Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Look, Henry never claimed he wasn’t easy.

There’s a reason why men saunter up to him, why they even dare try their luck with with the hottest man on campus. Why they flash their teasing grins at him, eyes fixated on Henry’s lips. He doesn’t know why they even bother wasting their time flirting with him—he’ll fuck anything with a cock, really.

Henry loves sex, that’s all it comes down to. He loves the weight of a cock on his tongue, the fullness when someone pushes into him with a stuttering breath. He likes to be pushed over the edge until he’s crying, his lips red-bitten from kisses. He loves everything that comes with it, too. There’s nothing more satisfying than the ache he feels in his bones the next day, the twinge in his back if he moves too fast. He loves the soreness—a physical reminder of what had occurred the night before.

He revels in that same soreness as he sits down next to Pez, his best friend, wincing slightly. They’re at the café on their campus, and even though Henry isn’t looking at him, he can picture the grin on Pez’s face.

“Long night?” Pez asks, amused.

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” Henry says, smirking.

“C’mon, Hazza. That’s so vague, tell me everything.” Pez nudges him, knocking their shoulders together.

“I absolutely will not be doing anything of the sort.”

“Don’t be a prude,” Pez pouts. “You used to enjoy telling me things. Don’t bring back Modest Henry, I beg you– he’s so boring.”

Henry shakes his head, chuckling fondly. He should’ve been this coming.

“Fine. Four rounds. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten head that good in my entire bloody life. 10 out of 10. No notes,” Henry says, biting his lip to hide his smile.

“Henry, you absolute dog!” Pez exclaims, grinning. “Where did you pick him up this time?”

Henry looks around the café, raising an eyebrow.

“Here?” Pez asks, tone scandalously delighted.

“Here.” 

“Good God, man. Do you know how much I adore you and your slutty, slutty tendencies?” Pez laughs.

“I can stand to hear it more,” Henry says, pulling his cup of tea towards him. “Go on then.”

“Henry,” Pez says seriously, turning in his chair to look at him. He reaches out to hold his hands, his face sincere. “Please don’t change. I adore you and your slut era so damn much.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Henry grins, finally taking a sip of his tea.

“Are you seeing him again? That man?” Pez asks, taking a bite of his scone that’s lathered in a thick layer of jam.

“You know I never do,” Henry says, wrinkling his nose when he realises his tea has gone cold. “It just makes things needlessly complicated.”

“I fear you’re just afraid of commitment, love,” Pez says. They’ve had this conversation several times before, and Henry is not in the mood for this today.

“That’s not true,” Henry grumbles, signalling the waitress to get him another cup of tea. “I just think it’s unwise to pursue someone while I have feelings for someone else. Get their hopes up when I have nothing to offer.”

“Giving someone a chance can’t hurt, Henry,” Pez says, squeezing Henry’s knee. “Especially when you think there’s no possibility of you actually dating our dear Alex.”

Alex. Alex Claremont-Diaz. The absolute bane of Henry’s life. He had seen him at a party three years ago, dancing with a girl, and had immediately fallen in love with the man. He’s a walking cliché, that’s what Alex is. He’s the frat president, the lacrosse captain, seen with a new girl every single week. Hell, every two days. He’s painfully straight, or so Henry thinks. Pez insists that he’s at least a little fruity, but Henry knows he won’t believe it until he sees it for himself.

It isn’t like Henry is saving himself for Alex. He knows it’s not a possibility, not even remotely. It’s just that he’s giving himself some time to sit with what he feels for Alex. He wants to allow himself to truly feel this love that he holds within him before he tries moving on after they graduate. He’s too captivating, and Henry knows there’s not a single chance of forgetting Alex when he sees the man all around the campus, a gorgeous grin on his face. Just a few more months, Henry thinks. A few more months and he’ll be able to close this chapter of his life. Alex will be nothing but a memory Henry will look back on. He’ll think about the boy with the pretty eyelashes and the loudest laugh, and he’ll feel a slight pang in his heart. 

And then, he’ll fall in love with someone else.

Deep down, Henry knows nobody else will ever compare. He may have never talked to Alex, but he knows the cadence of his voice, how it dips when he’s angry. He’s seen him on the field, absolutely ruthlessly crushing his enemies, his skin glinting with sweat that Henry wants to lick off of him. He’s seen his head thrown back in laughter, his wild joy clear on his face for the whole world to see. He’s loud, unbashful, and unapologetic and Henry wants to drown in him until he’s suffocating. He knows he’s never going to love anyone like he loves Alex Claremont-Diaz. That’s a fact he keeps repeating because he knows it’s the truth. He’ll say it a thousand times more. 

He watches Alex’s Instagram Lives with hundreds, hell, even a couple thousand other people as he rambles on about whatever has caught his fancy that day. Henry has listened to him talk about politics, about barracudas, about instant coffee, about bloody gerrymandering. He’s unbelievably intelligent and Henry is in constant awe of him. Listening to Alex’s stream of consciousness has become oddly comforting as Henry putters around in his shared apartment, his airpods shoved in his ears. Whenever he listens to these Lives, he finds himself smiling more often than not and he wishes he could reach out through the phone to hold Alex close. Henry can picture what Alex looks like when he’s frustrated, when he’s happy, when he’s angry. It’s a curse. Henry loves him. It’s ruining his life.

It might be a problem, but it’s not the one he’s going to be dealing with today.

“I’ll give dating a try,” Henry promises his best friend. “After we graduate.” After he’s far, far away from Alex.

He knows Pez wants to fight him on this. He has a long list of friends he wants to set Henry up with, but he simply nods, biting into his scone. Henry loves Pez, too.

The first time it happens, it tilts Henry’s world on its axis.

He’s in the kitchen at one of Alex’s parties, making himself a drink as Pez leans against the fridge next to him, ranting about one of his classmates. They’ve been hiding there for a while, especially since Henry has had a long day. He lets Pez’s soothing voice wash over him as he unwinds, shoulders untensing. He’s pouring vodka into a cup when Alex walks into the room. He makes a beeline to the counter, standing next to Henry, giving him a smile as he reaches for a bottle of tequila.

Henry drops his drink on the floor.

Pez laughs loudly and stalks off to find some towels to clean the mess Henry has made, ruffling his hair affectionately as he does so. He throws Henry a wink as he tilts his head towards Alex, urging him to make a move.

He’s blushing, Henry knows. He can feel the heat creeping up on his cheeks and he bites his lip, looking at the spilt liquid on the floor. Make a goddamn move, you coward.

He wonders what he can say to Alex, how to start the damn conversation. This is his only chance. He’s wanted this for years and he has one chance and he absolutely cannot fuck this up at all or he’ll curse himself for the rest of his life. Before he can say anything, it’s Alex who turns to him, reaching out a hand to squeeze his forearm. Henry swears he almost combusts on the spot, feeling the heat of Alex’s hand, even through the fabric of his shirt.

“You alright, sweetheart?” Alex asks, a furrow between his brows. Henry wants to smooth it out so badly that he has to clench his fists to resist the urge.

There’s no reason for Alex to touch him. There’s a slight tendril of hope that has made home around his heart, and he takes a deep breath to calm himself down.

“I’m fine,” Henry says, stepping away from the puddle of liquid, slightly shaking his shoe that’s soaked in alcohol. The hem of his trousers have wet splotches on them. “I’m all wet.”

He registers what he’s just said then, wincing in embarrassment. This is how he dies, he thinks. Embarrassing himself in front of the most beautiful man he’s ever seen. 

Alex’s eyes practically light up in response, slowly dragging over Henry’s form. They’re dark as he looks back at Henry’s face, pupils so dilated that Henry can’t even make out the brown in them, a slight smirk on his lips.

“Not completely,” Alex murmurs, stepping closer. “I’m sure we can get you there though.”

Henry’s breath stutters in his chest. This cannot be happening, he thinks. This is straight out of Henry’s fantasies, and he begs himself not to mess this up for the millionth time. 

He closes his eyes. Pulls in a deep breath. Puts on his seductive persona. He knows he can pull Alex if he tries hard enough now that Henry knows he’s into men. No man has ever been able to resist Henry, and he knows how to use it to his advantage. 

“Yeah?” Henry asks, his voice purposefully breathy as he takes a step towards Alex, eyes dipping to his lips.

Alex steps closer, too, reaching out to slide a hand over the dip of Henry’s hip. It settles there like it has always belonged there: a perfect fit. His touch is scorching, and Henry never wants Alex to stop touching him. Henry raises a hand to Alex’s chest dragging it over the curve of his shoulder, and he slowly cups the back of Alex’s neck, pulling him in.

“Yeah,” Alex whispers, looking at Henry’s mouth. “So… so wet.”

“How wet, Alexander?” Henry asks. “You going to make it worth my while?”

There’s a movement in his periphery and Henry slightly lifts his head over Alex’s shoulder to see that Pez is about to enter the kitchen, towels slung over his shoulder. As soon as he registers how Alex has Henry almost pressed against the counter, his eyes widen in delight. He throws Henry a thumbs up then, and spins on his heel, sauntering away, an extra swing in his step. Henry almost smiles.

“Sweetheart,” Alex says, using the arms around Henry’s waist to press them flush together. “I’ll make you scream my name until you can’t remember anything else– until your throat has gone all sore.”

Henry wants to tell him he’s already done that a million times as he stretches himself open. How he imagines Alex doing the same with his long, elegant fingers. Henry knows he’d reach that spot inside him without much difficulty, how he’d press against it, teasing Henry until he’s crying. He’d bully him until Henry is begging him to come. He’d laugh at Henry with fondness. He knows Alex can never know just what Henry has pictured when he gets himself off. It. It’s not just Alex’s fingers.

Alex is slightly taller than him like this, the tip of his nose brushing the bridge of Henry’s, their lips inches apart. They’re both breathing shakily, eyes locked. A minute, Henry thinks. He takes a minute to savour the moment, to map the lines of Alex’s face, to commit it to memory. This is his first chance; this is his last chance. He’s never going to have Alex after this.

He feels the drag of Alex’s hand over his spine, the weight of it as he settles a hand over Henry’s lower back to pull him closer until there’s no space left between them. Henry wonders if Alex can feel how Henry’s heart is beating wildly in his chest. Henry tilts his chin out, wanting Alex to close the gap between them. He’s not going to be the one who does it. That’s what always happens in his fantasies, and if this is going to happen, he wants to make them a reality. Alex smirks like he knows what he’s doing.

“Going to make me do all the work?” Alex teases, their lips brushing.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Henry says, giving Alex’s hair a light tug.

He sees how Alex’s eyes slip shut, a quiet moan escaping his lips. Henry’s hips stutter, pushing closer. They’re both hard, and they haven’t even kissed. Why haven’t they kissed? Fuck. Fuck, this is going to end him, isn’t it?

“Sure, you-” Alex starts to say, moaning again as Henry gives the hair at the base of his neck another light tug. Alex tries again. “Sure, you don’t, you whore.”

“Alex,” Henry smiles.

“Mhm?”

“Kiss me,” Henry commands.

He watches how Alex’s pupils dilate, and Henry stops breathing as he watches that gorgeous grin take over Alex’s face. It’s blinding up close and Henry can’t stop staring. God, Alex is so beautiful. He’s so beautiful and he’s never going to be Henry’s, and Henry is going to take all the scraps he can get, even if it’s the last thing he does.

“I’m going to kiss you now,” Alex says, smiling.

As Alex is leaning down to close the gap between them, someone from his lacrosse team rushes into the kitchen, looking for him, calling his name. Alex pulls away with a groan but keeps an arm wrapped around Henry’s waist, not letting him stray away. He rubs little circles over his hip absentmindedly as he talks to his friend in rapid Spanish, mouth pinched. Henry feels the room getting hotter at the sound. He pulls at the collar of his polo, stepping away from the circle of Alex’s arms as he makes himself another drink. He needs more alcohol to get himself through this or he fears he will end it all.

“Alright,” he hears Alex groan in frustration as Henry is mixing his drink, pouring more vodka than he usually would. “I’ll come, okay? Christ.”

He throws Henry an apologetic glance, shrugging helplessly. “Sorry, sweetheart. Gotta go. I’ll see you around?”

Henry nods. He knew it was too good to be true, anyway.

Henry fixes another drink as he leaves the kitchen to find his best friend. The taste of disappointment sits heavy on his tongue, and he washes it down with another sip of his vodka. He’d been so close to getting everything he’s ever dreamt of, everything he’s ever wanted. He swears he can still feel Alex’s hands on him. He fears he’s been branded by his touch, and the feel of it was addicting, no matter how brief. Henry wants more. He always wants more. He’ll never stop wanting more.

“Henry!” Pez exclaims when he spots him, hurriedly detaching himself from the group he’d been chatting to. “What happened with your strumpet? You must tell me everything this instant!”

Henry hands over the drink he’d made for him, gesturing towards the balcony. Pez nods his thanks, leading the way. Henry feels like he can breathe for the first time as the door shuts behind them, isolating them from the noise. From the unfortunate love of his life.

“That was quick,” Pez teases. “Is he a five second wonder or what?”

“Nothing happened,” Henry mumbles, toeing at the ground.

“Nothing happened?” Pez repeats incredulously. “The man was practically dry humping you against the counter!”

“He was about to kiss me,” Henry corrects. “Someone from his lacrosse team came to get him for something, and he left. He said sorry sweetheart, and that he had to go, but he’ll see me around.”

“That’s so cute,” Pez croons. “Sweetheart,”

A beat of silence.

“Oh,” Henry breathes, snapping up his head to look at Pez. His chest feels tight, and his hands are tingly for all the wrong reasons, and he feels like he needs to jump off of the balcony right this second so he can put himself out of his misery.

“What is it, poppet?”

“Sweetheart,” Henry repeats, voice wobbly. “He called me sweetheart because he doesn’t know my name. He didn’t even bother to ask.”

“Oh, Hazza,” Pez sighs, opening his arms. “Come here.”

Henry readily steps into them, wanting to be held; he wants the comfort. Pez rubs his back, kissing his head.

“It’s alright, Hen,” he says. “One day, you’re going to find a man who will absolutely worship the ground you walk on, and he’ll mean everything to you. You won’t even remember the boy who didn’t ask for your name at some lame frat party.”

It’s a lie, they both know. Henry is never going to forget Alex, but they say nothing, willing to pretend, even if it’s just for a night.

“Thank you,” Henry says. “I love you.”

“And I, you,” Pez says, booping his nose as he pulls away. “Ready to go back, or do you need a moment?”

“No, I’m alright,” Henry says, and he even means it a little. “Let’s go back.”

So, they go.

Henry is dancing when Alex finds him again.

Henry doesn’t dance. It’s just not a thing he does. But there is a man leaning against the wall who’s been eyeing him, and he’s been feeling himself, so he slinks onto the dance floor, head thrown back, laughing with Pez. He’s pleasantly tipsy, and when Pez says he’s going to get them another drink, he doesn’t think about it too much. He nods, he thinks. Isn’t sure. He’s busy trying to move to the beat of the music, feeling the bass deep in his bones. The alcohol helps with the embarrassment he feels when he fails.

“You look like you’re having fun,” a voice says in his ear, his chest flush against Henry’s back, strong arms slipping around his waist.

Henry freezes, just for a second. He’d recognise that voice anywhere. 

“It’s all in the hips,” Alex advises. Henry tries to turn around, but Alex tightens his grip, swaying them to the beat of the music. 

He slides a hand over his waist to rest on Henry’s stomach, pulling him closer. He leaves his hand there, and Henry leans his head back to rest it against Alex’s shoulder, closing his eyes. There’s no space between them, and Henry is in heaven. He lets Alex dip his head lower as he presses his lips to Henry’s neck for everyone to see.

Let him ruin me, Henry thinks. He’d rather have this than nothing at all.

He feels Alex breathing against the shell of his ear and he shudders as his lips brush the skin. Murmurs, “You never told me your name earlier, sweetheart.”

“You never asked,” Henry says, turning his head so that his forehead is pressed against the side of Alex’s neck. He flicks his tongue out to taste the sweat that has been gathering at the hollow of Alex’s throat and he swears he almost dies when Alex whines, low in his throat.

“I’m asking now,” Alex says, hand still pressed to Henry’s stomach, his fingers giving it a little tap.

“I don’t hear a question,” Henry says, just to be difficult.

Alex laughs, sliding a hand under Henry’s polo to settle it over the skin that's exposed. The feel of Alex’s touch against his is almost too much and he wants to escape it, but he doesn’t. Can’t. No, instead, he suggestively presses closer, grinding back against Alex. Alex shudders.

“Please. What’s your name, baby?”

Henry has a visceral reaction to the term of endearment. He’s always had an affinity for baby, but hearing it in Alex’s sinful voice has his blood rushing south, head dizzy. He shivers, letting out an obscenely loud moan. It’s drowned by the music, but he can feel Alex’s smirk pressed against his skin, his fingers digging in.

“Oh?” Alex asks, teeth scraping Henry's skin as he gives him a little nip. “What was it? Me begging or me calling you baby?”

Henry’s head falls back on Alex’s shoulder, breaths coming out in short pants. He exhales shakily, eyes slipping shut, He’s hard, painfully so, and he can’t hold back the whimper that escapes his lips as Alex squeezes him through his pants, licking his neck.

“Both, then?” Alex laughs. “I can work with that.”

Henry’s too far gone, too lost in pleasure as Alex traces his fingers over the bulge in his pants lightly, still on the dance floor, teasing him.

“Tell me your name,” Alex repeats, kissing the corner of Henry’s mouth, his lips lingering. “Tell me it and I’ll fuck you so good you’ll never forget it, baby.”

“Are you bribing me?” Henry laughs. There’s sweat gathering on his brow.

“Depends,” Alex chuckles. “Is it working?”

“I could be persuaded more,” Henry says. “You aren’t that convincing.”

Before he can process what has happened, Alex spins him around, fingers cupping his face. His thumb presses into a freckle that sits high on Henry’s cheek, and he leans their foreheads together. His gaze drops to Henry’s lips as he leans closer. The anticipation has been building and building and building tonight, and Henry knows that this is the breaking point. 

He watches Alex under the pink and blue lights, heart in his throat. He wonders if Alex knows his kisses are going to devastate Henry, and that he’s never going to recover from them. They’re going to send his walls crashing to the ground. He wonders if Alex knows that the second he kisses Henry, he will be ruined for anyone else forever. 

He watches Alex’s eyes soften, flitting around Henry’s face as if he’s trying to drink him in.

“Are we going to stand around all night, or are you actually going to kiss me?” Henry asks because the look on Alex’s face makes something in his chest flutter, and he can’t have that. This is just physical, and it has to be quick and hard and rough.

As expected, Alex rises to the bait, his eyes fiery. He grips Henry’s chin to wrench it upwards as he leans down, covering Henry’s mouth with his. Henry’s hands dig into the back of Alex’s t-shirt as Alex manoeuvres Henry’s head sidewards to better the angle, fingers firm. His tongue is hot and insistent, tangling with Henry’s with such force that Henry stumbles backwards slightly. He tries to pull away, but Alex only pulls him closer, sliding a hand in Henry’s hair as he leans down, kissing him harder. Henry tastes the slight tang of blood on his tongue as Alex presses closer still, never breaking the kiss. He presses his fingers down against Henry’s jaw a little harder as Henry lets out a moan, shivering as his other hand traces the length of Henry’s spine. Henry has to break away then, his feelings too intense to ignore.

Without wasting a moment, Alex wraps a hand around Henry’s wrist to pull him away from the dance floor to drag him up the stairs. They stumble over their feet, and they giggle. Once they’re in the hallway, secluded, he pushes Henry against the wall, blanketing his body with his.

“Convincing enough?” Alex asks, pulling aside the collar of Henry’s shirt to press kisses against the skin there. His teeth dig in sharply, and Henry wants to cry at the thought of seeing Alex’s kisses tattooed on his skin. Alex’s other hand is pushing the shirt up higher, keeping it in place, leaving his stomach exposed for anyone to see. Henry feels filthy.

“Baby.”

“Huh?”

“Your name, sweetheart,” Alex says, sucking the lobe of Henry’s ear between his lips, giving it a little nip after.

“Henry,” he gasps as Alex pinches his nipple. “It’s Henry.”

“Henry what?” Alex asks, his nail flicking the nipple slightly. He soothes the sting by swiping a thumb over it and Henry moans, loud.

“Fox,” he says, head thudding against the wall.

“Henry Fox,” Alex breathes in the space between them, lips curling. “I’m going to absolutely ruin you.”

Henry thinks: You already have.

They make it to Alex’s bedroom somehow. They stumble through the door, still kissing, Alex’s hands curved around his hip. They haven’t stopped touching each other ever since they’d started—Alex’s hand pressed against the small of Henry’s back as he guides him to his room, Henry’s shoulder blade pressed against Alex’s chest. There’s no space between them, and Henry doesn’t understand how he’s supposed to go back to not having Alex in any way at all. He doesn’t understand how anyone else goes on with their life after touching Alex like he has.

He lets Alex pull his polo off in one fell swoop as he pushes Henry on the bed, climbing over him. He doesn’t get a chance to catch his breath. Just as quick, Alex’s deft hands undo his trouser buttons, his lips pressed to Henry’s stomach. He flicks his tongue against the dip of Henry’s navel, his teeth digging in, just for a quick second. Then, he smirks up at Henry as he rips his trousers off, leaving him in his pants. 

Look, it’s not as if Alex is bad at what he does, at least from the rumours Henry has heard. The thing is, everyone knows Alex is constantly running, jumping from one person to the other, so it is a shock when he sits back on his haunches to just look at Henry, his hands reverently tracing Henry’s thighs. There’s miles and miles of skin on display, and the fact that Alex is still fully dressed makes the blood rush to Henry’s head. He tugs at Alex’s t-shirt, asking him to take it off. Alex shakes his head, batting his hands away.

Then, he leans down to mouth at the inside of Henry’s thighs, his lips mapping the skin. He punishes Henry with a sharp bite when Henry tries lifting his hips, rutting against nothing, too impatient to get Alex’s mouth right where he wants it. In retaliation, Henry tugs at Alex’s hair harshly, and the moan that slips out of his mouth surprises Alex just as much as it surprises him, if his wide eyes are anything to go by.

“Oh,” Alex grins, chin resting on Henry’s hipbone. “You’re fun.”

Then, without breaking eye contact, he mouths at the bulge in Henry’s pants, flicking his tongue out. He takes his time, teasing Henry until there are frustrated tears building up at the corners of his eyes, making him whine.

“Fuck me,” Henry begs. “Please, Alex. I can’t. Fuck me. Fuck me.”

“God,” Alex groans. “You’re a fucking whore.”

“Please, I need it,” Henry cries when Alex hooks his fingers underneath the elastic of his pants. “Please, hurry up.”

“You sound so pretty when you beg for me,” Alex whispers, pressing a kiss to the tip of Henry’s cock once he has him naked.

“Alex!”

“Need my cock, sweetheart?”

“Need your cock,” Henry nods rapidly, his hair falling in his eyes. Alex nods sharply.

Once Alex gets rid of his clothes, he lifts himself up on elbow, slithering over Henry’s body to gaze down at him. He brushes the hair off of his forehead, hands gentle. It’s a juxtaposition, really. His hands are careful, but his mouth is not. He kisses Henry like the world is going to end tomorrow, but his hands take their time to trace Henry’s skin like they have all the time to spare.

Alex opens Henry up with practised, precise movements and Henry shifts his hips ever so slightly, accommodating the intrusion with a slight wince. Alex kisses him through it– once, twice, thrice, over and over – until Henry’s shoulders lose their tenseness, his body going lax. He teases Henry until there are tears falling from his eyes, his fingers bullying that spot that has him seeing stars. He tries hiding his face in Alex’s pillow, but Alex doesn’t let him. Every time Henry turns his face away, Alex shifts his fingers away from that spot, making Henry whine in disappointment. He’s rewarded by a press of Alex’s fingers right where he wants them every time Henry looks back at him, so Henry doesn’t dare close his eyes.  

He keeps looking at the man he’s in love with, watching how he smirks down at Henry with smug satisfaction every time Henry has to bite back a mewl, his mouth slick from how he’s started drooling a little. Just when Henry thinks he’s about to fall over the edge, Alex pulls away with a blunt scrape of his fingertips, pressing a kiss to Henry’s brow.

He’s softer than Henry was expecting. Alex is attentive, which shouldn’t be a surprise, but somehow, still is. Henry feels seen, feels cared for, and isn’t that the worst thing ever?

As Alex pulls a condom on, Henry has to cover his eyes with his forearm, Alex’s attention too much for him to handle. He’d expected Alex to fuck into him with quick thrusts, chasing his release, make them come, and roll away carelessly. He wasn’t expecting Alex to prepare him with his nimble fingers, kissing him until he goes pliant in his arms, checking in regularly. Fuck, Henry loves him. 

He wonders if it would be different if Alex loved him back. If he’d talk to Henry more, if he’d place soft kisses all over his face until Henry breaks down in giggles, if he’d weave his fingers through Henry’s hair to rest their foreheads together. If he’d tell Henry he loves him as their lips brush, their smiles too wide to actually kiss each other.

“Henry,” Alex says, pulling Henry out of his head.

Henry hums in question.

“Henry, baby, c’mon. Don’t hide your face,” Alex urges, wrapping a hand around Henry’s wrist to pull it away. Henry lets him. There’s nothing Henry wouldn’t let Alex do.

“There you are,” Alex says once Henry’s blinking up at him. “So gorgeous. So beautiful for me.”

He’s fisting his cock as he says it, and Henry whimpers, back arching. “Come on, come on, come on,” Henry chants, slapping the side of Alex’s thigh.

“God, I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing you beg for me,” Alex says. There’s something reverent in his tone, and Henry pulls him in so he doesn’t have to look at his face.

“Fuck me already, God!” Henry begs for the umpteenth time, his pride forgotten.

Alex trills out a laugh.

“Ready, baby?”

“Yes!” Henry exclaims, his hand hitting the mattress in frustration. “Fuck me before I bloody die of sexual frustration!”

“You’re funny,” Alex says, tone amused.

“I’m not fucking laughing,” Henry snaps, too impatient. 

Alex guides himself inside Henry then, kissing the freckle on Henry’s cheek. He keeps his mouth there as he slowly bottoms out, his breaths hot. He’s panting slightly, the hand that’s pressed besides Henry’s head to hold him up straining with effort to stay still. He kisses Henry as he gets used to Alex’s girth, until he starts shifting. Henry nods his consent, and Alex starts moving, starting off slow.

It’s intense. Alex’s thrusts are calculated. Measured. He knows what he’s doing, and Henry feels a stab of jealousy shoot through him. Just how many times has Alex done this with other men? How often?

Just as suddenly, his mind goes blank as Alex presses down on his stomach, picking up the pace. He’s started thrusting his hips earnestly now, setting a rougher rhythm. 

“Feel that?” Alex asks, his hand a solid weight over the soft dip of Henry’s abdomen. “Me? Deep inside you?

Henry nods, too fucked out to speak. Alex is filthy when he speaks, and Henry lets the soft cadence of his voice wash over him as he pounds Henry into the mattress. He pushes Henry to his limits until he’s stretched taut, right over the edge of his orgasm. He comes right when Alex does, his head buried in the crook of Henry’s neck. There’s pressure on his hips, and Henry knows he’s going to bear marks from this for days. He can’t wait to admire them in the mirror.

“Gripping me like fucking vice,” Alex murmurs as he flops over Henry, not pulling out. Henry doesn’t want him to.

Then, when Henry starts wiggling, Alex groans. Turns Henry over until his stomach is flat against the mattress, as he tells him to ‘not worry about the mess.’ 

The smack of Alex’s hand against his left arse cheek is a surprise.

Henry jolts, his cock giving a weak twitch.

“What are you doing?” Henry asks, not having seen this coming.

“Your ass,” Alex replies. “Is a goddamn sin, Fox.”

Alex kneads the flesh, his voice awed as he whispers in Henry’s ear. He slaps Henry’s arse again, murmuring about the jiggle it gives should be illegal. He traces the red flesh with featherlight fingers until Henry melts against the mattress, letting Alex admire him.

Then, Alex parts his cheeks and ducks his head down to eat his arse.

Henry shouts as he feels the wet heat of Alex’s tongue against his rim, his tongue licking a broad stripe over his hole. He spends several long minutes, hours, eating Henry out until he’s a sobbing mess, begging Alex to stop because it’s too much, rutting against the mattress like a bitch in heat. 

Alex comes on him, rising up on his knees, painting Henry’s back– his arse– with his come, and that makes Henry come, too. He cries through his release, his face wet, lips red and bitten. Alex places a kiss on the small of his back as he rolls off Henry, settling in next to him.

“That was good, baby,” Alex says, panting, turning over to pick up his phone from the nightstand. “You can go now. If you want.”

He’s texting someone back as he says that, not even bothering to look at Henry. He settles down in bed, legs falling open, a smile on his face as his phone pings.

Henry doesn’t think Alex means to be cruel, but he is. He’s dismissive in a way that leaves Henry’s skin crawling, and he doesn’t know why he’s surprised. It isn’t as if he expected to stay the night, but he’s still covered in his own come, his chest heaving. It’s barely been a minute since Henry came and he’s being kicked out.

He feels his cheeks heat up with shame as he walks into the en-suite, hastily cleaning off the mess from his stomach and his back. He pulls his clothes on, his hands shaky with the devastation he’s feeling. He blinks back tears as he washes his face, taking deep breaths. Stares at himself in the mirror. Once he’s calmed down a little, he walks out of the bathroom. Alex is still in bed, texting someone, and Henry’s stomach turns at the thought of him already flirting with someone else.

He nods at Henry once he sees him, and Henry walks out of Alex’s room without a backward glance, his head held high.

It is so humiliating when Henry realises Alex doesn’t remember him.

Five weeks ago, he’d ambushed Henry at a party, bothered him until Henry had given in, and he’d dragged him to Alex’s room on the second floor of his frat house. He’d fucked Henry until he was barely conscious. Had flipped him onto his stomach and eaten him out until Henry had to beg him to stop, his eyes teary.

And then he’d kicked Henry out.

Now, as he stands in the café on their campus, waiting in the line to order his tea after a particularly grueling exam, Henry realises that Alex doesn’t even remember his name. He’s there, arm thrown around a blonde girl, sitting in a booth, head thrown back in laughter. The girl is nested under his arm, sticking close, and she laughs at every joke Alex makes. Henry is sure they’re not even that funny. He can’t even blame her, he thinks. He’d do the same.

He doesn’t even register the fact that he’s staring at Alex until he looks up at Henry and their eyes meet. A stab of electricity rushes through him, turning his cheeks scarlet. It brings back memories of that night, of how Henry was in tears because of the overwhelming pleasure Alex had made him feel. He’d never felt that way before. Doesn’t know if he ever will again. Sure, he sleeps around a lot, but there was nobody who’d made him feel like Alex had. 

