Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Dean Winchester’s retirement from hunting wasn’t something he planned on before the age of thirty.

Having started hunting with John when he was only four, Dean was adamant on taking the same steps his father had, to hunt the thing that had killed his mom. Things slowed down when Dean was a little older and John suggested he might want to go to college. Initially Dean had been thrilled, wanting to get out and be a normal person. But he found himself missing the life a little and dropped out after a semester, only to find John had shacked up with some woman named Mary and they were expecting a baby together.

He was eighteen and apparently about to be a big brother.

Mary turned out to be an incredible light in Dean’s life so when he returned to Lawrence, Kansas after dropping out of college, he found himself eager to stay. Mary had done a good job of softening John too, so even the oldest Winchester wasn’t as upset as he maybe would have been if Dean had come home to just him.

Then Sam was born and Dean found he had a natural gift for entertaining the small bundle of brother he’d been gifted. For six months the family was happy, and Dean wanted nothing more than to help out with Sammy. He fed the baby, bathed him, changed his diapers. Sometimes Mary would wake up in the middle of the night and find Dean fast asleep in the rocking chair in the room, Sammy asleep on his chest. John grumbled a little about Dean going out and finding a real job, but Mary would quickly shush him and would tell Dean to stick around as long as he wanted to.

Dean began to love Mary like he’d loved his own mother. John slowly began to hunt again, but Mary wasn’t worried. She knew what burden he felt when Dean’s mom had died and wanted her husband to feel satisfied with knowing the demon was dead. And Dean being home meant Dean had to watch the house and protect Mary and Sam at all costs.

One night in November, Dean had come inside after being out all night the night before in the garage and all of that day too. John had told him if he could get the Chevy Impala sitting in the garage to work then it would be his. A giddy, almost nineteen-year-old Dean had gotten to work on it immediately. After finally getting the engine to turn, he came back inside, exhausted and grateful Mary had cooked a big dinner. John had left for a hunt earlier that day and Dean was tasked with the usual watching over the home job.

Usually when John left on a hunt, Dean would stay up all night in the living room and keep his EMF reader on, just to make sure the house was safe while he rested with his shotgun, loaded with rock salt, by his side.

This particular night Dean fell asleep watching an old Eastwood film. If you asked him which one, he wouldn’t be able to tell you because he had fallen asleep at about ten minutes into it. It was only Mary’s screams that caused him to rouse, and Dean was running up the stairs as fast as he could. He ran into Sammy’s room and saw a figure standing over the baby’s crib.

“Hey!” Dean yelled, gaining the attention of the figure. A pair of yellowed eyes stared back at him. “Get the fuck away from my brother!”

Rifle cocked, Dean shot, and the figure disintegrated into thin air. Dean threw the gun down and went to check Sammy. The boy was laying in his crib, staring up at Dean with wide eyes. Dean picked up the young boy and held him tightly, looking down into those big eyes of his.

Then, a red drop landed on Sammy’s forehead.

And another.

Frowning, Dean carefully turned and looked up to find Mary pinned to the ceiling. For a split second he wondered how the hell to get her down, but only a split second because her body all of a sudden burst into flames. Dean’s eyes were wide with fear as he gripped Sammy tightly and ran him out of the house.

It was three days before John finally returned to Lawrence.

Dean and Sam had been staying with Pastor Jim Murphy in that time, Dean having been convinced by Jim and his dad’s good friend Bobby Singer to lie to the police about the house fire. To say Mary had been trapped and after rescuing Sammy, Dean couldn’t get to her without risking his baby brother’s death. The local community thought Dean a hero with a tragic story. John thought different.

~~

“What the hell were you thinking?” John yelled the minute he was locked in Pastor Jim’s cellar with Dean.

“I-I didn’t know it was a demon Dad, I swear!”

John shook his head. “You’re a fucking idiot, you know that? An absolute fucking dumbass! I give you one job when I go away, to watch over Mary and Sam. And you can’t even get that right? Fuck, Dean!”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“Get out”

Dean’s eyes were glassed over with a sheen of tears that threatened to fall, not that he’d willingly cry in front of John Winchester. “What?”

“Get out of Lawrence, go do something else with your life, anything. Stay away from Sammy and I, we don’t need you” John said, malice dripping from each word.

“Dad, I said I was sorry! Please, I’ll look after Sammy while you hunt”

“You got that fucking car going right? Get in it and don’t come back”

The cellar door was opened and slammed shut as John left, leaving no room for anymore conversation. Dean could have broken down in that moment and cried, but he didn’t. He took his dad’s advice, and he left.

~~

Over the next seven years, Dean had no word from anyone about anything. About how Sam was doing, how John was doing, nothing. He hadn’t even stayed for Mary’s funeral though he’d stopped in Lawrence once to visit her grave since he’d left.

Where did he go? Everywhere. Dean began developing his own techniques of hunting and would drive off in the Impala all over the country every few months hunting something new. Every so often he’d find work as a mechanic in some small town in order to save up some money. But he lived most of his life nomadically, never staying in one place for long. He’d even met an Angel along the way, Castiel, who had quickly become one of Dean’s closest allies and friends. And it had nothing to do with the fact that Cas could sometimes see Sammy and how he was doing, no, nothing at all.

Well, it wasn’t completely not that, but Cas did prove himself as a friend and ally in aiding Dean’s hunts. When they’d tearfully had to say goodbye to one another after a few years after Bobby called Dean out of the blue and said he needed to come see him about Sammy, Dean felt like his heart was ripped out of his chest and not just because he was afraid something had happened to his little brother. But it ended up being needed because Cas was no longer able to stay on earth, he had things to do in heaven. So Cas left, and Dean went to Bobby’s, to see his baby brother for the first time in seven-and-a-half years.

Arriving at Bobby’s house, Dean was suddenly nervous. He could hear the cartoons playing so he figured the kid was actually here at Bobby’s. Sammy probably wouldn’t even recognise him, he was pretty sure. And if John had anything to do with Sammy’s upbringing then Sam might not even know he had an older brother. Dean held his breath as he opened the door. “Bobby?”

“DEAN!” A voice yelled before a boy with long, mousy brown hair leapt at him.

“Woah, hey Sammy!” Dean said, having recognised his younger brother immediately. He looked just like Mary, but his hair was the same colour as John’s.

“I knew you’d come! See, Uncle Bobby? I told you he’d come to see me!”

Bobby Singer walked out and chuckled. “I see, let him go, ya idjit. He only just walked through the dang door”

Sam blushed but slid out of Dean’s arms. Dean smiled down at him before he looked up at one of his father’s oldest friends. “Bobby”

“Dean” Bobby replied, holding a hand out that Dean grasped in a firm handshake. “Heard the purr of ya engine, still drivin’ the Impala then huh?”

“Hell yes. It’s my Baby” Dean replied with a chuckle. Sam was standing close to the two men, eyes wide with excitement. Bobby cleared his throat.

“Now, it’s gettin’ close to your bedtime Sammy, get upstairs and get that butt of yours through the shower”

“My name is Sam” Sam said with a pointed tone.

“I’ll call ya what I want now get, before I send ya to bed early!”

“Okay Uncle Bobby. Can I please come down and talk to Dean after?” Sammy asked, his eyes melting into puppy-dog eyes that made Dean feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

“If ya promise to go to bed when I tell ya too, course ya can”

“I will!” Sammy replied as he ran for the stairs.

“Sit, can I get ya a beer?” Bobby invited. Dean looked at Bobby.

“What’s this about?”

“I think you’d better sit if that’s the story ya want”

Dean sat on the couch as Bobby rested in his armchair. “Okay Bobby, why am I here after almost eight years?”

“Your Daddy dropped him off about a week ago and ain’t been back for him. Ain’t answering his phone neither.”

Dean looked puzzled. “Okay, so it’s a tough hunt? He used to leave on them all the time when I lived at the house. Obviously he can’t keep the kid around for it, it happens.”

“You ain’t tried to call your old man lately, have you?” Bobby asked.

Dean snorted. “Why would I call him, Bobby?”

“Jus’ listen” Bobby instructed, pulling out his phone and dialling John’s number while putting it on speaker. It rang a few times before cutting to the voicemail message.

“This is John Winchester. I can't be reached. If this is an emergency, call my son Dean 866-907-3235. He can help”

“How the hell did he even get this number? I’ve only had it for a few months”

Bobby shook his head. “Never mind that. He can’t be reached, I can’t raise an eight-year-old”

“Oh and you think I can? If he’s giving my number to people I’ll be too busy with hunts. How does that kid even know who I am?”

Bobby chuckled this time, reaching for a photo frame and handing it to Dean. It was a picture of a teenage Dean holding a sleeping Sam, one taken before Mary died. “Ev’ry time he sees it he asks for a story ‘bout his rockstar big brother”

“Well that explains it, I can’t see John giving him stories about me” Dean said with a malicious snicker. “How does he know I’m hunting?”

“Word travels fast in that world, Dean. Some of the things he goes to hunt that he finds taken care of, well I don’t know how, but he always knows it’s you”

“Cause I hunted with him for fourteen years, you pick up on a few things. Guess our styles would be similar” Dean mused, realising it wasn’t completely unlikely. “Bobby, I can’t raise this kid”

“You don’t know that. I’ll admit, Sammy ain’t like other kids his age. But I think he’d be better off with you than John” Bobby said.

“Why?” Dean asked.

Bobby sighed. “Well, I first told him who you were when he was here one day. He was all of four and it was the first time he’d ever even heard your name. Two weeks after he left, he came back a different kid. He wouldn’t let me near him, barely looked me in the eyes, and he started wettin’ the bed again. My guessing is he said your name to John and John got angry and struck him”

“You think John hit him?” Dean asked.

“And then some. Kid’s had a number done on him and that greeting you got? Most I’ve heard him speak in years. Still sucks that thumb of his, sometimes pisses himself while awake too. He needs someone stable” Bobby said.

“And you think I’m stable?”

Bobby nodded. “More so than me or your old man. Be honest, you thought about him much in the last seven or so years?”

“Every day” Dean admitted.

“You ever think about finding your dad to see him?”

Dean shook his head. “I’d have killed him, especially if I’d caught wind of what kind of kid he’d turned Sammy into”

Bobby chuckled. “Notice how I get told off for callin’ him Sammy, but he don’t seem to mind when you do?”

“Oh no, that’s not going to work on me old man!”

“That boy worships you, and he’s doin’ what I ask first time just cause you’re here. Look, just stay a couple of days and get to know him. Ya might change your mind”

Dean went to argue but the sound of footsteps bounding down the stairs stopped him. Sam would be back in here soon. “Fine, two days”

~~

On the fourth day, Dean claiming to Bobby he only hadn’t left because he didn’t want to completely break Sammy’s heart, Bobby sat Dean down that night after Sam was asleep and handed him a small box. “Here, been waitin’ for the right time to give it to ya”

Dean eyed Bobby suspiciously but opened the box to find a set of keys inside. “Keys?”

“House keys, to the little cottage I own on the outskirts of town. After Sam’s visits lately, I been taking myself there and fixin’ it up for the two of ya. It’s got some protection built in and it’s a cosy little three-bedroom place. If ya want to, I can set you up with a job at the garage and you’d be able to take Sammy along if you didn’t want to put him in school right away. If you seriously can’t raise him then fine, I’ll take it back and let ya go. But I think you’re the best thing for the boy, Dean” Bobby said, looking Dean directly in the eyes.

“Bobby, I can’t raise an eight-year-old. Especially one with issues like Sammy’s. He needs a gentle parent, not his washed-up big brother in his mid-twenties. I’m not like the hero stories you tell, and he’ll see it soon enough” Dean said.

“Like I said, you really wanna believe that then fine, you go. But he’s no better here and when your dad comes back, he’ll be even worse off.”

“And what if John comes back and finds out you let me take Sammy? What then? He’ll drive to the cottage and shoot me”

Bobby sighed. “Okay, your father and I haven’t always seen eye-to-eye, that’s true. But one thing I know for a fact about your dad is he always has a plan in mind. Not coming back for Sammy and changin’ his voicemail knowin’ I was gonna be callin’? Sorry Dean, but I think even John Winchester knows he ain’t fit to raise Sammy and you are”

Dean blinked a few times. He’d wondered the same thing, but knew Bobby knew John far better than he did. For Bobby to basically voice what he thought John’s intentions were with leaving Sammy and changing the voicemail, Dean couldn’t help but wonder if this was John’s plan after all. “I’d have to retire from hunting then, is that it?”

“I don’t think you’d have to stop completely but you’d definitely be toning it down with Sammy around. I can do the odd stretch of babysittin’ and there’ll be some you can take him on I’m sure”

“No, no fucking way is he ever coming with me. I’m not subjecting him to the life I had, or back to the life he’s had, he doesn’t deserve that. Look, I’m gonna sleep on it and talk with Sammy about it tomorrow. At the very least I need to make sure he’s not projecting perfection onto this, because it’ll be far from it” Dean said.

Bobby nodded, to Dean’s surprise. “See, you’re already making rational decisions. But you head on up to sleep. I’ll be off early in the mornin’ so you guys will have the place to yourselves. Maybe if all goes well you can take Sammy to the cottage just to check it out”

“Whatever, night Uncle Bobby”

“Get up them stairs before I kick your ass, Dean Winchester!”

Chapter Text

One Year Later

“Sammy, if you don’t get your butt down here and eat your breakfast, it’s gonna meet my foot!” Dean yelled one morning.

“Alright, alright, I’m coming!” The nine-year-old called back, appearing fully dressed moments later. “There, don’t get your panties in a twist”

“Watch it before I pull your panties so far up your ass you taste them” Dean warned back. As his threats always did, this made Sam laugh.

“Why are we up so early? You never get up this early” Sam commented, noticing the time.

Dean sighed. “Because we’ve gotta go for a bit of a drive today”

“A hunt?” Sam asked. Dean nodded.

“A hunt” He confirmed.

“Wait, we? What about Uncle Bobby?” Sam said, flicking his head fast and sending his long locks flying into his face at the realisation of what Dean had said. “I’m going to Uncle Bobby’s like normal, right?”

“Actually, not this time Champ. Believe me, I’d rather send you there than cart you across the country. But Bobby’s got his hands full at the moment so you’re gonna have to come with me” Dean said.

The excitement in Sam’s eyes was too pure for a hunter like Dean. The boy had been begging Dean for an entire year to accompany him on a hunt one day. He knew he wouldn’t be actually going on the hunt, that he’d be staying in the motel room while Dean went out. But he wanted that experience, nonetheless. “Really?”

“Really, don’t make me regret it or you’ll have a babysitter until you’re eighteen”

Sam shook his head. “I won’t, I promise!”

“Good, eat your breakfast. Did you sleep okay?” Dean asked. Sammy nodded, blushing slightly. “Hey, don’t get embarrassed about sleeping through the night without wetting the bed Sammy”

“I’m nine, I shouldn’t have to wear a pullup to bed Dean! And I shouldn’t be waking up with the thing actually wet” Sam said, hanging his head. Dean sighed and heard the smallest of sniffles from his baby brother.

Dean stood and walked over to Sam, ruffling his hair. “Come on Sammy don’t be so upset. If I was mad at you for it, believe me you’d know”

In response, Sam reached his arms out to Dean and the older brother pulled him into a tight hug, lifting him off the ground as Sammy’s legs folded around Dean’s waist. Dean could feel the tears seeping into his shirt and sat at the table again, holding Sam.

Eventually Sam sat up and wiped his nose on his sleeve. “S-sorry De”

“It’s all good, little brother. Let’s eat breakfast though, hmm? You’re still coming with me, don’t worry”

It was all Sam needed to hear to stop the tears and sit on his chair. Sam’s appetite was huge, and Dean made sure to reflect that in the meals he cooked. The breakfast was wolfed down super-fast and soon both had eaten and were full.

“Thanks for breakfast, De. It was good” Sammy said.

Dean’s hand reached up to ruffle Sam’s hair and he smiled. “Any time, Champ. Now, we’re going soon so head to the bathroom and make sure you pee before we go”

The blush spread on Sam’s face quickly, but he hurried off knowing Dean was right.

Sam had wet his pants in the Impala one time and Dean was certain to never have it repeat. If they were driving for a long time, Dean often made Sam wear a pullup for the drive just in case he fell asleep or didn’t make it. That was all only if Sam didn’t pee before going.

The time Sam had an accident in Dean’s beloved car, he’d admitted he hadn’t gone before they left, despite telling Dean he had. From that point on Sammy never lied again. If he didn’t go before then he knew his reality was wearing the pullup.

Sam was thankful to actually pee in the toilet when he shut himself in the bathroom. No pullup for at least the first part of the trip. Of course if they stopped and Sam didn’t go, then Dean would make him wear one. Nothing was more mortifying than having to use one when he was awake. Sam could handle waking up wet, but not all of a sudden realising he was wet while he sat in the passenger’s seat of the Impala.

Finishing his business, Sam quickly bounded back towards the living room area to wait for Dean. “De?”

“Yeah, I’m coming. Hold your horses. Did you pee?”

Sam nodded. “Sure did. Where are we going anyway?”

“Utah, it’s a bit of a drive so we’ll probably stop for food at some point, but I don’t want to be stopping loads. Are you sure you don’t want to wear a pullup while we drive?” Dean asked.

“Positive. I’ll be fine, Dean. I’ll pee at every stop” Sam promised.

Dean sighed and ruffled Sam’s hair. He was the only person to ever get away with it and he’d done it three times this morning already. “Alright, let’s get on the road”

Sam bounced out of the cottage all the way to the Impala, making Dean chuckle. At least driving hundreds of miles with Sam meant he wouldn’t get bored, even if the kid did make fun of his music taste. They were barely five minutes into the drive when Sam complained first. “C’mon De! Can’t we listen to good music”

“Sammy, you know the rules” Dean warned in a joking tone.

Sam huffed with a sigh. “Driver picks the music”

“And?”

“And shotgun shuts his cakehole” Sam finished with a grumble.

Dean grinned. “That’s right, baby brother.”

Sam cast a look at his older brother before they both cracked up laughing. They got on the open road and just drove, eating snacks, telling jokes, and just having a good time. Sam wanted to savour this while it lasted because he knew he’d never be allowed on another hunt for a while. This was just convenient because Uncle Bobby was busy. Even if this trip was fun and Sam did everything he was supposed to, Dean wouldn’t let it happen again if he could help it. Something about not wanting to be like their dad who Dean seemed to only acknowledge as John.

“De?” Sam asked after they’d been driving for a few hours.

“Do you need to pee?”

A red blush spread across Sam’s cheeks. “No, not that. I just wanted to ask you something”

“Oh. Well, lay it on me Sammy”

“Are you, you know. Are you ever gonna let me actually hunt with you? When I get older?”

Dean didn’t answer straight away. He kept looking out the windshield at the road. For a moment Sam wondered if his older brother had even heard him. Then Dean sighed. “Actually Sammy, this is gonna be my last hunt”

“What?”

“Yeah, I know I don’t do it very often but every time I go off on one and leave you at Bobby’s it messes with our little routine and that messes with your little head. When we finally get back to normal, I’m called away again and I don’t want to do that to you anymore. We need stability” Dean explained.

“But you love hunting!” Sam protested.

“Yeah well, tough luck kid cause I love you more. And I want you to grow up outside of all of this as best you can. Get you settled in school, get you off to college with that smart nerdy brain of yours someday. We won’t get there if I keep hunting, so I’m quitting”

Sam was silent, not sure how to handle the news. Dean was quitting hunting because of him? “I’ll be better about being at Uncle Bobby’s De, I swear”

“Sammy, buddy. This isn’t about you being crap at Bobby’s. This is about me wanting to give you a good life, away from hunting. This is more about me wanting to be less like John. But the way you get after Bobby’s isn’t completely the reason so don’t think this is a wrong thing and that you’re at fault, please” Dean begged.

They both knew what Dean meant by Sam getting out of sorts. Anything more than three nights at Bobby’s and Sam would come home in a significantly regressed frame of mind. He’d always been a bit of a baby from what Bobby had told Dean a year ago, ever since Bobby assumed John had hit the smallest Winchester. After a long hunt, Dean would find that his eight, soon nine, year-old brother would slip right back into it and have accidents while awake, suck his thumb, and throw a tantrum like Dean wouldn’t believe. He didn’t know a heck of a lot about parenting but knew that it happening after Dean went away wasn’t a coincidence. So Dean decided when he got this call that this would be the last one, until Sam was maybe a bit older and able to join him. But for now he needed to stop and actually raise his baby brother.

Surprisingly Sam didn’t end up in a pullup for almost the entire drive. When they were about two hours away from their stop in Utah, Sam yawned and absent-mindedly sucked his thumb. Dean pulled the car off the road and without any protests changed Sam into a pullup as well as his pyjamas, knowing that Sam was going to fall asleep. Thankfully for them both, Sam realised he was exhausted too and just allowed Dean to get him ready. Less than five minutes back on the road and Sam was out like a light.

Dean chuckled as he pulled into a motel parking lot and quickly booked him and Sam a room. At least he still only needed one bed, it just had to be at least a double so that Sam could stretch out next to him. Had Sam strongly decided against pullups for sleeping, Dean would have been strongly against sharing a bed with him. Too many nights in the beginning had them both awake and wet, the younger brother upset while his older brother grumbled and changed the sheets.

Scooping Sam out of the car was easy at least, the boy was tiny for being nine now. And able to sleep through anything, Sam was easily transferred from the Impala to the bed without so much as a stir. Dean settled in next to him, knowing he wasn’t covering this witch’s tracks in the middle of the night. He’d be bound to get cursed then.

~~

The next morning Dean woke up to a very loud pounding on the front door of the motel room. He quickly shook awake and for a moment feared Sammy had gotten out and then locked out, but Sam was still snoring softly beside him. Dean grunted and got out of the bed, ready to yell at whoever was about to wake Sam.

“Hey, do you mind?” Dean seethed, though he didn’t come face to face with anyone. He was about to close the door when little tug came at Dean’s sweat pants, and he looked down. A small boy, smaller than Sam, stood there. He was maybe three or four if Dean had to guess. A dark mop of hair framed a chubby-cheeked face with a pair of blue eyes that Dean knew all too well. Paired with the giant blanket Dean could now see was a trench coat, he blinked. “Cas?”

And the words might have been tougher to get out, and the voice was much higher than Dean had ever heard it, but the words came. “Hello Dean”

“Cas? It’s really you? You’re a baby man” Dean said, still in disbelief.

“The witch you’re hunting did this to me, Gabriel killed her. We can’t find a cure”

Dean stepped aside and let Cas scurry into the motel room. The angel, who was now a toddler, tripped over the long coat and fell to the floor. “Shit, Cas. Let me help you”

Just meaning to help his friend off the floor, Dean was shocked when he lifted Cas five feet in the air, causing Cas’s eyes to open wide in fear. Dean gently sat Cas down and Cas noticed the sleeping boy in the bed. He'd heard all about Sam from Dean. “You’re together”

“Yeah, we are. Been that way for about a year now. Cas, what the hell happened to you man?” Dean said, not knowing how to move forward from the elephant in the room.

A small sigh left Cas’s lips. “I don’t know. Gabriel and I thought we could take her down. We did. But not before she hit me. Gabriel took me to Chuck to see if he could do anything, and to Rowena. But nothing can be done. I’m losing my ability to think and speak clearly and soon it will be permanent”

“What will be permanent?” Dean asked, though he was sure he already knew.

“I will be a four-year-old child inside and out. Dean, she took my grace and my wings. And Chuck just laughed and said it serves me right for all those years accompanying you. I’m a human” Cas said. Dean could read through the lines. Cas was completely human now and a child, more human and even younger than he’d ever been on earth before. Absolutely and completely human. Emotions, senses, hormones, all of it. Bodily functions he’d never needed to use.

“Why are you here? How did you know I’d be here?” Dean asked.

“Gabriel brought me. Chuck said he would kill Gabriel if he tried to raise me. I guess Gabriel was hoping you would help me, otherwise I would have to go to an orphanage”

Dean sighed. “A heads up might have been nice. Remind me to kill Gabriel next time I see him”

“What about me?” Cas asked. The way his blue eyes softened and actually looked his age for the first time, Dean found himself melting.

“What do you mean? Of course you’re staying with us. We have another bedroom in our cottage and I’m sure Sammy would get used to it. He’s heard stories about you”

Cas’s little eyes lit up. “He has?”

“Hell yeah he has, can’t tell him all my glorious hunting stories without telling him all about my best friend now, can I?” Dean said. Cas’s smile was soft, and his eyes looked glassed over. “And we’ll find a way to bring you back, Cas. Don’t worry”

“I fear this is my new fate Dean. What will you tell Sam when he wakes?” Cas asked.

The figure in the bed shifted, yawned, then sat up. “De?”

Dean chuckled. “Ah well, no time to figure it out like the present”

Chapter Text

Sam didn’t quite believe his ears. “I thought you said Castiel was an angel?”

“He was, but a witch cursed him”

“So, he’s a baby angel now?”

Dean laughed. “He’s a little human now, and he’s going to stay with us”

“And his brother killed the witch we came here to hunt?”

“Looks like it. I’m going to scope it out and see. I guess I’ll bring you both with me, but you’ll both be waiting in the car. Then we’ll have to go buy Cas some clothes that actually fit him” Dean said.

“Wait, I get to come?” Sam asked, now more excited than confused.

“But you’re staying in the car, got it?”

Sam nodded. “I got it”

“Alright, go get dressed. I might borrow some of your clothes for Cas even though they’ll be too big on him. I can’t leave him in a trench coat and a dress shirt that are miles too big. Speaking of, where’d you lose your pants?” Dean said, turning his attention to Cas with the last question.

