Chapter Text
That morning, Ian wakes up with the biggest smile on his face. Today is special. Today he and Anthony are going to go on a date! He giggles, kicking his feet. He waited for this moment for years. He lets out a little scream into his pillow. Anthony is going to officially ask him out today!
He immediately gets up. It’s already 9 AM. He should be extra pretty today. He should show Anthony that he picked the prettiest boyfriend ever.
He stands in front of his closet, taking a deep breath. What should he pick? He can’t wear his favorite blue shirt because it’s still at Anthony’s place after last time… He blushes remembering it.
They jerked off together. He wonders if they should count that day as their anniversary, or today. It wasn’t official yet, but that day they were already together, right? But he supposes it would make more sense to celebrate it on the day Anthony will ask him out. He shouldn’t count that jerk off session as their anniversary. Although they could still celebrate it in their own way… he laughs, imagining them spending their anniversaries jerking off together like that day.
He shakes his head. Today isn’t about being horny, it’s about romance. They are going to watch a movie together, they are going to drink milkshakes… hopefully they are going to kiss… And Anthony is gonna ask him out!
He giggles again, his whole body basically shaking with excitement like a puppy.
Anyway, he still wants to wear a shade of blue. He knows Anthony likes his eye color, he should use it to his advantage.
He chooses a blue short-sleeved button-up with a dinosaur pattern on it. There, fancy enough, right? That’s date attire. Not just some lame tee, he’s wearing a proper shirt. That’s what adults wear on dates.
Then he dives deep into his closet and finds the tightest jeans he can find. His mom says he can’t wear these because they are way too skinny, but he thinks if he’s ever gonna wear them, today is that day. He should show off his ass -ets, hehe!
He grabs the newest boxers he has. Yes, it’s not a horny day but you never know! Maybe they’ll get so emotional they’ll get carried away… Anthony is such a horny person, maybe he has different ideas.
He giggles again. Actually, he pretty much keeps giggling all morning, to the point his mom asks him what’s gotten into him, but he keeps it vague.
When she calls him for breakfast, he immediately drops everything and runs to help her out. He hasn’t told her the truth yet, even though sometimes he gets a feeling she might already know. He is planning on telling her after the date, if it all goes well. He needs to be sure first.
Before Anthony comes to pick him up, he should get ready. He dresses up but that’s not enough. He’s happy with his outfit choice but he wants to do something with his hair.
He stands in front of the mirror and puts a ton of hair spray in his hair, brushing it down to make the perfect cute bowl cut. It’s falling over his forehead, making a cute curtain over his eyes. He thinks he looks cute enough. He looks at his face next, wondering if he should wear makeup. Would that be too much? He looks around and finds his sister’s mascara that he stole not long ago. Just a little bit won’t kill anyone, right? Just to show off his eyes a little.
He knows he has lipgloss somewhere, he keeps it hidden, but where? He starts rummaging through his room until he finds it. He likes wearing it, just a touch, when nobody’s home… It looks shiny but subtle enough, and he can rub it off when his family comes back. He cheers when he finally finds it. He wants to be brave and wear it today. He bites his lips to make them fuller, then applies the gloss all over them. Okay, now he’s ready.
His lips look so pretty like this, maybe Anthony will think about kissing him today! He giggles again at the thought.
Just when he’s finished looking in the mirror, he hears the horn of Anthony’s car. He picks up his phone and runs to the door. Thankfully he manages to rush past his mom before she can notice his face. He rushes out a quick bye and he’s out the door.
Anthony spent the last three days texting this girl non-stop.
Luckily she didn't take it too personally if it took him weeks to respond. She seems to really like him. That's good. He thinks he likes her too. Well, she's pretty and she's kinda nerdy? That's enough for him.
He feels like they are in a good spot. He might ask her out. He would have already, but he already promised Ian they'd watch a movie. Maybe he'll ask her out next week.
He gets ready and drives to Ian's house. He can feel his phone buzz in his pocket, she must be texting him again. Honestly he is a little annoyed at how clingy she is. He told her he'd be hanging out with his best friend and she said she understood, but clearly not? But he can't tell her to fuck off or she won't date him. And he really needs a girlfriend right now.
He hasn't been able to look his mother in the eyes since last time. He needs to prove to her that she's wrong - even though she isn't.