Now, he watches as Alex’s stare settles on him for a second, his face blank. There isn’t a single hint of recognition on his face as his gaze meets Henry’s, and he feels bile rise up in his throat as Alex turns away just as quickly. He doesn’t look back at Henry. He watches as Alex tilts his face downwards to accommodate the girl that’s whispering in his ear, her hand resting on Alex’s chest. Watches as he laughs at whatever she says, ducking his head to kiss her.

Henry leaves the café without ordering his tea, that’s the worst part. 

The thing about being in love with a frat bro is that it’s really hard.

Henry had known what Alex was like since his damn freshman year, really. He’s seen him throw parties every weekend, making out with different people each time. People talk. People talk a lot about beautiful boys who’d fuck anything. It’s no wonder Pez waltzes into their living room with a bottle of vodka in hand, beaming from ear to ear.

“What?” Henry groans, looking at Pez’s smug face.

“I brought reinforcements,” Pez sing-songs, shaking the vodka bottle. “A little birdie told me Alex was kissing Cassandra all over the campus today.”

Henry frowns, snatching the bottle away from Pez. He gestures for Pez to get the shot glasses as he unscrews the cap, nose wrinkling as the liquid sloshes over the rim and spills down his fingers. He licks the drops away.

“Why would you bring that up?” Henry whines. “Seeing it first hand was hard enough.”

“I thought you’d want to talk about it,” Pez says, pouring some crisps into the snack bowl. “Come on. Hit me.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Henry mumbles. “If I were to talk about every time I got upset over Alex hooking up with someone, we’d have to include it in our daily routine. It’s fine. I don’t care.”

“I don’t believe you,” Pez says, pouring them a shot. “Go on, have one. Tell Auntie Pezza your problems, white boy.”

Henry glares at him, but it lacks heat. He picks up the glass and gulps down the liquid quickly, wincing slightly as he feels the burn in his throat. He pours himself a second one and downs it, too.

“Careful,” Henry rasps. “This white boy is the only person who truly has your back.”

Pez’s eyes soften for a second before that grin slides back on his face. He nudges Henry with his toe, winking at him and Henry shoves him away with a laugh.

“Disgusting,” he says, chuckling fondly. “Get your nasty feet away from me.”

“I get regular pedicures, thank you very much,” Pez says, affronted. “Now, tell me about your boy.”

“He’s not my boy,” Henry snaps. Softens. “He’s not my boy.”

“Well, on the contrary-” Pez starts to say, but Henry cuts him off.

“Just because we slept together once doesn’t mean he’s my boy, no matter how much I’d like him to be,” Henry mutters.

He throws back another shot, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. His grandmother would be horrified if she saw him right now. The thought of that makes him smile as he pours them another shot.

“Alright,” Pez says, clapping his hands. “Not your boy, then. Tell me about not your boy.”

“Pez,” Henry groans, but he can’t stop the laugh that’s already spilling from his mouth. “You’re terrible.”

“You love me,” he says, blowing Henry a kiss. He pretends to catch it, slapping it on his cheek with a cheeky grin. Pez laughs.

“It better go on your mouth the next time,” Pez smirks. “You’re a catch, and I’d hate to see my kisses go to waste like this.”

“You’re incorrigible.”

“I blame you,” Pez sings. “You never set me right when we were children.”

“I have created a monster,” Henry agrees.

“You have, and the monster demands to know what happened with Alex today.”

Henry groans in exasperation. Pez is never going to let this go.

“Fine. Fine. He didn’t remember me, alright,” Henry grunts, pouring them another shot. It’ll be fine; they don’t have classes tomorrow, anyway.

“Didn’t remember you…?” Pez trails off, his voice gentle.

“I went to the bloody café on the campus to get some tea after my exam, even though the sludge they sell there is a disgusting excuse for tea. I mean, the next time I’ll find out that they actually heat their water in the microwave-”

Pez clears his throat, raising an eyebrow. Henry flushes. He’s just really bloody passionate about his tea, alright?

“Anyway, as I was waiting in the queue, I saw Alex hanging out with his friends. Cassandra was sitting next to him, and they were flirting, and I didn’t even realise I was staring, but I was. I was staring so hard, Pez,” Henry confesses. This is what he loves about their friendship—he can tell Pez every detail, every time he comes off as a fool, but he never feels embarrassed.

Pez hums, gesturing to Henry to carry on.

“Well, Alex looked up and our gazes met. He looked at me blankly like he’d never even seen me before in his goddamn life. Like he hadn’t changed mine when he kissed me like he’d die without it.”

Pez frowns, pulling Henry into him. He curls into Pez’s chest, letting him rub Henry’s back. It’s been like this since they were children. Physical touch is their love language and Henry finds extreme comfort in being blanketed by his body, his face tucked in Pez’s sturdy chest.

“I’m sorry, love,” Pez says, running a soothing hand over his spine. “That’s got to hurt.”

“It does,” Henry confesses, voice small. “I wasn’t expecting us to jump into dating, obviously. Or even being friendly. I just…”

“You just expected him to remember you,” Pez finishes his sentence. Henry can’t do anything but nod.

“That’s absolutely valid, dove. You’ve slept with, like, a thousand men this year alone and you remember them. Expecting him to remember you is not asking for too much, you know.”

“I know,” Henry mumbles, voice muffled. “It just sucks.”

“Well, he is a fuckboy,” Pez says. Henry lets out a watery laugh.

“What?” Pez asks, and Henry can hear the smile in his voice. “He is.”

“He is,” Henry agrees with his own smile.

“You know,” Pez starts, and Henry knows he’s going to say something outrageous. “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone.”

“That’s terrible advice,” Henry says, shoving at Pez’s chest so he can grin up at him.

“Never failed me once, poppet,” Pez winks.

“Well, it can’t hurt, I suppose.”

“Atta boy,” Pez smirks, pouring them more shots.

The night is just getting started, anyway.

Saturday night finds them at the bar, even if Henry is in a maudlin mood. Pez has slinked off to the bathroom leaving Henry alone. He’s spiralling.

The thing about sleeping with someone you love but can’t have, Henry thinks, is that it destroys you.

Sure, he’d thought about how that would feel. Had told himself countless times that sleeping with Alex was not a good idea, even though he’d known that if the opportunity ever came up, he’d snatch it with desperate hands. Now, as he’s standing by the bar nursing a drink, he wishes he would’ve listened to his past self.

He doesn’t understand how he’s supposed to just move on now that he knows what Alex tastes like, how his hands encompass Henry’s hips. Henry now knows that Alex buries his face in the crook of Henry’s neck when he’s about to come, his teeth sinking into the skin.

Henry can’t have him, not again. Never again.

Just like Henry, Alex never sleeps with the same person twice. He’s always looking for the next person to be with, never staying. Henry does it because he’s afraid of genuinely falling in love with someone. He can’t risk that when he’s already in love with a mouthy American. He's been in love with Alex for ages, really. He remembers the first time he’d seen him at a fraternity party three years ago.

“I’m going to marry him someday,” Henry had said to Pez, eyes fixed on Alex Claremont-Diaz who was dancing unabashedly, a carefree grin on his face, his skin bathed in the colours from the strobe lights. He looked absolutely breathtaking, the purples and pinks complementing his dark skin.

“Him?” Pez had snorted. “Good luck, Haz. That man is a commitment-phobe. The word monogamy is not even in his dictionary.”

“Doesn’t matter, I’ll buy him a new one then,” Henry had smiled. “I’m going to marry him someday, just you wait and see.”

So, in truth, Henry knows if he even decided to give someone else a shot, he’d feel terrible about it. He’s not going to be that person who pursues someone else while having feelings for Alex. He’s not going to play with someone’s feelings like that, he’s not going to fall that low. He doesn’t have the energy for casual dating at the moment, so picking people up for a night is what’s truly convenient for him. He loves sex, sue him. 

Look, he knows sex is not the best way to cope with a broken heart, but it’s all he’s ever known. It’d started when his dad had passed away—he remembers the endless nights of drinking, the drugs, waking up in places he’d never even been to before. 

He’s not proud to admit it, but when his sister, Bea, had started losing herself in drugs, he wasn’t too far behind, the pain too much to bear on his own. It had taken root in his chest and it kept growing and growing, and growing, but he found out that he didn’t care for it too much when he was snorting a line of coke at house parties, his sister’s laugh tinkling in the background. He remembers how the euphoria filled haziness made the pain of losing the only man he’s truly cared about—the only man who has cared about him—go away. He remembers having to take more every time he woke up because not taking any drugs made him physically sick. He remembers finding solace in the arms of strange men, no matter how temporary. He remembers how safe he’d feel when he was blanketed by their bodies, the memory of his father too distant to actually remember it. He was good at it, sex. He wasn’t particularly safe with it. He didn’t care about what happened to him.

It was an endless cycle of drugs and sex and self-loathing. Bea was his enabler, just like he was hers. It wasn’t a healthy way to cope, but that is all they had; their mum was too lost in her own pain to give a damn about them.

It was Philip, their brother, who had pulled them out of that self-destructive cycle, surprisingly. He’d driven three hours out of London with Pez at four in the morning to pick them up at the club, tears in his eyes. He’d never seen his brother cry, even at their father’s funeral, and it had startled him so much that Henry had started thinking about how Philip had lost his father, too. He’d checked himself into rehab with Bea two days later.

Henry had the drug problem under control now. But the sex? He likes it too much to give it up. He always uses a condom now. Gets tested regularly. He doesn’t think he could truly give it up because he likes how full he feels when a man fucks him a little too much. Loves sucking dick too much to give it up. He’s much safer about it all now though. 

He’d been shamed too many times for this before. By Bea, by Philip, by bloody Martha. They did it in a way that made Henry feel like he was doing something wrong and bad and that he was cheap, but Pez has always had his back. He always said what Henry needed to hear, and it had taken so much effort, but Henry was no longer ashamed of being a slut. He goes out and pulls whenever he wants to and he’s fucking proud of it.

Pez says he’s in his “responsible slut era,” as he ruffles his hair and Henry adores him.

Henry finds a man to hook up with at the club.

The best way to get over someone is getting under someone– Pez’s words echo in his mind as he laughs a little hysterically. There’s a man across the dancefloor, sitting at the bar, who has been staring at him all night, his deft fingers twirling the glass. Henry stares. He knows those fingers will feel incredible inside him. The way he’s playing with his glass makes Henry’s stomach swoop, so he looks at the man from beneath his eyelashes and lets his lips stretch in that grin that sends men down to their knees.

His fingers stutter, and the glass goes flying over the counter. Henry smiles. It’s oddly charming. Henry leans back against the wall, raising an eyebrow. He shifts a little in a way that has the collar of his shirt falling open, exposing the skin at the base of his throat. Then, he tilts his head invitingly, a smirk rising on his face when the man gets up from his seat to saunter across the floor towards Henry. He stops a couple of inches away from him, his face pleased.

“Hey, gorgeous,” he says. “What’s your name?”

What’s your name, sweetheart? Alex’s voice echoes in his mind. Right. This is what he needs to forget.

“I’m Henry,” he says, resting a hand on the man’s pec as he slightly digs his nails in. “What’s yours?”

“Stephen,” The man—Stephen—smiles, resting his hands on Henry’s hips to pull him close. He kisses Henry on his cheek, lingering. It’s the freckle that sits there, Henry knows. People have a weird fixation on it. That, and the mole that sits on the top corner of his lip. “It’s lovely to meet you, Henry.”

“You as well,” Henry exhales, a little shaky, fisting a hand in the collar of Stephen's shirt to eliminate the space between them. “I think you should kiss me.”

Then, his brain shuts down as the pretty man leans in to kiss him.

Henry is being given a hickey by Stephen, his head thrown back against the wall when he spots him. Alex.

He should’ve fucking known. He’s never once caught a break in his life, and why should it start now?

Henry’s eyes are half-lidded as he spots Alex dancing on the dance floor bathed in the pretty pink light. He watches as Alex’s skin glows as the lighting changes to purple, changes to blue. He looks gorgeous under every shade, and Henry is never going to love anyone like he loves Alex Claremont-Diaz. He’s there, just dancing, but Henry can’t look away. He’s gorgeous like this, not a single care in the world. The way Alex’s hips move brings back memories that he absolutely should not be recalling, not when Henry’s wrapped around another man. That doesn’t stop it from happening.

“How are you real?” Alex groans before kissing Henry like he holds all the answers to the universe. 

“Maybe you dreamt me up,” Henry laughs.

“I’m convinced I did, baby.”

Henry had never moved on. 

Alex is dancing, and reality slaps him across the face. Alex’s hands are holding a girl’s waist; she's swaying her hips against his as he holds her in place, his chin resting on her head. His eyes are closed, but there’s a slight smile on his face. She’s tiny, engulfed in his arms, and Henry feels a pang in his chest. Despite it all, Alex does have a type, and Henry is not it. It’s time he gets that through his thick skull.

Henry is not Alex’s type, but he is Stephen’s.

So, he lets Stephen slip his hands under Henry’s shirt, tracing Henry’s spine with his warm hands. The way his hands engulf Henry’s back have his knees going weak, and he wraps his arms around Stephen’s shoulders to hold him up. Indulgent, he arches into the touch, eyelids drooping. He moans when Stephen’s insistent tongue brushes his as he kisses Henry, and he wraps his leg around his thigh. Stephen’s nails leave scratches down his back, and Henry delights in the sting.

It’s a thing for him—marks. He loves seeing them on his back, scattered around his hips. Alex had left his mark on him, and Henry had admired them in the mirror for days. He had half a mind to get them tattooed, a visual reminder of what had occurred between them that night. A reminder of something that would never happen again, no matter how much he was gagging for it.

That, and he loves being dragged, tossed around like he weighs nothing. Strong men have his pants tightening obscenely, and if the way Stephen's arms bulge in his shirt are anything to go by, Henry knows he is going to have a fantastic night tonight, Alex be damned. 

Henry lets Stephen manhandle him, feeling giddy. Stephen wraps an arm around Henry’s waist to steer him away from the crowd, and shoves him into an alcove, secluded, but not hidden from view. He lets him skim his hands down the back of Henry’s thighs to lift Henry up so that he can pin him against the wall with hands under Henry’s thighs, his legs wrapped around Stephen’s waist. He tightens his hold, his cock leaking a bead of precome. That was unnecessarily hot. 

The corner they’re hiding in is dark and secluded, sure, but he still has a clear view of the dance floor. Of Alex. Henry forces himself to close his eyes so he doesn’t think about Alex too much, and then he doesn’t have to force himself anymore when Stephen thrusts up against him, his cock snug against Henry’s arse.

He pushes back, rutting back against Stephen, needy whimpers falling from his lips. The friction is delicious and he needs to be fucked now, and he opens his eyes to look down at Stephen to tell him as much, but instead, his gaze meets Alex’s unwillingly. 

A jolt runs down Henry’s spine as he watches Alex watch him, and he can’t rein in the loud moan that pushes through his lips. His mouth drops open, lips slick with saliva, his arms tightening around Stephen’s shoulder. Alex’s stare is intense, never straying away from Henry, even if the girl in his arms demands his attention. He simply runs an absent hand over her torso as he looks at Henry, jaw clenched tight.

Then, peering at Alex, Henry slips a hand in Stephen’s hair to give it a harsh tug, biting his lip. Stephen buries his face in the crook of Henry’s neck, fingers digging into the meat of Henry’s flesh, and Henry watches as Alex’s mouth drops open slightly, eyes fixated on Henry’s hand. He licks his lips, and Henry can see how his hold tightens around the girl. Henry almost smirks. 

When Alex looks back at him, his eyebrows are furrowed. Henry notices his breaths quicken, watches how he turns the girl around so that she’s facing him. Alex lowers a hand to cup her arse just as Stephen pushes up against him, and Henry has to drop his chin to rest it on Stephen’s shoulder because the sight does something to him. Alex’s hands are harsh and Henry relishes in the fact that he’s making Alex feel some kind of way, even though he’s not touching him at all. Even though he hasn’t touched him in weeks.

Suddenly, the possibility of Alex fucking him again isn’t improbable. 

He needs to put on a show. Despite it all, he can’t resist looking back at Alex. He knows that he should be focusing on Stephen, on how good he’s making Henry feel, on how he has been holding Henry up like it's effortless, but nothing else is as important as having Alex fuck him again. The world could be ending right now, but Henry’s only goal would still be trying to make this look good for Alex so Henry can have a turn again.

Alex is staring at Henry, lips pursed. Having Alex’s attention on him while Stephen murmurs filthy nothings in his ear is doing things to him; Henry can’t stop moaning as he meets Stephen’s thrusts. Henry pulls at Stephen’s hair so he can slot their mouths together, lose himself in his taste, eyes still on Alex. He sucks on Stephen’s bottom lip, trying to make it look better than it feels.

Alex doesn’t look away. Instead, he matches Henry, toe to toe. Alex dips his head to kiss the girl without breaking eye contact either. They’re both kissing other people while staring at each other, wishing they were kissing each other, and Henry is sure nothing hotter than this has ever happened to him in his entire goddamn miserable life.

Henry opens his mouth when Stephen’s tongue swipes his bottom lip, begging for entrance. He angles his head so that he can lick into Stephen’s mouth as he stares at Alex, tugging at his lip with his teeth, just how he knows Alex likes. Watches how Alex looks back at him as he moves his lips against the girls, his hand gripping the back of her neck, just like Henry likes. It’s a game, and they go on for a while, trying to one up each other, mouths open, and Henry doesn’t think he’s ever going to forget the intensity of Alex’s eyes as they meet his, even in his dreams. Fuck, he’s never going to move on from his man in his entire goddamn life.

Henry’s head makes a little thud as he rests it against the wall behind him when it gets too much, mouth swollen, chin slick, holding on for dear life as Stephen unbuttons his shirt to sink his teeth into Henry’s collarbone. The move is so reminiscent of Alex on their first night that that’s how he comes—Stephen’s mouth on his neck, Alex’s stare on him, memories of their night playing on a loop behind his shut eyelids.

Alex never diverts his gaze away, watching greedily as Henry comes, breaths leaving him in short pants. His hands are clutching the back of the girl’s top, and Henry imagines that it’s so he can resist the urge to reach out to Henry. He can dream. Stephen kisses him, setting him back down on his feet.

Henry finally looks away.

He knows that Alex is going to come looking for him after this whole— this whole fiasco— deep in his bones. And, well, he can’t wait to see how this plays out. It might just be in his favour, if he plays his cards right.

Chapter Text

If Henry is being honest, he’s never been the best at waiting. 

He prefers taking charge. He likes making things happen as opposed to waiting for them. For him, it’s easier to be in control. It’s a habit he’d picked up during rehab–  before it, it was like he was locked in a tower, like everything passed him by. But he was done waiting for things to just happen to him. He prefers to chase things, grab whatever he wants without feeling guilty now.

It’s like an itch under his skin, this thing with Alex. 

It’s been three entire days since the fiasco at the club, and Henry wants to seek Alex out so badly that it makes his bones ache.

He also knows this thing with Alex, it can’t be something he reaches for. He needs to wait it out, needs to be patient. He needs to let Alex come to him instead of chasing him, no matter how much he wants to. He’d chase that man until the end of the world if he’d had to. He’s not going to.

He’s going to let Alex come to him.

Alex will.

“Hazza,” Pez sings as he lets himself into their flat, a comically large box of donuts in his hand. “I’ve got news; I need to talk to you. Come on out! Don’t keep me waiting.”

Henry walks into their living room, his feet bare to settle down on the couch, curling into himself. He’s still in his pyjamas, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes when Pez plops down next to him, so close that it makes Henry fall into him with a muttered oof. He shoves Pez away with a laugh as he shakes his head.

“What is it?”

“Remember when I dragged you clubbing last week?” Pez asks, elbowing Henry.

Henry pushes him away. Nods.

“Remember when you told me a man made you come as he held you up with his strong, strong arms as Alex watched?”

“A bit hard to forget that, mate,” Henry snorts.

“I don’t blame you,” Pez says, clicking his tongue. “It’s hard to see others live your dream.”

“Sod off,” Henry laughs. “Why would you ask me that at eight in the morning?”

“Well,” Pez says, passing Henry the box as he flops back in his lap. “Our darling Alexander stopped me at the cafe today. Asked me if I knew you because apparently I know everyone and their grandmother.”

Henry leans forward to set the box of donuts on the table after grabbing one, poking Pez in his cheek from where he’s still laid in Henry’s lap.

“What did you say?”

“Said you were the love of my life and that I was going to marry you someday,” Pez says seriously, taking a sip of his god awful iced coffee, somehow still lying down. The paper straw has practically dissolved. Henry doesn’t question it. 

Henry raises an eyebrow, his face set in a deadpan expression.

“Fine,” Pez sighs. “You don’t even play along anymore, Haz. I’m so disappointed. We should get a divorce.”

“Only if I get the house, love.”

“I fear it’s my pride and joy,” Pez frowns. “I disagree. No divorce for us. David shan’t grow up in a broken home, my darling husband.”

“He’s a dog,” Henry says, lips quirked.

“How dare you? He’s my son,” Pez exclaims, shoving at Henry’s shoulder.

Henry laughs. They sober up then, and Henry asks Pez about Alex again, licking the icing off of his donut.

“Honestly? I told him that we’ve been mates since we were children, and that we live together,” Pez explains.

“Alright? Then?”

“He was quite surprised, actually. Recovered pretty quick though. He asked for our address.”

“Tell me you didn’t,” Henry says, feeling the dread creep upon him.

“Do you want me to lie to you, Henry? My best mate? The love of my life?”

“What did you do,” Henry asks, but it’s a statement more than a question.

“Don’t you worry, my love. I told him I can’t do that without asking you. I was extremely tempted though…”

At Henry’s incredulous look, Pez shifts to lift himself up on his knees, his hands clamping down on Henry’s shoulders to look him in the eye.

“I just want you to see where this goes, Haz. I have a good feeling about this, despite how shitty things might have ended the last time.”

“I know,” Henry says softly. “Me, too. Who would’ve thought?”

“Me. Now, Henry, the light of my life, I may have done something else. Before you say anything, just remember I love you very much.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Henry smiles, amused by how Pez’s face has scrunched up. “Alright. Hit me.”

“I may or may not have given him your number. Leaning towards may. I may have. I may, nay, definitely did.”

“Pez,” Henry groans. “You hate me. You want me dead.”

“I quite love you, dove. Don’t think I’ve forgotten you telling me that you were going to marry him someday, mate. I’m just trying to do my job as your future best man.”

“Your faith in me is astounding. Truly.”

“If there’s anyone who can do it,” Pez starts, surprisingly earnestly. “It’s you.”

“I trust you,” Henry grins, biting his lip. Smiles bashfully. “I can.”

Pez cheers. “That’s my boy!” 

Alex doesn’t use his number.

Henry’s heart leaps out of his damn chest every time his phone vibrates, but Alex doesn’t use his bloody number.

No, the wanker finds Henry during the middle of his class. 

Henry loves his Introduction to Chaucer class, always has. Alex doesn’t take it. Still, for some unfathomable reason, he walks into the class thirty minutes in, searching for Henry, and makes a beeline towards him at the back of the class without looking away when he spots him.

Then, he sits next to him.

Alex doesn’t say a thing. He just looks at the professor as if he’s hanging onto every single word, a slight smirk on his face. Henry knows he’s in trouble. He looks around; there’s over eighty people in this class, but nobody is sitting in the row they’re in. There’s fear coursing through his veins, but it is not unwelcome. The thrum of his heart is loud, worryingly so, but Henry cannot wait to see where Alex takes this.

When twenty minutes pass, and Alex does nothing, Henry lets his guard down. His shoulders untense, and he even pays enough attention to his professor that he ends up taking some notes, no matter how brief. 

That’s his first mistake, thinking that Alex could just sit there without a purpose– just exist in the same space as Henry without wanting something from him.

He’s in the middle of typing a sentence when it happens. Henry’s eyes are fixed on his screen, his lip clenched between his teeth, when Alex places his hand on Henry’s thigh. It’s low enough to be innocent, but that man is nothing but tantalising, and the heat of his touch does nothing to calm down the erratic beating of his heart. Henry stops typing. 

He can see a grin spreading on Alex’s face in his periphery, and before Henry can do anything, Alex slowly slinks his hands upwards, his fingers bruising the inseams of Henry’s trousers. He squeezes Henry’s thigh as he leans in to rest their shoulders together, his grip tightening. Henry can feel Alex’s measured breaths from where they’re pressed up together, and he doesn’t dare move. Slowly, gently, Alex brushes his fingers over Henry’s crotch, and Henry feels the weight of Alex’s gaze on the side of his head as his breaths falter. 

“What are you doing, Alex?”

“Getting your attention, Henry.”

Henry. The sound of his name in Alex’s voice sends a jolt down his spine, and he has to bite back a mewl.

“Well,” Henry says after a brief pause. “You certainly have it.”

“Enough to get you out of here?”

Henry scoffs, looking back at his screen, making a show of starting to type again. 

“What?” Alex murmurs, a light layer of offence coating his voice. “You’re telling me fucking Chaucer is more important than me?”

“Darling,” Henry starts, huffing out a laugh as Alex sputters at the pet name, his cheeks glowing pink. “Chaucer will always be more important than you.”

Alex doesn’t back down. Henry hadn’t expected him to. Instead, he cups Henry through his trousers, his thumb brushing the bulge as he presses down. Henry’s hips twitch in his seat, and then it’s Alex’s turn to laugh lightly.

“You were saying?” He asks, giving Henry’s cock a quick squeeze.

“I can’t stand you,” Henry mutters as he licks his lips. 

Alex doesn’t stop smiling. He leans in, his lips caressing the shell of Henry’s ear. “Baby, imagine how good it’d feel. I drag you out of here, and into the bathroom. They’re so near. I’ll get down on my knees for you, suck you off until you are a crying mess. You could come in my mouth. Watch me as I try to swallow all of you down. Imagine kissing me, the taste of you lingering on my tongue. You can have everything you desire, baby. All you gotta do is leave this fucking room.”

Henry is sure this is how his existence comes to an end.

Then, “We need to get out of here. Right now.” 

“Coming from you?” Alex beams. “This is basically a love confession, baby.”

Honestly? It might as well be. He doesn’t skip his Introduction to Chaucer class for just anyone.

“God,” Alex groans against Henry’s lips, their noses brushing. “I’d forgotten how good we are at that.”

It’s a throwaway comment. It doesn’t even mean anything. Still, Henry is programmed to analyse everything Alex says, so he takes it to heart. Of course, Alex had forgotten about it. Henry is nothing but another person in Alex’s rotation of people he sleeps with; he was not even notable enough to be a memory.

The thought hurts more than it has the right to.

Well, he’ll just have to try harder to ensure Alex never forgets him. He’s succeeded, he thinks, when he remembers how Alex had gone out of his way to come looking for him. 

Henry has surely made himself memorable, there’s no doubt about that. He’d like to keep it that way. So, when Alex asks if he can fuck Henry after blowing him in that very public bathroom they’re in, he says yes.

This? This is what he’s good at, anyway.

If nothing, Alex is going to remember what Henry tastes like for days to come. That’s enough for now. 

It has to be.

Henry tries not to let it get to him, how he seeks Alex out when he knows they’re sharing the same space. Every time he steps on the campus, he can’t help but scan the quad to see if Alex is around. If he’s grabbing a quick drink at the campus cafe, he’ll have a quick sweep of the room to check if he has cozied up in a booth with his friends. He’s helpless, really. He can’t help but look for the boy he’s desperately in love with, no matter how much it hurts.

This thing between them, it’s happened twice so far. Henry wonders if the third time will be the charm— if Alex will ask him if they can make this thing between them a Thing.

He’s at a party, alone, leaning against the fridge as he’s wondering if he should approach Alex, or let him come to Henry when Alex enters the kitchen. He makes a beeline towards Henry, and he has the strangest sense of deja-vu.

He doesn't move, doesn’t dare make a sound, but Alex makes that decision for him anyway, as he makes his way to Henry, a drunken smile on his face. He swipes the bottle of beer out of Henry’s hand to place it on the counter, his other arm curling around Henry’s waist. He’s a solid weight against Henry, and that helps Henry ground himself too. He’s halfway drunk himself.

“Henry,” Alex murmurs, nudging their noses together.

Henry grins that grin of his that shows off his gums, and watches how Alex’s eyes instantly dip down to take his smile in. It makes something in his chest flutter, and the drunken part of him can’t resist the urge to wrap his arms around Alex’s shoulders to kiss him.

It’s sloppy, wetter than he’d like, but the way their mouths move together frantically has his head buzzing pleasantly, and he moans, low in his throat, his hand curling around the back of Alex’s neck to pull him closer.

Alex’s hands are feverish as they claw at Henry’s back, the cut of his teeth harsh. Henry has never felt this frenetic while kissing someone, and he doesn’t know why he’s surprised. Alex doesn’t do anything halfway, and why should him unearthing Henry’s world be any different? He stops thinking when Alex slips his hands below Henry’s t-shirt, his nails digging into Henry’s skin.

“Fuck, baby,” Alex groans. “Your mouth is unreal. I have half a mind to push you to your knees here, letting you take me.”

Henry whines, the sound swallowed by Alex’s mouth on his. Alex doesn’t stop kissing him long enough for him to say anything, so after the third try, Henry gives up, letting Alex kiss him into silence. He has half a mind to say fuck it, and kneel for Alex right there; he wants to be his for the taking, for anyone to see.

As Henry tilts his head to kiss the underside of Alex’s jaw, Alex bunches up Henry’s shirt in his fist, tugging it upwards. Look, if Henry was less drunk, he would have stopped Alex, but he does nothing but press closer, letting Alex tug his t-shirt up higher. Sure, they’re in the kitchen, but getting to taste the whiskey off of Alex’s tongue is more important than anything in existence. Henry is kissing down a path to the jut of Alex’s collarbone when it happens—Alex pulls down Henry’s shirt to cover him up so harshly that he has to take a step back, blinking owlishly.

“What?” Henry asks, his voice rough. “Why’d you stop?”

Alex’s breath stutters.

“Liam came in,” Alex slurs, jutting out his chin towards his best friend.

Then, he leans in to whisper in Henry’s ear, “Can’t let anyone else see you like this when you’re mine for the night.”

Henry’s cock twitches in his pants at the hint of possessiveness that laces Alex’s voice. He lets Alex settle over him; lets him pin Henry against the fridge.

“Alex,” Liam laughs, and Henry looks over at him.

He’s gorgeous, Henry will give him that. The way his hair falls over his eyes makes Henry pause, and he can’t stop how his eyes drag over Liam’s body despite how Alex’s lips are pressed to the freckle on Henry’s cheek. Liam stares back, a smirk on his face. Liam tugs at his lip, and Henry’s jaw drops open at the blatant display of his interest.