“I don’t know. I nearly lost the coat too, but Gabriel wrapped me in it to keep me warm.” Cas answered as Sam scrambled off the bed and for the bathroom with his clothes.

“Hey! Protection today!” Dean yelled after him.

“But Dean!”

“No buts, not risking it Sammy.” A big grunt came from the other side of the door, but Dean knew Sam would listen to him. He looked back at Cas. “Do you need to piss or anything before we go?”

“I am unfamiliar with the sensation” Cas said.

Dean sighed, poking Cas where his bladder would be. “Alright, if it feels like something in here is going to explode, you probably need to. Does it need to explode?”

“No, it’s fine”

“Good, your body will probably tell you when it does so just tell me if that happens, here’s some clothes of Sammy’s. Do you need help?” Dean asked, pulling out a pair of sweats and a t-shirt that Cas was absolutely going to swim in.

“If you wouldn’t mind. My motor ability is not what it was when I was human before”

Dean snickered as he pulled the coat and shirt off Cas’s small body. “Yeah dude, no shit. You were an adult before. Kids have to learn it all”

“I don’t want to be a child”

“I know Cas, but for now we’re gonna make sure you’re as comfortable as you can be while I find a fix, okay?”

Cas nodded, now dressed in the clothes. “Okay Dean”

Soon Sam had joined them again. Dean looked at him suspiciously. “Did you-”

“Yes. Please don’t say it out loud!” Sam replied.

Dean still walked over and gently pulled out the waistband of Sam’s jeans, the familiar blue of the boy’s Spider-Man pullup poking out the top. “Good. Thanks for listening. Alright let’s get on the road”

“Dean?” Sammy said as Dean picked Cas up, purely because he had no shoes.

“Yeah?”

“You don’t have a car seat for him”

Dean spun around. “What?”

“He’s too little to sit in the car without it. Dad used to have a booster in his truck for me, ‘til I was big enough to sit in the front”

“Shit, I think you’re right. We don’t have one right now, but as soon as we’re done scoping out the witch then we can go to Walmart and get some things Cas needs” Dean said. He noticed the worry on Sam’s face. “I’ll drive really careful, don’t worry Sammy”

Cas ungracefully climbed into the backseat of the Impala as Dean buckled the seatbelt around him. Sam sat in the front and buckled himself, his thumb snaking into his mouth. He quickly took it out before Dean could see. If he and this ‘Cas’ guy/kid were going to be locked in the car together while Dean checked out the witch, he’d just beg Cas not to tell Dean he was doing it.

Dean did drive carefully, not wanting to jostle poor Cas in the backseat too much. His mind was still reeling about the fact that Cas was in a kid’s body. Even worse, Cas had admitted he’d soon have a kid’s mind as well. Dean wasn’t sure he could raise another kid. It had helped immensely that Sammy was able to do a lot for himself and also had lived in a human body for eight years before Dean took him in. Cas hadn’t even had a few hours, what was it going to be like when they couldn’t talk?

Leaving the two young boys in the car, Dean went to scope out the witch’s lair only to find she was definitely dead.

In the car Sam sucked his thumb and Cas’s little voice came from the backseat. “Why do you do that?”

Sam’s face flushed a bright red as he pulled it out. “Shut up, don’t make fun of me”

“I’m sorry Sam, I wasn’t. I was simply asking as I don’t have a lot of experience as a human or a child. Many human children do it” Cas explained but also tried to not make Sam too upset.

“Oh. I don’t know why I do it, it just makes me feel better I guess” Sam said, never having thought about why at nine he still liked to suck his thumb or why kids teased other kids for it.

“Thank you for telling me” Cas said.

“You don’t talk like a little kid”

“No, I suppose I don’t for now” Cas said.

Sam cocked his head. “For now? What does that mean?”

“The curse placed on me is slowly taking away all of my memories and abilities as an adult. Soon I will only be able to speak and do what any human child this size can speak or do”

“Do you know how old you are?” Sam asked.

“My brother seems to think I am four”

Sam shrugged. “Four’s not bad. You get to play with a lot of toys but you’re not a baby so you can still run around and play on the jungle gym at the park without an adult helping you”

“I am not familiar with toys or jungle gyms”

“Right, you’re not. Well, I’m sure De will make sure you are soon enough” Sam said, sticking his thumb back in his mouth.

Not too long later Dean walked back into view. “I don’t know how you and Gabe did it dude, but that witch is ganked alright. Good job”

“Yes, I am familiar with ganking witches thanks to you” Cas said with a small nod.

“Alright, let’s hit Walmart then get home. Sammy, stop sucking your thumb”

Sam grumbled and pulled it out as Dean began to drive.

Almost ten minutes later, Cas felt something near his stomach twinge. He wondered at first if this was the exploding feeling Dean had spoken about, but it only lasted a single second before a warm liquid ended up covering the pants he was wearing. Frowning, Cas looked forward. “Dean?”

Dean turned the car into the parking lot of the closest Walmart. “Yeah?”

“My trousers appear to have gotten wet”

“Wet?” Dean asked, putting the Impala in park and turning. He realised what Cas meant by wet. “God damn it Cas!”

Sam turned around too. “Uh-oh”

“Don’t you ‘uh-oh’ him. Uh-oh yourself, he’s not the first person to piss in these seats” Dean said, Sam blushing.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know how it happened” Cas said.

“How it happened is you needed to pee, so you peed” Dean explained.

“I didn’t feel anything before hand, it just came out” Cas countered.

Dean sighed. “Okay, so you’ve got no alarm bells for now. All good, I’ll run inside and buy some things. You two stay here”

“I’m sorry Dean”

“It’s okay Cas, I know you couldn’t help it”

“That’s it? I peed my pants in the Impala once and you threatened to hang my wet undies from the antenna!” Sam exclaimed.

“Yeah? Well, you didn’t pee before we left home and knew you needed to and didn’t say anything. Cas doesn’t know, Sammy”

Sam grunted and slumped in the chair, folding his arms. “Whatever”

Not having time for whatever jealousy Sam was obviously exhibiting, Dean shut the car off. “Alright, both of you stay here. Cas don’t move and I’ll just clean it up once I get back. Okay?”

Both boys nodded and Dean rushed out of the car. He only got the bare necessities. A few pairs of clothes and pyjamas that would fit, a pack of diapers, wipes, and a car seat. Everything else could wait until they were back home. Remembering Cas’s infatuation with bees, Dean couldn’t resist when he spotted the soft pale yellow and bee adorned blanket. Okay, the bare necessities and that.

Dean got back out to the car and opened Cas’s door without a word, pulling him out and quickly stripping Sam’s now wet clothes from Cas’s body.

“Dean! He’s naked!” Sam gasped.

“He has no concept of shame, yet. Plus I need to get him clean.” Dean said, wiping Cas with a baby wipe. Cas whimpered at the feeling, before looking at Dean in shock about the sound that had come out. Dean chuckled. “It was a whimper, Cas. The wipe was cold, and it took you by surprise, the whimper meant you didn’t like it either.”

“O-oh. You know much more about this than I do”

“Yeah, I was a kid too remember? And I’ve got a kid, I know a thing or two” Dean said with a smile. He then opened the front door and laid Cas on his back in the front bench seat. It was long enough, and Cas was short enough that he was completely laid out but still wasn’t touching Sam.

Dean pulled a diaper out of the pack and quickly taped it on Cas’s body before sitting him up again. Cas looked down. “What is it?”

“It’s a diaper, dude. It’s made to absorb your pee but not let it leak out and make anything else wet. At least until you learn the feeling of needing to go, you won’t make any mess” Dean explained.

“Oh. Okay” Cas went along with it. Sam watched on too, thumb in his mouth.

Dean got Cas dressed in the new clothes before pulling a towel out of the trunk and using it and the wet wipes to wipe down the leather back seat Cas had peed all through. He then set the car seat up and pulled Cas from the front, buckling him into it and stuffing the blanket into his arms. “Alright, we’ve got a long drive so let’s get going”

“What’s this?” Cas asked, holding up the blanket.

“It’s a blanket. You’ll feel the cold soon and my guess is your body won’t regulate itself like mine and Sammy's can. Plus it’s got bees on it.”

“I do like bees” Cas murmured in a happy tone.

“You good Sammy?” Dean asked, noticing his younger brother with his thumb in his mouth. Sam nodded. “Good, let’s get going. I want to get home”

Sam was amazed Dean hadn’t said anything about his thumb being in his mouth. Maybe it’s because Cas had just wet himself all over the backseat? And Dean had told Cas that Sam was his kid. He wondered how many people he told that too? Sam tried to squash down the feelings of jealousy he got from watching Dean interact with Cas. Dean still loved him and still wanted him, they just had this angel now too.

Resting his head back, Sam noticed Dean turn down the radio and he smiled from behind his thumb. He was kinda tired so maybe sleeping wasn’t the worst idea? Cas appeared to be quiet from the back and Dean was lowly singing along to the music on the radio. Sam felt his eyes closing and sleep coming naturally.

Chapter Text

“Alright, he’s asleep” Dean said softly. “What’s on your mind?”

“Sam brought up toys and jungle gyms. There is so much I don’t know about human children” Cas said.

“And you’ll learn. Look, Cas it’s really easy to be a kid. You just kind of exist, you don’t have to be anything or do anything. We’ll take each day as it comes”

Cas shifted a little, feeling the fluffiness of the diaper beneath his clothes that now fit. “Gabriel seems to think I am four. Many human children have a grasp on their bodily functions by this age, but I don’t seem to”

“Cas, you might be in a four-year-old’s body, but you’ve only been human for a day at most. Most babies don’t learn to control that crap until they’ve lived for two of three years” Dean explained.

“I suppose. I’m sorry you’ll have to be cleaning me up.”

“If I had a problem with it, you’d know. Seriously, it’s fine. Stop worrying” Dean retorted.

“I’m not sure Sam likes me”

Dean sighed quietly, realising humanity was forcing out insecurities and anxieties Cas hadn’t dealt with before. “He’s just not used to having to share me. He’s got some emotional abandonment issues from John, I guess. He’ll get used to it don’t worry”

“Okay Dean”

Looking back through the rearview mirror, Dean noticed Cas’s eyes were drooping. “You can sleep if you need to”

“Sleep? That’s what you do at night” Cas replied.

“Yes, but when your body is small, sometimes you need to sleep during the day too. Sammy’s sleeping now”

Cas frowned. “I don’t know how”

“Now this is something I think I can explain. You just close your eyes and stop thinking. Being in the car will make it easier, it always knocks Sammy right out” Dean said with a chuckle.

“Hmm. I guess I can try”

“Yeah, or else you’re gonna be a monster for me later.” Dean said with a smile. Cas returned it, albeit tiredly.

The next time Dean looked back, Cas had his eyes closed. It took maybe another ten minutes before Cas’s head limped to the side and his little mouth fell open. Guess he was pretty tired then.

So Dean drove on in silence, wanting to get the two boys as close to home as he could before they woke up. It was at least a few hours before Sam woke up, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “De?”

“Hey Sammy, sleep okay?”

“Mmm, where are we?” Sam asked with a yawn.

“Somewhere in Colorado. We’ve got about another eight hours ahead of us. I might stop for a night depending on how you two are feeling. If Cas is just gonna sleep then we should just keep driving I guess” Dean said.

Sam peeked over the back and saw the angel kid sleeping in the car seat Dean had bought early that morning. He had dropped the blanket and Sam frowned. “He dropped his blankie on the floor”

“Must be one hell of a nap then, huh?”

“Is he gonna be a normal kid one day?” Sam asked.

“Seems like it. Unless we can find a way to reverse the witch curse” Dean explained.

“But that will just turn him back into a grown up, it won’t make him an angel again will it?”

Dean shrugged. “I don’t know Sammy. There’s a chance he could be turned back into an angel. I need to talk to Gabe”

“Gabe?”

“He’s Cas’s brother, he’s the archangel Gabriel. He’s an asshole really”

Finally Sam cracked a smile and chuckled. “If he really turns into a four-year-old then you probably need to stop swearing”

Dean chuckled himself and shook his head. “Yeah? You might be right. Do you need anything or are we okay to keep driving?”

Sam shrugged, his thumb in his mouth. “I’m okay”

“You’re not too wet?” Dean asked.

Of course Sam blushed but he felt his crotch area and shook his head. “No, a little but not heaps”

“Alright, let me know before you leak”

“I will”

The silence took over for about five minutes before Dean spoke softly. “Hey Sammy?”

“Hmm?”

“You don’t have to worry about Cas coming to live with us okay? It’ll be weird for a bit, especially while he’s adjusting to being a human child. But I’m not gonna forget about you or anything. You know that right?”

Sam nodded. “I know Dean”

“I’m just saying that sometimes Cas is going to need more help and attention than you do, I just don’t want you thinking I love him more than you or anything because he’s important to me, but I still love you more than anything. And hey, this way you’d get to be the little brother but also a big brother like me” Dean said, knowing the idea of being like the older Winchester was all the younger one wanted. Sam’s thumb left his mouth.

“A big brother like you?” Sam asked.

“Yeah man, just like me. Well, maybe not just like me. I’m still the best big brother in the world, but you’d be a close second I’m sure” Dean teased as Sam giggled.

“I’m sorry for sucking my thumb” Sam said, unprompted.

“Hey, it’s okay. I know what your brain is like. I only stop you because I don’t want you to need braces or anything when you’re older” Dean said. Sam shrugged, putting his thumb back between his lips. He couldn’t explain it to Cas effectively, but it made him feel so safe when he did it. He liked it when Dean didn’t tell him off for it either and it seemed Dean wasn’t going to as they kept driving.

When Dean pulled into a motel parking lot not far over the border, Sam looked at him. “Cas is still asleep, and we’ll be home soon. Why are we stopping?”

“Lawrence is still a good four hours’ away and Cas is bound to wake up and probably get very hungry. He hasn’t eaten all day, and I know how hangry you get. I can only imagine a four-year-old is worse” Dean explained. “Now, you stay here while I get us a room”

“Yes Sir!” Sam joked back with a salute. He was kind of glad Dean had stopped, his pullup was almost leaked through, and he didn’t want to sit in it much longer. Cas was still passed out asleep in the back. Sam climbed over and picked the blankie up off the floor, dusting any dirt from it and tucking it back into Cas’s arms.

“What are you doing, Sammy?” Dean asked with a smile as he poked his head through the window.

“I told you he dropped it, and you never picked it up for him”

Dean was lightly touched by the moment and prayed that Sam’s apparent jealous stint was over. “Come on, let’s park up and get inside. We can order pizza”

Sam climbed back over to his seat while Dean started the Impala and pulled into the park outside their room for the night. Sam yawned and climbed out of the car while Dean scooped the still sleeping Cas up. Knowing Dean had to carry the angel kid, Sam opted to grip the bottom of Dean’s shirt while they walked inside. Dean laid Cas in the bed and covered him with the bee blanket before looking at Sam.

“De, I’m tired”

Dean scooped the nine-year-old into his arms and felt Sam almost melt into him, head resting on his shoulder and arms around his neck. “I know Sammy, we’ve gotta eat though”

“Can I have a nap? Please?” Sam begged.

“What do you want on your pizza? Cheese?” Dean tried to change the subject. Sam softly cried and Dean sighed, laying down on the bed with Sam still in his arms. “I get it. You sleep, I’ll unpack the car”

“Mmm” Sam mumbled as his thumb was sucked. He fell asleep and Dean left the two boys sleeping as he pulled bags out of the car.

Dean had felt Cas’s diaper through the sweats and found that it was wet. And then he’d felt Sam’s pullup and found that it was soaked. To be fair, Sam knew Dean just wanted to get as close to home as possible so he hadn’t said anything about needing a change because that would have involved a stop. Either way both boys needed a change, a bath, some sort of food, and a decent sleep. The motel was their best option for all of that.

He wondered how slowly it would take for Cas’s mind to slip away from him, whether it would be gradual or all of a sudden or whether he’d fade in and out or not. One thing Dean was certain of, no matter how the transition occurred it wouldn’t be easy on Cas. And as a result, it would likely not be easy on Dean or Sam either.

Pulling out his phone, Dean dialled a familiar number and waited for the call to connect. “Bobby, I’ve got a problem”

Bobby sighed. “What’ve you done, boy?”

“It’s not what I did, it’s what the witch we came to hunt did. She turned Cas into a human”

“Castiel? That angel you were rompin’ around with for a few years?” Bobby asked.

“The one and same. And that’s not all. He and his brother came to kill her, and they did, really well. But she turned him human and turned him into a kid, about four” Dean explained.

Bobby was silent on the other end for a while. “She turned him into a what?”

“A kid, Bobby. A little kid, littler than Sammy ever was when I took him in. He’s four. He’s still got his brain power for now, but he said the witch’s curse was permanent and soon his mind would follow. But it’s like he’s been just born, he doesn’t know anything about how to use his body. He already pissed all through the Impala” Dean said, shuddering at the memory and promising himself to give Baby a good deep clean as soon as they were home.

“Shit. What are you gonna do?”

“It looks like I’m gonna raise him if we can’t find a way to turn him back” Dean said.

Bobby sighed. “Even if you manage to find somethin’ that’ll change him back to his adult self, I’m afraid you won’t be able to turn him back into an angel Dean. Nothin’ can do that, ‘cept another angel”

Dean groaned, not quite believing he was hearing that from Bobby, after all Sam had brought it up first. “Bobby, I can’t raise two kids! Sammy’s already half jealous of me not getting mad at Cas for wetting himself. The cottage will be in flames before the week is through”

“Well, unless you got another idea for the angel then tough. You ain’t gettin’ rid of Sammy anytime soon and I doubt you’re too willing to pawn the angel off. Looks like you’re riding this one out, Dean” Bobby said, unhelpfully.

“I can’t Bobby! The reason Sammy was okay was because he was already able to do things for himself. Cas doesn’t even know when he needs to pee, what the hell do I do when he begins having emotions but doesn’t know what they are? How the hell do I raise a four-year-old baby?”

“Look, you’ll figure it out. I’d have never left Sammy with ya if I’d thought you weren’t doin’ any good. And I’ll be around to help out if you need me. But once you get your bearings, you’ll be fine boy. Where are you anyway?”

Dean sighed. “Motel in Kansas, just over the border from Colorado. Cas has been asleep since we left Utah and Sammy’s been sleeping on and off too. Figured it was best to stop and feed them instead of letting them sleep in the car anymore”

“See, you’re responsible even when you don’t wanna admit it. Pull your head outta your ass and just work on gettin’ them to get along or whatever” Bobby said. “Goodnight, Dean”

“Yeah, yeah. Kiss my ass Bobby” Dean muttered as the dial tone played.

Dean walked out of the bathroom and into the main room where both boys still slept. Cas had pulled the blanket off from his body and was now cuddling into it. Sam sucked his thumb.

He needed to call Gabe, give the archangel a piece of his mind. Cas’s stirring on the bed brought Dean back and he sighed.

He needed to feed these kids and get them clean more than anything else.

Chapter Text

Cas woke up to a delightful smell filling whatever area he was in. He felt something soft underneath him and realised he was on a bed. Sitting up, Cas saw Dean sitting at a table in room he’d never seen before. Sam was sleeping next to him.

“Dean?” Cas’s small voice came. He wasn’t yet used to the pitch of it, much higher than he’d ever heard from another person.

Dean’s eyes landed on Cas, and he smiled. “Hey Cas, did you sleep okay?”

“I’m not sure, I was asleep”

A chuckle left Dean’s lips. “Well, do you feel less tired?”

“Yes, I’m not unable to keep my eyes open”

“And you didn’t have any bad dreams or visions or anything?”

“No?” Cas said, though it was more of a question.

“Then congratulations, you had a good sleep. Are you hungry?”

“Hungry?” Cas asked.

Dean walked over. “Can you smell the pizza?”

“Is that what it is? It smells incredible”

“It’s food, and usually it smells even better when you’re hungry. Hunger can also make your head feel a bit dizzy and this part of your body might make noises or hurt” Dean said, pushing on Cas’s stomach a little. As if he planned it, Cas’s stomach rumbled, and the former angel looked up in confusion. “That’s a hungry rumble alright, come sit and eat”

Cas looked at the edge of the bed and decided to climb off like he normally would. Never mind the fact that he was missing three feet of his usual vessel. He began to fall, and Dean was quick to stop him from hitting the floor. Cas couldn’t help but let out a small “Ahh!”

“Shh, it’s okay. I got you Cas. Sorry, I forget you don’t know how to use your body” Dean said, picking Cas up and walking him to the table. He sat Cas on one of the chairs. The kid who was once his best friend and an angel just looked down, apparently hiding his face. “Dude, don’t be embarrassed”

“I don’t know why I made that sound Dean, it is embarrassing”

“I think you made it because you were about to fall, and it scared you” Dean explained.

“I don’t get scared or hurt. I shouldn’t have reacted like that”

Dean chuckled and used his hand to raise Cas’s chin. “Yeah, well I got bad news for you Cas. You certainly can get hurt now. And as for emotions, you’re going to have a lot more and sometimes there aren’t going to be any explanations for them.”

“So I will make more sounds against my will?” Cas wondered.

“Yeah, I actually fear for the moment you do get hurt for the first time. Most kids cry” Dean admitted.

“I have more emotional control than that, I won’t cry” Cas seemed certain of the fact. Dean nodded.

“Sure buddy, whatever you say. Now listen, when you eat you have to chew the food up before you swallow it okay? And don’t take another bite until your mouth is empty. I’m not about to save you from choking” Dean said.

“I did eat sometimes when I was an angel, I’m aware of how to do it” Cas said, rolling his eyes a little. The entire action was adorable, and Dean held his coos in.

“Alright, start with one piece. If you finish it and you’re still hungry then you can have more. I’m going to wake Sammy up” Dean said, leaping up from his chair and dashing across to the bed, gently shaking the nine-year-old’s shoulder. “Sammy?”

“Hmm?” Sam mumbled, opening his eyes a little. He sat up and pulled his thumb from his mouth. “De?”

“Hey Champ, I got some pizza. You hungry?” Dean asked.

Sam nodded and climbed off the bed before stopping himself. Dean watched a red blush spread over his little brother’s cheeks and tears well up in his eyes. Looking down on the bed, Dean saw the wet patch that had come from Sam. “I-I’m sorry D-De”

“Oh, that’s my fault Sammy. Please don’t cry. I knew you needed a change, but I forgot about it when you fell asleep.” Dean said, kneeling on the ground and pulling Sam in for a hug. Sam was elated to hear that Dean wasn’t upset, but he couldn’t stop the tears from falling even though Dean had told him not to cry. Dean just hugged his brother and then gently led him into the bathroom, getting him cleaned up and changed. Sam whined a protest at the thought of having another pullup put on. “Relax Sammy, you don’t need to wear one for now. I want you and Cas to have a bath before you go to sleep. C’mon, let’s get some pizza”

Sam slipped his right hand into Dean’s, his left hand lifting to his mouth. “Sorry De”

“Enough apologising, it’s pizza time! How are you doing Cas?” Dean said, leading Sam to a chair as he looked at the angel kid.

Well, Cas was covered in pizza sauce. It was all over his cheeks and down his chin. Smears covered both hands and his shirt too. Dean chuckled at the sight. Two pieces were missing from the box and Cas looked defeated but happy. “I don’t want to eat anymore”

“That’s called being full, when you can’t eat any more food. Are you thirsty?” Dean asked as Sam picked up his own piece of pizza and began to eat it.

“Thirsty?” Cas replied. Dean filled up a cup with some water.

“Yeah, thirsty. Your mouth and throat feel really dry and you need water” Dean said, handing the cup over. Cas picked it up, but Dean didn’t let go completely. Just as well because Cas almost dropped it as soon as it was in his hands. “Here, open your mouth and swallow little bits. Not heaps, you’ll drown yourself”

Cas managed to drink the entire cup back. “I-I think I require more”

“Alright, more. Do you need a drink, Sammy?”

“Please De” Sam replied.

Dean filled the cup and grabbed another for Sam, setting it down in front of him. Dean then helped Cas drink again, but he didn’t take the whole cup this time. Once Dean put the cup down, Cas felt a gurgle as he whined. “You probably need to burp dude”

“Burp?” Cas asked.

“It’s a normal function. It’s a way to release the air bubbles trapped in your stomach. Here, let me help”

Before Cas could ask what Dean meant by help, he was hoisted off the chair and held against Dean as a strong hand patted his back. A very loud sound left Cas’s mouth, and he blushed out of instinct, which was crazy because blushing had never been an instinct of Cas’s before.

Sam giggled at the sound. “Then you say ‘excuse me’ when you’re done, because it’s manners”

“E-excuse me?” Cas said.

“Perfect. Good teaching him manners, Sammy” Dean said, Sam beaming at the praise while Cas was lowered back into his seat. “Okay, I’m gonna eat and Sammy’s gonna finish. Then it’s time for a bath for you both”

“I don’t need a bath, De” Sam huffed.

“You leaked through a pullup ten minutes ago dude, you’re getting one”

Sam sighed and continued to eat his pizza. Dean also ate. And Cas, he just watched and thought.

He’d asked Sam earlier about sucking his thumb and Sam had told him it made him ‘feel better’. Cas didn’t know what he meant by that and why Sam would need to feel better. But he sat and he couldn’t help the feeling of not being completely okay. Tentatively, Cas reached his hand up to his mouth and placed his thumb inside. It didn’t do anything to the feeling. But it wasn’t called sucking your thumb for nothing, so Cas gave his thumb a gentle tug with his lips and felt something warm spreading inside him. Fearing that he’d wet himself again, Cas quickly pulled it out and looked down. The diaper shifted as he did, but it didn’t feel any wetter since he woke. Cas frowned but put the thumb back and sucked it again anyway. The same feeling returned, and Cas deduced this was what Sam meant by better. It certainly made the not okay feeling dwindle, though Cas wasn’t completely soothed by it.

