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Chapter Text

"Dear Edwina,

There is so much I must beg your forgiveness for, I scarcely know where to begin.

First, I am very sorry for keeping the deal I struck with the Sheffileds from you and Mama. I tried to do so many times, but I was so deeply ashamed of my actions, that I feared the two of you would see me differently after such betrayal. Please know that I withheld this information from you not because I could not trust you with the knowledge or that I feared you incapable of finding a match on your own. 

In truth, I did not tell you about the Sheffields' dowery and its stipulations because I wished so desperately for your happiness, Bon. I know you desire a love match just as I know you are one of the kindest, pure-hearted people in the world. I was fearful you would forgo your search for a loving husband and accept the first proposal from a titled gentleman you received, were you made aware of our dire financial situation. I know happiness is not a given, but I wished for you to have the opportunity to marry without the pressure of saving our family. I could never allow myself to watch you throw your chance at happiness away for the sake of our family, not if there was anything I could do to prevent it. 

This leads me to the second of my failures, and perhaps, the one that shames me the most. 

Throughout the season, I have believed my feelings for Lord Bridgerton were of anger and annoyance, perhaps even disgust, that I despised him and he vexed me greatly. What I failed to see, what I refused to see, was that vexation and passion might walk hand in hand. 

I believe I have, much against my will, fallen in love with Lord Bridgerton, and for that, Edwina, I must apologise profusely, from the bottom of my heart. 

Please know that I did not mean for any of it to happen and, throughout the whole season, my main goal has always been ensuring your happiness. I did not utter any criticisms I have made of the man because I had designed to have him for myself. I am aware of the impossibility of the fact and I would never do anything that might potentially jeopardise your happiness. 

I have not been entirely truthful with you about the acquaintance between Lord Bridgerton and myself. Although I have told you about the words I overheard him proclaiming outside the Conservatory Ball, that was not the first time we spoke. I met him briefly on a ride the morning we arrived from India and I must confess I was... intrigued by him. It was not a very long conversation, we just raced each other and exchanged a few teasing remarks. I did not know who he was, and no introductions were exchanged, but our short interaction was quite unlike anything I expected to find in England, and thus it led me to seek him out at that terrace, perhaps for a proper introduction or a few minutes of amusing conversation outside the stifling ballroom. But when I heard his expectations for a future wife, I decided that I had heard all there was to hear. 

When he showed his designs on you, I knew he would not be the husband you were seeking and he could not offer the life you dreamed of and I made it my mission to ensure the match would not go forward. At the time, I truly believed my dislike of his person to be genuine and all I intended was to protect you. It was only during our week in the country when you begged me to offer him a chance and he attempted to get my blessing to propose to you that I began seeing a different side of the Viscount and thus I started to realise that perhaps there was something more to the flaming sentiment I held deep inside me towards him. 

I fought these feelings with all my might, Bon, I swear to you I did. But during the debacle that was dinner tonight, I have come to the realisation that I am not strong enough, which leads me to my last apology. 

In my desperation to ensure your happiness above all else, I might have put at risk the very same thing I have sworn to protect. It pains me to admit I was out of my depths about what we were to find on English soil and all my attempts at assistance have managed to do was to create problems. And I was certainly not prepared for this assault of feelings that constantly leave me breathless and dizzy every time I find myself in the same room as Lord Bridgerton. 

I cannot stand in the way of the joyous, prosperous future you are building. I refuse to do so. If a life married to the Viscount is what your heart yearns for, is what will make you happy, I am happy to step aside to allow you to have it. 

But I discovered that I cannot sit and watch it happen, for I fear my heartbreak might yet come as a problem to you and your marriage. I shall never force you to pick between your eldest sister and the man you love either. 

Thus, I have decided the best course of action is to remove myself from the situation entirely. As you know, I had been planning my return to India upon your nuptials and I believe it is for the best that such return should be hastened, in order to avoid any more adversities regarding your betrothal and subsequent marriage. I have packed my most important provisions and by the time you read this missive, I expect to be already aboard a ship returning home.

And lastly, I must apologise for not being brave enough to tell you the truth and bid you farewell face to face. My shame hangs too heavy upon my shoulders and I believe I would not even have the words to express myself should I have stayed and explained all of this to you. To look upon your and Mama's sorrow and disappointment at me would break me in a way I am not sure I would be able to fix myself afterwards. And thus, in order to do the right thing, I find myself forced to depart under the cover of darkness, as all of you sleep. 

Unlike my previous beliefs when your courtship started, Lord Bridgerton is a good, honourable man and I have no doubt he will do what is right and continue with the engagement, even after the Sheffields have withdrawn their dowery, especially since I shall no longer be a hindrance in your way. He will be a fair husband and I hope with all my heart you have the blessed life we have dreamed of our entire lives, even if it pains me not to be present to see it. He shall provide for you and Mama and there shall be no more need for my presence anyhow. 

I understand such betrayal is too great and I believe you must be angry at me, but I hope that, in the future, you will be able to think of me fondly.

I have but one request to make, which I know that, in my position, I should have none, but it is of utmost importance. I am unable to bring Newton home with me. I fear another six months on a ship and then employment at a family home shan't be the most welcoming environment for him and I trust he will be much better cared for with you and Mama. Please, if you can, do this one thing for me.

I love you and Mama with all my heart and hope that you might one day find within your hearts to forgive me. 

I shall be thinking of you always. 

Farewell, 

Kate." 

Edwina could barely breathe as the papers dropped from her shaky hands, falling haphazardly onto her lap, a choked sob escaping her lips. 

After dinner had ended, she had spent hours laying on her bed, even after all the tears inside her had dried, feeling the dread creep up slowly inside her. What would happen now? Would Lord Bridgerton truly break off their engagement? What would be of her if he did? It was clear now she was to have no dowery from her grandparents, and from the quick explanations Kate had offered before escaping into her room, the family's finances were not in the best place. 

No, Lord Bridgerton would not back down from his word. He could not. Edwina wanted nothing more than to become his Viscountess. She knew he had never promised anything of the sort to her, but Edwina knew within her heart she loved him and she was sure, if she tried hard enough, he might come to feel the same towards her one day.

It had been Kate's fault they were in that situation. If she had not kept the deal she struck with the Sheffields a secret; If she had managed to hold her tongue for just a bit longer, Edwina would still have a dowry and there should be no worrying if Lord Bridgerton would still have her for a bride. 

Still, even with the anger bubbling inside her, nerves and fear weighed greatly on her chest and Edwina desperately needed her big sister's comforting words, soothing tone and gentle caresses. Kate had always known how to calm her, just as she'd always known how to fix things. Kate had created this entire debacle and she'd find a way to navigate them around it and towards normalcy once again, Edwina was sure of that. 

Kate always knew what to do. Her Didi was reliable this way. 

That was how Edwina found herself tiptoeing around Danbury House's dark hallways towards the room Kate had been occupying during their stay some ten minutes before the clock struck one in the morning. Her sister had always been a light sleeper. If she had been asleep, she would awaken as soon as the door creaked open, so Edwina was gentle in turning the doorknob and pushing the wooden board open in order not to startle Kate too much. 

Only when Edwina shoved her head into the room, she found no trace of her sister. The bed was still made, with some candles still burning on the nightstands and the fire already dying in the fireplace, the truck that usually sat on the foot of the bed was open, half of its contents still inside, and a handful of knick-knacks scattered all over the writing desk in the corner. 

It was only when she walked into the room, her eyebrows wrinkled in confusion about her sister's whereabouts, that she noticed the letter neatly folded atop one of the pillows. 

Edwina was not sure how long she sat there, reading the content of the note Kate had left her and then just sitting in the bed with her body feeling as if it had turned into lead as she stared blankly at the wall. It felt like the entire night had come and gone while she read the words again and again, trying to make sense of them, but the sky was still dark outside and the clock above the mantle marked that only a bit more than half an hour had passed. 

Kate had left her. She had packed her things and ran away into the night without even saying goodbye and Edwina would probably never see her again. 

Having Kate near her, supporting her and offering her comfort and advice was all Edwina had ever known. Even her earliest childhood memories involved her sister in one way or another. Having tea parties in the sitting room; exploring the palace gardens with her little hand firmly tucked into her sister's for protection; Sitting huddled together as their Appa read them fairy stories. And once they had lost Appa, Kate's presence had been even stronger around her, always a soothing, comforting hand

The tears that had finally dried just a few moments back returned with full force. How could Kate have done that to her? How could she have just left her? She was not leaving for Scotland where Edwina could reach her should she need. India was a full six months away! Even a letter would take ages to arrive! That was if Kate even wished to write to her in the first place. 

God, how could Edwina have not noticed her sister's struggles? Had she become so used to being the one cared for, to having Kate's full attention and efforts focused on her that she had started to turn a blind eye to her sister's struggles? Had she been so enamoured by the promises of the Ton and their new life in England that she had forgotten the one person who had done absolutely everything for her throughout her entire life? Had the splendour of being named the Queen's diamond blinded her to the memory of who had shaped her into the woman she had become?

Worse of all, had she been so callous, so selfish that she had led her sister to believe once she was married she'd have no more space in their family? That the only reason she was still around was that she was of use to them?

Had Kate truly believed that, if forced to pick between her and Lord Bridgerton, Edwina would choose the former instead of the one person who knew her better than she knew herself? Kate would be a fool to believe such a thing. Edwina would not bat an eye before casting any man aside if it meant her sister would stay. 

The thought caught her by surprise. The idea of giving up her match with the viscount did not appear nearly as daunting as it had been before she found Kate's letter. Not if it meant she'd get to keep her sister with her. 

