Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

In the small town of Anakt, musically gifted prodigies are created. They are most well known for the popular TV show, Alien Stage. Most people who grew up in the area practice and train their whole lives to go up on that stage and win. Parents enroll their children in the Anakt school district where they hone the musical abilities of their adolescents.

It’s the day for the new generation to start their education in Anakt Middle School. This is when it starts to get serious for the students. Elementary school years in Anakt are focused more on general education such as reading and math. Most of the kids who attend the middle school are transferring from Anakt Elementary, but there are some who transfer from other districts anyway.

Ivan grew up in Anakt, and today is the day he starts his first day of 6th grade. He stands with his father, waiting to enter his classroom. Other children and their parents begin gathering around the door as well, anticipating their orientation. 

Ivan glances to the right of the hallway, where he locks eyes with a boy with messy silver hair. He must be clumsy or something because he has cuts and bruises littering the rest of his body. Ivan holds eye contact in deep thought. He seems like an interesting character, that’s for sure. The boy seems to get embarrassed and quickly averts his gaze.

The classroom door finally opens, revealing a gentle woman who Ivan assumes must be his new teacher. She welcomes the students and teachers, giving Ivan a warm smile when he walks in. 

Ivan watches the rest of the people file into the classroom and he finds himself searching for the messy boy from earlier. The boy stumbles in, the adult with him gripping his arm with quite a bit of force.

Ivan may be a kid but he’s always been able to notice things most do not. Wouldn’t that much pressure leave a bruise?

Ivan lets his eyes linger a little longer before inspecting the rest of his surroundings. Most of the children stand with their parents, anxious and trying to stay as close to them as possible. 

To Ivan’s right he catches sight of a girl with pink hair and glasses. She’s staring at the other half of the room. Ivan follows her gaze and lands upon a girl with short black hair. She seems to be the quiet type, keeping to herself with an unreadable expression. She doesn’t notice the other girl admiring her from afar.

Ivan finds this behavior quite intriguing, so he breaks off from his father’s side and approaches the pink-haired girl.

“Do you know her?” 

“WAH-“ the girl stumbles backwards after being broken from her trance, though she quickly recovers and stands up once more. “What are you talking about?” she asks, fixing the glasses on the bridge of her nose.

Ivan notices that her face is an embarrassing shade of red and she is entirely uncomposed. She clearly wasn’t expecting anyone to notice her.

“You seem to be pretty fascinated by the girl over there. Do you know her?” Ivan asks again.

“Well…” the girl hesitates, but seems like she can no longer keep her thoughts to herself, “Not exactly.” she sighs. “I just saw her come through the door today and thought she was super pretty! I’d love to be friends with her!” 

The girl instantly brightens after her last sentence. She seems to really want to get to know that girl. Ivan figures he has nothing better to do, so he walks up to the other girl. He also wants to see how this plays out, to be honest.

“Hello.” he smiles at her as he approaches.

“…Hi.” she stands there awkwardly, giving Ivan a confused look. “Can I help you?”

Ivan cups the side of his mouth, looking in the pink girl’s direction and whispers, “There’s a girl over there with pink hair who wants to talk to you.”

The short-haired girl tracks his line of sight, eventually spotting who he seems to be talking about, making direct eye contact with her. The pink-haired girl is shocked at first, but then gives a shy wave in her direction.

Unsure of a proper response, the short-haired girl gives an awkward wave back. This seems to give the pink-haired girl some sort of newfound courage, and she bounds right up to the other girl.

“Hi! I’m Mizi, what’s your name?” she asks with what Ivan decides is too much excitement.

The short-haired girl clearly wasn’t expecting her to approach her like that, especially with so much energy. “Uh… My name is Sua.” she says while averting eye contact with the girl who apparently goes by ‘Mizi’ by staring at the floor. Entirely ineffective when it comes to someone this lively, unfortunately. 

