Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

[Links Fight Chain]

#welcome

9 people have entered the server.

Mr. Captain Wind: Hello and welcome! You’re probably wondering why I’ve gathered you all here today. You see, we all share a name! This exact date in a year, 12:00 PM, meet at these coordinates, we fight, whoever wins gets to keep the name, everyone else has to change their name, you have a year to prepare, good luck. 

Mr. Captain Wind attached a location.

LinkDownfall Official: What the actual fuck?

Mr. Captain Wind has pinned a message.

Mr. Captain Wind: Feel free to change your usernames, invite any other Links you might know, and talk in #general.

#general

Colors (they/them)[🎨]: I don’t care that much about keeping the name, but I’ll totally fight you over it anyway

Mr. Captain Wind: That’s the spirit! Also oh yeah pronouns, should probably make some roles for those. Or everyone please put yours on your name/introduce yourselves?

Mr. Captain Wind changed their username to Mr. Captain Wind (he/him)

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): There we go. I’m Link, you can call me Wind! My pronouns are he/him.

Colors (they/them)[🎨]: Four’s an okay nickname, I use they/them.

LinkDownfall Official changed their username to Legend (she/they)

Colors (they/them)[🎨] changed their name to Four (they/them)[🎨]

Legend (she/they): What it says in the name, I guess.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): Was LinkDownfall taken? Why the Official lol

Legend (she/they): I use Discord for important business stuff a lot.

NotLinkle: Fair enough. I’m just Warriors. He/Him.

NotLinkle changed their username to Warriors (he/him)

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): So… What’s up with the Linkle part? 👀

Warriors (he/him): Matching names with my sister Linkle. I can try to invite her if you want me to, but she doesn’t use Discord much.

Time (he/they): Fair enough. I don’t use it much, myself, but I thought there’d be no harm in joining this. You can call me Time, I don’t care much about pronouns, but he/they is usually what I go by.

thegenderfae: So valid! Lemme change mine real quick

thegenderfae changed their username to Hyrule (they/fae)

Hyrule (they/fae): There we go. You use the second one as fae/faer/faers/faerself.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him) has pinned a message.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): Thank you for the explanation! And welcome!

Hyrule (they/fae): Of course!

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Fellow theys, wonderful.

Hyrule (they/fae): lmao

Gordon Wildsay: Very gender of you all. Uh… I’m Wild? My pronouns change a lot, but rn it’s she/her.

Legend (she/they): Hell yeah. Fellow she.

Gordon Wildsay: Yeah!

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): Oh yeah he’s not around rn but @/trainautismgobrr is my buddy Spirit, he uses he/him! 

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him) changed trainautismgobrr’s username to Spirit (he/him)

BirdWatcherSky: Cool! I’m Sky, I also use he/him. Lemme change my name real quick too.

BirdWatcherSky changed their username to Sky (he/him)

Warriors (he/him): Fellow hes, yay.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Are you all making fun of me? I will fight you.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): Yeah I’m pretty sure they are. It’s fine tho, we’re all gonna fight each other in a year anyway!

Four (they/them)[🎨]: … Sure.

Twilight (he/him): Hey

Mr. Captain Wind: Hi!

Twilight (he/him): How are you all doing?

Gordon Wildsay: Pretty well, woke up like 10 minutes ago to the invitation to the Discord.

Twilight (he/him): Wait are we all in different time zones? It’s almost 4pm here.

Gordon Wildsay: Nah it’s almost 4pm here too lol I was just tired.

Legend (she/they): Mood.

Twilight (he/him): Fair enough

Four (they/them)[🎨]: I’ve been here for like 5 minutes but I’ve gotta say, you guys are weird already.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): Nono we’re just special! Also if you’re here you’re probably included.

Sky (he/him): Hey, do we think maybe we should also say our ages? Or like, at least enough to know if we’re all adults or if some of us are minors? Internet safety and all of that?

Twilight (he/him): Good idea! I’m 24

Warriors (he/him): I’m 27.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): Whoops, I’m 14 lol and so is Spirit.

Sky (he/him): Oh dear. Well, I’m 25!

Four (they/them)[🎨]: I’m 17.

Legend (she/they): 23

Gordon Wildsay: I’m 21! 

Hyrule (they/fae): Oh, I’m 19. Didn’t think so many of you guys (/gender neutral) would be older than me.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): Just a bunch of old geezers and the 3 kids.

Legend (she/they): Watch it.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: @Time (he/they) what about you? 

Time (he/they): Wouldn’t you like to know.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): We would! That’s why we ask!

Time (he/they): Just know that I’m the oldest one here, based on what you have all said.

Legend (she/they): Now there’s an old geezer, I bet he’s at least 40 and doesn’t want us to know just how much older they are and still got dragged into this.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): Nono he’s gotta be at least 100. I bet he’s british, too /ref

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Ah, yes, the two genders: 40 year old man and 100 year old british man.

Time (he/they): Good genders. I still wouldn’t care about them.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Fair enough. And mood, honestly.

Legend (she/they): I’m guessing that means we don’t get an actual answer to our questions.

Time (he/they): No.

Legend (she/they): Understandable have a nice day.

Gordon Wildsay: And a nice gay?

Legend (she/they): That, too.

Gordon Wildsay: Thank you thank you, I aim to please.

Hyrule (they/fae): You’ve got some good aim, then.

Gordon Wildsay: Tee hee.

Hyrule (they/fae): No.

Gordon Wildsay: Okay lmao.

Spirit (he/him): Hi! 

Twilight (he/him): Hey

Spirit (he/him): I forgot Wind was inviting us to this today XD I see you guys are all getting along so far!

Hyrule (they/fae): I don’t know that I would call it that, but I mean, sure?

Four (they/them)[🎨]: For a bunch of people who got brought together 10 minutes ago because we share a name we’re gonna have to fight for, I would say we’re doing pretty well.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): Also! I forgot to say, but we all literally live in the same city lmao

Legend (she/they): We do?

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): Yeah! I wanted us to be able to actually get together somewhere to fight, although it did make it a lot harder to find people. I got a good number going, though!

Warriors (he/him): That makes sense. Did surprise me when timezones were mentioned earlier that we seemed to share one, but that explains it.

Spirit (he/him): Yeah, Wind was very particular about that XD (We already knew each other! He’s had this idea for ages now until a mutual friend helped him find people)

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): Do not expose me! 

Spirit (he/him): I’m not!

Legend (she/they): Nono, go ahead, I’m listening.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): Shut up!

Time (he/they): Children, children, stop arguing.

Twilight (he/him): Embracing the old man role I see

Time (he/they): Might as well, since you all seem to think I’m 100 and british (I am not british)

Twilight (he/him): Nothing to say about the 100 part?

Time (he/they): I will neither confirm nor deny that part.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): Ha! So I was right.

Legend (she/they): In your dreams, maybe.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: You were literally just told to stop arguing.

Legend (she/they): That sign won’t stop me because I can’t read.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Then you also can’t read Wind’s messages to bully him for.

Legend (she/they): Fuck.

Gordon Wildsay: lmao

Legend (she/they): Shut the fuck up.

Sky (he/him): Where did the ‘fellow she’ excitement go

Legend (she/they): It jumped out the window.

Gordon Wildsay: I’ve done that before!

Time (he/they): …

Gordon Wildsay: Several times(haha)!

Twilight (he/him): Anyway!

Chapter Text

[Links Fight Chain]

#welcome

1 person has entered the server.

NotLink: Hi! I’m @Warriors (he/him) ‘s sister, Linkle! I’m absolutely kicking all of your asses, by the way.

Warriors (he/him): You don’t even want the name.

NotLink: No, I just want to kick ass.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): I like her!

Legend (she/they): I was gonna say the same thing, now I’m not so sure I should, on principle.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): Hey!

NotLink: This is fun already! I don’t use Discord much, but I’ll be here lol

NotLink changed their username to BetterLinkle(she/her)

Legend (she/they): I have a great idea hold on.

Legend (she/they) changed Warriors (he/him)’s username to WorseWars (he/him)

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): WAIT

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): HOW THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): YOU DON’T HAVE THE PERMISSIONS FOR THAT?!

Legend (she/they): Discord said it’s my turn to be God today, you can have it back tomorrow.

WorseWars (he/him): I hate it here.

BetterLinkle (she/her): I like you Legend, you’re fun.

Legend (she/they): Thank you. I know I am.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): You know what

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): I’m not gonna question it anymore, get out of this channel now.

#general

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): Now for the real question, do I fix the permissions or is it funnier if I just leave it like it is rn?

Legend (she/they): Leave it like it is now.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): You don’t get a say in this you’re the reason I’m considering changing it.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Nono she’s right you should leave it like this!

Gordon Wildsay: The rule of funny always wins! Also hi

BetterLinkle (she/her): Hi!

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): Okay I’m leaving it like this.

WorseWars (he/him): I hate it here x2

BetterLinkle (she/her): No he doesn’t.

WorseWars (he/him): Shut up.

Legend (she/they): Ah, sibling relationships. Gonna be fun to have in here.

Twilight (he/him): You have any siblings, Legend? Hey, everyone

Legend (she/they): A twin sister, you’re not meeting her.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Fellow twins!

Legend (she/they): You two are twins?

WorseWars (he/him): Unfortunately.

Gordon Wildsay: lmao

BetterLinkle (she/her): He loves me, he’s just shy.

WorseWars (he/him): No I don’t.

Twilight (he/him): Welcome in Linkle, btw

BetterLinkle (she/her): Thanks!

WorseWars (he/him): Didn’t you say you have to go five minutes ago.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Shit you’re right. Bye everyone!

Spirit (he/him): Aw I missed her! How’s everyone else’s day going?

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Apparently Legend’s God today so I’m assuming she’s doing great.

Spirit (he/him): … I feel like I need some context for that?

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Check out #welcome lmao

Legend (she/they): Wind also hasn’t fixed the permissions, and Wars hasn’t changed his name back so that means I’m right.

