Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

This book is officially complete
04.04.25 - 01.07.25

12 hours of reading, 160,000 words

Playlist

Condemned - Zach Bryan
Shake The Frost - Tyler Childers
Jamie - Zach Bryan
Use Me - Zach Top
Worst Way - Riley Green
Sun To Me - Zach Bryan
Painter - Cody Johnson
So Damn Sweet - 49 Winchester
Smaller Acts - Zach Bryan
Lady May - Tyler Childers
Hardwood Floors - Charles Wesley Godwin
Russel County Line - 49 Winchester
Insane - Ole 60
High Road - Zach Bryan
Anchor - 49 Winchester
Walls - Ole 60
Flower Shops - Ernest
Cover Me Up - Morgan Wallen
Another Leaf - Charles Wesley Godwin

Hello!
This was my first time writing anything
The chapters start off short, but they get much longer as we go
The writing gets much deeper, too, so stick with it!

Trigger Warnings

Addiction issues, DV, SA, violence, family trauma, childhood trauma, death, age gap

Smut, a lot of shameless smut
Maybe some daddy kink vaguely in there

Enjoy :)

Chapter Text

Well, today is the day, the day I thought I was prepared for, but now at this moment, I'm not entirely sure. Two full months on a ranch in the middle of nowhere, Montana, sounded like everything I had ever wanted until now, with the realities of being in the middle of nowhere, Montana, being only a few hours away.

As soon as the plane started taxiing along the runway, I got my list of images I needed to capture for the 500th time in the past week. I have eight weeks to take as many photos as possible to kickstart my career in photography.

Straight out of university, I got the idea to go and live on an active ranch in the USA to try and capture the real life of cowboying and bring what I capture back to England with me. It’s time to put that first-class degree in Photography to use.

Although I had moved away from my hometown as soon as it was possible to leave all of that toxicity behind, I had never actually been away from my family for this long. I had quickly created my own life in Manchester whilst I was at University, I had also created a whole lot of toxicity in my new life there that I have only just managed to escape.

That toxic came in the form of a man named James, significantly older than me, but exactly my type, which had ended with bruises on both my insides and out. I thought of this as soon as I caught myself looking at a man in probably his mid-40s, who at one time I would have enjoyed spending this entire plane ride fantasising about, but I have set myself a new rule for life going forward. Do not fuck a man older than your dad again.

Once the plane was flying smoothly, I dug my Kindle out of my bag to finish my current read, a soppy cowboy romance, which felt fitting for what I was about to get myself into over the next eight weeks of my life. Definitely not a romance, a one-night stand with a handsome cowboy? Maybe, but a relationship is off the cards for, well, at this point, maybe forever after the last one I endured.

“Cabin crew, please prepare for landing”

Abruptly woke me up from what was an accidental quite heavy sleep, I woke up with my trucker hat completely covering my face, quite embarrassing to realise other people had seen me like this for however many hours, but it was time to try and look like I haven’t been travelling for 13 hours in a tin can over the Atlantic.

After another hour of getting through border control and them insisting on searching every camera I had brought with me, all I could think about was getting out of the doors and lighting a cigarette. It is the only addiction I haven’t managed to shake yet, and I'm not quite sure I want to either.

I was stopped in my tracks when I realised that out of the at least 30 men I could see in cowboy hats, one of them was holding a sign which looked like a 6-year-old child had made, scribbling “Mrs Cruft” on the crumpled piece of paper. It had completely slipped my mind that the ranch I was going to had said they would send a car to collect me from the airport.

This cowboy specifically looked like he had the energy of what I can only describe as a golden retriever. He had the happiest grin on his face as I approached the, what I can only guess as early 30s, shaggy brown-haired cowboy.

“Mrs Cruft?” he asked enthusiastically,
“Yes, I am she, though my name is Lainey, Mrs Cruft is my nanna”, I replied jokingly.
“Well, hello, Miss Lainey?” he asked inquisitively.
“That is closer, but please, just Lainey is fine. We don’t use titles quite as much where I'm from,” I laughed.

“They said you were from England, but you don’t sound like you are? Sorry, that was rude, I didn’t mean any offence. Ryan, my name is Ryan, nice to meet you,” he now had a slightly guilty look on his face, which made me laugh again.
“Nice to meet you, Ryan. I would guess what you’re trying to say is I don’t sound like I'm from London, which is correct, I'm not. I don’t mean to sound rude, but is there any chance we could just get outside? I am dying for a cigarette.” I don’t think I can say another word out loud until I can feel the nicotine in my veins.
“Yes, Ma'am, just follow me”, he said with that happy grin back on his face.

I can’t express the bliss I felt chaining the beautiful little Marlboro gold I hold in my fingertips. The smoke filling my lungs feels like heaven on earth at this moment.

“Hey, Marlboros? You’re already basically a cowboy, I think you’re going to fit in perfectly with us,” he nodded happily to himself.
I gave him a big smile right back, “Thank you for saying that, I can’t lie, I am already feeling rather out of place here”, I mutter as I look around at all the smartly dressed cowboys and girls whilst I look at my oversized tracksuit and multi-coloured Crocs I am sporting.

“Don’t think like that”, he laughed “, They don’t know they’re in the proximity of one of the coolest photographers coming out of the UK right now”, he came out with, which surprised me.
“I wouldn’t quite say that, Ryan, but I appreciate the enthusiasm after the hours I've spent travelling here”.
“Hey I mean it, I checked out your Instagram once we managed to get your name out of Mr Dutton, I am impressed and we’ve all washed our best clothes ready for our close-ups,” he said as he did his best male model pose, which honestly wasn’t bad which made it funnier.

“Though speaking of travelling, we have a four-hour drive back to The Yellowstone. If you would like to follow me to your limo”.

Wow. I knew he was joking when he said limo, but the size of this truck, it may as well be.

“This is the biggest car I have ever seen in my entire life”, I stared at it with my mouth slightly ajar.

The giant truck that I do not understand how it fits in one parking space was branded with what I know as the Yellowstone logo from my research into the ranch, and the footer of every email I have received.

“Hop in, Miss Lainey”, Ryan responded, slightly laughing to himself, watching me trying to take in the ridiculous size of this basically souped-up tractor we were jumping into.

Before we had even pulled out of the airport Ryan had asked me at least 35 questions which any other day would have kept me amused and open to taking advantage of him by telling him a mix of truth and stupid little lies just to shock him, but at this moment all I wanted was a bit more sleep.

“Ryan, your questions are great and I will answer every single one of them over my time here, though for now, I'm just going to try and get a bit more shut-eye before we arrive,” I say softly.

A few hours later I am jolted awake, “ Damn sorry just a cattle grid, you will get used to them over your time here” Ryan said apologetically.

“It's cool”, I yawned “This is usually one of my favourite parts of travelling anyway. Driving through and soaking it all in, seeing how other people are living and the scenery around helps ground me a bit.”.
“What do you mean by ‘ground you’?” he asked honestly.
“You know, just anxiety calming, helps bring me back to earth slightly when I feel a bit like an alien” was the best way I could think to describe my feelings.

“Well, your UFO has landed and we are going to make you feel right at home with us”, he replied with complete golden retriever energy.
“Well, most of us will, you will soon find out in the ranching world there are a lot of grumpy old men, Rip definitely, but I have your back, Lainey”, he said and puffed out his chest jokingly.

Rip, huh, what type of name is that, I thought to myself. A nickname given to a scary guy or a name he was given at birth, and has lived up to? I am filled with a mix of anxiety and pure fascination, hoping I can figure out which cowboy he is as soon as I arrive.

From the sounds of what Ryan just said, I shouldn’t have any real difficulty doing so. Growing up, I didn’t have many men around me, and the ones that did come around were far from good ones, so being surrounded by so many men is going to be an experience for me.

From my upbringing, I have developed a dislike for authority, especially men in authority. I had a mix of no fear running my mouth to men, to avoiding them altogether, from a bit of fear. Which Lainey Cruft is going to come out here is going to be a surprise for me, too.

I will be polite and well mannered, and hopefully none of them will piss me off enough to see the bad side of me come out. It had been slightly bubbling inside of me since I escaped the horrors of my last relationship, and I hope I can keep it under wraps for these eight weeks.

I especially hope that none of them are my type as I have been guilty of making it my task to seduce and let some men that were my type hate fuck that anti authority out of me. Please don’t let him be my type.

“Here we are”

Chapter Text

My breath was slightly taken away when we drove under the Yellowstone Dutton Ranch sign. It looked like it had first been displayed a hundred years ago when the ranch first became theirs. I made a mental note to come back to this point one day at sunset, which was going to make a phenomenal photograph to set off the project.

We drove down a small hill, and the full beauty of the ranch became visible. Wood barns painted white and black with huge Y’s were unlike anything I had seen on any farm in England. As we made a right turn, what I can only guess is that the Dutton family’s house became visible.

A luxurious, large wood and stone lodge should have looked out of place next to the barns, but it fit in perfectly. As we drove down the gravel driveway towards the house, my eyes were more focused on the huge mountains that decorated the landscape behind the house.

“This looks like something straight out of a movie,” I thought to myself, well, I thought I did, but Ryan's laugh from the driver's seat made me aware that I had said it out loud.
“It is a real thing of beauty, isn’t it? Don’t think you're going to have any difficulty finding good spots for photos around here,” He smirked.

I was snapped out of my moment of awe when the truck came to a stop in front of the main house.

“It was lovely to meet you, Lainey, you gotta come over to the bunkhouse some nights to get the real cowboy experience!” Ryan beamed.
“Yee fucking haw” was the only thing I could think to say in response which earned me a hearty laugh from Ryan.
“Yee fucking haw indeed Miss Lainey. Now let's get your bags out of the trunk” He ran around to grab my door for me.

‘This is it,’ I thought to myself. Making these next eight weeks count is the only thing I've got to do. As I stepped out of the truck, the front door of the house opened.

“Good evening, Miss Cruft, it seems Ryan has got you back here in one piece. I hope the journey wasn’t too bad?” the older cowboy with a gruff voice asked.
“That is literally the biggest car I have ever seen in my life, I think it would have been impossible to even feel a pothole”, I responded with a laugh.

“Mr Dutton, I presume?” I smiled.
“Yes, ma'am, but call me John. We don't need to be having all the formalities when you're going to be staying with me and my family,” he said with a kind smile.
“Speaking of family, this is my daughter Beth” He looked to his left.

I followed his eyes over to the corner of the front porch, where I spotted a blonde woman with a warm smile and a cigarette hanging from her lips. Amazing, another smoker, exactly what I want to see. This immediately made me warm to the woman.

“Hey Lainey, or should I say howdy?” she followed with a sarcastic smile.“I'm Beth, it's me you’ve been emailing all this time. About time this ranch signed up for something slightly fun.”
“Great to meet you finally, Beth”, I replied, “we’re good to smoke here? I brought a ton of nicotine gum with me just in case”
“You smoke too? Perfect, none of these pussies do anymore. So much for hardy cowboys, am I right?” which earned her a displeased look from the elder Dutton.

“I'm sorry you will have to excuse her mouth, but yes, you are more than welcome to.”
A proper laugh came out of me, “John, I'm English, nobody does profanity like us. No need for an apology on that front. I think we will get on just fine”
“Damn right we will, I'm gonna show you a really good time out here” Beth interjected.

“Okay, Ryan, thank you for getting our guest here in one piece. If you see Rip on your way back, send him over,” requested John.
“Sure will, Sir. Catch you later, Lainey!” Ryan shouted as he started walking back towards the barns.

Just as he walked away, another person walked out of the main doors, looking highly out of place in a suit, smart shoes and perfectly groomed hair. The cold look on his face matched the outfit.

“Jamie Dutton”, he declared whilst putting a hand out for me to shake.
“A handshake? Fucking really Jamie? Sorry, Lainey, he’s a virgin, he doesn’t know how to approach a girl,” Beth exclaimed, which made it hard for me to hide the laugh that was about to escape my mouth.

“Fuck off Beth. See Dad? I told you this was a bad idea,” he spat.
“I am sorry, Lainey, clearly neither of them knows how to behave in front of guests at their ages,” John replied with a stern look shot at both of them.

Well, it seems like my family isn’t the only one with issues. Jamie declaring he thought my being here was a bad idea threw me slightly, the last thing I want to do is actually get under anyone's toes whilst I'm here. In fact, that is the opposite of what I want to do, I would prefer to be more of a fly on the wall. I want to capture the authenticity of Yellowstone and their day-to-day lives.

“On that note, let me show you to your room, Lainey”, John offered with a gentle smile.
“Oh, wait, actually, here is Rip. You two need to be introduced.”

I turned towards the heavy footsteps I could hear coming down the gravel path behind me. Fuck. He is hot.
The brick wall of a man walked towards us. A wall of muscle and thick, black curly hair was just visible from below his dark brown cowboy hat with an aggressive turn-up on the sides. It suited him perfectly. His skin is dark from all the years he’s spent working out in the sunlight, with dark sunglasses covering his eyes, adding even more to his gruff exterior.

“Rip Wheeler”, he announced as he removed the cowboy hat from his head as a way of greeting.

His voice is warm and heavy, like a good glass of whiskey. Music to my ears. The full head of curls now visible was messy like he had been running his hands through it all day. He extended his hand towards me, calloused and large, exactly the hands you would expect from a hard-working man.

I couldn’t help but think how good they would look around my neck.

“Another handshake? Fucking pussies, honestly Lainey I am so sorry, I promise I will show you some real men whilst you’re here.” quickly pulled me out of my little fantasy.
“Beth! Go inside,” John shouted whilst Rip looked towards her with what can only be described as a knee-shaking scowl.

She laughed and threw a wave behind her as she headed back in with Jamie following her. I like her.

“I'm the foreman here on this ranch”, he looked me up and down quickly.
“Lainey, nice to meet you, Rip” I offered my hand to him this time as I did feel slightly bad for the way Beth had gone in on him.
“You're gonna need better shoes”, he responded with a grunt whilst looking at my trusty Crocs.

I swear I felt a shock go through my body as he engulfed my hand in his with a gentle shake, the opposite of what I was expecting. The feeling distracted me from the comment he made. If he hasn’t felt comfort like Crocs, that's his loss.

My hands had always been small and a joke amongst my friends, but his large ones wrapped around mine looked like a joke. My hands were probably the only small thing about me, I had never been skinny even as a child, which is what I think makes them more visible to other people and open to all the jokes.

“Rip, here is my right-hand man, and it will be his job tomorrow to show you around the place. Any issues I'm not around for, you go straight to him” He quickly stepped back as John Dutton spoke.

That is definitely not going to happen, I thought to myself as the rough-looking cowboy stared at me as John spoke. Wow, talk about a mix of responses to me being here.

“Excuse me, Sir, I have to check those dipshits have finished the fencing from today.”, “Lainey,” he said with a nod of acknowledgement as he turned and started walking away.

I let myself soak him up as he walked away, perfectly fitting blue jeans, a black shirt, and a sun-bleached black jacket with the collar turned up and a toothpick now placed in his mouth. This is going to be hard.

Remember your promise to yourself, Lainey. No men older than your dad. Just as I started to turn my head, I saw him turn and look straight at me again for one second before he carried on back down the path towards the barns.

“Well, you’ve met most of the family, the rest of the cowboys you can meet tomorrow. C'mon, follow me and I'll show you where you’re staying,” John said as I followed him up the stairs on the porch.

Chapter Text

The inside of the house is just as beautiful as the outside. As an English person, if you had asked me to imagine the most authentically western house I could think of, I still wouldn’t have got close to imagining this. My awe must have been visible on my face, which amused John.

“Pretty nice, isn’t it? Built by my grandpa and has been lived in by Duttons ever since. Not so many these days, but I promised my dad that it would always have at least one of us in here” A sad smile crept across his face as he said it.

“Anyway, let's head upstairs. Any room on the right side can be yours. You just make yourself at home, and I will see you down at dinner in an hour,” he turned to leave.
“Thank you so much for having me here, I'm really looking forward to getting to know the place”

“You’re more than welcome, Lainey. Though it's Beth you need to thank the most, it was her who persuaded the rest of us,” He nodded.
“I definitely will. Thank you again, I will see you for dinner,” I said with a smile.

I went into the bedroom, the furthest down the hall out of the three doors I had to choose from. Opening the door, I was welcomed into a bedroom bigger than I have ever had before, out of all the places I have lived in.

A king-sized bed sat in the middle of the room, with crisp white sheets. I cannot wait to get under them after all of this travel. A set of wooden drawers, a large wardrobe and a matching bedside table with a lamp sat on top made me weirdly feel at home, considering I am thousands of miles away from my comfort right now.

I started unpacking my bags and opened up my bag with my cameras inside. I unpacked the three I brought with me, my Sony A7III, Fuji X100VI and my trusty little Polaroid that I love because it connects to my phone to print out any photo I want.

Once they were unpacked, I moved on to the clothes I brought for the trip, throwing on some jeans, a white oversized tee and my Crocs once again just because it amused me what people might be thinking of them.

I headed into the ensuite to splash some cold water on my face to try and rid my feelings of impostor syndrome before heading down the stairs to dinner. I realised I had got lost twice before finally getting to the correct room. The smell of the food cooking felt familiar, but I figured, after all that aeroplane food, any properly cooked food would smell nice enough to make me feel that way.

“Good evening, Lainey, was everything good for you?” John asked seriously as I made my way into the dining room, which may as well have been a fancy restaurant.

I rarely even sat at a dinner table growing up, it must be nice to have a family that does this every night. If you had put mine all on one table every evening, there would have been knives thrown across the room before the food had even come out.

“It is perfect, thank you again for opening up your home to me” Thanking people, apologising and always wanting to make sure I sound grateful is something I am very good at.
“Stop with the thanking, you are more than welcome and I would like you to feel like part of the family whilst you stay with us”, John replied kindly.
“Yes, our amazing, functional, tight-knit family,” Beth said as she made her way into the room and sat down in the chair next to me.

“Always so positive, aren’t you, Beth?” Jamie followed in as he made his way in.
“Both of you stop now, we have a guest with us”, John said as if scolding school-age children.

“Tonight we have fish and chips to make Miss Lainey here feel at home”, announced the man in the apron as he carried plates into the room.

“Lainey, this here is Gator. He is the cook on the ranch, and he will be happy to cook you whatever you want whenever you want,” John declared as Gator gave me a kind smile while he put the large plates on the table.

“I hope it is good for you, it is the first thing I thought of when I heard we would have an English person staying for a while” He grinned, a friendly face.
“Thank you, Gator, it sure smells nice and has made me feel right at home”, I reply honestly.
“Anything would be better after eating the dog food they call aeroplane food, right, Lainey?” Beth laughed from next to me.

“I sure hope it was good food after all the money those plane tickets cost the ranch”, snarled Jamie from across the table, still in his suit, which made me feel very underdressed. Maybe the Crocs weren’t as good an idea as it seemed in my head.

“Jamie, there is no need. This is our guest, and you will be polite to her”, John quickly interjected.
“Well done, Jamie”, Beth responded, clapping “Way to make sure every single person on this ranch hates you” She quickly stood and walked out of the room.
“Join me for a smoke after this, away from that snake”, she added.

“I told you it was a bad idea, and I will leave it at that, Dad. We do not need another person sneaking around this place looking for secrets,” Jamie said as he stood and then exited the room.

“Welcome to my family, Lainey. I'm glad they took all the conversations we had about making you feel welcome so seriously. I'm awfully sorry,” he dabbed his mouth with the napkin almost as if to wipe the awkwardness off.
“Honestly, John, you haven’t met my family. That was light compared to what I'm used to”, I laughed before putting a chip in my mouth. This earned me a laugh from the man I was left at the dinner table with.

“Well, I'm glad it hasn’t put you off at least. You’re gonna fit in just fine around here” He took another bite of his food.
“I hope so, and when it comes to secrets, don’t you worry, I'll get your approval on all of the images before they are published”, knowing he had already read our contract, but wanting to reassure him to take the edge off.

Once the quiet dinner with just me and John was done, I asked to be excused to head out onto the porch for a smoke. I was greeted by a gentle sunset, pinks and oranges perfectly blending to be as picturesque as the sky ever could be. Just as I got my phone out to capture it, Beth rounded the corner, handing me a light and gesturing for me to sit with her.

“It sure is beautiful, everyone who comes here loves it. Yet, we who were raised here couldn’t wait to escape it all,” she said thoughtfully.
“It's usually the case, isn’t it? I ran away from my home town, but I see the beauty in it now whenever I return,” I said honestly.
“You’re not wrong. Except for my youngest brother, Kacey, he’s never seen the beauty in this place and never will. Escaped as soon as he could and doesn’t come back around very often. When he does, he’s running away again as quickly as possible” She kept her eyes focused ahead of us.

I hid my shock at the family secrets being spilt so fast, but one vibe I got from Beth so far is that she is an open book on most fronts. I do have a habit of making people feel comfortable enough to tell me a lot without trying, and I'm glad it's translated over here, too. A little smile plays on my face when I think of the fact I won’t have to get caught up in conversation with random people in Tesco’s or TKMaxx for a little while.

“I think siblings are complicated. You can be raised together and end up being so far from the same people that it hurts. I know my sister and I couldn’t be any different if we tried”, I responded to her admission with.
“I would have to agree with you, little miss Lainey, when there were four of us, it was easier, but since our eldest brother passed, it has become more clear than ever that I don’t believe Kasey will return here any time soon” A sad look crossed over her face.

“I'm sorry for your loss. I had no idea,” I suddenly felt awkward.
“How would you? Don’t worry about it. How many siblings do you have?” Beth replied with a sad smile.
“Just the one sister, and there is a decent age gap between us, 11 years, so we’ve never been the closest”, which is an easy way to hide the darkness of our relationship. It would take a hell of a lot to get me to start opening up about all of that.

Just as the thoughts of my childhood came into my head, they disappeared when I spotted Rip Wheeler down by the barn. Blowing the smoke out of my mouth, I watched him start walking away from the barn and to a smaller cabin to the right of the barn.

It looked like a smaller version of the main house, less luxurious but still charming. I couldn’t help but imagine how a man like him might decorate. A single mattress on the floor and every wall covered in guns, maybe? But that was my inner Brit talking.

“Fascinated by Rip, huh? Can’t say I'm shocked he sure is a real fucking man” My cheeks flushed slightly as I realised Beth had caught me in my little fantasy.
“Just taking in the sights, need to familiarise myself somehow”, a lie, but the only thing I could think to respond with.

“Hey, I'm not judging you for it. Would have thought he was a little bit old for you, but it seems we have quite a lot in common,” she joked, “also a slut for older men?”
“That's one way to put it, sure” All I could do was laugh and take another drag of my cigarette,
“Well, if that's the type of man you’re after, you would be impressed. Biggest dick I have ever seen, like huge” she exclaimed with no hesitation.

“Oh, I'm sorry, are you two together?” I said with embarrassment laced in my voice.
“Oh god no, we had flings here and there when we’ve both been lonely out here, but not for a looong time. We would never work, he’s all yours if you want him,” she stood from where she was sitting.

“I'll leave you with that thought, goodnight, Lainey. See you at breakfast.” She smiled.
“Goodnight, Beth”, and with that, I was left with my own thoughts.

Biggest dick she’s ever seen? Definitely not the thoughts I needed when I'm already fighting this little Rip Wheeler cowboy fantasy in my head. All mine, though? Guess that means there's no Mrs Wheeler.

I stubbed my cigarette out just as he opened the door to the cabin in the distance. Well, this had been a hell of a first impression of the place I was going to spend the next eight weeks of my life. I stood and headed inside. I needed some good sleep before I had to spend time with that man tomorrow.

Chapter Text

I rolled over and was suddenly startled awake when I noticed I wasn’t in my own bed, quickly coming to realise where I was and that it was all definitely real. Looking at my phone, the time showed it was 4:45 AM, jet lag had turned up in full swing.

Knowing I wasn’t going to get any more sleep, I quietly got out of bed and tiptoed across to my bathroom, hoping I wouldn’t wake anyone else in the house. Taking off my shorts and tank top, I started the shower, letting it get as hot as possible before stepping in. Washing off all of that travel felt amazing, and freshly washed hair always makes me feel like a new person.

As I stepped out, I wiped off the condensation from the mirror to take a good look at myself. My long brown hair always looks crazy with waves before I brush it after a good clean, which makes me laugh. I really should have got it cut before I came out here, I thought to myself. With it currently sitting just below my boobs it was getting harder to control every day.

Settling on brushing it out and letting it air dry to control the waves, I started picking out my outfit for my first real day on the ranch. Light blue jeans, my baggy white Chris Stapleton tee, trusty trucker hat and my well-worn Ariat boots.

I smiled to myself, hoping that this was going to knock the smug straight out of Rip Wheeler. One thing I hate is being underestimated. Who would come all the way out here and not have a pair of boots? Another part of me did want to turn up in Crocs again today just to see if it would annoy him, though I learnt my lesson last night about feeling underdressed at dinner next to Jamie.

I assessed myself in the mirror, making sure my t-shirt was tucked in at one side to hide the bit of my stomach I was still trying to learn to love. ‘Nothing wrong with some tummy overhang, you’re not trying to impress any of these people, ’ I repeated to myself three times just to try and get that message into my head.

I left my room, trying to shut the door as quietly as possible and made my way down the stairs. This time, really trying to get used to the floor plan of the house, so I didn’t get lost again with no voices in another room to direct me at this time in the morning.

Slowly opening the front door to make my way onto the porch, I jumped out of my skin when I heard a gruff “Good morning, Lainey” come from John behind me.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you”, he laughed.
“I'm sorry, I didn’t think anyone else would be up at this time, jet lag got me”, I whispered.
“I'm always awake first, this place would burn to the ground if I had a lie-in.” John looked out across the landscape.
“Good to know you trust them all”, I laughed, “I'm gonna head out onto the porch for a little while. Good morning, John”.

Stepping out of the door, I was instantly hit with a feeling of tranquillity. The air felt fresher than anything I had ever experienced before, with a slight chill in it as the sun was only just starting to appear. Sitting down on one of the wooden chairs that decorated the front porch, I let myself drink it all in. The sound of the flint on my lighter was so loud in comparison to the almost silence out here, other than a few birds going about their business.

Just as I was taking a drag from the Marlboro, I noticed movement in the distance. Movement in the shape of the man I couldn’t quite shake from my thoughts last night, Rip Wheeler. He stopped with what looked to be a mug and took a sip whilst looking out from his porch across as much of the property as he could see from there.

He hesitated for a moment, then set his mug down on the porch before setting off towards the barns. Even the way he walked seemed threatening, shoulders straight and hands by his side, that looked like he was ready to take someone in a fight at any moment.

“Morning, breakfast is about to be served if you wanna head through”, said Beth as she came out and leaned against the wall, lighting her cigarette.
“Good morning, Beth, you’re not joining?” I looked at her, confused.
“Nicotine and a mango smoothie mixed with vodka is all I need”, she replied whilst inhaling, “I'll catch you later, I have a meeting in the city”
“I hope it goes okay,” I said as I made my way back to the front door, towards the heavenly smell of American bacon.

“So, Lainey, today is your first full day here. After breakfast, I was thinking I'll show you down to the barns, and then I'll have Rip take over from there, as I need to go see the governor. Sound good to you?” the elder Dutton said before taking a bite of his scrambled egg.
“That sounds perfect to me, I'll run upstairs once I've finished, grab my camera and meet you out on the porch?” I spoke between bites.
“Atta girl, getting stuck in straight away. I like that,” he laughed.

“Hopefully not getting too stuck in, am I right, Dad?” Jamie chimed as he entered the room and took his seat in another immaculate suit.
“I can take you some new headshots whilst I'm here if you want?” I asked with a hint of sarcasm in my voice.
“On that note, I'm done. Lainey, I will meet you on the porch in five minutes. Jamie, I will see you for dinner,” John said as he stood up and made his way out of the room.

I quickly ran upstairs and grabbed my Fuji, the friendliest-looking camera I brought in the hopes of not freaking anyone out with a huge camera on my first day. I double-checked that the silent shutter was on as I headed towards the front door, the easiest way to make sure I could keep scenes natural and less distracting.

John was waiting for me with his hands on his hips, looking out over his land, when I stepped outside.
“Ready? Follow me,” he said as he adjusted his cowboy hat, checking that I was walking behind him.

As we walked, he told me various facts about the place and his family history on the land, making numerous comments about people trying to take it from him, which sparked my curiosity. Questions for another day started popping up in my head. Some dark things are happening around here.

“Here we have the barns and the bunkhouse where my wranglers stay”, John shouted to me as I was trailing behind slightly from taking some pictures of him whilst he approached his barns, hoping that he was unaware.

“Rip, come over here”, he demanded casually, causing Rip to start making his way out of the biggest barn.

With one hand on his belt buckle, he stopped to take in a deep breath and then made his way over to us. His outfit was the same as yesterday, with another toothpick between his teeth. I swear I could see it bend from the tension in his jaw as he stopped just in front of us.

“Miss Lainey”, he grunted, “See you got some better shoes”, he chimed after looking me down head to toe, making me feel like I won that battle, but also left me feeling self-conscious from the way he looked me over.
“Okay, Rip, I'm gonna need you to take over from here. I gotta head into town to see the governor.” John gave me a reassuring smile.

“Yes, Sir” was all the grumpy cowboy could say in return.
“Look after her. See you tonight, Lainey,” John added before he turned to make his way back to the main house.

This left just me and Rip standing together slightly awkwardly, the intensity of his gaze making my cheeks flush slightly, which is always evident on my pale skin, embarrassingly.

“Follow me”, he demanded with a turn, marching off in front of me with angry footsteps.
“Yes, Sir”, I added sarcastically before having to do a few fast footsteps to catch up with him.

I'm not short, being 5ft 7”, but Rip towered over me, and his strides must have been twice as big as mine. All I got in response was a slight head tilt, telling me he was unsure of how to respond.

“This is the main barn, this is where you will find the horses”, he said shortly, gaining a slight laugh from me.

Does he believe I couldn’t come to that conclusion myself? My attention was drawn to an all-black horse who was watching me as we made our way through the barn. He looked like he wanted some scratches, so I made my way over to him.

Just as I put my hand out to approach the horse, I was stopped with a sharp voice and a grab of my arm.

“Don’t go near him, he’s a rotten bastard”, Rip declared angrily as the horse backed away.

The whole interaction took me by surprise, and we were still standing with his chest up against my back and his big hand wrapped around my arm. As I looked down at his hand, he quickly pulled it away, making me miss the warmth, but wary of the man I had now annoyed more, as he stepped back from me, composing himself.

“I'm sorry, he didn’t show me any signs of anger, I just thought he wanted a scratch”, I explained weakly.
“Yeah, well, now you know. Do not touch anything I haven’t told you to.” He muttered angrily as he started walking ahead through the barn.

“Hey Rip, I'm not here to piss you off. I can tell you’re not too happy at me being here, but the last thing I want is to annoy you,” I replied honestly, trying to break the ice between us.
“Yeah well you’re damn good at doing just that so far” he shot back.

I followed him out of the barn now pissed off myself with venom building on my tongue ready to dig into the man, I was distracted when I heard a shout.

“Hey Alien! You made it to the bunkhouse, looks like you’re settling in on our planet,” Ryan laughed, referring to my comment from yesterday as he made his way towards us.
“What in the fuck did you just call her?” interjected Rip.
“Woah, it's mine and Miss Lainey here's first inside joke. Isn't it?” Ryan defended himself.

“Sure is, Ryan. Trying to fit in so far, but it seems some people might be able to sense I'm an intruder,” I added to the joke, tipping my head towards Rip, who stood radiating with anger.

From biting my head off to defending me against what he thought was an insult within a minute had confused the hell out of me. What is wrong with this man?

“You looked as annoyed at him as he looks all the time. He was told to play nice before you got here, seems he hasn’t listened. Welcome to our world,” Ryan whispered to me whilst Rip looked off into the distance.
“Well, it's nice to know it isn’t just me he has a stick up his arse with” I joked back.
“You done with your best friend? I've got shit to do”, stopped mine and Ryan's conversation in its tracks.

With an eye roll, I said bye to Ryan and continued to follow the most pissed-off cowboy I could have imagined. The thought of how much frustration I could help him get out clouded my mind for a moment before he spoke again.
“This here is the bunkhouse, which won’t be of much concern to you. Stay away from it,” he growled almost as if it were a threat.
“And why is that?” I replied, trying to poke the bear slightly.

Just as he turned to me, the doors opened and a bunch of cowboys filed out, making their way over to us.

“This is why”, I heard him mutter.

“Hey, Lainey, right? Colby, nice to meet you. Ryan told me he thinks you’re going to fit in well,” he said whilst lifting his cowboy hat off his head in greeting.
“Jake”, the next cowboy interrupted, doing the same with his hat.
“Jimmy, nice to meet you. Nice to have a girl around here,” earned him a shove from Rip.
“Hey there, name's Walker,” said the smartly dressed cowboy, only hints of dirt on his shirt giving away that he had worked in them.

I couldn’t help but be slightly charmed by this guy, the southern drawl that rolled out of his mouth intrigued me.

“Are you all done bothering her?” asked Rip, moving closer towards me as if to warn them off.
“Welcome to Yellowstone, Lainey, names Lloyd. Any issues with this guy, you come to me,” the kind-looking older cowboy stated, making the rest of the cowboys laugh.

“Hey Lainey, what about this for a pose?” shouted Colby, with him and Ryan doing their best male model faces, as Jimmy ran up behind them to join in, earning a hearty laugh from me.
“Get back to fucking work, playtimes over” Rip barked out which sent the cowboys off towards the barn waving goodbye.

Chapter Text

“Let's keep walking, Lainey” Rip continued ahead of me as I waved goodbye to the others.

“This is the storage barn, all the equipment stays in here. You don’t need to worry about that either, sure you won’t be getting those little hands dirty,” he said, throwing the dig casually.
“What do you mean by that? Do you think I'm scared of getting my hands dirty? And they are not that little,” I said with a hint of frustration that the jokes had followed me to this continent.

For the first time in my presence with this man, I could see him fight the smile that just tried to lift the corners of his mouth. The problem is, I don’t know which bit of what I said amused him enough to almost show me behind the scowl he wears.

“There are two facts here, one, they are, and two, Little Miss college degree is not gonna get her hands dirty,” He smirked.

His audacity genuinely surprised me, talk about judging a book by its cover. Yet at the same time, it was almost as if he just tried to have a joke with me. I can’t deal with his amount of mixed emotions after only knowing him for basically half an hour.

“Hey, you don’t get to make presumptions like that. You have no idea who I am or where I came from. I'm the first person in my family to go to university and you can bet your ass it wasn’t positivity, support and rainbows that got me there” I bit back.
“What was it then? A bunch of money thrown at you by Daddy to get you away for a while?” he replied with a mocking tone.

“Fuck you. I don’t know what your problem is, but you’re picking the wrong person to do this with”, I could feel my blood starting to boil, “Daddy is a junkie who I have no relationship with after some horrific shit happened. They don’t tend to be the most caring of parents. Now please fuck all the way off”

Lighting a cigarette as I sat down on one of the benches, I watched Rip from behind my sunglasses, still standing in the same spot from when I walked away. He had one hand on the back of his neck as if to squeeze the tension that was hanging heavy in the air off of him.
It wasn’t my intention to have anyone know much about my personal life whilst I was here, but he found his way under my skin like no one ever has before.

I watched him inhale a deep breath as I took a drag, and he exhaled at the same time I did. He slowly turned around and started to walk towards me, removing the pick from between his teeth, he almost looked gentler than I had seen yet.

“Did you not hear me tell you to fuck off? So full of yourself that your ears don’t work?” I exclaimed with anger laced in my voice.

Pushing people away with words is one of my expert skills, and I have no problem doing it to the man who still hasn’t stopped walking. Swinging his leg over the seat on the opposite side of the bench to me, he aggressively rubbed his face as if in deep thought.

“Listen, Lainey, I'm really sorry for the shit I just said. That was completely out of order and you’re damn right I don’t know you to be making presumptions like that” it sounded like it pained him to say the words.
“You’re damn right you don’t. As I said, I have no idea what your problem is with me being here, but you need to figure it out because you have eight weeks of me” I’m not letting him off that easily.

I'm not sure if it’s annoying me more that he has a genuinely guilty look on his face or that the forever-angry man isn’t trying to continue the previous argument, so I have to calm my anger down.

“I don’t want a bunch of love-sick cowboys running around here fucking up their work because there's a pretty girl following them with a camera” his response threw me.

When was the last time I was ever called pretty? Probably not, since my ex first love bombed me at the start of our relationship. Does this mean his problem started before I got here, or just since he saw me?

“What do you mean by that, Rip? It clearly isn’t an issue with them, and I wouldn’t say I'm very distracting,” I laughed.
“I disagree. Now you know my problem,” he looked away from me.
“Your problem is a bad excuse to treat someone you just met with so much spite and anger” I’m not taking it.

“I do agree with that, I'm sorry, Lainey. For what it's worth, my father was just the same, except I ended up here,” the guilty-looking cowboy admitted.
“I'm sorry to hear that. I am, but one thing I won’t tolerate being around is an angry man, I've spent enough years around them to last a lifetime,” I confessed.
“If I offer to kill them for you, will that work as an apology?” he said with the most serious face, which earned a shocked laugh from me, causing a smile to surface on his.

“Wow, you have the ability to do that?” I asked.
“To kill them? You tell me their names and I'll do it,” he responded seriously.
“No, you idiot”, I laughed more, “you have the ability to smile? I figured you were made without that” My answer earned a gruff laugh from him.

“It's rare, take a picture so you don’t forget it”, he laughed again, but soon tried to put a serious scowl back on when my camera was facing him.

The corner of his mouth just betrayed him by turning up slightly. The cowboy stood and walked to my side of the bench, holding his hand out. Fuck, his hands are hot. I might have a problem here, I can’t even stay angry at him.

“Come on, Lainey, let's get you out on your first western ride”, he said, holding my hand to help me up. That same shock was there again when he touched me, this time, I know I felt it.

“My first ride? Who said it's my first time riding?” I scoffed.
“I don’t want to know what you and your boyfriend get up to back home, but this is gonna be your first time really riding”, he joked with his gruff voice, but the word boyfriend made me flinch.

“I thought you were done with presumptions? No boyfriend and not my first ride,” he turned to look at me for just a second too long.
“Is that so, huh? Well, let's get going, cmon,” he turned and walked ahead of me.

We made our way back to the main barn to be greeted by a couple of the Yellowstone horses, stopping in front of a well-groomed brown beauty,

“This will be your horse whilst you’re here, Bubba, he’ll take it easy with you”, Rip stated as if talking to a child nervous for their first time getting on a horse.

“Hey there, Bubba, I think we’re going to have a nice time together. Don’t you think?” The horse leaned into my touch, allowing me to give him gentle scratches.
“Seems like he likes you already, let's get him tacked up” He walked to a small side room.

Rip spent the next ten minutes intensely explaining every part of the tack and basics of riding before he left me and Bubba together whilst he got his horse out of the stables. As he was explaining, I realised I had the potential to pull off a great joke later on.

I know I could have saved him the time, but instead, I gave him enthusiastic responses as if I were learning so much. It was the most words I had heard the cowboy speak since arriving here, and I had to remove the thoughts of how good he would sound talking me through it multiple times.

“Bubba, we’re gonna get shouted at, but it's going to be worth it, just work with me,” I said to the horse whilst giggling to myself.

Rip returned with his horse he explained is called “Dude”, and my god, did the horse match this man's aesthetic. Dark and threatening, just like the man who rides him.

“Okay, Lainey, I'm going to give you a hand up if that's okay?” he asked with caution.

Sooner or later, he’s going to see, so I may as well have some fun with it, and a little physical contact isn’t too bad. The thought of how long it had been since James popped into my head and made me noticeably shiver.

“If you don’t want me to help, just say Lainey”, Rip asked, sounding confused by my reaction.
“No, no, sorry, I just, it doesn’t matter. Yes, please help me up, cowboy,” I replied with a big smile.
“One foot in the stirrup, just like that, there you go”, he instructed.
“And you’re up. Good girl,” he removed his big hand from my back and made his way back to his horse.

I thanked the cowboy gods he had turned around so he didn’t see the red come to my cheeks after that comment.

We spent the next hour riding slowly with Rip watching me intently as if to warn off any danger with his eyes that are hidden behind his sunglasses. I spent most of the hour feeling self-conscious knowing my boobs were making themselves known with every movement, being impossible for someone not to notice.

The majority of the ride was filled with comfortable silence as we made our way through some pastures, with Rip pointing out facts about certain areas and what the number of each pasture was. We came to a stop, hopping off our horses and facing the most beautiful landscape I had ever seen. The colours of flowers growing along the ground and the mountains above towering over us, taking my breath away for a second.

“This is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, wow,” I said whilst looking around slowly drinking it all in and reaching for my camera.
“I agree,” Rip said quietly whilst looking directly at me.
“Found this place last year, haven’t shown it to anyone yet, thought it might look pretty for your photos”, he added, changing the subject slightly.

I sat down on the ground and lit a cigarette, feeling slightly overwhelmed by my surroundings.

“Ain't anybody told you that those things are bad for you?” he asked.
“Yes. There are many things I've left behind, this stays,” I replied, vaguely distracted by the beauty around me.

Rip made his way down to the floor with some grunts before lying down with one hand propped under his head. He looks incredible. If he wasn’t such a dick i might have told him that, but it’s probably not the best idea with having another two months left here.

“Rare I get to sit and enjoy”, he mumbled.

As he looked off into the distance, I snapped a couple of pictures of him relaxing on the land he worked so hard for. The rough cowboy framed by flowers of all colours, I'm sure he wouldn’t be overjoyed by it, but I can’t wait to see the image in print.

“You ready to head back?” Rip asked in a softer tone than he’s used around me before. I made a mental note to make sure we come back here before I leave.

“Sure, thank you for showing me this place. It's incredible,” I said whilst standing and walking back over to Bubba and Dude.

I put one foot in the stirrup and, without asking, he was behind me again, gently pushing me up to swing my leg over. I was starting to feel slightly bad about the joke I was going to pull.

After another slow walk back the way we came, the barns became visible to us. They stand proud against the incredible nature surrounding them. The black and white contrast with the greens is incredibly beautiful.

“Bubba, are you ready?” I whispered so the cowboy next to me couldn’t hear.

As soon as he turned away for a second, I whipped the reins and set off as fast as I could get the horse going.

Leaving behind a shocked Rip Wheeler all I heard was a “Fuck!” “Lainey fuck!” as he set off chasing me. Laughing out loud to myself, I chanced a look behind me and saw him shortening the distance between us.

“What the fuck Lainey! Slow the fuck down” Rip shouted behind me. His face looked a mix of all emotions, anger, panic, and I'm certain, the slight hint of a smile.

As we were in front of the barn, I pulled off my one good western riding skill, causing Bubba to pull off the perfect slide. I didn’t expect him to be as good at it, seeing as though they gave me a beginner horse.

“Holy fuck!”
“Lainey is a fucking cowboy”
“Did you see that?”
"Some real cowboy shit"
“Little English girl is a better cowboy than Jimmy”

Comments kept coming from all of the wranglers who stood around the barn with shocked faces. All I responded with was a tip of my trucker hat towards them, slightly breathless from my first full-pace ride in a while, glad that Bubba could pull it off with me. Jumping off him, I ruffled his mane and praised him while angry footsteps made their way towards me.

“What in the fuck was that Lainey?” Rip almost shouted, his voice just slightly letting himself down from putting across the full level of pretend anger he wanted to.
“I told you it wasn’t my first ride. You seemed to enjoy teaching me, so I thought I would let you enjoy it,” he shook his head, a smile fighting its way onto his face as I spoke.
“I thought I would remind you what I said about making presumptions about me”, I spoke sarcastically as I started walking Bubba back to his stall.

“Well fuck, I guess we have to get you a proper cowboy hat now” was all the grumpy cowboy could say to me as I walked away.

“Heard someone here almost gave Rip a heart attack today”, John spoke, looking directly at me as Gator served us dinner, causing everyone to divert their eyes to me.
“In my defence, John, we already had one conversation today about him presuming things about me”, I said politely.
“Seems you proved him right, Lainey.” the elder Dutton laughed, “where did you learn to ride like that?”

“I rode English on and off during my childhood, but when I moved away, I found stables near me that offered Western, so I relearned. Took a couple more sessions before I came out here to make sure I could keep up,” I explained.
“Fuck yeah atta girl seems you can out-ride some of the so-called cowboys we have here” Beth exclaimed.
“Since when was western riding a thing in England?” Jamie asked with suspicion laced in his voice, killing the lighthearted conversation.

“If you ever get out of those suits, I'd be happy to show you that it is, in fact, a thing, Jamie,” I said with an innocent smile on my face.
“Ding, ding, ding! Jamie loses again,” Beth said with her steak knife pointed towards the slimy-looking man across the table.
“When will you learn, Jamie?” John asked, choking back a laugh whilst wiping his mouth with his napkin.

“I didn’t know Rip came with the emotion shocked built into him, did you, Daddy?” Beth changed the conversation back, “Seems Little Miss Lainey here is making quite an impression on your guard dog”, she said teasingly, triggering a blush on my cheeks.
“Hm, is that right?” John asked.

“You’re gonna have to do some better programming with him to turn him back into your pet robot after this”, the older woman declared with anger laced in her voice before standing and rushing out of the room.
“Well, that marks the evening as over, good night, Lainey,” John said before following his daughter out of the room.

Chapter Text

One second, I was fast asleep, and the next second, I was bolting to sit up in bed.

“Lainey!” followed by more harsh knocking on my door.
“Lainey, are you in there?” The smooth voice of the cowboy I spent all night dreaming about finally made me realise what was happening.
“Rip? Yeah, I'm here, what's wrong?” I grumbled.
“It's 9 AM, Lainey, Mr Dutton said I had to check on you if you weren’t around by now.” he sounded annoyed.

Fuck, I checked my phone to confirm the time and that he wasn’t playing a trick on me. It is, in fact, 9:02 AM. I've always been shit at mornings and waking up, but the jetlag must have wiped me out before I even got a chance to set an alarm for this morning.

“Oh shit, sorry. I must have knocked out before setting an alarm.” I spoke to the man outside my bedroom door.
“I'll meet you on the porch, get ready”, was all I got in response, followed by the usual angry footsteps retreating down the hall. I listened for another second before jumping up to get ready as quickly as possible.

I ran down the stairs, hoping I looked presentable, blue jeans, a white tee, an old flannel shirt, my real tree trucker hat, sunglasses and cowboy boots on my feet. I took a deep breath when I got to the door and saw Rip looking restless on the gravel drive just below the porch.

“Hey, so sorry once again, mornings have never been my thing”, I tried to plead my innocence to the pissed-off-looking cowboy staring up at me as I lit a cigarette.

“When I was in school and living at home, most of the time my mum would give up on even trying to wake me up. I think I was on time once in five years,” I overshared, trying to lighten the mood.
“I am way better now, though, well, other than my ex sometimes having to ring me multiple times when he could see my location hadn’t moved, and I had work” I gave a half-hearted laugh, feeling the awkwardness.

“Location? How’d he see your location?” was the only response I gained.
“Oh well, we had an app on our phones that shared both of our locations 24/7, so we could always see”, I smiled.

A softer expression seemed to cover his face for a second, but it was gone as quickly as it appeared. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to get the hang of understanding his emotions, they change so incredibly fast from what I’ve seen so far.

“Lainey that's fucked up” he exclaimed.
“No, I liked it too. Meant he couldn’t lie to me any more, I could always see” I rebutted.
“You hear what you’re saying?” Rip said with a smirk.

I thought about it for a second as I smoked, and the reality of it hit me in the face. He’s right, that is pretty fucked up, I had never thought about it too deeply before. What seems normal at one point in time sometimes doesn’t even cross your mind again until it’s pointed out like this, or maybe I just like to play ignorant to some of the things.

“Yeah okay, you win, it is a bit fucked up. Oh well, that's on the lighter side of things,” I laughed in response.
“That's not something I want to win,” he replied softly.

I let myself get lost in my thoughts about that piece of shit and how he would be speaking to me right now if he would have had to come and wake me up, the thoughts making me wince slightly.

“Hey, come on, I want to see some more of those riding skills today”, Rip spoke, shaking me out of my thoughts whilst gesturing me over.
“How come I never see you around the main house? Sounded like you couldn’t get out of there fast enough earlier,” I asked as we started making our way towards the barns.

“It ain’t my house.” Rip replied, “That's the Dutton house, and I ain’t a Dutton.”
“You’ve been here a long time, though, right?” his response confused me.
“Yes, Ma’am, but that ain’t never gonna make me a Dutton”, he continued, looking ahead, he hadn’t needed any time to think of his response.

It made me feel bad that I was here on the ranch, living in the main house in luxury, whilst the people who have served this land every day don’t get to have the same experience. The impostor syndrome is hitting hard.

“You wanna swap one night? You can stay in my room and eat Gator’s ridiculously good food, and I'll eat whatever it is you eat?” I asked with a big smile.
“I'm never gonna stay in the Dutton house, but I can show you what we cowboys do eat one day. You might like my house more, darlin’” He finally turned his head to look at me. Not just a glance, an unshameful stare up and down me.

“Hey, Lainey! Come check this out, hope you brought your camera,” Ryan shouted over from the fenced-in arena near the barns, pulling me and Rip straight out of our conversation.
“What is this?” I asked, completely confused as to what I was seeing.
“We’re gonna tape Jimmy to the saddle and stick him on the back of the colt we’ve been breaking”, Colby laughed whilst wrapping even more tape around Jimmy.

“Guys I don’t think this is fucking funny, please can anyone else do this” Jimmy exclaimed causing more laughter to erupt from all the cowboys that were standing around waiting for the coming show.

I saw my moment and took as many pictures as I could of them all looking happy and laughing away with each other. Some of Jimmy looking scared shitless too for the perfect mix. The fly on the wall images are going to be incredible if they just already do shit like thi sto amuse themselves.

“Lloyd, please stop them”, Jimmy made one final attempt at getting sympathy.
“You gotta earn the brand son” was all Lloyd responded whilst hiding his laugh.

“They do this in England, Lainey?” Ryan laughed, looking at my clear expression of shock at what was happening in front of me.
“This must be an American thing, I've never seen something as fucking yee-haw as this” caused more laughter from everyone's sound that could hear, including a grin from Rip on the other side of the arena.

The noises that came out of Jimmy’s mouth had me gasping for air from laughing so hard. I'm not convinced by how much work they had already put into this colt. I've never seen a horse be able to buck for so long. It is making for some incredible photos at Jimmy’s expense.

Looking around, I watched all the wranglers with pure enjoyment on their faces, until I got to Rip Wheeler, who wasn’t looking at Jimmy at all. He is looking straight at me with a hint of a smile on his lips whilst playing with the pick placed in his mouth. I tilted my head slightly out of confusion, but the burly cowboy didn’t look away once; in fact, his gaze intensified.

As my cheeks turned slightly red from being watched by Rip. He’s making it clear he has no intention of looking away from me, like it’s some type of game I don’t quite understand the rules of.

“Lainey needs a real cowboy hat, she’s catching the sun already,” Ryan shouted to Rip, which drew more eyes to me, amplifying the red on my cheeks even more.

“Let's break for lunch, someone get that dipshit down” Rip shouted making Lloyd and Colby climb over the fence to calm the horse to help Jimmy out.

I watched as Jimmy hit the floor, a mixture of his legs no longer working, probably and an effort to kiss the ground below him after surviving that. I don’t know where they found Jimmy or his story, but I would like to know why he hasn’t just quit.

“Tell me, who do you think has the best hat? So we can make sure to get you one you like at some point,” Ryan asked cheerfully, walking beside me.
“Best hat? I dunno how I could judge the best hat, Ryan,” I laughed.

Ryan took his hat off and was just about to place it on my head when Rip came out of nowhere, grabbing it out of his hands. He threw it as far as it could behind us without looking like he even tried.

“Don’t you fucking dare” he practically growled at Ryan.
“He was just wanting me to try it on so I could say whose hat is the best”, I interjected innocently.
“That is not what he was doing, you won’t wear any of these fucking idiot's hats” Rip warned me.

“Hey Lainey, come and take a seat next to me”, Lloyd shouted over, saving me from the conversation he had overheard.

“Sorry about him, he takes his role of protecting this ranch seriously, and Mr Dutton asked him to watch over you too,” Lloyd explained.
“Well, thank you for saving me from wherever that conversation was going”, I relaxed.
“We ain’t used to having a girl on the ranch, the boys can get a bit rowdy sometimes, but you’re always safe to come and sit with me”, the older cowboy said nicely.

“Are there no girls in this job around here?” I asked genuinely.
“Cowgirls don’t tend to stick around as long as cowboys, it's better these days now everyone is better behaved, but there ain’t been one in here in a long time”, he reminisced.
“What about girlfriends? They don’t come and stay often?” I took my opportunity to find out more.

“What girlfriends?” Lloyd laughed, “Ain’t none of us got a girl around here”
“Not one of you?” I was genuinely shocked by his answer.
“Nah, they don’t tend to enjoy cowboy life after the initial excitement of being with a real cowboy”, he said sarcastically with a hat tilt.

“Take Rip over there, for example”, he nodded towards the man who was stealing glances at us every so often as if trying to figure out what our conversation was about.
“He’s been here since he was a boy, and he’s never had a proper girlfriend. Flings here and there, but never kept a girl round more than once or twice” I’m unsure if that's what I wanted to hear or not.

He left me with the thought as he continued eating his lunch. I took a few more bites of mine before I couldn’t help but steal another glance at Rip myself. Much like most of today, he was staring straight at me again, which he acknowledged with a nod in my direction. Turning back to Lloyd, I hoped to get a few more questions answered.

“You said Rip has been here since he was a boy?” I want to know everything.
“Yes, Ma'am, he had never even ridden a horse” Lloyd smiled as he reminisced.
“Did he come with his family?” I asked.
“I'm sorry, sweetheart, but it ain't my place to tell you much more than what I already have. Rip is the only one who can answer more questions for ya,” the older cowboy said politely.

“He doesn’t seem to be the most open to questions so far,” I said jokingly.
“That's something you’ll get used to, but he seems to have a soft spot for you so far”, he raised an eyebrow.
“What do you mean by that? Beth said something similar yesterday,” I feel out of the loop.
“Well shit, if Beth said it then it's definitely true” Lloyd laughed.

“Lunch is over,” Rip shouted across the room to get everyone's attention.
“We’re gonna head up the hill and move the cattle from pasture 15 down to 5. Sound good?” Rip asked rhetorically, even I could tell the plan was the plan, nothing was going to change.

“Lloyd, you’re at the front, I'm gonna hang back with Lainey today” His eyes burned into me.
“Fuck yeah Lainey, you ready for some real cowboy shit?” Lloyd said enthusiastically.

Real cowboy shit was the correct word for it. Hanging at the back had been the better idea from Rip, it allowed me to capture all the images I wanted of the wranglers at work keeping the cows in order as we rode back down the hill. It was like an out-of-body experience, this is exactly what I wanted to achieve on this trip, and it sure wasn’t a negative that there was a handsome cowboy who barely took his eyes off me the whole time.

“Will you teach me how to rope?” I asked Rip who was pretending not to be watching me unsaddle Bubba.
“I can teach you whatever you want to learn,” he responded with his smooth drawl.
“You just have to promise to listen to me”.

Chapter Text

After making sure I set my alarms before sleeping last night, I was awake bright and early today. ‘Well, not too bright,’ I thought to myself whilst looking out of the porch to see if the sun hadn’t made its way over the mountains behind me yet.

Stubbing out my cigarette, I decided that heading over to the barn and seeing the horses would be the best call, so I didn’t wake anyone in the house. There is a part of me that hopes this will get me brownie points with Rip, too, after him having to come and wake me up yesterday.

Walking at a slightly faster pace than I usually would because the silence and steadiness around me are creeping me out slightly. There is so much land around here that anyone could be hiding somewhere, and I would have no idea. That does not sit well with me.

I decided to sprint the last few metres into the barn, and then the horses could protect me if anyone tried anything. Completely rational thinking. The horses looked confused to see me and not any of the cowboys who would usually bring their breakfast and follow their usual morning routine.

I gave all the horses who were looking at me some pets whilst thinking about how Rip scolded me for it before. I spoke lightly to the ‘rotten bastard’ from a few steps away so he didn’t feel left out, and I didn’t lose any of my fingers in the process.

Just as I was enjoying my peace with the horses, I heard immediately recognisable, heavy, angry footsteps heading this way.

“It must be crazy”, I spoke quietly.
“What must be crazy? I don’t have the energy for this today,” the tired-looking cowboy replied, rubbing his face as he made his way into the barn.
“It must be crazy to have never snuck up on anyone before, you have the loudest fucking footsteps I have ever heard” I half-joked.

The hearty laugh that came out of Rip’s mouth was enough to slightly melt my now cold heart. I had caught him off guard, and I was proud of myself for it. His laugh is music to my ears; it seems an injustice to the world for it to be so rare.

“Good morning to you, too, Lainey,” he spoke lightly.
“Hey, I just gave you back the energy you gave me, and it's true, you have no ability to sneak” I smiled whilst turning back to give some attention to Bubba, who had been slightly pulling at the flannel shirt I had on.

My heart almost came out of my mouth when I was suddenly trapped where I was standing. Two arms beside mine holding on to the stable door, and a strong chest pushed against my back, I felt a warm breath by my ear.

“No ability to sneak, huh? Be careful what you wish for, Little Miss Lainey,” he whispered with his beard lightly tickling my face.
“Fuck me Rip” I tipped my head back on his chest catching my breath “Don’t do that I spook easily” I laughed. Unsure if it was the lack of space between us or the actual scare making me lose my breath.

“Again, be careful what you wish for, Little Miss Lainey”, he chuckled darkly right by my ear, making me go still, realising what he was replying to.
“Thank you for letting me know you scare easily, I’m gonna enjoy playing this game” he covered my hands with his, which were still holding on to the door for dear life.

I looked at them for a second, veiny and so much larger than my own. They look like they should always be touching me in some way. Suddenly, he pulled away, making me instantly miss the feeling of his warmth covering me. He cleared his throat as I found the courage to turn around and look at the man whose scent was still lingering on my clothes.

“Go back to the main house and grab a camera, I’m gonna send you into town today on a supply run” was all he said as he retreated out of the barn and towards to bunkhouse.

I was left suddenly on my own, questioning if that had just happened before turning and walking the same path back up to the house.

Rip found himself having to take a minute as he watched Lainey go up the hill.

“Fuck” is all he could say whispering to himself as he adjusted himself in his jeans. Wishing he hadn’t had to pull away from her in such a rush, but being so close to Lainey and having her trapped between him and the stable had caused a lot of feelings. The main one at that moment was the feeling of his blood rushing to his dick.

Quietly making my way up to my bedroom, I tried to push the thoughts of Rip Wheeler's solid chest against me like that out of my mind.

“Why do you look like you’ve either just seen a ghost or lost your virginity in the back of a truck?” Beth asked inquisitively as I walked past her room, making me jump.
“Going by the colour your cheeks just went, I’m gonna guess the second one?” she asked teasingly.

“Can confirm it was neither of them, but never stop voicing your thoughts, please, Beth. They should be recorded and made into a book” I laughed at her looking like she was trying to read my mind.
“Clearly we need a catch-up and it's only been a few days since I’ve been gone”, she spoke with a smirk “I’m going away for a few days again this afternoon, but when I’m back we’re going out”.
“I look forward to it”, I smiled genuinely and headed to my room.

Back at the bunkhouse, Ryan and Jimmy make their way towards me. Grins just like children on their faces, it made me feel slightly nervous that they both had some weird prank or something planned in the time I’ve been gone.

“Hey Lainey, you’re with us today. We’re going to town.” Ryan spoke excitedly as I followed them to the giant Yellowstone truck.
“Shotgun!” Jimmy shouted.
“Shut the fuck up” Ryan laughed “The guest gets shotgun”

“Cmon, Ryan, I never get shotgun”, Jimmy winged.

They argued amongst themselves whilst I looked over and found Rip watching me, looking away when he realised he’d been caught. I felt a small hit of disappointment at him looking away. I like it when he makes it clear he’s staring.

I was quiet on the car ride into town as I let myself get lost in my thoughts about Rip giving me the cold shoulder and sending me away from him. Why am I even allowing it to get to me? I’m only here for such a short amount of time, I can’t let it get to me.

“Lainey? Did you see Rip this morning?” pulled me out of my thoughts.
“Why, what's up?” I answered cautiously.
“Nothing, he just came into the bunkhouse in possibly the worst mood I have ever seen him in”, Ryan responded.
“It was fucking scary” Jimmy added.

“Oh, so his being in a bad mood means I was involved?” Quickly turned it into a joke so I didn’t have to admit that it was actually because of me. Well, he chose to put himself as close to me as possible.
“You know that's not what I’m saying.” Ryan faked a shocked expression “We were just curious what could have caused it so early in the morning”.

“Wow, is this it?” I asked as we turned onto a main street which looked straight out of any small-town American movie.
“I have never in my life seen someone in awe of this shit hole town” Jimmy looked genuinely confused.
“Come on, Jimmy, I heard we have to get some more tape for you”, I joked back.

I took a bunch of photos of the stores lining the streets and the casual cowboys and girls walking the streets. It had been a while since I got to do any street photography, and I fell straight back into it.

I spent the next three hours checking out every store with Ryan and Jimmy following behind me patiently and giving their opinions when asked. I found the perfect denim dress in one of the boutiques, which I knew would look great with my cowboy boots. Sinched at the waist, zip over the chest perfectly highlighting my boobs, leads to a cute collar with a flowy short skater skirt-type bottom. The dress, a new turquoise ring, and a couple of new books later and I was done.

We headed into the supply shop and finally started ticking off the items we had been sent to town for. It was bringing me joy hoping that Rip was pissed we had taken this long. If he wants to give me the cold shoulder, then I know I won’t be able to help trying to get under his skin.

“Oh fuck yeah,” I said louder than I expected catching Ryan and Jimmy’s attention.
“Haven’t seen anyone excited about them since I was about 5”, Ryan smirked.
“I’m getting one for everyone, it's gonna be great!” I couldn’t hide the excitement on my face.
“Isn’t it your job to take the photos?” Jimmy chimed.
“Shut up, Jimmy”, Ryan and I said at the same time.

Five hours later, we were pulling back onto the ranch towards the barns. A pissed-looking Rip Wheeler rode over towards the car.

“We were thinking about heading into town to the bar tonight, you should put your new dress to use and join us,” Ryan said whilst opening the door for me to get out.
“Oh okay, I’ll think about it”, I replied sheepishly.

“Where in the fuck have you been?” Rip exclaimed angrily as we started unloading the bed of the truck.
“Sorry, Rip, we wanted to make sure Lainey had a good time like you asked us to”, caused a glare from me to the older cowboy looking down on us from his saddle.

How can one man send so many mixed signals in just a few hours? Wanting me out of his way and then telling them to give me a good day? Which one is it? I don’t have the patience for this type of mind games.

I grabbed my bags from the back seat and started making my way to the house without giving another look to Rip. I already know he’s watching me walk away. If he wants to be weird, then that’s the only sight of me he’s getting.

“Hope to see you tonight, Lainey. 8 PM from here”, Ryan shouted behind me.
“And that dress”, I heard Jimmy murmur and then the sound of him getting slapped over the head.
“Now, why would you say it like that, Jimmy? The fuck?”, Ryan questioned.
“Both of you fucking idiots get to work, Jimmy go shovel the shit”, Rip spat out.

Chapter Text

Throwing my new purchases onto the drawers in my room, I immediately put my pyjamas on and got into bed. The bed is where I make my best decisions.
“It's just a bar and you’re working, you will be fine,” I repeated to myself at least ten times.

I found myself enjoying the thought of annoying Rip by joining the Cowboys on their night out. I enjoyed it that much, it was enough to persuade me to jump in the shower, give myself an everything shower and curl my hair.

I made my way to the dining room in my new outfit, hearing Jamie storm out before I even got to the bottom of the stairs. As John made his way out of the room, a smirk found its way to his face.

“You know, Lainey, if I hadn’t heard you speak, I would look at you and think you were born and raised five minutes from here. First night out with the cowboys?” he asked.
“Yes, sir, I'm glad you think I fit in”, I laughed.
“I'm sorry, I didn’t think you were coming down for dinner. I've got to make a call, but help yourself to any of the food in there.” John looked guilty.

“That's my fault, I was late, sorry John” I felt guilty for not spending enough time getting to know him when it's his ranch and home he’s welcomed me into.
“No need for apologies. Enjoy yourself tonight, Rip will be on the clock so there shouldn’t be any trouble, but they are cowboys,” the older man laughed.

As I walked over to the bunkhouse, I mentally prepped myself to be surrounded by alcohol, something I had made sure not to do for a while now. You’re stronger than you think, Lainey. Just document the night, that is all you have to do. I finished my cigarette and opened the door.

The first thing I was greeted by was a long wolf whistle.
“Oh, so Lloyd can get to say what he wants?” Jimmy complained to Rip.

Rip stood frozen in the corner of the room, his eyes burning a hole in mine from the most intense stare I have ever felt. I could feel my cheeks turning red and had to find a way to look away.

“Thank you, Lloyd, yes, he gets a pass because I get to decide that”, I smiled at the old cowboy.
“Glad to hear it, sweetheart”, he winked at me whilst tipping his cowboy hat.
“That's only because he’s been whistling at girls since the 1920’s ain’t that right, Lloyd?” Colby joked, gaining a laugh from all the cowboys except Rip, who still hadn’t spoken since I arrived.

“Let's get going, boss”, Lloyd spoke as he threw the truck keys in Rip's direction, snapping him out of his trance.
“No fucking funny business tonight. 12:30 and we’re back in the truck. No girls,” he finally spoke, or more so, barked, out his orders as everyone made their way outside.

“How are we all gonna fit?” I asked, genuinely gaining a laugh from a few of the wranglers.
“We’re gonna clown car it”, Lloyd announced proudly as most of the guys jumped into the truck bed.

The vibe in the truck was icy, but Lloyd and Ryan chose to ignore it and chatted amongst themselves, trying to include Rip, but just getting grunts in response. Every few seconds, Rip glanced at me through the rearview mirror, making me inch myself closer to the door and out of his line of vision. It seems he’s going to be the winner of getting under either of our skins tonight.

The bar we pulled up to was exactly how I would have imagined a classic American dive bar. Old pool tables, dingy lighting, American flags and neon lights decorated the walls. I got straight to capturing it all on my Fuji, enjoying documenting all the cowboys having a night off for themselves. Rip had placed Lloyd in charge as he told us he had an errand to run, which confused us all, but everyone soon moved past it and got to enjoying themselves.

It wasn’t long, maybe half an hour before I could feel Rip Wheeler's eyes on me again; it was one way to make sure no other cowboy would approach me. He succeeded in making sure everyone could tell without words that I was with the Yellowstone.

I managed to get a couple of sneaky photos of him as I pretended to be really interested in the decor of the bar right where he was standing. As I made my way over to the bar, I was suddenly aware of another presence next to me.

“Howdy, young lady, ain't seen you around here before. Can I get you a drink?” the early 20s looking youthful cowboy asked politely.
“No. You can’t.” I was intercepted before I could even reply.
“Head back over to your little friends”, Rip growled at the guy.

I looked at him with shock as the younger cowboy quickly walked away. The guy wasn’t my type, at least ten years too young for me, but I still could have found myself some entertainment for the night from him.

“What the fuck?” were the only words i had.
“Two more for me, Andy”, Rip signalled to the bartender and pushed a beer over to me without responding to my shock and clear anger at him.

All I could do was stare at the drink in front of me, every inch of my body suddenly craving the alcohol. I forced my eyes shut and ran my hands through my hair a few times, taking slow breaths, trying to calm myself for a second. This is precisely what I feared would happen. If I have one, then I won’t stop. Not just for one day, last time it was four months.

“Hey, Lainey. What's going on?” Rip looked panicked as he watched me.
“Can you take that away, please?” was all I could whisper in response.
“Shit I'm sorry, I just presumed you would” he stated as he pulled the bottle towards him.
“It's fine, don’t worry”, I cut him off, staring at the condensation on the bar where the bottle had sat.

“Can I get a Coke, please?” I finally felt like I could speak at a normal volume again.
“The Yellowstone tab?” the bartender asked Rip.
“Yes, sir, anything from her is on the Yellowstone”, Rip confirmed.

“Lainey, you gonna tell me what just happened?” Rip asked me quietly.
I shook my head, finally lifting it to meet his eyes, which were searching my face for an explanation.

“Please?” he asked gently.
“I'm okay, Rip, you can go back to the cold shoulder now”, I smiled at the cowboy with concern painted all over his face.

“I'm going to head outside for some fresh air”, I stated as I walked towards the door, leaving Rip watching me walk away.

Fuck. I felt the tears come to my eyes as I walked around the corner of the bar and sat on the floor, leaning against the wall. This went worse than I expected. It was too soon; I should have known I couldn’t trust myself in an environment like this. Before I even knew it, my phone was dialling my mum.

“Wow, I forgot I raised a cowgirl,” She laughed “How is it going?”
“It's going okay, we’re at a bar right now, like a really aggressively American bar. I just came out for a smoke” I hope I'm hiding my upset enough.
“Is it exactly what you imagined?” she asked excitedly for me.
“It is. Tell me what's going on at home?” I need something to distract my mind.

There is always something going on, it’s part of the reason iIran away from it all, but right now I need to hear something other than my own thoughts. As she started telling me stories of the never-ending dramas of my family, I heard the bar door open and those footsteps.

I looked up as they came towards me and signalled that I was on FaceTime. I expected him to walk away, but instead he sat down next to me and smiled. He did not attempt to speak, yet his presence gave me a feeling of comfort immediately.

“Lainey, are you listening? Wait, who are you smiling at? A cowboy?” She joked.
“Yes, ma’am”, Rip spoke, catching me off guard and popping his head into the frame.
“Rip Wheeler, nice to sort of meet you” he lifted his hat in respect, which made me laugh that he still felt the need to do it even through the phone.

“Fucking hell Lainey, he is the most your type man I have ever seen, as old as you like them too” my mum exclaimed.
“Amazing, thank you for that, mum. I'll speak to you tomorrow,” I said as I closed my eyes with embarrassment.
“Bye, Mrs Cruft”, Rip shouted as I ended the call.

“I see where you learnt your cussing from”, the cowboy next to me smirked with the usual pick between his teeth.
“Oh, I learnt most of my bad traits from her,” I said quietly as I looked out onto the street, falling into my thoughts again and lit a cigarette.

We sat in comfortable silence for a minute. I felt small next to the man who was still towering over me even when sitting on the floor. I tried to steal a glimpse at him just to find him staring down at me as he usually is, earning me another smirk.

“I like your dress”, he whispered whilst his eyes trailed all over me.
“I didn’t realise you had tattoos”, he focused on the art covering my legs below the knee.

He reached out to touch my skeleton cowboy smoking a cigarette, complete with red heart-shaped eyes. He hesitated, waiting for permission before actually touching my skin.

“Go ahead”, I permitted him.

His fingertips softly traced the tattoo, leaving goosebumps on my legs from the touch. There's no way he isn’t feeling what I am when our skin touches. I’ve never felt anything like it before with any man. Maybe I’m actually just going crazy.

“Did it hurt?” he asked curiously.
“Fuck yeah it hurt, they all hurt, anyone who says otherwise is a liar. You don’t have any?” I asked, intrigued.
“No, a lot of permanent marks, but no tattoo”, the cowboy replied, still tracing mine. Staring at his hands is becoming a habit of mine, one I don’t mind.

Big hands have always been an issue for me when it comes to men, they’ve always been attached to massive dickheads too. None of them had ever touched me this gently.

“Come on, let's get back inside. I know you don’t wanna tell me about it, but will you stick with me so I can help you tonight?” Rip asked as he searched my face for any sign of me opening up.
“I thought that was my only option anyway, after the way you shut down that guy?” I asked with a sarcastic head tilt.
“It wasn’t going to work out in his favour anyway”, he answered matter-of-factly.

“How do you know? I didn’t even get a chance to answer him” A smile broke out on his face as he helped me up.
“You heard, I'm exactly your type, that poor boy never stood a chance”, he grinned.
“She was just trying to embarrass me, don’t get yourself excited. My type changed, it wasn’t good for me” I gave my best attempt at a sincere smile.
“As old as you like them, huh?” the usually grumpy cowboy teased, nudging my arm.

As he held the door to the bar open for me, it was soon clear something was wrong. The vibe had changed completely in the minutes we were outside, the tension in the air is thick now, and I’m back in panic mode.

“Rip!” Lloyd shouted with blood coming from his nose as a bar stool came hurtling towards us, closely followed by a man sprinting towards us wielding a pool cue.

As I looked around, all I could see were fights. Every person in there, other than the bartender, was fighting. Drunk fighting.

“Lainey! Move!” Rip shouted as he tried dragging me out of the way.

Lifting me as he realised there was no movement in me at all. He placed me down as he went towards the man with the pool cue. Just as he swung at Rip, he was down on the floor as Rip laid into him, punch after punch.

“What the fuck is going on?” Rip shouted to anyone who could hear him.

All I could do was stand frozen on the spot, all the trauma of drunk, abusive men coming back to me. Frozen with fear, I couldn’t take my eyes away from Rip watching him tear every one of the men attacking the Yellowstone down.

How could the man who just sat gently tracing my tattoos with his fingertips have this in him to come out at any second? All the feelings I had about him had gone just like that. I have spent too much time around men who could snap at the drop of a pen to ever be able to feel comfortable in his presence again.

After what felt like a lifetime of watching the violence unfold in front of me, I felt the power come back to my feet and ran out of there. I hid behind the truck with my hands over my ears and my eyes squeezed shut in an attempt to rid the panic from me. I didn’t know how long I had been standing there when the panic came back again when I felt hands grab me.

“Lainey! Lainey!” I could hear Rip's voice, which made me flinch and cower from his touch, my eyes filling with tears.
“Fuck Lainey, I'm sorry I'm so sorry c’mon look at me” but the sight of him with blood dripping from his busted lip only made it worse.

Feeling me shaking and trying to pull away, he let go, removing his cowboy hat to run his hand through his curly hair. I want to look at his face, but I can’t do it. If I see the anger in his eyes, I’ll lose any of the self-control I’m managing to hold on to right now.

“Lainey, please, it's me, you’re okay”, he whispered gently to me.
“You’re scaring me,” I whimpered.

“Fuck! Someone help me get Lainey into the truck,” Rip pleaded to the cowboys who were pretending not to see what was going on. Lloyd came straight towards me, gently gesturing me towards the truck and opening the door.

“Everyone else in the bed, just me and Lainey in the truck,” Rip spoke angrily, yet with a hushed tone.
“Lloyd, don’t leave me, please” I grabbed onto his shirt.

I glanced over at Rip quickly, and the devastation was painted on his face. He knew this wasn’t going to be an easy fix. I’m not sure I want him to fix it, I’m not sure I want to even be in the same room as him again.

“If that's what you want”, Rip accepted my demand with sadness laced in his voice and his head down.

Chapter Text

Unknown Number: Lainey, it’s Rip, I’m sorry
Unknown Number: Let me know when you’re awake. I need to talk to you.

Waking up to the texts on my phone made it all come back to me again., I closed my eyes and let myself drift back off to sleep, avoiding the thoughts.

My eyes opened slowly, and the sound of hushed voices outside my door put me on edge all over again. I want to go back to sleep again, but I want to know what’s being said at the same time. I hope John isn’t a part of this now. I don’t want him rethinking the whole thing.

“You fucking idiot, you just can’t help yourself can you?” Beth scolded.
“I know, I fuckin’ know, Beth, but right now I’m more concerned about her”, Rip whispered.
“Daddy’s guard dog has feelings for something other than The Yellowstone?” She teased.
“I’m not fuckin’ getting into it with you today, I just want to know she’s okay,” Rip pleaded.

“From what I’ve heard about last night, there's a good reason she isn’t responding to you, and you storming in there isn’t gonna help” Beth spoke sense.
“You didn’t see her, she was practically unconscious in the truck. Wouldn’t wake up, I had to carry her upstairs,” the gruff cowboy whispered with sadness.
“Yeah, and you sat next to her bed all night, go home and get some fucking sleep or something useful. I’ll speak to her when she wakes up,” Beth demanded.

“I thought you were meant to be out of town?” Rip changed the subject.
“Trip got delayed, I’m flying out this evening instead. Glad it did, never got to see you having any feelings other than anger and annoyance before” I could hear the smirk on her face.
“Will you please just let me know how she is?” Rip said, frustrated with the conversation.
“I will now go. Your uneasiness in this house makes me need a drink,” Beth teased.

I waited until I heard the noise of Rip leaving the house before throwing on a hoodie to make an attempt to get some nicotine in my system.. Beth was still standing outside, leaning against the wall with her head back.

“Hey there, you have a lot of cowboys worried about you, one especially worried. How are you doing?” she asked with sincerity.
“I don’t remember much other than the actual fighting, yet I’m exhausted like it was me who was fighting” I tried to make light of the previous night's events.
“You look like shit, you don’t have to make it a joke with me. You were fucked up from it all and you can talk to me” Beth stated honestly.

“Thank you for that, well, not the first half. I don’t react well to alcohol, drunk men, especially angry drunk men, so it was a recipe for disaster,” I sighed.
“I know you might not want to be near him right now, but I’ve never seen him like this. He looks like a sad puppy that's been kicked across a room,” she laughed.

“I don’t want to see him right now, or any time soon, really”, I admitted.

“You don’t have to right now, he did sit on the floor next to your bed for eight hours straight, though. I’m not taking his side, he was a fucking prick, but you should know that” She gave me a sad smile.
“I’m just gonna have a day to myself if that's okay? Get a head start on editing photos”, I need an escape from talking about this.
“I’ll be around until 6 PM, need anything, then come and see me”, Beth said kindly as she rubbed my shoulder.

I snuck downstairs for a cigarette and then quickly retreated to my room before I could be spotted by anyone. I can’t shake the shame of knowing all of them saw me break down like that last night. It's not the first time it's happened, but never in front of so many people, and I didn’t want my past life to follow me here.

As soon as people realise just how fucked up I am people get freaked out and disappear. I didn’t want anything like that to happen here, the whole project is based on building good relationships with everyone around me to get the best images and now I’ve fucked it up.

Another thing on my mind is just how well I’ll be able to throw myself into being around all the cowboys again. I can deal with the fact that all of them had a little fight themselves, but I don’t think I have the ability to lose the feeling of fear around Rip with the way he walked in, not knowing what had happened and still took down every single one of those men.

I know my best attempt is going to have me walking on eggshells, terrified that he is going to lose his temper with me for anything, no matter how small. My plans of spending some evenings in the bunkhouse now feel squashed at the worry of Rip being worse after having some alcohol in his system. I’ve spent the majority of my life with these fears, which is most of the reason that I had to move away from home. I couldn’t live in that fear anymore.

I have another seven weeks on this ranch. I felt his eyes on me all the time before, how do I deal with it being laced with fear on my side now? I debated packing up and heading home for an hour before I decided I wasn’t going to let him ruin this project I’d been dreaming of for years. I’m going to complete it and avoid Rip Wheeler as much as possible.

Knowing he slept by my bed all night to make sure I was okay keeps lying on my mind, maybe he isn’t as bad as some of the men in my past life, but it's not a chance I feel like I can take. There is going to be fear in the back of my mind every time I see him.

I spent the next couple of hours uploading all the images I had captured so far on the trip. Unfortunately for me, it was hard to avoid Rip Wheeler when it seemed I had made it a task for myself to take as many photos of him as possible.

After organising them into albums, I focused on the ones of Jimmy fighting for his life, taped onto the back of a horse. I laughed audibly at the look of terror on his face, but my attention soon got pulled to the cowboy in the corner of the photo staring directly at me. All the wranglers were laughing together, but he never looked away from me with his signature smirk plastered on his face.

Why is it always the most handsome ones that fuck you up the most? I asked myself. Especially after our sweet moments last night minutes before it all went to shit. When I thought about it, I could almost feel his fingertips tracing the ink on my skin all over again.

Looking away from the photos, I remembered the disposable cameras I bought in town. Well, Yellowstone bought anything in that store goes on the company credit card. Ryan argued with me as I tried to pay for them myself. I got them out of the bag and got to labelling them.

Each of the wranglers will have one, except for Rip. Not because of what happened, but because I knew he wouldn’t be interested and would probably be annoyed I was giving them all a distraction anyway. In the store, I had made sure to grab a few more than I needed because there was bound to be an accident with them in the environment we’re in, so it meant I could have one too.

I waited until I knew dinner was over and that the cowboys would be done with work for the evening, meaning Rip would have gone back to the Foremans' house. I headed downstairs and found the plate of leftovers Gator had left for me, probably Beth’s idea before she left for a few days.

I sat on the porch to watch the sunset for a minute before I made my way over. I was glad I had when the silhouette of Rip appeared from the barn and walked in the direction of his house. The last thing I wanted was to see him today, it was too soon.

I walked over slightly out of the way of my usual path in the hopes that I wouldn’t be spotted by him. Showing my face to the rest of the cowboys seemed like the best idea to make sure our relationships didn’t change too much. Maybe if they see me being normal today, it will cloud their memories of last night, so we can move on.

As I approached the bunkhouse, I could hear the usual noise going on inside, a few beers down and a poker game started, which was my prediction. As soon as I opened the door and the wranglers realised it was me, it fell quiet, making me cringe.

“Lainey! We missed you today!” Ryan shouted across the room.
“I had on my good shirt for you, too,” Lloyd added.

My anxiety lifted slightly, but I still felt awkward knowing that they were trying so hard to make it feel normal. It could be worse, though, they could have just completely ignored me and given all of their loyalty to Rip, but it doesn’t seem to be this way.

“I’m sorry about last night. I just wanted to come over to hand you all one of these”, I lifted the bag of disposable cameras to show them.
“Well shit I haven’t seen one of them since I was about ten years old” Walker shouted.
“Well, there’s one for all of you, they’re labelled so there’s no argument”, I smiled, knowing Jimmy was going to end up in some type of spat over them.

“I thought it would be nice for all of you to take some pictures of your day-to-day life and what you like on the ranch. Some of them I’ll put in the project too for a different perspective,” I explained.
“Oh fuck yeah, games on,” Colby exclaimed.
“None of you even need to take a photo, they’ll all be from my perspective”, Jimmy said smugly.
“What from a saddle you’re taped in?” Colby replied, making us all laugh.

It felt good to laugh. I appreciate the fact that none of them asked questions. We’ve moved on, and I’m grateful for it. I started placing all the cameras down on the table so they could grab their own. Suddenly, the bunkhouse door swung open.

“One more thing for tomorrow…” Rip's gruff voice filled the room, then stopped before the end of his sentence when he saw me at the table.
“Oh, Lainey, I didn’t realise you were here,” he said lower clearing his throat.

“Lainey, you wanna help me with the first shot?” Walker asked, standing up, sensing the fear and helping me find an escape.

I nodded and he grabbed his guitar and then my hand to lead me out. I could see Rip’s jaw clench, his eyes focused on where our hands met each other. I didn’t feel anything from Walker’s touch. A part of me hoped there would be something, so that I could just completely move on from Rip. Walker practically pulled me out of the door past Rip and walked us across to the hill.

“Sorry for dragging you a bit, could feel the fear coming off ya”, he spoke as we sat down.
“Sorry about that, there goes my attempt at being normal tonight,” I half laughed.
“You’re all good, it’s this place, you can feel the evil covering the land” he avoided looking at me.
“What do you mean by that? Evil?” I asked curiously.

“From the moment I stepped foot on this land, it's felt wrong, something's haunting this place, and I don’t wanna find out what,” he answered as he looked across the vast amount of land in front of us.
“Why don’t you leave if you don’t like it?” I asked.
“Tried that once, didn’t go so well for me. I’m here whether I like it or not” A flash of anger covered his face.
“You’re grown, you can do what you want?” earned me a laugh from the southern cowboy.

“What type of songs do you like?” he asked whilst tuning his guitar.
“Sad mostly, but I don’t wanna put my sad on anyone else”
“Sad is my expertise, you ain’t putting anything on me,” Walker spoke gently.

Walker started playing a song which matched my emotions perfectly at this moment. As the sad words continued, I looked out to the mountains and let myself enjoy the moment, knowing that I had to walk back down to the bunkhouse soon, and I had no doubts Rip was waiting around for us.

“Make ya feel better?” Walker smiled.
“If I could pick, then I would want to do this every evening”, I laughed.
“Well, you know where I am when you need me, darlin'. C'mon, let's see if the coast is clear,” he gestured down to the bunkhouse.

Walker grabbed my hand again when we saw Rip standing outside, leaning on the wall. There's a guilty feeling inside of me, and I’m not sure what for. I know I haven’t done anything wrong, yet Walker’s sin on mine feels wrong.

“Take your fucking hands off her” Rip growled.
“I’m just helping the girl, wouldn't need to if you could behave yourself”, Walker bit back.
“C'mon, you got something to say, Walker? You know the rules,” Rip smirked sinisterly.

“I ain't trying to fight you, Rip” Walker sounded bored with the way this was going.
“Sure fucking seems like it” Rip shouted before reaching Walker's shirt and pulling him on the ground away from me making me flinch.

It fell silent when both cowboys realised I was back in the same situation again.

“See Rip, you fuckin’ idiot, all those sorry’s from today and you made it worse again”, Walker shouted from the ground,
“Fuck, Lainey” Rip whispered stepping forward to catch my arm as I turned away.

I immediately froze and felt myself start shaking. Rip noticed and let go as fast as he could. I want him far away from me right now, yet there's a small part of me that just wants to melt into his touch.

“Please, Lainey, I’m sorry. Fuck, I keep fucking this up. Please just talk to me so I can explain myself. You said you were scared of me last night. I need to change that,” he pleaded quietly.

“C'mon, Lainey, I’ll walk you back to the main house,” Walker interjected.

I turned to look at the cowboy pleading for my forgiveness, upset, clear all over his face.

“Please talk to me, Darlin”, he whispered.

I gave him a small smile and turned to follow Walker up the path.

Chapter Text

One thing about me is that when things go bad, I'm going to sleep like a baby. I've come to realise it's my brain's way of allowing me to have a break from everything circling my mind. I'm thankful for it, it’s about the only kind thing my brain does for me.

I stood under the hot water in the shower for far too long, preparing myself for the day ahead. Every time I closed my eyes, I could see Rip’s devastated expression on his face, but I had fallen for that too many times before.

I think the best move from here is to be polite and avoid him as much as possible when we’re confined to this ranch together. The last thing I want is to face the anger I saw in him that night, directed at me.

I braided my hair to keep it out of my face and threw on some black jeans and my cowboy killers vest. It always makes me laugh that it’s a Marlboro packet and that is my poison of choice, whilst I can’t touch anything else.

I walked down to the dining room to grab some breakfast, slower than usual, knowing that Beth wasn’t going to be here to throw venom across the table if Jamie sat there.

“Good morning, Lainey, how are you doing today?” John asked with suspicion, which threw me off.
“Yeah, I'm okay, thank you. How are you doing, John?” I avoided getting deeper into my mood.
“Yeah, good, there is something I would like to talk to you about, Lainey” I knew the suspicion was there.

“Sure, what would that be?” I cringed.
“I heard about what happened at the bar, well it was pretty damn clear looking at all the bruises. I heard you took it hard?” he asked casually before eating the eggs Gator had prepared.
“Word spreads fast around here, huh?” I tried to joke.

“I just wanted to ask if you could keep that out of your project. We don’t need any more eyes pointing here,” John admitted.
“Oh, yeah, of course. Don’t need to worry about that, I assure you I didn’t have time to get a camera out and I didn’t photograph any of the guys yesterday,” I said, relieved that the conversation was less about me and more about his worries.