The girls continue their introductions and Ivan was just about to leave them be when Mizi suddenly turns her attention over to him.

“What’s your name?” Mizi beams.

Ivan returns her enthusiastic smile, “Ivan.”

“Oh, Ivan! That’s a cool name!” she looks between both Ivan and Sua, “We should all be friends!”

Ivan considers for a moment, and ultimately decides it wouldn’t hurt to become friends with Mizi. She gives off what Ivan imagines having a little sister is like. As for Sua… He’s not quite sure but something feels off about her.

“Mn.” Ivan acknowledges.

Sua continues her intense staring contest with the floor as she shyly responds, “Okay…”

“Perfect!” Mizi takes Sua’s fidgeting hands in her own and holds them together.

Sua’s face almost instantly flushes a bright red, resembling that of a freshly ripe tomato.

The adult that Sua had been with, which Ivan was just now noticing, seemingly decided that Sua is settled in and silently takes their leave. Not even letting Sua know and they’re just gone. 

A few seconds after they had already disappeared, Sua seems to notice the absence at her side. She looks around the room, probably hoping that they had just gone to talk to somebody or sat down somewhere. Of course, she was nowhere to be found. Sua lets the disappointment show on her face for a second before quickly recovering her previous expression. However short the second, Ivan of course could still spot it.

She seems to have expected this. Ivan assumes this type of thing must happen often, but Sua still holds on to the sliver of hope that they might actually stick around till the end. Even though by the end of the day it’s always going to disappoint her.

Across the room, Ivan notices the boy from earlier. He’s staring right at him, so he holds the gaze. Neither of them look away this time. The boy finally tears his eyes away and instead focuses his attention on Mizi. The longer he stares the pinker his cheeks become. He realizes Ivan is still staring at him and quickly looks down at the floor. He tries to act as nonchalant as possible and utterly fails. This boy is terrible at concealing his emotions.

A woman’s voice rises over the chatter. It’s the teacher announcing the start of class, and parents begin filing out of the classroom. Ivan glances back at the boy who seems to relax a bit more when his adult leaves. 

Ivan finds himself to be quite interested in him and finds himself breaking away from Mizi and Sua to finally approach him. The girls seem confused as he walks off.

Standing to the side of him, Ivan says what he figures is a good way to greet him, “Who are you?”

The boy jumps, definitely not expecting to be approached. He seemed to be spacing out in his own little world.

Cute. Ivan finds himself thinking. Though he’s never actually thought that about anyone, he just brushes it off as his curiosity.

“What the hell are you even talking about?” the boy says with zero hesitation. His face right after spells instant regret, and he immediately follows up with an apology, “Oh- Uh, I’m sorry I just thought um… that was a weird question… I guess…” the boy stares down back at the ground and fidgets with his hands. He doesn’t seem to know how to filter his thoughts all too well.

Ivan tilts his head, “Hm… Who are you? What’s your name? Where are you from? How old are you?”

With this rapid fire of very personal questions, Till’s (very low) patience runs thin and he snaps, “Why are you asking such weird things!?”

Feisty. This is quite interesting.

“I’m curious.” he simply puts.

“Whatever… I guess I’ll just answer your first one. And don’t expect me to respond to the others! I don’t even know you!” Till takes a deep breath, seemingly resetting his temper, “I’m Till.”

Till… Till.

Ivan says the name a couple times in his head to get a bit of a feel for it. He thinks for a second and then seems to suddenly remember something. He grabs Till’s shoulder, earning from him a cry of pain.

“Wh-What the hell’s the matter with you!?” he cries and pulls himself away.

“I saw the adult with you squeezing that shoulder. It clearly hurts you,” Ivan ponders for a moment, “Is he usually like that?”

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business, but yeah. It’s nothing to worry about, I’m used to it.”

“Boys, we’re over here.” The teacher beckons sternly.

