Chapter Text
Chapter forty-four: Jesper
Wow, he’s really passionate about this.
“I thought you just meant Bolognese,” Jesper admitted, holding a jar of crushed garlic. “Should’ve known better.”
“Shut up and find the chicken broth please,” Wylan demanded, scanning the pasta shelves. Jesper closed his mouth and hid a smirk. Bossy Wylan was becoming one of his favourites.
“I like penne,” Jesper mentioned in passing, running away as Wylan opened his mouth.
He crossed each of the aisles, completely lost. He didn’t go food shopping very often and wasn’t sure what brand of chicken broth was best. Were there even brands? What was chicken broth anyway?
Jesper supposed he might just be nervous. While Wylan could maybe say the same, he wondered if they both felt the same euphoric feeling. Wylan was coming over to dinner! Sure it was going to be with his da. And Kaz. Not exactly romantic…
In reality, Jesper had been an overthinking pushover, something he’d never in a million years have characterised himself as. He knew Wylan was interested in him. More than as a friend. He’d outright told him! Sure, Wylan didn’t remember, but still.
Jesper hadn’t done anything. Nothing.
Instead he stalked him. Essentially. Driving him from orchestra despite it being unbelievably out of the way. Catching the bus when Kaz wasn’t willing to drive him. Although, the extra time spent beside Wylan and sharing headphones diminished any reeking smell from public transport.
A long time ago, Jesper had realised that he liked Wylan. But now it felt stronger. Stronger than the fear he’d been carrying with asking him out. Stronger than the anxiety and dread that had been circling the air for the past few weeks.
He knew Wylan liked him, but should he bring up Wylan’s confession? His hesitance was restricting him. He just hadn’t found the right moment.
Maybe a sunset beach walk would be suitable?
Jesper paused before he reached the fridges. The broth wouldn’t be in the cold section, he knew this. Right? Or was it refrigerated? Now Jesper was second guessing. Looking over, he spotted a worker.
“Hey, uh could you help me find the chicken broth?” Jesper asked. The worker placed a box down and turned to face him. Jesper’s easy attitude fell.
“Oh uh, Jesper…hey,” Bajan muttered awkwardly. Jesper wasn’t sure how to react, he felt his eye twitch.
“Bajan, slaving away at a minimum wage job?” Jesper chuckled forcibly. “Losing business?”
Bajan placed his hands on his hips and sighed, “I deserve that.”
“You-” Jesper started, pointing a finger before taking a deep breath. “Can just tell me where the chicken broth is.”
Bajan nodded and began to lead him to the left. Jesper followed with some distance. He hadn’t seen Bajan in a while. In fact, he doubted Kaz had much time to follow up with the scammers since being coach. Or was this still going on?
Jesper would never know. But he still hadn’t got the money. Money that could’ve maybe been put towards something important. Like a date with Wylan.
Had Inej talked to him? She never spoke of him, rarely brought any of that past up. Jesper didn’t blame her.
Bajan paused in his tracks and looked up. He gestured to the shelf and Jesper nodded avoiding his eye. He reached the closest one and turned to find Bajan, unfortunately, still there. He sighed.
“You… you’re doing well?” He asked awkwardly. Jesper paused before barking out a laugh.
“Like you care?” He scoffed.
“Seriously Jesper,” Bajan shook his head. “I’m so sorry. I do truly hope you’re doing better.”
“Fuck you,” Jesper hissed, looking to make sure no one was around. “I’m not fooled with this innocent act anymore. You stole my money! A lot of fucking money! No, not even mine, it was my dads. You knew I was a gambler, you knew I was addicted and you exploited me. That’s not even the cruellest part! You made me think we were friends.”
“I know, I know-”
“No, no! You don’t know, Bajan,” Jesper snapped. “Have you been on the other side of that computer? I wasn’t the only victim, I’m just the only one you can see.”
“It’s over now, I’ve stopped!” Bajan pleaded, tugging at his uniform. “I’m doing real work, getting my degree. I helped Kaz as much as I could. I’m trying to be better man!”
“Well, I’m glad you can move on,” Jesper said cynically. “Not everyone can. Thanks for the broth.”
With that he pushed Bajan away from him and strode down the aisle. As he left, Jesper felt a knot in his stomach ease.
