Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Siffrin woke up in the meadow one more time, one more blinding time. They weren’t supposed to be here now! The Head Housemaiden was supposed to have the blinding answer! She knows Wishcraft! She KNOWS that something is wrong! Why can’t she just FIX IT?!!

Siffrin could breathe in just fine, but breathing out was another issue entirely. He breathed in the same air, the exact same air as it was every time, the same particles, the same wind, until it filled his entire body, his head feeling stuffed and screamed with strain, his limbs numb as he desperately tried to calm down. Finally they breathed out, but then came another breath in and the process started all over again, again, again. The Housemaiden was coming soon, she was coming any moment now, the Housemaiden would be here, they would have to pull themself together, the Housemaiden was coming, the Housemaiden, Housemaiden…

The… Housemaiden?

No. He knew the Housemaiden. He knew her. She was sweet, kind, anxious, dorkish. She was their ally, their family. She had wild hair, the kind of hair he knew how to tidy- how did he know–? no, not now, not now, they couldn’t take thinking about that too now- the kind of hair that bounced excessively when she made sudden movements, wrapped in a pretty bow, so fitting her, her entire being fit her name so much but they couldn’t for the life of them remember her bliNDING NAME WHAT’S HER NAME HE NEEDED TO KNOW HER NAME-

“Siffrin?”

(Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no ohn o oh n oohno oh no oh nono ohnononono–)

“S-siffrin? Ah! Are- are you okay???”

(I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t Ica n’t Ica n’tIcan’tIcan’tIcan’ticanticanticanticantICANT-)

“SIFFRIN!!”

The Housemaiden was shaking him ferociously but he couldn’t snap out of it, he couldn’t remember her name, he didn’t know what to do, he couldn’t do anything at all when he couldn’t BLINDING BREATHE-

The world faded from Siffrin’s eyes.

When they awoke, they weren’t in the meadow. They were lying on something soft, protected from the weather, protected from sound, from light. He could breathe out. For a blissful moment, he wasn’t aware of anything; he didn’t remember anything about where he was and what was happening, but wasn’t interested in finding out. Then it hit them again, inevitably, the Wishcraft, the timeloop, the head Housemaiden, HIS Housemaiden, he bolted upright and-

They were immediately met with one of Odile’s softer stern looks. Odile! They remembered the name Odile! It just came to him! They couldn’t help but laugh out loud, a pained, short laugh that startled Odile and looked to worry her more. “Siffrin. You fainted. What happened to you?”

Siffrin almost burst out laughing again, from the not at all funny thought that “boy, that’s a long story!” which might have made him cry if he wasn’t so unable to cry for whatever reason he couldn’t discern and couldn’t think about because what was even wrong with them, there was so much wrong how could they ever focus on one thing at a time, they couldn’t, it-

“Siffrin. Look at me.”

Odile snapped them out of it. They looked at Odile. She was good at hiding her emotions, her intentions, but he could see the worry set deep in the grooves of her face, in the intensity of her eyes. But soon they felt their gaze slide away from her face again, and he noticed none of his other family members was in the room.

“Where is everyone?” he asked.

“Bonnieface is cooking food, and Isabeau is helping Mirabelle pick out and carry provisions. Why it is a two person job I couldn’t tell you, but I can tell you that they were freaking out too much to handle staying here. They are fine. Their only ailment is caring about you too much. I imagined you could use some calm right about now, and a feelings-talk, which I am only adequate at best at, but right now I think I am the most level-headed for the job. So.” she sighed, as if to signal that she was serious this time, as if she hadn’t been before. “To reiterate: What happened, Siffrin?”

Siffrin was relieved, for a bit. Mirabelle. Mirabelle was her name, of course it was, it fit her so well. And of course there was Bonnie and Isabeau, he had been so focused on Mirabelle’s name he hadn’t even gotten to theirs. But at the question of “What happened”, this time, Siffrin couldn’t even bring himself to laugh. It all came back to him at a comet hurtling speed, the bad memories, the deaths, the failures. He had made his family worry, he had veered totally off script. He had failed, he had failed, he had failed this loop and he needed to-

The smell of burnt sugar spread into the room and Siffrin was going to-

“Siffrin, what is Wishcraft?”

Everything stopped. Siffrin froze. What did she say?

“How did you hear about Wishcraft?”

She raised her eyebrow. “I’ll tell you if you tell me what it is.”

Did she know something? Odile had a lot of information. Did she know what might have happened to him? How to fix it all? They had to know, they needed it. This could be how they solved the time loops. And he was already way off script, right? A bit more off wouldn’t hurt, right? He had to make this loop count after all! He could just loop back if something totally awful happened!! Hahah that’s what the power is for after all!!

So he would try.

They eyed her with caution, not sure how to best explain, as he hadn’t tried to before. Not to her, anyhow.

“Wishcraft… it’s kind of in the name. It’s craft but for making wishes come true. It’s not guaranteed to work, all the time. You need to both have a strong intention and do the correct rituals, and even then it’s not guaranteed. You can make both small and big wishes, but the bigger the wishes, the bigger the rituals and intense the intentions have to be.”

“So, for example. Could wishing to the Favor Tree be Wishcraft? With the clapping being the ritual?”

Siffrin was confused.

“The clapping? You don’t clap in the ritual for the Favor Tree.”

They didn’t know how they knew, but they could feel it in their whole being that they were right. To clap felt preposterous, even blasphemic somehow.

Odile’s eyes widened. “You do not? That is how Mirabelle taught me.”

“Wait. What? But that’s not. Right?”

Odile didn’t seem to not believe Siffrin, but adopted an air of mild sceptisism, which was unclear if it was supposed to be directed at him. She tended to have that air usually, so it could very well mean nothing, but Siffrin felt extra vulnerable right about now and was very concerned it was exactly him it was aimed at. “I-I’m not lying! That’s not how you do it!”

“Then how do you do it?”

Siffrin was suddenly anxious to prove their innocence. “You find the leaf you like the most to create a connection between you and what you’re wishing to, and then then you blow your wish into it! After that you just repeat the wish in your mind a couple of times, maybe three, seven, nine, twelve also works, I think… I mean, that all just! Makes sense! Right!?”

Odile was intrigued, and it showed. “You tell me,” she said, “I’m not familiar.”

“Huh. I thought that was just. A thing people knew.”

Odile was lost in thought for a moment, and might have been about to say something else, but Siffrin remembered what they were supposed to get in return.

“So… How did you you know about Wishcraft?”

Odile went right back to being concerned as soon as he asked. “Oh. Well you were mumbling in your sleep about it. Something about Wishcraft, the head housemaiden and… that you were trapped? It seemed like a terrible nightmare.”

Siffrin sighed. Of course. Once again, unconciousness had betrayed them, every waking and sleeping moment was scrutinized and it had to be controlled so he didn’t make them worry, precisely like he was doing now. His hands tightened on the bedsheets and his knuckles darkened considerably from the strain.

“It was nothing. You don’t need to worry about it.” He already felt bad for deviating from every kind of script he had built himself over the course of all these loops, but he just wanted to be selfish for a little bit, just for this loop, experience something new, just for this loop, then he would go back and start it all over and do it all over again and do…

(What, exactly?)

…

He didn’t know what to do.

He didn’t… know…

-

Odile just stared at him sceptically again. She knew they were hiding something, there was no way in any of the realms of the Expressions that she did not need to worry. Yet, she suspected it was going to be very hard to get this out of him. So she decided she needed to be slow about it.

“Siffrin.”

He looked up, lost and in a daze. Oh dear, she just thought. She needed to do something about the state he was in, so she reached for the first thing that came to mind, what her father always used to tell her to do.

“Would you accompany me on a walk for a bit?”

-

Before they left, Odile had let Bonnie know they were probably going to be late for dinner and to go ahead and eat without them. While Bonnie was busy pouting because it was “bad dinner manners” to be late, Odile looked over the dishes they were preparing. She eyed them suspiciously but didn’t find what she was looking for, so she asked Bonnie instead. “Bonnie, were you making something with sugar just now?”

Bonnie looked insulted. “No? I finished the pastries yesterday, dummy! You saw!”

Hm. Strange, she thought.

“So, you didn’t burn any sugar?”

“I just said I wasn’t making pastries!! And if I was, I wouldn’t crabbing burn it!! I’m a master cooker, I know sugar!” The child was clearly proud of themself for attaining such an impressive title.

“Chef,” Odile corrected.

“I’m a Chef Cooker!!” they proclaimed even more boldly.

Odile abandoned that line of questioning, but for some reason she couldn’t let the odd burning smell go. She made a mental note to think about it later, deciding that she and Siffrin needed to get going before Mirabelle and Isabeau came home with all their pent up anxiety.

