Chapter Text
the skibidi harbingers
3:56 am
[ 4 people are online! ]
Scaramouche: did you guys know that theres no word that starts and ends with the letter b
Childe: whyd i just hear ttore yell bomb
Columbina: hotel
Childe: what
r u on shrooms again
Columbina: no
weed
Dottored: blowjob
Scaramouche: oh
i guess youre right
Columbina: ok thats not fair
Scaramouche: you said hotel
Columbina: and
Childe: that has no bs in it
Columbina: ykw else starts with a b
bitch
Scaramouche: fuck you
Columbina: no but ill fuck u in ur tight little asshole
come here 😈
Scaramouche: WHY WAS THAT SO THREATENING
Dottore: start running
u have 3 minutes max before she finds u
Scaramouche: WHAT?????
Childe: 2 mins 47 seconds
ur wasting time here
Columbina: im coming
Scaramouche: what the actual fuck is happening
im running
im gone
[ Ororon is now online! ]
Childe: OMGGGG HEYYYYYY
[ Ororon is now offline! ]
Dottore: oooo he quick with it too
he does NOT want u bro
Childe: i have a fighting chance please
Scaramouche: ok i have a good spot now
Columbina: r u sure
Scaramouche: very
Dottore: 1 min 26 seconds
r u sure?
Scaramouche: im fucking positive
Childe: like for pregnancy?
omg congrats!!!!
[ Ororon is now online! ]
Ororon: on EVERYONES fucking soul if ur cringe im leaving
Childe: 😞
ahem
good evening my dear
Ororon: ..
ok it needs a bit of work but ill let it slide
Dottore: did somebody say mpreg
Scaramouche: IM NOT PREGNANT
Columbina: i can smell that tight little asshole from here😈
Ororon: what the fuck is going on
Childe: idk
Dottore: he knows
but ill say it anyways
mouche is hiding from bina
Ororon: ?
why
Scaramouche: she wants to touch me
Columbina: damn straight
…
mouche
Scaramouche: what
Columbina: r u in capitanos closet.
Scaramouche: ..
no
Ororon: @capitano
daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad
hes in ur closet
@capitano
[ Capitano is now online! ]
Capitano: what
kinda have bigger problems at the moment
Columbina: mouche is in ur closet
again
Scaramouche: BRO
Capitano: ik
i watched him walk in
Ororon: FYM AGAIN????
Capitano: this shit always happens
ok
im going back now
[ Capitano is now offline! ]
Columbina: MOUCHE
u pussy
👿
Dottore: bro has bigger fish to fry
Ororon: what
what bigger fish to fry is there than a man in ur closet???
Childe: hes never leaving
Scaramouche: he grabbed me by my collar and threw me out of his room
i guess pantas sick
Columbina: oh
ok
im gonna touch u now
Scaramouche: PLEASE DONT
Dottore: pantalones sick
whats new
Columbina: nothing
Ororon: papas always sick
sick of dottores bullshit
Dottore: BRUH
MY OWN NEPHEW????
kms
Columbina: do it faster
Childe: can we kiss @ororon
Ororon: …
bro we watched jjk ONE time
Childe: gojo and geto core
Dottore: lowkey
i see it
Scaramouche: binas doing my nails
and my hair
this is a w
Columbina: quiet heathen
u move when u type
Childe: sooo
what do we think caps big problem is
Dottore: idk
maybe his boyfriend is SICK
not sure tho
Ororon: want me to text him
i can
hes my dad
Childe: yea
im nosy
Ororon: kay
im texting him dont disturb
Dottore: IDGAF WHAT ANYBODY SAY IM STILL GONNA SMACK SOMBODY GRANDMA ASS
Scaramouche: another horrible day to be literate
Childe: its always a horrible day to be literate in this chat
Ororon: he said papas throwing up
so he probably has a stomach bug or sometjing
Dottore: what did bro eat
Ororon: idfk GO ASK HIM URSELF
Dottore: erm no
why would i do that
when lones sick he gets into a mood
and he cries alot
like ALOT
like hes probably crying right now
Childe: hes sick leave him alone
Dottore: well well well look at mr upstanding citizen here
[ Capitano is now online! ]
Capitano: ororon
call
now
[ Capitano is now offline! ]
Ororon: omfg
ill brb
[ Ororon is now offline! ]
Childe: NOOOOOOOOOO
kms
Scaramouche: finally
[ Sucrose is now online! ]
Sucrose: good morning pop!!!