Sam looked up from finishing his second slice of pizza and smiled softly at Cas with his thumb in his mouth. Dean noticed too and chuckled. Sam glared at his brother. “Don’t tease him”

“Relax Killer! I wasn’t going to” Dean assured. “Feel better Cas?”

Cas removed the thumb. “A-a little. Something still isn’t right though”

Dean looked perplexed and so did Sam, until Sam finally gasped and climbed onto Dean in order to whisper something in his ear. Dean shrugged. “Hey, you know what? That’s not a bad thought, Sammy”

“What?” Cas asked, not enjoying being kept out of the loop.

“Well, seeing as your mental age is probably a lot younger because you were just turned into a child yesterday, Sammy thinks maybe you need something other than your thumb for comfort. And it just so happens I have some in my bag, hold on” Dean said, standing and digging through his bag before fishing out a small, pale blue pacifier. Sammy had once worked himself up over sucking his thumb that Dean had resorted to them. They lasted about a week before Sammy decided he preferred his thumb, but Dean kept them just in case it happened again someday. Dean walked over and held out the plastic. “Here Cas”

“What is it?”

“It’s a pacifier. We called it a ‘binky’, but you suck on it, like your thumb. Give it a try” Dean encouraged, holding the blue plastic in front of Cas’s mouth.

Gently, Cas opened his mouth and let the blue thing be slipped in. The piece in Cas’s mouth was soft and squishy though. Remembering what he’d done with his thumb, Cas gave the plastic a suckle and felt his entire demeanour change. He almost moaned in delight from the feeling. “Mmm”

“That’s the winner by the looks, good thinking Sammy.” Dean said, flashing a wink in his baby brother’s direction. Sammy smiled while Cas finally relaxed his entire body for the first time since he’d woken up from the sleep. Dean hated seeing him so tense and so small, he was glad the binky was helping. Dean quickly ate a few slices of pizza before sighing. “Alright, it’s time for a bath”

“Please De, no bath” Sam begged.

“Sorry little dude, you’re both having one.” Dean said as he stood and moved towards the bathroom. He put the stopper in and began running it, joined by Cas and Sam in the bathroom soon enough.

“Do I have to get in with him?” Sam asked.

Dean sighed, knowing that Sam was pretty particular about who could change him and see him naked. “I guess not. I’ll give Cas a bath first, but you’re getting one straight after. You can go watch TV if you want. Do you need to use the bathroom first?”

“No. Thanks De!” Sam said, running off. Dean shut the door slightly and looked at Cas.

“I know you’ve never had a bath before, but it’s pretty easy dude. You just sit in the warm water and let me help you get clean” Dean said, looking at the angel.

Not sure how to talk with the plastic in his mouth, and certainly not willing to give it up, Cas simply nodded. Dean checked the temperature of the bath before turning of the faucets and helping undress Cas. Even as an ‘adult’, Cas never had shame with nakedness. Dean was sure it would come but for now used it to his advantage to get Cas quickly undressed before lifting him over the edge of the tub and sitting him in.

Panic set in Cas’s eyes when his body touched the water. “Mmm!”

“I know, it’s a different feeling. But it’s nice, right?” Dean asked.

Cas let his hands fall into the water, swirling it around. It was pretty warm, it did feel nice. Cas nodded. “Mmm”

“Good, when we go home you’ll even get toys to play with in the bath. Don’t worry about anything Cas, I’m gonna take care of you” Dean mused, soaping up the washcloth and gently cleaning Cas off.

Slowly the angel began to lose the fight of consciousness and Dean knew he still had to bathe Sam and then have his own shower. He smiled and carefully stood Cas to his feet before wrapping him up in a towel. Cas whined at the feeling of no longer being in the bath, but Dean just dried him off before he was laid down and put into another diaper and a pair of pyjamas. The binky stayed firmly in Cas’s mouth as Dean finished, scooping Cas up into his arms and feeling the boy’s head rest on his shoulder.

“Sammy? C’mon it’s time for a bath” Dean said as he walked out of the bathroom with an almost asleep Cas.

Sam didn’t respond and when Dean walked into the room further, he realised it was because Sam was fast asleep on the little chair, the cartoons still playing softly on the TV.

Dean sighed and laid Cas in the bed, making sure his little blanket was in close reach. He then turned off the TV and scooped Sam up, laying him on the bed in order to change him into a pullup and his own pyjamas before leaving him under the covers too. Sam needed a bath, but he needed sleep more. Hell, Dean was feeling that way too. He let out the tub and cleaned up the dinner mess before changing and retiring to the middle of the bed, to be close to both boys in case they needed him.

The main thing was both boys were fed and sleeping soundly in a bed rather than the Impala. And that was enough to pacify Dean into giving in and falling asleep himself.

Chapter Text

Dean woke up before either of the boys did the next morning. He showered first of all, having neglected one last night in order to sleep. Then he had a cup of coffee and then he decided he didn’t need to wake the boys or wait for them to. Changing both Cas and Sam into clean protection, he loaded up their things into the Impala before taking each boy out to the car and buckling them in all before six in the morning. If Dean just drove and the boys weren’t starving or upset when they woke, they would be home before ten.

It took two hours of driving for one of the others to wake, and it was Sam whose eyes flicked open as he yawned. “De?”

“Morning Sammy”

“Where are we?”

Dean shrugged. “About two hours from home”

“Dean my pullups gonna leak!” Sam shrieked as he felt himself begin to pee. Instinctively reaching a hand down, Sam noticed the pullup he was wearing wasn’t all that full.

“Hey, calm down Sammy. I changed you this morning while you snored your head off. I just wanted to get going” Dean explained.

“O-oh”

“We’ll be there soon okay? Look, unless Cas waked up and is inconsolable I’d like to just keep driving and get home as fast as we can” Dean said.

“I think I’m okay, just thirsty”

“There’s a bottle of water in the bag at your feet buddy”

Sam reached down and retrieved the bottled water, opening it and taking a decently long drink now that he wasn’t afraid of soaking through the pullup. Once finished, Sam returned the bottle and looked out the window with his thumb in his mouth. Cas stayed asleep and the rest of the drive seemed to pass pretty quickly, Sam lighting up at the sight of their cottage driveway. “We’re home!”

“We are, you glad for that?” Dean guessed.

“Yeah. Wait, we don’t have anything for Cas”

“Yeah, I know. I gave Uncle Bobby a call and he’ll probably come watch you guys sometime soon so I can go to town and get him some more things. But for now we’ve got clothes, diapers, and food so we should be okay”

“Okay De”

“Now, I’m gonna wake him up and maybe make some breakfast. And you’re gonna march your little behind into the bathroom and have a shower. You fell asleep last night before I could get you in the bath”

Sam nodded as they climbed out of the Impala. Sam ran straight to the bathroom and Dean was glad that his brother seemed to be well rested and in an okay mood. One of his funny moods when coming home from Bobby’s would have Dean doing practically everything for the boy, Dean was glad to see a night away and the weirdness of finding Cas wasn’t affecting his independence too much. Dean unloaded their bags first but left them in the living room before doubling back to the car for the sleeping Cas. Being cursed like this had clearly taken a toll on the little boy, it was the only thing that made sense when thinking about how much sleeping Cas seemed to be doing. A decent six hours in the car followed by sleeping all night and still being asleep now, nearly twelve-hours later? Poor Cas.

Dean scooped him up, blanket now tightly in Cas’s arms and binky still firm in his mouth, as he made his way into the living room and sat on the couch. “Cas?”

“Hmm?” Cas mumbled, one eye slitting open before closing again as the angel let out a large yawn. “Dean?”

“Yeah, it’s me. We’re home now”

Cas sat up at this, the binky falling from his lips. “Home? We only just got to the motel”

“Yeah, and you fell asleep. And stayed asleep all night and the entire drive.”

“Oh. I wasn’t aware humans needed so much sleep” Cas said.

“I think your body is catching up on the energy that curse took from you buddy. Are you feeling hungry?”

Cas frowned, trying to remember Dean’s explanations of the human sensation. “I think I am. Where’s Sam?”

“Sam’s having a shower, he fell asleep before I got you out of the bath last night and he’s been wearing pullups pretty much the entire time we’ve been away, so he needed to freshen up” Dean said.

Cas’s eyes scanned the room. “This is where you live?”

“Yeah, this is our little place. There’s another bedroom that we’ll get set up for you. It’s only got a bed and a dresser in it at the moment, but we’ll spruce it up. Do you want to see the rest of the house?”

Cas thought for a moment and then nodded, accepting the binky back from Dean. Dean set him on his feet and began to lead him through the house. But something wasn’t right. Cas had the binky, and he was holding Dean’s hand. But it was still wrong. Dean noticed Cas stop walking and he looked down, frowning.

“Cas? Are you okay?”

“I-I dunno” Cas babbled from behind the binky.

“What’s up?” Dean asked, crouching down to be at Cas’s eye level.

“Not wight” Cas mumbled.

“Not right? What’s not right?”

“Me?” Cas asked.

“Hey, you’re fine Cas. There is no right or wrong here buddy. Tell me what you think you need, hmm?” Dean said, rubbing a hand soothingly over Cas’s shoulder. When Cas leaned into the touch, something clicked in Dean’s mind. “Oh I see, you need touch. Sometimes human children just need to be held to know everything is okay, that it’s right”

“Wight?” Cas asked.

Instead of prolonging the moment and answering Cas’s question, Dean simply stood and picked Cas up, resting him on his hip like one would an infant. “There we go, that’s better, right?”

Cas kicked his legs in an excited way and mewled at his new found comfort. Dean chuckled and showed him the rest of the house while quietly thinking to himself. Cas was certainly beginning to fade from having his grown angel mindset and control. Not relinquishing the binky even to speak and only giving Dean simple answers, it seemed the young boy was letting go slowly. Dean wondered if Cas had been fighting to hold on while he was awake. Cas sighed in content and rested his head on Dean’s shoulder. “De”

“I know buddy. It’s okay to let go of it all Cas. Even if I can’t fix this, I can still keep you and raise you. If you need to let go, then you do it” Dean whispered.

“I-I don’t know how” Cas mumbled, feeling his face heat up as he pressed it further into Dean’s shoulder.

“Yes you do, let go of it all Baby. Sammy and I have got you now” Dean whispered, rubbing Cas’s back soothingly.

Cas breathed deeply, attempting to rid his mind of all his memories of the witch, of hunting, his years with Dean in the beginning. No. He didn’t want to lose those. Instead he focuses his attention on remembering. The feeling of the soft diaper on his body, the sound of Dean’s heartbeat, the binky between his lips. Dean was holding him, and it was all he needed right now. It was truly incredible to Cas that Dean seemed to know what he needed when Cas didn’t know. And the way Dean carefully explained every human emotion and feeling Cas might be having helped Cas accept that he was a child and a human now. And human children who have someone to love them and look after them are usually happy. Cas could be happy.

Lifting his head, Cas gently removed the binky from his lips. “You love me?”

“Of course I do Cas, as much as I love Sammy. You two are more important to me than anything” Dean confirmed. A soft purr left Cas’s lips as he placed the binky back in, resting his head back where it was.

“Dean? Can we have breakfast yet, I’m starving!” Sam said, appearing from his room. Dean chuckled, the vibration filling every part of Cas’s mind.

“Yeah dude, let’s get some pancakes cooking!” Dean said, his hand leaving the spot on Cas’s back where circles had been mindlessly drawn. That hand reached down for Sam who took it and allowed himself to be led into the dining room of the small cottage.

Sam immediately grabbed a chair and pushed it to the counter so he could help Dean cook, something the pair often did together. Dean sat Cas on the counter, wanting to include him too. But as the cooking of the pancakes began, Cas simply observed how Dean and Sam worked in the kitchen together while he sat on his little perch and suckled on the binky that he absolutely wouldn't let leave his lips unless he was eating some of these pancakes.

“Alright Sammy, go and wash up and we’ll have some breakfast hmm?” Dean announced as Sam jumped off the chair and ran for another part of the house. Dean washed his own hands off in the kitchen sink quickly before helping Cas off the counter. “You hungry Cas?”

“Mmm!” Cas agreed from behind his binky.

“You sit here, and I’ll serve it up for you, okay?” Dean said as he placed Cas on one of the dining room chairs. He then grabbed a knife and fork and began to cut up the pancakes on two of the plates, one for Cas and one for Sam. Knowing exactly how Sam liked his pancakes, Dean soaked them in maple syrup and added both butter and fresh cut banana before leaving the plate with a fork at the seat Sam would likely take. Dean then looked at Cas. “What do you want on yours?”

“Mmm?” Cas mumbled in question.

“Right, forgot. You’ve never eaten pancakes. We’ll start with some syrup, and I’ll put some banana on the side for you too. Can’t go too wrong with that, although you’re probably gonna get sticky” Dean said, wishing he’d thought of buying a bib or something when he picked up the necessities for Cas. Or even stopping and getting some after witnessing the pizza mural on Cas’s face last night.

Dean finished up and placed the plate in front of Cas, taking his binky away at the same time before producing two plastic cups from the cupboard and filling them with water for Cas and Sam. Sam rejoined them just as Dean sat at his own plate, a mug of coffee accompanying his breakfast.

“Yum, thanks De” Sam said, immediately digging in.

Dean chuckled and watched as Cas carefully picked up his fork and looked to see what Sam was doing. “Do you want some help, Cas?”

“Mmm” Cas mumbled with a nod. It seemed Cas’s new found sound was not limited to being behind the binky. Dean put his own fork down and took Cas’s out of his hands.

“I cut yours small enough so you can just pop it right in your mouth. Here” He said, getting a bite-size piece of pancake on the fork and holding it to Cas. Cas opened his mouth and let Dean feed him. He chewed and swallowed with an inquisitive look on his face before smiling.

“Mmm!”

Dean chuckled. “Oh, you like pancakes huh? Do you need me to keep helping you?”

“Mmm. Please” Cas said, thinking on it and deciding to use his manners. Dean melted. Sam huffed, not that either of the others heard it.

“Great manners, little man, let’s get you fed.” Dean said, beginning to feed Cas his breakfast, including the banana, which was a weird texture at first, but Cas soon welcomed back after deciding he liked it. Dean only stopped when Cas didn’t open his mouth for a bite. “Full?”

“Mmm” Cas confirmed with a nod. He carefully pointed to the cup and Dean helped him drink like he had last night. It was probably for the best, Cas was more than likely to spill it on himself judging by the beating his motor skills had taken with the curse.

Happy that Cas was fed, and Sam was still eating, Dean quickly tucked into his own stack of pancakes before they went too soggy with syrup or cold. It didn’t take long for Sam to finish, drinking his water and putting his fork down. At this point Dean was almost done himself so the three sat as he finished his last bite and sighed in happiness. “Pancakes might be the greatest invention on the planet, huh Sammy?”

“Yeah” Sam mumbled from behind his thumb.

Dean frowned a little, about to ask his brother what was wrong when a smell became apparent. Chuckling, Dean looked at Cas. “Figure out another function, did you?”

“No?” Cas said, sounding unsure of himself. Dean’s frown returned.

“You didn’t poop?”

“Poop?” Cas asked.

“Yeah it’s when you- never mind. You probably wouldn’t know even if I described it to you” Dean said, standing and helping Cas to his feet, still on the chair. But when Dean pulled out the waistband of Cas’s pyjamas and diaper and found it both clean and empty, he realised what had happened. Eyes landing on Sam, Dean took a breath. “Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me”

At the realisation that he’d been found out, Sam burst into tears and curled his knees up, hiding his face behind them. Dean took his hand and pulled him gently but commandingly from the chair as Sam sobbed. “I’m sorry De! I’m sorry!”

Dean didn’t want to leave Cas on his own but also knew bringing him along to clean up Sam was not a good idea given the older boy’s current emotional fragility. Dean walked Sam into the bathroom and got down on his knees. “No more tears, Sammy”

“B-but I didn’t mean to!”

“Yeah, I know. But you did and now I have to clean you up okay?” Dean said. Sam sniffled but nodded, still very embarrassed by the fact that he’d had a messy accident so soon after his shower and after finally getting back into undies. Dean was likely to put him back in pullups after this. “Why did you do it, Sammy?”

“I-I don’t know”

“Are you jealous of me giving Cas attention?” Dean asked outright, certain it was what had been influencing Sam’s bouts of questionable behaviour in the last 24 hours.

“N-no!”

Dean sighed, knowing he needed to clean Sam up but knowing the truth, even if Sam couldn’t admit it out loud. Dean carefully pulled Sam into his arms. “Shh, remember what I told you? Cas needs help with things. He’s never ever had to be a human like you and I before, and he’s never been this small before. But I also told you that I’m always gonna love you and be here for you. He might be staying but so are you, you’re both stuck with me I’m afraid”

Sam managed a small smile from behind his thumb. He hiccupped as he looked at Dean. “D-De?”

“Yeah Sammy?”

“I-I’m sorry”

Dean kissed his baby brother on the top of his head. “I know Champ. Let’s get you cleaned up then we can relax today okay? I need to get Cas dressed but I think he’d probably really love to learn about your favourite movies”

“W-we can watch Spider-Man?”

Dean nodded. “Sure Sammy, we can watch Spider-Man.”

Sam smiled and allowed Dean to finish getting him cleaned up, including putting him in another pullup. Well it had been a long time since Sam pooped his pants, he kind of had it coming. At least it meant while they watched TV, Sam didn’t have to worry about having another accident.

Sending Sam on his way to the living room to pick out a movie, Dean went back to the dining room and found Cas with his thumb in his mouth. Picking up the binky and offering it to Cas, Dean was delighted when the boy accepted it and then confused when he reached his arms up. There was something different glazing over in Cas’s eyes since just before breakfast, something Dean couldn’t quite put his finger on. But he didn’t mind. If Cas was reaching up then Cas knew he wanted Dean and that was more of a grasp on this body than the angel had had this whole time.

“Come on Cas, we’re gonna watch a movie” Dean said, forgetting all about getting Cas into clean clothes and the breakfast dishes. He just wanted to sit and relax with his boys for the rest of the day.

Chapter Text

The knock at the door startled Dean a little but he left the boys on the couch watching the Spider-Man movie Sam had picked out. Cas’s wide eyes watched all the colours, and he seemed to be enjoying it, so Dean answered the door alone.

“Bobby?”

“This is some real shit you got yourself in, Winchester” Was Bobby’s reply, a huge book in his hand.

“I thought you were out of town until tonight” Dean wondered, knowing Bobby was away and that’s why he had to take Sam with him yesterday to Utah. “Also it wasn’t me that got into it, it was that idiot Gabe”

“You got coffee goin’?” Bobby asked.

Dean stepped aside and let Bobby into the cottage. “Let’s talk in the kitchen. I don’t need the prying ears of Samuel Winchester listening in on this”

Bobby nodded and walked to the kitchen with Dean following behind. Dean made bobby a cup of coffee and then one for himself after a long couple of days driving. “I looked up that curse of yours. She had to be some powerful thing to not only de-age him but also strip his grace completely”

“Yeah, no kidding. I checked the tracks too, she’s really dead. Cas got her good”

“She got him good too by the sounds of things” Bobby said.

“Ain’t that the truth. Is there a way to undo it?” Dean asked.

A sigh left Bobby’s lips, so Dean knew the shorthand answer was no. “There are things to do, but nothin’ that’ll make him the man he was nor the angel.”

“What things can we do then? What can we try?” Dean implored.

“Well, it’s not so much magic as it is practical. We forge him a birth certificate and get him legally adopted by you, make him a Winchester. And we can erase his memories if that’s bein’ an issue”

Dean’s eyes were wide. “Your solution is to accept it and move on? Meanwhile I’m looking after two kids and drowning”

“If there were somethin’ more then we’d try it Dean, but there ain’t. I’ve looked”

“Then let me look. I’ll track Gabe down and talk to him and figure something out” Dean all but begged.

“Yeah? You ain’t so great on the books if I recall. Look, I know you don’t wanna know it but it’s true. There’s nothin’, Dean” Bobby said. “Besides, can’t be too hard with two little ones who idolise you, can it?”

“Oh no, it’s actually going really well with Sam and Cas” Dean said.

“Really?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, so well. I mean, Sammy shat his pants at breakfast. That’s how well things are going”

Picking up on the sarcasm, Bobby sighed. “He jealous?”

“He has to be. I’m not trying to give Cas all my undivided attention or anything, I’ve been really lenient with Sammy sucking his thumb and having accidents. Hell, I didn’t even put him in timeout after this morning. But he’s out of sorts and it has to be having Cas here. And I won’t leave Cas either, not when he needs so much help. He’s out of sorts today too”

“How d’you mean?” Bobby asked.

Dean shrugged. “I don’t know, ever since he showed up, he’s been talking like Cas, like Cas normally does. But this morning all I seem to be getting is a single sound with different tones to tell me what’s up”

“Didn’t you say his mind was gonna slip away too?” Bobby asked.

“Yeah, but it had been so gradual until this morning. Would it really just switch overnight?” Dean asked.

“One way to find out, talk to him.”

“How is that gonna help if he won’t talk back?” Dean asked.

Bobby shrugged. “Don’ know. But you know your angel better than anyone. You’ll know if he’s still in there or if you’ve got another kid on your hands”

“Thanks Bobby, as usual you’ve been no help” Dean muttered.

“I gave you solutions, it’s not my fault the ones you want are impossible” Bobby said with a pointed look.

Dean sighed. “I guess you’re right. Sorry, I think I’m still reeling at the fact that in one year I’ve gone from having no kids to two of them.”

“You’ll be right boy, they got eyes for you. Always have. Looks like one of ‘em lost ya too” Bobby said, nodding to the door where Cas stood, still in his pyjamas and still with the binky in his mouth. Dean wasn’t sure when but at some point Cas had picked up his bee blankie and was cuddling that close too.

“Hey Cas, come over here for a second” Dean said. Cas’s eyes shifted to Bobby, but he walked to Dean, reaching up instantly. Dean didn’t hesitate or frown this time, just picked him up and sat the smallest one on his lap which resulted in a happy Mmm from the boy. “You remember Bobby Singer?”

Cas looked at Bobby again and frowned. He shrugged and Dean looked at Bobby, eyes wide in alarm. Cas never forgot a person’s face and he’d met Bobby a few times. Bobby wasn’t worried though and shifted to be in front of Cas. “Well hey little man, we met before, but it was a long time ago, so I’m not surprised you don’t remember. That’s a pretty soft lookin’ blankie you got there. You like bees huh?”

Cas nodded. “Mmm”

“There’s his sound” Dean chuckled.

“It’s communication, Dean. You gotta take it how it comes sometimes. Until you came back into his life, Sammy barely spoke a word to me. Jus’ grunted and groaned like that” Bobby explained before looking back at Cas. “How old are you feelin’ today, Cas?”

Cas looked up at Dean, confused. Dean chuckled. “He wants to know how old you are Cas. Do you remember?”

Cas frowned and shook his head with an indignant “Mmm”

“Are you feeling little today Baby?” Dean asked. He’d only called Cas Baby once, when he had tried convincing Cas to let go of all his bigger thoughts. Maybe that’s what the angel had done? Cas nodded with a small sigh, resting back on Dean. “He looks about four but mentally I don’t think he’s more than a baby”

“Hmm, wonder what other motor skills he’s gonna lose. He might’ve forgot how to talk or something” Bobby said.

“I don’t think he’s forgotten how to talk completely, I think he just prefers not to.” Dean said.

Bobby stood. “Well, Like I said. You know the angel best, you’re probably right. Want me to pick you up some things? Looks like you ain’t leaving the house happily any time soon if he’s cuddlin’ you like that and Sammy’s shittin’ himself”

“Could you? Just the things we absolutely need. A highchair, clothes, diapers”

Bobby nodded. “Bottles, sippee cups, more binkies for when that one inevitably gets lost, a diaper bag. More than you ever think, Dean. It’s always more than you ever think. I’ll shoot to town now and grab what I can, I’ll bring it by later today. Got some stuff in the garage too from when Sammy was a little'un”

“Thanks Bobby, I owe you”

“Jus’ stay your ass home and don’t do anything stupid. Get them two to get along” Bobby warned.

“I will” Dean said as Bobby left. The sound of the door closing brought Sam into the kitchen.

“De? Who was here?”

“Uncle Bobby stopped by”

Sam’s pout was epic. “And you didn’t tell me? I wanted to say hi!”

“He just needed to talk to me about the witch and the curse”

Sam huffed and looked at Cas with narrow eyes. “He got to say hi”

“Sam, what’s going on dude? You’ve been acting like a brat since yesterday” Dean asked.

“I’m not a brat!”

“Really? Cause you could have fooled me”

Sam was trying not to explode, Dean could see it. He tried breathing but it was no used, one look at Cas in Dean’s arms and it all came bubbling over the top. “I liked it when it was just you and me. No stupid babies! I don’t want him here!”

Dean was getting ready to start telling Sam off for the outburst when a sound stopped him. Looking down, Dean saw Cas’s face screwed up, bottom lip pouted, and tears coming. Oh shit, Cas was crying. Dean took a breath. “Sam, you can go to your room and have some time to calm down”

“Fine, don’t wanna be here with you and your stupid baby” Sam said with a huff, absolutely slamming his bedroom door as hard as he could. The sound made Cas flinch, and a louder cry escaped his lips. Dean fought everything in him to go and yell at Sam. He looked down at Cas.

