Actions

Work Header

Tell Me You Love Me- Stenbrough

Summary:

Stanley Uris wishes he could be perfect. The perfect son, friend, student. The problem is, he loves a boy. A boy who doesn't love him back.
Bill Denbrough thinks Stan is the most perfect person on the planet. But he knows the Stanley isn't gay. He knows that they are just friends.

(This is my first time writing, so any constructive criticism is appreciated)

Chapter 1: Tuesday, September 3rd, 1993, 8:26am

Chapter Text

Stanley Uris walked quietly into his science class. The majority of the seats were already full. No matter where he sat it seemed he would be in the way. Blocking other people from sitting with their friends. His friends weren’t there. Somehow they all ended up in math together. Aside, of course, for Stanley.

  Maybe they liked it better without him there . His eyes wandered over the room of people laughing, turned around in their chairs talking. Maybe everyone would be happier without him there.

 He needed to snap away from these thoughts. Focus on something different. The seats. He would sit in the second row from the front, on the left hand side, next to the window. This way he would at least be sitting beside only one person, not in between two. It was gray and rainy outside the window. Not unusual weather for Derry. 

Loud, rowdy, laughter coming from the entrance on the other side of the class drew his attention away from the window. There were two boys coming through the door. Henry Bowers and Patrick Hogsetter. Stanley's breath caught in his throat. His heartbeat sped up. He couldn’t be in a class with them. Henry Bowers and his “gang” had been terrorizing Stanley and his friends since they were young. Both Henry and Patrick were older than him by a couple years, but had been held back twice. Henry had been held back for the second time last year, meaning he was probably angry, and ready to take it out on anyone. Patrick looked directly at Stanley. Stanley tried to look away, but wasn’t quick enough. Their eyes locked, just for a split second, but it was long enough to see that to Patrick, this was the perfect excuse to hurt him. Henry was still talking, but Patrick just nudged him and, once he got his attention, pointed over at Stanley, and muttered something. They began their slow, antagonizing walk over. They knew he had nowhere he could go. All he could do was keep his eyes down and try to control his breathing.

Henry slammed his hands down as hard as could on Stanley’s desk. All the conversations around them stopped. The room was dead silent. Stanley could feel all eyes on him. His eyes darted up off his desk for less than a second before looking back down. 

“What the fuck are you staring at!” Henry screamed. Stanley could feel his breath on his face. They could do whatever they wanted to him right now.The teacher wasn’t in class yet, and no one else was going to stop them.

“Com’on flamer, answer the question,” Patrick sneered. He always had this psychotic smile on his face. He was just waiting for the next time he got to hurt someone. “Give us the right answer now, and maybe we won’t need to beat the shit out of you later.”

Stanley was frozen in his seat. He wasn’t breathing anymore, just sitting there, praying they would just leave him alone. He hadn’t done anything wrong. He couldn’t speak up if he wanted to. It felt like there was something blocking his throat, making it impossible for him to. More than anything right now, he wished for the losers to be here with him. Bill especially. Bill always knew how to deal with these situations. How to make him breathe again.

“Hello class!” The chipper voice from behind Henry and Patrick made Stanley jump in his seat a little. The teacher had just walked into the class. She was an older woman with a sweet smile, and seemed much happier to be there than any of the other students.  “Boys if you could please go take a seat, we’ll get started as soon as the bell goes.” 

“You’re dead,” Henry mouthed, before he and Patrick made their way to the back of the class. 

“Perfect. Now welcome to your junior year. I’m Mrs. Waters and I will be your science teacher.”

Chapter 2: Tuesday, September 3rd, 1993, 9:20am

Chapter Text

Stanley Uris rushed out of class the second the dismissal bell rang. He needed to get out of there. He could feel Henry’s eyes burning a hole into his back the entire class. He knew his friends would be close. The math and science rooms were in the same hall, he just needed to spot them.

The first thing he spotted was Beverly Marsh’s red hair. They were at the other end of the hall. He didn’t turn around to see where Henry was, he just kept walking straight, as fast as he could without drawing attention to himself, until he made it to them.

“S-Stan!” Bill Denrough was the first person who noticed Stanley. His lips curled up into a big smile when he did. Bill had the most contagious smile. It spread across his whole face. His blue eyes lit up,and his nose crinkled.

“Stan the man!” Richie Tozier, whose back had been turned, spun around.

“Are you feeling okay? You don’t look so great,” Eddie Kaspbrak said, opening his fanny pack. He kept all sorts of medicines in there. “Do you need something?”

“I’m fine, thank you though.” Stanley always tried to document times like these in his mind. When alone, it’s easy to feel uncared for. But each time he sees his friends again, that feeling sort of just washes away until the next time they’re apart. “Bowers is in my science class. Patrick Hocksetter too.”

“Both of them? I’m sorry man,” Ben Hanscom frowned. He always sounded genuinely sympathetic when he said the words “I’m sorry”. He had had his share of bad experiences with Henry Bowers and his friends. They all had. It was part of what brought them together.

“Yeah, did you do something to them?” Mike Hanlon asked.

“What do you mean, Mike?” Beverly looked at him confused. “Obviously he didn’t-”

“They’re walking over here. And they look… more unhappy than usual.”

Stanley turned around to see and sure enough, they were over halfway down the hallway. His eyes grew wide, and his breath slowed, almost to a stop again. The only way out was past Henry and Patrick. They were trapped.

“Stan, it's o-okay. We’r-re all h-ere,” Bill said, moving closer to him. Bill was the “leader” of their group. He always had been. He was the strongest out of all of them, everyone knew it. Maybe that was why Bill saying it would be okay brought him so much comfort. He would trust Bill with his life. Any of them would.

