Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Akk huffed when he glanced at himself in the viewfinder and he sighed because he was going to need to adjust the angle of the camera a little bit. Akk was getting ready to record a new video, always keeping sure that his face was out of frame. All of this was supposed to be a secret and Akk didn’t want others to find out about his hobby. 

It was a secret.

Something only for him. 

It all started around eight months ago. 

Akk didn’t even know what happened on that particular day, but he could just feel anxiety getting the best of him. He had so much on his plate, he was trying his best to keep his grades up as he didn’t want to lose his scholarship and he was trying to prove to professor Chadok that he was fit to be named the school prefect the next school year.

All of that mixed with trying to figure out who he was… It just all got too much.

When this happened, it was still the previous school year. 

Akk was never good at dealing with stress. On the outside, he was a quiet and put-together student. Someone that was supposed to have it all figured out, but the truth was that it was all just a freaking lie. Akk was hiding his real self behind this exterior that he had built carefully for the last four years. In reality, Akk was drowning and there was no one that was going to save him.

Akk could only save himself. 

The only thing that helped him was watching Youtube videos. If he was more specific, it was the videos with positive affirmations and grounding techniques. As sad as it was, all that Akk needed was for someone to tell him that he was doing his best, that he was enough even if it didn’t feel like it. That was all that Akk needed and this was where he found his safe space.

ASMR videos.

A well-hidden secret that Akk didn’t really want others to find out. But, little by little, it went far beyond just watching those videos. Akk was intrigued, it was something that he wanted to try out as well – he thought it would be able to help him deal with his anxiety better. 

Akk was hesitant, but then on that particular night eight months ago, he finally just snapped and recorded his very first video. Compared to the quality of his videos now, it was crap. Akk recorded it only on his phone – he didn’t have all the fancy equipment that he had now, but it was still a start. 

Akk felt silly recording that video, but he just kept saying the things that he wanted to hear from others. It was a video he made for himself, to soothe himself down and it worked. Watching videos helped, but actually recording them was even better. Akk truly didn’t know how to explain it, but after a few hours of hesitation, he decided to upload that video to Youtube. 

Perhaps his video could help someone as well. 

Akk really didn’t know if there would be anyone out there interested, but as he woke up the next morning, there were a few comments slowly trickling in, telling how much Akk’s video actually helped people calm down. Reading through the few comments that the first video got made Akk feel less lonely. It helped him to realise that it was okay to be struggling – that it was okay to not be okay. 

It was… 

Recording those videos was Akk’s safe space. Slowly, but gradually he started gaining an audience. Akk’s reason for recording those videos was never fame or money – it was just an outlet, but he appreciated every single person that decided to stay for the journey and in eight months he managed to gain almost 15k subscribers.

And the name of his channel? 

Moonlight Whispers. 

Akk was floored that there were people actually out there willing to watch his content. Compared to other creators on the platform, Akk was aware that there was still room for improvement, but what he appreciated about the people that watched his videos was that they were always kind, grateful and reading their comments always put a smile on Akk’s face.

The types of videos that Akk did varied – mostly whispers of comfort, positive affirmations or reading stories. Those were his most requested and most popular videos. Sometimes he would just sit down and ramble into the night. Akk wasn’t sure if people would actually like listening to him rambling about himself, but surprisingly, those were their favourite types of videos. His subscribers also loved his personal attention videos, but those were very rare ones. 

Akk was just too shy to record those. 

In his videos, Akk usually wore soft and oversized sweaters in muted tones - creams, pastels or deep greens were his to-go colours. He was always filming from the shoulders down, the camera focused on his hands as he would gently tap against the books that he was reading or traced along different patterns on the object that he was holding while rambling. Sometimes, when he was nervous, he would play with the fabric of his sweater. Or when he would get particularly excited about a story, he would tug around the cuffs of his sweaters. 

Akk always used soft lighting in his videos. The lights in his videos were dimmed, yet warm. Akk made sure that the atmosphere of his videos was calm. That was why he also kept the background very simple – in the blurred background there could be seen a small bookshelf with a couple of books stacked on top of each other and a couple of plants that Akk kept in the room. 

That was all. 

Akk was afraid that if he revealed more than that, that his secret could be out. Perhaps one of his friends could stumble across the videos and then it was just… Akk didn’t want that to happen. 

Plus, since he kept things simple, it gave people the chance to focus on the content of the videos more than anything else – no distractions. 

Akk took a deep breath in as he finally adjusted the angle of the camera, going back to sit down and he checked again, this time more comfortable with the angle of the camera – no face. Akk had a pretty simple video planned for the day. He already knew the title that the video was going to carry – ASMR Our Quiet Space | Affirmations & Reading. 

Akk posted videos on a weekly basis; if he had more time, he posted twice a week. His followers were always happy with one extra video per week. Akk sighed along as he straightened his clothes a little bit before he finally started recording. If he was lucky enough, with all the editing and other stuff, he would have this video out in a couple of days. That was if teachers were going to give them extra assignments that week. 

Akk was falling behind his schedule – the video should’ve been almost ready to be uploaded, but…People were  going to understand. Akk then leaned back, grabbing the book of poems that he was going to be reading from later on into the video and then he glanced to the side, picking up the ice tea that he kept in the mug and he smiled.

Everything was ready. 

Akk hit the record button as he leaned over to the camera, straightening himself up a little bit, again careful that his face wasn’t visible in the camera. He then adjusted his microphone a little bit, took a deep breath in and exhaled quietly, tucking the earphones into his ears as he made himself nice and comfortable in his chair. 

“Hello and welcome back,” whispered Akk, keeping his whispers low. Sometimes he would do soft spoken videos, but this particular evening, he felt like doing it entirely in whisper format. “Or, well, if this is your first time here, then hello and I am glad that you found this little corner. Hopefully it can bring some peace into your busy day,” said Akk and then he glanced over to the side when he heard the soft tapping against the window.

Akk smiled and chuckled softly as he listened to the raindrops for a moment or two.

“Ah, it seems we’re in for a little drizzle tonight,” said Akk. “Not too bad. It’ll add to the atmosphere of the video.”

Akk sounded a bit cheeky as he slowly picked up the book and trailed his fingers across the cover of it, sighing softly before he continued. Recording videos like this, when he was talking only to the camera should be awkward, but it wasn’t. Akk felt grounded and in control of his feelings at that very moment. 

“Later on, I’ll be reading a few poems from this book that I bought yesterday,” said Akk. “But first, I just want to ask you – how are you? ” asked Akk and he paused. He knew that just a little question could make a big difference in someone’s day. 

Akk made another little pause, listening to the raindrops tapping against the window before he spoke up again.

“I want to remind you that no matter what happened today, that you’re okay. Maybe it doesn’t feel like this right now, but  trust me. You are doing just okay,” said Akk. It was a reminder that he needed to tell himself as well.

“I know that sometimes our thoughts can get too loud. The world gets too heavy, you feel like you’re carrying too much at once, maybe you feel like you’re all alone, but just for now. You can set it all down. You can set your worries aside, just for a little while,” said Akk. ”Close your eyes, if you want. You can take a deep breath with me.”

Akk took a deep breath in and then he exhaled.

“And again.”

Akk took another deep breath, holding it in for a couple of seconds before he calmly exhaled and he smiled, his fingers gently touching the surface of the microphone and then he pulled back a bit. 

“Good, just like that. Doesn’t it feel much better already?” asked Akk, the question not only for the viewers, but it was a question that was aimed for him as well. “Just stay like this, in this moment. Don’t focus on anything else. Just focus on this. Breathe, exist in the moment,” said Akk and closed his eyes again. “You are safe here. And if no one has told you today then I will say it – you’re doing so well. Thank you for being here, for trying. I am so proud of you.”

Akk’s breath shook a little bit because… Yes. 

That was what he needed someone to tell him as well.

It was all going to be okay, he was safe. 

“There’s no expectations or pressure. All you have to do is listen and breathe. That is all. Remember, you are not alone,” said Akk and then he opened up the book slowly, running his fingers along the pages as he turned them and he glanced at the camera, making sure his face was out of view.

“With which poem should I start for today?” asked Akk, slowly turning the pages and he smiled when he found the one that he liked. “Ah, this one seems like a good start,” said Akk and cleared his throat softly before he finally started reading the first poem.

Another nightmare woke Ayan up from his sleep that night. 

Nightmares… 

Ayan never used to have those, but ever since six months ago, ever since he lost his uncle, the nightmares were a daily occurrence. 

Ayan woke up panting and sweating, calling out to his uncle Dika, who couldn’t hear him in the dream. Ayan was begging him not to take that jump, but his uncle couldn’t hear his muffled screams. It was too late.

Ayan was again too late, he couldn’t save him. Ayan couldn’t save him. 

Tears rushed to his eyes when he remembered the dreams, shivering all over and his fingers quickly sought out for the comfort in the necklace that was around his neck, gripping onto the pendant and he closed his eyes, trying to even out his breathing, but Ayan just couldn’t seem to calm down, no matter how much he gripped onto the pendant, closing his eyes tightly.

Just breathe, it was okay… 

It wasn’t okay.

No matter how much Ayan tried to pretend for his mother’s sake, he wasn’t doing fine and she could tell. She tried getting Ayan the help that he needed, he was going to therapy, but he struggled with the loss. Ayan was close to his uncle, so this was just all too freaking much for him to bear. 

For Ayan’s sake, his mother decided to move. 

Living in the old house was too painful, there were too many memories in there, so she decided to sell the house. They tried to make it work at their old house, but she saw what it was doing to Ayan. That was why around three months ago, she decided to sell the house and move to the city.

It was just the start of a school year, so the timing was perfect.

Ayan started a new school – Suppalo. 

Ayan didn’t like his new school too much because he found professors to be too stuck up. They were almost robotic, but there were a couple of teachers that actually seemed to give a damn about Ayan’s situation. One of them being teacher Sani - she was younger from the rest, she offered help if he ever wanted someone to talk to. 

Ayan grabbed his phone and stared at the screen, the soft glow of his phone painting a faint shadow across his face. The room was dark, though, and he didn’t like it, so he decided to switch on the little lamp that he had next to his bed, still shaking like crazy, but at least the tears have stopped and he swallowed thickly, shaking his head a bit. 

Ayan closed his eyes, trying to fall back asleep, but whenever he would close his eyes, he would see his uncle’s face and he whined as he tossed and turned, laying on his back as he checked the time on the phone and he huffed under his breath when he saw the time.

3:21 am.

Damn it. 

Ayan needed to wake up early in the morning. 

But it was useless if he continued forcing himself to fall asleep like that, so he picked up his phone again and slowly swiped down, looking at his notifications and his eyes welled up almost immediately when he saw one of the notifications standing out to him. 

Moonlight Whispers had uploaded a new video two hours ago.

ASMR Our Quiet Space | Affirmations & Reading. 

Tears of relief rushed to Ayan’s eyes because… finally. 

Ayan has been following the channel for a few months now. He accidentally stumbled upon it one night  when he was having a particularly bad time. Amidst his anxiety attack that night, he tapped onto one of his videos, not even sure why. But he read in the title Calming Techniques, so he clicked on it. 

The video helped Ayan like magic. 

Ayan didn’t know what it was, he was never really into ASMR, perhaps even finding it odd at certain times, but the way this person spoke was just so damn soothing and calming. The way that he spoke was almost as if he knew how Ayan felt. Perhaps he did. 

Ayan felt like he… knew this person. There was something familiar about him, something so calming and he had been following him ever since that night. Ayan would patiently wait for new videos, during the weekdays, he would rewatch the old ones almost on repeat. 

It was insane how much those videos actually helped. 

Sometimes they would calm him down, then there were times when he would sob watching them, but they helped him in ways that others couldn’t begin to understand. 

Ayan had never left a comment, but he really should let this person know how much he appreciated what he was doing, especially since this particular creator took the time to respond to every single comment. 

So, with now a new video being out, Ayan didn’t even hesitate tapping onto it. 

A little smile was coaxed onto Ayan’s lips as soon as he saw that he was wearing one his favourite sweaters. The textured beige one. Ayan loved it, it looked soft and comfortable, soothing his soul right away. The sweater was a little bit oversized, just like always, and Ayan swallowed thickly as a gentle voice broke through the screaming silence in his room.

“ Hello and welcome back, ” came out the soft and soothing voice, careful not to speak too loud. “ Or, well, if this is your first time here, then hello and I am glad that you found this little corner. Hopefully it can bring some peace into your busy day. ”

Ayan smiled and he almost felt like replying back, but he responded in his head, greeting Moonlight Whispers back. Ayan could hear the soft tapping of the rain against the windows and he sighed, slowly closing his eyes because he was only a few seconds in, but he already felt much calmer. 

“Ah, it seems we’re in for a little drizzle tonight. Not too bad. It’ll add to the atmosphere of the video.”

Ayan had to agree – he loved the background sound of the rain and Ayan slowly opened his eyes, smiling when he heard that the plan for today’s video was poem reading. 

“But first, I just want to ask you – how are you?”

And there it was – the question that made his throat tighten. Ayan exhaled shakily as he shifted in his bed, closing his eyes. It was just something about the way this person talked – almost if he knew how it feels to be this overwhelmed. Ayan was…

“ I want to remind you that no matter what happened today, that you’re okay. Maybe it doesn’t feel like this right now, but  trust me. You are doing just oka y.” 

Ayan’s breathing got heavier, his vision blurry.

“I know that sometimes our thoughts can get too loud. The world gets too heavy, you feel like you’re carrying too much at once, maybe you feel like you’re all alone, but just for now. You can set it all down. You can set your worries aside, just for a little while. ”

Ayan’s grip tightened around his phone.

 ” Close your eyes, if you want. You can take a deep breath with me. ”

Ayan tried, he really tried to take that breath, to follow the sound of the whisper as he wanted to calm down. He was listening, he was slowly breathing along, feeling his anxiety flowing away, but then he heard…

“You are safe here. And if no one has told you today then I will say it – you’re doing so well. Thank you for being here, for trying. I am so proud of you.”

Air was punched out of Ayan when he heard that. 

Something inside of him broke and he unraveled, a sob escaping past his lips. Ayan pressed a hand over his mouth as tears streamed down his cheeks as he sucked in a deep breath. Ayan curled in on himself as he grabbed onto the necklace again, stuffing his face into the pillow as he cried silently. 

“There’s no expectations or pressure. All you have to do is listen and breathe. That is all. Remember, you are not alone.”

Those words were set deep within Ayan’s core.

Ayan didn’t know this person, he didn’t know his name, he didn’t know anything about him and yet… He felt like he could trust him.

Right at that very moment, it felt like he was the only one who could understand.

Akk was already sitting in the classroom, scrolling on his phone. 

As the prefect, he should really be minding the rules more – there was a no phone policy in the classrooms, even if the classes didn’t start yet, but he just needed something to get him through the morning, so he was reading the comments underneath his most recent video, which he uploaded last night. 

Akk’s smile was wide as he read through a few comments. 

@nightowl_21

It’s 2 am and I couldn’t fall asleep because my boyfriend broke up with me today. But, then I found this and it helped me. Thank you for this, I hope you know how much we appreciate you. 

@cloudcollecter:

Not me crying 3 minutes in 😭😭. 

@stargazer88:

You always seem to post whenever I need it the most. Really, thank you for being a quiet place in this noise 🥹🫂

@butterfly_32

I found your channel by accident, but I am so happy that I did. You’ve helped me through quite a few rough patches in my life. And this video was just perfect. I loved your selection of poems, truly so heart-warming. Watching your videos always feels like getting a warm hug 🥰

@hiddenharbor:

The ‘you’re not alone part’ really got to me. I needed to hear this today 😭😭

And then there was one comment that made Akk chuckle. 

@little_princess_of_the_sky

Day 76 of asking for a face reveal. Maybe at 20k subs? 👀

Akk snorted, but he liked the comment. He wanted to reply to the comments – it was still early, so he was the only one sitting in the classroom.

Or, so he thought. 

Because just as he hit the reply button, he flinched as someone suddenly spoke up, right somewhere behind him and Akk quickly turned the screen of his phone around, slamming the phone against the desk, his heart hammering against his ribcage, hoping that whoever it was didn’t see…

“Mr. Prefect – aren’t you aware of the school policy?” asked the voice and Akk felt his soul darkening because he knew who it was. Sadly. Ayan! “No phone in the classroom!”

Akk rolled his eyes.

“Leave me alone,” said Akk as he really didn’t like Ayan.

Ayan was a new student – he transferred here at the beginning of the school year and Akk didn’t like him. At all. Because Ayan was everything that Akk disliked – he didn’t like following the rules, he was loud and obnoxious, he didn’t want to wear the school uniform and most important – he loved messing around with Akk’s head way too freaking much.

Akk disliked him. With passion. 

“But, how do you expect others to follow your rules if you can’t follow them yourself?” asked Ayan as he plopped down onto the chair next to Akk, who gritted his teeth.

“Why are you here already?”

“I could ask you the same-”

“I’m the prefect, I’m allowed to be here!” snapped Akk.

“Ah,” said Ayan. “I didn’t know that being the prefect granted you so many privileges. Now I can’t even sit at my own spot?” he asked and Akk huffed under his breath.

It was true that Ayan sat next to him, but they were the only ones in the classroom – he could’ve sat down somewhere else for the time being. Akk didn’t say anything, he just glanced away and closed his eyes, trying to ignore Ayan, but the other one kept on pushing it. 

“You were in such a hurry to hide what you were doing on your phone – suspicious,” said Ayan.

“Oh, shut up,” said Akk.

“What were you watching, Akk?” asked Ayan and leaned too close to Akk. “Naughty videos?” asked Ayan on purpose and Akk’s face turned red, the tips of his ears turning red as well.

“Shameless, you are really fucking shameless!” snapped Akk, his heart hammering against his ribcage.

“What?” asked Ayan innocently. “I don’t judge. You may share some if you find anything good-”

“Oh, fuck off!” groaned Akk and stuffed his face into his palms, trying to ignore Ayan, who only leaned back against the chair and he snickered.

Even if everything about this school sucked, there was at least something that kept Ayan entertained – messing with Akk never got boring. 

So, at least Ayan had something going for him, even everything else was falling apart. 

Chapter Text

Akk kept his eyes focused on the floor as he couldn’t handle looking up and seeing the pure and sheer disappointment in the teacher's eyes. Akk was called to teacher Chadok’s office because he got caught using his phone. Again. It was against the rules, Akk was aware of it, but he wasn’t in class when it happened. 

It was a free period.

It didn’t matter – he was still caught using his phone on school grounds, which was against the school’s policy. It was Akk’s own fault for being this stupid. Akk was supposed to set the example for others, he was supposed to be better than everyone. He was the head prefect boy, but he was just failing. 

The office felt colder than usual as Akk stood completely rigid in front of Chadok’s desk and he didn’t dare to look up. He couldn’t. Akk was nervous because he knew what was coming his way, his clammy hands folding into fists, fingers digging into his palms, knuckles going white to the bone.

Akk was a disappointment, not the school’s prefect.

Shame.

Akk should truly be ashamed.

And his grades were slipping. 

All of it was just too much. Akk didn’t have anything figured out. If he carried this on, he was going to lose his scholarship, he would disappoint his parents and… Akk wished he was in his room behind the locked door and just.. Work on a video. Akk needed something to calm him down. 

But, this was exactly why his grades were slipping lately, why he was barely handing in his projects and assignments on time. It was because instead of studying, he would spend all of his free time working on new videos. It was either recording them, writing scripts for the videos or editing them. All of that took a lot of time since Akk was doing all of it alone.

Akk wanted the videos to be perfect. 

Since he loved the whole process – from buying new things for the videos, to recording and then the editing process – he would sometimes completely lose track of time, even if he didn’t mean to. He wished he knew how to balance it out better. 

Akk knew if he would spend more time on school, then he would be able to get his grades back on track. His grades were still good , he was still one of the best students, but it wasn’t enough. Still, Akk didn’t want to go back to how he once was. 

Akk didn’t want to give up making videos. 

Akk finally felt something other than despair and loneliness. He didn’t want to go back to that dark and lonely place truly was the most terrifying thing ever. Because even if he couldn’t talk about his problems to anyone in real life, he could do that online. Online, no one knew who he was, so reading and replying to comments made him feel like he wasn’t alone.

Online he could be himself, not the expectations everyone wanted him to be.

Knowing he could reach out to other people and make their everyday lives just a little bit easier meant too much to Akk now to back out. 

Chadok slammed a stack of papers on top of his desk when he saw that his student wasn’t really paying attention to him, and Akk flinched immediately, taking a step back immediately. Meanwhile Akk managed to deal with stress when he was alone, he was still a mess when he was called to Chadok’s office. The man made Akk nervous, too freaking nervous. 

“Explain this to me,” said Chadok.

Chadok’s voice  was too quiet and calm for Akk’s liking because he knew what was coming. It wasn’t the first time that it was going to happen and not the last one. Akk closed his eyest. Akk was trying, he was doing his very best, but his very best wasn’t enough. 

“Explain what, sir?” asked Akk.

The teacher laughed. 

“Where do we start?” asked Chadok and he crossed his legs. “Let’s start with today,” he said and Akk slowly nodded, but he kept looking away. “You know all too damn well about the rules that this school has, Akk! You were on your phone, again!”

“I know, I’m sorry-”

“Instead of reviewing the material you were using your phone,” said Chadok. “Is this why your grades started to drop?” he asked and he made a little pause. “You are supposed to set an example for other students. This is why I chose you to be the head prefect,” he said and then he made a pause. “I guess I was wrong.”

Akk gulped and his fingers were twitching and his sides, slowly uncurling his fists as he felt the familiar itch. It was a bad habit, a habit that he thought he got over with, but there it was again. The familiar itch and Akk started picking at the skin around his nails.

The pain was there to ground him, but he didn’t like it. 

Chadok was getting frustrated. Akk was refusing to look at him and he didn’t do well with that. Akk knew that teacher Chadok found it rude and disrespectful when people weren’t looking at him as he was having a conversation with them, but Akk really couldn’t deal with…

“How many times do I have to tell you this, Akk?” snapped Chadok. “Look at me when I’m talking to you!”

There it was – Chadok raised his voice.

Akk’s head quickly snapped up and he pressed his lips together, instinctively apologising again yet again. Deep shame filled his chest, caving in. The teacher put a lot of trust in him when choosing him as the prefect, so Akk knew that there was a lot of responsibility that went along with that title.

There was a time that Akk was proud of being the prefect, but right now it was just… 

Frustration was clear in Chadok’s eyes, his face  red with anger and frustration. He needed Akk to start talking, but the other was still just standing there, like a deer caught in the headlights.

Akk had nothing, no explanation for what was happening to him. Nothing. 

Akk finally found a way to be happy – something that didn’t involve school. Something that he truly liked, which was to create videos, but it was a distraction from what he was supposed to be doing. 

“Did I make a mistake by choosing you as the prefect this year?!”

Those words were like a slap in the face and Akk quickly shook his head. The office felt suffocating, Akk’s nails digging deeper into the skin, the stinging getting worse, but at the time being, he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t even register the pain properly. 

Akk shook his head.

“No, sir,” said Akk.

“Then prove that,” snapped Chadok again. “You’ve been slacking off!”

“I’m sorry.”

“Is this what leadership looks like to you, Akk?!”

Akk frantically shook his head.

“No, sir.”

Chadok suddenly slammed his fists against the desk out of frustration. That slam came completely out of nowhere and Akk flinched again. The adrenaline spiked up, digging too deep and he hissed when he felt a sharp sting, his eyes travelling lower. 

Streaks of blood rose as his nail broke the skin, a thin line of blood running along the cuticle of his thumb, but Akk didn’t stop. It was a nervous habit and right now, he couldn’t calm down, even if he wanted to. Akk saw the blood, but he was too nervous.

  Again, he would again have to start wearing the bandaids for his videos to cover up the little wounds. 

Akk quickly hid his hands behind his back. 

Ugly.

Akk’s chest felt tight because he knew that Chadok was nowhere near being done with him. He was going to scold him for much longer and Akk was going to take it because what else could he do? 

It was going to be fine.

Akk was going to be safe. 

Just a little bit longer. 

Just a bit more and he could escape this hell. 

In a few hours, it was only going to be him, his computer and relaxing music as he would work on the script for his new video. Akk had a new idea to film and he also had a video to edit. There was a lot that he needed to do, so whatever Chadok had coming his way, Akk was going to be just fine. 

It was going to be fine.

Akk finally had a way to deal with all this shit and he wasn’t going to let that be taken away from him. 

Ayan was sitting outside of teacher Chadok’s office. He was sent to the principal for bad-mouthing a teacher, but since the principal was away on business that day, the teacher decided to send him to Chadok. Ayan wasn’t impressed, but at the same time, he didn’t care. 

Ayan really couldn’t bring himself enough to care about what happened.

If he got expelled? Then so be it.

Ayan was getting in trouble far too much at the school, but at the same time, the teachers at Suppalo pissed him off. All of them, except for teacher Sani, never gave a shit about their students, did they? All they cared about was keeping up the good academic scores and stroking their egos. Plus, the rules were fucking ridiculous.

The teachers there weren’t to teach them anything useful, but to brainwash them into obedient people without having an opinion of their own. As soon as a student had an opinion that went against their belief, they tried to shut it down right away. It didn’t remind Ayan of an education system, but of a fucking cult. 

Ayan was… tired. 

Unlike all of the teachers here at Suppalo, his uncle Dika was nothing like this. Meanwhile, he wasn’t one of Ayan’s teachers directly, he knew just how much his uncle cared for his students. He was compassionate, he had empathy – he was a good person, a wonderful teacher. He was popular among the students, but it was just that…

Ayan felt his throat tightening when he found his thoughts wandering to places he didn’t want to, especially not in school. That was why he glanced up at the ceiling and blinked a few times as he was desperate to dry his tears. 

Ayan’s been waiting for a while now. 

There was someone else in the office with teacher Chadok at that very moment and honestly, Ayan pitied them. He didn’t wish this upon his worst enemy and his eyes widened a bit when he heard the man raising his voice, yelling at a student.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you!”

Ayan’s eyes travelled over to the door and he exhaled, feeling upset. 

Then, there was a long pause before Chadok yelled again.

“Did I make a mistake by choosing you as the prefect this year?!”

The… prefect? Who was teacher Chadok yelling at right now? There were a few names that came to his mind, but Akk wasn’t one of them. Because the teacher wouldn’t have any reasons to be yelling at Akk, right?

But, then he heard…

“Is this what leadership looks like to you, Akk?!”

Ayan’s eyes widened and he flinched when he heard a loud slam, quickly standing up because… What the fuck was happening in there?! His jaw tightened and he was tempted to barge in.

Chadok was yelling at Akk of all students?!

Not because he cared about Akk in particular, but because this wasn’t how a teacher was supposed to behave – using violence?! Besides, Akk was the best student, wasn’t he? He was following the rules and his grades were impeccable. He was also a pain in Ayan’s neck, but that was a different story.

Ayan was already grabbing onto the doorknob, but then he stopped himself and he slowly placed the hand down because this… This wasn’t his thing to get involved in. That was why he reluctantly pulled his hand away and he sat back down, but his eyes were still on the door.

The door swung open not too long after. 

Ayan’s eyes travelled to the door and out came walking Akk, whose face was completely blank. His eyes were looking lost as he closed the door. 

Akk stood there completely frozen in place and at first he didn’t realise that he wasn’t alone – he didn’t see Ayan as he was caught in his own mind, Chadok’s words repeating in his head over and over again, his fingers gripping, clutching onto the strap of his bag as if he was trying to grab onto something to feel… grounded in the moment.

Ayan noticed how stiff Akk’s shoulders were, his fingers were shaking and his eyes widened when he saw a small, dark smudge of blood near Akk’s thumb. It was subtle, but it was there. 

Ayan was great at noticing little details like that – he was observant. When he stood up, the chair creaked and Akk finally snapped out of it, noticing Ayan standing next to him.

Akk’s breath shook.

Great.

Of all people, he just had to run into Ayan?!

Ayan spoke before he could think.

“Are you okay?” asked Ayan and Akk stiffened – why was Ayan pretending like he cared about him all of the sudden?! Ayan was there just to mess with his head, so by pretending to be nice all of the sudden…

“I’m fine,” said Akk.

“You’re bleeding,” said Ayan and Akk quickly covered his thumb with the rest of his fingers and he moved his arm behind his back. Akk looked almost ashamed to be caught like this. “Akk-”

“Fuck off,” said Akk, his voice tense as he walked past Ayan. 

Akk needed to get the hell away from there. 

Ayan gritted his teeth when Akk shoved past him, picking up the pace of his steps and he rolled his eyes because would it really kill Akk to be nice to him once in a while?! Ayan knew that Akk didn’t like him, but still – he was showing concern about him and all that Akk could do was tell him to fuck off?

Seriously, screw this school and everyone there. 

“Sorry for caring! Won’t happen again!” yelled Ayan after him, but Akk wasn’t listening anymore, disappearing behind the corner and Ayan just angrily cursed under his breath before he was called into Chadok’s office.

After school, Akk locked himself inside of his room. He cancelled the plans he made with Wat and Khan that day – he couldn’t deal with anyone. He just wanted to be alone, sitting at his desk, his foot tapping against the floor as his fingers were carefully unwrapping the bandaid and placing it over the wound on his thumb. 

The band aid itself was cute – to cover up the ugly truth underneath. 

Pretty light lavender colour with moon crescents and little stars printed on it.

It was childish, it was silly, but it was what helped. It was ridiculous, Akk was aware, but he didn’t care. Besides, it kind of helped to blend with the themes of his videos a bit more, huffing under his breath because it’s really been a while since he slipped up like this. He wouldn’t want to get caught wearing it in public, but in the comfort of his own room, it was okay.

There were again going to be worried comments, asking him if he was okay.

Akk was going to use the same old excuse – he was clumsy when it came to cooking. He tried to shake off the old habit for the sake of his videos as the main focus truly was on his hands and fingers, but every now and then, he still slipped up.

Akk felt like he was holding in his breath for the whole day, like he couldn’t take a proper breath in as he slowly started putting text books out of his bag and he felt sick as there was so much that he needed to do for school tomorrow, but his eyes wandered over to the laptop as he was tempted to work on the video.

Editing his already recorded video.

Writing the script for the new video.

And yet – Akk knew he needed to stop slacking off. 

Akk decided to start working on his homework first, but before he was going to do that… He pulled out his phone. Akk just needed to spend a moment or two interacting with the people that left comments under his most recent video. Akk didn’t dare to call people that watched his videos his fans because that made Akk feel like he was above them.

Like he was something more, but he wasn’t. 

Akk was just a person. 

Akk sighed under his breath as he tapped onto the comments, slowly scrolling through them and he finally felt like he was calming down as he was replying, making sure to take time to respond to every single one of them. Even if it was only a heart emoticon, it was enough to show that he cared. 

Most of the comments were already the ones that Akk had read in the morning, but there was one comment that wasn’t there when he woke up. It was a comment left on his recent video, just an hour ago. 

It was long. 

Unusually long. 

Akk slowly leaned back in his chair as he slowly scrolled down, slowly reading the whole comment.

@halfawake

I’ve been watching your videos for months now and I finally decided to leave a comment. I don’t know why it took me so long. But, then again, I really don’t know why I’m writing one now. I just wanted to let you know that your videos truly are amazing. I’m sure this isn’t your first time hearing this, but your videos truly make a difference. For me it’s the only thing that shuts up that noise in my head when it all gets too much.

It’s kind of weird, isn’t it? I mean we’re just strangers, we don’t even know each other, but sometimes it feels like you know me. You always know what to say to help people calm down. I don’t know how you manage to do it, I guess your videos are just magic, lol. 

I’ve had a rough time lately. Not just ‘oh, I had a shitty day at school’ or ‘my mom grounded me for not getting good grades’, but things have been really difficult. I lost someone close to me and it’s been tough. People always say that it gets easier with time, but they’re just a bunch of liars. It doesn’t get easier, not at all. It just gets quieter, like the grief is waiting to jump on you when you’re all alone. I try to pretend I’m doing better for the sake of other people, but you’re the first person that makes me feel like I don’t have to pretend. I can be just myself when I watch your videos. You made me realise it’s okay to not be okay.

Your videos truly have saved me. I know it probably sounds cheesy, but I really don’t know if I would still be here kicking if I haven’t stumbled upon your videos. Kind of dramatic, but it’s true. So, I guess, I just wanted to say thank you. I mean it - thank you for being here. For doing this. And I don’t know if anyone asks you – but how are you? I hope you’re okay. You keep telling us how much we matter, but I want you to know that you matter as well. 

Thank you for everything. 

Akk read the comment over and over again. 

Akk’s jaw clenched and he gripped around the phone, the words in front of his eyes blurring as he kept re-reading, tears welling up in his eyes already. Akk felt like he was holding back his breath ever since he stepped out of Chadok’s office, but reading this comment finally made it possible for him to exhale. 

Akk’s chest felt tight again. He let out a shaky breath as he read the comment again.

And again.

Akk couldn’t seem to stop, but he made sure to read every single word carefully, each word burning into his core because this was the first time that a comment made him feel like this. As he blinked, hot tears spilled over and he didn’t even try to hold them back because this comment touched him in ways that Akk couldn’t even explain.

To know that his videos helped someone this much. 

And then there were the words…

Thank you for being here.

I hope you’re okay.

You matter.

Thank you for everything.

Akk hiccuped softly as warmth bloomed in his chest. It was all overwhelming.

You matter. 

The words sat there and Akk was unable to move on. Such a simple sentence, only two words and yet it made something crack within Akk. 

Akk closed his eyes and tipped his head back a little bit. Receiving a comment like this after the shitty day that he had was too much and he couldn’t hold the tears back, his shoulder shaking as another broken sob made its way past his lips. Akk exploded, gritting his teeth.

The comment made him feel seen. 

For once, there was someone asking him how he felt. 

This person, @ halfawake, a total stranger, was offering him more kindness than anyone this whole day. That was all that it took, really. Akk swallowed back another sob as he opened his eyes and he smiled through his tears, wiping them with the back of his palm, hovering his fingers over the reply button. 

There was so much that Akk wanted to write back in his reply, but he was still too overwhelmed. Suddenly, everything that happened that day disappeared. Chadok’s words lost their weight and Akk slowly placed his phone back down as he wanted to take a few moments to collect himself before he typed back that reply as wanted to give this person a proper reply.

Akk glanced at the textbooks, his eyes travelling to the computer and he didn’t even have to wonder how he was going to spend the rest of his day – Akk was motivated more than ever to push one more video out that week. 

Everything else could wait.

Ayan was sitting in the dining room alone, his mother out working late again. That meant that he had the whole house to himself and Ayan wished that there was someone there. Ayan asked Thua , the only person that was willing to talk to him normally over, but he was also busy, so that left Ayan completely alone.

Again.

Ayan understood it, though. His mother was working hard in order to support the two of them. They were always well off with money, but things have been more difficult since uncle Dika passed. She was working longer hours now, but not because she wanted to keep her mind busy and pretend like nothing happened. It was quite the contrary – she just wanted to give Ayan the best possible chance that she could. 

It wasn’t easy.

Ayan’s mother and his father split when he was still young. This was why he was so close to his uncle – he was the one who helped his sister raise the boy when his father wasn’t around. But, now she was alone again and it was just… 

Ayan was her number one, he knew that. She made sure that Ayan was getting the help that he needed after everything happened, but this couldn’t be fixed overnight. 

Ayan’s breath shook as he was sitting at the table. His uncle’s diary rested on the table in front of him, its cover already worn out from years of use. All of the pages were almost full,  filled with his uncle’s handwriting and Ayan didn’t even know why he kept doing this to himself.

Just seeing his handwriting was too painful for him to handle sometimes. 

Ayan slowly flipped through the pages, his fingers occasionally tracing along the slant of the letters. Some entries in the diary made him smile, then there were the others that just made him want to scream with pure agony. If he only noticed something earlier, if only he or his mother knew just how… 

Ayan felt himself grabbing at the pendant again and he slowly closed the diary, shaking his head.

This was pointless.

This wasn’t going to bring his uncle back. 

Ayan’s chest ached with that dull, hollow pain.

But, this was the only way he could feel close to him again. This was the only thing that was still… 

Ayan’s gaze was unsteady when he heard a soft buzz of his phone and he glanced to the side, blinking a few times as he pulled himself out of that spiralling haze when his phone lit up. Honestly, he wasn’t expecting much, not anything important. Perhaps just one of his apps giving him another pointless update. 

But then his eyes saw the words.

@MoonlightWhispers replied to your comment. 

Ayan’s eyes widened and his heart leaped up to his throat as he quickly unlocked his phone. It almost didn’t feel real, even if he knew that he replied to every comment, he honestly didn’t think that his favourite creator would reply.

Ayan left a long ass comment before – he meant every single word behind it, but it was long. He used such a lame username as well – @halfawake. But… it was how he felt lately all the damn time. Never fully awake, perhaps on purpose as reality sucked too freaking much.

And yet it was true — the reply was there. 

@MoonlightWhispers:

Wow. Hello. First of all, thank you. This is the first time that I received a comment that has touched me like this. Truly. Reading this made me realise what truly matters and why I started this channel in the first place. To find a little bit of quiet when things get too much.

I am sorry for your loss. I won't pretend and say I know exactly how that feels, but I do know what it’s like to feel like giving up. On those really bad days, it’s the small things that somehow get you through – the quiet moments that make the dark and scary ones a little less heavy. And I am really honoured if my videos can be that small thing for you. 