“I know Baby, that was a bit scary huh?” Dean said, bringing Cas up for a better cuddle. Cas’s arms latched onto Dean’s neck as his little dam broke and loud sobs left his little body. “Shh, it’s okay Cas. I’ve got you Baby Boy”

“S-Sam hate Cas?” Cas stammered.

Dean could feel his heart breaking in two. Of course Cas would think that, because Sam had just called him a stupid baby twice and yelled about not wanting Cas in the house. “No, of course he doesn’t hate you. Sam’s just not used to sharing me. He’s trying to figure it out. But he doesn’t hate you Baby”

Cas hiccupped as he sighed, resting his head on Dean’s shoulder. “Mmm”

“I don’t know what that one means” Dean admitted with a laugh. Cas pulled off and pointed at his stomach.

“Mmm!” He grunted more forcefully.

Dean stood with Cas and heard it then, a small fart from the angel. He chuckled. “I think your tummy is sore, and I think it hurts because you need to empty it Cas. You need to poop”

Cas shrugged at Dean. “Mmm”

“Alright, how about we get you into real clothes for the day? And a clean diaper, this one’s feeling pretty wet Baby.” Dean said as he walked Cas down to his own room where he’d managed to put their bags from last night. He laid Cas on the bed. “Stay here a moment, I’m gonna check on Sammy”

“Mmm!” Cas whined, reaching for Dean.

“I won’t be long” Dean promised, quickly walking across the hall and gently knocking on Sam’s door. “Sammy?”

“G-go away”

“Please buddy, can I come in for a moment?”

Sam sighed from the other side. “F-fine”

Dean walked in and found Sam curled up on his bed, crying his little eyes out even with his thumb in his mouth. “Oh Sammy”

“I’m sorry! Okay? I’m sorry. I-I don’t know why I said that”

Sitting down, Dean welcomed his little brother into his arms and hugged him, stroking Sam’s hair. “I know. Look this thing, it’s not going to be an easy thing and I’m sorry I couldn’t give you more warning. I didn’t exactly have much warning myself, Sam. And I already don’t think I can look after you. How the hell am I supposed to look after two kids?”

“Y-you do look after me though” Sam sniffled.

Dean laughed. “Yeah, but most of the time I think I’m doing a pretty rotten job of it”

“You’re not”

“Means a lot you think that, thanks buddy. Look, I know it feels like everything has been unfair with how much I’ve had to look after Cas but there are perks to you being the oldest kid, you know”

“P-perks?”

Dean nodded. “Oh yeah. For starters, Cas is going to nap and go to bed much earlier than you. So there’ll be times when you get me all to yourself. And I don’t think I’m going to let him help me cook like you do, not unless we want the kitchen destroyed. Plus you’re always going to get the front seat while he’s too little to be out of a car seat. You’ve always been my shotgun, remember?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah. I really get to stay up later than him?”

“Well that depends. You need to stop acting up and having accidents man, that’s not gonna win you any favours”

“I know, I’m sorry De. Is uh, is Cas okay?” Sam asked, clearly worried he’d deeply hurt the small boy’s feelings.

“I think so. He’s in my room waiting on a diaper change at the moment. I wanted to make sure you were okay first” Dean explained. Sam pouted at the fact that Dean had left Cas all alone just to check on him. He looked up at Dean

“C-can I come say sorry?” Sam asked. Dean nodded.

“I think he’d like that very much. I don’t think he’s the same Cas we met yesterday so he might not understand completely. But he’ll appreciate it” Dean said, lifting Sam and walking him into the room where Cas laid, still in the same spot. “Hey Cas, you ready for a diaper change Baby?”

“Mmm!” Cas mumbled, kicking his legs.

Dean put Sam on the bed and nodded as Sam crawled over to the small boy. “C-Cas?”

The littlest one looked up into Sam’s eyes. “Mmm?”

“I’m sorry, for yelling. And for saying you’re a stupid baby and that I don’t want you here. Living with De is the best and I think you’re gonna really like it”

Dean felt his heart glow as Cas reached up and tugged gently on Sam’s hair, giggling as he did so. “I think that means you’re forgiven Sammy. Now, I need to get Cas changed and into some clothes. You wanna stay here and talk to him?”

“Yeah!” Sam said, laying on his stomach and talking away to Cas while Dean worked.

Dean helped Cas out of the pyjamas and just as he was taping up a new diaper, Sam’s face went to Cas’s stomach, and he blew a raspberry on the exposed skin. Cas’s entire body froze for a second, then Sam tried again. All of a sudden the room was filled with the most incredible giggles. They were contagious too, as Sam blew again but stopped halfway because he was laughing too much.

“Alright, don’t wind him up too much. We still have a Spider-Man movie to finish” Dean warned as he finally got the shirt over Cas’s head.

“Pie-Man?” Cas mumbled, looking expectantly. Sam howled with laughter again. Cas’s face smiled at the sound of making Sam laugh, he hadn’t said anything that funny, but Sam thought it was hilarious.

“P-Pie Man! That would be you if you were a superhero De!”

“Yeah, pie’s the best! Come on, Pie-Man awaits”

Dean scooped up both boys and ran them through the house, leaving behind a trail of shrieks and giggles before sitting on the couch. He had Cas cuddled in on one side and Sam on the other.

Maybe if they didn’t hate each other, this whole two kids gig wouldn’t be too bad? 

All that meant was Dean had to figure out a way to stop them hating each other.

Chapter Text

“Why are we up so early?” Sam groaned as he ate his cereal.

“You wouldn’t be so tired if you’d just admitted you needed to go to bed last night instead of proving you could stay up late. Cas was asleep a whole two hours before you” Dean retorted the next morning as he fed Cas some cereal while he sat in the highchair Bobby had found in his garage yesterday. He’d bought it over, along with the other things he’d picked up at the mall and whatever else he’d found lying around his house, including the old baby monitor used for baby Sam once upon a time.

Even with the extra sleep Dean had commented on, Cas still looked tired as he sat in his highchair, just accepting new mouthfuls of cereal when the one he was eating was gone. He'd somehow managed to figure out a few new words and in between mouthfuls, Cas would say just one. “Bed”

“We just got out of bed, Cas. We have to go into town today” Dean said, another spoonful of cereal in the angel’s mouth.

“Bed” Cas said as soon as he’d swallowed.

“Town” Dean retorted, feeding him another mouthful. Cas whined and sagged further in the chair, not accepting it. “Cas, you need to eat buddy”

“No” Another new one.

Dean sighed and put the spoon and bowl back on the table in defeat. “Are you nearly done Sammy?”

“Yeah. Why do we have to go into town so early?”

“Because I have someone I’ve gotta go see and we need to buy Cas some more things. You can help him pick out some toys I thought” Dean said as Sam’s eyes lit up.

“Really?”

“Well yeah, I need you for the job, Sammy. I don’t have any clue what I’m doing” Dean admitted but also wanted to make Sam feel special and needed.

“Can I get some toys too?”

“Maybe, depends how much more you grumble about being up early” Dean teased.

Sam quickly finished his breakfast and ran off to get dressed. Dean pulled Cas from the highchair and walked him down to the little room that was slowly being transformed for the former angel. Cas whined as Dean laid him down, but he was quickly quietened by the binky that was placed in his mouth. A comically small huff left the angel’s mouth as Dean go him dressed, including socks on his feet, not that he had any shoes for the boy, and a jacket over his clothes. “No”

“I liked it better when you mumbled. Sorry Baby, we’ve got to get these things done. And at the end of it, you’ll have some cool new toys to play with!” Dean said, picking Cas back up as the boy had found his preference of not walking but rather being held by Dean. Luck would have it that every time Cas reached up, Dean willingly picked him up. Cas wasn’t about to forego that feeling for something as mundane as walking.

“Mmm” Cas said, resting his head on Dean’s shoulder. Hopefully Cas wouldn’t fall asleep in the car, but it was looking unlikely that he’d manage to stay awake. Dean sighed and grabbed the bee blankie, handing it to Cas while they went and waited for Sam to be ready.

Somehow, and Dean didn’t particularly want to know how, Bobby had found someone who would be able to produce a fake birth certificate for Cas. They’d picked his birthday based on a timeline in which a young girl with no family disappeared before turning up dead a few months later. It would be plausible enough to believe if ever asked about it, that the girl ran way pregnant and died giving birth to Cas. But Dean was also sure no one was going to bring it up once Cas was legally adopted. And today they were picking up the birth certificate and beginning the legal processes for adoption before heading to the mall and picking up the last of the ‘necessities’ which turned out to be more than Dean ever expected, like Bobby had predicted.

“Sam, you ready?” Dean called. Sam walked towards the front entrance of the hall moments later, thumb in his mouth. Dean sighed, it seemed both of them were tired. “Yeah, let’s get this all over with hmm?”

Cas fell asleep minutes into the drive and Sam’s thumb wasn’t leaving his mouth for anything important either. Dean groaned as quietly as he could. This was basically the beginning of his third day with two kids and he felt like a failure. Bobby seemed hopeful that time was all he needed but Dean wasn’t so sure. Sam was swinging in and out of jealousy and loving Cas so fast it was giving Dean whiplash. Adjusting to Cas was the least of Dean’s worries though, as Cas adjusting to this life was definitely going to throw him through the biggest loop. If Dean had thought the last few days were hard, it was going to get harder.

Pulling up to the address Bobby had supplied him, Dean climbed out of the car and pulled a sleeping Cas from his seat as Sam slinked out and came to lean against Dean’s leg. Damn Cas was heavier when he slept. If he was planning on being asleep during outings in future, Dean was going to have to invest in a stroller or something for him. Sam wanted to hold Dean’s hand right now too, which was making him upset when Dean said he needed two hands to hold Cas. Sam had settled for gripping Dean’s shirt and sucking his thumb.

Dean took a deep breath and walked up to the front door, knocking. A lady answered it. “Can I help you?”

“My name is Dean Winchester, I’m a friend of Bobby Singer” Dean answered.

“Got your hands full there, don’t you? Come in Dean, you’ll be wanting Frank. Frank! You got someone!” The lady said. A younger man appeared moments later and instantly recognised the former hunter, even with the two additions suctioning to him.

“Dean Winchester? Frank Glazebrook” The man introduced himself.

“I’d shake your hand but I’m not about to wake the monster in my arms” Dean retorted with a laugh.

“This is the same monster Bobby Singer called about?” Frank asked.

Dean nodded. “Castiel”

“Now that’s C-A-S-T-I-E-L, yeah?”

“That’s right.” Dean confirmed.

Frank went over to a desk and pulled out a manilla folder. “Here we go, this should have everything you need to get him legally a person. Birth certificate, death certificate of the mother, signed statements from the court saying he’s got no other direct family, yeah you should be good to go with this”

“Thank you, what do I owe you?” Dean asked.

Frank laughed. “Once upon a time the answer would have been more than you can afford. But this ones on the house”

“Why?” Dean asked, confused at the whole statement. Frank shrugged and disappeared as he walked away, leaving Dean’s confusion evident as he looked to the woman. “I don’t suppose you know what that was about”

“Well word out is you’re out of the business and raising your family. Your old man wasn’t too well received by Frank, even in the early days. Bobby told us what happened with your brother and what you did as a result, and of course what you’re doing for the angel. Guess it made Frank, and I realise all Winchesters aren’t the same” She supplied, not wanting to say too much as Sammy still clung onto Dean.

“Right, well thanks for this. Means a lot, honestly”

The lady nodded. “Anytime Dean, though I’m fairly certain we won’t be seeing you again for any forgeries. Unless you somehow come across another angel cursed by a witch”

Dean managed a laugh. “One is plenty, I’d better get these two out of here. Thanks”

Walking back to the Impala, Dean buckled Cas into his seat and was glad the boy didn’t wake up, actually. He then scooped Sammy up and snuggled him tightly. He could feel the familiar padding of a pullup and chuckled as he cuddled his baby brother. Sam sighed and rested his head on Dean’s shoulder. “I wanna go home”

“You’re such a good kid, Sammy, you know that?”

This prompted Sam to sit up and look at Dean. “Why?”

“Because you knew you were tired and decided to wear a pullup just in case. That’s really mature and good of you, Champ”

A tired smile spread on Sam’s face. “Thanks De”

“But next time you’re going to listen to me about going to bed when I tell you to, aren’t you?” Dean said, poking Sam in the side just to hear him giggle.

“Nope!”

Dean laughed and put Sam back down. “Come on, We’d better get a tired little boy home. The mall will have to wait”

“Okay De” Sam agreed, climbing in the Impala. Dean climbed in too and began the drive back to the cottage. Maybe if Cas woke up in a better mood and Sam slept for a little longer, they could get to the mall today, but Dean wouldn’t hold his breath for it.

He moved Cas into bed and set up the baby monitor, taking the other receiver into the lounge where Sam sat on the couch waiting. Dean settled down next to him and sighed as he pulled Sam into his arms. “Yeah, I get it. We’ll let Cas sleep and maybe try the mall later this afternoon. Hopefully he poops soon or else we’re going to have to go to a doctor too”

“Why?” Sam asked.

“Because it’s not good to hold it, no matter what age you are. You wouldn’t know anything about that, you’ve never had a problem of holding it in” Dean teased. Sam blushed, thinking it was a dig on his breakfast accident the morning before.

“Shut up”

“Seriously, when you were a baby I would change you and then within ten minutes you’d poop again. Dad and your mom would just laugh at me too when I walked you back up the stairs for another diaper change” Dean said with a laugh at the memory.

“Wait really?” Sam asked, not knowing much about when he was a baby.

Dean nodded. “Oh and don’t even get me started on the time you threw up in my mouth”

Both of them were in hysterics after that. “H-how did I throw up in your mouth?”

“Let’s just say there’s a reason you don’t jiggle a baby up above you just minutes after they’ve fed. I thought you were whining at being up high, I learned my lesson” Dean said.

Sam laughed before sighing, sucking his thumb and resting back on Dean. “I’m sorry”

“What for Sammy? You haven’t done anything wrong” Dean said, confused.

“I’m sorry for not being a big boy all the time”

Dean pulled Sam into his lap, so they were facing one another. “Hey, look at me. Sammy, I don’t care how big or little you are. I know I get mad at the accidents sometimes and I think that’s because you’re always going on about being a big boy, I thought being big was what you wanted. But if you want to be little some days like Cas, and you stop getting so upset with yourself for using or wearing protection then I don’t see the problem”

“R-really? Even if I want to wear pullups when we’re home all day?” Sam asked. Dean nodded.

“Course Sammy, if that’s what you want. I just want you to be less sad about it happening. I can’t change the way your brain feels dude, but we can change how we feel about it” Dean said as Sammy cuddled into him tightly. “But you’ve really got to stop with the jealousy thing”

“I know” Sam mumbled into Dean’s shoulder. “I’m sorry”

“As if I could stay mad at you. Come on, what should we do while Cas sleeps?”

Sam looked up. “Can we watch a movie?”

Dean smiled with a soft nod. “Yeah Buddy, we can watch a movie. Any movie you want”

Chapter Text

Waking up, Cas frowned at the room he was in. It wasn’t where he’d fallen asleep, and he looked around in confusion before realising this was his room at Dean’s house.

Dean. Where was he? And Sam? Great, now Cas was feeling unsafe. Scared, that’s the word Dean would use. Cas was scared because he was alone.

Crawling to the edge of the bed, Cas noticed it didn’t look as high off the ground as the one in the motel. Making sure he had his binky in his mouth, he dropped the blanket to the floor and then carefully climbed off the bed. Glad when his little feet touched the floor, Cas scooped up the blanket and went looking.

His insides hurt. There was a pressure building where he’d felt his food fill. His stomach? All of a sudden a sound escaped, and he felt a small blast of wind leave some part of his body and into his diaper. Cas was confused when a smell hit him. It smelled a little bad and his insides still hurt.

Then a feeling he’d never felt before. Stopping at the door, Cas was almost hunched over in pain as something forcibly removed itself from his body. It wasn’t a wind this time, it was solid. Cas felt his body naturally begin to push it out and soon he was able to stand up. There was something in his diaper now and the smell was back and worse than before. But his insides didn’t hurt anymore. Cas had smelled something similar before, but when?

Aha! At breakfast yesterday! Dean had asked if Cas had pooped before taking a crying Sam out of the room. Maybe Cas had finally done it too? Which only made Cas wonder if that’s what Sam had done at breakfast yesterday. Should he be upset too? Sam certainly was.

Thinking about it, Cas was upset. But not at pooping though. He was upset at not being with Dean right now. Cas couldn’t help but whimper and cry as he padded through the cottage, just trying to remember where the living room was. He heard the sounds of the TV and began walking towards it. It sounded like they were watching another movie.

Cas finally found the kitchen and was relieved to know the living room wasn’t far. He made his way in and was even more relieved to see Dean and Sam sitting on the couch, Sam sucking his thumb while they watched the TV. “D-De?”

Dean’s eyes flicked over.

“Cas? Hey Baby. What’s wrong?” Dean said, noticing the look on Cas’s face. Cas didn’t wait for Dean to come to him, instead he let his little legs run as fast as they could, throwing his whole body towards Dean’s and over Sam to get there. “Shh, it’s okay Cas. We’re here. Hop off Sammy bud”

Cas felt himself be moved from where he currently was on Sam’s body, to being on Dean’s lap. He wanted to tell Dean all about waking up scared and whatever was in his diaper, and if Sam had pooped himself yesterday. But he never got the chance as Sam wrinkled his nose. “De, I think he pooped”

“I think he did too. I’ll go get him cleaned up. That’s got to make your tummy feel better, hmm Baby?” Dean said. Cas let more tears go as Dean picked him up and walked him out of the living room, away from Sam. He grabbed Dean tighter and cried louder when he was laid back on a bed.

“De!”

“Shh, it’s okay Cas. I’m just changing your diaper bud, you can’t stay in it now that it’s messy” Dean pacified. Cas closed his eyes and took a breath, realising he wasn’t in his room anymore. This was Dean’s room, it smelled just like him.

“De”

“Yeah buddy?” Dean asked as he untaped the diaper and winced a little at the smell.

“Ow” Cas said, rubbing his tummy area. Dean pouted.

“Is your tummy still sore Cas?” Dean asked. He wasn’t sure how, this was a decently soiled diaper, surely Cas had nothing left to give.

Cas shook his head. “Mmm”

“Oh, I see. Was your tummy sore and now it’s all better?” Dean rephrased as he wiped the boy with a baby wipe he’d held in his hands to warm up a little. Cas nodded. “Well, that’s because you needed to let it out. And you did, just like a good boy”

Cas beamed a little, never having been called a good boy before. “Sam-mee?”

“Sammy’s waiting for us in the living room”

“Sam-mee ow?” Cas asked. Why couldn’t he say what he needed to? His brain wasn’t letting him!

Dean chuckled as he pulled out a clean diaper. “Sammy’s had a sore tummy before too, so have I”

“No. Sam-mee ow. Poop?” Cas said. Poop, that’s a word he could say! Did Sammy poop his pants? From where he stood, Dean sighed.

“I see. I’m not sure what happened yesterday but Sammy doesn’t usually do that and he’s a little embarrassed by it. He knows it was wrong, but it was an accident” Dean carefully explained.

A massive pout appeared on Cas’s lips. “I wong?”

“Oh hell no, no way Baby. Sammy knows how to use the toilet and how to listen to his body. You don’t just yet which is why you have diapers. Pooping is normal and you did exactly what you were meant to do!” Dean reassured Cas as he finished taping up the diaper, picking Cas up without even putting his pants back on. Cas gripped tightly and breathed in an even more concentrated scent of Dean. “Come on, let’s go see how Sammy’s doing, hmm?”

Walking back out into the living room, Dean saw Sam’s face light up at the sight of them both. Dean sat back next to Sam, curious to see how either Sam or Cas was going to respond. Cas sat contently on Dean’s lap with his binky in while Sam immediately got up on his knees and started talking to Cas about why Spider-Man was the best superhero. Cas seemed very intrigued but Dean wasn’t sure how much he was actually hearing based on the speed of Sam’s words and the mental beating the angel’s brain had taken.

“And-and then he actually meets The Avengers! De, can we show Cassie The Avengers?” Sam asked, tuning Dean back into the conversation. Dean smiled at the way Sam called Cas Cassie.

“Maybe one day, I think Cas might be a little too young for The Avengers at the minute Sammy. But we should have something to eat and maybe we can actually make it to the mall today like planned, hmm?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, okay De. Can we have PB and J’s?”

“’BJ?” Cas echoed.

“Peanut butter and jelly. You’ve never had a PB and J?” Sam asked. Cas looked confused and shook his head. Dean chuckled.

“Actually, you did when you were able to tase human food once before, but I think you’ve forgotten. Don’t worry Cas, you love PB and J” Dean supplied.

“Otay, ‘BJ”

Sam grinned and jumped off the couch, taking Cas by the hand and leading him into the kitchen. Dean watched on, shocked for a moment before Sam whined for him from the kitchen. “De!”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m coming”

With all three of them eating their PB and J sandwiches, most of the PB and the J going all over Cas’s face rather than in his mouth, Dean smiled at the 180 of today. Sam wasn’t seeming so jealous, though there would be other moments Dean was sure. And Cas was pretty happy after his sleep and the calm down of his diaper incident. At breakfast time Dean had felt like a failure, now he felt invincible. Cas finished his sandwich, peanut butter smeared around his mouth and up to his eyebrows, jelly making his hands all sticky and coating the front of his shirt. “De?”

“Wow, someone enjoyed that sandwich, hmm?” Dean teased as he grabbed a cloth and began to clean Cas up. He managed to get the sticky substances off the angel’s face and hands, but the shirt was a goner. Dean pulled it off over his head. “I’m going to get Cas into a clean shirt and some warmer clothes for going out. Do you want to come help?”

Sam nodded, finishing the glass of water Dean had poured for him and jumping off the chair. For the first time since Cas had seemingly let go, Cas whined to be put down. Dean began to question it but as soon as he was down, he grabbed Sam’s hand, the other one reaching up for Dean. Getting the memo, Dean took Cas’s other hand, and he let Sam lead them into Cas’s new room.

“Can I pick out a shirt for him, De? Please?”

“Sure Sammy, that’d really helpful of you Champ. I’m going to find him some clean socks. His shirts are in here” Dean said.

Sam rifled through the drawer and pulled out a blue Spider-Man one, grinning at his choice. “You like this one Cassie?”

“Pie-Man!” Cas agreed, reaching for the shirt.

“Good choice Sammy, do you need a change or anything?” Dean said, seeing Cas hugging the shirt Sam had picked. Sam blushed and stuck his thumb in his mouth. “Dude, we talked about this. If you don’t want to be so big then you gotta stop getting embarrassed”

“I-I know”

“So, do you need a change before we go? Or do you want to wear underwear out?”

Sam shook his head. “N-no way! I don’t wanna have another accident in the Impala!”

“Okay, go get a fresh pullup on. Socks and a jumper too” Dean said, ignoring the bright red cheeks of his brother and turning his attention back to Cas as he pulled the Spider-Man shirt over the boy’s head. Sam shuffled off and returned soon after wearing socks and a warm jumper. His thumb was in his mouth, and he handed something to Dean. Sam obviously didn’t want to change himself and Dean nodded, but he still had to ask his brother permission. “Do you want me to change you here in front of Cas? I don’t mind if the answer is no”

Sam shrugged. “Don’t care”

“Are you sure Sammy?”

“J-just do it. I know he’s not gonna make fun of me” Sam said.

Dean nodded and carefully pulled Sam’s pants off, taking the very wet pullup off and replacing it with the clean one before helping Sam back into his pants. Sam was very clearly holding back tears and Dean simply pulled him into his arms. “You’re okay Sammy, you’re such a good boy for listening to your body”

Sam wasn’t so keen to pull away quickly and Cas noticed, clambering to his own unsteady feet and wrapping two clumsy arms around the Winchester brothers and their hug. Dean chuckled.

“Feel left out, did ya Baby?”

“Mmm” Cas mumbled.

“Alright, let’s hit the mall and get some toys!” Dean said, standing up and throwing Sam over one shoulder and Cas over the other. Shrieks from both boys carried through the cottage as Dean stopped them all at the front door. He pulled his own coat and shoes on before helping Sam into a pair of shoes while Cas sported a rather unimpressed look. “Sorry Baby, we can get some shoes for you while we’re out. I didn’t think to grab any when we were in Utah”

Dean picked Cas up and buckled him into the car seat while Sammy made his way around the other side of the car, shocking Dean when he climbed into the back beside Cas. Cas was elated. “Sam-mee!”

“Dude, you don’t wanna ride shotgun?” Dean asked.

Sam shrugged, thumb in his mouth. “I wanna sit with Cas”

“Whatever makes you happy, Sammy. Let’s go”

Chapter Text

One thing Dean was thankful for was that Cas didn’t seem to mind sitting in the little seat attached to the shopping cart. Besides the one time he’d held Sam’s hand to run through the house, Cas seemed pretty against Dean ever putting him down and making him use his perfectly fine, if much smaller than usual, legs. But Cas seemed to be happy in the cart, babbling at things and pointing out literally everything that caught his eye. The joke was on Dean though, because a very pouty little boy would frown back at him if he didn’t stop and let the angel kid admire whatever he wanted to admire.

Sam walked in step with the cart, also threatening to veer off and look at the things that caught his eye, but Dean would grab him back and make him put a hand on the cart.

Rolling into the clothing section, Dean let Sam go a little to find things Cas might like. He told his brother the angel’s size clothing, so Sam knew which numbers to look for.

It seemed Cas had enough wits about him to decide on clothing and it also seemed anything Dean pulled earned him a headshake, while most things Sam pulled earned a smile and grabby hands.

