Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Silhouetted against the light of a giant sun, a small Subjugglator craft drifted through space, going nowhere in particular.  The lights were off inside. The two passengers were content to allow the red sunlight flicker through the cockpit window, where they spent most of their time keeping watch.  A radar beeped the news that nothing was in their range.

Gamzee was sitting in front of his husktop, browsing the troll internet, while Tavros snoozed against the cockpit window.  In the month they had spent on the craft, they had both exhausted the small number of things they could do to entertain themselves.  The ship was an escape pod built for quick transportation, not a ship made to pointlessly orbit stars, and it was barely big enough for two people and a respiteblock.  Boredom was a fact of their existence.  This was more a problem for Gamzee than for Tavros, who was already well acquainted with boredom after sweeps spent mostly alone in a sparsely furnished cell.  It was a blessing disguised as a curse for Gamzee. Although the uninterrupted hours of inactivity were sometimes almost unbearable, it gave him plenty of time to think, and he took advantage of the quiet hours to struggle against his madness and regain control of himself.  He had made progress, but it was bittersweet.  He could now stay lucid more often than not, but his lucidity also allowed him to understand the difficulty of their situation more clearly.  The problems facing them became more daunting as he became more capable of rational thought.  Gaining control was hard enough without the uncertainty of their future looming over him, and he could only handle so much inner turmoil.  As a result, he often found himself on his husktop, cycling through the same several websites.  It gave his mind a break.

He let his cursor scroll over the Trollian icon, which was becoming a sort of ritual.  Now that they were free, he ached to learn what had become of their friends, especially his moirail.  He hadn’t heard anything from most of them since Conscription Day two sweeps ago.  But Tavros had asked that they both stay off Trollian, and Gamzee couldn’t blame him for his caution.  As long as they stayed in a Subjugglator craft, it would be risky to open communication portals.  It would be too easy for one of their messages to get intercepted and tracked.  He knew that, but still he often found himself wondering if there really was such a need to be so cautious.  It had been so long since they had escaped, and they had put such a large distance between themselves and the Subjugglator mothership, maybe it wouldn’t be so harmful to check in.  Just for a few minutes.  But he knew that it would cause Tavros unnecessary anxiety, so he reminded himself to keep Trollian closed.

Sometimes Gamzee wondered if Tavros regretted their escape.  He often noticed a pathetic hopelessness settle into Tavros’s expression when he let his guard down, and the way Tavros watched the radar when he thought Gamzee wasn’t looking made Gamzee’s heart clench.  It was almost as though he expected to get captured, and he was already preparing himself mentally for it.  But he tried hard to stay optimistic for Gamzee’s sake.  He could tell how hard Gamzee was trying, even though he didn’t fully understand the nature of Gamzee’s struggle, and he kept a smile up to mask his heavy apprehension.  It wasn’t a perfect ruse. He couldn’t hide the rings under his eyes, the instinctual defensiveness of his posture, or the quiet tone of dread that edged his voice, and when he woke up from the nightmares that plagued him, there was no way either of them could pretend that he wasn’t still suffering from the curse of the Grand Highblood’s chucklevoodoos.  But he tried to stay positive anyway.

Gamzee tried to stay positive, too, but it hurt him to see the way Tavros looked at him after waking from a dream about the Highblood.  It reminded Gamzee how similar he was to the troll he hated most.  He had tried to fix it.  After they had escaped, he had ripped three jagged scars across his face in a desperate attempt to destroy his eerie resemblance to the Grand Highblood.  But it wasn’t something that could be fixed, and whenever he let his mind slip a little, allowing the whispers of the twisted harshwhimsies to seduce him, he could see mirrored in Tavros’s worried expression the truth of his existence.  He would never again be the person he was in his childhood.  He would never be rid of his ancestral legacy.  And he would never be able to earn the pity he desperately wanted.  The longer he spent with Tavros, the more he realized that the paradise he had hoped to make with him was an empty dream.  How could he expect Tavros to build a life with a troll who looked like the demon literally haunting his nightmares? 

He glanced at Tavros, watching him twitch against the window, and then he turned back to his computer.  They were probably going to stay trapped in their tiny space pod forever, circling around the universe with nowhere to go and nothing to do but run away from their pasts.  Just him and the troll he wished were his matesprit, hanging out into a paradise-less eternity.

He let the cursor pass over the Trollian icon again.  This time, it hovered and, as if by its own accord, clicked.  Gamzee smiled slowly as it opened into a familiar screen, and his smiled widened into a grin once he saw who was on.

Karkat could hardly believe it when Gamzee’s message popped up in his Trollian window.  He considered the message for a second, ignoring Terezi, who had been pestering him before Gamzee interfered, and weighed whether to alert the others.  He chose to see what he had to say.

Karkat paused for a moment, startled by the change in Gamzee’s tone.  He had never seen Gamzee type like that before.  The conversation had taken a turn for the weird, and Karkat didn’t like it.

Karkat switched his chat window to answer Terezi, who had been blowing up his computer for the past several minutes while he dealt with Gamzee.

He swiveled around in his chair.  He was sitting in the bridge of a modest, unmarked spaceship that Feferi had let them “borrow.”  Sollux was at the helm but was clearly not much interested in navigating.  He was probably still working on the mysterious virus he intended to use against the highbloods, insisting it would be the beginning of what he referred to as JUDGEMENT DAY.  Karkat wanted badly to look over the code, but Sollux didn’t like to be disturbed.  Kanaya was the only other person in the room.

“Gamzee’s on Trollian,” Karkat announced and waited for a response.  Both members of his audience looked up.

“...And?”

“Am I seriously the only one here who thinks this is a big fucking deal?” Karkat asked, looking between them.  “He says he’s running from the Grand Highblood.  What should we do?”

“Nothing,” Sollux said, returning to his code.  Kanaya didn’t respond.

“We can’t just let the Subjugglators track him down like a fucking animal.”

“Can’t we?” Kanaya asked.  “Maybe he deserves it.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Karkat, I know this must be hard for you, but Gamzee isn’t the moirail you used to know.  He’s a Subjugglator now.  He’s like the rest of them.”

“How do you know that?  Maybe he’s changed!  There has to be some reason they’re chasing him down, right?”

“Put your pale feelings aside and think.  What if this is a trap?”

“A trap?”

“Yes.  Don’t you think it’s too convenient?  We’ve been involved in several skirmishes in the past sweep, and this ship is rather distinctive despite its lack of markings.  On top of that, Sollux has been hacking into highblood databases regularly.  Perhaps we’ve been discovered?”

Karkat paused for a moment, considering her point but still searching for an alternative explanation.  Kanaya sighed.  “Did he tell you why he’s suddenly on the run?”

“No.”

“Athk him, dumbath,” Sollux said.

Karkat, grumbling, returned to his screen.

Karkat repeated Gamzee’s message out loud, word for word.

“Tavroth...ath in Tavroth Nitram?” Sollux asked.  “Ithn’t he dead?”

“Yes, and Gamzee’s just carrying around his corpse, suffering from grief-induced delusions,” Karkat responded.

“It’s a likely story,” Kanaya said, frowning.

“What?  Wait, no, I was fucking joking!  Goddamn, Kanaya.”

“But what if he is lying?” she asked.  “It’s not likely Tavros survived conscription, and even if he did, why would he be so closely guarded by the Grand Highblood?  It doesn’t make sense.”

“But what if he’s telling the truth?”

“I don’t believe it,” Kanaya insisted.  “I want nothing to do with him.”

“I’m not so much of a heartless prick that I’d let my moirail die.  Okay, yeah, he’s basically a backstabbing psychopath who’s probably murdered over a thousand trolls and keeps their heads hideously stacked in his respiteblock, but he’s still my fucking moirail.”

“Maybe you could try referring to him as your ex-moirail.”

“Fuck that!” Karkat said.  “Sollux?”

Sollux kept his eyes on his computer.  “I don’t agree with it either,” he said.  Karkat slumped.

“So, what?  We’re just going to ignore him?”

After a second, Sollux responded, “Where ith he?”

Karkat perked up.  “I’ll ask him.”

A few seconds passed while he waited for Gamzee to respond.  He read aloud, “’Circling the biggest motherfucking star in the galaxy, bro.’”

Sollux typed some things down.  “That’th near A13-QV8,” he said.

“So how far is that?”

“Too far...but Feferi’th in that area.”

“Feferi?” Karkat repeated.  “So, what, are you suggesting that she pick them up?”

“I can athk,” he said, continuing to type.

Tavros awoke with a start, a shiver running down his spine as the ghosts of the nightmare faded into memory.  He sat up, knocking his horns against the wall.  He heard Gamzee typing on the computer.

“I hope you’re all feeling better after getting your nap on, invertebrother,” Gamzee said, unusually happy, “’cause I got the best motherfuckin’ news you’ll ever up and hear in your motherfuckin’ life.”

“News?” Tavros asked, looking at the computer screen.  His eyes widened as he recognized the Trollian window.

“Now I motherfuckin’ know what’s up in your motherfuckin’ think pan, bro, but just hear a brother out.  The things that just up and happened, they can’t be anything but motherfuckin’ miracles.  Motherfuckin’ miracles, bro!  Not the false noise those motherfuckers spit out, but the real motherfuckin’ miracles of the mirthful messiahs, like that they’re born again.  It’s so motherfuckin’ beautiful.”

“That, uh, sounds like it could qualify as good news, theoretically,” Tavros said, choosing his words with care, “as the presence of miracles tends to be a good thing, and so I guess are born again messiahs...but maybe this isn’t the best time for that, since we’re on the run from a powerful maniac, who probably wants to do really terrible things to us.  Who are you, uh...who are you talking to?”

“It’s the best motherfuckin’ time, brother!” Gamzee said with glee.  “Karkat is all about makin’ plans for us to get Feferi into picking our motherfuckin’ asses up out of this gravitation!”

“Oh, um, what?” Tavros said.  “Should we...do that?  I mean, Feferi is great, I really like her, but isn’t she heir to the throne?  Don’t we want to avoid highbloods?”

“Feferi would never up and rat us out, bro!  She got motherfuckin’ goodness where her heart’s up in.  And if there’s a better place to all be than with the motherfuckin’ highest of highbloods, who knows where that motherfucker is at!”

Tavros looked over to the computer and read a bit of the Trollian conversation.  “I...guess that’s alright, then, if you think it’ll be okay,” he said. Karkat’s grey words popped out at him.  “Are you glad that you got to talk to Karkat?”

“Fuck yeah, brother, I feel so at chill up in here right now.  Karkat calms my motherfuckin’ shit down like no motherfucker can.  I feel like my heart’s all up in the right place like it hasn’t motherfuckin’ been, you know?”

“Yeah.  It must feel really nice to talk to your moirail again after so long.”

“Motherfuckin’ yeah, bro.  It’s beautiful.  Like being back on Alternia before all this motherfuckin’ shit up and stole the magic all out of my miracles.  I feel motherfuckin’ fresh, all checking in where my best bro is at like we was all just like little wigglers not motherfuckin’ caring about shit, waiting for the capricious minstrels to come and bring the holy motherfuckin’ ruckus up at us with the Vast Honk.  Not the blasphemous honk, brother, the real honk like I was feeling in my heart when I was young was gonna come.” 

“That’s, um, great, Gamzee,” Tavros said, smiling.  “It sounds like you’re feeling better about your religion again, even if it’s just a little bit, and that’s most definitely a good thing.  So I guess it’s okay that you talked to Karkat, since maybe he’s the one you really needed to talk to after all.”

“Yeah, my bro,” Gamzee said with a peaceful sigh. "Motherfuckin' yeah."

Chapter Text

Karkat slammed his head down on his keyboard, grinding his forehead into the hard plastic as he mentally scolded himself. It was such a chore, dealing with everyone’s bullshit while simultaneously trying to keep their enterprise running smoothly. It took all his energy to maintain peace among the patchwork band of followers who had agreed to help when he made the decision to fight against the tyranny of the Subjugglators. Could they possibly blame him for his inability to get any sort of real plan made?

“Wath that Terethi?” Sollux asked, watching him throw his fit.

“How did you fucking guess?” Karkat asked.

“So you pithed her off again. Nith job, fucktard. What ith your deal anywath?”

“My deal? What do you mean my deal? I just had the most stupidly bizarre conversation with my fuck-up of a moirail who, may I remind you, I have not heard from in sweeps because the clown’s gone shithive maggots for seemingly no goddamn reason whatsoever, and then without giving me a chance to catch my breath Terezi starts harassing me about the same old bullshit and then logs off in a huff before I can get a goddamn word in edgewise, and I’m the one who has a fucking problem? Fuck that!”

“Kk, would you sthop flipping your shit for oncth? I feel like this happenth every day, and it geth really tirethome.”

“Oh, okay, fine, I’ll just set my shit right back down where it belongs and go crawl back to my respiteblock like the degraded creature that I am, since clearly I can’t do a fucking thing right.”

“Karkat—“ Sollux began, but Karkat was already storming out of the room. Instead of heading back to his own respiteblock, he turned a sharp corner and steered himself down a long hallway, stopping at a doorway on the left. He opened the door to find Nepeta napping on a pile of animal skins. With a moody huff, he walked over to sit down next to her without waking her up. He felt himself growing calmer as he stared at her painted wall, and he reached out to brush the hair curling at her temple.

He felt Nepeta’s head move as he scanned her shipping wall for new developments. Sollux and Feferi were still listed as matesprits, as were Equius and Aradiabot. Karkat frowned. He didn’t believe that the Equius/Aradia pairing was very sincere, but Nepeta argued that she just wrote it as she saw it and that was just the way it was. She had put a question mark above his and Gamzee’s moirail status a long time ago, which had always bothered him, and instead painted Gamzee in a variety of potential relationships with Equius or Eridan, the only two trolls he probably came into contact with anymore. Beneath those was the pictorial representation of his and Terezi’s auspisticism with Kanaya, which was his most demanding quadrant by far, and in the corner was a small but happily drawn picture of him and Nepeta beneath a tiny heart.

Nepeta yawned and stretched, and without waiting for her to begin her stupid roleplaying game, Karkat announced, “I talked to Gamzee.”

She perked to attention. “Just now?”

“No, months ago, I just thought I’d keep you ass deep in suspense.”

“What did he say?” she asked, ignoring his grumpy response.

“It was something along the lines of ‘I have finally realized that I’m a gigantic piece of shit, and also, oh hey, now I hate the Subjugglators.’”

“He did?” she asked, looking shocked.

“Oh, what, are you going to start talking shit about him too?” he asked. “Look, I know he’s been a huge fuckup, but maybe he’s changed, okay? I thought you might be a little more understanding, but I guess if you want to rip him up too, just go ahead and join the club! It’s not like it means anything to me that my moirail is finally showing signs of sanity.”

“No, that’s not what I meant,” she said hastily. “I won’t rip on him, I purromise.”

He folded his arms and continued to sulk, and she nudged up against him with an apologetic look on her face. His anger dissolved into irritation, and he nudged her back, mumbling, “Stop.”

“Are the others ripping on him?”

“They’re ripping him to fucking shreds!” he said, flaring up. “Kanaya keeps going on and on about how he’s probably trying to lead us into some sort of trap.”

“A trap?”

“Yeah, a trap. She thinks the Subjugglators caught onto us already. Which would be our fucking luck! Of course our plans would be immediately double-fisted by every known force in the universe before we even manage to vomit forth a half-formed agenda! We’re tiptoeing around the lifeless void of absolutely fucking nowhere, popping out every now and then to shit in the Subjugglator’s shoes like this whole thing is nothing more than some half-assed prank. We can’t possibly be more than an annoyance to them yet, how the hell could they have caught on already? I mean, yeah, we made a shitty move by letting Vriska do anything for us, but, fuck, I thought Terezi would keep that crazy bitch in check, since on a good day she has the ability to conjure something that vaguely resembles rational thought. But she’s been joining the rest of them in the looneyblock lately, so I guess even she can’t resist the apparent charm of unchecked stupidity.” He eyed the image of Vriska and Terezi resting beneath a black spade, feeling the old irritation bubble up again. He told himself to stop thinking about it.

“Do you think that’s true? Do you think Gamzee is trying to trick us?”

“I don’t know,” Karkat said with a huff. “I don’t fucking know what he’s been doing the last few sweeps. I thought I knew him, but then we come out of that shitpit of a cave and he’s dancing around like a trained monkey in the Subjugglator’s fucked up murder carnival. He always seemed so goddamn harmless, I don’t know what happened.”

“Well, I hope he’s telling the truth!”

“Even if it is the truth,” he said, “it means he’s in some pretty deep shit with the Subjugglators. What are we supposed to do about that? We can’t help him without parading ourselves in front of the Subjugglators with a huge sign screaming, ‘Here’s a group of dumbasses waiting to get culled!’”

He continued sulking. She thought for a moment, and then, leaning up next to him, said, “It can be hard when your moirail is doing bad things, but that doesn’t make him a bad purrson! Sometimes I really wish Equius would stop being a Ruffiannihilator, but I know he’d get in a lot of trouble if he did. That’s what he got conscripted to do, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Maybe Gamzee is trying to trick us, which I hope he’s not, but I think if he really is in trouble you should defurnitely try to help him. It takes a lot of courage for him to go against his conscription, and he is your moirail after all. That’s more important than blood color or class or alliance or anything else, and you owe it to him to help in any way you can!”

“...Yeah,” Karkat said with a sigh. “Yeah, you’re right. That’s what moirails do, right? They’re supposed to be there when you need them and keep you out of trouble. That’s what a moirail is for.”

“Yes, purrcisely!” she agreed, but she felt a pang of guilt, thinking about her own moirail. She had found it difficult to stay connected with Equius since joining Karkat on his crusade, partially because of his position with the Ruffiannihilators and partially because of her refusal to listen to him about issues regarding Karkat. It was hard for her to be torn between the two of them, and she did her best not to mention one to the other. It made her feel terrible that she had such a hard time following her own advice.

“I hope he’ll be okay with Feferi,” Karkat said after a few seconds of silence. “I hope he doesn’t get killed because of us.”

“He should be fine,” Nepeta said. “Feferi’s always been sympathetic with us, and she doesn’t really like the Subjugglators much anyways.”

“It was...fuck, it was just so much easier on Alternia,” Karkat said. “What can we hope to accomplish when we can’t even help our own friends not die? Maybe this whole thing is one giant shameful circle-jerk of hubris and delusions, and we’re all just too busy groping our bulges to notice our own uncontrollable sobbing. Maybe we should just turn this piece of shit around and go back to Alternia and try to live a happy life without dying.”

“No, you can’t!” Nepeta said, aghast. “You can’t say things like that now! We’re all depending on you! You’re the leader, remember?”

Karkat smiled. “This is why you’re the only one on this goddamn hunk of tin with any sense,” he said, relenting. He was silent for a second, looking at the shipping wall that sat before them, and added, “By the way, Tavros is alive. Probably. You can add him to your wall again.”

Chapter Text

Gamzee had managed to work up Tavros’s spirits by the time Feferi’s gigantic royal spaceship pulled alongside their tiny craft.

“Wow, it’s huge!” Tavros said, eyes wide, and Gamzee smiled in response.

Feferi came to greet them herself as they landed in the belly of her ship.  Attendants from the lower end of the hemospectrum lined the walls, preparing to wait on the princess’s new arrivals.

“Gamzee, Tavros!  I’m so excited to see you!” she exclaimed, grinning as they jumped out of their craft.

“What the motherfuck is up?” Gamzee asked, adding a small bow to lessen the crudeness of his greeting.  Tavros mumbled something but hung back.  Now that they were actually on board a royal vessel, his resolve dwindled, leaving him with an overwhelming feeling of insecurity.  He had not walked freely in such an open space in sweeps, and he was hyperaware of the fact that most of the attendants were higher on the hemospectrum than he was.  Gamzee, as though he could read Tavros’s thoughts, put his arm around him and gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze.  Tavros felt himself relax despite his nerves.

“Follow me.  We have so much to talk about!” Feferi insisted, turning to lead them through an elaborately decorated door.  Gamzee steered Tavros after her.  “So many things have happened since you’ve been gone!  I don’t know where to start!  But we have to get you to your respiteblock quick, before Eridan sees you.  If he knew you were here he’d be so angry!”

“You’re still hanging around that motherfucker?” Gamzee asked, his smile slipping a bit.

“Someone’s got to keep an eye on him!” she responded.  “It’s exhausting sometimes, but someone has to do it.”

“You could be getting one of these motherfuckers to do it,” he suggested, gesturing to the attendants that were beginning to follow them as they passed.  Tavros noticed them shift and fidget as Gamzee looked at them.  He had nearly forgotten how frightening Gamzee must look to these humble servants, with paint still smeared onto his face, covering the scars that he had put there himself.  For all he knew, Gamzee himself might have been responsible for some of their enslavement.  He didn’t know well what Gamzee had done for the Subjugglators in the past few sweeps, but he did know he didn’t want to find out.  It bothered him enough that Gamzee seemed perfectly at ease walking in front of a troop of lowblooded attendants like he owned them.

After some twists and turns, they arrived at their temporary respiteblock.  It was not grand, which wasn’t a surprise since Gamzee and Tavros weren’t staying as high profile guests, but it was still much larger than the respiteblock in their tiny Subjugglator craft, larger even than the craft itself.  “Here we are!” Feferi said.  “Now, I’ll get you some drinks, and then we have so much catching up to do!  What will you have?”

“If you got a bottle of motherfuckin’ Faygo I could crack open, that shit would be wicked,” Gamzee said.  Feferi looked to Tavros.

“I’ll, uh...” he said with a stammer, glancing at the attendants, “I think I’m fine.”

“My good bro here will slam whatever thirst-quenching elixir you got,” Gamzee said for him.  They nodded and filtered out of the room, and only a few green bloods stayed in their positions by the door.

“Now, where do we begin?” Feferi asked, plopping down on one of the large circular cushions that dotted the room.

“Motherfuckin’ hit it, sister, fill us in on all the wicked news,” Gamzee said, also taking a seat.  He pulled Tavros down beside him.

“There’s so much to tell you about!” she exclaimed, and leaning forward, she whispered, “But we have to be careful.  There are anemonies everywhere.”

“Anemonies?” Gamzee repeated, playing into her game and also whispering.

“Oh, sorry!” she said with a laugh, sitting straight again.  “I mean enemies.  We can trust my attendants,” she waved her hands to the few trolls standing near the door, “but there are people who won’t want you here.  And I have some very important information that would be reel dangerous if it fell into the wrong fins.”

Her guests' interest had been piqued.  “What rude information you got that’s all motherfuckin ‘ secret?” Gamzee asked.

“Karkat’s leading a rebellion,” she whispered, and the excitement shone in her eyes.

“Uh, isn’t that, um...” Tavros started, but he trailed off, growing self-conscious as they both turned to look at him.  Gamzee gave him a reassuring pat on the knee, and he continued, “Isn’t that bad for you?  I mean, wouldn’t a rebellion be something you shouldn’t want, being the princess?”

She laughed.  “It’s not my problem yet,” she said.  “I’m not the Empress, and I won’t be until I kill the Condesce.”

“So, you don’t care, then, that there might be a war?”

She grew more serious.  “I don’t want fighting,” she said, “but I’m also up to my gills with the way things are now.  I hate the way we treat our subjects.  I’m not better than anybody!  But look at how many slaves I have,” she gestured to her attendants again.  “I try to take as many as possible from the slave block, so I can bring them here and treat them whale for a change!  I can’t stand to think where they could have ended up.  It’s not right.  So I think what Karkat and the others are doing is good.”

“Wow,” Tavros said, grinning, “I wish I had ended up with you, instead of with the Grand Highblood.  It doesn’t even sound so bad that way.”

She gave him a sad smile.  “I’m sorry, Tavros.  To tell the truth, I had heard about your situation, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it.”

“Even as the princess?” he asked, surprised.

“Like I said, I’m not the Empress yet.  The Subjugglators still answer to the Condesce, no matter how far away she is.  As long as she exists, I only have so much power.”

“So when you gonna kick that motherfuckin’ bitch down the stairs?” Gamzee asked.

“It’ll be sea-ons before I catch up to her!  No troll has ever gone as far into space as she has.  I don’t know if I’ll ever catch up.”

“That’s, uh, more than a little bit depressing...but if it means anything at all to you, I think you would make a really great Empress,” Tavros offered.

“Thank you, Tavros,” she replied, flashing him a smile.  “I had more hope when Sollux was here to navigate my ship, but I let him go to join Karkat.  That’s where he was more needed.”

“Aw, fuck, yeah, Karkat said something about Sollux.  How is that motherfucker at?”

“He’s doing whale!” she said, becoming more excited.  “I don’t see him much anymore, but I think he’s happier working with Karkat than steering my ship around.”  She laughed.

“How’d that motherfucker up and land himself in your shit?”

“I found him on the slave block,” she said, growing a little more somber.

“He’s a lucky bro to get up and bought by such a bitchtits wicked sister!” Gamzee said.  She laughed.  “But what all is up with this motherfuckin’ rebellion?”

“Oh, sorry!  The rebellion.  Karkat is the leader, obviously, and besides Sollux, he has Kanaya, Nepeta, and Aradia with him.  Terezi and Vriska are also helping them, but they’re flying separately.”

“Motherfuckin’ pirates, am I right?”

“Oh, you know about them?” she asked, and Tavros looked over at him in surprise.

“The motherfuckin’ Subjugglators been all about catching those two motherfuckers since they been up and causing some wicked trouble, but they escape on us every motherfuckin’ time.”

“Us?” she asked, cocking an eyebrow at him.  He started and a look of deep anger passed across his face.

“Them,” he corrected himself.  They fell quiet for a second until Tavros reached over and patted him on the back.  He glanced over and his lazy smile crept back onto his face.  “Sorry, bro, I kind of zoned out there.”

“That’s okay.  No one really expects you to not zone out,” Tavros responded.

They turned their attention back to Feferi, who was smiling at them.  “So what’s the motherfuckin’ plan with this bitchtits uprising?” Gamzee asked.

“Well, from what I’ve heard,” she started, “there isn’t one.”

“What sort of motherfuckin’ rebellion you got if you got no motherfuckin’ plan?”

“I think Karkat is still working on that,” she responded, laughing.  “But there’s time.”

“Yeah.  All the motherfuckin’ time in the universe is what we got,” Gamzee agreed.  He turned to Tavros.  “How about it, my bro?  Wanna up and join a motherfuckin’ rebellion?”

“Uh, actually, I, uh, don’t really know about that,” Tavros said, faltering.  “We’re still kind of being chased by a really terrifying insane clown, so maybe joining a rebellion shouldn’t be something we decide to do too hastily.”

“That’s exactly why we should be all making this decision hastily, brother!  We got our motherfuckin’ way all paved for us straight up where this motherfuckin’ rebellion is at.  Why motherfuckin’ run from the fucker when we could all be about motherfuckin’ killing him?”

Tavros glanced at Feferi as if to ask her for help.  “I think it’s a great idea!” she said, and his face fell.  “You two have first-fin experience with the Subjugglators, which is just what they need!”

“Um, okay, let’s say that we hypothetically join this rebellion,” Tavros said, “and let’s say that, hypothetically, it fails...wouldn’t that, uh, just make him more angry with us and cause us a lot of trouble in the future?”

“And that, my brother, is why we can’t motherfuckin’ fail!”

“That, uh, definitely doesn’t make me feel much better about the situation...”

But Gamzee wasn’t listening.  “We’re all motherfuckin’ up in this shit deep now, bro.  We’re gonna kick the shit out of this motherfuckin’ opportunity!  This is a motherfuckin’ miracle like no miracle ever been at before.  Can you motherfuckin’ feel it, brother?”  Tavros shrugged helplessly, but Gamzee continued, a look stuck decidedly between reverence and insanity dancing in his eyes.  “Fuck those blasphemous motherfuckers, they lost the way of the mysteries.  They be all up in the wicked ignorance, following false motherfuckin’ idols and killing the miracles like fuckin’ Laughssassins.  But I have an understanding now of what all I been motherfuckin’ missing all this time.  I need to be getting my motherfuckin’ roots up in me again, you know, my bro?  I had all the truths in me when I was up in my motherfuckin’ roots, before I started all drowning in the false harshwhimsies that bastard up and drew from the darkest of my deep self.  It’s all been motherfuckin’ wrong, the harshwhimsies and the chucklevoodoos and the murdermirth.  It’s not the righteous harshwhimsy of the holy minstrels.  It’s the motherfuckin’ lies of the blasphemous false prophets who up and lost the mirthful path to their true motherfuckin’ birthright the way it all should have been.  No, bro, my roots are where at the motherfuckin’ miracles are up in, and I got to be about finding the path the right way this time.  This rebellion is the true path, bro, it’s the rightful way to our motherfuckin’ paradise what we been thinking is fake all this time, I can motherfuckin’ feel it in my pump biscuit.  This is where our destiny is at, bro!”

He leaned back, sinking into a shadow of the feeling he used to bask in when he was younger, oblivious to the fact that no one had understood any of his monologue.  He smiled at Tavros, reaching out to curl a finger in his shaggy hair.  “See, you should be all about finding up your motherfuckin’ roots, bro, you’d be kicking your motherfuckin’ nerves and getting your Rufio back in you where all he’s meant to be at.  We should up and cut your hair back.”

Tavros, understanding that there was no point in trying to make sense of what he was saying anymore, returned a small and uncertain smile.  “I guess we can cut my hair, since we’re acting like rebels, which I think is probably foolish but could maybe be fun for a little bit.”

“Don’t worry, Tavros, this is a great chance to do something new and exciting!” Feferi said, gesturing to one of her attendants to bring them scissors.  The greenblood bowed low and moved towards the door, but it slammed open before he reached it and Eridan, enraged, burst into the room.

Chapter Text

“What’s the meaning’a this?” Eridan demanded, face scrunched in a snarl.

Feferi jumped to her feet. “Eridan, what are you doing here?” she asked.

“I heard you were housin’ enemies’a the empire!” he said, pointing at Gamzee, who slowly stood up as well. Tavros stayed put, sensing something dangerous in the tenseness of Gamzee’s body.

“That’s ridiculous, Eridan! These are our friends. Remember what friends are?” Feferi shot back.

“No, they are not our friends! Do you understand what sorta problems this could cause, Fef? We have to turn them in!”

“You can motherfuckin’ try it,” Gamzee said.

“Let’s go, traitor,” Eridan spat, pulling Ahab's Crosshairs from his strife specibus.

“Waaaaaaait!” Feferi shouted, throwing herself between them as Gamzee prepared to strife. She shoved Eridan out the door, ignoring his protests. As her attendants shut the door behind them, she turned on Eridan, her eyes blazing. “What the glub do you think you’re doing?”

“What the glub am I doin’? What the glub are you doin’!” he snapped. “This is fuckin’ treason, Feferi! You’re gonna get yourself culled!”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Eridan, god!” she snapped back.

“You don’t fuckin’ understand, Fef!” he said. “This is really serious. Look at me, see how serious I am right now?”

“Ugh, Eridan, you’re always so glubbing serious! You’re going overboard just like you always do!” she said, exasperated. “You’re always reeling in drama, porpoisely going out of your way to fish for things to flip out about!”

“Stop with the fuckin’ fish pun thing! Listen, I know you never agree with any’a my agendas—none’a my agendas—none of them—“

“Eridan, would you—“

“—but you got to listen to me about this! We got to hand them over to the Subjugglators. There are rumors swimmin’ around that Gamzee wants to overthrow the Grand Highblood and take over, and don’t get me started about the rustblood! Normally, I’d say it’s just a land dweller problem and they can kill each other all they want about it, but not when the Grand Highblood is involved. He’s dangerous, Fef. If he finds out that you’ve been harboring fugitives, he could have you tried for treason against the highblood rule, and the Condesce won’t think twice about givin’ them permission to execute you. It would save her the trouble’a killin’ you herself!”

“Eridan, I understand that you’re worried, but this just isn’t that big a deal,” Feferi said, sighing. “They’re probably not going to be here that long anyway! Just keep it a secret and no one will even know they’re here.”

“Then how’d I know they were there? Did you even think about that, your highness?” Eridan said. “Word has a way’a gettin’ around about things like this. Maybe if you bought better slaves that knew how to keep their fuckin’ mouths shut...”

“That’s enough, Eridan."

He looked as though he wanted to say something else, but instead he just pouted. “Fine,” he said. “Don’t trust me. Go conspire with your land dwelling ‘friends’ and risk your life and throne and everythin’ else, it’s not like it fuckin’ matters to you that I’m worried about your wellbeing.”

He turned around and stormed away, his cape bellowing behind him. Feferi watched him go, feeling emotionally exhausted. Their moirallegience had been growing more and more strained since they left Alternia, now that the separation between them and the trolls lower on the hemospectrum had become more pronounced. They were diametrically opposed on issues of the function of their class. Eridan’s genocidal tendencies were even more extreme than before and were given expression more freely as he discovered the power his rank allowed him, while Feferi became increasingly sympathetic with the plight of the lower classes and secretly conspired to assist them whenever she could. They both knew the other’s aspirations and vehemently disagreed, each considering it their duty to try to dissuade the other from their path. They hardly did anything but bicker and argue anymore, and after each incident Feferi grew surer that it was time to end the emotional theatrics once and for all. But if she did, who would keep him from slaughtering hordes of trolls with the small band of sea dwellers sympathetic to his genocidal cause?

She sighed and reentered the room where she had left her wards. Gamzee had a husktop open, and Tavros was looking over his shoulder. It was astounding how relaxed Gamzee seemed, even after Eridan’s threat to turn them over to the Highblood, but Tavros still looked nervous. He looked up at her as she entered, and she could sense a deep, helpless panic in his gaze, as though the Highblood were already knocking at their door to pick them up. It hurt her to know that of all the trolls in his position that she had helped, she had failed him, a friend she had known since she was young. She wasn’t planning to let that happen again, and she smiled to reassure him.

“Where were we?” she asked, trying to alleviate his stress. “Oh yes! We were going to cut your hair, Tavros! Come over here!” Without waiting for Tavros to move, Feferi skipped over and took him by the hand, pulling him to a seat an attendant had set up for him. Another brought a wastebasket, and the attendant that had been prevented from acquiring scissors earlier slipped out of the room. “What are we going to do? Are we going to cut it like it was before?”

“Uh,” Tavros answered, blushing bronze as she tugged at his dark hair.

“I’ve never cut hair before. This is exciting!” she said, laughing as she took the scissors from the attendant that had appeared at her side. There was indeed excitement in her eyes, almost more than the situation called for. Tavros glanced at Gamzee for some sort of emotional support, but Gamzee had Trollian open and seemed oblivious to the situation.

“Gamzee?” Tavros asked, noticing the dark expression on his painted face as he sat down next to him, a freshly shorn mohawk adorning his scalp. Gamzee jumped and immediately closed the husktop.

Chapter Text

“What the fuck?” Karkat mumbled, staring at the Trollian screen. He tried sending Gamzee another message, but the clown had logged off. “Goddamn it.”

“What?” Sollux asked.

“Gamzee just left me hanging in the middle of a pretty fucking intense conversation.”

“You’re talking to Gamzee again?” Kanaya asked, standing up and walking to him. Karkat closed the conversation before she could read any of it, feeling instinctively that there were things contained within its lines that weren’t for the eyes of casual observers. She frowned and crossed her arms.

“What, I can’t talk to people now? Mind your own fucking business,” Karkat said.

“You’re conspiring, aren’t you?” she asked, glaring at him.

“No, fuck off,” he said, but he quickly reconsidered. “Sort of. Gamzee and Tavros want to join our rebellion.”

“Do you really think that’s advisable?” she asked, dropping her arms but narrowing her eyes.

“Yes, as a matter of fact I do,” he replied. “Maybe this is exactly what we need. Maybe it would be a good fucking idea to adopt the Grand Highblood’s pet project and raise him as our own. He can do a lot of damage, from what I’ve heard.”

“Are you fucking dumb?” Sollux interrupted. “If we let that craithy ath clown in, he’th gonna be nothing but trouble for uth.”

“You say that about everything, fuckass,” Karkat shot back.

“That’th because it’th true.”

Karkat was about to come back with a long and unnecessarily elaborate retort, but Kanaya intervened. “I’m going to side with Sollux, Karkat. This will be nothing but trouble.”

“Aradia!” Karkat called, throwing himself over the side of his seat to see around Kanaya. Aradiabot’s head spun around to look at him. “What do you think about this?”

“About what?” she asked, her metallic voice ringing through her robotic body.

“Gamzee and Tavros joining the rebellion. Do you think it’s a good idea?”

“No,” she replied, “but they will join us regardless.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that they will both be necessary to move this rebellion to its point of crisis, and the sequence of events that makes their eventual participation inevitable has already been triggered. And in many ways their participation will orchestrate the final end of this enterprise.”

“There, see? Aradia’s spooky voices have put an end to that stumper of an issue. Consider this discussion over,” Karkat said.

“But I’m not sure the end is the end you want,” she finished.

“What do you mean?”

“You will simultaneously get the results you want and the exact opposite of the results you want.”

“Could you please be a little more cryptic? I fucking love puzzles.”

She shrugged. “I can’t change it, so there’s no point in upsetting you about it,” she replied.

“Thanks a fucking ton for that,” Karkat said, turning back to Kanaya and Sollux. He noticed that someone was trying to troll him. “Goddamn it,” he muttered, noticing who it was.

“Karkat—“ Kanaya started.

“You heard the robot, they’re gonna join us whether we want them to or not,” he said. “Now give me a minute to deal with this crazy bitch.”

Karkat felt a small twinge of foreboding at that last comment, but he chose to ignore it. “I sent the pirate pair to pick up Gamzee and Tavros,” he said aloud.

Kanaya looked at him. “I’m not sure Vriska and Terezi are the best people for that job,” she said. “Especially considering Vriska’s history with Gamzee.”

“She can just fucking deal with it. If they’re a part of this rebellion, they’re going to have to cooperate with us every now and then.”

“Perhaps it would better if we were more diplomatic with them,” she suggested. “They are the source of all our supplies, after all. We need them more than they need us.”

“If it were just Vriska, I’d care more, but I know Terezi won’t let us down,” Karkat said. “She’s got that justice complex, and she’s totally committed to our cause. As long as she keeps Vriska in check, we’re fine.”

“That’s the problem,” Kanaya said, turning towards him with a concerned look on her face. “I believe Vriska may have ulterior motives, and considering the nature of their kismesissitude, Terezi is probably as uninformed about them as we are. Would you put it past her to have more irons in the fire than she is letting on?”

Karkat frowned. “I don’t know what to think about that, but if we need them as much as you say we do then there’s not a whole fucking lot we can do about it, is there? We just have to hope that Terezi stays a step ahead of her and stops her before she can fuck us over into next week, and judging by Terezi’s track record, I’d say we don’t have to worry too much. Vriska can’t beat Terezi in a scheme-off.”

“I’m not so sure,” Kanaya said. “Vriska’s seemed unusually confident about her scheming abilities since she’s joined with Terezi. I think it has something to do with their truce.”

“She probably doesn’t even realize that Terezi’s playing her.”

“I’m not so sure,” Kanaya repeated, sighing. “In any case, I doubt she’ll be able to put the past behind her and get along with Gamzee, regardless of Terezi’s influence. He destroyed her first ship, remember?”

“No, I don’t remember, because I was huddling in a candle-lit pit deep in the bowels of Alternia waiting for the culling drones to come escort me to my death,” Karkat sneered. “Not all of us got to frolic around the fields without a care in the world, terrorizing young trolls by day and caring for grubs by night.”

Kanaya rolled her eyes. “If it were as pleasant and carefree as you make it sound, I wouldn’t have joined you when you left Alternia.”

“To be honest, I still don’t have a fucking clue why you bothered.”

“Well...let’s just say I felt I could do more here. There will always be another jade blood to fill my place on Alternia, but you need all the help you can get.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I got this shit under control. The shit is my bitch and I have it kissing my feet with reverence. I was fucking born to be the leader of this rebellion, I think I can handle it without your pity-help.”

“I wasn’t saying—“

“Well, great leader,” Sollux interrupted, “your shit is hitting the whirling divithe. I jutht interthepted a methage from Eridan. He’th told the Subjugglatorth that Fef’th houthing Gamthee and Tavroth, and the Highblood’th changing hith courth to pay Fef a sthaprithe vithit.”

“What?” Karkat exclaimed, jumping up and rushing to look at Sollux’s computer. The hacked Trollian log between Eridan and a Subjugglator subordinate was still open, and sure enough Eridan was ratting Gamzee and Tavros out, his words oozing self-righteousness. “That douchbag!” Karkat shouted, reading over the log. “That tool is the ass-stain of the goddamn universe. He is the universe’s used toilet paper and he’s hellbent on clogging the fucking pipes until the shitty water is overflowing onto everyone else’s feet. Goddamn I hate that hipster fuck!”

“I’m warning Feferi,” Sollux said, opening a chat screen. She wasn’t on.

“Gamzee said she was cutting Tavros’s hair,” Karkat explained. Sollux smirked.

“She’th probably enjoying that,” he said, snickering.

“Hey, idiot, don’t you think there are better things to do right now than indulge your weird fantasies?”

Sollux flared up, a faint blush peppering his checks. “Fuck off, Vantath. For all the hot air you shoot out your ath about romanth, you wouldn’t know the differenth between an erotic fantathy and real red affecthion if they were both sthripping on your lap.”

“I wasn’t the asshole who left my matesprit to bum around and write codes for viruses you’re never gonna fucking use on anyone anyways. Do any of your codes even fucking work? You left the heir to the throne to do basically nothing and you’re calling me out on flushed stupidity? My matespritship is damn near perfect, thanks.”

“Thith ith sthupid. Are you really going to challenge me with your matethpritthip? I knew you were a sthcumbag but thith is jutht pathetic.”

“Perhaps you two should be more worried about the Subjugglator fleet that will soon be visiting your redrom interests,” Kanaya interrupted.

They both snapped to attention. “I’ll sthend Feferi the methage. She’ll sthee it eventually,” Sollux said.

“Karkat, you should send a message to Terezi,” Kanaya suggested. “They’ll need to hurry.”

Chapter Text

“Eridan!” Feferi shouted, barging into his respiteblock.  “You’re in so much glubbing trouble, mister!”

“What?” he asked, making a terrible attempt to seem innocent, even as he put down the doomsday device he had been handling.

“Don’t you ‘what’ me!  You told the Grand Highblood about Gamzee and Tavros!”