They walked out of Dormont, away from all the people. Odile suspected it would benefit them both to have peace and quiet. By the Expressions, her knee did not agree with the terrain, but her knee was not at the top of Odile’s list for “things to care an above average amount about” right then. Item number one on that list was currently walking beside her, having agreed in a sort of absent minded manner that clearly confirmed her suspicions that he was at the edge of some sort of issue, and that she needed to figure out what that was before they fell off the edge of that issue into a bottomless pit. Perhaps a tad bit dramatic of an analogy, and yet it did indeed seem that serious.

She soon found a quiet field of grass encircled by tall trees, making it feel seperate from the rest of the world. Behind her Siffrin was mindlessly letting their eyes drift accross the trees, still silent as they had been throughout the entire walk. Odile turned around and gestured for Siffrin to sit, as she herself also sat down. He didn’t seem to snap out of his state, just sat down so automatically that it seemed to be pure muscle memory.

She stared at him, waiting for him to feel ready to say something, anything. They were looking at her, too, though it again seemed more like they were looking through her, like they weren’t really there. Odile wanted to say something but didn’t know… what, just yet. Luckily, she didn’t have to.

“Aren’t you going to read it?”

That was not at all what Odile had thought he was going to say. She was baffled, but not as baffled as Siffrin was when he suddenly focused on her, looking surprised, as if he expected a response that was, in his apparent opinion, obvious. Odile usually grasped the obvious quite well and was almost insulted by the look, but recognized that was incredibly silly and shook the feeling off, though the confusion remained.

“Read what, Siffrin?”

“The… Paperasse Family Tale?”

What? she thought. “I… don’t have that?”

Siffrins expression shifted to one of worry. “Did I… manage to forget it on the counter of the Boulanger? I’m sorry Odile, we can go back, I-”

“No, Siffrin,” Odile cut them off, fearing a new spiral. “We… don’t need to go back right now,”She finished, deciding to think before asking anything else. Now she even feared a spiral of her own. How in the world did Siffrin know she was looking for a family tale? Had she been that obvious when looking previously? She didn’t think so, there hadn’t been any sign of curiosity on that front from anyone, aside from the fact that Isabeau was dead set on discovering what she was “researching”. In no way did she remember telling anyone else what she was looking for. But Siffrin seemed so sure. Like she had told them. So she decided to hide her question of how he had discovered it under an assumption.

“Siffrin, I have a question.”

They were fully paying attention now. “O-okay, Odile?”

“It might sound… a little silly.”

“Th-that’s fine! Uh, what is it?”

“Well, when I told you about the family tale…” she started, waiting for a reaction, but it didn’t come. Siffrin was waiting for her to continue. Odd, she thought, when in the world would I have told him that? With that question in mind, she came up with an end to her question for Siffrin. “Was I doing anything important at the time? I feel like I was, and it might just be me… getting old,” how she loathed saying it in this embarrassing way, like she was making excuses, “But I can’t remember it. Do you?”

Again, Siffrin’s face was one of surprise, but nothing about the question seemed to make him suspicious of her at all. It seemed like he took it all at face value.

“Well, shopping for ingredients for the trip tomorrow is important, I suppose? Bonnie would get mad if they didn’t have anything to cook with, and we probably shouldn’t… starve… in the House… but I just assumed you would get to that later? After you read the book for a bit… but I suppose, since I forgot it, you… can’t…”

“You know, Siffrin? This, sitting here and talking with you, that is what I would like to do right now. I’ll get the book back later, from… the Boulanger?”

“Oh. Okay? Are you sure? I know that book is important to you, so…”

Had she really told them? Did she really forget? Though it is very hard to trust one’s memory, she just knew she did not tell them this. He didn’t even come to see her when she was gathering supplies at the shop: Mirabelle had come rushing in to tell her that something was wrong with them, and Odile had (painfully) attempted to run as fast as she could to the meadow after that. Odile was so sure she hadn’t told anyone. But yet, he knew.

A thought ocurred. A ridiculous one, one she did not have enough evidence to even articulate. But it was there, and it wouldn’t leave her mind. What if Siffrin had heard this information from her, at the store, and even found the book for her. Just not… with her, specifically? Well, that sounded insane. Nevertheless, she would have to check if the Boulanger actually had the book, and if he did, she would ask him if he had seen Siffrin. Just to be sure.

-

Siffrin wasn’t sure what was happening. How could they have forgotten Odile’s book on the counter?

…

But… wouldn’t Odile have taken the book with her if he did? It was important to her, after all. Why didn’t she? He honestly couldn’t remember, couldn’t even remember going there this loop, but they were in this field after all, so they must have. Just another memory lost to their subconcious.

The script was so different now, they didn’t know what to say at all. He almost wanted to cry, the relief of a new conversation was so overwhelming. He hadn’t fully realized it before, but he didn’t even think of the characters in his life as… real, anymore. It felt awful to admit. But now… she was alive. They felt alive. Invigorating was probably the word for how it felt, but they still… didn’t know what to do.

“So. Since you helped me earlier by finding that book I’ve been looking, well… a great deal of my life now, I think it’s only fitting that I help you back.”

“Oh, no I don’t need h-”

“I insist.” It was almost a threat, albeit a friendly one.

What could Odile help him with? Well. To be frank, probably… everything? Odile knew a ton of things. And he wasn’t sure how much more he could figure out himself. But he couldn’t worry her too much, of course, not when he was already being selfish by even having this off-script conversation. So. Something small, then.

“I… keep bumping into the counter with my hip, and it’s such a small, stupid thing, but it’s driving me insane. The space between the wall and the counter itself is so blindingly small.” Siffrin felt himself getting… angry? And he didn’t even tried to stop it anymore, he didn’t have the energy to, and there was no way this specific issue would make Odile worry about them, so he let himself get lost in the anger now. “And it’s not like I can avoid the counter completely! Or, I mean, I have, but when I’m on the first floor I do need to go in there, and I just!! Can’t stop hitting it even when I focus on not doing it! I forget, or I just plain misjudge the distance!! Of that stupid, blinding counter and that stupid blinding wall!!” Stars, it felt good to say something true. He might have gone a little overboard, but it would be fine, and if it wasn’t it would be fine anyway!! But, just to make sure:

“Haha, I guess you can’t help me in restoring my depth vision, though, right?” He finished lightheartedly.

-

Odile had stopped listening. He mentioned the counter on the first floor. No building in their near vicinity had a second floor they could access (which she appreciated), except for one. The House. And he had mentioned hitting it multiple times. Too many, she even suspected, because of his extreme frustration, though she didn’t expect hitting their hip on the counter to fully being the reason for that. It all seemed… excessive. He brought up the first floor as if it was just a room in the clocktower, just simply naming the place without placing any significance into its location. Like he had been there. Been there… too many times.

And then, he knew about the book. He claimed he’d met her in the store. Which she had been at that day, without seeing him. Had he… experienced this day before, in some way? And tomorrow, too, then? She thought back to earlier that day, when she had found them almost delirious, muttering about Wishcraft. About the Head Housemaiden. About being trapped. Were they trapped? She had to ask, she couldn’t not ask, but what if he freaked out again? She didn’t know how to calm him down again. And she didn’t… fully believe herself yet. It seemed so far-fetched, still.

She needed to go to the Boulangerie so she could prove, or hopefully disprove, this preposterous theory. Everything felt awfully complicated, and though it’s true she enjoyed solving complicated things, the unstable emotions of the group’s funnyjokesperson were not something she was happy to add to that equation. She would be gentle with Siffrin for now, as a precaution for avoiding another stressful incident. So instead of juming the gun, she would… try to help.

“I… understand how frustrating it can be to do something over and over and trying to stop making it happen,” She said in reference to bumping into the counter, though the double meaning was not lost on her, leaving her wondering if or how Siffrin was trying to stop “it” from happening,“but I’m glad you told me. Though it is true I cannot fix your vision. ” She begrudgingly admitted. “Or, I might be able to, using bodycraft, but as I truly am no expert in that field, I would sooner cut off my own finger than trying that and accidentally killing you. So.” She sighed. “Anyway. Thank you for telling me. I’ll try to look out for that counter in the future and warn you of it in advance.”

-

Siffrin, for the first time in a long time, smiled a real smile. He knew she was talking about the counter, but it was truly nice to hear someone acknowledge that he was justified in feeling like he was in the face of the time loops. Maybe… maybe it truly wouldn’t hurt to talk to just Odile about it? She didn’t seem affected by his emotions! And again, she knows a whole lot!

“Odile. I- I need to tell you something.”

“But I know you’re going to hate me-”

(She’s going to hate me she’s going to hate me shes go ing t o ha te m e sh esg oin gt o H A T E M E -)

Again they tried to focus on their breathing, which had become erratic, but again they couldn’t keep it under control.

(go back go back go back go back gO BACK GO BACK G O B A C K-)

But they didn’t want to! They felt alive. here, now, they could stay in this moment a bit longer!