WorseWars (he/him): Fuck you

Gordon Wildsay: WAIT THE NAMES I UNFERTILIZED NOW

Gordon Wildsay: … Understand*

Four (they/them)[🎨]: You what now

Time (he/they): How did you mistype it that badly?

Gordon Wildsay: I don’t know?? It just happened.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): lmao that’s a hilarious auto-correct.

Spirit (he/him): I’ve seen Wind do worse, but it is a very funny one!

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): Sh no you haven’t.

Spirit (he/him): If you say so!

Legend (she/they): Let him speak, I want to know.

Hyrule (they/fae): Hi everyone! Why are we mistyping things?

Gordon Wildsay: We’re not! That was an accident I swear.

Hyrule (they/fae): Oh! Okay. Was it a fun accident at least?

Gordon Wildsay: I mean, it’s kind of funny now?

Four (they/them)[🎨]: It was hilarious. And it’s going into my quotes list.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): You have a quotes list?

Four (they/them)[🎨]: I do! There’s four of them from this server so far, I keep different ones for different places.

Gordon Wildsay: Where did you get four whole quotes from?

Four (they/them)[🎨]: That’s for me to know and for you to wonder until I bring them up again when you don’t remember having said them anymore!

Hyrule (they/fae): Oh that sounds fun. 

Four (they/them)[🎨]: It is! For me, at least. 

Spirit (he/him): Do you have any particularly funny ones you wouldn’t mind sharing?

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Someone once claimed to be a shoveling shovel that shovels shovels very shovelly.

Time (he/they): Claimed to be a what?

Four (they/them)[🎨]: You read me. I have no idea what was going through their head. Also any quotes I repeat have been said to me or in front of me, I don’t just go around grabbing random quotes from the Internet or anything.

Hyrule (they/fae): The new gender: Shoveling shovel that shovels shovels very shovelly.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: You’re so right and you should say it. 40 year old man, 100 year old british man, and shoveling shovel that shovels shovels very shovelly, the 3 genders.

WorseWars (he/him): I barely looked away for a moment, what the actual fuck.

Legend (she/they): Don’t question, it’ll be better for you.

Twilight (he/him): The kids are having fun and that’s about as much as I understood

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Yeah I guess that about sums it up lol

Gordon Wildsay: My suffering is bringing them joy, apparently.

Legend (she/they): Understandable have a nice day.

Gordon Wildsay: Thank you! You too.

Legend (she/they): Thanks.

Time (he/they): Why are you all like this.

Gordon Wildsay: It’s the trauma, probably.

Twilight (he/him): Wild, no.

Legend (she/they): Wild, yes.

Spirit (he/him): I thought it was just because we were all stupid, but I guess that works too.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): Spirit no, do we need to drag you back to therapy?

Spirit (he/him): That was /j lol sorry, I’m fine!

WorseWars (he/him): You sure?

Spirit (he/him): Yeah, it was supposed to be silly, don’t worry about it!

Time (he/they): As long as you’re sure. You kids need to be taking care of yourselves.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): I make sure he takes care!

Spirit (he/him): And I make sure you do too!

Legend (she/they): Ew wholesomeness. Can we go back to bullying Wars instead?

WorseWars (he/him): The fuck? No! I get enough of that from Linkle irl come on be nicer to me.

Legend (she/they): Fine.

Sky (he/him): Morning everyone! Why are there so many messages this early in the day?

Twilight: Good morning! Isn’t it 11 am for you too though?

Sky (he/him): Way too early in the morning.

Gordon Wildsay: Mood lmao

Sky (he/him): See, Wild gets it (uh can I ask what your pronouns are today?)

Gordon Wildsay: Yeah! (it’s he/him today, thank you for asking!)

Sky (he/him): (perfect, thank you!) Wild gets me, he’s a real one for that.

Twilight (he/him): If you say so.

Time (he/they): Don’t any of you have anything you should be doing or something?

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): You’ve been lurking in here all morning, don’t think I didn’t see you, Old Man!

Time (he/they): I have been doing everything I needed to, I’m just keeping an eye on the server.

Spirit (he/him): Wind and I were supposed to be doing something soon, so we should probably be going in a bit.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): Wait, we were?

Spirit (he/him): Yes lmao we were. Hold on, I’ll DM you about it.

WorseWars (he/him): Hopefully not something very important, if he forgot about it.

Spirit (he/him): Nah, it’s fine. It’s just a school thing, but we do need to be going now. Bye!

Gordon Wildsay: Bye!

Chapter Text

[Links Fight Chain]

#general

Spirit (he/him): Will literally any of you please help me convince Wind that eating soap is a terrible idea please

Time (he/they): Wind. Do not eat soap.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): But but it doesn’t taste that bad!

Time (he/they): You could be getting much more nutritional, better-tasting regular food instead.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): I like soap though.

Twilight (he/him): I don’t like how this implies you have already been eating soap.

Spirit (he/him): He has

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): I have!

Gordon Wildsay: What does it taste like?

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): Soap.

Twilight (he/him): Wild please don’t eat soap either.

Gordon Wildsay: Fair enough. I’ve never tried soap before, I wouldn’t mind.

Time (he/they): Neither of you should be eating soap.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): You know, eating soap actually boosts your immune system.

Spirit (he/him): No the fuck it doesn’t?

Hyrule (they/fae): Nah I’m fairly sure it does.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): See?

Twilight (he/him): Hyrule do not encourage them!

Hyrule (they/fae): Is it encouraging them if I’m joining them?

Twilight (he/him): Even worse, please don’t eat soap 

Time (he/they): Eating soap doesn’t boost your immune system, in fact it’ll probably make you sick.

Gordon Wildsay: How would you know if you haven’t done it before?

WorseWars (he/him): Because it’s common sense? What the fuck are you people even going on about this early.

Spirit (he/him): Wind is trying to eat soap

WorseWars (he/him): For the love of Hylia do not eat soap.

BetterLinkle (she/her): If you think about it, everything is soap.

Twilight (he/him): That is awful and I hate it please never say that again

BetterLinkle (she/her): I think it’s soaptastic actually.

WorseWars (he/him): No.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Fair enough but like, think about it. Soup? Soap. Spaghetti? Soap. Water? Soap. Everything can be soap if you try hard enough.

Time (he/they): No it can’t. In what universe would spaghetti or water be soap.

Twilight (he/him): Help why did you not say anything about the soup part

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): They know the truth. Soap soup would be great I just know it.

BetterLinkle (she/her): So true bestie.

WorseWars (he/him): Every time you say literally anything I regret inviting you here.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Link, what’s wrong? You haven’t even touched your bowl of soap soup.

WorseWars (he/him): I would strangle you right now, don’t doubt me.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): Can I have his bowl of soap soup if he doesn’t finish it?

Time (he/they): No.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Sure!

Gordon Wildsay: I could make you some more soap soup!

Legend (she/they): What the fuck did I just walk in on.

WorseWars (he/him): I don’t think you want to know.

Spirit (he/him): I was asking for help stopping Wind from eating soap and it backfired horribly

Legend (she/they): Why is the child eating soap.

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): 1! Not a child! 2. Because I can.

Legend (she/they): Well, stop it.

Gordon Wildsay: Or you could join our soap club instead!

Time (he/they): Do not start a soap club.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Hold up let Wild (pronouns?) cook.

Gordon Wildsay: (They/them!) Yeah let me cook, I’ll make us some soap soup.

Spirit (he/him): Why would you even want to do that it’d be even worse than just straight up eating soap, that can’t be a good idea come on

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): But have you considered that it would be funny though.

Twilight (he/him): You can do a lot of funny stuff without getting yourself sick!

Gordon Wildsay: Idk, can you?

WorseWars (he/him): Yes.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Nah, I don’t think so.

Spirit (he/him): This is really not how I wanted this to go

Four (they/them)[🎨]: With the way things have been here so far, I don’t know what you expected honestly. Should’ve known better, probably.

Hyrule (they/fae): Fair enough! Have you been lurking Four?

Four (they/them)[🎨]: I just backread lol

Legend (she/they): A terrible choice, really.

Sky (he/him): Fr fr

Mr. Captain Wind (he/him): Welp, I’ve gtg eat some more soap, see you guys around!

Spirit (he/him): NO

Gordon Wildsay: Oh no, whoever will I share my soap soup with now that Wind’s gone.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Me! Me!

WorseWars (he/him): I will murder you in your sleep.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Jokes on you I would first need to sleep for that to happen.

Time (he/they): Please sleep.

WorseWars (he/him): She does, she can’t avoid me forever (we live together).

Legend (she/they): I’m surprised you can stand it without murdering each other.

BetterLinkle (she/her): He loves me he just doesn’t want to admit it.

WorseWars (he/him): Maybe if you stopped trying to eat soap soup I would love you more.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Hm nah I don’t think so.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: I see we’re being very normal now.

Legend (she/they) changed Mr. Captain Wind (he/him)’s username to Soap Eater (he/him)

Legend (she/they): He never took away the permission lmao

Gordon Wildsay: I would ask for a funny name too but honestly this one’s already funny enough. And it still fits even with the soap soup.

Hyrule (they/fae): Is the soap soup fucking raw?

Gordon Wildsay: Hopefully not lmao

Legend (she/they): Who’s the idiot sandwich and why is it Wars.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Given the entire conversation that just happened, I’m pretty sure that’d be Wind and Linkle probably. No reason they can’t all be idiot sandwiches though.

Twilight (he/him): There’s a single braincell in this entire server and I’m pretty sure Time has it

Time (he/they): Only sometimes. Better than Wind having it, seeing what he comes up with all on his own already.

Sky (he/him): Maybe Wind having it would make him less chaotic?

Time (he/they): Unlikely, but possible.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: In an entirely different topic, how is everyone doing today?

Gordon Wildsay: I haven’t been awake for long, but it’s been very fun so far! 

Twilight (he/him): Other than the chaos, doing well

Sky (he/him): A bit busy for me, but it’s been okay! Pretty normal morning.

