Chapter Text
When the Jade Emperor died, it was bad enough to lose the guy in charge of the entire Celestial Realm. On the other hand, it would be a bit of a stretch to say he was missed. The Mortal Realm had fared considerably well despite the Jade Emperor’s waning intervention over the centuries. While Diyu had their own government and gods to keep their place running. As for the Celestial Realm, yeah the Heavenly Court was thrown in disarray by the sudden loss of their leader. Yet considering how apathetic their not-dearly-beloved-monarch has grown over the centuries. To the point where he basically did nothing but sign the occasional document or randomly banish some poor god. It wasn’t long before the heavenly beings managed to get their act together and establish Li Jing as their new leader.
Which honestly wasn’t their best choice, but the Jade Emperor had banished a sizable chunk of competent deities over the millennia for who knew what. Along with a few family feuds that caused the Jade Emperor’s immediate family to abandon him. With so few candidates to choose from, Li Jing ended up being the least rotten apple of the lot. Plus, Li Jing was one of the deceased emperor’s trusted commanders and he bore three sons of his Majesty’s lineage through his wife, Lady Yin. So he was appointed as the new Jade Emperor by what was left of the Heavenly Court. The upside to choosing Li Jing was that if the latter ever followed the ways of the old ruler or didn’t run Heaven to the majority of the court’s liking. They could always dethrone him for one of his more desirable and accomplished sons instead. Most likely Jinzha.
However, when the Ten Yama Kings died, that was even worse than bad. The Ten Yama Kings were in charge of all the departed souls within their domain. Welcoming the dead, housing the dead, passing out judgment, facilitating reincarnations, and keeping anything or anyone that would cause havoc tightly imprisoned. All very faithful with their work-that is until one of their own betrayed and KILLED them. Without the top gods keeping a firm grip on the Underworld, all h*ll literally broke loose. The judgement trials ceased, the reincarnations frozen, and souls or monsters or demons began escaping to the land of the living. It was pure chaos for the Celestials for forty days after the Color Stone Calamity. As the gods hastily scrambled to restore order and capture the fugitives.
Now about eight months have passed since the death of the Ten Yama Kings (well nine, since the traitorous tenth had escaped to who-knew-where and obviously wasn’t coming back to his duties to the dead). With no concrete system of government for Diyu even close to being established. With the souls of the underworld writhing from abandonment and much of the fled dead still unaccounted for. Li Jing held a court meeting in favor of asking the Queen Mother of the West to rule Diyu as a regent until suitable replacements were found for the Yama Kings. The proposal was accepted, because what other choice did the gods have? With the ancient matriarch stepping in to safeguard the Underworld. Heaven could focus more on hunting down the missing dead or monsters to ship back to Diyu.
At the present moment, the Three Lotus Princes had just left Heaven for the Mortal Realm. It was becoming quite routine for them to be sent out with a fresh list of underworldly fugitives to check off. “It never ends, doesn’t it? I think one-third of the dead snuck back to the land of the living.” Nezha commented as he followed alongside his older brothers on his blazing wheels. “Hopefully not, or this might take half a millennium to resolve.” Muzha sighed as he kept an eagle eye out for any of their prey. Jinzha tried to lift the mood a little, “Look on the bright side! At least we get to work together more often than not!”
“Oh for crying out loud Jinzha, it’s not your damn job to make everything sunshine and rainbows and puppies!! Just accept that this situation sucks-OW!!” Nezha cried out as he was bonked with Muzha’s fan. The Second Lotus Prince chastised the Third, “And you need to stop being a negative, bratty smart aleck!” Nezha veered a good distance away from his elder brother’s annoying fan. “Whatever Mr.I’m-So-Righteous-And-Wise! But some of us here have got to be realistic!!” “Well not downright cynical!” Muzha argued back. “Tch, whatever…” The youngest Li grumbled as he moved forward with a defiant flick of his wild, cascading mane.