Stanley watched as Henry and Patrick got closer and closer. Henry must have noticed, as once he got close enough he snapped, “you’ve really got a staring problem, haven’t you? First ogling Patrick in class, now this?”

Before Henry could say anything else, Richie did. “Well, it’s understandable, isn’t it? Sometimes, someone is just so ugly , you can’t take your eyes off them.” He dramatically looked Henry up and down. “No matter how much you wish you could.”

“Beep beep Rich,” Eddie muttered. He was right. Richie needed to shut up. Henry and Patrick looked ready to beat someone to death, and only six members of The Losers Club wouldn’t feel right.

“You little piece of shit. I’m going to break both your fucking legs!”

“At least I won’t have to see you when I’m in the hospital,” Richie grinned.

Stanley let out an audible sigh. What the hell was wrong with him?

Henry pulled his arm back and punched Richie. Blood started to pour out of his nose as he stumbled backward.  Stanley and Ben grabbed Richie before he could fall backward. 

“F-f-f-fuck off Bowers!” God Bill please don’t get yourself hurt please. 

“You hear that Henry?” Patrick chuckled. “You better fuh-fuh-fuh-”

Someone interrupted Patrick from behind him. “What is going on here?” It was Mrs. Waters. No one had heard her coming, no one had seen her walking down the hall. But she was here now, looking concerned at the bleeding boy sitting on the floor. “Mr Bowers, Mr Hocksetter, after school detention.”

Chapter 3: Saturday, November 17th, 1993, 12:58pm

Chapter Text

Stanley Uris sat at his window, binoculars around his neck. There were hardly any birds out. He had nothing but his own thoughts to occupy him. It was three months into the school year, and he had learned to keep his head down after the first incident in science. Each day, he walked into the class silently, sat down, and didn’t move or speak. He just disappeared into the background. 

It was his fault Richie had gotten hurt. It was all his fault, and if it happened again, it might be the thing that made them want to leave him behind. Stanley knew he couldn’t be alone. He knew he wouldn’t make it without them. 

The phone on his desk rang, interrupting his thoughts. Probably for the better. It was most likely Bill. Hardly anyone else ever called. Sometimes one of the other Losers would, to invite him to go someplace with the group, but even those calls were usually made by Bill. He picked up the phone, and sure enough, the familiar, stuttering voice came through the receiver. 

“H-hey Stan! It’s B-Bill. Can I c-come over?” Bill had a fake happiness in voice, and Stanley took a mental note to ask him about it later. Somebody else might not have been able to tell the difference, but he normally could feel Bill smiling through the phone.

“Yeah, my parents shouldn’t be home for another few hours.” Stanley’s parents didn’t like him having people over, but they were often out of the house, and as long as Stanley kept the house looking exactly the same, they would never know.

“I’ll be th-th-there in t-ten.” The other end of the line clicked.

Almost exactly ten minutes later, the doorbell rang. Bill was standing behind the door, smiling. “H-how’s it going S-stan?”

“Come on in.” Stanley moved to let Bill inside. “We’re just going to have to hang out in my room, my parents are having people over for dinner later, and I don't want to risk messing something up.”

“Works f–f-for me.”

They were walking up the stairs to Stanley’s room when he remembered how Bill had sounded on the phone. “Was there any reason you wanted to come over?”

“I wanted to s-s-see y-ou,” Bill smiled, turning into Stanley’s room. 

Stan gave him a look that said “I know there’s more to it”.

“And I-I-I-I-” Bill paused for a second to regain himself. “I gu-guess I j-just cuh-couldn’t really be at h-home r-right now.”

Stanley should have figured. Ever since Georgie’s death, Bill had found it hard to be at home. Some days more than others. As they sat on the bed, he said, “My parents will be home at 4:45. You can stay here until then.”

“Th-thanks Stan.” Bill’s hand rested on Stanley’s. 

Stanley looked down at their hands, one on top of the other, and back up at Bill. He really did have the most beautiful smile.

Chapter 4: Sunday, November 18th, 1993, 10:17am

Chapter Text

Stanley Uris couldn’t stop thinking about Bill. His smile, his voice, how their hands had felt together. It was strange. He had never thought about anyone else this way. As soon as Bill left yesterday, he felt emptier. He had sat through his parents' dinner, been polite to their guests, and made his way up to his room. He hadn’t been able to sleep. He was so distracted. Maybe today he would call Bill, ask him to come over again. 

What if Bill thought he was clingy, and annoying, and needy? What if Bill didn’t actually like being around him? What if Bill just felt sorry for him? 

He couldn’t stop all these “what ifs” from rushing into his head, like water past a broken dam. His eyes started to burn and his vision became blurry. 

There was a banging at his door. He quickly rubbed the tears out of his eyes. “Yes?”

His dad took a step into the room and looked at Stanley in disapproval. “Why are you still in bed Stanley? Didn’t you say you had a science test tomorrow?”

“Sorry,” he mumbled. 

“Don’t mumble Stanley.”

“Sorry.” He made sure his voice was clear. “I’ll start studying now.”

“Good. We don’t want those grades to drop.” He didn’t even bother to fake a smile. To give Stanley any sign that “even though we don’t want those grades to drop, it would be okay if they did, and your mother and I would still love you if you went from an A to a B+”.

Slowly, he pulled himself out of bed and sat down at his desk. He pulled the heavy textbook out of his bag, along with his binder and began reviewing his notes.

