Archive of Our Own ^beta

Tweek Tweak wrung his hands as he waited at his doorstep for his date.

“Date” was a bit of an extreme way to describe it but all the other boys at his school insisted that’s what it was when they set him up with Kyle Broflovski of all people.

It started off with a joke. To be more specific, a joke from Eric Cartman. It’s been a few days since Tweek tried to reconcile with Craig after their fake breakup at school and Craig had rejected him. Since he never came around Tweek’s house to become boyfriends again, he took it for what it was and felt immense guilt for the pain he brought Craig—unintentionally but still!

He couldn’t help Craig the way he helped him.

It clearly affected Tweek to the point that everyone was able to notice. He wasn’t good at hiding his emotions, so he knew he was an open book. But if he had one more person come up to him to give their condolences on his failed “relationship”, he was going to lose it.

That was when Cartman had led him to his table and proposed a plan. That was Tweek’s first mistake.

“Listen here, Tweek,” began Cartman, professionalism leaking from his voice, “there’s plenty of fish out in the sea. You need to stop moping around and get yourself another man, Jesus fuck.”

“What Cartman is trying to say,” said Kyle, shooting a glare that could melt ice at Cartman before directing his softer gaze at Tweek, “that it’s okay to move on and find someone who won’t cheat on you,” he spat.

Collectively, the group of boys minus Tweek turned to stare at the table where Craig was sitting with his friends. Craig Tucker looked like a boy whose ice cream fell on the floor. He kept pushing his food around his tray despite Clyde’s silly faces, Tolkien’s reassuring pats, and Jimmy’s horrible jokes.

Tweek only allowed himself a quick glance before he snapped his gaze back at his food. He pulled his yellow hair and whispered, “I don’t think I can.”

“Sure, you can,” encouraged Stan, oddly invested. “You just need a little push.”

“Suck some dick,” suggested Kenny and Tweek screeched, “NO!”

“It is hard to find another openly gay kid around here,” mumbled Cartman, rubbing his chin. He squinted and looked around the cafeteria. His gaze landed on an unsuspecting Kyle, and he smiled deviously.

Tweek’s eyes widened. He had enough time hanging around them to know that Cartman’s smile meant trouble. Yet, he was too slow to stop what was about to come. That was Tweek’s second mistake.

“Hey,” cooed Cartman, scooting down the bench and threw an arm around Kyle, making him hit his elbow at the table.

“Fuck!” hissed Kyle, rubbing his elbow, before shoving Cartman away. “What the fuck, Cartman?”

“Kyle, why don’t you go out with Tweek?”

“WHAT?!”

Tweek expected Kyle’s and his response. He wasn’t expecting Stan to also look absolutely pissed.

“Think about it.” Cartman raised his hands in a placating manner. “Who’s the next kid to be as close to being gay as you, Tweek? Kyle, of course.”

“That’s a stupid idea, fat ass!” Kyle’s face was as red as hair. His freckles even disappeared within his blush. “It will never work!”

“It will!” insisted Cartman. “No one would question it!”

Kenny chuckled, “I think he’s fucking right.”

Kyle shot a nasty look at Kenny before directing his gaze to his super best friend. “Stan?”

The boy in question had a tight grip on his spork. He sighed, “I mean, I-I guess if it helps Tweek to move on…”

Kyle groaned and pulled the flap of his ushanka. “Fine, I guess I’ll do it.” He turned to Tweek. “Only to help though.”

Tweek opened his mouth, ready to disagree, ready to argue that he didn’t even want to come sit with them, but before he could, Cartman slapped him so hard on the back that he choked.

“Perfect! Tomorrow will be your guys’ first date!” he shouted, making some of the other kids turn to look at them.

Tweek took another glance at Craig and saw his green eyes already on him.

Then he glared.

Feeling defensive, Tweek glared back and turned around with a harrumph. Well, fine then! Maybe it won’t be so bad after all.

