Chapter Text
Shouta was starting to feel like things were coming together. He was gradually getting stronger and faster, and his skill with his binding cloth was improving. Oboro was back in school and catching back up to everyone pretty quickly. Hizashi was his boyfriend. His work study was going well.
Moreover, for the first time in his life, Shouta felt like he was working towards a future that was genuinely attainable. The vague, formless idea of ‘being a hero,’ whatever that meant, was starting to take shape into something tangible.
Oboro hadn’t mentioned the idea of the three of them starting their own agency since before he was injured, so Shouta wasn’t going to pin his plans on that; but he knew now that he could do things all on his own, if he needed to. First with Garvey, then that villain back in November, he had been able to get the job done.
He knew he couldn’t get overconfident, because even though he’d been successful, Garvey had done a ton of damage and nearly killed Shirakumo. He needed to keep getting faster and stronger… and he also realized that having backup that he could work well with might make a real difference.
He thought about having Oboro and Hizashi as his backup, and about being theirs.
He thought again about last year’s final exam, where he’d frozen up because of Oboro, and Hizashi had gotten hurt.
What would he do, now that he and Hizashi were more than friends? He didn’t think he’d freeze up again; but would he make a bad call if it meant trying to keep Hizashi safe? What would he do if Hizashi got badly hurt?
Shouta tried to imagine for a moment that it had been Hizashi buried under all that rubble, Hizashi with his skull broken and drenched in blood…
A wave of nausea rolled through him, and he banished the image from his mind.
Still, despite the horror of that situation, Shouta knew how he’d handled it when he’d faced it with Oboro; and it’s not like he could have done much of anything differently.
The fact was, Hizashi was going to be a hero, just like Shouta, so they were both going to have to accept the risks.
They were all going to have to accept the risks.
Because Shouta knew now that losing either Oboro or Hizashi would break something in him. Maybe he’d been right all along, that he was better off not letting himself get close to anyone…
But there was no disentangling himself from them now. They were too much a part of him, even though he wasn’t sure how that had happened. The only rational course of action left was to become the best hero he possibly could, so he could keep himself and everyone else safe.
That, and to make sure that they both became the best heroes they could, for the same reason.
“How’d you get half your rice in your hair, dude!?” Hizashi howled, doubling over with laughter as Oboro sat, carefully trying to pick said rice out of his hair.
“I was just a little overenthusiastic!” Oboro laughed, waving his now-empty chopsticks around in the air to demonstrate.
Shouta sighed.
He had his work cut out for him.
He caught Kayama’s eye as she sat back, watching the shenanigans with a smirk on her face.
“Do you come up here for the company or the entertainment?” Shouta asked her as Oboro stood up and shook his head like a dog, sending grains of rice scattering around, and likely getting most of it further tangled into his hair.
“Both,” she said happily. “Sit still,” she told Oboro sternly, her eyes glinting with mirth as he plopped down on his butt, looking up at her. “Cloud,” she commanded, and immediately Oboro manifested one for her. She perched on it, kneeling on tucked legs in front of Oboro and began picking rice out of his hair while Oboro sat there grinning happily.
Shouta and Hizashi shared a glance and a smirk. Oboro had told them about the most recent date he’d had with Kayama, about how they were taking it slow; but Kayama never passed up a chance to touch Oboro, and every day those touches got a little bit… more.
Shouta was happy for them, though he refused to say much about it. He knew it would only encourage their ridiculous behavior.
Hizashi scooted over to sit next to Shouta, and Shouta leaned his head against his shoulder. That something so small sent such a thrill through him was completely irrational; but being close to Hizashi seemed to have that effect on him.
“You’ll need to shower the rest of this out later,” Kayama finally sighed, hopping down from the cloud. Shouta checked the time and saw lunch was nearly over.
“Or you could do it for me,” Oboro said, giving her a grin and waggling his eyebrows. Kayama arched her own eyebrow back at him, staring him down until he started giggling. Shouta sighed at their antics and stood up, brushing off his legs before offering his hand to Hizashi, which his boyfriend accepted with a grin.
