Chapter Text
For a long time, Duncan assumed he wouldn't exactly fall in love again. He'd had a few flings in his lifetime, one serious relationship in his late 20's that he honest to god thought would be the closest thing he'd get to love.
That was, of course, before he met Adam. He didn't think he'd fall so damn quickly, he knew he had some kind of backbone when it came to thinking critically. But how could someone look at Adam and not fall in love? Duncan couldn't think of a single flaw that the younger man beheld. Not one.
Which was wild, because Duncan's greatest talent is finding reasons to hate someone. It's been a year since they've started dating. Adam really liked staying at Duncan's house. He liked the soft noise the woods would make at night, and how the frost would make the grass look like it was made of silver.
Adam would stay from about 6 in the morning to seven at night. He never slept over. Duncan still didn't know why. Maybe boundaries.
Duncan walked inside with an armful of wood, seeing Adam sitting crisscross on the couch, his old and bulky laptop perched on his lap. Duncan walked to the fireplace and dumps the wood into the andiron, a fancy thing he'd bought to hold the wood because it kept leaving pieces of bark on his floor. Which Adam hated accidentally stepping on. Hence the andiron.
"You need a new laptop, love." Duncan murmured as he sat down on the couch next to Adam, knowing that he'd simply be checking the NASA website for any new discoveries. Adam's gaze turns to Duncan, gentle eyes looking at him with the blankest of stares. Duncan's heart always skipped a beat when Adam looked at him. Even now.
"This works, and the new ones are too confusing." Adam replies to Duncan's prior statement before looking back to the computer.
"So, you wouldn't want a new one?"
Duncan watched as Adam pondered the question, his fingers stilling on the keys before continuing their typing. "I don't know. This one does get really hot, and I can't use it without the charger anymore."
Duncan huffed out a quiet laugh. He'd be looking into getting Adam a new computer. "Anything new?" He asks. Honestly not interested in if there was anything new. he just wanted to hear Adam talk. Watch his eyes light up.
Adam shakes his head softly. "A few new pictures of the Orion and Dumbbell nebulae." Adam murmurs, eyes focused on the words splayed on the website before clicking off of it. He closes the laptop. The whirring fan that's supposed to cool off the laptop slowly dies down before it turns off. Not like it does any good anyways.
The clock was nearing 5:30. Duncan glanced over to Adam, who leaned onto Duncan slightly. Duncan's arm wraps gently around Adam's shoulder, a low hum leaving his lips before he speaks. "Can I ask you something, pretty?" He says, voice low and curious. Adam gave a nod as his gaze flicked up to Duncan's.
"Why don't you spend the night?" Duncan asks. He can see the thoughts swarming in Adam's head, almost as if he's embarrassed to say the answer. Probably from that fuckass girl he was with. She was a bitch.
"Go on. You know I don't judge."
A small pause.
"Well, I only like sleeping in my bed. I have the perfect mattress and pillows, and they all feel exactly right. Other mattresses don't. My comforter is the perfect weight, too. Everything about my room is just right."
Duncan pondered Adam's response. He would be lying if he said he wasn't slightly disappointed. Though eh was far from angry or annoyed. He gives a small nod. "Alright." He says. "Is it just the bed, or the room in general?" He adds.
"Just the bed." Adam replies, his head laying comfortably on Duncan's shoulder.
"So, if I bought you the same exact mattress, pillows, comforter, everything. Would you sleep here?" Duncan mumbles after a few minutes, pressing a kiss to Adam's hair. He knew Adam didn't mind them sleeping in the same bed, as long as it was Adam's bed.
Adam pondered again. "If it was all exactly the same, then yes." He says, seemingly not realizing Duncan is asking these because he indeed is going to buy Adam's exact bed set-up.
And that's what he did. Adam left at 7 pm, and Duncan instantly got online. He knew what kind of mattress Adam had. He'd seen the box in the younger man's closet a few weeks ago. He orders the mattress. And after calling Adam to know what comforter, pillows and sheets he had (which Adam knew the exact size and brand names of them all), Duncan ordered them. Satisfied, he turned off his computer and left his desk.
God, he hoped Adam would sleep here. Which sounded beyond desperate of him, but he was past caring about how other people viewed him. He wanted to be with his love, where his love was most comfortable. And that was at Duncan's house.
Having paid extra for quick shipping, the mattress and everything came in about three days. He hadn't told Adam he did this. And in the middle of taking apart his own bedframe to move the new mattress in, he figured he probably should have. He wasn't sure how comfortable Adam is with surprises. One way to find out, right?
It was close to midnight when he was finally done setting everything up. He put the freshly washed sheets on the mattress, washed with the detergent Adam likes, along with the comforter.
He smiled slightly at his work. He felt good about it. He absolutely adored doing things for Adam. Have it be getting him small space-related things, or a bouquet of flowers waiting at his doorstep.
Adam did his things for Duncan as well. They were just in a different, genuine manner. He would sew the small patches in Duncan's favorite winter jacket after only seeing the man grumble from the ripped fabric and nothing more. He would memorize how Duncan liked his coffee from the small cafe and bring it to him when he'd come int he mornings.
And that's exactly what he did when he came the next morning. Duncan turned his head to the door as Adam walked in. Not having shown him the new bed yet. He gave a small, slightly tired hum. Adam noticed the look of fatigue instantly, his lips turning downwards into a small frown.
