Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Dr. Linda Gray adjusted her glasses and cleared her throat as she glanced at the two men sitting before her. "Good afternoon. I'm Dr. Linda Gray, and I specialize in family therapy. My goal today is to help you both understand each other better and, hopefully, build a healthier relationship."

The modest therapy office had seen better days. Framed certificates lined the walls, the scent of lavender filled the air, and a cozy armchair sat across from a couch, where two polar-opposite brothers sat. One, Dante, lounged lazily, feet propped up on the coffee table, a smirk plastered on his face. The other, Vergil, sat with perfect posture, arms crossed, eyes sharp with impatience. Between them sat Dr. Linda Gray, clipboard in hand, radiating professional patience—though, by the end of this session, she’d probably be questioning her career choices.

“It’s wonderful to see siblings taking the time to work on their relationship,” she said warmly. “Family can be complicated, but it’s never too late to rebuild bridges.”

Dante’s smirk widened. “Well, doc, it’s not so much a bridge—more like a burning, collapsing suspension bridge with demons flying out of it.”

Vergil exhaled sharply. “Or a bridge one must sever to seek true power.”

Dr. Gray chuckled, though something about the way Vergil said that made her uneasy. “Sibling rivalry, I see.” She tapped her pen against her clipboard. “Let’s start with something simple. Dante, tell me one thing you admire about Vergil.”

Dante leaned back, rubbing his chin in mock contemplation. “Hmmm… well, he’s got great hair. Like, seriously. No matter how much we fight, it never gets messed up. What’s your secret, man? Demon conditioner?”

Vergil’s glare could have cut through steel. “Discipline.”

Dr. Gray noted that down with a forced smile. “Interesting. And Vergil, what’s something you admire about Dante?”

Vergil’s pause was long, his expression unreadable. Finally, he said, “He is… persistent.”

Dante barked a laugh. “That’s code for ‘I keep kicking his ass.’”

Vergil’s voice remained monotone. “And yet, here we are, still in need of therapy.”

Dr. Gray sighed. This was going to be harder than she thought. She then puts on and optimistic face. “I see there’s some tension. Let’s try an exercise. I want you two to engage in active listening. Dante, tell Vergil how you feel about your relationship, and Vergil, you repeat what you hear.”

Dante clears his throat then speaks. “Alright. I feel like you’re always trying to kill me, and it’s super inconvenient. Like, I’ll be enjoying a pizza, and boom—Yamato through my ribs. Kinda puts a damper on my day, y’know?” He casually explained.

Vergil, visibly irritated, nods and translates. “You feel that my dedication to strength interrupts your ……eating habits.”

“See, he gets it!”

“Vergil, your turn.” Says Dr. Gray as she rubs her temples.

The older twin speaks. “I feel that Dante refuses to take anything seriously. He wastes his potential and revels in frivolity instead of striving for greatness.”

“I revel in frivolity. That’s a fancy way of saying ‘has more fun than me.’” Dante replies in a mocking tone.

Seeing how the “progress” is going, Dr. Gray continues on with a forced smile. “Good, good. Now let’s try a bonding exercise. I want you two to do a trust fall.”

Dante laughs as Vergil scoffs at the idea.

“Oh, this is gonna go great.”

“This is absurd.”

“Trust is important in any relationship. Vergil, why don’t you let Dante catch you?” The therapist insisted.

Vergil then narrows his eyes at her. “I refuse to put my fate in his hands.”

“Oh, come on, I’d totally catch you!…Probably….Maybe.” The younger twin responded. Dr. Gray side-eyes him a bit before looking at Vergil.

“Vergil, therapy is about stepping outside your comfort zone.” She calmly tells him.

“Very well.” He begrudgingly agrees.

Vergil stiffly turns, arms crossed, and leans back. At the last second, Dante steps aside. Vergil vanishes into a portal mid-fall and reappears behind Dante, sword drawn.

A few laughs escape Dante. “Oh man, you were actually gonna do it?!”

Vergil gives him a hard glare as he coldly responded. “I was going to kill you before I hit the ground.”

Dr. Gray, now visibly exhausted, defuses the situation. “Alright, alright… let’s try another bonding exercise. Something simple. How about… a compliment battle? You two will take turns saying nice things about each other.”

A mischievous smirk appears on Dante’s face. “Oh, I like this. Vergil, you have a very… uh… fancy vocabulary. Must be all that time in hell. Real sophisticated.”

Unimpressed, Vergil flatly replies “You have an impressive ability to waste time.”

The woman facepalms at their backhanded compliments. “Okay, maybe something more… physical. Arm wrestling! That’s a fun, non-violent way to settle disputes.”