-

A sickkly sweet sugary smell filled the air and it frightened Odile as it slowly turned more and more burnt. She watched Siffrin hyperventilate in horror, she knew she had to do something, so she did the first thing she could think of and-

-

There was a loud noise, like a rubber band snapping back after being held in tension. Siffrin’s breathing slowed as he cupped his cheek in realization of what had just happened, painfully brought back into reality. He stared up into the eyes of the woman who had slapped him, and was met with a face full of resolve, but also worry, as she stared straight back. But although their cheek hurt, they much preferred that pain over the state they were in just a few seconds earlier. They were a bit thankful, though it was hard to feel that over the sadness that currently covered them.

-

“I’m sorry,” she told him. Odile didn’t like slapping Siffrin, as if that needed to be said. “I had to. I hope you feel… a little better.”

Siffrin, still in the same weird post-slap state, nodded. Odile sighed, and continued, having decided her next course of action to prove or disprove her theory.

“You should tell me later Siffrin. What you were just about to say. I think you need some food first. It’s getting pretty late.”

-

Siffrin couldn’t stomach a samosa tonight. They were so hungry, their stomach was screaming, their whole body felt like it was falling in on itself like a black hole, but he couldn’t for a second entertain the thought of eating the same food anymore. It is a slow torture, to have to eat something that does not fill you while the cook is watching for your approval.

-

Odile did not know what he was thinking, but he looked almost as pale as his hat at the mention of food. No matter if her strange Siffrin-has-lived-this-day-before theory was true or not, Siffrin was obviously sick with something and could probably not stomach some foods, so some menu changes had to be made.

“I think I could get Bonnie to make you a special portion of soup, since you’re not feeling well.”

-

Immediately, Siffrin’s eyes brightened up. Now they felt actual tears pressing up against their eyes, and he was so tired he couldn’t stop them from falling. Half out of attempting to hide it and half out of genuine joy and relief, they nodded furiously to convey that they really wanted her to do that. Next thing he knew, she had hoisted him up and helped guide him back towards the clocktower.

-

Bonnie was known to drive a hard bargain when it came to cooking. Their menu was steadfast as a result of meticulous planning on their part, something Odile found to be especially admirable of the child. But it did worry her as she was about to suggest something as blasphemic as a menu change this late in an already turbulent day. She steeled herself as she approached Bonnie, and found it slightly pathetic that she had to, but the child’s emotions really could harrow her sometimes.

“Bonnieface. I have a request for tonight’s dinner. ”

Bonnie stopped chopping the heap of potatoes they had in front of them and turned around to face her, looking suspicous of whatever was to come next.

“What do you want, Dile?” They said it with a slight defiance, like she was the mafia come to collect her debt and they were a resilient forefront figure from the mafia resistance. No doubt the poor kid was still just rattled by the day’s events.

“It’s for Siffrin.” At the mention of the rogue, Bonnie both tensed and looked fearful. Odile wondered at the reaction. It was probably Siffrin’s fragile state that warranted the worry she also saw in their eyes, but Odile had noticed that something had been going on between them for a while now, like they had been estranged somehow.

“I think, If you’ll allow it,” Odile continued, “That he would benefit from a bowl of warm soup, since he is sick. Preferably a spicy one, for his immune system, but you are in charge of that part. Would that be alright?”

Bonnie was silent, avoiding the question by looking down to the side. After a few seconds of what she considered to be way too intensive thinking for a child to be doing, they looked up.

“Is Frin really sick?” they asked quietly.

Hm. Freaking out a child was not her preferred course of action. However, she did not want to lie, both on principle and also because she knew that Bonnie could handle themself reasonably well. So, she would try her best to align her answer between a lie and a truth.

“Siffrin is quite sick, yes, but they have every opportunity to make a full recovery quickly if we just try to take care of them a little bit extra. And since we are so close to fighting the King, we need to try and make them better as soon as possible. That means we should let him sleep a little extra, not do a lot of tiring activites, and being careful with what we give him to eat. And if we do that, I promise: he will be fine.” She would make sure he would be.

“Hmf… I guess… if it would help Frin be fast and happy and strong again…” Bonnie started slowly, before seemingly deciding on something, and looked straight up at Odile with a determined smile on their face. “THEN I’LL MAKE THE MOST SICK-CURING SOUP EVER!! THE SPICIEST!! FOR THE EMUNE SYSTEM!!” they declared wholeheartedly.

Odile laughed and ruffled their hand through their already messy hair. “That’s the spirit,” she said. “Then I’ll leave you to it, Master Chef Cooker.”

As Bonnie turned around to start the new dish with their usual extremely high energy, Odile watched them for a few seconds, truly grateful for their existence, before she also turned and left the clocktower.

-

Odile couldn’t keep herself from walking as fast as she could toward the Boulanger, and her knee predictably hated her with a passion for it. She illicited a few curious looks from the surrounding villagers as she sped past, but her sole focus was on the door she was about to enter. When she reached it, she almost threw it open, but caught it before it slammed into the wall. This startled the boulanger and his daughter thoroughly, the latter of which quickly hid behind her father. There was an awkward silence for a couple of seconds before Odile, also startled by her overzealous strength, broke it with a regretful “Sorry.”

“What can I help you with, lady?” The boulanger offered, clearly still a bit apprehensive though he seemed to recognize this old, out of breath woman did not really pose a great threat to them.

“I’m… glad you asked. Thank you. Again, sorry. I’m just a bit… worked up, right now.”

She took a deep breath and steadied herself, before she approached the counter. The daughter poked her head out from behind her father and also seemed to calm down a bit, slowly switching her fear for curiosity as she studied Odile.

“I was wondering if you had something called a family tale? The Paperasse Family Tale, maybe?”

The Boulanger was surprised. “Yes, we do- Or, I mean, we did, I guess. How did you know that?”

She was so thrown by the sudden shattering of her world as she knew it that she almost didn’t answer. “… A friend told me. Siffrin? Has he been here?”

“Is that one of the saviours? I’m fairly certain they haven’t?”

There was no way, no way in all the realms of the expressions that Siffrin could have known all of this from before they arrived, known to ask these specific people if they had this specific family tale (she had already been in the library to ask, she knew they didn’t have one or any record of one in their village library), then manage to be forgotten by the same people all within a day. Yet Siffrin still knew of the location and her desire for that specific book. Her theory had to be correct. They knew too much, more than was possible. They had lived this day before. It seemed they had even lived tomorrow before. Had they fought the king? Had they won? Had they...

Died?

...

She had to do something. His breakdown that morning had to at least in part have been from going through at least these two days so many times. He didn’t even remember that he hadn’t taken her to the Boulanger.

It all seemed so improbable, almost fantastical. So out of her hands to do anything about. And she was going to ask him about it, though she had the sinking feeling that he might not be able to tell her if she did, and she couldn’t risk that right now. She needed to make sure she remembered this information. If it was causing him such intense misery she could not imagine that he repeated these days on purpose, and he did say he was trapped. Maybe he doesn’t even know why it happens? Maybe he doesn’t even know when it will happen? If whatever made Siffrin repeat these days actually happened now, she would lose all the progress she made. She wouldn’t be able to help him at all.

So she decided to try the one thing that touched on the fantastical and improbable.

She ran out of the store, leaving the bewildered baker and his daughter to question the sanity of the hands in which their country’s fate laid, while she set her sights on the Favour Tree.

-

After having evaded eye contact with every villager that looked her way once again, she at last stood alone in front of the Favor Tree. She felt foolish as she stepped closer to examine the leaves, trying to find the one that resonated with her the most, whatever that meant. While she was looking she could have sworn she saw something shimmering between the leaves, but as soon as she tried to look closer, there was no trace of it.

A few seconds later, a special leaf caught her eye. It had browned ever so slightly despite Vaugard being nowhere near autumn just yet, and it was barely hanging onto its branch. Before it could finally succumb to gravity and fall to the ground, she plucked it off of its branch and studied it closer. It had rather a crooked, but pointed shape, and its lines were intricate, and frankly, beautiful. She decided that it would do nicely.

Here goes nothing, she thought. She knew it was stupid, the idea that a simple wish could do anything at all felt wrong deep in her bones. Nevertheless, she gently closed her hands around the leaf and thought of her wish.

I wish I could help Siffrin.

She breathed it into the leaf, and repeated it 12 times for good measure. Then, she opened her hands, and by some incredible coincidence, the otherwise wind-still day brought forth a gust of wind that took her leaf, and her wish with it, away over the treetops.

“It’s done,” She said to no one in particular, “And now I just have to hope that the world is on my side.”

Now it was time for Siffrin to talk.

-

She was back in time for dinner. The day had gone faster than her days usually did for her, so it took her by surprise when the sun disappeared beyond the horizon just as she stood in front of the clocktower’s doors. Walking into the dining room, she could see that Siffrin had, in fact, been served a bowl of soup. Siffrin themself stared intently at it, like he truly could not wait for dinner to begin.

…

How many times had Siffrin had samosas now? How long had it been since he had had a bowl of soup?