Duncan chuckled softly as he stood and crossed over to the younger man, who still had that sweetly concerned look on his face. "It's alright, spaceboy. Late night, that's all." He murmurs. Adam sets the coffee down and hugs Duncan tightly, arms wrapped around Duncan's waist as his head leaned onto his shoulder.
Duncan returned the embrace gladly, humming as he placed a kiss to the top of Adam's head. His hair always smelled of faint vanilla, the shampoo he always used, no matter what.
"Cmere, I got something to show you." Duncan says, taking Adam's arm and walking to his bedroom. Adam followed; his hand soft compared to Duncan's. He looks into the bedroom, looking at the bed. Duncan watched him carefully. Adam's gaze turns to Duncan, a smile growing on those beautiful lips of his.
"Is this my bed?" Adam asks. Duncan nods. "Exactly the same. Then you can spend the night here." He murmurs, rubbing the back of his neck. Adam's smile only widens as he walks to the bed and sits down.
"It feels just like it.. You put it together and everything?"
"Sure did." Duncan replies, leaning on the doorway as he watches Adam. God, he could stare at this man for hours and never stop finding things he loves. The way Adam's dimple shows up when he smiles, the way he scrunches his nose when that rush of excitement goes through him.
He drove Adam back that day to get his clothes. Which, Adam got quite a few, and a few boxes of macaroni and cheese. Duncan couldn't help feel a rush of excitement course through him at the thought of Adam staying for multiple days.
Maybe it was just a honeymoon phase, maybe not. All he knows is that for now, he wants to spend the rest of his life with Adam.
That night, Adam slept in Duncan's arms for the first time in a few weeks. (Adam had started to dislike spending their time at his apartment). Duncan held him close, his calloused fingers trailing through Adam's soft curls. He watched him sleep, watched the steady rise and fall of his breath.
Duncan woke up to find Adam gone from his spot on the bed. A pang of worry went through his chest as he stood up, disregarding the way sleep made him stumble slightly. Relief washed over him gently as he saw Adam in his study, seemingly looking through things.
That relief turned to realization as he saw exactly what Adam had in his hands. Files, documents on the people Duncan has killed, given to him by his boss after Duncan retired. The reports didn't leave too much to the imagination. Detailing how and when they died, and detailing how much was earned from the death.
Adam's head turned to look at Duncan, confusion swirling in his eyes. "What are these?" He asks after a few seconds. Nausea settled low in Duncan's stomach as he thought of how to word this. He'd lied to Adam for a straight year.
"You lied." Adam says after a few seconds, speaking the words that Duncan couldn't get himself to speak. Duncan responds only in a small nod, not knowing what to say.
"Why?" Adam follows up quickly, setting the files down.
"I didn't want you to worry. Or.. Well, if I told you that I used to kill people for a living, I doubt you would've stayed." Duncan mumbles, his voice low. He didn't want to lose Adam. He can't. Adam is his everything, his way of life. Adam is the blood that rushes through his veins and the first breath he takes in the morning.
"You're right, I wouldn't have." Adam says, looking back to the papers and biting the inside of his cheek. Duncan swallows thickly, crossing over to Adam. "It's over, I don't do it anymore."
"Why not?"
"Because I had to retire."
A small pause.
"Had to. You would've continued to do it if you hadn't gotten too old for your companies' contract."
Damn Adam and his intelligence. Duncan knew full and well he was right. He would've continued doing it until he physically couldn't.
Adam looks to the desk again, his entire energy thrown off. "I don't like this. Why would you do that?"
Duncan can't give him an excuse. He doesn't want to. he couldn't form this entire relationship's foundation on lies.
"It paid good money. 'S what my dad wanted me to be, too."
Adam's gaze narrows slightly as he looks up at Duncan again, Duncan's heart twists further as he sees the small tears in the man's eyes. He's really fucked up.
"Baby, I'm- Fuck, I'm sorry." He murmurs as he slides his hand to gently caress Adam's cheek. Adam pushes his hand away, redness creeping from his neck to his cheeks. If Duncan had known, all those months ago that he'd love Adam like he does now, he wouldn't have lied. But that doesn't mean he stopped lying. he let Adam believe he was pure.
Adam's hands flex out, before he clenched them into fist, repeating this motion. Duncan stood like an idiot, not knowing what the hell to do. usually he can help when Adam's upset, but he can't help when he's the reason that tears are gathering in those gorgeous eyes.
"You want me to go, to stay? Any- Anything?" Duncan mumbled. He'd never felt guilt like this. The way it pressed on his chest made his jaw clench and shoulders go tight as if he was being scolded by his dad all over again.
Adam's gaze flicked up to Duncan's before he exited the room and went to the bedroom, gently shutting the door. Quiet even when pissed.
Duncan pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes, quiet curses leaving his lips.
"Fucking idiot. Why the hell would you do that? Should've told him, fucking idiot." He seethes before dropping his hands to the sides and looking at the desk where the files are splayed. He didn't have any excuse was the real kicker. He hurt people, hurt Adam. That was it. There was so underlying meaning as to why he did it. Cowardice ran in his family. He's not surprised that despite trying his hardest to run from it, he caught it anyways. Running was the first sign.
He stood in front of his bedroom door, not being able to hear anything except pacing and quiet whispers.
All he could do was wait. He knew Adam, knew the man needed time no matter what had upset him.
All he could seriously do was hope that Adam wouldn't leave the room with bags in hand.