Work Text:
JANE: Thank you for tuning in. I’m Jane Court, also known as Zany Jany at 9.33 FM. The Witch’s Road, your number one station for Rock and Toil. You know what they say—you can’t have a little Double Double Toil and Trouble without a bit of Rock in your Fire Burning Cauldron Bubble. Here with me today is the upcoming rock band, The Weird Sisters, but it’s full of misters.
THE WEIRD SISTERS: Hi, we’re the Weird Sisters. Thank you for having us.
JANE: If you would be so kind, everyone introduce themselves to the people at home.
HEATHCOTE: Heathcote Barbary rhythm guitar
GIDEON: Gideon Crumb bagpipes.
KIRLEY: Kirley Duke lead guitar.
MERTON: Merton Graves cello.
ORSINO: Orsino Thruston drums.
MYRON: Myron Wagtail lead singer.
HERMAN: Herman Wintringham lute.
JANE: That took a bit of getting through, and no bass guitar?
MERTON: I have a second cello I use as a bass. I swapped out the strings with Fender flatwounds, enlarged the grooves in the nut and bridge, expanded the string holes in the pegs, and adjusted the tuning to EADG.
KIRLEY: You could have got a double bass.
MERTON: Ya, but this was more fun.
DONAGHAN: Actually I'm bass guitar you cut me off before I could introduce myself?
JANE: Right, so what are your goals?
MYRON: Our goal is to be the best wizarding band in the world.
ORSINO: Won’t take much, not a lot of competition.
JANE: Where did you get your style inspiration from?
MYRON: Mind you, you’re going to have a bit of a laugh, but I would have to say Severus Snape. His hair might be greasy, but those robes work for him. Very broody sort of vibe off that bloke.
ORSINO: I like to mix Muggle with wizard style, so it’s something no one has seen before.
GIDEON: A bit of fur is always nice with some leather.
HERMAN: Comfort is key. Nothing worse than trousers too tight. They split right down the crack of your-
JANE: Thank you, Herman; that’s quite enough. Um, what music inspires you?
DONAGHAN: Me and Orsino, we’re Muggleborn, so we like a bit of both Muggle and wizard music. I rather fancy the Beatles, and for those Muggleborns, no, Yoko Ono didn’t break up the band. They had trouble long before that happened. It’s a false narrative. She is an artist. She made stuff like the Cut Piece, and she has new stuff coming out soon.
KIRELY: Shut up about the Beatles Donaghan. That's probably why she cut you off during the intro. Right, I’m Kirley, and I like Celestina Warbeck, which is why they won’t let me write songs. She performed at Hogwarts when we were there and held auditions for singers to go on stage with her for her concert.
MYRON: Yeah, but she chose Barnaby Lee, but who’s the lead singer of a hit band I am?
JANE: Which rock band inspires you?
MERTON: Well, I think Donaghan answered that already. I’m just happy to be here.
JANE: Favorite meal from anywhere in the world?
HEATHCOTE: We prefer food from the UK. We travel all over, but we get homesick and love the taste of it. Fish and chips—it’s a classic.
MYRON: Everyone says that it’s Bangers and Mash for me.
KIRLEY: Haggies, Neeps, and Tatties taste like home.
ORSINO: Shepherd’s Pie.
MERTON: Full English breakfast.
KIRLEY: No, the Full Scottish.
HERMAN: A Full Welsh. But Laverbread is my top pick.
GIDEON: It’s the Full Irish. Really, a good Irish stew. But Irish breakfast is better.
JANE: When you were younger, what did you want to be when you grew up?
KIRELY: This is a bit sappy, but sure, I wanted to be a backup singer for Celestina Warbeck. Yes, I can sing and I’m cross with you too, Barnaby Lee.
MYRON: I wanted to be an Auror. I know their pigs oink oink. I can do a wicked patronus, but music is my calling.
GIDEON: Alright, I wanted to be a Hit Wizard, like a spy of sorts, but I’m downright clumsy.
MERTON: Wanted to play for an orchestra as the first chair. Some people say rock music and hooking my cello to an amp has ruined my ear. I still have perfect pitch though.
ORSINO: I wanted to be a writer; Shakespeare was one of my inspirations.
DONAGHAN: My dream as a kid was to be in this band. Sadly, I’m not an original member. I had to audition after their first concert at Hogwarts. I was one of the few people that could play the bass without magic.
HERMAN: A potioneer creator for hair removal. I got too much of it.
HEATHCOTE: A dad.
ORSINO: Someday.
MYRON: The way things are going, Donaghan’s going to beat you to it.
DONAGHAN: Shut it and no comment.
KIRLEY: That’s a first.
JANE: When you’re not performing, what do you like to do?
HEATHCOTE: Nothing. I’m a bit of a lazy sod on my days off. I like to skive off.
MYRON: I know what I would like to say, but that’s not allowed on the air.
DONAGHAN: Hang out with my fiancée.
MERTON: Going to the lake is nice.
GIDEON: School, that’s what I do; what I fancy doing is playing piano, trying to see how many instruments I can learn. I’m not just a bagpipes man.
HERMAN: Reading mystery novels. Currently reading the Ink Black Heart.
KIRLEY: I write songs in my free time and write a bit of poetry. And you borrowed that book from me, Herman. It's rubbish by the way.
ORSINO: Writing. I think maybe I can get a stage play going when I’m done after Donaghan’s wedding, of course. Plenty of free time then.
JANE: Who is always late?
MYRON: Orsino is, but he has no hair, so I don’t know why.
ORSINO: I take long showers. I like to be clean.
KIRLEY: What are you cleaning that takes that long?
JANE: Who eats the most?
THE WEIRD SISTERS: Myron!
MYRON: Hey, it takes loads of food to support these vocal cords.
JANE: What inspired you guys to make this record?
MYRON: We were inspired by Sirius Black breaking out of Azkaban. Dark stuff inspires us, like The Unforgivable Curses and the like. We don’t practice it, but despair helps us and fuels the music. Certain people as well embody despair to us, like Ben Cooper, Severus Snape, Ismelda Murk, and Jacob’s sibling. I forgot his name but he’s an honorary member.
GIDEON: Snape is going to kill us.
JANE: When is the album coming out?
MYRON: December 31, and we have something special hidden in the album that will be a surprise for next year. If you can find it that is.