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Chapter Text

His eyes stung and he knew he was fucked. There was no way to stop it now.

He was going to cry in front of Akutagawa.

It was just too much, it wasn’t his fault, it was stupid emo boy who got him all worked up. It was a very tiring mission, he was at his wit's end already, and then he had to endure the endless banter that got more and more vicious each time the turn was on Akutagawa. 

Believe it or not, it started with a compliment.

“Good work today.”

Which for some reason sent Akutagawa into angry mode (he was always in angry mode though, maybe unreasonably angry mode?).

“Like you can say that. You were useless, jinko.”

He then got called stupid, idiot, stupid idiot, fool, fleabag, moron, but his eyes started watering at waste of space. His comebacks were mostly pleas to stop, to just sit silently and wait for their stops and then they won’t have to see each other until the next joint mission.

It didn’t stop Akutagawa. It seemed to solidify his resolve to obliterate his partner with words.

At that point he just wanted a hug from Kyouka and to cry himself to sleep. He couldn’t help it. The more he liked Akutagawa, the more his words hurt him. After the horrors of Decay of Angels, he couldn’t bring himself to hate him like he used to, he respected him, and he loved working with him. The banter was manageable, but today … today it was too much. It couldn’t even be called banter at this point; it was an attack on everything that he was. Akutagawa clearly didn’t respect him back.

And then his eyes started watering, then overflowing. His throat hurt from holding back a sob, his chest felt too small for everything he held there. He turned towards his car window, hiding from Akutagawa’s angry gaze, hoping he could pass his tremors on the moving car.

“… and that savior complex of yours? If you didn’t jump in front of me today, I would …” He stopped. Oh, fuck. Oh no. He could feel his eyes on the back of his head. “Jinko, look at me when I’m speaking to you.”

Atsushi ignored him, pretending to be gazing out of the window, hoping not giving him attention was a trick that would work on him.

Nope.

“Are you stupid? I said look at me!”

Rashomon grabbed his hand and forced him to face him.

Atsushi didn’t look at him though. He could barely see anything through the tears, anyway, but he really didn’t want to see his partners face right now. He knew he looked horrible; red eyes, puffed face, snotty nose. Combine that with how tired he already was, some old blood from the battle and voila, he was probably absolutely revolting.

“Let me go,” he said quietly, facing nothing in particular.

“Why are you crying?”

“I said, let me go, Akutagawa,” he tried with more force, but it still came out as weak. He was sure he would call him out on that. Is that all you got, jinko? Asking your enemy nicely if he can stop? Pathetic.

Rashomon finally disentangled from him, and he rubbed at his reddened wrist, looking out the window once more, hoping they could both just forget it, forget everything.

“Why are you crying?”

Oh, for fucks sake.

He dug through his bag for tissues, bent on not answering him.

“Here.” A handkerchief landed on his lap, and Atushi was now mad. Was he mocking him? Making him cry, playing stupid about not knowing why, giving him a fancy piece of cloth to wipe his nose? Was he supposed to think it was out of goodness of his heart? It was probably smeared with ink or blood or something anyway.

He let the handkerchief fall on the floor, searching for his own tissues in the bag. Fuck him.

“Why are you mad at me?”

For a second he asked himself if it was him that was crazy. But no, this was Akutagawa they were talking about. Was he gaslighting him?

He dabbed around his eyes, tears slowly subsiding; he was way too angry right now to be sad.

“Did you see the headmaster again? What happened?”

What. The. Fuck.

Why would he say something so personal so casually?

He couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t ask him, and he’d have a mental breakdown if he had to swallow more jabs and insults. Or questions. Pretending like he … like he cared. As if.

He looked out of the window, recognizing the street they were on. It was still pretty far away from the ADA dorms, but he could use a walk. Or to be anywhere that wasn’t near Akutagawa.

“Driver! This is my stop.”

They pulled over and Atsushi fumbled with his seatbelt, eager to get out. Akutagawa didn’t say anything, so he didn’t say anything either, he just threw a quick ‘bye’ that could’ve been directed towards the driver and slammed the door.

He let out a long exhale when the car finally disappeared behind the corner.

He hoped their next mission wouldn’t be so soon.

*

“Atsushi-kun! Good news! You’ll be seeing your favorite rabid dog again!”

Atsushi groaned. It’s literally been a week, what the hell!? He hit his head against the wall to really bring the point home about him hating this.

Dazai seemed a bit surprised at his reaction.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Atsushi asked, then returned his look to the indentation he made in the wall. Oopsie.

Dazai sighed.

“You seemed … well, not exactly happy, but excited until now? To work with him?” He plopped down on his chair, spun a couple of times, stopped and then sighed again. “I thought it was going well. Did something happen?”

Atsushi gave him a funny look.

“Did you think we’ll become friends? We still work just fine together; don’t you and Chuuya have a similar relationship? Shouting and insulting each other? Just don’t expect me to be happy about it.”

Dazai returned the funny look.

“So, he said something really stupid?”

“Of course he did.”

Atsushi was glad they were alone right now. He felt his eyes sting again, so he quickly thought of things that made him happy. Kyouka. Chameleons. Chazuke. Akuta—

What the fuck.

Well, it did stop the tears, though.

“I know you get compared to me and Chuuya a lot, but you should at least try to ignore that. You are nothing like me and Akutagawa is nothing like Chuuya, how could you have a similar relationship? But I know shouting and insulting is not your style at all, so … want me to send someone else this time?”

Atsushi stared at him. That was … such a nice thing to say and offer.

“Wow, Dazai-san, thank you for … thank you.” His eyes fucking stung again, what was happening to him? “I … I don’t want to turn a job down; you know how I am … but … would it be possible to get us two separate cars? I know we said we should leech off the Port Mafia budget as much as we can, but …”

“I can’t promise you a car, but I could bully Kunikida into approving a train ticket.”

Atsushi smiled.

“Thanks, Dazai-san.”

*

Akutagawa had the audacity to look hurt.

It was a standard mission, Atsushi only got shot twice and had an arm amputated once (because he covered Akutagawa, of course), the ability user was quickly captured with their combined strength. As per usual, their communication during the fight was almost telepathic, they truly were a force to be reckoned with.

And then, when it was over …

“Good work today.”

Atsushi felt like screaming. Why would Akutagawa say that to him!? Was he provoking him? Trying to get him into another fight? Thank god they had separate travel plans this time. It was an almost twenty-minute walk to the nearest train station, but by god did that not bother him right now.

In response, he made an unidentifiable gesture with his hands, it could mean ‘yeah, sure, good work, whatever’ or ‘fuck you’. Atsushi didn’t care which one would get across, he meant both of them.

He started walking towards the junction to cross the street, when he heard a cough. It was a ‘I require your attention, jinko’ kind of cough, he was weirded out by how well he knew him by now.

Against his better judgement, he turned around.

Akutagawa was holding the car door opened.

“What?” he tried to say as neutrally as he could, crossing his arms.

“What ‘what’? Get in, stup—jinko.”

Atsushi raised his eyebrows.

“Um, I’m taking the train, thanks. Bye.”

And then he looked hurt. A weird thought crossed Atsushi’s mind, was Akutagawa holding the door for him? He’d probably pinch his fingers or something, what did he think would happen?  

Akutagawa gave him a short nod and ducked into the car. Atsushi felt a pang or guilt in his chest but decided to ignore it. He was in the right, and he didn’t owe Akutagawa anything. Especially his kindness.

At least not right now.

Chapter Text

“I had a wonderful dream last night … you ate a bullet and died!”

“That is no way to greet someone, shitty Dazai!”

“But you just had to give me a call and disperse the sweet illusion … what is it that you want, hatrack, I have important daydreams to go back to, you know.”

Chuuya gripped his phone with so much force he heard a crack. Not wanting to lose yet another phone to his rage, he deposited it on his desk, putting it on speaker.

“I have a mission proposal. It’s for Akutagawa and Nakajima, we should—”

“No can do! Atsushi-kun is booked, I tell you, no more missions for the tiger this month, bye-bye!”

Chuuya slammed his fists on the desk, rattling everything on it.

“Dazai! Don’t you dare hang-up on me! Not until you tell me why you’ve been avoiding new missions for them!”

Dazai giggled. Forget his phone, he was about to trash his whole office if he didn’t stop his childish behavior right this second.

“So informal today! Why couldn’t you just lead with that, you seriously thought you could trick me? Oh, silly slug … discussing missions via phone, you sure are stupid.”

Chuuya’s vein on his forehead looked ready to pop.

“Dazai. Give me a good reason why Nakajima is no longer being sent on missions with Akutagawa or you will force me to report this breach of contract.”

“Your lack of faith in me wounds me, little man! As his mentor I make decisions that are best for him, I’m getting really good at it, you know.” He sighed, probably reclining in his chair. “But okay, since you asked nicely. Atsushi-kun would rather not see Akutagawa for a while because he made him cry and he’s still not over it.”

Shouts of protest erupted on both sides of the phone call.

“Dazai-san! Why would you tell him that!? I didn’t even tell you I cried, how did you—”

“I did not make him cry; I was being perfectly civil, but if he’s so weak—”

Chuuya glared at Akutagawa who was sitting across from him, Rashomon rippling around his shoulders.

“I told you to be quiet!”

“Is that Akutagawa? Atsushi-kun, come say hi!” There was a loud thud in the background. “Oh. Atsushi-kun just left.”

“Akutagawa just left, too.”

There was a beat of silence.

“So, did Akutagawa ask you to call me? You think he misses—”

Chuuya hung up. Akutagawa did indeed ask him to call Dazai to see what the matter was. He was getting restless lately; he even publicly complained there was no one in the mafia worthy to be his partner, implying no one came close to Nakajima. Even Gin looked surprised at the declaration. The man was easily irritated on a good day, but right now he was outright unbearable, lashing out constantly, so when he approached him asking about a new mission with the ADA, he was quick to agree to ask around a bit. Even if it meant calling that mackerel.

He put his feet on his desk, trying to relax after the aggravating phone call, when the desk collapsed.  

Fucking Dazai.

*

Atsushi was mad. He should’ve known Dazai-san wasn’t being so nice for no reason, it was definitely a plan he had set in motion or hell, maybe he just did it for funsies since Yokohama had a very long peace streak and he was bored. The whole fucking office now knew Akutagawa made him cry, he felt so embarrassed he could not stay there for a second more.

He knew of a place that would calm him down, his legs carried him there without his brain giving them the green light. He needed to relax and for some reason that place made him feel at peace.

Before he could stop himself, he was buying flowers. He cursed under his breath, muscle memory taking over his confused mind. He hasn’t done this in a while, but whatever. It’s fine. He just needed to get there, so he could feel at peace.

And not just at peace, the spot made him feel safe. He’s been there before, right after the fight on Moby Dick, but he started regularly frequenting the spot after a different fight …

He finally reached the pier, practically collapsed at its edge and dangled his feet above the water, putting the flowers next to him, trying not to think too hard about them.

The view was amazing. The sea in front of him, the Yokohama skyscrapers behind him.

It felt right.

It felt like a lifeline after he burst out of his escape pod, having barely survived the fight with Fukuchi. He was only here because … because of—

“Are those for me?”

Atsushi froze, slowly turning around, finding his worst nightmare looking down at him.

Was that a joke? Did he just make a joke? Because there was no way he knew …

“What are you doing here, Akutagawa?”

“I could ask you the same. That is my spot.” He motioned towards the flowers on his left as if they were offending him.

Atsushi huffed, forcing himself to look away, towards the sea. He wasn’t going to attack him. Right?

“Well just move them. Or throw them away. But this is my spot and I’m not moving.”

Akutagawa came closer, though he was still standing, threatening to step on the flowers.

“I’ve never seen you here before,” he said almost accusingly, crossing his arms.

“I’ve never seen you here before, either,” Atsushi retaliated, hugging his knees. And after a short pause, a lot more quietly and less irritated: “I usually come for the sunset.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He didn’t elaborate on that. To keep in mind for what? Probably to avoid him, that made the most sense.

And then, right when Atsushi was starting to relax:

“You shouldn’t cry so easily, you know.”

Well, fuck. And here he was, thinking they might actually have a civil conversation about how stupid Dazai-san was. Stupid, stupid jinko for getting his hopes up.

“You shouldn’t call people names, either.”

“You’re weak.”

“Fuck you, Akutagawa.”

Atsushi closed his eyes, exasperated. How could he ever hope for them to be anything else than this …  

“And you want to make me weak, too. If it means I have to call you names so you don’t infect me with it, so be it.”

Almost thirty second passed before Atsushi was ready to respond.

“What. The. Fuck. Did you just say.”

“Don’t try to pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. ‘How are you, are you okay, that cut looks really deep, let me help you, Akutagawa.’ You want to make me weak in the same way you are.” He talked in a monotonous voice; his eyes had this faraway look in them that had nothing to do with the view. It was like he was wearing a mask.

Atsushi knew the orphanage fucked him up in ways he didn’t yet recognize, things far more insidious than the manifestation of his caretaker. He should probably visit a therapist at some point, but holy fuck, so should Akutagawa. What exactly did Dazai-san do to him?

“Let me get this straight. I am trying to make you weak by caring about you on the most superficial level possible? Weak how!?”

“I said what I said. I am letting you know as a sign of goodwill to continue this cooperation. So don’t cry anymore. It’s nothing personal.”

Akutagawa was wearing a stoic mask. He wasn’t even angry, which confused Atsushi the most. He felt a sudden urge to get a reaction out of the older man. Luckily, he gave him everything he needed.

“You wouldn’t be saying this if it didn’t work.” He huffed, leaning back on his hands, looking him in the eyes with a copy of Dazai-san’s grin. “You’re acting so strange because you already like me.”

The tiger was on stand-by, ready to jump ten feet in the air or block a deadly tendril at any moment in any direction.

Seconds passed.

Nothing happened.

Akutagawa sighed, closing his eyes.

“I won’t apologize for protecting myself.” He was looking at the flowers, maybe he pieced it together by now.

“I’m … I’m not looking for an apology, Akutagawa,” Atsushi said bashfully, taken aback by the implication. Akutagawa didn’t hate him anymore? What? “And I didn’t ask Dazai-san for less missions, I swear. I’ll … try to be less … me, I guess? In the future. To not make you feel uncomfortable.”

A small eternity passed and then his partner slowly nodded.

In that moment, he looked … different. Gentle, thought Atsushi, marveling at the man in black. He looked gentle. His scowl relaxed into something rawer, something more sad than angry. His crossed arms no longer looked defensive but more like he was giving himself a hug. He wanted to give him that hug.

Atsushi stood up, suddenly feeling very embarrassed and warm, especially around his cheeks.

“O-kay. I should go. I’ll see you around, yeah?”

It didn’t seem like he heard him, so he slowly tiptoed away, glancing back when he was about to turn the corner.

His head was inclined.

He was still staring at the lilies Atsushi sometimes left at the pier for Akutagawa’s grave in the middle of the sea.

Chapter Text

The car was silent. The only sounds that could be heard were the car engine, the splattering of rain and Akutagawa’s occasional dry cough. The driver was hiding behind a wall this time, apparently he made a complaint about a swinging black monster head almost making him crash.

Atsushi wished his complaints would get him a partition just like his, too, but unfortunately, Dazai-san was back at being unhelpful. Which was probably for the best.

It was still fucking awkward, though.

He kept silently staring into the darkening view out the window, ignoring the man sitting next to him. They haven’t spoken at all, just a casual nod before the mission, some screaming during the fight and then nothing. He almost missed the banter, the kind that didn’t make him cry, he didn’t like this weirdly loud silence at all. He still wouldn’t speak, though. He was too afraid to do something wrong, to make Akutagawa uncomfortable again.  

The said man coughed again, and Atsushi winced.