Before long he found himself staring at the phone. He imagined it ringing, and Bill’s voice on the other side when he picked it.

Chapter 5: Wednesday, November 21st, 1993, 3:12 pm

Chapter Text

Stanley Uris walked home in silence with Bill. It wasn’t an awkward silence, they just didn’t have all that much to talk about after going around dropping all The Losers off at their homes, one by one. Richie lived next door to Stanley, and would normally be with them, and the ideas of “Richie Tozier” and “silence” did not go together. Richie wasn’t there though. He hadn’t gone to school, because he was “sick”. He had claimed his illness had nothing to do with the math test they had in second period, but everyone knew he was lying.

Stanley watched Bill kick a rock around while they walked. He smiled as he watched Bill’s eyes follow the rock.

Bill kicked the rock again, except this time it didn’t go straight back onto the sidewalk. It rolled diagonally into the road. Bill’s mind was clearly in other places, and he followed it. Stanley grabbed his arm and pulled him off of the road, just before a car came speeding around the corner. 

“God Bill, be careful,” Stanley scolded him, his eyes wide.

What would he do without Bill? If he was too late and didn't pull him away in time?

“S-sorry Stan.” Bill was laughing. He hadn’t realized how close his life had come to ending. Despite his worries, Stanley laughed too. Bill’s laugh was too contagious not to.  

Slow clapping from behind the two boys made them turn around. It was Henry Bowers, walking towards them, behind him, Patrick Hocksetter, Victor Criss and Belch Huggins. 

“Proud of yourself ‘Stan’? You saved your boyfriend.” Stanley cringed at Henry’s use of the nickname. His chest tightened, and he took a step back.

Bill looked at Stanley before saying, “I-I’m not h-h-his boy-boyfriend.”

“Could’ve fooled me. You look like a bunch of fags,” Henry snarled.

“Shame that car didn’t speed up a bit, huh Henry,” Victor added in. “Gotten rid of one of them.”

Bill and Stanley were outnumbered, and Stanley had been chased by Vic Criss before, and knew that he was much faster and could catch them easily. Stanley tried to think of a plan, but his mind was blank. Staring into the eyes of the four boys in front of him, he couldn’t even do so much as move.

 He had never been luckier than to be with Bill. Right as Henry had taken a swing at Bill, he grabbed Stanley’s arm and ran. He could hear Henry shouting order behind them, and footsteps rapidly approaching them. But then Bill stopped. They weren’t hidden. They had just stopped. “Bill what are you doi-”

“We’re at th-the p-p–olice station Stan. N-not only th-that, but Henry’s dad w-works here. Re-remember? They ar-aren’t going to try anyth-thing with him right inside.”

He turned to look over at Bowers and his gang, to see a furious Henry. Bill had been right. They were turning around, making their way back to wherever they were going before.

“Yeah, right, sorry. I forgot,” Stanley managed to stammer out. He felt tears in eyes. He didn’t want to cry in front of Bill.

“M-maybe we can h-hang at Ben’s f-for a while. Both-th of our hou-houses are in the s-same direction they’re going.”

“Yeah, sure. Good idea.” Stanley physically couldn’t say more than that. His breath was still caught in his throat.

“Are y-you okay?” Bill sounded concerned. 

“Yeah. I’m fin-” Bill cut Stanley off by wrapping his arms around him. Bill was taller than him, but not by much. Stanley felt as if he could melt into Bill’s embrace.

“Bill Henry could still turn back around and see-”

“I d-don’t care. I just w-wanna make s-sure you’re okay.”

Chapter 6: Thursday, November 22st, 1993, 1:06am

Chapter Text

Stanley Uris kept replaying Bill’s words in his head. They had been repeating all night. It was Bill’s voice saying them, but it sounded cruel. 

“I’m not his boyfriend. I’m not his boyfriend. I’m not his boyfriend. I’m not his boyfriend. I’m not his boyfriend. I’m not his boyfriend. I’m not his boyfriend. I’m not his boyfriend. I’m not his boyfriend. I’m not his boyfriend. I’m not his boyfriend. I’m not his boyfriend.”

Of course he wasn’t. So why did hearing Bill say it hurt so much?

Chapter 7: Thursday, November 22st, 1993, 1:12am

Notes:

TW/ Suicidal thoughts
Remember you are perfect just the way you are.

Chapter Text

Stanley Uris was in love with Bill Denbrough. He couldn’t be in love with Bill. Being in love with Bill would mean he was gay. He couldn’t be gay.

He had heard the way his parents talk about queer people. People like him. How it was unnatural, disgusting, wrong. 

Stanley stood up out of bed. He slowly made his way to the bathroom. He looked in the mirror. He saw the same face he did every time he did. His hair was messier, his eyes had darker bags, but it was still the same person.

 Maybe no one would be able to tell that there was something wrong with him. That there was something wrong with him that he couldn’t fix. 

Tears welled up in the eyes of his reflection. He tried to wipe away the blurry vision, but the tears kept coming. He soon found himself sobbing silently on the bathroom floor. 

What would Bill say if he knew this? “I can’t believe I’ve been hanging around a faggot this whole time” “You’re so fucking disgusting, how could anyone ever love you?” “Go kill yourself. It’s not like this town will miss a fucking queer like you.” 

He sat there for hours. He couldn’t stop sobbing. His heart felt heavy. Each time the tears started to slow, he thought about what would happen if everyone knew. If Bill, if his parents, if his friends, if the whole town, knew. That started them spilling out again.