He lets Ian know that he's here and waits for him. While he does, he checks his phone. He doesn't have the time to reply to her, so he puts it away again when he hears Ian open the car door and get in. Anthony looks at him. He stares for a moment without meaning to. He can't explain why but Ian looks extra pretty today - fuck, he can't be thinking that gay shit! He needs to get it together!
"Hey, man. Ready to go?" He asks, trying to sound nonchalant.
He forgot the effect that being so close to Ian has on him. His lips look so pink and pretty. And it's made worse by the fact that Anthony knows how they feel on his when he kisses him.
Ian smiles at him. He tucks his hair behind his ear and looks at him through his lashes. He blinks for good measure, making sure he notices how cute he looks today.
“Yeah, I’m ready.”
“Okay.”
Anthony turns to look at the road and he pulls out of the driveway.
Ian blushes and looks down. This date is gonna be so good, he has a good feeling about it. He hopes they’ll kiss at the end. He checks himself out in the mirror to see if his makeup is still okay. Maybe he’ll refresh his lipgloss when they get home.
“Where are we going first?”
Anthony forces himself to keep his eyes away and keep them on the road. He clears his throat awkwardly.
“We are going to Blockbuster first, I want to make sure we have time to browse for the movie. We said we were going for Mr and Mrs Smith, right? But we can see if there’s anything new too.”
It’s not that far, in a few minutes they are already there. When he gets out of the car he feels his phone buzz. While Ian gets out of the car, Anthony takes his phone and checks the new text. This girl is getting on his nerves before but she just sent a joke that’s pretty funny, he can’t help but chuckle quietly. He types a quick response just so she won’t feel like he’s ignoring her completely. He pockets his phone and looks at Ian.
“Let’s go in.”
Ian watches Anthony laugh at his phone. He raises his eyebrows but he says nothing. Maybe it’s his brother or something? He tries not to think about it too much.
He smiles back as they start walking inside.
“Okay!”
He almost reaches out to hold his hand but he stops himself. It’s too soon, and they are in public. What is he even thinking? It’s okay, though. They can hold hands at home.
He starts looking through DVD covers, waiting for Anthony to catch up to him. He smiles, looking at him. He’s blinking so much to show off his lashes, he feels so dumb, but he has to make sacrifices if he wants to show him what a pretty boyfriend he is.
“How does this look, ba– Anthony?”
He almost called him baby! Oh, god.
Anthony peruses the shelf and comes to stand next to him. He looks at what the other is showing him and smiles at him.
"The cover looks cool, what's that about?" He takes the case from Ian's hands and turns it around to read the synopsis on the back. "Interesting." He looks back at him. "If you want we can get it."
His phone buzzes. He hands the case back to Ian and opens his phone to look at the text.
He quickly types a response and puts it away. He looks at him once again, finding him looking.
He just shrugs and taps him on his arm.
"Let's go pay. I wanna go get a milkshake after this, maybe something to eat too. How about some fries? What do you think?"
"Yeah, let's do that then."
Anthony is trying so hard not to stare at Ian. It's impossible for him to deny how he feels now. He knows he has a crush. He knows he's bi. He knows Ian is the one, maybe the only one he'll ever love like this. But they can't be together. He can't date a guy, he can't handle that. He's scared.
So he pushes through and swallows his feelings. He pays for the DVD and they head back outside, get in the car, and drive away.
He stares at the road ahead. He can't bear to even glance at Ian. He looks so beautiful, too beautiful.
In a few minutes they stop and get out of the car to go get their food. Anthony could feel his phone buzz the entire time, he thinks Ian might have noticed too.
While they wait in line, he checks his phone. Jesus, this girl texts a lot. He thinks she's flirting with him. He does his best to flirt back but he's been distracted so he's off his game. He just types something cheesy and calls it a day. It seems like no matter what he says, she's into it, so whatever. It's going well. Maybe she'll want to kiss when they meet, maybe something more.
That would be good. Touching some boobs would set him straight - pun intended.
Ian’s excitement for this date is starting to fade away, honestly. Why is Anthony acting so disinterested today? Did he change his mind? And yet he still showed up today, so what gives?
He watches Anthony text someone while they wait in line. At least this time he isn’t giggling. Maybe he’s busy with something else, maybe his family needs him so he has something else on his mind… but he still came to pick him up.
Now that he thought about it that way he feels bad for judging him. Clearly Anthony wouldn’t just let him down. He came today even though he’s busy with family drama, just because he didn’t want to miss their date!