Ivan then realizes that the entire class is huddled around her sitting on a brightly patterned rug. Perhaps wanting to test something, Ivan takes Till’s hand and leads him towards the group. Till flinches at the touch but doesn’t pull his hand away.

The teacher claps her hands together and voices sweetly, “Well let’s get started shall we?

And so, the first day for the 50th generation of Anakt students had begun.

Chapter Text

Ivan and friends are now in 8th grade, about to graduate and enter high school. So much has happened within these past few years. These people became so important to him in such little time. But none of them compare to Till. If Ivan lives for anything, it’s for Till. He didn’t understand these new feelings in the beginning of their relationship, but now it may as well be the only thing he has ever understood. Till was his light and is his muse. His only desire is to protect him and to be near him. Till is everything. Till is his. 

But he’s not.

Till loves anyone but him, actually. Till loves Mizi. Till hates Ivan. Sure, maybe it doesn’t help that Ivan will do absolutely anything to get Till’s attention. Ivan doesn’t care if Till hates him as long as he sees him. He just wants to be in Till’s presence and that’s enough for him.

At first, it just started as petty things, such as stealing Till’s things and giving them back to him as if he wasn’t the one who took them in the first place. Till saw through this every time and it only ever pissed him off. 

As time passed, Ivan’s desperation for Till to look at him only became stronger. And, of course, his jealousy started creeping to the surface. He smashed the flower crowns he would make for Mizi which would result in a fight. During those fights, Ivan never held back. 

He’s looking at me. He’s not looking at Mizi. He thought.

That caused him to throw harder punches, he wanted the moment to last forever. He wanted to bask in Till’s gaze until his skin started to rot and he withered away. 

Even though Ivan did these things that had forever altered their relationship from the first time they met, Till somehow still allowed Ivan to be around him. They would hang out sometimes, whether it be Ivan leaning over his shoulder watching him draw, or them laying on the grass together talking about stupid things. Ivan would typically bring up topics like existential crises, and Till would just call him an idiot. Those were Ivan’s most peaceful memories.

But good things never last, do they?

Ivan’s dad is someone who is only ever out for profit. He had never paid much attention to him, seeing as he had only adopted him as a gift for his wife who had been wanting a child. She treated him with enough love, he supposed, but she still passed away only a few years after his adoption. Unsha pretty much only kept him around after that for show. He was a good tool for him to use with clients as sentimental value.

So, when he told Ivan that he’d actually be getting a proper use, Ivan didn’t really know what to expect. He was signing Ivan up for sponsors and commercials, planning on making him into a profitable model. Ivan didn’t object to this at first, he figured it didn’t affect him that much and it’s not like he ever did anything outside of school. What he didn’t realize was that this was going to be the one thing that tore him apart from the only thing he has ever cared about.

Unsha revealed to him that they were moving to the city where there will be better opportunities for Ivan’s new modeling career, and they were moving by the time he entered high school. 

There is no way Ivan would accept this. What about Mizi and Sua? They were like his sisters. Moreso Mizi, since Sua never seemed to warm up to him. Ivan envied her, anyway. He couldn’t leave Till. No, he wouldn’t leave Till. And that’s how Ivan came up with a plan. It was entirely spur of the moment, and Ivan acted purely on his emotions. His rage towards his father consumed him. All he wanted was Till. Nothing else had ever mattered more.

During the summer before his first year of high school, Ivan snuck out of his house. He’s never done anything like it before but, of course, like most things, he was a natural at it. He managed to leave without his father or any of the servants noticing.

Ivan had texted Till to meet him at a nearby park, and by some odd stroke of luck, he actually agreed. 

When he arrived he saw Till laying on the grass admiring the stars. Ivan fought the urge to lie next to him, after all staring at the sky with Till was his favorite pastime. If he wanted to make this work he had to act now.

Hearing Ivan approaching, Till sat up and gave him an earful, “Why the hell did you invite me out so late?”