“ Baby,” Alex murmurs, giving Henry’s jaw a quick nip. “Stop checking my best friend out. You’re mine.”

Henry huffs out a laugh, and that has Alex dipping his head to bite at Henry’s collarbones, swiping his tongue out to soothe the sting. When Henry doesn’t react, he redoubles his efforts until Henry chokes out a moan, eyes sliding shut.

“Yes,” Alex croons in victory as Henry’s head thuds back against the fridge. “Me, you pay attention to me.”

Liam could have dropped dead then and Henry wouldn’t have noticed. He is too busy getting lost in the pleasurepainpleasurepain that rises from the cut of Alex’s teeth, the idea of his kisses being tattooed on Henry.

“That’s good, baby,” Alex praises as Henry slides his hand in Alex’s hair to press their mouths together. “You’re doing so good for me.”

Henry hums, too lost in the taste of Alex’s mouth, the swipe of his tongue against Henry’s.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Alex says as Henry kisses Alex a little too hard, pulling away. “Baby, wait.”

Alex then pulls away to swipe the drop of blood off with a quick swipe of his thumb. There’s a dirty smirk rising over his face, and in that moment, Henry knows Alex is never going to forget him for as long as he lives.

“What?” Henry whines, lowering his voice to the level that has men dropping to their knees.

“My room. Please. Need to be inside you right now.”

“Thought you wanted me to kneel for you right here?” Henry asks, cupping the side of Alex’s face to press his thumb against his lower lip.

“Thought I did, too,” Alex agrees. His gaze darts to the door for a fleeting second. “I don’t anymore.”

Why? Henry wants to ask.

Wants to know if Alex finds the thought of anyone seeing Henry exposed for anyone to see makes him burn with discomfort, just like the thought of anyone seeing Alex lost in pleasure makes Henry want to claw his skin off.

“No?” Henry asks, leaning in to brush their noses together.

“Not a chance,” Alex agrees.

The answer pleases him so much so that he lets Alex drag Henry to his room on the second floor, not caring about how much of a terrible decision this is.

They bump into each other at another party six days later, and Alex reaches out to intertwine their fingers together, and wordlessly pulls him to his room. Henry goes willingly, ignoring the ache in his chest.

After the last time, he’d known this was a possibility, but he hadn’t dared to hope. He wasn’t oblivious; he knew they didn’t do this usually, but there was something unfathomable substantiating between them that was impossible to ignore.

He follows Alex, their fingers interlocked, and lets Alex fuck him into the mattress hard and fast, and once they’ve both come, Alex rolls out of bed after ruffling Henry’s hair affectionately.

Alex tells him that he’s perfect, and that they’re meant to fuck– he’s known that since he laid his eyes on Henry– but his voice is distracted, his eyes glued his phone. 

Henry sighs. This is what he’d been picturing the first time they’d fucked, really. The way Alex instantly detaches himself once it’s over is honestly what’s good for Henry’s heart, and no matter how shitty, Henry welcomes this. It helps Henry to see this thing for what it really is. They’re nothing, there’s nothing going on between them, no matter how inevitable they feel. Alex doesn’t owe him anything, so looking at how Alex flees out of his own bedroom helps Henry maintain his distance; his walls go back up. It’s a good thing, he reminds himself. 

He’s been drowning in the sea of possibilities a little too much. He has been setting himself up for heartbreak. Alex acting this way? He is doing Henry a favour, really.

So, once Alex slams the door shut behind him, Henry allows himself to bury his face in Alex’s pillow, just for a second. He breathes him in, allows himself to be surrounded by that virile scent, and then, he pulls his clothes on. He walks out of the room. Promises himself that he’ll not let his guard down, even though he knows he’s going to fold the second he sees Alex’s smile directed at him.

Once he’s out of that room, he forces himself to pretend that he doesn't care about Alex at all. It’s not like anybody is going to know, anyway.

Fuck it, if he’s going to drown in Alex, it’s going to be on his own terms, no matter how much he’s lying to himself.

When Henry comes to, he realises his back is pressed against Alex’s chest as they’re kneeling on someone’s bed in some part of the campus. He can hear the faint blare of music, and he belatedly realises he’s at a party as his mouth falls open at a particularly harsh thrust of Alex’s hips.

There’s a sheen of sweat covering his body, and his head feels like it’s so full of cotton that he has to rest it on Alex’s shoulder, his temple flush against Alex’s jaw. Alex has an arm wrapped around his hip, the other holding Henry against him in a chokehold. The thick muscle of Alex’s arm over his neck has Henry seeing stars, and he can’t help the litany of moans that spill out from his mouth when he realises that this isn’t their first round, not even close.

The sounds of Alex’s groans flood his ears as he holds Henry close, as he thrusts his hips up, up and up, and Henry can’t help closing his eyes.

“No,” Alex protests, tightening his grip. Henry chokes.

Then, the arm around his neck unwinds. Henry whines in distress, but Alex is quick to reassure him, to turn his head to press kisses against whatever part of Henry’s face he can reach. Without wasting a second, he cups Henry’s jaw, his fingers digging into the muscle harshly, the press of his thumb almost painful.

Alex wretches Henry’s face forward, his grip unyielding, his hair tickling the side of Henry’s face, and it’s just then Henry registers that there’s a mirror placed right in front of the bed.

Henry mewls.

“That’s right,” Alex says as their gazes meet in the mirror. “Look at, ah, how well, you’re- you’re, ah, taking me, baby.”

Henry’s cheeks are flushed, and there’s cum dripping down his torso. His skin is blooming red and purple from Alex’s mouth, and he looks absolutely wrecked. His eyes are teary, mouth kiss-bitten, and when Alex calls him a whore, he can’t dispute it—he looks it.

“Alex,” Henry cries, as a tear rolls down his cheek. “Alex! ”

“Yes,” Alex says, his voice rough. “Baby, fuck.”

His grip on Henry’s face is still uncompromising, forceful, and he doesn’t let Henry’s stare stray away, eyes dark as he keeps fucking Henry as he holds him in place.

“Made for me, weren’t, ah, weren’t you, sweetheart?”

“Yes, yes, yes, uh, fuck, yes, Alex! For you,” Henry babbles, his hand flying up to grip at Alex’s arm that’s still clutching Henry’s jaw.

Alex tightens his grip as Henry arches back, shifting his hips slightly to get his cock right where Henry wants it. He swears he blacks out as Alex’s cock hits that perfect spot inside him, Henry can’t help how his eyes fall shut as he shudders.

Whines as Alex shifts his cock away, his smug grin pressed to Henry’s skin.

“C’mon, baby. Look, ah, look at us. How you look like, ah, shit, my whore. Look.”

He’s rewarded by the tight squeeze of Alex’s fingers around his neck, squeezing until Henry is back there, dangling over that line between too much and not enough, as he opens his eyes to look at Alex.

“Make me come!” Henry demands. “Please, love, please. I need, uh, I need to come.”

“Anything you want,” Alex promises, and then he pushes Henry down with a hand between his shoulder blades, the pressure firm enough that Henry loses his balance.

“You can come,” Alex says, fastening his pace. “As long as you keep looking at us.”

And, well, Henry has always been good at giving Alex what he wants, so he doesn’t let his eyes fall shut, no matter how overwhelming the pleasure coursing through his fucking veins feels. He somehow keeps his eyes from fluttering shut as he shakes, and urges Alex to keep going, to keep fucking him, the rhythm of his hips rough, and Henry takes it, takes it, takes it.

When Henry comes, it’s with Alex’s name falling from his lips like he’s praying to God himself, his name a constant litany of chants.

Somehow, it has become a thing. Alex fucks Henry.

Alex finds Henry in the library two days later, drags him to his frat house, and fucks him again.

And again.

And again.

Henry has a certain reputation. It’s not a particularly good one. He’s a freak, that’s all it comes down to, really. 

He’s a slut, and there’s a reason why people call him that. His popularity had boosted when the word had first gotten out– he was alright with anyone wanting to just… use him for their pleasure, not caring about how they treated him. Once he’d started, it was hard to stop. There was just something about random people pulling him out of class to fuck him, to satisfy themselves. There were times when they’d leave him there, covered in their come, not even bothering to get him off. Henry never comes as quick as he does while wanking off at those times.

It doesn’t happen as often anymore as it used to. Months ago, there was a time when people would literally take turns trying to fuck him. Now, someone will come up to him once every couple of weeks, raise an eyebrow at him, or drag him away by his hand. He feels giddy with excitement every damn time.

He’s in the library the next time it happens. Someone from his Introduction to Chaucer class– Dylan, he thinks– comes up to his table, catching his attention by giving it a couple of raps. When Henry looks up, Dylan is standing there, his eyebrow raised. Then, he turns around as he nods towards the private room, asking Henry to follow him.

Henry follows.

Look, he loves the thrill of this, anyway. But. Alex has been sitting a few tables over since the last couple of hours, and they keep looking at each other, goading the other to make the first move. Since that hasn’t happened yet, Henry winks at him as he strides after the man that has caught his fancy. 

He can feel Alex’s eyes glaring holes in his back the whole way.

It doesn’t end there. When they reach the room, still in Alex’s sight, Dylan pushes Henry inside, shoving him to his knees before the door fully closes. Henry thinks Alex’s stare has been engraved behind his eyelids for weeks to come.

Henry doesn’t know what he was expecting, but it was not seeing Alex’s face as soon as he steps out of the room. He’s wiping his cheek consciously, desperately wishing he had a mirror to check what his face looked like, when his eyes meet Alex’s.

Alex looks angry, furious, but he doesn’t do anything, doesn’t say anything. Henry thinks he knows that he doesn’t have the right to. No, he simply looks at Henry with those beautiful eyes, the rage swirling in them, until the swooping sensation in Henry’s stomach gets so intense that he has to look away.

When he looks back at the table, heart in his throat, Alex is gone.

He’s heard people talking about how they’ve overheard Alex talking about the fact that the only reason he likes sleeping around is because he’s good at sex, really. He’s hot, he’s charismatic as hell, so why shouldn’t he use that to his advantage? Henry understands.

It’s weird that Henry is glad that Alex’s behaviour is not a direct result of some– some trauma, like Henry’s was. He’s glad Alex’s doing things out of his free will, just because he wants to. There’s no other reason. He loves fucking people, so he does. That’s about it. 

It’s just. It’s just that things are weird with Alex sometimes.

Henry doesn’t know what’s going on between them, really– they’ve fucked around a bunch of times, but that’s not it. There are times where they’ll play with each other, provoke, try to make the other jealous without admitting that that’s what they’re doing.

None of them have the right to be. Henry is not entitled to Alex, he has no authority to feel that jolt of jealousy when he sees Alex flirting with someone. Alex does not have the permission to do that either. Still, it doesn’t stop them.

The thing is, there’s a sick part of Henry that relishes in the way Alex’s face darkens, the way his jaw clenches. He feels owned. So, no matter how unhealthy, he tries flirting with people when he knows Alex can see. Sometimes, he pretends when he knows Alex can hear. And, well, Alex does the same. 

He’s caught Alex telling Nora, his best friend, that he’s going to pick up a girl from the bar later that night when he knows Henry is around to hear, but Henry’s caught him on the lacrosse field, running laps until his t-shirt is clinging to his skin with sweat. Then, there are other times when Henry has pretended he can’t fuck Alex because he already has plans, but he’s locked himself in his apartment to eat Jaffa Cakes while watching Bake Off because he just cannot deal with people that day.

It’s somewhat of a game, but they don’t admit it. They don’t acknowledge that there’s something simmering here, something that’s going to change them forever. 

So, they pretend. 

Twenty-four hours after Dylan leaves him in the library with his cum dripping down Henry’s face, Alex tries making his move on Henry.

It’s too bad Henry is already planning on making his, just on somebody else.

There’s a gorgeous man leaning against the wall near the Linguistics building, and they’ve been making eyes at each other, and Henry is pretty sure they’ve grabbed coffee once weeks ago when they were paired for an assignment. He’s just about to go talk to him when he feels it. Alex’s arm around his shoulder.

“Are you going to fuck him?” Alex asks without any greeting, leaning in, his eyes flicking to Henry’s lips for a quick second.

Henry might revel in the jealousy lacing Alex’s voice, but he doesn’t dare show it. Instead, he uses that to fuel Alex, to get a bloody reaction from him. He’s going to get a good fucking out of it, be it by Alex or… Spencer, he thinks. That might just be that man’s name.

“Who is to say that I haven’t already?” Henry retorts, an eyebrow raising.

“Oh,” Alex says, mouth set in a firm line. He’s unbearably close, and Henry wants to eliminate the space between them but he wants to see how this plays out more.

“Why?” Henry asks. “Is that a problem for you?”

“No!” Alex exclaims, but Henry notices how his grip tightens around Henry’s shoulder. “No, do you.”

Henry searches his eyes, eyebrow raised, and Alex starts rambling, “No, do you. Do him. Do both!”

“Do things!” Henry agrees, a slight smirk on his face. 

Alex is right where Henry wants him, and he’s going to exploit the hell out of Alex’s jealousy for weeks– months – to come.

“Yeah,” Alex nods, his eyelashes fluttering as he blinks rapidly. “Yeah, things! People. Do them!”

“Great!” Henry says. “I think I might.”

“Good,” Alex mutters, but there’s something lurking under that feigned nonchalance that Henry can’t pick up on. He might have an idea. He hopes he’s right about it. “Jump in!”

They stare at each other for a beat, daring the other to speak. There’s a tension growing between them, stretched taut, Alex’s mouth set in a frown, his in a straight line. 

Henry titters, not letting Alex’s strangeness get to him. Hope is a dangerous thing for people like him.

“So…” Henry starts, watching how quickly Alex’s eyes dart to his. “We should probably establish some boundaries about this whole… friends-with-benefits thing.”

Henry watches how Spencer’s still staring at him, but that is just a sacrifice he’ll have to make, he thinks mournfully. For his sake. He thinks he might actually die if Alex keeps acting like a jealous boyfriend, especially since he has no right to be behaving that way. He hates that he likes it so much.

“Got much experience with that, sweetheart?” Alex asks, pulling him closer, his hand gripping the curve of Henry’s shoulder. 

“If you must know, yes. Yes, I do,” Henry says, enthralled by how that pinch at the corner of Alex’s mouth goes taut at the words.

“Okay, no, yeah,” Alex says, nostrils flaring. “Let’s do that. Let’s, uh… Let’s put up some boundaries– that sounds really good. Are we going to do that after you screw Spencer, or would you like to do it now?”

Henry narrows his eyes at him, resisting the urge to scowl. So, Alex can fuck whoever he wants and Henry is just supposed to take it, and when Henry wants to do the same, Alex sounds like he has a problem? Well, sod that. 

“Now sounds good,” Henry says shortly. 

“Whatever. Let’s throw some boundaries up,” Alex nods, but Henry hears the irritation that hides in the undertone. 

“Yeah,” Henry agrees instead of bashing his head against the wall like he wants to do. “Okay.”

Never let it be said that he never made smart decisions. 

“Go on, then,” Alex says. “You go first since you’ve had experience and all.”

Well, it was once years ago before he started the string of hook ups, but Alex doesn’t need to know that. Let him think whatever he wants; Henry could care less.

“No staying over,” Henry says without missing a beat. 

If he ever wakes up next to Alex, it will end Henry’s world. If he ever watches him sleep, his curls unruly, it would actually destroy Henry, and he doesn’t hate himself that much. He can never wake up next to Alex, can never watch how his eyelashes flutter open as he rises from his slumber. Henry can picture it now– the soft smile on his face as he stirs, the dimple in his cheek catching Henry’s attention. He knows he’s going to fixate on it, how he’ll want to dig his thumb into that very dimple. 

Just once, he’d told himself before this had started. He knew it had been a goddamn lie, even back then. That first time had almost wrecked him, and he absolutely cannot let this be more than instant fucking gratification, no pun intended.

Hard, fast, and quick, he reminds himself.

“That’s fair,” Alex nods, the tenseness from his body finally melting away. “I think, hmm, no coming over unannounced?”

“As if I’d ever want a glimpse of whoever’s arse you’re sleeping with,” Henry says, nose wrinkled in disgust.

“Aw, sweetheart,” Alex coos. “What about a glimpse of my arse? Wouldn’t it be worth it?”

“Why go through all that effort,” Henry taunts, “When I can text you and have you naked for me in fifteen minutes flat?”

“You’re awfully smug,” Alex says, his face amused. His eyes dip to Henry’s crotch for a quick second before a shameless grin takes over his face. “I guess you do have a reason to be, huh?”

“You are a menace,” Henry grits, heat rushing to his cheeks.

“Yeah,” Alex whispers, gaze fixed on Henry’s face that’s burning with embarrassment. “Talk dirty to me, babe.”

“Reprobate,” Henry snaps. “Now, can we go back to setting the ground rules?”

“If you say no kissing, I will break up with you,” Alex threatens.

Henry wishes he wouldn’t throw around those words so casually. 

“Please,” Henry scoffs. “I love snogging. I’d never say that.”

“Another thing we have in common!” Alex cheers. “You and I are going to get along just fine, Foxy.”

“Don’t call me that,” Henry growls, pushing at Alex’s shoulder in protest. 

Alex laughs. 

“Okay, Foxy.” 

Henry shakes his head, sighing loudly. “I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”

“You have no idea,” Alex says.

No, Henry thinks. You have no idea.

Alex finally makes use of his number. 

It’s one in the morning when the text comes in, and Henry knows it’s Alex the second the notification pops up on his screen, but he pretends, just because he can. Give Alex a taste of his own medicine. It’s fun, he’ll admit. What they’ve going on, it’s somewhat of a competition. They try to one up each other, throwing in a couple of lies.

Alex had told him he was going to see some girl three nights ago, but Henry had seen him at the diner, working on his essay with a milkshake by his laptop. Henry had told him he was meeting some guy for drinks two afternoons ago, but he’d been holed up in his apartment he shared with Pez, both of them getting drunk off of cheap wine as they caught up on Love Island. They’re in the middle of play offs, really, and Henry enjoys it more than he cares to admit. 

So, when Alex’s text comes in, it fills Henry with giddy excitement because he knows he can be a bellend about it all.

+44 7022080998

just realised 

we never finished setting up ur rules

?

oh c’mon foxy

just how many fwb situations do u have going on rn

its alex

claremont-diaz in case u’ve forgotten 

Stop calling me Foxy or lose my number.

How did you get it, anyway?

u never answered my question but ok

wasn’t that hard tbh

i know people. don’t worry ur pretty head about it

ground rules sweetheart

since u wanted them so bad

They’re a necessity if we’re going to be doing this, Alex.

ur so fancy

necessity 

when we’re talking ab FUCKING 

Figures you’d call the most basic words fancy.

have i ever told u i love it when ur mean to me

it's really doing it for me

so like…. keep doing it i guess….

You have issues.

yeah just like that baby

I don’t know why I put up with you.

i do. an ass that just won’t quit 

It IS an amazing arse, I’ll admit.

arse. 

ur so british

NOW. rules?? or do u want to keep talking about my ARSE??

Well. Now that you mention it….

HENRY

BABY

stop or i’ll HAVE to come over 

and trust me i have zero orgasms left in me today

u wouldn’t BELIEVE how good the head i got today was 

that man really knew what he was doing

no one sucks my dick as good as u do tho baby i must say 

Must you be this crude?

must u be this sexy

This isn’t cute.

i wasn’t trying to be

If you say so, Alex. 

Now, for our ground rules– we’ve already decided not to stay over, and not to show up unannounced. I also propose that we don’t get too much into our personal lives. 

Don’t mix our friend groups, things like that. I know my best friend is mates with your sister, but I do not want to make this complicated. I hope you understand.

sounds fair fox

did ur other fwb get the same treatment or am i special

Alex, love. Do me a favour and read what I just sent you literally ONE text message ago.

ugh

BORING

i change my mind gimme the insider’s scoop x

We need some boundaries, Alex. This is supposed to be casual. 

It won’t be if we become the best of friends, you know. 

pls as if id ever fuck my best friend im not a slut

as for you baby…

Are you calling me a slut?

don’t act like it doesn’t turn u on u whore 

What do you Americans say?

I plead the fifth.

lmao idc what u say, i have u all figured out anyway

but honestly. i don’t really have anything to add

fuck it we ball u know

figure shit out as we go

i only have ONE non-negotiable rule tho

we’re still gonna be fucking other people on the side right

bc i can’t do this if not

Yes, Alex. We are.

sweet

…so. just curious

did we finish setting these up after u fucked spencer or what 

Henry doesn’t bother answering him.

Henry has had dreams about this. 

He’s had dreams about Alex, about him showing up at his doorstep at two in the morning because he’s so desperate to have Henry in every way possible. He’s had dreams about Alex blowing his phone up because he’s so on edge, too restless to get his mouth on Henry’s. Now that it is actually happening, Henry doesn’t know how to deal with it. He stares at his screen, watching the barrage of  texts roll in.

Alex Claremont-Diaz

baby

baby

baby baby baby

baby

BABY

foxy

sweetheart

darling

….dove?? i’m p sure pez calls u that 

so not dove then

does anyone else call u baby

i’ll break up with u if they do tell them to stop immediately

i’ll send them a cease and desist letter i can do it baby i know the law

alex’s privileges only– we should prob add that to our rules

my baby

WAKE UP

DID YOU FALL ASLEEP

BABY

I’M HERE

ok calling u

damn. can’t even knock ur door down

u gave me the apartment complex name but not the flat no??? freak

what is it

Always a pleasure, Alex.

505.

Come up.

i’ll break the sound barrier for u 

More like my heart, Henry thinks. 

Once it starts, it doesn’t stop.

With every passing second, Alex is breaking their rules, he’s throwing them away, and Henry makes a single valiant effort to get him to stop.

He doesn’t know why he’s surprised, really. He should have known Alex would be like this ever since he first talked to him. Henry has watched him talk about things that did not interest him long before they had started talking, and having those thoughts redirected at him has been the worst thing that has ever happened to him. And. And it has been the best thing that’s happened to him.

Alex Claremont-Diaz

henry

i’m in class

i’m so bored

there’s a rlly cute girl here 

her hair is the same shade as urs it’s freaky

i’m looking at it and i can’t stop thinking of u

and how i grip ur hair when u suck my cock

why am i hard in class

one thought of ur face and all my blood rushes south

baby where are u

come back to me i need attention

Alex.

what

Stop texting me when you’re in class.

but ur so pretty baby

esp with ur lips wrapped around my dick

god i wanna feel ur mouth on me rn

ur insane henry ur mouth is insane i hate the fact that other people actually get to see u like that

is that insane

Yes. Stop saying things like that.

sorry 

was i out of line

You know damn well that you were, you little shit.

u gonna punish me for it sweetheart?

No, because that’s exactly what you want.

busted

Then, fifteen minutes later:

june came over yesterday

she brought pez with her and i kept thinking about where u were

who u were with

and then june ‘sneakily’ started talking ab how assholes politically manipulate shit to gain advantage and that set me OFF 

fucking gerrymandering baby i stg

i should've seen what she was doing

trying to get my mind off u

now sit ur ass down bc i’m going to explain this shit to u bc its all ur fault anyway 

Stop. 

I’m blocking you.

u wouldn’t dare  

Henry wouldn’t. He doesn’t bother telling Alex to stop after that.

Still, he doesn’t let Alex talk to him in person like that. He can hide behind a screen when Alex rambles through text, but after they’re done fucking, Henry runs away from Alex like he has the damn plague. And, well, Alex matches his energy. 

It goes on for months.

They don’t talk.

Alex fucks him into the mattress night after night, covering Henry’s skin with bruises from his mouth, chanting Henry’s name like he’s God himself. He pushes into Henry with such care that it makes him tear up every damn time, and once they’ve come, Alex rolls out of the bed as if it’s on fire, shoving his legs into his jeans hurriedly as he texts someone back.

The thought of Alex already texting the next person in line, already arranging when and where to meet up with them as Henry is still covered in his cum makes him sick to his stomach. Every time Alex starts pulling on his t-shirt, Henry flops onto his stomach, shifting away from the wet spot, shoving his face into his pillow so he doesn’t have to watch Alex’s smirk, doesn’t have to watch his fingers flying over his screen. 

Doesn’t have to watch him leave.

Alex always laughs at him, and Henry has to ignore the fondness in his voice as he teases him, so he doesn’t do anything drastic like beg Alex to stay. That’s not a thing they do. Probably never will be. Henry knows, he can’t have Alex like that. Alex might like sleeping with him, but he’ll never like Henry like that.

Henry knows this is not good for him. He’s setting himself up for heartbreak. God, he’s already halfway there. 

Alex has always been inevitable though.

He wants Alex— needs him— more than the air he breathes. It’s a little horrifying, the way he’s going about it all, but he has never felt as loved as he does when they’re naked, Alex’s insistent tongue begging for entry so that he can lick into Henry’s mouth. There’s a desperation there that Henry has never experienced, does not know if he ever will again.

The thing is, even though this between them is casual, it is not.

Sure, they fuck around with other people, they fuck other people, but at the end of the day, it’s Henry’s bed Alex slides back into. It’s Henry he fucks, his voice crooning sweet nothings in his ears. It’s Henry’s hair he brushes off of his forehead, his hands careful. Soft. It’s Henry’s cheek his lips are pressed to; his fingers that trace the freckles on his skin.

They do not talk when they’re together, when they’ve both just come, too open, too vulnerable. Henry knows that if he dares to open his mouth, he’ll end up telling Alex how much he adores him, and that every day he wakes up and wishes that he was Henry’s. Henry’s to hold, Henry’s to touch, Henry’s to kiss.

He wishes he had the right to tell Alex to stay away from other people who want him, to never even look at them when he has Henry right here, willing to give him everything he needs. He can’t. He takes everything he can get, telling Alex how he’s Alex’s to fuck whenever he slides home, and then once they’re done, Henry leaves a piece of his heart behind in Alex’s bed.

Alex Claremont-Diaz

baby are u free?

rn?

or do u have anyone over

No, I’m not busy.

Why?

can i come over then

in a bit?

If you must.

woooow look at that enthusiasm

don’t sound too excited baby

Can’t wait to sit on your face!

Is that any better?

….i think i just died

yes that’s MUCH better

if i didn’t have to finish this damn essay i'd be running to u rn just so you know

…Essay?

OH MY GOD???

BABY THIS IS A MILESTONE IN OUT RELATIONSHIP

YOU NEVER ASK PERSONAL QUESTIONS

I KNOW I DO IT ALL THE TIME BUT ARE YOU (!!!) BREAKING OUR RULES

Never fucking mind.

NO

NO

BABY NO IM SORRY

COME BACK

COME BACK

HELLO???

HENRY

I’LL BEHAVE I PROMISE

I EVEN MEAN IT THIS TIME

sweetheart. c'mon. don’t be like that

okay let’s do a do over

go on baby

….

Alright.

What essay?

it’s on fucking TORTS out of all the things in the world

it’s beating my ass baby

but i'm being so strong about it

can i get a kiss

for motivation

pls xx

Why are you like this?

that's not a kiss????

why do u hate me???

why do u want me dead????

don’t i fuck you well????????

this is a hate crime

ur cancelled fox.

God,  you’re SUCH a menace.

Fine. Damn.

Sending you kisses x

Hurry up, so you can come over.

I will be waiting.

Maybe wear those shorts you like so much?

UR SO CUTE

SO. CUTE.

MUAH

How’s the essay going?

better now that u sent me kisses

reminded me what i'm missing out on

can i have more

No.

please

No.

please

No.

please

please

please

please

please

please

please

please

please

please

please

please

please

please

please

please

Stop blowing up my phone.

Get them in person or not at all.

stop pretending

u know i’m cute

c’mon baby

one more?

….No.

YOU HATE ME

You’ll thank me when you zoom through your essay, love.

ugh

i know

why do u have to be so hot and responsible and so hot and so sensible 

one of these days i'll get u to kiss me so much that it’ll be a part of my skincare routine baby

You’re never staying over.

Remember the rules?

THAT YOU BROKE

WAIT

fuck no you’ll ghost me again

ok do over again

never say never baby

maybe one of these days i’ll fall asleep… accidentally…

so tired from fucking u

u always make me do the work anyway

Fine. Understood. I’ll stop riding you.

baby

i didn’t mean that

u know i love whatever u do to me

ur actually the best

top one easy

not even top three

THE FIRST

You’re going to make me get a big head.

oh ur gonna get a big head trust

if u know what i mean…

As bad as that was, you’ll have to come over for that.

Which means you’ll have to finish your essay.

but i can’t stop thinking about ur ass

You’ll get to get your hands on it if you finish your damn essay.

Your tongue, too. Possibly.

hey quick question

are u clinically INSANE

I’m just trying to motivate you, love.

well consider me motivated!

see u soon xxxxxx

and then u can sit on my face :D

I shall be waiting with baited breath x

xxxxx

Then, a couple of days later:

Alex Claremont-Diaz

so like

what are u doing over the weekend

I was thinking of getting some drinks with a couple of my mates. Why?

okay valid

but picture this:

you. me. ur bed.

or mine. i’m not too fussy

…I’m listening.

the whole weekend

we don’t leave it until we absolutely HAVE to

only for food and refreshments

i absolutely RAIL u into the mattress

u eat my ass

we can bring out the mirror again

it was so intense the last time

made me want to do UNSPEAKABLE things to u

not that i don’t want to usually

but god that was the hottest thing ever

also like

i've never done that w anyone else

and there’s nobody else i trust more than you

please??

please please please

I’ll see what I can do.

ur my favorite

Your favourite what?

nothing. just.

my favorite everything.

Alright, sod it.

You. Me. My bed.

This weekend.

u know what they say baby

i'm going back to 505

if it's a seven hour flight or a forty-five minute drive

And in your imagination?

in my imagination ur waiting lying on ur side

with ur hands between ur thighs

Trust me, you’ll find me like that.

oh???? say more?????

Why don’t you come over and find out?

what day is it???

friday??

can I come over

we can get an early start

i can start by absolutely DESTROYING u

i’ll do ANYTHING

Well.

Come to 505, love.

WE ALL CHEERED

Alex Claremont-Diaz 

do u ever think about

what would’ve happened if i never came up to u at that party

Sometimes.

would u have ever come up to me

I don’t know.

did u know who i was before

You’re the lacrosse captain. The fraternity president. Take a wild guess, love.

fraternity.

nobody says that u nerd

It’s proper!

i clearly need to fuck the proper out of u

Behave.

no

never

soooo… u knew me

did u ever want to come up to me

did you think i was hot be honest

c’mon tell me everything foxy

I saw you at a party three years ago.

Knew who you were then.

I did have thoughts of coming up to you, yes.

then why didn’t you.

I thought you were straight.

ME????

STRAIGHT????

i think i just threw up a little hen

look i know i come across as the whole

straight dude bro 

but NEVER say that to me again

damn this should be illegal

but jsyk i'm bi

Thank you for telling me, love. I’m gay, but I think you already knew that. 