They were childish questions, but just thinking about it made her so unbelievably angry. Yes, that’s what she was. Angry. Who wouldn’t be, when their friend was essientially being tortured? Right in front of her, this whole time? This whole time, where she hadn’t been able to do anything about it at all? She hated it, wanted to rip something apart just thinking about it. But then Bonnie noticed she had come inside and yelled out her name, and the rest of her friends looked up and smiled and she…

She was so glad she was with them. She couldn’t even remember a time where she had been as happy as she had been the past few days, just spending time with her friends.

But the word “friends” didn’t really sit right with her. She couldn’t be “friends” with a child, that felt silly. And the feelings she had for all of them seemeed much too complex and… defensive, to encapsulate under “friendship”. No, they had to be something more.

…

Family.

She joined her family at the table, and dinner officially began. As she watched Siffrin happily eating their soup, she was surprised to find that Bonnie’s samosas had never tasted as good as they did in that moment. Isabeau was teasing Mirabel for using a fork and a knife when they could just as easily be consumed by way of using their hands. Bonnie was excitedly studying Siffrin’s overjoyed state as he slurped down his soup, completely unaware that he was being watched. And Odile felt that this moment, of all moments, had to be the most perfect one yet.

Except for the fact that Siffrin was actively being tortured.

The happiness drained from her as soon as she remembered. She couldn’t sit still here, anymore. She would stop this now.

Odile stood up, which caught the attention of everyone at the table including Siffrin, who seemed almost violently surprised.

“Everyone,” she started, “I would just like to say something.” Now it was Mirabel’s turn to look surprised, though Bonnie and Isabeau weren’t far behind on that emotion either.

“As you all know, I am not the best at talking about feelings among us. But I want to be better. So I am telling you now that…”

She exhaled deeply and continued.

“I am… thankful. For all of you.”

“To be almost more honest than I would like to, I don’t know what would have become of my life if I had not met all of you. I believe… no, it certainly would not be as great.” Oh god, she sounded desperate, didn’t she. But maybe… maybe she truly was. They had truly all made her feel whole, her life complete.

“I want to make your burdens my burdens. I want to face everything with you all, protect you all. Honestly, I would do anything to keep you safe.” She chuckled, before muttering to herself,“Truly unspeakable things, really.”

All of her family members smiled warmly (Bonnie especially, who was so invested in the speech that they didn’t even think to pretend they were tough and cool right then), except for one. Siffrin looked… sad. They wouldn’t take their eyes off of her. Like she was telling him the world was about to end.

“So, really, I just wanted you all to know that I think of you as… my family.”

There was short, tense silence in which Odile thoroughly regretted everything she had ever done in her entire life, which was promptly interrupted by Bonnie yelling “Dile!! You big softie!!” immediately followed by Mirabel’s squealing and Isabeau’s laughter. “Aw, Odile, I never knew! But as we’re having share-truth time right now, I feel the same way!” He grinned very wide and did a thumbs up, like he was evaluating someone’s cool artwork. “AAAHH THAT’S!! SO!! CUUUTE!!!” Mirabel managed to get out between her squeals. Her hands were clasped together so tightly and her eyes were as wide as plates, lit up with joy. Odile couldn’t help but smile a little wider than usual. Then she looked over at Siffrin. She… couldn’t read the look on their face. It worried her. She didn’t know what in the world could have set off such an unclear reaction from them. She couldn’t take not knowing anymore, wished she could just ask him outright in front of all of them, but she knew that wouldn’t go well. But she would get the answer out of him now.

“Siffrin. Come with me please.”

She stood up and gently yanked the startled Siffrin out of his chair, taking them into the family bedroom. After leading him to sit down on the bed she went back to close the door, and sat down on the bed across from him.

They didn’t say a thing, just stared at her silently. Again, she would have to break the silence.

“Do you feel better after eating the soup?”

He opened his mouth to answer, but no sound came out, so he resorted to nodding.

“Good,” she said. “So. Would you mind telling me what you were going to, earlier?”

-

They could. They could just loop back if it didn’t go well. They were doomed to do so, so why not get some use out of the ability?? Why not do SOMETHING else that might help?? After all the dead ends he had had…

But they would still be burdening her. Wonderful, smart, kind Odile, who saw him as… family. Like they did her, and all of them. Maybe…

Maybe you could ask stuff from family that you can’t from friends?

Maybe he really could say it?

He was about to do it earlier, even!! He just had to try doing it again!!

Yes. They would try.

(Just this once. I will tell her.)

-

“Odile,” Siffrin suddenly said after being lost in their own thoughts for a long time. She had spent that time figuring out the best way to coax them into finally telling her, but…

“For a while now, I…”

That didn’t seem to be necessary after all.

Siffrin sighed deeply. They looked like they were about to cry, like pressure was trapped inside his skull and they couldn’t let it go. But then something shifted inside them, and they suddenly could.

“I’ve been in a time loop.”

She knew that already, she had been over that possibility in her head so many times until she accepted it as fact, but to hear it coming from Siffrin made her take in the information all over again. It was madness, absolutely and totally ludicrous. And yet it was true.

All of the emotions she was feeling spilled onto her face, more muted than the intensity of them she actually felt, but visible enough that Siffrin freaked out. They started hyperventilating while clawing at their own chest, trying to make it stop, while simultaneously trying to deescalate the situation verbally.

“I’m- Fine- I just- It’s-”

He couldn’t, he couldn’t this wasn’t working, it wASN’T WORKING-

(She must hate me she must hate me hate me hate me hate me-)

(I trapped her here- I trapped all of them here- For some reason I can’t. stop. hurting them!!)

(Why did I think this would help??? She can’t do anything about it, this is my problem!! She shouldn’t have to clean up my mess!!!)

(I can’t do this I can’t do this I ca n’t do t his I c an’t d o t h i s-)

The smell of burnt sugar filled the room, so quickly and strongly that Odile felt her insides burn. And for a second, the terrified Siffrin was staring into the frightened Odile’s eyes while she desperately tried to shake him out of the state he was in, and the next second after that…

There was nothing.

No sound, no light, no feeling.

No thoughts.

Nothing.

And then-

-

When she opened her eyes again, she was inexplicably standing in the general shop, holding a slightly crumpled shopping list in her hand. She so clearly remembered it being evening, and talking to Siffrin, and…

This couldn’t have been a dream. Her wish must have actually worked.

She remembered everything.

And now, she had to go and find Siffrin again.

Odile beat Mirabel to it. Mirabel was on her way to wake Siffrin up (confirming once and for all that the day really had started over), but Odile managed to convince her to let her do it, saying she was planning a “surprise” of all things. Mirabel was suspicious, obviously, but also amused and intrigued. Even if she didn’t believe her, she at least understood that she really wanted to do it, so she went back to her bench to sort papers as Odile pressed onwards.

Siffrin was still lying in the grass when she entered the meadow. He didn’t look at her, probably didn’t even register that she was there before she stood right above him, blocking the shade from the sun.

“Hello, Siffrin.” she said.

Their eyes widened, and focused on her face. “O- Odile?”

He sat up too quickly and almost fell to the side but caught himself with his arms. “What… are you doing here?”

If she wanted honesty, she decided, she would have to be honest herself.

“I don’t truly know. But I do know one thing: I’m here to help.”

“But- but, why- did- did I trap you, too? Did I do something wro-”

“Siffrin, I chose this.”

“WHY?” he burst out, “WHY would you CHOOSE this?!?”

“Hm. Well. Because you didn’t get to, I suppose?”

She didn’t know that he didn’t for sure, factually, but the way he said that made her certain it was the truth.

“More to the point, I just wished for the ability to help you. The wish did the rest. I do not fully understand how wishes work. It seems like this is the only way I can be of any assistance.”

They were at a loss for words. They looked outraged, but also stunned, and very, very tired. She knew she had made the right decision.

“Oh, and Siffrin?” She sat down on the grass across from him, her knees creaking in protest. “I am so, so glad that you told me.”

For the first time in a long time, Siffrin burst into tears.

Though she wasn’t used to it, and did not truly know if it would be comforting to Siffrin, she did what her instincts and the social conventions of Vaugard told her to.

As she moved closer to Siffrin and wrapped her arms around them, they fell into her without holding back.

They just sat there, hugging, for what felt like an eternity.

“There’s… someone you should probably meet,” Siffrin said, finally. They were anxious even just at the thought of it, but if she was here, if she truly could help… then she needed to meet the one who had already been trying to help them, all this time.

They were shaking as they attempted to stand up. Their legs buckled beneath them and they fell to the ground, but Odile helped them up again as best she could, and with one of their arms linked with one of hers for support, they were off for the Favor Tree.