“I—so what if I did?” he said, picking up the doomsday device again.  “I’m not gonna sit around while there are enemies’a the empire floatin’ around the ship.  We don’t need no freeloaders around here.”

“It’s my ship, and I’ll let whoever I want freeload whenever I feel like it!”

“You should be glad I didn’t just go kill ‘em myself!”

“I’ve had it up to my gills with you!” Feferi shouted, throwing her hands up in the frustration.  “I’m absolutely sea-sick of your stupid fishy face!  I try to keep you out of trouble, but you just sabotage me every chance you get and honestly it’s getting harder and harder every day to salmon the strength to put up with your glubbing nonsense!”

“I don’t need you to keep me outta trouble!  If anything, I’m keeping your ungrateful ass outta trouble!”

“By calling the Grand Highblood when I’m trying to help our friends?  That’s reel swell of you, Eridan.”

“You’ll thank me when you’re not gettin’ hung!”

“I don’t think so,” she said.  “Actually, I think it’s better if you leave.”

“Wait, what?” he asked.  “What do you mean?  Fef?”

“I mean maybe it’s time we were honest with ourselves and admitted that this moirallegiance isn’t working.”  His mouth dropped open and he was at a loss for words.

“No, wait...Fef, please don’t,” he finally stammered, realizing she was serious and losing his composure. “This isn’t what I wanted.  You can’t just kick me out over this...I mean, they’re just a couple’a land lickin’ lowbloods!”

“That’s the problem, Eridan!” she exploded.  “You don’t care about anyfin but yourself and your agendas!  You don’t give a carp about any of our fellow trolls unless they can breath underwater!”

“Would you not do the fish pun thing when you’re fuckin’ breakin’ up with me?” he shouted back.  “Where am I supposed to go?  What am I supposed to do?”

“You have your own ship, and I’m sure some of your genocidal friends would take you in.”

“Fef...” he pleaded.  “I thought we were fated moirails.  You can’t just dump me overboard like this.”

“I can’t do it anymore, Eridan.  It’s just too much for me.”

He stood silently in the middle of his respiteblock, holding the dysfunctional doomsday device in his hands and staring at her with a pathetic expression of loss.  She felt a stab of regret.  This wasn’t the way she had planned to end their relationship.  They had been moirails for such a long time, after all, and he was still dear to her.  It felt wrong to kick him out so unceremoniously.  But enough was enough, and she couldn’t have him sabotaging her friends.  She didn’t want to think of what could have happened if he had discovered the rebellion as well.

He put his doomsday device down and heaved a sigh.  “When do you want me gone?” he asked.  “In any hurry?  You gonna put your new chumps in my room?”

“Gamzee and Tavros have already left,” she said.

“Already left?”

“Did you think they were going to clam around until the Grand Highblood got here?”

He got an odd look in his eyes.  “No, that wouldn’t make no sense,” he said.  Suddenly finding his composure again, he started bustling around, getting his things together.  “I guess I’ll get outta your gills, then,” he said, throwing his useless wands into a chest.

“Eridan...?” Feferi asked, surprised by his change in demeanor.

“No, no, you’re right,” he said.  “Maybe this is too much.  So you just keep helpin’ out your lowblooded pets, and I’ll...keep doin’ my thing, too.”  He glanced up at her.  “Can’t you let a minnow flounder around in his grief undisturbed?”

She hesitated, a strange feeling of foreboding resting in her stomach, but she decided to leave him alone.  She had done enough damage already.  Turning, she left his room and started towards her own respiteblock to recover from the emotionally exhausting task she had just completed, but she was stopped by one of her attendants, who jogged up to her out of breath.

“My princess!” he panted.  “The Grand Highblood has arrived!”

“Already?” she asked, her heart dropping.  She didn’t know how much distance Gamzee and Tavros had managed to put between themselves and her ship, but she knew she was going to have to distract the Highblood for a while just in case.  She didn’t like spending much time in his presence. The man was adequately respectful when he was with her, but she could always feel his smooth control over the chucklevoodoos exerting its pressure against her, betraying his composed exterior.  He was the most ruthless of the Subjugglators, both insane and cruel in his insanity, and in his sweeps as their leader he had mastered the chucklevoodoos like no one else had.  He could be as pleasant as a summer beach and still give any troll the shivers.  With an icy glance, he could bring the strongest of them to their knees.  Feferi was higher than him on the hemospectrum and possessed abilities that he couldn’t match, but even she felt the effects of his chucklevoodoos and she tried to avoid him whenever she could.  This time, she didn’t have that option.

“Send him to the Grand Hall,” she said.  “Make him comfortable, and tell him I’ll be there soon.”

“What shall we do with his attendant?”

“Attendant?” she asked.

“Yes, majesty.  The hulking man with the broken teeth.”

“Oh...do the same for him,” she responded, feeling the dread grow in her chest.  Why had the Highblood brought Equius with him?  Where were Equius’s Ruffiannihilators?  Her attendant bowed and left her, and she continued on her path to her respiteblock, now without the hope of resting.  She prepared herself mentally as she put on her best clothing and decked herself in the finest jewelry.  If the man could be flattered, she was going to flatter his ass to the back of his seat.  She was going to guide the conversation like a true lady, excluding all talk of lowbloods, Subjugglators, or politics.  And most of all, she was going to make him feel her authority.  This was going to be a standoff between the two of them, his ruthlessness against her compassion, his insanity against her regality, his power as the enforcer of the Condesce’s reign and hers as the heir apparent.  She wasn’t looking forward to it, but she was damn well going to face it straight on.

“Good evening,” she said, strolling into the Grand Hall.  The Highblood stood to greet her, and she felt her skin crawl.  He hadn’t even bothered to put on a clean shirt.  She felt a stab of resentment but refused to let it show on her face, gesturing for him to take his seat.  She glanced around, but Equius wasn’t present.  “I thought you had an attendant with you?”

He shook his head slowly, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips, and Feferi felt her grip on the situation slip.

Chapter Text

“I don’t really think I’m okay with staying with Vriska,” Tavros said, watching the pirate ship draw closer.

“We got no motherfuckin’ choice now, brother,” Gamzee replied.  He had been silent since they left Feferi’s ship, and Tavros could tell he was trying to control his anger.  If Tavros weren’t so nervous, he would have been angry, too.  Because of Eridan, the Highblood was closer to capturing them than he had ever been since their escape, and both of them felt the heavy pressure of looming disaster.  Tavros didn’t feel much better about the ship that was now opening its hull to engulf their pod, knowing that a different adversary, one he had almost forgotten about during his confinement, was its captain.

Their pod landed with a boom that echoed in the dark, empty ship.  They poked their heads out, looking around, but the only thing there to greet them was a clunky robot.  It ordered them to follow and turned, rolling away on three wheels.  They both hesitated until Gamzee gently pushed Tavros out of their pod and led the way down the hall, the sound of their footsteps echoing dully through the dusty passage.

“Why is this ship so big?  There’s no one in it,” Tavros whispered.

“This motherfucker is weirding my shit out,” Gamzee agreed.  They looked around nervously.

The robot stopped.  There was a moment of silence, no noise but the ship creaking, and a female voice said, “Welcome to the Pirate Cove.”

They both jumped and whipped around to find Vriska slipping out of the shadows of a doorway, laughing.  “What a couple of dunces!” she said.

Neither of them knew how to respond, so they watched her laugh, composing themselves the best they could.

She finally rubbed the tears from her uncovered eye.  “Okay, listen up, losers,” she said, tossing her hair back and smirking. “This is my ship, and I’m the boss.  Terezi is not the head of this ship, so don’t listen to anything she says.  Ever.”

“Uh, is she around anywhere, or—“

“What’s wrong, Toreasnore?  Am I not good enough for you?” Vriska sneered, closing the gap between them in a stride and getting into his face.  “You’ve been dead for two sweeps and you don’t even bother to say hi to me?”

“Uh, sorry, I guess...I mean, you just scared us, which, uh, severely hampered the proper greeting process...”

“Oh man, you’re just the same as always, aren’t you?  Yawn!  But wait, what’s this?” she asked, walking around him and making a show of admiring his legs.  “It seems like you’re walking again!  How’d you manage to do that?  Actually, never mind, I don’t care.  The only thing that matters is that now Pyrope can’t give me shit about paralyzing you anymore!”  She laughed as she walked past them, kicking the robot out of the way.  “You can follow me now.  And you,” she said, pointing at Gamzee, “don’t get to touch anything.  You’re not here because I said it was okay for you to be here, got that, clown?”

Gamzee watched her from beneath hooded eyelids, but he didn’t respond.  Vriska glared at him and turned, motioning for them to follow her.  Tavros glanced at Gamzee, who flashed him a lazy smile and tapped him forward before following him, his smile fading.

The silence was overbearing as they walked down the hallways.  Between the quiet and the tension of his companions, the awkwardness of the situation bore down on Tavros until he finally spoke.  “Are you, uh, the only two on the ship, or do you have a crew...?”

She glanced back at him and smirked.  “Of course we have a crew.  Did you really think two people alone could pilot a ship of this caliber?  Man, Tavros, being dead hasn’t done much for your brain.”

“I don’t know why you keep saying that...dead is, uh, something I’ve thankfully never been, which should be obvious to you, since I’m here now, alive,” he said.  Engaging in conversation with Vriska was proving more awkward than following her silently down a dark, creepy passageway, and he instantly regretted it.

“Well, what were the rest of us supposed to think after you disappeared on Conscription Day?  There are only so many fates awaiting a fudgeblooded cripple, and no one could foresee weak, pathetic Tavros joining the Subjugglators!  I’m honestly still baffled about it.  What have you been doing, shining shoes?”

“Um...I guess, uhh, you could say...something like that...” Tavros said, growing uncomfortable.

“What’s the deal, Tavros?” she asked, falling back to walk next to him.  He jumped as she snaked her metal arm around his shoulders, leaning against him.  “Karkat says you got a really bad break with your conscription and that I should feel sorry for you.  So why don’t you tell me what I should be feeling so guilty about?  What have you been doing these past two sweeps?”

“I, uh...that’s something that, um, I think I’d prefer not to talk about...”

“Oh?  It sounds like you have a secret.  I go out of my way to invite you as an honored guest onto my beautiful ship and you’re just gonna bum around keeping secrets?”

“Uhhhhhh...”

“Look at you, you’re sweating bullets right now!”

“No, I’m not...”

“Do I make you nervous?”

“Um...”

“Man, Tavros, you’re more of a wimp than I remember, and that’s saying a lot!  Have you always been this scrawny?”

“No, not really...”

“And what’s up with the bandage?  I can’t believe you’ve been strifing with anyone, the way you look.”

“Uh, wait!” Tavros yelped as she reached up to tear off the bandage covering the scar the Highblood had carved onto his cheek.  Gamzee’s hand shot between them and grabbed her wrist before she could touch his face.

“I don’t think you want to motherfuckin’ do that, sister,” he said, growling from deep in his throat.  She turned around and scowled at him, letting her arm drop off Tavros’s shoulders.

“Um, Gamzee...”

“I knew you were here for a fight!” she said.  “You didn’t do enough damage the first time, so now you’re back for more.  This was way too suspicious to be real!”

“I didn’t get any motherfuckin’ say in coming to be in your motherfuckin’ ship and I don’t got my ache on for any motherfuckin’ fighting, but if you rough up my bro I’ll be getting my harsh on about that."

“I didn’t do anything to him, jeez!” she said, and he slowly let her wrist go.  They stood glaring at each other, challenging each other in a fiery battle of wills.

“Um...uh, hey...uh,” Tavros stammered, trying to get their attention.  “Can we, uh, maybe calm down a little bit?  Gamzee?  Can you, uh, find your, um, your chill?”

Gamzee’s lips twitched.  “Yeah, brother,” he said, relaxing.  “I can get my motherfuckin’ chill on.  But,” he continued, directing the comment at Vriska, “I best not be seeing my bro getting any motherfuckin’ trouble up in his business or I’m gonna get all motherfuckin’ salty about that shit.”

“Have you forgotten who’s saving your ass?” Vriska shot back.

“We’re most definitely very grateful about the help that you’re offering us,” Tavros interrupted.  “We promise not to cause any more problems, and to not be, um, salty.”

She scowled, but after a brief internal struggle she backed down and shrugged.  “Whatever.  No more saltiness then.  Great.  Let’s go.”

The remainder of their walk was quiet and uneventful.  Vriska finally opened the door to the bridge, which was populated by robots and scalemates.  She kicked a scalemate off the captain’s chair and took her seat, and Gamzee followed suit, leaving Tavros standing awkwardly near the doorway.

“Terezi, report to the bridge,” Vriska said into a microphone.  She leaned back and threw her legs onto a counter covered in gadgets and controls and motioned to the robots working at the various stations in the bridge.  “Do you like my crew?”

“So they’re all robots?” Travos asked, moving to sit in a chair near Gamzee and setting the scalemate that populated it in his lap.

“All robots, designed and constructed by our good friend Equius,” she replied. She turned her attention to Gamzee.  “I had a real crew once...just a bunch of flaky lowbloods that were almost as malleable as you are, Tavros.  But then they all got killed by a rogue Subjugglator on Planet A72.”

Gamzee looked confused.  “You still get your talk on with Equius?  How’s the motherfucker all supplying you with robots?”

She frowned, glaring at him.  “That’s not the issue here, dumbass.”  He frowned as well, clearly missing her point, and she dropped her legs off the counter, leaning forward with a scowl.  “Planet A72.  Ring a bell?”

Tavros looked between them, growing nervous as Gamzee continued to look confused and Vriska grew more and more angry.  She was about to snarl something else when the door opened and Terezi slipped in.

“I’m guessing Gamzee’s arrived,” she commented, sensing the tension.

“What the fuck took you so long?”

“I was in the middle of a very serious trial,” Terezi said, grinning.  “Besides, I thought you would want some time to catch up with our old friends.”

“You’re laying it on thick, Pyrope."

“I’m just playing along, captain."

“Whatever.  Get in here, I’m issuing commands.”  Terezi closed the door and sat down between Gamzee and Tavros.  Vriska grit her teeth in irritation, but she continued. “This is what’s going to happen.  We’re low on supplies, so we’re going to land and restock.  After that, we’ll rendezvous with Karkat and the others, dump you two freeloaders off, and be on our merry way.  And don’t think about trying anything funny,” she said, directing the comment at Gamzee.  “You can’t take a step on this ship without us knowing about it.  We have eyes everywhere.  And noses and ears, I guess.”

“Fabulous plan, captain,” Terezi said.  “I’m so glad I stopped what I was doing to hear it.”

“How motherfuckin' long is it gonna be before we get our reunion on with Karkat?” Gamzee asked.

“Clowns don’t get to ask questions on this ship,” Vriska replied.  “In fact, just don’t talk.  Ever.”

Gamzee frowned, narrowing his eyes.  Tavros glanced at him and, turning to Vriska, asked, “Then, uh, would it be okay if I asked that question instead, being not a clown?”

Terezi smirked as Vriska glared at him, but she eventually answered, “You'll be reunited with Karkat in however long it takes us to get supplies.”

“So...we’re going to land somewhere, then?”

“Tavros, were you even listening to me when I was telling you the plan?  I thought I was being pretty clear.”

“I was definitely listening, but, uh...I was just making sure that I heard right,” he said.  Vriska eyed him with irritation.

“Another thing,” she said.  “You and I are going to work on your attitude.  You’re pathetic.  You really think you can join a rebellion like this?”  She gestured at him.  “You look like you’ve spent the last two sweeps in a cave!  Even Karkat looks better than you do, and he did spent the last two sweeps in a cave.  If you don’t want to tell me what you’ve been up to, I gueeeeeeeess I can get over that, but I can’t just sit back and watch you be so weak.”

He grew nervous, shrinking back into his seat.  “How, uh, were you planning to...remedy my weakness?  Because I actually don’t think it’s something that can be, um, fixed...”

“You’re just going to have to wait and see, aren’t you?” she sneered.  “Actually, follow me.  We’re starting now.”

She stood up and crossed her arms, waiting for him to follow suit.  He gaped up at her, and she cocked an eyebrow.  “Well?” she asked, and he turned to Terezi and Gamzee for support.

“Don’t—“ Gamzee started, but Vriska interrupted him with an angry noise. 

“No talking!” she snapped.

“I hope this doesn’t sound too, uh, weak, but I don’t think that I’m physically or emotionally capable of...whatever it is you have planned for me,” Tavros said, a note of desperation edging his voice.

“You’re going to back out before you even know what I have planned?” Vriska asked.

“Um, to be honest, and please don’t think of this as something I’m saying to knowingly offend you, but I’m basically terrified of you, because of our, uh, history together, and because I haven’t been, um, well conditioned to deal with this sort of situation, or, uh, any situations, actually...”

“And that’s exactly why you need it most,” Vriska responded.  “I hate to say it, but you’re even more boring and pathetic than you were on Alternia.  You are scraping the very bottom of the boring and pathetic barrel, and it’s a wonder you can show your face in public.  You should be ashamed of yourself.  I’m ashamed for you, Tavros.  Trust me, a little hard work would only be good for you.”

Tavros glanced at Terezi and Gamzee again, but Vriska released an explosive sigh and grabbed him by the shirt, yanking him out of his chair.  Gamzee stiffened.  Terezi, sensing his tenseness, said, “Don’t worry about it so much, Tavros.  She won’t kill you.”

He shot her a nervous glance as Vriska cackled and dragged him towards the door.  She pushed him out, but before closing it behind her, she turned to Terezi.  “Put him somewhere he won’t cause trouble,” she said, nodding towards Gamzee.  With that, she shut the door.

Chapter Text

For a few moments, the only sound was the whirring of robotic parts as the mechanized crew continued their navigational work. Gamzee eyed the door, his face blank but for the unsettling rigidity of his jaw, and then, without a word, he pulled his husktop out of his sylladex and began typing. Terezi sized him up quietly. He was angry, and she could sense something worthy of caution in the scent of his anger. But he didn’t seem intent on causing any trouble. She didn’t know what he was doing on his husktop, and she wished she could somehow lick his screen for a closer look. The thought of trying was so amusing she snickered.

“What’s so motherfuckin’ funny?” Gamzee asked, glancing up at her.

“Who are you talking to?” she asked, ignoring his question.

He paused before answering, “My best motherfuckin’ friend in the whole motherfuckin’ universe is who.”

She furrowed her brow. “Do you mean Karkat?”

“That’s the right motherfucker.”

“So your best friend in the whole universe is a guy you haven’t spoken to once in two sweeps?” she asked. “That’s pretty sad.”

“Yeah, it pretty much is,” he said, still typing. After a second, he added, “I always got my bro Tavros, but he’s not the motherfuckin’ same thing as what Karkat is to me.”

“Yeah, they’re not comparable,” Terezi said. “If you’re looking for someone to shout at you and flip his shit about everything, Tavros isn’t going to cut it.”

Gamzee smiled slightly. “No, Tavros wasn’t made to be for that sort of thing.” His smile faded, and he glanced at the door again. “What crazy shit does the spiderbitch have planned for my bro?”

“Bluh, hell if I know,” Terezi said. “When she starts scheming about stupid things like this, I’m the last person she talks to.”

He glanced at her. “You don’t get your talk on about scheming shit?”

“Not unless it directly involves me.”

“I always been thinking you two had a bitchtits wicked partnership what with all the damage you been doing all the motherfuckin’ time.”

She grinned. “Thanks,” she said. “But we’re not partners. We’re kismesisses. We get along horribly.”

He frowned, confused. “Then why you be all up in each other’s shit, flying around the motherfuckin’ galaxy all causing a ruckus all up over the motherfuckin’ place?”

“Because we have a truce,” she said, her grin widening. “And because it’s more fun that way.”

“What motherfuckin’ truce?”

“Now that you mention it, it sure has been a long time since I’ve talked to Karkat,” she said, pulling her husktop out of her sylladex as well. Gamzee eyed her as she licked the screen and started typing.

Chapter Text

“Can we take a break?” Tavros asked, stumbling backwards onto his butt.

“Whaaaaaaaat?  We haven’t even been working a whole hour!” Vriska said, prodding him with her foot.

“Am I, uh, perceiving this wrongly, or is today harder than yesterday?”

“You’re perceiving this wrongly,” she sneered.  “Today’s workout is easy.  In fact, you should be kissing my feet with gratitude for how easy I’m being on you!  We should have doubled our pace by now.  You really let yourself go, didn’t you?”

“It’s just...I have a lot of nightmares, so sleeping is something I never do very much of—”

“If your dumb horns weren’t so big, maybe you could fit in the recuperacoon and get some real sleep!”

“I, uh, don’t know what you expect me to do about that...”

“Well, I don’t know what you expect me to do about it.  I can’t make adjustments for something that’s your own fault.”

“...that awful logic aside, it’s also that the air in here is so thick, I’m really hot and I can hardly breathe...”

“That’s because you’re wearing too many shirts, dumbass!  Take one of them off and get back to work!”

“I, uh...can’t take off my shirts.”

“You can’t take off your shirts?  Not even one of them?  Are you serious?”

“Um, yes, I am...”

“Oh my god, Tavros, that is the lamest excuse I have ever heard.  You can try to worm your way out of this workout all you want, but could you not insult my intelligence while you’re at it?”

“I wasn’t...this is a serious thing, and not just something I’m using fictitiously to excuse myself from this horrible physical torture...”

“So, what, are your shirts stuck to your body?”

“No, it’s just..." He trailed off, shifting uncomfortably.  “I, uh, I have these, um, not very pleasant scars, and I’d rather keep them covered...”

“Is that it?  You’re freaking out about a couple of scars?”

“I’m not freaking out about them, exactly...I just don’t, um, really want you to see them.”

She rolled her eye.  “Tavros, if we’re going to make you into a real troll and not just a huge joke of nature, you need to stop this sort of thing.  Okay?  Everyone has scars.  Look, I have a mechanical arm and an eye patch.  What’s a couple scars?  You should be proud of them!  At least it means you’ve done something not lame with your life.”

“You don’t understand.  They’re not, um, the kind of scar anyone would feel proud about for any reason.”

“What other kinds of scars are there?” she asked, exasperated.

“Uh, well...” he started, stumbling around some useless half-formed explanations.

“Why don’t you just show them to me?” she interrupted.

“No,” he said immediately, scooting away from her.  A mischievous glint flashed through her eye and she smirked.

“C’mon, it would be easier that way,” she persisted, shifting into a more offensive stance.  He hastily stood up.

“Vriska, this isn’t something I feel very comfortable being harassed about, so if you could, um, not harass me, and just leave it well enough alone, that would be, uh, nice,” he stammered, backing away from her.

“Training isn’t over, Toreasnooze.  Do you think you can stop me?”

“Realistically, no,” he said.  “Can we maybe just, uh, talk it out instead?”

“Wrong answer!” she said, lunging at him with a maniacal laugh.  He stumbled backwards with a yelp and she fell on him, tugging at his overshirt.  He squeezed his eyes shut and curled up, gripping the hem of both his shirts, but Vriska managed to draw up a fistful of the material, exposing a small section of his back.  She stopped and he heard her inhale sharply.

“What the hell is that?”

“Um, what?” he asked, knowing that there were no scars that low on his back.  She shifted off of him and he sat up, looking around.  “Oh, that’s, um, my wings.”

“Wings?  Like for flying wings?”

He nodded.

“You have wings?”

He nodded again, growing more self-conscious.

“What the hell, Tavros!  When did this happen?  Way to not tell me you can fly now!  You’re such a shitty friend!”

“...Are we friends?”

“Of course we are, dumbass.  Why do you think I’m taking time out of my demanding schedule to make you a stronger, better troll?”

“Oh, uh, I just thought you were antagonizing me, like you always used to do...”

“If you’re talking about all the shit that happened when we were younger, I’ve put that all behind me,” she said.  “We’re adults now, and like a responsible adult I’ve forgiven you.”

“You’ve...forgiven me?”

“If you would listen while I talk, Tavros, I wouldn’t have to repeat myself.”

“But, um...shouldn’t I be the one to forgive you?  I mean, since you were the one who crippled me, and—“

“But look, you’re not crippled anymore, are you?  So let’s put the past behind us and forget that ever happened, okay?  No use opening old wounds,” she said, waving the subject away with her hand.  “What’s more interesting right now is the fact that you have wings, which you cruelly failed to mention earlier.  Wait to be an asshole, Tavros.”

“Uh...”

“This is a big deal!  Think about it.  Now you don’t need to worry about falling off of cliffs anymore!  You’re practically Pupa Pan himself!”

He sighed. “Not really,” he said.  “I can’t actually fly.”

“What?  Why?”

“I’ve just never really used them for aviation purposes, so now they’re basically just weak and useless.”

“That’s so dumb!  What’s the use of wings if you can’t even fly?”

He shrugged.

“That’s the boring answer, Tavros.  And didn’t we just say you weren’t going to be boring anymore?”

“Did we?”

“Yes, we did.  We’re not gonna just shrug it off and let you be a boring, pathetic loser.  Those days are behind you.  We’re gonna make your wings work like they’re supposed to!”

“...We are?”

“Yes, we are!  So take off your shirt.”  She moved towards him again, but this time he scrambled away as quickly as he could, shooting across the room.  “Hey!” she shouted.  “Why don’t you move like that all the time?  You’ve been holding out on me!”

“Uh, can we do it tomorrow?” he asked, hugging himself with his hands on the hems of his shirts.

“What?”

“Can we make my wings work tomorrow?  So I can, uh, alter my shirts, so I can still wear them when I have my wings out?”

She groaned and rolled her eye.  “Fiiiiiiiine.  You just know how to kill a party, don’t you, Toreasnore?”  She hopped to her feet, and he moved away from her as she approached him.  She smirked.  “You can stop being so skittish.  We’re officially taking a break.  Follow me.”

He trailed behind her as she left the room, and she led him to a common living area where they could get something to drink.  Terezi was sitting at the table with her husktop open, but Gamzee wasn’t present.

“Here, pupa,” Vriska said, throwing Tavros a sugary beverage.  He eyed it and set it down.

“Where’s Gamzee?” he asked.

“Who caaaaaaaares?” Vriska said with a groan.  “Can’t you be away from him for longer than an hour?”

“Um, yeah, I can, but, uh...”

“Honestly, you cling to him like a fungus.”

“I don’t—”

“You do!  He’s the first thing you look for when you enter a room.  You’re like an estranged housetroll who’s heard his matesprit’s been cheating.”

Tavros’s blushed.  “I’m just, uh, concerned about his wellbeing, since there are a lot of things that, uh, are worth being concerned about when it comes to him...”

“No, you’re just needy.  Seriously, every second you prove yourself a little more spineless!  When did you start needing a babysitter?  Do you know how lame that is?  You’re the lamest lame that ever lamed!  What happened to your imaginary self-confidence, what’s-his-name?”

He grimaced.  “Rufio?”

“Yeah, him.”

“He, uh...died.”

“He died?” she asked, suppressing a laugh.

“Well, uh, not really, because he was fake, like the way fairies are, and fake things can’t really die, being not alive...but I guess now, since he doesn’t exist at all, he’s even more fake than fairies, or other fake things that you can still believe in for the purpose of self-comfort, making him more or less, uh, dead, in that respect.”

“So is that why you’re so lame now?  Your stupid, imaginary self-confidence fake-died?”

“It...maybe has some bearing on my, uh, increased level of lame,” he said.  The miserable look on his face caught Vriska’s attention, and she bit down the comment she was preparing to drop.  Instead, she walked over to him and threw her arm over his shoulders.

“Well, hey, listen up,” she said, ignoring his tenseness, “things are better this way.  If you have a fake self-confidence, how are you ever going to find a real one?  Don’t worry, when I’m done with you, you’ll have something waaaaaaaay better than Rufio.”

“Uh...”

“Besides, you’re too old for fake things and fairy tales.  It’s time to become a man, Tavros!  And men don’t need things like fairies for self-comfort.”

“But I like believing in fairies, even though they’re fake.”

“Tavros, remember what we said about being boring?”

“Uh, yes?”

“Then this silly fairytale motif you have going for yourself is going to have to go.  It’s stupid, Tavros.  Only little wigglers believe in fairies.  And if we’re going to make you a man, you have to stop believing in things that are meant for little wigglers.”

“...If...that’s what you think is the best thing, I guess...”

“Great!  I knew you’d see the light of wisdom.  We’ll work even harder tomorrow, and soon you’ll be saying goodbye to weak, boring Toreasnore and hello to new and improved Tavros the Badass!  And you’ll be able to fly, just like you’ve always wanted!  Won’t that be awesome?”

“Um, yeah, I guess that does sound pretty awesome.”

“Great!” she said again, and her enthusiasm began to rub off on Tavros, who almost managed a small smile.  “I’ll give you the rest of the day off, so rest and cut up your shirts so you can use your wings tomorrow.”  She paused, and then she asked, “Would it hurt to let me look at them now?  I hardly got to see them earlier.”

Tavros instantly regressed into discomfort.  “Uh, I’d definitely prefer to, um, wait...”

“Come on, Tavros, I just want a quick look.  I’ll keep my eyes closed while you take your shirt off.  And it’s not like Terezi will see anything!”  Tavros glanced at Terezi, who was clearly listening to their conversation but pretending like she wasn’t.  “I promise it won’t kill you.”

“Please...just wait until tomorrow,” he said, leaning away from her.  She rolled her eyes.

“I’ll see your scars someday, so you should just get over it now and save yourself some trouble later.”

“Even if that’s true...I, uh, need some time to get used to the idea,” he said, conscious of how pathetic he sounded.  “They’re not good scars, and they pertain to all the, uh, things I dislike most about my, um, past, which I’m not sure I want to discuss with you.”

“Whatever, Tavros,” she said, sighing and dropping her arm off his shoulder.  “Hopefully you’ll ditch that attitude once we revitalize your dead self-confidence.”

“I thought we were going to make me a new self-confidence?”

“That’s what I meant.”

She sat down at the table, popping open her fizzy drink and throwing her feet up on another chair.  After a second, Tavros meandered over and sat down as well, glancing at Terezi, who had gone back to typing on her husktop.  It struck him that this was the first time in sweeps he had spent any significant amount of time in casual company without Gamzee, the Grand Highblood, or an overseer presiding over him.  He shifted in his seat, becoming hyperaware of his rusty social skills.

“Tavros,” Vriska said, getting his attention.  He looked up at her, and she rolled his drink at him.

“I don’t, uh, really like sugary drinks,” he said, standing the beverage upright.  It was too shaken to drink now anyways.

She was about to respond when a robotic voice boomed though the loudspeakers located around the ship, echoing down the halls, “Calling the captain to the bridge, we are preparing to descend.”

“Catch you later, losers!” Vriska said, standing up and leaving the room.

A few minutes passed in silence, and Tavros slowly became aware that Terezi’s attention had shifted from her husktop to him.  It felt as though she was examining him, even though he knew she wasn’t actually looking at him with her eyes.  His suspicions were confirmed when she asked, “You have wings?”

“Um...yes?”

“Can I smell them?”

“Um...”

“You don’t have to worry about scars.  I can’t see them anyways.”

“But...can’t you, uh...smell...them too?”

“Not if they’re the same color as the rest of your skin.”

“Really?” he asked.  She nodded.  He examined her face for honesty, thinking it over.  She wasn’t Vriska, and somehow that made him feel less uneasy about it.  Finally, he said, “I guess...that would be okay.”  Glancing at the door, he stood up, removed his overshirt, and pulled his undershirt over his horns so that his arms remained in the sleeves, letting it sit protectively against his chest.  He fumbled beneath it, undoing the ties that held his wings folded against his body.  They fell loose and slowly unfurled, shimmering along the veins.

Terezi got up and walked around the table, and Tavros stiffened as she got close to him and sniffed.  She continued sniffing as he stretched them, letting them flutter.  Every movement brought a flicker of soft colors across their sheer bronze surface.  Her face cracked into a grin.

“Tavros, these are so decadent, I almost can’t handle it!”

“Um...what do they smell like?” he asked, feeling awkward as she circled around him.

“I can’t figure it out,” she said.  “A fruit...or a candy...something fresh and sweet, but always with a rich and chocolaty afterscent.  And it changes every time you move them.”  She breathed in a huge sniff and released a pleasant sigh.  “It’s amazing.”

“Thanks?”

“But you can’t fly?” she asked, her face hovering near one of the wings.

“No,” he said.  “I don’t AUGH—” 

Terezi very gently licked the wing, and a bizarre shiver went through Tavros’s body.  He jerked away from her, and she grinned.  “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.  What were you saying?”

Tavros stared at her, stammering, “I was, uh, saying that, uh...”

“You don’t what?”

“Oh, uh,” he said, recovering, “I was saying that, uh, I don’t let them out much, so they can’t really do anything.”

“Why don’t you?  I think you should leave them out all the time.”

Tavros shifted from foot to foot.  “They, um...get in the way, I guess,” he mumbled.

He could feel her watching him, or sniffing him, or whatever she did when she was sizing someone up.  “Does it have to do with your scars?” she asked.  He felt his stomach drop.

“That...can we not talk about this?”

“Did Gamzee do that to you?”

He stared at her in shock, his stomach falling so low it seemed to displace all other major organs in his gut.  “You...the scars...”

“They’re a different color than the rest of your skin,” she said.  “Just a bit more chocolaty.”

He felt his face burn.  “I...” he started, unsure of what he actually wanted to say, and then he just shook his head.  “It was the Grand Highblood, not Gamzee."

She frowned.  “Why did he do that to you?”

“Because...that’s what he does?”

“I didn’t know he was into cutting his sign onto people.”

“I’d, uh, really appreciate it if we stopped talking about this subject, and maybe never brought it up again,” Tavros said, carefully folding his wings back up and preparing to tie them down.  Terezi made a noise of disappointment.

“Don’t put them away, you just got them out!  It must feel good to stretch them.”

“Uh, yeah, but...it feels indecent, to just have them out like that.”

“It’s not indecent!  In fact, I’d say it’s more indecent to keep them under your shirt like they’re some big secret.”

“They are,” he said. 

She fell silent while he finished putting both his shirts back on.  As he sat back down at the table, she slid into the chair next to him, and, although she continued to stay silent, he got the strange feeling that she was evaluating him.  It made him feel even more uncomfortable than he already was, and the heat began to rise in his face again.

Finally, he said, “If I was, uh, a little rude, I’m sorry, but that stuff is, um...personal.”

She didn’t say anything for a moment more, and then she commented, “I know. I can tell.”

“Oh,” he said.  They fell into another hypersensitive silence.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He looked at her in surprise.  “I...don’t think so?”

“So no?”

“I don’t know...I never have.”

“Not even to Gamzee?” she asked.  “Unless he's involved.”

“He’s not involved,” Tavros said quickly.  “I mean, he is involved, I guess, but not in a bad way.  It’s just that, the way he is, and where he stands on the issues, I guess makes it hard for me to, uh, mention certain things around him.”

“Tavros, I know I’m not the most sensitive person, but if you need to talk about something, you can talk to me,” she said.  “You don’t need to feel bad about it.  We’ve all got things in our past that are hard to talk about.”

He looked at her, and the uncomfortable feeling, though it still sat heavily in his chest, lessened slightly.  “Uh, thanks, Terezi,” he said, “but I don’t think...not now.”

She nodded and they fell silent again, but this time the tension was looser.  Tavros shifted, glancing at Terezi, and his curiosity got the better of him.  “Do you, uh, have things in your past that are hard to talk about, too, then?”

She smiled wryly.  “You could say that.”

“Um, well...if I can talk to you about my, uh, difficult personal stuff, then I guess...you can talk to me, too, if you need to.”

“Only if you let me smell your wings.”

“Oh, um...”

“It’s the only way I’ll be comforted.”

“...Okay.”

They felt the ship jar as it entered the planet’s atmosphere, and an announcement boomed through halls, calling Terezi to the bridge.  She stood up and turned to Tavros before leaving.

“Hey, Tavros.”

“Uh, yeah?”

“You know what Vriska was saying about fairies being fake and stupid?”

“Yeah?”

“I heard this story once about a guy with a beautiful, divinely scented pair of wings who could befriend any beast with his mystical powers.  He was the only one of his kind.  Sounds like an awesome fairy tale, doesn’t it?”

“What, um...what are you trying to say?”

“I’m just saying that maybe fairies do exist.”  She snickered and slipped out of the doorway, leaving him sitting dumbfounded by himself.

Chapter Text

Terezi walked down a series of cold, empty hallways, noticing a strange noise reverberating through the metal of the ship.  When she entered the bridge, the noise drummed lightly against the windows, and her sensory perception of the world outside was blurred.

“What’s going on?” she asked, pointing at the windows.  Vriska smirked.

“It’s raining,” she said.  “Can’t your weird extra-sensory abilities see rain?”

She grimaced.  “I can see rain!  But not when it’s running down the windows, smudging up the colors like that.”

Vriska laughed.  “And this is a pretty planet, too!  Them’s the breaks, I guess.”

“Har har.  Why did you call me?” Terezi asked.

“We need to go over the plan,” Vriska said, growing serious, but before she could continue, the loudspeaker boomed a command for everyone to prepare for landing.  They both sat, buckling themselves in, as the robots spiraled the ship downwards towards a clearing in a thick forest that sprawled at the foot of a range of mountains.  The sound of the engines grew to a roar as they controlled the descent, and with the slightest tremble, the ship touched down.  The engines cut, and the sound of the rain became the prevalent noise throughout the ship.

“As I was saying,” Vriska said, unbuckling herself, “we need to go over the plan.”

“We’ve been over the plan!” Terezi said with a groan.  “How many times do we need to go over the plan?”

“Until we both understand it perfectly!  This is a delicate situation that needs careful handling, okay?”

“Blegh, I got it!” she said.  “It’s not even hard to understand.”

“But we’re going to go over it again anyways!” Vriska snapped.  “I need to be sure you’re in one hundred percent.”

“I told you I’m in.”

“You’re not planning anything underhanded, are you?  No doublecrossings or backstabbery?”

“For the thousandth time, no!  What would I gain anyway?”

“Hell if I know!  What with your weird ashen flirtations with Karkat, it’s hard to tell where your loyalties lie.”

“God, that has nothing to do with this!  Your jealousy is getting ridiculous.”  Vriska eyed her, and Terezi frowned.  “Maybe I should be asking you if you’re in one hundred percent.”

“What?  Of course I’m all in!  I’ve been waiting for this opportunity for over a sweep!”

“But you didn’t expect Tavros.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked, flaring up.  Terezi smirked and began to answer when the door of the bridge opened and Tavros leaned into the room, glancing around.  His eyes fixed themselves on the windows, widening as he watched rain patter gently against the glass, running down in small streams.

“Tavros!” Vriska barked, and he jumped.  He looked at her, his eyes still big and oddly expressive.  “What are you doing here?  You can’t just wander into the bridge whenever you feel like it.  We’re discussing some very important and confidential business!”

“Uh, sorry,” he said, “but I noticed that we landed, and I was wondering if maybe it was possible for us to, uh...go outside.”

“You want to go outside?” Vriska asked.  “That’s why you’re interrupting our really important pirate scheming?”

He bit his lip and nodded.

“No,” she said.  “Go back to your respiteblock.”

“Can I, uh...” he started, fidgeting as she rolled her eye, “can I, if it doesn’t interrupt your, uh, pirate meeting, or the activities of your robot crew, can I just...look out the window for a little while?”

She fixed him with a cool glare, scowling as she examined his hesitant but hopeful expression.  “Tavros, do you know what confidential means?”

“Um...yes.”

“Then you probably realize why it was stupid of you to ask if you could stare out the window while we conduct our business.”

He sighed and looked down at his restless hands.  “It...seems a little stupid, when you put it that way."

“You have three minutes to look out the window,” she said.  “Hurry the fuck up.”

He looked up at her and smiled, and he snuck around the robots and scalemates to lean against the control panel that sat in front of the window.  Vriska watched him, tapping her finger against the armrest of her chair and ignoring Terezi, who was wearing a smug grim.  They heard him gasp.

“What?” Vriska asked.

“There are animals,” he explained.  “In the trees.  I, uh, don’t know what they are, since the fauna of this planet is probably really different than Alternia’s, but they seem friendly, maybe.  I definitely think they would be nice if...”

He hesitated and stopped talking, leaning forward onto his elbows and resting his head in his hands, watching the animals through the light rain with interest.

“Tavros,” Terezi called, and he and Vriska both turned to look at her.  Grinning, she said, “If you want to go outside, I’ll go with you.”

“Whaaaaaaaat?” Vriska said, and Tavros’s face broke into a grin as Terezi stood.  “We have important scheming to do, Pyrope!”

“We have a couple of days, right?” she replied.  “Why not let Tavros have some fun?  While he can.”

Vriska’s scowl deepened, but she didn’t stop Terezi as she beckoned for Tavros to follow.  He was nearly skipping with jittery energy as they walked down the halls to the deck that still held the pod he and Gamzee had used to escape from Feferi’s ship.  Terezi pushed a few buttons on a small control panel, and a section of the floor began to lower, dropping one end of the sloping walkway into the mud below.

Terezi led the way down, stopping just before the wet ground, and Tavros followed, his mouth gaping open as he looked around.  The smell of damp earth and the heady scent of flowers permeated the air, and the rhythmic sound of tiny raindrops striking the leaves of trees pattered over the silence of the forest.  A pure, organic light filtered through the grey clouds, enhancing the vivid colors of the landscape.  Terezi breathed in deeply.

“It’s like home,” she said, smiling.  “I miss my tree.”

She turned to Tavros and was surprised to find him taking off his shoes and rolling up the bottom of his pants.  Wordlessly, he stepped off the metal ramp and stood on the muddy grass, staring down at his feet.  He glanced back at Terezi, wide-eyed, and began to walk from beneath the ship.  The rain was slow to moisten his hair and clothes, and he stared up at the sky, blinking against the occasional drop that landed too closely to his eyes.  His mouth slowly curved into a smile as he began to turn, his face angled up into the rain.  Grinning, he picked up his pace, spinning himself around with growing abandon, until suddenly he broke into a run, laughing as he twisted, twirled, and sprinted around the clearing.

“What the fuck is he doing?” Vriska asked as she joined Terezi at the bottom of the ramp.  Terezi shrugged, smirking.  Vriska watched him as he sprang about for a good length of time until he tripped and fell in the mud, and she grimaced as he turned onto his back, panting and laughing.  Sighing, Vriska stepped off the ramp and approached him where he lay in the grass, wet, muddy, and exhausted.  Terezi followed.