Ian smiles brightly when Anthony orders for both of them. As soon as he gets the food he opens the bag and shoves a couple fries in his mouth. Anthony is holding the milkshakes for them, which makes his heart melt. Anthony is being so considerate. Ian’s smile is basically reaching his ears.
He takes a fry and offers it to him, playfully presenting it before his mouth like it’s a little plane coming in.
“Aaaah… open your mouth, baby.”
Anthony wasn't ready to hear that. He freezes, staring at Ian for a couple seconds. Did he mishear it? Ian probably didn't mean it that way, right? That's so... that's so gay . Calling another guy ‘baby’? That's so... that's something they might do if they were dating, maybe.
He nervously glances around to make sure nobody heard, but it's clear no one did or at least no one seems to give a shit. Okay. Good. They are safe.
See? This is the type of shit he worries about, and exactly why he can't date Ian! What if someone picked up on that and reacted badly... Anthony shudders a bit.
But, well, Ian is offering him a fry. It's right in front of his mouth, he should eat it. Even though he is blushing, he opens his mouth and he accepts the offer, taking it from Ian's fingers with his lips and eating it.
"We should, um... head home? We can enjoy these while we watch the movie."
Even being seen in public with Ian suddenly feels damning, as if anyone looking at them could tell the huge crush Anthony has on this boy. He looks away because he can't stand to look at him directly.
"Let’s… uh, let's just go before the fries get cold." He adds.
Ian is still smiling from watching him accept his fry and blush at the cute gesture. It makes him giggle. It’s obvious Anthony is being shy around other people. Ian gets it, he blushes a little too.
“Okay! Let’s go watch out movie together~”
He follows his (boy)friend back to the car. He’s so happy and filled with love he can’t stop himself from skipping a little on the way there.
Anthony is glad he'll get to drive, at least he will be forced to look at the road instead of at Ian. He can't take it. Why does Ian have to have this effect on him? Just one word and Anthony's heart is racing. He tries to calm himself down as he starts the car and drives them home.
At least once they get home he'll feel safer. His mom is home so it's not like they can do anything weird again. They'll be in the living room, where anyone could walk in. He tries to breathe slowly and manages to stop freaking out.
When they get there, he brings the milkshakes inside and leads Ian to the couch.
"Hi, mom!" He greets, getting a "Hello honey! Hi Ian!" in response from her.
"We'll be in the living room."
"Okay!" She pokes her head into the room and smiles at them. She takes a good look at Ian and her smile widens. "You look so nice, Ian. That looks good on you, doesn't it?" She says, trying to prompt Anthony to agree.
He frowns slightly, unsure what she's talking about. He looks Ian all over until his eyes focus on his lips again. So pink and pretty, almost shiny…
Ian blushes deeply, not just because it’s a compliment but because she’s acknowledging his makeup and she seems okay with it. He put it on to look pretty for Anthony, he didn’t consider that they’d be in his living room where his mom could see him too.
He looks away, playing with his fingers. “Um, thank you.” He mumbles. “I just– it’s just a little something, it’s not that good. I thought it’d look good, you know, it’s nothing big.”
She smiles sweetly at him. "Well, I think it looks great. We all gotta start somewhere. If you want any tips let me know."
"What?" Anthony is even more confused, so he looks at Ian, and he really looks. He keeps his eyes on him longer than he's done all day, trying to understand. And he finally notices. He knew something was different. Now he knows why. "Are you wearing makeup?"
Why? Ian only wears it when he's playing a girl in a sketch - a thought which serves to remind Anthony about the last time he saw Ian in makeup... he suppresses the memory of lipstick stains in places where lipstick doesn't belong.
He swallows, almost chokes and coughs awkwardly.
"Uh, y-yeah it looks nice I guess." He mutters.
He can't berate Ian for doing gay shit, not in front of his mom. She's being so supportive. He doesn't want to be an asshole. He can see the blush on Ian's face, god he's so cute… Anthony is going to die today. Before the day is over his soul will leave his body. Ian is really doing everything he can to make it obvious, isn't he? It's not like Anthony is blind, he can see it. Ian is trying to seduce him or something. Fuck. And his mom already thinks they are dating so of course she's not gonna think anything is weird right now. Anthony is fucked, he feels like he's being ambushed by these two.
He won't date Ian, he won't do any more weird things with him! In fact, he's going to ask out that girl right now. Fuck waiting.
He shoos his mom out of the room and inserts the DVD in the player, then sits on the couch and fiddles with the settings.