Jinzha noticed that his littlest brother’s hair buns were a little loose and the mane a tad bit messy. The First Lotus Prince caught up to him, “Nezzie, let me fix your hair real quick-“ “BRUH. We are literally going to be fighting demons and chasing runaway ghosts all day!! Screw it with keeping up hairdos!” Jinzha frowned before he just alright snatched up Nezha, “Well you can’t see your enemy properly if your hair isn’t out of the way!” “Uuugggghhhh.” The fiery war god groaned as he reluctantly surrendered to his golden elder. Muzha waited patiently as Jinzha fixed Nezha’s hair. The immortal buddhist looked away from his brothers to survey their surroundings. They were about a hundred feet above the ground, apparently over a forest. Hopefully the fugitives they were after didn’t inflict too much spiritual damage on the inhabitants of the beautiful landscape.
“Are we done yet?! Like, lives are on the line here while you’re styling my hair!!” Nezha whined as he fidgeted in his oldest brother’s grasp. Jinzha couldn’t help but chuckle, “You seem especially antsy this morning Nezzie. You got up on the wrong side of the bed?” The Marshal of the Central Altar rolled his eyes, “No. But I did read that report about those villages that have been ransacked by underworld demons. I would rather not let that happen again.” Jinzha paused as he recalled hearing about those incidents, “Well, bad things will always happen whether we want them or not. But I assure you that we are doing what we can to stop scenarios like that.” The eldest Li encouraged the youngest.
Nezha sighed as his shoulders slumped, “A world full of gods and heroes, and shit still happens. I just wish it didn’t no matter how naive and stupid it seems…” Muzha heard this and turned to his younger sibling, “It’s not stupid to wish for goodness. You just have to accept the good with the bad. And let that desire for goodness keep pushing you to pursue that goal, even if it seems an impossible dream.” “Alright. You have a point wise old sage.” Nezha agreed as his hair was eventually tidied up into its signature look.
The Wooden Scholar grumbled, “Seriously?! Old?! Well at least some of us are more mature than others!” “So mature that they reached the enlightenment of a cranky old-timer that can’t even use a phone!” Nezha crackled as he poked fun at his easily irritated sibling. The second son of Li took out his fan, “Why you little brat!!” Jinzha stepped between them before things escalated from there, “Alright! That’s enough for you two! We have a job to do! And to be fair, we are all old. But at least we retain our charm and adorableness thanks to our immortality~” The Golden Tactician teased his younger brothers.
His siblings blushed as furiously as Jinzha hoped for. “Jin. Shut. UP.” Nezha broke free from the latter’s grasp with a feral growl. Muzha tried to cover his embarrassment with his fan, “Let’s just get going.” The First Lotus Prince laughed in amusement as his little brothers fled to the forest down below. “There’s nothing more fun than having cute baby brothers to tease and coddle~ Especially unwillingly~” Jinzha smirked before joining his beloved siblings. The trio landed in the forest to begin their hunt. A trace of demonic magic had been found and all three war gods were on it like hounds.
Jinzha took the lead, morphing into a yellow-throated marten as he scampered through the underbrush. Muzha changed into a black eagle to follow. Since Nezha lacked the wonderful gift of shape-shifting, he just rendered himself completely invisible to any mortal‘s or spirit’s eye. Following after his siblings like a ghost. Jinzha bounded after the trail, keeping his senses alert for any disturbances. Up high in the sky Muzha had the high ground to warn his brothers of anything on the horizon. Nezha stayed in the background, not too far but not too close. Being kept as a trump card to spring on any unsuspecting demon or runaway spirit.
Jinzha scampered through the underbrush in his swift and slim form. Following the trail of demonic magic, he began to find more noticeable clues. A deep claw mark on a tree. The pale corpse of a small animal depleted of its life energy. The absence of any wildlife noise as if something ominous had scared off the native creatures. The Golden Tactician hurried deeper into the woods. Suddenly he stopped. Something wasn’t right. He examined the area again as he registered the sharp increase in dark energy residue. From what he was detecting, there were actually four demons in the area. They would have to be cautious from here on out. Considering the dense levels of dark energy indicated the fugitives were high level demons.
