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Chapter Text

Eddie Kaspbrak fell to the floor on his second day of 11th grade.

I’m too fucking old for this shit.

He thought to himself as he rubbed his elbow, an angry expression visible on his maturing face.

There will probably be a small bruise there, and his mother will freak, but that’s a later issue. Eddie stood up, focused on the problem at hand. Mother fucking Moose.

You’d think after Henry lunatic Bowers, Eddie’s, and the other Losers, tormenter of the ages, got locked up in the summer of ‘89 the endless bullying would stop. But unfortunately, Eddie learned, there will always be a bully in the world.

The current bullies name was Moose. Well Steve Sadler actually, but irrelevant to the case. Moose had chummed with Henry Bowers a couple times back in the day. But with Henry and his goons… gone. Moose was the new big bad.

He was a huge idiot that was held back multiple times. It was a miracle he had even made it to senior year. Eddie assumed the teachers had to have been plain fed up with Steve, and passed him up to the 12th grade purely to get rid of the guy.

Eddie winced holding his elbow. He wanted so badly to shout back.

“What the fuck gives you the right to shove me around all this time? Grow the hell up!” He would say.

But he didn’t. He fought a killer clown at 13, but this? This was different. He just glared at the guy, secretly wishing Bill was there.

Big Bill was always the best at sorting out bullies, especially since his stutter had lessened to a mere occasional pause and deep breath. Any of the losers had gotten good at shutting bullies down really, besides Stanley of course. Stan was worse than Eddie. His solution was to just shut down completely.

“Sorry babyfag didn’t see you there.”

Moose eruptted into laughter as if it was anything original, and walked off, pushing Eddie a second time.

At least he wasn’t as terribly insane as Henry, just a dick nonetheless.

Eddie felt eyes on him, and even a few giggles. He tried his best to ignore the judgmental feeling. It wasn’t as if he was the sole target in this school, just a frequent one. He quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out his aspirator.

His hand was shaking a bit.

Being shoved around in high school, oh Jesus Christ. At this rate he was bound to be a target for the rest of his miserable, helpless life. And this damn inhaler didn’t help.

Eddie closed his eyes and triggered it, feeling instantly better.

C’mon Eddie, get up fast! Don’t make a scene! Oh God, just please don’t cry. Boys at your age don’t cry.

But the name rang in his ear.

Babyfag.

It was stupid. Overused. Unoriginal. But it hurt nonetheless.

He opened his eyes and saw the one and only, Richie Tozier, his best Hawaiian shirt wearing friend, speeding down the hall.

God he looked worried and so… Eddie shook the thought away quickly.

He stood to his feet quickly, not wanting to cause more of a scene. Richie ran over to him from the school entrance, his bag wide open, a pencil flying out.

Eddie turned towards his locker, pretending not to notice Richie standing there, worried as hell. He could feel his eyes still watery from the stupid name.

Babyfag.

He reached for his textbook as Richie grabbed for his elbow. Eddie pulled back quickly now facing him, wearing his iconic pout.

“Shit Eds, what happened?!” Richie asked adjusting his comically large glasses that made his eyes distorted and disproportionate to his lightly freckled face.

“Nothing just fucking Moose again. Nothing new in this lame fucking school, in this lame fucking town-”

“That asshole. Where’s a kid murdering clown when you need one?” Richie joked smiling, but the smiling quickly dropped when he noticed Eddie’s more than typical annoyance. Something was wrong.

“Too soon Rich” Eddie replied, not amused.

He turned back towards his locker and grabbed a thick textbook.

“It’s been almost four years Eds. If I can’t joke about it now, I’ll never get to joke about it.”

“That’s the point” Eddie rebutted rolling his eyes and slamming his locker.

“Shit I think I left mine at home” Richie groaned after seeing Eddie’s Pre-cal book.

“Richie we just got them yesterday!”

“And watch I’ll make a better grade than any of you losers without touching that thing all year!” Richie said as they walked off towards Eddie’s pre-cal classroom.

“You better cause I’m not letting you borrow mine till you learn how to wash your hands-“

“One time Eds, that was one time!”

“Yeah, but I got the fucking fee because you couldn’t wash your hands after eating a fucking Reese’s!”

“And I payed you back the damage!”

“Richie you gave me a dollar!”

“Is my presence not enough for you, Eddie my love?” Richie said his stupid grin haunting Eddie.

Their usual bickering nature shut down on Eddies part quickly.

God stupid Richie, stupid nickname. Could he not hold off on all that at school?

I mean it wasn’t like Richie meant it for real, Eddie knew that. It was just how the Richie was.

But why did it bother Eddie so much? Why did his heart flutter for the smallest second as he grew angry and flustered?

Stupid Richie. Stupid nickname.

Richie smiled a bit to himself at Eddie’s angry face. Even if it was simply annoyance, Richie couldn’t get enough of it.

Richie continued to ramble on and on about some stupid rated-R movie he snuck into with Ben and Bev the other day.

“And trust me Eddie, she was like the hottest girl ever! You totally missed out it showed nipple and everything!“

Eddie zoned out a bit as Richie talked and talked. Usually the two of them could talk up storms together. But every once in a while, Eddie just liked to watch the storm Richie’s mouth created. Because really, Rich kinda does have a nice smile, doesn’t he?

“Are you even listening Kaspbrak?” Richie suddenly asked as they turned a corner.

Shit he was caught.

“Y-yeah.”

He looked up to the taller boy, who had really grown from when they were 13. Eddie grew too, but mostly just in the face. Richie was almost 6 foot now.

The taller boy smirked.

“Well anyways and then I went home and had steamy passionate SEX WITH YOUR MOTHER-” Richie said practically shouting in the busy hallway. Eddie’s eyes widened beyond all possibility as he slammed his hand over Richie’s mouth.

“Shut the fuck up, Jesus!”

Richie continued to speak through the hand muffled. He then licked a clean strip on Eddie’s hand resulting in the boy retreating in disgust and a bit of blush. 

“She was all over me Eds. Like actually I was stuck under her weight-“  Eddie shoved Richie into the wall completely fed up today.

Usually Richie’s attention seeking antics were, well, charming. But for some reason, Eddie felt as though everyone was watching him.

Watching them.

Babyfag.

“That’s so not fucking funny, it’s disgusting Richie! Don’t even paint that image in my mind-” Richie adjusted his glasses and smirked as he quickly countering back. Hel flung into Eddie so hard the boy flew to the ground.

Shit, richie you idiot!

“Oh fuck!” he said as he helped Eddie up quickly.

“Sorry dude.” He offered and dusted him off. Eddie just looked empty. Richie furrowed his eyebrows, confused.

He then did the only thing he knew, made a joke.

He pinched Eddie’s cheeks. “Good as new and handsome as ever!“

Eddie glanced all around, worried anyone would see and get the wrong idea.

Babyfag.

His face is angrier than usual. Richie quickly noticed his worry growing exponentially.

“Eds? I’m sorry, it was an accident. Let’s just go to-“

“Just fuck off don’t touch me!” Eddie screamed suddenly into Richie’s face.

Richie’s heart dropped. In any other scenario Eddie saying this would be a funny little rebuttal. But that look in his eyes. They looked… sad…

Richie had no clue what to say, a rare occurrence.

Eddie turned into his classroom, not looking back. His hand brushed over his inhaler, a thing that brought him comfort.

What the fuck just happened?

Richie thought.

And then the other day flashed into his mind.

R+E.

The other day at the bridge, had Eddie?

Richie walked off toward his Theatre class, not looking up once.

Chapter Text

A week before school began, Richie was crying alone near the kissing bridge.

It had all started when the glasses wearing boy ran into a girl from school. Richie was walking through the park on his way to meet some of the losers at the clubhouse. They only had a small bit of time before the beginning of junior year, so they tried to make the most of it.

Richie was deep in thought, deep in his own little world, as usual. He had been smiling to himself a bit, because of this cool new Green Day tape he just bought for his cassette player. He was planning on giving it to Eddie. I mean the band was okay in Richie’s eyes, but it was also Eddie favorite. In all honesty he would give up a hundred tapes to see Eddie’s eyes light up.

“Hey Richie!” The pretty girl shouted from a bench.

He recognized her immediately, a girl in their grade, Erica. She was pretty cool to talk with. Erica was Richie’s lab partner last year since he had no close friends in chem, and she would always laugh at his dumb jokes. 

He put on his usual, annoying, overbearing, and at times, Eddie would tell you exhausting, charm.

“What’s a pretty girl like you doing all alone on a summers day?” The dork asked adjusting his glasses and smirking.

In the most simple words, Richie truly loved attention, so he hoped to make her laugh.

Andddd, she giggled! Mission accomplished!

Richie sat next to her “How’s your summer been?” He asked.

“Fine. Me and Daniel Ross broke up at the start, so a lot of me time.” She said with a shrug, yet a smile still prevalent as she looked at Richie.

“Well his loss, honestly. He’s a weird guy though right? I’m pretty sure I saw him picking his nose in Algebra last year.” Richie made a gag noise, and Erica giggled again.

“You’re a weird guy to Richie” she said still laughing a bit.

Winner, winner! Keep the chucks coming!! Richie thought to himself.

“How come you don’t have a girlfriend Richie?” Erica asked giving him a playful shove.

He froze for a second, his mouth dry.

“Holding out for Sandra Bullocks.”

Richie quickly replied using the first female celebrity he could think of.  He nervously adjusted his glasses.

“Well what about me?” Erica asked blatantly and Richie’s heart sunk.

“W-what?”

“I mean, I think it’s kinda obvious that I like you. I sorta, well I sorta thought… Don’t you like me?” She asked confidently.

But as she read Richie’s expression, she slowly became more unsure.

“I-“ his eyes started to water.

FUCK. Do I make a joke? No, no dick move. I should just say I like her. Right But that’s terrible Richie, I can’t do that to the poor girl. I didn’t think she actually liked me! Fucking idiot! 

He thought frantically.

“I- Erica, I’m sorry I-“

“Why?!” She said cutting him off, suddenly angry.

Richie looked around hoping no one was nearby. It was just them, but that somehow felt worse.

“Why don’t you like me?!” She screamed. Her eyes started to water.

Silence from Richie. His legs shook, and his mind screamed why the fuck can’t you just be normal?

“I’m pretty! And I’m way out of your league! And I’m telling you to go out with me, and you’re saying no?!?!”

“It’s not that, it’s- I just-”

“Whatever, you’re probably just queer or something. I mean I’ve heard those rumors. I just didn’t think it was true, but now I know.” She said angry more than anything.

She stood and walked off, not meeting Richie’s eyes again.

Then he lost it. He cried.

Richie boys your age don’t cry! Man the fuck up! Chase after her, tell her it was a misunderstanding, that you like her, that you like girls! Hell kiss her! 

But instead he just cried.

“The rumors” that Richie had a different preference when it came to dating started forever ago. It was stupid and there were plenty of other dudes dealing with rumors like that in town. Hell Eddie Kaspbrak got called a fag more than he did sometimes. 

