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Chapter Text

Shinichi didn't expect Kaito to be standing on his doorstep at 10 p.m.

He was almost convinced that he had finally started hallucinating. After almost four years of dreaming about meeting him again, here he was on his doorstep, smiling at him with his usual smirk.

It didn't take long to prove that that was not, in fact, a hallucination, as he had thought.

"Mama? Who tis?" Hikari, his sweet little boy, said, hiding behind Shinichi's leg, and looking at Kaito.

"Hikari, what did I say about sneaking up like this?" Shinichi scolded with a carefully blank face. So aware of Kaito looking at them with masked confusion.

It's funny how even after four years, he could still tell that he was putting up his poker face, even without looking at him himself.

"Mama said Hikari shou'dn'. But Mama looks sad; Hikari not like it."

"Doesn't. You mean Hikari doesn't like it." Shinichi corrected the child after kneeling to pick him up with a gentle smile.

"Ye, Hikari dodnt (doesn't) like it." The child said, with a big smile, trying to pronounce the words like his mama did.

He failed, of course, but that didn't stop Shinichi from smiling at him like he's the most precious thing in his world, and that's probably because he is.

"Shinichi..." Kaito whispered. It made Shinichi flinch, but other than that, his face didn't change.

Shinichi looked at Kaito for a little while, waiting for him to say more than his name. But that didn't happen. "What are you doing here?"

He wasn't one to ignore his child's question, but he didn't know how to tell Hikari that this was his father on their doorstep. Didn't know how to say that that's the person who left him with no clear explanation. With no way to contact him. With no words whatsoever for him to deduce why Kaito even left.

Kaito looked between them again for a little before speaking again, "He looks a lot like you, he calls you mama?"

Hikari looked at both of them before putting his finger in his mouth; it's a bad habit for when he's scared, nervous, or annoyed. Shinichi is going to have to work on stopping that. "Why are you here, Kuroba?"

"I ... Wanted to talk. How old is he?"

" 'm two yeas old" Hikari said, raising three fingers while his other hand occupied his mouth. Shinichi chose not to correct him this time. Clearly, he didn't like to be cast aside and ignored.

Kaito's face twitched for a mere second before his poker face took over again. "Oh, you're a big boy!" He smiled at the child and produced a flower out of nowhere for the child to take.

The child took the flower with an excited smile and said, "Mama! He do magic just like Papa!"

Kaito looked at Shinichi with a blank face and said, "Papa? I didn't know you had it in you to leave the child's mother to be with someone else, and a magician of all, I guess you have a type, Shinichi."

Shinichi sighed at how wrong he was. He wasn't going to correct him though, so he looked aside and whispered, "You should leave Kuroba."

He attempted to close the door, only to be stopped by Kaito's hand. " Shinichi , can we talk, please?"

Please ... Kaito never says please, unless he's desperate. He didn't look desperate, but Shinichi doesn't know what to expect after almost four whole years.

"It's Hikari's bedtime; you could've came in at a more reasonable time, like normal people. And I don't see a reason why we should talk; there's nothing to talk about anymore. Now if you'll excuse me." Shinichi closed the door quickly— too quickly for the child's liking. But that didn't matter right now.

If he had stayed longer in front of him like that, he might've cracked. And frankly, he's not prepared yet to talk with Kaito about anything. Not about how he left him, not about how he cut off contacts... fully, not about his child (that he probably didn't know about til now), not about how he came back again after Shinichi finally moved on (except that he didn't really move on).

Shinichi made sure to lock the door, still holding Hikari in his arms and going to his room.

He knows it's coming; he's just not going to ask for it until his boy is ready to ask.

And ask he did, "Mama, was Hikari bad?" Except, that was not what he expected him to ask.

Hikari was a curious boy, asking about everything he wanted to know without thinking twice.

And that was normal; Shinichi had expected him to be like this. He's Shinichi's son, after all.

But he also surprised him in ways only Kaito has ever done in the past, with questions he did not think would be asked. Guess he's Kaito's son too.

"Why would you think that, Hikari?"

"'Cuz Mama look sad, an' Mama din't answer Hikari's ques-tion before." Hikari said in a small voice. Still having his thumb in his mouth while speaking.

"Hmmm, no. Hikari wasn't bad; Mama was just a little surprised." He took Hikari's finger out of his mouth, "And mama still needs a little bit more time to think about how to answer Hikari's questions." He tapped Hikari's nose, and that made the child giggle. "You know Hikari is so smart; Mama needs to think before answering so Hikari understands well." He didn't know what to say; he said what he thought might calm his little boy.

"So mama not mad?" The child asked while Shinichi put him down on his bed to go get his pajamas.

"No. Not at you, my little Hikari." He said, putting the pajamas on the bed and hugging his son.

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If you asked Shinichi four years ago if he'd want children in the future, he'd have scoffed at the idea, saying, "I'm in love with a man, and I'd be a terrible father. But if Kaito wants, I think I'd be okay with adopting."

Now, though, he doesn't know what to say. He has Hikari, and he's a great father (or mother, if we take Haibara's words for it), even if he doesn't want to acknowledge that he is.

He cooks, cleans, and takes the best care of Hikari. He asks when he doesn't know what to do, and he raises Hikari with the best care he can give. And if you ask any of his friends, they'll say that he's doing a great job for a single father.

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Kaito, sneaky as he always has been, sneaks into the house, determined to talk with Shinichi.

He didn't expect to see him hugging his son like his life depends on it and singing to him a song he's familiar with. 'My Love Is Mine All Mine'. He remembers Shinichi saying that it reminded him of Kaito.

He had to admit that it was a shock to know that Shinichi could actually sing. From what he heard back when they were together, he was a terrible singer, and everyone agreed on that.