He wondered what would happen if he just ended it all right here. Nobody would know if he did. And Bill could never love him. Was a life without him really worth living?

Stanley knew he wouldn’t be able to go through with that. 

Chapter 8: Friday, November 23st, 1993, 9:48pm

Chapter Text

Stanley Uris had faked being sick for the first time. He couldn’t bring himself to go school and face Bill. It hurt him though, going even just two days without seeing him. Realizing his feelings for Bill made them stronger, no matter how much he didn’t want to feel them. 

Breaking the silence of his room, the phone rang. Bill. He would pick up the phone, and Bill would be on the other side. He didn’t know if he could talk to Bill without turning into a crying mess. But he had never missed a call from Bill. When Georgie died, Stanley was the first person he called. When he couldn’t stand to be in his own house, he called Stanley. He couldn’t just let Bill down.

He slowly picked up the phone. “Hello?”

“S-Stan! Are you f-feeling okay?”

“I’ve, umm-” Stanley couldn’t think of what to say. He didn’t want Bill to worry, but he didn’t want him to know he was pretending either. “I’ve been better.”

“Well if you f-feel up for it, we were all g-gonna go down by the B-b-barrens tomorrow. Y’know, go down to the club h-h-house one last time before the s-snow really starts c-c-coming down.” Bill sounded hopeful. Like he really did want Stanley to join them. 

“Yeah, I-I will if I can.” 

They sat in silence for a minute. Stanley wasn’t ready to say goodbye, to go back to his quiet, lonely room, where nothing but his thoughts occupied him. He wanted to say something, but couldn’t. He was grateful when Bill finally spoke up again.

“You h-haven’t missed too m-much. In math-th and geo, at least. We h-have a math test n-next Wednesday, b-but you already kn-know it all.”

“Thanks Bill. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Why the fuck would he say that? It made him sound so desperate and… in love. 

“No p-problem. I-it’s not like y-you can get th-this from Richie. H-he’d just be a dick a-about it.” Bill laughed, and for the first time in days, Stanley smiled too. Just the sound of Bill’s laughter through the shitty speaker made him feel like, just for a second, everything could be okay. 

The two of them talked for a while longer. Bill told Stanley everything that had happened the last two days. How Henry had gotten detention for punching a kid in front of the principal's office (“How has he only been held back twice? You’d have to be half brain dead to do something that dumb,” Stanley had said when Bill told him, which made Bill laugh), how Richie had almost broken his nose tripping over his own feet, how Bill had to give a presentation in history and stuttered on every word (“W-w-what am I even going to dumb s-s-peech th-therapy for at this p-po-point?”) and Stanley had assured him that it was likely not as bad as he thought it had been. 

Bill’s stutter had never botherer him. It brought him comfort. He could normally listen to Bill talk for hours, but this time each word brought tears to eyes. Despite this, Stanley didn’t want Bill to leave, so he chimed in whenever he could. He didn’t want Bill to think he was bored and hang up.

“And I s-saved the best p-piece of news for last,” Bill said excitedly. 

“Well, don’t keep me waiting. What is it?”

“Ben f–f-f-finally asked Bev out! At lu-lunch today,” Bill exclaimed.

“Took him long enough,” Stanley commented.

“R-right?! He’s been in l-l-love with her for years. If s-someone l-liked me, I w-would just want th-them to tell me.”

Stanley let out a sad chuckle at this. Ironic. Bill saying that to the boy who loves him.

“Well, w-wouldn’t y-you?”

“I guess so.” Only if you were the one telling me, he thought.

Silence. One minute passed, then two.

“You sh-should sleep S-stan. I want you t-to f-f-f-feel better tomorrow so you can c-come hang out w-with us.”

Please don’t hang up. I don't want to be alone here. “Yeah, probably. Hopefully I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“B-bye Stan.” The line clicked. Bill was gone. Stanley let out all the tears he had been holding in.

Chapter 9: Saturday, November 24st, 1993, 10:52am

Chapter Text

Stanley Uris was going to see Bill for the first time since he acknowledged his feelings for him and cried so hard he almost threw up. He had called him this morning to confirm he was going, and the time they would meet. Bill sounded ecstatic when he said he would come. It could have just been Stanley’s imagination though, his wishful thinking.

 He looked in the mirror. He was still himself. If he didn’t fuck up and say something dumb, nobody would know.

As he made his way downstairs, he saw Richie, standing in the doorway, talking to his dad. Despite knowing the Toziers for 14 years, they had never been invited over for dinner. Stanley’s father didn’t like Richie at all. Neither of his parents did. They constantly said things like “he’s too immature, that boy needs to grow up and learn some manners, he’s a bad influence on you”. Even if it was all true, Richie was his friend, no matter how annoying he could be. 

“Stan the man!” Richie shouted once he saw Stan. “How ya feeling?”

“Fine. Are you ready to go?” 

Stanley pulled Richie outside before he could say another word. 

Richie talked the entire way to the Barrens. Stanley was hardly listening though. He was rehearsing what he would say to everyone, Bill especially.

The walk seemed to drag on and on, but Richie and Stanley eventually arrived at the clubhouse Ben had built them when they were twelve. The rest of the losers were there already. 

When they got inside Stanley noticed Ben and Beverly sitting next to each other, closer than usual. He supposed that meant the date went well. 

“Stan, you’re back,” Eddie exclaimed, as Richie went to take his normal seat, practically on top of Eddie. “You’re feeling better, right? My mom has been totally freaking out about the flu and if I get even a little bit sick now she’s taking me straight to the hospital. Richie get away from me!” 