Hauling Hizashi to his feet was only step one of Shouta’s plan, though. For step two, Shouta tugged him close and aimed a kiss at his lips.
He blinked his eyes open when the kiss didn’t connect. Instead, Hizashi’s chin was hooked over Shouta’s shoulder as he hugged him tightly. Shouta stepped back slightly, giving Hizashi a quizzical look. Hizashi just rubbed the back of his neck and scooted over to open the door for everyone to head back inside.
Shouta would have been tempted to write it off as just a weird moment; but thinking about it, it was the third time this week that he could remember Hizashi dodging a kiss.
He hadn’t dodged all the kisses, of course. They’d kissed a few times while Shouta did his capture-weapon training, and when they were holed up in Hizashi’s room studying (actually studying, aside from a handful of kisses; finals were coming up). But now Shouta was starting to wonder if something was wrong.
*
After school, Oboro had more of his make-up classes to take, so Shouta and Hizashi went to the gym without him again. Oboro was only able to make it once or twice a week for now, but he was a surprisingly enthusiastic participant when he was there. Not that he didn’t goof off at all, but Shouta had noticed that he was much more focused on the training parts than he used to be.
Today, though, it was just Shouta and Hizashi, which was nice in its own way. It was serious training, and Shouta took it seriously… but it was a lot easier to steal a kiss from Hizashi when he was wrapped up in Shouta’s binding cloth. And Shouta was pleased that Hizashi wasn’t trying to avoid any kisses now either.
Still, Shouta tried not to do it too often, because Hizashi always got flustered right after, and then he was way too easy to catch for the next few minutes.
After half an hour, they sat down for a quick water break.
“D’you ever feel weird kissing in front of Shirakumo?” Hizashi asked, looking at his toes as they leaned back against the wall.
“Why would I?” Shouta asked with a shrug. “He’s the one who shoved us in a closet till we started dating.”
“Yeah, no, I just mean… d’you think he feels weird about it? Seeing it? Cuz the three of us were all friends, and now me and you are dating.”
“We’re all still friends, though,” Shouta said, puzzled as to what irrational leap of Hizashi’s mind was behind this.
“But me and you are doing stuff without him.”
“Because he’s doing stuff without us. He’s got extra lessons-”
“Yeah, but, like, when we go out on a date, he’s not gonna come with us,” Hizashi said, starting to get agitated. “What if he starts feeling left out, and what if we’re just… I dunno, rubbing it in when we kiss in front of him?”
“He’s going on dates with Kayama-”
“But what if-”
“Zashi, if you’re that worried, why not just ask him?” Shouta suggested. As absurd as it was, at least this conversation was shedding light on why Hizashi had been acting so strange this week, answering the questions Shouta hadn’t had a chance to ask yet.
“Because he’ll just say everything is fine!” Hizashi flailed his arms around, and Shouta swayed back to avoid getting smacked in the face. “He won’t want us to feel weird, even if he feels weird, because that’s the kind of friend he is!”
Shouta arched an eyebrow. “You’re being ridiculous.” Of the three of them, Oboro was the least bad at communicating.
“What, so worrying about our friend is ridiculous?” Hizashi huffed.
“No, whatever it is that you’re doing is ridiculous. Come on,” Shouta said, standing and pulling at Hizashi’s arm, “Let’s get back to work.”
Hizashi glowered at him, but stood up and started running.
It was only a minute until Shouta caught him, reeled him in, and kissed him hard. He had some dodged kisses to make up for, after all.
“Come on, Shou,” Hizashi gasped as Shouta broke the kiss, squirming to get free of the binding cloth and Shouta’s hold.
“Shirakumo isn’t here,” Shouta pointed out, “I’m just taking the opportunity to kiss you now, while it’s safe,” he teased before releasing Hizashi. Just like before, Hizashi was flustered and Shouta almost immediately caught him again… and kissed him again.
He leaned into it, using the binding cloth to hold Hizashi close, and Hizashi couldn’t muffle the high whine that escaped the back of his throat as he kissed back.