Which led him to standing outside in the afternoon cool Colorado air waiting for his date. He knew he was waiting ten minutes earlier than the time they set, but his nerves were haywire. He didn’t particularly hate Kyle, but he didn’t like him either. He was one of those that Tweek treaded carefully around. What did they even have in common?

It wasn’t hard to spot Kyle walking towards his house. He was glowering and Tweek immediately noticed why.

His ushanka was missing and his red curls looked well tamed and glossy. He wasn’t wearing his usual t-shirt and jeans. Instead, he was wearing an ironed blue button up with black slacks and squeaky new shoes.

Tweek shifted uneasily and glanced down at his own clothes. It was his usual long sleeve green buttoned up, wrinkled, and his faded blue jeans. Was there a dress code he missed?

Kyle stopped in front of him and Tweek didn’t know what to say. It was his first date. Should he say hi?

“Let’s go,” pouted Kyle and pivoted on his heel without another word.

Tweek rushed behind him and shot another look at his house. He swore he saw his curtains move but he decided to ignore it. The urge to run back inside, throw away this whole plan, and do some of his Lego projects he started yesterday was tempting. One glance at Kyle had Tweek forcing himself forward. He looked as unhappy as Tweek.

“Where are we going?” asked Tweek after a long agonizing five minutes of silence.

“Movies,” was the snippy response.

“Look dude,” Tweek hugged himself, “I don’t want to do this either!”

“Why didn’t you say anything then?”

“Because!”

They both knew the answer. Cartman.

Kyle sighed and ran a hand over his shirt. “I didn’t want to wear this shit.”

Tweek tightened his arms before relaxing and letting them swing on his side. Cool, stay cool. They both hated this, so it was alright. No expectations were placed on him like it was placed with Craig.

“Um, so who…?” Tweek didn’t know whether Kyle wanted to talk about it or not.

“My mom,” Kyle’s shoulders slumped. Ah, that made sense. “She said she was proud of her gay son going on his first gay date. Ugh.” Kyle rubbed his eyes in frustration.

“If it helps,” said Tweek, worried if adding his own experience would piss off Kyle, “my parents gave me $100 in case we need to buy condoms and rent a motel.”

Kyle wrinkled his nose, “Ew. Why are our parents so fucking stupid?”

Tweek chuckled and it seemed to ease the tension between them. Somewhat. “I don’t, gah, know, man. Sometimes I think they do it on purpose so we can learn a lesson or something.”

“It would be shitty of them if that were the case,” Kyle shook his head. He flashed Tweek an uneasy smile but a smile, nonetheless. “But I can see it.”

“Right?!” Tweek found common ground and grabbed it with desperate hands. “I think my parents have access to my computer and look at my history.”

“Dude, that’s fucked up.” Kyle shoved his hands in his pockets. “Then again, my mom has done worse.”

“Like what?”

As they talked, Tweek felt more of that unease and frustration melt away. Before he knew it, they were across the theater and waiting for the crosswalk to signal their turn. It was then that Tweek saw something that made him gasp.

“What the hell?” frowned Kyle.

There was a large group of adults crowded at the front of the movie theater. There were so many of them that nearly the whole sidewalk was taken over. As they walked closer, Tweek noticed that they were shouting and waving their arms with money gripped in their hands.

“Hey,” Kyle got the attention of one of the adults closest to them.

Tweek recognized him as Jimbo, Stan’s uncle.

“Oh, hey Kyle!” He flashed them a friendly smile. “You came to see the premiere too?”

“What premiere?” asked Kyle. Tweek was grateful he was leading the conversation. The crowd was like a ticking time bomb, and it was begging for a fatal accident to happen. Tweek wanted to leave now.

“Of Jurassic World,” spoke up Ned with his robotic voice. Tweek winced, and slowly took a step back. He always felt on edge around Ned. Add his missing arm and Tweek’s imagination ran ramped, trying to fill in the blanks on how it happened during Ned’s time in Vietnam. Did he kill someone? Was it cut off? The images were too vivid in poor Tweek’s mind.