“Well, that didn’t take long”, Jamie spat out as he entered the room and took his seat.
“What's that supposed to mean, son?” John spat.
“A week and you’re already having to beg her to keep things quiet. Things that wouldn’t have been seen if you didn’t agree to this bullshit” He rolled his eyes.
“Stop yourself right there, how many times do I have to tell you, Jamie? My God,” John sounded tired of the comments from his son.

“Jamie, you do know I'm not some secret super spy enemy, right?” I joked.
“I'll just take your word for it then?” Jamie replied sarcastically.
“I'm here for a photography project, not some big journalist piece. I'm here to capture the life of ranching and cowboys, I'm not trying to uncover anything. You don’t even have to worry about you being in the project, haven’t seen you on a horse or wearing anything other than a suit” I couldn’t resist putting a small dig in there about how out of place his suits are here.

John didn’t hide the amusement on his face from me. I’m not going to back down from Jamie's anger at my presence, he needs to get used to me being here.

“Well, that told you, Son”, John laughed. “C'mon, Lainey, I'll walk down to the bunkhouse with you” he stood from the table and made his way to the front door.

“Listen, I'm sorry about him. I don’t know how he turned out the way that he has.” John looked genuinely confused.
“I'm sure if you put me and my sister in a room together, the rest of the room would be saying that same thing, so don’t worry about it”, I joked.

The conversation is much lighter as we walk over to the barn. John chose to fill me in on bits of history about the land we’re walking on. It’s clear how much love he has for this place, it’s a passion I don’t see from either of his children so far.

“Lloyd, come over here” Lloyd stopped what he was in the middle of and made his way towards us without a thought.
“Morning, boss, Miss Lainey”, Lloyd tipped his hat.
“Could you excuse us for a moment, Lainey?” John asked.
“Sure, I'll go check up on Bubba” I turned and walked away.

“Thanks for letting me know about everything at the bar, I spoke to her this morning and she seems okay”, John spoke quietly, hoping Lainey couldn’t hear as she made her way towards the barn.
“Of course, Sir, the girl's issue seems to be with Rip. Seems really scared around him now. He keeps saying sorry to her, haven’t heard him say those words since he was a boy” Lloyd joked.
“Well shit, it's clear in the way he looks at her this is the last thing he wanted ain’t it?” the elder Dutton said frustrated.

“Yes Sir, damn nearly ripped Walker's head off yesterday for touching her hand” Lloyd admitted.
“Can you keep an eye on it all? Keep her with you today, and I'll go out with Rip and the rest of them and speak to him about it,” John instructed.
“You got it, boss, I'll take Lainey and Walker out today. Think it best they all avoid each other,” he nodded.
“Thanks, Lloyd. Fucking lovesick cowboys are always a mess. Didn’t think it would happen to Rip,” John laughed.

“Hey there, Bubba. We’re gonna go out today, I've missed you,” I cooed at the beautiful horse in the stable in front of me.
“I'm pretty sure they’re talking about me out there. Is it wrong for me to spy?” I whispered to the horse.
“You’re right, Bubba, I'll look away.” I froze when I heard someone laugh behind me.

“He likes you”, Rip stated, so I gave him a small smile.

He was leaning against the stable closest to the door with his arms crossed as if he was having to fight his body not to walk over to me. There's still a layer of pain on his face that I didn’t expect to see today. I thought he would have just been over it.

“Lainey, can I?”

“Rip, come over here.” John's voice interrupted, earning a frustrated sigh from the cowboy in front of me before he walked away.

“Lloyd is taking Lainey and Walker with him today, up to pasture 45 to check the fencing. You and everyone else with me,” John informed them.
“Yes, Sir”, Rip replied, sounding defeated as he watched Walker make his way over to me and Lloyd.

“Let's get Bubba saddled up for you,” Lloyd spoke cheerily as the others set off towards the mountains.

Rip hung behind for a second, looking at me before he set off to catch up with the rest of the cowboys. I had started to like feeling his eyes on me, but now it just makes me feel uncomfortable in my skin. Almost like I want to hide to escape the intensity of it.

The three of us rode through the most beautiful scenery for over an hour before we arrived at the spot. It is hard to believe places like this exist in real life, untouched and at the hands of nature. It's hard to believe it belongs to one man, too. I've always been pretty sure I'll never manage to own my own house, yet this one man has more land than my entire hometown in his back garden.

We tied the horses up and the two cowboys got to work whilst I couldn’t stop being in awe of the nature around us. I took a couple of pictures of them both working on the fences, and then offered to help them.

“That's not what you’re here for, sweetheart, you continue enjoying yourself”, Lloyd laughed.
“You just make sure you get some badass-looking pictures of us,” Walker added.
“Whilst we’re here, I can take some proper portraits of you both if you’re up for that?” I smiled.

“Sure, that moustache of his needs documenting. Think he’s the only person left in the whole country with one like that,” Walker teased.
“This is a real cowboy’s moustache, none of this full beard stuff in my era”, Lloyd joked back.
“Yeah, 'cos your era was the 1800’s” Walker laughed.

As the younger cowboy finished up his work on the fence me Lloyd and I walked over to the horses to take some of the portraits.

“Now it's just us, Lainey, I'd like to apologise for the behaviour at the bar”, the older cowboy spoke sincerely.
“It’s okay, we don’t have to talk about that anymore”, I tried to shut it down.
“I want to give you a proper explanation,” Lloyd said as he started unbuttoning his shirt, leaving me confused as to what was about to happen.

He pulled his open shirt to the left to show me the Y he had branded into his chest right on his heart. It looked old, like it had been on his chest for decades, yet it still stood out like nothing I’ve ever seen before.

“Wait, is that the…”
“The Yellowstone. Yes Ma’am. Anyone with one of these has to protect this place no matter what. This is our home until we die, and sometimes that means doing things that ain’t pretty,” Lloyd started explaining.

“All of you have one?” I couldn’t hide the shock on my face.
“No, only some of us. Rip is one of them, he got his real young, this place is all he knows, and he would die to protect it,” Lloyd explained with a trace of sadness about Rip.
“So what you saw at the bar wasn’t just anger, it was him doing his job, sweetheart. Any attack on Yellowstone is something he needs to sort out, especially as the Foreman. He has to live up to the brand, there ain’t no other option” He spoke softly.

Now I can see why Jamie didn’t want me snooping around the place, there is more to this ranch than meets the eye. I suddenly felt guilt over not letting Rip explain this to me himself, but how much does it change if he has to act that way whenever trouble appears?

“Rip ain’t a bad man, what he does is to protect this place, and whilst you’re here, that includes you. He would never lay a hand on a woman, definitely not you, Lainey. You ain’t gotta forgive him, but you ain’t never got to be scared of him” He placed a hand on my shoulder.

Lloyd looked like a sad father trying to protect his son, which touched my heart. I don’t think there is anyone in the world who would try and defend me like this. These cowboys are a family, a dysfunctional one, but I'm not one to talk about that.

“Walker, is this why you said you couldn’t leave? You have the brand, too?” I shouted across to him.
“Yes, ma’am, whether I liked it or not. I'm here forever now,” he spoke with a hint of anger about it.
“Some people didn’t have a choice?” I asked Lloyd with confusion visible on my face.
“There's a lot more to it than I can explain, Lainey, everyone who has one has one for a different reason”, Lloyd explained.

Walker finished with his fence, and I snapped some portraits of him before we headed back to the ranch. My mind ran in circles the full ride back. The only decision I made was that I would let Rip say what he wanted to say to me, and then I would move from there. I don’t see myself being able to get back to where we were before, but Lloyd’s words about never needing to be scared of Rip kept playing in my mind.

The ride went fast as I was so distracted, and we were soon unsaddling the horses for the day.

“He’s gonna be waiting for ya, up to you if you speak to him or not,” the old cowboy reassured me as we made our way to the bunkhouse.

“Hey, Lainey! I got an incredible photo for you today,” Ryan spoke excitedly with that same golden retriever energy.
“How do you even know that? You can’t see the photo?” Jimmy shot him down.
“You’re just pissy because you know you don’t stand a chance of your photos going anywhere,” Ryan bit back.

The whole exchange made me laugh. I knew the disposables would be a good idea, and I can’t wait to see what any of them capture. It’s a long time away, but I’m already excited for it. As the wranglers continued to argue amongst themselves about their cameras, Rip made his way over to me from the far side of the room.

“They’ve argued about those things all day. I noticed there wasn’t one with my name on?” The usually bold cowboy spoke with a shyness I hadn’t seen before.
“I didn’t think you’d want one. I thought you would think it was stupid,” I spoke quietly.
“I think those lot are stupid, not you and your ideas”, he seemed shocked that I would think that of him.

“Oh, sorry, I wasn’t doing it out of spite”, I felt bad.
“You can do whatever you want to me, but it is nicer when you’re speaking to me”, Rip spoke quietly, “you wouldn’t happen to have a spare one I can write my name on?”
“I did get some spares, they’re over at the main house.” I looked over in that direction.

Rip seemed lost on what to say now, like he had practised what to say before I arrived and now he’d run out of lines. In a previous circumstance, it would have made me laugh at him, but now I'm lost on what to say.

“I can go get you one if you want?” I asked the usually hard-faced cowboy.
“Only if it's not an issue?” Beth was right, he does look like a puppy who’s been kicked across a room.

“Wanna walk over with me?” I threw out a shot in the dark. In a second, his expression had changed completely, and his signature smirk had come out.

I started walking to the door when Lloyd pulled me to the side.

“Remember what I said, you never have to be scared of him”, he whispered so none of the other cowboys or Rip could hear. I gave him a nod and turned to gesture for Rip to follow me.

We were barely even out of the door before Rip spoke.

“Lainey, I'm so sorry for making you scared. God, that was the last thing I ever wanted,” he pleaded.
“Let's just walk, we can talk when we get there” I needed the walk over to think about what I wanted to say to him.

The silence was deafening as we walked up the hill together, the distance between us could fit at least three people. I appreciated his efforts to make sure I didn’t feel uncomfortable, even though it was my idea to walk together.

“Over here?” I asked, pointing at the two chairs sitting under a large tree just in front of the main house.
“Wherever you want, Darlin”, Rip agreed.
“Then just here is fine”, I replied.

I waited a second, collecting my thoughts before I spoke. I really didn’t want to mess it up and let my emotions get in the way.

“Lloyd showed me his brand. Told me a bit about yours, too, Rip. I think I get it, but honestly, I'm still stuck on how all that anger came out of you without a second of thinking,” I decided not to hold anything back, we are only going to have the conversation once.

“I grew up with angry men all around me who could snap with no warning signs, and I have been on the receiving end of that too many times to count. I have the scars to prove it, physically and mentally,” I explained.

“I'm real sorry. I ain’t never considered how it looks to anyone on the outside before. You saying I scared you hit me like a shovel, especially now you’re telling me why.” he dragged his hands through his dark, curly hair.

“It ain’t something I talk about to anyone, but I grew up the same. He killed them because I wasn’t brave enough to stop him. I killed him. Swore I would never let anyone hurt my people again. The brand shows my commitment to that promise and this place,” he let out a heavy exhale.

“You’re here as part of the Yellowstone. I would never hurt you, Lainey. Ever. Would I tear down anyone who tried to hurt you here? Without a second thought. I want to rip the fucking heads off the people who have hurt you and made you scared in the past. I will never be able to say you won’t see me like that again, but it will never in this world be directed at you. It would only ever be to protect you. All I wanna do is protect you,” He confessed.

I sat with his words, making sure I took everything in before I spoke.

“There hasn’t been a single person on this earth who ever wanted to protect me before, and I don’t quite believe someone would ever want to”, I replied with sadness laced in my voice.
“Without a thought, I would do anything to protect you, Little Miss Lainey.” he stroked my hand with his thumb, sending goosebumps up my arms.
“Please, whilst you’re here, trust me. I know it's hard and everything in your head is going to tell you not to, but I'm the one person you can let go of the fear with,” Rip pleaded.

“You sat by my bed all night?” I asked, catching him off guard.
“Beth told ya? I would sit by your bed every night if it meant you could trust me again,” he smiled sadly.
“Okay, Edward Cullen”, I laughed.
“I have no idea who the fuck that man is, but I mean it. Every night”, he looked confused, but completely genuine in his words. Something I had never seen from a man before.

“You don’t have to do that, but I appreciate the sentiment, and I'm so sorry for everything that happened to you that turned you into this person. Though, if I wake up and you’re sat next to my bed in the morning it's going to freak me the fuck out and I'm not a morning person.” this earned me one of Rip’s rare hearty laughs.
“I know how well you take being scared, darlin’”, he referred to the events in the barn.

“What you did to Walker last night was out of order, you can’t just attack him for no reason” I need him to know I won’t stand for that.
“There was a reason he touched you”, Rip interrupted.
“He was helping me out, he didn’t touch me for no reason, Rip. You can’t treat someone like that because they were being nice to me,” I explained.

“Walker’s a prick, you’ll see that. I don’t ever want to see him with his hands on you,” he looked disgusted at the thought of it.
“He’s one of my friends here. I don’t know what previous arguments you’ve had, but you do not need to attack him for being kind to me. That isn’t protecting me. Deal?”I gave him a look to let him know how serious I am.

“Deal. He’s still a bastard, and I can’t say that I won’t have another run-in with him, though,” Rip sighed, making his disdain for Walker clear.

“Thank you for hearing me out, you not talking to me was worse than being bucked off 100 Broncos in a row”, he spoke relieved.
“How cowboy of you. I'm sorry for not doing it earlier,” I smiled at Rip as he looked down at me, giving me his usual intense gaze.

“You don’t ever have to apologise to me. You sure took me for a ride,” he laughed.
“You’re obsessed with making references about me riding, aren’t you?” I joked about the seriousness of the conversation away.

“Sure am darlin”, Rip replied with a dirty smirk and a wink.

Chapter Text

After my talk with Rip last night, I joined John for dinner and then spent the evening in my room. After all the emotions of the past few days, I felt I was entitled to spend a few hours doom-scrolling on my phone. After a couple of hours, I had called it a night as something just felt off, something I couldn’t place.

I woke up to my usual alarm that I now automatically had set for every morning, so we didn’t end up with any repeats of when Rip had to come and wake me up. Twice is too many times for me to wake up with him outside of my bedroom door.

As soon as I woke up properly, I felt that same off feeling I had last night. Before I knew it, my heart was racing and I felt like I was drowning. Gasping for air, the room started feeling like it was closing in on me, worsening the panic.

It had been months since I last had a panic attack, and at this moment, I couldn’t remember how to get myself out of it straight away. All I could focus on was the fact that I could not breathe, no matter how hard I was trying.

The words of one of my past therapists came to my mind,
“It's just like doing some heavy exercise, Lainey, the breathing is the same, just tell yourself you’ve finished a workout and regulate your breathing that way”.

After a couple of minutes, which felt like a lifetime, I seemed to be calming down, taking deep breaths, slow and easy. My mind was still racing, trying to figure out what could have triggered this for me after so long.

The only thing I could think to blame it on straight away was the emotion and trauma the past few days had brought back, but I know that isn’t how my body usually responds. It has to be something specific.

I got myself up off the bed and into the shower and turned it to the coldest it would go. The shivering from the cold usually switches my brain off for a few minutes, and that is exactly what I need right now.

I stared at myself in the mirror, questioning how my brain manages to destroy every good thing in my life. Everything was okay with Rip and everyone else now, but why would it do this to me?
I looked like a ghost, with bags under my eyes and my skin pale, showing every blemish.

With the feeling of doom still circling me, I knew I needed to spend today hiding. I wasn’t up to seeing anyone with the chances of another panic attack hitting at any point being inevitable.

I threw some joggers and a sweatshirt on and headed downstairs to catch John before he left for the day.

“Hey John, just thought I would let you know I'm not feeling the best today, so I'm just going to stay around the house if that's cool?” I put on my best fake smile.
“If you don’t mind me saying, you don’t look well, hun. Take the day, and I hope you feel better soon,” he said with concern.
“I have to head across town today. If there's anything you need, you can contact Rip,” he placed his cowboy hat on his head and made his way out the door.

I waited a couple of minutes until I heard the truck pull away before heading onto the porch for a smoke to try and calm down my nerves. I could see all the wranglers getting a start on their day from where I sat. I let myself close my eyes to distract my thoughts. My attention was diverted when I heard my phone ping.

Rip Wheeler: Mr Dutton says you’re not feeling well, are you okay?

As I read the text, the date on my lock screen made me freeze.
July 14th.
Mine and James’ anniversary.
Fuck.
That's where the panic is coming from.

I took a deep drag of my cigarette and closed my eyes again, thinking of anything to distract my brain from this information. It couldn’t have been thirty seconds later when I heard a car coming up the driveway. When I opened my eyes, it was a Yellowstone truck.

“Hey, you didn’t reply to my text, so I thought I would check on you”, Rip stated as he got out of the truck.
“Rip, it had literally been a minute since I got it” I tried my best to force a small laugh.
“Well shit, I was worried about you. It's not about, well, me, is it?” Concern was visible all over his face. It was sweet.

“Not you today, cowboy, everything is good between us again,” I reassured him.
“Can I ask what it is then, darlin’?” he asked with his smooth drawl.
“You can, but I'll spare you the details. Today isn’t a good day for me, and my brain is sure letting me know that” I mustered up a fake smile.
“Is there anything I can do to help you with that big brain of yours?” his want to help seemed genuine.

“It’s okay, I'm going to go back to bed and hide from the day I think. Hide from any alcohol, too” I mentally kicked myself for oversharing.
“That's a problem for you, ain’t it? Alcohol?” He looked unsure if he’d overstepped.
“Correct. Near six months sober right now, and today is going to do everything it can to change that, hence me hiding” I rubbed my face aggressively and put my glasses on.

“You have my number. Anything you need today, just give me a call and I'll be here,” he now reassured me.
“Thank you, Rip, I appreciate that. Please don’t be offended if I don’t, though, and sorry for oversharing,” I half laughed.

“I like knowing what's going on in that pretty head of yours. Don’t apologise,” he smiled whilst looking up at me from below the porch.
“Well, no one has ever said that after hearing a bit about my broken brain”, I smiled.
“You just hadn’t spoken to the right person, Lainey. I didn’t know you wore glasses, learn somethin’ new about you every day. You suit them,” he spoke with confidence.

“Broken eyes too, such a catch”, I laughed off the compliment.
“I'm gonna head back under the sheets, I'll probably see you tomorrow, Rip” I could feel the panic beginning again and needed to run.

“Anything at all, call me”, I heard as I quickly made my way back inside the main house.

I ran straight to my room as the drowning sensation started again. I managed to pull myself out of this one faster than the one this morning, remembering the words of my old therapist. Fuck I should have kept working with her instead of running from opening up.

I quickly got changed and put my pyjamas back on so I could force myself back to sleep. No good was going to come from my being awake. My full body was craving alcohol, it was the only thing that would numb my thoughts whilst I was awake. That's exactly the reason why I can’t let myself have any.

After James and I broke up, from me finally waking up to the fact it wasn’t going to be the last time I had bruises because he had a bit too much to drink, it was the only thing that helped me escape the thoughts. One drink turned into needing alcohol every day for four months, which led me to the start of a nervous breakdown. I had not had a drink since that day I woke up in the hospital after my mum found me unconscious in bed, having not heard from me in a week.

The next thing I knew, I woke up to the sun just dipping below the mountains. I reached for my phone to check the actual time, and my whole body started to shake when I saw what was waiting for me.

Rip Wheeler: I hope that brain of yours is being kind to you
Unknown Number: Happy Anniversary, Lanes. I know you’re thinking about me today.

I had changed my number twice since the breakup how the fuck had he managed to find it again? The anger made its way through my veins. My phone pinged again, but I was relieved when I saw what it was.

Rip Wheeler: You okay?

I have two options right now, go and speak to Rip to keep my mind away from it all or head to the bunkhouse and drink until I can’t walk. One sounded more appealing than the other at this moment.

I made the decision so fast I didn’t even change out of my pyjama shorts, I just threw an oversized tee over the top of my sports bra. Crocs on foot and cigarettes in hand, I practically ran out the door to where I knew I would get the help I needed right now.

“Lainey!” Ryan shouted, shocked to see me there.
“How are you feeling, sweetheart? Heard you weren’t well,” Lloyd asked gently.
“All good, thank you, think I was just exhausted. Any whiskey in here?” I asked with a huge smile.

“Look at you just turning up and expecting to drink our best”, Colby laughed as he started pouring the brown liquid into a glass for me.
“Don’t worry, I'll buy it back next time we’re in town, you tight bastard,” I joked back to him.

He slid the drink across the table to me. I watched it with suspicion for a few seconds, knowing what it meant for me to ruin my sobriety. I told myself it was just today, just today is fine. You deserve to be away from your thoughts today, Lainey.

“I didn’t fucking poison it” Colby stated confused yet amused.
“Shut up, that's not what I was thinking. I'm just savouring the smell,” I lied, bringing it up to my nose.

It burned, and I knew it was going to feel amazing as it made its way down my throat. Finally agreeing with my thoughts, I took a sip of it. The feeling of the burn taking over my whole body was enough for me to drink the rest in one sip.

“Jheeze girl, what's the occasion? That was impressive,” Colby laughed as he watched me with shock.
“No occasion, just want to get drunk”, I laughed. I might have overshared with Rip, but no way was I going to let the rest of the guys know about my problems, mainly because I didn’t want them to take the drink away.

“What's a girl gotta do to get another one?” I joked as I looked amongst the cowboys watching me with curiosity.
“Anything for you, Miss Lainey, you heard the girl, get her another and one for me too,” Lloyd laughed.

I couldn’t count how much I have drank if my life depended on it. Every time I looked, the glass was full again, and who was I to turn it down if it was poured for me?
Sitting at the table with my unlit cigarette in my mouth, I tried my best in my intoxicated state, with slurred speech, to teach them all the card games we played when I was at uni. Things were going exactly how I wanted them to until they weren’t.

“Fuck you all” Jimmy screamed slamming his cards down on the table.

His outburst caught me completely off guard and scared me for a second. Flashbacks of James after a few drinks filled my head. I felt the panic coming to me again.

“Gonna head home, it's been a good night, guys. Need to get sleep,” I said as fast as I could, grabbing my phone and getting out of the room just as it felt like it was closing in on me.

I thought about running back to the main house, but knew in my gasping-for-breath state, I wasn’t going to get far. I pulled my phone out, and the time read 11:26 PM. Fuck me the day isn’t even over yet and I'm in this state. Lainey, you fucking idiot I thought to myself between breaths.

The last thing I wanted to do was go back into the bunkhouse, so I did the only thing I could think to do. I knew calling wouldn’t go well with my inability to read, so I tried to type the best I could

Helpp plrase bunkhiuse

No less than ten seconds after I sent it, I saw the door of the Foreman's house almost come off its hinges as Rip started sprinting in my direction. Tears started building in my eyes as I tried to watch the cowboy moving fast towards me.

“Lainey? Is that you?” Rip asked, panicked.
“Rip I fucked up, please don’t be mad” I whispered from the grass I was sitting on, not wanting to meet his eyes.
“What's going on? Wait, are you?” His voice softened.
“Drunk? Sure am,” I answered as the tears spilt out.

“Oh, darlin', what happened? I told you to call me,” Rip asked quietly as he sat down beside me.
“The whiskey was speaking to me from below the hill,” I said slowly, trying not to slur my words as I spoke.
“And then what? How did you end up outside?” he asked whilst tilting my head with his finger to make me look at him.

Words weren’t happening anymore, I began to sob, trying to apologise as I struggled to catch my breath.

“Come here”, Rip spoke gently as he pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around me and gently shushing me.
“It’s okay, you’re gonna be okay, I got you”, he whispered with his head resting on top of mine as his big hands softly, soothingly rubbed my arms.

“I'm sorry, are you mad at me?” was all I could get out.
“Lainey, I'm not mad at you. Worried? Yes. Mad? Definitely not. Just focus on my breathing and calm down,” he cooed.

A few minutes later, my sobs had finally subsided as we sat together, me wrapped in his arms in the field beside the bunkhouse. Even in my drunken state, I know the feeling of being in his arms feels like everything I’ve ever needed.

“How are you feeling now, baby?” Rip asked.
“My head hurts and I'm sleepy,” I said quietly, ashamed of myself.
“C’mon, let's get you to bed. Come with me,” I whimpered from the loss of his touch as he stood up, holding his hand out to me.

“I don’t wanna go back to my room” I looked at him with sad eyes.
“Can we just sleep here?” I asked, earning me a laugh.
“You’re not going back to your room, and we are not going to sleep outside, Little Miss Lainey. We’re gonna go back to my house, ain’t leaving you alone like this,” the once grumpy cowboy said as he wiped a tear off my face.

We walked to Rip’s house slowly, with him trying to keep me upright as even my feet were betraying me in this intoxicated state.

“You head upstairs, I'll bring you some water up”, he instructed.
“I'm sorry, Rip”, I spoke as tears threatened to spill over again.
“I told you, you never have to apologise to me. I'll be just behind you,” he assured me as he held my head in his hands, forcing me to look him in the eye.

He let me go after placing a kiss on my head, making me melt under his touch. I made my way upstairs and I found more doors than I expected. I waited for a second and could hear Rip still in the kitchen, so I decided to open the first door I saw.

I walked into a large room without much decoration. A large bed sitting against the far wall caught my attention. A wooden bedframe with a comfy-looking mattress looked back at me. The sheets were messed up like someone had just got out of them. I sat on the edge of the bed and waited for Rip to catch up with me.

“Hey there, you found my bedroom. I should have pointed you to the spare room,” he joked softly as he stared at me sitting there.
“Oh, sorry, I just went in the first door as I wasn’t sure which room,” I explained.

“You’re welcome in my room whenever you want, baby, but for tonight I'll just take the spare room”, Rip said, unable to take his eyes off me sitting on his bed.

“No, no, this is your room. I'll go to the other one.” I insisted, not wanting to be any more of a pain.
“You’re already on it, you can have it for the night. It's not an issue, I'll set your water down here,” he walked to the bedside table on the left side.

He had brought up two glasses of water with him and continued holding one in his hand.

“C’mon, drink it up, it’ll help the headache”, he gently demanded as he watched me grab it and chug it down.
“Good girl,” he whispered as he watched me, making my cheeks go red.
“Now this one is for during the night”, he placed the second glass down next to me.

“Why are you so nice to me?” I asked curiously.
“That's a question for another day, darlin', I'll just grab some clothes and then will leave you to get some sleep”, he avoided the answer.

“I don’t want to make you feel awkward, but is there any chance you would sleep with me? Not in a weird way, I just don’t want to be alone?” I asked while looking at the floor.

“You sure that's what you want? I don’t want you to wake up in the morning feeling like I took advantage of you or somethin’ baby?” Rip let out a long exhale and rubbed his face.
“I won’t think that, I've sobered up a bit. I'm just not feeling like I can trust my brain to let me sleep tonight” The sadness is clear in my voice.
“If it's what you want, then yes, just let me grab some clothes. I have a t-shirt here if you want it?” he asked as he went through his drawers.

He passed the black t-shirt to me as he made his way to the bathroom to get changed. I put the shirt that smelled just like him on whilst he was in there, suddenly embarrassed that I had left my room so fast earlier that I still had my pyjama shorts on. All my thoughts were distracted as I started laughing at what I saw.

“Huh? What is so funny, Little Miss Lainey?” Rip asked with confused amusement.
“You have pyjama pants”, I continued, laughing at the sight of him in red plaid pyjama pants and a black t-shirt the same as I was now wearing.

“Now what’s funny about that?” he asked with amusement.
“I dunno, I just imagined you slept in your jeans, that's why you had them on so fast when you came to get me,” I said seriously with a big smile.
“You should stop imagining what I sleep in, and don’t you be telling anyone about these super comfy pyjama pants now,” he faked a stern expression as he climbed into bed next to me, turning the light off.

“Thank you for helping me tonight, I owe you,” I said quietly.
“You don’t owe me anything. Any time you call me, I will be right there, darlin’,” he spoke from beside me.
“I'm sleepy now, good night, Rip, thank you”, I smiled.
“You get some sleep, good night, Lainey”, he whispered.

Just as I was drifting off, I spoke again.
“I've never felt this safe in my life”

Chapter Text

The sun shining through the window awoke me gently. As soon as my eyes were open, the pain in my head hit, and I closed them again as fast as I could. All the memories of last night and my stupid decision to go to the bunkhouse came back to me. I don’t know how I’m going to look Rip in the eye after he saw me in that state.

Wait.

Rip.

I opened my eyes again and adjusted to the light, the killer headache I had focused on had distracted every other feeling, and I somehow missed the situation I was currently in. I am currently laid practically on top of Rip fucking Wheeler.

My head is laid on his chest, and one of my legs is hitched over his with my hand in his black t-shirt resting on his stomach. One of his arms is wrapped around me, holding me close to him, and his other hand is resting on top of his t-shirt, trapping my hand that is under it.

I slowly tilted my head to look up at him to see him sleeping peacefully. For a man with such a hard exterior and face to everyone else, him asleep is one of the cutest things I have ever seen. I looked down to assess how tangled together we were for a way to escape without waking him up.

My leg is dangerously close to a specific area of him I don’t want to think about right now. I suddenly felt bad that it had been my idea for us to sleep in the same bed, and now he might wake up to us like this.

I held my breath and started to slowly try and move myself off of him, starting with my hand, which was literally under his clothes. I need to lift my hand instead of moving it down. If I just move it down, then I’m going to have to run my hand across the trail of hair that is leading into his pyjama pants.

I’m not trying to wake up two things right now. Just as I got the courage to start lifting my hand, it was pushed back down by the one on top of it, belonging to the sleepy cowboy I’m using as a pillow.

“Good morning, darlin’”, Rip mumbled sleepily as he tightened his grip on me.
“Good morning, uhm, we seem to be a bit tangled up together. I’m sorry,” I said, frozen in this current position.

“You weren’t even asleep ten minutes before we ended up like this”, Rip laughed, causing me to turn a bright shade of red.
“Oh fuck, sorry, it wasn’t my intention. That's so embarrassing, I’m not even a cuddler,” I replied whilst grimacing.
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that baby, you’ve held on to me all night”, Rip smirked.

“Okay, don’t make it worse,” I tried to laugh it off whilst still trapped under his hold.
“I ain’t complaining,” he said as he closed his eyes again, letting himself take in the moment.

“I’m sorry about last night, Rip, I shouldn’t have put all that on someone else” The shame was clear in my voice.
“Damn, darlin’ will you stop saying sorry? You ain’t got nothing to be sorry about. I’m glad you called me, just wish you had earlier,” he spoke gently whilst his fingertips danced around my arm.

Our quiet moment was interrupted when Rip’s phone started ringing on his bedside table.

“Did you get that phone in the 90s?” I couldn’t hold in the laugh looking at the brick he picked up to answer.
“There's that fire back. It might be older than you”, the still-sleepy cowboy replied with a sarcastic grin.
“What? Fuck, my alarm must have broke or something. Will be there in five,” Rip sighed, ending the call.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been late one time on this ranch”, Rip laughed to himself, giving me another squeeze.
“Shit that's my fault” I felt bad as I started to sit up.
“No, one more minute. Can make it there in four minutes, enough time to drop you at the main house. Haven’t slept this well in forever,” he admitted.

“You want me to mess my life up and need to call you for help more often?” I joked.
“No. No more of that, you come to me or call me and I’ll come to you before it ever gets that bad again. Deal?” he referred back to our previous deal.
“Deal. Well, only for the next few weeks.” I exhaled deeply, wishing I could have Rip around to protect me forever.

He placed a small, gentle kiss on my forehead and let me go so we could both hurry out of the house. I can feel my mask slipping down, that forehead kiss is going to lead to trouble, I can feel it in my bones.

“Where do you want me to leave your t-shirt?” I asked as I grabbed my discarded one from the previous night.
“Keep it” was all he said as he turned to look at me in it.

There was no time for a little argument about a t-shirt, so I nodded and headed out to the truck so I wouldn’t make him any later than I already have. Rip jumped into the driver's seat, having managed to get fully dressed in seconds.

I glanced at him from the passenger seat, his signature jeans, cowboy hat and toothpick making him look as effortlessly hot as he always does. The sex appeal literally flows out of him with no effort needed from him.

“Take a picture, you can stare as long as you want, then”, his smirk plastered on his face, showing his amusement at catching me checking him out.

I grabbed my phone and took a few instead of backing down, which made him laugh more.

“You could have taken one of me, too, but your phone pre-exists cameras”, I teased.

“Thank you, Rip” I undid my seatbelt and placed a kiss on his cheek before jumping out of the truck.

Before I got to the porch, he had turned the truck around and was racing back down the track to get to the barn.

I ran up to my room, hoping I wouldn’t be spotted on my, basically, walk of shame. The coast was clear, so there were no awkward conversations had. I quickly threw my clothes off and put Rip’s t-shirt to one side, making a mental note to give it back to him as well as the disposable camera he requested.

A cold shower was needed to cleanse my brain from the thoughts I was having about Rip. The pet names keep coming, and each one makes me feel like a lovesick teenage girl. Any other man, I would have immediately shut down if they called me ‘baby’, but from Rip, it makes me melt.

Every ‘darlin’ does something to me that I didn’t even know was possible. How did I go from arguing with this man to crushing on him, to being scared of him, to being wrapped up under the sheets with him in just over a week? I want to say I’m breaking every promise I made to myself, but I don’t think he’s older than my dad. I should probably ask him that.

I threw on my usual outfit, which was starting to show signs of ranch wear and tear, and Bubba got everything dirty. I gave myself a couple of minutes to just sit on the porch and smoke. I like this routine of looking out to the bunkhouse and seeing what everyone is up to before I walk over.

I would be lying if I pretended I wasn’t mostly watching Rip, though. Even from a distance, he affects me. I don’t know how much longer I can pretend I don’t want to rip his clothes off, and I have a feeling he’s feeling pretty similar, too.

When I got to the barn, all the cowboys were in the arena competing on their sliding stops. I got there just as Rip was about to have his turn showing off. I got my camera ready and took a few pictures, then lowered it so I could enjoy watching him with my own eyes.

He soaked in the praise, knowing he was the best on the ranch and dismounted to make his way over to me. I had already spent all morning checking him out, and now the sight of him and his swagger whilst wearing his chaps has me practically purring for him.

“Hey there, darlin’, wasn’t sure if you were gonna join us today. How you feeling now?” he asked as if what happened this morning was completely normal.
“Fucked. My head is about to explode. Forced myself out though, don’t want to miss another day,” caused Rip to chuckle at my expense.

“I can’t say I’m surprised. Didn’t sound like you had the most peaceful sleep either, you said a couple of things,” he said quietly so no one could hear.
“Is there anything else I could have done to embarrass myself? Fucking hell. What did I say?” I said with my head in my hands.
“You kept asking someone to stop, think it was James?” The mention of his name made my heart drop, which must have been clear on my face, too.

“Shit, sorry, didn’t mean to upset you, baby. You wanna talk about it?” Rip asked gently.
“Not really, he took up too much headspace yesterday” was all I could muster as a response.
“Ah, that was who yesterday was about? You’ve gotta talk about it, it's even fucking your sleep up” he asked tipping my head with his forefinger to look at him.

“Yeah, I have to talk about it? Okay.” I took a deep inhale frustrated, “James is my ex, the ex who used to beat the shit out of me. Abused me in every way possible. It was worse with the drink, which led me to drink. It was our anniversary yesterday, and he managed to find my new number. Happy?” I couldn’t help the anger that was building up inside of me.

I hadn’t talked about this with anyone, and instead of sadness, anger was my main feeling at the moment about him. Sure, my family know parts of it, but all the details live in my head and they will forever. Rip stepped closer to try and pull me close to him, but I took a step back automatically, and the cowboy’s face softened.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that, my brain was in angry mode, plus there are a lot of people around,” I said, glancing at the cowboys behind us.
“I don’t give a shit about them. C’mere, we both know you like a cuddle,” he humoured, pulling me into him successfully this time.

“I want to kill him. How can I make it better for you?” he whispered, setting his head on top of mine whilst he held me to him.
“By not telling anyone, I don’t want anyone here thinking I’m more fucked up than I’ve already shown I am Rip” I pleaded.
“You’re safe with me, and your secrets are safe with me, baby. I got you,” he reassured me, in a way I haven’t experienced before.

“Sorry, we had to run out in such a rush this morning. I would have made you breakfast,” the once stern cowboy said, annoyed by the inconvenience of work.

I took a step back out of his arms to look up at the man who was saying everything I had ever wanted to hear someone say to me. I gave him a content smile, knowing if I spoke, I would be at risk of crying.

“Hey Lainey, you gonna show us your skills again?” Lloyd shouted from behind us, making us both turn to him.
“Fuck no, not after last night.” I winced from the sunlight, causing Colby and Ryan to snicker.
“Rip, I swear I have never seen anyone manage to drink so much whiskey without even flinching”, Colby shouted over, making my face turn red.
“She’s one of a kind, huh?” Rip said, taking me in from head to toe with a smirk on his face.

“Is anyone going to town? I need to buy you some back,” I said with shame.
“Me and Colby are about to do a quick supply run, join us”, Ryan insisted.

We stopped off at a small gas station surrounded by fields that I insisted I get out to take some pictures of, much to their confusion, the three of us went into the store once I was finished. Surprisingly, the gas station had a bunch of tacky cowboy clothing in there, catering for the small number of tourists that pass through.

“Lainey, check this one out”, Ryan laughed, pointing to a woman's vest with a deep neckline for maximum cleavage showing. White with “cowboy pillows” in red bold writing across the chest.

“Now that would make a good fuckin’ photo”, Colby laughed.
“That's hilarious. Yes. I’ll take one,” made both of the cowboys share a look.
“What?” I laughed.
“I dunno if Rip will be happy about it”, Ryan said, running a hand through his hair.
“Rip doesn’t get to say what I take pictures of, let's do it”, I assured them.

We left the gas station with the $10 vest laughing over what a good photo it’s going to make, then headed to the supply store. I bought 5 new bottles of whiskey and made it as clear as possible in a non-serious way that they were not allowed to let me have any more, blaming it on my current hangover. They dropped me off at the main house, and I joined John Dutton for another incredible meal cooked by Gator.

I headed upstairs and put the vest on, making sure it showed off my cleavage just right and then threw a jumper over the top for the walk to the bunkhouse. I don’t want to have to explain my outfit to anyone, especially John.

“You guys ready?” I asked Ryan and Colby as I walked in with my camera and tripod.
“Well, this looks like a fuckin’ strange setup up” Walker laughed from his bed.
“Ain’t seen nothing yet,” Ryan exclaimed.

I got the camera set just right and took my jumper off, earning an array of wolf whistles from the other wranglers. This is probably a stupid idea. I need to wait a second before my cheeks return to their normal shade instead of this red one.

“None of that, or you can all turn around,” I joked back to them, “this is serious work”, I added with a laugh.

I directed Ryan to the middle of the frame as I focused the camera so I could swap places with him when it was ready. I set the camera to self-timer and ran around to get in position. It was on burst for 30 seconds, so we could try a couple of funny poses.

With me standing in the middle of the frame it was just my torse, no face visible, Colby and Ryan started doing their best poses with their faces next to my boobs so we could capture the real purpose of the stupid slogan on it. Both of the cowboys turned to pout their lips as if going in for a kiss of each boob which had us all laughing our arses off.

“WHAT in the fuck is going on in here?!” Rip shouted from the door that none of us had heard open.

Everyone fell silent, Ryan and Colby clearing their throats from being caught by the boss messing around. This isn’t going to be the easiest to explain, but I don’t think I have to explain when it’s in the name of ‘art’.

“I said he wouldn’t be fucking happy” Colby whispered causing a giggle I couldn’t hold back.

“Serious photography shit is what's going on,” I said laughing causing the rest of them to break back out in laughter again at how stupid the three of us looked.
“Whose idea was this?” Rip demanded.
“Originally or who was the full creative mastermind?” I replied, trying to pretend to be serious.

“Ryan, Colby, sit the fuck down. Lainey, can I have a word with you outside?” Rip asked, changing his tone slightly for me.
“Yes, Daddy”, I replied sarcastically, feeling like a child getting scolded for doing something bad.

Rip inhaled deeply as I walked by him through the door. I was barely outside when he gently pushed me up against the wall.

“Call me that again and your mouth will be so full you won’t be able to say anything,” he growled seductively in my ear, making me gasp, shocked at the sudden change in mood.

He had his arms placed on either side of my head whilst he forced his leg in between mine, separating them. My full body warmed up at the realisation that I am trapped under Rip again, like this morning, but with so much more tension between us.

“It was just a joke, we thought it would be funny,” I said quietly as a smirk broke out on my face, looking down at the vest.
“That is the sexiest fuckin’ thing I have ever seen on this ranch, it ain’t just a joke baby”, Rip whispered in my ear, his breath getting heavier.

He shifted his leg closer to me so it was putting pressure in just the right place, causing a little moan to fall out of my mouth. The older cowboy’s eyes were practically burning a hole in my chest where his eyes were fixated. He broke his gaze to look me in the eye, his expression serious, but his eyes hooded. He took my hand in one of his large ones and brought it down to the bulge in his jeans.

“You feel what you do to me, baby?” he said smoothly as he rubbed his beard gently down my neck.

The bunkhouse door opened loudly, and both of us jumped away from each other, not wanting to be caught in that position. I stood in front of Rip, so what was going on in his jeans wasn’t visible to anyone else.

“Lainey, you coming back inside? Rip had something for you,” Lloyd spoke whilst directing his gaze at the floor. We had definitely been caught.
“Oh, uhm, yeah sure”, I replied flustered, starting to walk towards the door, leaving Rip behind me with some privacy to adjust himself before following us in.

“I don’t think she needed saving…” Lloyd spoke to Ryan quietly, seeming just as flustered as us.

Rip walked in a few seconds later, hands resting on his belt, trying to act normal, but the slight hint of red on his face indicated something had just happened outside. Hopefully, none of the wranglers would be looking at him as deeply as I am.

“Got somethin’ for you, Lainey”, Rip headed towards the bunkhouse table.

Turning around and walking back towards me, he held a cowboy hat in his hands. The same shade of brown as his, a similar shape too, but a slightly less aggressive turn up on the sides. I imagine this is what his looked like before it got its wear daily on the ranch.

“You’re a real fuckin’ cowgirl now!” Lloyd exclaimed excitedly as Rip placed it gently on my head, and the rest of the guys cheered.
“Aw man, thank you all, this is too fucking cool” I grinned.
“Thank Rip was all him, wouldn’t let us chip in”, Lloyd pointed out. He always had Rip’s back.

“Wow, thank you so much, cowboy” I looked up at him as he smirked at me with a new pick in his mouth, looking as hot as ever.
“You’re welcome, darlin’, it suits you,” he said smoothly.
“Just like yours, huh?” I said as I took it off to really take a look at it.
“Sure is, baby”, he winked, proud of himself.

After an hour in the bunkhouse playing a game of cards, it was time to head back for the night. Rip had spent the hour unable to take his eyes off me wearing the cowboy hat that resembled his. We all said our good night’s and I was soon in bed on my own.

It felt weirdly lonely after spending last night on Rip’s bed. Thoughts of Rip having me pushed up against the wall outside the bunkhouse kept replaying in my mind. His groan in my ear as soon as my hand made contact with the bulge in his jeans. I let my hands travel down under the sheets to touch myself as I replayed the scene in my head.

Rip found himself in the shower with his hand wrapped around his dick slowly stroking himself replaying the same scene Lainey currently was. The moan Lainey had let out was like music to his ears, and he thought of all the ways he could get more out of her as he sped up his pace. He grunted as he released all of his pent-up frustrations.

“You’ve got me fucked up baby” he whispered to himself.

Chapter Text

It had been a while since the bunkhouse situation with me and Rip, I had decided it was best to stay away from all that. Not because I didn’t want Rip Wheeler to fuck me senseless, but because I knew I was growing too attached to him already. That man knew how to say everything I wanted to hear. I don’t believe anything he said was a lie, but I only have a few weeks before I have to go back to reality.

This isn’t a conversation I had with him because he hadn’t been around too much himself ever since that night. No one had a full answer for me when I asked the wranglers what was going on, the only thing I could get was that there was a problem with some guy named Wade, and Rip was dealing with it.

We saw each other in passing once or twice a day, but nothing more than that. I always knew when he was around, I could feel his eyes on me before I even saw he was there. I hated myself for missing him being around and our conversations. Maybe this is what we needed to let it dissolve out of our systems.

It had been a good time with all the other cowboys, I’ve ridden way more than I ever expected to, while being here. Bubba and I are great friends now, and the photos I’ve been editing are incredible.

I’ve grown close to everyone in the bunkhouse, spending a lot of my evenings in there with them. The idea of having to go home after all of this hurts my heart. How do I ever go back to normal life after this?

As I walked down the stairs to catch breakfast before heading out for the day, I was stopped in my tracks.

“Who are you?” a boy I had never seen before asked. He couldn’t have been any older than 7.
“Hello, my name is Lainey. What’s your name?” I asked, amused yet confused.
“You talk funny”, the boy laughed cheekily.

“Tate, don’t be rude. Introduce yourself,” a woman's voice spoke from the living room.
“Sorry, Mom. Hello, I’m Tate, and I’m going to be a cowboy,” he said excitedly.
“That sounds really cool, Tate, I bet you’ll be amazing at it”, I encouraged the boy, still not knowing fully who he is.

“Lainey, this is Tate, my grandson,” John announced proudly as he walked into the room.
“This here is Monica, Tate's Mom and my son Kayce”, he gestured to a long-haired, scruffy-looking cowboy standing in the corner of the room, who just nodded in my direction.

“Now that makes way more sense than Jamie”, I joked, feeling the tension in the room.
“Jamie is against Lainey being here. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to tell him,” John explained.
“You’re definitely a Dutton, Jamie and his suits, I dunno” earned me a smile from Kayce.

“What are you doing here, Lainey? You don’t talk like a cowboy,” Tate asked, looking confused.
“I’m a photographer, I’m living here for a few weeks to take pictures of the cowboys”, I replied.
“Will you take pictures of me, too? I’m gonna be living here for a while, too,” He grinned.
“If your parents want me to, then of course, cowboy. I can get some family ones for you all if you want?” I offered up to them, hoping I wouldn’t end up with another Jamie situation.
“That would be great, thank you, we don’t have any proper ones, do we, Kayce?” Monica spoke.

“Whenever you want, just let me know”, I replied politely, “I’m just gonna grab some toast and head out. See you all later!” I excused myself.

I didn’t want to get in the way of what I imagine to be some pretty heavy conversations. The only time Kayce had been mentioned was from Beth when I got here, and it didn’t sound like the best of situations.

“Hey guys”, I sat on one of the benches outside the bunkhouse to have my morning cigarette instead of the porch, didn’t want to set a bad example in front of Tate.
“Morning, Lainey. We haven’t seen Rip yet, so we’ve decided we’re just gonna have some fun in the arena until he shows up,” Ryan explained.

“Oh, that’s weird. He’s always here to let you guys know what to do in the morning,” I thought out loud, confused and slightly worried.
“He had some work to do during the night, he’s okay”, Lloyd reassured me.

The old cowboy had never mentioned how he caught me and Rip that night, but he made it clear he knew something was going on by the way he spoke to me about Rip. It brought a vague feeling of embarrassment, now, nothing else had happened between me and Rip. Like it’s a weird secret that we can’t move past.

“Let's do some cowboy shit! Lainey and Bubba to slide first,” Ryan shouted, leading Bubba out towards us.
“If you insist, Ryan”, I pretended like I wasn’t excited to mess around a little bit.

We had been messing around for two hours, and I was now trying to get to grips with roping the fake cow we had set up. I can’t hide my frustration at the fact that I am not naturally talented with roping. As long as I’m better than Jimmy, it doesn’t matter, I guess.

“Jake is the last person you wanna be learning that from”, the voice as smooth as whiskey shouted over, cracking all the wranglers up.
“Why are you picking on me as soon as you get here?” Jake responded, confused.
“Lainey, come on down here and let me tell you some tips”, Rip said casually as he leaned against the fence, watching us.

“Hey Rip, how are you?” I asked, genuinely wanting the answer after Lloyd said he worked all night.
“Better now, I’m getting to have a conversation with you”, he smirked, earning himself a sarcastic eye roll from me.
“I wanted a serious answer, haven’t seen you around long enough to ask,” I half-joked.
“That was my serious answer, darlin’, that work is done, came to see you as soon as I could. How are you?” He let his eyes look me up and down slowly.

I didn’t realise how much I had missed hearing Rip call me that until it rolled off his lips again like it was the most normal thing in the world. I have barely seen him, yet a couple of words out of his mouth and I’m melting in his hands again. Keep your distance, Lainey, you were doing so good.

“Yeah, I’m okay, trying to learn how to rope. That shit isn’t easy” I tried to keep the conversation light.
“Let me teach you properly, like I said I would. Sorry, I haven’t been around much, hope I haven’t missed out on too much time with you,” Rip spoke with a sad tone.
“Still got a few more weeks before it’s time to head home, not planning on leaving early”, I joked.

“Rip, look who’s back” Lloyd walked over to nudge the much larger cowboy.
“Fucking Kayce?” Rip sounded angry before even speaking to the younger Dutton, “When the fuck did he get back?”
“This morning, I think, they were there when I came down for breakfast”, I added.

Rip took a deep inhale as if trying to keep his composure as the two Duttons made their way towards us. It never occurred to me that Rip would have a problem with any of the Duttons. Well, other than Beth, but that’s a different kind of friendship.

“Kayce! Nice to see you, boy, you need a haircut,” Lloyd spoke as the rest of the cowboys headed over to greet him. Except Rip, who hadn’t moved from the spot he was standing when he noticed him.

“Rip”, Kayce spoke first, nodding at the visibly angry cowboy in front of him.
“Kayce”, Rip did the same back to him.
“Well, this isn’t awkward at all”, I whispered to Rip.
“You don’t even wanna know baby”, he spoke quietly back.

I was left slightly in shock by the way Rip had just picked up where we left off with the way he spoke to me, even though we hadn’t had a proper conversation in a few weeks. I should probably ask to speak to him to set some boundaries now that he’s going to be around again.

Kayce headed into the barn with Lloyd to check out the current horses, leaving me standing uncomfortably between John and Rip, tension thick in the air. I need to come up with something to say to take this awkwardness away.

“Hey John, I was thinking. With you having a full house right now, I’d be happy to move into the bunkhouse. Helps me get deeper in with the project anyway,” I broke the silence.

“No,” Rip responded instantly.

“Huh? I asked John,” I replied, confused.
“I’m the ranch foreman, and I’m saying no. You are not moving into the bunkhouse,” Rip stared at me intensely.
“Sorry, Lainey, Rip makes the decisions like that. Plus, you don’t need to leave the house. You’re the only one who talks to me,” John laughed.

“Sir, she can move into the foreman’s house with me. I have the room, you have your family,” Rip spoke casually.
“What? Your house?” was the only thing I could say in response, ridiculously confused as to where this had come from.
“You want cowboy life? I’ll show you it,” he smirked at my confusion.

“Rip, I am not moving into your house”, I protested.
“I insist. I’ll come and get her bags later, Sir,” Rip spoke to John.
“Well, I guess that’s that, Lainey. You can have some of the real cowboy life,” John laughed.

Four hours later I’m sitting on my bed still questioning what the fuck happened. Why am I just casually moving in with Rip Wheeler? We hadn’t been on our own together since he had my hand placed on his dick and now I’m supposed to play house with him?

What the fuck is wrong with me and why didn’t I bother putting up much of a fight? Well, the answer to that is my fear of being in the way of people. John deserved some one-on-one time with his family, and I didn’t want to be awkwardly in the middle of that.

“Lainey?” Beth knocked on my door.
“Hey, Beth, come in”, I shouted back.
“Woah what the fuck is going on here?” she gestured at all of my packed bags, “You can’t leave, we haven’t gone out yet,” she said frustrated.

“I’m not leaving, leaving, I’m going to stay in the foreman's house to give you all some room as a family with Kayce being back”
“Foreman's house? Rip’s house? Atta fucking girl” She clapped her hands.
“It’s not like that, my suggestion was the bunkhouse, but Rip said no and insisted on his,” I tried to explain my innocence.
“I’m sure he fuckin’ did”, Beth winked, “wait there, I have something for you”

I heard another knock at my door as I zipped up my last bag.

“Come in,” I presumed it was Beth.
“You ready, Darlin’?” Rip asked.
“Oh great, you’re here too, was just giving Lainey here something to take with her” Beth walked back in.

My face burned with embarrassment as Beth held out a box of condoms towards each of us.

“Fucking hell Beth” Rip laughed seemingly not feeling as shy as me.
“Don’t want no cowboy babies growing up without a father in England, do we?” she said teasingly, “you would make cute ones together though”, she added.
“Can confirm we’re not having sex, but thank you for the consideration?” I said, wanting any way out of this conversation.

“I’ll just put them in your bag just in case. Plus, you might need to bring some on our night out, you might meet someone better,” Beth directed the jab at Rip as she made her way out of my room.
“She’s fucking crazy” Rip sounded irritated after her last comment, “C’mon baby let's get over there and get you settled in”.

He wouldn’t let me carry any bag other than my camera bag, which I had to fight him over. He had placed them all in his spare room across the hall from the room I know is his from the night I spent in there on top of him. I unpacked my bags and headed downstairs to find Rip watching for me on the sofa.

“Rip, I think we need to have a conversation”, I spoke quietly.
“A conversation about what?” he tilted his head as he looked at me with confusion.
“This. Us. Whatever is going on,” I spoke fast, trying not to back out of talking about it.
“Okay, come sit down, baby”, Rip pointed at the seat on the sofa next to him.

“Well, you know, thinking back to the last time it was just us together”, I tried to hide the red coming to my cheeks.
“When you had your hand on my dick and we got fuckin’ rudely interrupted?” Rip was straight to the point as he looked me in the eye, which made my cheeks flush even more.

“Yeah, that,” I cringed slightly, “I think we probably shouldn’t do anything like that again” I hoped he couldn’t tell that I was now only half committed to what I was saying, now I’m just about drooling at his curly, black hair framing his handsome face.

“You didn’t like it?” he asked, sounding genuinely confused.
“Yes, no, listen, that's not what I’m saying.” I felt frustrated at the fumbling of my words, “I’m only here for a little while. I think it would be the wrong move, and we would both end up hurt. I’m not someone who does one-night stands, I get fucking attached and it never ends well”

“I never said I only wanted to fuck you once did I?” he smirked making it worse. I closed my eyes to try and prevent my current arousal from being visible on my face.

“Fucking hell, you’re making this hard cowboy” I shook my head.
“You did a good job at that, too, baby” The smooth seduction rolled easily off his lips.
“Rip, I’m serious” I stood and walked over to the recliner in the corner of the room in an attempt to stop the urge to straddle him and let him do whatever he wanted to me.

“You feel it too, then huh?” he laughed at me and my sudden move.
“Rip Wheeler, I would like nothing more than you to fuck me right here on this sofa, but that isn’t going to end well and after my last relationship I don’t think I would cope well with having to walk away from you in a few weeks” I replied shocked at my honesty.

I could see the mix of emotions going through him right now. Eyes hooded, turned on by my admission, but also anger at the mention of James. At least I’m not the only one feeling every emotion in this moment.

Rip adjusted himself to sit further upright on the sofa. The way the black t-shirt he had on sat perfectly on his large frame had taken all of my attention in an attempt not to have to look at the expression on his face. I want to jump on him in his workwear with his cowboy hat on, but I also want to jump on him when his curls are free and he’s relaxed.

“He didn’t deserve you, baby, if I could take it all away from you, I would” he sounded frustrated that there wasn’t a way for him to fix the situation when he spends his life doing it for everyone around him.

“Those words there are part of the reason I know it wouldn’t end well. You say everything I have ever wanted someone to say to me” I spoke with sadness in my voice.
“I mean it all baby, I wish we could lure him here so you could watch him cry like a little bitch as I cut parts of him off,” he said with a sinister laugh. One that would have scared me previously, but now I would stand by his side and watch.

“I wish you weren’t saying what you’re saying, darlin’, but I respect it and I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do. If that means I don’t get to feel that little hand of yours wrapped around my dick then I’ll still be happy knowing we’re doing what makes you happy” he smiled a genuine smile.

I searched for any look of disappointment hidden on his face, but as usual, he was this perfect man who just wanted to make sure I was okay. Suddenly, I’m annoyed that I had to be born in England instead of living around the corner from this man.

“Can I ask if you’ll come sit back near me and have a little cuddle, though? We both know you like them,” he laughed, teasing me.
“By the sounds of it, so do you, cowboy,” I poked fun back at him, enjoying the lighter turn of conversation.

He lifted his arm so I could burrow myself into his side. His build was the perfect build for cuddling. I could feel the muscles hidden under his clothes. Not the type you go to the gym every day to create, but ones that come from a life of honest work. He wrapped his big arm around me, holding me as close to him as possible, and I relaxed into him.

“How old are you, by the way?” I asked, causing a hearty laugh to erupt from him. I mellowed in the feeling of the vibrations coming from his chest.
“You’ve never seemed too bothered about that baby,” He smirked.

“I just need to double-check something”, I kept my reasoning vague.
“I’m 39, wanna tell me why you’re asking?” he looked down at me with curiosity.
“Oh wow, okay, nope, you don’t need to know”, I joked with false secrecy.
“Older than you hoped?” A quick flash of sadness covered his face.
“Younger than anyone I’ve been near in years”, I laughed at the shock on his face.

“Jesus Christ, baby,” was all he said as he threw his head back.
“I’m 25, I’ve had a lot of time to make bad decisions,” I spoke, relaxed from the feeling of being wrapped up in him. Too relaxed, time to get up, Lainey, I thought to myself, slowly working my way out of his hold.

“Time for bed”, I spoke quietly as I grabbed my cigarettes to have a final smoke before bed. He watched me make my way across the room to the door.
“The spare room is made up for you, but if you change your mind, you know where I’ll be and there's always gonna be space for you, darlin’” Rip smiled softly.

Chapter Text

I woke up confused as to where I was. This many new bedrooms in a short space of time are fucking with my brain. I thought about my bedroom at home and didn’t feel much about it other than the annoyance of how dusty it’s going to be whilst I've been away.

My bedroom has always been my favourite place in the world, my space where I can do whatever I want and hide from the world as much as I want. It’s the one place in the world where I don’t feel judged, I can think any thought I want and not have to worry it’s showing on my face, and I can doom scroll for hours.

My dream from the night came back to me. I swear I could feel Rip’s hands all over me. It was a different version of last night’s conversations except we had stopped halfway through and when I mentioned fucking on the sofa, that is exactly what we did. It was rough and greedy, and then we went upstairs and went again, but softer. It felt so real, I lifted my hands to my lips to check if they were swollen from kissing, just to confirm it was a dream.

The familiar ache between my legs was strong, but touching myself in Rip’s house felt wrong. Almost like he would immediately know it was happening, and I felt embarrassed at the thought of being caught. Maybe I should have just let us get it out of our systems and I wouldn’t be laid here by myself this morning too horny to function.

Being in this house in such close proximity to Rip every night is going to drive me slightly insane. The thought of fucking another cowboy came to my mind, but I quickly pushed it away. I can’t imagine how much he would lose his shit if he found out one of his wranglers touched me. Especially Walker, who would have been my pick, his head would be hanging on a fence or something, and no one deserves that just because I've gone and fallen for Rip.

I starfished the bed and stretched my arms and legs out as much as possible to try and rid myself of my thoughts about Rip so I could get a clean start on my day. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand to check what time it was.

Rip Wheeler: Sorry, had to deal with something. See you at the barn when you’re ready.

At least that meant I had the place to myself as I got ready. I took my time in the shower and thought about the project I'm here to do. Things were going well, and the images had started to become better and better, with me having a friendship with all the guys now.

I like that about photos, you can tell when there is genuinely a connection between the subject and the person behind the camera. That was showing through in every photo I took of Rip, he’s mostly looking straight past the camera at me instead.

I fixed myself some toast and ate it over the sink to avoid any crumbs. It felt like you could get away with a lot in the main house. John has people to cook and clean up, but here it was just me and Rip, and I didn’t feel like hoovering.

I decided to call my mum as I sat on Rip’s porch watching the wranglers go about their day. One thing I won’t get used to is just how early they have to be out there, I'm more of a wake up at 11 AM girl myself.

I filled my mum in on the details of what’s going on around the ranch, how much I love it here, and conveniently leaving Rip out of it, even when she tried to bring up “that one from the FaceTime call”. In return, I got all the details about what had been going on at home. I had never been so glad that I wasn’t around. There was never a day without issues and arguments, and since moving out, it was something I never wanted to have to deal with again.

I was just finishing up on the phone as I spotted Rip making his way up to the house. Noticing I was on the phone, he stopped before speaking, and I rolled my eyes to indicate I was done with whatever was being said to me.

“Yeah, yeah, I'll call you in a few days. Yep, okay, love you, bye” I put my phone down a little bit too aggressively, earning a laugh from the cowboy in front of me.
“Good call?” he asked, taking the seat on the porch next to me.

I ignored the question and lit a cigarette. I took a few deep drags before letting my head fall back, showing my frustration as Rip just watched me intently, intrigued.

“That's much better,” I muttered as I took another drag.
“How am I supposed to just go back to reality after this?” I gestured out towards the land in front of us.
“I have no idea, darlin’, this is my reality”, he spoke as he looked out onto the land as well.

His jaw was flexing as he played with the toothpick in his mouth, that's how you know when he’s really thinking about something. I’ve already seen multiple snap in half from how hard he clamps down on them sometimes.

“All you do is check me out, you know that Little Miss Lainey?” he joked lightly without even looking in my direction.
“And all you do is ruin it by pointing it out”, I smiled.
“I can feel your eyes on me, I always know” he looked towards me, eyes covered by his sunglasses.

“I can feel yours on me before I even know you’re in the room, Rip. If you could take a vacation right now, where would you go?” I asked, changing the subject.

Knowing I have the same effect on him has left me thrown off. He’s made it clear he’s into me many times, but that was a shock. Is it possible that all the feelings I’m carrying right now, Rip is too? He wasn’t lying when he said he wasn’t just trying to have a quick fuck?

“No idea, baby, never been on a vacation”, he admitted.
“What? You’ve never been on vacation?” I asked, mouth agape.
“Never been further than 200 miles from this state”, he confirmed.
“Huh? Why? I mean, you get paid, you’ve never wanted to get on a plane and escape for a week?” I asked with genuine confusion.

“I don’t exist in this world, couldn’t get on a plane if I wanted to. Ain’t no documents showing I'm a person,” he spoke as if I didn’t phase him, but it was clear there was something he was hiding under the surface.

“Rip, that isn’t possible? There is a birth certificate somewhere with your name on it,” I insisted.
“Not that I'm aware of, honey. C’mon, I don’t have enough time to get into it, was just coming to walk you over to the barn” he stood and swiped dirt that wasn’t there off his jeans. Like he was trying to get rid of something under the surface of him.

“Tell me about travelling, where have you been?” he asked quietly as we walked to the barn.
“Okay, I've been to four continents so far, so what type of place would you like to hear about?” I replied.
“I want to hear about the ones that you like, show me some of your photos of them tonight?” he said with a gentle smile.

“It’s fuckin’ great that I have you to myself on a night now, I want you to talk me through all them tattoos as well”, he said with his signature smirk, confirming there was more to it when he insisted to John that I stay in the Foreman's house.

“How was the first night in the wolf’s lair?” was the first question asked about my new housing situation. Of course, it was Ryan who brought it up.
“Leave it alone, Ryan. When was the last time Rip was this happy on a morning? Literally never, not once have I seen him like this,” Colby joined in.
“I'd be that happy too if I had my girlfriend living with me. Alone too, bet they fuck all night and no one can have an issue with it” Jimmy butted in.

“What the fuck did you just say?” I spoke slightly louder than I originally intended, pulling the rest of the wrangler's attention.
“Did you just talk about me fucking Rip like that? Right in front of me? That's fucking perverted Jimmy. Talk about me like that again and I'll cut your balls off myself.” I dared the sheepish-looking boy in front of me, now as pale as a ghost, not knowing where to look.

I felt an arm swing over my shoulder and across my chest, pulling me into them. I knew who it was without looking. I've gotten used to being held in these arms. He smells so fucking good, or is it pheromones?

“That's my fucking girl. Watch your fucking mouth Jimmy” Rip grinned moving my cowboy hat slightly to place a kiss on my head.

The rest of the wranglers scolded Jimmy with amusement all over their faces at my outburst, maybe Rip was rubbing off on me slightly, but I think it was more my frustrations from my phone call that came out on poor Jimmy.

“Rip, that did not help dispel the rumours that we’re fucking” I laughed cringing slightly at myself.
“I don’t care about rumours, baby, let them think what they want”, he replied with his face still grinning with pride from seeing me hold my own.

“You’re a badass girl, Miss Lainey” Lloyd stood with me and Rip watching the rest of them. “Just be safe, both of you”, the old cowboy added with a wink.
“My god, we’re not fucking. Me and Rip have not fucked. He’s seen as much of my tits as the rest of you” I exclaimed frustrated.

“Well, that is good to know, Lainey”, John Dutton spoke from behind us.

I watched the laughter build on everyone's faces in front of me, Rip's hold on me growing tighter as he tried to hold it in himself. That couldn’t have gone worse if I tried. People need to stop sneaking around. One more scare and I’m done.

“Shit, sorry John. I didn’t know you were there,” I said, visibly cringing at the whole encounter.
“For what it’s worth, I would have thought the same as them”, John added, a smile breaking out on his face, watching me regret everything I said.
“Amazing, thank you” I shook my head “Are you coming out with us today?” I tried to change the topic.

I spent the rest of the day trying to avoid looking like I was spending too much time with Rip and not the others. I wouldn’t mind as much if we were fucking, but I have gone out of my way to make sure that we don’t, just to end up in this situation anyway.

They were all right, though. Rip is in a better mood with all of the wranglers than I have seen him in probably since I got here. It’s nice to see, but I also miss watching him cuss them out over nothing. His mouth is one of the things that turns me on about him the most. He would talk me through it. Fuck sake Lainey, stop it.

It was nice to have John out with us today. It’s interesting to see how the dynamic between them all changes when the big boss is around. Rip naturally gives John back some of the control, but you can see underneath that Rip knows they will do whatever he says, regardless. Some photos of John out running the pastures are something I had been after, so I was glad for his presence, even if it was incredibly awkward at first.

As soon as work was over for the day me and Rip made our way back to the house. I raided the fridge and cupboard to look for something to eat. If I’m going to be living here rent-free, I need to at least earn my keep and cook for him.

“Best date you’ve been on?” he asked me as we ate.
“Shit, I don’t think I've ever been on a proper date. Like I've been out for food and days out obviously, but not like what Americans romanticise as a ‘proper date’ or anything massively thoughtful,” I said honestly.

“Honestly, baby, I just need a minute with each one of them. That's it, that’s all I need,” he looked at me seriously.
“One minute? That’s all they needed too,” I joked, causing him to choke on the water he was drinking.
“Everything you say just makes it worse”, Rip laughed.

I enjoyed watching him like this. Relaxed, the day of work behind him. I wanted to mess up his hair, which is fully on show as his hat hangs next to mine near the front door. Pearl snap shirt discarded upstairs, and just a t-shirt covering his torso instead. The jeans are always the same except when he puts his pyjama pants on that still make me laugh, even though they look fucking sexy on him.

“So, you can say yes or no, I just wanted to ask,” Rip said seriously now, “the guys want to go to the bar tonight with it being Friday night. I've said they can go, but I was wondering how you would feel about it. We ain’t gotta go if you don’t think it's a good idea for you”.

The idea originally seemed like a bad idea to me, but the more I thought about it and how dynamics have changed here, the more I think it might be okay. I know Rip is going to spend the entire night watching and trying to protect me, which completely reassures me.

“Okay, yeah sure. I'll come if that's okay?” he seemed shocked by the yes.
“Of course it is, wasn’t gonna go if you weren’t anyway, darlin. I can be by your side as much as you want,” he assured me.

“How much time do I have to get ready?” For some reason, I want to look nice tonight.
“Said we’ll head off in about an hour?” he looked at me with uncertainty, unsure if I really am okay.
“Perfect,” I say as I put both of our dishes in the sink to wash up.
“You go get ready, I'll do this” he took the plate out of my hand. God, he knows how to make a girl happy.

I made my way back down the stairs with ten minutes to spare. I went for a flowy white knee-length dress with a denim waistcoat, the combination I knew made my blue eyes pop. I had opted to wear my actual glasses instead of contacts tonight. I like how they look anyway. I curled my hair so the bouncy waves could be there instead of a hat tonight. I paused at the bottom of the stairs to put my last earring in.

“What's wrong?” I asked Rip who was standing as still as a statue in his living room, pearl snap back on.
“You’re fucking beautiful baby, it frustrates me that other guys are gonna see you looking this good” he showed his signature smirk, but you could tell there was some seriousness in what he said.

“I don’t think anyone else will be looking at me at the bar. The people in town actually see other girls instead of you guys who are stuck on the ranch,” I joked the serious away.
“No other girl in this town has ever or will ever look as good as you”, he charmed.
“I'm sure you’ve told them all that, cowboy,” I said, laughing, “there are plenty of girls around there without this tummy” The hint of sadness about myself showed through.

Before I knew it, I was against the wall, just as we were before outside the bunkhouse.

“You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life, baby, don’t you ever talk bad about yourself again,” Rip growled in my ear.

We stood still for a second, realising where we had found ourselves again. Looking at each other in the eye as if trying to see into each of our brains for the next move. Every part of me wants to rip his clothes off.

“Rip,” I whispered.
“Your move, baby” his gaze intensified.

“We can’t. We talked about this.” I looked at the floor as he took his arms off the wall that was placed by my head.
“I'm sorry, Lainey, I shouldn’t have done that” he moved one of his hands to squeeze the back of his neck in a way to distract his hands from reaching out to touch me.
“It’s okay, let's get going”, I spoke sheepishly, feeling bad for turning him down.

We got in Rip’s truck as we made our way to pick up the rest of the guys from the bunkhouse. I was pretty happy it meant I got to sit shotgun instead of being crammed in the back or the truck bed.

“Rip, look at me. I'm not mad at you, if you did something I didn’t want you would know about it. Like Jimmy today,” I added with a smile, grabbing his hand to reassure him.

Anyone could see that he was kicking himself, and I didn’t want him or anyone else to end up in a bad mood. The reminder of how I spoke to Jimmy made the brooding cowboy next to me laugh.

We got to the bar with no issues, a different one than last time. I don’t know if that's because the Yellowstone are now barred or because Rip thought it would be better not to bring up the memories of that night.

“I'm gonna play pool with Walker”, I told Rip as he stood at the bar surveying the room.
“Kick his ass” he smiled.

I did as he said. I was currently winning 3-1 against Walker, and he was growing frustrated by it. My one loss was from accidentally potting the black, so he hadn’t won a game properly. These Americans aren’t as good at the bar scene as they like to make out.

“Okay, I'm done. Ain’t been beat like this since I was a boy” Walker passed the cue to Ryan, who was laughing at him, making it worse.
“Who’s next for you to destroy, Alien?” Ryan asked.
“I'm taking a break, will let someone else win for a minute”, I joked as I walked towards the man who hadn’t stopped watching me the whole time.

“You sure showed him, darlin’, glad it was him you showed up” Rip couldn’t help but throw a dig at Walker.
“Hey Rip”, a random cowboy interrupted before I could reply.

“Hey Jerry, how's it going? Branding season soon?” Rip replied with irritation, clear in his voice.
“Sure is. Was going to ask if I could ask this little lady you have with you to dance? Watched her smoke him at the pool, and I wanna get to know her,” he said as he licked his lips, looking at me.

Ick. I'm standing right here, but he asks Rip about me? Who said romance is dead?

“Ask her yourself, she’s stood right here” Rip knew what was coming.
“Rip, could you tell him I said absolutely not, please? Seeing as though I'm not worth being spoken to directly,” I hissed.
“Smoked your ass too it seems Jerry” Rip cracked up laughing, and the slimy man walked away without responding.

Jerry left me, and Rip stood at the bar together. He placed a glass of Coke in my hand as he nursed a non-alcoholic beer in his hands. I love a man who takes notice, and that's exactly what Rip does, even with the smallest of things. I’m screwed.

“You’re not even having one?” I asked curiously.
“Nope, haven’t had one in weeks”, he replied casually.
“Huh? Why not?” This isn’t like him.
“After what happened at the bar and what you’ve told me since, I don’t want one whilst you’re here. Don’t wanna make you feel uncomfortable, baby,” he spoke close to my ear as the music got louder.

I don’t think anyone has been this considerate to me, especially when it came to alcohol consumption. I felt overwhelmingly emotional at his confession, but also didn’t want to interrupt anyone's way of life, and we all know cowboys like a beer to wind down.

“You don’t have to do that, Rip, I'm a big girl, honestly” I resisted the urge to kiss him as I stood on my tiptoes to talk in his ear.
“I know I don’t have to, but I am” He gave me a serious look.

“I can’t even blame you for losing me a dance with a cowboy this time”, I lightened the mood.
“Fucking Jerry, he’s the most useless cowboy I've ever met” Rip laughed.

“Howdy, would you like to join me for a dance?” another cowboy, this one fairly decent-looking, interrupted us.
“No.” Rip barked.
“Aw, come on, Rip,” I laughed, ”that one was unfair”.

He turned from the bar and took my glass out of my hand, putting both of our drinks on the bar. Without taking his eyes off mine, he took his signature cowboy hat off and placed it on my head. He adjusted it slightly to make sure it was sitting right, and he looked happy with himself, unable to hide the grin on his face as he looked down at me wearing his hat.

“Would you like to dance with me, darlin’?” he asked, holding his hand out.

“Rip, I was just messing, I can’t even dance”, I laughed.
“I'll be damned if some other cowboy is gonna give you your first dance in here. C’mon,” he pulled me towards him and onto the area where people were dancing.

“You know I've read cowboy romances, right? I'm pretty sure I know what your hat on my head means, Rip,” he smiled down at me.
“And what do those little books say it means?” he whispered in my ear.
“Wear the hat, ride the cowboy or that you’re theirs”, I whispered right back to him.
“I don’t see you taking it off, baby. Let me take you out tomorrow night, a real American date,” he closed the small space between us as we started to move.

I tilted my head back slightly to fully take him in. Just as we locked eyes, “Use Me” by Zach Top started playing, and we were lost in each other. No one else in the bar existed.

Tell me you love me and tell me you need me
I know we both know it ain't true
And I'll whisper you're everything l've ever wanted
I'll pretend if you'll pretend too
Oh, tell me you love me
And use me like l'm usin' you

Chapter Text

I woke up to the smell of food being cooked downstairs. It was a gentle wake-up that I appreciated, one that puts you in a good mood immediately. It had been a nice night at the bar, we left at midnight, and not one person got into a fight, which I heard is a record for those guys.

Spirits were high as Rip drove us all home, stealing glances at me with a smile on his face. It was only when we got back to his house that I realised I was still wearing his cowboy hat. I had quickly retreated to my room, feeling how high the sexual tension was between us.

Now I'm not in the main house, heading down for a formal breakfast every morning, I have the freedom to just head downstairs in my pyjamas. Today, that happened to be short shorts and a tighter-than-usual tank top because I keep forgetting to do laundry and my Crocs.

“That smells incredible”, I speak sleepily as I make my way into the living room.

As I turned to look in the kitchen, I quickly turned back to run up the stairs.

“Lainey? What's up?” Rip shouted, confused by the scene.

I ran back down with my little camera, needing to capture this moment, even if just for me. Rip was standing with his hand on a pan over the stove, the messy morning hair making me smile. He had his secret plaid pyjama pants on, a black tee, and was barefoot as he cooked. It was one of the most beautiful scenes I had seen in my life.

A gentle smile spread across his face as he realised why I had run upstairs, making the photos even better.

“Good morning, darlin’, I was worried for a second then. Thought the smell had made you sick or something,” he spoke relaxed and slow, just like the scene in front of me.
“I'm not pregnant, don’t worry,” I joked. As soon as a girl feels sick, that's everyone's first thought, and I humoured it at every chance.

“I wouldn’t have waited downstairs if I thought that was the reason, plus we wouldn’t exactly need a DNA test, would we?” he teased back to me.
“Fuck no, I test every month. Well, I haven’t whilst being here, but as bad as my maths is, I know that's ruled out” I faked a prayer with my hands, which earned me more laughter from Rip.

“What are you cooking, chef?” I asked as I took a seat at the table so I could watch his every move.
“Fried bread”, he looked focused on the food in front of him, so I watched silently instead of responding.

I watched him make the final touches as he plated two servings and brought them to the table. It looked slightly like some type of pancake topped with eggs and bacon, a proper American breakfast, I thought to myself, amused.

“My mamma used to make this for me when I was a boy”, Rip smiled fondly at the memory.
“Did it have a special name?” I could feel the emotion coming from him.
“Rip’s pancakes, sure felt special to me” For a split second, his expression was childlike. Like he was reacting the same as the first time his mum had called the food that.

He watched me as I took my first bite, which made me feel slightly self-conscious. It took me years to build up the courage to eat in front of people, and I've never been watched doing so this intensely.

“Fuck thats good Rip, it’s definitely special” I wanted to make sure I gave him some praise for the food, it seemed like it meant something to him.
“It is? I've never made it for anyone else” There was a shyness to his words.
“I could eat this every single day, Rip” I’m not lying.

He had the biggest smile on his face, one you couldn’t even attempt to hide. It felt like an intimate moment, he sat in his pyjamas watching me enjoy a plate of food that was so sentimental for him. Especially after his admission that he’s never cooked it for anyone else before. It made me feel like I had to replicate it in some way back to him, like we’re using food as a subtle way to let each other in.

“I'm trying to think of something from my childhood I could make for you. My mum was never big on cooking, the only thing I can think of is treacle on toast.” I laughed at the admission.
“She never cooked you dinner after school?” Rip asked.
“Maybe once or twice, she was always more distracted by whichever man was around. The only thing I knew how to make until I was like 15 was ready meals, sandwiches or toast. I taught myself to cook after that, needed to learn some life skills.” I joked.

“I'm sorry, baby, did you have any other family traditions?” Rip asked.
“Erm, other than arguing, violence and smoking on my mum’s side, that’s it. My dad's family had a few though, every Sunday we go to my nana's for a Sunday dinner. Without fail, we never miss it. Well, when I'm in that area,” I smiled, suddenly craving a proper Sunday dinner.
“Was it something different you would eat each week?” made me laugh out loud.

“No, we had a Sunday dinner every week. Like that’s what the specific meal is called,” I explained.
“Darlin’ I'm gonna be honest, I have no idea what the fuck a Sunday dinner or treacle is” he confessed before putting the last bite of his breakfast in his mouth.
“You’re so American, cowboy,” I teased him.

After finishing my plate of food, I got to washing both of our dishes up, only seemed right after he went through the effort of making it for us both. He watched me from his seat at the table. He was silent, but the clenching of his jaw made it clear he was deep in thought. I left it that way, we might have stuck to not having sex, but the whole situation seemed a lot more like a relationship than I would like to admit.

I thanked Rip for the breakfast, letting him know just how much I appreciated him sharing Rip’s pancakes and the memories with me. I lay on my bed for a minute, rethinking all the events between us from last night. Running to my room when I got home was the right move, right? Or would us just getting it out of our systems now be too bad? I was aware of my current attachment to him regardless, it was going to fucking hurt never seeing this man again as soon as I leave the ranch.

There was no sign of Rip downstairs when I headed down. The porch was calling my name, so that's where I headed, Marlboros and a Clipper in hand. Slow mornings out here were the best, most mornings were filled with everyone rushing around to get the morning chores done, but not today. Rip had told all the wranglers last night to give themselves a few hours before work. Except for Jimmy, Jimmy had to wake up and feed the horses as requested by Rip.

It was colder out of the sun this morning than it had been for a while, but I wanted to enjoy the moments of quiet rather than walk upstairs to grab myself a jacket. I shivered slightly as the door opened, Rip back in his normal clothes, the pyjamas felt like a secret between us.

“You’re shivering”, Rip pointed out as he took his jacket off and walked towards me.
“Here, put this on”, he placed his usual black Yellowstone crested jacket over my shoulders.

“I grew up by the sea, you know? I can handle a little chill on a morning, I'll be sweating in an hour or so,” I joked.
“You’re not there now, you’re in front of me and cold. Put it on,” the assertive tone in his voice lit a fire inside of me, and I did as he said.

“Good girl”, he whispered as he watched me. If it wasn’t clear I was turned on before, it certainly was now. I'm sure he does it on purpose, after seeing my cheeks turn red from the words before.

We sat in comfortable silence as I smoked, both focused on our surroundings. As I brought the cigarette up to my lips, I heard the instantly nostalgic sound of a photo being taken on a disposable camera. I turned slowly to look at Rip, who had a giant grin on his face, camera in his hands.

“You did it to me this morning, baby.” Rip laughed, proud of himself.
“If only your phone wasn’t vintage, you could take as many photos as you want” I couldn’t resist poking fun at him.
“Don’t like being the subject in photos, do you?” he smirked.
“Correct, that's why my job is being behind the lens”, I gave a sarcastic smile.

“Quiet morning over, lets go see how fuckin’ hungover those dipshits are” Rip laughed to himself.

We chatted about the day ahead and what work needed to be done as we made our way over to the bunkhouse. Rip nearly took the door off its hinges when he pushed it open, letting it bounce off the wall. The noise shocked all the wranglers who were still sleeping into waking up, and a chorus of groans could be heard.

“Wake up, that's your yearly sleep-in over”, Rip announced.
“You’ve got Lainey wearing your jacket today and your hat last night, and you’re still like this on a morning?” Ryan grumbled from his bunk.

The comment from him made a couple of the other wranglers look up at the scene in front of them. I wasn’t helping defend the idea that Rip and I weren’t doing anything other than being friends. Could I even convince myself of that anymore? I don’t think so, but being wrapped up in his scent felt good as fuck at this moment in time, so I wasn’t going to take the jacket off just yet.

Three hours later, we were all sitting around in a pasture eating the sandwiches Gator had made for us all this morning. It amazes me that so many people just like me go about our normal lives every day, when for other people, this is their daily life.

The manual labour seemed like it paid off when your lunch break looked like this. I made sure to capture a few moments of the scene around me. Everyone was cracking jokes as they ate, mountains as a backdrop, with the horses tied up to the right.

“Are we still on for tonight?” Rip asked me quietly as I sat down next to him.
“Tonight?” I replied, confused.
“I asked if I could take you on a date last night, pretty sure you said yes”, he laughed.
“Oh, sorry, I wasn’t sure if that was a heat-of-the-moment comment. Thought you might have forgotten about it today,” I said honestly.

“Forgot? Been planning it all day, baby,” he grinned.
“Oh, right, okay. What are we doing?” was all I could think to respond. Suddenly nervous at the thought of a date, after admitting I’d never had a real date.

“Can’t tell you that”, Rip said with a smug look on his face.
“Well, how am I supposed to know what to wear?” I said, sounding slightly frustrated by the secrecy.
“Hmmm, how about wear what you had on last night?” His eyes lit up at the thought.
“But I wore that to the bar, isn’t that gross? I haven’t washed it yet?” I laughed.
“Oh, honey, there is nothing gross about that outfit. Just bring a camera,” he spoke with an intense gaze.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. I helped, but mostly watched all the cowboys fix the fences and add in some new posts. I was pretty sure that by the end of this trip, I could have and maintain a ranch of my own. A few weeks had taught me a lot, one of those things being that I wanted Rip Wheeler more than anything.

When we got back to the barns, I helped unsaddle the horses. I had grown to love the gentle moments with Bubba. I'm going to miss him when I'm back to my normal life. Rip told me to be ready for 7, which gave me two hours. I spent most of that on my phone scrolling socials, trying to keep up with what people were up to back home. Rip hadn’t come back to the house with me, and I was curious what he was up to after revealing zero details about how we’re gonna spend our evening together.

I was sitting on the couch at 6:30 PM waiting for him to walk through the door and hopefully give me some idea, but he just headed straight upstairs, letting me know that he was just going to freshen up quickly.

“Are you really not going to tell me anything at all?” I questioned, slightly like a toddler throwing a tantrum because of the nerves building inside of me.
“Nope” was all I got in response as we made our way to his truck.

“If this is gonna end in me being murdered, then I would have preferred not to be wearing white”, I mumbled.
“Baby, I am not going to kill you, but if I were, I think that’s a fuckin’ hot outfit to go out in”, he said with a grin as he glanced at me.

He had one hand on my leg as we drove further and further up from the ranch. I'm sure it is just to reassure me, but the sight of his big, rough hand on my skin was about to make me have to squeeze my legs shut. I hummed along to a Lainey Wilson song on the radio as Rip kept his lips sealed on where we were heading.

The drive is beautiful, surrounded by so much nature and greenery. Montana is the most beautiful state I have visited, it might be one of my favourite locations full stop. We made a sharp turn off the road we had been following and onto some unmaintained track.

“Fuck me, can I at least have a smoke before you kill me?” Rip tipped his head back as he laughed at my worry.
“Close your eyes”, he demanded, and I followed. I have never taken well to authority, but whatever Rip says, I do and I don’t understand why my body betrays me like that.

I felt the truck go into reverse and move slowly for a few metres before it finally came to a stop.

“Here we are, darlin’, your first real date,” Rip spoke, proud to be the man giving me this first.

He jumped out of the truck and came around to the passenger side to open the door for me.
“Ever the gentleman cowboy, even when you’re about to kill me”, I teased.
“Will you stop and just enjoy the moment?” he smirked, grabbing my hand to help me out.

When I turned around, my jaw dropped. We were at the most beautiful viewpoint, the whole of Yellowstone visible from our place on the mountain. The sky was perfect, hints of pink decorating it as the sun just started to set.

“Rip, this is fucking beautiful” was all I could say, in complete awe of what I was seeing.
“You should see it from where I'm standing, baby”, he spoke as his eyes burned into me instead of the beauty in front of us.

He finally broke his eyes away from me as he turned to push back the top of the truck bed, exposing the pillows and blankets that the bed was decorated with. There were bags of different snacks and cans of Coca-Cola sitting there waiting for us. I felt tears build in my eyes at the effort he had gone to make the occasion special for me.

“Take your picture and then climb on in there with me, darlin’, I want to watch this sunset with you”, Rip ushered, a smile never leaving his face.

After taking a couple of pictures, Rip hopped onto the truck bed and held his hand out for me to follow him. We both took our boots off and lay down so our heads were propped up on the pillows to get a good view of the sun setting all around us.

“Rip, this is amazing. Thank you so much,” I spoke without looking at him, too entranced in the scenery.
“Only the best for your first baby. Now let me cuddle you as we watch,” he didn’t wait for me to speak as he wrapped one arm around me and pulled me closer to him.

The warmth coming from him relaxed my brain even more. We sat there silently enjoying the moment and sharing a bag of sour patch kids as the sky around us continued to get darker and darker until there wasn’t much light left.

“Did I do good?” Rip spoke quietly, still holding me against him.
“Do good? I think you’ve ruined anyone's chances of taking me on a date again,” I laughed lightly as I lifted my head to look at him.

“Good” was all he said as he stared down at me, gently playing with a piece of my hair.
Neither of us moved an inch as we got lost in each other's eyes, the tension I had tried to ignore for as long as possible now suffocating us.

“Rip?” I asked, breaking the silence.
“Yes, baby?” he replied slowly.
“Thank you,” I whispered as I leaned in.

My lips touched his as lightly as a feather before I pulled away again to look up at him. He didn’t say anything, he just placed both of his hands on my head and pulled me back towards him, and this time our lips connected properly. Gentle and soft, as if we would break each other if we didn’t hold back.