But for those other dudes it wasn’t real. For Richie it was real. He felt like everyone could see right through him. That they all knew his secret.

He quickly ran off towards the kissing bridge, his eyes red, his throat dry.

He sat down on the ground, hoping no cars would pass bye. They would see him and know his secret too.

Richie could stand up and keep walking, reach the barrens, reach the clubhouse, reach the losers. But he didn’t feel like going to the clubhouse anymore. 

Rich just wanted to hide here forever.

He then glanced up and saw it.

R+E.

He smiled.

Richie had carved that beauty in the summer of ‘89, and constantly came back to it on days like these.

He could never tell Eddie that the rumors were real, he could never tell anyone.

But this carving was his special thing. One little thing that expressed how he felt.

And if that’s what it took to keep Richie going, he would come back to this one thing as many times as needed.

He wiped his last couple of tears.

Eddie.

He then heard a voice

“Richie?”

EDDIE.

He quickly stood up and made sure his eyes were dry. It didn’t help much.

“Edward!” Richie shouted over enthusiastically.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He asked.

“Was about to crave your mom’s name into this bad boy” he said patting the bridge.

He quickly realized that had been a mistake. He was standing right next to the R+E.

Don’t say anything Eds. Don’t notice it. Don’t say anything Eds. Please.

“Shut up about my mom, she’s gonna hear you one day and you won’t be allowed at my house ever again. And she already reminds me of her distain for you every chance she gets.” Eddie rambled on and on as they started walking towards the clubhouse.

Richie still didn’t feel much like going, but he did love the losers. And he knew hanging out with them all would make him feel better. More normal.

As Eddie spoke Richie thought about the fact that he himself had garnered the nickname trashmouth from his ability to speak, yet no one ever got onto Eddie for his inability to shut up.

But it was okay because it was nice. Eddie’s smile was nice.

“She’s still pissed off about that and you know what I kinda am too-“

Eddie saw Richie’s red eyes.

“Were you crying??” He quickly said, reaching out to touch his face, concerned and confused.

Rich froze feeling the smaller boys touch. No matter how many times they hugged, or high-fived, or simply brushed against each other, Richie always got butterflies.

“No, no, I was uhm. I was smoking earlier.” Richie said wincing at his own stupid lie.

But Eddie’s hand dropped. He believed it.

“Dude you told me you quit weed.“ Eddie whispers the word weed and Richie’s heart melts. Jesus Christ he was so cute on accident sometimes.

“It was just the last time before a fucking year of hell starts.”

“Okay, yeah, fuck school, but c’mon don’t make me list out the medical problems it can kickstart, especially addiction! I told you and Beverly that nicotine was a gateway drug next thing you know you’ll be snorting lines-“ Richie cut off the shorter boy by pinching his cheeks

“So cute Eds, the ladies will be all over you this school year.” Richie teased and Eddie slapped his hand away.

“I told you a million times to stop that, if I get bullied this year, I’m blaming you!” Richie just looked lovingly at Eddie who was so red he could explode.

As they walked through the barrens Richie sang some song by Green Day, suddenly excited as he remembered the tape he had for Eddie in his back pocket.

Eddie smiled watching the wild boy who was far from mature sing and hop around in front of him. He giggled lovingly but then frowned. He secretly wanted to cry.
On the kissing bridge he had seen R+E. And at first he almost died of utter joy as he thought of the one possibility. Richie had definitely carved it for sure. But what if the E was for Eddie?

Richie+Eddie. 

But the two seconds of joy were crushed on the third when Eddie had a flashback to the sleepover at Bill’s house 4 weeks prior.

It had been Bill, Mike, Eddie, and Richie, watching some idiotic scary movie .

Eddie would occasionally hide his face in Richie’s shoulder as tension grew in a scene. Richie soaked it up. One jump scare caused Rich to scream out loud and grab onto Eddie’s arm. His hand lingered for the smallest second before the taller boy dropped it. “Sorry, you’d think after fighting a monster in real life I’d be fine but I fucking hate jump scares!” Richie said sighing in relief as the movie ended.

“Jesus Richie, don’t wet your pants.” Bill said and the boys laughed.

The boys ate candy and Mike brought up this one girl he met at an ice cream shop in town. Suddenly the topic of girls in general was brought up.

Eddie didn’t speak much, not really having anything to contribute and hating himself for it.

Richie spoke far too much overcompensating for what little he had to say.

“Okay, so if you had to pick a girl from school, who would you choose Rich?” Mike had asked innocently.

Richie responded immediately. “Erica Wilson is pretty hot. I mean she was basically secretly begging me to bone her all last year in chemistry.”

“That’s fucking disgusting” Eddie replied his face showing it.

“Oh I’m sorry Eds, I forgot you were a gentleman. She was secretly begging me to take her out to a nice dinner and the seal the night with a dainty kiss on the forehead.” Richie countered cracking Bill and Mike up. But Eddie wasn’t having it.

“Whatever” he said blushing.

Erica Wilson.

The E was without a doubt for Erica Wilson. Eddie tried to brush the thought away.

Richie+Eddie? How stupid could he be.

Of course it’s not for Eddie dumbass. Richie likes girls. He likes a girl. Erica.

Fuck.

He held back his tears as they neared the clubhouse.

“Hey bitches and Bev.” Richie said as he peaked his head through the trap door. It was a miracle the clubhouse was still in such decent shape after all this time. They, well Ben, had added some extra stability and decoration.

“Hey Trashmouth.” Bill said flipping him the bird with a warm smile.

“Hey Eddie” he then added seeing the anxious boy following Richie down the ladder.

All the losers were there today, an increasingly rarer and rarer occurrence as their lives got busier and bigger than the Barrens.

“Found this dickwad high on the way over here.” Eddie said annoyed, and propping a hand on his hip

“My hero” Richie jokes and slams down onto the hammock. It was an unsaid thing but that was Richie and Eddie’s hammock. Even though Ben had been the one to find it over by the dump with a single hole in it fourish years ago, it was the RichieEddie hammock.

”I thought you quit Richie” Stan said.

“God why are all of you suddenly like school spokesman sharing the dangers of drugs??” Richie rebutted, annoyed since he wasn’t even currently high, just a crying baby. The others laughed.

“We’re talking about what classes we’re taking this year.” Stan says with a smile. He was teaching Bev how to play chess, Mike watching entertained. Mike and Stan were amazing at chess. Richie himself couldn’t stand the game, though he was sure he’d be great at it if he could sit down and learn all the rules. But he’d rather overdose on some of Eddie’s pills than put himself through that.

Bill and Ben sat on this new mini inflatable couch Mike found the other day.

Richie groaned loudly and dramatically. “Fuck school, I can’t take another year.”

“Two years actually” Eddie reminds him, plopping down practically on top of the boy. 

Richie loved their hammock but unfortunately he’d recently been having dreams about this exact scenario. Skin on skin dreams. Not very PG dreams to spare the details.

He kicked Eddies feet off of his, the touch of his legs being far too much. So much skin, especially since the two had definitely outgrown this one person hammock.

The brunette made an annoyed face at Richie.

Why’d he knock my legs off? Was I being too obvious? too touchy?  Shit.

He pushed Richie hard with one foot and the freckled boy almost fell out.

The other losers continued to talk about the new school year ignoring the two idiots in the hammock.

“Don’t be so mean to me Eddie, or I won’t show you what I brought.”

“What a gun so I can shoot myself and never have to go to school again?” Eddie said and his serious face broke into a giggling one.

“Shit that was a good one! I didn’t know you had it in you!” But Richie did know Eddie was funny, they joked often that was their thing.

Richie laughed back pinching Eddie’s cheeks. 

He pulled away quickly.

Oh god. He really needed to stop pinching Eddie’s cheeks. But it came so natural, and he loved the reaction it provoked. Why was it so hard to stop? Why couldn’t he be normal?

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the cassette tape and a stupid asshole grin plastered on his face. “The band you told me you liked, Green Day, it’s their new album.” Richie said as he handed the tape to a beaming Eddie.

“Shit thanks Richie!” Eddie said excitedly. He then tried to act more casual.

“I can give it back before school starts-“

“Eh just keep it, they’re good but it’s not their best.”

Richie rambled acting cool but not able to meet Eddie’s eyes in fear of loosing that cool.

“Fuck really?”

Richie nods, and finally faces him.

“Thank you Richie, it’s real nice.” Eddie said looking earnestly into Richie’s eyes.

“Where’s my present trashmouth?” Bev chimes in from the chess table teasingly. Richie flips her the bird, and she reciprocates.

Eddie looked down at the gift a wide smile, a sparkle in his eyes.

A thought flashed into Richie Tozier’s mind.

He loved Eddie so much. So much.

Chapter Text

The school bell rang at the end of 7th period.

The loud noise startled Richie, who was deep in thought, and not at all worried about world history.

All day he had been replaying the words Eddie screamed.

“Just fuck off, don’t touch me!”

Jesus H Christ, what if the other day he really had saw the carving?

R+E

What if he discovered the truth? Richie’s secret…

He didn’t wanna lose Eddie.

“Richie.” Bill said, startling the other boy, who was deep in thought.

“I’m awake!” Richie reassured, way out of it, as he popped up to grab his bag.

“Are you still able to hang out?” Bill asked, holding a textbook. His stutter had decreased remarkably since the events of ‘89.

Richie nodded vigorously coming back to reality as they exited the classroom. His smile faded a bit as he remembered Eddie.

“But I don’t know if Eddie will wanna hang today. I think he’s kinda pissed at me.”

“Rich he’s always kinda pissed at you.”

“Yeah but this time is different.”

“How s-so?” Bill questioned, genuinely  concerned for his friend.

Bill is a real good guy. Richie thought to himself before shrugging.

He didn’t know how to answer Bill. The guy was truly his best friend. It’s not like he could just say, “I think he sorta kinda found out I’m in love with him, and now he sorta probably hates me, and will never talk to me again! And by the way now that you know, you won’t either!”

“It’s whatever. You’re right, he’ll get over it.”

Bill wanted to inquire more noticing Richie’s facial expression, but left it alone. Richie changed the subject nervously after a moment of silence.
He told Bill this wild exaggerated story of a girl who threw up in his theatre class.

“Still can’t believe you’re taking theatre, fucking nerd.” Bill joked.

“Laugh all you want, but I’m fucking incredible at it. The director lady thinks I’m hilarious, it’s great!” Richie defended smiling.

The two of them rushed out the school doors and towards the flagpole where the losers would meet occasionally if they were free after school. Ben Hanscom stood there talking to Beverly Marsh.

Stan had promised to help his dad with something after school, and Mike had been busy recently with the amount of farm work his pops was giving him, so it would just be the others today.

“Hey Ben! Hi Beverly.” Bill said, and blushed being around the shorter girl.