What he didn't know is that Shinichi was purposely singing badly as a habit from when he was young. His mother had been trying her hardest to teach him to sing to push him to take after her. So he sang badly, the worst he could, to force her to give up.

Chapter Text

Kaito stayed hidden, watching Shinichi hold his son for more than 20 minutes. He didn't want to spook Shinichi so Hikari wouldn't wake up. But Shinichi didn't seem like he was moving from there anytime soon.

"Are you going to keep staring at us like a creep, or are you going to speak?" Shinichi half-whispered. He wasn't planning on talking; that would have given Kaito the chance to talk. And he didn't feel like talking to him. But he was quite tired of feeling him staring at them.

"You knew I was here. Why didn't you say anything?" Kaito said, using the same tone Shinichi used. If Hikari woke up now, it would be the end of the conversation.

Shinichi got up from Hikari's bed slowly, pulling up the covers and kissing his forehead before standing up completely to get out of the room.

He looked at Kaito as if telling him to follow him, and to the living room they went.

"What do you want?" Shinichi said, now sounding as cold as ice.

"I already told you, I want to talk," Kaito said, as if this explained everything.

"Talk then, you have 15 minutes before Hikari wakes up again to look for me," Shinichi said, lying; Hikari was already used to sleeping by himself by now. But Kaito didn't need to know that. Shinichi wanted this to be over as quickly as possible. "I'm all ears."

If Kaito could tell that Shinichi was lying, he didn't say anything about it. He stared at Shinichi for a minute before speaking. "How old is he, actually?"

"I don't see how that concerns you," Shinichi answered quickly, too quickly.

Kaito fell silent again, looking at Shinichi for any signs of cracking. "Is his mother alive?"

"Are you here to investigate my life? Do I have to remind you that I'm the detective here? I don't have to answer anything." Shinichi scoffed at him, laughing with no real humor in his tone.

Call him stubborn all you want, but now he was sure he didn't want to talk to Kaito about Hikari at all.

It was Kaito's fault. He left him at a really sensitive time; not only that, he left him alone with no explanation. It only felt fair that Shinichi was acting like this.

"Okay, I get it. I didn't come here for that. I wanted to apologize and see if we could try again. I just wanted to make sure you're not... dating anyone else first," Kaito admitted, embarrassed that he had to say it out loud.

And if Shinichi wasn't angry before, he sure was now. "Try again? What is this? A game to you? You think you can just leave and come back whenever you want with no consequences? Grow up, Kaito—dating or not, I don't want you as a part of my life. Now get out." He refused to let his tears fall. He wiped his face with his hands, making sure no tears were visible, even though he hadn't actually cried.

If Kaito hadn't been prepared for this, he would have been surprised to see Shinichi lash out at him like that. That didn't mean that he was planning on giving up.

"Mama? Are you cwying?" Hikari came to the living room, frowning. "Mama, Mama." He started crying before he ran to Shinichi, holding his hands up, wanting Shinichi to pick him up.

"No, sweetheart, I'm not crying." Shinichi held Hikari up, hugging him close before glaring at Kaito. "You know your way out. Close the window after you leave; I don't need someone getting in because you left it open."

Shinichi stood up after Kaito left, taking Hikari back to his room. "Bad mama."

"What?" Surprised, Shinichi stopped in his tracks to look at his son properly. "Why are you saying that, Hikari?"

"Mama lied, Hikari knows. Mama was gonna cwy." Hikari whispered, putting his thumb in his mouth, trying to stop his cries.

Shinichi looked at his son sadly, not knowing what to say to him. He didn't cry; he was sure not to in front of Kaito. But lying to his son's senses wasn't something Shinichi was planning to do. "Sorry, sweetie, Mama wasn't crying. I wanted to cry, but crying and wanting to cry are two different things."

Shinichi held up his hand to pat Hikari's hair slowly, to calm him down.

"Why did you wake up? Were we too loud?" Shinichi asked, worried that he had woken his son up unintentionally. But Hikari's room was too far from the living room, and they didn't scream, no matter how much he wanted to.

"No," Hikari shook his head. "Hikari knew someone was there, so— so when Hikari woke and Mama wasn' there, Hikari thought Mama got hurt by the stwanger. Was he a bad man, Mama?" Hikari asked innocently, looking at Shinichi with so much seriousness, it was cute.

Shinichi sat Hikari on the bed, sitting beside him. "How about we talk about this tomorrow morning? It's getting late, and I promise to answer all your questions tomorrow after kindergarten."

Chapter Text

Shinichi should have known; promising Hikari answers to his questions was a bad idea. But then again, Hikari was a smart boy. He would know if Shinichi tried to lie to him or withhold information from him. And that would make him upset.

So the moment Shinichi held Hikari's hands on their way home from kindergarten, "Mama, is it time for answe's?"

He looked excited, the same way he was when he helped Shinichi with a case he was working on—a missing person's case, and the person missing wasn't really missing for more than four hours. But nevertheless, Hikari was excited to help.

Shinichi looked at Hikari, not knowing what to say. He smiled at him and held him up, hugging him close before letting him down again.

"Not yet, sweetie. When we're home, okay?" Shinichi told him in a soft voice.

Telling Hikari the truth was not something he wanted to do, but lying to Hikari was out of the question. The little boy would feel betrayed if Shinichi did that, and Shinichi never wanted Hikari to grow up feeling like he would be lied to if he found out about this lie. And, Shinichi was really bad at lying.

The moment they entered the house, it was obvious that Hikari was waiting for Shinichi to talk to him.

He removed his shoes, placing them in their designated spot and putting on his slippers. Hikari's eyes looked really cute when he gazed at him like that, acting all innocent so that Shinichi wouldn't take his words back and would follow through with his promise.

He waited for Shinichi to remove his shoes as well, then took his hand and dragged him to the library.

"Mama qwomised, can Hikari ask now?" Hikari asked, losing patience.

