Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Lloyd had seen death many times in his life. First it was Zane, then his father, then it was Harumi and after that he stopped counting.

But Nya’s death was probably the hardest. Nya was the big sister he never had and he couldn’t thank her enough for doing such a good job. But now it was too late. She gave her life to save all of them and now she was gone

Lloyd had never had seen the monastery that empty before. Jay’s sob, Cole’s training and mechanic sounds coming from the lab by Zane and Pixal were louder every day.
Lloyd found it hard to get up every morning but he had to. For her. He knows that if he didn’t, she would have scolded him. So every morning, he gets up.

At night, it was even harder to sleep. He couldn’t stop thinking of her, and sometimes his pillow was wet by his tears

On one day, it was late at night and Lloyd was freezing. Usually he just had to knock on Nya’s door and she invited him to join her in her bed. Lloyd had the best nights of his life when he was crushed by his big sister.
But now her door was closed.

Lloyd got out of his room, wondering if he could wake up someone else, but he didn’t have the heart to do it. Everyone was so tired lately.
He walked through the hallway and automatically stopped by Nya’s room.
He stood there. Can he go there ? Would she allow him to do so ?

Before he could think of anything else, the door open slightly.
Probably the wind, but a tear rolled down on Lloyds face.

His big sister was telling that it was okay
He walked on the room, her bed was done, dust was starting to lean over her stuff.
On the bed, one hoodie was resting
Her favorite hoodie
It was a gift that Lloyd made for all of them

Nya’s one was teal but the sleeves were fading into different colors : blue, red, black, green, purple and white
Everyone of them had the same but with their colors
Trembling hands made their way to the hoodie
Nya left it there, waiting to come back to put it.

Slowly Lloyd put the hoodie on, it was a bit big for him but he didn’t care. He softly went into her bed and curled up.
He took a deep breath and the smell of a salty sea came to his nose
He closed his eyes and feel into sleep knowing that even though his big sister wasn’t there, Nya was still watching over him

Chapter Text

Zane’s emotion meter was off. He couldn’t stand the sadness that he felt every single time he walk by Nya’s empty room. He noticed that since she died, his productivity was decreasing and he couldn’t bare the feeling of being useless to the team.

So every morning, every noon and every night, Zane was the one cooking for his family. He didn’t smile or felt any positive emotion. He just dit it robotically even though they never sat together again.
Kai and Jay didn’t went out of theirs rooms, and Pixal didn’t have to eat. Cole and Lloyd were the only one who were coming when dinner was ready. Zane ate with them every single time but he never said anything. What was the purpose anyway? He couldn’t feel anything now. Obviously Cole noticed that something was wrong with the blond but didn’t say anything.

After dinner, Zane went into the lab where Pixal was. Since Nya’s death, she barely came out of the workshop, always building or fixing things.
Zane sat beside her and started to work on a old project

He didn’t hear the first time when Pixal asked if he was okay. The second time, she took his hand and locked eyes with him. She asked again. He frantically answered yes. Her eyebrows furrowed. She asked if he turned is emotion off. He didn’t answer this time, he just stared at her. She closed her eyes and got up.

She walked by the door and before going out, she said one thing. That one thing made Zane’s eyes widened even though he wasn’t supposed to feel anything

- She wouldn’t have wanted you to hide your feelings.

Zane turned to looked at her but she was gone.
His eyes began to drift to the wall in front of him. A few pictures were hanging on.

They were all taken by Nya after they got her a Polaroid for her birthday. There was a picture of Pixal, Jay, Nya and him all smiling. She used to call the 4 of them the mechanic gang. On the rest of the pictures, there was everyone on different events or just sometimes she just took them in pictures when she wanted. She had hanging them up to “remember all of the memories”. He liked that idea.

On his desk, one picture was not on the wall. It was a picture with the two of them. Nya was smiling with all her teeth and Zane didn’t realized that she was taking them in picture. He remembered that day. He proposed to take another one when he was ready but Nya declined. She wanted to keep this photo just like that.

