Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

They don’t officially call it a sleepover. It is what you and your family members did most nights, anyways. But this one really feels familiar.

Maybe it’s the sound of a nearby clock tower chiming each hour as you all sit on the lobby floor. Maybe it’s the way that Bonnie’s dishes are slightly burnt on the edges. Maybe it’s the way the conversation is going, as you realize you weren’t paying attention for a while.

You must have made a face at that realization because now Odile is giving you a look. “Everything alright, Siffrin?”

You default to a smile too easily but catch yourself. You still end up smiling but say truthfully, “Yeah, just zoned out there for a bit.” They all want you to be honest with them.

You’re working on it, but you still feel a crawling in your stomach when you worry them.

You don’t bring up the nagging thing in your head that tells you you’ve been here before because you haven’t. The feeling’s small but pretty persistent. Nothing’s outright wrong necessarily. Maybe you should tell them, but it could turn out to be nothing. So, you put it to the side, at least for now.

“We were talking about possible places Mira might visit on her pilgrimage,” Isa says as he hands you another paratha. You bite into it. It’s stuffed with potatoes, but the flaky layers make it work better for you than the samosas. “Let us know if you need to get some rest, alright?”

You nod and listen better this time. Mira had been wondering for a while now whether she should come up with a list of Houses to visit, go about wherever the wind took her, or something in-between. It seems she’s decided to mostly stick to a list for her own well-being. But now the question is more about which locations to go to. “I want to see a lot of different places, so I can put myself more out of my comfort zone. But I can’t have it go on forever, so I need to limit myself. Like I know that Poteria would be a good place to visit since it’s nearby but has very distinct customs, but it could be too close and not give me as much time in other countries further away. And I want to be able to stay in places long enough to give myself a chance to Change, but…”

Some of your other family members help her brainstorm or rule out some Houses that may not be feasible to visit for long periods of time. You still haven’t talked to her about her relationship with Change. She’s still working out her feelings towards you after Dormont, and you want to give her the space she needs. And bringing up information you learned during loops is a definite “no” when it comes to Mira. So, as she goes on, you listen.

The conversation moves on to general travel at a certain point, which you are able to talk about. You and Odile have been to the most places by sheer number but everyone has fun and embarrassing stories to tell about their experiences. Apparently Bonnie accidentally offended a chef sometime on your family’s journey because they were too persistent in asking for a recipe.

You start nodding off again but not out of habit. You feel the beginning of a headache. Running through a list of things that could be wrong, you don’t come up with much outside of the usual. Which is a problem in itself. How can you deal with the issue if you don’t know what it is? Breathing in and out, you take a silver coin out of your cloak and start twirling it in your fingers. Your movements are slower than usual.

Oh. You’re just tired.

You excuse yourself out of the lobby and off to bed, which everyone seems alright with. Or they’ve gotten better at hiding it. You were probably looking more tired than you knew. Stars, you haven’t been paying as much attention to your facial expressions as before. As usual. Was that a good thing? You don’t know.

You change into your sleepwear and lay down. Tonight you and your family members are staying in an inn. The beds are pretty comfortable, at least compared to other places you’ve slept. Once you’re in bed, it doesn’t take long before you start dozing off. It’s nice; it’s been a while since you’ve gone to sleep so easily.

You hear your family members laughing outside, as you dream of the stars.

It doesn’t go as it did before.

Chapter Text

You wake up, which is an odd first step for you. 

Oh stars, not again.

The room you’re in is dark. There’s a bed underneath you. Where are you now? The night before the House might be the answer— 

No, that was looong past now, wasn’t it? You got out, didn’t you? This isn’t real, you must be having some strange…  dream. 

Your eye sees your hands. No, no no no no no! Those aren’t your hands, not anymore!~

So then WHY ARE THEY ATTACHED TO YOU RIGHT NOW.

You’re standing now. You forgot when you got out of bed because of course you did!!! You can’t hold onto a thought for two seconds, now, can you??? A laugh escapes from you before you can stop yourself. Stars, you're bad at this now. You cover your mouth– your blinding disgusting mouth– with your hand as you try to reel in your laughter. 

Someone is in the bed you got out of. Someone who is now halfway sitting up and looking up at you. Not you not you not you not you not you not you not you not you not you not you not you not you not you not you not you not you not you not you not you not you not you not you not you not you not you not you not you not you not you not you—

“Sif, what’s going on?” the Fighter asks.

Changing your expression is still second nature. “Oh, nothing at all.” Stars, wrong intonation. You haven’t warmed up properly. You adjust your tone. “I’m fine. I just need to get some fresh air.”

“Oh, okay. Would you like me to join, or—”

Gently, now, you don’t want to scare him off or worry him, right? “Not right now. I just need to catch my breath.”

“Alrighty, but don’t hesitate to wake me up if you need help. You got it?”

You give a kind smile and nod, which seems to be enough for him as he puts his head back down on the pillow. 

In the bed next to yours– his, not yours– the Housemaiden shuffles around. Mirabelle was always a lighter sleeper, which means she’s probably up right now. You almost think through what to tell her in the morning before realizing that you don’t care.~ 

She’s not yours anymore.

None of them are.

This isn’t your problem anymore. And even if it is, you’re going to find a way out of it.

You’re so blinding predictable.

You grab your– their– cloak and head out the door. You’re sweating some right now, but it’ll be colder outside. You make your way through the building you’re in. It’s unfamiliar, which would be refreshing if you weren’t in some sort of constant tragicomedy as an antagonist, guide, and fool.

As you make your way outside, you find it’s warmer than you thought it’d be. You’re definitely in Vaugarde; the buildings have a certain look to them. But not Dormont. You would remember if this inn was in Dormont. You can’t see a House from here. Knowing you looked for it makes you want to throw up. Which you can do now! Because you’re back in this form again!

You’re back again! You’re back again! You’re back   here    again!~

Ha!~ Hahahahahahaha!

Laughing uproariously, you look out at the Universe, which is everything and everywhere, “You are just hilarious, aren’t you? If you find the time, would you mind showing yourself? I’d find all the satisfaction of wringing your neck right now!!!” 

HahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. 

Okay, you’re over it.

Now, the question of where you are. Vaugarde but not Dormont. Ah, if only you could remember your journey in any way at this point. Everything before escapes you entirely, as all that information has been replaced on exactly where to find all of the stupid keys and crests littered throughout the castle. House. They didn’t call it a castle last time.

Oh, true! Whose timeline are you even in right now? It isn’t as though you can ask someone; you’re the only one who would notice any of the differences. 

You look at the cloak still in your hands. You check the first obvious pocket and find nothing in there. There are a good few hidden pockets tucked away in it, but you don’t find what you’re looking for until you check the one that would go right above your heart. Inside you find your silver coin. This isn’t where you kept it. It isn’t where he kept it either, not when you knew him. So, you were in the after portion of the journey now, the part you thought would never come.

Right above the heart. You want to tease them about this, tell them how awkward they are, but that’s not quite possible now.

So this body is doubly not yours. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. A problem for you to figure out later. For now, it’s fine; you can make due. 

You’ll need to figure out your next entrance, anyways. It may be fine enough to waltz back in and pretend to fall asleep. Maybe even actually fall asleep if you’re unfortunate enough.

But if the Housemaiden confronts you, you wouldn’t know what to say. You could try brushing it off and saying you’ll talk about it in the morning, but that would trap you in a conversation you’d rather not have. 

Such a hypocrite, telling him about how he needs to open up to the party more when you aren’t able to do so yourself. 

Maybe you could, but how would you even begin this conversation? You could try leaving out some details here and there. They don’t need to know about who you are, not really. Maybe they already know; you don’t have access to this Siffrin’s memories, after all. They may have already spilled all of your secrets. 

You would like to talk to him; if he’s still here.

…

One day. You’ll give yourself one day of playing this part as well as you can. If you’re still stuck; you’ll mention the whole “I’m trapped in your friend’s body for unknown reasons” situation to the party. Until then, you know your role. What’s one more performance?

You walk back inside and into the room they’re staying in. When you open the door, the Housemaiden shifts again. She’s almost certainly trying to let you know she’s awake. But you ignore her as you lay in bed and close your eyes, trying to stay as far away from the Fighter as possible without falling.

With any luck, you’ll vanish again before the sun rises.

Chapter Text

You’re used to forgetting things. Memories of some of your fights with the King, the questions you asked him, are frustratingly difficult to conjure up. But the broad strokes are all you need. You’d fought the feeling before, but that was when it fully hit you that you may never remember home. He got the chance to remember. You didn’t. Or maybe you did and it was instantly ripped away from you again. 

Okay, reel yourself back in. That isn’t the problem right now.

No, the problem right now is that you don’t know how you got here.

You’re sitting on a step of some closed down shop in an alleyway, still in Vaugarde. You’re trying to catch your breath. You’re not sure where anyone else is. 

Your hand is on your dagger.

It’s in a strange spot too. The palm of your hand is on the hilt. It doesn’t seem like you were trying to pull it out of your pocket. You were just… touching it. Why?

Why had you hidden yourself away in some random spot in what’s presumably the town you fell asleep in to touch your blinding dagger only to suddenly become incredibly conscious of where you are??? Was this some sort of grounding technique??? Stars, what is wrong with you?!?

Your breathing becomes uneven again. In and out. You need to keep yourself from spiraling, especially with no one here to snap you out of it. 

Retrace your steps, Siffrin. 

You forget a lot, but not like this. You must have woken up at some point. And walked here. You doubt you would’ve taken a wagon alone, even if you were really out of it. 

Were you alone? There’s some sort of fuzzy memory of you in a market. It was really crowded, way too many people. You needed something to do with your hands, so you got a scrap piece of paper, tore it into a square, and made a crane out of it. Someone with you asked you how you could do that. Did you respond?

How long had it been since you made one of those? You knew before your loops. You probably made a few on your journey. You could probably make one if you wanted to, but the muscle memory might be gone. It wasn’t like that in the memory of what you think happened earlier today. You folded the crane like you’d made a thousand of them before. Maybe you had. But would you be able to do it so quickly if you were that zoned out?

“Siffrin!” you hear Mira call out.

“Sif, are you out there?” Isa says.

You stand up a bit unsteadily but find your footing. Stepping out of the alley, you see the two of them a little ways to the left walking around the square, looking for you. You wave at them.

“Oh, there you are!” Mira says as she jogs over to you, “We thought we lost you for a second there. Did you find what you were looking for?”

You glance around for a bit. There was a place obviously selling pastries in the alley you were in, but it seems any other stores are out of business at the moment. “I don’t— I don’t think I did.” You want to think of a joke but none are coming to mind right now.

Should you tell them? It would be worrying, but this is different than before. Which was maybe a good thing??? No, forgetting what must have been several hours of time seemingly out of nowhere couldn’t be a good thing, what were you saying.

You look up from the ground and see that Mira is looking at you. Isa’s by her side now, but he hasn’t said anything. They’re both keeping their distance, more than usual. Okay, say it quickly now before you lose the courage. “I don’t really remember walking here.”

Concerned looks pass over both of their faces, which makes you cringe. You wait a beat, seeing if anyone else will take up the conversation. Isa does so, “Oh. Has that happened before?”

You shake your head. “Was I acting weird?” Having to check on this makes you squirm. You shouldn’t have to rely on them for this information. You start walking in a direction, which is enough of a signal to the others that you’re ready to go to… wherever you guys are going next.

Isa takes the lead as he continues the conversation. “I mean, yeah, a bit. You’ve been a bit shy after you woke up last night. Do you want to talk about it now?”

The way he said ‘now’ makes it sound like you didn’t want to talk about it before, which sounded in character for you. But you were trying to open up a bit more, even if you weren’t good at it in the slightest. 

And he mentioned you waking up last night. You have a spotty enough memory of you being outside, laughing at nothing. Which is something you should remember. It was a recent enough spiral that you should remember what you were laughing about. What you were upset about. What had woken you up. Stars, you don’t remember waking up!

You’ve been quiet too long. “Uh, not right now. I just…” Not a great start, and you don’t know where you’re taking this sentence. But if you let yourself fill it out without paying attention, you might zone out again. Would you lose track of where you were again? “... I just want to be around you guys right now. If that’s okay.” That’s probably enough information for now.

“Of course, that shouldn’t be a problem!” Mira says, “We’ve gotten most of the things we need for the next few days. So, if you want, we can poke around the square for a while. I think there’s a grill over that way if you’re hungry enough for lunch,” she says the last part teasingly. You nod, of course you’re hungry.

The place you all eat in is not fully packed, but there’s enough people there to have the other customers’ conversations fade into the background. Sometimes this amount of background noise would hurt your ears, but luckily that’s not the case today. You all order some travers de porc and grilled peaches, which they surprisingly had in stock despite being out of season. “The King’s curse hit here pretty badly,” Mira explains, “They must still be going through their food that got frozen.”

“I didn’t know peaches grew out here,” you say as you take a bite into one. You had some in Ka Bue a long while ago. These peaches are a bit tougher here, almost tangier. You wonder if that’s from differences in how they were grown, if they weren’t ripe yet, or if being frozen for months affected their taste. 

While you only had pineapple once, the flavor reminds you of them, although these aren’t spicy. You should probably be freaking out about that, but you still like how it tastes. Maybe you’ll panic later, but you’re good for now.

“They were transported here a long time back,” Isa says, “I think Bonnie made some a while back, but it’s been more than a minute.” That sounds familiar. Did you have peaches during the loops? 

You smile a bit. “I like how they taste, so it’s nice to have them again.”

“What? No joke about feeling ‘peachy’?’” Isa asks. Shoot, you should’ve been quicker on that one.

You grin and shake your head. “Nah, that one’s pretty low-hanging fruit.”

That gets a laugh out of Isa and a pained grin from Mira. You’ll call that one a success. 

The whole experience goes really well. The conversation is mostly light in terms of subject matter, which is nice. You haven’t been traveling with everyone in a while, and it’s nice to hear them talk about something new. Isa has made some more sketches of designs he’d like to make once he can find the proper materials (which he had some luck with today). Mira’s really liked traveling with less end-of-the-world stakes involved. 

At one point during the conversation, your hand goes to your pockets. You didn’t pick up anything in the time you were out. At least, you think that until you feel for Loop’s coin. It’s still in the pocket you left it in, but there’s a piece of paper in there as well. 

…

You’ll read it when you get back to the inn.

When you’re done eating, you all don’t linger in the square too much. You must’ve explored earlier. When you weren’t really there. 

Your hand feels for the paper again. Maybe it will have more of an explanation. But there’s an equal chance that it’s some sort of shopping list you made for yourself so you wouldn’t forget what you needed. Either way, you don’t feel like taking it out right now in case it is something concerning.

There are a few times on the walk back that you, Isa, and Mira check in with each other. The times they check in with you, you give them a thumbs up and continue on. You don’t know if it’s convincing.

You spot your nightcap on the ground just outside the door of the inn, which you quickly pick up. It’s kind of dirty, so you’ll want to wash it before wearing it again. But it’s more proof of the holes in your memory, that you were outside last night for some reason.

You excuse yourself to the bathroom. You do want to be around other people in case your memory stops working again, but there’s something in the back of your mind telling you that you should do this in privacy.

You close the door behind you and reach into your pocket. You pull out the paper, which has been neatly folded a few times. You unfold it. The handwriting is just off of your own.

Hello, stranger,

Or at least I hope it is you reading this. It would be rather troubling if you didn’t and someone else found it first, stardust! Though I suppose this Reminder Note wouldn’t be of much use to them. 

So, I’m writing this the first morning of my continued and apparently unceasing existence! For some reason, I seem to be cast as your understudy in this showing, and I don’t quite know why I’ve been called to the stage. But don’t fret, I’ll play your part as well as I can without altering too much. Should be simple. Sit there, nod, quip every now and again. Just until you’re back and ready to go on with the show.

Your Fighter and Housemaiden want you at the market today, so I’ll be joining them. I’ve tried to cue you in a few times already, but you haven’t done a thing. My, you’re a difficult scene partner. I'll keep trying, of course. I’ll even write you another rehearsal report tomorrow should I still be here!

I do hope you tag in soon. Call “Freeze!” and swap out. That should be possible, shouldn’t it? It must be. So then why haven’t you done it already? Why am I still here?

I’ll keep trying. Please return soon. I’m nowhere near line-perfect anymore.

Your helpful ally~

They didn’t sign their name. Probably some way to avoid identification if one of your family members found the note before you. 

You scream into your hands. What was happening??? Why were they back? You’re glad they are. Stars, you’re so blinding relieved that they’re still alive. But why like this? Things had just started to go back to some sort of normal, and now … 

You breathe in and out.

They don’t seem to be trying to take your place anymore, at least if they were being honest at the end of the note. That’s something. They don’t seem to be happy about this.

Should you tell everyone about this? You probably should. But it isn’t just your problem anymore. Did you have to ask their permission for everything? Wasn’t this your life first???

No, that’s unfair to them. You’re both as real as the other. And they clearly didn’t want this any more than you did.

“Loop?” you ask. You wait.

…

No response. 

You want to talk to them. Stars, you want to see them. But you can’t. You don’t know if you’ll ever be able to. Another breath in and out.

…

You need to find another piece of paper.

Chapter Text

Spectating is not the most interesting task, but stars, you need a rest. Preferably one a bit more complete than this, but since when did you have a say in what happens to you?

You check in a few times but are careful to not get too close. You don't want to wind up being stuck out there again. Nothing is really happening anyways. All of them are getting on well enough. There's some emotional moments, some helping whatever town rebuild after the curse, and a lot of down time. You convince yourself to stay out of all of it and stay put for a while.

You're not entirely sure where you are at first, when you’re not out in the world. It’s some sort of beach. You change the shade of the sand a few times. Lightless, dark, light, back to lightless again. You find yourself unable to pick only one, but you don't need to.

There's a nice forest nearby where you spend most of your time. And off in the distance there's a shack with some basic comforts. You don't spend all that much time there. There might be some more places further inland, but you don’t check. 

You look much more like yourself here. You know the transformation had been painful, but your mind was kind enough to block the majority of that out now. It's a memory you don't mind forgetting, even if it was important. Still is important. Whatever it may have been or is now, it isn't your problem to deal with. Either way, you prefer your star body now. It provides you some much needed distance.

Which is of course ripped away when you wind up back in the world by accident.

Your mind’s not fully there as you ease in and out of conversation before fully realizing you're back out. You're in some sort of bar with the taste of wine in your mouth. It's a lot like the one you would pick up in the House on occasion. Is that what brought you here?

The Researcher is sitting near you, sipping on what looks like champagne. No one else seems to be around. You feel a bit floaty. 

You take a look at the menu in front of you, which is rather hard to read. It takes a lot more focus than you’re used to.

Stars, you're already drunk.

“Is something wrong?” the Researcher asks.

You shake your head. Remember your role. “No, probably just need a water. What were we talking about again?”

She points to your hand. “What you picked up from an antique store earlier.” 

Oh, right, you are holding something! Some sort of round, metal contraption. Inside are some characters you don't bother reading at the moment and two differently shaded arrows. The darker one is pointing to the right. It seems familiar, but you can't think of its name. You super can't think of the Vaugardian word for it. “Ah, it's gone now,” you say. You look around the tavern. “Is Isabeau with us?” He usually joined you and Odile whenever you went out to drink, you think. It's been so long you can't be sure.

