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after all this time

Chapter 18

Notes:

hiiiiii. so so sorry that this is so late!!

anyway! i think last chap was like the most comments I've ever gotten on a single chap before, so thank you so much! also- the amount of people saying "it's YOU elphie!" have me cackling lol

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Elphaba wakes up slowly, sunlight pouring over her like honey, soft and golden and warm. She blinks her eyes open to an even brighter sight, Galinda fast asleep and snuggled close, curled up and pressed to the curves of Elphaba’s body. 

The smile that stretches across Elphaba’s face couldn’t possibly be contained, her eyes closing automatically as though her body knows it can’t handle such a sight for too long without combusting. They fit together like puzzle pieces, like Elphaba’s body was made to wrap around the small blonde, holding her close and keeping her safe. 

Just for a moment, everything is right in the world. 

The events from earlier filter in, eventually, Elphaba suppressing a sigh as she thinks back on the whirlwind that was the Ozdust and this morning. Judging by the fading sun, they’ve slept well past lunch and are late into the afternoon now, both of them catching up on some much-needed rest. 

A snuffle from beside her makes Elphaba’s gaze fall back to Galinda’s face, smooth of her normally anxious eyebrows or practiced smile. She looks peaceful like this, the ever-present weight on her shoulders and ghosts in her head unable to touch her in the depths of her dreams. At least- Elphaba hopes not. She hopes Galinda’s dreams are sweet and easy, full of the happiness she can’t seem to glean from their everyday life. 

The more she grows closer to Galinda, the more she realizes how many of her smiles and optimisms are performance. 

Elphaba reaches out to gently brush a few stray strands of gold from Galinda’s fair face. There’s a tightness in her chest when she thinks about the secret Galinda told her right before they fell asleep. Elphaba had already known her feelings for Galinda would never be requited, but she still hadn’t been prepared for the sheer heartbreak in Galinda’s voice. 

Love like that? It only comes once in a lifetime; that Elphaba is sure of. 

A few more minutes of slowly booting her brain back up pass comfortably before Galinda starts to stir beside her. Her nose crinkles up, her brow scrunches, and her eyelids flutter as she catches a massive yawn behind her hand. When she finally blinks properly awake, Elphaba is the first thing she sees.

There’s a soft, sweet smile--a real one, Elphaba can tell--that overtakes her face as Galinda relaxes deeper into the pillow and reaches out to run a fingertip down the side of Elphaba’s face. “Good morning, Elphie,” Galinda whispers. 

Elphaba smiles back, a tiny bubble of laughter in her chest. “You know,” she says. “You only call me that when you’re sleepy or just waking up.” Or when she’s panicking, but Elphaba isn’t going to say that. 

She watches with interest as Galinda’s eyes flicker with confusion before something dark settles over them, a shutter closing them off. Her smile drops, and Elphaba frowns in tandem as she tries to figure out what about what she just said was enough to cause such a dramatic shift. 

“Uh, sorry,” she stammers, unsure why Galinda is pulling away now but suddenly desperate to get that softness back. “I don’t mind it- I think it’s cute, honestly--”

“No,” Galinda cuts off. She shivers, scooching a few inches away on the bed. “Sorry, I mean- I don’t-- I like your name how it is. Elphaba.”

“Ookayyy,” Elphaba drawls. She’s more than a little confused by the turn of events, but they’re both definitely awake now, and she figures it’s best to just let the whole thing slide. She wonders if Galinda wanted to keep the nickname secret or something. Maybe she was embarrassed? 

Elphaba shakes herself, figuring it’s not a big enough issue to waste too much time on, and sits up in bed as Galinda does the same, trying to recapture the peace of the afternoon. 

“I wonder if anyone else is awake yet,” Elphaba teases, smoothly changing the topic. She glances out the window at the late afternoon sun. “They got back even later than we did.”

“Fiyero will probably sleep all day,” Galinda replies, stretching her arms over her head and rolling her neck. 

Elphaba glances at her curiously. “Did you get to know him very well last night? It looked like you two were dancing together when I arrived.”

Galinda startles slightly, blinking quickly. “Oh, um, no, not really. I just…know his type.”

Makes sense. Galinda would know all about pretty, popular, party boys. Didn’t she say Fiyero reminded her of someone? A foul thought enters Elphaba’s head. What if the person Fiyero reminded her of…was the same one she used to love? 