He took the picture in his hand and closed his eyes. Pixal was right. Nya would have yelled at him if she knew that he was hiding himself like that.
He calmly opened his chest panel and flipped his emotion meter. Before he could realize, a tear rolled down his cheek.

The next day when he walked by his sister’s door, he smiled softly. He put his hand into his pocket and took out the picture. Yeah, he was feeling sad but now Nya’s smile was telling him that everything was going to be okay.

Chapter Text

Cole’s training was getting harder every day. He kept going until his hand were bleeding or until he barely passed out
But he couldn’t stop

That’s was his way to deal with grief. And oh boy he knew grief.

So every morning, every afternoon and every night, he was training
He didn’t talk much, sometimes when Lloyd asked him something he answered but he didn’t feel like talking. But he has to stay strong, for the team.
So he didn’t cry. He cried way too much when his mom died so he wouldn’t let this happen again.

When Zane was making dinner, he was there, when Lloyd needed to talk, he was there, when Pix needed help in the workshop, he was there. He was also there to bring Jay and Kai some food.
They didn’t talk but Cole was fine with that

When he got hurt, he knew how to deal with the bleeding, Nya was the one that showed him. So every time his knuckles were red, he knew what to do. He knows because his sister showed him how to deal with it. But now, she wasn’t there to show him.

One day after training, he decided to go for a walk on the beach.
The air was a little chilly but he didn’t really care. His feet were sinking into the sand and his hands were resting in his pockets.

Suddenly he felt his eyes getting heavier and heavier, so he decided to lie down on the now cold sand. The moon was the only light on the beach and the blue water looked like a pale green.
He slowly closed his eyes and let out a sigh.

When he opened them again, he was standing in front of a person. He couldn’t see her face but he immediately knew who that was.

His mother. He was in a dream, a dream that he was way too familiar with. When she died, every night for years he was dreaming of the same scene. His mother quietly singing a song that she used to sing for him and when he approached her, she was looking at him with disappointment. Sometimes, she would say something that broke his heart, sometimes she just stare at him with that look.

He was having that dream once again. Lilly was singing once again that same song while her back faced him.

So like he has done all these years, he went to her. He put his hand on her shoulder but when she turned to face him, his heart skipped a beat.

It was not his mother. It was Nya. She looked a him with her brown eyes. She wore her signature ponytail but she was wearing Lilly’s dress. She was still humming.
His hand fell down and his eyes started watering. No. He couldn’t cry. He promised.

- Holding back your tears will not make you feel better Cole.

He locked his eyes with her. Her voice. It’s been a while since he didn’t hear it.

- Just because you know grief, doesn’t mean that it’s easier for you.

Cole’s heart rate was getting faster and faster. What was happening ? Why was he having this dream again but this time with Nya ?
In front of him, Nya stood up and looked at him.
She took his face in her hands and smiled at him. A sweet and mothering smile.

For a second, she looked exactly like Lilly.

His hands were shaking when he placed them on top of hers.
Her mouth moved but no sound got out.
She started to fade, once again.
- No. no no..

Cole try to catch her, but his gripe went trough her face, like she wasn’t real.
He couldn’t loose her again.

His eyes opened suddenly. He was laying on the sand. His face was soaked with water. He sat down and touched his cheeks. Tears.
He haven’t cried since his mother’s death.

When he got back to the monastery, he immediately went to his room.
On his closet, was resting a pink dress. Lilly’s dress. The only one that he kept after her disappearance.
He didn’t know why did he kept this one. But now, seeing it like this, his heart ache.

He softly fold it and walked towards Nya’s room. He noticed that her sweater wasn’t there anymore, but he assumed that one of the other took it.

He carefully put the dress on his little sister’s bed.
- you should have it now.
When he closed her door, he silently hopped that his mother was guiding Nya from where they were.

Chapter Text

Pixal was tired. This was weird for her due to the fact that she was a robot but her whole body and mind felt tired.

Since Zane gave her half of his heart, she discovered what were emotions. All those years with her new family, she learned new feelings and she was more than glad to have all of them in her life.
But right now, the entire monastery just wasn’t what it was supposed to be.

