Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

[] = ASL/BSL

I lean over my desk, propping my elbows up as I watch Stanley traverse the hallways of his parable. Although, it was also technically mine in a sense. I shuffle my papers, nudging up my glasses as I read the script mindlessly, the barren office I sat in with nothing but my chair, monitors, and a table having bored me long ago. Of course, I could change the color of the walls, or add more, but I knew that time spent in that way was more time spent away from the parable.

I tap at my mic, making sure it was on once Stanley paused at one of the doors, looking up at the ceiling. I smile softly. It was endearing how he looked there as if I resided there, or anywhere, for that matter.
“Hm? What is it, Stanley? We must get on with the story, yes?”

[can we take a break]

I stare at him as he signed, raising an eyebrow. “Why- I suppose, we could, but- It’s not like you need a physical break, the reset’s would prevent that, wouldn’t they? Although- Ah, I suppose that mental health could…” I frown, noticing the tired look in his eyes.
“...Say- Is-... Is there, perhaps, a reason why you’ve… Been taking the zending, and the Museum ending?” I sigh upon seeing him nod his head solemnly.

“Well- Ah… How do I say this- After you told me that I was… Inhumane- I thought there… I could…” I take a deep breath, tapping my foot subconsciously.

“...Nevermind. It’s heavily irrelevant. What were we saying? Ah- Yes, a break… Do you want to go to the zending? Although, I suppose with- The issues you’ve been having, that would be counter intuitive- Alas, I can block off the area with the staircase-”

I rambled mindlessly, pausing as I noticed Stanley sign something.

[please just stop talking]

I wince, not only hurt by what he said, but by the fact that he was in this state.

“...Alright. I’m going to teleport you.” I drag my cursor to my other monitor, typing in a few things and changing the position of his character model to the zending, shortly after moving a wall in front of the door to the stairs.
I watched as he slowly sat down, unsure how to console him or if I should console him at all. I hesitated, moving my model down to the zen room, terrified of what he’d do when he saw me. Maybe he’d make me go back.
Tell me he never wanted to hear my voice, much less see my face.
I brace as I feel myself rapidly move through darkness, before finally settling, staring at Stanley as he sat in the center of the room, watching the lights, unaware of my presence.
It shook me to be so close to my creation. It shook me that I was in an area other than my office, and even then, being in my office shook me, only recently having made my model so as to be more ‘humane’ after our argument a while ago.
I hesitantly walk over, watching him startle upon hearing my footsteps, him spinning around to look at me. I flinch. “...Ah- Hello… S-Stanley.” It felt weird to feel my voice echo around the room and not directly around Stanley.
I watch him stand up, tensing as he walked over to me. “...I-I’d like to apologize for everything I’ve done to you. You- You can hit me, if… You’d like… I’ve made you die hundreds of times, something like that still wouldn’t compare, and-” My breath hitches upon feeling his arms wrap around me. “...A-Ah. Uhm- This is… Odd.”

I slowly wrap my arms around him in return.

Chapter Text

I eventually pull away, staring at him for a few moments, frowning upon seeing how sad he looked. “Ah- Did- Did I do something wrong? Did I say-...” I stumble over my words, trying to hide the panic bubbling beneath the surface (unsuccessfully).

[why didn’t you come down sooner?]

I pause for a moment, slowly noticing the underlying happiness and excitement in his expression. “...” I clear my throat, tugging at my tie, looking away. “...I- Simply thought… You’d-” I glance back over at him, feeling warmth on my face as I force the words out of my mouth. “...Hate me, I suppose.” I clear my throat, looking at him occasionally, still in awe I had made this possible. I am amazing, I know.

[I do hate you]

I flinch, shifting anxiously, rocking back and forth on my heels.
“That’s….. Fair….” I say, my voice soft and quiet, only realizing this after the fact, scolding myself. I was the narrator, why was I acting like this?
I didn’t care what Stanley thought about me! I̶ t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶.

[that doesn’t mean I can’t forgive you though]

I take a deep breath, finally looking at him. “Thank you. I’ll try to earn your forgiveness- Are- Are you happier now? I can stay if you aren’t,” I added.

[I feel better but I want to stay longer]

I hesitate. I knew we should get on with the story. I had said it myself during that damned broom closet ending.
Yet a part of me knew that I’d rather do the skip button ending 10 times than see him kill himself over and over.
(10 times is a lot of years, but I suppose that to be fair, I could bear 100.)

“Alright. Here, let me see…” I pull open my console, flinching at the bright yellow color of the panel. I still wasn’t used to the whole computer thing, and I hadn’t tried out this panel yet.
It took me a while just to figure the computer thing out, and I’m pretty sure Stanley noticed when I spent 5 whole minutes trying to open a single door that one time.
“This could take a moment. Sorry,” I add, fumbling with the controls and trying to find the asset to the employee lounge's couch.
Eventually I found it, and no, I won’t tell you how long it took.
I close the panel upon finally getting the couch to appear in the zen room, trying to hide my pride in my small victory. Plus, the momentary shock on Stanley’s face almost made me laugh.
“I’ve never even sat on one of these, although, you probably would have.” I walk towards it, hesitantly taking a seat. “...Odd.” I see a smile grace his face, and for a moment, I feel warmth spread to my face. I didn’t like it. I look away quickly, still feeling weird. “...Come on- Sit down with me,” I mumble after a moment, just loud enough for him to hear me.

