Chapter Text
the skibidi harbingers
7:45 am
[ 5 people are online! ]
Pantalone: 肏
Scaramouche: stop
Pantalone: 肏
Scaramouche: please
lone
its 7:45 in the morning
Pantalone: 肏
Signora: what
what does that house thing mean
Columbina: “house thing”
Sandrone: LMFAO
Pantalone: 肏
Scaramouche: STOP
BRO
PLEASE
Sandrone: what is he saying
Scaramouche: hes just saying fuck
yk that dafuq thing
yeah
thats what hes doing rn
just in liyuen
Signora: dafuq
Columbina: dafuq
Pantalone: 肏
Sandrone: this is like getting a gold scar from a chest in fortnite
dafuq
Scaramouche: PLEASE SHUT UP
PLEASE
SETHOS FUCKING DOES THIS SHIT ALL THE TIME PLEASE
Pantalone: kys
oh
oops
i don't know how those letters managed to get there.
肏
Scaramouche: im going to fucking hang you
Sandrone: this is actually like finding a gold scar in fortnite vro
I LOVE ANNOYING SCARA!!!!!!!
Columbina: sandy j have ur stream open why r u trying not to laugh
Signora: my moms kinda homeless
i live with mg dad
Sandrone: AND I
THE KNOGHT IN SHINING ARMOR
istg if jeff the shark fucking kills me one more time im blowing something up
Columbina: girl why r u on marvel rivals at 7:47 in ghe morning
Sandrone: squirrel girl…
Signora: fork jn tje kitchen
dafuq
Scaramouche: SHUT THE FUCK UP
ON EVERYONES SOUL IM KILLING SANDRONE
Sandrone: WHAT DID I DO???????
BLAME PANTALONE NOT ME
Pantalone: what?
me?
i didn't do anything.
Signora: ur actually a d1 instigator
Pantalone: not me.
肏
Scaramouche: please
im begging lone
please
ill buy you anything
please no more
Signora: bribing pantalone…
Columbina: ATTEMPTING to bribe pantalone
ts is NOT gonna work
dafuq
Signora: LMFAO
Scaramouche: thats it
sandrones getting it
Sandrone: 0”2$)/9”-”
HELP ME
PLEAZE
PLEASE
HELP
HELP
HELP
HELP
dafuq
Columbina: LMFAO
Sandrone: HES GASSING ME
HELP
@EVERYONE
HELP ME
@EVERYONE
[ 3 people are now online! ]
Childe: wnabd
Dottore: hello fellow slimes!
Sandrone: HELP ME SCARAS GASSING ME AGAIN
HELP
dafuq
Dottore: it is 7:50 in the morning
Pantalone: 肏
Childe: bro not this again
Dottore: lone.
what happens on call stays on call.
Pantalone: haters.
肏
Signora: what r ur calls even abt
Childe: ttore ragebaits lone and scara but then gets mad when lone ragebaits
we made a kys counter last night
very productive
Scaramouche: mind you this was supposed to be a finance call
Dottore: lone told me to pay 563,000 mora to him by the end of the week idk why childe and scara were there
Childe: moral support
Dottore: ???
for who
Scaramouche: you
we ALL know lone wouldve been kicking your dead body by the end of the meeting
Pantalone: 肏
Arlecchino: lol
Columbina: HAI BABAYYYYYY
Arlecchino: hi
Signora: what else did u guys do
Childe: not much
lone got mad and started speaking in liyuen for half of the call
Sandrone: he saw that gold scar…
Childe: he loves ragebaiting
Pantalone: good morning arle.
Arlecchino: kys
Pantalone: okay.
who's up your ass this morning?
Signora: ooooo
tea
Pantalone: oh, wait.
you don't have an ass.
nor a clean strap.
Arlecchino: FYM CLEAN STRAP
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?????
Sandrone: bro has the poop strap
Childe: dookie strap
bro alvidas so bad bro
im losing my mind
Sandrone: crocodile…
Columbina: its always fucking crocodile.
crocodile this crocodile that
SHUT UP ABT HIM.
AND AMBESSA
AND SEVIKA
AND APPLEJACK
AND MAKI
AND KORRA
Arlecchino: good god sandy u have a type
Sandrone: 😕
i love ttore i swear
Dottore: u have a crocodile body pillow
Sandrone: u sleep with it more than i do
Dottore: bruh
im not saving u from getting gassed
Sandrone: whore
Dottore: bitch
Signora: do yall even like eachother
Dottore: only on weekends
Pantalone: hoeless.
Dottore: not everyone gets dick the size of their thigh
Pantalone: …
you literally take her strap like it's nothing.
Dottore: what is it pick on ttore day
Scaramouche: yeah actually it is
Signora: B B B B B B B B BIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTCCCCCCCHHHHHH
Columbina: ttore be clipfarming in calls bro
Sandrone: no i know
Arlecchino: tbh i be clipping scaras rages
ts funny to watch
Scaramouche: kys????