Richie had put his hand on Eddie’s forehead like he was feeling his temperature, and did possibly the worst impression of Eddie’s mom Stanley would ever see. “Oh my poor Eddie Bear. Seems like you’ve got a case of the-”

Stanley interrupted Richie before he could make some dumb, not funny, probably inappropriate joke. “Yeah, I feel fine.”

“I-I’m happy you c-could come.” He hadn’t even looked at Bill yet. He didn’t know what would happen if he did. 

“Me too,” he said before turning to Ben and Beverly. “So, Bill told me the exciting news,” he prompted.

“That’s right! How’d it go last night?” Mike jumped in.

“It was- we had uh- well I had-” Ben stammered. Stanley immediately felt awful. He hadn’t meant to make them uncomfortable.

“It was great,” Beverly cut Ben off. “We went to that Chinese place. I had never been there before, but the food was great.” She smiled at him. They were perfect for each other. Stanley felt a pane of jealousy. 

Why couldn’t he have that? Why did he have to be this way? Why couldn’t Bill love him? It wasn’t fair.

In the six hours the seven of them spent together, Stanley hadn’t said more than a few words to Bill. Every time he looked at him he was reminded of the cold hard truth. Bill, with his beautiful eyes and gorgeous smile, would never love him.

Chapter 10: Wednesday, December 4th, 1993, 10:26am

Chapter Text

Stanley Uris was exhausted. He couldn’t remember the last time he slept more than two hours a night. He was grabbing his books for biology. He slammed his locker shut and was about to make his way to class when he heard someone shouting his name from down the hall. 

“Stan! W-wait up!” Bill was jogging toward him.

“I really have to get to class Bill-” His heart skipped a beat when he saw Bill’s smile. It didn’t quite reach his eyes, but still looked genuine.

“I’ll walk y-you over. You h-have bio next, r-right?” He looked over at Stanley for confirmation. “I-I really w-wanna t-talk.”

What could he possibly want to say to him? “I know what you’re hiding. You fucking disgust me. I wanted to tell you to stay the fuck away from me, you fucking fag.”

“I can’t right now Bill. I really have to get to class.” He rushed off before Bill could say another word. 

He felt awful. He was ruining everything. Stanley couldn’t stand to be around Bill in person, and when he was home, didn’t have the energy to pick up the phone. He was destroying his friendship with Bill, but at this point he honestly didn’t know what hurt more. Being around Bill, and seeing him laugh and smile, but knowing that he will never his, or isolating himself from Bill completely. What he did know was that the latter was a hell of a lot easier.

Chapter 11: Monday, December 16th, 1993, 12:32pm

Chapter Text

Stanley Uris sat in the cafeteria with his friends. He felt like he was going to pass out right there. He had hardly been sleeping lately, each night being haunted by his own thoughts.

“Hey, do you guys know Carole Danner?” Mike asked out of the blue.

“She’s in our history class,” Bill said. “Right Stan?”

“I think so,” Stabley replied. He wasn’t sure he liked where this conversation was headed. He didn’t think he could handle another one of friends being in a relationship. He was, of course, happy for them, but it hurt him that he would never get to tell them about the person who he was in love with.

“Why Mikey? You got a crush? Want our approval before you blow her away with your charm,” Richie grinned.

“Well, she’s in my science class, and we’ve been hanging out a lot lately,” Mike said, which was followed with an “OooOOoo” from Richie. 

“Beep beep Rich,” Eddie muttered. 

“She invited me to her Christmas party this Friday. And said I could bring you guys. I don’t really wanna go alone, so I was hoping you’d come with me?”

“I-I’m in Mike. She s-seems nice enough.” Bill was the first of them to offer to go, but one by one, the rest of the Losers did too.

Ben and Beverly were happy to make a date out of it.

It was common knowledge that Richie despised being alone, and was always eager to go out and spend time with anyone he could.

Eddie decided he could just tell his mom he was spending the night at Richie’s, because she would never let him go to a party, and then go there after.

“S-stan, how about you?”

They were all looking at him. He felt his heart speed up in his chest. He really didn’t want to go. He had already told them that his parents would be out of town for the weekend, so he didn’t have any sort of excuse. He couldn’t be the only one of them not going. What kind of friend would that make him? 

“Sure, I guess I’ll go.” He forced a small smile. He met Bill's eyes, smiling back at him, and quickly looked down.

Chapter 12: Friday, December 20th, 1993, 10:29pm

Chapter Text

Stanley Uris was walking over to Carole’s house with Richie. It was closer than he thought it was, only around seven minutes from his house. 

They were planning to meet up with the other Losers there. Richie had been shockingly quiet on the walk so far. Stanley wondered if it was because of him. If maybe he had said something that could have tipped Richie off on what was really going on with him.

As if he had read Stanley’s mind, Richie said, “You feeling okay Stan?”

Stanley looked down at feet. He didn’t want to look Richie in the eyes and lie to him. “I’m fine. Why?”

“I dunno. You’ve seemed off lately. Maybe it’s just me.” Richie shrugged his shoulders as they approached Carole’s house and knocked on the door.

The girl who opened the door was very cheerful looking. “Hi! You’re Mike’s friends, right? He’s already here, come on in.” She held the door open for the two boys before running off to see some of her friends. 

Mike and Eddie were sitting on the couch talking. Richie jumped onto the couch next to Eddie, almost landing on top of him. “Hey Eddie Spaghetti.”

“Don’t call me that.”

Stanley took a seat next to Mike. It was loud and crowded in the house already, and this definitely wasn’t everyone who was coming. He was already wishing he hadn’t come. 

