Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

As the sun rises above Gensokyo, so too a certain nurse rises from her bed, ready to start a new day.

Rin: "Let's try our best!"

Rin spoke to no one in particular. That was most likely an encouragement to herself. Do your best, Rin!

Rin went to the front door of her clinic and flipped the sign to open, indicating that she's ready for business.

Rin: "Okay, the first patient is..."

...

Reimu: "So like, my shrine isn't getting any donations. Can you help me here, doc?"

Rin: "Go away. Ask a financial counselor if you have money problems. Next patient!"

...

Cirno: "So you know how I'm the strongest and all, right? Right?"

Rin: "Mhm."

Cirno: "But for some reason, every time eye go visit that sunflower garden, eye find myself passing out and then waking up at that misty lake after a blinding light comes rushing towards me. Is this some sort of disease that affects only the strongest of the strongest?"

Rin: "Yep, that means you're the strongest. Stand proud, Cirno."

Cirno: "Yay! Can't wait to let Dai know about this!"

Rin: "Next patient!"

...

Yukari: "In my 2000 years of being 17, I have never experienced such a thing. You have to help me, my dear Rinrin~!"

Rin: "Go on, describe your symptoms to me."

Yukari: "No need. Just take a look at this!"

As Yukari said that, she lifted her hair bangs, revealing a small pimple on her forehead.

Yukari: "So? What do you think?"

Rin: "I think that there is nothing for you to worry about. It is perfectly normal for a 17-year-old girl 'such as yourself' to experience this sort of thing. After this all passes, you will find yourself looking prettier than usual."

Yukari: "Oh my~ Surely you jest."

Rin: "You're a 'young girl' after all, so there's no need for you to worry too much. But if you want, I'll prescribe you a special cream to help the pimple go away faster."

Yukari: "I knew I could count on you, my dear Rinrin~!"

Rin: "Next patient!"

...

Ran: "Actually, my visit relates to my master rather than myself. You see, I think Lady Yukari might be a bit delusional about her real age."

Rin: (You think?)

Ran: "No matter the occasion, Lady Yukari keeps acting like some high school girl. It's fine when it's at home, but when we have meetings with important people and important things to discuss, well, that's another story. Do you think it's a psychological issue?"

Rin: "..."

...

Cirno: "The strongest is here to challenge you to a spell card duel!"

Rin: "This is your second time here! Go away!"

...

Rin: "Ugh, I'm exhausted."

Rin complained while getting ready to close the clinic for the day.

Rin: "I'm a nurse, for god's sake, not some counselor for your problems. sigh Hopefully tomorrow I'll have some actual patients. Uhh, that sounds like I want people to get hurt, but you get the point."

Before Rin could switch the sign on the front door to closed, someone barged into the clinic with panic in their voice.

Marisa: "This is bad, Rin! You have to help Reimu or else she'll... she'll... sobs"

Rin: "Marisa!? What happened to Reimu? Is she... alright?"

Marisa: "You have to come to the shrine as soon as possible, or else... SHE'LL DIE!"

Rin: "Wha-? Lead the way."

...

Rin: "Reimu!"

Rin shouted as she saw Reimu collapsed on the shrine's grounds with a pained expression on her face, holding onto her stomach with both hands.

Rin: "Reimu, tell me what happened."

Reimu: "I was... was... so... hungry..."

Rin: "Eh?"

Reimu: "I knew I... shouldn't eat that... rock. But... at that moment... it looked exactly... like a piece of mochi. Ah, mochi, I want some mochi, please doc."

Rin: "I'm out of here."

Marisa: "Eh? But Reimu will die if she's not treated. Please Rin, only you can save her, save Gensokyo!"

Rin: "By looking at her, it is clearly just natural selection at this point and she will probably do it again when she's hungry. Just find another shrine maiden. Bye bye."

Marisa: "Wait, Rin! Reimu, hang in there! Please!"

Reimu: "Ma-Marisa... I was the one... who told Alice about... the precious thing. dies"

Marisa: "REIMUUUUUUU!!!"

Rin: (Everyone is so obnoxious today.)

Chapter Text

Rin: "Ahh~ The clinic is doing well, the tea is delicious, and zero nuisances came to disturb my day. Ahh~ Nothing could possibly ruin it."

Said Rin, sitting at a table with a cup of green tea in her hand.

Rin: "Ahh~ Pure bliss-"

Marisa: "Rin, you there?"

Rin: "This is the worst day of my life, maybe I should just end it. ... End the day, I mean!!!"

Marisa: "Oh, here you are! Why didn't you answer when I called you just now? Green tea? Don't mind if I do..."

*smack*

Rin: "Get your hands off it. It's ten thousand yen per cup."

Marisa: "Tch~ So be it. Then I won't let you borrow my own things next time you ask for them."

Rin: "Nothing that you own is yours anyway. Why did you even come here for?"

Marisa: "About that... Can I ask a favor of you?"

Rin: "Sure, here's mine: turn around and leave."

Marisa: "Oh, you jokester~ Anyway, look at what I got here!"

Rin: "What the hell is that!? Is... Is that what I think it is?"

Marisa revealed her right arm that she was hiding behind her back since she came here.

Marisa: "Yes! My own nuclear rod. For the past few years, ever since me and Reimu visited the Underworld, I've been working tirelessly to achieve my own Nuclear Spark™! And just a few days ago I finally completed it."

Rin: "So the explosions coming from your house, which everyone for years thought were just from simple failed experiments, were actually nuclear!?"

Marisa: "Tee~ hee~"

Rin: "... Okay, I'm over the shock now. So what do you need me for? Oh, and you should probably consider doing a medical examination, you might have cancer from all that radiation exposure."

Marisa: "Cancer as in the one to do with Greek mythology? That sounds cool, but I'll pass for now. The reason I need you is simple. I want to test my Nuclear Spark™ and I kinda need a doctor on the sideline in case things go wrong."

Rin: "You want to actually test that thing? Ehh, but I don't think I can stop you anyway, can I?"

Marisa: "Nope, you can't."

Rin: "Figures. But if you need a doctor, why don't you ask Eirin for help? As much as it pains me to admit, she's a way better pick than me."

Marisa: "Yeah, I think so too. But she doesn't really have the time to humor me."

Rin: "And you think I do?"

Marisa: "Duh, you do, don't you? I don't see you being busy at the moment."

Rin: "Damn, I can't even catch a break. Whatever, I'll be the one to humor you, I guess. But only because I want to get this over with fast."

Marisa: "Awesome! Here I go! Nuclear Spar-"

Rin: "Not in my clinic!"

...

Aya: "Ayayayayayaya~ aya."

Rin: "Well, look who it is, the shameless Shameimaru Aya at the scene."

Aya: "That's 'the most trusted and honest reporter, Shameimaru Aya' for you."

Rin: "Yuck."

Aya: "Today is the day I finally make you accept to partake in my interview. You've been avoiding it skillfully for the past 100 years, but today's the day I get you to spill your secrets to me!"

Rin: "Marisa, I authorize the use of nuclear force to blast this bird away."

Aya: "Bird? I'll let you know that you're talking with a proud crow tengu- Wait, what?! Nuclear?"

Marisa: "I've been waiting for you to say that! Here I come! Be prepared to be blown away, NUCLEAR SPARK!!!"

After that, Gensokyo experienced its one of the first nuclear winters.

Chapter Text

Rin: "This can't be happening. Is... Is this truly the end?"

Today was a sad day for the people living in the Human Village. The latest long-running mystery novel 'Detective Connie' written by the famous author Agatha Chris Q has ended today.

Rin: "NOOOOOOOOO!"

And there sat a distressed Rin at her desk with the last volume in hand. But she was not the only one, as on that day, cries could be heard all around the village.

...

At the Hakurei Shrine.

Reimu: "Ugh, this can't be happening!"

Rin: "Right? Who could have ever predicted such a sudden turn of events?"

Reimu: "Exactly! The recent appearance of a new shrine on the Youkai Mountain could greatly affect the stability of the Hakurei Barrier in a negative way, putting all of Gensokyo in danger. As the one responsible for the barrier's safety, I have to do something about those troublemakers on that mountain."

Rin: "Yeah, cool. More importantly, have you heard? Detective Connie by Agatha Chris Q has ended after all these years!?"

Reimu: "'More importantly'? Did you even listen to a word of what I just said?"

Marisa: "Reimu! Rin!"

Shouted Marisa as she landed in front of them.

Rin: "Marisa? What are you doing here?"

Marisa: "Well, I couldn't help but come here once I heard the rumors. What are your guys' plans, Reimu, Rin?"

Reimu: "My plan? My plan is to go on that mountain and beat those guys up-"

Marisa: "About Detective Connie. Do you think Agatha Chris will ever write a sequel?"

Reimu: "Really, Marisa?"

Marisa: "Haha, just pulling your leg. You should turn your frown upside down, Reimu. You'll get wrinkles if you stay like that."

Rin: "As a specialized doctor, I can attest to that."

Reimu: "..."

Marisa: "Ok, sorry. I've heard that there's a new shrine in town, so I came here to ask if you wanna join me and see if they are friendly neighbors or nah."

Reimu: "Their shrine maiden came here and 'asked politely' to close down the Hakurei Shrine. What do you think?"

Marisa: "I guess a battle will take place then. Rin, wanna join the fun?"

Rin: "I'm not done mourning, so I'll pass. Have fun, you two."

...

Sanae: "So you and Reimu are friends, right?"

Rin: "I guess we've known each other for a while."

Sanae: "Awesome! Then I want your help with something regarding Reimu."

Rin: "So that's why you called me here? Sure, I guess, what is it?"

Sanae: "But before I tell you, what I'm about to say is a bit... embarrassing, so would you please promise to keep what I'm about to tell you a secret?"

Rin: "Uhh, alright."

Sanae: "I think... I... I might have fallen in love with Reimu!"

Rin: "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that."

Sanae: "This is very embarrassing, so please don't tell anyone about this!"

...

Rin: "And after calling me to her shrine, she told me about her feelings for you. Then she asked me to be her wingwoman and help her confess."

Reimu: "So you told me everything, just like that?"

Rin: "What are you going to do about it? Are you going to accept?"

Reimu: "Nah, I'm thinking of turning her down."

Rin: "But why!? I mean, look at you! You're lazy, your personality sucks, you have less money than that poverty god, and your intelligence makes Cirno look like a PhD graduate. You'll never ever get a chance like this! You'll be single forever!"

Reimu: "Huh~ Do you want to get exterminated, punk?!"

...

At Geidontei...

Rin: (This is Geidontei, a local owned bar from the Human Village, which is currently being run by the old man Tanabe. And when talking about Geidontei, you can't help but mention its poster girl, Miyoi Okunoda. Despite this place being a Youkai gathering spot, its relaxing atmosphere and food is enough for me to become one of their regulars.)