The Researcher doesn't seem too phased at your question. “Still at the inn. He said something about someone needing to stay there to make sure Boniface doesn't burn the place down. I personally think that could be a fun turn of events.”

You laugh a bit, “They can be quite chaotic.”

“Yes, that's obvious,” the Researcher says. She gives you a look, “Do you know what we did earlier today?”

Oh dear. You hadn't quite been paying attention before now. “Well, I stopped by the antique shop and picked up this,” you lightly shake the contraption, “We had a good lunch and dinner. Fairly standard day.” 

“Mhm. And two days ago?”

Oh, you know that one! “I went with Isabeau and Mirabelle to the market. The— Isabeau got some different types of cloth, and Mirabelle tried to convince shopkeepers to let her pay the full price when they tried giving us a discount for being the ‘saviors of Vauguarde.’”

She pulls out her notebook and glances inside of it. She closes it. “Alright.”

“Any reason for the sudden pop quiz?” you ask. Your voice slips a bit. It's fine, your accent slips out of control when you're drunk anyway.

“You aren't Siffrin, are you?”

You keep yourself from reacting, from laughing, but you don't speak fast enough. Stupid, stupid, stupid!!! Words eventually manage to slur out. “What are you talking about?” 

“You have memories of events from a day that he doesn’t have, you don’t use nicknames for anyone, you’re using the voice they do when teasing someone or trying to pronounce a word they haven’t seen before.” Is that what you’re doing? You’ll have to not do that next time—

Next time? No, no, no!~ This is the only chance you get at this, and you know it. These little slip ups of yours will need to stop soon or…

Odile is looking at you still. You’ve missed your cue, haven’t you?

She gives a small sigh before saying, “You don't need to tell me everything. I simply had friends when I was younger who acted similarly at times. Inconsistent memory, not using the same nicknames between people, slightly different vocal patterns. If you'd prefer I distinguish between you and Siffrin, I’d be willing to do so.”

Oh no no no. This is the exact opposite of what you wanted out of this conversation. “I don't know what you're talking about.” Isn’t that what you said before? You're sounding like a repetitive parrot. You need to say something convincing quickly. Stars, why was your mind working so slowly???

“We can drop the subject for now if you’d prefer. I would just like you to answer one more question.”

“What is it?” you ask, probably more angrily than you need to. 

“Could you name one thing that’s bothering you?” she asks, “It doesn’t need to be a major thing. Just one thing. What’s bothering…?”

You’ve   heard   this   before. You try to zone out. You want to slam your fist against the table and walk out, so why don’t you go ahead and do it? Come on, now, the door is right over there! 

But you’re still sitting here. And it’s still you, you think. Even though you want to leave, you can’t get a way out! Again!

But you got out a few days ago, didn’t you? You keep your hand open as you feel for your dagger. It’s not in either of your pockets. No cheating this time.

Don’t say you’re tired; you know how she’ll react. Think of something small, something that would finally let this conversation die. “I lost a coin.”

“The one you carry with you?”

Technically no; the coin in Siffrin’s pocket is yours. “No, a different one. I was supposed to give it back to someone, and I can’t.” Too true, time to move on. “But I’ve named a thing, haven’t I? So, let’s talk about something else.” 

Stars, speaking to someone one-on-one is far more tiring than you remember. It was different with Siffrin; you just had to be careful to not react too strongly and keep nudging him along. Trying to navigate around Odile is a very different challenge. Before you had your usual script, with the occasional room for new puns. But now…

What even is there to talk about? You shouldn’t know most of what you know about her. And you certainly weren’t going to discuss who you were, even if she has a bit of it figured out already. You can’t let her know, at least not yet. Maybe one day! But first you need to discuss it with someone, someone who you don’t have the liberty of talking to right now.

You eventually settle on, “How long do you think we’ll be here, in the city?” It’s not as though you evaded suspicion before, and you’d like to know this before you all left. Or, at this rate, before you wake up in an entirely new place with no memory of how you got there.

“We’re in northwestern Vaugarde right now and will be helping this city clean up and rebuild for, oh, about a week or so,” she says. She’s adding more details than is necessary, probably for your benefit. “If we’re lucky, we’ll be able to stop by and assist a few more locations before returning Boniface to Bambouche. Their sister will be sending them back to school in about a month.” Ah, so they’ve already reunited with their sister. You try not to think about how you couldn’t see that.

“And we’ll keep traveling from there?”

“Presumably. Mirabelle will be starting her pilgrimage sometime soon, once she’s satisfied with how much she’s helped Vaugarde. And we’ll most likely join her unless she requests otherwise.”

You laugh a little. You’ll stay with them, then. “Well, that sounds nice. And thank you.” You say the last part a bit quietly.

Odile nods. “We should get you a water. No need to get too hungover if you can help it.” 

You accept the suggestion. Most of the evening is quiet, with you and Odile not saying all that much. She was never that big on small talk, and the big talks are things you’re handily trying to avoid mentioning while drunk. 

And there’s something nice about knowing she thinks you’re not Siffrin. It takes off some of the blame you had around the Fighter and Housemaiden. That you were spending time with them, wearing their friend’s face, pretending to be someone they know. 

It isn’t as though you can help it, but you hate it. You hate that you got what you wanted, what you were willing to kill Siffrin for. You get the ending you want, but they’re not talking to you. They’re talking to someone they love, not to you.

You were never going to stop being a stranger to them.

Your chest hurts, and you try to feel for your coin. For a second, you panic when it’s not there before remembering Siffrin keeps it in another pocket now. You go to grab it and feel a piece of paper.

Something to look at when you get back, then.

***

“...ight be able to have some pockets there on the sides,” you hear the Housemaiden say as you approach the door. You open it.

“Oh, never fear. These outfits will have pockets for days!” the Fighter says, “Hey, Sif!” You freeze and wave.

“Isabeau and I are going over some ‘fashion-ology,’” the Housemaiden says, looking directly at Odile.

“Gems alive, not you too.”

The Housemaiden giggles while the Fighter nods with approval. “Yet another joins our cause in naming every field of research known to the world. Our combined forces will be unstoppable.” 

“No rock unturned, no field left unstudied,” the Housemaiden says in faux solemnity. 

You give a small laugh and slip into the bathroom. No one acknowledges this as odd, which is one of the many advantages of the bathroom. It would be strange if someone questioned it, wouldn’t it? Stars, you aren’t thinking very clearly right now.

The conversation outside falls into the background, although you can hear that the Kid has joins in as well. You’d probably need to at least try to go to sleep after this; the combination of being somewhere you shouldn’t while also not being sober was a rather bad one for secret keeping, as you learned.

Odile knows. 

Well, she doesn’t quite know, but she knows more than enough because you weren’t careful enough around her and couldn’t improv your way through the conversation well enough and now she knows despite you trying to convince her otherwise which you failed at quite spectacularly why couldn’t you just evade her questions better you’ve done this better before just get your head back into this you know how this works and this isn’t getting you anywhere, is it?

Follow your own advice. You breathe in and out.

You’ll have to deal with this another time. Anything you try now will just wind up making everything worse, won’t it?

Your hand goes to your coin, to the paper likewise in the pocket. You pull it out. The parchment’s different than the one you found littered in the square a few days ago. He must have found your note from a few days ago, then. You breathe out a sigh of relief as you unfold the paper.

Hello,

Well, I was finally able to play my role for a while. If you want any answers as to how this is happening or why, I know as much as you do. I went to sleep and didn’t become fully aware again until I was alone in an alleyway. I’m guessing that was you trying to cue me in.

I’ve tried talking to you once or twice, but that doesn’t work. I’ll probably try again when I’m alone, but I don’t know if it’ll work.

Writing letters is weird. I don’t like it.

Anyway, I haven’t told anyone. I mean, I mentioned not being able to remember things to Mira and Isa, but they might’ve seen that as the usual for me. I want to check in with you first, if this continues. I don’t know how much you want them to know.

I’m glad you’re back. I missed being able to talk to you. I’ll hopefully see you again.

There was a break between that line and the next, which tells you it was written sometime later.

We helped sort through some of a store’s old produce today, figuring out which ones were still good after being frozen and which ones had gone bad. I had a feelings talk with Mira, which went better than anticipated. We’ll be going to see a matinee performance at a former storehouse tomorrow. I’ll let you know more about it then, assuming you’re still here.

Oh, you’re still here alright. Shame you weren’t following along when the play was happening. No wonder Odile noticed something was off when you didn't mention it earlier. 

Well, you aren’t in the best mind to write a letter. It takes you a long time anyways, even when sober. You’ll still do it but, stars, it was going to be annoying.

You get a hold of a pen, write on the other side of the paper, and tuck it into the cloak’s pocket. Afterwards, you do what needs to be done to prepare yourself to go to sleep. You’re really out of the routine now, so you probably miss a few steps here and there.

You give a final wave to the group before going into the bedroom. The room you all were staying in is divided into a bathroom, general space, and sleeping quarters, so you’re on your own for now. You figure you might as well try to sleep.

Automatically, you try sleeping on your left side. It’s comfortable for a while, until you notice that you can feel your heartbeat. You try to ignore it, but it’s blindingly persistent. 

You get progressively more annoyed. Until out of nowhere you feel yourself calm down a bit. It’s an emotion that you don’t think is coming from you. So, you focus a bit more on your heartbeat. The rate it beats at picks up when you inhale, slows down when you exhale.

After a while, you’re able to ease out of this moment and let someone else take the reins.

Chapter Text

You’re laying on the floor. It’s still early in the morning, but the rest of your family members are up. You should be a bit more awake, but you probably drank too much last night. You’d fallen asleep with your eyepatch still on. 

You can’t remember much of last evening, which is weird because you know your limits well enough not to black out. Was there a chance that looping somehow completely reset your tolerance? Maybe. But there’s also a chance that there’s a new note in your pockets. Which you should probably check on, but everything’s been really bad feeling since you woke up this morning and you don’t need any more stress so… it’s floor time.

The floor in the inn is nice and solid. You’re on the first floor as well, which helps for some reason. Knowing that you’re close to the ground gives you an extra bit of reassurance.

You don’t want to think about your memory gaps or the note that might be in your cloak or what you should tell your family members. 

So, looking at the ceiling, you think of the play you saw yesterday. You’d heard of it before but hadn’t seen or read it, so you only knew the vague idea that it was about a haunted house. Well, more like a haunted island. The play itself was somewhat epistolary, with the framing sequence being a young man hearing an old man’s account of an experience he had back in the day. The old man, in the scenes set in the past that are acted out by the young man, has been hired to go through some old papers at a house no one dares to go near. Past the evening, he cannot leave the house. He slowly unravels the tale of the previous resident, who now haunts the village. He hears traces of her for a while, eventually seeing her. When he returns home, he learns his child has passed. 

The young man comments on the theatrics of the old man’s tale and asks who he hired to be the ghost woman in the presentation he gave. The old man responds that he didn’t. He didn’t see the woman this time, only the young man did. The lights fade, and the curtain falls. During bows, they didn’t have the actress who played the specter reappear, which was an interesting choice. You think about the way they utilized the space, how the lights were used sparingly to reveal very little. And for the little props they had, they certainly— 

“Are you awake, Frin?” you hear Bonnie call from outside the door.

You startle back to now. “Yeah, just a second.” You’re not ready to get up yet, but you have to move eventually. At least you’re mostly dressed for the day, with the exception of your cloak.

But you don’t even get a chance to get off the ground before Bonnie opens the door and walks up to you. “What are you looking at?”

“The ceiling,” you say.

They look up. “Why? It’s just a ceiling.”

“Well, it may not be the best view in the world, but it’s pretty up there.”

“No! Not allowed!” Bonnie yells. You smile to yourself. 

Bonnie places down something next to you. You turn your head to the side. It’s a plate with some leftover omelets from lunch yesterday. “Dile was saying you might be even crabbier than you are other mornings today because you got tired from yesterday. And since you still weren’t up, I thought you might want to have your breakfast here.”

Oh! “That’s very nice of you, Bonnie!” You still haven’t gone back to calling them “Bonbon.” Or would it be going forwards? Either way, you wanted to be sure you were on good terms with them before you started using the nickname. They weren’t mad at you, even after everything was explained to them, but you don’t know.

They give an appreciative “Hmph!” before looking up at the ceiling again. You see them tilt their head, like they’re trying to understand the appeal. 

There’s a knock on the door to the bedroom. You glance over and see Mira standing in the doorway. “Is everything alright in here?”

“Yeah, Frin just made a stupid crabbing pun,” Bonnie says.

You can see Mira looking at you just laying on the ground. “Floor time,” you say while making two thumbs up. You’ve needed floor time every now and again during your journey, although you didn’t always take it if you thought it was inconvenient for the group. 

“Oh! Is this more of a solo floor time, or can I join you?” Mira asks.

You gesture vaguely to an unoccupied bit of floor near you. Mira lays down, her head directly across from yours. From a bird’s eye view, you two must make some sort of line. 

“You guys are weird,” Bonnie says before walking out of the room. “Me, Za, and Dile will be leaving soon! So you’ll have to catch up!” You all were probably going to split up today, anyways. There’s more that you all can do around the city in smaller groups than as a unified front. 

“Okay!” Mira says. She pauses for a moment before asking, “So, is this a feelings buddies talk, or more of a sit down and ponder moment?”

“We can talk; I’ve been pondering long enough,” you say.

“What about, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Just the play from yesterday. What about you? Been pondering anything lately?”

She laughs a little. “Too much pondering over here. That’s why I’ve decided to embrace floor time with open arms.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

You can’t quite see her from where you are, but you can hear her head move. “Not right now. It’ll probably pass soon.” 

There’s a few things this could be about. You decide to go with: “Was it something that happened yesterday evening?” She had gone off on her own into town for a while. You and your family members tended to go in at least groups of two in case you ran into any remaining Sadnesses or any other sort of trouble, but she insisted on having some time on her own yesterday. 

“Can we move on?” she asks.

“It… wasn’t something I did, was it?” You need to check, just in case.

“No?” she says, “We didn’t really… talk much later in the afternoon. Why are you asking?”

“I think I drank too much last night, so the evening’s kind of hazy,” you say. It’s not technically a lie; it might’ve been what happened. You haven’t fully confirmed it yet.

“Oh, okay.” There’s another pause in the conversation. You can’t fully tell from her tone, but you think she believes you on that. You hope she’s okay. She’ll most likely open up about what she’s thinking about eventually, but you don’t want to rush her. You can hear her fidget with the teardrops on her brooch. “Does that one Craft Skill work between other people?”

“Huh?” You don’t know what she’s talking about.

“The one your star friend taught us. You know, where you’re able to talk to them even when you’re in another location.”

You’re glad she can’t see your expression when she mentions Loop. That’s a conversation that’s a bit too close to comfort! But the Craft symbol itself isn’t as big of a deal, so you focus on that. “I don’t know. I think there’s some kind of distance limit; I couldn’t use it on higher floors of the House.”

“Hm.” Mira stands up. “I’m going to try from the bathroom. It could be useful on days like this if we want to check in on the others.”

You nod, which is mostly just tilting your head down and back up from the floor. You hear Mira walk out and close the door. 

A few seconds pass before you feel Craft course through you, like how it feels before you fire off an attack. You haven’t been on the other side of this before, so it’s a bit strange. You sit up and bring your hand next to your face. “Hello?”

“It works!!!” Mirabelle says from the other line.

You laugh and smile, even though she can’t see you. “It does!” You’re really glad that it works, but you don’t entirely know why. Maybe it’s because you have another way to communicate with your family members when they’re a bit further away. Maybe it’s because you feel like you’ve finally resolved something that you learned while stuck in time. Maybe it’s just exciting to discover something new. 

You wonder if you can call Loop with this again. 

You hadn’t tried it before because they weren’t really anywhere, not physically at least. And Craft usually needs some sort of outlet to actually work. 

But also, you were afraid of it not working. If it doesn’t work, is there anything else you can do? Or would the two of you be stuck passing notes to each other until… Stars, you don’t know if there is an “until” in this situation. Until one of you is permanently in control? Until you somehow become one? Neither of those sound right to you, at least not for the two of you.

“Siffrin?” Mira asks. 

Oh, stars, you zoned out on accident. “Yeah?”

“I thought you hung up on me for a second there. Anyway, are you up to taking a look around the town? If you need more time, I get it, but it’s getting a bit later in the day now, and…”

“Yeah, that sounds good. I just need to finish getting ready.”

“Okay! I’ll be sitting in the lounge area. Come out when you’re ready!”

The signal goes out, and you feel the Craft in your hand fizzle out. Okay, so she knows how to hang up. 

You don’t have too much to do. You eat the omelet that Bonnie brought you. It’s still a little bit warm.

And then you go and pick up your cloak. You do a quick check of all your pockets and find a metal contraption in one. Right, you bought this yesterday. The name escapes you, but you put it on the table beside your bed.

The final pocket you check is the one with the coin. Sure enough, you pull out a piece of paper, keeping your eye closed for a second. The paper has writing on the outside of it. You unfold it. It looks like Loop used the same paper that you used for the past couple of days. Their handwriting is sloppier than before, probably because you were drunk. 

Hello, stardust~

Quick letter tonight; we’re qute drunk. Well by we I mean well you get it. Anyway! Bad news, or maybe good news, your Researcher is blidngly perceptive. She was able to tell that I’m a few steps off from you. No name or anything specifically about me but shes a little aware. You can talk to her about it just don’t tell her exactly who I am. That’s all I have today.

Bye!~

Stars above, you were only gone for a few hours! What in the world happened? 

Okay, you’ll definitely have to bring this up with Odile at some point. Alone, preferably. Shouldn’t seem too suspicious to the others; you two go out on your own fairly frequently anyway. And you’ll tell her… You’ll figure that out later. For now, you’re fine. And you need to go with Mira soon before she gets concerned. 

This isn’t like before; you’ll figure this out. You’re fine.

You walk out of the bedroom and greet Mira.

———

The walk through town is fairly nice. Mira’s found a more scenic path that’s a bit quieter, so you both take that way. You don’t talk too much along the way, but you do take a look around the alleys and squares you move through. It reminds you a bit of Corbeaux, from the limited time you were there. You think it’s a bit larger than Corbeaux on account of how active this city is and how you still haven’t seen the city’s House, despite knowing there’s at least one somewhere within walking distance. Then again, the last time you were in Corbeaux it was almost entirely frozen, so that may have made it seem smaller. 

You and Mira run across a store that’s getting ready to reopen and offer your help. It’s mostly trying to sort things in storage and making sure that nothing too noteworthy was stolen while the shopkeeper was frozen. There’s a few small things here and there that might’ve gone missing, but it’s honestly not as much as you thought would be missing. The shopkeeper herself is fairly affable if kind of quiet and thanks you both for helping. It feels nice, being able to do something for others, even in a small way.

The feeling fades fast when you walk out of the shop and see people running away from something. Mira stops one person whose arm looks broken. “What’s happening?” she asks them while using her Super Sparkle Heal.

“Thank you. A strong Sadness hit the square,” the person says. Mira lets them go, and they run further away.

Without thinking, you snap your fingers, as you and Mira get a little faster. You two don’t speak as you run in the direction others are fleeing from. In the square, you see a large, goopy figure on the ground. It looks like it has fallen forwards, but that could also be how it moves. Its face is barely visible, but it is looking ahead at some people in front of it. It throws a fist towards one of the onlookers trying to escape.