Kyle wrinkled his nose. “Jurassic World?” He looked at the massive crowd and scoffed, “I don’t understand what the hype is. It’s just a lame way for corporations to make a quick buck.”

“I-Isn’t Jurassic World supposed to premiere next week?” squeaked Tweek, feeling the panic rise even more when all the adults turned to him.

“What do you mean?” Jimbo frowned.

“It’s supposed to come out next Friday!” yelled Tweek, pulling at the bottom of his shirt.

“But we all got a paper at our doorstep saying that South Park was getting a special early screening!” shouted one of the adults. There was a murmur of agreement.

“Someone set you up,” concluded Kyle, nodding his head like he just solved a great case.

The adults whispered to each other before Jimbo turned around and spoke to the crowd, “Okay, fess up! Who did it?”

Everyone shifted uncomfortably. Suddenly, someone pointed at the man in the ticket booth. “It must have been him!”

“Get him!” another shouted.

Tweek and Kyle watched as the sea of people began tearing the booth apart with their bare hands and the excitement turned to anger. People began rioting and Molotov cocktails were thrown at the theater causing a fire.

Tweek screeched and Kyle gasped. The fire quickly spread, and the whole theater was engulfed in flames in a matter of seconds. Tweek watched in horror as people ran outside being burnt alive.

Kyle turned to Tweek and said, “Let’s get out of here. Where do you want to go?”

Tweek forced himself to look away at the escalating scene and whimpered, “Ice cream?”

“Okay.”

Without another word, Kyle turned around and Tweek followed him. He wanted to get away from this place as soon as possible.

The ice cream parlor was located right at the heart of town, so it took about five minutes to finally get there. Tweek’s racing heart finally settled and he could breathe. They went in and Tweek welcomed the cold air. Surprisingly, Butters was behind the counter.

“You work here?” asked Kyle, going up to the register. There were a few people seated but no one in line.

“Yup!” Butters gave them his gummy smile, making his chubby cheeks bunch up and his dimples appear. “My parents said I had to get a job, or I’ll get grounded.”

Kyle and Tweek shared a look. Even Tweek knew that Butters got unnecessarily grounded by his parents.

“Okay,” Tweek stepped up, eager to eat something. “Can I have the coffee flavor?”

“Sure!” Butters hopped off his step ladder and grabbed a scooper. Tweek and Butters were barely at eye level, so Tweek decided to go on his tiptoes. “In a waffle cone or cup?”

“Cup, please. Oh, and two scoops.” He turned to Kyle. “What are you getting?”

“I’m going to want strawberry, three scoops, and in a cup,” he ordered.

Just then, someone came in. They waited by the register as Butters took their order.

“Alright! I’ll just ring you fellas up—” Suddenly, Butters turned to the side and Tweek followed his gaze. It was the EMPLOYEES ONLY door and it was slightly ajar. Tweek turned to Kyle to ask him if the place was haunted but the redheaded was already seated.

Did he expect Tweek to pay? Before he had time to process Kyle’s audacity, Butters spoke up, “Erm, actually can you fellas wait a bit? I’m going to add some sprinkles and whip cream to your ice creams. You can have a seat, and I’ll take it to you.”

“No, no, no!” yelled Tweek, waving his hands. He was able to see Butters serve their ice cream but now that he was asking them to sit down, Tweek wouldn’t be able to keep an eye on Butters and their dessert. What if he put something in it? The very thought sent shivers up and down Tweek’s spine.

“Uh…” Butters gaze flickered from the door to Tweek and back. “It’ll be free of charge!”

Tweek opened his mouth, ready to say that he didn’t care, when he felt a hand pull him back. He nearly stumbled despite the soft pull, and he saw Kyle take his spot.

“Why are you giving it to us for free?” asked Kyle, his narrowed green eyes making Butters flinch. Tweek also felt suspicious over the situation.

“Well, you see,” stuttered Butters, looking everywhere but at them. “It’s your first date, ain’t it?”

It was like dropping blood into a piranha infested pond. All the other patrons snapped their heads to look at them. Tweek began to sweat, and he saw some of them flash thumbs up with a wide smile.

