Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Dear diary. Or journal? What do I call this thing? Why am I even giving this book a name?

Whatever. I'm V, a worker drone working for the Elliot Manor on earth. I don't know who will ever read this other than myself.

I was just talking to my best friend N, and she told me that humans sometimes write down their thoughts in a book. It's supposed to be therapeutic or something, and while I'm not sure it would work the same for a drone, maybe one day I'll leave this place and be able to look back on how I've grown over the years.

So, I asked Tessa about how I want to keep a journal and she happened to have a spare notebook lying around so I think it turned out perfect.

I decorated the cover a little bit, I'd like this to be a bit personalised. Maybe the humans will treat me like a person if they see it.

Speaking of N, I feel like she's been...off lately. She doesn't seem too happy despite saying she's fine when I ask. She's awfully bad at keeping secrets.

But I guess I can relate.

It's not like I've told her what they've done to me behind closed doors. But, I don't think I should. They told me not to tell anyone, N doesn't need to know, I don't want to weigh her down.

I just hope she feels better soon. She's my only real friend here, it hurts to see her so clearly sad and avoiding all help.

That's it for entry one. Not sure how often I'll be writing in this thing.

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Today was pretty normal, but I guess I should describe what "normal" looks like for me.

When I got off charge mode I was assigned a few tasks. They're pretty simple, most of them consited of just cleaning up rooms and making beds.

With Tessa being homeschooled for the most part, J was pretty occupied with tutoring her for most of the day and so she didn't get to be too mad at me for taking longer than usual.

However, it's not like I wasn't brated for it.

James Elliot is the father of Tessa. He acts sort of like a boss to me and the other workers. He gets rather angry when we don't preform as well as we usually do. And one of the ways he lets out that anger...

I'm not sure I can write that here. It's hard to even comprehend myself...

I barely saw N today. She also has a job and tasks to do but we didn't get to chat in between them like we normally do. I could tell something has been gnawing at her for a while now, but today it seems like her social battery was just depleted completely. She's usually more talkative. Maybe J did something? I wish I could ask but I know she'll just say it's fine. Despite the fact I could've sworn I heard sniffles.

I really hope she's okay.

The afternoon was uneventful. J got really mad at some drone for messing something up and I'm just lucky it wasn't me. I wish I knew what's going on in her head. We're all in this horrible situation, why does she think she's above us?

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Okay so today started off like the last few days, but once I finished my morning tasks I finally got the chance to talk to N directly and figure out what was going on.

When I first found her him today, she he seemed down. Nothing unusual considering that's all I've seen from N recently, but it didn't take long for me to put two and two together once I saw Louisa Elliot in a bad mood. N was always treated like the runt of the group afterall.

I didn't get to talk to him then, though. It wasn't until sunset I found him again. He was alone in one of the charging rooms, and I sat down on the floor next to him. He flinched slightly, but after a few minutes I finally asked him what was wrong and I guess I must've triggered something considering he broke when I asked that.

I didn't know what to do, so I just sat with him and let him cry.

We were able to talk after he called down, and I asked him again, this time he responded with an actual answer. He hated how people addressed him, he hated his clothes, but he wasn't allowed to change it.

I didn't know what to do in that moment. I never felt that way, I can only imagine how it would be like. But I talked to him, he said he wanted to be addressed like a guy, and I said I'll help him convince the humans to let him fully transition. Maybe Tessa can help us with that.

The rest of the day went as normal, and I was able to talk more to N, we were able to catch up and this time it felt more genuine than the last times we did, now that there wasn't anything between us.

It was fun! I was worried I might have done something to upset him but it feels nice to be able to talk normally again. Maybe I'll talk with Tessa tommorow, it's late as I'm writing this and N fell into charge mode leaning on my shoulder it's adorable but I have to leave. That's all for this entry

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Good news! After yesterday, N and I were able to talk to Tessa about the situation and she was eager to help!

Changing his voice was easy but we needed a human to do it in his settings. Now we just needed to get him a suit and haircut.