“Tavros,” Vriska said, leaning over him.  “I didn’t let you come out here so you could get mud all over my beautiful ship.”   

He looked up at her and smiled. Her glare softened as he pulled himself to his feet. 

“You act like you’ve never taken a step outside in your whole life,” she said.

“Well, uh...this is the first time since Conscription Day that I’ve been outside of a spaceship,” he admitted.  “And,” he continued, “this is also the first time since, uh...the accident...that I’ve been able to run around and feel grass with my feet and that sort of thing, so, uh, it definitely feels pretty good.”

“Yeah, it must be nice to not be crippled!” Terezi said, and Vriska threw her a look. 

“It most certainly is!” Tavros said.  “I think not being crippled is truly a great experience.  Being outside, and being able to use my legs to walk around, and being able to run, and not being always in the same room...I think—I think that this is definitely, definitely...”  He paused, biting his lip and looking away, blinking rapidly.  Vriska’s face fell in dismay as he wiped a tear from his eye, smudging mud onto his face.  “This is definitely the best thing that’s ever happened.”

“Then why are you crying?”

“’m sorry,” he said, trying to suppress his emotions.  “I thought I’d never get to...I thought...I’d never get to be outside again, or to...this...I thought I was going to be there forever...”  He dissolved into pitiful little sobs, burying his face into his hands, and Vriska watched him, speechless.  Losing control, he began to wail.  “I’m so happy—!” he cried, smearing mud across his eyes as he tried to wipe them.

“And you weren’t going to let him outside,” Terezi said to Vriska.  Vriska frowned, watching him laugh a little through his sobs, his relief dissolving into pure joy.  Growing uncomfortable, she cleared her throat.

“Pupa, are you just going to stand there crying like a wimp, or are you going to enjoy the time you have outside?” she asked.  He glanced up at her, hiccupping.  “We’re standing in the rain, getting drenched and muddy.  You might as well make it worth it.”

He hesitated for a beat and nodded, wiping his face and smearing mud all over himself.  “You’re right,” he said.  “I am having an excellent opportunity presented to me, and to waste it by crying and acting childish would be a foolish thing to do.”

“Right,” she said, walking over to him and slinging an arm around his shoulders.  “So let’s go take a wet stroll through the forest, look at those animals you were gawking at earlier, and when you’re fiiiiiiiinally satisfied we can go back to doing real things again.”  His face broke into a grin as she spun him around and led him towards the trees. 

Terezi stayed where she was until they disappeared into the forest and then turned toward the ship.  She paused, smelling someone familiar standing at the top of the ramp.

“What’s wrong, Gamzee?” she asked.  “Aren’t you going to follow them?”

He didn’t reply for a moment. “I don’t think the spiderbitch would be so happy about that,” he said

“Probably not.  And she would notice if you did.”

He looked into the forest, a nondescript expression on his face.  “Tavros got some good feelings happening,” he said, “so I guess it don’t much motherfuckin’ matter.”

She studied him as he turned and made his way back into the ship. 

Chapter Text

“Aradia,” Sollux said, breaking the silence that had filled the bridge for the last couple of hours.  It was just the two of them, but Sollux usually liked it better that way.  Between his bouts of depression over Feferi’s absence and the growing apprehension he felt about the voices of the imminently dead growing louder in his mind, it was sometimes too much to be around the others.  It was never too much to be around Aradia.  She was spooky and a little bit unsettling, but she kept to herself.  Her presence was usually welcome when Sollux couldn’t stand anyone else.

But, as the voices grew louder and she continued to be ambiguous about the outcome of their mission, her presence had begun to grow distressing as well.

“Yes?” she asked without turning to look at him.

“Thith whole rebellion thing...it’th going to work out in the end, ithn’t it?  You wouldn’t convinth uth to do anything really ridiculouthly sthupid knowing it’ll have a shitty outcome, right?”

“The stupid things that will inevitably happen in the near future are a result of other people’s natural idiocy and not of my own few initial acts of intervention.”

“Okay, I should have exthpected that answer.  But if sthomeone were to do sthomething really sthupid, like, sthay, sthomething that could cauthe the death of millionth or billionth of people all at onth in a horrifically gruthome way, mythelf included...you would sthop it, right?”

“No.”

“You wouldn’t?”

“I can't stop what is going to happen, even if I tried.”

“Stho, wait, are you sthaying you sthet all thith up knowing that there’th going to be a bloodbath at the end of it?  Or I gueth I should asthk if the bloodbath ith going to be our fault or sthomething totally unrelated to thith pathetic sthuithide cruthade againtht the Subjugglatorth Kk put together in a fit of mithplathed megalomania.”

“I played the part that I was meant to play, and my control over the outcome has already been lost entirely.”

“Stho it ith going to be our fault.”

“Yes.”

“Then I don’t want to be a part of it anymore.”

“You already are.  You’ve already completed half of your contribution.  And if you withdraw now, you will live to regret it.”

“Regret it how?”

“You won’t be there to comfort your most cherished people as they die.”

“Wow, fuck, now I definitely don’t want to be involved.  What the hell are we going to do that’ll fuck everything over stho badly?”

“It’s not what we are going to do, but what we have already done.”

“Which ith what, exthactly?”

“Exist.”

“What the—“

Before he could continue, the door to the bridge slid open with a hiss and Nepeta poked her head into the room.  Both Sollux and Aradia looked at her, and she recoiled a bit, sensing the anger that was emanating from Sollux’s side of the room.  Shooting him an uncomfortable smile, she asked, “Have either of you purrhaps seen Karcat stalking around anywhere?”

“No,” Sollux said.  Her face fell.

“Do you mind calling him for me, purrlease?  I think he might have fallen asleep somewhere, but Tavros needs to talk to him.  He says it’s impurrtant!”

“What’th important ith the talk we’re having right now, stho jutht tell Tavroth to hold onto hith four wheeled devithe for few minuteth.”

“Tavros isn’t crippled anymore,” Aradia said.

“He’th not?  Ith that even pothible?  You can jutht sthtop being crippled?”

“His spinal injury was reversed by order of the Grand Highblood.”

“Okay, that’th sthoundth like a long sthory and I don’t care that much.”

“Have you talked to Tavros, too?” Nepeta asked.  “He didn’t tell me that he isn’t crippled anymore!”

“Don’t you know, Nepeta?  Aradia’th voithes tell her everything.  She’th bathically omnithient, jutht one sthtep down from a god, and we should all be begging her to bequeath a fucking fracthion of her amathing knowledge unto uth."

“You were, a minute ago,” Aradia said.

“It doethn’t even matter, becauthe I’m checking out of thith crathy project.  Sthay what you want, I’m not going to be a part of any massth genothideth, athidental or otherwithe.”

“You’re leaving?” Nepeta asked, eyes widening.  “But you can’t!  We need you!”

“That’th a laugh.  No one needth me.  You might need my codeth, but Kk’th been sthealing thothe anywayth in a vain attempt to underthtand what maketh me stho much more awethome than he ith at hacking, stho don’t even pretend like you have any reathonth to sthop me.”

“But—!” Nepeta stammered, looking to Aradia for help.

“Don’t lithen to her, she’th full of crap,” Sollux said before Aradia could speak.  “Thith rebellion ith bad newth, Nepeta.  You should get out while you sthtill can.”

“No, I would never!” she said, flushing a little with indignation.  “I purromised Karkat I would stick with him, no matter what!”

“He’th a dumbath, and he’th going to lead uth all to our death."

“That’s not exactly true,” Aradia interjected.  “Karkat has no more control over the outcome than I do.  In fact, the main instigators are not even present on this ship.”

“Then who are the main inthtigatorth?  It’th the damn clown, ithn’t it?”

“Gamzee?” Nepeta asked, looking between them.  “What are you guys talking about?”

“Not that it matters much whether I tell you this or not, but Eridan also has a crucial role in the continuation of this unfortunate sequence of events.  I thought that might interest you.”

“Eridan?” Sollux asked, flaring up.  “That rat bathtard, I should have known.  But...fuck, that meanth Fef’th going to get involved, doethn’t it?”

“I told you, everything you care about is at stake."

“Fuck.  Fuck,” Sollux spat, a few strands of electric blue and red energy twisting beneath his glasses.  “Fine, I get it.  I’ll hang around and help you dethroy everything.”

“I know,” Aradia responded.  Turning to Nepeta, she asked, “Do you still need us to call Karkat?”

She started, and, glancing at Sollux, who had turned to sulk at his computer, she nodded.  “If that’s not a purroblem...”

  “It’s not,” Aradia said, getting on the loudspeaker and calling Karkat to the bridge.

“Um...” Nepeta said as they settled down to wait for him, “can I ask what you were talking about earlier?”

“You can, but I wouldn’t advise it.”

“Oh...okay, I think.”

They fell silent, and between Sollux’s anger and Aradia’s total indifference, the atmosphere in the room made Nepeta increasingly uncomfortable.  She sighed with relief when the door opened and Karkat barged in, clearly annoyed.

“What the fuck do you nookstains want?” he demanded.  “Can’t anyone get any peace on this barely functional looneyblock of a spaceship?”

“Sorry, Karcat,” Nepeta said, waving to get his attention.

“Nepeta!  Goddamn it, I thought I had finally found somewhere in this moving asylum where I could sleep for a fucking hour without you waking me up unceremoniously for no fucking reason whatsoever, but I guess that just serves to prove what a drooling imbecile I am.”  

“I have a reason!” she said.  “I was chatting with Tavros, and he said he needs to talk to you about something impurrtant!”

“Something impurrtant like what?”

“I don’t know.  It sounded purrsonal, so I didn’t ask.”

“Did it pawsibly have anything to do with Gamzee?”

“Purrhaps!”

“Well, unless Gamzee is on a murderous rampage and Tavros is huddling in the ventilation shafts of the Scourge Sister’s ship, cradling someone’s dead body and chanting the words ‘Oh god’ repeatedly as a symphony of honks slowly closes in on his position, I’m not interested.  I have some very important napping to attend to.”

“I don’t think Gamzee is on a murderous rampage, but I do think you should talk to Tavros anyway!”

“Why?”

“Because he said Terezi told him to talk to you!”

Karkat paused.  “He did?”

“Yes!”

He eyed her for a second before sighing and plopping down in front of his husktop.  He opened trollian, and for the first time in two sweeps, adiosToreador was active.

Chapter Text

Karkat sighed and leaned back, rubbing his temples. There was a lot of shocking information loaded into that conversation, and it was going to take a bit to process. He wasn’t surprised to hear that Gamzee was difficult with romance. Karkat had always expected to feel bad for the two trolls who ended up in the clown’s concupiscent quadrants for having to deal with his infuriatingly vague and laidback attitude. Being his moirail was bad enough. Of course he and Nepeta had thought about Gamzee’s potential matches, and Tavros had always been a good candidate for matespritship, since his timid and tolerant personality would mesh well with Gamzee’s. But they had thrown that pairing away after leaving the cave and catching up on the gossip, thinking Tavros dead and Gamzee crazy.

Now, Tavros wasn’t dead anymore, and it turns out they were spot on with their shipping call. That should have been good news. Karkat had always hated the new set of suitors painted into Gamzee’s quadrants. Equius maybe could have managed to fill some quadrant, but Eridan? The idea was just stupid to think about. Tavros, being something other than a genocidal aristocrat or a sweaty highblood asskisser, was a gigantic shipping improvement, but if the situation was going as badly as he said it was, it sounded like it would fall in on itself. Leave it to Gamzee to tell a guy he’s red for him and then leave him hanging. He probably zoned out and forgot it even happened.

But they filled a pail together? That’s not something a person forgets.

The situation was clearly fucked. The more Karkat thought of it, the more he decided that it needed to be remedied. Not only because, as Gamzee’s moirail, it was important to him that Gamzee be with someone not absolutely shitty, but also because a relationship with Tavros might be just the thing to keep Gamzee out of trouble. After all, Tavros was one of the lowest of the lowbloods on the hemospectrum, falling into the rust blood category with Aradia, so maybe he could curb any highblood mania Gamzee still possessed. Besides that, he was a decent guy. Spineless, completely pathetic, and a bit of a tool at times, but decent. Maybe his kind, mild-mannered personality would put a stop to Gamzee’s rage episodes.

Yes, the situation needed to be remedied. And who was better for the job than Karkat, who understood troll romance better than any other troll he knew? Feeling inspired, Karkat sat back up and opened Trollian again.

Chapter Text

“Oh fuck. Oh shit,” Karkat said, panicking. He tried typing a few placating messages to Gamzee, but he was gone.

“What’s wrong?’ Nepeta asked, leaning over his shoulder. He slammed his husktop shut and turned, hissing a few obscenities under his breath. Nepeta shrank back. He glared at her, grinding his teeth and thinking.

“Come with me,” he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her out the door. “I have to talk to you about something really seriously fucking important.”

“Is there a purroblem?” she asked, growing nervous as he led her to her respiteblock.

“Yeah,” he said. “A big problem. A no-cat-puns-allowed huge kind of problem.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, so get in here and close the door,” he said, pushing her into the room and closing the door behind them himself. He turned and, looking her straight in the eyes with a solemn intensity, said, “I fucked up.”

“How?” she asked.

“I pissed Gamzee off, and I don’t know what the fuck he’s going to do, but I’m under the impression it’s not going to be pretty.”

“You pissed him off? What did you say?”

“I—okay, before I say anything else, I need you to know that everything I’m about to say is personal information that you can’t tell anyone, not even your smelly moirail. I shouldn’t even be saying any of this to you. It’s supposed to be between me and Gamzee...and I guess Tavros, now that he’s added a couple of pounds to the ridiculous amount of horseshit Gamzee’s newly acquired psychological problems have dropped into my lap.”

“I purr—I promise,” Nepeta agreed, nodding enthusiastically.

“Good. Okay, alright, so it’s like this—fuck, where do I start?” he said, crossing his arms and beginning to pace.

“Karkat, you should sit down or you’re going to work yourself up. Here, I’ll make you some tea! That’ll help you think clearly and relax!” she said, scurrying towards her tea set.

“Fuck the tea! Quit moving, you’re making me anxious.”

“You’re the one pacing.”

“Because I’m fucking anxious, so quit making me tea!”

“No! It’ll be good fur you.”

“No cat puns! Do I look like I’m in the mood for cat puns? Do I look like I’m in the mood for tea? Yes, Nepeta, because nothing sounds quite as good right now as a small bag of dried leaves bleeding their bitter, flavorless juices into a cup of steaming water that will probably burn the shit out of every exposed surface in my mouth before I start to even think about enjoying it."

“Just sit down and think about what you need to say, and it’ll be ready in a second!”

He made an angry noise at that back of his throat and snapped, “We don’t have time for that!”

“Then maybe you should start talking!” Nepeta shot back.

“Fine, okay, whatever! It’s like this: Tavros was the Grand Highblood’s pail slave—“

“What?!”

“I know, right? That sick fuck gets worse every goddamn sweep. Anyways, Gamzee’s apparently always been flushed for Tavros—“

“He has?” she asked with excitement.

“Nepeta, this is serious fucking business! Did I not tell you how serious this business is? Should I repeat the seriousness of this business to you? Do I need to chant it with solemn severity in the most deadpan, monotonous voice I can manage until its seriousness is forever emblazoned on your mind with the sort of religious fervor only absolute idiots can comprehend?”

“No, I get it. I won’t interrupt anymore.”

“God, thank you.”

“Your tea is ready!”

Karkat threw his hands up with exasperation. “Fucking fabulous, now I can die in peace!”

“I’ll set it right here for whenever you want it,” she said, placing a teacup on the table for him. She sat down in her pile of animal skins, cradling her own cup, and looked up at him expectantly.

“Are you ready to listen now?” he asked, gritting his teeth in frustration.

“Yes! No more interruptions."

“Okay. Okay. So, Tavros was a pail slave, Gamzee has always been flushed for Tavros, Tavros and Gamzee filled a pail kind of—that’s another can of worms I’m not even going to open right now—both of them misread the other’s intentions, Gamzee thought Tavros was scared of him, Tavros was going red for Gamzee, Vriska started hitting on Tavros, Tavros got confused, Tavros came whining to me, I talked to Gamzee, Gamzee flipped his shit, I calmed his shit back down and told him to talk to Tavros, and then, I accidentally mentioned that Tavros said that he thought of the Grand Highblood as a kismesis—which is fucked beyond words, but what isn’t?—and Gamzee did an acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle into the throes of insanity-induced jealous clown hatred and logged off.”

Nepeta stared at him, and he stared back, trying to seem anything other than desperate and helpless. Still staring at him, she took a sip of her tea and pointed to his cup. “You should drink some tea,” she said.

Sighing explosively, he marched over to the table and grabbed the cup, and then he marched over to the animal skin pile and sat down next to her. “What should I do?” he asked, staring into the murky water.

“I don’t know,” she said, and for a few seconds they were both quiet. “You don’t think...he’s going to hurt Tavros?”

“I don’t know,” Karkat said, huffing over the rim of his cup. “No, but...I just don’t know. The way he was talking, it sounds like it could go either way. And judging by his track record, if all the gossip about him really is true and not just a bunch of hearsay, I wouldn’t be surprised if he hurt somebody.”

“Maybe you should warn Terezi or Vriska?” Nepeta suggested. “If something’s happening between Gamzee and Tavros, maybe one of them can auspisticize for them.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Karkat said, setting down his cup and retrieving his husktop from his sylladex. He opened Trollian but paused before initiating contact. “Vriska won’t auspisticize,” he said to himself, “not if she hates Gamzee and especially not if she’s waxing red for Tavros. That means...”

“...Karkat?” Nepeta said, looking at him with concern. He scowled and, ignoring her, opened a chat with Terezi.

Terezi closed her husktop and stood, moving to the window. She could hear Vriska and Tavros training outside.

“Faster, pupa, faster!” Vriska shouted, watching Tavros strain against the tether that was keeping him grounded. He beat his wings as quickly as he could, sweat beading on his forehead and dripping down his temples. They had been at it for half an hour, and he was losing steam. He kept going, though, because even though it was awful work, his wings had grown much stronger and he could feel the difference in his back.

“Okay, pupa, you can stop now!” Vriska finally called. Tavros floated to the ground, plopping onto his ass. “How do you feel now, fairyboy?”

“Hot, mostly."

“But stronger, right? Look, pupa, you can fly now!” He glanced up at her, trying to gauge her sincerity, and she seemed genuinely proud of him. He found himself smiling.

“Yeah, I guess I can,” he said. His smile broke into a grin. “I can fly now.”

“I think it’s time you took to the sky as a free man!” Vriska said. “Stand up!”

He scrambled to his feet. “You’re just going to let me fly around?” he asked.

“Of course not! What do you think this is, recess?” she replied, her uncovered eye glinting mischievously. She walked over and, smirking, circled her arms around his neck. “Consider this weight training.”

His eyes widened. Finding it impossible to stutter out a meaningful reply, he swallowed the dryness in his mouth and slowly wrapped his arms around her waist.

“Now fly, pupa,” she whispered into his ear, and he spread his wings.

As Tavros and Vriska disappeared over the trees, Gamzee, who had been lurking in the bushes of the forest unseen, stole away into the dark underbrush, picking a path towards the mountains.

Chapter Text

Nepeta was careful not to wake Karkat as she updated her shipping wall to accommodate the new relationships.  She was pleased to redraw Gamzee and Tavros together, less pleased to draw Tavros with Vriska, and openly skeptical as she drew him with Terezi.  She had never expected to draw Terezi and Tavros in any sort of serious relationship.  Of course she had speculated on their compatibility in all the various quadrants, but the idea of either of them pursuing romantic relations with the other had always seemed rather absurd.  Romance could be a purrplexing thing sometimes.

She heard Trollian chime, and she quickly set her paint down and scurried to her computer, silencing the notification before it disturbed Karkat.  He would be grumpy if she woke him up again.  He would be grumpy anyway, being Karkat and perpetually in a state of grumpiness, but between the first interrupted nap, Tavros, Gamzee, Terezi, and his budding headache, she knew it would be wise to let him sleep a few more hours if not an entire day before she pestered him.  She sat down in front of her husktop and looked to see who was trolling her.

“Karkat!” Nepeta shouted, rushing over and pouncing on him.  His eyes flew open and he shot upright with such force that Nepeta toppled off of him with a yelp. 

“What the bulge-chaffing fuck is it?” he seethed after he had found his tongue.  “Are we under attack?  Is there a meteor headed for the ship?  Did Kanaya go on a blood-drinking spree resulting in the accidental death of everyone except the two of us?  What could possibly be so fucking important that you couldn’t wait until I woke up like a normal goddamn person with a natural biological sleep cycle for fuck’s sake?”

She looked at him sheepishly, regretting her impulsiveness, but she reminded herself firmly that she had a good reason to wake him up.  “Equius just told me that the Grand Highblood sent him to capture Gamzee and Tavros!” she said.

“He—wait, what?”

“He wanted to give us a fair warning,” Nepeta explained.

“Fuck me with every blunt object in this goddamn floating box of idiots!” Karkat snarled, scrambling to his feet and darting to her husktop.  He read over their conversation, occasionally mouthing the words with a variety of colorful expressions passing across his face.

“Karkat, that’s...a private conversation,” Nepeta said, but she made no move to stop him.

“Shit,” he said.  “Shit.  This is bad.”

“What are we going to do?” she asked.

“I don’t fucking know!” he said.  “We either let him incarcerate Gamzee and Tavros, probably destroying the Scourge Sisters in the process, or we try to stop him.  But how the hell are we going to stop an entire squad of Ruffiannihilators?”

“I don’t think Equius would fight us seriously if we challenged him!”

“Are you saying that because he’s your moirail, or does it perhaps have something to do with the fact that he’s Gamzee’s kismesis?  Which, by the way, you never fucking mentioned to me once this whole damn time even though this was clearly an established fact that you have long been aware of.”

“They’re not really kismesisses,” Nepeta explained hastily.  “Equius was just one of Gamzee’s black purrtners.  He never committed to the relationship, so I didn’t think it counted.”

“So this whole time you really hated Gamzee on behalf of Equius, but you just went along with everything because he’s my moirail?”

Nepeta sighed and looked at him apologetically.  “I’m sorry.”

“You’re doing that thing again.”

“What thing?”

“The thing where you go out of your way to please me and it makes me feel like a huge asshole!”

“How?” she asked, bewildered.

“Oh, I don’t know.  How about I verbally rip the shit out of your moirail every fucking chance I get like he’s some sort of giant fucking scratching post and I’m a restless cat with claws the length of Nitram’s horns, despite the fact that I have no real reason to dislike him except for his unsavory adherence to a social code I don’t agree with, and then, when my moirail, a psychotic murderer, comes along looking for help and compassion, you just cater to him without a word about the fact that he’s been abusing the shit out of your moirail for who the fuck knows how long.  How about that, Nepeta?”

She stared at him, processing his accusation with difficulty.  “I’m sorry?” she said.

Karkat exhaled explosively and gestured for her to come to him.  She approached him with timidity, and when she had come close enough, Karkat grabbed her wrist and yanked her onto his lap, hugging her as he pushed her husktop aside and pulled his own from his sylladex.

“I’m going to let the Scourge Sisters know what’s happening,” he said, opening Trollian and reaching around her to type.  She was still confused, but she smiled anyway and leaned back against him.

            With a frustrated scowl, he opened a different chat window and tried again.

            “Where the fuck are they?” he demanded, and Nepeta shot him a worried look.  He opened a different window.

            Narrowing his eyes, he turned to his last resort.

“No one is answering!” he shouted, banging his fist on the table and wrapping his arms around Nepeta, growling with frustration.

“What are we going to do?” she asked.

He thought for a moment and replied, “We’re going to go get Sollux.  Get up.”

She scrambled off his lap and he stood up as well, taking her hand and leading the way to the bridge.  He barged in, immediately calling everyone’s attention to him.  Aradia was still at her seat in front of her own husktop, and Kanaya was also present, but Sollux was not at his usual spot.

“Fuck, where’s Sollux?” Karkat asked.  “Call him to the bridge now, this is a fucking emergency.”

“So you’ve heard from Equius?” Aradia asked.

“What?” Karkat asked, dumbfounded.  “Wait, did you know about this?  Is this something your creepy voices whispered to you sweeps ago, and you’ve just been holding out on us this whole damn time?  If you say yes, so help me—“

She pointed wordlessly to her husktop, and Equius’s indigo words stood out starkly against her own.  “I talk to my matesprit sometimes, too, you know.”

“Karkat, what is this about?” Kanaya asked, her brow furrowed with confusion and concern.

“Equius is fucking us over,” Karkat said.  “Or, more specifically, fucking over the Scourge Sisters, Tavros, and Gamzee.”

“How so?”

“He’s following orders,” Aradia explained.  “It’s what he does best, besides sweat and break things.”

“Bottom line is the Grand Highblood sent Equius to capture Gamzee and Tavros, and if we don’t get our asses over there before they do, the four of them are going to be up to their nooks in Ruffannihilators and Equius-produced robots.  I don’t care how cunning and ruthless Terezi and Vriska make themselves out to be or how murderously insane Gamzee is, they can’t handle that much manpower by themselves.”

“Do you think we’ll do much better against those odds?” Kanaya asked.

“If nothing else, we have two powerful psychics, and that’s something,” Karkat said.  “We also have Equius’s matesprit and moirail, and not even that asskissing musclebeast cares enough about Subjugglator authority to pick a fight with his own redrom quadrant partners.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes!” Nepeta interjected with indignation.

Kanaya opened her mouth to apologize, but before she could speak, the door slid open and Sollux strolled in, looking annoyed.

“What the hell’th all thith noithe about?” he grumbled.  “Can’t a guy have sthome privathy with hith matethprit on thith ship?”

“No,” Karkat said.  “We have a situation.  We need to get to the Scourge Sister’s ship as quickly as possible, and we need to do it right the fuck now.”

“Why, what’th happening?  Did the clown flip hith shit?”

“No, the Grand fucking Highblood flipped his shit, just like he always is and always has been for hundreds of fucking sweeps because the freak of nature doesn’t fucking die.”

“His long lifespan isn’t unusual for someone with purple blood,” Kanaya commented.

“What the fuck ever, like I give a flying fuck about what is or is not usual for clown-worshipping assholes with purple fucking blood.”

“And I thought you said it was Equius who was the problem,” Kanaya said, frowning.  “If we’re battling the Grand Highblood, we’re going to need more time to prepare.”

“Fuck, what?” Sollux asked, turning to Karkat.  “If you’re ethpecting me to fly uth sthtraight into the Grand Highblood’th open armth, you’re broken in the think pan.”

“We’re not battling the Grand Highblood!” Karkat shouted, his eye twitching in irritation.  “Equius and his Ruffiannihilators are on their way to fuck the pirate duo’s shit up and take Gamzee and Tavros back to the Subjugglators, and we need to haul ass over there to give them some goddamn backup before they have all their limbs ripped from their bodies like a bunch of fucking ragdolls.”

“Fuck,” Sollux said, taking his position at the helm.  “I told you that clown wath going to be trouble!”

“Shove it up your nook!” Karkat snapped back, taking a seat.  Sollux concentrated his mental energy, and soon their ship was flying forward at a speed it could never manage on its own.

On the other side of the galaxy, Terezi read Karkat’s message and grimaced.  She closed her husktop as Vriska entered the rec room, followed closely by Tavros.

“Where’s Gamzee?” Tavros asked Terezi.  Vriska rolled her eyes and scowled, ignoring him as she fetched them drinks, and Terezi shrugged.

“I haven’t seen him,” she replied.

“Oh,” Tavros said.  “Okay then.”

He plopped down in a seat and grew quiet, looking rather distracted.  He jumped when Vriska slammed a can of soda down in front of him.

“What are your plans for the rest of the day, pupa?” she asked, sitting next to him.

“I, uh, don’t ever have plans,” he said.

“You sure do like to do a whole lot of nothing all the time,” Terezi commented.

He glanced at her and shrugged.  “I’m used to it.”

“Well, stop being used to it!  Let’s go do something fun,” Terezi said, grinning.  Vriska shot her a look, and her grin widened.  “Unless you have something else planned for him, captain.”

“I have some important work to attend to,” Vriska responded.

“That important work you told me about earlier?”

“Yeeeeeeees, that important work.”

“Then he’s all mine!  What do you say, Tavros?  Want to play a game with me?”

“What game?”

“Do you remember how to play fiduspawn?”

Tavros’s face immediately lit up.  “I think that, even after my long hiatus, my fiduspawn skills are still strict and, uh, generally impressive.”

“Is that a challenge?” Terezi asked.

“Oh, you know it is.  But I should warn you that getting beaten by a wimp like me is going to hurt so much worse than getting beaten by someone with high self-esteem, so you should be well prepared, and don’t underestimate me, so you’re not totally devastated when I’m done with you.”  Vriska snorted, but Terezi laughed.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she said.  “Come on, let’s go to my block.”  She allowed Tavros to precede her out of the room, and before she closed the door behind her, she turned back to Vriska.  “Karkat left you a message.  You should probably look at it before you do your important work.”

Vriska scowled as the door clicked shut.

Chapter Text

Vriska opened her husktop and read the few lines Karkat had sent her. “Great,” she grumbled. “Looks like we’re going to have to hurry this up!” Exhaling through her nose, she closed the conversation and opened another.

Vriska’s mind was racing, but she didn’t allow the overflow of information to cloud her judgment. Now that she couldn’t count on Eridan to whisk Gamzee away, sparing them from the wrath of Equius’s Ruffannihilators, they were in some deep shit. She had to try to cut a deal with Equius quickly, before either he or Eridan arrived. Cutting deals with Equius was always a delicate matter, since he tended to be crafty and double-dealing, and even with her long history of business with him, she always exercised a degree of caution. She would have preferred to leave him out of the Gamzee affair if at all possible. Luck had turned against her yet again, however, and if she couldn’t make him interested in her proposition, things were looking pretty sticky.

“Can’t catch a break,” she muttered under her breath as she began trolling Equius.

“Damn it!” Vriska shouted, bring her fist down on the table. She stood and closed her husktop, storing it in her sylladex as she hurried towards the bridge. Her robotic crew slouched uselessly at their stations. Growling, she kicked one of them over and grabbed the microphone for the intercom. “Every sentient being on the ship, get your ass to the bridge now. We have an emergency.”

It took Tavros and Terezi a good couple minutes to arrive at the bridge, and Vriska was fuming with impatience when they finally walked through the door.

“What’s the big emergency, captain?” Terezi asked, eyeing the inactive crew.

“Ampora didn’t take the deal,” she spat.

“What? Why?” Terezi asked. “It wasn’t a huge change from the original deal.”

“It’s a long story, and I don’t want to get into it right now. We have more important irons in the fire.”

“Do those irons have to do with the message Karkat sent earlier and the state of our robots?”

“Yes, both of those things. I tried cutting a deal with Zahhak instead, but no dice. It’s all or none for these assholes.”

Terezi frowned. “Something doesn’t make sense. You’re keeping things from me.”

“I told you, it’s a long story! I’ll tell you later. Let’s focus on not dying for now, got it?”

“Um, excuse me,” Tavros interrupted, “I know you’re probably talking about a lot of important pirate scheming or something like that, but, uh, what’s this about dying?”

“Well, Tavros, it seems that Equius has been sent to take you and the circus reject back to the Subjugglators,” Vriska said.

“What?” he asked, and the color drained from his face.

“And to make matters worse, he shut off all our robots. Remember how I told you two people can’t pilot this ship by themselves? That’s still true.”

“But, uh, there are more than two people, because me and Gamzee are here, and, uh...where’s Gamzee?” he asked, looking around.

“Hey, yeah, where is that fucker?” Vriska said, moving to the surveillance monitors that displayed footage from the cameras positioned around the ship. Gamzee was nowhere in sight.

“He hasn’t been in the ship for a while,” Terezi said.

“What?” Vriska asked. “You let him off the ship? Why did you let him off the ship? It’s kind of important that he be easily accessible at all times, Pyrope!”

“I was distracted and he slipped out,” she replied.

“Bullshit! The robots would have alerted me if he just ‘slipped out’! Someone tampered with their surveillance settings!”

“What makes you think Gamzee didn’t do that?”

“Because I had him denied access to the bridge!”

“You caught me.”

“I knew it!” Vriska burst out, glaring at her. “You’re trying to sabotage me! I knew you and Karkat were in cahoots somehow!”

“Stop being so dramatic!” Terezi snapped back. “There was a situation.”

“What situation?”

“Karkat said something to Gamzee that made him angry, so I let him leave to avoid a conflict.”

“You know what conflict we should be trying to avoid? The one that’s happening right now!” Vriska said. “What the hell are we going to do when Sweaty McStrongman shows up and the clown’s not even here?”

“Sorry, captain, but I thought you had everything under control!”

“I did, but then Tavros had to go and make everything difficult!” Vriska shouted. “And that still doesn’t justify letting Gamzee roam the countryside, Pyrope, since my control over the situation was banking pretty heavily on my possession of him at the crucial moment, which is right now!”

“I can go find him...” Tavros offered, but his voice was lost beneath Terezi’s, who retorted, “Don’t blame Tavros for your miscalculations! You should have expected him to make things difficult from the start! I saw it coming from a mile away, and I’m blind!”

“This is a lot more serious than any stupid romantic complications!”

“Oh, is it? Share your wisdom, captain!”

“I’ll tell you later! How many times do I have to tell you that I’ll tell you later? Damn it, Pyrope, I will tell you later.”

“Why not right now? We’re not going anywhere anytime soon!” Terezi sneered, gesturing to the lifeless robots. “We might have just enough time for you to finish before Equius shows up to kill us!”

“Because Tavros is right fucking there, you dunce!” Vriska snapped, pointing to the spot where Tavros had been standing. With a start, she noticed that he had disappeared. She swore and rushed to the surveillance monitors, which showed him dropping the ramp to the outside.

“Where is he?” Terezi asked. “I would look myself, but someone won’t let me lick the screens.”

“You lick the screens when I’m not looking anyway,” Vriska said. “He’s going outside. I’m going to stop him!”

“Let him go,” Terezi said, grabbing her arm as she moved her hand to her temple.

“We can’t let him go! We need to get out of here! If we hurry, we can put some distance between us and Zahhak with that shitty little pod they borrowed from Peixes.”

“What about Gamzee?”

“Leave him! Ampora and Zahhak can fight over him for all I care!”

“Tavros won’t leave Gamzee behind.”

“He’ll get over it.”

“No, he won’t! Don’t you get it? They’re matesprits.”

“They—what?” Vriska asked, freezing. She looked at Terezi, her stomach dropping as she examined her face for sincerity. “But...he—“

“Get over yourself,” Terezi said, releasing her arm. “If you make Tavros leave without Gamzee, he’ll never forgive you. And neither of us will leave without Tavros. Our only option is to wait for Karkat.”

Vriska gaped at her as she walked past her, leaving her alone in the bridge.

Chapter Text

Tavros circled the valley, calling Gamzee’s name as he scanned the forest below him.  The canopy of the trees was thick, and despite his training, he was beginning to fatigue.  Glancing at the sky with growing apprehension, he ignored the budding hopelessness in his chest and pushed on, shouting himself hoarse as he glided towards the mountains.

He finally saw Gamzee sitting on a ledge that opened into a small cave on the cliff face.  Gamzee had heard him and had been watching him fly around, but he had made no move to call his attention to him.  When they finally made eye contact, Gamzee stood up and walked into the cave.

Tavros landed with a strange feeling of foreboding in his gut, calling after him.  There was no reply.  He entered slowly, half expecting to find something horrific—corpses, carnage, severed heads—remembering Terezi’s comment that Karkat had somehow angered Gamzee.  Karkat wasn’t supposed to anger Gamzee. He was supposed to calm him down in a way that no one else could, and Tavros couldn’t begin to imagine what sort of mood Gamzee would be in if it was Karkat who had made him angry.  He shuddered but pushed forward, trying to assure himself that no matter how crazy Gamzee got, he would never harm him.

With no sound of warning, a pair of hands grabbed him from behind and swung him around, kicking his legs out from beneath him.  He fell to the ground, letting out a yelp.  He opened his eyes to find Gamzee straddling his torso, holding his head pinned by his horns.

“Gamzee?” Tavros stuttered.  A terrible, cold expression was on his face, and the yellows of his eyes were orange with bloodlust.  Tavros felt his heart beat faster, hammering against his ribs.  “Gamzee, uh, what’re you doing?  We have to go, Gamzee, we have to run...”

“Shut up,” Gamzee commanded, staring down at him.  Tavros knew instinctively to obey.  Something strange was happening in Gamzee’s expression.  He was silent for a long time, struggling with some thought or emotion, his eyes promising the pressure of the chucklevoodoos if his rage broke.  Finally, he said, “I could do it for you, brother.  I could be your mother fucking kismesis.”

Tavros’s eyes widened, but he kept his silence as he was commanded.

Gamzee continued, his voice straining against his careful control.  “If you’re thinking you want to get your flush on for the spiderbitch, that’s mother fucking okay, bro, I can be all mother fucking chill on that.  If that’s where your paradise is at, then you make up your paradise.  I’m not gonna steal up all the wicked freedom you got now you’re all your own mother fucking person.  But don’t you up and fill your mother fucking quadrants with that sick mother fucker, bro, don’t you go all mother fucking hurting me that way.  I can mother fucking do it for you, brother.  I can be all salty at you if that’s all what you need.  I can get all my harsh on at you and pin you the mother fuck down and be like a little mother fucking rough up on you.  If you need a mother fucker to make some mad mother fucking noise at you, brother, I can be all about that too, just you fucking tell me how all you like it and I’ll deliver it up to you, no mother fucking questions.  I’ll treat you like how you were always meant to be treated, better than that mother fucker, the best hate partner you could ever up and want.  Just don’t you mother fucking let him up in your heart like that, you motherfucker, don’t you mother fucking do that to me.”

He leaned forward, still keeping Tavros’s horns pinned, and dropped his forehead onto Tavros’s.  Tavros sensed the rage slipping away, and Gamzee's body slumped onto him, betraying his exhaustion and heavy sadness.  “Please,” he pleaded, and Tavros felt his heart skip a beat, “I just wanna be your something.  I’d give up all the mother fucking miracles that ever up and existed just to be a mother fucking something to you.”

Tavros, his heart pounding, reached up and brushed his fingers against Gamzee’s jaw.  Gamzee’s eyes fluttered open, and Tavros slipped his hands to the back of Gamzee’s head and tilted it until their lips touched.  Gamzee’s body slackened, and, no longer pining Tavros’s horns, he ran his hands behind Tavros’s head and down his cheek, neither deepening the kiss nor pulling away.  When they parted, he looked at Tavros, his eyes yellow and lidded and devoid of rage.

“I think I want you to be something to me, too,” Tavros said, blushing.  He quickly added, “You don’t have to rough me up, though.”

Gamzee shifted off of him and let him sit up.  The both sat for a few minutes, letting the tension fade, watching each other almost shyly.  Gamzee broke the silence.  “Bro, when we get our wicked selves back to the ship we’re gonna get all snuggled up in a pile of something and lay out all these feelings what we’ve been holding in all this time,” he said.  “We been all missing each other, and things got to be set straight up like how they really are before we get all our hurt on some more.”

“That sounds really great, Gamzee,” Tavros said, “but we have to wait.  Equius is coming to capture us, so we should definitely be more worried about that than, uh, our feelings, which will be there later, probably.”

Gamzee’s face fell.  “Equius?” he asked.

“Uh, yeah, but, uh...don’t worry about him, since I’m sure Vriska and Terezi will take care of us,” he said, trying to lift his spirits.  “So, um, let’s go, and maybe we can have that talk about our feelings when we escape, and then maybe...maybe we can slam about it?  Since we haven’t done that in a really long time...”

A light seemed to turn on in Gamzee’s eyes, and he smiled.  “You got it, bro!  We’ll jam out our motherfuckin’ feelings and slam out some strict motherfuckin’ rhymes like back how things were when everything was beautiful.”  He stumbled to his feet and pulled Tavros up with him, throwing an arm around his shoulders and grinning even as he knocked his head against Tavros’s horn.  “Let’s kick this pie stand, invertebrother!”

“Yeah,” Tavros said, slipping his arm around Gamzee’s waist in return.  They began walking towards the entrance of the cave when a loud boom resounded through the valley, and, startled, they both jumped.

They were quiet for a few seconds as the rumbling echoes died outside.  “Bro, how long were you saying it’s gonna take Equius to get his arrival on up in our business?” Gamzee asked.

“I...wasn’t saying anything about it, because I actually don’t know at all,” Tavros said.  They looked at each other.

Gamzee narrowed his eyes and dropped his arm from Tavros’s shoulder.  “You stay right here, bro, you got that?  I’m gonna go kick some wicked investigations on that motherfuckin’ noise.”

“But, uh, I think I should come too, because realistically, I can fly, and you can’t, which makes me valuable in the event of retreat becoming a necessary thing,” Tavros said.

Gamzee thought about it and nodded.  “You’re right, brother, that’s a valuable skill you got.  But if things start to get all motherfuckin’ shittent clowncars, you best be getting your retreat on the fuck out of this bloodcircus, you got that?  You don’t got to be waiting for me if shit gets kicked too crazy.”

“As in, leave you behind?” Tavros asked.

“I know just what’s all happening in that motherfuckin’ think pan of yours, brother, and you don’t got to be all nervous about shit like that,” Gamzee said, reaching over to hold Tavros’s hand.  “I’m the motherfuckin’ prophet for those bitches’ heretical motherfuckin’ faith fantasies, and there won’t be nothing they can do to me what Kurloz will allow to be too harsh.  What you got to be getting your worry on about is what’s gonna happen to you, bro, because that’s where the serious punishment is going to be getting cracked open and poured out with all the motherfuckin’ wrath up in Kurloz’s dark motherfuckin’ heart.”

“But, Gamzee...” Tavros said, “we just...we finally just worked something out, kind of, I think...maybe we did, I don’t know...but if we did, and you get captured...is that it?”

“I don’t know, brother.  But so long as you’re flying free like what you do now with your bitchtits pretty wings you made to be all strong for flying, we can be working something out even more than what we all just got worked out.”

“I guess you’re probably right,” Tavros said.  “But how about we just don’t get captured instead?”

“You got it, bro!” Gamzee said, laughing.  “Let’s get our careful on and kick this investigation together.”