Everyone was mourning Nya. Pixal didn’t know if the emotions of her family was the thing that affected her but she felt empty.
Most of the time, she was in the workshop, building something.

Sometimes Cole was there but he didn’t say anything, and sometimes Zane was there. But now her boyfriend just looked like an empty shell without any feelings. The one who gave his heart for her looked like he didn’t have any.
Grief was hard for her.

Nya was her first girl friend. When Pixal joined the team, Nya was so happy to have another girl on the group.
She was the one to introduce the nindroide to “sleepovers”
She was the one to introduce what was “gossiping”, “movie nights” or “painting each other nails”
One of Pixal’s favorite activities with her sister was doing their hair together.
Pixal’s hair was always up in a ponytail, because that’s the way her father, Cyrus Borg, made her.

But one day, Nya took Pixal’s ponytail off and started to braid her hair. The fact that the nindroid had cables for hair helped.
When Nya finished the braid, she secured it with one of her blue scrunchie
- that suit you so much Pix !!

Pixal loved to wear her hair this way, and she didn’t want to learned how to do it herself cause that was an excuse to hang out with her sister.
But now, she wasn’t there anymore.
So Pixal’s hair stayed in a ponytail.

One day, it was probably a month since Nya’s death, Pixal couldn’t tell anymore, she went into the bathroom to take a quick look at herself.
Her ponytail high in her head made her sick.

She didn’t want to wear it anymore. She wanted to wear a braid, a braid that her sister had made. So she decided to take off her hair tie. She was a nindroid after all. Learning how to braid hair didn’t seem to hard.

She kept watching tutorials and tried to braid her hair when a knock on the door got her out of her thought.

She opened and Zane was standing there. His eyes went to Pixal’s hair.

- you did a braid

The girl played with it shy-fully

- It’s not good, I’m trying but..
- I think it’s suit you very well

Pixal locked her eyes with her boyfriend. He was smiling, a kind smile, that she hasn’t seen for a month now.

She hugged him and let out a sigh
Perhaps her braid wasn’t perfect yet, but Nya would be proud of her for trying. She would be proud of all of them. Pixal knew that.

Chapter Text

Jay couldn’t get up. He simply couldn’t. Because every time he tried, a nauseous feeling came to him.
He couldn’t tell for how long he had been like this. The light barely comes to his room since his window shutters were closed.
His throat was dry and his whole body felt dehydrated. He couldn’t stop crying since that day. Since that day when he let her go. Since the love of his life had sacrificed herself for everyone.
Every time Jay closed his eyes, he saw her. And that was making his heart bleed.
He knows that everyone in the monastery was sad since Nya’s death but he could help it being mad at everybody. Everyone left her sacrifice herself. Even him. Everyone left her fight Kalmaar alone. Even him.
Sometimes he heard sound from Cole or Pixal when they tried to give him food, but Jay never answered. He couldn’t.
The worst thing was probably their Ying medallions.
The two jewels were resting on Jay’s shelf.
It keep reminding him that he couldn’t saved her. That he lost the love of his life. That the others lost their sister. That Maya and Rai lost their daughter.
It’s been days since he haven’t got a proper sleep or meal.
But he couldn’t
Nya would be disappointed at him.
What happened to ninjas never quit ?
He couldn’t tell.
He already lost her once. In a different battle years ago. But this time he didn’t got a last wish, or he couldn’t go back in time.
What it the universe that decided that she couldn’t cheat death one more time ?
Perhaps.
He always wished for a normal life. A normal life where they wouldn’t be scared to died everyday.
He wished for a calm life, with a pretty house near the beach. Where he could have a family with Nya.
But fate decided that none of them was destined to have this life.
He hoped that she was happy where she was.
In the sea. Perhaps that was what she wanted after all.
Everything in his room made him sick. Every blue item, every pictures, every cloths that she could have worked reminds him of her.
He remembered his mother telling him that he “couldn’t heal in the house where you’ve been sick”
It’s here, in the monastery that he’s been sick. Since the day that he met her dark blue eyes.
He had to go. Somewhere, anywhere

So one night, he took a couple of cloths and left. He didn’t left a note or anything.
He took his bike and ride without a destination.
Then without knowing it, he arrived on a beach. Near a lighthouse. A lighthouse he knew all too well. A lighthouse were they shared their feelings towards each other years ago.

