Chapter Text
“Sunny, I just want to know that you’re okay with this.”
She placed her hand on his, like she would when he was still little, when she knew he just needed a break from it all. Sunny had forgotten how warm his mother’s hands could be sometimes. They felt like paper.
They were seated at the dinner table, something that had seemed to become more of a rarity with each passing day as of late.
“I know it’s been hard, and I know that this is all so… sudden. I just don’t want you to think that I’m trying to punish you, or that this is me trying to… pretend that it didn’t happen, because it isn’t, Sunny, it’s not.”
Her grip on Sunny’s hand tightened, as if trying to draw out any kind of response from Sunny, any at all. The slightest inkling of acknowledgment from Sunny at this moment, knowing that he understood, would have done wonders.
All Sunny could focus on was fixing his gaze on the chair at the other end of the table, the one that Mari had always sat in. Sunny wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen anyone else use that chair, other than Mari, since she passed. It was still her chair, her designated spot at the table. It was as if, at any moment, she would show up to take her seat again, and it would have been as if these past four years had never even happened, and Sunny could breathe again.
Sunny’s mother wasn’t blind to where her son’s attention truly was at this moment. It’s been that way for a long, long time now.
“It’s going to be different. I know, it’s going to be… a change, but I think you’re going to like it.”
She ruffled Sunny’s hair to try to get him to lighten up, to try and see if he’s still there, if he knows that this is really happening.
The house was still. The room was still. For nearly four years now, that has been the constant. It wasn’t built for this.
For nearly four years now, as far as Sunny was concerned, this house, the one he had grown up in, made up the entirety of his universe. It was as far as his eyes could see, and everywhere he looked, every inch of it held a reminder of her, Mari.
Sunny’s room, the one he used to share with Mari, which of course had been just his room as of late, felt as though it could span for miles and miles sometimes, hardly fitting for someone of Sunny’s character.
Part of Sunny’s mother was hoping for the news that they would be moving out of this house, out of Faraway, the place that holds the vast majority of Sunny’s memories, would have been enough to send some kind of shock to his system, enough to get any kind of reaction. Instead, Sunny barely looked as though he could even hear as she explained to him the news, just giving the occasional nod whenever it felt most appropriate.
Truthfully, she wanted there to be pushback. She wanted this to be enough to show her that Sunny still cares that he still has the initiative to ask questions, to ask for clarification, and to ask what this will mean for his friends, the people who mean the most to him. There was none of that, not on the outside at least.
She wanted to say more. She wanted to sit there a little while longer to give Sunny the time she thought he needed to gather himself. Maybe that could have been the case, but a quick glance at her watch told her that she couldn’t stay there. If Sunny really doesn’t have anything to say, then she can’t just wait on him, hand, and foot, until he decides he’s ready to become a member of society again.
Sunny did not say anything when his mother brushed aside his hair to give him a kiss on his forehead, nor did he say anything when she leaned in closer to tell him, “I love you, I love you so much. I’ll be back as soon as I can, alright? Try to get some sun before it gets too dark out.” She once again ruffled his hair as she got up from her seat, making a quiet comment to herself about how Sunny was probably in need of a haircut soon, and then she was gone.
The house was quiet, once again. It was what Sunny was used to by now. It was natural for him.
He didn’t get up from the dinner table, not immediately. He waited for the sound of his mother shutting the front door, followed by the sound of her pulling out of the driveway, before he silently got up and started making his way toward the stairs.
Without even touching the handrail, Sunny went up the stairs without making the slightest bit of noise, knowing that, from this point on, his days of being able to call this his home were numbered. Regardless, he did so as he had done time and time before in the past. It was always the same with him; he didn’t say a word.
Sunny’s room, the room that had been just his for some time now, the closest thing he knew to a welcoming sight, the air tasted different in there. He made sure to close the door behind him, as if it made a difference, as if there were anyone else in the world at all interested in what it could possibly be he had to hide.
Right under Sunny’s bed, the only thing that had been supporting his weary frame all this time, was a box, tucked far back enough to where no one could reach it without already knowing it is there.
It was an old box, one that was probably used to store a gift that Sunny would have already long forgotten about by now. It was one that probably should have been tossed out ages ago.
Before even mustering up the drive to open the box, with his fingers laced at the edges as if it were his last lifeline to salvation, Sunny turned to look behind him, giving off the impression to any invisible overseer that he was somewhat expecting for there to be something, anything, standing there behind him, ready to pass judgment on him at a moment’s notice.