“Everyone get back! We’ll distract it!” Mirabelle yells. Some onlookers who previously seemed frozen by fear follow her advice. 

You’re not as experienced in fighting anymore. Since the King’s defeat, Sadnesses have become much rarer. Normally this wouldn’t worry you, but you can see its clenched fists. The two of you against a Rock type is not ideal. “Do you have supplies on you?” you ask Mirabelle. 

She nods as she gives a smile, bringing up both of your strengths. 

The Sadness is focused on the two of you now. It aims for you, as you feel a large force of energy push you back. 

Stars, that did more than you thought it would. You give a toast, ensuring you and Mira will keep healing.

Mira’s turn. She casts out an Artsy Silent Burst, which takes the Sadness back a bit.

But it charges again. You see its hand coming for you as you brace yourself. Upon impact, you are knocked into the air and onto the ground. 

Your head’s spinning… 

You’ll probably pass out in a second. 

It’s no surprise when you fall unconscious.

Chapter Text

You wake up to the taste of citrus. Crafted Water. You get up immediately. You and your (family members)[party] allies are more than used to this feeling now.

Mirabelle is standing a bit away from you, currently taking a blow from a Rock type Sadness. 

Seeing the opportunity, you grit your teeth and slice with one Tear You Apart. It takes much more effort than before. 

Before? You haven't used this skill before, have you? Not personally, anyways. 

Yes, you have, back in the House. You used it a lot, didn't you? 

It doesn't matter right now! Right now, what matters is that you probably won't be able to use that skill again for the rest of the battle. But the Sadness is looking rather weak after that hit.

Mirabelle casts a Jolly Round Rondo, dealing the final blow. The Sadness poofs away. 

She runs over to you and lets off another Super Sparkle Heal. You give an appreciative smile as you feel the rest of your health restore. “A-Are you alright?” she asks, “I thought it was slower than it was, so I didn't—”

“You're fine; it all worked out, didn't it? It was just a bad type match-up.” Mirabelle nods but doesn't seem too convinced. “Breathe with me?” you ask.

You all take a breath in and out. “Thank you, Siffrin,” she says afterwards.

Hearing that takes you aback. Why was that so strange? You still say, “No, thank you! I couldn't have done that on my own,” without much difficulty, but you look around. No one else is nearby. But you knew that already! You walked here with Mirabelle, after all. 

Did you, now? Well, clearly, you remember it. You helped out the shopkeeper earlier. But why was everything feeling so…

Stars, who are we right now?

“Should we tell the others what happened?” we ask, making the fourth Craft symbol to emphasize what we're talking about. 

“Um, I guess we could. I mean, it's been a while since we've had to fight something that strong, so that might be for the best. Siffrin, are you…”

We give a smile and a thumbs up as she starts the final sentence. Oh, that wasn't convincing at all , what are we doing. But it doesn't need to be that convincing , we just need an opening to work this out. “I just need a second on my own.” Okay, better.

She walks off to a nearby staircase where she makes the fourth Craft symbol and starts talking. We go in a different direction to where we're out of sight and earshot but still close enough just in case…

In case of what?

We pull out the coin from (your)[their] the pocket. “You can hear me, right?” we ask. We can, no problem.

Okay, would this help? We make the fourth Craft symbol and think (“I’d like to speak with Loop”)[“Boy, I’d sure love to speak with stardust right now!”] really hard as you feel a headache coming on.

Presumably, somewhere, the Universe flips a coin and decides on who to send back.

“Still with me, stardust?”

(Yeah, I'm… somewhere.)

You breathe out a massive sigh of relief and laugh at being able to hear him. “You are!” You can't stop yourself from laughing more. Okay, that's more than enough now. Reel yourself back in a bit.

(So, was that both of us just now?)

“I believe so. I couldn't quite tell what was coming from you and what was coming from me, though.”

You can hear them laugh a bit. (I didn't think this would work. It's good to talk to you.)

“Yes, it is.” Stars, what do you even say??? You usually carry the conversations between the two of you, and nothing’s coming to mind right now. There's so much that needs to be discussed, and you have to do this fairly fast. You're doing your best to ignore the impending headache, but it may grow into a migraine if you're not careful. This Craft isn't meant to be used this way, after all.

(Let's talk about something.)

“Hm? Like what, stardust?”

(... Is having a body uncomfortable for you?)

You can't help but laugh again. “I had a body when I was helping you out, stardust! A very different-looking and different-working one, but it's not too difficult to remember how to exist. When we're sober, at least.~”

(You know that's not what I'm asking about.)

You grimace. “It's just that this one is… not quite suited for me, not anymore. But since there's not much we can do about it, I'm doing my best not to focus on it. I'm sure you're familiar.”

(Yeah, I get that. Would different clothes help? Just for whenever—)

“NO. I'm not quite out here on purpose, so there's no need.”

(But if you wanted…)

“Different subject, now!~ So, what are you planning on telling them?”

(I could ask you the same question.)

“Ha!” You realize he's being serious. “Oh, come on now. You know that you’re the one who they'd be worried about. I'm not that important in all of it.”

(That's not true. They still want to thank you for everything, even if they don't know the full extent of it. And… I don't know how much information you want them to know.)

“Do they know anything about…”

(They know that you're someone named “Loop” who helped me with being stuck in time. I think afterwards they figured you walked off or died or something along those lines because they've kept mentioning you to a minimum. I haven't mentioned anything about what's happening now apart from some memory issues. So, overall, probably not that much more than what you already told them, with a few details about what we did in the loops themselves.)

“Leaving all the hard work for me then,” you tease. Mostly. What would you tell them? How in the world would that conversation go? Nowhere good, that’s for certain. “Can we swap out now? Your Housemaiden will probably want to talk to you.”

(I don’t know how to.)

“Excuse me?!?” Keep yourself from reacting too strongly; you are somewhat in public, now. Ignore the headache.

(I think we’ve only successfully swapped out twice? And they were both you calling on me, so I don’t… I usually don’t remember much of anything when you’re out.)

Oh. That isn’t the case for you. “Didn’t you say you’re somewhere right now?”

(Yeah, but I can’t really see much. I’m on a shore, I think? I can see what you’re seeing through some water, sort of. Everything around me is really blurry, if that makes any sense.)

Well, that sounds like where you go when not out and about. But it’s usually clear enough for you to explore, if you feel like it. “That… sounds right. It’s similar to what I…” Your head throbs, “We’ll need to wrap this up, soon. I’d rather not deal with Craft exhaustion after yesterday.”

(That’s probably for the best. I’ll try to swap out when I can, if I can figure it out. Until then, tell the others what you want, just don’t…)

“I’m not going to scare them intentionally, stardust,” you say. Your head is full of static and your chest is burning, which is more than enough sign to hang up. “Have to go now, but let’s chat again soon, okay? Bye!~” Even though they probably can’t see you all the way, you still wave as you hang up the call.

You breathe out as the Craft fizzles out. Okay, so the calls have a limit to them. But they do work in a pinch, which is good to know.

Now, you’re a bit more certain of where you are now. Your and Siffrin’s memories got a bit jumbled during the fight, so you know that the Housemaiden isn’t far off. And that soon the whole party would be here! Fun!

“Siffrin?” the Housemaiden asks, walking up to you. 

Alright, you should only need to deal with this for a short while. You can fade into the background when everyone else is here. Keep up appearances. “Hey, Mira!” you say.

“I’m sorry again,” she says, “I should’ve strategized better. Are you still hurt?”

Other than the static that was scraping the inside of your head but has since started to fade, no. “You got everything, don’t worry about it.” Switch topics. “Will the others be here soon?”

“Yes, they should be on their way now. They aren’t too far away or anything,” she says. She shifts slightly. Different beat in the scene, new action for her to try. You prepare yourself. “I don’t want to have to keep guessing. What’s going on with you right now? Can you tell me?”

You should try for a joke to put her at ease, but you haven’t had any new material in a while now. “Not right now. Maybe later, but now—”

“You said that a few days ago,” she says. Right, she’d remember all of that. Stars, you’ve flubbed this one badly. “I get wanting to see how things go before sharing, but you know we want to know whether or not you’re baseline okay.” It’s a nice sentiment, but you know it’s not you that she’s worried about. The Housemaiden sighs, copying your breathing exercise. “At least tell me this: does it somehow involve what you didn’t want to talk about at the market?”

You pause for a second before nodding. “Yeah, it’s related. Some of it has gotten better, but I don’t know… I don’t know if it’s going to actually… resolve.” Stop talking, stop talking, stop talking. You’re going to scare her, stop   talking.

“Oh. On a scale from one to ‘almost accidentally ending the world…’ where would you say this is?”

You laugh before you can even think. You do your best to gradient from your laugh into more of Siffrin’s snicker. “Right now? Probably a six.” Deflect. “What about you? With the thing you don’t want to talk about.” You shouldn’t really know about this, but it’s fine. 

“Um, four at the moment.” Oh, that’s higher than you were expecting. Assuming that zero or one is considered ‘baseline okay,’ in her words. “I’ll probably feel better about it the more time passes, though, so it’s not too bad.”

You wish , nope! Not using that word! You’d like for the Fighter to be here right now. He was always better at this than you were. 

She sits down on a bench the two of you are standing near. You think that joining her is what would be expected, so you join her. She points her two index fingers towards you. You stare at them for a while. She’s looking at you like she’s expecting you to do something.

Oh, right! This is a game! What is it called again?

“It’s ‘Sticks,’ Siffrin,” she says, giggling a little. You forget basic things often, anyways.

You copy her hands and stick out your index fingers. She starts, tapping your left hand. You put out another finger. You tap her right hand with your left hand. She, with three fingers out on her right hand, taps your left hand. Three, four, five, and your hand is out. You put it behind your back.

Your turn. Now, you can tap her right hand, giving her a total of four. Which would end everything in one round. Instead, you tap her left hand. She smiles and taps your hand with her left hand. Three now. You tap her left hand, moving it out of the game. 

It’s her turn, and you just have the one hand left. “Finish me off!” you say lightheartedly.

Mirabelle looks confused as she taps your hand. Four, five, and out. “You could’ve bumped your hands together and brought the other one back in. That’s how you play it, right?”

…

In fairness, it has been a long time since you’ve played.

“I see them over there!” you hear the Kid call out.

You look over and see the rest of the party heading in your direction. “Well, I’ll remember for next time, then!” You give a thumbs-up for effect. The cloak makes it difficult to talk with your hands most of the time, which is probably for the best. That’s much more of a you thing, anyways.

“Still alive, I see,” Odile says. You try to do the ‘hiding-with-your-hat’ move that Siffrin always did before remembering that he doesn’t have the hat anymore. So, you just bury yourself in the collar of the cloak. 

The square around you has started to be a bit more lively since the Sadness attack. People were probably used to it now. There must be some sort of contingency for when one attacks, but you all were simply quicker than that. 

“It isn’t going to reform, is it?” you ask. It has been on your mind for more than a minute now, but no one else seems quite concerned.

“I suppose there’s a chance, but it would need a strong source to do so, which may not be in the same spot. It would most likely be weaker on a second round as well; it isn’t like how the Sadnesses respawned in Dormont’s House,” Odile says. 

You nod. Well then, that’s one less thing to hold in your brain. 

The party starts their banter. You remain silent for the most part. An occasional sentence here or there. Enough to hopefully keep them from wondering about you. It goes well, you think. You were never that good at improv, and you’re more than a little rusty now, but no time like the present to get in some practice.

But you’re more than aware in one area where you keep slipping up: eye contact. Sometimes you look up and notice one of the party members is looking at you or near you, which makes you look back down. It’s a very simple note that you should be able to work on, but it’s not like you’re forgetting to do it. No. 

You just can’t look at them.

But they look at you.

Odile’s looking at you .

Fine. You’ll try and talk to her. Later.

For now, keep up the act.

***

You ask her if you two can talk outside of the inn. There’s a few reasons. For one, you don’t want there to be a chance of another member of their party overhearing your conversation. You’d also like to talk on more of a neutral ground, one that neither of you are familiar with. And you don’t like being inside for too long anymore. You like seeing the sky when you can.

It’s a cloudy day today. You guide Odile over to a spot near the edge of a forest. 

“There’s something you would like to discuss?” Odile asks.

You smile as you try to search for the words. Something’s holding you back. You’ve gone all this way already, so just go out and say it! Siffrin is fine if you tell her. In fact, they seem to encourage it! So, there’s no need for you to be worried right now. There’s no need to hesitate right now! There’s no need to keep this from her. She will probably figure it out anyways. Stars, she already has. “I… I…” Just say what you need to! Get it out there! 

You take a deep breath in and out. You shake your arms and head, keeping your eye closed to avoid Odile’s reaction to that. Loosen up. 

And… drop character.

Mostly.

“I want to redo our conversation at the bar yesterday,” you say. You’re a bit careful with your voice. Balance between sounding like yourself and not sounding exactly like you did while guiding the party through the House. “It’s been brought to my attention that I got some details wrong.”

“Hm. Such as?”

“When I said that we had a fairly standard day. I didn’t really forget about the play, it just… wasn’t there. Because, and the second thing I need to amend, I did know what you were talking about when you said…” Your voice stops working.

Odile doesn’t respond immediately. She looks at you for a moment before saying, “We have time, if you need it.”

No, you don’t trust yourself to talk about this any later. “You know that I’m not… I’m not Siffrin.” That’s harder to say than anticipated. For some reason, you feel like crying. 

You expect her to smirk, satisfied that she was correct. But she's still just looking at you. “Ah. Well then, who would you be?”

“Name’s not that important right now,” you say. You're not about to give yourself a fourth name after you just recently started getting used to the newest one you chose. And you’re certainly not going to reintroduce yourself; there’s too many questions wrapped up in that topic that you are not going to answer.

“Alright. Then, and you don't need to tell me if you don't know or don't want to say it for any number of reasons, how many of you are there?”

“Excuse me?” 

“The different parts you all shift between. You are one. Siffrin is another. Do you know how many there are in total?”

You're pretty sure on this answer but do a quick mental scan just in case. “Just… us? The two of us?”

Odile looks surprised at this. “Oh. Sorry, it's just that those that I know in similar situations had over a dozen last I checked. And I haven't personally looked into it much, but I was under the assumption that two would be a rather uncommon number.”

A dozen? You remember her saying that you weren't the only one in a position like this, but you hadn't imagined that. “Stars, that’s a lot!” 

She doesn’t respond with anything but a small smile before asking, “And I would assume that Siffrin knows about you.”

You nod, “Recent development and everything, but, yes, they’re aware. They just… don’t remember much when I’m out.” 

She seems to consider this for a moment. “Final question for now, then. Have I spoken with you before? Other than yesterday, of course.”

You don’t know what expression passes across your face, but Odile reacts with minor confusion. 

Oh, how to answer this question. How to answer! Because you have at least once. But but but, you’ve spoken to her quite a bit! You had her lines memorized and everything. 

But that wasn’t her , now, was it? There are some words this Researcher says here and there that sound different from your Researcher. You can’t pin them exactly. Stars, you don’t even know if there are any actual differences!!! When was the last time your memory had been reliable, anyways?!?

Come on, this is an easy enough question! Just say “no,” and she’ll just move on. 

But you can’t say that.

You know her. Or you think you know her. You thought you did at one point, anyways. You’ve talked to her but you haven’t but haven’t you?

You want to remember your journey right now. Wouldn’t that be the same, at least? Or were there all these small, almost insignificant changes between your life and his that made you just different enough that you couldn’t rely on that information at all? Does it even matter??? Every time you try to think of something before, all you can conjure up are hallways you know like the back of your hand and where to find those stupid, blinding keys!!! Everything else is gone! It’s just keys now!

It’s been far too long since you’ve said anything. This isn’t working. This isn’t working. This isn’t working this isn’t working this isn’t working this isn’t working this isn’t working this isn’t working this isn’t working this isn’t working this isn’t working this isn’t working just loop back already this isn’t working this isn’t working this isn’t working…

You zone out.

Chapter Text

You’re not breathing when you go back out. You’d been watching the parts of the conversation from what you could see, and you could feel when it took a turn. When Loop wanted out more than usual.

For some reason, that made it click, and now you’re out here. 

You breathe in, and out. And look up at Odile, who has moved closer to you. “It’s me now. It’s Siffrin,” you say. 

“Oh, I didn’t mean…” She pauses for a moment, crossing her arms. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten them.”

“No, it’s… You couldn’t have predicted their response to that.” The world around you feels strange. Your hands feel like they’re not in the right proportion to the ground. It’s like you’re looking at everything through a pane of glass. “We’ve been trying to figure out how to tell everyone, and it’s… it’s been difficult.” You don’t want to be talking about this, but it would look really bad if you tried to change the conversation now. Stars, you haven’t done that mid-conversation before. You’re glad you were able to get Loop out of the situation before they could spiral too far, but now you have to see this conversation through. 

“I can imagine,” Odile says, “Though I’m surprised you’re getting ahead of this now, if it’s as recent as they mentioned.”

You give a nervous smile. “Well, trying to do better and everything. And it’s probably better to explain before something goes weird.” You don’t mention that you feel like you need to get it out of the way quickly. If you keep this going without explaining it to everyone, there’s a chance you might decide to not explain for some sort of reasoning that your brain will definitely come up with if given the opportunity. If it becomes more inconvenient to tell everyone, would you ever be able to do it? Maybe if something bad happens, but you don’t want to go down a path like that again.

“Hm. Anything I can do to help?” Odile asks. You can tell she’s trying to be gentle about this. 

You pause and think. Is there much that she can do to help? She can’t tell your other family members, not unless you clear that with Loop first. You don’t know if she can help you out with any of that. Although, maybe… “Do you know what makes us swap out like that?” You were able to do it just now because it felt like an emergency, but the other times, you weren’t sure why it happened.

“Ah. Well, I believe it functions similarly to other things you’ve had to deal with recently.” She’s being vague, but you know what she means. “Sometimes the reason is difficult to pinpoint, but it can be tied to certain triggers that will either call one of you out, or send the one in front back. I’m making assumptions, of course; I don’t deal with this myself.”

You nod. You think that makes sense. The first time Loop forced themselves back, they touched your dagger. While you don’t think they were planning on using it, they might’ve guessed it would get your attention. Which it did, but you two should definitely talk through a different method because that was blinding awful on your end. The next time you and Odile were talking about… “What were we talking about? When we were at the bar. Before I…”

Odile flips through a few pages in her notebook. “The navigation device you purchased. You said you’ve used one before.”

Had you? You don’t remember. Or had Loop brought it up with her and she just hadn’t noticed the switch yet? 

You don’t like not knowing which of the memory problems was causing this blank spot. Not like it’s something you can control on either end, but it feels worse somehow. You’d like an answer. You’re not going to get one.

Back to answers you might get. You went back out sometime that night or early morning, but you were half-asleep when it happened, so that’s probably a dead-end. You and Loop have both fought a lot of Sadnesses, so did your brain not know who to send out when the Crafted Water brought you back? And why did it send you back when you tried to call each other? More non-answers.

You know why you’re out this time, though. But… “Is it always something bad?”

“No, I know that much. A friend of mine would be careful about eating certain sweets because there was a chance it would bring out a different part mid-conversation who really liked that sort of treat. If you want, I can try and keep track of your switches if I notice them. To help pinpoint some of the causes and all.”

You think about it. “Sure. Just… probably don’t bring up stuff from the past with…” What would be a good way to refer to them without getting too specific? Too late, you need to say something. “...the other one. Unless they mention it first.”