Four (they/them): Fair enough.

Time (he/they): My morning’s been okay too. What about you, Four?

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Struggling with school stuff, but other than that it’s good too.

Sky (he/him): Good luck with school stuff! 

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Thank you.

Twilight (he/him): We might be able to help depending on what school stuff it is, feel free to ask if you need help!

Four (they/them)[🎨]: I like trying to figure it out myself, but thank you, I’ll keep it in mind.

Soap Eater (he/him): Do I get help, Spirit doesn’t want to help me until I stop eating soap

Sky (he/him): Please stop eating soap.

Twilight (he/him): Yeah no I’m with Spirit on this one

Spirit (he/him): THANK YOU 

Soap Eater (he/him): You’re all so mean to me, smh.

Gordon Wildsay: It’s okay I’ll help you by giving you some soap soup. (<- Knows absolutely nothing, would be no help whatsoever)

Hyrule (they/fae): Sorry Wind, I’m not smart either. We can support you in your soap eating endeavors though!

Soap Eater (he/him): You’re the real ones, thank you both.

Spirit (he/him): Please stop encouraging him

BetterLinkle (she/her): Never!

Soap Eater (he/him): Wait a fucking second, I didn’t change my name.

Spirit (he/him): You sure did!

Legend (she/they): lmao yeah, you did.

Chapter Text

[Links Fight Chain]

#general

Soap Eater (he/him): Guys I think eating soap might actually boost your immune system, Spirit didn’t eat any and he got sick lmao

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Not everyone who gets sick does so because they didn’t eat soap!

Soap Eater (he/him): But some people do?

Time (he/they): No. People get sick by eating soap, not the opposite. We’ve been over this, Wind.

Gordon Wildsay: How would you know if you haven’t tried it?

Sky (he/him): It’s common knowledge! Please eat some actual food today and not soap, all of you.

Soap Eater (he/him): I’ll have regular lunch soon! I make no promises about the soap part.

Gordon Wildsay: I’ll have some food after I finish what I’m doing.

Sky (he/him): Promise?

Gordon Wildsay: Yes, pinky swear and everything.

Legend (she/they): I was gonna make a joke about “pinky swear word” but it just sounds wrong.

Soap Eater (he/him): lmao

Legend (she/they): Pinky fuck just doesn’t sound right, but if I have to suffer this so do all of you.

WorseWars (he/him): Pinky fuck sounds amazing and you should say it.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: ‘Pinky fuck’, got it.

Legend (she/they): Is that going into the quotes list lmao

Four (they/them)[🎨]: It sure is!

Gordon Wildsay: Nice.

Twilight (he/him): @Soap Eater (he/him) is Spirit doing okay?

Soap Eater (he/him): Oh yeah he’ll be fine! He’s already doing better today, he said.

Twilight (he/him): Good! I hope he recovers quickly

Sky (he/him): Wish him a fast recovery from all of us?

Soap Eater (he/him): Will do!

Gordon Wildsay: Tell him to eat some soap, it’ll help!

Time (he/they): No.

Hyrule (they/fae): You’re so boring. I hope Spirit’s better soon tho!

Soap Eater (he/him): Me too, school’s a lot more boring without him lol. And now I have no-one to help me with the homework today.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Good luck with homework!

Soap Eater (he/him): Thanks!

Sky (he/him): What’s the homework about? Maybe we can help?

Soap Eater (he/him): It’s math, but I’m gonna be honest I have no idea what it’s actually about.

Twilight (he/him): Good luck with it, I hope you figure it out eventually.

Sky (he/him): I might be able to help, would you like me to take a look at it?

Soap Eater (he/him): Sure! Hold on I’ll DM you a picture.

Gordon Wildsay: You’ve got this Wind!

[DMs between mr.captain_link and birdwatchersky]

Mr. Captain Wind: Hey this is Wind! The homework, and what I think is supposed to be the explanation?:

Mr. Captain Wind attached 2 images.

BirdWatcherSky: Alright, yeah I think I can help with this! Would you like to jump into VC? It’ll probably be easier to explain out loud.

Mr. Captain Wind: Oh yeah sure! We can do that in the server.

[Links Fight Chain]

#general

Sky (he/him): Me and Wind are gonna be in VC while I help him with homework btw, just so you guys don’t go ‘wait what’s going on why the VC’

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Nice, good luck with it!

                                                                                                    
Sky finished filling his water bottle and headed to the office, phone in hand. Wind had already joined the VC, so he sent a quick ‘Be right there!’ before putting the phone and bottle down on the desk. 

He grabbed his headphones and, while they were powering on and connecting to the phone, a piece of paper and a pen in case he needed to write something down for clarity. Sitting down, he joined the call.

“Hey, can you hear me?” He asked, eyes trained to the screen.

“Yeah! Hi, Sky!” A youthful voice answered.

It was nice to be able to put a voice to Wind’s name and profile picture, the little cartoon-y pirate doodle lighting up with a green line when he spoke up.

“Alright, good! Do you want me to like, try to explain what you’re supposed to do, or to solve it for you?” 

“If you can actually explain it in a way I understand, I will love you so much, platonically.”

“I’ll certainly do my best!” 

He laughed a bit as he opened their DMs back up and squinted at the slightly blurry pictures, ready to at least try.

Sky found that explaining the homework to Wind wasn’t as hard as he’d expected. He hadn’t been too sure how easily the teen would understand it, and hadn’t really trusted his own ability to make it comprehensible.

“You’re amazing, Sky, thank you so much for the help!” 

“Of course! I’m glad I could help.”

Expecting the call to end, Sky tapped back to it right in time to see a new person join, accompanied by a little sound.

The icon of some kind of delicious-looking food told him it was Wild before the other said anything.

“Hi, Wild!” Wind said, very enthusiastically.

Was that the first time anyone had joined VC since the server got made? Sky thought so, it was certainly the first time he’d seen it.

“Hey!” Wild’s voice came in, raspier than Sky had expected but still pretty young-sounding. “Thought I’d come in, see how you guys are doing! You’ve been in here for a while.”

“We just finished with my homework! Sky was great at making me not hate math as much today.”

“Oh, math! Man, I hate math. My math knowledge starts and ends with two plus two equaling frish.”

“… Frish?” Sky pipped up. That was not a word.

“… I meant fish, pretend I said fish.”

Wind giggled, and Sky mumbled some vague affirmative as he tapped out of the call and into the list of server members, searching for Four’s profile.

They’d probably want to add that one into their quotes list.

He saw Four react with a laughing emoji and a thumbs up to his message and tuned back into the conversation going on in the voice chat just in time for someone else to join.

Not too surprised to see it was Four.

“I hear you all are having fun in here now,” they said once they’d connected properly, voice a higher pitch than Sky had expected. “Hi!”

“Oh, hi, Four! We’re done with homework, apparently we’re learning new ways to say the word fish now instead,” said Wind, laughter still obvious in his voice.

“Excuse you! Don’t you know you’re supposed to respect your elders?”

“Oh, sorry, didn’t know you were an elder!”

Both Four and Wind giggled, Sky covering a snort of his own too. Wild had walked right into that one.

“Nah, that’s Time, remember? They’re somewhere between 40 years old and 100 years old but also british,” Four piped up. “Wild can get second place, though.”

“No respect for your elders, young people these days! Back in my day, we wouldn’t have dared to speak like this!” Sky put on his best old person voice. “I am older than Wild, you know!”

“Then that means you’re extra ancient!”

“Hey, now, where would that put Wars and Linkle then?”

“Oh, no, you can’t bring Linkle into this. Don’t you know talking about a woman’s age is, like, illegal?” 

Another round of laughter after Four’s words. Oh she would probably kill them if she heard what they’d just said about her, wouldn’t she?

Unless Wars got to them first.

As they all stopped laughing and caught their breath, Sky heard the front door of the apartment opening and perked up. One of his partners had come home!

“Alright, you all. I’m gonna have to go now, but I hope you all have fun if you stay! Glad to have helped you, Wind.”

He got out of the call to the chorus of voices wishing him a good day.

“Link?” Groose’s voice called from outside the office.

“Right here!” As he walked out with a smile.

Chapter Text

[Links Fight Chain]

#general

Spirit (he/him): It is important to me that you all know Wind’s entire skeleton will be mismatched when I’m done with him

Soap Eater (he/him): You can’t just quote me back at me in front of everyone!

Legend (she/they): You can have my skeleton if you want, I don’t like it I think it’s trying to escape

Gordon Wildsay: It does that sometimes! You just have to put on its favorite song

BetterLinkle (she/her): I want to be buried with random animal bones so the archaeologists get confused

Twilight (he/him): @Legend (she/they) what do you mean it’s trying to escape

WorseWars (he/him): Can you be normal for one second

Twilight (he/him): I am getting concerned now

Hyrule (they/fae): I mean that sounds pretty self-explanatory to me.

BetterLinkle (she/her): It’s like sourdough, it’s a living organism. Just with more legs.

Soap Eater (he/him): SOURDOUGH IS ALIVE?

Spirit (he/him): What

Twilight (he/him): I have so many questions.

Hyrule (they/fae): Does yeast have legs?

Gordon Wildsay: Depends.

BetterLinkle (she/her): If it wants to!

Legend (she/they): The meat suit has nervous system which means pain signals. The skeleton does not appreciate that and wishes to join the skeleton war.

Time (he/they): That doesn’t make it any clearer.

Soap Eater (he/him): @BetterLinkle (she/her) YOU’RE KILLING ME. WHAT DO YOU MEAN SOURDOUGH IS ALIVE

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Right up until the oven. All yeasted bread is.

Hyrule (they/fae): Is that why we’re supposed to punch it.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Just a gentle poke with a knife will work.

Time (he/they): Four, please, I thought you were one of the normal ones.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Only sometimes!

Gordon Wildsay: You punch bread so it’s unconscious when you bake it.