He frantically took his bag and entered. Empty. No sign of Echo Zane.
There was a simple bed. He didn’t need anything else.

It’s been almost a month now, since he locked himself up in the lighthouse.
He started painting. Painting her, the sea or sometimes himself.
His room was filled with half empty glass of water.
He was with her. As much as he could.
The Ying medallion was resting on his desk, taking the dust.

Sometimes, when the sea was loud, he would convinced himself that it was her.

“You’ll never get away from the sound of the woman that loved you.”

He always heard her. He always saw her, in the water.

One night, his eyes were closed and he was resting on his bed. But he couldn’t sleep. Then, he heard a noise from the main room
He quickly got up, and walked towards the sound
In the room that was facing the endless sea, with all of his paintings and the glasses of water, something caught his eyes

The medallion. It was on one of the table. The light of the moon was reflecting on it. By it side, a glass of water was poured. Like someone had pushed it.
With trembling hands, he took the jewels.
The white one, her part, was shining. He didn’t know if it was due to the light of the moon or something else.

Jay felt to his knees. Tears started to fell on his cheeks and he gripped the medallion with all his force.
She was with him. Even though she didn’t seem like it, she was always with him. With them.
That night, he slept on the floor, with the jewel in his hands.

The next morning, someone was knocking on the monastery door. With a sigh, Cole opened the door. In front of him was Jay. His bag was by his side and on his chest was hanging the two medallion. One for her, the other to remind him the love that he have for Nya. Even though she wasn’t really there.
The curly haired boy wanted to apologize to his friend for leaving without a word but before he could say anything, Cole pull him into a hug.
- I’m glad you’re back. She would have be so proud.
Jay closed his eyes and buried his head into Cole’s shoulder.
She would.

Chapter Text

Kai’s sister was gone. Kai baby sister was gone. His sister that he raised by himself. His sister that was his only family for almost 10 years.
Nya was gone. And Kai felt like half of him was also gone.

He couldn’t stay still. But he couldn’t face the others either. So he stayed in his room. Locked in without talking to anyone.
Since he had a punching ball in his room, he was spending most of his time hitting it until his knuckles were bleeding out.
When he didn’t do that, has was breaking things. That was his way off letting go his anger.
People always reproached that to him.
He was full of anger. He was fire. He was the sun.
And Nya was calm. She was water. She was the moon.
She was the one to calm him every time.
She was the one who he could hold when everything was too much. But she was gone.
So Kai had no reason to hold back his anger.
All of the pictures in his room were smashed to the ground.
Glass was everywhere but he didn’t care. Not anymore. He couldn’t bare to see her face anymore.

Then he made a horrible realization. He didn’t need pictures to see her.
He just had to look into a mirror. One morning, Kai walked near a mirror resting on his desk and immediately stopped when he saw his reflection. He was just like her.
His eyes, his skin, his hair. Everything of him reminded him of Nya.
He remembered his mother saying that when they were very young, people thought that they were twins.
Kai never realized that before.
He started to punch the mirror so hard that blood spattered on his face.
He felt to his knees and his breath began to became harder and harder. He closed his eyes and managed to calmed himself.

He always thought that it was ironic. He was afraid of water since his childhood. Then Nya became the master of water. So he started to feel less afraid of it. How could he be afraid of his little sister?
And now, water was the thing that took her forever.

Was she afraid of fire the way he was afraid of water ? Probably not. She was strong. Way more than him.

