Work Text:
Nothing—just absolutely nothing—was going well for Jake. He lacked support from his parents, and he had tried everything that made him feel better in sad moments.
He tried grabbing his headphones and listening to music, but it didn’t get the thoughts away. He tried writing, it didn’t take his mind off things. Drawing on a drawing app, it didn’t take his mind off of things.
What Jake felt right now was the need to cry and let it all out, but he’d look pathetic. His eyes then began to fill with tears and he brought his hands to his face.
Jake just layed on his bed, his hands covering his face so his sob would be muffled. He didn’t want to sound pathetic, but nothing was going his way. Everyone still saw him as a girl, but he wasn’t. Was he? He’d always been confused as to why he’d gotten thoughts of being his opposite gender, because he thought he was a girl. He felt useless, very useless. This was just a phase, wasn’t it? It certainly didn’t feel like one.
He hated this, he hated himself, he hated people at school, he hated everyone. But did he? Or was he just being overdramatic and overreactive? He felt like he was distancing and pushing people he loved away, and he felt like it was his fault. He felt selfish about ir, but he didn’t know how to stop it.
How does he stop this? Why can’t this dysphoria just go away!? Shawn was understanding, wasn’t he? He called him Jake when he wanted him to, but that was in private. So did he really? Jake hoped so. That’s what families are supposed to be: nice, sweet, caring, understanding. But that’s not what it was like in the Hamilton family, he wished he had a different family. But there’s no changing events that already happened. He sure wished his mother and father supported him, was it that hard? If he had a child, he’d support them. He was always called 'Julia' every single day, but he knew he wasn’t her.
And he never would be. After a few tears, he then fell asleep.
He hoped tomorrow would be better, he always waited for the day he’d get supported. But would that ever happen? He didn’t know.