Rin looked restlessly around while being sited in her regular spot.

Rin: "Speaking of Miyoi, where is she? I've been waiting for 20 minutes."

Shion: "Sorry for the wait, may I take your order?"

Rin: "Eh!? What are YOU doing here, Shion? Wait, that uniform, please don't tell me that you work here."

Shion: "Oh Rin! Didn't know you were a regular."

Rin: "Well, this might not be the case anymore. Where is Miyoi?"

Shion: "From today I'll be the one responsible for the day shift, while Miyoi's will be at night."

Rin: "Great, then I'll come at night. See ya."

Shion: "Wait! Please don't leave! We haven't had any costumers today and I really need that pay check! I only had grass and leafs for the past 200 years. But today that would finally change! I'll finally be able to afford to eat grass with bread."

Rin: "What an upgrade, when are you treating me? sigh Fine, I guess I can stay."

Shion: "Yay! Thank you Rin, you're a lifesaver! Bread with grass, here I come!"

Chapter Text

Rin finds herself once again at one of her favorite places in the Human Village, Geidontei.

Shion: "Here is your order. Two plates full of karaage and a glass of milk."

Rin: "Thanks, Shion. I see that you haven't gotten yourself fired yet."

Shion: "Haha... Well, there were quite a few close calls. At first, I kept dropping our customers' orders on the floor and the owner made me apologize. But now I apologize to the customer before I drop their order!"

Rin: "Then I'll be glad that you didn't drop mine. ... Umm, say Shion, isn't this place a bit empty for this time of day? Last time I visited I also didn't see anyone. Is your misfortune starting to affect this establishment?"

Shion: "Oh, of course not. You see, a new bar just opened across from ours and all the customers are going to that place instead."

Rin: (I wouldn't write off your misfortune being the cause of it.) "How's the old man doing then? It must have been hard for him to lose so many customers at once."

Shion: "Oh, Mr. Tanabe? He's doing fine for the most part. Although, he sometimes starts to laugh hysterically when someone mentions the lack of customers to his face."

Rin: "I wouldn't call that 'doing fine' at all! Oh? Speaking of him, he's coming over here."

Tanabe: "Shion, are you done with the chit-chat? If so, quit stalling around and refill the other customers' glasses."

Shion: "Oh, Mr. Tanabe! Well, I would have done so if there were customers."

Tanabe: "Oh... Ha... Haha... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~"

Rin: "Woah!" (This guy has completely lost it. Well, whatever, I'll just finish my meal as quickly as possible and get the hell out of here.)

Tanabe: "You are going to abandon us just like how the others did, aren't you!?"

Rin: (Damn, this guy is a mess. I just want to have my meal in peace.)

Shion: "Oh, I know! Why don't we all think of a way to attract more customers? Yes, let's call a meeting, us three!"

Rin: ('Three'? The only people I see here are you and the owner. And I really hope you didn't count me in.)

Shion: "Do you have any ideas, Rin?"

Rin: (Rin? You mean 'Rin' as in Kaenbyou Rin, right? If you need her, go to the Underworld. ... Ahh, who am I kidding? Here goes my peaceful lunch, eh.)

...

Shion: "Hmm~ Let's see... Maybe we could try to raise the prices of our menu items?"

Tanabe: "We can't do that! I've kept the same prices for the last 30 years, and that's not going to change! Also, increasing them will just make us lose more customers than we already have."

Shion: "But we don't have customers."

Tanabe: "..." life vanishes from his eyes

Rin: (Shion, Are you doing this on purpose?)

Tanabe: "Oh, I got it! Maybe we could get Shion to wear a maid uniforms, just like those cafés from the outside world!"

Shion: "No no no, no! There's absolutely no way I could wear something so embarrassing!"

Tanabe: "I will increase your salary by 30 yen!"

Shion: "Make it 50!"

Tanabe: "Deal! Now let's see..."

Rin: (Are we done yet? I want to go home already. ... If you asked me what I think, then I'll say there is nothing to be worried about, after all...)

Tanabe: "You know what, let's not do that. We may now have fewer customers, but they still come. And for their sakes, I don't want to change anything. Let's just keep everything as it is."

Shion: "Sure, it's your call, boss! Umm, but what about my 50 yen increase in salary? Is that offer still on the table?"

Rin: "I see that you finally arrived at a conclusion. Is it safe for me to assume that I'm free to go now?"

Tanabe: "Oh, hahaha! I'm sorry to keep you Rin, I'm sure you're already busy as it is. Please come again."

Said the owner while politely bowing to Rin.

Rin: "It's fine, I'm glad this is finally settled. I'll be on my way then."

Said Rin nonchalantly as she left the establishment.

Shion: "So, boss, about my salary increase?"

Chapter Text

Another day peacefully passed in Gensokyo without any incidents. The village streets were full of people returning from their day's work. Alongside them was Rin, who just finished three plates of karaage at Geidontei and was now on her way towards the clinic.

But what was waiting for her there was something even worse than death.

Aya: "Ayayaya~ What should I do, I wonder?"

Rin: "Geh!"

Rin quickly hid behind a building neighboring the clinic before Aya could spot her. Then she quietly took a peek and saw Aya standing in front of her door, blocking the way inside.

Rin: (Is she here trying to get an interview again? Was that nuclear blast to her face not enough of a lesson?)

Aya: "Nobody home, eh? Or maybe pretending, are we? I'm afraid you underestimate me, my dear Rin-chan. I have other ways to collect info on you without interviewing you directly."

Rin: (What now? I was planning to get inside once she left, but now I have no choice. I have to follow her and make sure she won't try to tarnish my reputation with whatever her plan is.)

...

Back at Geidontei once again.

Outside the establishment was Shion, who just presumably finished her shift.

Aya: "Hey Shion! Can I borrow a bit of your time? I have some questions that need answering."

Shion: "Eh! Aya? I haven't done anything, I promise!"

Aya: "Calm down. I'm here to ask questions regarding Rin. She often comes to eat here, right? So you must know something!"

Rin: (Ah, I see what her plan is. Instead of getting her answers through me, she's going to ask the people close to me. That's a solid plan, but I don't have anything that I'm particularly trying to hide, so there shouldn't be any dirt on me.)

Shion: "Rin? I don't really talk to her besides when she's here ordering karaage."

Aya: "I see, so her favorite food is karaage. scribble scribble Any other things worth mentioning? Maybe some slips of the tongue on her part? Or maybe... Is she being a difficult customer? You know, the kind that calls the manager for every little inconvenience? Something? Anything related to her, no matter how insignificant, would do."

Shion: "Ehh, I don't really know. Umm... Oh! There is something!"

Rin: (There is?)

Aya: "There is? Tell me!"

Shion: "Yeah, now that you mention it, no matter how much I work or eat, I'm always poor and hungry. Could this be...?"

Rin: (Don't blame that on me! You're a poverty goddess, that comes with the territory.)

Aya: "Thank you for your help."

Aya quickly interrupted, seeing no point in interviewing Shion anymore.

...

Aya was strolling the streets in search of any acquaintances of Rin, still unaware of the fact that she was being followed by her.

Aya: "That was a bust. sigh You might have bested me Rin, but I'm not giving up just yet!"

Rin: (But I haven't done anything.)

Aya: "Hmm, let's see. Anyone I can...? Oh! Hey Reimu~!"

Reimu: "Hm?"

Aya ran towards Reimu, who was holding a small donation box in hand.

Aya: "Hey Reimu. Hard at work I see. Say, what about answering some questions of mine-"

Reimu: "I'll have to stop you right there. If you want answers, then you better cough up some money. Depending on the amount, I'll even consider answering."

Aya: "So there is a chance that you won't answer even after I pay? Your greed knows no bounds. You're lucky that I'm in need of some juicy info. Here..."

Aya throws a coin into the donation box carried by Reimu.

Reimu: "Tch, is that all? No wonder everyone uses your newspaper as toilet paper instead. Whatever, you got one question."

Aya: "I'll ignore that remark because I know it's not true. Back to the topic. Do you happen to have any information related to Rin? Something newsworthy? Anything?"

Reimu: "About Rin? Let me think. Hmm... Oh! There is something!"

Aya: "Oh? Do tell!"

Reimu: "No matter how much I play a key role in solving incidents and ensuring the safety of Gensokyo, my shrine doesn't get any donations. Could this be...?"

Rin: (Again? Why's everyone blaming their financial situation on me?)

Aya: "Ok, thank you for the cooperation."

Reimu: "Is that all? You know, if you donate more-"

Aya: "Nope, that would be all."

Interrupted Aya.  After that, she took to the sky towards the Youkai Mountain.

Aya: (You may think you won today, Rin. But I don't back down from a challenge! Just you wait! I'll write that article about you no matter what.)

...

Rin: "Finally, that's over with. Hope there won't be any more surprises waiting for me at my front door this time."

Kogasa: "BOO!!!"

Chapter Text

On the night of the Christmas Eve, Rin was closing down her clinic earlier than usual. She made plans to celebrate Christmas at the Hakurei Shrine with Reimu and Marisa.

Rin: The snowstorm has picked up quite a bit. Will I even make it?

Remarked Rin as she looked out the window. But that wasn't the only thing that Rin has noticed.

In the distance she could hardly make out a silhouette of a person carrying something heavy on their back. They were also struggling to do so.

Rin: "Does that person have a death wish? Going out in this snowstorm is practically asking for-"

And the person fainted.

Rin: "God dammit."

...

Rin: "Hey! Are you alright? What am I even asking, of course you're not. Hang in there, I'll bring you to my clinic!"

Said Rin while approaching the person who just fainted.

But as she approached more and more, she could see that the person was wearing a Santa outfit.

And to add more to the confusion she also recognized the person as...

Rin: "Keine!?"

...

In Rin's office.

Rin: "Are you feeling better?"

Keine: "Much better. Thank you, Rin."

Rin: "So? What's up with the outfit? Do you plan to deliver presents to children while pretending to be Santa or something?"

Keine: "Well, that was the plan. But the exhaustion from not sleeping for the past few days, grading test papers, and preparing for this 'present delivering' has caught up with me."

Rin: "Eh? Are you serious?"

Keine: "Rin, I have a selfish request for you. Would you please listen to it?"

Rin: "I have a guess what you'll ask. And don't worry, it's thanks to you that I'm running this clinic and all. I'm indebted to you so I'll do my best with your request!"

Keine: "You're not indebted to me. You've done a lot for the people of this village, and I'm grateful for that. But let's go back to the topic, I'm afraid we don't have much time."

Rin: "I'm listening..."

Keine: "Every Christmas, I've been delivering presents to the children of the village, disguised as Santa. But I don't think I'll be able to do it this year since I'm not feeling well. So, here's my request, please take this Santa outfit and deliver these presents to the children in my stead!"

Pointed Keine at the bag she was carrying. Presumably with the presents.

