Archive of Our Own ^beta

Dear Jinx, 

I hope you receive this letter and I hope even more that you read it.

I hope you are well. 

It took five days to write that. 

You might be wondering why I even sent a letter, to a place I only vaguely know you are in. 

I debated even sending it, but I felt that something had to be done, if only to let you know. 

Because you deserve that much, at the very least. 

This was part of an exercise in gathering evidence on the case of your disappearance. 

In the cleanup after the battle we found the body of your father Vander, laying at the bottom of the Hex Gate. 

Vi gave him an honorable burial in Zaun, the first to be interred in the new Cemetery of Remembrance, where all the victims of the Noxian invasion are buried.

All of them, Piltoverian and Zaunite, if their families allowed it. 

The majority did. 

I had written this in the hopes of achieving something.  

We never found your body and I personally looked into it. 

After collecting all the evidence, I had concluded that you had escaped alive. Something that became more and more evident as I sent out inquiries for information all across Runeterra. 

Until we found Vander's body, Violet believed you dead. Afterwards, she would not consider the possibility of your living. 

It was inexplicable to me. 

The very first thing Vi did after I freed her was to find you. It was the one thing that drove her all that time, the one thing that nearly tore me and her asunder when I was at my worst. 

I had hoped to do something. 

I had hoped by collecting as much evidence as I did and perhaps even contacting you, I could present it to her and lighten her spirits. 

She is despondent, Jinx. 

She hides it well and for the most part seems as functional as any of us can be after such an event, but I see it in her eyes. 

You and I both know what Vi looks like. So full of life, a roaring engine that fate itself cannot stop. 

But now it feels like she is lost. 

Like a part of her is missing. 

I thought to present the evidence. 

In her words, she told me to 'put it to rest.' 

-

You and I have a complex history. 

It took a day to write that line. 

Complex indeed. But as I write this I am coming to the conclusion that, I think, you yourself had made:

To break this vicious cycle that has caused us so much pain, someone has to walk away. 

I cannot put into words the complexity of what you are to me, Jinx, but I hope you believe me when I say I truly respect you for being strong enough to make that choice. 

I do not know if it is something you even wish to read about, but I want to tell you about a day in your sister's life, how she keeps on finding the strength to rise and greet the sun every single day.

Because a part of me feels that you deserve to know. 

At the very least, I owe you that much. 

-

Most mornings we wake together and have breakfast. Afterwards she will head off to deal with any unfinished business from the night before, usually this is meeting with Sevika or going out into the Cities. 

(Sevika holds a seat in the Council now, in case you have not heard. Violet acts as something of a liaison between her and me in my capacity as Sheriff, as well as an (unwanted) advisor. 

They are not the best of friends, but they make it work.) 

For midday we might meet for lunch, or she will visit Ekko in Zaun or assist with reconstruction efforts until the evening. 

Then we try to have dinner together, discuss the day and relax. 

Then she will go to a place I have never followed and I dare not to. 

Somewhere in Zaun perhaps, or on the bridge. 

She tells me that it's a place you and her have been, a place she holds dear. 

Every evening Jinx, without fail. 

-

Only you and Violet know what transpired up in the Hex Gates. I cannot fathom it, having to fight your own father.

For what it is worth, I offer my condolences. 

I hope you have read this. 

I hope, for Vi's sake, that you are well. 

She mourns, Jinx. 

I try my best and she and I are finding more and more things that we love about each other as time goes on. 

But I cannot ever fill the space reserved only for you. 

I hope you are well, Jinx.

With all the honesty I can muster, with all the sincerity, I hope you are well.

My Best Most Sincere Regards,

Caitlyn. 

Dear Jinx,

I hope this letter finds you well. 

Perhaps you were not expecting it. 

If I can be honest, I never planned to write it. 

Or even to send it once it was done.

The last letter was already an emotional exercise. Perhaps you scoff at the thought and I would not blame you. 

We have a difficult relationship, you and I. 

I have thought on your words, the ones you said to me when you were imprisoned. 

With words it can be difficult to be honest, the emotion of the moment clouding your judgement.

I hope by writing I can convey with more truth what I feel. 

In this spirit of honesty, a part of me still hates you Jinx. 

You killed my mother. 

But you did not know. 

It hurts Jinx, to not have her presence in my life. 

But, far too late and far too futilely, I realise I am not innocent either. 

In my actions to pursue vengeance I committed terrible, horrible things that she would have disowned me for.

