Chapter Text
Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing and silence settled on them, the previous warfare forgotten
“I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT” Hu Tao starts jumping around the room before walking over to Zhongli and squeezing him. Xiao watches her with growing panic in his eyes, he was trusted with Morax’s plan and gave it away almost instantly.
“My lord let me just say I’m so sorry for this, I will repent in whatever way you see fit. Forgive me”
“Am I the only one who didn’t have the common sense to assume a random regular bloke was a fucking god?!” the harbinger is scowling at the floor clearly upset about something, Ganyu walks over to him and pats his back trying to comfort him before addressing the room
“Well at least the fighting stopped”
“Everyone calm down. Hu Tao you are not to mention this to anyone OK” Zhongli sighed, already too many people knew of his divinity and he hadn’t even been officially retired for a week
“Chillax old man, hehe you really ARE an old man, but how come I was the last to find out no one else here is particularly shocked?”
“Well obviously the Adepti know who I am”
“Oh yeah well it explains why Xiao and Ganyu spend time with you but what about Childe and that random girl we found earlier”
“What girl?”
“THE ONE BEHIND YOU isn’t your memory supposed to be timeless? Do we need to check you into bubu pharmacy for a dementia assessment?”
“Do you mean Venti they’re a… well I’m not quite sure what they are but it's certainly not a girl”
Venti’s gender would always remain a mystery, with him neither denying or agreeing whenever questioned
“Ehe”
“Well anyhow how does he know? Unless oh god don’t tell me he’s some fancy ass immortal being too. What sort of creatures does Mondstadt have”
“I am certainly no creature. You will just have to figure it out yourself”
“Well, I seem to have a knack for it so I will find out”
“Wait how did Childe find out”
For the first time since the incident Childe and Zhongli made eye contact
“Now now comrade that’s hardly important now is it. All that matters is that Zhongli is a two-faced lying bitch” Childe laughs but it's obvious he’s hurt by the statement
“Childe- “
“Anyways I should be off now that Xiao is done with me. See you next time he threatens my life” with that Childe walks out of the parlour leaving a distressed Zhongli in his wake
“Ahh so that’s why he’s mad at you. Well, it is kind of your fault, when you have the sort of relationship you had with him, knowing what species you are is basic information”
“I wanted to tell him but it’s not like I could, I take contracts very seriously and I was bound by the tsaritsa too not mention it too anyone regardless of my relationship with them.”
Venti, who was hovering in the door way finally joined the conversation “Well well well Morax who was that” Venti smiled mischievously at the older man “And why are you calling him a child, sure he’s on the younger side but that just seems a little mean I expected better from you. Not everyone can live for 6000 years'”
“Childe is his name?”
“Who names their kid child?”
“it’s a nickname”
“Ok so what’s his actual name?”
“I- “
“Oh, archons don’t tell me you don’t know, I thought that girl said you were close”
“Aiya I almost forgot we haven’t been properly introduced yet; I am Hu Tao the 77th director of the Wangsheng funeral parlour. I’m Zhongli’s boss ha imagine being the boss of a god”
“Woooow the Morax I know would never be bossed around by a… hey kid how old are you?”
“20” Hu Tao winked at him before returning to her desk, propping her legs up onto it “so Zhongli let’s talk about Childe”
“Please archons no I don’t want to hear about that scum bag. Morax, can I leave now, my demon hunting duties are soon”
“Heyyyyy Xiaoooo~ it’s been too long. You haven’t even said hi to me yet, I’m wounded.” Venti pouts at the Yakasha forcing their eyes to tear up in false hurt.
Xiao stares at him whilst his face starts to turn pink “I-I’m sorry uhhh?” he stutters, making sure not to expose another archon.
“I’m Venti the bard remember Xiao” they wink cheekily at the boy “I’ll come visit you tonight if you want, whip out the old flute y’know.”
“You know them to Xiao? And what do you mean by that Venti, you guys aren’t doing naughty stuff are you” she grins at Xiao who is becoming increasingly red throughout the current conversation.
Zhongli, still in the doorway, sighs “Hu Tao, Venti leave him alone Xiao Ganyu and Yanfei you can leave if you want, I don’t mind either way.”