“Aren’t you supposed to be doing serious training,” Hizashi sputtered when Shouta finally backed away, smirking. The flushed and flustered look on Hizashi’s face was incredibly satisfying.
“I am taking every moment in here very seriously,” Shouta told him before freeing him from the binding cloth. By the time he was done, Hizashi was still flushed bright red, and Shouta could have sworn Hizashi’s hands were shaking slightly by his sides. Before Shouta had a chance to check in on him, though, Hizashi took off running again, and Shouta gave chase.
This time, Shouta herded Hizashi over towards the far corner of the gym, a spot hidden by shadows and a tall pile of crash mats, before snaring him again around his arms and chest. Hizashi stumbled over his own feet as Shouta crowded him back, not stopping until he was pressed into the corner. Shouta leaned hard up against him, and he could feel the pounding of Hizashi’s heart against his chest. This time, when Shouta kissed him, Hizashi whimpered into his mouth; and this time Shouta was certain he could feel him trembling. He stepped back just enough to shake the binding cloth loose before getting in close again, keeping Hizashi backed up against the wall.
For a long moment, both of them were still, Shouta’s heart thundering wildly.
Hizashi drew a shaky breath, then ducked his head forward with an eager noise, kissing Shouta hard. His hands landed gently on Shouta’s hips, a featherlight touch compared to the intensity of the kiss. Hizashi’s tongue pushed at the seam of Shouta’s lips, begging for entrance. Shouta hummed as he opened his mouth, his tongue sliding against Hizashi’s as he wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling himself close while still keeping Hizashi backed into the corner.
Kissing didn’t make sense. There was no logical reason it should feel so good, why it should ignite desire low in his gut and make him want more; but rationality went out the window when Hizashi’s lips were pressed against his own.
“We, hnnn, we should prolly stop,” Hizashi stammered, breaking the kiss and resting his forehead against Shouta’s.
“Do you want to stop?” Shouta asked him, his hands starting to slide lower on Hizashi’s back, his fingers itching to go even further and grab Hizashi’s ass, to pull their bodies tightly together. Shouta was aware that he was rapidly getting harder, and every sound Hizashi made only heightened his arousal.
“Hell no,” Hizashi gasped as Shouta’s hands moved down, bit by bit, “But what if someone comes in?”
“Nobody ever comes in,” Shouta reminded him, ducking his head to press a kiss to Hizashi’s neck, licking at the sweat-salty skin.
“Except when they do- oh, haaah-” Hizashi broke off as Shouta finally gave in to the urge to grab his ass, pulling Hizashi’s hips flush against his own, and-
Oh, that was-
Shouta’s breath stuttered out of him as their erections pressed up against each other through the layers of fabric between them. It felt better than it had any right to, having Hizashi’s cock slotted up against his own.
He wanted to rut up against Hizashi, he wanted to make him gasp and moan. He wanted to watch him come apart, he wanted to make him come apart.
Shouta wanted to touch Hizashi again.
He’d thought about it a lot since last week, how Hizashi had felt in his hand, what it had been like to jerk him off. Between school and training and work studies and Shouta’s job with Ms. Emoto, the two of them didn’t have a lot of opportunities for private moments, and Shouta refused to pass this one up; not now that they were here, touching, kissing.
He slid one hand from Hizashi’s butt and traced the elastic waistband of his sweatpants around to the front, tugging gently. He slipped just the tips of his fingers beneath it, his index finger brushing against the head of Hizashi’s erection, and Hizashi shuddered against him.
“Can I?” he asked against Hizashi’s lips.
“Oh fuck, I- hnnn, yeah, yes, please,” Hizashi babbled, and Shouta didn’t hesitate, backing up just enough to reach down into Hizashi’s pants and boxers to grip him. “Fffffuck, Shou, I, uh, don’t think it’s gonna take much,” he said, his hands on Shouta’s waist gripping tightly. Hizashi was shaking, and Shouta didn’t know if it was from nerves, excitement, a mix of both, or something else; but everything about it was thrilling.