“Is his type…your type?” Elphaba asks, stumbling past subtlety in her desperation to know. She hides her clenched fists under the blankets, unable to look Galinda’s way as she waits for an answer. What is she supposed to do if Galinda says yes?

“What? Oh, no, no, no. At least- not like that. I’ve had, um, friends like him before. Just friends.”

When Elphaba chances a peek, Galinda’s cheeks are bright red, and she seems just as unwilling to make direct eye contact. Elphaba isn’t sure whether or not to believe her. Surely, someone doesn’t react like that unless they’re trying to cover something up. 

But she doesn’t want to push Galinda on something she might be uncomfortable talking about, so once again, Elphaba lets the topic shift to something more neutral. The girls drag themselves out of bed slowly, stretching and yawning and in no rush to do anything or go anywhere. It’s a nice change from the usual hustle and bustle of Galinda’s daily life, and Elphaba finds herself appreciating the peace and comfort. 

She watches Galinda fix her hair and makeup, frowning at the wrinkles in her skirt until she eventually decides to just change her whole outfit. Long shadows stretch across the room as evening approaches, their lamps turned on and casting Galinda’s side of the suite in a pink haze. It catches on Galinda’s fair hair and pale skin, giving her her own kind of glow. 

She’s humming something under her breath, a light melody that Elphaba doesn’t recognize, and Elphaba finds herself simply lying on the bed, admiring the view. Her heart is surely doing something foolish right about now, falling deeper and deeper into inescapable feelings for an unattainable woman. But Elphaba can’t find it in herself to care. She wishes she could wake up like this every morning. Every morning for the rest of their lives. 

Eventually, Elphaba’s stomach starts to grumble and reminds her that she hasn’t eaten anything since breakfast, so she throws her jacket and shoes back on and leads Galinda toward the dining hall. There are a few more signs of life than earlier, the rest of Shiz having recovered somewhat and also seeking food to soothe whatever they’d been up to at the Ozdust. 

Elphaba has personally only ever been hungover once, and she very much is glad to have forwent such an experience again last night. 

There’s a small crowd at the girls’ usual table, so Elphaba lets Galinda go say her hellos while Elphaba grabs two trays of food. By the time she makes her way over, a certain handsome prince has joined the group, flirting shamelessly with all of the girls and sending Galinda a wink. He smiles at Elphaba, too, when she sits down. 

“You two were the talk of the ballroom!” Fiyero exclaims, plopping into a chair and grinning with excitement. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Elphaba studiously ignores him--an all too easy task, if she’s honest--and slides a tray over in front of Galinda. She knows the girl won’t eat much of it, especially not when she’s busy entertaining her friends, but it’s worth a shot. 

“Good morning to you, too, Elphaba,” Fiyero says, laughing at her attitude. 

“It’s nearly evening,” Elphaba shoots back on autopilot, cringing when she realizes she played right into his hands. Fiyero’s eyes light up a little. 

“Right, right. Say- what are you ladies up to this fine evening, anyway?”

Not going back to the Ozdust, that’s for sure.” This time, it’s Galinda who shoots the prince down. 

“What? You didn’t enjoy last night?”

“Well, of course I enjoyed dancing with Elphaba.” Galinda shoots the green girl a quick wink. Elphaba has to quickly shove some food in her mouth to cover her blush. 

Fiyero grins, leaning in closer to Galinda. “Any other partners stand out?” he asks leadingly. 

Galinda makes a show of looking thoughtful, even tapping a perfectly manicured nail to her chin. “Hmm. No, no one I can think of. Why- did someone stand out to you?”

Fiyero lays a hand over his heart and twists his face into an exaggerated expression of hurt. “You wound me, Glinda. I thought we really had something.”

Galinda rolls her eyes, but anyone can tell that it’s fond. “Oh, baby. That was just a courtesy dance. You didn’t think it meant anything, did you?”

The rest of the group snickers at the teasing, but Galinda is leaning in, too, a matching grin on her lips, and Fiyero seems delighted by her answer rather than put off. He laughs, shaking his head in defeat. 

“Tsk. I must be losing my touch.” He swoons dramatically, leaning back and getting the crowd to gasp in sympathy, several hands reaching out to hold him up lest he fall out of his chair. Elphaba hides her eye roll behind her cup. 