-

As they approached the magical (?) tree, Odile spotted Isabeau and briefly wondered if Siffrin meant him, and looked to Siffrin for a reaction. They didn’t even seem to be looking at him, they just focused on walking straight. Isabeau saw them both and waved wholeheartedly, though his expression shifted to concern as he saw that Siffrin was essentially using Odile as a crutch. Finally they stopped in front of him, and Siffrin looked up. “Hi, Isa,” they said, “I ne- I mean, we need to do the favor tree thing.”

“O-oh? What is this?” He looked back and forth between the two of them, a hint of amusement in his eyes. “Have you suddenly turned to the mystical arts madame Odile? I must say, you surprise me everyday!”

She rolled her eyes, but did appreciate his light teasing. “Yes, Isabeau, I have aquired an interest as of recently. After all, I must carry out my all-important duty of keeping you entertained, must I not?”

Isabeau was, predictably, flustered immediately . “Uh- Ah- I, uh…”

“For now, might we be left alone?” she offered as a way out.

“A-alone? I, uh, sure! I’ll, uh! Go now!”

And off the fighter went, walking faster than he usually did. Odile couldn’t help but smile at how easily embarrassed he was. Before she had time to turn back toward the tree again, Siffrin had already started walking, arm still in hers, almost dragging her with him before she properly caught up to them.

They now stood before the tree, just the two of them. And no one else.

Siffrin looked around, seemingly annoyed. When they didn’t find what they were looking for, they sighed curtly.

“Loop! Where are you?” he shouted at the leaves.

Odile was only slightly embarrassed to admit to herself that she had for a moment considered that the tree might be the person Siffrin was talking about, a theory which she promptly, and metaphorically, threw in the trash and closed the lid firmly over. But she was also looking intently at all the leaves, trying to find a glimpse of… someone?

Suddenly, she did see something. That same glimmer she had spotted when first making her wish. She hadn’t imagined it after all.

The next thing that appeared from the tree was much more unbelievable than some sparkles.

A shining… person? Entity? With a spiky head and a body that was shaded in a gradient from darkless to lightless. She couldn’t even begin to wrap her head around who, or even what, they were. Whoever they were, they sure were giving Siffrin a dirty stare, avoiding her gaze completely. They settled into a defensive pose in front of the tree, making no attempt to close the gap in distance between them.

“Stardust… why?” Was all they said in greeting.

“Odile is… in the timeloop, now…” Siffrin cautiously explained.

“WHAT?” the spiky entity suddenly shouted and abandoned definsiveness for outrage. “HOW?”

Now, they did look at her, but they did it so quickly and with such intense bewilderment that she got momentary vertigo, before they once again avoided her eyes like it hurt to look at her.

“WHAT HAPPENED, SIFFRIN?” the being demanded.

-

Siffrin was taken aback. Loop rarely ever used their name, and though this certainly was an awful turn of events by a lot of metrics, they felt like their reaction was a bit too intense. Then again, Siffrin supposed “intense” was one of the hallmarks of Loop’s character. Siffrin didn’t even know why they themself weren’t freaking out more, and was rather surprised to find that he had a strange feeling of calm. Obviously, they were a failure for deviating from the script so badly only because of his selfishly self-indulgent thought-process that it resulted in dooming one of his family members to a fate worse than (and including!) death, but they were repressing that so hard that it was hard not to feel just… normal, kind of. They were talking to one of their family members again, a family member that would actually remember talking to them!! If it weren’t so incredibly morally wrong, they would probably have let themself feel really happy right about now. And if they weren’t repressing everything so hard, they probably would have acted like Loop instead of thinking they were intense. Well, actually, they had already acted like Loop, back when Odile came to wake him up.

“I don’t… actually know? She didn’t get to that part. She just said that she chose this.”

“WHAT KIND OF IDIOT WOULD CHOOSE THIS??”

“I am standing right here, sparkly gradient hedgehog. If you want to ask ”the idiot“ any questions, you can direct them at me.” She had mostly spared Siffrin of her direct manner due to her incredible restraint in the face of an unstable emotional bomb, but that was out of care for them. She did not feel that same caring inclination toward this frankly rude enitity. If they wanted to freak out like this, they could do it on their own time.

“FINE! WHY, RESEARCHER?” the entity snapped at her, fire burning in their eyes.

“Because, like I said to Siffrin, he didn’t get to. And, frankly, they didn’t seem to be doing that great of a job at getting out of it on their own. Well, almost on their own, I suppose. Though with the level of emotional restraint you’re displaying right now, I am not thoroughly confident that you were doing a great job at it either,” she scowled at them, savoring the sense of power she felt. Usually, she recognized power-plays to be, on the whole, problematic. Now, she couldn’t care less. Anything to get this Mx. Spiky to stop yelling.

“Before we go further with this delightlfully productive conversation,” she stared before the entity could continue, “what is your name, Spiky?”

-

(Oh stars. These two are a bad match.)

Siffrin found it both fascinating, scary and truly funny, though they did realize that was wrong. It was all just. So weird? They met moments earlier and already they were bickering, no, really fighting. Though, when thinking back to their own meeting with Loop, the two of them were only just civil. Still. These were two very grown adults, both of them seeming to be at the very least twenty years older than him.

So when Odile called Loop “Spiky”, there really was nothing else to do but laugh.

Immediately Loop’s furious eyes were upon them, but they truly could not stop laughing. Odile also shifted her glare to his direction, which softened as it landed on him, and brought out what seemed to be a small, genuine smile.

“Oh, you find this funny, do you, Stardust? Damning your friend to the same fate as you is FUNNY?”

That remark earned them a fierce slap to the face by Odile powered by sheer fury.

“OW?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, RESEARCHER?!?”

“I COULD ASK YOU THE SAME THING, SPIKE!”

Loop had known it would hurt, knew it was an open wound they were pushing the sharp remark into. Siffrin was already sick with guilt and it made it worse to know that they did find it all funny. And they still couldn’t stop laughing, though it hurt in their stomach and he truly wanted it to stop. He held onto his stomach in an attempt to steady himself as the world become muddy and swaying.

“Loop,” he managed to say between painful laughs, once again getting their attention. Though he could clearly see their facial expression, their body language clearly communicated worry making its way into their being. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see a blurry blob mostly resembling Odile. “Siffrin, are you okay?”

“I…” Loop started, trying to say something else, but unable to form the right words. They also reached out toward them, but retracted their hand as soon as they realized what they were doing.

With Odile’s steadying hand, Siffrin slowly felt more grounded, and the aching laughter dissapated, slower than they would have liked it to, but it dissapated nonetheless. Finally, he exhaled heavily, and plastered on his empty smile. “I’m okay now.”

The world still wasn’t fully in focus, but they could tell Odile frowned. Whatever she thought of his deflecting expression, she didn’t say, but kept her hand on their shoulder. She turned toward Loop.

“Okay. Loop, yes?” she asked, her inquisitive attitude very barely covering up the clear threat of more violence if Loop did not comply with common manners this time. Loop, clearly shaken and quite a bit less rageful, just nodded distantly.

-

“Perfect, thank you,” she said, “it was nice to meet you Loop,-” it hadn’t been, “-but I think Siffrin and I should go now. Believe me, I will be back,” she insisted, half as a promise and half as a warning, “and when that happens, we are going to have a civil conversation. Are we in agreement?”

Loop said nothing, and was back to not looking at her, but gave the tiniest nod in response.

Without any further conversation, Odile took her other hand on Siffrin’s other shoulder, and steered them both away from the Favor Tree.

Chapter Text

Even though she knew she was in a time loop, Odile couldn’t stop herself from getting the intense feeling of déjà vu as she walked past the villagers. She hadn’t paid them much mind to begin with, not out of superiority but because she was so engulfed in the task ahead, but she still noticed that they were doing the same things that she had vaguely registered. Catching snippets of a conversation she had barely overheard, seeing people go in and out of houses the same way, praying to the change god in the same way.

She, truthfully, found it to be fascinating. Though she certainly recognized the terror of the situation she had willingly walked into, a part of her couldn’t help but want to take notes of everything she saw and theorizing about the exact mechanics of wish craft. And she would do that, who knows what might help them escape the loops, but once again she had to talk to Siffrin first.

As they walked towards the clocktower, they passed Mirabelle sitting on the bench outside of the library, looking through some papers. Odile had seen them before, but hadn’t seen their contents, only that Mirabelle furrowed her brows whenever she looked at them. She looked at them inquisitively as they walked by, first at Siffrin, then Odile, but didn’t try to stop them. Odile gave her a gentle smile as a temporary answer to the effect of “I’ll tell you later,” and although worry sank into the Housemaiden’s eyes, she nodded with a gentle smile of her own.

When at last they entered the clocktower, it became apparent that Bonnie had not yet returned to start preparing dinner. This suited Odile just fine; she could talk to Bonnie about changing the dinner menu later.

Once again, they went into the family bedroom and sat down on the beds across from each other, where they had been just a half hour earlier in their perception of time, but also never. Once again, Siffrin did not initiate the conversation, which was just as well for Odile, who had enough questions for the both of them.