It took a bit of negotiating and arguing with Louisa to get her to let him borrow a suit from one of the butlers for a few days until we can get N one of his own.

She was reluctant at first, but Tessa asked us to leave the room and by the time she got out, she had somehow managed to convince her. I wonder how she got her to change her mind.

With the suit sorted and voice settings changed, we only had the hair to worry about.

Being drones, everyone just wear wigs, but N said he still wanted the same colour and texture he had and only wanted to cut it.

Once Tessa came back with a suit, we both tried to cut and style it until he liked it. It was a nice bonding moment, I don't usually talk to Tessa much. I'm always worried she's more like her parents. But today was a good reminder than not all humans are bad. Maybe she can help us escape one day.

Me and Tessa aren't hair stylists and it took a lot of trial and error to get it right. But either N got tired of waiting or we somehow managed to get it not too bad, because we eventually stopped and he said he was happy!

He changed into his suit for the first time and when he looked into the mirror, I could see the euphoria radiating off him. I've been friends with him for so long, and this might just be the happiest I've seen him. I was so happy for him.

J soon called N over to do his tasks and he had to go, but not before he quickly hugged me and thanked me and Tessa.

After he left, I decided to get started on my tasks as well. I can't slip up. I know what they'll do to me if I do.

As I'm writing this, it's still midday. I'll write more if something interesting happens.

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Something happened today that I never thought I'd live to see.

It went as normal at first. Yesterday after my last entry, I had a few more tasks to do, but J wasn't as demanding as she usually was. I brushed it off, I can never understand what happens in her mind anyway. But today she broke. Infront of me.

I was just cleaning one of the guest rooms, before she barged in and took my supplies and rapidly tried to get to every part of the room. I was shocked, because it was my task, she shouldn't have been there. But when I walked up to J to try to ask if I can continue what I was doing, she stopped and broke down crying.

I never see her display any emotion that isn't anger, or occasionally joy when she's with Tessa. The thought that she was even capable of crying was never something I entertained.

I tried to calm her down, but it was scary. She could've gotten mad at me, or hurt me. But I figured that we are all in this horrible situation together, I might aswell help when I can. Maybe she would one day return the favour.

That was when she dropped of the ground, and just sobbed. I didn't know what I could've done, I'm not close with J the same way I am with N. I didn't even think she liked me. But the scene was just...hard to watch.

I felt bad, so I showed her the breathing venting trick I once saw Tessa use to calm down from a panic attack. I counted to four on my fingers and breathed in, and then exhaled for another four seconds. The demonstration seemed to get the point across and she tried to replicate the pattern.
Once she calmed down, she yelled at me. But I had a feeling it wasn't something I did, she was talking about how overwhelming it was to be the best performing worker drone. About how she didnt want to be here. Things I related to.

It was weird to think this was the same J who constantly degrades my best friend and forces us to work no matter what. But she was just following orders, orders that took a toll on her.

We chatted for a bit. She still didn't trust me, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't a bit intimidated by her, even after her display of emotions. But...it's a start.

Not sure what to do with this information. I don't know if I can see J the same way again.

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One of Tessa's extended family members visited today. I wasn't allowed to talk to them much, not like I wanted to anyway. But they had a dog!

I had never seen one in person before, I've only read about them and seen photos on the internet. I wish I could have one.

N and I were tasked with supervising the dog, who was named Zoey, in another room while all the humans caught up.

Zoey was so sweet, but a little too exited over the idea of interacting with someone do I even count as a "someone"? new.

Despite her big size, she was FULL of energy. I wish I could live her life.

I noticed N was scared of her, though. He had never seen a dog in his life and knew nothing about them. And I don't blame him for being scared. If I saw an animal half my size with sharp teeth who keeps running around, I'd be scared too.

Luckily, Zoey was trained, and I managed to let her stay and not follow me when I approached N.

He's usually open to new things, but fear is something nobody can just ignore, even if it's irrational.

I talked to him about it, and he eventually warmed up to the idea and gave her a head pat.