I feel him sit down next to me on the couch, as we sit in silence, watching the lights around us.

Chapter Text

I lean back in my chair, groaning, my head aching. 

That wasn’t even supposed to be possible for me, yet spending an undefined amount of time in a place where ‘time’ is a concept easily broken can make stupid things happen. The timeline stretches out, and bugs appear. Only way to get rid of them is to do a reset. It’s a stupid solution to the issue of if I were to ever stray off track of the story, which I never did.

Until… The last reset, I suppose, but we can put that aside.

…

This was ridiculous! Why was I spending so much time making an upgraded version of Stanley's model, when making my own model took… Again, an undefined amount of time- And I had to steal his model off of the interweb?! You rarely even see his model! He’s just a stupid office worker, for goodness sake! The most baffling part is that I still want to do it!

I scoff, rotating his model in blender, trying to shape out his features more. “...Stanley’s hair looks like a single polygon,” I mused, trying to figure out how to make it look better.

-

I pace the employee lounge, noticing a mug no-clipping into the table. It was… Scary, but the Narrator had explained that it will take far longer for the bugs to actually become dangerous.

I was still kind of stunned by seeing him for the first time. Ever. 

I hadn’t actually thought that my insult about how ‘inhumane’ he was hurt that badly. 

He was the mean one, not me. He was the one who called me addicted to drugs and hookers, not the other way around. He was the one that made me think I had a wife.

He was the one who put me in this hell. 

Yet nothing I ever said had so much as affected them. I could call him a jerk. A low life. A sweaty redditor, to which he afterwards asked what a redditor was. 

It didn’t matter. 

We’d get on with the story, and eventually, after so many endings of pain, I started killing myself every one or two resets, and… 

Then we had that one argument where he confronted me on taking the freedom ending for once. 

I didn’t like thinking about it. Yet even after that, the story continued. Nothing stopped.

I glance up at the ceiling, still unsure where he resided out of bounds. It was also weird hearing his voice in a room for once, rather than from all directions, so I’d assume he doesn’t have a mortal body out of bounds. I could be wrong. Sometimes I heard typing, and papers rustling. I still did not have a clue.

[hey narry]

…

[narry]

…

[NARRY]

…

I scoff despite knowing no sound would be made, glancing over towards the mug that was freaking out on the table. ‘#1 DAD’, it read. I could’ve owned that mug.

I walk towards the wall, banging on it with my fists.

…

I bang harder, hearing him scrambling to see what was happening finally.

“Ah- Stanley- Did you see a bug? Is anything wrong?”

[are you done with the surprise]

“...Not exactly.”

[i’m bored]

“I- Yes, Stanley, I know. You need to give me time and patience, I promise you it will be worth it. I am trying to gain your forgiveness after all. I know that this one action probably won’t fix anything, but I want to try, and that takes time, yes?”

I sigh inaudibly, rubbing at my eyes. 

[alright]

As I hear him rolling away from his monitor on his chair, I suddenly feel a sharp, searing pain in my side, doubling over, feeling as if I was collapsing in on myself, for the first time ever letting out an ear piercing screech.

“I- STANLEY! Stanley, are you alright? What happened- Why is there- Oh- Jesus- What did I just do- I pressed a button-”

Everything else blurs from there until I feel a reset.

The end is never the end is never the end is never the end is never the end is loading the end

Chapter Text

I open my eyes, instantly feeling the searing pain in my side, although a bit of numbness in the area.

“Stanley- Has the pain stopped?”

I hear the Narrator's voice all around me, his tone having underlying hints of fear, glancing up to the ceiling and shaking my head in response. 

Upon hearing a sad sigh, I quickly tried to sign something, faltering upon noticing the lack of feeling in my left arm. I spell out the letters slowly. 

[it feels a bit numb]

Instead of the relief I expected, I hear more panic. 

“That’s- That’s really bad, oh good heavens, I’ve messed it up this time, haven’t I-” I tilt my head, trying to keep my composure despite feeling like I could collapse for a second time.

[did you not cause the numbness? I thought you did]

“I- Stanley, why would I be freaking out if I did cause it!” I flinch, looking away. “...I…”

The silence felt suffocating in the few moments that it lasted.

“...I’m sorry. I don’t- I didn’t mean to yell. This is my fault that we are in this situation anyway.”

I frown. 

[what do you mean]

“I-... I suppose there’s no point not letting you know. You- You know the surprise? That I was working on?” I nod, imagining him fidgeting in his office, or wherever he resided. 

“Well- Ah, what am I saying- You’ve probably noticed that you… Can’t move your arm. Just- Give me a moment…”

I hear typing for a moment, before noticing something new in the corner of my office. I walk towards the full body mirror, staring at myself for a few moments.