Perhaps she did not love the Viscount as much as she thought she did. She certainly did not love him the way Kate did, or the idea of losing him would be unbearable. She did not even know love could be as painful as her sister had described. She had always envisioned love as a soft, warm feeling that would surround you in happiness and offer you the strength to fight any and every obstacle people put in your way. 

But that was not the feeling Kate described. What had been described in her sister's shaky words felt like a fire that, if one were to lose control, could burn not only oneself but others around you. Was love so strong, so oppressive that a person felt the need to run from everything they knew and was familiar to them in order to escape it? 

Edwina had certainly never felt anything of that sort. She could not claim she would behave a certain way or another were she faced with such confronting feelings, having to battle with her love for her family and her love for a man, torn between the two, and forced to choose. When she envisioned going through something as daunting as that, the first plan her mind could come up with was always running to her sister for assistance, just as she had planned to do when the fear of being scorned by the Viscount due to the whole mess with the Sheffields and their dowry had become unbearable. 

Had Kate truly believed she could not come to Edwina for the same type of assistance? Had she imagined Edwina would be such an ungrateful sister that she would put a man she had only met two months prior before the happiness of her only sister? It was true, in the years since their father's passing, Edwina had relied much more on Kate than the other way around, but she had always imagined it was because Kate was so much stronger than her, older, wiser and so very sure of herself, that she always knew what to do. What good would counsel from a young girl do to a woman so bright and clever as her Didi? 

Even so, she had always imagined Kate was aware that, if she had any need to talk, to vent or if she needed any form of support and encouragement, Edwina would be there for her, even in the times their Mama could not. There had been a time their Mama was too sick to offer Kate any support either emotionally or in the running of the house, which she imagined would have been a struggle, but their Mama had returned to them, had she not? Still, it was not to Mama Edwina had run to every time she required any type of guidance or comfort. It had not been to Mama's room she had sneaked into earlier that same night, had it?

Horror grew swiftly inside her chest, overpowering almost every other feeling there as Edwina realised that perhaps Kate had not trusted her enough to confide in her. If her decision had been to run, instead of speaking to Edwina about her growing feelings, her sister did not believe her capable of supporting her, of putting her before anything else, the same way she had been supported in the years since Appa's death. 

And worse yet, since their arrival to England, Edwina had not offered any proof that she would have behaved otherwise were Kate to come to her with a problem. In fact, she had refused and rebutted every word of advice Kate had offered regarding her courtship with the Viscount, believing herself to understand Lord Bridgerton and his motivations than her older sister, who had never had a true courtship, could. 

Christ, Edwina had put a man before her sister and because of that, she had believed the best way for her to help was to run away and now, because of Edwina's foolishness and selfishness, she would never see her sister again. 

She must find a way to fix this. 

But how? She was all but a young woman, an unmarried debutant at that. She had no knowledge of the comings and goings of the city, or how to even purchase a ticket for a foreign voyage. She could not, in good consciousness, roam around the port in the middle of the night, even with a chaperone. What good would it be to bring her sister back, if any possibility of a life for them in this country would be shrouded in scandal? And who was to say Kate was even at the London port? There must be other ports where big sea vessels departed to distant lands. She did not even know where to start looking. 

But there was someone who could help. 

Edwina jumped into motion, the letter from Kate held on tightly in her hand. How could she have not thought about that before? 

It was the least Lord Bridgerton could do for their family. If he was still intent on marrying Edwina after the disastrous dinner the night before, he would do so as an act of honour towards the family that soon would be his own, but if he returned even a fraction of the affection her sister held for him, he surely would not wish to see her gone. Either way, he was bound to fulfil her request and help her bring Kate back before it was too late.  

As Kate had stated in her letter, he was a good, honourable man. He would not let her down. 

Edwina jumped into motion, the letter from Kate held tightly in her hand. It was not a perfect plan, so many things could go wrong. Lord Bridgerton could refuse to help her, although Edwina very much doubted it; Kate could refuse to return; They could be too late and when they did indeed discover where she had gone to, she might be already far from solid land and sailing away towards their old home. But it was the only plan she could come up with in such trying times. 

It was decided. She would ask the Viscount for help. But time, as it was, was a precious, fleeting thing, one they did not have to spare. Only God knew when Kate had departed and how far she had gotten since she left. Edwina was half sure no ship would set sail in the middle of the night, sailors were superstitious sorts, and the port security would probably not even allow them passage in such ungodly hours. Still, they would need time to find Kate before she boarded one of such ships and everything was lost. 

They would need to move fast. 

The maid that showed up after Edwina incessantly rang the servant's bell looked halfway between put-off and worried as she rushed into Edwina's chamber still in her night dress, her hair tucked away in her sleeping cap. 

"I am going out." She announced before Mildred could even ask what had happened. "A simple day dress would do, preferably a darker-coloured one, but it must be a quick one to change into. And my cloak." 

"Right now, Miss?" 

"Yes. I am going to Bridgerton House right this instant." The young lady's maid looked scandalised but Edwina did not even bet an eye at the woman. She did not have any seconds to spare worrying about the clearly unladylike, damning things Edwina must have been planning to do at Bridgerton House. She'd worry about the whispers from the staff at a later time. 

"Mama!" Edwina banged her fist at the dark wooden door which concealed the room her mother had been occupying during their stay several times, making one loud bang echo after the other. She did not care that her raised voice might awaken the entire staff, the neighbours or the pigeons at the square. "Mama! I must speak to you now! Mama!" 

She did not stay and wait for Mama's surprised feature to appear at the open door, making her way towards the Master bedroom their host currently occupied, but apparently it would not be necessary to bang at one more door. 

"Edwina?" Mama's voice sounded panicked and Edwina turned to find her mother standing at the door, her face looking ashen as she quickly tied her robe with shaky hands at the same time the louder, demanding voice echoed the halls behind her. 

"What is the meaning of all this racket?!" 

"Mama, Lady Danbury, good." Edwina tried to sound as composed as she could, taking one step back to be able to face the two confused women with her hands firmly clasped in front of her to conceal their shaking. "I need to speak with you both." 

"Well clearly." The older woman rasped with a roll of her eyes. It was funny, she had never even imagined what Lady Danbury would look like without the tight coil of her hair behind her. She wanted to turn and make a mocking serious face at Kate, who would surely press her lips together in an attempt to keep from smirking. The thought sent a painful pang through Edwina’s chest. Her Didi wasn’t there, she wouldn’t be unless Edwina focussed on the task at hand. "And what is the desperate need you have to communicate that requires waking the entire household with your screaming at this ungodly hour, Miss Edwina?"

"I must go to Bridgerton House." She informed the startled women, her voice sounding much more confident and firm than she was actually feeling. "I have to speak with Lord Bridgerton." 

"It is two in the morning!" Mama stared at her youngest daughter as if she had just lost her mind. 

"It cannot wait." 

"Miss Edwina," Lady Danbury rubbed her face, speaking to Edwina as if she was talking to a young child. "We do not call on people in the middle of the night. It is not..."

"I said it cannot wait!"

"What could possibly be so urgent that it could wait until morning?" Edwina considered for a second telling the older women about her sister's admission and absence, but after just a second of consideration, she realised it would not be the proper time to do so. She feared the news of Kate fleeing to India in the middle of the night might send their mother into another fit like the one she had when Appa had passed. Lady Danbury would go on and on about how to keep the scandal of Miss Sharma's absence so close to the wedding from reaching the ton and she might try to forbid Edwina to speak to Lord Bridgerton at all about the matter. Besides, since Edwina had been the cause of Kate's desperate escape, it was only fair that she find a proper solution to the situation herself. She would speak to the older Ladies once Lord Bridgerton had agreed to help her. 

"It is an urgent matter and I must speak to the Viscount right now."

"Darling, I understand you might be worried about the repercussions of our dinner last night..."

 "I do not think that showing up at the Viscount's home in the middle of the night will endear him to you, nor improve your chances of continuing with the betrothal. After we break our fast in the morning..." Lady Danbury cut Mama's nervous words as her mother attempted to take her hand, but Edwina just yanked them back with a shake of her head.

"I am going to Bridgerton House as soon as I manage to change into a proper dress to discuss an urgent matter with the Viscount." She hoped she sounded and looked resolute enough for the matrons not to doubt her, perhaps even crazed enough for it. "Your company and support would be most valuable to me, but it is not imperative to have you two there for my departure if you do not wish to come. I will leave without you. I shall take a rack if you do not allow me a carriage. I do not care." She stared deep into her mother's eyes, begging her to understand she would not be doing this if it was not a very serious matter. "And if you attempt to stop me, I assure you I can cause much more of a racket than I did just now and I will. I shall wake the entirety of Mayfair if I must. The Queen will be able to hear my screaming all the way from Buckingham Palace." Edwina took a long deep breath to calm her pounding heart before looking back at her mother with pleading in her eyes. "Will you accompany me?"

There was a long moment of silence as the two older women stared at each other, both of them bearing different levels of surprise at Edwina's sudden outburst. It was not like her to speak as directly and firmly as that. It was Kate who was the one used to standing her ground and defending her decisions to others. Edwina was usually the soft-spoken, agreeable one.  After what felt like entirely too long, they had already wasted too much of the precious, little time they had,  and Edwina was already ready to turn her back to the matrons and march back into the room to finally get into a proper dress and be on her way, her Mama let out a long, drawn-out sigh. 

"Of course, we will accompany you, dearest. Won't we, Lady Danbury?" Her mother spoke gently, as if not to upset Edwina any further but Lady Danbury did not seem too quick to agree to what she believed to be a young girl's flight of fancy. Her Mama turned to her friend with a quiet plea. "Agatha?"

"I shall have the carriage brought forth." Lady Danbury finally conceded, sounding resigned as she motioned to a few of the servants who had been observing the quarrel quietly from a corner, sending them into a flurry of motion.