“Why don’t we all have a bit of fun tonight” Venti pulls out to bottles of osmanthus wine from behind his back and tosses one to Zhongli “heard you were looking for someone who shares the memory old pal, look what I had specially imported to the dawn winery”
An hour later all 6 of them find themselves sitting on the funeral parlour floor, most of them heavily drunk. As it turns, out osmanthus wine is known for being so strong it even effects immortals greatly, much to the delight of Venti. They hadn’t shared a bottle for quite some time and Zhongli’s resilience has greatly depleted since then, especially with the resent loss of his gnosis. The only 2 still sober where Ganyu and Yanfei, feeling the need to be responsible for the group, surprisingly Xiao had excepted the wine, probably to not come across as a coward to the archons. With it being wine made for immortal, Hu Tao was passed out quickly and was now lying on Yanfei’s lap, the pink haired girl stroking her fingers through the others long hair.
Lil time skip (only like an hour) Hu Tao POV
She was woken up from her drunken slumber to Yanfei suddenly jumping. Raising her head she could make out shocked expressions on everyone’s faces and a weird sniffling noise from in front of her, craning her neck further she could see the source of the noise, Zhongli, well that explained the shocked faces. The room was now silent, everyone’s attention was on the usually emotionless adepti who was now covering his face with his hands and mumbling something about people leaving him.
“Heyy Zhongli” taking the initiative Hu Tao drags herself off her girlfriend’s lap to skuttle over to him “What’s wrong?”
“Childe is mad at me and I don’t know what to do!” He sobs, his usually neat hair falling out of place as he desperately rubs the tears from his eyes.
“Awh come on now Zhongli I’m sure he will get over it. I know it seems bleak now but it’s sure to get better and if it’s really bothering you this much, I can help you. I’m an expert in romance you know, Xingqiu and Chongyun didn’t get together by themselves”
“I don’t need help romantically I just need him to be able to look me in the eye again without grimacing. You didn’t see his face when he found out and plus most of Liyue hates him now that will make him feel even worse” he’s in hysterics now so she goes over to give him a hug.
“Yeah, I doubt he’s even allowed in Wanmin anymore he’s probably going to leave for Sneznaya in the next few days so try and apologise by then.”
“I didn’t consider him leaving. Oh, dear this is quite the predicament what ever can I do?” Venti helpfully buts in “Well I could always help you as well, of push comes to shove I can fly you over?”
“Venti don’t be an idiot” Zhongli pushes his friends away and stands up “I should be going to sleep now, although it isn’t necessary it does help me feel mortal.” He dries away the last of his tears looking as if nothing had happened and leaves the room.
“What about me? I thought I was staying in that guy's room tonight?” Venti asks
“Y-you can stay with me tonight if you require a room.” Xiao is blushing profusely, having just woken up from his drunken stupor and bowing down
“Hmm I suppose I will take you up on that offer. And no need for the bowing no one does that anymore.” Venti grabs his hand and drags him to the nearest window so they can fly off to Wangshu inn. “Thank you for your hospitality, Hu Tao I will return tomorrow for a day of sight-seeing, have a good rest. And goodbye Ganyu it’s been quite some time since I last saw you” he nods at the girls before jumping out the window with Xiao (completely forgetting they are only on the ground floor and there isn’t much jumping, more like falling awkwardly on top of each other before Venti's wind current can carry them off). Leaving Hu Tao, Yanfei and Ganyu alone in the deathly silent funeral parlour.
The next day Zhongli awoke with a start, he felt like absolute shit, and that wasn't a word he said (or thought) lightly. Hastily looking at the ornate clock resting on his bedside table he realised he was severly late for work, hastily pulling on a fresh set of his everyday suit, the brunette raced downstairs to meet his over eager boss for the day.
“Hiya Zhongli! Well, well someone's awfully late today, honestly, I'm surprised you showed up at all, I certainly wouldn't if I was you.” Hu Tao greeted him with a giggle, thinly concealing her concern for the older man.
Worry started pulling at Zhonglis stomach, a feeling of vulnerability he hadn't been feeling since the resent loss of his gnosis, washing over him once again.
“Good morning, Director, I simply was distracted by a good book and forgot to set an alarm, my deepest apologies, you know me always forgetting the important stuff.” He grinned unsurely, recounting the many times his companions berated him due to that issue.
“Are you sure you're, ok?” Hu Tao lowers her voice shuffling her desk chair closer to the apologetic man “I know last night was hard for you, no one would blame you if you spent the day reflecting. I don't mean to be the bearer of bad news but your aware you may not have a lot of time left before you know who says goodbye for good. Your job is hardly a matter of life or death... sort of.” she grins sheepishly, lightly pushing him towards the door.
“However, if you're feeling well enough to work then why don't you get out and about for a bit!”
With a sigh Zhongli accepts her order, after all there was no way, he’d truly be able to put his all in at work with such a cloud hanging over his head. Thinking back to last night's hazy conversation, Xingqiu and Chongyun huh?