The two had dated, if that’s the word you would use, for a while after the events in ‘89. Bev ultimately decided she wanted to stay friends until she was ready to have a serious boyfriend. Boyfriend and girlfriend at the age of thirteen is incredibly different than boyfriend girlfriend at the age of sixteen. It was still obvious, to Richie at least, that Bill loved her. But Ben loved her too. Anyone with a brain could see the way Ben looked at her. It hurt made Richie nauseous to think about, because he understood that longing feeling all too well.

The four of them made a chatting circle as they waited for Eddie.

God he hoped Eddie would show. Not just due to the fact it would indicate everything was alright and Richie is overdramatized a situation in his head, yet again. But also because he could NOT be a fourth wheel to  these guys. 

Ben and Bill got along for the most part, but every once in a while there would be this unbearable tension radiating from the two. Richie felt bad for Bev. I mean from Richie’s perspective she was never really treated differently for being the only girl in their group. At first it was weird because the boys weren’t used to, well girls in general, but eventually she fit right in.

Richie could smoke with Bev and talk about stupid shit. Mike and her got on great talking about their hopes to move out of Derry. Stan’s dry humor cracked her up. And she thought Eddie was so adorable, though she wouldn’t say that to his face, he’d take it deeply to offense. 

But Ben and Bill liked her. They liked her a lot. So every once in a while it got real tense and Richie always wondered how that made Beverly feel. He wondered what if it felt good to be loved that much.

Richie sighed and looked around. That’s when he saw Eddie Kaspbrak’s backpack. The boy’s face was frowning. He simply turned right and kept walking.

He was going home.

“What the fuck Eddie’s bailing?” Richie exclaimed, pointing him out as he walked home.

The others stopped chatting and looked over.

“Maybe he just has a lot of homework or something?” Ben offers in his soft voice.

“It’s the second fucking day of school, Haystack. What the hell homework would he be doing? That little shit bailed on us!”

Bev tucked a piece of her short auburn hair behind her ear. “Relax Rich. His mom’s probably onto him about something, you know how she is.”

This was the perfect opportunity to make a mom joke, but Richie didn’t. He just stared after the direction Eds went, thinking.

Beverly added “You can just ask him what happened tomorrow. So c’mon are we gonna go hang out or what?”

“Okay, let’s go!” Bill said and “Yeah, c’mon!” Ben replied, both in agreement to Bev, forgetting all about Eddie.

Richie walked silently and a bit behind the others all the way till they reached Bill’s house. The other three noticed his ridiculously abnormal and untrashmouthy behavior.

Beverly looked back and then whispered to Bill “What’s wrong?”

“I think he’s upset about Eddie. He was saying he mad at him or something. I told him it was stupid but it is kinda w-weird Eddie didn’t show.”

“Trouble in paradise.” Bev teased with a smirk making Bill laugh.

All the losers had always kinda known Richie and Eddie’s relationship was different. It was more like Bill and Bev’s than Bill and Ben’s, and that was okay. They never really spoke about it, despite the occasional smirky comments, usually from Bev or Stan.

The five of them all just kinda knew, and accepted it as an unsaid thing.

Ben looked back to see the tall lanky boy staring at the ground. Weird.

Richie felt terrible. Eddie was definitely mad. He would probably definitely never talking to Richie again. Their friendship was ruined, wasn’t it? Eddie probably knew his secret, and he probably hated him for it. The boy he loved so dearly probably hated him. No he definitely hated him.

He could scream.

Once they reached Bills house Richie shook himself. He needed to stop thinking about this. So he pushed all the thoughts away. He didn’t want the others to notice his saddened demeanor. He needed to act normal.

The tougher things got, the funnier he became.

“Did you buy us any booze Big Bill?” Richie teased and slung an arm around his friend.

“You should stay away from alcohol, like forever Richie. I remember that night at the barrens. You’re terrible at handling your liquor!” Bev said laughing.

“S-shit you almost threw up on Stan!” Bill added laughing.

“Yeah yeah, well that’s what I call a damn good time. Beer and vomit, next time let’s invite lots and lots of girls. That’s my type of party!.”

“You’re disgusting Richie.” Bev complained rolling her eyes, still smiling and still giggling.

“Ben’s mom didn’t seem to have a problem with tha last night. She called me her dirty boy-”

“Beep beep Richie.” Ben said rolling his eyes, yet laughing.

But Richie didn’t beep beep and the four of them laughed their way all the way up to Bills room, where they played quite the competitive game of Parcheesi.

Eddie Kaspbrak walked home quickly. He wanted to shut his door and to slink into bed and never come out.

He grasped his aspirator tightly as he walked through the door. Not using it, but using the presence of it, the idea of it.

He was home. His safe haven. His mom would keep him safe.

“Hi mommy.” he greeted as he walked through the living room.

“Eddie-bear? You’re home early! You told me you were playing at Bills today-“

“I just wanted to come home.” He said shrugging. “And it’s not playing, it’s hanging out.” he complained and tried to walk away, hoping she’d lay off and let him escape to his room.

“You don’t feel sick do you? Let me feel your forehead-“

“No no, mommy please, I’m fine!” Eddie reassured.

He turned and planted a kiss on his mother’s forehead, leaving her content as he walked off to his room.

He slammed the door, dropped his backpack, and slumped to the ground. He put his head in his knees and just sat.

God he could scream.

He had way too many emotions flowing through his brain, and no fucking idea what to do with them.

In really simple words, he kinda just wanted to kiss Richie Tozier sometimes. But that was bad, right? And did that make him gay? He didn’t feel gay. He just really wanted to kiss this one boy.

Oh but he hated even to admit these feelings to himself.

And to make it worse he felt like everyone knew these stupid thoughts he was having.

Fucking Moose, calling him a “fagola” left and right. 

But Jesus Rich really had a nice smile. But that was bad to think. Right???

Maybe it would go away if he just stayed away from Richie.

The teasing too would maybe stop.

Oh, but he didn’t want stay away from Richie. He wanted to kiss Richie. And was that really so terrible?

Eddie Kaspbrak cried on the floor for the second time that day.

Chapter Text

That night each boy dreamed of the other.

Eddie figured he was going to be up all night overthinking, and stressing, and hating Derry, and hating himself, yet the second the asthmatic boy closed his eyes, he crashed.

Contrary, Richie took quite the while to fall asleep. But in all the time he wasn’t sleeping, he had made a decision. He needed to makeup with Edward Kaspbrak. Even though he didn’t officially know why Eddie was mad, and even though the reason the boy was avoiding him could be because he saw the carving and put the puzzle pieces together.

R+E

Richie needed to talk to him. To apologize, to beg him to stay his friend, to pray he won’t call him a freak. Richie Tozier just couldn’t live without Eddie Kaspbrak.

Eddie dreamt that night about the feeling of Richie’s skin against his own. It was something he would remember vividly when he awoke. In the dream they were alone in Richie’s room, just enjoying comfortable silence as they read some comics.

Richie had randomly turned to Eddie. “Can I kiss you?” Is all he said.

And Eddie broke the distance, fiercely. They entangled, Eddie grabbing Richie’s face as they kissed.

“Eddie I want you.” Richie whispered in the boys ear between kisses.

Eddie nodded desperately and Richie began to kiss his neck. Eddie would slide a hand under the freckled boys shirt, while his hands were enwrapped in the brunettes hair. They kissed till their lips were numb and then Eddie dream shifted to something completely random and non Richie related.

He couldn't tell you what the other dreams entailed however, he could  recall the thought of Richie’s lips against his own.

When the trash mouth had finally drifted, he had terrible nightmares about Henry Bowers. Specifically the time Bowers chased him out the arcade, shouting his secret to the whole world. That was probably when the rumors really started.

Richie also dreamt of this other time that really haunted him. Richie, Bill and Eddie, who were freshly sixth graders, had been walking in the park, when unbeknownst to the boys, Freshman Henry Bowers appeared on the path.

He was walking with a couple other guys, Belch, maybe Patrick, and got this brilliant idea to shove around the glasses wearing nerd, the stuttering freak, and the tiny asthmatic.

“Get out of my way fuckers.”

Henry spat laughing hard as he plowed through them, Richie face planting, Eddie falling hard over Bill. Bowers was planning to mosey away and relish in the annoyed grunts and confidence diminishment he has created, when he heard Eddie begin to cry.

It was a tiny muffled sound mixed with loud breathing, and a zipper, as he struggled to grab his inhaler.

The thing about Eddie at the time was that his mother had barricaded pain from him all his life. So when something like a scrape on the knee happened, it scared the shit out of little Edward.

Eddie now of course didn’t mind it. In fact he sort of secretly enjoyed every time he got a small cut that his mother didn’t notice. It was like a little secret rebellion.

In this moment however, Eddie cried. The draw of blood, the thoughts of infection, the worry of his mother’s reaction, and the pain. Jesus he just wasn’t used to feeling pain, even in a micro dose.

“Are you fucking crying?” Bowers said turning around his eyes so wide Richie thought they might explode.

Bowers seemed so angry and so amused at once. He really had his father’s eyes. Richie thought weirdly to himself as he imagined his creepo dad.  

“Grow up pussy.” Belch said shoving a sitting Eddie flat to the ground again, making his inhaler fall.

The bullies laughed hard, and Richie quickly soothed Eddie who was having trouble calming down as the laughing rang in his ears.

“It’s okay Eds just breath.” he whispered grabbing Eddie’s inhaler from the floor and steadying it in his mouth. He triggered it making direct eye contact with Eddie, hoping this would cause the boy to focus on Richie and not the three dicks ahead.

“Holy shit, why’re you acting like his fucking boyfriend, four eyes?” Bowers said laughing terribly.

Richie dropped the inhaler, and went to rebuttal, angry and not afraid to speak his mind. Luckily Bill stopped him, grabbing his arm and shooting him a look that said ‘It’s not worth it’.

Eddie gasped for breath and panicked reaching for his inhaler, using it again and feeling a bit more at ease.

Richie listened to Bill, deciding not to worsen the situation with his mouth. He removed his intense glare at Henry and directed it to the floor, frustrated.

The next words to leave Henry’s mouth never left Richie’s mind.

“That’s what I thought, faggot.” He said and walked off chuckling with his friends.

Richie was only eleven.

He’d heard that word a lot before, I mean it wasn’t uncommon, especially in a town like Derry. But this was the first time he had been called that word. It was used with so much intent, such fierce hatred and malice.

And when Richie went home that day, as he sat down to read a comic and realized he always hated the female love interests, the word rang again. And that’s when Richie first felt different in such an astronomical way, in such a small terrible town.

So alone and so so different.

In Richie’s sleep this memory was amplified by a million. He woke up in a cold sweat. He groaned and rubbed his eyes, groaning louder when he looked to his alarm and saw 3:43 AM.

In not too long he’d have to be brave and talk to Eddie.

Motherfucker why did he have to care for the boy so deeply? It’s all he could think about. Eddie.

He groaned for the third time, and laid back down, sprawled out on the bed, one of his feet dangling off the edge.