Rin: "Uhh, I'll try my best, but how exactly do I do this Santa roleplay?"

Keine: "Here. This is the list of the houses I'm delivering to. And their parents know that I'm coming, so you won't have to explain yourself."

Rin: "Alright then. Also, will it be fine if I ask for help in delivering these presents?"

Keine: "Of course."

...

Reimu: "So that's why you're wearing that stupid outfit?"

Rin quickly explained the situation to Reimu and Marisa when they asked why she was wearing the Santa outfit.

Marisa: "So you want our help in delivering the presents to the children?"

Reimu: "What do we get in exchange for helping out?"

Rin: "What? I have stooped so low to ask you two for help and you're expecting something in return?"

Marisa: "That's not how you ask for a favor. But we'll help! We don't want to let down the children after all."

Reimu: "I haven't agreed."

Rin: "I'll donate 1000 yen if you help us."

Reimu: "What are you girls waiting for? Let's save Christmas together!"

Rin: "Great! Here's the copy of the list I made for the houses you'll deliver the presents to. I'll take the north side of the village. Reimu will take the west side and Marisa the east side. Then we will regroup in the south and there we'll work together. Understood?"

Reimu & Marisa: "Donate before we go. / Let's do this!"

...

Rin knocks on the door at her first house.

Some voices could be heard inside.

Mom: "Oh? Who could this be~? Dear, could you open the door. Maybe is Santa?"

Child: "Yeah, I'm sure it is."

The door opens.

Child: "Holy shit! It's Santa!"

Mom: "Don't swear in front of Santa!"

...

Rin knocks on the door to the second house.

The door is opened by a hesitant child.

Child: "If you're here to sell lucky charms at a ridiculous price, go away! We're not buying it!"

Rin: "What? I'm not here for that. Look, it's me, Santa. Don't you recognize this costume?"

Child: "Who? Umm, please go away. My mom says to not talk to strangers."

Rin: (Parents, please teach your kids about Santa.) "Whatever, here's your present, kid. Take good care of-"

Child: "AHH! MOM, MOM, HELP!!!"

...

Rin: "So this is the last house. *Sigh* I'm tired. Let's get this over with and regroup with Reimu and Marisa."

Said Rin in an exhausted voice as she knocks on the door of the last house.

Then a child opens the door.

Rin: "Hey kid, it's me, Sa-"

Child: "The hell is with that costume? Are you trying to be Santa or something? You look ridiculous. And last time I checked, I don't remember Santa being a woman. You might have deceived other children, but I won't buy into it. Though since you put so much effort into this, I'll take the present, bye."

After taking the present from Rin's hand, the kid brings his tongue out and closes the door in her face.

Rin: "To all gods of Gensokyo, give me strength."

Chapter Text

The generous Remilia Scarlet of the Scarlet Devil Mansion has invited Reimu, Marisa, Rin and other prominent residents of Gensokyo to their esteemed abode in order to celebrate the new year.

Reimu came here for the free food, since the poor thing hasn't eaten a proper meal in ages.

Marisa came for a better chance to sneak into the mansion's grand library and borrow some books from their never-ending collection.

And as for Rin...

Rin: "I wanna go home."

...

Remilia: "Greetings, esteemed and not so esteemed guests to our new year's party organized by yours truly. Firstly, I would like to begin by ... ... ..."

Remilia started her usual grandiose speech, which Rin quickly stopped paying attention to, as the plate of cheesecake in front of her was much more intriguing.

Shion: "Would you like a drink with that?"

Rin: "Yes, thanks, Saku- SHION!? What are you do- Why are you wearing a maid uniform!?"

Rin exclaimed in surprise as Shion approached her, holding a tray with three glasses of wine.

But what was more shocking was the fact that she was wearing a maid uniform similar to Sakuya's, though it didn't look as elegant.

Shion: "Oh this? That's because I'm working part-time here as a maid, obviously."

Rin: "What do you mean 'obviously'? What about Geidontei? Did they finally realize how much of a liability you are and fired you?"

Shion: "To let you know, I'm still working there. Besides Geidontei, I have 10 more part-time jobs, and working as a maid at the SDM is one of those jobs."

Rin: "Damn, 10!? Is it worth it? All the work, I mean."

Shion: "Just yesterday I could finally afford a bigger cardboard box to sleep in, so I guess you could say my work has been finally paying off."

Rin: "With how many vacant rooms this huge mansion has, I'm surprised they didn't offer you to stay in any of them. Especially since you work here."

Shion: "They did, but I refused. I just can't sleep unless I'm laying in a cardboard box, tucked away in some dirty back alley, while also being embraced by the freezing temperatures and rain hitting my skin, you know?"

Rin: "Yeah, relatable."

Joon: "Oooohohoho~ If it isn't my dear pleb of a little sister and the Low-Income Nurse."

Shion: "Joon!? You were at the party? Here, have a glass!"

Said Shion while holding the tray of wine in front of Joon.

Joon: "Oh, why thank you, my impoverished little sister. But instead of me being the only one savoring it..."

Joon took the glass of wine and poured it down on Shion's head, staining her blue hair and the maid uniform with the red liquid.

Rin: "Hey! What do you think you're doing?"

Shion: "Ahh~ Joon, you're so generous! You thought about your misfortuned little sister and shared it with her. Ahh~ I'm so lucky to have you as my big sister. I won't let any drop go to waste!"

Joon: "That goes without saying, ooohohoho~"

Rin: "What the..."

Joon: "I'll be taking my leave, then. It's time for me to profit from the miserable ones once again."

...

As Rin was trying to leave the obnoxious party, she got lost while trying to find the exit in this huge mansion.

10 minutes... 20 minutes... 30 minutes have passed.

Rin: "Oh, come on! Where's that god-damn exit!? And also, why are all the windows locked? I'll just break one of them to create a makeshift exit and apologize to Sakuya later."

But before she could proceed with her plans, she heard the sound of something being rummaged from a nearby room.

To a closer inspection, the room that the sound was coming from had one of its doors slightly opened.

As Rin decided to satisfy her curiosity, she took a peek inside.

Rin: "Marisa! And the hell are you doing?"

Marisa: "AHH! S-Sakuya! I was just-! Oh, it's just you, Rin. Don't scare me like that."

Rin: "Isn't this Sakuya's room? What are you planning to 'borrow' this time, don't you have enough? I think you should just stick with the library instead."

Marisa: "It's not often that I have the chance to sneak in other places besides the library. Sakuya is now busy in main hall with the party and stuff, so now is our perfect chances to strike!"

Rin: "I'd rather not. I was already planning to break one of their windows so I can get out. I don't need any more reason to get on Sakuya's bad side."

Marisa: "I'll bring you to the exit. Just wait a moment until I finish scouting this room."

Without waiting for Rin's reply, Marisa approached a drawer and open the top compartment.

In there was what you would expect from Sakuya, a bunch of neatly arranged silver knifes.

Marisa: "Meh. I borrowed enough of those already."

Not satisfied, Marisa opened the lower compartment of the drawer.

The lower part contained things such as wooden stakes, silver, crucifixes, garlic and a bottle with holy water.

Marisa: "Nothing to see here either."

Rin: (I think there was much to see there.)

Marisa closed the drawer and moved to the shelf next to it.

Sakuya: "You wouldn't happen to be lost, dear guests?"

Rin & Marisa: "GYAAAAHHH!!"

...

Marisa: "Ouch, that knife hurts, you know."

Sakuya: "That was precisely the point."

Rin: "But why me too? I tried to stop her, but she didn't listen."

Sakuya: *sigh* "Unfortunately and fortunately for you, I have other duties to attend, so I'll let you off the hook this time."

Marisa: "Really? Thanks Sa-"

Sakuya: "BUT! I hope you didn't rummage through my stuff. ESPECIALLY the lower compartment of my drawer."

Rin: "O-Of course n-not! We didn't even know you had a drawer!"

Sakuya: "Good to hear. Now it's time for you to take your leave. I'll escort both of you to the exit."

The moment Rin and Marisa blinked, they found themselves outside the mansion.

Chapter Text

Reimu: "Let the Egg Hunt begin!"

Shouted Reimu, commencing the event to start as visitors quickly began to spread out across the Hakurei Shrine's grounds, where this Egg Hunt was taking place.

Rin: (I think this is the first time I saw this many people at the shrine. Although everyone is avoiding the donation box like the plague.)

Remilia: "If you keep just standing there dumbfounded, I'll be the one to take the lead. But still, even if you gave your all, victory was always in my hands."

Rin: (She's enjoying this more than the kids.) "Do you have some sort of strategy to back up those claims of yours? You have fierce competition this year."

Remilia: "But of course, just watch how Remilia Scarlet will wipe the floor with the 'competition'. Sakuya!"

Sakuya: "Yes, my lady!"

Remilia: "Bring me victory, no matter what!"

Rin: (So you're not going to do it yourself.)

Sakuya: "It shall be done, my lady."

Said Sakuya as in the next moment she disappears from thin air.

Remilia: "Impressive, right?"

Rin: "Yeah, as expected from the Remilia Scarlet. I'll be on my way."

...

Joon: "Shion, cover all the shrine grounds. Be sure to spread as much misfortune as possible to the others, and leave the rest to me."

Shion: "It shall be done, Lady Joon!"

...

Rin: "Any eggs around? Maybe... HERE! Nope. Maybe around... HERE! Nope again. The third time is the charm. ... HERE! Oh? What the heck is this?"

What Rin found was an egg alright. But it wasn't your usual egg used for egg hunts. This one was as big as a fairy and also had an unusual texture to its surface.

Cirno: "Put your hands in the air! And don't you move!"

Shouted Cirno behind Rin, startling her.

Rin: "Cirno!? The hell is your problem?"

Cirno: "That egg belongs to Team9! We were the first to lay our sights on it!"

Daiyousei: "Umm, C-Cirno, this is not entirely true. We just followed Rin around until she found the egg herself-"

Cirno: "Don't listen to Dai! She's speaking nonsense. And you! Back away from OUR egg! Or taste the humiliation of being defeated by yours truly!"

Sunny: "Not so fast, Team9!"

Sunny Milk, Luna Child and Star Sapphire jumped from the nearby bushes, surprising all three present.

Luna: "That egg belongs to The Three Fairies of Light! We had our sight on it long before any of you arrived!"

Star: "What she said."

Cirno: "Hey Dai, who are those guys?"

Cirno whispered quietly the question into Daiyousei's ear.

Daiyousei: "Those are the fairies who destroyed your home that one time, remember?"

Cirno: "???"

Daiyousei: "The 'Fairy Wars'?"

Daiyousei replied, but Cirno looked even more confused than before.

Sunny: "I heard that! How dare you forget us like that!? But that won't be for much longer. Once we beat you and claim that egg that is rightfully ours, you'll have no choice but to remember The Three Fairies of Light till the day you die."