“At least give us a full day to recover, Fiyero.” Galinda reaches out and pats his arm, giving him a fake look of sympathy. “Maybe try again next weekend, yeah?”

Elphaba watches the interaction with interest, her own food sitting untouched. She’s never quite seen Galinda talk so comfortably with someone, falling into a natural sort of banter that she doesn’t have even with Pfannee and ShenShen. She matches Fiyero’s energy flawlessly, and Elphaba watches with awe as she’s able to turn the topic to something entirely normal and boring- pulling the rest of her friends back into the conversation. 

She’s good, Elphaba thinks. A slimy foulness twists in her gut as her gaze slides to bright blue eyes. So is he. 

Charming, charismatic, and entertaining. Capturing a crowd with barely a word, leaving everyone hanging on to the slightest shred of recognition from who are--for all intents and purposes--the king and queen of Shiz University. Elphaba can see it now. 

Galinda may say Fiyero isn’t her type, but Elphaba has read enough romance books to know- boys love when girls play hard to get. The slime in her gut solidifies, weighing her down like rocks, making her meal sit uneasy in her stomach as she eats. 

Elphaba knows jealousy. Intimately . She’s grown up feeling the suffocating green roots of envy tangling in her lungs each time her father gave Nessarose the attention and love that Elphaba craved. But this? Being jealous over a girl? Is something new. 

Day one of being in love with Galinda Upland. Elphaba truly doesn’t know how long she’ll last. 

 

***

 

Fiyero falls right into the swing of things surprisingly well for someone who’s been kicked out of several schools. The student body adores him, of course, and Elphaba gets used to seeing him around, sitting with them at mealtimes and during classes. 

Galinda and Fiyero are- they’re good together. They match. They have a similar sense of humor, laughing at inside jokes and gossiping about Shiz’s social life together. There’s an ease to Galinda when she’s around Fiyero that she never had with her other friends, and despite the niggling sense of jealousy that burns in Elphaba’s stomach, she can admit that Fiyero is good for Galinda. 

It’s interesting to watch, considering Galinda’s initial reaction to the prince’s arrival. Elphaba tries not to press, but she does ask one night, rolling over in her bed and eyeing the circle of pink lamplight across the room. 

“Galinda?” she whispers, waiting for brown eyes to turn her way. A tiny smile quirks the side of her mouth. “Tell me a secret.”

Elphaba asks almost every night, now. It’s their thing. A part of this new pattern of life that they’re both falling into. Tonight, Elphaba has a particular secret in mind that she’s curious about, watching closely as Galinda sighs and fidgets restlessly with the edge of her sheets. 

“He- he reminds me of someone,” she says again. “That first day, I think that reminder was too much for me. I…wasn’t prepared for how much I would-- how much I-I miss them.”

Galinda swallows hard enough for Elphaba to catch the bob of her throat from across the room. She wishes she were closer. They haven’t cuddled in bed together since the day after the Ozdust, and Elphaba has found herself lying awake on more than one night, wishing she had the courage to ask. 

“Now, though,” Galinda continues softly. “Now, I think the reminder is…nice. In a way. It hurts, sometimes, but it’s easier to remember all the good things. All the ways I lo-- ..yeah. All the good things.”

Galinda stops there, and Elphaba lets her, turning the girl’s words over in her mind as she falls asleep. The good things. She feels a pang of guilt for being so jealous of Galinda and Fiyero’s interactions. Elphaba knows what it feels like to miss someone. To feel that hole in your life. 

She would never ever want to take something away from Galinda that helps fill that hole, even in the smallest of ways. 

“I think you would really like him,” Galinda tells her later, the both of them sitting out in the sunlight, Elphaba with a book open in her lap. It’s just chilly enough that Galinda has an excuse to sit pressed against her, her legs tucked under herself as she leans on Elphaba’s shoulder. 

“Like who?” Elphaba mumbles, mostly lost in her reading. 

“Fiyero. I think you would really like him if you got to know him better.”

“I don’t dislike Fiyero.”

“Yeah, but…you’re not really friends, right? I think you could be. You’re more alike than you think.”

Elphaba looks up at that, frowning at the girl beside her. Galinda has this strange look in her eyes, even as she tries to smile convincingly. The breeze blows past, sending a shiver through Galinda’s thin frame, and the blonde snuggles even closer. 