Once again, as it had been time and time before, Sunny was met with silence. The wicked were cooped up in a glasshouse; anyone could be listening in.
Sunny opened the box with delicate hands that would usually be reserved for the handling of a priceless family heirloom, not a crummy old box that was routinely kept hidden away from the world. There was an intensity in his eyes that one could say is almost uncharacteristic of him. He eyes the contents of the box as if he were greeted by an old friend.
The contents of the box themselves, of which Sunny is the only one knowledgeable, were a series of papers and sketchbooks created over the past four years or so, chronicling the lives and misadventures of a series of characters not too dissimilar from Sunny’s old friends, frozen as how he knew them, as he liked them to be.
They’re all still with him, right where he left them. Waiting for him.
He mouthed each of their names, those who were closest to him, as if he was still worried of someone being able to overhear him.
As far as Sunny was concerned, it hardly mattered where it was his mother had decided to relocate them to. It wasn’t as if he was just going to leave all this behind, this world that had so much blood, sweat, and tears built into it.
His friends would always be with him, she would always be with him, and it was going to be on his terms. That was the way it had to be.
For reasons unknown, especially to Sunny most of all, his attention was inexplicably drawn toward the window that rested just beside his bed. Despite the time of day, his curtains were open, giving Sunny a clear view of his backyard.
Sunny didn’t know why it was he decided to take a look out his window, out to the yard. It wasn’t something he was prone to doing, not recently, but it was where he found himself standing, nonetheless.
There was a tree there. It’s gone now.
Sunny could feel his eyes starting to squint, trying to focus in on something that wasn’t there anymore. It hurts.
The curtains were closed now. There was nothing out there, nothing of any worth. In a way, Sunny might call this a blessing. Everything could be washed away in a thin orange haze, and Sunny would still be right where he needed to be, never saying a word.
ONE YEAR LATER
It had been nearly half an hour now.
Nearly half an was hour spent pacing around the middle of the living room in a counterclockwise rotation. This was perhaps the only thing keeping Sunny from falling apart completely at this very moment.
Regardless of what happens after tonight, everything that Sunny fears will happen, everything he suspects will happen, and there are no doubts in his mind that this is something that has to happen. It is simply something he needs to do.
As far as Sunny’s concerned, he’s had enough of dreams full of what’s not real. A life full of what’s not there anymore.
Sunny motions his gaze over to the CRT TV next to him, wondering if his mirrored self reflected on the screen has any words of encouragement he would like to share for times like these. He doesn’t. Of course, he doesn’t. Despite having been with Sunny all his life, that dude has always been a bum.
As it stands, a little over a year has passed since everything changed, when Sunny’s world, one already far too familiar with experiencing trials and tribulations again and again over the years, was dealt yet another significant shakeup. It was one that Sunny could not walk back on.
Everyone knows what Sunny did. Everyone that matters.
Within the perimeter of Sunny’s old group of friends, people he’s known for nearly his whole life leading up to this point, they all know the truth behind what happened to Mari.
Sunny made sure of that.
He needed to tell them. He needed to make it feel real again. For so long everything about it just felt like a vapor that had permeated and ensnared him, as well as, presumably, Basil.
Sunny can’t speak on behalf of Basil, his long-suffering accomplice in all this. He can hardly ever find the words to speak for himself most of the time. Though there is that part of him that still lingers, the part of Sunny that can’t help but still have some kind of visceral reaction whenever Basil enters the scene, he knows he can’t be excluded from this.
Tonight, Sunny is going to tell his friends all there is to know about Headspace. His own personal escape from reality.
It should be simple enough, especially when compared to everything Sunny has already had to go through. At least, that’s what he keeps telling himself.
There are already so many words that Sunny knows his friends must associate with him, despite whatever protests they may have to that notion.
A liar.
A killer.
A coward.
The worst of it must already be behind him. It has to be, but that doesn’t make this part any more appetizing.
Sunny has put a great deal of time into bracing himself for how they’re all going to look at him when he has to get into details. It won’t be like before. He doubts they have much patience or sympathy left to spare for him at this point.
From the outside, it looks like nothing special. Just sketches and notebooks full of whatever it was Sunny did to keep himself busy for all those lonely years of his. To Sunny, who still views himself as the orchestrator of all this suffering, he can hardly stand to look at any of it. He doesn’t know why he brought any of it with him.