Kyle also seemed to notice, and he blushed. “Well, it’s not a date—”

“You don’t need to be scared!” said the adult who came in after them. He looked familiar. Maybe one of their classmate’s parents? “We’re a progressive town. We welcome all sexualities. There’s no discrimination here!”

The rest of the adults joined in with their own supportive quip or two. Feeling the center of attention, Tweek began to pull his hair. Kyle glanced at him and without thinking much about it, patted his shoulder and said, “Don’t worry, Tweek, we can—”

“Awwww,” the adults cooed, some even going so far as to take a picture.

“Fuck,” whispered Kyle.

“How about this?” The adult by the register took out his wallet. “I’ll pay for them. Go on and be proud of who you are. I got the bill!”

“That’s awfully kind of you, Mr. Testaburger!” beamed Butters.

Tweek wanted to run the hell out of this place, but his parents taught him manners. So, with a forced smile he said, “Thank you, sir.”

Mr. Testaburger smiled and said, “No problem, Tweak’s boy. Enjoy your date.”

Kyle scowled and Tweek followed behind him to a booth in the corner by the window. Tweek tried to watch what Butters was doing to their desserts, but it was hard to follow his every move when Tweek’s view was being blocked by the counters. Just as Mr. Testaburger began to order his ice cream, Tweek’s attention shattered when Kyle snapped his fingers in front of him.

“Dude, if you give them more attention we’d be just feeding into their delusions,” hissed Kyle.

Feeling like a child who just got scolded by his mom, Tweek blushed and pulled on his shirt. “Okay.”

They sat in awkward silence and Tweek didn’t know how to break it. He wished he never agreed to this.

“I wanted to ask you something,” began Kyle tentatively. Before he could continue, Butters came up to their table.

“Here ya go,” he handed Tweek his cone, “and one for Kyle.”

Butters gave them a too wide a smile and Tweek narrowed his eyes.

“Why are you, gah, looking like that?” he asked in an accusing tone.

Kyle glared, “Did you do something?” Butters began to sweat.

“Why would I do that?” asked Butters, his voice an octave higher. “I would never do anythin’ to jeopardize a customer’s satisfaction to return to our fine establishment.”

“It’s an ice cream shop, Butters,” monotoned Kyle, annoyed.

Butters sputtered out some incomprehensible words before yelling, “Enjoy!” and rushing over to give Mr. Testaburger his strawberry ice cream.

Tweek looked down and began to see a few drops of his coffee flavor ice cream start to drip down into the waffle cone. He hated the excessive amount of whipped cream and sprinkles Butters put on.

Kyle leaned forward and cupped his mouth, “Do you think he did something?”

Tweek glanced at Butters who was oddly fixated on them then back at their desserts. It did look good but something about the way Butters was acting was starting to freak him out.

“I think so,” he tried to say without screaming and letting his panic take over.

Kyle gave a sharp nod and poked his ice cream with his spoon. “It looks really good too.”

Tweek huffed, “I-I know but, gah, Butters can’t lie for shit.”

They laughed and something shattered in the background. They turned to see Butters rush to the back, the EMPLOYEES ONLY door swinging, before it settled still.

“Okay, this is our time to leave,” said Kyle and Tweek nodded.

They threw away their desserts and practically ran away from the shop. Just as they rounded the corner, they saw Mr. Testaburger in an awful state.

He was leaning against the wall and clutching his stomach. He was sweating and pale and, worst of all, had shit running down his pants. Kyle gagged and pinched his nose while Tweek stared wide eyed in shock.

Mr. Testaburger groaned and Tweek didn’t need to look too hard to know he probably shit himself again. The ice cream he just bought lay on the floor, a witness to this whole mess. People gathered around the poor guy and Tweek decided that enough was enough.

“LET’S GO TO THE PARK!” he screamed and without waiting for confirmation from Kyle, booked it to the only place he could think of that was safe.