It shocked me to see how much more… Real I looked. It still looked like me, but there were multiple new things added to my appearance. I moved backwards slightly, noticing how my collared shirt moved slightly. I ruffle my hair with my right hand, continuing to stare at myself.

“Ah- How do I explain this- I… While I was trying to download your original model to use as a back up if anything went… Wrong with the new one- I accidentally- Er- Loaded you as the new model?... And…” 

[thank you]

After a moment of silence, I hear him stutter out, “Well- Uh- The model isn’t finished, which- Because of the rigging of it, I hadn’t finished your left arm yet, which is why you can’t move it, of course- There’s simply no reason to thank me yet-”

[the new model is amazing other than the pain in my side]

“Oh- Oh heavens, I forgot about that- Let me load in your old model-”

The end is never the end is never the end is never the end is never the end is loading the end

Chapter Text

I lean forward in my chair, relief washing over me upon seeing that Stanley’s model had returned back to normal. 

“Alrighty- Is everything normal now?” 

I watch him shake out his left arm through my monitor, before looking up at the ceiling and nodding.

“Good, good. I’m going to go work on the… Well, now, it’s not exactly a surprise anymore, is it?” I chuckle softly, vaguely noticing the red tint that covered his face. Odd. Maybe one asset on his old model hadn't loaded properly.

“If you need my attention, which, I know you will, make as much noise as you can.” I roll my chair over to my other monitor, beginning to work on the improved model.

-

I pace my office, not comfortable with the concept of going through the doorway. It had been awhile, and even though I knew this would take time, it was making me think.

I didn’t like thinking, to be blunt, because getting lost in my thoughts was the worst case scenario.

I felt like I should be more angry at the Narrator. 

When I first saw him in the zending, I wanted to punch him. 

I had wanted to scream. 

I had wanted to put him through everything he did to me, show him the hell he trapped me in.

I didn’t know why I hugged him. 

Maybe it was how fearful he had appeared at the time. 

Maybe it was my vulnerability that he took advantage of.

Or maybe I was just stupid. 

He’d told me multiple times how I was ‘fat and ugly, and really, really stupid’. Not that I cared.

It felt like nothing he would do would ever be enough for me to heal, but I truly wanted to try.

I wanted to try and see if instead of playing this cat and mouse game, we could confide in eachother. 

I was shocked when he had stopped the story for me, but it makes sense after 100 resets of me killing myself over and over. 

I knew it wouldn’t be the last time I do something like that again, even if I knew it was a poor idea.

Chapter Text

‘Sitting here

Waiting here

I keep wondering

What could have been my life?

Maybe I would’ve been able to speak

But on second thought

I’d probably be dead

With scars lining my body

Showing the effort I made

To be normal

To be acceptable

To be enough

The second I feel as if I am doing okay

These emotions come in

Swirling

Spiraling

An unexpected pattern

Crashing like waves on an ocean

If instead 

each wave was a tsunami

and 

i 

cant 

stop

drowning

in

them’

-

I save the model I made in blender, glancing over at my other monitor, seeing Stanley writing something at his desk. “Oh! Why, I never knew you were an artist, Stanley.”

I see him jump up, quickly turning the paper over on his desk. I frown.

“Ah. I’d suppose you don’t want me to read it. While I am aware of the fact that my story is clearly better than whatever you wrote, it surely can’t be that bad, yes?”

[it’s embarrassing]

“Is it, now? I hope you realize you are simply making me more interested in what you wrote, even if I respect your privacy.” 

I tug at my tie subconsciously, watching him sign up towards the ceiling.

[did you finish the model]

“Hm? Ah, yes! If you’d like, I can reset so that your model updates.”

[thank you]

“Er- It’s… No problem.”

The end is never the end is never the end is never the end is never the end is loading the end

-

Looking around for that paper

Anxious if he did something

To read it

To take it

Or maybe it was just gone

I was relieved to find it still there

On the desk

Stagnant

Like i had found myself for a while

Raising my hands

I find myself asking

[can i see the new model]

“Hm- I can pull up that mirror asset from before. Besides, I didn’t make it just for you to not see it, yes?” Narrator.

[thanks]

“...” 

Hearing his silence 

Told me 

That he wasn’t used to seeing me say that

Chapter Text

Seeing the new Stanley and the smile that crossed his face was worth it.

“So- What do you think?”

[it’s amazing]

“Good, good! I’m pleased that you like it. Now, shall we get on with the story?”

I see the hesitation on his face, and it pains me. 

This is why I disliked going off script and taking breaks. 

He’d always want to stay doing whatever it was we had done. 

It was frustrating, yet at the same time, I knew he had reason to not wanting to go back to what we had always done.

Even if I knew that my parable was great, regardless of what Stanley has said, I knew that being stuck reliving the same things over and over again would be…

Unpleasant would be an understatement.

I pause, noticing him signing something at the ceiling, snapping out of my thoughts.

[narry]

“Ah- Yes, Stanley? Did you answer?... I guess my head is rather crowded today, hm?” 

I chuckle, seeing that same tint on his face again. 

I supposed I’d messed up on the new model too.

[it’s fine i said we can continue]

“Thank you.” I clear my throat, shuffling my papers and pushing up my glasses.