Naturally he knew of the two young boys, they were renowned in Liyue for being quite the troublesome duo, Xingqiu being a well-mannered, chivalrous heir to the Guhua clan, an extremely prestigious and wealthy group among Liyue, and Chongyun a quiet exorcist in training with a strong passion for this job.
Hu Tao hung out with them a lot, having acquainted herself with most of the vison having youth during trips out in the harbour, though they weren't exactly the most accepting of her eccentrics, they certainly had a higher tolerance than most, which was a commendable trait.
However, from her dynamic story's he pieced together a wildly different description. Xingqiu, whilst well-mannered to most he met, was a notorious prankster, often going to the extent of public damage to carry out his silly plots. Chongyun on the other hand, was the victim in this scenario, due to a strange condition, the likes of which even Zhongli wasn't knowledgeable on, he was susceptible to overheating from the smallest thing, meaning spicey food was a big no no. Due to this, Xingqiu delighted in spiking the poor boy's food, taking him to warm places and generally provoking his delicate constitution. Whilst the gold eyed boy was always careful to reimburse those around him for his mischief, Chongyun never seemed quite that lucky. Which is why it was a massive shock when Hu Tao came back from a day of ‘advertising’ (read harassment) in the town, claiming that her dear friend Chongyun was in love with none other than his tormentor.
At the time Zhongli didn't care much for the petty gossip of the harbour, too engrossed with the bigger scheme of things when it came to dealing with gnosis’s but now that little tit bit of information seemed relevant. Since then, the two young boys' relationship certainly developed, with Xingqiu pulling off an elaborate confession which the ice wielder gleefully accepted (Hu Tao claims that she was the cause of this, that it wouldn't have gone so smoothly without her behind the scenes meddling. Zhongli somehow doubts that).
After that they've become known as the harbours no1 couple (in some odd contest called ‘shipping wars’ Zhongli didn't care to know about, from Hu Taos endless excitement and competitive spirit over the subject it was bound to be nothing but trouble.), many teens and preteens idolising their perfect relationship and clear closeness, wanting the same for themselves. Feeling a bit foolish but otherwise out of hope, Zhongli decides that at this point they’d be his best bet when it comes to advice. Heading out the door finally, he waves goodbye to Hu Tao and starts making his way to Wanmin Restaurant.
Obviously, there was no way of knowing where abouts in the large nation of Liyue 2 young whipper snapper could be hiding, but Wanmin was his best bet. The restaurant was owned by a cheerful older man (but practically youthful by Zhongli's standards) by the name of chef Mao, helping him out in the kitchen was his young daughter Xiangling, while only 14, Xiangling was a god in the kitchen and paired with her endlessly positive attitude, perfect for customer service, and her mastery of the ruby red vision she kept clipped on her hip, customers flocked in on the daily. Zhongli, as a regular visitor of all sources of cuisine in his beloved home, was certainly well acquainted with her, after all it was Childe's favourite place to eat. The young girl reminding him of his younger siblings, he quietly admitted one night after having a glass too much, staring fondly at the hard-working teen.
Zhongli felt cold, suddenly stopping in his tracks much too the confusion of the people around him.
Turning to servery his surroundings he found he’d made his way to Wanmin successfully, the muscle memory of long-gone dinners guiding him to hid destination.
Thankfully, he was correct in his assumption, for there the two blue haired boys sat, Xingqiu feeding Chongyun some of his carrots with a smirk. Oddly enough, a wave of jealousy crashed through the ex-archon, how peculiar. Shaking his head he walked over to the duo, disturbing their little date.
Coughing lightly, Zhongli catches the attention of the two. Xingqius face moulds itself to a polite smile, hastily dropping his chopsticks back into his bowl and turning to face his elder.
“Ahah, my apologies Mister Zhongli, I didn't see you there.” He chuckled awkwardly “Was there something you needed us for?”
The teen looks up at him expectantly. Zhongli gulps, how does he even broach this subject, for the first time since meeting the little gremlin, he wishes Hu Tao was here right now.
Noticing the expression of deep anxiety on the usually calm and collected Zhongli, Xingqiu pales, kicking the chair opposite him out in a silent invitation.
Sitting down at the ornate table, Zhongli feels a slight burst of confidence “Good morning Xingqiu, Chongyun” He bows his head at each of them “I must admit i am unsure of were too begin, I am here under the recommendation of Master Hu” That was a lie he quickly thought, or was it, technically it was her who gave him this idea although her intention had been for him to ask her about her relationship meddling's rather than the much younger, less familiar by products. Suddenly he felt like this was a very bad idea, looking at the startled expression on the young boys.