They were both breathing hard by the time they sat down on the swing set. Evening was upon them, and it was starting to get colder. Tweek was used to wearing nonwinter clothes, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t affected by the mountain breeze. He shivered and hugged himself. Kyle was still for a bit before he began gently swinging back and forth. The silence was heavy and Tweek didn’t think they would be acting like in the beginning. Yet here they were.

“South Park is weird,” Kyle broke the silence with a frown on his face. “When I’m an adult, I’m getting out of here.”

Tweek nodded and slowly let go of the tight hold he had on himself. He gripped the chains and began pushing himself. “Y-Yeah. I want to get out of here, man. I think this place is cursed or something.”

“That’s dumb but it would explain a lot,” Kyle shot him a small smile and Tweek tried to reciprocate. He was sure it was more of a wince. “I wanted to ask you something, Tweek.”

His stomach turned. He hated it when people did that. Why couldn’t they just ask? He nodded and ignored the anxiety swirling inside him.

“About Craig…” Kyle tentatively began.

Tweek froze, the chains groaning from the sudden stop, and twitched. “Sure, nngh.”

“Why did Craig cheat on you?”

Tweek was expecting anything else but that. Stunned, he tried to formulate some kind of response but found himself blanking. “Uh…”

“It’s so weird,” continued Kyle, on a roll now, “because Craig doesn’t seem like the kind of kid to do that kind of shit. If he did that’s pretty fucked up of him. It’s just hard to believe.”

Tweek fidgeted in his seat. After a while, he began to swing himself again. “Can I tell you something? You won’t tell anyone?”

“I won’t tell anyone, dude. Jewbilee honor!”

Tweek wasn’t sure what that meant but Kyle was the nicest of all the boys in Stan’s group. Tweek was sure he could trust him. “CraigandIfakedated to stop everyone frombothering US!” He was breathing hard by the end of his confession.

Kyle scrunched his eyebrows and didn’t respond for a few seconds before his brows shot up and his eyes widened. “What!”

“We lied,” groaned Tweek, pulling his hair. “The town wanted us to be something we weren’t!”

“I don’t get it, though.” Kyle shook his head. He dug his heels into the sand and came to an abrupt stop. “You both looked miserable after your breakup.”

“I know,” Tweek sighed. He could remember how devastated Craig was. He couldn’t help him in the end.

“Were you both acting?”

Tweek shook his head. “Just the breakup. Everything else was, gah, real.”

“If you guys faked it but how you feel now is real…” Kyle had a sparkle in his eyes. “Do you like Craig?”

Instead of the question freaking him out, Tweek thought about it. Did he like Craig?

“I don’t think I like him like that,” he started slowly, “but I liked the way he made me feel. He was the first person who saw something in me. He made me believe in myself in a way I never thought was possible. For a moment, he made me feel really happy.” Tweek smiled softly and his cheeks flushed. “I don’t know if that means I like like him, but I know that I want to make him happy too. I want to get to know him more.” Tweek fiddled with his fingers then he winced. “It’s too late nooooow.” His fingers twitched to the point that they locked for a second before it released the tension. He slowly massaged them.

“Why?” Kyle frowned.

“Because he said he wanted me to go be gay with someone else.” Tweek didn’t realize how sad Craig’s rejection made him feel until he said it out loud. He felt the tears in his eyes and swallowed the sob resting in his throat.

Kyle didn’t say anything immediately. Tweek thought he was going to make fun of him, and he began to think that it was a mistake to open up to Kyle after all. Maybe he was going to tell everyone about how he was taking Craig’s rejection and—

“Well,” started Kyle and began swinging again, “he doesn’t know what he’s missing out on.”

Tweek blinked several times and processed what was said to him. “I-I guess so.”

They continued swinging and talked about random topics. There was rustling in the bushes behind them and Tweek took it as a sign that it was time to go since the breeze was getting stronger. Kyle insisted on walking him home. Not because it was expected of him as Tweek’s “date” but because he knew that if his mom got word that he didn’t, he was going to get an earful of her chastising.

Tweek wrung his hands, much like that very morning, as Kyle stood in front of him. They both rocked on their heels before Kyle sighed.