Still holding onto Tavros’s hand, Gamzee led the way to the entrance of the cave, peeking out and glancing around.  A large, deep blue spaceship with the crest of the Ruffiannihilators emblazoned on its side had landed near Vriska’s pirateship, from which a dark cloud of smoke was already billowing.

“Oh no,” Tavros said, looking over Gamzee’s shoulder.  “What should we do?”

Gamzee was quiet for a moment and said, “We got to get our wicked selves up in our escape ship.”

“Uh, Gamzee, that’s theoretically a good idea, but, uh, our escape ship is surrounded by Ruffiannihilators, which, if they’re all like Equius, aren’t people we want to fight...”

“Aw, shit, brother, you’re right.  Motherfuck, what should we do?”

“I don’t know either.”

“But we can’t be all staying the motherfuck here.”

“...Why not?”

“Because Equius is one smart and serious dude.  He’d be finding up our location if we’re all what he’s been up and looking for.”

“Maybe if we hide really well...”

“No, bro, we got to be getting our asses up in our escape ship.”

“Um, Gamzee?  We already sort of decided that maybe that plan isn’t the best one.”

“No, bro, give me some time to think on this.  I might not be like all smart the way Equius is, but I got a different sort of smart.”

“What sort of smart is that?”

“The kind that makes shit get kicked in magical ways, brother.  I am the motherfuckin’ king of wrath miracles.”

“I, uh...I guess that sounds reasonably comforting.”

“Fuck yeah, brother.  And you’re still the motherfuckin’ king of animals and all the little beasts and shit, am I right?”

“If by that, you mean I can still effectively commune with them, then yes, I am royalty of the highest rank.”

Gamzee snickered.  “Bro, when we get our slams all started up, you best be making up some strict rhymes on about your bestial monarchy.”

“Okay,” Tavros said, smiling.

“But, uh, fuck...oh yeah, you’re still all about controlling the animals and shit, so that’s something we got that’s pretty motherfuckin’ useful.”

“It is?”

“Fuck yeah, brother!  Here’s what I been thinking just now: how’s about we get to be all sending out some motherfuckin’ invites to a bitchtits wild animal party up on the piratebitches’ ship?”

“An animal party...?”

“Yeah.  Fuck yeah.  Hell fucking yeah, bro, I got this shit all sorts of figured out!  You wanna crack open a wicked bottle of mayhem up in this bitch?”

Tavros glanced at Gamzee, who smiled at him, a dark but playful glint in his eye.  “Uh...yeah.  Let’s do that,” Tavros said, feeling both anxious and surprisingly bold.  “And, uh, for the record, I trust you to not do anything really irreversibly foolish that could end in our deaths.”

“Don’t you worry yourself silly, dogg, we’ll be off this motherfuckin’ planet before its small yellowish sun falls out the sky.”

Chapter Text

“Sir, the fugitives are not on the ship!” a beefy, olive-blooded Ruffiannihilator said, saluting as he addressed Equius. 

“You have checked every possible location?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Shoot,” Equius murmured, adding quickly, “Excuse my language.”

“We told you,” Vriska said, sitting on the floor back to back with Terezi.  “No fugitives!  You know where the door is, so you can leave any time you want.”

“You will tell me where they are,” Equius commanded, looming over the two of them.  “It would behoove you to do it quickly.”

“Come on, Equius, do we really have to resort to this?” Vriska said, rolling her eye.  “You and I have been doing business for sweeeeeeeeps.  Are you really going to stand around threatening me now?  We don’t have what you’re looking for, and that’s all you really need to know!  Why don’t you be a real man and admit that you fucked up instead of beating a dead musclebeast for information it doesn’t have?”

Equius gestured to one of the muscular trolls surrounding the Scourge Sisters, who grabbed Vriska by the throat, hoisting her to her feet.  “I can feel you in my mind, and your pathetic attempts to control me won’t work.  You will stay out of my head if you wish to survive this experience with the rest of your limbs,” Equius said, watching Vriska sputter and claw at the powerful hands gripping her neck.  “I do not have the patience to entertain your vulgarities or play your silly wiggler games.  You will tell me where the fugitives are.”

“They’re with Eridan,” Terezi said.

“Eridan?” Equius repeated, turning his attention to Terezi.  “The sea dweller?”

“That’s right,” she replied, keeping a straight face.

“Explain this to me.”

“Why are you asking me?  I’m just a pitiful underling with no real authority.  All I do is wax the floors and clean the windows.”

“You’re lying.  I designed a robot for that job.”

“Okay, maybe I do a little more than that.  But I’m still just a lowly lackey. Shouldn’t you be interrogating the captain about stuff like this?  You clearly don’t know much about the science of interrogation.  If you need any tips, just let me know, I’d love to help.”

Equius scowled, but he gestured for the troll holding Vriska to release her.  She fell to the ground, gasping.  “Explain,” he commanded, and Vriska glared at Terezi, who flashed her a cheeky grin.

Rubbing her neck, Vriska said, “She’s right, the fugitives are with Ampora.  He just left not too long ago.”

“Did you surrender them willingly, or were they taken by force?”

“We surrendered them willingly, you ass.  Just because you weren’t interested in my deal doesn’t mean someone else wasn’t!”

“I see.  And you gave up the lowblood as well?”

“Do you see him around, genius?”

“I do not understand why you could not have amended our deal to include the lowblood if you were willing to do so when conspiring with another party.”

“Them’s the breaks!”

Equius thought for a moment and asked, “Why was the sea dweller interested in acquiring the fugitives?”

“Hell if I know.  Probably for the same reason you are.  To kiss ass.”

A few beads of sweat began to glisten on Equius’s brow, and he said, “You will refrain from using such expletives in my presence.”

“You’re an asskisser and you know it.”

“Stop,” he commanded, and one of his Ruffiannihilators moved to punish her on his behalf.  He held up his hand, signaling for the troll to refrain.  “So the fugitives have eluded us, but they are on their way back to the Subjugglator headquarters nonetheless.”

“That’s what it sounds like."

“Hmm...” Equius mused, walking across the room.  He frowned and, without warning, dropped his fist onto the head of a robot, which crumpled under the blow and showered sparks onto the floor.  Everyone in the room jumped.  “This is an unpleasant turn of events,” he said. 

“Unpleasant?” Vriska repeated.

“It sounds like a good thing, if you ask me,” Terezi said.  “The Grand Highblood wanted Gamzee and Tavros, and now he’s getting them.  What’s the problem?”

“I can’t expect two insolent pirates to understand the subtle politics involved in this quandary,” Equius responded.  He turned and, addressing the oliveblood, ordered, “Contact the sea dweller immediately.”

“What are you going to do?” Vriska asked, shooting Terezi a look.

“I am going to attempt to address this problem in a diplomatic manner.”

“That’s a laugh!” she said, growing nervous as the oliveblood brought out a husktop.  “Neither of you two are exactly diplomatic when it comes to making deals.  Why don’t you just go chase him down and beat him up like everyone knows you want to?”

“I may eventually, but tradition and decorum both dictate that I make an attempt to reason with the sea dweller before I destroy him.  It is dignified to extend a gesture of goodwill before engaging in battle, no matter how insincere the gesture actually is.”

“You probably don’t want to mess with Ampora,” Vriska said quickly.  “He’s got a huge fleet of genocidal sea dwellers following him around, and they have some insane weaponry.  They may have amassed all the legendary weapons by now.  All of them.  All of them.”

“But are they as strong as me and my warriors?” Equius asked, and every Ruffiannihilator in the room struck a pose to emphasize their impressive musculature.  “I think not.”

“Sir...” the oliveblood said, calling Equius's attention to him, “the sea dweller claims that he doesn’t have the fugitives.”

“That bastard!” Vriska said with all the spirit she could muster.  “He’s trying to fuck us over!”

“Is he?” Equius asked, staring down at her from behind his dark glasses.

“I told you we couldn’t trust him,” Terezi hissed theatrically.  “He’s trying to cheat us out of that spaceship.”

“I know what he’s doing!” Vriska snapped back.

“You are suggesting he’s lying to keep you in a position of peril so that he won’t have to provide his share of your bargain,” Equius said, looking between them.  “The other alternative is that you are lying and that he does not actually have the fugitives.  Which is it?”

“Which do you think it is, Captain Obvious?” Vriska said, sneering.

“Sir, the sea dweller is approaching our position.  He wishes to offer his services in helping us locate and detain the fugitives,” the oliveblood announced.

“I see,” Equius said, turning back to Vriska and Terezi.  “I think we know now who the liars are.”

“Shit,” Vriska said.  She leaned back against Terezi, hissing, “What now?”

“I don’t—”

Without warning, the door to the bridge flew open and a number of large, deer-like animals bounded in, braying and toppling robots.  There were a few moments of panic and confusion, during which a Ruffiannihilator punched one of the animals and earned himself a sharp scolding from Equius, and soon all the trolls in the room were standing on the control panels near the windows, watching the hoofed animals wreak havoc on the room.  “What is this nonsense?” Equius asked, turning to glare at Vriska and Terezi. They had both disappeared.  “Shucks,” he swore.

Vriska and Terezi ran down the hallway, navigating the crowds of animals that had wandered onto the ship as swiftly as possible.  They reached the dock and found Tavros and Gamzee hovering over the control panel, trying to figure out how to open the gates to allow the escape pod to exit the ship.

“What the hell are you doing?” Vriska demanded, grabbing Tavros and shaking him.

“Um...escaping?”

“Escape somewhere else!  Equius is in the ship, you numbskull!”

“Yeah, we know, so we brought a lot of animals to distract him.”

“Tavros, you can’t possibly be dumb enough to think that a bunch of stupid animals are going to stop a whole squad of Ruffiannihilators.”

“It’s not some crazy idea what’s been got out of the outer motherfuckin’ ring of ideaspace, sister,” Gamzee put in.  Vriska turned to glare at him, seething as he continued his explanation.  “Equius got like this motherfuckin’ adoration of cute little animals, and he won’t be hurting any innocent creatures no matter how mad he gets.”

“So, what, they’re not gonna rush down here because there’s a couple rabbits in the hallways?”

“Yeah, that’s about the right thing.”

Terezi broke out laughing.

“Yeah, I thought it was kind of silly, too,” Tavros said, smiling.

“Stop laughing!” Vriska snapped, pushing Tavros out of the way and punching a code into the control panel.  The gates began to open.  “You have to get out of here now!  It’s great you managed to stall Equius, but Ampora’s on his way and he’s not going to have any problems shooting a bunch of woodland creatures.”

“Eridan’s coming, too?” Tavros asked in alarm.

“Oh, good, you were listening!” Vriska sneered.  “Get on the ship and hurry up.”

She started pushing Tavros towards the escape pod, but he resisted, turning to look at her and Terezi.  “But, wait, what about you?”

“What about us?”

“I mean, are you going to be okay, with all these people coming to attack you and maybe hurt you because they’re looking for us?”

Vriska paused and looked at him, gritting her teeth.  “Tavros, look at me, and look at you.  I can hold my own.  I don’t need you, okay?  I’m not some helpless little wimp.  I roll with bad breaks all the time, and this isn’t my first.  So just go.”

“Um, okay...if you say so.  But, uh, let’s not make this the last time we ever meet, okay?  Because I thought it was nice, knowing you like this, in a way that isn’t terrifying or painful, and I think maybe we could get along if we tried.  And, uh, Terezi?  I really hope we can continue things, because I definitely think this is something worth continuing, if you, uh, don’t mind.”

Vriska looked at Terezi, who grinned and replied, “Don’t worry, it’s going to be fine.”

After a brief hesitation, Tavros turned and jogged towards the escape pod, which Gamzee had started.  He looked back and waved as the door closed.  “What was that about?” Vriska asked as she lifted her hand.

“Oh, didn’t I tell you?  We’re moirails now.”

“You’re whaaaaaaaat?” Vriska asked, staring at her in angry disbelief as the pod’s engines started and it began to hover above the floor.  The animals parted, giving the pod enough room to maneuver its way towards the open gates without squashing anyone.  As the pod moved out of the ship, the growl of the engines grew to a roar, and it began its ascent.

“You let Gamzee get away,” Terezi commented as the noise of the engines faded into the sky.

Vriska didn’t say anything at first.  “I’ve decided that I'm not going to give him back to the Subjugglators,” she finally said.  “That’s letting him off too easy.  I got too many problems with that guy to let anyone kill him but me.”

Terezi frowned.  “Maybe Karkat’s right,” she said.  “You’re becoming obsessed.  Should I be worried?”

“Worried about what?”

“You starting something up with Gamzee.”

“It’s none of your damn business what I do!  I don’t meddle in your romantic life, do I?  Maybe I should, considering the recent string of events, but I don’t.  Butt out, Pyrope!”

“Blagh, I knew you were going to be difficult about it!”

“Looks like you were right!  Of course you were right.  Pyrope is always right, isn’t she?”

“What’s that have to do with anything?”

“Everything! Everything about you has to do with it!  I hate everything about you, Pyrope!  I could strangle you to death right now and not even care!”

“Save that for later,” Terezi replied with a smirk.  “We still have guests, and now that Tavros is gone, the animal half of those guests are probably going to be leaving soon.  That means Equius will be on his way.”

“Fuck you,” Vriska snapped, leaning against the wall and crossing her arms.

Chapter Text

Equius insisted his Ruffiannihilators pick their way around the beasts in the hallways as carefully as possible so as not to harm them, and by the time they had arrived at the dock, the pod was long gone. 

“Look who finally decided to show up!” Terezi jeered as they rambled in.  “Now we can really get this animal party started!”

“You tricked us,” Equius said.

“Nice deduction there.  We found ourselves a smart one!” Vriska sneered.

“It’s been a long time since we’ve entertained anyone smart,” Terezi said.  “Maybe we should keep them around for a while.”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking, Pyrope,” Vriska agreed, and they both pulled their weapons from their strife specibii.

“You will move aside,” Equius said.

“I don’t think we will,” Vriska replied.

“You are making a foolish mistake.”

“I’ve made worse, trust me.”

“It’s true, she has,” Terezi said, earning herself a sour glance from Vriska.

“So be it,” Equius said, and the Ruffiannihilators all dropped into fighting stances.

“Tell me, Equius, are you feeling lucky today?” Vriska asked with a smirk, preparing to roll her dice.

“Wait,” Terezi said, putting her hand over Vriska’s. 

“What?”

“Can you hear that?”

“Hear what? We’re kind of in the middle of something right now, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

“Listen.”

They all paused to listen, and in the distance they could hear a faint rumble.  It grew louder with alarming speed and there was a violent impact in the valley, rattling the ship and startling everyone inside.  The animals began to squawk and shriek, scrambling towards the nearest exits and leaving droppings in their wake.  “Why the fuck did Tavros leave all these animals on the damn ship?” Vriska snapped, narrowly avoiding a trampling by a small herd of bovine creatures.

“What in the name of the highblood rule was that?” Equius ask.

“Captain, another ship has landed,” one of his squad reported, looking out the gates that were still open from the pod’s escape.

“Is it the sea dweller?”

“It’s unmarked, sir.”

“Yes!  It’s Karkat,” Terezi said, hanging out of the ship and sniffing the air.

“The awful mutant?” Equius asked, grimacing.  “I was very specific in my instructions to both Aradia and Nepeta that they were not to get involved in this dispute.”

“Like I said, you really screwed up with that one,” Vriska said.

“No matter.  We have no reason to loiter.  We will leave before they make this already exasperating situation worse.”

“Hey, did I give you permission to leave, chump?” Vriska asked.

“Yeah, don’t leave yet.  The party just got started!” Terezi said.

“So you still wish to resolve this with violence.”

“You sure are smart!”

“Very well.  I—” he started, but he was cut short as the ship began to shift beneath their feet.  Everyone fell to the floor as it was lifted from the ground and flung through the air. It dropped unceremoniously beside the unmarked spaceship that had recently landed.  They all groaned, picking themselves up and rubbing their sore spots.  Voices could be heard from outside.

“—told you to be gentle with it!”

“Sorry.”

“Goddamn it, I hope we didn’t hurt anyone with that stunt.  It would look pretty fucking bad if we killed the people we were trying to rescue.”

“We don’t want to kill Equius either!”

“Equius is fine.  He likes it when I break things.”

“Whoa, okay, I’d rather string a wire through my hear ducts and floss the lobes of my think pan apart than listen to you talk about Equius’s weird kinks, so how about we never, ever mention any of them again, ever.  Does that sound good to everybody?”

“I’m with Kk on thith one, Aradia, your matethpritship ith fucking weird.”

“Excuse me, now that we are within a reasonable distance of our target, perhaps we should intervene?”

“Right.  Let’s do this.”

Aradia and Sollux appeared, floating through the open gates and landing between the two opposing groups of trolls.  “What’th with the animalth?” Sollux asked, looking around at the poor, disoriented creatures that hadn’t found the exits in time.  “And where the fuck ith the clown?”

“Gamzee and Tavros have already escaped,” Terezi said.  “Way to be late, doofus.”

“Fuck you, I zapped uth here ath fatht ath I could without sthtraight up frying my think pan down to it’th last tortured sthynapthe.”

“Sollux!” Karkat snapped from outside.

“What?”

“Open the fucking door!”

Sollux grumbled a few rude things beneath his breath, moving toward the control panel.  “It’s fine, Sollux, I got it,” Aradia said, and without missing a beat, she ripped off the mechanism that held the ramp closed, allowing it to drop heavily to the ground below.

“Damn, Aradia, are you trying to kill us?” Karkat asked, looking up the ramp, the end of which had landed a foot from where he was standing.  “Is there anything else you’re planning to drop on us, or is it safe for us to stop fearing for our lives?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about my ship, I don’t really care about it at all,” Vriska added.

“Sorry.”

“Aradia,” Equius said, and as she turned towards him, he pulled out a towel to wipe the sweat beading on his face, “do not listen to these repulsive vagabonds.  You may break whatever you please.”

“Thank you, Equius.”

“No, fuck that,” Karkat snapped, marching up the ramp.  “She’s not on your side, asshole.”

“Of course she’s on my side,” Equius said, regarding Karkat with contempt.  “She is my matesprit, after all.”

“She’th my moirail,” Sollux retorted.  “Lookth like we got a conflict of interetht.”

“Wait, what?” Karkat asked, turning to Sollux.  “Since when?”

“Oh my cod, Kk, you need to get with the timeth.”

“Did you know about this?” he asked, turning to Nepeta, who was waving enthusiastically at Equius.  She stopped and smiled sheepishly.

“Know about what?”

“Fuck, never mind.  Where’s Gamzee?”

“He’s already gone,” Terezi replied.  “He escaped with Tavros not too long ago.”

“Good,” Karkat said with triumph.  “Now all we have to do is stall these smelly nookstains long enough for them to get a safe distance away.”

“You will allow us to leave,” Equius said.

“Oh, fuck, I had no idea you were going to be so assertive!  We clearly have no choice.  Do you want a parting gift too?”

Equius scowled.  “I would not try my luck if I were in your position, pariah.”

“What are you going to do about it, fuckass?”

“Karkat, we shouldn’t—“ Nepeta started, but Equius spoke over her.

“Nepeta may not have told you this to maintain a semblance of peace—“

“Equius, don’t!”

“—but I have vowed to destroy you should our paths ever cross.”

“Oh, you have, have you?” Karkat asked, glancing at Nepeta.  “You know, it boggles my mind that of all the people on Alternia Nepeta could have chosen for her redrom quadrants, she chose the biggest asshole and the second biggest asshole.  The most astounding part of this whole situation is that, for once, I’m not the biggest asshole.”

“No,” Equius replied, “you are in fact something far worse.”

“Oh yeah?  What’s that?”

“The filth that flows through your veins places you on the same lowly level as the basest creatures in the galaxy, and as such you are below all common insults reserved for actual trolls.”

“Equius!” Nepeta said with a gasp, and Sollux whispered, “That’th fucking low, dude.”

“No, you know what?  Fuck that, and fuck you,” Karkat said, flushing.  “I have had it up to my nook with you and all the rest of the ass-licking scumbags who go around spewing this indoctrinated crap about the importance of blood color.  Who the fuck do you think you are?  You act all high and fucking mighty, walking around jacking your blue bulge and spilling all your blue genetic material around like it’s a gift to the fucking ground to have your particular shade of blue splattered across it, failing to realize that you’re literally the most horrible kind of repulsive imaginable.  Is there too much blue in your irises for you to see what a pile of stinking, steaming bullshit everything you represent really is?  The hemospectrum is the worst joke troll society has ever made on the hapless masses of its own species, and since the punchline is that most trolls get to lick dirt off the heels of highbloods, only the select few elite bastards who benefit from it actually think it’s funny.”

“Spare me the semantics of your silly revolution,” Equius said, brushing his retort away with a wave of the hand.

“It’s not silly!” Nepeta said.

“Nepeta, I will not begin this argument with you again.”

“Then don’t call it silly again!”

“It is silly.”

“It’s not!”

“It is.”

“It’s not, it’s not, it’s not!”

“Nepeta, we have already discussed this matter in excruciating detail.  This foolish criticism of Alternia’s ancient and noble social hierarchy is nothing more than the grumbling of a few discontented lowbloods who blame the social system for their own failures.  Yours is an insurrection for desperate dreamers who seek to expose imaginary flaws in a perfectly functional society in order to pretend that there is something resembling validity in their hopeless aspirations.”

“Don’t you get it, you heinous waste of rational potential?” Karkat shouted, stopping Nepeta before she could say anything else.  “You’re telling your own moirail that the insurrection she’s a part of is nothing more than a gossip club for a bunch of losers who can’t manage to do anything better with their lives!”

“Yes, that is exactly what I was just saying,” Equius said.

“Are you so brainwashed that you can’t see the suffering of your own goddamn moirail?  What about your fucking matesprit, you sleazy sweat fountain?  It’s about time someone schoolfed you the way things really work in this universe.  Your quadrant partners are lowbloods, and they’re not going to stop being lowbloods because they’re your fucking quadrant partners!  For some reason no one but you can understand, you’ve got this delusion that if Nepeta and Aradia achieve some sort of high moral standard that you’ve dictated to them, they’ll somehow rise above their social station, which isn’t going to happen.”

“Actually, this robot is blue blooded, so I have stopped being a lowblood,” Aradia said.

“Fuck no you haven’t!” Karkat snapped.  “You’re still the same damn person you were before this nookgobbler shoved your eternal ghost into that godawful body!  You didn’t stop being Aradia because he made you have blue blood.  You aren’t a product of your blood color, for fuck’s sake, so why is it even a fucking issue?  Tell me this, Equius, in short answer form, one or two words max, would you have accepted Aradia as your matesprit if she were still a rustblood?”

Equius stiffened, a film of sweat covering his exposed skin.

“Thank you, that’s all I needed to know,” Karkat sneered before Equius could decide on an answer.  “You judge your own matesprit on the color of her blood.  Who here thinks that’s right?  Does anyone in this goddamn ship think that’s a mindset that should be valued and praised?  Anyone at all?  Just raise your hand, don’t be shy.”

Everybody on the ship stayed silent, eyeing Karkat with mixed emotions.  Equius’s Ruffiannihilators looked between Karkat and Equius, and Equius turned his face away from everyone, particularly Aradia, with a scowl.

“You know why no one thinks that’s right, Equius?” Karkat asked.  “Because it’s not fucking right.  And you know what the saddest part of all this is?  If Aradia weren’t a ghost in a blue blooded robot and if Nepeta hadn’t hidden in a cave on Alternia for a sweep, they would both probably be working shit jobs wiping a highblood’s ass somewhere far away from you, unless, of course, it happened to be your pretentious ass they were wiping!  That’s if they managed to avoid slavery, which, who knows, could have been a real fucking possibility, especially for Aradia.  Since we’ve already established that if Aradia weren’t in a blue blooded robotic body she could kiss your matespritship goodbye, what would you have cared if just another rustblood you weren’t matesprits with ended up in chains?”

“I would have cared,” Equius interrupted.  “Even if she were still a rustblood.”

“Oh, you would have?  Color me surprised!  So you really do have it in your heart to care about the lowly and downtrodden.  One of them, at least.  But what about the rest of them?  What about the other hundreds of millions of trolls at the shitstick end of society suffering from conscription until death at the hands of all the proper, noble, dignified highbloods who have done nothing to deserve their privileges but exist?  What about Sollux, who just barely escaped a life in slavery? What about Tavros, whose problems I don't even need to explain? Why do they deserve any less than Aradia, and who the fuck are you to make that decision for them?

“Maybe you’re right about us.  Maybe we are a bunch of desperate dreamers who are discontent because the dreams we desperately dreamt didn’t work out for us.  I can list a few things I’d rather be doing than leading a rebellion that’s probably doomed for failure, that’s for damn sure.  But I can’t do those things because, like you said, I’m not even a troll in the eyes of the assholes running this mess.  I’d get killed if I tried to live my dreams, and I’m not the only one here.  Every one of us has suffered because of the hemospectrum.  Even you.”

Equius didn’t speak for a moment. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“I read the message you sent to Nepeta,” Karkat said.  “I know about your issues with Gamzee.”

“Karkat!” Nepeta said with a small squeak, grabbing his arm and tugging him towards her to whisper something into his ear.  He frowned and whispered something back, and, ignoring her pleading look, he turned again to Equius.

“Look, okay, I know it isn’t my place to talk about this,” he continued, and Equius eyed him from behind his shades, “but Nepeta was right.  Gamzee was wrong to treat you that way.  He mentioned something about it to me, too, once we started talking again, and from the few coherent thoughts he managed to throw together, I can tell he was huge ass.  You’re right to want the old Gamzee back.  I want the old Gamzee back.  But even though it sounds like he’s trying his damnedest to go back to being the way he used to be, he might already be too far gone for that.  The Subjugglators fucked him over hard, just like they did the rest of us.  You’d think, being at the higher end of the hemospectrum, the two of you would be above that sort of shameless abuse, but that just goes to show how deep this problem runs.  The Subjugglators are out of control, and they rip the fuck out of everything good and worthwhile.  You might worship the ground they walk on, but as for the rest of us, we’re sick of their shit.”

“But what can you do about it?” one of Equius’s Ruffiannihilators asked.  Equius frowned at her, and she shrunk back, but the rest of the Ruffiannihilators looked at Karkat expectantly.

“We’re still working on that,” Karkat admitted.

“It’s not possible,” Equius said.  “The hemospectrum is too deeply rooted in troll society.  It cannot be changed.”

“That’s not entiiiiiiiirely true,” Vriska interrupted with a dramatic drawl.  Everyone turned their attention to her.

“Since when did you care?” Karkat asked.

“Please, Karkat, I don’t have to care to figure out the solutions to your problems, especially when they’re practically handed to me.  I’m just smarter than you, and that’s all you need to know,” she replied, smirking.

“The fuck you are!” Karkat snapped.  “Why don’t you reveal this amazing solution you’ve concocted and let us decide how clever it makes you?  You could have told me earlier when we weren’t at the edge of an epic strife, but whatever.”

“Do you really want me to reveal my plans when there are enemies present?” she asked.  She glanced at Equius and his Ruffiannihilators, most of whom were watching her with interest.  “Unless, of course, they decide to stop being our enemies.”

The Ruffiannihilators shifted, glancing at each other and Equius.  One of them said, “My kismesis is a yellowblood.”

“I’m a yellowblood.”

“I paid to have my moirail taken out of slavery.”

They all looked at Equius, who tensed.  “Are you suggesting,” he began, sweat beading on his brow, “that we defy our conscription, expunge our ties to the highblood rule, and join with this lewd band of renegades on their absurd mission to destroy the fabric of society?”

“How about it, Equius?” Vriska asked.

“He won’t do it.  He can’t handle anarchy!” Terezi jeered.

He grew agitated.  “Anarchy...no, to even think of such a depraved state of affairs...” he said, pulling out a towel and wiping his forehead. “To corrupt the social order would be downright despicable.  I cannot even begin to fathom the chaos it could cause.  Lowbloods ruling over highbloods, caste boundaries blurred or completely destroyed, an absolute perversion of even the most elementary codes of decorum...it would lead to debauchery so loathsome, so odious, so exhilaratingly shameful...”

“He’s in,” Aradia answered for him.

Chapter Text

“You’re in?” Karkat asked, turning to Equius, who had pulled out a towel to wipe his face.  “Just like that?  It’s that fucking easy?”

“I...” he said, adjusting his glasses, “I  believe—but to contemplate the thought, it’s so deliriously repulsive...”

“He’s excited,” Aradia said.

“Excited?” Karkat repeated.

Equius turned to his squad.  “My loyal subordinates.”

“Sir!” they all chimed, saluting him.

“Forgive me,” he said.  “I have been seduced.  I am no longer fit to be your leader.”

“Sir, if you are seduced, then so are we!” the oliveblood announced on behalf of the squad.  “We are forever your loyal subordinates!”

“Yes...yes, of course. I should have expected as much. Your loyalty is peerless,” Equius said.  He turned to Karkat, and, after a brief internal battle, sweat streaming down his face, he declared, “To honor my mistreated quadrant partners, I humbly request your...permission...to join your silly insurrection.”

“You can’t join if you think it’s silly!” Nepeta said before Karkat could reply.

“Nepeta...”

“You have to say it like this!” she said, and, in mock imitation of Equius voice, continued, “‘Karkat, I know I have been a weirdo and a creep fur my whole life, but I have seen the error of my ways and now I know that your infurrection isn’t silly at all but is really a pawsitively wonderful idea!  Would you purrhaps forgive me for all the mean things I’ve said and allow me to follow you on your grreat and noble mission to unite all trolls everywhere in harmony?’”

“No."

“Yes!”

“No.”

“And you have to go down on your knees too!”

“Absolutely not.”

“Look, okay, stop,” Karkat interrupted, planting his hand over Nepeta’s face.  “I don’t give a flying fuck if you apologize, and I would honestly rather you not kneel and kiss my feet or whatever since it’s becoming clear to me that you get off on that sort of shit, which is disturbing in ways I can’t communicate but not entirely surprising based on what little gossip I’ve heard about your bizarre power kinks.”

“Power kinks?” Equius repeated, pulling out a fresh towel.

“Look, all of you are freakishly strong, right?”

“Yes, we are all quite strong,” Equius replied, and his Ruffiannihilators all struck poses.

“And you have access to the inside?”

“The inside?”

“Yeah, you know, the inside of the system.  The Subjugglators.”

“I suppose so.”

“Then you’re in.”

“Yay!” Nepeta shouted, throwing her hands up and bounding over to Equius.  “We’re not enemies anymore!”

“We were never enemies,” Equius said.  “We were merely in disagreement.  There is no issue so extreme it would make enemies out of us.”

“I know that,” she said, laughing.  “But it feels so much better when we agree!”

“Yes, it does,” he replied with a small smile.

“Great, the two estranged pale pals have been happily reunited,” Vriska said.  “Can we get back to business?  We have some very important scheming to do.”

“Yeah, let’s all stop being stupid and do some real work for a fucking change.  I know that’s hard for some of you asswipes, but if someone’s got something that could pass as an actual plan, I want to hear it.”  He turned to Vriska.  “Well?”

“Are you ready to have your mind blown, Vantas?” Vriska asked, smirking.

“If you manage to say anything even marginally rational, my mind will explode out my skull with the force of an atomic bomb."

“Great!  This plan isn’t just rational, it’s flawless,” Vriska said.  “Tell me this, great leader: who enforces the hemospectrum?”

“The Subjugglators.”

“Who gave the Subjugglators that power?”

“...The Condesce.”

“And who gave the Condesce that power?”

Everyone stared at her, confused.  Finally, Sollux said, “Gl'bgolyb.”

“That’s right!” Vriska said.  “You know what your problem has been all along, Karkat?  You’ve been targeting the wrong people.  Destroying the Subjugglators is pointless.  They’re nothing more than lackeys!  As long as the Condesce is at the top of the chain, calling the shots, there’s always going to be someone oppressing the lower classes.  It’s inevitable!  Unless, of course, you took away the Condesce’s power.”

“I don’t like where thith ith going,” Sollux interrupted.  “I can already tell that whatever lunatic sthceme you’re going to propothe will not end well for anyone.  Don’t lithten to her, Kk, she’th a harbinger of death and dithathter.”

“Everything’s a harbinger of death and disaster to you,” Karkat said.  “I’m pretty sure you’ve branded literally everything we’ve done in the past sweep a huge cataclysmic mistake for some reason or another.  And you people think I flip my shit too often.”

“I’m not flipping my sthit!  I mean, okay, sthometimeth I do make a big deal about thingth that aren’t a big deal, but that’th becauthe the voitheth have been getting louder and I can’t tell—“

“Oh god, can we not talk about your weird mutant brain and its voices?  Why do you even listen to that shit anyways?  Most sane people would consider it a bad idea to take advice from nearly-almost-dead-undead people chatting up their brains while they sleep.”

“Like I have a fucking choithe, bulgebreath, I—“

“Are you suggesting that we target the Condesce?” Kanaya interrupted, returning everyone’s attention to Vriska.

“Of course not!” she said.  “You’re missing the point.”

“Good, because she’s awesome,” Karkat said.  “We’re not trying to bring down the whole damn empire, got that?  Trollkind doesn’t need a new empress, it just needs a new social system.”

“The Condesce can still be empress,” Vriska said, “but like I said before, as long as she’s the sole entity calling the shots, the hemospectrum stays.  And as long as she has the power to kill off entire sections of the population, she’s the sole entity calling the shots!  If you want to get rid of the hemospectrum, you have to take away her power to kill off entire sections of the population.  You have to kill Gl'bgolyb.”

“Sthee, that’th what I wath talking about!  That’th a bad idea.  Doeth anyone elthe realithe what a bad idea that ith?” Sollux asked, looking around.

“I’m with Sollux,” Karkat said.  “How is killing the Condesce’s main source of power not bringing down the whole damn empire?  We want her to accept us as worthwhile subjects, not write us off as terrorists.”

“That’th not the fucking problem, Kk.  Gl'bgolyb ith dangerouth.  She’th a stheamonthter the sthize of a sthmall moon that can sthlaughter all of trollkind in sthecondth with a belch for fuck’th sthake!”

“You’re both right, of course,” Vriska said.  “But those problems are easy fixes.”

“Eathy fictheth?” Sollux repeated.  “How the hell ith that an eathy ficth?” 

“Listen for longer than two seconds and I’ll explain it to you!  If we kill the Condesce’s lusus, stripping her of her ultimate weapon, of course she’s going to think we’re a bunch of terrorists.  But if we uphold her right to the throne ourselves, she can’t just write us off!  We’ll prove our loyalty by becoming her new weapons.  Look, everyone wins: the Condesce is still in power, you get the recognition you deserve, and the hemospectrum is dismantled!”

“Not if we’re all dead,” Sollux said.

“We won’t die, because we have the ultimate weapon against the Condesce’s ultimate weapon.”

“What ultimate weapon?”

“Tavros.”

There was a beat of silence, during which everyone stared at Vriska with varying degrees of disbelief.

“Are you fucking serious?” Karkat finally said.  “Nitram?  He’s your ultimate weapon?  I don’t know whether to laugh or call it quits on this whole mess of bullshit and retire to Alternia where I can live out the rest of my days blissfully unaware of the collective stupidity plaguing this pathetic clusterfuck of morons.”

“Don’t blame the rest of us for Vrisker’s stupidity!” Nepeta said.

“You’re right, I shouldn’t punish the rest of you for one person’s rampant idiocy.  Goddamn, and that plan sounded like it had so much fucking promise!”

As they spoke, Terezi leaned over to Vriska and whispered, “Is this that thing you were going to tell me about?”

“Nice deductive skills, Pyrope,” she replied, smirking.  Addressing Karkat, she said, “If you give me a moment to explain, you’ll realize who the real idiots here are.”

“Okay, fine.  Whatever.  Shed some light on this mysterious new development.  If nothing else, it will provide us with a few moments of cynical amusement at your expense.”

“Do you know the story of the Summoner?”

“Yeah.  He led the last rebellion and was squashed by the Grand Highblood.”

“That’s right!  And you also know that because of him, no adult troll is allowed on Alternia.”

“Yeah, so?”

“Soooooooo, Tavros is his descendent!”

“So what?  That doesn’t automatically make him qualified to lead a rebellion.  It definitely doesn’t make him any sort of ultimate weapon, considering that the Summoner was decimated by the Subjugglators.”

“Do you know why the Summoner was dangerous?”

“Fuck if I know.  They burned all records of the revolution.  The only people who really know what happened are the live-long freaks at the upper end of the hemospectrum who existed at the time, and the rest of us get stupid little stories about troll Dr. Doolittle with wings.”

“All the records were burned?” Vriska asked, cocking an eyebrow.  “Man, if there’s anything anyone can say about Ampora, it’s that the guy’s passionate about history.”

“Ampora?” Karkat asked.  “Why the fuck were you talking to that raging douche?”

“Oh, him?” Vriska said.  “He wanted me to hand over the fugitives, but of course I told him no.”

“So, what, he just gave up and left?”

“Oh, fuck,” Vriska said, suddenly remembering Eridan.  “He was coming to help Equius take Tavros and Gamzee!”

“Ah yes,” Equius said, also remembering Eridan.  He turned to his oliveblooded mate and ordered, “Tell the sea dweller that we have successfully apprehended the fugitives and no longer require his assistance.”

The oliveblood pulled out a husktop and began typing.  A few seconds later, he received a reply, and he inhaled sharply.  “Sir,” he said, looking up at Equius.

“What is it?”

“The sea dweller claims that he’s apprehended the fugitives.”

A chorus of “Oh fuck!” resounded throughout the room, punctuated with a single “Goshdarn it!”

Chapter Text

“How the hell did he catch them?” Vriska demanded.

“He must have intercepted their pod,” Equius said.  Addressing the oliveblood, he commanded, “Inform him that we will be retrieving the fugitives shortly to return them to the Subjugglators.”

“Sir,” the oliveblood said after he had read Eridan’s response, “he is already en route to the mothership.  He claims to have sustained damage pacifying the highblood, and he thinks it unwise to attempt a transfer of custody.”

“Fuck,” Karkat said, pacing with jittery agitation.  “Fuck!  What are we going to do?  If we don’t help them, the Subjugglators are going to have both their asses culled the second they step onto their ship!”

“No, they won’t,” Terezi said, and everyone looked at her in surprise.  “The Grand Highblood practically worships Gamzee, and he has a weird obsession with Tavros’s wings.  He won’t kill them.”

“Wait, whaaaaaaaat?” Vriska asked.  “I thought they were going to kill Gamzee!”

“No, she is right,” Equius said, nodding.  “The most extreme punishment the highblood will incur is a half-hearted slap on the wrist and a time-out.  I cannot speak for the lowblood, however.”

“You lied to me!” Vriska said, glaring at Terezi.

“I never said anything about it one way or another,” she responded with a shrug.

“But you knew!  You sat there and listened to all my plans, knowing they were flawed and not saying a damn thing about it!”

“Well, captain, you’re always so full of yourself, I didn’t have the heart to correct you."

“You broke our truce, Pyrope!”

“All I did was go along with your plan!”

“What the fuck is this truce you keep talking about?” Karkat demanded, elbowing his way into their spat.  “You double-dealing asswipes have been planning something underhanded that runs contrary to the greater good, and I’m so fucking on to you.  It’s time you dropped all the cagey bullshit and revealed the devious plot everyone knows you’ve been hiding underneath your fake as fuck cooperative act!”

Vriska and Terezi sized each other up, silently assessing each other’s commitment to secrecy.  “This is a private matter,” Vriska finally said.

“No, fuck that!” Karkat said.  “Whatever the fuck you two are up to is driving me batshit up the fucking belfry and I’m done with it!  You can either reveal your secret agenda or kiss your participation in this rebellion goodbye.  We’re already up to our lobe stems in horseshit without the two of you going behind our backs doing who the fuck knows what.”

“What makes you think we care about your stupid rebellion?” Vriska said.  “I’m the one with a plan in this group!  Hell, the two of us could start our own rebellion, and we’d still be more successful than all of you numbskulls combined!”

“Did you forget Tavros, dummy?” Terezi cut in, grabbing her arm to get her attention.  “We don’t have the firepower to take out Eridan’s whole fleet, and unless you’ve thought of some way to sneak onto the Subjugglator’s ship to break him out from right under the Highblood’s nose, we’re pretty much screwed.”

“Yeah!” Karkat said with triumph.  “Is your secret plan worth sacrificing your pitiful flushcrush?”

“Butt out, Karkat!” Vriska snarled.  “Like you’re any better off than we are when it comes to rescue plans!”

“Fuck yeah we are.  Did you forget about our newly converted Ruffiannihilator squad?  They’d have no problem infiltrating the Subjugglator ship.”

“It’s true.  We could easily execute a covert rescue mission,” Equius confirmed.

Vriska looked between Karkat and Terezi.  “I bet you think you’re all so clever, cornering me like this!” she said, scowling.  “You can keep pushing me for information all you want, but you’re not going to like what you hear!”

“What was that?” Karkat asked.  “Was that the sound of a wounded ego understanding the sting of complete and thorough humiliation?  How's it taste to be publicly outsmarted?”

“You want to know what we’ve been planning?” she asked.  “Fine!  Your blackcrush and I have been planning your moirail’s death!  We were going to hand him over the Subjugglators, assuming they were going to cull him for being a gutless traitor!”

“You...wait, what?”

“That’s right!  That’s our truce.  I humor Pyrope and play along with your stupid rebellion, and she helps me kill Gamzee.  So that’s what we've been doing!  Ever since we hooked up, we've been trying to kill your deranged palepal.”

The entire room fell silent as Karkat gaped at Vriska.  The tension mounted as Karkat turned to Terezi, who was casually pretending to be preoccupied with something in the opposite direction.  “This was what all that bullshit about maintaining our auspisticism was about?” he asked.  “You were helping this psychopath plan the murder of my fucking moirail?”

“From the very beginning!” Vriska answered for Terezi as she continued to avoid a direct confrontation.  “This was always the plan.”

“But you knew they weren’t going to kill him,” Karkat said, his mind working rapidly to rationalize Terezi’s intent.  “It was all a ruse.  You knew he wasn’t going to actually die.”

“If he didn’t die now, he was going to die later!” Vriska said.  “It’s our truce.  I’m going to kill the clown, and she’s going to help me.”

“Shut the fuck up and let her talk for herself!” Karkat shouted at Vriska, and he strode over to Terezi and grabbed her arm, turning her to face him.  “Are you or are you not going to help this raving lunatic kill Gamzee?”

“She’s telling the truth, Karkat,” Terezi finally said, yanking her arm free.  “It’s our truce.”

