Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chicago, Present Day

The young man did not want to die.

In fact, dying had been one of the greatest fears of his life. As a young child, he had researched whether scientists had yet found a path to immortality; as an adult, he despaired to find such methods himself.

Yet on the first day of October in 2015, at the age of only twenty-five, he sat on his cot, staring at the medical syringe in his shaking hand.

You see, even when seriously contemplating death – something he would never have seen himself doing before this week – he was still a coward. He'd decided to die, there was no possible better way out of this than to just die, and yet he couldn't stop his fingers from quaking like they were having an epileptic seizure. Or maybe they just wished he'd drop the syringe.

He didn't.

Slowly, painstakingly, but deliberately, he twitched his fingers so that the needle pressed against the visible vein in his left wrist. A bead of blood appeared on his pale skin, perfectly round, like a marble. He wondered at the deep crimson color. Was blood really supposed to look that way? In fact, the dark red against his now paper-white skin, coupled with the blue veins, made an oddly mesmerizing picture. Maybe he should take up painting.

His vision blurred, and he glanced at the syringe only to find it empty. When had he injected its contents? Well, no matter. That was what he had set out to do in the first place, was it not? Now he was drifting away…dying…

Dying. In a moment of lucidity, his eyes jerked open and he remembered what had driven him to this. Curse you, whoever created this miserable existence, he thought venomously.

Then the anger melted away. In the last moment before he drifted away, panic gripped him. No. I take it back! I don't want to die. Please…save… But even as he thrust the silent words from his mind, they were swallowed up by an infinite darkness.

And all was still. …Too still, really. Wasn't he supposed to be dead? He still felt alive, just as if he was floating in space. He looked, but there was nothing to be seen; he tried to move, but it was as if he were disembodied. Where am I? he tried to shout, but there was no method with which to make sound, no medium to transmit it, and nobody to hear it.

After what seemed like eternity staring at nothing, hearing nothing, feeling nothing, a time in which the man thought he must surely have gone utterly mad, a voice – no a presence – rang through his mind. You dare take your own life, it said, but not in so many words. And he shivered at hearing it, although he did not know why.

Are you… he began tentatively, hoping that he…it…could hear him.

You have no need to know my identity. Just know that someone has seen fit to give you a chance to become a human being, to realize that the value of the world lies in more than your own success, your own knowledge, your own family. The world is not necessarily unfair or wrong because you feel you have personally been shortchanged. The world does not end when you die.

He became somewhat irate. Who the hell are you, anyway? If you're just going to spout idealistic nonsense you can get out of my head.

The voice ignored him. You'll be given one more chance before your fate is decided, in a world familiar to you, although not your own. You should be thankful for this. I personally think you don't deserve it, so I'd advise you to keep your mouth shut.

You – he began, but the voice overrode him once more.

I have one last piece of advice. I don't know whether you will be able to remember your past once you are reborn, but if you do, do your best to forget it. Nothing good comes out of living in the past.

With that, the darkness exploded in a whirl of color. And the man as he was…was no more.

Palmacosta

Raine Sage, although only thirteen years old, thought of herself as a responsible adult, hardened to anything the world might throw at her. With good reason, she would argue. After all, she had been taking care of both herself and her baby brother Genis since she was eleven and he was only an infant. And everyone knew that half-elves mature quickly. But when she opened her door that morning to drop some books off at the academy and instead found a sleeping toddler at her feet, she had no idea what to think.

He was a small boy, appearing no more than two or three years old – about the same age as Genis – with hair as silver as Raine's and ears as pointed as an elf's. Despite his elfish appearance, however, Raine immediately sensed the odd mana signature that was the trademark of half-elves; not quite elf, yet not quite human. She gasped almost inaudibly, and then for once acted without thinking. She picked up the toddler in her arms, glancing around for any sign of his parents or other townspeople, and retreated back inside. In her distracted state she forgot about the loose floorboard near the door and almost tripped, noisily knocking over a chair.

"Raine...?" came Genis's sleepy voice, and Raine cursed inwardly, realizing she'd woken him. The two year-old tottered a bit unsteadily out of the room where they both slept, rubbing his eyes. Then he looked up at the other boy and his blue eyes became round. "Who?" he asked, wide awake now. Raine sighed resignedly.

"Genis," she began gently, "I found him outside. He is a half-elf, like us."

The little boy's eyes widened even further. He clapped a hand over his mouth, then looked all around the room as if he were afraid someone was hiding there and would overhear. "Really?" he said in a hushed and awed voice. He had never encountered another half-elf besides his sister. "So he'll be an elf with us?"

"Yes, Genis," Raine said softly, kneeling and placing the boy on the soft rug. "Remember, nobody can know that we are half-elves. All of us are full-blooded elves." She sat down next to him.

Genis nodded solemnly and immediately with the air of having heard the same thing many times before. Then his gaze brightened. "So will he be my new brother?"

Raine hesitated. She doubted that this young boy's parents would be coming back, considering that they had abandoned him so neatly on her doorstep. "Yes, he can be your brother," she said at last, smiling gently. It would be difficult to take care of yet another little boy, but she knew there was no way she could abandon a half-elf child who would be eschewed everywhere he went, or in the worst case – she shuddered – taken in by the Desians. She thought briefly back to the time when the Desians had tried to recruit her and Genis…

Genis's voice broke into her thoughts. "What's his name?" the boy asked earnestly, oblivious to his sister's disquiet. Raine glanced at the sleeping half-elf.

"I don't know," she admitted. "We will have to ask him when he wakes up. It seems someone may have put a sleeping spell on him."

Genis frowned. "That's not nice."

Raine smiled and ruffled her brother's hair. "It should wear off soon, but you're right; it's not," she agreed. "But we'll be his family now, okay Genis?"

"Okay!" Genis agreed happily. "I've always wanted a little brother!"

Just then, both half-elves heard the little boy stir and turned to look at him. His eyes opened and Raine noticed that they were green, which was not too unusual for a half-elf. He seemed to focus on Raine's face, and confusion crossed his expression. The boy sat up.

"Where's Father?" he asked, directing his question to Raine. Raine sat back in surprise. The reaction was not one she would have expected from a toddler who suddenly found himself without his family. He seemed very mature for his age, but she couldn't help thinking there was something else off about him.

"Who is your father?" she asked, carefully. "And can you tell me how old you are?" she added as an afterthought.

The boy blinked. "Everyone knows Father, and I'm four. Where is this?"

"You're in Palmacosta, a port town," Raine explained, watching his expression a little anxiously. "Do you know where your father lives?"

The boy stared at her for some time, as if thinking over what she had said. "Father couldn't tell me the location because it could compromise the safety of the organization," he recited dully, as if it were a sentence he had memorized. "He couldn't tell me his name either. That's sensitive information," he added, as if he thought Raine needed more explanation.

She was taken aback by this. "…I see," she said, at last, unsure of how to respond. She was about to continue, but the boy spoke again.

"This isn't where Father lives." It wasn't a question.

"…No, I don't think so," Raine agreed. Genis was listening intently, she noticed.

The boy closed his eyes, and for a second he looked like he might cry. The expression passed as he swallowed and seemed to make an effort. Then he said with a slight tremor in his voice, "Father said he might have to get me away. Some people there were bad. But he said people down here are bad too, if they know you're a half-elf." He opened his eyes and gave Raine a serious glance. "Do the bad people know you're a half-elf?"

Raine hid her surprise that such a young child could recognize her mana signature, filing away what he had said for future rumination. "No," she said slowly. "I'm an elf."

He nodded, unfazed. "That's right. I'll be an elf too, okay?" He paused. "Father said if I had to come down here, he might not be able to see me again. Will you take care of me?"

The more the child spoke, the more shocking his words were. Raine could hardly believe his calmness, but she answered immediately, "Yes, of course. Do you want to be Genis's new brother?" She put her hand on Genis's shoulder as she spoke.

The boy looked at Genis. "Hello," he said. "I'm Rai."

Genis grinned. "Hi!" he exclaimed. "I'm Genis and I'm two, so you're my big brother!"

Rai smiled.

Chapter Text

"By the way, Rai, where were you last night?"

Rai stiffened at his brother's cheerful query. How was it possible that Genis had noticed he was gone? He must have botched the sleeping spell somehow. Silently, he cursed his own ineptitude with magic. Although he could perform strong spells with enough practice, they had never come to him as effortlessly as they had to Genis, even though the other boy was a full two years younger than he was.

"…Rai? Hellllooo? Don't tell me you're off in your own little dream world again," Genis teased. Rai blinked and looked at him, remembering the question.

"Ah…nowhere," he said evasively. "Just needed some fresh air."

"If you say so," Genis said skeptically, but didn't press further. Rai massaged his temples. The younger boy knew him far too well.

Before the conversation could continue any further, Raine stood and rapped on her desk sharply with her fist. "It's time for class to start," she said sharply. "Now, has everyone –"

The rest of her words were drowned out as a gangly teenager dressed in red skidded around the corner, tripped head over heels, rolled spectacularly across the room, and crashed straight into Rai's desk, sending the small half-elf plummeting to the ground. Next to him, Genis snickered.

Rai scowled as he picked himself off the floor, dusting off his black clothes. The boy – Lloyd Irving, one of the most annoying people to grace the planet – got up as well, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. "Ah, Rai. Sorry about that. Are you alright?"

"No, I am certainly not all right," Rai said coldly. "I had a headache and you made it about ten times worse, not to mention completely derailing my train of thought –"

He was cut off by the sound of Raine clearing her throat sharply. "Rai," she said, her voice cracking like a whip, "There is no need to be rude. Lloyd has apologized, and you should accept the apology." Rai flinched at her tone, then looked back at Lloyd. Already the anger was starting to drain out of him. Why had he, a person who prided himself on his self-control, lost his temper so easily? Due to someone like Lloyd, no less.

"Apology accepted," he said stiffly. "I'm sorry for being rude, but I'd appreciate it if next time you didn't make an entrance by knocking me into the floorboards."

"Ah, yeah," Lloyd said, looking embarrassed. "I –"

"Yes, don't think you're off the hook either, Lloyd Irving," Raine interrupted, a steely glint in her eye as she thwacked the ruler she was holding into her left hand. "To the back. I thought I told you I don't tolerate lateness?"

Lloyd slumped his shoulders. "Yes, professor," he said, still sounding embarrassed as he trudged to the back. Rai almost snorted derisively, but managed to control himself at the last second. Why was Lloyd able to rile him up so? Surely the mere fact that he was…no. Quickly, Rai cut off the dangerous line of thinking. He'd sworn to push that to the back of his mind.

He focused on Raine's lecture, refusing to think any more about Lloyd or…that. The older half-elf was waxing eloquent about the wonders of the Triet Ruins, the location of the first seal Colette would have to visit. He committed himself to taking notes on the properties of polycarbonate and its possible usages in magitechnology, which had long been lost to the world…

That was another thing. He had once lived in a world where there was magitechnology everywhere. It wasn't called magitechnology then, of course. He had a couple of theories about what his memories could mean, but none of them were very believable...

Not to mention the fact that this world was…but…no. He shook his head. He was getting distracted again. He growled softly in frustration. Lloyd always did this to him. That useless idiot. The mere fact that he might possibly have such a relation with a buffoon like that made him irritable.

Rai pushed his unsettling thoughts to the back of his mind and directed his attention to the lecture.

Genis glanced up from his notes at his older brother. Rai was taking notes seemingly attentively, but his jaw was clenched and his leg was bouncing up and down rapidly in the way it always did when he was restless. He was obviously agitated about something – and Genis was pretty sure he knew what it was, too.

Ever since they'd moved to Iselia about five years ago – since Rai had first encountered Lloyd – he'd hated the other boy. Genis still couldn't fathom exactly why. It couldn't just be the fact that Lloyd acted like an idiot sometimes and didn't do well in school, although that was the reason Rai usually gave; Rai's dislike of Lloyd had started ever since he'd first met him. Genis supposed his being best friends with Lloyd didn't much help either. Rai was probably somewhat jealous, since he'd been Genis's only friend before that. But still, it wasn't enough to justify…

Well, puzzling over it wouldn't do any good. After all, he'd only thought about this like a million times before this, Genis thought in annoyance. If only Rai would just tell him the truth. Obviously he knew something about Lloyd, or maybe Lloyd reminded him of someone…either way, it definitely wasn't as simple as he'd like people to believe.

He sighed. Despite that, he liked Rai. He looked up to his older brother – Rai was always sure of himself and could handle himself like an adult, almost like Raine. And he was really smart, too – so was Genis, but Rai was smart in a different way. Genis picked up concepts really fast and he could remember things really easily – and he read a lot – but Rai could just…think really well. He could reason things out and come up with plans and just…he always seemed to make the most logical decision. Even though his magic had taken a little longer to take hold than Genis's had, Genis was still a little jealous.

He realized Raine must have asked him a question, because everyone was now staring at him. "Sorry, could you repeat the question?" he asked quickly. Raine looked at him in concern, and he sighed inwardly. She was probably thinking it was unlike him to be so distracted and now she'd be worrying about him and nagging at him all day. Raine could just be so…Raine sometimes.

"I asked who Mithos was," she said. Genis smirked a little as he stood up. History was just so easy.

"Mithos, the hero, brought about the end of the Ancient War in the Holy Ground of Kharlan," he recited easily. Raine looked a little mollified.

"Correct. Afterwards, the hero formed a pact with the Goddess Martel to seal away the Desians who caused the war."

Genis heard Rai snort under his breath and glanced at his brother curiously. What was so funny about the history lesson?

Raine paused. "We'll end the history here for today, and finish up this lesson in a few days. After all, coming up is…"

"The Day of Prophecy," the class chorused before she could finish. Genis rolled his eyes. Yeah, she'd mentioned that only about a thousand times…

"Yes," Raine said, satisfied. "Time for a math lesson. Genis, would you care to recite the quadratic equation?"

"Yes, Raine."

Lloyd yawned as the Professor worked some complicated math stuff on the blackboard. Math was just one thing he didn't see the point of. Even history was a bit better…after all, the Desians who caused the Ancient War were back, so knowing what happened in the past could be helpful.

Except, they didn't really know what happened, Lloyd reminded himself. At least, they knew Mithos the Hero ended the war, but there weren't really any details as to how he did that, or as to why the Desians were back now and causing everyone to suffer again. He had almost asked that question earlier, but had held back. He knew Rai and Genis would have poked fun at him. Genis he didn't mind so much, because he knew the elf didn't mean it. But Rai was a different story…

Lloyd sighed. He didn't want to think about Rai. He'd tried everything to be nice to him – he liked to get along with everyone – but the annoying guy just wouldn't go along with it! He wasn't sure what he could've done to make that kid hate him so much.

"Ow!" He awoke with a jolt, and realized that most of the classroom was empty. He must have dozed off. He looked up and saw that the Professor was standing in front of him. She probably slapped me again, Lloyd thought ruefully. Damn, she hits hard!

"That was for sleeping through my class," she said sternly. "Now run along!"

He grinned sheepishly, running a finger through his hair. "Yes, Professor!"

Some things never changed.

"Lloyd!"

Colette ran up to her best friend. "So you finally woke up, huh?" she joked, giggling a little to cheer him up in case the Professor had hit him a little too hard.

"Yup," he replied, putting his hand on her shoulder. "Man, the Professor can really pack a punch!" He made a face.

Colette's expression fell. "Oh no! I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

Lloyd sighed. "You dork. Stop apologizing, I told you already!"

"Oh, yeah! I'm sorry!" She smiled and grabbed his hand. "Come on, let's go see where Genis is!" She knew mentioning Rai would put Lloyd in a bad mood. She didn't know why the two of them weren't friends, but she was sure it wasn't Lloyd's fault. Lloyd was the friendliest person she knew!

"Hey, Colette…" He sounded serious. Colette's heart sank a little. He was going to ask about…

"So you'll be starting off on your journey in just a few days, huh? Regenerating the world!"

"Y-yeah," she said quickly, trying to keep her voice even and happy-sounding. She didn't want to worry Lloyd. "I'm looking forward to it!" She giggled.

"I want to come, too," Lloyd said seriously. "To protect you!"

"Lloyd…" She just couldn't bring herself to say no and watch his face fall. But the journey was just too dangerous! And then there was what would happen at the end…

"I want you to come too! But I don't think Grandmother will allow it," she said apologetically. "So let's make every day count!" She smiled at him and continued walking.

Lloyd…He didn't know anything that would happen, or what the world regeneration really meant. I'm so sorry.

Genis glared at Rai. "I can't believe you could be so heartless! She'll die if I don't help her!"

Rai looked back at him steadily. He felt bad that he was hurting Genis, but his little brother had to learn that life wasn't always fair or easy. "Genis, I told you not to go to the ranch in the first place. If you had just listened to me, this – "

"If I had listened to you, I would never have known how horribly they were treating Marble and everyone else!" Genis trembled and his eyes were filling with tears. Rai felt a pang.

"Look, Genis…" he said gently, trying to calm his brother. "I know how you feel. The people at the ranch are suffering. But there's really nothing we can –"

"No, you don't know how I feel!" Genis burst out, knocking Rai's hand away from him. "How can you be so…so cold? They're suffering and being treated horribly and being killed – and it's all because of half-elves like u-" He was muffled as Rai put a hand over his mouth.

"Quiet," Rai hissed. "Did you forget where we are? Were you really about to blurt it out in the middle of the village?! Who knows who might be listening?" He paused and took a breath. "Look," he snapped. "I'm not letting go of you until you've calmed down enough to stop blurting random things out at the top of your lungs! Calmed down yet?"

Genis nodded, still glaring at him. As soon as Rai let him go he took off running in the opposite direction. Rai sighed and slumped to the ground. That had gone completely awry. He had hoped to explain to Genis that if he were caught breaking the peace treaty, then even more people would suffer, to try to get him to see reason, but the boy just wouldn't listen! He put his hand to his forehead and closed his eyes. He knew Genis was upset because fellow half-elves were the ones doing this, but that was irrelevant to the matter at hand. There was no point in risking their lives and the lives of the whole village for the sake of a handful of people at the ranch!

"Rai? What are you doing on the ground?" Colette's innocent voice floated up to him. He felt a flash of annoyance. Sometimes he thought the Chosen didn't have any sense whatsoever. Or maybe it was all just an act? …No, that was ridiculous.

"I'm fine," he said, getting to his feet slowly. "Why don't you go find your boyfriend? I would've thought you'd be with him exclusively today, seeing as you'll be leaving soon." Colette looked hurt and immediately he felt bad, but before he could say anything she burst into tears and dashed away. He stared after her, stunned. Had he really said something that bad? Why was everyone all sensitive today, anyway?

Lloyd's voice sounded in the distance, rising in volume. "Rai! What did you do to Colette, you bastard?!"

Somehow, he had a feeling that things weren't going to get any better from here on out.

Late that night, Raine's blood ran cold as she realized she couldn't feel her brother's presence anywhere in the village.

Genis was gone.

Chapter Text

Genis stormed quickly through the darkening forest – well, as quickly as was possible with legs as short as his. His kendama was ready in his hand in case he came across any monsters – he'd roast anything that tried to stop him! – but the night was oddly quiet. So he contented himself with furiously blasting fireballs every which way.

He couldn't believe Rai. At first when Rai had tried to discourage him from returning to see Marble, he'd thought it was just because he was afraid of the Desians, but now he wasn't so sure. Did Rai even care about the suffering of all those people in the ranch? Marble was such a nice person, and even though those Desians were doing horrible things to her she still treated Genis so well and refused to give up living. And there were even little kids at the ranch, even younger than Genis was! He clenched his fists. How could Rai possibly condone something like that?!

He stopped and collapsed next to a tree, burying his face in his hands. He remembered what Rai had started to say – "People are suffering, but there's nothing we can do." How could he say something like that so calmly? How could he, knowing that people were suffering, simply stand by and ignore it? Genis could never live like that!

He realized that subconsciously, his legs had carried him to the human ranch. Sighing, he stood and turned to go; there was no point in being here now. Marble would be locked up somewhere inside, probably asleep. Tomorrow he'd ask Lloyd to take him to the human ranch on his way home so that he could take Marble some food. He doubted the Desians even fed her at all. Those Desians were so…!

But they're half-elves, just like me…

Furious, Genis gave one last blast from his kendama, forgetting temporarily how close he was to the ranch. A yelp came from a few metres ahead of him and Genis froze. Don't tell me…

"Ow! You brat! Get back here!" The singed Desian caught him by the arm and swung him around forcefully. "What are you...you're a half-elf!" His eyes narrowed. "Don't tell me you actually live together with those inferior beings."

"Look who's talking," Genis retorted sarcastically, inwardly burning with fury. Who does this guy think he is?

The Desian looked angry. "It's people like you who cater to them that keeps those inferior beings thinking they're on the same level as us! I can't believe a fellow half-elf could associate with such filth." He shook his head in disgust. "I guess I'd better take you in. I was thinking of letting you go since you're a half-elf and all, but evidently you're no better than the inferior beings you call friends."

Genis struggled, but it was no use; the Desian was much stronger than he was, and soon enough he found himself stripped of his weapons and thrown into a dark cell.

Lloyd was utterly shocked. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd seen Colette cry, but here she was, tears running down her delicate face. Immediately, he wrapped his arms around her and let her sob into his chest. When she had calmed down a bit, he pulled back and held her at arm's length. "Okay," he said firmly. "You need to tell me what's going on. I knew something was bothering you, but since you hadn't said anything I thought I'd respect that. But if it's hurting you this much, I'm not going to let you go through it alone!"

"Lloyd, I…" Colette started, but before she could finish a voice interrupted them. It was the Professor. Lloyd felt a flash of annoyance – did she have to come in now? – but pushed it away. The Professor probably had a good reason.

She took in the looks on their faces and said, "I'm sorry if I'm interrupting something, but I just wanted to ask if either of you have seen Genis. I can't find him anywhere." The worry was clear in her voice.

Lloyd felt a spurt of panic. He'd heard Rai and Genis having some kind of argument earlier, but he'd been too preoccupied with Colette and her unexpected outburst to go look for Genis. What if he'd gone to the forest and gotten hurt? Or maybe even encountered some Desians? His friend had been acting a little odd lately…

He leapt to his feet. "Professor," he said urgently, "did Genis say anything out of the ordinary to you today?"

The Professor furrowed her brow. "No," she sighed finally. "I talked to him for a moment after school, but after that he went off with Rai and I haven't seen him since…" Before she could finish, Lloyd had raced out of the door.

He had to find Rai. For sure that argument he'd had with Genis must have something to do with this. He sprinted over to the Sages' house and flung open the door. "Rai? Genis?" The house was empty, as he'd expected. Where else could Rai be? Just then, he heard a voice from behind him.

"What are you doing in my house?" Rai said, sounding annoyed.

"This isn't the time for that!" Lloyd said forcefully. "Genis has disappeared, and the last one to see him was you. I need to know what you were arguing about earlier!" He saw Rai's eyes widen fractionally and narrowed his own accusingly. "You know something, don't you?"

For the first time since he'd met Rai, some of the boy's calm façade cracked and he looked worried. "I…"

"Don't tell me he's gone to the human ranch," Lloyd pressed on. Genis had been sneaking away some of his lunch for the past few days now, although to give to whom Lloyd hadn't known; but if he wasn't in the village, the only other place was…

Rai's mouth thinned. "…That thick-headed idiot. Even if he was upset, I can't believe he actually…"

Lloyd grabbed the elf by the shoulders and shook him slightly. "Do you really think this is the time for that?!" he demanded. "If Genis has gone to the ranch, we need to get him back right away, before those Desians do something horrible to him!"

Rai's eyes closed and he didn't respond for a moment, and then they flashed open. "Then it's best if I go."

Lloyd stared at him. He'd never expected Rai to say something like that; he didn't seem like the type to barge into a human ranch on a rescue mission. "I'm coming too," he said firmly. Rai sighed.

"Lloyd, there's something you need to know," he said, "but you can't tell anyone else in the village about it."

"Fine, fine," Lloyd said hurriedly, "as long as we can save Genis. What is it? Do you know something?"

Rai looked conflicted and slightly hesitant, and Lloyd wondered briefly what it could possibly be that was affecting him so. Finally he said, "I'm a half-elf. So if I go to the Desians, I can pretend I want to join them and get Genis out that way."

Lloyd gaped. So he was a half-elf, fine…that was unexpected, but Lloyd could understand why he hadn't told them. But to go to the Desians, pretending to be one of their own…

"What's going on here? What's this about the Desians?" the Professor's voice cut into their conversation. Lloyd whirled around and faced the door, and Rai turned more slowly.

"I told Lloyd I'm a half-elf," he explained. "Genis has likely gone to the human ranch, so I'll go scout things out. It's safest for me to go, since I can always pretend to want to join the Desians if I need to save him."

The Professor looked shocked. She must have known about Rai being a half-elf, Lloyd realized. She started to say something, but Rai interrupted her. "It's okay, I told him about you guys being pure-blooded elves, and that you hid my identity to protect me," he said. The Professor said nothing, but she looked sad and knowing as she gazed at Rai. Rai was pointedly looking away.

"Well, let's get going now then!" Lloyd said, trying to diffuse the tension. "We should try to get to Genis as soon as possible."

Rai looked at him steadily with his clear green eyes. "Actually," he said, "I was thinking it might be better if we wait awhile."

Lloyd was shocked. "Why?" he asked. "How could that possibly help Genis?"

"Well, it's the middle of the night right now," Rai said reasonably in that infuriating way he had. "If Genis did go to the ranch, then he's likely already captured by now, and since he's an elf, the Desians probably won't do anything to him right away. And if he didn't go to the ranch, then we should give him a chance to come back. If he isn't back by tomorrow, we'll make a plan to go see what's going on. Plus, I think we should do it without letting anyone else in the village know. After all, if Genis has gone there, then he's broken the non-aggression treaty – I doubt the mayor will like that."

Lloyd clenched his fists. He didn't like the idea of just waiting while his friend was in danger, but he could see that Rai had a point, and the professor was nodding as well. Finally he said, "Fine, I guess that makes sense, but…how can you be so…uncaring? It's your brother who's been captured!"

Rai's eyes flashed with such fury that Lloyd was taken aback. "How dare you imply that I don't care about Genis," he snapped. "It's because I care about him that I'm trying to be reasonable. Just because I don't rush headlong into danger at the drop of a hat – "

"That's enough, Rai, Lloyd," the Professor cut in, stepping between them. "Rai is right – it would be foolhardy to try to storm the ranch now. I'm worried about Genis too, but we shouldn't lose our heads."

Lloyd sighed. How the hell was he supposed to sleep with his best friend captured? It would be a long night.

Genis jolted to alertness as he was abruptly jerked out of his cell into the early morning light. Disoriented, he looked around and realized that all the human prisoners were also being released and herded out towards the courtyard out back. He shivered with foreboding – he doubted they were being led towards anything good – and then glanced around to see if he could see Marble anywhere, but there was no sign of her. He glared at the Desian holding his arm and to his surprise, the Desian actually let go. Then he moved closer to Genis and whispered, "You can avoid all this unpleasantness if you give up those inferior beings and join us. After all, you are of the superior race yourself."

Genis glared at him and said nothing, mind racing. It occurred to him that he could pretend to be interested in joining and look for a way to escape, but then they'd probably expect him to start mistreating the humans – if he refused, his cover would be blown and he'd be in an even worse situation than before. At least right now the Desians weren't sure where his allegiances lay; maybe he could stall by pretending to be interested in their organization. Quickly, he wiped the anger off his face, hoping the Desian hadn't noticed it or would attribute it to fear. Trying to sound timid, he asked softly, "Are half-elves really superior? The humans always said…"

Just as he had hoped, the Desian's face tightened with anger on Genis's behalf. "Those filthy humans said you were inferior? Those beasts. With us, you'll be accepted for who you are, and no one will discriminate against you based on the amount of elven or human blood in your veins."

Despite himself, Genis was interested. No discrimination? They'd accept him? But…no. Don't forget the horrible atrocities these people commit, he reminded himself. The Desian seemed to have noticed the confusion on Genis's face, because his face softened and he clapped Genis on the shoulder. "Think about it," he said softly. "But for now, since you're still a prisoner, you'll have to go with the rest to watch the execution. I'm sorry."

The blood drained out of Genis's face as the Desian walked away and he was pushed forward with the crowd. Execution? No way. This is sick…He closed his eyes, fighting the urge to vomit or pass out, and steeled himself for what he was about to witness. I can't lose control, I can't lose control…

They entered a wide-open area at the back of the ranch that was familiar to Genis; it was here, by the perimeter, that he used to meet with Marble. Marble. I hope she's all right, he thought worriedly. Why wasn't she here with the rest of the prisoners? He felt a trickle of unease as he realized…No, it can't be….

Genis looked up and felt as if he had been turned to ice. Being dragged up to the front, flanked by a group of Desians, was Marble.

Colette bit her lip nervously. She couldn't stop worrying about what might be happening to Genis right now at the hands of the Desians. He'd probably gone there because he wanted to save the people at the ranch…

She sighed. She'd thought about it many times herself; people were suffering at the ranch, so shouldn't she, as the Chosen, be able to protect them? She'd comforted herself with the fact that once she regenerated the world, they would be saved, but she knew that many of them would be killed before their salvation came…

Her eyes closed. This was her fault. She was the one who was supposed to save everyone – because she couldn't save the people at the ranch, Genis was in danger. Genis, I'm so sorry…Tomorrow, she'd definitely go with them to save Genis, she decided. I can't just stand by and let something bad happen to him!

She was jolted out of her thoughts by a loud thump, and she realized that Lloyd had driven his fist into a nearby tree trunk. He lowered his hand and she could see blood running down his knuckles and dripping onto the ground. "Lloyd!" she cried in dismay, running over to him. "Please don't beat yourself up over this! Genis will…be all right…" Even to her own ears, her voice sounded hollow and unconvincing, but she gently picked up Lloyd's hand and pulled off his glove. He stared unseeingly past her, as if he had forgotten she was even there, so she guided him towards the trunk and pushed him into a sitting position so she could bind his hand.

"Lloyd," she said finally, as gently as she could. "It's not your fault…"

Lloyd's eyes finally focused on her, and he looked so helpless…Her heart broke at the sight of seeing Lloyd, who was always sure of himself, reduced to such a state. After a pause, he spoke falteringly.

"But…I knew he was giving some of his lunch to someone. I should have realized what was going on, I should have…I should –" His voice broke and Colette wrapped her arms around him comfortingly, just as he had done for her not too long ago.

"There's no way you could have known, Lloyd," she murmured. "No one would have expected you to. Besides, it's –" She stopped herself before she could say 'It's my fault, too'. She knew that would only agitate Lloyd more.

As she held her best friend, she realized that part of her was relieved that Lloyd had forgotten about her earlier loss of control, at least temporarily. She hoped he wouldn't ask about it again; she didn't know how long she could lie to him…

She felt a sudden stab of guilt. How could she be feeling glad that this had happened, just because of her own selfish reason? I should be thinking of Genis right now, not myself! She closed her eyes and sent a prayer up to the Goddess Martel. Please, Your Grace. Let him be safe.

Rai stared into space, his eyes blank. He couldn't believe that he'd revealed himself to Lloyd, of all people. He was proud of being a half-elf, but he'd had to hide for so long that just coming out and saying it…felt wrong. He hoped he'd managed to pull it off without seeming too ruffled, but his heart had been pounding like a drum and he'd broken out in a cold sweat at the thought of finally telling someone.