Richie tried to think of something happy.

One of his go to memories was the time, last summer, that Eddie had convinced his mother to let him sleepover at Richie’s. The two boys had spent the night a couples times at Eddie’s house, but for some reason Sonia just didn’t much like the idea of Eddie staying at Richie’s all alone.

Mrs. Kaspbrak wasn’t much a fan of any of her son’s friends. If she had to pick a favorite she’d probably say Stan. But I’m sure she could find some flaws if you asked her to. She could probably drone on and on about how it’s damaging to her Eddie-bear to be friends with anyone really. He just needed his mommy.

Now if Sonia had to pick a least favorite of the group it was undoubtedly, and not very surprisingly, Richie Tozier.

She assumed since the boy was so wild, his parents must be wilder, and for Eddie to sleepover in that atmosphere would just be nonsense.

Mr and Mrs Tozier were actually quite lovely if she ever got to meeting them. Not that she would ever meet them. She didn’t like much to leave the house.

The one time she has agreed to the sleepover, though Eddie did lie (which gave him a little thrill) and tell his mother Stanley was also sleeping over, had been one of Richie’s favorite days ever.

The boys drank soda, ate candy, read comics, watched shitty television, and crashed in Richie’s room at around four in the morning. It was the latest Eddie’s ever stayed up, because he really didn’t want it to end.

There was something so intimate about that night that Richie couldn’t really explain. Not necessarily in a touchy way but it was just so comfortable. So domestic. Different than any of their usual hangouts.

Richie likes to think about that. About how they slept so soundly in each other’s presence, despite it being four in the morning, and despite getting in trouble with Richie’s mother for being too loud (Richie made Eddie laugh so hard he snorted Coke out of his nose and that cracked the boys up for about ten minutes.).

Thinking about that night where to they could just soak in each other presence so unapologetically made Richie feel a ping of hope.

A sense of comfort and desire to keep that comfort. A desire to fight for that comfort. A desire to love. And a desire to fight to keep that love. To fight to be loved.

When Richie managed to fall asleep again, smiling as he reminisced, he dreamt that Eddie and him were dancing, terribly, but together.

He had his hands interlocked with Eddie’s. They laughed and smiled, not taking the dancing serious as they sang along to the song playing on the speaker. Some Green Day song.

The other losers were there. Beverly danced with Ben, and Stanley sat by the stereo with Mike and Bill singing along.

All of them laughed and talked and the least of their worries was the fact that Richie and Eddie were holding hands.

Eddies eyes sparkled beautifully as they met the taller boy’s.

Richie felt that those eyes make him feel so normal. So wonderfully normal.

Chapter Text

When Richie Tozier woke up that morning he quickly placed his huge glasses on his maturing face.

“Everything’s gonna be fine.” He told himself out loud, not really believing it. He groaned as he rolled over and fell out of bed.

“Motherfucker!” he exclaimed fighting with the bed sheets till he freed himself.

Richie quickly got dressed. He wore jeans, and a white t shirt with some weird red logo. When applying his deodorant, he paused a moment and reached for the cabinet. There was this very strong cologne his grandmother bought the boy last Christmas.

“Musky oak.” Richie read aloud.

He shrugged and sprayed it a bit coughing and recoiling to the scent.

“I smell like my dad.” he said to himself, cringing, as he grabbed his black Jansport backpack from the floor.

He turned to look in the mirror again. He adjusted his glasses and nodded.

“I’m fucked.” he whispered and walked out of his room slipping on his black vans.

Richie talked to himself often.

He walked into the kitchen yawning. His mother was already awake and his dad had left for work.

“Richard, you’re up early.” she remarked, smiling, as she poured some coffee.

“You walking to Stan or Bill’s?” Mrs. Tozier inquired.

Richie would occasionally show up to his friend’s houses before school to walk with them, or to practice if they had a project or something along those lines.

“Going to Ed’s house.” he said and popped a peice of bread in the toaster.

His mother nods, a knowing look.

“You want me to make you some eggs?” Mrs. Tozier asked.

“No, Im good. Have you seen my pre-cal text book laying around by chance-“

“You left it on the counter.” She said pointing to his right and rolling her eyes a bit.

“Thanks, mate.” Richie said in a terrible Australian accent as he grabbed the book and tossed it in his bag.

“Now I won’t have to borrow Eddie’s!” Richie said more to himself, staring at the toaster.

His mother could tell that Richard was deep in thought.

“Why’re you walking to Eddie’s? He’s a bit out of the way.” She said, sipping her coffee, as he now finally turned to face her.

Richie shrugged. He was planning to lie and say he just wanted to walk with Eddie to school, but he started talking and couldn’t stop.

“I… I need to talk to him. He’s been acting weird and I need to make sure he’s not mad at me.”

Richie adjusted his glasses nervously. He couldn’t wait to get contacts one day when he could afford it.

“Why would he be mad at you, Rich?” Maggie said gesturing for her son to sit down and talk to her.

Richie was hesitant, but then sat awkwardly looking down as he spoke.

“I dunno… I feel like I’m doing something wrong. I just really hope he still wants to be my friend.”

Is what he manages.

“Sweetie you’re a handful sometimes but you’re not a bad person. Why on earth would he not want to be your friend?”

“Well sometimes I think maybe I am a bad person.”

Maggie Tozier stared at her son, her heart breaking. She wasn’t entirely sure what this was about, but deep down she had an inkling.

“Honey, you’re not a bad person.” She scooted closer to him.

“No matter what you, or anyone else thinks or says. You’re a good friend, a good person. You’re loyal and funny, and sometimes a real asshole, but honey you’re not a bad person, okay?”

Richie slowly nodded and then looked up at his mother.

She smiled and pinched his cheek for a moment.

He smiled wider and swatted it away.

“Maybe you could invite Eddie on our next Wisconsin trip, though I doubt his bitchy mother would allow it.” She whispered the word bitchy with a smug smirk and sipped her coffee. 

“Mom!” Rich exclaimed a bit teary eyed.

He loved his mom.

She giggled. “Don’t tell Eddie I said that.”

“But she really is a bitch-“

“RICHARD. I’m allowed to use that language addressing adults because I am an adult. You are not, though you’re getting scarily close. Now get outta here before I have to yell at you.” She says smiling a bit still.

Her son was an idiot sometimes, but oh boy he reminded her of Mr. Tozier in his younger years.

She looked out the window as Rich stood and grabbed his toast.

She saw two birds sitting on the tree outside. They were pecking at each other for a moment and then stood still, leaning on each other.

For some reason it reminded Maggie of her son and his friend Eddie. She didn’t think much of it as Richie left the house.

Richie hummed some Green Day song as he walked along the sidewalk. Eddie’s house was a bit out of the way, but not too far. Though he really hoped Eddie hadn’t left for school already that would be one awkward interaction to walk towards each other in silence.

As if what he was about to do wasn’t already an awkward thought.

What was he gonna say?

He neared Edward’s house practicing how to say “Hi”.

Just don’t say “Eds”, or “Eddie spaghetti”, or any weird shit. He reminded himself.

It was so hard to control his fucking mouth. It loved to run and run and run. Today was going to be the day he caught up to it.

He rang the doorbell, praying Sonia Kaspbrak wouldn’t open it. they never really speak directly. And whenever they did, Richie’s jokes did not amuse her.
He’s never once garnered a pity laugh from Mrs. Kaspbrak.

Rich heard some talking, and after a long moment Eddie opened the door, peering out the crack before opening it fully.

“Richie?” Eddie asked surprised, his eyebrows furrowing.

“Hey Eddie.”

Richie said awkwardly.

“What’re you doing here?” Eddie asked his face remaining the same.

“Just wanted to walk with you to school. I was kinda worried that you didn’t show yesterday.” He responded shrugging.

“Okay, one second-“ Eddie said quickly and slammed the door on Richie’s face.

Richie waited, and waited, and after two minutes got bored and started drawing in the mulch with a stick.

Finally after about five minutes Eddie popped back out with his backpack and fanny pack.

“New fanny pack?” Richie asked a small smirk on his face.

“Fuck of, my mom got it for me for back to school.”

It was plain and gray and it made Richie smile.

The two started walking in awkward silence for a bit. This was a very rare sighting. The two always had something to say to each other and on the few in between times they didn’t, a comfortable silence took that place.

“I’m sorry-“ Richie began and at the same time Eddie started to say “Look, about yesterday.”

They both stopped and laughed.

Richie saw Eddie smile and was about to spill his guts. Apologize for carving his initial into the kissing bridge and beg him to stay his friend. But, before the trashmouth could talk Eddie started.

“I’m sorry I was being a dick and bailed on you guys… I just.” He paused a moment looking from the ground to Richie, and back to the ground.

“I was real upset about the whole Moose thing from earlier. I just… It’s stupid, but I thought he was finally gonna leave me alone this year. I mean I’ve grown, I don’t usually carry around my fanny, and he leaves Bill and some of the others alone now. And after the reality check yesterday I just didn’t feel like hanging out is all.”

Eddie of course didn’t mention the fact he also felt like he was being far too obvious about his love for Richie Tozier and felt the need to add some distance for his own sake.

It wasn’t Richies fault Eddie felt the way he did. He needed to stop pushing the guy away, and needed to suppress his own emotions instead. But Rich makes it so difficult sometimes. I mean he literally just showed up at his door first thing in the fucking morning.

Richie didn’t know what to say to this revelation from Eds.

“Oh fuck really?”

He looked down then back up.

”I kinda thought you were mad at me.” He said, looking at the smaller boy concerned. 

“Why didn’t you tell me the bullying was bothering you so much? I feel awful.”

Eddie heart began to beat faster. Rich really did care a lot about him. He shoved the thought away.

“I mean I didn’t wanna sound like a pussy…” he offered making a strange face.

“Dude you kicked a child murdering clown in the fucking face at thirteen years old. I don’t think you can ever get ranked back to pussy status after reaching that level of fucking awesome.” Richie said and blushed a bit after he registered his own words. He just talks and talks, doesn’t he?

Eddie smiled widely at Richie’s compliment.

“Thanks Rich.” is all he managed and the two walked on. There wasn’t much else to discuss. Eddie had figured as long as he could keep his feelings under wraps all was well and he could continue his friendship with Rich. Richie had thanked the lord when he figured Eddie didn’t know shit about the carving and was perfectly happy with being good old friends. He’d take anything as long he could continue to see the boy.

The two walked on discussing Eddies birthday as it was coming up soon. Richie got straight back to his self as they talked. All his stress the night before seemed for nothing.

Eddie blushed as his hand grazed Richie’s for a split moment as they walked. His dream from the night before flashing in his brain.

Skin on skin…

“Seriously though, we should do something cool down at the barrens. We hooked up those lights outside of the clubhouse for Ben’s party, and that was cool as fuck. Though this time, I’m getting a shit ton of beer, just for you Eds-”

“Dude I don’t even drink.”