The angle was awkward, even as Shouta shifted his grip so he could stroke Hizashi, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was mapping the feel of Hizashi, hard in his hand, the velvet soft skin, the breathy little moans and whines that slipped out of him, the way his hips thrust up into Shouta’s grip.
It all made Shouta achingly hard.
It really didn’t take much, either. Shouta only pumped his hand a few times before Hizashi’s head tipped back, lower lip held tight between his teeth as his hips jerked and his cock twitched in Shouta’s grip.
He was gorgeous.
“That was faster than last time,” Shouta observed in awe, wondering what had made such a difference. Was it the position? Shouta doubted his own handjob skills were any better yet. Maybe Hizashi had just already been more worked up?
Whatever the reason, Shouta knew he wanted to watch Hizashi come as many times as he could.
“Shaddup,” Hizashi groaned, thumping his head back against the wall as he caught his breath.
“It wasn’t a complaint,” Shouta clarified as he eased his hand out of Hizashi’s sweats, leaving as much of the mess behind as he could. No point spreading it.
Hizashi lifted his head off the wall, looking down to where his hands were drifting towards the erection tenting Shouta’s pants. “I didn’t really get to touch much last time,” he said, an eager excitement in his voice that made Shouta’s breath hitch. “And, uh, I didn’t get to see either.”
Shouta swallowed hard. “Go ahead. If you want.” A flutter of nerves swirled in his gut while Hizashi slowly pushed Shouta’s pants and underwear down in the front until he was exposed to the cool air of the gym. Shouta hooked his thumb into the waistband by his hip, keeping the fabric down and out of the way. At least this time, Shouta wasn’t already so overwhelmed that he’d finish before anything started.
“Oh, wow,” Hizashi breathed, wrapping his fingers around him. Heat rushed to Shouta’s face as sensation zinged through his body. “That’s… you’re…”
“I’m about the same as you,” Shouta mumbled as Hizashi slid his hand along the length of him.
“But you’re you.”
Shouta could feel the tremor in Hizashi’s hand as he stroked him, but he couldn’t focus on that as his own muscles tensed up in pleasure. The urge to chase the feeling was already on him, telling him to thrust into Hizashi’s hand, hard and fast.
Instead he put his free arm around Hizashi’s neck and pulled him close, muffling his moan against Hizashi’s lips.
It wasn’t rational. The sensations themselves weren’t much different than when he masturbated. In some ways, they weren’t as good, since Hizashi was working without that instant internal feedback that let Shouta do to himself exactly what felt best in the moment; but knowing that it was Hizashi touching him, knowing that Hizashi wanted to touch him, made everything a thousand times more intense, pushing him right to the edge of orgasm.
“Zashi,” he gasped, finally giving in to the urge to thrust. Hizashi tightened his fist around Shouta’s cock and cupped his other hand over so every time Shouta thrust up, he bumped into it, another layer of pressure, sensation. “I’m gonna-”
“You’re so hot, holy shit,” Hizashi breathed.
Shouta came hard, fucking into Hizashi’s hands and gripping the hair on the back of his head tight in his fist as he pressed a sloppy kiss to Hizashi’s mouth, riding out the waves of his orgasm. He was pretty sure he was making strange, breathy noises; but he couldn’t give a damn about that right now, not with Hizashi gently stroking him as he slowed and stilled his own movements.
“I think,” Shouta gasped as he caught his breath and pressed a final, brief, hard kiss to Hizashi’s mouth, “That I’m done training for today.”
~*~
Hizashi was kinda bummed. After that afternoon in the gym, days slipped by and Shouta insisted on focusing on actual training and studying more than fooling around. Stupid finals. They still made out, of course, but it didn’t spiral into the kinds of activities that left them both very distracted for quite a while.
And Hizashi knew it was his own fault that they didn’t even get to kiss as much as he wanted to. Most of the time when they got together to study, Oboro was there with them, and Hizashi couldn’t shake the worry that somehow, the fact that he and Shouta were dating now would end up hurting Oboro.