He recognized the cough, what it meant.

But he just closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, trying to tune it out. Akutagawa was a grown man that was supposed to know how to take care of himself. Plus, he made it clear Atsushi shouldn’t show him any type of kindness, or he would get berated again. It was for the best. He’ll just ignore it …

The more time went on, the more coughs filled their shared space and the more hunched over Atsushi became, as if running from his need to say something by holding it in in such a weird way.

After a while he suddenly straitened up, a determined look on his face. He knocked on the wall separating the two of them from the driver, making him lower it.  

“We’re making a short stop. Can you take us here?”

He then showed him his phone and the driver gave him a short nod, then quickly closed his partition again.

“It’ll be quick,” Atsushi said towards the window, as if apologizing to it, feeling the steely eyes burning the back of his head.

Akutagawa huffed.

“Whatever.”

The car soon slowed down, and Atsushi jumped out immediately the moment it stopped, as if afraid they would leave without him if he didn’t hurry (which, to be honest, was a possibility; the ADA certainly wasn’t the one paying the car or the driver). He burst through the doors of a particular chain coffee shop and beelined for the counter; it was getting late and fortunately there was no one else waiting in line.

“Jasmine tea. Hot.”

He pulled the change out of his pocket which he counted beforehand.

The wait wasn’t long, but his tired mind still drifted while the drink was being prepared. What exactly was he doing? How should he give it to him without making it seem like … fuck, he was too tired for this thinking shit.  

The barista called his name, and he quickly shoved the thoughts down and took the drink, turning towards the exit, happy with how fast everything unraveled; he hoped Akutagawa didn’t have the time to be …

Angry.

The man standing before the establishment’s automatic doors looked angry.

Oh, he fucked up badly.

“We have about an hour left. There is a mini bar in the car. Why. The fuck. Did you have to get a latte.” He said the last word as if a latte once murdered his family.

Atsushi gulped.

“It’s not a latte,” was all his foggy mind could come up with.

“I don’t care what it is. I’m getting a drink too and then we go.”

Atsushi opened and closed his mouth while Akutagawa passed him, approaching the counter like he was approaching a battle.

Atsushi sighed, but then his frown slowly gave way to a small smile. Because this was better than the malformed plan he had in mind. It was in fact … the perfect outcome. Making him think like it was his idea.

“Jasmine tea. Hot.”

Atushi sat in an armchair, waiting for Akutagawa to get his usual tea from his usual chain coffee shop he’s noticed him buying. He caught himself looking at the prickly man (which was now carefully observing the baristas shaking hands, was he looking for signs he wanted to poison his tea?) with something akin to affection, which he attributed to the late hour and his severe lack of sleep.

The barista kept messing up the very simple order for some reason (maybe it had something to do with the angry and dangerous looking man with a coat that occasionally growled at him, who knows) and by the time Akutagawa was done, Atsushi almost dozed off in his comfortable chair.

Atsushi suddenly realized it’s been quiet for some time, and he forced himself to open his heavy eyes.

Akutagawa was standing in front of him, nursing his cup of tea, looking at the one on the table Atsushi completely forgot about since he wasn’t supposed to be the one to drink it.

He felt a blush spreading on his cheeks. Was he busted? Was this a replay of the flowers?

“You don’t usually order tea, do you.”

He’s getting stabbed, isn’t he?

“N-No.” Fuck. He wasn’t supposed to say that. Think brain, think! “But! I only did it so you’d finally stop coughing, it was getting on my nerves, I couldn’t sleep!”

He hoped his half-truth would soften the blow.

And while he was bracing for an attack, it happened again.

Akutagawa was holding his large cup in front of his face, obscuring his lips; it was almost as if he was hiding himself behind it. He almost looked … shy. His eyes were downcast and unmoving, like he didn’t want to meet Atsushi’s gaze. He was hugging himself with his unoccupied hand, rubbing circles in his coat with his index finger. He looked soft, shy, gentle. So different from his usual self.  

And Atsushi’s brain could only muster up one coherent thought: He is so fucking pretty.

Before he could figure out what to say or do, Akutagawa sat down. He still didn’t look at him; in fact, he completely turned his body away from Atsushi who was now marveling at his lovely profile.

“Drink it here. You’ll spill it in the car.”

He had a point.

The warm tea and the silent but homey café soon lulled Atsushi back to (almost) sleep. On the edge of dreams, he felt something softly touching his hair.

By the time he forced himself back to the land of the awake, Akutagawa was already waiting for him by the car. He couldn’t tell if the touch really happened or if he imagined it; he had mixed feelings about both possibilities.

Chapter Text

The blood just wouldn’t stop pouring. The carpet he was sitting on was soaked by now, the thick liquid sinking into the wood floor, and Atsushi was so tired he couldn’t come up with anything. How did he get into this situation? He could barely remember the fight, vaguely remembering something slashing at his leg, almost severing it. He then woke up here, in an old and abandoned looking house with very poor lighting. He could be anywhere, the weird shapes twisted in the dark, making him imagine things (he was light-headed, could it be he was hallucinating?). He was also alone. So terribly alone. Lost, bleeding to death and alone.

He noticed a bag next to his feet. He reached for it and almost passed out from the sudden movement, the blood-loss making itself evident.

He found a phone, his phone, relief overwhelming his senses.

With trembling hands he opened his contacts list, calling the first person on it.

It only rang twice; he answered so quickly Atsushi didn’t even have the time to hold his breath.

“What?”

He let out a choked sound, unreasonably happy to hear his voice.

“A-Akutagawa.”

A beat of silence.

“What’s wrong?”

Atsushi laid on the rug again, closing his eyes. He suddenly felt safe, like everything was going to be alright.

“I … I’m sorry to bother you, but … I’m hurt and … I have no idea where I am.” He felt extremely dumb saying this. He should’ve been calling Dazai, right? His number was literally the next after ‘Akutagawa’, how could he be so stupid? His eyes started watering, his limbs ached, was he really dying? “I’m … I’m sca—”

Akutagawa cursed, shuffling noises coming from his side of the call.

“I leave you alone for two seconds and …” Some more cursing and something incoherent. “Can you describe the place you’re at?”

“It’s dark, I can’t really see. I—”

“You can see in the dark, Nakajima. What happened to you tiger sight?”

“I think I lost too much blood.” He took a trembling breath, trying to hide his dread with a smile. “It’s not healing, Akutagawa.”

“What?”

The underlying panic in Akutagawa’s voice only made him spiral further.

“Okay, I’ll be at the safe house in about three minutes, I can track you from there with the GPS. I’ll call Dazai-san in the meantime, okay? We’ll find you, Nakajima.”

“Wait, don’t g—”

The call disconnected and Atsushi’s hand fell to the floor, weak and unmoving.

Akutagawa said he’ll find him. It was going to be alright.

He closed his eyes, trying to relax, thinking about the man trying to save him to ground himself.

He then heard voices down the corridor and slightly jumped when the door opened, violently.

“… he said it’s not working, he can’t heal, he looked fine when I left him, that’s why I fucking left him, I told you, I wouldn’t have left if he didn’t tell me to, he was fine, yes, he was bleeding but he always fucking bleeds from somewhere, I was just getting him food from across the street, I didn’t think he’ll be …”

A strong light illuminated the room and if he could, Atsushi would jump into a fighting stance. He instead forced himself to open his eyes just a little, trying to confirm what his messed-up senses were suspecting.

Akutagawa was staring at him, phone in his right hand, a huge plastic bag in his left.

“I found him. Abort.”

He threw the phone on the couch and let the bag fall on the floor, and then he was crouching next to Atsushi on the sticky rug, instantly ruining his clothes.

“Atsushi, what the fuck? I thought you got kidnapped.”

Atsushi just stared at him, completely at a loss. He found him already?

He looks good when he’s worried about me.

Akutagawa huffed, looking embarrassed.

Shit.

Did he say that part out loud?

“You should eat, you need the energy.”

A delicious smell spread through the now familiar looking room when Akutagawa removed the lid from Atsushi’s chazuke. Atsushi even found the strength in him to somehow sit upright; his partner noticed his struggle and even helped him lean against the couch (Atsushi hoped he didn’t say any of his thoughts out loud while this was happening).

And then he ate, while Akutagawa stood in the corner, observing him.

At his third bowl, memories started to come back.

“Oh. We were here before. This safe house.”

“We arrived this morning, yes. And I left you here about thirty minutes ago.”

Atsushi’s chopsticks fell into the bowl, splashing some liquid onto the already ruined rug.

“Only half an hour?”

Akutagawa glanced at his watch.

“Twenty-seven minutes since I left you here. You said you were fine.”

He said that last part accusingly and Atsushi was now the embarrassed one.

“Right … I might’ve … well, lied a bit.” He remembered now. Akutagawa was waiting for them to leave, the car was ready, but his stupid leg wound wouldn’t close up and he could barely move. He needed more time, so he came up with something. Something fairly stupid apparently because he could not remember what.

“I know. That’s why I was getting you food.” Atsushi's heart skipped a beat. Is this how Akutagawa felt when Atsushi did something nice for him? Why did he fight it, this felt fucking amazing! “I didn’t know it was this bad, though. You should’ve told me. You should always tell me.”

His calm demeanor was giving way to something … much less calm.

“I’m sorry … I didn’t want to be an inconvenience …” and make you mad, he wanted to add, but thankfully his censorship function was back online.

Akutagawa stared at him, looking mad.

“You’d want me to tell you if I didn’t feel fine, right?”

“Yeah, and you never do.”

His sassy function was back, too. Akutagawa didn’t seem too happy about it, though.

“We’re partners. We should know these types of things. You feel bad, you tell me. And I’ll …” There was a pause. They both stood still. “I’ll tell you, too. It’s just the rational, most optimal thing to do. We’re in this thing together. You die because you don’t trust me, I kill you.”

Well. It wasn’t the worst deal.

“Yeah, I get it. All right.” He finished the bowl, feeling so much better already. The wound still didn’t close entirely but at least the bleeding stopped.

They were quiet for a bit, trying to figure out what exactly to do.

“We can go. I can just sleep in the car.”

“Oh, you’re tired?”

“I guess, yeah.”

“You’re always tired lately.” His eyes narrowed as if to warn him to choose his next words carefully. “Why are you always tired lately?”

Atsushi hugged his knees, wincing.

“It’s none of your business.”

“It is if you call me in a frenzy, not remembering where you are and why. You could … could’ve endangered us. Risked the mission.”

“Aren’t you tired from these missions? And I lost a lot of blood, of course I’m fucking tired, Akutagawa. Just let it go,” he tried to deflect.

“I have to know. It’s for the best.”

The weretiger looked conflicted.

“You … you said … this feels …” He looked really nervous. “Akutagawa, I don’t want to risk and make you feel … you know. I don’t … just …”

Akutagawa put his hands in his pockets, looking like a statue of repressed violence.

“I won’t force you to tell me.” He then pulled out his phone and dialed a number. “It’s too late, anyway.” He whispered the last part and Atsushi knew he was recovering because he could hear it. He didn’t understand it, though.

The call connected.

“We’re staying the night. You’re dismissed.”

He then turned towards the younger male, elegantly closing his flip phone with one hand.

“I’ll take the couch.”

*

Atsushi was laying in bed, hugging his pillow. He had a hard time staying awake, but he couldn’t fall asleep just yet. He had to do one more thing. He knew he was going to do it but somehow, he still hasn’t found the courage to … actually do it.

He heard the couch squeaking. Wait a minute. If Akutagawa fell asleep before him, then this was a timed mission.

Fuck, just get up, goddamn it.

He slapped himself a few times, forcing himself to muster up the determination needed for this.

Here we go.

His leg almost didn’t hurt anymore when he slowly tiptoed towards the door, opening it. He was greeted by a strange sight; Akutagawa was sitting on the couch, facing him, a laptop in his lap. The light from the computer was reflecting in his glasses. His glasses. Akutagawa wore glasses?

Adorable.

“What.”

He kept typing away, not looking up from his computer.

Atsushi cleared his throat, leaning on the door frame, trying to calm his heart.

“Kyouka-chan’s moved out. Um, we lived together, if you didn’t … know that.” He combed a hand through his messy hair, wondering if he’ll regret this. “Someone from the outside complained when I accidentally told them we aren’t related … she’s now staying with Yosano-san, temporarily, until things calm down, but I really don’t want her to have any problems because of this so it’s probably going to be a while.” He sighed, looking very, very tired. “I have trouble falling asleep since. I get nightmares. I don’t know where I am, but it feels like … the orphanage. I had those dreams before, too, but they got … worse. I keep calling for Kyouka-chan and … she used to wake me up. But now I have no one and I have trouble falling asleep because if I do …” He looked like he was about to collapse right then and there. “I’m tired of being stuck there.”

Akutagawa didn’t stop staring at his computer, but his typing stopped a while ago.

“So yeah, I guess I am kind of tired lately.” He cleared his throat again, hoping his blush wasn’t as apparent in the dark before he whispered his request. “Do you mind if I leave the door open?”

A few painful seconds passed before Akutagawa took his glasses off and looked in Atsushi’s general direction (how clearly could he see him?).

“You should get the sleep. Do what you must.”

And then he went back to work.

Atsushi returned to his bed, falling asleep before his head hit the mattress.

Chapter Text

“Does it seriously not bother you when I’m pressing on your throat like this?”

They were … an unusual sight. In the middle of a bamboo forest, completely alone, and the younger was carrying the older on his back.

“What do you mean?”

Atsushi was clearly breathing heavily, and maybe in didn’t have to do with the weight of the skinny mafioso, but his headlock that was slowly draining Atsushi of his lifeforce.

“I’ve been doing it for the past fifteen minutes. Were you going to say anything about it or just die?”

Atsushi stopped, thinking.

“I mean, if you have to …” And then his oxygen-deprived brain finally caught up. “Wait. Are you doing it on purpose?”

“Yes.”

Seconds passed. Atsushi was quietly panting while Akutagawa was hiding his face behind his head.

“Oh. Well. Can you stop?”

“Yeah, fine.”

Atsushi started walking again, taking deep breaths of the chilly winter evening. The mission wasn’t exactly a success, but it turns out it wasn’t an actual mission to begin with, more like an ill-devised teambuilding practice conjured by one and only Dazai-san, and he found himself quite enjoying his time in the woods (he’ll still yell at the man when he gets back, though).

He absentmindedly registered his partners bony knees pressing into his ribs a little harder than before, but whatever, he was probably just cold and was gripping him a little too hard.

“What is wrong with you?”

Atsushi chuckled.

“Oh, I could give you a list of things, probably.”

Akutagawa huffed, annoyed, and Atsushi felt his hot breath at the back of his neck.

“Why aren’t you saying anything?” He was probably talking about his lack of response to his quiet torture, but Atsushi didn’t feel like giving him a straight answer.

“Oh, you mean you want to chat while we walk?”

“No!”

Atsushi wanted to laugh but repressed his newly found joy when he annoyed Akutagawa. Maybe he was going to use Rashomon next, he should be careful.

“Is your pain tolerance screwed? Is that it?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He was being honest, which seemed to annoy Akutagawa further. Maybe he should cooperate if he didn’t want to test his pain tolerance theory soon.

“You’ve been acting weird lately. I punch you and you smile. You are sick, Nakajima.”

Oh, so you worry about me? thought Atsushi, but knew better than to say it.

“Hm, yeah, maybe.” Akutagawa sighed, and this time it sent shivers down Atsushi’s spine when he felt it. “I don’t know, maybe it’s from the orphanage? Something hurt every day so I had to get used to it, or maybe it’s just because I can heal pretty fast?” He shook his head, and Akutagawa didn’t move at all when a lock of his white hair landed on his nose. “But honestly, it’s probably kind of like when Kyouka-chan does it. Yeah, yours hurt more, but it’s not that serious. At least I don’t think it is.” He added the last part in hopes Akutagawa didn’t feel the need to show him just how serious he was.