Still, it had to be done. After all, Genis…

Rai sighed. He still couldn't understand why he always became so weak when it came to Genis. In both this life and his previous – if that was indeed what his odd memories signified – he had always acted in his own self-interest. Even actions that pleased others were usually carefully calculated so that others' affection for him would grow, or so that he could curry favor and later receive favors back in return. But Genis…when Lloyd had told him that the younger half-elf had disappeared, Rai's heart had skipped a beat and for a second he had feared it would stop altogether. It had been an odd and dangerous feeling, one that he did not much want to experience again. Just don't let Genis get into trouble again. But that wasn't an answer. Why did he care about Genis's safety so? Yes, he should care about his brother, but if he got into trouble because he was an idiot, Rai shouldn't have to be responsible…

That was what his mind said. But still, Rai had a nervous tension in his chest that refused to go away. Even though he had been the one to point out that they should wait and not go to save Genis right away, he still felt as if he should immediately go to his brother's aid. Have I become an irrational idiot who acts impulsively on his emotions? he thought of himself in disgust. He ran his hands through his hair, pushing the long silver bangs out of his eyes, and then propped his chin in his hands. Well, there was no point in brooding about it – it would hardly change anything. He'd decided to wait until at least mid-afternoon tomorrow before going to the ranch after Genis, so he'd stand by that decision. He should get to his nightly practice in magic.

What an odd relationship he had with Genis, Rai mused as he got to his feet and dusted off his knee-length black pants. He cared about him to the point where he almost (almost, but not quite) became irrational, but at the same time was so envious of him that he had to practice spells every night in secret to keep up. It was a secret he had kept from Genis for almost a year, and his brother had come close to finding it out the other day. In fact, in a way Lloyd had saved him by rolling into the classroom, Rai thought with dry amusement.

He raised his hands, palms facing out. It was the pose he used in order to channel his magical power, since unlike Genis, he did not use a weapon. He focused his mind with practiced ease and hissed, "Icicle." As the sharp frozen shard spiked up from the ground, he examined it critically. He had noticed over the past few weeks that by tailoring how he focused his mind and how precisely he channeled his mana, he could alter the density, height, and width of the icicle. Every night he would practice his control, making the ice spike higher or lower, testing its strength, measuring its thickness with his eyes.

He had also realized that saying incantations for spells was entirely unnecessary, although very helpful. Without voicing the incantations aloud, it was very difficult to cast magic – however, it was still possible, as Rai had finally proved two days ago. As long as he could prevent his mind from wandering and keep it firmly focused on the spell and the spell only, he could manage to cast completely nonverbally, although it took a lot of concentration.

Rai had long since concluded that although he had better concentration of mind, Genis had a natural control over his mana. This was what prevented Rai from easily mastering new spells and what allowed Genis to almost intuitively shape his body's life energy into new attacks. Each different element required the mana that fueled it to be released in a specific way, and had to be infused with specific feelings. Wind was cutting, thin, and razor-sharp; ice was biting and cold; fire was fury and heat. Rai found it impossible to harness light magic or earth magic, but he could harness ice, fire, and darkness with extreme ease, while wind, lightning, and water were achievable but more difficult.

As he ran through his mental exercises and cast fifty times in each element, as he did every night, he did his best to keep his mind from straying to thoughts of his brother.

Genis felt like a hollow shell, and his eyes burned as if someone had thrown alcohol in his face. When he had first seen Marble, ice had spread through his body, and soon fire had followed it; now, neither was left.

He remembered how he had screamed and cried, how he had spewed profanities he hadn't even known he knew, how he had struggled and lashed out at the Desians restraining him, and how Marble had…

Marble had…turned into a monster…

And then the Desians had…hunted her, as if she were an animal…

Genis shuddered, and even though he had thought he must have dried up all the water in his body by now, his eyes once more filled with hot tears. All my fault…

They'd killed Marble because she'd been secretly meeting with someone from outside the ranch. As an example to the rest of the prisoners. My fault. She was meeting me.

And it wasn't enough to just kill her – they'd had to make her, a gentle, kind old lady, lose control and then make sport of ending her life…

He was still horrified, but his tears were drying up again. If he wanted to gain control of himself, he'd have to think about something academic, and not about how Marble…no. Now was not the time to brood about it. He'd cried and cried, but he needed to find a way out of here, and then he could mourn Marble properly.

A thought occurred to him and he opened his right fist. The round, blue stone gazed back at him. He knew from seeing Lloyd's similar gem that this was an 'exsphere', a tool for increasing one's innate abilities. But then why, for Marble, had it…

He closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall, thinking. The Desians had removed the stone from Marble's hand, and as soon as they had done so, the mana that made up her body had begun to pulse, and twist, and…he shuddered again to think of it. It was horribly unnatural, and he knew it must have been extremely painful.

He wiped his eyes angrily before he could begin sobbing again and directed his mind back to the matter at hand. If removing the exsphere had caused her mana to go out of control, then somehow her body must have become dependent on it. He doubted Lloyd's exsphere worked like that though...Dirk wouldn't have given his son something so dangerous. So there must be some fundamental difference between Lloyd's exsphere and Marble's…but what?

He yawned despite himself – his body was horribly taxed, he realized, feeling how his own mana was several times more depleted than normal – and leaned back against the wall. He'd ask Lloyd about it later when he got out, and he couldn't think of a way out when he was so tired…

"You! Out, now!" He opened his eyes and glanced at the bars. It was the same Desian who had tried to convince him to join before – Alai, as the others had called him. Before Genis could move, the Desians had thrust the cell door open and pulled Genis outside.

Genis was led along, prodded periodically in the back by the Desian. Nobody seemed to question where they were going – likely the Desian had orders to remove Genis. But when he was shoved out of the human ranch and into the forest, he turned around in shock. "What –?"

"Shut up," hissed the Desian quickly, grabbing Genis by the upper arm and dragging him further away from the ranch. When they were several metres away, he glanced around and then said, "You're only a kid, and a half-elf to boot; I feel sorry for you, and I don't think you should have had to see that execution. So I'm going to take you back to your village – but don't think I'm on your side," he added sharply, as Genis opened his mouth. "I'll not mention it to Lord Forcystus or the other higher-ups this time, but don't expect any other special treatment in the future." He paused. "And, of course, I'll be warning the inferior beings that any further breaches of the treaty will not be taken so lightly." He glanced at Genis and added, "I think you'll soon see, though, that half-elves have no place among humans. If they knew what you were, they would turn on you without a moment's thought."

With that, he resumed the quick pace, dragging a shocked Genis in his wake.

"Get out here, inferior beings!" The harsh yell rang in Rai's ears, and he hurriedly sprang to his feet and exited the house. By the village entrance was a Desian, and next to him – Rai felt a rush of relief – was Genis.

Within a few minutes, all the villagers had gathered. There was a strangled yell from Lloyd. "Genis!" The swordsman attempted to rush forward, but Raine caught his arm. Rai knew why. There was no knowing what the Desian's intentions were in bringing Genis back.

"Listen up, filth," the Desian snarled. "This brat has been found on our property – in clear violation of the non-aggression treaty." Shocked whispers sprang up throughout the crowd, but the Desian held up a hand for quiet and they subsided. "However," he continued, pausing – for dramatic effect, Rai thought – before he finished his sentence. "I have seen fit to condone this one time, and neglect to report this for Lord Forcystus." Before the crowd could make a sound, he added loudly, "After all, this child is of the superior race – a half-elf, much more deserving than filth like you. I could hardly condemn one of my own kin."

There was a shocked, heavy silence. Rai could probably have heard a pin drop, if there were one to hear.

"At any rate, you have all been warned," the Desian said. Before he released Genis, who looked petrified and ashamed, he bent over to whisper something into the boy's ear. From Rai's vantage point, he managed to make out the words "…for your own good." He frowned, wondering what that could mean – and then it became clear. The Desian had revealed Genis's race in an effort to show the boy that humans were not to be trusted.

Rai gritted his teeth angrily. Although that was true – humans were indeed by and large a fickle and dull-witted race – that was hardly a good reason to expose a mere child to such cruelty as would now be heaped on him by the villagers.

Several thoughts entered his mind at the same time as he scrambled frantically for the best course of action. His first thought was that one option was to simply let Genis take the fall, but he rejected that possibility almost immediately for multiple reasons – one, that Rai's own identity as well as Raine's would then come into jeopardy, and two, that he simply didn't want Genis to have to face that. He also considered that if Genis and Raine were both to be exiled, even considering Rai escaped the same fate, he would then be alone in a now suspicious village – not a very appealing thought. And there was also the debt he still had to Raine, he admitted grudgingly to himself; she had raised him and for that she deserved something in return.

Suddenly another thought came to him, and slowly, his mind cleared. Yes – there was a way he could resolve this, a way in which he could kill two birds with one stone. He smirked slightly. Things were always better when one had a plan.

Chapter Text

Hateful stares. Disgust. Eyes boring into him from every side. Genis didn't dare seek out his friends for fear that he would see the same emotions in their eyes as well. He would be abandoned again. Just as he had been by his parents, and just as he had been by his previous friends. Lloyd was a good person, but surely even he would feel betrayed and be disgusted that he had been friends with a half-elf - a half-elf just like the ones who had killed his mother.

Through the haze of his emotions and the odd ringing in his ears, he heard a voice. One he recognized. His head jerked up in confusion and he stared at Rai, from whom the sound had come. No. His brother couldn't possibly have said what Genis thought he'd said...In his shock, his ears cleared and suddenly he could hear every sound more sharply than he would have liked.

"How do we know you're not lying?" the mayor was snarling, staring at Rai with narrowed eyes. "You could just be lying to save your brother. Or you could both be half-elves, for all we know!"

Genis's heart felt like it was being squeezed in his chest. He wanted to speak, but his mouth was dry and he couldn't seem to make it - or anything else - move. No. What is he doing?

Rai faced the mayor calmly, his green eyes as cold as they had ever been. There was a hatred there that Genis had hardly ever seen his brother show. "You humans are so unbelievably dim-witted," Rai said with a voice like ice. "Do you want me to lay it out for you? I was adopted by Raine and Genis. They are not my true siblings by blood. Haven't you ever wondered why Genis is so much more magically gifted than I am? That's the true elven blood running in his veins. As a mere half-elf, I couldn't possibly be as strong."

Genis closed his eyes. He knew that wasn't true. The amount of elven blood running through your veins didn't necessarily correlate to the strength of your magic. But when he glanced back at the villagers, he could see that they now looked confused and were muttering amongst themselves. He felt an inkling of surprise. Were humans really this gullible?

No, that was besides the point. More importantly - he couldn't let Rai do this. Genis was the one who'd caused all this to happen, so there was no way he was going to let someone else take the blame. He opened his mouth to interject, only to find a hand covering his mouth and his sister's voice whispering in his ear. When had she made her way over to him?

"Genis, stop. If you admit that you're a half-elf, what Rai is doing now will be for nothing. We will all be exiled from the village. Do you understand?"

Genis felt ice run through his body once more. Raine was right. But that didn't make it feel any less wrong.

Rai surveyed the villagers gathered around the clearing, unfazed by their muttering and sideways glances. At least, he tried to be unfazed. He should be. After all, there was no reason for him to care what assumptions these ignorant bigots made about him on the basis of his race. They hated him mostly out of fear, and it was a logical and inevitable happening that the less capable should fear and hate their superiors. Half-elves were not only more intelligent on average than full-blooded humans but were also capable of using magic, something no human could hope to accomplish. That was simply the way nature had dealt things out.

He made sure to keep his posture relaxed and his eyes unreadable while he waited to see what the villagers' response would be. He noticed that the Chosen was absent from the crowd and wondered briefly where she was before remembering that she would be at the temple at this time, preparing for the Journey of Regeneration. Regeneration indeed.

The mayor was staring at through narrowed eyes as if struggling to come to a conclusion about what Rai had said. Rai met his gaze with a hint of disdain, then glanced at Genis, who looked more frozen than before, if that was even possible. His brother opened his mouth as if to say something - of course, Rai should have known Genis wouldn't like this - but before Rai had to do anything, Raine had silenced her brother. Just as expected. Of course there's no way she would let her real brother get into trouble, Rai thought bitterly. Raine had always cared for Genis more. It was to be expected, since they were related by blood.

The mayor finally began speaking again. "If this is true - " he said slowly. Rai cut in before he could continue.

"Of course it's true," he said haughtily. "Why in the world would I lie in such a self-destructive manner as this? Revealing myself to be a half-elf is hardly beneficial to me. Do I have any reason to lie? Please think a little before you speak." Of course, there is no reason why I would tell such a self-destructive truth either, he thought wryly, but these humans are too dull-witted to pick up on that.

As he had anticipated, his words served to further infuriate the mayor. "Silence, half-elf," the elderly man snapped, fingers jumping to his moustache. "I am the mayor of this village and I will not be spoken to in that way, especially by a half-breed. You've decieved us all and I can't allow someone so dangerous to stay. After all, for all we know, you could be working for the Desians - "

"And how do you figure that?"

Rai stiffened in surprise. This new interjection was something he hadn't counted on.

"L-Lloyd?" stammered the mayor in surprise as the tall swordsman stepped forward, his eyes firm. "What do you mean?"

"Why does Rai being a half-elf mean that he's working for the Desians? Actually, why does it matter at all that he's a half-elf? Genis and Raine are elves, so they're different from us too, but they're still allowed to stay in the village!"

Rai clenched his hands into fists. Why was Lloyd defending him? He's going to ruin everything with his stupidity, no matter how well-meaning.
The swordsman was already continuing further.

"In fact, to be perfectly honest, I already - "

No. That fool.

" - already knew that Rai was a half-elf."

Rai felt like smacking a hand to his forehead, refraining only because of the scores of eyes fixed on him.

There was a short silence. Then the mayor bellowed, "Lloyd Irving, you knew that there was a half-breed traitor living in our village and you deliberately hid this from us?"

Lloyd looked bewildered and defensive. "Haven't you been listening to anything I've been saying? He isn't a traitor, and it shouldn't matter that he's a half-"

Rai had had enough. "That will do, Lloyd," he cut in smoothly, and the villagers' heads swung around neatly to face him instead. You're not spectators at a duel, he thought irritably, but managed to keep his face neutral. "I appreciate your efforts, but there is no need to overstrain yourself trying to reason with these people. There is also no need to lie. Thank you for trying to help me, but I know you had no idea about my race." He ignored Lloyd's stunned expression and turned to face the mayor, who looked even more flabbergasted than before. "I will leave this village," he said clearly as gasps broke out throughout the clearing, "since it is clear you were planning to exile me. Although I will point out that exiling a half-elf before knowing his allegiances is a truly idiotic move, since regardless of whether I was working with the Desians in the past or not, it is certainly a much more attractive option now. Good day." He turned to make his way back towards his house, praying that neither Lloyd nor Genis would say anything more. Of course that would have been much too good to be true.

"If you're exiling him, then I'm going too," Lloyd said firmly, at the same time as Genis started, "This isn't f- " before he was muffled again by Raine's hand. Rai froze mid-step, barely restraining himself from turning back around. Of all the idiotic...

"Very well," he heard the mayor say from behind him. "From this day, by the rights I hold as mayor, I exile Lloyd Irving and Rai Sage from this village. Be gone!" Rai's sensitive ears picked up his footsteps as he stormed away towards his house.

Slowly, the villagers started to disperse. After a few moments of utter silence during which Rai tried - and failed miserably - to calm his emotions, he whirled on Lloyd. "What the hell did you think you were doing?" he hissed. "If you wanted to gain some kind of favor with me, I'm afraid you're sadly mistaken - "

To Rai's chagrin, Lloyd actually interrupted him. "It's nothing like that," the other boy said with uncharacteristic seriousness. "I believe that everyone who is born has the same right to live without being treated differently. I don't want to live in a village where others are kicked out because of something they can't help."

Rai found that for once, he was actually speechless.

Genis finally spoke up as well, pushing Raine's hand away roughly. "Lloyd's right, he said firmly, locking his gaze with Rai's. "You shouldn't have done that, Rai. It was me who made a mistake, so it shouldn't have to be you who pays for it. I'm coming with you, after all I'm also -"

"That's enough," Rai said quickly before his brother could reveal his race. "There's no point in you leaving the village too. Understand? If you don't want this kind of thing to happen, don't make that sort of mistake in the first place." He softened a little when he saw the look in Genis's eyes. "It's not like I won't see you again." He turned to Lloyd and added grudgingly, "Is it all right if I stay at your place for a bit, considering the circumstances? I assure you I don't plan to be there forever, but..."

"Of course I don't mind," said Lloyd, and then added, "Oh, and Genis - meet me in the forest tomorrow morning just before sunrise. We have a lot to talk about."

Rai turned to Raine. "I have things to discuss with you as well. Would perhaps the same time be convenient, as well as the usual place?" He was impressed at the neutrality in his own voice.

"Yes, of course," she responded, her eyes showing uncharacteristic worry. "Rai, I -"

"No need," he cut in curtly. "I know you're grateful I saved your brother. Don't worry about it." He turned and stalked off before she could say anything else. He didn't want to hear it - the words that confirmed Genis was more important to her, that Rai was only an outsider with no relation to anybody.

Even though he'd accomplished the first step to something he'd been planning for years, Rai's heart felt like ice.

Genis could hardly believe the events of the past day. No - it was more that he didn't want to believe it. First capture, then...then Marble, then the odd behavior of the Desian, topped off with the horrible revelation and Rai's sacrifice. As the latter event came to mind, Genis felt a horrible twinge in his chest. It took him a moment to identify the feeling as guilt - guilt so heart-wrenching that for a few moments he was drowning in it, suffocating, so ashamed and angry that he could hardly breathe. He had dismissed his brother's opinion, even yelled at him, and caused Marble to die. And to make it worse - nothing had happened to Genis. No; Rai had suffered all the consequences, despite having been right...

The young half-elf realized that his face was wet and he wiped away the salty tears angrily with his sleeve. His brother - and Lloyd too, he thought guiltily - were both exiled, and he was sitting here crying? As if I'm not useless enough right now as it is, he thought furiously. What was wrong with him? What had happened to his usual sarcastic self, to his confidence in his abilities? He needed to get it together! And I owe Lloyd a major explanation, he thought suddenly, the guilt returning in full flood as he remembered his meeting with his best friend in only a few more hours.
Everything was his fault, so he should at least tell Lloyd everything.

And Rai. Even though his brother acted unfeeling, Genis knew he cared more than anyone, no matter how much he denied it even to himself. He thought back to the time when a human girl in the village had been obsessed with Rai, gushing about him to everyone that came near her; Rai had rejected her harshly, and the girl had cried for days. The children of the village had been abuzz with this confirmation of the Ice Prince's lack of consideration for others, and with righteous anger on the girl's behalf.

Only Genis had known what his brother might be thinking - after all, he was a half-elf also. Rai knew as well as Genis the horrible relations between elves and humans - a human girl should have known not to flirt with someone who was, to her, an elf. But when Genis had brought the subject up, Rai had insisted that he wasn't noble the way Genis made it sound, that he had only reacted that way because the girl was annoying him and below his standards. His brother had lied so convincingly that even Genis had almost believed him - until he caught the telltale twitching of his right earlobe, a sign that Rai was not telling the truth. It was a habit that was only obvious when Rai was with Genis for whatever reason; Genis doubted that Rai realized this himself, even now.

Coming back to the present, Genis felt furious with himself for calling Rai cold-hearted. He, of all people, should know better.

It was testament to the complexity of the situation that Raine Sage's mind was racing past her ability to control it.

And so she had done the only thing she could do, and that was to retreat from the situation to regroup. The only problem was, it didn't seem to be working quite as well as it usually did.

Somehow, it seemed that Raine's consciousness had separated into multiple distinct parts, one of which, staring blankly out over the small pond near her home, was aware of the stares of other villagers, but was completely disconnected from the rest, which were trapped inside her skull and were thus connected and yet not.

The first voice was urging, Genis is inside, he's your brother, go comfort him -

Even as the voice Raine liked to think of as her rational mind thought it probably it would be best to leave him alone now.

But still the first voice continued to nag, and even as it did a third was vying urgently to make itself heard - You need to think about what Rai did...think, Raine, what are his possible motivations, it seems so out of character -

To which her sentimentality started desperately but no, how can you think that way, he did it only to help you and Genis, how can you even suspect -

That voice she immediately quashed, though, as she so often did. And she looked back to the voice of rationality, and Raine couldn't help but be swayed by its argument that there is more to this than meets the eye, because logically Rai could have achieved this in a number of other, safer, less self-destructive ways...

Sentimentality immediately tried to respond that maybe Rai just hadn't thought of that, but Raine knew better than to listen to it and already Rationality was scoffing, of course Rai had thought of it...

Shut up, she thought firmly to the voices in her mind, and although they refused to subside, she would do her best to think through them. Then she closed her eyes.

The fact was that Rai had made a decision she would never have expected him to make, thus upsetting any reasonable expectations Raine had previously been prepared to react to. Although it was admittedly touching that he would be so self-sacrificing - the logical conclusion, her experience told her, was that he hadn't been self-sacrificing.

Or at least, not purely so. After all, why hadn't the meticulous, careful half-elf at least attempted to convince the villagers that the Desian was lying through more conventional means of persuasion - and for that matter, why had he then seemed so very eager to be exiled? He'd suggested the option himself, which Raine knew was completely out of character for him. Obviously, she argued, unsure of with whom she was arguing, obviously, there really is more to this than meets the eye.

On the other hand, what was done was done, and Rai had done both Raine and Genis a favor, regardless of possible ulterior motives...

She sighed. When Rai had stepped forward, she herself had felt a twinge, an urge to stop him. But as usual, she had been forced to silence Sentimentality when she realized that Rationality made much, much more sense, and so she had moved to keep her brother from the very intervention she herself had wanted to make. Because she could see that Rai had had a plan, probably a specific one. And whatever it was, intervention would only spoil both it and any chance that at least some of them would be able to escape the wrath of the village.

No matter how much Rationality and Raine agreed that Raine had made the right decision, however, Sentimentality would pop up at intervals and whine why couldn't you save him, why didn't you react first before your little brother had to step in, did you really need to reinforce his stupid idea that you don't care about him -

She sighed as she once again pushed that voice to the back of her mind, and thought, not for the first time, this can't be healthy...

Not to mention she hadn't even yet addressed the problem of Lloyd. Rai probably hadn't anticipated Lloyd's actions, which only went to show that the half-elf didn't understand Lloyd in the least, and certainly not as much as he thought he did. Which was to be expected, Raine thought, a little sadly. Rai had never understood the concept of helping others simply because you cared, without weighing factors of personal gain. Which came back again to her surety that he had some kind of hidden reasoning...

One thing was clear, though, despite the chaos raging in her mind. Rai might have more reasons for what he'd done than solely his worry for Genis, but the simple fact that the latter reason existed made it impossible for Raine to condemn him for it.

The forest seemed different today, more uncertain, far less familiar. That was saying something when it came to Lloyd Irving, because he knew this place like the back of his hand.

Today, though, as he made his way to where he'd agreed to meet Genis, nothing seemed the same, and it was like the whole of Sylvarant had turned on its head -

No longer did this forest connect him to Iselia. For him, Iselia was no longer an option - it was cut off, inaccessible. The place where he'd grown up, the villagers he had known for years - all no longer his.

That thought was fleeting, though, because there were more important things to think about. Such as what had happened to Genis, and what had happened with Rai, who was probably meeting Raine right now, or who knows what else he was doing. Lloyd had no doubt that he had done the right thing in defending Rai, but for whatever reason Rai didn't seem very appreciative. And then there was Genis...

Lloyd clenched his fists. After what Rai had done, there was no doubt in his mind that Genis was a half-elf. The look in his friend's eyes whenever his race was mentioned, his undeniable guilt when that Desian had made that announcement - Lloyd knew Genis far too well to be fooled for a second. But the thing was, that didn't matter, and he was furious that the other villagers seemed to think it did. Genis was one of the coolest people he knew, and he was smart, too, even though he was younger than Lloyd. He just hoped that Genis knew that, didn't believe for a second that he somehow was less worthy because he was a half-elf, and he hoped Genis knew Lloyd knew that...

He saw Genis up ahead and broke into a run.

And when he reached his best friend, panting to catch his breath, his heart sank more than a little, because Genis wasn't meeting his eyes.

"Genis!" Lloyd exclaimed in his friendliest voice, clapping him on the back. "I'm glad you could get away." What should I say to make him understand?

His friend's eyes were still fixed on the ground, and when he spoke, there was none of the sarcasm Lloyd was used to. "Lloyd, I'm so sorry...you were...this is all my fault - "

Lloyd didn't let him finish. "No, Genis, this is not your fault," he said firmly, placing his hands on his friend's shoulders. "I said what I did of my own free will, and I would do it again if I got the chance. I really believe it, Genis - I don't care if you or anyone is a half-elf or an elf or a bird or whatever - you're still you."

Genis looked up and his eyes looked desperate. "L-Lloyd, but it's not just that, I've been lying to you, I know what Rai said but actually I - "

"I already know," Lloyd said quickly. "That you're a half-elf. That's what you were going to say, right?"

His friend looked shocked. "How did you...?"

"Hey, come on, I feel hurt. We aren't best friends for nothing, you know."

Far from looking reassured, though, Genis looked panicked now. "But I've been lying to you this whole time, and don't you see, I didn't trust you, didn't trust you to still be friends with me..."

Lloyd almost laughed, he was so relieved. That's what Genis had been worried about? "You dork! Of course we're still friends. Look, I understand your not telling me, and honestly, it doesn't matter. Like I said, it's fine if you're a half-elf, and it was fine if you were an elf. And if you didn't tell me, I know you had your reasons. You've always been a good friend to me and there's no way I would let something like this - "

He paused and faltered a little as he realized that there were tears running down Genis's cheeks. The half-elf covered his face with his hands. Lloyd stammered, "Are you...?" He wasn't sure what he had been saying before.

"Lloyd...Thanks. I..."

"It's okay. I already know."

After a few minutes when Genis had calmed down a bit, he said, "There's more, though, you know. Like what happened at the ranch, and I know you hate Desians, but I actually sympathized with one for a split second - "

Lloyd listened to what had happened. And although he was shocked, and horrified, and angry on Genis's behalf, relief was bubbling up inside him.
He still had his best friend. And more importantly, Genis still had him.

Chapter Text

Rai rested his back against the nearby tree and kept his eyes closed. One part of his mind was probing, searching around him for the slightest changes in mana. After all, he couldn't afford to be ambushed by some monster and be killed - it would be an especially ridiculous way for his plan to be foiled.

All the other parts were directed inward, occupied with various issues. In one corner of his mind, he pondered the odd memories of another childhood; in another, he analyzed the possibilities for his next, specific move; and in yet a third several opposing thoughts were locked into battle over the optimal way to join the Journey of Regeneration (without seeming suspicious, but that was a minor bonus).

The aforementioned first part was enveloped in memory. Memory of a time when he had been - Rai could explain it no other way - decidedly human. But it was more than that. Not only had he lacked pointed ears and magical power, there had been no mana in his body - actually, no mana anywhere. The air had been empty, dry, and stifling. Or maybe that was because he hadn't been able to sense mana?

It made sense, though, as he had concluded years ago, that there would at least be limited mana, because of the prevalence of what seemed to be magitechnology. Although from his memories, it didn't seem that it had been called magitechnology (technology, yes, but "magi" didn't seem to be in the picture, regardless of how much Rai had racked his brain searching for it). Not only that - if Rai's not being a half-elf hadn't been strange enough - he had looked different too. In short, he had been an entirely different person. With black hair, rounded human ears, and dark brown eyes, to be exact.

If the prevalence of magitechnology, or rather technology, had been the only thing he remembered (which it had been, for some years) he would have thought these memories were simply memories of his time up there, with Father, where there had definitely been plenty of magitechnology (although also plenty of mana, and Rai had been decidedly half-elven then).

But with all the major factors taken together, along with some other memories of things that just shouldn't be possible, and the fact that he remembered that there wasn't magic in that time -

Rai could only conclude that his memories were of another - specifically, a past - life.

Don't remember it, whispered a voice in his mind. It won't do you any good. Rai only scoffed. Even a two-year old knew that the past was important.

But, well...a "past life" wasn't technically the only conclusion. It was just the only one he was willing to accept. Even accepting that one was difficult, because he then also had to also accept unprovable concepts such as the idea of a soul being reborn, possibly multiple times. In different worlds, no less. And the other options, which included the possibilities of Rai being absolutely crazy, were not pleasant to think about.

There had been one other possibility which he had actually considered for some years, though. This was the idea that Father or another member of Cruxis had implanted such false memories into Rai's brain permanently (though he was unsure that it was possible) using magitechnology or some other art. But there was one thing he had eventually remembered which was so astonishing and ridiculous, he had been quite convinced that maybe he really was quite mad.

And that was the existence of a certain screen in the other world - a 'television' screen to be more exact - it had taken him years to finally remember those two terms -
A screen which had displayed a story, one that Rai had been able to indirectly influence by holding some kind of device that allowed him to remotely take control of characters inside the screen.

And not only that, but the characters inside the screen - and the world they lived in - were both very familiar. In fact, it seemed it had been the same world Rai was living in now.

Which was completely impossible. (Or so Rai had thought, but now he was starting to believe it; so far events occuring in real life - this life - matched exactly his memories of that simulation, if that was what it had been - )

And that was when he'd realized that if he didn't go with a certain conclusion for the sake of peace of mind, he probably would go mad after all. So he'd decided he'd go with the theory that these were memories of a previous life, and that screen had showed this world and what would happen in it, and that it was accurate.
He'd stick with that until and unless it was somehow disproved.

Then, under the assumption that what had occurred in that simulation would accurately predict what would happen in Rai's life now, there were certain things he knew.

The problem was, he only had limited memories of his...previous life...although it seemed that they slowly increased. Rai had theorized that as he grew up, more and more memories were unlocked - since he was fourteen now, he thought he vaguely remembered what had happened up until the age of fourteen in that other world. This meant there were many things that he still didn't know.

However, one of the earliest things he had deduced was who Father was. More precisely - he could identify one of the characters in that simulation to have been Father.

And through more deduction, he had realized that the unknown organization he had been raised in was none other than Cruxis, the very organization that kept this false system of regeneration going to keep the balance between the two worlds. ...If his memories were to be believed.

He remembered the story as the characters had embarked on the Journey of Regeneration - the very Journey that would soon be starting - and could remember most of the details all the way up to the Tower of Salvation. He remembered the group discovering Tethe'alla, realizing there that Cruxis was not quite so benevolent as it seemed, and then almost being killed until they were rescued by a group of people that seemed to be Desians but weren't (but for the life of him Rai couldn't seem to remember what they had been called). After that, he remembered next to nothing. Yet.

Something from the little Rai did remember, though, was that the group had eventually traveled to Tethe'alla. And more importantly, he remembered the leader of Cruxis.

Mithos.

Mithos "the Hero", as Genis had earlier termed him in class.

It was one of the things that his mind refused to forget, although without knowledge of the rest of the journey, some of it seemed nonsensical.

It seemed Mithos the Hero was not only a half-elf (imagine that), but also now the leader of Cruxis. And mastermind of a scheme that would make everyone the same. A scheme meant to eliminate discrimination.

More interestingly, Rai could identify with that point of view. That was a little strange to him, considering that Mithos had been the enemy, was the enemy, considering what he was doing by stopping the development of magitechnology and knowledge. This, Rai definitely objected to - how could someone even think of sabotaging the advancement of science like that...?

And so Rai had endeavored that he would arrange for himself to go along on the Journey. Both so he could see if his theory about his memories was true and also so he could pull some strings. And to possibly find out the details of Mithos's plan. And because he didn't particularly want to sit around in Iselia for the next few years and wait around, wondering if it had really gone the way it was supposed to.

Not only that - he had another theory. Since he himself had not existed in the simulation as he remembered it, his mere presence could change things. At the very least he should go on the Journey - that way he would have the ability to at least try to steer things in the right direction, whatever he deemed that direction to be. At any rate, staying behind in Iselia would not be particularly helpful. And the world being destroyed wasn't a desirable outcome, since that would of course result in Rai's death.