And then, Hizashi worried that his worry about hurting Oboro meant that he was prioritizing Oboro over Shouta, and that would make him a pretty terrible boyfriend.
And then he worried that if Shouta broke up with him for being a terrible boyfriend, he’d have messed up his relationship and all his friendships in one go.
He groaned and buried his face in his hands.
“Uhhh, you ok there buddy?” Oboro asked. “You don’t usually have this much trouble with math when Shouta explains it.”
“No, it’s not the math,” Hizashi grumbled. He wondered if Shouta was right; every time Hizashi brought it up, Shouta insisted that if he was that worried, he should just ask Oboro about it. But even if Shouta was right, how the hell was Hizashi supposed to start that conversation?
“Is this about you worrying that Shirakumo is bothered when we kiss?” Shouta asked, not looking up from his notebook.
Uh. Well, that was one way.
“How did you-” Hizashi started to ask before realizing that maaaaaaybe he’d been bringing it up to Shouta more often than he’d thought.
“What?” Oboro laughed. “Why would I be bothered by that?”
Hizashi gaped at him.
It was one thing for Oboro to say he was ok with it, Hizashi pretty much expected that. It was something else entirely for Oboro to sit there and laugh like Hizashi was pulling his concerns out of his ass. Irritation bubbled up inside him, and he shoved his notebook to the side so he could lean in towards Oboro
“Dude, do you not remember the wholeass fucktastrophy that happened-”
Oh.
The fucktastrophy that had happened a week before Oboro got his head smashed in by a fucking building.
He probably didn’t remember it. Or, if he did, then probably not well.
“Look, things are different now!” Hizashi said, throwing his arms in the air. Since the conversation was started, he’d have it, even though apparently Oboro couldn’t remember why it was necessary. Hizashi would show his friends that they didn’t actually need to stuff him in a closet to get him to communicate! “It used to be the three of us as best friends, and now me and Shouta are in love, and I don’t want you to feel left out!”
At that, a tiny furrow appeared in Oboro’s brow. “Why would I feel left out?” At least this time, he sounded like he was taking Hizashi seriously instead of laughing it off.
Hizashi swallowed and glanced at Shouta, who’d never really gotten the whole story behind how the fucktastrophy had built up in the first place. Well, it’s not like there were any secrets left to keep about anything at this point. “When I first told you that I liked Shouta, you kinda wound up going overboard trying to be super close with him, cuz you got worried that things between the three of us might change if me and him started dating.”
“Is that what that ‘stuff’ stuff was about?” Shouta asked. Hizashi nodded, feeling a little sheepish; but at least Shouta didn’t seem angry or anything.
“After everything blew up, we pretty much got it all sorted out… but… things are different now, and I don’t…” Hizashi’s mouth stalled out on him as he tried to find the end of that sentence.
I don’t want you to feel the way I felt…
I don’t want to make the mistake you made…
I don’t want to hurt you…
I don’t want you to decide you don’t want to be around us…
“I just don’t want you to feel left out.” Hizashi crossed his arms over his chest and looked at Oboro, trying to read his expression.
“Now that you’re talking about it, all of that does sound familiar,” Oboro said slowly. “It’s a little fuzzy, but I remember that conversation… But… I dunno, sitting here now, it doesn’t feel like it makes sense. Sure, you two are in love with each other; but it’s not like I don’t love you both, and I know you both love me too, so-”
“Wait, what?” Hizashi blurted. That was nowhere on his bingo card for this conversation. He glanced over at Shouta, who didn’t seem nearly as alarmed as Hizashi suddenly felt.
“Dude, chill, I don’t wanna date either of you, sorry,” Oboro said with a laugh. “I mean, have you met Nemuri? That’s the woman for me! But friends can love each other too, ya know.”
“Ok, ok, hang on,” Hizashi said, because obviously he knew that friends could love each other, but- “That doesn’t fix the problem. Cuz even if we say that we all love each other, it still feels- I mean, aren’t I supposed to love Shouta more? But, I feel like I shouldn’t!”