“You’re wrong.”

“Shit, are you saying Kyouka-chan wants to kill me, too?”

The headlock suddenly returned, more vicious than before, and Atsushi stumbled, almost falling over the railing.

“Stop, I’m carrying you, you ungrateful piece of cloth!”

“Why are you laughing!?”

“You’re laughing too, asshole!”

The white-haired boy held tightly onto the railing, trying to repress his laughter while Akutagawa did the same, covering it up with his coughs. Luckily, he was well-behaved and needed a hand for that, and that’s when Atsushi grabbed his other hand, freeing his throat.

“Oh, no you don’t.”

An inappropriate use of Rashomon ensued, which made Atsushi stumble and fall, while Akutagawa elegantly jumped of off him.

He landed a few meters behind him, but his elegance was disrupted when he put his full weight on his right foot. His smirk was instantly wiped out; he yelled out and wobbled on his feet, about to fall to the ground. Rashomon sprung out, but she looked weak and patchy, and only succeeded in slowing his fall.

“Akutagawa!”

Akutagawa slowly opened his eyes, wincing.

A very angry looking Atsushi was staring down at him.

“You feel bad, you tell me, remember? You act stupid when you feel bad, I come save you and kill you, remember that addition?”

Akutagawa looked embarrassed. Maybe because he forgot about the deal he himself proposed or because Atsushi was really close, holding him upright with his tiger hands.

Anyways, he nodded.

The weretiger sighed, looking a bit guilty for yelling at him.

“See, this is what happens when you spy on people,” he said in a voice of a kindergarten teacher.

His grey eyes turned into a storm, and Atsushi tried not to drop his suddenly taut body.

“Jinko. If you don’t stop that nonsense this very second, I kill you.”

Atsushi turned around, hiding his smile and gesturing him to get back on his back.

He reluctantly did it, probably thinking this was the end of it.

“You totally peeped.”

“Nakajima Atsushi, I swear to fucking—”

“Did you enjoy it? Seemed like you did, since you fell and all.”

Akutagawa groaned, hitting his head into Atsushi’s, which of course only made him laugh louder.

“Shut up, you fucking masochist.” The younger man giggled at that. “Stop that sound this instant! It’s your fault anyway, you made us fall into that mud trap!”

“And then I found us a perfectly nice hot spring to clean up at,” he said as innocently as he could.

“Oh, don’t flatter yourself, I heard it from a kilometer away, too!”

“And I waited patiently behind a rock while it was your turn, I didn’t spy on you like you spied on m—”

“I forgot my coat, okay! And I didn’t expect you to be fully fucking naked, who does that in the middle of the woods!? Animal!”

“Like I said, I didn’t look at you, so how would I know how you do it? Plus, I’m just a tiger, while you get called a dog and a dragon, so you’re leading on the animal front.”

He wasn’t sure about Akutagawa, but Atsushi was enjoying the teasing very much. He knew perfectly well why his partner didn’t like to take off his clothes and didn’t care one bit he saw him naked; they should’ve just done it together in the first place, so Atsushi could keep him safe while he was vulnerable.

It was also very silly of him to forget his greatest treasure, his coat he used for Rashomon. There was barely anything to shield him from the fall. It was all very weird, if he thought about it. How on earth would he forget it? Not only was the coat his foundation for his ability, but it also kept him warm.

Hm.

“You say one more thing about what happened at the hot spring, and I swear we’ll test just how high your pain tolerance really is,” Akutagawa made the threat Atsushi has been expecting him to make since the beginning.

“Oh, yeah? Rashomon’s looking pretty rough right now, you sure she can deliver?”

“I have other means to make you suffer, jinko.”

“Yeah yeah, just put me back into the headlock, I can take it.”

“That’s it.”

“Yeah, that’s—!”

Atsushi was not proud of the sound he made when Akutagawa delivered. He was also right about not needing Rashomon to make him suffer; his teeth did the job just fine.

He sank them into the exact same spot he bit him at back when he was a vampire. They were luckily a lot less sharp, but this time around he had the element of surprise on his side.

The thing was, Atsushi’s cry wasn’t exactly … pain per se? It was more like … he … kind of … not liked it, but … well …

“Mhmmnm!”

When a trickle of blood started to flow towards Atsushi’s shirt, Akutagawa finally stopped, separating his teeth from his flesh, and Atsushi would’ve given everything to see his face in that moment, the blood between his teeth, the redness of his lips on his pale face—

“You will now take us to the nearest hotel so I can finally get some sleep without all the animalistic noises around me. While I sleep, you call the driver and write a report on my behalf for Chuuya to read, also let him and Dazai-san know where the fuck we are when you find that out. And you will stop teasing me for the remainder of this mission. Is that clear, Nakajima?”

Atsushi looked like he couldn’t remember his name.

“Mhm,” was all he could muster, secretly hoping the bite mark wouldn’t fade away as quickly as the others. Could he have a say in it? Tell his body no, this one is special, this one is from—

“No. I want a yes. Was that a yes, Nakajima?”

“Y-Yes.”

“Good. Now hurry the fuck up.”

He poked his ribs like he was his horse, and in that moment, Atsushi felt like he would do anything for his moody, violent and beautiful partner.

He picked up the pace, night vision on. He had a hotel to find.

Chapter Text

Atsushi was waiting for the scolding that just kept not happening. Minutes before Akutagawa shoved his credit card into his hands, demanding he takes care of everything, so he booked a room without any additional questions from his or the receptionists’ part while his angry partner was sitting on a couch, resting his poor ankle. They then went up to their room.

He forgot to ask for two beds.

Honestly, there was a moment while he was standing at the reception desk when he actually did remember this. But. They have shared the same tent for two nights in a row. Would it be so bad if the receptionist assumed …

The receptionist did indeed assume.

Akutagawa beelined slash limped for the bathroom, so he couldn’t really tell if he’s noticed or not. But then he came back (damp hair with droplets of water falling on his flushed skin from the hot shower) and sat on the bed Atsushi was currently resting on.

Was he just not going to say anything?

A part of him was hoping for some reaction … even though he had to promise he wouldn’t tease anymore.

“Move. I want this side.”

Oh. Oh.

Atsushi rolled so fast he almost fell to the pavement.

“Want me to go grab something to eat?” he asked a little out of breath, holding tight to the edge of the bed.

Akutagawa dabbed at his hair with a towel, thinking.

“Just get me some tea.”

“Okay. And what would you want to eat?”

“I said tea.”

“You usually eat tea for dinner?” He was playing it off as a joke, but honestly, he was kind of worried now. He barely ate these couple of days, but Atsushi wrote that off to the different environment. Did he always eat like a bird? He was even hurt now; he needed the energy!

Akutagawa ignored him and returned to the bathroom.

“I’m taking your card!”

He didn’t hear any protest, so he took his coat and left.

They didn’t have Akutagawa’s favored coffee shop in the small town they’ve found themselves at, but he hoped he got the next best thing. He also added an extra bowl of chazuke to his order just in case; it had tea in it, so … maybe?

When he exited the coffee shop with his bags of food, he took a moment to relax, looking up at the night sky. But instead of relaxing, he just got more anxious.

Because fuck. He was really worried about Akutagawa.

Why the fuck didn’t he eat?

When he came back to the hotel room, he was greeted by a very groggy, and honestly scary looking mafioso who just got woken up. If he didn’t look so damn cute Atsushi would definitely run for his life. He was wearing the same oversized grey sweater he wore for the past two days, but this time he wasn’t wearing his black coat over it, so … cuteness unlocked. Also, bonus for the glasses.

Shit, was he staring?

“Did you get the tea?”

“Y-Yeah, and some food, if you feel like it.” He also stopped by the pharmacy to get something for his ankle, but it was closed.

Atsushi felt like he was watching a toddler. Akutagawa took the chopsticks in his hands, mixed the ingredients in the bowl together, and then spent the next five minutes just looking at the steaming bowl. He picked up a piece of salmon, smelled it, put it back in the tea, picked up a single sesame seed and chewed on it for like a minute. He then mixed the bowl some more, looking at it as if he was afraid of it. Atsushi ate both of his bowls by the time Akutagawa literally took just one bite.

“Want me to get something else? They have a convenience store nearby; I can be back in a minute.” Just say the word and I’ll do it. It had to be because he was hurt, he would do anything for powerless people, apparently. Right?

Akutagawa put the chopsticks down, not meeting his gaze.

The weretiger felt something growling inside him. Something unpleasant.

“I’m just not hungry. Forget about it.” Atsushi looked like he was about to say something, but Akutagawa was quicker. “Thank you for the meal.”

He had nothing to say after that; he was too busy looking anywhere that wasn’t his partner, hiding his blush.

Has he ever thanked him for anything before?

Or was it just evasion?

While he was malfunctioning, Akutagawa took the opportunity to roll on his side, and closed his eyes.

“Turn the lights off, will you.”

Atsushi sighed, defeated. It’d be weird to start the conversation now again, right?

He closed the lights, looking over at Akutagawa’s figure he still clearly saw in the dark.

“I’ll just take a quick show—”

“Good night, Nakajima.”

He finally took the hint and closed the bathroom door. He even kept the lights off so he wouldn’t bother his sleeping partner when he opened the door again. He felt like doing stuff similar to that for him lately, not just since he got hurt, and anything really; he didn’t seem mad about him being nice anymore, so he just kept doing it. He’d buy him the whole convenience store if he told him to (with his money, but whatever, it’s the thought that counts). He just wanted to see him happy.

And healthy. What the fuck was that thing with the chazuke about? And did it have anything to do with Rashomon looking patchy and weird like that?

He let the warm water wash his worries away. He had to tread carefully when around his partner; they were in this weird limbo between enemies and colleagues, and he really shouldn’t do anything too drastic to challenge that. If he wanted to tell him, he’d tell him.

He just hoped he’d start eating sooner than later.

How can people not eat?

Both him and his tiger were very confused by that.

Atsushi dried his hair without the help of the noisy hairdryer, hoping the towel did enough so he wouldn’t wake up looking like a ragdoll in the morning (he did) and slowly opened the door.

He tiptoed to his side of the bed (what a weird thought, right?) and quietly snuck under the covers, making sure he was pressing on the mattress as little as he could.

Laying on his back and slowly letting his breath out, he thanked his tiger for the stealth.

Sleep sucked him in like quicksand, not even letting him reflect on the events of the day.

And then he got sucked right out, startled by a sudden movement.

“Hm? What?”

Oh shit. Did he think he was falling? Did he dream that he was falling and shook the whole damn bed in the process!?

He listened to Akutagawa’s breathing, terrified by the fact he was now very much awake.

They were past the stabbing phase, hopefully.

“I said everything tastes like cardboard.”

Oh. Oh, did he move the bed?

“W-What do you mean? Want me to—”

“It’s because of the vampiric curse. Gin, my sister, had it too, but it only lasted for a few weeks, she is completely fine now. To me, everything still tastes like dry cardboard or wet cardboard and it’s making it hard to want to eat.”

Atsushi turned around and stared at his profile. He was being completely serious. Uncharacteristically so.

“That is horrible, Akutagawa. I’m so sorry.”

“I’m still waiting for it to pass. It has to pass.”

Was it just the moonlight or did his eyes look a little glossy? Atsushi held back the urge to hold the man, stroke his hair, tell him everything was going to be alright. Instead, he went into fixer mode.

“But you have to eat. It doesn’t hurt you, the normal food I mean, right?”

“No. They say it’s safe.”

“Then why don’t you just use a mixer? Just mush everything together, then gulp it down?”

Akutagawa turned to him, unseeing eyes throwing daggers at him in the dark.

Right. Kyouka told him there was a difference between wanting someone to listen and someone to help.

“Um. Sorry.”

They laid there for a few moments, both lying on their sides, looking at the silhouettes of each other. Atsushi couldn’t stop thinking about how soft Akutagawa looked; was it because of the dark? No, he’s seen him in the dark sleeping before (not in a creepy way, okay) and he did not look as beautiful as he did now.

Was it because he was weak?

“That is so evil. Not able to taste food,” he mumbled more to himself than his partner, and that earned a huff from the man laying next to him.

“It does sound like your worst nightmare, Mr. Ate My Dinner.”

“Hey! You weren’t going to!”

The corners of his lips once again turned up and Atsushi could feel his heartrate picking up. So soft. He wanted to touch his face so badly it wasn’t even funny anymore.

“Wait. What about blood?”

Akutagawa stopped smiling.

And he couldn’t tell for sure, but didn’t his cheeks turn a shade darker?

“I can still taste the blood.”

“Oh.” And a moment later. “Oh.”

He was two shades darker now.

“So, when you bit me …”

“It doesn’t taste good anymore, okay. I didn’t do it because of that, you were being a complete menace and deserved it. But … sometimes it’s still nice. To taste. Anything.”

He partially hid his face into his pillow, locks of dark and silver hair obscuring his face. Atsushi wanted to move the hair and tuck it behind his ear and lean closer and …

“Want to taste it again?”

Akutagawa opened his eye, and Atsushi felt the need to elaborate.

“I don’t mind.”

The older man slowly turned to face him completely. He had this weird look on his face, pure disbelief mixed with something … else.

“You’d feed this sickness?”

What a weird way to put it.

“Uh, yeah, sure. I want to help, Akutagawa.”

“I broke our rule. To tell you when I feel bad.”

“Why does it matter now? I just want to help you stay alive, silly.”

It must’ve been the late hour; Akutagawa was spilling secrets and Atsushi was spewing nonsense. It couldn’t be helped.

And then his eyes flickered towards his neck. Was he positive it didn’t taste good anymore? Because he looked hungry.

“I really don’t mind. Take it.” He bit his tongue before he could say something stupid like take everything.

Akutagawa then moved closer, and Atsushi’s heart forgot it was supposed to beat.

He took a sharp breath, and then his once enemy was so close to his neck, he was convinced he could hear the blood pumping in his veins. But he wasn’t embarrassed about it; maybe it made Akutagawa feel good, being surrounded by blood, the only thing that could make him happy in that moment.

The feeling of his breath on his neck … he could never get tired of it.

Was it really necessary to touch the spot with his lips before biting down? Could it count as a kiss?

It didn’t even hurt this time around. I mean, he did break skin and bit down hard, but Atsushi was too preoccupied with his sucking lips and swirling tongue to be fazed by that.

It was over too soon, he decided. He must’ve barely taken a sip out him, and he was going to protest, but then …

Akutagawa looked at the bitemark he had made, studying it in the dark. He then suddenly leaned in again and cleaned the oozing blood in a long, agonizingly slow lick of his tongue.

Atsushi once again made a sound he wasn’t supposed to, and he bit his fingers hard, hoping to hush another moan that was building in his chest. Luckily, Akutagawa seemed too distracted to notice.

He pulled back, visibly struggling to do so.

They laid opposite of each other once again, staring at one another. The corner of Akutagawa’s lips still had some blood in it, and his tongue soon started to clean up the leftover.

Why was Atsushi feeling so hot? And why was the heat going directly to his—

Were they supposed to address anything?

“Hey. What’s the first thing you’ll want to eat when your taste comes back?”

He was genuinely curious and just a little bit desperate to cover up the distress he’s caused to a certain lower part of his body.

Akutagawa closed his eyes, looking sleepy.

“Figs. Some figs would be nice.”

He kept looking at his face until his breathing slowed down and Akutagawa fell asleep. It was supposed to scare him how much he was prepared to do for him at this point, but all he could think about how nice and full and warm his chest felt.

Atsushi moved and inch closer and closed his eyes too.

He sincerely hoped Dazai-san would never find out about this one.