“Noted. Were they there for…?”

“Yeah.”

She seems to get the message that you don’t want to elaborate on that. You and Odile walk back to the interior of the inn without saying much else.

———

Bonnie is standing in the hallways outside of you and your family members’ room. They knock on the door twice and smile at you. You smile back, even though you’re not exactly sure what’s going on. “When you go inside, you have to close your eyes!” Bonnie says.

“Why?” you ask. You get closer to the door, put your hand on the handle, but don’t open it.

“Those are the rules,” they say. Well, you can’t argue with that. You cover both eyes with your free hand and turn the knob. You pause for a second, about to make a joke, but you aren’t fast enough! “Incoming!” you hear Bonnie say as they push you through the door. They’ve been using that word to warn you when they were about to touch you. So far it’s been a fifty/fifty chance if it meant that they were going to hug you or try to tackle you. 

You halfway stumble through the door. You wave, although you don’t know if there’s anyone here that you’re waving at. “Odile, you can tell me. Am I about to be murdered?”

“You’ll have to find that out on your own,” she says. You turn in her direction and give a fake frown. How dare she let you perish in this way.

“Alright then, if we’re making a show of this, put out your hand, Sif,” Isa says. 

You do so. There’s a second where nothing happens before you feel something placed on your hand. It’s a bit unbalanced, so you almost drop it. You catch it before it slips away. Whatever it it; it’s light.

“You can look now,” Mira says.

You uncover your eye and see that you’re holding a plush imitation of a cat. Its legs, paws, and parts of its torso and face are darkless while most of it is striped, with a variety of different shades. It has stray whiskers by its nose and two dot-shaped eyes. It’s familiar to you.

“I saw that you were looking at it for a while when we were helping the shopkeeper earlier, so I thought you might like it!” Mira says, “I didn’t really expect it to be much of a surprise, but I guess that’s the direction this is going now. So… there you are!”

…

Stuffed animal. You know the word for it this time.

You’re smiling; you didn’t even realize it before. You’re kind of embarrassed to be at the center of everyone’s attention right now. But you do really like this gift. “Thank you, Mira,” you say.

“Oh, I should also mention…” She motions for you to turn it over. “I actually didn’t notice until after I bought it, but I think it has a small tear.” 

You check and, yep, it does. There’s a rip along the seam on its stomach. No stuffing is coming out yet, but it’ll need to be fixed. It shouldn’t be much of a problem for all of you. “Do you have some thread?” you ask Isa, “This little guy needs some stitches.”

“Of course!” he says. He goes and grabs a needle and darkless thread. He sits down on the couch with the materials.

You sit beside him. Bonnie sits next to you, on the armrest. “Cat surgery?” they ask.

“Cat surgery,” Isa replies.

You nod. Cat surgery.

Even though Isa has more experience, you handle the stitching. It’s a pretty simple job, and you’ve done it enough. When you were traveling, you had to repair your shirts and pants on your own a few times. You’re not the neatest at it, but you’re functional. With the stuffed animal, though, you’re careful to make the job look nice and clean. You don’t realize you’re muttering for a while, but you hear yourself eventually. Huh! So you do that for other types of crafting too. Weird!

When it’s done, you hold the cat up to Bonnie.

“Aw, look at that, Bon-Bon, the cat likes you!” Isa says.

They pick up the cat from your hands and look it over. “Stripey Cat, attack!” they yell as they toss the cat at your chest. 

You dramatically fall over. “Oh no! I’ve been defeated!” you laugh. 

This feels nice. It feels like before, to the extent that anything can feel like before. You’re used to everyone being more careful around you now, even if they weren’t doing it intentionally. So having everyone just laugh and not worry… You like it whenever moments like these happen. 

When you sit back up, you give the stuffed animal a small hug. It’s nice to have. You know you can’t remember your childhood. You know that you had one, you have some proof of that. It was a happy one, you think. And even though there’s no chance that Stripey Cat came from your country, you’d like to think you had something similar once. Even if it isn’t true, it’s a nice thought. 

You catch yourself wondering if Loop is watching. Would this be nice for them too? Or would it just hurt?

You try to reach out but don’t get anything as a response. You’re still not sure if that’s not how it works or if they’re ignoring you on purpose.

If they are watching, you hope this is at least a little bit comforting for them too.

Chapter Text

You pull the hands attached to you away before you can even register who you’re with, the one who was holding on to them. You close your eye. No, not again not again not again. 

You’ve been doing your absolute best at trying to disappear off in the back of your mind. Pull the curtain down, end this show. But the Universe just won’t let you, will they??

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to step in it.” You can recognize the Fighter’s voice immediately.

You still don’t look at him. Stars, what is wrong with you??? Is this supposed to keep him from figuring you out? You’re doing a blinding awful job if so! 

“Sif, what’s…”

You reach for your dagger. You’re not wearing a cloak right now, so access is easier. You need to get out get out get out get out get out get out get out get out get out—

There’s nothing in your pockets. You open your eye and give a nervous-looking smile to the Fighter. Falter. Make this look like you just misplaced something. “Oh, I don’t— I just wanted to check on something. Did I…” Ruin something? You know you did.

“Are you looking for your dagger?” he asks. 

You nod. “I just wanted to make sure I hadn’t been robbed.” It’s a bit of a gamble as to if Siffrin’s been out and about recently, but based on the light coming through the windows, it seems like later on in the day. Although…

Those aren’t the windows from the last inn you were at. So you’ve been dozing off for a while now, haven’t you? Ignoring any cues or calls, just trying so desperately to stay right where you were. Because why wouldn’t you? Staying in one spot is what you do the best!!!

And a look starts to pass on the Fighter’s face, but he reigns it in. His arms are crossed now. They’d been out before, when he was— Oh! He and Siffrin were holding hands, how cute. And you just had to interrupt, didn’t you? Sure, you hadn’t done it intentionally, but did it matter?

“Is it something you can talk about with me?” he asks. You can hear something in his voice, a twinge more of concern than you expected. Ah, so he knows some of the details about how Siffrin played with their dagger? Well, that makes your whole action just so much worse! Worse, worse, worse!

“What is there to talk about?” you ask. This time you don’t even bother with the voice. What would he do, anyways? You’ve already acted out basically the worst possible series of actions you can within thirty seconds of each other!!! So, what would happen with this? How many buttons could you press? 

No, no, no. Stop. Stop it stop it stop it. What are you doing you know you can’t undo this anymore you terrible terrible terrible terrible terrible—

“Whoa, whoa. Hey, do you need to sit down, Sif?” Why is he asking you this? Stars, you’re sharking, aren’t you. Of course you are, you’re curled in on yourself— not yourself . You can see the wrists of the arms you have right now, they have little light dots on them that you don’t remember when did he do that you weren’t paying enough attention you—

“Sif…” he reaches out towards you.

“DON’T CALL ME THAT.”

…

Everything   stops.

…

He looks… confused. Like he’s trying to process what you just said to him. “We’re sitting down for this, okay?” he says.

The Fighter walks over from the table you’re standing by and sits down on a couch. He pats the seat next to him twice. You follow his motions. This couch isn’t as comfortable as the one before.

“Alright, so!” he shifts to face you, “Is it the nickname or the full name that’s the problem?”

You don’t face him. You try reaching back, try zoning out. You think some time passes, but you just… keep looking at nothing. Well, it’s out there now. So, go ahead and tell him. 

Tell him what? Odile had something of a baseline as to what you’re experiencing that she mostly knew what not to ask. Where should you take this conversation?  ‘Oh, hello, I’m a different version of your good friend but not the one that you know but I am currently sharing a body and somewhat of a mind with them but I did know him before. Right, you met me the once but you don’t know that I also tried to kill stardust to take their place and also let you all die with no remorse because I could hardly recognize you as people anymore and you certainly don’t recognize me. Teehee!’ That isn’t… that isn’t something you can share.

“If it’s something I did, you can tell me,” he says, “You know I can take a hit.”

Before you can really process what you’re doing, you’re taking off the eyepatch. It feels tight on the face right now. Which is ridiculous; you know it fits perfectly. Stars, he made it for you, didn’t he? And now… it’s just a part of a costume you can’t keep up with.

You don’t… want to keep acting. 

“No, I’m the one who’s the problem here. It’s just… you’re not talking to me right now,” you say. Stars, what an awful choice of words! “But not like—! It’s not on your part! And not because… My, I’m doing a terrible job at explaining, aren’t I???”

“Take the time you need; I get it.”

Everyone in this party is too blinding caring. It would be easier if they weren’t. If you could just blow up at them and make them hate you, that’d be easier. But every time you get anywhere near that level, you can never fully commit. Not to telling them who you were, not to killing Siffrin, not to an emotional outburst. Because look at them! They love Siffrin so much that they think it’s ‘nice’ or ‘cute’ that he almost fully ended the world!!! 

But you’re… “You were speaking to someone else a minute ago. I…” you move your hand to your chest for emphasis, “...am not them! Stardust might still be listening, and he’ll be back at some point. But you’re stuck with me for now!~” You’re doing the full Loop voice, much more than you did while guiding the party through the House. Worst foot forward, now. Can’t get too attached!

The Fighter slowly nods. He seems to consider you for a moment. “Are you…?”

“Joking? Hardly. That word applies more to my general existence than the words I’m saying. I’d like for this to be some sort of set-up, but it’s not!!!”

“No, I got that much,” he says, smiling a bit. Stars, how could he be smiling at this? Is he trying to put you at ease the same way you would used to smile at your party?? Because it’s not working!!! “What I guess I wanted to say is that I was thinking, and I may very well be wrong here, that you sounded a lot like that star person we met. With the way you were talking about Sif and all.”

You laugh. Did you forget??? He’s smart, he’s perceptive, he can remember things better than you ever could! But, then again, you were deliberately not being subtle. A part of you wanted to see how long it would take, if he would notice, if he’d remember…

And it didn’t take long at all. 

“I wasn’t trying to necessarily hide it from you, Fighter. I don’t know if you believe this, but I can call your little friend names that aren’t ‘stardust’ if I feel like it!” 

You do your best not to look directly at him. If he’s looking at you like he did when he saw you at the Favor Tree… You don’t think you can handle that again. You know him. He doesn’t know you.

“Okay! Well, it’s good to see you again, then. It was Loop, right?”

Yes, it was. And it is. But hearing him say it, hearing any of them say it… It makes you freeze. There’s something in you that tells you they shouldn’t know that. They shouldn’t know this name. You weren’t supposed to be called this name by them. You were supposed to be gone, having fulfilled your purpose. 

“Helpful Loop!” you reply, “Now moonlighting as a rogue.”

Isabeau furrows his eyebrows. “And how did you… Pardon me for asking, but you were separate before, weren’t you? So then, why…?” He doesn’t need to finish his sentence.

“I don’t know!” You say it playfully, but you’re telling the truth. You don’t know! “I vanished after the whole time loop situation was resolved, so I guess the Universe had to put me somewhere!” And where else other than the container you used to inhabit? 

“Huh, weird,” he says quietly before redirecting, “Uh, not anything bad about you! It’s just like if a dolphin just started walking on land one day out of nowhere. That kind of weird!”

“Am I the dolphin in this simile?”

“No, you’re… I don’t know what I’m going on about. Anyway, has this been going on since the King?”

“Not quite,” you say, “I don’t remember anything until— Ah, you might remember! I woke up in the middle of the night and had a bit of a moment.” He takes some time to respond. “Oh, of course that doesn’t narrow it down since we’re talking about—”

“Hey,” he says as a warning. Right, no bad-talking Siffrin in front of him. 

You back off. This is a second impression, after all! They’re very important. “Back at the last inn, I think. Over in northwestern Vaugarde. Does that ring a bell for you?”

“Yeah, that would… Okay, yeah, that explains some things.” He tries to meet your eye, but you continue to ignore him. “So then, you’ve been going in and out since then?”

“Mostly out. I’m not here on purpose, and I don’t…” Don’t what? Want to complicate things? You’ve done that already! “Doesn’t matter. Oh, also! The Researcher knows I exist, but we didn’t have enough time to chat for too long. So, my name and occupation haven’t really come up with her. The Housemaiden may know something’s off, but she’s mostly kept quiet about it. I don’t think the Kid knows at all; I haven’t spoken with them much. And, of course, my stardust knows just as much as I do!”

“Alright! And you don’t want me telling anyone, I’m guessing.”

You shrug. “Say what you will. I can’t stop you!~” You might be able to, but you know he’s not going to tell all your personal information to everyone. Besides, explaining all of this was just so much each time. 

You stand up and look Isabeau’s way. He’s not… Well, it’s better than before. There’s some sort of familiarity in his expression. It’s not the same, but… did you want it to be? No, not exactly. But either way, you can’t help yourself from smiling at him, at him seeing you. 

But you see Isabeau’s expression at that. He holds it back, but the initial look… “You look like you’ve seen a ghost, Fighter!”

He covers it up. “Nah, sorry. It’s just… Seeing someone else’s expressions on Sif’s face is… different.” You bite the inside of the mouth to stop yourself from reacting to that. “Um, well, I know the others are expecting us to catch up with them later. But if you want some space, I can go out on my own. It should only take around a half hour?”

“That sounds great! I have to catch up on some reading, so…” You turn around and notice some doors. Okay, so this inn had multiple bedrooms. You don’t know—

“It’d be the one on the left. If you’re looking for your stuff,” Isabeau says. It’s not your stuff, but that’s semantics. “I have the dagger on me right now, and… uh, I’ll be taking it with me. Okay?” Leaving no room for argument. Well, if Siffrin’s handed their dagger off to someone else, it’d be rude for you to take it. Especially if… Nope, no use thinking about what might’ve happened.

You nod. “Safe travels!~”

“Oh, and, before I go!!!” You can feel him looking at you. “Thanks! For all you did in Dormont. I don’t think we could’ve found him without you.”

You… awkwardly smile at him. You don’t have anything prepared for a response. For all you did? He barely knows the start of it and definitely doesn’t know the worst of it. So, you slip away into the bedroom and close the door. 

Stars, you’re so much worse at this than you thought. One bit of contact and you fly into a fit?!? You’ve been out a total of, what, four times now? And you’ve done atrociously each and every time. There’s being bad at improvisation, and then there’s this!!!

You don’t think Isabeau will tell everyone too much, but what do you know?!? You’re basing everything you know about him from who he was over the course of two days. Come on, you’re not stupid. You know it’s been several months, maybe even a year since then. Everyone still seems comfortable in their little dynamics, but you…

Everything’s a little bit different, and you can’t recognize any of it. And it can’t recognize you. Like you’d let it even if it could.

Well, that’s not what you’re here for now, is it? You’re in this room because you intentionally paid no attention to what was happening in the world for… however long. Because you couldn’t take one single bad interaction. Good to know not much has changed!

Siffrin’s cloak is on the edge of a chair. You pick it up. It’s a bit heavier than normal; there’s a lot of things in their pockets. Okay, so the party must have just gotten to the inn; you tend to keep things around the room or tent whenever you’re staying in one spot for a while, only carrying things with you when you’re on the move. 

Hm. Is this the only way you can remember things? By vaguely reading into Siffrin’s pattern of behavior? Wonderful.

You pick out the note and your coin from a pocket. The piece of paper is new, with several little notes from the days you’ve been gone.

Alright, I know the talk with Odile didn’t go as you probably wanted it to. But I’m glad you tried, Loop. I don’t think anyone’s going to find this note, so I think I can write that. I haven’t been able to get anything from you today, but Mirabelle got me a stuffed animal. Bonnie’s started calling it Stripey Cat. You might see it around. I think it’s nice.

…

There were some issues with some Sadnesses around the edges of the city today, but we were able to handle them. Pretty good day overall. 

…

Not much to note. The group visited the nearby House today. It’s not warped, so it was fine. I tried calling you today but didn’t hear anything. Are you still there?

…

Haven’t written in a while. Not much new.

…

We’re heading out in a couple of days. Hope you’ll talk before then.

Of course now they'd be really quiet! Here you were hoping for more information on the past, what, week that you’ve been absent. What did you expect? 

Stars, you want to be mad at him. It came so easily towards the end of the loops. Everything built up for so long. But you know what it means when they get this quiet, when they stop doing routine tasks. 

You know it’s probably not a coincidence you’re out here now. 

You flip your coin around. It’s the only thing you’ve managed to keep! Items, memories, loved ones, home, name, body; you lost all of those!!  But you can never lose this, can you??? HOW BLINDINGLY WONDERFUL!!!

Chapter Text

You’re still here!

You’d hoped going to sleep would push you back, but here you are.

Just in case, you get out of bed and check the cloak. No new note; yours is still in there. And no one has unloaded the little trinkets Siffrin collected yet. So, it’s the next day. 

You grab the few things you need and slip out of the room. Even with the delay in practice, you know your movements well enough to not wake anyone up. Well, there’s only one other person in the room. It doesn’t matter all that much, though, your process is the same.

You go from the common area to the bathroom, locking the door behind you. The few times you’ve had to change clothes, you’ve done it as quickly as possible. Which you do again now, but something bothers you as you pull the shirt over your head. Their hair… isn’t in great shape. It’s a bit greasier than normal, although that could just be you not used to…

You might as well comb it while you’re in here, you suppose. “Don’t say I never did anything for you,” you mutter. You wait for a reaction but predictably don’t get one. Following your bad example. Wonderful.

It’s impossible to not see the reflection in the mirror. You do a little hand flourish, just enough to signal to yourself that, yes, it is you in control right now. And you go back to combing. 

You don’t notice any differences, not any that couldn’t be explained by the time you were gone. You thought a while back that maybe there’d be a difference with your face shape or hair shade or old injury. But nope! His hair doesn’t have any more dark dye in it, and your face sits differently. That… seems to be the full extent of it. 

You lightly tap the scar tissue around your dead eye. You can't really feel much in that area; the tap just triggers a delayed pin-prick feeling. Sometimes the area would burn unexpectedly, and all you could do was ride it out. Although, you haven't dealt with that too much since all this started. Had the nerves finally had some time to heal? Hm. You never thought that would ever happen; any progress your body made during the loops would reset each time. How strange! To see any sort of change in this form again! It's almost nice.

Now done with the comb, you put on the cloak and eyepatch. It's still strange seeing Siffrin without his hat. Everyone else is probably used to it by now, but it'd been your signature look for so long! Well, no use thinking about it now. You move away from the mirror and go back to the common space. 

The others should be up sometime soon. You’re usually not the first one awake, so this is a strange experience. No company but your thoughts! It really is just shaping up to be a great day, isn’t it???

Should you start on breakfast? What would you even prepare? You haven’t cooked in… Nope! Not going to try and put that one together!!! It was a long blinding time, and that’s all that matters right now. Besides, if the Kid makes fun of your cooking, you may as well just perish. And eating is still weird to you. You were famished in the House, but you didn't feel hungry at all while guiding Siffrin. Suddenly having that feeling return in small ways and being able to taste again… You don't know if it's good or bad, but it's certainly different.

One of the bedroom doors creaks open. Odile walks out and closes the door behind her. “You're up awfully early,” she says.

You shrug. “I'm not usually the one who sleeps. I suppose I'm not very good at it yet.”

She nods, a small acknowledgement that she understands what you mean. “Get used to it while your body’s young. I swear at this point I lose an hour of sleep every year.” She pinches the bridge of her nose. “I’ll need to find some coffee before we go.”