However, Xingqius face lightened at the mention of the young boss, discreetly letting out a sigh of relief. “Yes, yes I've heard about your situation from Hu Tao, I must say though I'm shocked your here so soon? Are we really on the top of your list for people who can help? I know Hu Tao certainly didn't recommend us if her whining about our own stupidity is anything to go off.”
Ah so he knew he was lying, that's embarrassing. No matter, at least the ice was broken now.
“Too be honest I'm not sure who else to ask, despite my grand knowledge of the city I'm not close enough with any of the inhabitants to feel comfortable asking anything this personal. From what I've heard your relationship is something to be admired, I've even heard some talk about you ranking number 1 whatever that means.”
Xingqiu turns noticeably redder at the mention of the rankings.
“Well, I can't say I can give you the best advice out of anyone here but since it is I you've chosen I am honered. I'd be much obliged to help you uncover the answers you are looking for. As for our renown, yes it does seem people have taken quite the liking too us, though i wouldn't believe their delusions if I were you, no relationship is perfect As for being number 1... I'm shocked you haven't heard of the rankings before to be frank. After all, a man with your face is obviously highly ranked.”
That shocked Zhongli, he of course knew he was conventionally attractive, this form was custom made after all. But how did that corollate to this character? And even more curiously what was it even for.
Noticing his look of bewilderment, Xingqiu excitedly explains.
“Ah ah ah you truly are more clueless than you appear. Finally, A subject I can best the prestigious mister Zhongli at!” he briefly cackles before clearing his throat “Theres a popular ranking system that has been going around lately, it goes by many names, as most unofficial things do, but is commonly recognised as ‘the shipping wars’!!” the book worm does jazz hands, grinning widely as Zhongli looks on, possibly more confused than when he first asked the question.
“Yes, Master Hu has mentioned those before, is it some sort of illegal military practice? If Liyue has come up with its own unsupervised navy that could be truly worrying, we must find a way to shut this down.” Zhongli spouted with unnerving passion.
Xingqius quite snickering now turns to deep laughter as he desperately clutches at his poor boyfriend, who has stayed notedly silent during this whole conversation trying to slurp down his cold noodles. After a solid minute of laughter Xingqiu continues.
“NO NO ARCHONS NO! Shipping isn't about boats at all, let alone fighting. Shipping is short for relationship, basically everyone's voting for their favourite couple, it starts off within each nation, then the top couples from each meet to go through a series of challenges till only one is left, trying to gain popularity from the audience. I don't mean to brag but me and Frosty over here” he lightly nudges Chongyun causing him to choke on a noodle “Won, well out of Liyue participants at least. We’ve had a solid 3 years of being Liyues representative, ever since we came of age to compete, but alas no global win yet.” Xingqiu sighs with a look of remorse. “As for you, well, you've ranked quite highly over the years, what with being the most attractive bachelor in Liyue people are desperate to see a romance where there isn't one. Thats somehow even better than trying to date you themselves.”
Zhongli would have had to be deaf to not have heard the many rumours surrounding him... but still it was shocking to hear it went to this extent.
“But anyways this isn't what your here to discuss after all”
Xingqiu quickly gobbled up the last mouthful of food on his dish and donned a more serious expression than during his idle chat about his accomplishments.
“First of all, fill me in on the situation, Hu Tao hasn't gone in detail other than saying who your upset about. Shocking considering her usual lack of tact, she must really care about you. Or has finally recognised when stuff is urgent.” Xingqius amber eyes bore deep into his own.
“I suppose I can't really say, the conflict is locked behind numerous contracts the likes of which could finish someone like me off if i broke them. But I'll try and summarise as well as i can.” Zhongli pondered for a moment, desperately trying to think of a way to explain the severity of the situation without single handedly damning the whole nation.
“Let's just say... I lied to him about my intentions were as well as a large part of my identity. Well i can only assume that's what it's about, I haven't ogtten the chance to asl due to him avoiding me. Now I've heard that he's leaving for Shnezaya awfully soon and I would hate to leave things on such a bad note. I wouldn't want to tarnish his memories of Liyue either, but how can i possibly explain!”
Xingqiu looks blankly at the older man
“No offense but this does kind of sound a bit irredeemable, what on earth did you lie about?! Did you try and coerce him or something because I refuse to help you there Mister Zhongli.” He looked at the brunette warily
“Gods no nothing like that!” Zhongli exclaimed waving his hands Infront of him “I won't deny I'm in the wrong and I truly can't say much about the situation to you. But more so I lied about my involvement in his job?”
At that the blue haired boy's eyes widened.
“YOU'RE WORKING WITH THE FATUI?”