I would have deserved it. 

Me and Vi had a very deep talk yesterday, which is what prompted me to write this. 

We talked about her childhood, how you and her grew up in the Sump. She remembered the fond moments of your mother and father, them coming home and filling your heart with care and love. 

She remembers the first time she held you, Jinx. 'Just as a tiny little baby, so small I thought she might just shrink!' 

She said that your mother could never separate you two and your father gave up trying, simply carrying you both at once. 

Because where there was a Violet, there was a Powder Jinx (Powder). 

(I am sorry, if that caused you any distress.)

It was the first time in a long while she spoke fondly of her past.

I did not see her for the rest of that evening. 

-

I realise now, far too late and after far too much has been done, that you are a victim too. 

You and Vi should never have lost your parents. You should never have had to scrounge and steal to simply survive. 

If the world was fair you and Ekko and your brothers would have attended Piltover Academy, or perhaps Zaun's own. 

But it is not fair, is it Jinx? 

You know that. Vi knows that. 

I know that.

You railed against it.

Against fate itself. 

(Like a certain someone I know)  

It hurts, that my mother was caught in the crossfire. It will always hurt. 

I cannot write that I forgive you. I do not know if I truly do, and in any case that is a conversation to be had face to face, if ever there is a chance.

But I hope you believe me that I understand I am coming to understand the world that made you. 

I do not know if it is worth anything, to say these words. 

Perhaps I am simply talking to the wind. 

But something my mother taught me is that we cannot hope to make anything happen if our words remain as words. 

Lines on a page that no one will read. 

I am sorry, truly sorry that you and Vi had such a difficult life. 

I promise you that I will do my best to make Vi's life the best it can be, the best that she deserves . 

And I thank you, for letting me take care of her. 

She misses you, Jinx. 

I hope you are doing well.

My Kindest Regards,

Caitlyn. 

Dear Jinx,

I hope you are well. 

And I hope you are receiving these letters, because someone is. The courier service I hired prided themselves on delivering to the right people anywhere, so I hope they are true to their word. 

It had been one year since the Battle for Piltover and much had changed in the Sister Cities. 

Much has also remained the same, for good or ill. 

Violet seems to be breathing easier, if only a little. She still visits wherever she visits during the evening but now it is with a feeling of some sort of satisfaction, where before I would notice the tears upon her return. 

She has become a person of note, her work and restless energy has had her working on both sides of the river.

She is an Enforcer

She is a kind of Enforcer, Jinx. A Special Deputy, one of few allowed to cross the river without the Council's full approval. 

I hope this news does not bring you distress. 

I still remember I will always remember our battle in Janna's temple. 

I am sorry for trying to shoot when Isha bravely defended you. 

I am sorry for your finger too, though Vi tells me you had a fix for that issue. 

She said it quite proudly, I have to add. 

I have come to understand

Vi and I have had many deep conversations about what being an Enforcer means. Deep and difficult conversations. 

I was so ignorant of the world outside these brass-capped towers, so blind to the sheer injustices of it all. 

I hope -I truly hope- that you believe me when I say I am trying to change things. I know it must be difficult and I understand if you cannot stomach to read any further past this. 

But I am trying Jinx. 

Me and Vi both. 

The enforcers can no longer enter Zaun without the full approval of the Council and that means getting Sevika to agree. 

I'm sure you can appreciate the idea of anyone even trying. 

Some on that chamber still act in the old way, interested only in their own wealth or thinking too high mighty for their own good.

Councilwoman Sevika however is not a force to be so easily brushed aside, and she has allies, especially among those that remember how in our most dire moment the people of Zaun came to our aid even after everything that had transpired. 

There is a statue of that event, erected right there where it happened at the base of the Hex Gate, the brave people of Zaun with nothing but their grit and their guns charging a line of Noxians. 

Sevika is at the front of course and it did interesting things to the woman's pride when it was revealed. 

Ekko is there too. 

And of course, yourself. 

Your inclusion was contentious, and that is an understatement. 

But it would not have been built without you being in it. 

Sevika would have nothing less. Ekko would have nothing less. 

I vouched for it too. 

Vi would have added you in regardless. 

She still misses you, of course. She will always miss you. 

We still tiptoe around the topic of you, even though it is better than it was before. Much better. 

She talks fondly of your past more often now. Reminisces about those sweet moments you had as a family. 

I have tried to say that you are still here, out there somewhere having your own grand adventure I'm sure. 