Ivan grabs Till’s hand and declares, “Run away with me.”

Ivan has never been one to beat around the bush.

Till just stood there, slowly processing what he was saying. “Are you crazy?”

“Probably. My dad is forcing me to move away, and my first instinct was to do this. I just…” Ivan’s grip on Till’s hand tightens, “I wouldn’t be able to see you again. Run away with me.”

Till’s expression is unreadable. Ivan has always been able to read him. He’s probably the most emotional person he’s ever met, so all it does is increase Ivan’s anxiety. Ivan’s only been scared a handful of times in his life, most was before he had met Till. At this moment, he’s never been more terrified.

Till squeezes back Ivan’s hand, which gives Ivan some form of unspoken confirmation. He can’t be sure, but he doesn’t care anymore. He pulls Till along with him—no destination—just trying to get as far away as possible.

Above them the sky is shades of reds, oranges, and yellows. A meteor shower. It was breathtaking, and Ivan would give anything to just sit and watch it with Till, but they really couldn’t afford to stop. 

Ivan looked behind him to check on Till, and saw something so much more beautiful than the meteors. Till was looking at the sky with the brightest smile Ivan had ever seen on him. He was entranced by the colors, and in genuine bliss. Ivan would give anything to tattoo the sight onto his brain. He never wanted to forget it.

They kept running, running away from everything they’ve ever known. Ivan was getting more hopeful. This might actually work, him and Till wouldn’t have to leave each other. Till wouldn’t be able to leave him. These thoughts were all he was focusing on when he felt the warmth enveloping his hand slip away.

Ivan stopped in his tracks. He didn’t want to look back. Is this it? Did Till leave me after all?

“I’m sorry…” Till musters under his breath.

Ivan works up the courage to look behind him, but the only thing he sees is Till’s retreating figure disappearing into the night as the bright colors in the sky fade away.

Of course. What was he expecting, anyway? Till loves Mizi. He could never leave her just like Ivan could never leave Till. Ivan knows this was a selfish decision. He knew Till wouldn’t agree to do something like this. And yet he did. He did if only for a second, and it gave Ivan some twisted ecstasy as if Till actually cared about him. It’s laughable, really. Ivan could never leave Till. But there’s nothing he can do.

—

Ivan had no choice but to return home. This time he didn’t care whether or not he was seen by someone, though he still wasn’t noticed by the time he reached his room.

He spent the next week packing, and by the end of it was time for him to leave Anakt. The day he’d been dreading had finally come. Ivan wanted nothing more than to just see Till one last time. He was still in denial about this being the last time he’ll ever see him. Perhaps he would find someone else one day who he loves like Till? He doubted it.

Ivan does the only thing he can at this point, and shuts down his thoughts. On the drive to his new home in the city, he completely turns off his emotions and stares out the window. Trying to empty his mind of what he can only assume is… sorrow .

Chapter Text

Ivan lies in his bed, staring at the ceiling. It’s 6:45 am. His father unfortunately convinced him to sign up for morning classes. He’d been awake for half an hour now, ruminating on the dread he feels over starting his first day of college. 

Even though today is a bit of a special case, this is pretty much routine for him. Getting out of his bed has got to be the worst part of Ivan’s day. He never has anything to look forward to—not since then. 

Even though he feels this way, he never fails to complete his tasks and what’s asked of him. There’s no use causing unnecessary issues.

Ivan’s alarm goes off. It’s now 7:00 am. He decided he actually needs to start his day, so he got up. He threw on his favorite green hoodie and black overcoat, slung his bag over his shoulder, and left the comfort of his room. 

He stepped down the winding stairs of the house, down to the lobby. Seriously, he’s so rich his house has a freaking lobby. He headed for the front door, but stopped as he gripped the handle. He supposed he should grab something to eat, even though he hates eating in the mornings. Just something to help him last through the day.