It was with this in mind that he had gotten himself exiled from the village - it paved the way to his first plan to get himself taken along on the journey.

Rai sighed and lay back in the grass, blinking up at the treetops. Sometimes his mind felt so abuzz with activity that he wished he could just...turn it off temporarily, have a moment of peace. Having pondered Mithos a few minutes ago, some part of his thoughts couldn't help to return to that, wondering about Mithos's motivations and what made them so bad. After all, it seemed like maybe Mithos could be reasoned with, despite probably being insane. All he wanted was a world free of discrimination and to have his sister back - if Rai could come up with a way to achieve those goals without this accursed cycle of Regeneration...

Still, the age of lifeless beings didn't sound entirely bad - if you were the one leading it, and didn't become lifeless yourself. There was something to be said for being assured in your knowledge of how the world worked, being able to predict any outcome, being perfectly in control.

Rai grinned suddenly. ...Yes, this journey might turn out to be a lot of fun after all.

When Raine cautiously entered the clearing where she had agreed to meet Rai, her adopted brother was reclining against a large tree, his eyes closed and his breathing relaxed. She heard the subtle change in its cadence and knew that he had sensed her presence, and a moment later he spoke.

"So you've arrived. Please, feel free to have a seat. I'm sure you have much to ask me." It was a thinly veiled jab at her suspicions concerning his motives, and they both knew it.

She strode forward and folded her legs under her so that she was seated beside him in front of the tall oak. He seemed utterly relaxed, almost as if asleep, his long legs stretched out in front of him and his head tipped back. He was dressed in his usual sleeveless black half-shirt, which exposed the pale skin of his navel. She had yet to find out why he dressed in such an unorthodox way, but she found it hard to believe that he didn't have a reason. This was Rai she was talking about, after all.
After waiting in silence for a time, it became clear that Rai was not going to say anything more, so she asked quietly, "Are you all right?"

Rai finally opened his eyes, and she was only half surprised to see them flash with something between amusement and annoyance. "Do you really care?" he asked. Although his tone was derisive, there was something more to it - as if at least a part of him honestly wanted to know.

"Of course I do," she responded, although she knew he wouldn't believe her. She kept her own annoyance out of her tone. By taking this avenue, he had neatly evaded her next move; there was no way she could reasonably ask about his possible ulterior motives for saving Genis now, not without being accused - and rightfully so - of favoritism. She had no choice but to move on. "What did you wish to discuss?"

An odd look passed across her brother's face for a moment. She wasn't sure if it was hurt, confusion, or apprehension; possibly a mixture of the three, but before she could decide, the lapse was over and his gaze was as inscrutable as always. "It concerns the Journey of Regeneration," he said finally.

She studied him, not giving him a response, and after a few more moments of silence he continued.

"Although I am aware this was almost certainly not in the original plan, it makes the most logical sense for Lloyd, Genis, and I to come along on the Journey." There was a faint note of defeat in his tone, so subtle that Raine would not have noticed but for her already aroused suspicion.

"Because it would be safer than being on your own, without the protection of the village," she finished for him. Then, before she could stop herself, she added, "So this is why you - "

The faintest of smiles graced Rai's face. "Of course you, with your intellect, would have noticed. Yes, my dear sister, you are correct. I planned to be exiled for this very reason - I wished from the beginning to come along on the Journey. I wouldn't be admitting this now but for a simple fact: your knowing my reasoning is not grounds to leave me behind, naturally."

"Of course." She sighed and leaned back against the tree. So he'd planned to come along on the Journey, but she doubted he'd give away his reasons.

After a short pause, she added, "You haven't fooled me, though. I know that wasn't your only reason for doing it. You wanted to spare Genis."

He looked taken aback for a moment, and as she had expected, a slightly defensive look flashed across his face before his expression was wiped clean. He smiled again and raised both palms in surrender. "You've caught me. Who could blame me, wanting to save my cute little brother?"

Raine narrowed her eyes at him. She knew, from the way he was trying to conceal his expression, that he didn't really believe what he was saying. Yet she also believed that he truly did care about Genis. Was it that he refused to admit that even to himself, and yet wanted her to think the opposite?

These mind games got tiring sometimes, she conceded, even when played with her little brother. He was admittedly quite brilliant, at least as much as she'd been at his age, but was also certainly lacking in the emotional department.

Rai's voice broke into her thoughts. "Continue staring at me that way and I might think you suspect me of something," he said lightly, jokingly. She wondered why he bothered to keep up the pretense when he knew that she knew he knew they were both pretending.

She laughed. "Far from it, of course. So was that all you wanted to talk about? I see your point about the Journey, of course. You and Lloyd have been banished, and due to your half-elf status you may be targeted by the Desians. As for Genis, he would likely be in danger if he stayed because the villagers have only been temporarily dissuaded; it is likely he will still face some difficulty, and if his identity is exposed more definitely he might be exiled as well, on his own this time."

Rai was smiling again. "Precisely. I wonder at how easily you mirror my thoughts, sister. I would add to that the fact that Genis is an accomplished mage - more so than myself, in all honesty. It is actually likely that I will need more protection than Genis." She didn't miss the slight, bitter edge to his voice here.

"That may be true," she conceded. "So is there anything else you wished to confide in me?"

"There is." Rai's expression turned serious. "I plan to obtain some exspheres from the Desian ranch by posing as a Desian. They will aid us greatly in fighting. I have already mentioned it to Lloyd; he can convince Dirk to make some key crests for safer use."

Raine felt a jolt of surprise. This she had not expected. "It's unlike you to do something so dangerous. What exactly are the capabilities of these exspheres? And how do you know of them?"

Rai actually laughed, to her chagrin. "I'm sorry, it's just that I completely forgot I hadn't mentioned it to you before. I heard about them from...Dirk, but you may also have noticed that Lloyd has one; it's the gem on his hand, although he tries to keep it covered up. At any rate, although I don't know too much about them - "

Did she hear a hint of sarcasm in his voice, or was her mind playing tricks on her?

" - I do know they are gems that grant their wearer certain powers - or that is to say, they bring out one's innate power. To put it simply, they appear to ease the flow of mana through one's body, so that spellcasters' magic becomes stronger and even humans obtain the ability to use their own mana in a limited way. That is why Lloyd is able to pull off such impossible-looking sword techniques and jumps."

Despite herself, Raine was fascinated. "I see. I would certainly like to study them more. And the key crests you mentioned?"

"Well, as you might imagine, something so useful comes with a price. If an exsphere is equipped on the naked skin without any control mechanism, it eventually pulls one's mana out of equilibrium and ends up destabilizing it. You can imagine the result."

Raine shuddered. If Rai was right, such warping of a body's mana would be devastating. Survival for a sustained time would be difficult, and certainly the physical equilibrium would become warped in a way analogous to the mana. "...In short, one would become a monster..."

She hadn't realized she'd spoken aloud until Rai replied. "Exactly. That's why it's so important to use a key crest to tailor the exsphere, control it so that it meshes properly with the body's mana. Dirk is able to create these with the proper materials. However, I mean to try to find exspheres already equipped with key crests, if possible. Dirk's skills will be a last resort."

She found herself nodding as he spoke. "That is certainly wise. I probably should warn you against going, but on the contrary, I must ask..." Her cheeks colored at his knowing grin, but she plunged on: "...will you find one for me as well?"

The imposing structure of the Desian human ranch loomed far up, its sharp edges cutting the sun's arc neatly in half. Its construction was analogous to its dark purpose - menacing, gloomy, and composed of heavy grey brick.

Rai hated the sight of it, but not for the reason most villagers probably would. He hated it for being a pawn of an organization, in place only to propagate an endless pendulum of decline and ascendance. He hated it for deceiving well-meaning half-elves into gambling away their lives for, in the greater scheme of things, absolutely nothing at all. And yet he relished what he was about to do now.

Not only would it be a good mental exercise in acting and quick thinking, but it would also serve as a good opportunity to gather more information about the Desians, both to obtain new facts and to confirm those he knew from his memories. In fact, the promise of incoming information was almost seductive enough to wrench his mind away from his encounter with Raine earlier that day - almost.

Raine. He realized his fists had clenched without his realizing it and forced himself to relax. She was too smart for his liking. Genis was intelligent, sure, but certainly not a huge threat to anything Rai was planning - not yet, at least. But his older sister was a whole different matter.

Remembering the way her sharp eyes had seemed to pierce into him still made him prickle with unease. Why did she seem to be able to read him so easily? Not only that, but she had easily outmaneuvered him throughout their conversation. Never had she made a single misstep - it was always Rai who had to laugh and joke to cover up his unease, always Rai who had to direct the conversation away from his weaknesses.

Thinking about it was causing the familiar anger to bubble up again. Rai forcibly quashed it down, ignoring the snide voice snickering at the back of his mind, and directed his mind back to the ranch and his mission. He needed to pull this off perfectly, both to achieve his goal as efficiently as possible and to prove to himself that he was still capable.

That's assuming you can, said the voice. Rai ignored it.

A few minutes later he had snagged a disguise by assaulting an unsuspecting Desian on patrol. Although Rai was only two years older than Genis, he was taller, having already reached about the same height as Lloyd. This meant that despite still being considerably short for a male, it hadn't been too difficult to find a Desian about his height. The clothes were ill-fitting, but not suspiciously so.

He had reluctantly left his usual clothing behind a boulder. He would have to be careful in the Desian uniform; his magic could be weakened. He'd found that it was easier to channel his magic with as much of his upper body exposed as possible. Since he called upon his magic from the mana core in his chest, it was much easier to manipulate and unleash that power without all the layers of cloth in the way.

Now that he came to think of it, though, the difference in power would likely be relatively minimal now. When he had first dabbled in magic, it had made a significant difference, but now that he was more practiced he doubted it would be a problem. Still, he had gotten into the habit of his usual clothes; this uniform felt fairly stifling in comparison.

He was jerked out of his thoughts by a voice and realized that he'd reached the entrance to the ranch. "Returning from patrol?" the Desian asked, sounding friendly. Rai kept his surprise from showing on his face. It was the same man who had escorted Genis back to the village. At least, he thought it was, judging from the voice and what little of his face was visible.

"Do you happen to know what time it is?" he asked, avoiding the question. He faked a yawn and added, "I may have lost track..."

"It's a couple of hours until sunrise," the Desian supplied, then glanced at him curiously. "I haven't seen you before...new recruit?"

"Yeah, I guess you can say that. You've heard of the transfers recently, right?" It was a bit of a shot in the dark, but one he could easily talk his way out of if need be.

The Desian's face brightened. "I have, actually. From the Asgard Ranch, huh? Well, we could certainly need the extra help."

"Yeah, so I heard. Tough time, huh?" Rai made his expression commiserating.

The Desian shook his head. "You have no idea. Lord Forcystus is really cracking down lately." He looked around and lowered his voice slightly. "Ever heard of the Angelus Project?"

Rai tried to hide his interest. "Has something to do with making a stronger exsphere of some sort, am I right?"

"Yeah, that's it. What most don't know is that it was here that the prototype for it was lost. A female host body made away with it, and then, well, there was a huge scandal..." He sounded slightly nervous. "Anyway, it seems like Lord Forcystus got some sort of tip-off about it, because he seems to think somebody in Iselia has it. You know what happens next..."

A tip-off? Was this supposed to happen? Rai pushed away his disquiet and replied, "So the reinforcements are to comb Iselia for the exsphere, then?"

"Yeah, well...if we don't find it, the village probably won't fare well. Of course, we can't destroy it entirely with our current quotas, but..."

"Makes sense." Rai paused. "When do you think we'll be doing the raid, then?" he asked casually. "I'm curious to see Iselia."

"Probably not until next week," the Desian admitted in a low voice, "because we're busy with the...you know."

No, I don't know. "Ah - right, how could I forget," he said lightly. "By the way, may I ask your name?"

"Ah, sorry! Forgot my manners for a moment!" The Desian chuckled and held out his hand. "I'm Alai. You?"

"Yuu," he lied, taking Alai's hand firmly. "Short for Yuusuke. At any rate, sorry to cut you off, but I really should be reporting...ah, and could you tell me where the equipment room is?"

As he walked further into the ranch, footsteps echoing in the near-silence, he saw very few Desians awake. He'd gotten enough information for now, anyway - better find the stock room and hope there would be some key crests there. He hadn't dared ask directly for what he was looking for, lest Alai become suspicious.

To his relief, when he entered the supply room using the card he'd filched from the Desian outside, he found that not only was there no additional security (understandably, since there wasn't much of that much importance) but that there were four or five key crests along with a stock of exspheres tucked into a back corner. He swiped a good number of them into a front pocket and turned to leave, his mind now on what Alai had said earlier. Iselia would be harassed for the sake of finding Lloyd's exsphere - but it couldn't be found, as both Lloyd and the exsphere would be long gone by that time if it was true that the 'raid' wouldn't be until next week. They would be leaving the day after tomorrow, most likely. The Desian had implied that the village might be attacked if the jewel wasn't found...

He frowned in annoyance. He knew that most other people would feel like they had to help, or somehow warn the village, but there wasn't really much he could do short of turning in Lloyd or having him give up the exsphere, both of which were out of the question. Would it really matter that much if he just left Iselia to its fate? Alai had even specifically mentioned that because of the quotas they wouldn't be able to outright destroy the village. Iselia hadn't broken the non-aggression treaty this time, after all. It shouldn't affect the Journey of Regeneration, and since Dirk lived outside of the village he likely wouldn't be affected either - not to mention that he was a dwarf and could probably escape to one of the underground cities if he really needed to. Even if he tried to warn the villagers, they probably wouldn't believe him - and assuming they somehow did, what could they even do against the Desians?

It was in his best interest to do nothing. So why did he feel so uneasy?

Chapter Text

The room was dark and the fear as suffocating as the thick stench of cheap alcohol that permeated the air. Some combination of these factors paralyzed his limbs and it was as if he were wading through blood. Despite the frantic racing of his mind, he...

He let it happen, as he had countless times before.

It was his fault...

No, it wasn't, it wasn't, he couldn't believe that, it couldn't be true...but he could no longer even remember why he had been so intent on believing that...
As the golf club came down hard over his shoulder, something cracked and he barely bit back the involuntary whimper. If he made any noise, the situation would only worsen exponentially. This he knew from painful past experiences.

please
no
stop

But as it always did, the sensations started to dull, like there was a disconnect between him and his body, like the boy being hurt was someone else, not him. He could almost imagine that this wasn't really happening. He no longer processed the monster's cursing and screaming, and nor was he keeping track of the unspeakable, but he was snapped out of his trance by a hard blow to the face that knocked him back several feet. His vision went white and red and the world spun so much that he barely knew which way was up. For a moment he forgot where he was.

"Answer when I talk you, boy!" the man bellowed in heavily accented speech, and it was only then that the boy realized he must have been asked a question. The sudden dread made him sick. He was fairly certain of what the question had been, but he didn't need to guess; the man was now repeating it.

why did you kill your mother
killed her
all your fault
murderer
filth

Words escaped him against his will. A broken sob. "I - I didn - "

The words died in his mouth as he collapsed under the ensuing blow, breathing heavily. No matter how much he just wanted this to, he wanted it to stopstopstop please no -

But he couldn't bring himself to admit something like that, even to himself.

...Especially...to himself...

"Wrong answer!"

"Please tell me the correct answer then, sir," the boy managed weakly. That earned him another blow, but the man answered him.

"You hated her, hated that she loved me more than you, so you murdered her."

murdered her

I'm only ten years old, he wanted to protest. I wasn't even there when she died. But he didn't dare.

Fury like never before filled him. It was a welcome respite from the horrified resignation and self-loathing he usually knew. This was wrong, what this man was doing was wrong, and the boy hated him for it. He wanted the man gone, he wasn't even a man, just an animal, just filth that deserved to die -

The resolution was empowering, different from the helplessness of being beaten and accused. The man turned to leave -

Either I'll die or he will.

the club dropping from his hand -

I don't care if it's both of us

reaching for a bottle of beer on the shelf -

DIE

Screaming, screaming. The boy didn't know who, maybe it was him, in his mind, or out loud, or the man-animal was screaming, or it was just everybody. But the warm red on his hands was real, it was spread all over, and the screaming was gone now, the beast was finally quiet

gone
dead
where he can't feel pain anymore...

The boy realized finally what he had done wrong.

Non-violence - holding back? It was utter bullshit, he thought as he repeatedly drove the end of the club into the beast's skull, that would only get you killed. Killing? Stupid as well, then they couldn't even feel any of the pain they deserved, what was the point? Giving them an out?

What a failure he really was.

The animal was a bloody mess on the floor now. Just a broken corpse, nothing more. The skull bashed in so horribly that its contents were visible.

This was what had been allowed to hurt him.

He had to be better than this. He had to be perfect, figure out the key to get people do what he wanted.

Only then could he put his enemies in the worst thing of all - a living hell.

The necklace lay on the table, finally completed. Lloyd let out a sigh of relief, glancing at the rays of early morning sun filtering through his window. He'd finished it in time for Colette's birthday; now he just had to give it to her, although it was less of an emergency now. After all, he knew for sure he was going along with her on the Journey. Surprisingly, it had been Rai who had convinced the Professor to let him come along. Although the half-elf hadn't mentioned why, Lloyd couldn't help but be grateful; he'd hardly stood a chance at convincing her on his own.

Wrapping the necklace in a clean cloth and tucking it safely into a pocket, he turned and glanced at the younger boy. Although Lloyd had offered the bed, Rai had insisted on sleeping on the floor. He was propped against the wall, but even in sleep his pale face was drawn and his arms crossed, resting in his lap. Lloyd wondered at the fact that he didn't seem cold at all; he'd refused any blankets, and his short black half-top certainly didn't do much to cover his skin.

As he was about to turn away, he paused at the sound of Rai's voice.

"...'s not my fault," the young boy muttered, so quietly that Lloyd almost missed it. He leaned forward, a little concerned. If it was a dream, it didn't sound very pleasant. Rai was quiet for some time, but his expression was troubled; he looked half like he was about to cry and half furious. It was the most emotion Lloyd had ever seen on his face.

Then Rai was screaming, so loudly that Lloyd could feel his own heart speeding in a startled thrum. He reached out to wake the half-elf, hand shaking slightly. Before he could, though, Rai jerked into a sitting position, his hands pressed tightly against his pointed ears.

Then he was fully awake.

Lloyd wasn't sure, but he thought maybe those green eyes were somewhat wet.

The expression was gone in an instant, though, and Rai was staring at him. He looked even blanker than usual, if that was possible. Then he said in a flat voice, "Sorry if I disturbed you. It's not appropriate of me after you were kind enough to lend me a place to sleep."

"Ah - no -" Lloyd held up his hands, half embarrassed to have been listening and half worried about Rai's well-being. "I was awake already, don't worry about it. Are you okay?" What am I supposed to do in this situation...?

"I'm fine. Thank you for asking." Rai got to his feet. "I -"

A blinding flash of light cut him off. Lloyd blinked as the room came back into focus and realized dazedly that it must be time for the Oracle. All thoughts of Rai were swept out of his mind.

Colette. He had to get to Colette and be with her for this! He grabbed his swords and dashed down the stairs.

Rai caught up with him outside, scowling and attempting to flatten his disheveled hair.

As they raced towards Iselia, Lloyd couldn't quite identify what he was feeling. Excitement and nervousness in equal parts, but also an odd sense of foreboding. He quickened his pace, ignoring Rai's annoyed exclamation. Rai was keeping up well; Lloyd hadn't realized how fast he was.

After finding out from the guards at the gate that the Chosen had already departed for the temple, they set off towards the back gate. Genis ran up as they went. "Lloyd, Rai! Are you guys going to the temple? Raine wouldn't let me come!"

Lloyd opened his mouth, but Rai beat him to it, voice sharp. "You might as well come, Genis," he said, "but hurry up. We might miss what's going on."

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Lloyd wondered why Rai was in such a hurry to get to the temple. But then, he had always been one for learning new things; maybe he just wanted to see what went on in the Oracle.

The three boys rushed out of the village, but had only gotten halfway to the temple before Lloyd realized that something was wrong. The definite noise of clashing swords was coming from the temple. His heart quickened with foreboding. As he started to voice as much to the other two, a sharp warning from Genis cut him off and he turned to face the large wolf bearing down on him. Two more wolves were leaping towards Rai and Genis.

As the one facing him snarled and went for his throat, he dispatched it with his sword as quickly as he could and turned to help the other two. He realized then that they were already dead; the Sage siblings must be more capable with magic than he had thought. He had seen neither of them cast for years.

After fending off more monsters, they finally made it to the temple and stared up the steps. Nothing looked amiss so far, but the sound of battle was obvious. "What the hell is going on here?" he wondered aloud. Before either of the others could respond, a priest came into view above. Lloyd raised a hand, about to call out to him, but his breath caught in his throat. Blood stained the pastor's white garb, spreading out from his chest, and as he struggled to make it down the steps, he lost his balance and toppled down. Lloyd rushed forward to help, heart sinking in horror, but wasn't able to get there in time to break his fall. "Pastor! Are you all right?"

Beside him, Genis stared into the man's face with tears in his eyes. "Lloyd, I think he's..."

Rai's voice cut in. "He's dead. There's nothing we can do for him now, but we should go see what's going on up there."

Lloyd felt the familiar stab of indignance at the utter indifference in Rai's voice, but he had to admit he was right. He scrambled to his feet and then, as an afterthought, turned halfheartedly to Genis. "You should stay down here - it's dangerous ..."

Genis was already cutting in, just as Lloyd had expected him to. "I care about Colette and everyone just as much as you, Lloyd! ...Besides, I can take care of myself."

"Don't get cocky," snapped Rai, "but at any rate, it would be foolish for us to split up at this point." He started up the steps. Lloyd opened his mouth angrily, but stopped when Genis caught his arm, shaking his head.

"He means well," he whispered, "and now isn't the time."

They reached the top of the steps, and Lloyd stared. It was worse than he'd thought. There was a full-out battle between what looked to be Desians and the people of the church - and it was obvious the Desians were winning. His knees felt weak with relief when he saw Colette standing in a corner with her grandmother, protected by a line of priests, though her eyes were worried and she looked as if she wanted to jump into the fray herself.

Beside him, Genis gasped in horror. "But - the non-aggression treaty - "

A tall Desian standing nearby turned to look at them. "Where is the Chosen?" he demanded, voice oddly accented.

Lloyd hardly heard him through the roaring in his ears. The noise of battle had faded away in the wake of the furious waves of fury crashing through him. These Desian bastards had not only killed his mother and kidnapped his best friend, but now they were attacking more people he loved - in violation of the treaty?! His whole body shook, and as he snarled and prepared to race into battle, he felt a surge of warmth from the exsphere on his hand. It was a bit idiotic, but he almost felt that somehow, through his mother's memento, her spirit was with him, urging him onward. He imagined that he could hear her warm voice, feel her embrace. Be calm, Lloyd, my son. Do what you have to do.

Emboldened by the warm mana running through his body, he sprang forward. The tall leader leapt out of the way, so Lloyd sliced off the head of the Desian who had been next to him, parrying the blow from his companion and stabbing him through the chest. He barely registered the gasps of the Desians as they realized something had changed; he was running on pure adrenaline and mana, slashing and whirling almost on autopilot, his muscles responding easily from years of training with his father. Genis's faint call reached him and paused, confused, trying to clear the haze from his mind; he glanced around and realized that most of the Desians lay dead and that the leader seemed to have retreated. Of the priests who had been protecting Colette, only two were still standing, firm as ever. Before he could decide how he felt about any of this, he realized that straight ahead of him was an enormous warrior, wielding a vicious-looking ball-and-chain weapon larger than Lloyd's head.

He charged with a roar of fury, even as Rai yelled, "Don't just charge in, you idiot!", and raised his swords at the last moment to guard from a crushing blow. Somewhere behind him, Colette screamed as he was flung almost ten feet, somehow managing to land on his feet. His arms felt numb.

Glancing back at Rai and Genis, he saw that both were casting, but that would take some time yet - wait. Rai had already fired off his spell, faster than Lloyd would have thought possible. Unlike the spells Genis often used, Rai's magic seemed to blast outward straight from his hands as it took shape. He sent a wave of fire toward the giant, and then about five seconds later speared him with a sharp spike of ice alongside Genis's wind spell.

The most astonishing thing was that for the second one, Rai didn't seem to invoke a single incantation.

Lloyd didn't have much time to marvel at this, however. The large Desian, although now bleeding from many places, still seemed unnaturally steady on his feet and was now dealing out more devastating blows. Narrowly dodging what might have been a fatal blow to the head, he slid under another mighty swing, only to be flung back by a third hit. He tumbled over several times and managed to bring himself to his knees, using his swords to support him, and glared up at the Desian, who was now advancing towards him again with a cruel smirk on his face.

At some point Colette must have rushed forward, because she now stood by him, her chakrams clenched in her hands. "Colette, get back!" he yelled, voice rough. "You're the one they're after!"

She fixed him with a worried azure gaze. He felt a pang seeing the usual innocence in her eyes replaced by fear and something else he couldn't quite identify. "But Lloyd, you - "

"I'll be fine, Colette." He looked at her, trying to convey his desperation. "Please. We can't lose you."

She stared only a heartbeat longer before running to join Genis and Rai, who were still furiously casting. The two boys had managed to cast three or four more spells between them, and were now joined by Colette throwing her chakrams with practiced accuracy. Unfortunately, all this served only to slow down the giant, though he did seem to be starting to tire. His breath came in heaving pants and blood poured from his large gashes on his chest and arms, yet he was still grinning maniacally as he staggered closer to Lloyd, swinging his weapon around his head like a whip. Lloyd gritted his teeth and struggled to stand, willing his muscles to respond, but he couldn't seem to regain control of his legs. Damn. This guy is tough.

He didn't want to show his weakness in front of his friends, but he could feel his mana running low, even with the help from his exsphere. Just as he was resigning himself to possible death - hopefully the others would be able to escape - there was a flash of purple in front of him and a loud clang as someone countered the giant's blow. Hardly daring to believe it, Lloyd looked up and saw a tall swordsman fending off the Desian with amazing dexterity.

He realized that the swordsman was now glancing back at him with annoyance in his amber eyes. He took a few paces back and extended his hand, yanking Lloyd to his feet. "Fight," the guy said shortly, after pausing to cast First Aid. Mana flooded back through Lloyd's body. At any other time, this man's arrogant tone would have annoyed him. Now he just nodded in thanks.

His frontal attack distracted the enemy, and the guy in purple used the chance to stab his sword through the giant's gut, moving insanely fast. Lloyd hadn't even been able to follow that with his eyes! Finally, the towering man collapsed, huge quantities of his blood seeping into the ground, and Lloyd knew he was dead.

Panting, he wiped his swords in the grass and looked around, trying to gauge the situation. The Desians all seemed to be either gone or dead, so he turned his gaze toward the newcomer. Phaidra, Colette's grandmother, had now come forward and was addressing the man. "You have my thanks for your help in aiding the Chosen."

She gestured to Colette, who had, along with Genis and Rai, come over to where they were standing. The man turned to look at them, his gaze calculating. "I see. So this girl is the next - " He paused, his eyes falling on Rai, and his gaze turned blank with shock. Lloyd glanced from him to Rai and saw that the half-elf was giving the man a furious glare.

He furrowed his brow for a moment, trying to figure out the odd tension between them, before that was driven out of his mind by something more important. He turned immediately to Colette. "Are you alright?" he muttered to her.

She turned to him, eyes glittering with some unnamed emotion. "Yes. Lloyd - I - thank you..."

The man now turned swiftly to Lloyd. "Your - your name is Lloyd?" He looked more shocked now, but covered it a second later. The expression was fleeting enough that Lloyd probably wouldn't have noticed it if he hadn't already seen the man's odd exchange with Rai. He wondered if there was something going on he didn't know about. Was there something odd about his name? Or had he just imagined the surprise...?

"Yeah. Yours?" he managed on autopilot, realizing he'd paused too long.

"I am Kratos, a mercenary. If you're amenable, I'll accept the job of guarding the Chosen." Kratos turned his head away and faced Phaidra again. Lloyd sneaked another glance at Rai and saw that although his gaze was still fixed on Kratos, it was now blank. The expression Rai had on now reminded Lloyd of how he'd looked earlier that morning, after he'd woken up screaming and seen Lloyd. What was that guy thinking?

He realized that while he'd been lost in thought, Phaidra must have agreed to Kratos, because she was now rasping, "The Chosen must make her way through the trials in the temple to the altar to receive the Oracle. Please accompany her."

Kratos nodded and began to walk toward the entrance, but Colette just gave Lloyd an uneasy glance. He immediately took a few paces forward and addressed Kratos. "Wait. I'm coming too. I want to protect Colette."

The man turned and gave him a condescending look that made his blood boil. "Lloyd, be a good boy and go home. It's far too dangerous for children."
Lloyd opened his mouth to give a scathing retort, but before he could, Rai had stepped forward.

"Kratos, is it? I think you should know that Lloyd, Genis, and I will be coming along on the Journey of Regeneration," he said. Lloyd shivered at how empty the voice was. What was wrong with this guy? "Therefore, we may as well come along for this first trial. I understand that it may seem foolish to allow children to come along, but I assure you there are logical reasons for it. If you'd like to discuss them, you may do so later with Professor Raine, as time is currently running short."

Phaidra looked surprised - whether at Rai's manner or at his news Lloyd wasn't sure - but said nothing. Kratos and Rai simply stared at each other, expressions indecipherable, while everyone else looked on curiously. Lloyd could feel the tension in the air - these two had definitely met before.

Finally, Kratos turned away. "Hmph. As you wish. Just keep in mind that this isn't a field trip."

Chapter Text

"Lloyd." Kratos's voice rumbled through the space, echoing in the main room of the temple. "Are your sword techniques self-taught?"

Rai sighed and found himself tuning out as Lloyd scratched the back of his neck sheepishly and replied in the affirmative. Due to his memories - and their tendency to constantly resurface in his dreams, despite his annoyance - he had many of the events of the simulation memorized, including the sequence with the Martel Temple. It was almost maddening to let the events play out in a way he was already familiar with - the utter boredom of it all - but he knew that he had to. Despite the tedium, it was still infinitely preferable to having events spiral out of control in a way he would be unable to predict. If things were changed, it should be done deliberately and for a purpose. He did wish he could simply change random variables just for the pleasure of seeing how things would change, but he didn't have that luxury; all evidence pointed to his current position not being a mere simulation. It was reasonable to assume he would only get one chance at it.

Still, he had surprised even himself with his flood of emotion earlier. He had known Father would show up, he'd even known the exact moment it would happen - but having it happen in real life was different than experiencing it in a memory where he'd had no emotional ties to someone who was, at the time, only a character.

His feelings had been mixed; confused, angry, betrayed, defensive. Knowing that Father...no, Kratos...had abandoned him with hardly a word as to why wasn't exactly conducive to being overjoyed at his reappearance. Even though he had a vague idea that Kratos had probably done it to protect Rai from the machinations of Cruxis, which he had since figured out was the organization he spent his early life in, he couldn't help feeling (irrationally, he thought in annoyance) that he'd been betrayed and abandoned.

What was more troubling was the reaction - rather, lack of reaction - Kratos had shown to him. He knew the man had recognized him - the shock had been proof enough - but he was obviously determined to ignore Rai, which was infuriating. Fine, maybe Kratos had had logical reasoning for abandoning Rai, but ignoring him when they finally encountered each other again was much less understandable. He had half a mind to reveal everything solely to upset whatever Kratos wanted to happen, but doing that without knowing more would be pretty stupid, not to mention petty and juvenile.