Dante cracks his knuckles. “Now we’re talkin’!” He exclaims excitedly.

Their arm-wrestling match begins as they grip hands. And within seconds, the table shatters beneath their strength, reducing the poor woman’s coffee table to splinters. She stares in shock (and a bit of sadness since she loved that table) while both men immediately summon their swords.

“NO!! NO SWORDS! NO SWORDS IN THERAPY! PLEASE DON’T BREAK ANYTHING ELSE!” She begged them. There’s a tense silence as Dante and Vergil slowly lower their weapons, but their eyes remain locked.

The therapist was very close to blowing a fuse, but immediately calm herself down. 'Okay, Linda, stay professional. Just… one last attempt.’ After a deep breath, she turns back to the twins with a forced cheerful face. “Maybe a teamwork exercise. Something that requires working together. Like… a puzzle! Yes, let’s solve a puzzle together!”

Dante shrugs. ”Alright, let’s do it. How hard could it be?”

Vergil, skeptical but resigned “Fine”.

Dr. Gray hands them a simple jigsaw puzzle. Within seconds, Dante throws a piece at Vergil’s face. Vergil retaliates by slicing a puzzle piece in half. The entire puzzle bursts into flames—somehow.

In horror, Dr. Gray yelled “HOW?! HOW DID IT EVEN CATCH FIRE?!”

Dante ignores her question and grins. “Well, I’d say we made some progress today, doc.”

“Yes. I now know for certain that Dante remains insufferable.” Vergil replies as he adjusts his gloves.

At this point, Dr. Gray finally snaps at them. “ENOUGH! You’re brothers, twins! You two should  be talking about girls, or sports, or anything that makes the both of you happy to spend time together! Instead you two kept being passive aggressive, tried to stab each other, and then you destroyed my coffee table! Don’t you two want a normal, healthy brotherly relationship?!”

Dante and Vergil stare at her dumbfounded and exchange looks. Then they both burst into laughter.

The former turns back to her. “Lady, we’re half-demon sons of Sparda. ‘Normal’ flew out the window when we were born.”

“Our first real bonding moment involved attempting to kill each other in a ruined tower.” Vergil added

“And the second was fighting side by side in literal hell.”

“This is simply how we communicate.”

Dr. Gray had never been so exhausted. Before anyone can react further, the windows suddenly shatter as a gang of demons bursts into the office, claws tearing into the furniture, teeth gnashing as they surrounded their prey. Dr. Gray screams.

Dante grins at his brother. “Well, would you look at that? Free stress relief.”

Vergil sighs while unsheathing Yamato. “Let’s make this quick.”

One particularly large demon, its skin a sickly shade of green, growled, “Demon hunters! At last, we have found y—”

It never finished. Vergil’s blade flashed, and its head hit the floor before its body caught up.

Another demon, slightly less eager, snarled, “We are the great—urk!” Dante’s bullet tore through its skull before it could elaborate.

“Man, they never let you finish a sentence, huh?” Dante quipped, kicking another beast through the remains of the shattered window.

For all their bickering, the brothers moved in sync, perfectly attuned to each other’s attacks. A demon lunged at Dr. Gray, only for Vergil to cut it down without a second glance. Dante spun Rebellion effortlessly, slicing through another before holstering Ebony and Ivory with a flourish. Within moments, Dante and Vergil tear through the demons effortlessly, dodging, slicing, and shooting with flawless coordination. They instinctively protect Dr. Gray, keeping her out of harm’s way. Afterwards, the room is covered in demonic remains, and the threat is gone. The office was eerily silent, nothing but shredded remains of demons scattered around them. Dr. Gray, wide-eyed, shaking, clutched her clipboard like a lifeline.

Dante flicked demon blood from Rebellion with a lazy smirk. “So, uh, doc—bet you don’t see that every day in therapy, huh?”

Dr. Gray barely managed a weak, “No. No, I do not.”

Vergil, already sheathing his sword, gave her a curt nod. “Regardless, you attempted to help. Thank you for your efforts.”

Dante clapped her on the shoulder, causing her to flinch. “Yeah, doc. You did your best. We’re still the same pain-in-the-ass brothers, but hey—maybe with a little more mutual respect.”

Without another word, they strode out, leaving her sitting in the ruins of what was once her peaceful office. For a long moment, she just stared at the carnage, her mind struggling to process what had just happened.

Then, with a shaking hand, she reached for her phone.

“I need a vacation…” she muttered to herself, already searching to book the next flights out of the country.

Chapter Text

Dr. Linda Gray had made a terrible mistake.