And what on God’s green Earth does ‘jsyk’ mean?

i did. googled maypoles too after u told me that u were as gay as a maypole u weirdo

ur SO gay

baby. we really got to work on ur slang

it means

just so you know

That’s ten whole seconds I will never get back :(

:(

i need to squeeze u right NOW

ur so endearing

but anyway

stop distracting me

is that the only reason

Why else?

i dunno i am hot and all

but i can be too much sometimes

I’ve never once thought that, Alex.

I think you’re just the right amount.

oh

well

thank u henry

ur so lovely

can u get in my pocket now

pleek

…Is that supposed to be slang for ‘please’?

aw baby ur catching on

stay w me and u’ll learn all the lingo in two weeks flat

That’s an awfully long time to learn basic slang.

sweetheart

bold of u to assume we’re gonna have the time

we’ll be too busy fucking

u know ur irresistible c’mon now

I’d be amenable to that.

fucking for two weeks straight?? me too

and lingo classes w alex (!!) every day for the next two weeks

so like. jot that down

i’m being so srs rn

ur mine for the next two weeks fox

speak now or forever hold ur peace

…

That’s me not speaking, btw.

i could KISS u

Hurry up.

hurrying up!!!

see u soon angel

And then, a few weeks later:

ACD

don’t think i didn’t notice that u changed my name in ur phone

u likeeeeee me fox

ur warming up to me

u might act like u hate me yapping but u actually love it don’t u

that’s so embarrassing for you

but so cute

ur adorable

get in my pocket rn

I will be doing nothing of the sort.

And I do NOT like you yapping.

….yeah it’s physically impossible for u to run faster than u do after we fuck

What is that supposed to mean?

nothing henry

now can i yap here or are u going to leave me on delivered again

That depends.

ok???? don't leave me in suspense????

depends on????

Depends on what you’re going to be ‘yapping’ about.

can i yap about how good u are at eating ass

bc i’ve been thinking about it all day

i was eating this girl out earlier and all i could think about was the noises you make when i eat u out

had to take a moment to recalibrate

fuck

ur ruining me

now im hard thinking about you

baby. please tell me ur free

come over come over come over

I can’t, I’m afraid.

I’m grabbing coffee with Pez.

come to me

u live with him anyway

u see him everyday

please i miss u

Sorry, love.

It’s Pez. I can’t.

can't or don’t want to?

Both things can be true.

when will it be my turn

u cancel on me to hang out w other guys

don’t think i didn’t see u with that man yesterday when u told me u were busy

Well. I was busy.

with him

With him.

how was that

Alex.

what

No. We’re not doing this.

i'm just curious

remember when i told u that u were my #1

rank me

What.

go on, rank me.

I am absolutely not doing that.

why not????

I don’t want to?

is it bc i'm not ur #1

Alex, I will not be dignifying that with a response.

oh fuck

it’s true

i'm not #1 am i

what the hell

who is he

are u still fucking him

tell me everything

pls

pls

Alex. Stop asking.

i can’t

please.

baby.

Won’t work, love. Give up.

fucking hell

alright

ur killing me foxy

Do NOT call me that.

my baby

?

if u tell me to stop calling you that i WILL riot

like. it’s a non-negotiable baby

I fear I like it too much to tell you to stop it.

now that’s what i like to hear.

baby.

baby.

Yes?

nothing i just wanted u call u that

it either has u blushing like virgin mary or u moan like a bitch in heat

no in between

it’s always a nice surprise

can’t wait to come over baby

make you cry for me

until the only name u remember is mine.

I think I should go.

what does pez want u all for himself already

kinda selfish don’t u think

Back off. He’s my best mate.

just ur best mate?

That’s enough.

sorry baby

i just miss u

i haven’t seen u in so long

i’m having withdrawals 

It’s been five days.

five days too long

i feel like i’m forgetting what u sound like

when can we meet

can i come over after ur done handing out w pez

It’s a sleepover, love.

oh

omg how exciting

well as much as i miss u

i hope you have fun baby

Thank you, Alex.

Talk soon?

i’ll wait x

Alex waits.

He waits for Henry to come to him.

Henry doesn’t go to him, not immediately. He hangs out with a couple of guys before going to Alex because he loves the zing of excitement that runs up his spine when he realises how Alex is following every move Henry makes.

He feels wanted, needed, so he makes sure to laugh at some jokes a little too loud, touches men more than he has to. Henry thinks it’s a perfect revenge, actually.

Alex hasn’t toned down flirting with other people around Henry, and Henry makes sure to do the same, just as intensely. This thing they have going on, Henry loves the thrill of it more than he ever thought he would. Like, sure, he’s breaking his own heart, but fuck if he isn’t having fun with this.

There are days when everything feels impossible, where even thinking about Alex hurts. Then, there are days where he can’t wait to see Alex, can’t wait to see that smile that adorns his face when he shows up at Henry’s apartment. He jumps Henry as soon as the door swings open, just like he hasn’t stopped thinking about him, too. Those days, they end up with their smiles pressed against each other, grinning too large to even properly kiss.

Henry doesn’t think he’s been so in love.

He thinks back to the time he thought he’d ever be able to move on from Alex, about how he’d leave him behind once they graduate. Now, six months into their arrangement, that doesn’t seem remotely possible. Henry is absolutely gone on him, and the likelihood of him moving on from the supernova that Alex Claremont-Diaz is, is infinitesimal.

Let him ruin me, is what he’d thought before Alex had touched him for that first time at that party.

Now, here he stands, ruined—ruined for anyone else who isn’t Alex. God, he is never going to recover from this in his life, ever. There’s no man who’s going to compare to Alex, and that’s a curse in itself.

No matter how many men he ends up under, it’s Alex’s face that blinks up at him when he’s trying to sleep at three in the morning, trying to synchronise his breathing with the whooshing of the fan because the thought of never being able to move on from Alex is devastating. It’s his voice Henry hears in his dreams—there’s no escape from that man, even when he isn’t conscious.

A part of him is convinced he’s dreamt Alex up because he doesn’t understand how can that man be such a perfect fit for Henry. Them, together, they just make sense. Henry has never wanted anyone more.

He knows this is going to end him.

Quick, and rough, and fast, he reminds himself.

It’s no use though. Nothing about Alex is quick, and rough, and fast, but he’s soft, and intimate, and intense. There’s no escaping this, really.

Let him ruin me, Henry remembers thinking.

He thinks: Henry’s already ruined, no matter how much he tries denying it.

Chapter Text

Seven months into their… arrangement, things change.

Things have been changing for a while, but suddenly, there are bits and pieces of information that slip through the cracks– a fact about Alex’s life here, the truth about Henry’s life spilling from his lips with little prompting there.

When Alex had first started prodding Henry about his life, he had resisted. He’d been tight-lipped just so he could keep Alex at an arm’s length, but the frown on Alex’s face had Henry’s skin itching with discomfort, so he had tried to give himself away, bit by bit. Pez always said there was too much of him. Giving Alex a bit of him shouldn’t have hurt. 

It did anyway. 

Alex always looked so invested in whatever Henry had to say, drinking in every word. He asked questions at appropriate times, nodding along. Being the centre of Alex’s attention was addicting, so it was not difficult to start talking about himself. He felt compelled to. 

The rules they’d come up with, they’d barely stuck to. Henry had tried his hardest to keep his walls up, but Alex had taken a jackhammer to them, tearing them down with every laugh. Now, they’re breaking their rules constantly, not caring about the consequences. Well, Henry doesn’t. He is paying the price with his heart, but he can’t hold back, no matter how much he tries. He must admit, he doesn’t try particularly hard.

There’s something alluring about watching Alex smile as Henry talks about his life, especially before university. He’s fixated on the story of how he became best mates with Pez, and Henry can’t fault him—they’re an unlikely pair, Pez and him. They work, and the story always makes Alex grin.

With every passing day, Alex will linger a bit longer after he’s come, panting as he flops down in bed next to Henry. There’s always an inch of space that Henry desperately wants to close, but he never dares to. No, he closes his eyes to take in how rapidly Alex is breathing, how Henry had been the cause of that. He listens to Alex ramble about his day, about how weird it is that his sister is dating his best friend who is also his ex-girlfriend, along with whatever else had caught his fancy that week.

He’s intelligent, obscenely so, and it’s so attractive that Henry has to throw an arm over his eyes so that his besotted face doesn’t give anything away. He hides his smile in the crook of his elbow as Alex tells Henry about whatever he’s learnt in class that day, and it’s so domestic that Henry frequently debates jumping off of a very tall something so that he can put an end to this without actually uttering those words.

His boundaries, they’re nearly non-existent now. Alex asks and Henry gives in. If he’s feeling particularly brave, he doesn’t even put on the pretence of telling Alex that they don’t do this. Sometimes, he’ll pretend, anyway. There’s a thrill that goes through him when Alex begs Henry to talk about himself a little more. It’s as if Alex wants to put Henry together like a puzzle, building a picture of him one small piece at a time.

He’s never felt so flayed open for someone to examine, and even though it’s terrifying, jarringly so, Henry would not trade it for this world.

Alex

hey so

wyd tomorrow

d’you have any plans

I’m meeting with Bea. Why?

i didn’t know she was going to be in town

tell her i said hi

I will be doing nothing of the sort.

How do you know her anyway?

u don’t talk about her

but pez does

bc HE’S a real one

I do talk about her.

not with me

never with me

I didn’t think you would want me to.

i want everything with u henry

i think i’d made that quite clear

i’m always interested in listening to u talk

We don’t do this.

rules are meant to be broken baby

tell me about ur sister

I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Alex.

baby 

what else do u want me to say

do u want me to beg

bc i will

i’ve been telling u that i want to know everything about u 

no matter how much u brush me off

i’m just gonna keep asking 

and ur gonna keep giving in

like always 

so just save us the work and give in

u know u want toooooo

Fine.

Beatrice is my older sister. She’s in a band, and she’s currently touring through the country. Oxford is the next stop, so she’s coming over to visit.

a band??? so she’s the cooler fox sibling. noted 

i wouldn’t trade u for her tho

i wouldn’t trade u for anything

this is so addicting

pls go on. tell me more

Stop it.

I’ve always been close to her. She always had my back, even when Philip didn’t. Especially then.

i’m glad you had her then sweetheart

u deserve someone who takes care of u

is ur brother not very nice

Not when I was growing up, no. My grandmother was not either, so when my father passed away, she sank her clutches into him when he was at his most vulnerable. He got worse, which I did not think was possible. They hate the fact that I’m gay, and my grandmother was not very… kind. Philip has grown up and come around. Apologised. Not her.

do u want me to kill her

just say the word and i’ll do it

i got u baby

No, Alex. I do not want you to kill her.

I appreciate the offer, though.

u know where to find me if u change ur mind

I do. Thank you.

ur very welcome

but in all seriousness tho. i’m so proud of you baby. they sound like really shitty people but you got through it and you’re still here. you’re so fucking kind and you have such a big heart and you’re literally the kindest fucking human who has ever existed. it should be illegal y’know. you should be SO proud of yourself. god knows i am

so fucking proud sweetheart. you’re so brave. always SO brave.

Thank you, Alex. This means a lot to me. More than you’ll ever know.

muah 

X

Alex

tell me something

Something like?

dunno. something real

for example: nobody except my sister knows that i cry everytime a butterfly flies too close to me because i’m terrified of them.

Is it weird I find that incredibly endearing?

yes.

(no)

ur turn

That scar on my knee you were asking me about when we first started… this? I never told you, back then. I got it when I was three. Bea was riding her bike, but I hadn’t seen her in weeks so I… ran towards her, not caring that she was still riding. Got hit by the bike. Fell over. 

baby henry sounds so CUTE

gives me cuteness aggression 

The present me gives you cuteness aggression.

what can i say babe

it never stops 

Alright, your turn.

AW 

are you making this a Thing????

I guess I am.

Go on then.

have i ever told u

u have the BEST ideas

No, you haven’t.

henry. baby. you have the BEST ideas.

Thank you, love. So do you.

:D 

alright now prepare urself bc by the end of this u will be able to write a BOOK on me

Bring it on.

Alex

henry. baby 

i want you to be very truthful

and like. i will be okay if it hurts my feelings

but i need u to tell me the truth okay

if u think i’m too much

Where is this coming from, love?

i was talking to june

i know she loves me but she said a few things that got me thinking

she said i have a fire under my ass for no damn reason

and that i’m always running never letting things catch up

said i need to slow down. breathe. rest. 

and i know it came from a place of love. i do

but

just

i dunno. it got me thinking

I’m listening, darling.

What did it get you thinking about? 

it just got me thinking 

who would ever want to put up with me lmao

i’m nothing special

there are days where i forget to feed myself bc i’ve been studying too hard

i forget to drink WATER

i just get so into something that it’s all i talk about 

i don’t have friends, not really

i drive everyone away

i talk too much and i can be very intense 

and i dunno i think people just get tired of me

everyone leaves eventually

i mean fuck my own DAD left too

why would other people stick around if he couldn’t??

it was so shit hen

terrible

i know i’ve told u about him before but can u imagine being a CHILD and going to summer camp happy as hell bc it's finally summer and i’m gonna meet new people and i’m going to be playing games all summer and not caring about how loud i am

i come back home all excited

to tell my parents how i had such an amazing time

tell them all the stories from camp. tell them that i managed to make friends for ONCE in my life

just to find all of my dad’s stuff GONE

my own DAD??? GONE

it fucked me up so bad and now i’m so scared everyone will leave

Alright. First of all, take some deep breaths for me, darling. Yes?

breathing

Good. You’re doing so well, love.

Now. Thank you for trusting me with this, Alex. I know it couldn’t have been easy. Remember when you called me brave? Well, that’s you, too, darling. I can’t imagine how traumatising it would have been to come back home to find your father gone. It must have hurt so much. I don’t think anyone who would ever want to leave you is sane, love. Forgive me if I’m out of line, but I would never want to leave you, Alex. You’re so wonderful. I don’t know if anyone has told you this before– I’m sure they have– but your dad leaving was not your fault, I hope you know that. His decisions are not a reflection of you, especially since you were a child. He took those decisions himself, and I can’t speak for him, but he could have gone about it in a better way that didn’t hurt you as much as it did. But, love, trust me, that is NOT on you; it is on him. 

You’re perfect.

I don’t think you’re too much. As I’ve mentioned, I think you’re just the right amount. Everything that makes you, you is incredibly charming, and I would never want you to change for anyone. 

You call yourself intense? I think you’re passionate. I think it’s wonderful that you have so much fire in you to get yourself going. Not to be incredibly direct, but I feel so warm everytime I look at the way you do things– completely and fully immersed. Dedicated. You give everything your all, and if that’s supposed to be wrong, I never want to be right. When you get so into something that it’s all you talk about? That’s happening with us, darling. Let me tell you, it’s incredibly endearing. I think it’s lovely just how much HEART you put into things, Alex. You never half-arse anything, and I admire you so much for that. As for you forgetting to take care of yourself? I’m sure we can work on that. Nobody is perfect, darling. 

You say you’re nothing special? Don’t read too much into this– you’re the most special person I know. You light up the room when you walk in, and people notice you, Alex. People NOTICE. You don’t see it, but you’re so wonderful, Alex. Please never doubt yourself.

holy fucking shit. i don’t even know what to say hen

just

thank you baby

christ you’re so lovely

thank u thank u thank u

you always know what to say to me

you don’t understand how much i appreciate this

gonna take screenshots brb

(just so you know i’m clutching a tissue and crying but don’t tell henry i have an image to maintain)

Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.

:) 

Henry thinks telling Alex he’s been in love with him since he first saw him would’ve been less obvious than… whatever this was. He doesn’t think he regrets it, though.

Alex

nerd

?

saw u at the library today

in ur fancy sweater 

compliments ur eyes well

it’s annoying

Thank you? I think?

ugh

what were u doing at the library anyway 

didn’t u just get done with exams

I did. I was just engaging in some light reading.

didn’t look light to me

Christ. You’re so nosy.

Fine.

I was researching. 

oh??? say more????

It’s nothing interesting, Alex.

it’s interesting if it concerns u

And, well, how can Henry resist telling Alex after that?

Alex

Up to much today, love?

fuck 

sorry for the late reply baby

i was with cassandra all day

It’s quite alright.

Have fun?

like u wouldn’t believe. 

Pez

Pez. Mate.

Hazza!

What’s up, dove?

I’m a bit confused. Help me?

Fairy Godmother to the rescue, darling. Lay it on me.

I texted Alex yesterday to see if he was available to hang out. He replied five hours later saying he was hanging out with Cassandra all day.

Well. The thing is, I was at that diner that’s just round the corner from the campus because I was starving after Dr Atkinson’s class. I saw him there– alone– typing away on his laptop. 

I don’t know why he lied to me.

I know he’s told you he had ADHD. Knowing Alex, he was probably so into his course work that he wouldn’t have noticed your text until several hours later. He gets like that sometimes. All the time. Hyperfocused. I think tonguing a girl sounds much cooler than working on an assignment. 

He’s the smartest person I know.

I find his intelligence awfully attractive.

Others haven’t in the past. He’s probably putting on a show because he’s insecure. You two are scarily alike, you know.

What do you mean?

People have gotten angry at him for being like that. Made fun of him. 

What the fuck?

That’s incredibly enraging.

I know, Hazza. 

He’s probably just playing it safe.

Nothing about him pretending to sleep with anyone else is safe.

No, it isn’t. 

It breaks my heart.

I know it does, dove.

Henry has noticed a pattern. Even though their relationship– for the lack of a better term– is not toxic, the dynamic that they have going on here is very much so. Henry can’t say he completely loathes it, but he’s not fond of it either.

Every time he watches Alex flirt with someone, Henry will go fuck someone. Or pretend to.

Every time Alex catches him sneaking off with someone, he’ll go looking for someone else. Or pretend to.

At the end of the day, it is Henry lying face down in Alex’s bed though, so he can’t be too mad about it. 

Even if he should be.

Something’s gotta give, Henry knows.

This game they’ve been playing, Alex and him, has him stretched tight; it’s taking a toll on him. It’s taking a toll on Alex, too, from what Henry has noticed. The lies are getting more bleak, more transparent, like none of them are even making an effort to keep up the ruse of not caring about who the other person sleeps with anymore.

There’s been something growing here, something real, and no matter how much they’ve tried to deny it, he knows it’s a losing game now. Every second he’s spent with Alex, the pure euphoria of it is catching up to him and he fears he’s so close to dropping the charade of not caring about Alex at all that it makes him want to curl up into a ball and cry. His nails have been bitten short, and he hates how they make his hands look.

Alex can’t like him though. He’s caught Henry during his Dark Days, and even though he hadn’t left, they’d never talked about it. Henry knows nobody could ever want that part of him. He never lets himself believe it, no matter how much Pez insists that it’s just a part of him, it doesn’t make him any less Henry.

Be that as it may, there’s a tiny part of him that can’t help but hope. Alex has been weird lately, possessive– the "you’re mine’s” slipping out of his kiss swollen mouth when he’s balls fucking deep in Henry– more often than not. 

Henry is not a bloody bellend. He knows what it might mean, and he’s just a man– half agony, half hope.

It’s a curse, sleeping with Alex.

Henry has promised himself time after time that this is it, this is going to be the last time he fucks Alex. He’s too in love and Alex is too oblivious and he can never know, and Henry needs to put an end to this because with every thrust, Henry keeps falling deeper in love and it fucking hurts.

Every time Alex pushes into him, Henry will cup his face, fingers tracing the cut of his cheekbones as he thinks. He thinks, “Remember this.”

Remember this. He’s too important.

Every time, he’s too weak to tell Alex to not come back, to never speak to him again. There are times when—three gin and tonics deep—Henry picks up his phone to text Alex that he wants to put an end to this, that he needs Alex to stop looking at Henry like he would burn the world down if Henry asked him to. Like he’d do anything for Henry. The fact that Alex has started staying after they’ve fucked doesn’t help. Makes things worse for Henry, actually.

It's somewhat of a pattern, really. Once Alex makes Henry come, he presses his lips to Henry’s temple, moans spilling from his mouth as he chases his own release, his breaths hot against Henry’s ear. He holds Alex close, his nails digging into the skin to leave crescent shaped indents behind. I was here, he thinks, eyes closed, as Alex fucks into him hard and fast. He’s always too sensitive, his cum drying between their stomachs, but that doesn’t stop him from pulling Alex closer, tears spilling from his eyes. He’s always stretched thin between too much and not enough every time Alex comes, his teeth sinking into Henry’s shoulder.

I was here, too—that’s what Henry dreams of Alex thinking as he leaves bruises behind. 

In Henry’s imagination, Alex is leaving his own marks behind for the ones that come after him. Henry wants to be claimed by Alex, wants everyone to see that he has been.

Lately, Alex slips back into the bed after he throws the condom away. He’s started cleaning Henry up when he’s too fucked out to move, chuckling as he swipes the washcloth over their mess. He sounds so fond that Henry has to bite his lip, lest his love for the man starts to spill out of his mouth and ruin everything. Alex often props himself up on an elbow as he looks down at Henry, but he doesn’t touch him. Never touches him after they’ve slept together. Henry gets the message loud and clear—he might be good enough for a quick fuck, but not for anything else.

The conversation is good. Fuck, every bloody thing with Alex is doomed to be perfect and Henry hates it because he can’t have him. He’s cursed to be in love with a man he can never have in the ways he wants him.

“Hey,” Alex says, pulling him out of his thoughts because of course he’s still there, shirtless, in Henry’s bed. “Where’d you go?”

“Just thinking,” Henry mumbles, trying to make something up because despite his obliviousness regarding Henry’s feelings for him, Alex is perceptive like that.

“About?” Alex asks, just like Henry thought he would. It makes him smile, and he shifts a little so he can tramp it down. Hide it from Alex.

“Um. Do you remember I told you I’m trying my hand at writing a book? Yes, well, there’s this scene, and I’m stuck. The words are in my head, I just can’t seem to get them out on paper,” Henry says, watching Alex watch him.

“What’s it about? The scene,” Alex murmurs, shifting closer. He’s still not touching Henry, and Henry tries not to let the carefully-maintained distance between them hurt him. Fails.

There’s blood rushing to his cheeks, and Henry knows he’s flushed scarlet with embarrassment. It’s not that he’s ashamed of his work, it’s just that Alex wanting to know so much about him is a new feeling. Heady. Intoxicating. Having Alex’s attention like this makes his heart beat faster in his chest, and he licks his lips. That and the fact that the scene he’s stuck on is about, well, sex.

“Aw, you’re blushing!” Alex exclaims, delighted. “Tell me more immediately!”

Alex ducks his head to have a closer look and Henry groans, covering his face. He can hear Alex laughing, and he feels his lips twitch up in response.

“Shut up,” Henry chides, but it’s so fond that Alex just laughs harder. “Menace.”

“Yes, talk dirty to m- hey!” Alex squawks, indignant. “Don’t deflect, sweetheart! You know I get distracted easily.”

“I was counting on that, actually.”

“Nuh uh, that’s not going to work. Spill. Now. Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me-”

“Christ,” Henry cuts him off, exasperated. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a bloody child?”

“Yes, all the time. Now, tell me.”

“Fine,” Henry says with a put-on sigh that’s mostly just for show. “It’s a… steamy scene.”

“Smut!” Alex shouts, shifting closer to poke Henry in the chest. His heart rate picks up, the traitor. “You’re writing smut, Fox!”

“Shout it from the rooftops, why don’t you!” Henry hisses, swatting Alex’s arm away.

Alex laughs, flopping down on his back, turning his head to look at Henry with a grin on his face.

“Aw, baby, don’t be embarrassed. It’s just us in here,” Alex croons, lifting a hand to thread his hand in Henry’s hair, making his breath hitch. They don’t do this.

“What’re you doing?” Henry asks, his voice shaky.

“Giving you some inspiration,” Alex grins. “This better get me a mention in the acknowledgments, sweetheart.”

He then moves with such agility that it gives Henry a whiplash, smirking down at Henry from where he’s suddenly straddling him. He rests a hand on Henry’s chest as he leans down, his lips brushing Henry’s ear.

“Think you can come for the third time tonight, baby? For me?”

Henry lets out a choked moan, and Alex takes that as a confirmation. He’s still smirking as he makes his way down, his eyes never leaving Henry’s. He’s kissing a trail down Henry’s torso and it’s so soft that it makes Henry’s head thud back against his pillow, his eyes slipping shut.

“Ah, ah, ah,” Alex protests. “Eyes on me, or I stop.”

Henry lifts his head then, glaring down at Alex. He gives Henry a playful nip on his inner thigh, causing him to shudder. He can’t help but retaliate. He shoves a hand in Alex’s hair to give it a harsh tug, feeling smug as Alex moans in pleasure. It’s his weakness, Henry knows. He isn’t ashamed to admit he loves to exploit it when he’s feeling especially sassy.

“Please,” Henry says.

Alex’s eyes go all soft then. He brushes a thumb over his hip bone, pressing a kiss to it.

“Alright, baby,” Alex says. “Whatever you want.”

Just as Alex is about to go down on him, his phone starts ringing. He ignores it to place fleeting kisses over Henry’s thighs, but when the call comes in again, he pulls away with a groan. He stretches an arm out to lazily paw at his phone, pulling it towards him. He picks up the call and Henry can hear the faint voice of a girl, her words stumbling over each other. Henry can’t make out what she’s saying, but Alex’s mouth has gone all pinched, his face tense. He gets out of bed, putting on his clothes as he murmurs into the phone, reassuring the girl.

“I’ll see you soon, Bug,” Alex says, making Henry’s stomach turn over. He’s leaving Henry naked in bed, hard, so that he can go hang out with some girl.

“Hen, I’ve really got to go. I’ll catch you later, ‘kay?” Alex says, rushing out of Henry’s apartment before he can utter a single word.

Well. He needs to put an end to this. He knows he won’t.

Henry sees Alex on the campus two days later.

He hasn’t texted Henry since he high tailed out of his apartment, and Henry had tried his absolute hardest to not reach out himself. He has some self-respect left, astoundingly. Pez was so proud of him that he’d bought him a jam scone with a warm cup of Early Grey. Henry will absolutely take the smallest wins when he can.

The thing is, Henry sees Alex on the campus two days later flirting with a girl. Henry wonders if she’s the same person who’d called him when he was about to blow Henry. Wonders if he’d gone down on her that night instead.

Look, even though they’ve made things clear between them—they’ve “communicated”—it doesn’t stop the bile from rising up in Henry’s throat. He doesn’t cry, no. There’s an ache in his chest, and he knows that the ache was going to increase tenfold when he’d agreed that they weren’t going to be exclusive. He knows Alex fucks people other than him. Henry fucks other people, too. He sleeps with them for fun, but also when he’s feeling too much, fearing that he’s in too deep. He never claimed to have the healthiest coping mechanisms, alright.

He knows what’s good for him. He knows it’s not Alex. He knows what he should do. He doesn’t want to give Alex up though. It’s not like it's Alex’s fault either. He’d made it quite clear that he isn’t looking for anything serious, that it’s all very casual for him. He likes sex, simple as that. He likes sex with Henry—they’re good at it. Henry was the one to blame. He is the one who’d agreed to those terms knowing that it was going to absolutely destroy him. He is the one who’d planned to just take someone else home when he feels like he’s too close to getting burned by just how bright Alex shines. He is the one who thought having Alex like this was better than not having him at all. It isn’t enough, and the way they’ve been sharing things about themselves lately has Henry digging his early grave. 

All this to say, he goes to the bar an hour away from the campus to pick someone up because he can’t stop thinking of Alex going down on some girl. He dresses up, puts on a flimsy excuse for a shirt, and drives out to the bar because he knows he’s not going to find any other students there. He’s tired; he needs something new. Someone new. He needs to forget about Alex Claremont-Diaz, even if it’s just for a night. So, he sips on the drinks men buy him, goes home with a man who looks nothing like Alex, and slips out when the man falls asleep.

When he finally gets home, he’s exhausted. He thought he’d feel bad about it all. He thought he’d feel itchy and wrong, but there’s a pleasant ache in his bones, and he feels himself smile as he stretches, feeling the twinge in his lower back. Alex isn’t the only one who loves sex. Henry isn’t known as the university slut for nothing, no matter how degrading that might sound. He loves to be fucked until he can’t think straight, tears falling from his eyes. He liked to be edged, likes it when men are mean to him, making him beg. The man at the club ticks all his boxes. He should do this more, Henry thinks. Pez was right, the only way to get over someone is getting under someone.

He takes a shower, feeling contentment deep to his bones. That was a good lay. He wonders if he should text the man. He’d insisted on giving Henry his number before they’d slipped out of the bar, huge grins on their faces. He sees the hickey on his neck as he gets out of the shower, his skin damp. Presses his fingers into it. Loves how it stings. Then, he finally sits down to write, not caring that it’s four in the morning. It’s a miracle, really. The words keep flowing out of him and writing has never felt so effortless before. So, what if it's Alex’s body that flashes in his mind when he’s writing about his main characters fucking? It doesn’t have to mean a thing.

Alex is leaning against the door of his apartment when Henry gets home from the library. He’s looking down at his phone, texting someone as Henry comes to an abrupt halt, clutching his bag as the 505 above Alex’s head glints in the sunlight.

“What are you doing here?” Henry asks.

Alex’s head snaps up, a grin taking over his face. Alex has never shown up before texting him. Their meetings, no matter how spontaneously planned, are always, well, planned. There’s a string of “you free?” texts that sit in his phone, a few “Do you want to come over?”

Alex being here is throwing Henry off, and he grips the handle of his bag tighter. Alex’s head snaps up at the sound of Henry’s voice, and he slips his phone in his back pocket as a grin overtakes his face. He’s wearing a fitted black t-shirt and Henry can’t tear his eyes away from how the sleeves are clinging to his biceps.

“Baby!” Alex laughs, walking closer to give him a fleeting kiss, slipping a hand in Henry’s back pocket to squeeze his arse. “There you are.”

As Henry gapes at him, Alex cups his face, his thumb pressing into a freckle that adorns Henry’s cheekbone. Presses his lips to it. “I missed you.”

Henry stands there, dumbstruck. This is not a thing. Alex has never once told him he’s missed him in person in his entire life, and here he is, grinning down at Henry like he’s his entire world. He doesn’t know where this is coming from, but he needs it to stop. Sex he can handle. This? He cannot handle this.

“What?”

“C’mon, sweetheart,” Alex laughs again. “Get in character. Didn’t you say you needed inspiration to write that scene?”

“Oh,” Henry breathes, the pieces slotting into place. Not real, he thinks to himself. This is not real. “Right. I missed you, darling.”

“Say it like you mean it, babe. You sound like someone’s forcing you to say that,” Alex says lightly, but the corner of his mouth is slightly pinched.

Henry rolls his eyes, shoving Alex away. He looks around to check if anyone’s seen them, just to be cautious, and Alex follows his gaze, the pinch getting more prominent.