“I dunno what you should feel,” Oboro said, scratching his head where his hair was still growing out, “What do you feel?”
Hizashi cast a guilty glance over at Shouta. “I- I dunno,” he mumbled. Shouldn’t he know?
“It’s different,” Shouta said, staring down at his own fingers, brow furrowed in thought. “It’s not more or less, just different. Once Kayama and Oboro start making out constantly in front of us, I might tell them to get a room; but I don’t think I’ll be bothered or worried that he’s somehow going to care about us any less. If Kayama tried to kiss you, though,” he added, looking at Hizashi, “I’d be bothered.”
“What if I tried to kiss Zashi?” Oboro teased, waggling his eyebrows.
Shouta rolled his eyes. “You wouldn’t kiss either of us,” he said, “So that’s-”
“And why not?” Oboro huffed, sounding almost insulted. “I’d kiss both of you!”
“I meant on the lips,” Shouta countered.
“So did I!”
“Ok, back up,” Hizashi said, not sure how exactly this train had gotten so off-track or what the hell it was heading towards. “You just said you don’t wanna date us, but you wanna kiss us?”
“S’not like that,” Oboro laughed. “With Nemuri, I want to kiss her. Like, all the time. I don’t feel that with you guys; but that’s not the same as saying I wouldn’t kiss you!”
“Like… the way you kiss us on the cheek?” Hizashi asked, trying to wrap his head around what Oboro was saying. Cuz Oboro just did that kinda thing… not a lot, but often enough that Hizashi had come to accept it as normal from his friend.
“Yeah, like that! Like a hug or a kiss on the cheek, it’s just another kind of affection as far as I’m concerned,” Oboro explained. “It’s not a big deal; but it’s not like I’d go around kissing everyone, only people I really care about.”
“So you wouldn’t be willing to kiss Sensoji?” Hizashi teased. Oboro’s face twisted up and he stuck his tongue out, making his distaste of the idea clear.
“Hard pass on that one. But really, Shouta, how would you feel if I planted a big smackeroo on Hizashi? Not to try and steal your man, but just cuz I love him the same way I love you?”
Shouta’s face scrunched up as he thought, and despite the push and pull on all of Hizashi’s emotional resources right now, he couldn’t help but feel his heart squeeze at how adorable Shouta was. Hizashi was always delighted when his normally stoic boyfriend’s face crinkled up into various expressions. It made him want to take pictures, to document each one. (Try as he might, he’d only managed it a few times; he was usually so busy staring that by the time he remembered to reach for his phone, the moment was over).
That wasn’t what he felt with Oboro. He didn’t usually think of Oboro as ‘cute,’ more like funny or maybe… endearing? He made Hizashi laugh and feel kinda… fond. But that difference didn’t make it feel like he cared less for Oboro.
Huh.
“I’d be less bothered than if Kayama tried to kiss him,” Shouta said, dragging Hizashi’s mind back to Oboro’s hypothetical question. “I’d be jealous, though.” His eyes flicked over to Hizashi. “Mostly I’d be bothered if he kissed you back.”
“No offence, Kumo, but Shouta is the only one I have any interest in kissing. I mean, wouldn’t you be jealous if Kayama kissed one of us? Or if we kissed her?”
“I dunno,” Oboro said, looking thoughtful, “Either way, I can say for a fact that I’m not bothered by seeing you two kiss each other. Please, feel free to make out as much as you want in my presence.”
“Now you’re making it sound weird,” Shouta sighed.
“Maybe the three of us are a little weird,” Oboro mused. “Something… different.”
“What are we then?” Hizashi asked.
“Idiots!” Oboro declared, and Hizashi couldn’t help burst into giggles as a fragment of his worry faded away.
*
After that very weird, but also kinda relieving conversation, Hizashi found the rest of his worries dissipating bit by bit. He and Shouta dating wouldn’t hurt Oboro, because the three of them already had something between them that was different.