“So. You might have guessed that I have a great amount of questions,” Odile began, “and I do not think I’ll be very good at pacing myself to match your…” she looked away, searching for the right words. “Well, emotional boundaries, I suppose. I tried very hard earlier, but considering that I think I mostly succeeded due to circumstances I couldn’t possibly have been able to control, I don’t think I’ll be able to replicate that same quality with my current energy levels. In summary-” she sighed, “-I am a bit tired, so I might be more blunt. You are welcome to do the same, but more than that, I need you to be honest with me, both like earlier, and also when I step over the emotional boundaries. Do you understand?”

“I- yes. I- I’ll… try.”

“Good. Before anything, I need to ask you this: Have you told any other Odile about the time loops?”

“What? No, of course not?”

Odile was visibly taken aback. “Never?”

“Yes, never!” Siffrin didn’t even hesitate, the answer to that question so obvious that it was just a law of the universe to them at this point. “I shouldn’t even have told you, then you wouldn’t have been stuck here!”

“Gems, Siffrin, we’ve been over this, I did this of my own free will. I figured it out before you told me. Have I- or, I suppose, other versions of me- really never figured it out?”

They looked away, terrible sadness and fright twisting their gaze. “You… did, once.”

Her heart sank with the realization. “Ah, I suppose I must not have been… very gentle about it.”

Siffrin was quick to redirect the burden onto themself. “N-no, it- it’s not- It wasn’t your fault! I was careless, I did stupid, reckless things, I made the daughter give you the book without even asking the children if they had it, I knew about the secret entrance in the library-”

“-the what-?”

“-I didn’t react to the stone, I was bad with jokes and… I just. I was stupid, okay? You had the right to be mad at me.”

“I was mad at you?” She had thought that she might have been slightly insensitive, but mad? That did not seem right. “Why? Why would I be mad?”

“Because I trapped you here! Why else?” They said, once again as if it was obvious.

But it wasn’t obvious. She could not entertain the notion of a world where it would be obvious for her to be mad at someone for... this. She could get mad at times, yes, of course. Gems, she had been mad that same day. But mad at him for something he was desperately trying to fix? Not likely. “Siffrin, never once during my figuring this out have I been mad at you, and certainly not because you ‘’Trapped me here’’. Yes, we haven’t been able to move further after the loops end, as far as I know- at least I hope not, that would be a… bad timeline, I suppose…” She briefly imagined a timeline in which Siffrin looped back and no longer existed in that world, and a chill went down her spine as she wondered if there was now a timeline where neither Siffrin nor Odile were there to help Bonnie, Mirabelle and Isabeau, but then, in a swift act of self-preservation, she shoved that thought deep down with the reassurance that that couldn’t possibly be the case. “But we haven’t been able to remember not being able to progress, and you have.” she continued. “Truthfully, I can’t believe this is something I have to tell you, you’re the one experiencing it.”

“Yes, exactly! And you shouldn’t have had to!” Siffrin persisted in insisting.

Removing her glasses to pinch the bridge of her nose in annoyance, she gathered the strength to explain one more time. “Siffrin. Listen to me. Do you trust my judgement?”

They looked almost frightened. “What? Yes?”

“Good.” She looked straight into their eyes. “You know what call I made according to my own judgement? Joining you in the time loops. I cannot believe I have to tell you once again that I did this of my own will. I would much rather be here with you and help you with our escape than have you do all this alone. Do you view me as so selfish to believe I would rather let you deal with this, frankly, traumatic experience by yourself?”

“I…” He looked away, and turned quiet.

She sighed. “I find it hard to believe I was mad at you for trapping me here, Siffrin. If anything, I would be mad at you for keeping this information from me, but believe me, that anger would be short-lived, and I harbour none of it now. ‘Trapping us here’ does not seem like something you would purposefully do. And I don’t believe you would keep yourself trapped here either, when you are in such agony. Which brings me to my next question: do you have any idea what might be trapping you here? Or moreover, what makes you loop? It doesn’t truly seem… random. It feels a little too coincidental that it happened right after you told me you were in the loop.”

“No, it’s… it’s not random, at least. I don’t always know what makes it happen, but I can make it happen. By…-”

(No no no no no no nonono non ononononno-)

Their face paled quite considerably, and they looked like they were on the brink of throwing up. “-w-wanting it to. I suppose.”

Odile wanted to ask more about that, but he continued before she could, faster than before.

“B-but the natural end point is the same: Talking to the Head Housemaiden.”

“Right.” she nodded. “That’s why you were talking about her in your sleep.”

They looked extremely uncomfortable at the reminder of how they had accidentally made her suspicious of them. She supposed that was on her, it hadn’t been important to bring that up now, but sometimes when she made connections to different facts, she couldn’t keep them unsaid. Not managing to figure out how to make them feel better, she decided to continue.

“So, do you think it’s the Head Housemaiden alone that is keeping you here?”

“No.” They said with certainty, then letting doubt creep into their expression. “Or, I did, and I suppose, that might still be a possibility?” He relented uncertainly, before continuing. “So far, I think she’s part of the reason, but I don’t think she’s keeping me here on purpose, by her own will. When I was searching the House for clues, I went into her office a couple of times. On her desk-” (The desk with the stupid key taped to the blinding roof of the blinding drawer-) “-was a paper with lots of names on it? And it seemed to categorize the kinds of wishes the villagers of Vaugarde made. That is, if they wished to be saved from the King, or something else. And when I spoke to her about it, she… confirmed it. That they didn’t mean for this to happen. So their wishes likely trapped me here. Their wish for the King to be defeated.”

“But, Siffrin. When do you talk to the Head Housemaiden?”

Siffrin had already realized the contradiction a little while ago, but it still hurt to admit. “… only after defeating the King.”

“So… does that mean he isn’t truly defeated when you talk to her?”

“I… I think he is? The curse is lifted, so…”

“Then how could that wish be keeping you here? Shouldn’t you have been free a long time ago?”

“I don’t know. I don’t...” They sighed, pushing their fingers through their hair, hair already tangled from so many loops without brushing it- they couldn’t ask Mirabelle to do it, it felt wrong, using somebody like that. Making her brush his hair just because he knew how to get her to do it, it felt disgusting. And so now when his fingers tangled in their hair it just felt like another reminder of how they were failing. They were aware Odile was waiting for an answer, but they couldn’t think of a helpful one, so they just opened their mouth and let the words tumble out.

 “I don’t know anymore. Maybe we never defeat him in the right way? Maybe we’re doing something wrong? Maybe it’s only me who’s defeating the king wrong, and I’m being punished for it? Maybe I am supposed to be the one to defeat the King, not Mirabelle? Maybe I should just go there right now, kill him myself so hard that he stays dead and never ever needs defeating again-!”

“You can’t defeat the King yourself, Siffrin.” Odile interrupted him, rolling her eyes.

“But what if I could?” Siffrin countered defiantly.

Somehow, Odile thought it seemed like there wasn’t a single doubt in their mind that they could. And it frightened her. He couldn’t possibly have gotten that powerful. Or…?

She didn’t like it, but a question popped up in her mind once more.

“Do you know what is retained from loop to loop? Is it only your memory, or does your body and abilities, too…?”

“I… I get stronger, too. I have more abilities now as well. Healing, some buffs, paper and rock attacks. That’s part of what made you suspicious of me in the first place,-” the memory rushed at him and he wished he hadn’t said anything, “-because I… I defeated the first sadness in one blow. By myself.”

Odile’s mind reeled. Just how strong were they? Could they truly beat the King?

“Still,” Odile decided, “trying to beat him by yourself seems like a suicide mission. I don’t think you should.”

“It’s not like that would matter,” muttered Siffrin.

“Sorry, what was that?” Odile asked, only having caught a few of the words.

“It’s just. The loop also starts over when I die, which isn’t very strange if it’s because of a wish for the King to be defeated, because I can’t exactly save Vaugarde when I’m dead, right?” The smile he proceeded to give her was a little more genuine than she would have liked for such a remark. Though she had suspected it, the realization that he had legitimately died before hit her deep and hard and punctured her soul. Without truly wanting to ask it, she remembered the question that had plagued her when she ran to the Favor Tree.

“How many times… how many times have you died?” She didn’t want to hear the answer, she needed to hear the answer.

“I...”

-

(Okay this is definitely something I shouldn’t answer honestly.)

Up until now, Siffrin had been motivated to share information more than usual, as a result of Odile’s mysterious power to get information out of anyone at all, he knew she would eventually force him to tell her sooner than later, but also because he selfishly wanted to tell her. But this. This she could neither check nor did she need to know. And they really did not want to tell her that they had died so many times they had almost stopped counting, death was only a second before a new loop. He settled for roughly a fourth of it. He took a few seconds to ground himself for his performance. He needed to be confident in the low number so she wouldn’t suspect anything.

“35 times, I think.”