Chapter Text

“We infiltrate through the staff entrance; the uniforms can be found at this location.” Dazai pointed at a little square, part of a blueprint of a giant cruise ship. “If you happen to run into someone, just say you’re new and a student, they’ve been firing the staff a lot lately, so it makes sense to use cheap labor instead.” He was still facing the blueprint when he made a short pause, marker in hand faltering. “Atsushi-kun, are you okay?”

The younger male was burning a hole through the back of his mentor’s head this entire time; even when he called him out without even looking at him, he just huffed, crossing his arms and continued to glare.

“I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be okay.”

Dazai sighed and turned towards Chuuya, who was also throwing imaginary daggers at him, but probably not for the same reasons.

“I swear we get along just fine usually; I just can’t figure out what’s with him today! Do you have similar problems with your pupil?”

“What? Don’t drag me into your mess, you mackerel! But if you really have to know, we get along spectacular, we are professionals after all.”

Atsushi huffed again and both Dazai and Chuuya looked at him, surprised. He was usually so good with authority!

“Anything to add, Atsushi-kun?”

“No.”

Dazai was the first one to look away; he even slightly flinched when faced with the weretigers cold and hard stare.

“Anyway. Shall we get on with it? My pupil and I have somewhere to be, you know.”

Akutagawa didn’t meet Chuuya’s gaze or responded to his plea to show them they are better at communication that the ADA pair. Actually, he’s been rather unresponsive this entire meeting, just looking at the floor, face emotionless. Atsushi has been standing not exactly in front of him, but he still positioned his body in the front, so it almost looked like he was trying to protect Akutagawa in some way.

Dazai suddenly looked a little … guilty.

“I am very sorry, my esteemed guests, will you please excuse us for a moment? Atsushi-kun and I have something to talk about, I’ll only take a minute.”

Chuuya rolled his eyes and plopped down next to Akutagawa who still hasn’t moved a muscle.

Dazai held the door for Atsushi, smiling at him, but the young man wouldn’t mirror it.

They left the big office which was currently completely empty; it was getting late, and they were the only ADA members there (the late hour was the consequence of the weird Port Mafia schedule; it was probably morning for them, and they’ve been trying to build a better connection lately, so long working hours for Atsushi it is).

Atsushi hit his back against the corridor wall, glaring at nothing in particular.

Dazai sighed once again.

“Okay. What is this about?”

Atsushi ran his hand though his hair, looking conflicted.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You’re making me look bad in front of our guest!” But he said it a way it was clear he didn’t actually care about him looking like a fool in front of them, because didn’t he always look like a fool to everyone? And on some level enjoyed it?

“You don’t give a shit about both of them.” Dazai’s eyes widened, surprised by the disrespect he has never before received from his obedient youngling.

He leaned against the opposite wall of Atsushi and tilted his head.

“My, my, what did Akutagawa tell you?”

Atsushi stiffened.

“I don’t want to talk right now. Can’t we just go back and get it over with.”

But Dazai crossed his arms, looking determined to talk about it this very second.

“Did he tell you about my training?”

“You call that training?” Poison was dripping from Atushi’s words, laced with such contempt Dazai could not stop looking surprised. Atsushi realized he’s overstepped, looking a little guilty now, too. “Look, I really don’t want to talk to you right now. I just … I just got this information, and I don’t know how to … can I just go?”

Dazai was giving him an expression he has never seen before, and it was scaring him.

“You can’t deny the results. He is a formidable opponent. I realize I haven’t been …”

His words trailed off as he was faced with Atsushi’s golden eyes, transformed from the mental strain it took him to hold back from jumping on his mentor.

“Don’t you get it?” He was talking quietly, but crystal clearly and it felt like the whole city was listening to him. “You are to him what the headmaster is to me.” He then separated from the wall, walking towards Dazai who on instinct tried to push into the wall, as if he forgot he could annul Atsushi’s ability before anything could happen. “I can’t look at you right now.”

And he couldn’t look at him, too.

Atsushi then left, leaving him and the Port Mafia members behind. He couldn’t trust himself right now; everything was too fresh to handle properly.

*

He was walking or slowly running away from the office, away from everything. His heart was beating fast, he was angry and sad and … just disheveled in every sense of the word. He just told his mentor off, but he was pushing him, he asked him to stop, not enough time has passed, and he couldn’t process … fuck, he hated him right now. Knowing what he did to Akutagawa … knowing it was just the tip of the iceberg … fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Everything in him was boiling so he happily accepted the rain that just started drizzling.

He stopped in the middle of the road, letting it seep into his clothes.

He couldn’t stop thinking of the face Akutagawa made when he responded the way he did to his mentor being an abuser in the past. It was … first he must’ve thought he was crazy, but then he saw doubt. He knew that doubt so well; but didn’t I do something wrong, too? Didn’t I participate?

It was a sick, twisted way to keep himself quiet. But didn’t I deserve it? It worked out, right?

But it didn’t work out. They just survived.

There were a million different ways to survive.

It didn’t have to be abuse.

That sense of destiny, the feeling it had to happen, his obsession with purpose … it was all fake. It could literally be anything. It could’ve been fucking figure skating if Dazai weren’t there.

The drizzle then turned into something more, so Atsushi pivoted into an alleyway, finding an overhang to wait it out under.

He closed his eyes, focused on breathing.

Akutagawa looked so vulnerable. He imagined himself transforming fully into the tiger, grabbing him by his collar with his mouth and then getting him somewhere safe, where he could keep him warm and comfortable and …

“You’re wrong.”

“Fuck!” Atsushi jumped, back hitting the brick wall. “I didn’t hear you coming.”

Akutagawa was standing a few meters away from him, still facing the floor.

“You’re wrong, Nakajima,” he repeated like he was running out of patience.

“About what?” he asked carefully, noticing his shaking shoulders. Was he that mad at him?

“You’re just wrong.” Something in his voice gave him pause. The way it quivered and then quickly hardened again. He was completely soaked with his head inclined, so he couldn’t really tell, but …

“You’re going to catch a cold. Get under here, come on.”

He motioned with his hand for him to come closer, but Akutagawa still didn’t move.

“We’re not the same.”

Oh, no. Did he overhear them? They were talking so quietly …

“I know. I don’t think we’re the same. I’m sorry. Can you get under here, please? You’re all soaked.”

He thought about simply dragging him under the overhang, but he didn’t look too trusting in Atsushi right now; he better tread carefully.

“It wasn’t the same.”

After that, there was no doubt about it; Akutagawa was about to break down.

Atsushi felt like something violently tugged at his heart, trying to wedge it out of his body.

But he decided it was better to stay quiet for now.

“It wasn’t. It wasn’t the same.”

But it was similar, Atsushi wanted to add, but knew it wouldn’t do anything to make him feel better.

He finally looked up and Atsushi’s gasp got drowned out by the downpour.

Despite being soaked, he could clearly see he was crying, his features contorted in a way he has never seen on his beautiful face before. He has seen him cry from pain, but that was different. Because he was wrong; he was not angry at all at this moment. He was in disbelief.

He then turned around, and Atsushi felt it would rip his chest open if he didn’t to anything to hold him back.

“Wait!”

He stopped a few centimeters before touching him, old instinct kicking in. He still reached out with his hand, tentatively hovering it over his shoulder. He barely felt the rain beating down on him.

“I’m sorry. For making you feel this way. I’m sorry, okay? Can we …”

At first, he thought he fainted, because suddenly he was in his arms. But then he realized it wasn’t like holding dead-weight; Akutagawa has simply taken a step back and leaned into Atsushi.

After the initial surprise he quickly hugged him as tightly as he could, his right hand squeezing his and his left held over his stomach. He also buried his face into the crook of his neck, hoping this was enough to tell him he was there, he was going to stay there, to help him through anything at anytime in any weather.

He could hear him whimper and feel him shake, and his heart felt full knowing he chose him to live through this with.  

Chapter Text

When Yosano-san agreed to accompany him to go shopping, he half-expected it would just turn into a regular shopping spree of hers where he’ll carry all her stuff, and maybe they’ll get him a new tie or something on the way (he’d still be happy; she had great taste in clothes). Perhaps a bite to eat if she wouldn’t stay until closing hours again.

But around four o’clock she burst into the office with fire in her eyes and pointed aggressively at a scared Atsushi, exclaiming:

“Mission Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon commencing!”

The whole office stared behind them, perplexed. Only Kyouka and Dazai seemed like they knew this was going to happen, with the latter proudly announcing it was him who came up with the name (and then refused to elaborate further).

“First, we’ll go to the Red Brick Warehouse, I haven’t been in a while. They have this great vintage shop with lots of pieces I think will suit you, you already have the grunge haircut so why not match that. Then we move to Mark Is for shoes and accessories, we could stop at Queen’s Square you mentioned but honestly, I think that is above your paycheck; we could still eat there, though. And finally, we finish on Motomachi so we are closer to the dorms, we will most definitely find clothes for you there if everything else falls through. How does that sound?” Atsushi opened his mouth to voice his concerns about the time (and energy) they had, but she was faster. “Great! No time to lose! Let’s go!”

When Atsushi walked back into ADA dorms around eleven o’clock that evening, he collapsed at his doorstep before he could even manage unlocking the door and just laid there for some time, focusing on breathing. He only opened his eyes when something sharp nudged him in the ribs.

“Akutagawa?”

“No. It’s Kyouka.”

Atsushi sprung up, thoroughly embarrassed, accidentally toppling the packages with his brand-new clothes, laughing nervously.

“Kyouka-chan! Why are you still up?”

Her expression didn’t change; she looked as serious as always.

“It’s Friday.”

Well, at least he didn’t fall asleep and woke up on Saturday.

“Right.” He awkwardly stood there, unsure how to procced; it’s been happening frequently since Kyouka’s moved out. It was like he forgot how to talk to her, since the whole oh-god-you’re-not-related debate happened.

Kyouka just kept standing there, looking at him like she was … waiting?

“Um.” Perfect response, well done, Atsushi.

A painful minute passed, and Atsushi ran his hand through his hair, surprised by how soft it felt.

“It suits you.”

It took him a second to realize she was talking about his hair; that’s right, Yosano-san caught him staring at a poster of a j-pop idol in the mall, and since she questioned him about having a crush, he was forced to come forward to tell her that no, he just really liked his pink hair. One compulsive choice and some temporary dye later, his hair was a lovely soft pink color.

He still refused to cut it, though.

His almost sister then stopped waiting for a better response and turned around, walking towards Yosano’s room, and Atsushi realized he’s screwed up.

“Kyouka-chan, wait.” She turned around, and now he was able to tell she wasn’t looking neutral anymore, but hopeful? “Help me carry the bags inside?”

She nodded and quickly reached for as many bags as she could and followed him into the kitchen.

When she sat on her usual spot and quietly demanded some tea (in her usual bunny mug she’s left behind), he realized just how bad he’s missed her these couple of months. Of course they hung out all the time and she still knew everything that was going on with him, but they haven’t been alone behind closed doors at all in that time.

He remembered just how safe she made him feel.

Kyouka felt like home.

“Can I see the outfit?” she asked while she sipped her night tea, curious eyes observing the colorful wrappings.

“Uh, we got a few, actually, help me choose?”

She gave him a big smile and he mirrored it with an even bigger one.

One montage later, they’ve put together the winner outfit; an oversized dark blue hooded sweater with intentionally torn seams that exposed his belly if he stretched even a little bit. They paired that with baggy high-waisted black trousers with many pockets of which only two of them opened (but they still looked cool with their silver buttons), and some white platform boots that Atsushi was not entirely sure about, but they did make his ass look very good.

“You look like an idol,” Kyouka commented, and he blushed. Because was there a higher praise?

She then tilted her head, thinking.

“Maybe some make-up.”

Atsushi blushed even deeper; he was thinking the exact same thing but was too self-conscious to actually say it.

“N-No, I don’t want to overdo it … I’m afraid it’ll be awkward enough as it is, you know.”

To his dismay, she nodded.

“Did you get him a gift?”

So many tough questions!

“Y-Yeah. I did.” He looked to the side, begging his cheeks to stop burning.

“So, are you friends now?”

Without awaiting his permission, his brain replayed the memory of his once enemy gently biting down on his neck while his body throbbed with pleasure, and he choked on air.

After taking a calming sip tea and a few deep breaths he found Kyouka still watching him expectantly.

“Well. I don’t know.” It was the truth. What the fuck were they? “I don’t think so. We do get along better, with less fighting lately, but I think he invited me more as a sign of goodwill … that’s why Yosano-san went shopping with me; it was her job to not let me look bad in front of the Port Mafia … at least that’s what Dazai-san said.”

Kyouka stared at him blankly.

“The Akutagawa I knew wouldn’t invite you. And he also wouldn’t celebrate his birthday.”

Atsushi laughed, but it sounded a little sad. He also looked a little uncomfortable.

“Yeah. Because maybe there’s no party, you know. Maybe it’s just a prank … from the Port Mafia’s or Dazai-san’s side, I don’t know.”

His enthusiasm over his brand-new outfit seemed to have suddenly died down; he looked worried now, his shaking hands giving away the fact he has been thinking about this, probably a lot.

He leaned on the counter, looking distraught.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that. The Akutagawa I knew wouldn’t do that, but the one you know did. How did that happen?”

Atsushi went back to looking uncomfortable.

“I don’t know what happened. A lot?”

“No.” She shook her head like she was the older one lecturing the youngling. “How did he invite you?”

“Oh. Uh. He … it was …”

He closed his eyes, taking a moment to himself.

He was sitting at the pier, watching the sun set over the Yokohama skyscrapers. It was a rough day; it started with the apparition of his headmaster and ended with him being chased by a powerful ability user throughout the center of the city; his bloodied face even made the news! It was horrible through and through and he wished nothing more than to run away, feel safe, at peace, alone.

That’s how Akutagawa found him; hugging his knees and staring into the horizon as if it held the answer to all his problems. He coughed to make himself known even though Atsushi recognized his footsteps from a kilometer away.

“Nakajima.”

It almost didn’t make him feel better that he hasn’t called him ‘jinko’ in months.

(Almost. It was still very nice.)

“Where are my flowers.”

Atsushi was so surprised he let out a laugh that died away half-way through. Was that a joke? Or was he kind of serious? He sounded kind of serious.

“I’ll … I’ll get them next time.”

He didn’t say anything at that!? Was he silently agreeing? What the …

Atsushi avoided looking at his face. Even though it was like a mask most of the time, he was still afraid of what he might see; unsure of which result would make him feel worse, he decided to just ignore it for the time being.

He stood on his right for a few minutes, the sun only moments away from touching the sea.

“I saw you on the news.”

Atsushi closed his eyes, preparing for the worse. He wished so bad Akutagawa could give him something … something he wasn’t even sure he deserved or wanted.

No, he wanted it. He just couldn’t get out of his head. Even though he literally saved the city, he still felt so fucking unworthy.

Fuck, he couldn’t take it. He won’t be able to hold it back if Akutagawa decided to berate him again.

“Listen, can we not—”

“You saw the headmaster.”

His words got caught in his throat.

“Your eyes are strangely glossy if that happens. I can tell.”

He then sat next to him and stayed quiet while Atsushi stopped holding himself back. The tears he was trying to prevent found another reason to be released, and there was nothing he could do to stop them.

It was a shit day. But … it didn’t mean it would be any better if he wasn’t there.

That’s the message he was getting from the dark man sitting so close to him, after all.

The sun was long gone when Atsushi’s tears finally stopped.

And he was still sitting there.

“Hey, Akuta—”

“Gin decided we should start celebrating again. My birth. My birthday. She thinks it’ll be good for us. Since I was un-alived and all. Next Saturday.”

He then stood up and Atsushi fought the urge to pull him back down.