“Lainey?” Rip whispered.
“Hmmm,” I hummed back, unable to take my eyes off him.
“Are you sure?” he asked, seeking approval.
“Kiss me, cowboy”

The gentleness in the kiss was gone. Our mouths moved together hungrily, tongues gently touching, the taste of sour patch kids slightly present on our tongues. His teeth gently clamped down on my lips, causing a moan to fall from my lips. Rip pulled away, searching my face for any evidence of me changing my mind. His eyes were hooded, and he licked his lips, feeling where mine had been on his just a second before.

I couldn’t take it anymore, there was no more holding back from this man. I lifted my hand and took his hat off his head, slowly placing it on mine as he watched intently. In one quick move, I had gone from being laid beside him to swinging my legs around to either side of his, straddling him.

He reached a hand up to stroke my cheek and push my hair behind my ear when I leaned in again to kiss him. As our lips connected, I let my legs fall further apart, making contact with the bulge in his jeans. A deep groan made its way out of Rip’s mouth and into mine.

“Fuck baby” he whispered as I slowly started to grind myself against him.

It had been his idea for me to wear this dress, and I had never been more grateful. The friction of his jeans against my underwear had moans flowing from my lips every time we stopped kissing to get some air.

Rip grabbed my hips, forcing me down harder as I rolled my hips against him. I tipped my head back as I moved, Rip saw this as his chance to start leaving kisses from my neck down to my collarbone. Within a second, he had flipped us over so I was lying on my back as he held himself on his elbows over me, causing me to whimper at the loss of friction.

“Oh darlin’, I bet if I touch you there now you’ll be soaking wet for me”, he growled in my ear, only getting a moan of frustration in response.

“Cat got your tongue?” he teased me as his fingers drew circles on my inner thigh.
“No, a cowboy has”, I snapped back as I ran my fingers through his thick curls as I pulled his head back towards me.

Our kisses were greedy and sloppy as we let ourselves get lost in each other. I gasped as he ran his finger over my underwear stopping just before my clit.

“You want me to touch you just there, don’t you?” Rip whispered as he looked down into my eyes.

I nodded my head silently, pleading with him, my head swimming from the intensity of our kisses.

“Use your words, baby”, he teased, placing kisses along my neck, his beard slightly scratching me as his head moved, sending goosebumps all over me.

“Please, Rip”, I begged breathless.
“Please, what baby?” He wasn’t making this easy.
“Please touch me”, I whispered.

His lips were back on mine, harsh enough that they were going to be swollen in the morning. He pushed my panties to the side and slowly rubbed his finger across my crease, parting my lips slightly.

“I knew you were going to be soaking wet for me, baby”, he teased against my lips.

His finger finally made contact with my throbbing clit, just a slight touch and my legs were shaking. It felt like this was the first time I had ever been touched, as he enjoyed teasing me as much as possible.

“Rip please, please stop teasing me” I struggled to get my words out as his finger quickly stroked my clit again.

His eyes darkened as he listened to me beg for him. I let my hand fall from his head to the erection trapped in his jeans. I ran my palm across it, earning a grunt from Rip. I could tell even now that this is the biggest dick I have ever felt, I felt it twitch as I added more pressure.

“Not tonight, baby”, Rip whispered as he lifted my hand away, “Tonight is just about you”.
His finger began to draw relentless circles on my clit as his tongue explored my mouth.

“Let me see how tight you are, darlin’”, he growled as he slowly slid one of his fingers inside me. A deep moan came from my chest at the sudden sensation of his rough finger opening me up for him.

“Oh fuck baby, you’re tight, you’re going to feel so good around my dick” he growled as he fastened his pace. He curled his finger in just the right way as it relentlessly rubbed against my G-spot.

“Fuck Rip” I moaned.
“That's right, baby, feels good, doesn’t it?” His voice got deeper with his arousal.

My eyes flew open with shock as he added another finger inside of me, struggling to adjust to the size of his large fingers.

“That's it, that's my good girl”, he cooed in between filthy, deep kisses.

My legs began shaking uncontrollably when he used his other hand to start playing with my clit as his fingers kept up the relentless pace against my g-spot.

“Rip, I'm gonna”, I moaned, gasping for air.
“Let me feel you cum baby, I want to watch you fall apart for me” he growled, gently pressing down harder against my bundle of nerves which sent me over the edge. Seeing stars as curses rolled freely out of my mouth.

“So good for me”, he spoke in between kisses as he coaxed the orgasm out of me, his praise just adding to the sensations.

He moved back onto his back and pulled me into him, just like we were that morning in his bed. Except this time, I was breathing deeply, trying to come back down from the earth-shattering orgasm I just went through. We lay together for a minute as our breathing came back to normal.

“Let’s get you back home, baby. There's no hiding from my bed tonight,” Rip grinned.

Chapter Text

The tension in the car was thick in the air. We both knew there was no coming back from this point. The second our lips had touched, that had been the end of any pretending we had been trying to do.

Rip’s hand was placed tightly on my thigh as he drove us back to the ranch, at a speed that wasn’t legal, but there is no one I trust more to keep me safe. His breathing was heavy as he tried to keep his eyes on the road ahead of us. There were no lights on the winding roads, and since the sun had gone down, there was nothing visible other than what the headlights illuminated, but Rip drove the road like he had done it a thousand times before.

The high of the orgasm had worn off, and I was feeling sleepy as I sat in the passenger seat.

“Baby?” Rip broke the silence that had consumed the truck.
“Yes?” I spoke quietly with sleep threatening to take over me.
“Are you okay? Was I too rough?” he squeezed my leg tighter, worry evident on his face.

“Too rough? You treat me nicer than any other man who has ever touched me, stop worrying,” I smiled at the cowboy who finally found the courage to look at me for a second.
“You ain’t just saying that, are you?” He looked nervous.
“Rip Wheeler, I promise you right now, you were not too rough with me. At all. Plus, who said I don’t like it rough?” I stuck my tongue out at him playfully.

Rip groaned, “I have never wanted to be home faster than I do right fuckin’ now, darlin’” he moved slightly in his seat.
“You got a problem going on there, cowboy?” I teased him.
“Tease all you want, baby, gonna be your problem as soon as we’re out of this truck,” he laughed smugly to himself.

The next half an hour in the truck truly felt like a lifetime. Both of us failed to hide our arousal as we had no choice but to wait until we were home, until we could be all over each other the way we wanted to be.

Rip raced up the driveway to the Foreman’s house, slamming the brakes on and undoing his seatbelt before I even had the chance to blink. The passenger door swung open as he grabbed my hand to pull me towards the front door. He fumbled with the keys slightly, which amused me, the ever put-together grumpy cowboy, messing up a small task was unheard of around here.

He got the door open and pulled me inside. His lips were on mine before I had a chance to breathe. Passionate and hungry, our tongues fought as hands started roaming and jackets were pulled off.

“Rip, upstairs”, I broke the kiss breathlessly. He held my head in his hands for a second before letting me go.

He opened his bedroom door, and the reality of what was about to happen hit me. Sleeping wth someone for the first time has always been an uncomfortable situation for me because of my body. Some guys hadn’t even got to see me without a t-shirt on, my stomach is up there in things I hate the most about myself and the thought of Rip seeing it made me feel slightly sick.

“Hey, what's wrong, baby?” Rip asked, suddenly looking confused at my change of pace.
“Erm, well, I’m not the biggest fan of taking all of my clothes off in front of someone”, I spoke quietly, looking at the floor, avoiding his eyes.
“Explain what you mean, honey?” he tilted his head at me like a confused puppy.

“My stomach, I hate it, it’s not appealing. I don’t wanna ruin whatever image you have of me in your head” Sadness was laced in my voice.

Within a second, he had his arms wrapped around me as I stood awkwardly in front of the bed.

“Don’t you fuckin’ dare, gorgeous girl, you are the prettiest damn thing I’ve ever seen. There ain’t one thing that would change my thoughts on you. Whatever some piece of shit has said to you before is never gonna happen with me.” He looked a mix of confused and angry that these were opinions I hold about myself.

I cringed as the memories of my ex came to my mind. The way he would shame me and my body every time I didn’t do exactly what he wanted in bed. I ended up doing so many things I didn’t want to just to avoid the venom he would spit at me.

“Look at me, darlin’”, Rip spoke gently as he tilted my head.
“I’m gonna love on that fucking sexy body of yours and you’re gonna learn to love it” he kissed me gently.
“If you think i’ve watched those boobs bouncing up and down every time you’ve rode for the past few weeks to not see them myself, you’re wrong” he teased.
“I knew you were watching, perv”, I joked.
“The show they put on there is fuckin’ no avoiding that baby”, he whispered seductively in my ear.

He took my joking as a sign to keep going. He reached down and slowly started pulling the dress that he had chosen for the occasion over my head. I closed my eyes as the feeling of being exposed overcame me. I was glad I had worn my matching pink, lacy underwear set, you know, just in case…

“Fucking christ baby” Rip mumbled as he took the sight of my full body in, “I can’t believe you tried to hide this from me”

Before I had a chance to respond, he had gently pushed me down onto the bed. He stood above me, his legs between mine, inching them open for him. As he stared down at me, he started unbuttoning his signature black, pearl snap shirt. I watched him silently, finally getting to see what he looks like under his clothes.

He discarded his shirt across the room, leaving himself standing in just his jeans. The Yellowstone brand over his heart is clear to see. The erection visible in his jeans both turned me on and scared me. Beth was fucking right when she tipped me off about the size of it.

His chest was lightly covered in hair that matched the black curls on his head. He is broad and bulky, just as I had imagined, the perfect build. Exactly what I had always wanted in a man, he just looked like he could protect me from anything.

He moved to start undoing his belt as I watched him in awe, nearly fully exposed below him. He unbuttoned his jeans slowly with a smug smile on his face, knowing he was teasing me. Before I knew it, he was standing just in his black boxers, his erection fighting to escape. Rip groaned as he adjusted himself slightly, and my mouth fell open at the size of it. The girth was unlike something I had ever seen before, and that’s before I saw it properly.

“Rip, I don’t think that’s going to fit” I spoke with worry in my voice, earning a laugh from him.
“Don’t you worry about that baby, I’ll make it fit,” he said as he palmed himself over the fabric of his boxers.

He climbed on the bed and positioned himself over me, reaching over to unhook my bra, letting my boobs come free for him. They were bigger than most guys preferred, but the look in his eyes showed that wasn’t true for him.

“Fucking”
“Beautiful”
“Every”
“Bit”
“Of”
“You”

He spoke between kisses as he held them in his hands. A gasp escaped my mouth as he slowly rolled my nipples between his fingertips, watching intently as they reacted to his touch. His kisses started moving down my body, stopping at my stomach.

“I’ve spent weeks stroking myself at the thought of your body, could never have imagined it would be this fuckin’ perfect”, Rip cooed as he placed kisses across my stomach.
“Let me taste this pretty, pink pussy of yours baby” he yanked my undwear down my legs and threw them across the room.

He wrapped his arms around my legs, positioning me just right for him. He trailed kisses up my thigh as he made his way to the spot he was looking for. Just one soft kiss as his eyes found mine. As our eyes locked on to each others he placed his tongue flat against my clit, moving lightly. My hips bucked immediately from the feeling of his tongue against me, a moan falling from my lips.

“Better than I could have ever imagined”, Rip growled before letting himself lose control.

Sucking and gently biting at my clit as he watched my every reaction to him. It had been a while for me, and it was clear by the fact that it had been less than a minute, and he had to adjust his arms to hold my hips down from how much I was moving and bucking my hips. Lost in the feeling of him greedily eating my pussy.

“Fuck i’m gonna cum Rip”
“Cum on my tongue baby” he fastened his pace, licking and sucking at my clit until my vision went blurry, orgasm taking over me.

Rip looked proud of himself as he made his way back onto the bed. There was a patch on his boxers that the head of his dick had been against, showing that he had enjoyed himself too. In one smooth smotion they were off and his dick was stood proudly against his stomach. It was thick and angry, leaking precum as he reached into the drawer of his nightstand.

The skin around his mouth glistened with my juices as he ripped open the foil packet he had in his hands. He rolled it down over his dick quickly.
“I’ll be gentle with you, baby” I just nodded as I stared at the size of him.

He lined himself up with me, running the head of his dick up and down my pussy a few times before slowly starting to push me open. My eyes widened at the feeling, struggling to adjust to the size of him.

“Breathe, baby”, he instructed gently as he watched me. Every inch caused a mix of moans and gasps to escape my mouth. He moved slowly, as if scared to hurt me on our first time. Constantly checking my eyes for any sign that I’m changing my mind.

“Fuck Rip, you’re so big” I managed to get out as he bottomed out inside of me.
“You’re doing so good, baby”, he kissed my forehead.

He started to thrust slowly, opening me up for him with each thrust. I felt myself taking him better. I can’t even be surprised his dick is this big, it fits his personailty and build perfectly.

“Kiss me, darlin’, taste yourself on my lips,” Rip growled as he kissed me.

His tongue fighting mine for dominance. The taste of me coated his mouth, turning me on more than I ever have been before. I moaned into his mouth as he picked up his pace.

“Look at you taking my dick so good baby”
“So tight for me”
He prasied me as he fucked me, making me melt underneath him. The room was filled with our sounds, groans and gasps as his movements became faster and deeper with each thrust.

Rip moved his head down, holding both of my boobs in his hands he took one nipple into his mouth. He nipped gently with his teeth, and my back arched from the pleasure.

“You do like it rough, don’t you? My dirty girl,” Rip teased, watching my reaction.
“Yours”, I whispered.

His eyes darkened at my response, biting and squeezing me everywhere, marking me as his. He pulled out of me and forced his dick back inside hard enough to make my eyes roll. As he pulled out to do it again, I squeezed as hard as I could.

“Fuck baby, you’re gonna make me cum squeezing like that” I couldn’t hide the dirty smile that appeared on my face.

Rip’s breathing got heavier, groans growing louder as he buried his head in my neck and let go.

We lay there, he still inside me, for a minute as he recovered. This is an intimate moment I’m going to remember for a long time. I had never seen him so relaxed and vulnerable. He slowly withdrew from me and headed into the bathroom to clean himself up. I assessed the damage on me, bruises were already starting to form, decorating my chest and arms. I’m gonna have to cover up tomorrow.

Rip moved slowly on his way back, taking a second to soak up the sight of me naked and red-faced in his bed. I did the same to him, the sight of his messed-up curls and swollen lips making me smile. Fuck he’s hot.

“Checking me out as usual?” he joked as he climbed into bed next to me.
“I don’t know if i’ve ever told you, but you’re fucking hot” I grinned.
“You haven’t, but your eyes have told me you’ve thought that for a long time, darlin’” he wrapped an arm around me as I placed my head on his chest.

“You okay after that?” his fingertips traced a cluster of bruises on my arm.
“I’m just fine, cowboy. Might not be able to walk properly tomorrow, but I’m okay. Are you okay?”
“Never been better”, he placed a gentle kiss on my lips.

We had both fallen asleep pretty fast after all of that. My eyes drifted open as the ray of light made its way into Rip’s bedroom. I was trapped under his big arms again, this time held with my back against his chest as he slept. I moved slightly to try and put my hair behind my ear and felt Rip stir behind me.

“Good morning, baby”, he spoke slowly, sleep laced in his voice.
“Good morning, handsome”, I smiled as he rolled us over so he was on his back, arms never letting go of me.
“Seems something else is saying good morning,” I joked at the sight of Rip’s erection, standing proud against his stomach.

“Can you blame me? Waking up to you in my bed all naked and pressed against me,” the sleepy cowboy laughed.
“I think you’ll find that you sleep with your arms so tight around me, I don’t have a choice about that” I don’t want the choice, I want to be held against him at all times.

“I’d hold you against me every second of the day if I could, baby”, Rip replied.
“I wouldn’t complain,” I spoke honestly.

Being in Rip’s arms brings my brain to some sort of state of relaxation I’ve never felt before. Like all my guards are down, and I have given myself to him completely. It’s a scary feeling at the same time, I know I’m going to end up hurting. Bad.

“Ten minutes before we need to get up?” I looked at him curiously.
“Let’s make them count, baby” He raised an eyebrow.

Hours later, we are breaking for lunch after the realities of cowboying made us get out of bed. It had been a good day for photos, pushing a herd down the hill to another pasture always made for good content. I get to hang around the back and sides, making sure not to get in the way whilst capturing all the guys working.

The vibe had been slightly off since the morning when Kayce made his way over to the barn to say he would be joining them for the day. You could see the annoyance on Rip’s face every time Kayce came around, but it wasn’t my business, so I stayed out of it the best I could.

I was sitting on one of the benches outside the bunkhouse with Ryan and Jimmy, joking around as we ate our lunch. I could feel Rip’s eyes on me the entire time, and that is never going to change. Rip had a swagger about him today, one that shouted he got laid last night that I was hoping the rest of the cowboys hadn’t noticed.

“Hey Lainey”, Kayce spoke, taking a seat with us.
“Hey Kayce, how are you doing?” I replied politely, none of the bad blood is with me.
“Good, thank you. My dad wanted me to ask you if you’ll join us for dinner tonight?” He smiled.

“Oh, any particular reason?” I asked curiously.
“Just said he hadn’t seen you around properly since you went to Rip’s” Kayce threw a look in his direction as Rip watched our interaction, anger clear on his face.
“Oh, for sure then, 7 PM as usual?” I double checked.
“Yes, Ma’am”, Kayce smiled.

It wasn’t just high tensions between Kayce and Rip, it seemed like they were between Walker and Lloyd, too. I missed what had happened, I only saw Lloyd slam his hands on the bench and walk off.

“Fuckin’ grumpy old man”, Walker laughed as Lloyd went into the bunkhouse.
“The fuck happened there?” Rip spat the question at Walker.
“Fuck if I know” Walker laughed it off.

“What was he saying to you?” Rip sat next to me as I moved to an empty bench to smoke.
“He just asked me if I would join them for dinner tonight, John’s request”, I replied honestly.
“He wasn’t bothering you?” Rip is looking for something to hold against Kayce.
“He wasn’t, he’s always been polite to me, Rip. You don’t need to worry,” I assured him.

Rip sighed, clearly frustrated at the vibe across the ranch today after he woke up in such a good mood.

“Are you wearing that to cover up my marks, darlin’?” Rip smirked as he pulled at my long-sleeved flannel I had thrown on today.
“Correct, cowboy, you decorated me like I’m your own personal canvas last night”, I whispered so no one overheard us.
“And I’m gonna do it every night I can, baby”, he whispered back at me.

I put my camera batteries on charge as I cleaned up to make myself presentable to join the Duttons for their family dinner tonight. Clean jeans and a long-sleeve pearl snap seemed good enough.

“If I’m not down here when you come back, join me in my bed, baby” I love it when Rip tells me what to do.
“I will, wish me luck. Haven’t had one of these where no one has walked out of the room before even having a bite of their food, yet,” I cringed at the awkwardness.
“Give Jamie hell”, Rip laughed as he gave me a goodbye kiss.

I stopped at the main door, taking a deep breath before opening the door. I could handle it when there were only a few of us, but the idea of joining in on a full family dinner makes me nervous. I know how the small ones have gone down, and the larger ones with my family have always been even worse. More people, more opinions, higher tensions.

“Hey Lainey”, John spoke first as I made my way into the room.
“Hey John, thank you for the invite. I’ve missed Gators' full meals,” I joked.
“Missed you being here, told you you were welcome any time,” he smiled gently.
“She’s busy with Rip daddy, why would she want to sit with us every night?” Beth made her way into the room.

“Hope my gifts are coming in handy”, the older woman spoke seriously as she took her seat next to me.
“All good on that front, how have you been?” I changed the subject as fast as I could, hoping John hadn’t noticed the blush on my cheeks..
“You know, ruining people's lives and careers, pretty good”, Beth replied.

“As evil as ever”, Jamie took his seat.

He was wearing casual clothes, which threw me off. Jeans and a casual Wrangler shirt, even though he was dressed for where we were, he still managed to look out of place.

“Wow, didn’t recognise you there?” I joked, addressing Jamie.
“Good, don’t want to be in your little project”, he hissed back.
“Well, that didn’t take long”, I laughed, bored with the same comments every conversation with him.

Monica, Tate and Kayce took their seats at the table. Kayce couldn’t hide the uncomfortable look on his face, as if he hadn’t managed to settle back into the place yet. I felt sorry for him, knowing Rip wasn’t helping the situation, showing his distaste for him every time he joined the cowboys.

“Lainey! I’m getting my own horse!” Tate beamed with excitement.
“Oh man, that's so cool, are you picking him yourself?” I matched the excitement.
“Yeah, well, my dad’s gonna help, but I get to pick the name” He looks so proud.

“That's amazing, Tate, I’m so excited for you. Can’t be a cowboy without a horse, can you?” I smiled in John’s direction.
“Will you take some pictures of it when it comes here?” he grinned.
“Of course I will”, I smiled at the boy.

“See Jamie, only one person here has an issue” Beth pointed her steak knife at her brother as Gator placed our food down on the table.

The steak smelled incredible, and my mouth was watering at the sight of it. Sure, living with Rip is incredible. There are many perks to it, I have found, including mind-shattering orgasms. I would be lying if I said I don’t miss Gator serving up incredible food each evening.

“Yet almost everyone on this planet has an issue with you, Beth, isn’t that funny?” Jamie spat.
“It’ll be funny when I cut your fucking balls off” Beth didn’t hesitate before responding.
“Both of you stop or get out, we have a guest and a child at the table”, John shouted, frustrated by his children.

“Get out? O fucking kay” Beth stood, her chair tipped over at the force of her outburst.
“See you on the porch when you’re done, Lainey”, I nodded, not wanting to be the person to break the silence.

The rest of the dinner was awkward, but not the worst. Now there were three more people at the table than when I first got here. Tate mainly filled the awkward spots with tales of what he’d been learning at school or talk of his new horse.

“Thank you again for the invite, John, that was amazing, Gator”, I praised him as he cleared our plates.
“Go on, join Beth for your smoke”, John laughed. Enough time with Beth had taught him when a smoker wanted to smoke.
“Thank you”, I laughed, standing to leave, “good night, guys!” I addressed everyone in the room with a sarcastic smile from Jamie, earning an eye roll from me.

“Tell me you slit his throat after I left” Beth asked from one of the chairs on the porch.
“Unfortunately not, maybe next time though”, I nodded as I sat down next to her.
“You still pretending you and Rip aren’t fucking?” She got straight to it.
“Yep.” I’m not going to lie.

“I’m gonna tell you this because there hasn’t been another girl around here in a long time. Well, there's Monica, but she’s soft, you’re like me,” Beth turned to look at me.

“Jamie took the one thing from me that a woman should never be stripped of. He took me to the clinic for an abortion and took out my whole womb. He’s fucking evil pretending to be a human and i’m going to take fucking everything from him”

My mouth fell open. I know I had a little bit of beef with Jamie, but hearing this boiled my blood for Beth. How she can even sit with him at the table for one second is beyond me. How he’s still breathing is shocking.

“Fuck, Beth. I’m so sorry, that’s fucking horrible. I don’t know how you haven’t killed him,” I looked at her sympathetically.
“I’ve made two mistakes out of fear, they cost me the two most important things. Never make that same mistake, Lainey. Trust yourself in every decision, never let fear get to you. You have Rip now, but when you go home, you have to follow my words”, she finished off her glass of Tito’s.

“How many people know this, Beth?” I feel like John doesn’t, or Jamie wouldn’t be sitting there.
“Just you and him. I don’t need anyone to know. I see a lot of myself in you, and I don’t want you to make any of the mistakes I did” Beth grabbed my hand.

I don’t know if it is the alcohol talking for her, but I’m never going to forget her words.

I thought about the situation as I made my way back over to Rip’s. I don’t know how Jamie can sit at the table arguing with Beth, knowing what he’s done to her. If I didn’t hate him before, I sure fucking do now. What a piece of shit.

I opened the door quietly, aware that Rip might be asleep upstairs. Instead, I was met with him fast asleep, lying across the sofa. Still in his clothes from the day, he must have fallen asleep not long after I had left for the main house. His breathing was gentle and soft, things you couldn’t imagine coming out of this man. I got my phone out and took a quick picture before making my way towards him.

“Hey there, sleepy man”, I whispered as I ran my fingers softly through his curls.
“Oh shit, I sat down for a second and must have knocked out” he smiled gently.
“You look fucking cute” I giggled at the way his eyes had fell shut again.

“Cute? Baby ain’t no one ever used the word cute to describe me” Rip looked shocked at the comment.
“You’re cute, cowboy. This right here is one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen,” I bent to place a kiss on his head, like he does to me.
“I’ll show you cute darlin’,” I laughed as he grabbed me, pulling me on top of him so we were both lying on the sofa.

Chapter Text

“Fuck”

“Baby, we’re late for the day”, Rip spoke groggily.
“Hmmm”, I ignored what he said, sleep inviting me back in.
“We need to get up, if I leave you here, you’re just gonna go back to sleep”, Rip laughed, trying to keep me awake.

“I told you I’m not good at mornings, remember?” I mumbled.
“You’re good at them when you know we have ten minutes spare, darlin’”, Rip teased me, placing a quick kiss on my lips as he got out of bed.

“Fuck you” I exclaimed as Rip yanked the covers off the bed.

A hearty laugh came from the cowboy who stood over me, watching me push my face into the pillows to hide from the day.

“Fucking me is the reason we’re late baby. Come on,” he couldn’t hide the amusement on his face.

Half an hour later, we were rushing out of the front door. It could have been twenty minutes, but Rip insisted that showering together would make us ready faster. That was so far from the truth. I was pushed against the tiles as he demanded another orgasm out of me within ten seconds of the water hitting us.

“What excuse are we giving?” I asked as I struggled to keep up with the pace he was walking to the barn.
“I was just gonna say you kept me up all night?” Rip smirked, playing with the pick in his mouth.
“I think we shouldn’t say that”, I rolled my eyes sarcastically. “I don’t think I want people knowing anything, Rip, just makes it easier?”

“If that’s what you want, then that’s what we’ll do, baby, your outfit today kinda goes against that though”, he looked me up and down. Enjoying how his signature black pearl snap fell over my white tank top.

I stopped for a second to take in both of our outfits.

“Fuck, we’re literally matching.” I laughed.
“Even down to the hat”, he tipped his towards me.
“You did that on purpose, didn’t you?” I narrowed my eyes at him.
“If you don’t want people knowing it’s me getting to fuck that tight, little pussy every night then I needed some way of marking you as mine” the smug look covered his face.

“Bastard”, I mumbled, amused by his way of thinking.
“I love it when you cuss me out, baby” he grabbed my hand, lifting it to his mouth to place a kiss on it.

As we approached the barn, we could see all the wranglers sitting around, confused about what to do. This is the second time I’ve made Rip late to work, well, I say me, but he was part of the reason.

We’ve gone from him having to come and wake me up; he doesn’t have an option but to wake up this early for work, to him becoming a sleeper just like me. Part of me thinks he might be slightly glad when I’m gone, so he can resume his normal life and routine without finding himself tangled up with me every morning.

“Time, do you call this?” Lloyd shouted as we got closer to them all.
“Overslept, happens to us all”, Rip tried to keep his excuse short.
“You ain’t never been late a day in your life and now you have been twice”, the old cowboy pointed out, intrigued by Rip’s sudden change in behaviour.

“Don’t worry, ain’t gonna be a third time”, Rip spoke seriously, sending a smirk my way when no one was looking.
“Grumpy old fuck” Walker whispered after watching the exchange.
“What was that?” Rip directed at him.
“Nothing”, Walker diverted his eyes.

“Anyone else got anything to say?” Rip addressed all of the cowboys.
“Didn’t think so”, everyone shut up.

I took a seat next to Ryan as Rip explained the tasks for the day. Seemed like it’s going to be another day with high tensions, what the fuck is going on around here?

“Lainey!” a voice shouted from behind us.

I was shocked to hear another woman’s voice. I’m used to it only being me over on this part of the ranch. I wouldn’t mind some more girls around here, but with the tensions of the day already clear, it made me jump.

“Hey, Beth, you okay?” I stood and walked over to her.
“Just peachy, wanted to ask you something?” he had a vaguely mischievous look on her face.
“Shoot”, I replied, intrigued at what question she could have.

“You gonna come out with me tonight? Realised times running out and we haven’t got round to it,” she lit a cigarette.
“Oh, erm, what time were you thinking?” I replied, unsure of the idea.
“Whenever you’re done running around with the cowboys. I’ll have Tito’s instead of dinner,” she smirked at me.

I didn’t need to turn around to know that Rip was watching the interaction, probably fighting himself not to walk over and find out what Beth could have to say to me that brought her into the dirt. She threw a sarcastic wave at him over my shoulder.

“Jheeze, I thought he looked like a guard dog around my daddy, he looks damn near ready to rip my head off for talking to you” she laughed as she took a drag.
“I’ll head over to the main house as soon as I’m ready. Any dress code I need to follow?” I replied quickly, the thought of any more bad vibes today probably clouding my judgment.
“No, just look hot,” she said, smiling.

“He isn’t fucking you, so i’ll find you some cowboy who will tonight. Give you a proper Montana welcome,” Beth raised her voice, pointing at Rip, making sure everyone heard her comment.
“Beth, you know I’m good on that front”, I said with an awkward laugh.
“I know, just wanted to wind him up a bit. See you later,” she turned and headed back towards the main house.

I braced myself for a second before turning around. I’m going to need some nicotine to get through this conversation.

A red-faced Rip Wheeler made his way towards me. Jaw clamped shut as he spat out half the toothpick that was in his mouth before it split in half from the force of his jaw. Ryan gave me a look of reassurance as all of the wranglers dispersed to the barn, leaving just me and Rip outside.

“Please don’t be mad, it wasn’t me that said that. She was just trying to get a raise out of you, she knows we’re fucking” I started word vommiting.
“Darlin’, stop, I will never be mad at you” Rip reached out his hand to cup my face, his features softening as he touched my skin.

“Beth knows how to piss me off and that was the right fuckin’ way to get a reaction” he sighed heavily.
“I have no intention of fucking someone else tonight” I stated.
“You ain’t even gotta say the words, what is happening tonight?” he pushed my hair behind my ear.

“She came over to ask if I would go out with her tonight. We had some heavy conversation last night, and I guess she wants to do the opposite tonight?” I pleaded her case.
“Can I speak for a second before you decide, baby?” Rip spoke gently.

“You ain’t seen Beth drunk, you’ve seen her drinking. I know that’s going to be a hard situation if she catches you in her fuckin’ crazy tonight, honey. She’ll look out for you, but once she goes that step too far, I don’t know how you’ll deal with that. That girl has had more black eyes than me,” he let out a small laugh.

“I’m in a better place now, that day was a fucking bad one Rip, but I think i’ll be able to handle it. My issue is more with men than women, too. If she had asked last night, I’d probably have said no, but she kinda threw that on me”

“I have full faith in you, baby, I just need to warn you that more often than not, it doesn’t end pretty when Beth goes to the bar and I won’t be there with you. You text or call, and I will be there as fast as possible, though”

Rip looked like he was fighting an internal battle. He knew that it was probably going to end up a shit show, but he also knew he couldn’t tell me what to do or forbid me from going with her. I have faith in myself with this. What’s the worst that could happen? People don’t fuck with the Yellowstone bare in mind the Dutton’s themselves. It’ll be fine, a few hours and I’ll be back in Rip’s bed.

A loud bang pulled both of us out of our thoughts, followed by a bunch of shouting coming from the barn.

“Anything fucking else today? We should have stayed in bed,” Rip spoke, frustrated as we started moving in the direction of the shouting.

“What in the fuck is going on here?” Rip shouted as we walked into the barn.

Walker was lying on the floor as Lloyd stood over him, anger spread all over his face. Ryan released the grip on Lloyd’s shirt once Rip was there to take over from him.

“Fighting? On this fuckin’ ranch? Come on, Lloyd, you know better than that” The confusion was clear in Rip’s voice at catching Lloyd like this.

“He fuckin’ deserved it”, Lloyd spat, unashamed.
“I don’t give a fuck if he deserved it Lloyd, this isn’t how we deal with shit here you know that better than anyone. You know the rules” Rip rubbed his hand over his face, looking troubled.

I know there are unspoken rules to ranching and cowboying, but the scene in front of me seemed different. Everyone else seemed to know what was being implied by Rip as I stood there clueless to it.

“Ryan, what are these fucking rules?” I whispered to the cowboy who now stood beside me as Walker stood.
“You’re gonna see in just a minute”, he replied quietly.

Without another word, everyone started walking towards the arena outside of the barn. I held back a second, unsure if I was meant to follow or not. I could have done with like an introduction leaflet or something when I first arrived to know how to handle these situations like everyone else does. Yellowstone Cowboying 101.

Rip saw me hesitating and waited for me to catch up with him as the others led the way.

“I’m sorry, baby, you’re not going to like this. Just trust me, I’ll be fine, it’s just the rules we have to follow,” he rubbed my arm as a gesture of reassurance.
“What the fuck do you mean? You’ll be fine?” My voice came out louder than I expected.
“Give me a kiss and trust me”, Rip whispered, leaning in once everyone was out of view.

“Lloyd, Walker, get it out of your systems now”, Rip demanded.
“I don’t wanna fight no fuckin’ old man”, Walker responded.
“Too fucking late for that” Lloyd rolled his sleeves up.

The rest of us stood behind the fence watching the fight unfold. After the first two punches, I couldn’t watch anymore. I liked both of them too much to see them rip each other apart like this. I turned myself around so my back was leaning on the fence, the scene going on behind me instead. I could hear punch after punch connecting and a thud as they both landed on the floor. Eventually, the groans and punches stopped, and I took a deep breath, relieved.

Walker and Lloyd helped each other up and made their way to the exit. Blood was dripping out of both of their noses, it looked fucking painful and it didn’t help that the dirt from the arena was now all of their faces too. They were both hunched over and limping. I hope it’s truly out of their systems now.

“Did everyone forget the fucking rules? There is no fucking fighting on this ranch. If you want to fight someone, fight me, I’ll fight you all damn day” Rip shouted breaking the silence.

Fuck.

“Walker, you stay there. Lloyd, go get cleaned up,” Rip barked out the order.

I watched as Rip made his way inside the arena, putting his gloves on and heading towards Walker.

“This has been a long fucking time coming” Rip smirked as he threw a punch, landing on Walker’s chin.

As much as I wanted to look away, I couldn’t this time. Watching Rip fight was freaking me out and I think slightly turning me on. Walker helped himself off the floor reluctantly, there didn’t seem to be any fight left in him anymore.

Or so I thought. He suddenly threw himself at Rip, taking him down with a thud. Walker threw two punches, connecting with Rip’s face perfectly. The frustration of being hit seemed to piss Rip off even more, rolling them over so he had the advantage over Walker. The rest of us stood silently watching the second fight unfold.

Rip knew when it was time to stop. For a second, I worried he might kill Walker. He had been waiting for an opportunity to fight him, and this fell right into his hands. Rip stood offering a hand to the cowboy on the floor, letting go as soon as he was standing on two feet.

I couldn’t take my eyes off Rip as he walked out towards me. If it wasn’t for the busted lip and scratches on his face, you wouldn’t have known what had just happened. He walked with the same confidence as ever.

“You okay, baby?” he asked me immediately.
“Am I okay fucking hell Rip? Are you okay?” I said, trying to brush some of the dirt off his face.
Rip just smiled at me, a full grin before turning to spit some of the blood out of his mouth.

“I know you’re turned on right now, baby, I know your expressions too well”, he whispered in my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

The cowboys headed into the bunkhouse to get Lloyd and Walker cleaned up, whilst Rip and I walked back to his house to do the same. I was slightly amused by the grunts coming out of his mouth as he walked, as soon as the others couldn’t hear.

“You getting old, old man?” I poked fun at him.
“Could a fuckin’ old man fuck you the way I do baby? Didn’t think so” That ever-familiar smug look appeared on his face.

“I’ll have to leave you to rest for a few days, I guess. Those sounds you’re making don’t sound good” I bit my lip to hide my grin.
“If you think I’m missing one night of hearing those pretty little noises coming out of your mouth, you’re wrong, darlin’” he smirked.

Rip stepped behind me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into him as we approached the porch. I could feel how hard he was before we even got inside.

“Sit”, I demanded as I got out the first aid kit he keeps in the kitchen cupboard.
“Yes, Ma’am”, Rip joked as he took a seat on the sofa.
“Now you sit”, he pulled me onto him so I was straddling him.

“I’m not fucking you just because you got into a fight” I started cleaning up his lip which was swelling more and more every second.
“Not just because I got into a fight, baby, also because we’re at home during the day” he bucked his hips slightly, putting friction in just the right place.

I can’t believe I’m turning this man down. His perfect dick is just there and i’m saying no. What is going on today? There's something weird in the air.

“Not gonna happen cowboy”, I ignored his erection pushing against me, “Your lip is swelling like fuck Rip”
“Should I kiss you to test how swollen it is?” he smirked.
“Stop giving me that smirk, I’m trying to clean you up” The frustration in my voice made him laugh.

“You ain’t even gonna let me have ten minutes with you?” Rip fake pouted, and the smile I was holding back couldn’t help but come out.
“Everyone out there thinks you’re this hard as nails, nothing can phase you, big, tough cowboy, yet I’m looking at you being all cute, pouting because you want a kiss?” I teased.

“Not one person would believe you if you told them, baby,” he spoke quietly.
“That we can agree on”, I kissed his head as I stood to head into the kitchen.

“Just to be clear, you’re not gonna let me fuck you?” he followed me in to the kitchen. Grabbing my hips to grind onto him as I bent to discard the wipes I used on him in the bin.
“Correct, I’m not making you late twice today, cowboy. Plus, I was thinking I might just stay here and get ready to go out with Beth. The earlier we set off, the earlier we’re back”

I spun around and placed my hands behind his neck, and he instinctively wrapped his arms around my waist, embracing each other.

“As long as you come and find me before you head out, I’ll be around the barn” We moved slowly together, as if dancing to music only we could hear.
“You just wanna see what I’m gonna be wearing”, I joked.

With a kiss, I sent him off, back to work. It felt weird being in Rip’s house on my own; it felt like home, more like home than I’ve ever felt, and I’ve lived in a lot of houses. I put my thoughts aside and got to getting ready. Rip’s words earlier about Beth and bars played in my head a couple of times, making me apprehensive. Maybe this isn’t the best idea, but Beth seems like she’s craving a girls' night.

I jumped in the shower, taking longer than I should have; the longer I’m in there, the longer I can put off going out. Ever since I stopped drinking, I would happily be in bed by 8 PM every night; late nights just don’t agree with me. Hopefully, my plan of showing up early will work out. By the time I’ve curled my hair, it will be the sweet spot to turn up at the main house.

I threw on one of my denim dresses, a red bandanna folded neatly around my neck, my usual brown cowboy boots, my sunglasses and my cowboy hat. I know the hat will make Rip smile. At this point, I’m shocked he hasn’t branded his initials onto it.

A wolf whistle was the first thing I heard as I entered the barn.

“I’m surprised you can whistle with your lip that busted up, Lloyd. How are you holding up?” I asked the old cowboy.
“Nothing will stop me whistling for you, Miss Lainey, I’m good. You heading out for the night?” the older cowboy smiled.
“Yes, sir, Beth requested my company for the night”, I gritted my teeth with a smile.
“Good fuckin’ luck with that”, Lloyd laughed.

I spotted Rip leaning against a stall at the back of the barn, just watching me as I spoke, so I made my way over to him.

“Fuck” was all he said.
“Huh? What’s up?” I asked, confused.
“You’re going out looking as fuckin’ good as that and it’s not me you’re going out with”, he spoke quietly.

“Walk me over?” I asked.
“Shit i’ll walk you anywhere you want baby” his eyes landed on the small amount of my cleavage that was showing.

John was sitting on the porch with a tumbler of whiskey as we approached.

“You two are gonna get in some amount of trouble tonight, please be the sensible one, Lainey” he shook his head, “I’ll get Beth” he headed into the house.

“Fuck yes, when I said dress hot you fucking understood girl” Beth exclaimed as she came out.
“Which bar are you taking her to, Beth?” Rip asked with a serious expression.
“Not telling you will ruin the vibe when we turn around and you’re sitting at the bar”, Beth’s reply made Rip make an audible noise of annoyance.

“Kiss goodbye, I’ll wait in the car”, she said, walking past us.

“Baby, I mean it, one text or call and I’ll be there” Rip looked me in the eyes.
“I promise I will, hopefully I won’t need you to save me”, I tried to reassure him with a laugh.

“I can’t fuckin’ wait for you to get home baby, i’m gonna fuck you good whilst you’re in that dress” he growled in my ear.
“I’ll be counting down the minutes, cowboy” I gave him a quick kiss before getting into Beth’s car.

We were flying down the drive in Beth’s Mercedes before I even got my seatbelt plugged in.

“I’m gonna show you a good night, Lainey, what's your drink of choice?” She grinned.
“Beth, I’m sober, my drink of choice is a Coca-Cola” I laughed at the disappointment on her face.
“Well shit, why didn’t you say that before? Guess you’re just gonna have to watch me,” she rolled her eyes.

We pulled up at a bar in town, one I’ve passed a few times when in town on supply runs. It’s much classier than the other ones I’ve found myself in whilst being here. Heads were turning before we managed to get to the bar and take a seat.

“My usual and a fuckin’ boring coke for my friend here” Beth had spent a lot of time here for them to know her order.

We were a few drinks in, well, I was nursing my Coca-Colas as Beth downed her glasses like it was nothing. We spent most of the time just exchanging stories and comparing fucked up stories with each other. Seems we’re more alike than we could have imagined, except I’ve removed myself from the past, but Beth is still actively fighting against hers.

“I’ve never seen Rip look at someone the way he looks at you, you’re gonna break his cold cowboy heart when you leave, you know?” she asked, slightly slurring her words.
“I fought against it for as long as I could, isn’t going to be easy for me either. Going back to reality after living this life sounds impossible,” I laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

“I fucking hate this place, being cooped up in that fucking graveyard of a house with my disfunctional family is a living nightmare” I could see Beth’s mood start to change as her thoughts moved.

“I’d feel the same if I was back at home, the grass always seems greener and all that shit right?”
“All that shit is correct. I fight the urge to strangle Jamie in his sleep every night,” she signalled to the bartender to refill her glass.

“Can I get you girls a drink?” a middle-aged, business-looking man appeared behind us. He looked like the epitome of a man that I would not want to be left alone with.
“No, you can’t”, Beth replied without even looking at him.
“My bad, have a good night”, the man said as he headed back to his table. I gave him a sympathetic smile.

“I hate these slimey guys that think girls just come to bars to get drinks off them and then suck their tiny little dicks as a thank you” Beth shot daggers at the table the man came from.

“So tell my whilst it’s just me and you, I was right about Rip’s dick right?” the drunken older woman smirked.
“You gave me a heads up and I still wasn’t fucking ready for that” I confessed.
“Hope he’s got better since we were younger, his rhythm wasn’t quite there”, she mocked a sloppy hip movement.
“Can confirm he knows what he’s doing, zero complaints from me”, I nodded.
“Atta fucking girl” Beth clapped.

“Sorry, girls, my friend over there didn’t make a good first impression. Would you like to join our table?” another man in a suit hovered behind us.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? We already said no. Your wife is sitting at home waiting for you, you prick. Save your money for your daughters stuffed animal you’re gonna return home with and every time you see it it’s going to remind you of whatever whore you end up sticking your dick in tonight” Beth said without stuttering.

My jaw was on the floor.

“You stuck up little bitch, daddy’s money paying for your drinks tonight? At least the sad little girl has a friend with her tonight,” he hissed back at Beth.

Without missing a beat, Beth had thrown her drink over the man behind us. He was feeling the sting of the Tito’s in his eyes when he grabbed her arm and tried to drag her out of her seat at the bar.

“Take your filthy fucking hands off me before I slit your throat” Beth dared him.
“All bark”, he wrapped one hand across her throat.

My fight or flight kicked in, and I stood to push the guy out of the way and off of Beth when she casually lifted her foot and kicked him square in the crotch. He keeled over instantly from the force his balls just got shoved into his stomach, his friends started walking our way to see what was going on.

“Come on, Beth, let's get out of here” I grabbed her and her bag, dragging her to the exit as she laughed at the man trying to act like he was okay to his friends.

We made it to the door when I felt something wrap around my hair and pull me back. It was the first guy who asked us if we wanted a drink, and with a handful of my hair, he went to slap me across the face. Unlucky for him, he doesn’t know what I’ve been through with men before.

With as much energy as I had, I threw a punch that landed on his chin, the force throwing him back enough for me to get out of his grasp. Beth wasted no time in starting to smack the man as hard as she could.

“You fucking pussy, hitting a woman huh? Be a fucking man”
“Be”
“A”
“Real”
“Fucking”
“Man”, she said between each smack.

I grabbed her arm and dragged her out onto the street, moving as fast as we could to be out of their eyesight. I unlocked my phone and dialled Rip’s number.

“Baby? What’s up?” he answered on the first ring.
“Can you come and get us, please? Some shit’s gone down” I tried to tone it down so he wouldn’t come and kill someone.
“I’m parked outside the boutique you like. I’m walking towards the bar now, stay where you are, baby” I can hear a small amount of anger in his voice.
“Huh? How the fuck?” I asked, baffled.

“Lainey, come on,” Rip urged us towards him as he stepped under a street light.
“How did you know where we were?” I looked at him, confused.
“Beth’s been coming to the same bar for ten years, figured I’d follow you up and wait so I could drive you both home. Now tell me what the fuck happened” he looked at Beth with anger.

“I’ll tell you when we get home”, I grabbed his hand to hold as we walked towards the truck.
“You picked real good, Rip, should see the right hook she has on her” Beth laughed out loud as she struggled to walk in a straight line.

“I fucking knew this would happen, you always have to fucking ruin it Beth” Rip growled.
“It wasn’t Beth, it was as much Beth as it was me” I squeezed his big hand wrapped around mine.
“Take me home, cowboy” I looked him in the eyes, and his eyes softened immediately.

Chapter Text

The sound of an alarm filled the bedroom, brutally.

“You have the worst fucking alarm in the entire world that was like being fucking attacked” I spat out sleepily.
“Good morning to you, too, baby” That perfect gravelly laugh came out of him as he rolled me over to face him.
“Please get a normal phone with a normal alarm, I can’t believe you still use an actual alarm clock from like the fucking 80’s or something” Rip’s laughter filled the room.
“I didn’t have to use one until you, the alarm clock is all your fault, darlin’” he kissed me softly.

I let out a sleepy sigh as I wrapped my arms around him, squashing my face against him and squeezing as hard as I could. I want to be able to remember these little moments when I’m back home, the moments when it's just us doing normal things, like waking up next to each other.

“You okay, baby?” Rip asked, half concerned and half amused.
“Yes, squeeze me back, please”, I spoke, voice muffled from being so squished against him.
“Okay, if that’s what you want?” A laugh followed his reply.

He followed my movements and wrapped his arms around me, squeezing gently.

“Harder, please, Rip”, I pleaded.
“Baby, I don’t want to fuckin’ suffocate you”, he half-joked.
“Why? That would be a great way for me to go, a mega cuddle,” I pleaded.

He let go of me and rolled over so he was hovering above me. The smile on his face melted my heart a bit, a grin that belongs to me. I love his grumpy face, but these smiles were rare and seemed to only happen with me.

I pushed my head up off the pillow and placed a kiss on his lips, pulling back for a second before going in for another one. With my arms wrapped around his neck, I deepened the kiss, tongues touching gently, moving with each other. I felt Rip starting to harden against my leg, letting out a little moan to persuade him.

“Fuck me, cowboy” I whispered.
“You want my dick baby?” he growled.
“Please”, I gave him my best innocent look.
“Well, I believe that’s what people call karma?” Rip laughed as he moved and slid out of the bed.

“Come on, darlin’, can’t be late again” he held his hand out for me, a smirk plastered on his face.
“Well, you can be the one to explain why I’m not talking to you today”, I pointed at him.
“Yeah? You want me to tell everyone you’re pouting because I didn’t fuck you this morning?” Rip teased.
“Fine, we’re equal. Set that horrific alarm earlier tomorrow, please,” I smiled.

Everyone I’ve ever shared a space with as I get ready has irritated the life out of me, yet Rip is different. We never seem to get in each other’s way, we exist in harmony, like we’ve been doing the same routine for our whole lives.

“That blackeye looks sore, Rip. How does it feel?” I asked as we headed downstairs.
“It’s fine, honey, not the first and won’t be the last”, he shrugged.
“It’s kinda hot”, I admitted with a smile.

We ate a quick breakfast and headed over to the bunkhouse, on time today. The cowboys were just finishing up getting ready for the day as we arrived.

“Look at that, he managed to get himself up this morning. You help him with that, Lainey?” Lloyd teased us both, seeing if he could break our composure.

“Shit, he must have got an alarm from the year you were born Lloyd. Could wake up the whole fucking ranch” my quick response earned a good amount of laughter from the guys.
“Got you there, old man”, Ryan said as we all headed outside.

“Gonna go on a supply run, you coming? Know it's your favourite thing,” Ryan asked.
“Oh fuck yeah, theres some things i’ve been wanting to grab” excitement clear on my face.
“You mean you wanna buy some more clothes?” Ryan laughed.
“When in Rome”, I shrugged.

I headed over to the barn to find Rip to let him know I was going to be heading out. I needed to check if there was anything we needed for the house, too, whilst I was going to be at the store. I was hoping to get a few things, just so it felt like I was being fair instead of just eating through his food and supplies.

I entered through the back of the barn as Rip was standing, talking to Jake. They were both laughing at the conversation they were having, and I secretly took a couple of photos. It was good capturing the quiet moments as well as the full-blown cowboying moments. It didn’t take long before Rip spotted me watching him.

He sent Jake off with a smack on the shoulder and made his way through the barn towards me. In the time I was talking to Ryan, he had put his chaps on ready for the day. I wouldn’t be shocked if I were drooling right now. His swagger mixed with the leather strapped around his jeans was enough to make me go feral for this man. His sex appeal is off the charts normally, but with those on, I can’t help myself.

“Now what you looking at me like that for?” Rip asked, amused.
“You look fucking sexy cowboy” I whispered as I looked him up and down.

I looked around the barn and confirmed we were alone. I opened the door to the left of us as I grabbed Rip and pulled him in behind me.

“What are we doing in the tack room?” Rip laughed.
“This”

I dropped to my knees in front of him, keeping eye contact as my hands landed on his thighs. I undid his buckle with shaky hands, it had been a while and I hope I don’t fuck this up. Rip’s hands landed on my shoulders, gently pushing me back as I reached for the fly on his jeans.

“We can’t, baby, anyone could walk in here right now” Rip looked conflicted.
I raised one eyebrow as a dirty smile spread across my face, continuing what I had been doing before.

The growing erection in his boxers told a different story. I leant forward and pressed a gentle kiss to the head, a groan falling from Rip’s lips spurred me on. I slowly pulled down the top of his black boxers, allowing his dick to be set free for me. He lifted the cowboy hat off my head, placing it on the drawers next to him.

“As much as I love seeing you in that hat, I want to see your mouth full of my dick properly darlin’” Rip kept his voice low as he gathered my hair into his hands.

I wrapped one hand around his dick, pumping slowly as I tried to think of a plan on how to handle a dick this big in my mouth. I’ve never been particularly bad at blowjobs, but him being circumsised is something thats very new to me.

I placed my tongue flat on the head of his dick, slowly licking a swirl around it. Rip’s eyes closed as his head tilted back from he pleasure which gave me some confidence to continue. His eyes reopened slowly as he looked down at me, eyes hooded.

I kept my eyes locked on his as I took him in my mouth as deep as I could.
“Jesus fuckin’ christ baby”, Rip bit his lip in an effort to keep quiet.

I found my rhythm quickly, sucking as my mouth moved up and down, one hand softly stroking him where my mouth couldn’t reach. I could taste him leaking in my mouth as I gagged slightly, trying to take him in further.

I kept one hand pumping as I let myself catch my breath, as I placed little kisses down his shaft, my spit coating him. I slowly licked down the vein on the underside of his dick, making Rip’s legs twitch at the sensation. I smiled up at him, enjoying seeing him at my mercy for once.

“Don’t tease me now, darlin’”, Rip growled as he pushed my mouth back down onto him, setting the pace he liked.
“Look at you, so pretty with a mouth full of my dick” he praised me as his pace got faster.

Rip shuddered slightly and pulled me up off the floor. I laughed at the sudden movement, knowing it meant I won this game and he was going to be aching all day.

“Your turn, baby”, he growled in my ear, confusing me.

Before I could think, he had pushed me up against the drawers in the room. He roughly pulled down my jeans and pushed one of my legs up onto the drawers, leaving me exposed for him.

“Shit, I don’t have a condom” Rip groaned in disappointment.
“I have an IUD and you’re the only person I’ve slept with since I last got tested” I spoke fast, hoping this wouldn’t end up in more disappointment after this morning.
“I’ve never fucked without a condom baby” he whispered.

He ran the head of his dick over my exposed pussy before forcing himself inside of me with one thrust. I couldn’t avoid the nose that fell out of my mouth. He usually takes a minute to open me up for him before he fits inside.

“Shhhh, be good for me baby, gotta stay quiet”, Rip whispered in my ear.

One hand wrapped around my throat as the other covered my mouth. His pace was relentless, my head fell back onto his chest as he fucked me from behind. He let his hand fall from my mouth as he tipped my head to look down at me, mouth open with pleasure.

“Rip, you’re going to bruise my cervix”, I pleaded with him.
“Good girl, you just take it for me”, he growled.

Footsteps. Fuck.

We stopped, trying to breathe quietly as his dick was still inside of me. Every second felt like an hour.

“Rip?”
“Lainey?”
Lloyd shouted, his footsteps stopping just outside the door.

Both of our eyes opened wide, yet we didn’t move a muscle. A smirk found its way onto Rip’s face as he stared down at me. He slowly started to thrust, long and deep. His hand clamped over my mouth again, harder this time, just in time to hide my moans.

“Shit, I dunno where they’ve gone” Lloyd exclaimed confused.

Rip didn’t stop his slow agonising pace. The pain and pleasure of him hitting my cervix from this angle had me squeezing my eyes shut as hard as possible.

We heard the footsteps move away from us and through the barn. Once they were completely gone, Rip started thrusting faster.

“Such a good girl for me baby, almost caught getting that pretty, little pussy fucked” Rip praised me, one hand moving to grip my hip.
“Fuck it hurts so good Rip” I spoke between gasps.
“My fucking dirty girl, you like it when it hurts don’t you baby?” his grip on my hip got tighter, making sure he left a bruise.

He moved his hand down to my clit and started gently drawing circles on it with his fingertip, all need of me being quiet going out of the window. He knows how to work my body perfectly, my legs shaking at his touch. The hard, rough thrusts matched with a gentle touch had me falling apart in his arms, struggling to keep myself up.

“You gonna cum for me baby? Cum on my dick, let me feel it” Rip whispered in my ear feeling me tighten around him.

I saw stars as the orgasm washed over me as I squeezed his dick. I felt him stiffen as my orgasm tipped him over the edge. Groaning as he filled me up with his cum. The tack room was filled with the sound of our heavy breathing as we both came down. He withdrew from me and pulled my jeans back up, fastening them for me.

It took one look at each other, and we both couldn’t hold in our laughter at just how close we got to being caught.

“Fuck that was a close one cowboy” I laughed relieved that we didn’t get caught in the act.
“That was all your idea, baby,” he smiled, “want me to bring the chaps home tonight?” he teased as he did up his jeans.
“I think it’s best they stay here, I dunno if I can handle another round of that”, I joked as I kissed him.

We gave ourselves a few moments to gain our composure before heading out of the barn, knowing they were all looking for us made it that bit more awkward.

“What's the excuse, Rip?” I suddenly panicked.
“I dunno baby, that I wanted to try and get you pregnant in the barn?” Rip spoke seriously, colour disappearing from my face.

“I’m joking, darlin',” he laughed at my reaction, placing a pick between his teeth.
“Don’t joke about that”, I groaned, “Serious answer now, please, handsome”
“Shit I don’t know, you wanted to take your camera back home?” he looked deep in thought as we tried to plot our story.

As we stepped out of the barn, all the wranglers were there. Closer than I would have wanted them to be, knowing that at times we weren’t as quiet as we should have been. I tried to control the blush that was about to take over my cheeks as they spotted us.

“Where did you guys go? Was shouting you?” Lloyd asked suspiciously.
“Had to head back to the house for a minute”, Rip placed his hands on his belt, trying to stay composed.
“Heard some weird noise in the barn, went to investigate, but they stopped. Will keep an eye on the horses,” Lloyd filled us in.

My cheeks were burning as Rip coughed to clear his throat, mask slipping slightly as I saw the signs of a smile making its way onto his face. I stepped to the side and lit a cigarette, partly to excuse myself for a second and partly because I needed a post sex nicotine hit.

“Which one of you dipshits are doing the supply run?” Rip changed the subject.
“Me and Colby, Lainey is coming with us too” Ryan held the truck keys up.
“Okay, rest of you with me”, Rip signalled the cowboys.

“Take my company card and buy yourself something pretty for me, baby” Rip handed it over to me.
“Hey, I have my money, that's okay. Do we need anything for the house?” I looked confused as he began to smile.
“No, baby, we’re okay. We don’t need condoms anymore,” he whispered.
“You two get her back safe”, he stared Ryan and Colby down.

We jumped into Ryan’s truck, and I learnt not long after being here that he had been given Rip’s truck to come and get me from the airport. It’s not that his truck isn’t nice, it’s just a slightly lower standard compared to Rip and John's. Still, it does us fine, and I have grown to love supply runs in it. Music blasting and us joking the whole way, I loved the ranch life, but it’s nice to get out sometimes.

Now I’ve joined a few times, I’m pretty sure I could do the drive on my own. It's weird, all the roads look the same, yet it becomes second nature after a few drives. Ryan was driving, I’m in the passenger seat, and Colby is in the back. He had a tantrum, slightly like a toddler about always having to go in the back every time now, which just amused Ryan and me even more.

I would feel guilty, but I’m only here for a while, and then their regular scheduled routine can begin again.

“Is it true that all British people know how to drive stick?” Ryan asked, turning the music down slightly.
“Yeah, pretty much everyone learns in a manual, and almost all first cars are. Not as much of a flex over there than it is here,” I replied.
“I’ve never met one girl who can actually drive stick, y’all just like to lie about it”, Colby teased from the back seat.

“What a fucking weird lie that would be?” I said, laughing.
“Been proved many times, hasn’t it, Ryan?” he encouraged.
“Yeah, I agree with him, sorry Lainey, you lose this one”, Ryan teased.

“Wow you guys are making out like I told you i’m a fucking F1 driver or something, gears are easy. It’s something you do without even thinking about it?” I felt slightly lost in such an American conversation.

“Hmmm, if you say so”, Colby said as he stared out of the window.
“Are you guys really doing this?” The frustration was clear in my voice, knowing what they were up to.

“I can drive manual, sorry stick," I mocked them, “but I don’t know about driving on the wrong side of the road”
“See, you don’t sound so confident, Little Lanes” Ryan knew they were about to get the rise they were wanting out of me.

“Right, fuck it. Pull over,” I looked around at the empty road we were on.
“Ooo, she’s gonna show us”, Colby mocked, shaking my shoulder.
“Ten dollars from each of you when I park up in town?” I felt cocky now.
“Deal, pull over, Ryan”

Ryan now looked slightly unsure, probably because it’s his truck that's at risk if I mess this up. I’ve been driving manual cars for nearly eight years; the only issue I’m going to have is staying on the right side of the road. Helps that there isn’t much traffic around here, though, I don’t have to worry about wiping anyone out until I’ve gotten used to it and we approach town.

“Right, give me a second to get my bearings, please”, I asked as I sat in the driver's seat.
“See, she’s bottling it already”, they laughed as I adjusted the seat.
“Let’s go pussies” I put the truck into gear and set off.

I couldn’t resist the smug look on my face as I drove perfectly, dropping into fourth gear. I don’t know the speeds around here well enough to put my foot down as I would if I were in my car.

“Proved your point, Lainey, but with this speed we’ll get to town tomorrow” Colby could never fully admit when he’s wrong.
“Fine”, I put more pressure on the gas until we were in sixth gear.

It seemed like I was driving a lot faster than we usually do around here, and they’re the ones who truly know the roads. I put it out of my mind and hummed along to the Tyler Childers song on the radio.

“Is that a? FUCK”

When I opened my eyes, there was smoke coming from the engine in front of us. I could feel something warm on my face, so I wiped it with the sleeve of my flannel. Blood. I looked around the truck, and both Colby and Ryan were sitting in silence, mouths hanging open.

We were smashed against one of the fences securing a pasture. The front of the truck looked like a crushed-up Coke can. The weight of what he was seeing seemed to hit Ryan, his truck was not going to be repairable. You could tell without even getting out to assess the damage properly.

“Was that a fucking bear!?” I exclaimed.

There was a moment of silence before a small laugh came out of Colby’s mouth, and it spread around the truck as we all joined in on the laughter, knowing we were all okay.

“Shit, does this mean i’m not getting my money?” I laughed harder, “in my defence, that was not my driving that was the problem, it was the fucking bear”
“20 bucks is the least of our worries, we’re gonna have to call for help”, Ryan sighed.

We sat in silence for a second, all just looking ahead.

“Shotgun not calling Rip”, I shouted as I opened the door and got out of the truck.
“I second that”, Colby added as he got out.

“Aw shit, so my truck gets totalled and i’m going to be killed? Amazing, thanks, guys,” Ryan rubbed his hand over his face aggressively.

“Rip, gonna need your help. There's been an accident,” Ryan whispered, bracing himself for what was to come.
“A car accident”
“She’s okay, her face is busted up”, he winced, looking at me.
“Fuck, Rip it wasn’t me, I wasn’t driving” the words fell out of his mouth before thinking.

He held the phone away from his ear as Rip shouted down the phone.

We all hopped the fence and sat on the grass, just staring at the truck. The thought of Rip arriving had us all sitting in silence, this wasn’t going to go down well with him. It could have been worse though, it could have been a lot fucking worse.

It took us forty minutes to get to where we were on the drive into town, it took Rip 19 minutes exactly to get to the wreck. We had all stood up like kids waiting to get called into the principal's office at school as soon as we heard his truck coming towards us. The car slammed to a halt, the door opening, and Rip ran towards me, jumping the fence like it wasn’t even there.

He grabbed my head in his hands, assessing my face for damage. There was fear in his eyes, something I never expected to see in Rip. I didn’t think he was made with that emotion. His entire life was built around being fearless, but here, with my head in his hands, it was clear for anyone to see.

“Fuck” he whispered gently, “you okay baby? Where does it hurt?”
“I’m okay, think I hit my face a bit, lip is busted, and I can feel a black eye coming, but I didn’t hit my actual head” I spoke honestly, trying to reassure him.

He looked scared to take his eyes off me, like I was going to fall if he wasn’t holding me up.

“Who was fucking driving if you weren’t Ryan?” Rip hissed; the anger he was feeling towards the wrangler was not being held back.

“Lainey, Lainey was driving”, Ryan stuttered.
“Tell me one good reason why Lainey would be fucking driving!?” I placed my hands over Rip’s, knowing my touch usually calms him down.

“It was my idea, I wanted to show them I could drive a manual. It doesn’t matter, though, we’re all okay, including the bear. Well, other than the truck,” I cringed, “Ryan, I’m so sorry, I’ll get it sorted out for you” The guilt hit me at what I had done.

“The fucking bear!? What fucking bear!?” Rip was about to lose his shit.

“Can you take me home, please, Rip?” I whispered, knowing my words would calm him slightly.

“You two get the fuck in now” he demanded setting them both walking.
“I thought I had lost you, baby”, Rip exhaled as he locked eyes with me.
“I’m here, cowboy, I’m okay” I placed a gentle kiss on his lips, wincing slightly from the cut on mine.

Silence filled the truck as we set off driving back to the ranch. The tow truck had confirmed they were only a few minutes away, but Rip didn’t want to wait. He was still vibrating with anger once we were back with Ryan and Colby.

“What does anyone want to listen to?” I tried to lighten the mood.
“The fucking air conditioning” Rip bit immidiately and I had to fight a smile at such a him response.

He drove the rest of the way back with a tight grip on my thigh with one hand. Squeezing tighter every time a new wave of anger hit him, it seemed to relieve him with each squeeze. The soothing effect we have on each other is something I’ve never experienced before. Just a touch of each other and we relax.

We pulled up at the bunkhouse, and Rip led me over to the vet he had called in to check us all out. Nothing major on any of us, as I had expected. Just my face was a little worse for wear, but it would heal in a few days. This seemed to reassure Rip, who had paced the room the full time as she checked me over.

I curled up on the sofa whilst Rip fixed us something to eat. I don’t think two minutes have passed without him coming over to check on me. The last time, he brought a blanket with him to place over me whilst he cooked.

I reassured him for the 400th time that I was okay after we finished up eating, I offered to do the dishes too as a way of persuasion, which got me a stare that pushed me further into my seat on the sofa.

Rip quickly went upstairs to get changed, returning in a black long-sleeve t-shirt that hung to the muscles in his arms and those red pyjama pants.
“You look fucking hot, but I think i’m too tired for sex” I joked sleepily.
“None of that tonight, baby”, he played with my hair as I let my head fall onto his lap.

“Oh, wait, actually”, I sat up and grabbed my phone, “we’re matching now, gotta take a picture of this”, I laughed.
“I ain’t ever took one of these darlin’”, Rip laughed as I flipped the camera onto us both.
“Let's do tough faces, to match our blackeyes”
“I think you’ll find my face is always tough”, Rip faked offence as he put on his typical angry stare, squinting his eyes slightly.

I fired off a few photos, ending with us laughing and a final one of him kissing my forehead.

We spent the next few hours cuddled up on the sofa, a cosy blanket placed across both of us. We talked about anything and everything, learning as much as we could about each other. There wasn’t a moment of silence between us, we had so much to learn and so little time left. We laughed at silly childhood stories, we let shock take over our faces at stories of our stupid moments and let our faces soften when the conversations turned serious.

“Do you want kids, darlin’?” Rip asked as he looked down at me.

“That's a hard one. I never thought I would live past 18, so it wasn’t something I ever really considered for myself. I’m terrified of babies, but as I’ve got older, I’ve come around to the idea”
I thought for a second before continuing, we’ve been honest with each other all evening, so there's no point in stopping now.

“My issue has been i’m shit scared of having a kid to someone who was then a shit dad. That scares me, I don’t want them to have to go through the stuff I had to growing up. After my ex, I had pretty much resigned myself to just having cats, they would make me happy” I tried to end it on a lighter note.

“Not dogs?” Rip asked.
“No, I like dogs, but I wouldn’t have my own. I love cats,” I smiled, thinking of mine back home.
“Shit I hate dogs, cats I think I could come around to” Rip laughed to himself.
“What about you, Rip? Do you want them?” I passed the question to him.

“Your answer is better than mine baby and i’m sorry life handed itself to you the way it did, but fuck am I glad it landed you here and you did last past 18” he smiled as he looked me in the eyes.

“That didn’t answer the question, cowboy” I wanted his answer now he’s had mine.

He exhaled deeply before answering.

“I never wanted kids, not one bit of me. My bloodline ends with me. I always thought the world never needed another one of me. Then, a little while ago, something changed. I was just going about my day, and then I saw something that spun my head, darlin’. Now I’m not against the idea at all”.

He didn’t take his eyes off mine for one second.

Chapter Text

Rip suddenly tightened his hold on me, my eyelids fluttering open in response.
“What’s…”
“Shhhh, baby”, Rip whispered almost inaudibly.

Three loud knocks at the door.

“Shit, ain’t no one called me” Rip was on edge and still gripping me tight with one arm as he checked his phone.
“Listen to me, darlin’, you stay here. Do not get out of this fuckin’ bed, okay?” he placed a kiss on my lips before getting out of bed.

I nodded sleepily, yet was alarmed in response to him. I didn’t move a muscle as I watched him silently throw some clothes on. Even in a moment of panic like this, he put his jeans on instead of my favourite pyjama pants, which usually would have amused me.

It was still dark outside, adding another level of creepiness to the situation. I watched from under the sheets as Rip grabbed the rifle he, of course, keeps in the bedroom, just in case. As soon as he left the room, I felt fear. My mind started betraying me, convinced the bedroom window was about to be shattered and someone was going to get me whilst Rip wasn’t close enough to protect me.

“Fuck” I whispered to myself.

I ran my hand up and down my face to wake myself up as I made my way out of bed as quietly as possible. I threw on Rip’s black long-sleeve t-shirt, not wanting to be naked in this moment and snuck out onto the landing to watch what was happening.

Rip is going to be pissed I didn’t listen to him, but I just wanted to be able to see him. If I could see him, then I’m way more protected than being trapped in the bedroom on my own, is what my brain has convinced me.

I bent down to hide in the shadows as Rip creeped his way up to the door, rifle cocked and ready. As his hand touched the handle, another knock sounded, making me jump. I slapped my hand across my mouth to quiet my heavy breathing.

Rip about tore the door off its hinges with one strong pull. I was even more confused when no one was visible in front of him. Maybe this is just a weird dream, and I’m actually still asleep, safely in my cowboy’s arms?

Rip exhaled and set the rifle against the wall next to his legs. What the fuck is going on? Why would he do that if someone was out there? My brain was running 100mph with questions.

“Dad and grandpa told me to come here, they went out early”, a little voice spoke.
“They did, huh? Shit, who taught you to knock like that Tate?” a relieved laugh fell from Rip’s mouth as he stepped out of the way to let Tate through.
“Hi Lainey”, Tate waved happily from the bottom of the stairs.

Busted.

Rip’s head swung around in the direction Tate had spotted me. His jaw clamped shut as he shook his head at me slowly. I’m in trouble.

“Hey, Tate, are you okay?” I avoided Rip’s eyes on me as I stood from my not-so-secret hiding place.
“Have you guys got any cartoons I can watch?” the boy smiled as he made his way to the sofa.

Rip grabbed the TV remote and switched it over to a kids' channel for Tate as I stood in the same spot, not quite wanting to go downstairs. It’s way too early for me to want to have this conversation with Rip.

“Stay here, Tate, I need to have a chat with Lainey” Rip’s eyes were back to burning holes into me.
“Sounds like you’re in trouble, Lainey”, Tate spoke without looking away from the screen.

I stood still as Rip slowly made his way back up the stairs towards me. I felt childish, like I was about to be put on the naughty step or something. I’m not good with authority in situations like this. I already know I fucked up, so I don’t need the scolding too. I waited until Rip was just reaching the last step, and then I ran.

“Not a chance”, Rip growled in my ear, one arm wrapped across my front, securing me against him.

Now i’m double fucked. I couldn’t avoid the smile that took over my face. Way to make it worse for myself. Rip walked us into the bedroom, not letting his grip on me loosen once. He gently closed the door behind us. It felt weird to see after how hard he opened the door for Tate.

He placed me down on the edge of the bed as he stood in front of me, his face expressionless.

“You gonna explain to me why you didn’t listen to the one instruction I gave you, baby?” He spoke in a teasing tone.
“I did listen, then I kept feeling like someone was gonna bust through the window, and you wouldn’t have been near me. I thought if I could see you, then it would be safer” No point in lying now.

“You didn’t listen, if you did, then you would still be in bed waiting for me” Rip took a step closer to me.

“Well, if something happened, I didn’t want to be naked”, I laughed awkwardly.
“Are you going to listen to me next time, baby?” Rip tilted my head up to look him in the eyes.

The intense look on his face made me break eye contact quickly.

“I’m sorry, I freaked out a bit. I will listen next time, Rip” I felt bad for stressing him out even more now.

“Good girl, now roll over”, he demanded quietly.
“Huh? Roll over?” The change in conversation confused me.
“Roll. Over.”

The arousal was clear in his voice and expression. Maybe just wearing his t-shirt in this moment was the best move I could have made. Knowing what was about to happen had me trying to hide the red coming to my face. This is something we had discussed randomly one night, and I’m glad he remembered it.

His hands were on me, positioning me so I was lying on my stomach. I instinctively tried to pull down his shirt to cover my exposed ass.

“No, if you’re gonna be dressed like this when you decide not to listen to me about protecting you, then there's only one thing for it” Rip’s voice was still hushed, knowing we have company downstairs.

He took a seat on the edge of the bed and pulled me across his lap, his erection poking my stomach as he gently stroked and caressed my exposed skin. His hand came down hard on my cheek, the burning sensation hitting instantly. My hand moved to try and soothe the burning skin, but was stopped by Rip. He held both of my wrists in one of his hands as the other traced the outline of his hand left on my skin.

“Two more, baby, are you going to stay quiet for me?” he cooed as he admired his work.
“I promise,” I spoke through gritted teeth as I awaited the next two spanks.

These two came fast, leaving me wriggling slightly against the erection in his jeans, earning a groan from Rip. He soothed me gently, letting my wrists go now that it was over, and I had sat well for him.

“Such a good girl, taking your punishment, baby”, he whispered, knowing what his praise does to me.

One of his hands continued gently stroking the red handprints left behind as the other dropped down.

“Oh, darlin’, did you get turned on? This little pussy is dripping for me” he teased as his fingertip ran up and down my slit, a small moan falling from my lips.

“It’s a shame I’m not going to touch you, isn’t it, baby?” he lifted me so I was straddling him instead, my head falling on his shoulders with a sigh of frustration.

We sat like that for a moment, his hands gently stroking my back as he placed kisses on my head.

“You okay, baby? Was that too much?” My tough cowboy sought my reassurance.
“All okay, babe, probably going to hurt to sit today”, I laughed, his expression relaxed.
“Good, listen to me next time, please. I will never let anything happen to you, darlin’, you’re safe with me” he placed kisses all over my face, making me smile.

“Let's get you back to sleep, you had a heavy day yesterday. You need more sleep,” he ushered me back under the covers.
“Guess I’m gonna go watch some cartoons”, Rip laughed as he tucked me in.

The smell of breakfast cooking made its way up to the bedroom, softly waking me from my second lot of sleep. When John found out about the accident yesterday, he had given Rip the day off to keep an eye on me today, so it was a slightly longer sleep than I had been used to recently.

I threw on some joggers, a sweatshirt and my Crocs and made my way out of the bedroom. I was quiet as I made my way down the stairs, wanting to see what Rip and Tate were getting up to. The TV was still playing kids' shows, but both of them were leaning over the stove. Rip had pushed a chair up so Tate could kneel on it, so he could help out.

I watched from the front room, Rip giving Tate instructions that he was listening to intently, following each instruction. There was something so innocent about the scene that sat heavy on my heart. Rip deserves this in his future: a family, a real family.

“Lainey! We’re making you breakfast,” Tate beamed when he spotted me watching them.
“It smells incredible, Tate, did you make it all?” I matched his excitement.
“Rip said I could say it was all me, but he did most of it” A gravelly laugh came out of Rip at Tate's honesty.

“How you feeling, baby? Keep stirring those eggs, Tate” he made his way over to me, assessing the bruising on my face.
“What was it you said? Never been better, needed that extra sleep. How are you?” I smiled.
“Good, we’ve been watching fuckin’ dog police or something”, Rip shrugged.
“Paw Patrol, Rip”, Tate corrected him, making us both laugh.

Tate and I took our seats at the table as Rip dished up the breakfast for us. The grin on Tate's face when he looked down at what he’d helped make was so incredibly cute to watch, it left a content smile on my face too.

“This looks sooo good, thank you both”, I praised them, mainly Tate, but I know how happy it makes Rip when he cooks us a proper breakfast, we can sit and eat.

I watched Tate as he started devouring his as fast as possible; his plate was empty before me, and Rip was even halfway through ours.

“Shit that was good, can I have another plate?” Tate exclaimed.
“No cussing at the table”, Rip warned him as we both tried to hold back our laughter.
“You cuss all the time, you owed me ten dollars before we started making breakfast” Tate looked confused at how Rip could even comment on cussing.
“I ain’t paying you ten fuckin’ dollars”, Rip laughed.
“11 and five extra for cussing at the table!” Tate said without skipping a beat.

Watching Rip and Tate interact was melting my heart. I couldn’t help but think back to Rip’s comments about having kids last night. I couldn’t help the feeling of jealousy when he talked about seeing someone who changed it all for him. It could have never been us, we both know that, but it didn’t help the feeling.

We always knew we only had eight weeks, maybe we were stupid to have done this. I feel more for the cowboy sitting in front of me than any man I have ever been with. Trust it to be my luck that the man who is everything I have ever wanted in a man will live across the globe from me. At least when I’m gone, he’ll be able to move on with his life and have the family he wants. She’ll be a lucky woman. One I hope to never even see a picture of.

Rip’s hand on mine pulled me out of my thoughts.

“You okay? Tate got his horse and wants to go and get him out after breakfast. You up for that?” he looked at me, concerned.
“Shit, yeah I’m okay just zoned out a bit. I’m up for that,” I smiled at him.
“You sure? Your head ain’t hurting right?” The concern is clear on his face.
“Honestly, I’m just fine. Was just daydreaming,” I shrugged it off.

“Are you two getting married?” Tate asked innocently.
Rip choked slightly on his coffee, coughing to clear his throat as I laughed with shock at the question.
“No, we’re not getting married, Tate. Why did you think that?”I asked, amused still at Rip’s reaction.

“I heard my dad and grandpa talking about how they think you might be boyfriend and girlfriend, and that's what you do after that, right? You get married?” Kids always let the secrets slip. Rip’s face continued getting redder and redder.
“We’re not boyfriend and girlfriend, Tate, I’m only here for a little while, and then I have to go home, back to England. If I ever do get married, I will make sure to invite you, though, dude” This seemed to make the boy happy.

Rip’s face didn’t seem as happy when I looked over, it was an expression I hadn’t seen before. He looked distant, his jaw was clamped as it usually is when he’s deep in thought, but his eyes had a sadness to them.

I stood from the table and placed a hand on Rip’s shoulder as I went to reach for his plate. His hand clamped over mine tightly, his thumb rubbing little circles on my hand.

“You wanna watch some more cartoons whilst we clean up Tate?” I asked so that Rip and I could have a moment; something was clearly on his mind.
“Yes, please”, the boy made his way over to the sofa and lay down on it.

I started running my hand, the one not stuck under Rip’s grip, through his hair. Those black curls get me every time, and he enjoyed the touch, relaxing instantly every time my hands made their way there.

“What's up, cowboy?” I bent to whisper in his ear, his back still towards me.
“You think you’ll get married back home?” his voice was quiet.
“No, I don’t think I will. Never thought I will, I’m too fucked up for anyone to marry” I joked, hoping it would lighten Rip’s mood.

It was silent for a moment before Rip stood to wrap his arms around my waist, looking down into my eyes. His piercing blue ones, I could get lost in for hours, looked sad.

“That’s not true, baby, any fuckin’ man on this earth would be lucky to have you” he took a deep breath.
“I’m not going home and getting married, that is something you don’t need to worry about” I gave him a gentle smile as I rested my arms over his shoulders.

“Sure look like boyfriend and girlfriend”, Tate shouted from the sofa.
This time we both laughed.

Half an hour later, we were out by the barn, Tate introducing us to his new horse.

“What are you calling him, Tate?” Rip asked the boy, who was jumping with excitement.
“Lucky! That's a cool name, right?” Tate sought Rip’s approval.
“Super cool name, Tate” The kid's smile was contagious.

“Will you take some pictures of him, Lainey?” he asked.
“Of course, I’ll take some now”, I moved to get the horse in frame.
“Can we do some outside too? I have ideas,” his response made me laugh.
“You’ll have to ask Rip that dude, but I’m happy to follow your instructions for photos”

Rip led the young horse out to the arena slowly, letting the horse get a sense of where he was. I had never really been around young horses, only ones that had been trained and knew what they were doing, so I followed his footsteps.

Tate couldn’t help but try and micromanage us walking him out. Any wrangler doing this would have led to a pissed Rip Wheeler, but it being Tate just put a grin on his face, amused by the little cowboy.

Once we got to the arena, it was my turn to listen to Tate, making sure I got all of the pictures he wanted, at the angles he thought best. The horse was kind and gentle, perfect for Tate to learn to raise until Lucky is old enough to be broken.

Rip leaned against the fence on the inside of the arena with one arm around Tate, making sure he kept his balance, as he sat on the top beam of the fence. They were both watching me intently when I turned to look at them. I snapped a quick picture of them both, it was too cute not to. At this exact moment, I would find it difficult to deny being broody; never felt that before in my life, but right now it was real, seeing Rip being so paternal.

The sound of horses coming our way pulled all of our attention. John and Kayce came to a stop next to the arena.

“Dad! Me and Rip made Lainey breakfast, and she’s been taking pictures of Lucky” Tate beamed at his father and grandad.
“Sounds like a good morning, buddy”, Kayce replied.
“Can I get some photos of me with him? Lainey said I had to wait to ask you,” he looked between them both.
“Go for it, as long as Lainey’s happy to do it”, I nodded as Rip helped him into the arena.

“Can add babysitting to my list of talents”, Rip spoke to both of the Duttons.
“Figured if you were keeping an eye on Lainey, you would be fine to keep an eye on Tate. Well, Lainey would,” John laughed.
“Never a true day off” Rip turned his attention back to me and Tate.

“Speaking of that, need you tonight, Rip. Bring Lloyd and Ryan, gonna be a late one,” John instructed as he and Kayce headed back to the barn.

Rip watched on silently as I showed Tate how to take some pictures himself, me putting as much excitement into it as possible for him. He struggled on the first few and then got the hang of it, over the moon with every one he took himself. When we were done, he ran over to Rip to show him the ones he took, so proud of himself.

Rip took Lucky back to the barn and sent Tate back over to the main house when the horse was safely back in. I hung around the back of the barn having a cigarette, not wanting Tate to see the bad habit.

Quiet days around here were such a gift; it was weird not having the wranglers around as they were out working, but the stillness was beautiful. I let myself soak it in whilst I smoked, unsure of when I’ll have another moment like this.

“Wanna head home, baby?” Rip found me.
“Sure, let me just enjoy the quietness for another moment” I wasn’t ready to leave just yet.

I finished smoking and turned to him, always watching me instead of the beauty around us.

“Ready?” he asked.
“Yes, sir, just wanted to enjoy the moment,” I replied with a smile.
“Gimme a kiss, baby”, Rip smirked.
“No, I just smoked” I shook my head.
“I like it when you taste like smoke. Will think of your kiss every time I smell a cigarette, darlin’,” he pulled me into him.

I got straight to editing Tate’s photos as soon as we got into the house; his excitement was never gonna lead to patience, so I figured it was best to get them done soon. Rip sat next to me on the sofa, watching me work. He was mostly silent, other than when he would ask questions about changes I had just made, which I was happy to answer. We had my playlist on in the background as the time ticked by.

“I’m gonna be home late tonight, Mr Dutton's request. You gonna be okay?” Rip asked as he played with my hair gently.
“I’ll be fine, Rip”, I smiled, “I live on my own at home, you know?”
“That's different, baby”, he laughed.
“I’ll still be here when you get back. I’ll go annoy the bunkhouse tonight when I’m done with some more editing, and I’ll get one of them to walk me back. Happy?” I teased.
“Not Walker”, his response made me laugh.

I kissed Rip goodbye when he dropped me off at the bunkhouse, not wanting to risk me walking over on my own, apparently, but I think it was more that he wanted to spend as much time with me as possible before he had to head out. Either way, it was cute. I like his protectiveness.

“Can I beat your arses at some card games for a bit?” I spoke as I made my way to the table in there.
“We ain’t playing none of those English games”, Walker replied as he joined me.
“You’re all just scared of me taking all your money again”, I teased.
“Fuck yeah we are, clear us out every time” Colby added.

I spent a couple of hours there enjoying the outbursts whenever I won, usually from Jimmy, who I’m pretty sure was yet to win a single game in his entire time on the ranch. Jake and I had played pretty similarly, taking most of the winnings of the night.

“Good job, you’re better at cards than roping, hey Jake?” I said with a sarcastic smile.
“The fuck, I thought we were on the same team tonight Lainey?” Jake got wound up instantly as usual.
“It was a compliment, Jake. Now, who wants to walk me home? Rip said one of you has to” I rolled my eyes.

“I’ll walk ya over, Lainey”, Walker replied first, the one person Rip didn’t want.
“We will too,” Colby sensed the hesitation and offered him and Jimmy into it.
“Thanks, guys,” I nodded at Colby.

It ended up taking way longer than it would have if I had just walked on my own. The majority of the walk was me and Walker watching Jimmy and Colby wrestle on the floor. Typical boys, when they have some alcohol in their system. Jimmy was getting his ass beat, but was still convinced he was winning which did make the situation amusing.

After saying my thank yous and having a smoke on the porch, I made my way inside and took my laptop and Stanley upstairs. I was going to be editing for a little while, so I set my alarm for midnight so I would go to bed at a reasonable time. With most of my equipment still being in the spare room, that’s where I headed.

I got through some more photos, making sure everything was uploaded and copied onto two different hard drives so nothing could get lost. It felt good to get so much admin and a bit of editing done before my bedtime alarm went off. I figured I would just sleep in this bed, without knowing what time Rip was going to come back home. It felt weird being in bed alone. I’ve learnt to sleep with Rip holding on to me no matter what.

“Lainey!” A shout made me open my eyes just as the bedroom door burst open.
“Fuck” Rip let out a relieved sigh, “why are you in here? Why aren’t you in our bed?”

Our bed. Our. Bed. His words spun my head slightly.

“I was in here working, it just made sense” I rubbed at my eyes sleepily..
“C’mon, baby,” Rip lifted me from the bed.
“Rip, I’m too fuckin’ heavy for that, I can walk” I struggled against him.
“I got you”, he smiled, and he walked with me with no issue.

He gently placed me down on my side of the bed, tucking me in as usual. It was only now that I realised he had blood on his face.

“Fuck, Rip are you okay? There's blood on you?” I couldn’t hide the panic.
“It’s not mine, darlin’, I’m okay. Just gonna get a shower, then I’ll join you,” he reassured me.

I thought over his words whilst he was in the shower. Our bed? I don’t know how to take that, but it rolled off his lips so easily. With no second thought at all, he meant what he said. Ours. The shower turning off brought me back to reality.

Rip returned to the bedroom after drying himself off, climbing into bed next to me, holding out his arm for me to go under it. The feel of his heartbeat under my head always soothed my brain. I traced the Y branded on his chest next to my head with my fingertips.

“Did you kill someone tonight?” I asked without thinking.
“Yes”, he replied, a hint of shame in his voice.
“Did they deserve it?”
“To me, yes, to others maybe not”, he sighed.

“Rip?” I asked quietly.
“Yes, baby?” He tilted my head to look at him.
“You know, when I leave here, we’re never going to see each other again, right?” I whispered.
“Shit, that ain’t something I want to think about. Go to sleep, baby,” he stroked my face gently.

Chapter Text

It was official, I am in my last stretch of time at the ranch. The feeling of having to go home soon keeps looming over me. Knowing that some things we’re doing now might be for the last time has deflated my mood slightly. At the beginning, it seemed like I had forever to spend here, and now the reality of that is hitting me.

John had brought up the idea of ‘summer camp’ a few days ago, and everyone had seemed excited about it. Rip was slightly apprehensive, on the basis that we won’t get any one-on-one time together for a few days, when time was already running out for us.

I hated seeing him hung up on the thought of me leaving, so I had pushed the idea that it’ll be nice for us to go and have some time away from the actual ranch. Like a vacation, which seemed to pull him out of his bad mood slightly.

The wranglers had been getting the brunt of his frustrations, and I felt guilty about it. He had been holding me tighter at every opportunity, barely letting me out of his sight whenever possible.

One part of me is not looking forward to having to sleep without Rip for a few nights, the other thinks maybe it’s a good idea to start breaking the dependency now. Not wanting to be without him for one night is winning, though.

“You ready, baby?” Rip nuzzled his head in my neck, his beard giving me goosebumps.
“Just one more minute?” I pleaded.
“Whatever you want, honey”, he trailed kisses up my neck to my ear.