“Just, give him a chance? You deserve to have as many friends as possible, Elphaba.”

Gentle warmth blooms in Elphaba’s chest. She had never thought of it that way. Elphaba had spent so long convincing herself she was unloveable in an effort to make it hurt less when other people told her so. The idea that she could have not one but two friends was, for all her life, an unthinkable dream. 

“Okay,” she finally says. She tips her head down to rest it atop Galinda’s golden curls, breathing in the soft scent of her shampoo. She’d lost the ability to say no to Galinda long ago. 

So, Elphaba spends more time with Fiyero. She comes to appreciate his sense of humor as well, comes to see past the thin mask he presents to the world. He’s not nearly as skilled as Galinda is at hiding his true self and feelings. Elphaba can tell he’s not just some shallow prince. 

He cares. For someone who calls himself ‘brainless,’ he’s shockingly thoughtful. Not in the practiced gestures of an etiquette-trained gentleman, but in the small motions of steadying Galinda when she stumbles, of the worry in his eyes when he notices her barely touched meals, of the softness in his face and the realness of his smile as he spins her on the floor of the ballroom. 

Fiyero is a good friend, and he doesn’t seem to mind that Galinda very clearly doesn’t want to be anything more. Elphaba gets used to his teasing and flirting, and she grows to enjoy his company more than she expected. How could she not? Fiyero, like Galinda, has never cared that Elphaba is green. 

 

***

 

“Focus, dear.”

Morrible’s voice is silky smooth, not unlike the long fabric of her dress as it swishes around her ankles. With her eyes closed, Elphaba only has the sound to go by to track the woman’s location as she paces around the room. There are three coins on the table in front of Elphaba. 

Her task is simple. Stack all three coins on top of one another using only her magic. Elphaba has gotten much better lately at basic levitation, wobbling a single coin around in the air in weaving patterns. Now, Morrible wants to work on finesse. Fine-tuning Elphaba’s control. 

Working with Morrible has been…fine. It’s one of the few times a week that Elphaba is away from Galinda, and thankfully, Morrible seems to have mostly dropped her negative opinion of the girl. Which possibly had something to do with Elphaba’s lack of subtlety in talking her up in her first lesson after the Ozdust. 

“Well. Perhaps I was wrong about Miss Upland,” Morrible had said, voice just the right pitch for neutrality. They had decidedly left it at that.

Elphaba has a feeling Morrible doesn’t actually like Galinda any more than she did before, but she seems to respect the fact that she is Elphaba’s friend, and that’s enough for now. Instead, their lessons are entirely focused on magic, on honing Elphaba’s raw talent into a serviceable skill. 

It’s hard. Harder than Elphaba would’ve ever expected. She can make her sister fly into the air, but stacking a trio of coins takes all the concentration she can muster, her brow sweating from effort by the time she slumps, grinning with success, back into her seat. 

“Wonderful, dear,” Morrible applauds. She squeezes Elphaba’s shoulder as she passes, taking in the wobbly but standing stack of coins. “We should be able to move on to heavier items soon,” the sorceress continues. “You’ve improved leaps and bounds these past couple of weeks.”

“Thank you, Madame Morrible. I-I’ve been working really hard on practicing outside of class. Galinda has been helping me.”

“Has she now?”

“Yes, she’s very well read on the subject. She’s been really helpful in getting me to feel when my magic is ready to be used and in learning the difference between when it is a trickle versus a roar.”

It’s something that Galinda has actually done a lot better than Morrible, not that Elphaba would say that. Morrible has been great at helping Elphaba to shape her magic to her will but not so great at helping Elphaba channel the right amount of it. Every sorceress is different, apparently, and Morrible’s description of what her own magic feels like just…didn’t click for Elphaba. 

Galinda seems to have an almost uncanny ability to understand exactly what Elphaba is feeling. She had been spot on in helping Elphaba learn what her magic felt like, how to reach it, and how to draw upon only as much as she needed. It’s still difficult, like trying to use a new set of muscles that are weak and underdeveloped, but Elphaba is slowly growing stronger; she can feel it now. 

Thankfully, there hasn’t been another incident like the one with the light bulbs. Elphaba’s magic occasionally goes on the fritz, but the damage so far hasn’t been any worse than a single cracked tea mug, one that Galinda had no problem gluing back together. 

