Work Text:
Another Friday night when your Plan A has fallen through
She’d just settled into her comfortable clothes, ready to just watch a movie and forget the troubles of the week for the evening, when her phone buzzed.
A Tinder date that sounded great was too good to be true, I guess
Besides love of adventure, sense of humour, zest for life
He just forgot to mention the new baby or the wife
Yeah, what a dick
She saw a few messages from the Canterwood Alumni Memes chat on Instagram, and a text from Sasha. Easier option first, she checked the groupchat to see that Sasha had sent one complaining about men who lie about their relationship status on dating apps. Which probably answered the question of why Sasha was texting her, Heather thought to herself.
But there's no need to be lonesome when you've got the next best thing
So you block him on your socials and you give me a ring
And sure enough when she checked the message, Sasha was saying that the guy she’d planned to go on a date with had turned out to be a dick so could she come over? Heather sighed to herself, before typing out a response saying that as long as she brought some takeout then of course they could have a movie night.
And say you're in need of some sympathy, some sushi and Netflix
You know I'm always free for dinner when they bail on you at six
She thought about inviting someone else as well, but Brit was across the country, and she knew Alison was swamped with work for her art courses at the moment, and even if they weren’t so far away she just didn’t know Paige or Callie well enough to bring them over to her apartment to help comfort Sasha about this. To deal with her own feelings about this.
And I will be the best I can
I will be the best I can
I will be the best I can
But you won't choose me over the last man on earth
So she got out the snacks, set up the air mattress, turned the TV to Netflix and found one of those movies that they’d both seen 100 times but always cheered them up. Put everything in place to once again save Sasha’s feelings from her terrible taste in men. It never changed the outcome really. Never made her want Heather instead.
And how am I back here again, I've learned so many times
That I've run out of melodies and I've run out of rhymes
While she waited, she scrolled back through her chat with Sasha. Gradually it dawned on her just how many times she’d done this exact same thing since they’d returned to college after the winter break. In the last two months this exact situation had happened seven or eight times. All the same.
And I know this way lies insanity, I've seen it all before
But I know next time you need me I'll be right there at your door
And it had never helped Heather. Not that that was a reason to uninvite Sasha now. It just made her think now, something she’d not really done before when Sasha had asked. How it left her crying alone to see Sasha out posting stories about kissing boys in bars the next night. How much she wanted to kiss her best friend to make it better but knowing it would only make things worse. Because Sasha was straight. Clearly, obviously straight.
And I will be the best I can (The best I can)
I will be the best I can (The best I can)
I will be the best I can
But you won't choose me over the last man on earth
It hit her then that Sasha would probably go through all the men in the world before she chose Heather. If she ever chose Heather.
And after all the chasing when you're tiring of this life
And you pick the least worst option and consent to be his wife
I'll plan the hen do in Chicago, I will be there at the altar
And you can be my Santiago though I can't be your Peralta
She allowed herself to imagine, just for a moment, the life that she and Sasha could have. A training stable and elite competitions and domesticity. Maybe marriage, maybe even a kid. And then she shook her head and it cleared, her thoughts filling instead of Sasha’s almost inevitable wedding to one of these men that she didn’t really seem to care for in the rare cases that the relationship lasted longer than just chatting on whatever app she’d found the guy on.
But I can be the best I can (The best I can)
I can be the best I can (The best I can)
I can be the best I can
And you still won't choose me over the last man on earth
No matter what, she’d stick by her though. Heather wasn’t one to just abandon friends, especially not the ones who’d seen her through all her awkward teen years. Sasha had been there for her when she’d come out as a lesbian. And when her parents had thrown that hissy fit over her coming out, it had been Sasha that had gotten her out and home and told her it was okay and that she loved her and was proud of her. But all platonically, definitely.
Sometimes at last orders we've both had too much to drink
And you look at me for too long in a way that makes me think
For all Heather’s effort and hope, she never saw the longing stares that Sasha sent her way, or if she did then she brushed them off. Decided that Sasha would never choose her so why bother hoping. It made it easier to forget just how much she wanted to hold her, love her, be with her.
You sometimes wish that things were different and it sometimes makes you sad
That I treat you better than the best boyfriends you've ever had
There was one night, they were both drunk just after high school had ended. In some Airbnb in Chicago. The whole group, “Sasha & Co.” as they’d been called on more than one occasion, was there but only Heather and Sasha were still awake. In their shared room. With their shared bed. Sasha and Jacob had mutually broken up but remained friends years ago and Sasha had had strings of dates with a bunch of different guys that never worked out for long ever since. This was the first time Sasha had been single since the start of ninth grade and in the dark of that room in Chicago she confided in Heather that she was better than every single one of those boys. None ever compared to her, her best friend.
And I can be the best I can
I can be the best I can
I can be the best I can
But you still won't choose me over the last man
“Too bad I can’t just date you,” she’d joked. Heather had ignored that. Ignored the feeling in her chest tugging at her to make a move right then. “If only I liked girls instead of guys.” Heather just sighed and took another drink of the wine that they should’ve put down hours ago.
And I can be the best I can (The best I can)
I will be the best I can (The best I can)
I can be the best I can
But you won't choose me over the last man
A week later Sasha had a new boyfriend. He didn’t last long, they never did. And she came back to Heather in tears and Heather would comfort her and the next weekend she’d have another date with some random guy from Tinder or Hinge or Bumble or wherever the fuck she was finding all these men to date.
And I can be the best I can (The best I can)
I will be the best I can (The best I can)
I will be the best I can
Years and years of comforting Sasha, one of her best friends. It went both ways, right? Enough to be fair?
And you won't choose me
And darling don't you know you'll never lose me
Not to the last man
Regardless, Sasha was coming over for movie night again. She wasn’t going to cancel that; she wouldn’t abandon her friends. That was something she was never doing again.
And I can be the best I can (You wouldn't choose me over the last man on earth)
I can be the best I can (You wouldn't choose me over the last man on earth)
I can be the best I can (You wouldn't choose me over the last man on earth)
And you won't choose me over the last man (The last man on earth)
The night passes in an almost haze. They discuss celebrity gossip, watch mindless comedies and reruns of shows that they’ve seen enough times to recite by heart. Stuff their faces with junk food, paint their nails.
And I can be the best I can (You wouldn't choose me over the last man on earth)
I can be the best I can (You wouldn't choose me over the last man on earth)
I can be the best I can (You wouldn't choose me over the last man on earth)
And you won't choose me over the last man (The last man on earth)
And yet the whole time Heather can’t help but think about how she’s second choice. First of the friends but never placed above the hypothetical guy of the week.
And I can be the best I can (You wouldn't choose me over the last man on earth)
I can be the best I can (You wouldn't choose me over the last man on earth)
She says none of this to Sasha, just lets it stir in her brain. It was almost like being back with her parents, never good enough.
I can be the best I can (You wouldn't choose me over the last man on earth)
And you won't choose me over the last man on earth (The last man on earth)
Her best was never enough.