Arlecchino: ok tell the pregnant lady to kill herself
Scaramouche: you just told lone to kill himself
Arlecchino: ok but thats different
Childe: yea scara
thats different
Scaramouche: kys
Childe: :(
i miss ororon
guys
im adding him back
Signora: bro dont
that little shit is annoying
[ Childe has added Ororon to the chat! ]
Signora: BRUH
Pantalone: oh..
Childe: thats literally ur nephew and ur step son what
Ororon: what
oh
hi guys
Arlecchino: oh no hes awkward
Ororon: stfu stupid bitch
Columbina: WHAT??????
WHAT DID U CALL MY WIFE??????
Ororon: nothing
papa save me
Pantalone: you did this to yourself.
Columbina: IM GOING TO FUCKING DROWN U ORORON
Ororon: PAPA PLEASE
CALL DAD
PLEAZE
Pantalone: he’s asleep.
Signora: @capitano
wake up fatass
Pantalone: don't.
ugh
now he’s up.
[ Capitano is now online! ]
Signora: why r u in such a mood today
Pantalone: oh, i don't know.
maybe i’ve thrown up three times since 5 in the morning.
who knows, really!
Dottore: mood swings…
Capitano: who has called me
Ororon: TIA THREATENED TO DROWN ME
Capitano: when the fuck did u get back in here
Columbina: THAT LITTLE SHIT CALLED MY WIFE A BITCH
Capitano: and?
deserved
Ororon: SEE
IM INNOCENT
Dottore: bros getting coal for christmas
Columbina: damn right
Capitano: no but seriously when did he get added back in
Childe: while u were railing ur bf
Capitano: ??????
dawg i was asleep
Dottore: award for the loosest hole in teyvat goes to pantalone
Pantalone: oh, really?
you whore yourself around the entirety of teyvat, yet i “have the loosest hole in teyvat”?
Sandrone: he what.
dottore.
Dottore: I DO NO SUCH THING
ok
maybe like 4 people
BUT THATS IT I SWEAR
Signora: no way..
lone
honey
why do u keep such secrets
Pantalone: blackmail.
Scaramouche: real
Arlecchino: real
hes got dirt on everyone dude its scary
was that explosion sandrone breaking into ttores lab
Columbina: yea
Capitano: i mean he dug himself that hole
Ororon: can we please stop talking abt holes.
Childe: LOL
Ororon: im going to kick ur ass get on fortnite rn
Childe: bro its 7:57 am here
Ororon: and?
idgaf get on game
Capitano: childe u bottom bitch dont let ORORON of all people boss u around
Columbina: LMFAOO
Childe: u literally let lone boss u around
take ur own advice sometime old man
Capitano: tf did u call me
Childe: OLD MAN
damn didnt know u had hearing problems too
Arlecchino: cap stand up for urself PLEAZE bro ts is embarrassing
Scaramouche: dont let childe of all people bully you
Pantalone: embarrassing…
Dottore: not in front of the huzz..
LADIES GET BEHIND ME
Pantalone: are you insinuating i’m female because i’m pregnant?
Dottore: no
dawg
im killing myself nvm yall can fend for urselves
Childe: @pantalone i hope ur babys ginger
Pantalone: why would you say that.
Childe: ur an accomplice
Pantalone: ?
how?
Childe: ur man u back him up
Capitano: oh so ororons on ur side?
Childe: always
Ororon: ok no
Childe: what
u bitch
oh
no im sorry
please dont beat me
Ororon: 😕
im not even in the same country as u…
Pantalone: beat him.
beat the shit out of him.
Sandrone: y r u tweaking
Pantalone: i’m not.
Capitano: do u want to cuddle
Pantalone: no.
you smell like a sweaty ballsack.
Capitano: ??????
ill go shower if that makes u happy
Pantalone: no wait come back.
:(
Capitano: ill only be a few minutes
Pantalone: :(
Signora: omfg GET A ROOM
Arlecchino: clingy much..
Dottore: gross
Pantalone: worry about your relationship failing ttore.
Columbina: LMFAO
mood swings be KICKING bro
Signora: not much different than normal
Scaramouche: hes lowkey tamer than usual
Pantalone: you make me sound like an animal.
Childe: ur out for blood every fucking meeting
Scaramouche: i know your looks by now lone
i can tell when your judging someone harshly
Pantalone: oh?
if can you tell when i’m judging people, can you tell that most of the time i’m judging the population with rat tails?
Columbina: LET HIM GET UUUUUHHHPPP
Signora: hes out for blood again
Childe: this is making me feel bad for cap
Pantalone: why would you feel bad for him?
Childe: he probably gets the most shit privately
Pantalone: ?
no?
why would i judge him?