The girls have taken to spending at least an hour or two every evening helping Elphaba work on little spells. They’re getting deep into the semester, but Elphaba’s schoolwork is coming along well, especially with the help of Galinda who, despite not spending much time on it, always has perfectly completed homework. 

At first, Elphaba had been hesitant to ask for the blonde’s help. Sorcery seminar seems to be a bit of a sore spot for Galinda, and Elphaba hated the idea of making her uncomfortable. She’d started by asking Galinda for assistance with regular schoolwork first, until it became habit for the two to talk aloud while studying, assisting each other in the areas they were weaker in. 

Eventually, Elphaba had brought up the idea of incorporating sorcery as well, and Galinda hadn’t even hesitated. “Of course!” she’d exclaimed. Elphaba had smiled in return, something like relief and heartache warring for dominance in her chest.

If Elphaba thought it was hard to stay focused with Morrible walking around, trying to do it with Galinda in the room is much much worse. 

“Eyes shut. Toes clenched.” Galinda giggles, her voice dropping out of the lofty impression of Morrible. She seems to be in a good mood today, brighter than yesterday or the day before. 

“The ‘toes clenched’ part never made sense to me, you know,” Elphaba says, smiling at the sound of the blonde’s laughter. She does as instructed, still, as ridiculous as it feels. At least with her eyes closed, she can’t get distracted by the bounce of Galinda’s pink skirt as she circles the dorm. 

“Me neither. But I think it’s just meant to help you focus and channel yourself.”

Elphaba nods, eyes slipping shut. She concentrates, brow furrowing as she digs into herself to find that pit of warmth deep in her core, pulling on it until it rises, slow like sticky molasses, to the surface. She lets it pool in her palms, holding out a hand to the small candle on the desktop. 

Fire, she thinks, picturing the flickering flame in her mind. Fire. 

There’s a tiny gasp from beside her, and Elphaba’s eyes crack open to see, to her surprise and excitement, a perfect little flame waving at her from atop the candle’s wick. 

“I-I did it!” she exclaims. On her first try, no less. Usually it takes her several just to get the candle to smolder.  

“You did! Oh, Elphaba, you’re amazing!” 

It seems a little silly to be so happy over such a tiny accomplishment, but this is progress. Elphaba was able to get her magic to do exactly what she wanted, no more and no less. Not just a spark or some smoke. Not a flash of fire so big it nearly singes her eyebrows. Just a tiny, controlled flame, perfectly suited for the candle it crowns. 

Elphaba laughs, joyous and relieved. This is proof that she is learning. She is getting better. She looks up from the flame, smile stretching, and feels her heart skip two beats in her chest. 

Galinda is standing at the side of the desk, blonde curls falling over one shoulder as she looks down at the candle and leaving the shoulder nearest to Elphaba bare, highlighting the curve and dip and length of her neck and the sharp contrast of her collarbone. She’s beaming, face glowing, brown eyes as golden as her hair in the firelight. 

The shadows from the darker side of the room cling to her back, making her look ethereal and angelic, her pale hair picking up on the flickering tone of the tiny flame. There’s something soft and relieved in her own expression, something delighted and excited in her grin. She finally looks up to meet Elphaba’s eyes, and the older girl swears she feels something crack behind her ribs. 

Oz, I love you. Elphaba breathes in the rosy scent of the candle and tries to will her heart into settling into something resembling a normal rhythm. She isn’t sure such a fragile organ was ever designed to face the sheer beauty of someone like Galinda. 

“Beautiful,” Elphaba lets slip out, barely a ghost of a whisper. She lets Galinda think she means the flame. And when the golden girl finally blows it out, instructing Elphaba to try again, Elphaba does her best to bury the bitter sorrow that clings to her throat.

Notes:

idfk why this chap hated me so much but it was such a pain in the ass to write for no reason lol. also I've been sick for the past week which has been...no bueno. so this may suck idk.

also just fyi, i’ve said before this is the same glinda from ‘brave’ which means she (and I) are going by that timeline. I know a lot of people assume the next “big thing” to happen is dillamond’s removal but if you haven’t read ‘brave’ just know that there are several months between the ozdust and dillamond’s removal in that story!