Jinzha braved further into the woods. Feeling comfort that Muzha and Nezha were right behind him. The air steadily cooled even if it was the height of spring now. The forest had a somewhat clean aspect to it. Or more accurately, looked less lived in with none of the usual paw prints, nests, scratches, or tufts of fur and feathers to be seen. Even the occasional burrow was void of any inhabitant. On top of that, it was getting much darker than a tree covered environment should get during the day. Almost reaching midnight darkness.
The disguised god had a feeling it wouldn’t be long before qi hungry demons caught whiff of a supposed forest critter just begging to have its life sucked out of it. He eventually located a clearing where he plopped himself in the center. He pretended to be occupied with grooming his silky coat as he waited for the enemy to take bait. He had preened himself for ten minutes straight until he heard the tell-tale sounds of heavy breathing. “At last, come to your afternoon snack. It will be your last…” Jinzha hummed to himself as he smoothed down his tail fur.
On cue, a big and ugly shadow leapt out of the bushes. Just in time for Muzha to dive down in eagle form and pierce the wretched creature’s head with his sword. The screams of anguish seemed to vibrate throughout the forest. Eventually drawing in the three other demons that kept the brute company. The underworldly monstrosities charged madly at the deities that deceived one of their own. Only to rush headfirst into a wall of blazing, hot pink fire. The enemy screeched in surprised pain as they recoiled from Nezha’s fire. Frantically rolling on the grass to snuff out the divine flames eating away at their bodies.
Nezha leapt out of the woodworks as he stabbed his spear into one of the demon’s necks. The battle was on as the underworld fugitives fought against the gods that threatened to banish them back to Diyu. Jinzha, still in marten form, scrambled up one of the demon’s backs until he reached the head. In an instant he spatted burning gold liquid over its eyes to blind it. The blinded monster stumbled about as Muzha in god form mercilessly hacked at it with his sword. The other demons chased Nezha in near mindless rage for the burning pain he inflicted on them. While the Third Lotus Prince fired back thousands of lotus petals that exploded into even more fiery agony upon impact.
Jinzha leapt off the demon’s head as Muzha plunged his sword into the brute’s forehead. Killing the unfortunate fugitive in an instant as he was transported back to Diyu in a cloud of dark blue smoke. The First Lotus Prince returned to his godly form as he took out his trusty Dunlong Zhulang. Immediately the innocent looking weapon extended nine meters in length while the three rings expanded into huge hoops. Jinzha swung his weapon around until the hoops snagged three demon necks. Immediately the malicious beasts began shrilling and violently struggling to break free, causing the rings to tighten in order to eliminate movement and thus escape altogether.
Nezha and Muzha didn’t waste any time to launch a new assault. Muzha viciously shredded the demons’ squirming bodies with his sword while Nezha set them on fire anew or tore a gaping wound with his spear. That’s when they heard the telepathic voice: “DON’T FINISH THE JOB.” All three princes of war froze when they heard the voice. Wait a second, that voice sounded awfully familiar… “All those demons are actually one. If you kill them all, they reform into the original demon only this time it will be immune to your weapons or whatever divine powers you used.”
Cue the princes looking at their weapons with a cringe. (Poor Nezha was starting to regret using his fire and lotus petals.) “One demon clone is already dead. Leave it dead. Yet leave the other three alive but subdued. There is a fifth demon clone that houses the spirit of the original. It’s in hiding, waiting for its other clones to die before summoning them back from the underworld to reform itself into a stronger brute. You’re going to have to lure it out of hiding. Killing the original and the rest of the clones together will ensure the bastard ends up back in Diyu. The hideout is about a hundred and twenty yards from here. I’ll meet you there.”