Thank you for still being here. You’re doing your very best and this is enough. You are enough. 

Your words made me my day, I really needed to hear this today. It’s been a rough one, so thank you. 

Really, thank you.

~🌕⭐

Ayan’s eyes widened when he saw just how long the reply was.

Ayan quickly liked the reply, those words of affirmation working like magic immediately. He felt calmer, he could almost hear his voice reading this comment out to him. Ayan tightened the grip around his phone and a little chuckle escaped past his lips. 

Ayan didn’t even know why he decided to leave that  comment before, he just wanted the other one to know how much he appreciated his hard work. He deserved to know, so Ayan decided to finally reach out. 

Ayan made sure that he took a screenshot of that reply – for safe keeping.

Then, he re-read the comment again. 

And again.

Oh, he was definitely going to show off to his mom about this. 

Ayan’s smile was bright because finally something good happened that day. And he wasn’t taking it for granted. Like it was said, it was the small things that get you through the dark times. 

Chapter Text

Akk was sitting in front of his computer, eyeing the books in the corner – finally he was done studying. He was exhausted, but he had a perfect way of cheering himself up.

It’s been on Akk’s mind for days, ever since he hit 15,000 subscribers a few days ago. This was a huge milestone. And he wanted to do something special to mark it, but he didn’t know what. He wanted to do a special video, but then again, he couldn’t think of anything that he could actually film that would be special enough. 

Akk wanted to do something that he had never done before – something to surprise the people that followed his channel. Something different and new. He wanted to tell people how much he appreciated them, he wanted to tell them directly how much he appreciated all the love and support that his channel was getting. 

Something more than just a video.

So, an idea popped into his mind – a live stream.

Akk had never done a live stream before, but people have been asking him in the comments if he would be willing to do a live stream at some point. The thing was – a live stream was very different from his videos so far. His videos were carefully edited, carefully curated. The script was carefully written down, something that Akk loved doing.

No place for mistakes. 

However, it wouldn’t hurt to be a little bit more spontaneous, right? The idea was playing with his mind for three whole days and if it was something that just wouldn’t leave him, then Akk knew that it was something that he had to do, his eyes wandering to the community post that he had made late last night. Completely on impulse. 

@MoonlightWhispers:

Wow. I still cannot believe that there are actually 15,000 of you. When I first started this channel, I never thought everyone would be willing to watch. I am extremely grateful for every single one of you. This channel started as something small, as a way for me to find a way to cope with everyday stress, so to know that my videos are now able to reach so many people and actually help… It’s truly amazing. I never imagined this would happen.

So, because I want to say thank you, I want to try something new. Consider it as a little surprise.

I’ll be going live tomorrow night. 

Since it’ll be the first time ever, please be nice… I literally have no idea what I’m doing 🥹

Again, thank you so much for this. 

~ 🌕⭐

Akk nearly ended up deleting the post the second that he posted it, but then reading just how excited people were… Akk decided to leave it be. 

It was… 

Akk was actually excited about the live stream. That was until now, literally minutes before going live that he started stressing about the whole thing, finding it extremely stupid because there were so many things that could go wrong while he was going live.

What if the Wi-Fi died?

His camera froze?

What if he said something stupid?

What if… No one showed up?

Akk took a deep breath in and tapped his cheeks, trying to snap out of it. It was all going to be just fine, right? People were going to show up. It was going to be fine. 

And if he messed up? Then, so be it. That was the charm of live streams, anyway. There was a room for mistakes, he didn’t have to be always perfect. Akk slowly scrolled down to read a few of the comments that people left last night underneath his community post in order to calm his nerves down a little bit. 

@little_princess_of_the_sky:

A livestream?! OMG, imagine his voice live without any edits. 🫠 How am I supposed to survive this?! 😭😭😭

@nightowl_21:

Again congrats on the 15k subs, I can’t imagine anyone who would deserve this more. And a live stream? Someone please pinch me! I’m super excited, I cannot wait. And don’t worry, you will do amazing 🥰💗

@butterfly_32:

A live stream after the week I had?! You don’t understand how much I NEED, thank you! I can’t wait, literally so excited 😌

@halfawake:

15k well-deserved! As for the live stream, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t excited. I truly cannot wait, but also no pressure, okay? Just do your thing, no need to be nervous, just be yourself. This is our safe space, right? ⭐

Akk was biting on his lower lip as he read the very last comment – @halfawake. Oh, Akk memorised the profile name, he recognised it right away. Now it always stood out from the rest because he couldn’t move on from the comment he got from this person.

The comment made Akk smile, relaxing him right away. His eyes went wide a little bit when he saw that he didn’t like the comment yet and he quickly made sure to like it.

Akk wasn’t supposed to have his biases, but…

“No need to be nervous, right,” said Akk to himself and cleared his throat.  He exhaled, rubbing his hands over his face and then he glanced at the whole set up. 

The lights in the room were dimmed, the background the same as ever – the bookshelves, books and his two little plants. Since this was a special video, he decided to add fairy lights into the background as well – they were cute. The only thing that he wasn’t really sure about was… Akk extended his hands out and his eyes were now on the deep purple sweater that he was wearing. 

“Does this even suit me?” asked Akk as he felt his cheeks heating up.

Purple wasn’t really his colour, was it?

But, since he was all about trying something new – he decided to try this sweater out. Maybe it would add on the soft and calming atmosphere of the video, tugging onto the sleeves yet again, feeling his palms getting sweaty. The fabric was soft and warm around his fingers, calming him down again. 

It didn’t matter.

People couldn’t see his face, anyway. 

It was going to be fine – just like recording a video. His fingers were fumbling around the cuffs of his sweater yet again. Akk knew that if he didn’t stop overthinking about every single little thing that he was never going to press that GO LIVE button. 

Akk decided to just go for it, keeping in his breath when he finally clicked onto the button, sitting there in silence as he waited for everything to load up. 

Ayan was in his room. Waiting. 

It was freaking embarrassing for how long he had been waiting, but he was resting on his bed, checking every single notification that got sent to his phone, waiting for only one notification, really. Ayan was waiting for Moonlight Whispers to go live. It was the only thing that was on his mind since last night.

Ayan didn’t know when the live stream was happening, but he had been waiting since 8pm. It was now getting close to 11 and Ayan was still waiting. He was still eager as before. He had the Youtube app open, refreshing the app every few seconds, which was truly lame of him.

This really wasn’t like Ayan.

At all.

But, this was the first time that his favourite creator was going to be live streaming and he didn’t want to miss it for the world. Since the day that Moonlight Whispers replied to his comment, Ayan was on cloud nine. 

Ayan was staring at the screen when it finally happened.

The notification finally popped up.

@MoonlightWhispers is going live. 

Ayan tapped onto the notification right away, not wanting to miss anything. He straightened himself up the bed as he was holding onto his phone, eyes locked on the screen as the live stream was loading, Ayan smiling when he finally saw him.

A blurry, slightly shaky screen at first. Soon, he could properly see the soft and warm glow of fairy lights from the background, which was something new. It was fitting and he sighed along, his eyes dancing around the whole set up. The background was otherwise dimly lit.

He was wearing a deep purple sweater.

Those long fingers were already pulling onto the sleeves, Ayan noticing how he wasn’t wearing the band aids anymore. He was glad. He wore the bandaids for two last videos, claiming that he was clumsy when it came to cooking. Even if that was true, Ayan was glad that it was all better now. 

There was pure silence for quite a while now, the other one sitting there completely in silence, checking up on the mic, positioning it a little bit differently. Ayan saw that the other one had a drink next to him – a light purple boba drink.

Truly everything to fit the atmosphere. 

Then, a little nervous giggle filled Ayan’s ears. 

“ Oh, uh, hi? I think it’s working, let me just see, ” came a nervous voice. Soft little whispers. His voice was even softer than usual, shaking a little bit and Ayan was just.. “ Is it working? Can you hear me? How can I see the chat, wait- ”

Ayan pressed his lips together.

“ Oh! It’s here! I found it! I can see the chat, but can you see me? Or hear me? ” came out the soft voice again and Ayan’s breath shook. “ Okay, okay. Hi. Sorry. Wow, this is already a mess, huh? ”

A mess, where?

An adorable mess, yes.

Ayan smiled immediately because holy fucking shit this person was adorable. Ayan had always loved his videos because they were calming, but this was new – this awkwardness, perhaps even the slight clumsiness, the way he kept awkwardly giggling, tugging at the sleeves of his sweater.

Not even two minutes in and Ayan was already losing his shit. 

How can someone be this adorable? 

How was he real?

“ Ah, plan for the day? ” he whispered. “ I thought I would just hang out with you, no real plans. I haven’t prepared everything. I wanted to just be myself for once without a script. I would love to answer your questions – if you have any. I don’t know, I’m a pretty boring person, but I’ll try to make this interesting. ”

Ayan was completely drawn in, not even giving himself the time to comment. No, he couldn’t. He was just watching the video, loving the way Moonlight Whisper’s voice softened as he read the comments, his little laughter melting Ayan’s heart. He was nervous, second guessing himself out loud. 

It was all so new to Ayan.

It felt more real, it felt…unfiltered and he loved it.

Ayan wanted to know more about him.

“ Okay, so let’s see, there’s some questions coming in, ” he said and gently ran his fingers over the soft mic cover, which sent pleasant tingles down Ayan’s scalp, feeling it going down to his nape as he listened to the light scratches, staring at those long fingers completely mesmerised. 

“ How am I feeling? Am I nervous? A little bit since I don’t know what I’m doing, but I'm also excited. ”

Ayan was glad to hear that.

“ No, I don’t have any pets, sadly. I would love to. A dog or a cat, maybe even both, ” he said and made a little pause as his voice got a bit more serious. “ You see, unlike people, an animal will always love you unconditionally. People are more… complicated. ”

Ayan’s smile slowly disappeared because he could sense that there was more to this. Ayan could feel the heaviness behind his words and he agreed with him – he also preferred animals to people. But Ayan didn’t really have the time to think as a new question already came in. 

“ Do I believe in ghosts? No. But, I do enjoy a good ghost story once in a while, ” he said with a giggle and Ayan smiled along with him. 

“ Would you rather fight a one horse-sized duck or hundred duck-sized horses? ” he read out loud and Ayan frowned, trying not to burst out into laughter because what was that?! The other one also paused and he sounded almost shocked. “ What kind of a question is that? ”

But the question made him laugh. 

Moonlight Whispers reached for his drink, but then he ended up bumping a pen off of the desk. He paused and then he sighed out loud, accepting his fate. Ayan bit back a chuckle.

“ I’m not this clumsy in real life, I promise, ” sighed the other one.

The chat completely lost it over the way he said it. There was a little whine, a sigh, a moan of annoyance.

The chat lost it, and so did Ayan.

Ayan’s heart wasn’t meant to deal with so much cuteness at the same time. 

Akk had been live for about an hour and he finally completely relaxed. He was having fun – it was nice to be just sitting there in the comfort of his room and rambling about stuff. He spent the last fifteen minutes rambling about his favourite books and authors, feeling like everyone would get bored, but his viewers were interacting, telling about their favourite books and authors.

Akk had many new book recommendations to check out!

Akk loved interacting with his viewers like this – all of them had interesting questions, comments kept coming in with fast speed, so Akk was having a difficult time with reading all of them. They kept coming too fast, narrowing his eyes as he read the next comment.

“Next question… Do you like tea or coffee better?” asked Akk, keeping his eyes on the screen as he kept on reading in his mind. “I think, wait, um,” he said as he tried to answer, but then he read the next comment out loud by accident. “ Your voice makes my heart melt?! ”

Akk realised what he had just blurted out loud.

Akk’s face heated up, heat rushed to his cheeks and he choked on his breath, trying to keep his low, but the pitch of his voice kept rising and his cheeks flushed even more when he read the comments afterwards. 

The chat went feral.  

@cozy_night:

OMG I CAN’T BELIEVE HE JUST READ THAT OUT LOUD

@cloudcollecter:

Omg, but where’s the lie? 🫠🫠

@little_princess_of_the_sky:

How are you this cute?! 🤏🤏🤏🤏

Akk choked on his breath and he pressed his cold fingers against his cheeks, trying to cool them off.

“I’m not cute,” said Akk, stumbling over his words terribly.

Akk wasn’t used to this – being called cute, there were too many praises coming at him at once and he just couldn’t deal with it all. Akk’s brain was overheating, he was in the process of melting as he didn’t know how to freaking deal with all of the attention at once.

Akk wasn’t the only one who was close to screaming, Ayan was as well.

Ayan had been watching this whole time, completely mesmerised by the person that kept rambling about his favourite books. Ayan was pleased to find out that they liked the same genre of books as well, which was wonderful. Not really sure why, but it made Ayan feel like he was closer to this person.

And now this… Too cute. 

Ayan’s fingers finally moved as he also needed to write a comment. It would be a shame if he spent the whole live stream just smiling like an idiot, but not interacting at all. 

Akk was flustered as he couldn’t seem to bounce back no matter how much he tried. He almost ended up bumping his half-empty glass of drink, but he quickly grabbed onto it, a loud yelp escaping past his lips.

Way too loud. 

Akk quickly turned off the microphone, trying his best to calm down. He was speaking softly, whispering up until now. So, a sudden yelp like that was bound to startle the people watching the stream, so he placed his hands together apologetically and bowed his head as he turned on his mic again.

“Crap, I’m sorry,” said Akk and his eyes widened. “Please, ignore what you just heard.”

Ayan was silently laughing and he shook his head. Since Ayan wanted to know more about this person, he decided to finally stop wasting time and he decided to ask…

@halfawake:

What kind of music do you like?

Akk’s eyes clocked the username right away and he felt oddly giddy when he read the comment, slowly exhaling. Ayan smiled when he saw the other one placing his hand over his chest, slowly placing his hands down on top of the desk and he grabbed onto the book to distract himself a little bit, gently tapping against the hardcover before he finally replied.

“I like songs that calm me down,” was all that Akk whispered.

Ayan blinked at his screen. Me too. Another thing they had in common.

@butterfly_32:

What’s your favourite colour? 🥹

Akk hummed.

“Green, maybe?” asked Akk and shrugged. “I like simple and calm colours,” he said as he kept trailing his fingers along the spine of the book. “How about you guys? Which colours do you like?”

Ayan felt like typing something ticklish. It was… He couldn’t resist it, really. Perhaps he wanted to see him getting flustered all over again, so he decided to take his chances as he slowly typed back his reply.

@halfawake:

Right now, it’s ✨purple✨ 😌

Akk’s eyes again were again glued on the username and he snorted. 

“Right now?” asked Akk. 

Ayan grinned. 

Yes, right now it was purple. The colour of the sweater that he was wearing.

Akk, though, didn’t understand as he blinked at the screen and he tipped his head to the side.

“Why right now?”

Akk could see the chat spiralling out of control again.

@curious_kitty3:

Bestie, you can’t just ask that! 😭

@bookish.vibes99:

Playing along? WHAT IS HAPPENING?! 👀

Yeah, what was happening?! Akk didn’t get it as he leaned closer to the screen, minding that his face wasn’t seen. 

Ayan softly chuckled as he just couldn’t help it. This person was too cute, it was too tempting. He could tell that the other one truly didn’t get it, which truly made it even more tempting for Ayan to carry on his… flirting? He didn’t even know anymore. 

@halfawake:

Because of the sweater, duh. It’s cute 💜

“Ah, the sweater?” asked Akk and glanced down at the sweater. “Yeah, I like it too. It's a bit different from what I usually wear, but it’s nice.”

It was just a sweater. Soft and oversized, like the rest of the others that he owned.

Ayan snickered. 

Utterly oblivious, wasn’t he?

@little_princess_of_the_sky:

Sir, please, they are flirting with you!

@littlestar:

I guess this is what it feels like to be the third wheel, huh?! 😭

Akk kept reading the comments, his eyes travelling across the screen with the speed of light and he was trying to find a way to recover.

Flirting?

Yeah, right!

“Please, stop, ” said Akk in a whiny, soft tone of voice, clearly shy and embarrassed. 

Ayan was fucking gone. 

Ayan had to stop, but he was unstoppable as he was again typing a comment.

@halfawake:

Makes you look so soft and cuddable. 

Akk made a little strangled noise again as he didn’t know how to respond to this. He was just… How was he supposed to function after this, huh?! 

Akk had never been flirted with, so he just sat there and covered his face with his palms, stuffing his face into the oversized sleeves of the sweater.

Even if Ayan couldn’t see his face – he didn’t have to.

Too cute.

Even if he couldn’t see Moonlight Whispers technically covering his face, Ayan’s heart couldn’t handle this anymore. Ayan was grinning like an idiot at the screen, shaking his head.

This was the best day ever – Ayan forgot all about the heavy thoughts that were weighing him down that day. At least for the duration of the live stream. It was only a pity that he didn’t record the live stream, or at least, Moonlight Whispers responding to his questions. 

Akk wasn’t in a good mood. At all. Which was funny considering how much fun he had after last night’s live stream.

The reason being? Ayan, of course. Lately, he was the main source behind his bad mood and he was tired of it. Akk was tired of dealing with him, but no matter how much he tried to avoid or ignore him, something always brought them together and he was tired of it. The latest of the things being having to work on a project together. 

Teacher Waree was forcing him to work with Ayan!

At first Akk was looking forward to when she announced that they would be working in small groups for their latest assignment – Akk thought he would be with Wat and Khan, like he usually was. But, since they were forced to work only in pairs, the three of them couldn’t be together. 

Besides, it was teacher Waree who decided who was going to work with who and apparently, Akk just had to be picked to work with Ayan. Akk tried reasoning with her after the class was over, but teacher Waree told him that she put a lot of trust into him – that she wanted him to make sure Ayan was going to behave and actually get some work done. 

But, why did it have to be him?

Well, he was the president of the prefect club, he was the head prefect so he needed to be always setting the example for others and no matter how much he didn’t want to work with Ayan, he knew that he was going to have to grit his teeth and make this work.

Akk was standing outside with Wat and Khan, waiting for Ayan to show up – he was going to drag him to the library so that they could already start working on the assignment. The deadline wasn’t for two whole weeks, but he wanted to get it done as soon as it was physically possible. 

“Akk, are you listening to me?” asked Wat and Akk finally snapped out of it.

“Hah?!”

“You weren’t listening to me either?!” asked Wat and shook his head in disappointment. “Both of you are terrible friends, I hope you know that,” said Wat and Khan rolled his eyes.

“Can’t you tell Akk has a lot on his mind? He has to work with Ayan of all people,” said Khan, while his eyes wandered somewhere to… “And I’m with Thua, which is also-” he started, but his voice trailed off.

“My favourite director is having a premier of his movie tomorrow,” said Wat as he didn’t understand why both of them were brooding like this. It was just a project, nothing they haven’t done before. “Won’t you go with me?”

Akk and Khan glanced at each other.

“No,” they said in unison.

“Why?”

“I’ll pass. You know how I feel about your favourite indie movies – they always put me to sleep,” said Akk with a little smirk and Wat frowned as he glanced towards Khan. 

“Yeah, we don’t get them. We aren’t as sophisticated as you, Wat,” said Khan with a grin and Wat sighed.

“So, you’ll make me go watch it alone,” said Wat.

“I’m afraid so,” said Akk and both he and Khan received playful slaps against their shoulders.

“Both of you are terrible friends!” he whined, but didn’t really mean it. The three of them were friends for long enough to bicker like this but never really have any real falling out. For now. 

Akk smiled and laughed softly as that cheered him up enough for now. Akk was pretty tired, if he was being honest. He was having so much fun last night that he ended the live stream around one in the morning and it took him a while to fall asleep after the excitement that followed afterwards.

All worth it. 

Akk’s good mood didn’t last for long, really. His smile was gone as soon as he saw Ayan and Thua walking out from the school and Akk quickly walked over to the two of them after telling his friends that he needed to go . The plan was to drag Ayan to the library and do as much work as it was possible for one day. 

Ayan tensed when he saw Akk coming closer and he glanced at Thua.

“What now?” whined Ayan.

“I bet it has something to do with the assignment,” said Thua.

“Of course it does,” said Ayan and ran fingers through his hair, biting back a groan when Akk was near him and Thua quickly said his goodbyes to his friend as he saw Khan staring from the distance, so he decided to walk over to him and ask him about the project.

It was always just school and studying when it came to prefects, huh? 

Ayan wasn’t impressed as he watched Thua walk to Khan, but he still put on that cocky expression when Akk stepped closer. As always, Akk was wearing that cold expression – it was difficult to read him. Working on the assignment was going to be hell and he knew it.

“Let’s get going,” barked Akk and Ayan narrowed his eyes.

“I beg you a pardon?”

“The library,” said Akk. 

Ayan rolled his eyes.

“Why?”

“To start working on the assignment teacher Waree gave us,” said Akk and then he cleared his throat, narrowing his eyes when Ayan stepped closer to him, staring up at him. Akk’s eyes travelled lower and he took a step back. What, now?! 

“That isn’t due for two weeks,” argued Ayan.

“So?” asked Akk. “The faster we begin, the sooner we can stop working together.”

“Or we could do something more interesting,” said Ayan with a sly little smirk and Akk took a sharp breath in as he really didn’t know where Ayan was aiming with that. 

This was why Akk didn’t like him – Ayan was always messing with his head. Always saying stupid shit that made Akk act out. When he was around Ayan, he didn’t trust himself and he held in his breath, but he still rolled his eyes and took another step back, which only made Ayan more intrigued and he leaned closer, puckering up.

“Yeah, like what?” asked Akk.

“I’m sure you can think of a thing or two, prefect,” said Ayan.

Akk cleared his throat as he finally allowed himself to breathe, his eyes hesitating to leave Ayan’s lips for a split second, but then he only pushed him back.

“Back off, Tiny,” said Akk and Ayan pressed his lips together when he heard that nickname, apparently? Tiny.

“Tiny?!” asked Ayan and he sounded annoyed – it was a jab at his height and he didn’t like it. But, Akk was amused, almost. His lips twitched, almost forming a little grin. 

“Let’s get going,” said Akk.

“At least can we go to my place?” asked Ayan and Akk glanced at him.

“Absolutely not,” said Akk.

“Why not?” asked Ayan. “It can be just us, completely alone and-”

“I actually want to get shit done today, thank you,” said Akk and started walking, but Ayan wasn’t following.

“You’re no fun,” argued Ayan.

Akk pressed his lips together, grabbed Ayan’s wrist and dragged him towards the library because this was the only way that he was getting Ayan to follow him, wasn’t it? As Akk turned around he didn’t see a little grin of victory spreading on Ayan’s lips as he followed in silence, his eyes on Akk’s fingers wrapped around his wrist.

Interesting. 

Ayan was spacing out, feeling like he was drowning. Akk was talking to him, but the sound of his voice was muffled as he just couldn’t focus on the task at hand. He was supposed to be working on this new assignment, but he was just sitting and staring at the book. 

Ayan was tired. Too tired to read the book or care  about anything, really.

And it wasn’t him staying up last night to watch that live stream. Not in the least. There was a little smile slowly spreading on his lips when he thought about the live stream, dragging his teeth over his lower lip.

Ayan hoped this wasn’t going to be the only live stream Moonlight Whispers was going to do. 

Ayan was daydreaming about last night and Akk frowned when he saw that he was the only one getting shit done. Ayan was sitting there, a creepy grin on his face and Akk shuddered – what the fuck?! Akk was annoyed, so he grabbed the book Ayan was supposed to be reading and slammed it against the desk.

That got Ayan to snap out of it.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Read. The. Book,” sighed Akk. “I’m not getting a bad grade because of you.”

Ayan opened the book, looking annoyed as hell.

“We should  at least pretend to get along,” said Ayan. “Since we’ll be spending a lot of time together from now on,” he said and Akk rolled his eyes.

“Whatever.”

“God, you’re so uptight,” whined Ayan. “Live a little.”

“And you’re not wearing the school uniform,” said Akk fast. Too fast. And way too defensive.

“How is this connected to any-”

“Why?” asked Akk, demanding to get an answer. “The rules say-”

“It’s ugly,” said Ayan and Akk almost broke the pencil he was holding in half because Ayan was too disrespective towards the school and their policies.

“You are so-”

“It’s interesting, though,” said Ayan and smirked as he leaned closer to Akk, who shifted in his chair and leaned back. What, what now? Why was he always getting so close to him? What about the personal space? Ayan was insufferable!

“W-what?” asked Akk. 

“You keep bringing it up. The uniform,” said Ayan and snickered when he saw the look in Akk’s eyes. He looked… “You’d love to see me in the school uniform, huh?” he asked and Akk almost choked. “I bet you secretly fantasise about me wearing the uniform.”

Akk wanted to slap Ayan. 

“How delusional can you be?” asked Akk, but his voice was weak. 

Ayan laughed.

“It’s okay, you can admit,” said Ayan, but Akk had enough.

Akk knew he shouldn’t, but he was so done. In the heap of the moment, he grabbed Ayan’s bag and opened it. Ayan was going to need something to write important things down, no? Ayan was about to grab his bag away from Akk as the other one was trying to find a notebook, but the thing that he grabbed and pulled out was his uncle’s diary.

That diary… he took it everywhere with him. It was his safe space, together with the necklace. It made it feel like his uncle Dika was still with him. Ayan stiffened and Akk narrowed when he saw the worn out cover of what looked like a notebook. 

Akk blinked at it and he could tell that Ayan’s mood suddenly changed. His usual playful smirk was gone, replaced by an expression he had never seen Ayan make before. It was a mixture of annoyance, anger and sadness. It was difficult for Akk to pinpoint…

Ayan quickly snatched the diary away from Akk.

“Don’t touch that,” said Ayan, his voice sharp.

“I was just trying to find a notebook for you to write in. You’ve been slacking off,” said Akk and he glanced towards the notebook in Ayan’s hand, onto which he was gripping on with sheer force to the point his knuckles were turning white.

It was clearly important to Ayan.

Why? What made such an old notebook important?

“You’re not allowed to touch this, no one is,” said Ayan as he  was taking fast and shallow breaths, trying to calm himself down.

Akk didn’t know.

Still, Akk crossed a line that he shouldn’t have. Ayan carefully studied the diary and then he placed it back into his bag, zipping it up and pulling it away from Akk. As if he was trying to hide it from his curious eyes.

Akk’s stomach twisted. Ayan looked tired all of the sudden. His eyes were empty. He was no longer playing around, he just sat there in silence, gripping onto his necklace, which also made Akk wonder – what was wrong? Akk knew he overstepped a line he shouldn’t have and he wanted to… apologise.

To Ayan?!

That…

Ayan could tell that Akk was startled by his reaction, but it was a given. What was Akk thinking when he was just going through his stuff like this?!

After a few moments of hesitation, Akk finally spoke up.

“... sorry,” said Akk. “I shouldn’t have-”

“You’re right, you shouldn’t have,” snapped Ayan back. Did he overreact? Maybe. “It’s fine,” he then said and Akk held in his breath. “It’s just… It’s important to me, okay? It belongs to someone important, that’s all,” said Ayan. 

Someone that’s no longer here.

There it was again, the prickling heat in his eyes.

Akk didn’t know what to do, he had never seen Ayan like this. Serious, stripped off the mask he was wearing. Raw. 

“I’m sorry,” repeated Akk again.

“It’s fine,” said Ayan as he was now blinking faster and he  glanced up as he opened the book. “Let’s get to work,” said Ayan and turned his head to the side as a tear rolled down his cheek. 

Akk pretended not to see Ayan wiping the tears away.

Akk pretended not to see the way Ayan almost broke down. 

Akk pretended not to see the way Ayan’s fingers coiled around the pendant again.

And Ayan was glad Akk pretended not to see, keeping his eyes steady on the book and he took a deep breath in.

And yet… Akk couldn’t pretend the way his own heart sank. That look in Ayan’s eyes was… Akk knew he messed up.

Akk reached into the pocket of his uniform and pulled out a clean tissue, pushing it towards Ayan, who was caught off guard, glancing over to Akk, who was now reading the book in silence. Ayan’s throat tightened as he took the tissue and he swallowed thickly, Akk still not showing any reaction. 

“Thank you,” said Ayan and Akk eyed him.

“Mn. Now get to reading,” said Akk.

Even if Akk was talking about the book, his voice was softer and it eased Ayan’s mind. That was why Ayan decided to start reading the book as well.

Finally. 

Chapter Text

Akk didn’t really know what he was doing if he was being completely honest, but he sat in his room as he was wondering what to post on his Instagram profile. 

Just a day ago, Akk created a new profile. He already had one, but that was his personal one that he had set on the private feature. He didn’t really post on there much and he only had his closest friends following him there. He barely had 50 followers there and he posted once in a few months. When he felt like it.

The account that he created the day before was connected to his Youtube channel. Akk wanted to connect with his followers more. The community posts on Youtube could do only so much, but he wanted to share about the behind the scenes when he was filming. Perhaps he could ask his followers there what kind of videos they wanted to see in the future.

Akk wasn’t very good when it came to promoting his own videos because that wasn’t what he wanted to do. He was filming these videos because they were his own personal safe space and he was beyond happy that he got to share that with others out there.

Akk was happy that he was able to help other people out.

It was crazy how many people he managed to reach from inside of his little dorm room. Akk never asked for followers or subscribers, he was never fishing for compliments or comments in his videos. Not that there was anything wrong with that, of course not.

But, Akk just didn’t feel like he needed to do that. 

Akk didn’t want people to feel pressured into commenting or following his videos. If they watched only one of his videos and then moved on, then so be it. Akk was happy even if they stayed for one video. Even if that one video was able to help someone, then this was more than he could ever ask for. 

This was why Akk was very skeptical if creating an Instagram profile was even a good idea because – was there anyone that was going to be interested in watching his behind the scenes? Other creators posted many interesting things on their other social media, but Akk wasn’t really interesting, was he?

At least he didn’t think so.

People did mention a few times, asking him if he had any other social media, telling him that they would be interested in knowing more either about him or his video making process, so Akk decided to make the profile last night. 

Akk made a little community post on Youtube, linking his new Instagram profile in it and somehow, he already had almost 1,000 followers. That number truly made his stomach flip with excitement.

Akk was sitting in front of his computer, just in the middle of editing his video that he was supposed to be posting in a couple of days, humming along as he glanced at the screen, slowly leaning back. He was sipping on his usual ice tea, staring at his computer set up and he curiously opened his camera app and snapped a quick little photo of his computer screen.

Akk shook his head and decided to take another photo. 

Akk wanted to give a little sneak peek to his viewers, so he scrolled through the video and stopped on a frame that looked interesting enough – on the screen he could see himself wearing his usual oversized sweater. IIt was a white, fluffy sweater and he was holding a small notepad in his hands. His fingers were curled around the edges. 

Since people seemed to enjoy the fairy lights in the live stream, those made an appearance in this video as well. The lighting in the video cast a  warm glow over the scene, making it feel calm, intimate and safe. The video itself was pretty simple, nothing too out of the ordinary for Akk’s channel. In the notepad that he was holding on the screen, he was writing down positive affirmations, the gentle sound of this pencil scribbling against the paper was soft and rhythmic. It reminded Akk of whispers, almost. 

Akk liked writing sounds. He made sure that the settings of his microphone were set correctly, capturing those delicate and crisp sounds perfectly. Those calmed Akk down and he chewed on his lower lip, shaking his head because he knew that he needed to make an Instagram post, not to be thinking this much about his new video and he sighed under his breath. 

Akk leaned back a little bit, placing his right hand onto the computer mouse, making it seem like he was right in the middle of editing. Akk cringed at his own attempts to make himself relatable. Akk stopped overthinking and he just decided to go for it, snapping a quick photo again and quickly grabbed the phone with both of his hands. 

Akk opened the Instagram app and then he decided to finally make that new post. He put a filter over the photo and then he wrote the caption before finally hitting the post button. 

Moonlight_for_you:   work in progress… hope this one turns out okay 🌙✨

Short and simple. 

Post.

Akk placed his phone down and he rubbed his palms together.

It really didn’t take too long for the notifications to start going off on Akk’s phone and he smiled softly when he saw the amount of likes and comments that he was getting under his latest post. There were also a few direct messages that he had received from people and he cleared his throat, feeling excited because reading the responses truly was…

@sleepy_head: OMG, THANK YOU SO MUCH! I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU’RE ON INSTA NOW! I’VE NEVER FOLLOWED ANYONE THIS FAST BEFORE! THANK YOU FOR BLESSING US! YOU’RE TRULY A GIFT THAT JUST KEEPS ON GIVING, HUH? 😭😭😭😭😭

@asmrlover_22: Oh, this is amazing! I’ve always been interested in seeing the behind the scenes! 🥹 Thank you so much!

@purple_butterfly_44: Editing magic in process, huh? ✨😌

@cat_luver3: Super excited for the new video! Looks relaxing already. Can’t wait~

Akk kept smiling as he was scrolling, wondering… Were they going to follow his Instagram as well? 

Akk felt his cheeks heating up when he found himself thinking of his favourite viewer. Still, he shook his head and he cleared his throat because he shouldn’t be making this kind of a difference between his viewers, right? All of them were equally important to Akk. 

It wasn’t that.

It was just… Akk couldn’t get it out of his head since the last live stream. 

Akk kept scrolling, but he couldn’t find the same username. Perhaps they had a different handle on this app, right? It would be silly for them to have…

… there they were! 

Akk grinned all the way up to his ears when he finally managed to find the same username among the comments as he kept scrolling for quite a little while as new comments kept rolling in and he blinked a few times, chewing on his lower lip as he read the comment.

  @halfawake: Oh, I’m already invested. Will this put us to sleep in 5 minutes or will we be crying again? 

Akk snickered and liked the comment right away.

Then, he replied.

Moonlight_for_you:   @halfawake Patience, and you’ll find out ✨

The person replied within seconds.

@halfawake: I need to know more 😭

Akk’s lips twitched and they formed a little smirk as he replied. 

Moonlight_for_you:   @halfawake Spoilers 🤫

@halfawake: You can give me the spoilers, I’m good at keeping secrets ✨😌

Moonlight_for_you:   @halfawake Oh, I’m not quite so sure 😼

@halfawake: You… Stop being so adorable, okay?! 

Akk’s cheeks turned red and he took a sharp breath in. There it was again – him being described as cute. Akk would usually hate it, but he felt oddly giddy and he knew it was going to come to bite him in the ass, but he was too caught up in the moment. 

Moonlight_for_you:   @halfawake 😋

Akk didn’t even know – was this flirting back? No, no… He had literally no idea, but he smiled when another reply came.

@halfawake: Okay, keep your secrets then. But I do know that I will end up loving the video no matter what. I’m so excited. ✨

Akk was tempted to keep replying, but he forced himself to stop as he realised that he was paying too much attention to this person instead of the others as well. That was why Akk, with a heavy heart, decided to stop replying to @halfawake and interacted with the others as well.

Still, curiosity got the best of him and he decided to tap onto the profile of @halfawake after he was done with replying to most of the comments. He wanted to see what kind of posts there were on his profile.

Akk narrowed his eyes as the page loaded and the first thing that he checked was the bio – in there, there wasn’t much. Only pronouns and his age. 

He/him.

So, it was a guy. 

That was the same age as him – what were the chances?!

The flush upon Akk’s cheeks deepened even more because he was flirting with him during the livestream that day, wasn’t he? Akk choked on his breath and he gripped onto the sides of his phone tighter, pressing his lips together and he couldn’t stop fighting the smile from getting even wider.

This kind of a feeling was definitely new to Akk. It was a completely new experience for Akk, something that he was still trying to figure out. The thing was – it wasn’t easy to figure out his own sexuality given the environment that he was in. The environment, the school – he couldn’t be himself around there. He always had to pretend, always needed to use a mask to hide his own feelings, his own needs, but…

It’s been on Akk’s mind for a long time now. 

Akk was attracted to guys, he could still remember the whole freak out he had last school year when he found himself crushing on the head prefect at the time - Mes. Akk tried to convince himself for the longest of times that all that there was to it was him idolising an upperclassman. That was all.

Until it wasn’t. 

Akk’s mind went to very dark places, but slowly he started to accept it. He would admit it to himself, but never out loud. 

But, this was online, this wasn't real life. Here he could be himself. Here, he was allowed to like whoever he wanted and he felt giddy inside when he felt the realisation truly sinking in.

A guy flirted with him, that never happened before. 

Well, there was Ayan, but he was only saying all of those ridiculous things because he was trying to mess with him. Ayan was an idiot. Ayan only liked messing around with him for the fun of it, he never took things seriously, which made the whole working together on the assignment a living hell and it hasn’t even been a week. 

They managed to get practically no work done. 

Why? Because Ayan kept slacking off. 

Akk gritted his teeth when he found himself thinking about Ayan and he tapped his cheeks because there was something more interesting in front of him. He forced himself to snap out of it and he decided to pay attention to this person’s profile more as he unlocked the screen of his phone again and scrolled down. 

Akk was… intrigued.

The posts mostly consisted of nighttime shots. Akk could see blurry photos of city lights, the moon, coffee shops and close-ups of some books. There was occasionally a hand in the pictures, but nothing more than that. Akk couldn’t find a single photo of this person’s face, which was kind of a let down.

Then again, Akk was doing the same – staying anonymous. 

It was better that way.

Occasionally, he would post random captions, words written on a black background and he blinked a few times as he read through the words that were written.

‘Nights feel louder than I remember.’

‘Some people leave, some people stay – I don’t know which is worse.’

‘Time doesn’t heal, time makes it worse.’

‘Everything eventually disappears into nothingness.’