Akutagawa put his hands in his pockets, looking like the violent statue that he always did, as he purposefully walked away from the slightly confused weretiger.

But then he faltered, looking back.

It was dark and Atsushi’s vision was drained of color.

But there was no other word that could better describe that look as sincere.

“Yes, this is what I meant.”

Kyouka’s voice pulled him back into his dorm. He shook his head, dispersing the thoughts that made his stomach flutter in a not entirely unpleasant way.

“Sorry, what did you say?”

“That we should really try the make-up. Just for fun.”

He huffed and ran his hand through his fluffy hair again, wondering what Akutagawa would think when he saw him.

“Okay. Just this once.”

Chapter Text

The car skidded to a halt, lurching violently a centimeter before a concrete wall.

“Here we are, Atsushi-kun! Have fun!”

Atsushi looked torn between passing out and throwing up.  

“Who. The fuck. Gave you your driver’s license.”

Dazai gave him a big smile while Atsushi closed his eyes and started taking deep breaths.

“I honestly don’t even remember if I have one.” Atsushi decided against asking about that further. “Anyway, see that abandoned-looking building on the right? That’s the place!”

“Just … give me a second, okay?”

Dazai dabbed his fingers on the steering wheel, humming the tune of his suicide song while Atsushi focused on breathing.

After a minute, he no longer looked sick, at least not car sick; he was still a little pale, though.

“Not that I have somewhere to be, but … you know you have to get out at some point, right?”

Atushi glanced at the clock. He was terrified of being early, and right now he was fashionably late (courtesy of Dazai missing their exit twice). It was a good time to arrive.

Then why was he still sitting there?

“Yeah. Yeah, I can do this.”

He didn’t move.

“You know, Kyouka-chan gave me an earful before we left. She said you were afraid it was a prank. Let me put those fears to rest; I am definitely not planning anything, and I am almost certain the Port Mafia is also not planning anything. Happy?”

Atsushi let out a noise that could be interpreted as tormented rather than happy.

Dazai then reached into his inner pocket, bringing out his flask. He gulped down a generous sip (yes, he still had to drive back) and then passed it to Atsushi.

“To take the edge off.”

“You know I’m a minor, right,” he said dejectedly, taking a small sip anyway.

“Yeah, I don’t think they care about that in there.”

Atsushi checked the time again. He should get going. Any second now.

“You can call me at any time. For the ride or just to talk, you know? Oh, and when Chuuya does something stupid. I’d like photos and video evidence, if possible.”

Atsushi looked at him warily.

“Okay. Thanks, Dazai-san.”

The man has actively been trying to get Atsushi back on his good side, but he showed it in weird and convoluted ways, so Atsushi still couldn’t tell what was sincere and what not.

He was not accepting a free ride ever again, that’s for sure.

*

The abandoned movie theatre was turned into a “fun, totally almost legal underground Port Mafia owned nightclub, I’m so jealous you get to go, Atsushi-kun!”. It was definitely popular; as he set foot in the lobby, he saw a huge line of people waiting to get inside the theatre room, and instantly regretted not getting there on time. But before he could decide on anything, a scary looking man in black with a headpiece approached him.

“Nakajima Atsushi, please come with me.”

He really hoped he was getting the special treatment and not about to get shot. Instead of skipping the line, the man led him through a different entrance with stairs. At their top, a beautiful man smiled at him warmly while opening the doors for him.

“Welcome to Cinema Paradiso, Mr. Nakajima. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”

For a few moments he couldn’t decide on which sense he should focus first; the pleasant jazz music, the smell of liquor mixed with expensive perfume, the beautiful combination of old and new architecture. He was standing in the middle of a big balcony that almost circled the entire theatre, with tables and lounge chairs scattered all over it.

He stepped closer to the railing, looking down; on the stage there was the band, and underneath it the dancefloor with a comfortable seating area all around it, and the walls were covered with black-and-white photographs from famous movies. Everything was dark red, golden and black, and beautiful.

The weretiger had to remind himself why he was here. He turned around and the handsome man gestured to where he was expected.

Atsushi saw Akutagawa before he saw him; he was sitting in a huge armchair, one arm resting on its gilded handle, supporting his face with the other; he looked bored with the conversation. His grey eyes were greatly accentuated with a little black eyeliner (Atsushi cursed his cowardice by not letting Kyouka have his way with him in the end). He looked composed as always, a beautiful statue with slight murderous intent. He was wearing an expensive looking oversized black sweater Atsushi hasn’t seen him wear before, and tight black pants with patent black shoes.

He looked powerful, and at ease, like he owned the place.

The handsome man then leaned closer to him (Atsushi felt a pang somewhere in his stomach; did Akutagawa frequent this place a lot? Did he know the handsome man well?) and whispered something. The mafioso quickly raised his head, looking straight at Atsushi.

Atsushi could swear he felt the air shift; something changed in that moment, and he wanted to remember it forever, no matter what happened next.

He couldn’t hear him from this far, the room was too noisy, but he was sure he said his name in that moment.

And blushed.

Atsushi felt like he just won at something. Because Akutagawa suddenly didn’t look as composed anymore. And it was because of him.

Well, Kyouka did agree it was going to be awkward … but then why did he feel more confident than ever?

Even when the whole table of killers and other criminals turned to face the new arrival, Atsushi felt like they didn’t really matter. He purposefully strode towards them, eyes still locked on Akutagawa’s.

It was his friend’s birthday. And he was going to make him happy.

*

“… and that’s why Dazai sucks and why you should never, ever get into a car with him behind the wheel!”

Atsushi giggled at Chuuya’s emotional recounting of a past double-black mission, wishing he got the information before he did exactly that. The red head has been nursing the same glass of red wine for the past hour, but was somehow already very drunk, oversharing all over the place, mostly about Atsushi’s mentor.

“He’s coming back, cut it with the Dazai stories.”

Gin looked annoyed at both of them, even though Chuuya initiated the conversation. The man now quickly showed her his lips were sealed, throwing away the imaginary key, making Gin roll her eyes. Atsushi almost giggled at that too, but he got a feeling it was a bad idea; the younger Akutagawa wasn’t exactly rude to him, but he did get a kind off cold reception from her.

And Higuchi. But he already knew what her deal was, so, whatever. It wasn’t like he was interested in Akutagawa like that, so. All good.

“Akutagawa-senpai! You can sit here; we can share the …”

There was a moment of silence when Akutagawa sat on the love seat next to Atsushi, crossing his legs and putting on a look of annoyed boredom that made Atsushi’s heart skip a beat.

“Drinks! More drinks!”

God or gods bless Chuuya’s timing.

Both girls glared at Atsushi like he just forced their brother/boss to sit so close to him. At least Chuuya didn’t seem to care, while Tachihara looked oblivious to the whole situation; Atsushi had a feeling the man didn’t even recognize him yet.

“What’s it going to be, ladies and gentlemen?” Atsushi almost growled at the waiter; he was standing way to close to Akutagawa.

Maybe he understood better now where Gin and Higuchi were coming from.

“Shots! For everyone!”

“Not for you, Chuuya.”

“Damnit.”

Atsushi huffed, looking over at Akutagawa, finding him already looking at him.

“I like your hair.”

The weretiger gave him a big smile.

“Thanks. You look really good tonight, too.”

And then they both blushed, turning away from each other.

“I-I mean … you look … healthy? How is your … you know, how is your taste?”

“It’s still cardboard.” He took a sip of his cocktail, apparently liquids didn’t bother him as much? “But I did buy a mixer.”

Their eyes met again. And then they dissolved into laughter, surprising everyone with what was apparently an inside joke.

The evening derailed after a few rounds of shots, in which Chuuya definitely participated by stealing Tachihara’s glass (he was busy silently staring at Gin, because apparently, he didn’t know she was a girl this entire time). At first, they shared mission stories a lot, and both Gin and Higuchi seemed really interested in that part of the boys’ relationship; they giggled uncontrollably when he told them he had to carry Akutagawa on his back through majority of the day because of his foot injury. He left out the hot spring incident on his own but kept checking with Akutagawa if he was okay with him telling these stories; every time he locked eyes with him, he would give him a small smile, encouraging his storytelling.

And then Chuuya decided they should dance.

Everyone was fed up with him or used to his antics, so he pounced on the weakest link.

“Tiger-boy!”

Atsushi opened his mouth to try to protest, but then they were flying over the railing, landing in the middle of the dancefloor. The weretiger wobbled on his legs that protested the sudden movement; they were getting so comfortable with ‘accidentally’ touching Akutagawa’s knees, what the fuck was this!

And then he was spinning across the dancefloor that cleared for them immediately; a band member even waved at Chuuya, it was apparently a common occurrence at this place.

“Fuck, slow down, I’m drunk!”

“Weeeeee!”

After a couple of songs, the jazz gods finally heard his prayers and changed the tune, moving to something a bit slower and Atsushi could now catch his breath.

“You should really slow down. Dazai-san instructed me to tell him if you do something stupid, just so you know.”

He wasn’t entirely sure why he was telling him this, but after partying with the hat-loving man he felt a sort of camaraderie developing. Or maybe it was the alcohol.

Chuuya laughed out loud, not surprised at all by his mentors’ instructions.

“Did he now? Fucking control freak.”

Atsushi didn’t miss the underlying softness in those words. Or maybe it was the alcohol.

“Speaking of devils. You should ask Akutagawa to dance, he’s been looking at us, you know.”

“Everyone is looking at us,” Atsushi retaliated, but still dared a glance on the balcony; Akutagawa was leaning on the railing, head supported with his hand, definitely tracing their unpredictable movements with his eyes. “You think he’d say yes?”

Oh, he didn’t mean to ask that.

“You’ve been friends for what, a year now? Of course he would!”

Atsushi laughed, making the smaller man pout.

“We have not been enemies for about a few months now, and I think you could call us friends since today. We were mostly shouting and fighting each other before,” he explained, surprised by how proud he was to announce he thought Akutagawa was his friend.

“But isn’t that just like flirting?”

Atsushi legs gave up on him for a second, making him lean heavily on Chuuya. He stared into his eyes, dumbfounded.

“What?”

“What?”

“Did you say flirt—”

“I didn’t say that.”

Atsushi opened his mouth to inquire further into the statement, but then he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Okay, enough with this pathetic excuse for dancing; we’re here to save the night!”

Now everyone was there except for Akutagawa; he was still looking down on them and while he did look amused, Atsushi didn’t want him to be alone. He also hoped he could get to be alone with him for a few minutes for something he was both excited and scared to do.

He left the dance floor, waving at him, letting him know he was coming.

Akutagawa smiled at him, and he wished he could just climb the balcony instead of taking the longer route.

While he was climbing the stairs, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, but decided to ignore it. He had more important things to do right now; like giving a birthday gift to his friend.

*

There was this prolonged moment of awkwardness when he was walking towards Akutagawa; he still had about ten meters to reach him, but they’ve already locked eyes so now it would be weird either way – whether they looked away or kept staring; they did a combination, resulting in the longest walk Atsushi ever had to endure.

Akutagawa moved to the farthest part of the balcony where he had a great view of the dancefloor, and they were also relatively alone there.

Perfect.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“You don’t want to dance?”

“Are you asking me?”

“Maybe.”

Akutagawa huffed, looking back down.

“I prefer to observe you make fools of yourselves.”

Atsushi smiled at him, resting his hands on the railing too.

“Anything for the birthday boy.” He then reached into his pocket, grabbing something from it. “Um, you don’t have to like it, it’s fine, I just … the tiger kind of forced me to buy it, to be honest. N-Not that I didn’t want to get it, I did, it’s nice, I think, but he was … adamant. Um.”

Akutagawa kept looking at his blushing profile, looking amused.

“Your tiger picked my gift? Really?”

“He talks every now and then. It’s not very clear, but if he feels strongly about something, he lets me know.” He took a deep breath, turning towards Akutagawa. “You really don’t have to wear it. It was just … a thought.” He gave him another big smile, opening his hand. “Happy birthday, Akutagawa.”

He let the silver necklace fall through his fingers, catching it a second later so he could clearly see the swinging pendant with the kanji; it said 虎, tiger.

“He actually really wanted this other one that had an actual tiger on it, but it was … gaudy. He has no fashion sense. I had to convince him this one was better, since he can’t read.” He was rambling, right? “Anyway. We want to keep you safe. I-I want you safe. I was going for something like that. I think.”

Fucking hell stop talking.

Akutagawa kept looking at the silver pendant while Atsushi tried his best to read his expression.

It was so blank he was getting worried.

“Can you put it on?”

He turned around and moved his hair a bit. Atsushi carefully put the necklace on, feeling his breath on his fingers while placing it at the front and his silky hair at the back; after a few attempts (his shaking hands were getting in the way) he finally managed to clasp it. He couldn’t help running his hands over his shoulders, telling him it was done.

Akutagawa turned around, looking the way Atsushi liked him best; shy.

“Thank you.”

Atsushi opened his mouth to say something but fell short.

What was there even to add?

And then his fucking phone ringed again, making them both jump.

“Sorry, someone’s been bothering me all evening, just let me check …” Dazai. Sigh. “Nothing important.”

Akutagawa gave him a Look.

“It’s him, right?”

Atsushi ran his hand through his hair, something he should stop doing because he’s put gel in it.

“Yeah. How did you …”

“Everyone talks about him all the time. Chuuya’s the worst at it. There’s always this beat of silence when I get nearby.” He looked back to the dancefloor, gently touching his new necklace. “It’s like everything revolves around him.”

There was this … not exactly sadness, but passiveness in his voice. Like he gave up to ever be … something not defined by that man.

Even though it hurt him to think that, Atsushi also felt there wasn’t much to add. It was true, to an extent; Dazai was a very important figure, someone powerful and charismatic and he had his way with people, both in a good and bad way. There were always people like that, main characters that lead the people with minor roles through hoops.

Akutagawa was a protagonist (maybe antagonist, but whatever) in his eyes, but could it matter if he said it?

If only there was a way to knock that man off his throne … so they could sit on it, sharing it for just a moment.

They both solemnly stared at the dancefloor, busy with their thoughts.

Atsushi spotted Chuuya, dancing wildly with another man. He seemed to really enjoy it, and the other man was getting touchy with him. After a clear flirtatious advance, Chuuya grabbed Gin’s hand and started dancing with the girls, leaving the man behind.

And then something in his brain clicked.

I know shouting and insulting is not your style at all … But isn’t that just like flirting? … when Chuuya does something stupid. I’d like photos and video evidence, if possible. Fucking control freak.

It was greatly enhanced by the alcohol, but Atsushi felt like he just cracked the code.

“Hey.” Akutagawa looked at him, eyes a little glossy. “Want to prank Dazai-san?”

Chapter Text

Akutagawa stared at him, eyes suddenly clear.

“What?”

“Want to knock Dazai-san down a peg? I think I have an idea.”

Akutagawa kept staring.

“I don’t think that’s possible. There’s no way to fool him.” Atsushi was grateful he didn’t outright decline; he actually sounded rather interested. “He’s Dazai. No one could one up him.”

“I know. But I still think it could work.” He lifted his phone, which pinged with another message. “Want to try?”

Akutagawa huffed, disbelieving.

“You don’t have to—”

“Okay.”

Atsushi was taken aback by the determination in his eyes.

Alright. Game on.

As if on cue, the band announced they were taking a short break, and a lot quieter stereo music started to play. Atsushi opened his phone and clicked call, putting it on speaker.

It connected after one single ring.

“Atsushi-kun! Everything alright? Want me to come get you, I swear I only had two more drinks today! Did he like the gift?”

Atsushi almost backpaddled on the plan; Dazai actually sounded concerned. But. Akutagawa was right there, he had to pull through.