Soap Eater (he/him): We’re roasting it alive…

BetterLinkle (she/her): That way it doesn’t attack you when you try to put it in the oven!

Hyrule (they/fae): I’m a little hungry I knead some bread.

Sky (he/him): I think I liked the talk about eating soap better.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Maybe the bread shouldn’t have been alive in the first place.

Gordon Wildsay: Sourdough Soap, living and cleaning all at once.

Soap Eater (he/him): Maybe we should knead the soap into a bread shape

BetterLinkle (she/her): Living soap soup?

Twilight (he/him): This just keeps getting worse, why would any of you say any of this.

BetterLinkle (she/her): We’re soaptastic, or souptastic, whichever goats your boating float.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Souper soaptastic.

WorseWars (he/him): I hate you all.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Is it because we’re so cheesy?

WorseWars (he/him): I will murder you in your sleep.

Gordon Wildsay: Cheese you say?

Hyrule (they/fae): Are we starting something over cheese? I will accept this.

Soap Eater (he/him): Cheese shaped soap or soap shaped cheese?

BetterLinkle (she/her): Yes.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Chaos! Soap!

Gordon Wildsay: What about the cheese.

Time (he/they): Everything was going so well until you all started talking.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Your first mistake was thinking we ever stopped.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: And cheese! Lots of cheese.

Twilight (he/him): Cheese is fine, no soap!

Spirit (he/him): I am banishing the soap to the nether. It won’t bother us anymore

Sky (he/him): Let the cheese win.

Soap Eater (he/him): NO HEY YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT, WE’LL BE SUPREME.

Gordon Wildsay: Are we starting team cheese and team soap now?

WorseWars (he/him): No because half of you want to be on both when you should be in neither.

BetterLinkle (she/her): If people aren’t cowards, yes.

Hyrule (they/fae): There are only two things that matter, cheese and soap, I’m very happy you put cheese first though, as all things should be.

Spirit (he/him) has sent an image.

Spirit (he/him): I have banished the soap, my job here is done

Soap Eater (he/him): Soap is a living organism, it finds its way back.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Like sourdough!

Time (he/they): Like moss. And mushrooms.

BetterLinkle (she/her): I think the cheese and the soap should fight to the death and then at the end forgive each other right as one is dying tragically and kiss.

WorseWars (he/him): What the actual fuck.

Soap Eater (he/him): Let her speak.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Thank you. We should name it Choup and it’ll be a 500k 97 chapter enemies to lovers, forbidden romance alternate universe fanfic.

Gordon Wildsay: I read choup as coup and went ‘who is staging a coup?’

Twilight (he/him): I am staging one against all of you.

Sky (he/him): You might have better results just letting them tire themselves out.

Soap Eater (he/him): No you guys have to wait until the fight date so we can battle it out with balloon swords! 

Spirit (he/him): Why did this turn into fanfiction when I looked away for half a second, please why do you do this to me every time

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Why is it choup considering neither cheese nor soap have a u in them?

BetterLinkle (she/her): A soup cameo!

Spirit (he/him): Why are you all like this

WorseWars (he/him): You set yourself up for failure

Time (he/they): Did you know cheese is made out of milk?

Gordon Wildsay: It could be made out of soap too, if you tried

Legend (she/they): I looked away for a minute how did you get to cheese soap this fast

Hyrule (they/fae): It was always made of soap.

BetterLinkle (she/her): I need some new scenarios to put choup in.

Twilight (he/him): Can the cheese come and pick me up I’m scared.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: “I rented the apartment above your flower shop but I’m allergic to one of the flowers so I’m buying all of them trying to figure it out” AU?

Gordon Wildsay: The soap is trying to become cheese.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Four I love you please feed me more.

Soap Eater (he/him): Don’t be scared Twilight have some cheese.

Spirit (he/him): You are literally the problem, always

Soap Eater (he/him): But isn’t soap so tasty. Isn’t cheese so good for cleaning. Imagine the possibilities!

Legend (she/they): You’re not starting a role reversal AU with cheese and soap.

Hyrule (they/fae): Everyone treats cheese and soap like enemies, but they’re not. They’re lovers your honor.

WorseWars (he/him): Why are the cheese and the soap backwards.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Don’t worry about it! It’s the deep lore of the role reversal AU.

WorseWars (he/him): Why are you like this.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Because no one has the courage to stop me!

WorseWars (he/him): I will stop you, get back home and you will see.

BetterLinkle (she/her): But what about my 750k 3 part series about choup with forbidden romance, friends to enemies to lovers, unreliable narrator, time travel fix it, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, road trip, cheese has a cat fanfic?

Four (they/them)[🎨]: TIME TRAVEL FIX IT, I am invested.

Time (he/they): Why does it keep getting longer.

Legend (she/they): Why does it involve time travel now, what are you doing? Time traveling to be the first person in recorded history to make cheese and soap kiss?

Soap Eater (he/him): I don’t think she needs to time travel for that!

Gordon Wildsay: Time traveling to fix the relationship between choup before it got so bad to be unfixable. I want to know where we’re going tho, why is there a road trip now?

Twilight (he/him): Because you’re all headed straight to hell

Hyrule (they/fae): Aw I thought we were going to the beach!

BetterLinkle (she/her): There’s a beach in hell!

WorseWars (he/him): I haven’t had nearly enough coffee today to deal with this.

Time (he/they): It is 9pm, do not drink coffee now.

Soap Eater (he/him): Drink soap instead!

WorseWars (he/him): I’m going to strangle you.

Chapter Text

[Links Fight Chain]

#general

Soap Eater (he/him): If you don't like soap you could drink cactus juixe
Juxie
Jucid
Juice

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Juice. Well done

Spirit (he/him): You got there eventually, now stop.

Time (he/they): You all have a soap problem.

Gordon Wildsay: No! I only need it for nourishment.

Sky (he/him): If soap is alive, do you guys eat it while it's alive?

BetterLinkle (she/her): It's the only way to contain it. Do not be afraid, if we all work together we can contain the soap.

Sky (he/him): I am not afraid I am more like. Horrified :D What happens if we don't contain the soap?

BetterLinkle (she/her): Do not be horrified! The cursed stuff isn't scheduled for 12 hours still :)

WorseWars (he/him): What do you mean 12 hours.

Twilight (he/him): In 12 hours I will be afraid.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: That's when Linkle's updating the choup fanfic, I'm sure.

Time (he/they): Please at least make it choap if you're going to be this random, I keep thinking about cheese soup.

Soap Eater (he/him): But choup just rolls off the tongue, you know?

Hyrule (they/fae): Cheese soup sounds yummy.

Time (he/they): Cheese soup is good, cheese soap is not.

Legend (she/they): I kinda thought that's what it was. Like if there was drama, a love triangle or something.

BetterLinkle (she/her): ... I like the way you think. It's the cheeseforce!

WorseWars (he/him): The what?

BetterLinkle (she/her): The cheese triforce tricheese, triforce of choup.

Gordon Wildsay: Behold the cheese!

Soap Eater (he/him): You thought the moon was cheese? No... triforce...

Time (he/they): Why did I agree to join this again.

Hyrule (they/fae): Now I need to see an edit of the triforce with holes like Swiss cheese.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Is the moon not the triforce?

Twilight (he/him): What kind of logic is this.

BetterLinkle (She/her): Logic I can certainly work with. Do I need to write it now.

WorseWars (he/him): I need either a nap or to get drunk to deal with this, and I have a very large iced coffee.

Time (he/they): What did we say about drinking coffee this late?

Gordon Wildsay: Well. Can't let it go to waste now, can you?

WorseWars (he/him): I can't, no.

Spirit (he/him): It's iced? You could put it in the refrigerator?

WorseWars (he/him): Enough of your logic.

Hyrule (they/fae): It'll melt in the fridge.

WorseWars (he/him): What

Hyrule (they/fae): What do you mean what?

WorseWars (he/him): The coffee?

Gordon Wildsay: Make a coffee popsicle.

Hyrule (they/fae): Yea.

WorseWars (he/him): OH THE ICE CUBES

Soap Eater (he/him): No, the cup.

BetterLinkle (she/her): I think you might actually need to go to bed.

WorseWars (he/him): This isn't even the brain fog anymore, you guys are just incomprehensible skmetimes.

Time (he/they): Incomprehensible what?

WorseWars (he/him): Sometimes.

Time (he/they): Oh. Okay, yeah. That makes more sense than what my brain was thinking.

Twilight (he/him): What did you think it was?

Time (he/they): Some sort of weird slang for people I was not awake enough to understand. I should be going to sleep yet here I am dealing with you all.

Soap Eater (he/him): My sister just walked into my room, looking like she saw a ghost, and asked if I knew rice flour is just ground up rice

BetterLinkle (she/her): LMAO

Spirit (he/him): Say hi to her for me.

Soap Eater (he/him): I told her I knew, because like, flour is just ground up wheat too. And she just stared at me like I shook her whole world and just said 'I need to have a shower...' and walked out.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Does she know about chicken the animal and chicken the food...?

Spirit (he/him): She didn't know what animal beef was, it was an interesting conversation for sure.

Legend (she/they): For fucks sake.

Sky (he/him): Gurl, please.

Gordon Wildsay: What about the three kinds of Kiwis?

Soap Eater (he/him): Tbf she's 9 but like, yeah

Hyrule (they/fae): Wait, 3 kinds of Kiwis? I only know 2.

Gordon Wildsay: Bird, fruit, person.

BetterLinkle (she/her): You can eat one in normal circumstances, 2 if you're desperate. 3 is cannibalism.

WorseWars (he/him): Thank you Linkle, cannibalism talk was exactly what this chat needed /sarcasm.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Would you prefer I bring back the choup fanfic?

WorseWars (he/him): I would prefer you shut up. I'm gonna attempt a nap now.

Time (he/they): At this point maybe you should go to bed for the night early. Call it a day. I think I'm going to do that.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: So about that love triangle with soap, soup and cheese...

Time (he/they): That's my cue to go.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Mentally high fiving you, Four.