Akk also found screenshots of the songs that this person was listening to. Melancholic, sad tracks. Usually by indie artists, most of them that were unknown to Akk at least.

Akk’s eyes were travelling across the screen of his phone and he didn’t even know that he was holding back his breath all this time, but seeing those posts just made him feel out of breath. Akk wasn’t really sure how to call those feelings, but he never got around to making up his mind because his phone suddenly started ringing.

Akk let out a little startled gasp as he snapped out of stalking one of his viewers, his cheeks immediately turning pink and he felt the tips of his ears heating up as well. That was what he was doing, right? 

Stalking… 

Akk cleared his throat and quickly answered – it was Khan calling him!

Akk was already in the library waiting for Ayan. As expected, the other one was running late, feeling annoyed kicking in because this was just great. Honestly, it would be better if Akk just finished the whole thing on his own and allowed Ayan to just sign his name on the assignment. 

Akk wouldn’t mind it.

No.

Akk would prefer it. 

But, no. Ayan insisted on the two of them meeting at the library – again – but Akk knew that Ayan was just going to do the exact same thing that he has been doing for the last few days; he kept running his mouth, but he didn’t get anything done. He said that they had still more than enough time, but Akk just wanted to get Ayan off his back. 

Akk had learned one thing though and that was to respect Ayan’s boundaries. The incident that happened in the library that day still haunted Akk’s mind and he didn’t like it. Even if he apologised, he still felt like shit. He didn’t have to like Ayan to know that he messed up. 

That was why Akk was trying to be more patient with Ayan because there was definitely more to Ayan than it met the eye at a first glance, but Ayan was making this very difficult on him. Ayan always knew how to press Akk’s buttons to see him snap and something told him that Ayan was maybe into it – he was enjoying it. 

What kind of a twisted mind did he have?!

Akk was bored out of his mind, so he decided to step over to one of the bookcases. He wasn’t really looking for any book in particular. It was just something to pass the time, something else to focus on except for how annoyed he was with Ayan. Akk’s eyes were skimming over the titles as he slowly walked around the bookcase.

The library was pretty much empty, but Akk liked it that way.

There was a title of the book that caught his attention, so he decided to read the summary of the book at the back, turning the book in his hands, slowly reading when he heard the footsteps and he narrowed his eyes, slowly looking up as he could hear two voices.

Ayan and Thua just walked into the library.

The two of them were talking about something and it looked important – what could be more important than their assignment?! Akk decided to find out and he slowly hid behind the bookcase, peeking through the small gap between the shelves. It was freaking childfish, wasn’t it? But, he didn’t care – he needed to find out what they were talking about.

Akk was going to use it against Ayan later. 

Ayan and Thua walked closer to Akk, who held in his breath and slowly placed the book back onto the case and he tried to listen to as much as he could. The two of them were whispering, but since it was quiet, he could hear pretty much everything. 

“I don’t know,” said Thua, his shoulder slumped. “This assignment is killing me.”

Ayan sighed and glanced at Thua, wrapping an arm around his shoulder as he tried to cheer his friend up, who was so nice to walk him to the library and then he was meeting with Khan. Truly, this assignment was becoming too much of a hassle than what it was worth.

As much as Ayan had fun messing around with Akk, he was just tired.

Of it all.

“I get the feeling,” said Ayan. “At least Khan is not trying to kill you whenever he looks at you! Akk hates my guts,” whined Ayan.

“Perhaps it would be better if Khan hated me as well,” said Thua and Ayan shook his head.

“Trust me – that’s never a good idea,” said Ayan.

“Honestly? I don’t know which one would be worse,” said Thua as the two of them walked along, Ayan’s eyes travelling around the library and he narrowed his eyes. Was he finally there earlier than Akk?! Finally, he wasn’t going to give him crap about it. 

Ayan knew that he was running late, but Thua needed someone to talk to. 

Thua was his old genuine friend there, so of course Ayan took his time to hear him out what was bothering him and honestly, he could relate to a lot of things that his friend was going through right now. Ayan also struggled about the same things a couple of years ago. Back then, if it wasn’t for his uncle’s support, then Ayan really didn’t know how…

Ayan took a deep breath in and he shook his head.

“Khan’s a nice guy, he is gonna figure it out in the end,” said Ayan and Thua narrowed his eyes.

“Figure out what? ” 

Akk swallowed hard as he was still peeking through the shelves, tense. He really shouldn’t be doing this, he shouldn’t be eavesdropping on the two of them, but as soon as he heard his friend’s name being mentioned, he needed to know what these two were planning. Akk had nothing against Thua, he liked the guy, but it was Ayan that he was worried about.

Ayan was a bad influence. 

To the whole damn school!

Just as Ayan was about to say what was on his mind, he heard something. Thua heard it as well as they turned their heads almost at the same time and Ayan narrowed his eyes because now that he took a closer look, he could see someone standing behind the bookcase. He could see them staring, peeking through the shelves and he gritted his teeth.

Seriously? 

Was no one normal at this school?

Ayan didn’t know who it was, but it was clear as day to him what was happening – someone was spying on the two of them?! How much did they hear? Ayan wasn’t going to take his chances and he quickly decided to deal with whoever it was. 

Akk’s eyes widened when he saw Ayan marching towards him and he panicked. He did the first thing that crossed his mind, which was to take one of the books and pretend to be reading it. If he tried to get away now, the whole thing would be even more suspicious, so he tried to at least pretend to be casually browning through the book, his fingers gripping into the sides of the book.

Akk’s heart was hammering against his ribcage. 

Ayan gritted his teeth, but then his eyes widened when he saw who was the one hiding behind the shelves. 

Akk.

Ayan blinked a few times and then the annoyance soon turned into amusement when he saw that Akk was trying to pretend like nothing just happened. Akk was pretending to be reading the book in his hands. The thing was – the book was turned upside down, trying to hide Akk’s poor attempts in trying to hide his shitty spying techniques. 

The tips of Akk’s ears were red.

Akk’s eyes were shifting across the pages, but Akk wasn’t really reading. He didn’t even notice that he was turning the book upside down.

Embarrassing. 

“Oh,” said Ayan and leaned against the bookcase. “Hello there, prefect,” practically purred Ayan and Akk gave him an annoyed look.

“Finally,” said Akk, trying not to stumble over his words. “You’re late!”

“Uh-huh,” said Ayan and then he crossed his arms over his chest and puckered up, Akk narrowing his eyes. “Let’s not pretend that I didn’t just catch you spying on me,” said Ayan and glanced at Thua, who was now standing not too far away from the two of them, keeping himself out of the conversation. He had other things to worry about at the time being. 

Akk felt stiff and he swallowed thickly. 

“What?” asked Akk and rolled his eyes. “Don’t flatter yourself, idiot. I was just trying to find a good book-”

“A book, huh?” asked Ayan.

“Duh.”

“And you found something interesting?”

“Yes, this one right here,” said Akk, insisting that the book that he was holding in his hands was interesting. He didn’t even know what it was about. 

“I didn’t know you were into finances. Planning on making some investments?” said Ayan as he read the title of the book. Advanced Financial Strategies and Investment Planning. 

“Huh?” asked Akk, completely caught off guard.

“That's the title of the book, Akk,” said Ayan and Akk quickly glanced down, feeling his face heating up even more when he saw that Ayan was right. “Then again, you would’ve probably have a better understanding of the book if you weren’t reading it upside down,” he said and grinned when he saw the way Akk was getting more flustered with each passing second. 

Akk quickly placed the book back onto the shelf. 

“I-”

“Stop lying and just admit that you were stalking me,“ said Ayan and Akk felt annoyance kicking in. 

“What?! No! I wasn’t!” said Akk.

“Right, because you were just reading a book,” said Ayan.

“Right,” said Akk.

“About investing.”

“It’s good to have a plan. We’re graduating this year, so it’s important to…” he tried to explain himself, but his voice trailed off when he heard Ayan snickering. Ayan was being a pain in the ass and he was itching to smack him. 

“Damn, Akk. I had no idea you liked me this much,” said Ayan, his voice dripping with amusement and he loved Akk’s current flustered state. He was thriving off that and he sighed along. 

Akk almost choked on his breath though.

“You’re crazy,” said Akk.

“Just admit it – you’re obsessed with me,” said Ayan.

“Shut up, Tiny,” grumbled Akk.

“See? You already have a special nickname for me, Big Foot,” said Ayan and Akk gritted his teeth. Ayan was annoying, Akk truly, really hated him. “You know? It’s kind of cute when you get all worked up like this.”

“I hate you,” said Akk.

Akk needed to get away. He didn’t need this, quickly turning around and he quickly grabbed his bag and stormed out of the library.

Ayan frowned – did he take it too far? He rubbed his forehead and excused himself to Thua, who was already running late for his study session with Khan, quickly chasing after Akk. Ayan wasn’t planning on letting Akk go too far.

Akk truly didn’t know how he found himself in this predicament. Why did he find it so difficult to say no to Ayan?! Well, he did say no, but Ayan kept… Teasing, annoying him, so much so that Akk found himself agreeing to Ayan’s suggestion – he agreed for them to work on their assignment at Ayan’s place. 

Yes, Akk was at Ayan’s place. 

Ayan caught up to him in front of the library and he kept whining about doing the assignment at his place and of course Akk shut him down, turned him down right away, but Ayan just kept on pushing, calling Akk a coward.

Ayan said Akk was scared of him.

What was there to be scared of?

Ayan didn’t scare him!

So, to prove that to him, Akk decided to stubbornly agree to go to Ayan’s place. Back then he didn’t see that Ayan was using reverse psychology on him. He just hated being looked down upon by Ayan of all people, but now looking back at it, he could tell that Ayan was just saying those things to get him to go with him.

Besides, why did it matter what Ayan thought of him?!

Apparently, it did. If it didn’t, Akk wouldn’t have agreed to go with Ayan! And if all of that wasn’t bad enough, the two of them still weren’t working on their project because, apparently, Ayan just needed to take a shower before getting to that. It was all to just stall the whole thing, but since Akk was already there – what was he supposed to do?

Akk decided to wait in Ayan’s room, feeling awkward and annoyed as hell.

Ayan’s room was pretty large, the warm colours of it making the whole place feel quite cosy. All of the things were neatly folded, placed on the shelves or on the desk. Akk really didn’t know what to expect before he stepped into Ayan’s room, but it wasn’t this. 

When was Ayan going to be done with his freaking shower? 

Akk didn’t know what to do while he waited for Ayan to be back. There was a chair at the desk, but Ayan placed his old clothes on it and he wasn’t going to touch those. Sitting on Ayan’s bed was out of the question, so he decided to settle for the floor. Akk decided to sit on the floor, leaning against the bed, scrolling through his phone as he waited for Ayan to be done.

The water was still running, so Ayan was still taking a shower.

Akk rolled his eyes and gripped onto his phone tighter. 

Akk didn’t know how long he spent sitting there, but scrolling through his phone and listening to the running water from the next room was starting to make his head feel fuzzy. In a good way. He felt his eyelids getting heavy, his head occasionally bobbing forward and suddenly, he felt very tired. 

Akk yawned and tried to snap out of it, but before he knew it, his eyes closed, his head tipping to the side and the phone slipped out of his hands.

Ayan narrowed his eyes when he stepped out of the bathroom, his hair still damp, the towel around his shoulders. He was wearing his favourite T-shirt and shorts, feeling refreshed, but surprised to find Akk sitting on the floor. Ayan was about to ask him what the hell was he doing, but then he noticed that Akk’s eyes were closed, his breathing deep and slow, little snores filling the room.

Ayan smiled.

Akk was asleep? 

Curious and amused, Ayan slowly walked over to him, picking up Akk’s phone and he placed it up on his bed. 

Ayan dragged his teeth over his lower lip as he slowly knelt down next to Akk, taking a closer look at his face and he blinked a few times as he found himself staring. Now, he always found Akk to be quite easy on the eyes, but this was different. Akk’s face was free from the usual frown, his facial expressions were soft, making him look kind of cute.

Yes, cute. 

Akk was soundly asleep, looking almost defenseless. Ayan brought his phone over to snap a few photos of Akk, but then he decided against it. 

Ayan pouted – Akk had to be tired, huh? Well, being the president of the prefect club, it didn’t really come as a surprise. But, the floor couldn’t really be that comfortable. 

Akk took off the jacket before – he was wearing only a button up shirt with short sleeves. Even if it was warm inside, Akk had goosebumps. 

Cold? 

Ayan slowly stood up and walked over to the desk, picking up his hoodie as he slowly walked back and carefully sat back down. He didn’t want to wake Akk up as he carefully draped his own hoodie around Akk’s shoulders and he chuckled when Akk moved his lips in his sleep.

Akk said something, but Ayan couldn’t make out what it was.

“Who knew you could be so cute, Big Foot?” whispered Ayan.

Akk's head bobbed to the side and he almost woke up, but Ayan suddenly found a new mission – to prevent Akk from waking up. He looked like he needed sleep, so he carefully sat down next to Akk. Ayan wanted to adjust Akk’s head, but the latter leaned against him and Ayan’s eyes widened.

Akk was seeking comfort and warmth. 

Ayan’s breath shook when Akk’s head plopped down onto his shoulder and he knew… He knew that if Akk woke up now that he was going to punch him. Probably. Akk was unpredictable, but Ayan decided not to move and he smiled, only fixing the hoodie and he chewed on his lower lip.

Akk’s adorable little snores filled his ears.

Ayan slowly picked up his phone, which was lying on the phone and decided to order some take out. Akk was probably going to wake up soon and it was late – they needed something to eat, so he decided to order them some food. He didn’t know what Akk liked, so he decided to order some generic food – Akk was bound to like it. 

After ten more minutes or so, Akk moved his head and slowly opened his eyes. 

Akk found himself dazed as he didn’t know what was happening, but he felt comfortable. There was warmth hugging his body, feeling nice and cosy. He yawned and snuggled into the warmth. He would fall back asleep if he didn’t hear a deep chuckle from somewhere above. 

Cute. 

Akk cuddled closer to him. Ayan knew Akk wasn’t aware of his surroundings, but still… Cute.

“Did you have a nice nap?” asked Ayan and that worked like a cold shower.

Akk’s eyes snapped open. Dread crept as he found himself staring up into Ayan’s face.

Too damn close.

Ayan was too close. 

What… the hell?!

Akk quickly pulled back and found himself wrapped into Ayan’s hoodie, looking around, still feeling dazed. He glared at Ayan, who sighed, feeling disappointed. 

They were going back to Akk barking at him. 

“What are you doing?!” snapped Akk, his voice slightly raspy.

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit!”

“You fell asleep while I was taking a shower. I decided to let you take a little nap. It looked like you needed sleep,” said Ayan, but Akk wasn’t convinced.

“Yeah? And this?” asked Akk, pointing to the two of them – the cuddle? “What were you doing?” 

Hurt flashed in Ayan’s eyes because the thing that Akk was insinuating was horrible.  Ayan felt his stomach sink because… 

“I would never,” said Ayan. “I would never take advantage like this,” he said and Akk felt like he was just punched into the face. Perhaps he deserved to be as he also didn’t like the words that came out of his mouth. Akk didn’t mean it like that, he was just surprised, it wasn’t… “I know you don’t like me, but-”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” said Akk. “I’m sorry. I know you wouldn’t-”

Ayan took a deep breath in.

Akk meant the apology – Ayan could tell. He could tell when Akk was lying and when he was being honest. Just like the other time he overstepped the boundaries, he also meant the apology.

Akk’s heart sank and it kept sinking.

Oh, he was aware of the impact his words had.

“Ayan, I’m sorry,” muttered Akk. The guilt was clear in his eyes and Ayan slowly nodded.

“I know,” whined Ayan.

“I-”

“You just got startled, I get it,” said Ayan. Akk was many things, but he wasn’t cruel like this. Ayan knew. He didn’t know what made him think like this, but he just knew that there was more to Akk than just his cold exterior. For once, he knew how to take accountability when he messed up and he apologised. “Still, think before you speak next time,” said Ayan and Akk nodded.

“Mn,” said Akk as silence fell between the two of them.

Akk should really get going, huh?

Then, the doorbell went off and Ayan smiled.

“The food must be here,” said Ayan and Akk blinked at him.

“What… food?”

“While you were napping, I decided to order us some food,” said Ayan and Akk tensed up.

“No, thank you, I will be on my way and-” he started, but then his body betrayed him and his stomach growled as he couldn’t stop thinking about food all of the sudden. Ayan smiled and slowly stood up.

“Your stomach appears to disagree with you,” said Ayan and slowly stood up, offering a hand to Akk, who wanted to shove it away. “What? Afraid of me again?” he started, but it worked almost too perfectly.

Akk stubbornly took his hand and allowed Ayan to pull him to his legs. However, Ayan didn’t let go right away, dragging Akk out of the kitchen, only letting go of his hand there and Akk found himself missing the warmth. He formed loose fists and he shook his head.

Ayan soon returned, paying for the food.

“I ordered plenty, it would be such a shame if you don’t help me finish all of this,” said Ayan with a pout and in the end, Akk folded. Again. 

So, he stayed for dinner, apparently.

Great.

Ayan was happily munching on food, happy that he actually had company for once. Akk, on the other hand, just kept staring at the food. Ayan tipped his head to the side.

“You don’t like that?” asked Ayan. “You can have mine.”

Akk shook his head and quickly picked up his chopsticks.

“No, it’s, uh, fine,” said Akk, feeling awkward.

Ayan sighed happily.

“It feels nice to have company like this,” commented Ayan and Akk glanced towards him.

“You usually… don’t?” asked Akk and Ayan nodded. “Are you staying here alone?”

“It’s me and my mom, but,” said Ayan and shrugged. “She works till late, so I’m usually all alone, yeah.”

“Oh,” was all that Akk said.

Ayan grinned.

“If you feel sorry for me, you can come over more often,” challenged him Ayan and Akk rolled his eyes. He was about to say something back, but then he just snorted and shook his head. 

“Just eat, okay?” asked Akk. 

Akk was in a good mood, surprisingly. Maybe because it’s been a while since he got to share a meal like this with someone. It was strange, but he knew how Ayan felt. To always eat alone, to spend most of the time alone. 

It was the same for Akk.

Just him in his dorm room. His friends visited, but… 

“Okay, sir,” said Ayan.

“Stop it with the weird nicknames… Shortstop,” said Akk and Ayan grinned. 

“You’re the first one who gave me a nickname, you know?” asked Ayan. 

“Whatever,” said Akk with a smile as he slowly ate his food. “I get you, though.”

“Mn?” asked Ayan as he kept his mind busy with stuffing his face with as much food as possible. Akk snorted when Ayan turned to him, his mouth full. Ayan looked like a hamster stuffing his cheeks full of food. 

Akk shook his head.

“I’m alone in my dorm room most of the time,” said Akk and Ayan sighed.

“That’s too bad, huh?” asked Ayan. “Luckily, the solution is quite easy. Tell me in which room you’re staying and I’ll drop over next time-”

“I’m good, thanks,” said Akk and Ayan clicked with his tongue. The atmosphere was pleasant, though. “Just eat your food, stop staring,” said Akk when he saw that Ayan was shamelessly staring at him, rolling his eyes, turning to the side a bit, but then he heard Ayan’s chuckles fill the space around him and he glanced back at him.

The two of them truly weren’t getting work done for their assignment, but this was the first time that Akk didn’t really mind it. This was… nice. He wished he could see more of this side of Ayan because he could actually see them getting along. 

Chapter Text

Akk was scrolling through the comments under his latest post that he made on Instagram – in the latest post he showed off his new microphone that he bought the day before. It cost him quite a lot, but it was going to be worth it. It wasn’t a purchase that Akk decided to make overnight. He spent a few days researching what kind of a microphone would be worth buying within his budget and he was very excited to show it off to the people that watched his videos. 

People were excited, just as Akk was.

This was nice – sharing his passion with other people. Sharing the behind the scenes was fun. Not that he had made many posts so far. It’s only been four days since he made the Instagram profile, but his follower count was slowly climbing up. And if Akk was nervous before about not being able to post anything interesting, all of the self-doubt was finally gone as he saw that people were very into his posts.

Good.

Akk kept liking comments until he finally came across a comment that he was secretly looking forward to. To a comment from no other than @halfawake. He never missed out on liking his posts and posting comments underneath. He was one of the first people to like his posts, it usually took him seconds. The longest that it was was perhaps five minutes.

It made Akk feel giddy inside.

Akk’s cheeks heated up when he re-read his comment and he bit down onto his lower lip.

@halfawake: Oh, an upgrade! ✨ Can’t wait to be falling asleep to your voice at an even higher quality now. Perhaps it will feel as if you’re here with me? 😋 No, but all jokes aside, congratulations for making the upgrade. I can’t wait to hear your new videos with it. I just know they will sound amazing. 💜

Akk cleared his throat – he had yet to reply to his comment. What was he supposed to say? Akk was running out of ideas and that was why he still didn’t reply to the comment, but he was planning to! 

And the thing was – @halfawake was always using purple hearts when he was commenting on his videos and posts. Ever since that live stream, it was just purple hearts, which made him wonder… Was it because of the sweater? 

Probably.

Everyone kept commenting about it – all of them were asking him when he was going to wear it again. The biggest enthusiast behind those comments being no other than @halfawake.

So, it was safe to say that the purple sweater was a huge success, but Akk hasn’t worn it in his videos ever since. Perhaps he was too shy, but remembering the way @halfawake was flirting with him at the time was just… more than Akk’s heart was able to handle. 

Still, he wondered… If he wore that sweater again…

Akk wasn’t really thinking and he tapped onto @halfawake ’s profile by accident. It was by accident, he wasn’t really thinking about what his fingers were doing as he was too busy thinking about the sweater thing, his cheeks burning slightly and his eyes widened a bit as he glanced at the screen and he blinked a few times.

Akk pressed his lips together when he found himself staring at the profile and he was about to click out as he wasn’t supposed to be stalking his profile again, but then he saw that there was a new post on his profile – made just a day ago. Akk hadn’t seen it and he was intrigued.

It was a photo of a guitar.

The guitar was in its case and Akk was curious, tapping on the post, his eyes falling lower to the caption underneath it and he swallowed thickly as he read it.

@halfawake: When words fail, music speaks louder. 

Akk blinked a few times and tipped his head to the side as he had just learned a new thing about @halfawake. Apparently, he played the guitar? 

Akk didn't really know why that detail interested him so much. Perhaps he just liked learning new things about him and he smiled a little bit. Akk liked music, too, just perhaps in a little bit different way. Also, his content was about sound, creating calmness through different kinds of sounds, which could also be created through playing a musical instrument.

Especially the guitar.

Akk’s smile widened a little bit as he kept staring at the guitar, his thumb getting dangerously close to the screen, but he didn’t really notice it as he was too busy daydreaming about what kind of music @halfawake liked playing. 

Akk sighed, his thumb mindlessly tapping on the screen.

Twice. 

Akk nearly dropped his phone when he saw what he had just done! His heart almost stopped, realising that he had just liked the post and he wanted to throw up, panicking – he was completely frozen in place as he kept staring at the screen, looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

Oh, no.

Shit, shit, shit.

How could he be this stupid?! 

Panic surged through him and he swallowed thickly. His throat tightened and for a few seconds, he just sat there like a useless piece of log as he didn’t know what to do with himself, biting back a groan. His breath hitched, his eyes still staring at the like with horror.

“Damn it,” stammered Akk and he finally moved.

Akk’s thumb jabbed against the screen, unliking the post immediately.

But, the damage was done, wasn’t it? 

Akk didn’t know. He had just liked the post for a few seconds, so maybe @halfawake wasn’t going to notice? 

Hell, he always liked his posts right away, he commented right away, of course he was going to notice?! Damn it, Akk, you’re so freaking stupid!

Akk was screaming on the inside, his fingers shaking. His face was literally on fire as he cleared his throat, still gripping onto the phone as he was trying to talk himself into not freaking out as much as he had been freaking out.

Maybe he didn’t see it – he unliked the post right away.

How about the notification – was that going to stay or would it immediately disappear by him unliking the post?

Akk let out a frustrated groan as he set the phone aside and hid his face into his cold hands, shaking his head. He messed up, which he did. But, what was so wrong about liking a random post? 

It wasn’t a random post, though. 

God, why did he have to be such a clumsy mess all the freaking time?!

“How was school today?” asked Ayan’s mother and the latter slowly looked up at his mother and gave her a little nod.

“It was okay,” said Ayan, enjoying the lunch for a change. His mother decided to surprise him by coming home early, which always put Ayan in a good mood – it sure as hell beat the alternative of reheating the food from the day before and eating it alone.

But, today he and his mom cooked a fresh meal. 

It was a lovely change. 

“Just okay? ” asked the woman and Ayan narrowed his eyes as he was happily stuffing his face with food. She sighed and pressed her lips together – this was how it was all with Ayan lately. 

Everything was just ‘’okay’’ or ‘’not bad’’. She could tell that the two of them were perhaps drifting apart? And it was her entire fault for not being there for him more. All that she wanted was to give her son a good life, but that came with a price and she hated it. 

“What do you mean?” asked Ayan.

“I just feel like we don’t talk as much lately,” she said and Ayan slowly took a sharp breath in. “It’s my fault, I know. I’m worried about you,” she said and Ayan slowly dropped his spoon and glanced down at his plate of food, his eyes slightly unfocused because… What else was he supposed to say? He didn’t want to burden his mom. 

“Don’t worry, mom, I’m really okay,” said Ayan.

“Aye,” she said and Ayan stiffened a little bit. “I don’t want us to drift apart. Even if he isn’t here anymore, I still want you to feel comfortable talking to me, okay?” she asked and Ayan caught onto how her voice shook.

Even if he isn’t here anymore… 

Ayan’s hand shook a bit, but he felt his mom’s hand reaching over the table and placing it on top of his own, showing him that she was there for him. She knew how close Ayan was with him , how much he trusted him. Whenever Ayan had a problem, his uncle was the first person that he went to. That didn’t go to say that Ayan didn’t talk to her openly about things either, but it was just different.

To have the person you always went to talk to and trusted the most, just ripped away from you like this was… 

And Ayan was still so young. Dealing with so many things, with such heavy things at such a young age wasn’t easy. It was natural that she was worried. 

“I know, mom,” forced Ayan out. “But, uh, honestly, I’m okay,” said Ayan and slowly shook his head, glancing up at the ceiling as he didn’t like the way his vision was getting blurry. The woman’s heart squeezed, but she decided to let it be.

“And the assignment?” she asked instead, trying to lift up the mood a little bit. “How’s that going? Are you and that boy getting along better now?”

Ayan snorted and grabbed his spoon again. 

“It’s… Well, it’s going, somewhere,” said Ayan. “Akk tolerates me now, so I guess that’s enough of a progress for now,” he said and sighed along. “The actual assignment is boring as hell, but we’ll manage,” he said, rambling about it for a little while when his phone buzzed. 

Ayan didn’t think too much of it.

Perhaps it was Thua texting him.

Ayan really didn’t think too much of it as he unlocked the screen on his phone and glanced at what the notification was. Ayan’s eyes widened and he almost dropped his phone because he couldn’t believe it.

Was he seeing it correctly?

The notification was right there.

Moonlight_for_you liked your post.

Ayan wasn’t seeing things, was he? Ayan blinked again and again.

“No freaking way?” exclaimed Ayan and his heart did a little jump as he was staring at the notification. He quickly tapped onto his own post and then he went among the users that liked his most recent post, tapping on @Moonlight_for_you ’s name, just to make sure that it wasn’t a copycat.

It was a well known fact that @halfawake was a huge fan, so someone could be pranking him!

However, that didn’t appear to be the case as the page that loaded up under the username was no other than the real MoonlightWhispers . 

But… but why would he like his post?

How?

It wasn’t even a new post, Ayan made it a day ago! 

Ayan’s face lit up and his mother was now curious to see what was happening, so she leaned closer.

“Aye, what’s-”

“He liked my post,” said Ayan and she narrowed her eyes.

“Who?”

“Moonlight Whispers!” he said and saw how her eyes widened as well.

Of course Ayan made sure to tell his mom all about who that was – his favourite content creator. She also knew about how the videos that this person made helped him to calm down, so it was great. She was happy that Ayan managed to find an outlet that helped him relax and calm down when he needed it the most. 

Ayan was a huge fan. 

“Really?! Show me, show me,” she said, as equally excited as Ayan now. He mentioned that the person replied to him a couple of times. She leaned closer and smiled because it was nice to see Ayan like this. Actually excited about something. Talking about this person was one of the rare things that actually got him excited ever since…

“I mean you’re seeing this right?” asked Ayan.

“I do, I do,” said the woman and laughed.

“Why would he like my post though, huh?” asked Ayan as he kept scrolling, his eyes now glued to the screen. Ayan was about to take a screenshot, but then something happened.

The notification disappeared, the like count on the post dropped by one. 

What?!

“No, no, no,” whined Ayan and his stomach dropped because he realised what just happened. MoonlightWhisper had just unliked his post and all of the happiness suddenly disappeared, replaced by… Sadness, almost. 

“What’s wrong?”

“He unliked the post,” mumbled Ayan and placed his phone down. He slumped back against the chair, feeling devastated almost. He probably liked the post by accident. Still, why unlike it? “Why?”

“Maybe he liked the post by accident,” said Ayan’s mom. 

“Yeah,” said Ayan and he felt almost deflated. It really shouldn’t bother him like this and he bit into his lower lip, glancing at his mom. Damn it. Ayan wanted to ask MoonlightWhispers about it, but he knew that it would be cringe if he did that. Not to mention that it would be overstepping the boundaries.

Still.

How come that he liked his post?

Again, it was a day old, so it wouldn’t technically be at the top of his feed, right? 

What if he was stalking his page?!

Yeah, right. 

Ayan rolled his eyes because even he knew how ridiculous he was being. Still, his plan of getting his attention worked. Prior to MoonlightWhispers making his account on Instagram, Ayan’s username was different, but after following his favourite creator, he changed it for the sole reason of the other one to quickly recognise him.

Maybe… He was interested in him.

He was interested and kind to all of his viewers. 

But still – even if he unliked his post, Ayan was still over the moon about it. It still had to mean one thing and it was – MoonlightWhispers had to be at least lurking through his profile, no? 

Ayan’s mother only shook her head when she saw the size of her son’s smile. 

Why?

Why did Ayan bring him here?

Why did Ayan like messing around with him so much? 

Akk was sitting at the table, his eyes looking around the coffee shop that he and Ayan had just arrived at – the two of them were supposed to be working on their assignment there. The library was officially a no-go since they never got any work done there and Akk refused to go over to Ayan’s place again, so they decided to settle for something different.

A coffee shop. 

Apparently, Ayan just happened to know the perfect coffee shop for the two of them to work on their assignment in. 

Cafe for All – a coffee shop of diversity. 

This had to be Ayan messing with him, right?

Did Ayan know? 

Diversity was supposed to be good, no? It was. There were several pride flags hanging on the walls, it was supposed to be a so-called safe space for Akk, no? But, the thing was… He was scared. 

Everyone was staring. 

Everyone knew. 

So, what if they knew?

Akk wasn’t ready. 

Akk knew that he was just being paranoid, but he couldn’t help it. If there was a space where he could be completely himself without being judged, it was this place. So, why did he feel like this?

Almost exposed? 

Ayan had to know, there was no other way. Before, Akk didn’t really know why Ayan kept pushing and flirting, but now it all made sense. It was because he knew. Akk didn’t know how he knew , but he had to. This was all just to mess with him, wasn’t it? 

Akk gritted his teeth, going way off the rails. He was again assuming the worst in Ayan, which was uncalled for. Because he knew, he knew that even if Ayan loved messing around with him, even if he was always pushing and pulling, Ayan wouldn’t stoop this low.

No. 

Ayan wouldn’t.

Would he?

Akk was terribly jumpy, that was what Ayan saw the second that they got there. The reason why Ayan decided to bring Akk here was simply because he liked it here. This was a place that was special to him. It was a place that reminded him of his uncle. Ayan didn’t even know why. Maybe it was because he felt at ease here, like he could leave his worries outside for the time that he was there.

This was why he decided to bring Akk here – he thought that the environment here was going to be calm enough for them to finally get some work done because on the contrary belief, he didn’t want Akk to get a terrible grade because of him either. Ayan didn’t really care about grades, not anymore at least, but he didn’t want someone else to suffer because of him.

It was…

Ayan pressed his lips together and slowly sipped on his boba tea, eyes studying Akk. Why did he look so uncomfortable? The more that Ayan stared, the less he was liking where this was going. Because, why in the world did Akk look so freaked out? As if he hated being there.

Why?

Ayan really didn’t want to go down that path, he really didn’t want to be assuming things – things that he didn’t want to be true about Akk – but what was he supposed to think? Ayan kept telling himself that he should never assume things, that it was better to ask.

“Why did you bring me here?” asked Akk and Ayan’s heart sank lower. He felt chills going up his spine and it was just one more confirmation that Akk really didn’t want to be here. 

Ayan’s walls were up.

“What’s wrong with this place?” asked Ayan, his voice running cold.

Akk didn’t answer. He didn’t know what to say. His hands were shaking and he gripped onto his drink instead, trying to appear calm. Akk’s eyes kept travelling around the place, walls closing in on him. 

People were staring at the two of them.

They came together – wouldn’t people assume they were a couple?

What was wrong with that?

Nothing, there was nothing wrong with it.

Akk wasn’t ready. 

Akk was scared. 

Ayan felt his annoyance growing; he was really wrong about Akk. He didn’t take him for being so judgemental. However, then he noticed something. Perhaps it wasn’t judgement that he saw in Akk’s eyes, but something else.

Fear? 

Ayan’s eyes travelled lower and he saw the way Akk’s hands were fidgeting, as if he didn’t know what to do with them. What was with that reaction, then? Ayan was trying to figure Akk out, his mind was working at high speed.

Akk’s mind was all jumbled up. He wasn’t even paying attention to what was coming out of his mouth anymore, he just started blurting things that came to his mind first. He didn’t think, he just…

“People are staring,” stammered Akk.

Akk was anxious as hell, his heart was hammering against his ribcage. He wanted to calm down, he needed to calm down. His breathing was getting faster, he…

“What are you talking about?” asked Ayan and looked around. “No one is staring, Akk,” said Ayan. 

People were minding their own business, no one was paying attention to them especially since they were sitting in the corner, almost hidden from the others. It was a bit of a more private spot. Ayan picked it as he wanted them to have peace as they would work on the assignment. 

“People will know,” whispered Akk, his shaky fingers curling into loose fists. His eyes were wide, looking around like he was waiting for something bad to happen. His breathing was too fast, he looked scared out of his mind. It took Akk saying those three words for Ayan to realise just how much he actually misunderstood the whole situation.

That paired with Akk’s last words - people will know – it was enough for Ayan to connect the dots. It wasn’t that Akk was judgemental, it was quite the contrary. 

Akk was scared. Scared that people would find out…

Oh….

Oh.

Oh!

The thing was – Ayan could recognise this feeling all too well. 

That was why Ayan placed his drink down slowly and he leaned in, keeping his voice low as he called out to Akk. 

“Akk.”

Akk didn’t respond. His eyes were still looking past him, over his shoulder, scanning the cafe, searching for an escape route. 

Ayan tried again. 

“Akk, look at me,” said Ayan, his voice even softer now, no longer cold and annoyed, like it was before. No. His voice was also free of that usual teasing tone that Akk had gotten so used to. Akk looked lost, his eyes kept wandering around the place, but then he heard Ayan’s voice again and he slowly looked at him.

Slowly, Akk’s eyes finally met Ayan’s and swallowed thickly. 

“No one is staring,” said Ayan, trying to reassure Akk that he was fine. That he was okay, that everything was going to be okay. For the time being, Ayan put their differences aside and he tried to be there for Akk. He felt bad for assuming the worst – he wasn’t much different than Akk, was he? 

Akk gulped and he ducked his head down, looking around.

Was Ayan right?

Was he only imagining things?

Akk cleared his throat and he gripped onto the sides of the table and he raised his gaze again, trying to see if Ayan was right or if he was only messing with him. He exhaled and pressed his lips together. 

The cafe was warm, welcoming – it was full of people, just existing as they were, not really bothering anyone. Some of the couples in there were holding hands, a group of friends laughing at their table. One of the baristas was making drinks, the other one was chatting with the customers.

Not even a single person in there was paying attention to the two of them. 

In that very corner, they were almost hidden from the others. 

Akk cleared his throat, his racing heart slowly calming down.

“See?” asked Ayan softly and Akk glanced up at him. There was a little soft smile on Ayan’s smile. It wasn’t the annoying kind, no. This time, it was a genuine smile. Akk didn’t know how he was able to tell the difference between the two, he just knew. “No one is staring, no one here judges, Akk,” he said and Akk took a sharp breath in.

Judges about what?

Crap, Ayan knew, didn’t he?!

Akk’s throat bobbed as he swallowed and those words set a new wave of panic through Akk. It didn’t seem like Ayan was messing around with him, though. Why would he bring him to this cafe, then? If it wasn’t to mess around with his head, was it because he genuinely liked this place?

Was it just a coincidence? 

“It’s okay,” said Ayan.

Despite being taller, Akk looked so small at that very moment. He was trying to make himself as small as possible. Ayan didn’t know the whole story, he didn’t know what was wrong . Assuming things was never really a good way to go about things, but Akk wouldn’t tell him anything and he didn’t have to. Akk had the right to not tell him anything.

Ayan wasn’t wrong though, right? 

