Chapter Text
INQUISITOR
The following morning, the kitchen in their shared house in the alienage was filled with the comforting aroma of freshly brewed tea. Nuria, Merrill, Zore, and Sheranna sat around the table in silence, the group observed Nuria carefully. She outwardly showed herself as calm, composed and silent. It was an improvement from the barely contained wreck she was the day before, but she decidedly wasn't her usual self.
A loud, insistent knock broke the stillness. Zore rose to answer the door, revealing Loran and Fadin standing on the doorstep, their expressions a mix of concern and urgency.
"Have you seen S…Kael?" Loran asked, worried, and scanning the room expectantly.
Fadin, visibly agitated, ran a hand through his hair. "We’ve checked all the places we could think of. He’s gone. It’s like he’s vanished."
Merrill's brows knitted together in concern. "Did he leave any message or hint about where he might be?"
Loran shook his head. "No sign of him at all. It's as if he just disappeared."
"Give it more time," Nuria said quietly, her voice steadier than she felt. "He'll be back soon." He had his first real shift with Lord Aldridge that day, he wouldn't desert the mission.
The room fell silent. The whole group looked at Nuria while she calmly finished preparing and led them to the Vhenadahl.
To their surprise, Solas was already there, seated at their usual spot, chatting with Arven. He was calm, composed, and cold. It was as though nothing had happened. He looked up as they arrived, his expression inscrutable. When they reached him, with an air of nonchalance, greeted them. "Good morning." He didn’t look particularly tired, he had a bit of a shadow under his eyes, but nothing more that would indicate distress of any kind. Nuria, on the other hand, had once again puffy eyes from crying, even though an early morning healing spell helped with that.
Merrill and the others exchanged puzzled glances but remained silent. Nuria, however, felt a mix of emotions bubbling up—relief, frustration, and suspicion. Solas was acting unlike himself, when had he ever been nonchalant? There was something going on.
Nuria took a deep breath, and before she could say anything, Zore took the lead and approached Solas, her voice stern, arms crossed. "Kael, where have you been? We were worried."
Solas looked at her with a distant gaze. "I needed some time to think. I didn’t mean to cause any distress."
Zore nodded, looked at Nuria and then at Solas, who were pointedly not looking at each other. She sighed and sat next to Arven. “Alright, just warn us next time. Loran and Fedin were shaking in their breeches.”
“I was not” said Loren with the tone of someone that was shaking in his breeches right at that moment. Fedin snorted, and his brother gave him a quick elbow.
The group settled around the Vhenadahl, the atmosphere heavy. Arven looked like he was dying to dig in the gossip. As they shared their meal, the normalcy of the setting clashed with the faces of the group, which ranged from seething, to uncomfortable, to blank. Solas, seated comfortably, seemed remarkably at ease. The others couldn't help but probe for answers.
“So, Solas,” Sheranna began, her tone a mix of concern and irritation, “Where have you been? We were worried when you disappeared.”
Solas took a sip of water, casual in everything from his posture to the way he talked next. “I spent the night out. Found some company to keep me entertained.”
The group’s reaction was immediate. Merrill and Fedin stopped mid bite, wide eyed and surprised. Sheranna slowly crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes, while Zore shot up, fist clenched. Loran and Arven snickered, exchanging a glance.
Nuria's heart tightened at his words instinctively, but she didn’t believe it for a second. She had noticed the small but distinct stain of blood on his clothes—something that didn't quite fit with the idea of him sleeping around to forget. The sight unsettled her, deepened her worry. This attitude wasn't like him at all. Everything about him seemed like a new facade he had decided to wear. Was it to help her move on? He was decidedly acting unlike the man she loved.
Zore’s eyes widened in shock and anger, and didn’t waste a second. “What do you mean, found some company? You broke her heart just yesterday, and now you casually mention spending the night with someone else? What the fuck?” She looked at Nuria and took her hand gently, gauging her reaction.
Loran and Fadin, though surprised, exchanged amused glances, their youthful bravado showing through. “Well, that’s one way to move on, I suppose,” Loran remarked.
Arvan laughed cheerfully. "I didn't think you had it in you. Yesterday, you seemed so taken by our little redhead." He patted Solas on the back but froze when Zore glared at him.
Nuria took a deep breath, her voice steady. “Kael, can we speak privately?” She stood calmly, but still didn’t look at him directly. She didn’t wait for his answer before starting to move towards a corner of the Vhenadahl square. They stepped away from the bustling area around the Vhenadahl, and found a quiet corner in one of the narrow alleys, away from the prying eyes of the city.
Once they were alone, Nuria faced him, her gaze intense, her Elvhen improving with every conversation. “What really happened last night? There's blood on your clothes. This isn’t just about sleeping around.” She pointed at the traces of blood on his collar. He paused, looking away, his composure creaking.
“I spent the night fighting a criminal group in Lowtown. I needed to let out, if I wanted to keep my composure and my promise to you,” he admitted, looking away.
She sighed again. "That's understandable, but please warn the others when you plan to spend the night out...for whatever reason. We are on a mission. What if you were captured? And what if you were discovered? We cannot attract attention."
Solas nodded. "You’re right. I should have been more considerate. I’ll make sure to be more transparent in the future.”
She took a deep breath, feeling a mix of relief and lingering sadness. "And I know you were playing the part of the least appealing man in the world to me to keep your promise and I hate to be picky, but…if possible, could you not be so...cruel?"
Solas looked at her, the facade cracking for a moment. "I’m sorry. I was trying to make it easier for you. I didn’t mean to hurt you more."