One day, he decided to look clearly at his room. All of the pictures were on the ground, the mirrors were smashed in pieces and some stains of blood were here and there.
It was a mess.
But Kai couldn’t manage to clean that up. She probably would have scolded him. To not ne lazy, to control his emotions. Probably

Then, the lack of energy in his body hit him.
He’s been avoiding proper food and proper sleep for weeks now

Sometimes, one of his friends came to his door to talk to him, or to give him food. But he never responded
One day, he hear Cole saying that Jay left.
He knows that Cole was hurt. The others were too. But he couldn’t blame Jay. Maybe leaving wasn’t such a bad idea after all
No. He wouldn’t run away. He had to stay. This place was the last memory of his sister. He couldn’t leave.

Kai fell on his mattress, exhausted. It was probably noon, he couldn’t tell.
His eyes closed slowly, and for a second, he wished that maybe he wouldn’t woke up. At least he will be with Nya.

No. Not like this. He couldn’t do that.

When he opened his eyes, he was standing in front of his house. Not the monastery. His house back in Ignacia.
What was he doing here ?
He started walking when suddenly he heard children’s laughter.
He turned around and was now standing in front of himself and Nya, but 15 years younger

Both of them were running while laughing like nothing else in the world mattered.
Nya was chasing after her big brother, and Kai was mocking her for not be able to catch him.

Kai smiled at this scene. He remembered it well. It has been a month since their parents were gone. And the two children were trying their best to live with it.

Little Kai and Nya ran trough him. He wasn’t really there, it was a dream.

While Kai kept running, Nya stopped. She slowly turned around to face older Kai.
But it was a dream right ? So she couldn’t see him.

But Nya didn’t leave. She held her gaze. Kai felt like she was directly watching him. As she could read him.

Kai blinked, and for a second, little Nya with her short hair and her red dress changed to older Nya, with her ponytail and her gi.
He opened his mouth to say something but no sound came.
He couldn’t move either.
He was forced to watch his little sister.
She didn’t moved either.

Kai felt a weird feeling in his heart.
It’s been so long since he hadn’t seen Nya like this. It felt like he was seeing her for the first time. Again.

Then, his old self called her name, and before he knew, she was running again towards her brother.

Kai was alone in front on his house. Once again. He felt tears rolling down his cheeks.

When he woke up, it was dark outside.
Shaking like a leaf, he got up and went into the bathroom. He stood in front of the mirror and his saw his reflection.
His cheeks were soaked by tears, his hair was a mess and his eyes were red due to the lack of sleep.
He looked miserable.
But he still looked like her. And for the first time in months, that didn’t bother him. He even felt relief.
That face, was the thing that he shared with his baby sister since her birth. And for nothing in the world he would loose that.

He opened a drawer near the sink and took out a dye kit.

He remembered Nya saying to him that she would love to have a matching strand of hair with him.
Back then, he had laughed saying that it was gonna ruin his hair.
After that, it was too late. She was gone and they never had the time to do it.

So he carefully respected all the steps that were wrote in the box and got to work.
One hour later, his brown hair were contrasting with his new blue strand
Clearly, it was unusual. But he didn’t care. At all.
It was his way to remember Nya.

The next morning, Lloyd went to Kai’s door with a plate and a glass of water.
He knew that his big brother would probably not eat but he still have to try.
Before he could leave the food in front of the door, it opened

- We will probably be better if we eat on a real table don’t you think ?

Lloyd raised his head and in front of him was Kai, his hair were styled but he had a blue strand now. He was smiling softly at the blond.
Lloyd immediately dropped the glass of water in his hand and ran to hug Kai.
The brunette buried his face in Lloyd’s blond hair.
Suddenly noises came from the hallway next to them.
- Lloyd ? Is everything okay ?
Pixal said with worry in her voice
Before one of them could answered, four teenagers approached them.
Kai lifted his head and not far from him was standing his siblings.
Pixal had her hand in front of her mouth, and the others were watching him with surprise

Kai lifted his arm as an invitation to join the hug.
None of them hesitated.
That’s how Kai, Lloyd, Zane, Jay, Cole and Pixal gathered into a big hug in the hallway even thought their foots were soaking into water.

None of them seemed to be bothered by that. They were all here hugging their family. And each of them had something to tell them that Nya was still with them somehow.