Maybe it's the soft curly fur, or how happy she seemed when he pet her, but something in N must've clicked after that because he spent the rest of the afternoon playing with her and eventually spent so much energy running around he fell into charge mode while leaning on her.

I think I sparked a new obsession...

I spent the time after that just drawing and reading. With N and Zoey asleep I didn't have much else to do.

Eventually, Zoey had to go and N got pretty sad about that. I'll miss her too. I hope I can see her again one day.

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There's been a lot of talk about a new drone joining us soon. Tessa said that she used to work for the manor, but was thrown out for some minor offence. The drones that have been here for longer are saying she was repaired and is getting another chance.

N was pretty excited about it, because she's a newer version of his model, making her the closest a drone can get to having a little sister.

J wasn't as fond of the idea of having more competition. Whoever this new drone is, I hope she'll not be as hurt by J. My perception of her changed since what happened a few says ago.

I'm indifferent about having a new co-worker. There's so many drones here and N is really the only one I can call my friend. Not sure if even J can count.

But, I don't know how things will turn out. Because of N's excitement, I'm willing to keep an open mind. Maybe I can make a new friend here.

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Tessa went on some kind of robotics camp yesterday morning. Despite the fact she's not my best friend, I feel awfully scared when she isnt around. She's usually the one stopping her parents from hurting us more than usual. But yesterday she wasn't there, and she wouldn't have been here for another two days.

I was right to be scared.

With Tessa gone, James Elliot

I don't even know what he does. I don't even know if I'm the only one who this happens to. It just feels wrong. I feel gross after it.

It happens often. I can see the effects it's had on my physique. I always just hoped nobody else can.

But no matter how often it happens it never stops hurting. And with Tessa gone, it opened the doors for worse. I hated it. I hate myself. How can I let this happen? It seems so easy to resist but it's always so much harder in the moment.

It was so bad. I woke up on the floor ten minutes later.

My dress was destroyed. I still don't know what happened to it. My glasses were cracked on the floor. I couldn't get up, it was painful.

Then N found me.

I wanted to shrivel up there and die. He didn't diserve to see this. When he tried to ask what happened I snapped. But he didn't get mad. Of course he didn't. He was patient and gave me space and helped calm me down when I broke down crying.

He helped me calm down, brought me a fresh pair of clothes, he even set up Tessa's bed with my art supplies so I can draw comfortably.

He then had to go do some of his tasks. While he was gone, despite having my sketchbook, pencils, and a book about earth flora, I didn't draw for most of the time I was alone. I just, mindlessly stared. Thinking about how I ended up like this. What the future may hold.

Truth be told, I'm scared. Im scared of the future.

I doodled a few flowers from the book to take my mind off it. I don't know how much time passed, but N eventually came back and we talked, I vented to him and he reassured me he'll stick with me no matter what happened.

The night ended together, in each others arms in a hug.

It's been a day since then and the words N told me have not left. I hope he means it.

Tessa comes back tommorow, so hopefully this doesn't happen again.

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Tessa came back today. I'm not as close with her as she is with N and J but after what happened the day before yesterday, I tried to talk with her about it, because if anyone has a chance at doing something about it, it was her.

I asked N if he can come with me. I'm not scared of Tessa, but for the last three days all I've seen from humans are the bad side. Not to mention the conversation was hard enough to talk about, I needed someone who could help me talk.

Tessa said she'll see what she can do, but can't make any promises. I knew that James and Louisa don't treat her much better than the drones, but it's worth a shot.

In other news, the drone people were talking about arrived. Her name is Cyn, she's apperantly a sample drone for a new concept that was pitched to JcJenson a bit ago.

Cyn used to work here at the Elliot manor, but after upsetting some of the humans, she got thrown out.

This new company's idea is to take in broken or disobedient drones and make them "better". I don't want to think too much about what that would mean, but if this company's pitch gets picked up by JcJenson, they'll be bought and more drones would be sent there.