“Yeah, yeah. But I’ll drink double in your honor.”

Eddie laughed.

“You talk a lot of shit, but you’re a light weight Richie.”

Richie rolled his eyes “I’m sorry I’m not taking any shit from the alcohol virgin.”

“Not true! I had a beer that one time-”

“You had a quarter of one and acted like you were the shit-“

“No the fuck I didn’t! That’s stupid, drinking’s stupid, I wouldn’t do that-“

Suddenly Eddie’s words were cut off by a figure appearing. Neither boy had noticed.

“Babyfag and four eyes, what a pair.” Steve ‘Moose’ Sadler says, peering down at them.

Two friends of his, that Richie couldn’t tell you the names of, stood beside him laughing.

They were walking out of a convenience store with stolen cigarettes, and some sodas, when of course they happened to notice the two boys on their way to school.

“Let’s fucking get em.” Moose had told his idiot friends, who happily nodded along.

And now they had the boys cornered. Eddie gave Richie a worried look and held tightly to his stupid gray fanny pack, feeling a bit at ease with the knowledge he had his inhaler and Richie both at arms length.

Moose was planning to shove Eddie around for a bit, (The whole bullying thing gave the meathead quite a power surge.) when he suddenly remembered something he heard the day before from one of his friends. He turned to Richie.

“Oh shit, maybe I should be calling you babyfag.” he said grinning.

“What the fuck are you talking about dickhole? I’m not the one who smokes a pack a day so my voice has a bit of edge to hide the fact my balls haven’t dropped yet.” He said sharply, taking a step forward.

Moose completely ignored it.

“Don’t change the subject fucknuts. I heard what that girl Erica was saying about you. Is it true you suck dick, Tozier?” He said with a devilish grin as he stepped forward.

Richie’s face went pale. He didn’t have anything smart to respond with.

“Woah, I finally found a way to shut you up fucker. Guess I touched a nerve? So it’s true? You turned her down because you suck dick?”

Richie stared at the ground the world around him becoming blurry. He wanted to run away. And then he remembered Eddie was right next to him hearing this all. He didn’t dare to look at Eddie, he was ashamed. He felt like everything good they had just got tossed away by this fucking bully. This stupid fucking bully.

Eddie however was focused a lot more on the name Moose had dropped.

Erica.

The girl he had assumed Richie liked. Well the one Richie out loud admitted to liking.

But then Steve Sadler had just said Richie rejected her. Why would Richie reject Erica if he liked her? And why would Richie not tell all the losers about the fact a girl asked him out?

And then a beautiful clarity hit Eddie Kaspbrak.

What if the E in the carving really had been for Eddie?

And that little sliver of hope was all he needed. He was going to fight for it. Fight to love. Fight to be loved.

“Fuck off!” Eddie suddenly said as the bully faced off a scared Richie.

“What did you say to me?” He said turning to tower over Eddie. Moose assumed the boy would back down as soon as he turned to him.

“You heard me.” Eddie spat, a look of pure anger. 

If Richie really did like Eddie than Eddie knew exactly what Richie was going through. How terrible it felt to be called out. How alone he must feel.

“Holy shit I didn’t even think you could speak, freak.” Moose said, amused.

But Eddie wasn’t.

“Fuck off! Grow up in fact. Grow the fuck up. You’re just an ugly ass, motherfucking, bully, and that’s all you’ll ever be.” He spewed angry, puffing his chest.

Moose wasn’t smiling anymore.

“You want me to bash your face in, you little shit?”

“I fucking dare you.” Eddie said, Richie watched in astonishment.

Eddie noticed the convenience store clerk was watching from the window. If things got too serious the guy might step in and threaten to call cops or something. This reassured Eddie a bit. But honestly he didn’t even care much. He was happy with himself. He never felt so free standing up to this asshole. He felt like he was fighting more than just one bully. He was fighting for something much greater.

Moose then punched Eddie square in the nose, Eddie wavered then fell. As Eddie fell he still had this stupid proud look on his dace. Richie reacted immediately shoving Moose hard.

“What is your fucking problem, dickhead?!” He exclaimed ready to punch this dude.

Richie was very lanky and had awkward movements, but he had strength when he needed to. And Moose wasn’t even much taller than Rich, though he definitely had a lot more mass on him. 

“I’m gonna kill you and then your little boyfrie-“

Richie started to throw a punch when he felt a gust of wind. An object flew past him, hitting Moose square in the nose.

A rock. Richie thought immediately, and had flash backs to the great rock war from the summer.

As he turned his head he realized it wasn’t actually a rock, but a chunk of broken concrete from the ground that Eddie had been lucky enough to find after his fall.

Richie saw Eddie who had blood pouring down his nose. The boy stood with an armful of concrete amo and an angry fucking face.

Richie smiled widely.

“Right in the face, way to go Eds, dick shot next!” He screamed crazily and the two friends of Moose made eye contact and mutually decided their nuts weren’t worth sacrificing. They ran off.

Moose angrily pushed Richie to the ground and lunged after Eddie trying to grab him, but Eddie was fast and Moose was slow and as Eddie moved out of the way Richie grabbed the bullies slow leg and held it till he fell over himself into a horrible, angry mess.

Richie stood smiling triumphantly as he made his way next to his friend. They watched proudly as moose stood slowly. He made a move to lurch forward, but thought better of it as Eddie threw a piece of the concrete that hit him in the shoulder.

He gave them one last look before walking off, all his dignity pouring out his bloody nose.

A bleeding Eddie sat on the concrete, laughing to himself as he dropped the amo.

Some girl from school walked past the two boys giving them a weird look at they sat there catching their breathes. They didn’t mind.

The convenience store bell rang and the owner appeared from the door. He turned his head and shouted at the boys.

“You boys get the hell outta my area or I’ll call the cops!” He shouted and Richie and Eddie stood. They bolted laughing hard as they ran off to a nearby alley.

They sat down throwing their bags to the side, giggling and still panting from the adrenaline.

“Jesus, like that guy couldn’t have stepped in when the fourth year old looking motherfucker was trying to kill us dweebs? Jesus!” Richie exclaimed still laughing wildly.

“That was fucking awesome Eddie.” Richie then said. He turned to the boy and hugged him for a long time.

Eddie soaked this in. Every second of it. His hope fueled more by the second.

“Shit that felt good to hit that fucker right in the nose.” Eddie said as they released from the hug.

“But seriously, thank you. You saved my ass.” He said then started to remember the things that were said.

“I mean I don’t even know what Moose was talking about, but it was so frustrating, that dickwad just makes stuff up.” Richie said his tocuh lingering on Eddie’s shoulder as he tried to explain what Moose had been saying.

“Rich, I don’t care, really I’m just happy we got that fucker good.” He said and stared lovingly at Richie. He had the sudden urge to kiss the freckled boy but suppressed it with all his might.

“Oh shit my mom’s gonna kill me.” Eddie said suddenly as he felt the nose. But instead of frowning or even reaching for his inhaler he just stared at Richie and busted out in laughter.

Richie suddenly reached over and grabbed the rim off Eddie’s bloody shirt. He lifted it up and started to pull it over the boys head.

“WOAH- What’re you doing!?”

Richie hadn’t even registered how this might be taken.

“Helping, numbnuts. Don’t get your panties in a twist.” Richie said an annoyed face as if it was obvious.

He held Eddie shirt in a crumbled ball and placed it to his nose tightly.

He finally blushed as he realized what he had done so casually.

Eddie had medical gauze in his fanny pack but he figured this would do just fine, for selfish reasons.

“Hold this.” he said and then reached for his bag. He pulled out a blue hoodie and tossed it to Eddie.

“Just give it back later.” he said and scooted to lean against the wall, staring straight ahead as to avoid ogling at the shirtless boy next to him. Eddie hugged himself as he waited for the bleeding to stop, feeling very vulnerable. The darkest shade of pink was surrounding his face.

Once the bleeding finally slowed down, Richie used Eddie’s water bottle to help wash off any dry blood. Eddie threw on Richie’s hoodie, his face warm to the touch.

He wore his usual pout with a small smirk to it. He couldn’t help but noticed how Richie flushed immensely as well.

The hope continued to grow.

“Shit, do you think we’ll be late?” Eddie asked as he threw on his backpack, and stood.

“Who cares.” is all Richie said as he looked at his badass friend who he loved.

“Well I care-“

Richie threw an arm around the brunette and gave him a noogie.

“Eds you’re my hero." he said, not an ounce of joking in his voice.

“I’m gonna kick your ass myself if we get tardy’s, c’mon.” He said and grabbed Richies hand for a split second as they walked out the alley. Eddie quickly let go after a they exited the private area, but in that one quick second of hand holding he found all the reassurance he needed.

He was quite sure there might be some a change of reciprocation from Richie Tozier. And he wasn’t gonna live life without ever trying to figure it out. When the time was right Eddie was going to confront him.

I mean fuck it. If he could stand up to Moose Sadler, he could handle this. He could handle the amount of assholes that would make his life more difficult for the simple fact of liking a boy. He could confront his feelings head on instead of hiding them, afraid of them.

He wasn’t going to let fear rule him. He had hope, and that was enough.

Eddie was ready to fight to love. To be loved.

The two boys arrived at school just on time.

“See ya spaghetti man.” Rich said with a wink before walking off towards his theatre class.

Eddie waved silently before walking towards pre-cal. He felt safe wearing the taller boys hoodie, so safe.

Richie turned back to glance at Eddie. Words from earlier rang in his brain. When Richie had tried explaining how the rumor Moose was talking about was made up Eddie had said he didn’t care.

Eddie didn’t care if it was made up or not.

Richie smiled giddily and walked to class.

Eddie sat down right as the bell rang. All he could think about was the fact that he was so in love and it finally felt good to admit it. He wanted to tell Richie. He needed to tell Richie. Because now there was a chance Richie might feel the same.

R+E

And Eddie was willing to fight for that chance.

Chapter Text

A week had passed and Eddie still hadn’t returned Richie’s hoodie.

It was a Saturday afternoon when the boy arrived at Bill Denbrough’s house for a sleepover that the losers club had been planning for weeks. This was the first time in a long time they were all free. Bill’s parents were out of town for two weeks so this was prime opportunity. Beverly had to lie to her aunt, whom she’s been living with since her father’s ‘incident’, and said that she was spending the night at a girl friend’s house.

Eddie wore Richie’s light Blue hoodie with a white and green stripe on it, and a pair of un matching, red pajama pants. Bill opened the door and smiled fondly.

A terrible habit of Bill’s was unconsciously babying Edward in his mind. This, he would never tell anyone, but out of all the losers Eddie was the most like a brother to him. Sort of like a younger brother. Sort of like Georgie in certain ways. Like the way he felt the need to protect him. But this was a bit of a stupid feeling, Bill always reminded himself. There wasn’t much of a height difference anymore, and Eddie had always been one of the fiercest members of the group. Yet there Eddie stood and as Billy waved a weird thought flashed into his head, and he envisioned what Eddie would look like as an adult. And then Bill strangely thought to himself, he couldn’t lose another bother…

“Hey Bill.” Eds greeted walking in with a big backpack on his back, and a gray fanny pack buckle over the hoodie.