We are currently sitting on the porch, putting off having to get out for the day. Our new routine is me sitting on Rip’s lap as I have my morning smoke, looking out onto the mountains. His arms wrapped around me, holding me as close to him as possible. If we could, I’m pretty sure both of us would happily spend our lives sitting out here.

“Okay, let's go, cowboy”, I broke the comfortable silence
“One more minute”, he laughed quietly.
“You’re fucking cute, no one knows it other than me and I love it” I teased the burly cowboy.
“Shit, it’ll only ever be you baby. Gotta keep my reputation up,” he put on a fake stern face.

I took my opportunity and kissed him. Gentle and quick at first, until he started to deepen it. Our tongues are moving in sync against each other. I sucked on his softly, knowing how wild it sends him, the groan from his mouth confirming it. Then I jumped up off his lap, leaving him looking grumpy with the outline of his erection in his jeans.

“C’mon cowboy, we have shit to do” I poked my tongue out playfully.
“I’m gonna get you back for that baby, once tonight is over you’re going to be begging for my dick” he ran his hand over the outline of it, knowing how much that turns me on.
“I’m closing my eyes now, Rip. We have to go” I threw my head back. If I look at him, we’re going to be late.
“You don’t want to watch me stroke my dick darlin’?” his voice was so low and dirty I immediately felt my pussy react.

“Rip, not funny. Come on,” my eyes were still squeezed shut.
“Your loss”, he laughed as he stood up. This man knows how to get me.
“Let’s go find you some chaps, darlin’” he grabbed my hand and covered it in his as we started the walk over.

My hand in his is something I’ll never get over. His were so much bigger than mine and his fingers are always going to hold a special place in my heart and well my vagina, there’s no denying that.

We gave the horses their breakfast, ready for the long ride out today. It was going to be a few hours just to get out there, so Rip was insisting on my having a pair of chaps too because of the bush we’re going to have to ride through.

Once the horses were happy, we went on the hunt for some chaps. We tried the proper equipment store room at first, where he was sure he would find a pair. We came across quite a few pairs, but Rip wasn’t happy with them. There is one pair in particular he has in mind for me.

The tack room was the final place they might be, or we would just have to go with one of the pairs from the other store room, which seemed perfectly fine to me. As soon as the door shut behind us, both of our minds went back to the last time we were both in here.

“Keep your mind on the task, cowboy”, I reminded him as soon as his eyes gave away his thoughts.
“Got another task we can complete, darlin’”, and he was on me.

In one swift movement, he lifted me onto the drawers where it all happened before. Our mouths pressed together, kisses sloppy and fast as our hands roamed everywhere. I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him in so I could feel the friction of the bulge in his jeans against me as I moved against it.

I gasped as Rip pulled my tank top up, exposing my bra, the rush of air making my nipples harden as he yanked the cup down to free them. He broke the kiss to move his mouth down onto my nipple, quickly teasing with the tip of his tongue.

I bit down on my finger to try and hide the moans pouring out of my mouth as his other hand pulled and squeezed my other nipple. The sensations of pleasure and pain shooting straight down into my pussy.

“Rip, fuck me, I need you to fuck me” I whispered as quietly as possible as he continued the torment of my nipples, watching as they react to his touch.

I dropped my hands from around his neck to his belt, yanking his buckle open so I could get to the buttons on his fly. I need him and I need him now.

The door flew open.

“Rip, I found…” Lloyd froze for what seemed to be a lifetime before turning on his heel quickly.
“Well shit” was all Rip said as his forehead fell against mine.

Fucking busted.

I could see the mix of emotions building on Rip’s face. Angry, horny and amused.

“Don’t you fucking dare laugh Rip, you aren’t the one who just got caught with their nipples getting sucked” I warned him, embarrassment clear on my face.
“I’m sorry, baby” The red-faced cowboy was betrayed by the sides of his lips starting to turn up.
“Rip I swear if you laugh, I’m never sucking your dick again” this tipped him over the edge.

He was fully laughing now, wrapping his arms around me to hide my face in his chest. I shook my head slowly as the laughter started in me, too. How am I ever going to look at Lloyd again?

“Fuck, baby it could have been worse” I grimaced at the thought.
“Once again, it isn’t you who just showed your tits to Lloyd, Rip. I will never be able to look him in the eyes again,” I groaned.
“He’s been cowboying a long time, believe me, it ain’t the worst thing he’ll have walked into.” Rip tried to reassure me.

We took another moment to get ourselves together before getting out of that damn tack room, i’m never going in there just me and him again. Lesson well and truly learnt. As soon as Rip opened the door, I rushed out of the barn to light a cigarette. Lloyd was standing just outside, leaning on the wall, waiting for us.

“Lloyd, I love you, but please give me a moment with some nicotine to get over that embarrassment”, I whispered as I walked to the bench just past him.

Rip instead got a slap on the shoulder as he spoke to the older cowboy.

“Bout damn time you two admitted it, not the way I would have chose to confirm it though” Lloyd spoke to Rip happily.
“Lloyd, can you do me a favour? Lainey doesn’t want people to know. Can you keep that to yourself?” Rip kept his voice hushed.
“Whatever you want, pretty sure everyone has their suspicions anyway, Pard”, Lloyd joked.

“You got that right, Lloyd. Tate asked us if we were getting married yesterday”, I shouted over.
“Shit, he did? Thats damn funny” Lloyd couldn’t hold in his laughter.

They both made their way to the bench I had taken a seat on, and it suddenly felt like I was about to have the birds and the bees conversation with my teenage boyfriend and dad. Eyes were securely fixed down to the now interesting grass on the floor.

“For what it's worth, I’m happy for you both.” Lloyd tipped his hat at me, “From the first day you were here, you affected this guy here, I ain’t never seen him like this before” It was Rip’s turn to be embarrassed.
“Thank you, old prick”, Rip tried to keep his hard exterior up.

“I mean it, wish you would stay here, Miss Lainey. You sure fit in like you belong here” he smiled at me, “and for what its worth those ain’t the first tits i’ve seen and hopefully won’t be the last”.
“Amazing, that makes it so much better”, I closed my eyes and shook my head.

“I found those chaps you were looking for, Rip. Go home and try them on, get all that out of your system before we all have to sleep near each other. Don’t wanna be overhearing anything again” Lloyd was loving the fact he had us at his mercy right now.

“Wait, was that the fuckin’ noise I heard in the barn a couple of weeks ago?” Lloyd suddenly realised.
“See you later, Lloyd”, I waved as I stood, Rip laughing at my need to escape the situation.

Rip soon caught up with me as I made a hasty retreat back to the foreman’s house. I hope more than anything that Lloyd can keep this to himself. It was bad enough being caught like that, but other people knowing we were caught like that had me thinking about bringing my flight home forward.

The chaps Rip made us search so much for, looked just like the other 36 pairs we looked at this morning, I can’t understand how he’s even sure we didn’t come across them earlier.

“Explain to me what's so special about these specific chaps, cowboy?” I asked, genuinely curious.
“Try 'em on and I’ll tell you, baby,” he threw them in my direction with a smile.

To his credit, they did weirdly fit perfectly. Sure, he’s lived more than most people ever will, but there's no way he had a chance to be a tailor or something, whatever job would make you look at someone and know what would fit. The image of him with a tape measure around his neck brought a smile to my face, definitely fucking not.

“See, knew it, perfect fit”, he looked pleased with himself.
“Somehow you did know it, now what’s so special about them, Rip?” I asked.
“They were mine when I was a boy, the first pair I bought with my own cash”, he smiled big now.
“How do you look like that yet manage to be an actual teddy bear?” I gestured up and down to him to prove my point.

He stared at me for a minute, and my childish side decided it was the perfect time to do an impression of him. I stood with my hands on my belt, tipped my hat down slightly and grabbed a fresh pick from the table to place between my teeth. No impression of Rip Wheeler could be complete without the angriest look you could muster being on your face. I squinted my eyes at him.

“Baby what in the fuck are you doing?” Rip looked equally amused and confused at the sight of me.
“I’m being you, you couldn’t tell?” I faked a pout, “Most of my outfit is yours, so my attitude and expression are too”

“You’re missing something”, he spoke through a laugh.
“What could that be? Oh wait one sec” I cleared my throat “There is no fucking fighting on this ranch. If you want to fight someone, fight me, i’ll fight you all damn day”.

“You’re my favourite person on this fucking’ planet, pretty girl. Now, come put my jacket on and let me take a picture of you. I wanna be able to see this again” The smile never left his face as he swapped his jacket for my phone.

I managed to stay in character the full time as he took pictures of me whilst he laughed his ass off at me. We made our way upstairs to grab our bags for the trip as I thought about the fact that on the first day of meeting each other, I never would have thought he even had the ability to laugh. That fucking scowl that had me wanting to fight him that now makes me want to jump his bones.

“I think I’m all good, I packed my Crocs too, just in case” I waited to hear his groan.
“Sure you don’t wanna leave those here, darlin’?” his hatred for them made me laugh every time.
“I’m telling you if you got a pair it would change your fucking life” I grinned.
“It fuckin’ would, not one person would be able to take me seriously anymore”, he shook his head in fake disgust, making it funnier.

“Fucking hater, is my outfit okay? I know we ride every day, but something about this feels different,” I asked seriously.
“Hmmm, let me see”, he mumbled as he walked over to me.

“This top is perfect for watching those boobs bouce as you ride” he grazed his knuckles just across them, my nipples immidately reacting to his attention.
“Rip, I’m being serious”, I winged, knowing where this was going to go.

“Jeans are perfect, let's see what panties you have on” he bit my neck, kissing over the mark he will have left.
“Let’s get these jeans off so I can look properly, baby” The cool air hit my skin as he yanked them down in one movement.
“I think these will be okay, darlin’, let me just check one more thing”.

Before I knew it, he had me bent over the end of the bed, caressing me from behind. Teasing me with his fingertips as he drew lines up and down my slit, humming as if he was coming to a decision.

“How am I supposed to sleep knowing you and this perfect, little pussy are in a different tent to me all alone?” he whispered as he grabbed my hips and pulled me into him.

He ground his clothed erection against me, my back arching automatically at the friction. We had teased far too much today, and I needed him more than ever in this moment. His fingers digging into my hips told me that he felt the same, but we were on a tight schedule right now.

“Rip, fuck me, now please. We don’t have much time, and I need you,” I pleaded, looking over my shoulder at him.
“Say that again, baby” he looked down at me with hooded eyes as he continued grinding against my dripping core.
“I need you, cowboy”

This was all he needed to hear. With one pull, he ripped my panties in half, completely exposing me to him. His belt was unbuckled in record time, pulling a few of the buttons on his jeans open, he freed himself from his boxers. His dick looked angry, I whimpered at the sight of it. This was going to hurt and I can’t fucking wait. I pressed myself back onto him, my bare pussy grinding against his thick dick.

“Such a needy girl, begging for my dick” Rip growled.

With one push, he forced himself inside of me, and it felt like he was ripping me in half. My eyes rolled at the struggle to adjust to his size in the best way. He moved slowly, knowing I wanted to be fucked hard and fast right now.

“Hard, please” I struggled to speak against the feeling of his dick stretching me out.

“Yeah? Fuck yourself on my dick baby” he removed his hands from my hips.

Rip completely stopped moving. I looked over my shoulder to see him staring down at me as he ran his hands through his hair. I pulled my hips forward and back down again, taking in his full length. His mouth fell open as he watched me move on him.

“That's it, good girl. Make yourself feel good on my dick” he encouraged me as I started picking up my pace.

I started moving as fast as I could, fucking myself on him as moans flowed out of my mouth at the sensations. His dick grinding against my cervix as I wiggled my hips against him. The look on his face as he watched me was fucking pornographic.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

We froze.
Not a fucking again.

Rip let out a noise that didn’t even sound human, it was purely animalistic.
“I’m going to fucking kill someone” The tone in his voice was enough to make anyone cower.

“Shit, all I want to do is fuck my girl, is that too much to fucking ask!?” I couldn’t help but laugh at his reaction as he aggressively buckled his jeans back up.

God help the person waiting at the door right now.

“There better be a good fuckin’ reason for this knock”, Rip swung the door open.

“There is”, John Dutton replied from the porch.

“Shit, sorry Sir” Rip cleared his throat before speaking again, “didn’t expect it to to be you here. Is everything good?”
“You’re late. We were meant to head off ten minutes ago. What’s going on with you? Heard you’d been late to the barn a few times too” John sounded more confused than angry.

“Sorry, Sir, must have lost track of time. Lainey is just finishing getting her camera stuff together. We’ll be there in five minutes. We can just catch you up?” Rip cleared his throat.
“Five minutes and then you will have to catch us” John looked at his watch as he walked over to his truck.

I grabbed both of our bags and headed down the stairs, another minute doesn’t need to be wasted at this moment. We need to implement a no sex rule other than after work or before our alarm, like a proper married couple or something.

I want to do it, not just because I feel bad that I keep making Rip late, but mainly because I literally cannot take one more interruption. Keeping our hands off each other over the next few days is going to be harder than either of us had originally thought.

“Let me grab them”, Rip looked annoyed that I had even touched the bags.
“I’m making us go faster, c’mon”, I urged him out of the door and to the truck.

“Baby, my balls are aching”, Rip whined as he sped over to the barn.

“You and your hand can have some fun tonight? Maybe mine and mine will too,” I teased, knowing the thought would make it worse for him.
“Fuck, how do you expect me to sleep knowing you might be touching what belongs to me darlin’?” Rip threw his head back in frustration.
“I have my Kindle, that will keep me entertained”, I gave him a cheeky smile.

“I’ve read some of that fuckin’ filthy cowboy thing you have on there”
“What? You’ve read my Kindle?” I stared at him, confused.
“Maybe”, Rip teased me back.

“Explain. When the fuck did you read it?” I’m genuinely baffled.
“The night I watched you sleep, I just wanted to know what type of books you read. Didn’t expect that filth from my innocent, little Lainey,” he grinned.
“I can’t believe you, i’m pissed at you for that and for not telling me until right now”

We jumped out of the truck, everyone watching us with our horses saddled up, also waiting for us. Rip immediately got to strapping our bags on, not wanting to hold anyone up any longer.

“She looks pissed at you” Jimmy pointed out to Rip, hesitant to look at me.
“I am,” I bit back.

Rip laughed, a full, loud, gravelly laugh as he worked quickly. All the wranglers just stared at us, confused about the current dynamic. Rip’s laugh isn’t something other people get to hear often, and right now it’s loud and clear.

I quickly greeted Bubba and climbed up into the saddle, and waved back at Tate, who was waving at me from the front of the line. The Dutton family being in front, I guessed, was a tradition, and I made a mental note to try and capture as much of that as possible, especially with Kayce and Tate sharing a horse.

Beth was notably absent, but she had made it clear to me multiple times that ranch life is her nightmare, so it wasn’t a shock. Jamie was up at the front, which shocked me; he looked unnatural on the horse he had been put on. I’m sure it’s Jake's horse; he and Ethan were staying back today to keep an eye on the ranch.

With a nod of John Dutton's head, we were off. There was an almost magical feeling about the moment, so many of us being out and ready to go at once was like something out of a movie. The sun was shining, and it felt like home, a nostalgic feeling for something I had never even felt before.

I looked over to see Rip keeping us all together at the back. I love watching him work. That serious expression makes it seem like he couldn’t possibly have anything other than negative emotions, warning everyone away. Yet he’s a big teddy bear when it's just us two.

He rode up beside me to swap positions with Lloyd. He moved his sunglasses down to shoot me a wink, which got him a quick middle finger from me. He held his free hand to his chest like he’d been shot at me, flipping him off. I fought the smile making its way to my face and failed, blowing him a quick kiss as he moved off further to the side.

We kept a steady pace, no need for us all to be rushing, as we were only fifteen minutes late, thanks to Rip being unable to keep his hands off me. My Fuji hung from my neck so I could shoot at any moment that appeared. So far, that has been a lot of landscape shots, capturing as many of the horses in the frame as possible. It seems like such an intimate ride, having the full family with us, it’s going to be a nice break.

A couple of hours later, we got to the spot, finding the cattle that are going to be watched over whilst we’re here. We’re closer to the mountain peaks here, which are standing tall behind the clearing where the tents are currently getting set up. Me and Tate had got a start on collecting wood for a fire, a task I was happy to do, so I didn’t have to try and pretend I could pitch a tent.

Gator made it known it was time for dinner just as the sun began to set, my favourite time of day. Not being sat in Rip’s lap on the porch to watch it feels wrong, and I wonder if he’s currently feeling the same. I’m so glad Gator was made a part of the trip. I was slightly worried about what the food situation was going to be like, but this meant it was going to be incredible.

I took the last drag of my cigarette from the fallen log I was sitting on as I watched everyone head over to grab their plates.

“Feel like I don’t know what to do with myself at sunset when you’re not on me, baby”, Rip whispered from behind me.
“I was just thinking that too, cowboy, I feel cold, I’m not used to that anymore”
“Sneak off with me after dinner, and I’ll warm you up” his breath on my ear sent shivers down my spine.

“We can’t, it would be more obvious than ever. Only a few days and we’ll be back to fucking on every surface in the house” I laughed.
“Was worth a try”, Rip sighed jokingly as he held his hand out to help me up.

The food was incredible, and the man needs an award. How are we in the middle of literally nothing, and Gator still makes it feel like you’re eating in a five-star restaurant? I hope he’s paid more than anyone around here.

We spent the rest of the night around the fire, all telling stories to make Tate laugh. I had spent a lot of time alone with John when I lived in the main house, but seeing him with Tate is like watching another person. He loves that boy more than anything, and I’m glad Kayce came around to letting him play a part in his life.

John decided that when it was time to call it a night, Ryan and Colby were on the first cattle watch tonight. The rest of us headed over to our tents. Rip had decided who was where, conveniently putting us next to each other at the end of the row, Rip directly on the end.

“Don’t make too much noise tonight, you two”, Lloyd patted us both on the back as he walked past us.

I don’t think I’m ever going to get over the shame of this, and I don’t think Lloyd is ever going to let me either. Rip is completely unphased by it, suppose it doesn’t have the same affect when its his bestfriend, but I wish he could at least share some of the fucking embarrassment.

“Come over here”, Rip whispered as he walked over to the treeline.
“I’m not shagging you in the woods Rip” yet I followed.
“I love it when you go British on me, darlin’, that's not what I want” he walked behind a tree.
“This is kinda creepy,” I whispered back.

“Not a chance I’m going to sleep without kissing my girl, come here baby” he pulled me into him, lips on mine.
“There we go, if you need anything, you know where I am”, he gave me one last kiss.
“Yeah, I do, right next to me.” I rolled my eyes sarcastically, “It’s okay, I’ve got the cowboy in my Kindle”, which earned me a hard spank as we emerged back out of the bushes.

I settled into my tent better than I thought I would. I’ve never been one for sleeping outside, but with all the wranglers around, mine especially being in the one next to me, made me feel safe. I turned the light out and got as comfy as I could, layering blankets on myself. It might be summer, but damn does it get chilly on a night when you’re out in the sticks.

I dove into the half-read cowboy romance, Rip must have put it back to the page I had left it on. It did amuse me that it pretty much went straight into full-on smut after just a few pages. I can just imagine his face when he discovered it.

It had been over an hour of me reading when I tuned into the absolute silence surrounding the camp, everyone must have gone to sleep by now. I know myself well enough to know that I’m lowkey listening out for bears after a couple of the wranglers shared stories to half spook Tate, but they had spooked me instead.

I decided to read on to distract my brain from the fear, and it worked. Another smutty chapter had just started when I thought I heard a noise, my head darting up instantly. I listened out for a minute longer, and it wasn’t there anymore. My mind is playing tricks on me now.

My eyes went wide when I saw a shadow pass my tent. Just fucking breathe Lainey. If it were a bear, Colby and Ryan would have spotted it.

My tent started moving as something pushed against it. Fuck. I can’t believe this is how I’m going to go out. I didn’t even get to edit all of the photos. I pushed myself as far into the back corner of my tent as possible, just accepting my fate.

I closed my eyes as the zip came open.

I opened them quickly just to give myself a peek at the bear about to rip my head off.

“You fucking idiot” I whisper shouted, “I thought I was about to get fucking killed by a b…”
Rip's hand was clamped over my mouth.
“Shhh, baby, no noise”, he whispered barely audibly in my ear as he pulled me under him.

“I missed you”, he undid his belt slowly with one hand.
“Can’t have my girl alone thinking about some book cowboy when yours is right here and can make you cum in seconds” he grinned.

He placed one finger on his lips, signalling me not to make a noise as he got undressed, then pulled my pyjamas off. His erection looked angry as he stroked himself, looking down at me naked, waiting for him.

He rubbed his length against me slowly as he clamped his hand over my mouth again, knowing that I can’t keep silent when he touches me the way he does. He ran his index and middle finger up and down me gently, caressing my clit slowly.

“Lets get this tight pussy opened up so you don’t scream when I force myself into you” he slowly slid one finger inside of me.

He watched me intently, eyes hooded as he locked onto mine as he stroked my G-spot in just the right way. Surprisingly me when he added a second finger, my eyes closed from the intensity of the pleasure.

“Keep your eyes open, baby, I want to watch you” Rip kept the rhythm he knows drives me insane. Slowly twisting and working his way in and out, his fingers perfectly thick and long reaching places mine can’t.

His hand across my mouth squeezed tighter as he started circling his thumb around my clit, smiling as he watched me fight the moans that would still be heard under his hand. With a few strokes, I was about to fall apart, my breathing heavy and intense as I gave in to the orgasm taking over me.

“Shhh, baby, good girl, be quiet for me”, he trailed kisses down my neck as I came down.

He propped himself up on his elbows, pinning me down below him as he started inching himself inside of me. He moved his hand off my mouth for a second before replacing it with the fingers he had just fucked me with.
“Suck darlin’, that’s it there you go. Taste yourself, baby” Rip held back a groan at the sight.

He moved slowly on top of me, long deep thrusts, my legs wrapped around his back, moving with him. We’ve had slow sex before, but this felt different; an overwhelming wave of emotions fell over me as he caressed my cheek.

“Lainey, baby, I” Rip started.
“No, not like this”, I whispered back to him.

He acknowledged with a nod as his hand found its way back over my mouth, no more words needed to be spoken. We both know what we meant.

He placed gentle kisses all around my face as he kept the same slow pace, making my toes curl as I felt every inch of him. We were the perfect fit.

“I’m gonna cum baby” Rip gasped as I tightened around him, pulling out before finishing.

He collapsed next to me, pulling my head onto his chest and my leg over his. Our deep breaths were synced as we still tried to remain as silent as possible. He used his forefinger to tip my head up to look at him.

“Can I say it now, darlin’?” he looked me in the eyes.
“Not tonight”, I shook my head.

The tent fell silent.

“I thought you were a bear coming to eat me”, I laughed.
“Eating you sounds like a fuckin’ good idea,” he licked his lips.
“Stop that, you scared me”, I scolded him, half joking.
“I missed you. Couldn’t sleep without you,” he admitted with knowing eyes.

Chapter Text

“Lainey?”

I slowly opened my eyes, struggling to adjust to the brightness of the light surrounding the tent.

“Lainey?” a voice spoke louder this time.

“Uh, yeah?” I spoke back as I broke out of Rip’s tight grip on me, him stirring from the movement.

“Can you come here a second?” John asked.

Rip watched me with a sleepy smile as I quickly threw my clothes back on that had been chucked into a corner last night by Rip when he almost gave me a heart attack. I kicked my Crocs on and unzipped the tent, angling myself behind it so no one could see in.

“Sorry to wake you”, John smiled as I rubbed the sleep away from my eyes, “have you seen Rip? We’ve checked his tent, but he ain’t there”

Well shit. Of all people, why does it have to be John asking me this question? I could see Lloyd standing behind him with a sympathetic smile on his face, already knowing the answer. At least he’s kept the secret.

“Uhm, is something wrong?” I tried to avoid the direct answer.
“Need him for something. Have you seen him?” he gave me a weird look now.

“I’m here, what’s going on, Sir?” Rip appeared behind me.

I closed my eyes as I cringed at the look on the older man’s face at Rip’s shirtless presence in my tent. I could feel that his belt was still open on his jeans as he pressed against my back to listen to what his boss had to say.

“Well shit” John laughed at the sight in front of him.
“I’m sorry”, I immediately went back to my default apologising.
“No need for apologies, Lainey, well, not until you leave us here with a lovesick cowboy. Had my suspicions anyway” John’s eyes fell to where Rip had placed an arm around my stomach at the mention of me leaving.

“He sure looks happy though, never seen a smile like that on his face before” I looked up to see that smile that melts my heart.
“Was all her wanting people not to know, not me, Sir. Happy we ain’t gotta keep it a secret anymore,” he placed a quick kiss on my forehead, “What was it you needed me for?”
“Oh yeah”, John thought for a second, “wolf has been spotted, need you to check it out with me. Come find me when you’re, well, clothed,” John laughed as he turned around and walked away.

His leaving gave us a perfect view to see everyone standing around looking at us. Well, there goes our little secret. I’m gonna get tormented to no end by the wranglers today, the current amused smiles on their faces are giving it away already. I threw a wave in their direction, earning me some snickers as I turned to zip the tent back up.

I let out a deep exhale as I ran my hands up and down my face.
“What’s up, baby?” Rip pulled me into him.
“I don’t know, in my head, if people didn’t know, then it didn’t make it as real. Not that the feelings aren’t real, just now it makes leaving real and harder. I don’t know if anything I’m saying makes sense,” I admitted.

“We’ll deal with it when it comes to it, darlin’, right now I’m just happy it means I can hold you close to me and kiss those pretty lips whenever I want” Rip squeezed me tight.
“Sunset cuddle?” I spoke quietly.
“Sunset fuckin’ cuddle baby”, I felt his heart beat faster as he laughed.

Did I hide in my tent slightly longer than I was planning on once Rip had left? Yes. Do I regret it? Not at all. It’s not like it wasn’t obvious if someone was looking at us over the past however many weeks, but still, I know I’m going to get flamed today. That's the thing about cowboys, when they have something to tease you about, they’re not gonna stop.

I headed straight over to my currently designated smoking log. It’s at the back of the camping area, so there's no chance of the smoke going near Tate, and it means that so far I’ve been able to get some peace when I sit here.

“I didn’t tell him”, Lloyd took a seat next to me. “he decided to ask you on his own”
“Don’t even worry about it, I know you would keep any secret I ask you to” I gave him a kind smile.

“You know, Lainey, I’ve been cowboying a long fuckin’ time and I ain’t ever seen one look at his girl the way he looks at you. You look at him the same,” he nudged my shoulder with his.
“I fucked up didn’t I Lloyd? I have to walk away from all of this, go back to normal life like this never happened” I took a deep drag of my cigarette as I confessed my worries to the old cowboy.

“You didn’t fuck up, you did what anyone would do. A lot of people ain’t never get to experience the love you have for this short amount of time, sweetheart. You just have to make the most of it whilst you’re here,” his words brought tears to my eyes.

“Then what? What the fuck do I do? I hated the life I had before I came here, and I finally feel like I found a home, and that’s it, just over and done with” everything was coming out now.

“You go back knowing you’ll always have a home here. You go back with tales of living the fuckin’ real cowboy life and decorate your house in all the badass photos you’ve taken”

“What about Rip? I’m worried about him and what he’s going to be like; we both know he isn’t gonna handle it well. You guys are in for a bad time, I’m sorry,” I awkwardly laughed as I brushed a tear away.

Lloyd wrapped an arm around my shoulders, letting me rest my head on him as I let the emotions take hold of me. Rip isn’t the only thing I’ve gained since being here; Lloyd and John have become fathers I’ve never had. With the wranglers like my brothers, it’s like one big dysfunctional family. In the best way, unlike the one I have at home.

“Shit, i’ve been looking after that boy since he was a boy. Don’t you worry about him, I’ll keep an eye on him. More worried about you, Lainey, who’s gonna be there for you?” As Lloyd spoke, Rip appeared, concern on his face as he spotted us.

“Me, I’m all I’ve got away from here. I can deal with it, I just want to know someone's gonna be there for him. He might look like nothing could get to him, but he’s a big teddy bear. Don’t ever tell him I told you that,” I laughed as we watched him make his way over.

“Hey darlin’, what's up?” Rip asked softly.
“I’m okay, I was just using Lloyd as a therapist”, I joked.
“Well shit, theres a first for everything” Rip teased the old cowboy.
“Take your girl out on a ride Rip, do some cowboy shit” Lloyd smiled as he stood up.

“You sure you’re okay, baby?” Rip gently pushed a strand of hair behind my ear.
“I’m good, Lloyd is full of wisdom”, I raised an eyebrow.
“Well he’s had about 80 years to learn some shit about life” Rip grinned.

I leaned in to place a kiss on Rip’s lips, now everyone knows I don’t want to miss a single opportunity to kiss him. Lloyd is right, I need to enjoy every moment I have here. Some people never get to feel what I feel for this cowboy in front of me, and I plan to savour every moment.

Rip smiled down at me, happy we didn’t have to hide anymore. He took his chance and kissed me, just a bit deeper this time. The moment was broken as a wolf whistle came across the camp. I looked over to Jimmy, and Colby stood there watching us with smiles on their face. I flipped them off and gave Rip a peck as he laughed.

“Wanna go on that ride?” I asked, looking at my cowboy with complete admiration.
He’s so hot it actually hurts. I have never seen anything as handsome as him. Those curls that decorate his head perfectly, and the beard that gives me goosebumps when he rubs it against me.

“Let’s go, baby, I know a spot not too far from here”

The ride was quiet, a comfortable quiet as we rode for about twenty minutes. Just far enough away from the camp that we won’t be bothered, but we’re not too far if we need to head back for any reason.

One of my new favourite things in the world is following behind Rip on horseback, getting to watch the way he moves so naturally with the horse. It also means I get to enjoy the curls that pop out below his cowboy hat, those curls drive me crazy. He has an air of dominance that flows out of him without even having to say a word, which is rare. Usually, men are fighting to get people to think that about them, but with Rip, it’s just completely natural.

I followed him down a small path, my hand in his. As we walked through a small opening in the bushes, my jaw practically fell to the floor. When he said he knew a spot, he wasn’t lying. A field full of wildflowers that seemed like it may have never even seen humans before. The flowers are every colour I could have imagined, pinks, yellows, reds and whites decorated the ground perfectly.

“Rip, this is gorgeous” The awe is clear in my voice.
“Thought you might like it, found it a while back and kept it a secret since”, he wrapped his arms around me from behind. His head rested on my shoulder as we enjoyed the beauty together.

I spent more time than I probably should have taking pictures. I’m never going to see something like this again, so I may as well capture as many memories as possible. Rip followed me around for a while, telling me the names of different flowers before finding a tree to sit down and rest on while he watched me.

The juxtaposition of him sitting in the field amused me. The dark clothing and brooding cowboy mixed with the pastels and gentleness of the flowers was a harsh contrast. I tried to take a few pictures of him as he looked off into the distance, but got caught pretty fast.

“Let me take some of you now, darlin’,” he stood and made his way over to me.
“I’m okay, I don’t need any of me” I brushed it off.
“We ain’t leaving here without at least two photos of you, you got some of me, so it’s only fair. I ain’t gonna attempt to use your camera, but I have mine,” Rip grinned as he held up his disposable camera I gave him.

“Maybe I should say no so we never have to leave. You can take one of me. Don’t use up all the film on me, that ruins the idea of them”
“The idea was for us to take pictures of our daily life, wasn’t it, baby? You’re the best part of my day, you so it’s exactly the idea” He had a smug look on his face, one I couldn’t argue with.

“Okay, where do you want me, cowboy?”

I hate photos of me, but there was no way for me to hide the smile that was on my face watching Rip move himself around and direct me to try and get the perfect frame. He’s moving in ways he could only have picked up from watching me so intently over the past few weeks, which is so amusing to see. He finally settled on the angle he wanted and took the picture, I laughed as he looked so damn proud of himself. In my moment of laughter, he quickly snapped another one, earning a jokingly stern look from me.

“You’re a natural”, I laughed “Let’s take one together now? So we can both have a nice memory of this day,” I gestured him over to me.

We took a couple of selfies together, for someone who had never even been in one until recently, he has quickly got used to them. At this point, I could make a project on just photos of us together. Selfies are my one exception as I still get to control them and the bonus of Rip having a stoneage phone is that I can delete the ones I don’t like and he doesn’t get a say in it. Win.

“Come sit with me, baby” Rip grabbed my hand and walked me over to the tree he had rested against before.
“Thank you so much for bringing me here. I liked the one you brought me to on our first ride, but this is something else”
“You’re welcome, darlin’, not sure anyone else knows it’s here”

I followed his lead and sat down next to him, which lasted about three seconds until he pulled me so I was lying with my back against his chest between his legs. Even in the small moments, Rip makes sure I feel protected, it’s a feeling I’ve never felt before him. He has me and will never let anything happen where he can prevent it.

“You’re perfect, you know that?” I spoke gently as I looked out on the meadow.
“Shit, nobody has ever said that about me darlin’” Rip laughed.
“I mean it, you somehow do everything right, cowboy” I placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.
“Anything for you, baby. Anything you ask and I’ll do it as long as I get to see that pretty smile”.

If any other person said that to me, I would laugh. People have a habit of just saying things they think people want to hear. With Rip, it’s different; he has no reason to lie and won’t. When he says these things, he means them with his whole heart, and it makes mine swell each time.

I pulled myself up and turned so I’m straddling him as I wrap my arms around his neck. I watched his smile grow bigger as he watched mine. I couldn’t resist placing kisses all over his face. He might be this big, rough guy to everyone else, but right now, he deserves as many kisses as I can give him for being the most perfect man I could ever dream of.

“What are you doing, baby?” Rip asked, amused.
“Kissing my cowboy, is that okay?” I faked a scowl.
“Say that again?” Rip asked.
“Say what again? My cowboy?”
“That’s right, baby, say it again” Rip’s face turned serious.
“My”
“Cow”
“Boy”

I placed gentle kisses on his lips between each syllable, feeling his smile grow with each one.

“Yours, darlin’”, Rip placed both of his hands beside my head, deepening the kisses.

I could feel him growing beneath me, I moved slowly against him as we kissed. Our tongues are fighting for dominance, his always winning. He hissed as I put more force against the erection in his jeans, taking my opportunity as the kiss broke.

My hands worked his buckle open as I moved back between his legs to position myself properly. I rubbed my hand against him as I worked his jeans open. I wanted to show him just how grateful I am for him.

His breaths got heavier as my hand made its way into his boxers to free him, precum leaking from his tip as I stroked his length gently. I locked my eyes on his as I licked a line up his throbbing dick, across the vein that drives him crazy.

I gave him my best innocent look as I placed kisses on his tip, his hands finding their way to my hair, the impatience from my teasing wearing thin. I tighterned my lips around his tip and sucked as my hand pumped him, his mouth falling open slightly as he watched my every move.

“Stop teasing, baby”, he spoke lowly between gritted teeth.

I listened and took him as deep into my mouth as I could, gagging slightly as sucked deep and fast. His dick is far too big for me to be able to take it all, but I make up for that with my tongue. Gently swirling around the tip each time I come up for breath, saliva coating my mouth.

“Fuck, baby you look so pretty with my dick in your mouth” Rip’s growls of praise make me go even crazier.

“I’m going to fucking kill whoever taught you to suck dick like this darlin’” I watched as his head fell back from the pleasure.

He gathered my hair up into his hand and began moving my head to the pace he liked, keeping enough pressure so I could pull away if I needed to. My cheeks were red as I started taking him in deeper and deeper, gagging around him as I sucked.

His groans and moans grew louder as I felt his dick start twitching in my mouth. I fastened my pace, spit covering us as I used my hand to work him where my mouth can’t reach. A slur of cusses fell out of his mouth as he came in mine, sucking him through it. I kept eye contact as I swallowed it all with a smile.
“I mean it, i’m going to fucking kill them” Rip spoke slowly as he caught his breath, making me giggle.

I turned to lie back against his chest, his arms wrapping around me to hold me closer to him. I could feel his heartbeat as it was slowing back to normal, both of us content in the sounds of nature. There was a noise I could hear now, I’m sure it wasn’t there before.

“Rip, can you hear that?” I whispered.
“Hear what, baby?”

The sound of twigs breaking under something became louder, whatever it is moving towards us. I froze as Rip squeezed me tighter, knowing there were only really two answers to this. It’s one of ours trying to scare us, or it’s something or someone we don’t want to come across out here.

I saw something move quickly, ahead of us to the left. It didn’t seem to be human-sized, but I don’t know what type of people could live out here undetected. I held my breath instinctively, not wanting to make any form of noise.

The noise had made its way closer to us now, about twenty metres if I had to guess. Fuck i’m glad Rip’s here I probably would have ran off screaming by now if it was just me. Rip started releasing his tight hold on me slowly, placing one finger over my mouth, signalling me to be quiet still.

His hand reached out for his rifle just as a wolf made its way through an opening into the meadow. It was beautiful and terrifying at the same time, I’m so used to never having the threat of wild animals that it’s easy to forget that they exist so normally in places like this.

“It’s alone, isn’t gonna try and hurt us. Just stay until it walks away from us,” Rip whispered in my ear.
“I’ve never seen anything like this”, I spoke as quietly as possible.
“Your camera still silent?” he asked.
“Yeah, I always have a silent shutter on?”
“Go ahead, then, baby, capture the moment” he placed a gentle kiss on my forehead.

The wolf stared at us for what felt like a lifetime as I tried to take photos with as little movement as possible. It was breathtaking seeing an animal so free and curious about us invading their space. Once it had decided we weren’t a threat, it gave us one last look before running off through the flowers.

“C’mon, darlin’, let's get back and let the others know they’re still around the camp” Rip stood and held a hand out for me.
“Wow a blowjob and a wolf in one meadow, that’s a proper Montana cowboy day right?” I joked.
“Fuckin’ right it is, baby, I’ll make it up to you tonight”

The walk back to the horses was stressful to say the least, I spent the full time hyper aware of any noise indicating another wild animal might jump out at us. First a bear, now a wolf, what other animal could I possibly get scared by next? At least this one didn’t end up with a beaten-up truck that I was to blame for.

It didn’t take long for us to get back to the camp, and I let Rip fill people in on the wolf situation whilst I had a smoke to calm my nerves. It’s nice watching everyone having an air of carefree to them whilst out here, John Dutton is practically a different person.

“Watcha doing?” Ryan asked as he sat next to me.
“People watching, you all seem so happy out here”, I smiled as I continued watching.
“These few days are one of the best parts of the job, we all look forward to this once a year”
“I can see why, what a fucking life huh?”
“You can say that again, Lanes, glad it fell when you’re here” Ryan had grown to become the brother I never had.

“Soooo, banging the boss?” The outrightness caught me off guard and made me laugh.
“Yeah, it’s pretty good. I’d recommend it, just not with Rip, please”
“Aw, he’s clearly just my type, too” Ryan rolled his eyes at me.

“Makes sense though, only one reason a cowboy would start being late for work”, he laughed lightly.
“Neither of those times was actually my fault, and I won’t take any slander” I faked a serious expression.
“You know if you ever need me to beat his ass for you, I will. I won’t win, but I’ll give it a solid try,” he flexed his muscles, both of us laughing at the zero chance he has against Rip.

“Are you still seeing that girl? The singer?” I changed the conversation from me.
“Kind of, pretty hard when you live this life. How do I invite her home? This is my bedroom, which I share with many other men. Doesn’t sound the best, does it?” Ryan sounded frustrated.
“Well then, you have to be creative, a bed isn’t the only place” I raised an eyebrow at him.

“You and Rip have a whole damn house, you don’t need to be creative”
“Doesn’t mean we don’t, I hear the tack room is good”, I winked at him.
“What? Ew thats fucking gross Lainey, I never want to go in there again” he faked a gag as I grinned back at him.

“What are you two talking about?” Rip interrupted.
“I can’t even look at you both right now”, Ryan shook his head as he stood to leave.
“What the fuck was that about?” Rip looked completely baffled as I laughed, hard.
“I suggested to him some tried and tested places to spend some time with his girl”
“Hey, don’t be giving away our secret spots”, he scolded me with a smile.

The rest of the day was calm and slow, exactly what all the wranglers had been needing to relax a little. It may be a romaticised life, but they work damn hard day in and day out and deserve a break like this even if it is only for a few days.

I couldn’t count how many different card games we’ve played today, despite Colby and Jimmy’s protests, John encouraged me to teach them some of the English games I knew. I won the majority of them as usual, but let Tate take a couple of the wins. It was entertaining seeing how hard he focused on listening to the rules and instructions, so he deserved a couple of wins.

“What do I have to do for you to let me win a game or two?” Jimmy slammed his cards down in frustration.
“Lower your voice when you talk to her”, Rip warned from the seat next to me.
“I dunno, be cute, I guess, or just learn how to play one single game, Jimmy, it’s painful watching you sometimes” I placed my hand on Rip’s leg, assuring him I can handle myself.
“Shit, you’ve got no chance if you have to be cute”, Ryan added more fire to the burn, earning laughs from the rest of us.

We all gathered around for dinner time as Gator dished up another amazing meal for us all. He is going to be up there in things I miss the most about this place. I could spend the rest of my life trying to learn how to cook like he does, and I would never get close to being successful.

Eating around a fire is something that needs to happen more in life, the atmosphere is something else completely. The only time I’ve done it before now is as a stoned teenager with my friends, holding some cheap marshmallows over a makeshift fire in the woods, hoping we wouldn’t be caught.

“Hey Lainey”, Monica approached, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“Hey Monica, this is amazing, isn’t it?” I smiled as we both watched Tate make s'mores with Kayce.
“It is, it’s what the family needed. Being surrounded by nature is medicine for the soul”
“I would have never agreed with that until now, I don’t know how I’ve lived my life without this”, I admitted.

“You head home soon, right?” I wish people would stop reminding me.
“Yeah”, I exhaled deeply.
“I was thinking, it would be incredible to have a project like this based around the reservation”
“That’s an ace idea, I could help out with publishing and promotion on my side of the water. Have you got anyone in mind for it?”

“You?” Monica's response shocked me.
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t expect that, me?”
“Yeah, you, you’ve done amazing around here, and Tate is now bugging me for his own camera”, she laughed.
“I would love to, but I think it should be done by someone on the reservation. I feel like it wouldn’t be the same coming from an outsider, you know?”

“I would always say the same, but I really think you would be the right person for it, Lainey. Think about it when you go back and get in touch. We would welcome you and teach you our way of life, just like this,” she gestured across the campsite.

More time out in Montana? That does sound like an amazing deal for me, but at the same time, I don’t think I could come back to this state and not be near Rip. I can see him now trying to act like he isn’t listening to every word of this conversation. I’ll think about it when I’m back home, I’m not going to give myself a good answer right now.

“I’ll think about it for sure, thank you for thinking so highly of me” a genuine smile made it’s way to my face, “in the meantime though if you do find someone from the res who would like to document it all feel free to point them my way and we can talk about some people I can put them in contact with in the UK”

“Mom! Mom! Come see my smore,” Tate shouted, ending the conversation.
“Mom duties call, think about it, is all I ask,” Monica smiled as she walked away.

It hadn’t even been ten seconds after she walked away that Rip was back next to me, lifting me from my seat to place me on his lap on his chair.

“Hey, cowboy”, I smiled up at him.
“Hey, baby. That sounded like an interesting conversation.” I knew he was listening.
“Yeah, nice of her to think so highly of me”, I joked it off.
“Would you do that? Come back?” I could hear the hopefulness in his voice, and it made me sad.

I had to give myself a minute to think about what answer to give to that question. He’s been in such a nice mood today, I don’t want to completely ruin it with just a few words.

“That wouldn’t be me coming back here, babe. I’m not sure if I could ever come back here after this” I felt him stiffen underneath me at the answer.
“Not because I wouldn’t want to come back, but because I don’t think I could leave again if I did. Leaving once is going to be hard enough, I don’t think I’d be strong enough to go through it again. Leave you again.” I needed to be honest right now.

“What if you didn’t have to leave if you came back again?” he can’t look me in the eyes right now, and that hurts my heart.

“It’s not that easy, Rip, my life and family are back home. As much as I would like it to be that easy, there’s so much to it, visas and all of that stuff, you know?”
“Tell me honestly, baby, if you could stay here, would you?”

I watched him as he stared off into the distance at nothing in particular. He was doing his best to keep the expressions off his face, but his eyes showed all the worry and sadness he was currently feeling. I want nothing more than to take it all away from him, but it’s me causing the pain.

“Rip, baby, look at me” I lifted a hand to his face, pulling it towards me.
As soon as he looked at me, I regretted it, I had never seen such sadness in someone's eyes. His heart is breaking, and I need everyone to stay away so they don’t feel the wrath of the emotions he’s trying to hold back.

“Yes. A million times, yes. I would stay here if I could. I wouldn’t leave your side for as long as you wanted me around. I would live this life every single day, with you by my side. The reality of it isn’t as easy as that, and we both knew I was going to have to leave at some point. I just don’t think either of us expected us to fall so hard and so fast.” My tears are threatening to spill over now, watching him take in every word I said.

“As long as I want you around? Darlin’, I don’t fear anything in this world except the thought of the first day I have to spend without you and every day after that” his words were shaky, thick with emotion.

“Can we agree on something?” I asked gently.
“That depends, baby, what is it?”
“We don’t talk about me leaving anymore, not until the night before. We enjoy every moment we have together and ignore those thoughts. I can’t deal with any more talk of it”
“If that’s what you want”, he peppered my head with little kisses.
“Yes, please, cowboy”, I rubbed gentle circles on one of the hands holding me close to him.

“I like it when you call me that darlin’, I like it more when you call me your cowboy”, he laughed lightly at his admission.
“I know you do, and you are my cowboy,” I smiled as I touched my lips to his.

“Ew gross!” Tate yelled across the campsite. The cowboys agreed with him, it broke the moment of emotion so perfectly as I rested my head against Rip's chest.

We spent the next hour or so just enjoying the feeling of being so close together, his lap is my favourite seat in the world. We laughed and smiled at the antics going on around us, wranglers roping each other and trying to teach Tate how to do it, too. Even Jamie seemed to be enjoying himself, and I had managed to avoid any conversation with him so far, and I wanted to keep it that way.

It felt like everything I had ever wanted in life. A real family, enjoying each other's presence whilst wrapped up with the man that means the world to me. A man who would do anything I asked him to and would protect me from anything. I felt safe and happy, two feelings that had never existed together for me.

“Wanna lie down and look at the stars, baby?” Rip whispered as the others talked amongst themselves.
“Fuck yeah, we’re going to look crazy though” I giggled.
“Maybe we are, but I wouldn’t change a god damn thing darlin’” the smile on his face is so pure and innocent.

I stood and let Rip lead me over to the spot he thought would be the best. He lay straight down on the dirt and ushered me down to him. We lay side by side, eyes up at the sky. I’ve seen stars in the sky before, but I’m sure a sky this full of stars doesn’t exist anywhere else in the world. It is exactly what we needed.

Rip pointed out various stars and constellations as I nodded along, trying to follow what he was pointing at. I honestly don’t care which star is which, I just care that my cowboy is happy and I can listen to his deep voice.

I don’t know how long I’ve been lying here in the first transfixed by the twinkling lights above us, but I don’t think I ever want to move from this spot. I broke my gaze to steal a quick look at Rip, and was met with him staring directly at me.

“What are you looking at, cowboy?” I teased.
“The stars got boring, looking at you never will” he softly caressed my face.
“You’re smooth, aren’t you?”I laughed off the compliment.

“Lainey?” Rip spoke quietly.
“Yes?” I smiled softly, content.
“I love you. I love you with my whole heart, baby”

My eyes went wide. I think we’d both known this for a while, and I had tried to stop him saying it before, but now it feels right. I couldn’t feel more in love than I do in this moment. Covered in dirt, under the stars and looking into the eyes of Rip Wheeler.

“I love you. I tried to fight it, but I’ve been in love with you since the night I woke up tangled with you for the first time” The grin on his face at my admission put one on my face too.

“Say it again, baby”, he asked quietly.
“I love you. I love you. I love you, cowboy,” I laughed at the happiness on his face.
“God, I love you, darlin’”

Chapter Text

As I sat and lit a cigarette, I thought back over the events of last night. I’m pretty sure Rip has told me he loves me at least fifty times, each time with the biggest grin on his face. I’ve said my I love you’s to people before, but none of them felt like this.

I didn’t believe in unconditional love until now, I’m not sure there is anything this man could do that would stop me loving him. I feel like my heart might explode at how full it feels. We both knew we loved each other, but there's something about saying it out loud that changes the feeling altogether.

It was slightly strange last night not having to sneak around to go to bed together. We just said our goodbyes, and no one questioned him following me; it feels like the most natural thing in the world, Lainey and Rip just being together.

We spent most of the night cuddled up under the blankets, talking about everything and anything that came to our minds. We had to remember to whisper so we didn’t wake anyone else which is damn hard for us when we usually end up laughing our asses off at each other every ten minutes. If you asked any of the wranglers, I’m sure they would tell you Rip Wheeler is the least funny man they have ever met. Jokes are not his thing at work, but when it's just us, he never fails to say the thing that will make me laugh the most.

“What do you think about heading back today? Just us two?” Rip stood with one hand on his belt, the other around a steaming hot cup of coffee.
“You don’t want to stay for the last day of the camp?” I asked, slightly confused.
“The thought of having the ranch to myself with my girl sounds nicer,” he threw me a seductive wink.

“And why would that be, cowboy?”
“Because I can’t wait another day to hear those noises coming out of your mouth whilst you’re impaled on my dick baby” he whispered lowly in my ear.
“Hmmm, I don’t know. I wouldn’t mind another day here” I pretended to really asses our surroundings.
“Not a chance, baby, our bed is fuckin’ waiting for us” I love it when he takes charge.
“I just wanted to see what you would say, yes, let's go home later”
“That's my fuckin’ girl”, he gave me a smug grin.

Since being on the ranch, I’ve eaten more eggs and bacon than I have in the rest of my 25 years on this earth, and I’m not complaining. There must be something different in the food over here because I could go for two servings every time it’s been put in front of me. I could slag off American food like every other English person, but I am a sucker for it. I need to ask Gator to write down the recipe and the specifics of his so I can learn to make it myself.

I spotted Walker sitting alone as he drank his coffee. I realised I hadn’t spoken to him properly for a while, so I made my way over to him.

“Hey, how are you doing?”
“Howdy Lainey, been a while”, he patted the spot next to him for me to sit.
“What do you make of the summer camp? Beats Texas?”
“Shit, i should have never left that place. This has been nice though, ain’t gonna complain too much. How have you been?” He always looked sad, even when he smiled.
“Yeah, good, basically a cowboy now, aren’t I?” I joked.

“Speaking of you and cowboys, you and Rip, huh? Ain’t gonna pretend I didn’t see that coming” Walker's southern drawl drew stronger when he felt strongly about something.
“It just kind of happened naturally, can’t fight that. I do love that man,” I smiled in Rip’s direction.
“He’s a bad man, Lainey, everyone here is. When you leave, leave for good. Run far away from this fuckin’ place”, he shook his head in frustration.

“Walker, I’ve never met a good man in my life until coming here. Everyone's perception of bad is different, I see a family here. All of you guys live by the same rules and would kill for this place and the people in it, some people might not see that as good, I guess, but I sure do”

“You might be right on some things, but I hope to god you find some real good in life. As much as I like you being around here, i’m damn happy you get to get away in the end” His eyes showed he believed in everything he said and it makes me sad for him.

“I don’t know what life is going to bring me. Maybe you can write a song about me coming and leaving? One that makes me cry like a baby?” I said it like a joke, but I’m dead serious.
“I can do that for you, don’t wanna be getting worked over by Rip again though”, Walker laughed.

I decided now would be the best time to round everyone up and make them pose for me. The majority of the project is me just capturing moments, but I need some real portraits too. It’s only fair that all of them get to have a good portrait for how they’ve welcomed me into their lives.

“Hey John, it’s time for those Dutton family portraits I promised you. Wanna round everyone up and meet me over by the fire?”
“Sure thing, you’re right Lainey, it’s a damn good time for them” John had been smiling more than ever these past few days and I wanted to capture that.

“Rip, can you tell the rest of the guys to put on the clothes they want to be wearing for their portraits, please?” I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.
“Baby, they’re going to think that’s a damn weird request from me” Rip shook his head with a smirk.
“Please?” I gave him my best puppy dog eyes.
“Shit, you have me wrapped around your little finger huh? I’ll tell them darlin’,” he laughed to himself as he walked away.

I always feel so under pressure when it comes to organised portraits, everyone is expecting to see an amazing result that they will love forever. Being a fly on the wall suits me much better as a photographer, then I get to shock people with the photos I have taken without them even realising. It’s not that I have ever disappointed someone with images, quite the opposite, but the fear of failure and disappointment is always something that sits heavy on my shoulders. I’d guess it’s from not having present parents. I always felt I had to do something amazing to wow them, and it’s clearly followed me to adulthood.

“Okay, John, we’re going to start with you…” I directed the Dutton family to the top of a hill where the sun was hitting perfectly.
“I’m not getting in any of these photos”, Jamie interrupted.
“Yes, you will, and you’ll pretend like you’re enjoying it” John's annoyance was clear in his tone.
“No, I will not, I don’t want to be any part of this stupid project, I’ve made that pretty clear” Jamie may as well have stomped his foot, too, just like a toddler.

An argument started between John and Jamie as I stood awkwardly with my camera, waiting for it to be over. I don’t care for him to be in the images either, but John does, and I respect that. Moments like this remind me of my family back home, me who always stood to the side waiting for the arguments to end so I could get on with whatever I wanted to do. There is no photo I can think of that doesn’t have the backstory of an argument before the shutter clicked.

“What’s going on?” Rip stood beside me.
“Jamie, as usual, he’s having an issue about me being here,” I rolled my eyes.
“What the fuck is his problem?” Rip was visibly angry, but knew he had to stand back where John was.

“Tell her to pack up her little cameras and get the fuck off this ranch” Jamie exclaimed, making sure I could hear him.
“What the fuck did you just say?” Rip spoke through gritted teeth.
“What happened to protecting the ranch, Rip? Don’t care now you’re getting your dick wet every night?” Jamie spat back.

I could see the colour of Rip’s face change as the blood boiled in his veins. Usually, I’d be happy to let him go after whoever disrespected me this way, but I’m bored with Jamie and him forever wanting a reaction out of me. He’s done nothing but be pissy since I got here, and it's just simply boring now.

“Rip, don’t” I grabbed his arm, “Jamie, I don’t care if you don’t want to be in the photos; this whole thing with you is boring me to death. Your father wanted you in the photos, not me. Speak about me like that again, and it won’t be Rip that needs holding back. Get a grip and don’t even look at me until you have” I didn’t even need to raise my voice to get my point across.

“Get on your horse and go back to the ranch, then get in your car and head to the city. You’re done here,” John dismissed him without even looking at him.
“You’re saying she’s welcome here and I’m not?!” He was red in the face now.
“Exactly that. Go.” John looked disgusted as his son walked away, head down.

“Lainey, I can’t apologise enough for him. Believe me when I say you are much more welcome here than him right now,” John shook his head in disappointment.
“It’s okay, let’s get on, shall we? I’ll start with Tate first so he can show you all how to do it,” I shrugged the awkwardness off.

Tate was more than happy to be the first set of portraits, making sure everyone watched him so they could do exactly as he did. My instructions with portraits are always the same: neutral look, a smile and then any other expression they want to pull. It always works out great as they end up laughing at themselves by the end, and you get that perfect natural smile.

I ran through the rest of the family with Tate by my side, watching to make sure they did exactly as I said. Most people feel awkward in front of a camera at first, which is why it’s best to do neutral first. Kayce is possibly one of the hardest people I’ve had to try and crack behind the camera before, but his son was on hand to make him smile.

Once the individual family portrait session was done, I positioned them for a group shoot. This would have worked much better if Beth and Jamie were here to fill it out more, but I made do with it. John looked incredibly proud in each photo, it didn’t take a genius to figure out that Kayce is his favourite son. I wonder if it was the same before Lee passed, as from what I’ve heard, he was exactly the son John had envisioned he would have.

I got all the shots I was after and then encouraged a couple more, John with Kayce, John with Tate and some with Monica, Kayce and Tate too. The wranglers had watched from the camp, I could hear laughter from time to time as each of them practised poses they thought would look good.

“Right, you guys ready? Who’s going first?” I shouted down to them.
“Me, I don’t think you’re ready for the best model you’ve ever shot yet, though, Lainey,” Ryan shouted back as they walked up the hill.
‘Oh, I’m sure I haven’t. You want me to get some topless ones for your next stint on dating apps?” I joked back.
“Ouch, you have so little faith in me with Abby?” Ryan held a hand over his heart like he’d been shot.
“No, she just has common sense”, Colby laughed.

“Right, we’re going one by one. We can do some group ones after” it felt like wrangling toddlers already.
“Behave yourselves,” Rip barked out the demand, stopping them in their tracks.

It took way longer than I could have ever imagined to get through them all. I’ve taken photos whilst riding at full speed on horseback, yet this is my hardest shoot yet. Not one of them could keep their natural expression; they all looked like they either had a gun to their head or were trying to be on America's Next Top Model. I made sure the Duttons went first so they could see how it was done, and that still wasn’t enough.

I did well with holding my laughter back each time, trying to remain as professional as possible. Until it came to Lloyd’s turn anyway, as soon as Rip let out a small laugh, I was gone. I love their relationship, it’s hard to describe, not quite father and son, not quite two brothers and not quite best friends. It’s a mix of them all, and I trust Lloyd to look after Rip, which is a big sentiment in this world.

“I don’t know what you’re laughing at, cowboy, you’re next,” I pointed out to Rip.
“Surely you have enough of me, darlin’? You’re always taking photos of me”
“Nice try, but no, you need the same too. The other photos I have of you don’t count for this” I poked my tongue out at him.

“Woah, we don’t want to hear about what photos you have of Rip. There are kids around, you know?” Colby joked, setting off the rest of the wranglers.
“I’d be happy to show you all a picture of his dick, would put all of you to shame” I threw back instantly.

It was a mix of responses that made it even funnier. There were some gags and quite a few pats on the shoulder to an embarrassed yet happy Rip Wheeler. His face was red as he laughed at my response, sending a wink my way. Luckily, the Duttons were just out of earshot, so I didn’t have to deal with another disappointed look from John.

I finished off Lloyd's images, and it was Rip’s turn. The others watched on as Rip followed my instructions perfectly, probably because he knew it would be over quicker if he just got straight to it. Fuck, he makes my heart melt. I always thought people lied when they talked about getting butterflies in their stomach from looking at someone, but god, he makes it happen to me every time he smiles.

“See, that’s how you do it,” I praised my man as we finished.
“Not fair, he’s used to it, like he’s your muse or something” Ryan shook his head in disbelief.
“Ain’t my fault I can follow basic instructions unlike you dipshits” Rip smiled smugly.
“Can I have a redo?” Jimmy asked.
“No, you all had your chance. You did all do relatively well, though, only minimal photoshop will be needed,” I joked back.

I shouted John back over to get in a group photo of him and all of his wranglers. With John's presence, they all took it seriously, and I knew without seeing them on a big screen that they were going to be incredible. I made a mental note to send them a copy of it separately, so it can go up in the bunkhouse. One big dysfunctional family, who all love their individual roles. After a few more jokey ones, I was done and ready to head back with Rip.

“Thank you all for taking part in that, I’ll make sure you all get a copy of your photos so you can have them for your Tinder accounts”, I gave a sarcastic smile.
“Wait, you didn’t get one with Rip?” Ryan pointed out.
“That’s okay, we have loads of photos together,” I shrugged it off.

“Ryan’s right, we should get one whilst we’re here, baby”
“C’mon, hand the camera over, Lainey. Only fair you have to pose for one, too” Ryan held his hand out.
“Ugh, fine. Only one though, and then we’re done,” I hesitated as I handed it over.

I know Rip is going to want a copy of this, and it stresses me out as I don’t have enough control over what I look like. Ryan is right, though, I've put them through it, so it is only fair if I smile for one too. Suck it up Lainey.

I followed Rip to the spot I had placed them all a few minutes before, and mentally prepared myself not to pull a weird face, I always somehow end up doing that.
“You are the most gorgeous girl I have ever seen, baby, get those thoughts out of your head,” Rip whispered to me.
“I hate photos of me so much”, I whispered back as we got into position.

Rip stood next to me proudly. His arm wrapped around me protectively. He softly squeezed my arm with reassurance as I took a deep breath before putting a smile on my face. My hand pulled on the hem of his jacket to keep me focused.
“See? Not as easy as it seems, right, Lanes?” Ryan teased, earning himself a laugh from me.

Rip turned his head to look down at me, the happiest grin on his face, knowing I’m his. He stayed like that for a second before leaning down to place a gentle kiss on my lips. He was making the most of having me in front of the camera, and that made me smile.

“Atta fuckin’ boy”, Lloyd shouted, which cracked us all up.
“Are you happy with them?” I asked Ryan as I made my way over.
“Shit, I have no idea. I just hope I actually managed to take the photo,” Ryan admitted with a shrug.
“See, it ain’t that easy, is it?” I threw the same comment back at him with a laugh.

Rip and I didn’t waste any time once I was done; we headed straight to our tent and started packing up. Once I had got my stuff together, I stood back as Rip moved at a speed that was so fast it amused me. Someone couldn’t wait for us to be back at the house, surrounded by our usual privacy.

“Are you laughing at me?” Rip asked as he folded down the last piece of our tent.
“Of course I am, what’s the rush, cowboy?”
“Something wrong with wanting my girl to myself again, huh?” he teased.
“Not at all, I just didn’t expect you to move at this speed”, I could hear Lloyd and Ryan laughing too.

I distinctly remember the ride out here taking much longer than it has this time. We’re only half way through the ride so far and we’re moving damn fast, leaving any conversation we would usually have whilst riding up in the wind as we just focus on geting back to the ranch fast. Plus, I’m pretty sure any vague sexual remark or just words would end up with me being bent over a fence right now by the expression on Rip’s face. As tempting as it is, I think I’ll wait until we have our actual bed with an actual mattress again.

Every time I ride Bubba, I’m convinced they’re my soul horse. I’ve ridden quite a few, and I’ve never felt as comfortable or in tune with any others as I do Bubba. I hope someone keeps riding them when I’m gone, the rookie horse does seem to have impressed the rest of the wranglers with the tricks we’ve pulled off.

Half an hour later the ranch was in sight, Rip gave me one cocky look and shot off in front of me. His excitement at this moment is almost childlike, and I love it. I love when his biggest issue is us getting some time together instead of work or the other, let's call them activities, the place demands of him.

“You two do any work whilst we were gone?” Rip shouted to Jake and Ethan.
“Yeah, we worked on emptying the bunkhouse of beer” Jake held a bottle up as a cheers from the chair he was relaxing in.
“Well, you better get packed up, we’re looking after the place tonight” Rip’s expression was back to the stern, don’t even attempt to cross me expression.

With a couple of grunts of annoyance, both of them were up and heading to the bunkhouse as Rip led the horses to be tied so he could remove the saddles and our bags. An eyebrow raise was all he had to give me to let me know what was about to be in store for me once we got back to the foreman's house.

With the horses back in the stalls, Jake and Ethan on their way up to camp, we hopped in the truck and made our way over.

“Ah, home, I have missed you”, I sighed dramatically like we had been out in the trenches or something.
“You’re funny, darlin’”, Rip had an amused look on his face.
“I have fucking missed it though, I can’t wait to have a proper shower” I don’t think i’ve ever felt this dirty before.
“Calling my house home and talking about showering? Shit baby, have I told you I love you?” he gave me a quick kiss as he jumped out the truck to come and open my door.

When people spoke about princess treatment, I always thought it was a myth and people were just lying. Being around Rip has taught me otherwise and just confirmed every other man I’ve ever known was just a bad excuse for one. He doesn’t scold me often, but the look on his face when I tried to grab a bag out of the trunk to help him sure told me. Not that I can complain at all.

“Home sweet home, baby”, Rip exclaimed as I opened the front door.
His words were so sweet, I didn't have a response other than a kiss and stealing his hat to hang up, where both of our hats live.

We went our separate ways to unpack when we got upstairs, for some reason, in my head, my camera gear only lives in the spare room. I guess as much as I enjoy calling this house home, I know it isn’t, and I need to have everything organised to throw in a bag quickly. It's happened so many times in my life, from running away from my mother's abusive partners to having to do it myself with mine. Some habits are harder to break than others.

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Rip’s voice made me jump out of my thoughts as two large arms wrapped themselves around my waist.
“Shit you scared me” I laughed the question off.
“I’m no genius, baby, but I think that's called deflection?” He spun me around to look at him.
“Nothing important, just caught in a daydream”, I gave him a gentle smile.

“Tell me what you were dreaming about, baby?” Rip gently stroked my cheek as he tried to figure out my expression.
“Honestly, I’m okay. I was just thinking about the way I unpack, in a way that it’s quick for me to throw in a bag if I have to flee. Have done it a lot in my life, mostly fleeing from men” I knew he wouldn’t be satisfied unless I gave him the truth.

I watched Rip close his eyes as he searched for the words he wanted to say.
“Is that, erm, are you worried that’s something you’ll have to do here? With me?” It looked like it hurt him to even speak those words out loud.

“No. Absolutely not. I love you and I feel the safest I’ve ever felt in my life with you, cowboy. That was part of the thought, thinking about how I don’t need to do that here. I probably should have led with that, sorry” I cringed at myself and the way I’d word vomited without thinking.

“Don’t say sorry darlin’, the only people who need to apologise are those pieces of shit who need to be hanged for hurting you. I’m angry that ain’t no one protected you before now” He held my head against his chest as he kissed my head.
“Rip, baby, I’m not sad right now. Honestly, you’ve made up for everything bad that's ever happened to me. You make it all better, cowboy” It was my turn to stroke his cheek now as he fights the thoughts in his head.

“Take me to bed, cowboy?” I know his favourite words will bring him out of it.

I let out a yelp as Rip lifted me from the ground, wrapping my legs around him automatically as he carried me through to our bedroom. He does it with such ease, it amazes me; his expression never changes once. Managing to lift me the same as he would a feather makes me fall more in love with him every time. What a man.

He sat us down on the edge of the bed, I sat in his lap. Rip let his head fall into my neck, resting it on my shoulder as he squeezed me tight. It was a gentle, intimate moment, no words were needed. Our presence right now is just enough. I ran my hands through his curls, gently soothing him. I’m unsure what exactly is going through his mind at this second, but it's clear he wants to be held just as much as I do.

We sat like this for a while, a comfortable yet heavy silence settling around us. His grip didn’t release at all; he was clinging to me for dear life right now, and all I wanted was to be able to see into his brain to figure out what his thoughts were.

“What's going on for you right now, cowboy?” I whispered gently as I continued playing with his hair.
“I don’t know how to word it, i’m not good at this shit baby. I’m fuckin’ angry that I couldn’t protect you from people in the past. Sometimes I dream about killing them, having them all lined up one by one and making them all apologise to you properly before they go to fuckin’ hell” The confession stunned me slightly.

“Look at me, Rip”, I lifted his head, “If none of that stuff happened to me, I wouldn’t be here now. I would never have ended up here, I wouldn’t have met you. Each thing that happened moulded me into who I am right now, at this moment. I who is completely in love with you and who trusts you with my entire life.” I watched his eyes soften as he took in my words.
“But baby, I can’t protect you from people in the future if you’re not going to be here with me” his grip tightened even more as the words fell out of his mouth.

“We’re not thinking about things like that right now, remember, no mention of me leaving?” I’m a few words away from tears starting to fall, and that's just going to make it so much worse.

“Listen here, cowboy, we have this whole place to ourselves tonight, and we’re going to take advantage of that. We can do whatever we want, except not feeding the horses. We do have to go and do that,” I thought the mention of work might take his mind off its current troubles.

“There's one thing I would like to do, actually, darlin’, just when the sun is setting” A soft smile took over his face.

We spent some more time around the house. Rip’s mood seemed to have lifted after he mentioned having something he wanted us to do. He gave me no hints, which does unnerve me, but it seems to be making him happy, so I can deal with it. We mostly just lay around being silly with each other before throwing some steaks Gator had let us steal onto the grill. One of my favourite things about our downtime is that Rip happily lets me play whatever music I feel like. All my previous boyfriends always had something negative to say about my music taste, but not my cowboy.

Rip met me out on the porch as I finished off a cigarette. It was weird sitting there not being able to see people moving around, going about their business and work. I quite like the spying game, so it left me a bit bored until Rip joined.

The walk over to the barns was nice, Rip smacked by arse more times then ever before knowing we were fully free to do literally whatever we wanted right now. I still have no idea what this secret thing he wants to do to us is. I’m pretty sure it’s not just having sex somewhere because there's no chance he would have been able to keep that to himself.

We got about doing the small amount of chores that needed to be done. Jake and Ethan had managed to keep things looking pretty good whilst they were in charge, which was nice for us being able to keep it short tonight. I spoke to Bubba a little bit whilst Rip did some of the bigger jobs and heavy lifting.

“You ready, baby?” Rip made his way over to me in the barn.
“I have no idea, am I?” I teased at his excitement.
“You’re here and it’s just us, so you damn sure are” The smile on his face was too cute.

He held his hand out to me, and I grabbed it without hesitation. Whatever is making him so happy would be impossible not to make me happy. We’ve spent the last few days attached at the hip, so I can’t think of anything he’d have been able to pull off without me knowing.

We headed into the arena just as the sun started to decorate the sky with orange and pinks, my absolute favourite time of the day. I allowed myself a moment to take it in before directing my gaze back at my cowboy, who was watching me instead, as always.

“Close your eyes, darlin’, properly no cheating”, he gave me a suspicious look, making me laugh.
“What do you think of me, huh, cowboy?” I joked.
“I know you’re gonna like this, so don’t ruin it for yourself”, he winked at me.

The last thing I saw was Rip’s incredibly cute expression before hearing his footsteps move away from me. Those damn footsteps, it’s funny when I first came here I thought thats how they were all the time. I’ve now learned it’s when Rip wants his presence to be heard, otherwise, he can sneak up on you in a way you could never expect from him. He didn’t lie when he said he would enjoy that game all that time ago in the barn.

I heard the speaker system that runs around the arena start up, which made me even more confused. Then came the unmistakable first notes of Cody Johnson's “The Painter”.

“Open your eyes now, baby”

Rip was standing in front of me, hand extended towards me. The purest smile was plastered all over his handsome face.

“I’ve always wanted to do this, just ain’t never had the right person or moment until now. Dance with me, darlin’,” he wrapped one arm around my waist and pulled me close to him.

Got every sunset that she's ever seen memorised, saves them away for a rainy day or stormy night, the sky is brighter, looking at it through her eyes.

“Rip, this is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me” I was slightly out of words; he does everything just right.
“A beautiful sunset, my beautiful lady in my arms, dancing with me. What could be fuckin’ better than this?” he whispered as we moved slowly.

With every wall I built, she saw a canvas. I thank God every day for how he made her. My life was black and white, but she's the painter.

The music played out around us as I followed Rip’s lead. Dancing has never been my thing, but right now I realise I’d just never danced with the right person. Rip Wheeler is everything I have ever wanted and needed.

When the next song started playing, I was bemused. I had presumed Rip had just found a Cody Johnson CD somewhere and went with that, but this is definitely now 49 Winchester. My favourite band. Rip doesn’t even have a smartphone, and mine is in my pocket, so it can’t be playing from mine.

“Rip? How is the music doing this?” It sounded like a stupid question, but I’m so confused.
“It’s all the songs you’ve played that make me think of you, baby” My jaw was on the floor.

She puts up with my bullshit and she makеs this house a home
She's a constant reminder that I've always got a friend
She's got that kinda loving that doesn't know no end

“If I love you any more, my heart is going to explode. How have you done it? You don’t have any type of music on your phone?” I laughed as we moved a bit faster to the beat of the song.
“I wrote down the names of the songs and got one of the guys to make a CD. Shit, it’s all I listen to when i’m in my truck without you baby” I love how he never holds back his admissions of the truth.

And I never can tell her just how much she means to me
But she's just so damn sweet
Well she's so so damn sweet

I lifted my head to look the most romantic man to ever walk this planet in the eyes. The sunset behind him framed him perfectly, his dark hair and demeanour contrasted by the pastels in the sky. This might be the happiest moment of my entire life. I’ve never had someone care so much about me to take an interest in the things that I like.

“This is perfect. You’re perfect. I don’t know how I ever got this lucky. My fucking cowboy” a happy tear slid down my face.
“Darlin’, are you crying? What’s wrong?” Concern painted his face.
“Nothing, baby. Nothing is wrong at all. Not one single thing”

When it's late in the evening and it's all peace and quiet, she's my still point and I see her light
And I never can tell her just how much she means to me

Chapter Text

Waking up in Rip Wheeler's arms is my favourite way to wake up, but waking up in Rip Wheeler's arms in an actual bed with a real mattress is a feeling I can’t even begin to describe.

To say we took advantage of having the place to ourselves last night would be an understatement. Flashbacks of me bouncing on Rip’s dick as he sat in our usual seat on the porch came back to me. After our time dancing, I would have done anything that man wanted.

“You go back to sleep, darlin’, I’m gonna go do the chores” Rip kissed my lips before leaving the bed.

I’m never going to be one to argue with the opportunity of more sleep, so that was possibly the best wake-up I could have imagined. Once I heard the front door shut downstairs, I pulled the duvet up over my head to block out the light coming through the curtains.

The sound of a film camera advancing woke me up from my sleep. I was unsure if it was just in my dream until I opened my eyes to Rip standing at the end of the bed, shirt unbuttoned and camera in hand.

“Hey there, pretty girl, you looked too fuckin’ cute not to capture it”, Rip admitted with a smile.
“Good morning to you, too, cowboy”, I rubbed my eyes sleepily, taking in the sigh of Rip’s strong chest.
“Are you perving on me as soon as you open your eyes?” he laughed softly as I nodded my head.
“Of course I am, I clearly learnt it from you”, I teased him.

Watching Rip undress is something I will never not enjoy. The way the muscles flex in his back and arms as he moves drives me slightly insane. Part of the attraction is the fact that Rip doesn’t care about what he looks like; he just is who he is. He isn’t in the gym for hours every day; his muscles are real and authentic from his day-to-day jobs, making them sexier.

One thing I have come to learn is that he only wears black boxers. I’m sure it’s just because they’re the first box in the store, but the way they complement his character is just right. Dark and broody just like him. The dark trail of hair that falls down his stomach into their waistband almost makes me drool.

“Enjoying the show, baby?” he stood with his hands on his hips, raising one eyebrow at me.
“Put your clothes back on and take them off again, please?” I asked with a smile.
“My dirty fuckin’ girl”, Rip laughed as he slid into bed next to me.

We had so much sex last night, I’m not sure I could actually handle another round right now. I need time to recover. No man should be walking around with a dick like his, it should be classed as a weapon in the best way possible.

“Rip, I don’t think I can go again. It might actually kill me,” I laughed as I felt him growing harder against me.
“That's okay, baby, we don’t have to. Just having your skin on mine is enough,” he replied truthfully as his fingers danced across my back.

“Well, that's a response I’ve never had from a man before”, I rolled over to look at him.
“What do you mean?” he looked genuinely confused.
“Any man I’ve ever been in bed with and turned down has not taken it well. No has never been a word taken seriously,” I confessed.

“Shit, baby, that’s not something you ever have to worry about with me. If you ain’t into it, then I’m not either. I’m damn sorry anyone has ever done that to you” Rip exhaled deeply.
“You’ve given me more apologies than any of them. You’re the perfect gentleman, you know that cowboy?” I tried to lighten the conversation.
“Only for you, darlin’” is the last thing I heard before I fell asleep again.

Something about Rip’s body heat lures me into a sleepy state, I guess that's what being fully comfortable with someone does to you. Being comfortable enough to fall asleep on someone is one of the biggest compliments you can give. It works the same way with Rip, too. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been trapped under his sleepy limbs as he snores gently in my ear. I try to avoid ever waking him; he works far too hard and deserves uninterrupted naps.

“As much as I love you being asleep on me, baby, I miss your voice”, Rip whispered in my ear.
“How long have I been out?” I asked groggily.
“Probably about five minutes”, he laughed at his admission.

“Okay, I’m up. What do you want to talk about?” I couldn’t help but smile at his neediness.
“Shit, you’ve put me on the spot. Travel, what's your favourite place you’ve been?”
“Other than here?” I joked, “Seriously, this is my favourite place. I’ve come to the States a few times, but this…”
“You’ve been to America before?” Rip interrupted, shocked.
“Yeah, like four or five times?” his shock amused me.
“Well shit, we could have met before this?”
“No, I’ve never been to Montana before. Don’t worry, you didn’t miss a minute of me,” I laughed at him.

“Away from America, though, I love Amsterdam so much. Also, have spent quite a lot of time in Spain,” I thought back to family holidays full of arguments and fights amongst beautiful scenery.
“Where is Amsterdam? I didn’t finish school, I ain’t no geographer,” Rip laughed at himself.
“The Netherlands. It’s in Europe, so the flight only takes about an hour on a good day. Have run off there quite a few times”
“What do you like about it, darlin’?” he rested his head on his hand, as if getting comfortable to listen to me as hard as he could.

“I’ve never been able to quite place the exact reason. People just kind of go about their own business there. If you want to blend in and fade into the shadows, it’s the best place to go. It’s photogenic too, which is always a bonus for me” I grabbed my phone to show him a couple of photos from my Instagram.
“Fuck, you’re amazing baby. You see things differently than everyone else, can’t wait to see how you’ve captured this place,” his praise melted my heart.
“You’re too cute, I hope I’ve done it justice. I don’t wanna disappoint anyone”
“Theres no way in this god damn world you could disappoint anyone with your photos, take that out of your mind right fuckin’ now” he tilted my head so I had to look in his eyes.

We remained this way for a while, tangled up in each other under the sheets and asking any question that came to our minds. We’ve spent hours like this before, and we’ve never struggled to come up with things to ask; we truly can’t get enough of knowing each other. I want to know Rip’s answer to everything.

“What's your favourite movie?” I asked a simple question, but always a good one.
“Baby, I could count on one hand how many movies I’ve watched”, Rip admitted.
“Are you serious? What did you use to do with your nights?” I was stunned.
“Come in, eat, shower, go to sleep. Sometimes went to the bar, ain’t never had time for movies”

“Damn, I'm going to write down a list of ones I think you should watch. You have Netflix, right?”
“Net what? Never heard of it”
“My old man”, I poked fun at him.

It had been another half an hour of us asking questions, some silly and some serious. Rip had moved down the bed so he could trace the tattoos on my legs as he asked me to explain the thought between each of them for what must be the tenth time. For some reason, they’re his favourite stories to listen to. His favourite being my cowboy skull smoking a cigarette, he had pointed out once how the cowboy hat looked like his and I couldn’t unsee it.

He was now lying with his head on my stomach, arms wrapped around me as I played with his hair. I love his curls so much, and I’m sure he enjoys me running my fingers through them as much as I do. He always softens, sometimes sighing at the soothing feeling.

“Is there any other American things you wanna do, baby? Like real American things?” his voice was soft, almost sleepy.
“I’d like to go to a real American diner. One of the ones you see in movies, well, I see in movies,” my correction made me laugh.
“I know just the one darlin’, wanna head there tonight?” his eyes were now shut as he spoke, not too far away from sleep himself.
“Yes, please, that would be amazing”, I couldn’t hide the excitement in my voice.

I quickly grabbed my water and had a drink, knowing that I’m probably going to end up being trapped under Rip soon. He was using my stomach as a pillow right now as his breathing got slightly heavier, telling me he was about to sleep for a while. Another sip is needed.

“Do you have a list of baby names?” I choked on my water in shock.
“Uh yeah, sorry that caught me off guard” I caught my breath as Rip watched me, a soft smile on his face.
“You gonna tell me some now you’ve recovered, baby?” he was amused now.
“No. You might use one with some girl from town and that would piss me the fuck off. My ex did that with a dog he got. I’ve learnt my lesson,” I laughed at the stupidity.

“Use them with who? A girl from town?” Rip lifted an eyebrow in confusion.
“Yeah, with whatever girl you said changed your mind on you having kids and stuff. Hopefully, she has as good baby name taste as I do” Rip let out a real, hearty laugh, confusing me.

“Baby, you can’t be serious?” he managed to get out between his laughter.
“As a fucking heart attack, I'm not having it” I shook my head at him.
“Aw, darlin’, I'm sorry, it’s not funny,” he continued laughing despite his words.
“I know, that's why I’m not telling you, I’m not getting burnt like that again.”

“I know I’m bad with words sometimes, baby, but that's bad even for me. That girl I was talking about? It was you, I thought I made that clear. It was you who changed all my thoughts on it, baby. The second I saw you there, in those fuckin’ shoes, I saw it. You, with a bump about to burst, stood by the fence watching me teach our boy how to ride”

Rip explained the story like it was just another question we’d been answering, as I felt the world freeze around me. I thought I fell first, but he fell as soon as he looked at me. I don’t know how to respond to this. I’ve spent too long cursing out this imaginary girl for getting to have that with Rip for it to have been me the whole time.

“Oh, shit” were the only words I could get out.
“Are you gonna tell me them now, darlin’?” Rip watched me putting the pieces together with a smile on his face, “I promise you, it’s you or no one, baby. They’re safe with me”
“I’ve always liked Colton or Stetson for a boy. Goldie or Jesse for a girl”, I spoke quietly as Rip’s words ran circles through my mind.

“Colton Wheeler, I like that. Goldie too. Have you got more than four, though, baby? In my mind, we get to have at least ten. Think I just like to think about getting you pregnant, though,” Rip grinned.
“Shut up,” I laughed with him as I jokingly hit him over the head gently.

This is one conversation I didn’t expect to have with Rip today, and I feel slightly delirious over it. It makes me smile and makes me sad that it’s something that Rip clearly lets himself get lost in his thoughts over too often. I wish I could give him this.

I waited a couple of minutes until I excused myself to go and have a smoke. I need a breather right now, but I don’t want Rip to think he’s freaked me out too much. The smile on his face when he was talking about his little fantasy just about broke my heart.

I let out a shaky breath as soon as I was alone, emotions taking over. It was such a bittersweet correction from him, I’m not sure if I would have preferred to stay thinking he was talking about some other woman or not. I am glad it was me, I really am, but at the same time, that’s something I’m going to feel guilty about for the rest of my life. Rip deserves to have the family he’s been dreaming of, and it’s just not something that could happen with us.

I taught myself to free my anger around my home when I finally moved away. I carried a lot of it for many years, a cloud of red anger following me around every day of my life. It’s now just something that pops up from time to time. Right now, it was surrounding me with a fury that I haven’t felt for a long time. I’m angry that I forgave people, that I moved on from all the things that were done to me. If I hadn’t done that, I could have left everything behind to live this life with Rip. The only person who has ever truly loved and protected me.

I let the tears pool up in my eyes; if I don’t let the emotions out, then I’ll explode on someone, and I’m better than that now. I’m no longer the girl who could spit venom off my tongue at anyone in my way when the anger took over.

All of the people who have let me down, hurt me, and kicked me to the curb have led me here, led me to this exact moment. If none of that happened then I wouldn’t have got sober and found myself in the arms of my fucking amazing cowboy.

I want to be grateful to them, to know how many people will be seething at the thought of me out here living a happy life surrounded by love. Yet I’m just angry that I have to go home, that I’m tied to home forever and the people that surround it. I’m too scared deep down, too scared to break the ties that were never afraid to break me.

All the time I’ve spent rebuilding relationships with certain members of my family suddenly haunts me. I’m fighting the battle between regretting it and knowing it made me the person I am today, a much better person than I was even one year ago.

I forced the anger away with every drag I take, letting it come out of me with the exhale of the smoke. I switched my thoughts to pitying every person who has met Rip Wheeler and thought of him as the man with no emotions. Sure, it’s what's needed for him to do his job effectively. Though the thought that most people do not know what a big heart he has is sad. He is the most loving and fiercely protective man to exist. I’ve never quite known what I believe in, but in this moment, I’m glad whoever it is above us led me into his arms.

“Baby, what do you want to eat?” Rip stood just in front of the door.
“Hey, can I post some of our photos on social media?” I ignored his original question by accident.
“I ain’t never heard of that meal, but post whatever you want, darlin’”, he added a stupid smile to go with his answer.
“Funny man, thank you. I’ll make us some food, just give me a minute,” I smiled as I heard him still chuckling at his dad joke as he headed back inside.

I went through my camera roll quickly, favouriting some of my favourite photos of me and Rip. I opened Instagram and put them in the order I wanted. Starting with just photos of both of our boots in the back of the truck, the night Rip took us to watch the sunset. One of his hands covering mine with his as we walked, one of me clearly sat in his lap as we watched the sunset, and then I saved the best until last. Both of us looked like we’d seen better days, matching black eyes and angry stares. One hell of a hard launch. I captioned it “you should see the other guys” because it made me laugh.

I added the song “Sun to Me” by Zach Bryan to the story and posted it. It was on my private account instead of my photography account. I didn’t want to have to answer any questions about that at a later date, so it seemed like the smartest move. I got a couple of notifications almost instantly. I saw that it was Ryan liking all of the stories, and I put my phone in my pocket with a laugh. Either they’re back at the bunkhouse or near enough to the ranch that he’s picked up signal on the ride, I’m pretty sure he has notifications on for any time I post.

“I have the perfect idea for something to eat, I’m gonna make it proper English for you”, I exclaimed to Rip as I walked through the door.

He didn’t have a chance to reply before my phone started ringing. I hate the noise of a phone call coming in; there are only a couple of people who call me, and right now, I don’t want to speak to any of them.

I got my phone out and saw it was my mum ringing me. I only spoke to her the other day, I don’t know what she could be ringing for.

“Staring at it isn’t gonna answer the phone, darlin’”, Rip spoke gently as he watched me.

His facial expression changed to protection mode pretty fast when he saw me holding the phone away from my ear, only being able to make out the vague shouting from where he was sitting, as I took a deep breath.

“Are you ready to talk normally now?” I asked with a neutral tone.
“What the fuck happened to you?! Tell me right fucking now?!” Rip stood and made his way over to me, so I put it on speaker.
“What are you talking about? I need you to be specific, mum” I made sure not to raise my voice, trying not to escalate whatever was happening.

“Your sister just showed me that picture you posted, you have a fucking black eye Lainey. Tell me the fucking truth right now” it suddenly made sense and I had to hold back the laughter.
“Did she read you the caption, too, at least?” I joked, and Rip looked completely lost in the interaction.
“Do you think this is funny, Lainey? Posting something like that, who do you think you are?” she hissed down the phone.

“Someone who lost a fight with a truck?” I was tired of the conversation already, I can’t deal with the false protectiveness.
“Don’t be fucking clever Lainey. Tell me what happened, now.” Her tone was getting angrier.
“I literally just did. I was driving a truck, and there was a minor accident. I got a black eye. It was ages ago, I’m fine,” I explained it like I would to a toddler.
“And him?! What happened to him? I bet he did that to you”

I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw, all the things she let happen to me, and now she wants to pretend like she cares that deeply. I love her, I have forgave and forgot a lot of things, but accusing Rip of anything like that is about to make me lose my shit.

“Don’t you fuckin dare ever say anything like that. He’s the only person who has ever truly protected me in my entire life, it's just a silly photo. You’re the only one who has an issue with it,” I spoke quietly.
“And what is that supposed to fucking mean?” of course she would only listen to one thing.
“You know what it means. You’re the one who’s rang me with this attitude, I’m not doing it with you today when things have been fine between us” I tried to diffuse it, maybe I was too harsh.

“No, go ahead, Lainey. Tell me what a bad mum I am and have been to you. Go on, fucking do it” I could see her expression, the same one we have every time we fall into this argument.
“I’ve just told you I’m not doing this. Whatever is going on at home that you’ve decided to take out on me, please focus on that instead” Rip hugged me from behind, and I felt myself melt into his embrace.