When Shouta and Oboro left that evening, Hizashi spent a long time thinking about things. He thought about the whole idea of Oboro kissing him, or kissing Shouta. Just for a comparison, he imagined kissing Mushimori, or Kobayashi, and the idea was totally weird. They were cool classmates, and he was really good friends with Kobayashi; but kissing her would be super uncomfortable. Even like Oboro described it, in a ‘friendly’ way as part of a hug.
He thought about kissing Oboro, and it was… weird? He didn’t feel the urge to, not like how he always wanted to kiss Shouta; but it didn’t feel uncomfortable like the idea of kissing Kobayashi. He thought about the way Oboro would hug them, showing affection as easily as breathing, the way he already sometimes kissed them on the cheek…
Still, neither he nor Shouta would be giving or accepting any kisses like that from Shirakumo. He imagined Oboro kissing Shouta while Shouta rolled his eyes like he so often did when Oboro swept him up in a hug. The idea didn’t make Hizashi as jealous as the whole thing with Iida had, but the jealousy was still there.
It didn’t make him angry, though. Hm. Another thing that was different. And confusing. Hizashi decided he needed to stop trying to make sense of it all.
The three of them were undeniably a trio still, but Shouta was Hizashi’s boyfriend, and Hizashi was his. That was all that mattered.
Hizashi sighed as his thoughts started to spiral down another path that he’d been avoiding: telling his parents that Shouta was his boyfriend.
He put on his headphones, turned on his music, opened his notebook, and proceeded to continue avoiding it.
*
To Hizashi’s surprise, finals were actually pretty easy. Despite all the stress and chaos that had happened this semester - maybe even because of it, given that he’d focused on school work to avoid thinking about worse things - Hizashi had kept up with everything and done well, even getting top marks in a few subjects. Tutoring Shouta and Oboro helped him too, so that had worked in his favor.
So now, here he was. School was over for the semester, both Oboro and Shouta were home with their families for the evening, and there were only so many times he could tweak his script for his webcast. So he was thinking about things.
He really needed to tell his parents about Shouta.
It had been a month since he and Shouta started dating. Shouta never pressed him about it, but every time he saw the Aizawas, Hizashi felt a pang of guilt.
Maybe he could be super nonchalant about it? Just tell his parents ‘by the way, Aizawa and I are dating now,’ and they would go ‘oh, that’s nice,’ and that would be the end of it?
It was as good a plan as any.
He waited till dinner was over, though he spent as much time pushing his food around as he did eating any of it. He could feel his hands shaking. He didn’t know why he was so nervous, he was sure it would be fine.
Right?
He heaved a deep breath as he helped clear the table. “Just F.Y.I., me and Aizawa are dating,” he said as he finished with his dish and tried to leave the kitchen.
“Finally!” Dad zipped over to cut off his escape, wrapping him in a tight hug. “Congratulations!”
“I’m so happy for you boys! We were starting to worry that you two weren’t going to figure it out,” Mom added with a smile. “The way you’ve been looking at each other for weeks, it’s been pretty clear you’re both smitten.”
Guilt and irritation roiled in Hizashi’s gut as he realized he needed to give them a little more info. It had been one thing to ask Shouta to keep the secret at first; but he wasn’t gonna ask Shouta to maintain a lie about when they’d started dating.
“Yeah, uhh, we actually figured it out a little while ago,” Hizashi admitted, pushing away from his dad to get a little more space. “We’ve been dating since the weekend Shirakumo came home.” He hated conceding that his parents had any idea what was going on between him and Shouta, but it was better to just get this conversation over as quick as he could so he could escape.
“Wasn’t that when you were so upset?” Mom asked.
Ugh, of course it was gonna turn into Twenty Questions. “Yeah. Things were… complicated; but Shirakumo helped us sort it out.”
“I’m glad you boys have each other,” Dad said.
“That does explain why you were so worried about-”
“Mom, enough,” Hizashi snapped, not wanting to rehash all that old stuff. Yeah, he’d had some weird notions before about being bisexual; but he totally understood it now! Maybe his parents had helped a little with that, but the last thing he needed from either of them was any kind of input on his relationship.