“Yeah, yeah everything’s perfect, it’s a lot of fun, you’d like the place a lot I think.” He looked over at his partner for some reassurance. But he didn’t know where he was getting at, so he just shrugged. “You said I should call you if Chuuya does something funny, remember?” He then giggled like a schoolgirl, remembering to sound drunk (he already did, so no worries on that one). “Did you know he has a boyfriend?”

The other side of the line went quiet. Akutagawa nudged him with his elbow, mouthing what.

“Chuuya … has a boyfriend.”

Akutagawa stopped looking at Atsushi to look at the phone, brow furrowed; Dazai sounded weird.

And Atsushi got even more confident.

“Yeah, they’ve been going wild on the dance floor, we’ve been laughi—”

“What exactly are they doing? Who is he?”

Bingo. Dazai sounded distraught.

Atsushi opened his mouth to make something up, but to his delight, Akutagawa was faster. He grabbed his new pendant and leaned in with resolve in his eyes.

“They’ve been making out.” He stopped, looking at Atsushi who tried his best not to burst out laughing, the corners of his mouth twitching too. “He is tall and has brown hair, I haven’t seen him here before.”

Dazai didn’t even seem to notice he was talking to his former mentee.

“What?”

He sounded small. Atsushi would apologize later and suggest he should do something about his crush, and then … tease him for the remainder of his life. Because what a gold mine.

“I’m feeling very tired now. I should go to bed. Yes. Good-bye.”

The line went dead.

Atsushi looked at Akutagawa.

Akutagawa looked at Atsushi.

And then they were laughing so hard it brought both of them to tears.

“Tall with brown hair! What a fucking stroke of genius!”

Akutagawa looked delighted.

“How did you figure it out?”

“They both said some weird things, and it just made sense … should we help them get together?” They looked at each other again, wiping their tears, considering the possibilities. “Or just make fun of them ‘till death?”

They dissolved into giggles once again, and Akutagawa was now gripping Atsushi’s bicep to keep himself upright.

“I feel like an asshole, but also … the power! I can understand how Dazai-san feels all the time, I could get used to—”

And then Akutagawa was crushing him into a hug.

Atsushi’s back hit the wall, which surprised him; they were near the railing just a minute ago, he’s slowly been moving backwards without noticing, because Akutagawa was apparently getting closer.

It took a moment to realize he didn’t faint or fall; yes, this was indeed a hug. He was squeezing him by his waist, burying his head into his chest.

He couldn’t tell if he was crying, laughing or neither.

So, he did the sensible thing and hugged him back, embracing him over his shoulders, breathing in the scent of his hair.

Neither of them said anything for a very long time. It was warm, it was safe. The gentle music fit, and the atmosphere was just … perfect.

I could get used to this.

“Ahem.”

Atsushi would jump back if he could, but Akutagawa just kept on clinging, which honestly made him feel really nice and warm; did he like him more than he was embarrassed they were caught hugging? Nice.

What was not nice and warm was Akutagawa Gin’s stare.

“I want a word.”

Akutagawa slowly turned around to face his sister, only to find she was referring to Atsushi.

“Uh, yeah, okay,” the latter agreed.

Akutagawa begrudgingly disentangled himself from the hug, and he was wearing such a cute pouting face Atsushi felt like pulling him back and kissing him on the head. You know, like friends do.

Gin’s eye’s flickered towards her brother’s new accessory.

“Make it quick.”

When they were alone, Gin whirled on him, and Atsushi quickly remembered she was a highly skilled assassin. Better stay on guard.

“Look, I’m not a very good judge of character. I get orders and the less interactions I have with people, the better. I am not by any means a diplomat, so pardon my forwardness.” She stepped even closer, and Atsushi once again found himself hitting the wall. “You seem like ‘a good guy’. Again, I’m not really sure what that even means, I do the worst for a living, so it doesn’t really matter what you look like. It’s what you want to do with my only brother that matters. You might’ve noticed, he tends to get obsessive. We all know who the last person was to rewire his brain, and I am not looking forward to seeing a new side of broken when you are done with him.” Her eyes were like lightning, wanting to envelop Atsushi. “You hurt my brother, I hurt you. Got it?”

He's been shaking with fear, but the last sentiment reminded him of Kyouka. Wasn’t she protective of him in more or less the same way?

What were they doing wrong that their younger sisters had to look out for them so much?

“Thank you. For warning me.” He gave her a soft smile. “I wouldn’t dream of hurting Akutagawa, but those are just words. I just hope I can be … worthy. I’ll try. I swear I’ll try my best to show you both that.”

She backed off with a sigh, looking pleased.

“I guess you did do some good stuff. He wouldn’t hear me out at all when I proposed he uses a mixer … I guess we’ll see. Okay. You can live.”

He wasn’t sure if she said ‘leave’ or ‘live’. It was threatening either way.

They started making their way back towards the table, but Atsushi got intercepted by a slightly nervous looking Akutagawa.

“Give us a second,” he said to his sister who just rolled her eyes, leaving them alone, probably expecting them to resume their hugging (Atsushi hoped she was right). But then he turned towards him with widened eyes, dragging him back to their previous spot. “I think we’ve made a mistake.”

“With the prank? Yeah, I feel bad too, want to call …”

“It’s too late for that.”

Atsushi looked at him questioningly.

“What do you mean? It’s been like ten minutes, yeah, we let him sweat a little, but …”

“Nakajima.” He leaned on the railing, pointing down.

Atsushi joined him and gasped.

Dazai was making his way through the crowd of people, headed straight towards the dancefloor where Chuuya has been relentlessly twirling with Higuchi and Tachihara.

“Oh my god. Is he … is he … crying?”

His face was clearly red and puffy even from such a distance. He located Chuuya and grabbed him by his elbow.

“What. The fuck. Is he going to do? Why is he acting like …”

Realization slowly downed on Atsushi, making his blood freeze.

Akutagawa looked at him.

“I don’t think they have a crush on each other.”

Chuuya looked surprised. When Dazai leaned in and started talking in his ear he looked worried.

And then. He looked. Pissed.

“Nakajima. I think they’re dating.”

Chuuya’s eyes turned red when he started searching the balcony.

“Uh. Uh. We should. We should—”

“Fucking run, yeah.”

Akutagawa grabbed his wrist, pulling him behind him. Atsushi thought they were going for the stairs that lead to the exit, but his partner veered into a hallway he hasn’t even noticed before.

They just turned a corner when they heard Chuuya’s voice way too close to be comfortable.

“WHERE. ARE. THE LITTLE SHITS.”

“Shit, that’s us,” Atsushi whispered, and Akutagawa chuckled, pulling him through a door, and started running up a new flight of stairs.

“FUCKING LIARS, I’LL SHOW YOU WHAT IT MEANS TO FUCK AROUND WITH ME.”

They went up, somehow thinking they could outrun a gravity manipulator.

“Wait, wait, we have abilities!” They looked at each other, out of breath, realizing they. Were. Fucking. Drunk. “Wanna use mine or yours to jump?”

“Mine,” decided Akutagawa, pulling Atsushi close, and launched them up the circular staircase just as Chuuya burst into the same space.

“COME HERE AND TELL HIM WHAT YOU DID, YOU FUCKERS.”

“I don’t want to do that right now,” whispered Atsushi while clinging to Akutagawa. “I think we focus on surviving and explain later. Yeah?”

Akutagawa nodded aggressively, landing softly at the top of the stairwell.

“I SWEAR I WON’T HURT YOU.” But the smashing sounds didn’t sound too promising, so neither of the young men looked behind.

“Here’s the roof.”

They quietly opened the door, the winter cold biting at their exposed skin.

“Quick, behind that vent!”

They ducked behind the metallic structure the second the door was blown wide open.

“I JUST WANT TO TALK.”

Both men shook their heads at the same time.

Atsushi then pulled out his phone, typing furiously.

Im so so so sorry Dazai-san I didn’t know I swear it was just a prank im sorry im sorry I thot you just had a crush and I am so sorry

He gave Akutagawa the phone to approve the message, but he had to close one eye to read it because he saw double which sent the younger into another laughing episode; that was bad because they were actively trying not to get murdered. And now Akutagawa was holding back his laughter too and what a fucking mess.

They ended up sending the message with a tiger emoji which was added by mistake and was also stupid and disrespectful and it made it even harder not to cry-laugh.

Luckily, Chuuya got tired of smashing pipes and made his way back to the theatre.

Finally, they were alone.

And after a small eternity they also finally stopped laughing.

“I’m so sorry I dragged you into this. It’s all my fault, I’ll tell them that, okay?”

Akutagawa shook his head, wiping at his eyes; his eyeliner was not waterproof, and Atsushi found it to be even more attractive like this, smeared on his perfect face.

“It’s okay. I willingly participated.”

“I hope it didn’t ruin your birthday. I’m sorry, Akuta—”

“Don’t.” He leaned back on the vent, smiling at him. “Do I look like I didn’t enjoy it?”

Atsushi chuckled and leaned back too.

“You look happy. I’m glad.”

They stared at each other in a very friendly way until their alcohol induced brains reminded them they were freezing to death and it was time to go home.

Chapter Text

Atsushi woke up and smiled.

First of all, he slept really well, like it was crazy how well he slept. No nightmares, no waking up in the middle of the night just because (he had a suspicion it was his leftover fight-or-flight response from the orphanage).

He also just had the best night of his life. He could finally give Kyouka the definite answer that yes, Akutagawa was now his friend.

And also, an added bonus – no hangover thanks to his ability. He drank a liter of water before falling asleep and was now as good as new.

It was noon, but holy shit.

He felt so good.

He still didn’t feel like getting up. He curled into the fetus position, hiding under his warm blanket.

And thought about Akutagawa.

Fuck he looked good yesterday. The eyeliner? Holy fuck. Also, his shy look was the best thing Atsushi has ever seen; his blushing cheeks, such a lovely contrast to his pale skin, how he hid his lips behind his hand, his downcast eyes that somehow still found a way to look at Atsushi … and they hugged! Akutagawa wouldn’t fucking let go, he wasn’t even embarrassed when they got caught … and how quick he was to wear his necklace, the one his tiger wanted because mark him, ours. He wanted to tell him that at some point but couldn’t think of a context that didn’t make it weird.

Huh. Did he wake up with a boner or did it just happen? Weird.

He stretched like the cat that he was and accidentally hit his phone with his hands. He didn’t usually sleep with it, but he just couldn’t part from it last night; he kept staring at the new phone number saved in his contacts list.

Yes, he did already have Akutagawa’s number, but that was his work number.

This one was for friends.

It was saved with the dragon emoji, so he was the only one to know what it meant.

Atsushi closed his eyes, sighing.

He should do something about that ‘problem’ of his …

But just as he was about to start thinking about Akutagawa in tight pants for some reason, there was a knock at the door.

Never mind then.

He quickly got dressed and ran to the door.

Oh shit. Oh fuck.

He forgot about the whole Dazai situation.

“Good morning, Atsushi-kun! I brought breakfast! Well, it’s time for lunch, but you wouldn’t wake up, so … brunch?”

Atsushi stared at him, remembering the dumb stuff he did to the man just a few hours ago.

“Dazai-san! I’m so so—”

“Want to invite me in first?”

There was an undertone in his voice; he was cheerful as always, but there were bags under his eyes and a wariness in his movements.

He must’ve had a tough night.

And it was all his fault.

He quickly moved aside, letting Dazai in his kitchen.

Dazai put the croissants on the table, taking Kyouka’s spot. He rested his head on his hand and gave Atsushi another smile the younger man knew he didn’t deserve.

“I drank the coffees, I’m afraid.”

“It’s okay, I have instant coffee if you don’t mind.”

Atsushi busied himself with the preparation of the easiest drink in the world, putting the steaming cups of coffee on the table.

He then stood right in front of Dazai, bowing deeply.

“I’m so, so, so sorry, Dazai-san. You didn’t deserve that; I can’t imagine what went through your head. It was disgusting of me, I know, I can’t apologize enough. I was just a little frustrated because you can be so annoying sometimes and it feels like you control everything, and I was mad on Akutagawa’s behalf even though he’s never said anything damning himself. I was desperate to try to make him feel good, but you kept coming up in conversation and it just felt right to make fun of you, to, you know … make you human? But it was wrong and disgusting, and I am so sorry, I will apologize to Chuuya also, I just wasn’t ready yesterday, he looked … unapproachable. I’m sorry.”

He slowly looked up to find Dazai still smiling at him.

“Well, did it work?”

“Huh?”

“Did you manage to make him happy?”

Atsushi thought for a second before nodding decisively.

“Well, I’m glad that worked out.”

“I really didn’t even think the two of you already … you know.” He blushed, thinking of all the times Dazai tried to swoon a woman. “I was drunk, I didn’t think it through, I just thought you secretly liked each other.”

Dazai sighed, looking a little bit uncomfortable.

“About that … I’m sure you already know, but do you mind keeping it under wraps? No need for people to know, right?”

Atsushi nodded again.

“Yes. No. I’m not telling anyone. Of course not.”

Dazai gave him a little smile, stretched his long limbs and then put his head on table next to the steaming mug.

“Did you get any sleep last night? I’m so sorry to have caused you so much pain.”

“Relax, Atsushi-kun. It’s just that I got fucked so hard I can barely walk, so I guess that worked out too.”

It took a minute for Atsushi’s brain to catch up with what his mentor just said.

“D-Dazai-san! You can’t just say something like that!”

Dazai giggled and yawned at the same time.

“Make-up sex is the best. It’s like renewing the vows. Or—”

“For the love of god, please stop!”

“—having sex for the first time again. You’ll see.”

Atsushi ducked behind the table, grabbing at his ears.

“Please make it stop.”

“Anyway, I just want you to know I get it. And it’s fine. I guess I did deserve it. Probably much worse, but not from you, I think you’ll spontaneously combust if you ever do anything bad again, so I don’t know, don’t do it. And I’ll try to be less controlling. Chuuya keeps saying that, maybe he has a point.”

Atsushi peeked from under the table, as if asking if he stopped and he can sit again.

“I really am glad you get along with Akutagawa enough to prank call together.” He sat back, taking a sip of his coffee. “I meddled, but I think you got it covered now. The world should be afraid of the new double-black, the getting along type.”

“But don’t you get along too? I mean you can’t fight all the time, right?”

Dazai shrugged, looking pensive or maybe just tired.

“I don’t know what’s normal, Atsushi-kun. All I know is that I think it works.”

Atsushi sat back behind the table, reaching for the pastry. They sat like that for a while, both thinking and enjoying their very late breakfast.

“For what is worth, it was … well, not nice, but … not good … um, I felt something when I saw you like that yesterday. You looked normal; you know? Like you knew how to … uh, I’m too stupid for this … like you knew how to live? You wanted Chuuya and you were clear and … fuck, I don’t know. You looked human? Uh. I already said that. I should go back to bed.”

Dazai chuckled, pastry flakes flying all over the kitchen table.

“That’s very nice, Atsushi-kun, thank you.” He put the mug in the sink and rinsed his hands. “I’m also going back to bed. I might also not come to work tomorrow. He looks tiny, but his dic—”

“NO! NO! Bad Dazai! Please leave!”

“I was just—”

Atsushi covered his ears and started to sing a random tune until Dazai left.

Fucking hell. Did he have no one to talk to about Chuuya?

Was it always going to be like this from now on?

Fuck.

*

Atsushi took a shower and then returned to bed, enjoying his lazy Sunday. He picked up his phone to stare some more at the dragon emoji when he noticed a text. From the dragon emoji.

I got ambushed by Chuuya.

Atsushi launched into typing.

A: omg me to by dazai-san but it was fine are you okay??

R: How do you write so fast? Yes, I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be fine.

A: sory i got worried for a second he was stil mad or smth

R: Why do you write like that? I don’t follow.