It wasn’t long before Carole showed up again, this time offering drinks. Stanley knew he shouldn’t take one. And he wasn’t going to, until Bill walked in. He looked incredible. He was so much more calm than when they were at school. It had been so long since Stanley had gone out with the Losers he almost forgot how Bill looked when he wasn’t under the everyday pressure of being there. He grabbed one of the drinks from Carole and thanked her. It might make him feel less anxious around Bill, or at least stop him from thinking about him the entire night.

Chapter 13: Saturday, December 21th, 1993, 12:11am

Chapter Text

Stanley Uris was drunk. After the first drink he figured feeling a little tipsy was better than feeling heartbroken, so he had another drink, and another one after that. And for the first time in ages, he was genuinely enjoying himself. His feelings for Bill obviously hadn’t gone away, but he felt less devastated about them now, and more like how he imagined most teenagers in love felt.

He had barely seen Bill since the beginning of the night. It was crowded, and loud, and it was hard to keep track of people. If he were sober he would know it was best that way. Instead he went looking for him. He wanted to see Bill, and the logical part of him that told him it was a bad idea was long gone. 

He wandered aimlessly through the house. Once he got upstairs the rooms were less crowded. Finally, he pushed past a half-open door to see Bill, alone, standing in the middle of a room. 

“Stan.” Bill’s smile was small. It wasn’t the same as when he was actually happy. Still, it made Stanley’s heart feel like it was melting. “I-I was just l-looking f-for you.

“I was looking for you!”

“I-I w-w-want to t-talk. Did I-I do s-so-something w-wrong? You s-s-seem l-like you’ve b-been avoiding m-me.”

Stanley didn’t have an answer. His mind was full of fog. The only thing he could think of to say was, “you’re beautiful.”

Bill was taken aback. He clearly didn’t know what to think, let alone how to respond. “W-w-w-what?”

Stanley smiled at him before repeating himself. “I said you’re beautiful. Like, the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. I really lo-”

Bill's eyes widened. “O-oh my god, S-Stan, are you dr-drunk?” 

Stanley shrugged, and concern flooded Bill’s face. “I-I’m gonna w-walk you home n-now, okay?”

He grabbed Stanley’s arm and carefully walked him down the stairs. Before turning out the door, he signaled to Eddie that they were leaving.

The walk to Stanley’s house was cold and brisk. Neither of them said anything. Bill knew where the spare key was kept, and was able to get them inside without a problem. He brought Stanley up to his room.

“T-try to get some s-sleep, okay S-Stan? I’ll s-see you tomorrow.”

Instead of laying awake as he had been everyday lately, Stanley fell into a deep sleep nearly as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Chapter 14: Saturday, December 21th, 1993, 11:14am

Chapter Text

Stanley Uris was woken up by knocking on the front door and a pounding headache. It took a moment before everything from the night before came back. Everything he had said to Bill. That was probably him at the door, wanting an explanation. Or maybe to confirm it really happened.

Or maybe to spit in his face and call him a disgusting queer, all for the whole town to see.

If it was Bill, he couldn’t just leave him standing out there. He was stubborn, and wasn’t going to go away until Stanley opened the door.

So, he slowly dragged himself out of bed and down the stairs. He stood, staring at the door. He couldn’t do it yet. Force himself to open that door and possibly have his life changed.

When he pulled open the door, he saw he was right. Bill’s bike was dumped in the driveway, Bill’s footprints were leading up to the door, and Bill was standing there.

“H-How are y-you?”

“I’ve been better.” If Bill screamed at him or hit him or had any other sort of reaction, he didn’t want anyone else to see it. “Do you want to come inside,” Stanley said quietly.

Bill stepped inside, and Stanley gently closed the door behind him. The silence inside the house was unbelievably loud. They were both thinking about the same thing and knew it, but neither wanted to be the one to bring it up. 

Finally, Bill did. “A-about last n-night-”

“I’m sorry Bill. I was drunk and said some stuff. I don’t even remember some of the night,” he lied. Stanley remembered each drunken, but truthful, word he had said to Bill.

“I-I kn-know S-S-S-Stan. It’s f-fine.” He was stuttering more than he normally did. Stanley knew that meant he was uncomfortable, or nervous. Because of him. He had never wanted to be the reason Bill felt that way.

Stanley felt a few tears fall from his eyes, and quickly wiped them away. He had tried so hard to keep this a secret, and now he ruined everything. “Can we just pretend it never happened?”

“I-I c-can’t.”

“Please?” The tears were coming faster. He couldn’t have Bill out of his life forever just because he made a dumb mistake at a party he didn’t want to go to. “I fucked up, I know, and I’m sorry, but-”

“I n-need you t-t-to be hon-honest. D-did you m-mean w-w-what you s-said?” 

Stanley couldn’t answer. The words just weren’t coming. He didn’t want to tell the truth, but at this point, lying would be useless. He nodded his head in the slightest, just enough for Bill to see. “I’m so sorry,” were the only words he could gather the courage to say.

“Y-you don’t h-have to keep ap-apologizing. I-i just w-w-wanted to m-make s-sure before I t-told you-” Bill paused and took in a deep breath. “I-I-I-I r-really l-like you Stan. I have f-for a long t-time. A-and after w-what you s-said last night, I th-thought that you m-might be g-g-gay-” Stanley hoped Bill didn’t notice the way he flinched at that word being directed at him. Hearing someone else saying it, even if it wasn’t in a cruel way, felt wrong. “-and th-that I might h-have a chance w-with you, I had t-to come over a-and see y-you.”