“God forbid if someone sees us together,” Alex mutters.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, Henry,” Alex says, the pinch deliberately smoothening out. “It doesn’t mean a thing. Now, open the door.”

Henry frowns, but lets it go. He knows he’s going to come back to it later, is going to overthink this. Ask Pez what he thinks about it. But as soon as the door shuts behind them, Alex has Henry pinned against it, his mouth moving against his, hot and insistent.

“Fuck,” Alex mutters between kisses. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

Henry groans, letting his tote fall to the floor. He hears David shuffling somewhere in the apartment, but that doesn’t stop him from curling a leg over Alex’s thigh, seeking friction as he grinds up.

“So desperate for it,” Alex teases, slipping his hands beneath Henry’s t-shirt. “You’re such a slut for it, aren’t you?”

Henry moans, his hands slipping over Alex’s shoulders to pull him close. Alex indulges him for a minute until he puts some distance between them to pull Henry’s t-shirt over his head, tossing it over his shoulder, making Henry laugh. Alex kisses a trail down Henry’s neck, giving it teasing nips, his lips curving up. Henry can feel Alex’s smile pressed against his skin. He wants to tattoo it there, wants to have it etched on him forever.

“God, you’re so desperate for m- wait,” Alex snaps, cutting himself off. He pulls away from Henry’s neck hurriedly, his lips swollen. “That’s not from me.”

Henry is confused, just for a second. He’s confused until he watches Alex’s face cloud over as he lifts a hand to cup the side of Henry’s neck, his thumb pressing into the hickey Henry knows sits there. Ah, well. That.

“No, it’s not,” Henry agrees, licking his lips.

Henry doesn’t know why his heart has started racing, why his hands have gone all clammy. It’s not as though he has done anything wrong. Alex and him, they’re causal—they’re not even exclusive. He doesn’t understand why him saying that makes Alex’s grip on him tighten as he presses his thumb into his bruised skin harder, his eyes stormy.

“It’s fresh,” Alex observes. The tone of his voice sends chills down Henry’s spine, not unpleasantly.

“Last night,” he confirms.

Alex completely pulls away then, and Henry is left feeling cold. Bereft. His eyebrows are furrowed as he glares at the hickey.

“Writing inspiration,” Alex murmurs, his eyes wildly darting around Henry’s apartment.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Your writing inspiration,” Alex repeats, a bit irritated. “You needed it.”

“I did,” Henry says, wiping his hands on his pants. He crosses his arms.

“You got it.”

“I did,” Henry says, frowning as Alex walks over to Henry’s desk.

“You don’t need it anymore,” Alex says, less of a question than a statement.

“I… I don’t need it anymore.”

“Not from me, anyway,” he says distractedly, scanning the papers on Henry’s desk. “I told you I would help you with that.”

“So, what? I’m just supposed to wait around for you? Twiddle my thumbs until it’s convenient for you?” Henry snaps, his skin feeling itchy from how Alex is behaving.

“That’s not what I said,” Alex snaps right back. He lifts his head to throw a glare at Henry.

Then, Alex goes back to shuffling the papers, seemingly finding what he’s looking for as Henry puts his t-shirt back on. Henry knows what it is. He’d gotten all of that down on paper last night, and he knows the date sits on the top right corner of the page in his neat scrawl.

“May I read it?” Alex asks, jaw clenched.

Henry shrugs. He watches Alex read his work, watches how his posture grows tense with every passing second. His back is ramrod straight; mouth set in a frown.

“Should I tell you that when we're apart, your body comes back to me in dreams?” Alex reads, his hands clutching the paper so tight that his knuckles have gone white. They’re shaking slightly, and Alex’s jaw is clenched, his eyes blazing.

Henry doesn’t let himself think about his reaction too much. Alex is angry, scathingly so, but Henry doesn’t think about the implications of him behaving like this because Henry had slept with someone else and wrote about him because he knows he’ll start hoping for something that’s simply not possible. He’ll start thinking about a future with Alex. Instead, he does nothing but stare at him, lips pursed. Alex scowls at him, eyes dropping to the crinkled paper again.

“That when I sleep,” Alex continues, his voice rising, “I see you, the dip of your waist, the freckle above your hip, and when I wake up in the morning, it feels like I've just been with you, the phantom touch of your hand on the back of my neck fresh and not imagined?”

When Henry says nothing, Alex goes back to reading, his nostrils flaring. There’s something in his voice that chills Henry to the bones, but he looks on wordlessly as Alex’s eyes darken. He’s never seen Alex look so enraged, and Henry jumps a little when he starts reading aloud again.

“That I can feel your skin against mine, and it makes every bone in my body ache? That, for a few moments, I can hold my breath and be back there with you, in a dream, in a thousand rooms, nowhere at all?”

Alex tosses the page on Henry’s desk then, taking a step towards Henry. He looks furious, eyes narrowed as he walks closer, pinning Henry against the wall with a hand on his chest. He shoves him harder, resting their foreheads together. His breaths are coming out in harsh pants, hot against Henry’s mouth. Despite everything, Henry feels his pants tighten, his skin tingling in anticipation.

“Who did you fuck?” Alex demands, pressing Henry into the wall harder.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me,” Alex says, voice low. “Who did you fuck, Fox? Whose body comes back to you in dreams? Who are you seeing in a thousand rooms, and nowhere at all? When did you have the fucking time?”

Henry can’t tell him that he’d written this with Alex in mind, that he’d pictured owning Alex’s body. Being owned by him in return. He can’t tell him that he’s been in love with him for as long as he’s known him. Longer, actually. So, he tilts his chin out like he does when he wants to look stronger than he feels. Inside, he’s crumbling. His walls are crashing down. On the outside, nobody can tell. On the outside, he’s stoic. Inside, he’s. He’s Henry—alone. Henry, breaking down.

“I don’t see how it’s any of your business, Alexander,” Henry says coolly, even though he’s anything but unbothered. He feels proud of himself when his voice doesn’t break. He clenches his fists because they’re shaking a little too much, so he shoves them into his pockets.

“Not any of my business?” Alex repeats, voice cold. “I thought we were getting somewhere, sweetheart. Guess not, huh?”

“Guess not,” Henry confirms, his voice hollow.

Henry wants to reassure him. He wants to tell Alex that those men mean nothing to him, not when Alex shines brighter than the bloody sun. He wants to tell Alex that even though he’s been sleeping with other men, none of them compare to how truly alive Alex makes him feel. He wants Alex to know that he’d stop sleeping with them if Alex asked him to. If Alex stopped seeing other people, too. That’s not possible. It’s not wise either.

He also wants to tell Alex that he has no right to be upset. He doesn’t own Henry, not even a little, not at all. They’re nothing, so Henry doesn’t understand why Alex is so irked. He’s a hypocrite, that’s what he is. Henry gets his heart broken over and over again whenever he watches Alex flirt with someone, take someone home. Henry has never behaved like this because he knows he has no right to. Alex doesn’t seem to understand this. Henry doesn’t want to bait Alex into an argument, so he clenches his jaw shut, eyes stony.

Alex lets out a humourless laugh, his expression thunderous. He tightens his hold on the collar of Henry’s t-shirt from where he’s pressed him up against the bloody wall, his knuckles brushing the exposed skin.

“God, Henry,” he says, giving him a little shake. “I don’t even know why I bother trying with you.”

He pushes Henry into the wall one last time before he turns around, walking out of Henry’s apartment without a backward glance. The echo of the door slamming shut sounds louder than it ever has.

One last time, that’s what he tells himself. 

One last game. One last effort to get Alex right where he wants him. He knows he has to go in for the kill. He has to make Alex notice.

And what better way to do that than fucking his best friend?

So, when Henry would usually seek Alex out at a party, he lets his eyes wander. Lets the anger fuel him. He spots Liam playing beer pong, and he waits for him to spot Henry. He’s noticed the way Liam seeks him out sometimes. He’s getting bolder, moving closer with every party that they attend. 

Henry knows it’s just a matter of time.

He wonders if Liam knows Henry is fucking Alex. Getting fucked by him, too. They’d mutually– silently– decided to keep this thing under wraps, and even though Henry’s best friend knows about this, he wonders if Alex’s best friend does. He doubts it. 

After all: Alex hasn’t been in love with Henry since the beginning of time itself. No, that’s all Henry.

He decides he doesn’t care. If Liam feels it’s alright for him to approach Henry, who is he to say no? He still loves a good fuck, and if the way Liam struts around is anything to go by, he’s going to have an incredible time with him. Fuck, Henry can’t wait to taste the weight of his cock on his tongue.

Henry leans against the wall, letting the collar of his shirt fall open as he waits for Liam to look at his way. Henry knows he’s going to. He hasn’t exactly been subtle so far, and Henry knew it was just a matter of time until they fall into bed together. Angering Alex is just an added bonus he can’t stop thinking about. He cannot wait to see how this all plays out. One thing’s for sure– it’ll get everything out in the open without them actually having to say that there’s been something brewing between them.

Not only that, Liam is one of the hottest men Henry has even laid eyes on, even though he can never hold a candle to Alex. Henry just knows having Liam fucking him is going to be fun, and he can’t pass that opportunity up.

He lazily sips from his glass as his gaze remains fixed on Liam, watching how his fingers curl around the ball. The way his arms flex when he aims the ball has Henry licking his lips, and suddenly, pissing Alex off doesn’t seem as important as having those fingers inside him. Henry hungrily watches the way Liam’s throat bobs as he chugs his drink, and he can’t tear his eyes away. 

He needs to get out of here now. With Liam. Henry slowly brings his own glass up to his lips, and when he tears his eyes away from Liam’s throat to look at him, he’s already looking at Henry. 

Henry smiles, syrup sweet.

He licks his lips, digging his teeth into the plush flesh of his bottom lip, and he feels a jolt rush through him as he watches Liam’s eyes track the movement. He misses his shot when Henry shifts again, exposing the soft dip of his clavicle. Henry laughs, his eyes crinkled. Then, slowly, he relaxes against the wall, letting his eyes go all half-lidded. He watches as Liam murmurs something to his teammates as he tosses the ping pong ball over his shoulder, eyes still fixed on Henry.

Then Liam walks over to Henry with measured steps, a cocky grin on his face. He stops inches away, and the way the toes of their shoes brush together has Henry’s breath catching. Bloody hell, he even smells exquisite. 

Liam breathes heavily, a question on his lips. He asks Henry to follow him.

And Henry follows.

Henry’s on his back, his arms wrapped tight around Liam’s broad shoulders when he hears the insistent buzzing of his phone. He tries to ignore it, but there’s no reprieve; it keeps going and going and going, and even through the haze of pleasure, Henry wonders if it’s Alex.

They have a routine, and Henry has just broken it by letting Liam pull Henry into his room, their mouths never separating for more than a second.

The thought of Alex looking for Henry, seeking him out when he can have whoever he wants to at that damn party pleases him so much that he comes embarrassingly fast, biting his lip so hard that he draws blood, just so he doesn’t scream Alex’s name when it’s Liam’s hand that is wrapped around his leaking cock.

When Liam asks him to stay, Henry has to make up an excuse; it sounds rickety, even to his own ears. His phone is burning a hole in the pocket of his jeans, and he practically sprints from Liam’s room to lock himself in the bathroom to check his texts. 

His fantasy of Alex blowing up his phone wasn’t just a fantasy, as it turns out. He’s pleased, but it also makes him sick to his damn stomach. He can feel Alex’s wrath through the screen, and there’s a part of him that feels triumphant. There’s a part that feels miserable, too.

God, what is he doing with his life?

Alex

i know we had that argument and all

but we’re still on for tonight, right??

like i’m mad. but also need to be inside you asap?

been looking for you

come find me in the kitchen

baby

baby.

where are u 

can’t find u

been looking for u

henry.

i saw u in the background of pez’s story so i know that ur here

baby i haven’t seen you in three whole days where are u

ok is it more of a hide-from-everyone day baby

gonna look for u in the library hold tight 

ok

ur not here either.

what the hell

babyyyyyyyyyy

henry

baby

baby

baby

i miss u

i’m a little drunk and have no filter and i miss u i miss u i MISS u

alright this is pissing me OFFFFFF 

don’t play with me 

where are u 

please please please

need u

so bad

need to fuck u so hard u will be limping tomorrow 

need u to walk out of my room hoping everyone can see that u are walking like that bc of ME

need u need u need u

need to feel u squeezing ‘round my cock

swear i’m gonna get hard just from thinking about u

MOTHERFUCKER WHERE ARE YOU

baby :( 

what the fuck

what the actual FUCK

now tell me why did someone from my lax team tell me that u were giving LIAM the fuck-me eyes 

henry 

care to explain yourself?

this isn’t funny

henry. you motherfucker this is not fucking funny.

eight months and we never leave a party with anyone else

EIGHT MONTHS and you decide to leave with my best friend??????

someone told me they saw u making out with him

 going into his room

what the fuck.

what the actual fuck henry????

u are an asshole

fuck you.

god i cannot belive u

how could u

i thought this was our unspoken rule

why?

fucked someone else. thought about you.

Henry is stumbling back into the party, his hair messy, when he makes his way into the kitchen. He isn’t drunk, isn’t tipsy, and he’s planning to stick to water when Alex stumbles in.

He hasn’t spotted Henry yet, but his jaw is locked, face stormy. Henry’s stomach swoops when he realises the possibility of Alex looking like that because of Henry.

Henry leans against the fridge, ankles crossed, waiting for Alex to notice him. He’s sobered up, from what Henry can tell. He’s not stumbling, and his grip on the bottle of water is tight. Henry clears his throat.

Alex’s head snaps towards him, and before Henry can even blink, Alex has tossed his bottle of water into the sink in favour of stomping close to Henry. He looks livid and despite everything, Henry feels the nerves creeping up.

Alex pulls Henry in from where he’s leaning against the wall by the collar of his shirt, shoving him against the fridge. He watches as Alex's jaw twitches, and the way his eyes go cold has a shiver running down Henry’s spine. 

When he speaks his voice is rough, and there’s sweat gathering on his brow. Despite everything, Henry has to fight the urge to lick it off. 

Instead, he tries to focus on how Alex is seething, his breaths short. He tries to focus on the heat that is radiating off of him in waves, and he lets that ground him. Then, suddenly, Alex’s hand gripping his jaw, the hold tight. The tenderness of his fingertips Henry used to savour is gone, and he is left feeling bereft. 

“My best friend,” Alex whispers, his hand gripping Henry's jaw to hold him in place. He digs his fingers into the flesh harder, and Henry gasps. “You ignored my texts to sleep with my best friend. ”

Even though Henry’s heart is beating faster than it has the right to, he doesn’t let it show.

“So?” Henry asks instead, jutting his jaw out.

Alex’s fingers are still pressed against Henry’s skin, touch harsher than Henry would like. Still, he feels a sick sense of satisfaction as he watches the embers of fire in Alex’s eyes intensify, and how he’s irked by the thought of Henry ignoring him.

“So?” Alex repeats, as he laughs mockingly. “We have a routine, Henry. We get drunk, socialise with our friends, but at the end of the night, we leave together. You threw it all away to sleep with- with some other man!”

“We aren’t exclusive,” Henry reminds Alex.

Alex scoffs, his grip on Henry’s face unyielding. He presses closer, sliding a thigh between Henry’s legs. Henry lets him.

“Do you think I don’t know that?” Alex asks, the irritation in his voice almost tangible. “It’s not as if you let me forget it.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“I think you know what I mean, Henry.”

“No,” Henry disagrees. “I don’t know what you mean, Alex. I never do.”

“It’s you who runs out of the bed as if it’s on fucking fire after we’ve come. It’s you who never wants to talk about yourself. You keep yourself locked away; you never let me see you. It’s you who runs away to fuck someone else as soon as we’re done. So, tell me, Henry, how am I supposed to forget that we’re not exclusive?”

They’re breathing the same air now, their noses brushing. The way Alex’s voice has gone all low makes Henry’s pants tighten and he can’t help but roll his hips slightly, pressing his crotch against Alex’s thigh.

“Don’t you pin this on me,” Henry hisses. “Don’t act like you’re not the one who leaves me in bed to sleep with other people. It’s you, too, Alex. I might be a whore, but you’re one, too.”

“Go fuck yourself,” Alex spits as he clenches his fist tighter, pushing against Henry. 

The air is charged, heavy, and Henry knows this argument is going to end so they can fuck each other. They need to work on their communication. That’s not happening anytime soon, though.

“Fuck me yourself, coward,” Henry retorts, raising a hand to shove at Alex’s chest. It doesn’t do much.

Alex stays there, devastatingly close, his skin sheened with sweat. Bravely, Henry leans forward to lick a strike up the side of his cheek, tasking the salt on his tongue. 

Alex slackens his hold on Henry’s collar to wrap a hand around his throat, and when he squeezes, rough and mean, Henry can’t bloody breathe. 

It’s perfect.

“I’ll fuck you, alright,” Alex promises, wrapping a hand around the underside of Henry’s thigh to press it higher.

They’re still in the kitchen where anyone can walk in any second and see them like this. 

Henry knows this is going to be the best fuck of his entire goddamn life.

They end up at Henry’s apartment somehow.

Alex mutters something about not wanting to be on the same floor–the same building – as Liam’s bedroom, and drags Henry out of his frat house with a tug on his wrist. They stumble to Henry’s apartment in the student halls, hands frantically grasping each other. Alex steers them towards Henry’s front door with a hand in his back pocket, and Henry tries not to combust on the spot.

Alex plasters himself along the length of Henry’s back as he tries unlocking the door with shaky hands, and he can’t help but shiver when Alex bends down to mouth at the column of his neck. The air is vibrating, the energy frenetic. Henry can feel his palms itch. 

He can feel Alex’s anger in the cut of his teeth over Henry’s skin, how he bites more aggressively than he usually does. Henry lets himself sink in Alex’s embrace. He lets the heat of the arms wrapped around his waist ground him, and when he finally gets his door open on the fifth try, he drags Alex to the bedroom, tossing his keys on the dresser carelessly, not caring when they fall to the floor instead. 

He knows he’s in trouble the second Alex shoves him on the bed. His gaze is scorching, and Henry feels like he’s been set ablaze– he can feel the fire coursing through his veins, and fuck if it doesn’t want to make him do something stupid. Alex doesn’t say anything as he strips them of their clothes, his movements jerky, but his eyes never leave Henry as he settles over his body to straddle him. Henry shivers as Alex eyes darken, and he shifts a little when he feels his cock filling out under the attention.

“Henry,” Alex says. It sounds like a plea.

“Alex,” Henry murmurs, lifting his hands to cup his cheeks.

It’s a shock when Alex moves away, and Henry has to let his hands fall back on the mattress. There’s an ache in his chest, and he can’t dwell on it too much otherwise he’ll end up in tears, and that would be humiliating beyond belief. Before he can react, Alex wraps his hands around Henry’s wrists, wrenching them over his head. Then, he pins them to the mattress with a hand wrapped around them, as his other pinches Henry’s chin to jerk his face upwards. Their noses brush, and Henry whimpers.

“You,” Alex starts, voice rough. “Are not allowed to touch me. Understood?”

Henry whines in disappointment.

“I asked, do you understand, Henry?”

“Yes!” Henry cries, eyebrows crinkling.

Alex hasn’t even done anything yet, and Henry is leaking all over his stomach, making a mess. He can feel the beginning of his tears cresting his eyes, and he bites his lip to swallow down the moan as Alex grinds down over his dick.

“No matter what I do,” Alex says as the touch of his fingertips gets firmer. “You’re not allowed to touch me.”

Henry breaks as Alex presses his thumb down over Henry’s bottom lip for a second before he slips it in Henry’s mouth, catching the edge of his teeth.

“Why?” Henry whines around Alex’s finger.

“You’ve done enough touching tonight already, haven’t you, sweetheart?” 

Henry wants to whimper. Wants to tell Alex that touching Liam is nothing compared to how he feels alight when his fingertips brush over Alex’s skin, warm and tangible. Henry needs to touch Alex more than he’s needed anything in his whole entire life, and the fact that he’s being denied of the one thing he wants makes him so frustrated that he wants to weep.

“No,” Henry says. “Please.”

Alex tightens his hold on Henry’s wrists, his face stormy. He presses the pad of his thumb over the flat of Henry’s tongue, and he immediately rolls it over the digit, hollowing his cheeks. He knows what he looks like when he gets like this– his eyes are shiny with unshed tears, cheeks cherry red with arousal. He knows some of his hair is sticking to his hair in waves because of the sweat, and he feels wanted when Alex’s stare never leaves him, even for a second.

“No matter how pretty you sound when you beg for me, I’m not going to let you touch me, Henry. I think you’ve had your fair share of touching men this evening.”

Then, he leans down to bite at the underside of Henry’s jaw, nipping, and Henry knows he’s going to see a bruise sitting high up there when he wakes up tomorrow, the skin tender. He hopes Alex never stops as he slips his thumb out to Henry’s mouth to press his fingers against where his mouth had been, just a second ago.

As Alex moves to the other side of his neck, teeth harsh, Henry revels in the feeling of being owned. Look, Alex is jealous, it’s glaringly obvious. Henry had hoped this is where the night led them, and once they’ve fucked, he’ll have to figure out a way to find out where Alex stands with exclusivity. Later. Now, he moans loud as Alex’s hands skim over his abdomen, the touch feathery, and then slip between his cheeks, rubbing against his opening.

Then, he bites Henry so hard that it draws blood. When Alex pulls back, there’s a drop of crimson clinging to his lip, and Henry wants to wipe it off, wants to get his thumb over his lip, but he can’t, he can’t, he can’t.

“You’re still slick. Wet,” Alex snaps, and there’s fury clinging to the tone of his voice.

Alex’s fingers are glistening with the traces of lube that still mars his skin. He’d cleaned up, sure, but it was quick and hasty because he was so desperate to get to his phone earlier.

Henry doesn’t know what to say, so he says nothing. His fingers twitch from where they’ve curled up in fists.

“What the fuck. I am going to fucking ruin you, Fox,” Alex promises, jaw locked, as he breaches Henry with a finger, rough and hard.

Henry whimpers, tasting the pledge in every swipe of Alex’s insistent tongue as he licks into Henry’s mouth. The way their mouths move together makes Henry arches back, pushing closer, angling his head to bite at Alex’s lip. The urge to reach out for Alex, to thread his fingers in those devastating curls is stronger than ever, but he holds back, and lets Alex kiss him, kiss him, kiss him.

“Lube?” Alex asks against his mouth, and kisses Henry again before he can answer.

“Don’t need it,” Henry gasps between kisses. He wants to feel Alex tomorrow wants to feel the stretch. 

“Fuck,” Alex swears, and it sounds so angry that Henry doesn’t know what to do with himself.

He doesn't know what to do until Alex slips a second finger in, and then third without giving him a second’s reprieve. Alex doesn’t let Henry adjust. He takes it all, even though the intrusion burns a little. He’s still stretched open from when Liam had fucked him not two hours ago, and the way Alex spreads Henry’s legs to accommodate himself between them so he can slip a fourth finger in has Henry seeing stars.

When he breaches Henry, bottoming out, he’s not gentle, his mouth frowning. Henry wants to kiss it away. He does. He kisses Alex until that displeased expression on his face melts away, but the intensity stays. 

He enters Henry in a slide, smooth thrust, and the sound that falls from Henry’s mouth is barely human. He can’t help how his nails dig into Alex’s back for a quick second from when Alex had released his wrists, and he knows when tomorrow comes, they're going to be scratches etched into Alex’s skin, too.

Alex clicks his tongue, and then Henry’s wrists are pinned again, a pleasant ache in his bones.

“Going to have to hold you down myself, don’t I, my little brat?”

Alex doesn’t start slow. He starts a punishing pace from the second he starts moving his hips like he’s fucking getting paid for it, his hold tightening around Henry’s wrists. He’s hard and rough and everything Henry thought he would be when they’d first started sleeping together, except. Except the ire that sits on Alex’s face captures his attention so much that he can’t look away from it, even though the pleasure he’s feeling demands to be felt.

“Fucking hell,” Alex groans, lifting a hand to wrap his hand around Henry’s neck, just… holding him in place. He hasn’t started squeezing, not yet, and Henry shudders as Alex presses his fingers down a little harder. “The thought of him like this, over you, fucking, ah, fucking you, like I- I am drives, ah, drives me fucking insane, baby.”

Henry cries, utterly wrecked, as Alex lifts Henry’s thigh higher, pressing it to his chest to change to angle, and then suddenly, he’s pounding into that sweet spot repeatedly, lighting him inside out.

“Alex,” Henry cries, pushing back, working his hips, meeting his thrusts, feeling the arousal deep in his bones.

“Yes,” Alex hisses, lifting Henry’s other leg upward to bend him in half. “Say my name, baby.”

Henry clenches around Alex at the hint of possessiveness in his voice coupled with the pet name, and then the tears that he’d been holding back start spilling out. Each thrust of Alex’s lips pushes Henry higher up on the mattress and he can’t help the little uh ’s that fall from his mouth without any reprieve.

Henry tries pressing impossible closer, trying to eliminate the distance between them, but his thighs are pushed back, wide open, and it’s impossible to pull Alex any nearer. 

“Say my name,” Alex repeats. “I won’t ask again, Henry.”

Then, his hold around his neck tightens, the fingers digging in, and there’s something truly insane in Alex’s eyes, and Henry can taste his own tears, and he gasps for air as Alex’s long, perfect fingers squeeze. 

“Alex,” Henry wheezes, watching how Alex’s lips spread in a satisfied smile. “Alexander.”

“Very good,” Alex praises with a strained chuckle. “Just like that, baby.”

“Alex, please.”

“Did you beg for him like this, too? Did you beg for his fucking dick while he was already inside you, splitting you open?”

Henry can’t do anything but muffle his cries, biting his lip.

“Not going to answer me?” Alex asks. “That’s fine. I’ll just have to fuck an answer out of you.”

He lets go of Henry’s neck to kneel on the mattress, Henry’s thighs bracketing his hips. Henry can still feel the ghost of Alex's fingers over his neck, the weight of his arm over his clavicle. Then, he stops remembering as Alex wraps his hands around the curve of Henry’s tapered waist to pull his hips up to rail him into the mattress, the movement erratic.

“Tell me,” Alex pants. “Did you beg for him?”

“Liam?” Henry asks because he knows it’ll have Alex setting a belligerent pace, his thrusts turning erratic. He’s proven right when Alex does just that.

“Don’t fucking say his name when I’m inside you,” Alex snarls. “Did you beg for him to fuck you proper, huh, Fox?”

“No,” Henry admits, a tear falling down his cheek from when Alex’s fucking him perfectly. It’s all he’s ever needed. “No.”

“Fucking stellar,” Alex says, and then buries his face in Henry’s neck to leave hickeys over his skin.

They’re both loud, embarrassingly so, and Henry feels so cock drunk that he can’t help the bitten-back mewls from escaping his lips. The sounds of Alex’s short breaths, his voice warms him from the inside, and he matches them, unashamed. The sound of Alex pumping into him is obscenely loud in the sanctuary of his room, and it has Henry almost falling over the edge. He doesn’t.

“Please, baby, uh, I’m so close,” Alex whines. “Need to hear you- ah, you say my name.

And, well, he does exactly that. Henry chants Alex’s name like it’s a prayer, and God, it might as well be with how willing Henry is to fall to his knees just so he can worship Alex, worship what he makes him feel. 

Henry feels itchy with the need to yank at Alex’s curls because he knows that’s exactly what will push him over the edge, but he wants to be good for Alex, he is good for Alex, wants to be so good that Alex doesn’t even think about anyone else, ever.

Alex leans forward to push his tongue into Henry’s mouth, licking the roof of his mouth, exploring every nook, every cranny. His hands on Henry’s hips feel warm, hot, and he feels the heat at the base of his spine. He’s close, so close, but he knows he won’t come before Alex does.

Henry’s thighs tremble from where they’re framing Alex’s waist, and he feels the need to come so deep that it’s running through his bloody veins. Henry is a crying mess, Alex’s voice making his breath hitch as his lips brush the shell of Henry’s ear.

“Mine,” Alex groans. “You’re mine. Not his. Mine. Mine, ah, baby. My baby.”

“Please, please, please, ah, please, please,” Henry babbles, fighting against Alex’s hold over his wrists.

“You’re a fucking whore,” Alex says, dazed, eyes fixed on where Henry is leaking over his stomach making a mess. “But you’re my whore, aren’t you?”

“Yes, yes, yes, yes!” Henry agrees, fat tears rolling down his cheeks. “Yours, yours, yours, Alex, ah, please I need to come!”

“Mine,” Alex agrees, thrusting harshly. “I own you, don’t I? Tell me I do. Fuck, uh, baby. I’m so close.”

"You do," Henry cries, tilting his face up to ask Alex for a kiss. He kisses Henry like a starving man.

Then, miraculously, he lets go of Henry’s wrists from where he’s been fighting to break free. He doesn’t waste a second to get his hands in Alex’s hair to give it a harsh tug. Alex comes. Henry follows, seconds later, with a breathless laugh.

His wrists are tinged red, fingerprints from Alex’s fingers on his neck, and Henry knows something has been changed forever.

They’re never going to be the same.

Alex leaves Henry alone after fucking him at the party for eight days. It’s the longest they’ve gone without seeing each other since this thing between them had started. 

Things change on the eighth day.

Henry is having one of those days. It’s not a Dark Day. He’s managed to spill his tea on his favourite sweater, he’s dropped his bloody laptop on the floor when he was leaving his lecture hall, and…

And he’s seen Alex flirting with some girl on the campus on his way back home.

He knows they’re not exclusive. He knows. He’s reminded himself time and time again. Countless times, especially after Alex had thrown his jealous fit, or at least that’s what Pez had called it. That doesn’t stop Henry from feeling a little stab of betrayal as he watches the girl laugh at something Alex says. Watches Alex smile down at her softly, his eyes glinting in the sun. He has never looked at Henry like that. Alex brushes the hair away from her face with careful fingers, his thumb brushing her cheek. Henry knows what that feels like. He swears he can still feel the phantom touch and the warmth from Alex’s fingers from when he had cupped Henry’s face, his fingers tracing the freckles on his cheeks.

Remembers the butterflies in his stomach. He’d thought it had meant something that Alex had stopped kissing him just to trace that constellation of freckles etched on his skin, pressing his thumb into the darkest one that sits on the edge of Henry’s cheekbone. He remembers how Alex had smiled at him, had pressed his lips to that same freckle.

Sure, they’d had a fight, if you could even call it that. Henry didn’t think Alex would go seek someone else out so soon. He doesn’t know why he’s surprised, really. He should’ve expected this. A part of him wonders if it’s revenge for when Henry had slept with his best friend. 