The brothers looked at one another as Nezha extinguished his fire with a snap of his fingers. “Is THAT who I think it was?!” Muzha demanded his youngest brother. Nezha nodded, “It has to be him. I sensed his magic and brain waves. Come on, let’s get going.” The three remaining demonic clones were kept alive but captive by the rings of the Dunlong Zhulang. Jinzha swung his weapon over his shoulder, looking as casual as a hunter carrying back a load of birds he shot. The trio made their way in the direction the familiar voice had pointed out.
After trudging through the trees they came upon another clearing. With a cave at the very edge of the clearing across from them. The brothers eyed the opening of the cave with caution. “So, who volunteers to be bait?” Jinzha chuckled nervously. Nezha let out a long groan, “I guess me because I’m faster than either of you slow pokes.” “Well if you don’t want to be bait this time, just say so!” Muzha snapped. Nezha huffed, “No, no, no. I’m just fine being the decoy for these blasted demons. I can get that numbskull out of hiding in five minutes tops!” “Are you sure? Maybe I can be bait this time…” Jinzha offered as he took a step towards the cave.
The proud marshal waved off his elder brother, “Jin. Let me handle this! I can-“ “On second thought, there’s nothing more alluring to a demon than a golden qilin just waiting to get devoured.” Muzha suggested. The First Lotus Prince took initiative as he shapeshifted into a shimmering, horned steed of glistening gold. Handing over the Dunlong Zhulang to Muzha. “I’ll be right back!” Jinzha smiled confidently as he trotted up to the mouth of the cave. Nezha grumbled as he crossed his arms, “Why is it you guys decide to spontaneously baby me from time to time?!” “Oh I don’t know, maybe because you’re a self-sacrificial numbskull that we almost lost to the Lady Bone Demon and Azure?” Muzha reminded him.
Nezha puffed out pink flames from his mouth in annoyance, “Oh shut up you-know-it-all…” Qilin Jinzha cantered up to the cave as if he hadn’t had a care in the world. “La, da, da, da, dee. What a lovely little cave to make my home in!” The golden decoy declared happily. On cue at least four large, inky black tentacles instantly shot out and wrapped themselves around him. The celestial prince paled considerably from this, “Oh my, he must be quite ravenous…” Poor Jinzha would have been dragged into the cave in the blink of an eye if Nezha hadn’t rushed out to grab his brother. Muzha was forced to stay back in order to keep their captives from helping the original.
“Oh no you don’t you repulsive excuse for an octopus!!” Nezha growled as he pulled back his brother from the treacherous mouth of the cave. “Actually, these tentacles look more like a squid’s.” Jinzha commented as he shuddered from the cold, wet, and slimy appendages gripping him tight. Nezha gritted his teeth as he tugged at the tentacles holding his sibling, “For crying out loud!! I wouldn’t care less if this wretched brute was a stupid squid/shark/walrus hybrid!!” Aggressive growls were heard as the monster pulled harder on its prey. Nezha had just as much strength as he tugged his sibling forward.
The demon inside roared in rage as it desperately tried to win the tug of war. Nezha pulled with all his might as he managed to drag Jinzha farther from the cave inch by inch. Muzha placed a heavy duty sleeping spell on the demon’s clones. Then he called out, “Nezha! Lend me the end of your sash!” The latter responded by extending one end of his magical cloth all the way to Muzha. The other end of the sash wrapped itself around Nezha and Jinzha. Muzha pulled onto the sash, giving his youngest brother more of an edge against their adversity. More bone-chilling roars echoed as the demon was forced to come to light. Eventually the tug of war revealed the original demon in all of its hideous glory.
Black as ink, dripping with toxic slime, as tall as a two-story house, and it resembled a- “Great. It IS a squid/shark/walrus hybrid! The next thing we need is moon cakes and dumplings raining from the sky!!” Nezha cried out in exasperation. The demon roared as it suddenly struck out dozens of tentacles. Nezha managed to evade them but Muzha wasn’t so lucky. The monster grabbed the Wooden Scholar in a flash along with the Dunlong Zhulang. Despite the fact the clones weren’t dead, the underworldly beast absorbed them anyway. Seeing that it wouldn’t be able to pull off its usual trick.