He shouldn’t need it anymore.
For months now, Sunny hasn’t been able to stop thinking about it. No matter how hard he tries to keep it bottled up, no matter how much he wishes he could just pretend that it isn’t all still with him, the fact remains that he can’t just keep going like it never happened.
Kel will probably just try to laugh it off.
Aubrey will probably punch Sunny in the stomach.
Hero will probably just try his best to do damage control.
They’re never going to look at Sunny the same. That’s to be expected. He has no idea how they’re going to look at him when he keeps throwing them curveball after curveball. It can never be “easy” having the distinction of being Sunny’s friend.
Nonetheless, the most concerning player in all this is still, because of course it is, Basil. That’s who Sunny is worried about the most.
While on the surface, Basil can look a bit of an oddball, especially for someone his age. He doesn’t exactly fit the traditional mold of the “wild card” of the group. He’s almost too perpetually soft-spoken for that.
Prior incidents have proven otherwise.
Regardless of how Sunny expects his friends to react to all this, there was still the lingering suspicion in the back of his mind that this whole thing, all of it, was more so about him trying to convince himself that he is not crazy.
The more Sunny thinks about it for any considerable length of time, the more he is convinced that this is a terrible idea.
Sunny is not ready for this, not yet, at least.
He didn’t even shower today or yesterday.
That’s also something that he should probably address in a more direct manner, but Sunny has enough on his plate as is.
He had gone out of his way to call his closest friends over to his place, with him having a murky history with each of them to varying degrees, and it’s still under false pretenses no matter how one colors it.
There’s a knock at the door.
A familiar knock, one Sunny has learned to associate with joy and laughter and all that garbage.
While those feelings still remain in one form or another, Sunny is absolutely not in the right mindset to act as the host for this evening. Regardless of all that, he will oblige himself and do what he must, which in this case right now is him opening the door.
"My boy!!"
Kel is the first one Sunny is immediately greeted by, because of course, it's Kel.
It's always going to be Kel.
No matter what the situation calls for, Kel is going to be there for Sunny. There’s been considerable evidence of that.
Before Sunny himself can even manage to get out the simplest of a "hi" or "hello," Kel immediately pulls him in for a hug, which is still an awkward position to be in on Sunny's end of things due to how Kel is still considerably taller than him. Sunny has to position his head upward just to be able to make eye contact so it doesn't look like he's being rude or anything.
Sunny makes sure to give Kel a genuine, almost robotic, pat on the back to let him know that he's happy to see him too.
Kel nearly steps on Sunny's toes during the whole ordeal itself. He's always going to underestimate just how much shorter than him Sunny is.
"Man, look at these shoulders, look at these things! I can barely get a hold of them!" Kel is trying his best to be supportive of how Sunny has been making an effort to eat better this past year, which entails Sunny actually eating breakfast on a daily basis this time around, and while it still comes off as a bit blunt and loud on Kel's part, there is no doubt in Sunny's mind that he means every word of it.
Sunny, once again, tries to awkwardly bring up how he's been able to go up more than a single flight of stairs without getting winded recently, but before he can find the right words, Hero enters through the doorway and places a hand on Kel's shoulder.
"Alright, Kel, simmer down there."
It has only been around a month or so since they last saw Sunny, and Hero figures he probably doesn't want there to be a big show made about it whenever they do find the time to arrange a get-together, as Sunny has enough to think about already.
"Look at this dude, Hero, just look at him. I'm getting feelings of parental pride I didn't even know were possible!!" Kel steps out of the way and drapes an arm around the still very much shorter Sunny, making sure that Hero can get a clear look at him in all his newfound glory.
"You're not even 18 yet, Kel. Don't start becoming an old man on me."
Kel was going to be the first in the group to become an adult other than Hero and was making sure to be overly prepared for when the day would come, acting as though the others who are younger than him are basically his "kids." This is despite the fact that they all went to elementary school together, and Basil had to be the one to hold his hand when showing him how he didn’t have to be scared of a stick bug they found back during recess.
Kel releases Sunny from his parentally pride-fueled embrace, not before flashing yet another smile at him, and lets him have a fitting one-on-one greeting with Hero as he makes his way to the living room in order to claim his designated spot on the couch.
Sunny turns his head and is met with Hero, perhaps looking his most distinguished, from Sunny’s own perspective at least.