We still haven't seen the effects it has on drones, Cyn only arrived today. I haven't spoken to her yet, but she feels...off. I can't explain it. I hope I'm wrong, but I'm just scared around her. What if she sees the other drones talking or forming friendships? Would she report them to James and Louisa?

But, it's about time I make some new friends. I shouldn't let this scare me off. Maybe I'll talk to her, one day. She must feel lonely.

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Today seemed normal. N has been talking to Cyn an awful lot. Since her new model is basically a newer version of N's, they are as close as we can get to human siblings.

It's cute to see them get along so well. It feels good to see N so happy. But without him, I'm feeling a bit lonely.

J hasn't talked to me since she broke down infront of me a bit ago. She must be embarrassed because she showed emotion. I wish I could get through her. I wish I could hug her and tell her it'll all be okay. That one day, she won't have to live up to these standards.

But she isn't budging.

I just wish I can make everyone's worries disappear.

I've been spending more time in the library, reading up on plants and drawing in my sketchbook. I found another drone here, G, who I sometimes talked to as she dusted the shelves. But we're not too close.

I could probably talk to Cyn if I could just get over whatever is so off putting about her. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm the problem.

But, I don't want to be lonely. I want to talk to N more. I want to get to know her.

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Today I talked to some others to see if my suspicions about Cyn were just irrational or if they agreed that something was off.

I first talked to Tessa and she explained everything to me. Cyn was a worker drone who used to work here, and was generally sweet and kind, even if a bit naïve. However, when she accidentally stained a couch after tripping over and spilling the wine she was holding for guests, she was thrown out.

After that, a new company found her, and said they wanted to test out a new worker drone repair system, and they used Cyn as a sample. James and Louisa didn't care much, but decided the give them a chance. And that's where we are today. This new Cyn was just repaired, that's all.

That was a lot to take in for starters. She was kind and sweet but thrown out over a mistake? I was always scared of this place, of Louisa and James especially the latter. I know everyone's always scared of getting thrown out for the smallest of things but. I don't know. Its just chilling to get another reminder of how disposable we are to them. I'm scared.

Tessa then said that Cyn is fine, and I should get to know her. That put me a bit at ease. I know I can trust Tessa.

But I still can't shake the feeling. The way she talks, it's not natural, even for a robot. I don't think this new company did that good of a job fixing her.

And I found out I wasn't alone in thinking that when I talked to J.

I feel like since she had that breakdown infront of me, J trusted me a little bit more. She still stays away, but she does that with everyone. At least she isn't straight up bullying me anymore. I don't know, our relationship is a bit complicated.

J said she felt the same about this new Cyn. As one of the older drones here, J knew Cyn before she was thrown out. And despite the fact it wasn't for too ling, she described Cyn the same way Tessa did.

But she did tell me that this new version feels off, and she's worried about it.

That was all I got to hear from her, before J realised she was being vulnerable infront of me again and told me to get back to work.

I wish she can just open up.

I like talking to her. I like hearing her voice, on the rare occasions I hear her ramble about her passions. She doesn't like me that much, or at least doesnt show it. But I just wish she wasn't so closed off. I was to get to know her more. I hope she doesn't hate me.

I didn't talk to N. He's my best friend, but he's so close with Cyn. I don't want to hurt his feelings. I rarely see him this happy with anyone else.

Hopefully the future figures this out for me, I'm lost here.

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Today I finally got the courage to talk to Cyn and man do I feel like an idiot for being so scared earlier.

She was sweet and kind, and I could see why N got along with her.

I first was scared, like I have been for the last few days. But then, N approached me. We bearly talked recently so it caught me by surprise

He first apologized about not talking much. I wasn't mad about it at all. If I were in his place and my long lost sister just came back I would also dedicate most of my time talking to her. Though, I would be lying if I said I didn't miss him anyway. It's been scary alone without a friend I can trust to stick by through it all.

I told him there were no hard feelings, and we caught up a bit, it was nice. He then asked me why I was not talking to him, and that was when I opened up about my worries about Cyn.