Nuria's voice softened, her eyes filled with a mixture of compassion and resolve. "I don't want you to lose yourself for my sake, Solas. Please, don’t act like someone you're not. You’re not protecting me like that."
Solas nodded, his expression pained yet sincere. "I’ll find a way to keep my distance."
Nuria took a deep breath, hesitant but needing to say it. "However if you want to seek your pleasures or another woman, I wouldn't hold it against you."
Solas's expression shifted to one of serious intensity, almost anger. "I do not," he said firmly.
"But—"
"I do not," he insisted, cutting her off. His eyes bore into hers, conveying a depth of emotion that words could not. "There is no one else. There never will be."
Nuria felt a mixture of relief and heartbreak at his words. They both knew the reality of their situation was more complicated than simple declarations of love.
Taking a deep breath, she put a hand on one of her temples, soothing her mounting headache. "Considering your lifespan, that is an empty promise and we both know it. Or does ever and never actually have an expiration date for you? A century? A millennia?”
He didn’t look surprised that she knew, but it took him a long moment before he replied flatly.
“I cannot answer without breaking my promise”
Nuria huffed a laugh in response. Neither said more for a while, so she took the initiative “Just promise me you'll be careful and won't shut yourself off from the world."
"I promise," Solas replied, his voice softening. "And you must promise me that you will take care of yourself and share your duties. I'm here now, I want to help."
"I promise," Nuria said, managing a small smile.
They walked back to the group while Nuria told him about Ava in elvhen, the air between them still thick but considerably less than before. As they approached the Vhenadahl, they saw the others waiting, their expressions a mix of curiosity and concern.
"Is everything alright?" Zore asked, her eyes flicking between Nuria and Solas.
Nuria nodded. "Yes, we're fine. Just needed to clear the air."
Solas gave a small nod in agreement, his demeanor more subdued but sincere. "Thank you all for your concern. I apologize for causing worry."
As they settled down for breakfast under the Vhenadahl, the group couldn't ignore what just happened. Zore's eyes were locked onto Solas, her anger barely contained. The others exchanged uneasy glances, sensing the impending confrontation.
"Clear the air, huh?" Zore said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "You mean to tell me you just casually spent the night out with another, and we're supposed to believe everything is fine now?"
Nuria intervened "Zore, thank you, but there's no need. We cleared the air, it's fine"
Zore shook her head, her anger not yet abated. "And what about you, Ilia? You were devastated yesterday. Now you're defending him? How can you be so calm?"
Nuria took a deep breath, looking at Zore in the eyes and holding her hand, her expression calm and gentle. "I'm fine, Zore."
Zore's expression softened slightly, but her eyes still held a spark of defiance. "Fine. But Kael, if you hurt her again, I won't just sit by."
Solas nodded, a hint of respect in his eyes for Zore's fierce loyalty. He couldn’t recruit her, but she would protect Nuria. That was a fair trade. "I understand, Zore. I have no intention of causing Ilia any more distress."
Arven seemed to thoroughly enjoy himself, apparently their suffering was incredibly interesting to watch. He didn't dare ask questions right there, but he was itching to ask Zore more, and he surely would in private.
When Nuria got distracted from eating and just kept chatting with Zore, Solas silently placed a pear on her lap, peeled and quartered on a wooden dish, just like she always did. When she looked up at him, he was going back to his spot while absently peeling another pear. Zore stared daggers at him and made sure Nuria's plate was never empty, until she begged her friend to stop.
-
SOLAS
At Lord Aldridge’s mansion, Solas was welcomed with all the respect the man was capable of for an elf in his new role. Aldridge knew he was part of the inner circle of the Inquisitor and that he was a mage. Somehow it really excited him to have a mage advisor to the Inquisitor pushing papers for him. Maybe because he didn't know who the Inquisitor among his servants was, and he was the highest ranking member of the Inquisition he had direct access to.
But it wasn't just that. Maybe it was the new power he garnered, but sometimes he saw people instinctively treating him differently, despite him containing the power within himself. He saw a spark of something in Nuria's eyes when she saw him, but he was too overwhelmed by her presence to investigate, and now he dared not speak to her unless strictly necessary.
But Aldridge also became rigid when he first saw him, and sometimes looked at him like he was blinded by a light. That gave him a twisted satisfaction that was short lived. The man reacted with reverence to his being different, apart from other elves, his staff did not.
As soon as he was left alone for the first time in the office, it began. The butler came in with his back particularly straight, his nose particularly scrunched, and with a whole air of disdain emanating from him. He got near Solas’ desk, where he was silently accounting for taxes Aldridge had to pay, and he loudly started to count.
“One, two, three, four, five and six” the man looked at him pointedly and arched an eyebrow, waiting for the elf’s reaction. He didn’t get any. That, of course, didn’t deter him from continuing the monologue he surely practiced while he was standing behind the door for a while.
“There are six glass quills here, elf, I expect to find them all again once you leave tonight”
Solas interrupted his work for just a second before returning to it. Nuria told him not to respond, and he put her through enough since he got here, he would not stoop so low, if anything else, for her sake. The man looked incredibly offended by the notion that he would not interrupt his work on behalf of his petty provocation, so, of course, he stepped it up.
He leaned in closer, his voice dripping with condescension as he continued.
“Doesn't matter how fancy you dress up, or how important you pretend to be in front of Lord Aldridge. We all know your kind. Quick with your hands—whether it’s with bows or stealing things that don’t belong to you."