Reality comes crashing down on him, though. He reminds himself that he’s not that important to Alex. That he doesn’t occupy such a vast space in Alex’s mind that he’d bother to do things out of spite, just to upset Henry. Alex is flirting with her because it’s just what he does—it’s what he wants. Henry doesn’t mean a thing to him.

Fuck, Henry had really thought it had meant something, like a bloody fool. He really should’ve known better. Alex is known for sleeping around, just like Henry is. Just because Alex had gotten jealous, just because Henry has been in love with Alex since he first saw him, shouldn’t change anything. It’s a wakeup call, is what it is.

Alex had gotten upset at the thought of him writing about some man, of Henry fucking someone else, and had chosen to flirt with with a girl instead of coming back to clear things up. Henry’s the same. Even though they’ve communicated, they don’t communicate. He doesn’t know why he was hoping they could talk things out. That Alex getting angry would put a hold on them sleeping with other people. Idiot, he thinks. What a bloody idiot.

Henry walks home, his heart in pieces, mouth set in a firm line. Showers. Stands below the spray, shaking as the water goes cold. Makes himself a cuppa to warm up.

Alex is there thirty minutes later.

It’s been eight days since their fight, but Alex is there at Henry’s doorstep. He knows he needs to stop this. He’s in too deep and his heart is in pieces, and this is getting too much for him, but God, fuck if he doesn’t want Alex. In whatever way possible. 

He’s going to give in; he does give in. Of course, he does. 

There isn’t a single universe where Henry would ever deny himself this.

When Henry opens his door because someone has been knocking insistently, Alex is there thirty minutes later —with a faint lipstick mark that he hasn’t managed to completely wipe off on the edge of his jaw. Henry finds himself being slammed against his front door with brutal force before he can even react, Alex’s body blanketing his, his mouth hot and unyielding. It’s all teeth and tongue and hands digging into his skin, and Henry loves the pain that comes with it. He knows his skin is going to bear marks from this for days. From Alex. He welcomes it.

“Henry,” Alex groans against his mouth, hands sliding under Henry’s t-shirt to hold him close. “Fuck, I missed you, baby.”

Henry feels his breath stutter. He doesn’t let himself believe it. Thinks of Alex tucking that girl’s hair behind her ear thirty minutes ago, thinks of the lipstick stain that still sits on the hinge of his jaw.

“Did you now?” Henry asks breathily, tilting his head so Alex can suck on his pulse point.

“Yeah,” Alex murmurs, licking a stipe up his neck. “Fuck, can’t even stay mad at you, even if you didn’t say you missed me, too.”

“Why, ah, why were you mad?”

“Don’t play dumb. The thought of you sleeping with someone who isn’t me drives me fucking insane, Henry,” Alex confesses as he tightens his hold around Henry’s waist, clutching him against his chest. “I don’t know what it is, but the thought of you writing for him– writing about him– makes me so irrationally angry that I can’t see straight.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” Alex says helplessly, pulling back to look at Henry. He frames his face with gentle hands, his thumb pressing into the freckle that sits on Henry’s cheek. “I don’t know, baby. I’m not like this. I’m never like this. What are you doing to me?”

“Me?” Henry asks incredulously. “What am I doing to you? I am sure it’s the other way around, darling,” Henry says, lifting his hands to clutch at Alex’s wrists.

“Baby. You’ve trapped me. I don’t know what to do with myself when you’re not around. I don’t like it when you’re not around. I feel like I can’t fucking breathe sometimes,” Alex says, helpless.

“I… I don’t know what you want from me,” Henry says truthfully.

“I just… I just want you, Henry,” Alex says.

Henry stops breathing. Pinches himself subtly, wincing slightly as the sting registers. Not dreaming, then. This can’t be real, he thinks to himself. It’s all he has ever wanted, really. It simply can’t be that easy.

“What. What do you mean?”

“I mean, I want it to be just us, Henry,” Alex confesses. “You and me.”

“Just us?”

Henry’s sure he’s died and gone to heaven. Alex is saying everything Henry has ever dreamt of hearing, but there’s a catch. There has to be a catch. These things just don’t happen to Henry.

“Yes, just us. So, what do you say, Fox? Are you mine?”

“Yours…?” Henry trails off, his breath catching in his throat.

“Mine to fuck. I’m not playing around, sweetheart. I’m the only one who gets to see you crying until you’re begging me to come.. I’m the only one who gets to see you cum your brains out on my cock, laughing that gorgeous laugh of yours.”

Henry swallows. There it is. Alex doesn’t want him, doesn’t want the whole thing. He just wants to fuck Henry. To be the only one that fucks Henry. This is going to ruin him forever. 

But he wants it. Needs it. Craves it.

“And in return, you’ll….?” Henry asks, finally giving in to the urge to wipe that lipstick mark off from the hinge of Alex’s jaw with a swipe of his thumb. There. Better.

“In return, I’ll stop sleeping with other people as well, baby. Sounds fair, don’t you think?”

“Sounds fair,” Henry repeats. “Let me have a think.”

“Didn’t know you’d want to think about it, baby,” Alex laughs, but his voice is stretched taut. There’s some tension in it and Henry doesn’t allow himself to dwell over it.

Henry shrugs.

“Alright. Think about it. Can… can we not sleep with other people until you’ve decided, then? Please?”

Henry wants to push it. Wants to ask Alex why he is being like this. Thinks he knows. 

Instead, he nods. 

Alex’s answering grin is blinding. Henry is going to die.

Chapter Text

Alex asking to be exclusive has– simply and  irrevocably– changed his brain chemistry. It is a damn miracle; a blessing. It’s given him the courage to see things that were already there; he is done being in denial. 

Henry might be many things, but he’s not a damn fool. Pez would say that’s debatable. But God, his self-esteem hasn’t been broken down by his devil of a grandmother – no, that’s all Henry.

He didn’t think he’s truly capable of being loved. People might tolerate him, sure. Care for him. Like him, even. Love, though? That had seemed just a bit too far-fetched. Until. 

Until Alex had stormed into his life and proved him wrong. Even if they’re still keeping up the pretence of being casual and all.

He’s been thinking about Alex’s behaviour over the past eight months, thinking about the rules they’d never bothered to stick to despite keeping up appearances, thinking about how Alex has changed his mind about being non-exclusive.

He’s been thinking about the fact that Alex has had no right to be jealous, no matter how much Henry likes to see him get possessive over him like that. He was the one who’d told Henry that he couldn’t agree to this arrangement with him if they were exclusive, and even though it has been eight months since then, it still leaves Henry feeling unnerved.

Eight months is not a short time. They’d started off cold, really. They’d stumble into bed, fuck, and then run out as if the world was ending. They’d avoid meeting in public places because Henry was too afraid of being seen with Alex, too afraid that Alex would leave once he realises people know Henry and it’s for one reason and one reason only. He’d hate to drag Alex into this mess. His reputation? It’s a curse, sometimes. No matter how much he likes being degraded and being put down in the bedroom, he cannot tolerate the whispers that follow him when he walks down the halls. It makes his skin crawl. 

Henry had tried to keep his distance at the beginning, he really had. He’d tried his damned hardest. It still wasn’t good enough. 

The smiles, that’s how it had started. 

A couple of months into their arrangement, Alex—  once he’d come— would bury his face in that place where the curve of Henry’s shoulder met his neck. He’d breathe Henry in, just for a second. Then, instead of rolling away, he’d grin at Henry and kiss his cheek. 

It  felt more intimate than anything they’d ever done.

Henry had started responding in kind. Instead of stumbling out of the bed to trip over his feet in his haste to leave, he’d wind his arms around Alex’s broad shoulders and smile at him softly. He’d lean up to press a kiss against the corner of his mouth before he stretched leisurely and left Alex behind.

Then, it was not just smiles and gentle kisses anymore. The first time Alex had flopped down next to him after three rounds of exquisite sex, Henry’s heart had started pounding faster than it ever had. Alex had laid there in all his glory, panting, looking at Henry with stars in his eyes. Henry had almost told him that he’s been in love with him since he first saw him.

“Tell me something,”Alex had said three months into their arrangement, his voice strained.

“Tell you what?” 

“I dunno, babe. Something real.”

“We don-”

“We don’t do this,” Alex imitated Henry’s accent, and Henry couldn't hold back his smile.

“I do not sound like that, you cretin!”

“Ah!” Alex had moaned, too high pitched to be real. “Yes! Keep talking dirty to me, baby!”

“Shut up, you menace,” Henry hissed, cheeks pink, but he had laughed all the same.

“Well, the menace wants to get to know you. C’mon. Tell me.”

“Alex…”

“Sweetheart, rules are meant to be broken. You know I always do. Get to it. I won’t ask again.”

Henry had been hesitant, but the idea of knowing more about Alex, the thought of finding out who he was as a person pleased him so much that he didn’t care about what happened to his already broken heart.

“Christ. Fine. I chipped my tooth when I was seven because I’d tried learning how to ride a skateboard with Bea. I was bruised for days, too.”

He’d hid his blushing face behind his hands as Alex had laughed, rolling over to face Henry, resting his chin on his fist. He hadn’t touched him. Henry tried hard not to think about it.

“Your turn,” Henry said, voice muffled, face still hidden. “Tell me something embarrassing.”

“Hey, now, I said something real, not something embarrassing.”

“I’m asking for something embarrassing,” Henry insisted, his voice petulant. He was not pouting, absolutely not.

“The first time I got drunk, it was on frozen strawberry daiquiris. I had, like, nine of them in a row when I was fifteen. Had to run out to the house to throw up in the bushes because all the bathrooms were taken. June laughed– hey! And now you’re laughing– Henry, stop laughing at me!”

“Can’t help it,” Henry had giggled.

Then, Alex had rolled over to straddle Henry, pinning his wrists above his head. Henry had stopped laughing in favour of getting fucked silly.

So, sure, the talking had already ruined him for anyone else. The worst part? It had become one of his favourite parts of their routine. Sometimes, rarely, he’d tried getting off quicker, just so he could have Alex’s attention as he asked Henry about his day, about his life. Alex had started sharing things about himself, little tidbits that Henry had held close, had cradled to his chest. Alex was wonderful at fucking Henry, but he was even more wonderful at unearthing little pieces of Henry he’d forgotten even existed after they’d been squashed down by his grandmother. With Alex, Henry breathed a little easier, laughed a little louder. Believed in himself a little more. It wasn’t easy. Hell, it was terrifying. He hadn’t felt this way about anyone, and here Alex was, making him think that maybe being Henry was not the not the most terrible fate known to man. So, no matter how much his heart was breaking, he never dared to put a stop to things with Alex because for the first time in years, Henry had felt truly alive. 

Minutes of talking somehow turned into hours. They’d lay there, side by side, close enough to touch, but never daring to. The warm glow from the lamp always bathed Alex’s skin in that gorgeous golden glow making him look absolutely ethereal, and Henry had never seen a sight that beautiful. Doesn’t know if he ever will again. There were some nights when they would talk until the sun came out, and Henry cherished those especially because they didn’t happen often. They’d never dared to fall asleep together– that was the only rule they’d religiously stuck to. Henry was pleased about it just as much as he’d cursed it. 

Six months in, he understood who Alex Claremont-Diaz was. Look, to other people he was the bloody genius-lacrosse captain-frat president, but to Henry, he was just Alex. The boy who still carried his hurt around, and sometimes, it felt bigger than his body. Henry discovered that Alex still lived in the fear of being abandoned, and he suspected that was the reason he’d never actually, truly dated anyone. The fucking? Henry knew Alex loved that; he didn’t need a reason to do that. He just didn’t get involved in anything serious, and Henry believed that was why Alex had insisted on the non-exclusive fucking when they’d gotten into this.

He also knows that they’re adults, and things change. Feelings change. He’s not stupid. Henry has been noticing this change for months, but he’s never been brave enough to acknowledge it, even to himself. He’s been scared. Fearful. But he’s done feeling sorry for himself. Enough of that bloody nobody-could-ever-love-him bullshit. He’s tired of it. Exhausted beyond belief. Fuck letting Mary rule his life even when she’s not around; he deserves nice things, too. 

He knows somewhere, in the back of his mind, that Alex feels something for him, no matter how much Henry has tried to deny it. It might not be as intense as Henry’s feelings, but there’s something there, and he holds on to it.

Henry was already in love before this whole… thing had started. Now, his feelings have intensified, tenfold. Henry believes– and he really hopes he’s bloody right– that Alex is slowly catching up to him. Look, rationally, there isn’t any other reasonable explanation for Alex to be so aggressively jealous about the people Henry fucks, to be so possessive that he actually utters the words, “you’re mine,” out loud during sex – the way he’s particularly admanant about leaving the bruises of his touch on Henry’s skin when he realises Henry has slept with someone else. If not love, Alex likes him, and that has to be enough. It has to be.

He fears they need to have a conversation; it’s long overdue. Alex mentioned he wants to be the only one who gets to fuck Henry, and Henry knows being exclusive fuckbuddies with Alex might just push him over the edge, but it’s also one step closer to getting Alex right where Henry wants him. He has to be careful, he knows. If he’s too forward, he’s going to scare Alex away, and that’s the last thing he wants. He needs to drop little hints to show Alex that Henry wants something real with him– he doesn’t want them to be nothing anymore. He just. He just has to be extremely bloody cautious about it. Just like Henry, Alex has an affinity for running away. He has to move slowly. Not scare off the wounded animal.

Two months– that’s what Henry gives himself.

Two months of agreeing to be with Alex on his terms, and then Henry will tell him how he feels after dropping those signs. Two months of having Alex in every way he wants before he faces the possibility of losing him forever. They’re so close to getting done with university, and he knows he’s living on borrowed time.

Two months.

Two months, and he’ll have Alex if he’s clever about this. Henry has to play this perfectly. He knows he will.

Henry starts small.

When Alex shows up at his apartment three days after asking to be the only person Henry sleeps with, Henry smiles. He has coffee brewing for him, and he’d gone out of his way to buy Alex some cinnamon to sprinkle in it because he’d noticed that’s how he takes his coffee. Not that they’d ever gotten coffee together. The smile he gets in return makes him grin, too.

Alex takes the cup of coffee from him, their fingers brushing, and Alex blushes. He blushes, and Henry has never seen him like that– so- so bashful. He needs Alex to never stop blushing. Henry suddenly, clearly, understands why Alex says the most outrageous things unyieldingly to watch Henry blush. There’s a soft pink glow spreading over his cheeks, and even though the tone of his skin doesn't make the flush easy to spot, Henry is trained to notice every little single change on his face.

“Thanks, baby,” Alex grins, and Henry wants to kill himself.

Then, Alex sobers up. “Hey, can we talk?”

Henry nods. Alex drums his fingers on the counter, the restless energy bouncing off of him in waves.

“I wanted to apologise,” Alex says. “For the other day. How I reacted when you slept with Liam. Like, that was shitty of you and I hate that it happened, but it was not right, how angry I got at you for sleeping with someone else when I was the one who’d asked you to be non-exclusive in the first place.”

Henry nods, his heart thrumming in an unsteady beat. Good, he thinks. Alex knows he had no right, but what Henry did– even though it’d gotten him exactly what he’d wanted– was not correct, and he’s at fault, too.

“You had no right,” Henry agrees, and he sees Alex wince in embarrassment. “Thank you for apologising. I appreciate it. Alex, what I did was uncalled for, too. I’m sorry for sleeping with your best friend, darling. It was a terrible move on my part.”

“It really was. That was awful, never do that again.”

“I won’t,” Henry promises.

God, he’s never going to sleep with anyone else now that he’s made up his mind.

“Good,” Alex smiles. “Thanks for apologising, sweetheart.”

“How’s… uh… how are things with Liam?” Henry asks, blushing.

“Don’t worry, baby,” Alex laughs. “We’re alright. No ha- well, no major harm done. It’s all chill now. I don’t think he knew about us, so it didn’t feel right to be angry at him for that. He knows now. The thing that’s weird is that once I got over the whole Liam thing, the only thing that bothered me was that you ignored me to fuck him? I hated that, and I never wanted it to happen again. I don’t know, baby. Even though you weren’t doing anything wrong– it felt wrong.”

“Well,” Henry starts, wrapping his hands around his cup of tea so that he can ground himself. “I gave it a thought. Us not sleeping with other people.”

Alex leans forward in interest, eager. “Don’t leave me hanging. And?”

“And I agree, love. I want that, too.”

There’s a glint in Alex’s eye that Henry has spotted several times before, and he can finally put a name to it now that he’s no longer afraid. It’s fondness towards Henry, and Henry’s heart flips in his chest. Actually, screw everything. He’s going to think about it too much. He’s going to read into it. It’s not everyday that the guy you’re in love with and casually sleeping with asks you to stop fucking other people. Henry is going to read the fuck out of this.

“Fucking sweet,” Alex laughs. “Exactly what I wanted to hear, sweetheart. Love that for me.”

Then, he sets his cup of coffee on the counter with too much force to cross the room in three strides, cupping Henry’s face with those obscenely large hands. He smiles, sweeter than molasses. He cages Henry against the counter to kiss him, but they’re both smiling too wide to actually kiss. 

Henry falls deeper in love. Henry thinks: Alex might be falling, too.

After weeks of starting small–after weeks of wooing Alex– Henry decides to take a risk.

It’s been different, being with Alex. Things have gotten much softer, more tender. Sure, when things are intense, things are hard and rough and dirty, but there’s a change. Something has shifted forever, and it makes Henry brave.

So, that night after Alex has thoroughly railed Henry into the mattress, he hesitates just for a second before he shifts closer to throw a leg over Alex’s hip. He wonders if Alex can feel the erratic beat of his heart. Henry’s breathing has picked up a bit and he buries his face in the crook of Alex’s neck so he doesn’t have to watch him react. 

Alex goes stiff. Henry thinks he’s ruined everything.

Then, slowly, tentatively, Alex slides a hand in Henry’s hair to hold him close, and Henry presses his smile into the skin of Alex’s neck. Gives it a little nip, and laughs when Alex shudders.

“Don’t laugh at me,” Alex whines, shifting sideways to wrap an arm around Henry’s shoulder to pull him close. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?”

A beat of silence.

“You know what?” Henry murmurs. “I think I might, love.”

Alex pulls away to cup Henry’s cheek, brushing a thumb over the sharp cut of his cheekbones.

“Yeah?” Alex asks, voice breathy.

“Yeah,” Henry says, and he cringes a little at the way his voice cracks.

Alex’s eyes are like molten lava, so soft, full of embers of fire, and Henry thinks Alex might actually end up killing him one day. 

“Hey,” Henry whispers, nudging their noses together. “Stay?”

“Of course. All you gotta do is ask, baby,” Alex says. Henry laughs.

Alex ducks down to press a quick kiss to Henry’s smile, and then pulls the covers over them. It’s awfully domestic. 

Henry never wants it to stop.

A month into his “deadline,” Henry knows he has to be braver. The hints he’s dropped have been well received so far, and Alex has spent every single night in his bed since he’d done so for the first time thirteen days ago.

Henry wakes up with a mouthful of curls, his face pillowed on Alex’s godawful chest, and even though it makes him want to die, he’d never trade it for the world. Watching Alex’s eyelashes flutter open makes something in his chest flutter, and Henry swears he’ll never tire of the sight. The way Alex slips out of bed after kissing Henry’s temple to make their drinks makes him want to throw up, and he fears he’ll never be able to go back to never having Alex again.

Alex’s clothes are haphazardly thrown in Henry’s laundry basket. There’s a tin of his favourite coffee in Henry’s kitchen. Henry’s notes are strewn across Alex’s room. Alex’s reading glasses sit on Henry’s bedside table. Henry’s cardigan hangs off the back of Alex’s chair. Their lives are intertwining slowly, the pieces bleeding into each other.

It’s a good thing that Henry knows there’s something real brewing between them. He’s never going to let the love of his life go without a damn fight. He doesn’t know where all this bravery is coming from after months of ignoring this- this thing between them, but he thinks Alex asking for exclusivity was the final push he needed. He thanks his stars everyday. 

So, with his heart in his throat, he shoots off a text even if his hands shake.

Alex :)

Hello, love.

I know this isn’t what we do, but someone wise once told me that rules are meant to be broken. Thought I’d follow in his footsteps.

Coffee? This morning? At that cafe on the campus?

oh????

good fucking morning to ME

baby. yes yes yes yes that sounds WONDERFUL

i am in severe need of caffeine why lie

this lecture is KILLING me

i’ll get done in fifteen!!

Alright, darling. Don’t rush. I’ll be waiting.

how can i not when i know my gorgeous boy is waiting for me?

Alex?

yes baby?

Pay attention in class.

this class has nothing on ur face sweetheart

i’d skip it over and over again just to hear u talk

You sure know how to stroke a man’s ego.

i know how to stroke other things too

Behave.

why? u getting hard for me sweetheart?

No.

…

Yes.

aw my baby

alright slipping out of class early i know all this shit anyway

i’m coming ;)

You are a plague and I wish we never met.

did no one teach u lying isn’t good

Maybe I don’t like being good.

oh trust me

i KNOW sweetheart

i’m gonna punish u for this later y’know

for lying to me

God, I hope so.

ur unbelievable 

unbelievably sexy

What can I say?

You’re a bad influence. You’re rubbing off on me.

god i wish i could rub off on u rn

ride ur thigh

ur so sexy have u SEEN ur thighs

great now i want to fuck them

why are u like this???

Excuse me? Why am I like this? When you’re being so- SO indecent?

It’s ten in the morning.

there’s nothing decent about ur thighs babe

obscene as hell

made for me, aren’t they? made for me to fuck them

it’s never too early to thirst over u btw 

the alex-down-bad shop is open 24/7

Stop it right now.

I’m in public, I absolutely cannot get hard.

u can. for me.

the thought of ur thick cock filling up for me… oh god. alex found dead in a ditch

Alex.

no 

alex can’t come to the phone right now

why?

oh! ‘cause he’s dead!

You are so ridiculous. I don’t know why I like you.

Where are you?

idk but i like u too so i love that for me

i’m almost there baby

please i need to fuck u so bad

can we get the fuck outta there i NEED to fuck ur thighs or i’ll DIE

Darling. 

Coffee first.

Don’t make me regret asking you, or else I’ll never do this again.

fuck 

fuck okay u tease

we’ll get coffee 

and then i’ll take u home and fuck u senseless 

maybe get a blindfold? for lying to me earlier?

I never lied.

LIAR u just did it again

okay baby i get it. blindfold it is. u don’t have to be a brat to get it, u can just TELL me 

since i’m such an amazing…

whatever i am

You’re insufferable, that’s what you are.

Please tell me you’re close.

oh i’m close alright…

ahaha i’m kidding i’ll be soon

can’t wait to see u xx

tell me all about ur morning, ‘kay?

Yes. You as well. See you, love x

in a second, baby :) 

The coffee goes so well that it becomes a bi-weekly thing. Henry sits there with a besotted look on his face as he sips on his tea while Alex talks about the most mundane things to have ever existed. Henry has never felt happier.

It feels awfully close to a relationship.

They fuck, and then they roll out of bed to shower together. Sometimes, Alex will even shampoo his hair. Henry scrunches Alex’s curls. They get dressed, side by side, grinning at their reflections in their mirror as they get ready to hit the cafe to get their drinks. With every passing day, the possibility of them actually dating seems more real, and Henry knows it’s just a matter of time before they get there.

Henry, with Pez’s advice, holds his head up high when the whispers begin. As rare as it is, sometimes, when he’s chatting with Alex in the cafe, a man will come up to them to rap his knuckles on the table, raising an eyebrow at Henry, asking him to follow him.

Henry quite hasn’t grasped how to say no after years of just… obeying these men.

Alex does that for him, though. He’ll glare at the men, gaze as sharp as daggers as he tangles his legs with Henry’s below the table. He reaches out a hand to wrap around Henry’s, his jaw clenched.

“Hey, man,” He’ll say, voice strained, posture tense. “Do you mind? We’re in the middle of something.”

Usually, the men back off then, nodding as they smirk at Alex in understanding. It always pisses Alex off more as he swears in Spanish when they turn their backs on them. However, there are times when they don’t get the hint. At times like those, Alex unleashes his possessiveness, and Henry eats that up with a bloody spoon.

“Henry’s here with me,” Alex emphasises, as he frowns, a little menacing. “He’s leaving with me. He’s never going anywhere with anyone else, like, ever, so jot that down, alright? Hell, spread the word, too. And leave us the fuck alone, asshole.”

There are times when Alex will have to get out of his seat, shielding Henry from the men who think they’re entitled to his touch as Alex squeezes his shoulder comfortingly to tower over the men who just can’t take no for an answer. They always scramble away when Alex lets the anger flood his face, and Henry has never been so thankful in his life for anyone except, like, Pez.

It pleases Henry especially when Alex drags him home to cover the pale column of his throat with hickeys that Henry can quite never manage to cover up.

Alex takes Henry to the park.

He buys more snacks than necessary–Jaffa Cakes, too, even if they’re disgusting, Henry –  protesting when Henry offers to pay. Buys him expensive wine. He lets Henry talk about whatever he wants, and smiles at him with stars in his eyes. Alex walks him home, kisses him against the front door, but he doesn’t come in.

It feels awfully like a date. Maybe it had been one.

 Alex :) 

hi baby

good morning :D 

get to class okay?

just made it to MY class

dropped my contacts so had to wear glasses (don’t go too crazy i know u love them)

spilled coffee down my shirt in the cafe

fucking hunter tripped over nothing and bumped into me i swear i’m going to shoot him dead one day how can a man be this STUPID

almost lost a shoe (don’t ask)

this is what happens when u don’t wish me good morning i blame u

hi gorgeous

you feeling okay?

hen 

are we still up for today??

i thought we could go to that restaurant you were talking about yesterday

i looked the the menu, looks like they have a lot of things you’d like

should i pick you up at 7?

baby

you’re worrying me now

it’s eleven in the morning

where are you

went to ur class, u weren’t there apparently?

text me back in thirty minutes or i text pez

twenty

ten

five

that’s it i’m texting pez

so he told me u go into these cocoon phases

and i just have to wait it out

is this similar to when i’d found you during your Dark Day?

baby this is fucking bullshit 

i’m not waiting this out

just how many times have people left you alone when you needed them the most? how many times did you have to cry your eyes out feeling lonely as hell because people were just “waiting it out?”

why did nobody come to you fuck

pez said he’s left the apartment for the day bc that’s what you always want???? does he ask you every single time or does he just leave????

fuck i’m going crazy knowing you’re there feeling like absolute SHIT and what? nobody’s even there???

fuck that

i’m coming over. i’ll get all your favourite snacks. chocolates. my hoodie. that tea you like so much

hold you if you want that

you don’t even have to talk, you don’t even have to LOOK at me but there’s just no way i’m leaving you alone

i’ll sit in the living room for all i care there’s just no way you’re riding this out alone

lmao look at me so worried i’m actually spelling words out

any objections baby? don’t even have to type, send any emoji if you want me to leave you alone and i’ll respect that. (grudgingly.)

Hurry. Please.

i’ll be there before you can even blink baby

i got you sweetheart

Just like the last time, they don’t talk about it.

Alex had shown up that day, and held Henry through the day. The room was dark, the curtains drawn, and they hadn’t talked. They’d laid there as Henry slipped on Alex’s hoodie, his comforting scent grounding. He’d plastered his back against Alex’s chest and revelled in how his arms had wrapped around Henry’s waist so tightly that it’d left faint marks behind.

Alex had made sure that Henry had eaten enough, that he’d drunk enough liquids, and he’d pressed his lips to the back of Henry’s neck in regular intervals to remind him he wasn’t alone.

Words weren’t necessary. Alex’s presence was more than enough.

Henry takes Alex to a football– not soccer, thank you very much– match.

He listens to Alex rant about how much he misses watching games live, so he buys them some tickets. He gets them snacks, and cheers when Alex does. Whenever their team scores a goal, Alex jumps out of his seat to shout in joy, and then kisses Henry in public.

Henry walks Alex home and kisses him against the front door, smiling when he hears Alex’s friends cheering, but he doesn’t go in.

That feels like a date, too. It might be.

Classes get overwhelming. His family is overbearing. Writing is terrible. Henry is overwhelmed. It’s never been this bad before.

So, when Alex knocks on his front door that night, Henry lets him in even though he feels like he’s ran a marathon. His head is full and the thoughts keep jumping from one thing to other, never staying, and he needs to get out of his head, needs the blissful emptiness and the haze of pleasure that settles around him when Alex fucks him, but the thought of that makes him want to crawl out of his skin.

He almost screams.

Alex clocks it immediately. 

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“I need your cock, I need it so bad, but I don’t think I can do anything tonight, Alex,” Henry says, frustrated tears cresting his eyes.

Alex hums as he wraps his arms around Henry to pull him into his embrace. Henry breathes a little easier when he’s surrounded by Alex’s scent.

“That’s alright, sweetheart,” Alex murmurs. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“That’s the thing!” Henry whines. “I want to. I need your cock, but the thoughts of anyone touching my skin right now is terrible, but I need it so bad. Need to get out of my head.”

“Shh,” Alex soothes. “Want me to pull away, sweetheart? Is it too much right now?”

“No!” Henry exclaims, clutching the back of Alex’s shirt in his fists. “No. Don’t.”

“Alright. Shh, alright, baby. I won’t. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I need your cock, Alex, please,” Henry whines, rutting against Alex’s thigh, but the second Alex’s hands slip under Henry’s shirt, he jerks away.

“Can’t. Sorry I can’t,” Henry says, frustrated tears slipping down his cheeks. “I want to, but I can’t.”

“Don’t apologise, baby,” Alex says, maintaining his distance. “Sorry I touched you.”

“Alex,” Henry cries. “Need you, need to get out of my bloody head. It’s driving me insane, please, do something.”

“Baby, do you want me to make you some tea? I’ve perfected it. I can put on Bake Off, yeah? Order some Thai?”

“ No,” Henry protests, aggravated. “Need your cock in me.”

“Sweetheart, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Alex says, and Henry knows he wants to desperately close the distance between them. He won’t. Not if it causes Henry any distress.

“ Please, Alex.”

“Baby, as much as I’d love to do that for you, I don’t think touching you when you can’t stand it is a good idea.”

“What if you didn’t have to?” Henry asks, voice wobbly. 

“What do you mean, sweetheart?”

“Your cock. Feed it to me. Let me keep it warm. You can sit back on the couch, and keep your hands to yourself, spread your legs so they’re not touching me. Please, Alex, I just want to get out of my head.”

“No, baby.”

“Please, please, please, please, need it, need-”

“Henry,” Alex cuts him off, pained. “Sweetheart. No.”

“I’ll let you know if I can’t handle it. I know how to say no. Please, just let me try it? I’m going to do something drastic if I have to think for a single second more.”

“You promise you’ll tell me?”

“When have you been able to force me to do something I don’t want to? Love. I’m going insane here. I promise.”

“Alright,” Alex says softly. “If words feel like they’re too much, two taps on my knee if you want to stop, okay? I’ll keep my jeans on so you don’t have to touch my skin.”