Stanley looked up and for the first time, met Bill’s eyes. He thought that this must be a joke, but even through his blurry, tear-filled vision, he could see in Bill’s eyes that they were genuine. “I’m sorry," he whispered. "I thought that you would hate me if I told you.”  

“D-don’t be s-sorry. There’s n-nothing wrong w-with you, I-I promise. Y-you’re the m-most p-perfect p-person I've ever m-met. I-I could n-never hate you S-Stan.”

There was a long silence between the two,  but it wasn’t an awkward silence like before. It felt nice, that all this tension between them had been lifted.

“S-so do you m-maybe wanna- G-God I was thinking a-about this all n-night, but now th-that I’m here this f-feels k-kinda stupid,” Bill interrupted himself. “D-do you w-wanna go o-out with m-me?”

“Are you- are you asking me out on a date?” Stanley was shocked. There was still a voice in the back of mind telling him it’s a trick. He’s just going to humiliate him in front of everyone.

“Th-that was kinda w-why came over h-here, s-so yeah.” Bill said. He was fiddling with his hands and looking around the room- anywhere but at Stanley. 

How could he be so nervous? Even with all the worries in his mind, Stanley could never decline. “Yes.”

If Stanley could go back in time and replay the second that one word left his mouth, he didn’t think he would ever come back to the present. Bill’s entire face brightened.  He honestly didn’t think he’d ever see anything so beautiful then Bill’s blue eyes gleaming when he looked at him, a smile stretching across his entire face.

Chapter 15: Thursday, January 3rd, 1994, 6:28pm

Chapter Text

Stanley Uris had never been so terrified and excited in his life. He was supposed to meet Bill at the Aladdin to see a movie in exactly thirty-two minutes. To everyone around them they would just look like two friends hanging out. Only they would know it was so much more than that. 

He had never spent so much time getting ready before. Everything about him seemed wrong. His curls weren’t going the right direction, his shirt was sitting right on his body and he had dark circles under his eyes from his lack of sleep lately. He knew that the longer he stood in the mirror, the more imperfections he would find. He needed to just leave. He had a twenty minute walk ahead of him, and would prefer to get there early. 

The walk from Stanley’s house to the Aladdin dragged on and on. He hated that time alone with his thoughts. He questioned if he should even go, or if he should just turn around and save himself from the humiliation if it was all just a joke.

When he got there, he sat down on the bench outside. He was ten minutes early. He watched people pass. As friends, families, couples, and everyone else walked by, he felt like he wasn't even there.

“Stan!” Stanley looked up. He had been so zoned out he hadn't seen Bill standing a little ways away, holding two buckets of popcorn. “I-I-I got you s-something,” he said, holding out one of the buckets to Stanley as he walked over.

The two boys made their way into the dark theater. Stanley didn’t know what they were watching, as Bill had bought the tickets, but it didn’t matter. He was here, with Bill, on a date. And it wasn’t awkward, as he feared it would be. He felt normal, the most normal he felt in a long time.

They sat at the very back, and the film ended up being some boring, poorly made, action movie that neither of them really paid attention to. Aside from them, the theater was nearly completely empty. There was only one other person, who was sitting at the opposite side of the room, so they were able to whisper to each other without disturbing anyone. Sitting in the dark with Bill made it feel like they were the only people in the world. No one else mattered when they were together.

Finally, after two and a half hours, the movie ended. The lights turned back on, and Stanley could see Bill clearly again.

“I-I’ll walk you back h-home?” Bill offered. 

“Thanks.” Stanley wasn’t ready for this to end. Twenty minutes more wasn’t enough. Still, he would take what he could get.

The walk back was far too quiet. They were able to talk throughout that entire shitty movie, but now they walked in dead silence.

Had he done something wrong? Had Bill grown sick of him, or had Bill never really felt anything for him? Of course he fucked this up, the thing he wanted more than anything and he fucked it up-

“”Th-thanks for coming w-with me,” Bill said as they stopped, interrupting Stanley’s spiraling thoughts. 

He looked at Stanley, directly in the eyes. He felt his cheeks heat up, and just hoped it wasn’t too noticeable. In the dim porch light, Bill’s eyes were a beautiful, deep blue. 

“W-would you wanna d-do this again, s-sometime? M-maybe?”

Of course he did. He wanted this to be all they did, he wanted this to be normal, he wanted to actually be with Bill. “Yeah, I’ll call you and we can figure something out.”

“S-sounds good. Bye S-Stan.”

As Bill started to walk away, Stanley remembered one last thing. “Bill, wait!”

He stopped in his tracks. ”What’s wrong?”

“Can you please not-” he felt awful for asking this of him. “-tell the rest of The Losers yet. About tonight. I’m sorry, I’m just really not ready for them to know.”

Bill smiled, like he was relieved. “Y-yeah, of c-course.”

“Thank Bill.”

“”N-no problem. And with that Bill was walking again.

Chapter 16: Friday, February 20th, 1994, 5:16pm

Chapter Text

Stanley Uris had been dating Bill for almost two months, and he, finally, felt normal. It was the strangest feeling, because he was also constantly reminded that he wasn’t. Every time he dropped Bill’s hand, or told his friends he really wasn’t interested in any of the girls at school, or told his parents that he had been next door at Richie’s house, or Henry called him a faggot, he knew it was because there was something wrong with him that nobody could ever know.

Except for Bill. Bill made every bad feeling go away. The feelings that Stanley thought had been strong before were nothing compared to how he felt now. He knew that this was what love really was, even if he hadn’t said it out loud yet.