Solas maintained his composure, his hand calmly guiding the quill across the parchment as he accounted for the taxes, not giving the butler a reaction. Inside, though, he could feel the ember of his temper flickering—an anger that threatened to rise, just beneath the surface, the wound of his heart saying that she would make herself forget him still raw.
The butler’s frustration simmered as he realized Solas wouldn’t take the bait. He moved closer, leaning his weight on the desk as he stared him down. “So quiet, aren't you? Like a little dog, just waiting for scraps from the table. It’s not the kind of job for your kind—maybe more suited to mucking out stables or cleaning floors, wouldn't you say?" He grinned, but there was no humor in it.
His eyes flicked up for just a moment, meeting the butler's gaze—calm, but with an unmistakable depth of power behind them.
"You may say what you wish," Solas finally spoke, his voice steady, measured. Then returned to his work, seemingly unaffected.
The rest of the day, the butler spent hovering over Solas’ shoulder, watching every single number he wrote and trying to catch him in a mistake that never came. He sometimes thought he found some, but those were in actuality his miscalculations or just Solas jumping three steps ahead of what the human could understand.
The human also made the abacus he was using disappear during a break, giving him a chance of dropping the pretense of using one, and started seething when Solas just kept quietly to his work without the need of one. He masked his satisfaction, as any other emotion, and his quiet dignity contrasted magnificently with the human’s rising temper. It was almost fun in itself.
Any thought of satisfaction died in the afternoon.
He was taking a stack of paper from the room he worked in to the archives on the lower floor, and took a moment to explore further than he should, familiarizing with the territory. He saw a glimpse of Nuria’s red bob disappearing behind a door in front of him, and from an adjacent room, the scandalized gossip of a younger voice reached him.
“The little whore.” there was contempt in that voice. His blood boiled instantly. He could be insulted all day long and it wouldn’t affect him, but not Nuria. Another young voice replied.
“She couldn’t have caught the handsome commander’s attention now, can she?” a soft sound of fabrics, a woman walking,
“Maybe he just needs…attention, after a long journey without a woman” the two young voices snickered.
“Elves are always ready for it when they smell coin, don’t they?” an older voice commented, the first two huffed laughs in response
“Do not worry, you’re noble blooded humans . Even if the rumors were true the commander surely wouldn’t be looking for a match into the Alienage of all places” more rustling of fabric, someone standing.
“It’s a good idea to make a move now. If the Inquisition prevails, you’ll be able to stake your claim as he gets raised to nobility.” A fan opening “Until then, you can’t blame a man for getting his needs met in whatever way he finds available.”
Solas’ fingers tightened around the stack of papers he was carrying, his knuckles white from the pressure. The words echoed in his mind, their venom sinking into him like jagged barbs. The insult to Nuria, the callous degradation, the arrogance of their laughter—they were not even worthy of kissing her feet.
One of the younger voices continued, dripping with condescension. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s bedding half the Alienage too. They're all the same. The innocent face? Just a facade.”
"Cheap and available," the older voice added, her words oozing with disdain. "And if she thinks she can get ahead by spreading her legs, she's mistaken."
Solas felt his jaw clench. These women—petty, thoughtless, ignorant—had no idea who they were talking about. Nuria was worth more than they could ever comprehend, and a world where she was considered inferior by people like them really deserved to burn to ashes.
"Well, maybe we should thank her," one of the younger women said, laughing softly. "At least she’s keeping him entertained, right? Clearing the way for the rest of us."
"Right," the older voice chimed in. "As long as she knows her place."
Solas made himself walk away from the conversation, before the women insulted Nuria further and he could sealed the door and set the whole room on fire. He should avoid that. He turned onto his heel and did what he was supposed to do before returning to his place. He couldn’t help but wonder if Nuria kept him out of the main house to protect him or to keep him from witnessing humiliations like those.
-
When the shift was over, and he stood outside waiting for Nuria and her entourage to join him, he didn't expect Varric to wander about.
“Chuckles, just the man I was looking for” he said with one of his wide smiles, accosting him. Varric had that rare quality that made him blend wherever he was, welcome in any setting. High town seemed to suit him just as much as the Hanged Man. The dwarf observed him for a few seconds before he patted him on his back, as high as he could reach and said.
“That bad uh? Something happened with Glimmer?” he adjusted his belt and added “I knew it would happen, just didn’t have anyone to bet against. I’m seeing you all tonight, but you and me Chuckles? We need to talk. I got some good wine home, if you’re interested.”
Solas smiled genuinely, something that rarely happened with anyone but Nuria. For once, he didn’t mind being read so easily. He had to ask him about the images he saw anyway, an invitation was the best way to catch him alone, and not have Nuria divine his intentions.
Varric mirrored his smile and pat him again on his back “That’s the spirit. If I can keep you happy with just the promise of wine, Chuckles will fit you like a shoe in no time”
Nuria and the others emerged, and Varric huffed heavily seeing her. If he could manage a sleepless night without signs lingering on his face, Nuria did look like someone that’s been through something. Varric linked arms with her and declared “To the Hanged Man, my friend Fenris is waiting and eager to see all of you” and in that sentence there seemed to be a kind of humor he did not understand just yet.
-
After spending a few minutes with Fenris, he did understand. Fenris was a warrior scarred with the kind of Vallaslin he did not expect to witness in this era, June’s masterwork for his armies of slaves, but by the haunted look on the man’s face, he never really recovered from the trauma of that cruel process. Solas couldn’t imagine the process being anything but horrifying, especially done without any magic or their technology. Not that it was designed with the slave’s comfort in mind to begin with.