And then when Kratos saw Lloyd, his long-lost son (and supposedly Rai's half-brother, though Rai had yet to fully accept that), of course Rai would take the backseat...all when Lloyd didn't even know who his father was, nor had he spent any time with him. And Lloyd was nothing like Kratos!

Rai gritted his teeth, realizing how jealous and idiotic his own thoughts now sounded. Why should he care about Kratos's feelings toward or relationship with Lloyd? Regardless of whether Kratos was his father too, the fact remained that their tie had been all but severed. So why should it affect him this much? He needed to stop letting stupidly emotional aspects of his thoughts surface. He didn't need a parental figure; in fact, he was better off without one...

" - Rai? Rai!"

Startled, he realized Colette had probably been calling his name for some time; the group was now several paces ahead and was staring back at him. Genis had an odd look on his face, like he was trying to figure something out, and Kratos just looked impassive. Rai berated himself silently. Regardless of how boring things might get, he couldn't afford to continue to let his attention wander like this; it wasn't guaranteed that conversations and situations would go the way they had in his memories, after all. His mere existence had changed a lot of things, if only minimally so far, and furthermore his actions or even the most trivial comments he made could have far-reaching consequences. This much he knew from (he assumed, although the memories were hazy) his studies of time travel in his past life. He had to pay close attention to everything and document even minimal changes if he wanted to successfully manipulate the events or even have some semblance of control over them.

He realized he'd almost drifted off again and cursed under his breath. "Sorry. Carry on, I'm coming."

Lloyd, Colette, and Genis made as if to keep walking, but Kratos fixed him with a stare, one eyebrow raised. "If you wish to come with us, it would hardly be wise to lag behind the group. This temple is hardly free of danger and splitting up would be highly unwise."

White-hot fury flashed through him. Who did Kratos think he was? Does he think he can act like a parent after all this time? This time, he let none of his inner turmoil show on his face. "A valid point, although I fail to see its relevance," he replied a little icily as he rejoined the group, "since I was hardly planning to continue to 'lag behind', as you put it. I think I can be excused for being lost in thought for a moment, considering we obviously have yet to enter the dangerous part of the temple." He knew it had been a long and overly wordy response, but he felt it might be the best way to combat Kratos's equally formal and distant tone. Though maybe he had gone a bit overboard with the sarcastic wording.

Lloyd, for some reason, was staring at him open-mouthed. Rai ignored him. After a moment, Kratos seemed to decide it wasn't worth arguing about, because he simply turned and led the way down the hallway, deeper into the temple.

Still seething for reasons he didn't entirely like, Rai followed.

Presently they came to the magical barrier which blocked the way to the altar. A low buzzing sound could be heard, but it wasn't nearly as loud as Rai would have expected. Colette and Genis gasped and Lloyd exclaimed, "Whoa! That's so cool!" Rai snorted.

Lloyd unsheathed his swords, but Kratos held out a hand in front of him. "Wait. That won't help. The barrier appears to be electric; you'll only hurt yourself."

When Lloyd only looked confused, Rai couldn't help himself from stepping forward in exasperation. "Your sword is made of metal, so it would conduct the electricity if it touched it, idiot. In other words, you'd get electrocuted if you tried to breach the barrier using your swords. Clear enough?"

The confusion on the swordsman's face melted into annoyance. "Shut up," he grumbled. "...I - I knew that, I wasn't going to try that - "

Genis giggled. "Lloyd, you're such an idiot."

"Shut up, Genis!"

Deciding to ignore them, Rai turned so that everyone could see his face. "Since this is a trial, I assume there is some predetermined method by which we are expected to get past this barrier. Our first step, then, should be to explore the temple."

"...I concur," Kratos conceded. Genis was nodding as well.

"Yeah, makes sense."

The group made its way back to the main room, from which two corridors led off to either side. One appeared to be blocked by a landslide of rubble, so naturally they took the other path. It was rather narrow, so they traveled single-file, with Kratos in the lead and Colette behind him, followed by Genis, Rai, and finally Lloyd bringing up the rear in case of an ambush from behind.

Rai was looking forward to their next fight; he wanted to continue experimenting with using his magic in actual combat situations, particularly amidst party members. Using magic on his own was different for a number of reasons. Firstly, when training there was none of the chaos and pressure of a real fight, and secondly, in battle he had to learn to take into account the positions of his comrades to avoid getting them caught in the crossfire. He was trying to perfect firing spells off not only non-verbally but also with as little casting time as possible. It was best to block off everything else and focus only on the sensations of the spell and forming the required mana; however, unfortunately he couldn't afford to block off his surroundings completely in the middle of a battle in case he was targeted by an enemy. Therefore, he needed to find the correct balance, which still allowed him to use spells efficiently but didn't endanger his life.

Once he could achieve this, it would make him quite a formidable force in battle, Rai thought with grim satisfaction. Since he wouldn't need to verbalize his spells, the enemy would have no idea what he was casting until it was already upon them; not only that, but since he didn't need to mutter anything under his breath and kept his eyes open to watch for attacks, there was the potential to display little to no indication that he was casting at all. In the previous fight with Vidarr he had gone ahead and made it obvious, since Lloyd had been constantly glancing back at him, but once he had perfected his technique...

Lloyd's voice cut into his thoughts. "Rai! Above you!" He glanced up swiftly and his blood ran cold. A large spider, at least twice his size, was hurtling down on top of him. Shit shit shit. He had spent most of his time practicing his mental and mana-shaping capabilities, but little to no time on physical dexterity or fighting techniques. Even though his mind raced through several possible moves, he knew his muscles couldn't possibly react fast enough to execute any of them.

God, you're fucking pathetic. The voice rang clearly and loudly through his head, and before Rai even had the time to react with shock, suddenly a searing pain shot through him and he no longer had control of his own body. An alien-yet-not being had surged up from the depths of his mind and taken control of him; a moment later his body rolled to the side as the spider crashed down and the heel of his foot came forcefully down onto its abdomen in a pefectly timed axe kick. An...axe kick...?

He found himself suddenly engulfed in memory, memory of a time in which he had inhabited a different body. He felt himself moving, swiveling into various stances and fluidly executing various kicks, punches, and strikes. The only sound was the rustle of his crisp white uniform and the soft pat of his feet hitting the floor in controlled movement. As he completed the form, he heard a rough, pleased voice from behind him. "Well done, Akira. You were always one of my best students." As he turned to bow to his master, Rai felt a strange longing rip through his heart. It was as if he was being pulled painfully in two, towards a different time and place that no longer existed...

As the scene faded away into blackness, the pain that had seized him followed, ebbing away gradually. Slowly, the real world materialized around him. The first thing he realized was that he was slumped against Kratos, and that the group was all staring at him worriedly. The second was that he was in control of his own body again. He pushed himself up, staggered, and almost fell from the wave of sudden vertigo. Lloyd had made a movement as if to catch him, but Rai waved him away, hand pressed to his temple to combat the sudden onslaught of pain. It was as if his mind were being sawed in two.

As the discomfort subsided, he thought he heard the voice again, this time faint and somewhere buried in the back of his mind. I refuse to accept you as being me, pathetic brat. Don't delude yourself into thinking those memories are yours. You were never Akira - Akira is me.

Who - who are you? He couldn't help being shaken. He had always considered the many voices in his head to be his own, figments of his own imagination, but...this one was...

Akira? That was what the old man had called him in the memory. Rai's eyes widened in sudden realization. No, no...it couldn't be...

He wasn't able to ponder it any longer, though, as the rest of the group was still staring at him, Kratos with more than a little suspicion.

"Are you alright?" This was from Lloyd. For some reason, his worry only annoyed Rai, but he knew he should be grateful; Lloyd had saved him, after all.

"I'm fine," he muttered. "Thanks for warning me about the spider."

"No problem, but..." Lloyd looked uneasy. He wasn't the only one.

"What happened back there, Rai?" Genis murmured, expression tight. "You froze, but then you used some kind of move I've never seen. I had no idea you'd ever trained in any kind of physical combat. And then you just collapsed..."

Rai decided some measure of honesty would be best here. "I don't really know," he admitted. "I just reacted on automatic, and then for some reason became dizzy."

Kratos was eying him even more suspiciously now. "That was an advanced move," he said. "One that is characteristic of a certain martial art style taught only at a secret location. A master of the art must have taught it to you..."

Damn. He should have realized Kratos would pick up on something like that. After a pause during which he considered several replies, he settled for, "Is this really relevant? Also, I fail to see how my fighting style is any of your business."

Kratos snorted. "I can think of several reasons why it should be my business," he said in an annoyingly superior tone, "but let's drop the subject for now. We need to proceed, or this will take all day." Without waiting for a reply, he continued down the passageway toward the staircase now visible at the end of it.

As the rest of them followed, entering the wider area leading to the staircase, Genis and Lloyd muttered behind Rai.

"What is up with those two? You've noticed something weird too, right? You're close to Rai, you must have some idea..." It was Lloyd. Genis replied equally quietly.

"Look, he's really secretive, okay? He almost never discusses his thoughts, and I've never gotten him to talk about the time before he came to live with us. I don't really remember, but Raine said that when she first found him he said something about having been part of some top-secret organization. Maybe he knows Kratos from that time, and that's why they're pretending not to know each other?"

There was a silence. Rai felt a chill at how close to the mark his brother was. He hadn't known Raine had told Genis of his childish comments about Cruxis.

Then, "Yeah, that might be it. I'm kind of worried about him, though." There was another pause, and Rai itched to turn and see what they were doing.

Finally Lloyd said, even more quietly, "...Let's talk about this later."

Had they realized Rai might be able to hear them?

"Are you okay?" He started slightly and turned to look at Colette, who was looking at him with concern as they reached the bottom of the steps.

"I'm fine, thanks. Just...a bit tired from everything that's happened today, I suppose," he invented. She seemed unconvinced, but didn't press the subject. It occurred to him that she had been unusually quiet ever since they had entered the temple, but he pushed the thought away. He probably shouldn't meddle in the others' personal problems and risk screwing up the events even more.

As they walked forward onto a large platform suspended in the middle of the room, Rai noticed the square-shaped holes in the ground and remembered that they were supposed to push blocks through them to create a path down below. On a dais some distance away lay the Sorcerer's Ring. It was barely visible, being tiny in size, but the light emanating from it made its location easy to pinpoint.

"Ooh, look, what's that?" Lloyd was staring at the ring excitedly. Genis and Colette looked interested as well.

"It's impossible to tell from here," Kratos said, and Rai knew he was lying - how could he not be able to tell, with his angelic vision? "We should find a way to get closer," Kratos continued.

Rai stepped forward, closer to one of the square holes, and peered below. Despite himself, he was intrigued. Although he had seen all of this in the simulation, it was quite a bit different seeing it in real life.

You're such a fucking idiot. Rai stiffened, realizing the voice had returned. He had previously passed it off as just one of many, but he realized now that it was a great deal more intrusive than his other voices; they were constantly speaking, but he was usually able to tune them out until he needed their input.

What do you mean? he ventured, deciding to ignore the foul language for now.

Stop calling it a simulation. It's a game, dammit, a fucking game...

Rai felt his eyes widen and had to consciously force his expression back to some semblance of normalcy.

A...a game? What do you...

You'll probably remember soon enough, since you're getting access to more and more of my memories as time goes on. Seems like the speed is increasing exponentially, too... But I guess I'll just tell you. That "simulation" you keep referencing was actually just a game back on my home planet. It was called Tales of Symphonia, and as the player, I took control of the main character, Lloyd. Oh, and by the way, I didn't play that game until I was sixteen. You're wrong about that age thing.

Wait. You keep referring to yourself as a separate person. Are you saying those aren't my memories...?

The voice seemed to sigh, if that was even possible for an imaginary presence inside his head. God, you're really clueless, aren't you? I keep forgetting...well, I guess you could consider yourself to be me - that is, we have the same soul, in a way. And, other than the fact that you're a half-elf and that your phenotype is quite different than mine, the majority of our genes are the same as well. But when I died, it seems that my soul was...cloned, I guess, and given a new, infant body. That cloned soul is you. I, the original soul, got brought along for the ride, since my original body was dead. That is, we were reborn.

But...but why?

After I died, I had this weird experience - He paused. Hey, pay attention! We'll talk about this later.

Startled, Rai saw that they were now facing a behemoth of stone. Right, he remembered this from the simulation - no, game - they were supposed to defeat this monster, thus turning it into a block which they could then push down below. Lloyd and Kratos were already rushing forward to attack, but their swords only glanced uselessly off the hard body of the enemy. I should have thought of this. Of course it wouldn't work as smoothly as it did in the game. He glanced at Genis, who was studying the monster through narrowed eyes.

"Genis - let's freeze it. Maybe they can shatter it then."

His brother glanced at him in surprise, then nodded and began casting Icicle. Rai turned back to the monster and grasped his mana, feeling it turn cold and rigid, and after gathering enough, thrust it into the air so that it came plummeting down on top of the monster. A few seconds later Genis had cast his spell; he sent his mana low to the ground, so that ice spiked upward from beneath. Both spells encased the monster, one covering its head and torso and the other its legs, but it wasn't totally frozen, just hindered in his movements.

They ice spell after ice spell while Lloyd and Kratos pounded away and Colette stood around helplessly. Eventually Kratos used a mana-enhanced smashing attack with the flat of his blade, aiming for the frozen torso, and at long last the monster had crumbled into large pieces of stone. The group stood there, panting, hardly even able to relish their victory. Fighting a gargoyle certainly took a lot out of you; he could feel the definite drain in his mana just from this single fight.

Don't tell me we have to fight more of these...

Abandoning all decorum, Rai slapped his hand to his forehead and groaned loudly, ignoring the odd looks from the rest of the group.

As Colette stared up at the angel, she felt none of the expected reverence. She registered Genis's question behind her - is he Colette's real father?

There was no way that could be...No parent would send their daughter on a dangerous journey at the end of which lay only death.

...No, but that was exactly what her father back in the village, Frank, had done...

There was a choking feeling at the back of her throat. Somehow she swallowed it down and forced herself to continue looking up at the angel with a respectful expression. He was now speaking, cold gaze fixed on her in a way that made her legs turn to jelly.

"I am Remiel. I am an angel of judgement. I am here to guide Colette, daughter of the mana lineage, on her journey to heaven as the seventh Chosen."

...Journey to heaven. In other words, the end of her life. It was so obvious she felt like laughing hysterically. Did the others really not think the wording was a bit weird? She found herself hoping Lloyd hadn't picked up on it. But no...he never would. He would be too busy gawking at the angel's wings, she thought with a burst of fondness.

"The time has come," Remiel continued, "to awaken the Goddess Martel who sleeps at the center of the world."

He handed the Cruxis Crystal to Colette, and she accepted shakily, trying to hide her apprehension. As she'd been instructed, she lifted the gem and pressed it to her chest, just below the collarbone, and couldn't hold back the pained gasp that escaped her lips as it burned hotly into her flesh. Within seconds the sensation had ebbed from being almost unbearable to a dull pain. As her other senses returned to her, she realized Remiel was speaking again.

"...hereby bestow the Tower of Salvation upon Sylvarant."

She found that even as her friends gasped and talked excitedly, she couldn't bring herself to join them. Colette knew she should be happy on such a blessed day. She had received the Oracle, and had been accepted as Chosen, ready to start the regeneration of the world. But her limbs were heavy, and amongst all her worries, one thought took center stage. Could this man with the cold gaze and formal speech, who was entrusted with guiding her to her death, really be her father?

She wasn't sure which would be worse: his pretending to be her father, or his actually being her father and still sending her to die.

Her hand tightened around the gem at her neck. She noticed the wetness on her cheeks only when a tear made its way down to her chin. Hurriedly, she wiped away the evidence of her weakness and willed herself to become the Chosen again; the perfect, selfless, kind girl everyone wanted.
Even as the mask formed and happiness lit up her face, she knew with a dreading certainty that the sad girl, the puppet, the coward, still existed somewhere within.

Chapter Text

"I accepted the job of guarding the Chosen, but I must ask - what is this I hear about children coming along?" Kratos fixed Raine with a narrow-eyed glance, arms crossed in front of his chest.

Genis jerked in surprise, then glanced at Raine too, curious about what she would say. He'd almost forgotten about what Rai had said earlier at the temple; he'd had no idea that there was any talk of them coming along. Lloyd hadn't seemed surprised, so obviously he'd been the only one in the dark. His fists clenched and he briefly thought back to that time at the temple.

The recollection reminded him of something else he had found strange at the time; the Desians they had fought had been different in appearance than the ones at the Iselia ranch. The details of their uniforms had been subtly different, something he probably wouldn't have noticed had he not been captured by Desians earlier. As he'd learned from spending time around Rai, even the smallest discrepancies are usually important. He couldn't help but wonder why nobody else seemed to have noticed this, instead immediately assuming that these were Desians from the Iselia ranch and were therefore breaking the treaty. He found it especially hard to believe that Rai hadn't noticed - it was more likely he had, but for some reason hadn't mentioned it. He had been acting pretty odd after that...

He looked up, pausing in his musings when he realized that his sister hadn't given a response yet.

Raine paused for some more time before answering, her gaze flitting uncharacteristically around the room where they were all gathered. It was the first floor of Colette's house, and everyone from the temple was present except for Lloyd and Rai, since they'd been banished from the village. Kratos was leaning against the far wall, and Raine sat next to Phaidra and Frank. Colette occupied her other side, looking unusually downcast. A fire crackled near where Genis sat on the floor, and the silence felt charged.

"The situation is complicated," Raine said finally. "Lloyd and Rai have been banished from the village, and it would be dangerous for them with both the hate from the villagers and a Desian ranch close by. Not only that, but knowing Lloyd, he would probably try to follow us anyway, and I'd rather he be with us rather than trying to travel through dangerous territory alone."

To Genis's surprise, Colette spoke up, her eyes troubled. "But...if Lloyd stays with Dirk..."

Genis couldn't help but interject. "Colette, don't you want Lloyd to come along?"

She glanced at him, startled, then lowered her gaze, fisting her hands in the white cloth of her dress and biting her lip. Genis made a note to ask her later what was bothering her.

Kratos narrowed his eyes, and addressed Raine again. "What about your brother? It doesn't seem as if he's banished."

Genis gritted his teeth and stared at the floor. Kratos was right; he had no excuse to go along with them. Still, it rubbed him the wrong way how the man was talking about him like he wasn't even in the room.

"Genis has had some controversial accusations leveled at him, and has recently been involved in events regarding the Desian ranch which the villagers would rather forget," Raine murmured. "I don't feel safe leaving him alone in a suspicious, hostile village without even his friends by his side." Genis glanced up at his sister in surprise. He had expected her to argue for him to stay safely in the village...

Kratos looked unhappy, but grunted and turned his head to the side in concession. "That's your choice, I suppose. As long as the children don't get in the way of our objective..."

Raine glanced away from Kratos as well and addressed the room at large. "We have other things to discuss. Specifically, Colette, about your - "

She stopped in surprise as Colette suddenly stood up urgently. "Wait!" The blonde Chosen turned to Genis, who looked at her quizzically. Raine followed her gaze and seemed to come to some sort of understanding.

"Genis...I'm sorry, but could you leave us? There are some things..."

He felt a surge of annoyance. "Oh, right, the unavoidable important information that's too serious for a baby like me to hear. I completely forgot about it, sorry. I'll get out right away so you guys can get on with discussing adult matters." Even as he said it, he knew he sounded incredibly childish, but that did nothing to abate his anger.

Raine looked both shocked and resigned, but Genis didn't give her or anyone else a chance to respond as he stormed out of the house.

"I wonder what they're talking about?" Lloyd sighed for the sixth time. "I'm so - "

Rai opened his eyes and fixed him with a ferocious glare before he could finish his sentence. "Yes, Lloyd, you're bored. I know. I heard you the last five times."

"How can you stand this, anyway?" Lloyd bit out, pacing back and forth and fingering his sword hilts. "Just being out here while the rest of them talk about the Journey?"

"You do know that if you hadn't insisted on getting yourself exiled you'd be over there with them?" That had come out a bit more derisively than he had intended...

Lloyd's eyes flashed angrily and he suddenly whirled around and punched the tree, narrowly missing Rai's head. "Okay, I'm tired of this. If you've got a problem with me, just come out and say it!" Somehow, Rai found himself backed against the tree trunk. They were practically nose to nose now, but Rai wasn't going to be the one to back down, startled as he was at the sudden intensity. He resisted the urge to avert his gaze.

"I'm not sure what you mean," he said slowly, trying to buy time with which to gauge the situation.

"Oh, you know exactly what I mean," Lloyd snarled. Rai half-expected to be grabbed by the collar and punched into oblivion at this rate. "But fine, I'll tell you anyway. I've been nothing but nice to you and you're just always making jabs at me! If I'm doing something you don't like, just say so!"

"I -" Rai, for once, wasn't sure what to say. Why was he always so annoyed around Lloyd? No, he knew why - it was because of his stupid emotional side, the side that rejected Lloyd as his half-brother, sharing the same father, and the side that resented how everyone always seemed to be on Lloyd's side even though Lloyd never made any sense. But he could hardly voice any of that. It would make him seem petty. Maybe because you are, murmured a voice sadly in his mind. Rai ignored it, realizing that Lloyd was already continuing.

"And back at the village, I was defending you! Although you don't seem to appreciate it - "

At this, Rai couldn't keep quiet. "Look, I get that your intentions were noble and everything, but that was definitely an idiotic move. It didn't achieve anything; those villagers were never going to listen. If you'd just kept quiet only one of us would be exiled instead of two - "

"I'm not a fucking machine!" Lloyd snapped, so angrily that Rai was shocked into silence. This outburst seemed ridiculously out of character for Lloyd, even taking into consideration all the events of the game. He had no idea how to react, having never predicted this kind of situation. Maybe Lloyd had a point. Not everyone could be expected to act logically, but that didn't mean he should be happy about that...ugh, what did Lloyd want from him?

He could feel smugness emanating from the emotional corner of his mind, where that nagging voice resided. Elsewhere, Akira was snickering.

Aww, are you getting all flustered, Rai? Are things getting a bit out of hand?

W-what? Despite himself, he felt blood rush to his cheeks and willed himself to regain control. Shut up. Maybe he should just be honest; he'd already been silent for too long. "You're right," he said finally, in a strangled sort of voice. "Sorry. There are actually some reasons I don't get along well with you, but it's not something I can tell you..." He felt sick. He couldn't remember the last time he'd really apologized to anyone, and it wasn't a good feeling.

Lloyd was looking a bit calmer now, and slightly uncomfortable as he seemed to realize how out of control he'd been. He still looked irritated, but he leaned back, putting some distance between them, and let his hands drop. Rai let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

"So you're saying you hate me, but you can't say why." There was a hint of hurt in his voice now alongside the anger, and despite himself Rai felt like a bit of a jerk. He supposed it wasn't really Lloyd's fault that Kratos was his father, or that he was such an insufferable idiot whose every action went against Rai's philosophy of life...At the same time, he knew that most of this thinking was coming from that corner of his mind he was starting to call W. W for weak - emotional.

"I don't hate you," he protested weakly. "Look, I - ... I'll try to be more civil from now on, okay?"

Lloyd sighed, the anger seeming to drain out of him. Now he just looked tired. He raised a hand to his hair and slumped against the tree next to Rai. "I guess that's all I can ask for. ...I'm sorry too, for lashing out at you like that..."

Rai felt a rush of relief that the moment was over. He was never comfortable in situations involving too many emotions. He searched for something to say in response, but another voice interrupted him.

"Were you guys fighting?" It was Genis, glancing between the two of them suspiciously as he walked over. Lloyd said nothing, so after a pause, Rai answered for him.

"...Not really. More importantly, what happened at the meeting?" Unsurprisingly, Genis's face twisted into a bitter expression.

"How would I know? I'm just a kid. I got sent away so they could discuss important, adult stuff not meant for my ears."

Rai sighed inwardly. He should have known Genis would have taken this harder than he did in the game, since this time he hadn't had Lloyd sent outside with him. "Did Raine tell them about us going on the Journey, though?" he prompted.

To his surprise, Geins's expression darkened even further. "Was it your idea, Rai? She did tell them, but it was news to me. You did say something about it outside the Martel Temple. Why did neither of you guys tell me about this?"

Great. He'd bet everything on Lloyd telling Genis, but it was starting to seem like he knew a lot less about Lloyd that he'd thought. "Genis, I'm sorry - since I was banished, I didn't get much of a chance to talk to you. I was the one who convinced Raine to let you come along as well."

Genis still looked unhappy, and he shot an irritated glance at Lloyd, but his blue eyes had softened slightly. "Fine, I guess..."

Something occurred to Rai. "Wait, Genis, I had something I wanted to give you..." He reached into his back pocket and pulled out one of the exspheres he had obtained from the ranch, complete with the key crest he had gotten fixed with Lloyd's help. He held it out to Genis, but instead of taking it, the young half-elf looked startled and then looked away, eyes shadowed.

"Actually, I already have one..." He pulled out a round exsphere, equipped with a key crest. Rai stared at him. How had Genis gotten both an exsphere and a key crest? He glanced at Lloyd just in time to see the swordsman give Genis a knowing look and his stomach clenched. Obviously, Lloyd knew the details, but it seemed Genis had failed to share some important information with Rai.

After a heavy silence during which Genis avoided his gaze, Rai said slowly, "Genis, can we talk? Lloyd, if you'd leave us alone for a bit?"

Lloyd looked at Genis. The younger half-elf nodded reluctantly, so the swordsman inclined his head and walked off in the direction of Dirk's house.

Rai placed his hands on Genis's shoulders firmly. "Genis, look at me." He tried to keep his voice soft, but to his dismay he saw when his brother finally turned to meet his gaze that his eyes were filled with tears.

"G-genis - " he stammered, but the younger boy only burst out sobbing. Rai's hands left Genis's shoulders and fell limply to his sides. Great. More damn emotions. Now what was he supposed to do? He refused to consult W for this.

Hug him.

W-what?!

Akira sounded impatient now. Look, I get that you aren't good with emotions. Neither was I, but I learned a few things while I was alive. Trust me on this. Your brother is crying, so you're supposed to comfort him.

Damn. Here goes nothing, I suppose. Awkwardly, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Genis's shoulders, pulling the other against him. His brother was significantly shorter, so this meant that his face was now buried in Rai's chest. Rai could feel his shirt becoming damp with tears as Genis hugged him back, still sobbing. He felt a flash of annoyance; how could he be expected to help if he had no idea what was going on? He had never understood why other people felt like crying about their problems was a good idea. It was ridiculously unproductive. They don't do it to be productive, they just feel helpless, W whispered sadly. Just like that time back then, when you -

Don't you say another word, he snarled, and at the same time Akira started warningly, Don't - but broke off as W retreated back to its corner with a resigned air. Rai wondered what Akira had been about to say, but his past self didn't offer any clues.

W has a point, you know, Akira said after a pause. Although I agree that it's pointless, you have to get that people aren't perfect. Sometimes they're going to take inefficient steps. He paused, and somehow Rai could imagine him smirking. ...By the way, don't you find it weird that you've got a voice in your head that you've named W? Or is that just me...?

You're a damn voice in my head, too, Rai shot back. He could tell Akira was going to continue, so he decided to beat him to the punch. Shut up.

He realized he was still hugging Genis and that Genis was still crying. How long was this supposed to go on? He awkwardly patted him on the back, trying to get him to stop. Eventually the sobs quieted down and Genis pulled away slightly, sniffing and trying to rub the tears away. "I'm sorry. I know you don't like this sort of thing..."

"It's fine, don't worry. Just don't start crying again," Rai warned. "Now will you tell me what's wrong? It should help." Probably. And why has he told Lloyd about it but not me?

"I - I killed Marble..."

"Wh-what?"

He listened in shock as Genis blurted about his experience in the ranch and how Marble had supposedly been killed because of him. Inwardly, Rai sighed. This wasn't something someone as young and pure as Genis should have to experience. He wasn't sure why he felt so much older and more jaded than his brother, considering he was only two years older, but it was like something set him apart from this innocent child. He half-expected Akira to make a comment about his just being a brat too, but his past self was uncharacteristically silent. In fact, Rai thought he could feel something like apprehension from Akira, but he pushed the thought away in favor of the more pressing situation.

His first instinct was that it was indeed Genis's fault, or at least partially, because he really shouldn't have barged off to the ranch like that, but even Rai knew that it definitely wouldn't be a good idea to say so. Instead he said, hoping he sounded soothing, "Genis, it isn't your fault. Blame the Desians."

Genis's gaze snapped up to meet his so quickly that Rai almost stepped back. His brother's blue eyes were filled with frustration, and tears were beginning to leak out again. "That's exactly the problem," Genis said, voice trembling. "The...the Desians aren't all bad people. They just hate humans, but I can understand why because sometimes I - " He cut himself off with a choking sound and pressed both hands to his mouth as if he'd said something he hadn't meant to, more tears running down his cheeks.

Instantly Rai realized what the problem was. He berated himself for not having thought of it sooner, but he hadn't expected for Genis's thought process to have matured this much. "Genis, it's okay. I agree with you," he said quickly. His brother looked up at him in shock.

"B-but," he choked. Rai shushed him, putting a finger to his lips.

"Hear me out. I'm glad that you've made this realization. You're right, Genis. The Desians aren't all totally bad. Nothing is black and white, even though people tend to paint things that way for convenience. Humans hate all half-elves because of the actions of a few; the Desians do exactly the same thing. That doesn't make all of them bad - not individually." He paused, trying to gauge Genis's response, then continued, "I know what you were trying to say - sometimes you kind of agree that humans are kind of hateable, right?"

At Genis's guilt-stricken expression, he knew he'd hit the nail on the head. Rai sighed. "I'm the same way, okay. It's normal, damn it. As long as you know that not all humans are necessarily scum just because some are, you're fine. I'll slap the idiocy out of you if you seem to be slipping too far, okay?"

That pulled a halfhearted laugh out of his brother. Emboldened, he continued, "At any rate, even though you can't blame individual Desians, as long as you believe Marble's death was wrong you have to admit that at least the system of the Desians is flawed. You can blame the system - the system and those at the top of it. If you want to avenge Marble, focus on changing that system - and whatever portion of the blame you might share, just make sure you learn from it so you don't make the same mistakes again." Wow, that was surprisingly idealistic. Am I turning into Lloyd now? Well, whatever it takes to make him feel better, I suppose... Genis seemed to be listening intently, so he added, "Actually, on the topic of blame, I share some of it myself. If I hadn't been so harsh with you, you wouldn't have run off to the ranch in the first place."

"What? No, it's not your fault!"

Rai smirked a little. "That's exactly how you sound to me when you try to blame yourself. Do you get how ridiculous it is now?"

Genis blushed a little, but he was smiling. "I...thanks, Rai." Unexpectedly, he threw his arms around Rai again. "Sorry for making such a fuss," he mumbled into the cloth of his shirt.

Despite being slightly uncomfortable at the close proximity, Rai smiled as the first drops of rain began to fall.

Chapter Text

Raine stared suspiciously at Genis and Rai. They had both come in late, dripping from the rain, and Lloyd had insisted that the group wait for them but had refused to mention why. Genis did look more upbeat than he had for the past few days though, which was a good thing. Maybe Rai had somehow managed to cheer him up. Come to think of it, she had never gotten a chance to sit down with Genis and discuss what, specifically, was bothering him…

Kratos cleared his throat. "Now that we're all here," he said in a slightly irritated tone, "we should clear up some things about the journey. We'll be heading out on it tomorrow morning, so there are a few things to discuss."

Still lost in thought, Raine let him talk about the route they'd be taking and warn the children about mature conduct during the trip. After a few moments she saw that everyone was staring at her and she realized someone must have addressed her. "Sorry, I was momentarily distracted," she admitted, looking around the gathering and trying to figure out where they'd left off.