Shinichi sighed and pulled up a chair to sit down with Hikari on his lap. "Okay, what do you want to know? I promised I'll answer, but if it's not safe for you to know-"

"Mama won't tell me, Hikari know. It's jus' like the cases!" Hikari interrupted him.

It's not every day that he gets to sit with his dad and ask him everything his brain can think of, but he still understands the rules: Mama won't answer if it's dangerous for Hikari to know.

That usually referred to the murder cases Shinichi worked on. Hikari is a curious boy, but Shinichi would do everything to keep him safe from that world. And if he could take advantage of that to hide some information about who Kaito is from his son, he would take it.

Shinichi sighed again, "Okay, what do you want to know?"

"Who was he? The man fwom yest'day?"

"His name is Kuroba Kaito." Shinichi held a blank face for two seconds before breaking out into a smile at his son, treating this as an investigation would make Hikari have fun, and Hikari having fun was something Shinichi adored with all his heart.

"Is he a baddie?" Hikari asked with a serious face— or, as serious as the kid could make it, which was not a lot.

"No, he just came to talk. He didn't mean to hurt Mommy, Hikari." Why was he defending Kaito? Shinichi didn't know, but it would be a bad idea if Kaito came back only for Hikari to give him the frowny face, even if it was very cute in Shinichi's opinion, it was never a good sign when Hikari frowned at someone.

"How does Mama know him?" Hikari tilted his head to the side.

This was becoming so much like an investigation. Shinichi should stop taking him to so many (non-murder) cases. But if he stopped taking him along, there would be so little time to spend with his son. "Kuroba was Mama's boyfriend. Four years ago."

Hikari fell silent for a moment, then smiled at Shinichi. "Hikari is almost four, Mama." Hikari held up four fingers showing Shinichi, oblivious to what that has implied.

"That is correct," Shinichi answered, looking at him carefully. "Kuroba came back to try and be Mama's boyfriend again."

He frowned as soon as Shinichi started talking, not knowing what that implied but not really liking it. "Is he gonna be Mama's boyfwiend? Is'tis why mama was upset yest'day?"

Shinichi hated this conversation with all his heart, but he didn't have the strength to tell his son that. He had promised him answers, and that's exactly what he would give, even if they weren't clear answers. "Yes, Kuroba did something really mean, and I'm a little upset, but it's nothing you need to worry about, Hika. So until the argument between me and Kuroba is resolved, I don't know."

Hikari fell silent for a little while before asking again. "Why? Will he become Hikari's papa if he's Mama's boyfwiend?" Hikari's voice was so low that Shinichi almost didn't hear him. Almost.

And wasn't that the straw that broke the camel's back?

Shinichi looked at him, holding back tears. He didn't even know why he was about to cry now, but Hikari sounded so sad. And that in itself made Shinichi want to cry.

He knew his boy, and even if he never complained, Shinichi could tell that Hikari wished he had a stable family; he once told Shinichi that he was jealous of his classmates for having both their parents pick them up from kindergarten.

But he decided not to tell him that Kuroba was already his father. Instead, he smiled at Hikari and hugged him tightly to his chest.

"I don't know. I don't even know if he will come back again." Shinichi hugged Hikari closer. "But if he does, and if you want me to, I will try to fix it. Only if Hikari is sure he likes Kaito-niisan, okay?"

The moment Kuroba turned into Kaito-niisan in Hikari's head, a smile drew across his face. "Otay!"

Chapter Text

Jii didn't know what to do now. He had warned Kaito before he came back that things weren't as they used to be. Kaito had only shrugged him off, saying that he was prepared for anything when it came to Shinichi.

Clearly, he was not, in fact, prepared.

"I just don't understand. Just who is that kid anyway?" Kaito said, sounding annoyed by it. "Do you know about him, Jii?"

He did, but he had made a promise not to tell him about it, so he didn't.

When Kaito left, Jii saw Shinichi almost every day, looking for Kaito around the bar, around Kaito's house, even around some places Kaito used to work at.

He came around to look for him and almost begged Jii to tell him where he was, saying that he had something important to tell him. But Jii didn't know where Kaito was at the time, so he could never answer the poor man.

After a year or so, Jii saw Shinichi in the most unpredictable place or time, with a little baby in his arms.

Jii was shocked, understandably. It had only been a year since Kaito left, but the baby looked to be around 6 months old. And when Shinichi noticed him looking, all he could say was, "Is this the important thing you needed to tell young master about?"

Shinichi looked at him with sad and tired eyes. He looked like he could use some sleep. "Yeah." Shinichi looked at the baby in his hands with a small smile on his face. "His name is Hikari, and he looks a lot like his father... Kaito. Don't you think he looks cute?"

If he hadn't known better, he would have been surprised to the point of not believing it. He still needed to talk to Agasa about this, to make sure it wasn't a lie.

"Can you— Don't tell Kaito about this. I don't want him coming back from whatever it was for this. He might blame me for it if he did."

And even if Kaito wouldn't, he still decided to respect Shinichi's wish and keep it a secret.

"Yes, young master. I warned you about this. You chose not to listen," Jii simply said. Lying to Kaito wouldn't be wise, but he did—in his defense—warn Kaito about coming back.

"Well, you didn't say he had a kid! Does that mean that he found some woman right after I left? Where is she?" Kaito looked angry.

"Remember your poker face, young master," Jii said, whipping another wet glass and putting it back in its place on the bar. "I think it's better if you talk with Kudou about this."

"Come on! He's not saying anything!" Kaito shouted, not liking how everyone was holding back information from him.

But even when he tried to break into Hikari's information in the police department, he could only see a father's name listed.

Shinichi sure did pull some strings to do that.

But Kaito was determined to find out who the mother was, whom Shinichi chose to have a baby with right after they broke up, or maybe even before they did.