What interested him the most however, was the fact that the man was clearly attracted to Nuria. He was intensely looking at her from the moment she came through the door, and he was not subtle in the way he gauged him and his closeness–or lack thereof, with her. He did not miss her distress, and of course was hostile with him. But from what he read and heard from Varric, he fully expected that, just not that the main reason for his dislike would be Nuria. That put a wrench on the wistful idea he had of recruiting him.
Another obvious thing was that Nuria didn’t seem to notice this, or at least the reason for Fenris' behavior. For all her cunning in other areas of life, when it came to people manifesting interest in her, she was utterly naive. To an extreme. It happened with Cullen, with various people they met during their adventures, and now with Fenris. It was interesting seeing her combating his hostility with all the wrong weapons, and considering they were there to introduce Fenris to him and his entourage, the situation was all the more charming.
His focus wasn’t helped by Cole, giving his commentary on the situation
“He hurts, blisters next to her. She's the fresh water he needs to calm the burning, but he can’t touch her, or she will disappear. She burns for the mage.” Solas said nothing, even as the spirit reappeared just behind Nuria. He still didn’t let her see him, and as Solas looked at his drink he went on with his usual guilt-inducing recount of her suffering because of him.
“Hollow, sorrow, an emptiness that aches and never heals. At the bottom of it, still a glimmer of hope left. That is what makes it hurt so much. But I’ll forget soon, and die in peace.”
He took a big gulp, and Varric was staring at him worriedly, going between him, Nuria and Fenris assessing the situation and just how much he should get involved. He should think about the amulet. It was almost completed, he just needed to reinforce the spells that would not make it possible for Nuria to detect his location.
“You can just tell her and the hurting will stop, for both of you”.
A sigh.
VARRIC
That situation was really messy. As a storyteller he couldn’t help but love seeing the drama unfold, but as a friend of all the parties involved…he was at a loss. He could push in any direction, but all potentially lead to disaster. He didn’t make Nuria for the person that could cause a total of three men to lose their minds for her, but maybe it was precisely the fact that she wasn’t trying to seduce anyone but kept on with all her good deeds and being kind to everyone that made them fall. He felt like this situation was so absurd it would fit in one of his smutty novels with no need to exaggerate the truth.
However, he was surprised by Fenris. That was a curveball, even for him. He couldn’t say he was properly in love yet, but he surely was intense around her. He would have never thought of seeing him so taken with someone he had just met a few times. He was in his way protecting her from ‘a mage’ and maybe that intensified the feelings that were just blooming in him, and in a weird way, the way Nuria’s calm, soothing and gentle behavior really suited his intense personality, softening him, if by inches. He seemed to have forgotten that Nuria was a mage too. But he better take the lead before Solas drunk his own weight in ale and started acting weird. He had never seen him drunk, and surely it must be an experience, but he would prefer not to have it right now. He did not want to have to separate the two.
The rest of the group seemed exasperated already by the whole thing, and Merrill seemed extremely uncomfortable. Everyone, except for Loran and Fedin, that were starting to enjoy the night already, away from the group chatting up their next conquest.
Nuria tried to shift the focus away from the situation with the one thing the two surely had in common: work. “Varric, have you had any luck finding the entrance to the Deep Roads from that map I gave you?”
Varric shook his head. “Not yet. It’s a work in progress, but I’m making headway. The map’s details are tricky, but I’m hopeful.”
Nuria nodded, looking for something else to distract the group, but he had the perfect thing.
“I got Pebbles positioned and ready” he announced, capturing everyone’s attention.
“Now that we have three people that can help her, I think you should just go to her and do whatever it is that you can do. She’s just a day away from Kirkwall”. He saw Nuria sighing in relief and Solas' eyes lighting up. Fenris stared at Solas for another second, before turning to him. The others were just relieved. Nuria took the word.
“How long do you think it should take?”
The dwarf shrugged “I would say a couple days, no more, if you manage to help her quickly. It's up to you three. You could sleep in a camp of folks I know. Rowdy crowd, but good people, you wouldn’t need to worry about night attacks”
Nuria nodded, looked quickly around the table, and he could see her head working.
“Since it's just out of Kirkwall, just the three of us is enough” she looked at her subordinates, ”You should stay here and make sure Marcellus doesn't make any move and there are no more kidnappings.”
Zore seemed ready to protest, looking at Solas with hatred, but didn't say anything and just obeyed her boss' command.
“Sheranna, warn Aldridge and tell him he should say that we were needed on some task or other at the country mansion, he'll figure it out” Nuria continued with her Inquisitorial voice “We'll leave the day after tomorrow. Zore, Fedin, tomorrow scout and make sure the way out of the city is clear” she turned to the only one left out “Loran, tomorrow you'll gather the resources we'll need, I'll make a list.”
Then to Merrill “Are you able to leave for a few days?” Daisy nodded with that sweet smile of hers.
Nuria responded with one of hers. “Good, thank you”
Then turned to Solas and asked “When is the amulet going to be ready?”
He replied with his classic ‘Chuckles that doesn't want you to understand what he's thinking’ tone “It’s almost finished, it I'll deliver it by tomorrow night.”
Nuria looked away from him as soon as she could and was about to say something, when Fenris, with his classic ‘Broody clipped tone that wants attention but is never going to admit it’ proposed “I think I should come with you, in case templars show up.”
Nuria looked at the table for a moment, deep in thought, and when she emerged, she talked like using the wrong word would shatter glass or, in this case, anger Fenris more than Solas’ presence already did.
“It’s a short trip, and I think most people should be here in case something major happens while we’re gone” she smiled softly to add “But thank you for offering to come, it’s very thoughtful of you” Varric had to stifle a chuckle.