“Look, dude, you’re actually not so bad.” He winced, “I used to think you were annoying back when you used to hang out with us.”

“Oh.” Tweek didn’t know how to respond.

“But you’re actually pretty cool.” Kyle flashed him a smile.

Tweek smiled back.

“We should hang out more.”

Tweek nodded. It was good to have one more friend. Suddenly, he remembered that tomorrow everyone at school was going to be expecting something from this date.

It was like Kyle read his mind because he added, “I’ll tell Cartman that the date didn’t work out.”

Tweek furrowed his brows. “Won’t he shit on you?”

Kyle shrugged, “I know how to deal with him. Don’t worry.”

With that, Kyle left after waving goodbye.

Tweek sighed in relief the moment he got into his house and locked the door behind him. He expected his parents to be waiting for him in the living room, but no one was there. Not questioning it further, he was about to brew some coffee when the doorbell rang.

Thinking it was Kyle, Tweek opened it without looking through the peephole like he was taught to do.

Instead of Kyle, however, Craig Tucker stood in front of him. He was clutching a poorly arranged bouquet of flowers that looked like he pulled from someone’s poor yard. His hat sat askew, and he was sweating heavily.

“Uh,” he cleared his throat, “how are you?”

Tweek didn’t know what to make of his sudden appearance. He gaped before stuttering, “Wh-What are you doing here, man?”

Craig looked at the flowers then at Tweek before saying in a flat tone, “I don’t want you being gay with anyone.”

Tweek frowned, “What the fuck, man? I can do what I want!”

Angry, he was about to slam his door when Craig shouted, “Wait!”

Tweek paused.

“I don’t want you being gay with anyone else because I want you to be gay with me,” explained Craig. He thrusted the flowers and accidentally hit Tweek a little too hard on the chest.

He didn’t mind. Instead, he took the flowers and carefully looked them over like they were porcelain. They were pretty.

“Why?” asked Tweek. He deserved some kind of explanation after Craig rejected him.

Craig was staring intently at the flowers like he was gathering up his nerves before looking at Tweek’s shoulders.

“I really like hanging out with you. I think you’re really cool. I also think you’re really strong. My dad…” He faltered before straightening up and pulling his shoulders back. “He said that it was okay to be gay. That’s when I realized that I was hurting us both because I really wanted to go back to being boyfriends with you.”

Looking determined, he stuck out his hand. “Tweek Tweak, do you want to be gay with me?”

Tweek blinked owlishly. He couldn’t believe it. “Are you sure?”

Craig nodded rapidly.

Tweek didn’t think over the question much. He knew what he wanted, and he wanted to be with Craig.

He took his hand and squeezed it. It was clammy but Tweek didn’t care.

They both beamed at each other.

“Awww.”

A flash of a camera momentarily blinded Tweek and he swirled his head around to see his parents smiling at them.

“I knew everything was going to turn out well for my little homosexual son,” cooed his dad.

“DAD! MOM!” shouted Tweek, blushing heavily.

Craig tugged his arm, and he turned around to see Craig still smiling showing off his crooked teeth. That’s when Tweek knew everything was going to be alright.

Sometime in middle school…

“Wait, so you’re telling me you sabotaged my date with Kyle?”

“Yeah.”

A loud laugh echoed in a room. It was covered with space themed posters and in a corner was a play bin where a guinea pig roamed.

“Why?”

“I didn’t want it to work out.” A shrug.

“I never liked him like that.” A giggle.

“I know that now. Nine-year-old me didn’t.” A pause. “Stan Marsh helped too.”

A nod. “That makes sense. When do you think they’re going to finally get together?”

A hum. “I hope it’s before high school. Their slow edging makes me want to gag.”

A cackle then silence. Movement then cuddling.

“Thank you. If it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t be here.”

“I wouldn’t let that happen. I knew what I wanted and what I wanted was you.”

“Craig!” A blush, an embarrassed laugh, but a blinding smile, nonetheless. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Tweek.”

A kiss.