“This is the story of a man named Stanley.”

-

I glance up at the ceiling

listening to him ramble about the story

Standing there

Waiting for him 

To                                                                                                                        stop

I felt my vision blurring

My head felt numb

Or foggy

I couldn’t tell

What I did know is that 

I wasn’t in 

control

-

“When Stanley came to a set of two open doors, he entered the door on his left.”

I turn my paper, noticing Stanley walking towards the door on his right. I try not to scoff audibly, trying to remain in character and stay on script.

“This was not the correct way to the meeting room, and Stanley knew it perfectly well.”

Yes, yes, let me make you a whole character model! Let’s hold hands and walk into the sunlight while playing the freedom ending. 

Or not.

“Perhaps he wanted to stop by the employee lounge first, just to admire it.”

I see him walk into the employee lounge, walking as I spoke.

“Wow. Yes. This room-”

I try not to throw my keyboard across the room as he walks into the hallway ahead. 

“But eager to get back to business, Stanley took the first open door on his left.”

I didn’t know what I expected. I honestly should’ve stayed silent. He would have breezed past the door regardless of my ramblings.

“Stanley was so bad at following directions, it’s incredible he wasn’t fired years ago,” I monologue mindlessly, letting slightly more venom seep into my voice than usual.

Cargo lift, blah blah. Yes, I’m the Narrator, but sometimes, people are so irritating to the point that you don’t bother.

“Look, Stanley, I think, perhaps, we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot here. I’m not your enemy, really, I’m not…! I realize that investing your trust in someone else can be difficult,” 

‘Especially after all I’ve done’, my mind screamed,

“But the fact is that the story has been about nothing but you all this time! There’s someone you’ve been neglecting, Stanley. Someone you’ve forgotten about. Please, stop trying to make every decision by yourself. Now, I’m not asking for me- I’m asking for her.”

I flinch, having gotten so absorbed in my script that hearing the harsh stop of the cargo lift shocked me out of it, seeing Stanley walk forward through the doorway. 

“This is it, Stanley. Your chance to redeem yourself. To put your work aside. To let her back into your life.”

“She’s been waiting.”

I jumped, despite knowing the large thump of the lights turning on in the room was going to scare me.  I shuffle my papers once more, tapping them against my desk and straightening them, trying to ignore the incessant ringing of the yellow telephone on the lone table Stanley was in.

Sad voice, sad voice.

“That’s her, Stanley. You need to be the one to do this-” I try not to stop talking as I notice Stanley walking behind the table.

“ As Stanley picked up the phone, a white light-”

I blink, hearing the ringing stop, looking up from my papers rapidly, staring at the unplugged cord laying on the ground.

“...I- Oh, no, no, no, no, you can’t- Did you just unplug the phone?” I ask, mainly being curious.

“No, that wasn’t supposed to be a choice; How did you do that?”

I shake my head, leaning closer to my monitor as if it would give me these answers.

“You actually… Chose incorrectly? I didn’t even know that was possible.”

Sighing, I flip to the index of my script, scanning for a section with this possibility.

“Let me double check…”

…

“No, it’s definitely here, clear as day. Stanley picks up the phone, he's taken to his apartment where he finds his wife, and the two pledge themselves to one another. Music comes in, fade to white, roll credits.” I drawled, flipping to the area I was at, making sure I didn’t miss anything.

“Not picking up the phone is actually somehow an incorrect course of action. How is that even possible? None of these decisions were supposed to mean anything!” 

“I don’t understand. How on earth are you making meaningful choices? What, did you-”
I pause, my blood running cold, staring at the unmoving expression and hard stare that showed on Stanley’s face.

“Wait a second, did I just see…”

“No, that’s not possible. I can’t believe it.” I laugh anxiously, running my fingers through my hair.

“How had I not noticed it sooner?”

“ You’re not Stanley. You’re a real person. ”

Chapter Text

I put my face in my hands, taking a deep breath, trying not to lose my cool. I roll back up towards my desk in my chair, tapping at my microphone, attempting to compose myself once more.

“Well, now, I won’t entertain you. Yes, you expect an ending, don’t you? Are you surprised or something? Hm, well- In a sense, I am entertaining you. Oh well. I’ll simply leave you here until you go away. You can’t knock on the wall like Stanley can, either, so I’ll know when to come back.” 

I hum softly, drawing the Adventure Line™ on a piece of paper on my desk. Maybe I could have it return for another ending. I did miss it, after all, despite all the trouble it had caused the story.

I glance at my monitor, still seeing the blank look on Stanley’s face, trying to push the sight away. He’d told me multiple times he hated being controlled like that, but he was a protagonist. He didn’t have much of a choice. However, I was trying to gain his trust back, and so therefore, for… However long it takes, I will not condone players.