Knowing Nuria she intended it as her standard sweet show of consideration for one of her allies, but poor Fenris was stunned for several seconds. You could swear he got bashed by a shield. Surely Nuria didn’t want Solas and Fenris to have a dick measuring contest on a simple mission. Varric had to stifle another chuckle. She was so naive with this. He glanced at Solas, that had that face.
Fenris didn’t say anything and resumed his brooding, leaving Nuria to relax her shoulders. The chatter and the ale resumed its due course.
-
Fedin was chatting up a young elven woman, and Loran elbowed Solas and grinned.
“Look at her,” Loran said, nodding toward a blonde elven woman who was stealing glances at Solas a few tables away. “Is she the one from yesterday? Are you going to spend the night out again tonight?”
Varric, curious, turned to Loran. “What are you talking about?”
Loran elaborated, “Kael disappeared last night and came back this morning. Word is, he had some company .”
Varric’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Really? Him ?”
Varric turned to Nuria, who went completely stiff and looked at the bottom of her ale like something interesting was happening in there. A ballet maybe. He looked back at Solas, skeptical.
“I didn’t expect my private affairs to be the topic of discussion,” Solas said coolly. “But yes, I did spend the night with someone.” He was acting nonchalantly, relaxed. That was the most suspicious thing. Him, relaxed? Relaxed? Nonchalant? No.
Varric raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing a single word.
Zore and Sheranna were staring daggers at Solas, Zore in particular looked ready to pounce at the first sign of movement.
Loran, noticing Zore’s ire, tried to downplay the situation. “Since they aren’t together, he can have fun as he likes. Besides, she has Cullen.”
Ignoring the tension, Loran took the initiative and went to approach the blonde woman. Solas protested, his voice low and tense. “Loran, this isn’t necessary.”
Nuria stood up. “It’s time for me to leave.” She said calmly, with an empty smile, not betraying anything.
Solas reached out, trying to stop her. “Ilia, wait…”
She turned to him with a strained smile. “Loran is right. Go and enjoy your night.”
Nuria, Zore, Merrill and Sheranna walked out of the Hanged Man, leaving the rest behind. The tension in the room seemed to follow them, but as she walked away, Nuria and Solas looked equally heart broken. He fully expected him to do something stupid when he reached Kirkwall, but not something catastrophic. What had he done?
Now it was Fenris' turn to stare daggers at Solas. What a mess. Thank Andraste and her shiny butt Cullen wasn’t there.
Just as Solas seemed ready to down another ale like it was water, Loren came back to the table with the blonde he was talking about and a couple of friends. One was chatting with Loran and the other seemed more interested in her drink. The blonde sat next to Solas, and took a breath to speak, but before she could even start he shut her off.
“ No. ” with a tone that could freeze a boiling pot. The woman recoiled with the intensity of the rejection, and was now blushing with embarrassment.
Fenris just left with a grunt, probably headed to the shadowiest corner of Kirkwall to brood about Nuria. And that left them alone
Varric shook his head. “You know, Chuckles, you’re doing a terrible job of convincing anyone that you actually spent the night with someone.”
Solas sighed, running a hand through his scalp. "It's complicated, Varric."
Varric raised an eyebrow. "Everything's complicated with you, Chuckles. But this—" he gestured to the door where Zore, Sheranna, and Nuria had retired— "this seems different. You're not the type to casually break her heart and sleep around." In response the elf grabbed Nuria’s abandoned tankard and finished it with one gulp.
“What happened with Ilia? You just arrived” he pointed out, a hint of a smile on his face, despite the seriousness of the topic. That man was the smartest and the dumbest person he had ever met.
Solas leaned against the table, staring into his drink. "You remember our conversation? I have no choice. I told her. She told me that once our business with ‘Tevinter’ is done, she'll ask Cole to make her forget." Corypheus.
“Forget what? The ‘hurt’ connected to your relationship?”
“He can’t make her forget that without making her forget me entirely” he downed the entire tankard of ale that had arrived in the meantime, emptying it.
“Oh…OH” Varric followed him in taking a gulp of the delicious bittered water down ale they were having “That’s…” he, for once, lacked an immediate response.
“It is” confirmed Solas, leaning back and staring at the ceiling. After a few moments, he called the attention of the serving woman, to ask for another round. The seventh, or eighth, if he counted correctly.
Varric frowned, crossing his arms. "And you would be ok with being a complete stranger to her? And what does this have to do with your little recital?"
"She asked me to help her forget me in the meantime. It is…difficult for her, the current situation."
Varric's eyes widened in understanding. “So, you’re doing this to make it easier for her.”
Solas nodded slowly "She asked me to help her forget me, to make it easier for her when the time comes. If she believes I've moved on, it might hurt less when she does."
Varric let out a low whistle. "That’s a heavy burden to carry. But are you sure this is the best way?"
Solas looked down, his voice barely a whisper. "It’s the only way I can think of, Varric. Every moment I spend with her only deepens the connection, makes it harder for both of us. She despises Lotharios."
“And this little recital should make her feel better?”
He sighs "She knows it didn't happen, she's too smart to believe that. I've actually spent the night out tearing out criminals in Lowtown. She knows, but still..."
Varric raised an eyebrow, a hint of a smirk playing on his lips. "So, you went on a vigilante spree in Lowtown, and she knows about it? That’s some dedication, Chuckles."
Solas managed a small, tired smile. "It's the only thing I could think of to take my mind off her and to make myself useful. But she saw through it. She always does."