You mostly stay silent while she moves about. Neither of you have ever been much of morning people, so you don't need to push each other to talk this early. You want to say something about the last time you two talked, but it feels awkward. 

Your eye wanders to the arms again. You pull back the sleeves. No mistaking them for oddly-shaded freckles; those are definitely scars. Small ones that only go up so far, but they look just that bit too much like the dots on your arms, the ones you have when you're back in the head. They are even in the exact same spots. 

Odile has stopped moving. Well, if she's noticed you looking, you may as well ask, especially before the Kid wakes up. “When did this happen?” 

“A while ago. We noticed them while you were in recovery after the King. No major complications from them, thankfully, but certainly…” she trails off.

Something tugs on the back of your mind, some sort of memory. You keep it away. You wanted to keep him from the worst of the harm, but… you could only be in so many places at once. And there was only so much you could do. “I’ll need to get used to them, I suppose.”

Should you tell her? Isabeau knows, but no one started acting any different last evening when everyone returned to the inn. Odile hasn't acted strangely at not knowing what to call you, although it might answer some of her questions. But it's also not something you can take back. You can't undo the process of telling everyone. So then, would it be best to wait?

Before you can decide on an answer, another door opens. Mirabelle walks out first. “Oh! Good morning Madame, good morning Siffrin! You're both up early.”

“Yeah, I knew Dile would be up. But why are you awake, Frin?” the Kid asks. Well, they're not really asking, as they go towards the cooling cabinet and pull out some ingredients. “I'm going to make egg toast. Do you guys want egg toast?”

Everyone affirms that, yes, that sounds good. You nod along. It sounds somewhat familiar, but if you had it at some point before, you don't remember. It certainly sounds interesting!

As everyone falls into what seems like a familiar routine, you don't know what to do. Asking what you should be doing might be too weird. But maybe sitting in the same spot is weird too. You don't know! 

Last time you dealt with something this normal, you still had no clue what was going on. And while, sure, you might not fully know why you're here, you're not worried that you’ve somehow taken Siffrin’s place for good. While it's strange that he's not out right now, it's not as outright worrying. No one's acting as though anything is wrong because there is very little wrong. This is just… a day that they're having. That you're having.

Stars, it's strange! This is so strange! There's no crisis, no threat, no eternity! Just four people getting ready for the day and preparing breakfast. Well, five including yourself. Or would it still be four since Isabeau isn't awake yet? 

See, that's a normal thing to think about! That's a regular thought process that just went on in your head. What in the world???

Another door opens. Isabeau is already dressed for the day. “Well, took you long enough,” Odile says, “Did you have a good beauty sleep?”

“Of course!” he says without hesitation, “Why? Doesn't it show?”

How are you supposed to act? Well, you know; you teased Siffrin for it a week or so back. Sit there, nod, quip every now and again. But that's when you're trying to pass as him. Which, sure, you were still doing to some degree. But if you were going to tell everyone the very basics of who you are, leaving out who you were, what were you supposed to do after? You’re already past the point of recognition, so you suppose you can do anything. But what's left? 

Unknown traveler, taciturn Siffrin, helpful Loop. You’d spent so long on those other roles that whatever you're doing now is… bizarre. Even if it is technically something you were once used to. 

“Okay!!! I’ve got enough toast for everyone and then some, so eat as much as you want,” the Kid says. Oh, has that much time passed? You forget just how much you can zone out sometimes, even unintentionally. 

You sit on the ground with the others, who have started passing out plates. You take two pieces, which you think is what's expected from you. Isabeau is eating that much, and you know the others used to mention how it's strange that you can eat as much as he can. 

You take a bite… It's really sweet! You hadn't expected that! 

“What?’ the Kid asks. Oh, you must look very surprised right now. 

“It's really good!” you say, mouth still full of food. Okay, gross, you should probably not do that again. It's almost difficult for you to eat. You know objectively that the flavor in it isn't too terribly strong, but it's so different from what you're used to that it's hard to process. 

The Kid smiles at you. It's a bigger smile than you expect. 

Is it okay that you're here for this? It's not like you have much of a choice, but it still feels… off. 

This is what you wanted. What you wished for a very long time ago. And now all that you can think of is how noticeably and undeniably different you are from that person who made that wish. 

What is left of you?

You finish the first piece of toast. You're rather hungry, but it takes some time to get through. Mirabelle’s already done with her plate. “Okay. Do we have a plan for today? Are we going to wander? Do we know?” she asks.

“We could split the group up again. Try and assist where we're needed,” Odile says.

There's some talk about strategy. You don't have much to contribute to it. You haven't really been around for these outings, not for long, anyways. But it's decided that there will be two groups, with you being in a group with Mirabelle and the Kid. This can only go well! Especially considering how yesterday went!!! But you don't voice any of your concerns. Some things never change, do they?

You and the party follow one of the main roads, getting out of the way every here and there for an oncoming wagon.  there to avoid an oncoming wagon. There’s the same banter as you remember, with little new touches added in every so often. You mostly stay quiet. It is nice to hear everyone talk.

This town is smaller than the last one you were in. There’s not really much space between residential areas and the assorted shops. It’s really only the signs on the buildings that indicate their purpose. 

And you see the House. It’s small, just one story, although there could be a basement you can’t see. It’s light and rounded, somewhat mimicking the general shape of the Change God. When you saw the House in Dormont look like this, it was always a sign. That Siffrin had made it to the end. It was a bit comforting; you knew exactly how long it would take before the loop reset, how long it would take for them to speak with the Head Housemaiden. Five minutes ‘til places!

Until the very, very, very end, of course. When you saw the red fade from the sky, you knew you’d missed your curtain call.

You don't argue when Odile and Isabeau's group is the one who chooses to go inside, while your group goes off elsewhere. You know the choice was probably made because of you, but you try not to think about it. 

“Okay, then!” Mirabelle says once the other two have wandered off, “Should we start with exploring a bit? You know, to get a general feel for the place and maybe see if anyone needs our help?”

“Don't we do that everywhere we go? I don't see what the big deal is; we don't stay places that long, anyway,” the Kid says. Oh, that's new! Before, you all were in a bit of a hurry to collect the… something or others and defeat the King that you didn't have time to wander too much. 

Mirabelle’s looking a bit nervous right now. Maybe you should step in? “That sounds like a great idea!” you say.

She smiles a bit. “Okay! Should we start with… um… the library? Or is there somewhere else you guys think we should go?”

“I’ll be needing more ingredients if we’re staying a week,” the Kid says, “Do they have a market here?”

You’d seen a lot of pop-up stands along the main road. “Maybe there’s not a specific market, necessarily, but there’s a lot of stands around here that might have what you’re looking for.” You don’t know exactly what voice to use right now. You’re still trying to do a Siffrin impression for the most part but allowing for a bit of variability, allowing your new voice to slip in every now and again. Because… you’re going to have to tell them, aren’t you? That’s just basic etiquette. Can’t leave them out of the conversation just because you haven’t had a full breakdown around them!

You better not have a breakdown right now. Nothing feels off, no more than usual, which is almost more worrying. You didn’t get this ending. You shouldn’t be allowed to be experiencing this right now. 

But… it’s also not as though you’re choosing to be here right now. You’re not exactly sure why, but you’re needed for now. And isn’t this far more merciful than spending the rest of your days helping some other Siffrin stuck in time? It isn’t just different, it keeps being different. It’s almost— 

Oh, and they’re moving! You catch up with them. 

You and the others walk around and see the different items for sale. It’s mostly clothing and jewelry, although there are a good number of stands selling some general ingredients and spices. You accidentally bump into quite a few people while trying to navigate, but no one brings it up. Everything smells amazing, of course. And, after a good amount of walking around, you find yourself hungry again. 

“I may grab something to eat from one of the stands. Is that alright?” you ask. You don’t think there are any plans for lunch, but you want to be sure.

The Kid perks up at this. “Yeah! And since you decided to eat first, you can pick which one you want to eat from.”

Oh! Choices! Not what you wanted! But you don’t want to let that show, so…

You circle back a bit to a vendor that is selling a variety of different foods that catch your eye. There’s fried plantains, which almost sound appealing again. But you spot one dish that excites you. You point to it, and take out the change you need to buy it. The vendor takes your coins and says, “Thank you.” You freeze at her accent but don’t say anything in response. You take the food and hurry towards a bench, away from the stand.

You feel for your silver coin. Stupid. Why are you still so fixated on this? You know it doesn’t do anything, anyways. Regardless, you roll the coin around in the pocket.

You take a bite into the bowl that she gave you. It still tastes good. Mote con chicharrón is always delicious. It’s been a while since you’ve had it;                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

“Siffrin?” Mirabelle asks. She’s near the bench now with her own food, with the Kid not far off. 

You jump. Your mind had wandered, but you can’t quite place what you were thinking about anymore. Ah, what a nice little gift you’ve retained from the Universe! 

You notice that you’ve eaten a few more bites of the mote con chicharrón than you had a while ago. “Spaced out a bit. I’m fine now.”

She has the look on her face. You’ve seen this a few times before; she’s about to ask you if you’re sure you’re alright or if you need to talk. 

You should just get ahead of it at this point. “What do you want to know about?”

She makes a gesture towards the bench, a nonverbal cue asking if it’s alright for her to sit down. You nod, and she sits. You keep an eye on the Kid, who is looking at some different types of potatoes at one of the stands. Mirabelle waits a moment before saying, “Okay… Do you want to rate it? On a scale from one to almost-ending-the-world?”

Has she phrased it like that when talking with Siffrin too? Or does this just come up whenever you’re out? “Well, the series of events that just happened are at about a seven, I’d say. But the thing from before that I didn’t want to talk about is probably at a three. I’d… rather talk about that, if you’d like.” It’s going to come up anyways. May as well get out of the other conversation.

“Oh! Yeah, of course! If you’re comfortable, that is.”

You close your eyes and shrug. “You should probably know. So! You remember the star person that guided you all through the House?” 

“Loop? The one who helped you through the… well, the loops?”

“Yes, the name’s a bit on the nose, I know.” This was a lot easier when Isabeau just asked you. You don’t know how to broach this topic with her. Where in the world do you begin, especially when you need to leave out the beginning? “So, over a week ago now, we had a bit of a reunion! But not exactly in the way we thought it’d go. I… Well, you might be able to tell, but I’m Loop.”

Mirabelle seems to process this when her eyes go wide, “Oh! Change! I should’ve realized that sooner!!!”

She doesn’t seem to be upset, but on the chance that she is, you say, “I’ve been trying to keep it from being too terribly obvious, but I know I’ve slipped up more than a few times.”

“No, that makes so much sense!!! Well, apart from them looking different and everything.” What is she talking about? “I mean, they didn’t look… all that happy when we first saw them. They looked like they’d just been hurt, but then they covered it up almost immediately. Sort of like… Well, I guess most of us do that a little, but…”

WAIT.

NO.

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no!~ That is very much not what you meant to say.  

“Oh! No, that isn’t—! I mean… Stars, hold on!!!” No, you need to quiet down a bit. No breakdowns, remember??? “I mean that your rogue friend and I, Loop, have been sharing a body for over a week now! Not… that isn’t…”

“Oh, I’m so sorry! I just… you two do have similar mannerisms and you swear the same and… I just read a book a while back, and I thought… I really overstepped; I’m sorry.”

You’re still frozen. You can’t say anything.

“Si— Loop? Are you…?”

Say something. “What happened in the book?”

Her nervousness doesn’t fade. No, no, no! This isn’t what you wanted! “Um, well, it was written with some liberties about Time Craft. It starts with a prologue where a woman, who has come to regret basically her entire life, is killed by her former lover. The story actually starts with her as a girl living more or less normally. Except, well, she’s being trained by this mysterious woman in the forest to control some strange Craft abilities that she has. The girl becomes too ambitious, and she starts accidentally freezing people in time…” Mirabelle shakes her head, “This book was written before the King, obviously. Anyways, she kind of… spirals. There’s a whole series of events, but the main twist is that the mysterious woman is the girl. When she died, she was thrown back in time. She wanted to kill her younger self and save herself the grief, but she didn’t have the heart to do so.”

You laugh. Mirabelle looks at you, confused. “No, sorry, it’s just… keep going. What happens to the woman?”

“Oh, she… Well, now that the girl is older and causing problems, the woman tries to end it all again. The fight scenes are very well done! The woman can basically teleport with her mastery over Time Craft, since she keeps stopping and restarting time. The girl’s pretty outmatched; but, with the help of her friend, the girl and the woman reach a kind of standstill. They talk some stuff out, and all the people unfreeze. The woman sees that it’s going to end differently this time and… dies? I think? It’s been a while since I’ve read it, and the ending was really ambiguous.”

Express interest. “Ha! What an interesting little tale!” Don’t think about it too much, just move on now. 

You glance over and look at Mirabelle. She looks upset. You’ve seen her make this expression before, but you can’t remember when. Was it before the loops? “Would you… like to read it? Maybe?”

“No!” you say way too fast, “No, no thank you. I know the ending, after all! Besides, it doesn’t sound like the author… really got it, you know?”

Mirabelle just responds with, “Hm?” 

“Well… I haven’t read it, but why go through the effort of teaching the girl about Time Craft? That just sounds like the woman made it all worse.”

“Oh, that’s easy! The woman didn’t have anyone to teach her Time Craft, she just learned it in her own time. So her line of thought was that if she actually taught her younger self to control that type of Craft, the girl wouldn’t get herself into the predicament in the first place. Which… well, didn’t work all that well.”

“Ah! Got it. Also, do the two look distinct, or is the girl just too stupid to notice their similarities?”

“She… She doesn’t notice until she gets a cut on her chin that’s in the exact same spot as the woman’s scar. Before she was working under the assumption that the woman was some sort of distant aunt who’d been banished? If I’m remembering correctly?”

You think that’s a bit silly. Even though you were entirely unrecognizable, Siffrin somehow guessed who you were pretty early into his loops. “And why does the woman keep at it for so long? I mean, it would’ve been easier for her to have just stopped entirely, wouldn’t it? And did she not once, in what sounds like years of waiting, consider what changes she could make? Other than the whole trying to teach or kill herself situation, of course. No trying to take back control of a narrative that had been ripped away from her?” 

“Well, I mean, she almost reveals herself in front of a masked ball that the girl’s family had put together. But that was more…” Mirabelle trails off, “Are you sure that you want to talk about this? You look really, really tired.”

You flash a smile before realizing that must be more concerning than you intended. You don’t entirely drop it, though. “It’s just an interesting story, is all! Anyway, do you have any questions? I might not know everything, but I figure you should know more about this whole… situation we have going on.” 

Mirabelle nods, “Right… I guess I do. So, do you and Siffrin decide on who gets to walk around on what days or something like that?”

“Nope! It’s mostly involuntary! At least, it is on my end. Stardust has swapped out on purpose a few times. But I didn’t exactly ask to be here, so…” Oh stars, is that why this is happening? Is this still tied to your blinding wishes??? “I’ve tried staying back, but it hasn’t really worked out that well.” Bit too true there! You decide not to elaborate.

“Okay, okay.” Mirabelle looks over in the Kid’s direction. They’re mostly walking around now, close enough that you can see them but far away enough that you’re not too worried—

(They’re probably listening.)

The voice sounds more internal, but you’re rather sure that wasn’t you!

“Are you okay?” Mirabelle asks. You must’ve jumped.

“Yes! Just think I heard your friend, one second.” Do you need to talk out loud for this? Probably not. You’re going to try not to, anyways. [Listening in on such a private conversation, stardust?]

(I can feel when something goes wrong enough, you know. I was trying to get to you earlier, but it took some time to get this close.)

[Unfortunate! But I think I diverted the conversation well enough. Anything you’d like to say? I can pass on a message, if you need.]

There’s a bit of a pause before Siffrin speaks up again. (Are you worried about whether or not she’ll still be alright with you if you tell her? That’s a very Siffrin move of you.)

[Hey.] 

You don’t get a response. Ha! Okay, now you’re a bit angry at them. But no need to focus on that right now; you have a conversation you need to keep up with. “Well, that was a bit of a detour. Anything else, Housemaiden?” you ask. No, reel that in a bit. You’ve not been the nicest this interaction, and you don’t want… Well, maybe it’s for the best if she thinks poorly of you again!

“You can hear him in your head?” she asks.

“Brand new development! Well, we did it the once, but that was with the Craft symbol you brought up.” You almost regret not asking Siffrin if you could swap out, but you can get the sense that they’re not up for it right now for one reason or another. But this is your conversation, anyways! May as well see it through!!! “Don’t worry, you won’t usually need to talk with me unless something unexpected calls me out here.”

“Oh, do you not like being here?”

You try to keep your smile on, but you’re almost certain that you falter. You see a look of familiarity pass over Mirabelle’s face. “Hm?” you prompt.

“No, sorry… it was just that… that was the face. The one I was talking about earlier. When we first met you? Sorry if I’m overstepping again; I don’t want to bring up something if it’s going to hurt you. I know you’re not Siffrin, but if you need to talk…”

You look over at the Kid. Are they listening? You talk quieter just in case. “Sure. Do you remember what you said earlier? Before I… clarified the situation?” Distracting her with everything else would only work for so long anyways. She’ll confront you eventually, even though she may not like it; you know that. 

“Of course,” she says, lowering her voice as well, “Why?”

You have to say it. So just go ahead and do it already! Come on now, Loop!!! 

“You weren’t wrong.”

Don’t look at her.

You don’t want to know how she’s reacting.

If she’s confused, scared, crying… You would like to be able to help, but you—

Mirabelle… takes your hand. They’re still covered in calluses, after all the battles you all have fought in. “O-Okay. Okay. Um, just to double-check… Do you still want to be called Loop?”

“Yes, that’s my name, now.” You fall into your old voice without even trying. Redirect. “But! Don’t worry! You still have your Siffrin that you can talk to. The one that you actually know, you know?”

There’s a pause. You fight the urge to make eye contact with her. “I’m not sure if I’m getting all of this, but— When did things start changing? I’m guessing that if you’re here that something…”

You mime a rock falling on your head. “When I woke up for the second time on the same day, I had no clue what was happening. Was this some fluke of the Universe? Does everyone relive the day that they die? Was I blessed to be able to keep trying until I defeated the King? I thought that third one was true for a while…” much longer than you’re going to admit, although it certainly felt less like a blessing and more like eternal torment the further along you went, “...but then when I finally managed to kill him, I went back again. So, I asked for a way out and…”

“And did everything restart again?”

Was that it? No, you know that’s not true. Weren’t there differences? The layout of the House, the… Then again, that changed during Siffrin’s final loop. Had… it been slowly shifting, and you hadn’t noticed until the Universe called to reset to the top of the show? 

Was the only… “Difference was that I didn’t have to fight anymore! Well, not me as myself, anyways. So… I helped the new me along for a while. Made things a bit easier for them. Got to watch him get everything we ever wanted.” That’s too much! Far too much!!! Stop here.

Mirabelle squeezes your hand. “Change, you could’ve talked to us!”

You remember four faces looking at a stranger. No, there was no way you could’ve talked to them, not as you were. But if you’d done it before, long before… Well, you wouldn’t need to have this conversation right now. “You all had enough on your plate with finding your friend, learning about Time Craft, defeating the King, saving the country… You had your perfect ending to get to! I knew… mine had already passed.”

You hear a voice a bit further away, “But aren’t you here right now?”

They’d been listening. You really should’ve expected that one.