“It’s okay,” said Ayan again and Akk slowly nodded. “You’re safe here. This is a safe space. Akk, no one here is going to judge you. No one is going to ask you to explain yourself.””

Safe? 

Ayan’s words worked like a balm to his restless mind, soothing him slowly, but gradually as he closed his eyes and tried to calm down again. Akk didn’t even know what had gotten into him. Also, why was Ayan acting like this? He wasn’t messing around, he was serious and patient. He was looking at him with those warm eyes and Akk felt his face heating up a little bit and he quickly looked away.

Damn it. 

Ayan wanted to say that he understood how it felt, but again, it would be him assuming things. He didn’t want to push it too much, he just needed Akk to know that it was okay. That he was okay. 

“Akk, it’s okay,” said Ayan again and Akk believed it. Almost. He let out a slow breath and Ayan could tell that his shoulders finally loosened a little bit. That was a good sign as Ayan had noticed that whenever Akk was tense, his shoulders would be raised all the way up.

Akk’s eyes were about to wander away, but Ayan’s warm palm reaching for Akk distracted him. Akk flinched when Ayan placed a hand on top of his own and he quickly pulled it away.

Ayan sighed.

“Akk, look at me, ” said Ayan again and Akk listened, his big, round eyes locking with Ayan’s. Ayan swallowed thickly when he found Akk’s eyes dancing around his face and it took him a while to snap out of it. The way Akk looked at him, it was… Ayan forced a deep breath in and he licked across his lower lip. “You’re safe, okay? I promise you. You’re okay. No one will hurt you here.”

Akk finally let out the breath that he has been holding in ever since the two of them had gotten to this cafe and he closed his eyes, swallowing thickly and he nodded. 

Ayan’s words helped. As ridiculous as it sounded, Ayan managed to calm him down and Akk’s face heated up when he realised that he basically freaked out over nothing. Ayan saw the way Akk’s hands finally relaxed, his breathing slowly evened out and he relaxed as well.

“Sorry,” huffed Akk. “I don’t know what happened, I just-”

“You don’t have to explain,” said Ayan. I know how it feels. That was what he wanted to say, but he didn’t. It would be perhaps overstepping the line. He didn’t want to push it too much. Things were still very fragile between the two of them. He could count the instances when they actually managed to get along only on one hand, so… 

“I… Okay,” was all that Akk said and awkwardly sipped on the ice tea. “Thanks. I guess.”

Why was he thanking him? Akk didn’t know.

Ayan smiled and he leaned back against the chair, his eyes now on the drink and he narrowed his eyes. With things finally calming down, he realised something only then – the flavour of the ice tea that Akk had picked was the same as what MoonlightWhispers always drank in his videos. 

What a funny coincidence. 

Ayan snorted and he shook his head, sipping on his own drink instead – Ayan just kept seeing random things that kept reminding him of his favourite creator. 

It was silly, but…

“What?” asked Akk.

“Nothing,” said Ayan. “I just… remembered something funny.”

“Like, what?”

“Nothing important,” said Ayan and Akk huffed.

“Ayan, you better not be thinking about something stupid again,” said Akk with a little frown, but his words lacked the usual… bite. Akk was still out of it. 

“Aye,” whined Ayan.

“What?”

“You’re the only one that keeps calling me Ayan. I don’t like it,” said Ayan. “It’s Aye, just call me Aye! ” said Ayan and Akk rolled his eyes. 

“Ayan is your name. Is it not?”

“But-”

“So, that’s how I’ll call you,” said Akk and Ayan pouted as he leaned closer.

“Tch, you’re so cold,” complained Ayan. “Just try it once, mn?”

“No.”

“Akk!” whined Ayan.

Akk didn’t reply and he pulled out his textbooks instead. Ayan frowned and he could have sworn that Akk had a little amused smile on his lips. It was barely there, but Ayan saw it. It disappeared after a few seconds and Ayan smiled a little bit.

Perhaps he was annoying Akk on purpose now. 

Perhaps he wanted to be scolded. It meant that Akk was back to normal and despite whining, Ayan was glad to see that Akk finally managed to calm down. 

The day was coming to an end and Akk was exhausted after the day that he had. He didn’t really think his little freak out at the coffee shop would tire him out like this, but he was completely exhausted, already feeling his eyes closing and it wasn’t even that late.

Then again, he and Ayan did spend hours at the cafe.

The assignment was finally finished. Akk was glad that Ayan finally stopped slacking off and he finally started helping. When he was messing around, Ayan was pretty efficient at working on the assignment. 

Akk was glad that they finally finished working on the annoying assignment because it meant that he was finally getting his old life back – he wasn’t going to be forced to hang out with Ayan anymore. 

The thing that still worried him was his little freak out at the cafe.

Ayan’s words…

He knew, didn’t he?!

Akk gulped and he quickly shook his head, pressing his lips together and he glanced over to his computer instead. Akk really wished he could work on the new video a little bit more that day, but he was too out of it. He just needed to fall asleep as fast as possible.

Akk yawned and he was about to roll over and call it a day, but then his phone buzzed. He let out a little whine, grabbing his phone, rubbing his eyes. He expected to see Wat or Khan texting him, but then he saw that he had a new DM on Instagram from someone, which wasn’t really that out of the ordinary. 

Ever since opening the Instagram profile, his viewers would also send him DMs, to which Akk rarely responded. He did like the messages, though replying on a few occasions. DMs were too awkward. 

Akk still decided to check and his eyes widened when he saw who sent him the direct message. 

@halfawake

@halfawake had just slid into his DMs and Akk immediately felt awake, his cheeks heating up and he quickly sat up on his bed, clearing his throat.

Should he read it?

Yes… yes he should. 

Akk ignored the way his cheeks burned as he tapped onto the new message and his eyes widened as he read it. 

@halfawake

Why did you unlike my post? 😭💔

Akk choked on his breath because this wasn’t what he expected and his whole face turned into deep shades of red. His entire body was suddenly feeling too warm for his liking and he wanted to slap himself.

It’s been a couple of days.

Akk hoped that the other one didn’t notice. 

But, he did. Of course he did. And apparently, it’s been bothering him for days now if he only decided to ask him about it now. Akk gulped as he was freaking out. A part of him understood that he didn’t own any explanations, but the other side of him wanted to explain because… It was an accident, truly! 

Akk swallowed. 

Akk could see that @halfawake was typing, but then the typing stopped and Akk chewed on his lower lip. He probably saw now that he had read the message and he decided to reply.

Ah, so you’ve noticed…  

Akk was holding back his breath, feeling his heart hammering against his ribcage and then the reply finally came. 

@halfawake

What do you mean if I’ve noticed?!

Of course I noticed, you’re my favourite creator ever.

One second, it was there and I was so happy. I even showed my mom, you know!

And then – poof! It was gone. Just like that 💔

What happened?

Akk let out a surprised laughter and he pressed a hand against his mouth, shaking his head because… this person was kind of cute.

He showed his mom him liking the post? 

Akk snorted and then he took a deep breath in. Suddenly, Akk didn’t feel awkward anymore and he relaxed. It was fine. This person was clearly only playfully messing around and Akk soon matched his energy. But, he was still kind of shy about it.

Akk liked @halfawake flirting with him.

I liked the post by accident

So, I panicked 😅

@halfawake

So, you’re telling me you went to my profile by accident

And liked the post?

It was an ACCIDENT

ACCIDENT!

@halfawake

You weren’t stalking my profile by any chance, were you?  👀

Akk fumbled with his fingers and he didn’t know what to reply back. He tried it several times, but he had nothing. He kept editing, deleting and in the end not sending anything. Akk’s face was literally on fire and he wished he was better at this. 

Ugh…

But, luckily for him,  @halfawake decided to reply again.

@halfawake

Um, hey? Don’t stress about it, okay? That was only a joke

I didn’t mean to pressure you 

I took it too far, didn’t I?

Akk blinked a few times and he took a deep breath in, finally typing back.

No, it’s okay

I mean it, I don’t mind ✨

@halfawake

Okay, good

You and what you do really means a lot to me, so I would never want to make you feel uncomfortable

I mean, I still can’t believe I’m talking to you over DMs like this 🤯

You must get a ton of DMs, huh? Do you reply to everyone?

Or am I special? 🥺

Akk chuckled and he cleared his throat as he replied.

You didn’t make me feel uncomfortable

And… you might be special 🤫

Akk didn’t know what possessed him to write that. He was really…

@halfawake

OMG 🤯

For real? 

The comment that you left on my video really touched me

I was going through a lot that day 

@halfawake

I’m glad, you know? That I was able to cheer you up

You’ve done so much for all of us

So, to know that I was able to make just a bit of a difference

Akk smiled and he sighed along. 

This was… nice, wasn’t it? Talking with @halfawake was very nice, Akk feeling butterflies in his stomach as the two of them went back and forth for a little bit longer – talking about books and music. 

Akk was calm until @halfawake decided to ask…

@halfawake

By the way, are you ever going to wear that purple sweater again? 🥺

Why does everyone keep asking me that? 😭

@halfawake

It’s adorable ✨

Akk almost choked on his breath when he read that message and he tried to pretend that it didn’t make him happy or excited, feeling his heart fluttering with joy.

Akk was quite shy, but…

Me or the sweater? 😼

@halfawake

Both~ 💜

Akk stuffed his face into the pillow to muffle the whine that escaped past his lips, his cheeks burning, but he couldn't stop replying. 

Akk wasn’t getting any sleep that night as he and @halfawake kept messaging for hours to come. 

Chapter Text

Ayan was sitting in class, but he wasn’t really present. He wasn’t paying attention as he was blankly staring out of the window, his fingers loosely holding the pen, but he hadn't written anything down. He could hear the sound of teacher Waree somewhere in the distance as she carried on with the lesson, but Ayan wasn’t listening at all.

It wasn’t a good day. 

Heaviness lingered, no matter what. 

That day, it would’ve been his uncle’s birthday. 

This was going to be the first birthday that Ayan would spend without him and it was just… Everything was too overwhelming. His mother asked him to stay home, but Ayan refused to do so because he knew that his uncle wouldn’t want that. Probably. Ayan didn’t know, but perhaps his mother was right – maybe he needed to stay home. 

Ayan’s eyes flickered over to the board as the teacher was writing something on it, but all of the words blurred together, her voice muffled in the background as Ayan couldn’t focus. She was just background noise to the screaming that was going on in his mind at the moment. The classroom was suffocating, he felt like he was choking. Ayan was trapped, there was no way out.

Ayan quickly looked out of the window yet again.

The sun was shining bright and Ayan watched how the wind rustled the trees. The sky was bright blue, it was truly a beautiful day. Uncle Dika would have loved it today, he really would. His uncle loved beautiful days like that. Ayan’s throat  tightened and he swallowed thickly, gripping onto the pen that he was still holding in his hand and he tried to get himself out of it.

Ayan was in the middle of the class, he needed to focus. 

There was a point in time when Ayan loved birthdays. Not just his own, not just his mom’s or his uncle’s, but anyone’s. It was a celebration of a person’s birth and he loved it. His uncle always made a big deal out of them – always saying how life needed to be celebrated. 

And now everything was just… gone. 

What was the point of celebrating if everything just vanished in within fucking seconds?!

What was the point of anything, really?

This school, their rules, pretending that he was actually doing fine, but he was suffering. The teachers at the school were always preaching about discipline and obedience, always expecting things from them, but they didn’t care. None of them deserved to be a teacher, not a single one. 

Teacher Sani was an exception.

But, otherwise, all of these so-called teachers were bastards. There was no point in Ayan pretending that he was paying attention and he swallowed thickly because he could feel Akk’s lingering gaze on him, but he pretended that he didn’t see it. Akk didn’t look impressed, but Ayan didn’t have the energy to care. 

What was the point if everything was just going to vanish?

Ayan felt that suffocating feeling rushing back to him as he glanced down, his vision blurry a little bit and he tried to ignore the feeling, but he couldn’t shake it off. 

If his uncle was still here, the two of them would have celebrated his birthday with his mother. His mom would throw Dika a huge birthday, even if it was just the three of them attending. It didn’t matter. 

Happy birthday, uncle Dika. 

Those words echoed in Ayan’s mind as they had nowhere to go. There was no one to say those words to. He could keep repeating them over and over again, but no matter how loud he would say it, no matter how many times he could repeat them, over and over again, he wouldn’t be able to hear them.

There was just silence. 

Deafening silence that Ayan couldn’t deal with. 

No matter how many months have passed, everything just felt so fucking empty. The world suddenly felt too cold for his liking. Ayan swallowed thickly, his throat burning and he closed his eyes, ignoring it when Akk nudged him, trying to get his attention.

Ayan didn’t care.

Birthdays were supposed to be about celebrating, but not anymore. Today wasn't about celebrating, but it was about remembering. 

And it fucking hurt. It hurt like hell. 

Akk, on the other hand, was listening to the whole lesson, sitting upright with a pen in his hands and was neatly scribbling down the notes into his notebook, trying to ignore the way Ayan wasn’t paying attention next to him, but it was difficult. The other one barely moved, he just sat there.

So, Akk tried to get his attention again. He nudged him with his shoulder, but Ayan didn’t really react, he just continued to stare blankly out of the window, the look in his eyes completely lost and Akk could’ve sworn that Ayan’s eyes looked too glossy for his liking, red around the rims as if… 

What happened? 

Akk wasn’t worried, not really.

Right?

Akk didn’t know, but since the day at the cafe, he decided to tone down his dislike for Ayan a little bit. 

The whole incident that happened at the coffee shop that day still had Akk in a choke hold and he didn’t know if he should acknowledge it or pretend like it never happened when it came to hanging out with Ayan. Not like the two of them hung out much after that, but Akk was paranoid.

Ayan was bound to know now. 

And Akk knew Ayan would never tell anyone as he wasn’t that kind of a person, but the paranoia still made him overthink. At the end of it, he was pretending like that never happened. At least for now, neither of them addressed it and it was better that way, anyway. 

Akk sighed and stole a little glance from Ayan again, who had barely moved at all. Ayan was still staring out of the window, his chin resting on his hand. There was something definitely very wrong because Ayan’s sharp eyes weren’t carrying the usual cockiness in them. At all. 

Ayan’s eyes were completely dull that day. He hadn’t spoken much. Ayan was always trying to make a conversation with Akk before the class started, but that day, there wasn’t any of that. Ayan came in class in complete and utter silence and has been staring out of the window ever since. He barely acknowledged anyone’s presence, which already caused two of the professors to snap at Ayan. 

Ayan ignored all of them.

Akk had a feeling that teacher Waree was also close to snapping. 

The teacher was now writing on the board again, so Akk decided to try again. He could tell that teacher Waree wasn’t really amused with Ayan and since Akk was the head prefect, he felt like it was his duty and responsibility that the other students were behaving in class. 

To respect the teacher was one of the many rules that applied to Suppalo. 

Akk nudged him again with his elbow.

“Hey,” whispered Akk, but there was nothing.

Ayan didn’t look at him, he kept gazing out of the window and Akk’s frown deepened and he glanced at the teacher, who didn’t notice anything. A few of the students sitting beside their desk saw that something was wrong. Akk ignored the looks as he leaned closer to Ayan again. 

“Ayan,” whispered Akk firmly. “Pay attention in class.”

Ayan slowly moved, but he didn’t really realise what was happening. He was trapped in his mind, in his memories of his uncle that he didn’t notice how Akk was trying to desperately get his attention. Akk was both annoyed and worried. Annoyed that Ayan wasn’t paying attention, but worried as he could tell that Ayan wasn’t feeling well.

Was Ayan sick?

Hurt?

Akk didn’t know how to ask Ayan if everything was okay without being too… 

Akk’s eyes travelled around the classroom and once he saw that no one was now paying attention to him and Ayan now, he slid his hand under the desk and took a deep breath in as he reached for Ayan’s hand that was resting in his own lap. Akk gently ran his finger over Ayan’s wrist and that worked. 

Ayan snapped out of it. 

Ayan slowly blinked at him as he moved his head to the side. Ayan finally acknowledged Akk’s presence, but he didn’t really say anything. He forced a little smile and Akk frowned.

The smile was tired, hiding the pain in those eyes. 

“Are you feeling unwell?” mouthed Akk.

Ayan shook his head.

Akk tried again.

“What’s wrong?” asked Akk and Ayan stiffened as he was looking at Akk and for a second it looked like Ayan was going to tell him, but then he just pulled his hand away from Akk’s and placed it on top of the desk instead. 

Ayan shook his head.

Nothing.

Nothing was wrong. 

Akk seemed worried. Was he? 

Akk didn’t believe Ayan – he knew that something was wrong. He was about to ask another question, but then teacher Waree’s voice cut through the silence in the room and Akk snapped, quickly turning to the front, gluing his eyes to the board and he gritted his teeth.

Fuck it. 

”Ayan!” snapped the teacher.

Ayan was still too dazed, her voice was still too muffled for it to make any sense, which was kind of weird. He could hear Akk’s voice nice and crisp before and he wasn’t even talking, barely whispering the words. 

“Ayan, are you even listening to me?!” snapped the woman again. 

Those words worked like a cold shower and Akk saw that Ayan finally snapped out of it, finally present in the classroom. His eyes  didn’t look dull anymore, his jawline tensing and his fingers curled around the pen tighter as he glared at the woman. 

Everyone was looking at him.

Silence fell in the classroom again. 

Ayan lazily tipped his head back and shrugged.

“Mn?”

Teacher Waree didn’t seem impressed. At all. The lack of respect coming from Ayan fueled her anger even more. 

“How disrespectful, ” she snapped and Akk pressed his lips together because he knew what was coming. His eyes were on Ayan, who looked completely uninterested. He was leaning back against his chair and Akk gritted his teeth. “I have been teaching for the past half hour and you have been staring out of the window this whole time, Ayan!”

Ayan rolled his eyes, his lips forming a thin line and he felt his heart pounding against his chest. Ayan was on the edge, he knew he was going to snap.

Everyone decided to be on his back that fucking day!

This was the third teacher snapping at him and Ayan didn’t need this. He didn’t need any of this. Before he could even say something back, the woman was speaking again and Ayan gritted his teeth as he listened. 

“Why are you even in this class if you don't pay attention? You’re wasting my time,” she said and those words landed heavier than she could’ve predicted. 

Ayan exhaled as he shook his head, feeling his eyes burning again. Just like he had predicted before – everyone would be glad if he just fucking disappeared from around here. Well, too bad for them. He wasn’t going anywhere, so they would have to just deal with him. Ayan snorted, his tongue pushing against the inside of his cheek.

Akk tensed up again.

“Stop it,” whispered Akk.

Ayan didn’t hear him. Or he pretended like he didn’t.  

The tone of his chuckle before was dark, bitter, sharp.

Akk couldn’t recognise it. 

“Oh, I’m so fucking sorry. I must have missed the part where this lesson was actually useful and important,” said Ayan and Akk’s eyes widened. 

Other students gasped, but Ayan ignored them.

Akk’s stomach dropped – what the hell has gotten into Ayan?!

“Ayan, that was enough,” said Akk, but Ayan shook his head.

“What, Akk? Scared, I'll say the truth?” asked Ayan and then shook his head. “I mean, really? This whole school is trying to break people with all the freaking rules you have around here. You are trying to discipline and shape our minds? Or whatever,” said Ayan. “But, what you’re actually doing is repressing people. You try to push us into these little perfect molds,” he said and that shut Akk right up.

Ayan was right.

Maybe. 

No, no, no… That wasn’t right. What was Akk thinking?

Ayan was way out of line!

“Ayan-” started the teacher, but Ayan cut her off as he suddenly stood up.

“No, please, let me finish, teacher, ” said Ayan and looked around the classroom. He didn’t know what he was doing, the chair scraping against the floor loudly as he looked around the classroom. “The teachers don’t care about us, but you’ve probably noticed that already. They care about control and their reputation. That is all. We are all just numbers, statistics,” he said and made a little pause. “They expect us to be their little obedient minions while they keep patting themselves on the back for-”

“Ayan, that’s enough,” said Akk and Ayan gritted his teeth.

Why? 

Why was it supposed to be enough?

Why should he keep his mouth shut?

Why was Akk refusing to see the truth?!

Akk, of all people, should know better than anymore. Ayan still remembered the screaming that he heard inside of Chadok’s office that day. The way Akk looked when he stepped out of the classroom, how almost scared he was to mess up again. It was fucked up.

It shouldn’t be like this.

His uncle Dika was a good teacher. Why were the good people always…

Ayan’s eyes welled up again.

Damn it. Ayan was getting frustrated. He didn’t expect anyone to be on his side. The looks that he was getting were mixed, Ayan couldn’t really tell what everyone was thinking. Some of the students agreed with him.

Thua did, but he was too scared to say anything.

Fine, it didn’t really matter. 

“Fine,” hissed Ayan and quickly collected his things, stuffing his textbook into his bag, putting it over his shoulder and Akk tensed up again – where was he going?! Akk wanted to ask him, but Ayan was too quick.

Ayan needed to get the hell out from there or he  was going to make even a bigger mess. Ayan could hear teacher Waree yelling after him, but he didn’t listen. She was saying something about going to the principal, but Ayan didn’t listen as he stormed out of the class and Akk stood up almost on instinct. 

“Ayan!” started Akk, but he didn’t get very far.

“Akk, sit down,” she said. 

Her voice was sharp, clearly angry as it was shaking and Akk halted. Akk felt trapped between the door and his desk as his fingers grabbed onto the edge of the desk. Akk tried his best to ignore the urge to go after Ayan.

Akk wasn’t worried, no.

It was only his duty as the prefect to make sure that the students followed the rules. 

But, he knew that if he stormed out as well that he would be in big trouble. Teacher Chadok would hear about it and he couldn’t have this happening. The head prefect storming out of the class – everyone looked up to him, so Akk couldn’t have this happening.

Akk’s eyes were glued on the open door now, but he still sat back down, his heart pounding in his chest. 

It was an odd feeling as he wanted to chase after Ayan, to set things right, to make him understand that what he did was wrong. Talking back to the  teacher was wrong. He needed to show respect.

But, Ayan also looked so… 

Akk swallowed back the worry, shaking his head.

No, this was none of his concern. 

Akk’s breath shook as the class finally settled down and teacher Waree carried on with the lesson. Akk could feel others looking at him – Khan was staring. Akk didn’t like it, what was up with that?

Did he know?

Knew what?

Akk shook his head and he gripped onto the pen.

As the prefect, it was his job to make sure that every student followed the rules, so Ayan’s outburst was his fault. It dawned upon Akk – this was his fault. 

Teacher Chadok wasn’t letting this slide. 

Akk was fucking pissed off. 

He expected Ayan to at least return to the next period, but he didn’t. After storming out of teacher Waree’s class, he didn’t return back to class for the entire day and of course Akk was called to teacher Chadok’s office and ended up being yelled at for the way Ayan behaved in her class. 

Akk apologised on Ayan’s behalf, promising Chadok that he was going to sort this out, that he was going to make sure that Ayan was going to start following the rules. But, that was what he was promising since the school year started, so his words seemed like a bunch of empty lies to Chadok. Still, Akk knew this was his responsibility. 

As the prefect, he needed to make sure everyone behaved according to the rules that the school held.

Thanks to Ayan, Akk was held at school for longer than he needed to be. Wat and Khan already returned to the dorms and Akk had a plan to drop by one of their rooms. The two of them were probably together, anyway, so that was at least the plan. 

Akk’s plans changed when he saw Ayan’s car parked by the school.

Ayan was still there?! 

Oh, he had a freaking nerve. 

Akk gripped onto the strap of the bag that he had over his shoulders, quickly marching over to the car. Akk didn’t like being in trouble because of Ayan now and he decided that he needed to sort this out. He needed Ayan to understand that there were still rules that he needed to follow. 

Even if he had a bad day, Ayan needed to know better than to treat people like that. The disrespect that he showed towards their teacher filled Akk with unease. 

When Akk was by the car, he glanced inside and he found Ayan in the backseat. Akk was about to bang onto the car window, but then he took a second glance and blinked a few times. 

Ayan was sitting folded in half. He was gripping onto something, holding it pressed tightly to his chest, only to realise that it was the same old notebook that he grabbed by accident in the library that day. Ayan was gripping on it like a lifeline, his other hand curled around the pendant of his necklace and he was shaking. Ayan was shaking.

Ayan wasn’t okay. 

Just like that, all of Akk’s annoyance disappeared and he lowered his hand. Ayan didn’t really notice him as he had his eyes closed, he was wearing earpods, completely shutting the outside world far, far away. 

How long has he been sitting like this in the car?

Since storming out of the class?

Akk gulped and considered walking away, giving Ayan space, but… Akk didn’t want to walk away. That was why he knocked onto the car window instead after a few moments of hesitation. Ayan didn’t hear him right away since he was wearing the earpods, so he tried again and… Ayan flinched.

Akk saw how Ayan flinched and glanced around him, noticing Akk standing outside right away. Ayan’s eyes were red and puffy, traces of tears still apparent on his cheeks and Akk felt his chest tightening. Ayan quickly puffed his cheeks, took his earpods out of his ears and placed them into their case instead. He quickly wiped away the tears, locked the screen of his phone and finally opened the door. 

Akk grabbed onto the handle and opened the door wider. 

Ayan sniffled and placed the diary down as silence fell between the two of them.

Why was Akk there?

What did he want?

Did the teachers send him?

Was he there as a prefect or… as his friend? 

Ayan felt his eyes welling up again. He had been sitting in the car since storming out of the class. He didn’t go home as he didn’t want to risk getting caught by his mother, he didn’t want to worry her. So, he sat there in his car – holding onto the pendant and the diary, listening to MoonlightWhispers for the past few hours. 

“Are you here to yell at me as well?” asked Ayan, cutting through the silence. 

The question hung heavy in the air, but Akk shook his head.

“Move a bit,” was all that Akk said as he leaned closer and Ayan slowly slid over to the other side of the car, allowing Akk to climb into the car with him. 

As Ayan moved to the other seat, he took the diary with him. But, as he lifted the diary up, something fell out of it and Akk happened to catch it, closing the door of the car. Akk frowned as he glanced down at what he was holding. At first, he thought it was a piece of paper, but now he realised it was a polaroid photo of Ayan and… someone else.

A face that he didn’t recognise. 

“Sorry,” said Akk quickly and handed the polaroid to Ayan, figuring that he probably wouldn’t want him holding it. “Here,” he said instead and Ayan cleared his throat and shook his head.

“It’s fine,” said Ayan and heaviness remained in his chest as he was looking down at the polaroid picture. Him and uncle Dika. It was taken on Ayan’s birthday, a couple of years ago. Ayan’s lower lip shook and Akk felt panic rising. “It would’ve been his birthday today,” said Ayan out of the blue.

Ayan blurted it out, he wasn’t sure why he said it.

Maybe he wanted someone to know.

Someone like Akk?

Why was he telling this to Akk of all people? Even Thua didn’t know.

With Akk, it was different. Ayan didn’t know why , but it was easy for him to open to Akk, which was funny considering all of the things. How the two of them didn’t get along at the very beginning. 

“What?” asked Akk.

“This is my uncle,” said Ayan and showed the picture to Akk. 

“ Oh, ” was all that Akk said as he didn’t know what to do with that information.

“It’s… It’s the first year celebrating his birthday without him,” whispered Ayan, not sure if Akk would get the message across or not. He didn’t know nor did he care to explain things any further, but he knew that Akk wasn’t stupid and his eyes welled up again. “If he was here, my mom and I would make such a big deal out of it. He loved celebrating birthdays, you know?”

Akk was just sitting and listening. 

Oh, his heart sank when he made the connection, when he finally figured everything out… It made sense why Ayan didn’t pay attention in class before. It made Akk’s stomach drop even more thinking back to how all of the teachers were essentially bullying him. 

It wasn’t right to not be paying attention in class, but they didn’t know…

Akk swallowed thickly and he was glad that he decided not to be an ass to Ayan that day. Ayan’s day sucked enough as it was and he placed a hand on top of Ayan’s shoulder, who flinched at the touch, but soon relaxed and slowly tucked the photo back into the diary, placing it into his bag and he swallowed thickly.

Tears were about to fall again. 

“I’m sorry,” was all that Akk could say, really.

“It’s okay,” said Ayan.

“It’s not,” said Akk and Ayan swallowed thickly, shaking his head. 

“I hope Chadok didn’t give you too much of a hard time because of me,” mumbled Ayan and Akk waved it off because all of that was forgotten. Ayan was still thinking about his well-being, Akk feeling his throat tightening. 

How was he supposed to tell Ayan that Chadok nor the other teachers didn’t matter?!

“Forget about him now,” said Akk and Ayan snorted, giving him a surprised look. Still, Ayan felt lighter, he felt a little bit better now that he wasn’t alone anymore. Ayan’s breath shook and Akk’s hand slowly fell down onto his back, gently rubbing uneven patterns against the hoodie that Ayan was wearing.

Akk realised what he was doing, his cheeks heating up and he quickly pulled his hand away. Ayan was disappointed, but he didn’t say anything. Akk was flustered, though, which coaxed a little smile onto Ayan’s lips.

Ayan really didn’t want to be alone. 

If… If he asked Akk to hang out with him for a little longer – what would his answer be?

“Akk?”

“Mn?”

“Can we hang out for a little bit longer?” asked Ayan and Akk swallowed thickly. “I just don’t want to be alone right now.”

The only thing that Akk could do was nod.

Akk and Ayan made their way to Cafe for All.

Again. 

This time, however, Ayan knew better than to just bring Akk here. He asked him if he was comfortable enough and Akk didn’t seem to mind it. After Ayan managed to calm him down that day – when he saw that no one truly cared about the two of them in the cafe – he stopped worrying. It was all just paranoia making him imagine things, so he was fine.

Akk didn’t mind coming to the cafe again.

On their way to the cafe, Ayan opened up a little bit more about his uncle. He told Akk a few things about what kind of a person his uncle really was. Akk didn’t dare to ask what happened. He knew enough. 

Akk felt like he needed to do something. 

Akk wanted to cheer Ayan up, somehow. 

Akk wished he could be more like MoonlightWhispers in real life. He was too awkward in real life, never really knowing what to say. Did he really need a curated script for him to do that?! 

No.

Akk decided to do something.

That was why, when Ayan went to the bathroom to wash his face a little bit as he was still a mess, Akk decided to put his plan in motion. He ordered a piece of cake. It was good that they were in a coffee shop as there were plenty of cakes to choose from. Since Akk didn’t know which one to order, he decided to go for the most generic taste of them all – vanilla. 

Everyone liked vanilla, right?

Akk didn’t know if Ayan would think this was him crossing the lines or not, but… Maybe it would make him happy. To celebrate his uncle’s birthday like this. Akk knew it wasn’t much of a celebration and Ayan would probably want to be with someone else than him, but still – Akk decided to wing it. If Ayan got upset, then… It was a risk he was willing to take. 

Akk was in luck. The cafe did birthday celebrations as well, so when he asked for a birthday candle, he got one within minutes. He made sure to get two forks as well and he had the lighter with him to light up the candle, impatiently waiting for Ayan to come back from the bathroom.

Ayan took his sweet time there, but he just wanted to clean up a little bit. He didn’t want to be seen as a mess around Akk. When Ayan stepped out of the bathroom, Akk quickly straightened himself up and hoped he wasn’t going to regret this. 

Ayan raised his eyebrows as he sat back down.

“Hungry?” asked Ayan and pointed over to the cake that suddenly appeared at their table.

Akk took a deep breath in as he hesitated. Ayan noticed the birthday candle next to the two forks and his eyes made their way up, locking with Akk’s. Ayan didn’t understand it – what was the meaning of this? Ayan swallowed thickly as his eyes danced around Akk’s  face. 

Akk looked nervous. 

“Akk, why did you-”

“You said your uncle liked celebrating birthdays, right?” asked Akk, his voice careful. Oh, Akk was walking on eggshells. If Ayan got upset… “I thought we could celebrate his birthday, together,” said Akk, his heart hammering against his ribcage as his eyes were on Ayan.

Akk took this too far, didn’t he? 

Ayan was going to snap at him as well.

Akk had no right to be this… bold? He didn’t know, he just wanted to cheer Ayan up. He didn’t mean to upset him.

Ayan felt his throat closing up on him again and his eyes were again heating up, feeling that prickly heat again. Akk’s words rushed to his heart and he had to force himself how to breathe. Akk wanted to celebrate his uncle’s birthday with him?  Ayan swallowed thickly, but before he got the chance to answer, Akk’s anxiety got to him.

“Sorry,” stammered Akk. “I… I took it too far, didn’t I? I just wanted to cheer you up, I didn’t mean to upset-”

Ayan placed his hand over Akk’s and the other stopped talking. Ayan shook his head as his thumb gently swept along Akk’s knuckles. Ayan bowed his head and quickly blinked the tears away. 

Akk was just so…

Akk went out of his way to order a cake, the candle, just to cheer him up? Akk might’ve been cold on the outside, but god, he had to be one of the most caring people Ayan has ever met. The more that he got to know him, the more he was sure of it.

“Thank you,” said Ayan instead and Akk finally shut up. “This… mn. I like it. Thank you.”

“You aren’t upset?”

“No,” said Ayan and quickly dried his eyes with the back of his palm. His uncle would’ve loved this. 

“So, it’s okay if I…?” asked Akk and gently planted the birthday candle on top of the cake piece. Ayan nodded and smiled when Akk pulled out a lighter out of his pocket. 

In silence, Akk lit up the candle and Ayan glanced at the small flame, feeling choked up. Ayan placed his hands together, closed his eyes for a few seconds before he leaned closer to the cake and blew out the candle.

“Happy birthday, uncle Dika,” whispered Ayan in a small voice and Akk bowed his head down, wishing the happy birthday as well. Ayan smiled as he watched Akk – as polite as always, huh? 

Ayan’s heart fastened a little bit as his gaze lingered on Akk for a bit too long. 

“I, uh, I got two forks, but if you want, you can eat the cake alone,” said Akk sheepishly and Ayan quickly glanced away, realising he was staring way too much. 

“We’ll share,” said Ayan and gently pushed the plate closer to Akk, who was sitting on the opposite side of the table. 

Akk could feel his cheeks heating up when he felt Ayan’s eyes on him, but he decided to ignore it and he shoved a small piece of cake into his mouth instead. Oh, the cake was overly sweet. Still, Ayan seemed to enjoy it. Ayan kept fighting back the tears as he ate, but then he glanced at Akk and he just burst out into a fit of laughter.

Akk  frowned.

“What?”

Ayan was amused.

“I didn’t take you for a messy eater, Akk,” said Ayan and Akk’s face lit up like the candle before.

“I… uh, huh?! ” struggled Akk. 

Ayan simply reached over the table and tried to wipe off the frosting from the corner of Akk’s lips. Akk froze for a moment and those big, round eyes locked with Ayan’s again. Ayan’s breath hitched because there it was again – the way Akk was looking at him…

Akk quickly pulled away and grabbed a napkin instead to wipe the remaining frosting. 

Adorable.

Akk was too adorable.

Ayan’s heart melted even more as he kept staring at Akk, eating the rest of the cake in silence as he felt warmth spreading in his chest. Ayan really couldn’t put it into words just how grateful he was to Akk for doing this, but he hoped that Akk knew it.

It wasn’t really like Akk to do spontaneous things, but something changed that day. 

Akk didn’t know what it was – perhaps it was the fact that he spent the whole afternoon with Ayan and he didn’t feel like sitting alone in his dorm room as he was writing his Math homework, but he decided to do something very spontaneous – a surprise live stream. 

Akk had just started it a couple of minutes ago, so people were still trickling in, the number of viewers increasing. The idea that Akk had for the livestream was also quite simple – he was doing his homework and chatting with his viewers. 

Akk made sure that everything was set before he went live, though. The camera wasn’t on his face, he made sure that the settings of his new microphone were also all set. The soft scratching of Akk’s pen could be heard as he sighed softly and glanced at the number of viewers, feeling his cheeks heating up when he saw the number.

That many? 

Akk decided to layer the sound of his writing with a subtle crackling of a fireplace in the background. He loved the crackling sounds of the fire. It always calmed him down, feeling warm and inviting. As always, the lights in the video were also gentle, dim and warm, exhaling softly as he rubbed the back of his neck, extending his neck out a little bit and his eyes landed on the screen again, smiling at the comments.

Akk’s chair creaked lightly as he shifted a bit, adjusting the sleeves of his deep purple sweater. Akk finally folded and decided to wear the sweater again. Not because @halfawake has asked him to. No, no. It was because everyone has been asking him to wear the sweater again. 

No other reasons. 

Ayan tuned into the livestream a bit later than he wanted to. There was no announcement about the live stream, so he didn’t notice the notification on his phone until around 10 minutes passed.

Ayan hoped that he wasn’t too late as he quickly made himself comfortable on the bed. It was pretty late, Ayan’s mom was already asleep, but the day turned out to be… Better than either of them expected it to go. That didn’t go to say that they didn’t spend the whole evening in the living room just talking about him , crying at times, but… 

Ayan felt better.

Thanks to Akk.

Thanks to his mother.

And now… thanks to MoonlightWhispers. 

It was really insane how he knew how to soothe his mind, every single time that he needed to. And Ayan’s mood got even better when he saw what MoonlightWhispers was wearing that evening.

The purple sweater.

Oh, Ayan was in for a treat. 

That was why, as soon as the livestream loaded, Ayan couldn’t hold himself back from writing in a comment.