"Thank you, My Lady," Edwina muttered with as much gratitude as she could muster at that particular time.  

"Lady Danbury," Clara, the maid who had been tending to Kate during their stay, approached the Dowager Countess timidly. "Should I go rouse Miss Sharma?"

"Lady Mary?"

"Well..." Mama looked nervously between the door down the hall and Edwina, biting her lip. "Perhaps... No, I think it is better not." She sighed, twisting her fingers together, gilt carved deeply into her features. "If she has not roused after all that noise, she must be truly tired. Kate has had quite an... agitated night. Let her rest." 

"Very well, Lady Mary." Clara bowed her head politely. 

"I shall be at the door in the next five minutes," Edwina announced, using the chance to turn her back and march into her chambers as a way to mask the wetness that had flooded her eyes at the thought of her sister's empty room. "If you take too long, I shall depart without you." 

"We shall just get changed, dearest," Mama responded and Lady Danbury humphed behind her back. Before Edwina could fully retreat into her room where the maid was dutifully waiting with a dark green dress in hand, and close the door behind her, her Mama's voice echoed behind her. "If Kate awakens before we return, please inform her we're settling some urgent business at Bridgerton House and not to concern herself, if you may, Clara." 

Edwina could not hold back the tears that escaped her at the idea that her sister would certainly not be awakening in her room before they returned to the house and Mildred was kind enough to pretend nothing was amiss.

It seemed her Mama and Lady Danbury truly did believe Edwina's claims when she told them she would just jump into a carriage and leave without them if they were not ready quickly because, in less than fifteen minutes, they were all bundled inside a dark coach heading towards Bridgerton House. 

The ride itself had been rather quiet, which Edwina could not help but be thankful for, although it seemed her mother and Lady Danbury's gazes kept moving from her to each other, quiet questioning glances and confused shrugged exchanged before they returned to observing the young girl intent on watching the scenery go by them. 

Edwina paid them no mind. She understood how hysterical she must have sounded to her companions, but if there was a time that called for female hysteria, it certainly was the one she was leaving at. Instead, she used the distraction of the dark city passing by outside to ponder on the time she had spent with Lord Bridgerton through their Courtship. Every single conversation, dance or moment in which they had exchanged words, many of them in Kate's presence. And the more Edwina analysed her memories, the more she felt like a blind fool. The interactions between her and the Viscount were shallow at best and many of the times, it appeared as if she was an afterthought to the man standing next to her, nothing more than a responsibility he must fulfil, quite like her sister had warned her. It was not the same as when Kate was around. How could Edwina have not noticed the way the Viscount always seemed to be pulled taunt whenever her sister was near? She had always imagined it was because Kate irritated Lord Bridgerton and he could not stand being near her but it did not account for that glint of something in his eyes as he looked at Kate that Edwina could never truly decipher. Perhaps it was just as Kate herself had said in her letter. Vexation and desire could certainly walk hand-in-hand. 

She could not tell where the Viscount's feelings lay. Another startling realisation that had befallen her during the turbulence of the night was that she did not know Lord Bridgerton at all. She knew his name, his family's history and all his siblings and mother, of course, but there was little she knew apart from that. She did not know his fancies, his passions and his dislikes, she could not read his posture or his expression and she could not, for the life of her, understand his feelings. Sure, such understanding took time, but should she not have learned at least a bit more than the very basic common knowledge around the Ton? Was not what courtship was truly for? They were to be married, for crying out loud! 

It was certainly not only Lord Bridgerton's fault. Yes, he did not seem inclined to open up to her in any way or to seek out trying to get to know her either, but she was not blameless in the whole situation. She was surprised to find that, most of the time she had spent around the Viscount, especially in the moments Kate had been near, she had spent coming up with ways to convince her sister and her intended to get along with each other. She so desperately needed her beloved sister to approve of the man she had chosen, to get her to like him... 

God, her sister had been developing feelings for the man and Edwina had all but pushed her into Lord Bridgerton's arms!

Apart from all of that, there was a sneaky little voice at the back of her mind that she did not particularly want to pay much attention to, but who seemed to refuse to go away, that kept wondering if, perhaps, the reason Edwina had been so drawn to the Viscount was not only because of the luring promises of luxuries and social standing a life with him offered, but because he, in his serious, attentive, eldest sibling way, reminded her so much of Kate. 

As Edwina exited the carriage, she had all but convinced herself that the Viscount must have some feelings for Kate. How could he not?! She had the most excellent sister, after all! 

The footman who answered the door looked absolutely appalled at actually finding someone standing at the door at the late hour, but before he, or even Edwina for the matter, could open their mouths to say anything, Lady Danbury thumped her cane on the floor, pushing past the man and into the large, dark foyer of the house, the Sharma women scurrying to follow.  

"Please inform the Viscount and Lady Bridgerton we are here to speak to them at once."  She demanded the moment the grand doors were closed behind them. "It is quite an urgent matter."

The young footman stared at the older woman with his mouth parted in surprised outrage for a second, probably considering what his next step would be before the Bridgertons' butler appeared from the Servant's stairway, followed closely by the housekeeper, their eyes wide as they landed on the illustrious, even if unexpected visit. 

Lady Bridgerton's staff was certainly well trained because it did not take a second for Mrs Wilson and Humbolt to take over, greeting them with polite bows. The butler ushered them into a receiving room as the housekeeper instructed several maids in a myriad of different tasks in a low, commanding tone. In all but a few minutes, the fire in the grate had been lit, the richly decorated room quickly turning cosy under the low candlelight as her mother and Lady Danbury sat comfortably in one of the settees. 

Edwina could not settle down enough to sit. Her mind was moving at too fast a pace to offer her any proper rest, conjecturing the millions of possibilities that might come to pass in the next few hours. What if Kate was robbed before she boarded the ship? Or if her ship was ransacked by pirates on its way to India? Did she even have enough money to pay for the travel fare? What if she changed her mind before boarding, would she have enough money to return home? What if her sister was lonely during the long, six-month journey? Edwina and Mama would not be there to keep her company and she would not even have Newton with her! That was not to mention her life back in India! People always said the life of a governess was so lonesome, being always below the family but above the servants. 

Kate deserved a family of her own. She would be such a wonderful mother. She was soft and nurturing, firm when necessary and soothing when the moment called for it. It had always pained Edwina's heart that her sister had accepted the fate of being a spinster for the rest of her life, without a family of her own to nurture and care for. That she had somehow settled for caring for the children of others instead of trying to find someone to share her life with. Edwina had been hopeful when Mr Dorset, the kind, gentle doctor showed interest in Kate. Perhaps her sister might come to care for the man, maybe she’d find someone to share the joy and burdens of life with, just like she deserved. But Edwina’s hopes had been shattered that same day as they huddled together in their sleepwear in Kate’s bed and her sister declared she was not interested in Doctor Dorset and that a match was not meant for her. Perhaps some people are just not meant to find a person whose heart and so matched your own so completely, you couldn’t help but be drawn to, she had said, sounding eons older than her actual six and twenty years. Yet, Kate seemed to have encountered a person her heart and soul seemed to call to, because of Edwina, such a person was out of her reach. 

 Her racing thoughts were interrupted by hurried footsteps which quickly showed to belong to a wide-eyed, nervous-looking Lady Bridgerton, her lavender robe flowing behind her, followed closely by the frowning Viscoust.

"Agatha," Lady Bridgerton pressed her hand against her quickly rising and falling chest. "Is everything alright?"

"Violet, do forgive us for the time." Lady Danbury stood, thumping her cane on the floor as she stood. Edwina's eyes watched Lord Bridgerton, who stood behind his mother clad only in dark trousers and a thin white shirt, revealing the beginning of the man's well-defined chest. "Miss Edwina said it was quite urgent."

While the dowager countess spoke, the Viscount's gaze swept around the room and Edwina could see, as clear as day, the way his frown deepened when he realised there was one person missing from their usual party, the crease between his eyebrows growing deeper. 

"My Lord," Edwina spoke, uncaring about the other three pairs of eyes that were boring into her with an intensity that could burn. "I must speak with you. Alone."

"Miss Edwina..." 

"I would not be here if it was not truly urgent."  She stared deeply into the man's chocolaty eyes, trying to convey with her eyes the desperation that had settled inside her chest since she had found Kate's room empty that night. "Please, my lord." 

The Viscount exchanged a look with his mother, a quick silent conversation happening between them without any words that finished with a shrug and a nod from Lady Bridgerton and a sigh from him.  

"Very well." He turned his attention back to her, conceding with a nod of his head. "If you'll follow me, Miss Edwina." 

Edwina trailed after him quickly before he could change his mind and demand her to explain herself right there in front of everyone. She barely looked at where he was leading her, too wrapped around her own thoughts, trying to come up with the best way to beg... No, not beg, demand his assistance with finding her sister. Was he even aware of Kate's feelings for him? Oh, lord, what if he was not? How would she explain this to him? She prayed he was truly the honourable gentleman her sister believed him to be because, as of that moment, he was her only hope. 

In what felt like a blink, they had arrived at a room Edwina was not familiar with, although she assumed from the dark, male furniture and the sturdy-looking mahogany covered in different sorts of papers and darkly-bound books, that it was some sort of study. Lord Bridgerton stood quietly at the door, motioning for her to enter before him, but there was not enough time to take in the tasteful decoration and fancy portraits up the wall. 

They were running out of time . 

"Do you have feelings for my sister?" Edwina asked once she was sure the door was shut behind them. She could see the way Lord Bridgerton was caught by surprise, his face going pale as his eyes widened almost comically. 

" Feelings ?!" 

" Feelings , my lord." She huffed impatiently. "Passion? Desire? Love?! Do you harbour any of those said feelings for Kate?" 