"I asked if you had anything to add," Kratos said after a pause, looking like he was trying to decide whether to be amused or irritated. She searched her mind.

"Ah, yes. For anyone who doesn't know, Rai managed to obtain some exspheres from the Desian ranch for our use, and with the help of Lloyd and Dirk, we also procured the necessary key crests, which are necessary to use the exspheres without side effects. They should help enhance the abilities of those of us who don't already use one."

She noticed Kratos give Rai an unreadable look when she mentioned the Desian ranch. Rai didn't return it.

"At any rate, anyone who requires an exsphere can procure it from Rai," she continued. "Genis, Colette...?"

Colette spoke up for the first time. "I have my Cruxis crystal, Professor," she said softly.

Raine glanced at Genis and was shocked to see him look to his hand, where there was already a perfectly rounded Exsphere attached to his flesh. When...?

Before she could ask, Genis stood up, a determined look in his eyes. "Before we continue, I think there's something I should tell everyone."

Raine didn't miss the looks Rai and Lloyd shot at her brother. Obviously, they had some idea of what Genis was talking about.

"I want to tell you the details of my imprisonment in the ranch," Genis admitted. 

As he continued, Raine could feel a fierce stabbing in her chest. Genis had been shouldering all this guilt, but she had been so preoccupied with her own issues that she hadn't even set aside the time to ask about it? 

He concluded his story, ending by explaining that the exsphere he held was the one that had been held by Marble, and Raine stood. "Genis...why didn't you tell me?" she whispered.

Genis looked pained. "I'm sorry, Raine!" he burst out. "I was scared - I knew you were already mad that I went to the ranch..."

Raine took a deep breath, trying to control her emotions. "Young man, if you ever hide something like this from me again..." She paused, looking at his downcast face, and said instead, "I'm sorry too. I should have asked you what was wrong."

He looked up at her in surprise, but said nothing. Dirk cleared his throat, speaking for the first time since they'd arrived at his house. " 'S long as we're on the subject of exspheres, I 'ave something to say," he said in his gruff voice. He turned to Lloyd before he continued, explaining the story of how he had been found and why his exsphere was important. 

Raine knew that Lloyd was already aware of bits and pieces of it, such as the fact that his exsphere had belonged to his mother and that the Desians had been involved in her death, but to her knowledge this was the first time Dirk was sharing the whole story. She closed her eyes, unwilling to watch Lloyd's expression as Dirk outlined how he had found Lloyd, his voice rough.

As Dirk finished his explanation, she opened her eyes and her gaze fell on Kratos. To her surprise, his gaze was clouded and he looked...sad? Regretful? He was staring at Lloyd, who in turn was staring at Dirk with tears in his eyes, one hand covering the exsphere on the other. "T-that time," Lloyd choked as if in startled realization, "it really was Mom..."

Raine wasn't sure what he meant, and she doubted anyone else did either, but nobody said a word. Beside Lloyd, Genis placed a hand on his shoulder, looking helpless to comfort his best friend, and Colette was almost in tears. Rai, on the other hand, was staring out the window at the rain with an annoyed expression on his face. Despite having expected this from him, Raine felt a stab of anger. She was fairly certain Rai hadn't known about this before; how could he be completely unaffected? It was this sort of thing that kept her on edge around him.

She pushed the thought away and remembered something of interest from Genis's story. "I forgot to mention something - everyone, be careful with how you use your exspheres. They're dangerous without key crests - what Genis described as happening to Marble can be the result." She studied their faces and noticed another flash of something in Kratos's expression. She couldn't figure him out, and that bothered her; she decided she didn't trust him.

Surprisingly, it was Lloyd who spoke next. He'd seemingly gotten control over his emotions, because the tears were gone and he looked like he was trying to figure something out. "Why do the Desians put the exspheres on humans in the first place, then?" he asked, brow furrowed. "Why not just use them for something, if they're so powerful?"

Raine was impressed that he'd thought of this; it was the same thing she'd been puzzling over herself. It seemed out of character for Lloyd, though; she would have expected him to say that it didn't matter why the Desians did what they did, that they were evil bastards anyway. "Maybe they're doing some kind of experimentation?" she mused aloud. She felt a gaze burning into her and turned her head to look at Rai. He was staring at her with an odd expression on his face. "What do you think?" she asked him.

"I agree," he said, without missing a beat. He seemed to struggle with himself for a moment before finally continuing, "After all, it doesn't seem like they use the humans at the ranch for anything productive. They just seem to have them push heavy blocks around in a circle and complete other meaningless tasks. One can only conclude it's experimentation, and that it has something to do with the exspheres." He looked like he was holding back from saying more, but Raine didn't press him. She knew the feeling of not wanting to share her conclusions until she was sure about them.

Kratos's voice cut into the silence. "We should get back on topic," he said. "Everyone, pack light. One change of clothes should suffice, but make sure to pack enough food for at least ten days, and ration it carefully. Pack things that won't spoil easily, and we can use magic to slow the process further. Be especially careful with the water, and we must refill whenever we can. Our first destination is the Fire Seal. There are some waypoints in between, so we shouldn't have to journey for more than three or four days at a time, but we don't want to run the risk of running out of food or water."

As he continued, Raine glanced back at Rai, who was staring out of the window again. He hadn't made eye contact with Kratos the whole time, and seemed to look annoyed every time the man spoke. She sighed. There were so many variables she didn't understand, and it seemed like almost everyone was now acting in ways she didn't expect. Even Colette was oddly quiet, she realized; the girl was sitting in the corner staring at her hands. She resolved to ask about it later, but there was a sense of foreboding in her heart. She had a feeling this journey would be a great deal more difficult than it should be.

Rai stared down the path leading to Anna's grave, feeling like there were ten pounds of lead in his stomach. After the meeting in Dirk's house, everyone had split up; Lloyd was in his room talking to Colette, Raine was deep in conversation with Genis…

And Kratos, for the last half hour, had been standing in front of his dead wife's grave.

Make up your mind already, said Akira's voice in his head, sounding surprisingly tense. Maybe Rai's unease was rubbing off on him.

Finally he stood up and walked down the path, feeling his legs get heavier with every step. He had to confront Kratos, but there was some part of him that wanted nothing more than to run away and pretend that they had nothing to do with each other.

After what seemed like at least ten minutes for what should have been a thirty second walk, he found himself standing next to Kratos in front of the gravestone. It was a rich marble slab, with letters engraved on it spelling out only the first name - Anna - and the date of death. He supposed Dirk hadn't known any other information about her. They stood there in silence for a time, until eventually Kratos turned to glance at him. Rai looked back silently, waiting for the swordsman to say something, but Kratos remained silent.

"Father," Rai said finally, his tone icy. He wasn't sure what to feel, and he found himself grasping for his rational self, the one that took in everything like a machine and spat out the correct actions. He felt the change as all the uncertainty flooded out of him and he was left with only an empty calm.

Kratos's expression flickered with a mix of what could have been surprise and guilt. "So you...remember me," he said flatly, averting his eyes.

At this, Rai found himself slipping. He was unable to hold on to his calm state, and he felt some of W's emotions spilling out with an overwhelming intensity. Akira seemed to fade away into the background in the wake of the waves of fury. "How dare you," he spat, taking a few steps forward until his face was only inches away from Kratos's. "You abandoned me, and now that you're finally back all you can be concerned with is your other son, Lloyd. You can't even spare a mere apology for me. And you dare to suggest that I would have forgotten who you are?!" He was breathing heavily, and only when he saw the sheer shock on Kratos's now open expression did he realize what he'd just let slip. How was he going to explain that he knew Lloyd was Kratos's son?

"How did you know...?" Kratos's eyes were wide, and there was a slight tremor in his voice. In any other situation Rai would have relished how taken aback the usually inscrutable swordsman was, but he couldn't bring himself to enjoy it. He averted his eyes. Damn it...how am I going to explain this...? For once, his mind was almost completely blank, except for a strong current of self-loathing; he had let the weakness of his emotions take over during a critical moment. He couldn't believe he'd fallen so far - since when had he been so incapable of controlling it?

"No, never mind that," Kratos said suddenly, sounding pained, and Rai looked back at him in surprise. "There's something I must tell you about that. But..no, first...the fact that you remember me...no that's possible, but...how much do you remember of...?" He was rambling, looking utterly lost. Who was this, and what had he done with Kratos?

Slowly, as Rai's mind began working again, he started to put the pieces together. Kratos had expected him to have forgotten his face, and presumably about Cruxis as well. It was true that he didn't remember much of that time; it was mostly a blur, except for the last week or so. He had found that slightly suspicious in the past, considering that he had an excellent memory, but chalked it up to his having been young. But now…

"I know you're from Cruxis, and I remember growing up there," Rai bluffed. "I haven't forgotten anything. Did you try to tamper with my memory?"

Kratos seemed to crumble; it was as if he had aged twenty years just standing there. "Rai...so it didn't work, you remember it all after all...I'm so sorry - I couldn't protect you..." He staggered forward and crushed Rai to his chest in a hug. Rai was too stunned to move as Kratos continued to speak softly. "Blame me...you have the right to be angry at me, Rai...I'm sorry..."

Wh-what the fuck is going on? A-akira? Do you have any idea what he's talking about? What am I supposed to have remembered? There was a definitely a lot more going on here than he had originally thought. Akira was silent. 

Finally the soft reply came. Rai...don't ask. Don't remember. You're better off not knowing.

I - what - Rai felt completely frozen, his mind running in an endless loop and his whole body shaking with panic. There were too many conflicting trains of thought in his mind, and since this situation made no logical sense with the information he had, there was no logical step to take. Calm down, Rai, calm down, calm down, he told himself firmly, closing his eyes and trying to stop the shaking. Where was this panic coming from? How could something he didn't even remember affect him this badly? Thankfully, with the way Kratos was hugging him and rubbing his back, he couldn't see Rai's face. He wondered what Kratos thought, why he thought Rai needed to be comforted, but pushed the thought away - first things first, he needed to figure out what to do in this situation. He could think about the rest later.

Okay so...think dammit...Kratos had presumably tampered with his memory to prevent him from remembering Cruxis, and also probably something specific. For whatever reason, it hadn't worked the way it was supposed to and Rai still remembered some things, such as who Kratos was and the fact that he had lived in Cruxis, but obviously he still couldn't remember whatever it was Kratos had been trying to hide from him. But Kratos now thought he did remember whatever it was. And judging by the way he was reacting, that memory had probably been traumatic, something that Kratos had wanted to protect Rai from - and maybe it even had something to do with Kratos abandoning him...?

Suddenly Rai's normal self was back, and he embraced the comfort of the cold, reasonable side of his mind; the emotional chaos retreated back into its corner, defeated for now. He could finally think clearly again - as clearly as was possible with all the trains of cause and effect his mind was stringing together, that was. Either way - reasons aside, Kratos was obviously besieged by remorse right now - in other words, Rai currently had the advantage.

"Kratos," he said, trying to keep his tone of voice neutral. Kratos pulled back and stared at him. 

"I'm so sorry," his father said softly. "I don't know how I can ever make it up to you. But if you remember...you must know why I did what I did, you must understand..."

Except I don't remember it..."I'll tell you a way you can make it up to me," Rai said calmly. "I do understand your actions, Father. You only did what you had to. But the fact remains that I've gone through a lot because of what happened back then." I hope that was vague enough... "There is something you can do to help."

From Kratos's reaction, he knew he'd hit the nail on the head. The man looked torn between relief and self-hate. "What is it?"

"I...I can't tell you now. But it's a favor you can accomplish. Can you promise me you'll do it?"

Kratos said nothing for some time. Rai added, "It's the least you can do, after..." He trailed off as if he couldn't bring himself to voice his thoughts, hoping the guilt trip would work and that Kratos would fill in the blanks himself. His voice even cracked a little, very convincingly; he was surprised at his own acting ability.

There was a long silence, during which Kratos simply stared at him. The man seemed to have regained most of his self-control; his face was once more almost completely blank, and he appeared to be considering. Probably he was wondering what types of favors Rai could possibly ask, and whether any of them could really be that significant. Finally he said, "Very well, Rai. But I have some conditions as well. You are not to tell anyone else who I am, anything about me, or of your relation to me. And...I reserve the right to add certain conditions, within reason, once I find out your request."

He wanted to protest, but he knew his situation was precarious enough as it was. He was lucky that Kratos was buying this at all. He nodded. 

"Kratos - ...Father - thank you. And I forgive you." The lie felt thick and unpleasant on his tongue. He had no idea what he was forgiving. Gratitude and warmth shone in his father's eyes, and Rai couldn't bring himself to look away.

He had never felt more wretched in his life.

Chapter Text

Raine sighed, tilting her head up to gaze at the sky. It was darker now, as the sun was beginning to set; if she had to guess, she'd say it would be completely dark in a few more hours. She'd spent some time talking to Genis, trying to give him advice, but it seemed he'd already come to terms with his traumatic experience. Although Genis didn't say so, she suspected it was Rai who had talked him through it, and she was curious about what he could have said. For whatever reason, Rai had always been wary and closed off around her, and she had always been slightly unsure of how to act around him. Which had come first, she wasn't sure, but it didn't seem like the relationship was reparable. No matter how much she internally accused Rai of misunderstanding her or mistrusting her, she had to admit that she obviously didn't understand him in the least either. Since when had it become like this? It was true that from the time she had taken Rai in, he had always been hard to understand, but their relationship hadn't deteriorated this much until at least three years after that.

Still, she did care about him. She'd raised him from the age of four years old and watched him grow from a perceptive, quiet toddler to an even more guarded teenager. He'd matured quickly, and Raine knew it was because of his mana signature. How quickly half-elves would grow physically and mentally wasn't an exact science; it depended on the specific way the genes from their elf and human parents had come together. And Rai was obviously not exactly half and half; his mana signature was more on the elf side than the human side. That meant that it was likely that both of his parents had been at least part elf, though the exact details were impossible to find out.

One thing she was extremely curious about was his background. Even now, she had no idea where Rai had spent the first four years of his life, and if he recalled, he wasn't telling. What kind of a background would result in such a young child being so closed off and adultlike? He certainly hadn't retained much innocence. From the moment she'd met him, he'd been impossible to fully read, and there had been an odd cunning in his every action, as if there was some underlying motive. It was something she'd come to expect to at least some degree in many adults, especially half-elves...but coming from a four-year-old? She'd been disconcerted, to say the least, and that had probably bled into her actions, since from the beginning she couldn't help but be guarded around him. Maybe he'd picked up on the fact and in turn become even more closed off?

She sighed. Rai was definitely much harder to understand than Genis. Both were brilliant for their respective ages, but Genis still retained the childlike innocence that he should have at his age, despite being a half-elf. They'd both received recommendations to attend the Palmacosta Academy - the most prodigious school in Sylvarant - but she'd put the response on hold. Genis hadn't want to leave his friends, and although Rai had seemed to want to go, she could hardly send him so far alone at the age of only eight. So she'd refused him, and he'd sulked, refusing to talk to her for almost a month.

Where was he now, anyway? She'd noticed him walking down the path towards Anna's grave earlier when she'd been talking to Genis. Was he still there? What business would Rai have at Anna's grave for this long? She stood and started towards the path. Maybe she could talk to him about why he'd been acting so annoyed today, although she doubted he'd open up. There was definitely something between him and Kratos, although she couldn't tell yet what.

As she stepped onto the stone of the path and into the shade of the tall trees that flanked Dirk's house, she looked ahead and saw that both Kratos and Rai were there, standing in front of the grave and looking at each other, although from this distance it was impossible to discern their expressions. She hurried forward silently, hoping to catch them unawares and get some hint about the nature of their interaction, but she was only halfway there when Rai turned and began to walk back towards the house. Nonchalantly, she passed by him, giving him a nod, but to her surprise he didn't respond. On closer inspection (as he walked swiftly past) she realized that he had on the glassy-eyed, blank-faced expression he got sometimes when he was trying to mask his feelings or something significant had happened. That made this even more suspicious. What on earth could he and Kratos have talked about to make him retreat so far into himself that he didn't even notice or reciprocate her greeting?

Deciding to let Rai go for now, she continued walking toward Kratos, who had turned back to the grave. Despite the fact that his back was to her, she had the feeling that he knew she was approaching, and his shoulders tensed almost imperceptibly as she walked slightly past him and knelt in front of the grave. She bowed her head slightly and was silent for a time, paying respect to Lloyd's mother, although she had never personally met the woman.

After a few moments she opened her eyes and stood, looking back to Kratos. To her surprise, the man was watching her and not the grave, his red-brown eyes neutral. She waited for a few seconds to see if he would say anything, but he was silent.

"I see you've found Anna's grave," she said finally, watching his face. It was carefully blank in a way that reminded her of Rai, but there was a slight flash of some sort of emotion. He only nodded.

"You were speaking with my brother for some time," Raine pressed on. "May I ask what you were discussing?" 

Kratos averted his gaze, staring into the forest. "Nothing important. I was just asking him some details about this grave."

Raine wasn't convinced. It was unlikely they had been talking about that for this long, and not only that, but Rai wouldn't have reacted so strongly to such an innocuous conversation. It was obvious that Kratos wasn't going to tell her anything else, though, so she decided to let it slide temporarily. "I see." 

There was a short silence, during which Raine walked back towards him and sat down, a respectful distance from the grave. After a brief hesitation, he sat next to her, resting his arms on his knees. He still wasn't looking at her; instead, his gaze was now fixed upward, a faraway look in his eyes. "It's interesting how different the sky looks from different parts of the world," he mused.

"You must have travelled quite a bit in your line of work," she observed wistfully. She had always wished to travel, to see all the wonders that the world held, but there had been Genis, and then Rai as well…

He finally glanced her way, a hint of amusement in his eyes. "It's not as much fun as it sounds like. But you'll get to see quite a bit of the world on the Journey of Regeneration."

"That's true." Despite all her worries, she felt a smile come to her lips. What with all the other things going on, she'd almost forgotten that part, and how excited she'd been to visit the locations of the Seals with an official purpose. She laughed a little. "I'd actually forgotten."

There was comfortable silence, both of them lost in their own thoughts. Finally Raine broke the silence once more. "I had something I wanted to discuss with you."

He turned back to her and she met his gaze squarely. "What is it?" he asked, sounding slightly guarded.

"It's about Rai, actually. I know you said your conversation with him earlier was nothing special, but I think I should warn you anyway. He's a little...how should I put this..." She sighed. "Well, he can be a bit obtuse, and very reactive, especially to people he doesn't know well. He's difficult to understand, even for me, and his attitudes often seem odd in context. Often, though, he can seem perfectly normal, and then a normal comment will cause him to shut down..."

"I'm sure he has his reasons," Kratos said. His voice sounded cool again, and Raine wondered what she had said to offend him. "He seems like an intelligent boy."

"I think that's part of the problem," she admitted. "He's very intelligent for his age, but that also causes him to isolate himself, and he refuses to talk about himself to anyone, even to me. I just wanted to warn you to be careful with what you say to him."

Kratos grunted non-committally. "Concern noted."

"Also, I would appreciate your help to handle the others, considering that we're the only two adults in the group. Lloyd especially might be a problem; he's overly enthusiastic, easily bored..."

Kratos looked both annoyed and resigned. "I see. I suppose there's no way we can keep the boy from coming now?"

"...I'm afraid not."

"Very well." The amusement was back in his eyes now. "I'll be sure to help you control them."

She smiled a little. "Thank you. ...By the way, I'm curious, but what exactly brought a mercenary like you here?"

To her chagrin, his expression immediately closed up again. "I had heard the Chosen would be leaving soon, and saw a job opportunity," he said stiffly, no longer meeting her gaze.

"I see," she said neutrally. "So what brought you to this line of work?" Her tone was casual, betraying none of her intense interest.

"...I'm sorry, I'd rather not discuss my personal life." 

She decided not to press him further. "I can respect that." Standing and dusting off her clothes, she said, "Well, I need to get back to the village soon; I have things to organize for the Journey. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

He didn't reply, only turning his face back toward the grave. As she walked away, she sighed, massaging her temples.

This conversation had done nothing but leave her more suspicious than when she entered it.

Rai finally reached Lloyd's room, breathing slightly elevated. It was thankfully empty, since Lloyd, Colette and Genis were all downstairs talking with Dirk and Raine was outside with Kratos. He couldn't even bring himself to care about what Raine wanted with him, or about whether she might be suspicious. He'd completely shut down his thoughts and pushed all worries to the back of his mind until he could be alone and let them out; he couldn't risk losing control of his expression or his actions while other people were around. Now, finally, he relaxed. He staggered over to the wall and slumped against it, sinking down into a sitting position with his head in his hands.

Slowly, he let life return to his mind. Thoughts buzzed around uncontrollably, fighting to be considered first. Akira was in there somewhere, but he wasn't actively trying to speak; perhaps he realized that Rai would have ignored him. All the other voices that comprised his thoughts were making different observations and speculations, but he did his best to filter them out and focus on one thing at a time.

For some reason, the question at the forefront of his mind was whether he had been right to take advantage of Kratos the way he had. There was a moral aspect to it, of course, but that part was hard to quantify, and there was no way for him to reason out whether it was right or wrong, so he ignored it. But more importantly, this might come back to bite him later; Kratos thought he remembered something he didn't, and that could cause all kinds of problems. What if Kratos eventually found out that Rai had deceived him? He supposed that as long as he had already cashed in his favor, it would technically be okay; Kratos wouldn't be able to take it back, after all. Still, it was something to be avoided. But the only true solution he could see was to just remember whatever it was, so that there was no disconnect between what Kratos thought he knew and what he really knew.

Something occurred to him. Akira? You've been in my mind since I was born, so you must remember what experience Kratos is referring to.

Akira's silence was all he needed.

You do know, don't you? he thought accusingly. Just tell me. I can handle it.

Rai...Akira sounded odd, half sad, half pleading. Trust me. It's really better if you don't know, at least not right now.

At least tell me why!

...I'm sorry.

Rai gritted his teeth, trying to control his breathing against the onslaught of fury. Keep calm - emotions make you weak, emotions make you weak...Okay, he'd put that to the side, he'd think about the other things first. Something else had been niggling at him - Kratos's conditions. The first one made sense; Kratos didn't want his status as an angel of Cruxis to be divulged, for obvious reasons. But why did Kratos care about anything other than that? Why would he want to add conditions depending on the request? Regardless of what Rai asked, wasn't keeping Kratos's identity a secret the most important thing? Perhaps he was overthinking this. It was entirely possible Kratos just wanted to be safe and close all loose ends. Rai himself would have added the same qualifier, after all.

He continued in his thought process, filing away the unresolved questions away for later. He briefly considered the idea of the memories he'd supposedly lost, but concluded that with the current information, there was no way for him to deduce their contents. As he wrapped up his thoughts, he heard light footsteps on the stairs and stiffened, turning his gaze toward the door and carefully wiping his expression. He didn't want to tip anyone off that anything out of the ordinary had happened. As the person came into view he realized it was Colette, her face tight and drawn. She'd been acting completely out of character the past few days, but she wasn't the only one; Rai didn't think anyone was really themselves right now.

"Are you busy?" Her lips barely moved, and her slender fingers played with the hem of her white shirt. 

"No, please come in." He watched her carefully, trying to figure out why she'd come up here alone and left her two friends. There was obviously something bothering her.

She was seated next to him on the floor now, looking ridiculously downcast. Finally Rai couldn't bear the silence any longer. "Do you need anything from me?" he asked, trying not to sound impatient.

She wouldn't meet his gaze. "I - I wanted to talk to you," she admitted haltingly, hesitantly. "How much do you know about...the role of the Chosen in the Regeneration?"

It dawned on him what this was probably about. "Although Raine hasn't told me much, I have my suspicions that it requires a much greater sacrifice from the Chosen than most people seem to think. Remiel's words at the Oracle only confirmed those thoughts."

She choked out, "So you know about..." Her voice was thin and quavering. Rai could hardly recognize it as belonging to her; it was vastly different from the innocent, cheerful tone she normally adopted. He was intrigued despite himself.

"Yes," he said simply.

She barely held back a sob, still not looking at him. Eventually she turned toward him slightly and faltered, "I - I know this is my duty, but I - I - I - "

After she had stammered for a few moments, Rai decided to finish for her. "You're afraid?"

At this the sob escaped and she nodded tearfully, staring down into her lap. 

Tired of this ridiculous self-blame, he sighed and tilted her chin up with a single finger. "Look, Colette. If you're thinking something about your not being a good Chosen because you're afraid, that's absolutely ridiculous. I would be more worried if you weren't afraid."

She only stared at him, still looking uncertain, so he continued, "If I were you, I would have run away already. I'd have told them to find someone else to save the world, that I wasn't going to give up my life for it. I think the fact that you're trying so hard to be a perfect Chosen is already more than anyone should expect."

She blinked in surprise, her blue eyes round. In that moment, she looked like a child. "R-really? You would...run away?"

Rai met her gaze, trying to convey sincerity, which was made difficult by the inner voice chanting go away, go away, I want to be alone. "It's nothing to be proud of, but yes. And I think most people would. I care more about my own life than those of random others. And even if I were to try, I would still be trying to change the system so that we could find a way to regenerate the world without sacrificing my life. And if we couldn't find one...yeah, I would definitely run." He paused, then asked carefully, "Colette - have you told Lloyd you're feeling this way?" He had an inkling of why she might have approached him instead of talking to Lloyd, who was obviously much closer to her. Still, it would be much easier if Lloyd could deal with this instead…

Damn, she was crying again now, and he wasn't sure what to do, what expression to put on. "N-no - Lloyd is so bright, he's so happy - he doesn't know anything about what will happen - I don't want him to be sad just because of me, I don't want to be a burden - "

He was starting to get more than a little angry now, but he forced it down. This girl was really ridiculous. Why did she think about others so much? And not only that - did she not care that she was burdening Rai right now? Did she think he enjoyed listening to her blubber? What, did he just not count as a person? Was it because he wasn't all "bright and happy" like Lloyd?

"Colette, you're just making it harder on yourself because of that," he said, perhaps a tad too sharply. "I know it must be hard for you to act happy and carefree when you're actually scared, and it's even harder when Lloyd doesn't understand anything's wrong. But I think he deserves to know. He cares about you - don't you think it'll hurt him when he eventually does find out?"

She was shaking, holding a fistful of his shirt now. It was getting wrinkled and the pressure around his neck was slightly uncomfortable, but he didn't have the heart to push her away. "I...I want to put it off as long as possible...I don't want to hurt him.."

He sighed. It didn't seem like she'd be convinced. "I still think you should tell him, but if you really feel like you can't I suppose I'll listen to you instead," he said reluctantly, turning his face away. He remembered what had just happened with Genis, how his brother had been happier after crying it out and talking about it. Might as well get it over with, then. "If you want to...talk about it, or just cry...it's okay to let your feelings out, you know. And if you have any questions I'll do my best to answer."

"Are - are you sure you don't mind?" He turned back to see her staring at him with those tearful eyes again. God, she's so pitiful. I would have to be an absolute monster to turn her away at this point.

"It's okay."

At this, she burst out crying all over again, though she was obviously trying to muffle her sobs so that nobody could hear from downstairs. There was a brief moment of hesitation, during which he just awkwardly stared at her crying into her hands. Then he leaned forward and pulled her closer as he had done with Genis, and she relaxed into the embrace, sobbing with her face buried in his shoulder. God, this is awkward. What am I supposed to do with my hands? He noticed that she smelled good, kind of like flower petals, and then berated himself for thinking such a stupid, out-of-context thought. She's a girl, of course she's going to smell good. Akira was snickering again, seemingly having recovered from his odd mood earlier.

She started talking, and Rai listened, letting her ramble. Although the point of crying was still mostly incomprehensible to him, he could understand the benefits of speaking your thoughts out loud to somebody else. Keeping them all in your mind could get overwhelming.

"I'm supposed to be the Chosen, I'm s-supposed to protect everyone, but all I can do is get saved," she sobbed. "L-lloyd always saves me, and the Professor has to take care of me, and even when I try to help people I always end up t-tripping or breaking things or just m-messing up - "

"That's not true," he lied, stroking her hair awkwardly and hoping he sounded soothing. He fished for something to say and settled on a truth. "You make your friends happy. You make Lloyd happy. I know he doesn't think you're a burden."

She continued, and he wondered irritably if she'd even heard him. "All those people in the human ranch, it's m-my fault, because I haven't saved them yet...every night they pray for the Chosen to come save them, but I c-can't even do anything..."

She was shaking and hiccupping so much now that he was afraid she was going to malfunction. He tightened his grip marginally, trying to calm her down, and brought his mouth closer to her ear, trying to get through to her. "Colette, listen to me. You're more than just the Chosen - you're a person. A sweet, kind girl that everyone loves." 

Except I usually just find her annoying, but it's probably best not to mention that.

...Ya think?

"And there's no way you can save the people from the ranch yet. Just because you've had this title foisted on you, doesn't mean you're suddenly superhuman. You're not an angel yet, you haven't even started your journey yet - you're just a normal girl." He paused, then insisted, "It's the fault of the Desians - half-elves like me - it has nothing to do with you."

She was quieter now, and to his relief the shaking had lessened as well. She was hugging him tighter to the point where it was slightly painful, but hopefully he'd gotten through to her at least a little bit. "I - I'm really sorry...this must be really annoying for you..."

You've got that right…

"No need to apologize. All I need is a thank you."

"T-thank you..."

Colette's hiccups were slowing down, and she seemed to be calming a bit. He relaxed his grip as well, one hand returning to her back as he used the other to subtly adjust his position. His muscles were aching from holding her awkwardly on the floor. She must have been keeping all of this to herself for a long time, he realized. Especially if she was desperate enough to come to me about it, of all people.

There was a sudden intake of breath which Rai barely detected, even with the enhanced hearing from his long ears. He glanced up over Colette's shoulder and saw Lloyd standing there, an expression of shock on his face. Damn...of all the times for him to show up. It's probably better if he doesn't interact with Colette right now, since she's been trying to hide all this from him…

Before Lloyd could say anything, Rai discreetly pressed a finger to his lips, looking at Lloyd meaningfully. Thankfully, since Colette was still hugging him, her back was to the door and she hadn't noticed Lloyd yet. Lloyd just stared for about ten seconds - and then fled.

Inwardly, Rai sighed. Great. More misunderstandings to clear up. That was definitely jealousy he had just seen - Lloyd was probably hurt that Colette had come to Rai instead of him. Maybe he even thought there was something between them.

...Since when have I become such an expert on people's feelings?

Chapter Text

"Hyaaaah!"

Lloyd twisted through a complicated set of attacks, evading and striking at imaginary enemies. He finished with a precise cross strike, carefully timing two diagonal slashes from each sword as he landed, and paused, dropping the sword in his right hand to wipe sweat from his brow.

Why wasn't it working? Usually, training with his sword was enough to get anything off his mind. But now, that image wouldn't leave - Colette in Rai's arms, crying, in pain - and he hadn't even realized -

Furious, he snatched his sword back up and rolled straight into the next form. "Demon Fang! Tiger Blade! Sword Rain!" He focused on the speed of his movements, transitioning from slash to leap to thrust faster than any novice would be able to. He wasn't actively drawing on his exsphere's power, but he knew it still lent him strength, allowing him to make inhumanly high leaps and impossibly fast twists.

"Lloyd."

He turned, surprised, to see Kratos. The man was leaning against a tree, watching him. How long had he been there? It took Lloyd a few moments to catch his breath before he responded. "Yeah?"

Kratos walked toward him, arms crossed, surveying him through narrowed eyes. "Have you been making use of that manual I gave you on basic sword techniques? You have power and speed, but your movements are all over the place. It might be good enough to take out some low-ranking foot-soldiers, but you won't hold up long against a truly skilled opponent."