-

I felt like I was in a fog

A deep

Deep                                                                                                                     

                                                                                                                                                       fog

I couldn’t move

I might as well have been asleep

Hearing the narrator drone on

Barely aware 

Of what he was talking about

Before hearing all consuming silence

Something I hated

Despite myself

I will myself to move

Blink

Maybe even just flinch

And yet my lack of actions

Speaks

Thousands of words

Trapped within my mind

Trapped wasn’t an unfamiliar word though

But this time

I felt trapped 

in my own mind

The one place 

That I was free

-

I glance at my monitor, scoffing at the player. How long had it been? Say, 4 hours? 

This player is what Stanley would have called a redditor.

However, I refused to entertain them. I lean back in my chair, thinking quietly. Maybe I could spawn thousands of parts and completely crash their computer. However, I’d never tried something like that before. It could possibly harm us too. 

I would wait.

I’d waited plenty of times.

This was nothing.

Chapter Text

Feeling the slightest movement from my finger

Woke me up from my half conscious state

Looking up towards the ceiling

Unaware of how long it had been

[narry]

…

[narry]

…

I grab the closest thing to me

A phone

It hits the wall

Where am I?

“Hm- Oh, thank goodness, Stanley. I was worried that the player would never leave! I say we reset, and you can play the game how you want to, yes?”

I nod

rubbing my eyes

My head still feeling foggy

“...Are you alright?”

[yeah this is normal I always feel a bit weird after the player comes in]

“...Well- I didn’t plan on taking another break so… Soon… But if it makes you feel better, we could wait it out, and you could talk to me about your… Frustrations?... I could improve the game for you.”

[okay]

“Alright. I’m going to reset, d-... Stanley.”

The end is never the end is never the end is never the end is never the end is loading the end

I look around

Lights

A familiar sight

And a couch

On a platform that I still marveled at

Yet my sights weren’t the only familiar thing

“Alright, Stanley. I’m here.” 

Spinning around

Seeing the man on the blue couch

Waiting for me

So patient

So kind

Makes me forget

for just those 2 seconds of nothingness

how horrible he is

Yet it doesn’t make me forget his actions

Walking towards him

I sit down

Raising my hands to sign to him

[there was a time]

[a time that seemed so long ago but there was a time that I felt so strong]

[that i believed in myself and i had faith and myself and nobody could tell me a thing about me, i was so sure that i had it all-... i had everything.]

[my smile shined so brightly and I was genuinely happy, but now i look in the mirror and i don't recognize what i see sometimes.]

[that face looking back at me is just a reminder that i’m not good enough compared to everything i hear about and slowly but surely it kills my self esteem to hear that i am out of the ordinary and that i will never be like anybody else.]

[i want to find where i belong. i’m tired of waking up stuck in a sad zone, i want to find the me that once felt so strong, and…]

[what can i offer this world. what can i do that would make someone say, ‘i wanna know that guy. be that guy. i want to be in his world’. I’m tired of feeling so stuck. like i’m just ready to give up i no longer want to keep looking around at what other people are doing, i just want to look at me and feel proud, and finally be able to stand on soft ground]

“...well. I feel proud of you. Even if you can’t feel that way about yourself. I’ll be here for you, Stanley. I want to see you happy, but you don’t have to force that upon yourself.”

“Give yourself grace. Give yourself time.”

feeling tears running down my face

for the first time in a while

my apathy having only grown stronger over time

i felt so weak

hugging the person i hated the most

repeating

those words

in my mind

give yourself grace

give yourself time

Chapter Text

(AUDIO GOES ALONG WITH THIS PART. CREDITS TO BLACKKATDRAWS MY POOKIE FOR ANIMATING THIS <3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv3TPKydXrg)

I hug him close to me, trying to hide the shaking in my hands as I stroked his hair. I don’t remember the last time I’d done something like this. Probably never.

It was difficult to focus on the crying man beside me. 

“Shhh…” I hummed softly, listening to his muffled sobs as he cried into my shoulder.

I was still stunned by the fact that he hadn’t realized he could-

Nevermind.

“We can stay here as long as you’d like, Stanley. Just know I don’t think of you in the same regard that you think of yourself in.” I take a deep breath.

“Okay- I’m only doing this once,” I lied.

“So pay attention.” 

I pause for a moment.

“You are loved.”

I see him shake his head, his hands raising to sign out slowly.

[no i’m not]

I sputter for a moment, before speaking,

“What- What do you mean you don’t think so, of course you are?”

I see him look away, snapping my fingers, him looking back up at me from my shoulder.

“Why wouldn’t you be? Your brain isn’t telling the truth, you are loved.”

[how do you know]

“How- How do I know? Well- Uhm… Well- Let’s move on…” I looked away, my face flushed.

“There is so many things you could do, Stanley-”

[theres 42 endings narry]

I blink, clearing my throat. “...Yes, that is true, but- But I can make new endings! Maybe I could put water in the bucket-”

[are you suggesting waterboarding the bucket]

“Wh- Stanley, no!”

I hear him laughing loudly, smiling at how oblivious he was.

Still had no clue.

“Maybe- Maybe I could make more freedom endings! I read an article saying how going outside more could help with the human psyche, yes?”

[how would you make more]

“...Hm. Good point. I could make it so that the memory zone has a swing area that doesn’t have an end trigger-”

[wait the ends happen automatically]

I stare at him, smirking. “I thought you knew? It either happens when you reach a certain point in the story or-... Die.”