Soap Eater (he/him): I'm physically high fiving you both, don't ask how.

BetterLinkle (she/her): I could go finish the stuff I should for the day, or I could write crack choup love triangle 10k oneshot enemies to lovers to enemies to lovers, canon compliant but with a crossover appearance, angst, hurt/comfort, time travel fix it, role reversal, cheese is still a cannibal, biblically accurate angels, no beta we die like dairy when it gets turned into cheese, but that's what necromancy mould is for, author is sleep deprived, what else do I tag fanfiction.

Legend (she/they): None of those words are in the bible.

Twilight (he/him): I understand about half of them separate, I have absolutely no idea what is going on anymore.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Do they get matching tattoos?

Gordon Wildsay: Hell yes. Tattoo parlor AU?

Hyrule (they/fae): 100/10 flawless performance you have done this world a great service. Tattoo parlor/Flower shop/Cafe AU when.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Well we have 3 characters, we can just put each of them in one of those all in one AU!

Sky (he/him): And the bit lives on...

Legend (she/they): No rest for the wicked Sky.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: How do we implement the AU, who goes where?

Soap Eater (he/him): Cheese should get the tattoo parlor. It has tattoo vibes, you know?

Twilight (he/him): How does cheese have tattoo vibes?

Gordon Wildsay: Oh! Soaps can be floral scented! Soap at the flower shop, it would thrive.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Do cheese soup and soap have genders or do they all just transcend it?

Hyrule (they/fae): In my head they've all been nonbinary.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Genderqueer cheese is not something I thought about or expected to see before but I like it.

Gordon Wildsay: Fuck gender, we're all either cheese or soup or soap now.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: The true three genders, step aside 40 year old man, 100 year old british man, and shoveling shovel that shovels shovels very shovelly.

Sky (he/him): Can there be a fourth gender and can it be bread.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Oh my god, yes. That's the missing thing! We've been missing the fucking BREAD.

Soap Eater (he/him): Soap and bread, has this been done before?

Gordon Wildsay: Soap sandwich.

Hyrule (they/fae): Grilled soap sandwich?

Soap Eater (he/him): We dip the soap sandwich in the cheese soup!

BetterLinkle (she/her): It's all coming together.

Legend (she/they): You all need help. And urgently.

Spirit (he/him): I think I liked the soap soup conversation better than whatever a soap sandwich dipped in cheese soup is.

Gordon Wildsay: Would you like a soap/cheese/soup smoothie dipped in bread?

BetterLinkle (she/her): We need this as an ao3 tag.

Hyrule (they/fae): Someone has to, and it may as well be us.

Soap Eater (he/him): Bread is the secret fourth ending like the hole in the middle of the triforce.

Twilight (he/him): No. Please. Just, no.

Chapter Text

[Links Fight Chain]

#general

Gordon Wildsay: Would bread being the secret fourth ending like the hole in the middle of the triforce make the triforce a bagel?

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Now hold on a second

Spirit (he/him): This has got to be some sort of social experiment or something

Hyrule (they/fae): We’re being studied, we’ll get a good grade in petri dish! Something that is normal to want and possible to achieve.

Soap Eater (he/him): Only the hole is bread so I don’t think the triforce would be a bagel, but it’s definitely some type of food.

BetterLinkle (she/her): You all, they all talk about the soap opera but never the cheese opera!

WorseWars (he/him): Why would you ever speak, please never do so again

BetterLinkle (she/her): Weren’t you taking a nap?

WorseWars (he/him): My stupidity senses were tingling and woke me up (somehow I managed to forget to mute my phone)

Time (he/they): You have sound on for this place? My condolences.

BetterLinkle (she/her): The sound woke you up couldn’t be me.

Legend (she/they): Stupidity senses when it comes to twins has got to be a thing, I will take this as proof.

BetterLinkle (she/her): They shouldn’t have tingled, I haven’t even mentioned the 874k trilogy on Cheese/Soap/Soup in a friends to enemies to lovers motorcycle AU where they also are trying to escape from perilous evil which keeps on chasing them down fanfic!

Twilight (he/him): Why is it getting worse.

WorseWars (he/him): This is exactly why they were tingling.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: MOTORCYCLE AU

BetterLinkle (she/her): They also all kiss each other at some point, maybe. Not sure if it’s platonic smooching or romantic but hey ho, CSS for life.

Hyrule (they/fae): We lost the time travel fix it?

BetterLinkle (she/her): Time travel fix it is the 10k oneshot and the 500k 3 part series don’t you fear

Time (he/they): How are you keeping any of this straight?

BetterLinkle (she/her): I’m not! That’s why it keeps changing every time.

Soap Eater (he/him): Linkle you are so smart!

Gordon Wildsay: Did you know hat parmesan reggiano doesn’t refer to all parmesan cheese? Parmesan reggiano cheese is made in a specific part of Italy and I believe it’s also has to be made with a specific breed of cow or the cows have to eat a specific type of grass? But that might not be true. Anyway if the cheese isn’t made there it’s not reggiano it’s just plain parmesan

Twilight (he/him): Wild what the actual fuck

Gordon Wildsay: A little fun fact for my fellow cheese enjoyers!

WorseWars (he/him): Forget the coffee I need vodka for this.

Soap Eater (he/him): Can I have some?

WorseWars (he/him): You’re, like, 10, absolutely not.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Can I have some?

WorseWars (he/him): You’re 2/3 of the reason I need vodka, I’m not letting you have any.

Spirit (he/him): Can you all be normal long enough for me to look away to go heat up my hot water bottle or do I still need to babysit Wind?

Soap Eater (he/him): I can be so normal, you can trust me.

Spirit (he/him): … So no leaving, got it.

BetterLinkle (she/her): I need soup and soap brand names you all!

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Heinz

Hyrule (they/fae): I didn’t know Heinz made soup, do they make soup? That seems odd.

Time (he/they): Hyrule. That’s like, their whole thing.

Gordon Wildsay: I- Heinz is a huge soup brand I’m pretty sure.

Hyrule (they/fae): I thought they did the beans! The bakes ones!

Twilight (he/him): Yes, and that too! And the ketchup and spaghetti.

Hyrule (they/fae): Wait what?

Spirit (he/him): I made the hot water bottle too hot and now it’s burning me through my clothes hm. Not hot enough above blanket, too hot under blanket.

Soap Eater (he/him): Stick one leg out, it solves all your problems

Sky (he/him): Are you okay Spirit?

Spirit (he/him): Yeah! Just not following Wind’s advice, and contemplating strangling him

Sky (he/him): Fair enough!

Gordon Wildsay: Ketchup is concentrated tomato soup.

Time (he/they): I hate that you’re not exactly wrong.

BetterLinkle (she/her): The amount of things I’ve put on ketchup is disturbing.

WorseWars (he/him): I hate that you phrased that as ‘things you put on ketchup’ and not ‘things you put ketchup on’

BetterLinkle (she/her): What can I say, ketchup is very good for dipping things in.

Sky (he/him): What kind of food crimes server has this turned into.

Soap Eater (he/him): It’s all part of my master plan, it started with Link vs Link, then Soap vs Cheese, and now it’ll turn into ketchup vs… I don’t know, BBQ sauce?

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Omg is ketchup vs BBQ genderbent cheese vs soap?

Gordon Wildsay: Now I’m getting hungry

BetterLinkle (she/her): The five essential food groups: Cheese, Soup, Bread, Ketchup, Soap

WorseWars (he/him): I don’t know this person, I have never met her ever in my entire life where even am I.

Gordon Wildsay: If you think about it, pizza is cheese, ketchup and bread and you can have soup and soap as a drink. It’s the ultimate meal.

Twilight (he/him): I need to make a big, sparkly sign that says ‘DO NOT DRINK SOAP’

Spirit (he/him): I will help you make it.

BetterLinkle (she/her): SOAP PIZZA.

Sky (he/him): What if we move on from soap and acknowledge the superiority of bread?

WorseWars (he/him): Please.

Sky (he/him): You can use it to soak up your soup, to intimidate your enemies by stuffing an entire load in your mouth at once, a baguette makes a good weapon, everyone likes a good bun, you can mix it with literally any topping.

Twilight (he/him): … Some of those are not like the others.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Use it to fix your drywall, give it the ol’ landlord special. Then use the extra bread as a paintbrush sponge to paint your new crusty drywall.

WorseWars (he/him): What do any of those words even mean anymore.

Sky (he/him): You can feed ducks with it (don’t actually do that), put your friends between it to make an idiot sandwich, use stale slices as ninja stars, the crumbs to make rissoles! Bread is supreme, team bread.

Soap Eater (he/him): Sky’s almost as normal about bread as I am about soap I see.

Spirit (he/him): Finally someone’s being weird about something that’s actually edible!

Sky (he/him): Spilt some tea? Guess what’s just as absorbent as a tissue? Bread!

Twilight (he/him): Sky are you okay?

Gordon Wildsay: You could use it as a napkin if you get sauce on your face while eating a sandwich, then you eat the bread you used to clean it.

Sky (he/him): Okay I’m done sales pitching for team bread, Wild can take over now.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: I propose to you all: If you can make it on the stove and it’s liquidy it’s soup, if you bake it and layer it it’s lasagna. What foods are now in each category?

Spirit (he/him): I will pay you in bread to not start that conversation please.

Soap Eater (he/him): I will pay you in yummy soap to start it!

Four (they/them)[🎨]: I was doing that anyway, but I won’t say no to free soap.

Gordon Wildsay: Oh I’m gonna have to think about that one I think.

Twilight (he/him): Please don’t actually think about it, do not entertain any of the thoughts. It’s late, how about you all go to bed now and come back to being unhinged in the morning with fresh brains?

Hyrule (they/fae): Mac n cheese is a soup.

Time (he/they): And that is our clue to all go to bed now

BetterLinkle (she/her): Mac and cheese is a lasagna!

WorseWars (he/him): NO THE FUCK ITS NOT?!