These were the only thoughts running through his head as Bill sat next to him, working on a presentation for their English class. Stanley had already finished his, and offered to help Bill. 

“I f-f-fucking hate Mrs. S-scott,” Bill complained, setting his cue cards down on the couch next to him. “If anyone w-wanted to know w-what this dumb book was a-about they should r-read it themselves.”

“I thought you said you liked the book,” Stanley smiled.

“I did, but I-I don’t like g-getting up in f-front of the c-class and embarrassing m-myself.” Bill gave him a small smile back, but Stanley knew that he was genuinely dreading this, just like he did every other time.

“Do you wanna practice? I’ll stay here, you can stand up front and read me your cue cards?” 

“I-I don’t know S-stan.” Bill had always had his stutter, and even if he tried to hide it, he had always been insecure about it. Stanley didn’t want to embarrass him, but he knew that Bill messing up now would be better than tomorrow.

“Com’on, it’s just me. You don’t have to, but I think it’ll help.”

Slowly, Bill stood up and grabbed the cue cards. “F-fine.” He walked to the front of the living room. “Th-this is my s-summary and a-analysis on H-h-how to Kill a Mocking B-bird, by H-harper Lee.” He was reading quickly, and his head was down, reading directly off the cards, so Stanley couldn’t see his eyes. “Th-this n-novel deals with th-th-th-th-fuck!” He threw his head back in frustration. 

“Bill, it’s okay. You’re just talking to me. Like you always do.” He stood up off of the couch. “You know I don’t care if you stutter.” He walked towards Bill. “I kinda like it.” This wasn’t just something he told him to make him feel better. He really did. It was comforting, and reassuring, and familiar, and Bill. He grabbed Bill’s hands. “I really do.” He looked at Bill’s sad smile and his beautiful eyes. If someone had told him three months ago he had done what he was about to do, he would have laughed in their faces. Stanley kissed Bill. For the first time, he kissed Bill. It was quick, less than a second before he pulled back again, his face hot.

“Holy shit,” Bill whispered. In Stanley’s dead quiet house, his whisper sounded like a scream.

Stanley stepped back and looked to the ground. “Sorry- I-was-uhh-did you like- I’m-umm-I’m sorry.” As he stumbled over his words, he didn’t notice Bill stepping closer to him again.

“S-stan? Don’t be s-sorry.” And with that, Bill kissed him. A little slower this time. Stanley let himself melt into Bill. It was like they fit together perfectly, like it was meant to be.  “I-I did like it.” 

The door opening made both boys take a step back. 

Stanley’s father walked in. He looked Bill up and down before turning to Stanley. “You know we don’t like it when you have people over Stanley.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” He couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief that his father hadn’t walked in 30 seconds earlier.

“I-it was my f-fault Mr. U-uris. I-I needed S-stan’s help w-with a project f-for school, so I j-just came over q-quick. I-I’ll go now.” 

Stanley didn’t want Bill to leave. He wanted to run up to him and kiss him again, and never let go. Instead he just stood there and watched as Bill closed the door behind him.

Chapter 17: Saturday, March 9th, 1994, 11:47pm

Chapter Text

Stanley Uris sat on Ben’s bedroom floor. It had been a while since all seven of the Losers had hung out together. 

“Stan, truth or dare,” Beverly asked. 

“Dare.” He hadn’t picked truth once this game. He wasn’t about to risk accidentally telling his friends that he was gay, or that Bill and him had been dating for several months, in a stupid game.

Richie grinned. “Really got something you wanna hide from us, don’t ya Stanney. This is your fourth dare so far.” Then in a dramatic whisper “I wonder what he’s hiding!”

“Beep beep Richie.” Eddie smacked his arm.

“I dare you to…” She paused for a second to think, before smiling. “Let Richie write something on your forehead with permanent marker-”

“Fuck yeah! Good one Bev!”

“-And you can’t even try to wash it off until you get home.”

Richie was already rummaging around on Ben’s desk for a sharpie. After a few seconds he found one, and came running back over.

He sat down in front of Stanley and uncapped the marker and brought it to his forehead. “Okay stay still,” he said, bringing it up to his face.

After finishing Richie took a step back and nodded, as if he were an artist admiring his painting.

“Classy, Rich,” Mike snorted.

“Does it say ‘dick’,” Stanley asked. He knew the answer before he even asked the question.

“Yeah except it’s in capital letters,” Richie replied. “So it’s more like ‘DICK!’”

“I’m so happy my parents aren’t home,” Ben mumbled, and Beverly patted her boyfriend’s leg.

Around three hours later everyone was asleep. Except for Stanley and Bill. They had made their way downstairs, and were sitting on Ben’s couch. 

“I-I can’t take you s-seriously with ‘d-dick’ written on your f-face,” Bill laughed.

“Don’t look at my fucking forehead then Bill,” Stanley glared, before smiling and pressing his lips against Bill’s.

Bill’s laughter broke the kiss. “I’m s-sorry!”

Stanley nudged him affectionately, and rested his head on his shoulder. “What do you think they’d say if they knew?”

Bill looked up at the stairs, leading to where the rest of the Losers lay sleeping. “I r-really don’t th-think they’d care. I-I mean they’re our f-f-friends, right? Th-that isn’t gonna s-stop because we’re-” in love “t-together.”

“I hope not.”

“”B-but they don’t n-need to know anyth-thing until we w-want them to.”

“Thanks,” he kissed Bill again. “Maybe we should head upstairs. I don’t want to fall asleep down here.”

“S-sure.”