@halfawake: 

Oho~ I see you’re wearing THE sweater again. Are you wearing it for me? 🥹

Akk’s pen almost fell from his hand as his eyes flickered over to the chat and he parted his lips slightly. There he was, finally – @halfawake. Akk’s cheeks reddened and he felt his entire body heating up a little bit as he licked across his lower lip.

Akk let out a little chuckle as he ducked his head down, trying to hide a little bit – even if there wasn’t anyone to see his face, pressing his lips together. He didn’t reply for a little while and he could tell that the chat was picking up the heat already. 

@little_princess_of_the_sky:

THIS IS WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING ALL THIS TIME – PURPLE SWEATER SUPREMACY! 😭😭

@sweetchoco:

Here goes @halfawake again, never gonna stop simping, will you? 

@halfawake:

Never 🔥

“Oh?” finally asked Akk, keeping his voice low and carrying that hint of amusement and he laughed, trying to pretend he wasn’t blushing like crazy. “But I don’t remember ever saying that I was wearing this sweater for anyone, really,” whispered Akk.

Ayan smiled when he heard that.

Ayan wanted to think that MoonlightWhispers was wearing the sweater for him. The two of them were still talking via the direct messages on Instagram, so he wanted to believe that he truly was special.

He said that his comment stood out from the rest, that he made an impression, so…

Ayan snorted when he read through the comments.

@butterfly_32: 

Not Moonlight teasing back 😭

@cloudcollecter:

Enough with the flirting, you are making the  rest of us feel single af 😭

Akk felt warmth creeping up his neck and he cleared his throat, shaking his head. He spun the pen in his hand as he cleared his throat again, feeling shy as hell, but he also loved it. He loved the attention like this.

“Who said anything about flirting, mn?” whispered Akk softly.

Ayan snickered as he wrote back a reply.

@halfawake:

You tell me! Because it sounded like you were flirting back 😌

Akk laughed again, tapping with his fingers against the paper of his notebook and he sighed along. He chewed on his lower lip as he wrote down a few more numbers, the soft scratch of his pen against the page filling the room, the faint crackling sound of the fireplace still layered in the background of the stream and Akk finally lifted his gaze up, only to be met with chaos in the comment section.

@little_princess_of_the_sky:

Please, stop acting so innocent! 😤

@butterfly_32:

Oh, he knows what he’s doing! 🤣

Akk was smiling and he bit his lower lip, trying to suppress his laughter. This was getting dangerous – Akk didn’t even know who this person was hiding behind their username, yet… He couldn’t help it. 

Akk sighed again, finally responding. 

“You guys are seeing things that aren’t really there,” said Akk quietly and softly.

Pretending like he wasn’t blushing, Akk went back to doing his homework. As he was writing down the next Math problem, he leaned a bit too low. Akk didn’t notice at first that he had a bit too much of his face than he would’ve wanted to and he quickly backpaddled.

Akk panicked when he noticed that and he quickly pointed the angle of the camera lower, his heart hammering against his chest as he didn’t know how much of his face he showed, but he soon realised that he didn’t reveal anything at all as the chat was complaining that he needed to raise the camera a bit up again.

Akk sighed in relief.

Thank goodness.

But was that really true? 

Ayan’s eyes worked fast and sharp. It was a shame that MoonlightWhispers adjusted the camera angle so fast, just a couple of seconds, but Ayan noticed something that imprinted right into his mind.

Ayan didn’t see much of his face, only a small part of his lips, but as he got a bit closer to the camera – more than he usually did –  he noticed something that he didn’t before. 

MoonlightWhispers had a mole on his chin. 

Small and adorable.

Ayan was laughing at himself at that point because he was being ridiculous! But, the more he learned about him, the more he wanted to know. 

Ayan sighed and rolled onto his stomach, watching the rest of the livestream with a huge grin on his face.

Chapter Text

Akk sighed as he finally finished taking notes, not paying attention to his surroundings. The last period of the day had just ended and students were already leaving, but some still lingered around, chatting in the classroom in small groups, collecting their things into their bags at a slow, lazy pace. Akk barely noticed anyone around him as he was focusing on taking the last notes, aligning the edges of his notebook before he carefully and neatly closed the notebook.

Wat and Khan were still in the classroom, waiting for Akk to be done, so that they could leave together. The two of them were chatting about something, Akk wasn’t really sure what it was, but they were laughing and whispering. 

Akk could hear Khan calling out to him, but he was still caught up in his mind, thinking about the video he still had to edit, pressing his lips together as he really couldn’t wait to be back in his room, to finally get to it. Still, he had plans to hang out with his friends that day, so he shook his head and finally glanced at his friends, both Khan and Wat wearing little grins on their faces.

Now, what?

“Alright, Akk, what about you?” asked Khan and Akk narrowed his eyes because he didn’t know what the question was. 

Akk blinked at him.

“What?”

Wat whined and rolled his eyes, looking at Khan, who was also shaking his head. 

“Were you really not listening at all to us?” asked Khan and Akk rubbed the back of his neck.

“That’s not it, I think he’s just trying to deflect the question, like always,” said Wat and Khan nodded, while Akk was still pretty much very confused – what kind of a question was he supposed to be deflecting now?

Akk sighed along and glanced around the classroom, which was almost empty now – there were a few more students in there with them and if he turned around to look over his shoulder, he could see that Ayan was there as well. He was sitting in the back of the classroom now, chatting with Thua.

Those two were quite close, huh? 

It sometimes made Akk wonder if Ayan and Thua…

None of his business.

It was absolutely none of his business with whom Ayan hung out. His cheeks reddened a little bit as he caught himself staring at Ayan with the corner of his eye and he quickly turned to Khan and Wat instead. Wat was now pressing his lips together and Khan was shaking his head, which made Akk’s heart sink.

Akk didn’t like the way they were looking at him.

“What?”

“You’re a terrible friend,” whined Wat.

“You were ignoring us again!” snapped Khan, but kept the tone of his voice playful. Akk rolled his eyes and relaxed his shoulders when he saw that his friends were just being… themselves.

Nothing out of the ordinary happened.

“Then the question you wanted to ask me isn’t important,” said Akk, teasing back and Khan sighed along, glancing at Wat, who winked at him. Akk arched an eyebrow and slowly placed the last textbook into his bag, now wondering just what was going through their heads.

“We were just chatting,” said Khan.

“Okay?”

“If you had to ask someone up, who would it be, huh?” asked Wat finally and Akk rolled his eyes because – not again. The two of them were discussing their love lives again and Akk didn’t mind it, but what he minded was the two of them bothering him with useless questions.

That conversation always ended up with Akk feeling like shit as he felt like he just couldn’t be completely like himself around his friends. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to tell them, but he was scared. And it didn’t really help that the two of them were never really serious about it, either.

Always teasing Akk about being… single.

It wasn’t like Akk wanted to be single forever, but they… Just didn’t get it.

“Not this again,” sighed Akk and closed his bag.

“Come on, ” said Wat. “There has to be someone that has caught your attention, mn?” asked Wat and Akk didn’t even notice it himself, but his eyes slowly wandered to the back of the classroom yet again, this time lingering on Ayan a little bit longer than he intended.

Ayan was still talking to Thua, his posture relaxed as he was leaning against the back of the chair, his arms crossed and he had his usual smirk upon his lips. The smirk was a little bit cocky, but Akk couldn’t really read the emotion that was in Ayan’s eyes, feeling like he was missing a part of their conversation.

Not like he wanted to know what the two of them were talking about.

No, that would be weird and creepy.

Just what was he thinking?!

Akk cleared his throat, feeling the tips of his ears heating up. However, Akk felt calm seeing that Ayan was doing fine. After spending the whole afternoon with Ayan on his uncle’s birthday, Akk worried a little bit more about Ayan, but it seemed that Ayan was doing just fine without him.

It was a strange feeling seeing Ayan smile like that at Thua.

Akk was being selfish, he should’ve been happy to see Ayan smiling instead of hurting. And he was happy, he was glad to see that Ayan was now seemingly doing better. 

Just like that, Ayan slowly turned around as well, as if he felt Akk’s gaze on him. Their eyes met and Akk started blinking quickly, feeling a bit lost when he was caught staring at Ayan, whose smirk softened into a smile.

A soft smile. 

Warm.

Calming and soothing.

Ayan chuckled and his eyes sparkled with amusement. He didn’t really know what was going on, but when he saw Akk’s eyes on him, he smiled back at him, pressing his lips together and he sighed happily. Ayan winked quickly and Akk’s eyes widened when he saw that Ayan was again…

Akk’s breath hitched and he quickly forced himself to look away, running his sweaty, clammy hands against his trousers, trying to pretend like he hadn’t been staring like a complete creep.

Akk couldn’t help it, he was just… 

“Akk!” heard Akk and then there was a hand rudely waving in front of his eyes, blocking his view towards Ayan. That was when Akk quickly snapped out of it, gritted his teeth and ignored the way Ayan chuckled.

Akk could hear him.

Damn it.

“Come on, dude, there’s gotta be someone that you’re interested in,” said Wat, slumped in his chair. “A cute girl, maybe?”

Akk sighed and closed his eyes, feeling tired and he shook his head.

“No one,” was all that Akk said, his voice flat and Khan narrowed his eyes.

“No one, really? Come on, you can tell us about it,” said Khan. “If there’s a girl you’re interested in, the two of us will help you out,” said Khan and patted his shoulder, which made Akk tense up, shaking Khan's hand off his shoulder.

Akk wished they would stop assuming.

It made him feel uncomfortable. 

“No,” said Akk and the tension in his shoulders was back. Ayan was able to see that as well, keeping his eyes steady on Akk now. Before, he wasn’t really paying attention to what was being said between the three of them, but now that he saw that Akk was clearly trying to get away, he started listening. 

Akk really hoped that it would be enough to get them off his back.

But, no such luck, huh?

“Are you sure?” asked Wat. “You’re good looking, you could get any girl out there.”

Akk clenched his jaw.

“I just don’t care about that stuff, okay?”

“What does that even mean ? ” asked Khan. 

“You just haven’t met the right girl, but I can help,” said Wat and Akk exhaled, shaking his head.

“No thanks,” grumbled Akk, feeling annoyance rising as he just wanted those two to leave him alone. Akk had plans to hang out with them, but now he wasn’t so sure that he wanted to do that. He would be much rather left alone, gritting his teeth.

It was just a joke, a playful banter between friends. 

Why did he have to always take it so seriously? Akk knew it, he knew all of it and yet he still felt annoyed beyond belief, avoiding making eye contact with Ayan now as he knew that the other one was listening. Probably. Akk decided to ignore those two and just let them be. He didn’t care what they thought about him, he was so done with them. 

“At this rate you’ll be clinging onto your virginity forever,” said Wat and Akk felt his heart sinking to the pit of his stomach.

So what? Akk didn’t need to be in a relationship to be happy. 

Akk didn’t say anything, though. This wasn’t anything new, he was used to the two of them teasing him about it, but why was it that it bothered him more that day than every other time that it happened?! 

Was it because Ayan was now listening?

Akk huffed under his breath and his eyes travelled to Ayan, who was now indeed looking at them. He was no longer chatting to Thua, who was also listening to their conversation, his eyes on Khan and he didn’t look amused. Neither of them did, Ayan also looked annoyed. 

Ayan’s eyes were dark, laced with something… quite dangerous. Akk didn’t recognise that look in Ayan’s eyes and he swallowed thickly, going back to Wat and Khan.

“You know, there’s plenty of girls in my night school-”

“Like I said, I don’t care,” said Akk. 

“We’re just trying to help,” whined Wat.

“I don’t remember asking either of you for help,” muttered Akk and he sighed along. It was obvious to the two of them that he was annoyed as hell. 

“Damn, Akk, no need to get so pressed about it,” said Khan.

“I believe he told you to drop it,” said Ayan as he just couldn’t keep his mouth shut anymore.

Ayan didn’t want to meddle in it, not really. He didn't want to seem too pushy from Akk’s point of view, but enough was enough. The tension between the three of them was rising and he could tell that Akk was getting very uncomfortable, but that was something that those two jerks just didn’t notice, did they?

Wat and Khan didn’t understand. 

Ayan thought Khan would be able to at least…

Guess he was wrong. 

Ayan knew how Akk felt, he was there in his shoes once. A couple of years ago, he knew how tiring and annoying it was when everyone around him just… Assumed things. Things that weren’t true about him, but he felt too weak or scared to say anything.

Ayan knew damn well how it felt, so this was why he was even more annoyed. Akk clearly told them to back off. They should at least do the bare minimum and respect his wishes. Ayan always respected Akk’s boundaries, or at least, he tried to do a better job than these two idiots. 

Akk turned around when he heard Ayan speaking up. Ayan’s voice was low, again laced with the same kind of danger that he sensed in his gaze before. Akk didn’t know what that was all about, gritting his teeth as he shook his head. Akk didn’t need Ayan getting involved as well. 

“Stay out of it,” said Akk and Ayan’s eyes widened.

Stay out of it? 

Ayan felt a bit deflated when Akk glanced at him – that wasn’t the gaze of a friend, but the prefect and he didn’t like it. He liked the other side of Akk, not this cold exterior.

Ayan preferred the real Akk, the person hiding behind this cold mask of perfection. Ayan was still getting to know him, but he knew that Akk was kind, pure hearted – of course he was. If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t spend the whole afternoon with him on uncle Dika’s birthday.

Ayan still didn’t tell Akk how much that meant to him. 

Ayan was grateful, more that he could ever put it into words.

“Yeah,” said Khan. “Stay out of it if you don’t even know what we’re talking about,” he said and Thua raised his eyebrows. Maybe that was a bad choice of words. 

Akk had enough.

Without a warning, he stood up, the chair dragging along the floor, the noise echoing in the almost empty classroom. He grabbed his bag, put it over his shoulder and decided to head out. 

Akk could tell that the other remaining students were now staring, whispering… 

What were they whispering about?

Was it really that weird that he had never been in a relationship?

Did they know?

Why did it have to matter?

“Akk, where are you going?” asked Wat.

“I’m gonna go make rounds,” was all that came to Akk’s mind. 

“I’ll go with you,” said Khan, but Akk stopped him.

“I’ll go alone,” was all that Akk said before he walked over to the door. 

The way across the classroom seemed far too long for Akk’s liking. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him, the whispering getting louder as his heartbeat got faster, but he managed to get out of the classroom just in time before the real panic started setting in. 

Akk shut the door and quickly walked away. 

Akk knew he shouldn’t be angry at them, they were only teasing and joking. This wasn’t about Akk, himself. Akk was annoyed with himself for not being able to be braver, for still hiding the truth. 

If only it was easier… 

Akk really needed to get some fresh air.

Back in the classroom, Ayan stood up as well as he needed to chase after Akk, glaring at Khan and Wat as he didn’t even bother talking to the two of them. The only thing that mattered was catching up with Akk before the other one managed to get too far.

Thua, on the other hand, shook his head after Ayan left the classroom.

“I can’t believe you,” said Thua, his words working like a cold shower. He was looking only at Khan, disappointment clear in his eyes.

“What?” asked Khan, panicked. “What did I do?”

“Really?” asked Thua and crossed his arms over his chest.

Wat narrowed his eyes, now observing the scene unfolding in front of him. Khan looked desperate to explain that what had just happened wasn’t anything serious. This wasn’t the first time they were joking around like this. 

“It was just a joke,” said Khan.

Thua shook his head and stepped back as he started collecting his stuff.

“Jokes are supposed to be funny,” was all that Thua said and Wat whistled next to him.

“Damn, Khan, you managed to piss off two people today. New record,” said Wat and Khan rolled his eyes as he slumped down in his chair, feeling uneasy as he watched Thua leaving the classroom as well.

Akk was sitting in the warm sand, his knees pulled up as his arms were draped around them loosely, staring at the waves hitting against the shore. Akk was just staring, not saying anything. He had been staring at the ocean for over an hour now, not saying anything. 

If Ayan didn’t move every now and then in the sand next to him, he would’ve completely forgotten that the other one was there. 

Akk didn’t know how all of this happened. Again. Akk let Ayan win again.

Ayan managed to catch up with Akk outside of the school pretty much right away after Akk made his way outside. He wanted to return back to his dorm room, but then Ayan suggested going somewhere – so that Akk wouldn’t have to be alone. Akk didn’t know where Ayan wanted to take him, but he knew what this was about. 

Ayan wanted to return him the favour, didn’t he?

Ayan suggested driving to the beach, but Akk didn’t want to go. He was muttering one excuse after the other, but Ayan didn’t buy a single one of them. All that Ayan had to do was look at him the right way and Akk agreed to it pretty much right away. His mind was all jumbled up and perhaps he didn’t want to be alone in his room, stuck editing the video.

Akk wouldn’t get any work done like this, anyway.

So, Akk let Ayan drive him to the beach. They didn’t speak at all on the way there. Honestly, they didn’t speak much ever since getting to the beach. Listening to the waves hitting the shore was somewhat calming to the mind and Akk closed his eyes, tipping his head back a little bit. 

Ayan was sitting next to him in silence. He didn’t push, he didn’t say anything – he was just sitting there. A lot of time had passed, but he was just sitting there patiently as he knew that the last thing that Akk needed right now was someone adding more noise into his head. 

It looked so noisy in there. 

Akk looked like he had a lot on his mind.

The beach was calm and quiet. There weren’t many people there and Akk slowly took a deep breath in as he finally felt his mind slowing down, opening his eyes as his gaze fell upon Ayan, who was observing him and Akk quickly looked away when he saw that Ayan was watching him. 

Still, there was no laughing, no teasing coming from Ayan. 

Akk wanted to break the silence that has been going on for too long. He tilted his head toward Ayan and tried to lighten the mood. Akk couldn’t believe that he again made such a big deal out of something that was essentially just a joke. 

Akk felt bad for acting out in the classroom before.

When he returned, he needed to call Khan and Wat to apologise… 

“Do you always drag people to the beach when they’re in a bad mood?” asked Akk and Ayan let out a surprised chuckle as he finally spoke and he shook his head.

“Nope, only you,” said Ayan and Akk huffed out a breath. He ran his fingers through the soft sand, watching it slip between his fingers and he shook his head. There was that silence again that fell between the two of them.

It felt heavy.

Ayan didn’t like it – he was clearly worried about Akk. Things were shifting, changing between the two of them. Slowly, but gradually, Ayan was starting to care more for Akk. He cared and he was worried. Akk was there for him and now Ayan wanted to be there for Akk as well. 

It wasn’t just about returning the favour, no. 

Ayan wanted to be there as a friend. 

They were friends now, right?

“We don’t have to talk,” said Ayan and his voice was soft. “But, you don’t have to sit here alone either,” said Ayan, hoping that Akk was getting the message across – you don’t have to go through this alone, you can trust me.

Please, trust me. 

“I’m not-” started Akk, but then he stopped himself and he cleared his throat. “I’m fine. It wasn’t a big deal, I overreacted,” said Akk and Ayan felt his throat tightening as he realised that Akk was pushing him away. 

“Maybe it wasn’t to them, but to you-” started Ayan as he wanted Akk to know that his feelings, including his fears, were very valid, but then Akk let out a dry laughter and Ayan’s voice trailed off.

Ayan was doing the same as they were before – assuming things about him. 

“You think you know me?” asked Akk, his voice sharp.

Ayan didn’t say anything for a very long time. Akk made a very good and valid point, but at the same time, he just… Why was it so difficult for Akk to let him in? Ayan loved it when Akk lowered his walls, he wanted to… 

“Maybe not,” said Ayan, his heart leaping to his throat. If he opened up to Akk a bit more, would that be enough for Akk to see that he just wanted to help? Ayan didn’t want to corner Akk, but he just…  “But I know how you feel.”

Those words lingered in the air for a couple of seconds before Akk finally wrapped his head around their meaning. 

Ayan… knew? 

Akk’s heart fell and the walls were rising up even more. 

“Just let it go,” said Akk quickly.

“Akk,” stammered Ayan. “I know- ”

“You don’t know anything,” said Akk and his voice came out too sharp for his liking. He didn’t mean to… To sound like that, but he was scared. 

Akk knew that Ayan knew.

That day at the cafe… he had to know, right? 

Panic spilled over, spiralling out of control and without even knowing it himself, Akk started picking at his thumb, his nail digging into the skin, breaking it right away, but he didn’t even register the pain as he kept going. Streaks of blood trickled to the surface and Akk made a little hiss of discomfort, but he was too last in his mind.

Ayan’s eyes widened when he saw what Akk was doing.

What the…

Shit, he messed up. He pressed Akk too much. Ayan felt like crying, honestly. 

“Akk,” tried Ayan again. 

Akk didn’t reply. 

“Akk,” tried Ayan yet again and Akk swallowed thickly, looking at him, but his finger kept absently picking at the skin around the thumb, the bleeding getting heavier and Ayan quickly wrapped his hands around Akk’s. “Stop this and look at me, huh?”

Akk’s breath hitched and he glanced down at his hands, which were now resting on top of Ayan’s. 

No, no, no. 

Ayan’s arms felt so warm, but the fear of dirtying them with his blood… Akk quickly pulled his hands away, trying to get away, but Ayan didn’t let him. Ayan had a feeling that something terrible would happen if he let Akk get too far, so he gently wrapped his fingers around Akk’s wrist instead. 

“Akk, look at me,” said Ayan.

“I can’t,” said Akk, feeling out of breath.

“Akk, I’ve been there-”

“You don’t have to do this,” whispered Akk. “You don’t have to… feel like you owe me something just because I helped you the other day. I-”

“ God, Akk, is this really what you think this is?!” asked Ayan and raised his voice a little bit. Not because he was angry, but he was frustrated. Akk wasn’t listening, so Ayan gently cupped Akk’s face with both of his hands and made him look up. Ayan was pushing it too far, he was walking on a thin line and he knew it. But he wanted Akk to know that he truly cared. 

“I don’t…”

“I’m here for you as a friend, okay?” asked Ayan and Akk’s eyes snapped to his direction.

Friend? 

Ayan?

Was he?

Akk’s eyes travelled lower, slightly unfocused, but it made sense. As ridiculous and funny as it sounded, Ayan had seen more things about him than his actual friends. Akk had shown Ayan his other side, the side that Khan and Wat didn’t see. Akk swallowed a pained gasp and then he gritted his teeth. 

Akk slowly nodded.

Okay, Ayan was trying to help – like a friend.

Just like Akk did the other day, when Ayan was struggling. There was nothing wrong about that, right? Then it dawned upon Akk that this was different than him helping Ayan, after all. Ayan would find out, he would…

Ayan already knew. 

Ayan was hesitating, but he could tell that Akk was finally listening, so he decided to carry on. What was the worst thing that could happen? 

“Just listen, okay?” asked Ayan and Akk slowly nodded again. Ayan smiled a bit when he saw Akk’s uncertain gaze on him. Akk looked lost, seeking for… comfort, hoping to get it when he’d look up into Ayan’s eyes. “I get you, Akk. God, I get you so much. I know how it feels. It was difficult for me too when I first figured out that I was into guys,” said Ayan and Akk froze when he heard him.

Akk was running out of breath, but he didn’t look away. He sat and listened. 

Ayan was also nervous. He didn’t want to overstep. 

“I know, okay?” asked Ayan. “When you feel like you have this big secret that you can’t tell anyone,” he said. “It can get tiring, suffocating at times because you want to tell others, but at the same time you’re-”

Akk clenched his jaw and looked away. 

“Stop,” whispered Akk.

Ayan’s heart fell a little bit as he sat there next to Akk in silence for a little bit. 

Ayan kept saying that he knew… That he was right there, in Akk’s shoes. Akk swallowed thickly, his throat feeling dry because if that was true, then Akk wanted to… Ask Ayan when did this get better? How did he find enough courage to just be himself? Because Akk felt like he…

“Okay,” said Ayan. Akk told him to stop, so he stopped. “We don’t have to talk about this anymore.”

Akk felt like it would be the end of the world if someone found out, but Ayan knew now and it wasn’t. The world didn’t end. If anything, Akk felt lighter and he gritted his teeth as he didn’t know what to say. What was he supposed to say, anyway? Akk realised that he could feel like this all the time, if he only wasn’t so freaking terrified. 

“I just want you to feel like you can be yourself,” said Ayan and his heart was beating a bit faster when he saw the way that Akk was looking at him. Those eyes were longingly looking at him now and perhaps Ayan’s face felt a bit warmer than before and not because of the sun shining down onto him. “At least when you’re with me. I want you to feel like you can trust me, mn?”

Akk’s eyes travelled over to him – why? 

“Why?” blurted out Akk.

“I don’t know, but I feel like I can trust you and I want you to feel the same,” said Ayan. “I know we’re barely friends, but there’s just something that makes me feel like I can trust you. Maybe it sounds stupid, but-”

“It’s not stupid,” whispered Akk and that was all that he said, but he didn’t find it stupid. If anything, Akk felt the same. Akk felt this strange feeling like he could tell Ayan anything, absolutely anything. And he knew that Ayan wouldn’t judge him. 

“No?” asked Ayan with a smile and Akk shook his head.

“No,” decided Akk and Ayan’s smile widened. 

“Good,” sighed Ayan and licked across his lower lip, while Akk’s eyes slowly travelled over to the ocean and he held in his breath, not allowing himself to breathe quite yet. Not until he asked one final question.

Ayan could tell that Akk was waiting to say something, his thumbs nervously twisting together and Ayan felt a little sting when he saw the dried up blood on the sides of Akk’s thumbs. 

It was… 

“When-” started Akk, but his voice trailed off.

“Hmm?”

Akk’s breath was ragged, his heart pounding against his chest and he heard ringing in his ears. 

“When does it get…” whispered Akk, sounding so small and vulnerable. 

Akk didn’t finish the question, but Ayan knew what he wanted to ask him. Ayan took a deep breath in as he let the question linger in the air for a little while. It wasn’t a question that he could really answer, at least not in a way that could fix things for Akk right away. He wished he could, but it didn’t work like that. The tension in Akk’s shoulders was back.

“It helps having someone you can talk to,” promised Ayan and Akk gulped, but he slowly nodded along. That someone was uncle Dika for Ayan and he wished that he could be someone like that for Akk. If he let him.

Akk’s breath hitched. Could that someone really be Ayan?

With Ayan, he felt at ease.

“You… you can talk to me when things get too much, mn?” asked Ayan, answering the question right away and Akk slowly relaxed when he felt Ayan’s hand resting against his back, slowly leaning into it without even knowing it himself, a little smile formed on his lips. 

It felt natural – trusting Ayan. 

Akk didn’t say anything as his eyes travelled towards the ocean, but he finally managed to calm down, exhaling softly. The nod came a bit later but it was enough for Ayan. 

Ayan could feel things shifting between the two of them as they learned how to depend on each other more, seeking comfort in each other, it was just all very… Familiar to Ayan. Like it had happened before? The kind of comfort, this sort of a connection felt…

It was all very confusing to Ayan, but he liked it.

Ayan was sitting on his bed, wearing a grin on his face as he was yet again texting MoonlightWhispers over the direct messages on Instagram. The two of them were chatting quite frequently and Ayan loved it – he loved chatting with MoonlightWhispers like this, he truly felt like he was someone special.

But, the more that the two of them talked, the more he had a feeling that… he knew him. Truth be told, he always had that feeling; like MoonlightWhispers was someone that knew him, like he had all the answers for him, but lately it was starting to feel… different. 

Ayan just didn’t know how to place it all – it was his wishful thinking, wanting to get to know him more, huh?

Ayan was being ridiculous. He snapped out of it when his phone buzzed and he saw that he had a new text from him.

@Moonlight_for_you

I’ve almost finished editing the new video, hopefully I can get it out by tomorrow~

Ayan smiled and quickly replied back to him.

OMG, we are getting two videos in the same week? 😭

Really, you’re amazing

What’s the video gonna be like? 👀

@Moonlight_for_you

You know I can’t tell you 

Spoilers! 🤫

Don’t be such a tease 😭

Am I not special anymore? 😭

What happened? 😭💔

Ayan had the biggest grin on his face as he sent those  texts and he sighed happily, making himself nice and comfortable on the bed as he waited for the reply to come, and the reply came back within seconds.

@Moonlight_for_you

Be good and wait, good things come to the ones who wait ✨

Ayan snickered.

Am I not always good for you? 🥺

Oh, Ayan knew what he was doing and he could tell that the other started replying to him, then stopped. Then, he was typing again, but then the three dots disappeared again and Ayan’s grin was rising. 

Was someone shy?

Oh, it was a pity he couldn’t see his reaction in real time.

Then, a reply finally came.

@Moonlight_for_you

You can’t just say stuff like that!

Why? Are you blushing? 🥰

@Moonlight_for_you

No! 

No, but I bet you are

You are so cute when you’re flustered 

@Moonlight_for_you

🤣🤣🤣

Shameless~

“Shameless, huh?” asked Ayan and shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck.

Not the first time that he was called that, not the last one either.

The one that called him the last time shameless was… Akk. How funny, yet another coincidence. 

I’m sorry

It was just a joke

I didn’t make you feel uncomfortable, right?

@Moonlight_for_you

No, you’re good ✨

You like it, don’t you?

Me flirting with you? 

@Moonlight_for_you

Maybe? 😼

😭😭😭😭

Can I ask you something?

@Moonlight_for_you

Sure

As long as it’s not something weird 

Lol, no

But… sometimes I feel like we’ve known each other for a long time

I don’t know how to explain it

Do you ever get a feeling like that?

Ayan waited for a response, which came promptly.

@Moonlight_for_you

I get what you mean

It feels natural to talk with you as well

Yeah, it’s like we… Know each other 

@Moonlight_for_you

Destiny? 😏

Ayan smirked.

Maybe ✨

Just another coincidence, perhaps?

There have been a lot of those lately.

Ayan didn’t really know how any of this was supposed to be helpful.

It was a couple of days later, after class and Akk was supposed to help him train judo. Ayan didn’t understand why they had to be training judo at school when they could be doing something more interesting and fun. For example, going over to Ayan’s place and doing something fun there.

But, Akk insisted. 

So, Ayan listened. 

“Remind me – why are we doing this again?” asked Ayan as he stepped closer to Akk, who folded his arms over his chest because – really?

“You need to improve,” said Akk. “I can’t let you fail.”

“Why?” asked Ayan and rolled his eyes.

“It’s my duty as the head prefect that our score doesn't fall behind-”

“ Your duty?” asked Ayan and then he made a pause, shaking his head. “Do you really have to be responsible for everyone in our school?” said Ayan and Akk shrugged as he was already used to it.

“I’m the president of the prefect club. Teacher Chadok chose to trust me for a reason and I cannot fail-”

“It’s messed up, you know? To put so much pressure only on one student. This is supposed to be the teacher’s responsibility not yours, Akk,” said Ayan and Akk sucked in a deep breath, chewing on his lower lip. “Seriously, fuck Chadok,” said Ayan and Akk gave him a stern gaze, looking around.

They were alone, but Ayan could get into serious trouble if one of the teachers happened to hear him.

“Ayan!” said Akk, scolding him with only his gaze. He didn’t have the energy to be fighting. This was supposed to be… fun. Perhaps Akk was looking forward to training with Ayan. 

“Still refusing to use my real nickname, huh?” asked Ayan.

Akk rolled his eyes, but the smile was on his lips. Akk felt the shift between the two of them. He didn’t know when it happened – perhaps at the cafe when he was helping Ayan, or perhaps that day on the beach, but things were different.

Better. 

“Okay, what do you want me to do?” asked Ayan and stepped onto the training mat, standing on the opposite side of Akk.

“Easy,” said Akk and Ayan’s eyes widened when Akk suddenly grabbed onto the collar of his judogi and pulled him closer, the look on his face changing a little bit. Ayan swallowed – Akk looked completely in his element. He looked focused, keeping his eyes steady. “Flip me over.”

Akk grabbed the sleeve of the jacket and pulled Ayan closer.

Ayan choked on his breath when he heard that – flip me over. That paired with how easy it was for Akk to manhandle him on the mat was just…

Akk narrowed his eyes.

“Now what?” asked Akk.

“Nothing,” said Ayan.

“You’re thinking something weird again, aren’t you?” deadpanned Akk.

“No-”

“Ayan!”

“It’s just… ticklish – me flipping you over,” said Ayan under his breath and watched how the tips of Akk’s ears turned red.

“You-” stammered Akk, blood rushing to his cheeks and Ayan snickered because he loved this side of Akk the most. One would never think that Akk was this easily flustered. “Stop that,” said Akk, almost in a whiny and clingy voice.

Ayan’s eyes widened because that sounded familiar.  His eyes landed on Akk’s hands, trying his best to follow without spacing out. He wanted to tease more, but… better not. 

“Let’s get onto it, Tiny,” said Akk once he recovered and Ayan glanced at him, feeling offended. There was a twinkle of amusement in Akk’s eyes, which only motivated Ayan to prove Akk wrong – he was the one who was going to flip Akk over indeed and not the other way around. 

“I’ll make you eat your last words,” said Ayan.

“Oh, I’m waiting,” said Akk and laughed as Ayan tugged on his hands, trying to pay attention to his leg work as the two of them stumbled across the training mat, Akk laughing softly. 

That soft laughter, those little giggles… 

Ayan couldn’t focus on anything else but that.

“You think this is funny, huh?” asked Ayan and Akk shrugged.

“No?”

“Oh, you’re going down,” said Ayan and tried tripping Akk over, but he was too fast, Ayan almost falling over, but he managed to catch himself. 

“Pay attention to your feet,” said Akk.

“I am, ” said Ayan.

“You’re slow,” said Akk and Ayan could tell he was having fun.

“Shut up,” said Ayan, getting frustrated because no matter how much he tried to knock Akk down, it just wasn’t working. Tugging and pulling onto Akk, Ayan smiled because he thought he managed to get somewhere as the other one stumbled back, but then just like that, he lost ground under his feet.

Ayan yelped and suddenly landed on the mat instead, grunting when Akk felt on top of him instead and Ayan huffed under his breath, feeling even more frustrated as he lost. Akk was grinning on top of him, basking in his victory. 

Ayan was about to say something, but then he realised just how close the two of them were. He could feel Akk’s breath against his cheek as the other one leaned a bit to the side.

“I win,” said Akk, his voice low and Ayan was again spiralling. 

The low voice. 

Ayan’s throat went dry, feeling like he was going through deja vu over and over again, his eyes travelling up. Akk’s face was so close, he could count his long eyelashes and Ayan’s breath shook, for a second forgetting what was on his mind before as his brain stopped working.

So close, not close enough. 

Ayan was…

Ayan’s eyes fell down onto Akk’s nose, going to his full, pink lips and when he glanced even lower , he noticed something. A detail that he had never noticed before, not really. 

This was the first time Akk was this close to his face.

Akk had a mole on his chin.

Was it… always there?

Why did it feel so familiar?

Ayan’s fingers gripped at Akk’s waist without even knowing, his heart beating faster as all the missing pieces slowly started falling into the correct place. Akk let out a startled gasp when Ayan moved him closer. Ayan was staring up at him, not moving, not saying anything. 

Ayan felt a weird feeling going up his spine.

“Are you okay?” asked Akk, his voice barely a whisper. 

Ayan didn’t reply.

The mole.

The voice. 

It all felt just so freaking familiar.

Coincidence .

Just another coincidence?! 

How… How many has it been so far?!

Ayan’s mind was going a hundred miles per hour as he was staring up at Akk, trying to think about this rationally, but he couldn’t seem to snap out of it. 

No, no, it couldn’t be possible… could it?

Chapter Text

Akk was sitting in his dorm room, staring blankly at the blinking cursor on his computer screen. Akk was supposed to be working on a script for his new video, but he was too damn distracted that day. It was still morning, Akk’s classes were about to start soon. Akk didn’t even know why, but he woke up very early that morning. Since he had some spare time, he wanted to work on the script for his new video.

Akk had a whole list of ideas for his future videos and he really needed to start working on writing them down, but he wasn’t. There were too many things going on in his head and he sighed, leaning back against his chair, eyes travelling over to his phone. 

Akk kept checking his phone every minute or so.

This was getting embarrassing.

Still, he couldn’t help it and he quickly grabbed his phone, unlocking the screen and he immediately went to the direct messages on Instagram and he tapped onto @halfawake ’s name and he rubbed his forehead because the other one still didn’t reply to his message.

Then again, it had only been ten minutes since he sent it. 

The other didn’t even read it yet.

Akk’s cheeks reddened as he read the messages that he sent, rubbing his forehead.

Thank you for recommending me to do a let’s play video of that Unpacking game

I didn’t expect the video to do so well, but people really seem to be into it!

And the game is so relaxing 🥰

Really, thank you!

I hope you liked the video too, lol

The thing was – Akk uploaded the video last night and he usually got @halfawake ’s opinion on a new video that he would upload right away, the very same night. The other one always made sure to watch the whole video before giving him his opinion, so Akk was now waiting for the same thing to happen. Especially, since this was a video idea from @halfawake . Well, kind of. It was a video suggestion that Akk decided to run with as he liked the game a lot. 

It was supposed to be a surprise – he didn’t let him know what the new video was about.

But, so far… nothing? 

Akk clicked with his tongue because he knew that he was overthinking and he pressed his lips together.

Maybe he didn’t like the video? 

Did he make the gameplay too boring?

But, Akk really liked the Unpacking game that he was recommended to play. It was a puzzle game and very simple – all that you had to do was unpack boxes and put objects from them onto a place you deemed that fit. That was all and Akk made sure that he added layered sounds in the background of the video for more tingles.