Dottore: my little sweet flower i missed u so much
Columbina: this the same dude that was talking bout smackin a grannys ass not even 5 mins ago
Childe: HELPPP
Dottore: yall r fuckin narcs bruh
Sucrose: oh
can i add my gf
olease
pleaseeeeee
pretty please
Dottore: u have to ask her majesty
[ The Tsaritsa is now online! ]
The Tsaritsa: ive been summoned
at 4 in the morning
Sucrose: hi
The Tsaritsa: HELLO MY GRANDCHILD
Sucrose: can i add my gf
pretty pleaseee
Scaramouche: NO PLEASE NO
NO
PLEADE
YOUR MAJESTY PLEASE
NO
The Tsaritsa: ok
so
we can add her
BUT
we have to remove her before pierro gets up
which is at 7 am
Sucrose: YAYA
[ Mona has been added to the chat! ]
Sucrose: MONA!!!
Mona: helloo my fox
Dottore: ur WHAT.
Scaramouche: kms
bina pull the trigger
please
Columbina: on it
Mona: thank god
been waiting for this chat
Scaramouche: do you ever take that crusty hat off?? lowkey can smell it from sneznhaya
Mona: ur actually one to talk!
Scaramouche: AND that crusty ass thong bodysuit
it smells like your punani
Mona: once again ur one to fucking talk!
Columbina: HELPPP
Childe: SCARA U WEAR THONGS?!??
Mona: ofc he does
how do u think he impresses sethos?
Scaramouche: ok well basically everyone in this chat has worn a thong
minus like sucrose
Sucrose: oh
Mona: oh
Dottore: what does that insinuate
Mona: hate to be the bearer of bad news
but she has infact worn a thong
im a wittness
Sucrose: mona.
ur embarrassing meeeeee
Dottore: MY BABY IS ALL GROWN UP IMMA KMS
Scaramouche: PLEASE
[ Ororon is now online! ]
Ororon: im cooked
please
someone shoot me
Childe: oh
whatd he say
Ororon: he told me some very important things that i cant share
Dottore: lame sauce
Childe: at ur GROWN age saying lame sauce
Dottore: im not grown
Columbina: u have a child
Mona: CLEARLY that dont mean shit
Dottore: bruh
ill just kms its fine
Columbina: we need a kms counter
The Tsaritsa: real fucjin shit bruh
hi sucroses gf
Mona: hi
who
wait
lets think
TAHTS THE ARCHON???
The Tsaritsa: yert
Columbina: u an eater or nah @mona
Mona: what
what
what
whag
whag
gwat
Sucrose: what does that mean
Dottore: doe she eat ur ass
wait
FUCK
The Tsaritsa: DID U JUST ASK UR FUCJING KID IF SHE GETS HER ASS ATE?????
Scaramouche: ik sucrose doesnt eat monas she probably has poop flakes
Columbina: what is ur beef even about
Mona: atp
i dont even remember
Scaramouche: lowkey
same
her bangs are uneven tho
Mona: oooo
u wanna start abt hair huh…
Childe: ororon
Ororon: childe
Childe: whats the big secret
Ororon: nonya
Childe: what
Ororon: nonya business
Childe: bruh
Ororon: dont bruh me
Childe: yes maam
Dottore: omfg..
yall r like
PERFECT for eachother
Columbina: i see the vision
Scaramouche: i also see the vision
Mona: hard to believe cuz ur greasy ass bangs reach past ur nose but ok
Columbina: HELPPP
SHE QUICK WIT ITTTTT
The Tsaritsa: i fw this mona chick HEAVY
Mona: appreciate it
Sucrose: im cold
can u bring the blanket to the couch please
Mona: mhm ill be there in a min
Sucrose: thank uuu
Dottore: kay when am i getting mh first grandchild
Scaramouche: omfg
again with teh pregnanacy shit bruh
Ororon: is this just like a popular topic
Childe: very
ESPECIALLY with dottore
hus main victim is normally pantalone
Ororon: oh
i mean
i can see why
Columbina: HELP
HELP ME
HELP
HELP
HELP
HELP
HELL
HELP
HELP
HELP
PIERROS SLEEPWALKING IM SCARED
The Tsaritsa: grab the gun
Columbina: I ALR HAVE IT
IM FIRING
HELL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE
Childe: HELP WHY DO U HAVE AN AR???
Dottore: i bet thats what backshots from a muscular man sound like
[ Signora is now online! ]
Signora: WHO THE FUCK IS FIRING A GUN AT 4 IN THE FUCKING MORNING.