“No!!” The Third Lotus Prince exclaimed as he found both of his siblings now held captive by the disgusting monstrosity. Just then, the voice rang out once more in Nezha’s head. “Keep the bastard distracted. I got this kid.” Nezha knew the person who owned the voice had yet to fail him. The pink clad war god zoomed about the demon. Staying infuriatingly out of reach from its slimy tentacles and annoying the heck out of it by firing lotus petals or fire balls. The monster lunged again and again for the third prince. Yet the speedy deity zipped about undeterred as the beast clumsily reached after him. “MOVE! NOW!” The voice bellowed. Nezha obeyed as he soared out of the area just in time for a blur of black and white to lunge at the beast.
With a dying scream the demon was obliterated in one direct blow. Its spirit banished to Diyu as its physical remains were reduced to slime. Freeing the elder Li brothers albeit covered in icky slime. “Hmph. Could have been worse.” Muzha harrumphed as he helped Jinzha up, who had returned to his godly form. “Ugh! Why must monsters be so dramatic and disgusting!” Jinzha griped. Summoning a whirlwind of lotus petals he instantaneously cleaned himself up along with Muzha. “Much better.” The Golden Tactician smiled at the return of his regal appearance.
As relieved as he was that his siblings would be alright, Nezha wasn’t focusing on them. Yet rather on the armored man that had just slain the mighty beast in one blow. Just then, a blur of black darted towards the heavenly prince. For a split second Nezha thought it was a demon tentacle before the blur collided with him and he felt warm fur. “Xiaotian?!” The war god responded in great surprise as the renowned Howling Celestial Dog looked up at him with joy. Licking the lotus deity as it greeted the young prince he hadn’t seen in ages. “Ok, ok, ok!! I miss you too Xiao! You’re just a good boy~” Nezha laughed lightheartedly as he hugged the night black canine.
From the corner of his eye Nezha saw Muzha back away just slightly from the dog. The celestial marshal grinned deviously as he whispered to Xiaotian, “Hey buddy, why don’t you go greet my brothers? Come on, go boy!” The hound happily accepted the suggestion as he beelined to the other two Lotus Princes. “DON’T YOU DARE-“ Muzha protested. Too late. The hound knocked down both Jinzha and Muzha. Slobbering them affectionately and shedding his fur all over them. “ERLANG SHEN!! GET YOUR DAMN MUTT TO HEEL!!” Muzha screamed as suffered from the horrifying torture of puppy love. “Oh my! Good to see you Xiao! And once again you completely disregard my robes.” Jinzha deadpanned as he patted the friendly divine beast in turn.
Nezha cackled in evil mirth at Muzha’s suffering. When he suddenly let out a surprised squeak as someone much bigger and stronger than he picked him up. “Hello, xiǎo lián huā~ It’s been too long.” Yang Jian, otherwise known as the one and only Erlang Shen, greeted as he swung around the younger heavenly prince. “Ack!! Jian!!!” Nezha cried out as he was swung around by the demigod unexpectedly. Although that didn’t stop the delighted laughter from escaping the protector deity’s lips. Erlang brought in Nezha for a bear hug, ruffling the brunette’s fluffy hair. “Missed me short stuff?” The demigod asked as all three of his eyes gazed fondly upon Nezha.
“Oh please! What do you think?! It’s high time you finally came home, you old war mutt!” Nezha shot back with a pout.
“Aaaaww, love you too squirt. I hope you've been holding up ok with my demanding uncle and all. I guess he finally gave you a break from guarding that useless map?” Erlang asked casually.
Nezha sucked in a huge breath before delivering the bomb, “Erlang. Your uncle is dead. And that isn’t even half of what happened while you were gone.”
Erlang Shen’s third eye widened considerably as he processed the seemingly impossible news.
“I…I’m not going to like what I hear about the last two centuries huh?”
“Nope. Not at all.”