She knew this the moment she walked into her office to find not only Dante and Vergil waiting for her—but a third addition slouched beside them, looking twice as exasperated.

Nero.

Dr. Gray had just returned from a much-needed vacation, a desperate attempt to recover from the last fiasco these two put her through. She still had nightmares about demon guts on her new rug and the sound of shattered windows echoing in her ears. Her therapist said she needed closure.

Closure, apparently, meant diving headfirst back into hell.

With a deep, calming breath (her third one since opening the door), she sat in her chair, folded her hands, and did her best to maintain her professional tone. "Alright. Welcome back, gentlemen. And welcome, Nero. I take it you've been… convinced to join today’s session?"

Nero gave a half-hearted shrug and offered a dry wave. "Name's Nero. Devil hunter. Third-wheel in this delightful family disaster. Don’t expect much, doc. I already know this is gonna be a damn disaster."

"Dragged is the better word," he added, shooting a glare at Dante.

Dr. Gray offered a polite smile—until she glanced at her notes and paused. "Wait. Nero... You're Vergil’s son?"

Vergil raised an eyebrow. "Is that relevant to today’s session?"

"You didn’t think that was worth mentioning before?!" she snapped, voice an octave higher. "That makes everything so much worse."

Dante laughed. "Yeah, it’s a real soap opera, huh? Guess we forgot to mention the whole 'secret demon lineage' thing."

Nero deadpanned. "Yeah. I’ve got daddy issues and demon blood. Real fun mix."

Dr. Gray blinked. Slowly, mechanically, she reached into her desk drawer and popped two antacids. "Of course you do. Wonderful. Let’s… let’s just move on."

Dr. Gray ignored the spike in her blood pressure and opened her notebook. "Well, since we have a new participant, let’s try a few bonding exercises. Let’s start with an ‘I feel’ statement. Each of you will express an emotion in a constructive way."

Nero sighed. "Fine. I feel like I shouldn’t have agreed to this."

Dante smirked. "I feel like Vergil is gonna storm out any second now."

Vergil exhaled sharply. "I feel like I could be using this time to train."

Dr. Gray's pen cracked in her grip. "Incredible. You're already doing the exact same things you did last time. Moving on."

"Let’s each say something we admire about one another. Nero, why don’t you start?"

Nero leaned back in his chair. "I guess I admire that you two are strong fighters."

Dante gave a dramatic gasp. "Aww, kiddo, that’s sweet."

Vergil, deadpan: "Adequate."

Nero’s eye twitched. "You wanna get punched?"

Dr. Gray's eye twitched in unison. "We are not doing this again. Dante, your turn."

Dante rubbed his chin. "Alright, alright. I admire that Nero’s got a mean right hook, and Vergil… well, dude’s got great hair. Seriously. It never gets messed up. What’s your secret, man? Demon conditioner?"

Vergil glared. "Discipline."

Dr. Gray resisted the urge to scream into her clipboard. "Okay. Conflict resolution. Let's pretend you can resolve something without weapons. Scenario: Dante eats the last slice of pizza. Vergil, how do you handle it?"

Vergil answered immediately. "Simple. I take his arm."

Nero choked. "WHAT THE HELL?!"

Dr. Gray stood up. "Break. Now. Before I throw myself out that window before a demon gets the chance."

Dr. Gray rubbed her temples. "Alright. Since we have an obvious family dynamic at play here, let’s try some direct bonding. Vergil, Nero, you two will do a trust exercise. Nero, fall backward. Vergil, catch him."

Nero raised an eyebrow. "You serious?"

Vergil crossed his arms. "This is absurd."

Dr. Gray forced a smile. "Do it. Now."

With a sigh, Nero turned around and let himself fall.

Vergil did not move an inch.

With a loud thud, Nero hit the ground. He groaned. "Oh, come on—!"

Vergil shrugged. "He should be more aware of his surroundings."

Dr. Gray inhaled sharply. "Fine. New exercise. Vergil, try a simple, supportive statement to Nero. Something encouraging."

Vergil turned to his son, his expression unreadable. "You are… not entirely incompetent."

Dante burst out laughing. "That’s the nicest thing he’s ever said to anyone! Mark the date, doc!"

Nero scowled. "Gee, thanks, Dad."

Dr. Gray massaged her temples. "This is—You know what? Let’s just move on.”

Dr. Gray took a deep breath. "Alright. This one is simple. You two are going to hug."

Silence.

Vergil and Nero stared at her. Then at each other. Then back at her.

Nero cleared his throat. "Uh… what?"

Vergil’s eye twitched. "I refuse."

Dr. Gray forced a smile. "You will do this. Or so help me, I will make it mandatory in every session going forward."