"Miss Edwina..." The Viscount ran his hands nervously through his hair, avoiding her eyes. "I do not know what you are talking about."

"It is not the most complicated of questions, My lord. Do you have romantic feelings for my sister Kate? A simple yes or no will suffice as an answer." 

"I... Nothing has happened between us." Edwina could see the lie written plainly in the way his eyes darted around the room, landing anywhere but on her face, but she required a more concrete answer than that. 

"This is not what I asked, My Lord." 

"Is this the urgent matter you wished to discuss?!"

"Not quite. Do you, My lord?"

"Miss Edwina..." He rubbed his face nervously, clearly reaching the edge of his patience, "Has Ka... Miss Sharma said anything to you?! You are aware she has been against our courtship from the start and..." Lord Bridgerton began pacing the room, the words escaping his lips too quickly and she could see the way his hands shook as he walked back and forth, wearing away the least of Edwina's already short patience. 

"I do not have the time for this!" Her shout seemed to catch him by surprise, for he quit his pacing, turning to stare at the irate young woman in front of him. "Time is running out, My Lord. Do you have feelings for my sister?" The Viscount stared at her with his jaw locked, his fingers tugging nervously at the Family ring he usually wore. 

"It is the middle of the night, surely this could have..."

"Do you love Kate?!" She all but shouted. " Answer me! "

"I have never meant for them to happen!" He shouted back, the carefully constructed self-control he had been so valiantly holding onto snapping in a blink. "I have not..." He shook his head, threading his fingers through usually neatly combed hair, tugging roughly on the silky chestnut locks. "I do not wish for these feelings that have been plaguing me."  

"Do you love her?" Edwina pushed, knowing he was on the verge of breaking. She needed to be sure if she was to ask for his help. 

" Nothing happened ." 

" Do you love her?! " 

"I do not want to!" He shouted. "Love brings nothing but suffering. It shall not factor in my marriage. These... feelings ..." He spat as if it was some dirty word. "They shall fade, with enough time and distance, they will..."

"Kate's gone." Edwina watched as horror twisted Lord Bridgerton's handsome features as the words sunk in. 

" What ?" The word croaked out of his lips, broken and shaky as he stared at Edwina as if he did not truly believe her. 

"Kate left." She breathed out, the energy that had driven her up until that moment vanishing from her in a blink as tears flooded her eyes again. God, she wanted her sister back so damn much it hurt. "She's planning on returning to India. And it is because of you ." She pushed the letter she had been holding on to into his chest and his gaze travelled down to the bit of parchment in his hands numbly. "She's gone." 

" When ?" 

"A few hours at most." 

"She... left ?" Edwina twisted her fingers together nervously, watching her words sink in for the man standing behind her, staring at the letter crumpled in his hand as if the paper burned him. “But… She said… Once you were wed.” 

"It was the plan." Edwina nodded, feeling a single teardrop escape quite against her will. "But she... In the letter, she... Her feelings were just too strong. She felt she was a burden to my happiness and..." A loud sob broke free from her chest, rattling her entire frame. The Viscount looked dazed as he reached out to a handkerchief which had been lying loose over the desk, offering to her mechanically. "Thank you… She believed it would be for the best if she were to hasten her departure."

"You cannot truly agree with this!" Lord Bridgerton stared at Edwina in a mix of horror and disdain as he began to pace the room. "It is preposterous that she would believe such a thing!"

" Of course not! " She scoffed in irritation. Did the man think so little of her to believe she would accept passively losing the one person who had always been there for her?! "I am of the opinion that my sister is one of the most wonderful people in this world!" She took a deep breath, remembering the reason she had moved heavens and earth to be in that room with that man. "My Lord, in the letter my sister left me, she admitted to having fallen in love with you." The Viscount stopped dead where he stood, his head snapping to stare at her open-mouthed so quickly she was surprised his neck had not snapped along with the movement. "She said her feelings were too strong and she feared she might ruin my happiness because of them, and thus she had to leave."

"She... loves me?" If Edwina still had any lingering doubts about the feelings the Viscount secretly cultivated for her sister, as unintentional and unwelcomed as they might have been, they were dispelled the second she realised the desperation and determination behind his brown eyes matched the ones burning inside her. Lord Anthony Bridgerton looked like a man ready to storm into the fiery pits of hell barefoot if it was what it would take to bring Kate back and that had been the type of love Edwina had always dreamed they would find.

Now it was only a matter of making sure Kate was back to enjoy such fierce love. 

"If you reciprocate even an inch of such strong feelings my sister claims to have, if you hold any sympathy for my family, if you are a third of the good, honourable man Kate believes you to be, I beg of you , My Lord, help me find her." Edwina stared at Anthony Bridgerton's eyes as she poured every single bit of herself into the plea. "She cannot have gone far and I do not think boats depart in the middle of the night, so there might be time, just barely so. I would go after her myself, but I do not even know where to start and I doubt anyone would even allow me to try. But you can." She stepped closer to him, grasping his ungloved shaking hands on hers, the closer contact she had exchanged with the man apart from a couple of dances. "Please, Anthony. You are the only person I know who can do this. Help me find my sister and bring her back.”

Chapter Text

Anthony had not been able to breathe properly ever since the word 'gone' had left Edwina's mouth, his heart pounding in his chest as his lungs constricted painfully every time he tried to inhale. He had been aware of her plan to leave for India, he'd known it since their dance at the Hearts and Flowers Ball, when he held her in his arms at the ballroom of his childhood home, ignoring the burning wish inside him to never let go. He had felt desperate at the knowledge back then, afraid beyond logic of the idea of never seeing her again just as much as he feared the thought of seeing her every single day for the rest of his life. 

He had meant what he said the night before, as he stood nose to nose with Kate, their breathing mingling together, that maddening smell of lilies surrounding him, making it difficult to think. After day upon day fighting to push her away from his thoughts only to find her every time more present, he was rather certain she could walk to the end of the earth and it would still not be far away enough to dampen this burning feeling between them. 

Yet, Anthony had resigned himself to the idea he would, eventually, not have her overpowering presence around him, the smell of lilies and soap fading away to the back of his mind and her dry, vexing remarks and her wide, brown eyes challenging at every second of every day as he attempted to live the rest of his life, as short as it might be, the way he had been doing so before. The feeling might not disappear, but surely, it would fade as time and distance worked their magic as they always did. 

Miss Kate Sharma would walk away from his life for good, he knew. He only thought he would have more time to come to terms with the idea, to prepare for the loss of her. Instead, her sister had caught him by surprise announcing that Miss Sharma was already gone. 

She was gone. She had left. Left England; Left her family; Left him.       

He had been a complete fool to imagine that feeling would fade. How could he ever imagine he could survive the idea of losing her? 

He was an idiot to ever think so because right at that moment, the pain that flooded his chest with every harsh, heavy beat of his heart hurt so badly, it was a wonder he had managed to remain standing. It had felt the same as the morning he had stood in Aubrey Hall's garden, watching a bee land over Kate's bronze skin, watching it sink its stinger at her chest, thinking he was about to lose her, just as he had lost his father, not very far from that same spot, another bright life taken from his in the blink of an eye. 

He had not lost her then. He could not lose her now. He simply could not. So much had already been taken from him over the years, and if there was something he could do about it, Anthony refused to lose another person he loved.  

Oh... Oh, no...

He did not... He could not love her! 

Could he ? 

He was not looking for love. He had admitted before, being infatuated with her. There was desire, certainly, burling through his veins as if his blood had been replaced by liquid fire. But love? Anthony prided himself in being a rational man, a reasonable one. He was sure his mind could tame his wild emotions. 

Had he truly gone and fallen for the most obstinate, vexing woman on the continent? The only woman who refused to yield to good, plain, common sense? To the woman who was not even half a day away from boarding a ship across the oceans, to a place he might never find her again?

Christ, he had to find her, he had to stop her, had to somehow convince her to stay, not to leave England, not to leave him . 

If Anthony had not been certain going after Kate Sharma was the right thing to do, even if he had decided to do it anyhow, the moment Miss Edwina told him Miss Sharma had confessed to being in love with him robbed him of any choice to do anything else. 

He needed to find her, to hear the words from her vexing, tempting mouth, to assure himself he was not the only one plagued by that madness. 

"I shall send a couple of footmen to the London harbour," Anthony muttered, shuffling through his desk for his father's pocket watch as he spoke. "I doubt she would have gone there. It is too close to the city. Southampton would make more sense. Still, it is better to check.” 

“Of course.” Relief was written as plainly as day on Miss Edwina's face as she nodded her head, dabbing at her eyes to dry most of the tears from them. "You'll send someone to Southampton as well? Maybe Lady Danbury could..." 

" No . I shall take the journey to Southampton myself. I'll instruct the men going to the London port to keep you updated and inform you if they find her, in case there is a need for someone to talk sense into her."  

Anthony's mind had been racing as he walked around the room without sparing a glance in the young woman's direction, searching for the belongings he might need for the upcoming journey, so it came to him as a surprise as he felt a body slam into his, a pair of shaky arms wrapping around his middle. 

"Thank you, Lord Bridgerton." Dealing with crying women had never been the best of Anthony's abilities, even when one of his own sisters was the one needing consoling. Awkwardly, he allowed his arm to circle her shaky shoulder, offering her a soft pat that he hoped conveyed any sort of solace. "I am happy my sister was right about you." 

"I..." He cleared his throat as Miss Ewdina stepped away from him, still using the cloth he had offered her to wipe her red-rimmed eyes. "I'll do what I can to bring her back."

"I am sure you will." 