Chapter Text

[Links Fight Chain]

#general

Soap Eater (he/him): You guys my wifi is NOT being the ultra sigma skibidi ohio rizzlee i trained it to be...

Time (he/they): The what now.

Spirit (he/him): Eat the router.

WorseWars (he/him): SPIRIT?!

Spirit (he/him): What?

Gordon Wildsay: I've tried that before. It doesn't work because the screws get stuck in your teeth.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Dang.

Spirit (he/him): Blend it first. Drink the router

Soap Eater (he/him): I will try that next time! Now I'm very hungry and my tv remote looks very palatable tho.

Twilight (he/him): Spirit joined them oh no.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Just remember to remove the batteries first.

Spirit (he/him): Those are the best part. Crack them open for some sauce

Sky (he/him): Do not. Do you want acid poisoning?

Gordon Wildsay: Acid poisoning is a myth created by Big Battery to stop you from eating batteries. It's the propaganda and subliminal messaging.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Should've known. Guess I better eat some batteries now!

Soap Eater (he/him): Sounds like a very good strategy lol

Four (they/them)[🎨]: What could possibly go wrongm.

Time (he/they): Many things.

Spirit (he/him): Another satisfied customer.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: wrongmnomnomnom

Gordon Wildsay: Will never see AA batteries at the store the same way again.

Spirit (he/him): AA are overrated. The rechargeable batteries are the best! Car batteries if you have friends over

Sky (he/him): I am... concerned.

Spirit (he/him): Car batteries more like family sized juice

Twilight (he/him): Is this the next tide pods

WorseWars (he/him): Spirit joined them oh no. We're so dommed now.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: We're what now?

WorseWars (he/him): DOOMED. DOOMED WE'RE DOMMED

Four (they/them)[🎨]: ...

WorseWars (he/him): FUCK

Soap Eater (he/him): lmao?

Gordon Wildsay: What is next tide pods?

Hyrule (they/fae): Had to Google them real quick, they look fun and so that means they taste good because that's how it works.

Legend (she/they) changed WorseWars (he/him)'s username to DommedWars (he/him)

DommedWars (he/him): Okay I kinda deserved that but please.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Sorry not sorry you already made it into the quotes list.

DommedWars (he/him): Don't make this my legacy.

Legend (she/they): You made it your own legacy yourself. Now I go back to lurking because I don't even want to know what you are all going on about now.

Spirit (he/him): What, you don't want to eat car batteries with us?

BetterLinkle (she/her): More for us!

Legend (she/they) changed Spirit (he/him)'s username to Traitor (he/him)

Legend (she/they): Shouldn't have joined them. We thought you were part of the responsible team.

Traitor (he/him): Worth it!

Soap Eater (he/him): Should've thought better lol we've been friends for way too long!

Time (he/they): I am so disappointed in both of you.

Gordon Wildsay: Wait no, be mad instead!

Time (he/they): No.

Soap Eater (he/him): We do need to go for a bit, you all keep our legacy alive in the meantime!

Twilight (he/him): Do not.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Don't you worry, we will!

DommedWars (he/him): No you won't, you're coming to the grocery store with me before you say something worse, I've seen enough from you in this chat today.

BetterLinkle (she/her): One of these days I'll convert you into our side!

DommedWars (he/him): No, no you won't.

Sky (he/him): ... Well, ignoring all of that, how's everyone else's day been?

Four (they/them)[🎨]: I'm still laughing about my new quote, it's been going great.

Time (he/they): Pretty normal and quiet day until this conversation. How has your day been, Sky?

Sky (he/him): Pretty good, thank you for asking! And glad to hear.

Legend (she/they): Keeping an eye on this place is like watching a train wreck, but with fewer body parts flying around.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: I love that comparison.

Twilight (he/him): Honestly? Accurate

Hyrule (they/fae): I would agree, but being part of the problem is fun.

Gordon Wildsay: Honestly so far you seem to be confusedly helping give us a chance to make things worse than actually making it worse yourself, but we love you for it Rulie.

Hyrule (they/fae): Aw, thanks!

Legend (she/they): How long do you think it'll take you to get everyone on your side?

Four (they/them)[🎨]: We already got Spirit, which I thought would be one of the hardest. And I'm only on their side when it's funny, which is most of the time.

Twilight (he/him): I can respect being on the side of whatever's funniest, but this is mostly just vaguely concerning.

Sky (he/him): I choose to think they're trying to make it concerning but are actually staying safe!

Gordon Wildsay: I mean, I haven't made soap soup... yet. And I've never actually tried eating batteries, but they would probably not be the weirdest thing I've eaten.

Time (he/they): Do we want to know?

Gordon Wildsay: Probably not!

Hyrule (they/fae): I've tried soap before, it doesn't taste as good as you'd think from the smell.

Legend (she/they): Anyone could have told you that.

Hyrule (they/fae): Well, I wanted to test it! Just because everyone says something doesn't mean it's true.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Critical thinking, I like it. Have you tried anything else you'd like to share?

Time (he/they): They better have not.

Hyrule (they/fae): Trick question, I can't be held responsible for my actions if you don't know what they were!

Gordon Wildsay: That is a very good point, I should use it on Flora sometime.

Legend (she/they): I don't know who Flora is but somehow I don't think it'll work on them.

Gordon Wildsay: They're my roommate! It's fine she'll probably laugh about it.

Sky (he/him): As long as they don't join you in the food crimes...

Four (they/them)[🎨]: More for Wild if she doesn't join!

Hyrule (they/fae): We should have a food crimes picnic someday after we've met in person I think.

Twilight (he/him): How about you have a completely normal picnic someday? We could have a picnic after that fight Wind wants us all to have.

Sky (he/him): That actually sounds like a lovely idea!

Legend (she/they): How viable that is will depend on where Wind wanted us to have that fight, though.

Time (he/they): The location's pinned in #welcome, but I actually agreed to have the fight in my ranch's property, so we can have a picnic there if it's what you all want.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Should you have told us that we literally have the coordinates to your ranch?

Time (he/they): Not like you didn't already know we live around the same city, or like we weren't talking about you all coming here already. That being said, if any of you are going to show up here or, I don't know, send joke mail, at least let me know first.

Gordon Wildsay: No see what I'm hearing is we could be having a picnic at Time's ranch way before the fight thing happens, we just need to let Time know first.

Sky (he/him): I mean, if you want to organize that and everyone's okay with it? 

Hyrule (they/fae): We haven't known each other for super long, but I'd be down for that if we can find a date that works for everyone?

Four (they/them)[🎨]: I'd have to ask my Grandpa, but if he says yes then I'd be down for it too!

Traitor (he/him): Wind won't be going to any picnic because I am murdering him

Legend (she/they): Welcome back, what did he do now?

Traitor (he/him): 'You left your phone with Discord open but don't worry I didn't do anything' MY ASS

Soap Eater (he/him): lmao I can't be held responsible for my actions either! If I survive this I would love to join a picnic, I'd just have to ask for permission from Grandma first too.

Chapter Text

"Come on, dude! We're gonna be late!" Wind shouted from outside the bathroom door, Aryll bouncing on her heels beside him. He knocked on the door again. "Toilet didn't eat you, did it?"

"You are so annoying," Spirit's voice answered, followed by the door opening. Aryll immediately rushed inside and closed it behind her.

Both of them were dressed as pirates, and Wind reached up to tug Spirit's bandana down a little from where his fluffy hair was trying to push it up. Aryll's witch hat sat on Wind's head, right on top of his own pirate captain's hat.

"We're fine, it's literally gonna be there all day."

"Well, the festival, yeah! I know you saw the messages though, a bunch of the others are gonna be there! And I don't want to miss them!"

"Did you tell them to meet with us? We could get food together later."

Wind blinked at him, having not, in fact, told the others to meet them. He'd just, read what time they said they were aiming to be there by. He quickly pulled out his phone to text them.

The door slammed open again, Aryll coming out with some shiny new face paint and reaching up for her witch hat, pulling on Wind to get him to bend down for it.

It made quite a silly picture, and Spirit snorted behind his hand.

"Okay, I texted them that we'll be leaving in a bit, if they answer we can try to meet at the entrance? And I guess if not we can just let them know where we are if they get there later."

"Sounds good to me."

"Does that mean we can go now?!" Aryll beamed up at them.

"It sure does!"

They grabbed their shared sweets bag and out the door they went. The city wasn't a great place for conventional trick-or-treating, but a nearby park was having a Halloween festival with games and food and free candy for anyone who came in a costume.

When Wind had mentioned going with Spirit and his sister in the server they shared with the other Links, Four had revealed they were actually going too, and Twilight had mentioned looking into it as something to take his younger siblings to.

Somehow, that had led to Wild admitting to this being his first Halloween (that he could remember), and it had been turned into a group activity for the Chain, well before even their picnic.

Even if Sky was apparently too busy simping for his partners (read, going on a date) to make it.

Wind didn't think Time or Warriors would be there either, which apparently also meant Linkle couldn't make it. And Legend was busy, and Hyrule had said they would try to show up for a bit if fae could, but hadn't made any promises.

It was progress towards meeting everyone! Even if Grandma hadn't thought telling a bunch of strangers where he and his sister would be was the best of ideas.

As they approached the park and Wind checked the server to see that Wild was supposedly waiting at the entrance, he wondered what the others would look like.

He'd told everyone that he and Spirit were, of course, going as pirates, with Aryll dressed as a witch. The others had wanted to be boring about it, but had mostly been convinced to join in on the fun.

So Wind felt pretty confident that the long-haired blond person with dramatic burn scars vaguely dressed like a zombie standing right there staring at their phone was probably Wild.

The lady next to him, dressed as some kind of mad scientist, wasn't someone he recognised either, but Wild had told them Flora might come along.

"Wild?" he called out, tugging both Aryll and Spirit with him as he approached.

The person looked up from their phone, smiling at them, and nodded.

"Yeah! Wind? Or Spirit?"