“So break the truce!” he said.  “How could you do this?”

“Karkat,” Kanaya said, sliding between them, “please, you need to calm down.  Gamzee is not dead.  This situation, though certainly shocking and hurtful, can still be fixed.”

“Listen to your auspistice!” Vriska taunted.  “Man, it sure is a good thing you two already had a fake auspisticism, or this could have gotten out of hand!  I was getting a little jealous there for a moment.”

“Stay the fuck out of this!” Karkat snarled, and Terezi simultaneously snapped, “Would you shut up?  This isn’t about you!”

“Fine!” Vriska said, putting her hands up in mock surrender.  “But maybe you should take your ashen spat somewhere private.  It’s not like the rest of us want to sit and watch you air your dirty laundry!”

“She’s right,” Kanaya said, before either Karkat or Terezi could respond.  “It would be best to work this out later.  There are more critical matters to address.”

Karkat eyed Terezi a second longer before conceding, “Yeah, okay, you’re right.  We have to run our asses to the other side of the galaxy to save my moirail from whatever psychological torture the Grand Fuckface has planned for him.” Throwing a cold glance at Vriska, he added, “In case it wasn’t clear from the unnecessary emphasis I placed on the word ‘we’ in that last sentence, you two are not coming with us.”

“Like hell we’re not!” Vriska said, flaring up.

“Why the fuck do you think I would let you anywhere near him now?” Karkat asked.  “Consider yourself permanently banned from associating with Gamzee!  I’m throwing a restricting order down on both of you, and if you go within one hundred feet of his painted clown ass, I’m going to maroon you both on barren moons at opposite ends of the galaxy.”

“Karkat!” Terezi said, smacking him in the leg with her walking stick to get his attention.  “Have you forgotten something?  My moirail is there, too, and he’s in a lot more trouble than yours is!  We have as much right to go as you do!”

“Yeah!” Vriska said.

“Actually,” Equius said as Karkat opened his mouth to retort, “it would be best if none of you went.”

“I agree with Equius,” Kanaya said.  “There are far too many conflicting emotions among you for you to be performing any sort of rescue missions together.”

“Then make them stay!” Karkat snapped, pointing at Terezi.

“I’m not going to make them do anything,” Kanaya said.  “I simply believe it would be inadvisable for anyone as agitated as you are to sneak onto the Subjugglator mothership.”

“I’m not fucking agitated!” Karkat shouted.  “I can sneak onto the Subjugglator mothership just fine, thank you very much!”

“Um, Karkat?” Nepeta interrupted, slinking up next to him.  “Maybe Kanaya’s right...you do seem a little agitated.  Maybe we should let Equius take care of it.”

“It’s not a matter of emotion,” Equius said.  “We cannot have a mutant-blooded rogue and a pair of pirates on our ship if we’re planning any undercover missions.  You would give us away instantly.”

“That—!” Karkat started, but after thinking a second, he changed his mind.  “Okay, yeah, that makes sense,” he admitted.  “So what the fuck are we supposed to do?  Hang around and twiddle our thumbs like a bunch of useless loafers?”

“You could do that,” Vriska said, “oooooooor you could go back to Alternia and finally do something worthwhile with this idiotic rebellion.”

“Please tell me you’re not still going on about your laughable plot to kill the most terrifying sea monster in the history of the universe with an ex-cripple cry-baby.”

“That’s exactly what I’m going on about!” Vriska said.  “Let me spell it out for you since you clearly can’t figure it out for yourself: Tavros, like the Summoner, has the ability to commune with beasts, and he’s pretty damn good at it, too!  All he has to do is coax Gl'bgolyb out of the water, and we can kill her.  If we’re quiet about it, she’ll be dead before anyone knows we’re a threat!  It’s quick, easy, and painless.”

“Unleth she sthtartth making noithe, and then we’ll all be bleeding out of our hear ductth,” Sollux grumbled, but Karkat glared at her, turning over the simple plan in his mind with diminishing skepticism.

"How do you expect us to believe that he can handle something like that?" he asked.

“He can!” Vriska said.  “According to Ampora, the Summoner almost had her out of the water before the Grand Highblood killed him.  Tavros might be an ex-cripple cry-baby, but no one can deny that he inherited his ancestor’s talent at communion.”

“It’s true.  He kicked my ass at Fiduspawn,” Terezi said.

“This isn’t some game,” Karkat said.  “There’s a pretty fucking big difference between Fiduspawn and the Speaker of the Vast Glub.  You really expect me to believe that Nitram, whose self-confidence is so non-existent he has to rely on a make-believe imaginary friend to remind him to have a backbone, can be trusted to pacify the Condesce’s lusus?”

“Tavros got rid of his loser imaginary friend a long time ago,” Vriska replied.

“Yeah, because he grew so hopeless his imaginary friend fake died,” Terezi said.

“Oh my god,” Karkat said with a groan.  “This just keeps getting better.”

“Let’s not worry about this for now,” Kanaya said, putting a hand on Karkat’s shoulder.  “We will have plenty of time to figure it out later.  What’s important is that we save Gamzee and Tavros before something terrible happens to them.  Particularly Tavros.”

“Yeah!  The Highblood isn’t going to wait for us to stop bitching to start torturing his victims,” Terezi said.

Karkat growled in frustration but consented. “You’re right.  We can figure out all this melodramatic bullshit later.  Let’s put together this rescue mission.”

Chapter Text

“I don’t like this plan,” Karkat said.

“Karcat, it’ll be okay,” Nepeta said, taking his hand and brushing her thumb against his knuckles.  “I’ll be careful, I purromise!”

“No, fuck that!” he snapped, pulling his hand away and crossing his arms.  “Why do you get to go sneak onto the Subjugglator ship but I have to stay behind?”

“Because I’m Equius’s meowrail!  And I’m small, so I can sneak around really easily.”

“I’m small, too!”

“And loud,” Terezi inserted.

“Nepeta has been seen with me before,” Equius said before Karkat could retaliate.  “As has Aradia.  Their presence on my ship will not be questioned.”

“But why do you even need them?”

“I believe we’ve already explained this to you multiple times,” Equius said.

“Explain it again!”

“A number of Ruffiannihilators may walk freely around the prisoner’s block without attracting any strange looks, but it would be unusual for trolls of our station to be found on the slave deck.  That section of the slave deck in particular is frequented only by the influential trolls onboard who can afford such a lewd, hedonistic hobby.  The rescue mission would run more smoothly if Nepeta and Aradia snuck onto the slave deck and retrieved the lowblood while my squad and I concerned ourselves with the highblood.”

“But—!” Karkat started, but, finding nothing to say, he released a loud, frustrated groan and buried his face in his hands.

“Karkat, don’t worry!  It’ll be okay.  We’ll get Gamzee and Tavros out just fine, and we’ll be extra careful just fur you!” Nepeta said, patting him on the shoulder.  “We’ll all meet up on Alternia, and then we can decide whether or not Vrisker’s plan is crazy enough to try.  It’ll all work out purrfectly, you’ll see!”

“I don’t like this plan,” he repeated.

“Well, intrepid leader, you have a choice to make,” Terezi said.  “You can either do what’s best for your moirail, or you can do something else.  Take your pick!”

“Shut up, like you even care what happens to my moirail!” Karkat snapped.

“Karkat, please,” Kanaya said, “you’re not the only one with stakes in this mission.  Terezi is concerned about her moirail as well.”

“Yeah!” Terezi said.

“That’s all fine and fucking dandy, but I don’t see your matesprit jumping into the line of fire,” Karkat said.

“I don’t have a matesprit, stupid!”

“Aradia’th going, and I’m not flipping my shit about it,” Sollux said.

“Aradia’s already dead!”

“I am already dead,” Aradia said.

“Karkat, it’s fine!” Nepeta insisted.  “I’ll just sneak through the vents, find Tavros, and sneak out!  It’ll be easy, and I defurnitely won’t get caught.”

“I know, okay?” he snapped.  “I got it.  I just don’t fucking like it!”

“Them’s the breaks,” Vriska said, rolling her eye.  “So are we done with the plan making now?  Can we get this show on the road?”

“Yeah.  Sure.  Whatever,” Karkat said.  “Go get on the ship.  And if you so much as mumble a syllable of complaint about anything, anything at all, we’re throwing you overboard.  Everyone knows your shitty hunk of tin was better than our shitty hunk of tin before a bunch of Ruffiannihilators and a destructive ghost robot decided to beat the piss out of it, but nobody wants to hear you bitching and moaning through the hallways about your imaginary bad luck.  And for fuck’s sake, you’re not the goddamn captain of anyone’s vessel but your own, so take a step back and let me run things my way.  Nepeta, I want to talk to you for a second.”

“Man, he really has the stick shoved far up his nook this time,” Vriska commented to Terezi as Karkat sulked away with Nepeta.  “This trip to Alternia is going to suuuuuuuck!”

“Oh gosh, I can’t imagine why,” Terezi said.

“Are you talking about the Gamzee thing?  He was going to find out one way or another!” Vriska said, shrugging.  “But damn, I was really hoping it wouldn’t be until after we killed him.  Now we have to worry about keeping him out of our way.  We can’t catch a break!”

“Nope, looks like all the breaks are eluding us.”

“Looks like it!  We got so many new irons in the fire, it’s ridiculous!”

“Oh god, how many irons do we have in the fire now?”

“Who knows?  This web we’re weaving is getting more tangled by the minute!  But there are a few promising prospects in the mix.  We have to start scheming right away.”

“May I have a word before you sneak off to cause more trouble?” Kanaya asked, slipping in behind them.

“Knock yourself out,” Vriska said.  “Come find me when you’re done, Pyrope.”

“I meant with you.”

“Me?” Vriska asked, pausing.

“Yes, you.”

“Why do you want to talk to me?  I thought you hated me forever now.”

“I do not hate you,” Kanaya said, sighing.  “Honestly, I would prefer that we put the past behind us entirely.  I do, however, have a few questions to ask you about your truce.”

“Here we go.  Fussyfangs is back in action!”

“Indeed,” Kanaya said with a small grimace.  “Terezi, would you give us a moment, please?  I have some unsolicited meddling to attend to, and then I will be by to meddle in your affairs as well, as is expected of me as the resident meddler.”

“Sure thing!” Terezi said, snickering as she sauntered off.

“Are you going to tell me off for going behind everyone’s back to plan my revenge?” Vriska said with a sneer.

“Well, yes.  I suppose some chastisement is in order.”

“You ‘suppose?’  What’s that supposed to mean?  Isn’t that why you’re talking to me?  Don’t you want to lecture me?  Aren’t I dangerous?”

“Yes, of course you are.  But that’s no longer my business.  I am not your moirail, and I already have an ashen relationship to mediate.  I would simply like to address the issue as a biased onlooker.  And I may also be somewhat curious about the nature of this truce and its implications.”

“Oh,” Vriska said, barely concealing her disappointment.  “Okay, fine.  Say what you gotta say, then, but I should warn you now that nothing you say is going to change my mind!”

“I know,” Kanaya said.  “First, tell me, what are the exact conditions of your truce with Terezi, and how do you intend to fulfill them?”

“Man, you always ask the hard questions, don’t you?” Vriska said with a groan.  “It’s just like I said!  I play along with Pyrope’s justice shtick, and she helps me kill Gamzee.  That’s it!  But obviously we’ve been having some difficulty accomplishing that last bit.  I thought we were close when we had him here, but then Pyrope had to be a double-dealing bitch.  I guess it’s back to the drawing board.  So to answer the second half the question...I don’t know yet.”

“I see.”

“What’s the deal, fussyfangs?  That can’t be all you want to ask.”

Kanaya sighed.  “No, it’s not.  But I realize better than most that you won’t be dissuaded from this course of action.  And I’m not entirely sure you should be.”

“Wait, what?  You agree with me?”

“I did not say that,” Kanaya replied.  “This is a complicated matter, though I’m sure you will only consider the situation in the most egomaniacal manner possible.  While I do believe Gamzee may deserve whatever you have planned for him, there is a delicate balance to be upheld in our already precariously allied band of freedom fighters.  That is a concern of mine.”

“Well, it’s not a concern of mine!”

“If I’m not mistaken, based on what you’ve just told me about the nature of your truce, it is.  You owe Terezi your cooperation in return for hers, correct?  If your untimely revenge causes complications in our rebellion, you would be breaking your end of the truce.  Or am I wrong?”

Vriska thought about it for a moment and frowned.  “Okay, let’s say you are right.  What’s your point?  You sound like you have something else you want to say about that!”

“I have a lot of things I’d like to say to you,” Kanaya said.  “But as I’ve said before, I already have an ashen relationship to mediate.  I cannot allow myself to get mixed up in your affairs with Terezi, and I certainly don’t want to get involved in your issues with Gamzee.”

“Don’t lie!  I know this thing with Gamzee is driving you crazy.  Why else would you bring it up?” Vriska said with a cocky smirk.

“I would say that’s not true, but it’s not entirely false,” she admitted.  “It is a little disconcerting how easily this conflict could escalate, but regardless, I would prefer to stay out of it.  Especially now that you’ve given me a real reason to auspisticize Karkat and Terezi.”

“Come on, fussyfangs, we both know they don’t hate each other enough to cause any real drama.  They probably don’t even need you!”

Kanaya’s eyes narrowed with irritation.  “Be that as it may, I’ve already committed to the relationship,” she said.  “It is far less thankless than an auspisticism between you and Gamzee would be, in any case.  I can already imagine how horribly such a relationship would unfold.  I don’t believe anything I could do or say would prevent either of you from killing the other.”

“Probably not,” Vriska agreed.

“I will simply suggest that you discuss the matter in detail with Terezi, and my advice would be to wait until after we kill the Condesce’s lusus to deal with Gamzee.”

“So you’re in on that plan?” Vriska asked with excitement.

“It sounded reasonable to me,” she said with a shrug.  “Although it does promise to be a perilous undertaking for Tavros.”  She snuck a glance at Vriska, judging her reaction.

“He’ll be fine!” Vriska responded, waving the idea away.  “We’ll be around to help, so what could possibly go wrong?”

“You’re right.  Anything could happen,” Kanaya said with a hint of irony.

“Relax!  Man, you think you’d have calmed down a bit, now that you don’t have to take care of me!  Jeez, so uptight.”

“Yes, well.  That’s all I had to say to you.”

“Okay, fine.  It was nice talking to you again, fussyfangs.”

Vriska turned to walk away, and Kanaya watched her go, feeling something twist in her stomach.  Knowing she would regret it later, she called to Vriska, biting her lip as Vriska turned to look at her.  “I’m just curious...” she began, and after a brief pause, she continued, “...about you and Tavros...”

A dark look passed across Vriska face, and she scowled.  “Haven’t you heard?” she said.  “Tavros is Gamzee’s matesprit.”

“Ah.  That was what I was afraid of,” Kanaya said, but the knot in her gut loosened slightly.

“Yeah,” Vriska said before turning and continuing on her path to their ship.  Kanaya sighed and started after her.

Chapter Text

“What have you to say for yourself?” the Grand Highblood asked, watching Gamzee from outside his small prison cell.

“Not a motherfucking thing,” Gamzee said with a growl, refusing to make eye contact.

“You are not such a mother fuckin’ fool that you would think this rude mischief of yours would go unpunished,” the Highblood said.

“What punishment you got for me isn’t a motherfucking thing I got to be getting my concern on about.”

The Highblood was silent for a moment. “It is a mother fuckin’ pity that you wish so badly to join the mirthless heretics against our righteous mission, my brother,” he said.

“It’s you what I’m joining up with my brothers against,” Gamzee said.  “I got no reason to be wasting up all my motherfucking time throwing back the bullshit you crack open with your blasphemous motherfucking prophesies. I know in my motherfuckin' heart that what all you say is going to happen won't be happening, so don't you starting feeding me your lines.”

“If it were not for that profane lowblood you’ve attached your holy self to, you would not be so mother fuckin’ skeptical of your own mother fuckin’ calling.”

“Good motherfucking thing you kept him around, motherfucker, or I would have up and lost my true self to your motherfucking lies a long ass time ago.”

“Does the lowblood mean so mother fuckin’ much to you that you would deny your mother fuckin’ birthright to have him?” the Highblood asked. "You are more a fool than I believed you to be."

Gamzee laughed, a sinister grin spreading across his face.  “The motherfucking fool of us isn’t me, brother,” he said.  “All you bitches don’t know the motherfucking meaning of those pretty motherfucking words you be all chirping like pious motherfucking birds without no motherfucking brains.  All this time you been acting like you knew, but you never motherfucking did.  You think having him is throwing away me?  No, brother.  That’s not the way things are.  Do you hear what I’m saying at your motherfucking hear ducts?  Do you hear me, bitch?  You got no truths like what you say you do.  But me, I got the motherfucking truths straightened out like how they really are.  I got them nice and straight like none of you motherfuckers do.”

“Is that so?” the Highblood asked.

“Fuck yeah, motherfucker.  I got schoolfed on a lot of motherfucking facts what you never told me.  It was always you, brother.  It was always you what was telling me who all I was meant to be, and it was always you keeping the real path to my destiny away from me.  I know now, motherfucker.  I know what you yourself couldn’t get your wise motherfucking think pan wrapped all around.”

“What would that be, brother?”

“The loose-lipped motherfucker what brought us here been telling me all sorts of wicked facts how all this motherfucking bloodcircus gets its shit kicked.”

“What facts?”

“Facts like who Tavros really is.  You never said all that motherfucking much about his bitchtits wicked heritage.  But I know now.  I know now how all his destiny is meant to get kicked.  I know now why me and him are meant to be for each other.  It’s us, motherfucker.  Me and him.  Him and me.  It’s us what’s going to bring up the Vast Honk.  It's us what are going to destroy this fake shit illusion and lead trollkind into the new motherfuckin' universe. Your prophesies never meant a damn thing but what the two of us are meant to do. There ain't no mirthful messiahs. All there is are the two of us, me with my wicked rage and him with his wicked powers. We’re going to bring up a paradise like what this blasphemous universe has never dreamt up in its wildest motherfucking dreams.  Across the galaxy special stardust will rain from the heavens onto all the little fucking planets what keep all of trollkind.  In this motherfucker, we are the working mirthful messiahs.  The two of us are as good as it's gonna get.”

“You are the mirthful messiahs?” the Highblood repeated, his eyes narrowing.  “You and that contemptible mother fucking slave who exists for no reason but to sate the pleasure of his mother fucking superiors?”

“Fuck yeah.”

“I see,” he murmured.  “The mother fucker has corrupted you beyond what I feared.”

“No, brother,” Gamzee said, a deranged curl twisting at the corners of his grin.  “It’s like what you always been saying at me.  He was always meant for me.  We were always meant for each other.  It’s mother fucking destiny, mother fucker.”

“He was meant to fill your mother fuckin’ pails, brother,” the Highblood said, the volume of his voice escalating.  “No messiah of our mirthful mother fuckin’ faith could be so pathetic as what that lowly scum is.  What you are spewing is blasphemy, brother!”

“There are no messiahs but us in this motherfuckin' universe, bitch. Let’s see who all is the mother fucking blasphemer when me and my bro be heralding in the new Shangri Lol, filling the land up with laughter and faygo!” Gamzee said with glee.  “Things won’t be the same as what they are now, mother fucker.  There won’t be no more need for you and your mother fucking faith lies!  And I know where all you and your kind are gonna find yourself in our new paradise.  There’s no room for heretics in the new world!”

“You’re mother fucking right, brother,” the Grand Highblood said.  “There is no room for heretics in this wicked bloodcircus!  It’s a good mother fuckin’ thing for you, then, that some heresy can be corrected.”

Without another word, he turned and left the prison block.  With an intensity of purpose, he made his way through the hallways, parting the crowds with his presence.  He ignored the slaves scrambling to show him proper reverence as he strutted through the slave block, and shortly, he arrived at his destination.

Tavros glanced up as he entered, but he dropped his eyes when he saw who had come, growing tense with dread.  The Grand Highblood didn’t say anything as he closed the door of the cell behind him with a rasping clank, and he remained silent as sauntered over to the padded slab that served as Tavros’s bed.  Tavros knew better than to move away, so he sat quietly, tracing with his eyes the pictures the Highblood had drawn on the wall with his blood a long time ago.

The Highblood stopped in front of him and let his fingers snake into Tavros’s mohawk, gently pulling his head back.  “You cut your hair,” he said.  Tavros didn’t reply.  “Look at me, motherfucker.”

Tavros’s eyes flickered up to his.  The horror of his gaze shuddered down Tavros’s body and turned the organs in his gut.  The Highblood stared down at him for a long time, boring into him with his eyes until Tavros was sick with the pressure.  “I’m going to kill you,” he finally murmured.

Tavros didn’t reply, but the Highblood could see the fear explode in his eyes.  His terror quivered through his body, so tangible that the Highblood could feel it in the hair he held gripped in his fist.  He stared at him for a while longer and said, “No.  I’ve changed my mind.”  Tavros’s relief was as tangible as his fear, and the Highblood smirked.  “Thank me, mother fucker.”

After a few pathetic attempts to make noise come out of his mouth, Tavros finally stuttered, “Th-thank you.”

“Good,” the Highblood said.  He paused for a second before saying, “This feels pretty mother fucking familiar, doesn’t it, bitch?  Tell me something.  Who’s the mother fucker who’s always sparing your worthless mother fucking life, even when you don’t deserve it?”  Tavros swallowed but remained silent, so the Highblood tightened his grip.  “Answer me.”

“Y-you,” he stammered.

“Yes,” the Highblood said.  He raised his other hand to run his thumb along Tavros’s jaw, whisking away a line of cold sweat.  “You know you deserve to die, don’t you, pet?  I have scores of prostrate bitches at my feet every mother fuckin’ day begging for the gift I impart unto you willingly.  And how do you repay me?  You are ungrateful filth, unworthy of my kindness.  Aren’t you?”

Tavros, struggling to resist the urge to close his eyes and break their horrific connection, said, “Yes.”

“You are not even funny.  You disgust me.  Yet of all the unfunny bitches what come before my painted throne, you survive.  Thank me.”

“Thank you.”

“I am too kind to you.  Do you realize how mother fucking kind I am?  Tell me.”

“You’re kind.”

“How am I kind?”  Tavros stared up at him, scrambling mentally to put together some flattery to appease him, and the Highblood exhaled impatiently.  “Don’t you know who is the motherfucker that fed and clothed you?”

“It was...you.”

“And which motherfucker was it who gave you your legs back?”  He traced the vein of Tavros’s neck with the back of his fingers.

“It was you.”

“Yes.  It was me.  All of it, mother fuckin’ me.  And this is my reward.  You run away and corrupt my protégé with your sickening lies. Tell me, who is it that’s been taking care of you all this time?”

Tavros hesitated, and, closing his eyes to break the trance, his lips quivering, he whispered something.

“Speak up.”

“G-gamzee.”

The sound of the slap resonated throughout the cell, but the Highblood kept a firm grip on his hair.  He yanked his head back.  “You’ll never be seeing the blasphemous mother fucker again, you thankless slut, so you best stop that disobedient mother fucking noise.”  Tavros eyes widened, and a sadistic smirk tugged at the corner of the Highblood’s mouth.  “Now, who owns you?  Answer the mother fucking question.”

Tavros swallowed the dryness in his mouth and said, “You do.”

“That’s right,” the Highblood said.  Cruel triumph twinkled in his eyes.  He took Tavros’s chin between his forefinger and thumb, and, leaning down, brushed his lips gently against his forehead.  “I’m not going to kill you, pet.  But don’t worry.  I’ll make mother fuckin’ sure that you won’t be leaving here again.”

He chuckled softly, and Tavros began to shiver.

Chapter Text

Sollux stared at his screen for a couple minutes before closing his husktop. He sighed and announced to the room, “We’re fucked.”

“You are,” Vriska answered. “We’re not.” Sollux noticed with disappointment that she was the only other person in the bridge.

“Shove it up your nook,” he grumbled, hauling himself to his feet and trudging out of the room.

He stalked down the empty hallways, making his way towards his respiteblock, but as he neared the residential quarters, he heard voices. He paused, identifying the speakers and registering their tone. It was Karkat talking, and he was clearly upset about something. Kanaya was murmuring occasionally in affirmation and support. As Sollux listened, they both fell silent, and he couldn’t contain his curiosity. Slowly, he slunk to the end of the hallway and peeked around the corner.

“...So that’s it, then,” Karkat said.

“Yes,” Kanaya replied with a sigh. “It seems that way.”

“But why?” Karkat exploded. “I just can’t fucking understand what any of this is about! Why can’t she just, I don’t know, not?”

“She explained it to me, but I’m afraid I didn’t really understand it well enough to explain it myself. I hate to say it, but I think they’re a step ahead of the rest of us. At least, Terezi is.”

“That’s bullshit!” Karkat snapped. “I’m sick of their evasive, underhanded little games. If you’re going to call off our auspisticism for anyone, it should be for her and Vriska, not for Vriska and Gamzee! They do more damage with their psycho-bitch relationship than any other single force in the universe that I’ve seen so far, and that’s saying a fucking lot, considering how close we got to that supernova that one time.”

“We really weren’t that close to it, actually. It was probably several solar systems away.”

“Okay, that doesn’t really matter right now.”

“No, it doesn’t, but I thought I’d just say so. About Vriska and Terezi’s relationship, however...I’m not sure it would do much good for me to get involved. Vriska is difficult enough to deal with, but when Terezi becomes a factor, the two of them are almost impossible. Just look at the intricacy of the issue we’re facing—I would be at a complete lost if I attempted to get involved.”

“Anyone would!” Karkat said. “I mean, holy bulge-grabbing fuck.”

“All we need to know, according to Terezi, is that Vriska’s conflict with Gamzee is necessary to prevent either of them from seizing too much power and establishing themselves as figures of extreme authority after the death of Feferi’s lusus.”

“Okay, I get why she’s nervous about Vriska, because anyone with a think pan could see her ulterior motives in this whole scheme from miles away, but why are we supposed to be worried about Gamzee? From what I heard, all he wants to do is hang out with Tavros and pretend everything’s perfect.”

“I don’t know what evidence she has to support the claim that Gamzee may become power hungry in the aftermath of our coup, but to be honest, I’m more inclined to trust her than doubt her.”

“And what’s your role in all this supposed to be? I mean, why can’t someone else be their auspistice? Why can’t Terezi call off their kismesissitude and auspisticize them herself if she’s so fucking concerned?”

“Karkat,” Kanaya said, “I understand that you’re upset, but we really should take into account Terezi’s emotions. I’m sure she doesn’t want to break up with Vriska. Besides, I believe the situation would spiral out of control if she were to get involved in that manner, especially since her truce with Vriska greatly influences Vriska’s behavior, usually for the benefit of general society. She’s too black for Vriska to auspisticize effectively, and...it seems as though she doesn’t care much for Gamzee, either.”

“Wait, what’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’m not going to discuss with you the things Terezi told me in confidence,” Kanaya said.

“But you’re our auspistice! It’s your job to—“

“No, Karkat.”

“...Fine. I see how it is.”

Kanaya sighed. “On top of all of those things, if they weren’t enough, Terezi seems to believe that a successful auspistice between Vriska and Gamzee would involve using Tavros as an emotional fulcrum, and, as his moirail, she doesn’t seem comfortable going so far.”

“Are you?”

“Well...from what I’ve gathered, Tavros has been through a lot since conscription, and I do feel rather bad using him. But if Terezi believes that the conflict created by Vriska’s and Gamzee’s affections for Tavros is enough to prevent them from taking over the empire or killing each other, I believe her, and I will place the greater good first.”

“What the fuck is wrong with our group of friends?” Karkat asked with a groan. “Have we always been this unbelievably dysfunctional, or is this all just a product of carelessness and stupidity?”

“Romantic tension is a powerful thing, Karkat,” Kanaya said.

“Yeah...I know,” he said. They fell silent, and after a moment, Karkat repeated, “So that’s really it.”

“I’m sorry,” Kanaya said. “I know how much it mattered to you.”

Karkat exhaled slowly and announced, “It’s my fault. All of this bullshit. It’s all my fault.”

“No,” Kanaya said, “don’t blame—“

“I ran away,” he insisted. “I ran away from everything. If I hadn’t run, I would have been there for Gamzee. I could have helped him keep his head through the whole Subjugglator mindfuck and prevented all of this from happening.”

“You would have been killed if you hadn’t fled conscription.”

“It doesn’t matter! Even the way things are now, this is still my fault. I’m the one leading this rebellion. I dragged everyone into it, and then I made the stupid mistake of letting Gamzee in, despite everyone’s objections. Now who the hell knows what’s going to happen?”

“Well...” Kanaya said, “he is your moirail, after all. No one can blame you for that, just like no one can blame Terezi for holding onto her kismesissitude.”

“And there’s another thing!” Karkat said. “Terezi. Terezi, Terezi, Terezi! And not even just Terezi! I routinely underestimate the complexity of the romantic conflicts that abound in our small group of friends, and it’s constantly biting me in the ass. You know, I used to think that getting off Alternia and transitioning into a proper adulthood would better equip me to deal with real-life romance, but I have done nothing but fuck up since. The only reason I have a matesprit is because I was literally forced to associate with someone who’s stupidly devoted to me for no goddamn reason at all until I got it in my head that she’s what I actually need, and even that took a fucking sweep for me to comprehend. I’m clearly not even a fraction as competent as I lead everyone to believe! I have four goddamn quadrants, but no matter how much I try, I can’t seem to keep that one specific person I’ve always wanted in any of them. I’m an idiot. I’m literally a bona fide imbecile.”

Kanaya sighed. After a moment of thick silence, she said, “Let me tell you something.”

“Is it about how I’m an idiot, because I already know that.”

“No, it’s about who you are. Or rather, from whom you are.”

“What’s that even mean?” he asked, but he gave her his attention nonetheless.

“The Signless, Karkat. Do you know about him?”

“You mean that ancient cult nobody really gives a shit about anymore?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I mean,” Kanaya said, nodding. “Very few trolls besides those that work in the brooding caverns, meaning jade-bloods like myself, know much about him, and the only reason we know is because a loyal disciple of his wrote down his teachings on the walls deep in the bowels of Alternia. The Signless preached against the evils of the hemospectrum long before the Summoner ever took flight. He was a seer and an insurgent whose visions sparked one of the first rebellions against the powers that subjugate the lower classes. And he was a mutant-blood, like you.”

“And he was probably caught and killed, right?” Karkat asked. “Nepeta already tried the inspirational troll revolutionary approach on me once, but just so you know, if they’re failures, it’s really not all that inspirational.”

“No, Karkat, that’s not my point,” Kanaya said. “Allow me to finish. The followers of the Signless knew that one day his descendant would rise and continue his work, as descendants are fated to do. They arranged for the Second Signless to have a lusus, when before he would have been abandoned to die, and a sign, which was inspired by the shape of the irons that were used to martyr the Signless. They put safeguards into place to ensure that he could survive into adulthood, despite his blood. And do you know what happened?”

Karkat eyed her but didn’t reply.

“You were hatched,” Kanaya answered for him. “I was not there when you were fighting through the caverns, but I know that the jade-bloods that were there helped you through. They knew who you were, Karkat.”

“What are you trying to say?” he finally asked.

“Do you know what the other name for the Signless was?”

“...No.”

“The Sufferer.” She let the title sink in, and then continued, “When he died, his anger was unequaled. They call his last sermon the Vast Explicative. His friends were exiled and enslaved. Everything he loved was lost.”

“Wow, okay, I sure am inspired now,” Karkat said.

“Let me finish,” Kanaya said. “Karkat, the Signless suffered like no one else, but he also loved like no one else. He was not only a visionary and revolutionary, but he also preached compassion and forgiveness, and he believed that troll kind had the potential to become something better than it is now. Besides that—and you’ll be interested to hear this—the romance he had with his partner, the same disciple that wrote on our walls, was so perfect that it transcended romance itself. I don’t know what that means, but I thought you might like that part.

“What I’m trying to say is this: from the Signless’s death, you’ve inherited great anger and suffering, Karkat. It’s your fate to bear the burden of this insurrection, and it’s a hard burden. I suppose there’s something to be said about your general temperament as well. But from his life, you’ve also inherited great love. I believe that it’s because you love so much that you suffer. The Signless was martyred because he cared for something far greater than himself. He cared more than anyone else could, even in his most personal relationships, and even though he died bitter and angry, that brief surge of anger could not have eclipsed a lifetime of love as powerful as his. It could not have died when he did.

“You say you are an idiot and you don’t understand romance as well as you act like you do, and since I don’t really know anything about romance, I can’t pass judgment on that. But I do believe, Karkat, that it is because you understand love so well and have inherited the will and disposition to care like no one else can that these things happen to you. Of course it hurts. Love is a powerful thing, and those who feel it the most will suffer the most for it. But I also believe that you will overcome that suffering. I believe that if there is any troll that can change anything, it will be you. You are a born leader. You were literally born to lead this insurrection, as in it’s in your blood, literally, to do so. And you will finish what your ancestor could not, once and for all, regardless of the personal conflicts that you experience along the way. That’s why I’m following you. I know you can do it. And I’m sure that I’m not the only one who feels this way.”

Karkat stared at her speechlessly, and Sollux decided it was finally time for him to stop eavesdropping and reveal himself. “You’re not the only one,” he said, emerging from the shadows. Karkat jumped.

“Where the fuck did you come from?” he asked. “How long were you listening?”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “She’th right, Kk. Thith ith all on you, but maybe that’th not sthuch a bad thing. I wath literally freaking the fuck out like five minuteth ago, but after all that, I’m feeling pretty rebelliouth again. Fuck it, if there’th any way to go out, thith would be it. Stho, sthaying that...I heard you need an auspistice.”

Chapter Text

The silence inside Gamzee’s cell was broken by a violent boom.  He glanced up as the door sustained another blow, bowing and then puckering inwards.  With the last hit, it flew across the room in a crumbled heap.  Gamzee stood, eyeing the glowing demoness who floated into the doorway of his cell, her eyes flickering with bright colored light.

“I wasn’t about to be motherfuckin’ thinking I’d see you again,” he said.  She scrutinized him and remained silent.  Frowning, he asked, “This ain’t no motherfuckin’ coincidence you come to help us twice.  What’s the motherfuckin’ Handmaid got to do with what shit me and my bro get our sorry asses all motherfuckin’ mixed up in?”

Again, she refused to comment, instead floating back into the hallway.  He rushed to the door as she began down the hall.  “He’s trapped up in his motherfuckin’ prison, what one you got him from the last motherfuckin’ time you got your wicked self all up in our shit, if that’s where all you be heading at,” he called after her.  She turned the corner without acknowledging that she had heard him.

Gamzee stood in the hallway, debating whether it would be best to follow the Handmaid.  He wasn’t sure she was going to where he hoped she was going, but he wasn’t familiar with the layout of the prison block, so it probably didn’t matter which way he went anyway.  Just as he had decided to dash after her, a lumbering collection of beefy trolls snuck around the corner on the opposite end of the hallway, and they all simultaneously froze.

Gamzee tensed in preparation for conflict, but a familiar voice placated him.  “Highblood, we are here to rescue you.”  Equius stepped forward and dropped to his knee in humble deference.

Gamzee stared at him as he processed the new development, and his eyes slowly narrowed.  “Ain’t that a nice motherfuckin’ thing for that you’re doing at me,” he said, approaching the group with evident hostility.  He stopped in front of Equius and glared down at him.  “But I been hearing around that wasn’t what all you were supposed to be about doing.  What motherfucker made you feel all up to a rescue mission like what goes against your superiors?”

“It was your moirail, the mutant-blood,” Equius answered.  “We have joined the insurrection.  He...is our new superior.”

“Now don’t that sound well contrived to be something I should be about motherfucking believing, when what my pal Equius is normally about wouldn’t motherfucking be like what that is.  You aren’t planning on some rude scheme to wrestle me up back into that motherfucking cell, are you, brother?”

“I understand your reservations,” Equius replied, choosing his words with care, “but what I say is the truth, as depraved and ludicrous as it may seem.  We have a ship waiting in the dock, prepared to leave as swiftly as possible, and Nepeta and Aradia are currently on their way to collect the lowblood.  As long as we elude the authorities, we can place a reasonable amount of distance between this ship and ours before the Grand Highblood becomes alert to your absence.”

He risked a look into Gamzee’s eyes, glancing at him from over his sunglasses so that Gamzee could read the sincerity of his statement.  “I ain’t about to be getting the shit kicked from under me again, motherfucker,” Gamzee said.

“I would never deign to...kick the shit...from underneath you,” Equius responded.  “Nor do I want you to be in a cell, for lewd personal reasons that I prefer to leave unaddressed for now.”

Gamzee considered him for a second longer. Finally, he smiled and replied, “For an unfunny motherfucker that you are, you say some funny motherfuckin’ things sometimes.”  He slapped him gently on the cheek, and Equius took the gesture as permission to stand.  “It’s a good motherfuckin’ thing you got it in your malleable motherfuckin’ think pan who all your loyalties should be with,” he said, speaking to Equius but looking at the small crowd of Ruffiannihilators generally.  His eyes returned to Equius, and he asked, “You said you got some motherfuckers gathering up my bro?”

“Yes, sir,” Equius affirmed.

“You best have a bitchtits wicked plan to get us up out of here,” Gamzee said.  “My bro ain’t nothing what can be let the motherfuck down if you planned it wrong.”

“The lowblood is not expendable,” Equius confirmed.  “It will be addressed.”

“Good,” Gamzee said.  He gestured for Equius to lead the way out, and Equius turned, pulling a towel out and wiping his face as he strode through his squad and proceeded down the hall.

Several levels below them, Nepeta led Aradia through a series of tight, claustrophobic vents that ran through the walls of the slave deck.  Nepeta murmured to herself, narrating both her fantasy role as a daring infiltrator and her general discontent with the cramped ventilation system.  Aradia remained silent, floating parallel to the vent shaft in such a way that she made no sound at all.  They came to a fork in the path, and Nepeta, like she did for the previous forks, looked over her shoulder at Aradia.

“The stealthy scout glances back at her somber purrtner for directions.  ‘Which way should we go?’ she whispers,” Nepeta whispered.

Aradia considered the question before rotating midair to face the side of the vent.  Without warning, she punched a hole into the wall of the shaft.  Nepeta jumped and stared at her as she did it again, this time ripping the wall apart completely.  She tore through the metal beyond the vent and broke out into a dark, stuffy room.  Nepeta scrunched her nose against the thick air that wafted into the vent, recognizing immediately the unwelcome scent of blood.  Aradia glanced at her and said, “This way,” before drifting out of the vent and down into the ominous room.

Nepeta hesitated, and all her will to make a playful game of the situation dissolved.  Quietly, she crawled out of the vent, carefully avoiding the jagged metal edges that Aradia had left behind as she dropped down into the chamber.  “Tavros?” she called, squinting into the darkness. 

“...Who are you?” he called back.  His voice was thin and weak, as though he had just woken up.

There was a click on the other corner of the room, and a dim light flickered to life.  Nepeta blinked, adjusting her eyes to the light as she looked in the direction from which she had heard Tavros’s voice.  He was on his stomach, stretched out on a metal slab and draped in heavy blankets.  His eyes widened as he recognized her, and he lifted his head a little more to get a better look.  “Nepeta...?”

“And Aradia!” Nepeta said, scampering over to him.  “We’re here to break you out!”

He looked over at Aradia, who was standing by the light switch near the metal door, and back at Nepeta.  She smiled at him, but misery passed like a shadow across his face and his eyes flickered away from hers.  “Oh,” he said, dropping his head back into the cradle of his arms.  “I guess...I should probably thank you for that, but...”

“But what?” Nepeta asked, circling the bed to crouch in front of his head.  She watched him with concern as he avoided eye contact, and after a moment, he sighed.

“I don’t think I should go,” he said.  “Not this time.  It was a bad idea anyway, so, uh, it’s probably best, and by probably, I mean definitely, if I just stayed here, where I belong...”

“That’s stupid!” Nepeta said.  “How could you pawsibly say something like that?”

“It’s not stupid, it’s...how things are now,” Tavros responded.  He buried his face into his arms and added, so softly that Nepeta almost couldn’t hear him, “It’s my conscription, so it’s basically just fate anyway...nobody else ever escapes their conscription, so there’s no reason I would be able to, realistically...”

“That’s not true at all,” Nepeta said.  “I escaped my conscription so well that I didn’t even get one!  And neither did Karkat or Aradia, right Aradia?”

“Right,” Aradia agreed.  “Conscription is pointless.”

“See?” Nepeta said, reaching out and rubbing Tavros’s arm.  “Equius is going against his conscription!  So is Terezi, and so is Kanaya...we all are.  In fact, Equius is rescuing Gamzee right meow, so you and he can go against your conscriptions together!”

Nepeta felt a rush of hope as Tavros peeked at her from over his arms, even though the dark rings around his eyes made his expression seem bleak.  She smiled at him and said, “We have a plan that’ll make it so this nefur happens to you or anyone else again!  But we need your help.  You’re a really impurrtant part of it!  We can’t win without you!”

To her disappointment, his face dipped back into his arms and he groaned.  “That’s a bad idea, too, making me an important part of any plan...I can’t—I can’t help you at all.”

“Not while you’re in here sleeping, you can’t!” Nepeta said.  “Come on, Tavros, come with us!”

“I can’t,” he said, almost whimpering.  “I can’t go.”

“Why?” Nepeta asked, exasperated.  “I know you’re afuraid of the Grand Highblood, but we all are!  You have to be brave, Tavros!”

“That’s not it.  I mean, kind of not it, because I am afraid, but that’s not why I can’t go with you, since obviously I would want to if I’m afraid of him, and I do, a little bit, even though every second I spend running away is basically terrifying in ways I can’t explain to you, but that’s not why I’m telling you that I can’t be a part of anything ever again,” he rambled, his ears turning bronze.

“Then why?” Nepeta asked again.

“It’s because...I’m not not a cripple anymore,” he said.  His arms tightened around his head, and his hands clenched fistfuls of the blanket covering him.  “I can’t run away anymore.  I can’t do anything anymore.”

Nepeta’s stomach dropped.  “That’s...” she said, looking over her shoulder at Aradia, who offered her no assurances.  She turned back to Tavros and set her hand on his head.  “That’s okay, Tavros.  I think...we can purrobably do something about that!”

She waited for him to respond, stroking his hair to sooth him.  He looked up at her, his eyes red and watery.  “How?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” she admitted.  “But I know Equius can help you!  He’s helped a lot of people with serious injuries.”