Neither of them was qualified to talk about relationships.
“Hey,” Dad said sternly, “How about you calm down. There’s no reason to be getting snippy with your mom.”
Anger flashed hot through Hizashi as he glared at his dad. Snippy?
His jaw clenched, lip curling as his shoulders got tight. His parents were still standing between him and the door out of the kitchen.
Fine. He could show them ‘snippy.’
“How about you shut your mouth,” he snarled, his voice a low and dangerous rumble. “Gods, why do you still defend her, you’re so pathetic!” His parents stood there in stunned silence, and somehow that just made Hizashi angrier. “She’s made her choice, and guess what? It’s not you.”
Something insidious and cruel that had been growing inside him for years finally broke free, and shit, it felt good to spit the venom out at them. “Why do you keep doing this same stupid song and dance over and over again? Do you enjoy keeping yourself so fucking miserable?”
Gods, he hated them. He hated them both so much. Stupid and miserable, and he just wanted to scream at them. After everything, how dare they!
“I want a chance at something happy with Shouta,” he choked out, ignoring the hot tears streaming down his face, “How the hell am I supposed to do that when I’ve got you as my parents!?” He shoved past them, finally getting free of the kitchen, barely pausing at the genkan to shove his feet into his sneakers and grab his jacket before running outside and slamming the door behind him.
He shoved his hands in his pockets and started walking.
His mind was churning over and over, powering his legs as they took him further away from that fucking house. He’d been walking for a while before his rage cooled enough for him to reach for his phone to text Shouta and Oboro, to vent off some steam…
His phone wasn’t in his pocket.
It was up in his room. Plugged in and charging.
Well.
He wasn’t going back home for it. Not now anyway.
He looked up to see his feet had carried him to the train station. He didn’t have his wallet on him either, though, so he just kept walking.
The chilly air had felt like relief when he’d left the house so heated up; but now the cold December evening was getting colder as the meager warmth of the day continued to fade. He paused long enough to zip his jacket, then kept walking. He passed the park where he, Shouta, and Oboro had gotten stuck and had to climb the fence.
He kept walking.
Time ticked by in footfalls on the pavement. Hizashi calmed down, then got angry again.
Yeah, sure, Mom had explained things, about how she’d wound up married to someone she wasn’t in love with, but so fucking what? Hizashi couldn’t forgive her. He understood it, but he couldn’t forgive her for hurting him and Dad…
And he couldn’t forgive Dad for not being enough to keep her.
Because despite all his anger, Hizashi loved his mom. He hated the fact that she was going to build a new life with someone else.
He loved his dad and he hated seeing him so miserable because the person he loved couldn’t love him back the way he wanted her to.
He was so angry at them both, for hurting each other, for hurting him, and he hated it.
He hated his parents, he loved his parents. He wanted to run away from everyone, he wanted to collapse into a warm embrace and know he wasn’t alone. A tidal ebb and flow of emotions kept pulling him farther adrift.
Time passed. He kept walking.
There were fewer cars and less foot traffic now. The moon was bright in the clear sky, and the streetlights illuminated the sidewalk. He slowed as he approached a brick ledge on the side of a building; not exactly meant to be a bench, but Hizashi paused and sat on it anyway. The cold brick immediately started greedily draining away the heat from him. A trickle of sweat ran down his spine, and he wondered how long he’d been walking. It had been around seven when he’d stormed out. Maybe he should start heading home.
The thought of going back there only left him feeling empty and twisted up inside, though. Maybe he was better off staying out here a bit longer.
Come to think of it, he wondered where ‘here’ actually was. He looked around and nothing was familiar. He wasn’t worried - he was a provisionally licensed hero course student, after all; but without his phone or wallet, it was gonna make things difficult.
He wasn’t sure if he’d even paid enough attention to where he was going in the first place to properly retrace his steps, but he sighed and decided he should at least get himself back to his own neighborhood.
He stood up, wincing slightly at the chill that had seeped into his legs, and started walking back the way he’d come.