[ Capitano is now online! ]
Capitano: WHERE THE FUCK DID U GET A GUN BINA.
IM TRYING TO GET PANTALONE TO SLEEP PLEASE
Ororon: hes still not asleep????
give him melatonin or sumn
Capitano: yo lowkey
I GAVE HIM HALF A FUCKING BOTTLE
Childe: let it kick in damn
Columbina: the blick had a mind of its own i swear
Mona: what the actual fuck gets done in this palace
The Tsaritsa: on a good day we accomplish waking up unscathed in the morning
on a bad one dottore has to make a new segment for himself because someone killed it
Dottore: type shit
Sucrose: ?
whats a segment
Dottore: oh
nothing
Capitano: ooooo
u dont tell her shit
Signora: worry abt putting ur bf to bed
Capitano: hes in the bed
hes just not sleeping
hes currently sobbing his eyes out
Columbina: sounds like him
Childe: what did u tell ororon
Capitano: mindya
Childe: huh
Capitano: mindya own damn business
Childe: kms
Scaramouche: twice is kinda crazy childe
Mona: is this childe one stupid
Signora: severely
[ Sandrone is now online! ]
Sandrone: U AINT MOTHIN BUT A BROKE BOIII FEIN FEIN FEIN FEIN
[ Sandrone is now offline! ]
Dottore: she sleep types 😕
i swear
Signora: ominous ass gf
Capitano: ok
pantalones asleep
im also going to bed
do NOT fucjing knock on my door i WILL smite u
[ Capitano is now offline! ]
Signora: geez why is it so cold
wtf
giovannis wandered into my room
Childe: fym wandered
thats YOUR child
Ororon: he doesnt even wander
he tottles
Columbina: CHROMAKOPIA
CHROMAKOPIA
CHROMAKOOOOOOPIA
CHROMAKOOOPIA
CHROMAKOOOOOOOPIA
CALM DOWN
SIT STILL
ONE MIL
FOR EACH WHEEL
TOP TEN
BIG DEAL
HOW THE FUCK HE DO THAT
WHAT THE FUCK I LOOK LIKE
GET THE FUCK UP OUT HIM WAY
HAWTHORN IS WHERE IM FROM
NOTHER PLANET WHERE HIM STAY
FIFTEEN CASH FOR THAT NEW FORD
HAD A NEW GUAP SINCE NINETEEN
I POPPED OUT LIKE A CHA-CHING
I THINK IM A GODDAMN FIEND
REALLY BALLIN IN THIS BITCH
IM THE HOTTEST IN THIS BITCH
GIVE A FUCK ABOUT NO BARK
IM CHASING DOGS UP IN THIS BITCH
EL SEGUNDO FELT LIKE COLOSSEUM
P SAID I COULD DO IT TOO
AND BOY DID I BELIEVE HIM
I BUILT THE PATH TO FREEDOM
CAUSE THEM WORDS THAT HE SAID
‘GIVE A FUCK ABOUT TRADITIONS
STOP IMPRESSIN
THE DEAD’
AH
IM GON MAKE IT OUT
PROMISE IM GON MAKE IT OUT
MAMA IM GON MAKE IT OUT
PUSSY IM GON MAKE IT OUT
I AINT NEVER HAD A DOUBT INSIDE ME
AND IF I EVER TOLD YOU THAT I DID
IM FUCKIN LYING
CAN U FEEL ALIVE?
INSIDE?
CAN U FEEL THAT FIREEEEE
CAN U FEEL IT?
THAT FIREEEEEE
FIREEEE
YEA FIREEEEE
Signora: the album aint even out yet
Columbina: those bisexual black men must be locked in the studio
Childe: my white self WILL be dancing
hitting the carlton even
Mona: hitting the carlton is absolutely bonkers
Scaramouche: avg white people dance move
Childe: bro
and
what abt it
ill hit the carlton ANYTIME
The Tsaritsa: bro hits the jig
Scaramouche: bro hits the yabbadabbadoo
Childe: kms
LET ME BE DAMN
Signora: no
The Tsaritsa: oh
pierro sleptwalked back to our bed
thanks bina
Columbina: no problemo
The Tsaritsa: he has 58 bullet holes
but its ok
nothing i cant deal with
Mona: WHAT
tf u mean nothing u cant deal with
HE HAS 58 BULLET HOLES
Sucrose: this is very normal behavior
Ororon: incredibly normal
Mona: …
yall r fucked up
Signora: tell me abt it
Columbina: dont
im not a therapist
Scaramouche: real
Mona: YOU need a therapist
yes YOU