“Well why don’t you just fuck off and live with him instead then? You clearly never want to see me again, don’t even care about your own mother” It’s like she reads off a script, I can’t count how many times I’ve heard these exact words.
“Mum, you’re only going to text and apologise in an hour. What’s the point in even doing this?” I was bored with it years ago, now I’m past caring.
“I still don’t believe your story on how it happened” was her only response.

“Hello, Laineys mom”, I jumped at the sound of Rip's voice, “Lainey was driving one of the wrangler's trucks into town when a wild animal jumped into the road. It was a complete accident, one i’ve blamed myself for too many damn times to count. I was there to get them within minutes, and I can swear to you that I will never let anything bad happen to her when she’s near me. I will protect her with all I have, ma’am” his grip tightened on me, unsure if he had just made it worse or better.

“Oh, that is so kind of you to say. She’s always wanted that, and I told her you were her type that time I saw you on FaceTime. What did you say your name is?” Both our jaws were on the floor at the sudden change in mood.
“Rip, Rip Wheeler, ma’am” He looked at me with complete confusion.
“Well, it’s lovely to speak to you, Rip. I’ll let you both go to do whatever you’re up to today. I hope I get to speak to you again soon,” she spoke cheerily down the phone.
“Bye, Lainey, love you!” she shouted as she ended the call.

I needed a moment to gather my thoughts to try and explain what the fuck just happened and how that is realitively normal for our relationship. Rip was still behind me, clearly not wanting to speak first.

“I’m sorry, you got involved in that. It’s what happens when she’s angry or upset at something, she needs someone to take it out on” I spoke fast, cringing that someone was witness to that.
“Are you okay, baby? That was a fuckin’ lot,” he spun me round to tilt my head up to look at him.

“That is probably the one thousandth time I’ve answered the phone to that, I’m okay. Are you? Thank you for helping out,” I stroked his cheek.
“I’m just fine, baby, I’ll jump in to save you any day. I must say, though, it was interesting to hear where you got your fuckin’ cussing from” This made me laugh. Really laugh.

“Yeah, no fucking guessing where I got my mouth from hey cowboy?” we were both laughing now, the intensity of the citation washing over us.
“Was your first word fuck darlin’?” he pretended to be serious for a second.
“Yeah, I thought I told you that before. Came out of the womb with a Marlboro in my mouth demanding a fucking bottle. Cowboy as fuck always” I wiggled my eyebrows at him.
“God, I love you, baby”, Rip leaned in for a kiss.

My plans to make lunch for us seemed to have gone out the window since the phone call. Rip insisted that he do it whilst I chill out, even though I insisted I was fine, and it’s something I’m used to. I wasn’t lying at all when I said that; I have a way of switching my brain off when it comes to certain discussions. It was only the negative comments directed at Rip that took me away from that mindset. He might want to spend his life protecting me, but I will do the same for him, too.

Despite the slight derailing of our quiet morning, the rest of the afternoon was nice. We didn’t particularly do anything, just enjoyed some downtime with each other. Rip’s words from when we were in bed were in the back of my mind the whole time. Every time we were quiet, I wondered if he was thinking of that same fantasy again.

After a while, we decided it was time to head down to the barns and see that everyone had got back okay. They would have contacted Rip if anything had happened, but he still wanted to check with his own eyes, which was fine with me. If something makes him happy or puts his mind at rest, I’m all for it.

Each time I make the journey over to the barns on foot, I appreciate it. I think living in a city for so long has blinded me a bit to people just living simple lives. Imagine just having all the things you need daily on your own land within walking distance. Sure, we do a supply run once a week, but it’s all fully functional every day, and I’m jealous of it.

I spent an hour catching up with everyone and hearing how the rest of summer camp had gone. It was good and went without trouble, which I know will relax Rip’s mind about his absence from coming back with me. The wranglers were all slightly amused that Tate had said the word “fuck” and they had all now been warned to watch their language around him. Kids cussing is always funny, especially when they use it in perfect context, which is apparently what happened.

Once Rip had checked all the horses were back in the barn safe and sound and had a small catch-up with John and Lloyd, we were free to head back. He’d informed John we were going out to the diner for dinner, but he would still just be a phone call away if anything happened. I got the feeling a lot is going on that I’m unaware of, but I'm always one for minding my own business. If Rip wants to tell me, he will, and I respect that.

I was slightly unsure what to wear, and the last thing I wanted was to turn up overdressed, sticking out like a sore thumb, around here isn’t the best. I can usually pass for being a local in my daily clothes, well, until I open my mouth, and that’s what I wanted to go for tonight. Rip assured me jeans and a top would be just fine and that he’ll be unable to take his eyes off me no matter what I wear.

I settled on my dark blue jeans, white vest top and Rip’s black pearl snap shirt. I love wearing his clothes, but he loves me wearing them even more. His possessiveness is so attractive to me, so any way I can encourage that works for me. Plus, I like smelling like him, would it be weird for me to buy the cologne he wears so I can spray it when I miss him? Maybe.

Rip greeted me with a growl as I got to the bottom of the stairs. Wearing his shirt was definitely the correct choice, and I mentally patted myself on the back for it.
“You look fucking good baby” Rip said from behind me as I slipped my boots on.

We hopped in the truck, I was going to offer to drive instinctively because that’s what I do at home, always the designated driver, but I thought better of it after my last truck driving accident. The CD Rip had got burnt for his truck played as I sang along to the words, so many of my favourite songs in one. He smiled as he watched my excitement each time a new song played, as he tapped his thumbs on the steering wheel to the beat.

We pulled up to a diner that was exactly the image I had in my head. It was on the far side of town, so I had never been past it, and I was glad for it. The sign outside looked like it had been installed in the 80s, and I loved that. Rip stood back and let me take a quick picture of it. That man knows me too well.

“Is it what you had imagined darlin’?” he asked with a cocky smile on his face.
“Fuck yeah, it’s exacly what I pictured in my head” I felt like a child being so excited over it, but it was damn cool.
“Come on, let’s head inside”, Rip held his hand out for me.

We got a couple of head turns as we walked through the door, which made me slightly self-conscious, but Rip just tightened his grip on my hand and led me over to a booth. The interior had seen better days, which made me love it even more, with so many signs of wear on the pastel decor. So many people have sat in this exact spot, all with stories and lives of their own. It brought a weird sense of nostalgia for a place I’ve never even been before now.

“Rip Wheeler with a girl on his arm? Don’t think any of us expected to see that” a waitress, maybe 30 years old, stood at the end of our booth.
“Can we get five more minutes?” was all Rip responded with, without even looking up.
“Of course you can”, she batted her eyelashes at him.

In past relationships, I would have been angry at her attempt to blatantly flirt with my man right in front of my face, but with Rip, it just amuses me. He couldn’t care less, and I know I don’t have a single thing to worry about.

I scanned the menu in awe. This is the most American thing I’ve ever seen. It’s literally perfect, I feel like I'm in a movie right now. I decided on the pancakes and put the menu down to look around. My eyes landed on Rip, who was watching me with a smirk on his face.

“What's so amusing, cowboy?” I asked with a smile.
“You look like a kid in a candy shop right now, baby. I love it. Ain’t no one ever been this excited to be sitting in this place,” he looked around the room, his eyes hardening as he spotted one man sitting in the corner.

“What’s up?” I asked, confused.
“Nothing, don’t worry about it, darlin’. What are you gonna get?” he changed the conversation.
“The pancakes, I think, are they good? What are you getting?”
“Pancakes sound good, baby, think I’ll do them too,” he signalled the waitress over.

I couldn’t hide the amusement on my face as she stared at Rip with heart eyes the entire time he ordered for us. I can’t blame the girl; I look at him the same way, too. He’s one handsome man, and he’s all mine. I’m not even sure if he picked up on it; if he did, he didn’t let on at all. His only smile was when he looked up at me.

“She’s so into you”, I laughed once she left the table.
“Shit, baby I couldn’t care less. Can bat her eyes all she wants, I have my girl right here in front of me”
“If I wasn’t so excited for these pancakes, i’d suck your dick right here cowboy” earned me a hearty laugh from Rip.

I think I’ve trained Rip without even realising. When the two giant portions of pancakes arrived, he didn’t even reach out to grab his plate, he waited until I’d taken all the photos I wanted before waiting for a signal to start eating. I need to make sure he knows exactly how grateful I am to him tonight.

The food was delicious, and we both demolished our plates, nodding our heads in approval. I’m sure he’s been here more times than he could start to count, but I appreciated the fact that he matched my enthusiasm.

“Wish you’d mentioned wanting to go to a diner earlier, baby, we could have made this a thing. Came here once a week or something,” Rip smiled as he watched me finish my last bite.
“I think I could eat here every night for the rest of my life”, I slouched back in the booth, full enough to explode.
“So damn cute darlin’, don’t think those words have ever been spoken in these walls before” Rip chuckled at me.

I tried to offer to pay the bill, but I received one of Rip’s warning stares. They don’t have the same effect on me as they do on others who receive them because the threat isn’t the same; I have nothing to worry about. They’re just enough to let me throw my hands up in defeat. I told Rip I would meet him outside so I could light up a cigarette before we headed home.

The car park was dark, only a couple of lights lighting up particular bays. The light pouring out of the restaurant only illuminates the bays closest to it. I stood far enough away from the door that I wouldn’t accidentally blow smoke on anyone leaving the place.

I heard the door open and stepped out from the darkness to greet Rip. Only it wasn’t my cowboy that walked towards me. It was the guy Rip’s eyes had fallen on earlier in the evening.

“Rip Wheeler's girl, huh?” The slimy-looking guy spat as he continued walking towards me.
“And you are?” I asked with suspicion as I took a few steps back.
“Oh, you don’t need to know my name, sweet thing, I'm sure it would sound good coming out of your mouth, though” his words grossed me out immediately.
“What do you want?” I bit, trying to create more space between us.

“I just wanted to see who the pretty little British thing is who follows Rip around like a little puppy dog” he reached his hand out to caress my arm.
“Don’t you dare fucking touch me” I reached a hand out to push him away, but he caught my arm before it could make contact.
“You like a bit of a fight, huh, sweetie? I can make that happen,” he smirked as he dug his fingers into my skin.

Within a split second, the vile man was on the floor. Rip stood over him, his glare deathly.

“Dare you to try and touch my fucking girl again” Rip hissed at the man holding his hands up over his face.
“It wasn’t like that, Rip, I just wanted a closer look” The man had the nerve to smile.

With one arm, Rip dragged him up off the floor and pinned him against the wall. One hand was squeezing his neck, causing the guy's face to start turning a violent shade of red as he panicked.

“Don’t ever even fucking look in her direction. Put your hands on her again and i’ll fucking kill you” Rip’s voice was low and dangerous.
“I’m sorry, man, I just…” the guy pleaded.
“Just fuckin’ what? I will end your life with no fuckin’ hesitation.”

I watched as Rip threw one punch, breaking the guy's nose with a stomach-churning crunch. He dropped the guy to the floor, standing over him for a second before spitting on him. He turned to grab my hand, walking fast back over to the truck and starting the engine.

“Are you okay, baby? Did he hurt you?” Rip’s voice was softer, but his expression still looked like he was about to explode.
“He didn’t hurt me. Just seemed like a drunk hoping to take advantage” I let my hand fall into his, feeling him relax into my touch.
“Do you want me to go back and finish him off, darlin?” he asked the question with the same tone of asking what I wanted to eat.

Now that the initial adrenaline had worn off, I realised just how turned on I am. Seeing Rip act that way just to protect me had my pussy dripping. That was one of, if not the, hottest thing I’ve ever seen.

I shook my head as I watched my cowboy drive us away to safety. We were doing way over the speed limit back on the quiet roads towards the ranch. I need him and I need him now. I can’t wait until we’re home.

“Rip, pull over”, I spoke quietly, arousal clear in my voice.
“What do you mean, baby? We’re nearly home,” He kept his voice soft towards me, but it was clear he was still seething.
“Rip, I need you to pull over now,” I demanded.

Without asking another question, he slammed the brakes on. Coming to a stop on the side of the road. I was on him before he even had the chance to turn and look at me. Belt unbuckled and straddling him, I wrapped my arms around his neck as I kissed him roughly. It took a second for his confusion to fade away and to match my neediness.

“That turned you on, baby?” Rip growled as I leaned back against the wheel to unbutton his jeans.
“Rip, now. I need you now,” I spoke breathlessly.
“You want my dick baby? Beg for it,” he pinned both of my wrists in one of his hands.

“Please, Rip please fuck me. I need you more than ever. I need your dick cowboy, please fuck me” I stared into his eyes as my cheeks flushed at my words.
“That’s it, that’s my needy girl” Rip ran his thumb across my jaw as he watched my colour change.

Without breaking eye contact, I directed his thumb into my mouth. Sucking on it just as I would his dick, a deep rumble coming from his chest as he watched me as I moved my hips against his. My head tipped back slightly as I found pleasure against the erection in his jeans.

With one movement, he lifted me, throwing me into the back seat and climbing over to join me. I grabbed at my belt, needing to have my jeans off as fast as possible as I watched him free his dick from his black boxers.

“You wanna ride my dick baby?” Rip spoke lowly in my ear as he pulled me onto him.

“Fuck baby, so fuckin’ ready for me” he watched me as he ran his forefinger across my slit, feeling my wetness.

I lined myself up with his dick, rubbing myself against his length, a moan falling out of my mouth as his head brushed against my clit. My moment of control was soon over as Rip caught my wrists in his hand again, moving himself to my entrance as I smiled from the pain of his tight grasp on me.

“Look at you smiling from the pain, darlin’, such a dirty girl for me aren’t you?” his accent deepened with arousal, words thick.

Without warning, he forced himself inside of me. Eyes rolling from the pain and pleasure of trying to adjust to his size so quickly. It felt like I was being torn apart in the best way possible. I moved slowly on him as I felt myself opening up.

“You like fucking yourself on my dick baby?” Rip pulled my wrists down behind me, my chest arching up towards his face.

With his one free hand, he pulled at my tank top, so it fell underneath my bra. His eyes darkening as his hand freed my boobs, his mouth immidately finding its way to my nipples. His tongue flicking at one before sucking it into his mouth. The feelng travelled straight to my pussy, I could feel myself getting wetter with every movement of his tongue.

“Spit in my mouth” I demanded with shaky breaths as I bounced on his dick at a relentless pace.
“Oh, darlin’, so fuckin’ turned on you forgot your manners?” Rip teased.
“Please spit in my mouth, daddy” I watched his mood change with my words.

One hand wrapped around my throat, squeezing just the way I like it, as he stared down at me with dark eyes.
“Open your mouth baby” he spoke in a way that sent shivers down my spine as his dick rubbed against my cervix.

I opened my mouth slowly as my breath deepened from the pressure around my neck. Rip opened his mouth and let his spit fall into mine, his mouth staying open as he watched me swallow it.

“Look at you bouncing on my dick and begging for my spit. Such a needy girl for me, aren’t you? Dirty fuckin’ girl,” every word coming out of his mouth right now was taking me closer to the edge.

“You’re getting off on my words, too, aren’t you, baby?” I nodded fast, words failing me at this moment.
“Use your words for me, baby”, Rip teased between grunts at my relentless pace on him.
“Yes daddy” I felt his dick twitch inside of me.

“Oh baby, I can feel you squeezing my dick tighter. Are you going to cum on my dick? Going to cum on daddy’s dick?” His eyes were hooded, getting closer himself.

His words tipped me over the edge. Squeezing around his dick as the orgasm shattered my senses. I felt him explode inside of me as I pulsed around him, filling me up with his cum. I fell limp in his arms as he released his grasp on my wrists and throat so he could hold me tight against him.

“You okay, darlin’?” Rip’s words were shaky as he recovered.
“Never been better, cowboy”, I laughed as I felt his heart beating where my head fell.
“So it’s only daddy during sex?” he teased as he pushed my hair out of my eyes.
“Stop that”, I scolded with a smile.

“Take me home, cowboy”

Chapter Text

Back to reality hit when Rip woke me up, and it was still dark outside. I don’t want to say we took the more relaxed days for granted, but damn I wish we had just one more extra lie in right now. My reluctance to wake up meant we didn’t have enough time for the morning sex I'm craving right now, which just made it so much worse. I hate mornings.

Rip was in the shower as I finally mustered up the courage to get out of bed and join him. I stopped in my tracks as I caught my reflection in the mirror. Fuck.

“Rip!” I managed to croak out, startling him.
“What's up, baby?” I watched him casually pop his head out of the shower in the reflection.
“My fucking neck!”

Multiple bruises cover the surface of my skin. Bruises that are very clearly Rip Wheeler’s finger marks. It wouldn’t be as bad if they were just in one spot, but the size of his hands has ensured there is no easy way to hide them.

“Are you laughing?” I asked Rip who was now standing behind me, assessing the marks himself.
“No” was the only response he tried to get out before bursting out in laughter.
“Rip, this isn’t funny. How the fuck do I cover all of that?” I sighed with frustration as I tried to hide my urge to laugh.
“Looks fucking hot though baby” he leant his head down to leave kisses across the bruises.

I tried a couple of different combinations to cover up as much of the bruising as possible. We settled on one of Rip’s shirts and a bandana around my neck, perfect for a day that you could tell was about to be hot as hell by the thickness in the air…

I do agree with Rip, though, it does look hot. Hot enough that I keep feeling myself blush when I think back to last night in the back seat of the truck. I can see Rip’s eyes hood slightly every time he looks at my neck, too. I expect to have the same amount of bruises across my body tonight, too, marking me as his.

We headed out to the barn for everyone's first real day back at work. Don’t get me wrong, everyone was technically working whilst summer camp was happening, but this is really being back to work. Now that I'm over the initial shock of the early wake-up, I'm quite excited to get back to the usual routine and cowboying.

Even though we’re walking through the vast landscape, we kept our voices to a whisper as if attempting not to wake all of the wildlife that lives around us. Whispering is what Rip and I have grown to be good at. Everyone is so loud here, but we still manage to have our little conversations just for our ears.

As we approached the barn, it was clear we were the first ones up and ready for the day. There was no sign of any human life, just us and the horses. It was clear we had realised this at the same time by the look on Rip’s face. That unmissable smirk that tells me I have about five seconds before his hands are all over me. I shook my head with a smile as he nodded his head over to the tack room. That is absolutely not happening today. Being caught once was enough for me and as much as I love him and his dick, it isn’t going to happen again on the first day back at work.

“We have as much time as we need, darlin’, they’re not gonna wake up until I go in and make them” Rip still spoke with a whisper.
“Not a chance, cowboy, that lesson has been learnt”, I laughed at his eagerness.

I made my way over to Bubba's stall, leaning over to give them a scratch. I knew it was a rookie mistake as soon as I felt Rip’s bulge being pushed against me from behind.

“You doing that on purpose, baby?” his voice was low as his beard rubbed against my neck.
“I wish I could say yes, but I would never do that in front of my baby”, I cooed at Bubba.
“I know you well enough to know you’re just as turned on as I am right now” he’s right, he does, and I am.
“I promise, you can fuck me all over the house tonight cowboy. Just not here,” I made a weak attempt to flee from Rip’s embrace.

Another rookie mistake. I was now fully pinned against the wall. Both of Rip’s hands were beside my head as he pried my legs open with one booted foot. I didn’t speak, I didn’t trust whatever words would come out of my mouth, as they would probably go against everything I've just said about learning my lesson.

He smiled, a dirty smile, one that confirms he can pretty much read my mind now. His mouth was on mine before I could even think of any more words, our tongues moving together in perfect, needy harmony. I love the way our hats never get in the way, even though they fit perfectly against each other, just like the rest of us.

The sound of someone clearing their throat behind us shocked us both into complete stillness.

“Am I interrupting?” John Dutton's voice made us both cringe.
“Shit, sorry sir” we both spoke at the same time.
“Seems your mouths share everything, including words, huh?” John teased at our response.

Even as a ridiculously badly behaved teenager, I have never been caught out so much before. I feel like the world is punishing me for that; the only thing I really managed to get away with well has come back for me as an adult. With my dad never being around, John has taken up that role, and this feeling right now is what I imagine I would have felt at 14.

My brain now knows to stand in front of Rip to save him the embarrassment of a visible boner at his big age. The thought of it does amuse me, but laughing right now seems wrong when it’s John of all people standing here.

“I wanted to speak to you two. Heard what happened at the diner last night, how you doing, Lainey?” The question threw me, how could he know? Rip was with me all night.
“Oh, yeah, I'm okay, thank you. Rip was there to save me as always” I turned my head to give a soft smile to my cowboy.
“Jesus, Lainey, is that what he did to you?!” John stepped closer to look at the marks on my neck.

My eyes instantly shut with embarrassment. All of Rip’s beard rubbing on my neck has allowed my bandana to loosen, giving a perfect view of the perfectly placed bruises. Maybe I should have just let Rip choke me to death last night; at least it would have been a good way to go out.

“I don’t want to have to explain this to you, honestly, but no, he didn’t do that to me and you don’t have to worry about them” my eyes were intensely focused on one loose bit of hay on the floor as John quietly tried to make sense of my words.

“Oh Jesus Christ, Rip. You weren’t even like this as a teenager” John squeezed his eyes with his hands as if to rid the thoughts from his brain as I readjusted the red bandana.
“Sir, I think we should restart this conversation from the start”, was all Rip could think to add.
“You’re telling me, son” I had to hold back the smile, now it was Rip stuck in the awkward.

“The guy barely touched me, Rip was there before anything serious could happen. I could have held my own, too, just got unlucky with thinking his movements wouldn’t be that fast,” I decided I would be the one to explain.
“It was my fault, sir, I shouldn’t have let her out of my sight for a second. I should have been with her” Rip’s sudden guilt at the situation shocked me, I didn’t realise he was kicking himself so much.

“You’re right, you shouldn’t have. You’d noticed him whilst you were inside, how did you let them both out of your sight, Rip?” John sounded frustrated.
“It’s not Rip’s fault, John, it was just an unfortunate situation. Hardly the first time a drunk man has followed a girl” I felt protective of Rip right now, I don’t want him kicking himself any more.

“Sir, I was seconds behind. As soon as I lost sight for a second, I was out of there. I would do anything to protect my girl and any of the Yellowstone” I reached for Rip’s hand to reassure him.

“You didn’t kill him?” John didn’t seem to care for sentiment right now.
“No, sir, got Lainey away as fast as possible. She didn’t want me to” his hand squeezed mine as he spoke.
“You know what to do now, Rip. He touched one of ours. He’s had it coming for a long time. You, me and Kayce will find him today and take him to the train station” John looked disgusted at the thought of the man.
“Yes, sir”, Rip nodded as John turned and walked away.

“The train station? You guys are gonna make him leave town?” I asked Rip once it was just me and him.
He laughed and placed a soft kiss on my lips as a response.

Rip kept the smile on his face as we walked over to the bunkhouse to wake all of the wranglers up. The sun was making its way over the hills, which means they’ve all had a slightly longer sleep than usual, well, depending on how late the beers kept them up last night.

We stopped just before the door, Rip turning to give me one of his mischievous smirks before switching himself to that hardened cowboy persona. I love watching the change with my own eyes, knowing just below that stone-faced, scary to others layer is my cowboy. Who has the biggest heart and secretly enjoys being covered in kisses and having my fingers running through his hair.

My thoughts were stopped with the sound of the door Rip just near kicked off its hinges, bouncing off the wall. I couldn’t help but let a little laugh escape at that move. He’s a prick, but he’s my prick. The chorus of grumbles and moans filling the room just added to my amusement.

“Wake up assholes, we’ve got work to do” Rip announced to the room.
“You could have damn near gave Lloyd a heart attack” Jimmy grumbled from his bunk.
“My heart is solid, worry about yourself, kid”, Lloyd spoke back from the table. Of course, he was the only one awake before our entry.

I found my way to my usual smoking bench, excusing myself as soon as the guys started leaving their bunks. I’m more than okay with not seeing all of them walking around half, or sometimes, fully naked.

“Hey, baby”, My cowboy noticed my absence fast.
“Hey, cowboy”, I smiled through the smoke coming from my mouth.
“I’m not gonna be around much today, have to head out to find that piece of shit” Rip tried to hide it, but I could tell there was something he was feeling and unsure how to express.

“What's on your mind? I know there’s something” I reached over to take his hand in mine; touch always works for him.
“I’m sorry I let him get that fuckin’ close to you. I feel like I’m going against what you wanted last night, too, darlin’, you didn’t want me to kill him” Rip was struggling to look me in the eye.

“Kill him? I thought you guys were taking him to the train station?” Now I was confused.
“Shit, this is why I didn’t want Mr Dutton to find out.” Rip palmed at the back of his neck, as if squeezing the tension out of the air.

“Wait, the train station is a metaphor, isn’t it?” I feel like an idiot for not connecting this earlier.
“Little Miss Lainey”, Rip sighed, “I feel like I’m corrupting that beautiful mind of yours”
“You haven’t called me that in a long time”, I smiled, “you’re not corrupting anything. My mind has always been dark. It’s your job, you gotta do what the boss man says”

It feels slightly unreal that I’m reassuring my man it’s okay to just go off and kill some random guy. I’ve always been around fucked up situations, but this isn’t something i’m exactly used to. I think I can move past it with Rip because I know he isn’t evil; he just takes the trash out. It adds more to his promise of always protecting me, and I believe him wholeheartedly. My only worry is him getting hurt or caught. To us, his actions are reasonable, but to law enforcement, not on John’s payroll? I doubt it.

“I don’t care what happens to that guy, all I care about is you. As long as you’re home and in bed with me safe tonight, then it doesn’t matter to me” Rip’s eyes seemed to lift at my words.
“You mean that, darlin’?” I love that he knows he can seek reassurance from me.
“I wouldn’t lie to you. Everything I say to you is true, you never have to worry about that” I gave him a reassuring smile.
“I love you, baby, I’ll be home for dinner” A smile finally made its way to his face.
“You better. I love you, cowboy”

Once Rip was gone for however long he’s going to be, I headed back to the house. I needed to transfer and back up all of my recent photos. I travel pretty heavy with my three hard drives, you know, just in case.

Up to right now, I know I’m going to have weeks of editing when I get back home. At least that's going to be one thing to distract me from the heartbreak of leaving my man and newfound home. I can already see myself sending my publicist to voicemail when she presumes I’ll be able to go through and fully edit thousands of photos in like three days.

It took me around an hour and a half to complete all of my backups, and now I’m slightly at a loss for what to do with myself. I have been lacking in communication with my family and friends that I like, but they know that isn’t unusual for me. I fire off a couple of texts, mainly just to assure people I am alive and enjoying myself.

It didn’t take long for my cousin, who is much more like my sister, in age and personality, to reply, asking if I had found her a cowboy. I think she and Ryan would get on well, but the continents apart means that isn’t going to happen any time soon.

I quickly rang both of my nannas, I needed to hear their voices. They both couldn’t hide how much they wanted me back home, and it made me sad. Neither of them were ever a problem in my life; they are the lights of my life, really, but I can’t let myself get wrapped up in feeling too loved. It gives me a false sense of security and always tempts me to return to my actual home, but that is never going to happen.

I need some distance. Just not this much distance.

I fixed myself a sandwich and went out on the porch to eat it. As soon as I sat down, I realised I could see people over by the barn. I had presumed all the wranglers would be out doing work today, but it seems not.

I walked over with a cigarette hanging from my lips. From what I can see, they must have split into groups today, with Lloyd, Jimmy and Ryan staying back at the ranch. I know just the question for Ryan right now.

“You ever thought about being with an English girl?” I spoke without thinking.
“Once, then Rip damn near ripped my head off my shoulders” Ryan laughed.
“Oh fuck, no, I didn’t mean me” realisation hit me.
“Was gonna say, come on, Lanes, he’s only been gone two hours” I set myself up for that.

“Arsehole. I have a cousin who would like a cowboy” I made myself clear.
“She as pretty as you?” Ryan winked.
“I’m gonna tell Rip you said that," my favourite threat to make.
“Please don’t, I’m just teasin’” I could see his face getting redder by the second.

“Got ya there, hey? But seriously, if things go wrong with Abby, I can set you up with a little holiday romance,” I wiggled my eyebrows at him.
“You’re gross, but also yes”, his response made me laugh.
“Amazing, I’ll send one of your model photos over”, I teased.
“I thought you wanted me to have a chance?” Ryan never fails to get a laugh out of me.

I climbed the wooden fence and swung one leg over to get a look at what was going on with Lloyd and Jimmy. They had the one horse Rip warned me away from running the arena, which baffled me. What use could they have with him right now?

“Good afternoon, Lainey”, Lloyd tipped his hat at me.
“Howdy, what are you guys up to?” I’m truly intrigued.
“Jimmy over here needs to make some cash, gonna see what he might be good at for the rodeo”, Lloyd shouted back.

“So you’re easing him into it with that horse?” The suspicion was clear in my voice.
“Ain’t no easing in to rodeo, Miss Lainey”, the older cowboy laughed.
“Want me to have 911 ready?” was the only response I could think of.

Jimmy was outside the arena trying to psyche himself up. I’m not sure how jumping jacks help with that, but it seemed to be the activity he was choosing at this second. Then again, I’m not sure my brain would be thinking rationally if I were about to hop on top of that horse.

I watched intently as Lloyd got the horse ready, the one none of the rest of us go near. It seemed the horse was much like us; it had an instinctive respect for Lloyd and didn’t go at him the way he would us. I guess spending so many years around horses rubs off on them as well, a calming presence as such. The horse knows he’s in good hands, but I’m not sure how that will translate with Jimmy.

Lloyd headed over and handed him a vest that almost looked like a bulletproof one, ‘Murica. I was glad to see there was a helmet involved, too, at least some precautions were being taken, considering the risk of actual death he’s about to take on.

Both of the men seemed to be having a heart-to-heart conversation that I had no intention of interrupting. I do wonder why Jimmy suddenly needs money, but if he wanted to tell me, he would, I guess. Seems a bit drastic to go straight to this instead of asking John or one of us to float him whatever he needs.

I slowly moved down off the top of the fence as they prepared to lead Jimmy to his possible death. I don’t want to be anywhere near that horse bucking, it could do some serious harm just running into my leg if I didn’t move fast enough. As far away as possible will be the best way to watch it all unfold.

“Lainey, gonna need you to time eight seconds”, Lloyd shouted.

I nodded in response, but I’m not sure how I feel about now being directly involved in this. I don’t want that on my conscious, but Jimmy needs us right now, clearly, so I will count it loud.

Before I could blink, Jimmy was out of the gate, and I was counting out loud. Lloyd was shouting tips at him as I watched through one eye, wanting to be able to only half see if he ends up crumpled on the floor.

“Four!” I shouted.

To our surprise, he was still on, with one hand high up in the air. The horse was not taking it easy on him, throwing him around as much as it possibly could. Jimmy is staying on.

“Six!” My voice was louder.

“Seven!” Ryan and Lloyd were silent.

“EIGHT!”

He did it. And he did it well.

Ryan and Lloyd ran in to calm the horse and get Jimmy back down on the floor and over the fence safely.

“What just happened?” were the only words Jimmy had.

Once everyone was safe and the horse had calmed down to its usual anger, we stood together outside the arena. All of our mouths suck slightly open, none of us wanting to speak first.

“That was some real cowboy shit” Lloyd broke the silence.

Jimmy just started to laugh as he walked in circles. We watched him with concern for a second before the three of us joined in with his laughter. The best outcome in my head had been him not dying; him staying on for eight seconds wasn’t something I even considered.

“You finally found a horse you can ride”, Ryan laughed as he spoke.
“And he rides it fuckin’ well” Lloyd slapped Jimmy in the back.
“Shit, i’m gonna let you win a game of blackjack for that performance” I was genuinely gobsmacked at what we just watched.

We all needed a sit-down after that, especially Jimmy, who seemed like he was in absolute disbelief. We were all quiet as we sat on the bench; it felt like words would ruin the moment. It was ten minutes of pure silence, us three sending each other uncertain looks as Jimmy sat completely still.

“What if that was just a fluke? Beginner's luck?” Jimmy finally spoke.
“I ain’t never seen a beginner have luck like that”, Lloyd laughed.
“I think I need to go again, make sure it wasn’t just a joke from I dunno God or something” Jimmy went to stand, and Lloyd pushed him down with a hand on his shoulder.

“Sit down for another ten minutes, gotta let the rush fully come off before you can go again”, Lloyd was the words of wisdom as always.
“If this one goes the same, what's next?” Jimmy’s eagerness surprised me.
“We sign you up to the fuckin’ rodeo” Lloyd looked like a proud dad right now.

We did as he said, sat around the bench for another ten minutes before we all walked back over to the arena. I don’t know if it’s just in my mind, but the horse has always looked angry, and now it looks seething. Annoyed that a human had one over on him. It made me feel more uneasy than I was before Jimmy got on for the first time. This horse wanted revenge.

I stood in the same place as last time, the timer ready on my phone just in case it was my counting last time, and it wasn’t actually eight seconds. I don’t know why I’m even thinking about doubting myself when Jimmy is putting his life at risk.

The gate opens.

It actually felt like I was watching in slow motion. I didn’t even know a horse could move like he is right now. It must be breaking a record or something, I should have recorded it so we had proof of what we’re seeing right now.

“Four!” I shouted.

Halfway

Jimmy seems more controlled this time, like he’s learnt exactly what he has to do after going in blind the first time. Lloyd had known exactly what to shout at him, and it was working.

“Six!”

I can’t quite believe my eyes.

“EIGHT!”

He did it again. He did it fucking well. This time, all four of us were making so much noise, I’m sure the people in town could hear us. Not only was it not beginner's luck, but it looks like Jimmy has found his perfect talent. I’m not a bronc riding expert, but from what I’ve seen, Jimmy does stand a good chance.

“What the FUCK is going on here?” Rip’s voice behind me made me jump.

In all of our excitement, none of us had heard the truck pull up at the barn. I hadn’t even considered if this was something they should have asked permission to do, and by the tone of Rip’s voice, they should have.

“Jimmy found his talent”, I replied with a smile, hoping I could break through some of the anger.
“Baby, I love you, please give me a minute to work this out” I watched him soften for a second, before it disappeared again.

“Lloyd, you better tell me what the fuck is happening right fucking now” you know Rip is serious when he adds the g to his fuckin’.
“Jimmy needs cash, the only thing we could think of”, Lloyd was honest despite knowing he’d messed up.
“The only thing? The only fucking thing?” Rip was clenching his hands like he was about to punch a hole through the fence.

“Listen, Rip, he owes some bad people, and this is the quickest way he can make the money. Damn we didn’t even know if he’d be any good” Lloyd shrugged.
“I don’t give a shit who he owes money to, do we look like a fucking rodeo training camp?” Rip was not backing down.

I don’t like the view Rip is taking on this. Sure, they should have asked, but Jimmy is clearly in a hard place right now, and he’s good at this. It isn’t a prison, he should be able to do this if he wants to.

“Rip, he’s good at it. You should see him, it was really something” I tried to de-escalate the conversation.
“I ain’t seeing fucking anything, none of my cowboys are doing fucking rodeo. Have no use for a wrangler in a fucking wheelchair. You don’t know what’s gonna fucking happen to him, you won’t be here to see it ” he kept the same tone with me as he had them.

Ouch.

I clamped my jaw shut, just giving him an eyebrow raise as a response. He knows i’m pissed at him right now, i’m not being spoken to in that way whether he meant it or not. I’ve learnt to keep my mouth shut when i’m pissed off because my tongue can spit venom off it and as much as i’m annoyed right now I don’t want to do that.

“Shit, Lainey wait” Rip called out from behind me as I walked away.

I took myself to my smoking table and sparked one. I need this little Marlboro gold to burn my anger away as fast as it burns the tobacco. Nicotine is my fix for everything, but I need it to happen whilst I’m alone.

“Baby, I’m sorry. I should never have used that tone with you or said that. I didn’t mean to” Rip appeared in front of me.
“Give me some time, please”, I looked straight through him.

I watched as his face fell, and he didn’t want to walk away from me. I’m sure if I asked him to get on his knees and beg, he would in this moment. I don’t want that, I just need to be away from him for a little bit so I don’t say something I don’t even mean.

He took his hat off and ran his hands through his hair, fighting his thoughts. Now that the initial shock is over, I’m more annoyed about his thoughts on Jimmy than what he said to me. He watched me take another drag, seeing my expression remain the same, seemed to tell him I really did mean I needed some time to myself.

“Darlin’, I’m sorry, I love you. I’m going to come home in an hour” Rip turned to leave, his head down in shame.

I finished my cigarette watching the difference in exchange with Lloyd and him now. Lloyd had one hand on his back, I’d imagine, reassuring him and also scolding him for letting his words slip out like that towards me.

When I was certain his back was turned, I stood and made my way back to our house. I could feel Rip’s eyes burning into me as I walked away, even though I tried to time it to avoid that happening. I know he wants nothing more than to chase after me.

I spent the walk over letting myself argue out loud with him, knowing that no one could hear what I was saying. Getting the words out into the air always helps me take the edge off. I just look mental as I do it.

I turned my music on as loud as possible once I was through the door. Sad songs always help me fight my anger, and that’s what’s needed right now. I tried to think of other things Jimmy could do once my anger subsided slightly. My plan is to try and talk Rip into letting him do the rodeo, he needs that money.

After pacing the living room for a while, I decided a shower was needed before Rip got back. Everyone knows the best place to plan a conversation is in the shower, and I have just enough time to perfect it.

I heard the front door close just as I was exiting, it was seconds before Rip was making his way up the stairs. His footsteps were fast and loud, he wanted me to know he was about to enter. I appreciated that, and I’m sure his head hasn’t been a nice place to be over the last hour.

“Hey”, he almost whispered as he stood in the doorway.
“Hey”, I gave a soft smile.
“I’m so sorry, I don’t think I can ever say sorry enough, baby. I was angry and it’s not an excuse, but it will never and I mean fucking never happen again” the sadness was pouring out of his whole body.
“I know it won’t”, I sat on the end of the bed and tapped a spot next to me for him.

“You sure?” This is this home, and right now, I’m sure he would leave if I asked him to.
“Sit with me, cowboy” I watched his eyes light up, hearing my words.
“What can I do to make it better, baby?” I have never seen such emotion in one person's eyes until right now.
“Nothing, you’ve kicked yourself enough. I accept the apology, I shouldn’t have spoken up when you asked me not to. It just shocked me at first” I wanted to touch him so bad right now, but I want to talk about Jimmy first.

“Have you changed your mind on Jimmy?” I finally asked.
“No, I can’t risk losing a wrangler baby, you know how it is” I hoped Lloyd had managed to get through to him, but it seems not.
“Rip, he needs it. He’s in a bad place right now. What would you do if it were you?” I pleaded with him.

“Shit, I probably wouldn’t risk killing or paralyzing myself” Rip’s hands were clamped together tight, fighting the urge to touch me.
“Does that not make you think about how much he needs it? That he’s willing to risk his life to this extent?” I watched as his eyes traced the floor, looking for something to focus on.

“I hadn’t thought of it like that, baby” It seemed like something had just clicked in his brain.
“I think you should think of it like that, he clearly wants to live, or he wouldn’t be trying to find the money” I smiled at putting it so simply.
“I need you to be my voice of reason all the fuckin’ time, baby” I saw Rip’s smile for the first time since this morning.

He stood up from the spot next to me and walked across the room. I was hoping I was about to fall into my cowboy’s arms, but it seems he has a different idea, which made me crave his touch even more.

“Where are you going?” My voice came out needier than I expected it to.
“Gonna brush my pretty girl's hair”, he smiled softly as he got undressed and walked back towards me with the brush.

My whole world soothed when I felt the warmth of his chest on my back as I sat between his legs. My head fell back as he brushed my hair gently. God, I love this man.

Chapter Text

“Good mornin’ darlin’”, Rip spoke softly, his arms wrapped tight around me.
“Good morning, baby” My words came out slurred from my sleepy state.

In one swift move, Rip was now hovering over the top of me, on his knees between my legs. The move put a smile on my face as he stared down at me below him. My smile must have been contagious because the same one came across his face, too. His bed head is one of the cutest things in the world, his curls out of control before his shower and his hat that flattens them. He stroked my face with his finger slowly, moving a stray piece of hair out of my face.

“You’re the most beautiful thing to ever walk this planet, baby”, he cooed softly, never taking his eyes off mine.
“You’re in a good mood this morning, huh, cowboy?” I brushed the compliment off.
“You’re gonna be too after this, darlin’” Rip licked his lips as he cast his eyes across my naked body.

He leant his head down to place a kiss on my forehead before placing one on both of my cheeks. He took a moment to rub his beard against my face, sending goosebumps across my body. When he had got his desired reaction, he placed one gentle kiss on my lips.

“So reactive for me aren’t you, baby? I haven’t even touched you yet,” his accent got thicker with his arousal.

Moving further down he danced his fingertips across the bruising he left on my neck, his mouth coming down to genly suck on each bruise. A moan fell from my lips as he cupped both of my boobs in his large hands. His thumbs gliding over my nipples, a growl escaped his mouth as he watched them harden from his touch.

“My horny fuckin’ girl” Rip’s voice was so low it sent shivers down my spine.

He dragged his teeth across my right nipple as his finger and thumb toyed with the other. His eyes landed on mine as he took one inside of his mouth, flicking his tongue against it as he watched the pleasure take over my face.

“Shall we see how wet you are for me, baby? Just from your nipples being played with?” He teased before biting down on the sensitive bud.

The yelp that came from my mouth put a filthy smile on his lips. As he sat up on his knees to move further down the bed it gave me a full view of his erection, pre cum leaking from the tip as he neglected himself to focus on me.

“Not right now darlin’, I want to taste you when you cum on my tongue” Rip noticed where my eyes had fell.

Fuck, Rip is hot all of the time, but seeing him like this drives me crazy. The trails of dark hair that cover his chest and his stomach down to his dick that perfectly matches the hair on top of his head. His muscular chest that flexes with every movement as his dick stands proudly against his stomach. How is this man mine?

He slid both of his strong arms under my legs, pulling me down the bed towards him. He trailed kisses and bites across my inner thighs, struggling to hold back his smile as he watched my impatience grow.

“Look at you baby, begging me to touch that little pussy without even saying a word” He loved this, knowing how much I need him.

He slowly used his two thumbs to open me for him, giving him a full view of just how much I need him, dripping wet already.
“The tastiest little pussy in the world, so ready for me” Rip hummed, making me wait even longer.

The feeling of his tongue licking across me made my hips buck immediately, Rip moved one arm to rest across my stomach to hold me down, locking me in place for him. He gave me some more teasing licks before finally moving to focus on my clit.

The noises that came out of my mouth as he sucked on that one spot are unholy. He knows exactly how I like it, his tongue moving in a slow rhythm as I grind against his face. He let out a groan against me as I moved my hands to play with my nipples, the vibration of his voice against me just amplifying the pleasure.

“That’s my good girl, does that feel good baby?” All I could do was nod my head, words failing me.
“Use your words for me”, Rip teased.
“It feels amazing”, I managed to speak fast, needing to feel him again.
“Let’s see how tight you are, darlin’”, Rip spoke with a smile.

My head fell back into the pillow as he slowly inserted one long finger inside of me. I could feel myself pulsing around him as he slowly moved against my G-spot, the most teasing pace he could give me.

“The tightest little pussy” Rip sighed “so tight even around one finger”
“Rip, please, faster”, I pleaded with him.
“So needy, that’s my dirty girl,” Rip growled in response.

He gave me what I needed and sped up his movements as he curled his finger in just the right spot. My eyes went wide as he inserted a second finger at the same relentless pace. His fingers are so much bigger than mine, opening me in a way that I can’t.

“You’re taking it so good, baby”, Rip praised me.

He softly stroked my clit with his thumb, putting more weight on my stomach as I wriggled against him from the pleasure. I was getting close, and Rip could sense it. The way his fingers moved against my G-spot felt otherworldly.

“Fuck, daddy” I moaned between heavy breaths.
“That’s it baby, are you going to cum for daddy?” Rip’s voice is deep and dark.
“I’m close”, I struggled to speak as his pace sped up again.
“Cum for me darlin’, cum for daddy” Rip growled.

His mouth found it’s way back to me, one movement of his tongue against my clit and I fell apart beneath him. My legs were shaking as the orgasm blurred the world around me. Rip coaxed me through it, his fingers only slowing once I had come down. My breaths are deep and heavy.

“Jesus Christ, Rip”, I laughed softly.
“Good apology, baby?” he asked, a hint of shyness about bringing it up again.
“The best apology I have ever got”, I smiled.

He moved back up the bed, lying on his back, pulling me onto him so my head rested on his chest. As I hooked my leg up around him, I felt his erection still there and still angry. I moved one hand down to wrap around it.

“Not this morning, baby, this was just about you. We can take care of that tonight,” he moved my hand back up to rest on his stomach.
“Are you sure, cowboy? That looks almost painful,” I half joked.
“More than sure darlin’, just wanted you to have a nice wake up, say sorry for being an asshole again” he smiled down at me, leaving a kiss on my forehead.

The worst part of Rip’s wake-up was that we did need to get out of bed and ready for the day. I don’t know how he timed it so perfectly when we’ve been so bad at waking up with enough time to get it out of our systems for the day recently. He could have set an alarm to wake him up, and I just slept through it; that is very much not uncommon for me.

“Shower with me?” Rip asked from the bathroom.
“I’m not sure my legs work after that”, I replied with a laugh.
“That’s okay, pretty girl, I got you”, Rip spoke with a smirk.

I heard him turn the shower on before he reappeared, walking over to the bed. In one movement, he had his arms under my legs and lifted me against his chest. Despite my protests, he carried me to the shower, which was now at the perfect heat shown by the steam filling the room.

“I love you so damn much” Rip covered my face in kisses.
“I love you, too, cowboy, now put me down, please”, I laughed at my lovesick man.
“Never,” he continued with his attack of kisses.

“There are so many people around here who are terrified of you, and you’re just here showering me with kisses”, I laughed as he kept going.
“That’s just how I like it, baby. My lady is the only one who gets to see me being soft” The smile on his face melted my heart.

Without putting me down, Rip managed to open the shower door and walk us both in, manoeuvring me so my back is pushed against the wall and my legs wrapped around him. His smile was still big as he looked so deeply into my eyes, I'm worried that he can see into my soul.

“You have to let me down at some point”, I teased. I could feel his erection was back.
“I’m just gonna carry you around all day, actually baby” his assault of kisses moved to my neck.
“Your arms are gonna be fucking tired, how are you gonna work?” his neediness is amusing me.
“My arms will never get fuckin’ tired of you being in them” In this moment, I do believe him.

As much as I'm enjoying the sentiment of being in Rip’s arms with no escape, he does need them for work today. I saw my chance and unhooked my legs from around him, I don’t need to worry about it being slippery under my feet because he’ll catch me. As soon as my feet hit the floor, I looked up at him, and he had an actual pout on his face. My big, strong, stern cowboy has a pout like a little boy.

“Please don’t ever pout at me like that again, I almost climbed back up you” I laughed at him.
“What I'm hearing is I should do that more than darlin’?” Rip joked back.
“Only if you want my heart to break from looking at you”, I gave him a pout back.
“You have the most kissable lips in the whole fuckin’ world. Pout more, baby, I'll give you everything I've got,” he whispered in my ear.

Rip walked us both under the stream of hot water, which felt amazing on my skin. I watched him reach for my shampoo and lather it in his hands. He started massaging my scalp with it, and I thought I might end up having another orgasm.

Those hands that I've seen him beat men with are the most gentle hands in the world when it comes to me. I turned to face him as he ran his hands through my hair to rinse the shampoo out, and he had such a heavy concentration face on that I just wanted to squeeze him. My gentle giant.

Rip insisted on doing everything from conditioning my hair to the shower gel. I'm not cancelling out that it was because he didn’t want to miss a chance at copping a feel, he did spend a lot of time on my chest, but it was cute regardless.

As soon as we stepped out of the shower, Rip was beside me with my towel, wrapping me up in it as I just smiled at him. I think if I speak right now, I might end up crying, I have never felt so loved in my entire life.

“Come stand in front of the mirror, baby”, Rip directed me as he wrapped a towel around his waist.

I did exactly what he said. Usually, I would shy away from looking at myself in the mirror when someone else is around. Finding all of my flaws is the easiest thing to do, there isn’t very much I like about my appearance. This felt different, though; the only thing I could see was the love in my eyes for Rip Wheeler.

He was back with my hairbrush, which he had retrieved from when he brushed my hair last night. All I could do was stare at our reflection, the contrast of Rip’s darkness with the pink brush almost amusing me. I could see his focus on his face, but all the years of looking after the horses have made him very good at this.

Sadness hit me as soon as he was done with my hair. I would have happily stood in this spot with Rip forever right now. I'm sure he could see the expression on my face change, wrapping his arms around my chest and holding me tight against him as he rested his head on mine.

“What’s wrong, pretty girl?” The concern was painted all over Rip’s face.
“This is the most loved I have ever felt in my life” My voice was quiet, tears threatening to spill over.
“Why is that making you sad, baby?” We made eye contact through the mirror.
“There are a few reasons, one in particular. It’s a mix of happy and sad, though,” I mustered up a small smile.
“The reason we can’t talk about yet?” I could see the moment he realised.

Words were going to ruin me, so I just gave him a small nod. I have less than a week left here. Less than a week with Rip. His arms tightened on me, squeezing me just the way I like. Suffocated by Rip is one of my happy places. The love is pouring out of us as we softly swayed in each other's embrace.

“You love me more than Bubba, right, baby?” Rip asked, surprising me.
“It depends who gives me the better ride on the day”, I laughed, the seriousness leaving the room.
“Well shit, I better win that today” Rip winked.

I hit shuffle on my big playlist as we both got dressed for the day. My routine is thinking about what of Rip’s I can put on each day. I love wearing his clothes so much, and being draped in his scent all day makes me feel safe and cosy.

“Darlin’, I've been cowboying for nearly my whole life. How do you possibly know more country music than me?” Rip laughed from across the room as I was singing along to a Treaty Oak Revival song.
“Because I'm fucking cool obviously” I poked my tongue out at him.

“Shit, that was never in doubt. What is the real answer, though?” he looked amused, yet intrigued.
“I like sad songs, a lot of country songs are sad. It all spiralled from there, and now I'm singing those same songs with my cowboy all the way in Montana,” I smiled at the full circle moment.

Rip made us his mother's pancakes for breakfast, and I devoured every bit of them. I need to find American bacon in England. Ours just is not the same, and I can already see the homesickness for here coming.

I’m convinced that if you ask Rip what his favourite things are in this world, watching me eat food he’s made would be in the top 10. His smile stays on his face even as he eats, it’s so heartwarming. A quick thought of him eating at this table with his future family washed over me. Ouch.

I tried to do the dishes, but Rip insisted he do them whilst I had my morning smoke. I've never been particularly religious, but I want to thank God for the way he made this man. I didn’t think gentlemen even existed in this world until I came across that man. English boys need to take a lesson, that's for sure.

I pulled my phone out to check it for the first time today and clocked the time. 6:04 AM. what fucking time did we wake up? If you told any of my friends and family that I was happy being awake at this time, they would try to have you sectioned. Rip really did make an active effort to wake up early so we could have a nice morning together as his way of apologising once more.

“You ready, darlin’?” Rip asked as he walked onto the porch.
“Yes, sir, did you set an alarm this morning? I just noticed what time it was and how long we’ve already been awake,” I asked.
“Baby, you would sleep through a freight train smashing through the house if it happened before 9 in the morning,” Rip laughed.
“That is why I have you. I'll take that as a yes, then?” his response has amused me.
“I set it just after you fell to sleep. Come on, let’s annoy everyone with our happiness this morning” Rip held his hand out to me.

We walked over hand in hand, mainly talking about country music. He might lack on movie knowledge, but as a true cowboy, he does know a lot about music. Just not as much as me, a girl from England…

“You two made up then?” Lloyd was the first to greet us.
“I think I made it up to her” Rip still looked unsure as he squeezed my hand.
“Oh fuck yeah, he made it up to me” I couldn’t hide the grin on my face.
“Shit, I'm avoiding the tack room today then sweetheart” Lloyd laughed.
“Yeah, I probably would if I were you, old man”, I teased him back.
“That's my fuckin’ girl”, Rip laughed at the interaction.

“I’m sorry for what I said yesterday, Rip” Ryan was the next out of the door.
“What? What the fuck did you say Ryan?” Rip was confused.
“You idiot, I was joking”, I burst out in laughter at the sheepish expression on Ryan’s face.
“Well shit, I've been preparing for a beating all night after the anger yesterday too” Ryan let out a deep exhale.
“She didn’t tell me nothing, seems like she saved your ass from whatever it was” Rip looked between us, lost in the conversation.

The conversation about Jimmy didn’t come up again, it seemed like everyone was slightly avoiding Rip after the three had filled them in on the situation at the arena yesterday. We got about the usual cowboying, back into the normal routine.

I got to have a couple of goes at roping, but it was pretty clear I am not a natural talent when it comes to that, much to my disappointment. It did give the guys a good few laughs, karma for all the times I've laughed at their failures. It’s a good job we’re all friends, or some people would be left with pretty hurt feelings after a few hours in the group.

Rip, as usual, tried to keep praising me; he would never say anything negative about me. He did get a few joking scowls from me when I caught him holding back a laugh a few times, though. I need to try and get more practice in the next few days.

When I did finally manage to land a rope, it got me a pretty loud response from everyone. Hollers and claps with Rip throwing some wolf whistles my way, watching everyone to make sure they don’t overstep in their silly celebrations for me.

We made our way back to the bunkhouse for lunchtime. I was already starting to feel tired after such an early, yet lovely wake-up. Tonight, an early night was needed; I can get all of my lie-ins when I'm back at home. Alone.

“Supply trip day, Lanes, you coming?” Ryan asked as he dangled the keys to his new Yellowstone truck, which John had bought this week.
“Not a chance you two are taking her again. Just me and Lainey on the run today,” Rip interrupted.
“Aw, sorry, Ryan. Seems I ruined that for us all” I cringed at the memory.

“Gonna go get our truck. Make sure not to let her come to any harm in the next ten minutes,” Rip threatened Ryan.

“Damn he’s never letting that one go huh?” Ryan laughed once Rip was out of earshot.
“Unfortunately, not. I've told him hundreds of times it was my fault,” I laughed.
“It was our last supply run, and we didn’t even know it” Ryan looked genuinely sad.

“You still have a few more days with me, don’t be too upset yet. Got a few rounds of cards for me to beat your arse in” I faked a gun with my fingers and pointed it at him.
“You’ll make sure to come over one night before you go, right?” Ryan asked.
“For sure, not gonna miss seeing Jimmy cry over it”, we both laughed at my answer.

“What are you guys saying about Jimmy and the rodeo now?” I asked as Lloyd approached us.
“I’m gonna give talking to Rip one more chance, and we’ll see how that goes,” Lloyd sighed.
“I think you should, I think his mind might be on its way to changing”, I tried to lay a thick hint.
“You think so, Miss Lainey?” Lloyd looked intrigued.
“I didn’t say a thing,” I joked as Rip’s truck raced up the dirt path.

I said my goodbyes and walked to the truck, I could feel Rip’s eyes burning through me with every step I took. Even when he has sunglasses on, the feeling is just as strong. I thought back to when he said he feels mine in the same way, and a smile came to my mouth.

“What’s my pretty girl smiling about?” He asked as he jumped out to get my door for me.
“Nothing, was just thinking about this guy” I saw his features harden, “he’s hot as hell”, he took a deep inhale, “and he finger fucked the life out of me this morning” my smile got bigger.
“Baby, your ass is going to hurt to sit on tonight for that” Rip grinned back at me.
“Worth it,” I shrugged.

“Soooo, is this just a normal supply run, or do I get to persuade you to let me look in the shops?” I bit my lip as I waited for his answer.
“I fuckin’ knew you were doing that every time,” Rip laughed.
“Does that mean yes?” I batted my eyelashes at him.
“Whatever my girl wants, my girl gets”, he squeezed my thigh where his hand was resting.

I love the drive into town, it’s so peaceful. For the majority of the drive, you never see another car on the road, I guess that's because John owns so much of the land that it takes us so long to get out of it. The CD Rip had made was blasting through the speakers as I sang along to the music, Rip watching me with a smirk as he played with the pick in his mouth.

“Tell me about home, baby?” he turned the music down.
“Which home are we talking about? Home home, home or this home?” I overcomplicated it on purpose.
“Home home, I think? Where you grew up, darlin’?” Rip replied.
“What do you want to know about? You know, there are 100 tangents I can go on,” I laughed.

“Describe it to me, what’s there? What does it look like?” he gave me a look that told me he wanted an honest answer.
“What’s there? Nothing really, it’s a small town that has absolutely nothing going for it at all. An hour from a city, up and down, but my family are all there. If you don’t leave before a certain age, you get stuck there forever. Baby at 15 or 18 with a shitty baby daddy and a dead end job for the rest of your life” I replied honestly.
“You’re real good with words, you know that, baby? Go on,” Rip was amused by my answer.

“It looks pretty for about six weeks a year, we have a beach. No one goes to the beach, though, because it’s gross, well, we go to it but only for a walk. Like, no one is sitting there relaxing for hours if you get what I mean? We did used to go hide on the dunes at night and get high or drunk as teenagers, though” I pulled a face as I tried to explain it.
“I’ve never been to the beach, never seen the sea”, Rip admitted.
“Oh wow, I'm sorry. You need to do that, just to say you’ve seen it. If it helps, I don’t think you would love it” I tried to lighten the conversation.

“Tell me more, baby. What do you like about there?” he was asking the hard questions, now.
“That’s not an easy one to answer. I like that it’ll always be my home; it has a certain feeling to it. We have amazing fish and chips and ice cream, no other places have ever impressed me with those two things” I went for the light answer first.
“And why did you leave?” he didn’t let me escape that question.

“I was freshly 21, tensions had been high for a while. I wasn’t well mentally, and I wasn’t being supported. It all blew up one night. My mum's boyfriend is an alcoholic and not a chill one. To cut a long story short, he tried to beat me and then kill my mum. I stopped it all, and she kicked him out. For two days and I gave her an option of me and him, guess which she chose? My car was packed the next day, I guess I ran away when I put it that way” Rip’s hands were pale from how hard he was squeezing the steering wheel.

“Fuck baby” he exhaled deeply “i’m so sorry. I'll kill him for you too” the feeling of his anger filled the truck.
“It’s okay, ended up being the best thing I ever did. Things with my dad were bad around that time too, I was afraid in my own house. Of the angry man who lived there and the other angry man who kept trying to break in for drug money. I got myself into a university, and here I am now,” I smiled at Rip.

“Where did you go when you got there?” I think he’s just asking questions to distract himself, but he isn’t going to like this answer.
“I wasn’t homeless, I was when my mum left a previous ex-husband for being abusive when I was 11, but this time I wasn’t. I went to my ex’s house, he lived in Manchester. I got my place as soon as I could; all the signs were there, but not as clear as when I lived with him. I just stupidly let it carry on a few years too long,” I laughed at myself.

“Baby, please stay here. This is the only home out of the places you’ve listed that you never have to worry about any of those things” Rip’s hand was back on my thigh, gripping for dear life.
“You know I can’t, if I could, then I would. You don’t even have to think about it being because I don’t want to. Plus, I do miss prawn cocktail crisps” I tried to change the conversation.

“What did you say? Prawn cocktail?” Rip sounded both disgusted and amused.
“Oh, they’re the best, I can literally taste them now. I'm going to buy some before I even leave the airport,” I laughed.

Luckily for us, both rows of shops on the main street became visible, excusing both of us from the conversation. I need to go back on our agreement of not talking about me leaving until the night before. Right now, I just want to window shop for some things I'm never going to buy.

Rip hopped out of the truck first, coming around to open my door for me. I'm pretty sure I saw a group of girls, probably around 30 years old, turn around and stare at us. It immediately made me feel self-conscious, but I tried to forget about it as soon as Rip wrapped my hand in his.

We headed straight into what was now my favourite boutique in town, they have so much native made turquoise jewellery, pieces I would never be able to get back home. I've treated myself to a new ring from here already, so I was only here to dream.

“Wow, that's beautiful”, I point at the lightning bolt turquoise ring.
“Baby, I think every one of these rings was made just for you,” Rip laughed as he looked around.
“I think that too, that’s why I don’t come in here every run”, I replied.

“Excuse me, ma’am, can my lady try this on?” Rip shouted over to the owner of the store.
“Rip, I'm being good, I'm not buying anything”, I whispered, so the woman couldn’t hear we were wasting her time.
“Just try it on darlin’, I wanna see what it looks like on you” He wrapped one arm around my stomach as he reached out to grab the ring.

I can’t even lie, it might be the most me piece of jewellery I've ever tried on. It fit perfectly without having to ask if they had another size, my impulse buying brain telling me it was a sign to buy it. The price tag was out of my budget, though. I'm not massively short on money, but I'm aware I'm about to go back to reality and shouldn’t buy just because.

“Fuckin’ perfect”, Rip caressed my hand where the ring sat.
“I agree, but I'm not buying it. I'm being good today, cowboy,” I smiled at my newfound willpower.
“Really? Damn darlin’, it’s like it was made for you” Rip looked disappointed in my answer.
“You said that about everything in this store, let’s get out before I change my mind”, I laughed.

We browsed through a couple more stores, Rip encouraging me to get anything I looked at for more than one second. A lot of encouragement from a man who only owns like five shirts, that I share with him now, so technically he only has 4 at one time.

We were in one of the small town's vintage stores when I noticed the old photobooth hidden away in the back. One thing about me is that I will never say no to a photobooth, especially if it’s an old analogue one, which this one seems to be.

“Rip, we have to. I fucking love photoboots” I tried to tune down my excitement.
“I ain’t never gonna say no when you have a smile that big on your face” His smile matched mine.
“We have to go twice, though, so we can both keep one?” I was not going to give up my copy.
“You tell me what to do and I will, baby” Rip removed the toothpick from his mouth as we walked over.

Rip looked confused at the one-seat situation, I don’t think he’s ever been in a photobooth, which slightly amused me. This man has lived more than most people could ever think of, yet it feels like I'm always introducing him to the most random of things.

“You sit and I'll sit on your knee”, I instructed my cowboy.
“Shit, I'm liking the idea of this more and more” Rip gave me a dirty smirk.
“None of that, I'm not flashing my boobs in here” I laughed at his dirty mind.

Once I had positioned us correctly, I gave Rip a rundown of what was going to happen and to get his smile ready now, as the first flash always happens faster than you expect. He was taking it so seriously now, I had to hold back my laugh at him.

“Smile”
“Scowl”
“Silly face”

“Gimme a kiss,” Rip beat me to the final photo idea.

“Now we do it all again?” Rip asked.
“Yeah, that way we don’t have to cut them up. We both get to keep one,” I started putting the coins in.
“And no boobs? Just to double-check,” Rip raised an eyebrow.
“You’re such a pervert” We both laughed.

He let out a deep exhale as soon as the final photo was done, like he’d just done one of the hardest things in his life. Only Rip Wheeler would feel nervous about making sure he did the poses right, yet not about anything else in this world. He melts my heart.

“Why’s it taking so long?” Rip was like an impatient child right now.
“Because it’s developing inside, it takes a few minutes”, I assured him.
“Damn, I want to see them now” Rip scowled.
“Baby, this might be the one thing that you can scowl at, and it won’t make it work faster,” I laughed at his expression.

When they finally dropped out of the slot, I had to hold Rip back so I could get a picture of them sitting there. He held them like a newborn when I warned him about them coming out wet and how easily they can get damaged as they dry.

Anyone watching us must have thought we were crazy with how big both of our smiles are right now. It had captured our love perfectly. Me on Rip’s knee with his arm wrapped around me tight as usual, as we smiled like lovesick teenagers. They’re perfect.

We walked back to the truck hand in hand, It was so nice to be in town just us two. Just going about our normal lives like it is never going to change. These little moments of nothing in particular are going to leave an ache in my chest when I think back to them.

We arrived at our last stop of the day, the big supply store. Usually at this point, I leave Ryan and Colby to go and get the supplies on the list as I find myself looking through the clothes and, most importantly, the boots.

Rip followed me, I guess not wanting to let me out of his sight for a second after what happened at the diner. The wooden shelves are lined with hundreds of pairs of boots, and I lead us both straight to the section for my size.

My eyes fell on the most beautiful pair of boots I have ever seen. A pair of square-toe Ariats, a dusty grey suede with intricate pink stitching and pink leather lining with a pink bow hanging from the sides. I'm sure my eyes looked like they were about to pop out of my head as I admired them.

“Try them on, darlin’”, Rip instructed.
“I can’t, the last thing I need is another pair of boots” I shook my head.
“Just try them on, baby” Rip grabbed the left shoe off the shelf and walked to the seats.
“Okay, just trying them on is fine”, I tried to convince myself.

I am being tested today by someone. They fit perfectly. The cutest pair of boots I have ever seen in my entire life, and they fit like a glove. I stood up to walk over to the mirror to look at them in their full glory.

“What do you think, baby? Pretty boots for the prettiest girl,” Rip encouraged me.
“I love them” was my honest response.
“I can see that”, Rip laughed at the awe on my face.

I walked back to where my old pair of trusty Ariats were waiting for me, taking the gorgeous ones off and replacing them with my pair. Lainey, be strong here. If I didn’t buy the ring, I can walk away from these just as easily. I took them back over to the shelf and left them there.

“Baby, what in the fuck are you doing?” Rip looked baffled.
“Being good”, I replied.
“Shit, I wish you would let me into that head of yours. You love 'em, why wouldn’t you get them?” he asked.
“I’m working on my willpower”, I assured myself as I walked away from them.

Now it was time for a quick look through the clothes in the store. Going back to English clothing shops is going to be such a culture shock. What do you mean I can’t find any type of bootcut jean or pearl snap I could ever imagine in one place?

“Hey, is that your jacket?” I asked when I spotted the black barn jacket.
“Sure is, just not got the embroidery” Rip always carries the Y on his chest, under his clothes and on them.
“Yours looks way cooler than it does on the hanger”, I laughed.
“You want one baby?” Rip’s eyes light up every time he sees an opportunity for us to have something similar.

“Nah, I like yours because it’s yours, cowboy. I like it smelling like you,” I smiled up at him.
“You know it drives me crazy when you wear my clothes, darlin’”, Rip smirked.
“That's another reason why I like it so much”, I leaned on my tiptoes to give him a quick kiss.

We left the store after buying all the supplies that were written down on a piece of paper. My old technology-fearing man. Rip wouldn’t let me help with any of the lifting, so I just followed him around the whole time. Not that I mind getting to stare at him, and this is giving me lots of opportunities to do so.

“When we get back, drop me off at home and I'll get dinner started. You need to have a talk with Lloyd,” I instructed when we got back in the truck.
“Yes, ma’am”, Rip laughed at me, telling him what to do.
“You’re going to be nice, right?” I gave him a warning look.
“I’m always nice, baby” Rip gave me a ridiculous fake smile that set us both off laughing.

Chapter Text

“So there's a rodeo tonight”, Rip said between bites of his breakfast.
“There is?” his vagueness intrigued me.
“Ain’t too far from here, and Jimmy is going to be riding," Rip said quietly.
“Are you serious?” I hadn’t asked how the talk had gone last night, I was focused on the sex he promised all day.

“Serious as a heart attack, darlin’. You were right, and I got Mr Dutton’s approval to confirm it”, Rip continued explaining.
“This is amazing news. I just hope he manages to get the money he needs” I crossed my fingers.
“Does that mean you’ll be my date for the night, honey?” God, his accent drives me crazy.

We haven’t been able to keep our hands off each other recently, and right now was no different. I slid my chair out from under the table and walked around to Rip, who looked unsure about what I was doing. He is sitting back in his chair, making it perfect for me to swing my leg over him and straddle him.

“I’ll be your date any night, cowboy” I wrapped my arms behind his neck.
“Yeah? I'm gonna hold you to that, baby,” he rested both of his hands on my waist.
“You can hold me to you any fucking time” I smiled back at him.

I leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on Rip’s lips, but he had other ideas. As soon as my lips were on his, his hand was on the back of my head, allowing him to deepen the kiss as much as he wanted to. The feeling of his beard scratching my face as our tongues moved together had my hips grinding against him without thinking.

The friction of his dick trapped between our two layers of denim against me made my mouth fall open for a moan to escape, Rip took advantage of it and caught my lip between his teeth, softly biting down. Using both hands to push me down against him.

The reaction my body has to this man should be studied. How does he have me dry humping him in the kitchen at 6 AM? Yet I wouldn’t change a single thing.

He moved one hand from my waist to gently pull on my hair as the other pushed me down harder on him. I used my nails to gently drag across his curls, a deep groan filling my mouth in response.

“Fuck, baby, we don’t have time” Rip sighed as he caught sight of the sun rising behind the mountains.
“Please”, I moaned as I continued grinding against him.
“Look, baby, the sun's almost up”, Rip pointed to the kitchen window.

Instead of following his eyes, I grabbed his hand and moved his finger to my mouth. Taking it inside and slowly sucking on it. His eyes were on me, hooded and transfixed as I made it as dirty as possible.

“Fuck, you’re so good for me baby. Open your mouth,” Rip spoke lowly.

I did exactly what he said, sticking my tongue out slightly as I gave him the most innocent look I could. Instead of taking his finger away, he added another one, running them both up and down my tongue before I pushed them both back in my mouth. I held his wrist as I sucked and swirled my tongue around them.

Rip’s mouth was slightly open, letting his heavy breaths fall out. His fingers on my waist were digging in hard enough to leave bruises, just as he likes. He took control and pushed his fingers down my tongue as far as they could go. I moaned around them, submitting to his way of testing me.

“Look at you, dirty fucking girl. Desperate for my dick aren’t you?” Rip growled.

I took my opportunity and pulled his fingers out of my mouth and stood as fast as I could, knowing my legs would be shaky from how turned on I am. He let out the most animalistic noise I've ever heard him make at the sudden distance between us. I couldn’t help but smile seeing him left there with the tent in his jeans.

“Come on, we’re going to be late, aren’t we?” I teased.
“I'm gonna make you scream my name so loud tonight, that someone's gonna call the cops, baby” Rip adjusted himself in his jeans.
“Don’t threaten me with a good time, cowboy”, I grinned.

We took the truck over to the barn, for reasons I'm unsure of, but us being in such a confined space after what just happened was hard. The arousal was still there for both of us, wanting nothing more than to rip each other's clothes off and get it out of our system.

“Darlin’, I'm gonna need you to give me a kiss before we get out,” Rip said as we parked.
“I have smoky breath” I shook my head.
“Good, every time I smell smoke, I want to think about your lips on mine” His words hurt my heart.

I unbuckled my seat belt and climbed over onto him. If that’s what he wants, then that’s what I'll give him. There was a softness to the kiss, unlike this morning's, yet it was still messy and needy. Our tongues sliding across each others in the way that sends shocks down to my pussy.

There was a knock on the truck window that almost took Rip’s attention off me. Without even looking, I threw a middle finger up at the window and kept going. I could feel the smile on Rip’s face at my reaction. After a couple of seconds, I let him go, both of us laughing as we clocked the wranglers with their hands over their eyes.

“Shit, I love you darlin’” Rip spoke between laughter.
“I love you, cowboy. Was that good enough for you?” I smiled at him.
“Better than I could have ever wished for, pretty girl,” Rip grinned back.

“That was fucking GROSS” Ryan exclaimed as I jumped down from the Rip’s door.
“I think I might be.. Sick…” Jimmy faked a gag, earning a smack across the head from Lloyd.
“Well you shouldn’t have been watching, fucking perverts” I laughed at them.
“My girl is right, fuckin’ perverts” Rip followed behind me, the biggest grin on his face.
“You guys have a whole house, why did you need to do that here?” Colby added.
“Shit, none of you fuckin’ virgins would understand what having a girl like this does to you” Rip shut them all down as I blushed.

“Anyway, I hear something cool is happening tonight?” I directed the question at Jimmy.
“Yeah, Jimmy might actually die”, Colby joked, earning a look from both Rip and Lloyd.
“Thank you for the encouragement, Colby”, Jimmy rolled his eyes, “just gotta hope it wasn’t just beginner's luck”
“I have all my faith in you to pull this off” I gave him a quick side hug.

“Look at that! Jimmy has his first buckle bunny!” Colby exclaimed.
“Huh?” I asked.
“What the fuck did you just say? You better watch your mouth when you talk about her” Rip grabbed Colby’s shirt and pushed him back.

“What the fuck is going on? Anyone wanna tell me what a buckle bunny is?” I asked, completely baffled as Rip came back to my side.
“You’re gonna find that out tonight” Ryan was the only one to answer, the rest of them stood silent not wanting to piss Rip off.

“Lainey, I know the people running it from way back. Can get you to the side of the ring for photos?” Lloyd asked, an expert in changing the topic of conversation.
“Oh yes, please, that would be amazing, Lloyd.” I beamed at him.
“Sure thing, can’t wait to see the ones you get”, Lloyd tipped his hat at me.

We got on with the morning chores, splitting up in different directions. I could hear Colby getting laughed at by Ryan for being so stupid in front of Rip, which put a smile on my face. I still have no idea what it even meant, but I am intrigued to find out tonight, as Ryan said. Was Rip a bit hasty in putting his hands on him? Yes. Was it hot? Yes.

I love this time of the day, I can hide around corners and in the shadows to get the best candid photos of all the guys at work. Over the years, I've got pretty good at being able to sneak around undetected, Rip is the only person it doesn’t properly work with because he’s so aware of my presence.

I was hiding slightly behind a hay bale, getting some photos of Jake and Ethan walking through the barn. Once I was happy, I stepped back to turn around, but backed up into something else instead. After my initial jump, I knew exactly who it was. I've spent enough time resting my head on this chest.

“How long have you been standing there?” I laughed as Rip’s arms wrapped around me.
“Long enough to watch my girl at work. You see things none of the rest of us ever would,” Rip complimented me as I flicked through the photos.
“Well, people are gonna see a hell of a lot of you when this comes out,” I laughed, knowing how many photos I've got of him.

“I’ve gotta go out for a few, you happy to stay here?” he trailed kisses down my neck.
“Yeah, have some photos I want to make sure I get. Be careful, whatever you’re doing,” I turned to wrap my arms around him.
“I will, baby, you don’t gotta worry about that”, he stroked my back slowly.
“Don’t take too long, I'll miss you”, I laughed at the fact it was the truth.
“Be back before you know it, darlin’”, Rip assured me.

I made my way over to the wranglers after seeing Rip off. I have no idea what he has to go out to do; he rarely does a job on his own, so I just hope he’s going to get back to me safely tonight. I know enough to just not ask questions now, if he wants to tell me, he will. We’ve operated on being honest with each other the whole time, so if I did ask, I know he would tell.

A whistle from across the field caught all of our attention. I was shocked to see it was Beth making her way across to us, it feels like it’s been so long since I last saw her. I was not shocked, however, to see that she already had a glass of something in her hand.

“Miss Dutton, don’t see you over this side often,” Lloyd greeted her.
“How are you doing, Lloyd? Mind if I steal Lainey for a bit?” Beth had her usual mysterious smile on her face.
“Sure thing, have a good time, whatever trouble you girls will get up to”, Lloyd laughed.

The last thing I want to do right now is go out to some bar with Beth after what happened last time. I need to be in the right mood for that, probably angry and pissed off, right now I'm just happy and don’t want any confrontation with random men.

I followed her lead as she caught me up with all the lives she’s ruined at work since I last saw her. That girl must have some serious air miles with how often she’s flying to different cities across the States.

“Sit”, she gestured to the chairs on the porch of the main house.
“What’s up, Beth?” I asked, slightly suspicious.
“Nothing in particular, don’t worry. Just thought we should have a catch-up,” she downed her glass and refilled it from a bottle hidden behind her chair.
“You know, Beth, when you want to talk about drinking problems, you know where I am” I smiled at her, knowing I've been in the same place.

“I don’t have a drinking problem, it’s the cure”, she laughed, “I have fewer problems now you managed to get Jamie off the ranch. Tell me about that?” She grinned, but I could sense her sadness.
“We were out at summer camp, and he did his usual weak attempt at running his mouth. First time Rip had seen it, and I think John wanted him gone to prevent the beating. That and he was embarrassed by him” I lit a cigarette knowing this was going to end up a rough conversation.

“Well thank fuck for you hey? Everything that piece of shit has done to me and daddy never even considered making him leave” Beth’s mixed feelings were coming aross clear.
“You should tell him what he did to you, Beth. Now, whilst he isn’t here, it might be the best time to do it, you know?” I didn’t want to bring it up, but it needed to be said.
“No. If I'm ever gonna do that, I want him here, I want to see what happens with my own eyes” Beth stared out over the hills.

“I guess at least me being here took Jamie's attention off you”, I tried to lighten the mood.
“I think he just fucking hates to see a strong woman. He sees it in me and he sees it in you, too, Lainey. Scares the spineless bastard,” Beth hissed.
“I’ve come across so many men like him, I'm not scared of them anymore. Probably pissed him off that I didn’t give him the reaction he kept looking for” I laughed softly.

“You said Rip was about to hit him?” Beth looked amused.
“Oh fuck yeah, if John hadn’t been there I think he would have been leaving in a coffin” I exhaled a drag.
“Now that, I would have paid good money to see. That man is head over fuckin’ heels for you,” Beth took another large sip of her Tito’s.
“Me too, unfortunately. I guess the only full promise I made myself is that I wouldn’t shag any guy older than my dad, Rip is younger” I laughed at myself.

“Damn, you’re my kinda girl Lainey. I'll drink to that,” She held her glass up as a cheer.
“Did your dad tell you how he found out about me and Rip?” I cringed.
“No, but I need the full fucking story right now” Beth’s eyes lit up.

I'm not sure how long we’ve been sitting out here; it must be approaching two hours by now. It’s funny how you can find so much in common with someone from the other side of the world. I love it when I find someone who can joke about their trauma the same way I can. I'm just glad I met Beth whilst sober, or I think we’d have had to be rescued from a bar or off the floor every night.

“You hear about Jimmy being in the rodeo tonight?” I asked.
“Rodeo tonight? Where?” Beth replied.
“Shit, I don’t know. I'm not the one from around here,” I laughed.
“Who’s going to this rodeo?” Beth looked rather intrigued right now.

“Well, Rip invited me as his date, so I’d imagine that most of the bunkhouse will be heading over too. I'm not sure about your dad. Maybe Monica and Tate, too?” I suddenly hoped it could be a big, dysfunctional family event.
“As his date? God, you both make me sick,” Beth teased.

“All of us are going, was gonna ask you when I saw you, Beth” John’s voice shocked us both, shooting each other a big-eyed look.
“Daddy, how long have you been listening to us?” Beth asked the older Dutton.
“On and off for a while, believe me, there were some things a father does not want to hear coming out of both of you girls' mouths” John shook his head.

I couldn’t help but let out an audible laugh. It never even occurred to me that someone could have been in the house whilst Beth and I confessed our sins to each other. It’s going to be telling if he can even look at Rip tonight if he did catch any of the things I had been bragging about.

“John, I'm so sorry” I bit my lip to hold my laugh.
“What are you saying sorry for? It’s his fault for listening,” Beth scolded John.
“You don’t come over anymore, Lainey, I need to find out what's going on around here in some way”, John laughed.
“I’ll make sure to come over for dinner before I go. We have some things we have to go over before I start on these thousands of photos,” I assured him.

We all watched as Rip’s truck raced its way over to the bunkhouse, kicking rocks up behind it.

“Looks like someone is looking for you”, John smirked.
“Won’t take him long to find me”, I smiled as I squinted to watch him walk over to the guys.
“I’ve never seen a man so pussy whipped in my whole life” Beth added.
“Beth. Jesus.” John shook his head as I cringed at her words.

It was seconds between Rip getting out of the truck to him getting back in. I held back the smile as I watched him reverse and speed back over towards the main house. There is no real need for him to be driving this fast for such a short distance, but he kept his word about not being too long, I guess.

“Rip, if you keep driving like that, your truck is going to end up like Ryan's”, John scolded Rip as he got out of his truck.
“Sorry, Sir”, he nodded his head at John and shot me a sheepish look.
“You don’t trust me with your girl, huh, Rip?” Beth teased from her seat.

“With all due respect, Sir, no Beth. I absolutely fuckin’ do not” Rip shook his head.
“Right, guys, I'll see you all tonight then?” I laughed at Rip and Beth’s interaction.
“Fuck yeah, need another girl to point out the hot bullriders with” Rip’s head flew in Beth’s direction.
“I'm joking, I'm joking” Beth held her hands out, amused that she got the response she wanted.

“That woman is crazy. How many drinks has she had so far?” Rip laughed to himself.
“Shit, I think the question is how many bottles?” I sighed.
“That bad today?” Rip matched my sigh.
“Seems that way. I wish she would talk to me about it. I've been there. She has my number for whenever she’s ready,” I hope she does.

“Did you have a good catch-up up though, darlin’?” Rip was driving a hell of a lot slower now.
“We did, I fear John has learnt some things about you that you probably didn’t want him to know, though”, I admitted.
“Honey, what do you mean by that?” Rip looked confused.
“He listened in on our conversations. Some of which may have been about our sex life,” I gave him an awkward smile.
“Is there anyone around here that you haven’t discussed my dick with baby?” Rip smirked.

I kicked my boots off and fell on the couch as soon as we were through the door, Rip following behind me. I know I don’t have too long before I need to think about getting ready, but that doesn’t mean I can’t fit in a good cuddle with my man.

“Did whatever you were doing go okay?” I asked from where my head was resting on his lap.
“Went just as good as I needed it to go, darlin’” Rip looked like he was holding back a smile.
“What are you trying not to smile about?” I pried.
“Just thinking about how many speed limits I broke to get back here to ya”, Rip smiled down at me as he played with my hair.

When I opened my eyes again, Rip was staring down at me with a soft, content smile as his hand was still in my hair. Fuck, I guess I fell to sleep. We never did get that early night last night, and it had caught up with me.

“How long was I out for?” I mumbled sleepily.
“Not too long, about half an hour”, Rip replied quietly.
“And you just watched me the whole time?” I teased him.
“Shit, baby you couldn’t count how long I've spent watching you sleep. So damn cute, all peaceful like that” he gently pushed a piece of hair from my face.

When I picked my phone up, I noticed the time, I'm going to have to rush more than I would like to be ready on time. Sure, the night was going to be about watching Jimmy, but I want to take advantage of another opportunity to dress up and not stick out like a sore thumb.

I washed my hair as quickly as I could, feeling hard done by that I was doing it myself instead of Rip doing it for me. The princess treatment is real. I got straight to drying my hair so I could curl it. Today seemed like a curled hair day.

I really should have planned in my head what I was going to wear. From what I've seen, rodeo outfits are something girls out here pride themselves on, and I don’t want to look underdressed compared to them, especially when I'm on Rip’s arms.

I tried on every dress I brought with me, narrowing it down to either my zip-up denim dress or my white flowy knee-high one. I couldn’t quite decide, so I grabbed my black suede waistcoat with the studs and pink embroidery, this I knew I wanted to wear, so it was down to what it looked best with.

The white dress won, now it was just time for jewellery and my good pair of boots, and I'm ready. Rip is waiting downstairs after having a shower and replacing his black shirt with his other black shirt, the same with his blue jeans, swapped to another pair of blue jeans. Such a simple man, I love it.

I made my way down the stairs as I slipped my last ring on my finger, the turquoise one I bought from the boutique on my first supply run. I mentally congratulated myself on my willpower yesterday, whilst another part of me cussed myself out for how good the bolt would have looked.

“Fuck, baby you look fuckin’ amazing” Rip greeted me at the bottom of the stairs.
“Thank you, you look damn good yourself, cowboy” I let myself have a minute to take in the sight of him.
“I don’t know what you make feel like it’s going to explode more, my heart or my dick” Rip gave me a dirty smile.
“Wow, you have such a way with words,” I fully laughed at him.

Chapter Text

Before I knew it, Rip had one arm around my waist, pulling me against him, another under my chin, lifting it so he could kiss me properly. As the kiss got more intense I felt his hand make its way under my dress, resting on my ass so he could squeeze it.

“We have five minutes, darlin’”, Rip broke the kiss.
“Just don’t mess my hair up”, I warned him.

With a nod, my hands were on Rip’s belt, pulling it open to undo the buttons on his jeans as fast as possible. His dick is already leaking through his boxers, I ran my hand across it and with a hiss Rip grabbed me. We had no time to tease, but I couldn’t resist. He roughly bent me over the back of the couch, pulling my dress up and panties down in a second.

“You gonna be good for me, baby?” Rip spoke low as he rubbed the tip of his dick against me.
“I promise,” I need him so bad.
“Good girl”, he praised.

I lost my ability to breathe as he forced himself inside of me. Rip pulled himself out fully to spit on his dick before forcing it back inside of me. We didn’t have time to go slow right now, his pace fast and relentless as I struggled to adjust to his size.

“Breathe for me, baby” Rip’s voice was gentle, contrasting with the pain and pleasure he was making me feel right now.

He held my waist in his hands as leverage to go as fast and hard as he could. The only sounds in the house are the mix of our moans and the sound of our skin connecting with every brutal thrust.

“Fuck, Rip” I managed to get out between moans.
“So good, taking it so fuckin’ good” he lifted one of my legs onto the couch so he could get deeper.

The pleasure is so intense, every thrust hitting my G-spot and my cervix that my arms couldn’t hold me up anymore. The only thing I can focus on is how fucking good he feels inside of me right now. Rip saw my arms buckle and wrapped one hand around the front of my throat to hold me up against him.

“Look at you baby, getting fucked so good you can’t even hold yourself up” he growled in my ear.

“I’ve got you, baby” he gently moved my hair out of the way so he could get access to my throat.

He started with kisses, which quickly moved to dragging his teeth across the sensitive skin, groaning as my head tipped back against his shoulder. I've never felt pleasure like how this man makes me feel.

“Do you want to cum baby?” Rip’s voice is shaky, getting close himself.

I was past the ability to speak as he somehow managed to speed up even more, squeeks and strained moans were the only thing I had right now. I tried to nod my head, but his hand around my throat restricted me.

“Aw, darlin’”, Rip teased me at the state I was in.

The hand leaving bruises on my waist moved around the front of me, trapping me closer against him as his hand found it’s way to my clit. Moving in slow circles as his thrusts got sloppier, about to explode inside of me.

His teeth bit down on the sweet spot on my neck as he put the slightest bit more pressure on my clit, my eyes rolled as I feel apart around him.

“That’s it, squeeze my dick baby, fuck” Rip groaned as he filled me up.

We stayed still for a minute, trying to catch our breath. Once we were slightly more composed, Rip pulled himself out.

“Stay here, darlin’” he left a kiss on my forehead as I heard him run upstairs.

He was back down again just as fast. A washcloth with him as he cleaned up his mess, as gently as he could be. It’s not like I had a choice, as I'm not convinced my legs would be able to carry me upstairs after that.

“That just fucked look on your face makes you look even prettier baby” Rip smirked as I turned my head to look at him.

He stopped for a second to take in the sight of me before lifting me off my feet. I don’t even have it in me to protest at this moment, so I just let it happen. He stopped just before the door, letting me reach up to grab our hats. I placed his on his head and my matching one on mine as he walked us outside.

The smile on Rip’s face as he carried me out to the truck is the purest smile that has ever graced this earth. Nothing makes him happier than taking care of me in any way that he can. Right now, that was me being held as close to him as possible before we have to be apart from each other's skin for a couple of hours.

“Was I too rough, darlin’?” Rip asked as we pulled away.
“Not at all, that is exactly what I needed, cowboy” my smile was slow, still recovering from the beating my pussy just got.
“You’d tell me right, baby? If I was too rough? I never want to hurt you” He looked too shy to properly look at me.
“Without question. I swear to you I would tell you, I've never felt so comfortable with anyone before, generally and sexually,” I reassured him.