Lloyd's grip on his sword hilts tightened painfully. He didn't need this right now. He wasn't training so that he could be criticized on what he was doing wrong by this bastard who was always perfect in everything he did. He just wanted to tire himself out so much that he couldn't think, couldn't question Colette's trust in him, couldn't question Rai's motives, could question why she'd gone to him, trusted him over Lloyd…

At some point Kratos had approached close enough to peer into his face, and the man looked a little taken aback. "What's wrong?"

He realized his face was wet and wiped it angrily with his sleeve, turning away from Kratos. "Can you...can you leave me alone for now?" he managed, and was proud that his voice shook only a little. "I have some things to think about."

Instead of the condescending comment he had been expecting, there was only silence. After a few moments he turned his head and realized that Kratos was gone. For once, the man had actually listened to his request. He wasn't sure how to feel about it.

Abruptly, he collapsed to his knees, breath coming in heavy gasps. He must have exerted himself more than he'd thought; his vision was a bit blurry and his heart was beating so fast it felt painfully constricting. Heaving, he let himself fall onto the forest floor, closing his eyes and breathing in the familiar, earthy scent as his breathing slowed. The only sound was the gentle blow of the wind and the pit-pat of tiny feet somewhere in the leaves; he could almost imagine that he was in this same clearing years ago, as a younger boy, exhausted from playing with his wooden swords.

Immersed in his surroundings as he was, he heard it immediately when somebody else started to make their way toward him, their quiet steps rustling in the grass. He said nothing, letting them approach. After a moment the person settled down next to him, and for a long time there was silence again, so much so that Lloyd almost believed he'd imagined there being someone else here.

Finally, he pushed himself up and looked. It was Rai, staring at him with indecipherable jade eyes. "Want to spar?"

Lloyd stared at him. "What? But you don't use a sword..."

"Do you mind if I borrow one of yours? Don't worry, I'm not as bad with it as you might think."

Lloyd shrugged and easily tossed him one of the blades, letting it arc through the air before he remembered that the half-elf might not be as used to sword-juggling as Lloyd was. Surprisingly, though, Rai caught it deftly by the hilt and took an odd-looking fighting stance, crouched low to the ground. The look in his eyes was suddenly different - relaxed, alert, and catlike. Lloyd was reminded of that time in the Martel temple, when Rai had surprised them all with that move against the spider. 

Quickly, Lloyd dashed forward, opening with a forward slash.

To his surprise, Rai actually blocked it. It was obvious he wasn't used to training his muscles this way, and he wasn't overly fast, but his form was pretty impressive. Lloyd, on the other hand, was trying to adjust to the unusual feeling of fighting with only one sword. At some point Rai actually got in some hits on Lloyd's unguarded side with the flat of his blade. Where Lloyd was fast and full of movement, Rai seemed to be trying to move as little as possible while still blocking and attacking, trying to use Lloyd's momentum against him. Despite himself, Lloyd was impressed. Since when had Rai known so much about physical combat?

Eventually they both collapsed into the cool grass, both sporting multiple bruises. For a while there was no sound except for their heavy breathing.

After some time, Lloyd opened his eyes. He hadn't felt the resentment he'd been expecting when he saw Rai earlier, and that fight had been surprisingly cathartic. Rai was now stretched out on his back in the grass, head pillowed on his arms and his eyes closed. It looked like he'd fallen asleep, since Lloyd had never seen this open expression on him when he was awake. His features were chiseled, strangely sculpted, and Lloyd couldn't help but be reminded that this boy wasn't human. How could he be? He looked like some kind of doll, with his clay-like paleness and his perfectly symmetrical face.

Lloyd realized he was staring and blinked, letting his gaze flit away from Rai's face. The half-elf was oddly still, the rise and fall of his chest almost invisible, and Lloyd couldn't help but feel surprised. Rai didn't seem like the type to show up and fall asleep next to someone else. He was the kind of person who didn't like to let his guard down.

He placed a hand on Rai's shoulder, meaning to wake him, and the half-elf's eyes flew open immediately. His green eyes were hazy as he blinked, adjusting to the light. Had he really been sleeping?

Rai didn't sit up, and after a moment Lloyd lay back as well. Presently the half-elf spoke.

"God, you took so long that I almost fell asleep. Why'd you exhaust yourself that much? It looked like you'd been training even before I showed up."

"You know why. What was up with that just now?" Inwardly, he was a bit surprised. It seemed like Rai was intending to keep to his promise to be more civil from now on. He was like an entirely different person this way.

Rai blew out a soft breath and closed his eyes again. "Are you talking about Colette?" He talked like he already knew the answer.

Just the mention of her name was enough to send Lloyd's heart rate back up again. He felt sick with self-guilt and jealousy. He'd always been good at pinpointing his own emotions, but knowing what he was feeling didn't make it any better. "What was wrong with her?" he managed, trying not to sound angry. Rai was being friendly enough, and his interaction with Colette could be totally explainable. There was no point jumping to conclusions…

Rai chuckled a little. "You're jealous." Before Lloyd could deny it, he continued, "It's okay, it's not like I blame you. The situation was a little...misleading, I suppose."

Out of the corner of his eye, Lloyd saw Rai turn his face towards him. "You aren't thinking we're romantically involved, are you? Don't worry, I wouldn't steal someone else's girl." His voice was slightly mocking, but the undertone was serious.

"She - she's not my girl. Colette doesn't belong to anyone but herself," he growled. And then - "Wait - you don't feel that way towards her, right?" He blushed a little. So much for being subtle. Rai laughed.

"No, Lloyd. Do you want me to tell you why she came to me, and why she acts happy whenever you're around? It's because she cares about you. She doesn't want to burden you."

Lloyd groaned and slapped his hand to his face. "God, I should have known. That sounds just like her...that idiot, how many times have I talked to her about this...?"

Rai was already continuing, almost as if he hadn't heard Lloyd speak. 

"Anyway, she asked me not to tell you, but basically she has something that's bothering her and she doesn't want you to be involved because she thinks it'll hurt you. It's probably better for you to wait for her to bring it up to you herself. The best thing you can do for her right now is to let her know you're there for her as a friend, and do your best to keep her spirits high." It was the longest speech Lloyd had ever heard from this guy. He'd said it pretty fast, as if he was trying to get it over with.

Rai was probably right, but...this seemed really odd for him to say...or was it just that Lloyd wasn't used to him being friendly? He hadn't gotten the impression that Rai was the type to get involved in this kind of thing.

"Why are you being so helpful?" he asked, and then slapped a hand over his mouth. He had to stop just letting his thoughts slip out like that. Thankfully, Rai didn't seem to be offended. He just looked at Lloyd with an odd look in his eyes.

Then, so quietly that Lloyd wasn't sure he'd really heard -

"I'm sorry."

Lloyd felt rooted to the spot, feeling utterly lost as Rai walked away.

"Akira."

He didn't answer. Instead, he shook with barely suppressed fury as he stared at the man across from him, black hair perfectly combed and white lab coat neatly pressed. How dare this man lie to him?

"Hayashi Akira-san!"

The pent-up emotions inside him finally exploded and his vision went black. As it cleared he realized he had moved forward at some point, his hand around the doctor's throat, pinning him against the wall. The man was choking now. "Akira...san...!"

Behind him the two nurses were tugging at his sleeve helplessly. One of them was sobbing; a third raced from the room. He realized with a jolt what he was doing and unclenched his hand, staggering back and collapsing shakily into a chair as the doctor slid down the wall, coughing and wheezing.

When he spoke, he hardly recognized his own voice. "I'm...sorry..." This doctor was his friend, one of his only reminders from Japan. A friend of his father's. He was supposed to trust him.

Dr. Yamamoto had managed to get back to his feet. The look in his eyes was wary, but he lifted a hand in a signal to the others in the room and they stayed back. "It's understandable," he said weakly, "but I'm afraid I must ask you to refrain from physical displays from now on, Akira."

"Can you...can you tell me again? I think I heard you wrong." His gaze was fixed on the other man again. The doctor looked a little wary.

"You have... a neurodegenerative disease," he said carefully. "As I said, the details are here - " he gestured to a stack of papers on the desk between them " - but you'll probably recognize the symptoms yourself. You're a medical student, right?"

Akira hardly remembered the next hour. He'd looked through the papers, realized that there was no way the doctor was lying. It was the same diagnosis he'd have given himself. At some point he must have excused himself from the room, but he had no idea what the doctor had said. Did it matter? He was destined to deteriorate in both physical and mental abilities. There was no cure. It would eventually kill him.

He found himself thinking, I hope it's sooner rather than later. 

Did he want to die?

No. He clenched the sheath of papers in his hands so tightly that it crumpled in on itself, offering no resistance. Of course he didn't. Up until now, he'd thought death was the greatest fear of his life …

Until he realized he was going to slowly lose his ability to reason and think. Slowly lose everything that made him human, until finally, he died. On the disease's terms.

Somehow he reached his home, and found himself in his room. The surroundings seemed surreal and his vision blurry, but when he rubbed at his eyes there was no sign of tears. His head was pounding as if somebody was standing over him with a sledgehammer. His cat wound itself between his legs, purring. He thrust it away.

The phone rang. Once, twice, three times. He tried to go get it out of habit and stumbled, falling to the floor. Pain shot through one leg. He didn't move. His cat nosed at his face, mewing loudly.

The doorbell rang then. He pushed himself up. Staggered to the door. Fumbled with the keys, dropped them three times. Finally he pushed it open and was met with the sight of a police officer. His blood ran cold. It was a testament to how ingrained his acting abilities were that he showed no visible facial reaction. He said nothing, unable to trust his voice.

"Mr. Hayashi?" The voice was smooth, American, butchering Akira's name. He didn't care. His hands trembled around the paper. Had they found out about...? No, there was no way. But…

Wait, why was he so afraid? Wasn't he dying anyway?

He felt the odd urge to laugh, but looking into the officer's face, he realized he hadn't answered and quashed it. "Yes, that's me. Sorry, I've just had some unsettling news..." His voice sounded absolutely normal, if a little weary. Like someone else's.

Something changed in the other man's face. "You - you've already heard? But how?"

This obviously wasn't what he'd thought was going on, Akira throught wryly through another wave of pain. "...I'm sorry?"

The man averted his eyes. "Your...your parents. They were in a car crash early this morning. I'm afraid...they didn't make it."

What?

There was a flat, ringing sound. And a bunch of white noise, as if he were listening to a bad recording. What had he been doing again? There was another stab to his head, so painful that he was brought to his knees.

"Mr. Hayashi! Mr. Hayashi, are you okay?"

He retched, then vomited up the remains of his breakfast that morning. It seemed so long ago. Ironically, his first thought was, Damn, there goes my carpet…

Then he was laughing, laughing so hard that tears came to his eyes. Because this was all too ridiculous to actually be real. It must be a dream, or a divine prank. A joke? Was this meant to be a joke? Well, he was certainly laughing now. Joke's over!

Someone was leading him to a chair, pushing a glass at him. He shoved it away and heard the tinkle as it hit the floor. More things to clean up. Had he woken up from the nightmare yet? Akira blinked hazily as his vision came back into focus and saw the sympathetic and slightly disturbed face of the officer. Who was still there. 

Still real.

Akira screamed.

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

"Look, look, that cloud looks like a dog!"

"Really, Colette? I think it looks more like Lloyd when he's trying to think."

"Oh really? Wait...hey, shut up, Genis!"

Genis and Colette giggled as Lloyd looked away, red in the face. Rai sighed in the background. He was getting tired of the inane chatter. He had only gotten about an hour of sleep, if that, and his head was pounding horribly. When he was this tired and irritated, it became doubly hard to ignore all the voices, so they seemed slightly louder than usual now. He'd gotten tired of trying to convince W it was wrong, and that he'd made the right decision, and now he was forced to endure it saying the same thing over and over again (We're a horrible person, we're evil, we're terrible, we're horrible, we're evil...). It sounded more and more distraught as time went on, until Rai wanted to just pound his head hard into the ground to make it stop. Only he knew that wouldn't help, unless he knocked himself into unconsciousness, but everyone else would probably think he was crazy (They wouldn't be wrong, stated the cynic). 

Maybe he should join into the conversation after all, if only to escape his own thoughts for a short while. Raine and Kratos both travelled silently, so that left only the children to talk to. They seemed to have moved on from the topic of clouds now. He realized suddenly that Lloyd was now addressing him.

"Hey, Rai, so why are you wearing that cloak and that scarf? Won't that just make it even more hot?"

Rai sighed. Was Lloyd really this clueless? "Lloyd, the desert sun is so fierce that it's not a good idea to bare too much of your skin to it. My skin would probably be peeling off by the end of the day if I didn't do this."

"...Oh. But, wait, what about the rest of us, then?"

"You're all already fully covered. If you hadn't noticed, Genis is wearing long pants today."

Genis snickered again. "Wow, you didn't know that, Lloyd?"

"Sh-shut up, Genis!"

Don't they ever get tired of this?

"So - Rai, what do you think?" asked Lloyd.

Huh? "About what?"

Genis cut in. "Lloyd thinks that it'll take three hours to get to Triet. Colette thinks it'll take four hours, and I guessed six. What do you think?"

He did some quick mental calculations, taking into account the map he'd seen in a book once. The precise amount of time it had taken to get from Iselia to the House of Salvation, as reported by CO, had been sixteen hours and 34 minutes, starting at about six in the morning. The distance from Iselia to the House of Salvation had, by the map, been comparable to the distance from the House to Triet at about 97 kilometers, assuming they walked in a relatively straight line from point to point (which they had). They'd left the House of Salvation about nine and a half hours ago (precisely nine hours and 24 minutes, subtracting out the time taken to eat lunch), and had entered the desert around the two-hour mark, so it should be about…

"It'll take a little over seven hours," he said. "More precisely, assuming we keep a constant rate of about 4.8 kilometers per hour, which is average walking speed, it should take seven hours and ten minutes." Kratos snorted from ahead, but said nothing.

Genis laughed a little. "I guess you win, Rai. I'm curious - were you keeping track of how long it took us from Iselia to the House, or did you just assume 4.8 kilometers per hour?"

"I kept track. Sixteen hours and 34 minutes."

"Guuuuuuyyys," Lloyd whined, sounding annoyed. "We were just supposed to guess, not start a math lesson!"

"That's amazing, Rai!" chirped Colette happily, hands folded in front of her. He felt a stab of annoyance at the obvious facade. Why did she believe she had to act this way?

"It's not exactly that impressive," he muttered, shoving his hands into his pockets. More like sad - who would actually remember such a useless fact? CO really was pretty annoying, despite being more tolerable than most of the others. The times where it actually came in handy were few and far in between.

"Hey! Stop right there, inferior beings!" The harsh yell made Rai freeze in his tracks. The party took various defensive stances as a group of four Renegades advanced on them. The rest of the party still thought they were Desians, though, Rai reminded himself. Still, it would be better to end this encounter peacefully. He had no desire to kill people for no reason - especially not fellow half-elves, and especially not ones who were against Cruxis.

"What is your business in the desert?" one of the soldiers demanded, after they'd gotten close enough to speak comfortably. Raine stepped forward, giving a generic response. She was avoiding the fact that the Chosen was with them, and for good reason. Rai stepped forward, closer to Colette, and under cover of slinging an arm around her shoulder, quickly wrapped the scarf he'd been using to shade his face over her head.

"Keep your Cruxis Crystal covered. We don't want them to know you're the Chosen; it'll be easier to avoid trouble," he hissed in her ear. She shot him a grateful look as she adjusted the scarf.

Rai shifted his attention back to the Renegades. "Rai - you've noticed their uniforms, right?" Genis breathed in his ear. He stiffened. Genis had noticed the difference? Unlike in the game, the Renegades' uniforms were not blatantly green, but there were a few subtle differences in the belts and the boots and even in the weapons the soldiers carried. He nodded very slightly to acknowledge his brother's comment and continued watching.

As the leader continued to grill Raine with questions, Rai noticed one of the other Renegades nudging his partner. They seemed to be looking at something specific; he followed their gazes and froze. Was he imagining things, or were they staring at Lloyd's hand? Which, he realized in horror, was for some reason no longer covered by a cloth. One of them looked down at something in his hand and then back up at Lloyd, as if he were checking something. Did they realize that Lloyd's exsphere is special? Lloyd didn't seem to have noticed anything - his attention was fixed on Raine's conversation.

The Renegade paced up to the leader and whispered something in his ear. He looked startled, and then glanced quickly at the visible exsphere on Lloyd's hand and then at the object in his subordinate's grasp.

"Is something the matter?" Raine asked suspiciously.

"Ah, no! Nothing at all!" The leader smiled. "Everything seems to be in order. Continue on your way." He turned quickly and gestured to his subordinates to follow.

This sudden change in attitude - they had definitely noticed something. They'd probably realized that it wasn't a good idea to try to take Lloyd here, since they were outnumbered. If they were allowed to report back to the Renegade base…

Rai's mind weighed various proportions and probabilities lightning fast, and in a split second, he reached the safest decision.

As the Renegades started to walk away, Rai quickly raced up to Raine and caught her sleeve. "We need to kill them," he said urgently, just loud enough so that the others could hear. Her eyes widened.

"What - "

"I'll explain later, just do it!" he snapped. Lloyd lost no time in charging forward, and after a long, measuring look, Kratos did the same. Genis looked frozen. "Rai - "

"Genis, I have a reason for this. Do you really think I'd just decide to kill people for no reason?!" he hissed as he started to cast. After a brief pause, Genis did the same. The Renegades were turning around with cries of shock as they realized they were under attack.

As Lloyd and Kratos each tangled with a Renegade each, Colette helping with throws of her chakrams, the other two were racing towards where Rai stood with Genis and Raine. He cursed, quickly finishing his initial spell and firing off another within the next five seconds. He was casting nonverbally, allowing the rational voice to take over, narrowing its concentration onto the spells. The Renegades both dodged his first attack, but the second one, a concentrated air attack, hit precisely where he'd been aiming and neatly severed the head of the half-elf on the left. Rai's blood ran cold as he saw the head bounce on the ground astride a torrent of blood.

"Layn!" screamed the one still standing. Then he was racing toward Rai with redoubled fury, probably distraught at the death of his comrade.

As the man neared, Rai was distracted by the tears in his opponent's eyes and almost stopped casting. 

"W-why?" the Renegade stammered hoarsely. Rai said nothing. He didn't have an answer.

He's the enemy, he berated himself angrily, and managed to send a large fireball at him at point-blank range. The Renegade threw up a mana shield and came out somewhat singed but still very much alive, now with tears streaming down his face. "Aqua Edge!" yelled Genis, but the Renegade leapt neatly into the air, dodging the attack, and brought his sword down towards Rai.

He panicked, barely managing to roll out of the way. Akira! He narrowly dodged another attack. Weaponless as he was, there was no way he'd be able to keep this up for very long, and his opponent was armored, so hand-to-hand combat wouldn't be very useful. Luckily, the Renegade seemed to have let his emotions get in the way of his fighting skills, because he was flailing wildly with his sword, still asking desperately, "Why - why - " His voice was broken.

Then Lloyd was there. Without a moment of hesitation, the swordsman stabbed straight into the Renegade's back, hard enough that the weapon went all the way through and came out through the chest, so far that the blade's tip brushed against Rai's shoulder. 

The enemy was almost nose-to-nose with Rai. His face held more shock than pain as he choked out, "Wh - " and staggered. Lloyd yanked his sword back out abruptly and the man crumpled to his knees in front of Rai like a marionette whose strings had been cut. His dark eyes never left Rai's - they were filled with hate and pain. "Curse - you - " he forced out between wet coughs, dark blood trickling from his mouth and mixing with freely flowing tears, "...you murdering - blood - traitor..."

He fell on his side, eyes still fixed on Rai's face as the life slowly left them. For some reason, Rai couldn't look away. He could sense the Renegade's mana draining, the signature fading slowly into nothingness. 

Then it was gone. 

Like it had never existed.

So, that was what it would be like to die? Would that happen to him some day, too? He would just be…

"Rai, are you all right?" It's Lloyd, CO announced distantly, in between specific reports of the half-elf's appearance in death and what he might have felt. He's shaking your shoulder.

Rai was shaking uncontrollably, mostly because of the juxtaposition of all the voices. Within the last few seconds they'd all intensified at least tenfold, so much so that he couldn't even decide what his overall opinion was about this. Even though he'd made a decision that led to this course of events, he hadn't prepared for the sensory overload. He'd known he'd have to kill individual innocents for the greater good, but he hadn't given much thought to the idea that his enemies would act like real people, and would hate him for killing them. W was screaming so loudly now that he could hardly tell whether the voice was still in his head or whether it had somehow burst out into the real world. YOU IDIOT! YOU FUCKING IDIOT! WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST -

"Rai!"

With a monumental effort, he blinked and tried to pull himself back into reality, although the voices didn't even pause in their screaming. He stared at Lloyd, who was looking at him concernedly. "Yes?"

"Are you okay? You just froze there for a second..."

He looked to the fallen half-elf, who stared unseeingly up at him with bloody tear tracks on his pale cheeks, and then back to Lloyd. Who had killed him. "I'm fine."

The rest of the group was now gathered around him as well, looking at him with varying levels of concern. There was a short pause, as Rai pondered the unusually dark coloring of the dead half-elf's hair and eyes. 

"Thanks for saving me," he said, after the silence had stretched long enough.

Lloyd looked a little uneasy. He wiped his blades carelessly on the ground, staining it red with the Renegade's blood. "No problem..." He smiled, then. "Well, let's get going! You said we wouldn't make it in seven hours unless we kept going, right? I can't wait to get to Triet!"

Rai stared blankly at him. How could he just act like nothing had just happened? When he'd just...murdered a person? Not a monster, but a person? Rai had done the same thing, of course - he wasn't trying to throw blame around - but it was obviously having an effect on him psychologically.

Raine stepped forward, her eyes sharp. "Wait. First - Rai, why did you feel they needed to be killed?"

He felt a wave of vertigo as W's screaming redoubled and he raised a shaking hand back to his head. He'd... forgotten about that, actually, in the mental turmoil. Somehow. So really, the blood of all of these Renegades was solely on his hands. The one he'd killed directly - Layn - as well as the three others.

"They seemed to recognize Lloyd's exsphere," he explained distantly. "I heard at the Desian ranch that there's a special exsphere that they're looking for, and I deduced that it was Lloyd's. It would have been trouble if they'd reported back about it." On second thought, he wasn't sure why he'd been so confident in his decision. Would it really have been so bad? Weren't the Renegades supposed to already know about Lloyd's exsphere by now, anyway? It hadn't had any fatal consequences in the game... 

But even as a weaker portion of him entertained such thoughts, wanting to hide behind the idea of having been wrong, or having misjudged, Rai knew that his decision had been correct with the parameters he'd put into it. He'd already decided at some past juncture that there was no point trying to steer events through the exact course they'd taken during the game, since his mere presence in this world seemed to have changed things drastically already, and there was no guarantee it would go how he'd remembered. For example, if he allowed the party to be captured by the Renegades, they might be unable to escape, especially since in the game they'd always done so through a series of lucky coincidences. So he certainly couldn't make decisions based on what was "supposed" to happen; if he'd allowed the Renegades to gain possible knowledge of Lloyd's exsphere, there was no way for him to predict the outcome. He could only try to steer the plot on a larger scale, and even then only so that he'd have some idea of what was to come.

Taking that into consideration, his decision had been correct, at least in terms of ensuring the highest possible chances of success for this journey. The simple matter of fact was that when weighing priorities, he hadn't assigned a single Renegade life much importance in the overall scheme of things. He'd decided to sacrifice four lives because he'd decided that they were unimportant against the possibility of the journey being potentially unsuccessful. But even though he knew the decision had been correct with respect to his current goals, that didn't make it any easier to handle emotionally. He supposed nobody had ever said the right decision was supposed to be easy.

He wondered briefly why this particular set of deaths was affecting him so much - it wasn't like he hadn't killed before. There had been Vidarr, and some other Desians in that same battle. But...no, when he had helped kill Vidarr it had felt somehow different, more like self-defense. Here, it had just felt like they were ganging up on some poor soldiers who were just doing their duty.

Half-elves like me.

"Wait - what?" Genis sounded confused and angry. "Why didn't you mention this before? And how did you even know that they'd recognized it? Are you telling me we just killed four people on a hunch?"

This comment only served to feed W's rant, and he was actually afraid now that his head would literally explode, the pain was so blinding. He realized after a few seconds (at CO's prompting) that he had yet to answer the question. He let the rational voice take over, and it said calmly, "I had been waiting to mention it until I had solidified some of my conclusions. They had obviously seen something unusual; they kept looking at Lloyd's hand suspiciously and then one of them reported it to the leader, after which he immediately changed his attitude and wanted to leave. I admit that none of that proves beyond all doubt that it was because of the exsphere, but I judged that the chance wasn't worth taking." There was no evidence in his voice of internal conflict, and he silently thanked the rational voice. This was why it was his favorite.

Genis was shaking with anger now. "W-what? You're saying that we killed them just in case? So other people's lives are just that insignificant to you?"

Yeah, Akira muttered sadly. On the large scale - unfortunately, yes.

Lloyd cut in now. "Genis, they're not other people, they're Desians! The evil bastards who killed my mom!"

Through his shock, some things were clicking into place. So this was how Lloyd could cheerfully kill people with seemingly no remorse or conflict. He felt a chill down his spine. It was an eerie contrast with Lloyd's harmless demeanor. He had a dangerous black-and-white mentality, and in that spectrum, the Desians fell on the "evil", "must-be-killed" end. He'd labelled them as subhuman as a group, and blamed them collectively for the death of his mother and the endangerment of Colette. That was probably what made Lloyd so important as the protagonist of the "game" - he was ridiculously emotionally stable and confident in his beliefs, whether that meant to trust someone or to kill them. It was dangerous, but also an asset.

So Lloyd hadn't seen that half-elf he'd just killed as an important life, as a man with feelings? Who might have a family and friends that he cared about?

Just an evil half-elf, the same as those who had killed his mother…

Raine was speaking now. "Stop arguing. I believe Rai made the right decision. Sometimes sacrifices have to be made, and Colette's safety takes highest priority right now."

Yes, that was it. He'd been focused only on his goals, not on minimizing deaths; the four Renegades had been mere pawns. Not people.

Not lives.

But this was the better outcome, wasn't it?

"However," Raine was continuing, fixing a steely gaze on Rai, "you should have informed us about this 'special exsphere' business as soon as you found out. And Lloyd - don't you usually cover your exsphere? What happened?"

Lloyd shuffled uncomfortably. "I only just noticed that the cloth was gone. It must have gotten messed up when I was fighting at some point."

Raine sighed. "Well. There's nothing much we can do about it now." She turned back to Rai, who was staring blankly into space. "Anything else you need to tell us, Rai?"

Is there? he wondered hazily. He was having a hard time separating things that he knew because of his past memories and things that he could feasibly have found out in this life. Not to mention that if the group found out things early, that could change the storyline drastically, and not necessarily for the better. He needed to think about this, later, when his head wasn't killing him. Thankfully his rational voice, which was still in control, was already giving the safe, default answer. "Not that I can think of at the moment. If anything comes to mind, I'll let you know." 

For the next two hours, nobody spoke.

As they continued walking, the atmosphere tense, Lloyd couldn't help but glance back at Rai. The half-elf had acted very oddly earlier. He'd totally frozen after Lloyd had taken care of the Desian, and then put on that blank look that Lloyd now recognized easily from all the times he'd noticed it before. Before the blankness, though, he'd been holding his head as though he were in pain.

He couldn't help but want to understand Rai better. He was curious; he'd seen him wake up from multiple nightmares, and he'd said some very telling things while having them. And then he'd go blank again, just as he had just now; just as he always did when he showed weakness or had something to hide.

He racked his mind for any reason that Rai could have had to act so weirdly just now, but came up with nothing. The half-elf had probably just been shocked by his brush with death. He had almost been killed, after all. That Desian had been ready to deal the killing blow when Lloyd had acted. But still - Rai almost seemed like he was angry at Lloyd. He'd looked at him as if he'd done something wrong, but he couldn't figure out what it was. Shouldn't the half-elf be grateful? He'd said as much, but the gratitude definitely hadn't reached his eyes - on the contrary, the cold look on his face had made Lloyd uncomfortable.

Rai was still blank now, and there was no way to tell what he was thinking. His eyes were empty - they showed absolutely no emotion. It was a bit scary, to be honest.

Lloyd thought back to the most recent nightmare he'd seen Rai have. He'd lied that he hadn't heard anything, but that was just because he could tell that Rai didn't want him to have. In actuality, Lloyd had been pretty taken aback.  He'd woken up to Rai whimpering things in his sleep, like someone was torturing him, though whatever he was saying hadn't made much sense. He'd been shaking like crazy, too. Lloyd had even tried to wake him up with no success. And then the half-elf had started laughing - not just laughing either, but crazily laughing. Like he'd gone totally insane. Still sleeping, though. And then he'd started screaming and woken himself up.

It was after he woke up that he was even scarier, though. He'd gone from screaming with tears leaking out of his eyes to the totally blank, emotionless expression he had on now. All in less than a second.

It was totally unnatural.

But Lloyd knew that there had to be a reason for it - and he was determined to find that reason out.

Chapter Text

When they reached Triet, it was evening. Although the light was starting to fade from the sky, the town bustled with people. They seemed to be mostly locals, milling about the impressively extensive marketplace. There was a stall for anything and everything, with the vendors loudly advertising their wares and calling people to come take a look.

The party, however, was tired, both emotionally and physically. None of the children had the energy to get excited about the products on sale, and Raine herself was no better off. The journey through the desert had been both long and emotionally charged. She was fairly certain that everyone had noticed Rai's odd behavior, even Lloyd. It bothered her that Rai had apparently discovered important information that he had then purposely hidden from her - what could his reasoning have been? Obviously, he cared about their goals and the world regeneration, considering his decision to kill the group of Desians, but then why had he chosen to keep that to himself?

She scolded herself for so quickly listening to his suggestion to kill them - not because she thought he had been wrong, but because she knew he was now holding himself responsible for those deaths. He'd never killed anyone before today, as far as she knew, and she had an inkling that this was at least part of the reason for his odd behavior. She shouldn't have allowed that to be his decision.

And what Lloyd had said had obviously hurt him; on some level, it had hurt even her, although she understood the sentiment. The Desians had killed his mother, after all. Despite that, she had still been shocked by the strength of his willingness to blame every individual Desian for that fact. She supposed that was to be expected of Lloyd, though; he ran through life fueled by emotion, and despite his physical maturity he was still mentally a child in many ways. This wasn't the first time she'd wondered whether he was really ready for a journey like this.

She led the way to a nearby inn. It would probably be best for them to stay the night and tomorrow here, then set off the next day, both to rest and to gather information on the location of the Fire Seal. It was supposedly in the Triet Ruins, which were some distance away from Triet itself, and the journey there was said to be very harsh.

As they made to enter the inn, a man caught her eye out of all the people in the square. He stood out immensely due to his electric blue hair, striking green eyes, and handsome face, but none of those were the reason she'd noticed him.

He was obviously a half-elf.

His mana signature was oddly familiar, and even something about his face niggled at her memory, but to her frustration she couldn't place him at all. He wore a long cloak and a hood that mostly covered his hair, maybe in an attempt to be less conspicuous, but it wasn't very effective. Maybe she was just biased - she could sense his mana signature, after all. Perhaps he wasn't so noticeable to the humans here.

She had paused a little too long. The rest of the group was looking at her questioningly, some attempting to follow her gaze to see what she was looking at. Rai and Genis had probably already noticed the object of her inspection, since they were sure to have sensed him as well. Quickly, she turned and entered the inn.