Not that they had a proper breakup. But he still had the right to be annoyed and angry about it. Right?

No matter what the answer was, Kaito didn't care; he loved Shinichi and he was still going to try to get their relationship back.

So Kaito was not going to stop trying just because some kid was in Shinichi's life; he could look past that—the kid did look cute, after all.

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Shinichi was expecting Kaito to come back, sure he didn't expect him back that soon. But when has Kaito ever done something as Shinichi expected him to?

It was Shinichi's day off. He was planning on going to the park with Hikari before grabbing some groceries to make curry for when they get home.

"Mama, I'm weady!!" Hikari jumped after he tied his shoes, feeling proud of himself for doing it alone —aside from the fact that it looked like they were going to get untied if he jumped more— "look! Mama, I tied my shoe!"

Shinichi was used to Hikari trying to make him proud. He was always proud of him, no matter what Hikari was doing. He never had it in him to get upset or disappointed in Hikari. "That's amazing, Hikari, but I think they need a little touch-up. Would you mind if I fix them so you won't fall if something happens?"

"I's okay, Mama. Hikari likes when Mama fixes Hikari's stuff." And if cuteness could kill, Shinichi would have been dead a long time ago.

Shinichi was about to get on his knees to fix Hikari's shoes when the doorbell rang.

"No! Mama isn't working today!" Hikari jumped up before Shinichi could even see who it was. He jumped twice before reaching the door handle.

"Hikari, be careful!" Shinichi said before picking up Hikari and opening the door fully to prevent Hikari from hurting himself trying to open the door.

Shinichi had been expecting Kaito to come back. He really had, but he didn't think Kaito would come at this time.

"Did I interrupt something?" Kaito asked, too innocently, he actually looked guilty to Shinichi.

"Kuroba-"

"Mama and I gonna go to t'e pa'k!" Hikari cut him off again, feeling as if anyone would steal his Mama if he didn't make it clear to everyone that it was his time with Shinichi now.

Shinichi smiled at him before whispering, as if he could read Hikari's thoughts, "No one is going to steal me, don't worry, Hikari."

"But Heiji-niichan said he woudn' steal you last time, an' he did!" Hikari whined before hugging Shinichi's neck.

That was when Kaito decided to cut in. "Don't worry, Hikari, I'm not stealing anyone." He smiled at the child before magically handing two flowers out of nowhere to each of them—with the blue flower belonging in Shinichi's hand. "Are you going to the park? Can I come along?"

"What?" This time, it was Shinichi's turn to cut him off.

"Can I come along?" Kaito repeated, as if Shinichi didn't hear him the first time.

Hikari laughed, wiggling in Shinichi's hand to be put down. "There's rules for goin' to the pa'k, Kaito-niisan."

Kaito's eyes widened slightly before returning to normal at the name Hikari called him by. "Rules? What rules?" Kaito knelt beside him and started to fix Hikari's shoelaces.

"Mama, can Kaito-niisan come with us? I can teach him all about our rules!" Hikari looked up at Shinichi, waiting for him to give permission.

When Shinichi gave birth to Hikari, he had wanted Kaito to be around so badly. He had wanted them to take care of Hikari together, to teach him things, and to be there for them Hikari.

So now, with Kaito kneeling to tie Hikari's shoes, it hurt. He didn't know why, but something in him had longed for a moment like this for so long that now that it was happening, it just hurt.

"Hikari, Kaito-niisan might be busy. We can't just take him with us to the park like that." Shinichi controlled his face very carefully before he picked Hikari up again, after Kaito finished fixing Hikari's shoelaces.

"But Mama! Kaito-niisan asked to come with us! Tis mean he can!" Hikari frowned at Shinichi, giving him the puppy eyes.

Kaito looked between them for a moment before speaking carefully. "I'm not busy, but if you don't want me around for this, it's okay. It's your free time with your son. I can visit another time."

Kaito didn't want to give up that easily, but maybe it's better to give them time to bond. He knows how busy Shinichi can get, and judging by Hikari's reaction when he first knocked here, it appeared that it's been a while since they spent time with each other—

"No! It'll be fun! Mama! More people to play means mo'e fun! Mama!" Hikari whined, raising his voice. He was getting upset and trying not to cry. These were signs Shinichi knew too well. But he decided not to talk about it with Hikari now; he didn't want to embarrass him like that.

Shinichi sighed and put Hikari on the ground again. "Okay, he can come. But the rules still apply. No breaking the rules even if Kaito-niisan is around, understood?" Shinichi asked.

Before Shinichi could even finish the question, Hikari was smiling widely and nodding as he took Kaito's hand in one hand and Shinichi's with the other to drag them to the park already.

Chapter Text

By the time they got there, Shinichi was regretting allowing any of this to happen.

"And you can't call mama 'Mama. He's dad til we go back! And— And if anyone gives you candy, you say 'no' cuz, it might be posi'n." Hikari kept rambling about the 'rules' to Kaito.

Shinichi glanced at Kaito from the corner of his eyes, finding Kaito looking at Hikari with a soft smile on his face. It didn't look like a fake smile, but Shinichi doubted how much he knew Kaito. There was no way he was still the same as he was before he left; otherwise, he wouldn't have left in the first place.

They entered the park only for Hikari to grab Kaito's hand and drag him towards the swings. "Hikari can swing so fast! Wanna see, Kaito-niisan?"

"Of course. Do you want me to push you on the swing?" Kaito asked, following Hikari.

There weren't many people in the park at this time of day. So Shinichi just let them go ahead, following them slowly to keep an eye on Hikari, just in case. Or, that was the plan before his phone started ringing.

"Kudou speaking." Shinichi answered without checking the caller ID.

"Shinichi! I've been messaging you for three days now! Do I really have to call you every time to check on you?" Came the voice from the other end of the line.