“See? No way I could have done this without you Sammy.” Dean said as Sam returned with yet another winning shirt for Cas. The cart began to pile up and Dean was sure they had enough clothes for any season, pyjamas included, and that they needed to move on before this trip ate an even bigger hole in his wallet. “Alright, no more”

“But De, he needs this Iron Man shirt!” Sam begged, flashing the shirt he’d just found in front of Cas’s face. Cas listened to Sam’s words and reached out for it. If Sammy said he needed it, then he probably needed it.

“Sammy, he doesn’t even know who Iron Man is” Dean argued as he took the hanger and went to put it back.

Cas pouted and reached forward. “I-Man! My!”

“See? He wants it” Sam said.

Dean sighed in defeat, placing the shirt in the cart. Cas’s legs did a little happy kick and Sam smiled in victory, making Dean shake his head. “This is the last thing, he’s gonna have more clothes than you do soon. We still need shoes, a stroller, and more diapers”

Thankfully for Dean’s wallet, Cas was less keen on the shoe section, mainly because Dean had pulled him from the cart in order to try on shoes and walk around in them. “De! Up!”

“Hold on Cas, we gotta get you some shoes dude”

“De!” Cas whined.

“How about these ones? Do you like these ones?” Dean attempted to distract. Cas, in frustration of not being listened to, sat on the floor and folded his arms with a huff. “Jesus Christ. Sammy? I could use some help cheering him up”

But Sam had disappeared from Dean’s view. Just as Dean was about to scoop Cas up and run through the store like a mad man to find him, Sam reappeared. “De! Look at these ones!”

Dean looked and saw Sam holding a pair of rubber boots usually used in the rain, light blue and with an image of Spider-Man on the side. Cas saw them too and scrambled to his feet. “Pie-Man!”

“Alright Baby, we’ve gotta try them on” Dean said as he wrestled the current, apparent no, pair of sneakers off Cas’s feet and replaced them with the boots that Sam had miraculously gotten in the right size.

Cas smiled and walked around in them. Shoes were not something his very young brain was used to, but he seemed to hate these ones the least. He might even like them. “Pie-Man, De?”

“Yeah buddy, we’ll get the Pie-Man shoes. We need a pair of sneakers though, you don’t need rain boots all the time”

Cas nodded but wrinkled his nose at all the pairs he’d already tried on. “No”

“Alright, none of these. What do you think then? Anything else you like the look of?”

Cas scoured the shelves when Dean picked him up and he gasped, pointing to a pair on the shelf. “Bee!”

Dean looked to find a single pair of yellow and black bumblebee sneakers with Velcro straps that would make getting them on Cas’s feet easier. There were no others around it and Dean held his breath as he grabbed them and looked. They were Cas’s size. Letting out his breath, Dean sat Cas one last time and helped him put the shoes on. A squeal left Cas’s lips as he ran up and down the aisle in the shoes. Okay, finally Dean found a winner.

“Bee sneakers it is. God, we haven’t even gotten through half the store yet” Dean said, taking the shoes off Cas’s feet with minor protests from the boy and placing them in the cart with the Spider-Man rain boots. Dean then placed Cas back in the seat and took the cart in another direction, Sam following behind.

“Can we go pick out toys now De?” Sam asked.

“I think we should save toys for last. Let’s finish with the boring things first” Dean said. Sam sighed while Cas pouted. “Don’t worry Cas, we’ll definitely get some toys today”

“Bee?”

Dean smiled. “I’m sure we could find a bee somewhere. But first we need to go get you more diapers and things”

“Boring” Sam moaned.

“We’ll get to the toys Sammy, hold your horses”

Dean wasn’t sure how he managed it but eventually they ended up in the toy department, everything else Cas could have possibly needed in the cart already. The cart was dangerously close to being full, but Cas needed something to play with.

Sam took Cas by the hand once more when Dean lifted him out of the cart, dragging him through the aisles to find things. Blocks, toy cars, a stuffed bee that Cas very soon wouldn’t relinquish, Sam had even convinced him to get a Spider-Man action figure set though Dean was certain it was so Sam could play with them as well.

“Oh, and this one too!” Sam said, pointing out a Spider-Man Lego set.

“I think Cas is a little young for Lego just now, Sammy” Dean said, hating the pout on his brother’s face. Quickly remembering his deal that if Sam behaved then he could also have something, Dean spoke again. “But I think it’s perfect for a kid named Sam I know”

Sam looked at Dean, eyes wide. “Really? I can have it?”

“Go on Sammy, you’ve been awesome today. I couldn’t have done this without you” Dean said. It was the truth, without Sam this whole trip would have been a disaster and Cas would have ended up with a dresser full of clothes he’d refuse to wear.

Sam grinned and put the Lego set in the cart before throwing his arms around Dean. “Thanks De, you’re the best big brother ever!”

“Yeah, I know. You’re a close second though Sammy. Let’s get all of this home” Dean said. Checking out took a while considering Dean was certain they had almost everything the store sold in the cart. And the total? Dean had to look away while she swiped his card. But the bright blue eyes staring up at him while cuddling the most adorable stuffed bee Dean had ever seen made him smile. It was all for Cas, and Cas deserved a childhood and a good one at that. Dean was going to do everything he could to make it that way if it turned out there was no way to make him an angel again, which was looking more and more likely.

Leading the boys back to the Impala, Sam skipped along and didn’t suck his thumb, not even once they were in the car and driving home. He also opted to sit in the back again by Cas. Drowning on dry land felt like a million years ago in Dean’s mind when it was only yesterday morning. Getting each of the boys a snack once they were home and sitting down at the kitchen table to relax with them was exactly what Dean wanted right that second.

Of course that idea was ruined when someone appeared in the kitchen. Literally appeared. Cas jumped, Sam screamed, Dean grunted.

Gabriel smirked.

“What the hell Gabe!” Dean asked through gritted teeth as he stood and shoved the archangel harshly.

“What? I heard you wanted to talk to me”

“Yeah? Did you hear that I wanted to kick your ass?”

Gabe chuckled. “Oh Deano, you’ve always been a tad overdramatic don’t you think? I see you got my little package”

Gabe’s eyes landed on Cas and Dean instinctively stood between Gabe and the boys. “Leave them alone”

“Not very receiving of company or help, are you Dean?”

“Help? What kind of help could you possibly give? You dumped a baby angel on my motel room doorstep and ran away” Dean growled.

“D-De? Make him go away!” Sam’s scared voice whimpered. Dean sighed, turning away from Gabe and towards him and Cas.

Dean scooped Sam up with one arm before getting Cas with the other. “Shh, it’s okay. I just need to talk with him. Hey, how about you and Cas go play with his new toys hmm? I left them in the living room”

Sam sniffled and took Cas’s hand, shooting a look back at Dean. “De?”

“Go on Sammy, I’ll be okay. I’m not scared of him” Dean assured. Sam nodded and dragged Cas off. Dean looked at Gabe. “You’d better start talking before I start ganking”

Gabe held his hands up. “Hey, he’s the one who got himself into this mess”

“Like I believe that”

“It’s true. Why, what did he tell you?”

Dean sighed as he sat. “Not a lot. I had his adult angel brain with a squeaky voice for maybe a day and now I get a kid who barely mumbles at me”

“Wow, that worked much faster than anticipated”

“Anticipated? What the hell do you know about all this Gabe?”

“Only that she said he would be completely stripped of his grace and be a small child. Castiel seemed to think it would be mental as well as physical, I disagreed. He was right” Gabe said.

“And there’s really nothing to be done?” Dean asked, though his painful conversations with Bobby told him he already knew the answer.

“Unfortunately no. He won’t ever be the angel you knew him again. He might become an angel again someday, or he’ll grow up a human and it will all be some weird fever dream of a past life”

Dean huffed. “Yeah? Fan-fucking-tastic”

“You use that mouth in front of the children?” Gabe teased.

“Not in the mood”

“Clearly. Look, I saw what she was doing, and I pushed him out of the way. I thought we were okay but just as I served the final blow, she hexed again, and my asshole brother jumped in front of me. Be glad you got a baby Cassie and not a baby Gabe”

“I guess that is a relief. And you really can’t do anything about it?” Dean asked. He knew but he had to really know.

Gabe shook his head with the slightest hint of remorse on his face. “I can’t. And he’s a human completely now, I can’t just hang out on earth and raise him. I figured you were the closest thing he had to family”

“How the hell am I supposed to raise two of them, Gabe?”

“You seem to be doing fine so far” Gabe said with a shrug of nonchalance.

“Really? Because I’m this close to torching myself” Dean said with a shrug of his own.

“Hey, the big man only said he’d kill me if I raised Cassie. He didn’t say anything about me lending you a hand raising him”

Dean laughed. “Please? You think I want to torch myself now? Give us a week playing house and I’ll torch you in your sleep”

“Well, it’s a good thing I don’t sleep then” Gabe said with a grin.

“De?” Came Sam’s small voice from the entry to the kitchen.

Turning with a smile to assure the boys everything was okay, Dean dropped it quickly when he saw Sam sucking his thumb with tears in his eyes and Cas holding his hand tightly hiding behind him. “What’s wrong Sammy?”

“C-Cas is sad and won’t stop crying”

“Come here you two” Dean said, holding his arms open. Sam and Cas threw themselves into them and Dean quickly pulled them both to be sitting on a knee each. “Sam, this is Gabe. Cas, do you remember Gabe?”

Cas had his face hidden in Dean’s neck, but Dean felt him nod. “Mmm”

“Cas’s big brother?” Sam asked. Dean nodded.

“The one and same”

Sam frowned. “You said he was an assho-”

Dean’s hand quickly clamped down on Sam’s mouth. “Yes, I did say he was an asshole. That’s not a word you need to be saying though”

“Sorry De” Sam mumbled from behind his older brother’s hand. Dean pulled his hand away. “Why is he here?”

“He’s sitting here and can hear you quite easily” Gabe said. Sam’s face flushed bright red, and he turned away from the archangel, hiding his face in the other side of Dean’s neck.

“Take it easy dickhead, he’s just a kid.”

“Sorry” Gabe said, though there was no sincerity behind the word.

Dean sighed. “Gabe’s here because he knew I needed answers to questions. And he is Cas’s brother so he might be around a bit more while Cas grows up”

“He’s not gonna take Cas away?” Sam asked.

“No, he’s not.”

“You promise?” Sam lifted his head with the words, looking deeply into Dean’s eyes to show he was in serious need of a real promise.

Dean smiled softly. “Promise. It’s us three against the world, right Cas?”

There was no reply from the small former angel though, he’d fallen asleep right in Dean’s arms. Gabe’s grin actually softened. “You’re good with them, both of them”

“Guess it’s a good thing I decided to stop hunting, huh Sammy?” Dean said with a chuckle. Sam simply nodded and rested his head on Dean’s shoulder. “Look Gabe, I’m alright with you being in Cas’s life but we’ve had a very weird couple of days, and we’ve got more to go with legalising Cas’s adoption so it might be best if you leave now.”

Getting the hint, Gabe nodded and stood. “Next time I come, I’ll have presents”

When Gabe suddenly disappeared, Sam’s eyes grew wide again. Dean rolled his and gently slid Sam off his lap. “Next time he’d better use the front door. I’m going to lay Cas in bed for a nap I think, then you and I can do something okay Sammy?”

“Yeah, okay De. I thought angels were ‘sposed to have wings?”

“Next time Gabe comes you throw on your damn puppy-dog eyes and he’ll let you see his wings” Dean said with a wink as he stood with the sleeping Cas, walking him down to the angel’s new room. The new bed with rails on the side gave Dean a peace of mind now that he knew for sure Cas wouldn’t fall out the damn thing. He hadn’t yet but a few times Dean had managed to find him teetering the edge. Dean laid Cas down and pressed a soft kiss to the boy’s forehead. “I love you Cas, I promise you’re safe here”

Chapter Text

“Alright we’ve got eyes falling out of their heads here, let’s get you to bed Cas” Dean said one night as the now-stubborn four-year-old refused, as per usual. Sam’s influence on Cas had been pretty up and down. Parts of it were positive but there were questionable things too, like how to get out of doing what you don’t want to do; crying. Loudly.

Cas was yet to have a full-blown tantrum, but he protested greatly as Dean walked through the cottage to his bedroom.

“No bed!”

“Sorry little man, you’re exhausted. Sammy is too, he’s going to bed soon as well” Dean said, laying Cas on the change table Bobby had built.

Cas screwed his little face up and began to cry as he flailed and made a diaper change nearly impossible for Dean. “Sam-mee!”

“Sammy’s not gonna help you out of this one buddy, now hold still”

Cas shook his head and still cried. Somehow Dean managed to get him completely changed and ready for bed. When picked back up, his face went right into Dean’s shoulder as he held on and cried. “De!”

Dean sighed and rubbed Cas’s back. “Yeah, I’m here Baby. I’m here. Come on, let’s snuggle in my bed for a little hmm?”

Cas nodded, a huge yawn escaping his little body. “’Tay”

Dean couldn’t help but shake his head. If someone had told him a year ago that he’d be raising two kids, he’d have laughed in their face. Especially if he’d known one of those ‘kids’ would be the angel he considered his best friend. Making his way into his own room with Cas in his arms, Dean knew it would be five or ten minutes of lying down together to knock Cas right out.

It seemed Cas had different ideas tonight though, because after five minutes of laying down and Cas’s squirming, Dean smelled Cas’s surefire way of not going to sleep yet. “God damn it kid, did you really shit just to avoid sleep?”

“Yeah” Cas agreed, though Dean was sure he didn’t even know what he was agreeing too.

“For fucks sake” Dean muttered, walking Cas back into the smallest room in the cottage and laying him on the change table once again. “Cas, stay still so I can wipe your butt!”

“No!” Cas wriggled and squirmed. Dean wrestled to keep the boy in place, finally successfully taping the diaper up. When he pulled the boy off the table and rested him against his chest, Cas bucked backwards. “No!”

“Castiel, it’s bed time” Dean said in a stern voice.

“De?” Sam’s voice came from the doorway.

“Yeah Sammy?”

“Can you get me juice?”

Dean sighed. “Sam, I’m clearly a little busy. And it’s late, you don’t need juice”

“Please De!” Sam said, his voice indicating it was close to meltdown time. Seeing as Cas was refusing to wind down, Dean put him down and picked Sam up.

Cas didn’t know what he wanted but he knew what he didn’t want and being sat on the floor was exactly that. He threw his whole body back and began to wail. Sam cried too because Dean was being a meanie and not giving him juice. Dean groaned.

“Alright, alright this is ridiculous now. Come on, you can get into your pyjamas and then all three of us are going to bed” Dean said, walking Sam into his room and leaving Cas in a crying heap on the floor.

“Deeee!” Cas’s broken voice screamed from the other room.

Dean did his best to block it out, replacing Sam’s very wet pullup with a dry one. Since their conversation about Sam not being quite ready to grow up, the boy had almost been in pullups permanently around the house. It seemed to ease Sam’s peace of mind about having accidents, and while he certainly still did go to the toilet during the day, Dean found with each day that passed he was still inevitably changing a wet pullup by the end of it.

“Pyjamas, now” Dean instructed Sam as he laid them out. A pouty Sam folded his arms.

“Don’t want those ones”

Dean sighed as Cas screeched very loudly. “Then pick out ones you do want to wear, I’m going to grab Cas”

“DE!” Cas screamed as soon as Dean walked back in.

“Alright you, that’s enough. Let’s take some deep breaths okay?” Dean said, scooping the screaming child up. Cas’s cries immediately quietened once he was in Dean’s arms, making the oldest Winchester roll his eyes. “Cas baby, Sammy and I are going to sleep too, okay? All three of us, hmm? Sleepover in De’s bed?”

“No seep” Cas mumbled from behind his thumb. Dean retrieved the binky off the floor from Cas’s freakout and sucked the dust off before offering it to the small boy.

“Whatever, let’s see how Sammy’s doing hmm?”

Dean wasn’t sure what he should prepare for in Sam’s room but seeing the boy in nothing but the pullup playing on the floor with his entire drawer of pyjamas strewn over the room was about what he expected.

“Samuel, what happened in here?” Dean asked.

Sam didn’t look up at his brother, knowing he only got called Samuel when he was in trouble. “Dunno”

“Oh my god, did you two plan this or something? Here, clean this up” Dean said.

“No”

“Samuel Winchester, I swear to god-”

“No!” Sam screamed. Cas screamed at the sound and Dean felt like screaming himself.

“Fine. Have it your way.” Dean said, grabbing Sam around the waist and hoisting him up like a football, still dressed in nothing but the pullup. Sam flailed against Dean’s grip, but Dean held him strongly.

“Stop! You’re hurting me!”

“I am not. Lie down”

“NO! You’re not the boss of me!”

Dean actually chuckled. “Oh I most certainly am the boss of you, of both of you. And this boss is saying it’s time for bed.”

Sam was flung onto the bed, and Cas was laid down next to him. Sam tried to wriggle off, but Dean was quick to grab him under the armpits and pull him back up. “No!”

“Shh, come on. Both of you come here” Dean said, sitting in the middle of the bed and pulling Cas and Sam under an arm each. “There we go, calm down now. It’s okay, we don’t have to go to sleep but we need to lie in bed now”

“Dean! I don’t wanna!” Sam whined.

“No wanna, no wanna!” Cas echoed.

“That’s enough you two, just enjoy some cuddles with me hmm?” Dean crooned, hoping that the screaming fits would stop. He couldn’t give two shits if the boys didn’t fall asleep until midnight at this point, he didn’t even care that Sam’s room was a dumpsite or that Cas’s room had a toxic diaper still sitting in it. He just needed them to stop for a moment. Sam still sniffled and sucked his thumb. Cas’s eyes slowly began to close. “What do you need Sammy?”

“I-I wanted juice”

“Yeah buddy, I know. But juice is a treat, and we can’t have it just before bed”

“Th-then I won’t go to bed”

Dean shook his head with a smile. “Well, I’m sorry but you’re not getting that wish because you’re exhausted”

“I want milk”

Dean frowned at this. He’d been trialling a bottle of milk for Cas when the boy seemed firmly against sleeping or calming down. He hadn’t even thought to offer Cas one tonight as he really thought Cas would be passed out asleep by now with how tired he looked. Well, he might have been right because Cas was definitely almost asleep on his other side.

“I can get you a cup of milk Sammy, it won’t keep you awake like juice will”

Sam shook his head. “Not like that! I-I wanna bottle like Cassie”

“You don’t need a bottle buddy”

“Yes I do!” Sam said in a louder tone that made Cas flinch from under Dean’s other arm. Dean whispered a hushed wish that Cas didn’t wake up. Cas relaxed and Dean sighed in relief.

“Hey shh, I think Cas is finally going to sleep.”

“Wanna bottle De”

Dean carefully let Cas down and left him there as he picked up Sam and walked him out of the room to try to explain. “You’re too old for a bottle buddy, you haven’t had one of those since you were five. Bobby told me”

“B-but you make ‘em for Cas!”

Sitting down on the bed in Sam’s room, Dean lifted his brother’s tear-streaked face to look at him. “Cas has only been a human for a week, dude. He’s basically a baby and he certainly doesn’t eat enough real food at the minute. This is a way to calm him down and keep his belly full. You know that. I told you that”

“S’not fair” Sam sniffled.

“Why do you want one Sam?”

“’C-cause. Cause you let C-Cas have ‘em”

“You get things Cas doesn’t get. Remember your Lego set? And you help me cook, you get the front seat of the Impala, hell you get to shower on your own. Cas doesn’t get any of that”

Sam stuck his thumb in his mouth and spoke the most heartbreaking thing Dean thought he’d ever heard the boy say. “Cas gets you”

“Hey, you get me too. Look at right now, you’re in here getting cuddles with me while Cas sleeps. And the other day we changed the oil in my car while he napped. You get me too, Sammy”

“Not whenever I want. Not like before”

Dean sighed. “I thought you liked Cas being here. I thought you understood”

“I-I do!” Sam cried.

“Then why are you still jealous of him Sammy?”

Sam sighed, tears welling and beginning to fall again. He threw his arms around Dean’s neck. “I-I don’t know!”

Dean was at a loss. He knew Sam’s jealousy would rear its ugly head again, it was only a matter of time. But with Cas so helpless, Dean didn’t know how to get through to Sam. The other day Dean had thought he could leave Cas alone while he did laundry and walked back inside to find Cas scaling a kitchen chair onto the counter to reach for a packet of chips in the top cabinet. Cas seemed to have a knack for getting into everything. After his nap today, Dean had witnessed the boy get his pants and diaper off in record time. Then right when Dean had picked him up to get him into a clean one, Cas had peed all over Dean’s front. The boy needed a constant supervisor, Dean couldn’t just leave him and let him get into his own situations.

Bobby had suggested a child psychologist for Sam when Dean had first taken him in. He was concerned for Sam’s development delays when he started having the accidents again. But for the year they were together, Dean had made some serious leeway with Sam, and they had made progress. One week with another kid in the house and Sam was back to acting like a toddler? Maybe it was worth Dean looking into.

Sam sighed tiredly on Dean which brought the older brother back to reality. “Alright, we need pyjamas on and sleep I think”

“C-can I have milk?”

Dean pursed his lips. “I can make you a cup of warm milk. I am not giving you a bottle Sam”

Sam’s lips pouted. “P-please?”

“No, no you don’t need one. You just want one. Cup of warm milk or nothing”

Sam slid off Dean’s lap in response and crawled under his own blankets, hiding from his brother as he cried. Dean sighed and stood up from the bed, quickly cleaning up Sam’s pyjama tornado before dealing with the stinky diaper in Cas’s room. Sam’s crying eventually stopped, and Dean sighed in relief when both boys were finally asleep for the night. He took that time to call Bobby.

“I need you to find me some sort of counsellor or shrink that knows about hunting and supernatural stuff” Dean opened with.

Bobby let out a long sigh. “Things not lookin’ up then?”

“I don’t fucking know anymore Bobby. Cas has learned the Sam Winchester way to get what he wants and had a fit before bed, then shat himself five minutes later just to avoid sleeping. And Sam’s asking me for bottles and milk and shit. But I can’t just take them to some person and have Sam blab on about Cas being an angel that was turned into a kid by a witch”

“As it turns out, I do know someone. And she lives close by, d’you think it’d be worth getting’ the angel set up with her too?”

Dean sighed, cracking open a beer. “Honestly I’ll take anything at this point. If it helps Cas adjust to being human faster and gets him to the point of being trusted alone for more than five seconds then I’ll sign him up right away”

“I’ll send you her details. Her name’s Pamela Barnes”

“Wait, Pamela Barnes the psychic?”

Bobby laughed. “Also Pamela Barnes the child psychologist. I think she’d be good for your two troublemakers. She’ll wanna do a prelim interview with just you, so if you can get them two to get along, you can drop ‘em off to me for a couple of hours”

“Thanks Bobby, I owe you”

Chapter Text

“But why do we have to go to Uncle Bobby’s?” Sam asked, for the millionth time that morning.

“Because I have to go talk to someone very important for a bit and you two aren’t allowed to come with me” Dean replied, feeding Cas another spoonful of oatmeal. Cas seemed to be in an okay mood for eating. Dean was glad, it meant he wouldn’t have to give him a bottle and potentially start Sam up about the whole thing again. So far it had been a fight every bed time with the younger Winchester.

Bobby had secured Dean a preliminary interview with Pamela for that morning, so now it was a mission to get everyone fed, dressed, and out the door.

“I can be quiet, De! I’ll just sit in the corner and play with my trucks”

“No buts, Sammy. You two are going to Bobby’s. It’ll only be for an hour. Eat your breakfast”

Sam grunted but continued to eat his oatmeal. Cas almost finished the whole bowl before deciding he was full and pushing Dean’s hand away. “No”

“All done?”

“Mmm” Cas mumbled, putting his thumb in his mouth. Dean took it out to wipe the angel’s face before offering the binky and picking him up.

“I’m going to get Cas ready. When you’re done breakfast, I’ll get you ready too” Dean said to Sam before walking down the hall to Cas’s room. Sam slinked in through the door, thumb in his mouth, not long after. “Do you wanna go get some clean clothes? Or get dressed yourself maybe?”

“No” Came Sam’s one-word reply.

“Suit yourself, I’m almost done with Cas” Dean replied, getting Cas dressed in the Iron Man shirt Sam had begged to get for him, pulling a warm jersey over the top. “Alright Sammy, let’s go”

Sam shrugged again, thumb in his mouth, and Dean sighed. Sam’s mouth was caked in oatmeal, but that wasn’t the only thing that had Dean wanting to sigh. It was the return of a certain smell Dean had gotten to know well when it came to Cas, though it wasn’t coming from the smallest boy this time. Dean stopped himself from reacting too strongly by taking some deep breaths. He eventually took Sam’s hand and walked towards the boy’s room to lay him down.

“What happened?”

“I-I had an accident”

Dean knew it was no accident, that Sam’s jealousy was causing him to act childish and be lazy. But it was no solution to yell at the boy about it. “Okay. Let me clean you up. I want you in a pullup at Bobby’s”

“I don’t need one”

“You just had an accident Sammy, you need one” Dean said, throwing the use of the word accident back on Sam.

Sam huffed and folded his arms as Dean pulled some clothes out. “Fine”

Dean cleaned Sam up and got him dressed, including dragging a brush through his messy bed hair. He felt bad for unloading a very cranky Sam onto Bobby, but it had to be done. He needed to have this meeting with Pamela. “Alright, you’re ready. Let’s go”

Having prepared to be out the door as soon as they were all ready, Dean quickly grabbed Cas from his room before he could finish pulling all of his clothes out of their drawers. He then grabbed Sam’s hand and walked to the front door where the fully packed diaper bag now sat, then he was ushering both boys into the car and driving to Bobby’s.