“But...how will we escape, if I can’t walk?” he asked.

“I will take care of that,” Aradia said, and they both looked at her.  She looked at Tavros and said, “I helped you before.  Don’t you remember?”

“Oh, yeah,” he said, and, to Nepeta’s relief, he smiled.  “That was a long time ago, though...I haven’t seen you in a long time.”

“We can catch up in a bit,” Aradia said, and surprisingly, she also smiled.  She lifted a hand, and, with a yelp, Tavros rose into the air.  The blankets wrapped themselves around him as he drifted towards Aradia, and he became a levitating cocoon.

“Purrfect!” Nepeta said, following Tavros.  “Now we just have to make it to the ship.  I’ll message Equius to let him know we’ve got him, and—“

Without warning, the door to the cell exploded inwards, showering them all with debris.  Nepeta and Aradia whipped around, and Nepeta’s jaw dropped when she saw the Handmaid levitating in the decimated doorway.  Aradia, on the other hand, immediately took an offensive position, her metallic teeth bared in open hostility.

“Do not get involved,” she said.  “We have this under control.”

“You do not,” the Handmaid said.  “You never have.  This was your fault to begin with.”

“I’m fixing it!”

“It’s too late for that now.”  The Handmaid glanced up at Tavros, who looked down at her nervously from his position near the ceiling, and then to Nepeta, who, taking a cue from Aradia, unsheathed her claws.  She sneered and said, “Follow me.  I will escort you out.”

Nepeta looked to Aradia for guidance as the Handmaid backed out of the doorway, waiting for them to follow.  Aradia glared at the demoness, but after a second’s hesitation, she floated into the hallway, trailing Tavros behind her.

“It’s okay, Tavros,” Nepeta whispered, scurrying after them.  “If anything gets weird, we’ll purrtect you.”

“I think...this is probably okay,” Tavros whispered back.  “This happened before.”

“It did?” Nepeta asked, looking at him with surprise, but before he could explain, the Handmaid lifted a glowing wand and blew a hole into the ceiling.  The beam sliced through multiple decks of the ship, cutting upwards until it reached the main dock.

“Hold on,” Aradia said, taking hold of Nepeta.  Nepeta wrapped her hands around her as they rose up after the Handmaid.

Equius and his squad had been hanging in the shadows of a hallway that branched from the dock, contemplating the best way to get to their ship without getting caught, when they heard the blast.  He and Gamzee both peeked around the corner to see the source of the commotion as people ran past their hiding place.  Everyone’s attention was concentrated on the smoking hole in the floor.

“What the motherfuck?” Gamzee asked, but Equius turned to him with a resolute expression.

“We must go now, while they are distracted,” he said.  He glanced at his squad and they saluted, and one by one they rushed from the spot, clearing a path for him and Gamzee.  “Highblood, you must go before me.  I will bring up the rear and take care of any problems.”

“You motherfuckin’ got it,” Gamzee said, ruffling Equius’s hair and knocking his sunglasses askew before rushing into the open.  With a grimace, Equius followed, correcting his glasses as he ran. 

They had crossed a quarter of the length of the dock when the Handmaid shot through the hole in the floor.  For a second, she hovered, looking down at the trolls who stared up at her in shock.  Without warning, she released a terrible shout and began to destroy the docks, crushing ships and the mechanisms that held them in place with reckless abandon and throwing the broken parts about.  The deck exploded with wild activity as the Subjugglators and their lackeys scrambled around in panic, trying to regain composure while simultaneously avoiding the hurricane of wreckage.  The remaining distance between Equius and his ship was suddenly a mad obstacle course.  Trolls were pulling out their weapons, and prisoners were escaping from their captors to add to the decimation.  Equius tried to keep an eye on the Handmaid’s assaults while also keeping track of Gamzee, who jumped over flaming metal debris and ran down anyone who crossed his path with such natural aptitude it was as though he had trained for the situation. 

Equius watched Gamzee lunge over a support beam, and he was about to follow when a gigantic slab of metal hurdled to the floor in front of him, taking out several trolls.  He skidded to a halt and glanced up at the Handmaid, wondering why of all days she had to pick this one to cause chaos.  It was to both his shock and horror that he noticed Aradia and Nepeta fly up through the hole below her, lugging Tavros behind them.

“Refurlution!” Nepeta shouted with a laugh, pumping a fist into the air as the Handmaid allowed Aradia to fly past her.  Aradia shot towards Equius, and Nepeta reached down to snag him as they sped towards the ship.  Aradia herself grabbed Gamzee, who almost tore her arm off before realizing who had caught him.

“Fuck yeah, sister!” he whooped, becoming aware of the situation.  He grinned down at the destruction that was happening below them, reveling in their dramatic escape.  Inspired, he turned to Aradia and said, “Let me the fuck down in this madhouse before you get all our wicked selves up in our ship so that I can have some words at these motherfuckers, got it?”

“Keep it brief,” she said, dropping him at the entrance of the ship and continuing inside with the rest of her cargo.  As soon as they were out of sight, the Handmaid disappeared, and the dock grew still with confusion.

“My wicked sisters and bitchtits brothers!” Gamzee shouted to the speechless and bewildered crowd.  They turned towards him, dumb with shock.  He smirked and declared, “It’s time, my foolish fuckin’ siblings, for us to be kicking the shit out of this our Dark Carnival all the way to mother fuckin’ Shangri Lol!  Prepare yourselves, blasphemers!”

With a dark laugh, he slinked into the ship, and the rockets rumbled to life.

Chapter Text

“So who the fuck are all these people again?” Karkat asked, interrupting Feferi as she chatted with Sollux and led the group through a city of haphazardly constructed tents.  Sollux had landed their ship in a tall, mountainous stretch of green hills that sloped into a valley-like beach, and the low rumble of the ocean was audible above the fuss of the encampment.  Feferi arrived soon after to collect them, and she led them down the forested gradient towards her own ship, babbling with delight the whole way.

“This is your army!” she explained for the third time.  “Really, Krabcakes, you should pay attention when someone provides you with enough manpower to take down an entire Subjugglator ship!”

“But...how?”

“Who caaaaaaaares?” Vriska said.  “It’s an army!  Take it for what it is and shut up!”

“People just don’t give other people fucking armies!” Karkat said, glancing around at all the lowblooded trolls.  “You might think this hellish usurpation plan you’ve concocted is some sort of fucking game, but I happen to think that the lives of a hundred plus trolls is a big fucking responsibility that I want to understand fully before I shoulder it!”

“There are three thousand at least,” Feferi corrected him.

“Who the fuck are these people?”

“Okay, if you must glubbing know, they’re slaves!” Feferi said.  “I bought them!  Happy?”

“Okay, wait, so what you’re saying is that you’ve forced all of the slaves you’ve collected over the last several sweeps to come here and prepare for a war that none of us have any reason to expect?” Karkat asked.  “That’s fucking great, I could really use a bunch of lowblooded trolls stuck in bondage to help me free lowblooded trolls from bondage.”

“Of course I didn’t do that,” Feferi said, rolling her eyes.  “What do you think I am, retarded?  I asked who would be fintrested in coming, and this is who answered!”

“Holy shit, this is only the interested group?  How many slaves do you even have?”

“I don’t like to think of them as slaves.  They’re more like...searvants!  I don’t make them stay if they don’t want to, but if they do, I give them a codnest pay for their work.  It’s better than what a lot of them would get somewhere else.”

“I can attetht to that,” Sollux said. 

“Okay, whatever, all I need to know is that they are all here because they want to be and that they all know what they’re getting into.  They do all know what they’re getting into, right?  You didn’t feed them some lines about a better life or some shit like that, because we still don’t know if that’s a promise we can keep.”

“Clam down, Codkrab!  I told them the truth.”

“Which is...?”

“That we’re going to engage in a life or death struggle to abolfish centuries of oppression at the hands of highbloods!”

“There’s no reason to tell anyone things are that serious yet,” Kanaya said with uncertainty.

“Whale, we’ll have to sea about that!”

“Great,” Karkat said with a huff.  “Well, as long as they all think they’re going to die, I guess we can’t question their consent.”

“At leatht there won’t be any sthurpritheth,” Sollux grumbled.

“Shove it, nookbreath.  I’m sure I’m talking for everyone when I say we’re tired of the doomsday bullshit,” Karkat said.

“Let’th sthee how tired you all are when I’m right,” Sollux shot back.

“You should both shut up,” Terezi said, groaning.  “Seriously, maybe I should be the one auspisticizing you two!”

“You shut up!”

“Why don’t you all shut up?” Vriska snapped.

“I’m the fucking captain of this dysfunctional crew, Serket, so don’t get off telling my crew to shut up!”

“Wow, Kanaya,” Feferi whispered as they all fell to bickering.  “Is it always like this?”

“No, but it has been getting exponentially worse,” Kanaya said.  “We’ve been having some quadrant issues, and it does not help that half our romantic partners are currently infiltrating the Subjugglator mothership.  Needless to say, tensions are high.”

“I sea,” Feferi said.  “...How the glub do they intend to lead an army?”

“I’m afraid it may have been your mistake to expect that they could.”

Feferi considered the response and then shrugged.  “Oh whale, I’m shore they’ll get their shit together soon enough!”

“Optimistic as always, I see.”

“Calm your fucking blowhole, Kk, I’m getting an incoming methage from Aradia!” Sollux said, stomping over to Feferi and Kanaya.

“I don’t fucking have a blowhole, bulgechomp, because I’m not a fucking fish.”

“Cod,” Sollux said, levitating in the air and pulling out his husktop.  “Why the hell did I even bother getting involved in their shit?”

“It’s a bit strenuous,” Kanaya said.  “I should have warned you.”

“It’s not your fault,” he said.  “Honestly, it’s not that—holy fuck!”

“What?” both Kanaya and Feferi asked, leaning over his shoulder.

“Okay, athholeth, it’th time to get theriouth!” Sollux yelled over the escalating sound of Karkat and Terezi’s squabbling.

“And YOU are the worst fucking auspistice anybody could ever actually not really ask for!” Karkat shouted, rounding on him.

“We don’t have time to deal with your quadrant horthshit, Kk,” Sollux snapped.  “The Sthubjugglatorth are gaining on the Ruffiannihilatorth' ship and the more important half of thith rebellion ith fucking toatht if we don’t get our headth out of our athths.”

“Wait, what?” both Karkat and Terezi said, and Vriska asked, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Sthut up, I’m working,” Sollux said.  He looked over the code one last time, entering some information to tailor the virus to their current situation, and clicked enter, sending it out.

“What did you do?” Kanaya asked.

“It’th a viruth,” Sollux answered.  “It functionth in two partth: divide and dethroy.”

“Which means what?” Karkat asked.

“Give it a sthecond...”

Suddenly, all of their husktops dropped out of their sylladexes and fell to the ground, crackling to life.  Across the galaxy, the screens of all troll-made devices ranging from televisions to computers to the control panels of ships lit up with static, which gradually gave way to the cherry-red sigil of Cancer, Karkat’s sign and the sign of the Sufferer.  Trolls of all ages, professions, and hues on the hemospectrum turned to their electronics as a computerized voice made a bold announcement:

WE CHALLENGE THE SUBJUGGLATOR ADMINISTRATION AND ITS MISMANAGEMENT OF HEMOSPECTRUM AFFAIRS.
DESPITE CENTURIES OF DISSENT, THE ARISTOCRATIC BLOODCASTES HAVE CONTINUED TO IGNORE OUR DEMANDS FOR EQUALITY AND TO ABUSE OUR LOWBLOODED BRETHREN, AND WE HAVE HAD ENOUGH.

THIS IS JUDGMENT DAY.

WE WILL GET OUR DUES AS FRUITFUL SUBJECTS OF HER IMPERIAL CONDESCENSION, REGARDLESS OF OUR SUPPOSED LIMITATIONS AS DICTATED TO US BY THE COOLER END OF THE HEMOSPECTRUM.
FOR YOU, YOUR PITIED ONES, YOUR HATED ONES, AND YOUR FRIENDS,
JOIN US ON ALTERNIA TO FIGHT AGAINST HIGHBLOOD SUBJUGATION.

“Sollux, what the fuck is this?” Karkat asked in disbelief, and everyone turned to Sollux.

“AA sthaid it wath time to break it out,” he explained, shrugging.  “That wath the flashy part—the divide.  It’th actually not that important.  The important function of thith viruth ith the dethroy part.”

“What does that part do?” Feferi asked.

Sollux smirked.  “It dithableth the Sthubjugglator shipth.”

“All of them?” Vriska asked.

“That’th right.  Hold your applauthe, pleathe, I want to hear you all tell me how awethome I am.”

“So...that means that the Happy Hoofbeast crew is safe now, right?” Karkat asked.

“Sthafer,” Sollux said, his smirk slipping, “but if they know what’th good for them, they’ll haul ath back here.”

“Not that it’ll be a big mystery where they’re headed,” Terezi said.

“Whale, it shore is a good thing you suddenly have an army!” Feferi said.  “How convenient!”

“I feel as though all of these events are contrived somehow,” Kanaya said, grimacing.

“Don’t be so suspicifish, Kanaya!” Feferi responded, throwing an arm around both her and Sollux.  “We don’t have time to complain—we have a war to prepare for!”  She turned and steered the two of them onwards through the tents, and with little choice, the rest of them followed.

Several light years away, the Subjugglator mothership floated in the void of space, lit only by dim emergency lamps.  The Grand Highblood stood over the frantic pilot, glaring at the diminishing form of the Ruffiannihilator vessel as it shot away. 

“Sir...we have personnel working on the problem,” announced a troll manning one of the many computers scattered around the bridge.

“Contact the seadweller,” the Grand Highblood said, growling from deep in his throat.  “Tell the mother fucker to get his ass here.  Tell him to plot a course to Alternia.”

In the dark, only a blinking red light illuminated the rage in his eyes.

Chapter Text

Tavros pulled the blanket tighter around himself as the squad’s physician ran through a list of questions, scribbling down his responses with pursed lips.  Equius stood next to the gurney and listened.  He shot a look at Nepeta, who was standing outside the medical bay, peering in through the wide windows.

“Where did you say you lost sensation?” Equius asked as the physician moved away to prepare a cocktail of drugs.

“Mostly my legs, but not, uh, like all of them, like before when I was injured...I can feel below my waist, and my hips sometimes, but it’s off and on and it pinches when I move.”

“I’m going to ask that you remove the blanket so we can examine your wounds,” the physician said, approaching Tavros with a syringe.

“Um, I don’t...”

There was a frantic tapping at the window, and a second later the door swung open.  “Everybody get the motherfuck out,” Gamzee said, striding into the room.  Everyone froze.  Gamzee glared at the physician, and she immediately set the syringe down and left.

“Excuse my insolence,” Equius said, stepping forward, “but it would be best if we addressed the lowblood’s medical issues as soon as possible.“

“Ain’t nobody’s gonna be touching my bro before I get my words in with him,” Gamzee said.

“That is not advisable—“

“It’s okay, I think it’s probably best if we talked, actually,” Tavros interrupted.  Equius glanced at him, and Tavros seemed honestly relieved to see Gamzee.  Grimacing, Equius gave a curt nod and walked out of the medical bay, closing the door behind him.

“I tried to warn you before he went in,” Nepeta whispered as he joined her in front of the window.

“I heard,” Equius replied.  “It doesn’t matter.  We could not have prevented his entry.”

“You wouldn’t have tried anyway,” Nepeta said, grumbling.

“We will not discuss it.”

They fell silent, watching Gamzee talk to Tavros.  They could not hear what the two were saying, but Gamzee’s vicious expression had melted away, leaving nothing but concern in its wake.  Tavros was still holding the blanket tightly around his body, but he seemed to relax a little as well.  “What do you think they’re talking about?” Nepeta asked, glancing at Equius.

Equius shrugged.  “I have never seen them interact, and the highblood refuses to talk about their relationship.”

“Do you think it’s alright for him to be in there?” she asked.  “Isn’t he crazy?”

Equius didn’t answer immediately, but eventually he responded, “...Yes.  He probably is.”

“What should we do?” Nepeta asked.  They both tensed as Gamzee approached Tavros and put his hands on the edges of the blanket.  A distressed look crossed Tavros’s face, and he looked away, saying something they couldn’t hear.  Gamzee murmured something in response, cupping Tavros’s cheek.  He coaxed Tavros’s eyes back to his and leaned in, kissing him lightly.  Tavros closed his eyes and released the blanket, allowing Gamzee to pull it off his shoulders.

“What should we do?” Nepeta repeated as Gamzee circled around the gurney.

“He won’t hurt him,” Equius said.

“Are you pawsitive?”

“Yes.”

Gamzee stopped behind Tavros and drew the blanket off his back, exposing his skin.  Tavros’s wings unfolded and fluttered weakly, but Gamzee ignored them, scanning down his spine instead.  Nepeta and Equius both felt their stomachs drop at the look on Gamzee’s face.  His eyes widened with shock as he assessed the damage done to Tavros’s back, but they quickly narrowed, turning almost red with murderlust.

“THAT MOTHERFUCKER,” Gamzee snarled so loudly Equius and Nepeta could hear him from outside the room.  Tavros cringed.  The volume of Gamzee's voice dropped, but it flew back up again in intervals, so that Equius and Nepeta could hear half of the violent oaths he was spitting against the Highblood.  The longer he talked, the more miserable Tavros looked, until he finally dropped his face into his hands.

“Poor Tavros,” Nepeta murmured as he sobbed.  Once Gamzee realized Tavros was crying, his rage instantly dissipated, and he hurdled himself over the gurney and sat down next to him, pulling him into a loose embrace.  As he whispered to him, he shot a look at Equius.

“I am being beaconed,” Equius said, turning towards the door.

“Wait, Equius...”

“It will be fine.  I promise.”  He opened the door and entered the room, closing it behind him.

Gamzee watched him as he approached them.  “You can fix a motherfucker, right?” he asked.

“Allow me examine the wounds,” Equius said.  Gamzee turned to Tavros and murmured something into his ear, and Tavros nodded, looking away and rubbing his eyes.  Equius glanced at Gamzee, and Gamzee motioned with a nod for Equius to walk behind them.

In the middle of Tavros’s lower back was a deep, angry wound, dug straight into the spine.  To compliment the gouge, a pair of circular cuts had been carved above it and a wide half circle below, transforming the wound into the nose of a grotesque smiley face.  A few half-hearted slashes had also been made around the muscles that were meant to control Tavros’s wings, but they did not seem serious enough to permanently incapacitate them.  Equius grimaced.

“The physician will need to look at this as well,” he said.  “I am not a doctor, but...I do not think this will be reversible.  Not with our technology.”

“You can’t fix it?” Gamzee asked.

 “We are a squad of warriors, not a hospital,” Equius said.  “I am sorry.”

“You’re not going to even motherfucking try?” Gamzee asked, standing and turning towards him.  Equius recognized the look in his eyes. The rage was boiling over, and he was at the cusp of an outburst.  He tensed, preparing himself, but Tavros reached out and grabbed Gamzee’s wrist.

“It’s okay,” he said.  “Just because the Highblood could do it doesn’t mean everyone can, so that’s something we can’t help, even if we try really hard or wish really hard for it to be different.”

A deep growl rose in Gamzee’s throat until it escalated to a full roar, and he slammed his foot into a table of medical supplies, sending medical paraphernalia flying.  “There’s got to be some motherfucking way to get you up and walking again!” he shouted.  Equius looked at him in surprise.  There was a note of desperation underneath all that anger that wasn’t usually present when Gamzee lost his head.  It felt raw and somehow sweet, different from the plain rage that was a by-product of his high status on the hemospectrum.  In it was the shadow of the real Gamzee that still clung to his sanity despite the brainwashing and religiosity, and Equius felt a nostalgic flash of the romantic hate he used to feel for him before he had spiraled out of control.

“Gamzee,” Equius said, commanding his attention.  “I will replace the damaged parts of his anatomy.  He will walk again shortly.”

Tavros turned around to look at him with wide eyes. “Really?” he asked.  Gamzee paused, and Equius could see his anger evaporating as both he and Tavros looked at him with uncertain hope.

“Yes,” Equius answered, looking mostly at Gamzee.  He glanced at Tavros, continuing, “It will require the removal of your legs, however.  I will fit you with robotic replacements, as I did with Serket.”

“That’s fine!” Tavros said.  He turned to look at Gamzee as if to ask his permission.  “It won’t be that bad, as long as I can use them, even if they’re metal.  Right?”

“Do what’s right according to what your heart be up and saying, brother,” Gamzee said, eyeing Equius.  “If you don’t mind having legs what aren’t natural, then it’s your legs to be unnatural if you want.”

“I think, um, if it’s possible to do that, then I want that to happen, since it’s much better to have robot legs than no legs,” Tavros said, turning back to Equius.

“Then I will arrange for it to happen,” Equius said.  “I will send the medic back in here to patch up your wounds, and in the meantime, I will begin work on the parts.”

Tavros smiled.  “Thank you so much!” he said, and Equius nodded.  He turned to Gamzee.

“I will escort you to your quarters,” he said.

“Would...it be alright if I kicked it back in here with my bro while he got his wait on?” Gamzee asked.

“That—yes, of course you may,” Equius stammered, taken aback by his sudden meekness.  “Highblood, you need not defer to me.  You remain my superior.”

“Yeah, but seeing as how this is your ship and all, and what with you doing us a favor like this, I thought I’d let the motherfucker in charge call the motherfuckin’ shots.”

“Do as you please.  As long as it does not end in anyone’s death, if at all possible.”

“You motherfuckin’ got it, bro!”

Equius left the room, pulling a towel from his sylladex as the door closed behind him.  “What did he say?” Nepeta asked.

“I will be making him a new pair of legs,” Equius responded.  “We will not be able to heal his wounds.”

“Oh...that’s sad.  But at least Aradia bought us a lot of time to get efurything working at least part of the way!”

“Yes, it is...although I would have preferred she ask my permission before initiating a civil war,” he said with a sign.

“You like it,” Nepeta said, giggling.  “How long will it take to make the legs?”

“Not too long.  It will take him longer to adjust to them.”

“He better not take too long, beclaws he’ll be needing them soon!”

“Yes.  We have no time to waste.  I must begin working.”

“Okay, you do that.  I’ll...ask Karkat if we should do anything else to prepare!”

“Excellent.  Stay out of trouble.”  With that, Equius turned and walked down the passageway.  Nepeta turned in the other direction, planning to make her way to her temporary respiteblock.  As she rounded the corner, she came face to face with Aradia.

“Oh!  Hey, Aradia, what’re you doing?”

Aradia’s metallic face didn’t betray any emotion, but Nepeta could sense her hesitation.  “I need to talk with Gamzee and Tavros,” she answered after a slight pause.

“You do?” Nepeta asked, cocking her head in confusion.  “Why?”

“It’s about the Handmaid,” she said.  “They said she had interfered before.”

“Oh yeah, they did!” Nepeta said.  “That is kind of purrplexing, isn’t it?  I thought she only came out to cause purroblems!”

“I thought so, too.”

“So...do you think there are going to be purroblems?”

“I don’t know.”

“But don’t you know efurything?”

“No, not at all.  There are a lot of things I don’t know.”

“Oh,” Nepeta said with disappointment.  “I thought...but then, how do you know what’s going to happen all the time?”

“I listen to voices.  But they did not warn me about the participation of the demoness, and I find that disconcerting.”

“Yeah, that is disconcerting!” Nepeta agreed.  “Do you think...hmm.  Hey, Aradia?”

“Yeah?”

“What did she mean when she said that this was your fault?”

Aradia considered the question for a second before responding, “I made a mistake.  I had a very important job once that I failed to accomplish, and I’ve ruined our standing with paradox space as a result.”

“What does that mean for us?”

“I can’t say.  I’m doing what I can to right my wrong,” Aradia said.  She sighed, the mechanical sound ringing through the cavern of her torso.  “I once thought my mistake was actually the right thing to do.  I had my doubts about the whole thing, even before I died, and I made the decision to go against the fate allotted to me.  As it turns out, it’s impossible to be right when contradicting paradox space.  We are nothing but slaves to the will of the cosmos.”

Nepeta felt a strange sort of hopelessness descend in the space between them, and she grew uncomfortable.  “Um, I don’t know what you mean by that, but...I’m sure you’ll fix any mistakes you’ve made just fine!”

“Thank you, Nepeta,” Aradia replied.  “But I’m afraid...I can’t be much more than an agent of destruction now.”

“Purrhaps destruction is what we need right now...?”

“Yes, perhaps it is,” she agreed.  “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to talk to Tavros and Gamzee.  The more information I can gather, the better.”

“Okay.  Good luck!” Nepeta said, moving out of her way.  She watched her float down the hallway and open the door to the medical bay, a strange dread settling in her gut.

Chapter Text

The ships landing in the distance looked like falling stars, and every night, more came down.  It was impossible to keep track of them all, so no one could really tell what percentage of the trolls returning to Alternia were allies and what were foes.  Most, but not all, of the trolls that joined the rebellion’s encampment had the decency to seek out their new leader, so the rebellion managed to keep a skewed headcount of their growing army.  The only downside was that Karkat was forced to forego any personal time to acknowledge a steady stream of newcomers.

“They just keep fucking coming,” he complained to Feferi, who stayed with him at all times to reinforce the fact that, despite her prestigious blood, it was Karkat in charge.  Kanaya and Sollux also hung around, reminding him to act with a certain level of decorum when associating with his new troops.

“It’s better they come here than wait in the hills to join the Subjugglators!” she said.

“Do you think there are many trolls out there waiting for the Subjugglators’ arrival?” Kanaya asked.

“Probubbly,” she replied, shrugging.  “There are whole schools serving under her Imperial Condescension that will remain loyal to the empire, no matter what.”

“I didn’t sthend the viruth to the Condethe, stho hopefully she won’t be sthending anyone,” Sollux said.

“You didn’t?”

“No, why the hell would I do that?  That’th jutht athking for trouble.  Unleth the Sthubjugglatorth contacted her directly, sthe sthouldn’t have any idea thith ith happening.”

“You thought of everyfin!” Feferi said, delighted.  He shrugged but smirked nonetheless.

“Is there any reason the Subjugglators wouldn’t contact the Condesce?” Kanaya asked.

“Besides the fact that they’re smug assholes who probably consider crushing hordes of dissenting lowbloods a fun way to pass time?” Karkat responded.

“They won’t tell her,” Feferi said.  “It wouldn’t look good, and besides, she’s too far away to help them hershellf!”

“It’s fucking lucky, if you ask me,” Karkat said.  “We can get this shit done and dusted like a bunch of hemospectrum housemaids, and when she finally does show up, we can proceed straight to negotiations with as few hard feelings as possible.”

“Unleth Stherket attempth a coup,” Sollux said.

“We’ll just have to kill her if it comes to that.”

“I’ll have it under control,” Kanaya said.  “I’ve been talking to Terezi, and hopefully there will be no need for bloodshed.”

“We’ll see about that once Gamzee gets here.”

“Yes, we will.”

“Have you talked to him?” Feferi asked.  “How is Tavros doing?”

“He has robot legs.  How well can we expect him to be doing?”

“How far away are they now?”

“Fuck if I know.  They can’t be too far, it’s been a fucking week already!”

“AA sthayth that the Grand Highblood ith going to get here before they will,” Sollux said.

“I heard that as whale!” Feferi confirmed.  “But he’ll have to gather his troops before they can attack, so we’ll be able to salmon some time from that.”

“How long do you estimate it will take for Equius and the rest of them to arrive after the arrival of the Grand Highblood?” Kanaya asked.

“It shouldn’t be long!” Feferi replied with optimism.  “But we’ll have to hurry from there.  We don’t know how long it’ll take the rest of the Subjugglator fleet to get here!”

“Will they arrive before or after the rescue group?”

“They should have already gotten their sthipth working again,” Sollux said.  “I don’t know how long it’ll take them to get here, but sthinthe they’re sthcattered all over the galacthy, there’th bound to be sthome that get here before the mothership.”

“For all we know, some of them may already be here!” Feferi said with a shrug.

“Great,” Karkat said.  “We really made a federal fucking issue out of this rebellion in record time, didn’t we?”

“Lighten up, Krabsnacks!” Feferi said.  “The fight hasn’t even started yet!”

Karkat opened his mouth to respond, but a low rumble began to echo over the ocean.  Trolls throughout the encampment glanced up towards the sky.  The clouds that covered the stars began to spiral, and the rumble escalated into a full roar as a gigantic violet ship broke through the clouds, looming over the beach as it coasted towards the hills.

“Shit!” Karkat said.  “What the hell is that?  That had better be reinforcements for our side!”

“It’s Eridan,” Feferi said.

“What?  What the fuck ith he doing here?” Sollux asked.

“He’s carrying the Grand Highblood!”

“What?”

“I tried to talk him out of it,” she said.  “He won’t lisfin to me anemonemore...not since we broke up.”

“Stho now he’th trying to get you killed, ith that it?”

“I don’t know,” she said, sighing.  “I don’t know what he’s thinking.”

They fell silent, watching the huge ship descend beyond the hills.  “So is this it?” Kanaya finally asked.  “Should I go get Vriska and Terezi?”

“Yeah, that’d be great,” Karkat said.  She nodded and stood, disappearing into the city of tents.

“I sthwear, if he cometh over here, I am going to rip him to shreadth,” Sollux said with a growl, red and blue bolts of energy dancing across his face.

“Let me talk to him first,” Feferi said.

“He’th not going to lithten.”

“I know, but...I still care a lot about him, so if I can get him to do the right thing...”

“Whatever.  Ath sthoon ath the fighting sthartth, he’th the firtht one on my radar.”

Feferi sighed, but she didn’t answer.  Karkat looked between them and back to the hills, beyond which a force of genocidal violet-blooded trolls promised to be preparing for strife, assembling their fancy legendary weapons and superior technology.  Uncertainty buzzed across the beach in the murmured gossip of his troops, many of whom had never seen a real battle before in their enslaved adulthood.  The sight of the ship had clearly affected the morale of the entire makeshift army, and Karkat felt his frustration with the situation increase.

“What took you so long?” he snapped when Kanaya finally arrived with Terezi and Vriska.

“We were busy gaping at the spaceship,” Terezi answered.

“Like hell you were!  You’re fucking blind.”

“That was the joke, dummy!”

“This isn’t the time to spew the putrid nonsense you attempt to pass as humor,” he said.  “We’re preparing for war!  There’s no fucking way I’ll be able to command all these shitstains on a field this big, so I need you two to split up and take a section.”

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Vriska asked.

“What?  What am I forgetting?  Please, pray tell, Serket, I would love to hear your bullshit opinion on this matter.”

“A strategy?” she said, cocking an eyebrow.  “Or were you planning to let us do whatever we want with our troops?  If our army doesn’t coordinate as a whole, we’re going to accomplish fuckall against Eridan.”

Karkat grit his teeth, but after a brief pause, he conceded, “Okay, yeah, that’s a good point.  Let’s draw up a plan.”

“Don’t worry, we already started,” Vriska said, dropping dozens of maps and plans from her sylladex in front of him.

“What in the name of the Mothergub’s mucus membrane is all this horseshit?” Karkat asked, picking up a roll.  “Ugh, what the fuck, it’s wet!”

“That’s my fault,” Terezi said.

“That’s so fucking gross—“

“While you were out here playing host to a bunch of rebellious losers,” Vriska interrupted, “Pyrope and I were mapping out the field and writing up war plans.”

“We knew you weren’t going to,” Terezi said, grinning.  “We can go over them now, if you want.”

“Like we have time to look over all of this,” Karkat snapped.

“We do!” Feferi said.  “They still have to gather their army!  We have a centralized base camp, but their troops have been floundering all over Alternia.”

“It’s probably best if you reviewed their notes,” Kanaya agreed.

“Right,” Karkat said, exhaling quickly through his nose.  “Let’s do this.”

Terezi and Vriska both smirked, and each of them grabbed a piece of paper, spreading it on the ground.  Just as Karkat knelt down between them, a call rang through the encampment.  “General!”

They looked up and saw a small crowd of trolls scrambling towards them through the tents.  “General!  Chief!  Sir!” they shouted.  Karkat stood up, glaring daggers at them as they came to a halt in front of him.

“What is it?  We’re doing some very important planning shit!”

“Sir, there’s a seadweller here to speak with you!” one of the trolls announced, breathless from running.

“If his name is Eridan, you have my permission to kick him in the shame globes.”

The crowd exchanged glances, unsure of how to interpret his response, and Vriska sighed.  “If he wants to negotiate, bring him here.  If he doesn’t, then kick him in the shame globes!”

“Serket, I swear to fucking god—“

“I thought you promoted me, General.”

“Don’t you fucking call me ‘General!’  That’s such a stupid title for someone in charge of a piece of shit army like this one.”

“Sir, the seadweller...” a lowblood interrupted with hesitation.

“Outta my way, dirtbags!” Eridan said, pushing his way through the crowd.  They parted for him, looking between him and Karkat with uncertainty.  Karkat’s lip curled back over his teeth as he watched Eridan approach, disdain emanating from his countenance.  Word of the confrontation had apparently spread, and a hush fell across the field as trolls from all ends of the beach packed into the crowd and peeked around tents for a better view.

“What the fuck do you want?” Karkat asked, and his voice sounded louder than ever over the tense silence.  “If you’re armed, I swear to the Mothergrub’s—“

“I ain’t armed,” Eridan interrupted.  “Who do you think I am?  I know the proper etiquette for this sorta thing.”

“Okay, great.  I’m glad we got that sorted out,” Karkat said.  “Next order of business, or rather first order, since you didn’t answer the question: what the fuck do you want?”

“I just want to talk to Fef for a moment,” he said, shooting a glance at Feferi.

“What—no!” Sollux said as a murmur shuddered through the crowd.  “Who the hell do you think you are?  You haul the Grand Highblood’th gigantic ath here to kill uth all and you think you can jutht sthtroll up to Fef and have a break up chat?”

“This doesn’t concern you, you pissblooded sack of filth,” Eridan said.

“Say what you want to say,” Karkat interrupted as Sollux prepared to snarl a comeback.  He set a hand on Sollux’s shoulder, willing him with a glare to disengage his flickering psionics.

Eridan hesitated, glancing between Karkat and Feferi.  “Well, I was kinda hopin’ we could talk somewhere more privately,” he said, and his eyes rested on hers.

“Fuck no.  Deal with it or get out,” Karkat said.  Eridan continued to look at Feferi, imploring her with lifted eyebrows, and she sighed.

“Eridan, just say it,” she said.

“Fine,” he said, pouting.  “I wanted to make sure you really don’t want to give up on this fuckin’ lunatic mission and come back with me.”

The crowd began to murmur again, buzzing with outrage.  “I told you, Eridan, I’m not finterested!” Feferi said, groaning.

“No, c’mon Fef, you can’t stay here!  It’s not right—“

“She sthaid no, nookbreath!” Sollux snapped.

“He’s going to kill you, Fef!” Eridan shouted, and everyone stilled.  A violet flush peppered his cheeks, and he glared at Feferi with more desperation than anger.  “I am tryin’ to save your ungrateful ass.  I told him that you were kidnapped by these pathetic rabble-rousers, but I know he doesn’t believe that blaringly obvious sack of lies.  This is the only chance I got to save you before he sets up the execution block in the middle of this godawful field and takes your fuckin’ head off himself.  This ain’t a game, Fef, he doesn’t think any’a this is funny anymore!”

The silence was overwhelmingly thick.  They were all waiting so intently for Feferi’s response that it was as though everyone had stopped breathing, and Feferi herself glared at Eridan, pressing her lips into a hard line.  He watched her, looking between her eyes, growing more dispirited with every second that ticked by.

“Fef, please,” he pleaded, taking a step forward.  “Don’t die for these dirteatin’ peasants.  It’s not worth it!  What about all your plans?  What about takin’ over the throne’n changin’ everything that way?  Why can’t you do that?”

“There are a lot of reasons I can’t do that, Eridan,” Feferi said.  “I can’t expect you to understand.”

“I’m beggin’ you, Fef!”

“If you want to help me, Eridan, then you’ll have to join me!” Feferi declared.  She straightened up to her full height, and she seemed an empress in her own right, her conviction radiating through her eyes, regal, noble, and proud.  “I won’t go with you.”

“Sthuck it!” Sollux added, making a lewd gesture towards Eridan.  Eridan stared at Feferi in dismay, losing composure and slumping forward.  He glanced at Karkat, who shrugged.

“Got anything else to say?” Karkat asked.

“I hope you know what you’re all gettin’ yourselves into,” he said, correcting his posture.  “I ain’t goin’ to take responsibility for your deaths.”

“I thought you were all about killing landdwellerth,” Sollux taunted.

“That’s fuckin’ right, mutant freak,” Eridan snapped back.  “I’ll see you in hell.”  With that, he turned, throwing his cape out behind him.  The crowd parted, allowing him to pass.  The entire camp watched him trudge back to the hills, a beaten dog in all but appearance.

Feferi sighed, dropping her facade and turning to Karkat.  “We don’t have much time,” she said.

“Yeah,” he said.  They all studied her with uncertainty, but she flashed them a small smile.

“It’ll be okay in the end.  Don’t worry!”

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter,” Karkat said, turning to the rest of them.  “Whether it’s okay in the end or everything goes horrifically wrong in ways no one could possibly predict, we’re too far in now to pretend like we can change our minds.  Our only choice is to throw ourselves face first into this irreversible clusterfuck of unfortunate affairs and hope to god one of us crushes that douchebag on the way down.”

“Fuck yeah!” Sollux agreed.  Nobody noticed Kanaya place a hand on Feferi’s back or Feferi lean into the touch gratefully.

Chapter Text

No one was prepared for the size of the army the Grand Highblood led over the summits of the hills.  Light from the purple moon reflected off a line of hovering transport vessels and the hard exoskeletons of thousands of culling drones, pulled from their various duties to assist the Subjugglators.  The number of trolls was comparatively small, but most of them were from the upper echelons of the hemospectrum and therefore incomparably lethal.  Although there were only a few Subjugglators that had managed to make it to Alternia in a timely manner, their collective chucklevoodoos sent an eerie chill rolling down the beach, and fear was almost tangible among the rebellion’s troops.  The rebels had managed to put all necessary preparations into place in the last few nights.  The beach had been converted into a fortress, covered in deadly barricades, deep trenches, and plenty of debris for telekinetic ammunition.  Various strategies had been discussed with the officers that had been appointed for their demonstrated skill.  Medical tents had been set up and staffed.  Theoretically, they were ready for the confrontation, but there was no warrior among them that looked up at the approaching army with confidence.  Despite the collective trepidation, the call was passed down the full length of the beach, and everyone scrambled into place with a burst of bravado.  It went as planned, without chaos and only a little confusion, and they stood in formation, waiting breathlessly, repressing the deep feeling of despair that was accompanying the opposition as it marched down the hills.

“Shit,” Karkat said, jittery with apprehension.  He glanced down the line of his troops and back towards the imposing army that had stopped a rough kilometer away.  “Fuck.”

“How many of them are there?” Terezi asked.

“Do you want me to fucking count them?” Karkat asked.  “This is bad.  There are too fucking many of them.  They are going to stomp us into the ground, and we are all going to die horrible, painful deaths.”

“Don’t worry,” Vriska said, scanning the enemy with fixed concentration.  “There’s more than one chump in there I can get on our side.”

“You’ll need to watch out for the Subjugglator’s chucklevoodoos,” Terezi said.

“Thanks, Captain Obvious, I’ll make sure to do that.”

“What’s the Grand Nookstain doing?” Karkat asked.  Everyone turned their attention to the front, and they stiffened as the Grand Highblood glided forward on a levitating platform, accompanied by Eridan and another seadweller.

“We have to meet in the middle,” Feferi said, grabbing onto Karkat’s arm and yanking him forward.

“Wait, what?  Why?  No, I—“

“Just go, Karkat!”

Karkat stumbled forward as Feferi dragged him into the open field.  He gained his footing and reluctantly took responsibility for his forward movement, keeping in step with Feferi with his lips pressed tightly together.  They advanced until they reached the center of the field, stopping several paces from the Grand Highblood’s platform.

“Forgive me my insolence, your Grace,” the Grand Highblood said, looking down at them with curled lips, “but it looks like you are less a prisoner than an insurgent yourself.”

Karkat felt a nauseating prickle crawl over his skin.  He glanced at Feferi, but she showed no signs that she felt it as well.  “I am an insurgent,” she said.

“That’s what I thought,” the Highblood said, dropping a massive hand onto Eridan’s shoulder.  For an instant, Karkat’s eyes met Eridan’s, and he felt a stab of unwilling sympathy for the panic he saw in them.  “Tell me this then, young Condescension: why is it that you mother fuckers are waiting for the Summoner brood when you could betray your species with your own mind?”

Karkat’s face went blank. He nearly succumbed to an overwhelming urge to smack his hand against his face and yell at Vriska for forgetting Feferi’s ability to commune with Gl’bgolyb, but Feferi answered before he could make a fool of himself.  “My psychic connection with Gl’bgolyb is not the sort of communion that would allow me to harm her,” she said.  “She would sense my intentions.  She is an entity that is beyond my control, a monster born from the Horrorterrors in the farthest ring whose machinations are beyond my power to force.  I am not her master, but a diplomat.”

“Said like an empress,” the Grand Highblood sneered.  The prickle dancing across Karkat’s skin began to sting and bite, and he gnawed on his lip.  “It’s a mother fucking shame you got your regal self mixed up in this group of wicked heretics.”

A blinding blitz of motley colors shocked through Karkat’s mind, and he was overcome by a sourceless agony that ripped his consciousness straight from his body, severing him from his awareness of the world around him.  Somewhere beneath the violent sensations, he could feel his senses desperately trying to relay information to him.  Time became a useless abstraction, and eternity gaped in front of him, bringing with it a hopelessness that promised he would never be well again.

But the illusion did break, and his mind was assaulted by the flurry of sights and sounds his senses had been trying to warn him about during his trance.  Someone was carrying him, running with him draped over his back.  Around them, projectiles whizzed through the air, some of which flew with such velocity they produced a shrill whistle.  People were shouting, grunting, and cursing, and the metallic ring of weapons striking other weapons rose above the voices.  Dust rose and stung his eyes.  An occasional flicker of psionics lit the hazy night.