Varric shook his head in disbelief. "You know, for a guy with all the answers, you sure find yourself in some complicated messes. Maybe it's time to try a different approach. Being honest, perhaps?"
Solas looked down at his hands, the weight of Varric's words settling heavily on his shoulders. "Honesty isn't always the best path, Varric. Not when the truth could break her."
Varric leaned back, his expression thoughtful. "Maybe. But have you considered that she's stronger than you give her credit for? Maybe she can handle the truth."
“I can’t. But she's asked this of me, and I have to honor her wishes."
“You’d be honest with her if you wanted to honor her wishes, but you know what, I’m not fighting you on this anymore, there’s something more important we have to discuss.”
Somehow Solas had managed to drain another tankard in the span it took him to complete the sentence. He never pictured him as someone that could hold his liquor.
“How many did you have already?”
“This is basically water” he retorted.
Varric chuckled and shook his head slowly. Loran and Fedin were engaged with their respective flirts for the night, it was only the two of them left, but what he wanted to tell him was too delicate to talk about in a busy tavern, with the blonde woman from before that went back to the bar but was silently throwing daggers at him and the publicness of it all.
“Alright, how about we go taste the wine I mentioned Chuckles?” He asked nonchalantly, standing.
“You boys enjoy your night, I’ll take care of him” he gestured for Loran and Fedin that suddenly turned. They waited for Solas to nod before leaving. Were the Inquisition people always this obedient?
“C’mon Chuckles, we have some bottles to open.”
-
Back in his home–he refused to call it a mansion–in front of the warm hearth of his office and two glasses of good Antivan wine, the world seemed a little less grim, or at least, Chuckle did.
They started talking about Kirkwall, and he asked about some landmarks that anyone that had lived in that crazy city for a while knew by heart. He was glad Chuckles was open to explore the place, even if just to brood around. Speaking of.
“I didn’t invite you here just to talk about my favorite places in this shithole,” he started, pouring the third glass of wine for Solas, that was starting to show the first signs of drunkenness, combining what he had back at the Hanged Man and here. He sighed, bracing himself for the inevitable talk that would follow by draining his glass At least he made a satisfied sound afterwards.
“So you’re still sure you want to let her go? You’re convinced you can stop loving her?”
“Oh” he said with a humorless smile “I’m entirely convinced I cannot stop loving her,” he paused again, reflecting on something. When he came out of it he added “Ever will.”
“Then just stop with the masochism” he sighed “You’ve seen Fenris, right? He hates everyone . He met her two whole times, and he’s already taken.” he scratched his head “Let’s say she really forgets you ever existed and starts a new life. Can you just let it happen? Whilst loving her?” they had a similar talk in Skyhold, but maybe that thick bald skull of his needed some repeating. And he wasn't drinking then.
Solas stared into the fire, the flickering flames reflecting in his glass of wine. His face was pensive, weary, as if he was picturing it, and his decisions were crashing down all at once. He let Varric's question hang in the air for a long moment, the crackling of the hearth the only sound between them.
"I don't have a choice," Solas finally said, his voice low and resigned. "This isn't about what I want. It never has been. Or I would...I would" he drank deeply from his glass and said a few things in Elvish he didn’t understand, interrupting himself, and shaking his head saying what probably was a no a few times. The tone was clear.
“I didn't understand a word of that, you have to keep talking in Common, or this conversation is going to become very one sided.” He patted Solas on a shoulder and he got another sip of wine, straightening himself a bit. His perfect posture cracked and he was slumping on the chair. If he told anyone, they would never believe him.
“Whatever it is, do that instead of drinking with me.” instead of responding, Solas downed another glass, and when the bottle on the table ran out he just levitated another from the crate and opened it magically. It landed in his hand and he filled the glass with gusto. He then drank another generous amount. His ears were red and his eyes glazed.
Varric raised an eyebrow, leaning back in his chair, his fingers tracing the rim of his glass. "Look, Chuckles, I've been around enough tangled love stories to know that sometimes you don’t get to ride off into the sunset with the person you care about. But this… this sounds like you're sentencing yourself to misery."
Solas gave a bitter chuckle, the sound almost lost in the soft pop of the firewood. "You misunderstand. It is not only my misery. It’s hers, too. I cannot... I will not force her to endure the pain that comes from being bound to me.”
Varric leaned forward, his tone growing more serious. “Alright, maybe Cole can take away the memory. But I’ve seen enough people in my life to know that love like that doesn’t just vanish. Even if she can’t remember you, she’ll feel it. Something will gnaw at her, and you know it. Maybe she doesn’t remember your name, but she’ll remember the ache.”
Solas paused, gripping the edge of the table as his eyes flickered with anguish. “It’s better this way.”
“Better for who? You or her?” Varric shot back, his voice sharpening. He wasn’t trying to be harsh, but damn it, someone had to say it. “You’re acting like you’re doing her a favor, but you're just taking a choice away from her”
He answered immediately, but not in a way Varric would have ever expected “I have never been in love before” Solas confessed, with a defeated expression Varric would have never thought of seeing on him. The elf continued “I did think I was a few times, but it was never like this. Never so potent and soul consuming, never so strong to turn me away from everything” Solas passed a hand through his scalp “And in my youth I was so amused by people deeply in love. I chastised my Sylvun’elan so much for that. How love made her blind, pliable. She would love seeing me like this.”
“Your…?”
“You could say…” He paused and thought deeply, like the next words were fighting to escape his mouth. Probably only the wine and whatever happened with Nuria led him to finally say,
“My…mother”
Varric blinked, taken aback for a moment. Solas never spoke of his past, and even more rarely of those who had shaped him. The somber confession, the mention of his "mother," added a new layer to the elf that Varric wasn’t sure he was prepared to unpack.