If you asked Shinichi, he'd just say he was busy so he didn't 'notice' the messages. And you might almost believe him, if he wasn't such a bad liar. "Ran—"

"Okay, yes you're busy. But that doesn't mean you can ignore me; I worry, you know." Ran said with a whine.

"Sorry, it's been ... Tough." Shinichi whispered the last word looking at Kaito.

Ran stayed silent for a little before speaking again, "I heard he's back. I take it you saw him?"

Shinichi glanced at Hikari, only to force himself not to keep staring at Kaito, "Yeah ... I'll tell you all about it when I'm back. Right now I'm with- I'm at the park." Shinichi said, stopping himself from telling her that he's with Kaito now.

It'll only make it harder to hang up on her, and this is his time with Hikari—even if there's a certain magician involved.

He doesn't need to wait for her reply before hanging up on her, walking towards the two of them while putting his phone back in his pocket.

"M-Daddy, look! I swing so high!!" Hikari shouted while swinging with Kaito pushing him while smiling at how excited Hikari is.

Kaito has always been good with kids; it made Shinichi wonder how he'd have been if he had stayed.

Shaking his head slightly, Shinichi got closer to stop Kaito from pushing him higher. "Be careful, Hikari. If you don't hold on tightly, you might fall."

"Don't worry; I made sure he's buckled in tightly, so he wouldn't fall," Kaito chimed in, smiling brightly at Shinichi.

Shinichi looked at him, then looked at Hikari again. "Come on, Hikari, let's go. You've swung enough for now. Unless you don't want to feed the little kitties in the park. Maybe the mama cat won't hiss at you this time if you pet her kitties?" Shinichi asked, smiling at Hikari.

He knows how much Hikari wants to have a cat, or any pet, really, at the house. But it's a big responsibility, and Shinichi doesn't really know how to take care of animals.

So he promised Hikari that when he's older, they'll get a pet. And until then, he'll take him every Friday to the park with the friendly wild animals there.

Chapter Text

Clean clothes, check .
Brushed teeth, check .
Hikari tucked into bed, check .

All Shinichi had left to do was to do as he promised and call Ran back. But did he really want to do it?

The way home from the park was uneventful. Hikari was always fast asleep after their outings, so that wasn't a problem either. Kai- Kuroba left as soon as they reached the Kudou manor too, so he couldn't really complain—even if he wouldn't really complain if he stayed, but Shinichi wasn't going to admit that yet—so all that was left to do was really just talk to Ran.

He learned long ago that she was a good—no, great—friend, and he knew she would help him with this. She was one of the only people that stayed by him after all that he had done, even after telling her about Conan . She was mad at first, but she didn't have the heart to stay mad.

And when he asked, all she said was, "You're like my little brother. I can't really stay mad at you because you're really important to me. I'd be more upset if something happened to you and I wasn't there to help you with it."

And help him she did.

Shinichi remembers the first few weeks after Kaito left. Ran tried everything to find Kaito for him. She called Aoko and asked her to ask Hakuba if he knew anything.

Even after that, when Hikari was born...

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"Shhh, shhhh," Shinichi shushed the little infant in his arms, trying to stop him from crying.

He tried everything he could think of: feeding him, changing the diaper, and even holding him and walking around the house. Nothing worked.

Hikari was still crying, and Shinichi was starting to get really worried.

His phone rang, and somehow he missed it the first few times; Hikari was so loud. The vibration from the table he was leaning on was the only hint that someone was calling him.

He picked up the phone with one hand, planning to hang up on whoever it was. He was too tired for this.

Ran's name was the only thing that stopped him from hanging up.

And as soon as he picked up, he felt like he was on the verge of breaking down. "Ran... He's crying, he keeps crying. I tried everything you taught me. What am I supposed to do?" He asked, raising his voice a little so she would be able to hear him over the crying infant in his arms.

Ran on the other side of the phone fell silent for a little while before suggesting the stupidest thing he could think of, "Have you tried singing to him? Maybe he's stressed because you're stressed that he's crying. Children get affected by their mothers' moods. If you keep being stressed around him, it won't do him any good, Shinichi."

"I- I'll give it a try." He whispered before hanging up. He'll call her back after Hikari sleeps again... Or after he takes a nap himself.

He held Hikari closer to his chest, breathing calmly before starting to sing softly to him.

At first, it wasn't working, and just before Shinichi was debating whether he should continue or just stop, Hikari started to calm down, reaching out with his little hands to hold Shinichi's shirt.

It worked! Hikari was actually calm for the first time since he woke up. God, he should thank Ran for this.

After Hikari fell asleep in his arms, Shinichi, still singing, lay down on his bed. Not long after, both of them were fast asleep.

After that night, Shinichi always walked silently in the house when Hikari was asleep; God forbid he wake up and start crying like that night ever again.

But no matter how much he claimed to hate that night, he was still grateful. And if Ran caught him humming to Hikari to sleep once or twice, she would never tell.

Chapter Text

It's been almost two weeks since their outing to the park. Shinichi realized he'd been getting used to Kaito being around them (Hikari and him), but that didn't really bother him.

Ran told him to give it a chance, and if Kaito did anything to hurt him or Hikari... he only needed to tell Ran, and she'd handle it for him.
Not that he'd actually let her do anything; he's capable of handling this alone.

Hikari, as sweet as ever, seemed to have the best time of his life with Kaito around, so what could Shinichi do other than let Kaito back in again?

For the sake of his child's happiness... nothing to do with Shinichi himself, of course.

And for the past few days, he's been letting Kaito and Hikari hang out alone without having to keep an eye on them the whole time. Kaito has proven that he knows how to handle children, so he's trying to trust him with this one.

If only it stayed like that a little longer, until Shinichi is ready to talk to Kaito about Hikari.

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"Mama! Did Mama lie to Hikari?" Hikari asked, on the verge of crying, getting closer to his mother beside the sink in the kitchen.