Sakuya: "That won't be happening. As per my lady's instructions to bring her victory, that egg shall be in Scarlet Police's possession."

Sanae: "No so fast, Scarlet Police! I shall be the one to bring victory along with the egg to Lady Kanako. Just imagine the reaction on Reimu's face when someone from a rival shrine wins the competition organized by her!"

Youmu: "Unfortunately for you, that won't be happening. That egg will be on Lady Yuyuko's dinner menu tonight!"

Marisa: "I don't really care about winning this egg hunt or whatever. But there's no way I'm letting this new discovery be taken away from me just to become someone else's dinner!"

Aya: "Ayayaya~ What a scoop! Don't mind me, I'm just here for writing material." *flash* *flash*

Nazrin: "I'm getting a treasure reading nearby. Is it coming from this egg?"

Koishi: "I wonder if big sis will be happy if I bring this back home. Maybe she will even let me keep whatever is inside as a pet!"

Kasen: "What is all this commotion about? I could hear you all from my senkai up in the mountains."

Rin: "THAT'S ENOUGH! There are too many characters appearing all at once."

...

But no one listed to Rin's cries as more and more people continued to arrive.

And eventually that escalated to an all out spell card duel between everyone present, making the sky almost impossible to look at from the sheer amount of danmaku brightening it.

Reimu: "How the hell did things come to this!? It started as a simple event that was supposed to bring me donations, but now this fighting is making everyone leave instead! I'm not beating the allegations about my Hakurei Shrine being a youkai infested shrine any time soon."

Rin: "..."

Rin couldn't say anything to comfort the shrine maiden.

Yukari: "My~ Things really did go out of control, and just from a simple egg."

Rin: "You were observing this whole thing while unfolding, weren't you? And I bet you enjoyed every moment of it."

Yukari: "You got me all figured it out, my dear Rin-rin~"

Rin: "So? What's up with this egg that everyone is fighting over?"

Yukari: "This egg originates from the outside world. It belongs to a species that went extinct long ago."

Rin: "Which species?"

Yukari: "Dinosaurs."

...

The Egg Hunt ended with Joon being the winner after bribing Reimu with some money.

Rin: "Wait! What was even the price for winning this competition? What was all that fighting for?"

We'll never know.

Chapter Text

Lily: "IT'S SPRIIIIIIIIIIING~!"

...

Now that Lily White's cameo is over and done with, let's return to our protagonists.

As you may have heard, it's spring. Which means that the flower viewing party held at the Hakurei Shrine every year will begin soon.

Marisa: "Reimu!? Hey! Reimu! ... Where the is she? The party will start in six hours."

Marisa searched for Reimu all over the shrine grounds but no avail.

Marisa: "Guess I'll just invite myself in. Excuse me-NOT!"

Marisa slammed the sliding doors of the shrine and barged in.

There in the living room, she saw Reimu sleeping on the tatami floor while holding an empty bottle of sake in hand.

Marisa: "Uhh, what? Did I miss the party already? That can't be. Hey Reimu, wake up!"

No response.

Marisa: "Then you leave me with no choice. Maybe a kiss will wake The Sleeping Beauty up."

Then at that moment, the bottle of sake from Reimu's hand was flying towards the magician's face.

Marisa: "OUCH!"

Reimu: "Please don't make me vomit even more than I already did. Ugh, my head. Maybe I shouldn't have drank so much last night. Meh, I regret nothing."

Marisa: "Ow~ That hurts! I was just joking. You reek of alcohol anyway."

Reimu: "Why did you even come here for? You said next time I'll see you will be at the flower viewing party."

Marisa: "Exactly, the flower viewing party which is today."

Reimu: "Uhh, are you drunk? That's next week."

Marisa: "I'm pretty sure you're the drunken one here. And you're wrong. Look at the calendar."

Pointed Marisa to the calendar attached to the wall, which had the today's date marked as the 'flower viewing day'.

Marisa: "See?"

Reimu: "Oh... no."

Marisa: "Oh... yes. So, how are the preparations going? Just pulling your leg, you clearly haven't made any progress. The party is in six hours, do you think you can arrange the food for all the guests in this short amount of time?"

Reimu: "Ha... Haha... Hahahahaha~!"

Marisa: "Oh boy, she's broken."

...

Rin: "WHAT!? YOU HAVEN'T DONE THE PREPARATIONS FOR THE PARTY YET? But that's like... in six, no five hours!"

Exclaimed Rin is disbelief as she also arrived at the shrine not long after Marisa did.

Reimu: "..."

And Reimu stood in the corner of the room, with the light gone from her eyes. She's not dead.

Marisa: "And this one is of no help. She's been like this for over half an hour and I couldn't do anything. So I'll need your help to prepare something quick."

Rin: "Me? But I can't cook. I always eat at Geidontei instead of making the food myself."

Marisa: "Ahh~ really? That's no good. But there's nothing we can do. We'll have to try and come up with something. Thankfully, Reimu's kitchen is equipped with appliances similar to the ones from the outside world, made by the kappas of course. Maybe those things will help speed up the process of making the food."

Rin: "I guess we can give it a try. Things are already bad, so surely it can't get any worse."

...

In Reimu's kitchen, Marisa and Rin are preparing the ingredients by searching for anything edible, while Reimu is still sulking in a corner.

Rin: "Okay, these are all the ingredients I could find around here."

Marisa: "Good job! I found this recipe book. I might borrow it later once we finish our current objective. Okay, let's see what's in here."

Rin: "Let's try doing something sweet. Usually, sweets are a hit with the guests. Umm, oh! Look, let's do some crêpes."

Marisa: "This looks easy enough. Okay, let's do it!"

Rin: "Yay!"

...

Rin: "Hmm~ It says here to begin by pouring a cup of flour, but doesn't this cup seem a bit small?"

Marisa: "I agree. Let's do two cups instead."

Marisa poured the flour from the cup into the metal bowl two times.

Marisa: "Still doesn't look much. Let's do it ten times!"

Rin: "Good call. While you do that, I'll check the next step. Let's see... eggs."

After Marisa was done pouring the flour into the bowl, now was Rin's turn to crack the eggs.

Rin: "Damn, this is hard. Ahh! I dropped the shells in. Eh, it should be fine, it will give a crunchy texture at least."

And after Marisa poured the milk and water in the bowl, she started to mix everything inside.

Rin: "Wait! We forgot the salt. It says here to put a pinch of salt. How much is a 'pinch' exactly?"

Marisa: "Dunno. I'll put the entire bag in, just to be safe."

...

Rin: "What is this thing?"

Marisa: "It's called a microwave, I think. It is used to heat up things. At least that's what I think it does."

Rin: "So all it remains for us to do is to put the bowl into it and heat it?"

Marisa: "Yup. Let me handle this. I saw Reimu use it once, so I got this."

Marisa put the metal bowl into the microwave and pressed some buttons. Then the microwave started to glow.

Rin: "Is it supposed to spark like that?"

Marisa: "Uhh, I think? It seems to be heating so I guess there are no problems."

Reimu: "What the hell are you girls doing in my kitc-"

*BOOM*

...

Reimu: "What the hell is wrong with you!? What were you thinking putting a metal bowl into it? Are you guys idiots!? Look at the mess you did! And now I can't use the microwave anymore! How will you make it up to me!? Huuuh~?"

Rin & Marisa: "WE'RE SORRY!"

Apologized Rin and Marisa while bowing in front of Reimu.

Reimu: "I asked how will you make it up to me! I don't need your sorry. Ahh! There are only four hours until the flower viewing, what will I do?"

Cirno: "Bahahahahahaha~! That's hilarious! You guys are idiots!"

Rin: "I don't want to hear that from you!"

Marisa: "What do you want, Cirno? We don't have time to play with you. We're busy making crêpes, so shoo~ shoo~"

Cirno: "Fine, it can't be helped. I'll show you how to make crêpes!"

Marisa: "Haaa~!? What do YOU know about making crêpes?"

...

Cirno: "To make crêpes, whisk together flour, eggs, milk, and a pinch of salt until smooth."

Rin & Reimu & Marisa: "..."

Cirno: "Heat a lightly buttered pan over medium heat and pour in a thin layer of batter, swirling to coat the surface evenly."

Rin & Reimu & Marisa: "..."

Cirno: "Cook until the edges are golden, flip, and cook the other side briefly before adding the fillings in."

Rin & Reimu & Marisa: "..."

Cirno: "And voilà! A crêpe cooked by yours truly! Haha! What do you think? Did someone get your tongue?"

Marisa: "Cirno, are you perhaps... a genius?"

Cirno: "I see that you finally opened your eyes and have recognized my awesomeness."

Rin & Reimu & Marisa: "YOU'RE THE BEST, CIRNO!"

...

And that's how the flower viewing party was saved, thanks to Cirno.

Chapter Text

Reimu: "Not only you two destroyed my ultra expensive microwave, you also wasted all of my ingredients trying to make that crêpes for yours."

Rin: "Listen Re-"

Reimu: "I don't want to hear it! You're going to pay me back in someway or another using any means necessary by tomorrow evening. If not, consider your asses Fantasy Sealed."

Marisa: "T-Tomorrow!? Doesn't that time limit sound a bit unfair? Listen, we'll pay you back, but would you please consider-"

Reimu: "Nope! Off you go, both of you."

...

Rin: "Agh~ how are we supposed to pay her back by tomorrow!? No way I'm paying from my own pocket."

Marisa: "How about going trick or treating in the Human Village?"

Rin: "I mean, your outfit does look like a Halloween costume, but we're five months too early for that. Let's go in the village and check the bulletin board for any potential job listings with big rewards."

Kogasa: "BOO!"

Marisa: "I guess for some, every day is Halloween."

...

Rin: "Let's see~ The SDM is hiring maids to help with some preparations for an upcoming party."

Marisa: "WHAT!? And we haven't been invited? What the hell, Remi?"

Rin: "I am disappointed as you are, but let's try our luck with this job. They're rich, so the pay must be good."

Marisa: "Screw that! No way I'm working for that bratty vampire."

Rin: "Then the other option is selling some of our own possessions. You have a lot of stuff in that house of yours, don't you? Especially books and such. On the other hand, I don't really have much, but maybe I can find something valuable enough to sell."

Marisa: "On second thought, let's try our luck with this maid gig."

...

Sakuya: "You're fired."

Marisa: "What!? Is that because we were just too good? You felt threatened about your position as the chief maid, didn't you!?"

Sakuya: "What are you talking about? 56 broken windows, 3 instances of starting a fire, 100,000 yen worth of ingredients gone down the drain, 154 instances of insulting Lady Remilia, undoing the seal to the basement, causing a flood in the said basement, attempting to steal 84 books from the library, collapsing the clock tower, not doing what you were told to do and more. I can still continue if you so wish to."

Rin: "But all of those are Marisa's doings! Why am I also getting laid off?"