I feel though, that she still cannot stomach the idea of you and her being so far apart. More to the point, that you willingly chose to die for her. 

She loves you so much Jinx. 

But I am coming to understand how such love can feel suffocating. 

Vi continues on as she always will, doing her best to help the people she cares for. 

We have grown closer and I am proud to say that I love your sister and that she loves me and I am so grateful for that love. 

I hope this is what you wanted to achieve by leaving. 

But Ekko said something to me a while ago that seems quite pertinent now;

That taking a leap forward means leaving some things behind. 

I hope you are doing well. I truly do. 

I continue to respect your strength in making the decision you did. I do not know if I could have made the same. 

I hope I never have to. 

I will continue to care for your sister, and love her in all the ways I can. 

I hope one day I can convince her of the love you have shown by making the choice that you did. 

Keep yourself healthy, Jinx. 

My Best Regards,

Caitlyn. 

Dear Jinx,

I hope you are well. 

Thank you, so much. 

I truly did not expect something like your return gift. 

I hate you for it, we are still cleaning out the glitter, but I thank you nonetheless. 

It means that you are reading these. 

That makes me feel better, truly. 

It is remarkable, isn't it, how easy one can converse through letters. Without having to think on the moment, without the emotional drive, with the chance to go back and change your words to fit just right. 

I must be honest and say that I don't know how I would talk in person. I hope I can be as honest as I am in writing if that time ever comes. 

While I was surprised and (eventually) pleased, Vi's reaction was more mixed. 

She denied it, at first. Demanded that we find this prankster and teach them a lesson. 

Even though I could tell she knew it was you from the start. 

That was an interesting night for both of us. 

We tried to talk, to have a healthy conversation and finally put this issue to rights. 

I hope in some way I came through to her. I think I did, but it is still too soon to be sure. 

But I also learned in that moment how truly deep the wound she had been carrying is. 

I cannot explain it Jinx, there are no words for the depth of the hurt your sister feels. 

I can only say that you must know how she loves you, how much you mean to her. 

That Vi without her family is the sun without warmth or the sky without clouds. 

It is as if this pillar of her very being has been taken away. 

I do not write this with the intent to hurt you Jinx, or punish you in some way for your decisions. 

I write with the intent of being as honest as I can, because you deserve that much from me, because you deserve that much for simply being a person. 

I will continue to love Violet. I will continue to support her as best as I can and give her everything that I have to give. 

But I am not her sister, Jinx. 

I do not want you to feel as if you made a mistake. I am not the one to decide that in any case, and I hope you do not see this as me finding glee in your absence because I have never once felt that. 

I can only state honestly and plainly that I will continue now and forever to love Violet. 

I hope you are doing well, Jinx. 

And thank you. 

All the best,

Caitlyn. 

Dear Jinx,

I hope you are well. 

Happy Birthday! 

Though, by the time you receive this the day would have long since passed, but the sentiment remains. 

I am writing it on your birthday. 

I have heard you are in Demacia City, or in the Kingdom of? 

I remember going there once as a child. It was before the Hex-Gates so it was a four-month journey via airship. 

I remember it being one of the grandest places I have ever seen, older than Piltover, far more assured of itself if such a thing was even possible. 

I remember trying Demacian hunter's chicken. I would suggest it, if you can. It had such a delicious flavour.

The wine, I think. 

Vi had asked if I minded her celebrating this day. 

I was surprised she would even ask. 

We did not do it in the manor though, still a complicated thing; your presence and what you mean to me personally, much less the issue of what my father would think. 

But for Vi I would move any mountain, so we went to Ekko and held a little celebration in the grounds of Vander's Home, or the Last Drop Orphanage, the name is still being decided. 

It was a building site so hardly a place to host a real party, but it was only us three. 

I was happy to have left Vi and Ekko there, for it to simply be the two of them, but they insisted I stay. 

I was honoured. 

They told me all about Vander and his kind-heartedness in taking you and your brothers in and taking care of Ekko as well. 

Oh, I hope I mentioned it in my previous letter but in case not, Vi and Ekko, helped along with a number of donors and volunteers, have cleared the remains of what was once your home in the Last Drop and are now planning to build an orphanage there. 

They thought it an appropriate thing, to continue Vander's legacy as a caretaker and father as well as to care for the many unfortunates that had been affected by the war and everything else. With generous funding they intend to not only make it a place to care for those orphaned but also a school, a nursery and a community center, open to all that need it.