Odile, already quite pale, turned as darkless as a sheet of paper. “W-what?” she stammered.

He looked away, berating himself for not picking a lower number.

“35 times?! That’s- That’s–” Odile was looking at him, desperately, seemingly staring straight into his soul, burrowing a large hole.

After a few seconds of this, she seemed to snap out of it, but not fully, her skin remaining the same shade, her breath remaining slightly unstable.

“I’m sorry, Siffrin.”

He felt bad. In fact, he felt awful. She shouldn’t be apologizing to him, he should be apologizing to her, over and over and over and over and over again-

-

Odile wanted to hit someone. It was strange, she had wanted to resort to violence more than normal lately. Though, truly, it was not strange- it was because everything was too much, and no one seemed to be truly responsible. Why that resulted in violence, she couldn’t thoroughly explain, but she knew she was right. Right now, though, violence would certainly not be the solution.

She had gotten a lot of information so far, and she could probably get more, but…

She couldn’t look at Siffrin anymore. She needed to go, somewhere. Do something to help him, something that didn’t cause more pain.

I wonder how many days he’s had the same samosas?

It was a small thing. But small things matter.

“Siffrin, I think you should go rest. You’ve been through enough these past loops. Let me take care of things for a little while.”

“What?! No! You don’t need- I need to be doing something, I-”

“No, that is precisely what you don’t need,” she wasn’t sure, but she needed to be, “so I want you to sleep for a few hours until dinner, I’ll talk to Isabeau and Mirabelle so they don’t disturb you, and I’ll talk to Bonnie so you can have something other than samosas. Now,” She stood up and almost pushed Siffrin onto his back on the bed, already removing the blanket from underneath him to cover him with. “Go to sleep.”

And though she heard him continue to protest as she walked toward the door, they died off when she closed it.

While they had talked, Bonnie had come back inside and started dinner. The smell was really familiar, for good reason.

“Hello, Boniface,” she smiled at the child, “what is on the menu for this evening?”

“Samosas! With potato and no cheese!! THE SUPERIOR KIND!!” came the energetic answer. Their familiar energy was like a warm blanket, and she felt the comfort wash over her. Wanting it to continue, she decided to put off her quest for a few seconds.

“Are you sure those are the best samosas? I hear they’re usually made with cheese, are they not?”

“They are. BADLY!!! It’s a- a dissgrays for the entire world!! Cheese should not be in samosas. It is a crime.”

“It sounds like samosas with potatoes and cheese are an affront to humanity.”

“Yes. Correct. That. That’s what they are.”

“Well then, how about I ask you a food related question that has nothing to do with those disgraceful samosas?”

“Good! I’m ready! You can ask me the question, Dile!”

“I suppose the question is more of a favor when I think about it. You see, Siffrin is feeling a bit under the weather, and though your samosas are perfect Boniface, I suggest that we change the menu just for them, so they have the best chance at feeling better. Would that be alright? You can have full creative freedom on the dish, as long as can help improve his health.  I can help you find something suitable if you would like?”

Bonnie looked solemn, and couldn’t quite meet Odile’s eyes, just like last time she had suggested a menu change. Déjà vu, she couldn’t help but think once again.

“Is Frin really sick?” they asked quietly.

“Not to the degree where you should be worried, Boniface. But yes, they are. It is not serious, but we cannot risk them getting sicker before we fight the King.” She felt weirdly bad about using the same excuse as last time, but that was stupid, since Bonnie wouldn’t remember either way. If it worked, it worked. Just means to an end.

“Hmrf… I guess… if it would help Frin be fast and happy and strong again, so everyone can kick the King in the face…” Bonnie started slowly, before smiling the same genuine smile that only a precious child like Boniface could. “Then I’ll make the most sick-curing meal ever!! Even better than samosas!! They’ll be feeling so not-sick that they’ll kick the CRAB out of the King before he’ll even know what hit him!!!”

Odile’s heart lifted with love for this small child. “That sounds amazing, Boniface,” she said, smiling. “Do you need any help with anything?”

“No! I can do this. Now go away, Dile. I need focus for my cooking.”

“As you wish, chef-cooker.”

“I’m a master cooker!!”

She laughed, which made Bonnie smile even wider. Quickly they turned around to face the kitchen so they could get started on the special meal, and after a few seconds of standing there, Odile left them to it.

And so it was that Odile headed for the Favor Tree once more, determined to not commit more violence.

Of course she ran into Isabeau.

“M’dame! What are you doing here??”

“Isabeau, how are you today?”

“I’m, uh, great! Just great, fantastic! I was just, uh… thinking about S- wishes! What to wish for at the Favor Tree! Haha, yeah!”

“… I see. Have you decided?”

“Huh? Sorry?”

“On a wish?”

“Oh, I already did. Wait- I mean, I was just… thinking about wishes… in… general?”

“If you say so, Isabeau. Might I be alone at the Favor Tree for a bit?”

“Ohohoh? Have you turned to the mystical arts, Madame? You surprise me every day!”

“As does the depths of your awkwardness surprise me.”

That might have been a bit mean, but then she remembered that he probably wouldn’t remember in the long run. She immediately interrupted that train of thought, because it was not in any of their best interest to go into this thinking they would fail at the first opportunity.

“My apologies Isabeau. That was rude. Could you please leave an old, tactless lady alone at the mystical tree? I need to… research something, in peace.”

He gave her his after-a-feelings-talk smile, and she felt silly, but better. “Of course, Madame. I’ll leave you to it.” He waved at her as he walked away.

She saw the glimmer again as soon as she got within throwing distance to the tree. She supposed Loop knew she was coming, because the hostile face they met her with looked to her to be practiced, the way it ever so often tried to dissipate into… something else. Fear? Exhaustion?

“Good day, Loop,” she greeted them.

“Researcher,” they simply replied, which was a much more grounded response than she expected to get. She moved towards them until she was standing under the leaves straight across from them.

“I’m glad. It seems you have decided to honour my promise of a civil conversation.”

“Barely. I just can’t be bothered to fight anyone right now.” They looked spitefully at a tree branch on the ground. Then, they seemingly decided on something, took a deep breath and suddenly clapped their hands together, starling Odile very much. When she once again concentrated on their face, a very obviously fake and verging on maniacal grin was plastered on their spiky face.

“How can I help you in this wonderful loop you’ve trapped yourself in, Researcher~?”

It surprised her how she felt close to sickened at the change in this mysterious entity, but she fought hard to keep her emotions from showing. That’s what this seemed to be, after all; a battle to see who could keep things from who the longest. Still, she did not know why she had been chosen as their opponent, but that was one of the things she intended to find out.

“Thank you for offering your assistance,” she knew they weren’t genuine but frankly enjoyed annoying them just a little, “If you could just answer some of my questions, that would be more than enough help for now.”

“Hahaha, yes of course! I’ll do my very best~!”

“Great. Now then. Who are you?”

“Are you having trouble remembering things, Researcher? I am Loop, your newly assigned companion, Loop, to help with the loops! An apt name, is it not?”

“Very. Is that your real name?”

Loop scoffed. “How rude! Of course it is my name, would I ever lie to you?” they blinked daintily a couple of times, feigning innocence. She did not even bother hiding it when she rolled her eyes at them.

“No, of course not.” she said with sickly sweetness. “It is just perfect.”

“Is it not? Very glamorous, if I may say so myself.”

“You may. Next question. What are you?”

They mock gasped in astonishment, and put a hand over their mouth(?). “Well I never! The audacity! One would think you had attained some form of courtesy after all these years!”

“You said you would answer my questions.”

“Did I? Are you suuuuure? Super, super super suuure?”

This was giving her a headache.

“You’ve been helping Siffrin, yes?”

“Yes, I suppose I have.”

“How?”

“By gracing them with my presence, of course.”

“And you’ve been gracing them with your presence for all of the 25 loops?”

For a second, Loop’s eyes widened, before returning to a forced ecstatic state, though the tension in them was still present. “Where did you get that number of loops, Researcher?”

“From Siffrin. Why, was I not supposed to know?”

They thought for a few seconds, before coming to a decision. They dropped the flamboyant act and turned serious, sending a shiver down Odile’s spine.

“Okay, Researcher. I will be honest with you for a bit, but only because a certain someone has been worrying me for a while, and… I think you… might be good for them. Though you’ve proclaimed yourself to be bad at feelings-talks, I suspect you, at the very least, will better than I have been so far.”

Odile was intrigued, and felt the gravity of Loops shift in demeanour. The entity in question sighed heavily before continuing.

“Siffrin has been here for… a little over a hundred loops, Researcher.”

“He… what?”

“Though, honestly, that should not come as quite a big surprise, considering his meltdown yesterday. Letting you all see him like that… they must have truly been besides themself. They didn’t even think to call me.” They looked away.