Karkat mouth hung open as he tried to make sense of the battlefield.  He turned, looking down at the troll hauling him through the combat zone.  It was a beefy guy he didn’t know.  He looked back up, and a splash of olive green blood slopped onto his face.  Swearing, he wiped it off on his sleeve, and the sensation of the lukewarm liquid seeping through the cloth of his shirt made his gut turn.  He stared down at it, the beat of his heart quickening so rapidly that his head began to spin, sending him into a fit of vertigo that knocked him cold.

“What happened?” Kanaya asked, taking Karkat from the troll as he broke through the lines.  She placed him on a medical bed.  “Is he...?”

“He is not dead,” the troll responded.  “He was moving.”

Kanaya sighed with relief.  “Thank you for bringing him here,” she said.

“It was the yellowblood psionic who saved him.  He yanked him out of there before anyone else knew what was happening.  I just picked him up.”

“Where’s Feferi?”

“The heiress was captured by the Grand Highblood.”

Kanaya felt her heart sink.  “Sollux wasn’t able to save her, too?”

“Nobody knew what was happening until it was too late.  The General sorta fell over, and the Grand Highblood snatched her up in a flash.”

“Is she alive?”

“I can’t say.”

“Thank you,” Kanaya said, dismissing him.  He nodded and moved back towards the fray, pulling his weapon from his strife specibus.  Kanaya sat next to Karkat and began checking him for wounds.  After a few light touches, he began to stir.

“Karkat?” Kanaya asked as his eyes cracked open.

“God,” he moaned, reaching up to hold his head.  “What the fuck...where the hell am I?”

“You’re in the medical tent.”

Karkat eyes snapped open and he shot upright.  “How—what—what the fuck—I was there, with Feferi, and the Grand Highblood—!”

“Yes,” Kanaya said, trying to still him.  “He captured Feferi.  Karkat, please, stop moving so much.  We don’t know if you’re hurt.”

“I’m fine!” he said, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

“We don’t know that.  We don’t know why you passed out.”

“Which time?”

“Which time?” Kanaya repeated in confusion.

“The first time I was—that bastard used his chucklevoodoos on me!” Karkat exploded, seething as he began to piece together his memories.  “We were in a neutral zone, and he used his goddamn fucking chucklevoodoos on me!  Who the fuck does that?  No wonder everyone is so afraid of that asshole, he completely ignores the rules!”

“Karkat, do you remember what happened?” Kanaya asked.  She sat next to him.  “What did he say?”

“He...asked Feferi if she was with us, and she said yeah,” Karkat said, squeezing his eyes shut while he untangled his thoughts.  “And then he asked why she didn’t just kill Gl’b-what’s-it-called herself, and she said she couldn’t.  And then...he used his shitty, rule-breaking Subjugglator brain-fucking parlor trick on me.”

“You don’t remember what happened after that?”

“No.  I mean, I woke up, and there was fighting, but then...I passed out.”

“Karkat,” Kanaya said, coaxing him to look her in the eyes.  “The Grand Highblood has captured Feferi.  Sollux saved you, and then I imagine either Vriska or Terezi ordered an attack.  I’m afraid I don’t know the details.”

“He captured Feferi?” Karkat said, feeling his gut sink.  “Shit.  Oh shit.  Oh fuck, Kanaya, he’s going to kill her.”

“I know.”

“What are we going to do?”  His breathing was growing shallow, and panic was pushing up through his chest.

“I don’t know.  But Karkat, listen to me.  You must calm down,” Kanaya said, grabbing him by the shoulders.  “You must stay calm.  You are our leader, not Feferi.  You have to worry about the rest of your troops.”

Karkat continued to wheeze, and Kanaya rubbed his back as he tried to get himself under control.  “Shit—fuck—“ he groaned, forcing himself to regulate his breathing.  “This is—we’re really doing this.  This is a fucking war, sweet Mother Grub, people are going to fucking die—“

“Karkat,” Kanaya said, becoming firm.  “Stop.”

“Kanaya—“

“Karkat.”

“Is—does that mean Terezi’s out there right now?” he asked.

“Yes,” Kanaya said, concealing her disquiet.  “Vriska and Sollux are as well.”

“Are they okay?”

“We have no reason to believe they aren’t.”

“Fuck, Kanaya, I have to—I have to go out there!”

“No, Karkat,” she said.  She grabbed hold of his arm to punctuate her objection.  “You are our leader.  We need you here.”

“What?  No!  The leader needs to be out with his troops!” Karkat said, trying to stand up.

“No, he doesn’t,” Kanaya insisted, pulling him back down onto the bed.  “You are the figurehead of this rebellion.  You must stay alive and help your troops hold onto their resolve.  We need someone behind the lines to ensure that everything stays together and runs smoothly.  That is your job.  Terezi and the rest of them are perfectly capable people, and if they cannot protect themselves, then you will not be able to protect them either.”

“That’s bullshit!” Karkat shouted.  “How the hell am I supposed to sit here and twiddle my thumbs like a goddamn bureaucrat sending flesh through a fucking grinder when—“

“Karkat!” Kanaya hissed, tilting her towards the rest of the tent.  Trolls in various states of injury were watching him shout, listening to him with quiet unease.  He bit his tongue.  Kanaya placed a hand on his shoulder and said, “We need someone to prepare for the arrival of Tavros and Gamzee.  If Tavros fails, we fail.  That is what’s most important.”

“I can’t believe we’re staking our lives on a guy who’s spent the last two sweeps cramming bulges into his nook,” Karkat muttered.

“Please,” Kanaya said, rubbing her temples in frustration.  “Be an example for your troops, and stay where you are needed.”

“...Fine.”

Kanaya sighed and stood, peeking out of the tent at the battle raging across the field.  It was difficult to see through the fray.  She narrowed her eyes, peering through the dust and bodies towards the opposite side of the battle, where the enemy leadership zoomed back and forth on their flashing transport vessels, shouting orders.  The biggest vessel, by far, was the Grand Highblood’s, and it hovered at the base of the hills, eerie, still, and silent.

The Grand Highblood stood at the edge of the craft, watching his officers bark orders at his troops.  Eridan stood slightly behind him.  He had not looked at Feferi, who sat on the floor at the back of the craft framed by an armed guard of culling drones, but his usually straight back and squared shoulders had slumped.  He jumped when the Grand Highblood finally spoke.

“I think it’s mother fuckin’ hilarious,” he said, still facing the battlefield, “that you mother fuckers felt it meet to use my bucket bitch as your weapon.  It’s pretty mother fucking funny, don’t you think, princess?”

“You think weird things are funny,” Feferi said.  The Grand Highblood smirked and turned to face her, and Eridan stepped out of his way, lowering his eyes in submission.  He snuck a glance at Feferi, but she was avoiding his gaze.

“I like you, sister.  It’s a mother fucking shame, I think, how this all worked out,” the Grand Highblood said.

“You just said it was funny,” Feferi responded.

“It is.  It mother fuckin’ is, my sweet.  Do you know why it’s funny?  It’s funny for so many goddamn reasons.”

“I don’t think it is.”

“Listen here, girl.  Open up your hear ducts so I can schoolfeed your precious, royal mother fucking think pan.  Look here at your violet brother.”  The Grand Highblood set his hand on Eridan’s shoulder and gave it a small squeeze.  A slight flush rose on Eridan’s cheek.  “Of all the seadwelling siblings out there fighting—of all the ancient mother fuckers that are older than even I, reaching back to the golden days of Alternia—why is it that this motherfucker is my right hand man in this battle?”

“Because he’s a snitch?” Feferi answered with veiled sarcasm.  The color of Eridan’s flush deepened.

“Damn fucking right, you Highness.  I’m not a mother fucking fool, mind you.  He wants to protect you.  But in his foolishness, he delivered up your head right into my mother fucking hands to crush as I see fit.  That’s fuckin’ hilarious.”

Eridan blanched and looked up.  “What?  No, you said—“

“Quiet,” the Grand Highblood ordered.  His claws dug into Eridan’s shoulders.  Eridan hissed in pain, grabbing the bigger troll’s wrist, and the Grand Highblood sneered down at him before turning back to Feferi.  “You know what else is funny?  This is the second thing: I can murder this mother fucker right here, and no one will stop me.”

Eridan’s eyes widened, and concern flickered over Feferi’s otherwise calm facade.  “Wait,” she said, betraying her hidden anxiety.

“Listen,” the Highblood commanded.  “I have the mother fuckin’ right to kill anyone I damn well please.  I have the right to do ANYTHING, mother fuckers.  My right is divine, respected by my brethren, by the mother fuckin’ rabble bitches I step on, even known to the mother fucking monarch herself as some sacred shit that belongs to me.  I can pop this fucker’s head off right now, just because I mother fuckin’ feel like it.  I can overturn the decision of His Honorable Tyranny because a doomed mother fucker makes me laugh.  I can take the descendent of the historically biggest mother fuckin’ threat to the empire and shove him into a tiny goddamn room and have my mother fuckin’ way with him HOWEVER THE FUCK I WANT because I like the way his pretty, fragile wings glitter, and what mother fucker do you know who’s going to stop me?”

The craft was deathly silent, and the noises of the battlefield sounded pathetic against the tension that hung between the trolls on the vessel.  Feferi didn’t respond, and neither did Eridan, whose breath was coming in short, difficult gasps.  The Grand Highblood was suddenly grave.  “These mother fuckers,” he said, “are trying to strip me of my divine mother fucking right to do whatever the fuck I want whenever the fuck I want.  And I can’t abide by that.  It was funny.  Then it wasn’t funny anymore, and I decided to crush them.  But you know what?  It’s funny again.  Pretty mother fucking amusing, if you ask me.  Do you want to know why?”

Once again, Feferi didn’t answer.

“The Second Summoner and I had a couple chats when we were kicking the shit together, and he told me some of the profane mother fucking stories what make up the lowblood mythology.  I can’t guess you royal mother fuckers would know how things are for the lowest of the low.  But let me fill you the mother fuck in: fairies die if you say you don’t believe in them.  And you want to know about your pretty little fairy, mother fuckers?  He don’t even believe in himself.  He was a small little shit when I got him, and I wiped him all over the mother fucking walls.  I BROKE the mother fucker.  And you think he’s going to be the one to save you all from my wrath?”  The Grand Highblood grinned, a maniacal glow staining his eyes red.  “I broke the mother fucker.  His pathetic little think pan can’t handle the Speaker of the Vast Glub, because I destroyed it.  I do what I want, but I am no mother fucking fool.  Nobody steals up a weapon from their enemies without disarming it first.”

“No,” Feferi said.  Her eyes blazed with defiance.  Eridan tried to signal to her to stay quiet, but she ignored him.  “You forgot something.”

“And what the mother fuck have I forgotten, sweet?”

“You forgot Gamzee!” she said.  “He’s been helping Tavros this whole time.  He’s been sabotaging you and keeping Tavros strong!  You even let Tavros escape and see his friends, and he knows we believe in him!  You say you aren’t a fool, but you are.”

The Grand Highblood stared down at her for a second, and then he threw his head back and laughed.  The sound was violent, and his chucklevoodoos crackled through the air.  “The mother fuckin’ fool of us is you, sister!  Don’t you under-motherfucking-stand yet?”  He stopped laughing and smirked down at her.  “I am going to kill your mother fuckin’ hope fairy.  I am going to spill his mother fucking blood across the battlefield, and your weapon will be wrecked.  And then, I’m going to drag you by your long, luscious hair out to the middle of that motherfucking field, and we are going to set ourselves up for a trial.  Your ex-legislacerator pirate friend can preside.  After you have been found guilty—and you will be found guilty—we will hang you in front of your pathetic army, and your precious blood will run with the swill of the insurgents you encouraged to take up this wretched venture.  Then, we’ll hang the genetic freak Second Sufferer from the hair I shave off your gorgeous corpse.  Over the bodies of the dead my brethren and I will set ourselves up for a mother fucking carnival the likes of which hasn’t been seen in a century or more, and in mirthful reverence and revelry we will pour libations of the bitchin’ elixir onto to bloody ground for our messiahs and the souls of the damned we have slain this day.  The dark carnival will rejoice and say our shit be righteous.  We will raise such pious noise that the blasphemies what have been uttered by the sludge-blooded proletariat will be washed in form, spirit, and memory from the sacred ground of Alternia evermore.”

“You’re wrong,” Feferi shouted.  “I know you are.  You are not going to win this battle!”

The Grand Highblood opened his mouth to respond, but before he could speak, a levitating platform sprung up behind him, and one of Eridan’s seadwelling peers jumped into their vessel.  “Sir!” he greeted with a crisp salute.

“You have five seconds,” the Highblood said, turning slowly, “to state your business before I kill you.”

The violetblood only paused a beat before stammering, “Sir, the Ruffiannihilator ship you ordered we track is entering Alternia’s atmosphere.”

The Grand Highblood soaked in the information and slowly smiled.  “Hear that?” he asked, turning back to Feferi with haughty triumph.  “It’s only a matter of time before they are in my hands.  We are reaching the moment of crisis, your Excellency.”

 “Tavros isn’t going to let you win,” Feferi said.  “I won’t let you win.”

“We’ll see about that,” he sneered.

Chapter Text

The dust began to settle as the ground grew damp with blood.  In the dim purple light of the Alternian moon, Terezi’s honed senses kept her a step ahead of her opponents, whose already compromised vision was blurred by the violent activity that surrounded them.  She used the advantage to cover Vriska as she seized the minds of the enemy, converting them into meaty shields and weapons for the benefit of the rebellion.

“Why are we doing this in the middle of the battlefield?” Terezi asked, cutting down another drone before it could smash Vriska’s head in.

“You were the one who ran out here with no regards for the plan!” Vriska snapped.  Her eyes were squeezed shut, and she was concentrating all her energy on overtaking the largest number of enemies possible.  It was difficult to control up the hemospectrum, however, and she could do nothing against the massive number of drones buzzing up and down the combat zone.  Her limitations were beginning to piss her off.

“That’s—“ Terezi began, but she stopped.  She turned towards the hills, listening intently.  “Something’s coming,” she said.

“What?” Vriska asked.  “Friends or foes?”

“You just said the same word twice.”

“You know what I mean, Pyrope!”

“I can’t tell.  But whatever it is, it’s huge.”

“We’ll worry about it when it gets here,” Vriska said.  “Cover me, damn it!”

Terezi grimaced and returned her attention to the battlefield, catching another drone before it lobbed a culling fork into Vriska’s back.  She kept her ears open, though, and before long, she could feel thin vibrations moving through the ground that had nothing to do with the battle waging above it.  “I know we already have a good number of irons in the fire right now,” she called to Vriska, “but I really think we should be more worried about whatever’s coming this way.”

“I’m busy!”

“You’re about to become busier!”

“We’ll worry about it when—“

“Captain!” a lowblooded soldier shouted, running up to them.  “Captain, the sky!”

Terezi scowled, turning her nose up towards the sky.  There was a huge mass of something coming their way, so dense it blocked the light from the stars.  “What is it?” she asked.  The lowblood shivered and shook his head.

“Wait,” Vriska said, opening her eyes.  “That’s Tavros!”

“What?” Terezi asked.

“Captain!”

The lowblood pointed to the hills.  The moonlight illuminated colossal, lumbering forms crawling over the slopes.  Terezi sniffed harder, creating for herself an Impressionistic mental painting of a gigantic herd of centaurs.  The rumbling in the ground grew more powerful, and the bellows of hundreds of different species of lusii began to roll down hillsides.  Trolls and drones alike were beginning to take notice, pausing to gape at the sheer number of monstrous creatures rushing towards them.  Terezi’s face broke into a grin as a shrill shriek ripped through the noise of the battle.

“He brought my dragon!” she whooped, cackling.  “Nice job, Tavros!”

“No, not nice job!” Vriska shouted.  “I thought you told him the plan!”

“I did.”

“Which plan?”

She shrugged.

“Captain, behind—“  Vriska and Terezi flinched as a culling fork sailed over their heads and impaled the nameless soldier.  They turned with just enough time to duck beneath the spiked arm of the drone.  Before either of them could respond with a counterattack, the drone jerked, and the tip of a horn split through its hard carapace.  Terezi and Vriska stepped out of the way as it fell forward, and Tavros fell with it, grunting and struggling to pull his horn from its shell.

“...Tavros,” Vriska said, watching him push against the drone’s body with his head stuck upside down in its torso.  “What are you doing?”

“I, uh...well, I saw you were being attacked, so I thought I would swoop down and, uh, save you, in a hopefully heroic fashion that was maybe heroic until I got my horn stuck,” he replied, grinning up at her.

“Why didn’t you just use your lance?”

“I don't have it anymore, so that's not so much an option now as it could've been...”

Vriska sighed and rolled her eyes, strolling over to him and yanking him from the corpse.  Terezi laughed.  “Nice job, doofus,” she said.

“Thanks,” Tavros said, rubbing his head as he stood.

“Quit screwing around,” Vriska barked at them.  “Tavros!  Why aren’t you at the beach?  You have to go meet up with Karkat.  Do you think we all want to waste time risking our lives so you can mess around here?  And what’s with these animals?”

“The animals are because it looked like there were a lot of enemies, and I thought that it would be nice to help everyone somehow, since I’d like it better if people didn’t die so much.”

“And what are we going to do with all of them when you’re concentrating on Gl’bgolyb?”

“Um...”

“That’s what I thought,” she said.  “You should have just stuck with the plan Terezi and I came up with!  This whole thinking thing doesn’t suit you.”

“I was going to, but then Gamzee—“

“Of course,” Vriska said, groaning.  “Don’t even say it.  I’m guessing you drug him here with you?”

“I don’t know, actually, because he and the rest of them were riding the lusii down—”

“I’m right the fuck here, motherfuckers,” Gamzee announced, rolling off of a massive hoofbeast.  “What the motherfuck is up, my wicked bitches?”

“Besides the fighting and death, not too much,” Terezi said.

“Okay, fuck this,” Vriska snapped.  “You—“ she said, pointing at Tavros, “get your ass to the beach.  And you—“ she continued, pointing at Gamzee, “make yourself useful.  There are a bunch of Subjugglators around using their chucklevoodoos on us, so if you can do something about that, do it.”

“Yeah, that’d be great,” Terezi said.

They all started as a high-pitch squeal echoed across the beach, followed by a strange, irritating static.  “Hello?” a voice boomed, and they turned towards the rebel encampment.  Aradia, Equius, and Nepeta had all made it to the back lines, and they were standing with Karkat on one of the sturdy lookouts that had been built for the rebel leadership.  Aradia had produced a sound system from her body, and Karkat was holding the microphone, looking thoroughly disturbed by Aradia’s new attachments.

“Just speak into it as you normally would,” Equius urged, and Nepeta suppressed a giggle.

“Okay,” he said, and his voice was projected across the beach.  He grimaced, and Nepeta laughed.  “Shut the fuck up, Nepeta, I’m still getting the hang of it.”

“You should get the hang of it faster,” Aradia said.  “You’re going to need it.”

“I’m working on it, damn it!” Karkat snapped.  “Why the hell do I even need this thing?  This sort of shit is what I have officers for.”

“For that,” Aradia replied, pointing across the field.  The Grand Highblood was buzzing across the battlefield on the back of a drone, bloodthirsty and maniacal determination adding an air of insanity to his grinning face.  His massive frame dwarfed the drone and it was having a hard time carrying him in a straight line, but there was no mistake his sights were set on a particular target.  Karkat followed his gaze and saw his two top officers standing with Tavros and Gamzee, all of whom were staring at him with mixed levels of chagrin.

“What’s he looking at?” Terezi asked, sniffing the air.

“Who the fuck cares?” Vriska said, turning back to Tavros.  “You see that obvious wooden structure, Pupa?  Go there.”

“GRAND HIGHBLOOD WARNING!” Karkat roared into the microphone.  “GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR ASSES, YOU SENSELESS MORONS!”

The entire battlefield erupted into panic as the rebel forces looked around frantically to locate the Highblood, and an enthusiastic roar of approval rose from the enemy troops.  With an order from the enemy leadership, drones across the field rose into the air, obscuring the Highblood.  The group on the ground readied themselves for strife.  “I’m going to go help them!” Nepeta said, jumping from the structure and scampering away.

“Nepeta, wait!” Karkat shouted, but she bounded into the fray.  “Goddamn it, am I actually the leader of this bullshit insurrection, or am I just some idiot parrot you bulgechomps put up here to make a fuck ton of irritating noise?”

“Go after her, Equius,” Aradia said, turning to him.  “Protect her.”

“Yeah, no shit, go after her!” Karkat said.  “Why are you even still here?  She’s your fucking moirail, go protect her ass!”

Taken aback, Equius said, “The most crucial element of the plan was to protect the lowblood as he communed with the Empress’s lusus, was it not?  I was instructed to stay here at all costs.”

“You have your own lowblood to protect!” Karkat snapped.  “Leave Tavros to his own batshit crazy quadrant partners!”

“Right,” Equius said, straightening into an informal salute and turning to leap from the dais.

Karkat turned back to the battlefield and shouted into the microphone, “Tavros, you sack of shit!  Get your ass over here!”

“The Highblood has him,” Aradia said.

“What?!” Karkat said with a gasp, a sickening shock of adrenaline shooting through his body.  He trained his eyes on the spot he had last seen Tavros, but the Highblood was still a quarter of the battlefield away and Tavros hasn’t moved an inch.  “No, what the fuck are you talking about?  Damn it, Aradia, you almost gave me cardiac arrest.”

“It’s his chucklevoodoos,” Aradia said.

Karkat narrowed his eyes, squinting through the dust and the darkness to get a better look.  “Tavros!” he called into the microphone, but Tavros stayed rigidly still.  “Shit,” Karkat muttered, and he lifted the microphone back to his mouth.  “Chucklevoodoo warning on Tavros!” he shouted.  “Someone snap him the hell out of it!”

“I will stall the Highblood,” Aradia said.  She lifted a hand in the air, and a huge chuck of soil lifted from the ground in front of them, which she lobbed at the drone carrying the Highblood.  He dropped just before impact, sending them a dirty look before taking off across the combat zone on foot.  Karkat felt the invasive nausea strike him again.

“Nice job,” he said, fighting the urge to drop to his knees.  “That’ll buy them some time.”

Vriska watched the Grand Highblood fall.  She turned to Terezi, who was slapping Tavros in the face as Gamzee watched with growing annoyance.  “What’s the hold up?” she demanded.

“Tavros!” Terezi shouted, ignoring Vriska.  He continued to stare ahead of him with bright colors flickering in his eyes.  She went to slap him again, but Gamzee grabbed her hand before it made contact.

“Stop that motherfuckin’ shit,” he said.  “If the old motherfucker’s got him in his rude mirthtrace, ain’t no drubbings that’ll be gettin’ him up out of it.”

“Do something, idiot!” Terezi snapped, yanking her hand away.  “Counter-voodoo him!”

“There’s no shit like that what’s in my capabilities to do,” Gamzee said.  “We gotta kill the motherfucker.”

“So let’s kill him!” Terezi said, turning towards the direction of the Grand Highblood.

“Now you’re talking, sister!” Gamzee said, pulling his clubs from his specibus.  Vriska groaned as they took off across the combat zone, heading straight for the Highblood.  She turned towards Tavros and scowled.

“Hold still, pupa,” she said, putting her hand to her temple.  “I’ve only done this once before, and it didn’t go so well.  Let’s see how much I’ve improved.”

She concentrated, and her consciousness pressed into Tavros’s.  She found a wall of dark, oppressive energy whirling around the metaphysical plane of his mind, obscuring it from her.  She hesitated. The last time she had come into contact with a Subjugglator’s chucklevoodoos, it had fucked with her think pan, and no Subjugglator had the same mastery over the chucklevoodoos that the Grand Highblood had.  But there was far more at stake now than there had been then.  Sure, it had been a matter of life and death the first time around, but now, the future of trollkind rested on Tavros’s shoulders and she knew it.  Her little pupa had grown up to be so important, and even though he had two perfectly dysfunctional redrom quadrant partners and didn’t need her, she wasn’t going to let him go without leaving some bigger mark on his existence.  Let Terezi and Gamzee run across the battlefield to engage the Highblood. She would succeed where they had failed, and Tavros would owe her for the rest of his life.

She inhaled and dove in.  She was instantly assailed by overwhelming shockwaves of nausea, which pulsed through her psychic connection into her physical body.  She grit her teeth and pressed further, digging and clawing deeper.  Her gut churned and her heart pounded against her ribcage, and she felt concentrated liquid drops of horror and agony and grief drip like an IV into her veins, but somewhere underneath it all she felt the shivering essence of Tavros huddling against the very bottom of his mind.  He was pitiful, and she hated it.  She wanted to pull him out and slap him for being so absolutely afraid.  It was his fear that enabled her to reach out to him through the tangible sludge of the Grand Highblood’s chucklevoodoos and wrap her shining consciousness around his, buffering him against the overwhelming presence of his unyielding aggressor.

“Snap out of it!” she shrieked at him, mentally and physically.  “How many times do I need to tell you that you can do better than this?”

He stirred.  He reached out to her, all the sorrowful wreckage of his soul coming to her for protection and reassurance, and she soaked him in.  They pushed back against the Grand Highblood.  Together, they fought against his tyranny.

And suddenly, they were soaring.  Literally.  They both rose bodily into the air in a haze of red and blue plasma, and they were rocketing across the battlefield.

Sollux dumped the two of them on the wooden planks before Karkat, who fell on them, grabbing Tavros and shaking him.  “Wake the fuck up!” he shouted.  “It’s time to stop being possessed and start possessing!”

“Whoa, what the fuck, Kk, let the guy go to the medical tent before you kick the shit out of him,” Sollux said, flipping Karkat over his own head with his psionics.

Karkat sprung to his feet and demanded, “Where have you been?”

“I wath trying to get to Fef, but shit’s crathy down there,” he said.  Vriska and Tavros began to stir, each of them holding their heads and moaning.

“Well, stay the fuck here,” Karkat said.  “Once this monster pops its ugly head above the surface of the water, we’re killing it, and I need all the psychic manpower I can fucking get.”

“You do know that it’th the psychic manpower that’th going to die firtht, don’t you?” Sollux said.

“Shut up, no one is going to die,” Karkat snapped.  Noticing Tavros sit up, he grabbed him underneath the armpits and hauled him to his feet.  “Rise and shine, Princess Fly!  You have work to do!”

“Damn it, Karkat, step the fuck off,” Vriska said, making a shaky attempt to stand as well.  She plopped back onto her ass, dropping her head between her knees.

“No, he’s right,” Tavros stuttered.  His face glistened with a thin sheen of sweat and he was still blinking the blur from his eyes, but there was a deep determination in the set of his jaw.  “I’ll start.”

Vriska scowled as he spread his wings.  He rose, flying high above the activity of the beach where he could look out on the water unimpeded.  The noise of combat sounded thin, and in the darkness of the night, the image of the sea was almost soothing.  He breathed deeply, trying his best to clear the sooty remains of the Grand Highblood from his mind.  It made a difference to be outside, where the breeze could ghost over his skin and swirl clean and clear in his lungs.  Even though he had forgotten what it felt like to be rid of the Highblood’s chucklevoodoos completely, Tavros still felt an odd peace blossom above the horror.  It felt, for once, as if there could actually be a paradise at the end of the struggle like Gamzee had always promised.  It was a beautiful and compelling thought, almost as energizing as the fresh air flowing around him.  As if to confirm the idea and prove its worth, Terezi’s dragon soared up to meet him, circling him protectively.  He smiled and brought his hands to his temple.

Vriska turned to glare at Karkat.  “You can figure out what we’re going to do with his lusus army, General.”

“Shove it up your seedflap,” Karkat said, watching Tavros intently.

She huffed.  “How’s Pyrope doing with the Grand Highblood?” she asked, peering out over combat zone.

“She’th coming thith way,” Sollux answered.  “I sthaw her.”

“Wait, then where’s Gamzee?” Karkat asked, looking away from Tavros.  “Did they actually kill the Highblood?”

Sollux shrugged.  “The Grand Highblood abthconded like a giant panthy.  Ath for Gamthee...I thought I sthaw thith weirdo with a giant white ball on hith head sthanding with them when I wath going to pick up thethe two up, but I had better thingth to do than sthtick around and sthtare.”

“A guy with a white ball on his head?” Karkat asked.  “What the fuck?”

Sollux shrugged again.  “Fuck if I know, Kk, there’th sthome weird shit happening out there.  Like I sthaid, it’th crathy.”

“Did you see Nepeta?”

“Yeah, she’th kicking ath and taking nameth sthomewhere with Equiuth.”

“Good,” Karkat said, sighing and crossing his arms.  He looked back up at Tavros.  “What’s taking him so long?”

“She’th down there deep, Kk.  It’th going to be a bit.”

“He’d better hurry the fuck up.  He’s a sitting quackbeast up there.”

On the other side of the combat zone, the Grand Highblood climbed over the side of his vessel, scowling.  His injuries were minimal, but Gamzee and Terezi had managed to land a blow or two.  He turned to the battle and his eyes skimmed the skyline.  After a few seconds of searching, he found Tavros, silhouetted against the moon.

“How long,” he said over his shoulder at Eridan, “does it take a broken bitch to summon a demon?”

“I...haven’t the faintest idea,” he responded.

“Your seadwelling mentors didn’t tell you that, hmm?” the Highblood sneered, turning towards him.  “The Summoner was at it for twenty minutes, and we still managed to kill the motherfucker before he succeeded.  Do you think this pathetic shit will do better?”

Eridan eyes flashed in Feferi’s direction before he answered, “No, I don’t.”

“You’re right,” the Highblood said.  He turned back to the battlefield.  “Kill him.”

“Who—me?” Eridan asked, startled.  He glanced openly at Feferi, and she shook her head at him, eyes wide.

“Did I mother fucking stutter?”

“Why don’t you get one’a your stupid lackeys to do it?” Eridan asked.

“What’d you think you were?” the Highblood said.  He turned his head just enough for Eridan to see the orange of his narrowed eyes, and Eridan felt the blood drain from his face.

“...Fine,” he said.  His mouth felt dry as he pulled Ahab’s Crosshairs from his specibus.

“Eridan, no!” Feferi shouted as he approached the edge of the platform.  “If you kill him, we have no hope, Eridan!”

“We ain’t got hope anyways, Fef,” he said. 

“Please, Eridan!”

Eridan’s lips pressed into a thin line as he raised his weapon.  The Highblood’s face remained impassive as he took aim and set his finger on the trigger.  He could hear Feferi’s voice, begging him to reconsider.  He closed his eyes, and, feeling his gut clench, he pivoted and fired.

The Grand Highblood bellowed as purple blood gushed from his side, and Eridan took advantage of his momentary disorientation to fire into the drones guarding Feferi.  “Run!” he shouted at her, and she blinked back at him, her mouth hanging open.  Before he could yell at her again, the Grand Highblood’s hand was at his neck, and his other hand was firmly embedded in the flesh of his gut, goring him through the diaphragm in one jarring blow.

“ERIDAN!” Feferi shrieked as his knees buckled.  The Highblood held onto him, glaring down at him with bright red eyes and bared teeth.  He twisted his hand, ripping and tearing the flesh he held gripped in his massive fist, and his mouth curled into an insane smirk as Eridan spewed bright, violent blood onto the floor next to his own cooler purple.

“I knew you were a motherfucking fool the moment you contacted me,” he said, releasing him.  Eridan fell to the floor, gasping.  The Highblood glanced up at Feferi, who pulled her trident from her specibus, hissing.  His smile widened.  “Are you going to kill me, sweet?”

“Cod, I want to,” she snarled.  The drones Eridan had missed circled around her, brandishing their own culling forks.  The Highblood inspected the wound on his side, frowning, before picking up the Crosshairs.

“Give me a moment, Princess,” he said, turning towards Tavros and taking aim.  “I have a cheap mother fucking toy to break.”

Feferi shrieked in rage as his finger found the trigger, and she threw her trident.  It whizzed through the air and pierced him the thigh, but the blow only slightly misdirected the beam of the weapon.  The blue ray streaked through the night sky.

“Look out!” Karkat roared, but Tavros didn’t have enough time to react.  The shot sliced effortlessly though the thin membrane of his wing and pierced his shoulder.  The white-hot shock of pain blinded him and he cried out, clutching the injury as his arm went limp.  The membrane of his wing glowed red where the searing energy of the beam penetrated it, and the heat ate at the film, burning outwards and consuming the wing.  It melted away in gooey globs, which fell like shimmering rain to the ground.  As the shock lifted, Tavros noticed himself falling, and he flapped the remains of his wings to right himself.  To his horror, he began to lose altitude.

“Tavros!” Terezi screamed, running into the rebel base camp.  Kanaya darted out of the medical tent and stood next to her, staring wide-eyed as Tavros plummeted.  Terezi’s dragon released a shrill cry and curled through the air, following after him.  He reached out with his good hand as she slid beneath him, grabbing onto the base of her wing, and she turned towards the hills, soaring over the battlefield with a sharp howl.

A blood-chilling noise ripped from the Grand Highblood’s throat, and he shredded Ahab’s Crosshairs in his grip.  With unspeakable fury, he pulled the trident from his thigh and slung it at Feferi.

“I was going to treat you to a proper motherfucking death like what you deserve,” he said as she fell to her knees, gasping and gripping the handle of the weapon sunk three prongs deep into her body.  His eyes burned with luminescent wrath.  “But you know what, sister?  I think this is a more MOTHER FUCKING FITTING end for you.”

Fangs bared, he grabbed a microphone located on a control panel near the front of the craft and bellowed, “BEGIN THE EXECUTION.”  The words echoed across the combat zone, and everyone flinched, shivering with a bizarre but brief discomfort.  Without another word, the Highblood hurdled over the side of the vessel, dropping to the ground.  He grabbed the nearest floating platform and yanked the Subjugglator officer off of it, rising into the air and sailing towards the hills after Tavros.

“Fef,” Eridan called, gasping wetly.  Trembling, she looked towards him.  Translucent violent tears slid from his eyes, and his entire torso was a damp, sticky mess of blood.  Her body quaked as she repressed a sob.

“Eridan, I’m so sorry,” she said.  She couldn’t control the trembling.  Her whole body shivered.  “I’m so sorry, Eridan.  Eridan...”

“Fef,” he said again.  Blood slopped over his lips.  She held the trident in her body as she scooted towards him.  “Fef...call a retreat...call—call a retreat, Fef, you’ve got to...”

Her trembles slowly stilled, and her eyes widened.  “What?”

Eridan opened his mouth, but his first word was obscured by a bubble of blood.  “—die, Fef.  The execution...everyone...”

An unlikely surge of adrenaline pulsed through her as she looked up.  Across the battlefield, drones one by one slowly began to rise into the air, pulling out and preparing huge, identical cannons.  Without thinking, she yanked the trident out of her torso and stumbled to her feet, staggering to the microphone the Highblood had used to call the strike.  She inhaled the best she could, and with all the energy she mustered, she shouted, “RETREAT!”  She continued to shout the word into the microphone, chanting it even as her vision blurred from blood loss.

Everyone across the battlefield, rebel and imperialist alike, turned in confusion as more drones began to rise.  Nepeta looked towards the Grand Highblood’s vessel, Equius’s large frame leaning heavily on her shoulders.  A number of reinforced arrows protruded from both of his legs.  She herself had suffered a rather serious blow to the head, and olive blood dripped from her brow.

“Isn’t that Feferi?” she asked, steadying Equius as he began to teeter.

“...Yes,” he answered.  “She’s ordering a retreat.”

“For us, or for them?”

“I’m not sure.”

In the rebel encampment, a frustration headache was threatening to spilt Karkat’s skull.  “What the fuck is happening?” he hollered, watching with livid disbelief as the drones rose.

“Don’t just stand there, dumbass, do something!” Vriska snapped.  “We have to go after Tavros!”

“Yeah!” Terezi yelled up at them from the base of the lookout.

“Fef’th calling a retreat!” Sollux argued.  “We have to call a retreat!”

“What about Tavros?” Vriska demanded.  “We’re fucking dead without him!”

“Karkat,” Aradia said, and they all turned to her.  She looked at him with as much gravity as her robot face could produce and said, “Call a retreat.”

He stared at her for a fraction of a second before turning back to the battle and shouting into the microphone, “Okay, fuckers, time’s up!  EVERYBODY GET YOUR ASSES BACK TO CAMP PRONTO!”

Nepeta and Equius turned as they heard Karkat’s voice booming over the chaos and confusion.  The trolls around them had gotten the hint and were sprinting as fast as they could to their respective sides of the battle.  Around them, the wounded and dying were calling for aid, begging anyone that passed to help them back to their encampments, but nobody paid them any heed.  Nepeta glanced up at Equius.

“Can you run?” she asked.  He frowned and slowly shook his head.  Nepeta glanced around at the troll scrambling for safety, swallowing down a surge of panic.  “That’s—that’s okay!  I can carry you!  Here, get on my back...”

“You cannot carry me, Nepeta,” he said, pulling his arm from her shoulder.  “There is no time.  Go.”

Her mouth fell open as he plopped onto the ground.  “Wha—no, Equius, don’t sit down,” she said, grabbing onto his arm.  “We have to retreat!”

“You have a concussion,” he said, shaking her off.  “You cannot walk in a straight line, let alone run with someone my size on your back.  You must go without me.”

“No!” she said, grabbing him again and pulling.  “Get up!”

“You will not make it with me."

“Then I won’t go!” she shouted, yanking on him.  “If you won’t go, I won’t go!  I won’t go without you!”

“You will go without me,” he commanded, pushing her away.

“NO!” she shrieked.  He glared at her, and she glared back, big, olive drops sliding from her watery eyes.  Her lip trembled, but she was resolute.  Equius’s heart dropped.

“We will both die,” he said.  Nepeta nodded shakily.  “What about the mutantblood?”  Tears gushed down her face, but she shook her head.  Equius furrowed his brow, frowning.  “He will not be happy with you.”

She swallowed and choked out a small laugh.  “I think...we both knew this would happen anyway.”

Equius sighed and lifted his arm, and she crawled under it.  Trolls continued to rush past them, but the two of them remained silent.  “Equius?” Nepeta finally said.

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry.”

“So am I.”

Karkat watched the trolls rushing in, feeling a strange dread pool in his chest.  He looked around him at his officers, and he skimmed over the encampment.  Frowning, he turned to Kanaya and asked, “Where’s Nepeta?”

She started.  “Isn’t she...she isn’t here, is she?”

A chill spread like ice crystals through his limbs, and he turned back to the panicked crowd pushing past the trenches and barriers that separated them from the combat zone.  “Where is she?”

“There,” Aradia said, pointing to the middle of the battlefield.  His eyes flickered over the moving forms, and the dread tripled, becoming subzero anxiety.

“I don’t see her!”

“There they are,” Kanaya said.  “On the ground.”

Finally, his eyes penetrated the low-lying dust and he spotted her and Equius, huddled on the bloody dirt.  “What the fuck are they doing?” he demanded, and everyone heard his voice rise in pitch.  Nobody answered.  He fumbled with the microphone and brought it to his mouth.  “Nepeta,” he called across the battlefield, and he saw her flinch with recognition.  “Nepeta, get your scrawny ass back to the encampment!  We’re calling a retreat for fuck’s sake!  Are you deaf?”

Neither she nor Equius moved.

“Nepeta!” he tried again.  “What the fuck, get up!”

“They’re wounded,” Aradia said.  Karkat’s heart stopped beating.  The ground beneath his feet seemed to shift.  For once, he found himself speechless.

A quiet hum began to reverberate through the air.  They looked up, and all of the drones had risen high above the battlefield, each of them holding now fully assembled and energized cannons over their shoulders.  Bright, golden light glowed at each of the muzzles, which were all trained on the extensive field below them that was still swarming with trolls from both sides of the conflict.

“Holy shit!” Sollux said with a gasp.  “We got to put up stheilds!”

“Yeah,” Aradia said.

Sollux shoved Karkat out of the way and yanked the microphone from his grasp.  “All pthionicth report to the front, we need sthome crathy stheild action happening!”

“No, wait!” Karkat said, grabbing the microphone back.  He held it up in both of his shaking hands, staring down at the now illuminated forms of Nepeta and Equius.  “Nepeta!” he shouted.  “Nepeta, don’t you fucking dare give up!  DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE GIVE UP!  Nepeta, get BACK here!”

He paused as Equius lifted his hand, and he flinched as Aradia lifted hers as well.  He swatted it back down.  “Don’t encourage them!” he snapped, his voice breaking.  When he looked back, Nepeta had raised her hand to him, waving with a sad smile on her lips.  “No,” he choked.  He shook his head, and a pink tear flicked from his lashes.  “No. No no no no NO NO NO.  STOP IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, NEPETA, SO HELP ME GOD—Nepeta—NEPETA!!”

A solid wall of dirt, stone, and multi-colored semi-translucent plasma rose in front of them as the psionics created a shield to block the attack, obscuring their view.  Kanaya wrapped her arms around Karkat as he continued to shriek into the microphone, and seconds later, a strobe of blinding light overtook the night, burning the image of hell into the retinas of the survivors.

Chapter Text

“Where the motherfuck...?” Gamzee said, looking around him.  There was nothing in the barren green landscape that struck him as notable, and he recognized no familiar landforms in his surroundings.  Moments before, he had been in the middle of a dark battleground, preparing to chase his ancestor down and kill him.  He turned a full circle, but his whereabouts remained a mystery.

“Hello,” a smooth voice greeted him, and Gamzee whipped around.  A short, primly dressed man with a disproportionally large cue ball head had appeared behind him.

“Whoa there, motherfucker, who the fuck are you?” Gamzee asked.  He kept his voice quiet, but his hands tightened around the clubs in his fists.

“I am usually referred to as Doc Scratch, if that suits your fancy,” Doc Scratch answered.  “I am the Guardian of Alternia.  Strictly speaking, I am omniscient, but my mastery does not extend outside of the alpha timeline, so you must forgive me if I seem a little uncertain about the smaller details of your particular existence.”

“What...?”

“I see you are confused.  As you should be—I did tear you rather unceremoniously from the fray.  It was rude of me, I admit, but there is more pressing business to conduct.”

“Hold up, motherfucker,” Gamzee said, and the volume of his voice began to rise.  “What you mean to be motherfuckin’ saying at me is the thing that up and stole me from the miraculous motherfuckin’ chance I finally got into my wrathful fuckin’ claws to be all about culling the wicked shit out of my most hated ancestor was motherfuckin’ you?”

“Hmm,” Doc Scratch hummed.  Despite his lack of facial expressions, he managed to produce an air of cool disdain for Gamzee’s vernacular.  “Yes, I suppose that is more or less what I am saying.”