One of the wings will be the Isha Wing, a name that I suggested. 

I hope you do not mind. 

And Jinx. 

Vi asked about you. I told her a long while ago, when I wrote my last letter, about us and this exchange we have. 

She never told me to stop, or said anything about it other than to express her surprise. 

But she wanted me to ask if you want anything inside to be named after you. 

She misses you Jinx, she always will. 

She still visits her special place, but not every evening now. 

I don't know if she will ever be comfortable with your absence, but I hope you believe me when I say she is improving. 

You should see her

She is such a force Jinx. Every day she tries to make her world a better place. 

Some children are even starting to look up to her and we have discussed, very often even if it seems to be idle chat, about her taking children from Piltover and Zaun and having them have fun together. Or her starting a gymnasium for youth of all backgrounds.

She is a natural with children. 

I suppose you would be familiar  

She has so many ideas Jinx, so bright, so hopeful for Zaun and Piltover. 

Things are still difficult here of course, we cannot change long ingrained attitudes overnight or even in one lifetime. 

But I assure you with the fullness of my conviction that We. Have. Made. Change. 

Step by step. 

Block by block. 

Heart by heart. 

I hope in time, if you ever return, that you will do so to a place that you will not find familiar for all the right reasons. 

It is difficult, Jinx, but we are all moving forward. 

I hope that, wherever you are, you are also finding your feet. 

Vi still loves you though, for no force on this world will ever change that. 

I would be the first to stand in their way if they tried. 

With Vi's loving regards,

Caitlyn. 

Dear Jinx,

I hope you are well. 

Enclosed are two hundred gold coins and maps with annotated suggestions for routes out of the Kingdom. 

I suggest going to Freljord, the Ironspike mountains are a formidable barrier and Freljordians are fiercely independent people. 

Also, really? 

Assisting a mage rebellion? 

For the love of Janna, stay bloody safe. 

Caitlyn. 

Dear Jinx,

I hope a winter in Freljord has cooled your impulses. 

I also hope you are well. 

You had us all terrified. 

Vi was ready to march to war, all practicality be damned. 

News of the mage rebellion has reached us in earnest and it's the hottest topic on the streets, though it seems details about your specific activities have yet to reach the general public. 

We are thankful. 

Not that we are glad they think you are dead, just that I know some of them will start celebrating you causing another international incident and with my luck the Demacian diplomats will hear about it and cause a ruckus. 

But honestly, we are thankful you received our last letter, at least according to our courier service. (Amazing people, those yordles.)

I say we, because Vi was the one to demand we assist you in whatever way we could. 

You should have seen her Jinx, all steam and churning gears. 

But, I have to say, she calmed down after only a little reassuring. 

She even said 'I hope she knows what she's doing.'

Perhaps it is wishful thinking. 

But mayhap, the elder sister is seeing the younger as grown up. 

I have to say though, with all that I have heard about how horribly they treat mages in Demacia, I cannot fault you for doing what you did. 

I did not expect such a thing from you. 

Though, perhaps, I should have. 

They put up a statue of you in Zaun, next to the one of Vander. It is well visited, marked with graffiti and offerings of flowers, bullets and grenades. 

(Ekko had to put someone in charge of making sure nothing blows up, though I'm sure you would have found that amusing.)  

In any case, many people remember you Jinx and what you did for them 

'Their Big Fat Hero' Sevika calls you. 

Maybe it runs in the blood. 

All the best Jinx, and stay safe,

Caitlyn. 

Dear Jinx,

I hope you are well.

We are glad to hear you are no longer on the frontlines of a rebellion, though I don't know if robbing Noxian warlords is a better change. 

Though I must convey Vi's trepidation when we heard the rumors of a blue-haired woman causing chaos in Noxus, I must also pass on her inordinate pride of you 'sticking it to those war-pig assholes.' 

She was happy to have heard about you after so long, even if it was only through rumours and unsubstantiated reports.

You should have seen it Jinx, Vi coming home waving a newspaper about the 'Terror of the Noxians.' 

I have not seen her smile so wide like that in a long time. 

I must warn you though, Mel Maderda is a Warlord now, if you remember her. I do not know if you two had ever met, but she was one of those in the Council Building when you fired that rocket. 

She asked if the rumors were true, that it was you. 

I told her I did not know. 

I don't like lying Jinx, not least to someone who saved my life, but I feel I have to warn you that while you may be hitting her enemies now, Noxus is in a state of flux. 