“Perfect. Thank you”

Alex settles on the couch, laying a cushion on the floor. Then, he spreads his legs as wide as he can, pulling his cock out. He clenches his fists, and sets them on the sofa.

“Look how hard you’ve gotten me with all that begging, gorgeous,” Alex says, voice careful. “Have at it, sweetheart.”

This has to work, it has to, otherwise Henry is going to scream bloody murder.

He settles down on the floor, knees cushioned by the pillow that’s lying here. He wipes away his tears, with shaky hands, looking at Alex. His eyes are soft, worried, and Henry lets the warmth in them ground him. He leans forward, hands on the couch, careful not to touch Alex’s skin. Then, slowly, he licks the head of Alex’s cock, and the second he tastes that bitter tang on his tongue, his shoulders slump down, the tension draining out.

He takes Alex in his mouth, bit by bit, eyes never straying away. Alex is so beautiful like this, and the warm weight of his dick on Henry’s tongue finally has his brain going quiet. He whimpers in relief, nodding a little when Alex asks him if he’s okay, and then he closes his eyes as he swallows Alex down to the hilt. He rests his chin on the fabric of his jeans, soft from being washed so many times, and he hums in satisfaction.

He feels Alex shifting, and a second later, the comforting drone of the voices from the TV surround him. Alex has put Bake Off on because that’s Henry’s comfort show. He would’ve smiled if his mouth wasn’t full. 

“Take whatever you need, baby,” Alex encourages. 

Henry kneels there, head feeling like it’s full of cotton wool, drifting away. He doesn’t know how long he spends on his knees. His mouth is full of cock, his head empty. It’s exactly what he’d needed. He doesn’t move, doesn’t hollow his cheeks, or even swirl his tongue teasingly. He just. He just sits there, and revels in how blissfully quiet everything’s gotten.

Once he feels more human, more alert, less icky, he reaches out to wrap a hand over Alex’s wrist, tugging it so that it rests in Henry’s hair.

“Fuck your mouth?” Alex asks.

Henry whines.

“That’s a no. Play with your hair?”

Henry nods a little, taking Alex deeper when he cards his fingers through Henry’s hair. He lets the repeated movement soothe him, and he thinks he even kips off for a bit, comforted by Alex’s presence. He’s never felt so goddamn safe before. He trusts Alex with his everything, and that should be terrifying, but it isn’t. He knows Alex is going to take care of him.

He thinks Alex pulls him off after a bit. Doesn’t notice. He just knows he wakes up in his pyjamas, well-rested, snuggled in his bed.

Bloody Alex Claremont-Diaz, always giving Henry what he exactly needs.

There’s a thing Alex does, Henry’s noticed. 

He hasn’t known Alex for long, not in the ways that actually matter, but Henry feels like he’s been granted the ability to see the parts of Alex nobody has ever had the privilege of seeing before. Been given permission. He knows that he’s probably being delusional, but he feels Alex giving himself away to Henry bit by bit with every press of his lips against Henry’s, with every whispered sigh.

There’s a thing Alex does. Henry doesn’t remember when it first caught his attention, really. He just remembers not being able to stop noticing it once he’d started to. How it drives him absolutely mad. How it sets something in his chest ablaze.

There’s this thing Alex does. Henry doesn’t know if Alex even realises how he sets Henry’s world on fire when he lifts a hand to cup the side of Henry’s jaw, pressing his thumb into the freckle that Henry knows sits on the apple of his cheek. Every time, without fail, Alex smiles down at him softly as he thumbs at that freckle right before he kisses Henry like it means something. Like they mean something.

Every time, Henry lets himself believe that it does. Like they do. Just for a second, he’ll let himself believe that the fingertips that brush his skin reverently mean something, that Alex touches him just for the sake of touching him—like he can’t help it. That he touches Henry because he’s fixated on that damn freckle that Henry’s hated ever since he was young because his grandmother thought it marred his perfect skin. Every time he pulls away after kissing Henry for the first time that day, Alex’s eyes go all molten and he leans in again slowly. He kisses that freckle on Henry’s cheek, letting his lips linger for a second longer than necessary. Every bloody time.

Henry doesn’t know what it means. Henry knows that he wants it to mean.

Feels like he might be ill when he realises that the possibility of it meaning what he wants it to mean might actually be a reality.

So, Alex might love Henry back. 

Two months, he’d promised himself.

Three days until his time is up. Three days. He’s going to do something drastic.

Alex :)

baby

remember how you're meeting my friends

this is a test ok

can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars

What?

god i forget ur such a GRANDPA sometimes

here

this is ur culture too

[video.mp4]

What am I going to do with you?

understand my references hopefully 

ok do over.

Alex.

no idc i’m in a silly little mood and ur gonna indulge me 

…Fine.

baby

Yes, dear?

can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars

I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now.

That was painful.

and u still did it

u must love me or smth

Lies and slander.

now give me ur tik tok @ 

ur not going to humiliate me in front of my friends like this

ur gonna watch the shit i send u and you’re gonna understand my references

ur gonna laugh when i say quote vines/tik toks instead of standing there all confused

Is this a threat?

yes u idiot my reputation is on the line here

i mean it baby i’m taking u to that party WITH me it’s different all of us are chronically online so u have to pretend to understand what i’m saying

Is it too late to back out?

yes asshole

everyone knows ur coming with ME

as our lord and saviour once said

i beg u don’t embarrass me motherfucker

Wait, I think I know that one.

PROGRESS!!!

just u wait we’re going to be the dream team baby

nobody’s got anything on us

I regret this already.

no u don’t 

u don’t regret anything with me

…right?

Yes, love. I don’t.

:D 

Alex :)

u wouldn’t BELIEVE the day i’ve had today

What happened, love?

just be grateful u don’t have to deal with fucking HUNTER

that man

they should put him in a fucking museum 

had to babysit his ass instead of working on the GROUP project bc he doesn’t know a single fucking thing and i had to do my part AND his

daddy’s money got him here but i fear he’s never leaving 

baby that just pissed me OFF he’s so dumb

i want him dead

I’ll get the gun.

I know a place where we can bury the body.

marry me.

Ask me again in five years.

Alex :) 

something life-altering is going to happen tomorrow

i just know it

Ominous.

love to keep u on ur toes baby

It certainly keeps things interesting.

just how i like it!!

It’s a coincidence. 

Both of them show up with flowers for the other.

It’s the last day of Henry’s self-imposed deadline, so he nips to the florists to get Alex a bouquet of absolutely gorgeous flowers if he says so himself, and he almost drops them in surprise when he finds Alex leaning against Henry’s front door, a bouquet in his hands, too. 

It’s large enough to almost obscure Alex’s face, only his eyes visible, and despite how quick Henry’s heart has begun to beat, he can’t tramp down the grin that spreads over his face. He watches Alex’s eyes crinkle as well, and he swears this is the happiest he’s felt in a while.

“What’s this?” Henry asks, still grinning.

“See, they’re called flowers, sweetheart. Doesn’t seem like they’re a foreign concept to you, considering that you’re holding some.”

“Cheeky,” Henry smiles. 

“You love me,” Alex says. Henry hums.

God, Henry really does.

“Alright, darling” Henry starts. “Step away. Let me get the door open. The flowers ought to be heavy.”

“Ought to be,” Alex mimics, and as much as Henry loves the flowers, he wishes he could see Alex’s smile.

They make their way into the kitchen, setting the bouquets on the counter. They stare at them for a beat. Then, Alex starts giggling, and that sets Henry off, too.

“You got me flowers,” Alex laughs giddily, sliding an arm around Henry’s waist to hold him close.

“You got me flowers,” Henry retorts, gigging, as he hides his face in the crook of Alex’s neck.

“I had to, baby,” Alex says, squeezing his waist. “You see, I had this enlightening conversation with Pez.”

“Oh God,” Henry groans in embarrassment, smiling when he feels Alex rumble with laughter. “What did he say?”

Alex runs his hand over Henry’s spine, and pulls him closer with a hand at the small of his back. Presses a kiss to Henry’s head.

“He mentioned something about you wanting these last two months with me. Swear my heart dropped out of my ass, sweetheart. Never scare me like that again. But he was also very cryptic and mentioned that things could go either way depending on how I react, and that got me thinking.”

Alex pulls away then, eyes soft. He cups Henry’s cheeks with gentle hands, framing his face. Kisses his brow.

“It got me thinking, and I started noticing all the things you do for me. You’ve been trying to woo me, haven’t you, sweetheart? You make my coffee exactly how I like it, you remind me to take breaks when I get too into the zone, you feed me, remind me to drink water because I always forget, you come to all my games even though you hate them, you ask to spend more time with me, you ask me questions, and you just. You want to know me, baby. You want to know me and it doesn’t want to make you want to run away, does it? If anything, it makes you want to stay.”

Alex’s eyes are tearing up, and so are Henry’s, but he nods frantically as he raises his hands to clutch at Alex's wrists as if they’re his lifeline.

“I’ll always want to stay, Alex. I’ve seen you. I know you.”

I love you.

“Henry,” Alex murmurs. “I’m fucking terrified. You know how my parents’ marriage was. A fuckin’ shitshow. It destroyed the idea of love for me. I thought nobody is ever truly happy when they’re with someone. And then, my dad abandoned me, and that just solidified everything. I thought. I thought if I never let anyone get close to me, I could never lose them. I thought that if I leave every time I get close to someone, I’d never get left. I’m too much, and when people get to know me, I’m always scared they’re going to leave. I don’t let anyone get close to me. My sister is all I have, Hen. Her, and Nora, and Liam, but that’s it.”

Alex’s thumbs are pressing into the apple of Henry’s cheeks harder, and he pulls him in to rest their foreheads together. When he speaks, his voice cracks, and Henry tightens his hold on him, swiping the pad of his thumbs over the delicate skin of Alex’s wrists. 

“That was it, baby, until you came into my life. Look, sweetheart, ever since I was thirteen, I never loosened up enough to let anyone take care of me. I thought that I had to be strong. Cold. Rigid. People weren’t allowed to see me. The thought of that was so scary that I built my walls up high. You were, though– allowed to see me, that is. There’s something about you that made me feel so- so fucking safe, baby, and I’d never felt that before.”

Alex takes a deep breath, and looks at Henry, just for a second.

“I realised I’d never felt like this, ever, right around the time around the time we came up with our rules. I don’t know what it was, but we’d spent that first night together and I’d tried to push you out of my mind so hard because I knew there was something special about you, right from the second I’d laid my eyes on you. I’d succeeded, too. Got you out of my head, sweetheart, until I had to watch some man grind all over you across the club, and then everything came rushing back in, and I knew I was done for, baby.”

He laughs wetly, and Henry tilts his head to give Alex a quick kiss. Alex smiles.

“I realised I wanted you, but the idea was so terrifying that I had to ask you if we could sleep with other people. Call it a shitty attempt at self-preservation. Or self-sabotage, you pick. I spent nights with countless people, trying not to think about you. I started texting other people as soon as I was done fucking you because I just could not see that gorgeous smile of yours spread over your face as you lay there, content. Then, slowly, things started changing. We got talking, and I saw that we were perfect for each other, and fuck that was scarier...”

“I’m listening, darling,” Henry says, giving Alex a reassuring smile when he trails off.

Alex looks scared, still, like him talking so much is an inconvenience, like Henry wouldn’t spend forever listening to every word that spills from his lips. Alex nods then, the pinch from between his eyebrows smoothening. 

“Even though knowing that you fuck other people was hard, I just. I just couldn’t ask you to stop because fuck, that meant that I just didn’t want your body, did I? It meant I wanted you as a person, wanted who you are. And I’ve been wanting that for a while, baby. I thought if I didn’t acknowledge it, it wouldn’t be real. That I could continue to fuck you while ignoring just how badly I wanted to call you mine. There were bleeds. God, of course, there were. The times when I was fucking you, I used you dream that you were mine and I couldn’t stop saying it once I started, and you started saying it back, and it was like the perfect fantasy was coming to life. It was like you were mine without being mine, without the commitment, and that wasn’t as terrifying.”

“But then you disappeared with Liam, and I know how amazing of a guy he is, and I thought… I thought what if you wanted him? You’d leave me behind without me acknowledging how I really feel, and without you knowing how much I wished you were mine. So, I asked you to be exclusive fuckbuddies because that was less terrifying than asking you to be mine. I thought it was a step closer. It was like dating without actually giving it a label, so it was less daunting. And then, everything changed. You asked me to stay, baby. That night, you asked me to stay, not in just your bed, but in your life, and by that point you knew me.”

“I knew you,” Henry repeats, dazed.

“You did. You do. You’ve seen all the parts of me, the good, the bad, the ugly, and you stayed. You asked me to stay. My abandonment issues don’t scare you away, you never think I am too much, you don’t get mad when I forget to take care of myself when I focus too much on my coursework– no, you take care of me. You see me, Hen. We started going on those… dates, even if we didn’t call it that, and I saw a future with you, sweetheart. I realised I wasn’t scared of you abandoning me anymore because when I woke up next to you, I thought about us thirty years down the line, married with a child and a fucking dog.”

Henry can hear the blood rushing in his fucking ears, and he fears that he’s dreaming. God, he’s wanted this for so long, and he’s so close to getting it. He wants to reach out with both hands and grab it, but he has to be patient. He will be.

“I told myself, baby, that no matter how much I wanted you, how safe you made me feel, I could never fall in love with you. And then, I fell in love with you, anyway.”

Henry’s breath hitches, and his grip over Alex’s wrists tightens so much that he thinks he’s cut off the blood flow. He can’t be arsed to give a fuck about it. His heart is going to leap out of his chest because the words he’s longed to hear are finally out there in the open.

Alex laughs, resting their foreheads together. When he speaks, their lips brush, and Henry stops breathing.

“I love you,” Alex murmurs reverently. “God, I fucking love you, baby. I’m in love with you. Please. Have me if you want me.”

“If I want you?” Henry laughs incredulously. “'When have I ever, since the first instant that I touched you, pretended to be anything less than in love with you?”

“Well-,” Alex starts to say, a teasing grin on his face, but Henry cuts him off.

“Fine. Demon,” Henry mutters. “Alex, I have wanted you since I laid my eyes on you at a party three years ago. Want you? God, I want you so bad it makes me want to die.”

“Don’t die, asshole,” Alex pleads with a watery laugh. “I love you, and now that I might actually have you, I need you very much alive, sweetheart.”

“I’m in love with you,” Henry says softly, leaning into Alex. “You’re a plague and a menace, and I love you.”

Alex laughs, teary.

“So…” Alex starts. “Will you, Henry Fox, the absolute love of my life, make me the happiest man alive and be my boyfriend?”

Henry hums as he pretends to think, and Alex smacks him on his arse.

“Kiss me, asshole.”

And, well, Henry leans in to kiss his boyfriend breathless.

It’s soft, and tender, and Henry feels like every broken part of him is being pieced back together under Alex’s careful hands, with every press of his lips, and Henry has to pull away because he can’t stop smiling.

“So, boyfriend?” Henry asks.

“Yes, boyfriend?”

“I fear we still have a couple of things to talk about. Me. We need to talk about me.”

“Yes, baby? What’s on your mind?”

Henry pulls away a little, but Alex pulls him back in. He shakes his head fondly.

“I figure if we’re going to do this, be boyfriends and all, you should know a bit more about me. I know you already do, I just need to put it out there so we know what we’re getting into.”

Alex nods. He pulls Henry towards the couch and plops down, pulling Henry into his lap. Henry tucks his back against the arm of the couch as he snuggles into Alex’s touch, content.

“Alright, boyfriend,” Alex says with a shit-eating grin on his face. “I’m ready. Hit me.”

“You already know about my Dark Days. You’ve helped me get through them several times-”

“And I’d do it again!” Alex exclaims.

“Yes, dear. I appreciate that. You’ve held me through them. Hell, you’ve given me a shower. Sometimes, these can go on for weeks, and I just want you to know what you’re getting into. It’s not easy. I get snappy. I might yell at you to leave me alone. I just want you to remember that no matter what happens, I love you, alright? I love you.”

“I love you, too, baby. More than anything. You have me, and no matter how much you try to push me away, I’m still going to be here, now that I know you love me. You know what, thank you for trusting me to take care of you during these days. It can’t be easy, and I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you,” Henry smiles, snuggling closer. “There are other things. Sometimes, I shut down instead of communicating. I run away. I’ve briefly told you about my grandma, and I’ll tell you all about her one day, just not today. I want you to know she has really done a number on me, and I… I often believe I don’t deserve good things. It’s a work in progress, but with Pez’s help-”

“And now mine, sweetheart.”

“And yours,” Henry kisses Alex. “With both your help, I’m getting there. I think… I think I do deserve good things, no matter what she’s said to me.”

“You do, baby. You deserve the fucking world, and best belive I’m going to give you it. I’m going to be the best boyfriend in the history of boyfriends.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Henry laughs. “I just… want you to know what to expect, I guess.”

“Baby,” Alex says. “This communication thing? It’s easy. Now that we’ve started talking, I think we’re going to be great at it. No more mind games, no more secrets, okay? We’re going to ace this relationship thing. We’re going to be the best couple the world has ever seen!”

“Does everything have to be a competition with you?” Henry asks, and it sounds fond, even to his ears.

“Have you met me?”

“Fair enough,” Henry says. “So. The flowers,” 

“The flowers,” Alex laughs.

“I never gave you yours,” Henry pouts.

“And I never gave you yours,” Alex says, kissing the pout off his face.

Henry tries getting up from Alex’s lap, but the arms around his waist tighten, and then, he’s stuck in place.

“Alex!” Henry exclaims as he struggles, trying to get free. “Let me go! I need to give you your flowers!”

“Oh my God, baby, stop squirming on my dick!”

“Alex, love,” Henry laughs hysterically as he squirms. “There’s a bouquet calling out your name.”

“Yeah, and if you keep this up, my cock will start calling out yours,” Alex mutters, sliding his arms below Henry’s knee to lift him up a bit so that he’s not pressed against Alex’s crotch anymore.

Then, Alex stands up effortlessly, and carries Henry to the kitchen. Henry thinks, not for the first time, that he’s going to die. That’s so hot. Why is that so hot?

When Alex places him on the counter, right between the bouquets, he’s breathless. Alex smirks as he notices. Alex kisses him on that damn freckle when Henry locks his legs around Alex’s waist so he can’t stray further.

“You’re going to kill me,” Henry says.

“Won’t,” Alex argues, a bit petulant. “Love you too much.”

Henry doesn’t think he’s actually stopped grinning in the past hour. Then, he picks up the bouquet, leaning back a bit to accommodate in the barely-there space between them.

“I got these for you,” Henry smiles shyly. “I was going to give you them and tell you I have loved you for three summers now. Tell you I want them all.”

“You fucker,” Alex exclaims gleefully. “Are you quoting Taylor Swift to me?”

“The opportunity was right there!” Henry defends, knowing his face is heating up. “I had to take it!”

Alex laughs, kissing Henry quickly. “You’re a fucking nerd and I love you. Thank you for the flowers, they’re gorgeous.”

“I love you, too. You deserve good things, love.”

“You do, too. My turn now!”

Then Alex presents the comically large bouquet to Henry and he has to stifle his whine of disappointment when Alex moves away.

“Got you these for when I was going to tell you I love you,” Alex grins. “You look so cute, baby. Can’t even see all of your face.”

“Thank you,” Henry says, setting the bouquet aside after taking a whiff of the flowers to wrap his arms around his boyfriend again. “I love them.”

“And I love you. I’m never going to get tired of saying it.”

“Love you. Me either. Now. Onto the important things. I need to take you on our first official date.”

“Ooh, boyfriends before the first date? How scandalous!”

“Why do I like you again?” Henry asked, exasperated.

“You don’t,” Alex says. “You love me.”

“I do,” Henry smiles, leaning in to kiss his boyfriend. He’s planning on doing absolutely filthy things to him.

Then, the front door slams open, and Henry pulls back. Alex doesn’t move away from where he’s pressed against Henry, hands pressed against the divot of Henry’s hips. Pez strolls in, David in his arms, and Henry groans as he hides his face in Alex’s chest. Pez is going to be insufferable. He can hear Alex laugh as he pulls Henry close, setting his chin on Henry’s head.

“Doth my eyes deceive me?” Pez asks, voice too high pitched to be actually shocked. “Did it finally happen?”

He sets David on the floor, and he runs over to Henry, pawing at his legs. Alex bends down to set him in Henry’s lap, giving his head a scratch as his other hand rests on the small of Henry’s back.

“Pez,” Henry says. “Hello.”

“I wasn’t aware we were opening a flower shop, dove. Have you found your true calling? Floristry?”

Pez is beaming as he walks into the kitchen, bending down to set an elbow on the counter so he can rest his chin on his fist. His eyes are twinkling, and despite the embarrassment, Henry grins back.

“Pays well,” Alex nods. “It’s a family owned business.”

“Family owned! ” Pez repeats, eyes snapping over to Henry to grin at him. “Tell me more immediately.”

“Yeah,” Henry nods. “Might open one with my boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend !” Pez screeches in delight.

Before Henry has a chance to even react, his best friend has pushed Alex out of the way to wrap his arms around Henry as he kisses his cheek. He hears Alex laughing in the background, the sound drowned by his own giggles. David joins in, licking Henry’s cheek, and if he died right now, he’d be the happiest man ever alive.

“Hazza!” Pez exclaims as he pulls back to grip his shoulders. “I am ecstatic for you!”

Henry smiles softly, feeling his eyes tear up. God, he’d be nothing without this man.

“Hey,” Henry says. “I know what you did. Thank you, mate.”

“Anything for my darling husband,” Pez nods seriously, and Alex laughs harder.

Then, he smacks a kiss over Henry’s forehead, as he exits the kitchen, walking backwards. He winks at them, and says, “Now. I’m going to take a very long walk. Maybe even crash at the absolutely gorgeous June’s. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“That doesn’t leave much,” Henry laughs.

“My point exactly,” Pez laughs as he wiggles his eyebrows, slamming the front door shut behind him.

Then, Alex is in his space again. He sets David down on the floor gently, and leans in. 

Says, “Well. You heard the man, boyfriend. Wanna fuck?”

“You are so romantic.”

“That wasn’t a no,” Alex teases.

“No,” Henry agrees. “It wasn’t. Fuck me, darling.”

And well, Alex does. Alex fucks him right on the counter as Henry’s laid back between the flowers, and Henry thinks: Maybe this is romantic, after all.

Chapter Text

two years later;

When Henry comes to, the first thing he notices is the ache he feels, right down to his damn bones.

He stirs slightly, still hazy with sleep. There’s a comforting weight draped over his back, so close they’re almost one, and he can feel the harsh breaths his boyfriend lets out against the crook of his neck.

Henry’s on his stomach, cheek pressed to his folded arms, and he feels himself whine when he realises that Alex is pulling him closer, sliding an arm around his waist, a hand pressed to his stomach. The drag of his cock against the sheets as Alex leisurely moves his hips is too much, and that’s what he realises that Alex has been fucking him since before he woke up, slow and deep.

He whines.

“Good morning, baby,” Alex murmurs, the pressure on Henry’s stomach increasing.

“Mhm, mornin’,” Henry moans, pushing down so he can rut against the mattress.

He feels like he’s been lit up from the inside, and the fact that he doesn’t know when Alex had entered him is so hot that he has to bite his lip to choke down a mewl. His thighs are slick, wet, and the way Alex’s cock slides into him too easily is suspicious, and the pace is unhurried, and it can only mean one thing.

He moans when he realises just exactly why that is and he turns his head to kiss Alex breathless as he gasps into his mouth. Alex laughs against Henry’s lips.

“Did you finally realise I’ve already come once, sweetheart?” Alex asks, and Henry can picture the smirk that must be playing on his lips. “Do you know you have, too?”

Well, that explains the oversensitivity. The press of Alex’s cock against that sweet spot inside him is too much, it hurts, he’s burning with overstimulation because he’s sure Alex has been at this for a while, but it’s perfect. God, how can it not be?

“Alex,” Henry cries as Alex as Alex grinds his hips forward, going as deep as he can go. It’s the sweetest torture. 

Alex grunts, low in his throat as Henry clenches around him — it’s a low, little thing, but it affects Henry all the same. Alex buries his face in Henry’s neck, his curls tickling the side of his face. Alex’s movements are unhurried, languid, as he mouths his way over the column of Henry’s neck, sucking bruises into the skin. It’s a thing for both of them; something possessive in them satiated with every nip of the teeth.

Alex increases the pace then, barely. He’s still grinding, his thrusts deep, and Henry feels the heat pooling in his stomach. Every nerve in his being is set alight, and Alex’s warmth against him has sweat sheening his skin.

Henry’s breath stutters as he breathes out a groan at a particularly slow thrust. He presses his forehead into the pillow, unsteady. God, it is too much, too much, too much, but he wants more, he needs more. Alex’s teeth are sharp, but the way his hand strokes Henry’s skin is so, so soft.

“You sound so gorgeous for me, baby,” Alex says. “All mine, aren’t you?”

“Fuck,” Henry whines, pushing back, working against Alex’s thrusts. “Faster.”

“Tell me you’re mine,” Alex demands, stilling his movements. “Come on, baby, I’ll fuck you so good if you tell me you’re mine.”

“Yours,” Henry promises, and Alex runs his hand over his torso to pinch Henry’s nipple in reward. He starts moving again, and he’s so gentle that Henry wants to push Alex on his back so he can’t just take what he wants.

“Easy, baby.”

The term of endearment has Henry melting into his touch, his spine liquefying. He pushes his chest into Alex’s hands to urge him to do something. Alex is too relaxed, too soft, and Henry needs him to hurry up so he can get fucked good and proper.

“Don’t be a brat,” Alex chides as he takes his hands away. “Take what I give you, or you can get yourself off. Alone.”

“No!” Henry cries in distress, his eyes tearing up. “No, I’ll be good. I promise. So good, please don’t go anywhere.”

“I know, sweetheart,” Alex says, setting a slow, dirty pace as he runs a gentle hand over Henry’s waist. “You always are. You’re always so good for me, aren’t you?”

“Yes! For you, only you, always you!”

“Damn right you are,” Alex murmurs, pressing his lips to the hinge of Henry’s jaw. “My baby.”

“I am!” Henry wails, the baby affecting him more than it should. “Alex, please.”

“Yes, you are. Hey,” Alex murmurs. “Did you know?”

“Did I know what ?” Henry asks with more force than necessary, the frustrated tears threatening to slip out.

Alex cannot possibly want to talk right now.

Alex stops his movements then, and Henry almost shouts in disappointment as he clenches around him. “What the fuck ? Alex why the bloody hell did you stop ?”

“Did you know,” Alex repeats, his voice a soft murmur as he leans down to press a trail of kisses down Henry’s back. “Your spine's a ridge I'd die climbing.”

Henry lets out an unintelligible noise, half a whine and half a groan. “Alex?”

Alex pulls out then, flipping Henry onto his back. He doesn’t give Henry any time to whine in disappointment before he’s slipping back in, sliding home with a single thrust. Alex doesn’t move. He flops down, Henry’s head bracketed by Alex’s arms as he rests their foreheads together. The amount of adoration shining in them has tears spilling from Henry’s eyes, and he doesn’t even care about the fact that Alex has stilled his movements in favour of listening to him.

“Shh, I know you’re the writer. But I tried. Just listen, alright?”

How can he when he’s so full of Alex, the warmth of him a delicious torture? He tries his damned hardest as he nods, making Alex grin. He lifts Henry up a little to slide an arm under his shoulder to pull him close and that has Henry’s head thudding back against his pillow. Alex laughs as he starts moving again, but the pace is still unhurried. Soft. Like he wants to drag this out. Like he wants to make it last. Henry is more than happy to oblige, even though it’s not what he wants.

“Listen, baby. Your spine’s a ridge I’d die climbing. If I could, I’d spread you on my desk. I’ve memorised the touch of you, the feel of you.”

There’s a kiss pressed to his brow, his cheeks. Alex’s lips linger over the freckle he’s so obsessed with, and Henry is so in love he could actually pass the fuck away.

“Topography on the map of you, a world I’m still charting. I know it. I added it to the key. Here: inches to miles. I can multiply it out, read your latitude and longitude. Recite your coordinates like La Rosaria.”

The words are murmured against his lips, their breaths hot as they mingle in the barely-there space between them. Henry’s face is wet from all the crying, but Alex wipes the tears away with a careful hand, kissing him softly. Henry notes that his hands are shaky, too.

“On the map of you,” Alex continues, voice thick with unshed tears. “My fingers can always find the green hills, baby. Cool waters and a shore of white chalk. The ancient part of you carved out of stone in a prayerful circle, sacrosanct. Your spine is a ridge I’d die climbing.”

They’re both crying now, and Henry thinks this is it ; he’s never going to love anyone like he loves Alex.

“If I could spread it out on my desk, I’d find the corner of your mouth where it pinches with my fingers, and I’d smooth it away, and you’d be marked with the name of saints like all the old maps. I get the nomenclature now— saints’ names belong to miracles.”

Then, Alex kisses him, kisses him, and kisses him, his tongue sliding into Henry’s mouth. He’s so soft under Henry’s fingertips— so soft, and warm, and alive, and God, he’s all Henry’s.

Henry gasps when Alex pulls away, and Henry cups his face, his fingers framing Alex’s perfect face with more care than he thought he’d ever be capable of. 

“Henry, you,” Alex emphasises. “Are my miracle.”

“I love you,” Henry says forcibly, his voice reverent, wobbly with tears. “I love you, you insane man. I love you, you hear me?”

“Marry me,” Alex begs. “God, baby, please, marry me? I swear, I’ll make you the happiest man on the Earth. Let’s get married.”

“You already do,” Henry laughs wetly. “I am the happiest man on Earth.”

Alex slides a hand under Henry’s neck, his grip tight. He kisses Henry, syrupy sweet.

“Baby, my heart is fucking pounding,” Alex laughs, a little self-conscious. “You still haven’t given me an answer.”

“Alex,” Henry says fondly, his smile too big for his face. “If you think my answer is going to be anything other than a yes, you’re more insane than I thought.”

“Yes?” Alex asks, and Henry just has to dig his thumb into the dimple that’s carved into Alex’s skin.

“God, yes, darling. I love you. Let’s get married.”

“Married,” Alex repeats, his voice filled with a child-like wonder.

“Yes,” Henry nods rapidly, the hair flopping into his eyes. Alex brushes it away. “I want a ring, though.”

Alex laughs, exasperated. “I have one. It’s in the sock drawer. You can have it once I’m done making love to you.”

“I said that one time!” Henry cries in indignation. Then, “You do?”

“What do you think? That I haven’t thought this over? That I was being impulsive? That I haven't dreamt about marrying you every night I’ve slept next to you? This isn’t how I planned on doing it, but you’re it for me, baby.”