Childe: u just told him he smelled bad
Arlecchino: pregnancy makes u smell things dude its weird
Signora: can vouch
rostam always smelt like sweat and metal
Pantalone: see.
Capitano: back
Pantalone: 😦
Columbina: what
Pantalone: he only has a towel on.
Sandrone: neuron activation
Pantalone: and he’s steaming.
Dottore: id never thougjt id see horny pantalone in the gc
Signora: LMFAO
Columbina: lones probably frothing at the mouth
Childe: freaky ass
no wonder why hes pregnant
Ororon: why r u shitting on my papa rn.
Childe: he was mean to me :(
Pantalone: he’s glistening.
i’m going insane.
Capitano: 😓
Signora: actin like hes not the cause
Columbina: glistening is insane
cap if u dont take care of him rn..
Dottore: CAPILONE SEX LIVE RN
GET UR TICKETS HERE
Columbina: capilone pregnant sex
rn
Capitano: 😕
Pantalone: what?
is that not what was going to happen?
Capitano: u r digging urself a hole bb
Scaramouche: the horny hole
Sandrone: spibble used to tickle me until i splurped and then he hit me with a blorp ball bat
Scaramouche: what does that even mean????
Ororon: gleebus gloprus
Childe: kiss kiss mwah mwah
Ororon: 😒
Signora: @dottore who u cheating on sandy with
Dottore: 😕
broslimw shes glung to kill me
Sandrone: ill only kill u if ur taste is bad
Dottore: lit
ok so
a WHILE ago i slept with lisa minci she pegged the shit outta me would NOT recommend
Pantalone: YOU SLEPT WITH WHO????
LISA???
i’m disappointed.
Columbina: in who
Pantalone: who do you think?
lisa of course.
why would she sleep with that thing.
Dottore: …
sandrone whats the rating on lisa
Sandrone: 8.5/10
she a bit too freaky for me bro
Dottore: ok next
tighnari..
Scaramouche: WHAT??????
BRO WHAT????
Sandrone: femboy/10
Scaramouche: hes not a fucking femboy omfg
Dottore: NEXT
albedo
Arlecchino: what is it with u and twinks
Columbina: either twink or buff
no inbetween
Sandrone: aww u think im buff
Columbina: girl stfu ur literally a girl twink
Sandrone: LOOK WHOS FUCKING TALKING.
anyways 9.1/10 for albedo
Dottore: sick
ok last but not least
yall gonna hate me for yhis one
Pantalone: we hate you regardless.
Dottore: BRUH
ok fuck u
i slept with baizhu
Pantalone: MY COUSIN?????
Childe: MY EX?????
Sandrone: baizhu 🤤
10/10
i will not kill u slime
Arlecchino: bro
he literally cheated on u like 4 times
Sandrone: i wouldve done the same thing tbh
Dottore: see
she gets it
Sandrone: exactly
Pantalone: i’m going to throw up.
Childe: same
WHEN DIDNU SLEEP WOTH BAI?????
Dottore: WAAAAYYY before ur time pal
way before
Sandrone: he means last week
Dottore: ?????
how tf u know abt that
oh
Childe: BRUH
BRO CODE TTORE.
Ororon: not cool
Capitano: oh he actually threw up
Ororon: oh
double not cool
Signora: stfu.
ur so stupid it pisses me off
Childe: HEY.
HES NOT STUPID.
Signora: okay thing 1 & thing 2
Arlecchino: LMFAO
Columbina: this is insane 😕
baizhu lowered his standards bro i thought they were low when he chose CHILDE
Pantalone: you're telling me sister.
Capitano: he just weng through all 5 stages of grief in like 2 mins im scared
Pantalone: you still only have a towel on.
Capitano: u were literally throwing up
im not going to fully dress myself amd then help u
Pantalone: put a shirt on.
Signora: YEA
PUT A SHIRT ON DUMBASS
Capitano: 😕
bro kys
Dottore: bro just told the huzz to kts 💔😕
Sandrone: nora i need ur breasts
Signora: what.
what.
Columbina: 2 whats 💔
Scaramouche: shes stunned 💔
Sandrone: me and the shuzz (shoe huzz)
Childe: what does that mean
Ororon: the shuzz (shoe huzz)
Sandrone: see
he gets it
Childe: 😕
ororon u dumbass
Ororon: bro didnt read fly guy as a kid
Capitano: im surprised u did
Ororon: i like bugs
Pantalone: WE KNOW.
Ororon: oh my god
dad please take care of ur man hes being mean
Capitano: 😕
dad this cap that
man what if i just kms
Arlecchino: PARTAAAAAAAAYYYY
Columbina: noooo dont kys what would happen to ur boobies???
who would breastfeed the baby
Pantalone: i’m going to kill myself.
Capitano: ok no
Pantalone: i’m going to kill a segment.
Dottore: WHY????????
Pantalone: you know why.