Bonnie hops over to where you two are sitting. “I don’t really know what you guys are talking about, especially after you got all quiet. But if you got to the end too and are here now, you won, right?” How much had they… “So stop being such a crab about it, Frin.”

Okay… they didn’t hear everything. Good. You don’t want to put that on them. You don’t want to put that on any of them but the thought of having to explain it to Bonnie feels worse somehow. “Alright then, I’ll try,” you say.

You finish your lunch, eventually letting go of Mirabelle’s hand. Your appetite isn’t as strong now, but you know you need to eat the rest to keep yourself going for the day. “Hey, you did it!” Bonnie says.

You look up at them, letting your confusion show a bit. 

“You don’t know? You haven’t eaten a big meal in a while. I thought you just didn’t like the food here, but then I was thinking that Frin eats basically anything really fast, and then didn’t know why you weren’t anymore. But you finally finished your plate! You did it!!!”

Oh. “I did! I was just… having some trouble before. The food was still good; I just couldn’t eat it all.” You add on the last bit just in case Bonnie was blaming themself for it.

Mirabelle looks your way. You shrug and give a small smile. She nods and turns to Bonnie. “Did you get everything you need?”

“Almost! There wasn’t anyone selling flour, which I’m going to need by tomorrow. But I got all the other things.” They show the two bags that they’re carrying. “Can we meet up with Dile and Za now? I’m done here.” 

“Sure! They should be almost done talking to the officials at the House, so I guess we can meet up with them,” Mirabelle says. She gestures for Bonnie to lead the way, which they happily do. She turns to you. “Um… I don’t know how much you want them to know, but…”

You consider it for a moment. “Everyone else knows a bit about the current situation, so, let’s just stick with that. I don’t think we need to go into anything about before.”

Mirabelle frowns but doesn’t say anything. You… try not to think about it. You shouldn’t have told her. 

“Hurry up, crab legs!!!” Bonnie yells from further ahead.

You inhale, and prepare yourself. One last person to tell.

***

You didn’t know it was possible to have that many questions! Thankfully most of them were about what being a star is like. Too bad you don’t have enough experience to answer those in as much depth as Bonnie would like.

“Honestly, I didn’t quite notice if anything made me glow dimmer or brighter,” you say, as the three of you approach the outside of the House.

Bonnie sighs, “You’re no help.”

You spot Odile and Isabeau off in the garden. You give a wave to them. Isabeau waves back. Weird! You’re still not over all of this.

They walk over to the rest of your group. “How did it go?” Mirabelle asks.

“Mostly well, I think! We got what were were asking for,” Isabeau says.

“Yes, the good news is that this House has plenty of detailed records about any and all complaints since everyone unfroze. Of course, the bad news is that these are any and all complaints, and they haven’t been sorted through thoroughly. So, we will need to go through those on our own time to figure out which ones we may be able to assist with,” Odile says. She’s holding a rather thick folder, probably full of copies of any and all of those complaints.

“Can I see one?” Bonnie asks. Odile glances over a few before handing one to them. Bonnie looks at it. “Complaint about the complaint box taking too long,” they say. You laugh.

Mirabelle, Isabeau, Odile, Bonnie.

You hadn’t even realized you’d started using their names. Should you be doing that? Have you earned the right to do so? Not all of them know who you are, and none of them know everything. After today, you don’t know if you can tell them all of it. 

But… you’re here, aren’t you? You’ve made it here. Somehow. After trying for so long, you’ve ended up here. It isn’t as restful or normal as you would’ve imagined, but that just makes it feel more real. 

Everyone’s talking. You think you’re supposed to speak too, but you just don’t know what to say. What are you supposed to do, now that you’ve been off script for so long? Now that you’re just playing yourself? Now that no one expects you to be who you were before?

You and your… allies? Party? Friends? Certainly not family; you didn’t get that far. Loved ones, maybe? 

Sure, you’ll go with that. 

You and your loved ones head back towards the inn. 

…

[Take care, alright? You know they miss you, don’t you?]

…

You don’t get a clear response, but you feel something. A bit of comfort that you don’t think is coming from you. You hope that’s a good sign.

You’ll talk to him again soon.

Chapter Text

The place in your head has been getting a bit clearer. There are a few pathways that are clearer than others, so you mostly stick to those. Trying to venture too far out just turns you around and puts you back where you were.

Most of your time is spent either in the shack to rest or by the shore to check in with what's going on outside. It hasn't been the most reliable, sometimes not showing you anything, but that's usually a sign that you need to rest some more.

You’ve slept a few times, somehow! You have no idea how that works. Is it whenever your body's asleep that you tire out? Is it your mind's way of making sure you stay back here for a while? Does it make time to faster on your end? You don't really know. And trying to come up with answers… is more trouble than it's worth, you figure. Even now when you have more energy than you’ve had in a while. 

You're sitting on the edge of the lightless sand, failing to see anything in the water when you feel Craft suddenly course through everything. It passes through you. You pull your hand up to your ear. “Took you long enough,” you say. You grimace. You meant to say it jokingly but… it was a bad start.

[Well, excuse me for trying the method that doesn't give us a horrible headache within minutes a few times before this.] You hear Loop sigh from the other line. It resonates everywhere. [How can I help you, stardust?]

“I don't know, you called me?” you ask.

[Hm. I did, didn’t I? Well, there surely must be something. I mean, I wouldn’t still be out here if there wasn’t, isn’t that right?] 

You sharply inhale at that statement. You try and think of something to say but… come up blank. 

The longer you’ve been back here, the worse you’ve felt. You didn’t mean to force Loop out, especially not for this long. But everything was just… too hard, recently. And it’s stupid, you know. It’s been a long enough time now. You took it easy immediately afterwards because you were healing, but shouldn’t that be over now? You’d been getting better, too! But it just took one day waking up thinking you were still in Dormont for what was only a minute to make you spiral for blinding days . You knew it wasn’t true, you knew you were in the present, but you just couldn’t get that through your stupid brain! 

And what are you supposed to do with that? You tried telling your family members a little bit of it, but it just got harder the longer it went on. You didn’t want to keep mentioning it, to keep relying on them for everything when the problem you’re trying to resolve has been over with for months now. Stars, you didn’t want to keep feeling like this, but it wasn’t like you were given a choice in the matter. 

You didn’t mean to fall back for this long. But after trying to talk to Isa and giving him your dagger because you didn’t trust yourself with it… you couldn’t hold on anymore. So, something pushed you back, and you didn’t fight it. And now—

[Still with me, stardust?]

Right. You’re supposed to focus on this. “Yeah, I’m still here.” Come on, think of something to say. “You told Mira, didn’t you?”

You get a few seconds of silence, enough to where you question if they hung up on you without comment. But they eventually say, [Yep! And that’s all I have to say on that!]

“Hey, I’m proud of you for doing it. Even if it didn’t work out well.” You didn’t feel anything particularly bad from their end, so you didn’t think it went poorly. Then again, you weren’t getting the most consistent visual at the time.

[Aw, are you? Gross!!!]

Ugh. “You know, you can drop that. If you’re just doing it to annoy me.”

[Nope! Unfortunately for you, this is my idea of fun. Speaking of!] You’re worried about where this is going. [Your party’s currently playing a card game. I was in for a few rounds but started feeling all woozy. So, do you want to tag in? Maybe go to sleep, maybe join them; whatever suits your fancy?]

Oh. You look back into the water in front of you. You’re able to see something like a blurry image of a window that they’re staring out of. You’re pretty sure this is the window in the sleeping quarters you all were staying in before you tapped out. 

It doesn’t sound too difficult, and you want to be there for your family members, but… “What if it doesn’t work?”

[Then we’ll try again later! You know the drill.]

Are you up for this? You’ve been back here for a while now, and it’s easy enough to keep doing it. If you try to go out and your mind forces you back… you don’t think you could handle that very well. But, if nothing else, “It’s worth a shot.”

[Alright, hold on.] They grab something nearby. [There we go! Okay, let’s try this out. How do we do this?]

“Start with breathing, maybe?” you ask, “And I’ll try it at the same time.”

The Craft signal goes out as you hang up. It’s probably not a great idea to be on call during this, if it gives you a headache from even basic use. 

You breathe in, and out. In, and out. In, and out.

Our head’s really hurting. How long have we been talking like this? Too long, apparently.

Nothing feels real around us. Stars, it’s difficult to even feel much of us right now. It’s like we’re not really there somehow. Here. Wherever we are. 

We’re holding something in our hand. Follow our advice and breathe in, and out. 

It’s something soft and fuzzy. Oh, it’s the Stripey Cat plush that Mira got for you a while back! You hadn’t thought about it too much, not with everything else going on. But you’d kept it… No, you can’t remember exactly where you had it before you went back for a while. You most likely aren’t going to figure it out.

There’s a slip of paper in between two of your fingers. You wiggle your fingers a bit, although you’re not sure why. At least, you’re pretty sure that it’s you who’s doing that.

[Yep, that would be you! And you can read that note later; it’s not too important right now.]

It’s somewhat difficult to distinguish, but you’re pretty sure that wasn’t your internal monologue. (You’ve got it now?)

[Well, I’m kind of close right now, so yes, I can chat a bit easier. Just think of me as standing by for the moment.] There’s a slight pause from them before they speak up again. [But you did it!!!]

(Uh, let’s see if it holds for more than a few minutes before celebrating.)

[Too late! I’m setting fireworks off already!]

Are they? (Are you?)

They laugh. [Of course not? I don’t have fireworks here, dummy. Although, maybe if I think hard enough… The rules of this place are weird, after all. Did you know you can change the shade of the sand if you try?]

(... What?)

[Oh, listen to me, rambling on and on. You have your friends to go and talk to, now! So, get on out there!]

Oh, right. You need to talk to all of them now. Great! That’s definitely not going to be overwhelming after going back out for the first time in days. Especially considering where you left off and the state you were in before, you don’t… 

[Everything okay out there?]

You don’t like how much you’re needing to rely on them today. (Yeah, I just…) That’s a lie, and you know it. Trace back your steps a bit. (I don’t really know what to tell them.) Everything still feels weird, anyways. It’s not like you snapped back into your body; everything’s still really hazy, like you’re still looking through the water.

[Well, is that something you could tell them? That you need some time to readjust before getting too many questions?]

(I guess… I could do that.) It shouldn’t be too difficult. You’ve asked for harder things before, even though it had taken a lot of effort to actually say. (Thank you, Loop.)

[Anytime! Well, actually, preferably not. You know how it is! I’ll be sticking around a bit close just in case, but do what you do. Pretend like I’m not even here!]

Yeah, that’s not going to be possible. But… it’s almost reassuring to know that they’re here. To know that someone’s in a similar boat. Is that selfish? 

You don’t know, but you’re probably not in the best headspace to try to work through that, so focus on something else now. Maybe the haziness. It’s not new, feeling like you’re really out of place or that the world around you is barely real. The loops definitely did not help with that. But you have somewhat of a system for this now, so you go through the list.

First, breathing exercises. In, and out. In, and out. In, and out. Your breath is kind of shaky; it’s harder to just focus on your breathing than it usually is. Okay, onto the next thing.

Sometimes trying to internally narrate your environment helps. You’re sitting on top of a bed that’s decently comfortable. It’s kind of small; there are two of them in this room. In between the two is a small nightstand. Some of your things are on the nightstand in a pile. Your feet are able to touch the floor, although your legs are still crossed at the ankle from before you were in the body. You uncross them now. The floor is made of a hard wood and is pretty dark. The walls around you are light, with some light coming in through a tall window. There’s a landscape painting across from the beds of a mountainous region that you’re pretty sure is somewhere in western Mwudu. You like the look of them.

There’s another one you’ve started doing more recently. Where you talk to yourself like you’re talking to someone you care about going through something similar. Okay… what would you say? 

That it wasn’t easy. You were stuck there for so long, thinking you were back would be upsetting. Brains are really weird sometimes; it’s not your fault that you reacted the way that you did. And you tried. It was hard, but you tried. Even if it didn’t end up working out, you tried. That counts for something, doesn’t it?

You know it probably won’t be the last time that something like this happens. But you’ve survived worse. You think about the one phrase about how you’ve survived all of your worst days, which you haven’t, but the sentiment is still there. If someone said that to you, you wouldn’t mind the inaccuracy. 

Okay… you don't feel all that connected right now, but it’s not as distracting as before. So, it’s time to go and see your family members.

You breathe in, and out.

You walk over to the door and push it open. Everyone seems to be settled playing a card game. Well, it looks like Odile is either out already or is sitting this one out. She’s the first one to notice you walk into the room. “And? Did it work out?”

Now all eyes are on you, which is a lot. But answering a question should be easy. Probably. You think you know what she means. You’re taking too long; say something. “Yeah, we were able to swap out.” Stars, why was this so hard to say? Everyone knows about what’s going on, and you know they were worried about—

Oh, that would be why you’re having a difficult time with this, wouldn’t it?

“What are you guys playing?” you ask, trying to shift the focus off of you a little. It works decently well to your surprise.

“It’s a game of lying!” Bonnie says, “You lie until you run out of cards and win.”

Oh, you know this one! You think you guys played it a few times beforehand, although that might’ve been before you had Bonnie on your team. The details are fuzzy, now. “Can you deal me in next game?” You want to watch this one as a refresher. 

“Yeah, no problem!” Isa says as he lays down two cards face-down, “Two fives.” There’s a pause where Mira and Bonnie look at each other, trying to silently communicate something, but neither of them call him out, so the round continues. 

The game goes on for a few more minutes. Bonnie’s the quickest to try to call someone out on lying, although not always with the most accuracy, so they end up with the majority of the cards from false accusations. Isa’s winning for a while but gets called out at one point with a large discard pile, so the tides shift in Mira’s favor.

She sets down her final card. “One Jack.”

“Tomalley!” Bonnie yells, trying to call out a lie.

Mira flips it over, revealing a Jack. “Not this time.” 

Isa lets out a low whistle. “Man, that was impressive. Were you planning ahead?”

“Just this last round. It just so happened to work out and everything, so… Next game, now?” She looks over at you. “And you’re sure you’re up to play?”

“Yeah, of course,” you say. You get up from the couch and sit between Bonnie and Isa. Mira deals out the cards, splitting the deck into four different parts. You take the cards that were given to you and look over them.

“Is the one who goes first to the left of the dealer or whoever has the ace of spades?” Mira asks.

“Hm. Let’s switch it up this time! Whoever has the ace of spades can go first,” Isa says. They must have done it the other way in previous games.

You look through your hand, and yep! You have the ace of spades. And the one of hearts as well. So, you put them both face down, starting the discard pile. “Two aces,” you announce.

A moment of silence passes. Bonnie is looking right at you, probably trying to read your face. They make dead eye contact with you as they place down two cards. “Two twos.”

[Stardust.]

You try not to react.

[You have two of those in your hand.] 

You do, but… (Yeah, and?)

[Stardust. What are the chances that they had the other two cards in their hand?]

You don’t say anything as the turn goes over to Mira, who claims to place down a single three. You don’t see any threes in your hand, so you refrain from speaking. Bonnie and Isa look at each other intently. “Okay,” Isa eventually says. He pulls three cards out of his hand. “Three fours.”

You believe that. You have a four in your hand, but no one else is looking suspicious, so it’s most likely the truth. Your turn, now. Looking through your hand, you don’t find any fives.

[You should probably get rid of one of those Kings. No need to keep three around, right?]

(Are you trying to tell me how to play the game?)

[No! I’m simply offering advice.]

You place down one of your sevens out of spite. “One five.”

“Hm… Tomalley,” Isa says.

Betrayal. You scrunch up your face and take the discard deck, placing it in your hand. Although, you thought it was a calculated move, so… “How…?”

“Just a guess! Your face was going on like, a whole journey there,” he says. Oh. You hadn’t noticed you were reacting to what Loop was saying. Embarrassing!

[Whoops!]

(Don’t you ‘whoops’ me. And don’t—)

[Teehee!]

(Be glad we are not in the same physical space right now.) 

“Everything good?” Isa asks. 

You were doing it again, weren’t you? “Yeah. Loop’s just giving bad advice.”

[Rude!!! I happen to give great advice!]

(Sure.)

[Not my fault you didn’t actually pay attention when I told you we’re allergic to pineapple.]

(Okay, that was one time!) You sigh as you look through your new deck. You see that you now have four versions of the two card. (You were wrong earlier. Bonnie was telling the truth.)

[Hm! Well, we can’t all be perfect.]

“Is it like they’re sitting next to you?” Bonnie asks, “And we just can’t see them because they’re not in our heads?”

“Bonnie…” Mira says in a tone that makes it sound like that’s something they shouldn’t have asked.

You don’t mind them asking. It’s a new situation for you as well. “No, they sound like my train of thought but… not?”

“Oh! Like a song that’s stuck in your head!” Bonnie says.

Kind of? But not really. So, you just shrug. If you didn’t know that Loop was there, you might’ve mistaken them for your usual thought process. (You really figured out how to communicate just so you could berate me during card games?)

[I’ll have you know that I’m actually great at this game!]

“Was Loop good at this game, or are they lying?” you ask.

“They were really bad!!!” Bonnie says, “They would shift around too much whenever they were lying.”

[Betrayal!]

(Don’t steal my lines.)

[Oh, your lines? We’re going to try and distinguish that right now???]

You shut up. Stars, this was going to be a long game.

— — —

Loop goes quiet sometime into the game. Not in a way that concerned you too much. You’ve been feeling really tired since you got back to the front, and it probably takes some energy to stay nearby for so long. It did for you, anyways.

Isa wins the first game. You get close with the second one, but Bonnie ends up winning. And everyone’s a bit too worn out for another round right now, so the process for getting ready for bed has begun. 

Right now, you’re mostly sitting around in the lounge area. Bonnie said that they were not going to bed, they just wanted to go to their room early. You know they’re most likely asleep right now. Odile excused herself to her quarters not long afterwards. Isa’s in the bathroom, probably washing off. And Mira…

“Can we talk?” she asks as she walks out of her room back into the lounge. She’s already in her sleepwear, but it’s not uncommon for you all to walk around in pajamas past evening time. It’s more strange that you haven’t changed into your sleepwear yet. 

You do a quick scan. It’s difficult for you to tell what emotions you’re feeling sometimes. Right now you feel better than you felt before, you think. Although, you still want to be careful. “Sure. I don’t know how much I’ll be able to actually say, though.” That sounded a lot more ominous than you intended it to be. “I’m tired, is all. I don’t know how well I can do a feeling talk.”

“Oh, okay! Just… please let me know if you need to switch topics, or anything like that?” She sits down next to you. “So, um, before I start saying things I shouldn’t… Do you know about Loop? About who they were?”

Right, this conversation. You give a bit of a smile. “Yes. I… I guessed kind of early on. They did jokingly introduce themself saying that I can refer to them with the ‘royal We;’ it’s not like they were hiding it super well from me. But they didn’t really… confirm anything until after it was over.”

[Go ahead and tell her.]

“Hold on; I just need a second,” you say to Mira. (What? Are you sure?)

[Yes! She may as well know about all of it, right? I think she’d be treating this conversation very differently if she knew about the whole ‘attempted murder’ business.]

(... If you’re just wanting me to tell her as some way of getting her to not care about you—)

[She should know, shouldn’t she? I’d like to know if someone tried to kill a dear friend of mine, after all. Just returning that kindness!]