Sakuya: "You both came as a package as far as I'm concerned. Please don't come here ever again."

...

Rin: "Now what? Any ideas for some quick money, Marisa?"

Marisa: "Quick money, you say. Let me think... Oh! Gambling! There is a gambling den on Youkai Mountain. Maybe we can try our luck there."

Rin: "We're trying to earn money here, not lose them."

Marisa: "I also get a free credit if I bring someone with me. Come on, it's already past nine, no one is open at this time to hire us."

Rin: "Fine, but you should set a hard limit. We don't want you getting carried away."

Marisa: "Limits are for quitters. They stop you right before hitting it big. Are you a quitter, Rin?"

Rin: "I don't think so."

Marisa: "To the casino we gooooo~!"

...

Marisa: "This is the Komakusa Gambling Den! *sniff* Ahh~ Do you smell that?"

Rin: "Yeah, the smell of tobacco and musky playing cards is pretty strong in here."

Marisa: "The smell of opportunities and victories. This is where the poor become the rich."

Rin: "Oh, that kind of smell."

Marisa: "Hey there! How are ya doing, Sony?"

Sannyo: "It's Sannyo. And I'm doing well. I see you brought a friend with you."

Marisa: "Yup, I needed that free credit and all. Bring us to a table."

...

Sannyo brought Rin and Marisa to a table which has a roulette wheel.

Marisa: "Rin, I'll leave this one to you."

Rin: "Eh? I'm not sure about this. What if we lose because of me?"

Marisa: "Nonsense! Everything here is up to chance. Be brave and trust your intuition."

Rin: "Ugh, fine. Uhh... I choose red! Uh, no! Black! Ah, no, red again."

Marisa: "Putting all on red, eh? Isn't this fun? The excitement! Feel how lady luck is dancing in your palms-"

Sannyo: "Black 24."

Marisa: "Agh! Some lucky charm you are! I hate gambling! Screw this!"

Marisa stormed out of the casino angrily.

Rin: "Thanks. Now she will be like this for a while."

Sannyo: "I'm just doing my job."

...

The next day at Marisa's home.

Rin: "Take a better look! Your place is a complete mess. I'm sure you can find something worth selling."

Marisa: "No, no, no! If there is something worth selling, then that's even more of a reason not to sell it."

Rin: "You're being unreasonable. Look here! 'Magic for dummies'? Why do even need this book? You're not a beginner anymore. I'm sure there's someone out there who needs it more than you."

Marisa: "How dare you!? This is more than just a book to me. It's a precious memory from my teacher."

Rin: "Did your teacher wrote this?"

Marisa: "Uh, no. She said I was just too dumb to understand her teachings, so instead she bought this book for me. Then she told me she'll only teach me under the condition I grasp the basics from it. Doesn't this show how great she was?"

Rin: "Are you saying that ironically or...? Never mind that. Then how about this stick or whatever it is?"

Marisa: "That's my teacher's magic staff."

Rin: "Oh dear, this is going nowhere. If you're not going to sell anything, then why the hell are you calling this a magic shop?"

Marisa: "Oh yeah, I completely forgot about that part. I guess we're closed from today."

Rin: "I'm sure many would miss it."

...

In the end, Rin decided to pay Reimu from her own pocket.

Marisa said she'll return the favor someday, but she knows that just like those borrowed books, it will never happen.

Chapter Text

Rin: "Good evening, Kosuzu. I'm here to return and rent more books."

Kosuzu: "Rin, it was about time you showed up! If you were to arrive a day later, I would have charged you extra."

Rin: "Sorry, sorry. I simply like to do things just moments before it's too late, it gives me motivation. Here."

Rin placed the books on the counter where Kosuzu began checking them.

Rin: "I'll go and browse for a bit."

Kosuzu: "Sure. If you need help, don't hesitate to call for me."

...

After fifteen minutes of searching for any interesting books to rent, Rin returned to the counter with three of them in hand.

Kosuzu: "Last month it was only romance novels. This month it's all mystery."

Rin: "I like to switch up things every once in a while."

Kosuzu: "Oh, I like this one! The protagonist's mother being the serial killer completely caught me by surprise. I'm sure it will be a surprise for you too!"

Rin: "Uhh-"

Kosuzu: "Oh, and this one! This one starts with our unassuming protagonist being thrown into this crazy death game-"

Rin: "L-listen Kosuzu, I'll just read it myself and-"

Kosuzu: "-but only to find out that we were following the mastermind behind the death game this whole time! And then in the middle of the story, the writer completely changes the point of view to another protagonist that brings down the said mastermind!"

Rin: "..."

Kosuzu: "Oh my!? And this one! This one is about aliens from outer space who have integrated among us in order to harvest human brain-"

...

Rin: *sighhhhhh~*

Rin was on her way back to the clinic, with the purchased books in a bag. The same books which had their plot spoiled by Kosuzu.

Under normal circumstances she would have bought other books which didn't have their plot spoiled, but Kosuzu's eagerness to read those specifically was too overbearing.

Rin: "Maybe I could make a medicine that will make me forget today's events. Then I could probably enjoy those books as intended."

While Rin was planning on making a pill that gives her amnesia, the sky darkened and drops of rain started hitting the ground.

Rin: "I need to hurry! If the books get slightly damaged, Kosuzu will be the reason for my early visit to the Sanzu River- Oh?"

Rin stopped in her tracks as she saw in one of the alleys a box, which had an abandoned little puppy in it.

...

At Rin's clinic.

Rin: "Stay put while I go and fetch you water and something to eat. Do you understand?"

Puppy: *bark*

Rin: "Good boy~ Uwaaa~ You're so cute! How could someone be so cruel as to leave you in the rain like this? Isn't that right, buddy?"

Puppy: *bark* "Hello user. I am a mechanical-engineered robot made to resemble a dog. I am built with an AI model capable of learning and replicating a dog's actions and behaviors. You can call me Barky 3.0."

Rin: "I.. It... It... IT TAAAALKS!?"

...

Rin: "Sit."

Barky sits.

Rin: "Paw."

Barky lifted its paw to Rin.

Rin: "Do a Barrel Roll."

Barky does a barrel roll.

Rin: *clap**clap**clap* "You're amazing Barky! You're just like a dog. What other tricks can you do?"

Barky: "I can predict the weather for the upcoming weeks. For today's forecast, it will be raining all day, with temperatures reaching up to 19°C. While during the night the temperatures are expected to drop around 8°C with the rain not subsiding."

Rin: "The Dragon God's Statue can also do that. But your predictions are way more impressive! I need to show you to others as well."

...

At Hakurei Shrine.

Marisa: "What the hell!? That's like, so cool!"

Rin: "Right!? Hey Barky, show them the thing."

Barky does a barrel roll.

Marisa: *clap* *clap* "Wooooooo~!"

Reimu: "Be quiet, Marisa! And you, Rin, the shrine is not a place for you to bring your pets in. We already have a komainu or two."

Rin: "Oh Reimu, turn that frown upside down, will you. Just take a look at this cuteness overload."

Rin picked Barky up in her arms and presented it to Reimu.

Barky: *bark*

Reimu: "F... fine, ... I'll admit. It's kinda... cute... I guess."

Rin: "Come on, introduce yourselves to this cutie patootie."

Marisa: "Hey there, Barky! The name is Marisa Kirisame, I'm your ordinary neighborhood magician."

Barky: Nice to meet you, Marisa Kirisame.

Reimu: "... Reimu Hakurei."

Barky: "Sorry, I don't understand. Would you like for me to search 'Reimu Hakurei' on the web for any relevant information?"

Reimu: "Bullshit! You clearly understood what I meant! You're doing this on purpose, aren't you!?"

Marisa: "Calm down, I'm sure he was just joking. Barky, this grumpy person is Reimu Hakurei, our local shrine maiden. As you can see, she's very eager to make your acquaintance."

Barky: "Nice to meet you, the grumpy shrine maiden of Hakurei Shrine."

Marisa: "Reimu! Put that gohei down! He's not even a youkai!"

...

Reimu: "You're lucky Marisa stopped me from pulverizing your ass. Be grateful that you'll see another day, Barky."

Barky: "Sorry, I don't under-"

*crash*

Nitori: "HEY! What do you think you're doing to my dear Barky?!"

At that moment Nitori opened the sliding doors of the shrine's living room.

Rin: "Nitori? Wait! Yours? Does that mean that.... you're the one who made Barky?"

Nitori: "Obviously. Who else in Gensokyo is competent enough to make Barky? And you!" *pointing at Reimu* "How dare you hit him? I was wondering where he was and followed the tracker, but look at what I found! That's it! I'm taking him with me."

Rin: "What!? Noooo! Me and Barky became a family in the last two hours we've spent together!"

Nitori: "Womp womp."

Chapter Text

Joon: "Well, well, well. Would you look at this? Are you by any chance the impoverished, low-income, underprivileged, bankrupt, deprived, insolvent and destitute shrine maiden of the Hakurei Shrine?"

Reimu: "Should I interpret that as in 'I've had enough of living for today'? Then you came to the right person."

Rin: "Hey there, Reimu! And Joon? Have I missed something? Why does Reimu look like she's constipated?"

Joon: "Greetings, number 126. That's just how Reimu always looked."

Rin: "Number... 126?"

Joon: "That was your place in the popularity poll for this year, was it not? You're in the presence of number 68, my dear subject."

Reimu: "You know that you just talked smack about the number one?"

Joon: "Not for long. After I obtain my rightful spot as the number one in the next popularity poll, I'll also be stealing the spotlight from number 126!"

Rin: "Last time I checked, this fanfiction wasn't called 'Help me, JOONNNNNN!!'."

Joon: "Helping others is WAY beneath me."

...

In Hakurei Shrine's kitchen.

Reimu: "Don't forget about the salt. Did you put the salt in?"

Marisa: "No, not yet."

Reimu: "Don't forget to put the salt in. Oh, and pepper too."

Marisa: "Yeah yeah. I'm on it."

Rin: "What are you girls doing?"

Reimu & Marisa: "AHHHHHH!"

Rin: "Woah! Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you like that."

Marisa: "Don't scare us like that! You almost gave Reimu a heart attack-"

Reimu: "Don't scare us like that! You almost gave me a heart attack! Can't you see we're in the middle of something?"

Rin: "Well, about that. I was wondering what that 'something' was."

Marisa: "There is this cooking competition that's being held this afternoon in the Human Village. The prize is a pretty sizable amount of money, so of course Reimu got in. But the competition only allows competing as a pair, so this is where I come in."

Rin: "And let me guess. Reimu can't cook, so she got you to help her because of your experience in making potions and stuff. She thought that might be similar with cooking, am I right?"

Marisa: "Wow, the young nurse turned detective."

Rin: "Not really young, but thanks. So, what are you cooking for the competition?"

Marisa: "A fried egg."

Rin: "And...?"