With heavy eyes that let Sunny know that the drive to the city must have been a slog to get through and a tight smile, one that Sunny has learned to associate with that of a clinician of some kind, Hero is perhaps already revealing too much without even knowing it.
Hero had always been the tallest of the group, much taller than Sunny, especially. So, unlike the case with Kel, there was never much of a need for Sunny to get used to this sort of dynamic. It just feels natural.
"How are you doing, Sunny?"
It’s a question Sunny must have heard Hero specifically ask him about a million times by now. Even now, Hero’s voice never falters or wavers in the genuine care laced in his words, regardless of any misgivings Hero may still hold.
Despite how Hero himself is still a young adult in all this, one who has hardly the life experience to have all the answers, Sunny is still able to detect a sense of self-assigned maturity and responsibility in his voice. It’s still the kind of voice Sunny subconsciously associates with proper adulthood.
Sunny just wishes he could dress himself just half as sharply as Hero always does.
Even Kel had shown up dressed nicer than Sunny could say he had ever seen him before, especially for something as low-key as this. He was wearing a sweater that almost looked too preppy for someone of his typical demeanor. It had a terracotta complexion to it, far removed from the traditional highlighter orange that was typical of Kel.
Sunny gives Hero a silent but earnest nod in response to Hero's query on his situation as of late.
For Hero, that's going to have to be enough, and he knows that.
He knows that there is no real point in trying to pry and prod Sunny for something deeper every time they see one another. For better or for worse, Hero is plenty aware that Sunny is going to have to take the first steps to do that himself, and Hero is just going to have to be there, waiting for him.
Hero figures he ought to make sure that Kel hasn't broken anything yet or spilled something, and so Sunny can have the space to properly "greet" the latter half of today's gathering.
"Alright, well, uh... I better make sure Kel doesn't spill anything. Again. I think Aubrey and Basil should be right—"
Hero was cut off by what sounded like a pair of combat boots making their way down the hallway, with a second pair of footsteps that sounded like they were doing their absolute best to keep up.
"Hm. Speak of the devil." He gives Sunny a passing pat on the shoulder, one that feels almost like Hero had been rehearsing it in his head the whole drive here.
Sunny can hear Hero making a beeline for the living room, practically having to speedwalk as he does in order to circumvent any patented Kel catastrophes in the making.
It only takes a quick first glimpse of an oncoming Aubrey for Sunny to be able to tell that from the look of her roots she probably hasn’t dyed her hair in a good while. Sunny figures it’s probably best he keeps that little observation to himself.
Aubrey herself clearly had something rehearsed in her head that she was planning to say to Sunny, though that quickly becomes derailed when she has to physically prevent Basil from chickening out by grabbing the hood of his hoodie, with Basil audibly gagging from this as a result. She practically has to lift him off the ground just to place him squarely within the confines of Sunny’s abode.
Initially, the fact that Basil has what looks to be a beard growing in patches is what stands out to Sunny the most.
Aubrey knows that it's going to be a minute before Basil is going to be able to muster up the courage to say something, so she takes the lead with the formalities.
Though Aubrey does her best to hide how taken aback she is by the sight of Sunny greeting her while wearing an old Gino’s shirt that doesn’t even fit him properly and sporting a haircut that resembles little of the bowl cut he had back when they were kids, it still takes her an extra second before she’s able to find the right words:
"Hey."
There was a beat after that, one where Aubrey was just left standing there in the doorway, waiting for Sunny to say something, with Sunny himself left standing, not knowing what he should say.
Despite his best efforts to keep his composure, Sunny’s face betrays him in those subtle ways that only someone who has known him long enough, someone like Aubrey, is ever going to pick up on. Sunny still considers it a miracle that Aubrey even has the will required to stomach being in the same room as him.
Sunny opens his mouth to say something, though he quickly backtracks when the words end up evading him.
Eventually, Sunny does his best to just give Aubrey a nod as casually as possible, which he sees as a measured response to her initial introduction, though his confidence is lacking considerably.
Aubrey’s face visibly goes stiff. It’s not anything that would give Sunny’s a run for its money, but it’s still there for anyone paying attention. She just rolls her eyes as she shakes her head, silently questioning herself as to why she ever expects anything more from someone like Sunny.
She places a hand on Sunny’s shoulder. It isn’t the friendliest hand in the world, but Sunny doesn’t flinch or show any signs that he minds much at all, really, though, again, these sorts of things can be tricky with Sunny.