Shinichi, who was cleaning the dishes, dried his hands quickly before kneeling to Hikari with a worried look. "What? Why would you think that, sweetie?" Shinichi asked, holding Hikari's face to make sure he wasn't injured.

"Did Hikari not grow up inside Mama?" Hikari asked, looking distressed.

It's not every day that you see Hikari this distressed, but can you really blame a child for being scared?

"Hikari, do you know who your mother is?" Kaito asked, sitting on the floor beside Hikari with the crayons and coloring books beside them.

"Huh? Hikari's mama is Mama." Hikari looked up from his coloring book, looking a little confused.

Kaito chuckled and patted his head slightly. "No, I meant your actual mother, the one who gave birth to you," Kaito explained, hoping the child would understand and give him the information he was looking for.

Kaito didn't really want to know who his mother was. He only wanted to make sure that whoever his mother was, she wouldn't come back asking for trouble.

Shinichi looked happy with the kid; he was actually eating three meals a day to make sure Hikari ate, too. Kaito wanted to make sure it stayed that way.

"Yes, it's Mama," Hikari said, looking at Kaito like he was insane for even asking that.

Kaito chuckled again, slightly louder this time. "Don't be silly, Hikari. Shinichi can't give birth to you; he's a man," Kaito told him with a smile.

"But...but Mama did?" Hikari whispered, seemingly unsure of himself this time. He doesn't really like what Kaito-niisan is asking him.

Kaito's smile vanished, and a disappointed look took over his face. "Oh god, Shinichi, what have you put in this child's mind?" Kaito asked himself in a low voice, not noticing that Hikari had already sprinted to look for his mother.

"Did Hikari not grow up inside Mama?"

Shinichi blinked in surprise. Where was that coming from? "What are you talking about, sweetheart? I showed you the pictures from when you were inside Mama, didn't I?" Shinichi quickly wiped Hikari's tears that started falling.

"Kaito-niisan said Mama can't grow me inside, though," Hikari whispered, wiping his tears with the tip of his sweater.

"What?" Shinichi said, eyes wide with surprise. He was trying so hard not to get angry right now. Hikari had done nothing to deserve Shinichi's anger, so he held himself back to try and understand what was going on before he blew up at Kaito.

"Kaito-niisan said t'at Mama can't give birth to Hikari cuz Mama is a boy." Hikari looked up at Shinichi with red eyes.

Shinichi would never want to see his boy cry like that again, and if that meant kicking Kaito out right then, he would do it without thinking twice. "Wait for me here, sweetie. I have to talk to Kaito-niisan for a little while, and I'll be back to explain everything, okay, Hika?" Shinichi asked, giving him a slight smile before standing up and walking outside the kitchen.

He threw the apron he was wearing to the side of the door before grabbing Kaito by the neck from where he was hiding, listening in, to drag him to the farthest room from the kitchen.

"What the heck is wrong with you?" Shinichi screamed at him, clearly angry.

Kaito quickly raised his hand in a surrendering gesture, "I just said that you're a man and you can't give birth to him; it's not like I lied—" Kaito said defensively, not knowing what he was getting himself into.

"DON'T SAY THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT!" Shinichi screamed louder, not caring if he was too loud. He might regret it later, but for now, he couldn't hold it in anymore.

"What?" Kaito asked, looking at Shinichi as if he had said the sky is green.

"I did give birth to him; I'm the one who was pregnant with him!" Shinichi screamed, his voice lowering with each sentence, but his anger remained undiminished. "I was the one who—I'm his mother; I'm the one who gave birth to him."

Shinichi looked to the ground, unsure whether to brace himself for Kaito's disgust or flee without ever looking at him again.

Before Kaito could speak again, Shinichi fled. He went to the kitchen, picked up Hikari, and quickly ran to the door.

He put Hikari's jacket on, ignoring his own, before putting on their shoes and going outside. He couldn't take it anymore. He would go back later, after calming down.

Chapter Text

The park was completely empty when they arrived. Hikari clung to Shinichi for dear life, having many questions but too scared to ask them this time.

Shinichi looked at him with a slight smile after they sat down on a bench, "Hika, I didn't lie to you; I am your mother. It's just a little more complicated than you think it actually is. That's why Kaito-niisan said what he said."

Hikari looked up at Shinichi, "So Mama didn't lie?" he asked in a low voice.

"I would never," Shinichi whispered, kissing Hikari's forehead.

Hikari wiped away his tears to look at Shinichi, waiting for the explanation Shinichi had promised him, before talking to Kaito-niisan.

"Usually, when babies are made, the person giving birth is either a woman or a trans man," Shinichi said, before Hikari interrupted him.

"Are you a twans man, Mama?" Hikari looked confused; he knew what the word meant, but he didn't know his mama was one.

Shinichi answered with a firm shake of his head. "You remember how we've talked about the time I got really, really sick?" Shinichi asked, holding Hikari closer so he would sit on Shinichi's lap. It was cold outside; he should have made Hikari wear one more layer to ensure he didn't get cold.

Hikari nodded, putting his thumb in his mouth. They talked about it once or twice, but not in great detail; Hikari was too young to understand it completely.

Shinichi smiled at him. “So, when Shiho-niichan gave me a special medicine, it changed how my body worked a little. And then, one day, I found out you were growing inside me. It was the biggest surprise of my life.” Shinichi held his hands up to emphasize how big a surprise it was, with a big smile on his face.

Hikari chuckled and rested his head on Shinichi's chest, hugging his waist with his tiny legs. "But Mama doesn't like suwpwises."

Shinichi looked down at him with a soft smile, hugging him closer to his chest. "You were the only surprise I could never say no to, the best surprise ever, Hika."

Hikari chuckled again before closing his eyes, ready to sleep.