"Wind! I'm the captain! That one's Spirit. And this is Aryll! That Flora?"

"Sure is! It's nice to meet you guys."

Wind went to give Wild a brief hug, and Aryll tugged on Spirit's hand to get his attention and point to the group of little girls waving at her.

"I'm gonna go with my friends now! Can I?"

"Uh..." Wind looked over at them while Spirit and Wild hugged, seeing some of them were with their parents. "Looks like they're supervised. Sure! Have fun!"

"You too! Bye!"

And she rushed off. Wind waved at her before turning back to his own friends, finding Flora waving at them and walking away too, apparently not there to stay with Wild.

"Do you guys want to go in? I don't think anyone else is getting here quite yet," Spirit asked after checking his phone.

"Yeah!"

The festival wasn't too big, given it was working with the park's free space, but there weren't a lot of people around yet. Wind could see a few probably rigged game booths, and some sort of temporarily-set-up ferris wheel that was probably a lot less safe than grandma would like it to be.

"They had a temporary roller coaster last year too," Wind explained to Wild as they all walked around the park, pointing to the place it had been in. "We weren't allowed to ride it though because we came with Teacher and he was all boring and stuff."

"Teacher? You came with your school?"

"Nah, Teacher's my friend's dad," Spirit piped up. "We came with her and our other friend Tetra, but Grandma was like 'only if you have an adult' so Teacher agreed to come along."

"Sure, your friend..." Wind wiggled his eyebrows, dodging as Spirit tried to punch him. "And Grandma as in, my Grandma."

"You guys seem really close, it's fun to see. Known each other for very long?"

"Our whole lives! We've always been in the same class in school."

Wind continued telling Wild about some of the most dramatic stuff they'd gotten up to in the past, and took the chance to tell him all about Spirit's crush on his friend, Phantom.

Which might have backfired slightly when Spirit then brought up Tetra, but it was funny to watch him blush and try to shut Wind up!

All worth it.

They'd just tried their hand at one of the (incredibly rigged, Wind was not bad at it) games when Twilight and Four texted them. Twilight had handed his siblings off to different adult supervision, and Four had made it to the park's entrance.

So of course Wind calmly walked to the entrance like a normal person and didn't speed up ahead of the others and almost trip over his own feet.

There they found Twilight, tall and dressed like either a werewolf or a furry (Wind wasn't judging), and Four, comically shorter (were they really 17?) and wearing some sort of blanket hoodie thing that made them look vaguely like a ghost.

"Hey!" he shouted, waving his arms as he ran up to them. "Twilight! Four! Hey!"

"Oh! That Wind?"

Twilight waved back at him, and Wind practically launched himself at the other, going for a hug. He heard Four chuckle, and saw Spirit and Wild actually make their way to them too before he was put back down on the ground from the hug.

Introductions were speedrun real quick, not like they didn't know each other and know what each of them was dressed as.

Wind couldn't help but smile watching everyone interact in person for the first time! They hadn't known one another for super long, but he really enjoyed talking with the others and the dynamic they had developed over the short time they'd known each other.

Even if they were missing the sources of half of their sillies.

Man, curse Wars and Linkle for not showing up (but not actually, Wind understood and he was not whining about wanting all his friends to be there).

"Alright, we getting some food or?" he finally interrupted after Twilight put Wild down from a back-breaking hug.

"Oh yeah! There's some tables over there, we can get food and sit down to eat?" Spirit offered, pointing in the direction they were in.

Despite being in the park where the festival was still running rampant, it wasn't too crowded and Wind could see a couple of them fully free still, since there weren't that many people around yet.

Twilight and Wild insisted on getting the food themselves, which left Wind, Spirit and Four to save seats at one of the tables.

"Have you guys been enjoying the festival so far?" Four asked.

Wind couldn't help but notice they sounded different in person, voice slightly lower pitched than it had in VC the one time they'd talked. It was interesting, the way calls made people sound differently than they actually did.

"We haven't been here very long, but it's been nice to meet everyone! I've got to admit, I did not think Twilight would be so tall."

"Not like it's very hard to be taller than you."

"We are literally the same height?!"

"You're a little shorter!"

"No I'm not?! And- Uh- Four's shorter!"

"Huh? Wait, why am I suddenly included in this?!"

"Because he can't make fun of me for being short when you're right here?!"

"What kind of logic is that?!"

"You know, I can make fun of both of you for being short."

"Why are we making fun of short people?" Twilight's voice suddenly interrupted as Wind and Four tried to fight on top of the table, Spirit staying a smart distance away.

He and Wild carried some paper plates they set down when they moved off the table very calmly and not having to be dragged by the back of their shirts.

Well, maybe Four did, but Wind certainly didn't.

Man, it was shaping up to be such a fun day where Wind made no mistakes and made a great first impression with his online friends.

And it could only get better!

Chapter Text

[Links Fight Chain]

#general

Time (he/they): This place's been way too quiet since Halloween, I don't trust it. How have all of you been doing?

Soap Eater (he/him): Perfectly fine, how have you been?

Traitor (he/him): Is that what you call it?

Traitor (he/him) changed their username to InnocentSpirit (he/him)

InnocentSpirit (he/him): I've done nothing wrong ever

Gordon Wildsay: I wouldn't call Halloween 'doing nothing wrong ever'.

InnocentSpirit (he/him): I had nothing to do with that

Four (they/them)[🎨]: (He's delusional)

Soap Eater (he/him): Sorry Spirit, gotta be with them on this one

DommedWars (he/him): What the fuck happened on Halloween?

Twilight (he/him): Don't worry about it.

Time (he/they): Did even the adult supervision of you joining them not stop the chaos?

Gordon Wildsay: HA!

Soap Eater (he/him): If only you knew...

Twilight (he/him): In my defense, that guy was being a misogynist asshole.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: And that one stand?

Twilight (he/him): That was an accident, and I didn't start it!

Soap Eater (he/him): No you're right, that one's on Spirit!

DommedWars (he/him): Let me repeat myself: What the fuck happened on Halloween?!

InnocentSpirit (he/him): I had nothing to do with any of this

Hyrule (they/fae): Wait I thought it was your idea?

Soap Eater (he/him): It was! It was great.

Time (he/they): And what, exactly, was Spirit's idea?

InnocentSpirit (he/him): Nothing!

Gordon Wildsay: Don't worry about it!

Twilight (he/him): We did nothing that you can prove

Four (they/them)[🎨]: That doesn't make it any better at all, you all.

DommedWars (he/him): It's actually making it worse, what the actual fuck?

BetterLinkle (she/her): Can't believe I missed it, it sounds like it was so much fun!

Time (he/they): I think it's for the better that you weren't there.

Hyrule (they/fae): Nah, it was pretty fun. We should do that again sometime.

InnocentSpirit (he/him): NO!

Twilight (he/him): NO!

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Absolutely not.

Gordon Wildsay: You guys are no fun, a little arson has never hurt anyone!

Time (he/they): Arson?!

DommedWars (he/him): How the fuck is there arson involved in this?!

Soap Eater (he/him): Don't worry about it!

InnocentSpirit (he/him): I had nothing to do with it

Gordon Wildsay: I mean...

InnocentSpirit (he/him): I said I had nothing to do with it.

Soap Eater (he/him): Oh he pulled out the punctuation!

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Anyway, how has everyone else been? I've just been busy lately.

Time (he/they): Things have been pretty good on my end. Good luck with stuff.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Thanks, it's mostly just school stuff.

Sky (he/him): Good luck with school stuff, then! It's been keeping me busy too, but things have been good!

Twilight (he/him): You're a student, Sky?

Sky (he/him): Yeah! Doing a PhD, but yes.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: That is so cool.

Sky (he/him): Thank you!

Legend (she/they): Nerd.

Hyrule (they/fae): Didn't you say you're in college?

Legend (she/they): Shhh

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Not the same level of nerd, but still a nerd.

Soap Eater (he/him): Spirit's a nerd too.

InnocentSpirit (he/him): Why are you bringing me into this???

BetterLinkle (she/her): Is it making fun of Spirit day?

InnocentSpirit (he/him): You can't make fun of me, this is child abuse or something

Twilight (he/him): What happened to not being a child?

Soap Eater (he/him): We're only children when it's convenient for the bit!

Gordon Wildsay: That is so fair.

DommedWars (he/him): I'm pretty sure even some of the actual adults here are children when it's convenient for the bit.

Twilight (he/him): What is that supposed to mean?

DommedWars (he/him): Nothing.

Legend (she/they): I mean, is he wrong?

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Not really. But that doesn't exclude you.

Legend (she/they): I have done nothing wrong. I wasn't even involved in the fire.

Time (he/they): Why was there a fire.

Soap Eater (he/him): Don't worry about it!

Gordon Wildsay: What happens during Halloween stays in Halloween.

Hyrule (they/fae): I don't think the police will agree with that.

Time (he/they): The POLICE?!

Twilight (he/him): We haven't done anything the police would want to come after us for.

Legend (she/they): Except the arson.

InnocentSpirit (he/him): Stop making it worse!

Soap Eater (he/him): The arson was the best part though!

Gordon Wildsay: I don't know, I really liked it when Twilight sent that guy flying. But the arson was fun, and a lot more involved!

Four (they/them)[🎨]: I would've loved to have not been involved on that one.

Soap Eater (he/him): That is not what you said on Halloween!

InnocentSpirit (he/him): No but they're right to regret Halloween, so do I

Time (he/they): I regret Halloween and I wasn't involved, at all.

Twilight (he/him): Honestly that's for the best.

BetterLinkle (she/her): I would have loved to be involved. I want to be told, in detail, about everything that happened! Pretty please?

InnocentSpirit (he/him): Nothing happened!

Gordon Wildsay: The more you say it the less it feels like a real statement lmao

Soap Eater (he/him): That's because it's not true!

Sky (he/him): Oh dear. Are you all at least okay?

Hyrule (they/fae): We're fine, the burns got treated!