"Sorry about my mom." He says, rolling his eyes.
Ian sadly watches her leave. He didn’t even get to thank her properly, he wanted to ask questions. She’s always so lovely to him. He wonders if she knows this is a date, if Anthony told her anything. That thought makes him blush harder. If she knows, it means she thinks of him as her son-in-law. And she wants to help him with his makeup!
This thought warms his heart. He’s too shy to ask his sister or his mom, but he’d be okay asking her, he thinks. She’s not a stranger, she’s Anthony’s mom, she’s basically family - his soon to be mother-in-law.
He brushes off his mild embarrassment and playfully hits Anthony’s shoulder.
“She was trying to help, you dummy. Nothing to be sorry about. It was actually very thoughtful of her to offer, I should thank her later. Anyways, let’s watch the movie.”
Anthony shrugs, trying to act casual. Even just Ian bumping shoulders with him makes him almost jump out of his skin, he's so tense right now.
"Yeah, let's watch it." He says, pressing play.
He settles comfortably on the couch, but not before taking Ian's milkshake from the table and offering it to him. He might be freaking out but he's still gonna be nice. He doesn't want to date Ian but he doesn't want Ian to hate him either.
A few minutes into the movie he takes his phone out of his pocket and he starts typing. It's a risky text but he doesn't give a shit at this point. He's like 99.9% sure this girl will accept anyway, she's so into him. He asks her if she wants to grab something to eat next saturday. He closes his phone but he doesn't put it away, he keeps it in his hand and tries to focus on the movie or at least act like he's watching it.
Ian happily sips on his chocolate milkshake, thinking about Anthony making him comfortable and handing it to him. God, he’s already a perfect boyfriend, so thoughtful!
He should be watching the movie but he’s watching Anthony instead. He notices him text someone yet again. So this isn’t a family thing… He’s talking to someone else, but who? Ian tries to be rational and not act like a jealous girlfriend right off the bat, but he can’t help himself.
When Anthony puts away his phone and looks back at the screen, Ian tries to focus on the movie too. He doesn’t want to look like a creep, staring incessantly. But when Anthony’s phone buzzes again, he can’t hold back anymore.
“Who’s that?” He asks casually, trying to sound uninterested.
Anthony smirks triumphantly when he reads that she is eager to go on a date with him.
Although he didn't expect Ian to ask, he supposes he should have expected it. He's been texting all day, Ian was bound to notice. Anthony shifts his weight a little, slightly uneasy.
"Oh, just this girl from my class..." He says, somehow without choking. "We are going on a date next weekend."
He tries to say it casually but he can't even look Ian in the eyes while he says it. Somehow he knows what he's doing is wrong. He can't even explain it, he just feels it in his gut.
“What?”
Ian’s jaw drops. He stares for a couple seconds, trying to process those words. He blinks rapidly. His brain can’t connect the dots. His brain doesn’t want to. Here’s Anthony, sitting there, saying he’s going to take some random girl on a date like it’s nothing. While he’s on a date with Ian! Well, at least that’s what Ian thought, but apparently he was mistaken.
Clearly he greatly misinterpreted the situation, since Anthony is so shamelessly talking about dating someone else.
Suddenly he feels his blood boiling. He can’t even hear the movie anymore, his ears are ringing. His heart is pounding so loud. He feels like he’s about to have a panic attack. He’s so angry.
“We are on a date right now . I’ve waited for this day for weeks. I couldn’t even get a blink of sleep all week, and you’re telling me you’re gonna go on a date with a girl?!”
He stands up. He should leave. He doesn’t know what else he’s supposed to do. He should get out of here fast, but he can’t stop himself. His heartbeat is drumming in his ears. Fuck Anthony. Fuck Anthony. He can get fucked. Fucking asshole. He’s squeezing his cup in his hand. He should just go, but his hand is faster than his legs. Before he knows it, he’s thrown the cold drink in Anthony’s face, causing him to gasp.
“I came here today expecting it to be a date, but you used me!” He starts screaming at him, not caring if Anthony’s mom hears him at this point. It’s all over anyway. It doesn’t matter anymore.
“You keep using me every time you’re horny,” he continues, “Like I’m a fucking sex doll! You made me fucking suck your cock! You used me! I thought you were in love with me, and all this time you were just using my body!”
Tears start streaming down his face. He’s not done yet.
“I fucking put on makeup! Just to look pretty for you, you fucking piece of shit!”
He quiets down, chest heaving.