“No no not like that.” Zhongli sighs rubbing his temple “Look. Don't read into it. I see the situation is beyond needing advice. Thank you young Xingqiu.” Zhongli makes a move to leave.
“Wait! I may not know the situation, but I'll give you the best advice I can think of with what you've told me. It looks like Childe is probably feeling insecure in your friendship, thinking it's all a lie. Try and reassure him your intentions towards him aren't suddenly different. But most of all try and understand where he's coming from, if he needs space let him have it. I know you don't wasn't him to leave but it may be best to just let him gather his thoughts back home. Try your best to make it up to him but don't over step if that makes sense?”
With that Zhongli smiles sadly and stand up again.
“I understand, I'll take your words to heart thank you truly.”
Xingqiu returns his smile and briefly waves before turning his attention back to his neglected boyfriend.
“Now where were we darling.” His eyes fill with mirth as Chongyun flusters before they both start giggling at each other's expression.
Zhongli takes that as his que to finally leave the restaurant, thanking Xiangling for letting him stay as she knocks into him on her way to no doubt interview the two boys on what the prestigious Master Zhongli wanted with them.
Making his way back to the funeral parlour he's in a daze. How was he supposed to follow Xingqius advice if Childe wouldn't even look at him? Was letting him be truly going to be the best solution? Would forcing an interaction go against any remaining trust? (Yes, yes it would).
By the time he gets back the sky is a dusky grey, his ponderings causing the journey to take much longer than usual. Hu Tao is waiting for him at the reception desk when he opens the door.
“Zhongli! Welcome back! It's awfully late what on earth have you been up too?”
Zhongli sighs, he's had too long of a day to deal with this.
“Hello Hu Tao, I have simply been discussing... matters with your dear friends Xingqiu and Chongyun, they were much help with my current predicament.”
“Oh ho ho I'm sure they were, please indulge me Zhongli. What advice did Xingqiu give you? Not that I doubt him but he wasn't exactly the most profound when handling his own romantic affairs.”
“I found my conversation with him rather enlightening actually. Obviously, I couldn't explain the true reason for Childe's anger so I had to improvise, but i think his advice is worthwhile. He told me to either leave him alone or make it up to him.”
“For once I admit I actually agree with him. "Hu Tao looks thoughtfully at Zhongli, noticing his worn-out expression and oddly hunched posture “Well off to bed for you old man. You have a guest.”
Hu Tao winks at him and finally leaves the main floor, traipsing up the stairs to the upstairs apartment. While nothing lavish, the living area in the Wangsheng funeral parlour was up to Zhongli's standards. It contained a bathroom, which he stocked with proper herbal medicinal supplies and washes, a main bedroom and (luckily for him) a guest bedroom. The other employees had their own homes to attend to but Zhongli, being fresh out of archon hood with no plan or mora, was lacking in that respect. Thankfully, Hu Tao had an empty bedroom after her late grandfathers passing and allowed him to stay there, and fill the place to the brim with overpriced artifacts and remedies. He suspects she was rather desperate for company so that demolishes any guilt he’d feel about imposing in her home.
As he watched her scurry away, he caught a glimpse of her own room. In contrast to his bedroom, Hu Taos was much more sparce in decoration, boasting traditional Liyuen furniture no doubt passed down from her parents own collection. On her bedside table was a well maintained young plum blossom in a pot, much like the one adorning her hat which was currently hung up on her wall above it. It was a very respectable room in Zhongli's opinion, such high-quality furniture was that too be envied, even if he had the same in his own room, and the overall colour scheme of dark wood and wine red was very pleasent on the eyes. However, this is Hu Tao were talking about, no way shed be satisfied with just that in a room. On the walls there were many posters depicting characters from various books she enjoyed. Another notable thing was what sat within her rosewood shelving set, a rather large collection of manga the most populated being one showing a boy who looked suspiciously like her on the cover. On her bed she had a few warm blankets, despite running hot due to her vision, and a scattering of pillows and soft toys. When asked about why she covered her bed in such clutter she insisted it was because it was cute and cosy and who was he, a man who practically had filled every space in his own room but the bed to judge her on that, which honestly was a very good point.
Noticing him spacing out on the landing, Hu Tao popped her head back around the door, now dressed in her brown silk pyjamas (with light red flowers embroidered up the leg, seriously this girl was lucky with her possessions what a fabulous piece) with her hair untied. “Oh, by the way, before you start getting ready for bed you may want to know there's a guest waiting for you in your room.” With that she shuts her door and he can distantly here the creak of her getting into bed.
Who the hell would be in his room at 11 at night?