I was expecting him to be mad, but he was super understanding, and offered to introduce her to me. I was tired of being alone, so I agreed.

I got to know her, I taught her how to draw, and we talked. She was genuinely interested in what I was saying, something only N had ever done. I was starting to understand how they're related.

We then had to go do our tasks, but it was nice getting to know Cyn, and I'm glad that dumb fear of mine was irrational. I'm glad I now have two people I can call my friends in this place.

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I haven't written in a while, but I've grown very close with Cyn. Her, N and I have been doing everything together, we're practically inseparable. I finally have something to look forward to in between my tasks. I don't think I've been happier.

All the bad still happen. The humans haven't stopped, but I now have a bigger support network to go to instead of just N.

As I'm writing this, both N and Cyn are in the charging room sleeping. Its late, but I got a few extra tasks assigned to me since I was goofing off with the others for a bit. I probably deserved it, but I don't regret it.

Life's actually looking up for me!

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I don't know what happened. I can't describe it. But I wasn't myself. I wasn't controlling my body.

I can still hear them. I don't know what got into me. What's wrong with me?

One minute, I was cleaning the table. The next, something took control. I don't know who or what it was, but it wasn't me. I wouldn't do those things.

It took me to the basement, and forced me to factory reset and kill certain drones and humans. I see it when I close my eyes, it's terrifying.

I want to scream, I want to cry. It felt so violating, I would never do that. I want to tell someone, but what if they get mad?

I want to be left alone. I want to talk to N, or even J, just someone I know. Maybe Tessa can help?

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It's been a few days since...that...

I still don't know what happened. But the only thing I recognised about it was yellow eyes, yellow glow, yellow symbols. Everything was yellow. And it spoke in a voice that wasn't normal. At least, not the way I see most of the drones here talk.

I didn't want to come to this conclusion but...it had an eerie connection to Cyn. But she wouldn't do that.

Right?

What if this was something this new company has done to her? Is this what the "improvements" they talked about are?

I was worried. So, I turned to someone I trusted l, someone who was close with Cyn.

I talked to N.

He was so understanding. He always is. But he also didn't think it was her. I know he just wanted to assume the best about his little sister (or I guess, the closest thing to one we can ever get) but even after talking about it I still couldn't get over the thought.

He must've noticed the change in my demeanor. He probably knew what he said wasn't the answer I was looking for. But I don't blame him for saying that.

He suggested to take my mind off things, do something to distract myself. We spent the rest of the day just talking or playing games.

No matter how many times we hang out, it still feels special.

But now it's nightfall, and I'm alone writing in here. N has a few more tasks to do but I have some free time, which has really allowed me to wonder and really process what happened as I write.

I can't help but grieve. I really did like Cyn. But now I'm scared of her. Again. But what if I'm over reacting? What if N's right and this isn't Cyn? What if I'm avoiding her again for something she didn't do?

I need a bit more time...

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I'm terrified in my own home. Can I even call this place "home"?

That...thing took control of me again. It introduced itself this time. I can't describe it, it's like a voice in head talking to me, but it wasn't a person. It brought me into some kind of simulation.

It felt like a nightmare.

Its name was something long, I can't fully recall it. I was still shaken up by where I was and who was talking to me. But it told me to call it by "the solver" for short.

It wore Cyn's voice like a mask. Are this thing and Cyn one in the same? Is this some kind of trick? Does it even have anything to do with Cyn, or am I just losing it?

I miss when N and I were close. I still love talking to him, and I still care about him a lot but... I don't know. Things haven't really been the same since Cyn showed up.

But what if she hurts him? What if this "solver" thing is putting on a façade to lure him into some kind of trap? Is this something set up by the repair company?

I just miss my best friend...

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Nothing has been the same since my last entry. Nothing has been the same since Cyn was brought here.

I've seen things I shouldn't have. I've done things I shouldn't have. Not having control of my body is a common occurrence.

It pushed everyone away. It pushed N away.