(No! If you think I’m going to tell her as some way to help you self-destruct, I’m not going to.)

[If you don’t, I will.]

(I’m not letting you swap out for this.)

[Oh, is that how it is? I’m just here for whenever you feel like it?!?]

(...)

(Do you want to tell her? As you?)

There’s a bit of a pause. You feel really awkward, just sitting next to Mira and not saying anything. Until… [Yes. If we can.]

“Okay,” you say. Mira perks up at you speaking; she must have zoned out during the break. She must be really tired as well. “Um, Loop wants to talk about that part. Are you good if we…?”

“Oh! Um, sure! 

(Okay. To be clear, I will be pulling you back if things go wrong.)

[If I mess up my lines?]

(If you get too overwhelmed. Or start getting weirdly self-destructive.)

[That’s just my baseline, stardust!] There’s a moment before you feel them get a bit closer. You fall back a bit. It takes a second, but you… zone out.

***

Stars, you did not think this through.

You’re out here again! Now you have to tell Mirabelle about one of the objectively worst things you’ve done!! And that’s because you chose to tell her!!! Oh, aren’t you just so clever?!?

“Well, sorry for that brief intermission,” you say. You do look at her expression. She doesn’t seem too concerned or worried or anything about what she just saw. 

“No, you’re fine. Although… were you listening the whole time?” she asks.

You were. Although, Universe pardon you for wanting to listen in on a conversation about yourself. “It’s not as though the two of you can talk behind my back when we share a back.” Was that a pun? A play on words? Either way, it was really weak. 

She shifts a bit uncomfortably. There it is! That’s what you were expecting. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to— I just wanted to talk things through with him, and…”

Nope! You’ve made her upset!!! How many times can you fail in one interaction???

(Remember to breathe.)

You hadn’t been breathing. So, you do that; in, and out. “I didn’t mean it like that,” you say. Stars, you sound so pathetic when you speak to your loved ones. “That was a terrible joke.”

“Oh, no, it’s just… I’m sorry; I don’t exactly know what you want to talk about, and… I don’t know?” She rubs her eyes a bit. Ah, Siffrin was right; she only does that when she’s tired. 

Okay… don’t make this worse. Well, not as though you have a choice in that! Considering the subject you’re about to bring up! “Right. It’s just that… in the end, you know that Siffrin and I had a talk.” It’s still weird to say their name out loud. Internally is fine, but the name feels wrong coming out of your mouth. His mouth. Not yours. But the situation feels wrong to call them ‘stardust.’ You don’t know if Mirabelle would pick up on that, but you’re trying to not be the absolute worst person alive right now.

“Right. The one where you… vanished, afterwards? Or something like that?”

“The very same! Although, it was less of a talk and more of a… fight. That I initiated.” You’re purposefully not looking at her. Again. How many times are you going to do this? Act like this? “They won, clearly. I mean, he nearly beat the King on his own, when I was only able to manage it once with all of you.” You had seen them fight. You knew they were stronger than you by a wide margin, even with the Craft exhaustion. The only way you could’ve won is if they practically let you win. 

But that isn’t the important thing here. You don’t know what would’ve happened if you won. You’d like to think you would’ve stopped before they died, before you killed them. But a part of you also knows, knows, knows just how much you wanted all of this. And you wound up getting it anyways, didn’t you? 

“I wanted what they had. I didn’t know why it had to be him. Why was he able to win, to keep a future that I’d long given up on ever happening? So… I did the worst thing I could do. I tried taking the ending from him, taking it for myself.” You do look at her for this part; you can’t have it come across as insincere. “I tried to kill them. I failed, thankfully. I think he killed me five, six times before I yielded? And we actually talked afterwards, and I… went away for a while.”

Her mouth is open, her eyebrows raised. “How… How could…?” You brace yourself. But she takes a breath and readjusts herself. “Is that why you don’t like being here? Or is that why you’re here now?” Her tone is much flatter than usual. Is she trying to reel herself in?

Is… that why?

“I don’t think I should be rewarded, not after that,” you say, “And yet! The Universe still insists on seeing through my wants in ways I very much did not request. So, I’ve tried staying back. Tried staying out of all of this. I didn’t want to make things worse, but… things happen, anyways. I just… I thought you had a right to know.” 

She leans against you. You instinctually freeze, and she pulls away. “Right! Different boundaries; I forgot.” You didn’t mind it, but… it is a bit too much right now. She laughs a bit, which surprises you. “You both talk about dying way too casually for me to be comfortable.”

“Hm?”

“You mentioned Siffrin killing you several times like they were blocking an attack.”

“It was self-defense! And, besides, I could loop back while they couldn’t. It wasn’t as though killing me was going to stick.” You’re not entirely sure if he was aware of that the first time he killed you. But it wasn’t as though it ended up mattering, did it?

“You could…” Mirabelle shakes her head, “It’s too late in the evening to think about that. Change, I have to go to sleep after this!”

“Oh stars, I hadn’t considered that.” This is probably the worst timing on your part. There’s no way you’ll be able to sleep, not after this. “I’m sorry.”

“For what, exactly?”

Um, does she want a list? “For bringing this up? For not paying attention to the time? Or, I don’t know, maybe for trying to kill your friend?”

“Well, thank you. For telling me. And for apologizing. I don’t… I think I’ll need to think through this.” She stands up from the couch but does look back at you with a smile.

You’re… very tired. It’s taking too much effort to stay out here.

And it would be rude to end this scene with you, wouldn’t it?

— — —

“We can talk more later. Just… if nothing else, could you try telling the others, Loop?” 

The name makes you very aware that you are not Loop right now. But you don’t feel like announcing that right now. So, you just nod. 

Mirabelle goes to her room. 

You follow her action, going into your room. Since Isa’s still in the bathroom, you’re on your own. As much as you can be, anyways. It’s still a mess in here. You’ll try organizing it tomorrow, but… right now, you just don’t have the energy.

… 

They didn’t mention how they asked you to kill them.

You’re not going to tell the others, not if they don’t want to say it.

Looking over at your nightstand, you find the Stripey Cat plush and… Oh! The note! You’d entirely forgotten about it.

You pick it up and unfold it. It’s a bit short.

You did it!!! So proud of you, stardust!!!

Ah, I should probably give you some notes on what you’ve missed, right? So, we’ve mostly been working through the request pile. Although, I think we might be going out and doing more in the next few days. Oh, and everyone knows that I’m me, now! At least on the name level. Your Housemaiden’s the only one who knows the rest. 

Anyway, you have your friends to go talk to, now! So go do that! I’ll be here, as usual.

Bye!~

You take a breath in, and out. (You did a good job, you know?)

[...]

[I don’t think so, but you’re too sweet for your own good. Could you please go to bed, though? We can’t focus on a blinding thing. I don’t even have the energy to tease you right now; that’s how dire this is.]

You laugh. You’ll talk about the other stuff later. For now, you need some rest.

You get ready for bed and drift off.

Chapter Text

You hardly even notice the next time you're brought out in the front. You’d been paying somewhat close attention to the task at hand, out of boredom, partially. It wasn’t the most interesting task to watch with Isabeau and Siffrin pulling weeds out of someone’s farm that had been overtaken when the workers were frozen. But you were a bit tired of sitting around…

And now, it's your turn, apparently! For a few moments, you just keep at the task the same way as before, hardly noticing a difference. It wasn’t until you almost tripped over the pile of shrubbery beside you that you zoned back into attention.

“You alright there, Sif?”

“Try again!” you say slightly teasingly. 

He looks embarrassed. “Oh! Sorry, Loop, didn’t mean to…”

“Oh, no, it’s fine! It wasn’t like I announced myself or anything.” Stars, it’s ever so slightly more difficult to keep up your voice when doing this kind of work. It isn’t as though you want to slip into the old one, though. That one is reserved for your beloved stardust to use. And you like having that distance. The voice was certainly a bit at first, a way to keep Siffrin from clocking you immediately, but now… it’s just a part of who you are, almost.

“Got it! Just let me know if you need a break, yeah?”

You nod and get back to work. It’s still so strange, moving around the cloak like you used to do all the time. There’s something off about it, even putting aside the whole ‘not supposed to be here in the first place’ dilemma. Being thrown out of this body only to return to it when you got used to the other one… it’s jarring.

But you have noticed the body isn’t fully the same, not all the way. You’re starting to feel it now. It gets tired so much faster than it used to. Especially when you’re just standing somewhere for an extended period of time. It’s almost hard to explain, but it’s close to how it feels when you’re about to pass out. So, you mostly sit while pulling the weeds unless you need to get better leverage. Some of the roots are blinding difficult to get out of the ground. 

“Well, I don’t know about you, but that’s going to be a water break for me,” Isabeau says as he sits down. “Man! It’s definitely warm for this time of year.”

You knew he was looking at you before announcing that. You must look paler than usual or something. Still, you’re glad he didn’t put the pressure on you to call a break when you needed one because… you don’t know if you would’ve done that. Old habits die hard. These ones even lasted past all your deaths; stubborn habits that they are!!! 

Right, answer the question; don’t make this weirder than it has to be! “Is it, now?” Okay. What sort of response was that supposed to be? Stars, you need to get better at this.

“Oh, right! That cloak has to be helpful right about now.”

Ah, so they’ve officially had that conversation now. Good! It’s nice to know that all those conversations weren’t lost to the sands of time forever due to their connection to the loops. “Temperature regulation’s a big help!”

“That’s great!” It’s weird to see him smiling at you. Any of them, honestly, even though you’ve had some time. Still all so weird… “Anyway, how’ve things been?”

“Hm…” you waver your hand a little, “About average. Which is more than welcome after everything. Actually, speaking of, I was wondering about something!”

“Ah! What is it you want to talk about, my dear Loop?” 

“Oh, just checking in, Fighter!” You’ve partly retired the nicknames. They feel… too simple to use. They’re all well and good for jokes, of course, but… You know most of them don’t even really apply. That they’re stand-ins for the actual thing. Well, in that realm, you need to approach this delicately. “Isabeau…”

“Yeah, what’s up?” He’s already tuned his voice to be gentler. How much are you giving away already?

“I just wanted to ask how much you know, or think you know, about me. I…” want to test something, “lost track of how much I’ve said.” Also true.

“Oh! Well, to start, your name’s Loop. You helped Siffrin through their loops, looked like a star at the time. Still look like one in the head, right?”

You nod. “That is true!” Hm. How to continue this, how to continue this… 

“You and Sif share a body now, you didn’t necessarily before the time thing.” Oh, he’s still going! “You vanished after that ended, wound up there. It… kind of freaked you out at first, which is completely understandable! I would be beyond that if I just showed up somewhere after a situation like all this. But… you speak kind of theatrically when you joke around, you’re kind of shy when you’re not doing that. You joke around a lot.”

Huh. You hadn’t thought… Well, it makes sense he would be paying attention. He’s perceptive! Can’t keep forgetting that. “Hm, interesting! Although, I do have to wonder… I know Mirabelle found something out a while ago. So, I was wondering if…”

“Oh, did she? She hasn’t told me anything. Probably should’ve guessed something was up… she’s kind of cagey when she mentions you…” Ah. You… hadn’t wanted to hear that. He seems a bit lost in thought, though, so he doesn’t notice this particular time.

“Well then… any theories as to what it might be about?” You’re going to have to tell people eventually. It… would be wrong to have Mirabelle be the only person to know. Stars, why is this more difficult than dying was for you? 

“It wouldn’t happen to be about the… first time you showed up, would it…?” You don’t know if you’re imagining things or if his cheeks have gotten darker. Was it really that embarrassing on your part?

You would be lying if you said you didn’t want to know what this was about. “Hm, what about my first appearance?” It was certainly not the best of your work. In fact, it was one of your worst moments when reacting to the others, but… You still want to know what he thought of the interaction. 

“Well, I was thinking back, and… the inn wasn’t the first time we spoke, right? There was that time before.” 

You’re confused. “More specificity, if you would.”

“Uh… with the Craft exhaustion? Just the way that… Could’ve just been from being sick and all, but Sif usually doesn’t talk about being dead, even when he does bring up dying and…” He seems to cut himself off there.

You don’t know what… Oh, wait. No, there is a memory. You did show up once before the inn! Oh stars, you, you… You cover the face with the hands. Not everything’s super clear, but you know enough that it was, in fact, really embarrassing for you!!! 

“Oh! Sorry! I didn’t mean to…”

“No, no. It’s fine just… forgot about it entirely!” You’re still not revealing your face. Stars, you were out of it at the time! Stupid Craft exhaustion and dying making you think you were in a different point in time entirely… 

Wait, but that… You don’t know how obvious it was. But you were definitely interacting with him like you were still… how you were before everything. Maybe not in personality, but still. “Did you…? I mean, you must have some theories as to why I was like that, no?”

“Uh… well… you did act different and all from how you normally do. Probably some Craft Exhaustion stuff wrapped up in there…” Isabeau isn’t looking directly at you for a second before readjusting his focus. 

Hm. Is he holding something back? “You can come out and say what you want to. I’m asking for theories, so go for it! I want to know, even if it does sound… you know, out there.” 

“Yeah, well… you at the very least can remember a lot of that that Siffrin can. You brought up the eye incident like it was a personal account, so…”

Ah, had you? Embarrassing. Well, at least you weren’t as delirious as you were then. Still… Isabeau isn’t directly saying his conclusion, is he? “So…?”

“So… you were definitely around before; that’s obvious. You know a lot about us already, you’ve had strong reactions to being mistaken for Sif, and you…” he looks down again, “you clearly aren’t all the way comfortable with the group yet. Like you’re keeping stuff back, yeah? The sort of stuff that’s hard to talk about?”

“Maybe I am; maybe I’m not! Who’s to say, right?”

He’s looking back up, “And there’s the voice again. Do you want me to guess, or should we save this for another day?”

Well, you’re not really back up and ready to start pulling weeds again. And you started this stupid conversation because you wanted to stop avoiding things. Still, here you are again, avoiding everything like usual! Ah, you’re so predictable, aren’t you?

Ugh. You should really follow your own advice, shouldn’t you? “No… it’s…” Stars, you still can’t get anything out!!! Is your blinding brain broken on something?!?

“Hey, I get it. It sounds like it’s something big. But you want to say it, yeah?”

You nod. 

“Got it. I get it, believe me. Hmmm…..” He closes his eyes, thinking for a moment. “How about you try writing it down when we get back? That way you can have a pseudo-script to go off of. Could… make things easier.”

“You give another nod. That… does sound a lot easier for you. Although, you do have to wonder… “Did you do that?”

“Huh?”

“When trying to confess?” 

His face darkens at a truly impressive speed before he covers it with his hands. “Rightyouknowaboutthat…” He eventually removed his hands from his face and just says, “Yeah… I tried a letter one time but ended up totally chickening out… The thought of leaving it and waiting for a response was just… not great. Everything I tried sounded way too cheesy… I couldn’t stand looking at it. Not that writing stuff out won’t work! It’s just—!”

“I get what you mean,” you laugh slightly. “A script… sounds comforting. I might try that. Thank you.”

“Anytime!”

After resting a bit more, you get back to work. Your mind is already spinning, trying to think of what to say. Do you personalize it for each person? What should you even write? You’re no playwright you… 

You… will have to figure it out later.

***

Stars, this is even more difficult than you imagined. There’s something that’s just too daunting about starting. Do you do this word for word or just improvise from a set of prompts? Do you try to have an informative opening, or do you just start off with a question? Aren’t you supposed to be better at monologues at this point? You’re stuck in your own head all the time, oftentimes literally! So, why is it so difficult to get the blinding words on a page?

You hear a door close nearby. “Oh, are you working on something?” Odile.

You look up from the page. “Just something small Isabeau and I were talking about, not… not anything with our town projects.” 

“Ah. Well, if you’d rather I leave you to your own devices…”

Do you want that? You don’t need help with anything major; this is about you , after all. But you would like… “Do you know how to start a difficult conversation?”

She turns slightly, her brows slightly raised. “Since when would I be the expert of communication of us all?” 

“Well, my options aren’t the greatest, especially with present company,” you point to your head on that last comment. You can make fun of Siffrin and acknowledge you’re equally guilty of something! Is it healthy? Maybe not. But it’s how you live. 

“Hm. Well, you could try prompting the conversation with a question, feel out someone’s comfort to talk. Getting the hardest part to say afterwards might work, gives you less time to try and back out on what you have to say…” She lets out a small  sigh, “It can make the rest of the conversation relatively easy in comparison.”

“Ripping off the bandage?”

“So to speak.” For a moment, she turns back to her door before giving one final look at you. “If it’s any consolation, I doubt it will frighten this team too greatly.”

“Since so much has already happened?”

“I will reiterate that life is quite eventful, especially the more time you have with it. While a time loop may have been somewhat unexpected, it’s unlikely that whatever you want to speak about will irrevocably shake me to my core.”

“What? No flailing or yells of horror?” You’ve gone back to your teasing tone.

“Not even a shocked gasp, I assure you.”

You give a mock shocked gasp in response. Odile gives a slight smile before going into her room. 

And, back to it. Maybe you’ll try that. Be upfront, get it out of the way. Let the scene settle from there. It’s… at least worth a shot, isn’t it? 

***

[I am going to vomit.] Siffrin asked Isabeau if you could talk later about something when you were out next, and the time is now! You’ve agreed to this, but stars above, you do not want to go through with it right now!!! 

(Take a deep breath.)

[Oh, I’d like to see you be so calm about this in my shoes.]

(They’re our shoes.)

[Oh, so what’s yours is mine? Stardust, we haven’t even gone out to dinner yet!~]

(Shoe-d I ask you to?)

[Oh, boo! No puns while I’m having a crisis!]

(Then no comparing me to a bonded partner while you’re having a crisis!)

[Let me have this!!!]

(Okay, fine… Are you sure you want to go through with this?)

[...]

[Yes. It needs to be said, and… I don’t know how else to say it.]

The door to the common area opens. Isabeau walks in and waves at you. 

You take out your script; you knew you couldn’t be off-book for this. 

First, a wave back. An exchange of pleasantries. Double-checking that you’re the one who’s out right now, which you are. And one final question if he’s okay to hear about something. You get an enthusiastic response back from that. 

Thus, without any further ado: showtime. 

“So, you know some basics about me. About the current situation. Stuff like that. But everything gets more complicated with how… how much there is to know.” Stars, you didn’t think this would feel like too much padding when you wrote it, but it’s feeling like that now! “Quick summary… I was Siffrin, sort of.” And there it is, the hardest part to say.

You look up to gauge his response. Right now, he’s just looking at you and nodding. Not any appearance of shock or surprise. At the very least, he’s hiding it well. Or you just haven’t fully explained things yet.

Back to the script. “So, I have some memories of journeying and everything. But when it came to the time loop… I didn’t get through stuff quite as fast. I think I was in there… ten times as long as the person you usually speak to. And after so, so, so many tries; I only managed to get us past the King once. So, I wished for help, and…” not in your script officially, but you continue on your point without the text, “there must have not been… enough of me left to help. If there was, the Universe wouldn’t have so carefully crafted another me that just… hadn’t gone through all of that yet. Helped him instead. Helped me in turn, I guess. But made me unrecognizable, outside; I think I was already that way inside, that I had been for a while, and…” you trail off. There’s more on the script, but you can’t get anything else out. You’d stayed away from it anyway, so what would the use be to return to it?