“There you three are, was wonderin’ if you were gonna show” Bobby greeted them when Dean got the boys into the house. Dean sent him a look that plain as day told Bobby to shut up. Bobby simply chuckled. “That bad of a mornin’, huh?”

“Trying to get them both fed, dressed, out the door, and happy is impossible. I managed to get Cas all four, but you’ve got a bit of a cranky Sammy I’m afraid and I don't even want to think about the state of my house” Dean explained.

“Nothin’ I haven’t handled before. We’ll be fine, won’t we Sammy?”

Sam grunted. “It’s Sam”

“Oh yes sir, c’mon why don’t you go find somethin’ to play with?”

Sam let go of Dean’s hand and made his way further into Bobby’s house. Dean put Cas down and was relieved not to hear the boy whimper to be picked back up. “This one seems to be in a really good mood. Sam shit his pullup after breakfast on ‘accident’, so he’s wearing one here. If Cas gets cranky or tired, he might need a bottle to go to sleep. Just, try to get it to him without Sammy around. He’s still asking me for them”

“Boy, I’ve been lookin’ after Sammy since he was the size of a cat. I can handle it. You hurry out that door, Pamela don’t wait around” Bobby said.

“Okay, I’ll only be an hour or so. Cas, try not to burn the house down” Dean said as he left.

Driving to Pamela’s office felt weird. Not because he was meeting with a psychologist about Sam’s behaviour, but because he hadn’t driven alone in a while. Sure, there was the odd hunt where Sam would go to Bobby’s, but Sam was with him almost all of the time, and recently Cas too. Driving in the car alone felt weird.

There was relief when Dean pulled into the parking lot of the building with five minutes to spare before his set interview time with Pamela. He wouldn’t be rushing in with an apology on the tip of his tongue for this.

Approaching the front desk, Dean cleared his throat. “Hi, I’m here for a meeting with Pamela Barnes, my name is-”

“Dean Winchester” A voice from behind Dean answered. He turned away from the reception desk to find a woman with dark hair standing with her arms folded. “Heard a lot about you, finally get to meet the man behind the legend. Come in”

“Pamela I’m assuming?” Dean asked as he entered the office, holding his hand out. She shook it with a smile.

“Indeed I am. Now Bobby explained a little bit of your situation to me. But he neglected to tell me how handsome you are in the flesh. Damn, those Winchester genes run deep”

“You know John then?” Dean asked with a chuckle.

“Met him once or twice in that life. Now let’s sit and talk about you in this life.” Pamela said, gesturing to a couch. Dean sat. “Bobby mentioned you have two kids you look after and that I was the right psych for them. Psych as in psychologist, not psychic.”

“Yeah, uh. Where do you want me to start?”

Pamela smiled. “Wherever you feel. Tell me about the boys, taking them in, why you’ve come to see me. Just tell me about your life”

Dean cleared his throat. “Okay, well Sam’s my half-brother. He’s nine, turned nine in May. His mom was killed by Azazel the demon when he was six months old. John basically kicked me out of their life because of it, so I became a hunter under my own name. Thought about Sam every day for seven and a half years or so ‘til Bobby called me up and said he needed to talk to me about Sam”

“And was that about you taking Sam in and raising him?” Pamela asked. Dean nodded.

“John and I haven’t spoken since I walked out at nineteen. But he changed his voicemail and then never went back for Sammy. Apparently Bobby told him stories about me and Sam left when he was four once and must have brought it up to John because Bobby said he changed when he was brought back” Dean explained.

“Changed? How so?”

Dean sighed. “Well, Bobby wondered if John might have hit him or something for asking about me. Until that time, Sam was a normal kid. But Bobby said he came back and was wetting the bed, wetting his pants, sucking his thumb all the time. Stopped talking a mile a minute too apparently. I was still hunting a little bit when Sammy came to live with me, but after more than a night at Bobby’s he’d regress pretty badly”

“Nice use of the word regress, that sounds almost exactly like what Sam is doing. Now, tell me about this angel?”

“Castiel and I met a few years ago. Initially we weren’t friends, but we got close, and he was depleted of grace a few times. I helped him adjust to being a human each time. Then Bobby called me, and God called him, so we parted ways. I hadn’t seen him in over a year until he knocked on my motel room door in Utah about a week ago”

“And he was a child?” Pamela asked.

“He was hit by a witch’s curse. At first it was just physical but less than two days later he seemed to completely let go and become a normal kid. Physically he looks about four. But mentally he’s still working out a lot of things. He doesn’t eat much, but he started taking bottles. He’s got no control over his bodily functions either, pissed all through my car the first day” Dean said, chuckling slightly at the memory.

“And do the two boys get along?”

“I don’t fucking know, if I’m honest. First Sam was shitting himself at breakfast and yelling at Cas, then he was sitting in the backseat with Cas and enthusiastically telling him all about Spider-Man. And then he’s right back to complaining about Cas having me so much.” Dean said with an exasperated sigh.

Pamela nodded, writing some things down. “Do you and Sam talk about John at home?”

“No, he’s never brought it up and I don’t know what happened, so I don’t want to bring it up and trigger him either” Dean answered honestly. Since coming home with Dean a year ago, Sam had never once even mentioned John’s name. Dean didn’t mind, he didn’t exactly have the most positive of memories with John. Hell, Dean only called him John for the last nine years. Never Dad, never again.

“That’s probably been a good thing, it’s helped you and Sam develop a good bond. If we do start sessions then I want to know your thoughts on bringing it up to Sam, just him and I” Pamela asked.

Dean was quiet. He wasn’t sure about it, because it would likely affect Sam and make their house a bit more hostile. But if talking about it was going to suck before it got better, then Dean knew he had to do what would help Sam get better. “I guess so”

“Why the hesitation?”

Dean sighed. “Because it’s going to make things suck at home for a while. But if it helps him work through some things then I can’t pass it up, not really”

Pamela smiled. “You are as wise as you are good-looking. Have you noticed any major regression from Sam since you brought Cas home?”

“Yeah, actually. We had a conversation about it. He’s always been stubborn and a bit strong-willed, he’s always gotten mad when he would have accidents so I would tell him off for sucking his thumb and try treat him a bit bigger to help his brain because I thought it was what he wanted. Then Cas came and Sam was almost desperate to be treated like a little kid. I figured it was what he needed so I agreed, and he started wearing pullups at home. He still uses the bathroom but every night I’m still changing a wet pullup that he used at some point during the day” Dean explained.

“And sucking his thumb?”

Dean chuckled. “He’s always done it far too much and I can’t seem to break him out of it. I started giving Cas bottles of milk because he wasn’t eating enough and sometimes won’t calm down for bed. Sam’s started asking me for a bottle most nights. We had a fight about it the other night and he cried himself to sleep over it”

Pamela nodded. “Well, it is a very standard case of older sibling jealousy and unfortunately a very standard older sibling reaction where there’s previous trauma. I think if Sam were to have sessions with me once a week for now, we might be able to make some changes.”

“Would I have to leave him with you for an hour?” Dean asked, knowing Sam would never go for that. At least not at first.

“We’d take it at his pace for a bit. Have you leave the room for ten minutes or so and work our way to having him left by himself for the whole hour. It will take time, but that’s the nature of the job. It’s not something we can fix in three sessions like some people think therapy works. It’s ongoing, Dean” Pamela said.

“I get that. But like I said, I don’t care how bad things get as long as it helps Sammy get better”

Pamela smiled. “Your devotion is really beautiful, Dean. Even though you’re having to resort to someone like me, I’m really glad he’s got you. And the little angel? Do you think he needs time with me too?”

“I don’t know, you might think different if you meet him, but I think he’s just developing at his pace and working out how to be a human kid” Dean said.

“Alright, as long as when he does start to develop normally, you don’t hold him back, then I think Cas would be fine without it all for now” Pamela said.

“What do you mean by that?” Dean asked, curious.

Pamela smiled. “I mean if he’s starting to grow up, you need to let him. Phase him out of bottles if he’s eating enough and self-soothing, toilet train him if he’s getting a grasp on his body. Don’t hold him back”

“Am I doing that to Sammy by letting him wear pullups?” Dean asked, worried about doing the wrong thing.

“No, Sam is a different case to Cas. It might end up being that the regression for a bit is what’s helping him heal. Deep down he’s likely craving what you’ve got with Cas because he didn’t have that with John. He may slip out of this mood and act very grown up, but he may also slip younger and need you to do everything for him. I’ll book you in for a meeting next week with Sam, as long as you keep him alive and keep yourself sane until then you do whatever you feel is necessary. And I know you probably don’t want to hear it, but that might include letting him feel as young as he needs to.”

Dean sighed in relief. “So I’m not screwing this all up then?”

“It doesn’t sound like it. It sounds like you’ve got your responsibilities prioritised. Just don’t forget about yourself, Dean. If they’re happy enough and you need time, drop them at Bobby’s for a few hours and things like that. Also, check yourself in the mirror before you leave the house, always” Pamela said with a wink.

“What?”

Pamela chuckled. “You’ve got oatmeal dried on your shirt collar”

Dean blushed a little. “Those boys. Thanks for this, and for agreeing to see Sam. It means a lot”

“It’s not the thing you want to hear from a child psychologist, but this is the best place for Sam. He’s a good fit. I’ll be seeing you all I’m assuming next week?” Pamela asked.

Dean laughed. “I mean I can try leave Cas with Bobby again, but I know what he’s like. And he knows he’s got me wrapped around his little finger too”

Chapter Text

Sam’s mood had not improved much by the time Dean got back to Bobby’s. Expecting to be tackled by his brother, Dean was shocked to walk in and find no Sam in sight and a sleeping Cas cuddled into Bobby.

“Hey Bobby, how were they?” Dean asked, almost afraid of the answer.

Bobby sighed. “Well Sam certainly ain’t in a good mood. He shut himself up in his usual bedroom and has been playin’ alone for an hour. I been goin’ up and checkin’ on him every ten minutes or so and he ain’t gettin’ into any mischief at least.”

“And this one?”

“He’s been an angel, which is ironic I know. But he’s been fine. Got cranky about ten minutes ago so I made him a bottle and he went straight to sleep on me” Bobby said.

“I’ll go up and check on Sam in a minute” Dean said as he took a seat.

Bobby understood immediately, knowing Dean wanted to talk to him about the meeting he’d just had with Pamela. “What’d she say?”

“That unfortunately Sammy is a good fit for what she deals with. Classic jealous older sibling, classic trauma. She thinks his regression might be helpful for a while, Sam could be craving what Cas has with me because he never had it. Someone to just look after him and stuff” Dean explained.

“I’d bet my bottom dollar on that. So you’re gonna let him have bottles and his own binky too?” Bobby asked.

“I don’t know. Sam knows how to self-soothe so I don’t want to be getting into that. And I don’t want him to completely un-toilet train himself either. But he really is having accidents through the day still. I don’t know what to do” Dean said with a sigh, resting his head in his hands.

“What did Pam say?”

Dean sighed. “That I might need to stop worrying and let him act as old as he feels”

“Then you might need to do that, boy. He’s not gonna forget how to use the toilet if he has some time bein’ treated like a toddler, that takes months. And he’s got his thumb, so I don’t think the bottles are gonna undo his self-soothing crap neither. If it gets you a happy Sammy then who are you to get in the way?” Bobby asked.

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. Oh well, I might go up and see him. You’re okay with Cas?”

Bobby smiled. “It’s been a long time since I had a littlun to snuggle like this. You go play with Sammy for a bit”

Dean nodded and walked up the stairs, stopping outside the room Sam was shut in. He knocked.

“I’m fine Uncle Bobby”

Dean chuckled. “It’s me, knucklehead”

A grunt from behind the door was the invitation to open it, Dean was sure. He opened up to find Sam sitting on the floor playing with his old toy cars Bobby had kept. “What?”

“I’m done with my meeting so I’m back now”

“Where’s Cas?”

Dean sat on the floor near Sam. “Cas is fast asleep on Bobby and Bobby’s enjoying it way too much. I thought maybe we could play. Or cuddle, or something”

Sam sat up a little. “Y-you wanna play with me?”

“If you want me too, or maybe we could do some colouring or something.”

Sam shifted and pulled himself into Dean’s lap, thumb in his mouth. “I’m sorry for being naughty”

“Oh buddy, you’re not being naughty. You’re just adjusting. Besides yelling at Cas the other day, you haven’t done anything naughty, not really”

“I pooped myself. Twice” Sam said with red cheeks. Dean stood and brought Sam with him, sitting on the bed and holding his brother tightly.

“I know, because you don’t know how to handle the jealousy”

“I’m not jealous!” Sam grilled.

“Shh, relax. You are, Sam. But I think you’re allowed to be, at least a little”

Sam sniffled. “W-why?”

“Because I know you’re not jealous of Cas being home, you want him to have a good home too. But the way I’m treating Cas is something you never got with me. And seeing as you grew up with Dad, I’m assuming you never got it at all. Your body wants it and I’ve been the meanie saying no” Dean said, biting the bullet and bringing John up.

“You never called him Dad before” Sam mumbled.

“No, I didn’t. I stopped when I left you and him. When he told me to go”

“What happened?” Sam asked.

“Are you sure you want to talk about it?” Dean questioned. “We’ve never talked about it before.

“Cause I wasn’t ready. But I think I am now” Sam answered.

“Well, there was an incident when you were about six months old. A demon, he killed your mom, and I got you out of the house safely. Dad was away on a hunting trip. He was mad at me when he got back, saying I didn’t do enough to protect you both. He told me to get the hell out of Lawrence and leave you two alone. So I did. I stopped calling him Dad around then and he and I have never run into one another since, never spoken since” Dean began.

Sam sighed a little bit. “Did you think about me?”

“Every day until Bobby called me. And when he did, I promised him I wouldn’t take you and raise you. If you remember, we moved into the cottage not long after that” Dean said.

“Did you not want me?”

“I didn’t want to make you worse if I took you in. I didn’t think I was good enough to be your guardian. But don’t take that as me not wanting you, I wanted you more than I ever wanted anything in my life. And more than that, I needed you. Thank god Uncle Bobby got through to me, because I’ve never been happier”

“Really?” Sam asked, looking up at Dean with his big eyes.

“Really Sammy, you’re mine and I want you to stay mine. But I do need to talk to you about something. I went and saw a lady today, she’s kind of like a doctor. Starting next week you’re gonna go in and talk with her for a little while”

“Why?”

Dean sighed. “Because even though we know what the problem is, I can’t fix it on my own and neither can you. She’s going to help us fix it so you can be happy. Does that make sense?”

Sam shrugged. “I guess so. Will you be there with me?”

“For a while, but eventually we’re going to get you talking to her on your own. That way if you’ve got anything mean you want to say about me, you can” Dean said, poking Sam in the side just to hear him laugh. “Come on, should we play for a bit before we go?”

Sam shook his head. “I’m tired”

“I’m not surprised, you haven’t been the easiest to get to sleep these days” Dean said, remembering their last few nights where Sam seemed outright defiant on going to sleep at a decent hour.

“Can we go home?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah buddy, we can. Let’s get this cleaned up. We’ll go home and you can have a nap”

“Can Cas stay here?”

“What do you think?” Dean asked as Sam sighed.

“No”

“Exactly.”

“Can I have a bottle?”

Dean held his breath and remembered what Pamela had said. “If it’s going to make you happy and get you to actually sleep then yes. I will make you a bottle when we get home and get Cas into bed. Now, clean up the cars”

Sam slid off Dean’s lap and cleaned up quickly before reaching up for his older brother once more. Dean scooped him up and walked back down the stairs where Bobby sat in the same position holding Cas. He noticed the two Winchesters walk in. “That wasn’t a very long play”

“Sammy’s a bit tired, so we’re going to go home for a nap. Can you bring Cas out to the Impala for me?”

Bobby nodded and placed the empty bottle from Cas’s nap into the diaper bag before standing with the baby angel and the bag, heading out to the car. “You two chat about things then?”

“We did, hopefully it starts getting better. Thanks for watching them Bobby, I might be dropping Cas off for an hour next week while Sammy and I go see Pamela” Dean said.

“As long as you get him in this good a mood, he can stay” Bobby joked as he buckled Cas’s car seat. Dean let Sam down into the front and helped him with his own seatbelt.

“Thanks again Bobby, I owe you big time”

“Whatever, take your two little butts home and keep ‘em happy” Bobby said, waving Dean off.

Once they were home, Dean looked at Sam. “Do you want to come in with me now so I can put Cas to bed, or do you want me to come back for you once I’m done?”

“Come back” Sam mumbled.

Dean nodded and carefully pulled Cas from the car, running him down to his room and laying the boy in the bed. Cas thankfully stayed asleep, stuffed bee and blanket firmly in his arms. Dean sighed and ran back out to the Impala, pulling Sam into his arms. “Alright, let’s go relax hmm?”

“Bottle?” Sam asked with a yawn.

Dean took a breath and tried to remember what Pamela had said. “Yeah, sure thing buddy. Let’s go make you one. Do you want to drink it on the couch or in my bed?”

“Bed” Was all Sam replied.

Dean walked into the house and pulled one of the many bottles they had accumulated from the cabinet that housed them, filling it most the way with milk before putting it in the microwave. He got the lid screwed on and walked Sam down the hall. Sam seemed to be confused when Dean laid him on his own little bed. But Dean understood. “I’m just going to change your pullup first, then you and I can go snuggle in my bed okay Sammy?”

Sam nodded and allowed Dean to change his very wet pullup for a dry one. Dean grimaced at how wet it was. If Sam was going to refuse the toilet more, or be drinking bottles of milk, it might work out better to put his brother in diapers for a time. Dean didn’t think on it too much more though, he picked Sam up and walked him across the hallway to his room. He kicked his shoes off and laid down on the bed with Sam, holding out the bottle. Sam seemed hesitant to take it.

“I-I can really have it?”

“If this makes you happy Sammy then yes. But if you’re gonna be a butt and not have a nap then you won’t be getting another one” Dean said. Sam giggled and held his hands out for the plastic bottle. He put the nib in his mouth and began to suckle back.

And Dean watched as his brother’s entire body language changed. Sam completely relaxed and his eyes began to droop, a sight Dean hadn’t seen in nine years, since Sam was a baby and Dean used to feed him. Even more than that, the tension Sam had been carrying around for his entire life seemed to melt away, like snow in July.

While Sam relaxed himself into a sleeping state, giving up with a little milk still in the bottle and letting it fall, Dean considered that maybe that Pamela chick knew what she was talking about.

Checking that Cas’s baby monitor was on and working, Dean sighed and shifted slightly as he pulled Sam’s body against his own. It wouldn’t be the dumbest thing in the world to rest while his boys did too.

Chapter Text

Surviving to next week seemed impossible to Dean in the beginning, but eventually it was the day for Sam’s first appointment with Pamela. So far Sam had taken a bottle almost every night along with Cas and had pooped the pullup a further two times. And yet looking after them both had never been easier, save for the moments both boys decided to be clingy for Dean at the same time. But even those moments were rare.

“Alright Sam you need to brush your teeth and put your shoes on” Dean said after breakfast that morning.

“Do I have to go?”

Dean nodded. “You do, I’m sorry bud”

Sam sighed. “Is Cas coming too?”

“No, Cas is in a decent mood so we’re dropping him off at Uncle Bobby’s first” Dean said as Cas fed himself breakfast in the highchair. Dean hadn’t wanted him to, purely for the mess the small angel was known to make with food. But if Cas was happy then Bobby could deal with a messy angel in his pyjamas for an hour. It was getting Sam and himself completely ready that was at the forefront of Dean’s mind.

“Still don’t wanna go”

“Do you remember what I told you last night if we go today and stay for the whole session?” Dean asked, wanting to perk Sam up. Sam nodded.

“Y-you said we can go for ice cream”

“That’s right Sammy. Just me and you as well” Dean said, whispering the last part, not that Cas was paying attention to the conversation. He was too busy feeding every showing inch of skin his oatmeal.

Sam half smiled, thankful for some time alone with Dean no matter what he had to sit through to get it. Cas’s spoon went down, and his fingers made their way into the remaining oatmeal which Dean took as a sign that he was finished eating. Sam noticed too. “De? He's finger painting with his oatmeal!”

“Yeah, I see. Come on, oatmeal monster. Let’s clean as much of this off you as we can” Dean said, grabbing a cloth and beginning to wipe Cas clean. Dean looked at Sam. “Go finish getting ready”

“Fine” Sam huffed, climbing down from his chair and making his way to the bathroom.

Satisfied Sam was doing as he was asked, and Cas was as clean as he could be, Dean scooped Cas out of the highchair and walked the angel down to his room. “Clean clothes for this oatmeal monster I think”

“No!” Cas said, though it was followed by a giggle.

“Yes!” Dean said as he pulled the pyjama shirt over Cas’s head and tickled his now exposed stomach, the giggling getting louder. “Are you gonna have fun at Uncle Bobby’s Cas?”

“No!”

“I bet you are, c’mon let’s finish getting you dressed” Dean cooed, finally clothing the boy and having him as clean as could be. He made his way out of the room with Cas, poking a head in Sam’s room where he sat pulling on his shoes. “Great job Sammy, did you brush your teeth?”

“Uh-huh. Do we really have to go?”

“Afraid so dude, but you’ll like Pamela. She’s really nice and funny. Come on, let’s drop this stinker at Bobby’s and get going.”

Sam stood to his feet and ran to Dean’s side, taking his hand. His thumb slipped into his mouth and Cas’s head went to Dean’s shoulder. Dean didn’t understand how they could always be so tired. They had finally settled into a haphazard routine and now that Sam was being given a bottle at bedtime, both boys were asleep at a decent hour each night. Cas still had at least one nap during the day too. Dean just put it down to knowing they were potentially being forced into something other than cuddling with Dean all day. Both Sam and Cas were going to get the shocks of their lives when Dean started Sam’s homeschooling back up. Admittedly it had taken a backseat with the final hunt and what that turned out to be. But as soon as they were settled, it would be back to learning for Sam and maybe even teaching Cas some new things too.

Sam was super smart, and Dean was sure he would academically thrive at an actual school. But socially and emotionally, both Dean and Sam knew he wasn’t ready for it. Thankfully Sam’s smarts came in handy when it came to learning at home. He could do almost all the math problems for his grade level without any difficulty and his reading was second to none. Sam was reading at a 6^th grade level, despite only being in 3^rd. Taking a little break from school while Cas settled into, well everything, wasn’t a big deal in Dean’s eyes. He was sure Pamela would roll her eyes at the idea. But they’d get back to it. Sam was going to go to college and not flunk out like his big brother did, Dean was certain.

As they were driving to Bobby’s, a spanner seemed to be throwing itself in the works though Dean didn’t know it yet. It seemed innocent at first, just Sam groaning from his spot next to Dean. “Cas pooped and it stinks!”

“Yeah, I smell it too. Great, I’m gonna owe Bobby a very expensive bottle of whiskey I’m sure” Dean muttered.

Cas didn’t seem all too bothered by the fact that he had just filled his diaper, very disgustingly by the stench of things. He just looked forward and said one of his new words. “’Tinker”

“You sure are a stinker, Baby. Oh well, Uncle Bobby’s just going to have to change you or else we’re gonna be late” Dean said.

The sheepish look on Dean’s face and the blushed apology he offered made Bobby sigh as he took the stinking angel from Dean’s arms. “Jus’ get goin’ already, don’t be late for this. I can change a shitty diaper Dean”

“I’m really sorry Bobby, he just laid it on out of nowhere while we were driving. Call me if you need me, we won’t be too long.” Dean said, leaving mortified as Cas just babbled away to Bobby who held him out at arm’s length. Dean climbed back in the Impala whose engine he’d left idling and Sam still in the front. “Let’s get going, poor Uncle Bobby”

Sam managed a small smile, but Dean knew he was nervous about this appointment. Sam didn’t like strangers, he barely tolerated Bobby. And Dean had seen first-hand the way Sam reacted to Gabe. If they managed to last the entire hour, Dean would consider it a miracle from heaven.

“Hi Sam, it’s nice to meet you. My name’s Pamela but you can call me Pam if you’d like” Pamela said in a soft tone once Sam and Dean were sitting in the office. Dean knew he had to stay for at least the first little while, based on the death grip Sam had on his hand. Sam didn’t stop sucking his thumb either while Pamela introduced herself.

Dean nudged his brother. “Please say hi, Sammy”

The thumb left his mouth for only a second as Sam stammered the one-word reply. “H-hi”

“This is a bit scary, isn’t it?” Pamela guessed as Sam nodded. “It’s okay, Dean’s allowed to stay with you if you need Sam. Does Dean make you feel safe?”

Another nod left Sam’s body and Dean wasn’t so hopeful Pamela was going to have much success getting another word out of him. Dean shifted on the couch and felt Sam’s entire body tense up. “It’s okay Sammy, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay”

“Sam, can you tell me why Dean makes you feel safe?” Pamela asked. Sam shook his head. Then he waited. Waited for Pamela to ask again, or for Dean to nudge him and force him to speak. But nothing of the sort happened. “That’s okay, maybe another time. I’m just going to talk to Dean about some of the things we’ve already talked about. Do you want to play with some of my toys, or maybe colour in or draw a picture?”

Sam noticed the basket of toys in the corner of the room. He looked hopefully up at Dean. “Go ahead Sammy, I’ll be right here”

With the younger Winchester playing quietly, Pamela looked at Dean. “How have things been since we last spoke?”