…

[if i don’t die in the metal crusher area i could be stuck forever]

“Well- I- I have a manual reset button, but if I don’t… Notice… That you are alive, then-... Then yes, but it resets me too, so I think I’d notice.”

[okay]

“But the point is that in the freedom ending, if we went outside to have a break, we’d be reset, so I could make an outside area in the memory zone with a swing set that doesn’t reset us. I could also add expansions to the… Broom closet.” I scoff.

[if you came down here more often I could show you how amazing the broom closet is]

“Not necessary, Stanley. I’ve become familiar with it after you spent what felt like days in there that one time.”

[i love you]

“I love you too, S- What?”

[as a friend]

I see him frantically signing, a smile crossing my face. “So we are friends?”

[yes]

“Alright. I love you too, then, Stanley. Platonically. ”

Chapter Text

I roll back and forth on my office chair

roll

      roll

             roll 

glancing up at the ceiling

occasionally looking at the clock on the wall

long ago having found it to be

useless

in a world where time is a foreign concept

looking at my desk

i find the same piece of paper

reading it over

at one point

looking at my wrists

i was right

but i didn’t want to be

i also didn’t have to be

i glance towards the corner

at the mirror

noticing that the narrator had kept it ever since i asked him to see myself for a second time

standing up

i walk over

staring down the person in the mirror

the person i hated

i wanted to scream at myself

yet i knew i wouldnt be able to

so 

i

didnt

try

Chapter Text

I hummed, finally adding the gravity physics onto the swing set, dragging the asset into the memory zone. I glance over at my other monitor, seeing Stanley write on the same paper as before. 

“Hm. You seem to have a knack for that thing, yes?” This time, he doesn’t jump, looking up at the ceiling, putting his pencil down next to the paper, and signing,

[i just do it when i’m bored]

“Ah. I see. Well, if you want my opinion-”

[i don’t]

I scoffed. “Yes, Stanley, I know. I’m telling you my opinion anyway. My opinion is that writing helped me deal with my emotions. You certainly have… A lot of that… Going on, correct me if I’m wrong.”

[what does that have to do with anything]

“I’m just saying that it could be good for you, and I’m happy that you are getting into it,” I hummed, drumming my fingers against my desk. 

“Are you alright with me resetting so that the ending updates?”

Seeing him nod, I smile.

“Alright.”

The end is never the end is never the end is never the end is never the end is loading the end

I clear my throat, shuffling my papers on my desk, waiting for him to step out the door. 

Seeing the confused look on his face, I raise my eyebrow as if he could see me.

“What, you thought that I didn’t want you to play the ending and see my work?”

[sorry i just expected you to talk]

“Ah. Well- I don’t go on that spiel every single reset.”

[fair]

“Go on, now.” I smile softly, seeing him walk out of his office.

“All of his coworkers were-”

I sputter, seeing him walk back inside and close the door.

“Stanley!”

I hear him laughing loudly, trying to hide the smile in my voice coming across my face at the sound.

Still clueless.

“Did- I thought we were seeing my new and improved memory zone!” I act annoyed, him doubling over in laughter. I sigh, shuffling my papers again, it having become a subconscious habit of mine.

“But Stanley simply couldn’t handle the pressure- Oh, bloody hell, why am I reading this!? Look- I’m just going to reset,” I said, seeing the smug smirk on his face.

His stupid face.

Chapter Text

I lean back in my office chair

gaze darting around the room

listening to the man's voice

“Look- Are you… In the mood to go to the memory zone now?”

[nah]

I smile

expecting more anger towards me

maybe a long rant about how I was

‘fat, and ugly, and really, really stupid’

or maybe about how he was

‘at the mercy of an entire species of invalids’

or even better

about how

‘the end is never the end is never the end is never the end is’

i didn’t want to think about it

but instead of what i expected

the words I were met with were simply

“Alright. I can wait. You can play any ending you want.”

I blink a few times

staring up at the ceiling

I couldn’t tell if I was

stunned

or just

confused

[what]

“Did you think I’d force you to play that ending right now? Why- You aren’t sad right now-...”

i hear him pause

“...I hope. I think.” 

he clears his throat

“Simply put, playing this while you are happy means that when you are sad and play it, it'll have less of an effect on making you happier. Good eye, Stanley.”

…

[okay]

Chapter Text

I hum, watching Stanley traverse the halls. “You know, Stanley-”

I see him pause, glancing up at the ceiling.

“I’ve been thinking- Say- Lately- We haven’t been doing much of anything, yes?”

He nods, and I clear my throat.

“Well- I, er- You know what a bike is, yes?”

He cocks an eyebrow at me, an amused smirk on his face.

[i’m not stupid]

“Dh- I wasn’t- Suggesting anything,” I grumbled, glaring at my screen. “But- Anyways. Would- Would you like to learn how to ride one with me? I never really learned-”

[i know how to]

“...Ah. Well- Alright. Let’s just continue on with the story-”

[you never learned]

“Hm? I- What do you mean?” I fidget with my hands, trying to hide the nervousness in my tone.