He turned back around and made his way toward the back of the house. As he made his way down the hall he sighed under his breath. This house is way too big for two people. But alas, that’s just like his father. Always has to get the largest size in everything to make up for his little ego. His father would never admit how fragile he really was, but Ivan had always seen right through him.

As he entered the kitchen, he found the head housemaid cooking up his father’s favorite omelet. 

“Dad’s favorite? What’s the occasion?” Ivan gestured toward the stove.

“Not sure. All I know is this is what I was requested to make.” She responded without so much as a glance in his direction.

“Mn. I’m sure I’ll find out later.”

It was just like her to give him the cold shoulder, so he just moved past her and opened the pantry. He didn’t take offense to it, if anything Ivan and her were similar–she just doesn’t put on any facades. If he never had to talk to anyone ever again he’d actually be able to enjoy his life, if only a little.

He shifted around some things searching for anything sweet. If he was gonna eat anything it might as well be a donut or something. He opened up a pink box that he discovered has exactly that: donuts. He took a chocolate one and stuffed it in his mouth before closing the pantry and once again working his way to the front.

He pulled open the large entrance doors, and pushed them closed behind him with a thud. There is no reason anyone should have doors this big. Not convenient in the slightest. He made his way out of the entrance and toward his new campus, taking bites of his donut as he walked.

—

Ivan stepped off the bus, and after only a bit of walking he arrived at the front of the school. He’s fairly early so it’s not as crowded as you would expect any campus to be on the first day.

Ivan entered the building and found a seat near his first class. He considered going to get a coffee, but decided against it just in case he doesn’t get back on time. Lines are usually long opening day. It’s a shame—his morning coffee might be the only thing he looks forward to anymore. He should have got up earlier, he supposed. For now, he’ll just patiently wait for class to start and do his best to stay awake. He really should have gotten later classes, but it’s not worth arguing with someone as impossibly stubborn as his father.

Ivan signed up as a fashion major. Not because he necessarily wanted to, but because his father said it would support his career in modeling if he also started his only clothing line. Ivan didn’t have any specific aspirations, so he just took his advice.

“Excuse me! I’m so sorry to bother you, but do you know where classroom 308 is?”

Ivan is pulled out of his thoughts by a girl shoving a schedule in his face.

“It’s with Ms. Park.”

Ivan lifted his gaze to a girl with pink hair smiling warmly at him.

At first, Ivan is stunned. He would know that pink hair anywhere. But he doesn’t believe it. He can’t believe it. He moved away years ago. He’s already accepted he would never see those three again. That girl’s not the only one in the world with pink hair, it’s definitely not her. Plus, she’s always worn glasses!

Ivan smiled back at this girl he’s definitely never met before, “Looks like you were heading in the right direction. It’s just down the hall to the right. I just so happen to have the same one.”

The girl stared at him as if he were an extra difficult math equation.

“Um… Is there something on my face?” Ivan asked, trying to hold his smile. But seriously, this girl is weird.

“Oh my god—Ivan!?” the girl suddenly exclaimed.

Ivan, in a very rare moment that he’s caught off guard, flinched back in his seat. There’s just no way she’d be here, and even if she was he surely wouldn’t be recognized. But she knows his name…

“Shit—you are Ivan, right? I’m so sorry for shouting like that!”

“You…” Ivan hesitated. “You’re actually Mizi?” He said it as more of a statement than a question. He’s trying to convince himself more than anything.

“Yes!” Mizi took Ivan’s hands in her own in her excitement. It seems she still held on to that habit from their childhood.

“This is seriously the last thing I expected coming to this school! To be honest, I just picked a random one that was near where Till wanted to move. Moving to the city has been his dream since forever! Of course, Sua went wherever I decided to go and here we are!” Mizi rambled.

Ivan had always been good at faking his expressions when he listened to other people continuously speak to him, but this time he was in too much shock to do so. His face remained completely expressionless as Mizi droned on about something Ivan wasn’t listening to. 