Marisa: "There is no 'and'. It's just a fried egg."

Rin: "What!? You're planning to enter a cooking competition with just THAT? Did your brains get fried instead? There ain't no way you're winning with a fried egg."

Reimu: "Then we'll have to be sure that we make a damn good fried egg."

Marisa: *sniff* *sniff* "Hey, does something smell burnt to you?"

Reimu: "MY FRIED EGG!"

Rin: *sigh* "I can't imagine this ending horribly."

Marisa: "Haha, neither can I."

...

At the cooking competition.

Reimu: "Okay, I have the pepper and the salt. Marisa, do you have the egg?"

Marisa: "Of course, it's right here- Uh-oh."

Reimu: "'Uh-oh'? Please don't tell me..."

Marisa: "While we were flying towards the village, I spotted Sanae walking in the distance, so I thought that it would be funny if I dropped an egg on her head."

Reimu: "That's funny, I'll give you that. But how the hell are we supposed to cook a fried egg without the egg!?"

Marisa: "Tee-hee~ Oh! Reimu, look who's our opponent!"

Reimu: "Don't try to change the subject, I still won't- ...Oh, no."

There, standing opposite Reimu and Marisa, were Kutaka and Sakuya.

Reimu: "What are you guys doing here!?"

Sakuya: "We're taking part in the cooking competition. I thought that would have been obvious. With my perfect cooking skills and Kutaka's amazing eggs, we'll make the best fried egg that Gensokyo has ever tasted!"

Marisa: "You too!? Uhh, would you be so kind as to let us borrow one of your eggs?"

Sakuya: "If you return all of Miss Patchouli's books first, then maybe."

Marisa: "Hell nah! I guess we have no other choice. RINNNNNN!! Help us!"

Rin: "What am I supposed to do? I can't lay eggs."

Marisa: "Do us a favor and go buy some eggs. I've heard Chimata opened up a 'supermarket', I think it was called. I've been there once and it was awesome! Has lots of things worth borrowing, I'm telling ya. It is nearby, so it should be a quick purchase."

Rin: "Ugh, fine. But I'm only doing this because I can't stand watching you both being pathetic."

Marisa: "Yeah yeah, thanks a lot. Now go! The competition starts in 30 minutes."

...

Rin: "Wow, this place really has it all! I wish could look around a bit more, but I guess that will be for another day. Now, where are the eggs?"

Five minutes passed and Rin found the aisle that sells the eggs and after buying some she quickly made her way to the checkout.

Shion: "That will be 300 yen."

Rin: "You really do work everywhere nowadays. But wait, weren't you working at Geidontei at this time of day?"

Shion: "I was, but then got fired for drooling all over our customer's food. Even though some of them were quite happy about that."

Rin: "What kind of customers does Geidontei have!?"

Shion shrugs her shoulders.

Shion: "Would you like to register for our rewards program?"

Rin: "That sounds cool and all, but I'm in a hurry."

Shion: "If you spend 100,000 yen with us, you can purchase an item for free as long as that item is below 10,000 yen."

Rin: "I guess I have time to spare."

...

Reimu: "Is Rin still not here yet? How hard buying some eggs could be? The competition starts in 2 minutes!"

Marisa: "Maybe she got lost in there. That place is supermassive, so I wouldn't be surprised. Even the Bamboo Forest is much easier to navigate."

Rin: "Hey girls, I'm back! Sorry if I took too long. I bought the eggs... and some other stuff too. They had this 'rewards program' that allows you to-"

Reimu: "Took you long enough! Give me the eggs."

Rin: "Huh? I don't see Kutaka anywhere."

Marisa: "It seems that one of Kutaka's eggs was about to hatch, so she flew away immediately upon hearing the news. Which in turn made her and Sakuya disqualified by default, as the competition requires you to participate in a team of two. So now Reimu is fired up since she has a much higher chance at winning."

Rin: "I still don't think that she could win with just a fried egg, but hey, we're in the land of fantasies, so anything is possible"

...

Yuyuko: "This is the best fried egg I've ever eaten!"

One of the judges declared.

Reimu: "YES!"

Youmu: "WHAT! But Lady Yuyuko, you also said the same about mine!"

Chapter Text

Rin: "It's so boring..."

Marisa: "Yeah, your shrine is so lame, Sanae."

Sanae: "Then why are you here at this 'lame shrine'? Go pester Reimu or something."

Rin: "That was the plan, but she's currently bedridden. And there's no fun in pestering a sick person."

Marisa: "Eating rocks does tend to do that to you."

Sanae: "What!? Rocks?"

Rin: "Just because supposedly 'rocks are rich in minerals' apparently does not make them edible. Reimu had to learn this the hard way."

Marisa: "This makes it twice this year, so I'm not sure if she actually learns anything."

Sanae: "Wow, now I feel sorry for demanding that she close the shrine."

Marisa: "Don't be, she doesn't have what it takes to forgive."

Then Marisa pulls out a card in front of the group and shouts...

Marisa: "Star Sign 'Dragon Meteor'!"

Sanae: "We're playing UNO, Marisa."

Marisa puts down a reverse card.

Marisa: "Does that mean I can go again?"

Sanae: "No! How many times do I have to explain the rules to you?"

Marisa: "Rules are meant to be broken!"

Sanae: *sigh*

Sanae puts down a plus 4 card.

Rin: "What did I even do to you!?"

Sanae: "That is what you get for calling my shrine 'lame'."

Rin: "I'm pretty sure that Marisa was the one who called it that."

Marisa: "Love Sign 'Master Spark'!"

...

Rin: "You didn't say 'UNO'. Now draw four cards, magician girl."

Marisa: "What are you on about? The card didn't even leave my hand!"

Sanae: "I saw it as clear as day. You put the card down and didn't say 'UNO'."

Marisa: "AHH! This game sucks! Hey, does anyone want to come with me and steal as many things as possible from Remilia's mansion?"

Sakuya: "My mistress would definitely not appreciate that. And I would definitely not allow you to do that."

Marisa: "Geh! J-just joking, just joking. Just a light joke, ...maybe."

Sanae: "What brings you to our shrine, Sakuya?"

Sakuya: "My mistress wishes to extend to you an invitation to her tea party. My guess is that she's felling quite left out and wishes to hang out with you. Ah, but don't tell her I said that. And I came here after I couldn't find any of you at the Hakurei Shrine."

Rin: "Reimu is sick, so we came to disturb Sanae instead."

Sanae: "You shouldn't have."

Marisa: "Don't worry, this is what friends are for."

Sakuya: "I couldn't help but notice the cards you hold. Are you playing some sort of game?"

Sanae: "Oh? Interested in playing some UNO with us? I promise it's really fun."

Sakuya: "I guess I could spare a few minutes."

...

Sakuya: "And that is a 'UNO'."

Marisa & Rin: "Agh!"

Sanae: "That was so awesome, Sakuya! You're really good at UNO. How did you even manage to win three rounds in a row? I thought UNO was a game of chance, but by watching you play, it made me think otherwise."

Sakuya: "It is only natural to be impressed. I am the 𝓟𝓮𝓻𝓯𝓮𝓬𝓽 𝓜𝓪𝓲𝓭 of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, after all."

Sanae: "Wow, she really is perfect! Even the font is completely different!"

Rin: "You can see that?"

Marisa: "What does that have anything to do with being good at UNO?"

...

During their visit at the SDM, Marisa and Patchouli got into a spell card duel over some stolen books.

Patchouli: "Just give it up, Marisa. You've exhausted all of your spell cards. I won this time, so return all of those books at once!"

Marisa: "Ha... ha... haha... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA~"

Patchouli: "W-What? Did she finally lose it?"

Marisa: *sigh* "I thought you were better than this, Patchy. I guess I gave you too much credit. Underestimating me, right here, right now, will be the biggest mistake you ever made!"

Patchouli: "Speaking nonsense like this. You have no spell cards. You had exhausted them all!"

Marisa: "I still have one last card up my sleeve."

Patchouli: "What!? ... Fine, show me your last pathetic card so I can end this, Marisa!"

Marisa: "I have no pathetic cards, Patchy! But I do have the 'UNO Reverse Card'! With this I can-"

*laser beam sfx* shortly followed by *pichu~n* afterward.

Patchouli: "Like I said, pathetic."

Chapter Text

Marisa: "-and to my surprise, she turned out to be the wolf I met way back in the Forest of Magic when I was just a little kid. She even told me how surprised she was over how strong I became, but unbeknownst to her, I haven't even used 1% of my power in that duel with her."

Reimu: "Damn, that's crazy."

Replied Reimu as unenthusiastically as possible to Marisa's story.

Rin: "What were we talking about again?"

Marisa: "How could you forget!? We were discussing who is the coolest incident resolver in whole Gensokyo! And the last round was between me and Reimu. But my stories pretty much solidified my position as the coolest incident resolver, so no further discussions are needed."

Reimu: "Hold it! Defeating a Stage 5 boss is fine and all but don't forget I was the one who taught those animals from the Animal Realm where they belong."

Rin: "In the Animal Realm."

Marisa: "We ain't getting anywhere with this bickering. It's obvious that I'm the coolest incident resolver, but you just can't cope. If that's the case, then let's settle this with a spell card duel! Whoever wins is declared the coolest!"

Reimu: Bring it on!

...

After the duel.

Marisa: "Ouch~"

Rin: "Are you alright, Marisa? You went flying pretty far when the last attack hit you."

Marisa: "I'm alright, the flowers in Yuuka's garden cushioned my fall."

Reimu: "Nice to meet you, Marisa. I'm Reimu, the coolest incident resolver in the whole Gensokyo."

Marisa: "The least cool thing someone can do is brag about how cool they are. Hence, that makes me-"

Reimu: "Fine, if you want to be so difficult, then let Rin choose who's the coolest between both of us."

Rin: "What!? But why me-"

Marisa: "Because the answer is pretty obvious, is it not? Now choose!"

Reimu & Marisa: "Choose, choose, choose, choose, choose..."

Rin: "Fine! I think the coolest incident resolver between you two is neither! That's because that title belongs to no one but ME, Rin Satsuki!"

Reimu & Marisa: "WHAT!?"

Rin: "Every time you go incident resolving, all that hard work of taking care of others is left up to me. When you went to solve that mist incident, you left a bunch of people injured as a result of your careless! A very beaten up Meiling, a burnt Koakuma, an asthmatic Patchouli collapsed on the floor and a Sakuya with cuts all over her body!"

Marisa: "We're so-"

Rin: "That's just one example out of how many. And in the end, I'm the one left to take care of all of your victims, just because you can't hold back or have a simple conversation before assuming everyone you meet in your way is responsible for the incident." *inhale* *exhale*

Reimu & Marisa: ...

Marisa: "... I-I guess you earned the title of the coolest incident resolver, wouldn't you say so, Reimu?"