She made quick work of securing rooms for all of them, handing over the gald reluctantly - it was quite expensive, as expected for such a popular tourist attraction. The high prices meant that Lloyd, Rai, and Kratos would have to share a single room, and that Colette would have to come with her and Genis; they couldn't afford to buy an extra one just for luxury. It was testament to how tired they all were that nobody complained, not even Lloyd.

After warning the children to be careful and not to leave the town - they looked too exhausted to do so, anyway - she retired to the room she, Genis and Colette would share to sort out her books and artifacts. Genis and Colette fell asleep almost immediately on the two beds, and she covered them with a blanket each before moving to continue her work in documenting the monster specimens they'd observed. She had only just started when there came a firm knock on the door, accompanied by a familiar mana signature.

"Come in," she said distractedly, not looking up from the tome she was leafing through. There was a short pause before she heard the door handle open, and then near-silent steps made their way towards her and stopped just short of the desk. After he'd stood in silence for a good five minutes, making it obvious he wasn't going to start the conversation, she finally looked up into his face.

"Rai," she said in greeting. "I've been meaning to talk to you."

Rai disliked the way Raine was looking at him, with pity-filled eyes.

She thought she knew what he was thinking, and probably thought she could help him, or that he was going through some youthful crisis. The look was uncharacteristic for her, as was the soft tone of her voice when she mentioned that she'd been meaning to speak to him. It was likely she wanted to talk about the Renegades he'd killed, but there was nothing to discuss.

He had already come to terms with it; he'd chosen to end the lives of four men, men who might have families and loved ones, for the sake of his own goals. That was what he'd decided, and since it wasn't something he could reverse he'd have to take responsibility for that decision. Raine had better not want him to discuss his feelings about it or something. If she even brought it up, W would probably latch on to the opportunity and resurface. It had taken long enough to beat the annoying voice back into control, and he had no desire to listen to it again.

She looked at him searchingly, like she was trying to figure out what he was thinking, but it was useless. Rai had on his mask, and there was no way anyone would be able to glean anything from his expression. Even Akira was impressed by how thoroughly emotionless Rai was able to make his face. Under most circumstances, nobody could tell what was going through his head if he really wanted to hide it.

...Although it did annoy him that things like the other voices could make that mask crack occasionally. But despite that, he was safe for now. There was no chance that Raine staring at him was going to help her understand him.

So why was she bothering with it, putting on that useless motherly expression that they both knew was fake?

"Were you?" he said finally, keeping his tone neutral. "What for?"

"You know why, Rai," she said gently, still in that annoying voice. She stood up and took his hand.

He wanted to slap her.

What gave her the right to act like a mother or an older sister to him? He was grateful that she'd clothed him and given him a home, but it was nothing more or less than that. They'd never had a sibling relationship, and she'd always acted distant and unsettled around him.

Did she really think that she could fool him into believing she cared?

He pulled his arm out of her grasp and turned his head away slightly, not wanting to look at her expression.

"No, actually. I'm not sure. Would you care to enlighten me?"

She sighed. "Rai - do you want to talk about it?"

He decided there was no point in feigning ignorance any further. "No," he said bluntly, turning back to look at her firmly. "Now if that's over with, there's something I wanted to ask you."

She looked sad, and as if she didn't believe him. Fury sparked within him at that, but he forced himself to control his body language and move on.

"I need your advice on something. Actually, I'm thinking about picking up a weapon to train with. In that last battle, I would have been killed by a Desian if Lloyd hadn't stepped in. Although I can cast magic relatively quickly, it's still not the most ideal when I'm one on one in a close-combat situation. What do you think?"

"Yes, I was actually meaning to ask you about that as well," Raine said, placing a hand on her hip, and to his relief her voice had gone back to its normal sharpness. "For a weapon, I recommend you use a sword. It's the most simple option if you want to be able to defend yourself at close range. Learning how to use it effectively will be the difficult part, but perhaps you can get Kratos to teach you. He does seem oddly friendly towards you, after all." The last comment was said pointedly, as if she expected him to say something in his defense, but he didn't take the bait.

"I see. That's what I was thinking as well. Thanks." He paused, then remembered what else he had meant to ask her. "Did you know that half-elf in the square earlier?" It had been Yuan, of course. Rai had recognized him instantly - but what was more worrying was that Raine had also seemed to know who he was. Was she supposed to know him? He must be missing something.

She looked surprised, but not defensive. "You noticed? Yes, he seemed very familiar, but I don't think I know anyone who matches his description. He was certainly very unique. His eye color was...well, I suppose it's not that rare, your eyes are green too, come to think of it...maybe it isn't that odd for a half-elf after all..."

He wondered why she had thought him familiar. "Are you sure you haven't seen him before?"

She continued muttering to herself and studying his features, seemingly not hearing him. "Come to think of it, your hair is also slightly blue, despite being close to white. His was extraordinarily blue, though...It certainly brings up questions about the usual coloring of half-elves...I hadn't thought blue hair was very common, although I suppose I haven't seen many other half-elves in person...I do know that elves often have green hair, but..."

He groaned a little. "Raine..."

She seemed to snap out of her reverie. "Ah...no, I don't believe I have seen him, though I can't be sure. His face and his mana signature were both oddly familiar, though." She sounded puzzled, and honest enough. He furrowed his brow, thinking about what he knew from the game. Was Raine supposed to have seen Yuan in her past?

"Ah, yes! There's something else I've been meaning to ask," she said suddenly, snapping her fingers. "Your use of magic is...interesting, to say the least. When I taught you and Genis magic when you were toddlers, you eventually refused to practice in front of us and would go off to cast on your own. I respected that, but now that I've seen you use it for the first time in years, I've noticed that you're not doing it the same way I taught you. Where did you learn it?"

He'd been expecting her to ask this eventually. "Nowhere in particular," he said evasively. "I was just experimenting with it on my own. I realized that imagining the mana the way you told me wasn't working well. I couldn't do it as fast as Genis could. But when I tried it a different way, it worked better, although the spells looked a bit different. That's all there is to it." It was the truth, though highly abridged.

She just stared at him, unsatisfied. "But what about incantations? You didn't seem to use any in that last battle. As far as I've learned, using those words is necessary to focus your magic."

"I've been experimenting with nonverbal spells for years now. It just takes concentration."

Her eyes widened in shock. "Rai! That's exceedingly dangerous! If it had gone even slightly wrong you could have been injured or killed!"

He felt a stab of annoyance. Did she really think he couldn't take care of himself at all? Of course he had been careful! "Well, I'm still here now, aren't I?" he snapped, allowing some of his anger to seep into his words. "Don't pretend you haven't thought about it."

"I have taken extensive notes on how it could be accomplished," she admitted, "and have done some controlled experiments, but they weren't very successful." He felt a bit smug at that, but she continued sternly, "However, I haven't actually tried it with combat spells - it is extremely dangerous. I expected better of you, Rai."

The fury was back. "You don't know me at all, do you, Raine?" he sneered, ignoring the shock and hurt in her eyes. "Do you really think I just tried it one day, without preparing or thinking about it at all? It took me a full year just to cast my first combat spell non-verbally, simply because I was extremely careful. Don't patronize me. I've read every book you have on spell theory; I know just as much about it as you do. Probably more, actually, since I have the nerve to try things instead of just reading about them in books - "

She slapped him. Hard. His neck ached from the recoil and he brought his hand to his throbbing cheek, dazed. It had been years since she had hit him.

"There is a limit to how much rudeness I can tolerate," she said coldly. "I've been lax lately, but I think it's doing more harm than good. Do I really have to spell it out? Rai - I'm acting this way because I care about you. You're my brother - "

"No, I'm not!" he interrupted. "I'm just some half-elf child you felt sorry for and took in one day - something you regretted every day afterwards! I've seen the way you look at me, like you're scared of me or like I'm crazy. Don't even try to pretend!" He couldn't believe this, couldn't believe that she was actually deluding herself into thinking they were siblings. Did she do it to make herself feel better? She didn't deserve that peace of mind. After all, it wasn't like he allowed it to himself. Her mouth was hanging open, and she seemed temporarily speechless.

"Rai - I - " she stammered pathetically. The guilt in her voice was palpable.

She wasn't even trying to deny it.

He turned on his heel and left the room.

"GAH!"

Lloyd slammed his fist on the table, ignoring the jolt of pain that shot up his arm. From the corner, Kratos shot him an annoyed look, then got up and left the room. Lloyd had forgotten that the prickly mercenary had even been there. Still, this was so annoying...

He'd only realized just now when he'd felt something in his pocket while changing that he'd forgotten to give Colette her birthday present. Not only that, but the necklace was broken, meaning he'd have to fix it up again...and he was supposed to have given it to her such a long time ago...

He struggled with the necklace for a few more minutes before finally giving up for the night. It was no use; he was just too tired from the journey, and his normally skilled fingers weren't cooperating with him. Drained, he removed his gloves and fell back onto the bed he was meant to share with Rai, who was still in the bath (although one of them would probably end up having to sleep on the floor, since apparently Rai was weird about stuff like that).

When they'd gotten to the inn, Genis and Colette had wanted to sleep, so they'd gone into their room with Raine. Come to think of it, both of them had been acting oddly, but Lloyd was too tired right now to even take a stab at why that might be.

Rai had left soon after, saying he needed to talk to Raine, and Lloyd had been stuck with Kratos. He'd tried to talk to the other swordsman, but Kratos hadn't been very receptive, so he'd settled for trying to fix the necklace. At some point Rai had returned, looking furious, but he'd disappeared into the bath before Lloyd could ask him what was wrong.

The inn they were staying at provided complementary bathing, and sufficient bathwater had been provided in an attached room, so Lloyd was looking forward to taking his turn. After the long trek through the desert, he felt absolutely disgusting.

As he lay there, listening to the splashes from the other room, he couldn't help but think back to how oddly Rai had been acting all day. After they'd fought those Desians, mainly.

It frustrated Lloyd that he couldn't understand it. Usually, he was really good at figuring out when his friends were upset and why, but Rai was a lot more difficult to read than Genis or Colette or even the Professor. There would be times when he thought he understood the inscrutable half-elf, but then Rai would say or do something and Lloyd would be back at square zero again.

Come to think of it, sometimes Rai's behavior reminded him of Kratos. The mercenary just looked either blank or angry all the time; Rai was pretty much the same way, although Lloyd was marginally better at reading the half-elf simply because he'd had more time with him.

He glanced over as the door was pushed open and Rai emerged, a towel thrown casually over his head. His hair, which normally looked white, was pale blue against the paper-white of the towel and his torso was bare, showing well-defined muscle despite his thin frame.

Lloyd wondered, not for the first time, how Rai was still so pale even after spending so much time in the sun. He supposed it might have something to do with his elven blood. The black clothes he was always wearing only made his skin look even lighter in comparison; even now, the shorts that hung low on his hips were jet-black.

Thankfully, the half-elf looked much calmer now. He was hard to deal with when he was angry, so Lloyd hoped he'd gotten over whatever had upset him before. He probably shouldn't ask about it now. Instead he stood and started walking towards the bathroom. "So how are the facilities?"

Rai's green eyes flashed with something that might have been amusement as he finished drying his hair and dropped the towel around his neck. "I'm surprised you know that word. You're definitely not as stupid as Raine thinks you are."

Lloyd laughed a little and raised a hand to the back of his head sheepishly, wondering if he should be offended. "Yeah, well... I just hate schoolwork."

"That's pretty obvious. Did you get anywhere with that necklace?" Rai walked over and sat down on the bed, glancing at the table where the broken present lay.

"You noticed, huh?"

"Obviously," came the reply. Lloyd thought he detected a slight note of annoyance in his voice, but in the next moment it was gone as Rai said teasingly, "It's for Colette, right? You forgot to give it to her before?"

He flushed a little. "Yeah..."

Rai's expression turned more serious. "Did you get anywhere with her, though?"

"W-what?"

"Get your mind out of the gutter, Lloyd! I mean, did you get her to open up to you about what was upsetting her?"

He felt a flash of embarrassment at his misunderstanding. "Ah...yeah, I did ask her what was wrong. She just said she was nervous about the Journey. I know there's more to it, but I didn't want to press her. She got really sad about it..."

"She'll open up eventually. Like I said before, Colette cares about you a lot."

"Yeah..."

"So...just curious. I know you care about her, but you do like her in a romantic sense, right? I thought I saw some jealousy the other day..."

Despite himself, he felt the blush creep up again. "Well...I don't...I mean..." He cursed inwardly. Why was he acting so stupid?

Rai was actually smirking now, which was a bit of a shock since he usually looked so irritated. "Let me be more specific. Do you find her attractive?"

How had this come up, anyway? "I mean, she's...cute...?" he stammered. He'd never talked to anyone about anything like this, and he wasn't about to start now.

Rai had an evil glint in his eye. Lloyd took half a step back without knowing why. He was pretty sure he wasn't going to like whatever the other boy was going to ask next.

"I mean are you sexually attracted to her?"

"Huh? Sexually...attracted?" It wasn't a phrase he'd heard before.

Rai looked exasperated now. "Lloyd. You do know what sex is, right?"

"W-what?! You were talking about that?" He remembered the word from when Dad had taken him aside one day when he was twelve. That conversation had been extremely awkward, so he'd tried (mostly unsuccessfully) to forget as much of it as he could. "Ew..."

"'Ew'?!" Rai looked pitying now. "Lloyd, aren't you supposed to be older than me? You're so innocent that I almost feel bad for you..."

"H-hey!" He was pretty sure that was an insult. Rai just shook his head at him, but his eyes were amused.

"I give up, you're a lost cause. Anyway, to answer your earlier question about the facilities, the bathwater is okay, though a little on the chilly side. Just pour as much as you need into the tub, and leave enough for Kratos. They have separate cleansers for your hair and your body, and there are some washcloths and a good number of towels. Knock yourself out."

"W-what? Why would I want to do that?"

"It's an expression, idiot. I mean...go enjoy your bath."

Chapter Text

Rai sighed and lay back on the bed, putting the towel aside and staring at the ceiling. The bath had cooled him down quite a bit, and now he was regretting how harshly he had talked to Raine. It had all been true, but there had been no need to go that far. He'd lost his temper completely. He should probably apologize...but still, she had slapped him…

On another note, he felt more than a little incredulity as he recalled the conversation with Lloyd just now. It was true that the game had characterized him that way, but still...Lloyd was a seventeen year old boy. There was no way he was actually as innocent as he seemed. 

It was kind of cute though.

Did you just say what I thought you said? Akira said gleefully. Rai sighed.

Not in a romantic sense, Akira. I mean that he's like a little kid.

...Oh.

In this life, Rai had made the transition to adulthood at around eight. This was pretty early, but he supposed it might have something to do with his half-elf nature. Since he was a mix between what must biologically be two different subspecies at the very least, he was bound to have some odd characteristics depending on how the different genes had ended up mixing. However, the process had been a bit different than it was for humans. 

Although his voice had changed, he'd grown no body hair, not even on his face, and had retained the slender frame that most elves had despite the fact that many half-elves had more human-like physiques. He supposed it all depended on which genes one inherited from his elf and human sides, though he ached to test that. With so few half-elves to look at, though, there was no way he could.

He had grown quite a bit taller at that time, although he suspected that he still hadn't reached his adult height. Currently he was only about as tall as Lloyd at five feet eight. He'd also received a generous boost to his mana and his ability to control it, which had been a welcome change. And he'd experienced sexual development, of course. Due to his memories from his previous life, none of that had been particularly tumultuous for him. He had, however, been intrigued by the incongruency between his experience and his memories. 

Now that he'd discovered Akira's presence, he was starting to realize that what he could remember wasn't determined by his current age, but by some other, less obvious factors. After all, he'd just remembered something in a nightmare from when Akira had obviously been in his twenties, and ever since had obtained even more random memories, often in his sleep but just as frequently while awake. He often wouldn't even realize when something was remembered; it would just come to mind at some point, and then he'd realize he'd never thought about that particular memory before.

At any rate, from what he could remember Akira had been pretty experimental sexually. Actually, he was beginning to get the sense that his past self had generally been a pretty messed up person, and although Rai hadn't admitted as much to Akira outright, he knew that the other must have some idea of his thoughts. Occupational hazard of not only sharing the same brain but also being the same person…

Akira had been so far ahead intellectually due to his near-photographic memory and quick learning that standardized academics had largely failed to keep his interest. He'd researched and studied at home, but resented the fact that he was forced to attend classes he considered unnecessary. He hadn't made a single close friend throughout his life due to his closed-off nature, and despite talking to many people, he'd never fully opened up to anyone. Rai suspected there might be some trauma rooted in his early years, but his memories of Akira's early childhood were sparse so far.

Although Akira hadn't been a sociopath - he hadn't been incapable of empathizing with others - his emotional capacity had been very small, and his childhood hadn't helped. It seemed he'd just never trusted anyone other than maybe his adoptive parents to some degree. However, Akira had experimented with how to act socially, faking emotions he didn't feel and playing games to see how far he could manipulate people. ...Which definitely sounded pretty sociopathic, but hey, who was Rai to judge? This was his past self, after all.

At any rate, Akira had dated many people and had bedded both men and women, often older than him, but he hadn't felt anything more than curiosity or a passing interest in a single one of those partners. After sleeping with them, he'd have nothing to do with them after. It seemed the only place where Akira could be himself had been the dojo where he'd practiced karate. The master there had been a Japanese man who was fond of Akira and had taken him under his wing. And on the subject of martial arts…

Rai sat back up, examining his pale, long-fingered hands. They were smooth and unmarred, but he knew they wouldn't stay that way if he started to spar with a sword. It might help that Akira had used a katana many times, but that would only be helpful with figuring out what to do mentally; the muscle memory would have to be developed anew, since in this body he had never engaged in that kind of activity. He really should also train directly in the style Akira had been so adept with, if his past self complied.

You're thinking about me a lot today.

He jolted a bit, startled at Akira's sudden presence. So will you help out?

It'll give me something to do, at least. It gets a bit boring for me, you know, just sitting around in your head with nobody to talk to but you…

Thanks, Rai said quickly, ignoring the jab. He didn't want Akira to get any funny ideas, such as trying to take over Rai's body just to assuage his boredom. That wouldn't end well.

You can relax a bit.

What?

I know you're worried about my being able to hear your thoughts, but the truth is I can't actually hear all of them, especially those you consciously try to hide. I can hear a good part of what the other voices say, and flashes of what you think and feel, but just now for example I didn't get anything from you except a bit of worry. It was something you didn't want me hearing, am I right?

Well…

It's fine. I definitely have thoughts I don't want you hearing, Akira said darkly. Rai wondered about that for a moment, then decided he didn't want to hear them.

Still, what if Akira was only saying this to lull him into a false sense of security?

I can tell you're still worrying. Stop thinking about it, brat.

I...whatever...Didn't that just make it even more likely Akira knew what he was thinking? This two-people-in-one-body thing was getting kind of annoying.

You know, that reminds me...you need to get laid.

…

That was definitely one way to change the subject.

What? Stop projecting that disbelief! I'm serious!

...I know you are, Akira. That's the sad thing.

No, really! It would help release stress, and maybe you wouldn't be such a pain all the time…

I'm flattered.

That didn't come out right...but anyway, come on, do you plan to just keep doing it for yourself in dark corners for the rest of your life? By yourself? Alone?

Dark corners? he thought, amused at Akira's dramatics. Look, I'm only fourteen. And not only that, but who exactly are you expecting me to proposition, Akira? My sister? Colette? Even you can't think I would consider that.

What about Lloyd?

Had Akira gone mad? Or - wait, he'd been mad already, right. 

Akira, that's an amazingly stupid idea. Not only is Lloyd possibly related to me and male, he's also...wait, did you not pay attention to that conversation earlier?

The other sounded smug now. Who cares about what-ifs? We could take that innocent boy and teach him a few things.

Urgh.

Sometimes Rai genuinely worried about the mental stability of his past self, and what that said about him, considering they were supposedly the same person. 

You're sick. Count me out of your ridiculous fantasies, he thought angrily after a pause of disgust. And stop calling him a child. He's older than I am, so what does that make me?

You're a brat, I thought we established that already.

Doesn't that seem a bit weird to you? You want... He paused in disgust, realizing what he was about to say. Actually, never mind, don't answer that. I'm done with this.

No, wait -

Rai stood up and stretched, refusing to acknowledge anything else Akira said, and after a few moments his past self subsided with a disgruntled air.

At length, it occurred to him that Kratos was supposed to share this room with them as well, but he was nowhere to be seen. That reminded him - his future voice had hit upon a possibility to prepare for his potentially sharing that genetic disease with Akira. It had suggested that if he could obtain a Cruxis crystal and become an angel, he might be able to prevent himself from aging and thus also prevent any onset of the disease. Not only that, but by stopping his body's internal clock, he could achieve near-immortality as well. And conveniently, he still had that favor to ask Kratos, so he could try to coerce the angel into procuring a Cruxis crystal for him.

He scanned the room for something he could put on, but his only choice was the black half-shirt he'd been wearing all day, and it was dusty and smelly. Then his eyes fell on a clean black tank top of Lloyd's. Hopefully Lloyd wouldn't mind if he borrowed that. Quickly, he shrugged it on and, after a short deliberation, threw on the black cloak he'd been wearing earlier and strode out of the room, ignoring the chill. The sun had already set outside, so now the desert town was uncomfortably cold instead of being unbearably hot, but he'd survive for a few minutes outside, long enough to find Kratos.

As he emerged from the inn, he suddenly remembered that Yuan had been in town only an hour ago. Was he still here somewhere? It was probably best not to come into contact with him, just for the sake of not changing the course of events...but could it be that Kratos had gone to meet him? The angel had probably noticed his friend of more than four thousand years, after all.

Well, of course he did, said Akira sarcastically. Rai ignored him.

He did, confirmed CO. I noticed him looking at him oddly when Raine was, though only for a split second. I reported it at the time, but you were ignoring me. This last was said pointedly.

If they were together now, where were they? They could be miles away by now, Rai realized; after all, both were angels and had wings, and flying was faster than walking, so even if Kratos was alone there was no guarantee Rai could find him. Not only that, but weren't angels unable to feel the cold? ...Or had that just been Colette? He supposed he'd look around Triet a bit just in case.

As he walked around the small town, he was very glad that his hair had already dried. The cold wind was unrelenting, and the townspeople who were still out and about were now dressed much more warmly. Obviously, the locals were prepared for the harsh temperature changes of the desert's day and night cycle. The marketplace was still open, although some of the stalls (mostly food vendors) were starting to close. He meandered by, looking at the wares. CO was giving him every detail, and he actually paid some attention to it for once.

...and there's a shop where you can get your ears pierced, with earrings that may have certain magical properties. The structure of the stall…

Wait, said Akira over CO's continued reports. Hey, Rai, look - you can get your ears pierced for free! Wow, it would be stupid not to do it!

Rai was about to reject the idea, mostly because Akira had been the one to suggest it, but his curiosity was piqued by the promise of magical enhancement. He supposed he could take a look at what they were selling specifically. He approached slowly, and the vendor noticed him and lit up with a smile.

"Welcome, young sir! Would you like to purchase any earrings or other amulets? With earrings, you get them pierced into your ears free of charge!"

Earrings would probably be best, since there was less chance of them being lost.

"What do you have?" Rai asked, leaning forward to look at the variety. "I'm considering earrings - anything that will enhance my magic?"

"Ah - you have...magic?"

Rai realized why the shopkeeper was uncertain and dropped his hood, revealing his angular features, pale hair and long ears. "I'm an elf, you see." It was useful to look nearly indistinguishable from an elf, especially since none of the humans here were very familiar with the difference. The only physical distinguishing factor between him and a full elf was his eye color; vibrant green was an unusual color found mainly in half-elves, and was somewhat on the rare side even then.

Excitement lit up the man's eyes. "Oh, I see! I've never met one before - I'd thought you were all extinct - oh, I'm so sorry, that was rude of me - "

"It's fine." Rai waved his concern away. "I suppose you don't have anything to enhance mana control, then?"

"Actually, I do! I happen to have a few things in stock, although they're a bit pricey, hard to obtain, you know...because they sometimes come looking for things, and I can hardly refuse them..." He laughed nervously as he turned to rummage with his supplies. Rai could guess that "they" was probably meant to refer to the Desians.

The man faced him with another genuine smile. "But since you're an elf, good sir, I'll give you this service for free! I never thought I would meet one of your noble kind in person!"

He felt an unreasonable spark of irritation, but forced himself to smile back at the man as he showed him the different earrings. Eventually he decided on a pair of silver ones that enhanced both his magical defense and attack by giving him enhanced mana control. He suspected the item was expensive, and he did have a few thousand gald stashed in the inside pocket of his cloak, but he certainly didn't want to refuse the chance to get it for free.

Five minutes later he left with both the new accessories and the man's admiring comments in his ears, feeling oddly like an imposter.

You're pretty much like an elf from the outside, so it's as if the guy met a real one anyway. It wouldn't have made a difference for him.

Rai's unease cleared. You're right.

W seemed to be protesting from its corner, but as usual he didn't bother to consider what it was saying, and after a few moments it subsided.

It was an interesting point, though, he thought as he walked. Why did he look so uncannily like an elf? If his parents were an elf and a human, that should be impossible, because half his genes had to come from the human. From what he knew about his parentage - no, from what he thought he knew about his parentage, it wasn't like he had any solid proof that Kratos was really his father - but if he was, then his mother must have been either an elf or a half-elf. If she was a half-elf, she must have been a very elf-like cross between two half-elves. But even then, with his mother being at most a pure-blooded elf, he couldn't see any possible way for her and Kratos - a human - to produce someone like Rai, at least not if genetics worked the same way here as they had in his old life. Something like body morphology was insanely polymorphic; if one parent was a pure-blooded human, there would be no way for Rai to escape at least somewhat resembling a human physically, because half his genes had to come from his father. Even just looking at something like height, a simplified model would be that half the genes came from the mother and half from the father and that the phenotypic effect was additive; the more 'tall' genes you got, the taller you were. But height was something that didn't matter for looking elf-like or human-like (because although elves were shorter on average, it wasn't unheard of for some of them to be tall). Other traits for body shape and stature were even more complicated. How could Kratos, a human, have produced a child that looked physically just like an elf?

The more he thought about it, the more the feeling of dread inside him intensified. In annoyance, he directed his attention inward, wanting to figure out why he was feeling this way, and realized it was fear of not knowing. He didn't want to go from knowing the identity of one parent to having no idea who his parents were; he hated not having control of and knowledge about his life. Realizing that something he'd believed was wrong would be stressful for him. Because of that, it seemed he didn't want to find out that Kratos wasn't his father. But that was stupid. If Kratos wasn't his father, that was what Rai should believe; conversely, if Kratos was actually his father, that was what Rai should believe. The truth was still the truth. Accepting it didn't make it any better or worse - it just meant you were in the know.

Okay, what were the chances that Kratos was his father after all? The only way he could justify that being the case was that either genetics in this world were drastically different, or Kratos himself actually wasn't a pure-blooded human. He had the impulse to reject the second possibility immediately, since he could sense Kratos's mana signature and it was definitively human, but he couldn't rule out the possibility that Kratos had some way to mask that.

There was no point in confronting Kratos about it immediately, however. He still had that favor to ask him, so it was probably better not to bring something like that up now, even though not knowing left an uneasy feeling in his gut. Even if he did ask Kratos, he argued to himself, there was no guarantee that the man would actually tell the truth. And if he really was Rai's biological father, there was the possibility of him being hurt by Rai's questioning of that, so he should definitely wait until at least after he cashed in that favor.

Either way, regardless of whether they were blood-related, it wasn't like he had anyone else. Kratos was the closest thing he had to a father, even if he had only raised him for four years.

He passed by a few stalls selling weapons and almost went to look at the swords, but decided against it; he should come back with someone more familiar with them, like Kratos, before he committed to a purchase. In fact he should probably also make sure he could convince Kratos to train him. Without the ability to use it, any sword he bought would only be useless dead weight.

At some point in his exploration of the city, he rounded a corner in an isolated area and stopped. Kratos glanced over from where he was reclining against a wall, then turned his gaze back to the sky without acknowledging Rai. After a moment of hesitation, Rai walked forward and slid into place next to him. "I have something to ask you."

Kratos still said nothing, so Rai continued, "I think I should learn how to use a sword. What do you think?"

There was an oddly charged silence. Neither of them moved a muscle, although Rai had no idea where the tension in the air was coming from. Finally the older man said sharply, "Are you sure you didn't already learn that from whomever taught you hand-to-hand combat?"

Somehow - stupidly - he'd forgotten that Kratos had been suspicious about that. "I told you," he said tiredly over CO's berating comments (I just reminded you two seconds ago!). "I have no idea what happened back - " He stopped, taking in Kratos's disbelieving eyes, and felt a wave of irritation. Obviously, the blind idiot wasn't going to believe the truth no matter how many times Rai insisted on it, so there was no point in trying any further. "Fine. Suppose I did secretly learn it from somewhere - no, they did not also teach me the art of the sword, and I'm sure you'd agree that hand-to-hand combat isn't very useful against monsters or armored opponents like the Desians."

"So you admit that you did learn a secret martial art style from someone?"

"I admit nothing of the sort, if you'll recall what I just said," Rai said coldly. "But hypothetically, if I had such a teacher, I would not disclose their identity to you."

Silence.

"But why not?"

"Why would I?"

More silence.

Finally Kratos said, "I suppose you intend to make your favor to me about sword training, then?"

"Certainly not," he said quickly. "The favor is entirely separate. I only wished to ask your opinion on my learning to wield a sword."

"Separate? Then what could you possibly..." Kratos looked extremely tired. "Never mind. Well, I would usually advise you to become an archer, since you would probably excel at that, but that still wouldn't help you if attacked at extremely close quarters. You could use something like a spear, but since it's tricky to use and there are no lancers in our party to train you, I suppose a sword is best."

"Would it be possible to train with both arrows and a sword?"

"I suggest you stick to one for now, Rai. Once you become proficient with the sword, then you can turn your attention to other weapons."

He supposed he should take the expert's word for it. "Will you train me, then?"

"Why should I?" Kratos shot back at him, eyes gleaming. "I recall you saying this wasn't the favor, so I have no reason to agree."

Rai couldn't help but see this as unfair. Kratos had offered to train Lloyd in the game..."You wouldn't even do this much for your own son?" Even if I'm not his real son, he still has to pretend I am…

Kratos stared back at him impassively for a few seconds. "You can't use emotional blackmail for everything, Rai. But...fine, I suppose there isn't any reason not to train you - when I have time. Finishing our mission is more important."

"Why do you care how quickly we finish the mission? Aren't you just a mercenary who's getting paid to keep the Chosen safe?"

"Yes, so of course I want to finish this job in good time so I can start the next, since this is my living."

That...made absolutely no sense. Of course Rai knew very well that Kratos wasn't really a mercenary, and Kratos probably knew that Rai knew that, but if he had been a mercenary he should have wanted to drag out the job for some time, since he was currently living on Phaidra's money for as long as he was protecting the Chosen. Not only that, but why would a mercenary want to finish jobs quickly so they could start the next job? That was circular reasoning, it was like they were hurrying through life taking job after job for no end reason. It would only make sense if they had some sort of quota of jobs to finish or something.

Rai knew better than to continue arguing with Kratos about it.

"Fine. Then can you help me pick one out tomorrow before we leave, considering I know next to nothing about swords?"

"...I suppose," sighed Kratos. "Why did I agree to this, again?"

"Because emotional blackmail tends to be effective even when the subject is aware of it," Rai said smugly. "As for the favor..."

"You want to ask it now?"

"If I remember correctly, you're one of the Four Seraphim."

Kratos glanced around warily. "I ask that you not make statements like that aloud in the future."

"So you should be capable of obtaining a Cruxis Crystal, right?"