“Hope you’re happy with your new girlfriend, you asshole. Ugh, I hope she leaves you and you never find love again! Because I won't.”
He’s never shouted this much, or said so much about how he feels. He feels like he’s gonna pass out.
He turns away, ready to walk away but he stops himself. He looks back at Anthony’s shocked face that has milkshake dripping down his chin.
“Oh, and I hope that nasty cock of yours never finds another hole to fuck. It was the most disgusting shit I’ve ever put in my mouth.”
Anthony is so shocked by this sudden outburst, all he can do is sit there and stare. When the milkshake collides with his face, he gasps but he doesn't do much else. He looks at Ian with wide eyes and a pounding heart. He fucked up. He knew he did before any of this happened, but he didn't think it would be so bad.
He watches him leave. He's hurt by his words but he can't fight. He knows Ian is right.
Worse of all, as soon as the door slams shut and silence falls over the room, Anthony becomes aware that his mother is standing in the doorway. She probably heard all of it.
His face burns and his ears ring. He knows he must be entirely red in the face. She heard about Ian sucking his cock. And she heard about Anthony hurting Ian's feelings, which right now feels worse. He can see the shock on her face. He looks away, using his already dirty shirt to wipe milkshake off his face.
She walks deeper into the room. He doesn't need to look to know she's crossing her arms and glaring at him.
"Anthony! Is that true?"
He wishes he could disappear. He doesn't want to hear this.
"Mom, please, there's no need-"
She scoffs angrily. "Anthony Daniel Padilla, I thought I raised you better than this! I'm so disappointed in you. I'm ashamed. I can't believe my son would act like this."
"Mom..."
He can feel tears prickle in his eyes. He squeezes his fists closed and stares at the floor.
"I have no words for this behavior. Ian is such a sweet boy and he adores you. This is how you treat him?!"
"Please, I know..." he mumbles, but she's not taking shit from him.
"This is disgusting. This is the man you've become?"
"It's not like that."
He wants to die. This is ten thousand times worse than last time she talked to him about Ian. He much preferred that.
"Clean up and go to your room. And think about what you've done."
He nods and stands up.
"And give me your phone."
"What?" He finally looks at her. "Mom, I'm nineteen, you can't punish me like I'm a child!"
She just glares. "You can have it back when you've proven you understand what you did wrong."
He is about to cry. His lip wobbles. "I know I messed up."
"Oh, you know?" She asks sarcastically.
"Mom, come on."
She holds her hand out. He has no choice but to hand over his phone. He sheepishly walks past her and goes to the kitchen to grab some towels to clean the couch and himself. She stands in the corner watching him, his phone in her pocket.
Tears started falling down his face. She really has no sympathy for him? This is humiliating. But part of him understands that he deserves it. When he's done cleaning he stands up, still looking down. He quietly goes to his room and throws himself onto his bed, burying his face into his pillow, and he lets out a sob.
Fuck. He fucked everything up. Ian hates him, his mom hates him. He doesn't even give a shit about that girl, why did he do this? Shame creeps up on him. He knows the way he's been treating Ian isn't fair. He just... he just loves him so much he got scared. Can't a man get scared? It's terrifying. He's never felt this way about someone before, and if he were honest about how he feels... he'd be in a gay relationship. His mom already thinks he's gay. But he's not! He's just... he's bi at most, okay? He likes girls but he also likes boys but none of it matters because the only one he wants is Ian. Every other boy or girl might as well disappear, Anthony wouldn't even notice.
Ugh, he's such an idiot. Ian probably doesn't want to talk to him anymore. Anthony destroyed their friendship. And even if he wanted to talk to him he couldn't, because his mom took his phone! UGH!!
Ian runs all the way home with a million things going through his mind. He doesn’t stop crying until he’s at the door. He can feel mascara running down his face, so he wipes it off with his arm. He furiously wipes off the lip gloss too.
He doesn’t have a key with him so he’s forced to knock. When his mom opens the door, her eyes widen with worry. She must think something bad happened, which is true. He runs past her, mumbling a quick “I can’t talk right now, mom.”
He steps into his room and instantly starts to sob again, openly this time. He throws himself onto his bed and continues crying into his pillow. His heart hurts so much. This is his first heartbreak and it came from the person he trusted the most. He will never talk to him again. And he’s never gonna fall in love again.
He eventually falls asleep when his sobs quiet down, leaving his mom to worriedly watch him from the doorway.