“Your turn to be honest, do I look like you just fucked the life out of me?” I looked at myself in the sun visor mirror.
“Fuck yeah you do baby” Rip grinned, proud of himself.

I did my best to try and fix myself before Ryan, Colby, and Walker got in the backseat. Jimmy and Lloyd had decided to make their own way there, something about giving Jimmy as many tips as possible and keeping him calm. It was a good call, there's no way one of these idiots wouldn’t put something stupid in his head.

“Good fucking evening, you ready for some rodeo Lanes?” Ryan shook my shoulder excitedly.
“This is your first time seeing one?” Walker added.
“Sure is, just hope Jimmy pulls it off”, I looked back to keep the conversation going.

“Jheeze, you two really can’t keep your hands off each other, can you?” Colby stared at me with a weird look.
“What do you mean by that?” I was confused, I made sure my hair and everything were perfectly in place before they got in.
“Lainey, you look like you’ve been attacked by a fuckin’ vampire or some crazy shit” Walker pointed out.

I took my phone out to have a look. The sun visor mirror is small, and I couldn’t quite see all of my face. I lifted my sunglasses to run my hand across my face as I realised what all of their eyes had been drawn to. I now clearly remember Rip biting my neck. I had failed to notice the fucking hickey had left, with his teeth marks around it. A hickey? I don’t think I've had one of them since I was like fourteen years old.

I looked up at Rip and slowly shook my head at him. He knew what he was doing, especially before we went somewhere so public. I hate that I can’t even be too mad at him. I also enjoy having visible marks from him, but this was the most noticeable one yet, and I hadn’t brought anything with me to hide it.

I slapped his arm as he threw it around my headrest so he could see out of the back window to reverse. He didn’t even attempt to hide the laugh that came out of him as I tried to keep the same pissed off expression. That damn smirk when he has that stupid toothpick in his mouth.

“Suits ya, baby”, he raised an eyebrow at me.
“We’re going to talk about this when we get home”, I warned him, knowing I'm just going to let him do the same thing again when we get home.
“Oooo, you’re in trouble”, Ryan joked at Rip, awkwardly sliding back into his seat when Rip gave him his signature scowl.

The rest of the drive was nice, there was a buzz in the car about Jimmy. All of us want him to win, they just wouldn’t be the wranglers if they hadn’t tried to wind Jimmy up. They were talking about all sorts of bronc riding stuff that went completely over my head. You can’t get a cowboy to shut up most of the time, but get them talking about Rodeo and they’ll use all the oxygen in the truck.

Rip stayed quiet on the drive, just giving nods and hums in response when the guys would involve him in the conversation. His main focus seemed to be the way his hand stayed gently stroking my thigh, in a comforting way. Every couple of seconds, he would glance my way before looking back at the road. He seemed to be this way when he was around other people, with me, we talk and talk, but around most, he stayed reserved.

The car park looked full, a lot more than I expected to see. In my head, it was just a small town one that wouldn’t be too busy, but it looks like I was wrong about that. Instead of following the way the other cars that were waiting went, Rip drove straight up to the front. There were two truck spaces reserved next to John’s truck, and we pulled straight into the empty one, go figure.

“Before anyone gets out of this truck, these are the rules, and you’re gonna fuckin’ follow them” Rip spoke to them in the back without looking at them.
“Rules? For the rodeo, damn” Ryan sighed.
“Yes, rules because none of you dipshits can go a night without some trouble” Rip scolded.
“Ain’t that the damn truth” Walker looked out of the window.

“You can only have three beers whilst you’re here, can have as many as you want back at the ranch, but here it’s three. There will be no fuckin’ fighting, it’s just going to be a calm night. No girls are coming back with you, none. If you want to stay out then go ahead, but if your asses ain’t back for 6 AM you can find another job. We’re here for Jimmy, remember that” Rip spoke like they’ve all had this conversation hundreds of times before.

“Yes, sir”, all three of them spoke in sync.
“All the Duttons are here tonight, just don’t fuckin’ show us up”, Rip sounded like a kindergarten teacher.
“You sound like you spend your days wrangling toddlers”, I laughed as they all waited to be allowed out of the truck.
“Shit, baby it feels like it. Only toddlers I’d wrangle are ours, though,” Rip smirked.

It’s a damn good job I have an IUD or I really could have found a reason to stay.

Once Rip hopped out, so did the guys. As I went to open the door, Walker grabbed the handle from outside to let me out, beating Rip to it by seconds. If looks could kill, Walker’s wages this week would be going towards his coffin. I mouthed a thank you to him as he walked off ahead with Ryan and Colby.

“I should have got rid of that bastard a long fuckin’ time ago”, Rip whispered as he intertwined his fingers with mine.
“Stop being a grump, we’re gonna have a good time” I smiled at him as we made our way in.
“Always gonna have a good time when I have my pretty girl on my arm," he spoke in his normal tone, not caring about who heard him.

We stopped to get some drinks before heading into the stands, which I have learnt Americans call ‘bleachers’, what a weird name. Rip ordered for us, not even having to ask if I wanted a Coke, of course I do. He got a suspicious look from the guy behind the bar when he ordered a 0% beer for himself.

I couldn’t ignore the fact that a couple of people had turned to look at us as we headed over to the group. I really couldn’t ignore that it was mainly women. I guess the attraction to Rip is felt all across this state, and people don’t know how to take seeing him all over some random girl. If Rip noticed it, he didn’t mention it as he led the way with my hand covered in his. Oh well, I win and they lose and my legs still feel slightly unstable from the fucking he gave me before we left.

“There you fucking are” Beth exclaimed, she could pass for sober, but she must be a full bottle in by now.
“I thought you might have found someone else to go home with by now”, I smirked at her as Rip and I sat.
“Doesn’t she look fucking hot Rip?” Beth looked over my outfit, “Actually, I don’t need to ask you that, can see you agreed by that on her neck”
“Shit, is it still that visible” I groaned as her and Rip laughed.

“Rip, is that a zero alcohol beer?” John asked.
“Yes, sir, Lainey doesn’t drink, so I don’t”, Rip confirmed.
“You’re a changed man”, John looked genuinely shocked.
“Can’t even remember my last one”, Rip smiled, proud of himself.
“Lainey, you don’t have a brother for Beth, do you?” John joked.

With one tilt of her head, Beth was off. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that it was only to go back to the bar, though. She’ll be back in a few minutes. It is impressive how well she functions. I never quite got as good as her.

Rip had one arm wrapped around my shoulder, keeping me as close to him as possible. I've never been a fan of PDA, but with Rip, I want to be touching him at all times, so I have no complaints over him feeling the same. My only wish would be that it was darker outside so I could slip my hand into his shirt to feel the heat on his skin, my ultimate comfort blanket.

As predicted, Beth was back with a new drink in record time. I guess that she had no intention of standing in line and walked straight to the front. My English blood went cold at the thought of not respecting a queue.

Just as we went to speak, the speaker system came alive, letting us know the events were about to start. A minute after, a girl rode into the arena with an American flag, and the speakers came on again. Everyone stood, and I suddenly felt like an outcast, trying to look at Rip to figure out what was going on. At the same time, everyone took their cowboy hats off and held their hand over their hearts as the national anthem rang out around us.

I copied everyone a few seconds behind as I looked around. There is not one single person not doing the same thing. I don’t know anyone who takes the English national anthem this seriously, even the sports players only half mumble the words. It just confirms to me that I would easily fall into a cult, because why am I just doing what they all are? I'm not even American.

“That was fucking weird” I whispered to Beth as she took a sip of her drink.
“The European mind cannot comprehend the ultimate Americanisms. Half of them here don’t even know that any other countries exist besides the states,” she laughed.
“I haven’t felt out of place once until that moment right there” I couldn’t hide the amusement on my face.

“I'm gonna head down to Lloyd, get going on some of these pictures”, you could hear the excitement in my voice.
“Let me walk you down, baby?” Rip didn’t miss a beat.
“I'm not gonna say no to that”, I smiled at him.

Rip led me down the stairs hand in hand. The crowd was big now, all waiting for the events to start. That meant every person here got to see Rip being his overprotective self, matched with his usual stern expression, until he caught sight of me watching him, then I got his smirk. I'm going to take that as another win for me.

It didn’t take us too long to spot Lloyd, his hand on Jimmy’s shoulder as he sat waiting for his turn, which would come after the barrel racing. He looked nervous as hell, and I don’t blame him at all. It was nerve-wracking for him riding in front of the three of us, but to do it properly for the first time in front of a crowd this big would have had me throwing up in the corner.

“You’re one lucky man, Rip” Lloyd smacked him on the shoulder.
“Don’t I fuckin’ know it” I shook my head at them both as they looked at me.
“Okay, both of you can stop that. Where can I go, Lloyd?” I beamed with excitement.
“I’ll take you there now, sweetheart, Rip, you gotta go back up there” Lloyd knows him well enough to know that he was just going to try and hang around.

“Gimme a kiss, baby, you’re gonna kill it. I love you” Rip rested his hand on my waist to pull me into him.
“You know I'm not competing, right? Just taking photos,” his words of encouragement humoured me.
“Shit, anything you do impresses me darlin’” he mumbled as I leant up to kiss him.
“I love you, have fun with the guys for a bit”, I guided him away.

I followed Lloyd's lead and ended up at an angle that hid me from the crowd and competitors, with a couple of the rodeo photographers. Usually in situations like this, I've found other photographers to be unfriendly and protective of their turf, but they were all surprisingly nice. We chatted for a bit about gear and what I was out here doing, sharing Instagrams, the usual stuff.

After giving me a few tips, we were ready for the first entrance. It was seeing the girls racing that I'm excited about. I need some more photos of badass girls in this project, and these will fill those pages for me.

Wow. That is my takeaway thought after watching the barrel racers compete. I have a rush just from watching them, I have no idea how they don’t just spend their lives buzzing around. I know from hearing the guys talk that there is a stereotype about barrel racers being crazy, and I get it. If I were them, getting my kicks from that, I would be crazy too. Power to the girls, they’re way cooler than I could ever be.

I knew I had managed to get the photos I wanted in that first round, so I may as well enjoy the rest of the night with everyone else. I'm only going to have this night once, and spending it with my man sounds more appealing, something I've never thought of before being here.

I snuck out from the photo area slowly, so I could get a look at what Rip was doing. He has his sunglasses on, but from the way he’s standing and moving, I know he’s scanning the crowd, trying to spot me. It was confirmed as soon as I saw his body relax when he looked in my direction, the sides of his lips turning up as I threw him a wave.

“Wow, they were all so good, hey?” I spoke to the group as I got back to the bench.
“He didn’t watch a damn thing” John laughed.
“I told you to enjoy yourself”, I hit Rip’s arm lightly.
“I will now”, his arm was back around me.

Next up was Jimmy’s group, and you could feel the tension surrounding us all; this had as much chance of going wrong as it did going good. At first, I was grateful for the twenty-minute interval, but the longer it goes on, the more antsy I feel.

At some point after sitting down, I ended up with Tate next to me. He looked so cute in his cowboy outfit, complete with a buckle, boots and hat. He went from next to me to being sat on my knee to look through the photos I got. It was a nice distraction from Jimmy possibly ending up in the hospital.

Tate had asked me maybe twenty different questions about taking photos so far, and I made a mental note to get him a camera delivered for Christmas; he’ll just have to drive Monica and Kayce crazy about how to use it.

“Rip, look at this one!” Tate demanded excitedly.
“She’s so good, isn’t she, buddy?” Rip did his best to match Tate’s happiness.
“Do you think I could be as good as Lainey?” Kids' questions never fail to amuse me.
“I think that’d be real hard, Tate”, Rip replied fully serious.

I turned my head to give Rip an elbow to the arm for not saying yes to the kid. I stopped when I saw the way he was looking down at us, with his sunglasses hanging off his shirt. I could see the yearning in his eyes. Transfixed on watching me interacting with Tate. I don’t need to ask what he’s thinking about, I know his mind is imagining it was our boy sitting with me.

Monica shouted Tate back over to sit with them, now it was getting close to the start of the bronc riding. Ryan and Colby just made it back from the bar, a suspicious number of beers in their hands that they insisted were to share across everyone, overexplaining as soon as Rip looked at them. In another life, I need a beer to watch it too, so I just grabbed Rip’s hand to distract him away from them, most probably breaking Rip’s rules.

As the speaker system announced the start of the next event, I kicked myself for not going for a smoke before it started to try and rest my nerves. Once this was over, whether Jimmy is successful or not, I'm dragging Beth down to have one with me.

The first guy only managed two seconds, felt like I could have blinked and missed it. These horses are trained for this, Jimmy just got put on our meanest. Lloyd should have tried to get him in somewhere to have a real practice before he comes out of the gates here.

The second guy did better, hitting six seconds before hitting the floor. He rode in style, so now Jimmy does have some competition. I'm choosing to ignore that there are three people to go after him, too; he just needs to beat that guy's score in my mind. Don’t want to think about having to wait around for the winner to be announced.

We could see Lloyd hanging over the gate, giving as much last-minute encouragement to Jimmy as one can before an event like this. We all cheered when his name was announced, I hope it gives him a confidence boost to know we’re all rooting for him.

With one nod of the head, the gates flew open. This horse was not taking it easy on him, but Jimmy’s hand stayed in the air as he got bucked higher than any of the times he had ever been bucked in the arena at the ranch.

Rip was standing behind me, both arms slung around my shoulders. I could feel how tense he is, heavy breathing, waiting to see if he’ll need to find a new wrangler tomorrow. The rest of the crowd was cheering, moving about where they stood. The two benches of us with the Yellowstone stood completely still, it felt like if we moved we might fuck it all up for him.

The buzzer sounded. Eight seconds.

He did it.

The crowd roared as we all shared open-mouthed, shocked looks.

Ryan started shouting, and the rest of us followed, the shock turning into amazement and so much happiness. He needed this, there’s no way anyone is going to beat his score now. He was made for this, surprisingly, but he was. Guess that’s why he struggles to sit on his horse; he needs one trying to buck him off.

“I knew taping him to that saddle would make him a cowboy”, Ryan laughed.
“Kids more badass than all of us now”, Walker added.
“He’s still going to cry when we play cards” Colby had to get one in there.

We watched the other three, but I guess you could say we were secretly praying for their downfall. I didn’t want them to get hurt, just not stay on past six would be the ideal, so Jimmy can bring home that cash.

Someone was listening to our prayers. Not only did none of them break six seconds, but they struggled to make four. We all knew who the winner was, but no one wanted to say anything until it was officially announced. Then it was.

“Beth, come smoke with me”, I nudged her.
“Don’t have to ask me twice. It’s too happy up here for me,” The most Beth response.
“Wait”, Rip stopped our attempt at a quick escape.

“What’s up?” I was feeling impatient now, I needed nicotine.
“Take my jacket? It’s getting cold,” Rip spotted the goosebumps on my arms.
“It’s okay, we’ll only be a minute. Thank you, though, cowboy” My response disappointed him.

“Did I hear smoke? Anyone in the sharing mood?” Ryan gave us a big smile.
“Sure, if you can come right this second”, I pointed my head to the stairs.
“Fuck yeah” Ryan followed us out.

We quickly made our way down behind the bleachers, which made me feel a bit like when we would have to sneak a cigarette at school, which made me feel nostalgic. I handed Ryan one and sparked mine before handing him the lighter. That first drag felt incredible, I didn’t realise how tense I’d been until I relaxed.

Beth looked to be feeling the same way, the three of us yapping about the evening almost made me feel like I was back in England. Beth's head swung around to look behind me, just as I felt someone tap me on the shoulder.

“You”, they spoke.
“Me?” The confusion was all over my face as I swung around.
“You fucking slut”

I have no idea who this girl even is, but she’s picking a fight with the wrong person. I looked her up and down, looking for some kind of answer. She looked older than me, just over thirty at a guess, but she’s blonde, skinny and pretty. She has her hand held around a full cup of something, holding it in a way that warned me.

“I don’t know who the fuck you think you’re talking to, but i’d reconsider throwing that drink over me if you want to keep your head on your fucking shoulders” You can take the girl out of the north, but not the north out of the girl.

“Who do you think you are? Walking on in here with that accent of yours,” she grinned to her friends behind her like it was the most creative insult in the world.
“Girl, you sound like you’ve swallowed a bee you can’t comment on how I talk” I was now more amused than pissed.
“You don’t even know what you’ve done, do you?” she hissed at me.
“Absolutely no fucking idea, please fill me in” I couldn’t hide the amusement.

“You stole my fucking man you slut” she was seething now.
“Are you just going to keep being vague, or are you going to actually tell me what you’re trying to say?” I was intrigued now.
“Rip, you fucking bitch. Or are you just sleeping with half the town?” Her friends were nodding their heads, hyping her up.

I'm not sure if she’s ever had a run-in with Beth, but I imagine she’s about to in the next few minutes. I can deal with this on my own, but I can’t ignore the feeling of my heart sinking slightly. Did I ever ask Rip if he was seeing someone? I think I did. Fuck, I can’t remember.

I turned to look at Beth to ground me for a second, hoping her face would tell me if this girl was around before I got here. I distinctly remember Lloyd telling me Rip didn’t bother too much with girls, but I imagine he wasn’t immune to bootycalls. He has every girl throwing themselves at him, there's no way he didn’t.

“How did I steal Rip from you? Explain,” I'm bored with her inability to say more than five words at a time.
“We were just about to make it official before you turned up. I was the one he complained to about you even coming here, then he stopped returning my calls” The girl is angry, but there seems to be a sadness in her voice too.

“I'm sorry, but I have no idea who you are, and not one person ever mentioned Rip seeing someone before I got here. I understand if you feel hurt, but I'm not the problem here”, I thought my reply was nice, but her scoff tells me otherwise.
“You’re not the problem? Sat there with your hands all fucking over him?” she took a step closer to me.

“Take one more step and I'll happily spend the night behind bars”, Beth interrupted.
“I don’t want you behind bars, I want her behind bars. Won’t be able to see Rip if you have your visa taken away, will you?” the girl laughed.

She’s fucking crazy if she thinks that’s about to happen. I looked around for Ryan, hoping he would know the group of girls and be able to persuade them to leave with no issues, but he was nowhere to be seen.

“Were you born with a brain? I'm not even going to be here after next week, you can queue up for him after that. Maybe have a conversation with him about how you feel?” I'm done with the conversation
“See you don’t even fucking know him. A conversation with Rip? Rip doesn’t have feelings,” this poor girl.
“If Rip doesn’t have feelings then how in the fuck did you know he was just about to make it official?” I laughed at the ridiculousness.

“I just knew”, she smiled like she was a genius.
“Well you didn’t know very fucking well then did you? Just like you didn’t know Rip very well?” My mocking her seemed to be the final straw, but it was too easy.

“Beth, can you record this? So when she throws the first punch, I don’t need to have any concerns” I grinned at the Dutton, who was just waiting for me to need her.
“You’re going to regret that you dumb bitch” she looked at her friends for approval.
“And just to put it out there, I am not fighting you over Rip. I would never fight over a man, and you definitely shouldn’t at your age. I'm happy to do this to try and knock some sense into you” Her little group of friends all stood with their mouths hanging open.

“What the fuck is going on here?” Rip suddenly appeared with Ryan by his side.
“This girl was just telling me how you guys were about to make it official before I got here? Then she wants me to fight her so I can have my visa taken off me?” I was straight to the point.

I'm not particularly pissed off with Rip, I'm more annoyed he didn’t warn me that something like this might happen at some point. The girl's entire demeanour changed as soon as Rip appeared, eyes about bulging out of her head with hearts in them. Shit, I'm sure I look at him like that myself so I can’t even mock her for it. Rip’s demeanour and expression, however, seemed more confused than I have ever seen him.

“Official with fucking what?” Rip spat out his toothpick.
“Us, me and you, babe," she purred at him.
“Me and you? Official? Carrie the only thing we could be official about is you sucking my dick once near a fucking year ago and you trying to call me damn near every night after?” Rip spat the words out.

One look between me and Beth had both of us bursting at the seams with laughter. Is this serious? There is absolutely no way she got all of this confidence from one blowjob, but from the colour of red on her face there is no doubting Rip’s truth here. Carrie’s friends didn’t know what to do with themselves, having clearly been fed a bunch of lies.

“You tried to fight Lainey over that? Is this a fucking joke?” I could see Rip’s blood boiling, “Don’t you ever fuckin’ even look in her direction again”
“Come on, I think that's been enough embarrassment for one person today” I grabbed Rip’s arm to lead him away, Beth and Ryan following us.

“Baby, I'm so sorry. I don’t know what got in here damn head to even do that” Rip still looked just as confused.
“Tell me now, is what you said the complete truth? She said something interesting about you complaining to her about me before I got here?” I needed to ask now before it ate at me.
“What? No, darlin’, I promise you that ain’t the truth. Met her at a bar once when we all went out, that was it. I don’t know where she could have even fuckin’ got that from” Rip looked hurt.

“I know”, Beth said angrily.
“Please fuckin’ tell me” Rip couldn’t take his eyes off me, fear in his.
“Jamie. He had been hooking up with someone in town, she matches the description,” Beth explained.
“That fucking rat. He’s made that happen in the hopes I’d leave now, right?” I put the pieces together.
“Probably hoped you’d scrap the whole thing” Beth lit us both another cigarette.

“Could you give us a minute?” Rip asked both of them.
“Go celebrate with Jimmy, we’ll meet you over there” I gave them both a smile that said I'm okay.

“You believe me, don’t you, baby? I can’t fuckin’ apologise enough,” Rip cradled my head in his hands.
“I believe you, cowboy” I pressed a kiss to his lips, feeling him melt under my touch.
“Ryan came over and got me, I should have gone with you,” his words letting me know how much he’s kicking himself.

“Don’t even worry about it, just maybe don’t let anyone crazy or easily bribed touch your dick again” I laughed.
“Darlin’, no one other than you is going to do that” There was humour, but an overwhelming amount of truth lined in his words.

“Come on, let’s go join in with the celebrations. I wanna see that buckle,” I urged Rip.
“You better not be becoming a buckle bunny baby”, Rip faked shock.
“Will you please tell me what a buckle bunny is?!” Rip threw his head back with a hearty laugh.

He slipped his jacket off and rested it on my shoulders, his arm lying over the top of it.

What a night.

Chapter Text

It’s fair to say every single person on the ranch celebrated Jimmy last night, the buzz in the air followed us from the rodeo back to the ranch, and I imagine it continued to the bunkhouse well into the night.

Colby, Ryan and Walker hadn’t thought out the fact that their beer consumption would become rather clear to Rip when we had to get back in the truck to go home. For three guys who are relatively heavy drinkers whenever they get the chance, their words were starting to slur with every sentence they tried to say.

I'm so glad it was just assumed that I would ride shotgun again on the way back. I love those three idiots, but I would not have liked to be sitting in the middle of two of them. Rip and I just kept to ourselves, swapping smiles between us when one of them said something particularly stupid that they would definitely not remember in the morning.

Rip’s hand stayed anywhere between my knee and upper thigh the full drive. That’s how it always is, but it felt like Rip could sense that tiny bit of apprehension in me about being stuck in a truck with drunk men. It was only a small bit of me that felt that way, a bit of trauma that will never fully leave me. I could see on his face that he was checking in on me when he thought I wasn’t looking, but the feeling of those eyes on me will never fade.

After some pretty sloppy renditions of various George Strait and Alan Jackson songs, the ranch had finally come into view. I was in two minds about going to the bunkhouse with all of them; no doubt it would have been one of the funniest nights out here, but I decided it was best to leave that to the boys.

I tried to persuade Rip to go with them at least just for an hour or something, but he was having none of it. I think theres a part of him that doesn’t quite believe I'm not in some way pissed off at him about that blonde girl, but there isn’t one part of me that is.

The guys tried their hardest in their inebriated states to get both of us to join them, but it confirmed bed was the best place for me when they spotted Jimmy getting out of Lloyd’s truck. Before his feet hit the floor, they had him up in the air, chanting about him being the best bronc rider in the world.

Lloyd stood back and laughed as he watched on, the proud smile on his face made me want to hug him. This place is Lloyd’s home, and those idiots are like a mix of his sons and brothers, so any achievement is a big one in his eyes.

Rip called him over to let him know that they could all have a half day tomorrow, if they did manage to wake up, they were going to be useless for the first few hours anyway. Lloyd thanked him when Rip assured him that he would be the one to wake up and feed the horses. With a nod of the head and a shout of goodnight from me, we were off home.

“Why are you awake, baby?” Rip asked as he walked into the bedroom.
“You weren’t in the bed. Any sign of life out there?” I joked as he started undressing.
“Not fuckin’ one. They’re gonna be regretting it when they finally wake up,” Rip laughed, slipping back under the covers.
“You don’t wish you had gone with them?” I felt guilty that I took him away from the celebrations.
“Why would I ever wish that, darlin’? Ain’t got no intention of missing a fuckin’ minute of time with you,” Rip smiled down at me, a hint of sadness in it.

“Go back to sleep, baby," he urged me softly, pulling me over to rest on his chest.

I'm never going to be someone who argues with those words, especially with the warmth of Rip’s skin feeling like the world's biggest comfort blanket.

I tried to roll over to get the sun beaming through the curtains out of my eyes, but I was stuck against Rip. If I move, I'll wake him up, and by the heaviness of his breathing, he’s knocked out right now.

I let myself fall into the rhythm of Rip’s heart beneath my head, the heart that holds mine inside of it. This might be our last ever lie-in together, maybe even the last time I get to feel him asleep around me. I'm not sure why my brain always goes to focusing on the negatives, but if I had to guess, it’s a way to protect me. Always being aware of the worst means I can’t be surprised when it happens.

I think back to the first time I laid my eyes on Rip Wheeler, that grumpy-looking man who I immediately knew I was ridiculously attracted to. Now I think about it, it could have been love at first sight. We were just both too hurt and cold faced that we got off on the wrong foot, refusing to let ourselves have something nice.

The wrong foot literally, when I think about how disgusted he looked at my Crocs, but in fairness to him, he does look at them like that every time he sees them. I should try and find a pair for him before I leave. I need Ryan to take me into town for a few last things, but it’s going to be hard to get Rip to agree to that.

I feel so at peace in Rip’s presence, right here in this bed is the most relaxed I've ever been able to be in my whole life. He has me, nothing will happen to me, no one is outside the door waiting to cause an argument with me as soon as I leave the room. It’s just us.

“Hey there, pretty girl”, Rip’s grumbling, sleepy voice broke the silence.
“Hey there, cowboy”, I lifted my head to look at his beautiful, sleepy face.
“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” He knows me too damn well.

“I was thinking about the first time I saw you”, I grinned up at him.
“And I shook your fuckin’ hand?” Rip laughed at himself.
“You did, you wanna know what I was thinking?” I know he’s going to love this.

“Please tell me, darlin’,” He looked instantly intrigued.
“I was thinking about how good your hands would look around my throat” I poked my tongue out at him.

“You were my dirty fuckin’ girl all along, weren’t you, baby?” He smirked, “Now tell me what else you were thinking?”
“I thought you were possibly the most handsome man I had ever seen in my fucking life and I was sure I felt a literal shock when your hand touched mine” I admitted.

“Shit, baby I felt that too. I thought I was going crazy, one look at you and all my thoughts on life changed, and then that confirmed it” Our eyes are transfixed on each other.
“Is that why you were so grumpy with me at first? You were scared?” I wanted all the answers now.

“I think so, baby. I didn’t know how to act around you. I didn’t want to be some creepy guy, so I figured I’d do the opposite, and if those feelings were real, maybe you’d come to me, and you did” His smirk turned into a full-on grin.
“I really did didn’t, I? I came to you in the form of a drunk mess, and you made it all better. You always make it all better,” I exhaled deeply.

“Baby, how can I make everything better for you when you’re not here with me?” He moved us so we were facing each other, no hiding from his question now.
“I wish I had the answer to that, cowboy” I reached my hand out to stroke his cheek.
“When you find it, you tell me. There’s not a thing in this world I wouldn’t do for you, darlin’” I hid my head under his chin, if I look in those blue eyes any longer, I'll be left in tears.

The air is thick with emotion, both of us holding back so many things we want to say. Time is running out, and the conversation is going to be devastating; that’s why I can’t let it happen just yet. I can’t face the reality when we could still have some time to pretend like everything's okay.

My phone ringing pulled us both out of our embrace, content in each other’s arms.

“Hi mum”, I put on my fakest happy voice.
“Lainey, when are you planning on coming home again?” She was straight to the point.
“I get back to Manchester on Tuesday, so probably on Friday for the weekend?” I already knew what was coming.
“Ah, yeah, that won’t work for me. Ste is home from work early, so you can’t stay here” Her words came out so easily, I tried my best not to look hurt in front of Rip.

“I thought he wasn’t due back for two weeks? I've been away for two months, mum, was only going to stay until Sunday” I suddenly felt like a small child begging for attention.
“Well, things change. You have a choice, come and stay here or come another time” Her words broke a part of my soul, even though we’ve been in this situation a hundred times over.

“Yeah, he conveniently has to come home the weekend he knew I would be? Tale as old as time. It’s fine, don’t even worry about it, I'll just wait for what, another three weeks now?” My jaw is clenched so hard I could break a tooth.
“Always so dramatic, aren’t you? Anyway, James said he’d pick you up from the airport”

The mention of his name took all the air from my lungs. I tried to find a response, but a pained sound just fell out of my mouth instead. I turned to look at Rip, needing some form of reassurance that I didn’t just imagine that. His eyes were searching my face for some insight into what he should do right now. The last time he heard that name, he saw me at my worst.

“Lainey? Are you still there?” my mum sounded impatient.
“James? Why have you spoken to him, mum?” I could feel the bile in the back of my throat.
“He rang to ask how you were, said you were still ignoring his calls. I told him when you’ll be back, he misses you” The tone of her voice told me in her eyes I'm the bad guy today.

“Mum, he beat the shit out of me multiple tims. You were the one who found me unconscious on the floor after trying to deal with the scars he left me with. Tell me again why the fuck you would feel sorry for him?” I could see Rip’s fists clenching, the colour of his skin getting redder.
“He says he’s changed. He’s even been to therapy, you should listen to what he has to say,” she spoke happily.

“I will never speak another word to that man as long as I fucking live, and you will never speak his name to me again. I'll let you know when I'm back in the country” Any more of this conversation might send me over the edge.
“Okay, love you”, she ended the call like nothing had happened.

Now it was just me and Rip. I don’t know what to say, this might have been the final straw to him already being worried about me going back. We’re both sitting straight up against the headboard, heavy breathing.

“I'm sorry”, I broke the silence, looking straight ahead at the wall.
“Baby, why the fuck are you saying sorry? You have nothing to be sorry about” His voice came out strangled, too much emotion running through him.
“I wouldn’t have answered if I thought it was going to be like that. I'm sorry,” my voice is quiet.

Rip moved suddenly, slipping both arms under my knees, lifting me. It was only for a second, and then I was between his legs, my back resting against his chest. I felt his head rest on top of mine as he wrapped both arms around my waist, eliminating any chance of even a millimetre of space between us.

“They don’t deserve you, baby. You deserve to be surrounded by love every damn day” Rip whispered.
“It’s okay, I'm used to it, cowboy. You’ve given me enough love here to last a lifetime,” I felt a tear roll down my cheek.
“I could give you a lifetime darlin’”, Rip’s voice shook as he spoke.

I clung on to Rip’s arms with everything in me, I need to be able to remember the feeling of being so close to him. I've never been so glad not to be looking at someone's face as I am right now. I can feel his pain, seeing it on his face will be the end of me.

“Tell me about your mother?” My words fell out without truly thinking, I just needed a change of conversation.
“She was beautiful”, I felt him take a deep breath, “always happy despite what was going on. She would sing to me and my baby brother all the time. I can still hear her in my head every day.”

“Sounds like she loved her babies a whole lot”, I gently stroked his arm.
“She used to sing You Are My Sunshine the most. Sometimes when I look at you, it’s all I can hear, darlin’. She would have loved the hell out of you,” Rip laughed sadly.
“I hope she knows she raised a beautiful man” Rip squeezed me tighter, a silent acknowledgement.

“I could have saved her and I was too fucking scared. It was too late by the time I was brave enough,” his voice was barely a whisper.
“She would have never expected that from you. She lives on in you every single day. I'm so sorry that happened to you” I unwrapped one of his hands, wrapping mine around his.

“Wish we had more time, baby, I’d like to take you to see her. I spent $22,000 on her headstone, which would be the biggest there, but my brother's stands just a bit taller than hers” Now I was fighting tears.
“I would have loved to see that”, I tried to hide the sadness in my voice.

“I couldn’t save her, and I'm fuckin’ scared that I'm not going to be able to save you baby” I felt another tear on my face, this time I knew it wasn’t mine.
“Rip Wheeler, you have saved me in ways I didn’t know I could be. Please don’t worry about that, there aren’t bears to jump out in front of me at home” The saddest laugh I've ever heard echoed through the room.

A knock at the door pulled us out of our thoughts, yet neither of us made any attempt at moving. It’s like both of our brains have agreed that being under the covers makes us invisible to the world outside the door.

We both sighed in sync when the knocking started again. The truck is parked out front, and Rip doesn’t leave the ranch without letting someone know, so whoever it is knows we’re in here. Rip gave me one more squeeze before letting go.

I may be sad right now, but that doesn’t mean I'm not going to check him out as he throws his clothes on. Those arms drive me crazy, I feel hypnotised by them as I watch the way they flex with every movement. I felt a pout come to my mouth when his shirt covered them, one that he noticed by the way his lips turned up at the sides.

“I’d tell you to wait here, but you ain’t gonna listen to me, are you?” he tilted his head at me.
“I don’t think we need to worry about that, by the time you get down there, they could be halfway across the state” He was making no attempt to get downstairs fast.
“That’s my hope, darlin’” Rip stood still, waiting to see if they would knock again.

With a frustrated sigh, Rip finally left the bedroom as a slightly more impatient-sounding knock echoed through the house. He moved quietly down the stairs as I threw on one of his black long-sleeve tees and some of my shorts.

I heard Kayce’s voice from the door as Rip opened it. That’s strange, they do seem to be getting on better these days, but him being at the house must be weird for both of them. At least Rip’s voice isn’t raised; his tone has made it clear he’s annoyed to be interrupted, but that’s good behaviour from him.

I snuck out of the room to hide on top of the stairs, I don’t know why I'm bothering to do it because Rip is going to tell me what was said anyway if I ask him. Rip has stepped out onto the porch, the door almost closed behind him. Never one to invite people in, but it means I don’t get to be nosey in the way I want. Fuck it.

“Hey Kayce!” I shout as I get to the bottom of the stairs.
“Hey Lainey, you good?” He looked around Rip to smile at me.
“All good, are you?” I could feel Rip’s eyes looking up and down my bare legs.
“Been worse, just came to ask Rip if he’ll help out with wrangling some almost wild horses," he explained.

“Oh shit, that sounds exciting. Can I come?” I grinned between them both.
“Sure”, Kayce said.
“No”, Rip said at the same time.
“I ain’t getting involved in this, leaving at the bunkhouse at 1:30” Kayce held back a laugh as he turned to walk away.

“Soooooo?” I gave Rip my best innocent smile as I sat on the couch.
“Absolutely not, baby,” Rip shook his head as he sat next to me.
“Why?” I huffed.
“It’s fuckin’ dangerous, baby, ain’t putting you in the middle of that” his mind seemed set.

“I don’t want to be in the middle of it, I want to be on the sidelines to take pictures” I get the feeling only one thing is going to help me with persuasion here.
“Even that's dangerous, darlin’, can’t predict how these horses are going to be. Have seen this go bad for the most experienced riders,” he sighed.

“I'm pretty good at riding” I swung my leg over, so I'm straddling him.
“Fuck yeah you are baby” I caught his hands as they reached out to touch me.
“You don’t get to touch if I don’t get to come, I'll even stay by the truck, don’t even have to go on a horse” I used both hands to hold his wrists.
“You using your body to try and manipulate me, baby?” Rip laughed.

“Yep, only seems fair,” I pouted at him.
“Hmmm”, his eyes travelled up and down me, “well, it fuckin’ worked, you can come” he yanked his hands out of my grip, swapping to trap my wrists in one of his hands.
“You’re such a fucking man” I laughed at how easy it was to change his mind.
“I'm your man, baby”, he whispered in my ear.

Rip kept my hands trapped between us, completely at his mercy. He stared into my eyes for a second before moving to place kisses on the sweet spot on my neck, the one he knows makes me weak for him. I bit my lip to try and hide a moan as he licked up my neck to just below my ear.

“Don’t hide those pretty little noises”, Rip pulled my lip from between my teeth with his thumb.
“There we go, darlin’, I want to hear how quick you lose control,” He teased.

He bucked his hips just slightly, and he got exactly what he wanted, one of those noises he loves to hear fell straight from my mouth. I felt his smile against my neck, focusing on that place he loves to leave a mark.

“You look fuckin’ amazing in my shirt, baby, but I need you to take it off," he demanded, letting go of my wrists.

I pulled it over my head, throwing it across the room. It left me in just my booty shorts, grinding against Rip in full view of the front window. If anyone came past the house right now, there’s no hiding what’s going on.

“Rip, maybe we should go upstairs?” I suddenly felt shy, turning my head to check that no one was there.
“You worried about someone seeing you taking my dick baby?” Rip said with a smirk.
“A little bit”, I admitted.
“Let them watch, let them see how good you are for me” he gripped my thighs so I couldn’t escape.

The extra pressure of his dick against me made me arch my back, pushing my boobs closer to Rip’s face. He grabbed them both, squeezing them as his thumbs gently toyed with my nipples. My hips started moving involuntarily with a flick of his tongue. Anyone who walks past now will really get a show.

“Take those shorts off, baby”, Rip growled.
I stood quickly to rid myself of them as he got to work on undoing his buckle and jeans, freeing himself from his boxers. He wrapped one hand around his dick and started stroking himself as I stood infront of him.

“Do a spin for me, baby” Rip’s voice is deep and gravelly, eyes hooded as he takes in the view.
“Rip”, I tried to contest him as my cheeks burned red with shyness, hugging my arms around myself.
“Don’t you fuckin’ dare get shy now, baby, you’re the sexiest girl in the whole fuckin’ world” His words took the edge off.

I moved slowly, making sure he could take in every inch of me. I stopped to look over my shoulder as I faced away from him. The sight of him, head tipped back against the couch, mouth slightly open as he stroked himself slowly, watching me, made my knees go weak.

I lifted both of my arms to run my hands through my hair as I faced him again. A deep groan echoed through the room as his dick twitched in his hand. I made my way back over to him slowly, watching as his eyes followed me.

“Come here, darlin’”, he held his spare hand out to pull me back onto him.

With both thighs on either side of his legs, I positioned myself against him. I gasped as soon as the head of his dick rubbed against my clit, rubing myself against him. Both of us hissed at the feeling, slowly moving against each other.

I lifted my hips and moved his dick to my entrance, sinking down onto it. The feeling of him opening me up had me throwing my head back until Rip’s hand cupped the back of it, pushing forward for me to meet his lips.

Rip’s grunts got louder against my mouth with every inch I took, our tongues sliding across each other. The kiss got sloppier as I started to move faster, adjusting to his size. I let my movements change to a grind as the sensations took over, the cold of his buckle leaving an impression on my thigh, just adding to it.

“That’s it baby, make yourself feel good on my dick” Rip groaned.

My hands rested on his knees behind me as I moved painfully slow, knowing Rip wanted nothing more than to hear me yelp as he fucked me relentlessly. Yet he let me move how I wanted, his dick rubbing against my g-spot with every move of my hips.

“Does that feel good, baby?” Rip asked as my moans grew louder.
“Really fucking good” I managed to reply, a cocky smile on my face from teasing him.

I yelped as Rip wrapped one arm around my waist and spun us around so I was on all fours. He forced himself inside of me from behind, immediately hitting my cervix so hard I think it might bruise.

“You enjoy teasing me, pretty girl? It’s my turn now and I'm going to fuck you until you beg me to put a baby inside of you” Rip’s voice is threatening as he fastens his pace.

My eyes opened wide at his words, a part of me wanted to ask him what the fuck he just said, but the rest of me felt a fire burning inside of me. Moans fell out of my mouth instead of any words.

“You like that, don’t you, baby? The thought of me fucking you pregnant” I could hear the dirty grin on his face.
“Fuck Rip, yes” I groaned.
“That’s my dirty fuckin’ girl” His thrusts got harder.

I let my arms fall to my side as I gave myself to him completely. He took the opportunity to grab both of my wrists again, holding them behind my back with one hand as the other wrapped around my hair. I don’t think I've ever been this turned on in my life and my pussy agrees with me too.

“Rip, I'm gonna cum” my voice came out broken, in sync with his relentless pace.
“I'm going to fill that pretty little pussy up with my cum” Rip spoke, knowing his words will tip me over the edge.
“Going to cum so fuckin’ deep inside of you baby” he growled.

That was all I needed. My legs shook uncontrollably as I felt Rip explode inside of me as I squeezed down around him. There is something about cumming at the same time that makes my eyes roll.

I collapsed fully against the couch as Rip’s movements slowed, groaning as he watched his cum drip out of me. I expected some post sex clarity to hit, in which I’d be alarmed at the fact I practically begged him to get me pregnant, but it didn’t come.

He flipped me over so I was lying on my back, a lazy smile on my face as I saw his. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he hovered over me, taking in the sight of my red cheeks and well fucked expression.

“Well, that was something I didn’t know turned me on”, I laughed softly.
“Shit, me neither darlin’, but it fuckin’ did” he matched my laugh.
“I love you, cowboy”, I stared into his beautiful blue eyes.
“I love you, baby”, he leaned to place a kiss against my forehead.

The rest of the morning moved fast, other than a very slow shower together. I didn’t think our intimacy could run any deeper, but each day surprises me in the nicest way. I have run my fingers over every scar on his body, and he has a lot. The Y on his chest I could describe perfectly with my eyes shut.

We sat at the table for lunch as Rip continuously told me how dangerous it’s going to be and that I need to stay by the truck at all times, no matter what. This time I will listen to what he tells me, as much as up close photos would be nice, I don’t want to die before I can finish this project off. My biggest lens will do me just fine, and I will have no issues capturing the events.

We drove out on our own, Kayce was taking the others with him. I had my window down as I took in the sights around us. Rip pointed out different things as we drove, and I could listen to him tell me anything. His voice vibrates in my soul with every word he speaks.

“We’re nearly here, there's Kayce’s truck”, Rip pointed up ahead of us.
“Are you excited?” I laughed at the lack of emotion he’d shown over the job, just about me.
“I'll be excited when we’re back down that fuckin’ hill in one piece” He clamped down harder on his toothpick.

“I promise you, I will not move from the truck. You focus on what you’re doing, cowboy, I'll be waiting down here for you,” I reassured him.
“You mean it?” He double checked.
“The fact that I don’t have a horse would make it hard for me to do it. I'm not sure if you’ve realised, but running up a giant hill isn’t my idea of fun,” I teased.

We parked up with the various different trucks, all with differend brand decals on them. They all seem half the size of Rip and John’s trucks. There was more here than i expected, all with trailers attached. I waited for Rip to come to my side to open the door for me.

“How’d you manage that?” Kayce looked shocked as we walked over.
“You don’t wanna know”, I laughed.
“You’re right, I don’t,” he shook his head.

“Oh, Lainey, didn’t expect to see you here”, John greeted me.
“Couldn’t miss the opportunity for some photos”, I held my camera in his direction.
“Atta girl”, John smiled, “will you join us for dinner tonight? Not going to take you away from Rip on your last night”
“Yeah, sure, I will,” I looked over at Rip, feeling slightly guilty.

“Extend the invite to Rip too” John nodded in his direction.
“Really?” I know Rip had never been invited for dinner before.
“You’re family in my eyes, Lainey, that means Rip gets dragged along for the ride too,” John acknowledged the dysfunction that comes with every family dinner.

“Could you maybe extend it to him? I don’t think he’ll believe me if I say it” I lowered my voice so only John could hear.
“Are people really that put off about me?” John looked both shocked and amused.
“I think he’d appreciate it more if it comes from you” He rested his hand on my shoulder with a nod of his head.
“What are we gonna do around here without you speaking sense to us all?” he laughed.

“We’re gonna head up now. You stay right here, I love you” Rip gave me a quick kiss.
“Be careful, cowboy, I love you too” I waved him off as he got into the saddle.

I lit a cigarette as I watched them climb higher up the hill, knowing it could take a while for them to catch all of the horses. I'm not sure of the exact number I should be expecting to see, but by the number of wranglers that have teamed together for this, I would guess it’s going to be quite a few.

I've never been massively in love with nature until I came here. Words can’t describe the peaceful feeling that washes over you when you’re amongst the landscape around here. I understand why so many people born here never leave.

I lost myself in taking photos of the view around me, and I couldn’t resist getting a few of the Yellowstone trucks; they dwarf any other I've seen whilst being here. I guess it’s the biggest trucks for the biggest ranch.

I heard a faint whistle travel through the air, and I got my camera ready in the direction I felt like it came from. Within a second, they all came into view, It’s breathtaking. There must be fifty horses racing their way down the hill, kept together by all of the wranglers.

The dirt under my boots vibrated with the force of all the hoofs hitting the floor at once. I took as many pictures as I could, an unforgettable moment I want to be able to look back on and share with everyone else.

My eyes fought me, wanting to only focus on my cowboy, but I needed to capture this in its entirety. They started to slow as they approached the end of the hill, moving in formation to lead the horses into the pen they’d set up.

Every single one of them had a crazy smile on their faces, one I hadn’t seen any of them show before. A chorus of cusses and cheers filled the air, and I tried my best to capture this moment of celebration.

“Lainey, did you fucking see that?” Ryan shouted like a maniac.
“Fuck yeah I did” I laughed.
“I have half a mind to go back up and do that all over again”, John added.
“Can I come up with you if you do?” I teased.
“No”, Rip cut it off immediately, to my amusement.

I stayed back at the truck as they all recapped the events together, the high clear on all of their faces. I don’t want to interrupt, so just watching them all with a smile on my face is fine by me. I took a couple more photos here and there, some people who I’d never seen before, I will need John to get the end photos too.

“You ready to head home, darlin’?” Rip wrapped his arms around me, a smile still on his face.
“Are you?” I didn’t want to take him away from this.
“Yeah, that went too well. Wanna get home before something goes wrong” he gave me a suspicious look.
“Come on then, cowboy, take me home” I leaned on my tiptoes to kiss him.

Rip filled me in on everything I couldn’t see once they were out of my view and it sounded like they were having to work damn hard whilst I relaxed in my little nature dreamland. I'm less jealous about the fact that I didn’t get to go up with them, the more he speaks.

“Mr Dutton invited me to dinner tonight”, Rip spoke after a moment of silence.
“What did you say?” I turned to look at him, confusion all over his face.
“I said yes, but why is he inviting me, baby?” God, I want to squeeze him.

“It’s my last dinner with him, he said he didn’t want to take me away from you on our actual last night together. Then he said I'm family, and that means you have to deal with one of the Dutton dinners,” I explained.
“He wants me to come?” I smiled at his confusion.
“Yes, he really does. By the time we get back, you’ll have enough time to shower, and then we can head over? I'm excited for a Gator meal,” I squeezed the hand he had rested on my thigh.

I got straight to kicking my feet up and lying on the couch as soon as we got home, like it was me who risked death to bring fifty horses down a mountain. I wasn’t going to miss the opportunity to scroll socials for a little while whilst Rip got ready, so here is where I'll remain until I go up and change my jeans.

I posted a couple of stories to once again let people know that I'm alive. I got some messages asking when I'll be home to catch up with people, but I decided to ignore them for now. I'll face real life when I'm back in my real life, not whilst I'm here.

“What are you doing?” I asked Rip curiously, as he stared at himself in the mirror.
“Do I look presentable enough for dinner?” he replied whilst wearing a newer pair of jeans and his usual black shirt.
“You look fucking handsome, cowboy. It’s not some big event, John sees you pretty much every day” I couldn’t help but smile at his nervousness.

I wouldn’t say I had to drag Rip out of the house, but I did need to take him away from the slight pacing he was doing across the living room. I've never seen him like this, and it melts my heart as much as it makes me sad that he doesn’t see himself as worthy of just going to the Dutton house for dinner.

I thought walking over would be the better option, so the fresh air could chill him out a little bit. The grip he has on my hand is almost painful as I keep talking his ear off about random stuff in the hopes it distracts him. By the time we get to the driveway, he still hasn’t spoken a word back to me.

“Rip, baby, look at me”, I smiled softly.
“Where do I put my hat in there?” he asked quietly, his head gesturing to the house.
“Wherever you want, there are no rules. It’s just dinner, we’re going to have food put in front of us, Beth is going to walk out, we'll eat dessert and then go home” I held back a laugh as I talked him through it.

“You’re not going to knock?” Rip asked as I went to open the door.
“I don’t usually”, his question caught me off guard, “would you like me to?”
“I think we should”, he straightened out his jacket.

I stepped back and knocked on the front door, now I feel slightly awkward having done that. I lived in this house, it just felt like turning up at a close member of the family's house where I just walked through the door. I can see it from Rip’s perspective, though, so if it relieves some of his anxiety, that’s fine by me.

“Why are you knocking on the door?” Beth greeted us.
“Seemed like the polite thing to do”, I acted as if it was my idea.
“Why are you being fuckin’ weird?” Then she noticed Rip’s expression, “Why does he look like a lost puppy?” she teased.
“Come on”, I guided Rip, who was glaring at Beth.

“Lainey!” Tate beamed as we walked into the dining room.
“Hey dude, how have you been?” I asked as I made my way to my seat, Rip following behind me.
“Good, did you hear what my dad and grandpa did today?” He spoke excitedly.
“If it’s to do with wrangling horses, then yep, me and Rip went too,” I tried to pull him into the conversation.

“Did you take photos?” The youngest Dutton asked.
“I did, you can be the first to see them when they’re ready” I gave a big smile to the boy.
“Yeah, right, I bet Rip sees them first”, he complained, making us all laugh.

“So this is our final dinner, Lainey”, John changed the topic of conversation.
“It is indeed, times flown right?” I half laughed, reaching to hold Rip’s hand under the table.
“How long is it until you have to finalise the photos?” Beth asked.

“So it’ll be around the two-month mark, I’d estimate. You can tell me now if anything specific is off limits, or you can send me an email outlining them. All photos will be sent to you for approval before anything gets submitted or goes to print,” I explained.

“Then when is it we see you?” John asked.
“Three months, I believe the date is set for September 16th, but that could easily be moved,” I felt Rip’s eyes on me, confused.
“See you?” Rip asked.
“Daddy and I are flying over for a release event”, Beth clarified.
“Oh, I didn’t know about that,” Rip spoke quietly.

It wasn’t something I ever thought to mention; if I'm honest, it slipped my mind that it was even something that was going to happen. All our conversations had been based on me coming back here, Rip not having a passport or even existing legally meant it never connected in my head. Gator coming in with the food that smells incredible pulled me out of my thoughts.

“Relax, cowboy. You’re all stiff and not in a good way,” I whispered as the others talked.
“And you say I have a way with words” Rip smiled for the first time all night, his shoulders relaxing.

Gator had made all the food he knew was my favourite from when I ate here every night. Perfectly cooked steaks, all the greens, mashed potatoes and his homemade peppercorn sauce. Food that just adds to making this place feel exactly like home.

“Lainey?” Tate asked as I got to work on my plate.
“Yeah?” I asked between bites.
“When are you and Rip going to get married?” Monica immediately scolded him as the others laughed at the red on mine and Rip’s cheeks.

“That’s the second time you’ve got me with that question, Tate”, I laughed “I already told you, if I ever get married, you’ll be the first person I invite”
“But I've seen you and Rip kissing now, so it has to be with Rip” He looked at me suspiciously.
“He’s got you there, Lainey”, Beth egged him on.

“Sorry about him, guys, we’re going to have another conversation about minding our own business” Monica gave him the usual mom glare.

“Maybe you should have tried that, Rip, always said you two would make cute babies”, Beth teased.
“Did anyone see what the weather forecast is for tomorrow?” I made the worst attempt at changing the conversation, which just added to everyone else's amusement, including Rip.

“It would have been nice to have a baby on the ranch,” John laughed.
“No, thank you, I'm good for now” I shook my head.
“Was worth a try, doesn’t seem like Beth is going to give us one anytime soon”, John added.

I closed my eyes to cringe, knowing what was about to happen. Beth had managed to stay at the table for a record amount of time tonight, at least since I've been here. Her chair flung back against the wall with a thud as she stormed out of the room.

My heart broke for her, everyone just treated it as a usual Beth exit from a small comment. None of them had any idea how deep that cut was for her to hear. Thank god Jamie still isn’t back on the ranch, or I fear he would have ended up with a knife in his chest.

“Welcome to a Dutton dinner, Rip,” John sighed.
“Who’s ready for dessert?” Gator appeared at the right time, “I made apple crumble, Lainey’s favourite”, he smiled over at me.
“Gator, I'm going to miss you more than I can say,” I pouted with a hand over my heart.

Chapter Text

I woke with a scream, sweat pouring off me as I looked around a room I didn’t recognise.

“Lainey, Lainey”, I could make out a muffled call of my name.

When arms reached out to my shoulders, I flinched hard. My hands flew up against my face, protecting me.

“Lainey, baby, it’s me” Tears started flowing from my eyes.

“Please, baby, how can I help?” the voice got louder as I came around.

“Baby, it’s me, it’s Rip. You’re okay, come on, you’re safe” He lifted me onto his legs, cradling me against him.

I melted into his warmth, realising it was all just a bad nightmare. Rip’s face looked panicked as I finally looked up at him. Looked up at the only person who’s ever tried to keep me safe.

“I'm sorry,” I whispered, wiping away my tears.
“Baby, what happened?” Rip pleaded for the answer.
“I think it was a nightmare”, I looked around the room again just to be sure.
“You were asleep, and then you just started screaming” Rip’s voice still sounded panicked.

“I guess that was my brain's way of getting me ready to go back to reality. I'm sorry,” I laughed a small, self-deprecating laugh.
“Stop saying you’re sorry, darlin’. Do you want to tell me what happened?” Rip was still rocking me slowly.
“No”, my voice came out broken as I shook my head rapidly.

“Come on, have some water”, Rip passed me my Stanley.
“Thank you,” my voice came out barely a whisper.
“That’s it, good girl,” he praised me as he smoothed my hair out with his hand.

“You feel better, pretty girl?” he tilted my chin with his finger, so that I would look him in the eye.
“I do, I'm sorry that hasn’t happened for a long time”, I let out a deep sigh.
“It used to happen a lot?” he searched my face for answers.
“Every night”, I shuddered at the memory.

“Will you cuddle me, please?” I looked up at those piercing blue eyes, pain clear in them.
“Of course, darlin’, lie down and I'll cuddle you however you want” Rip’s voice was a whisper.

It took a second for Rip to release his grip on me, and I didn’t realise just how tightly he had me cradled against me until he let go. I don’t deserve this man, all I've done since being here is fuck his life up and make it harder in everyway. It was selfish of me to drag him into my mess of a life.

I lay back down facing the wall, I can’t look at his face right now, it’s going to break me. I'm not even sure he’s going to be able to sleep now. I can feel how on edge he still is from being completely helpless. His worst nightmare.

Rip wrapped one arm under my waist and the other over the top, pulling me as close to him as humanly possible. I was cold from the ten seconds of not touching his skin, and now I'm perfectly warm again.

I clung onto Rip’s arms, the only thing that’s going to soothe me back to sleep is knowing I'm safe with him. Those big, muscly arms are practically my lifeline at this point. I focused on Rip’s breathing to get mine back to normal, slowly luring me back to sleep.

Just as I was drifting off, I heard Rip whisper to himself.

“This is going to fuckin’ kill me, baby”

When my eyes fluttered open again, Rip’s hold on me was still as strong. I listened to his breathing, it’s light enough for me to know that he’s barely asleep. If I move, he’ll wake up, and I can’t quite tell what time it is. I moved as slowly as possible to try to reach for my phone.

“Good mornin’ baby, how you feeling now?” His voice was so deep and sleepy, I had to clamp my thighs together.
“I'm okay, thank you, baby. Did you sleep?” I needed to ask.
“Yeah, I slept," he yawned as he rolled onto his back, pulling me over with him.
“Are you lying?” I looked at him curiously.
“Maybe," he let out a sleepy laugh.

I could tell by the sky outside now that we were at risk of being late to the barn if we didn’t get a move on. A quiet Rip near me means that there's something on his mind that he doesn’t know how to express, the way he’s staring at the wall ahead confirms it.

“What’s up, cowboy? Are you okay?” I stared up at him.
“This is my last full day with you, darlin’”, he spoke slowly and quietly.
“You’re going to hate this, but I need Ryan to take me into town today” I figured it was better to mention it now rather than later.

“You’re right, I do fuckin’ hate that baby. Why can’t I take you?” His grip on me tightened.
“That would ruin the whole idea”, I laughed “You’ll see why, I promise we won’t take long”
“What if I kill Ryan, so he can’t take you?” My mouth flew open.
“Rip, Jesus”, I scolded him.
“It would have been untruthful for me not to tell you I was thinking about it,” He laughed.

“Come on, cowboy, we need to get up, we can shower together if we do it now”, I urged him.
“No, I think I'm just going to keep you captive in bed, baby” he adjusted his position slightly, so I really couldn’t move.

“You’re the cutest man in the whole fucking world” I couldn’t help, but laugh at him.
“You’re gonna get that thing, you know, where people fall for the person who kidnaps them” Rip looked down at me, amused.
“Stockholm Syndrome? I wouldn’t even need that, I wouldn’t be against the initial kidnapping,” I joked.

“Come on, shower time. I'll make breakfast” I made a quick attempt at an escape, rolling over him and dragging him out behind me.
“Yes ma’am” Rip smacked my ass as he followed.

I ran out to get my phone as the shower heated up, I want music playing whilst we shower. To distract me from the aching in my heart, and so we can keep track of how long we end up spending in here.

We spent one whole song just letting the hot water fall over us as we silently embraced each other. Every time we’ve done this, there's been a level of emotion to it, but this feels like a physical pain shooting through my body.

Rip took the lead, following his newfound routine of washing my hair for me as I melted into his touch. I can feel my lip shaking as I try to savour every moment of the feeling of his touch on my skin. I've fucked up every aspect of my life, I'm never going to be able to just shower without thinking of Rip.

I took a deep breath to gather myself before turning to look at that soul-crushingly handsome face. I had to look away for a second before looking into his eyes, pain so clearly visible in those beautiful blue ones that see through all of my masks.

“Thank you for that, you gorgeous fucking man” I laughed shakily, “I'm gonna go get a start on breakfast”
“One more minute, baby?” Rip pleaded.
“If I stay one more minute, we’ll never leave this shower, and we’ll both be all wrinkly” The joke didn’t quite cover my hurt.

Rip just nodded; words weren’t going to be either of our strong points today. It’s always cold when you step out of a shower, but the air felt like it smacked me in the face. I brushed my teeth quickly, ignoring the gut feeling of being alone after a minute without Rip’s hands on me.

I brushed through my hair as I looked through Rip’s wardrobe. I want to wear as many of his clothes as I can today. I need to feel him close to me at all times. I settled on my light blue jeans, white tank top, Rip’s black shirt and his Carhartt vest over the top. My hair is going to be messy today, but I really couldn’t care less; my cowboy hat is going to cover it up anyway.

I heard Rip getting out of the shower and took it as my signal to head downstairs. I know if he had it his way, then he wouldn’t let me out of his sight for a second today, but I know he needs a bit of time on his own to regulate his feelings before facing everyone.

I looked at our boots and hats by the door, side by side as they have been since the day Rip suggested I move in with him for the rest of my time here. It’s not something I had ever particularly noticed until this moment, but it feels like I've been punched in the stomach knowing that his are just going to be there on their own when I'm gone.

I grabbed my camera off the kitchen table and took some pictures of them, the light streaming through the front door hit our hats hanging up perfectly. I need to take one on my phone right now, too; it’ll make it easier to get it to Rip.

I turned the volume on my phone up to the maximum as I grabbed the ingredients I needed for breakfast. Eggs, flour and milk are all I need to focus on at this second. I mixed them all together as I heard Rip’s footsteps coming down the stairs.

“What are you making, baby?” Rip’s arms were wrapped around me from behind in a second.
“I'm making you my mum's pancakes” I poured the batter into the hot oil in the pan.
“I didn’t know English people ate pancakes like we do”, I tilted my head to see him looking down curiously.
“You’re joining, right? We have a whole day dedicated to pancakes once a year,” I laughed at the confused look on his face.

“I like your outfit today, darlin’”, Rip took a step back to look at me.
“I hope so, it is mainly your clothes,” I smiled.
“They look way better on you than me, baby”, he smiled softly.
“I can assure you they don’t”, I turned to look at my cowboy, the sexiest man I have ever laid eyes on.

I pointed over to his seat at the table, needing him to take a seat before I get too distracted just looking at him and burn the pancakes. This is a recipe that gets taken every seriously in my family, my mum would be pissed at me if I messed them up. I need a tub of treacle for them to be authentic, but Nutella or the powdered sugar I found in the cupboard will have to do.

“Now we’ve both shared our mother’s secret pancake recipe”, I smiled as I put the plate down in front of him.
“This looks damn good baby” Food is always the way to his heart.
“We don’t have any treacle, which breaks my heart, but you can pick what you want to put on it”, I explained.

“What are you putting on your,s darlin’?” Rip asked.
“Half nutella, half powdered sugar” I licked my lips in anticipation.
“Shit, I'm gonna follow your lead baby I don’t wanna fuck it up” Rip laughed.

Crossing home comforts to a different home has a weird feeling to it, like it doesn’t quite belong, yet it does at the same time. I think my mum would be happy that I managed to do her recipe justice, and by the look on Rip’s face, he thought so too.

“Fuck, baby, this is good” Rip practically inhaled his.
“You want another one? There's enough left,” I laughed at him.
“Ain’t gonna say no to that darlin’”, Rip grinned.
“Coming up,” I smiled right back at him.

As always, Rip refused to let me do the dishes. I'm going to have to relearn how to do them again when I get home at this point. I took my usual seat out on the porch, waiting for Rip to come and join me.

I lit a cigarette and stared out at the landscape I'm going to miss being surrounded by. The incredibly fresh air I corrupt with smoke every time I sit here, the view of the guys working over at the bunkhouse, the mountain and greenery that everyone just gets used to being surrounded by. All these things that I'm never going to see again.

“Come here, baby” Rip snuck up on me, I'm not sure how long he was watching me for.
“Yes, daddy”, I joked, trying to hide my emotions.
“Now don’t you be making my dick hard when we’re having a quiet moment” Rip laughed.

I sat back down in Rip’s lap, his hands securely around me, drawing small circles on my thigh with his fingertips. I admired him for a moment, I want to be able to remember every freckle on his usn kissed face, every curl that falls just under his hat and the way his mouth moves when he plays with those damn toothpicks.

“I'm sorry,” I whispered.
“What are you sorry for, baby? You know you never have to say those words to me” He cupped my face with one hand, stopping me from being able to look away from him.
“For coming and for leaving and for fucking your life up” I exhaled deeply.
“Take those thoughts out of your pretty head, baby, we can talk tonight” He wiped away a stray tear from my face.

“Rip?” I spoke quietly.
“Yes, baby?” he tilted his head with a smile.
“Please don’t be mean to Ryan today”, I gave him my best puppy dog eyes.
“Shit, I can’t promise that. I will be nicer to him than I want to be, though,” Rip laughed.

We walked over to the bunkhouse hand in hand. I thought back to all the times we’ve done this walk, all the little laughs we’ve had, and all the times we thought we were convincing people nothing was happening between us. Now we’re both going to have to pretend like we’re not dying inside.

“You ready to smile at people, baby?” Rip whispered as we got close.
“No, are you?” I squeezed his hand.
“I'll smile whilst you’re still here with me, pretty girl” Rip gave me his signature smirk.

All the wranglers were waiting around on the benches for Rip to come and tell them the plans for today. I made a beeline for Ryan, catching Lloyd giving Rip a supportive pat on the back for the day ahead. I don’t think anyone is going to mention it in front of Rip, at least until later in the day, for fear of his reaction.

“Hey, Lanes”, Ryan gave me a sympathetic smile.
“Hey, I need you to take me into town. That good with you?” I asked.
“Fine by me, is it fine by him?” Ryan grimaced slightly as he nodded his head towards Rip, who was glaring at him.
“He’ll get over it”, I laughed “Come on, before he changes his mind”

There was a nostalgic feeling washing over me as we drove the road away from the ranch. This is the last time I'm leaving here to return. I'm done with feeling sad for the next few hours, I need to keep my emotions in check for the conversation I've been dreading for weeks tonight.

Ryan knows me well enough to know I don’t want to talk right now. He turned the music up as loud as he could, both of us screaming song lyrics at the top of our voices, making each other laugh. My friendship with Ryan is one I'm always going to treasure. Maybe one day in the future we can meet up for a drink and reminisce.

“Hey, Ry?” I turned the volume down slightly.
“I'm not gonna like this question, am I?” he looked at me suspiciously, making me laugh.
“I need you to drive me to the airport tomorrow”, I spoke fast.
“Lainey, do you want me to die?” he looked at me, confused.

“I wouldn’t ask unless I needed you to” I gave him my best attempt at puppy dog eyes.
“Mr Dutton already gave Rip permission, guess we all just thought that was what was going to happen?” Ryan explained.
“If I let Rip take me, I'll never leave. I won’t be able to get out of that fucking truck. Please,” I pleaded.
“Shit, Lanes. I'm happy to take you, but you gotta break it to him first” Ryan gave me a knowing look.

All I needed was a yes, I'll deal with the rest later. I turned the music back up, going straight back to belting out some Morgan Wallen as Ryan looked at me with concern and amusement before joining back in.

As Main Street appeared, I realised I hadn’t specified where I needed Ryan to take me, he just followed my lead with no questioning. Thats what I call a damn good friend, and I for one don’t have too many of them.

“Anywhere is fine, I only have three places here I need to go”, I pointed him to a free bay.
“Sure thing. You gonna tell me where, or is it a surprise?” Ryan laughed.
“Come on, loser”, I jumped out.

My first stop is the photo store. I've managed to narrow it down to ten photos to leave for Rip. Mainly silly selfies we’ve taken together, and the ones I took of our boots and hats together this morning. If only he didn’t live in the 1800’s technology-wise, he could have them all at his fingertips. I figured only ten will make it less overwhelming, I don’t want to leave him with a bunch he has to throw away when he eventually gets a new girl.

“Are you about to print out some things that little eyes shouldn’t see?” Ryan directed his eyes away from the photos on the screen.
“There are no kids in here?” I looked at him, confused.
“My little eyes,” he said seriously.
“Shut up, your eyes are safe,” I laughed.

Ryan’s comment did give me an idea, though, it depends on how much time I can steal by myself when we get back, if I can manage it. Anyway, non-PG thoughts out of my mind, I have more photos to print off.

Once mine and Rip’s were printed, I started on a few copies of the wranglers and John whilst we were up at summer camp. Then some copies of just the Dutton family, and finally one of Tate with his horse and one he took himself. I couldn’t leave without giving him something.

“A stubborn cowboy?” the older woman behind the till asked.
“Huh?” I responded with a confused look.
“Won’t get himself a phone from this century?” she said with a kind smile.
“You see a lot of this then?” we both laughed.

I left the woman a little tip, needing to get rid of some of this cash before I head home, as exchanging currency back to English is one of my worst skills, so I may as well put it to use whilst here.

Ryan took the bag of photos and photo frames out of my hand. There must be something in the air here that just makes the men good. I appreciated it more because I need my hands free for the next store.

“Why am I not shocked you couldn’t leave without one last visit here?” Ryan joked as we walked into my favourite boutique.
“Leave me alone, don’t get anything like this back home”, I grinned.
“Is there something in particular you’re looking for?” Ryan asked.

I gave myself a minute looking across all the beautiful turquoise in front of me, pretending like I'm not just looking for one thing in particular. The one thing I couldn’t seem to find as my eyes scanned the rows and rows of rings.

“Hey, excuse me”, I flagged down a worker.
“How can I help?” the young girl asked.
“I tried a ring on here a few days ago, a lightning bolt?” I can’t even pretend like I don’t have my fingers crossed right now.
“I'm sorry, that one has sold. We’re not going to get any more of them in for a while,” She broke the bad news to me.

Fuck me. I knew I should have just bought it, who was I kidding with trying to work on my willpower? I've never done that before, so why would I start trying to do that now? I'm not even going to think of the boots again now because I can’t deal with a heartbreak over if they’re not there, too. Damn it.

“Come on, next store?” Ryan nudged me.
“Why am I so sad over a ring?” I laughed at myself.
“I don’t think it’s just the ring Lanes, let’s go”, Ryan smiled sadly at me.

I lit a cigarette as soon as we stepped out the door. I need a moment. I can’t deal with how strongly my emotions are essentially attacking me today. I need to get my shit together and stop being so whiny, that’s never been me. Move your thoughts on, just for a few hours.

“Why do you have a weird smile on your face?” Ryan’s observation skills were on point today.
“Thinking about this next thing, it’s so stupid”, I smirked.
“I don’t know if I like this or not,” Ryan looked amused.

The town was quiet today, but I guess it is midday on a weekday, and most people around here have ranch jobs, which means they’re not going to be out shopping. I'm glad for it though, I think if one person barged past me today, then I would land myself in jail.

“Hey, what’s that? A fair?” I pointed out a flyer in the shop window.
“Oh yeah, it’s running all this week. I'm sure 49 Winchester is playing it tonight,” Ryan explained.
“And this was kept secret from me for what reason?” I joked dramatically.
“We ain’t usually a group to all go to the fair”, he laughed.
“We’re so going”, I nodded to myself.

I stubbed my cigarette out and walked us over to the final store of this part of our trip. I couldn’t get the stupid smile off my face as I headed straight for the one thing I know is going to piss Rip off in the best way possible.

“You’re joking”, Ryan cracked up as I stopped.
“Deadly serious, do you know how many comments I've had to endure from him?” I nodded enthusiastically.
“He’s gonna kill ya for spending money on them” Ryan was just as amused as me.
“So worth it”, I picked up the black size 11 Crocs and headed to the register.

We both must have looked like crazy people as Ryan continued cracking up the full time, from the register all the way to the truck. I'm glad we’ve both got our laughter out of it because Rip isn’t going to enjoy them being in his house as much as we’ve just enjoyed getting them.

“I'm sorry” Ryan tried to compose himself “the thought of Rip fuckin’ Wheeler in Crocs is one of the funniest damn things I've ever thought”
“You gotta let me know how long it takes for them to be donated to the bunkhouse”, I grinned as we jumped into the truck.

“Where now?” he asked, still catching his breath from the laughter.
“Just the grocery store”, I instructed him.
“Damn, the fun is over then?” Ryan was still smiling.
“Nah, we’re gonna have loads at the fair”, I beamed.

I had made a note on my phone of all the items I wanted to restock in the house before I left. Rip has refused to let me spend a penny on food or any of the supplies for the full time I've been here. The only way I was going to be able to is by taking advantage of today and him not being with me.

I felt like a mother walking around the store with Ryan, trying to keep him on track and not lose control of the cart while he got distracted by literally everything. I knew I called it right when I felt he was a golden retriever in a grown man's body when he first got me from the airport.

I grabbed all kinds of fruit and veg before heading to the aisles filled with your boring cupboard stuff, I'm focusing more on things that will keep him going if he’s avoiding heading out to the store. I know he’s fully capable; he was long before I got here, but I do worry about how he’s going to handle things when I'm gone, so this is the least I can do for him.

“Christ, Lainey, how many more things are you getting?” Ryan looked astonished as I started filling the cart up with freezer food.
“Enough to fill a guy like Rip for a little while,” I kept focused on the task.
“Shit, you think you wanna help out with anything for the bunkhouse?” he joked.
“You have a new truck now, you have no excuse,” I laughed.

Wow. The price of groceries over here is a hell of a lot more expensive than at home. My jaw was on the floor when the cashier told me the total. This one shop is more than I spend in a month on my food shop. It’s a good job I didn’t end up getting the ring and boots. I genuinely can’t believe it.

We loaded the truck up with everything I bought, It felt good to lift something for once. Rip’s idea of hell is watching me lift something into the truck whilst he’s standing there. Ryan assured me he would do it all, but that only flies with my man. Mainly because his stern look gives me butterflies in my stomach.

“When we get back, will you just wait outside until I'm ready to head over to the bunkhouse?” I asked as Ryan drove.
“Sure, why?” he looked curious.
“I need some time in the house to put it all away, if Rip knows we’re back, he’ll come straight over”, I smiled, thinking about being back near him again.
“Makes sense. Not gonna complain about a bit more time off work,” Ryan fist bumped me.

Our artist of choice on the way home is Treaty Oak Revival. I didn’t know how much I needed it until we both channelled our emotions through angry singing to their songs. Things didn’t seem to be going too well with him and Abby, so Ryan needed it just as much as me.

“Make me a promise?” I asked.
“What is it?” Ryan turned the music down.
“You’ll let me know how he is once a week for a while” The guilt was coming back to me.
“Yes, ma’am, I promise,” he held a pinky out to me, making me stifle a laugh.

“You better not ghost me when I'm not here,” I joked.
“You’re like my best friend, who else is going to listen to my girl troubles?” he acted offended I'd even suggest it.
“I'll always listen to the ways you fuck your chances up” I teased “just please be honest with me when you let me know whats going on with Rip”
“I've got you, Lanes, we’ve all got him too,” he assured me.

If I ever had any doubts about whether Ryan was a real friend, they would have been out the window when he slowed the truck down to what can only be described as a crawl as we pulled onto the ranch. We both laughed when we noticed we were ducking down to avoid being seen even though we’re in a huge truck.

“We’re going to look like fucking idiots if he’s waiting at the house” I laughed.
“We’ve got this, no chance anyone can hear us with the speed we’re going”, Ryan gritted his teeth in anticipation.
“Will you help me bring the groceries in so we get it done faster?” I asked as we pulled up.
“I've never been in the foreman's house before”, Ryan sounded intrigued.
“Well, now ain’t the time for snooping, we have to be fast”, I joked.

We were both out of the car in seconds, moving like we were running a military operation. Without speaking, we both decided that hunching down as we ran in with our hands full was the best move. Our shared brain cell was really working in full effect.

I waited for a second after opening the door to see if Rip was hanging around, but there was no sound in the house, so we got straight to it. If there were a world record for fastest time to put an insane amount of groceries away, then we both would have had a plaque.

“You’re a real one man,” I laughed “Now can you sit in the truck until I come out?” I gave him my best polite smile.
“I don’t wanna know what you’re going to do, do I?” Ryan looked confused and amused.
“No, you don’t. I owe you one,” I laughed as I kicked him out.

I ran up the stairs as fast as I could to the spare room. I found my Polaroid camera and knew what needed to be done. Hiding the Crocs, I got straight to it. I've spent most of my time in this house in a state of some kind of undress, so it’s only right, and I think this is something Rip will enjoy as a keepsake.

Ten minutes later, I was out the door to Ryan. He jumped as I opened the door, too into what he’s been watching on his phone. I'm going to spend so much time doomscrolling once I'm back in my bed, trying to distract from the fact I'm going to be lying there alone.

“What were you watching?” I asked with a laugh.
“Abby, she released a new song”, he sighed.
“Is it about you?” I teased.
“I fuckin’ wish, a song about a cowboy who shares a room with 9 other men doesn’t have much of a ring to it, does it?” he poked fun at himself.

“You’re a catch, Ryan. If she doesn’t come around, then someone else will. Possibly related to me?” I wiggled my eyebrows at him.
“At this point, can you just send her over to meet me now?” he joked.
“Wow, at least let me catch up with her and try and convince her you’re not an idiot first”, we both laughed as the truck started.

Within a minute, the bunkhouse was in sight. Seems like we pulled up at just the right time, as they were all making their way back to the barn. I saw Rip’s smile appear as he caught sight of the truck.

I felt my heart beat faster as I let myself admire him for a moment. Those curls peaking out from his cowboy hat, the toothpick in his mouth combined with those fucking chaps had my heart racing. He really is the most handsome man to ever walk this planet. I didn’t really believe in sex appeal until I laid eyes on him for the first time. Now he’s riding over to us with a grin I’ll never be able to forget.

Chapter Text

“How you doing, pretty girl?” Rip asked with a smile.
“I went back for the ring, but they didn’t have it, so that was sad. How are you doing, cowboy?” I love looking up at him when he’s on his horse.
“Better now you’re back, darlin’. Sorry about the ring, did you get everything else you wanted?” The smile never left his face.
“I did” I couldn’t help the grin on my face when I heard Ryan snicker behind me.

“What are you two hiding?” Rip looked suspicious.
“Nothing that you won’t find out. Oh yeah, I saw the flyers for the fair in town, can we go please?” The excitement is clear in my voice.
“The fair? Like the county fair?” Rip looked at Ryan, confused.
“Yeah, a band she likes is playing tonight too,” Ryan backed me up.

“So you want to spend your last night here at the fair?” I could see the smirk coming to Rip’s lips.
“Yes, please, I think it’ll be nice,” I said, giving him the same puppy dog eyes I had given Ryan earlier.
“Well shit, if thats what you want baby” Rip laughed.

“Everyone listen up”, Rip shouted “My girl here wants to go to the fair tonight. If you want to come, be ready for 6”
“Oh fuck yeah!” Lloyd shouted back.
“Ain’t gonna say no to that”, Colby added.

“Hey Lainey, you wanna go over and ask Tate and my dad?” Kayce asked.
“Yeah sure, I can go and do that now,” I nodded.
“Try and figure out how much Beth has had to drink before you ask her if she’s around,” he spoke quietly.
“There's no way I'm not going to ask her if she’s there, I'll keep an eye on her”, I reassured him.

“Shit, I wish there wasn’t so many reasons for you to be out of my sight today baby” Rip whispered.
“You’ll have me attached to you as soon as you’re done with work. Don’t worry about that, cowboy,” it wasn’t even a lie.
“Countin' down the fuckin’ minutes darlin’”, Rip exhaled heavily.

“Don’t go back to the house until I text you that I'm there?” I asked vaguely.
“Baby, you have me on edge”, Rip laughed.
“It’s nothing bad, I'd just like to be there when you get home,” I bit back a grin.

I'm glad Kayce asked me to do this, it isn’t often I've had the chance to walk along by myself since probably the first week of being here. It’s exactly what I need to try and get my thoughts clearer before I break Rip’s heart tonight.

I keep thinking back to that nervous feeling I had in my stomach about coming here and how I was going to try and fit in somewhere so different from my own home. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment those feelings disappeared, but by the third day, it felt like I'd just always been here. I have spent my entire life searching for a home, and I have finally found it.

“Lainey!” Beth shouted as I came to the end of the field.
“Hey, you good?” I spotted the glass in her hand.
“Fuckin’ rosy, didn’t think I'd see you without Rip wrapped around you today,” She half-teased.
“Me neither. Is your dad home? Came to ask if you guys want to join us at the fair tonight?” I watched her eyes light up.
“The fair? Ain’t been since I was a kid, but fuck yeah I will. He’s in his office,” she lit a cigarette.

I walked in without knocking as Rip wasn’t with me, and well, I'd already spoken to Beth, who was horrified the last time I knocked. I stood in the living room for a minute, taking in the beauty of the place for the last time. This is undoubtedly a dream home for many people, and I was fortunate enough to live here for a while.

“Lainey?” John asked from the doorway of his office.
“Hey John, I was just taking a minute to remember this place”, I laughed awkwardly at being caught.
“Take as long as you want. There will always be a place here for you, sweetheart” He gave me a kind smile.

“Thank you for taking me in the way you did, I know it’s off-putting to have someone walking around with a camera all the time” My eyes landed on an old family portrait, Jamie grinning for the camera.
“You ain’t gotta thank me. Your presence around here is going to be missed more than if it were me leaving,” he laughed.

“Will you take it easy on Rip for a bit?” There was a nervousness to my voice, knowing it wasn’t my place to ask.
“I never take it easy on my wranglers, Lainey, but me Lloyd and I have talked about it. He’ll be fine,” he disappeared into his office for a second before coming back with a glass of whiskey.

“You know, I've known Rip since he was a boy. When he came here, he was no one, had nothing. He worked his damn ass off to get where he is. I put a lot of time into teaching him how to be a man, but your short amount of time here has made him into more of a man than all the years I tried” He lifted his glass to me in a cheers.
“You saved him, he’s so thankful for you, and so am I. For having me here, letting me make a home in your home and for the man I found it with,” I smiled sadly.
“You saved him, Lainey”, John spoke seriously.

“I'm trying not to get emotional until we say our goodbyes tonight,” I half laughed as I wiped away a tear.
“I don’t pity you for that. Who would have thought it?” John laughed.
“Shit, not me I can assure you of that. Is Tate home?” I changed the subject.
“He isn’t home from school yet. Do you need him?” John asked.
“I came over here to let you guys know we’re going to the fair tonight. Kayce wanted to check if you guys wanted to come too.” I watched as he thought it over for a second.

“The fair? Who’s going?” The older Dutton looked thoughtful.
“Why is everyone confused when I say the fair? Isn’t that one of the most American things?” The amusement was clear in my words, “me, Rip, most of the bunkhouse, and Beth said yes too”
“Shit, if Beth’s going I will. What a good idea, the fair,” he nodded his head as he thought.
“Sweet, leaving at six, I think” I headed to the door.

“Thank you again, John. You know I've never really had much of a father figure in my life, you’re the closest I've found” My voice was quieter than I meant it to be.
“I'm glad I could do that for you, Lainey. If I had to list my favourite children, you’d rank higher than some of them,” he nodded his head to the picture of Jamie.
“Sorry about that”, I felt guilty for putting such a wedge in the family.
“Don’t be, he did it all to himself. You know where I'll always be,” he said before I stepped out of the door.

“You gonna have a smoke with me?” Beth asked.
“Didn’t you just have one?” I replied, confused.
“What are you? The fuckin’ nicotine police? Sit down,” Beth pointed to the chair next to her.

“You’re worried about him, huh?” Beth passed me her lighter.
“You heard?” I asked, half amused.
“Big fuckin’ house and zero privacy, daddy is listening to us right now”, she slouched in her chair.
“I know he’ll get over me, but I know how he shuts off. I don’t want him getting hurt or anything when he loses his shit invetiably” I explained.

“Usually, I'd say Rip Wheeler is a big boy and he’ll be fine, but I can see it in him, too. He’s just as dark as us, he’s going to take it hard” Beth took a drag.
“I thought you were going to fucking reassure me or something” I laughed as I exhaled the smoke.
“We’ve not lied to each other before, why start now?” Beth shrugged.

“I'm so fucking jealous of the girl who gets to have him forever” I confessed my thoughts.
“I can tell you one thing for sure, Lainey, he ain’t ever going to touch another girl” She looked at me like I was stupid.
“Don’t be stupid, he has to. He wants a family, and he deserves that” It pained me to say it out loud.
“He wants a family with you, no one else”, Beth spoke matter-of-factly.

“I'll miss you. Don’t think I've ever met another girl whose brain works the same as mine,” I smiled.
“You mean someone as fucked up as you? I feel the same,” she finished off her glass of Tito’s.
“If you’re ever in England, let me know, other than for the release. If you need to chat at any point, you’ve got my number” I didn’t want to lay it on too thick about the drinking.
“We’ll see each other again, they can’t keep two bitches like us apart. Now go on home to your cowboy,” Beth winked.

I took the long walk back over to our house. Rip would be annoyed at me for it because of any possible dangers he isn’t around to protect me from, but he doesn't have to know. My brain is running at a hundred miles per hour, and I need the quiet just to try and settle it for the next few hours.

In past relationships, I've always managed to withdraw myself from them before the end, so I'm used to being alone instead of having to deal with the shock. I even managed it slightly with James, it’s the mental scars that almost killed me from him.

I've been so lost in my thoughts that I've forgotten I need to pack. Fuck. I'm not going to have time to do it in the morning, I need to do it now as fast as possible, so I can spend as much time with Rip as possible.

I kicked myself for taking the longer route as the house finally came into my vision, fastening my pace more than I wanted to. It’s muggy outside today, and I was already sweating a bit before my steps got faster. Maybe wearing Rip’s shirt and vest wasn’t the best choice, but I just wanted to be wrapped up in him.

As soon as I was through the door, I scanned the front room for anything that was mine and just lying around. God, there's more than I expected. I guess I made myself more comfortable here than I realised. At least Rip won’t have to deal with random camera gear on basically every surface anymore.

I scooped it all up and laid it down on the spare bed. I have to organise it all back in my bag so I can check I haven’t left anything behind. Once I ticked that off, I moved onto my clothes in mine and Rip’s bedroom. I kept out an outfit for tonight and my airport outfit for tomorrow, and the rest I folded to the best of my ability.

I spent the next ten minutes walking around and looking on and under every surface to make sure I had got everything. I can just throw out all my toiletries, I don’t need to take them with me, and it means my case will be lighter.

I found Rip’s new Crocs and started putting photos into the correct frames. I wrote a little note on the back of each photo with a date on there, too, just in case any of them go on to have their own families in the future, all the information and names are on there.

I had to be careful when it came to Rip’s. I picked the photo of us with our matching black eyes, and then of our boots and hats to go in the last two frames. Every time I touch the pen to the back of the photo, tears start falling. I wiped them away and put five Polaroid pictures into the back of one of the frames.

I walked downstairs and set the two frames down on the table; the rest of the photos I printed sat next to them. The Crocs I hid on the chair under the table so Rip couldn’t see them until I wanted him to.

I opened the door to go out onto the porch for a smoke and to text Rip. To my surprise, he was just a few metres away, walking towards the house. His shoulders were more hunched over than usual, like he was carrying the weight of the whole world on them. I blinked back the tears at the sight of it.

“What are you doing, cowboy?” I smiled at him.
“Works done for the day, figured I'd wait here until you text me to come in”, he stood in front of the steps up to the porch.
“Look at you being so well behaved”, I teased.
“Anything for my girl”, he smirked “Can I come home now?”

Before I even had a chance to reply to him, Rip was up the stairs, lifting me in his arms. I threw one of my arms around his neck as he carried me over to his chair on the porch. I felt his muscles relax as he held me against him.

“I've been waiting for this all damn day” Rip spoke quietly.
“I missed you today,” I smiled up at him.
“I'm going to miss you every fuckin’ day, pretty girl” he clamped his jaw shut, hard.
“We have the fair to enjoy, and then we can be sad together. Deal? Deal,” I kissed his cheek.
“You and your fuckin’ deals, baby”, he laughed softly.

We sat in silence for a while, Rip’s fingertips drawing circles on my thigh as I played gently with the curls on the back of his head. Our breathing synced as we melted into each other, just us in our little bubble.

“I gotta shower before we go out, baby”, Rip spoke softly.
“Do you have to?” I half joked.
“I smell pretty damn bad, yes I do unfortunately” Rip laughed at my question.
“You never smell bad, it’s like you were born without that feature”, I pouted.
“Come on, darlin’, I wanna see you waiting for me when I get out” Rip lifted me off him.

Rip walked a step ahead of me so he could open the door for me, a gentleman as always. I took a step back when I watched an emotion I couldn’t translate if I wanted to wash over his face as soon as the door opened.

“Rip? What’s wrong?’’ I asked with concern.
“Baby, everything's gone” His words came out struggled as he scanned the room.
“What do you mean, Rip?” Now I was confused.
“All your stuff. It’s fuckin’ gone,” he took his hat off to run his hand through his hair.

“I'm sorry, I packed up earlier” I don’t know what to say to him.
“Don’t be sorry, baby. I just, I can’t, it just shocked me” his voice is barely a whisper.
“Fuck, Rip I didn’t even think. I just got it done. Come on, go get your shower. All my stuff is still in there,” I tried to joke.
“I'll be quick, can’t miss another minute with you, darlin’”, he attempted to compose himself.