Time (he/they): What do you mean the burns, Hyrule?

Legend (she/they): I mean, there was arson involved, what did you expect?

DommedWars (he/him): Why the fuck were you involved in arson, what the fuck happened?

InnocentSpirit (he/him): Nothing, I just said that

Time (he/they): Right...

Sky (he/him): Well, my girlfriend had a Halloween show and I spent a wonderful day while you guys were doing whatever it is you were doing! 💕

Legend (she/they): Simp.

Soap Eater (he/him): Do I need to bring up that guy you brought along?

Legend (she/they): Shut the fuck up.

DommedWars (he/him): You met a friend of Legend's?

Gordon Wildsay: We got to meet her partner! He was funny.

Twilight (he/him): He's a solid quarter of the reason for the arson, I'm pretty sure.

Legend (she/they): He did nothing you can prove.

InnocentSpirit (he/him): No-one did anything you can prove!

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Sure we did.

Time (he/they): The more I hear about this the less I understand it, I'm not sure I even want to know anymore.

Twilight (he/him): I don't think you do, honestly.

Gordon Wildsay: What happens during Halloween should stay in Halloween!

BetterLinkle (she/her): Too late, we already know too much! Now you can't hide it from us anymore!

InnocentSpirit (he/him): There is nothing to hide!

Legend (she/they): Nothing that the police can prove, at least, we've been over this.

Soap Eater (he/him): The police is starting to not sound like an actual word now.

Legend (she/they): It's not, it's two separate words.

Soap Eater (he/him): So smart, thank you, you're right.

DommedWars (he/him): I feel like we moved on too quickly from the fact that Twilight apparently sent some guy flying?

Gordon Wildsay: The guy deserved it, it's fine.

BetterLinkle (she/her): What did he do?

Twilight (he/him): Bothered Wild's friend, so I punched him. Not my fault he went flying.

Soap Eater (he/him): It was impressive! I did not expect you to be that strong.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: I don't think any of us did. But I don't know if it says more about his strength, his anger, or about how weak that guy was.

Twilight (he/him): A little bit of each, probably. I didn't get in trouble for it yet, though.

Time (he/they): Yet...

DommedWars (he/him): I thought you were the responsible one, Twilight.

Twilight (he/him): Didn't you think the same about Four?

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Says a lot about how right he tends to be lmao

[Secret DMs Group Chat]

Mr. Captain Wind: Good job everyone, that was fun! Just remember to never actually clarify how much stuff happened.

Twilight (he/him): You've got it!

trainautismgobrr: I do wonder what they think happened lol

Mr. Captain Wind: Who knows! XD

Chapter Text

[DMs between mr.captain_link and colors_system]

Mr. Captain Wind: Hey Four beloved friend who I'm sure wouldn't mind helping a fellow teen out. Do you have any plans Saturday?

Colors (they/them)[🎨]: ... No...?

Mr. Captain Wind: Would you like to?

Colors (they/them)[🎨]: What were you thinking?

Mr. Captain Wind: Okay so there's this party thing going on that's only for like, people under 18, and me and Spirit were going but Grandma won't let me go unless someone older comes and 'supervises' and adults aren't allowed and we don't really have other older friends so! Would you like to come with us? :)

Colors (they/them)[🎨]: I- You know what, sure.

Mr. Captain Wind: Yay! You won't regret this, promise!

Colors (they/them)[🎨]: I feel like I already am.

Mr. Captain Wind: Wait why, I haven't even done anything yet!

Colors (they/them)[🎨]: Yet.

Mr. Captain Wind: Okay but can I ask another question tho

Colors (they/them)[🎨]: Can't exactly stop you, but sure.

Mr. Captain Wind: I'm just curious about everyone's discord names, so! Any fun stories behind yours?

Colors (they/them)[🎨]: Oh dear. Yeah hold on, I can explain.

Mr. Captain Wind: Yay!

Colors (they/them)[🎨]: Actually, you know what. Wind, are you familiar with the concept of plurality?

[Links Fight Chain]

#general

Soap Eater (he/him): Everyone say thank you Four because they're bringing me and Spirit out to a party on Saturday!

InnocentSpirit (he/him): Me and Four blame Wind entirely for anything that might happen during that (but thank you Four, I wouldn't be going either if Wind wasn't allowed to)

Four (they/them)[🎨]: You're both very welcome. I'm sure I will regret this.

Legend (she/they): Why would you ever agree to going with them?

Four (they/them)[🎨]: It was compelling, and they apparently need supervision that only I can provide (because this is an under 18 thing)

Time (he/they): There better not be any arson or the police involved this time.

Soap Eater (he/him): Okay in my defense most of that was Spirit

InnocentSpirit (he/him): No it wasn't!

Time (he/they): And this time it won't be mostly anyone because there won't be anything for you to take responsibility over, right?

Four (they/them)[🎨]: It'll be fine, I'll be a responsible almost-adult (and I'll also murder them if I get in trouble because they did something stupid after I agreed to supervise)

Legend (she/they): Good luck with that. If you need help burying a body do not contact me.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: What if I need help burying two of them?

Legend (she/they): You know what, sure. I'll help you bury them, but only if there's a minimum of two corpses involved.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Perfect, thank you.

Soap Eater (he/him): Wait why are you talking about hiding our bodies already, we didn't even do anything yet!

Twilight (he/him): Yet...

Legend (she/they): Even he can't deny that they'll do something lmao

InnocentSpirit (he/him): He will do something, I have never done anything wrong in my life before

Hyrule (they/fae): Halloween doesn't agree with that statement.

InnocentSpirit (he/him): Shut up

BetterLinkle (she/her): You can't just keep bringing up Halloween without telling me what happened! Come on.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Wait until we do the same thing with this party.

BetterLinkle (she/her): You can't do this to me! Can I come to the party?

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Nope.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Dang it.

Soap Eater (he/him): I can try to take pictures of the arson this time?

Time (he/they): How about you try not to have any arson this time instead?

InnocentSpirit (he/him): It might be too much to ask from him, but we'll certainly try

Four (they/them)[🎨]: Again, I'm sure I will regret this.

Hyrule (they/fae): Have fun!

Soap Eater (he/him): We will!

[Secret DMs Group Chat]

thegenderfae: Wait @Mr. Captain Wind are you guys going to do the Halloween thing with this party?

Ravio (not a scammer): Oh? 👀

Colors (they/them)[🎨]: I'm taking Wind and Spirit to a party, they are already talking about doing arson.

Mr. Captain Wind: Omg we should. It would be so funny!

trainautismgobrr: I know the Halloween thing was my idea, but I feel like Time might kill us if we do it again

Ravio (not a scammer): Please do not die!

LinkDownfall Official: They'll be fine.

Colors (they/them)[🎨]: As long as it's Time wanting to kill them because they keep implying they did a lot of stuff they really shouldn't, and not them actually doing stuff they shouldn't which would get me to murder them.

LinkDownfall Official: You know what? Fair enough.

Gordon Wildsay: If you end up doing that, do we get to know what actually happened this time too?

trainautismgobrr: Do we get to be like 'Twilight had to come bail us out'?

Twilight (he/him): Oh no, I'm not getting involved this time. I already felt bad enough to be messing with them about Halloween lol

Mr. Captain Wind: To be fair, you did cause the one thing that actually happened XD

Twilight (he/him): No, the asshole bothering Wild's friend did.

Gordon Wildsay: True! He deserved what he got, and you did amazing. Flora appreciated it.

Ravio (not a scammer): It was impressive!

LinkDownfall Official: It was pretty impressive.

thegenderfae: Still kind of surprised you didn't get in trouble for it, but it was really cool!

Twilight (he/him): Thank you all.

[Links Fight Chain]

#general

BetterLinkle (she/her): You know what, if the youngsters are having their little party and being cryptic about what crimes will be committed, what if the rest of us had our own thing?

DommedWars (he/him): "The youngsters" okay grandma.

BetterLinkle (she/her): We're the same age!

Soap Eater (he/him): Wait no but then I want to go to that too!

BetterLinkle (she/her): Nuh-uh, this is an adults-only gathering now!

Soap Eater (he/him): You're so mean to me. I came here to have a good time and I'm, honestly? Feeling so attacked right now.

Four (they/them)[🎨]: I mean, we're gonna have our own fun thing anyway?

Soap Eater (he/him): Yeah but now they're going to have a secret party meeting thing! And I can't be there!

Time (he/they): Which will probably mean less chaos than if you were.

DommedWars (he/him): You're letting Linkle plan it, I don't think that's actually going to be any better at all.

Legend (she/they): Would you say that, no matter what, our party would be dommed?

DommedWars (he/him): I'm going to strangle you.

BetterLinkle (she/her): lmao

Sky (he/him): Does it have to be a party? I think we said something about having a picnic last time, we could do that maybe!

Hyrule (they/fae): That does sound like fun!

BetterLinkle (she/her): A picnic with alcohol, so we have reasons for it to be adults-only!

DommedWars (he/him): Absolutely not.

Time (he/they): I don't think I want to see what would happen if some of you got drunk.

Gordon Wildsay: I'd rather avoid my Internet friends having blackmail so I think I'll pass on the alcohol!

Twilight (he/him): Wild what the actual fuck?

Gordon Wildsay: No-one can prove the naked lightning incident involved a drunk myself, or that there's pictures my friends have of it, but I'd rather avoid it anyway!

Legend (she/they): That clarifies nothing.

Soap Eater (he/him): But now I'm curious hold on!

Time (he/they): Alright let's all just pretend we didn't see any of that.

Hyrule (they/fae): Sure.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Is that a no to the alcohol then?

Sky (he/him): We can just have a completely normal picnic! With no alcohol, and no police involved.

BetterLinkle (she/her): Well now you just took absolutely all the fun out of it, you're so mean to me.

DommedWars (he/him): Believe me when I say we don't want to see what a picnic she'd consider fun would be like.

Soap Eater (he/him): I want to see it so badly.

Time (he/they): No.