“Why’re you late?” Bill questioned, not rudely just curiously, his previous weird vision and thought vanishing quickly as if it never occurred.

“My ma held me up, you know how she gets.” Eddie said shrugging.

“She said I can’t have peanuts because she heard you can develope the allergy later in childhood, but I doubt you’d even have peanuts here so I don’t even know why she brought it up, but she’s fully convinced she has a nut allergy or something. I dunno she spoke for a very long time and I started getting-“

“Funny, cause if your mom has a nut allergy I wonder why she didn’t have an allergic reaction last night when she was sucking my-“

“Beep beep Richie!” Bill and Eddie shout at the same time, shading a look of utter disgust. Eddie and Bill glance to the other and then burst out laughing.

“Yeah, okay beep beep me just to laugh at my fucking hilarious joke-“

“Shut up Richie.” Beverly remarked with a smirk as the other losers walked down the stairs towards the front door.

“Oh god, you’re breaking my heart Beverly.” Richie suddenly exclaimed throwing an arm around her and messing up her hair with his free hand.

Richie teased Bev like this often, and Eddie would be lying if he said it didn’t bother him a bit, even though he knew Richie didn’t like her like that.

“Stop it, idiot.” she said in an annoyed tone while still smiling.

“Why’re you late Eddie?”

Mike asked Eds standing next to Ben.

Eddie rolled his eyes and the group started to walk towards Bills room, Bill leading the way. Ben walked behind him talking to Stan, Richie followed with an arm still around Beverly’s shoulders, and Mike and Eddie continued to speak in the back.

“My ma, you know how she is, ‘bring this Eddie, don’t do this Eddie’. You guys are lucky I’m even allowed to be here!”

“If that’s the word you would use”

Stan teased back dryly and the others giggled.

“Isn’t that Rich’s jacket?” Mike asked Eddie as they entered Bills room.

Eddie blushed embarrassed. He didn’t think anyone would noticed. He sorta secretly enjoyed The idea of wearing it. It was like he wanted to show off that he was wearing Richie’s hoodie. That Richie  gave him his hoodie. But at the same time he would never voice this out loud. He quickly brushed it off.

“Oh shit, yeah. I haven’t given it back to him yet from when fucking Moose tried killing us.”

Bill sat on his bed with Beverly, Stan sat on the wheely chair, while the rest sat on the ground forming a sorta circle.

Mike nodded. He had a feeling Eddie wasn’t completely telling the truth. He smiled a bit.

“He hasn’t bothered you since, right?“ Mike asked curious. The others who were beginning their own side conversations quieted down and started to listen to Eddie, intrigued.

“Yeah, I actually think I scared him off pretty good.” Eddie said proudly. Richie was planning on jumping in now and making a joke but he stopped himself. This was Eddie moment. He smiled fondly at the boys happy expression.

“I still can’t believe that happened, I fucking threw a chunk of cracked sidewalk at him! Shit was outta a movie!” Eddie laughed.

“And now he’ll finally fuck o-off.” Bill said amazed but not surprised by Eds actions.

“You guys shoulda been there it was awesome, I completely froze up and then WHAM!” Richie throws his hand in Ben’s face stopping right at his nose, making the poor boy flinch.

“Shit, don’t do that.” Ben said pushing Richie’s hand away before he continued talking.

“Thank you, really dude” Richie said again suddenly.

Eddie blushed immensely.

There was a moment of silence, where Eddie and Richie sorta just looked at eachother. And then conversation started again.

The group played some parcheesi, Bill and Stan were yellow, Eddie and Beverly were red, Ben, Mike and Richie played green. (Beverly and Eddie completely dominated competition twice in a row. (Richie did flip the board.))

After Richie was a poor sport the losers started to watch some stupid movie. About halfway through Beverly went outside to take a smoke break. Richie followed suit.

Eddie watched as they went out the back door and sat nicely on the porch. He suddenly felt the urge to pick up smoking just so he could follow Rich out there. He giggled to himself at the idea of an asthmatic smoking before turning back to the movie.

“That’s your hoodie right?” Bev asked, nodding towards inside slyly, as she handed Rich a cigarette. He blushes a bit, caught off guard.

“Yeah, why?”

“Just asking.” Bev said and shrugged, lighting her cigarette.

Richie lit his and took a deep inhale. Bev noticed he was a bit in his head. Not as erratic at usual. a beat of silence passed.

“You know,” she finally spoke “if you ever need to talk Rich, I’m right here.”

Rich raised an eyebrow at the pretty ginger, confused. Huh? 

“I know, we talk a lot, we’re talking right now-“

“Richie-”

“I’m just saying, I don’t know why you would think I need someone-“

“Richie-”

“to talk to when we talk all the time I mean what’re you trying to say-“

“Richie, shut the fuck up!”

He finally does.

“I just want you to know I love you no matter what, okay?” She said quietly meeting his shocked eyes. She then leaned her head on Richie’s shoulder.

He looks out at the sky confused.

What is she saying? Does she…know? And is she saying she’s okay with it?

He thought hard and long and then he felt her start to rub his arm and he stopped thinking too much about it. Bevy loved him and that’s all he needed to understand. He soaked in her warmth, feeling utterly loved by his friend.

“Right, thanks.” he says quietly smiling. 

“I love you Beverly.” He whispers into her hair.

Hours pass and the dark evening sky turns to a black quiet one.

The group had finished a movie, ate some candy of course, and talked and laughed for hours. They played stupid games like truth or dare where Mikey had to eat a spoonful of yellow mustard, and Richie had to prank call a random number with the old refrigerator running line.

It was around two in the morning when almost everyone had fallen asleep. Beverly lay on Bill’s bed alone since the guys were so gentlemanly (she had to push Richie off). Stanley was tucked perfectly in a sleeping bag he brought that reminded Richie of a boy scout going camping, Mike lay next to him comfortably, with a huge blanket he brought, Ben was lying against a bean bag, and Bill was on the floor next to him face first on a pillow. Eddie sat with his back against the wall next to Richie, his eyes were heavy and he was tired.

“Do you wanna go sleep on the couch?” Richie offered as he saw Eddie’s hesitation to lay on the floor.

“Or maybe Bill has an air mattress-“ Eddie shushed Richie loudly with a stern face, and then the two giggled even though nothing very funny happened.

“Don’t wake them up. It’s fine, just can’t tell my mom I slept on the floor.” Eddie said yawning. His eyes were determined and sleepy, sorta secretly feeling rebellious again his mother for something so stupid. He took off Richie’s hoodie to reveal a plain white and red t shirt under it. Eddie placed the hoodie on the carpet like a pillow and laid down grabbing a nearby blanket.

“You’re not tired?” Eddie asked looking back up at Richie who was against the wall. Rich shrugged.

“Well, shit I’m going to sleep. G’night Rich.” Eddie yawned the last part, kinda sad he was too tired to stay up with Richie.

“Good night Eds.” Richie whispered softly watching Eddie finally close his heavy eyes.

“Don’t call me that…” he murmured as he drifted off.

 Richie sat there not very tired, instead doing a lot of thinking about what Beverly Marsh had told him. She would love him no matter what. That felt real nice.

He quietly thought to himself that he would love Eddie no matter what.

Richie was getting closer and closer to excepting himself for loving Eddie. It was something he’d been struggling with for so long.

But the fight against Moose, Eddie told Rich he didn’t care if the rumors were true. That made him feel a whole lot better. Less like a freak.

The worst part of all of this now was the fact Eddie may not like him back. And that was okay, Richie decided. Because loving him right now was enough. Eddie didn’t hate Richie and that was real nice.

But for some reason Rich started to feel his eyes water as he glanced over at a sleeping Eddie. There’s something so vulnerable about sleeping. Richie leaned over a bit and noticed the little details. His hair, his very lightly tinted cheeks, his eyelashes. The very small tiny hairs started to grow on his chin. He promised himself he’d try to lay off on the pinching cheeks but he was just sleeping, and putting a bit, and so adorable. Richie reached his hand out to tuck a stray price of his slightly curled hair behind his ear.

And then the tear fell.

“Fuck.” is all he whispered and suddenly had to leave the room as it felt much too cramped in here.

He ran out the room and to the nearest space, which happened to be Bills bathroom. It was very clean. Bill must have cleaned it before they came over, maybe for Beverly, Richie thought to himself and that made him feel worse for some reason as he slumped down into the bathtub. He rested his head against his knees as he hugged them tightly.

And he cried.

And boys his age aren’t supposed to cry but oh Richie was crying.

And he felt so stupid for crying over something he couldn’t control.

Scared. He felt very scared. And alone, very alone.

And then he heard the door creak open.

“Richie?”

Fuck, it was Eddie.

It was always Eddie, wasn’t it?

“Why’re you in the bathroom…?”

“ ‘M fine” Richie mustered embarrassed, and stopping the crying immediately, which was very hard to do, tears still fell just now silently.

Concern swept Eddie body instantly, was he crying?

He let himself in and slowly approached the tub.

“Can I uh.. can I come in?” he asked awkwardly.

Richie didn’t respond or look up, embarrassed. This was probably the most vulnerable Richie had ever seemed. He didn’t even try to make a joke or anything he just hid.

Maybe the joking was equivalent to this, to hiding, Eddie thought, and that made him sad.

He stepped into the tub, holding an blanket, and sat across from Richie.

“I thought you were sleeping” Richie said shakily.

“I was but I felt something touch my hair, maybe I was dreaming, but anyway, I opened my eyes and I noticed you were gone. I thought maybe you went to sleep out on the couch so I was gonna go check but then I heard noise from the bathroom.” Eddie blabbered.

“What’s wrong Rich…?” Eddie asked quietly after a beat.

Richie still couldn’t look up. Eddie kept talking.

“You shouldn’t be embarrassed for crying, you know. I mean we all cry, even Big Bill, it’s just fucking normal. Shit if crying made you a baby I’d be the biggest baby ever.” 

Richie felt slightly better that Eddie wasn’t judging him. But he still couldn’t look up.

“I know you don’t like talking like this about, I dunno, sensitive stuff, but dude I’m here to talk to, okay? You’re gonna make me feel like shit right now if you just expect me to leave and let you cry in a fucking bathtub.”

Richie slowly glanced up. His glasses were terribly fogged from the crying. Eddie grabbed them off his face, like it was a muscle reflex and began to clean them with his shirt. There was comfortable silence with the occasional sniffle from Richie as Eddie cleaned the glasses. He thought for a couple of seconds before his mouth just started moving.

“Do you ever feel different?” He said and looked up to Richie who looked so vulnerable. His eyes puffy, his nose red and running, his face missing his iconic huge glasses, and an ever so slightly willing to open up expression.