For months, Jesper had dreading running into Bajan. What would he say? What would he do? It was a humiliating thought. That someone had seen him like that and done that to him walking around Ketterdam.
But now? It didn’t matter. Jesper wasn’t the one to be embarrassed, it was Bajan. He had done the horrible act, and while Jesper was partly responsible, the burden wasn’t all on him.
Seeing the guilt weighing on Bajan was enough to make him smile, but even now Jesper felt above that. He had said what he needed and would never worry about seeing Bajan again.
He skid to a halt as he found Wylan standing at the edge of the row, hidden from view.
His eyes were widen with concern. “Jesper! Was that Bajan?” Wylan asked insistently. “What’d he say, are you alright?”
“Don’t worry about it Wylan,” Jesper told him sincerely, searching his eyes before they dropped to what he was holding. “Aw you got penne? You do listen!”
He’d never seen the boy turn quite so red before.
They finished their shopping after having to go back and get another brand of chicken broth. Jesper didn’t see Bajan for the remainder of his time there. He didn’t care. Maybe he’d hidden out the back. Or simply didn’t care as much as he pretended.
Jesper took the bag of groceries from Wylan’s hand who sighed but didn’t protest. As turned the corner to where Kaz had been ditched. It was empty. Jesper paused and squinted.
“Is it just me?” Jesper frowned. “Or did Kaz turn into a seat?”
“Yeah, I don’t know where he’s gone…” Wylan spun his head around frantically.
“Come on,” Jesper nudged him. “Let’s wait by the car.”
“Do you think…” Wylan muttered as they crossed the road. “With Bajan being here…”
“That he snatched him from his car?” Jesper responded before he could finish. “This isn’t true crime.”
“But true crime is true,” Wylan squinted quizzically. “It’s a documentary.”
Jesper hushed him insistently and Wylan scoffed, irritated. He looked over to his side and stopped in his tracks. Wylan faltered as he noticed Jesper’s absence. He turned, “What?”
Wylan followed his gaze and spotted what he had. The bag curled in Jesper’s fist. He began marching over.
“Had to speak to all of us?” Jesper shouted over to Bajan and Kaz. Bajan snapped his head around, Kaz barely acknowledged him. He seemed very interested in the wall.
“Jesper- It’s not…” Bajan hurriedly ushered. “I’m not supposed to be out here. I’m trying to help.”
“Like you’ve helped before?” Wylan quipped, Bajan looked at him oddly.
“Who are you?”
“Shut up,” Jesper demanded, he turned to Kaz. “When did you get here? Is this why you agreed to stop?”
Kaz blinked once, “Leave it.”
“Kaz-”
“Leave. It.” Kaz pushed past them all.
Bajan ran an exasperated hand through his hair as he watched him go. Jesper faltered, torn between shoving Bajan or chasing after Kaz.
Wylan made his decision for him, as he gave Jesper an anxious look, he extended his hand. Without a word necessary, Jesper reached out, placing his hand in Wylan’s. He left without looking back.
“Stop skipping,” Kaz grumbled as they walked to school.
Never had Jesper wanted to attend school on Monday, as he did now. Sunday was poetic torture after his Saturday dinner with Wylan and his family. Jesper was satisfied but isolated. It was like withdrawals from the most enjoyable afternoon. But he would return today and Jesper could see him again.
“Is he still with us?” A humorous voice asked, he jumped. Opening his eyes, Inej had emerged from virtually no where and joined the two of them.
“What the fuck!” He screeched, clutching his shirt. He groaned. “We need a bell on you, seriously. Where did you come from?”
Inej raised a brow, pointing to the corner store right behind her. “Think Jesper,” Inej scoffed and joined Kaz’s other side. “What’s he on?”
“Medication, I hope,” Kaz muttered. Inej laughed.
“Nina taking a sick day?” Jesper decided to ask, noticing that Inej was missing her usual companion. Her mouth pulled into a cheeky smirk and her eyes danced excitedly.
“No,” she sang mischievously. “Some Fjerdan asked if she wanted a ride to school today. I sacrificed my partner for her happiness.”
“You know they’re going to be an hour late now, right?” Kaz drawled, reaching into his pocket. “Should’ve seen them at the party, I have a phobia of stairs because of what I saw.”