“But it worries me. That they would start off this new chance at figuring out the loops with a lie. I suppose I can guess why they did tell that lie in particular, I would probably… no, I would have done the same. But Stardust…” Their voice turned unstable, like there was an earthquake that turned the ground into just another place to get away from instead of a place to find stability.

“Siffrin isn’t me. And they shouldn’t be. They should…” Loop trailed off.

“Anyway, very few of them were due to the natural end point, so…”

“Siffrin has… died… over one hundred times?”

They nodded.

“One hundred? ONE HUNDRED? Gems alive, I- I–”

“Many of them, he… made happen manually.”

“WHY? BY ALL THE NAMELESS EXPRESSIONS, WHY?!”

Loop looked up at her in pity, their calculating personality having evaporated. “So he could end the loop he was in, and start a new one. Or sometimes just to travel to another point in the loop. It’s much more efficient, and though it doesn’t sound like it… it might have actually been the healthier option.”

“The healthier option was dying?”

“Rather than live the entire loop through without being able to do anything about it? Reliving every single conversation again, going the exact same places again, all the time, as opposed to only most of the time? It might be up for debate, but I am sure you will agree that neither option is particularly splendid.”

“But he remembers dying… doesn’t he?”

“There are a lot of things he doesn’t remember. I don’t know the full scope of his forgetfulness, but I suspect he remembers most of it. Mostly, their memory from before the loops seem to be slipping quite badly. But it is also starting to affect the loops, and also some basic information. It’s like… do you remember what you had for lunch three months ago? Or when it rained last? It’s like that, but ‘yesterday’ morning, he also… forgot… your names.”

“What? Are you sure? How- how do you know that?”

“It’s a vaguely omnipresent thing? I sort of get the gist of whatever is going through his head if it’s strong enough. It only works fine when he’s outside of the House. After that, it gets more iffy. Anyway, I picked it up pretty clearly yesterday, since they were quite distraught.”

“But how could they forget our names?”

“Do you get to choose what you forget?”

“No, but- surely they say our names all the time? They did talk to us, didn’t they?”

“Of course he did. But I don’t have the numbers of when and where. He might have talked to you every loop, they might have gone a loop or two without talking to you at all. Anyway, he very clearly did not intend nor want to forget your names, or he wouldn’t have freaked out so much. So you can rest easy in that it was involuntary.”

“That will under no circumstances make me rest easy.”

“That’s true, you never rest easy.”

Odile gave them a sour stare.

“No, no, you’re right,” Loop, to Odile’s surprise, relented. “It doesn’t bode well for them staying in the loop much longer.”

“But how do we end the loop? Are you currently in possession of any leads or theories, perhaps?”

“Hmm. Well, I have some ideas, or things I haven’t truly figured out yet but believe to be important. Like Stardust, I believe it all has something to do with Wishcraft. Exactly what, I’m not sure. I’m aware you seem to have some idea of what Wishcraft is, considering… that you’re here. But how did you find out about it? Did Stardust tell you?”

“At the very beginning, they told me about the ritual, that wishes respond to strong intent as well and might not always come true. They also now told me that the Head Housemaiden kept a list in her office categorizing villagers into what the wished for, and that most of them wished to save Vaugarde. Then they started talking about their theory that they we were all doing something wrong so the wish was never fulfilled? And they seemed quite centred around the idea that they themself were the one doing something wrong when they defeat the King.”

“That’s right. He brought up that idea to me recently too.”

“More worrisomely, he suggested that he should defeat the King by himself. I understand now that they retain quite a bit of strength from each loop, but… it still seems… wrong. Do you think that is the solution?”

“No. It’s not the solution.” For a few seconds they looked as resolute as a stone, before seemingly realizing something. “Uh, I mean, of course, I don’t actually know, anything is possible!! But it doesn’t seem quite as simple as Stardust makes it out to be.” They took a steadying breath before continuing. “I also can’t get on board with the idea that they are supposed to defeat the King alone. It feels counterintuitive? For some reason? Call it what you want, a sense of injustice, narrative dissonance, spite. But it feels wrong in my bones. And anyway, do you really think it’s likely for a wish to save Vaugarde to conclude in that the one saviour Vaugarde has never heard of, because they know no-one, anywhere, having to save everyone by themselves, while also with a group of talented crafters including a girl rumoured to have actual powers bestowed upon them by a literal god for that explicit purpose?”

“Yes, exactly. I agree.”

There was a moment of silence. It was a somber one, one based on troubling knowledge that they now shared, but somehow that made it a more comfortable one. There was something to be said for the bonds a shared common ground of knowledge could create. Though their relationship had gotten off to a fairly rocky start, Odile found herself respecting this entity to some degree. It was clear as day that they cared for Siffrin and that their brash emotions seemed to mask it from the world, and that was something she could understand the mechanics of. She had the insight to realize that she, too, sometimes hid her true emotions, except for that in her case, they were best hidden by showing very little outward emotion at all, keeping an analytical view of things, though she, too, were not immune to showing emotion entirely. Which was good; she didn’t want to be. But not every situation could afford a show of emotion, and since it was truly difficult to tell which type of situation it was at any given time, she always thought it better to play it safe. Also she just enjoyed the privacy. Her emotions were her emotions, after all, and if she didn’t show them, they would not be subjected to the opinions of others. And so Loops intense displays of emotion as if they didn’t care what people think puzzled her. Do they truly not care what people think? Or do they only hide behind those intense displays so their true feelings are not subjected to the same judgement? It was obvious from their conversation that they did care for Siffrin, or at the very least cared about getting them out of the loop. But Loop became too accusatory and harsh toward Siffrin when they first met Odile, like they blamed him entirely, like they despised him.

It occurred to her that she still knew very little about them. Not where they were from, not if they had any friends, family, and still not what they actually were. “Loop” seemed a too convenient name to not be explicitly tied to the phenomenon they found themselves trapped in.

“Why did Siffrin not tell me?”

“Hm? Tell you what, Researcher?”

“They said that they never told me, or anyone else, that they were in the loop. He said I even found out on my own and confronted him once. But why didn’t they ever ask us for help? Surely, it’s only logical to get information that might help from all possible sources?”

“I’m not sure Stardust was thinking logically, or at the very least, he was following a different logic than that one. Any more than that, I… I don’t think I can say that just yet, Researcher.”

“So you know why?”

“Haha, stars, I see you leave no room for ambiguity as always, inquisitive one.”

Odile knew she had hit a wall. Considering Loop’s surprising openness up until that point, she decided to let it go. Besides, she did want Siffrin to be the one to be honest about it.

“Yes, I suppose. But I’ll make an exception. You have been especially lenient with information today, after all. Thank you.”

“I seem to remember saying I would do my best in answering your questions.”

She smiled. “I’m glad you remember.”

“Just one last question before I go. Do you think I have the power to control the loop in the same capacity as Siffrin?”

“I don’t see why not. You are stuck in the loop now, after all, and if your wish was to help Stardust… I don’t see how you can do that if you die or somehow escape the loop. Though Stardust does sometimes seem to rewind time by will, and that, I’m… not sure about. I’m not sure why it happens, if they truly are the one doing it, or if they realize. But right now I think it might have something to do with his heightened emotions. Once, I… made something bad happen on purpose and when he realized, he- well, I suppose we could say it didn’t after all. But it did, for him and me.”

“So time only turned back when he realized what had happened? Not when it did?”

“Exactly. Which is why I think that they can, to some extent, control it. If something is uncomfortable enough, make it… not have happened.”

Suddenly, something she wanted to keep in mind popped back into her train of thought.

“When it happens, you know it has, right?”

“Yes, since I’m also in the loop.”

“Then do you- and this might be illogical, but- do you remember smelling anything burnt? When it happens?”

“How did you-? I mean, yes, I suppose, it- it smells of burnt sugar a bit before.”

“Well, Loop, I don’t believe in fate, but a number of coincidences seem to have aligned for me to be standing here with you today. If the two are connected, the loop I was from almost restarted twice.”

“You- what??? How are you even here, then?!?”

“Sometimes, it’s better to stop talking, apparently.”

Loop remained a mixture between awestruck and dumbfounded, which she enjoyed immensely. But with all this newly acquired information, she was itching to get to do some actual investigation into Wishcraft and gain perspectives from other sources, so she would have to leave Loop alone for a bit.

“Which leads me to having to say goodbye for now, Loop. I want you to know I truly appreciate having some actual answers, and that you agreed to tell me despite your obvious disapproval of me being here. Thank you once again, both for the information, but also for taking care of Siffrin for… all this time. The care you have for him is truly strong.”

Their expression once again acquired a layer of emotion she found impossible to decipher, but they still looked straight at her. “It… it’s nothing,” was all they said in response, and she could tell there was more to know, there was always more to know, but she couldn’t figure it out now. Not when she had everything else to figure out first. “I will see you again,” she simply said, this time neither meant as a threat nor a warning but a friendly thing to an alien informant with a seemingly good heart, and then she walked away without looking back.