Anthony left the responsibility of explaining what was transpiring to their nervous mothers and Lady Danbury in Miss Edwina's more than capable hands as he rushed through the house, ensuring everything would be ready for his departure as soon as humanly possible. He was not sure he would be able to explain it to them, anyhow, between the panic settling in his chest at the idea of never again seeing Kate Sharma, the strange exhilaration of the discovery of her feelings for him, as well as the real nature of his own, and the desperate drive to find her and ensure she would never again even consider leaving his side, although he had not yet devised how he would achieve such feat with a woman so hard-headed as Miss Sharma without earning himself a slap across the face in the process.  

It was a testament to his mother's staff that, not even thirty minutes after he had exited the study hurriedly, followed by a still-sniffing, but no less determined-looking Edwina, the carriage was ready and waiting for him at the front of the house, provisions stashed inside by his valet, the horses neighing at the warm night air. 

With any luck, he would be able to find her before she boarded a boat, although he would not be above storming inside a sea vessel in search of her if the need must. But, God willing, that would not be necessary, he would find her before that. He had instructed the coach to ride as fast as humanly possible, stopping only when absolutely necessary. He was quite certain no private hack Miss Sharma might have hired would agree to keep such a fast pace, or even face the dangers of hours upon hours of country roads away from the city in the middle of the night. In the off-chance she had taken a Mail Coach, which Anthony strongly doubted there were any leaving London at such an hour, he might even reach Southampton's port before she did. 

With nought but a nod of his head to announce his departure to the women gathered in the parlour looking tear-eyed and nervous, he made his way down the hall and towards the foyer, but a gentle but firm call stopped him before he could reach the door. 

"Lord Bridgerton, wait!" Miss Edwina was making her way to him at a quick pace, the clip-clap of her slippers echoing around the vast, empty room.  

"Miss Edwina." He offered her a curt nod of his head when she finally reached his side. 

"I wished to return this to you before you left." She muttered, her cheeks darkening with a blush as she reached her hand out to deposit his mother's engagement ring in his palm. "I do not think this belongs to me."  

"Thank you." He whispered, turning the cold metal of the engagement band at his hand thoughtfully. "It was the ring my father proposed to my mother with."

Miss Edwina nodded wistfully. "If... If you manage to find Kate, if you can convince her to come back..." She cleared her throat, her eyes stuck to the ring clutched in his fingers. "If you convince her to stay, you have my blessing to... act upon your feelings, if it is what you wish for. She... I wish my sister to be very happy, my lord." It was unmistakable from the tone of her voice and the long hard stare Edwina levelled him that her words were meant as a warning. "It is the least she deserves."  

"Of course, Miss Edwina." There was a glint of honest understanding shared between them as they stood before each other by the grand door that marked the entrance to his home, much more than they had shared during those long weeks of their courtship. 

"Off you go, Lord Bridgerton." She offered him a tentative grin. "Safe travels." 

"Thank you, Miss Edwina." With a last nod, one that spoke of a truce between them, he turned, leaving her standing in the foyer, fidgeting with her own fingers, and he climbed the carriage, his mind once again focused ahead, on the future that was just so close to his reach he could almost feel it.  

It was only when the carriage was in motion, flying through the dark and deserted country roads, the city's cobbled paths with its houses and late-night wanderers left every second more in the distance, that Anthony's mind managed to settle down enough to consider the going-ons of the day, his body slumping against the cushioned seats.

He had not realised just how tired he felt. He had not slept a blink since returning from Danbury House and the disastrous meeting with Lady Mary's horrendous parents. Instead, he lay in his bed, pondering about the future. He had dashed out of the sitting room, his head dizzy from the proximity and the words he had shared with Miss Sharma. She had been so close he could feel the warmth of her skin against his, the maddening scent of lilies still somewhat lingering on his clothes. 

At that moment Anthony had been aware he could not, in good consciousness, continue with that sham of an engagement. Marrying Miss Edwina would be his downfall. He had always tried to be the honourable man his father had believed he could be. He did all in his power to ensure his family was happy and thriving, even if he did not always succeed. He did not have debts, did not gamble or drink to excess and he was not prone to violence or anger. Yet, he found it impossible to stay away from his fiancée's sister, unable to stop the barrage of thoughts that took over his mind whenever he saw her, many of them as far from honourable and gentleman-like as thoughts could be.

Sure, he had been still adamant that love should have no space in his marriage, but he did not wish to spend the rest of his days being reminded of the maddening feelings for the woman who haunted his dreams and his waking hours every time he looked at his wife. Even if Kate left, living her own life half a world across from him, it would be impossible to be free from her if he were to share a life, even if a distant one, with her sister. Could he bed Miss Edwina while thinking of her elder sister at every look and every touch? What of their children? Would he look at the small baby that had been the foremost reason for him to embark on the hassle of finding a wife and wish, deep in his heart, that the woman holding him was his aunt and not his mother?  

He shuddered at the thought; he could not live like that. And it did not matter how little romantic affection he felt for Miss Edwina, it would be unfair of him to submit her to a life such as this, always coming up second to her sister half a world away, through for no fault of her own, whether she knew it or not.  

By the time he had decided breaking the engagement was his best recourse, he was greeted with the image of his nervous valet at his bedroom door at 2 in the morning, muttering something about a visitor requesting to speak to him at such a late hour. He even had somewhat of a plan devised for the following day. He would be out with the sun, riding swiftly through Hyde Park in the hopes of having a moment alone with Miss Sharma. He would explain to her in no uncertain terms that there was no way to continue with the betrothal and that he was sure his mother and Lady Danbury could devise a plan to ensure his decision did not affect Miss Edwina's marriage prospects too much.   

That had been before Miss Edwina stood in front of him, tears streaming down her face, and turned his world upside down, sending every single one of his strong convictions scattering away with a couple of words from her mouth. Before she had spoken of her sister's feelings for him, before she pushed him to admit he had fallen in love with Miss Sharma. 

Now, he sat at the dark, rattling coach, after the exhilaration of the past hour had started to dim, and he found himself thinking of the future. Miss Edwina had given him her blessing to act upon his feelings and, for the life of him, he could not find any flaws in the plan of making Miss Kate Sharma his Viscountess. She was smart and capable, his siblings adored her and he loved her. It was almost laughable how something that, not even twelve hours before seemed like the most impeditive of issues now seemed like the most important reason to do so. Once truly faced with the possibility of losing it, Anthony could not see how he expected to spend the rest of his life without Kate Sharma's bright eyes, her melodic laugh and her teasing barbs. 

If he thought about it, the only challenge standing in his way was to get Miss Sharma to actually agree to be his wife. 

Anthony reached for the inside of his pocket, fishing the letter Miss Edwina had pushed towards him from where he had hurriedly shoved it in his pocket. He had pushed it to the corner of his mind, too preoccupied with ensuring his swift departure and finding Kate to offer the words the attention they deserved. It was only now, as he sat in the carriage in the middle of the English countryside, already en route to the place he desperately hoped he would find her, that he allowed himself to bring the handwritten note to the forefront of his mind. 

It was too dark to make out any of the words written in it, which was to be expected since the night outside had turned pitch black as they had left the city lights behind, only the lantern along with the coach and the faint glimmer of the moon, half obscured by the clouds, illuminated the road. Miss Edwina had told him Kate had admitted to loving him and he found himself equal parts desperate and fearful of reading it. He wanted to assure himself of the knowledge but he was terrified of what her actual words might bring. What if the youngest Sharma sister had misunderstood her sister’s words? What if she had told him that only to get him to find Miss Sharma? What if Kate was disgusted by the idea of loving him?

Anthony closed his eyes with a long deep breath, leaning his head against the velvety bench. He had not realised just quite how tired he was through the stress of the night, but as he was on his way, faced with hours upon hours cooped up inside, his body had cooled down and he could feel the exhaustion seeping deep in his bones. If he took a deep breath, he could almost feel the lingering flowery smell that had stuck on the paper as Kate wrote on it. He brought the page to his nose, inhaling deeply. Yes, it was definitively there. 

He clutched the paper to his chest, allowing his mind to drift to images of the future, a future that, for the first time in his life he could vividly picture, seeing clearly behind his eyelids the shape his days would take with Kate Sharma by his side, and it scared him to death just how deeply he desired it. There was still much that could go wrong before that dream came true, and even after it did. 

Yet, with Kate's faint smell surrounding him, the memory of her laugh echoing in his ear, he was helpless to fight the lul of exhaustion taking over him and, before he had even realised it, Anthony had succumbed to it, being taken over by happy, bright, hopeful dreams of her. 

Anthony stood at the Southampton port, his senses assaulted by the bright morning light, the loud noises of voices crying to each other and objects being tossed around mingled with the crash of the waves against the brick walls and the foul stench that seemed to cling to any dock. There was not an inch of his body that did not hurt due to the long, arduous hours cooped inside the cramped carriage. They had travelled for over twenty-four hours, stopping only to change the horses and relieve themselves before returning to the road. 

But they had arrived. The journey was over. Now all that was left to do was to find Kate.  

He had sent the coach to find an inn to tend for the horses and await his return and James was tasked with going up and down the dockyard, looking for any signs of Miss Sharma while Anthony rushed towards dock number 5. A rather grumpy dockmaster had informed him that there was only one ship to India that week, scheduled to depart later in the afternoon from Dock 5. Anthony had almost wept when the pudgy man told him none had left in the past few days and none would leave until at least another four. 

Anthony had had an entire day to consider his feelings towards Kate Sharma as he sat alone in the cramped carriage. He had read her letter so many times the day before he could almost recite it by heart and the words from it kept ringing in his head like a tormenting echo. Although Miss Edwina had previously told him Kate had admitted to loving Anthony in the missive, he had not managed to quite believe it until his eyes had landed on the black ink against the yellowish paper, and once it did, he had stared at it for close to a quarter of an hour, feeling his heart dance in his chest as he tried to process the meaning of them. 