“Um, hello? Earth to Ivan?” Mizi waved a hand in front of his face.

“Does Till go here?” Ivan finally managed to come back to his senses, asking the one thing that had been on his mind as soon as he recognized Mizi.

“Oh, Till? Yeah he’s a music major! He has afternoon classes, though.” Suddenly, Mizi froze as  a large gasp escapes her as if she just saw the most shocking thing in her life, “Speaking of Till, he’s having a concert tonight and you should totally come with me, Ivan!”

“A concert?” Ivan repeated.

“Yeah! Till got involved with a few people online before moving here. He joined their band only recently but his first concert is tonight! He’s really excited and I’m sure it would be such a pleasant surprise if you guys reunited there!” Mizi beamed.

“Okay.” Ivan didn’t have time to think before the words had already come out of his mouth. He wanted to see Till again, but he’s still having a hard time accepting everything going on right now.

Ivan laced his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes, brow furrowed in contemplation. He could sense the worst headache of his life coming on.

He had made peace with the fact that he would never see these people again years ago. Well, maybe not peace. After all, Till still consumed his mind to this day. He just came to terms with how he’ll always be chasing the way he had made him feel.

Ivan still couldn’t put a finger on why he was so intrigued by Till. All he knew was that he gave him that excited feeling that made him want to be by his side every waking second. He wanted to cherish him, but he also wanted to ruin him. He couldn’t stand him, but he needed him. 

God, it’s not as if he hasn’t thought about all of this before but now what used to be the one thing that got him through the day, thinking about Till is making him want to jump off the campus rooftop.

Mizi released her hands and readjusted the bag on her shoulder. “Perfect! I’m so happy to see you again Ivan, we have to hang out, like, all the time from now on, okay?”

Ivan simply nodded. He had way too much on his mind to continue engaging in this hyperactive conversation. 

Overhead the bell rang, startling the reunited friends.

Ivan gave a thin smile, “Looks like we’re late for class.” He just wanted to get out of this situation as fast as possible.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry Ivan! Hurry, let's go!” She grabbed his wrist and pulled him toward their classroom. 

Her unpredictable action caught him off guard and he stumbled over himself, nearly running into the doorframe.

Mizi let go as they entered and shut the door behind them silently. Ivan didn’t know what she thought she would achieve there.

She turned back around and let out a sigh of relief. That breath was then sucked right back in as she locked eyes with their confused teacher staring at her.

She instantly bent down, bowing as respectfully as possible.

“I’m so sorry ma’am!”

The teacher just sighed and dismissed them, “It’s fine, this isn’t high school anymore. Find a seat, please.”

Ivan took a seat in the middle of the stands. He slipped his bag off and set it in front of him, taking out a notebook and a pen. He didn’t think he would need it, but it was always good to be prepared to take notes.

Much to his chagrin, Mizi plopped down in the seat to his left.

Don’t get him wrong, he likes her and he is happy to see her again, but he just needs his own time to process all this new information.

He held his head in his hand and shut his eyes. He wouldn’t miss anything too important if he took a nap on the first day, right?

Chapter Text

Ivan is startled awake being shook out of his seat.

“AH-“ He barely caught himself as he flung to the side.

“Ouch.” Ivan side eyed Mizi who was standing to his left with her hands over her mouth in shock.

“I'm so sorry! I swear I didn’t mean to do that!” Mizi reached out to help him up.

“You say that a lot.” Ivan took her hand and hoisted himself back into his seat.

“Yeah, I guess I do, huh? But I was trying to wake you, anyway! The bell rang and I could not get you to even open your eyes. You’re one heavy sleeper.” She snickered.

“My bad.” Ivan began packing his things back into his bag.

Mizi let him finish before speaking up again, “Soooooo, I was thinking… You should come and hang out with Sua and I while we wait for Till’s concert! It was originally just gonna be the two of us but this just saves us the trouble of meeting back up later, right?” She beamed at him.