Varric leaned forward, genuinely intrigued now. “So, your… mother? She wanted you to feel what it’s like to be in love? Sounds like she knew you pretty well.”
Solas chuckled softly, a bitter sound tinged with regret. "She was wiser than I gave her credit for. I thought I knew everything back then. I believed that I could keep myself from the foolishness of love. But she saw through me."
His gaze drifted to the fire, lost in the memories. "She loved deeply, fiercely, but with such clarity. I mocked her for it in my arrogance. Told her that love made her weak, clouded her judgment. And she would just laugh, like she knew something I didn’t.’"
He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I never believed her. Not then, at least. I thought myself above it. I filled my time with…distractions.They were all just that—brief flickers, easy to extinguish once I tired of them.”
Varric raised an eyebrow. "And she gave you hell for that?" He couldn't believe Chuckles was the type to do that stuff, but he wasn't about to stop this spell by pointing it out.
Solas huffed a quiet laugh, though there was little amusement in it. And he drank deeply. “She wished for me to experience what she did. To stop treating everything like a strategy to win or a puzzle to solve. She wanted me to feel the madness and clarity that only love can bring. But I dismissed it, laughed at her.”
“And now you’ve got it,” Varric said, pouring more wine. “You’ve got it bad.”
Solas sighed, running his hand over his head again, a gesture that seemed to be growing more habitual. “I have. And now, I understand why she was always amused by me. Why she let me go on thinking I was invincible, untouchable. She knew I would fall one day, and that when I did, it would be catastrophic.”
Varric tilted his head, watching him carefully. "So what would she say now, seeing you like this? Torn up about a woman you can't be with, planning to make her forget you?"
Solas closed his eyes, as if trying to conjure her presence. “She would chastise me. Not for loving Nuria, but for thinking I could take her choice away.”
Varric’s voice softened. "So why are you still doing it, Solas? Why go through with this if you know she’d hate it?"
Solas opened his eyes, the firelight reflecting in them as he looked at Varric. “Because love killed her. I was right. It made her blind and pliable and it killed her.”
Varric stared at Solas, the weight of the words hanging in the air between them like a thick fog. "Love... killed her?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
Solas nodded slowly, his eyes distant, staring into the flames as if he could see the past reflected in them. "It was love that blinded her to the dangers around her, to the betrayals. And it was her end."
Varric took a sip of his wine, letting the silence stretch. He wasn't sure what to say. Solas, always so composed, was unraveling before him. For once, the facade of the wise, distant apostate was gone, replaced by something raw, broken.
Varric let out a long breath, the gravity of Solas’s confession sinking in. "That’s why you’re pushing Nuria away," he said slowly, as if piecing together a puzzle. "You think if you let yourself love her, you’ll be repeating the same mistake."
Solas gave a sharp nod, his jaw tight. "I won’t be the reason her very spirit breaks, Varric. I won’t."
Varric set his glass down, leaning forward. “Then let's play a game. Let's pretend this danger you talk about isn't in the picture. She's here, in front of you, just the two of you. What would you do?”
Solas shook his head and drained his glass, then another. He tried to say something multiple times, but stopped himself, like saying out loud what he wanted was an unforgivable crime. He was slumping on his chair now, positively drunk. While slumping, he stared at the ceiling a while and then finally replied with a satisfied look and a few lines in Elvish. He knew that look on any man, he didn't need to understand to know what it meant.
Then he paused and smiled in a way he glimpsed sometimes when he was with Nuria. It was sweet. It felt like the first cooling breeze after the heat of the summer and the first warm day of spring, all wrapped up together.
Varric smiled. The poor man was in it deep. It was something he would have never thought he'd witness, then Solas said something else, a few words, slowly, almost like he savored them on the tip of his tongue. A treat you shouldn't indulge in but tastes twice as sweet exactly because of that.
Finally his face turned sour and he laughed bitterly, before resting his elbows on his knees and cradling his head. Wish he said it all in Common.
“I don't know what any of that means, but it sounded like something very filthy at the beginning.” he said to lighten up the mood.
Solas looked at Varric surprised, like he didn't realize he talked out loud, then paused, was about to say something but didn't and looked away.
Then it was something dirty.
If every time Solas drank that wine acted like that he would drain Antiva dry.
“I’m not made of stone, Varric.”
“Could’ve fooled me,” Varric teased. “But that’s good. For a guy who’s so determined to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders, it’s nice to know you still think about... you know, the simple things.”
“It’s something natural isn't it? To want the woman you love.” He paused again, started in Elvish, shook his head and then continued in common “I would gladly pass the torch and the responsibility sometimes, just take Nuria and run away from it all, just give her what she…we want. Instead I'm hurting her, over and over. Have you seen her?” He cradled his head in his hands again “Tired, stressed, heartbroken, and her diminished weight. She deserves so much better than that,” he let his head go and slumped some more “So much better than me.”
Varric paused and blinked. He noticed Nuria had lost some meat on her but thought it normal. Elves were all too skinny in his eyes.
He tried to remember back at Skyhold. She would lose some when big things were happening, he never really thought much of that. But he suddenly had a flash of it all: seeing Solas march around with food, headed for her quarters. Pushing a plate towards her during meals, when she talked and got distracted. Announcing it was meal time during meetings.
“You…took care of her” Varric had just realized that. He never connected the dots.
“She did the same for me. Still is, in ways I'm discovering.”