Dante grinned. "Oh man, this is gold—"

Dr. Gray pointed at him. "You. Shut up."

Nero sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Fine. Let’s just get this over with."

Vergil remained still. Nero awkwardly stepped forward and went for the quickest, most half-hearted one-armed hug possible.

Vergil, rigid as stone, did not react.

Dr. Gray pinched the bridge of her nose. "That was awful. Do it again. Properly."

Dante cackled. "Come on, Vergil, give your boy some love!"

Vergil exhaled sharply, then—grudgingly—returned the hug. Briefly. Very briefly.

Nero grimaced. "Alright, that’s enough. We’re done."

Dr. Gray clapped her hands. "Progress! Sort of!"

Dr. Gray took a deep, ominous breath. "Final exercise for today: each of you must say 'I love you' to someone else in the room. Preferably… without sarcasm."

Nero blinked. "You're joking, right?"

"Not even remotely."

Dante, grinning, pointed at Nero. "Go on, kid. Show the old man some heart."

Nero groaned. "Fine. I…" He looked at Vergil, then immediately looked away. "I love you. There. You happy?"

Vergil narrowed his eyes. "You didn't even look at me."

"Yeah, well, maybe if you’d caught me earlier—"

"Do it again," Dr. Gray said sternly.

Vergil rolled his eyes, then turned with the grace of someone being asked to walk into a burning building. "I… love you too."

The room was silent.

Dante clutched his chest. "I think I just witnessed a miracle."

Dr. Gray scribbled furiously in her notes. "Marking that as massive emotional progress."

Just when Dante thought he’d dodged every emotional landmine in the room, Dr. Gray turned her pen on him like it was a holy relic.

"Dante. You’re not off the hook. Join the hug."

His smirk faltered. "...Wait, what?"

"You enabled half this chaos. Group hug. Now."

Vergil stared like she’d grown a second head. Nero looked like he was watching a car crash. Dante pointed to himself, incredulous. "Doc, I already got enough trauma watching them hug—"

"Do it," Dr. Gray snapped, rising halfway from her chair.

"...Fine, fine!" Dante threw his hands up, then trudged over. “Come on, group hug, everybody in. Let’s make this nice and awkward.”

Nero groaned. "This is the worst day of my life."

Vergil muttered something under his breath in demonic Latin that might’ve been a curse.

The three of them stood in the most painfully awkward family embrace ever attempted by mankind. Arms barely touching, backs rigid, energy radiating pure emotional constipation.

Dr. Gray blinked. "Closer."

They begrudgingly shuffled in an inch.

"Closer."

"I will smite you," Vergil hissed, eyes glowing faintly.

"Closer!" she barked.

Finally, arms looped around shoulders. Vergil looked like he was bracing for death. Nero looked ready to bite someone. Dante? Still grinning—but now sweating.

"Now say it," she said sweetly. "All of you. Together."

They exchanged one miserable, wordless glance. Then:

"...I love you," they mumbled in the saddest, most out-of-sync group confession in history.

Silence.

Dr. Gray beamed. "See? That wasn’t so bad."

And in that moment, the windows shattered—again. A group of grotesque demons poured into the room, snarling and drooling.

"TARGET THE HUMAN! SHE IS THE WEAKEST!"

Dr. Gray screamed as one lunged and seized her.

"PUT ME DOWN, YOU FESTERING PILE OF ANXIETY!"

Before she could even struggle, the demon’s head exploded—courtesy of a blue spectral sword.

Dante flipped Ebony and Ivory with a grin. "Well, guess therapy’s over."

Vergil stood beside him, blade already drawn. "This time, we protect the therapist."

Nero cracked his knuckles. "Yeah. Let’s show ‘em some family teamwork."

The three moved in unison—slicing, blasting, and bantering their way through the demon horde. At one point, a demon tried to gloat:

"YOU THINK YOU CAN DEFEAT—"

It was bisected mid-sentence by Yamato.

Another screamed, "THE DARKNESS WILL CONSUM—"

Shot between the eyes.

The last one managed, "LORD MUNDUS WILL—"

Nero punched its head clean off.

Dr. Gray lay dazed on the floor, covered in demon goop, but alive.

Dante offered a hand. "All good, doc. No charge for demon extractions."

Vergil nodded. "Your sessions are… enlightening."

Nero shrugged. "Could be worse. We didn’t kill each other."

As the three men walked off—bloody, bruised, and vaguely more bonded—Dr. Gray sat in her ruined office, surrounded by demon parts — once again.

She slowly pulled out her phone and began searching for plane tickets.

"I need a real vacation… preferably with no swords, guns, or emotional repression..."