I believe I have, much against my will, fallen in love with Lord Bridgerton.

It was only after he had managed to shake himself from the stupor of seeing her confession with his own doubtful eyes that he managed to scan the rest of the words and he knew with all the certainty a man could possess that he must find Kate. If he had had any doubts about it before that moment, they were gone by the time he reached her loopy signature. He must find her and tell her that, just like she had, much against his own will, he had fallen in love with her as well and beyond that, he must tell her he understood. He understood the fear that bled through the words he was never meant to see, the fear of never being enough to the family one had devoted oneself to. He understood what it felt like to put other people's happiness before your own and resigned yourself to believing that seeing them well would be enough for you, knowing, deep inside, that you do not deserve any of the happiness for yourself. 

Kate needed to know he understood her in a way he had not understood a single person for the past decade. Even if she refused to have him, if she loved him enough to leave, but not enough to stay, it was imperative that she knew he felt the same, not only in regards to his love for her but everything else, every feeling of inequity, of powerlessness, of loneliness. He saw her, as an equal in heart and mind, in a way he had never seen anyone before. 

Anthony could not allow her to leave without knowing that.

He did not care what must be done to ensure he'd find her. He would tear the entire freight apart if it meant he would. He would get himself a ticket to be allowed boarding if it was what it took. He would bribe the quartermaster to give him the information he wanted, hell, he would purchase the entire ship if it was what it took for him to get to Kate and convince her to stay in England with him. 

The idea of just how far he was willing to go for the woman had frightened him when he first considered it, sometime around early evening the day before as he sat in the speeding carriage towards the Southampton port. But in the hours after the realization, he came to understand it did not matter just how much he feared the intensity of his feelings towards her, the idea of living the rest of his life without her even knowing he loved her terrified him in a much deeper, overpowering way. 

As he ran, his chest pounding painfully against his ribcage, the sound of his blood rushing inside his veins all but drowning the noisy background, Anthony prayed. He had not been a devoted believer, not as a boy and certainly not since Edmund Bridgerton had dropped dead in front of him ten years before. He attended church on Sundays and important holidays like every other respectable member of the Ton and he even closed his eyes and bowed his head if someone felt the need to say grace at any given time, but in those moments, he would sit there quietly, lost within his own mind. 

It had been years since the last time Anthony had ever spoken to God. If he stopped to consider it, the last time he had done so had been on the day Hyacinth was born. After he'd run from the birthing room, trying to drown out his mother's pained screams that mingled with the loud storm brewing outside, he hid in the library, curling himself at an armchair, put his head on his hands and prayed. Not just that, he had begged God, if He had any mercy left to spare, if He had a drop of pity towards the 19-year-old fatherless boy who was lost and terrified, to please spare his mother and new baby sibling, not to allow him to become an orphan so soon after tragedy had already wrecked his life. And God, mercifully, had spared him that particular fate. His mother had lived, as his baby sister had, but for over a year, Violet Bridgerton had been only a shell of her former self. 

There was not much to ask for, after that day. During the darkest, hardest moments of his life, he would speak to his father's spirit, asking for guidance or questioning why Anthony had not been the one taken instead. But what would Anthony ask God for when he knew that, if the Man was there at all, He did not care very much about someone so insignificant, undeserving as him? He had not even felt the need to do so before his duel with Simon the previous year, resigned to whatever fate would deliver on his doorstep. If he were to die by his best friend's pistol, he might meet his Maker soon enough and he certainly had no wish to beg for his own life to the Man. What would be the point of it? It was not worth all that much, after all.

But as he raced across the port towards Dock number 5, for the first time in eleven years, Anthony prayed. He had pleaded to the High and Mighty Man in Heaven that if he still had even a dash of that pity he had seemed fit to afford Anthony the day Hyacinth had been born, He would allow her to be on that boat, allow Anthony to find her, to get her actually to listen to him, to get her to stay. He knew he had not been the type of man to deserve any saving grace, but if there was a God above listening to him, if He was as merciful as some people claimed, let Anthony keep her.  

And, for some twist of fate or miracle, God listened and there she was.

Anthony felt his heart for a couple of seconds as he spotted her, standing by the ramp of the ship, talking to a tall, lean man holding a leather-bound book in his hand, who Anthony assumed had been the quartermaster. She wore the same dark riding cloak she had been wearing the first time they met at Hype Park, the hood of it pulled back to reveal those ludicrous dark curls, trapped in a tight, neat braid. It had been a wonder his knees had not given out entirely as he stood there, awestruck. 

It was only when Kate removed a wad of paper from a small brown pouch, counting it carefully before extending them to the quartermaster, who had a different slip of paper at hand, that Anthony managed to free himself from his stupor, marching towards the pair like a mad bull, uncaring if he would have to run down anything or anyone who stood in his way.  

"Are you out of your goddamn mind?!" Anthony snapped, snatching the passage ticket from the Quartermaster's hand before her lithe fingers could reach it. Kate's head snapped towards the sound of his voice, her brown eyes growing wide, surprise, horror and annoyance dancing together behind them. 

"What the hell are you doing?!" There was a hint of panic laced with the words. Anthony might have been somewhat amused at the foul language falling from her lips, were he not feeling so enraged at her and the boat fare he now held in his hand. 

"What the bloody hell do you think I am doing?!" He growled in a low tone, unable to take his eyes from her, fearful of even blinking and her vanishing forever. "I have come to take you home, you bloody menace!" 

The fire in Kate's eyes only grew with his words, the confusion giving way to burning anger, but before she could open her mouth and offer him a snappy, irate reply, the man Anthony had quite forgotten was standing beside them cleared his throat, forcing their attention to turn to him. 

"Is he a relative of yours, ma'am?" His eyes moved from Anthony to Kate wearily, studying them carefully.

" No !" Kate snickered as if the idea was preposterous at the same time Anthony said.  

"I am here on behalf of her family." He explained curtly, pressing the paper to the man's chest. He did not see the need to offer him or anyone else any more than a simple, "She will not be boarding on that ship.” 

"You cannot do..." Anthony refused to listen to whatever she had to say, snatching the wad of bank notes from the man's surprised hand. 

"Have a nice day, sir." He muttered over her loud protests, nodding his farewell as he pulled Kate away by the arm, quite against her will. 

"You let go of me!" She thundered, pulling her arm free when they were what Anthony deemed to be enough feet away from the boat, harboured by the external wall of one of the dockside warehouses. "Are you trying to ruin everything?!"

" Ruin everything ?!" He asked incredulously. 

"I had just managed to secure my passage on that ship!" Kate's hands shook in barely contained rage as she stared murderously at him. "Do you understand how hard it will be to do so again after your scene?!"

" Good !" It was short of a miracle that Anthony was able not to scream the word at her face, his entire face burning. "You are not getting on that ship! Or any other one!"

" Oh ," She scoffed with an irritated roll of her eyes. "And you plan to stop me?!" 

" Yes !" He raged, tugging on his hair to try and keep his frustration under control. "I swear by God and every single being that can hear me right now, Kate Sharma, I will tie you down if I must, but you are not leaving! " 

"I should like to see you try, My Lord." God, how had he managed to fall in love with such a vexing, aggravating woman?!

"You left in the middle of the night! Your mother and your sister...."

"Do not bring my mother and sister into this!" 

"Your mother and your sister," He repeated, ignoring the murderous glare she was shooting at him. "Are in stitches with worry after you!"

"I have done this for them!" Kate shouted in frustration. "They were aware I would leave eventually, once Edwina was married! They had already given me their blessing to do so! I do not see how hastening my departure by a month will..."

"You are not leaving me !" The words had escaped him quite unintentionally, the vexation and annoyance at the fact that she kept fighting him, that she refused to see how much devastation she would cause if she did pushing them out of his lips before he could even consider the possibility of not saying them. 

"I..." Kate stared at him in complete shock, the anger seemed to have drained from her in a blink, her mouth opening and closing without any other sound coming from it, but Anthony was not done. 

"I swear, Kate, I shall lock you away in my carriage all the way to London, I shall purchase every single ticket on that boat and every one after that, I shall board that ship alongside you if it is what it takes, but you are not running, do you hear me? You are not leaving me !"

"My Lord..."

" No !" He raised his voice over her protest even as she shook her head, her shoulders sagging heavily along with the motion. " No ! I shan't allow it, I..."

"You are engaged to my sister!" She cried out, but her words were laden with pain, her lovely brown eyes misted over with tears and the sight broke Anthony's heart. 

" No . No, I... I am not."

" What ?" He reached out gently, holding each of her wrists in one of his hands, and his heart soared when she did not step away, only lifting her head to stare at him, her nose wrinkled and her eyebrows together in confusion. "Did you end the engagement, was it because…?"

"Your sister was the one to break things off." She blinked heavily, looking completely taken aback. 

"She... What ?"

"Miss Edwina came to me in the middle of the night two days ago, asking me to find you." He explained, desperate to reach out and smooth the frown from her beautiful face with the tip of his fingers. 

"No, she would not..." She shook her head, the words choking on her lips as a single tear ran down her face. "She told me she..." 

"She broke off the engagement before I left." Despite trying to hold himself back, one of his hands let go of her wrist, moving up to wipe the lonesome tear away from her cheek. "She broke things off and she has given me her blessing to tell you I am madly, deeply, completely in love with you."

For the first time in their acquaintance, it seemed Kate Sharma was truly rendered speechless as she stared up at him with misty eyes, her breath caught in her throat and her tempting lips half-parted.