A: sori sori I have a flip phone its hard okay anyways what did you talk abt

He could practically hear his troubled sigh.

Which he was now a hundred percent sure happened, because Akutagawa was now calling him.

“I don’t understand you. What does s-m-t-h stand for? I have a flip phone too you know. It’s not that hard to be comprehensible.”

Atsushi chuckled, squirming in his bed with excitement.

“Morning to you too, Akutagawa.”

“It’s one in the afternoon.”

“Good afternoon, Akutagawa.”

Akutagawa huffed, but he sounded amused.

“Whatever. What did Dazai-san say?”

“He was pretty cool about it. He basically just asked if we could keep it a secret, so. Yeah.”

“That’s it? Chuuya’s been screaming at me for the past hour. I’m hiding in Gin’s room because he’s not allowed to come in here.”

He was about to apologize again for dragging him into this mess, but instead he just burst out laughing.

“As expected. No decorum from you whatsoever.”

“I’m sorry, okay! Want me to come over? I can apologize too and maybe he’ll redirect his anger at me?”

There was a moment of silence of the other side.

“Akuta—”

“You’d actually do that if I asked you to, right?”

“Yeah, of course. So?”

“No,” he said slowly, as if not entirely sure. “Maybe some other time.”

Atsushi was entirely pleased with that promise.

They chatted for a bit after that, replaying the highlights of the night, until Akutagawa announced Gin had betrayed him and Chuuya was now standing in the room.

The call disconnected after that. Atsushi was a little worried, but this did give him an opportunity to text him later. To check if he was okay.

Chapter Text

Atsushi kept stealing glances at the person on his left. He was wearing a cleaning staff uniform, and even though that sounds rather unattractive, he was also wearing an apron. And that apron did something to Atsushi; he couldn’t take his eyes off the curve of his tiny waist. He had the perfect waist, like what the fuck was going on, focus.

“What.” Akutagawa seemed to notice; his cheeks were a light pink color. “Do I look weird?”

“No!” Atsushi giggled nervously, finding an imaginary hair on his uniform and removing it. “Sorry.”

“You look weird too you know. That wig is worse than your real hair.”

“Ooh, you think my real hair looks better? Thank you, Akutagawa!” Akutagawa hid his smile with his hand, coughing softly. “Yours doesn’t. You do look a little weird blond.”

Akutagawa touched his pixie haircut wig, sighing, but before he could continue their weird compliment battle their headsets cackled to life.

“Okay guys! Your boss for the day is making his way towards you now, and like we said; play nice for a few hours, snoop around, locate the documents, finish your shift and then come to my dirty apartment to put your new cleaning skills to good use!”

Both men rolled their eyes at that.

“I didn’t hear a no! Anyway, here he comes, good luck, boys!”

They then spent the whole noon following senior employees around, emptying trash bins, making the beds and vacuuming the rooms. They had a surprisingly good time once they were left to their own devices for having shown competency; it did go a little downhill from there, but hey, at least they were having fun.

“Will you stop eating the chocolates?” Atsushi looked at him guiltily and Akutagawa hid his lips behind his hand again. “It’s for the pillows you brute.”

“Pillows can’t eat them.” He was being so dumb when around Akutagawa lately. Anything to make that man laugh, he noticed the stupider the joke, the better.

Akutagawa chuckled and then slapped his hand to his mouth.

“That wasn’t even funny. Stop.”

He walked to Atsushi and took the box with the chocolates away from him, putting two of them on the pillows, while the weretiger enjoyed the view from behind, reaching in his pocket.

“Hey, you still laughed.”

“I didn’t.” He turned around, and his eyes widened. “How the fuck – put the chocolates down this second!”

“Look just try one, okay, they’re good!”

“I can’t taste, remember.”

“Oh, right. Smell it?”

Without waiting for a response, he put the unwrapped chocolate under his nose, and while he did look like he was about to murder him – he still smelled it.

“Your taste in food in questionable. That is one cheap chocolate.” He straightened his back, looking at him like a disappointed teacher. “I can show you what an acceptable dessert is if you leave these damned fakes alone.”

Atsushi immediately disposed of all the ones he’s stolen up to this point.

“Okay, boys, stop tidying up for a minute, mission time!”

*

They were walking towards the subway; since they didn’t manage to find any clues, they had to return to their cleaning job on the cruise the next day, so they were still acting like friends who just finished their shift; no car for them this time.

Atsushi tried to be friendly, but Akutagawa was acting weird; he didn’t hear half of the things he’d say and just kept staring everywhere that wasn’t Atsushi. The weretiger then gave up, and they quietly walked towards the entrance of their line.

But just as he was about to start walking down the stairs, Atsushi noticed Akutagawa wasn’t following. He was standing a few meters behind him, facing nothing in particular, but obviously waiting for Atsushi to come back. Which he did momentarily, of course.

“Hey, what’s up?”

Akutagawa opened and closed his mouth.

Atsushi patiently continued to stare at him.

“Since. We are already.” Akutagawa hid behind his hand even though he didn’t have to cough, and Atsushi’s heart melted. “In disguise.”

He stopped and finally looked expectantly at Atsushi.

Fuck. Was he supposed to know what he meant by that?

“Uh. Yeah, we are in disguise. You mean … what do you mean?”

Akutagawa looked down.

And logged off, apparently. They just stood there and kept quiet. When it finally dragged for too long, Atsushi knew he had to step up.

“You want me to guess or something?”

He nodded, cheeks red.

The weretiger chuckled softly and put on his detective hat.

“Right. You were going to educate me on the wonders of cuisine. You mentioned a good dessert place … Want to take me there?”

“Yes. But no. I’m not going there in these clothes; they might recognize me, and I won’t be able to come back.”

While he did like the promise of another meeting, he was also worried he might never guess what the fuck Akutagawa wanted right now.

“O-kay. Since we’re in disguise you want to go somewhere you wouldn’t normally go, right?” Akutagawa gave a short nod. “Okay, uh … I don’t actually know where you normally go. Somewhere high end, I guess? So, you want to do something … more pedestrian?” Another nod. “Right. Uh … can you give me another hint?”

The brooding man in a funny wig thought for a second.

“Somewhere you’d take Kyouka.”

Atsushi put his chin in his hand, thinking like his life depended on it.

“Do you like crepes? Animals, a zoo? Stuffed toys? Theatre?”

Akutagawa didn’t respond to any of that, so he took it as a no.

“Oh, wait.” Atsushi felt like he was getting close. “Chinatown! No, Red Brick Warehouse? The ferris wheel? Or …”

Akutagawa answered his question with a facial expression Atsushi has never seen before.

It even reminded him of Kyouka.

He tried not to laugh; he was so happy it was really hard.

“I guess we’re not taking the subway then.”

He waited until Akutagawa schooled his expression back into mafioso mode, trying not to gawk too much.

“Ready?”

“Yes. Fine.”

Akutagawa sounded like he was agreeing with what was Atsushi’s idea to begin with, but the weretiger didn’t mind. He didn’t mind at all.

*

They were standing in line (Akutagawa did try to cut it, but Atsushi held him back, saying they were supposed to blend in, remember) with giggling schoolgirls, schoolboys and people on dates; Atsushi tried not to think too hard in which category they fell in. The sun was already close to the sea, it was apparently a popular time to visit this specific Yokohama attraction.

They were standing on the stairs; Akutagawa was positioned a step higher than him, and he was leaning on the fence, arching his body in a way Atsushi wasn’t entirely sure was comfortable, but he certainly enjoyed the view.

They looked hilarious to each other in their undercover clothes, but it felt very normal none the less.

“Hey, Akuta—”

“Don’t call me that. We’re undercover, remember.”

Did that make sense? Probably, yeah. Yeah? He couldn’t concentrate when he was looking down at him like that. How did he look so good from every angle?

“Sure. Uh, what was you work name again? I forget …”

“Ryuunosuke.”

Atsushi’s breath hitched, and he almost missed the next step when the line started moving.

“No …? Isn’t that your real name?”

“We only gave them surnames. So, any name should be fine.” He crossed his arms, looking him in the eyes. “Can I call you Atsushi?”

Somewhere is his brain something imploded. His soul left his body, went on a screaming trip in space when no one could hear it, and then dived right back into him, all in a span of one or two seconds.

“Yeah. Okay.”

The whole conversation was crazy, he was pretty sure it didn’t make much sense, but Atsushi didn’t have the mental capacity to dwell on it too much; he and Akutagawa were now on first-name basis. Until they took their disguises off, but first-name basis still.

“You’re holding the line, Atsushi. Come on.”

The next few minutes passed in a frenzy; Atsushi tried really hard not to stumble on the stairs, but he managed to beat him to the cashier anyway; Akuta—Ryuunosuke looked at him funnily when he passed him his ticket, and he couldn’t help but laugh.

“It’s not like I can treat you to much. Just let me.”

They stepped into the gondola and while Ryuunosuke was sitting down on the opposite seat, Atsushi felt an animalistic urge to take him by his waist and hoist him onto his side.

But he was human. So, he just blushed.

For a while they both kept staring out of the windows, admiring the scenery; their city sure was beautiful. It was getting dark, and the lights were looking very romanti—nice. They were looking nice.

“It’s not true. What you’ve said.”

Atsushi teared his eyes away from a ship that had its own light show to look at Ryuunosuke.

“What did I say?” he asked, slightly worried.

“That you can’t treat me to much.” He kept looking at him; he wasn’t blushing, coughing or hiding. “You give me a lot.”

The younger didn’t know to respond to this; acknowledging it would mean he was accepting a compliment, something his past just couldn’t let happen.

“I just meant I can’t give you expensive things … or anything like that …” He laughed uncomfortably, fiddling with his wig. “I can’t take you to famous bars or pastry shops and restaurants and … my gifts are like. More thoughts than anything.”

He didn’t even realize he had a problem with this. He knew there was no way he could ever pay even for the dessert Ryuunosuke was talking about, it sounded expensive just because it was telling enough the older went there regularly.

“I can do money for the both of us. It doesn’t matter and shouldn’t be your worry.”

Something inside Atsushi disagreed. Maybe it was the tiger, maybe it was all him.

He looked over to the horizon that looked different than it looked from their pier.

“It doesn’t feel enough, though.”

He dared a glance at Ryuunosuke to find him glaring at him.

“I was trying to tell you I’m more worthless than you are. It wasn’t meant to be a competition, idiot.”

Atsushi huffed, confused.

“Wait, what? Why are you worthless, don’t fucking ever say that. I was just …”

“You’re not worthless either, so will you just take the compliment? You look after me, you get me, you bring fucking flowers to my grave, you …” He grabbed at his chest at a hardly noticeable outline of a pendant. “I was trying to tell you you’re giving more than enough. Idiot.”

And Atsushi really felt like one.

They kept quiet for a few moments more, and then Atsushi got up and sat himself next to Ryuunosuke.

He looked over at him and gave him a small smile.

“I’m sorry. Thank you, Ryuunosuke.” He looked closer to his chest, confirming he was really wearing his gift under that sweater. “And just in case you were wondering; you’re enough, too.”

Atushi decided he was a genius. A secret one, because he had no idea how he kept saying the right stuff, but a genius none the less; after his declaration Ryuunosuke threw himself at him, hugging him around his neck, and was now sitting almost in his lap, draping a leg over his thigh.

They didn’t say anything for the rest of the ride. Ryuunosuke eventually removed his leg, but kept leaning on Atsushi’s shoulder, resting his head on it while the weretiger kept holding his hand. Despite it being winter they were warm, enjoying the view and each other as the ride was slowly coming to an end.

Chapter Text

“Did he leave?”

“Yes, he has an appointment at the bank.”

“We have about twenty minutes.”

“Ready?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah.”

“Let’s go.”

“What the fuck are they whispering about?”

Atsushi was sitting behind his desk with Tanizaki on it. They’ve been cautiously observing their coworkers; the moment Kunikida left the office, Kyouka, Dazai, Ranpo and Naomi got into a circle and started whispering to each other, stealing glances at Atsushi.

“I’m going to be honest. I’m worried for you, man. When Naomi gets like that ... I’ll leave now, okay?”

Tanizaki slipped behind his own desk, and slightly bowed his head.

“Atsushi-kun!”

Fuck, here we go.

“Yes, Dazai-sa—”

A drawing board was put in front of him out of nowhere. Ranpo stood on the left of it, Dazai on the right, both wearing shit-eating grins that scared Atsushi to his core; his tiger nudged him to get out and run away, but when he turned to the left it was Kyouka who was blocking his path, and on the right Naomi.

Oh, he was fucked.

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to ‘Whose text is that?’, a brand-new game we’ve come up with during breaks and in the short spans of time Kunikida was absent! The main objective of the game is simple – to try and guess whose text Nakajima Atsushi, our young detective, has received!” Atsushi stared at Dazai happily explaining the premise of his game as if it was being broadcast. Did he finally go mad? “Over a span of a couple of weeks of observing and spying and gathering data, we have come to a few possible reactions connected to his friends and coworkers. Here are the results!”

Ranpo dramatically reached for the blank page, turning it around, and Atsushi covered his eyes in an attempt to not participate; he only saw an outline of some text or maybe a drawing, nothing conclusive, he just had to stall until Kunikida …

“But Atsushi-kun!” Dazai’s whining voice was the worst thing he’s ever heard, he decided. “Poor Kyouka-chan has worked so very hard on the drawings!”

“I did,” a whispering voice so close to his ear said Atsushi jumped in his chair.

“Don’t make her sad,” Ranpo cut in whining also.

“Do you want to make me sad?”

“They are so beautiful!” Naomi squealed in his other ear.

“They are.”

Atsushi opened his eyes, dejected.

“Fine! Let’s just get this over with, you bullies!”

Everyone cheered and Dazai pointed aggressively at the picture.

It was Atsushi. Well, probably. The main defining features of a human being weren’t really there, but the hair looked weird enough and the strike of black was there, so. I guess? Kyouka used just a few lines to get his expression; a slightly wrinkled brow with a single drop of sweat on his forehead.

“The Worried Atsushi! Observed when receiving a text from … Kunikida Doppo!”

Kyouka, Naomi, Ranpo and Tanizaki (Atsushi gave him a betrayed look) clapped politely at the revelation.

Ranpo then reached for the page again and flipped it.

His cheeks were puffed like he was playing the trumpet. His brows were wrinkled again, and he looked bothered.

“The Annoyed Atsushi! Observed when … wait, what? I think this a mistake …”

“Just read it!”

“Fine … observed when getting a text from … Dazai Osamu!”

This time around they laughed, and Atsushi couldn’t hold in his chuckle too.

“Okay, okay, enough of that, this is indecisive data, remember! Will you show us the next one? Aha, my favorite! Atsushi with a Small Smile! Observed when texting … Izumi Kyouka!”

Atsushi blushed this time around.

The game went on and while it did embarrass him greatly, it was still very fun. Yosano and Kenji showed up too, the only people who were now missing were the President (thank god) and Kunikida (thank fucking god). It was like a teambuilding activity where the whole office ganged up a on poor unsuspecting hard-working member of the office. It was still fun, though.

However, there was something in the back of Atsushi’s mind this entire time; did they also count … um …

“And finally, the fan favorite.” Dazai went quiet while Naomi drummed her hands on the desk for dramatic effect. “The Blushing. Smiling. Grinning. Kicking his Feet from Excitement Atsushi!” Oh, holy fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. “Observed in the wild when receiving a text from … the dragon emoji!”

The office erupted in cheers like they just counted down the seconds to new year.

Atsushi felt like becoming one with the pavement.

And just when he thought things couldn’t get any worse, his phone pinged with a notification.

Everything instantly went quiet.