“Well I took him home that afternoon and he was clearly tired and needing me. Cas fell asleep so while he napped, Sam asked me for a bottle again and I said yes”

“And what happened when he got it?”

Dean chuckled. “He thought I was playing a trick on him at first, hesitated when I actually handed the thing over. Then, I don’t know. It was like everything changed and I was flashing back nine years ago to when he was a tiny baby drinking on my lap. He completely relaxed and actually fell asleep”

“Has he continued to ask for it?” Pamela asked, a nod coming from Dean.

“Most nights he has. He didn’t the other night because he nearly fell asleep in the bath and actually did fall asleep by the time I’d gotten him into his pyjamas. But every other night he’s asked, I’ve delivered, and he’s fallen asleep almost straight away and with no crying.” Dean recounted.

“Has Sam usually had problems with falling asleep?” Pamela prompted.

Another nod left Dean’s body. “Not for a while before Cas, but in the beginning he’d only sleep if he was in my bed with me. We got it to a good place, but he’d still test his luck in going to bed early at least twice a week. Then when Cas came home, it's been a fight every night to get him to go to sleep at a decent hour and in his own bed”

“Okay, I’m going to have a go at speaking with him. You just sit there and let me work my magic. It’s important that you just let us two speak, okay?” Pamela said. Dean nodded as she made her way to the floor, sitting closer to Sam. “Hi Sam, are you having fun with the toys?”

Sam’s head whipped up immediately to look at Dean who gave him a reassuring smile. Sam whimpered. “De”

“It’s okay Sam, Dean’s not going anywhere, not if you don’t want him to” Pamela said. Sam nodded shakily, pulling his thumb back into his mouth. “Now I know that things have changed at home lately, do you want to tell me about it?”

“No”

Pamela had expected that answer, but not the speaking that came with it. She nodded. “Okay, you don’t have to. Why don’t you tell me about something you really like? Do you have a favourite superhero?”

Sam nodded and pointed to his shirt which had Spider-Man on it. Pamela nodded back in understanding. It took some prompting but eventually Sam was talking about how awesome he thought Spider-Man was, which shocked Dean. He wouldn’t have guessed in a million years that Sam would start talking to a stranger so quick. His phone began to ring, and he frowned as he saw Bobby’s name on the screen. “Hey Sammy, I need to get this. I’ll be outside for a minute, but I’ll come right back, okay?”

Sam stood and began to cry, throwing himself at Dean. “No!”

Pamela stood too. “It’s okay Sam, he’ll be back. We don’t have to talk while we wait for Dean if you don’t want”

Sam nodded sadly and sat on the couch, curling his knees up and pressing his face into them, thumb in his mouth. Dean sighed and exited the room, answering Bobby’s call. “What’s wrong?”

Dean heard the cries before Bobby even had a chance to answer. Oh shit. “Your angel boy ain’t feeling too good”

“He was fine this morning! God, I’ll see if I can convince Sam to stay for the last fifteen minutes alone but I doubt he will. He had a near fit when I left to answer the call, I never thought he’d have so much separation anxiety-”

“Dean, by not feeling good I mean Cas is sick” Bobby cut Dean off.

Dean stopped. “What?”

“Yeah, he’s sick. After that monstrosity of a diaper, he felt very warm. He slept for a bit but woke up and puked all over my floor, then gave me another diaper worse than this mornin’. This happened maybe five minutes ago and I only jus’ got him calm enough to be able to call you. And as you can hear, that ain’t all that calm” Bobby explained.

“Fantastic, truly. Okay, I’ll get Sammy together and we’ll come pick him up. You’re gonna be the one explaining to Sam why we can’t go get ice cream though. Better him hate you than me” Dean said with a small smirk. He hung up the call and quickly walked back into the room. “I’m sorry but we’re going to have to cut this short. Cas isn’t well and I need to go get him and take him home”

“Poor boy, it’s okay Dean. Things happen and if I’m honest, I got more out of today’s session than I thought I would. Give me a call when you have a moment, and we can chat about it then” Pamela said. Dean nodded with a relieved smile as he scooped Sam up into his arms.

“C’mon Sammy, we’ve gotta go” Dean said, walking Sam out of the building and putting him in the car.

“De!”

“I know you just want to cuddle buddy, but we’ve gotta go get Cas. I’ll get him down for a nap then I’m all yours. Promise” Dean said, turning the car on and frantically driving to Bobby’s house. Sam still cried which Dean expected, but he wasn’t prepared for the scream that left Sam’s body soon after. Nor the smell that graced the car. “Oh buddy, are you feeling okay?”

“N-no! My t-tummy hurts De!”

Dean nodded, reaching over and gently rubbing Sam’s shoulder. “Okay, it’s okay. We can deal with this. I’m going to run in and grab Cas”

Cas was crying into Bobby wearing nothing but a diaper when Dean walked in and pulled the angel from Bobby’s arms. “You okay boy? You look like you’re stressin’. It’s jus’ a little bug, he’ll be okay”

“It’s not just that, I think Sam’s sick too. He just pooped really bad and this time I think it was a complete accident” Dean said, scooping up the diaper bag. “I’m sorry about this”

“Hey, you weren’t to know. Get ‘em comfy and load ‘em up with Tylenol. And call me if you need a hand” Bobby said.

“I will, thanks Bobby. Come on Cas, let’s get you home Baby” Dean said, walking out the door and buckling Cas into the backseat. Both boys cried and Dean wasn’t sure what the best plan of attack getting home was. It wasn’t until the car was parked and he was somehow carrying both of them inside that his brain flicked over to auto pilot and he managed to get things done.

First was Sam who he laid down and changed, taping a bigger diaper he’d bitten the bullet and bought in their last grocery shop. Dean had a feeling he’d be thanking himself for that one later. Then it was a cuddle with both boys to calm their crying down. A pit-stop in the bathroom to make sure no one was going to throw up before sitting them on the counter in the kitchen and giving them medicine followed by sippee cups of water to wash down the taste.

Finally Dean was sitting on the couch, buckets close by in case either kid decided to puke, with both the boys cuddled into him in nothing but diapers. Only then did Dean’s brain click back to normal and realise that without thinking, he’d actually gotten them both happier, clean, and medicated.

A quick photo was snapped and sent to Bobby, this incident further proving to Dean that through all of the shit, having both of them here was best for them all. Now they just needed to survive this bug.

Chapter Text

“Deeee!” Cas whined from over the baby monitor. Dean groaned and climbed out of bed for the third time that night. He quickly switched the baby monitor in his room off, so as not to wake the currently sleeping Sam from right next to him. Sam had dealt with being sick before, he knew what he was feeling. He could sleep through it easy enough, so long as he was close to Dean. But Cas had never experienced anything like this and so since everyone went to sleep, Dean was back in his room for a third time.

“Shh, Cas. It’s okay I’m here” Dean whispered, picking Cas up. The small boy whimpered and grasped Dean tightly, the heat radiating off his basically naked little body in a way that made Dean grimace. He’d already given Cas a slightly colder bath to try bringing Cas’s temperature down and it had worked but only slightly. He probably had a good twenty minutes before Sam stirred and realised Dean was no longer cuddling into him. “Okay, let’s try a shower”

After getting home from Bobby’s, Cas had woken up and vomited again. Thankfully Dean could sense it before ending up covered and got Cas’s head over the bucket just in time. But the poor boy was clearly miserable. Dean had somehow managed to calm him down but then Sam woke up and had pooped again. It was a very slow day doing nothing but tending to whoever needed him which seemed to be in shifts, and now the middle of the night had Cas needing him more than anything. Sam fell asleep earlier which let Dean put Cas in the bath to try to bring his temperature down. And shortly after Cas fell asleep, Dean did the same thing for his little brother once he woke up. Other than that it had been medicine, cuddles, and dry crackers that Sam seemed to be able to keep down, but Cas couldn’t. It had not been a very enjoyable day for the little one, not at all.

“De” Cas mumbled sadly as he was stripped and stood in the shower.

“I know Cas, but this is going to make you feel a bit better. I promise” Dean said, letting the cooler water run over him. Realising his complaints weren’t being heard by Dean, or at least not honoured, Cas sighed and plopped down on the floor. “Yeah, being sick is no fun is it Baby?”

“De out!”

“Shh, let the water cool you down” Dean crooned. He was currently not wearing a shirt seeing as Sam had sweat all over it earlier and Cas’s diaper had leaked onto it not long after. Dean reached his hand in and rubbed the cooler water through Cas’s hair. A huge yawn came from the small boy and Dean smiled, turning off the water and pulling him out with a towel. It was safe for Cas to have some more Tylenol now so Dean would get him some once he was in a fresh diaper. “Alright buddy, diaper and medicine for you then bed I think”

Cas had looked pretty exhausted all day but his body felt cooler so Dean was hoping with the medicine and a fresher feeling, the boy would fall asleep for the rest of the night.

He’d just laid Cas down in bed asleep when a small voice called out from across the hall. “De?”

“Hey Sammy, sorry buddy. Cas woke up again, but I think he’s asleep for good now” Dean said, walking out of Cas’s room and finding Sam standing in the doorway, only in a diaper and with his thumb in his mouth. Dean picked him up, thankful his fever didn’t seem to be spiking further like Cas’s was. “More medicine then snuggles in bed?”

“Please” Sam whimpered, holding Dean’s neck tightly.

“Alright let’s go to the kitchen” Dean said, sitting Sam on the counter while he grabbed the Tylenol and loaded some up for his brother. Sam yawned once he’d taken it, drank a few mouthfuls of water, then reached for Dean again with his thumb firmly back in his mouth.

Dean hoped Cas managed to get some decent sleep for the rest of the night, mostly for Cas’s sake so that he wasn’t just awake and feeling like shit all the time. But also for Dean’s sake, so he could actually feel rested enough to tackle tomorrow which would likely be worse if Cas’s fever wouldn’t come down.

Laying down in his bed with Sam cuddled into him and only the sheet over top of them, Dean switched the old baby monitor back on and drew circles on Sam’s back as they both drifted off.

The next time Dean was woken up came faster than he thought, it felt like he’d closed his eyes and then opened them to Cas crying out once more. But checking the time, Dean saw it was around 7:30 in the morning and he, Sam, and Cas had all finally had a decent amount of uninterrupted sleep.

Sam was sprawled out across half of the bed, snoring lightly. Dean left him, turned the monitor off, and let himself into Cas’s room where the reason Cas was waking him up was immediately clear by the smell. “Woah kid, how can you smell like that without eating?”

Cas stopped crying and whimpered as he reached up for Dean. “De!”

“I got you Baby, lets change your stinky butt hmm?” Dean cooed, laying Cas down on the change table. No leaks (just) and a slightly cooler body temperature gave Dean hope that Cas was feeling a little better. He replaced the almost destroyed diaper with a clean one and scooped Cas up, feeling the way the former angel nuzzled into Dean’s bare chest quite happily. “Do you think you could eat some food Cas?”

“Mmm” Cas mumbled, though his tone and body language did not indicate if it was a yes or a no. Dean took it as a yes and walked Cas into the dining room. He decided plain toast was probably the way to go and put two pieces of bread in the toaster before sitting Cas in his highchair with his sippee cup full of water. Surprisingly Cas sat quietly and even brought the cup to his lips for a drink.

Dean buttered the toast and cut it up, putting it in front of Cas. Cas’s nose scrunched up at the sight and he pushed the plate away, nursing on his sippee cup like it was his bottle. “Cas, can you at least eat a little? Then we can make you a bottle”

“No” Cas mumbled with a yawn.

“Just to get something in your tummy. Only as much as you can, you don’t have to eat it all. Please” Dean pleaded. Cas sighed and put the sippee cup down, taking one of the pieces of toast and slowly nibbling on it. Dean smiled as he put a pot of coffee on, ready to drink the entire pot if need be. “Thank you Baby”

He left Cas to nibble on his toast, glad the boy was actually eating. Soon after another soft pair of footsteps made their way towards the kitchen. “De?”

“Hi Sammy, how are you feeling?” Dean asked as his younger brother reached out for him. Dean picked him up and felt Sam’s warm forehead on his shoulder.

“Can I have more medicine yet?” Sam asked with a yawn.

“Yeah, you can. Do you want to eat something? I can make you some plain toast like Cas” Dean offered.

Sam shrugged. “Just one piece?”

“Sure, just one piece. You managed to get some food into you yesterday at least. Sit here, I’ll get you some medicine though” Dean said, setting Sam on the counter and pulling out the Tylenol. Sam took it and accepted the drink, wanting to stay sitting on the counter while Dean prepared his breakfast. While he made some plain toast for Sam, Dean’s phone rang with a call from Bobby. He answered and put it on speaker. “Yo”

“How’re you all doin’?” Bobby asked.

Dean sighed. “We survived the night. Cas woke a few times but after a cold bath and then a cold shower and Tylenol, he managed to sleep for about five hours uninterrupted which meant Sammy and I did too. Sammy’s been a champ, but the angel is miserable”

Sam smiled at the praise as Bobby continued. “And you ain’t shot either of ‘em yet so you must be doin’ okay yourself”

“I’m not sick if that’s what you’re asking. I’m already on my second cup of coffee for the day though so if I don’t answer the phone tomorrow then I’m probably dead” Dean joked, watching Sam frown. “Lighten up Sammy, I’m just teasing”

“I’m headin’ into town if you wanna make me a list and send it through. I have a feeling you’ll need more supplies” Bobby offered.

“I’m struggling to get Cas to hold much in his stomach so if you know a sure-fire way to get him eating, I’ll take it.”

“I’ll pick you up some ginger ale. Mix it in a bottle with some apple juice and it should calm his stomach down some”

“Ginger ale! I didn’t even think of that. He’s managed, uh, half a slice of plain toast this morning and so far it hasn’t come back up at least” Dean said, sneaking a glance over at Cas’s high chair tray where the boy had decidedly eaten enough. It was something though.

Bobby chuckled. “Well I had enough experience with you. John dropped you off one day with a terrible bug when you were about six or so, I had three whole days with you throwin’ up and shittin’ through the eye of a needle, I figured out some remedies pretty quickly.”

“Bobby, you are a life saver. I’ll send you through a list in a moment” Dean said, hanging up the call and scooping Sam off the counter with his plate of toast.

“Dean, did Uncle Bobby used to look after you like me?” Sam asked.

Sitting Sam at a spot at the table and taking the seat next to him, Dean nodded. “Well yeah, I couldn’t go on hunts with Dad every time. I was only four when he started. Eat as much as you can okay Sammy?”

“Okay De” Sam said, taking a small bite of the plain toast. Dean took the moment of neither kid crying or whining for him and sat down to drink his coffee while he texted a list of things they needed to Bobby. “De?”

“Yeah Sammy?”

“Can I have another piece of toast?” Sam asked, his plate empty.

Dean looked pensive. “Are you sure your tummy feels okay?”

“Yeah, it’s hungry see?” Sam said. As if he planned it, Sam’s stomach rumbled. Dean chuckled.

“Just one piece?” Dean asked, standing and grabbing the bread.

“Uh, maybe two? And if I don’t want to eat it all, I won’t” Sam said. Dean nodded and put the bread in the toaster. Cas had picked at the remaining pieces of his own toast and there was only a little bit of crust left.

“Good job Cas, do you want some more?” Dean asked.

“Mmm” Cas mumbled with a firm head shake.

“Okay, I get it. You managed to get some food in though, well done”

Cas reached up and Dean nearly just scooped him out, but Cas wasn’t distraught right now and Sam needed his toast buttered and probably some extra attention. Didn't mean Cas wasn't going to try. “Out”

“Not just yet Cas, I’m gonna finish making Sammy’s breakfast” Dean said, standing when the toaster popped and preparing two more slices of toast for Sam. He set the plate back down and sat next to Sam, sighing. “Man, I don’t know how we survived but we did it”

Sam nibbled at his toast and made his way through one and a half of the pieces before stopping and looking almost distraught. Dean feared for the worst and asked Sam what was wrong. Sam sucked his thumb and put his head down. “I peed through my pullup”

Dean didn’t make mention of the fact that Sam was wearing a diaper not a pullup, he just nodded and rubbed Sam’s back. “It’s okay Sammy, are you finished with breakfast?”

“Y-yeah” Sam said sadly. Dean picked him up and walked down to Sam’s room to get him changed.

“Do you want to have a shower and get a little fresher? It makes all the difference when you’re sick” Dean said.

“Can I have a bath?” Sammy asked, the puppy-dog eyes coming out to play.

“Of course you can. If you want me to stay in with you, I’ll have to bring Cas. He’s not exactly trustworthy on his own and I don’t think he’s quite ready to sleep.” Dean said, removing the soaking wet diaper from his little brother and wiping him down with a wet wipe quickly.

“C-can Cas have a bath too?”

Dean cocked his head a little. “You want Cas in the bath with you?”

“Yeah”

“Well that boy does love having a bath, definitely more than a shower so I learned last night. Let’s go get him” Dean said, picking up the naked Sam and walking back to the dining room where Cas sat in his highchair and sucked his thumb. “Hey buddy, should we get you in the bath?”

“Mmm?” Cas wondered. He’d already had a bath last night and a shower in the middle of the night too. Dean recognised his thinking face and smiled as he pulled Cas from the highchair and into his other arm.

“You can have another one, it’s good to wash all the sweat off you. Plus you damn near exploded out of your diaper this morning and you’re covered in toast”

Cas nodded and rested his head on Dean’s shoulder. “Otay”

“Good, let’s go run the bath” Dean said, walking the two boys down to the bathroom and running the bath.

Sam seemed to come alive a little more in the bath and took great joy in showing Cas how all of their bath toys worked. For ten minutes it seemed Cas was feeling good too, but eventually his eyes drooped and he struggled to enjoy it further, whining for Dean. Sam pouted as Dean pulled Cas out of the tub, but Dean just reassured him Cas was still exhausted and probably needed another sleep. He’d just taped another diaper on the littlest one and picked him up to walk him out and rock him when all of a sudden Cas puked all down Dean’s back.

Great.

Chapter Text

“Just sleep Cas, you’re exhausted” Dean all but begged as the four-year-old still cried into him. Dean had put Cas down to get Sam out of the bath and clean up the mess and it had been the wrong move as it had started the former angel up crying and he hadn’t stopped in twenty minutes. Sam had started up in that time too, not wanting to be out of the bath, not wanting to be in a diaper, and not wanting to be anywhere other than in Dean’s arms.

“No!” Cas screamed as Dean tried once again to lay him in the bed.

“Dean!” Sam cried from somewhere else in the house.

“Alright, fine. You win. Come on” Dean said, taking Cas and walking him down the hall where Sam ran in from the living room. “You come too, let’s just sit on the couch”

Getting to the couch, Dean basically flopped down with Cas still in his arms. Sam crawled up on the other side of Dean soon after. Cas had his binky, Sam sucked his thumb, and Dean was only in his boxers after his sweat pants got covered in Cas’s sick.

Turns out bugs really suck when you’ve got two young kids who are desperate for any and all your attention.

When someone knocked on the door, Dean didn’t even know how he was supposed to get up and answer it. Bobby had a key, so he was hoping it was Bobby and that the man just let himself in. Dean heard his voice call out as the lock clicked. “Dean?”

“Living room” Dean called back. Bobby soon appeared and sighed when he saw the three of them.

“Rough mornin’ so far?”

“It started fine, we were all eating breakfast when you called. I got both boys in the bath, and they were having fun. Then Cas threw up down my back and both of them decided they needed me more than anything else”

Bobby nodded. “Right, well I’ll go make ‘em both some apple juice and ginger ale for their stomachs”

“Thanks Bobby” Was all Dean was able to say before his own massive yawn escaped. Bobby chuckled and shook his head, walking into the kitchen, but Dean heard the muttered Idjit under his breath.

“De? Cas smells” Sam mumbled. Dean sighed and rested his head back.

“Yeah, yeah I smell it. Are you gonna let me leave you here to go change him?”

Sam shook his head and gripped onto Dean’s arm tighter. Bobby returned after that and handed a bottle to Sam and one to Dean for Cas. “Phew, that’s ripe”

“Sammy won’t let me go, though he took great pleasure in pointing out that Cas stinks”

“I got it” Bobby said, scooping the half-sleeping Cas out of Dean’s arms. Cas didn’t seem to mind seeing as he was still being held. Laying him down on the change table might be a different story, but Dean was glad the little angel hadn’t screamed in his ear.

“Thanks”

Bobby nodded and walked Cas away while Sam pulled the bottle into his mouth to have a small taste. “Woah, that tastes good!”

“Ginger ale and apple juice. It’ll make your tummy feel a lot better too” Dean said with a tired smile.

“You’re tired” Sam pointed out.

Dean felt himself chuckle before he yawned again. “Yeah, I am Sammy”

“Are we being difficult?”

“Eh, a little bit. Nothing I can’t handle. Between Cas keeping me up half the night and throwing up all over me, and you two fighting over my attention, I think I’m allowed to be a little tired.”

Sam pouted behind the bottle. “Sorry”

“It’s okay Sammy, I know you’re both sick. What I don’t know is how in the hell you managed to both pick up a bug. It’s not like we go anywhere.”

“We went to the mall” Sam mumbled.

“We did, and there were probably a million germs floating around there, huh?”

“Yeah” Sam agreed, yawning as he nursed the bottle lazily.

“You just rest Sammy, I’ll stay here”

Bobby walked out not too long later with a limp Cas. “He’s shattered, but I’ll try get some of them fluids into him. Gimme the bottle”

Dean handed it over and yawned again. “Sorry, I’m pretty beat myself”

“Well it looks like Sammy’s about to sleep, and the angel probably will too. You get some rest, and I’ll tend to ‘em if they need me”

“You don’t have to do that Bobby”

Bobby chuckled as he sat on the couch and rested Cas in his arms, the boy latching onto the bottle quickly. “You ain’t gettin’ rid of me that easy Boy. Now get some sleep, them bags under your eyes are damn near purple”

“Yes sir” Dean mumbled, slowly falling asleep while Sam and Cas did the same.

When Dean next woke up, Sam had rolled off him and was spread out over the couch. Cas was lying on the floor on what looked to be one of the couch cushions, a thin blanket covering him. Sitting up with a yawn, Dean stretched and could hear Bobby doing something in the kitchen. After feeling Sam’s head and finding it almost back to normal, and feeling Cas’s and finding the same, Dean stood and walked into the kitchen.

“Oh for god’s sake, you could at least put some pants on” Bobby said.

Dean blinked a few times and found his kitchen was completely tidy. “You cleaned?”

“Well, you three have been asleep for about two hours. Wasn’t gonna sit there an’ twiddle my thumbs like a moron. Got the whole house straightened up and tackled that giant pile of laundry you ain’t had the time to do.” Bobby said, nodding to the table where a laundry basket sat. Actual clean clothes.

“Jeez Bobby, you didn’t need to do all of that”

Bobby turned and handed Dean a sandwich he’d made. “You been solo parentin’ two clingy boys through a nasty bug. It’s okay to need a little help, Dean. Now put some pants on, sit down, and eat”

Dean chuckled and found a pair of sweat pants in the clean basket of laundry. “Thanks Bobby”

“Hey, I been like a dad to you and I know Sammy sees me as some kinda uncle figure. What kinda man would I be if I let my family struggle ten minutes from my house?” Bobby said as Dean took a bite of the sandwich. Bobby set a glass in front of him. “It’s ginger ale, last thing those two need is you down with the bug too”

“God, I feel like a different man after a little bit of sleep”

“How many times were you up in the night?” Bobby asked.

Dean took another bite and swallowed before sighing. “Cas woke three more times once I finally got all three of us in bed. Then Sam woke. And then somehow all three of us managed a good five hours before Cas decided to shit to high heaven and wake me up”

“His head feels cooler, I think his fever’s comin’ down” Bobby mentioned.

“Yeah, Sam feels cooler too. And so far everything Sam’s eaten hasn’t come back up. But I guess he’s got more of an immune system than Cas does. That kid’s only been human for a week and a half”

“That’s true. Explains why you ain’t got sick either. Must be just a little bug but for him it’ll be the end of the world”

“No kidding. Hopefully he starts getting better and eating food again”

Bobby sat at the table with a cup of coffee. “Have you thought about formula or anything?”

“He’s not actually a baby, Bobby. He knows how to eat”

“I know, just thinkin’ for now, make sure he’s gettin’ enough without makin’ himself sick tryna eat everything and satisfy his hunger. He’s awful small too, too skinny”

Dean shrugged. “It’s not a bad thought. Once everything’s all legal, I’ll get him registered with Doctor Harmon and take him in for a check-up”

“How’s it all goin’ with Pam?” Bobby asked.

“She managed to get Sam talking yesterday and we probably would have lasted the whole session if Cas hadn’t blown his load from both ends like that. I think it’ll be good for him”

“And what’s been his reaction to the diaper over the pullup?”

Dean shrugged. “He was pretty upset about it earlier today after the bath and the puke, but before that he had barely even noticed it. I think he might think it’s because he’s sick. Which is fair, no way was I keeping him in a pullup with the shits that kid’s been doing.”

“What’s it gonna take for you to see that you’re doin’ the right thing by them two?” Bobby asked.

“I don’t know, maybe when I stop feeling like such a fuck up?”

“You’re no fuck up, Dean. You been dealt a shit hand, from the age of four. And you somehow still got two kids asleep in there that want you more than anythin’. Sammy don’t want John, he wants you. Cas don’t want God, he wants you. They both want to be right here and this, this adjustment period? It won’t last forever boy” Bobby said.

“Dean?” Sam’s voice came from the entry to the kitchen.

“Hey Sammy, how are you feeling?” Dean asked as the youngest Winchester boy walked over and pulled himself into Dean’s lap.