Akk was whispering positive affirmations while playing the game, every now and then making a little comment about the gameplay, but that was about it. It was a cosy game and he was glad that people liked it. People were surprised in the comments to see a different video coming from MoonlightWhispers, but in a good way.

It was a good way to keep things fresh, not stale.

“He’s probably just busy,” said Akk to himself.

Akk knew that @halfawake was the same age as him, so he was probably busy with school or something like this, but Akk still felt a little bit deflated, putting the phone down as this was getting  ridiculous.

Acting like a lovesick fool! 

It was really good that nobody could see him!

“Focus, Akk!” said Akk to himself and gently tapped his own cheeks, clearing his throat because he needed to really start working, cracking his knuckles as he straightened himself up and took a small sip of his water, rubbing his palms together as he slowly placed his hands on top of the keyboard. 

Akk tipped his head to the left, then to the right, finally getting to it.

So, he finally started typing.

‘Hello and welcome back to my channel. First, let’s take a deep breath and just exhale… ‘

Akk paused and glanced at the sentence, shaking his head.

Something just didn’t… click.

That was why he deleted the sentence and tried again.

‘Hello, how are you today? Welcome back to my channel. Tonight, we will all relax with some…’

Again, delete. 

Akk’s eyes were on his phone again, making a little noise of frustration. His heart was hammering against his ribcage and it was so damn obvious that he was missing him. 

It was all so ridiculous.

That was why Akk stood up, took his phone and turned off both data and Wi-fi connection – that way, he wasn’t getting any new notifications about @halfawake sending him a new direct message, placing the phone back onto the desk next to him and he closed his eyes.

The phone was still there – staring at him, telling him that @halfawake was too busy now to be talking to him and Akk just let out a groan of frustration, pulling on his hair as he stood up, went over to the nightstand and opened the drawer. Akk placed the phone inside and closed the drawer, turning away from it.

“There,” said Akk, rubbing the back of his neck as he was sitting again, giving writing another try.

‘Hello and welcome back. If this is your first time finding my channel, then welcome. I hope you will enjoy today’s video. Tonight is all about soft and calming triggers to help us relax after a long day. Soft and soothing triggers, making you feel safe and warm. The feeling of coming back home. The feeling of the way light catches in someone’s eyes when they’re laughing. Warm, impossible to look…‘

Akk’s fingers slowed down with the typing and he was now staring at the screen again, staring at what he had just written, pressing his lips together and his cheeks were heating up.

“The feeling of the way light catches in someone’s eyes when they’re laughing?” asked Akk and he groaned because – what the hell was this?! “Warm and impossible to look away from!”

Akk’s voice got high pitched and he shook his head again because there was someone in his mind when he was writing about warmth in a person’s eyes.

Ayan!

Freaking Ayan! 

When he typed that out, his mind was focused on the way Ayan’s eyes lit up when he was smiling. Warm and soothing to the soul. Akk liked the way Ayan was smiling with his eyes, his looks really were…

Akk let out a defeated groan and he dropped his face into his palms.

“What the hell is wrong with me today?” whined Akk because thinking about how pretty and sparkly Ayan’s eyes were made him feel all fuzzy inside, which wasn’t supposed to be happening.

Wasn’t Ayan his friend?! 

Why did he…

What? He had a crush on Ayan, too?!

“Nope, no, no, no,” said Akk and patted his cheeks lightly, shaking his head.

No, this was just because of the talk they had at the beach the other day.

And then the judo training.

They were just spending a lot of time together. Since Akk had that little falling out with his friends and things were awkward between the three of them, Akk was hanging out with Ayan more, so this was it… right?

But, Ayan’s eyes were so pretty.

So warm when he would look at him. When he got serious or angry – just like the day that he tried to protect him from Wat and Khan – they got all dark and dangerous, but not in a way that Akk disliked. And then when Ayan was excited or up to something, they were literally sparkling. Twinkling mischievously. 

Who the hell was Akk even trying to convince anymore?! 

Just to think that not too long ago, Akk couldn’t even stand Ayan and yet now he was there, thinking about all fifty shades of Ayan’s eyes? Embarrassing.

“Please, stop,” whined Akk, his voice small and defeated.

What was he supposed to do?!

Akk knew he was crushing on  @halfawake, but now he had a crush on Ayan as well?!  

Akk had a crush on two people at the  same time and the worst of all? Akk felt stressed and guilty.

Was this what two-timing felt like?

“I need help,” whined Akk and pressed his forehead against the surface of his desk, shaking his head.

Akk needed all the help that he could get!

Ayan woke up, his entire body feeling sluggish and heavy as he slowly opened his eyes, still feeling out of it. Ayan didn’t know what time it was, but he wasn’t going to school that day. It was probably a bit later than he thought, the lights in his room still dimmed as the curtains were still covering the windows and he slowly rolled onto his back, looking up at the ceiling, feeling exhausted, trying to shake off that terrible feeling that was there since last evening. 

The weight pressing down his chest…

Ayan went to bed early last night because he was tired. Physically, he was fine, but mentally he was just exhausted. That was why he decided to go to bed early, hoping that by the time that the morning came, he would feel better. 

Ayan didn’t know what brought this on. It just… happened. Ever since his uncle passed, days like that just happened. Days like that were starting to become less frequent, which was good, but whenever it happened, Ayan still felt completely out of it. 

At night, nightmares crept back again. 

Ayan didn’t remember the dreams in detail, but he knew that he was dreaming about Dika. He saw his uncle’s face in his dreams. He was smiling, telling him something important, but Ayan couldn’t hear him. Ayan just couldn’t seem to remember the sound of his voice. His uncle’s mouth was moving, but the sound was distorted.

Ayan woke up from his nightmares screaming, his mom by his side immediately. She held onto him throughout the night, hugging him until he stopped shaking. Ayan was glad that she was there, she stayed with him through the entire night, hugging him even after Ayan fell back into a restless slumber.

Ayan didn’t feel well, so he decided to stay home.

His mother took time from work as well – she was worried about him, of course she stayed home with him. 

Ayan sighed under his breath and turned to his side, searching for his phone. He could see a new text from Thua, asking him why he wasn’t in school, but he felt too tired to answer, pressing his lips together when he saw a notification that he had new direct messages from MoonlightWhispers as well.

That… made his heart skip a little bit.

@Moonlight_for_you

Thank you for recommending me to do a let’s play video of that Unpacking game

I didn’t expect the video to do so well, but people really seem to be into it!

And the game is so relaxing 🥰

Really, thank you!

I hope you liked the video too, lol

Ayan sighed and then he chewed on his lower lip.

Right, the video. 

Ayan remembered being very excited about it. He mentioned that the video was a little bit different from the usual ones that he recorded. He wouldn’t tell him what it was about, but was very excited about it. Ayan was eager to watch it, but instead he…

Ayan’s fingers hesitated for a little while, tempted to write back a reply, but then he shook his head because no. That… Ayan wanted to watch the video first. And honestly, watching a new video from MoonlightWhispers after the night that he had was almost a blessing.

Ayan checked onto the rest of his notifications and tapped onto the one that said that there was a new video uploaded. When he read the title of the video, Ayan’s eyes widened because…

ASMR Let’s Play: Unpacking 🎮 | Soft spoken 

Ayan blinked a few times and he narrowed his eyes – wait, what? 

That was quite a surprise because MoonlightWhispers has never done a gaming video before, but more than that it was a game that he kept rambling about in their direct messages. He suggested the game to the other one, telling him that it would be maybe a good idea for a video, but he didn’t really think too much of it?

And now… There was a video about it?

That made his heart flutter and just to make sure he tapped onto the description of the video, his eyes widening when he saw that MoonlightWhispers mentioned his username in it, letting others know that he was the one who was behind the idea for the video and Ayan chewed on his lower lip.

That helped him to forget the storm inside of his head for a little bit, distracting him from the terrible, awful nightmares.

Ayan quickly leaned over to the side, grabbed his earpods, connected them to his phone and slipped them into his ears. Now, he was very eager to watch the video, biting on his lower lip. Before he pressed onto the video, he listened for a little while and he could hear muffled sounds of his mother – she was talking to someone. 

Ayan huffed and shook his head.

The video – that he inspired!

Tapping on the video, Ayan made himself nice and comfortable. Despite everything, Ayan felt a rush of excitement, swallowing thickly. He still felt exhausted, but at least for the next 34 minutes and 23 seconds he could forget all about what was bothering his restless mind.

The video set up was a bit different than what Ayan was used to.

The only part of MoonlightWhispers that was visible were his hands. The camera was pointed down, showing a tablet, the game already ready. 

Ayan finally pressed play.

“ Hello, everyone, ” heard Ayan and he turned up the volume, sighing happily because he could hear the layered sounds in the background already – the soft crackle of a fireplace somewhere not too far away and he dragged his teeth over his lower lip. “ Tonight’s video will be a little bit different. I will be playing a game. I don’t really know much about games in general, but this one was recommended by no other than half-awake. ”

Ayan’s lips curled up into a little smile. 

If he listened just a little bit more carefully, he could hear…

MoonlightWhispers ’ fingers were holding a tablet pen and a gentle tapping of the pen against the screen of the tablet filled Ayans’ ears.

Tap. 

Tap.

Tap.

Each tap was slow, calming, cosy, matching the rhythm of the rest of his videos. Ayan’s eyes were glued to the screen as he watched how the other one’s fingers delicately guided the pen over the screen, finally starting the game and Ayan smiled as he listened and watched the video going on. His smile faltered a bit because he saw that he was wearing bandaids again, telling a little story how chaos in the kitchen happened again before he went on with the game.

MoonlightWhispers found the game cosy as well, slowly unpacking the first box, putting objects in place. The layered sounds from the background mixed with the gentle tapping on the screen. All of it blended so perfectly as he rambled on, making little amused sounds as he played the game.

Ayan’s body relaxed, shoulders dropping. 

Ayal could easily fall asleep like this. He didn’t get much sleep that night, so…

Ayan felt his eyes slowly closing, feeling cocooned and safe, but then his eyes shot open when he placed one of the objects into the wrong place and he giggled. 

The exact same giggle that he heard while he was training judo the other day.

Damn it… again.

Ayan frowned as he continued listening. The more that he listened, the more his suspicions started creeping back in. It wasn’t a whispered video, it was a soft spoken one, so he could hear his voice more clearly and he blinked a few times.

Akk.

All he heard was Akk’s voice.  

It sounded just like Akk’s voice – how couldn’t he notice it sooner?

It’s been days since Ayan was playing with this idea – that MoonlightWhispers was Akk. He always felt like he had known him, but was this why? Was it because he was actually Akk?

But, it couldn’t be… right?

Ayan didn’t know. The idea of Akk being the one behind this channel was kind of ridiculous at first. Ayan couldn’t really see Akk being into ASMR, let alone filming videos. That was why he decided that he was probably only imagining things. That it was his wishful thinking, reading too much into it.

But, was it really?

Ayan went through some of the videos over and over again and he swore that it was Akk. The way he laughed, the way he said certain words, dragging them out at certain times – all like Akk! Not to mention the mole on his chin – Akk had one, too! 

 All of the evidence was pointing at no other, but Akk.

But, like, what were the chances?!

Ayan was watching the video again, his eyes carefully on those long fingers and he swallowed thickly because he suddenly made yet another connection. The connection that was not to light on his heart, feeling his heart slowly sinking, but… What if the bandaids that MoonlightWhispers wore in his videos weren’t really there to hide the clumsiness of his kitchen endeavors? 

What if… 

Akk had that terrible habit that he would do. Ayan saw it twice – he saw Akk’s thumbs bleeding on the day that he made it out of Chadok’s office and then the other day on the beach, when Akk was practically hurting himself to calm himself down and… 

What if–

The bandaids that he wore in the videos were cute, to hide the truth? 

Ayan never really questioned it – MoonlightWhispers was kind of clumsy, in the very best and adorable ways possible. So, it made kind of sense that he was clumsy in the kitchen as well, but what if it was all just a lie? What if this was Akk just  trying to not make his viewers worry? 

Ayan never caught Akk wearing bandaids like that at school, but the place where he wore the bandaids in the video, fit the place where Akk–

Ayan’s head was spinning because he was now pretty sure that MoonlightWhispers and Akk were the same person, but it wasn’t enough. Ayan needed more… he needed more solid evidence than just a bunch of coincidences? At the end of the day, that was all that it could be – just a bunch of coincidences.

Ayan found it kind of difficult to believe. 

Still, he didn’t want to overwhelm Akk in any shape, way or form. 

If they were the same person, then Akk had his reasons to keep his identity a secret. It wasn’t that – Ayan wasn’t after this. He just needed to know for his own sake. 

Ayan needed to prove to himself that Akk and MoonlightWhispers really were or weren’t the same person. How he was supposed to achieve that was something that he still needed to work on.

But, if it  turned out that they were the same person then… Maybe he wished that they were the same person?

There was too much going on in Ayan’s mind at the same time, rubbing his forehead, but he was enjoying the video anyway. Ayan made sure to watch the video closely until the very end and when he reached the end of it, he felt better. Ayan felt like he could finally exhale, pressing his lips together, quickly tapping onto Instagram as he needed to let him know that he enjoyed the new video!

Ayan loved it. 

If he thought about it too much, how happy he was that there was a whole video dedicated to him, he could feel himself tearing up. That was why Ayan just shook his head and started writing back his reply.

Just watched the video 

Ayan gulped, hesitating before he started writing more. 

I loved it, really

And wow, the whole video is practically dedicated to me?

I might start thinking I’m your muse 😌✨

Ayan liked flirting like this, but he wanted to add more. Something more substantial, more serious as he wanted MoonlightWhispers (Akk) to know how much he actually appreciated this. 

I didn’t have the best night, but you just made my morning so much better

Thank you, you’re the best 🥺💜

Ayan smiled and was about to put the phone away. If this really was Akk, then he wouldn't be replying to him right away. It was almost 10 am, so Akk was in class – now they would be having English with teacher Sani. And Akk never texted in class! That was why he felt beyond surprised when he saw that his messages were read.

So… it wasn’t Akk?

Ayan blinked, but waited for the other one to reply back.

@Moonlight_for_you

Oh!

I am glad you liked it 🥰

What happened, are you not feeling well? 

Ayan licked across his lower lip – he didn’t want to tell the truth to worry him too much, so he…

Yeah, I think I’m coming down with a cold

This is why I didn’t watch the video last night, I fell asleep too soon 😭😭

But really – thank you

Ayan bit his lip and saw that the other one was typing out quite a long message? It took a while  for Ayan to get the reply back.

@Moonlight_for_you

Oh, no 🥺

Make sure you rest, okay?

I’ll be okay, it’s just a cold~

@Moonlight_for_you

Still~

Is there somehow I can cheer you up? 😼✨

Ayan chuckled.

Could this really be Akk? He really couldn’t picture him talking like this to someone, but then again there were still so many things that he had yet to learn about Akk, so he didn’t cross out the possibility yet.

Ayan liked this tongue and cheek conversation, so he replied back, matching the energy.

There’s a way you can cheer me up 😌

@Moonlight_for_you

Oh-ho, how? 

Do something cute for me 🥺

Please? 😚🎀

Ayan waited for a little, wondering if he pushed it too far. The reply took a while to arrive, but Ayan buried his face into a pillow when he received a gif of a kitten yawning and falling asleep. He wanted to scream.

@Moonlight_for_you

[Attachment]

This is me right now, bored in class 🥺

How are you this adorable, huh?! 😭😭😭

Ayan was sure he was going to lose it. 

Ayan shook his head and then the door of his room opened and he glanced up. Ayan was sporting one of the biggest grins he could  ever muster and his mother visibly relaxed. Her shoulders relaxed and she exhaled.

“Mom,” said Ayan.

“You’re up,” she said softly. “I was just about to ask you if you wanted some breakfast,” she said, keeping the tone of her voice soft and calm. The worry was still on her face, but seeing her son smile like this made her calm down, even if it was just for a little bit. 

Ayan smiled and sat up, his mom sitting on the edge of the bed, placing her hand against his forehead.

“How are you, sweetie?”

“Better,” admitted Ayan.

“You seem like you’re in a good mood – something happened?” she asked and Ayan nodded eagerly. “Mind sharing with me?”

“Moonlight made a video for me,” whispered Ayan and his mom’s eyes widened.

“Really?”

“Look-”

“Oh, you’ve got to show me,” she said and Ayna slowly moved to the side, so that his mom could come closer. As Ayan was slowly scrolling through his phone to find the video, he didn’t notice how his mom’s smile shifted a little bit. She closed her eyes for a second or two, sighing in relief again and she draped her arms around his shoulders and pressed a kiss against his temple. 

Ayan glanced at her.

“Mom, I really am feeling better,” said Ayan and she nodded, fighting the tears of relief and she just nodded.

“I know,” she said and huffed. “So, the video, yes?”

“Yes, right here,” said Ayan, rewatching the whole video again with his mom by side. She didn’t let go of him, not even for a second. 

“So… does this mean we’re cool now?” asked Khan carefully and Akk didn’t miss how his eyes kept travelling somewhere to the back of the classroom and he narrowed his eyes. Akk glanced towards the way that Khan has been looking this entire time now and he was amused to see that the person that Khan kept looking at was no other than Thua.

Khan looked stressed.

“Yeah, we didn’t mean to upset you, man,” said Wat. “We apologise, mn?”

Akk, who was holding his bag over his shoulder, smiled and he slowly nodded along. The classes had ended for the day and after the last period, Wat and Khan decided to approach him to finally end this tension between them. Neither of the three of them liked it, Akk missed hanging out with his friends, so he was glad that all this misunderstanding was cleared up.

Wat and Khan felt bad and apologised for it. 

Akk forgave them right away – he realised that his friends didn’t mean to be jerks, they just lacked self-awareness at times. So, everything was cleared up and Khan huffed in relief, quickly looking away from Thua. Akk looked over his shoulder and he saw a smile on Thua’s lips. It was small, but it was there.

“Yeah, we’re cool,” said Akk and smiled when Wat draped an arm over his shoulder.

“Finally,” whined Khan and Akk pressed his lips together.

“We promise not to be jerks about it again,” said Wat.

“We solemnly swear,” said Khan and Akk chuckled, shaking his head.

“Yeah, yeah, ” said Akk, but his smile disappeared when his eyes wandered over to Ayan’s desk – empty. Ayan didn’t show up to class that day and Akk was worried. A little bit. Perhaps more than a little bit, but it wasn’t like he missed Ayan or anything like that.

It was just…

“All good?” asked Khan and Akk nodded as he snapped out of it and nodded.

“Mn,” said Akk and then he rubbed the back of his neck, huffing under his breath. 

That day Akk wasn’t really acting like himself. First, he was texting in the middle of teacher Sani’s class – both Khan and Wat could see him – and now he was spacing out again. Wat was about to ask him what happened, but Akk slowly stepped over to Thua as he had a question for him.

Thua and Ayan were close – maybe he knew why Ayan didn’t come to school. 

“Thua?” asked Akk and the other one glanced up at him.

“Can I help you?”

“Well,” said Akk and hesitated, pressing his lips together. “You and Ayan are close, right?” asked Akk and Thua shrugged.

“I mean, we’re good friends,” said Thua and Akk nodded. “Why?”

“I just wondered… Did he tell you why he didn’t come to class today?”

“Ah,” said Thua and nodded. “Yeah, he texted me this morning. He’s not feeling well, so he decided to stay home.”

Akk’s heart sank and he slowly nodded.

“Oh.”

That was all that Akk said, pressing his lips together – first @halfawake ’s cold and now Ayan wasn’t feeling well. What was this?! Akk thanked Thua for the information and as he didn’t know what to say after that, he just stepped back to his desk, but his mind was filled with many questions, now feeling even worse.

Well. He managed to cheer @halfawake up before, so maybe he could cheer Ayan up as well… somehow. 

Gosh, this really felt like two-timing. 

Having two crushes at the same time wasn’t easy. Well, Akk wasn’t sure if he was crushing on Ayan in the first place, anyway. Akk gently ruffled his hair and he wondered if it would be too much if he decided to drop by Ayan’s place to check up on him. Akk was a little bit worried, especially since he knew that Ayan was home alone pretty much all the time. His mom always worked long hours, so… 

But to just drop by without announcing it beforehand…

Akk’s cheeks reddened.

Well, he was the school’s prefect, so he could drop by as the prefect, just bringing the needed notes from that day! 

That sounded like a plan that Akk decided to stick and run with!

Ayan was standing in front of Ayan’s place, feeling a little bit uncertain about the whole thing. He was there to bring Ayan notes. But, then why was it that he was holding a small bag in which there were a few snacks?! 

Akk stopped at the store on his way there, thinking that maybe Ayan could be hungry? Akk didn’t know, but he put way too much thought into it and he cleared his throat. Overthinking was getting him nowhere, so he quickly rang the doorbell and stepped back a little bit, waiting.

The door soon opened.

Akk was expecting to see Ayan, but a woman opened the door and he blinked a few times. 

Ayan’s mom? 

Akk hesitated for a little while because he was so sure that Ayan was home alone, but then he sighed and bowed his head down, politely greeting the woman. Ayan’s mother didn’t really know who the teen in front of her was, but he was wearing the same school uniform that Ayan had, so…

“Good afternoon. I’m, uh, I’m Ayan’s classmate,” said Akk as he placed his hands together as he bowed his head.

Ayan’s mother gave him a slightly surprised look, but then she smiled softly.

“Oh, you’re from Aye’s school?”

“Yeah,” said Akk quickly. “I’m bringing him notes since he wasn’t in school today,” he said and gripped onto the strap of his school bag. 

The woman nodded in agreement. 

“Aye isn’t feeling well right now,” she said softly and Akk’s heart sank deeper. “Why don’t you step inside, okay? And I’ll check up if he’s up to have a visitor,” she said and Akk slowly nodded, following the woman inside. She took him into the living room, Akk holding his breath back all this time.

This was fine, right? 

“Sit down, please,” she said. “I’ll check if he’s up.”

Akk nodded and watched how Ayan’s mom made her way over to Ayan’s room, Akk waiting for her in the living room. He didn’t dare to sit down, he just stood there and hoped that Ayan wanted to see him.

There was a knock on the door of Ayan’s room – there he was aimlessly scrolling through his phone and he glanced up, giving his mom a little smile when he saw that she was there to check up on him. 

“Up from your nap?” 

Ayan yawned and nodded.

“Mn,” said Ayan, feeling a bit more refreshed after the nap.

“Someone from your school is here to see you,” she said and Ayan sat up.

“Who?” asked Ayan. It was probably Thua, though he didn’t say anything about coming over. Ayan was tired, so he wasn’t really sure if he was in the mood to–

“He says his name is Akk,” she replied and Ayan’s eyes doubled in size.

“Akk?!” asked Ayan and she nodded. Akk was there? Right now? 

“Yes, I wasn’t sure if you were in the mood to see anyone right now, so I told him to wait in the living room.”

“Oh, I’m in the mood,” said Ayan and he could see how his mother smiled. “Tell him to come to my room,” said Ayan, but then he stood up and glanced down – he needed to change. “Wait, give me five minutes to change and then tell him to come to my room!” said Ayan, suddenly feeling alive and all his mom could do was nod and smile. 

Ayan’s mother was happy – her son finally found a good friend at the new school. 

Ayan was sitting on his bed, crossed legged and was lazily eating cookies that Akk brought – he brought quite a few snacks, but Ayan settled for cookies in the end. Akk was watching him eat, sitting on the edge of Ayan’s bed, not really daring to shift any closer. Ayan decided not to push it either and he sighed happily because he was really glad that Akk was there. 

The notes, the real reason why Akk was there… allegedly, were long forgotten, tossed somewhere on Ayan’s desk. Right now, they were more busy talking about what was on their mind. Ayan had told him the real reason why he missed school that day, but he also made sure to tell Akk that he felt a bit better.

There were many reasons for that – first the video and now Akk dropping by.

Akk was completely stiff at first when he sat down on Ayan’s bed, but then he slowly relaxed, chewing on a dried mango, trying to pretend like his mind wasn’t focused solely on one thing – that he was sitting on Ayan’s bed. 

“So, did you miss me?” asked Ayan out of the blue. Akk stopped in the middle of chewing his food and he glanced at him, rolling his eyes, but the smile remained on his lips. 

Akk was glad Ayan was in the mood to joke around like this. 

“What?” asked Akk, shoving the rest of the mango into his mouth.

“Well, you came all the way here to see me,” said Ayan and gently nudged Akk with his knee.

“I’m here to bring you notes,” was all that Akk said. 

“Yeah, but you’re not denying it,” said Ayan and leaned closer, his eyes twinkling mischievously. Akk leaned back a bit because he was sure his heart wasn’t equipped to handle Ayan being so close. “So, does that mean you’ve missed me? Just a little bit?”

Akk held his breath, his face heating up.

Akk wanted to deny it, but telling Ayan the truth would make him happy. And the truth was…

Akk nodded. Painfully slowly, but he did it and his heart was about to jump out of throat. Ayan was also surprised when he saw Akk nodding, admitting to missing him?! 

Fuck, Akk was so cute. 

And in that exact moment, Ayan could actually see it – Akk and MoonlightWhispers being the same person. Both shy, adorable, but honest. Akk needed a little push, but seeing him like this just made…

Oh, God, please let them be the same person.

Ayan couldn’t shake that feeling off. Ayan was now wishing, hoping that they could be the same person. His eyes slowly fell lower, now on Akk’s hands, which were resting in his lap. Akk’s fingers fidgeted a bit when Ayan shifted closer again. 

The wounds were pretty much healed, but the placement of the wounds was the same as where the bandaids were in the video.

Ayan felt like he was losing his mind. 

“How much did you miss me?” asked Ayan.

“Don’t push it, Tiny,” said Akk and Ayan chuckled.

“Well, how much?” asked Ayan and brought his face very close to Akk’s, blinking up at him, enjoying the forming flush upon Akk’s cheeks. Too damn cute. “Mn?”

“Ayan!”

“Well?”

“Aye,” whined Akk with a small, clingy voice that Ayan had heard before, but this wasn’t what made him halt. Oh, no, no. It was a completely different thing now. It was the way Akk called him – Aye. 

Finally, Akk called him by his nickname. For the longest of times, Ayan had been whining for Ayan to call him Aye, but Akk was too stubborn to do that. And now – just like that – it slipped out? Oh, Ayan loved it. He really loved the way Akk said his name. Small, cute and whiny.

Ayan liked it. 

God, couldn’t he and Moonlight be the same person?!

Ayan was going to lose it if he wasn’t correct about his assumptions. 

“What now?” asked Akk with clear confusion in his voice – he didn’t realise what had just slipped out? Oh, that was even more… 

“You just called me Aye, ” said Ayan and Akk choked on his breath.

“No, I didn’t.”

“You did,” said Ayan.

“I didn’t-”

“Oh, but you have,” said Ayan again, enjoying this tug and pull.

“Did… Did I?” asked Akk, unsure now, and Ayan happily nodded. 

“Do it again,” said Ayan. “Please?”

“Stop that,” said Akk when he saw Ayan batting his eyelashes at him, looking quite ridiculous, perhaps in a cute way. 

“Mn?”

“Stop-”

“Not until you call me Aye again,” said Ayan and kept his eyes on Akk, who was now having a difficult time saying no to him. It was really ridiculous, but at the same time, he just…

“Aye, stop it,” said Akk, keeping his voice small and shy. 

Too. Damn. Cute.

Ayan was so gone. 

How couldn’t he see the similarities sooner?! Yes, Akk’s exterior was cold as the prefect, but he was a warm and soft person on the inside. He cared tremendously for other people around him. He was cute and playful when he wanted to be. Hanging out with him felt like being hugged by a warm and soft blanket – those were all the characteristics of MoonlightWhispers as well!

Ayan couldn’t unsee it now. 

And the way Akk was looking at him… Ayan should be the only one who was allowed to get a look like this from Akk. Eyes locked, those big round eyes at full attention and… Ayan smacked himself across the forehead mentally.

Ayan didn’t own Akk’s glances, this was ridiculous.

Oh, Ayan knew he had it down bad for Akk. 

“Hey, Akk?” asked Ayan and Akk glanced towards him. 

“Mmm?”

“Thank you for being here,” said Ayan. “ Again. ”

Akk shrugged.

“I didn’t really do much, I just-”

Akk didn’t finish the sentence as he felt Ayan’s warm hand slipping into his own and for a second or two he was sure that he was yelling, but then Akk realised that that yelling was only happening in his head. 

“You’re amazing, Akk,” sighed Ayan and Akk’s fingers fidgeted as he didn’t know what to do. Akk panicked when Ayan was about to pull his hand away, curling his fingers around Ayan’s automatically and the other one smiled. He didn’t feel like teasing, so he just tugged Akk a bit closer.

“I-” whispered Akk.

“Your hand feels very warm, Big Foot,” sighed Ayan happily.

A sheepish smile spread across Akk’s lips, but despite being shy, he didn’t let go off Ayan’s hand for a long time.

Chapter Text

It was particularly hot that day and Ayan didn’t feel like doing anything, but because this was the second day that he showed up without his homework at class, Akk decided that enough was enough. Akk decided to take matters into his own hands, to make sure that Ayan would work on his homework for tomorrow, so he dragged Ayan to Cafe for All, where the two of them could work on homework.

Ayan didn’t whine, he didn’t complain, he just… agreed. 

Akk was surprised and he wasn’t sure if it was a good or a bad thing because he expected there to be a lot of whining. So, there had to be a catch, right? Ayan feigned innocence, saying that it would help him focus better if the two of them worked on their homework together and for a split moment, Akk actually believed him.

That was until the two of them got to the cafe. They were at the cafe for about half an hour, but all that Ayan managed to do for the entire time was stare at Akk, while he was working on his homework. At first, Akk was a little bit flustered with all of the staring, but eventually, he got annoyed.

Not in a bad way.

Akk was annoyed, but in a playful manner. 

Ayan was playing with his pencil as he glanced to the side, his eyes on Akk, who was now standing in line as he wanted to order himself a new drink and since Ayan was always the opportunist, he asked Akk to bring him a new drink as well. Since it was hot, the two of them finished their drinks pretty much right away, Ayan pressing his lips together as his eyes travelled over to Akk’s notebook and he curiously perked up.

Akk had finished his English homework already! 

Ayan decided to take a closer look, not because he wanted to copy the homework, but as soon as he got too close to the notebook, he could feel Akk’s eyes on him. Akk scowled when he saw Ayan leaning closer to his notebook, crossing his arms over his chest and he shook his head, giving the other one a stern look. No matter how close they have gotten, there was still one aspect that Ayan couldn’t sway Akk the other way.

School.

Akk was very serious about school and Ayan respected it. But, he loved teasing Akk more, so he just pouted and leaned back against his chair, keeping his eyes steady on Akk, who was currently last in line, which wasn’t really that long.

“ Traitor ,” mouthed Ayan and Akk smiled, shaking his head.

Ah… That smile. 

Warmer than the sun.

Ayan wanted to see more of it, dragging his tongue over his lower lip and he cleared his throat. Ayan couldn’t really focus on doing homework, even if he wanted to. It was getting ridiculous, but his mind was completely consumed by Akk and MoonlightWhispers. The fact that they were indeed the same person was just the icing on the cake.

Ayan didn’t know what to do with that information. 

But, it just made him fall for Akk even harder. 

To see that the person, who was bringing him comfort for months now was there, within his reach was just… Insane, in a good way. God, Ayan wanted to tell Akk about it, he wanted to let him know that he was halfawake, but he just didn’t know how to go around it without scaring Akk away. There was also the possibility of Akk feeling angry or betrayed by all of this. 

Would Akk even be able to believe that all of this was just a weird coincidence? 

It was…

Oh, Aye was so annoying. 

That was the first thought that crossed Akk’s mind as he watched Ayan messing around again, but he wasn’t truly annoyed. Akk was in a good mood – he was going to spend the entire afternoon with Ayan. After all, he had three days worth of homework to finish and catch up with the rest of the class and Akk was the one responsible for Ayan as the prefect. 

For once that title was actually useful.

It was just an excuse, of course. An excuse that Akk could use if someone asked him why he spent the entire day with Ayan. Not an excuse for himself, though, Akk was well aware of the reason why he was so giddy to be with Ayan. He wasn’t ashamed to admit it (to himself) that he had a crush on Ayan.

And the whole two-timing thing? 

Well, Akk decided to ask around a little bit – if having a crush on two people at the same time was considered as two-timing. He didn’t ask people in person as he was too shy to actually do that, but there was this forum online that he found, where he decided to ask the rest of the people that had more experiences with dating if it was considered cheating. 

The answer was simple – no.

That was after people finally stopped teasing Akk down in the comments. Even if he asked the question anonymously, Akk felt stupid for even asking in the first place, but at least now he got his answer. It was okay if he was crushing on two people at the same time!

Akk was still standing in line, keeping his eyes focused on the menu above and he wondered what he should get. He wanted to try something new. Maybe trying Ayan’s favourite drink? A bit too sweet for his liking, he had a feeling, but he wanted to try it. 

Akk looked over his shoulder and smiled at Ayan, who blew him a kiss across the room and he just rolled his lips, the tips of his ears heating up, but he didn’t let it show, at least on the outside, he remained calm and collected. 

Just as he was about to turn around and look at the menu, someone stepped behind him and Akk took a step forward as they were standing a bit too close. Not really too close, but Akk didn’t really like people breathing down his neck, so he decided to distance himself from them. 

Akk was still thinking about what to order, when the person behind him suddenly spoke up.

“Hey,” came a deep voice from behind him and Akk narrowed his eyes – they were talking to him? 

Akk turned his head and saw a guy standing behind him. He looked around the same age as him, dressed in a loosely fitted button up shirt, with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He was a bit taller than Akk, his hair styled messily, but it still looked good. He looked cool. A look that Akk could never pull off himself. There was a little friendly smile on his lips and Akk rubbed the back of his neck.

“Uh, um, hi?” asked Akk.

Why was he talking to him? 

Probably wanted to take a closer look at the menu, huh? 

The guy chuckled and bowed his head down.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you-”

“Do you want to take a look at the menu?” asked Akk, stepping a little bit to the side, but then the guy shook his head, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

“No, I can see the menu just fine from here,” he said, his voice calm.

“Um, okay, then,” said Akk and wanted to turn around, but then the guy started talking again. 

“You looked like you were in deep thoughts,” suddenly chimed in the guy and Akk pressed his lips together – was he?  “Having trouble deciding what to order?” he asked and Akk was about to answer, but then… “I can help you, if you need help,” he said, watching Akk with clear interest in his eyes and Akk blinked up at him.

“Oh, I already know what I’m getting. But, thanks,” said Akk. 

The guy looked a bit confused when Akk just turned around, clearly not understanding what was truly going on. The fact that Akk was currently being flirted with flew completely over his head and he just rubbed the back of his neck, still too focused on deciding if he would like Ayan’s regular order or not, but then he decided that it was probably a good choice.

“So, what’s your go-to order?” asked the guy, distracting Akk yet again.

Akk wasn’t really sure why the guy was asking.

“A mango smoothie,” said Akk, saying the first thing that came to his mind. Akk liked mango smoothie – sweet and refreshing, ordering it when he had the chance. It was one of his go-to drinks, but there were more. Still, he didn’t understand why it mattered so much. 

“Oh, good choice,” said the guy. “Perfect for a hot day like today.”

“Uh-huh? Sure.”

“But, always ordering the same thing can get a bit boring,” he said. “Wanna try something new?”

“Why?” asked Akk, tilting his head a little bit.

The guy laughed, again looking a little bit confused because he was giving it all here and it still wasn’t working? Akk pressed his lips together, his eyes wandering over to the line and he stepped forward. Only one more person and then it was finally going to be his turn. Then, he could finally stop with the annoying questions about his drink preferences.

“Sometimes it’s exciting to try a new thing,” he said and leaned forward.

“Yeah, like what?” deadpanned Akk. This was getting annoying.

“Maybe you should try, hmm, something sweeter,” he said. “How about strawberry milk tea?” he offered and Akk pursed his lips together. His eyes flickered over Akk’s face for a little bit longer than Akk liked and the other one was talking again. “Actually, you seem like the type that would like vanilla.”

God, was he ever going to shut up?

Akk was still processing everything, trying not to be too annoyed. 

“I guess vanilla is fine,” sighed Akk.

“Yeah?” asked the guy and chuckled. “How about I treat you to a drink and you can tell me all about it – if you like it or not?”

Akk really wanted to stay as polite as possible, but this was becoming too annoying, so he was about to tell him to leave him alone. That was until he heard footsteps coming closer to him and he straightened himself up when he saw Ayan suddenly appearing next to him, a smile spreading across his face without even knowing it himself. 

Ayan was having fun watching Akk across the coffee shop, grinning and smiling at him. That was until… It wasn’t fun anymore. It all started with someone stepping behind Akk, waiting in line. 

Ayan’s fingers were gripping on his pencil as he was watching everything go down in front of his eyes and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like it one bit, feeling annoyed. At first he didn’t think too much of the guy that suddenly stepped in line, but then the guy started talking with Akk and he didn’t like it.

Not just talking, no.

The guy was obviously flirting. 

It was clear as day – the guy was smiling too friendly, he was leaning a little bit too close and Ayan didn’t like the way the other’s eyes would linger on Akk’s face for too long. It was obvious that he was flirting, but Akk was just talking to him, looking completely oblivious about the thing.

Really? 

Ayan gritted his teeth.

Just… What was this?

His whole mood was ruined!