It was quite late; Shinichi hadn't thought about the time before he left the Kudou manor. But he held Hikari close, hoping he would sleep well until he got home.

Maybe not right this moment, though. He checked to make sure Hikari was warm enough before relaxing on the bench, thinking about what he should do next.

It wasn't long before he heard a small cooing beside him. He looked to his side and saw a white dove sitting on top of a jacket—his jacket.

He sighed, a small smile on his face, before holding up the jacket and pulling it around Hikari. It was getting colder outside; he didn't want to risk Hikari getting sick.

"Coo." Why did the dove sound like it was judging him?

He got up, making sure not to wake Hikari, before starting to walk home.

The dove could be a sign that Kaito was no longer there, and he hoped to God he was right this time.

He didn't want to talk to him right now. Not ever, but he knew he would need to at some point.

As soon as he got home, he felt a shiver go through his back; the difference between the outside, and the warmth inside suggested that someone had turned on the heater.

He took off his shoes, not bothering with slippers or Hikari's shoe; he took it off when they got to Hikari's room.
He put the child down on his bed, took Hikari's thumb out of his mouth, and changed his clothes before tucking him in.

It was not surprising how heavy Hikari's sleep sometimes was, considering he took that trait from him.

Looking through the window, he saw the same dove for the second time this night.

So Kaito was still around...

Chapter Text

Kaito has never felt as lost as he did today. Shinichi always seemed good at making him feel stupid, and while he didn't mind it at first, it certainly made him hate himself now.

He is currently hiding on the roof of the Kudou mansion. He knows there's no use in waiting up there, but Shinichi needed space; otherwise, he wouldn't leave his own house to get away from Kaito.

He noted to himself to take things slower when it came to Shinichi; every time he tries to rush things, it ends badly. If only he had learned from his past mistakes.

You can't really blame him, though. He didn't know Hikari would react that way. And most of all, he didn't know it was the truth. I mean, he never told me he could give birth. How could I know?

But it was already too late to say all of that.

Kaito looked up at the moon hiding behind night's clouds. Would it be different if he had stayed?

Just when did all of this start to go south, anyway?

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"Kaito, can you bring me coffee on your way back?" Shinichi's voice chimed in from his phone.

Kaito adjusted his phone between his shoulder and ear, "Can't you get it yourself? I was planning to hang out with Aoko after work."

"Huh? You're not coming over today? I have today off; I thought we could spend it together." Kaito didn't need to see Shinichi to know he was pouting.

But really, what was Shinichi expecting? After canceling their date three times in a row, making a new date in less than half an hour even though Kaito had already told him he had plans today?

Yes, Shinichi is forgetful when it comes to these things. And yes, Kaito still loves him after all these canceled dates, even though Kaito wanted to scream out loud every time Shinichi calls last minute to cancel because of a case, but that doesn't mean Kaito would cancel his plans for him now. He's missed so much with Aoko since he started dating Shinichi. He doesn't want to miss more.

"Shinichi, I told you already," Kaito sighed before continuing, "I told Aoko that I'd be meeting her today to hang out. Maybe afterward I'll come over, but I'm not canceling on Aoko again."

Silence took over the call for a minute; only when Kaito was about to give up did Shinichi talk. "Oh, it's okay, maybe tomorrow then. I don't know if I'll be able to stay home for two days without the police department falling apart, but I'll try. Yeah?" Shinichi attempted a chuckle, but it was obviously forced.

"...Yeah, sure. See you tomorrow." Hanging up immediately so he wouldn't take it back. With how sad Shinichi sounded, Kaito—if he weren't so tired of it—would have brought him the moon if he'd asked for it.

~

"Are you sure you're happy with him, Kaito?" Aoko said. She wasn't really surprised anymore; Kaito complained about Shinichi a lot these days, and this was no different.

Maybe the love had faded between them, at least from Kaito's side apparently. But she couldn't say for sure.

All she could do, though, was give him advice, and as a good friend, she would focus on his happiness.

Kaito fell silent for a moment before changing the subject completely. "I've got news," he said, his voice flat.

Aoko arched an eyebrow. Kaito was changing the subject; she would let him have this. "Good or bad news?"

"Depends," the magician replied with a dry chuckle. He pulled out his phone, opening a specific email—slightly edited so she didn't know the full details—"Two years, maybe three, a working opportunity in Europe. It's everything I've ever wanted since I was a kid."

Aoko picked up the phone, scanning the email quickly. "Wait, this is amazing! Why do you look like someone just ran over one of your doves?"

Kaito leaned back, staring at the ceiling. “Because I’m not sure if I’m taking it for the right reasons anymore.”

“Meaning?”

He sighed heavily. “We fought again, I’ve already told you about it. Same argument, different day. It’s like we’re stuck in this loop, and I can’t… I can’t fix it. Part of me thinks… maybe leaving isn’t just about the job. Maybe we need space.”

“Space?” Aoko repeated, raising her eyebrows.

“Yeah. I mean, he keeps doing that, no matter how much we talk about it, it’s like he doesn’t care. Maybe some time apart—some real time apart—could be what we need to figure things out. Or… to figure out if there’s even anything left to figure out.”

Aoko set his phone down, watching him carefully. “That sounds more like running away than taking space.”

Kaito rubbed his temples, frustration creeping into his voice. “I don’t know what else to do. I’m not saying I want it to end—I just… maybe we’re better off apart for a while. At least this way, it’s for a reason that means something.”

“Are you going to tell him?"

Chapter Text

Kaito had so few regrets in life, but at the top of the list was not talking to Shinichi when he should have.

Now, sitting on the roof of the Kudou mansion, he wasn’t ready to make the same mistake again.

Climbing down to Shinichi’s bedroom window, Kaito waited. He knew Shinichi and Hikari were back; he’d heard Shinichi humming softly as he tucked Hikari into bed. It was only a matter of time before Shinichi returned to his room.