Ivan thought back to middle school. Mizi and Sua were always attached at the hip, from the very moment Ivan helped them introduce each other. As they got older, they only grew closer and closer until Ivan couldn’t stand it anymore. 

He had originally thought him and Sua were the same. He thought that she was yearning for someone she knew she couldn’t have. But he couldn’t have been more wrong.

That’s why he had always envied Sua. Ivan knew it made Mizi unavailable to Till, but he also knew that wouldn’t magically make him want him. He was still stuck with these shallow emotions; consuming him; tearing him apart. He knew from the start he could never be with Till like Sua was with Mizi, but he couldn’t stop himself from being a little jealous. 

Ivan already knew what a day spent with those two would look like.

“Yeah… Thanks for the offer, but I’m not looking to third-wheel your guys’ date.” 

“Oh- Wait you knew!?” Mizi exclaimed.

Ivan just playfully rolled his eyes, “I’ve known since we were kids. You guys aren’t exactly subtle.” He shrugged his bag back over his shoulders, “I’ll see you later, Mizi.”

Ivan walked down the aisle toward the classroom door, fully intending to go home and most likely stare at the ceiling for hours on end.

“Wait!”

Just then, as Ivan set his hand on the door, it came flying open, causing him to jump back a couple feet in shock.

There, in place of the door, was none other than Sua. Of course, who else would it be?

She had a seemingly neutral expression, aside from her slightly widened eyes and tightness in her face muscles. Most wouldn’t notice this, but of course, Ivan was Ivan.

“Mizi? I heard a shout.” She rushed past him without so much as a glance.

“Oh, Sua!” Mizi instantly perked up as she wrapped her arms around her girlfriend. “I didn’t expect you to get here so fast!”

Sua returned the embrace, “The teacher let us out early.”

Ivan, figuring he could sneak out while Mizi is distracted, slipped out of the classroom.

He barely made it down the corridor before he felt a yank on his hood and he flew backwards, luckily managing to stay on his feet.

“Hey, don’t you know it’s rude to leave without even saying bye!?” Mizi declared sternly.

Sua followed close behind her, sipping some sort of juice from a straw. Where did she even get that?

Ivan sighed, “You really love throwing me around, huh? Seriously, when did you get so strong…”

“Ivan, if you come with us I swear it’ll be fun! It’s been so long and this makes things easier for everyone—so please?” Mizi clasped her hands together, pleading with him. “Sua wants you to go too! Right, Sua?” She grabbed Sua’s arm and looked at her expectantly.

“Huh? Oh, yeah sure, if that’s what Mizi wants.” Sua stared at him for a second before adding, “And it’s nice to see you again by the way.”

“Likewise.” Ivan nodded.

“So? You’ll go?” Mizi insisted again eagerly.

Ivan was getting tired of this. It’s not like she’s gonna give up anytime soon. She was always stubborn about things once she set her mind to it.

“I’ll go.” Ivan said, defeated.

“Yay!” Still holding Sua, Mizi interlocked her free arm with Ivan’s. “Let’s get going then!”

Ivan couldn’t do anything but let her drag him along.

—

Mizi lugged both Sua and Ivan all around town until something finally caught her eye.

“Oh, look guys! It’s some sort of event!” She strained her neck and stood on her tiptoes to try and get a better view of the event around the corner of the street. “Looks like there’s shops and food! That looks perfect, right?” Without waiting for an answer she took them straight into the bustling crowd. 

She took them around to all kinds of clothing stalls and food stalls, shoving their faces with anything she thought they’d like.

Sua seemed entirely used to it, while Ivan was struggling to keep up. Him and Mizi used to be close and he knew she’s always been high energy— he wished he was used to it too! 

After a few hours of Mizi and Sua running around the shops and Ivan painfully lagging right behind them, Ivan is almost entirely drained. The girls forced him to hold their bags, which he doesn’t really mind doing, but he didn’t know how much they were actually gonna get. Seriously, how can someone spend this much money on a casual day out?