“Come on now, Atsushi-kun. Won’t you check your phone?” Dazai turned around, trying to get everyone’s attention like Atsushi wasn’t right in front of him. “Everyone, observe the tiger closely to determine Whose. Text. Is. That!” He said the name of the game as if they were streaming live on national television.

“I refuse. I’ll check it later.”

Everyone groaned, while Yosano booed.

“Come on, Atsushi-kun!”

“Do it, do it, do it!”

“I’ll give you one candy of my choosing from my secret stash!”

Atsushi schooled his features, determined to play with them back. He was going to make an expression so out of character they were going to be left completely in the dark.  

He took his phone in his hands, opening it, while the office held its breath.

He looked at the text, instantly forgetting what he had just decided he was supposed to do.

“The dragon emoji!”

It was scary how they’ve said it almost in unison, but Atsushi barely heard them.

He was too busy staring at the text, disbelieving.

“All right guys, it was fun, but I really have to go now.” He got up and jumped over his desk at the same time he slinged his bag over his shoulder, all in span of a blink of an eye. “Please tell Kunikida-san I’m using my overtime, see you tomorrow, bye!”

The whole office stared behind the running man, surprised.

“Uh, so … who is the dragon emoji?”

*

Ryuunosuke opened his door, expression guarded.

Atsushi gave him a huge smile while simultaneously desperately trying to catch his breath.

“Did you seriously run all the way here just because of that?”

“No. I ran home to pick up something and then I ran here because of that. Yeah. Lots of running. Hah. Can I get a glass of water, maybe, if I can?”

He hasn’t stepped foot in his apartment yet; he did walk him home after their dat—uh … ride on the ferris wheel, but it was getting late and none of them made a move to get him inside. They did share a nice moment though when Ryuunosuke proposed they should keep calling each other by their first names even outside the mission.

Ryuunosuke then moved to the side, letting Atsushi in, eyeing warily a huge bag he was carrying with him.

“Oh. This is really nice.”

Despite it being in a high-end location, there was nothing high-tech-eseque about the apartment; it was cozy and warm, nothing looked like it was put there to look nice but rather because it simply fit there; there were lots of antiques just laying around, serving as book-holders or just existing for themselves in the nooks and crannies of the space.

“Hm.”

Ryuunosuke made his way to the small kitchen, grabbing a glass from the cupboard. He was wearing what Atsushi concluded were his pajamas; he was barefoot, with his glasses, wearing baggy grey pants that looked like they were going to slip off his tiny waist at any moment, and a similarly overworn crop top. A crop top. Atsushi’s heart just wouldn’t calm down when Ryuunosuke stretched to get the glass, and the crop top lifted and …

“I was just going to bed, you know.”

He gave him the glass, which Atsushi gulped down in a second.

“Right. I’ll be quick.” That Port Mafia schedule was sure weird; it was four in the afternoon.

Atushi lifted the bag he was carrying and put it in Ryuunosuke’s arms with a smile so big it seemed to blind the sleepy man’s eyes; he had to look away.

“This is … heavy. What is this.”

“Oh, just … just one of those thoughts we were talking about, heh.” He seemed nervous all of a sudden. “Remember when we were talking in bed … uh, you know, the teambuilding practice we had in the woods?” Ryuunosuke put the bag down and opened it carefully. The weretiger observed his long and crafty fingers, admiring his motions. “Yeah, when you told me about not being able to taste anymore.” He reached into the bad, bringing out a box of figs. “You said this is the first thing you’d like to eat when … when it did come back.” Ryuunosuke reached in the bag again, bringing out a different box of figs; this time they were covered in dark chocolate. “Oh, right, congratulations on that by the way, I was so happy when I got the text … and …” Another one. This one claimed it was from Greece and was therefore superior to all the others. “I guess I’ve been kind of collecting them since you told me? I didn’t even know I had this many, oops. You don’t have to eat them, it was just …” He took another breath, finally calming down. “A thought. For when you got your taste back. It’s good. That it did. I’ll stop talking now.”

Ryuunosuke was kneeling on the floor, looking at the quite frankly impressive selection Atsushi has managed to collect. His head was inclined, hair obscuring his face, and he hasn’t moved in a minute at this point.

Then he suddenly got up, turning to Atsushi.

And powerwalked towards the hallway right pass him.

“Uh, Ryuu—”

The door slammed in his face before he could follow him.

“Shit, Ryuunosuke, everything okay? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“I don’t know how to react. Please give me a minute.”

His voice was muffled but very close; he was probably leaning on the door just like Atsushi was.

“Right. Okay. I’ll get another glass of water, okay?”

He walked back to the kitchen, mind riddled with worry; did he do good or bad? He honestly wasn’t really thinking about his reaction until now, he just wanted to cheer him up, celebrate this momentous occasion.

While he drank his third glass, he noticed a mixer near the sink, which made him smile.

We could still use it for smoothies.

Minutes passed. He moved to the living room, observing the furniture. He picked up a book and sat himself on the armchair that was so soft he forgot about the book; it was slightly inclined and so comfortable he could just …

The door opened and he jumped a little but remained seated. He was going to act like everything was normal to not scare him away.

Ryuunosuke than came to the living room while Atsushi was pretending he was reading the book. He stood in front of him and that’s when the weretiger looked up.

His arms were crossed like he was giving himself a hug. It was clear he cried a bit, but he looked as breath-taking as always in his crop top that his tiger has been suggesting (since the moment they’ve entered) they tear away.

He didn’t say anything, so Atsushi didn’t say anything either, he just slowly put the book down.

And then Ryuunosuke came closer, touching his shoulders to hold himself steady while he climbed into Atsushi’s lap.

He snuggled his head in the crook of Atsushi’s neck, laying fully on his partners torso. He brought his knees closer to his body, fitting perfectly into Atsushi’s arms that accepted the sudden added weight greedily; he was trying hard not to squeeze him or touch him anywhere that he didn’t want to.

“Is this okay,” Ryuunosuke whispered against his neck. He had no idea how much Atsushi has missed his breath on his skin.

“Yes. Of course.”

He then buried his head even further into Atsushi; he was acting like a cat. He kept his hands to himself, while Atsushi drew calming circles on the clothed part of his waist, breathing in the scent of the man he held in his arms.

Ryuunosuke’s breath then slowed down, and soon he was sleeping. Atsushi entertained the idea of carrying him to his bed, but he didn’t know where the bedroom was, and before he could decide on anything the warmth of his loved one lulled him to sleep also.

*

He got woken up by an almost imperceptible movement of air.

He found himself face to face with a pair of familiar-looking grey eyes.

“Hello,” Atsushi whispered, not moving.

“Hi,” Akutagawa Gin whispered back.

It was dark. He was still sitting in the world’s most comfortable armchair, still holding his partner/friend/? in his arms.

His foggy brain came to the conclusion Ryuunosuke still lived with his sister.

Who just placed a blanket over the sleeping pair.

She then motioned to her brother.

“Is he okay?”

 “Yes. He got his taste back.”

Gin’s eyes widened at that, and Atsushi’s chest swelled with pride; was he the first person Ryuunosuke told? Fuck yes.

“That’s amazing.” Her eyes softened as she gave him a small smile. “Thank you for looking after him.”

“Always.”

Ryuunosuke stirred at that, and Gin took a step back, motioning towards the hallway, telling Atsushi she was going to bed. He waved her good-bye and then went back to gently hugging Ryuunosuke.

He hoped the alarm wouldn’t go off any time soon.

Chapter Text

“All right. I can’t eat anymore.” Atsushi breathed out a sigh of relief; he was worried Kyouka was going to try every single sweet on the busy streets of Chinatown. “Wait. I see bubble tea.”

Some more lost money later they were making their way towards the park, enjoying their drinks.

They were going for the benches between the rose bushes when Kyouka pointed towards the promenade.

“Looks like Akutagawa is on a date.”

Atsushi turned with such speed his neck audibly cracked.

They were sitting across the fountain, chatting. His first thought was that Ryuunosuke looked divine; he always looked amazing but right now he was also wearing his new dark-grey coat Atsushi recognized immediately; he pointed at it when they were passing through Queen’s Mall on a rainy day, saying it’d go great with Ryuunosuke’s eyes. He just huffed and walked right past but apparently, he thought so too.

It did go extremely well with his eyes, his hair, his complexion, his silhouette. Atsushi had to force himself to look away, reminding his brain he was supposed to look at the girl (he really, really hoped it wasn’t Higuchi).

He choked out an awkward laugh while Kyouka was observing him carefully.

“That’s just his sister, Gin.” It took him a second to realize Ryuusonuke was right there, about twenty meters away, and they were one wrong move away from finding themselves in a very awkward situation. “Okay, let’s run now, yeah?”

He turned towards Kyouka, waiting for her to move, but she pointed at them again.

“She’s waving at you.”

To his horror, Gin was standing and waving at them enthusiastically, obviously wanting them to get closer while Ryuunosuke remained seated; he even refused to look at them properly. Atsushi got the feeling he screwed up. They should’ve run when they had the chance, but there was no way he’d let Gin down now; he remembered the warm blanket she placed on them that night. He felt like he really needed her approval for some unknown reason.  

Before he could make his body move, Kyouka grabbed his wrist and led him towards the pair.

He soon realized what a bad decision that was. Akutagawa wouldn’t meet his eyes at all; he nodded his head towards Kyouka and ignored him completely. At least Gin was being friendly, giving her brother weird looks when she thought Atsushi wasn’t looking. It was awkward through and through, and he wished to know nothing more than what he did wrong. Or was he simply bothered they didn’t just ignore each other? That bothered Atsushi, actually; haven’t they been through enough to warrant at least a hello in public?

Ryuunosuke’s coat was slightly opened, courtesy of the first sunny day in a while; it was nearing golden hour, but it was still fairly warm for the month, and Atsushi’s keen eye caught a glimmer of silver.

Fuck it. He had to know.

“Hey, uh, can you give us a minute?”

Gin and Kyouka disappeared like the assassins they were, leaving him and Ryuunosuke alone.

Atsushi felt so nervous there was no way he could sit right now.

“Hey. Want to take a walk?”

He surprised himself with how soft his voice was.

And even more surprised when Ryuunosuke nodded and slowly got up.

They walked towards the sea, joining the river of people walking up and down the promenade. Atsushi decided he liked this; he pretended for a moment they’ve met up on purpose, hoping someone, anyone would see them and assume they were … uh …

He really wanted to take his hand but from the signs he’s managed to pick up, that wasn’t the best move right now.

“I like your coat.” Ryuunosuke didn’t answer. “I was right. It really does suit your eyes.” His voice was still so incredibly soft, as if the cold-blooded murderer walking next to him was a delicate flower.

The murderous flower didn’t answer.

Did he need time? Atsushi had time.

And after a few minutes of walking, Ryuunosuke stopped.

Atsushi cautiously observed his mannerisms, which was a bit hard, considering he only saw his back.

“Who’s the girl.”

“Uh, Kyouka-chan?”

“No. The other one.”

Oh, fuck me. Did he really had to guess again?

“Can you be more specific?”

Ryuunosuke leaned on the railing with his hip, still facing away from him.

“Coffee shop. That girl.”

It only took a minute for Atsushi to understand.

“Oh, from the coffee place under my office? Lucy-chan!”

He apparently said it too happily because his partner huffed. Unhappily.

“Do you like hanging out with her.”

Atsushi was confused; what did that had to do with anything? What was going on?

“Uh, she’s my friend, so, yeah?”

“You laughed really loudly. I could hear you from a block away. I thought you only laughed with me like that.”

He whispered the last part, and Atsushi was now certain he screwed up; he just still didn’t understand where.

“I mean, she’s my friend. Of course we laugh a lot.” Think genius brain, think. What did you say last time that made him hug you? “But it’s not the same as with you. I like laughing with you more. The most, actually.” It was the truth.

Ryuunosuke seemed to soften a bit at that; he looked over his shoulder, giving him the side-eye (which was still eye contact, so he counted that as a win).

“Is she your girlfriend.”

For a moment, he wanted to laugh; it was preposterous, and it made him feel warm inside because what the fuck, how did he worry about that when … when he cried because he cared so much about what his partner thought of him, brought flowers to honor his memory, would secretly take care of him even when he thought he hated him, was the first person he thought to call when in a bad situation, he’d carry him through hell and back if he got hurt, let him drink his blood if it made him feel just a little bit better, be his shoulder to cry on because he trusted him to be his shoulder to cry on too, he wanted to protect him so bad he was prepared to humiliate the person he respected most if it meant it helped him heal, he really did laugh the hardest when they were together, and he’s been getting these queer thoughts when he thought of him when alone in bed or when he was just watching him or … holding him.

But he didn’t laugh or said any of that. He leaned with both arms on the railing too, looking over at the golden sky, pensive.

“No, she’s not. I’m not into girls, you know.”

He waited for the words to sink in, because he was fairly certain this was something they had to address at that point. He said it as casually as he could, while his heart was beating so loudly he was certain everyone on the promenade could hear it.  

Slowly, so very slowly Ryuunosuke turned towards the sea too.

“Me neither.”

Atsushi focused on the horizon, trying to commit this moment to memory. It felt like a small eternity, but even though they were not speaking, they could communicate still. They always were good at that.

But then the stillness they found themselves in started to feel unnecessary.

“So. Are you seeing someone cute?” Ryuunosuke huffed without answering. “Oh, well. Is he at least well off?”

He was about to start blabbering nonsense again (he was way too nervous to hold a normal conversation), but luckily got interrupted.

“No, he’s broke as hell.” Atsushi thought about acting hurt, but he was curious where this was going, so he kept quiet. “But. He makes me feel like. Life makes sense.” He didn’t expect that. And even Ryuunosuke looked surprised he said that. “And yeah. He’s kind of cute.” Before he could react, he turned away from Atsushi, clearing his throat. “What about you?”

Breed him.

His tiger was bound to turn into a nuisance at some point.

He laughed awkwardly.

“Uh. Yeah, I have my eyes on someone … we started kind of rough, but it got better somewhere along the way … and he’s really pretty. Like. Gorgeous.” He wanted to add about ten more superlative adjectives, but didn’t want to scare him with how much he fucking liked looking at him.

“Is he rich?”

“I think so, yeah.”

“Would you accept if he paid for dinner?”

His breath hitched and he felt like sitting on the floor; his knees were giving out.

“Yes. Yes, I would.”

Ryuunosuke pushed himself away from the railing they were leaning on, put his hands in his pockets, and started swiftly walking further down the pier. Atsushi stared at him in amazement for a long moment before running after him.

“I know a place.”

*

“Okay, yes, you were right. I understand why this is a good dessert,” Atsushi announced after taking a bite out of his fancy tiramisu. He could tell it was fancy because they put it in a glass instead on a plate and added an abstract chocolate decoration.

Ryuunosuke smiled at him, taking a sip of his black coffee.

“Do you want a bite?”

He shook his head, putting down his porcelain cup on the coaster so elegantly as if he took etiquette classes (after seeing the place, Atsushi felt like he should’ve taken a crash course before coming too).

“I don’t like sweets that much.”

“It has coffee in it, though.”

He looked like he was about to decline again, but then Atsushi held his spoon in front of him.

A soft pink colored his cheeks, and he opened his mouth.

“Good, right?”

Ryuunosuke nodded, not looking him in the eyes.

A second dessert spoon appeared in front of them and the waiter quickly bowed before running off. Ryuunosuke’s blush deepened, while Atsushi giggled.

“Looks like I won’t be able to come back anyway,” he whispered, and Atsushi nudged him affectionately.

“Here.”

Ryuunosuke willingly parted his lips for Atsushi for the second time, letting his once enemy feed him again. He felt his partner pressing his leg against his under the table, and didn’t make a move to scoot away.

It was sweet. It felt safe.

He didn’t look away this time.