Ayan was supposed to have Akk all to himself, but now there was another guy clearly flirting with him, wearing that stupid grin on his face. Akky really had no idea, did he? He was just standing there, talking and nodding politely like he usually was. He was completely blind to the fact that the guy was literally eating him up with his eyes. 

Ayan let out a frustrated little groan and then he took a deep breath in. He wanted to calm down, but then the guy just wouldn’t leave Akk alone, even after it became clear that Akk was getting kind of fed up with the random conversation. Ayan noticed it and he decided to do something about it.

Ayan pushed back his chair as he stood up, quickly making his way to Akk. The guy was still too close to Akk, but not for long as Ayan casually placed a hand on top of Akk’s shoulder and gently tugged back, trying to subtly show it to the guy that he needed to scram.

Akk wasn’t interested. 

Akk felt a sudden weight dropping on his shoulder, smiling as he felt the warmth of Ayan’s hand on his shoulder and he slowly turned his head around, Ayan stepping up behind him. 

Ayan didn’t even bother with acknowledging the other’s presence. He didn’t matter.

“Akk,” said Ayan softly. “What’s taking this so long, mn?”

Akk slowly turned to him and he shrugged as the person in front of him was still making their mind up what to order. 

“Still waiting to make the order,” said Akk. 

The guy raised an eyebrow and didn’t shy away from being direct…

“Who is this?” 

Ayan’s grip on Akk’s shoulder tightened just a little bit, but Akk didn’t really notice as he was more concerned about finally getting his drink. He has been waiting there for what felt like ages. 

“None of your business, I’m afraid,” escaped past Ayan’s lips, which was anything but like him. Akk frowned and he looked at him. Ayan could see a question mark forming above Akk’s head and he couldn’t suppress back a little frustrated chuckle, shaking his head.

Was Akk really this oblivious?

God, Ayan was going to need all of the prayers then.

The guy snorted.

“Ah, got it,” he said and shook his head, a little amused smirk spreading across his face as he glanced at Akk, having his full attention. “Then, I hope you enjoy your drink, but if you want to try something new-”

“He’s good,” said Ayan. Akk’s frown deepened because even if Ayan was smiling, his smile was different. Just like the time that Ayan was trying to defend him when Khan and Wat were laughing at his expense, it was familiar. The sound of his voice, the way he spoke, but it was also different.

Akk couldn’t explain it.

Ayan looked annoyed, though. He was too tense.

“Actually, he doesn’t even like vanilla,” said Ayan on purpose, trying to show that he knew Akk better than this random stranger.

Akk was confused.

“Since when?” asked Akk.

Ayan ignored him for the time being as he was more focused on making this guy disappear. Poof, go away. The guy was amused though, trying not to laugh.

“He already has someone to give him recommendations on what to order,” said Ayan.

“Oh, let me guess. That’s you?” 

Ayan’s smirk widened and he nodded, but the smile on his lips was anything but friendly. It looked almost dangerous as did the look in his eyes. 

Akk was trapped between the two of them, tired and confused. Also, he wanted his drink. 

“Yep,” said Ayan. “So, you know, you can leave us alone, we can manage,” said Ayan and then he folded his arms on top of his chest, stepped closer to the guy, who was now clearly enjoying all of this. He was living for the chaos he had just created and Ayan disliked him even more. Pursing his lips together, he glanced over at Akk, who still didn’t have the faintest idea of what was truly going on.

Akk had way too many questions.

Since when did Ayan give him drink recommendations?

Why was Ayan pissed off?

Was it something that Akk did?

“Well, I get you,” said the guy and finally backed away, but his eyes continued to linger on Akk, who made a little noise of frustration as it was finally his turn to order the drinks. He was about to order the two drinks, for him and Ayan, when he heard, “He’s cute.”

Ayan clenched his jaw and he truly hated how casually the guy said it, the way that he was looking at Akk, throwing the word ‘’cute’’ around way too casually for his liking. Now, he made it more obvious what he was after and Ayan’s eyes travelled to Akk, who choked on his breath because – what the hell?! 

Calling him cute…

Akk was slowly starting to piece things together and he felt his cheeks heating up a little bit, biting on his lower lip. Still, he turned around and finally made that order, chewing on his lower lip.

What was supposed to mean that he ‘’got’’ Ayan, though? 

The frown between Akk’s eyebrows deepened as he couldn’t seem to figure out the reason behind Ayan’s bad mood. Was it because he wasn’t there to help him with the homework? Akk had a serious expression on his face, thinking way harder than he should’ve been. This was way more difficult than solving a Math problem that he was working on before. 

Ayan, on the other hand, kept glaring at the guy, keeping himself as the barrier between Akk and him and in the end, the other one only raised his hands up and slowly shook his head, admitting his defeat. For now, at least. 

“I’ll leave you two to it, then,” he said, slowly making his way away from the line – so, he wasn’t even there to make an order, but he was just keeping other people waiting. Seriously, what a dick. Ayan gritted his teeth when the guy moved a bit closer to Akk as he was about to walk away, giving him a little nod. “If you’re ever interested in trying a new flavour, I’ll make sure to make myself available to show you around.”

Ayan tensed up, but Akk didn’t say anything. Huffing under his breath, Ayan finally let his guard down when the other one finally walked away, pressing his lips together as he looked at Akk again, whose face was now red. 

Red as in flushing?! 

Ayan felt his stomach turn.

Akk figured it out, didn’t he? 

It would be difficult not to. Even someone as dense as Akk was bound to figure out that they were being flirted with and Ayan didn’t like it. It would be better if Akk remained as clueless as he was before, but now Ayan was even more annoyed. 

More importantly – did he like the attention?! 

Ayan ran his fingers through his hair as a little noise of frustration escaped past his lips, but he didn’t say anything. Neither of them said anything as they waited in line for their order to be finally ready.

Akk was getting frustrated as well. 

Almost an hour later, and the two of them still haven't made any progress. Well, Akk had finished his homework, but Ayan was still being stubborn about it. There was an unusual silence between the two of them and Akk couldn’t figure out for the life of him what was wrong now. 

Ayan was still annoyed, but right now he wasn’t annoyed with the guy anymore. The one person that Ayan was annoyed with right now was with himself because he truly didn’t like it. He didn’t like being jealous like this. He was way too possessive before, wasn’t he? Not quite the healthy trait that he wanted to possess. He still didn’t know what came over him – it was the first time that he felt this amount of jealousy over a guy that he wasn’t even dating.

Akk had no idea how he felt about him. 

How did he feel about him?

Was it still just a silly little crush or was it turning into something deeper?

Ayan was having a difficult time with deciding that, biting on the other side of his pencil and Akk rolled his eyes, gently kicking him under the desk as he tried to get his attention. Ayan flinched when he was suddenly brought back and he found himself staring into Akk’s eyes. 

“Stop slacking off,” said Akk.

“I wasn’t slacking off,” said Ayan back, his voice a bit too harsh than he intended it to be. Ayan scanned the area and even if the guy wasn’t at the cafe anymore, he didn’t want to be there anymore. Ayan wanted a change of scenery and he gritted his teeth.

The longer that he stayed there, the more he was getting frustrated and annoyed. 

The scene from before kept replaying in his head over and over again, getting frustrated as hell. He shook his head and slowly closed his eyes. Akk could tell that something was off with Ayan – he didn’t look well. That was why he decided to back off a little bit, blinking up at Ayan, who wanted to scream.

Did Akk even know how he looked? 

When he would look at him like that – that worried expression – his eyes would get all big, locking with Ayan’s, the look of pure innocence and worry on his face. It was unfair, it was so freaking unfair and Ayan’s fingers curled into loose fists. 

“Aye, do you feel okay?” asked Akk, his voice all small now. 

“I’m okay,” said Ayan.

“Do you need to take a break?” asked Akk – did he push Ayan too much? He knew that there were times that Ayan got overwhelmed and his heart sank because he didn’t want to be the cause of Ayan’s distress. “I’m sorry if I pushed too much,” he said. “I just want you to do well in school. Not because I’m the prefect, but because we’re friends and I don’t want the teachers to give you a hard time.”

Ayan quickly relaxed and let out a long sigh.

“No, I’m fine, Akk,” said Ayan, but Akk didn’t believe him. “I just, um, need to… Let’s go somewhere else?” 

“Huh?”

Ayan usually liked this place, so what changed?

“We’ve been here for too long,” muttered Ayan. “I’ll do better if we go somewhere else,” said Ayan and he already had an idea, his good mood slowly trickling back in as a little mischievous grin spread across his face. 

Akk saw the flip happen right in front of his eyes and he blinked a few times.

“Um, okay, we can go somewhere else,” said Akk. “I don’t know where to, but-”

“Your dorm room,” said Ayan right away, not hesitating at all. He wanted to see Akk’s place and his heart fastened a little bit – not only Akk, but he would get to witness where MoonlighWhispers recorded his videos, right? Ayan was suddenly very excited.

“My dorm room?! ” asked Akk and his voice got kind of high pitched because why in the world would Ayan want to do that? Akk looked adorable when he was panicking a little bit over the innocent question.

“Why not? It seems fair since you’ve been at my place twice already,” said Ayan and pouted a bit. “So, it seems only fair that I visit your place as well,” challenged Ayan and Akk rolled his eyes.

“I, uh, I don’t see how any of this is relevant,” muttered Akk.

“Come on, you’re not fun,” whined Ayan, stretching out the words as he leaned a little bit closer to Akk now, his chin resting against his hand now and he tipped his head out the side. “Why don’t you want me over? You said it yourself – we’re friends, no?”

Ayan was pushing it too much.

If Akk truly wouldn’t want him there, then so be it – he wasn’t going to push. But, he knew that Akk needed a little bit of help and motivation to admit what he truly wanted. And Ayan was very eager to see his dorm room.

“I just don’t understand-”

“Are you deflecting the question?” asked Ayan and gasped dramatically. “You don’t want to have me over? Why? Are you hiding something?”

Akk’s face reddened.

“ No! ”

Akk’s dorm room was close, but it was a mess. Well, not really, Akk was a neat person, but still – he didn’t tidy up beforehand and if Ayan happened to find something embarrassing in his room, then he would never hear the end of it. But, at the same time, Akk was kind of into it – inviting Ayan over.

It was…

The dilemma was almost too much. 

Ayan could tell that Akk was thinking about it, his brain was working it all out and Ayan chuckled. Too shy to admit it? 

“Then let me come over!”

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea-”

“You know, the more you say no, the more I’m suspicious,” said Ayan and Akk narrowed his eyes – suspicious, how? “Are you hiding something weird or embarrassing? Is your room messy, or perhaps–”

“Fine!” huffed Akk because he finally got tired of this back and forth. Ayan kept talking about Akk hiding something weird in his room and he got annoyed over it, so he decided to invite Ayan over himself, just to prove to him that his dorm room was perfectly normal. “Let’s go to my place then, I don’t care,” grumbled Akk and Ayan snickered.

“Okay,” chirped Ayan and Akk realised what had just happened – he had just walked into Ayan’s trap, didn’t he?! “Better let’s get going,” said Ayan and quickly collected all of his things into his bag and Akk scowled at him.

“If you don’t do your homework there, I will kick your ass,” warned Akk.

“Oh, don’t threaten me with a good time, Big Foot,” said Ayan and laughed when he saw the way those words left Akk completely flustered and speechless. Ayan just couldn’t get enough of it – teasing Akk, seeing this side of him, Ayan was just… obsessed. 

Ayan was happy, everything was again how it was supposed to be – with Ayan being the centre of Akk’s attention!

Ayan’s heart was pounding when he was sitting on the edge of Akk’s bed, trying his best to keep a straight face, but it was freaking difficult. His mind was racing, his heart was about to leap out of his chest as his eyes kept travelling around Akk’s room, keeping his eyes on the bookshelf on the wall that he had seen way too many times… in the videos.

The bookshelf made a regular appearance in MoonlightWhispers’ videos. 

The plant next to it – Ayan also recognised it as well.

Ayan’s eyes kept travelling around, recognising little details about the room. He had watched the videos way too many times not to recognise even the small details in the room. 

Ayan was not calm.

How could he?

Ayan knew that Akk and MoonlightWhispers were the same person for a while now, but this was different. To be this close to it all was just almost surreal and his hands were shaky as he just couldn’t calm down, no matter how much he tried to. Knowing it was one thing, but actually seeing it all being there in Akk’s space was something different.

Almost too overwhelming. 

But, Akk’s room was lovely. Not too small at all, everything was neatly organised and he smiled – just like Akk himself. There was a computer on a desk in the corner of the room and Ayan had to wonder where Akk was keeping all of the filming equipment. 

Probably in one of those wardrobes on the other side of his room. 

The room was light and comfortable. 

Ayan swallowed thickly as he ran his fingers over the bedcovers, dragging his fingers over the soft fabric as he tried to get the rush of excitement under control. His eyes travelled over to Akk, who was standing on the other side of the room, struggling to straighten out the jacket of his uniform.

Akk looked nervous.

Ayan wanted to tease a bit more, but the words got stuck at the back of his throat. Akk looked tense, his shoulders were raised and he tried to make himself look small as if he wanted to disappear?

Akk groaned when the pin fell from his jacket and he leaned down to pick it up. Ayan didn’t miss how Akk’s fingers were fidgeting, unsure what to do with himself. He picked up the pin and turned away from Ayan again as he just didn’t know what to do. 

Having Ayan in his room alone was overwhelming, but to have him sit on his bed was just… Akk was trying very hard to stay normal about it. He didn’t know what to do with so much stuff happening at once without his brain going into a frenzy of all of the possibilities that could–

Breathe in.

Breathe out. 

Ayan felt guilty to see Akk like this, misunderstanding the whole thing completely. He didn’t want Akk to be putting his walls up again because of him.

Ayan pushed too much.

Ayan was too eager, too selfish about his own wants without considering how Akk might’ve felt about the whole thing. 

The last thing that Ayan wanted to do was to make Akk uncomfortable at a place that was supposed to be his safe haven.

Ayan messed up.

The guilt was terrible. 

“Akk,” said Ayan and Akk glanced over his shoulder.

“Hm?”

Akk looked almost scared and Ayan felt his heart dropping, hitting the pit of his stomach with a force and he felt sick. 

“Do you want me to leave?” asked Ayan, his voice soft, but Akk could feel that something wasn’t right. “Sorry, I was too selfish. You’re clearly uncomfortable, I’ll be on my way, sorry,” stammered Ayan, now in a hurry to leave, but as he was about to make it past Akk, the other one panicked. 

Akk frowned.

Ayan wanted to leave.

Why? Why leave so soon?!

No, no, no… Please, please stay some more. 

Akk’s body moved on its own, grabbing onto Ayan’s wrist and he stopped him.

“No,” stammered Akk and he shook his head. Crap, he didn’t mean it like that, he didn’t want Ayan to feel like he didn’t want him over. “It’s fine, please stay?” asked Akk and hoped that he didn’t sound too desperate. 

He definitely sounded desperate, but then so be it. 

Akk wanted to be with Ayan for a bit longer. 

Akk felt awkward as hell as he somehow fucked this up, didn’t he? Akk could feel himself getting even more anxious, his eyes travelling to his bed and his brain melted when he thought about how for a few minutes Ayan was sitting on his bed. 

Ayan was tense as well – he didn’t want Akk to force himself. He was biting on his lower lip, holding back his breath.

“Akk, it’s okay, you don’t have to force yourself-”

“I’m not. I promise,” said Akk. “I, uh, I just don’t have people over many times. If ever. The only ones that ever come here are Khan and Wat,” said Akk. “I’m sorry I’m this awkward, ugh,” said Akk. “Just, please, stay. I’m not forcing myself, I want you to stay. Yeah?” 

Ayan slowly relaxed and a smile formed on his lips again.

“You sure?”

“More than sure,” said Akk. “I’m not letting you leave until you finish all of your homework,” said Akk, now as sharp as always and Ayan was almost about to ask what homework, but then he remembered and he whined. 

“Do we have to do it?” asked Ayan.

“Aye,” said Akk and Ayan smiled when he heard the nickname again. “Yes, you will finish it all today.”

“You are a sadist,” whined Ayan and plopped down onto Akk’s bed, laying down, but no matter how much he whined, Akk wasn’t letting this slide – Ayan was finishing the homework!

Ayan slammed his textbook shut as he let out a loud groan, Akk trying not to burst out laughing as he watched Ayan. Hours have passed, but Ayan managed to finish all of the homework. The two of them had a little break in the middle of it, Akk ordering them some dinner and then they continued. 

Ayan was whining and complaining a lot. 

Ayan threw himself on top of Akk’s bed again, stretching out his arms above his head, arching his back because everything hurt. This was torture and Ayan was just glad that it was all finally over. Akk was a demon when it came to school and staying on track.

No flirting.

No joking.

Just studying. 

Ayan thought it was going to be the end of him.

“It’s over, finally. I finished all of it,” whined Ayan. “I almost died out of boredom.”

Akk rolled his eyes.

“No need to be so dramatic,” said Akk and Ayan scowled at him, tipping his head back. Akk was still sitting on a chair, Ayan watching him like that – upside down. 

“You’re a demon! Why did you have to torture me like so?”

“You were doing homework,” deadpanned Akk. 

“It felt like torture!”

“Sure,” said Akk as a little smile crept upon his lips, closing his textbook as well and he walked over to his bed, sitting on the edge and Ayan was quickly sitting up as well. 

“You know, I should really get a reward for finishing it all on time,” said Ayan and Akk tsk ed. Ayan pressed his lips together and he leaned closer to Akk, pushing his face in front of Akk’s, who immediately looked flustered. “Give me my reward,” said Ayan and puckered up.

Akk didn’t seem impressed, despite the way his cheeks burned. He gently flicked him across the forehead.

“Your reward will be good grades,” said Akk, but his heart was beating slightly faster.

What kind of a reward was Ayan expecting?

A kiss?

As always, Ayan was just playing around.

“That’s boring,” complained Ayan. “I already get good grades.”

Akk’s smile widened and Ayan sighed happily as comfortable silence fell between the two of them and his eyes travelled to the side, still observing everything in the room. The room was even cosier in person than the videos. God, Ayan really needed to brace himself, if he wanted Akk to think that he was a sane person. But, it was just…

How was he supposed to go about this, though? 

Ayan wanted to tell Akk that he knew about MoonlightWhispers, but he needed to think properly. Well, what mattered right now was that he was spending time with Akk. He had his full attention, no more annoying people trying to flirt with him. That also made Ayan wonder if Akk… 

Ayan smirked when he glanced at Akk, who was sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to find something to talk about. It was cute.

“Akk, can I ask you something?”

Akk glanced at him, wary of what the question might be.

“If it’s not something weird, go ahead,” said Akk and Ayan chuckled, who slowly scooted closer to him.

“The guy in the cafe earlier,” said Ayan and Akk’s face heated up. “He was flirting with you, you know?”

Akk glanced down and he nodded.

“I-I sort of figured it out, eventually,” mumbled Akk. 

Akk placed his hands together, feeling a bit tense, but then he reminded himself that it was okay to talk about things like these with Ayan. Aye knew about him liking guys, he knew it. Ayan had also told him that he liked men so it was just… Akk’s stomach dropped.

It was still so very new to him. 

“Was he your type?” asked Ayan and Akk’s fingers curled, gripping onto the bedcovers underneath him. Akk was flushing, but Ayan… “Sorry, does talking about it make you uncomfortable?” asked Ayan and Akk shook his head.

“No, uh, it’s fine, I’m just not used to… But, it’s fine,” whispered Akk and Ayan slowly nodded. “But he… He wasn’t my type,” said Akk and Ayan exhaled, looking almost relieved. “Why?” asked Akk suspiciously. 

“Just curious, I guess,” said Ayan and shrugged.

Akk then wondered – was the guy Ayan’s type? Or why was Aye asking?

“Was he your type?” asked Akk and Ayan laughed dryly.

“Definitely not, ” said Ayan. “If you weren’t into him, you shouldn’t have let him flirt with you for so long,” whined Ayan and Akk swallowed thickly because he didn’t miss the way Ayan said that. 

The way Ayan looked back then, the way he was talking about the guy now… It was all very strange and Akk had one theory why Ayan was acting like that, but he knew it was just his wishful thinking. But, at least to Akk, Ayan sounded and acted jealous before now that he was thinking back at it. 

Ayan wouldn’t get jealous. 

This was just Akk projecting his own feelings onto it. Akk was aware of his crush and it was only natural that he kind of wished that Ayan would be jealous of someone flirting with him. 

“Why?” asked Akk.

Akk’s question surprised Ayan a little bit, his eyes widening just a little bit, but Akk couldn’t help it. He needed to know what Ayan was going to say, secretly hoping that Ayan was maybe jealous. Even if Ayan was jealous, he wouldn’t admit it out loud, would he? 

“It’s just,” said Ayan and made a little pause before he carried on, holding back his breath as he needed to make sure that he chose his words carefully. He huffed under his breath and ran his fingers through his hair. “You deserve someone better, that’s all,” he said and Akk frowned.

“Huh?”

“That guy was really interested in only one thing,” said Ayan and pressed his lips together, shaking his head. Akk frowned, but then he realised what Ayan meant with that and his eyes went wide, his cheeks reddened and he glanced down. Was he, really? “Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” said Ayan, clarifying it for Akk. “But you deserve someone better.”

Someone like me. 

Those words never left his mouth, though. 

Akk nodded, but felt a little bit disappointed – Ayan wasn’t jealous, just worried. Which was sweet , but…

“If you ever need help with stuff like this,” said Ayan and Akk narrowed his eyes. “I can,” started Ayan and the rest of his words trailed off. I can teach you. No, no, no. Ayan was acting stupid. “Help you out. A talk goes a long way.”

“Right,” said Akk. “I’ll hold you to that word.”

“And just remember you can ask me anything,” said Ayan as he wanted to be there for Akk, just like he was for him in so many ways that he didn’t know so far. “No stupid questions, okay?”

Akk swallowed thickly and nodded, gripping the blanket underneath him.

Correction – there was one stupid question that Akk was never asking again. The people online laughing at him made him feel bad enough, so he was never asking it again. Still, when he was talking like this with Ayan, he almost forgot @halfawake and that realisation made his heart sink.

Akk was so busy hanging out with Ayan, that he forgot to text him. 

Ayan sighed and laid back down, rolling onto his side, feeling tired. It was pretty late and he didn’t feel like making it all the way back home. He groaned and let his eyes close. 

“I’m exhausted,” said Ayan and Akk perked up.

“It’s late.”

“Mn. Finally, you notice. You were torturing me for hours!” stated Ayan and his eyes fluttered open. “Now I have no energy to return back home,” complained Ayan in that whiny tone of voice that made Akk roll his eyes. Ayan pouted and Akk shrugged casually as he carried on and ended up surprising both of them.

“Why don’t you stay over?” asked Akk and Ayan was quickly sitting up. Akk didn’t really know what possessed him to ask the question, but he didn’t want to be alone. With Ayan, it was too much fun, so he hoped Ayan would say yes. 

“What?” asked Ayan and Akk shrugged.

“If you want, you can stay over,” said Akk, not really thinking about the logistics of it all. He just said it in the spur of the moment, but Ayan immediately took the bait. He didn’t want Akk to change his mind.

“Can I really?” asked Ayan and Akk huffed.

“Do you want me to change my mind?” asked Akk.

“No,” said Ayan.

“Good, then consider this as your, uh, reward,” said Akk. “For finishing homework.”

Ayan snickered and dragged his teeth over his lower lip, quickly nodding – oh, Ayan was staying over that was for sure!

After calling his mom, it was settled – Ayan was staying over. 

Akk was currently sitting on his bed, waiting for Ayan to be done showering so that the two of them could go to bed. Akk was tired, his legs folded, the phone in his hands as he was currently texting @halfawake. Akk really was… This didn’t feel right. Ayan was just in the next room and he was…

Akk’s head was a mess. 

Before he didn’t really think about the logistics of Ayan staying over, but now it was the only thing that was on his mind – where the hell was Aye going to sleep? Akk’s bed was enough to fit two people, but Akk didn’t really know if he would be able to live through the night with Ayan sleeping next to him.

Sleeping on the floor was stupid, though. 

Again, the bed was large enough for both of them!

Akk sighed and shook his head, his phone buzzing and he smiled when he saw that he had a new message.

@halfawake

How come you’re still up? 

Can’t sleep?

Oh, no, I am just… Wanted to talk to you for a bit

We didn’t talk much today and I missed you

Sorry, is that weird?

@halfawake

Not weird at all, I promise

Did you miss me too? 😼

There was no response for a little while and Akk felt his stomach dropping. He said something weird, he said too much and his hands started shaking, but then finally a response came and he… Felt relieved.

@halfawake

You know I did~ 😚✨

Akk chuckled and sighed, but one glance towards the bathroom door and he felt uneasy again. He really needed to do something about it – but, he didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know who to talk to without being ridiculed. 

At that very same time, Ayan was inside of Akk’s bathroom, leaning against the wall, already dressed and finished with the shower, leaning his head back as he felt like the biggest piece of shit – this just felt wrong. 

Ayan felt like he was lying. He was lying. 

Ayan closed his eyes and exhaled softly, feeling guilt sink deep into his chest. This was more than just guilt, though, Ayan felt awful. This was Ayan being selfish because he knew that Akk liked @halfawake, not Ayan. Akk liked the version of him that existed behind that username.

Ayan’s stomach sank and he gritted his teeth because he didn’t know what to do.

Telling Akk the truth was an option, but he didn’t know how. 

Ayan just wanted to stay close to Akk, but not like this. He needed to come clean about what he knew. If not – guilt was going to eat Ayan apart, biting back a little groan as he wrote a few more messages before telling MoonlightWhispers that he was going to bed.

It wasn’t a lie. 

By the time that Ayan came out of the bathroom, Akk was already lying under covers. He was lying on the right side of the bed, leaving a pillow waiting on the left side for Ayan, lying completely stiff, eyes big and following Ayan, who was now dressed in his clothes. 

It was just shorts and a T-shirt, but Ayan filled in those clothes completely different from Akk. Akk’s cheeks reddened because Ayan looked good in his clothes. His hair was still damp, a fluffy towel around his shoulders and Ayan smiled when he saw Akk, all ready for bed. 

“Sleepy?” asked Ayan.

Akk nodded.

“Yeah, it was a long day,” said Akk and Ayan chuckled.

“I’ll say,” said Ayan. “You were ruthless!”

Akk smiled playfully. 

“Stop running your mouth and let’s finally go to bed,” complained Akk and Ayan slowly dropped his shoulders, still drying his hair before he finally climbed on the bed. Akk stiffened up even more and tried not to panic, but Ayan was definitely going to hear how fast his heart was breathing. 

Ayan bit down onto his lower lip.

“I can take the floor,” offered Ayan when he saw Akks’ reaction and he quickly shook his head.

“The floor is uncomfortable,” said Akk. “And it’s stupid, the bed is large for the both of us,” said Akk and Ayan slowly hummed as he leaned closer, Akk’s cheeks burning up, but it was good that he has switched off the lights, so that Ayan wasn’t able to see the growing flush.

“Are you sure?” asked Ayan, but Akk’s bed felt so comfortable. 

“I’m sure,” said Akk and Ayan slowly sighed, lying down and was immediately engulfed by the warmth and comfort of Akk’s bed, smiling softly as he glanced at the side. Akk was looking at him and he chuckled. 

“All good?” asked Ayan, checking again.

Akk slowly nodded, somehow now that Ayan was there, feeling calm.

The two of them chatted for a little while before finally falling asleep – both of them had a freaking long day and needed to get some proper rest finally. 

Akk’s body jerked awake. 

Akk didn’t know what woke him up, but as he opened his eyes he blinked into the darkness. The room around him was hazy and it didn't look like his room, but at the same time - it was his room. Everything seemed out of focus, blurred into the background, colours and objects mixing one into the other,  and as he moved his body, he felt heavy. 

Heaviness was pressing him down, sinking him into the mattress. Moving took too much energy and as he tipped his head to the side, he finally saw him. 

Ayan. 

Ayan was sitting up, legs crossed, turned away from him.

Akk opened his mouth to say  something, but he felt too tired. His body ached with exhaustion. Akk’s mind felt clouded , focusing took too much effort as well. He couldn’t remember what he was supposed to say, but he slowly sat up.

“Aye?” asked Akk into the darkness. 

The sound of his voice wasn’t right. Akk couldn’t recognise it, keeping his eyes on Ayan, who finally turned around. Ayan’s eyes were on him now, full of tears to the brim and as he blinked, the tears rolled down his cheek. 

Akk panicked.

What… 

What?!

What was Akk missing?

Akk scooted closer, his body feeling too warm, not like Akk’s at all.

Akk wasn’t in control, there was something else guiding him closer to Ayan. Akk needed to say something, but Ayan was just watching him. Not saying anything, just staring and crying. 

That was when Ayan moved.

Ayan leaned closer, Akk didn’t have the time to react. Ayan was too fast, too close, all of it happening too fast and as Akk took a deep breath, he felt something pressing against his lips.

Soft and gentle.

Warm. So, so warm. 

A pair of lips, pressing against his own.

A kiss.

Ayan was kissing him. 

Akk smiled and his eyes fluttered shut as Ayan kissed him again, feeling the warmth against his lips and Akk didn’t move because he was afraid that all of this would suddenly disappear.

Chapter Text

Akk was left shivering as the warmth suddenly disappeared, the absence of Ayan’s lips against his own feeling foreign as he quickly opened his eyes, a little shudder escaping past his lips as he glanced at Ayan. Another tear rolled down Ayan’s cheek and Akk slowly reached over to his, gently cupping his face, trying to wipe away the tears.

Akk wanted to keep Ayan close.

Closer, closer, so much closer. 

Don’t go, please, don’t go.

Akk glanced around the room, again having that eerie feeling that he was not in his own room right now, but then he heard a little sniffle and he quickly glanced back at Ayan, who was still looking at him, his eyes full of tears and Akk really couldn’t remember what happened. 

A kiss

That was all.

Why was Ayan crying?

Akk’s mind was all fogged up and Ayan was moving his lips, but Akk couldn’t hear what was coming out of his mouth. The way that his lips moved, it seemed like Ayan was apologising to him. Akk quickly shook his head and he leaned closer, his fingers slowly reaching up, curling around Ayan’s jaw and he hesitated a little bit, but he wanted more.

This time, it was Akk that closed the remaining distance between the two of them, and he brushed his lips lightly against Ayan’s, feeling the other’s little sigh against his lips and he smiled when he felt Ayan kissing him again. Akk nuzzled into the warmth and comfort, kissing Ayan again and again, until he had Ayan shivering in his arms.

Akk parted his lips, welcoming Ayan deeper. Ayan’s hands were now moving, fingers trailing along his collarbone and Akk smiled, giving Ayan an eager nod before he tipped his head to the side, not quite sure what he wanted, but he just knew that he wanted Ayan.

Ayan.

Chasing after Ayan’s lips, Akk let out a frustrated groan, but he suddenly felt like he was drowning, fighting for air. Akk’s eyes widened and he glanced around, the image of Ayan disappearing in front of him. There were still tears visible in Ayan’s eyes and he was again apologising, slowly disappearing into the background. 

Akk reached out with his hand, to grasp onto Ayan, to make him stay, but too late. Akk was too late, Ayan disappeared. Right in front of his eyes, Ayan melted away and Akk wanted to scream, but his screams stayed at the back of his throat, burning his throat as he tried to scream, but there was nothing.

Just Akk, trapped in his own room. 

But, it wasn‘t his room. As Akk looked around, he could tell that he was truly somewhere else. It still looked like his room, but the image of it was distorted. The walls were melting, everything was melting into nothingness. It was soon just going to be Akk trapped in the darkness with no one to hear him. 

Akk was panting for air, shivering like crazy.

Just like that, his eyes snapped open. He was gasping for air, his eyes staring up into the darkness. He was blinking rapidly, heart racing as he needed a little while to understand that he had just woken up from a nightmare. Akk swallowed thickly, slowly sitting up as he was trying to make sure that he was truly safe now, swallowing thickly.

This was his room.

Akk nodded and gently patted his cheeks, feeling out of it. Then, he heard soft snoring on his side and he glanced over to the side and saw Ayan sleeping there, curled up on his side, turned away from him, completely oblivious to what had just happened and Akk swallowed thickly, closing his eyes.

Relief washed over.

Everything was fine, it was just a dream.

Just a dream…

It wasn’t real. 

The kiss – it wasn’t real?

The way his lips tingled and the way his skin burned just now felt so real, but Akk knew it was just a dream. Akk exhaled softly and he licked across his lower lip, gently placing his fingers against his lips and he shook his head. It felt so real, how could it all just be a fucking dream?

Akk’s heart dropped into the pit of his stomach, the world around him shattering, his throat tightening as he shut his eyes tightly and a sad smile spread across his lips because of course it was just a dream. The realisation dug itself into Akk’s chest, clawing against his heart, leaving his chest heavy and hollow.

Akk fisted the blanket underneath him and swallowed thickly.

It was stupid to be this disappointed over a dream.

At least Ayan was right here, he didn’t disappear.

Ayan wasn’t here in the way that Akk wanted him to be, though. Akk’s head snapped to the side when he realised what he was thinking and he formed loose fists with his hands, his nails digging into his palms and he gritted his teeth. The feel of Ayan’s lips still lingered on his lips, the places that Ayan touched in his dream still burned, but…

Ayan was just a friend. 

Nothing more. Ayan had a crush on him, those feelings valid, but guilt crept in when he realised just what kind of things he was thinking about his friend, pressing his lips together and he shook his head. It felt wrong for having dreams like this about Ayan.

If he happened to close his eyes and fall asleep, would he have those dreams again? About kissing Ayan…

Akk shook his head, his heart pounding in his chest.

Akk shook his head and quickly moved to the side, careful not to wake Ayan up and he reached for his phone, trying to even out his breathing as he checked on time. 

2:11 am.

Was @halfawake still awake?

Sometimes, they would be chatting at such a late hour. Even if he wasn’t, Akk still decided to write to him. Even if the other one was asleep, at least he would read his messages in the morning, but Akk needed to talk to someone. Not like he would tell anyone about the dreams that he had, but he needed to feel like there was someone listening to him. 

That was why he decided to send a few messages to the other one, the guilt feeling even worse because… Akk was getting in way too deep, he needed to sort out his feelings, but running away was much easier.

It was…

I know it’s late and you’re probably asleep, but I need someone to talk to

Just woke up from a horrible nightmare

Have you ever had a dream that you were guilty about? I don’t know, is this even considered normal? To feel guilty about having certain dreams. Probably not and it’s just me overthinking things like per usual

Sometimes I really hate my mind, how it twists things and makes things appear more horrible to me than they really are. But I can’t help it

My brain is stupid

No response.

The messages weren’t read – the other one was asleep, which was fair, but it just left Akk hanging in the dark alone, eyes now on Ayan, who slowly rolled onto his back, completely oblivious to the freakout that was currently going on in Akk’s head.

Akk nodded and glanced down at his phone again.

I’m sorry

Let’s talk in the morning

Sorry, really

Akk placed his phone back onto the nightstand and slowly, but carefully climbed off his bed, rushing into the bedroom and he needed to calm down.

It’s been a week and Akk felt awful – it was such a shitty week. 

It’s been a week since Ayan stayed over at his dorm room, a week since Akk had that dream about kissing Ayan and without even knowing it at first, he started avoiding Ayan. 

It was a mixture of both – embarrassment and guilt.

Ayan wasn’t making it easy, though, he was stubborn and persistent as he was determined that the two of them talked. Akk tried to brush it off, saying that there was nothing to talk about. After all, nothing really happened, did it? It was all in Akk’s head. The guilt that he felt was stupid. 

It wasn’t just this, though. It wasn’t like he was avoiding talking with Ayan. The two of them sat together in class so they still talked , but Ayan noticed that Akk was acting distant. Akk never had time after school to hang out with him, but that was also because of Chadok. Akk needed to report back to him, there were meetings with the prefect club, it was all just… Too much. 

Akk felt terrible.

And he missed Ayan.

It was truly a recipe for a disaster. 

However, he didn’t feel awful only because of Ayan. No.

There was also teacher Chadok, another reason why he found himself drowning in guilt. Akk was called into his office three times in this week alone and every single time he got yelled at for not doing a good job as a prefect. Chadok called him the worst Prefect President that the Club ever got, that he was letting everyone down. 

If Mes could see him now, he would be completely and utterly disappointed in him. 

That hammered the guilt even deeper into Akk. Teacher Chadok knew how much Akk looked up to Mes the year before. It was like the man knew exactly what to say to make Akk feel even more awful. Akk felt like shit and no matter what he did, he just kept on failing.

People were breaking rules on his watch and always caught onto it too fast. 

On Monday, a fight broke out in the cafeteria.

On Wednesday, students were caught sneaking out of school, trying to skip classes.

On a Friday, it was somehow Akk’s fault for a few of his classmates being caught trying to cheat on a test – it was his fault for not being strict enough. If his classmates knew how strict the rules were, then they would have never dared to do something else, but Akk has gotten too sloppy, not paying attention to the school rules anymore.

At least according to Chadok.

Too distracted, too oblivious to things happening around, too selfish. 

Akk was called selfish for not paying enough attention to others, he carried great responsibility and he was letting everyone in school down. The same old fucking story.

Akk was so busy with everything that he didn’t have the time to record any new videos, no new scripts were written. He managed to push out a prerecorded video earlier this week, but that just wasn’t… Akk was struggling. He was so busy with everything else that he didn’t have the time to record anything and that just fueled his guilt.