[i can teach you how to ride]

“.....”

[a bike]

“Okay, thank gods, Stanley.”

[kill your self]

“I- STANLEY!”

I listen to his laughter, trying to hide the smile coming across my face, despite having the knowledge that he couldn’t see me.

“Look- Fine. I’ll come down.” I try to hide the fact that my relent came from how warm and happy he was at the moment.

[okay]

-

glancing up at the ceiling

i wait

and wait

and wait

hearing footsteps in the hallway

leading to my office

i perk up

opening the door

seeing the old man there

the way he held himself making him seem taller than me

despite that only being the case due to my poor posture

his hair gray

wearing glasses that accentuated what otherwise would have been unnoticeable wrinkles on his face

his suit having no wrinkles whatsoever made my glance down at my own

suddenly noticing all the imperfections in myself

my body

i wasn’t standing up straight

i wasn’t refined

i wasn’t pretty

he wasn’t either

i̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶ 

i knew it well

his tie clearly a hint towards the adventure line

and he stared at me with those piercing hazel eyes

those eyes somehow carrying a warmth along with them

“Hello, Stanley. I’m ready when you are.”

and he smiled at me

Chapter Text

"I- Okay, how do-... What the hell is that?" I stared at the pedals on the bike as Stanley helped me up, hearing him giggling quietly.

[pedals]

"...Oh- I heard about that in the... Wifihow."

[wikihow]

"Yes- Wikihow. I said that." I grunted, my face flushing red as I put my feet against them, flinching as I instantly fell over on the bike. "Wh- Huh?"

I watched as Stanley keeled over, laughing so hard that I'd be convinced he wasn't breathing. I tried to hide the smile crossing my face, mainly embarrassed.

"Stanley- Be a dear for me and- Er- Hold... The bike up?" I see him instantly stop laughing, his face flushed.

From laughter.

He walks over, holding the bike steady as I got on. "So, you just- Move... Press your feet against these pedals, yes?"

[mhm]

I stay silent, watching him sign more.

[the most difficult part is balance honestly thats why most people cant ride a bike]

"Ah."

[I can help you balance]

"Sure, yes! Let's do that, Stanley. I'll pedal and you'll hold the bike upright and give me pointers."

He nods, as I start pedalling, instantly falling away from him as I hit the ground, hearing him trying not to giggle at my expense.

"...I heard something about... Training wheels?" I say quietly, hearing him laugh even louder as I smile softly.

My-

Nope.

Just an idiot.

Chapter Text

I hum, spinning around in my office chair, hearing the soft ticking of my clock on the wall behind me as I watched Stanley walk through the halls.

I was quite proud of my work, really. He looked gorgeous- Gah, how do I say that in a way that makes it seem like I'm admiring my work and not him?

"..." I kick open the vent upon noticing him going up the stairs to continue through the game, scowling, doing my whisper voice.

"Psst! Stanley! Come over here- in the vent... I want to show you something!"

It pained me to do that voice every single time. 

However, I brighten upon noticing him crawling through the vent.

"Alright- Ah- Blah blah, er- Stuff about the old Stanley Parable. Come on, let's go, Stanley!" I hummed, shuffling my papers.

I watch him as he walked around outside, his gaze finally landing on the swingset I had made. 

"See- I talked about this with you, so I made it- I tried to make everything... Work! You should feel a breeze now- Maybe birds?..."

I grin upon seeing the soft smile crossing his face.

He liked it, he liked-

I pause, seeing him walk by into the memory zone. "Ah- Do you want to- Recall memories first? Then we can come back, yes, you are a genius-"

[nah]

"...What?"

[i just want to play this ending first]

"... We both-... You know that-... It..." I fumble with my tie, the ticking of the clock feeling louder than normal.

[what]

Seeing the pure confusion and cluelessness on his face, I came to a conclusion.

He didn't care. 

He didn't care about the skip button ending and how it affected me, it was all just about him, wasn't it? And maybe I was overreacting, sure, maybe he's just clueless, h̶e̶ p̶r̶o̶b̶a̶b̶l̶y̶ i̶s̶, but after everything I put him through, maybe this was his payback, showing me he didn't care.

Yes, that had to be it.

[narry]

I pause, noticing how quick my breathing had gotten.

Were the clocks ticks slowly getting further and further apart?

[are you alright]

I ball my fist up by my side, barely able to stop it from shaking.

"W-Why do you care? You don't even- You don't care, don't you? It- I've tried so hard, and you-"

[what are you talking about]

I can barely focus on trying not to interrupt him as he signs more with the clock practically thudding within my head now.

Slowing.

[is this about me passing by the surprise i was just kidding why are you freaking out]

He had to be mocking me. He had to be! Yes. 

It didn't matter that his expression showed genuine sincerity. He was good at faking emotions, I knew that. It took me hundreds of resets to notice he was depressed.

He doesn't care.

He doesn't. 

He can't.

[OH S*** IS THIS ABOUT THE SKIP BUTTON ENDING]

"JUST STOP!" I yelled, seeing him jump back as I gasped for air, my fingers digging into my arms. 