Reimu: "Y-yeah, totally."

Rin: "Ahh~ Thank you girls! I'm glad my contribution isn't being overlooked."

...

Marisa: "Why do I get the feeling that I'm forgetting something?"

Yuuka: "That's because you are. But if you have trouble remembering, I can help with that."

...

It's an exciting day for those living in the Human Village. That's because a new book written by yours truly, Agatha Chris Q, has just been released today.

Rin, Reimu and Marisa lined up since the early morning hours to buy the book, but even with their efforts of waking up early, a huge line was already formed at Susunaan when they arrived.

Rin: "Can't wait to get my hands on that new book! I wonder what Agatha Chris Q has cooked this time."

Reimu: "'Cooked'?"

Rin: "It means that I'm excited for what she has written. That's how they say it in the outside world, I think. At least that's how Sumireko explained it to me."

Reimu: "I feel like my brain is rotting when I talk with her."

Marisa: "Hey, do you think they'll notice if I snuck up some books off the shelf?"

Rin: "Yeah, if a girl dressed in a witch outfit with an oversized hat and a huge sack were to attempt to steal some books I think people would notice."

Marisa: "Shh~ Don't blow my cover, I already have 10 inside the bag. And also, it's not stealing, I'm just borrowing till I'm-"

Rin: "Yeah yeah. Looks like it's our turn."

Reimu: "Finally! This line took soooo long. I hope the book is worth the effort."

The crew make their way to the counter.

Kosuzu: "You're here for the new book written by Agatha Chris Q, right? Wait a moment, I'll go and grab a copy from the back."

Reimu: "Even more waiting, great."

...

Kosuzu: "I'm sorry to break the news to you, especially after coming here so early, but we ran out of stock."

Reimu & Rin: "WHAT! / You're kidding, right!?"

Kosuzu: "I'm really sorry, but the last copy was just purchased by someone not too long ago."

Marisa: "Who's the one that did it? Maybe we could steal- I mean purchase the book legally from them, of course."

Kosuzu: "Uh, I think it was that vamp-"

Remilia: "I have the book you're looking for!"

Reimu: "Ugh, just great."

Rin: "Remilia? Did you run out of books to read from your library?"

Remilia: "That's my revenge for you, Reimu! Because of you I can't enjoy a Gensokyo covered in scarlet mist anymore. And so, you and your friends will have to pay the price."

Marisa: "Ah! I'm actually not friends with them. They just hang around me. Maybe, you know, could I have the book instead?"

Remilia: "No."

Rin: "Marisa, you traitor."

Reimu: "I guess the beating from last time wasn't enough of a lesson. Fine, let's get this over with."

Said Reimu as she reached out for her gohei.

Remilia: "Always eager for a fight, are we? Well, I wouldn't mind going along with it, but doing the usual gets quite boring, and also I have something else in mind. If you win this little game I made, I'll give you the book."

Rin: "And what kind of game you have in mind?"

Remilia: "I hid three pieces of the book across Gensokyo. Find them and the book shall be yours."

Remilia brings out a large piece of paper from somewhere.

Remilia: "I have marked the rough location of those pieces on this map right here."

Marisa: "Wow, you really went all out for this."

Remilia: "Heh, so what do you have to say? This is my revenge for what you did to me last time. Isn't this so devilish? Muah ha ha~"

Marisa: "Uh, no. This actually sounds like a great time!"

Remilia: "No! You're wrong! This is totally devilish and malicious!"

Marisa: "Yeah, no. I know devilish and malicious when I see it, and making a cool game isn't."

Remilia: "Just take the map and go! You have until evening to find all the pieces."

Remilia shoved the map into Reimu's hand and flew away.

Reimu: *sigh* "That vampire is such a pain in the ass."

Marisa: "Want me to massage it?"

Reimu: "Do it and I'll make sure you won't be able to Master Spark with those hands ever again."

Rin: "Let me take a look at the map."

Rin took the map from Reimu's hand and started to inspect it. Marisa and Reimu approached her from behind and looked over her shoulders at the map.

Rin: "The first piece of the book is located at the Garden of the Sun."

Marisa: "Oh no, anywhere but that place. No way I'm going there after what happened last time. Yuuka said she'll kill me if she sees my face again. Where's the second piece located?"

Rin: "Uhh, the Forest of Magic, apparently."

Marisa: "I'm going there! If there is anyone between us who is the most familiar with that forest, it's me."

Rin: "No objections here. Then me and Reimu will go searching in the Garden of the Sun, while Marisa in the Forest of Magic. And finally we'll all meet up at the SDM, where the final piece of the book is located."

Reimu: "And presumably we'll have to fight Remilia there."

Marisa: "Okay, let's do this! Whoever's last is a rotten mushroom."

...

Enoko: *sniff* *sniff* *sniff* "Found it!"

Marisa: "Good girl. Here is your treat!"

...

Reimu: "R-Rin! Wait for me! *pant* *pant*"

Shouted Reimu desperately while trying to catch up with Rin. Unfortunately for these two, when they arrived at the Garden of the Sun, Yuuka was in a very bad mood thanks to a certain celestial destroying her garden. Now she was out for blood, striking down everyone she sees.

Rin: "I'm sorry Reimu, but I really want to read that book. But if there is any consolation I could give, my clinic will always be open for you!"

Reimu: "RINNNNNN~!"

With those parting words, Rin flew away, leaving Reimu in a lion's den.

...

At the SDM's entrance.

Marisa: "Hey, what took you so long? Hm? Where's Reimu?"

Rin: "She sacrificed herself so I could be here."

Marisa: "... Got it."

Remilia: "So you finally arrived. Yes, before you get your last piece of the book, you'll have to beat me first! I bet you didn't see that coming. Muah ha ha!"

Marisa: "Did she always laugh like that?"

Rin: "I don't think so. It might be something new."

Remilia: "-ha! Ha! Ha? Hm? Where is Reimu!?"

Rin: "Ask Yuuka that question."

Remilia: "What!? If she's not here, then what is the point in me doing all this? Whatever, I'm going."

Rin: "WAIT! Before you go, I need to tell you something."

Remilia: "... Speak."

Rin: "While playing this game you made, I realized something. You said that you made all this just to get at Reimu for putting a stop to your plans, but I think that's not entirely true. What you actually wanted from all this was companionship. You felt lonely being all reclusive in that big mansion, and so you made this game in order to have a chance to get closer to Reimu and others."

Remilia: ...

Marisa: ...

Remilia: "Maybe you're right. Maybe all I wanted was just some friends I could hang out with. Maybe I felt jealous, seeing all of you hanging out and having fun."

Marisa: "Wait. Really-"

Remilia: "That's what I would have said if I was a little twerp. Companionship? Friends? The embodiment of the Scarlet Devil does not need such things. And now you spoiled my mood. Bye losers."

Marisa: "What about the book-? and she's gone."

And with that, Remilia went inside the mansion.

Reimu: *pant* *pant*

Rin: "I'm sorry, Reimu. It seems that your sacrifice was in vain."

Chapter Text

At the Hakurei Shrine, Rin, Reimu and Marisa were just lazing around like usual while appreciating the peaceful days of summer, until...

Marisa: "Ahh~ It's sooo boooring! I'm so bored! I find myself quite bored! I feel extremely bored and understimulated. Can't an incident happen already!?"

Reimu: "Don't you dare jinx it! If an incident happens I'll just blame it on you."

Rin: "You know what they say, it is always calm before the storm. I can't help but feel uneasy that something big might happen soon."

Marisa: "Hell yeah! Now I'm pumped-"

Reimu: "No! You two better shut up. There is NOT going to be an incident! Nuh-uh! No sir."

Rin: "If incidents don't happen, then there will be no reason for people to come pray and donate to your shrine."

Reimu: "... Let's ask Remilia if she wants to spread that mist around again. I'll go easy on her this time."

Out of the corner of her eye, Rin saw a camera flash and a certain tengu reporter flying from some nearby bushes and into the sky with a new scoop. Rin can already imagine "The Hakurei Shrine Maiden conspiring with yokais to bring donations to the shrine" being the title of tomorrow's issue.

Rin: (Should I...? Nah, that's Reimu's problem.)

Marisa: "Booooooored... Oh! I completely forgot! I might have something interesting to help us pass time."

Marisa removes her witch hat and from it, she pulled out a large sack full of whatever it's inside.

Reimu: "Did she always had that?"

She rummaged through the sack for a while until she dragged something out from its bottom.

Marisa: "Ah, there you are!"

It was some old looking book that has seen better days.

Marisa: "I found this book in the Forest of Magic while I was collecting some inocybe mushrooms."

Rin: "What's that?"

Marisa: "Inocybe are small mushrooms often found in the Forest of Magic. They contain potent toxins that can paralyze you, but are good for improving one's magic capacity."

Rin: "I was asking abo-"

Reimu: "She was asking about the book, you mushroom freak."

Marisa: "Oh, that. Don't know. I was planning on opening the book sometime later, but then I completely forgot about it. Well, it's now or never!"

Rin: "Wait! We don't even know if it's safe to op-"

It wasn't safe to open. The instant Marisa did so, a white light enveloped our trio, and moments later they were nowhere to be found. Except for the book responsible for all this, which was now laying on the ground.

...

Reimu: "W-Where the hell are we!?"

Rin: "It's obvious that we're in a forest, Reimu."

Reimu: "Don't get smart with me! You know what I mean."

Rin: "Well, that I don't know. It doesn't look like anywhere in Gensokyo, that I'm sure of."

All that surrounded them were extremely tall trees and strange, almost alien, vegetation.

Reimu: "God damnit, Marisa! Did you really have to bring that book with you?"

Rin: "... Where is Marisa?"

...

Marisa: "RINNNNNN! Reimu! Someone? Help meeeee!!!"

Not too far away was Marisa, sprinting as fast as possible between numerous trees while being chased by something that resembles a white tiger with sharp teeth and claws.

Marisa: *pant* *pant* "Why wasn't my broom *pant* teleported with me too? And I have to *pant* stay still *pant* to shoot my Master Spark."

*CRASH*

The creature chasing Marisa jumped at her but in the last moment she managed to dodge its attack, which in turn made the creature to face plant into a tree.

Marisa: "That was *pant* too close for comfort! *pant* No worries, I'm certain *pant* I can rely on Rin and Reimu in times like these."

...

Reimu: "I'm sure Marisa is doing just fine. Let's find a way out, and fast. I don't want my shrine to become infested with yokais while I'm gone."

Rin: "Too late for that. ... Hey, what are the chances we encounter someone out here? Do you think they'll be willing to help us out?"

???: "Hey girls, are you in the need of some help?"

Reimu: "Who goes the-"

Rin & Reimu: "ZUN!?"

ZUN: "The one and only."

Rin: "What... What are you doing in a place like this?"