“Better. I missed you”

Dean chuckled. “What do I always tell you hmm? You’re-”

“Stuck with you, I know” Sam said, a small smile appearing on his face.

“Yeah, that’s right. You’re not leaving me any time soon. I promise you that much” Dean said, hugging Sam. “You gonna say high to Uncle Bobby? He brought us food and cleaned the house, so you’ve got clean pyjamas to wear tonight”

Sam giggled and turned out to see Bobby. “Hi Uncle Bobby. You looked after Dean again”

Bobby chuckled. “I sure did, been looking after your brother’s hide since he was about Cas’s age.”

“What’s a hide?” Sam asked.

“It means ass-”

“Butt! It means butt, Sammy” Dean quickly interjected Bobby’s statement.

“Same difference” Bobby said with a shrug.

Dean rolled his eyes and focused his attention back on Sam. “What do you feel like, hmm? Food, water, movie, cuddles?”

“All of them” Sam responded with a grin. Dean rolled his eyes.

“I’ll make you a PB and J if ya want Sammy” Bobby offered. Sam’s eyes lit up.

“Please Uncle Bobby!”

Dean sucked in a breath. “I don’t know buddy, you’re still not completely better”

“But I haven’t thrown up and my tummy doesn’t hurt! Please De?” Sam said, turning with his usual puppy-dog look.

“Aww come on Sammy, you know I can’t resist when you look at me like that! Fine, but if you puke then you’re going home with Bobby until you’re better!”

Bobby snickered as he began pulling the PB and J ingredients out. “Like you could be without him for a night, you’d be drivin’ by my house within the hour to pick him up”

Dean chuckled. “Course I would, I’m always gonna need my Sammy boy”

Chapter Text

By the time Sam’s next appointment with Pamela rolled around, both boys had recovered from their bug. Cas was still being a little funny with eating but after Sam’s appointment, they had an appointment with the family doctor, Dr Harmon.

Which worked out well because for this appointment, Pamela had requested Cas’s presence to see how the boys interact together.

“You promise you’re gonna stay the whole time?” Sam asked as Dean helped him find some clothes. Dean nodded at the question for the ninth time since they got up that morning.

“Yes Sammy, I promise. Cas is coming too this time, remember? Where else would I go when my two favourite boys are together?” Dean said, ruffling Sam’s long hair.

Sam nodded but still looked serious. “But you’re not even gonna leave? Even if Uncle Bobby calls you?”

“No buddy, Uncle Bobby can call me all he wants, I won’t answer. Besides the only reason he called me last time was because of this little stinker and he’s going to be there with us” Dean said, also ruffling Cas’s hair with garnered a giggle from the littlest one, now fully dressed and waiting in Sam’s room.

Dean had been reassuring Sam with the information that Cas was coming but Sam still hadn’t seemed to have a proper reaction to it. Sam looked at the clothes Dean had picked out. “I don’t want to wear jeans. I want comfy pants”

“Sammy, all of your comfy pants are in the wash. Please just wear the jeans”

“I want a diaper”

Dean held his breath for a little before releasing it. Ever since Sam had gotten better Dean had continued to let the boy sleep in a diaper to avoid leaking pullups but kept the boy in pullups during the day time. He wanted to talk to Pamela himself because it had been two weeks since he first met with her on his own and Sam hadn’t worn underwear since. Even the boy’s trips to the bathroom had been getting less and less frequent. The reason all of Sam’s comfy pants were in the wash was because he would pee right through a dry pullup before lunch eithout even attempting to go to the bathroom or telling Dean. Dean wasn’t sure if he was meant to let things go this far and he needed Pamela’s confirmation this was the thing Sam needed.

“Why do you want a diaper?”

“C-cause I’m gonna pee too much and leak”

Dean shook his head. “Wouldn’t be happening if you would go to the toilet every once in a while instead of peeing your pullup on purpose. Cas, don’t put that in your mouth baby!”

Sam huffed as Dean coaxed the toy car of Sam’s out of the angel’s mouth. He replaced it with Cas’s binky which was responded to by a reaching up for Dean. “Mmm!”

Dean sighed. “Look dude, if you want my help getting dressed then you need to hurry up and agree to the pullup or else I’m picking Cas up and you’re on your own.”

Sam’s eyebrows furrowed as he huffed again and folded his arms. “Fine, I’ll wear undies then”

“Really?” Dean asked, leaving Cas where he was and walking back over to Sam. “You’re gonna go to the toilet before we leave then?”

Sam nodded. “Yup, because I’m not a dumb baby”

Dean had to chuckle as the stubborn Sam made his way out of the bedroom and down to the bathroom. “Do you still want me to help you get dressed?”

“No!” Sam called back. Dean rolled his eyes and picked Cas up off the floor.

“Alright then dude, we’ll wait for you in the living room” Dean called back.

He knew this was potentially a bad idea and packed a spare pair of jeans and socks, as well as a pullup, into Cas’s diaper bag. But if Sam didn’t know he had them, he’d be less likely to have an accident. Whether it was a real accident or on purpose.

Ten minutes later Sam walked into the living room, fully dressed and grumbling about his jeans not being comfy. But he was fully dressed and not hiding from Dean and Cas, so Dean took it as a good sign. “You ready Sammy?”

“Whatever” Sam muttered. He was clearly still annoyed and grumpy, he hadn’t even put his thumb back in his mouth.

“Okay, let’s get going. You want shotgun or back seat?”

“Shotgun”

Dean nodded as Sam put himself in the car while he buckled Cas in. Then they were driving and parking outside the building Pamela worked in.

“Good morning Winchesters, come on in” She greeted once Dean had signed them in and they had waited for a few minutes.

“Hey Pam, sorry I’ve got one in a bit of a sour mood this morning” Dean explained.

“I’m not in a mood!” Sam replied forcefully, making Dean nod.

“Course you’re not, sorry Sammy. And this is Cas. Cas, this is Pam.”

Pamela smiled at the small blue-eyed boy. “Well hey there Cas, it’s good to meet you”

“Mmm!” Cas mumbled, showing off his stuffed bee toy that never left his hands.

Pamela’s face was a forced look of awe. “Wow, that’s a pretty cool stuffie you’ve got there buddy! Come in, you look like death, Winchester”

“The bug lasted almost a week and these two were pretty miserable the whole time. I’m still not recovered” Dean said with a laugh as he moved into the room, Pamela shutting the door behind him.

“Okay Sam, do you want to play while I talk to Dean quickly? Or should we talk and play, and Dean can wait?” Pamela asked.

“Don’t wanna talk to you” Sam said, poking his tongue out at her.

Dean’s face grew red. “Sam!”

“It’s okay Dean, I’ve had much worse from kids. Believe me. Alright, you know where my toys are little Winchester, go hard” Pamela said as Sam stomped over and sat on the ground, playing with the toys even with his pout. Cas wriggled in Dean’s arms and Dean looked at Pamela who nodded. “Go ahead, he can play with them too. This room is pretty babyproof”

“Yeah, we’ve learned ‘babyproof’ doesn’t always mean ‘Cas-proof’. Alright you, go play” Dean said, letting the squirming four-year-old down and watching him toddle over to the toys, not playing with what Sam was playing with but sitting happily near Sam, nonetheless.

“Did something set Sam off this morning?” Pamela asked in a hushed voice.

“I don’t even know. He was nervous, I’ll give him that. Didn’t want me to leave him and I promised him over and over again I wouldn’t. When he got sick, I kept him in diapers because he was shitting like no one’s business. He’s sleeping in them now because he’s leaking through pullups at night. And then when I was getting him dressed, he argued with me over jeans and asked for a diaper. Since he got better, he's been back in pullups. He’s never asked me to wear a diaper before”

“And what did you do?” Pamela asked.

“I said no, that he didn’t need them. He got all pissy at me and declared he didn’t need my help, and he was going to wear underwear instead” Dean explained.

“Is he?” Pamela asked, Dean nodding. “I see. And did he say why he needed the diaper, or why he wanted it?”

Dean nodded again. “He said he was going to leak out of a pullup. He hasn’t been telling me when his pullup is soaked either, just lets it leak onto his pants and lets me find out naturally”

“It sounds like Sam’s been pushing himself into the regression more since you invited it. Which is a good thing, until it doesn’t go his way. Instead of a tantrum, he’s then rejecting it hard and trying to act as big as he can”

“So, I should have given in?” Dean asked.

Pamela shook her head. “No, that’s not what I’m getting at. He’s testing, Dean. Which is natural with the way he grew up. And now that we know what his reaction is to not getting his way, we can figure out how to stop it. It’s actually really helpful that you didn’t give in, and I get to see his reaction. This reaction, the rejection of it all. It’s snapped him out of it, and in future will likely be difficult to bring him back into it. But it does tell me that for the meantime, giving in might be the most helpful thing.”

“My nine-year-old brother is going to be back in diapers then? God, his shits stink” Dean groaned quietly. Pamela chuckled.

“Dean, we talked about this in the beginning, this isn’t forever. The regression will work for as long as Sam needs it to and then he’ll ease himself back out of it when he realises that you, him, and Cas is normal and okay. But if he’s going to snap himself out of it when he doesn’t get the treatment he wants then it’s potentially going to push back that day more and more each time.” Pamela explained.

“I think I get it. Have I pushed it back more because of this?”

Pamela shook her head. “No, I don’t think you have. He hasn’t fully given over to the regression yet, it’s why snapping out of it was easy. Falling back into it will likely be faster as well. I think now that this bug is over, establishing a routine for the three of you is best. One where Sam gets what he needs so long as Cas is getting it too. You can probably ease him back into school work. Who cares if he’s homeschooling in a diaper with a bottle of milk? He’s still learning and developing while his brain is healing”

Dean sighed with a nod. “Yeah, okay.”

“It’s a lot to take in, I know. Let me go sit with Sam and talk to him now. We’ll try getting you out of the room next week for a little bit, but not today.”

Dean nodded and took a seat on the couch as Pamela made her way over to the two boys. Sam was building with most of the blocks, Cas only had three to himself, but Dean could see from a mile away that Cas wanted to build with Sammy and the blocks. Dean just hoped Sam didn’t freak out and throw them at Cas.

“Hey Sam, what are you building?” Pamela asked as she sat.

Sam shrugged. “Dunno”

“That’s okay, you don’t have to be building anything in particular to be having fun”

“Not having fun” Sam muttered back. Oh boy.

“Well, maybe you, Cas, and Dean could all build something together?” Pamela suggested.

“No”

“Why not?”

Sam shrugged again. “Cas will ruin it. He ruins everything”

“I see, what makes you think that?”

“Cause he doesn’t know how to be a big boy when he plays. He put my favourite car in his mouth this morning” Sam said, not looking up from the blocks.

“And what did you do about that Sam?”

“Nothing. Dean took it out and told him to stop”

Pamela nodded. “And did he?”

Sam didn’t respond with words, but he did nod. Cas had realised in that time that Sam was likely not going to share with him, so he shyly pushed the three blocks he had towards Sam before picking up his bee and babbling to it. Sam didn’t acknowledge it but picked up the blocks and continued his own creation. Dean frowned. He knew Sam was struggling but this moment really showed Cas’s emotions to it all. He sighed a little and whispered under his breath. “Poor baby”

Pamela smiled sadly at Dean, but she was determined to get more out of Sam and help him see that maybe Cas wasn’t so bad. “Sam, do you and Cas do anything together at home?”

“Sometimes. De lets us watch Spider-Man together”

“Oh very nice, does Cas like Spider-Man too?”

Sam shrugged. “Maybe.”

“You wanna know what I think? I think Cas likes Spider-Man because you do Sam”

This finally got him, Sam looked up at Pamela. “Really?”

“Yeah, I’d say so. He wouldn’t have heard of Spider-Man before. And if you told him that Spider-Man was the best superhero ever to exist, I think he’d believe you”

Dean watched as a tiny smile appeared on Sam’s face. “We had a bath together when we were sick”

“Was that your idea or Dean’s?” Pamela asked.

“Mine. Then he threw up down Dean’s back and ruined it” Sam said, turning back to the blocks.

Pamela nodded. “That wasn’t Cas’s fault though, was it?”

A sigh left Sam’s lips. “I guess. He was pretty sick”

“And you were too?”

“Not as sick as Cas” Sam answered honestly.

“What was Dean doing while you were both sick?”

“H-he was looking after us like normal. He let me sleep in his bed and cuddle with him on the couch. Uncle Bobby came over and brought us stuff too and he changed Cas’s diaper because I didn’t want Dean to leave me alone” Sam said. Dean was shocked that his brother was offering up so much information to someone he would barely talk to last week.

“So Dean stayed with you even when Cas needed a change?” Pamela asked, Sam nodding again. “And did Cas ever sleep in Dean’s bed while the two of you were sick?”

“Only once for a nap because we were watching a movie in De’s bed, and he fell asleep. At night Dean put him in his crib”

“Wow, so you were the lucky one getting sleepovers with Dean then, hmm?”

Sam nodded. “I sleep in Dean’s bed a lot”

“Do you? Why?”

“Cause he makes me feel safe. He lets me do things I was never allowed to before with Dad” Sam said. There was still an edge to his voice but there was nonchalance in his tone too. Like he was really casually talking about John with Pamela.

Pamela noticed the momentum and kept going with it. “What kind of things, Sam?”

“Well, I was never allowed to wear pullups even when I’d wet my pants a lot. Unless I stayed at Uncle Bobby’s, cause he said he didn’t wanna clean up all my puddles. A-and he lets me suck my thumb and he started letting me have a-a bottle at night times” Sam rattled off.

“Do you think you wanted those things because Cas has them?” Pamela asked, a very polite and subtle way of asking ‘are you jealous?’ To Dean’s surprise, Sam nodded.

“Yeah, cause it’s not fair”

“What’s not fair Sam?”

Sam sighed. “Cas gets to be Dean’s baby and I-I never got to be anyone’s baby”

That was it, that was the moment Dean finally understood everything Pamela had predicted about Sam. He was wanting all this stuff, he just wanted the chance to be loved like John should have. Like Mary should have been able to. Like Dean should have been a part of. Pamela nodded at Dean, knowingly. She invited him over and Dean came and sat next to Sam. Pamela was quick to distract Cas from Dean’s presence and Dean took the opportunity to wrap his arms around Sam’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry Sammy, I should have been there for you from the beginning. But I’m here now, okay? And Cas is too, but I’m never going to leave you buddy”

Sam turned and wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck, softly beginning to cry. “D-De!”

“Oh buddy, I’m here. How about we go to the bathroom hmm?” Dean suggested, having noticed Sam getting fidgety in the last five or so minutes. Sam nodded, still holding Dean tightly. Dean looked at Pamela and Cas. “Are you okay with him while I take Sammy to the bathroom?”

Pamela nodded. “Of course, we’re going to build a really big tower with the blocks aren’t we Cas?”

“Mmm! Tower!”

Dean chuckled and stood with Sam in his arms, grabbing the diaper bag to put the pullup on as he wanted to be safer than sorry.

Hopefully this was the beginning of Sam actually beginning to feel better.

Chapter Text

The doctor’s office was something else entirely. While Dean had felt less than hopeful for the session with Pamela, it had ultimately gone better than expected. Taking Cas to the doctor seemed like such a simple task but Dean was very quickly proven wrong.

The first five minutes or so were okay. Cas was intrigued by Dr Harmon’s stethoscope and the other things in the room. Dean chatted to Dr Harmon about Cas coming to live with them and how he wasn’t quite developmentally four, without revealing too much about Cas’s past and being an angel.

Shit hit the proverbial fan though, when Dr Harmon began the actual checkup and Cas was being wiggled out of his clothes for the day, left in nothing but a diaper. Dean had taken the bee from him too, just so the doctor could check him over and Cas hadn’t liked it.

“B-Bee!!” Cas wailed as soon as it was out of his hands.

“It’s okay Cas, you’ll get your bee back so soon” Dean reassured, looking over to check on Sam. Thankfully after a cuddle, a successful toilet trip, and a pullup put on, Sam was in a good enough mood. Dean had even offered his phone over to his brother to play a game while he waited.

Cas was not impressed though and shook his head, trying to throw himself off the bed for Dean, or his bee. Dean wasn’t sure but he quickly caught Cas and tried to settle him again. “No! Bee! My bee!”

“He’s watching, seeing how big and brave you can be” Dean said.

Cas laid down on the bed and thrashed around, still crying while Dr Harmon checked his body as best he could. Eventually he gave Dean permission to grab Cas and calm him down. The crying died down when Dean sat on the bed with Cas on his lap. Without the binky he’d grown rather fond of, Cas was chewing on his fingers and grumbled at Dean every time the older man pulled them from his mouth.

“I just want to have a listen to his lungs, though they sound to be in perfect working order” Dr Harmon said with a wink sent Dean’s way.

Dean had always liked Dr Harmon, ever since they registered here a year ago. He was an excellent pediatrician and Sam actually liked coming to the doctor. “Sorry, it’s getting close to his nap time so he’s extra cranky”

“I know what children are like, Dean. Let’s have a listen to this heart and these lungs hmm?” Dr Harmon said, putting his stethoscope in his ears and laying it on Cas’s chest.

Well, it was the wrong move because the coldness freaked poor Cas out and he screamed again and writhed away from it. Dean held him firm. “It’s okay buddy, Dr Harmon just needs to listen to your little heart”

“No! No De!” Cas cried. This seemed to be the place getting the most of Cas’s words, even Pamela had only gotten ‘tower’ from him near the end of their session. As the checkup continued, including a very dreadful shot in his thigh, Cas wailed at the top of his lungs.

But Dr Harmon simply continued and eventually Cas’s entire checkup was done, he was dressed, and his bee was in his arms as he slowly fell asleep in Dean’s.

“So, we’ve had a tummy bug recently. How did that go?”

Dean laughed. “About as good as you can imagine. He was really miserable, but he was pretty understanding about it. We learned some good lessons, huh Cas? Medicine is okay, cold baths help you feel better, apple juice and ginger ale is a yummy combination, and sleep is a good thing”

“And his eating?”

Dean sighed this time. “It’s been funny since the bug. It wasn’t great before, but I managed to get him to enjoy foods. Oatmeal and toast are good for breakfast, crackers are a hit, bananas too. But he turns up his nose at anything for dinner, except sometimes mashed potatoes. I don’t think he was eating enough before and now he’s so scared of vomiting that he’s eating even less. My uh, uncle who helps us out, he suggested maybe formula or some sort of protein powder just to keep him full and help him put on weight”

Dr Harmon nodded. “Not a bad thought. Does he have milk in a bottle at any point?”

“He does, it helps him unwind for sleep so usually for naps and bedtime” Dean answered.

“And he naps once a day?” Dr Harmon asked.

“Yeah, for about an hour or so before and after the sickness. I think he needs it though, he still goes to bed on time and sleeps all night most nights. The odd midnight wakeup gets us but he’s pretty good at sleeping”

Dr Harmon smiled. “Well, usually I would fear for development as he approaches school age, but it doesn’t sound like he had much of an upbringing before coming to your house and I know you homeschool young Sam here anyway. I’m sure he will get along just fine soon enough. I can prescribe you some formula powders, but they’re flavoured so they taste better. I think little Castiel is doing pretty well, health-wise other than his weight. But the formula should bring that up quite nicely”

“Thanks Doc, it’s a relief to know he’s doing okay. I’d better get these two home though. We’re needing to settle back into a routine now that they’re feeling better” Dean said, standing with Cas and turning back to Sam. “C’mon Sammy, let’s get going”

Sam stood and handed Dean back his phone, waving goodbye to Dr Harmon as Cas finally passed right out on Dean’s shoulder. They made their way back to the car and started off back home, Sam sitting happily as he watched out the window, Dean sitting quietly wondering how to begin having the conversation in his head with Sam once they were home.

Thankfully Sam ran straight to the living room while Dean scooped Cas out of the car and moved him to the crib. Quickly stopping to grab the baby monitor and put the load of laundry he’d put on that morning in the dryer so Sam could have his precious comfy pants back, Dean made his way and found Sam sitting on the couch with the TV on.

“Hey, turn that off for a moment” Dean said as he sat.

“But De! You said I could once we were back from Dr Harmon’s!”

“I know, but we should have a quick talk about today” Dean tested. Sam folded his arms and hid his face in his knees, shaking his head. Dean turned the TV off.

“Hey!”

Dean sighed, pulling Sam into his lap. “It’s okay buddy, I just want to talk to you about what Pamela and I have been talking about”

“A-and then I can watch TV?” Sam asked, already sniffling. Dean nodded.

“Course, can we talk now?” He asked. Sam unhid his face and nodded. Dean took a breath. “I know what you need and Pamela agrees it’s going to help you adjust to Cas and help undo a lot of what Dad did to you too. But we need to get some things clear, okay?”

“Like what?” Sam asked.

Just be honest with him Dean, that's all you've gotta do.

“Like the fact that if you’re going to stop going toilet completely and want to wear diapers all the time then you need to tell me when you need a change. Even Cas will at least whine at me when he’s wet. And as for when he poops, well it’s pretty obvious but he still makes it known. So if you want to wear them, or even stay in pullups, then you have to tell me, okay? No more leaking onto your pants” Dean started.

“Okay”

“Another thing, Cas is probably going to have bottles during the day, not just at night. But Dr Harmon said it’s for him to gain weight because he doesn’t eat enough. I’m not going to stop giving them to you for bed if you want them, but I’m not going to give you one every time Cas gets one because you’re a great eater and I don’t want you filling up on milk so much.” Dean added.

Sam pouted but nodded. “No fair”

“I know it doesn’t sound fair, but Cas doesn’t eat like you can. And I still make yummy food that you love. Finally, we’re going to have to get you back started with school work. We don’t have to do heaps at first, but we need to do at least a little math and read one book each day, okay?” Dean finished.

“What about Cas?”

Dean chuckled. “I think I’ve finally found a solution to all of our Cas wandering and getting into everything problem. I bought him a playpen online that he won’t be able to climb out of. We can sit him in that with some of his toys while we do schoolwork or cook together and stuff. It’ll also stop him wandering into your room and playing with your things”

“He doesn’t play, he puts all my toys in his mouth”

“I know buddy, I bought him a few extra toys that he can put in his mouth, so we don’t have to worry about it anymore” Dean explained.

“Okay. De?”

“Hmm?”

Sam turned in his brother’s lap and faced him, wrapping his arms around Dean’s neck. Dean could feel the heat radiating off Sam's blushing face. “I’m wet”

“Thanks for telling me, should we put another pullup on, a diaper, or undies?” Dean asked, deciding although he likely knew the answer Sam still needed to option. Sam hesitated, making Dean hug him tighter. “No wrong answers, Sammy. Just tell me what you want”

“Uh, a diaper? P-please?”

Dean nodded and stood, walking Sam down to his bedroom. “Sure, a diaper. Do you want to keep your pants off? We don’t have to go out again and the dryer’s not finished with all your sweats”

“Yeah” Sam agreed. “A-and maybe we can read a book?”

“I think a book sounds great. I’ll change you and then you can pick one, okay?” Dean said with a happy smile, happy that Sam had really listened and was taking it all in well. Things would likely change as time moved forwards, but for now a compliant Sam was about as good as Dean could hope for.

Laying Sam down on the floor in his room, Dean quickly changed his wet pullup for a dry diaper. Sam seemed to relax and began sucking his thumb. It soon came out as Dean helped him to his feet. “De?”

“Yeah buddy?”

Sam’s face heated up and Dean braced himself for the bomb his little brother was clearly about to drop. “C-can I have a binky?”

Dean didn’t answer right away, which made Sam hang his head in shame. Dean sighed and lifted Sam’s chin so he could look into his brother’s eyes. “If you would like one then yes. I think I have at least one Cas hasn’t used yet but I’ll buy you some of your own if that’s what you want Sammy”

“R-really?”

Dean nodded. “Course. I told you already if you need to be a little boy sometimes then you need to be one. I just didn’t think you liked them all that much, and you’ve never asked for them back after that one time”

“Cause I didn’t want you to think I was a baby” Sam admitted.

“Oh bud, you don’t ever have to worry about me thinking things like that. You are a baby, you’re my baby brother and even when you’re eighteen and seven feet tall, you’ll still be my baby brother. Forever Sammy” Dean said, pulling Sam into a cuddle. “Let’s go quietly visit Cas’s room then, hmm?”

Sam rested his head on Dean’s shoulder as Dean sneaked into Cas’s room where the baby angel was snoring softly with his stuffed bee firmly in his arms. Digging through the drawer, Dean found the green binky Cas hadn’t used yet, thanks to never losing one nor being far from one. He offered it to Sam and Sam hesitated before taking it from him. A deep sigh of content left Sam’s lips, and he smiled tiredly, cuddling into Dean more. “We haf ‘oo weed?”

Dean chuckled as they walked out. “Oh buddy, I got none of that”

Sam rolled his eyes a little but gently took the binky away. “I asked if we have to read a book”

“Nah, not if you need a little sleep. Although hopefully now you actually start sleeping when I put you to bed. Let’s go watch TV. We can try read a book a little later. Maybe you could read Cas a story at bedtime?” Dean suggested. Sam nodded tiredly, resting his head back on Dean’s shoulder and placing the binky back between his lips.

“Kay, fanks De”

Dean sat back on the couch with Sam in his arms and sighed. “God, you two are going to turn my hair grey in a month at this rate”

“Sowwy De”

“Aww don’t worry Sammy, I’m just complaining. But the truth is I’ve got the best two boys in the world who I wouldn’t trade for anything”

Sam smiled a little behind the binky and pointed at the TV remote. Dean chuckled in understanding, turning the TV onto one of Sam’s favourite shows and just sitting and watching with him.