"Alright look, I know for a fact that I didn't forget your birthday or anything like that, so I hope you weren't expecting me to get you anything. Basil here did, though."
Aubrey steps aside and, with an outstretched arm, gestures towards the direction of Basil himself.
Turns out, Aubrey was not lying. Basil is indeed holding something in his hands, something that most certainly does look like it is meant for Sunny.
It is most certainly not Sunny’s birthday.
Yet another bout of silence washes over them, with Basil left looking damn near petrified, as if he feels he doesn’t belong there. Sunny’s casual presence and typical demeanor do little to ease his nerves.
Aubrey can tell that, whatever this is with Sunny and Basil, it’s not something she necessarily has a part in. She’s not sure she even wants a part in it. There’s enough left unsaid between those two to fill out a mediocre memoir.
When it becomes clear that neither Sunny nor Basil is likely to say something anytime soon, Aubrey just sighs to herself and gives Basil a pat on the shoulder, one meant to tell him to just lighten up for once. She gives Sunny a passing look that tells him not to say or do anything stupid before making her way to the living room. It’s been too long since she’s gotten to mess with both Kel and Hero.
Basil tries his best to acknowledge Sunny's presence in the room with him in a way that he is hoping comes off as natural, even if he is clearly avoiding direct eye contact.
He tries eyeing his surroundings, Sunny's "new" place in this instance, as if he hasn't already memorized every exact detail of it by now and could pinpoint where everything is supposed to be after having done this entire routine dozens of times before.
After trying to do a no-look attempt at closing the door, with him very obviously and very painfully missing the doorknob itself two times and having to give up in the end, Basil finds that he has virtually nothing left to distract him from where he is, and who it is standing there right in front of him.
This is really happening.
Sunny knows he has to at least stay there and give Basil the opportunity to try and redeem himself here. Basil himself is bound to overthink and dwell over this encounter in the far-off future one way or the other. Sunny might as well give him time to say his piece.
All Basil can think to do, the only option that looks simple enough not to screw up, is hand Sunny the card he felt the need to gift him, for some reason.
"...I just had this one leftover from Polly's birthday, so I figured, why not? You know?"
Basil practically forces the card itself into Sunny's hands, rushing the words out and barely able to keep his hands steady. There are little flowers printed on the envelope, obviously. Sunny is pretty sure it smells a little like flowers too. Some things really do never change.
Sunny can’t tell if Basil wants him to open it right here and now. It really isn’t Sunny’s birthday, so he has no idea what sort of formalities this situation calls for. He looks back at Basil, showing no clear indicator of how he feels about this gesture, and just hopes that Basil has it within himself to think of something to say to elevate the static.
Basil’s own visage is just as lost as Sunny’s, if not more so. Sunny still can’t believe that out of all of them, even counting Hero, Basil is the one with the closest thing resembling a “beard,’ despite the novice look of it.
"Sunny, if there's money in that, can I have half of it?? I had to drive Basil here!"
Aubrey calls out from the living room, immediately startling both Sunny and Basil. They can hear Kel start to howl with laughter while Hero tries desperately in vain to keep his own stifled laughter in check.
Sunny slowly turns back to Basil, wearing a face that almost looks as though he's quietly asking him if there really is any money in the card. It does have a bit of weight to it.
Basil doesn't know what to say.
"I got to go to the bathroom."
He knew how to say that, apparently.
Basil shuffles past Sunny and makes an immediate beeline for the bathroom. He didn't even take his shoes off.
He's going to need a minute.
Or two.
Basil has pulled this stunt so many times that Sunny figures he must be more well acquainted with most people’s bathroom than anywhere else at this point.
Sunny is still weirded out over bathrooms in general, even to this day. Whenever he tries to look in the mirror, it’s like his eyes are trying to focus on something that isn’t there, and it hurts. He hates it. It makes him feel stupid.
Sunny takes in a deep breath and subsequently lets out a heavy sigh to himself over how all of this has started out exactly how he thought it would, while simultaneously giving him total whiplash.
He tries adorning his face with a toothy smile, one wholly unnatural to him and resembling more of a grimace one would make when they have to get their leg amputated via a hacksaw and with no anesthesia. It’s an endeavor that’s abandoned immediately.
"…Okay."
After making sure that he doesn’t have anything on his shirt, Sunny steadies himself. This isn't going to be fun, but he needs to do this.