The sun began to set, and Ivan stopped for a quick break. He stared at the pretty shades of pink, orange, and purple in the sky—and who would have thought—his mind drifted to thoughts of Till.

Ivan is still in disbelief that he’ll see Till today. Will it go horribly wrong? Will Till instantly be upset and curse him for even showing his face again? The last time they saw each other Ivan had tried to run away with him. His most selfish act. He’s sure Till resented him for that, how could he not?

He lowered his head and saw the girls at one of the food stalls. They’re both laughing and Sua’s face is flushed an embarrassed pink as if Mizi may have said something inappropriate. He watched them affectionately interact, a deep pit seeming to reopen within his heart. 

Don’t get him wrong, he’s happy for them! How could he not be seeing his friends love each other? He hasn't even seen Till yet, but he’s suddenly reminded of how well they have it together. They return each other’s tender feelings, something Ivan yearned for all those years by their side. It’s just bittersweet.

Mizi pointed at the sunset, getting Sua to turn her head toward the sky. Mizi took her face in her hands and kissed her.

How sweet. Ivan sighed and rested his head in one of his hands. When are we gonna leave?

Just then, the two girls come bounding up to him, Sua a flustered mess and Mizi in a rush.

“Ivan we’re late! We gotta go!” Mizi grabbed Ivan’s wrist and hoisted him up from the bench he was sitting on.

“Huh- Late for what?”

“Till’s performance, obviously! ” She weaved through the crowd, bringing him to the exit. “Sua and I lost track of time and nearly forgot about it, so we have to go now if we still want to watch him sing!”

Without giving Ivan a chance to respond she grabbed him and Sua and set off.

—

After being dragged down many winding streets and alleyways, Ivan seemingly arrived at a live house. If it were any other day, it would probably seem sketchy; no one would be around and if there were they might be mistaken as gang members.

But today, it was surrounded by people in stylish outfits and bright, vivid, colors shone from inside, painting the walls and sky outside with flashing lights. Anyone would be instantly captivated—Ivan was no exception.

It seemed the crowd was still waiting to get in. It must be a full audience. They were peeking through any crevice they could find, and Ivan could hear feedback from a microphone and someone singing. He couldn’t quite make it out though over all the people screaming around him.

Mizi squealed behind him, “Oh my god, It’s Till! I can barely hear him but he sounds so good I’m so proud of him!” She shook Sua and jumped in the air in her excitement.

Ivan listened closer. Was it him? He got closer, shoving his way through the crowd, ignoring the protests as he did so. He could hear a woman's voice but he also heard a voice he could never mistake.

It had to be him. It had to be Till!  

He shoved himself all the way to the front of the crowd, and there he was. He was wearing an open collar black, baggy t-shirt with ripped blue jeans and a skull necklace. Just how he always imagined Till would dress. Ivan was stupefied. Frozen where he stood. His mouth hung agape as he stared at Till, his one and only sorrow, his person, in awe . He was beautiful. That was all that was going through Ivan’s mind. He was singing with the same fiery passion he always remembered him having. Just another thing that he loved about him.

His love swallowed him whole. Everything he ever believed was instantly replaced by how perfectly imperfect this man before him was. He was everything Ivan could want. He needed Till more than he needed the air in his lungs, which was nearly what happened when he stopped breathing in his pure adoration. 

He managed to catch his breath as the song began coming to a close, and on that last verse his eyes locked with Till’s. The first time in years. He never thought he’d look into those intense eyes that left him with chills down his spine, in the best way possible, ever again. He couldn’t tell what Till was thinking at that moment their eyes met, but he knew he needed to go to him now.  

It was that day that Ivan decided that he would never leave Till’s side again. Whether he wanted him or not. He knew it was selfish, but he didn't care anymore.