I followed him up the stairs, not wanting to leave him for a second. You could feel the sadness in the air, and I felt like the worst person for packing up on my own instead of when Rip could have been here to help me. It’s the little things you don’t consider that can end up having such a big impact on someone.

I sat on the end of the bed for a moment, just staring at the wall, trying to beg my thoughts to leave me alone until we get back to this bedroom later in the evening. It’s clear it isn’t going to work, and my head is going to continue being my own worst enemy, so I ran out of the room to get the dress I kept out for tonight. I threw it on and sat back down before the shower turned off.

“Have I ever told you how much I fancy you?” I smirked at my man stood there with just a towel around his waist.
“Fancy me? You’re turning all British on me already, baby,” Rip joked.
“I'm convinced you were crafted by the cowboy gods or something, you don’t even have to do anything and you drive me fucking wild” I praised him.
“I could say the same about you baby, the most gorgeous girl on this damn planet” his eyes burnt holes into my skin as he looked me up and down.

“As much as I would love to leave the house with shaky legs, we don’t have time. I have something for you downstairs,” I widened my eyes in anticipation.
“Is this the thing you’ve kept secret from me all day, baby?” Rip narrowed his eyes at me.
“Yes, sir, I'll meet you down there. Means you’ll move faster and won’t pin me to the bed,” I poked my tongue out at him as I left the room.

I heard a hearty laugh come from the bedroom as I walked down the stairs. As soon as I hit the bottom step, I got an overwhelming feeling of not knowing what to do with myself, like my body had started to accept this isn’t my home anymore.

Guess I'll just sit at the kitchen table, it feels awkward, but I can’t think of another place to put myself at this moment. My eyes landed on the photo of us both sitting on the table, and you can see the love in our eyes so clearly. Our love was such an instant connection; we both felt it as soon as our skin touched. I mentally kicked myself for not just falling into his arms immediately, instead, we lost time together.

“Hey there, darlin’”, Rip’s voice interrupted my thoughts.
“Hey there, cowboy. I’ve got some things for you,” I pointed to the seat next to me.
“You didn’t have to get me anything, baby” Rip sat down with a grunt.
“I did. I got you these photos, just because you won’t come out of the stone age, so now you can look at them whenever you want, like I can,” I joked.

Rip exhaled deeply as he grabbed the first photo frame, rubbing his thumb over the picture softly. He just nodded his head slowly as a response. I instinctively rubbed small circles on his strong back as he struggled for words. I grabbed the next one to show him, and it was game over as soon as I heard the breath catch in his throat.

“Do you want me to get rid of them? I just thought it would be nice for you to have” I suddenly felt like a prick for upsetting Rip more.
“Thank you, baby. Shit, you’re enough to make a grown man cry” he joked at his own expense.
“Is it a bad time to tell you I find it hot when a man cries?” I tried to lighten the mood.
“Well shit baby, you ain’t gonna be able to keep your hands off me tonight” he joked back.

I took the photo of us both off the table and opened up the back to show him the secret little present I've left for him. One that Ryan would be right in saying isn’t for little eyes…

“Holy shit” Rip’s eyes opened wide.
“Thought that might make you smile”, I grinned at him.
“My dirty fuckin’ girl”, Rip growled.
“Who needs Snapchat when I could just leave you polaroid nudes?” I laughed.
“Snap what?” Rip flipped through the photos.
“Exactly that, cowboy”, I smirked.

“I've got one more thing to give you”, I raised an eyebrow at him.
“Baby, nothing could beat these”, he bit his finger as he couldn’t take his eyes away from the Polaroids.
“Oh, I think this is going to” I bit back my laugh.

I reached my hand under the table to the chair on the end, grabbing the Rip Wheeler essential black Crocs. I was laughing before I even managed to get them out from under the table, which caught Rip’s attention.

“You’re fuckin’ crazy”, Rip joined in on my laughter.
“Just for you, cowboy. I know how much you’ve been secretly wanting to wear mine all this time. Now you have your very own” I handed them over to him.
“Shit, darlin’ I think we had some type of miscommunication” Rip’s laughter filled the room.
“I know you better than you know yourself. Try 'em on!” I urged him.

Rip shook his head as he looked down at them in his hand before standing up. He might actually be about to try them on; that’s more than I ever expected of him with them. I never doubted he would do anything for me, but this just tops that. I can’t believe what I'm about to see.

“They fit perfectly, baby” Rip held onto the chair as he threw his head back with a laugh.
“Oh fuck yeah cowboy, look how well they suit you” I bit my lip to try and seem any type of serious.
“I hope you’ve never questioned how much you have me wrapped around that damn little finger of yours darlin’” Rip walked into the kitchen in them.
“Check the cupboards and freezer whilst you’re in there”, I shouted.

“What’s all this, honey?” Rip looked confused.
“Now you don’t have to go buy any food for a while if you don’t feel like it”, I smiled softly.
“Baby, what am I going to do without you? You didn’t have to do all of this. Thank you,” Rip ran his palm across his face.
“I know, I wanted to. Couldn’t leave here thinking you didn’t have anything in” I took a deep breath at my words.

“Wait right there, darlin’, I got you something too” A childlike smile appeared on Rip’s face.
“Huh? What did you get me? I don’t need anything,” he took me by surprise.
“Just close your eyes, baby. No peeking,” he looked back over his shoulder as he went to the cupboard under the stairs.

“Make sure they’re closed”, Rip whispered as I heard his footsteps move back towards me.
“They are, I promise” A thud on the table made me jump, but I still kept them closed.
“Open your eyes, baby”, Rip instructed me gently.

My jaw fell to the floor when I saw what was sitting in front of me. An Ariat boot box. I looked up at my cowboy with confusion as he nodded for me to open the box. There they were, the boots I fell in love with. The beautiful pink and grey with the initials RW branded onto the inside pull tabs.

“Rip, you shouldn’t have. Wow,” I admired them.
“Couldn’t let my girl walk around without the boots you wanted” He grinned at me as he watched me look at them in amazement.
“There's something else in the box, too, darlin’”, Rip pointed to the bag I hadn’t noticed in my initial shock.

I reached for the plain black bag, confused by the heaviness of the bag in my hands. I looked at Rip with suspicion as I pulled out the two boxes from inside. Both with a logo I know very well from my time on Main Street. I opened the first box and I can’t believe what I'm seeing.

“Rip, how did you manage this?” I looked at him in shock.
“When I went out for a few hours. Went and picked them up for you, ain’t never seen anything as perfect for someone as this” Rip smiled as he admitted his secret.
“I can’t believe it”, I shook my head.
“Try it on, baby, let me see you with it on”, he urged me.

I felt my eyes well up when I looked down at the perfect turquoise lightning bolt on my finger. I don’t think anyone has ever done something so thoughtful for me before. The smile on Rip’s face tells me he’s pretty happy he snuck out to go and get them, too.

“Thank you so fucking much. God, I love you,” I stood and wrapped my arms around his neck.
“I love you, darlin’, least I could do for you”, he whispered into my ear.
“Rip Wheeler, you are the most perfect man to ever walk this planet” I held his head in my hands.
“I'm only here for you, pretty girl” his eyes burned into mine before leaning in for a kiss.

We headed out to the truck to go and pick some of the guys up from the bunkhouse. Not before I managed to get a picture of Rip in his brand new Crocs, though. I had on my new boots, ring and matching earrings Rip had surprised me with. I never feel amazing about the way I look, but the praise Rip gave me, seeing the outfit all together, had me smiling.

Chapter Text

“Why do we get stuck with these dipshits again?” Rip shouted over to Lloyd.
“Good evening to you, too, Rip”, Ryan said as he jumped in.

“Have you ever been to a fair, Lainey?” Colby asked.
“Yeah, English ones. Always wanted to see an American one, though,” I replied more enthusiastically than I intended to.
“Shit you sound excited”, Walker laughed at me, “ever had a corndog?”
“No, but ask me again on the way back,” I grinned.

I turned the music up as we set off, filling the car with country music. Rip’s hand on my thigh, the window down, and the summer air drifting in felt like heaven on earth. It’s hard to believe this is the life people live every day and take for granted. Doing this down the M62 is not going to hit the same at all.

It was a shorter drive than I anticipated, which I was slightly sad about. I love driving through all the greenery around here. Oh well, it means more time with my cowboy tonight to cherish the feeling of his skin on mine.

“Do I need to explain the rules, or do you remember them from last time? Ain’t no half day tomorrow, so try and make a clever decision” Rip used his usual stern tone with them, and I had to hide my smile.
“Gotcha, I never want to feel another hangover like I did that day anyway”, Ryan assured with a salute in Rip’s direction.

“Come on, cowboy. Show me around, I'm hungry” I gave Rip a quick peck.
“Oh, baby, you have all the American food you can think of right at your fingertips” Rip looked amused at my excitement.
“They got fried pickles?” I wiggled my eyebrows.
“All the weird pickle things you could think of, darlin’, let's go” Rip hopped out to come and get my door.

We walked in hand in hand, and I took a quick picture of it. I want to be able to look back and hopefully feel the safety I feel at this moment whenever I need it. No one would ever be able to get close to me if Rip had his way.

This fair is bigger than I expected, there is 90s country humming in the air mixed with screams from people on the rides above us. Rides I have no interest on getting on, those things fold out of a damn suitcase. I just want some food, silly games, and then listening to my favourite band with my man.

We headed straight to the food vendors. If I'm hungry, I know Rip is too. That man has an insatiable hunger for food, and well, me. We got two of the biggest slices of pizza I've ever seen, fried pickles and a corndog. It made me smile seeing some people walk past us with a confused look on their face, as if saying no fuckin’ way have I just seen Rip Wheeler smile.

“What have I gotta do to get you on that big wheel, baby?” Rip asked with a smirk.
“Fuck, I was hoping you weren’t going to mention that. Win me one of those giant teddies?” an impossible task.
“You pick the game and I'll give it my best shot”, Rip smiled.
“It only counts if you don’t threaten them into giving you it, Rip” I gave him a stern look.
“Shit, fine. Whatever you say, baby,” he laughed as he grabbed my hand.

The first game I picked was just tossing the bag into the hole, the one that's fixed with an impossible angle so you can’t win. It worked too, Rip got two out of three in, and I worried for the young guy working its safety at one point.

I felt a little bad for setting him such a hard task; if he just asked me to go on without asking what he had to do, I probably would have. Will he end up with my nails dug into his hands in fear? Absolutely, but I'll do it to see that heart-melting smile of his. I don’t even have space to bring a giant stuffed animal home with me.

“You pick the next game” I laughed at the pissed off look still on Rip’s face.
“Ain’t no one winning these games, can’t see a single person with one of those bears” Rip looked around.
“Don’t get grumpy over kids' games, old man. You pick” I was really laughing now.
“I'll show you old man, darlin’”, he smirked.

Rip led me over to the game of his choice, the classic knock 'em down metal cans. At this moment, he’s going to have the force behind his throws, he isn’t going to let some stupid fair ground game beat him. The look on his face warned off the guy running it as Rip handed over the cash. I smiled at the guy to let him know he isn’t going to be attacked.

I took a step back to video him. I need to be able to see this expression on his face whenever I'm in a bad mood, it's guaranteed to bring a smile. He knocked the first one down perfectly, and the second one was slightly touchy, but it went down. This is where he failed on the last one, so I can see the focus building on his face.

He threw the last little bag, and it knocked them down perfectly. Rip hesitated for a second, then threw his arms up in the air in celebration, a reaction I never expected to see from him. I was laughing out of amusement at him and also happiness that we didn’t have to go through that again with another one.

“Give me that fuckin’ pink bear”, Rip demanded.
“There you go, sir”, the young guy said, handing it over, not making eye contact with Rip.
“There you go, baby. What my girl wants, my girl gets. Now it’s big wheel time,” Rip grinned.

This is my idea of hell, I'm pretty sure I can hear the screws coming lose on it as we stand here in the line. Rip, however, doesn’t look like he has a care in the world at this moment. I love it when he seems at peace, a childlike quality to him that makes my heart feel like it’s about to burst.

I hesitated on getting into our little hell trap, but Rip pulled me in behind him. There was no way he was going to let me escape it after all the effort he had put in. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as we started going up.

“Baby, I ain’t going to let anything happen” Rip couldn’t hide his smile at my fear.
“As much as I usually believe that, you aren’t in charge of this thing” I squeezed his hand as tightly as possible as it started rocking slightly.
“Take a picture of us up here”, Rip nudged me.

I got my phone out with the shakiest of hands before I had to pass it over to the man who had never once held a phone to take a selfie. He looked like he’d just been given brain surgery to do, which brought out a smile on my face. He figured out what button to press, and I tried to pretend like I wasn’t fearing for my life.

There's no way Rip isn’t going to have marks on him from the strength I've put into gripping onto him as we made our way back down the other side. The wind is not helping the fear, and Rip can’t hold his laughter back.

“Thank fuck for that” I took a deep breath as I touched the ground again.
“I've never seen you so quiet as when you were up there”, Rip let out a hearty laugh.
“You better not even doubt how much I fucking love you” I shook my head.
“Never for a moment, pretty girl”, Rip kissed the side of my head.

We headed towards the stage to try and find the rest of the group ready for the music to start. To say there are so many of us here, it took us a good few minutes to finally find John and Beth sitting down towards the front of the crowd.

“Do you think I should give Tate the bear? I'm not going to be able to take it home with me,” I smiled sadly at Rip.
“Sure thing, baby, just let me get a picture of you with it first” Rip looked pretty happy with his newfound photography skills.
“Of course you can, cowboy”, I handed him my phone.

As he got me in the frame how he wanted, the rest of the wranglers appeared behind him. They were quiet, with smiles on their face as they watched how hard Rip was focusing on me and this giant pink bear.

“You about to be out of business, Lainey?” Ryan spoke once Rip nodded approval at himself.
“Shut the fuck up”, was all Rip responded with.
“Come on, pass me the phone and let me take one of you both”, Ryan smiled.

Rip handed it over to him and came by my side, wrapping a hand around my waist protectively. I leant my head to rest on his chest as I smiled one of the most genuine smiles I've ever felt. This right here is perfect.

We walked over to John and Beth, who were sharing a flask of something, either whiskey or Tito's, if I had to guess. We all sat down on the grass and chatted about how our nights had been so far. Everyone had content smiles on their faces, which made my soul happy. My dysfunctional little family.

“Hey Tate, Rip won you something”, I shouted over when he, Kayce and Monica walked over.
“For me? Really? Mom, look at that!” Tate beamed as I handed over the bear that was almost bigger than him.
“Really. You have to give it a name, though Tate” Rip smiled at the boy.
“Hmmm, Lainey is a good name. You’re going, and the bear just got here, so you can swap places,” Tate looked impressed with his thinking.
“That's a great name, buddy”, Rip squeezed me.

Just as the sun started sending out beautiful oranges and pinks across the sky, 49 Winchester hit the stage. I lay back against Rip as he had one arm across me, as I lit a cigarette. I couldn’t have asked for a better last night out here. This might be one of the best nights of my entire life. The music and happiness filled the air. Rip held me tighter with every word they sang.

And if you wonder where my heart is when I'm out on the road
It's right at home, I left it honey just for you to hold
And if you wonder how I'm doin' know that I am doin' fine
But I wish I were in Virginia on the Russell County linе

We pulled back up to the bunkhouse, and I couldn’t shake the feeling of being in a dream. That was the most beautiful way to spend a night, in the arms of my man, watching my favourite band as the sun set around us. I wish I could spend every night of my life in that exact way, just surrounded by happiness.

“We joining them, darlin’?” Rip broke me out of my thoughts.
“Yeah, just for a little bit. Promised I'd beat their asses at cards one last time” I smiled at him softly.
“I've been looking forward to seeing this”, Rip grinned.

We followed in behind the rest of the guys, spirits were good after a few drinks had been had at the fair. No one was too intoxicated, which means they’re not going to have any excuse for losing each time.

Everyone took their usual seats. There's a weird, unspoken rule about who gets what seat in here, so I always just wait until everyone else is seated so I don’t mess it up. Lloyd gets the head of the table. He did try to offer it to Rip, but he declined. I find it funny that at one point in time, this will have been Rip’s house too, before he took over from Lloyd as foreman. Rip took the spare chair and pulled me onto him, something I'm never going to complain about.

“No fair, Rip is going to help you”, Jimmy exclaimed.
“When the fuck have I ever needed help?” I bit back.
“She’s right, Jimmy, that was a dumb thing to say,” Colby laughed.
“He’s gonna cry regardless, are we ready?” I raised an eyebrow.

Lloyd shuffled and dealt out the cards, so they couldn’t accuse me of cheating if I did it. I can’t lie, I would never have considered myself an amazing card player, but since playing with these guys, I'm either just lucky or they’re just not as good as any of the people I've played with in England.

By the end of the first game, I could feel Rip’s grin without even looking at him. I thought I was bad for mocking people when I was winning, but I didn’t even need to open my mouth; he was doing all the trash talk for me.

“I've only got one more round left in me, last chance to beat me, Jimmy”, I teased.
“Fuck this game honestly, I know you’re cheating I just don’t know how” his frustration made me laugh more.
“What are you accusing my girl of?” Rip snapped his head in Jimmy’s direction.
“Nothing, sorry Rip”, Jimmy looked afraid, which made us all laugh harder.

I'm battling the thoughts of actually letting Jimmy win or making sure I go out in a blaze of glory. Glory and bragging rights sound a lot better, my spirit here will live on in the frustrations he doesn’t have the ability to keep to himself.

As soon as I lifted my cards, Rip laughed, catching everyone's attention. I nudged him as a way to tell him to shut up, but I couldn’t hide the smile on my face either. There wasn’t a way I'd have even been able to let Jimmy win, I have them all in the palm of my hand.

“Fuck yeah, Lainey” Lloyd shouted as I put my last winning card down.
“Can you at least tell me how you do it? You’re leaving, so it doesn’t matter if I know,” Jimmy said.
“Fuck no, you have to learn like the rest of us” Lloyd shut him down.
“Wouldn’t have had it any other way, Lanes”, Ryan smiled.

Just as Rip and I were about to stand to leave, Lloyd interrupted and told me to stay put while he grabbed me something. I have no idea what it could be, but all the guys seemed to have coy smiles on their faces, which made me suspicious.

“You’re one of us, couldn’t have you leaving without one of these,” Lloyd said, handing me a box.
“Holy shit, that’s so cool. Thank you guys so much,” I admired the Yellowstone-branded belt buckle.
“Now you and Rip can match even fuckin’ more”, Walker laughed.

“You all have something else for me, time to hand over those disposable cameras”, I reminded them.
“You still gonna put some of them in the project?” Colby asked as he handed it over.
“If any of them are usable, then for sure. I'll send them all over when I get them developed,” I explained as the rest of them found theirs.
“I have one photo left, lemme get one of you guys”, Ethan said.

My hatred of photos of myself had calmed since being here, mainly because it’s rare someone can take one of me that doesn’t involve having Rip wrapped around me in some way. It’s going to be one hell of a gut punch when I have to go through all of them.

The drive back to our house was quiet, both of us knowing what was about to come. It feels like if I speak, then we’re both just going to fall apart, and even though it’s going to happen at some point in the next few hours, I would like to try and have just a bit of normal for a little bit longer.

Rip opened the door for us, and I followed him in. I stood for a second, not quite sure where to put myself and hoping I could just follow Rip’s lead. I watched him walk over to the sink and pour himself a glass of water. He leant on his arms, both sides of the sink.

“You ready to have the conversation, baby?” he asked without turning around.
“No”, my voice was barely audible.
“We have to at some point tonight”, I could hear the pain in his words.
“I know. Can we just have the next hour without it?” I practically begged.
“If that’s what you want, baby”, he finally turned to look at me.
“Take me to bed, cowboy”, I tilted my head at him with a smile.

That was all I needed to say. Rip walked across the room and closed the space between us. Lifting me into his arms and carrying me up to the bedroom. A small laugh escaped my mouth as he looked down at me in his arms. His favourite place for me to be.

He let me down gently on the bed, and I smiled up at him for just a moment before reaching up and pulling him down with me. Rip smirked as I rolled over to straddle him, his erection already visible in his jeans.

“Let’s go slow, baby” Rip leant up, his weight on his elbows.
“Whatever you want, cowboy”, I held his head in my hands.

I leaned in to place a gentle kiss on his lips, his so soft against mine. We took a second between each kiss, taking in the sight of each other, completely surrendered and wanting nothing other than to be touching.

One of Rip’s hands found its way to the back of my head, holding me against him to deepen the kiss. Our tongues softly gliding against each other, the sensation making my hips buck against him.

“Keep moving like that and it ain’t going to be very slow baby”, Rip laughed against my lips.
“It’s your fault, I can’t help it” I smiled as I moved against the outline of his dick.

The kiss got needier as his hands started gently moving around my body, gripping in the areas he knows will make me gasp. My hands moved to the buttons of his pearl snap, slowly popping them off until I could push his shirt off his shoulders.

I sat back slightly to take in the sight of him. That strong chest that drives me fucking wild, the almost black hair that decorates it and the stripe that runs from his stomach down into his boxers.

Rip took advantage of me being too distracted looking at him and pulled my dress over my head in one quick movement, throwing it across the room. This is where I would have felt so self-conscious with anyone else, but Rip’s expression takes any worry out of my mind.

“Fuck baby, look at you. Fuckin’ beautiful,” he said, sitting back so he could look over every inch of me.

I sat back further so I could start undoing that buckle of his, whose imprint had only just let the inside of my thigh. If it were up to me, its mark would stay there forever. Once I got it open, both of our patience disappeared.

I jumped off him to take my underwear off as quickly as possible, as he did the same with his jeans and boxers. The floor is covered in our scattered clothing, neither of us caring, just wanting each other.

I fell back onto the bed, taking advantage of my last time seeing Rip Wheeler in all of his glory, his dick twitching against his stomach as he walked over to the bed. Words didn’t need to be said right now, it was clear in both of our eyes how much emotion we’re holding back.

Before I could blink, he was on top of me, my legs wrapping around his waist, pulling him closer to me. Rip lined himself up with my entrance, moving slowly against me to help me get ready to take him. My mouth fell open with a gasp as soon as the head of his dick brushed against my clit.

“Always so ready for me, aren’t you, baby?” Rip whispered in my ear.
“Always”, I whispered back.

Cusses flew out of my mouth as Rip started opening me up, I don’t think I would have ever got used to the size of his dick when he first tries to get it inside. He pulled out to spit on it for extra lubrication. It works twice as good as he thinks because watching him spit turns me on more than I could explain.

He held my head with both of his hands as he started thrusting slowly, looking so deep into my eyes, I was afraid of what he might see. His lips were parted as he breathed deeply as my pussy squeezed around him.

I closed my eyes, ruining the eye contact. I could feel the emotions building up inside of me, and I didn’t want to ruin the moment by speaking. We’ve had all kinds of sex, but this is the most intimate I've ever felt beneath him.

“Look at me, baby”, Rip spoke softly.

I shook my head silently.

“Open your eyes, pretty girl. I want to see you, I've got you,” he gently stroked my face with his thumb.

I opened them slowly, making contact with his beautiful blue ones, I've spent so long getting lost in. I reached a hand up to cup his face, his head falling into my touch. I gasped as he changed his angle, brushing against my G-spot in just the right way.

We stayed this way for I don’t even know how long, just lost in each other's eyes and the feeling of our bodies moving with each other. No words needed to be said, just gasps and moans filling the silence.

I felt Rip’s movements become sloppier as he got close, never breaking eye contact as he moved one hand down to my clit. Drawing slow circles as both of our breathing got deeper and more moans escaped.

I squeezed my eyes shut as I fell apart around him, the most earth-shattering orgasm I've ever had. My whole body felt like it was hovering above the bed, every nerve alive. I opened my eyes back up to Rip staring down at me as if taking a picture with his mind.

“Baby, I'm close”, he whispered.

His voice broke my last bit of composure, and I felt my lip start to wobble. All the acknowledgement of this being our last time together threatened to spill over. I pulled his head down to kiss me as he let go inside of me.

We lay still for a moment before Rip stood to make his way to the bathroom. I don’t want to be apart from him for one second right now, but I did need this moment to try and compose myself slightly, as I know these next few hours are going to give me a pounding headache from the crying I'm about to do. I can hear Rip taking deep breaths in the bathroom.

“I'm telling you now to get it out of the way. I've asked Ryan to take me to the airport tomorrow. I'm sorry,” my words came out faster than I intended.
“Baby, do you want to explain that to me? Before I go outside and smash something, or his fuckin’ face,” Rip stopped himself before getting back into bed.
“I know if you take me, I'll never get on that plane. I don’t think I'd even be able to get out of the car, and I need to go, cowboy” The first tear started making its way down my face.

I can’t tell if Rip’s legs gave way or if the emotion flowing through him spun his head too much, but by the force he sat on the end of the bed, I don’t even want to know the answer. Looking at him with his head in his hands, I have never felt like a worse person than I do in this moment.

“Why do you have to go, baby?” his voice came out so quietly.
“You know why I have to. It’s breaking my heart, Rip, to do it and to see you like this, but I have to go. I would always have to go, if I didn’t go tomorrow, I would still have to at some point. If I stayed a week longer, I would just be longing out the pain” I'm not sure if I even believe my own words now.

“I could build you a studio right here, darlin’, you could even go on rodeo tours or something and come home to me. I just need you to come home to me” His voice shook with every word.
“Rip, come here. We’re not going to sleep, so please come and lie with me” I moved the covers off his side of the bed.
“I don’t think I'm going to get any sleep for a long time,” He whispered.
“Please, Rip, if we’re going to have this conversation, can I please do it in your arms?” I pleaded with the broken man in front of me.

I watched as he slowly moved his head from his hands, letting it fall back onto his shoulders instead. Looking up at the ceiling as if hoping for a miracle to come out of it. He’s never been a religious man, but I think both of us would be grateful if something came from the sky and fixed our problems.

“Tell me what your dream would be? For us?” I need something to bring him back to me.
“Oh, baby” he let out the smallest laugh, “I dream about it every damn day. Getting to go to sleep next to you every night, kissing you and our babies goodbye every morning before work. Tripping over fuckin’ kids' toys as I try to put my boots on quietly. Watching that light in your eyes when you find that perfect picture, the same eyes our little girl would have. Coming home to you smilin’ with that ring on your finger, just so damn happy to see me”
“Oh, fuck, beautiful man” my vision is foggy from my tears.

“Tell me yours, darlin’?” he finally turned to look at me.
“I've never had dreams, now it seems like a sick joke that I look at you and see them. I see that curly-haired little boy running around giving everyone hell just like his daddy. I see your smirk every time he sneaks out a curse word. I get to feel safe every single day because you’re always here. I see more nights in your truckbed, all the sunsets we could ever imagine tucked up against you. We’d be damn fucking happy, cowboy” I gave my best attempt at a smile.

“These dreams live and die with you, baby” Rip finally moved up the bed next to me.
“Don’t do that. I want to be able to know you’re happy, know you got your happily ever after, Rip” It physically pained me to say.
“There ain’t no fuckin’ happily ever after without you next to me”, he laid so I could rest my head on his chest, my favourite place.

“You deserve the family, the wife and the kids. I can’t take that from you,” I let out a sigh to try and hide the urge to sob.
“I lied to you, darlin’, when I said I'd do anything for you. I can’t do that, I'll never fuckin’ do that. If it ain’t you, it ain’t anyone,” Rip sniffed as he tried to hold back his tears.

“All I want is for you to be happy, that smile on your face every single day. It’s killing me to even think about it, but you deserve it, baby. You deserve to have someone who loves as deeply as you do. I wish more than anything it could be me. You have to forget me” I can feel my heart breaking with every word I say.
“Forget you? Baby, that isn’t fuckin’ possible. I can’t forget you” He tilted my head with his fingers to look up at him, “I will think about you every day for the rest of my fuckin’ life”

We had been talking for over two hours now, I say talking, but it's more just broken sentences between sobs from me. Every stray tear that rolls down from his beautiful blue eyes shatters my heart a little bit more. I hate myself for doing this to him. I should never have let it happen. I will never love someone again, my heart starts and ends with Rip Wheeler. There isn’t a soul on this planet that could ever compare to him.

“We could write a letter to each other sometimes?” Rip asked shyly.
“I would love that, cowboy. The thought of never hearing from you again makes me sick. You can stop when you find someone” I made a weak attempt at wiping the tears from my cheeks.
“I've already told you I'm not gonna do that, baby. You can stop when you find someone, it won’t be hard for you. Those damn English boys will be falling over for you, pretty girl” Rip’s voice cracking as he spoke made me squeeze him harder.

“That’s not something you have to worry about. I found you, I found my one great love. I'm never going to find someone else, you have been it for me. My entire heart belongs to you, Rip Wheeler, you could brand your initials into that too,” I half laughed.
“That heart of yours is too fuckin’ big to just leave it with me. You’ll find someone, I just hope they look after you. Make you feel safe” I'm unsure if he knows his grip on me gets tighter with every word he says that hurts him to speak.

“Nothing or no one will ever make me feel as safe as you have. You’ve given me every single thing I've ever wanted in life. All the love and safety I didn’t even know I was yearning for until you showed me it.” I looked him right in the eyes as I spoke.
“Baby, this is killing me. I don’t know how I'll sleep not knowing you’re safe” Rip’s breaths are shaky.
“You can ask Ryan or all of the guys have my social media. You can ask me in our letters, too, how about that?” I tried to rest his fears.

I'm not sure how much more time has passed, but the aching in my chest is getting heavier and heavier, knowing every passing minute is a minute closer to saying goodbye to my man forever. I reached over to set an alarm on my phone, so I don’t have oversleeping as an excuse to miss my flight.

“I love you so so so much, cowboy. More than you could ever even know, my heart beats for you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me” The tiredness is clear in my voice now.
“Darlin’, I didn’t exist until I saw you for the first time. Every fuckin’ bit of me is yours. Live every day knowing how much I love you” Rip’s voice is slow now, just like mine.

I drifted off to the feeling of soft kisses being placed on my forehead.

The sound of the horrific iPhone alarm blared through the room, dragging me out of my sleep. I'm not sure that was even an hour's worth of sleep. We’re still lying in the same position, one of my legs and arms wrapped around Rip as my head lies on his chest. I know he’s awake by his breathing.

“Did you sleep?” I slowly looked up at him, and I only got a slow head shake as a response.
“Are you okay?” I asked, and he closed his eyes as he shook his head again.
“I don’t know what to say, other than I'm so fucking sorry” I watched two perfect tears move slowly down his handsome face.

“Give me a kiss, baby, one last kiss in our bed”, he just about managed to get the words out.

Our lips touched gently, almost as if we were both afraid of breaking each other. We were barely hanging on right now, but our need to touch has never faded. There is so much sadness laced in the kiss, usually, they’re needy, but this is a heartbreaking feeling. One I could never manage to describe.

I'm moving on complete autopilot as I double-check all of the rooms in the house to make sure I haven’t left anything behind as Rip gets dressed. Looking across the living room and kitchen feels like someone is repeatedly kicking me in the stomach. I'm so laced with guilt and sadness that it’s the only thing keeping me standing up right.

I stood completely still as Rip carried my case and bags downstairs, his eyes red as he carried them like the weight was non-existent. Those arms that have held me every single day for what feels like forever. Those arms I'm never going to feel again.

“Gonna put them in the truck, give you a minute to say goodbye to our house” Rip’s eyes stayed focused on the floor as he walked out.

This is it. The only real home I've ever had in my life. A house that was so full of happy memories now feels like a haunted house. All the energy and love it’s always felt filled with, and now it just seems empty and dark. I looked around one final time, my eyes falling on the photo of me and Rip still sitting on the table. I mouthed a silent thank you as I walked out the door for the final time.

I lit a cigarette as Rip walked back over from loading the truck bed with my bags. He didn’t have to say a word as he sat down in his seat, I was on his knee within a second. One last cuddle on the porch.

“I don’t think I even need to tell you how much I'm going to miss you. My soul and body will crave you every single day for the rest of my life, cowboy,” I whispered as I took a drag.
“I'm going to wait here for you every single day for the rest of my life, baby. If you ever want to find me, I'll be right here just waiting for you to come home,” Rip whispered back.

Before I knew it, we were in Rip’s truck driving over to the main house. As it comes into view, I can see everyone waiting around for us, a couple of minutes behind schedule because neither of us wanted to move from that chair.

“I can’t watch you drive away, baby” Rip’s voice sounded slightly panicked.
“You don’t have to. We’ve said most of our goodbyes, you can drive away before you have to see it. Go home and get some sleep,” I tried to calm him with a hand on his leg.
“I don’t think I can watch you say bye to everyone else, too,” he continued, looking ahead as we parked.
“That’s okay, Rip” I gently moved his head to look at me, tears flowing from behind his sunglasses.

“So, this is goodbye?” his voice broke again.
“I don’t want to say those words to you. I'm going to tell you I love you, kiss you and get out. Is that okay?” I want nothing more than to take him home and look after him.

“I love you, Rip Wheeler. Please be careful, don’t do anything stupid or reckless, I'm begging you” I held his head in my hands.
“Darlin’”, he stopped to take a deep breath, “I love you so fuckin’ much”

We shared one small kiss. One that felt like the most meaningful one we’ve ever shared. Then we were out of the truck.

I walked over to Beth as Rip unloaded my bags into Ryan's truck. Without saying a word, he was back in his truck, reversing out and speeding off along the gravel.

I watched him drive off towards our home, seeing the confusion on everyone's face once his truck disappeared below the hill. I hate being pitied, and it’s clear no one quite knows what to say to me after that.

“I'm okay, we agreed on it. Made it easier for us both” I tried to laugh.

Lloyd was the first person who came up to me, wrapping his arms around me.

“He isn’t doing well, please can you check on him later. He’s not going to be as angry if it’s you,” I whispered to the older cowboy.
“I've got him, sweetheart, don’t you worry. I just hope there's someone at home who’s going to look out for you,” he hugged me tighter.

I felt like I was moving along a conveyor belt of people saying personalised goodbyes. It means a lot that they all came over to make sure they said goodbye, but right now I just want to shut my eyes and go to sleep and hope it’s all one big nightmare. One that I'll wake up from, and I'll still have weeks left here.

“I'll see you both soon, England isn’t going to be as impressive to see when you’re used to all of this”, I joked to John and Beth.
“Gonna miss you around here, Lainey” John gave me a big hug.
“Can’t believe I'm going to be on my own again with these bastards”, Beth laughed.

“It’s been a blast. Thank you all for having me here, I wish I could stay forever,” I addressed them all with as big of a smile as I could muster.

All of our heads swung around at the sound of an engine.

Rip.

The truck skidded to a stop as he jumped out and ran towards me. Lifting me in his arms as he swung me around. He grabbed my head gently as he pulled me towards his lips, immediately deepening the kiss.

“You’re going to do amazing, baby, the whole world is going to love your photos. If anyone doesn’t, then I'm going to fuckin’ kill them. I can’t wait to see it. I'm going to get one of these to track your flight or something. I love you,” he gave me his signature smirk as he wiped the stray tear from my face.

“God, I love you, cowboy”

Everything from that point on felt like a blur. The journey to the airport felt like it took ten minutes, and then Ryan was lifting my case down for me.

“Don’t you fucking dare ghost me” I laughed as Ryan went in for a hug.
“I wouldn’t dream of it, Alien” he looked at me with a smile.
“Look after Rip for me. Keep me updated on you and Abby. Just keep me updated on everything, please,” I gave him a stern look.
“I will, I will, now go get on that flight. Gonna miss ya,” Ryan let go of me.

I feel like I'm just floating through the world as I go through the airport. Nothing feels real. Leaving behind my one true home.

As soon as I sat on the plane, I shut my eyes.

“Cabin crew prepare for landing in Manchester” woke me up from my sleep.

Chapter Text

Manchester, UK - 1 week since

I've made the biggest mistake of my life.

It’s one week to the day, that I fucked up bigger than I ever have before.

I feel physical pain throughout my body at how much I miss Rip. I knew it would be rough, but this is more than I ever anticipated. From the moment I stepped foot on that plane, I knew I had made the wrong decision, and my body seems to be punishing me for it with every second I'm awake.

I'm awake a lot, too. I can’t function without Rip, and that includes sleeping. All those nights of being held as close to him as possible whilst we slept are haunting me every single night. I've spent the entire week in bed, my safe place, or at least it used to be. My safe place is in my cowboy’s arms and I fucked it up so bad that I'll never get to feel that feeling of safety and love ever again.

My phone lit up the dark bedroom, a call coming through. I pulled my eyes away from the ceiling. I have spent hours staring at it already today. It’s my agent, Vanessa, and I press the red button, which has become my new best friend this week.

I don’t want to talk to anyone who isn’t Rip; that’s what I've lived by all week so far. She knows me well enough to forgive me, that whatever I'm dealing with, I’ll still get the work done. That’s always been the case, but my camera bag has been sitting in the same spot in the hall where I dropped it when I first got home.

A sickly feeling forms in my stomach every time I think of going through the photos and seeing so many of that handsome face staring back at me. If I look at those hauntingly beautiful blue eyes, they might be the last thing I ever see.

I focus my eyes back on the ceiling. I could describe every centimetre of it if I found the energy to speak to a human. If this phone doesn’t stop lighting up, then I might throw it against a wall. Every time I'm reminded of life outside the walls of my apartment, all I can think of is what Rip might be up to at this moment.

Vanessa: Lainey, are you okay?
Vanessa: Stop ignoring my calls
Vanessa: This isn’t like usual, let me know you’re alive, or I'm coming round

I rolled my eyes at the dramatics of it, but I appreciate that people are looking out for me. I guess anyone who has concerns is mainly worried that I might be drinking myself to death in my bedroom. We've been there before, so I suppose I do owe her some kind of confirmation that I'm okay.

Me: I'm okay, just need some time. Working on the photos.

A tiny lie has never hurt anyone, right? In my defence, I did spend some time editing whilst I was there, so I could send some of them over if she doesn’t believe me. I just hope that isn’t the case; I don’t want to see anything to do with that ranch today. I know I have to eventually, just not today.

I pull the covers off myself and walk into the bathroom. Shit, I look like a literal ghost. I thought I'd caught a tan from spending every day in the Montana sun, but my skin is almost translucent with horrific eye bags, just adding to the dead look.

I need to get my shit together, I could lay here and rot all day forever, but that’s not going to somehow transport me back to Montanna where I can beg Rip to take me back. I'm sorry for breaking your heart and ruining your life, but I'm back now. That’s never going to happen.

I could start with opening my camera bag and putting everything back in the right place for when I'm ready to get started. It sounds like the hardest task I've ever heard of at this moment, but at least I can pat myself on the back for actually doing something today.

I grabbed the bag and dropped it in my office. I pressed play on my playlist and set myself a three-song time limit. I'm the best at sitting down halfway through a task and procrastinating, but I'm not going to do that today. Once I'm done, I can get back into my pit of depression.

To my surprise, I was done just as the third song started. I looked around the room at everything back in its correct place and felt slightly accomplished. That’s how boring your life is now, I thought to myself.

Fuck it, if I can do that then I can empty my suitcase too. I do need to mentally prep myself for a moment first, these are items that have actually been touched by Rip. I know each piece of clothing is going to bring back a wave of memories, but I can’t put it off any longer.

I spotted my speaker and turned it on; this task, I'm going to need more distraction from. I'm not sure what time it is, but from Vanessa’s texts then I would imagine it’s a decent time that isn’t going to send my neighbours around banging on my door.

I rolled the suitcase into the office, letting it fall with more of a thud than I intended. I pushed one side over after unzipping the main zip. The choice of which side to open first seems like a mammoth task; left first seems to make sense.

Fuck. It feels like all of the air has just been sucked out of my lungs. Rip’s signature barn jacket is folded perfectly on top of all of my clothes. The tears started falling as the smell of him hit me. I picked it up and sobbed into it. This is the closest I've felt to him since leaving.

The minutes passed by as I sat on the floor like a crazy person, cradling this jacket against me. I wiped my tears and noticed something else underneath where it was placed. One of Rip’s black long-sleeve t-shirts and underneath that, his black pearl snap. He must have snuck them in there when he brought them downstairs. I can’t breathe.

I can’t do this. I need to get away. My legs are moving before any thought makes its way through my brain. My hands are grabbing all of my essentials and throwing them into a bag. Every time I move, I can smell Rip on me, it feels like it’s suffocating me. A cruel joke from the universe, I can feel Rip around me, but I can’t reach out and touch him.

I threw on some joggers, a t-shirt and a hat and grabbed my car keys before walking out the door. I got one final glance of Rip’s jacket lying on the floor as I shut the door behind me. God, I hope no one is in the lift. I haven’t seen another person in a week, I fear they might call someone to rid the apartment block of demons by the state of what I look like.

Shit, I didn’t even consider that my car has just been sat for two months. It better not let me down now, I need out of this city. I need to go somewhere that isn’t filled with memories of the love of my life.

I closed my eyes as I turned the key in the ignition, prepared for the worst. If it came to it, I would rather just sit in here all night than go back into the flat today. My eyes flew open as it turned over straight away. I love this car.

I put the address into Maps and it told me I have just over two hours to my destination. I turned the music up as loud as it would go and put my foot down; the sight of my block behind me as I drove made me feel guilty. Almost like I'm leaving Rip all over again, except it’s just items of his clothing strewn out on the floor of my office.

It’s fifteen minutes into the drive, and I've cried three times so far, every song reminds me of him. I've never driven without music, but I think that might have to be how I spend the rest of the journey. It’s like all of my favourite songs are written about him.

I've tried driving in silence for the past hour, but that isn’t working either. Rip Wheeler has consumed every part of my brain, the only thoughts I have are of him. The look on his face as his truck pulled up to the main house is permanently burned into my brain, along with the guilt that comes with it. Part of me hopes he’s moved on and isn’t feeling this pain, just forgot about me. Another selfish part hopes he’s feeling some of this sadness too, bonded together forever through the pain.

I guess I should tell someone where I'm going. I didn’t think to do that before getting into the car. Doing this means I ruin my streak of managing to ignore everyone in my life whilst I rot away. Here goes nothing.

“Hi Lainey, what are you up to?” My mum's voice came over the speaker.
“Hey, I'm driving home right now” My voice came out croaky, I haven’t spoken in days.
“Why are you doing that?” she sounded confused.
“Needed a break, thought it would be good to catch up with everyone. Any chance you’re at least free to get tea or something? I know I can’t stay over,” I asked sheepishly.

“Not on this short notice, we’re going for tea tonight”, she replied with no emotion.
“Oh, okay. Can I still come back next week?” I tried my best not to sound hurt.
“Let me get back to you on that closer to the time. Anyway, I bet you have a lot of work to do,” she tried to ease the blow at least.
“Yeah, I do, it would just have been nice to see you. I'll call in to see Nanna. Talk to you later,” I ended the call.

Well, that went just as smoothly as I expected it to. The issue is, these moods change depending on what her man is doing at the time. I could speak to her tomorrow, and she would want nothing more than for me to come home for a bit, but clearly, right now, that isn’t the case.

It’s been like this my whole life. I never know if I'm coming or going, and it's probably what has given me such weird attachment issues. I can imagine Rip’s face if he heard that conversation, all he would have wanted to do is wrap me up in his arms and let me know how loved I am.

That isn’t happening anymore. The one person who has truly loved me isn’t here to pick me up off the floor. I've always fought my brain on its pure nonsensical thinking, but I can’t believe it led me to pick being here over being with that man. What do I even have here?

My own mother doesn’t even want me around, it’s been closer to three months now since I last saw her. She sees my sister every day, but I've always been the last choice. Just because I won’t forgive the pece of shit she claims she loves for everything he’s done to me and her, I'm the bad guy.

The sudden full-body caving of a glass or full bottle of Jameson hit me. It feels like every ounce of my body only exists for the sole purpose of feeling that burning feeling in the back of my throat. I hate it when this happens; my brain is wired for failure. I'm genetically put together to fall into addiction, just like my father.

I tried to ignore it as the feeling gets stronger the closer to home I get. I turned the music back on. I don’t care if I cry anymore, I just need to escape my thoughts for a little while. The way Rip looked after me that night was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I don’t know what's stronger now, the urge for alcohol or the urge to just call him.

I pulled up to my first stop of this trip, a care home, to see my nanna on my mum's side. I took a few deep breaths before getting out of the car. I don’t know how I'm meant to hold a full face-to-face conversation.

I lit a cigarette as I accepted that I'd made another mistake by coming here. Being in this town when I'm in a bad mental state is never the answer; I should have learnt that by now. Instead, I watch the seagulls fly by over my head.

“Lainey!” my nanna greeted me, a surprised smile on her face.
“How are you doing?” I bent down to hug her.
“I've been better”, she half laughed, “tell me about your trip”
“Tell me about you properly first”, I managed to find a smile for her.

I'm so stupid, it didn’t even occur to me that everyone was just going to want to hear about the last two months of my life. That feeling of needing a drink started burning inside of me again. Rip would be disappointed in me, is all I can think, but he would never know. The dark side of my brain is trying to talk over me.

“Are you listening, Lanes?” my nanna looked amused.
“Yeah, sorry, still slightly jetlagged”, I joked.
“You look a bit more than jetlagged”, she eyed me suspiciously.
“Nope, I promise it’s just that. Let me tell you a funny story about a guy, a saddle and some strong tape” It’s the only one I can think to tell.

I walked out of the home after telling little stories I know are amusing from my time over there. I managed to leave out any mention of Rip, which hurt my heart almost as much as it would have to have spoken about him. It seems like an injustice to my time there not to talk about Rip until people's ears bled.

I need a minute to myself before I drive over to the next person's house. I underestimated how much talking would be involved in the day, maybe I won’t stay overnight. The comfort of my bedroom is shouting out for me, but that means seeing Rip’s clothes.

Driving along the coastal road seems like the best thing to do, it only adds an extra minute onto the drive. As soon as I pulled up at my other nanna's house, I suddenly realised I didn’t even look at the sea, I was too deep in my thoughts to remember to look at it.

“I didn’t know you were coming today”, my nanna shouted excitedly as I got out of the car.
“Last-minute decision”, I explained.
“Come in here, let me get you some dinner together”, she gestured me in with her arms.

I took a seat at the table. I'm already feeling exhausted, but I'm so happy to see this lovely woman after so long. Whenever I've needed someone to take me in, she’s always been happy to do it. This house became a second home to me in my teenage years.

“Do you want me to tell you what you look like?” she smiled over as she put together a sandwich.
“I think everyone is going to tell me today, so it’s okay”, I laughed it off.
“Come sit down in the front room and tell me what's going on with you” She took the plate with her so I couldn’t refuse.
“I don’t think I'm ready to talk about it” I swallowed a lump in my throat.
“I hope he was worth this state you’re in”, straight to the point as always.

“He is, well, was”, I spoke sadly.
“Did you find it?” she asked curiously.
“Find what?” I'm confused.
“What you’ve always wanted to find, Lainey. A home, that person to love you the way you’ve always wanted” fuck, this isn’t the conversation I wanted.

“I really don’t want to talk about it”, I tried to shut it down.
“I know you don’t, that's why you need to.” I hate that she always knows best.
“I found it, nanna, and I left it there” I tried to hold back the tears.
“Now, why would you do that? Explain it to me, so I can understand,” she pushed.

I felt the tear run down my cheek as I fought myself on whether I'm ready to talk about Rip properly. The words started flying out of my mouth as I described as much of mine and Rip’s relationship as I could without keeping her sitting here for hours.

“He sounds like a good man, Lainey. I would like to meet him. Now tell me why you left him there?” I thought I'd escaped this bit.
“I needed to come home, I was always going to have to come home”, I started.
“I'm stopping you there. Why did you need to come home? Don’t take this the wrong way, I love having you here. You hold too much loyalty to this town; it has never done anything for you. You have never and will never find happiness here, Lainey” her words made my crying worse.

“I watched you turn into a ghost in this town, just begging to be loved the way you needed. Here has never been your home, I would come and visit you anywhere in this world if that's what you’re worried about. You’ve found it, Lainey, you need to go back and apologise to that man,” she gave me a sympathetic look.
“It’s too late, I can’t go back” She handed me a tissue for my tears.

“If I've learnt one thing in all of my years on this earth, it’s that it’s never too late. Especially not with a love you’ve just described to me. I have never been disappointed in you, but I will be if you spend the rest of your life here, miserable” She gave me the most serious look I've ever seen on her face.
“I'm sorry to disappoint you, but that's what’s going to happen. I'm destined to a life of misery, we all knew that,” I half laughed.
“I will kill you with my own hands if you do that, Lainey. I can’t watch you fade away again” The expression on her face made my chest hurt.

I finally got started on my sandwich that I'm pretty sure is damp from all of my crying, as my nanna filled me in with everything that has been going on whilst I was away. Everything she tells me about my dad makes me want to kill him. Rip would only need to hear one of these stories before he would be out the door.

The beach is my next stop, I feel like missing looking at it on the drive here was my sign to get out and breathe in some of the sea air. Maybe that's going to clear my head a little bit. I don’t even like the damn beach, this is drastic for me.

I regret this decision, I fucking hate sand and I didn’t bring a spare pair of shoes. The feeling of the fresh air is nice, though, being near the sea always grounds me. Something about the vastness of it brings me comfort, I'm so insignificant on this earth that maybe my problems aren’t even real.

I sparked a cigarette as I walked, guess it ruins the idea of fresh air, but with me, that's never going to change. Fresh air with polluted lungs is the only way I want to live my life. My brain feels heavy as the only thoughts it gives me are the memories of all the Marlboros I've smoked whilst sitting on Rip’s knee. I can almost feel his fingertips drawing circles on my thighs.

This was a stupid idea, now I'm just crying on the beach from thoughts of Rip instead of being in my car crying over him. I can’t believe he’s never seen the ocean before, standing here thinking about him on one feels like I'm mocking him in some way. I'm glad his phone is so old it can’t receive photos because I know myself well enough to know that I'd be fighting sending him a picture of it.

I need to call at my sisters who isn’t someone I'd like to see at this moment, but I can’t miss a chance of seeing my nephew. It blows my mind how such an amazing child like him can come from someone like her. In my panic to leave the flat, I managed to grab the cowboy hat I got from him from my hand luggage.

I tried to avoid any actual conversation with her, anything I say is just going to be passed on to my mum, which I don’t want. I don’t need any of the faux concern which would come from them discussing my appearance.

I made it out as quickly as possible, and he was over the moon with his hat. I hope more than anything that he escapes this place. I'd be happy rotting away here if it means I get to see him happy and living a life as far away from here as possible.

I pulled up at the final visit of the day, my auntie's house. Another house I spent a lot of nights in during my teenage years, always answering my late-night calls to come and get me when more holes had been put in walls or I was kicked out for simply existing.

“Hey, Lanes”, my cousin Maisie answered the door.
“Long time no see,” I laughed as I walked through the door.
“Nanna already called me, she’s worried about you”, she spoke fast, getting it out of the way.
“I thought she would have, wanna order a Chinese?” I hid from the topic.

I miss Gator's food so much, in fact, I think his food is the last real meal I ate. I've been living off whatever scraps I can find in my cupboards since being home, and a Chinese is exactly what I need. Give me all the salt and pepper chips and curry sauce.

“So you gonna tell me about the hot cowboys?” she wiggled her eyebrows at me after putting the order through.
“Fuck yeah, it’s just us in right?” I double checked.
“Yes, that's exactly the type of answer I was looking for”, Maisie laughed.

I'm not sure how much time I've spent giving her every detail about basically every man I saw over there, but she’s ready to plan her own trip out there now. I felt guilty going without her, but I know I'll make it up to her with a road trip of our own at some point in the future.

“So are you gonna tell me about your cowboy? The one I saw on your story,” she gave me a curious grin.
“Shit, I don’t know if I have it in me to talk about him again today” I felt the emotion building in me again.
“That bad, huh? Come on, let it all out,” she poked.
“I fucked up is all you need to know” I shook my head at myself.

Luckily for me, the doorbell went off at just the right time, interrupting the conversation. The smell of the food is heavenly, and I feel hungry for the first time since leaving. I feel weirdly guilty over it, like I don’t deserve to have any type of normal feeling. I should feel nothing but pain over Rip at all times.

“You know, I actually might have found a cowboy for you”, I grinned between bites.
“Are you gonna tell me anything more than that?” she looked at me with suspicion.
“The guy is like the human embodiment of a golden retriever, perfect for you”, I assured her.
“Well, show me his Instagram then”, Maisie urged me.

I pulled my phone out for the first time since this morning. There are various texts I'm going to continue ignoring until tomorrow that I just skimmed past, but I stopped in my tracks when I saw one specific text.

Ryan: How you doing, Alien? Here's your weekly update. He isn’t doing good. We’ve all got an eye on him, though, don’t worry. No fights yet.

My heart dropped. I wanted it to feel like a gutpunch to hear that Rip’s doing okay and I'm the only one suffering, but hearing that was worse. I've left him there in pain, and I'm sitting laughing, having food. I've spent seven days barely functioning, yet this hour of pretending to be okay has now made me feel like the worst person in the entire world. I never deserved Rip.

“Lainey? What's wrong?” Maisies voice pulled me from my thoughts.
“Nothing, it’s okay” I put my phone back down.
“I've known you my entire life, and I have seen you in some states. I've never seen you like this. What the fuck happened?” she looked genuinely concerned for me.
“I left him there”, I whispered.

“I'm going to say this to you because, as far as I'm concerned, we’re sisters. I don’t need to hear the full story to know you’ve made the biggest mistake of your life. What are you going to do about it?” she pointed to me with her fork.
“I'm going to regret it for the rest of my sorry existence”, I spoke quietly.

I attempted a few last bites of my food before practically running out of the house. This whole trip back was a mistake, I should never have left my bed today. At least no one knew how much I'd fucked up before I stepped foot out of the house.

I put the address back in Maps and turned my music up as loud as possible. These two hours driving back are going to be exhausting, I know that within a minute of driving when the tears started flowing again. I'm surprised I even have any left to cry.

The overwhelming fear of panic filled my body as my apartment block came back into view again. Knowing I have to walk into Rip’s clothes on the floor, the smell of him filling my apartment whilst I've been out is killing me. I want to be near him, yet being close to his things and not him feels like a nightmare.

The panic attack is in full force as I park my car. No matter what I do, I can’t find any breath. My whole body feels like it’s being attacked, and there's nothing I can do about it other than try and let it pass.

I grab my bag as I jump out of the car, being confined in that space is making it so much worse. I need to walk and try and calm down. The last time this happened, I had Rip to fix it for me, and now it’s just me, and I deserve the suffering.

Before I knew it, I was standing in the shop under my apartment. I'm trying to act normal and pretend like I'm not losing my mind. My eyes are fixed on one thing only, the biggest bottle of Jameson they stock. My phone is open as my fingers hover over the button to call the one person who could help me right now, Rip.

I know which one I'm choosing as I feel the coolness of the glass bottle graze my fingertips.

Chapter Text

Montana, USA - 4 weeks since

Shit, my whole body aches. It’s been four damn weeks of waking up on this couch and there ain’t no part of me that wants to go back to sleeping in that bed upstairs. I don’t think I can even classify what I'm doing as sleeping, but as long as my girl isn’t by my side, this is how it’s going to be.

The sunlight coming through the window feels like it’s burning my eyes before I even open them. I ain’t ready to get off this couch yet, so feeling around for my sunglasses is the only thing that’s going to help.

I can hear cans falling onto the floor as my hand scans the table for them. I already woke up with a rage inside of me, but this is making it a hell of a lot fuckin’ worse. Every inch I move, the pounding in my head gets stronger.

I'm too fuckin’ old to be waking up with a hangover every morning, but it’s the only thing taking the edge off missing Lainey. It ain’t even doing a great job at it, all I do when I get in is drink until I finally pass out.

I tried keeping going with the no drinking thing for the first few nights, but the pain was too damn much. Shit, I hope Lainey hasn’t picked up a bottle since she’s been home. I wonder what she’s doing right now, if she even thinks about me anymore.

I finally found the metal frames, the coolness of the metal soothed my headache for a second before it returned with a fuckin’ vengeance. Shit, at least when it’s pounding it distracts me from thinking.

I never thought I would end up being somebody, I'd always be a ghost, but I didn’t ever think that I'd end up a fuckin’ drunk. Seems like that's the only way it’s going to go now, none of the heartbreak has faded, and it’s been a month. This is gonna haunt me for the rest of my existence.

Every time I close my eyes, I can see that pretty smile of hers, that one she’d try and hide before it lit up her full face. Those blue eyes and full lips that drove me fuckin’ crazy. All these things some dumbass English boy is probably going to claim as his own some day whilst I lay on this couch.

The rage that just filled my body at that thought is my sign to get up and shower before going down to the barn. I'd happily spend the rest of my days drinking myself to death, but I owe Mr Dutton too much. I just spend every day counting down the minutes until I can crack another one open.

Everything of Lainey’s is still in the place she left them in the bathroom. I can’t bring myself to move any of them, something in this fuckin’ mind of mine tells me if I move anything, then that means she ain’t never coming back.

My showers are quick now, in and out fast enough to get rid of the smell of alcohol from my skin. Gotta keep my eyes closed the full time, makes me feel like she’s still close to me. Watching me as I put the shampoo in my hands, ready to wash her long, brown hair for her. Those little sighs that would fall out of her mouth as he relaxed from my touch.

Before Lainey I couldn’t recall one time I've cried, shit, I don’t even think I cried as a damn baby. Since she’s been gone, I have to fight the urge to cry every single day. A grown man crying in the shower, that’s what I've become.

I don’t recognise the man looking back at me in the mirror, I'm just a drunk shell of the person I was before. When she got on that plane, she took that man with her. I'd say I don’t care if I live or die, but there's one stupid fuckin’ part of me that thinks she’s going to come back to me one day so i have to stay alive.

I told her I would wait here for her every day, and that’s what I'll do. I'd never break my word to that girl. I can’t accept that I might have seen that smile of hers for the last time. This is a cruel fuckin’ world, but it can’t be that cruel.

Every morning when I walk out of the bathroom, my eyes fall on where she would be lying, sheets tangled up and pulled over her. The hours I spent just watching her sleep, she doesn’t know it, but every so often her lips would turn up in a smile as she slept. I never fuckin’ told her and now I ain’t never going to get the chance.

I thought we had more time. That big, beautiful brain of hers was working overtime even as she slept. Shit, I hope it’s treating her well. It’s a physical pain in my chest when my damn head thinks about the fact she could be suffering right now. I can’t fuckin’ save her from it when she’s not here with me.

I already know I'm running late today, the same as every day in the past four weeks, but I need to walk over there. I don’t know how much I drank last night before I passed out, but the whole damn room is covered in cans and empty bottles of whiskey. I'll get rid of them at some point.

I can see everyone sitting around waiting as the bunkhouse comes into view. I take a deep breath as I prepare myself to have to speak to these idiots. The first few days, I came up with bad excuses as to why I was late, but that soon stopped. I can see the pitying looks on their faces, opening my mouth is just going to make it worse.

None of them know what to say to me, and I hope it fuckin’ stays that way. If her name even fell from one of their mouths, I know I won’t be able to control myself. We have a new wrangler, a girl, who fills me with rage to even look at her. It’s like Mr Dutton tried to replace Lainey’s spot here, it ain’t her fault, but I can’t fuckin’ do it.

“How you doin’?” Lloyd put a hand on my shoulder.
“Fine”, I need to put a stop to this line of conversation.
“I've seen some heartbroken cowboys in my time, but none as bad as this”, he lowered his voice.
“Thanks, Lloyd” I clamped down so hard on my toothpick, there's no way it hasn’t snapped.

“I'm worried about you boy, you’re rotting away in that damn house” Lloyd continued.
“I told you, I'm fuckin’ fine” I don’t want to hurt Lloyd, but one more thing and I can’t promise I won’t.
“I promised that girl I'd keep an eye on you, Pard. I ain’t gonna let her down. Come to the bunkhouse tonight, you ain’t gotta stay long. Just gets you off that damn couch” it felt like someone just punched me in the fuckin’ stomach to hear someone mention her.
“I'll think about it”, I spat the broken toothpick on the floor.

I gave the rest of the dipshits a run down on what we’re going to be doing today. It’s like they think I can’t tell what they’re thinking as they look at me. I don’t want no fuckin’ pity party, and I thought they would have moved past it by now, but it don’t seem to be that way.

Lainey wouldn’t want me being like this, I know she’d be devastated to see it and how on edge fuckin’ everyone is around me. Makes it worse that I know at least one of them has spoken to her since she’s been gone, yet I haven’t.

She told me I could always ask Ryan how she is, but I have no idea how I'll react. The last thing I need is to break down crying in front of one of these guys, they’d get me shipped off to a mental hospital or something. Don’t think any of them would take me seriously again.

Shit, I think it would kill me to hear she’s doing okay and has moved on whilst I'm here living in a fuckin’ haunted house. I don’t want her to be doing badly, not at all, but a selfish part of me wants to know I'm not the only one rotting away with this distance between us. She deserves a damn good life, even if thats without me. There just ain’t no life for me without her.

“Walker, Lloyd and Colby. Split these, will bring half down with us,” I shouted over the herd of cows.
“Rip, there's something wrong with some of these”, Lloyd shouted back.
“I don’t see anything wrong with them, split 'em”, I demanded.

I've always loved this job, but every minute on the back of a horse these past four weeks knocks me sick. I got so used to Lainey being out with us, I never considered what it would be like to be out here without her.

My focus every day was watching her; it’s one thing to watch out for yourself and your horse, but I mastered looking out for us both. She didn’t need it, that girl could fuckin’ ride, but that was my entire focus. Now what's the fuckin’ point, I can’t find it anywhere I look.

“I ain’t bringing these down, not a chance”, Walker shouted.
“Do I need to fucking repeat myself? Do your damn job Walker” He’s the last person who wants to be arguing with me right now.
“Why don’t you do your damn job Rip? Too in your own head to see there's something wrong here,” Walker bit back.

“What the fuck did you just say to me?” I managed four weeks without a fight; that's over now.
“I said you’re too busy thinking about Lainey to do your fuckin’ job. These cows are sick, bring 'em down and we’ll infect them all” I let out a small laugh at his words.
“Don’t you fucking dare speak her name. Come on, you wanna fucking fight? Get over here,” I jumped down off Dude.

Walker copied me, walking over with a swagger I can’t wait to fucking knock out of him. This has been a damn long time coming, Lainey was the only reason he was saved before and she ain’t here to stop me.

I let him try and throw the first punch, knocking him straight down to the ground with mine. He has no fuckin’ chance, my body has been filled with rage for weeks, and this is how I'm going to get it out.

My vision went red as I put all of my frustrations into beating the shit out of him. How fuckin’ dare he think he can say my girl's name? He was always jealous that it was me with her, and now he’s going to lose this as well.

Just as I heard his nose break under my knuckles, I felt arms wrap around me, trying to pull me up from on top of him. One man isn’t going to be enough to stop me. Feeling my fist connect with his face is the best feeling I've felt in four weeks.

“Rip, fuckin’ stop it. You’re gonna kill the poor bastard,” Lloyd shouted.
“That's the fuckin’ aim, Lloyd”, I laughed like a maniac.

I felt more arms on me, throwing me back onto the ground. I smirked as Walker crawled away from me, blood covering his face. It soon went away as I thought about the time I scared Lainey, her face when she refused to talk to me. That’s how she would be looking at me right now. Fuck.

“What the fuck was that?” Mr Dutton's voice cut through the crowd.
“It’s all out of their systems now, that's been building for months”, Lloyd tried to smooth it over.
“Rip, get over here now”, he demanded.

I dusted myself off, and I've got more dirt on me than I expected. Walker’s blood started staining my knuckles. Five minutes ago, I felt like I was on top of the world, now I just feel like I did when I woke up this morning.

“You gonna explain yourself?” Mr Dutton asked from his horse.
“I warned him, he’s had it fuckin’ coming” was the only explanation I could think of.
“Jesus fuckin’ christ, Rip, I can smell the alcohol on you from here” He looked disappointed.

“I ain’t drunk, sir”, I assured him.
“Sure seems like you can’t make a good decision, Rip. Go home, sort yourself out. Can’t have you running things around here in this state,” he dismissed me.
“Yes, sir”, I respect him enough not to argue his decision.

Damn near all of them looked down on the ground instead of at me as I walked back to my horse. I'm sure all of them would have done what I did if they ever felt a love half as strong as mine and Lainey’s. They just don’t fuckin’ get it.

I rode off without another word. Walker deserved it, and I'm never gonna apologise to him for that. He went with a low fuckin’ blow, and that's what you get for it. A nose that's never going to look straight again. Piece of shit.

I got Dude moving as fast as he can, there ain’t going to be another day where I get sent back. Means I can start drinking early tonight, if I drink enough and pass out, then I'll get a few more hours than usual before the sun wakes me up.

I unsaddled him faster than I've ever unsaddled a horse in my life. I feel slightly bad for him for not getting the same working day as the rest of them, but he has many more years ahead of him, and he gets to enjoy the same slow day as I do now.

Just as I got to the end of the barn, I stopped. I'm standing completely still as the smell of cigarette smoke travels through the air. A smell that feels like it’s fuckin’ suffocating me as the memories of Lainey held close to me on the porch fill my mind.

“I'm not her, you can come out”, Beth’s voice echoed through the air.
“I don’t have the energy for you today” I suddenly felt like an idiot for thinking it might have been Lainey waiting out there.
“You never do,” she laughed as I walked past her without looking.

“I spoke to her today” Stopped me in my tracks.
“Beth, don’t do this” I clamped my jaw shut.
“You look like a mess, Rip. Do you want to know how she’s doing?” Beth asked.

The smell of her cigarette smoke is now so clearly different to Lainey’s, I don’t know how I even got them confused for a second. Guess thats what happens to a broken man, thinking every thing is a damn sign my girl might come back to me.

There is a jealousy flowing through my veins knowing that even fuckin’ Beth gets to talk to her and I don’t. I know they created this sister like bond that I'll never understand, but it just feels fuckin’ unfair. I would kill 100 men just to hear her voice, and everyone else can hear it when they want. Where's the fuckin’ justice in that?

“Rip, do you want to know?” Beth’s voice broke me out of my thoughts.
“I don’t know Beth” I took a seat on one of the benches, my legs felt shaky.
“Okay, well, I'll tell you this instead. She’s alive, she isn’t in danger. Does that rest your thoughts a bit?” she looked genuinely sympathetic, a look I ain’t never seen on her face before.

“I don’t know how that makes me feel, Beth”, I replied honestly as I ran my hands through my hair.
“Damn and people say I have a drinking problem” she joked, “you need to invest in mints or something”
“What else am I meant to fuckin’ do? She left” The frustration is clear in my voice.

“I can tell you one thing, you drinking yourself to death isn’t going to bring her home to you. She’d be pissed seing you like this” Beth scolded me.
“That's the problem, nothing is going to bring her home”, I snapped another fuckin’ toothpick.
“I thought she was crazy for being so worried about you, but clearly she was fuckin’ right. You can’t keep going like this, Rip, or you’ll end up like me,” she half joked.

“I don’t know what to do. I'm stuck in this fuckin’ cycle of not being able to stop thinking about her. Every second of the day, I think about her. I thought it would slow down, but it ain’t” I can’t fuckin’ believe it’s Beth I'm opening up to.
“Did you try everything to get her to stay? Did you do as much as you could?” she looked at me suspiciously.

“What the fuck is that meant to mean? You think I just packed her fuckin’ bags for her and sent her off?” The rage is back again.
“No, I don’t think you did. Calm down, you’ve already been sent home once today,” she diverted her gaze down to my bloody knuckles.
“So what are you trying to say, Beth? In words I'll understand,” I asked.

“If you know you did all you could, then the only thing you can do is look after yourself, Rip. If she came home right now, is this the person you’d want her to see? This empty fuckin’ shell who can’t take his sunglasses off because you’re too hungover?” she smirked, her sunglasses twice as big as mine.

“That's the fuckin’ problem ain’t it? She ain’t coming back, I can’t stay thinking that she might. That’s one way of making sure I do end up in an early grave,” a self-deprecating laugh came out of me.
“Well, if that’s the way you’re thinking, then there ain’t no helping you. Just know she’s just as fucked up as you about it all” Beth stood and walked away back to the main house.

I ain’t sure how long I've been sitting on this bench thinking. It feels like someone is squeezing the air out of my lungs, hearing that Lainey isn’t doing well either. I can’t decide if I'm happy, Beth told me that or not. I never want her to be sad, I would have done fuckin’ anything to put that smile on her face, and right now I can’t do anything about it.

I need to get back to the house before everyone comes back. Don’t think I can deal with any more of those looks of pity today. Maybe if everyone else could act a bit more normal, I could too. Who am I kidding? There's no going back to what was normal.

Maybe Beth is right, I should at least keep the house looking as it was when Lainey last saw it. Just in case she does turn up on the porch one day, this is her home just as much as mine, and it should at least look like one.

I grabbed some trash bags and started on getting rid of the, at this point, probably well over a hundred empty bottles covering the full living room. Every damn surface has them just sat there rotting like me.

I emptied them off the kitchen table, but came to a stop as soon as I saw that pretty girl looking back at me from the photo frame. I don’t think I've smiled like that since she left. She really is the most beautiful girl I've ever laid my fuckin’ eyes on.

The stack of photos next to it caught my attention, and I pulled out a chair so I could give them my full attention. I'm so fuckin’ glad she thought to print some of these off for me, it would have killed me not to have a single bit of evidence that I didn’t just dream her up.

Each photo I look at feels like a punch to the stomach, yet I can’t stop fuckin’ looking at them. I was prepared to live and die alone, never wanted all that wife and kids shit and then she came along in those fuckin’ Crocs and changed my mind before I even said a word to her. I knew it was her, it will always be her.

I'm going to spend the rest of my damn life in this house that feels like a house of ghosts with that small bit of hope she’s going to appear again and we can pick up where we left off. This stack of photos is all I've got to look back on. I can never doubt the love she had for me when I can see it so clearly in those beautiful eyes of hers looking back at me.

I open the back of the second frame for the first time. The stack of Polaroids was falling out onto the table. Fuck, the most beautiful girl in the whole fucking world. I can feel my dick stiffening as I slowly look through them. Those fuckin’ boobs of hers drive me insane. Yet I have no actual want to jerk off, I just want to admire her. Maybe I never will again, another thing she took with her.

I've looked at them for long enough that I'm starting to feel slightly like a pervert. She would have laughed her ass off at me for staring at them so much. I might be a broken man, but I'm still a man. Her man.

My knuckles caught my attention, still stained a shade of red even though I tried to scrub it off. If Lainey is struggling, I don’t want one of them fuckin’ idiots telling her about what happened and making her worry about me even more. I need to get to them before one of them slips up.

The sun is just setting as I step out onto the porch. Lainey’s favourite time of the day. The oranges and pinks covering the sky reminded me of her, it ain’t something I'd even given a second to before she taught me to see the beauty in them. I wish I could send her a fuckin’ picture of it. She’d call it pretty, but as far as I'm concerned, no sunset will ever be as pretty as her.

“Oh, hey Rip”, Ryan spoke first when I walked in.
“We ain’t doing a round two,” Lloyd joked.
“No, just here to speak to Ryan. Can you come outside for a minute?” I asked.
“Yeah, sure thing”, he looked slightly suspicious.

“I just wanted to ask you not to tell Lainey what happened today. Don’t think she needs to know anything that might worry her,” I spoke with a hushed tone.
“You know she knows you, right, Rip? I'm not trying to get a broken nose, but Lainey likes honesty. If she asks, then I ain’t gonna hide something from her” Ryan took a step back, slightly afraid.

“Shit, you’re not wrong. How often do you speak to her?” The curiosity got to me.
“Every few days, she told me I can tell you how she’s doing if you ever ask,” he added.
“Thank you, Ryan, for being a good friend to her. She needs more good people around her, even if it ain’t me” I was shocked at my own words, I can’t be getting soft.

“Rip, I've dealt you in. Just one round?” Lloyd shouted from the door.
“I think he came to check you didn’t get the same fate as that piece of shit” I joked.
“Yeah, thanks for not doing that, Rip. One round?” Ryan asked, relieved.
“One round”, I nodded to Lloyd.

I should have thought of this before; coming here to drink is somehow accepted, yet me doing it alone in the house isn’t. If I head over here one night a week, no one will say anything, and I can still go home and pass out on the couch.

Instead of it being Lainey cleaning up the table, it’s me tonight. I wouldn’t say I've ever been a bad cards player, but from watching Lainey that one night I learnt some pretty damn good tricks and they’re working. That’s my fuckin’ girl.

I felt a smile almost come to my face and fought it back. I can’t be sat here smiling when she’s not with me. It feels like a betrayal to her to ignore the pain of missing her for even a minute. I need another drink.

“Someone fill this glass up” I pointed to it as Jimmy put his shit card down.
“Coming up”, Teeter said. I gave her a nod of recognition.
“You gonna buy us a new bottle?” Colby joked.
“I'll take all the fuckin’ bottles home with me”, I scowled at him, can’t have them thinking we’re friends now.

“Who took this picture?” Teeter asked, looking at the photo of us all at summer camp.

The tension suddenly in the air felt thick, as did the anger in my veins. Another person bringing her up today. I could see everyone's eyes looking down, no one wanting to risk what happened to Walker happening to them.

“Did I speak a different language or something? Who took the fuckin’ picture? It’s real good,” Teeter asked again.
“If I were you, I wouldn’t ask that again unless you want your nose to look like mine”, Walker spoke from his bunk.
“I don’t get it, what did I fuckin’ miss? Was it that girl?” Teeter didn’t know when to fuckin’ stop.

I stood to leave with enough force that the chair under me flipped over. I need to go home and feel close to Lainey. I can’t have one more fuckin’ person mention her today. All I need is the bottle of whiskey sitting on the table, and I'll be passed out on the couch in the next couple of hours.

I miss her so fuckin’ much, every part of my body aches.

Chapter Text

Manchester, UK - 8 weeks since

It’s a surprise to everyone, but I am officially done with editing. The final draft has been sent off to my agent and the publicist well ahead of time. It’s a lot bigger than any of us originally thought, just over 150 pages of all kinds of images from my two months there.

Originally, I was met with a pushback that it’s too long, but once everyone sat down and looked through it, they all decided that cutting any of the images would be a mistake. When I say I've put my heart and soul into it, I truly mean that.

I wish I could say I got it done so fast because I was enjoying myself and was just so proud of what I'd managed to capture, but that is far from the truth. I have got it done so fast because I can’t bear to look at another photo from that trip.

The day I picked up the bottle of Jameson, I carried it straight up to my office and set it on my desk. I made one promise to myself: I wouldn’t drink whilst needing to do the work. I could open it once everything was approved as a fucked up kind of celebration.

The next day, I got started. I've worked probably 20 hours each day, if I still can’t sleep without Rip, then there's no point in me sitting in bed when I could just keep going until I pass out. My whole body and mind felt exhausted from the first day, the type of exhaustion you can’t imagine any form of recovery from.

Rip was already there every time I closed my eyes; now his face is burned into my retinas from an uncountable number of hours having to look so closely at him. It’s like it was a punishment from the universe, a sick joke, maybe even a form of torture.

The first week was the worst. I threw up multiple times from how hard I cried just looking at him, looking at everything I've lost. I've even had to zoom in on his face and clothing to spot remove certain things from images. That same jacket that has been hanging on the back of my chair for nearly two months.

One of the hardest parts of the whole post-production of the project was getting the disposable cameras back from the developer. Over one hundred images came back, and I was so happy to go through them all and see what they captured.

It started amazingly, so many from their day-to-day work on the backs of their horses. Some that you could see, they’d put a hell of a lot of thought into framing-wise, they really did want me to come through on my promise of putting some in the book. There were so many aspects of bunkhouse life which made me smile. You can tell when they’d had too much to drink, the images starting to get blurry, and then the flash would be turned on.

Then the photos that broke my heart all over again started coming in. So fucking many of me and Rip blissfully unaware of the camera, always looking at each other with little smiles. He always has his hands on me in some way. So much so that I could so nearly feel them on my skin with every one I came across. Our innocent smiles, neither of us knowing just how bad the future was going to hit us.

It took me a month to open the file of Rip’s disposable pictures. I needed to prepare myself for that one. A month wasn’t long enough. A part of me wishes I had just never opened them, sent the files over to Ryan to give Rip, and I would never have had to see them.

Every single photo was of me, in the sweetest, most heart-achingly way. Knowing they started from when we weren’t even properly talking yet, I was the only thing on his mind to take a photo of. I'm not sure how he managed to be so sneaky with it, but he was, and it made my heart hurt so much.

My favourite of his is one of me sitting on the porch, a cigarette in my hand as I look out at the pretty sunset. It was taken through the front window of the house, seconds before Rip would have come out to join me.

It’s crazy to think I spent so much time in the beautiful nature surrounding the ranch, yet since I've been back, I've barely even seen the light of day. In my head, I was being productive and doing better with dealing with the pain. In reality, I just moved my rotting to my office instead, sat in the darkness editing photos.

I'm not allowed to send over any of the official images to people yet, not until the book is published and the exhibition is over. The disposables, I figured, were a loophole, and I got them sent over to Ryan as soon as I got them.

From the response I got, I could gather they were all pretty proud of themselves. Cowboys can be some of the least serious people you’ll ever meet, but when they set their minds on something they’re damn sure going to get it done to a good standard.

It was only a few weeks ago that I was doomscrolling on my phone when I came across a new post of Ryan’s. A group photo of a bunch of the wranglers messing around, their usual stuff. I felt my stomach drop when I noticed there was a new face in the photo, a girl.

It clearly wasn’t one of their girlfriends, or someone would have told me, plus that would never fly in the bunkhouse. That means one thing: she’s a wrangler or she’s with Rip. That's the only two ways a girl would be with them all. I can’t see what would have changed so quickly for John to have hired a girl to live in the bunkhouse.

It took me days to pick my phone back up, haunted by the thoughts of Rip’s hands all over someone who isn’t me. A girl living in what was our house, our bed, even our porch. I felt like a fucking idiot, but at the same time the tiniest part of me was happy for him. Happy he wasn’t suffering anymore like I am.

When my weekly message came in from Ryan, I ignored it. I don’t want to actually know how happy he is with a new girl. One that’s skinnier than me, too. That’s a thought I could do without confirming if I wanted to stand a chance of finishing this project. After two days, Ryan followed up with me.

Ryan: Where you at Lainey?
Ryan: I was meant to tell you, we got a new wrangler. She’s cool, you would like her
Ryan: Also, Rip didn’t want me to tell you, but he beat the shit out of Walker

I can’t express the wave of relief I got. Fucking days I spent sobbing over Rip and his new girlfriend just for it to be the other option. Now I can see logically that it would have been that all along. Ryan can be an idiot, but he never would have done that to me. Well, I hope he would have given me the heads up before I spent hours comparing myself to this random girl.

Me: What happened? Is Rip okay? Is Walker okay? Why didn’t he want you to tell me?
Me: That was a lot of questions. Answer each one, please :)
Me: Also, I just spent days thinking Rip had a new girlfriend

It had been about a month of being home at this point. A part of me was shocked that Rip managed to last four weeks without letting his frustrations out with his fists. Another part was happy that it means he’s still got some bits of his personality there after being told a few times, just vaguely that he wasn’t doing good.

Ryan: We were out working, Rip was already in a bad mood, and Walker ran his mouth. He brought you up, and Rip lost it. Mr Dutton sent him home. He was pretty sure Rip was drunk, but he denied it.
Ryan: Walker is okay, mean angle on his nose now, but okay. Rip is still the same, doesn’t talk to us and stays in his house. There ain’t no chance he’s getting a new girl.
Ryan: I did think to message you first before posting the picture, but I thought you’d know well enough that wasn’t going to happen.

Me: Don’t worry about it, it's funny now I know it isn’t the truth. I'm worried about him, though. Do you think he was drunk? Is he drinking a lot?

Fuck, I didn’t even consider that Rip could fall into a drinking problem. He never seemed to have an issue with it, he stopped without an issue when I got there. I know cowboy’s love a beer after a hard day at work, but why the fuck would John think he might have been drunk on the job?

Ryan: I don’t know, it’s possible, Lanes. How are you? How is your cousin?

Me: Fuck, that’s not what I wanted to hear. My cousin is good, she thinks you’re hot. How are you doing?

I didn’t answer the question about how I was. No one needs to know how fucking terrible I'm doing. That the pain hasn’t even started to feel like it’s going away, that it’s the hardest task in the world just to function every day without Rip by my side. Yet every time I do work, he’s looking through my screen at me.

I have got better in the sense that I am eating, like actual vegetables and freshly cooked meals. I have been getting them delivered to the flat instead of having to face the general public in the shop, but it's still some kind of progress for me. I'm showering a lot more frequently than I was. That took a while to get better with, after having Rip wash my hair for me nearly every morning, washing it myself usually ended up with me on the floor in there, sobbing.

My phone ringing pulled me out of this little trance I've been in, reliving the past few horrific weeks. I'm hidden away, curled up on my office chair, desktop open, but not looking at anything in particular, now my work is pretty much done. When I glance down, I see it's Vanessa calling me.

“Lainey, I'm just ringing to tell you I'm running a bit behind,” she spoke fast.
“A bit behind for what? What am I missing?” I have no idea why she would just call me to give an update on her day like this.
“For the zoom call with the Duttons, Lainey”, she sounded confused at my confusion.

“What fucking zoom call? I didn’t know about any call,” my eyes about fell out of my head.
“It’s in ten minutes, it’s been on your calendar for weeks. It’s late in the day because of the time difference,” she explained.
“I had absolutely zero idea about this. You haven’t sent me the link?” I feel like she forgot to tell me or something.
“I've emailed you four times, Lainey. You have ten minutes, you’re not getting out of this one,” she hung up the call.

You have to be kidding me. I quickly opened up my work emails and scrolled through all the unread ones. I'm not interested in any other work right now, so I haven’t even bothered to look at them. She’s wrong, she sent it five times. There is no getting out of this.

My reflection in the bathroom mirror is almost a jumpscare. I can’t remember the last time I looked at myself. I won’t be looking again for a while after this if this is what I'm going to be greeted with.

Right, I've just wasted five minutes hoping that splashing cold water on my face will erase the effects of the past two months from my appearance. I'm not putting jeans on for this; no one is going to be able to see below my waist anyway.

I've been living in hoodies and joggers, and real clothes don’t seem like a thing anymore. Opening my wardrobe and looking is overwhelming, I don’t want to have to pick an outfit and stick a smile on my face.

The only thing calling out to me is Rip’s long-sleeved shirt. Seeing John and Beth is going to be hard, knowing that they know what's going on with Rip from seeing him every day. I'm going to have to try my best not to break down in tears immediately at the sight of them. Black joggers, my man's t-shirt, a trucker hat to cover up the grease in my hair and sunglasses are the way to go.

There's no way I can open up a camera in any room of my apartment, the whole place is a pig sty. I haven’t bothered doing a deep clean because the only surfaces I properly look at are my desk and my bed. It’s not like anyone is coming in, but now I guess I have to have someone half in here.

I grab my MacBook and head out onto the balcony. At least I have a good excuse for having sunglasses on if I'm sitting out here. The bags under my eyes will be safe, and hopefully that means my face won’t cause too much concern amongst them all.

I opened up my emails and found the damn link again. We still have a couple of minutes before it’s due to start, Vanessa is running late, and Beth, who will be running it on their side, is very rarely on time. That means I'm good to open it up and light a cigarette before we start.

Thankfully, I'm right, no one else is sitting waiting for it to start. I think I look half presentable, at least enough to avoid immediate worry. The cigarette eases my brain as I take a drag, exhaling slowly as I keep an eye on the screen in case Vanessa jumps on and scolds me for smoking.

“I don’t know how to work the fuckin’ thing, Beth” John’s voice made me jump.
“Just let me press this fuckin’ button, and it’ll all work”, Beth sounded frustrated.
“Look, there’s Lainey”, I could hear John’s smile before their camera turned on.

“Hey guys”, my voice slightly broke as I spoke.
“You look like shit, Lainey” Beth came into view.
“Beth, what the fuck?” John asked.
“So nice to see you too,” I joked, wanting the conversation to move on.

“So at least it isn’t only Rip that looks like a walking fuckin’ ghost,” she added.
“You guys mind if we maybe don’t talk about him right now?” I took a deep breath to compose myself.
“How are you doing, Lainey?” John smiled kindly, but that’s another question I'd rather not be asked.

“You know, erm…”
“Clearly not fuckin’ good daddy…” Beth interrupted.
“Beth, stop it”, John scolded.

“How are you doing, John?” I couldn’t help but let out a small laugh at their dynamics.
“I'm good, this place hasn’t been the same since you left” John looked sad for a second.
“Now, who needs to stop it?” Beth cut in.
“You can see that not much has changed, huh, Lainey?” John scoffed.
“Please keep going, both of you, this is the most entertainment I've had in weeks”, I joked.

“Hey guys, I hope Lainey apologised for me running a few minutes behind” Vanessa appeared on the screen.
“Oh yeah, I did”, I smiled sheepishly, seeing a smirk from Beth.
“It’s nice to speak to you in person, kind of. This is just a confirmation meeting, really. We’re going to look at all of the pages together and get your permission to sign off on it. Everything is approved on our side now,” Vanessa explained.

Fuck, I really should have paid more attention to this meeting. What do you mean I have to look through it with other people around? I haven’t looked through the draft since I submitted it. I thought I had a lot more time before I had to speak about the images, let alone look at them.

“Is that okay with you, Lainey?” Vanessa looked confused.
“Oh, yeah. That’s fine,” I suddenly remembered they could see my current expression.
“I've been looking forward to this” John's excitement melted my heart a bit.

As soon as they looked at the first page, smiles appeared on their faces whilst I tried to fight back the tears threatening to spill over. I'm fucked, I can’t think of a valid excuse to come up with to get me off the call. It’s only a picture of the barns with the mountains behind them.

They’re all being so enthusiastic, John and Beth’s faces are lit up with each photo they see. If all else fails, I'm just glad John gets to have the photos to keep forever. He loves that place like nothing else, and poured his whole life into it. He deserves this; it’s his legacy.

“Oh wow”, John said as the tenth page opened.
“Right? She’s amazing, isn’t she?” Vanessa thrived on reactions, and this is making her happy.
“Never doubted it of her for a minute”, Beth added.

I can’t look at the screen. I know which photo they’re looking at. One of Rip looking out into the distance as he leans on the fence around the arena. One that took me a long fucking time to capture because he kept looking directly at me. He looks incredible in it, and I can’t look. I'll fall apart.

It’s taking longer than I expected to look through it all. John is so happy, he stops to tell facts about damn near every image and the land, the wrangler or the horse in it. I love him for it, I love that he’s so happy, but I need off this call.

“Now these are the pages that use images from your cowboys. That’s right, isn’t it, Lainey?” I could tell by her tone, she’s getting annoyed at my lack of talking.
“That's right, I gave them all a disposable camera in my first week. Told them to try their best, and to my surprise, they did,” I explained.
“Now this is going to be good”, John laughed as he moved his head closer to the screen, getting an eye roll from Beth in the process.

“I told them the best one would be featured, mainly to try and get them to use the cameras. They took that pretty seriously,” I faked a smile.
“I can’t believe even one of them bastards would come up with something good”, Beth took a sip from her glass.
“It was hard in the end. I couldn’t just pick one of them, so there's one photo from each of them in there. That means they can’t argue over who got in and whatnot” I took a sip of my water, wishing it was Beth’s Tito’s.

I'm okay with this section; none of their photos include either me or Rip. I tried to keep a theme with them, featuring the heads of their horses in the frames. They’re all slightly different, you can tell who took what if you know them. Ryan’s has Colby being silly in the distance, Lloyd’s is more focused on the herd of cows, and Ethan's is horse-based.