“You wanna fuckin’ die, brother?” Gamzee snarled, lifting his clubs.  Doc Scratch sighed and lifted a hand.  The clubs disappeared in a flash of green electricity.  Gamzee gasped, but within seconds he had regained composure and was baring his fangs at Doc Scratch, eyes blazing red.

“Please, do not bother directing your chucklevoodoos towards me.  They will not work,” Doc Scratch said.  “Allow me to explain my actions.  I have a proposition for you which you will not likely refuse.”

“What proposition you got for me ain’t worth the damage you done."

“It is,” said Doc Scratch.  “It concerns your messiahs.  Surely you are not so blinded by the circumstances surrounding your present condition to have forgotten your messiahs?”

Gamzee paused, and an air of smug triumph radiated from Doc Scratch.  “Whatever rude shit you have to say about my messiahs can’t be nothing but blasphemies and lies,” Gamzee said.

“On the contrary,” Doc Scratch responded, “the blasphemer among us is you, as you are fully aware.”

“What the fuck did you say?”

“You have allowed fools to convince you that it is okay to continue believing in something you know to be false.  And you do know that what you believe is false.  You are stuck firmly between a fairy tale and your ancestor’s misguided dogma, and you have been wise to that fact for the entirety of your adult life.”

Gamzee frowned. “The messiahs are a lie, motherfucker.  There’s no thing like what they say the Vast Honk is supposed to be, except for what me and my bro were going to be about bringing down with some ample mother fuckin' destruction.  All the other shit is nothing but false fakey fraudy con jobs from a bunch of unschooled carnival bullshit priests.”

“Tut, you are being far too cynical,” Doc Scratch said.  “The Vast Honk is not a lie, nor are your messiahs.  At least, not in the grand scheme of paradox space.  You are simply in the wrong place and time to appreciate that.  Or rather, the wrong timeline.”

“What do you mean by that?” Gamzee asked.  “What the motherfuck’s this timeline bullshit you’re all trying to stuff into my motherfuckin’ hearducts?”

“It’s a long story, and although I wouldn’t mind entertaining your curiosity about it at a later date, I think it best we stayed focused on the topic,” Doc Scratch said.  “What you need to know is that your messiahs are incontestably real in the most legitimate version of reality, which, for unfortunate reasons involving an untimely rebellious streak in an acquaintance of yours, you and your friends have missed entirely.  I am therefore extending an exclusive invitation to you to leave this doomed timeline and join an army of your paradox selves in aiding those messiahs.”

Gamzee stared at him, speechless.  His mind worked itself around the implications of the statement while it simultaneously ran sweeps of misinformation and painful experiences through his think pan at an agonizing rate.  The previous adrenaline of battle dripped from his veins and sank to his fingertips and toes.  “So, what you’re trying to say at me, brother, is that what all has happened at me and mine is all motherfuckin’ lies, and that what’s really real isn’t us?”

“In a word, yes.”

“When you go on sayin’ ‘exclusive invitation,’ what you mean is—“

“Only you.  You are in many ways a special case.”

“But...I can’t up and leave my bros behind.  I can’t be all dropping what matters to me in my heart for no motherfuckin’ dream like what you be waving at me.”

“You can, and you will.  This is decided.  It has always been decided, and it always will be, simply because you will always choose your messiahs over your friends.  This is what makes you a special case.  Out of all instances of reality that are possible, you alone will always, without fail, choose the same thing, every time.”

Gamzee was silent.  He shuffled his feet and said, “I can’t leave my bros behind like that.  My Karkat and my Tavros...I can’t up and go, not knowing what will happen to them...”

“They will die,” Doc Scratch answered.  Gamzee’s eyes shot up, and a look of despair crossed his face.  Doc Scratch sighed.  “Listen,” he said.  “You are quite high on the hemospectrum.  Your blood color promises you a lifespan of thousands if not hundreds of thousands of sweeps.  On the other hand, both of your red partners are on the lower end of the hemospectrum, and they will not survive until the end of the first hundred.  You will be left without a paradise, living a lonely, miserable life centuries past the deaths of your loved ones, slowly becoming the mirror image of the man you hate most.”  He paused for effect and continued, “They will die.  They will die if you leave, and they will die if you stay.  There are far more constructive uses of your time and energy than wasting them here on conflicts that, in the full context of paradox space, do not matter in the slightest.”

“So that’s the motherfuckin’ end of that, then, is it?” Gamzee said, drooping.  He clenched his fist.  “Will I never get to see my motherfuckers again?”

“Surely you will,” Doc Scratch replied.  “The nature of paradox space ensures that you will never be rid of them entirely.”

“Are they still there?” Gamzee pressed.  “Are they still all fighting for their motherfuckin’ lives out there?  Can’t I help my brothers out one last motherfuckin’ time before I disappear?”

“Would you like to see?” Doc Scratch asked.  “I can show you, but I will not take you there.”

“Show me,” Gamzee said.  Doc Scratch bowed his bulbous head, and the white surface flickered green and gold before reflecting a vision of the battlefield on Alternia.  The combat zone was nothing but bone-dry dust and the charred remains of trolls, drones, and lusii.  At opposite ends of the wide area, the armies huddled, waiting for the drones to land.  The vision projected through Doc Scratch’s head zoomed across the sterile wasteland and focused on the rebellion’s encampment, finding Karkat perched atop his lookout.  He had fallen to his knees and sat staring out at the desolation, mouth hanging open and hands dropped at his sides.  The encampment was silent.

Kanaya’s hand rested on Karkat’s shoulder.  Slowly, she kneeled and wrapped her arms around him.  “I’m sorry,” she murmured.

“You knew,” Karkat whispered.  Kanaya glanced at him.

“Knew wha—“

“Yes,” Aradia answered.  Kanaya looked over her shoulder at Aradia in surprise.  She opened her mouth to ask another question, but Sollux landed on the platform and cut her off with an air of open urgency.

“I’m going to go to the Grand Highblood’th ship,” he said.  “Fef’th not yelling into that mic anymore and I don’t like it.”

“Go,” Aradia said for Karkat.  He nodded and flew away.

“This wasn’t in the plan,” Terezi said, plopping down next to Vriska.

“Was that a joke?” Karkat asked.  “Are you making jokes right now?”

“What do you want from us?” Vriska said.  “We’re not dead, so we might as well get over it and start brainstorming the next step.”

“Get over it?” Karkat hissed, turning towards her.  “My matesprit is dead.”

“We’re all going to be dead if we don’t figure out what to do about Tavros, General.”

“What the fuck do you mean, ‘figure out what to do about Tavros’?  He’s probably dead, too! We’ve failed.  It’s over.”

“Tavros is not dead,” Aradia said.

“See?” Vriska said, gesturing at Aradia.  “Not that I didn’t already know that.  I can feel his mind, stupid.”

“Oh, so he’s not dead yet,” Karkat corrected himself with a venomous sneer.

“Which is enough!  We need to figure out a rescue plan before the Grand Highblood snaps his neck!” Vriska said.

“I second that motion,” Terezi agreed.

“Shut up,” Karkat shouted.  “I don’t fucking care about Tavros right now!  That’s your job!  Aren’t you supposed to be his fucking moirail?  You’re doing great, by the way.  You sure did protect him.  Damn, I only wish my moirail were as good as you.  But he doesn’t seem to be around, does he?  Maybe he’s off saving your moirail like a decent matesprit would!  A good goddamn matesprit wouldn’t loiter around and wait for your awful ass to save him while you sit here chewing on your claws and making fucking plans!  A good matesprit wouldn't--fucking--fuck. Fuck your plans!  Fuck everything!  This rebellion is a failure!  We’re done!  Game over!”

“Is Gamzee over there already?” Terezi asked, ignoring Karkat’s outburst and turning to Vriska.

“I don’t think so.”

“He’s not,” Aradia said.

“I don’t know where he is,” Vriska said, frowning.

“Maybe he’s dead, too!” Karkat exclaimed, throwing his hands up.  “It’s too bad Sollux isn’t here to tell us which of our not-yet-dead voices are still jabbering at him and which have finally stopped talking.  Do you think I should call him back over and ask him?  He’s probably done mourning the loss of his matesprit by now anyway!”

“Karkat, you need to calm down,” Kanaya said.  “If you keep yelling like this, your troops will hear.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Vriska grumbled.

“Maybe if my moirail were here to comfort me I’d be able to, but I probably have to go dig his clown ass from the dust,” Karkat snapped, and Kanaya noticed the quiver in his lips.

“Gamzee is not dead,” Aradia said.

“Fucking STOP,” Karkat roared, stumbling to his feet to glare at Aradia with deep, seething resentment and growing grief.  “Stop acting like you know every goddamn thing!  You—you really did know all of this would happen, didn’t you?  YOU FUCKING KNEW ALL OF THIS WOULD HAPPEN.”

“Yes.”

“You could have stopped it!”

“No.”

“You could have done something!”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?  Your matesprit is dead too!  Did you not notice?  Did you not notice he’s dead?  You FUCKING WAVED TO HIM, you emotionless tin trashcan!  Your matesprit is dead and you knew he was going to die and you did nothing about it.  Don’t you care?”

Aradia waited for Karkat’s breathing to even out a little before she answered, “I might have cared once.  If I had known when I was younger that this would happen, I wouldn’t have stopped listening to the voices when it mattered most.  We were supposed to do something very important that we did not do because I decided we shouldn’t.  This is the consequence.  It’s my fault.  I’m sorry.”

“I don’t know what you mean."

“I know.”

“Do you or do you not care?”

“Do you want me to care?”

“Fucking YES I want you to care!”

“If I could, I would.  But I don’t remember what it feels like to be sad.”

Karkat’s shoulders slumped.  “You could have at least stopped her,” he said.  “You could have said something.  You could have—you could have left us in our cave, and none of this would have ever happened.”

“I’m sorry,” Aradia said, and Karkat sunk to his knees again and pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes. He suppressed a small sob and was silent.  There was a beat of uncomfortable silence.

“Karkat,” Kanaya said, reaching out to him.  “I know it’s hard, but—“

“You don’t,” he said, the words drawn out in a moan, and he caught another sob in his throat.  It hissed through his teeth. “You don’t know.  You don’t understand, okay?  This fucking sucks.”

“I do,” Vriska said.  “I get it.  I’ve lost a matesprit before.  It does fucking suck, doesn’t it?  And you know what?  There’s another guy I really care about out there right now who’s getting the shit beat out of him, and for all we know, he could be dead soon, too.”  Terezi grimaced, but Vriska ignored her.  “That’s my fault.  I treated him like a weapon, and now he’s going to die.  And it’s my fault.  Cry all you want about Nepeta, but at least she chose to be a part of this stupid rebellion.”

“Thanks,” Karkat said with his hands still pressed to his eyes.  “I feel better now that you’ve proven you’re worse than me.”

“Look, dummy,” Terezi said, gesturing at the encampment.  The number of trolls had thinned, and many of the survivors suffered violent wounds.  They rested, some comforting each other but many sitting alone.  “Look at all these people.  You think you’re the only one whose matesprit died fighting for you?  I bet most of these trolls lost some kind of quadrant partner, and nobody’s flipping their shit about it but you.  You’re our leader.  These soldiers are your responsibility, and just look at you.  You really know how to keep spirits high.”

Karkat peeked out from behind his hands and his eyes roamed over the dismal forms of his remaining army.  His lips thinned as he made eye contact with troll after troll, who watched the lookout for impending orders despite the clear drop in morale.  They were still prepared to fight.  The battle was over, but the war was not, and it seemed only a handful of soldiers shared Karkat’s mentality that they had already lost.

“It’s...it’s not over, is it?”

“Durr,” Terezi said.

“You got us here, so you can’t wimp out now,” Vriska said.  “The captain goes down with the ship.”

Karkat paused and said, “This is my fault.”

“Oh my god,” Terezi said with a groan.  “That’s not what anybody meant.”

“But it is,” he said, turning back towards them.  “I got us here.  You literally just said that.”

“I also just said it’s my fault,” Aradia said.

“But it’s my fault,” Karkat said.  “It was my decision to start this rebellion.  It was my shitty leadership that got us here.  Over and over again I made godawful decisions that forced us to this crisis point.  You’re right.  This is my responsibility.”

“Well, that is true,” Aradia said.  “It was your godawful decisions that moved things along.”

“If I remember right, it was Nepeta who really pushed this rebellion,” Terezi said.  “Maybe you should think about that for a moment.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Karkat demanded, tensing.

“Wait, Karkat,” Kanaya said, patting his back.  “Let’s keep on topic.”

“Isn’t Sollux our auspistice now?” Terezi asked.

“It doesn’t matter."

“It really doesn’t,” Aradia agreed.

"Who the hell knows why," Vriska said.

“It doesn’t matter,” Kanaya insisted.  “Karkat.  It’s like you said before.  This is an insurrection for desperate dreamers.  You might be leading us, but we’re the ones following you.  No one came here because they were forced to, and no one is leaving.  We’re desperate.  We’re dreamers.  We are the ones who chose to believe in something better, and we’re not going to give up now.  So, please...don’t give up on us.”

He pressed his lips into a thin line and exhaled. “I got it, okay?” he said, shrugging her off.  “I’m fucking sad, but there’s something bigger than me and my romantic interests at stake and I would have to be a huge, bulbous sack of bile to forsake everyone now.”  He looked at her with heavy, uncharacteristic seriousness.  “I suffer because I love, right?  That’s what you said.”

“That is what I said,” she said as though she felt guilty about saying it.

“So basically it’s my destiny to helplessly watch my matesprit die and then push through the grief on sheer willpower alone in order to liberate the disempowered masses, right?”

“I think the point of my sermon was to help you realize that there’s more than one kind of love.  Perhaps something more general and universal.  Kindness, or compassion—“

“Yeah.  Different kinds of love.  We suffer because life sucks,” he mumbled.  “If this ancestor bullshit holds any water at all, I swear to Gamzee’s stupid messiahs that I am going to punch my ancestor in hell for the atrocious destiny he dropped on me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but if he’s your ancestor, he probably deserves to be punched anyways,” Terezi said.

“Shut the fuck up,” Karkat snapped.  “Grieving break is over, nookstains.  Let’s figure out how we’re going to destroy these fuckers.”

He stood up and walked to Vriska and Terezi, and the three of them dumped the parchments containing their plans from their sylladexes.  Aradia handed Kanaya her microphone, and Kanaya began to call for a regrouping and resting period.  The troops seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.  The bustle of activity that followed brought a weak but distinct feeling of life back to the encampment.

Moments later, a savage howl echoed from the hills down to the beach, and everyone paused.  An unexplainable ripple of fear spread through the encampment.  “What the fuck was that?” Karkat asked.

“Holy shit,” Vriska said in a breath.  A triumphant grin spread across her face.  “You guys won’t believe this.”

Tavros’s breath came in halting gasps.  Purple blood dribbled onto his face.  Stunned, he struggled to pull himself away, yanking his horn from the muscle of the Highblood’s abdomen and stumbling backwards onto his ass, his head pulsing in pain.

The Highblood gripped his gored stomach, panting.  “You...” he hissed, but his words caught as he began to heave blood.  He took a few shaky steps forward, and Tavros scrambled away until he found himself pressed against the trunk of a tree.  A deep noise erupted from the Highblood’s throat, growing from a low growl to a cracked roar of fury, and he threw himself at Tavros, pinning him against the tree.  His fingers found Tavros’s neck and wound themselves around it, digging his nails into the soft flesh and straining until his knuckles were white with the effort of strangling him. 

Tavros tore desperately at the Highblood’s hands and wrists.  He stared up at the Highblood as his vision began to blur.  The man’s painted face distorted into a savage and grotesque mask, horrifyingly close and terrible.  A powerful emotion flashed across the Highblood’s features, and he caught Tavros’s mouth in a violent and bloody kiss, full of teeth and tongue and rage.  Tavros curled in on himself, his mind hazed with panic and lack of oxygen, but he did not have to struggle long.  The Highblood was growing weaker and his grip began to loosen.  His body failing him, he released Tavros’s neck, and his forehead fell heavily against Tavros’s.  He glared down at him with real hate—passionate hate—blazing in his purple irises, even as they dulled from blood loss.  Slowly, his body slumped forward, and he vomited his death onto Tavros’s shoulder.

Tavros lay trembling and gasping in shock beneath the Highblood’s dead weight.  Still panting, he summoned the strength to push the body off of him, and, as he tried to stand, he realized that he was also suffering substantial blood loss.  The front of his clothes were stained with the awful color of the Highblood’s purple blood mixed with his own bronze.

He summoned Terezi’s dragon.  She limped over to him, dragging a crippled leg.  She let him lean against her as he examined his injuries. He had broken ribs, a cracked horn, and the shoulder wound, and his mechanical legs had suffered serious damage as well.  He glanced around, acknowledging with sadness the wounded and slain lusus that had aided him in his battle.  He looked back at the Grand Highblood’s corpse. The hate that had burned in the gigantic trolls scarlet eyes seared into his mind. He pressed his lips together and turned away.

“Let’s go,” he murmured, crawling onto the dragon's lowered back.  She crooned and beat her wings, lifting them into the air.

Karkat squinted at the sky, and Terezi stood next to him, sniffing.  “Are you sure?” Karkat asked.

“Yessssssss,” Vriska said.  “He’s coming here now!”

“I don’t believe it,” Karkat said.  “It’s not possible.”

“Well, he did have a little help,” Vriska said.

“Don’t tell me you were controlling him this whole time,” he said, turning to her.

“I wasn’t.  I can’t see what he’s doing, so I can’t do anything too precise,” she said.  “But I did sneak in a few suggestions.  The idiot almost forgot he can use animals to his advantage.  I bet that’s what tipped the odds in his favor.”

“There he is!” Terezi said.  “He really did it!  We don’t even have to go save him!”

Karkat spun around and squinted.  “Holy fuck,” he said.  Terezi’s dragon approached them as quickly as she could, and within minutes, it had curled itself around the lookout, allowing Tavros to drop onto the platform.

“Tavros, how are you feeling?” Terezi asked, kneeling beside him as he struggled to sit up.

“I think...I’ve been better,” he said.

“It smells like you’ve been better,” she said.  “That’s a lot of chocolate.  I ought to kill that bastard for what he did to your beautiful wing.”

“But it looks like you beat her to it!” Vriska said.

“Uh, yeah...I killed him, I think, but...”

“It’s okay, Tavros,” Terezi said, examining his cracked horn.  “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.  Does this hurt?”

“Yeah, a little bit.”

“How about now?”

“Yes.  Please stop.”

“Wait, so what’s the plan now?” Karkat asked, swatting Terezi’s hand away from Tavros’s horn.  “We should probably send you to a medical tent, right?”

“If it’s not too much trouble, I would rather just get this over with, since I’m tired of doing these things and want it to be done,” Tavros said.

“Are you okay with doing that?” Karkat asked.  “You look a little...fucking awful.”

“I can do it,” Tavros said.  “I just killed the most horrible troll in existence, who I’ve been afraid of forever, and my mind is clear of his chuckevoodoos for the first time in sweeps, so if I can’t do it now, I’ll definitely never be able to do it.”

“Those are some determined words,” Terezi said.  “Are you sure?”

“You’ve done good, Pupa, but I think our wise leader might be right about the medical tent,” Vriska said.

“No,” he said, shaking his head.  He looked between Terezi and Vriska and insisted, “If we wait, it will just get worse.”

“What will get worse?” Vriska asked.

“I don’t know,” he said.  “Everything.”

“Tavros,” Vriska said, “you’re not making any sense.”

“I think he’s right,” Terezi said.  She looked at Vriska.  “I think we should do it now.”

“Why?”

“For starters, he wants to, and it’s his psychic ability we’re relying on.  Secondly, look.”  She gestured towards the encampment.  “All of our troops are already back here, and the enemy is busy counting their losses.  The opportunity is in our hands.”

Vriska and Karkat considered her point and glanced at each other.  Vriska shrugged.  “Whatever.  Pyrope usually knows what’s up.”

“It took you long enough to figure that out,” Terezi said, grinning.

“Fine.  Go summon the sea demon.  But don’t fucking mess it up,” Karkat said.  “You two, rally the troops.  Kanaya...stay here and help me keep my sanity.  I don’t really care what you do, Aradia.”

“I’m going to go to Sollux, if that’s okay,” Aradia said.

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”

Aradia levitated herself off the platform and flew across the broad, motionless wasteland.  Behind her, the sun began to rise.  As she neared the enemy lines, she threw up an immense cloud of dust, obscuring her approach.  The inside of the Grand Highblood’s craft had been decimated by Sollux, who had destroyed the remaining drones.  No one had since come, clearly expecting the Grand Highblood to return.  The imperialists had not heard news of his death.

“Sollux,” she called as she landed.  He looked up from the floor, where he sat holding Feferi.

“Hey, AA,” he said.

“Tavros has arrived,” she said, kneeling next to him.  “He’s killed the Highblood.”

“Holy shit,” Sollux exclaimed, and Feferi smiled.

“I knew he could do it,” she said. Her voice was feeble.

“He’s going to summon Gl’bgolyb,” Aradia said.

“Now?”

“Yes.”

“Should I even athk if he can actually do it, or...” Sollux asked.  Feferi and Aradia exchanged glances.

“Tavros’s psychic development has been stunted by the Grand Highblood’s chucklevoodoos,” Aradia said.  “He may have been able to do it if he had been allowed to develop naturally into his prime, but as things are, he would need years of rehabilitation to be able to do it now.”

“Stho that’th it,” Sollux said, huffing.  “What’th going to happen now?”

“Gl’bgolyb is going to krill the troll race,” Feferi said.

“Tavros will bring her to the surface.  That will not be difficult for him.  But once she is placed under attack, he will not be able to silence her protestations.”

Sollux considered the facts for a few seconds before asking, “Ith thith going to hurt?”

“It only hurts for a little bit,” Aradia said.  “Dying isn’t so bad.”

“Glub for yourself,” Feferi murmured, shifting in Sollux’s arms.

“What’th going to happen to you?” Sollux asked Aradia.  “I mean, you’re already dead, stho it’th not like you have anything to worry about.”

“I will set back time,” she responded.  “There is no need for me to loiter in a doomed timeline after everyone else is dead.”

"Wait, you can do that?"

"I have to. It's my destiny. And then I will also die."

Sollux sighed and brushed a lock of hair out of Feferi’s face.  “Thith sthuckth,” he said.

“It’ll be okay,” Feferi said, reaching for his hand.  He let her take it, moving it to her stomach.  “There’s somefin exciting happening in the afterlife.  Instead of wasting away in a doomed timeline, we can do somefin helpful!”

“I’d rather wathte away in a doomed timeline, to be codnetht,” Sollux said.

“You already have,” Aradia said.

“Don’t think of it as the end of our existence,” Feferi said.  “Think of it as the beginning to our new one!  Everyone who’s already dead will be there waiting for us.  It will be okay, Sollux.  I promise.”

He looked down at her and sighed.  “I believe you.  But only becauthe you two know more about thith shit than anyone elthe.”

They fell silent.  Minutes passed.  The sunlight broke through the wide window of the craft, illuminating the annihilated interior and the rigid corpses scattered about the room.  Feferi glanced over at Eridan’s body.  “I hope he forgives me,” she said.

“You should be the one forgiving him,” Sollux said.

“Maybe." She smiled.

After another few quiet minutes, Aradia announced, “She’s breaking the surface.  Are you ready, Sollux?”

“Ath ready ath I’ll ever be, I gueth,” he said.

Aradia stood and looked out across the beach.  The blinding Alternian sun was above the horizon, guaranteeing that the enemy troops would not be able to see Gl’bgolyb or the rebel attack.  It would also ensure that the rebels, especially those higher on the hemospectrum, would not know anything was going wrong until it was too late.

“It’th stharted,” Sollux said.  “Fuck.”

“Yeah...” Feferi said, holding his hand as he grimaced.  “Fuck.”

She and Aradia exchanged glances as he began to bleed.  He gasped, and his free hand flew to his head, holding it as the psychic agony tore it apart.

“Tavros will be dead by now,” Aradia said.  Sollux released a choked cry, seizing.   Feferi bit her lip, blinking back tears as he curled into himself, dropping his head onto her chest.  His spasms slowed, and with a sigh, he died.

“It’s easier said than done, isn’t it?” Feferi said, reaching up with a trembling hand to touch his hair.

“Her voice will not kill you, right?” Aradia asked.  Feferi shook her head.  “Would you like me to stay until you pass?”  She nodded.

Before long, the cries of suffering trolls began to sound in the imperialist encampment, where most of the trolls were highbloods who were less susceptible to psychic damage.  Agonized howls floated through the open window, and Feferi closed her eyes.

“It’s funny,” she said.  “I had so many plans for the throne...and instead I just helped wipe out my people.”

“It couldn’t be helped,” Aradia responded.

“I know, but...”  She smiled and allowed her head to drop to the side.  “I hope I do better in another life.”

“We can only do as well as paradox space allows us to.”

“I know.”  Her face relaxed.  “Thanks for waiting with me.”

“You’re welcome.”

Chapter Text

The headquarters of the rebellion was located deep in the mountains, surrounded by refugee encampments and decoy bases.  Every night, the sky was streaked with falling spacecraft.  All trolls in the galaxy had been ordered back to Alternia by Her Imperious Condescension, who, rumor had it, was also on route to the planet. No one knew how she felt about the rebellion, but tensions were high.

Karkat sat at the cluttered table in the makeshift war room, grimacing at the occasional squeak of chalk. If Terezi noticed, she didn’t care.  She continued to draw her picture onto the stone slab, turning the chalk just right to produce another shrill squeak.

“Okay, you need to fucking stop,” Karkat finally said, lunging across the table for the red stick. Terezi leaned back, holding the chalk out of reach.

“I’m making plans! Don’t interrupt.”

“You are not!  We both know you’re trying to annoy me, so just give up and go the fuck outside or something.”

“Why would I do something like that?”

“Because we’ve been stuck in this shit excuse for a base for nights now and you’re not used to being cooped up for long periods of time with nothing to do!” Karkat said, seething.  “At least Nepeta had the fucking tact to not drive me batshit crazy every goddamn hour of the day when we were imprisoned in her cave!”

“Okay, that’th enough,” Sollux said, and the chalk was yanked from Terezi’s hand in a ball of blue and red energy.  “Stheriouthly, you both need a hobby.”

“I have a hobby! It’s called ‘Lead an Entire Fucking Civilization to Extinction at the Hands of its Own Aristocracy.’ You should try it sometime, because it is a fucking blast.”

“Blah blah blah,” Terezi said, slumping into her chair.  “We’re already playing, dummy.  We're still here following orders, aren't we?”

Karkat opened his mouth to snap out a reply, but none came.  He closed it and mirrored Terezi’s movement, slumping into his own chair with a huff.  A moment of silence passed.  The sound of Sollux’s fingers flying across his keyboard accented the gloominess of the room.

Tavros’s head popped through the door, and his eyes searched for Karkat.  “Hey, Karkat?” he said, fluttering into the room. He rarely bothered to use his wobbly legs anymore.  With Equius dead, he had to make do with whatever replacement he could get. The rebellion boasted a number of skilled mechanics who did their best to make him functional artificial limbs with the limited resources at their disposal, but he still preferred to use his wings, which at least repaired themselves when they were damaged.

“What?” Karkat asked, sitting up.  “Has there been an attack?”

“Uh, no, nothing like that, I was just wondering if you’d, um...heard anything about...”

Karkat sighed and fell back into his chair.  “No sign of Gamzee.”

“Oh,” Tavros said. After a beat of hesitation, he flew over to Terezi and dropped into the seat next to her.  She turned her head towards him, examining him in her own fashion.  With a simple motion, she lifted her hand and patted his face with a gentle pap.

Karkat felt a dense emotion swell in him, something between the cold numb of envy and the hot stab of jealousy expanding in his chest.  He frowned, eyeing Tavros’s expression.  He sympathized with that dejection, and his sympathy didn’t mix well with the other emotions swirling inside his torso.  With a heavy sigh, he stood up and walked out the door.

“What’s up, general?” Vriska asked as he emerged from the cave.  She stood outside the entrance with her brow drawn down in concentration, a state she barely left since their victory at the oceanfront. Kanaya stood next to her, holding a tray of cold food. 

“Just fucking dandy,” Karkat said without any bite.  “How are the troops?  Are we engaged in battle right now somewhere across the planet?”

“When are we not?” Vriska said, almost rolling her good eye.  “They’re going to find us one of these days, you know. They’re getting closer.”

“Shouldn’t Nitram be out here helping?” Karkat asked.

“I relieved him of his duties,” Kanaya said.  “He needs to rest.  He shouldn’t spend as much time out here using his psychic powers as he has been.  Gl’bgolyb almost killed him, remember?”

“Yeah, I remember. I was there.  It about scared the shit out of me.”

“I knew he could do it,” Vriska said with a note of pride.  “He’s really grown up!”

“You should take a break, too,” Kanaya said, frowning. “You don’t need to micromanage every battle.”

“Who’s micromanaging here, Fussyfangs?  Aren’t you the one hovering around me every hour of the day?”

“Well, that’s—”

“It’s fine. I kind of like it! I’m just saying, let’s not point fingers at people for getting into other people’s business.”

Kanaya sighed and, almost as an afterthought, put the food she was holding on the ground. She turned her attention to Karkat and looked over his face.  “Do you want to walk?” she asked him.

“...Yeah.”

“Vriska, your food is on the ground.”

“Yeah, yeah. Take your time. I’m almost done here.”

Kanaya sighed and walked around Vriska to join Karkat, and without a word, they began to descend the rocky slope into the valley below.  Not many rebellion camps were located this close to the headquarters. At the advice of Terezi and Vriska, Karkat ordered his circle of captains and commanders to stay spread across Alternia to prevent any single attack from crippling the rebellion, and the rebellion’s leadership communicated only through the secure channel Sollux made and constantly maintained.  The valley outside the main headquarters only contained a few troops, most of whom were handpicked by Vriska and Terezi to guard the base.  They mostly laid low so the passing drones wouldn’t suspect any remarkable activity.  So far, it had worked.

“So,” Kanaya said, breaking the silence, “I believe there’s been rumors of the coming of Her Imperious Condescension?”

“She’s here?” Karkat asked with enough alarm to trigger a mild heart attack.  Kanaya put her hands up.

“No, that’s not what a I meant,” she said, and Karkat breathed a sigh of relief.  “I just meant that she’s on her way.”

“Hell, I knew that,” Karkat said.  “She’d have to come back eventually.  We basically destroyed her hold on the empire in one battle!”

“Yes, we did.” Kanaya glanced at Karkat, examining his face.  “What do you think she’ll do when she arrives?”

“I have no idea,” Karkat said, shaking his head.  “Like hell we’re going to get off easy for any of this.  If we ever had any illusion of cooperation, I’m pretty fucking sure it exploded in a fiery blast of broken dreams and horror. Do you get the feeling that we were wigglers when we conjured up the misplaced hope that we would actually be able to earn her approval, or is that just me?”

“I think...a lot has changed,” Kanaya admitted.  “I doubt she’ll be willing to offer us much in terms of power or glory, although we might be able to negotiate something with her.”

“Maybe,” Karkat said, exhaling through his nose.  “I just hope we don’t have to kill her.  If we have to kill her, I don’t know what we’re going to do.  I don’t even know if we can do that.”

“She’s mortal, just like the rest of us,” Kanaya said.  “I think.”

“For all we know, she’s secretly a god.  Maybe the Subjugglators have been putting their faith in the wrong deity.”

“She’s not a god,” Kanaya said.  “Don’t get worked up about this.  We have to stay reasonable.”

“Worked up? I’m not fucking worked up. I’m the most reasonable person on this planet right now, juggling duties and keeping everything flowing smoothly. I am at the height of authority right now, of course I’m fucking reasonable.”

“Of course,” Kanaya said, sighing.  “In that case, I suppose you must be holding up well, despite...”

Karkat fell silent. Kanaya tried to scan his face without seeming too obvious.  “I don’t fucking know, okay?” he finally said, glancing at her and looking away. “I don’t know about that. I haven’t...had time to think about it.”

“What will you do when you do have the time?”

After a pause, he said, “Let’s be honest with each other here.  We’re both grown-ass adults after all, so there’s no need to keep skirting around the issue.  I’m the most wanted man on Alternia right now, next to Nitram.  I’m not going to have the time to think about it. I’m probably...going to get my ass culled the second the Condesce’s ship touches Alternian soil.”

Kanaya eyed the ground in front of her, thinking of something to say, but her own hesitant resignation prevented her from speaking.  She glanced at Karkat.  “I hope you’re wrong,” she finally said.

“That makes two of us.”

The sound of fluttering wings interrupted them, and Tavros floated over their heads, descending in front of them with a small wave.  “Hi, Karkat, it’s, um...it’s me again,” he said.  “And hi, Kanaya.”

“Tavros, I thought you were going to take a break,” Kanaya said, frowning.

“Yes, and I did, with Terezi’s help to make me feel better and more confident, and also generally confused, which usually happens when I'm talking to her,” he said.  “And now, I want to take a break in a different way, in that I think I’d like to talk to Karkat about important things, if that’s okay with both of you.”

Karkat and Kanaya exchanged glances, and Kanaya nodded.  “I’ll see you two in a bit,” she said, turning to walk back up the path. Karkat watched Tavros as he fell in next to him.

“What do you want?” he asked.

“Uh, well...actually, I would feel better if we were walking, or walking and flying as the case is for both of us, like you were before...” Tavros said.  “Or, actually...”  With a grimace, he dropped out of the air onto his metal legs, which produced a slight whirr as they adjusted to the pressure.  “Okay, now we can both walk, and in that way perhaps engage in more meaningful and contemplative discussion?”

Karkat sighed and rolled his eyes, but he humored Tavros and began to walk. After a moment of silence, he asked again, “What do you want?”

“Well...I was thinking a lot, about how things are now, and, uh...”  He looked away, embarrassed about his inability to express himself.

“Did Terezi tell you to come talk to you?”

“Uh, no, actually, this time, it was my idea to come to you, by my own volition,” Tavros said. “I think, and I hope this doesn’t sound, um...too pale, or anything like that, because I promise I’m not trying to solicit that sort of emotional response from you in a way that would be offensive to you or your losses...but that’s kind of what I want to talk to you about.”

“You want to talk to me about being pale or offending me and my losses?” Karkat said, raising an eyebrow.

“No!  No, those were the things I wasn’t meaning to do,” Tavros said.  “I mean, I want to talk to you about Gamzee, and our mutual loss, and what you think actually happened, since...I wasn’t around when the major disaster happened, with the drones, although I heard all about it, and...I wanted to ask you if you weren’t absolutely sure that...Gamzee wasn’t there, when that thing happened...”

Karkat pressed his lips together and crossed his arms.  “I’d be lying if I told you that I know without a shadow of a doubt that he wasn’t there,” he said.  He could almost feel Tavros deflate next to him, and his chest grew heavy again. “Look, okay, I just don’t know. This might sound pretty fucking crazy, and I’m not here to tell you lies so you feel better, but I don’t think that’d be enough to kill the clown.  You know?  I don’t think that should have killed him, and I’d be fucking pissed if he really did get his ass culled by a bunch of drones with fancy fucking plasma guns.”

“But...then where would he be, if he didn’t die?”

Karkat looked at Tavros. His face was uncertain but earnest.  Something fluttered in Karkat’s chest.  “Do you feel it, too?”

“By ‘it,’ do you mean the sense that something happened to Gamzee that doesn’t include his death?”

“Yeah!” Karkat said, stopping and turning towards him.  “I thought I was going insane here, but if you feel it, too...but what the actual fuck, how does that make any sense?”

“It’s not just us,” Tavros said.  “Terezi also thinks so, and so does Kanaya and Vriska.  Nobody thinks that Gamzee is dead, but we also don’t know where he is, so...in a way, that’s comforting that he might not be dead, but also not comforting at all, because it feels like...he’s gone and won’t come back.”

Karkat’s excitement fizzed out.  “Yeah. Yeah, I pretty much think you’re right about that.”  He dropped his eyes and turned back to the path, starting to walk again.  They both fell silent as they meandered around the valley’s foliage.

“Karkat?”

“What.”

“Does it...hurt you a lot, in your heart, to miss Nepeta?”

The density in Karkat’s chest hopped up into his throat.  “Yeah,” he said.  He heard Tavros exhale next to him.

“I wasn’t...you know, I wasn’t Gamzee’s matesprit for very long, compared to how long you and Nepeta were, or Sollux and Feferi, but I...honestly did think that, after we escaped from the Highblood and came to the agreement that we could be that way, that maybe the two of us would be able to be happy.  He said we could make a paradise together, where bad things would never happen to us anymore, and...”  Tavros stopped talking, and Karkat didn’t need to look at him to know why.  He knew exactly what he was feeling.  Or, he knew how he himself was feeling, which was close enough to how Tavros might be feeling with his sweeps of imprisonment and abuse aside.

Thinking of something comforting to say, he said, “Well, at least you still have Vriska."  As soon as the words were out, he regretted it. Tavros didn’t respond. “Okay, that was shitty. That’s not how any of this works. I’m not going to run into Terezi’s open arms now that my flushed quadrant is...vacant, any more than you’re going to go frolicking to Vriska.  Fuck, I’m sorry, I just...I’m under a lot of fucking stress, okay? My think pan is fried. Maybe I need to take a nap. Five hundred naps. Maybe I should just go to sleep through the rest of this rebellion and wake up when the Condesce arrives to cull me.”

After a pause, Tavros said, “Is it okay if I join in on that perpetual nap until it’s time to be culled? Because I’m sort of extremely terrified about the Condesce coming, since I killed her lusus and her second-in-command in the same day.  I don’t think she’s going to be happy with me.”

Karkat looked at him. “Yeah, if there’s anyone on this ball of cursed dirt who’s more screwed than I am in terms of this rebellion, you’d be that guy.  Maybe we should go dig a joint grave together in preparation for our inevitable violent deaths at the hands of the empress.”

“You...don’t really think we can win, do you?” Tavros asked, glancing at Karkat with worried eyes. Karkat shut his mouth and considered the question, exhaling through his nose.

“We’d have to kill her,” he said. “And I don’t know about you, but I don’t like the sound of that.”

“Because you admire her?”

“Yeah.  I do.”

“Well...” Tavros said, “maybe...I could do it, or Terezi, or Vriska.  I think Vriska could maybe kill her.  If we all worked together—“

“No way is Vriska killing her and taking all the glory for herself,” Karkat said with a scowl. “You know she’ll try to set up her own fucking empire if she takes the throne.  The rest of us will get thrown under the hoofbeast the moment the Condesce is dead.  If someone has to murder the Condesce, it can’t be her.”

Tavros fell silent and thought about Karkat’s point.  He opened his mouth to speak, but his clumsy foot snagged on an upturned root and he stumbled, barely catching himself with his wings before he fell. He shot Karkat a sheepish smile as he hovered above the ground.  “Sorry.”

“What are you apologizing to me for?” Karkat said.  “Isn’t Terezi supposed to be helping you grow a backbone?”

“Yes, well, I was actually about to say something impressive before that happened, so if you could pretend that it didn’t so I can recover, that would be nice.”

Karkat released a small huff. “I didn’t see anything.”

“Okay, so I was thinking if this could be a way to go: I can distract the Condesce, since apparently my ancestor is well known to her and I’m recognizable as his descendant because of my mutant wings, by leading armies of lusii around in a really obvious ways, and then you and Terezi can plan to have the Condesce assassinated somehow. I think, though, that if you don’t want Vriska to do it, that it might have to be you who does. And...I think that it would be best if it were you anyway, since you’re the leader of this insurrection, and also because you’re a mutant, which would make the slaying of the empress symbolic, probably, in ways that demonstrate our message.”

Karkat eyed Tavros’s ardent expression, considering the plan. He didn’t like it. Of course he didn’t like it. But were there many choices left? “If we kill the Condesce, we destroy the fuchsia bloodline.  Feferi isn’t around to keep it alive.  That bloodcaste will go extinct, and we’ll have to completely reorganize troll society.”

“Yeah, but...we’re kind of already mostly there anyway, right?  We killed her lusus, so...we can’t win if we don’t do something like that, right?”

“Yeah, at this point, it’s pretty much kill her or die.  Or kill her and die.  The two of us might end up doing both.”

“Yeah, but that’s what happens when you’re a leader of a big rebellion, right?”

Karkat raised an eyebrow. “Since when were you a leader of this rebellion?”

“Uh, well, I guess I’m not a leader, necessarily, since I don’t give commands, but...”

“No, shut up. Never mind.  I’m being an asshole.  You’ve got a higher price on your head than I do, and we both know it’s because you’ve done more than I have.  You’re right, you don’t give commands, but that doesn’t make you less of a leader.  And, to be honest, your plan sounds like the best one I’ve heard recently.”

Tavros’s face broke into a grin, which quickly turned rather embarrassed.  “Actually, um...the plan was mostly Terezi’s, since we’ve been talking about it, and she’s the one who thinks we should do an assassination instead of conducting war with the Condesce when she’s here.  She would be good at organizing something like that, I think.  But the part where I distract the armies with my wings and psychic abilities was my idea, and I, um...would actually be really grateful if you didn’t mention that to her yet, because she would probably be a little worried about it. In a way that she would still allow it to happen, but still.”

“Right,” Karkat said, rubbing his hand down his face.  “Of course Terezi would come up with that plan.  And she was probably thinking that Vriska would be the one to do the assassination?”

“Well...since she thought you wouldn’t, I think that’s what she assumed, but she also told me that it would be better for you to do it.”

“Okay.  Okay, I get it.  It’s all on me.  I’ve come this far, so I might as well commit myself to the fact that I’m the symbolic figurehead.  I’m entrenched in this shit and there’s no way I’m pulling myself out now.  As for you, Nitram, I’ll give you the order to distract the armies when the time comes.  Terezi and I have been fucking with each other so long now that incurring her wrath is part of my everyday lifestyle.”

“Okay!” Tavros said with a grin.

“Also, just for the record, nice confidence.  You’re recovering well.  I think...Gamzee would be happy about that.”

Tavros’s smile slipped a little, but instead of fading, it took on a sort of melancholy color, happy but heartbroken.  “Thanks. I’m glad that you think so.”

“Sure,” Karkat said, patting him gently on the back.  “Let’s get back to base.  I hate staying out this long.”

“Yeah...me, too.”