Anthony had not expected the words to feel so liberating, but the moment he had uttered them, a heavy weight that had been settled in his chest for longer than he could remember lifted, allowing Anthony to breathe freely for the first time in what felt like ages and he found that, now that he had started, he could not stop the barrage of words pouring out of his chest. 

"It has come as a bit of a surprise for me as well since I have only admitted to such feeling to myself less than two days ago, but the moment your sister broke into my study and told me of your plans, I knew I would never survive if I allowed you to leave me without knowing how I felt." Daftly and still refusing to step away from her he plucked the half-crumpled letter from his pocket, her eyes growing impossibly wide as they recognised what he was holding. "I've read it. Your sister, she gave this to me when she asked me to find you and I've read it." 

" Oh ." It was barely a sound, just a little huff of air escaping Kate's parted lips as her eyes returned to his face, her entire face darkening under his gaze. 

"Please, Kate. I must know." Anthony did not care how pitiful and desperate his begging sounded. "What you said about... Did you mean it? Do you...? Please , Kate." 

"I did." He might not have heard her whispered answer had he not been watching her face so intently, he feared he might burn a hole in it. And even as he saw her sinful lips move to form the words, the tiny escaped sound hitting him squarely in the chest, bringing tears to his own eyes, he did not quite believe it. 

"Then, please do not leave." He took a tentative step closer, ready to whoop with joy when she did not step away, allowing their chests to press against each other. "I cannot survive without you." He whispered, leaning down until their foreheads touched, the smell of lilies that threatened to be his downfall and his salvation all wrapped in one surrounding him. "In fact, I am refusing to do so until you agree to stay. Please, stay."   

"I..." Kate's warm sigh caressed the skin of his cheek, her eyes closed as she steadied herself with one deep breath. "Yes." 

"Yes?" Anthony could not help but enquire, fearful he might have somehow heard her wrong. "Yes, you'll stay?"

"I'll stay. I..." She agreed, swallowing heavily as she opened her eyes and Anthony was too damn tired of holding himself back. 

Kate's body tensed for a second as Anthony leaned down to kiss her, a small gasp of surprise escaping her as his mouth made contact with hers. It was a tentative little thing, at first. Just a gentle brush of lips. If it was not what she wanted, she could just take a step back and Anthony would not resist it. He would not chase her or try to hold onto her, or so he told himself. He liked to believe he was truly the honourable man she believed him to be, but with the warmth of her against his lips, enveloped by the smell of her hair and with his heart all but ready to jump out of his chest, he was not particularly sure he would have the strength to pull away that easily. 

Thankfully, he did not have to discover if he possessed such strength or not, for Kate did not step away from him. Instead, her gasp became a shy little sigh as her entire body relaxed against his, her hands moving upwards to fist at the lapel of his travel coat. Her lips parted slightly and it was all the invitation Anthony needed to deepen their kiss, his arms sneaking around her waist to vanish with every remaining inch of space between them, uncaring about the people from the docks who were probably watching scandalised. 

Anthony was certain he had never encountered anything so divine as the taste of her mouth on his tongue, her hands grasping onto his shoulders firmly as she reciprocated the kiss with inexperience fervour. He had spent countless nights plagued by inappropriate dreams of Kate Sharma, dreams many times much more lewd and salacious than a passionate kiss in a half-secluded corner of the harbour. Yet, he quickly came to find out that none of them even came close to the actual feeling of having her in his arms, her plump, maddening lips against his, her fingers moving tentatively to hold into his neck, tickling the whips of hair growing there. 

He never wished to stop. He would die a happy man right at that second, all his senses surrounded by her, although he found himself pleading once again with God to allow him more. More time, more kisses, more of her. 

Viscount Anthony Bridgerton wanted every single bit of Kathani Sharma she was willing to give. 

" Anthony ." The gentle sigh of his name on her lips sent his heart soaring inside his chest. Kate pulled away just enough so their lips were no longer touching, pressing her forehead against his as she closed her eyes. "I love you." 

 "I love you." He whispered back, cupping her cheeks in his palms, unable and uninterested to keep the bright, disbelieving happiness from his voice. "I think I have since we raced each other in that park." Kate huffed in half amusement and half disbelief and Anthony was filled with a desperate need to make her understand just how much he meant those words. "No, I am quite sure I did. I loved you during our dance, in every walk, every time we've been together and every time we've been apart, even if I had been too stubborn to accept it. Love ... It was not supposed to be a part of my life. I have seen what great love can do to a person when the lovers are eventually pulled apart. I could not allow... I just couldn't. And then you came into my life and the pull I felt towards you terrified me. I kept telling myself it was nothing but desire, some strong, powerful attraction that would fade with time, even if all I found myself being able to think about was you. You took residence in my dreams and that scent..." Anthony could not help but touch the tip of his nose to her ear, his deep inhaling making Kate's breath catch in surprise. "Has been tormenting me since the night of the Conservatory Ball on that terrace. Lillies ..." 

" Anthony ..." Kate whimpered softly at his words, her deep eyes closed and her breathing raggedy and Anthony knew he should give her a moment to process everything he was saying, but he needed to say those words before he lost the courage to say them. 

"I was fearful of the depths of my feelings for you and I refused to acknowledge them until I was faced with the possibility of losing you." Anthony's thumb brushed a stray tear away from Kate's cheek. "When your sister stood in front of me in my study, telling me you were gone... I could not think , Kate. I could barely breathe. And I realised that the idea of losing you terrified me much more than the idea of acting upon my feelings for you. When she handed me the letter... When I realised you would be gone forever, not knowing I loved you back... It drove me to the brink of madness."

"I... I struggled with my feelings as well." Kate hiccuped, staring resolutely at the lapel of his coat her slim fingers were holding onto. "After the Sheffield's dinner, it all became too clear to me and I... I was decided upon finding a good match for my sister, to ensure they would have a comfortable life. Everything I've ever done..."

"Has been for them." Anthony finished before Kate could, the words from her letter echoing around his head.

"Has been for them." She agreed with a sad little smile. "Edwina wished for the match between you, despite my every warning that you could not offer her what she desired and... I could not be the cause of my sister's suffering." Anthony opened his mouth to tell her what her family would suffer just as much with her departure but she raised a finger, pressing it gently over his lips. "They were my priority. I was determined to see them settled here but you insisted on turning my world off its axis, pushing me, tempting me and..." Kate sighed, her sorrowful eyes lifting towards his for the first time since she started speaking. "I could not stand in the way of her happiness, yet, I could not stand and watch her marry you. It was... I could not do it. I would not survive it, wanting a man that belonged to my sister. I could not stay. After our talk in the study, I was sure leaving was the only way to make things right. To give Edwina the life she wanted without ruining myself and her happiness in the process."

 "I do not love your sister, Kate," Anthony muttered, utterly hypnotised by the brown of her eyes. "I never have and I had no plans to.”

"I tried telling her that, yet she would not listen…" 

"I was so sure I could control my own feelings, that emotions were no match for a sound, logical mind. I should never have proposed to her, I should have..." He took her hands once again, squeezing them gently, trying to convey in his words how much he meant every single one of them. "I have made a mess of things and I desperately wish for a chance to atone for my mistakes and to earn your forgiveness. I want to prove to you I am worthy of your love. I want to be worthy of it."

"You do not have to prove anything." 

"But I wish to."  

"I should like that."

" Good ." 

" Good ." Kate's smile was a watery, tentative little thing before her eyes were shadowed by doubt once more, her shoulders hunching tiredly. "There's so much we must discuss, Anthony. You were engaged to my sister until a couple of days ago and now... It will be such a big change, we must talk about how to move forwards and..."

"I know." He brought her knuckles to his lips, pressing gentle kisses to them. "I have sent my coach to secure rooming in an inn nearby. We can have a warm meal and somewhere quieter where we'll be able to talk more privately. If your journey has been in any way similar to mine, I am sure you must be just as tired as I am and a proper night's rest would be most welcome." 

"Christ, very much so." Kate groaned, rotating her neck gingerly. 

"I imagined so." Anthony smiled, offering her his arm, which she gratefully took, walking them out of their half-secluded corner and into the busy street towards the meeting point he had agreed with his footman. "We must write to your family as well, informing them you've not, in fact, departed to India." Kate nodded quietly, staring at the cobblestone at her feet as they walked. "I am sure they are nervously waiting for news."

"I suppose they might be." She sighed deeply. Anthony squeezed her hand comfortingly once again, earning himself a gentle smile, quite unlike the ones he was used to from Miss Kate Sharma. 

"There shall be plenty of time to talk during the carriage ride as well." He spoke conversationally. "Of course, if you wish for even more time to... discuss matters further, there's always the possibility of a slight detour in our return." 

" I'm sorry? " In the time he had spent pretending not to notice Miss Sharma in every situation they found themselves existing in the same room, Anthony had discovered that whenever she was annoyed or confused, she would scrunch her nose adorably, just as she was doing at right at that moment. 

"Well, you see..." Anthony shrugged, not being able to control the small smirk that took shape on his lips at the idea. "We're all packed for a long journey and we're already on the way. If we made it in good time, we would have at least another three whole days worthy of time for important discussions and talks on the way to, say... Scotland? I hear Gretna Green in a well-known spot for runaway lovers."

 " Anthony !" Kate stopped walking, forcing the two of them to a halt, causing a few of the people walking by to grumble in annoyance, her cheeks dark and her big brown eyes even wider as she stared at him in surprise.

" Kate ." Anthony turned, not caring about the people around them, the noise of the docs, or anything that was not ensuring the woman in front of him understood just how very serious he was about his proposition. "I am not allowing you to get away from me ever again. In fact, I wish to tie you to me in any possible way I can think of. Unfortunately, I do not believe you should be very amenable to me doing so in the literal, physical way, therefore my next best option is doing so in front of God, King and Country." 