ASMR was his outlet, so without it, Akk was utterly lost.

Akk was in a hurry to leave the classroom, but while he was putting everything in his bag, he got too distracted with thinking about everything, so when he glanced up, he noticed that the classroom was pretty much empty. That was until he glanced at the door and saw Ayan standing by the door, not giving Akk the chance to slip away again.

Ayan was getting fed up with this. 

The word worry wasn’t enough to describe how Ayan was feeling lately. With Akk acting distant and weird, he felt absolutely awful, especially since he didn’t know what had happened. But, since the day that he spent the night over at Akk’s place, Akk was being distant and Ayan did have a terrible hunch what could’ve been wrong, but he didn’t want to go down that path.

If he was the reason… What if he pushed too much?

Akk said that he was fine with sharing the bed, but Ayan should’ve known that it would be too soon. It was an awful, terrible feeling. Ayan thought he had Akk’s consent to sleep next to him, so to think that Akk was perhaps just pretending in order to make him happy made him want to scream.

And the texts he received from Akk as MoonlightWhispers on the night that he spent at his place just made him feel even worse. The next day he tried talking to him about it as @halfawake , but Akk said that it was just a stupid nightmare, nothing more than that. 

However, Ayan also wasn’t blind to what was happening around – Chadok. 

Akk was called to his office three times already, so he figured that maybe Akk was shutting him out because of this as well – maybe he didn’t want to worry him. This was exactly why Ayan didn’t allow himself to spiral out too much with overthinking. It was never a good thing to do, so when he saw how distracted Akk was after the lesson ended, he decided to talk to him.

Both of them had a free period, so Akk wasn’t going anywhere. 

Akk grabbed onto the strap of his bag, trying to make it past Ayan as if nothing happened. His whole body was tense and Ayan narrowed his eyes when he saw just how tense Akk was. His shoulders were all raised and one glance at his hands told him enough when he saw that the wounds around his fingers were back.

Fuck.

Akk saw the look on Ayan’s face and he quickly dropped his gaze to where Ayan was staring, noticing that Ayan’s eyes were now on his fingers and he quickly pulled his hands away, pulling the jacket of the uniform over his hands. Ayan’s heart sank even deeper. 

“Aye, move, I’m in a hurry,” said Akk and tried to get past Ayan, who didn’t budge.

“No,” said Ayan.

“I don’t have time for this,” said Akk.

“We both have a free period now,” said Ayan. “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s been going on, Akk,” said Ayan, his voice a bit bitter, but also laced with so much worry that made Akk’s guilt even worse.

“Nothing happened,” lied Akk through his teeth.

“Oh, really?” asked Ayan and he didn’t know if he should cry or what – Akk was being too… “You’ve been acting all distant. I don’t like it.”

“I wasn’t, I’ve just been busy,” said Akk.

“You’re a terrible liar,” said Ayan, who was desperate to get through to him. Ayan could tell that Akk was lying to him, it was as clear as day to him. What he couldn’t figure out was why Akk would be lying to him. After everything they’ve been together, he still couldn’t trust him.

Ayan messed up, he was too selfish that night. 

Ayan shook his head and cleared his throat. 

“Akk, if this is about Chadok,” stammered Ayan because he still refused to believe that he was the reason behind this. If he was the reason behind the way Akk went back to hurting himself, if he  was the reason for Akk trying to close himself off, then Ayan wasn’t sure if his heart would be able to handle it.

Ayan was desperate. 

“It’s not,” said Akk quickly and he pressed his lips together, chewing on his lower lip. Akk didn’t want Ayan to worry about him – Akk was going to handle it himself. He just needed to figure out what he truly wanted, he needed to get his feelings under control and he didn’t want to hurt Ayan more in the process. But, if he continued to push more, then…

“Really?” asked Ayan and his lower lip twitched.

Akk quickly looked down and he nodded. 

“Yes,” whispered Akk. 

The heaviness in Ayan’s chest got even worse. Akk was lying, he knew that he was and yet… Ayan pressed his lips together, his heart sinking deeper and his eyes were searching for Akk’s, but the other one refused to even look at him. The pain in Ayan’s heart was unbearable, he couldn’t handle it.

If Akk hated him… 

“Akk,” stammered Ayan and Akk glanced at him slowly. Ayan’s breathing was fast and uneven and he was spiralling. Akk could see the signs, he could tell that Ayan was not okay, but he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what the trigger was for all of this. “Are you telling me that I’m the reason for this?” stammered Ayan.

Akk didn’t know what Ayan was aiming at, but then Ayan stepped forward and grabbed his hand. His fingers curled around Akk’s wrist too tightly, pulling onto his hand and he pushed his hand closer, turning it around, revealing the little wounds around Akk’s fingers and Akk panicked.

“Aye-”

“Answer me, please,” begged Ayan.

“Ayan, don’t!” almost yelled Akk and he looked like a deer caught in the headlights, trying his best to push Ayan away, but he wouldn’t budge. He pulled his hand closer again and Ayan’s lower lip was shaking again. Akk wanted to run away, he wanted to throw up when Ayan’s fingers trembled, his eyes now on his hands and he wanted to scream.

Ugly.

Those were ugly.

Akk felt exposed, he needed to run away, but the more that he tried to push Ayan away, Ayan just wouldn’t let go. Ayan’s eyes were on his fingers, heat prickling in his eyes because the guilt was unbearable. Ayan couldn’t breathe, the air in the classroom was suffocating, yet he couldn’t walk away.

Not now.

Not until this conversation was over.

Ever since the night he spent at his place, it was just…

Ayan’s throat burned, his chest aching and he tried to keep his voice steady. Akk looked scared, he looked so small and his eyes were also welling up with tears because Ayan just wouldn’t let go. 

Akk didn’t like it, he hated how things were between now. Ayan was his comfort zone, so why was he making it worse? Ayan looked like he was about to cry, he looked in physical pain and it was all Akk’s fault. 

Akk quickly ripped his hand away, finally, and stepped back. He hid his hands behind his back, his breathing uneven and his heart was pounding against his chest. 

“It’s not,” whispered Akk and made a pause. “It’s not because of you.”

“Don’t lie to me,” stammered Ayan. Akk didn’t even understand it – why would this be Ayan’s fault. “Ever since the night I spent at your place, you’ve been distant, you never have the time to hang out,” whispered Ayan and his lower lip was shaking, tears brimming up in his eyes. “It’s my fault, I should’ve slept on the floor. I-”

Akk’s eyes widened.

What?!

This was what all of this was about? 

Akk wanted to be upset with Ayan for not letting him through, but now that he actually heard why he was this persistent, almost desperate, Akk didn’t have it in him. Despite being terrified himself, Akk swallowed back that fear. He needed to make Ayan understand that none of this was actually his fault. 

It was all Akk.

It was all in his head. 

“No,” said Akk quickly and Ayan slowly glanced at him. “It’s… it’s not like that,” he said, but he could tell that Ayan didn’t believe him. God, Akk really needed to explain it better. “I swear it’s not because of that. I was the one who asked you to spend the night over at my place and I didn’t… You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Akk was all over the place, stumbling over his words, face burning up because he knew that he was screwing this up. His face burned with shame and embarrassment.

“It’s not your fault,” said Akk again and Ayan could feel himself slowly calming down, but then again, that didn’t really stop the storm inside of his head. Everything was just… “I promise. Okay?”

Ayan didn’t respond, he didn’t reply and the panic was rising again.

Ayan still didn’t believe him? 

Akk was starting to curl in on himself, wanting to disappear because felt like he had done something terrible. He was screwing all of this up.

“Please, tell me you believe-”

“Then why?” whispered Ayan as his frown deepened. He wanted to reach out to Akk, but he kept his hands at his sides, fingers twitching nervously. “I don’t understand.” 

Silence fell flat between them.

“Akk,” said Ayan as Akk glanced down. “Look, I don’t care what it is, mn? If it’s not me, as you say… You can tell me anything. If it’s Chadok or something else bothering you, tell me.”

Akk was holding in his breath as he glanced at him and that was when Ayan finally saw it – everything. Akk’s eyes told him so much – there was exhaustion, guilt, frustration, anger, self-hatred. Ayan wished he knew how to take Akk’s pain away.

Akk was breaking and he didn’t know how to stop it. 

“Akk-”

“It’s just,” stammered Akk as he didn’t really know where he was going with that. His head was spinning, but this week was hell , so to finally have someone willing to listen to him was just…

Akk didn’t deserve him.

Not after how he treated Ayan.

“Yes?” asked Ayan, his voice laced with hope. 

“There’s just a lot going on,” muttered Akk. That was him putting it lightly. There was too much going on, all of it piling up on top of each other, making it difficult for Akk to breathe and he hated it. He hated how he couldn’t deal with this shit. 

If he only had the time to go back to recording his videos, then everything was going to be okay. Akk knew it, but he didn’t have the time, there was so much that he had to do. He was at school for too long, then he had to go back to the dorm to finish the homework and he was just completely drained.

“Akk?” whispered Ayan because he could tell that Akk wanted to tell him, but there was just something holding him back, which hurt. Why would Akk just tell him – they have made so much progress? Were they now going back to the time when Akk couldn’t trust him?

Ayan swallowed his own pain and he gently curled his fingers around Akk’s wrists, his thumb gently caressing the back of Akk’s palm and he tried to soothe him. In any shape, way or form. Ayan was just desperate to cheer Akk up.

Ayan couldn’t… 

Akk felt like he was letting everyone down.

The whole school, for doing such a poor job at being the head prefect.

Akk was letting down teacher Chadok, who put so much trust into him.

Akk was letting down Ayan. 

“I just feel like I’m letting everyone down,” said Akk and as those words left his mouth, he almost broke down. His eyes were now bruning, the rest of the words fearing to make an escape, but he just… Ayan tensed up and he gently slipped his hand into Akk’s, trying to calm him down, his heart breaking when he saw those wounds… 

“Who said that, hm?” asked Ayan and shook his head. “Chadok, is it?!”

Akk shook his head, but it was clearly a lie.

“Don’t try to defend that son of a bitch,” said Ayan and he gritted his teeth. “Damn it, Akk, is this really worth it?! Is being the prefect really worth all this pain and stress?!” asked Ayan, raising his voice more than he intended and he could see Akk flinching.

“I just want to do a good job!” said Akk and his voice was now breaking terribly, vision blurry and as he blinked, tears fell. “Is this such a bad thing?”

“No, Akk, but you have to put yourself first, you can’t let that bastard-”

“Not just him, I’m not letting just teacher Chadok down, but everyone. This whole school- ”

“Akk, please, listen to me when I say this, okay?” asked Ayan and Akk wasn’t listening. That was why he leaned closer and gently held Akk’s face as he needed Akk to look at him. He needed Akk to understand that it wasn’t his burden to bear, the teachers were the ones responsible for what happened at the school, not him. 

Akk’s heart was hammering when he felt Ayan’s fingers pressing into his cheeks, holding him in place, gently yet firmly enough for him to not look away, but the tears continued to overflow, closing his eyes and Akk gritted his teeth, feeling himself getting teary-eyed again.

“I know, but- ”

“There’s no-”

“I let you down,” stammered Akk and finally said the thing that was bothering him the most. There was more than one way that Akk felt like he was letting Ayan down. It was the pushing away, that was for sure, but there were also the dreams that he felt horrible about having. The kiss that happened in the dream was something that Akk still found-

Akk hiccuped and closed his eyes, Ayan’s eyes falling down, blood running cold when he saw that Akk was again picking the skin around his thumbs. 

“Akk, don’t,” said Ayan and quickly grabbed his hands. He expected Akk to shove him away, but Akk didn’t have the strength. Ayan’s hand was so warm, so gentle in his. Akk didn’t want to keep running for much longer – this week was hell, he needed this to stop. 

Closer.

Akk needed Ayan closer.

“I’m sorry,” whispered Akk. “I didn’t-”

The only one who knew how to slow down his mind was Ayan.

Ayan’s body moved before his mind could catch up with him, but he just stepped closer, slowly let go of Akk’s hands and slowly took the bag that was still resting on Akk’s shoulder. The two of them were still in the classroom, but at the moment, the world around them melted away. It was just the two of them in that empty classroom – no one else existed.

No one else mattered.

Tears spilled over as Ayan listened to Akk’s little broken sniffles and sobs and he finally did what he should’ve done a long time ago. He wrapped his arms around Akk and pulled him closer and down for a hug. Akk didn’t even fight it, his body melted against Ayan’s in an instant.

“You didn’t let me down, I promise,” whispered Ayan and Akk teared up again. 

“I’m sorry,” stammered Akk.

“Akk, it’s okay, I’m not-”

“ Please, don’t hate me,” whispered Akk and that broke Ayan.

Akk knew, he knew that he messed up and Ayan had every right to be upset, but he didn’t… he couldn’t handle Ayan hating him.

“I don’t hate you, Akk, I could never,” whispered Ayan, voice shaky. “Remember, Akk, okay? You’re allowed to be weak,” whispered Ayan and slowly pulled away, holding Akk in place as he looked into his face. Akk’s lower lip shook when he said that and he took a sharp breath in. “At least when you’re with me, okay?”

Akk leaned against him again and nodded. Ayan was truly his safe zone. Akk couldn’t speak, he just…

“Mm.”

“It’s okay, I was just so worried. I’ve missed you so much.”

Akk was standing still, but the second that Ayan confessed to missing him and not hating him, something in within Akk snapped and he just wrapped his own arms around Ayan’s waist as well and buried himself closer, hiding his face into the crook of Ayan’s neck and he took a deep breath, the warmth and the smell of Ayan’s shampoo slowly calming him down, but the tears wouldn’t stop.

Ayan was trying to fight his tears, but they kept rolling down his cheek as his hand slowly came up to support Akk’s head, pulling him closer, gently threading his fingers through his hair.

Akk closed his eyes tightly shut as he latched onto Ayan with everything that he had. Ayan smelled like warmth, like the sun, bringing him back home and Akk finally felt ground under his feet again. God, he was so fucking dumb for ever thinking it was a good idea to push Ayan away. 

“I’ve missed you too,” whispered Akk and Ayan smiled through his tears and slowly pulled away, breaking the hug. His hands were wiping the tears still rolling down Akk’s cheeks, gently brushing against his cheeks and then he ruffled his hair, trying to make Akk smile.

“That should’ve been your first clue it was a dumb idea to push me away,” said Ayan, almost pouting, but not quite, as he was still trying to stop the tears. Ayan was scolding him, in a gentle manner and Akk realised that he was the one who made Ayan cry.

Damn it…

Akk wanted to return the favour, so he clumsily started wiping Ayan’s tears as well, both of them bursting into soft chuckles and giggles when they realised how silly the two of them were acting, Akk shaking his head and Ayan pressed his lips together as he slowly pulled away.

Akk had a smile on his face now.

Good.

There should only be a smile on his face, never tears.

“We must stay together and work against Chadok, that idiot,” said Ayan and Akk sniffled, his nose still feeling a bit stuffy, Ayan reaching into his pocket and he handed Akk a tissue. 

Ayan always knew how to take good care of him.

Akk smiled sheepishly and Ayan’s heart made a little jump as he watched Akk next to him, the realisation sinking deeper and deeper that – this wasn’t just some silly school boy crush. No, what he felt for Akk was much more than that.

Ayan was seriously falling for Akk.

Ayan had a huge smile on his face as he was sitting on the opposite side of Akk. It was after class, the two of them stopping by one of those small ice cream shots that just happened to be near Suppalo – Ayan kept going on and on about how much he wanted something sweet, so Akk decided to go with him. The coffee shop was small, but Akk liked it. He had been there a couple of times and because Ayan said that he wanted to try something new, this was where the two of them went.

Just the two of them, sitting at the table and sharing an ice cream – a big cup of ice cream, two spoons digging into the dessert. Ayan insisted on the two of them getting one ice cream because sharing food made it taste better. 

Akk was too flustered to say anything, so he just went with it. 

Since the ice cream shop was quite near to their school, there were a couple of other students wearing the same uniforms as them, but they were juniors. Since Akk was the head prefect, everyone’s eyes were on him.

“People are staring,” Akk complained and Ayan snickered.

“Let them,” said Ayan and Akk ducked his head down. “It’s because you’re a scary prefect, but don’t let them bother you too much. It’s just you and-”

“I’m not scary,” said Akk and rolled his eyes, his response having the usual bite in it and Ayan smiled when he got scolded. However, then Akk’s mood depleted a bit and he glanced at him. “Am I?” 

Akk’s voice was small, his eyes got all big and Ayan pressed his lips together. Akk was too cute, Ayan couldn’t handle it. 

“I’m just teasing,” said Ayan and winked.

The wink caused Akk’s face to flush and he quickly looked away. However, Akk felt better. After he and Ayan had the talk in the empty classroom, after he let it all out, he felt much better. For now, he wasn’t thinking about Chadok and everything else. The only thing that his mind was focused on right now was sharing the ice cream with Ayan.

Akk’s cheeks were burning up. 

Akk kept carefully scooping the ice cream, making sure to avoid any spot that Ayan had just eaten from. And Ayan noticed that, of course he did. A pout formed on his lips and he leaned over to Akk, who straightened his back up when he saw that Ayan’s eyes were on him.

Ayan also felt better – he was happy that the two of them managed to talk out the misunderstanding. There was still one thing that he didn’t understand – it was the messages he got from Akk that night, but that was something they were going to talk about later. What mattered now was that he and Akk were back on speaking terms. Ayan decided to put the whole blame for what happened on Chadok. If he bothered Akk one more time, then Ayan was going to do something about it. 

Akk was shy as he kept eating ice cream. He kept thinking about the same thing over and over again – what if they accidentally shared a spoon, or what if he touched the same spot as Ayan?! It was no big deal, of course not, they were friends, but Akk’s eyes fell onto Ayan’s lips. The pink tongue slipped past his lips, licking across his lower lip as he licked the spoon clean and Akk let out a strangled groan.

Ayan tipped his head to the side, looking at Akk way too innocently. 

“Anyway,” said Akk and cleared his throat. “I should’ve just gotten my own ice cream. It would be-”

“No, this is better,” said Ayan and then his eyes wandered to the side, looking at the ice cream shop. “This place reminds me of this little coffee shop that my uncle used to take me to when I was younger,” said Ayan and Akk’s facial expression softened when Ayan suddenly mentioned his uncle. 

“Oh?”

“Yeah, it was our special spot, he would take me there after school when I was a kid,” said Ayan and smiled a little bit as he was now stirring the melting ice cream, clearly deep in thought. “If I had a bad day or if I was sick of studying – it didn’t really matter. Even if there was no reason at all, we would go to this little place and just sit there, share an ice cream and it would always cheer me up.”

As Akk listened, he watched how Ayan’s facial expression changed. Usually, when he would mention his uncle, Ayan was always sad, but now there was a genuine smile on his face, laced with something that Akk couldn’t really…

“Your uncle really sounds like an amazing person,” said Akk, using the present tense and Ayan was a bit surprised, but then he chuckled and smiled.

“He was,” said Ayan. “He was the only person that made me feel this understood,” said Ayan, his fingers slowly tapping against the table and he slowly glanced up at Akk. “Kind of like you do now,” said Ayan and Akk froze when he said that.

Perhaps Ayan shouldn’t have said that, but it was the truth. Those words hung heavy between the two of them as silence fell and Akk just stabbed his plastic spoon into the melting ice cream and stuffed his mouth full of it. Akk’s heart was hammering against his ribcage as he tried to even out his breathing.

What was he supposed to say back?

Akk kept shoveling the ice cream into his mouth and Ayan chuckled when he saw Akk – always a messy eater, huh? Akk was lost when he heard a chuckle, but his eyes widened when he saw Ayan leaning closer. Akk had some of the ice cream stuck in the corner of his lips and at this point, he was convinced that Akk was doing this on purpose.

Ayan reached closer to wipe Akk’s lips clean. Unlike the time at the coffee shop when they were sharing cake, Akk didn’t move away. Akk stood perfectly still, his eyes locked with Ayan’s, who laughed softly and wiped his lips clean, picking up a napkin and Akk couldn’t breathe. 

Ayan said something under his breath.

Something that Akk couldn't really make out what it was, but if he truly tried to de-code the meaning of his words it sounded as cute. But, Akk was surely just hearing things.

“There, better,” said Ayan and Akk just swallowed thickly and looked away.

Ayan’s eyes were on Akk and he smiled softly, sighing along. 

It truly was time for Ayan to come clean about everything.

A couple of days later Ayan had big plans that day.

Ayan invited Akk over after school because he had something important to do. Ayan was scared shitless because he had no idea how Akk was going to react, but it was finally the time to drop this act. After making up, Ayan decided that he also needed to stop hiding things from Akk. He couldn’t keep it up anymore.

There was a big chance that Akk was going to be angry and betrayed, but the truth needed to come out. 

So far, Ayan didn’t get to it, though. The two of them were in his room. Ayan was showing Akk pictures from his childhood, telling Akk little funny stories that would accompany each photo and Akk was having fun, smiling and laughing along at Ayan’s silly stories.

Ayan never ran out of interesting and fun stories, huh? 

Akk knew he should be getting ready for the meeting with the prefect club that was happening tomorrow, but right now he couldn’t deal with anything. That was why he decided to go over to Ayan’s place and spend the rest of the day there, hopefully. 

But, Akk still needed to call Wat and Khan that they were going to meet up tomorrow in the morning to talk things through before the meeting. All three of them were busy today, so the morning was better – Khan was with Thua, Wat was working on a new short film and Akk was with Ayan.

They kept talking for a little while, Ayan’s eyes on Akk, who kept laughing at his jokes. He looked so beautiful like this; the smile was bright, his laughter transforming into soft little giggles, their pitch rising.

“Are you sure all of this happened to you?” asked Akk and Ayan nodded, the smile growing.

“Yep.”

“You need to write a book about yourself then,” said Akk and Ayan rolled his eyes, feeling his heartbeat fastening, the words stuck at the back of his throat and he wanted to say something, but then he heard…

“ Aye! Come here for a second! ”

Ayan’s mom was home.

Ayan huffed and finally exhaled, shaking his head, while Akk only grinned. 

“This’ll take only a second,” said Ayan.

“It’s okay,” said Akk and shrugged, Ayan lazily standing up. “I’ll call Khan in the meantime. We have to meet up tomorrow morning,” said Akk and Ayan gave him a little nod as he started making his way to the door, but then he turned around when he heard Akk.

“Damn it,” said Akk.

“What happened?” asked Ayan.

“My phone died,” whined Akk and Ayan shrugged.

“You can use mine. I have his number, anyway,” said Ayan and leaned over to the nightstand, giving his phone to Akk. “You can charge your phone in the meantime,” he said and handed the phone charger to Akk, who smiled.

“Thanks,” said Akk. “What’s the passcode?”

“0412,” replied Ayan.

“Okay, thanks,” said Akk, but his brain immediately stopped on those numbers – 0412 as in the 4th of December?! As in his birthday?! Akk blinked down at the screen, but Ayan already slipped out of his room and Akk just shook his head.

No, no.

What was he thinking?

Akk pushed away those thoughts and typed in the code, the screen of Ayan+s phone unlocking. All that Akk was about to do was call Khan, nothing more, but as he unlocked the screen, there was already an app open.

Instagram .

More specifically – the direct message portion of the app.

Akk’s stomach flopped and he didn’t mean to look, he really didn’t. This was none of his business, he was about to close the app and just call Khan. It would be better if did instead of something else catching his attention. 

Something that made the world around Akk stop, his breath hitching. 

Akk saw his own username looking back at him.

DMs between MoonlightWhispers and who?

Akk’s stomach twisted as his eyes travelled up the screen.

@halfawake

What was this?

What was… going on?

Akk kept gripping onto Ayan’s phone, his grip tightening and he kept just staring at the words, blinking, trying to make sure that he was… But there it was, those words sat there, unmoving. The username that was signed into the app truly was no other than @halfawake.

What the fuck?!

Akk tapped onto the messages with Moonlightwhispers and he kept scrolling up. Akk scrolled and scrolled, thinking this was some sort of a trick, but the messages were all there. The messages he sent to @halfawake , it was all there.

Why?

Why did Ayan have them?

It still didn't click. Akk didn’t really piece it together, what this truly meant. That Ayan was in fact @halfawake.

Because, that couldn’t be the truth.

It was Ayan.

All this time, it was Ayan?!

Akk’s head was spinning and the realisation hit him like a wave crashing into the rocks, hitting and overspilling all at once. The phone was suddenly too heavy in his grip, his knuckles turning white to the bone and he felt sick. His stomach turned, churned.

It felt like someone had just punched him.

Akk dropped the phone, his hands shaking as only one question burned his mind – why?!

Chapter Text

The minutes dragged out for too long, feeling like hours have passed as Akk just sat there, the phone now resting in front of him as he was still slowly wrapping his head around everything. His breath was shaky as he was staring down at the phone, blinking a few times, trying to ground himself, trying to make sure that this truly was real.

The shock was clinging onto him and refusing to leave any time soon, constricting around his chest, squeezing on his ribs as he was trying to breathe, but it was difficult. All of this was just too much for Akk to process because what was this? How could this even happen?!

Ayan was @halfawake .

It was just too much to process. The realisation was still hitting him in waves, screaming inside of his head. Inside, Akk was screaming, but he was just petrified and he gritted his teeth. 

Why?

How? 

Just what were the chances that Ayan and @halfawake were the same person? It didn’t feel real, it really didn’t. Akk’s head felt hazy, the time had slowed down, almost stopped. Akk kept glancing at the phone, the screen of it now black as the screen had locked itself again and Akk glanced down, watching his own reflection staring back at him. 

Akk’s hands were shaking like crazy, feeling clammy to the touch. He wiped them clean into his pants as he waited for the fog in his mind to lift up. He couldn’t really process this, he needed more time for this to actually sink in. How was he supposed to react, what was he supposed to think?

Akk’s heart was hammering against his ribcage, his throat feeling too dry and he felt like he was yet again running out of air. He was still staring back at the reflection staring back at him from the darkened phone screen. His eyes were wide and his face was pale, Akk couldn’t really recognise the person staring back at him. Nothing made sense. 

It almost felt like a joke, but it wasn’t.

The evidence was right there, all those messages that he had sent to @halfawake were sitting in Ayan’s inbox and he gritted his teeth, his stomach making a flop as he was trying to make sense of this.

But, Akk couldn’t. 

Akk’s head was spinning. All that he could think about was him and @halfawake chatting at late hours, telling each other things about each other. The flirting, the teasing, the  way the two of them got closer online – was any of this real? And how much did Ayan know?

Akk shook his head.

Ayan couldn’t have known that he was talking to him, right?

Ayan didn’t know. 

If Ayan found out, he would’ve told him, Akk was sure of it. There was no way that Ayan would go behind his back and keep pretending all this time. That was just not an option that Akk wanted to believe in, so he swallowed thickly. Akk’s fingers dug into the fabric of his pants, nails digging into the skin as he tried to even out his breathing.

Again.

Akk needed to see those messages again, he needed to confirm one more time that what he saw before was real. His trembling fingers picked up Ayan’s phone again, tapping in the passcode, the screen of the phone unlocking and he dragged his teeth against his lower lip as the screen lit up, those messages yet again staring up at him and his head was spinning.

It was real.

It was all fucking real. 

Akk kept scrolling through the messages, not really paying attention to his surroundings. Akk was too distracted, too distraught to notice how the door of the room opened, Ayan already back and Akk flinched when heard the door suddenly opening, glancing to the side and his hands fumbling with the phone when he saw that Ayan was already back.

Shit. 

Akk was starting to panic, he needed to do something, he needed to say something, but his head was completely a mess. There was too much going on at once, everything was too overwhelming and he quickly looked away, his fingers still resting on the screen, so the phone didn’t lock itself back up. 

“Sorry it took so long,” said Ayan, completely casually, unaware of what had just happened before he got back and he slowly shut the door behind him, rubbing the back of his neck as he pressed his lips together. “Mom’s wondering if you’re staying for dinner. She says she’s making curry rice,” said Ayan. “I might be biased, but she makes the best curry rice in the world, so you should really stay.”

Ayan kept talking as if nothing happened.

Nothing happened for him, while Akk’s whole world changed in the span of five freaking minutes. 

Akk didn’t answer, he couldn’t. His throat was tightening up, he couldn’t even breathe properly, let alone speak. His mind wasn’t working, he couldn’t string together a coherent sentence, even if he wanted to. 

Akk’s eyes flickered over to the messages instead and he gulped, swallowing thickly. His lips  felt too dry, feeling like sandpaper, his heart leaping to his throat. The only good thing about this was that Akk was currently turned away from Ayan, so the other one couldn't see the expression that was on his face. 

However, Ayan’s eyes were fast as always, always too observant for his own good. He had the ability to read Akk like an open book, always able to pick up on the smallest of the hints, the smallest of the mood shifts, everything. This was why this time was no different.

Akk was too quiet.

“Akk?” asked Ayan. “Did you manage to reach Khan?”

“He didn’t pick up,” said Akk, not recognising the sound of his own voice. It felt like he was trapped in that dream again, but this time, he wasn’t waking up and he knew it. 

“Are you okay?” asked Ayan and stepped closer.

Akk didn’t answer. Instead, he panicked when he heard footsteps getting closer to the bed. His whole body was numb, he needed to hide the evidence of what had just happened – he didn’t want Ayan to see him snooping through his phone. Akk was convinced that Ayan didn’t know about him being actually MoonlightWhispers. That was why he panicked, but his body wouldn’t listen.

As always, too clumsy.

As always, messing everything up.

Ayan’s phone nearly slipped past his grasp. His fingers fumbled, trying to hold onto it, trying to tap out of the app, trying to hold onto it, but it was too late as Ayan was already there, stepping forward and reaching out before his phone could fall to the ground as Akk flinched and turned to the side. 

The phone fell out of Akk’s hands, but Ayan was fast enough, catching his phone at the very last moment, smiling softly because Akk was as clumsy in real life as he was in his videos. Ayan was about to make a little joke about it, but he could feel that there was something seriously off about the whole thing.

Akk’s face was pale, his eyes big and he looked confused.

Ayan glanced down to his phone, catching a quick glimpse of what was on the screen before the phone locked, the screen going dark. It was barely for a second, but Ayan saw it. Only if it was for barely a second, it didn’t matter.

The world around Ayan stopped. 

Akk saw.

Akk had seen the messages.

How?!

Ayan knew Akk wouldn’t snoop around his phone, but then he remembered that he let the app open before. He didn’t think too much of it, really. He didn’t intend on lending Akk his phone, but right now, he felt like the biggest idiot ever. It didn’t really matter what the cause was, what mattered was that it was just… damn it. 

This wasn’t how Ayan wanted Akk to find out. He wanted to be the one to tell him, he wanted Akk to understand the whole picture. The world around Ayan was starting to spin and he felt his stomach churning on him, feeling sick down to his stomach because his worst fears came true.

Akk found out the truth in the very worst way possible. 

There were so many ways that Akk could learn the truth and this one was just…

Ayan wanted to scream, but he knew – this was his fault.

Ayan’s breath shook and Akk’s stomach twisted violently, thinking that Ayan was angry with him. Upset. He had every right to – Akk knew how this looked. Like he was snooping through his phone, which was an invasion of his privacy, guilt slowly seeping in and he pressed his lips together. 

“Aye,” whispered Akk. “I, uh, I know what this looks like,” he said and Ayan slowly looked towards Akk, who was trying his best not to freak out. “But, I didn’t mean to… I mean, the app was open, I wasn’t going through your phone, I wasn’t snooping around your phone. I wouldn’t-” whispered Akk and clasped his hands together.

It looked really, really bad. 

Ayan’s heart dropped even lower, if that was possible.

Oh, Akk had nothing to apologise for. The fact that he was the one apologising right now just made the situation ten times worse. Ayan felt like a piece of shit. Akk didn’t deserve this and he knew that no matter how or what Ayan was going to say, that it was going to leave Akk feeling betrayed.

Ayan wouldn’t even blame him.

Ayan could just hope that Akk would give him the chance to properly explain. 

It was…

“Akk,” said Ayan and Akk froze. 

“I’m sorry,” said Akk again.

“Please, stop,” whispered Ayan and Akk frowned. “Don’t… I mean,” he said and finally looked atAyan, panic flashing in his eyes. This was the first time that Akk had seen Ayan like this – scared, terrified. Akk didn’t really get it at first. 

It didn’t even cross his mind that Ayan already knew the truth.

It wasn’t even a possibility in Akk’s mind because Ayan would never deceive him like this.

“ You're not the one who should be apologising right now,” whispered Ayan and laughed bitterly. Oh, it was bad. It was really bad. “I’m sorry, I really didn’t want to… I didn’t,” stammered Ayan and ran fingers through his hair as he placed the phone down. 

Akk frowned and his breath hitched.

What?

Akk’s mind was still catching up with everything, still struggling to process everything, but what Ayan was saying right now didn't make any sense. Ayan looked stressed as hell as he was now walking around in circles, trying to find words, but there was nothing that he could say or do that would make this right. Ayan was terrified of Akk’s reaction, but any reaction would be a valid one.

Ayan was just… 

Needed to stop stalling and tell Akk the truth. 

“This wasn’t how this was about to happen,” stammered Ayan. “ Shit. ”

There was something about Ayan’s words that Akk couldn’t really explain, but he didn’t like where this was going. There was something at the back of his mind yelling at him, yelling at him that he needed to snap out of it. That he needed to stop being so blind.

“I don’t understand,” said Akk, but he sounded out of breath.

Akk knew.

It was slowly starting to click, but he didn’t want it to be true.

“You weren’t supposed to find out like this,” said Ayan and he sounded like he was about to cry. He was frustrated, Ayan wished he could handle this better. He was always acting calm, trying to make it seem like he had it all figured out, but he had figured out shit. 

“Aye?” asked Akk and slowly stood up. 

No, no, no.

“ You weren’t supposed to find out like this. ”

No!

Just, no.

Ayan wouldn’t. He wouldn’t…

Akk shook his head. He stood perfectly still, but inside of him, there was a storm going on. It took everything from him to not storm out because he didn’t want to hear the rest. It was going to break him, it was going to destroy him.

Ayan could tell that Akk’s mind caught up with him, that he had figured out the rest and he stepped closer to Akk, who took a sharp breath in and stepped back. Akk wasn’t thinking, he was in fight or flight mode. The walls were coming up, Akk’s chest heaved.

Ayan opened his lips, but he couldn’t form the words. 

“I swear I can explain,” said Ayan. His voice came out as a plea.

Ayan was pleading with Akk to give him the chance to explain. 

“Explain what?” whispered Akk.

The question backed Ayan into a corner, but he pushed through. There was no other way out, but telling the truth. There was slight hesitation in Ayan’s eyes, the way that he glanced down and Akk wanted to scream.

Ayan knew.

Ayan knew that he was MoonlightWhispers?

For how long?

What was this?

Was Ayan pretending, playing along all this time? What was with all the flirting and teasing, everything that happened between the two of them in direct messages? What was the purpose?!

Akk’s head felt like it was about to explode.

“Akk-”

“You knew? ” asked Akk, his voice trembling and the pain in his voice was unbearable. Putting it all into words hit him like a wave, all at once. Saying it out loud made it real. “You knew, you knew all this time!” he said, raising his voice and his eyes burned, his throat tightening up.

“Let me explain,” said Ayan.

“For how long?” asked Akk and Ayan’s eyes travelled to the side, his chest feeling heavy and anger flashed in Akk’s eyes. His hands curled into fists, stomach twisting. “How long have you known?”

Akk needed to know.

Akk deserved to know. 

Ayan hesitated for way too long before he finally replied. Something told Akk that he wasn’t going to like the answer and he was right.

“I found out a little while ago,” admitted Ayan, tears rushing to his eyes, not because it hurt him, but because he knew it was going to break Akk’s heart. “But, I swear, I didn’t know from the beginning,” said Ayan. 

Ayan knew and he said nothing to him.

Ayan knew and he chose to pretend that he didn’t.

Ayan chose to lie to him. 

It didn’t really matter to Akk how long Ayan had known for, it didn’t really change the fact that he still chose to hide the truth from him and pretend like he didn’t know. It was just… It made no sense. Why would Ayan do that? Ayan bowed his head and waited for Akk to say something, but there was just silence and he felt his chest twisting.

Ayan attempted to make a step forward, but Akk took a step back and shook his head.

“No, don’t- ”

“Akk,” whispered Ayan. “I swear I didn’t mean-”

“Were you ever going to tell me?” asked Akk, the room around him spinning. He needed to sit down, he was losing the ground underneath his feet. 

“Yeah,” said Ayan because he hated this. He hated the way Akk stepped away when he got closer to him, he hated the look in Akk’s eyes, he hated everything about this. And the very most, he hated himself at the very moment. This was all his fault. If he just told Akk sooner, then… “As a matter of fact, I was going to tell you today.”

Akk let out a bitter, broken laugh as he shook his head.

“Oh, sure,” said Akk, not believing it for a second. Ayan was just about to tell him as he found out. “Do you really think I’m this stupid?”

“No, Akk.”

“Was this fun for you?” asked Akk, who wasn’t really paying attention to what was coming out of his mouth anymore. It hurt, it hurt too much, his walls were completely closing up and Akk knew he was going to end up saying something that he was going to regret later.

Ayan was asking to be heard out, but Akk couldn’t… He didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to hear more excuses. He just needed time to process all of this. 

“What-what was this? Some sort of a game? A bet?” kept on saying Akk.