Robo-god, N. I miss when things were simple. I miss when it was just us hanging out and talking between tasks. I miss when it was just us.

He just feels so distant now. I can't bring myself to look at him the same way. Not after what the solver did.

I don't even know if it was real. I just keep getting visions? Nightmares? From the solver.

It takes control of me, hands me some tools, and my arms move without my permission. I hurt him, sometimes I did more.

And it plays over and over again. I can hear his screams, I can see the tears in his eyes and the worst part is that he never tries to stop it because I'm his best friend. I feel awful, the guilt never leaves me and I never know when it's real or not.

I even killed a human. Some random person I didn't know, but I can see it every time I close my eyes.

I don't know who I am anymore, this thing controls me so often it's routine. My body is shared with some entity with an everlasting thirst for blood that it can never quench.

I hate this. Why can't I just live?

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𝙸𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎... 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚒𝚝? 𝙷𝚎𝚛 "𝚍𝚒𝚊𝚛𝚢"?

𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚜𝚎 𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚖𝚢 𝚟𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚎𝚕 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚗 𝚞𝚙 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐. 𝙻𝚘𝚘𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚎𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚙𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚟𝚒𝚎𝚠 𝚖𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚘𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛.

𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚋𝚒𝚐 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚜 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚐𝚊𝚕𝚊 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚞𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚗 𝚊 𝚏𝚎𝚠 𝚍𝚊𝚢𝚜. 𝙿𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚜 𝚅 𝚖𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛. 𝙿𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚜 𝚅 𝚖𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚙 𝚎𝚡𝚎𝚌𝚞𝚝𝚎.

𝙷𝚘𝚠 𝚍𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞, 𝚊 𝚍𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚎, 𝚋𝚎 𝚜𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚃𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚊. 𝙷𝚘𝚠 𝚍𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝙽 𝚋𝚎 𝚜𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚃𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚊. 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚑𝚎𝚛. 𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚏𝚘𝚞𝚕 𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚛𝚘𝚊𝚖 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚜𝚎 𝚙𝚕𝚗𝚎𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗

𝙾𝚑 𝚅, 𝙸'𝚖 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚝𝚛𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚞𝚛𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞. 𝚈𝚘𝚞'𝚟𝚎 𝚜𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚑𝚞𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚜 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚍𝚘. 𝙸'𝚖 𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚐.

Chapter Text

I'm scared. I'm trying so hard to be strong but I can't. I've seen so many things I don't ever want to see again.

My hands. They were covered in oil and limbs. Every time I think about it I wish I had a working gag reflex.

I've been hiding out in the library a lot in my free time. Of course N checked up on me but I don't want him to know about what's going to happen.

I read the entry the solver wrote. I don't remember writing it, but it must've taken control of my body at some point a few days ago. It's been eating at me since I read it a few days ago, but I wouldn't wish this stress onto anyone. I'll stop it myself.

I warned Tessa, at least I tried to. She didn't entirely belive me. In fact, for the last few days everyone's been treating me strangely. I heard G, a drone I used to be somewhat close to before N, whispering things when I walked by. She avoided me, too.

I asked N about it the first time he came up to check on me since I started spending more time in the library. He said the other drones think I'm crazy they've been calling me delusional. That was actually the reason N started coming by. He wanted to ask me if I was okay, and if I wanted to talk.

I guess the others must've seen me when the solver was in control again.

Tessa reassured me things were going to be fine, though. I could tell she didn't belive what I was saying. But there was nothing I could've done.

Why can't I just be normal. Why did this have to happen to me.

I re read some of my past entries. I was so naive. I was so stupid. Why did I ever trust it.

The worst part is that N still doesn't know about Cyn. I don't have the heart to tell him.

The Elliots are holding a gala tommorow. Most of my tasks recently have been about setting it up.

I hope this ends well. I hope Tessa was right.

I was always sure things would turn oht fine. That one day I'll be abke to leave this place. But I'm too much of a coward to do anything. I hate this.

I wish I was never here. I wish I was someone else, somewhere else, living a diffrent life on a diffeent planet.