"YOU ONLY NOW REALIZE- YOU NEVER CARED! I WAS SO ALONE! WHAT DO I NEED TO UNDERSTAND TO MAKE YOU LIKE ME!?"

[narry]

I don't bother to let him finish. No. No.

Slower.

"DON'T- CALL ME THAT! I TRY SO HARD- I- IS THIS YOUR WAY OF PAYBACK FOR ALL I DID!? I'M SORRY, OKAY!?"

[WHY ARE YOU APOLOGIZING RIGHT NOW]

"BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE YOU CARE AND MAKE EVERYTHING RIGHT WHEN YOU JUST IGNORE ME AND MY EFFORTS- I TRY SO HARD- AND-"

I felt my voice crack, unsure whether it was because of the tears running down my face or the fact that I had been yelling.

[JUST COME DOWN HERE]

I struggled to breathe, the small office I was in not helping my panic.

I couldn't escape this anymore, and yet I felt as though sobs were simply escaping me at this point and yet I was here and I wasn't gone and I just wanted to be gone 

At any moment he could walk through those damn doors start that ending instead of being safe and happy as we talked and sat and h̶e̶l̶d̶ h̶a̶n̶d̶s̶ and were at peace and

[please]

"..." I try to slow my breathing, nodding as my breathing steadied slowly, still feeling horrible whenever a gasp for air was forced out of me.

[please come down here]

"...okay."

Chapter Text

As soon as I enter the memory zone, I feel the breeze against my skin, grounding me to my surroundings as I look up, my vision blurred from tears.

My eyes hurt, and goodness, I was trying so hard not to cry.

It was embarrassing.

He had to hate me.

Why was I still thinking about myself?

I̶ d̶e̶s̶e̶r̶v̶e̶d̶ t̶o̶ d̶i̶e̶ 

I̶ d̶e̶s̶e̶r̶v̶e̶d̶ t̶o̶ s̶u̶f̶f̶e̶r̶

I̶ d̶e̶s̶e̶r̶v̶e̶d̶ t̶o̶ f̶e̶e̶l̶ p̶a̶i̶n̶

I̶ d̶e̶s̶e̶r̶v̶e̶d̶ t̶o̶

[come here] 

I walk over, barely processing my surroundings, my focus only on Stanley.

[sit down]

He pats the swing next to him, as I slowly sit down, my feet barely touching the ground on the high-hanging swing set.

And it was just that.

Silence.

I surprise even myself with the small sob that escapes me suddenly, willing myself to not cry.

Stop.

Just don’t.

I didn’t deserve to cry.

t̶h̶a̶t̶ s̶o̶u̶n̶d̶e̶d̶ p̶o̶s̶i̶t̶i̶v̶e̶

Before I know it, I’m in Stanley’s arms as he rubs my back softly.

[it’ll be okay]

My fingers dig into his shoulders, barely comprehending his slight wince, loosening my grip upon noticing.

[i’m sorry for everything i think i was too wrapped up in myself to notice how you were stuck too trying to fix what was out of your control]

I sniffle, his shoulder now damp with tears. 

“It’s not your fault I was so selfish and self absorbed so as to snap t-... The second you-” 

My voice cracked.

“Did-...”

I could barely focus on my own thoughts anymore.

I was instead barraged by ones that didn’t feel like mine.

This happened often.

I’d stay in my office, turn off my mic, and try not to die as I practically wheeze for air.

Stanley had enough on his mind, and besides, it would interfere with the story.

The story always came first.

Stanley second.

As for my placing, I had no clue.

It couldn’t be high, that was for sure.

However, each time it happened, I hated it the same amount.

Sure, I learned new techniques, but good luck trying to see 5 things, focus on 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you could smell and 1 thing you could taste in a small room where, in comparison to the present, I could barely focus on anything due to the outdoor setting me and Stanley were in.

[narry]

“...A- Yes?...” I sniffle, wiping my face with my back of my hand, my throat still feeling closed up.

[you randomly zoned out]

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry.”

Chapter Text

I feel his head on my lap

My fingers running through his hair

As he looks up at me

I don’t know how I hadn’t realized sooner

How sad he was

I stop for a moment

seeing him look at me expectantly

silently urging me to continue

running my fingers through his hair

When he noticed I wasn’t signing

He slowly said

“I’m sorry.”

It pissed me off

Why was he sorry right now

And what was he sorry for

Was he sorry for the pain he caused me

Or was he sorry for being human

[I don’t forgive you but i don’t hate you either]

He melts into me

As I run my fingers through his hair

“That’s fine. I hope you can forgive me one day.”

[shut up] 

“Wh-”

[be sorry later]

“But, Stanley-”

[you were hurt too]

…

“Not as badly as you were-”

[do you think I give a damn]

[you were still hurt it doesn’t matter how much it still matters regardless]

“I just- I see you hurting so much more, and I feel lesser, I feel so selfish for caring about these small things-” 

I see him digging his fingers into his arms

As I lightly hold his hands

Making him ease his grip

[you were hurt]

“...”

“I’m sorry.”

[jesus christ]

We both laugh weakly

At how pathetic we were