“Dramatic,” Inej rolled her eyes. Kaz pulled out a pack of cigs, she furrowed her brows deeply and after a beat, he put them away. Jesper was deeply impressed.
She sighed and continued, “Lets just be happy we don’t have to watch them dance around each other anymore.”
“Very true, tiny girl,” Jesper nodded, looking pointedly at Kaz. “Positive outlooks only today.”
Kaz shot him a disgusted look before telling him, “You’re doing ten extra laps.”
“Gladly!” Jesper sighed dreamily. “I’ll blow off some steam.”
“An hour ago you were on the verge of tears because we had to walk again,” Kaz scoffed.
Jesper shushed him, placing a finger above his mouth. Kaz slapped him away, looking murderous.
But not even Kaz’s pessimistic words or Inej’s teasing remarks could crush his spirits that day. He had a reserved conversation with a certain curly redhead and nothing that could be said had the power to bring him down.
“By the way,” Inej coughed slightly. “Wylan isn’t coming.”
“What?!” Jesper mellowed quickly.
“Yeah, something about a closing day?” Inej suggested, pulling open the wrapper of her protein bar. “I’m not sure what they call it in the orchestra world.”
Jesper bit his cheek and groaned loudly. “The Saints hate me.”
“You know,” Inej frowned. “It’s impossible for them to hate anyone.”
“Inej is right,” Kaz added. “Because they aren’t real. It’s the universe that hates you.”
“They are real,” Inej shot a pointed look at Kaz, whose eyes glinted amusedly at her irritation. “And they do everything for a reason.”
So the universe didn’t want him to ask Wylan out? Too bad. It was happening anyway. Maybe it was best he didn’t do it just yet. It needed to be different. Special, compared to the other careless invites he’d given others.
A thought trickled into his brain, an idea. A good one. Something that didn’t happen often. His self-satisfaction weaselled it’s way into his smile.
“Hey, Kaz?” Jesper hid his glee.
“I don’t wanna know,” he shut him down almost immediately. Perhaps it wasn’t all that hidden.
“You know our quarter-final in Girecht?” Jesper insinuated.
Kaz narrowed his eyes. “Vaguely,” he drawled.
Jesper needed tred lightly, “Well… I think it’s worth inviting a couple supporters. And I’m sure we can convince Van Eck, he adores us now and-”
“Okay.”
“No, kaz listen. I think it’s worth-”
“I said yes asshole,” Kaz retorted. Jesper’s entire body rebooted in surprise. “Me and Nikolai are already organising a travel bus and possible accommodation. Because of that journal article, we probably have a proper funding for extra occupants.”
Jesper searched his face for traces of sarcasm, shocked to find none at all. Kaz huffed an impatient breath and began walking away. His irritation was more of a confirmation. Jesper fought the urge to fist bump the air.
“Can we send our suggestions?” Jesper asked, head still reeling.
“Well, there are the obvious,” Kaz stated, always formal. “Matthias will have a fit without Nina. Pim will want Anika. Inej of course is our water bearer-”
“Wait,” Inej interrupted sheepishly. “Firstly, thanks for using the gender neutral name for water-boy. Secondly…” she bit her lip. “I’m not sure I can go…”
Kaz stopped abruptly. “Why?”
Inej’s face was grimacing in guilt, “Well, it’s just, I’ve only just started my job… and I’m not sure I can call off weekends.”
“It’s Friday to Saturday,” Kaz confirmed, something tight in his voice. “Two days. Tell them you can’t work. Anika will need to do the same.”
“Hang on, hang on,” Jesper called for a backtrack. “Job? When’d you get a job?”
They shared a brief look that told Jesper all he needed to know. Kaz knows why. And Jesper was never going to. He bit back the feeling of exclusion it gave him.
“Jesper,” Inej quickly says. “Do you think Van Eck will let Wylan go? On the assumption that’s why you suggested this anyway?”
Damn, how does she notice that stuff? “Like I said,” Jesper shrugged with his confident ease. “He loves us now.”
Kaz continued to walk away and Inej sighed deeply, following behind. Jesper felt like he was watching parents fight. He bumped her with his hip and winked. An awkward smile was all he earned.
“You’re going,” Kaz told her. Even Jesper believed him.