And when he did, Kaito would be there to talk to him. No hesitation, no running away this time, no dilly-dallying; he won't allow himself to make the same mistake twice.

So wait he did.

Shinichi didn’t take long to return, but as soon as he saw Kaito sitting on the windowsill, he regretted not closing it earlier. How could he have known someone would sneak into the second floor of his house? Then again, Kaito always had a way of surprising him.

Shinichi stared at him, trying to decipher what Kaito wanted without asking.

“Great detective, when were you planning to tell me? Were you ever going to?” Kaito asked, his voice soft but cutting. When Shinichi didn’t reply, he pressed on. “How old is he, really? Is he my—”

“Who the hell do you think you are?” Shinichi snapped, cutting him off. “You break into my house, into my bedroom, and demand answers? Why the hell should I tell you anything?” His voice trembled slightly as he avoided the implications of Kaito knowing who Hikari's father is.

“Because you owe it to me,” Kaito whispered, moving closer to Shinichi.

“You owe it to me, too. Do you see me crying about it?” Shinichi shot back, taking a step back, until his back hit the wall. “Leave, Kaito. Now isn’t a good time to talk.”

"I'm not making the same mistake by leaving again. Please, Shinichi, we need to talk."

Please. He's saying it again. Shinichi hated how that word sent a shiver down his spine. Why wasn’t Kaito already running away? Why wasn’t he disgusted?

“How about this,” Kaito offered gently, “a question for a question. Just like old times?”

Shinichi sighed heavily and walked around Kaito to sit on the edge of his bed. “What do you want to know?”

“Is he mine?” Kaito asked, no hesitation in his voice.

"If I said yes, would you leave?" Shinichi asked, hugging one leg to his chest, looking at Kaito without actually facing him.

“No,” Kaito answered firmly, “but if you said no, I'd know you're lying; you were never good at lying, and I think that's why you've always avoided my questions about him." He moved closer but kept enough space to avoid overwhelming Shinichi. “Your turn.”

Shinichi stared at the floor. "Kaito, you weren't my first partner," he said, a sad smile flickering on his face. "And you weren't the last, either. If you’re here out of guilt, don't. I don't need you around to live; I've done it for most of my life. Don’t give me false hope— not when I have him around; I won't put him through this, ever."

Kaito ignored the jealousy at hearing Shinichi had dated others after him. “That doesn’t sound like a question,” he said with a faint smile. “And I’m not here out of guilt. I miss you. I want us back.” He reached out, lightly holding Shinichi’s hand, making sure Shinichi could pull away if he wanted. “Would you... give me a chance to fix this?”

“Do you think you deserve it?” Shinichi asked, his gaze falling to their hands.

“No,” Kaito admitted quietly.

“Then why did you leave?”

"Mainly because I'm an idiot," Kaito said, his voice filled with regret. “Our arguments kept getting worse, and I didn’t know how to fix them. Nothing made sense back then, so I ran. I thought... I thought it would somehow fix things if I left.”

Shinichi fell silent for longer before finally speaking. “I was already pregnant when you left,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “Most of our arguments they were...” He turned his face away, refusing to look Kaito in the eyes just yet.

Taking the silence as a sign to ask, Kaito hesitated. “How did you... how did you get pregnant? Did you know it was possible?”

“It was as much of a surprise to me then as it is to you now,” Shinichi explained, shaking his head. “Haibara said the antidote changed something in me. She didn’t know what exactly—until I found out I was pregnant. I was already about 10 weeks along when she told me.”

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you back then," Kaito whispered sincerely, moving a little closer to shinichi.

“Sorry doesn’t fix a broken cup. An apology isn’t some magical key to get whatever you want, Kaito,” Shinichi murmured, holding back tears and trying to hide his face, he wanted to pull his hand away from Kaito’s, but a part of him feared that if he did, Kaito might disappear entirely.

"No, it doesn’t fix it," Kaito admitted, his voice steady but filled with regret. "But it’s an acknowledgment that I messed up. And I’m willing to do better—for you, for Hikari. Will you let me?"

Kaito’s words hung in the air, filled with quiet desperation. He prayed for a chance, just one, to prove that while he couldn’t erase the past, but he could show Shinichi, here and now, that it had been a mistake he would never repeat.

Shinichi let out a shaky breath, his gaze fixed on their hands. “You don’t get to just walk back into my life and expect everything to go back to the way it was.”

“I know,” Kaito whispered, his voice shaking slightly. “But I’m not asking for everything to go back. I’m asking for a chance to start again.”

Silence took over between them, the weight of unspoken emotions thick in the air. Shinichi’s thumb brushed lightly against Kaito’s hand, a small, involuntary motion. Finally, he looked up, meeting Kaito’s eyes. “One chance, Kaito. And if you mess this up…”

“I won’t,” Kaito interrupted, his smile faint but hopeful. “I promise.”

Shinichi sighed, shaking his head softly as a tiny smile broke through his guarded expression. “You’d better not. For Hikari’s sake, and for mine.”

Kaito’s heart swelled, and though he wanted to pull Shinichi into his arms, he didn’t dare push his luck. Instead, he settled for squeezing Shinichi’s hand, silently vowing to make good on his promise.

But before he could say another word, Shinichi moved. Without warning, he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Kaito, holding him tightly.

Kaito froze, the unexpected warmth of Shinichi’s embrace turned him speechless. For a moment, he wasn’t sure if he should move, afraid that any reaction might break the moment between them.

“Don’t make me regret this,” Shinichi murmured, his voice muffled against Kaito’s shoulder.

Kaito slowly brought his arms up, holding Shinichi just as tightly. “I won’t,” he promised, his voice breaking with emotion.

For the first time in years, Kaito felt hope—a real chance to make things right.

And this time, he wouldn’t let either of them down.