“W-what?” Rich responded, as he handed him the glasses. Eds had a half smile half frown.

“Do you ever feel…different?” he repeated again hugging his knees.

Richie thought for a moment unsure what really he meant. But he did feel different, maybe not in the way Eddie was leading on, but nevertheless yeah, different.

“I mean I think everyone feels different sometimes.” Richie finally responded, frowning, but now meeting Eddie eyes fully, with his newly cleaned glasses.

God even though it was dark the small details he could make out were precious to him. And suddenly the moment became all the more surreal. Here he was with Eddie in a bathtub at Bill’s house at three in the morning. He almost wanted to giggle. Oh how Eddie could always make him feel better. But then Eddie spoke again and it made Richies heart drop a bit.

“I’ve been feeling real different recently…” he said looking from Richie to the ground. Eddie went to say more than he stopped. Richie didn’t know what to say.

“Richie… do you like me?”

Richie just stared. Was this really happening? What was he supposed to say? He wanted to throw up suddenly.

“Do you mean like-“ Richie began but Eddie cut him off.

“I do mean, like, like like.”

Eddie couldn’t believe he was doing it. But he knew he had to. And so he kept going.

“Well cause my problem is I like you a real lot Rich.” Eddie said looking from the ground to Richie.

“But it’s really scary.” He mustered up and suddenly his eyes were watering, and his voice was breaking.

“But I decided I’m okay with it being scary, because I guess that’s life. And I really do, I love you Richie.”

Richie readjusts his glasses.

“Motherfucker, really?”

Eddie nodded desperate for a response, or a signal at least.

“Shit, for real?”

“Yes Richie!!” Eddie finally exclaimed and then the two giggled and sniffled bit.

“I…”

Oh it was so difficult for Richie to say.

“I like you.” He finally said, and never felt more free. “I like you a real fucking lot.” he voiced with a half laugh half cry. Eddie joined in on this half laugh half cry.

Neither of them could believe that this was actually happening.

“I love you and it’s weird because I don’t like myself much for it, but then I think for a second about how perfect you are, and I don’t get how anything bad could come from something so good.” Richie explained suddenly pouring out all his emotions.

This really was real. He was confessing to his best friend. His best friend was confessing to him.

He reached out and tucked the same loose curl from earlier behind Eds ear, except this time while looking into his eyes. How can so much fear and so much love exist at once?

“But loving you is scary Eds.” Richie spoke again and his smile dropped a bit and his eyebrows furrowed. He stopped himself from crying because he didn’t want to frighten Eddie who was just staring at him lovingly.

“But that’s life.” Eddie repeated again, nodding as if to convince Richie and himself.

“And I don’t wanna be afraid anymore because you make me happy, okay?” Eddie reassured , looking up to him hopefully.

“Shit you really do, you love me?” Richie asked for the third time. And Eddie exploded.

“Yes you idiot don’t make me fucking say it again!”he exclaimed pouting.

And Richie never loved him as much as he did in this moment. In Bill’s bathtub, getting yelled at about how he was loved.

Richie giggled and thought and then spoke.

“If you like me back then that’s how I know maybe this is all okay, because you’re perfect Eds. Your inhaler, your Green Day, your ability to out talk me some times. I’ve loved you forever and I won’t stop for like,  ever.”

They soaked in each others gaze for a long moment.

“God this is so gay.” Richie broke the silence chuckling.

“Way to ruin the moment rich-“

“Oh, you love me, Eds”

“I do…”

”and you love when I call you Eds-”

”I…m not answering that.”

And then Richie cupped Eddie face and they both leaned in slow and afraid. But the second their lips met they felt reassured, and loved. And everything was okay. They kissed slowly, and passionately before parting.

“I gotta get us alone in a bathroom more often.” Richie teased smirking and Eddie rolled his eyes, softly pushing Richie’s face away.

Their smiles only grew as the two stayed up talking for quite some time. Eventually Eddie got perfectly comfortable, lying his head against Richie’s chest, being lulled to sleep but the sound of Richie’s voice.

Richie’s back hurt like a motherfucker in the cramped space, but he took it like a champ as to not wake a slowly falling asleep Eddie.

As he drifted off,Richie kissed his forehead and smiled.

How could he ever have been afraid to love Eddie Kaspbrak?

Around five in the morning Stanley Uris woke up to take a piss. He opened the door to Bill’s bathroom and was greeted with his two friends entangled in the tub. He closed the door and used the downstairs bathroom instead, never mentioning a thing as everyone woke up.

Chapter Text

A week had passed, and Richie and Eddie  agreed to keep this thing between them to, well, themselves. However, this was proving to be increasingly difficult, as they started to overthink every touch, every look, and every comment. Had they always been this touchy before?

Luckily none of the losers seemed to notice, or at least make any comments about noticing, as the two boys secretly made excuses to be constantly together.

Richie was still having a bit of difficulty, when it was just them one on one, using the word “boyfriend”, but he was sure he would get there.

It was a Saturday, and coincidentally, Eddie Kaspbrak’s seventeenth birthday. Edward spent the day up at his Aunt’s house, while later around afternoon the losers began to set up a party in the barrens. Beverly and Ben tried making a cake, though the “Eddie” in “Happy Birthday Eddie” looked more like “eddle”. Mike helped Bill set up some cool lights that they had to hook up to a generator. Bill also brought some blankets to lay out on the grass. Stan the man had brought age-appropriate drinks while Beverly Marsh brought not-so-age-appropriate drinks. Everyone in group met up in the barrens with presents, everyone except Richie, who’s job was to pick up the birthday boy.

Before he left his house, Rich’s mother tried talking with him as she neatly folded some laundry .

“So you and Eddie are good now, right?”

“Yes mom. I told you, we didn’t even have a fight, just a…  misunderstanding…?” He offered, annoyed and wanting to leave, as he was already late.

“Okay, okay, can a mother not ask her son a question?” She sassed back at his dry response.

Richie rolled his eyes.

“You know, you’re a real good friend for buying him that Cassette Player.” She said, a simple enough statement, though there was a lot more to it.

“I’m wonderful, we know this.”

“Don’t make me take it back, smart ass.” She said and then began to talk more seriously “I’m just happy you have a friend that makes you happy.” She said smiling, she then waved goodbye, and got onto Richie about driving safe and not smoking.

“…Right, yes, Goodbye mom!” He stuttered for a second almost saying more but then quickly left.

Richie showed up to Eddie’s house in his best Hawaiian shirt, and a pair of new jeans. His dad decided to let him take the car out for the night, so he flashed the keys proudly in Eddie’s face as the boy opened the door.

“No fucking way I’m getting in that car.” Eddie said and crossed his arms, making an unyielding face. He wore a yellow shirt and jeans. 

“Dude-“

“Don’t call me dude, you’re late-“

“Eds-“

“And don’t call me Eds!”

“Babe-“

Eddie blushed profusely and covered Richie’s mouth with his hand.

“Dude, my mom’s gonna fucking hear you!” he half whispered-half screamed, shutting the door quickly and stepping against Richie.

Richie grabbed the hand and put it down, freeing his trash mouth.

“Eds don’t worry, I know it’s kinda awkward because your mom’s my ex and Ive upgraded to her son-“

Eddie’s angry and serious face finally broke he pushed the taller boys face away, and let out a small chuckle.

“You’re an idiot. Let’s go.”

He opened the front door and shouted “I’m going out ma, don’t wait up.”

“Did you bring your bug spray? And your inhaler, don’t forget your inhaler! You know-“

“Yes, and yes. Love you mommy-”

“Be careful Eddie-bear, and don’t let those boys peer pressure you into doing any-“

Eddie shut the door.

“Let’s go.”

Richie bit his tongue to keep from making any mom jokes, which was quite difficult, but he powered through for Eddie’s sake. The two boys got into the car, Eddie taking extra care to make sure his seatbelt was fastened tightly.

“Shit calm down, I’m not gonna explode this thing.” Richie gestured to the car amused but also slightly offended .

“It’s not just you Rich, do you know how many teens die in automobile accidents a year?” Eddie began and wasn’t gonna stop talking if Richie didn’t interrupt.

“Happy Birthday Eduardo.”

“Thanks Rich…” Eddie said blushing a bit.

“How was your Aunt’s house?”

“They sang happy birthday to me, then spent the rest of the day telling me how much I’ve grown and pinching my cheeks.”

“Oh god, I’d fit right in.” Richie said and took a look at Eddie before beginning to drive.

“It’s cause they know how cute you are Eds.” Richie said with a smirk.

“I hate you.”

“No I mean it, sincerely.”

Richie pinched Eddie’s cheek real quick and Eddie smiled. There was no need to push it away or pretend he hated it. That was present enough, forget all the other gifts he was gonna get from his friends tonight, being able to openly love Richie was all he could want and more.

“Alright focus on getting us there in one piece asshole.”

“Hey talk to me when you get your license-”

“Yeah not gonna happen while I’m still living with my ma, that’s for sure. But hey, I’m sure I’d be a great driver, probably better than you without even trying.”

“I’m sure you will be spaghetti man.”

The two parked in a nearby street and began walking to the clubhouse. Eddie pulled a flashlight out of his fanny pack.

“My hero, always prepared.”

Eddie rolled his eyes as the two walked on. Richie was talking his head off, and while Eddie was usually keen to listen, tonight was different. He began to zone out. His brain kept coming back to this one vision. It was weird, yet familiar, and made his chest feel tight. He wasn’t sure he’d ever quite felt something like this before, but yet he felt like he definitely had. He started to hyperventilate.

Pennywise, the stupid clown from all that time ago, kept appearing in his mind and, and spiders. Yes something to do with spiders. He couldn't steady his breathing now, his heart beating immensely.

Richie noticed the boy was looking off.

“Okay I’ll go fuck myself, I guess. Are you even listening to me?”

Eddie didn’t respond. He just kept staring off.

“Eds??”

Richie’s concern grew when the boy didn’t answer. He grabbed his shoulders and whipped him around.

“Eds, are you okay???”

This finally shook Eddie out of his weird state, causing him to let out a loud yelp-scream noise. He seemed to be present in himself now, but the heavy breathing did not stop.

Richie sat him down against a tree only having a little flashlight to see his face.

“Fuck sorry- aspirator- please.” Eddie managed, hyperventilating.

Richie quickly understood and began to dig in the boys fanny pack, but…

“Oh shit.” Richie let out.

For the first time ever Eddie kaspbrak wasn’t prepared. He left his inhaler at home.

“Is it-“

Richie didn’t want to freak him out more so he kept talking.

“Hey it’s okay, Eddie just breathe-”

“But I-“

“Don’t speak, just follow my breathing, okay? In. Breathe in.”

Richie guided the smaller shaking boy holding his hand tightly.

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” he kept whispering.

“Just breathe.”

Eddie was trying he really was, but it was dark, he couldn’t breathe, and he couldn’t seem to remember what the visions that caused this panic were in the first place, and that made him all the more afraid .