Varric chuckled “Is there anyone she doesn’t take care of?” then stared at Solas. He didn’t realize before how much attention and care was in their relationship, especially on his part. He never expected Solas to be so open about that, or to be caring like that.
“So with all of that, with all of this love from both parts, you really think she could forget. You don’t think she would feel it anyway? She would feel something missing there, something important. You shouldn’t give that up. Whatever it is, you should give her a choice.”
“This way I save her the pain of…” he blinked too many times, stifling a burp.
A burp.
Solas, the stuck up mage. None would believe it.
“I shouldn’t have allowed myself to get involved in the first place. It would have been kinder in the long run”
Varric sighed, leaning back in his chair.
"You’re not wrong, but damn, you’re stubborn. I get it, you’re trying to do the noble thing. But you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, she’d want to choose?"
Solas stared at him for a long moment, then downed the last of his wine. Varric shook his head, pouring them both another round. “You know, Chuckles, I’ve seen a lot of people ruin their lives trying to do what they think is right. I just hope you’re not one of them.”
Solas gave a hollow laugh. “I suspect I already am.”
Varric sighed “So this is your answer?”
He waited for him to reply. Waited and waited, but he never did. He just stared at the floor with a blank expression on his face. Varric sighed. If the man was resigned to sentence himself to misery, he could not make him change his mind forcefully. He could just try and help Nuria. Now that he was so open, he needed to talk about what Nuria told him. It made him lose some sleep, and he needed answers. Bethany hadn’t replied yet.
“Glimmer’s hand…is getting worse, she told me that she went to a spirit asking for help but… it said there was nothing to do, that she’s going to die. Have you seen her hand? What do you think? Can spirits be wrong?“
Solas’s blank expression faltered at Varric’s words, his gaze lifting from the floor with a sudden seriousness. He looked away from the fire, the flicker of flames casting shadows on his face, as if the warmth of the moment had vanished entirely. His hand tightened around the stem of his wine glass, but he didn’t drink.
“Not if I can help it.” he sighed heavily “I’m working to take that away from her.” There was something like pain in his face for a second there, and he leaned back “She asked a spirit?”
Varric nodded “We talked before you arrived. It was…she asked me to help her protect her odentity. She's convinced she's going to die, and she’s afraid the Chantry will erase her identity, or make her a lesser, modern Andraste.” He wet his lips “I don’t want to have to do that. You hear me?”
Solas widened his eyes and stood so abruptly Varric thought he was going to leave and find Nuria immediately, but he just stared at the fire, and passed his hand on his bare scalp again, slowly, harshly.
“When I came her anchor was worse than I thought it would be” he began “But I stabilized it, however…”
“It’s not enough” concluded Varric
Solas paced, a little wobbly, and then found his chair again, and his empty glass. Varric lost count of all he had drunk. When he finally spoke, he was looking at the fire again, slumped.
“I saw something in the Fade. Those landmarks will help me find something that might help her”
Varric stood abruptly “Why haven’t you told me? If it’s something to save her it’s a priority”
Solas was still for a few seconds, looking down, before meeting his gaze and saying “Because I don’t know if it’s a red herring, and if it doesn’t work I don’t want anyone else to have this on their conscience”
Varric crossed his arms, his brow furrowed in frustration. "That's not how this works, Solas. If there's even a chance of saving her, we need to know. We all care about her, and you can’t just carry this alone."
Solas sighed deeply, rubbing his temple as if the weight of the situation was bearing down on him. "I know you care about her. But I... I can't let hope turn into another burden if I fail. I've already brought too much pain into her life. You don't understand the gravity of the risk involved. If this goes wrong, it could—"
Varric cut him off sharply. "Yeah, yeah. 'It could make things worse.' But you don’t get to make all the decisions yourself, to keep all the information.”
Varric started pacing in the room, he was now angry with that stubborn man. Clearly exasperated, sat back down heavily. “You can’t just play hero and martyr at the same time. She needs you. And not just as some elusive ‘fixer’ in the background.”
Solas rubbed a hand over his face, letting out a long breath. “If I tell her and it doesn’t work, it will break her, Varric. I’ve already broken her heart once.” His voice cracked slightly, revealing the depth of his guilt. “I don’t know if she could bear more from me.”
Varric softened at that, the edge of his frustration dulling. “You’re protecting her, in your own way. I see you, I understand. But she thinks she's going to die soon. She needs hope, she needs the man she loves to stand by her.”
Solas closed his eyes for a moment, as if battling with himself. He knew Varric was right, but the fear of failing her was a constant, gnawing weight in his chest. “I don’t want to give her more pain.”
Varric leaned forward again, his tone serious but kind. “Then don’t keep her in the dark. Tell her the truth. Let her decide. She’s earned that.”
Solas closed his eyes again, mind racing. “This chance is connected to our mission. I will not tell her unless I’m sure it’s something that can help. In the meantime, I’ll keep the anchor under control, and if worse comes worse…” he cracked his free hand, eyes lost in the fire.
“Keeping stuff again?”
“Before you make me say too much, yes. This wine is my favorite, I can’t believe it still exist, I shouldn’t drink anymore.”
Varric chuckles “If it loosens your tongue like this I will order a whole barrel a week”
Solas stood with a small smile, ready to leave.
“Chuckles. Before you go. I can’t make you change your mind, but…I regret my choice with Bianca every single day. I wish that you wouldn’t make my same mistake.”
He turned. Varric thought he would say something, he could almost read words in his eyes, but he never did. After a time he looked down and then back at him and said
"I do not have a choice to make, only consequences to bear."
And with that, he left.