Isabeau… sits on the couch. He gestures next to him, which you take as an invitation. You don’t know why. Why would hearing all of that lead to a more business-as-usual kind of approach for you two? Hadn’t you just…?

You sit. You’d been standing for too long anyways. A few more seconds pass before you break the silence; you can’t stand it anymore. “Well?”

“Well. It’s a lot to process,” he gives a small chuckle on the last part of the sentence. “I was thinking… somewhere along those lines with the longer I’ve known you. Not all the details. But still, hearing it all out loud… I’m sorry you had to go through all that, Loop. I really am.”

You don’t really know what to say in response. It is nice to hear. But, stars, you feel like you’re just begging for pity, which you don’t need. Although, the part of that you felt the most comforted by was that… he said he thought it might be something along those lines? That even without telling him, he’d started to put together who you might’ve been. “Why didn’t you bring it up before?”

“Huh?”

“You said you thought… that you had an inkling as to…”

“Ah, right. I just… wanted to tell me in your own time, y’know? That kind of thing’s hard to bring up. But you did!”

“Ha! Only after writing down so much of it beforehand! I wouldn’t have… really gotten it out otherwise…” 

“Well, it’s whatever tools work for you, right? I mean, with my initial Change– Not that I’m implying this is the same–”

“It sort of is,” you say. Oh, stars, that might be insensitive. “Or that’s one way of looking at it? I don’t really know; it’s…”

“Yeah. Yeah, no, I get that. Mine was pretty darn deliberate, and I know that Changing when it’s unexpected or sudden or against your will… it happens. It can be a big challenge when it does. Still, it’s… I don’t know. I don’t fully know what I’m saying here, gonna be honest.”

“No, it’s… it’s fine, Isabeau. It… Well, I would say it took a lot of time to get used to, but I’m still not…” 

“Still working on making peace with it?”

You nod. 

“Well, hey. Feel free to talk to me about that anytime, right? Obviously it’s not one-to-one, but… I believe I get some of it.”

“Okay.” Okay! You are considering asking something, and it’s a weird thing to ask for, but you’ve come this far, so might as well! “Would you be okay with a hug?”

“What? Oh, yeah! Of course!!!”

You open up your arms, and you hug one another. It’s a bit tight, definitely firm, but comforting. This is nice. It’s… strange. That this isn’t a dream. That this is somehow real. 

…

You pull away when you’re ready, giving a real, actual, genuine smile! You have no idea how it looks on you anymore; hopefully it’s not off-putting. But you take a glance at the script.

You have some more people to tell, don’t you?

***

“Oh, I had figured as much.”

“Excuse me?” You even stayed on script this time. Stars, is everyone able to figure this out? Is everyone able to piece this together? You thought you were doing a good enough job being distinct from him, but apparently not! 

Odile closes her book. “It took some time. I had my doubts that you were the exact same person who guided us through the House, at first. People can sometimes craft representations of others, real or fictional, for some reason or another, and since I was going off the assumption that this situation was the same as ones I’ve seen before, I thought that was the case for you two as well. So, the similarities between you two were easily explainable by the fact you share a brain.”

Ah, so she thought you weren’t exactly you? That you were some other version of yourself that Siffrin came up with because they needed help for some reason? Ha! The irony is not entirely lost on you there. “Oh? Well, what made you change your mind, then?”

“A few things. One, the memory gaps being… different than how I would expect. You never discuss anything before the House, or you only do so in vague details. That wouldn’t be much on its own, memory gaps of that nature are fairly common for the condition. 

“However, you sometimes describe the layout of the House different than how Siffrin does in small ways. Rooms being on different floors, there being an actual bottle of wine, the emphasis on the final floor. Which brings me to my final point, how you’ve described guiding Siffrin. Memories can be fabricated, but yours include details that line up well with what Siffrin’s shared that I have no reason to believe that you were indeed separate from them at that time. 

“So, between that and how your case was a bit of an odd one to begin with, it was easy to take your word that the cause was more or less preternatural. Which made the details of your similarities… a different story entirely.”

“Well, congratulations, Researcher! Your theory was right.” And back to your mask. In fairness, it is really easy to fall into. Although, you are curious… “Why did you not bring it up before? It sounds like you’ve known for a while!”

“It’s… a matter I would have wanted to bring up in private, in case you didn’t want the others to know. And, of course, I wanted you give you space on the subject.”

Give you space. “So I could tell you in my own time? Is that it?”

“Mostly. Give you time to process everything. Everything sounds as though it would be difficult to come to terms with… I would only hazard to intrude if I feared harm would come to yourself or Siffrin.”

Huh! Well, you find it surprising she hadn’t mentioned anything, then. Or maybe you’re too cautious about causing harm to him that you think your words are more frightening to others than the words actually are? 

“Hm. Isabeau did something similar.”

“Ah, so he knows?”

“I just told him a little bit ago. Mirabelle too, a longer time ago.”

“Oh, so I’m the third to get the speech?”

“Apologies, Researcher, I will do better next time, I swear it!”

“I expect to see as much.” Oh, good, she’s gone back to teasing as well. You still don’t get it. How they were able to recognize you, despite everything that had shifted around. But still… it’s comforting. Like you didn’t leave, not entirely.

Well, that leaves one last person, doesn’t it?

***

“What.”

“Hm… think of it like this.” You had changed the script up; you didn’t want to put too much on them. But it sounds like it didn’t come across as well as you would’ve liked. “You travelled with one Siffrin for a long time. Then, with the looping thing, two were made. I was the first one, and Primary Siffrin was second!”

“That makes no crabbing sense,” Bonnie crosses their arms, “Cause if you went apart at the same time, how would one of you be the first?”

Okay, you might be able to explain this? “Well, I was looping alone. And when I needed a lot of help, I was put by the tree, and Siffrin was made.”

“But you’re Siffrin.”

“No, I was. Now I’m not!”

They scrunch up their nose. “Weird.”

“I could draw it out… if that would help?”

“Yeah, sure. I get it and all, but just so that you can explain it right this time.”

You give a small laugh before getting a paper and pen. The drawing ends up having a lot of arrows. Almost like a… no… that’s not the word… Flowchart! That’s what it is! You don’t know how effective it is, but Bonnie at least acts as though they understand. You can explain it to them again if you need to. You think you might actually be able to do that.

It’s you who’s out for dinner that night. The main dish is a barley soup you like quite a bit. Soup in Vaugarde doesn’t always work well for you, but of course this one is made well. But, for the first time, you notice how much less weight you feel. They know now, don’t they? Almost all of it. Which…

You… never thought you’d get this far, not even close to it. Everything pointed to the contrary. But it’s incredible, isn’t it? To be surrounded and able to give so much love? Maybe one day it will surprise you a little less, but for now, you sit and enjoy the moment. 

Chapter Text

You come to in the middle of a library, feeling kind of groggy with a headache. Huh, weird. Usually you’re a little bit more aware now before you’re able to zone in, but this time you barely have any memory of what you were— or, well, what Loop was doing in the meanwhile. So, you check your pocket. 

You do thumb their coin for a second. With how far north you all are right now… It’s nice to be close to the sea again. Even if the rest is still gone for now, you like having small things that momentarily remind you of home. Anyway, you do find a folded up letter in there. You pull it out and unfold it. It certainly isn’t the one you put in there a day or so ago. 

Hiya stardust!

So! That’s now three counts of me accidentally popping out while drunk. I wouldn’t have written, but I’m still here this morning. You really should drink more water or eat beforehand or something; I can’t keep dealing with these headaches. 

Anyway! Since we kind of feel absolutely atrocious, I’m having trouble reaching you. So, update, we’ll be moving out of this town with everyone tonight. Which means Bambouche is right around the corner!!! I’m not packing all of your stuff unless it really comes down to the wire, so good luck with that! Bye~

Your Most Esteemed Ally and Sponsor,

Loop!

Okay, noted. That will end this part of you all adventuring soon enough… You’ve all been working on plans for Mira's pilgrimage. It won’t feel the same while Bonnie’s away, but they’re already familiar with getting letters from and sending letters to Nille that you’re certain they’ll stay in contact with you all. Still. It’s weird to think you’ll have to say goodbye to them for so long. You’re going to miss them.

Your mind wandered so much you forgot where you were for a second. The first floor of the library is surprisingly crowded today. That might be why Loop retreated; they don’t do well in a crowd. There’s a book in front of you. It’s… well, you can read it now! It looks like a page from a short tale. It seems to be based on an account from a person coming across a covered lady, possibly meaning a veiled lady, who smelled quite sweet. The man who saw her was quite drunk, and it was quite dark outside. He followed her, and she lifted her veil. For a second she appeared beautiful before her face started to decay, becoming quite dead and rotten as the air turned foul. The man nearly died according to the story. You think you’ve heard something like it before, some folk tale that tells people to not bother others, especially at night. 

Thinking about it too much is giving you more of a headache, though! You close the book and write its call number down on Loop’s paper. You highly doubt they would mind this; it only feels right to have some record of the book. 

You look around the library to see if any of your family members are around with no success. Weird. You can definitely travel on your own, but you all tend not to do that. Loop must have been doing personal research then. Doesn’t look like they got too far; the book of short stories was the only one you had. 

Okay, you don’t like doing this too often, but it’s good for a quick answer. You make the fifth Craft symbol and bring it up to your ear, thinking about Loop. 

(Hello?)

[Stars, don’t make this long! The headache medication just started taking effect.]

(I won’t! Just a quick question if you want me to look into any specific books or not.)

[No, you don’t have to! Just some stupid research I was doing, don’t worry your little head about it!]

No doubt they’re deflecting there. (We can look more into it in Bambouche if you would like…)

[Yes, fine, sure! Now bye~!!!]

Some beeps come from your hand…? Did they hang up on you suddenly? Rude. You did get the information you needed, though. You should be fine walking back to the hostel you all have been in for the past few days.

It’s midafternoon, going off of the sun. The streets in this town are easy enough to navigate. There’s a main road near the hills that has a lot of branching pathways coming off of it. It makes it easier to find any landmarks you recognize. Which you come across after going down a few blocks. There’s this one building with a tall, pointed roof that doesn’t fit in with the other buildings' style. The hostel’s two to the left from it. You enter through the gate the place locks at night before immediately spotting Mira at the bar area eating some pasta. You go over and give a small wave.

She looks up from her book. “Oh. Hi!” She waves back. “Um.. am I speaking to…?”

“...Siffrin,” you say after a slightly awkward pause trying to piece together what she was asking. 

“Okay! Just wanted to be sure!!! It would feel wrong to accidentally… Well, anyway! Have you gotten all your things packed?”

“Not at all if Loop’s to be believed,” you say, smiling. Packing comes pretty easily to you now. It didn’t for a while… When you think about it, you spent more time in Dormont than you had spent anywhere else since washing ashore. It was nice going back to travelling after everything, but it still felt weird to leave… You still have dreams of being there. Not all nightmares, surprisingly, many of them were regular dreams. It seems to be the default place your brain turns to when you need to think of a location for a dream to be set in. You don’t think you like that, but you don’t have much of a say in it. 

“Hm? I-is everything okay?” Mira asks. Oh no, you zoned out while she was speaking. Be more careful not to do that! 

“Yeah! Lost in thought about packing. What were you saying?” Stars, you feel bad for having to ask.

Mira doesn’t seem to mind, though. “I was just wondering aloud about what I still have to pack… I guess this room makes it easier with all our things out and about! It's easier to not worry about missing something. But still… I cannot risk leaving behind the short story collection I just got!!!”

Right, you remember this! “From the author of The Cursing of Château Castle ?”

“Yes! There’s a oneshot of an interaction between Lord Joséphandre and Pierre-Jacques-Erneste right before Issue #68 towards the end!!! I have to know what words were exchanged… so close to Pierre-Jacques-Erneste’s sacrifice… I can’t leave that book behind.”  

You might be able to help with this. “Want me to remind you right before we leave?” That’s assuming you’ll remember, but you feel moderately confident you can do that much.

“Yes.” She’s looking directly at you. You’re minorly afraid, but you give a thumbs up and go back to your family’s room upstairs. 

There’s a large amount of water you guys have stored that you’ll need to condense. This area’s water isn’t potable, so people rely on filtering it themselves or buying it from stores. So, you go over to the bunk bed to sort that out when something plops on your head. It’s a plush, striped cat. It seems you’ve been attacked by Stripey Cat once again.

You tilt your head up and see the face of your attacker. Or rather, the large hat of your attacker. “Oh no, I’ve been defeated!” you call out as you sink to your knees and dramatically fall on the floor. More melodrama than you intended; it slips out of you sometimes. You expect to hear some snickering, but you don’t. So you get up off the floor and knock on the side of the bed. “Anyone awake or alive up there?”

“I can’t be awake and dead,” Bonnie mumbles. “That’s stupid.”

You look over in a corner and see that they have their stuff ready to go, which is faster than usual. So why…? “Are you excited to go home?”

A huff from the bunk bed. “I wanna see Nille again and everything, but I don’t wanna go back to school after everything. It’s going to be so many stupid crabbing lessons that will take me too long… it’s boooringgg…” They sit up, and you can see them better. “You guys are lucky, being able to just do what you want…”

You do your best to soften your expression. “We’ll write you as much as we can.”

“Yeah but you crabs will be moving around so much I won’t know where to send letters to!!!!!”

That’s… true enough. The postal system in Vaugarde is decently reliable but usually slow. “There’s more planning on where we’re going this time… we should be able to tell you were you can send your letters next. That should work, right?”

“Maybe…” Bonnie slumps a bit. “You’re not even going to tell a stupid pun about letters?”

An opening. “I could, but I’d have to work on my delivery first.”

“ACK!!!” They heard you loud and clear! 

A few seconds pass in silence. Slowly, you lift up Stripey Cat to the upper bunk where they can see it. “You want it back?”

“It’s your crabbing cat,” Bonnie says, their eyes fixed on the plush.

“Yeah, but… if someone wanted to hold onto it for me while they go through the school year, that would be okay, right?”

Their eyes light up a little. “Wait, really?!?!?”

You smile, “Yeah! I’m sure Stripey Cat would like to stay at one spot for a while. It’s been travelling for so long, it might need a break!”

Bonnie excitedly grabs Stripey Cat from you. “Are you sure? You won’t miss it??? Will Loop miss it?!?”

“I can double-check, but they will probably be okay with it being in capable hands.” Besides, Loop didn’t really claim much that you have as their own. You’ve been trying to work on it, but it seems they like picking things out for themselves when they feel like they can. “Think you can handle it?”

They nod and smile. “Thanks, Frin!!!” Success! 

You just give a smile back and go to your stuff over in another corner. Loop was not lying; they have not packed much of anything yet. So, you get started on that. You don’t have too much; a lot of your items are various knick-knacks you stuff into the pockets of your cloak. Acorn bird feeder you came across, a ring some street vendor gave you kind of uncomfortably, a small box you can store smaller coins in… Mostly just keepsakes. 

The most challenging thing for you to pack is clothes. Usually you just cycled through similar enough clothes and put your cloak overtop. But now you have more! The latest isn’t really yours… Isa designed it with Loop in mind, some dress they liked the silhouette of. You think it looks nice as well, but you want to let them have something for themselves. 

You have figured out a system for fitting clothes in a bag. Fold halfway and then roll it tightly together. It works best for lighter clothing, which qualifies most of your shirts. You pack them away int your bag, get some other things where they need to be, and there you go! Successfully ready to go when needed!

There’s some sounds of people talking getting closer to the door of the room. It opens, as Isa and Odile walk in. “We could easily take a wagon if it would help, Madame.” 

Odile considers it for a moment. “Yes, I think my old lady bones would appreciate a break from walking with too many bags.” 

“I could also carry those for you if that’s the problem,” Isa offers.

“Isabeau, I am more than capable of carrying my own bags. In fact, I recall carrying one of yours when you twisted your ankle on the way to the fourth orb.”

Isabeau closes his eyes and titles his head up. “That would be correct. I never meant to doubt, Madame.”

“Good. Take care that it doesn’t happen again,” she says, smiling. 

“IT WON’T, I PROMISE!!!” Isa turns his attention to the room itself. “Ah! Looks as though people are already packed and ready to go!!!” 

You nod and put your bag out of the way. “Do you need help packing your things?”

Isa shakes his head. “Nope! Got it all under control. Appreciate the offer, though!” He gives you a wide smile before going over to his bed and arranging his stuff. Odile seems to be mostly packed as it is. Which means you and your family members will probably be ready to leave early. Huh. It’s weird, to have this be real. The fact that in a few days, you all will be down a party member for a long while, if Bonnie will even feel like joining you guys again later. 

[...]

You can feel them a little bit closer now. (How are you handling this?)

[Oh, you know!]

(That is not at all helpful…)

[Take a singular guess, and you’ll probably be correct.]

(...)

[It’s not that bad, really… I didn’t even think I would get the chance to see them again, so… no need to complain.]

(You’re still allowed to be upset.)

[We knew something like this would happen at some point or another, stardust… I’ll be okay with it. Or I’ll learn to be.] You swear you hear something like a laugh. [I mean, I should at least be able to stop myself from crashing and trying to take you with me this time around.]

(Thanks…)

[Anytime!] 

You just… hope you can do the same. You feel mostly fine for now, aside from the preemptive sadness. Just… you don’t want to blow up at everyone again. You can’t afford to do that… 

[Hm. Well, you keep me in check, and I’ll keep you in check.]

(Because that worked so well in the loops.)

[... Good enough point. Well, we’ve gotten better at opening up every now and again, at least? There’s something with that.]

You nod, which is weird because you don’t know if they can actually tell you’re doing that. (Yes. We’ll keep trying.) As many times as you need to. Somehow, despite all of the times you’ve messed up since the loops ended, everyone’s stayed by your side. It really shouldn’t be as surprising to you as it feels, but… you’re glad. You’re glad to have people like them with you. And you can’t have them forever, not always. You came to terms with that before; you can do it again.

You’ll be okay.

———

You and your family members end up taking a wagon to Bambouche. With a bit of luck, you wound up reminding Mira to get her book. She already had it with her, but she had proudly shown it to you when you asked. Although, she’s not reading it now.

No, you all are having a final snack break before arriving in Bambouche. 

“I've still got some tomato bruschetta, chicken wings, and chapati! Choose!!!” Bonnie says.

You’re feeling kind of hungry, so, “Some chapati for me.”

“Here you go!” Bonnie hands you a large piece of flatbread before going to pass out the other snacks everyone else claims. You take a bite. It’s a lot more buttery than you expected! They must’ve added some oil to it.

“Excellent work, snack master!” you say in between bites. Bonnie beams as they bring Stripey Cat out of their bag and looking it over a few times. 

The conversations go along well. The food is really good, although the chicken wings are a bit messier than most of the snacks you have; Isabeau has to use napkins. You laugh a lot more than you expect with everyone talking. 

At a certain point, though, you look out over the wagon. You’ve made it far north enough now; the wagon just has to go east a little bit more before getting to Bambouche. So, out of the corner of your eye, you can see the ocean.

It’s been months since you’ve seen it, but you know… (Can you see this?)

[Yes…] 

And things get blurry again. Not the first or second or third time it’s happened to us since everything, but it’s still disorienting. It’s just a lot… seeing the sea again. Being so far away from the land-locked Dormont… It’s nice, in a way. A reminder that we’re far away from all of that now. That we made it. 

We cross our arms, hugging the both of us slightly before focusing back in on (your family members') [your loved ones’] conversation.