Richie kissed him on the forehead, truly afraid he’d never calm down. He held his hand firmly as he decided to try and tell a story to try and distract him. “You know, I carved R+E in the kissing bridge all the way back in the summer of ‘89? It was after Henry Bowers made me cry. Remember that asshole? Fuck, of course you do, that mullet wearing bitch made our lives hell. But I ran to that bridge and I carved our initials. Because I knew I loved you Eddie. I loved you all this time and I’d never let anything happen to you. You’re safe right here, right now. You and me it’s just us. And this, all of this, is the opposite of scary, because of you. We’re gonna go have a fucking awesome party, okay? C’mon birthday boy.”

Eddie’s breathing was beginning to slow, and he almost let out a laugh as Richie said birthday boy.

A couple more minutes passed and Eddie finally spoke up

“I’m okay.”

“Thank fucking god, you scared the fucking shit out of me.” Richie said and hugged the boy fiercely.

“Sorry. I don’t even know what happened-”

“Don’t apologize.” Richie said and wiped the snotty nosed boy’s eyes.

“Is it too soon to ask to kiss you?”

He added blankly and Eddie laughed hard.

“Pervert, that’s all you think about, huh?” Eddie teased, his eyes still red, his chest still aching, but now he was focused on Richie.

The taller boy went to rebuttal the pervert claim, but Eddie added “I did say I was okay...”

And that was good enough for Richie as he quickly broke the distance. The two kissed for a bit longer then planned getting a little lost in it. Eddie felt completely safe in this odd moment, in this barrens, in the dark, with Richie tozier, a boy with huge glasses and a dirty mouth. And he loved him. Eddie suddenly opened his eyes alerted as he felt a bright light pointed in their direction. 

Richie quickly stood not sure what was happening, as his glasses were all fogged up.

“Who’s there!”

He exclaimed raising his fists defensively.

Eddie stood next to the trash mouth, defeated. He grabbed the glasses from Richie’s face, cleaned them, then placed them back.

“Oh.” Richie let out, as he saw all five losers standing there awkwardly.

“Mother fucker.” He groaned.

“Were you two-“ Bev began, but Richie cut her off.

“Eddie was having an asthma attack.”

“B-but you two were-“ Bill backed up

“He was having an asthma attack Bill, why? I mean what’re you guys even doing here, spying??”

“We heard a scream.” Stanley said, smirking.

”Sounded like Eddie we wanted to make sure you two were alive.” Mike added smiling.

Richie felt like he was going to cry.

Eddie looked into the taller boys eyes. He knew this was not something Richie wanted to do. Especially not right here, not right now. But they couldn’t just ignore this.

“Richie, they’re our friends, okay?”

Eds whispered earnestly.

Richie nodded, still very upset and very vulnerable. His whole plan was to wait and maybe tell Stan or Beverly in a year that him and Eddie were a thing. But now all five of his closest friends just watched him making out with a boy.

Now or never I guess. He thought. Just please don’t let them hate me.

“Me and Richie. We’re uh.. a thing? I guess…?” Eds managed wincing.

“Oh, okay.”, ”I figured”, “Makes sense.”,   “Finally” and a “So you’re gay? My uncles gay.” was muttered throughout the five of them.

“I’m not, I’m not gay.” Richie whispered suddenly looking at the ground. Fuck why was it so hard to tell his friends the truth. Why did he feel the need to cover it up.

“I don’t care if you are or aren’t.” Mike said shrugging.

“Yeah it doesn’t really matter.” Ben agreed.

“You guys aren’t weirded out?”

Richie exclaimed accidentally flashing the flashlight in Stan’s eyes.

“Ouch.” He mumbled in response, grasping at his eye.

Bill out his hand on Richie’s shoulder, ignoring Stan’s yelp.

“R-richie you two are our best friends.”

“I love you guys.” Bev added.

“Fuck. Really?” Richie breathed out, overwhelmed with relief of their support.

“Yes, you idiot, and also, I already knew like a week ago so-“ Stan began.

“What-”

“Bathtub.“

Richie and Eddie eyed each other and blushed.

“Thank you.” Eddie began, smiling.

“You guys really are my best friends. And sorry you had to uh see that…” Eddie said happily and awkwardly.

“Don’t tell anyone, please.” Richie suddenly added.

“We’d never.” Bill said softly yet firmly, then looked around to make sure everyone was nodding. 

“Besides, you guys are like my only friends, so that’d be a bit difficult.” Mike added with a smirk as he patted Richie on the back.

His way of affection.

Beverly appeared and put her arm around Mike and Richie. She kissed Richie on the cheek.

“C’mon let’s go.”  Bill declared.

And that was that.

“Happy Birthday Eddie!” Everyone exclaimed as they made their way over to the party.

“We made you a cake Eds, but it’s kinda melting.” Ben said as he walked next to the boy.

“Shit, you didn’t use any red dye, right? I’m allergic.”

Ben and Bev looked at each other. Their smiles quickly dropped.

“I’m joking! God, I’m fucking funny…” Eddie rambled giddily, the visions from earlier a mere distant dream, his eyes dried and his spirit high.

Richie smiled abundantly as he walked next to big Bill watching the world go on, because it in fact did not end over the simple notion that he liked a boy.

“Bev brought beer, right?”Richie asked, breaking the silence.

Stanley rolled his eyes.

“Of course she did, just what we need after last time.”

“Time to get fucking wasted!” Richie exclaimed.

The group giggled as they made it to the clubhouse area.

For all his talk, Richie Tozier didn’t drink much that night. In fact he only had about one beer. He wanted to remember the night as clearly as possible. He wanted to remember Eddie’s face as it lit up so freely, illuminated by the moon and laughter.

“You wanna dance, Marsh?” Richie asked, extending his hand to Beverly.

“Richie, you literally have a date, now’s your chance.”  She responded taking a sip of her drink.

Richie put his hand down and looked over at Eddie who was talking to Mike, Stanley and Bill.

“Oh shit, I can do that?”

“I mean, it’s just us here.” Ben said smiling and shrugging. Richie looked back over to Eddie.

The past couple of weeks had been a shit show.

Now that their friends knew, they kinda deserved this, didn’t they?

Deserved. Richie pondered on the thought. Yeah that’s right, he deserved this.

This was a big revolution for the boy who decided he deserve anything since he was different.

Deserved.

“Okay, I’m going in.” He whispered, his eyes not moving from his target as he made his way on over there.

He sat down next to the boy awkwardly.

“Hey.” Eddie greeted looking down from the sky to the boy next to him.

“Hey.” Richie responded, a big goofy grin appearing on his awestruck face.

Eds had been noticing differences in the boy ever since the sleepover.

The idiot still made his stupid comments, and his stupid jokes, but  he also had his quiet moments. He was slowly letting down his walls and letting Eddie in.

Letting eddie into his heart, which had always been a real scary and lonely place.

“Do you wanna maybe…”

“I’m not fucking dancing dickface, you can’t make me-” Eddie replied immediately, completely flustered at the idea of dancing with Richie. He quickly apologized not even realizing those defensive words spewed out of him.

”Did you just reject me and call me dickface?” Richie said laughing.

“Shit, I don’t know why I said that.” He groaned into his hands.

Richie laughed a lot.

“Hey it’s fine, c’mon I’ll teach you how to slow dance. My mom taught me in seventh grade for the Sadie Hawkins dance, which hey,  ironic right?”

Eddie tried to hide his amusement.

“Okay one dance, don’t ask again or I’ll change my mind.” Eddie said sternly, standing.

“Fuck yeah!” Richie exclaimed and extended his hand. Eddie took it without a second thought and the two began to dance.

The song “Sweet Jane” by The Cowboy Junkies was playing, a song Eddie didn’t know but Richie was humming along with.

Richie placed Eddie’s hands to be around his neck while he wrapped his arms around the boys waist. Eddie squirmed for a split second before relaxing. He looked over to see Ben asking Beverly to dance and smiled fondly at the two.

“When I step backwards you follow me, because I’m leading.”

“How come I can’t lead-“

“Eds-“

“Don’t call me Eds you know, I hate that.” Eddie closed his mouth then opened it again. “No I don’t I love that stupid name.” Eddie whispered embarrassed.

Richies jaw dropped.

“You’re actually admitting it? THIS IS FUCKING NEWS EDS, MONUMENTAL NEWS.”

“Shut up asshole!” Eddie exclaimed covering Richie’s grinning and still yapping mouth.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I just said I hate the name.” Eddie teased with a smug smirk.

“Touché.” Rich responded and tucked a piece of Eds hair behind his ear.

“See you’re getting the hang of it.” he whispered after a while of back and forth movement, and much concentration from Eddie on the footwork.

“Now crazy idea here, just relax.” He added. 

Eddie took a deep breath and took this in. Richie’s gaze. The music. The touch. And then he tripped over himself and landed on his ass.

“Oh shit!” Richie exclaimed squatting down next to the boy. And then they laughed. The losers laughed, Richie laughed and Eddie laughed his fucking ass off.

“Mother fucker, you’re right I’m getting the hang of this.”

Richie helped Eddie stand and they continued dancing this time much more freely, laughing and talking as a Green Day song played.

How could I ever have been afraid to love Eddie Kaspbrak? Richie thought as his eyes sparkled perfectly.

How could I ever tried to hate Richie Tozier? Eddie thought quietly.

They danced for many more songs, and fell many more times, their laughter was their medicine, their internal walls being blown down like candles on a cake.

To decide to fight to be loved is a wonderful thing. To be loved is even better. Richie thought as he pressed his body against Eds.

The group later sang happy birthday and all Eddie wished for, as he blew out the one janky candle, was the night to never end.

That very next day a sleepy Eddie was going through his birthday presents.

He opened Richie’s last.

There was a shit ton of candy labeled, “for Eddie Spaghetti only. Stay away, Mrs. K.  Don’t touch this, or you’ll pay.”, which Eddie did laugh at but then quickly pretended to be offended to himself, as he ripped up the note so his mother wouldn’t see.

Also inside of the bag lied a brand new cassette player, that Richie probably had to mow at least a million lawns to afford. To it he taped a Polaroid of the two of them and Beverly labeled “Eds and Rich, and a redhead bitch.”

The photo was taken in the morning after the sleepover. Eddie had his head rested on Richie’s shoulder and was trying to cover his face as Ben had taken the photo. Beverly sat on the floor of the couch, only her nose and up visible as she flipped off the camera. Richie made a exagerated frowny face, and held up a heart to his chest.

Eddie hung this photo up on his wall quickly. He smiled brightly and smiled more when he thought about the fact that this photo was the first of many. He fought for love, and now he gets to be loved.

A thought flashed into his mind as he closed his eyes. Loving Richie wasn’t scary. It was the opposite.

He played the green day tape Richie had given him during Summer, as he sat against his bed frame, reaching for the phone his mother finally allowed him to have in his room.

“Hey Mrs. Tozier, is Richie home?”

THE END:)