"But... Anthony !" She shook her head nervously, her eyes getting impossibly wider. " Eloping ?! We can't... The scandal would be..."

"No bigger than if we were to return to London and I were to properly court you in front of the whole ton for the appropriate period of time." He assured her gently, clasping their hands together. "There shall be a scandal either way. At least this way, we shall weather any and all hardship thrown at us together."

" I ..."

"Kate. I want a life that suits us both." Anthony brushed his thumb reassuringly against the back of Kate's hand. "I understand that I've acted carelessly and my actions towards you and your family, and I have caused plenty of strife. I am imperfect, but I will humble myself before you because I cannot imagine my life without you. And this is why I wish to marry you. And I do not wish to spend another day without you by my side. If we must face the judgment of the Ton, at least let us do so together. If it is what you want as well, of course."   

"You do know," Kate's tentative step closer brought them chest to chest, her chin tilted upwards and her lips curled in a soft, lovely smile. "There won't be a day where you do not vex me."

Anthony grinned delightedly at the reply, leaning his head until their noses were almost touching, quite uncaring about the people who would probably scandalised by the proximity between the two of them in the light of day, in a very public space. "Is that a promise Kathani Sharma?"

"What I have been promised, Lord Bridgerton," The menacing woman muttered, brushing the front of his coat lightly. "Was a warm meal, a day's rest and a talk." 

Anthony frowned, ready to rescind his offer, if it was not what she wished for. He wished to tell her that he would return her to London, if she so wished, and call on her every day, bringing flowers, sitting on parlours while chaperoned, going on promenades. He would wait for the proper courtship time, he would offer her a real proposal, he would even wait for the bans to be read if it was what he had to do to have her for the rest of their lives, however long that would be. 

Kate seemed to be able to read his thoughts just as he opened his mouth to pour them out, touching her finger to his half-parted lips. "You can tell me more about this detour idea of yours throughout the meal. I must have all the details before writing to my family to inform them of our plans after all, no?"   

The smile that took over Anthony's lips under her fingertips grew so big it pained his cheeks and he could not help to press a kiss to the slim pads of her fingers before pulling them into his own and leaning down, pressing another feather-light kiss to her soft, grinning mouth. 

"Shall we, My Lady?" 

"Yes, My Lord" Kate looped her arm around his, her hand resting at the crook of his elbow as if it was made to fit perfectly right there. "We shall."

Chapter Text

Kathani Bridgerton stood at the edge of the dockyard, watching as the waves crashed against the hull of the great vessel standing in front of her, her drifting thoughts moving like the tides below her. 

It was almost comical, how swiftly one's world could change. 

The last time Kate had stood at the port, surrounded by the loud noises of harbour workers and sailors and the foul stenches of the large embarkments, she had been running. She had been scared and heartbroken, even if she believed it to be the best course of action to ensure her family's future happiness. And worst of all, she had been drowning in shame. Shame about her ever-growing feelings towards the Viscount, her sister's intended, shame regarding her secretive schemes that had only managed to cause more heartache to her family, shame in not being brave enough to apologise to her family face-to-face, having to resort to running away under the cloak of nighttime. 

Guilt and sorrow had been her companions in that first trip towards the Southampton harbour, in what felt like another lifetime ago, although Kate knew only four months had passed between then and now. She vividly remembered standing next to the ship which was supposed to be her home for the following six months and her means of escape from the plaguing feelings she could not control for the man she could not have. The ship held the passage towards the freedom she had somehow convinced herself she longed for, although looking at it, she had known, even if she had refused to admit to it, it was not what she truly wanted. 

And then, just as he always seemed bound to do, Anthony Bridgerton had stormed into her life and, once again, turned it upside down. 

They had talked, just as he promised they would. They discussed what the future would entail for the two of them once they returned to London over their meal. They had discussed their actions throughout the season as they sat opposite one another in front of the heat of one of the rooms Anthony had secured them in the Inn. They had spoken of their fears and admitted to things they had never dared to share with anyone else before in the safe enclosure of the carriage making its way to Gretna Green. They had talked about the hopes and dreams of a life both of them had left behind, buried along with their beloved fathers as they lay in their marital bed with nothing but the droplets of sweat around them. 

By the time they had arrived back in London, around a whole week after the day Anthony had found her in the docks, snatched her heart to himself and changed the course of her entire life, Kate knew with a burning certainty it was possible to know someone just as well as you knew yourself.

Even with all of her new husband's assurance that her mother and sister would be happy to see her home, Kate had not been fully convinced her family would take all that kindly to her return. They might have truly worried for her when they discovered her gone before the agreed timeframe and they might have been relieved to see her again but she couldn't help but remember all the grievances she had caused them throughout the season, not to mention the fact that Kate was returning home married to the man who had been, less than two weeks previous, engaged to be married to her sister. Even if they had felt forgiving when she left, the amount of scandal and confusion they ought to cause would surely rekindle any lingering resentment between her, Mary and Edwina.

The fear that had plagued her during the final day of their journey might have explained just how surprised Kate had been when her sister jumped into Kate's arms with tears streaming down her face before the returning pair could have fully set foot inside the grand house's foyer, their mother following suit just a few steps behind. She had not expected to be received in such a way, much less the easy acceptance she'd gotten from Anthony's family. Violet Bridgerton had wrapped her in a tight hug with moist eyes, muttering about being happy to welcome her into the family, his siblings... well, their siblings, she supposed, flocked to them with cheerful grins and well-meaning questions. Even Lady Danbury, who Kate was not yet certain liked her very much, had thumped her cane, nodding her head to Kate with a "Lady Bridgerton," in a tone that sounded suspiciously as begrudging respect. 

Yet, none of that had prepared her for the surprise which came later, as Edwina sat next to her in Bridgerton House's parlour, unwilling to let go of her hand for much more than three or four seconds at a time, and, after Kate and Anthony answered questions about their journey since the Viscount had left in the middle of the night, the matriarchs reported how their own week had been. 

Kate had not managed to keep from gawking at her little sister in awe as Lady Danbury proudly informed Kate of Edwina's cunning and bravery, demanding the Dowager Countess arrange a meeting with the Queen to plead their case. She had not even bothered to attempt to keep the tears at bay as their mothers spoke of Edwina's passionate speech in front of Her Majesty, speaking of true love and exaltedly assuring the monarch to support and even encourage their actions fully. Her sister was truly, deeply happy for them.   

It had taken at least a quarter of an hour to be able to convince Kate to pull away from the half-suffocating embrace she had crushed her sister into, and another quarter to get her crying under control. 

It had not all been quite so easy in the days that followed. Much still needed to be settled. Conversations were long overdue, open, honest and rather quite difficult conversations between Kate and her Edwina, Kate and Mary and between the three of them. Those talks had left her drained and introspective and Anthony had been her safe port as she trailed into their room, lost inside of her own head, wishing she could disappear. He would not speak if she did not wish to, content with sitting with his arms wrapped around her, her nose buried in his neck or her ear pressed against his warm chest until she decided to share what was on her mind with him if she ever did. Just as she did for him after a particularly gruesome conversation between her husband and Violet. 

And, even with the Queen's support behind them, there had been a scandal. Her Majesty wished to claim she had been the one to spot their obvious growing affection and realised they would be a true love match and no one seemed inclined to disagree or contradict her. Not only that, she wished to showcase the great match she had architected for the whole Ton to see, which meant they must be seen. 

The difficult part had not been the portrayal of a love match. Once she had finally allowed herself to embrace her feelings, having them welcomed and reciprocated, loving Anthony had felt as natural as breathing. No, what was hard was having all eyes of the Ton turned to them. 

Kate had grown used to her position as a spinster, hiding away at the corner of the ballroom along with the married ladies and wallflowers, allowing Edwina to receive all the attention to herself. It was easy to become invisible in the eyes of the Ton when she had been Miss Kate Sharma but it was impossible to do so as Lady Kate Bridgerton. She could feel the burning of every gaze the moment they stepped into any party, dinner or soirée, tongues waging behind hands and fans. 

She hated it, the whole attention befalling her. Yet, as well as accompanying their two debuting sisters to events, both in opposite stages of interest and cooperation, they had to showcase there was no great scandal to be seen, only two people who loved each other and their supportive families, until the Ton grew bored of them and found themselves some other piece of gossip to busy themselves with. But Anthony had been right, the day he found her and confessed his feelings. There was no scandal they could not weather, as long as they were together. 

Finally, the season had come to an end, and the Aristocratic families of the Ton returned to their country seats to enjoy the end of the Summer and prepare for the coldest months. There were no more balls to attend, callers to receive or unending dinners to sit through, pretending not to notice the thinly veiled barbs some people sent her way in the form of compliments. 

Which brought her back to the port. Kate was leaving again, the passages purchased and the trunks loaded into the cabin inside the large vessel swaying in the waves in front of her. But unlike the last time, she was not attempting to escape, to run away and never look back. And she would not be doing so alone.  

"Viscountess," Kate felt her heart flutter inside her chest at the loving tone of Anthony's voice behind her. She turned to stare at her handsome husband, smiling at her with the sun shining through his lovely brown locks of hair, the wind making a mess of the usually so serious, put-together Viscount who was watching her with adoring eyes. "Are you ready?" 

The last time she'd been at the port, she'd been running. Running from love, from heartbreak, from the future she was so sure she did not deserve and was not brave enough to even dream of. But that was no more.

"Whenever you are, My Lord." She offered a blinding smile that matched the love written all over his features, looping her hand around his offering elbow and together they made their way towards the boarding plank and the journey awaiting them.   

Kathani Bridgerton did not run from things anymore, only towards them, secure in the knowledge that Anthony's arms would be there to catch her at the end of her race, no matter how far she had gone.