Rip is the only one who has something different. I don’t think he will expect to have a photo in there; his aim with the camera was clearly just to make sure I had a bunch of photos of me to look through. I couldn’t leave him out. I debated it a few times just because of how hard it was to find one that fits. I went with the one of me smoking under the sunset. A token of acknowledgement of our relationship. It deserves to be in there, no matter how much it hurts.

“Just double checking with you, John, do you permit your grandchild to be in the images?” Vanessa asked when we got to the Dutton family portrait from summer camp.
“Yes, ma’am. I have his father's permission, too, if you need us to sign something confirming it. He would never forgive me if he weren’t in it,” John laughed.

“I did think that”, I laughed too, “I've also added in one of the photos he took of his horse. Thought it might make him happy to have a published photo”
“Shit, you’re already the better aunt in his eyes thats making sure I'll never beat you” Beth joked.
“Perfect, we hoped you would agree. We’ll send a contract over to you later today,” I watched Vanessa write something down.

We were nearing the end now, and I knew what photo was about to pop up. John has had no issues with any of the photos so far, but this is a risky one. I hope he lets it fly because it’s still hilarious to think about.

“Jesus Christ”, John’s mouth fell open.
“Fuckin’ amazing, that's staying”, Beth laughed.
“Who’s in the middle of this photo?” John looked suspicious.
“It’s actually me”, I cringed, “no one needs to know that though”

We stayed on the photo for longer than I expected, which made it funnier. Colby and Ryan looking like all their wishes had just been granted, side by side my boobs with the ‘cowboy pillows’ vest top on. My face flushed slightly as I remembered Rip’s reaction to it.

It didn’t take too long for the final discussions. John and Beth signed off on the entire thing without one rejection, which made my life a hell of a lot easier. It also means I don’t have to look through it again until just before the launch, so I can be prepared. Vanessa is happy with the reception it’s got, which means I'm not going to have an issue getting my cheque. Completely heartbroken? Yes. Going to get paid? Also yes. Swings and roundabouts, I guess.

“Well, that’s all from me then. Thank you again for having Lainey over, you’ve been the easiest clients I have ever worked with,” Vanessa grinned.
“Lainey is like another daughter to me, she knows she’s welcome back here at any point. I couldn’t be happier,” John grinned.
“It’s better than I could have ever imagined. Atta fuckin’ girl, Lainey” Beth held her glass up as a cheers.

“Lainey, if you could just send your finished acknowledgement over tonight, we can start printing. I'll send you over enough books for everyone on your side of the water, Lainey will write something in them all first,” Vanessa smiled.
“Lainey will what?” I asked.
“You know how it goes, speak later. Thank you all!” and she was gone.

I exhaled in relief of no longer having to be professional, now she’d left the call. It’s just us three, and I can be as much of myself as I have in me today. That means reaching for my cigarettes and sparking one. Amazing.

“I'll toast to that”, Beth lit her own.
“What have I told you about smoking in the house, Beth?” John gritted his teeth.
“It’s a celebration, Daddy. This one doesn’t count,” she smiled through the smoke.

“Right, now she’s gone. You wanna tell me what’s going on with you?” Beth got straight to the point.
“I'm alive, not much else to say” I kept it short.
“You looked away every damn time Rip’s face came on the screen. You can’t ignore that” She caught me out there.

“I've just spent nearly two months staring at his face on a screen. What do you want me to tell you, Beth? I made the biggest mistake of my life and now I can’t avoid seeing his fucking face?” my words came out harsher than I intended.
“There we go, some emotion. He’s waiting for you, you know? He sits in that house every night drinking untl he passes out, just hoping you’ll come back” fuck, now the tears are coming.
“I never wanted that, I never wanted him to get hurt. I feel so fucking guilty every second of the day. I can’t come back,” I took a drag.

“Lainey, you can come back whenever you decide to. There will always be a place here for you. I know it would make me happy for you to be back,” John said.
“I couldn’t do that to him. Just turn back up in his life, I begged him to forget me and find someone else” I wiped away the tears.
“It would be the second-best thing that ever happened in his life. The first thing was meeting you. Come on, Lainey fuckin’ hell” Beth looked slightly like she wanted to strangle me.

“We could sort out your visa with no issue. You wouldn’t have to worry about anything like that. If you want to, then you can stay here forever,” Beth assured me.
“I want to, I want to more than anything I've ever wanted in my life. I just can’t, I close my eyes and I see the heartbreak on his face. I never deserved him” The emotions are flowing now,
“You too are as damn stubborn as each other” John laughed “every single person wants you back here, the door is always open for you. Means I get to have my foreman back too”

We said our goodbyes after a couple more minutes of catching up. They feel just like family to me. I've always had a father and a sister, but neither ever cared about me. These two fill those spots in ways I didn’t even know I needed.

I closed the balcony door, harsher than I intended, but it felt good to be back confined in my apartment. I can now rot again for as long as I want; it’s going to be a while before I have to see anyone again. Opening up all of that emotion is exhausting, more exhausting than keeping it in the way I do. My phone buzzed in my pocket.

James: When is your exhibition? I'll book it off work, wouldn’t miss it for the world.

You have to be fucking kidding me. Just when I thought the day couldn’t possibly get any worse. I hadn’t even thought of the fact that he might turn up. Before going out there, this would have been my biggest worry: bumping into him anywhere. My brain is so consumed with Rip, I never even gave him a thought. Fuck it, I'm not letting him hold the power over me anymore. Rip taught me I had nothing to be afraid of.

Me: The security will have photos of you. Do not even attempt to turn up at the venue. You will not ruin this for me.

James: I won’t, sorry.

His response threw me. He has never listened to a word I've had to say. Why would he start now? Is the fear of having to fight a man too scary for him? He’s never had an issue with laying hands on a woman. I'm done with him taking up any space in my head.

The memory of what Vanessa said came to my mind. I need to finish the acknowledgement. The one thing I've been putting off the most. I sat back in my chair and opened up my numerous drafts I've tried to write over the past few weeks. Time to pick one.
This is dedicated to all the people who have found their home, so far away from their actual home.

The Dutton family for taking me in and letting me fall in love with their land.

All of the cowboys working every day, those of the past and those of the present.

To the person who gave me everything I have ever needed. My heart and soul reside with you.

Lainey Cruft

Chapter Text

Montana, USA - 12 weeks later

Fuck, my head fuckin’ hurts. It’s been three months, and I don’t think I can go on much longer, not like this. She ain’t coming back, and my hands are starting to shake when I'm working; my body needs the alcohol to function as much as it needs Lainey.

I can’t even tell which pain in my body is from the alcohol, missing her or three months sleeping on this damn couch every night. I tried one night to sleep in our bed, but I got as close as standing and looking at it, and I was back on the couch.

I've seen so many drunks around here, that old guy sat on the stool at the bar until he fell to sleep on it, the one on a liquor store run at 7 AM and the ones found rotting months after they die from it. That’s what's going to happen to me, I'm gonna die a fuckin’ lonely drunk. Shit, I don’t even know who would find me.

There's one unopened can sitting on the table, staring at me. Threatening me to step it up a level and have a beer for breakfast, it would stop the shakes for a few hours. I just need to get through a few hours, and I can be back here.

Fuck it. Everyone is already convinced I'm drinking myself to death, no one has had the fuckin’ guts to say it to my face, but I can tell what they’re all thinking of me. The way no one mentions having a beer at the bunkhouse anymore. At least if I show up with it fresh on my breath, they can all stop guessing; I'll confirm it for them.

That hiss when the can opens is music to my fuckin’ ears. Shit, it’s warm now, but it’s exactly what I need. I gulped another swig down my throat and lay back on the couch. Fuck, I'm going to vomit.

The room spins as I stand up, stumbling across the room to the stairs. A fuckin’ empty whiskey bottle made its best attempt to send me flying into the wall, but I managed to slam into the wall with my shoulder. I missed the first step, grabbing onto the handrail like a fuckin’ idiot to try and pull myself up.

I collapsed on the bathroom floor with a thud, head straight over the toilet. This ain’t a hangover, this feels like my body is just trying to rid itself of all the poison I've been filling it with. What the fuck am I doing?

I just nearly got taken out by a whiskey bottle, it was meant to be our baby's toys on the floor that would get me. A house fuckin’ filled with love, and now it’s just filled with misery. I can see it so clearly when I close my eyes, what life could have been if I just tried a bit fuckin’ harder to get her to stay here with me.

A smart man would take this as a sign to get my shit together, but I ain’t never been a smart man. I don’t think I'll have another year in me the way I'm going; I find comfort in that. This pain hasn’t gone away at all in three months, another twelve is just going to be the same, so fuckin’ come at me.

Shit, even gravity is against me as I try to stand up. I can ride a damn horse all day, but I can’t get myself off the bathroom floor. Lainey’s toothbrush still sat there, caught my eye as I finally managed to stand. Still in the exact spot she left it, and it’ll stay there until they empty this house when they find me on that fuckin’ couch.

“What are you doing, cowboy? This isn’t looking after yourself”

Lainey’s voice appeared in my head, as loud as it would have been if she were standing here right behind me. I think it would kill her to see me like this, I don’t even know if she’d recognise me. I damn sure don’t recognise the man looking back at me in the mirror.

My shoulders slumped as I gripped onto the sink for dear life. My hair is longer than it’s ever been, and I have no want to get it cut. I can’t cut off those fuckin’ curls, her hands always found their way to them. It feels like I'd be cutting off a part of her. I don’t want anyone else's hands anywhere fuckin’ near it.

My eyes are red in a way that it’s becoming impossible to hide. They give away all the pain that's running through my body every second of the day. Lainey could always tell how I was feeling just from looking at them. There were times she couldn’t even look at them, she knew my fuckin’ thoughts better than I did. That's got to mean something, that we were meant for each other.

I'm fuckin’ angry at myself, I can’t believe I let it get this bad. She would be so fuckin’ upset at me, she would never forgive herself. I need to get my shit together, be the person she saw in me instead of wasting away.

Before I even knew what I was doing, my fist connected with the mirror, smashing it into pieces. I can’t look at myself in it anymore. Fuck, theres glass everywhere including my knuckles that are dripping blood onto the floor.

I tried to pick out as many pieces of glass as I could with my left hand as the shower heated up. This isn’t gonna be a one-man job, gonna have to go and ask Lloyd to help me out. At least I know he’ll keep it to himself, and it won’t get back to Lainey.

“Lloyd”, I waved him over, as they all stood around waiting for me.
“We can’t keep doing this, missed damn near an hour of work” shit, even he’s losing it with me.
“You’ll get paid. Can you get the bandage box?” I lowered my voice.
“What did you do?” he dropped his frustrations.
“Can you just get the box?” I don’t want anyone else to hear.

I didn’t think this through enough. I don’t want all of these fuckin’ idiots standing around watching Lloyd patch my hand up. I know Ryan will run straight to telling Lainey what he saw, and that's not going to help the situation. I'd be lying if I said I don’t feel a stab of jealousy towards him, he gets to talk to her whenever he fuckin’ wants.

“Ryan, you’re in charge. Go up to pasture 32, start on the fences,” I instructed.
“It’s supply run day, me and Colby are heading into town”, he looked slightly confused.
“Give me the list, I'll do it” I walked over to him, hiding my hand in my pocket.

Shit, this gives me an idea. I haven’t been into town in fuckin’ months. If this is me starting on getting my shit together then I know one thing I can start with. It ain’t a haircut, but it's going to be something.

“Here you go, that should be it”, Ryan said, handing the list over.
“Could you come over to my place tonight? Need ya for something?” I whispered.
“Erm, sure. Are you okay?” Ryan looked uncomfortable at the idea.
“Fine. Keep it to yourself,” I threatened.

I need to think of a way to get Ryan to keep what I need him to do to himself. It ain’t like I'm asking him to do something that gets him branded. Maybe I should do that, then at least he’ll know he has to fuckin’ listen to me.

“Rip”, Lloyd shouted me into the bunkhouse.
“The tweezers in there?” I asked.
“You gonna tell me what you did?” Lloyd asked as we sat down.
“Fought with a mirror, lost” No point in lying now.

“You need to change something, Rip. You can’t go on like this,” he looked disappointed.
“Shit, I know” I rubbed my free hand over my face.
“Lainey would be fuckin’ disappointed in you” Lloyd shook his head slowly as he pulled out pieces of glass.

“What happened to don’t kick a man whilst he’s down, Lloyd?” I half-joked with him, his words fuckin’ hurt.
“There's down, and there's what you’re doing to yourself. You need to get it together or you’ll lose this place, too,” Lloyd warned me.
“It’s fuckin’ hard, I didn’t expect it to be like this. Feel like I'm damn near suffocating every day from the memories of her. Can’t sleep, can’t fuckin’ function” The words came out before I could stop them.

“You ain’t gonna find her at the bottom of a bottle, Rip. Did you see a real future together?” he kept his eyes focused on my knuckles.
“You know me, Lloyd, never saw a future. Then she came along and I'd catch myself thinking about our kids every day,” I confessed.
“Then you gotta put your time into thinking about how to get her back here instead, Pard” Lloyd smiled like it was the most obvious thing.

“How am I meant to do that? We agreed on just sending letters. Every time I've tried to sit down, I can’t think of one word to say. Ain’t like I can just get on a flight and go and get her” I'm fuckin’ bored of people talking and giving me no answers.

“Son, you don’t need to go and get her. You just need to write down how you’re feeling. All that girl worried about was you and how you’ll be after her. Tell her” Shit, she did once say Lloyd was wise.
“I will, I'll try. I picked the wrong day to fuck my hand up” I hissed as Lloyd poured the rubbing alcohol on.

I gave Lloyd the information on where to find the rest of the wranglers before walking back over to the house. Damn I've been shit to them the past three months. Ain’t fair on them for their work to be impacted by my inability to function, it ain’t their fault. Lloyd’s right, she would be disappointed in me, and that's something I never want.

I jumped in the truck, drinking before work would have been a fuckin’ stupid idea. Lainey would have killed me herself if she found out it got to the point of me drunk driving along these roads. I can see her sitting next to me, looking out across the hills with the faintest smile on her face. Just content in the moment next to me. God, I wish I could see it now.

That CD I got the guys to make for us has sat in the CD player ever since. I'll never forget that little laugh of hers when she realised what was going on. Melting into my arms as we danced in the arena. Shit, I've never wanted to dance until she came along.

The songs playing now feel like a punishment that I have to listen to. She would sing them at the top of her voice whilst I just smiled at her like a love-sick idiot. Everything she did made me smile. Now I'm just stuck with the memories of it. I always drove in silence before her.

I found a space on Main Street and parked up. This seemed like a good idea in my head, and now I ain’t so sure about it. I feel stupid and that ain’t something I've felt very often in my life, I've worked damn hard to make sure of that.

I turned the engine off and realised what store is directly in front of me. Lainey’s favourite boutique. She never missed a chance to look at the jewellery in here, the way her face lit up when she saw that lightning bolt is burned into my brain.

If she ain’t here to have a look, then I'm going to have a look for her. The staff look surprised to see me back here. News travels fast in a place as small as this, and I'm sure they all know that English girl with the camera has gone back home.

“Do you need any help, sir?” The woman working asked.
“I'm good”, I kept it short, I just want to look.
“I'll be right here if you need me”, she gave me her best attempt at a wink.

I've never cared too much to take notice of girls flirting with me, there's always been one or two, no matter where I've been. Yet other than a one-night thing every now and then, I've never bothered, didn’t see the point in it. I wasn’t out here looking for a wife, never wanted that, so there was no point in going through with it. I'd be happy never to see another girl other than Lainey.

Shit, theres a lot of jewellery in here. I've been in this store twice and somehow missed how much there is. Guess that's because the first time I was too busy watching Lainey, and the second time I only came for the one thing. Well, I ended up with two, but the earrings were right next to the ring.

If she already has those, then I should probably look at other things. I'm out of my depth, but calling that girl over might make her think I'm trying to talk to her, and that's the last thing I fuckin’ want.

Nothing is shouting Lainey to me as I look through the necklaces, until I get right to the end of them. A heart-shaped stone with a barbed wire border on a silver chain, fuckin’ perfect. That’s something she would love, I know that. I'm getting it, just in case she ever comes back to see it herself. Is that weird? To buy something for her when I ain’t ever going to see her again?

“Is that all?” the girl licked her lips as she spoke.
“Yes”, I have no want to even look at her face.
“Is it for anyone special?” she practically purred at me.
“My wife”, the words came out before I thought.

“Oh, I didn’t know you were married. You slip the ring off when you go out?” ain’t no way this girl still thinks she stands a chance.
“No, don’t need a fuckin’ ring. If I had it my way, I'd never have to speak to another girl again in my life,” I bit.
“Okay, sorry. Here you go,” she handed the bag over.

My sunglasses must be hiding my eyes and expression better than I thought because surely there ain’t no way an girl wuld look at me right now and think fuck yeah. Lainey would, but that's different. She’d want to take care of me, cuddle up to me until we both got a good night's sleep.

Now, for what I'm actually in town for. I walked past the next row of stores until I got to the one I've been thinking about. A damn phone shop. The last place I would have ever had interest in going to.

I walked through the door and kept my head down. I have no fuckin’ idea what I'm looking for, I couldn’t be further away from my area of expertise. I just want something that has a camera and the internet. I'm not having it that everyone else can look at Lainey’s stuff and I can’t.

“Can’t help, but see that you look a little bit lost?” one of the guys from the store approached me.
“That ain’t none of your business,” I bit.
“You’re in my store, so I think it is”, he laughed, “tell me what you’re looking for. You’re not the first cowboy to walk in here with that expression on your face”

“I need something with a camera and internet”, I explained.
“That’s every phone made in the past ten years,” he laughed more.
“You gonna quit laughing and help me out or what?” If he don’t want a bull put through his window, he needs to get it together fast.

“Yes, sir”, he took a deep breath, “do you know any brands you might be interested in? What are you using now?”
“This”, I took out my phone.
“Okay, so you don’t know any phones from the past 10 years?” he looked shocked.

“Keep up, we’ve already discovered that”, I should have just brought one of the wranglers with me.
“Okay, if you’d just like to follow me, I'll show you the user-friendly section”, he gestured with his hand.
“I'm not a fuckin’ old man, I don’t need user-friendly”, I lied, he knows it’s a lie too.

“So usually when someone comes in who hasn’t had a smartphone, these are our two suggestions”, he put down two phones in front of me.
“Well, which one is better?” I asked.
“A lot of people prefer the Apple one”, he pointed down at the one on the left.
“I'll take that one,” I recognise the logo from Lainey’s phone and most of the wranglers.

“Do you have anyone at home to help you out with setting it up?” the guy asked.
“Yes”, I gave him a look to suggest that he needs to stop talking to me now.
“Well, good luck to them”, he half laughed as he passed the bag over.

Thank fuck that’s over. I never want to set foot in some kind of tech shop ever again, that ain’t made for people like me. If it wasn’t for Lainey, I'd have been happy to keep my old one until the day I die. All I needed was to be able to make calls, and that was perfect for just that.

I set both the bags on the passenger seat, then moved the phone down onto the floor. My brain is so fucked up, this is what it must feel like to be a completely fuckin’ broken man. It feels like disrespect to have a fuckin’ bag sitting in Lainey’s seat. The necklace is fine because it’s hers, but the other isn’t. Fuck it, it ain’t hurting anyone.

I started the ignition and set off home. The music playing filled the silence in the car as I let my thoughts drift off to ones of my girl. My hand moved over to grab onto her thigh out of instinct, just falling onto the leather chair instead.

Fuck, I forgot to get the actual supplies. I spun the truck around and headed back in the other direction. Shit, maybe I am getting old if I'm forgetting things as simple as this. Maybe it's the alcohol, I've never known a drunk who can remember things that happened ten minutes before. They can always remember ten years previous and that girl who left them, though. I ain’t turning into that, just gonna have to learn how to find comfort in the damn pain instead.

The list is short this week, I don’t know why both of those dipshits have to come together every week. One man is more than enough to get this stuff. I could put a stop to it, but I know Lainey would be sad if she knew that. For some reason she loved coming out with both of these idiots even after they let her drive that truck and damn near kill her.

I ain’t never forgiving both of them for that. I don’t get how two men could be so fuckin’ stupid, they’re lucky I didn’t take them both to the train station for it. My heart ain’t never dropped the way it did when I got that phone call to go and get them. I broke every damn law getting to her as fast as I did that day.

I purposely moved through the aisles to avoid the beer that sat on the shelf practically calling my fuckin’ name. I've been paying the man at the gas station's mortgage the past three months just by the amount of beer I've been buying from him.

I couldn’t stop the smirk coming from my face when I walked out those doors without buying any. Giving myself a mental pat on the back for not buying beer is crazy, but that’s exactly what I'm doing. I want to tell someone because that's a fuckin’ achievement. I want to tell Lainey. I'll put it in the letter.

I looked across the house when I got in and felt a disgust towards myself I ain’t never experienced before. The place is fuckin’ full of empty bottles and cans again, it's embarrassing. I've started clearing them, god knows how many times, but it just ends up the same again. That ends now.

A knock on the door stopped me before I could grab a trash bag to get started on throwing them all out. Shit, I forgot about Ryan coming over. I can’t have him see what the house looks like, what Lainey’s home looks like.

“Thanks for coming over,” I stepped out of the door before Ryan could step in.
“Sure, what do you need me for?” Ryan still seemed uncomfortable at being here.
“Need you to set this up for me”, I put the iPhone box down on the table.

“Oh shit, I wasn’t expecting that” Ryan looked like he was trying not to laugh.
“Why the fuck is everyone so shocked? A man can’t buy a phone these days?” I don’t get why it’s so fuckin’ funny.
“I ain’t laughing, Rip. I'll help ya,” Ryan went to take a seat on the porch.

“Let’s sit on the steps instead?” I cringed as I said it.
“Oh, okay. Sure?” The confusion was back again.
“That's Lainey’s seat” I looked down at the floor, don’t want to see someone realise how fuckin’ crazy I've gone.
“That’s fine, steps are good”, Ryan sat down.

Even watching him open the box is overwhelming. There ain’t no way nearly every person I see knows how to do this shit. Feel like you need to have gone to school for it or something, a damn degree in setting a phone up.

“Do you have an email address?” Ryan asked.
“You think I have an email address?” We both know that was a stupid question.
“Right, I'll set one of them up for you first” Ryan is doing a bad job at holding in his amusement.
“Quit laughing”, I threatened.

I know I should offer him a beer for coming over to help me, but I ain’t got one left other than the one that nearly killed me this morning. I don’t know how to explain that to him in a less concerning way, so I'm just not going to mention it.

“You gonna tell me why you suddenly needed a phone from this century?” Ryan asked.
“I need you to set me one of those accounts up, so I can see Lainey’s account. Don’t tell her, I just want to be able to see her photos,” I admitted.
“What an Instagram account?” Now he is laughing.
“What did I tell you about fuckin’ laughing. Yeah, one of those. Need you to show me how to use it too” I put a new toothpick in to distract from how fuckin’ stupid I feel.

I ain’t even gonna pretend to watch how he’s doing all of this shit. This phone better last me all of my fuckin’ life because I ain’t putting myself through asking someone else to do this again just so I can look at Laineys stuff like they all do.

‘Right, here you go. All set up,” he handed me the phone.
“How do I see Lainey’s photos?” I don’t care about anything else.
“Here, this is her account” he moved slowly so I could see what he was pressing.

This is just her actual photography that I can see. He must have missed something in my pretty fuckin’ simple explanation. Don’t get me wrong, I'm gonna spend a lot of hours looking at these too, my fuckin’ talented girl, but I want to see her actual daily life.

“How do I see the stuff she posts that you guys see?” I'm not understanding this.
“Oh, they’re on her private account. You have to request to follow her to see that” Ryan explained like I should have just fuckin’ known that.

“I can’t do that, I don’t want her to know I'm looking. How else can I see it?” I felt frustration rising in me.
“You can’t, you can only see it if she accepts you”, he spoke slowly, like I'm a child.
“You’re telling me I went through all of fuckin’ this not to be able to see it?” My toothpick snapped.

I'm taking the fuckin’ thing back to that store and sticking with my old one if I can’t see what I want to. There's no reason for me to have it otherwise. Why didn’t the man in the store explain all this following and accepting bullshit?

“I have one way you can do it. You gotta promise me something though, Rip” Ryan shook his head as he spoke.
“What is it?” I'm gonna strangle him if he doesn’t just tell me.
“I can log you in to my account that follows her. You absolutely cannot under any circumstance look at the messages though, theres some private shit in there” he looks like he knows it’s a bad idea.

“Done. Do it,” I urged him.
“Rip, I mean it. You can’t fuckin’ look,” he said again.
“I don’t even know how to send a message on there, you’re fine,” I assured him.
“Well shit, here goes nothing” Ryan laughed.

I've been scrolling for hours, and I've looked at every photo on this account at least twenty times. So many photos of her beautiful face, smiling through the screen at me. I feel like a man with an obsession. I could sit here and do this every evening for the rest of my life.

She’s done so many things we didn’t even get time to talk about, so many vacations of her smiling with the sunset behind her. Her beauty puts the sunset to shame every fuckin’ time. I get why everyone is obsessed with this social media bullshit now.

Just as my eyes were starting to shut, I saw something pop up on the screen. I sat up straight so I could tell if what I was seeing was really true or if I'm just dreaming this shit up. There ain’t no way.

Lainey: Stop ignoring my texts, you prick
Lainey: How is Rip doing this week? What’s new?

I stood up, I ain’t going nowhere, but I don’t know what to do with myself. I swore to Ryan I wouldn’t look at his messages, but that just popped up out of nowhere. My pretty fuckin’ girl asking how I am. She hasn’t forgotten about me.

A knock at the door woke me up. The sunlight was burning my eyes, but in a way I could deal with compared to the last three months of wake-ups. My head ain’t hurting at all either. I must have fallen asleep looking through Lainey’s photos. The knock sounded through the room again.

“Rip”, Mr Dutton's voice shouted.
“Yes sir” I opened the door to him with a pissed off expression.
“You’re fuckin’ late again. Do you even know what time it is?” he asked.
“No, sir. Sorry, what time is it?” I'm not sure if I even want to know the answer.
“It’s 10 AM” Fuck.

Before I could stop him, he opened the front door and took a step inside. He took a deep breath as he looked at the state of the place. I got too distracted by looking at Lainey to clean up like I was meant to.

“Sir, last night was the first night I ain’t had a drink. Must have fallen asleep before I could clean up. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again” Shit, it sounds like a weak excuse even I know that.
“You can’t go on like this, Rip. I won’t have my foreman living like this, you can’t even do your damn job” John sounded more disappointed than pissed.
“You’ve gotta believe me, I'm done with the drinking”, I pleaded.

“You know, I saw Lainey a few weeks ago. On a screen, but still, she looked exactly like you do. She ain’t doing good, Rip, and neither are you. I won’t have it anymore,” Mr Dutton's frustration was clear.
“She didn’t look good? Fuck, I don’t know what to say” I need to sit down.
“I'm not going to be easy on you like the rest of them. She’s a fuckin’ ghost of herself, Rip and clearly you’re the same. You need to get your shit together, fast” he walked over to the side of the couch.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this, sir. I thought she would stay, I thought she would realise and turn around and come home” fuck, I need to compose myself.
“You’re right, this is her home. She knows it just as much as we do,” he placed his hand on my shoulder.
“I ain’t having another drink, that’s it” I rubbed my hands over my face.
“You’re right, son, that is it. You have two options, you better pick the right fuckin’ one. I ain’t gonna watch you drink yourself to death” I could hear the trace of sadness in his voice.

He dropped something on the table and made his way out, shutting the door behind him. A brown envelope is now sitting between empty bottles. I hope that ain’t my last fuckin’ pay.

Chapter Text

Well, this is it. Today is the day. After today, I don’t have any reason to look back on any of these images unless I want to hurt myself. All of my Instagram posts have been scheduled to upload, so I don’t even have to do that. I've made it clear to Vanessa and the others that tonight is the only promotional event I'm willing to do. Much to their annoyance, but they took it better than I expected.

My bottle of Jameson is still sitting in my office unopened. I told myself I would open it once I had submitted everything, but if I could go that long, then I could wait a little bit longer. When I get home tonight, I will finally get to feel that burning in my throat as it goes down.

It’s been fucking hard, I can’t count how many times I've almost fell before the last hurdle with it. My body is still craving it with such strength I didn’t know the human body possesses. It’s an ache that can’t be satisfied by anything other than alcohol. How I've managed to stick to my word is beyond me.

I managed another trip back home, just two nights, but I was happy to take anything I was given at this point. I can’t call it my childhood bedroom because I'd already moved house ten times by the age of 15, but the bedroom there holds so many memories.

I'm not sure I could classify any of them as being good memories. Lying awake for hours listening out for any noise that could indicate my mum was in danger, begging myself not to fall asleep in case anything did happen, that I could have prevented.

I hit one of my worst lows in that room. My last letters were written, just waiting for someone to find them with hundreds of pills laid out just waiting for me to swallow. I took the first one, and then my cat scratched at my door. I let her in out of habit, and then panicked she might swallow one of them, so I flushed them all.

That little cat doesn’t even know how she saved my life by being so needy. Any minute I get to spend with her, I'm grateful for. I carry a guilt with me about leaving her behind there. I begged my mum to let me take her with me, and she said no. I'm sure it was just a way of spiting me, but I respected it.

I guess I look better than I originally did when I got back, I saw some of the concern lift off their faces when I visited most recently. Little do they know just how close me and my old friend whiskey are going to get real soon.

My cousin, Maisie, is now slightly obsessed with the idea of going out and living out her own little cowboy romance. One that Ryan is also very into the idea of, since things ended with him and Abby for the final time.

It’s hard trying to decide if I should encourage it or if I should open up about the fact that the heartache hasn’t got any better as much as I pretended to them it has. She’s a big girl and she can make her own decisions, but thats what I thought about myself and now it’s over three months later and I'm still fucked up beyond repair.

My last trip home was mainly for me to try and teach myself how to interact with humans again after hiding out in my flat for so long. I think I've remastered my act of being able to perform so well in front of people that they can’t tell there's a single thing wrong with me. It’s like a mask I can put on and then pull off aggressively as soon as I get back to being on my own.

The team reached out to me just over a week ago, confirming the venue for the night. It’s way bigger than one I would have picked myself. I tried, I sent a very detailed email suggesting different locations in Manchester, I think it would go down well in. I'm not convinced they even looked at any I mentioned, this one is at least triple the size.

It’s not that I don’t believe in my work, I know I'm pretty good behind a camera. It’s my overwhelming fear of failure that gets to me, mixed with impostor syndrome, which never ends up with a positive mindset. I'm filled to the brim with anxiety that there aren’t going to be many people who turn up, and that means I may as well have never gone over there to the big dogs behind the project.

I have invited a good number of people from my own life. Mainly just family because at this point I only have a small amount of friends remaining and I've been a shit friend to them for months, I have’t made one attempt to catch up with them since coming home.

I know from other launches like this, smaller ones of my own and from being forced to attend others that the publicists usually have a pretty big invite list so they can show off their talent. I just hope it’s got enough Manchester-based people on it, I point-blank refused to hold it in London. I want to go back to my bed tonight.

I jumped out of my skin the first time I was scrolling Instagram and an ad popped up advertising the launch. It seems like they’re targeting any English person with an interest in cowboys, which at this current time is quite a lot. They’re not the pictures I would have chosen myself to get people interested, but hot cowboys seem to be the selling point online.

I've had a few emails telling me the pre-orders for the book are doing good, more than they originally expected. That does make me feel proud, at least I know we’ve sold one copy that isn’t to a family member of mine.

They refused to let me have anything to do with the images that are going up in the venue as an exhibition, which infuriated me. I can take the photos, but I don’t get to direct anything about it? After a back and forth with Vanessa about it, I backed down. It’s not like they’re going to make anything look bad; this is how they make their money, too.

I guess I'm just worried about having to look out and see a giant image of Rip Wheeler's face looking back at me whilst I'm expected to talk and answer questions. It would amuse him, but I don’t think I'll see the funny in it until it’s over and I've had a few glasses.

I did get an email that made me happy, one asking if I would like to create the playlist for the night. Once the whole interview part of the night is done, everyone gets to talk and just enjoy themselves, so I put a full week of my life into perfecting the music. Every type of country is on there, so everyone will know at least one song. It’s perfectly created to match how the vibe always goes at these types of things. Upbeat songs at the start, much slower towards the end. If someone presses shuffle, I'll kill them.

I did put my nerves to good use yesterday. I deep-cleaned my entire flat for the first time since I got back. I'm pretty sure I nearly killed myself from the fumes of how many products I used. I ended up having to sit on my balcony for hours until it subsided slightly, but at least every single inch of the place is sparkling.

My phone screen lit up with a text, well, actually there are multiple texts that I've been ignoring whilst I overthink to extremes about all the ways tonight could go wrong. I've sent eight pictures to Vanessa of James to make sure security can recognise him if he does try to turn up and ruin the night.

Ryan: Hope it all goes well tonight! Call me tomorrow and tell me about it? If any of the women think I'm cute, get their number.

Colby: Smash it tonight!

Beth: Survived our first night here, see you later bitch

Vanessa: You need to be there for 5, no later. Remember to iron.

Maisie: We’ll be there for 6, your mum is in a good mood

They all made me laugh in their own way. I'm half looking forward to seeing Beth and John, both of my families mixing makes me uncomfortable, but I'm sure it’ll go down well. The joke is on Vanessa. I have thought about ironing. I just haven’t thought about what I'm going to wear.

If I need to be there for five, I have at least three hours of guilt-free scrolling time to ignore the anxiety that wants to exit my body via throwing up. I know I always doomscrolled before, but I have found a new meaning to it these past few months. I would rather cut all of my toes off than admit what my screen time has been, even just this week.

I opened TikTok and started trying to put my mind at ease. It wasn’t even ten videos in, and an ad popped up advertising my book. I will say, it was quite an amusing video put together by the social media team. With save a horse, ride a cowboy being such a popular phrase right now, they were right to use it. Did I once say that to Rip? I remember being at the bar when he put his hat on my head, but I can’t remember my exact words.

The pain isn't fading, but the memories are? I can’t handle that thought. I want to be able to close my eyes and remember any moment of our relationship whenever I want. I've just got to the point where I can choose to think about things without sobbing on the floor, and now that’s been taken from me?

Now I don’t even want to look at my phone. I'm going to go and sit on the balcony for a while and hope watching the water soothes my brain a little bit. Smoking out here is the one thing that sold me on this apartment, and my tenancy is up soon, so I need to at least try and enjoy it whilst I can.

Time flies fast when you’re doing nothing is a new discovery for me. When I pick my phone back up, those three hours I had are already gone. It didn’t feel like more than half an hour of watching the world go by.

I tackled shaving all of the body hair I've been letting run wild for a longer time than I'd like to admit. My preference would have been to wear jeans tonight, but I can’t deal with a disappointed look from the big bosses. I despise that it’s expected of girls to look good to sell something. I'm not selling a book full of photos of my so why should it matter? Yet I'm moisturising my smooth legs.

I opened my wardrobe and immediately shut it again. Looking at all of the options is going to leave me standing there for at least forty-five minutes. I just need to think back to an outfit I felt good in and copy that.

Denim dress with the zip and collar always went down well with Rip, there isn’t one part of me that would deny I'm not just getting changed into something I know he would like to see me in. I want to be able to feel close to him tonight. Usually, it would just make me sad, but I need that extra feeling of comfort to get me through it.

I looked through all of my boots, pretending like I don’t know which pair I'm going to choose already. The grey and pink Ariats with Rip’s initials branded into them. They still have a light layer of dust on them from the fair, which makes my heart hurt. That was the best night of my life.

I'm going to curl my hair; it’s been a long time since I bothered doing anything with it. There's going to be a photographer there tonight, and I would like to look nice for the photos. I guess it’s another little treat for myself, along with that bottle of Jameson, just counting down the minutes until I crack it open.

Once that is done, I move over to my jewellery. I don’t want to wear too much, I hate feeling overdressed, and that is guaranteed to do it for me. I slip the lightning bolt onto my finger and admire it for a moment. Rip truly did shock me when he handed it over, he has the kindest heart. I just hope he’s treating himself better. No one will give me the real answer anymore, hopefully I can get it out of Beth.

I put the beautiful matching set of earrings in and the necklace in memory of my grandad. Simple yet I feel good with it all, I couldn’t sit there on whatever stage set up they’ve made without feeling comfortable.

I checked myself over in the mirror for the final time, slipping on my glasses and finishing it off with my cowboy hat. A small smile made its way onto my face as I thought about the fact that Rip will have his on right now in the hills of Montana.

Something feels like it’s missing, and I can’t quite put my finger on it. I checked over the contents of my bag for a final time, as long as my cigarettes and lighter are in there, nothing else matters, so what is it?

Just as I got to the door, I gave one last glance at the flat and spotted it. Rip’s jacket. If I want to feel close to him, then that’s what I need. I put it on and felt a peace come over my body as the smell of him sat on my skin.

My Uber pulled up at the venue, and I felt my anxiety come back with vengeance. I take a few deep breaths to try and settle it so I don’t just throw up in the middle of the street. Security is already on the door, which makes me feel better about any possible appearance from James. He wouldn’t have been able to charm his way in before it started.

The place looks incredible. I take back anything I've said about not choosing the images myself. They’ve picked an amazing set that sets the tone of the book. The guys would laugh their asses off if they could see themslves blown up this big. I took a few pictures to send to them of it.

The smile was on my face until I spotted the one photo I hoped they hadn’t decided on. My fucking cowboy. That one of him resting on the fence looks as incredibly handsome as ever. I felt the tears build in my eyes as I took it in. god, I fucking love him. I miss him so much, my body aches for him.

“Amazing, right?” Vanessa appeared by my side, looking as good as ever.
“Yeah, they did a good job”, I tried to compose myself.
“Come and look at the set-up in here”, she directed me through to the main room.

Fuck, this is a lot of chairs. I know I was hoping for a smaller venue already, but I underestimated how many people they would be able to fit in. I hope some of the crew who have put it together are still going to be hanging around in case they need to take some chairs away.

“There isn’t any way this many people are coming”, my voice came out quietly.
“You’re joking, right, Lainey? The tickets sold out, we had to make a waiting list for if people cancel,” she grins as she speaks.
“What? I didn’t even know there were tickets for it?” I'm truly baffled.
“Yep, seems to have created a little social media frenzy. Expecting to see a lot of cowboy hats in here tonight,” she faked a lasso around her head before heading off to some men in suits.

I took a seat randomly on one of the rows of seats. This is insane. This is probably going to be the biggest night of my entire career, and I don’t get to share it with the love of my life. I mean, technically, he’s here; his face is big enough for the whole of Manchester to see, but I wish I could share it with him properly. I can just imagine how big his grin would be for me.

I put my best fake smile on my face as Vanessa came to get me to introduce me to a bunch of people I'm probably never going to see again. They were all full of praise for me, which is nice to hear, but it doesn’t take a genius to know it’s a script they say to every creative whose exhibition they go to.

“Lainey!” an unmistakable voice shouted.
“How is Manchester treating you guys?” I walked over.
“It’s pretty good, I thought it was just you who spoke funny”, John joked.
“You look fuckin’ hot” Beth looked me up and down.

John went in for a hug, and I think he was shocked at how much I melted into it. It’s been a long time since I had any affection, and he’s been within proximity to Rip this week, so that means he gets a bigger hug than usual. That and I had missed both of them a hell of a lot.

“This looks amazing, Lainey”, John grinned as he looked around.
“You’re not disappointed in it?” I double checked.
“Disappointed? How the fuck could I be disappointed?” he laughed.
“I bet Jamie is sitting in his little pit of hell crying right now, knowing how well it’s all turned out” Beth threw her head back with laughter.

“You look good, last time I saw you, I thought about coming to fly you back myself,” Beth smirked.
“Yeah, I looked pretty fucking rough huh? Hopefully my eye bags are slightly more hidden today,” I joked.
“Is that Rip’s initials on your boots? And his jacket? I wondered where that had gone,” John asked innocently.
“I wanted to feel close to him tonight”, I smiled sadly.

“Is it still the biggest mistake of your life?” Beth asked like it was the easiest question in the world to ask.
“Thank you for bringing that up. It is, it haunts me every second of the day,” I answered honestly.
“Good to know. At least you get to have a night to celebrate you, it seems like you needed it,” she gave me a knowing look.

“Yeah, I love all the attention being on me”, I joked “How is Rip doing? Can I get an honest answer, please? Ryan is keeping it short”
“I gave him a choice a couple of weeks ago. He chose the one that keeps him at the ranch. It got bad, there isn’t much else to say,” John answered.
“Bad is the understatement of the fuckin’ century, daddy. He was drinking himself to death, now he’s still heartbroken, but without alcohol on his breath,” Beth added.
“I'll never forgive myself for doing this to him”, I confessed.

Our catch-up was interrupted when Vanessa made her way over, wanting to finally meet the Duttons for herself. Neither Beth nor I missed the look on John’s face when he looked at her. I should tell the bartenders to water down her drinks. I have no idea how well Beth would take her father hooking up with an English woman.

More and more people started making their way through the doors, a lot more cowboy hats than I expected. I love to see it, but with every person that comes in, I feel more overwhelmed. That bottle of whiskey has never felt more appealing than it does right now.

My family walking in is the only thing that distracted me from my daydreaming. I'm so glad they could all make it. I know it’s a long journey here just for one night. Well, I do it in reverse quite a lot, I just never expect somebody to do it for me.

I grabbed Beth and John and introduced them all. It’s so weird to look at, it feels like people who were never meant to meet. Yet it seems like they’re all going to get along pretty well for one night. I didn’t miss the fake smile Beth gave my sister, though. I love that crazy woman.

It wasn’t long before I was pulled away to get ready to go on the stage. As I looked out over the crowd with the lights now dimmed, meaning I could only see the first few rows, I got a weird feeling. Something isn’t right. I don’t know what it is, but it’s enough to make me want to say something.

“Can you get security to look through all of the rows and make sure he isn’t here?” I asked Vanessa in a panic.
“Lainey, I promise you he isn’t here. I will get them to check, but he isn’t,” she tried to ease my mind.
“Who?” John asked from next to me.
“Can you explain whilst I go for a quick smoke, please? You don’t have to hold any information back,” I nodded as confirmation.

The cool air on my face feels amazing. I didn’t realise just how warm I was getting in my slightly panicked state. I believe that he wouldn’t have been able to get passed the security, but I have that gut feeling. Something I just can’t place. I finished the cigarette and walked back in.

“He absolutely isn’t here” Vanessa gave me a reassuring smile.
“If he were, I would fuckin’ kill him with my own hands”, John said, seriously.
“I think I would too tonight”, I joked to ease the tension.
“Let’s get this mic on you, and then we’re good to go”, she pointed me to the guy waiting for me.

I immediately felt like I was about to pass out as I walked onto the stage. There are a hell of a lot of people here. More than I could have ever prepared myself for. I put a piece of extra-strong chewing gum in and felt the burn from it ease my initial panic.

Thank god I'm not up here by myself. John is by my side, and Vanessa is the one sitting opposite us, asking the questions. They did talk about getting someone else in to do it, but I begged them to let it be someone I know, and for once, they listened.

I'm managing not to stumble on my words too much or speak too fast, the way I failed many presentations back in university. John is an absolute natural in front of the crowd; he can sense my anxiety and is doing his best to ease me from it, cracking jokes whenever he can.

I couldn’t help but keep trying to scan the crowd for the one face I needed to know wasn’t there, but the lights made it impossible. I need to focus on the questions, I'm not going to let him take up any of my headspace today. This might be the biggest day of my life, and it would fill him with joy to know I'm thinking about him.

“Lainey, can you talk us through this photo? Seems to be a fan favourite,” Vanessa laughed, as the crowd did.
“That's just cowboys being cowboys”, I joked, “we found the vest at a random gas station and we all thought it would be hilarious. We did get told off for it, but it was worth it”
“Who did you get in trouble with, John?” she pried.
“No, not John. I mean, I'm sure you wouldn’t have been too happy with it. The ranch foreman, it was an unfortunate moment for him to walk in,” I explained.

I tried my damn hardest to keep a smile on my face talking about Rip. John grabbed my hand as soon as he knew what was coming. He really is the father figure I've always needed in my life. I believe him when he says, in his eyes, I'm one of his.

“Now we’re opening up the questions to the room, we’re going to go with ones for John first?” The relief at that must have been clear on my face.

So many hands flew up, I'm so happy for him. He loves talking about his home; no one is more proud of it than him. Hopefully, he talks enough that it makes us short on time for me to have to answer any.

Unfortunately, that isn’t happening. They have this down to a tight schedule, which I'm sure has disappointed John slightly. He has the rest of the night after this to talk to anyone who has a question, so I'm sure he’ll make up for it.

“Now for Lainey?” Vanessa opened it up to the crowd again.
“You here, on the third row”, she picked for me, thank god.
“Hi, you said in your acknowledgement that you found your home there. Do you have any plans to go back? Maybe a second book?” the man asked.
“At this moment, I don’t have any plans to go back. As for a second book, you’ll have to email my team about that,” I joked it off.
“Please do email them, we all want her back with us”, John added.

I don’t know why I expected the crowd to just tell me how bad they think the book is. I'm the worst photographer they’ve ever seen and things along that line. They’re all incredibly nice and have a genuine interest in my work, which is so nice to hear.

“Girl in the cowboy hat, yep right there”, Vanessa picked again.
“What I want to know is how you managed to be around all of those hot cowboys and not fall in love? I don’t think I would have managed to come back home,” the woman laughed as I cringed.
“That's a hard question. My honest answer is, I didn’t manage that. I fell hopelessly in love. He’s there in the book. Leaving Yellowstone and editing these photos is the hardest thing I've ever done,” I replied.

Well, that's one way of making sure the reviews and blog posts that will get written this week are interesting. I could pretend like I'm not going to read them, but that would be the biggest lie. I do wonder if they will be able to figure out which cowboy I meant.

We took a few more questions, which luckily weren’t about my love life and then closed it up. It was a deafening round of applause, one I couldn’t be more grateful for. I can’t say it’s made all the pain of leaving Rip worth it, nothing ever will, but at least it felt like it wasn’t all for nothing. I can be miserable for the rest of my life, knowing at least the images were received well.

There were a lot of people waiting around, wanting to ask their own questions that didn’t get picked from the crowd. Ones I will be happy to answer once I get out of this place for ten minutes. I feel suffocated and need nicotine.

I excused myself and promised I would return and found a side door to escape from. I thought Beth might have followed me, but I guess she could see I needed a moment to myself. As soon as I sit down on the curb, the emotions come flying back to me.

I want to tell Rip how it’s all gone. There are hundreds of people in that room, and not one of them is the person I want to speak to. I lit my cigarette as I stared at my phone screen, my finger hovering over the button.

Fuck it. I need him, I need to hear his voice. I pressed the call button, the dial noise louder than I expected, it’s so quiet out here. The second it started ringing, a phone rang further down the street. The reality hit me, and I ended the call. He doesn’t need me calling him up out of the blue. The phone that rang was an iPhone, for a second, a part of me thought it could be him until I realised the familiar tone.

“Hey there, darlin’”, Rip’s voice sounded like it came from next to me.

“God, I'm going fucking crazy. I miss him so fucking much” I laughed.

“You’re not crazy, baby” his voice sounded so real, the tears started flowing from my eyes.

“Baby, please just turn your head” I fucking hate my brain.

This is it, I've finally fully lost the plot. Yet I still feel like I need to listen to it and turn my head.

I can see a pair of cowboy boots next to me. I need to compose myself. I can’t be sitting here crying on the curb when some guy wants to talk to me about the book. I hoped no one had seen me sneak out this way.

“Sorry, I just needed a minute, I'll be back in there in a second” I looked up to see who it was, so I could find them in there.

There’s no way I'm seeing what I'm seeing. There’s no fucking way.

“Baby, please stand up and give me a kiss”, Rip looked down at me.
“Is this real? I don’t understand what’s happening,” I spoke out loud.
“I'm here, baby, I'm real. I couldn’t miss your big night” he smirked down at me, that fucking smirk.

Before I could speak again, there were familiar strong arms around me, lifting me back up onto my feet. I'm still not convinced I'm not hallucinating this until he pulled me against him and cradled my head against his chest, moving my hat to place little kisses on top of my head.

“You did amazing up there, darlin’, you’re fuckin’ amazing”, he spoke softly.
“I missed you so fucking much. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry. Biggest mistake of my life,” I sobbed into his black shirt.
“You know you never have to say those words to me, baby. I'm sorry I didn’t try harder, I thought I was doing the right thing,” he tilted my head back to look up at him.

Those piercing blue eyes looked back down at me, a stray tear running down his sun-kissed cheek. He looks incredible. I think my heart is going to burst. My hand moved to feel for those curls coming from the back of his hat. They’ve been cut, but they’re just a bit shorter than they were.

“How? What? How are you here?” The words were struggling to come out of my mouth.
“Beth figured it out. Mr Dutton told me he was giving me a choice to get my shit together and left the passport and ticket sat on the table. I didn’t ask any more questions, just knew I was getting on that fuckin’ plane,” he smiled the biggest smile.
“Of course she did”, I laughed through a sob “, I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I made the wrong choice, I was so fucking wrong”

“Baby, stop crying. I'm here. Can’t have you crying on your big night. We can talk about it all tonight. If you want to?” he suddenly looked sheepish.
“I never want to stop talking to you, cowboy. I don’t want to go another five minutes without talking to you,” I looked at him with amazement.
“I'm here for a few days, gonna need you to show me around, darlin’. I didn’t think there would be many cowboys here, but it seems like I'm wrong,” he laughed.

“Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are? My pretty girl. My initials on your boots and my fuckin’ jacket,” he wiped the last tears off my face.
“I've spent the past three months haunted by your handsome face every fucking day. You’re the hottest man on this planet, Rip Wheeler,” I laughed.
“Shit, we’re gonna make some cute babies darlin’. Let’s get inside, people are waiting to speak to you,” he pulled me against him once more.

We both stopped for a second, a silence surrounding us as we just stared at each other. As if we’re both double-checking this is real. He moved slowly to place a soft kiss on my lips. This was the confirmation we both needed. That same spark I felt when we touched hands for the first time buzzes through me.

I can’t even begin to explain the emotions that are going through me right now. Rip is here. He is right here in Manchester. He got on a plane and came all this way to see me. I have never felt as loved as I do in this moment.

“Before you go off to speak to people, could I have this dance, baby? I ain’t ready to take my hands off you just yet,” Rip spoke quietly in my ear, sending goosebumps across my skin.
“Yes, please, cowboy,” my mouth hurt from how big I'm smiling.

Rip’s skin on mine felt like everything I've ever needed. He’s here now, and everything is okay. All the worries in my mind are gone. Everything is okay again. The pain has gone.

Cover Me Up by Morgan Wallen started playing as we stepped onto the small dance floor. His hands gripping onto me as tightly as they can. I looked around the room quickly, my eyes falling on Beth and John stood watching us. The biggest grins on their faces as we move slowly.

So, girl, leave your boots by the bed
We ain't leaving this room
'Til someone needs medical help
Or the magnolias bloom
It's cold in this house and I ain't going out to chop wood
So cover me up and know you're enough
To use me for good

“Thank fuck thats all over now, couldn’t bare to see both of your miserable faces any longer” Beth laughed as we walked over to them.
“I don’t have the words other than thank you so much, fuck you for keeping a secret like this all night, but I don’t think I'll ever be able to say thank you enough” I shook my head in amazement as I spoke.

“I'm just sorry it took us this damn long to figure it out. You two are meant for each other, and I get my foreman back and hopefully you, Lainey,” John smiled.
“Yes, sir, you do. Shit, I might even smile at them every once in a while again” Rip joked.
“Both of you have some catching up to do, looks like your family might want to meet him from the looks on their faces”, John gestured over to them.

I know Rip’s life well enough to know he hasn’t been introduced to a family before. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out this is the man they’ve all seen me so fucked up over and I hope they can at least pretend to be nice to him. Being happy for me is something some of these people here have never been good at. I can see the grin on my nanna’s face as we move closer towards them, my hand squeezing Rip’s as tightly as possible.

“Hello, you’re Rip? I've heard a lot about you. It’s lovely to meet you,” she went straight in for a hug.
“Yes, Ma’am, it’s great to meet you, too,” Rip smirked at me as he hugged her back.
“I do have to tell you, though, if you’re ever responsible for Lainey ending up in the state she’s been in ever again, I will kill you with my bare hands”, she warned him, making me laugh.
“As long as she’s with me, I promise to make sure she never feels sad again. Even for one minute,” Rip assured her, in a way anyone can see, is the complete truth.

He went around them all introducing himself and making bits of small talk. It’s so beautiful to see, he looks so genuinely happy. He’s also holding back on any curse words falling out of his mouth, which is hilarious to me. I still can’t quite believe he’s here with me.

“Hi, I'm Lainey’s mum. We’ve spoken on the phone,” she greeted him awkwardly.
“We have. She got her ability to swear like a sailor from you?” he tried to joke.
“Oh, so she’s told you lots of great things about me, then?” She gave me a warning look.
“She’s told me a lot. The aim of my life is to make sure she feels loved every single fuckin’ day of hers, the love she deserves to feel” I can see his jaw clamped shut, holding back the things he wants to say to her.
“I hope you do”, I saw a faint, sad look go over her face.

The rest of the evening flew by fast. I made sure to speak to every single person who approached me with more enthusiasm than I've had in me in months. There's something about having Rip by my side that makes me feel like I can do anything. He will always be there to hold me up with the proudest smile on his face.

We had to pose for a bunch of photos, the uncomfortable look on his face as he tried to smile next to an extremely large picture of himself is something that’s going to make me laugh forever. They may as well delete all the photos from earlier in the night, that fake smile is gone. My face hurts from how big I'm smiling now.

We said our goodbyes to everyone after the bar announced its last call. I want one on one time with my cowboy, we have a fucking lot to discuss and catch up on. I have a full night of apologising to get through.

“Lanes!” a voice shouted out as we walked down the empty road.
“Fuck” was the only word that came out of my mouth.
“What’s up, baby?” Rip looked concerned.
“It’s James”, I whispered as the figure walked closer to us.

“I'm not sure who you are, but I need a minute to speak to my girl” James smiled a sickening smile.
“Your fuckin’ girl?” Rip laughed a dark laugh.
“Yes, so get the hint and fuck off” James spat.
“You think I don’t know who you are? The man who’s only big enough to lay hands on women? Only big enough to have laid hands on my fucking girl?” Rip looked down at him.

“I'm not sure what Lainey has told you, she always had an overactive imagination” The look in his eyes made me feel sick.
“Just turn around and go home, James, you don’t hold any power over me anymore,” I pleaded.
“Yeah, or what? What are you going to fucking do Lainey? Cry on the floor like you used to?” he laughed at me.

That was it, that was all Rip needed to lose all the control he had been holding. James’ head hit the wall with a thud as Rip’s hands wrapped around his throat. I can see the panic in his eyes as he looks at me, a silent plea for me to help him.

“If I had it my way, you would have already breathed your last fuckin’ breath. You don’t know the amount of time I've spent thinking about all the ways I could fuckin’ torture you before ridding you from this fuckin’ world,” Rip hissed.
“You’ve got it wrong,” James tried to speak, “let me go, I'll never speak to her again”
“Speak to her again? You’ll never even fuckin’ think of her again, or it’ll be the last thing you ever do” Rip spoke in a tone that sent shivers down my spine.

I watched silently as Rip dropped his grip on James, falling to the floor in a heap as he tried to catch his breath. Rip stood over him with a smirk on his face, daring him to try and do something so he has an excuse to kill him right here in the street. James held his hands up in surrender, far too scared to ever risk fighting a man.

Just as James thought it was safe to try and stand up, Rip swung his foot at his face. A crunch echoed through the street as blood started pouring from his nose and lip. The shock and panic on his face almost made me laugh.

“Your blood ain’t even worthy of being on my hands”, Rip laughed.
“Sorry” was all James could attempt to say as he spat what looked like multiple teeth out of his mouth.

Rip came back by my side, wrapping an arm around me as we watched him struggle to stand up and walk away. There isn’t a part of me that's scared; I never have to feel scared again. Rip will make sure of that.

“Are you okay, baby?” Rip whispered to me, his voice soft again.
“I'm good. Is it bad to say I enjoyed watching that?” I smirked.
“That's my fuckin’ girl” Rip let out a hearty laugh.

We waited a minute before calling an Uber, just making sure he had actually left and wasn’t going to attempt to come back. I knew he wouldn’t, he had never been enough of a man to do that. I'm just happy Rip didn’t kill him, that would have took time away from us being together tonight and I would have been pissed at that.

“Wow, this place is nice, darlin’”, Rip looked around my apartment.
“Thank you, it isn’t Montana, though”, I joked.
“Baby, what's this?” Rip picked up the bottle of Jameson.

“I forgot about that. I bought it on my first week back, told myself I could have the whole bottle as a celebration. Fought myself every day not to drink it, I had been counting down the minutes until getting back tonight to open it. I forgot all about it,” I admitted.
“I'm sorry, darlin’”, he looked at me with the saddest eyes.

I watched him walk into the kitchen, the bottle still in his hand. He slowly opened the bottle and started pouring it down the sink. A couple of hours ago, I would have fought to the death for that bottle. Now I can feel the pain leaving my body as it slowly moves down the drain.

“Take me to bed, cowboy,” I smiled.
“You don’t know how long I've been waiting to hear those fuckin’ words, darlin’” Rip’s face lit up.
“I haven’t slept properly since the last time I slept next to you”, I confessed.
“Baby, I haven’t felt a bed since the last time you slept next to me”, Rip laughed.
“What? Where have you been sleeping?” I felt the concern come over me.
“That damn couch” Rip smirked.

I'm not sure I've ever taken my clothes off so fast. All I want is to be able to feel Rip’s skin on mine again. Healing parts of me I didn’t even know needed healing. It means I get to watch him undress too, one of my favourite things in the whole fucking world. I couldn’t hide the shock on my face when I saw what he pulled out of his pocket.

“Is that an iPhone?” I asked.
“Sure is”, Rip looked proud of himself.
“What? When did that happen? Why did that happen?” I couldn’t hide the amusement on my face.
“I got sick of all of those dipshits being able to see your instagram and not me” he confessed.

“You know what Instagram is?” Now I'm really laughing.
“Your old man is getting modern, baby”, Rip grinned “I swapped the drinking for looking through yours at your pretty face until I'd fall to sleep”
“Wait, how did you get to see my private account?” I watched Rip’s eyes open wider.
“Well, that I wasn’t meant to tell you,” he cringed.
“Say no more, cowboy. I know when something has Ryan written all over it,” I joked.

The noise that came out of Rip when he felt the soft mattress was like something I've never heard before. I wanted to laugh, but it made me sad at the same time. His bones must be aching from sleeping on that couch for so long.

“Did you sleep in the hotel bed last night?” I asked.
“No, slept on the sofa in the room. Didn’t feel right to think of sleeping in one without you next to me, darlin’” My heart hurts.
“Please get comfy, does it feel good?” I waited on my side until he found his spot.
“Will feel better when my pretty girl is on me”, he lifted his arm for me.

Everything felt like it fell into place as soon as my head rested on that chest of his. The warmth of his skin immediately put my brain to rest. This is where I belong, wherever Rip Wheeler is. Our limbs tangled together, soft smiles resting on our faces.

“Baby?” Rip spoke.
“Yes, cowboy?” I tilted my head to look up at him.
“I love you so fuckin’ much it hurts”, he pushed away the hair from my face.
“I love you, too. More than I can ever tell you,” I smiled.
“Please don’t ever leave me again. I won’t survive it,” he whispered.
“I never want to be without you. Guess I have a lot of packing to do,” I placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

Chapter Text

Saying goodbye to Rip again was rough; if we could have had it our way, he would have just flown back when I did. John had already been far too kind to us, so we just accepted we would have to be a part for a little bit longer until I had everything ready to go.

It’s only two weeks, is all we kept telling ourselves, but it still didn’t make it any easier. It meant two weeks of being unable to sleep properly all over again. When Rip isn’t near me, it’s impossible for me to just go to sleep normally.

I did try and tell him that he should sleep in his bed again, I'm coming back for it. That wasn’t something he wanted to hear, though, he will stay on the couch until I get back there, and in his words, make it a home again.

We got three full days together, we spent some of the time walking around Manchester, but most of it just in the flat together. Trying to make up for three months of lost time together in any way we could. A lot of cuddles, a fucking lot of sex, I couldn’t get enough of his hands being all over me.

Packing up has kept me occupied, who knew how much stuff you end up just collecting in five years of living somewhere? I got rid of way more stuff than I would have ever imagined I owned. I'm starting a new life, so what is the point in taking so much from my old life with me?

Rip’s newfound love for technology has made it easier for us to keep in touch. FaceTime blew his mind and has become his new favourite thing. A night doesn’t go by that we don’t sit for hours talking about anything and everything. He was happy with the Polaroids I left for him all that time ago, he couldn’t have been happier when he learnt what else he could see on FaceTime…

I didn’t realise it at first, but I have slowly moved my body over to existing on Montana time. If my sleep is going to be this dysfunctional, then it just makes sense to move it over, so I don’t have to adjust too much when I get there.

When Beth told me she would sort everything out for a new Visa, she wasn’t lying; she had set the wheels in motion with that when they got Rip a passport. All I had to do was go to the embassy for the interview last week, and it was approved. I don’t need to renew anything for another three years, so we have nothing to worry about.

Rip: What time are you leaving? I miss you baby Xxx

His text came through just as I called for an Uber. I looked around the flat one last time and said my goodbyes. The moving people came yesterday, taking some of the boxes home and the rest to the shipping company for them to be sent over to my new home.

I don’t feel any sadness leaving this place behind, it served me well, but it's time for me to go and live my life with the love of my life. The love of my life, who decided the most English thing he would do is start leaving kisses on the ends of his texts. It makes me smile every time I see them pop up on the screen.

Me: On my way there now. Counting down the minutes Xxx

As soon as I was through security, I headed straight for duty free to stock up on cigarettes, then over to the smoking area to try and calm my nerves about flying. No matter how many times I fly, it always scares me to death; hopefully, it’ll be a smooth flight.

I made a couple of calls to family letting them know I'm about to board. It’s going to be weird not having the ability to just drive and see them whenever I feel like it and stay over when I get permission, but it feels freeing at the same time.

Me: Just boarded. See you soon, cowboy Xxx

Rip: Ryan put a flight tracking thing on my phone. Safe flight pretty girl, I love you Xxx

Me: I love you Xxx

I need to tell Ryan to stop putting things on Rip’s phone, he’s a week away from downloading Candy Crush or something and getting obsessed with it. He’s going to end up becoming a Facebook mom who clicks suspicious links.

I can’t believe Ryan managed to keep Rip coming over a secret. It makes sense now why he started being so vague about how he was doing when I would ask. I'm excited to see them all and catch up.

Hopefully, now Rip has seen that I do have the ability to drive, he’ll trust me to join some more supply runs. Maybe I could even get a truck of my own, but like a miniature version of them that I could park.

Once the plane was up in the air, I put my headphones in and tried to get comfortable. It’s a long flight ahead. My mind went to thinking about how nervous I was to fly over there last time. Just wanting to make sure I did good and got all the photos I needed.

This time I'm going over with a massively successful book behind me, one that keeps selling more and more copies. Finding work isn’t something I'm going to have to worry about for quite a while. I guess I'll just join the guys out in the fields most days. I've got pretty good at cowboying, and I enjoy doing it.

I'll find something to do photography-wise at some point, I just don’t know what it’ll be yet. There are so many options, following the rodeo circuit for a summer could be fun, but that means being without Rip. He did offer to build a studio on the ranch before, that could be a good idea. For now, I think I'll just carry on as I did before, but with less pressure. I could spend the next year putting together another book.

“Cabin crew, please prepare for landing in Montana”

The words woke me up. I must have passed out at some point. I think I needed that, I feel good, but that could be because I know I'm about to fall into the arms of my cowboy. I suddenly became aware that other people can see me, and I'm smiling like a crazy person.

Me: Landed safely Xxx

Rip: Welcome home baby Xxx

The queue at passport control is long, and I'm feeling impatient knowing Rip is just behind those doors waiting for me. I got the usual questioning, but was let through without any issues. All I need to do now is grab my suitcase that has everything I'll need until my boxes arrive.

I took a deep breath to try and calm my excitement before walking to the doors. I can see people waiting behind. Rip is never hard to spot, a ghost to many people, but so clear to me. Even clearer with the big sign he’s standing with, a grin plastered on his face as his toothpick sits between his teeth.

The sign reads ‘Welcome home, Lainey!’ in huge colourful writing. I fished my phone out of my pocket to take a picture of it, a moment I will never want to forget. The contrast of my dark man with such a thing in his hand has me on the verge of laughter.

He dropped it on the floor as soon as I was close enough to him that he could wrap me up in his arms. Squeezing me as tightly as he possibly can, this is all I need in life. The sound of Rip’s laughter is music to my ears as he picks me up and spins me before setting me back down.

“God, I fuckin’ missed you, baby”, he whispered in my ear.
“Two weeks is too long, can we make sure that never happens again, please?” I joked.
“Oh, that ain’t never happening again, you’re home now, darlin’. Never letting you out of my sight again,” he beamed down at me.
“I'm not going anywhere, cowboy”, I smiled.

Rip grabbed my bags and headed towards the truck, walking on the outside so I could catch up on some nicotine. It’s colder than it was when I landed hear the first time, Rip has warned me all about the winters here. I'm not too worried, I'll just use Rip as my heat source whenever I need it. That man is hot in all senses of the word.

“Who made the sign?” I asked as he loaded up the truck.
“Tate did, little guy is pretty excited to see you. The rest of the guys helped him, too,” Rip smirked.
“You’re allowing arts and crafts in the bunkhouse now?” I teased.
“Just this once, you’re always the exception, darlin’”, he kissed my head before opening the door.

It’s a long drive back from the airport, and I couldn’t be happier about it. Rip still has the same CD from the night we danced in the arena playing, 25 songs that make him think of me, just playing on repeat. I know the order of it off by heart at this point, but I'm not sure he’ll ever take it out.

“You know, now you have a phone from this century, you can just play music off that?” I asked.
“I can? Could you put all of these songs onto it in case the CD breaks?” he looked so innocent.
“I'll do it for you later. You can play pretty much every song ever written on it” I tried to hold back my amusement.
“I don’t need any more than these, baby, actually, could you add that one we danced to?” he smiled as he reminisced.
“Sure can, cowboy. Let me put it on now and show you how it all works.” It's never seemed more relatable than right now.

So, girl, hang your dress out to dry
We ain't leaving this room
'Til Percy Priest breaks open wide
And the river runs through
And carries this house on its stones
Like a piece of driftwood
So, cover me up and know you're enough
To use me for good

The landscape is just as jaw-dropping this time around. I still can’t believe people just live with this as their backyard every day of their lives. The city felt suffocating to be in as soon as I stepped foot back there. I was being suffocated by the thoughts of Rip at every moment, but still, how can anyone feel free in a city when there is all of this beauty to be seen?

Part of that beauty is being able to look over and see my cowboy humming along to our songs as we drive down the quiet roads. His hand is securely placed on my thigh, moving slowly up and down. I'm not sure if it's just about comforting me, I think Rip feels it too when his skin is touching mine.

“What do you think about stopping at the diner for something to eat?” Rip broke the nice silence.
“What I'm hearing is pancakes?” I licked my lips at the thought.
“Fuck yeah, pancakes are our thing baby” he laughed.
“Absolutely yes,” my stomach growled as I thought about them.
“I'll make you mine in the morning, too, baby”, Rip grinned.
“God, I love you, cowboy”, I said, squeezing the hand resting on my thigh.

When we pulled up at the diner, I couldn’t help the grin that appeared on my face. God, I have missed American food. Sure, most of it is bad for you, but it’s good, and I don’t have anything bad to say about it. I need a Coke as big as my head with enough sugar for two weeks inside of it.

My order was a no-brainer, I need, not want, need those pancakes we had before. With extra syrup too. Rip ordered the same as me, and I'm glad he did. He needs to bulk up again. To other people, it might not be too noticeable, but to me, it is. He’s going to be eating good again now he has Gator and me to look after him.

“Hi Rip”, a woman appeared at the end of the table. She’s pretty.
“Do I know you?” his answer nearly made me choke on my food.

“I served you a few weeks ago. You were telling me about your wife. Neither of you wear a ring, huh?” She looked me up and down, displeased with what she saw.
“I don’t need my husband to wear a ring, he’d happily never look at another woman ever again other than me” I gave her a sarcastic smile, telling her to fuck off without the words.
“Funny, that’s what he said too” She turned and left swiftly.

I have no idea where the word wife has come from, but I'm always going to roll with it when it involves Rip. A few weeks into being here, I would have been convinced I've just found out Rip has a secret wife, that I finally found something wrong with him. Now I know him well enough to know there just isn’t an issue, he’s my perfect man.

“I like the sound of that”, Rip smiled.
“The sound of what?” I asked, confused.
“You calling me your husband baby”, he smirked.
“Seems that's what some people just think I call you anyway?” I joked.
“That’s the way I want it, darlin’” I can feel my face getting red, this is a conversation I didn’t expect on my first day back here.

We’re both a bit food-comatose, neither of us wanting to move after eating our body weight in pancakes. I make a mental note to suggest we come out here to eat at least once a month. If those are that good, then I think most of the other food will be too.

“When is your family coming over again?” Rip asked from his slightly slouched over position, fucking cute.
“Just over a month away, I told them to wait until summer, but they said they’ll just come then too” I shrugged my shoulders.
“Your nanna is in charge of that, then, baby?” Rip laughed.
“Oh yeah, she can’t get enough of you. You’re not the only one she threatened, believe me,” I laughed, thinking back to her telling me I had to come back.

I was so sure that coming back would have been unfair to Rip. That after the heartbreak, he deserved to move on and find someone else. How fucking stupid I was. He came back to get me at the first opportunity. If only both of us had found the words to write a letter as soon as we got home. I will never let him down again. Ever, even if it kills me.

Rip gave me a lazy smile from across the booth, happy with the feeding he just got. He looks like a dream, this man is all mine. I'd happily never leave his side for more than ten minutes ever again. I saw his phone light up with a text. I'm still not quite used to watching Rip use a smartphone; it’s so funny.

“We should get going”, he said, standing up slowly.
“Why? Do you have work today?” I pouted.
“No work, baby, just want to get you home” he held his hand out to pull me up.

This time I stood with him whilst he paid. I got my card out, and I finally got another one of his warning looks that make my knees weak. I fucking love it when he goes all serious on me, it doesn’t hold the same punch as when he does it to other people, but it makes me want to jump his bones.

I learnt my lesson from that one time here with that man who approached me outside. The man who got taken to the train station, I don’t know where that is, but I know he’s rotting somewhere. I learnt to always stick by Rip’s side, I can wait an extra minute for a smoke.

It feels so good to be back on the roads I recognise so well. We just drove past the fence I crashed into, and I could see Rip have a wave of anger come over him when he spotted it, too. It soon faded, but I really do need to work on at least asking him to take me out driving so I can get my own car over here.

It didn’t take long until the ranch came into view, those barns with the Yellowstone brand on them will never not amaze me, such a startling contrast to the greenery running around them. I can’t wait to be back up that mountain on Bubba. I'm determined to become the best roper here, Jimmy better not have got better than me.

Pulling up to our house feels like a dream. I may have just pinched myself just to confirm I am really here, I am back in my true home. The smile on Rip’s face next to me is all I needed as a confirmation, though.

I waited for Rip to get out and open my door for me. It’s going to take a few days to get used to the princess treatment again. I stopped to close my eyes and breathe in the fresh air. I have no idea how I ever left this place. It’s heaven on earth. Even more so with Rip’s arms wrapped around me from behind, slowly swaying us. I'm not sure who is more excited between us.

“Take me home, cowboy”, I whispered.
“Those are four words I will never get sick of hearing, darlin’”, he leaned to kiss my cheek.
“Good, I'm never going to stop saying them,” and I mean it, never.

A gasp flew out of my mouth as Rip swooped my legs up and started carrying me up the porch steps. I reached out to twist the doorknob as Rip kicked the door, swinging it right open. He didn’t let me down until we got to the couch.

“Wow, this is softer than I remember,” I half-joked.
“The only time I'm sleeping on this fuckin’ thing again is when we fall to sleep by accident”, he laughed.
“That we can agree on, I need you by my side every night, Rip” I held his face in my hands.
“I'll be here, baby, you’re going to need me in the winter”, he joked.
“I need you every day”

“Every”
“Single”
“Day”

I kissed his handsome face between each word. I never want to stop kissing him. He let out the sweetest laugh as I continued with my onslaught of kisses, his beard tickling me with every movement.

The memory of crying on my office floor, cradling his jacket to me, came to my mind. I was sure I would never get this close to him again, it truly broke me. I was sure there was no recovery from it, that I would live the rest of my life in misery. But I'm here now, and I can reach out and touch him whenever I want.

“What’s wrong, darlin? Why are you crying?” Rip looked down at me, concern on his face.
“I didn’t even realise I was. I'm just so fucking happy. I'm so sorry, I lost us time” I looked into those piercing blue eyes and saw nothing but happiness looking back at me.
“We never have to talk about that again, baby. We have the rest of our lives to make up for it,” he softly kissed a tear off my cheek.

“You have to promise me something, Rip?” I gently stroked his face.
“What is it, baby?” he asked.
“You don’t get to die before me, I can’t live another day without you” I felt the emotion take over me.
“I promise you. Your soul won’t have to live without me for a day either, baby. If you die, then I do too. There ain’t no point in life without my girl” I don’t doubt him for a moment.

We stayed still like this for a moment, just happy to be in each other's arms. As far as I'm concerned, nothing else exists in the world other than us right now. Outside of these four walls, there is nothing, it’s just us.

“I told them we would go over to the bunkhouse, is that okay with you, darlin’?” Rip asked, reminding me there is a world outside.
“Yeah, that sounds good. It will be nice to have a catch-up, I need to call in and see Beth and John too,” a smile came to my face, I'm so grateful for them.
“Then I get to have you to myself all evening, baby?” Rip raised an eyebrow.
“Fuck yeah you do, cowboy” I raised one back at him.

I headed upstairs whilst Rip brought my bags in. He wasn’t joking, the sheets have been changed, but that isn’t a bed that's been slept in. I can’t wait to drag him into it tonight, he needs some real sleep. He slept like a baby in my bed the few nights he was there. I spent hours just lying silently, letting him catch up on all the sleep he’d been missing out on. I did too, but it seemed like the mix of jet lag and relaxation put his body into sleeping mode.

To my surprise, all of the stuff I left in the bathroom with instructions for him to throw out is still sitting there, in the exact same place. Even my toothbrush is still sitting there, in the same angle I remember sitting it down in. I don’t know how he did it, just having some of his clothes near me sent me into a spiral for two weeks.

“You didn’t throw anything out?” I asked as he entered the bedroom.
“No, I convinced myself that if I didn’t move anything, you would come home. I guess I was right, baby,” he rested his head on my shoulder.
“I'm so sorry. Wait, is that a new mirror?” I noticed it was much bigger than it was before.
“I fought with the last one, I fuckin’ lost. Figured I'd get a bigger one for there being two of us here,” he shrugged like it was nothing.

That sounds like a conversation we can have later on. Rip keeps looking at his phone and looking back at me, like he’s waiting for me for something. I have no idea what, but the faster we get out of the house then the faster we can get back and make up for lost time.

We headed out under the sunset, my favourite time of the day. I have seen countless sunsets, but none of them are as beautiful as the ones here. The colours make my jaw drop every single time.

It’s only made better by Rip having his arm slung over my shoulder as we walk over, my hand in the back pocket of his jeans. I know I'm obsessed with this man, but the gloves hanging out of his other back pocket drives me fucking crazy. I need him to fuck me with those on, maybe even in the tack room.

Rip pulled his phone out and sent a text just as we got close to the bunkhouse. I have no idea what he’s up to and why he suddenly needs to be so connected to people. He put it back in his pocket and gave me a suspicious grin.

“Welcome home, Lainey!!!” a chorus of voices shouted as bangers, followed by confetti filling the air, went off.
“Oh my god”, I whispered as I gripped onto Rip.

There are banners hung from the ceiling and various pictures from the book framed around the room. Everyone is in here with grins on their faces, even Beth and John. Tate is front and centre with another handmade sign. How did I ever question if this was the place for me?

“Lainey! Did Rip hold the sign up?” Tate came running over.
“He did, and he did it with a smile. Can you believe that?” I matched his enthusiasm.
“Did he look funny with it? He’s been really sad, Lainey. He missed you. He even fell off his horse” Tate overshared as usual.
“He looked very funny, I took a photo, I'll show you it. I missed him, too, and you,” I bent down to show him the photo.

“Get your ass over here!” Ryan shouted.
“What was that?” Rip scowled in his direction.
“Sorry”, Ryan held his hands up in surrender, “I missed her too”
“I missed you, too, you idiot. I still can’t believe you managed to keep that secret” I lightly punched his shoulder.
“Rip threatened my life. Anyway, when did you say your cousin is coming?” he laughed.

I feel so overwhelmed with love. They all should have been at the launch, they would have loved the attention for a few hours. If I do another book, it’s getting done here, so they all get their five minutes. I can just imagine how many of them would need carrying home at the end of the night.

“How you doin’, sweetheart?” Lloyd hugged me.
“Much better now. How are you doing?” I smiled.
“Don’t feel a day over 30 still. Told you I'd look after him for ya, it was touch and go at one point, but he’s safe and in one piece,” he nodded his head in Rip’s direction.

“I've heard. I'm sorry I put you all in that position with him, I'll never forgive myself” I looked at the old cowboy sadly.
“Don’t be doing that to yourself. That boy ain’t holding one thing against you, just happy to have you back. Damn we all are!” He put an arm over my shoulder as we looked across the room.

Gator came in after a little while with an incredible spread of food, every single one of my favourites in there. If I had to rank people I missed the most, that man would be very high on the list. I need to make sure I head over to the Duttons for dinner more often, and I will never take it for granted again.

“Took your fuckin’ time, didn’t you?” Beth smiled as I walked over.
“In my defence, Rip kept this a secret well. I was going to try and just get him to go to bed, that would have kept you all really waiting,” I smirked.
“Finally, I have you back to tell me all the gross details. Now I've played cupid, I'm going into the city for a few days. Catch up when I get back?” she asked.
“I'll be here”, I smiled.

My big dysfunctional family is back in one piece again. I love every single one of these idiots, and Jimmy is going to have to learn how to cope with losing at cards all over again. I can see the new girl smiling at me awkwardly from across the room. I should probably introduce myself.

“How's it feel to be back?” John got to me first.
“Incredible. I'll never be able to thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me,” I owe him everything.
“Don’t mention it, you belong here. I just hope you and Rip will make more dinner time appearances,” he nodded Gator's way.

“Oh, you can count on it. Thank you so much again, I'll even wear the brand if you need me to” The tone in my voice tells him how much I mean it.
“Now that's a conversation you’d need to have with Rip,” he scoffed.

I can feel Rip’s eyes on me as I make my way around the room, making sure I speak to every person. I'm shocked he’s managed to keep his hands off me for this long, but I guess he knows he’s got me all to himself as soon as we leave.

“Hey, I haven’t met you yet. I'm Lainey,” I smiled at the pink-haired girl.
“I've heard a fuckin’ lot about you, Teeter”, she smiled back.
“Shit, I hope it wasn’t all too bad” I joked.
“I think Rip would fuckin’ kill anyone who spoke bad about you. Damn near took my head off for asking who took that photo” she pointed at one of the group ones.

“My bad,” I cringed, “I didn’t leave him in the best way”
“Shit I ain’t ever seen a man love a girl so hard. He ain’t spoke to me yet, but I can tell how much he loves ya by the way he’s looking at us right now” She gestured for me to look at my smiling man.
“He hasn’t spoken to you? Sorry about that, I'll change that. I'll be out with you all, most days. I'll keep him in check,” I tried to joke it off.
“You’re damn right, things are changing. Didn’t know he had the ability to smile,” she looked amazed.

We hung around for a bit longer, but I could see Rip was starting to try and signal me that he wanted to go home. I'm not arguing with that, I haven’t travelled all this way back not to undress him tonight.

We said our goodbyes, and I said the thank you’s to everyone for putting the night together for me. Tate wanted most of the credit, which I was happy to give him. The crisp air caught me by surprise, sending goosebumps up my arms. Rip noticed immediately and hung his jacket over my shoulders.

I lit a cigarette when we got close to the porch. It’s chilly out, but I'm not missing a chance at this. Rip sat in his seat, and I joined him. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me as close to him as possible.

“Fuck, I've missed this” I looked out at the landscape around us.
“One time I made Ryan sit on the steps because I didn’t want him to sit in your fuckin’ seat”, he laughed at himself.
“Oh, baby”, I looked at him sadly.
“Another day, I wanted to fuckin’ kill Beth for her cigarette smoke, making me think you were back”, he spoke quietly.
“I'm never leaving, you never have to worry about that again,” I reassured him.

“Well, it’s just us now, cowboy. What do you want to do?” I gave him a dirty smile as we stood in the living room.
“I'm not sure, baby. What do you say we get started on that baby making?” he closed the distance between us.
“Take me to bed, cowboy” I wrapped my arms around his neck.

In one swift movement he lifted me with one arm under my ass, swinging my legs around him. We aren’t even upstairs yet, and I can feel his erection pressing against me. As soon as we hit the top of the stairs, his mouth was on mine. The kiss is needy, both of us wanting every part of each other.

He let me down, and within a second, I had my t-shirt and bra thrown across the room. I can’t wait any longer. I need him. My jeans and panties followed, in a heap on the floor, along with all of Rip’s clothes.

“Get on that bed baby, I want to taste that pretty little pussy” Rip practically growled at me.

I landed with a thud as my head fell atop the perfectly soft pillows. Rip followed, pulling my legs open just the way he wanted them. There's no time for teasing right now. I need to feel him on me.

The second his tongue gently brushed against against my clit I knew I wasn’t going to last long. Rip is too good and it’s been too fucking long. He started licking and sucking like a man possessed, the noises coming from my mouth are pure filth.

“Rip, I'm gonna”, I moaned.
“Not yet baby, need to get this tight little pussy opened up for me” he interrupted.

I gasped as he inserted one of his fingers inside of me, his fingers are at least double the size of mine, and it shocks me every time. Rip moaned against me as praise, and the vibrations of it set every nerve inside of me on fire.

“Rip, please”, I begged.
“Cum baby, cum for me” he wrapped one arm around my stomach and pressed down.

Fuck. I came hard. My hips were fighting to buck under the weight of his arm. He slowed the rhythm of his tongue on my clit as I came down. I felt the smile come to my face, half in embarrassment for cumming so fast and half because I'm just so fucking happy.

Before I could think again, Rip was inside of me, my mouth falling open as I still struggled to adjust to his size. I don’t think I ever will, and I never want to. The feeling of my pussy squeezing him makes my eyes roll.

“Taste yourself on my lips, baby” Rip looked at me with hooded eyes.

I pulled his head down to mine, my sweetness coating his mouth. I moaned into his as our tongues moved slowly against each other, the sensation going straight to my pussy. Rip’s thrusts are relentless, no time for us to be slow.

“That’s my dirty fuckin’ girl, couldn’t wait to be trapped under me again, could you?” Rip smirked darkly.
“Please, harder,” I begged.

That was all he needed to hear. The room is filled with the noise of the wooden headboard smashing against the wall. Rip moved himself so he could hold my legs on his shoulders, allowing him to get even deeper inside of me.

“Fuck, I'm not going to last much longer darlin’” Rip spoke through gritted teeth and heavy breaths.
“Fill me up, bruise my cervix”, I practically dared him.

His grunts got louder with every thrust, making sure I'll be able to feel him for the next few days. The grip on my legs is going to leave bruises, and I can’t wait to see them. With one final grunt, he came, collapsing on top of me.

“Fuck, it seems like we both needed that” he laughed as he smiled down at me.
“We can last longer tomorrow, cowboy”, I teased.
“I've missed this fuckin’ bed”, he rolled over onto his back.

I rolled over so my head rested on his chest, one hand going up to play with those incredible, black curls. His fingertips are softly moving across my back, tickling me gently so he can hear those little sighs that fall out of my mouth, he loves so much.

“Shower with me, darlin?” his voice is quiet.
“Yes, please”, I smiled up at him.

We stood in each other's arms as we waited for the water to heat up. Once the room was filled with steam, he led me under the water. Just letting it fall over our skin for a minute, so much emotion surrounding us.

I watched as he squeezed the shampoo into his palms. My eyes filled with tears at the sight of him. It seems like he’s been waiting for this moment for just as long as I have. All he’s ever wanted is to take care of me, and that is what I'll let him do, every day forever.

Once we were done, he wrapped me up in the fluffiest towel he had, sitting me on the end of the bed. He returned with the hairbrush I had left here, taking his spot behind me. My head fell back as soon as he started gently brushing through my hair. I've spent a lot of my life unsure of what love is meant to feel like, but I know right now in this moment, this is it.

“I wanted to tell you this earlier, but thought I'd wait until I had you to myself, baby”, Rip whispered as we lay, tangled together.
“What is it?” I asked curiously.
“This isn’t going to be our home for much longer, baby” his answer shocked me.
“What do you mean, Rip?” I sat up slightly.

“Part of Mr Duttons plan to make me get my shit together” he sighed.
“Explain properly, please, I'm not following” I looked at him, confused.
“We’re going to need more bedrooms, darlin’ and an office for you. We’re going to build a new house, one we can make even more memories in” he pulled me back down to him.

Not even ten minutes later, Rip’s breaths had deepened. He needed the sleep, but he kept waking up to check that I was still in his arms. His grip on me is tightening each time he goes falls back to sleep. We’re as close together as we can possibly be, and I can feel the sleep coming to me, too.

“I love you, darlin’”, Rip whispered sleepily.
“I love you, cowboy. I’ll be here when you wake up”, I whispered back.

Chapter Text

Wow.

This story is officially complete.

Lainey and Rip got their happily ever after!

I can’t quite believe this story is over. This was my first time writing anything, and it has very much been a learn as I go type of thing.

Thank you so much to everyone who has left comments, they really help with keeping motivation up. If you’ve got this far, it would be nice if you could leave a comment to let me know!

I recently went back to edit the first few chapters, and they are so badly written, so thank you for sticking with it hahaha. They are now updated and not as embarrassing anymore.

I only decided to write this because I wanted something to read myself. I’m giving it a month and then will finally sit down to read it.

I’ve low-key forgotten a lot that happened, so it will be nice to rediscover it all. Any plot holes and inconsistencies, I will just ignore…

I can’t begin to count how many hours of my life I’ve dedicated to writing this. So much has happened in my life, and I’ve tried to keep up as on time as possible with uploading. I’ve travelled to two different continents, quit my job, broken up with my long-term boyfriend and have moved across the country, the usual Wattpad writer stuff :)

I hope you have all enjoyed it and the rollercoaster of emotions.

Would anyone like to see a second book in the future? Find out what life has in store for Lainey and Rip?

I’ve been thinking about writing another Rip fic too, but I’m going to need to take some time first. This has been like a solid four months of my life dedicating my free time to writing.

Over and out for now!

Playlist

Condemned - Zach Bryan
Shake The Frost - Tyler Childers
Jamie - Zach Bryan
Use Me - Zach Top
Worst Way - Riley Green
Sun To Me - Zach Bryan
Painter - Cody Johnson
So Damn Sweet - 49 Winchester
Smaller Acts - Zach Bryan
Lady May - Tyler Childers
Hardwood Floors - Charles Wesley Godwin
Russel County Line - 49 Winchester
Insane - Ole 60
High Road - Zach Bryan
Anchor - 49 Winchester
Walls - Ole 60
Flower Shops - Ernest
Cover Me Up - Morgan Wallen
Another Leaf - Charles Wesley Godwin