Chapter Text
Matt woke up the next morning in a cold sweat. He looked at the room around him, and there were Draco, Black, and Fat, as usual.
He jolted out of his little bed and started putting on his Harry Potter clothes. I can’t remember what they wore, like the robes or whatever, and his was green. Then, he started toward his first class.
He’d never been this eager to get to his classes, but he realised early this morning that he wasn’t sure where this new kid would be all day, and he was holding out hope that maybe they’d have a class or two together.
His first class was wizard math, where they learned all about being wizards and math.
He looked around the room, and it was all the same people that he was used to seeing. No sexy, jovial new kid. He was slightly disappointed, but didn’t lose hope.
He started progressively losing more and more hope as the day went on. He didn’t see Trey in any of his classes. But still, he walked into his last period, which was gay class, where they learned about being gay.
Matt did his routine check of the classroom, eyeing every student to make sure one of them was him. He let out a sigh when he realised he didn’t see him at all.
Just then, someone sat down in the seat next to him.
It was him, it was the new kid. He was sitting right next to him in all his Hufflepuff glory.
Trey looked over and noticed him staring.
“Hi,” he said, smiling, “my name is Trey. I’m new here.”
Matt took a beat. " Hey, I’m Matt. Nice to meet you,” he said awkwardly.
“It’s nice to meet you, too,” he said, then paused. “Umm… I heard something about you. From another student. Are you gay?”
Matt was taken aback. “What? Who told you that? No. No, I’m not gay.”
Trey looked shocked, “Oh, right, okay, I’m sorry for asking. I just didn’t want to make any assumptions.”
“I’m gay,” someone said before sitting between them.
It was Draco Malfoy. That stupid gay bitch, always getting in and stealing everyone’s sparkle.
“Oh, that’s interesting,” Trey said, “Me too. Maybe we could get a magic coffee or something sometime, I don’t know.”
“I’d like that,” Draco said.
“Listen,” Matt said, standing up. “Maybe I am gay, and maybe I love this new man. Draco, back the EFF off you slimy, blond bitch. I want this man, I need this man, and I’m sick and tired of you thinking you can just have whatever man you want because you’re gay and stuff.”
Trey was enamoured, “He’s right, I want this Jewish man to mySELF. This is my manz guys, and anyone who wants him needs to back off.”
Then Matt and Trey Parker walked off hand in hand and started planning their Harry Potter-themed wedding. And then they had many magical little gay babies.