I suggest you get out of there while you can. 

I have enclosed more maps, made from our best knowledge of the region. 

Ionia is a good time to visit this year, I hear. 

Though, Piltover is not so far away either. 

I am sorry. I do not want to be presumptuous. 

Just that, even though I have not read a reply from you in person, writing to you like this and knowing you read it all makes it seem like we are building a rapport of sorts. 

I hope that is the case. 

In other news, Vander's Home has been open for a little while now and is seeing great use. The last time I was there I was nearly trampled by a stampede of little ones, all eager to hear stories and be taught lessons and to simply have a place where they feel safe and can have fun. 

Vi and Ekko are so very proud of it Jinx. 

I am too. 

Though, I must raise my brows at the notion of calling the classroom the Wind-Up-Workshop, but I suppose it is not the worst in the list you sent us. 

Im sorry, but I had to veto Boom Boom Balloon for the toilets. 

Even though it was very funny

I hope you continue to be well, Jinx. 

Vi does too. 

With my our kindest regards,

Vi and Cait. 

Love you. 

Dear Jinx, 

I hope you are well. 

Thank you so much for the gifts you sent back. 

Though I will be honest, I did not find the stress balls to be as entertaining as you might have intended, especially with how you violated it with your drawings added your own flair to them, but I accept the gift in the spirit with which they were given. 

Vi loves her oversized pillow, though again I must question the addition of my image on it. 

Thank you though, it was a very generous rendition. 

I wonder if Vi knows you saw me naked before she did. 

I do not believe for a single moment any of them are 'local specialties' as you described. 

But thank you, for writing all the same. 

Vi keeps the note with her at all times and in the evenings when she thinks I am asleep I can hear her reading it over and over again. 

Reading your words. 

She is so, so very happy Jinx. 

She smiles as brightly as the sun shines to have something of you close to her again. 

Since you wanted to know, here are more details about Vander's Home:

The day to day operations are managed by Scar, a former Firelight and Ekko's second-in-command. 

Though Vi and Ekko would have loved to run it themselves, and they often come in to discuss matters of importance with Scar and the rest of the faculty, they have other responsibilities. 

And as loving as Vi is with children and capable as Ekko is as a leader, neither are fit to run an establishment such as that, something they admit themselves. 

Still, it does not mean they are merely symbolic. While Vi continues her duties as a Special Deputy and is also now an official Liaison Officer between Zaun and Piltover (a formal title to recognise the work she already does), she also runs workshops in The Home, teaching fitness and martial arts. 

Ekko is now a recognised Community Leader, though the title is a Piltoverian one to write on official dispatches rather than actually used. The Firelights have transformed from guerilla fighters to the equivalent of Zaun's own Enforcers Community Support Officers. 

(Again, a Piltoverian title.)

They help people; assisting recovering shimmer addicts, busting the shimmer smuggling ring, destroying the last of the Chem-Baron's influence and help arbitrate disputes as a neutral and well-regarded party. 

Ekko's community is an example for the rest of Zaun to follow.

You should see it, Jinx. A Zaun that is slowly learning to trust again. 

Anyway, Ekko also assists in The Home by running his own workshop providing engineering classes, though he says that it's often making art rather than making any gadgets in particular. 

They run a regular Innovator's Competition and it is fast becoming a feature of the local community, many are eager to put in the effort to learn and win. 

There's even a party afterwards to celebrate.

(Ekko is a surprisingly good dancer.) 

We might, perhaps, have the beginnings of Zaun's own Academy. 

Though, this far in the future and we can keep this thought between ourselves. 

Ekko talks of you sometimes. We and him have built something of a friendship, mostly driven by our mutual appreciation of Vi and our shared aspirations of building a better future. 

I am eternally proud that I have his trust and I swear to you I will not break it. 

He speaks of you fondly. I do not know what Vi has told him and he has politely told me that what happens between you and me is our business, not his. 

He said that if you are ready, he will be there. 

If I can speak for my love, I feel Vi also echoes that sentiment. 

I, myself, would also like to see you again. 

If ever you are ready. 

Safe travels, Jinx. 

With Love, 

Caitlyn. 

PS:

Sevika said that if you ever showed your head again she would cut it off and mount it on a spike. 

I am going to assume she did not appreciate the gift you sent her. 

I must ask though, just between you and me:

Why did it make her blush when I asked what it was?

Stop making me cry you big sap. 

Im coming. 

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