He’s feeling more emotions than he ever has in his life, and it’s too much, and it’s not enough, and it leaves Henry speechless, so he says the only thing he’s capable of.

“Make love to me, fiancé,” Henry says, his lips ticking up.

“Whatever you want, fiancé,” Alex promises.

Alex kisses him with too much tongue, and then starts moving again, and it’s a wonder that they’re both still hard. Henry wraps his arms around Alex’s shoulders, eliminating the space between them. He wants to pull Alex closer which isn’t physically possible, he wants to climb inside Alex and cradle himself between the ridges of his ribs.

“Alex, please. Fuck me. Give me what I want. You’re the only one who can. I’ve waited long enough.”

That has Alex straightening up and rising on his knees. He wraps his hands around Henry’s hips, his fingers pressed tight against the divots of Henry’s waist. Henry knows he’s said exactly what Alex wants to hear, and now, he’s going to get what he wants.

Alex pulls him off the mattress, grip tight, and then he starts pounding into Henry, snapping his hips fast and dirty. He’s hitting that spot inside Henry with every thrust, lighting him up from inside perfectly, and there’s heat pooling at the base of his spine and he’s close, he’s so close, but. 

“Say it,” Henry mumbles. “Please.”

Alex knows.

“Baby,” Alex breathes, setting a brutal pace. Henry has no time to breathe before Alex wraps a hand around his throat, fingers squeezing as he holds Henry down, snapping his hips. 

The fact that this feels different every time is so wondrous, and Henry doesn’t want this with anyone else, ever. This thing between them? It has ruined him for anyone else, no matter how it had started. 

Alex presses his fingers to where they’re connected, whispering about how he’s the only one who can make Henry feel like this, how Henry is the only one who makes Alex feel like this, and when he feels Alex come, painting his insides, he follows with a breathless laugh. He’d follow Alex anywhere, he thinks deliriously.

Over the past two years, things have changed drastically. Henry should hope so. His life is so different from what it’d been like back then that it still gives him a whiplash.

It wasn’t a surprise when they’d found out that their friend groups mixed well. Pez had gotten along with June and Nora like a house on bloody fire, and there’s something going on there that Henry absolutely cannot afford to think about for the sake of his sanity. Alex joins in when Pez teases Henry, even going as far as joking about how he’s the other woman because Henry is married to Pez, but his grip on Henry’s thigh never loosens.

They’re meeting their friends at the pub that night, and as Henry messes about with his hair, he hears Alex whine about he doesn’t know what to wear because they’re announcing their engagement and he wants it to be perfect. Henry cannot wait to marry that man.

“Love,” Henry laughs. “Wear that black shirt. Don’t do up the first two buttons.”

“You’re a lifesaver,” Alex sighs, his voice muffled. “This is why I’m marrying you.”

Just like when they’d never stopped talking about becoming boyfriends, they don’t stop talking about the fact that they’re going to get married. Henry is a little obsessed with them.

“You’re marrying me because I help you decide what to wear?” 

He’s being deliberately obtuse, and nothing can wipe the smile off of his face.

“I’m marrying you because you make everything seem so easy,” Alex corrects. “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me; you know I had to put a ring on it.”

“I’m glad you did. Didn’t want to risk anyone whisking me away, huh?” 

He’s teasing. Still, Alex pokes his head out of the bathroom, his hair a mess. He’s pouting, eyes wide.

“Don’t even joke about that” Alex exclaims, and Henry giggles.

“Baby!” Alex whines, scandalised. “Stop laughing, this is serious.”

Henry walks over to his fiancé to wrap his arms around him. Snuggles his face in the crook of his neck.

“I love you,” Henry says. “Nobody can ever whisk me away, darling, no matter how much they want to.”

“And people want to,” Alex grumbles, running an absent hand down Henry’s spine. “Trust me, I’ve seen the look on their faces. Assholes.”

“I’m yours,” Henry promises. “I don’t want anyone else.”

“Good, keep it that way.”

“I will,” Henry smiles. “Gladly.”

Then.

“Oh,” Henry breathes, widening his eyes in surprise. “Fuck.”

“What?”

“Your ring,” Henry says, already backing away. “I forgot to give you your ring.”

“My ring?” Alex asks, and Henry can see how the breath catches in his throat.

“Yes, love,” Henry teases. “You didn’t think you were the only one who dreamt of getting married, were you?”

“Maybe?”

“Alex,” Henry grins. “You are the absolute love of my life, and I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Fuck, you’re perfect.”

“No, you are,” Henry argues. “Wait here. I’ll get you it. You’re not going out without wearing it, especially when you’re in that shirt.”

“Possessive much?” Alex smirks.

“Yes,” Henry says simply, not even bothering to deny it. “Wait.”

Henry stumbles into their bedroom, raising up on his tiptoes to grab the box where he keeps his father’s things. Then, he grabs the box out, his hands trembling. Hell, they’re already getting married, he doesn’t know why he’s nervous.

When he walks into the hallway, Alex is crouched down, petting David.

“You wanna come with us, Davey?” Alex asks as he runs a hand over his back. “You dad made sure the pub was pet-friendly. Isn’t he the best? Can’t fuckin’ wait to marry him.”

“Me either,” Henry says, throat clogging up. He kneels, and then opens the box with shaky hands. David skitters away.

“Alex, the absolute love of my life, will you do the honour of marrying me and making me the happiest man on Earth?”

Alex laughs, eyes teary. “Stole my proposal, you fucker. Get your own.”

“So hard to please,” Henry tuts. “Fine.”

Takes a deep breath as he recalls the first words he’d ever written about Alex. Then, he looks at his fiancé, eyes molten like lava.

“Should I tell you, we're apart, your body comes back to me in dreams? That when I sleep, I see you, the dip of your waist, the freckle above your hip —”

“Stop,” Alex says, and he sounds so sad that Henry has to reach out to cup his cheeks. Alex flinches, and Henry’s heart breaks as he pulls away.

“What’s wrong, darling?”

“Why are you using the words you wrote about somebody else to propose to me ?”

Alex sounds heartbroken, and Henry immediately regrets everything.

“Love,” Henry whispers, voice careful. “I wrote them about you. God, Alex, it’s always been you. Every word I’ve written, I’ve written about you. You’re- you’re my bloody muse. Have been since before you even knew it.”

“Me?” Alex asks, drifting closer. Henry doesn’t hesitate to reach out, and he slumps in relief when Alex noses at the hinge of his jaw. “Really?”

“Of course,” Henry says, matter-of-fact. “You know I’ve been in love with you since I saw you. You inspire me. Constantly.”

“You never told me,” Alex says, lips brushing Henry’s skin. He places a fleeting kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“I didn’t think there was any need.”

“So, you just let me think you wrote those beautiful things about someone else for years? When they were mine?”

“I didn’t think you’d remember,” Henry smiles sadly.

“I’ve been obsessed with you for years, and like, have everything you say memorised, so, like, jot that the fuck down.”

“Noted,” Henry nods. “Now, can I go back to proposing?”

“Please. Use the words you wrote for me.” 

“Alex, love, should I tell you, we're apart, your body comes back to me in dreams? That when I sleep, I see you, the dip of your waist, the freckle above your hip and when I wake up in the morning, it feels like I've just been with you, the phantom touch of your hand on the back of my neck fresh and not imagined? I never want to wake up and have the chance to miss you. I don’t want to have to remember what your touch feels like instead of you having it imprinted on me every morning. I want you near me, with me, always. Please, will you do the honour of marrying me?”

“Yeah, fuck,” Alex says, climbing into Henry’s lap as he slides the ring on Alex’s finger. “God, it’s beautiful. Fuck, I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Henry smiles. Alex kisses it right off. Henry wouldn't have it any other way.

“Nora is going to kill me; we’re going to be so late,” Alex frowns.

“You can blame me.”

“My hero. So self-sacrificing,” Alex smooches him. “See, I’m never going to regret marrying you.”

“Me either, my love.” Henry pats Alex’s ass, urging him to get up. “Let’s get going now.”

“Asking me to get off your lap,” Alex shakes his head as he stands. “You hate me.”

“I was just trying not to let you get murdered by your psychopath of a best friend,” Henry says in mock disappointment. “Maybe I should just let her kill you.”

Alex gasps, too exaggerated to be real as he fetches David’s leash. “Divorce !”

“You told me you’re never going to regret marrying me two seconds ago,” Henry deadpans as he puts his shoes on.

“That was before you told me you wanted Nora to murder me!”

“Which was after you accused me of hating you when I told you we should leave to prevent said murder,” Henry shakes his head. “Can’t win.”

Alex laughs. Once he has clipped David to his leash, he checks his hair in the mirror that hangs above their credenza. Nods when he’s satisfied.

“Ready to do this, fiancé?” Alex asks, reaching out a hand to intertwine their fingers together.

“Absolutely,” Henry says, his heart flipping in his chest when their rings clink together. “Let’s do this, fiancé.”

Things go well until Henry’s best friend decides to open his mouth.

Everyone had been happy for them. The cheers were so loud that Henry had feared he’d go deaf, and then their friends had bought them so many shots that Henry knew he’s going to be spending the night kneeling beside Alex in the bathroom, pushing his hair back from his face as he empties his guts into the toilet bowl. He isn’t looking forward to that.

Just as Pez’s voice floods his ears, Henry knows he can’t do anything to stop him from saying that one embarrassing thing that had happened years ago.

“I remember,” Pez starts, a soft smile on his face. “The first time Henry saw Alex, he told me, without taking his eyes off of that man, mind you, that he was going to marry him someday. I see he’s made good on his promise.”

Alex turns to him, his eyes wide. They’re filled with so much wonder, and despite the embarrassment painting his cheeks pink, Henry feels butterflies flutter in his stomach.

“Really ?” Alex asks, his arms wrapped around Henry’s bicep.

“Really,” Henry shrugs helplessly, jostling Alex from where he’s resting his head on Henry's shoulder. “I told you, one glance at you and I was done for, darling.”

“I just— I think I just didn’t know how serious you were,” Alex slurs, his words garbled. “I’m, y’know… me.”

“You’re you, and you’re the love of my life, and I’m marrying you,” Henry says, and then, he kisses Alex in front of everyone in the pub, David’s head a comforting weight on his feet.

Their friends cheer again, and he’s sure Nora wolf-whistles and Pez demands more shots. Henry obliges. He is celebrating the fact that he’s going to marry the love of his life, after all.

Alex <3

Remember when I asked you to move in with me and you wanted to wait till your lease was up?

Well, it ends next month. In twenty-seven days to be precise. When are you moving in? Tomorrow? Next week? In two weeks? 

Actually, I think now sounds good. Move in right now.

Your new home: Apartment Number 505

clingy. i love it

sounds like somebody has been keeping a track

stalker much?

I just want you here with me :( 

baby i practically live with you anyway

i’m in ur bed every. single. night.

u wake up next to me and i kiss u good morning 

make u breakfast before i go to work

i pack ur lunch

i come home to u

Darling, as much as I appreciate that (and I appreciate it VERY much) it’s not the same.

Come to me :( 

Live with me. And David.

i know i’m just teasing baby

moving in tomorrow sounds amazing actually 

if ur up to it

fuck the lease

“Fuck the lease,” he says.

I’ve been SAYING this. You could’ve moved in MONTHS ago.

hahaha baby ur so cute

help me move tomorrow?

Of course. You don’t even have to ask, love. 

jsyk i’m gonna ogle the FUCK out of ur biceps as they flex when u pick up heavy stuff

can’t wait

look at how excited i am already

[1 Photo Attached]

You are a plague and I am going to kill you.

Will you STOP sending me pictures of your dick when I am in public?

It’s like you have a thing for it.

u know i do baby

watching u try to maintain ur composure in public is always so funny

I assure you, nothing about how I’m feeling right now is funny.

where are u

David is almost out of treats. I’m on my way to buy him some.

baby

i noticed he was, i already picked some up for him earlier 

they’re in my car

just come over

then i can fuck u and then u can stay over and then we can just haul all my stuff to ur place tomorrow

a friend of mine has a truck we can borrow it

Alright, but David is with me. Is that okay?

are u srsly asking me if my son coming over to my house is okay

are YOU okay

Fair point. See you soon love x

It’s three in the morning when Alex rolls over to face Henry.

“Do you think I should legally adopt Davey?” Alex asks, dead serious, and it startles a laugh out of Henry.

“What? I’m being serious!”

“He’s already your son, love. I don’t think you need to.”

“It’s so hard being 26 and a parent,” Alex pouts. “So many responsibilities.”

“You’re telling me,” Henry huffs. “I was a single parent before you came into my life.”

“Nuh uh,” Alex disagrees, shifting so he’s laying over Henry. “Pez was the other dad, remember?”

“Don’t let him hear you refer to him in the past tense or he’ll throw a fit.”

“Aw, Davey has three dads. So progressive,” Alex jokes.

“He’s a lucky bastard,” Henry says, carding a hand through Alex’s hair. Then, he urges him to tilt his head upwards to slot their mouths together, the slide of their lips the perfect pace.

“Guess I’m a lucky bastard, too, huh?” Henry whispers, pressing a kiss to Alex’s nose.

“Old age is making you cheesy, Fox,” Alex grins.

“I’m older by a year,” Henry deadpans.

“Grandpa,”Alex laughs, poking Henry in the stomach and that makes him squirm.

“Oh, I’ll show you grandpa,” Henry says as he shifts from beneath Alex to straddle him.

When Alex smirks smugly, Henry knows he’s played right into his hand.

Alex <3

What are you up to?

aw do u miss me

that’s so embarrassing

We’re literally engaged.

okay??? 

u don’t even let me be silly anymore 

 I think I allow you to be plenty silly.

I watch all the godforsaken tik toks you send me.

They’re all so cursed.

If that’s not true love, I don’t know what is.

no speak ur truth

ur right and u should say it

shut me right up

i take it back 

ur the best and i love u

Thank you.

I love you.

sooo… what am i up to

i’m just finishing up at work

what’s up baby

Do you want to get dinner together later?

sounds good baby

what ab that new indian place

You read my mind.

we’re soulmates it’s not that difficult 

i always know what ur thinking

Oh?

What am I thinking right now?

ur thinking that u wish i wasn’t at work so i could fuck u bc ur struggling with ur writing and it makes your skin feel itchy and ur head feel all weird

u wish i take u to dinner and then take u home

hold u all night

isn’t that right

That’s scarily accurate.

yeah? need me to come take care of u

Please.

well 

liam can handle this case what’s the use of being the best lawyer in the firm if i can’t leave a little early sometimes

as a little treat

the treat in question? me absolutely RAILING u into the mattress

I’m waiting.

And desperate. 

Might get a head start…

henry u fucker if u start without me i will END u

see if i let u come this week if u do

fucking wait for me

don’t u dare touch urself 

that’s all for me isn’t it

isn’t it, henry?

don’t make me ask again

It is.

I’ll wait.

It’s going to be torture and I’m going to hate every second of it, but I’ll wait.

good.

that’s my baby.

You can’t just say things like that and then expect me to wait.

It’s like you WANT to see me fail.

baby

there’s a lot of things i wanna see u do

but trust me 

failing at something is NOT one of them i love u too much for that

okay let’s make a deal

i’ll behave myself and not provoke u

you’ll behave and not touch urself

and then i’ll fuck u so well when i get home that you’d feel it for DAYS

You’re already breaking your rule.

I guess you ARE good at that.

But, alright.

Deal.

just remember if u do anything i’ll know

Unfortunately, I know.

sweet

six months later;

It turns out, they can’t be separated, even for their bachelor party. 

They’re getting married in a week, and their friends try to throw them separate bachelor parties, but it’s a lost cause. They’re joined at the hip, especially now that they’ve taken some time off work for all the festivities. He doesn’t think they’ve had so much time together, not since they’d graduated university, and he cherishes all this time he gets to spend with Alex.

So, six days before they’re due to say their vows, they pile into the back of an Uber while Pez lists all the bars and clubs they’re going to drink their body weight in, no bloody excuses. Henry is suddenly grateful for the pizza they’d eaten, no matter how disgustingly greasy it had been. And how they’d made Alex’s fingers shiny. God, he’d wanted to drag Alex into their bedroom and forget about their friends, the proper etiquette be damned. They’d snuck off to the bathroom and settled for handjobs instead. Alex is truly the love of Henry’s life, he’s never going to get tired of saying it.

They hit a couple of bars before things start getting hazy. Henry’s all relaxed and loose-limbed, pliant in Alex’s arms, the alcohol running through his bloodstreams. Alex is getting there, but he’s not as tipsy as Henry is. 

Henry nestles himself under the arm Alex has around him, and he feels safe enough to drink without worrying too much. David is at his mother’s house, and they’ve all booked a hotel room near the last club they’re planning to hit, and there’s nothing holding Henry back. It’s been so long since he’s truly let loose, and if he’s being honest, he misses being back in Oxford, at a different party every weekend.  

He misses being fun.

So, he drinks too much vodka, shakes his hips tantalisingly when Alex drags him to the dance floor, and he loses himself in the comforting haze of alcohol and euphoria. It feels like coming back home.

It’s not as if he hasn’t done this since he’s left university. It just feels… different somehow, and he embraces it. Alex’s hands span the breadth of his waist, and he feels the touch being seared into his skin, even through the layers of the clothing. By the time they stumble out of there, Henry’s limbs aren’t cooperating, and he’s giggling, and Alex has him.

He loses count after the seventh pub. They’re crowded by the bar, lights dim, drowning in the crowd. Nobody pays them any mind as Pez buys them more shots. Henry’s three sheets into the wind, his friends not too far behind, but he downs the shots placed in front of him anyway. He thinks Nora jumps on his back, her hands clutching his shoulders as she tries to hold on, trying to dig her chin over the curve of his shoulder. He’s barely aware of Alex trying to pull her away. He doesn’t understand what’s going on, he doesn’t know why Nora is attempting to climb him like a tree, so he just downs another shot as Pez ruffles his hair. June’s chatting with Bea as she watches, a silly grin on her face.

“No! Get your own!” Alex shouts over the music, swatting at Nora’s hand that’s clutching his shirt. “Get off! He’s mine!”

“Henry!” Nora shouts in his ear, slurring her words, and he feels the fabric giving way, exposing the back of his shirt in a way that feels obscene. “Tell your fiancé to keep his hands to himself! I’m just trying to look at the menu over your shoulder– you’re too fucking tall! I’m too drunk for this!”

Henry can see that by the way she’s trying to hang off of him instead of leaning around him like a sane person would.

“No!” Henry yells, catching how it makes Alex grin. “He isn’t allowed to keep his hands to himself when it comes to me.”

“Damn right. You tell them baby!” Alex cheers, as he yanks Nora away, and then suddenly, he’s the one who’s climbing Henry like a tree, draped over his back.

Henry is helpless to do anything but laugh as he tilts his head back to kiss Alex, the joy in his chest too intense to ignore. The kiss, it’s borderline indecent, and they really shouldn’t be doing this here because Henry is three seconds away from bending over the counter to let Alex take him, the public be damned, but then Alex pulls away, and his common sense rushes back in as he stumbles a little.

“Get a room!” Bea yells, but Henry pays her no mind.

“Are you going to hog my husband all night?” Pez asks Alex as he smoothes Henry’s hair down from where it’s sticking up. 

“Six days until you stop saying that,” Alex laughs. “Because then he’s going to be my husband.”

Henry’s heart flutters.

“Bold of you to assume I’d ever stop calling him that, strumpet,” Pez says seriously, sipping on his drink.

“Yeah, no, that’s fair,” Alex nods, an amused smile on his face. “You were first here and all. Just know that I’m going to be a better husband, Pez. He’s going to forget all about you.

“That day shall never come,” Pez says, laughing. “You can keep dreaming, babes.”

“We’ll see,” Alex smirks, plastering his chest against Henry’s back to rest his chin on Henry’s shoulder. “I cannot wait to prove you wrong.”

“As much as I hate to say this,” Pez smiles. “I cannot wait, Alexander.” 

Then, Pez says something about having to be sick, and Henry has to leave Alex to rub Pez’s back, and by the time they leave, everyone is sobering up a bit.

“Want to hit one last club?” Pez asks. 

“Alright,” June agrees. “Let’s do it. It’s not everyday that your annoying brothers get married.”

Alex had needed to use the loo, so naturally, Henry had followed. Henry’s leaning by the wall, waiting for Alex to come back from the bathroom when it happens.

Look, the night has been wild. Henry knows how he looks, alright. His shirt has fallen open, unbuttoned right down to just above his navel. His hair is messy from where Alex has been tugging on it, and his cheeks are flushed with alcohol. He knows his lips are probably red from all the kissing. He’s the perfect picture of indecency, so he’s not shocked when a man comes up to him. It still happens frequently, and Henry loves how possessive Alex gets when he realises someone’s hitting on Henry. The sex is always fantastic after.

So, when the man approaches him, Henry’s mouth waters. He hopes Alex returns from the bathroom, and stakes his claim on Henry, no matter how barbarian that sounds. He likes it, sue him.

“Hey there, beautiful,” The man smirks, his eyes raking down Henry’s frame. “I’m Andrew. What’s your name, baby?”

Henry changes his mind. The way he’s eyeing Henry makes his skin crawl in discomfort, and Alex is the only one who’s allowed to call him baby. He debates on going back to their friends. He’s sure Alex can find his way back. He’d been drunk, but he’s not that drunk.

Before he can decide, a warm weight settles over his back, and Henry instantly relaxes. Alex’s comforting scent floods his senses, and Henry melts back into his chest.

“His name is Henry, and he’s taken,” Alex says, sliding a hand around his waist to pull him close. He leaves his hand on Henry’s stomach, the touch of his palm a familiar against his bare skin. The cool metal of his ring instantly grounds Henry.

The man’s eyes dip to where Alex’s touching him, and then they stay fixed there, eyeing the skin that’s still exposed. Andrew’s eyes are dark, wanting, and  Henry hates it. From the way Alex tenses up behind him, it seems like he must, too.

“Eyes up here, man,” Alex snaps.

Andrew’s eyes drag the length of his frame as they settle back on Henry’s face. The smirk turns sharper.

“I get it,” Andrew says, looking at Alex. “If he was my man, I wouldn’t let him out of the house like this.”

Henry scoffs, and Alex seethes. 

“Good thing he’s not your man because he’s his own person. He’s free to wear whatever the fuck he wants wherever the fuck he wants,” Alex snaps, and Henry has a tramp down a smile.

“Hey, I was just saying,” Andrew says, raising his hands. Then, his eyes drip to Henry’s lips and stay there for a beat too long.

Alright, Henry thinks, it’s time to leave. Alex must sense this, too, as he takes a step towards the dance floor, fingers intertwined with Henry, but Andrew blocks their way.

“If you never shoot you’ll never know,” Andrew mutters, and Alex sighs in annoyance. “Do, uh, do you share?”

“Excuse me?” Alex demands, fire lacing his voice. He sounds dangerous, and it has a shiver running down Henry’s spine.

Alex takes a step forward, shielding Henry from the man who’s, quite frankly, making him feel extremely uncomfortable. He’s had to deal with a fair share of them in his time, but he’s more than happy to sit back and let Alex handle this one.

Andrew, however, doesn’t get the hint.

“Oh, you know,” Andrew says, uncaring about how Alex’s face darkens with anger and his jaw clenches. “Just for a night?”

“Andrew, was it?” Alex asks, and the way he nods rapidly in answer, eyes hopeful, is honestly so pathetic.

“Alright, Andrew,” Alex says mockingly. “He isn’t an object or a toy, so you better watch your fucking mouth.”

It’s Henry’s turn to rest against Alex’s back as he digs his chin in the crook of Alex’s neck, humming in satisfaction as he watches this play out. There’s just something so beautiful about Alex when he gets like this, all fiery with passion, ready to protect Henry’s virtue.

“No, I don’t fucking share,” Alex says menacingly, his fists clenched. “He’s mine. He’s been mine. You see that ring on his finger? Yeah, he’s going to be mine until the end of time, so you better get your sorry ass out of here before I do something I really regret.”

Andrew opens his mouth to argue, and Alex’s expression turns thunderous. Andrew falters. Henry bites down a smile.

“Do I need to repeat myself?” Alex asks. “Don’t you dare look at him, you creep. Now, fuck off. ”

Andrew widens his eyes and scrambles away, and Henry laughs. Presses a kiss to the hinge of Alex’s jaw. He loves how all the tension drains out of Alex at the contact and he tries not to feel too smug. Fails.

“Can’t take you anywhere, you gorgeous motherfucker,” Alex teases as he turns around to rest his hands on Henry’s hips. “You’re such a fucking hazard.”

“Hey, now, I was just here, existing, minding my business, looking pretty as I was waiting for my fiancé when he came up to me,” Henry says.

“Your fiancé?” Alex asks, leering. “Does he treat you well, or do I have to show you a good time?”

“He’s alright,” Henry plays along. “I could be persuaded though. Good time, you say?”

“Mhm, I wanna fuck you gorgeous. God, could drag you to the bathroom right now and fuck you raw. He doesn’t even have to know.”

“You’re right, that does sound like a good time. We have to hurry, though. He’s here, somewhere, and he’ll be back soon. Have to be quick,” Henry urges as he wraps his arms around Alex’s neck to kiss him.

“Does he fuck you well?” Alex asks against his lips. “Your fiancé?”

“He’s not too bad,” Henry says, even though he knows nobody on this damn planet could fuck him as well as Alex does. “I’m sure you could do a better job though. Something new. Exciting. Why don’t we find out?”

He lowers his voice, and gives Alex the eyes, and Alex groans.

“Baby,” Alex whines. “Is it possible to be jealous of myself? Why am I jealous of myself? I don’t like this.”

“You’re so silly,” Henry laughs. “Alright, let’s stop… whatever this is.”

“Good,” Alex grumbles. 

Then he ducks down to kiss Henry with too much tongue until he can’t breathe.

“Tell me nobody can fuck you as well as I do. That nobody can give you what I can,” Alex begs.

“Alex, love,” Henry smiles. “You’re the only one who can fuck me well. You’re the only one who knows what I want even without me asking. You always do.  Nobody else can give me what I want. You own all of me, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Alex mewls. “Fuck, yeah, I do, baby.”

“And don’t you forget it,” Henry smiles. “Some man at the club will never change that.”

“I know,” Alex says, blushing. “I just… I need to hear it sometimes.”

“And I’ll say it whenever you need to hear it. I love you, Alex..”

“I love you more, baby.”

“Let’s head back, yes? I’m sure everyone is wondering where we are.”

“Or,” Alex suggests, a wicked grin on his face. “We can go to the hotel…”

Henry hates that he actually considers it.

“No,” Henry says. “It’s our party, and I’m far too sober after what just happened. Let’s get drunk. You can fuck me later.”

“I’ll be counting down the minutes, sweetheart.”

Henry has no doubt that he will.

Alex <3

what is this fuckass tradition about not sleeping in the same room before the wedding

i hate it

i miss u already and i saw u three minutes ago

i can’t sleep without u anymore

fuck are we codependent????

Disgustingly so.

I miss you, too.

I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep either.

welp i guess it’s too late to do anything about the coedependecy now

not that i WANT to

them, pointing at you: who’s that
me: that’s my emotional support human

You’re ridiculous, do you know that?

regret saying yes to marrying me yet sweetheart??

No. Never.

You’re acting like this doesn’t make me fall deeper in love with you.

You’re my emotional support person, too.

do u ever think

do u think about how far we’ve come?

there were times when i was too scared to admit that i liked u even to myself

and we’re getting married

All the time, darling.

If you asked me where I saw myself five years ago, I never would’ve said here, no matter how desperately I’d wanted it.

Now, I’m marrying YOU.

goddamn ur perfect fox

claremont-diaz-fox tomorrow

kinda glad u dropped a fuckton of ur last names can u imagine what a nightmare the paperwork would’ve been

our children would’ve HATED us

god

i love u

so so so so so much

i can’t wait to marry u tomorrow.

I can’t either.

I feel like I’ve been waiting all my life for this.

u say the sweetest things 

i adore u with my everything 

i can’t believe we’ll be married this time tomorrow 

and then i’ll whisk u away to paris like you’ve always wanted

i can’t 

i feel like i’m actually going to COMBUST i’m so antsy

i’m itchy with the need to see u

like i need to marry u NOW i can’t believe i have to wait for twelve hours

God, same. I’ve never felt this unsettled before.

I need to see you.

do u think ur mom will kill me if i try sneaking in

Yes. She gave me a thorough lecture right after I said good night to you.

Philip was telling me that our parents did it too. It was hell, and they got through it, so we just need to hold on for a bit, love.

Twelve hours is easy.

it isn’t easy :( 

No, it isn’t.

I’m just trying to be positive.

how’s this for positive

think about me in ur bed

naked

Menace. I’m cancelling the wedding.

hate to break it to u sweetheart 

but that’s never fucking happening 

u proposed 

now bear the consequences of ur actions

I think I quite like this consequence.

yeah?

No, I’m just fucking around.

Yes, of course, I do, darling.

ur such as asshole

i like the consequences too

TOO much

now send me a picture of davey ur making my heart horny

Are you getting soft on me, Claremont-Diaz?

dream on fox

pictures 

now 

wanna see my son

does he miss me

is he in ur bed

Yes, he’s sleeping next to me.

ugh i wish that was me

I do, too.

[9 Photos Attached]

MY BABY

MY LITTLE DAVEY

can’t wait to see him tomorrow he’s the best boy he’s going to get so many kisses

I thought I was your baby?

u are 

davey is too

No.

no?

No. Just me.

now who’s being ridiculous 

spoiler alert: it is NOT me

You love me.

i do. so much.

so much that i’m marrying you. 

henry

sweetheart

my baby

Alex :( 

I miss you.

i know sweetheart

i miss u too

wish i could kiss that pretty face of urs 

watch u blush

fuck i need to stop speaking to u rn or i’ll break ur door down and everyone will be mad at me

Please don’t.

Stop talking to me, that is.

I miss you terribly.

taylor swift wrote i hate it here bc i hate it here so i’ll go to secret gardens in my mind (in ur bed with davey, holding u)

Tomorrow, love.

It’s just one night.

don’t it’s just one night me both of us can’t sleep without the other

can i at least sneak up to give u a little kiss

please baby

As tempting as that is, that would be breaking tradition.

UGH

why do u want me dead

Don’t die on me or I’ll have to find somebody else to marry and both of us would hate that.

don’t act like i won’t haunt u from beyond the grave if u ever decide to move on

ur mine dead or not

And you’re mine.

Now, try getting some sleep, darling. We meet in eleven hours.

I can’t wait to see you in your tux.

Good night. Sleep well, love.

I love you. 

love love love u see you in a bit xxx

X

Alex <3

hello mr claremont-diaz-fox

you ready to do this the rest of our lives?

Absolutely, Mr Claremont-Diaz-Fox

I was born ready.