ZUN: "That's a good question. The last thing I remember before getting here was the 20 litre beer I was drinking the night before, and not long after I find myself all alone in this forest the next morning."

Rin: "For how long?"

ZUN: "A year."

Rin: "Oh, I get it now! The reason why there haven't been any incidents lately was because he was stuck here, unable to come up with new games!"

Reimu: "When we get your ass out of here you better make a game in which an incident forces people into coming to my shrine and donate money."

Rin: "And make me the protagonist!"

ZUN: *sweat drops* "A-About that..."

Marisa: "RINNNNNN!! Reimu! Help meeeeee!"

A shout could be heard in the distance.

ZUN: "L-Looks like your friend needs help. You should go."

Reimu: "Oh yeah, I completely forgot about her. Let's go Rin. And you! *pointing at ZUN* You better be here when we get back."

They didn't have the chance to see that man again. After Reimu Fantasy Sealed the beast chasing Marisa, a light similar to the previous one enveloped the trio and transported them back at the shrine.

...

Rin: "Apparently, defeating that beast was the key to getting out."

Marisa: "Hey, who was the person you and Reimu met while searching for me in there?

Rin: "Met?"

Marisa: "Don't you remember? You mentioned how you met someone shortly before finding me and defeating that beast."

Rin: "Now that you mention it, I think we met someone in there... but I can't really remember. Wonder why? ... Umm, I think his name was... umm... Sam? Ham?"

Marisa: "Ham!? What kind of name is that?"

Reimu: "Did someone say ham?"

Rin: "Reimu, what was that guy's name again?"

Reimu: "Who the hell are you talking about? *stomach growling* Ugh, now that you mentioned ham, I'm in a state of hunger."

Marisa: "You're always in that state, Reimu."

Chapter Text

It was a beautiful day in Gensokyo. Villagers were out and about, enjoying the warmth of spring after enduring a long and ruthless winter.

It really was a nice day, but unbeknownst to everyone, things soon will come to an end. Ultimately, all good things come to an end.

Rin: "What's up with this ominous introduction?"

...

As it was a day off for Rin, she decided to walk around the village and enjoy the first signs of spring with everyone else.

While on her little outing she saw Marisa in front of a bakery looking frantically around and trying not be conspicuous. But with her witch outfit, good luck with that.

And with nothing better to do, Rin decided to approach her.

Rin: "Hey Marisa. Why are you trying to be all sneaky lik-"

Marisa: "AHHHHHHHHHH!! O-Oh, i-it's y... you, Rin. W-What are y-you doing in the v-v-village?"

Rin: "Huh? What kind of question is that? I live here, obviously. Why are you stuttering like that? *gasp* Don't tell me you're planning to steal from this bakery!? Are the books from Patchy's library not enough to satiate your kleptomaniac tendencies?"

Marisa: "What!? Don't say that out loud with all these people around, you'll cause a misunderstanding! And no, I would never steal from an honest business!"

Rin: "Rinnosuke is rolling in his grave right now."

Marisa: "He's alive, and that's different! I'm only borrowing from him. He can have his stuff back once I'm dead."

Rin: "My ears are bleeding from hearing that line over and over. And also, you still haven't explained yourself. Why are you acting so suspicious, and what are you frantically looking around for?"

Marisa: "O-Oh, that... I'm just... Umm... Admiring the view!"

Rin: "You were here yesterday too, the village didn't change much since then."

Marisa: "It's just... Uhh... The spring makes the village look so different from before, and uh... you know..."

Rin: "Yeah, right. It's clear as day that you're hiding something, but I'm not the one to pry into someone else's business."

Marisa: "Yep, you're righ- Wait, no! I'm not hiding anything, really! No secrets here, nuh-uh. I swear on my pride as the best thief magician around!"

Rin: "Don't pride yourself with that. Whatever, I'll be on my merry way."

Marisa: "Mhm, go away fast- I mean, bye bye Rin!"

With a feeling of skepticism Rin was about to take her leave, but soon stopped in her tracks when the door of the bakery opened from which Reimu exited while holding a huge bag.

Reimu: "Hey Marisa, I just finished buying the cake. Did you keep an eye out for- RIN!?"

Rin: "Reimu? Oh, a cake? And a big one at that. What's the occasion? Is there a party happening at the shrine?"

Reimu: "... W-What cake!? There is no cake. Did you see any cakes Marisa?"

Asked Reimu while doing a very poor job at hiding the cake behind her.

Marisa: "Nope! I didn't see any cakes! They were all sold out! Yup."

Rin: "But Reimu's the one who was in the store just now. How would YOU know if the cakes were sold out? And, I mean... she's clearly holding a cake... so, what's up with that?"

Reimu & Marisa: ...

Rin: *sigh* "Listen, you don't have to lie like that to me. I won't be mad for not being invited to whatever gathering you're holding."

Marisa: "That's not it! There is absolutely NOT going to be a huge party at the shrine! And that cake is absolutely NOT a birthday-"

Reimu: "We have to go now! My intuition tells me that there's an incident happening... somewhere."

And with that, the two worst liars in Gensokyo quickly left the scene.

Rin: ...

...

Rin: (What was that all about?)

While Rin was trying to reason those two's behavior, in the distance, she spotted a certain umbrella youkai hiding in a corner and 'scarring' any villagers who were passing by.

Although, to her dismay, she's not scarring anyone with her cuteness and clumsiness. Most of the villagers are just laughing it off or patting her and saying 'do your best' or 'you're so adorable, Kogasa-chan.'

Since it's been a while since she has seen Kogasa, Rin decided to play as the unsuspecting villager just passing by.

Kogasa: "BO- AHHHHHHH!!"

Rin: "Oi, you're the one who's supposed to scare people, not the other way around. Why did you even scream when you saw me?"

Kogasa: "I... I... I'm SOOOOORRY~!!"

Screamed Kogasa as loud as possible, attracting the attention from some nearby villagers in the process, and then she took off running away into an alley.

Rin: ... (What's up with everyone trying to get away from me?)

...

Rin: (First is Marisa and Reimu trying to hide something from me, then Kogasa running the second she saw me. ... Maybe I'm just overthinking things? I mean Kogasa gets scared of her own shadow and both Marisa and Reimu are always scheming something, so maybe there's nothing strange about any of those occurrences.)

As Rin was walking around the village, contemplating today's events, she once again sees a familiar face in the distance.

Hoping that this next interaction will go better than the previous ones, she approached the person.

Rin: "Sup Shion."

Shion: "!?"

Rin: "What is '!?' supposed to mean?"

Shion: "I-I'm not doing anything s-suspicious, I swear! I really don't know what you're talking about!"

Rin: "It is me who doesn't know what are you talking about. Really, what's up with everyone today?"

Shion: ...

Shion was trying to stealthily get away from Rin, but before she could do that, Rin grabbed Shion by her shoulders.

Rin: "Where do you think you're running off, huh?"

Shion: "GYAAAAHHH! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sooooorry!"

Rin: *sigh* "Listen, it is obvious that you're hiding something from me. And it's only you who's doing that, Reimu, Marisa and Kogasa, all of them were behaving unusual the moment they saw me. So please, tell me, I promise I won't get mad."

Shion: "Well, it's not about you getting mad, but it's more about them getting mad at me for ruining the surprise- Woops!"

Realising that she revealed too much, Shion quickly covered her mouth, but unfortunately it was too late for that.

Rin: "Surprise? What surprise? ... Wait a moment, when I met Marisa at the bakery this morning she mentioned something about a 'birthday', and now with your earlier slip-up I can only conclude..."

Shion: *gulp*

Rin: "I think I already know the answer, but I'll ask just in case. Who is this 'surprise birthday' party held for?"

Shion: "Maybe, probably, hypothetically, perhaps, not like I would know, just saying, more like guessing... it's your birthday party."

Rin: *siiiiiiiiighhhhhh*

Shion: "You don't want it? T-They all worked r-really hard to-"

Rin: "No no no! I appreciate the gesture, I really do! But, umm, there's just one tiny little problem, my birthday was two months ago."

Shion: "... Wha- T-That's impossible!"

Rin: "Uh, it's not? I think I would know when my birthday is."

Shion: " And when is exactly?"

Rin: "It's on Christmas Day. Ah, but don't feel too bad about this. We still celebrated, even though what we celebrated wasn't exactly my birthday."

Shion: *sob* "But... *sob* everyone worked so hard to prepare for this party. Reimu used the money donated to her shrine to buy a special made birthday cake. Marisa worked on some special danmaku, I think she called them... 'fireworks'?"

Rin: "Listen-"

Shion: "A-And Aunn was so eager to see your reaction to the decorations she made for the party."

Rin: "I'm going! I can't let Aunn's hard work be wasted like that!"

...

The moment Rin stepped through the torii gate placed at the end of the long stairs leading up to the Hakurei Shrine...

Everyone: "Happy Birthday, RINNNNNN!!"

Marisa: "Haha, I betcha you don't expected this, did you?"

Sanae: "Happy Birthday, Rin! Though I'm sure that this party would have been much better if it was held at the Moriya Shrine instead."

Kogasa: "BOO! Happy Birthday Rin! I'm sorry for running away earlier, I knew I would have slipped up about this if I hadn't, hehe."

Sakuya: "Happy Birthday, Rin. I would like to extend this gift to you, and this one is from my mistress. Unfortunately, she couldn't make it to the party, she got too excited the night before and couldn't sleep, so she caught a cold because of that."

Reimu: "Happy Birthday. You better be greatful, after all, I used MY donation's money to buy you this amazing cake."

Reisen: "Hey Rin, why haven't I made an appearance in this fanfic at all?"

Aunn: "Happy Birthday Rin! Do you like the decorations!? Do you like them!?"

Marisa: "Hey Reimu! Don't start eating the cake yet! We still have to light up the candles!"

Reimu: "Get off! It's MY cake now!"

Rin: ...

Shion: "H-Happy Birthday. Sorry, all I could get for you was this shinny green rock I found at the nuclear furnace from the underground."

Rin: "Are you trying to kill me!?" *sigh*

Shion: "You've been sighing a lot lately."

Rin: *sigh* "Wait! How did everyone even come to the conclusion that today is my birthday?"

Shion: "Well, it was from you."

Rin: "Huh?"

Shion: "Marisa said she overheard you talking with someone in the village about how you'll be taking this day off because it was your birthday. And after she told everyone this, we made plans to throw you this surprise party."

Rin: "...? ... Oh! I think she heard me wrong. What I said back then was that I was taking this day off because I was planning to buy everyone gifts for their birthday. Half the people I know have their birthday in spring, so the plan was to take a full day off and dedicate it to buying gifts."

Shion: "Oh."

Rin: "Now the question is, how do I break the news to everyone?"

Shion: "I guess from now on, today will be your birthday."

Rin: *sigh*

...

Rin: *chuckle* "This truly was a touhou project, eh."

Shion: "... what?"