The angel's gaze grew suspicious as he looked back at Rai, searching his expression. "Why?"

"Would it be possible for me to undergo the angel transformation? And what would be the effects on me if I did?"

Kratos's eyes widened in shock. "You would want to become an angel yourself? After - after he - "

Damn, this must have something to do with whatever important memory Rai had supposedly remembered but hadn't really. "I think it is best for me to face my weaknesses now," he invented smoothly, allowing a note of pain to enter his voice, "and not let them drag me down." That was vague enough, I hope…

Kratos was still looking at him oddly, but he said, "Rai, the angel transformation isn't something to be taken lightly. It's true that by use of a key crest you can avoid the loss of your soul, but not all the side effects are suppressed, and they vary to some degree from person to person."

"What are the common ones, then?"

Kratos looked a bit uncomfortable. "The angel transformation works differently for half-elves than for humans. For both, superhuman strength and the ability to fly is obtained, as well as extremely keen hearing and vision - note that these can be used against you as well - but the deleterious side effects are much more severe..."

"Yes, so like I asked, what are they?"

Kratos shot him a stern look, but continued anyway. "For humans, the ability to sleep is lost, as is the ability to feel most pain or extreme temperatures. Using a key crest usually suppresses the other symptoms, such as being unable to taste food, losing the ability to speak and of course losing one's soul and memories. It's fairly straightforward. For half-elves, however, it's actually quite a bit different." He paused, glancing at Rai's look of rapt attention, then continued, "Half-elves also seem to lose the ability to sleep in most cases, and their bodies are able to withstand more extreme conditions of heat and cold. However, they can still feel pain just as strongly as ever, though they heal faster, and they permanently lose their sense of taste regardless of whether there is a key crest. Also, the Cruxis crystal often seems to have some added mental effects which aren't fully averted by equipping a key crest. That part isn't very well understood, but from what I know it appears to rigidify one's natural thinking. A stubborn person will become even more stubborn, a selfish person will become even more selfish. It may cause other effects depending on the person. And although I have no proof for this, I have reason to believe that it affects happiness and stress as well."

"You're saying the angel transformation causes depression and mental rigidity in half-elves?"

Kratos didn't say anything for a few moments. Then, "I'm not saying it causes it, it's simply...something I've observed."

Rai mulled over this for a few minutes. It still seemed like the pros would mostly outweigh the cons, but it was a bit disconcerting that they weren't sure of the extent of the mental effects. He supposed as long as it didn't make you go insane...but then, wasn't Mithos a bit off? Although that could probably be attributed to being rejected by the people he had saved, splitting the world in two and becoming its god, and then obsessively planning to resurrect his dead sister for over four thousand years afterward. Rai had a feeling that anyone would be a little weird after all that.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

"Has the angel transformation ever been tried with elves?"

Kratos looked surprised. "No."

"Never? Not even as an experiment to try to figure out how it works?"

"No."

...He should have expected this. Of course he was the only sane person around, why should anybody else have common sense? Especially not four thousand year-old heroes.

"Were any experiments tried to get an idea of what the effects really are, what determines them, or why they're different between half-elves and humans? For example, do you recall any data about how the effects differed depending on the amount of elf and human blood an individual had?"

"No. A group of half-elves initially underwent the transformation, but since they're near-immortal nobody else has become an angel since then, and I'm not sure of their specific parentage."

"...So nobody wanted to, I don't know, test what these mental detriments might be? None of the leaders of Cruxis were perturbed at the idea of having their brains affected?"

Kratos was just looking at him unfathomably. "They've already become angels at this point, and they didn't know about possible mental effects beforehand."

Rai realized it was futile. How did these people even develop something like the angel transformation in the first place?  "...Okay fine, moving on. Will the transformation just freeze my biological clock where it is now - that is, would I stay fourteen forever?"

The angel hesitated. Eventually he conceded, "I believe so. That is why I advise you not to take this path."

"How much would it slow my growth? Would it be frozen indefinitely?"

"It's not entirely known," Kratos said dryly, "but know this: I am still physically around twenty even thousands of years after my transformation."

Oh, right - this was supposed to be new information, how old Kratos really was. Rai's face showed shock, which was quickly masked just as it would have been if he were truly ignorant. Then, after pausing for an appropriate interval, he asked, "Is there any way to temporarily speed up my development? It wouldn't matter if I underwent the angel transformation afterward."

"Don't you think your companions would notice if you suddenly aged several years?"

"Not if I made it just gradual enough to be believable. What's wrong with having a growth spurt? Oh, and one last question. Will it change my mana signature?"

"...Only subtly. To people who know you, it will seem slightly different, but they'll probably be unable to determine exactly why and may write it off. The difference is only obvious when you know what to look for."

"Okay. Will you look into this for me, then? A Cruxis crystal, its possible effects, and a possible way to speed up my development?"

Kratos sighed in resignation. "I'll...look into it. But why are you so determined to become an angel, Rai?"

He'd anticipated this question and decided that semi-truth wouldn't be too damaging in this case. "Why wouldn't I want to? Superhuman strength, flight, better senses, a hugely lengthened lifespan?"

"You're doing this for power?"

"If you want to put it that way...yes, I suppose. Maybe a better description would be...survival?" I'm actually telling the truth this time. Wow.

Gold medal for you, brat.

There was a short silence.

"...Why am I having a hard time believing you?"

"I have no idea whatsoever."

Chapter Text

"'Kaa-san, why are you marrying him? I don't want him to be my father..."

The ensuing slap resounded throughout the room, and the young child stared up at his mother through teary black eyes.

"Shut up, you ungrateful brat! You should just be thankful that he even wants to marry me, when I have you. And don't you appreciate that I've had the generosity to take care of you all these years? I should have just put you in an orphanage when your beast of a father ran out." The woman's beautiful features were marred with a sneer as she added under her breath, "You look just like Ryo, with that uselessly pretty face and those hateful eyes. You're his son, not mine. Even your name is his."

The child failed to stop his tears. Why didn't you send me to an orphanage, then? he wanted to ask but didn't dare. I would probably have been better off. Then, as the sound of heavy footsteps came from the hallway, the boy shrank back in fear. A few moments later, his new stepfather stepped into the room, his face contorted in an ugly scowl.

"Keiko? Is the brat giving you trouble again?" The man spoke in his native Japanese, but when he turned to the boy he switched to accented English. "You need more discipline, no? Ryoichi?"

The boy shook his head frantically. No, no, no..."I'm s-s-sorry," he stammered. "I'll be good, so please, please..."

There was the click of the man removing his belt, and then the boy was caught by the arm as he tried to escape. His screams filled the air, and in a last attempt at escape he appealed to the other person in the room. "Okaa-sama! Please! Please save me!" He screamed. She stared back at him disgustedly.

"Your father is right, Ryoichi. You need more discipline if you're to learn not to question your parents."

"Please, Okaa-sama! I was wrong! I'll be good from now on, save me!" he sobbed, as the buckle tore into his back.

Keiko turned and left the room, ignoring her son's screams.

Rai jolted back into reality mid-sob, shaking uncontrollably. Although it had been a dream, the pain and fear had been real, as had the feelings of helplessness and betrayal. In his mind, Akira was silent, and so were most of the other voices, like they were too shocked to say anything. His surroundings were a blur and his ears felt blocked.

He closed his eyes, trying to calm himself and remember when and where he was. Telling himself that it had been only a dream didn't help, because he knew it hadn't been just a dream. It had been a memory.

That had actually happened to him in a past life, and he didn't know how Akira had possibly gotten through it sane. He hasn't, whispered a voice in his mind. Does he really seem sane to you?

As he gradually brought his breathing under control and his senses started working again, he realized with a jolt that he was pressed up against another person. Immediately he tried to pull away, but the arms wrapped around him put up resistance. Then the person stirred and the embrace loosened.

"Rai? Are you awake?"

He wasn't sure what to say. Why had Lloyd been hugging him in his sleep? Not only that, but why had Lloyd been present to witness another nightmare? Just his luck...shit, was Kratos in the room, too? He sat up quickly and swiped away the tears still on his cheeks. Upon cursory examination, it seemed he and Lloyd had been sharing a bed even though Lloyd had been supposed to be on the floor, and Kratos was mercifully absent. It was still dark outside, so obviously it wasn't daytime yet.

"Rai?"

The question reminded him of Lloyd's presence and he looked back at the swordsman, who was inexplicably shirtless. Oh, right, last night I took the shirt he usually sleeps in. I'm still wearing it for some reason. Get yourself together…

He coughed a bit, not trusting his voice. "Um...sorry. Wha - what happened?"

Lloyd ignored the question, moving forward slightly and inspecting Rai's face. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he responded, a little awkwardly. "Look, can you please explain?"

"Oh, sorry. Okay, well...you woke me up at some point, screaming in your sleep. Seemed like you were having another nightmare, so I tried to wake you up, but you wouldn't wake, and then you, uh...started crying and, um..."

Rai could feel utter mortification and dread flooding him, but he forced himself to speak. "And?"

Lloyd sighed and ruffled his brown hair. "I guess I'll just tell you. You were... ah...calling for your mom, I think? At first, anyway," he added quickly. "Then you started speaking some other language, it sounded like, or maybe it was just random gibberish. Anyway, you just wouldn't wake up, and you were flailing around everywhere, so I kind of...grabbed ahold of you, to calm you down..." He coughed awkwardly. "Anyway, it took a while for you to stop, so I was almost asleep again by the time  you woke up just now. Uh, sorry about that."

Rai sighed. He supposed he should really thank Lloyd, since it must have been pretty inconvenient to have been woken in the middle of the night and then have to restrain Rai, but part of him was angry that Lloyd had heard this at all. Still, that definitely wasn't Lloyd's fault, no matter how he thought about it. "What are you apologizing for?"

Lloyd blinked. "Um, I...for touching you without permission, I guess...? It seems like you're uncomfortable with it."

"You're not wrong," Rai admitted, "but you have no reason to apologize. Still, I..." How should I say this? "This...isn't something I wanted anyone to see. Could you keep it to yourself?"

"Of course." The swordsman looked uncharacteristically serious, his brown eyes intent. "I was going to do that anyway. I'm guessing this has something to do with your mysterious past? No, it's okay, don't say anything - you don't have to tell me what it's about. I won't ask, and I won't tell anyone else. But..." He hesitated. After he'd been silent for a few moments, Rai finally cut in.

"What?"

"I...I just want you to know that you're not alone. If you want anyone to talk to, you can always come to me, and I won't judge you. I know we didn't get along very well in the past, but that doesn't mean...well, even if I don't fully understand you, I, well...ugh..." He ruffled his hair vigorously. "Damn, why is this so hard to say..."

"It's okay, I understand what you mean," Rai said quickly, trying to diffuse the awkwardness. It was a cliché statement, but despite himself, he was a bit touched. He didn't intend to take Lloyd up on this offer - the less Lloyd knew about his past, the better - but it was a bit surprising that Lloyd was so worried despite how rude Rai had always been to him. And it wasn't even out of curiosity about his past - it was just a desire to help others. It was probably this same quality that had allowed Lloyd to befriend Zelos, and to trust him even after he'd betrayed the party. An interesting loyalty. "Sorry for waking you up."

He started to lie back down, and Lloyd made to return to the blanket he'd laid out on the floor. Rai reached out a hand to stop him. "You might as well stay up here," he offered. He'd feel bad if Lloyd had to return to the floor after all the trouble he'd already had to go through. "It'll be more comfortable, and really this is a two-person bed."

Lloyd glanced at him in surprise. "...Are you sure? I thought you were really particular about stuff like this."

"If you don't want to, then fine."

"No, wait, I want to!" Hurriedly, Lloyd scrambled back up onto the bed. "...Thanks."

"Forget it. Just don't hug me again and we'll be fine." He ignored Lloyd's spluttering and rolled over onto his side, facing away from the swordsman.

Sleep, no matter how long he waited, refused to return.

Chapter Text

By the time Rai finally made his way downstairs with Lloyd in tow, the rest of the party was nowhere to be seen. He'd meant to tag along with Kratos to get help in selecting a sword, but the man had mysteriously vanished and on second thought Rai might be able to do that on his own. Lloyd was a sword user as well, after all. He turned to his companion, who was looking around as if wondering where everyone else was.

"Hey, Lloyd. Want to help me pick out a sword?"

As expected, Lloyd's eyes lit up and his attention focused back on Rai in an instant. "You're learning to use a sword?" he exclaimed. "Awesome! Are you going to use two swords like me?"

"I hadn't really decided yet," Rai admitted, "but probably not. I think I'll stick to one. Perhaps a two-handed sword?"

Lloyd deflated slightly, but there was still a light of excitement in his eyes. "Well, come on then!" he grinned, practically dragging Rai outside. Normally, Rai would have been irritated by this, but this time he found that he was only a bit amused. He really must be warming up to Lloyd, he realized. It probably had something to do with how open and easy-to-read Lloyd was. Rai didn't feel as if he had to be too on-guard around him, at least not in comparison to the rest of the group.

Though it was also true that Lloyd had forced his hand by finding out so much about him by mere coincidence, Rai thought with slight annoyance. What was with Lloyd always being around when he had nightmares, anyway?

As they pushed their way through the crowd, fighting their way to the weapons' district - Triet was a lot larger than it had seemed in-game - Rai found his thoughts drifting back to the fight with the group of Renegades. The battle in which he had killed Layn. Had Lloyd not killed the other Renegade, Rai's life would have been forfeit. He hadn't been nearly strong enough to survive on his own against even some mere Renegade footsoldiers. He realized now that having thought himself powerful enough with magic alone had been exceedingly arrogant. How could he hope to stand a chance against Mithos or any strong opponents at this rate? In addition to training with a sword, he really should take other precautions as well. Figuring out a more defined fighting style that took his magic into account would probably be a good idea. 

Were there any passive forms of defense or offense he could take advantage of? Use of poisons of some kind, maybe? And he should also take advantage of his superior control of raw mana. He'd started experimenting with that not soon before the day of the Oracle - one useful though expensive effect was the ability to probe outwards for threats, literally feeling out his surroundings using his own mana - but he should speed up the process. Yes...some training once he obtained his new sword would not be unwelcome.

Rai knew his main weakness was short-range combat. When he had the advantage of other short-range fighters to keep the enemy busy, he could fire off unpredictable spells at a high rate, but cornered at point-blank range…

Wait a minute. His eyes widened and he stopped short in the middle of the crowd, hardly noticing the annoyed people shoving rudely past him. Of course. How had he not thought of this before? There was a way he could adapt his magic to short-range combat. After all, his usage of magic was already different than what was traditionally taught. Normally, he separated his magic out from the boundaries of shaped spells - instead of casting things like Aqua Edge or Icicle, he just shaped and focused his mana. It should be possible for him to do the same on a smaller scale as well, though it would be more difficult, requiring more control. That meant he might be able to use his magic in less obvious but infinitely more lethal ways. If he could use his own mana to shape and convert the ambient mana in the air, who was to say that he couldn't do the same to the mana of his enemies' bodies, with a little practice? Imagine converting some of the mana around somebody's heart into fire mana. Just a little would do.

Instant death.

He grinned. Such potential...he couldn't believe he hadn't tried to tap into it before. It probably had to do with his lack of battle experience; it had taken fighting a real enemy to understand how things really worked in the midst of battle. Quick and fatal attacks were the way to go. Flashy, impressive magic only got you so far.

Damn, kid. Even I didn't think of that. You may be onto something here.

Not only that, but since Akira had been a medical student, Rai was starting to gain back that same knowledge of human anatomy. That, too, would be helpful in knowing how to strike precisely. And maybe - maybe - it would help him to learn some healing artes as well.  He might even be able to figure it out without being forced to ask Raine for help.

Wow. This is just getting better and better.

"Rai! Rai!" Startled, he glanced up and remembered where he was. Lloyd was now several feet away, waving at him impatiently over the heads of the crowd. Hurriedly, Rai pushed his way forward to rejoin him. Lloyd huffed in annoyance as he approached.

"Your head's always in the clouds," he grumbled. "Don't tell me you need me to hold your hand to keep you from wandering off."

"Sorry," he said distantly, his mind still half elsewhere even as Akira snickered at the comment. He was now wondering whether he could use magic to actually enhance his sword attacks. Zelos and Kratos did it to some extent, didn't they? Lightning Blade...Hell Pyre…

He glanced over when he realized that Lloyd had stopped this time. The swordsman was looking at him oddly. "What's on your mind? You just apologized to me." Again, hung unspoken between them.

"Oh...I did, didn't I?" Rai acquiesced. "I guess I'm a bit preoccupied. Where are the weapons around here, anyway?"

Lloyd sighed, but let the subject drop. "Right here. So what do you think?"

Rai stepped forward to face the burly shop owner, who looked wary when he saw Rai's appearance, though he tried to hide it. "How may I help you, good sir?" he said smoothly, with slight undertones of unease and dislike in his voice.

"You could give me an overview of your selection of weapons, for starters," Rai responded flatly, a bit more rudely than he had intended. Even if he knew the man couldn't help his hesitance, given that the only non-humans he had probably encountered were Desians, Rai couldn't help but feel a little cold towards him in response to the obvious discrimination. The man flinched slightly, averting his eyes.

"Yes, right away, sir," he said quickly. "We have various types of swords, both two and one-handed, a limited selection of spears, some double-ended blades, various types of staffs that are best for mages, axes and hammers, daggers, throwing knives, and bows for archery. Which are you interested in...?"

"An impressive variety," Rai admitted, running his eyes over the array of weapons on display. It would probably good to have a dagger on hand in case his sword ever became inaccessible to him. "Show me the daggers first."

"Of course." The man bustled around in the back for a few moments before coming forward with four daggers, all sheathed. "These are representative of the major styles."

They differed in length, but all were of a similar shape and curvature. Rai unsheathed each in turn, surveying the edges critically, and with Akira's help finally decided on one that was a rich, purple color - made of magically reinforced, glasslike stone. It was expensive, but the ability to key it to his own magic was worth the buy, and if he pooled all the gald he had collected over the years from various things, he could afford it without too much difficulty. After forking over the money for both the dagger and its sheath, which came with a durable strap - he could always reinforce it magically later - he asked to see the swords. 

Their variety impressed him; there were swords of differing angles of curvature, resembling middle-eastern swords from his old life, a few Japanese-style swords including a katana, and European-style broadswords and longswords. It was tempting to opt for a one-handed sword so that he could have the advantage of a shield, but a two-handed sword would give him more power and control - not to mention that Akira was familiar with kenjutsu using a katana with a similar build to this one, which had a two-handed grip. Much to Lloyd's disappointment, he finally decided on the katana, which was sturdily built and obviously prioritized practicality over decoration. He also purchased some basic oil and a cleaning cloth for the sword as well as a sharpening stone for the dagger. All in all, in the end his pockets felt much lighter. 

He found himself glad to get away as they left the stall and began to make their way over to the armor shop. The weight of his new sword at his waist was unfamiliar but comforting. Akira had instructed him a bit impatiently that the cutting edge needed to face upwards in its sheath for a correct draw, and that he needed to train a lot if he wanted to avoid inadvertently impaling himself on his own sword. Rai had sheepishly agreed; it was true that he was shamefully ignorant of the art. Even during that spar with Lloyd he'd had to let Akira take over. At least his past self had been glad for a bit of practice with a sword after so long.

As they stood in the long line to the armory, Lloyd stared intently at him, his brown eyes unreadable. Rai spent a few minutes trying to figure out what he was thinking, but the other's expression wasn't giving anything away.

"What's up?" he asked, finally giving in. Lloyd took a few moments to answer.

"Why did you treat him that way?"

"Who?" asked Rai. As if he didn't already know the answer.

"The shop owner. He was just trying to help, but you treated him like...like he was beneath you." Lloyd's brow furrowed, his gloved hands clenching at his sides.

Rai couldn't help but feel somehow betrayed.

"So? I treat everyone like that, did you forget?" he said coldly, turning away. Lloyd gave a growl of frustration.

"Rai! I know that's not it. Haven't I proven that you can talk to me? Don't close up on me again." When Rai refused to answer, he continued, "Is it really...because he's a human? I got a feeling like this once before, when we were exiled from the village, but...Rai, do you really think humans are inferior?"

Rai felt anger coursing through him again. How dare Lloyd, of all people, lecture him about this? And had he not noticed how the shop owner had been acting? "I only did what he expected me to do," he said stiffly. "Knowing I wasn't human, he was uncomfortable around me from the beginning. Why am I the one being accused of discriminating?"

"He was only afraid! Besides, you didn't answer my question."

"Why does it matter?"

"It matters to me." Lloyd's voice was firm, but there was a hint of apprehension in his tone. "So?"

Rai sighed. "It depends on how you define 'inferior'," he said finally. "If you consider proficiency in combat or intelligence to be indicators of superiority, then yes - on average, humans are inferior to half-elves on both counts - "

"Stop - just stop trying to make this something you can just calculate. I'm talking about what you feel about it. Do you actually consider yourself to be personally better than humans, just because you're a half-elf?"

"I..." He hesitated. Did he? He supposed he might on some level, though part of that was probably just resentment at the way humans thought of half-elves, and part of it was probably his natural tendency to disdain those who lacked intelligence. Though of course he knew that individual humans could still be plenty intelligent, so certainly that wasn't justification to think of himself personally as better than the human race as a whole. 

Lloyd looked away. "Never mind," he said bitterly. "I guess I have my answer."

He didn't know why, but he felt a spurt of panic, a need to justify himself. "Wait - that's not what I meant - " He could see that Lloyd wasn't receptive to this, so he changed tack. "I - look, feelings like that are complicated. You know I'm not the best at that sort of thing. But I do know that - well, you're human, but I don't think of you as any less than I am because of that. I don't think you're inferior, I know that much. If I do have some kind of bias against humans in general, that's - well, I never professed to be perfect." He took a breath. That was a longer speech than he had intended to make, especially in public. A few people glanced at him warily, now noticing his obviously elvish features.

Lloyd still looked put out, but his gaze had softened slightly. "I...yeah. Sorry, Rai. I guess I'm being kind of a jerk about it. I don't have a right to tell you how to feel, and obviously I've never experienced how it is to be in your position. So, uh..." He trailed off uncertainly, seeming to remember for the first time that they weren't alone. The humans surrounding them were muttering softly and shooting the pair surreptitious glances.

God, this is uncomfortable. Rai glanced away and noted with relief that they had reached the front of the line. "Oh, look, it's our turn to go up there," he said quickly, starting forward without glancing to see whether Lloyd was following. 

This time he was careful not to let anything out of the ordinary seep into his interaction with the shop owner, though this man was even more visibly uncomfortable around him. His mind, however, was elsewhere, one question at its forefront.

Why did he suddenly care about what Lloyd thought of him?

The buzz of voices around him had dulled slightly, though people still gave him sideways glances when they thought he wasn't aware. Rai didn't give any indication that he noticed or cared. Rather, he was lounging carelessly against the side of a tall building, a twig between his teeth and his hands shoved deep in his pockets. He was partaking in something he liked to call information-gathering - more plainly, eavesdropping.

He'd split with Lloyd soon after they'd perused the armory, with the promise to meet up again in a few hours for some training. Though he felt a bit guilty about it, he'd been glad to get away from the swordsman for a bit; the atmosphere between them had become uncomfortable after the earlier argument.

His purchases so far did quite please him, though. At the armor shop he'd found a set of very interesting gauntlets - very expensive, as they were obviously also of elven make, but well worth the price. They looked ordinarily like reinforced fingerless gloves, but would key into his mana signature and had fully retractable and extendable claws which he could control through mana flow. They would also easily conduct his mana for elemental affinity. And to cap it all off, they had a limited mana storage capacity - if he fed mana into them, they would hold onto it for later use. He felt infinitely better about self-defense with them on.

He hadn't bought any actual armor, since it would hinder his movement and slow him down. Producing mana shields wasn't overly difficult, after all, and they had a healer in the group. Still, he'd need to improve his defensive techniques. Currently he used a slightly improved version of Guardian, but he'd have to do better if he wanted to survive in close-combat scenarios. It wasn't too difficult to imagine theoretically how to apply  his current knowledge to creating a mana shield a few inches above his skin to protect from attacks, but actually using it adeptly enough and with enough stamina for it to be practical in battle was the real problem. Practice was what he needed.

Whispered conversations reached his ears and he couldn't help feeling a bit derisive, despite his conversation with Lloyd. These humans obviously had no idea that he could hear them. What did they think his pointed ears were for, anyway, decoration? Ignorant idiots.

"Isn't he an elf, though?"

"No, no, didn't you hear him with that guy all in red earlier? He's definitely a half-elf."

"I for one don't care what he is, he is so handsome!"

"Mei!"

Rai tuned out the incessant giggling that followed and focused on a more interesting conversation at a stall nearby.

"You have the goods?" came the low murmur of the cloaked man leaning over the counter. The sallow man behind it nodded ever so slightly.

"That's right," he said even more quietly, with a few quick glances around. "Cyanide and...?" The second word was said so softly that it was inaudible even to Rai.

He waited until the client had left and then walked up to the shady clerk, making sure his hood was down and his features clearly visible. The man flinched violently.

"An interesting business you have going here," Rai murmured softly, leaning in to shield his lips from passersby. "I'm intrigued."

"I don't know what you mean, I only sell regular potions," the man said stubbornly, but his eyes darted away and back again in a nervous and decidedly guilty gesture.

Rai grinned ferally, leaning closer to the quaking shopkeeper. "Help me and I won't say a word to the village authorities," he said in a low voice. "Don't worry. I always keep my word, even when dealing with inferior beings." There was a pause. "Or I could always bring you back to the human ranch with me, though I'm not currently on the job..."

"What do you need?" the man bit out, caving.

Five minutes later he left the stall, immensely satisfied. He'd even managed to secure that for free, though he did feel a little bad about pretending to be a Desian. Lloyd wouldn't approve of either his method or of what he had obtained.

But, again - since when had he cared what Lloyd would think?

He was on his way back to the hotel to stash some things with his luggage when he noticed a familiar blue-haired half-elf and stopped short. What, now he decided to show up?

Casually, Rai made his way over to where the seraph stood near a food stall.

Almost immediately, Yuan's gaze snapped up to meet his, pure shock in his expression. A few moments later it was masked expertly.

"Your...mana signature is very unique..."

Rai realized that Yuan must recognize it from the time Rai had spent in Cruxis. Either that, or he could recognize some similarity between Rai's and Kratos's mana signatures, assuming they were father and son. He leaned forward slightly, so that none of the passersby would overhear, and murmured, "I did spend my early years in Cruxis, after all. I wondered if you'd recognize me." He was taking a bit of a leap here, since he wasn't sure if he'd personally known Yuan as a child, but he could still claim that he'd been told about him by Kratos and had recognized his distinctive appearance. Fortunately, Yuan didn't question it. The man's expression was unreadable, but he seemed tense. 

"So you were alive after all..." he murmured in a slightly shaky voice, almost too softly for Rai to hear. Then, in a more normal tone, "Why are you on the Journey of Regeneration?"

Rai smirked. "Why do you want to know?"

"It would not be wise to assume we are on the same level, boy," Yuan warned.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Four-thousand year-old Seraph, a leader of both Cruxis and the Renegades - you're pretty impressive."

There was an odd expression on Yuan's features. "Surely Kratos would not have told you this much?"

"Think of it what you will," Rai quipped, mimicking Kratos's speech.

Yuan's gaze tightened. "Then I suppose it is even more important to know which side you're on," he growled. "Are you like Kr - your father, Rai? Still loyal to Cruxis, but willing to overlook my activities? Or are you thinking about telling Yggdrasill everything?" He leaned forward, an intent gaze in his startlingly green eyes. "Or...are you open towards my ideas?"

Rai thought quickly. Truthfully, he was more on the side of the Renegades than anyone else, since they seemed to be the most sane - but at the same time, he couldn't speak for whether he'd change his mind in the future. Still, it was true that he had no plans to reveal Yuan to Yggdrasill. That would be an amazingly stupid move. He'd just let Yggdrasill find out on his own, the way he was supposed to. Still, even if he wasn't necessarily on the Renegades' side, wasn't it better to pretend he was? I'm like Zelos now, he thought wryly. I'm going to end up a triple-crosser - Cruxis, the Renegades, and the Chosen's party will all think I'm on their side, since Mithos would assume Kratos's son would be with Cruxis, and I wouldn't want to correct him. I wonder how long I can pull it off?

He realized Yuan was still waiting for his reply and took a breath. "Let's talk about this in a quieter place," he muttered, before turning and walking toward the entrance of Triet. He could hear Yuan following him almost silently until they were far enough that no humans would be able to hear.

"I don't approve of what Cruxis is doing, although my reasons are my own," he said firmly, senses on high alert for any approaching mana signatures. "If you're against Cruxis, then I suppose that puts us on roughly the same side. I'd be willing to help you out within reasonable limits, as long as you guarantee the safety of both myself and my group." He paused, glancing at Yuan again, and added, "...I hope you're not thinking about killing the Chosen. Don't worry - I'll make sure she isn't used as a vessel for Martel. If it seems like I won't be able to prevent that, I would be willing to let you know immediately, considering I have an avenue to do so."

Yuan was gazing at him interestedly, eyes glittering with calculation. "I see. And what makes you think you would be able to prevent the ritual?"

"There are some members of the group who don't know she'd have to die. I think if they found out with...appropriate timing, they wouldn't be able to send her off so quickly. But how about this - I'll contact you if it seems like all is lost. I assume there are ways to do that, with your technology?"

"...There are," said Yuan slowly. "But you have to keep this a secret from Kratos."

"Don't worry about that. In fact, I think even if he found out, he wouldn't tell Yggdrasill about it, though he might disapprove."

"You're probably right," Yuan agreed. "So you're saying you'll help me, then? To clarify - you'll spy for me?"

"If you harm anyone from my group, especially me, the deal is off," Rai warned. "And if I'm in a sticky situation, would it be too much of me to contact you for help and expect you to intervene?"

"...That is acceptable. So you'll update me on your group's activities?"

"As long as you don't interfere with us, I suppose I will. But - if I do this, I also hope to...ask certain favors of you, when the time comes."

"That depends entirely on what they are," Yuan said suspiciously, "but I will try to be reasonable. You'll be helping us quite a bit, after all." He rummaged in his cloak and pulled out a small device, smooth and round as a pebble, and popped it open, revealing various buttons.

"You can use the green one to speak to me," Yuan explained. "The red button is for emergencies - for example, if you think that Cruxis is about to gain possession of the Chosen, or you're about to die, I suppose. The blue button will contact my subordinate, Botta, in case I am unresponsive when you press green. And the yellow, which you should only use if you're alone and have time, makes it possible to send written correspondence magically by typing on a holographic screen. You can use it if you feel like you can't safely speak aloud. This device will also track your location, by the way. I hope you're okay with that. Also, I've set it up so that once you accept this device from me, it will be keyed to your mana signature - no others will be able to use it except you and myself."

"As long as you stick to your side of the deal, it's fine," Rai promised, reaching out and pocketing the device. As he took it, he could feel the warm buzz as it resonated with his mana. "Another thing. What if the red button, or another, is accidentally pressed? Is there a cancellation?"

"If it's a button other than the red, you press the gray one on the side, and if it's the red, you have to dial a certain sequence. But I'd advise you to not accidentally press buttons. It would be rather annoying for us. That's what the cover is for."

"Noted. So what's the sequence?"

"Red, Green, Blue, Blue, Yellow, Green, Blue, Red," said Yuan. "I'm afraid it would be too dangerous to write down, so you'll have to memorize it - "

"Don't worry, I got it already," Rai said easily. The voices in his head were already analyzing every inch of the code for patterns, and CO was simply repeating it over and over. Yuan looked at him with what might have been approval.

"Good. Ah, right - I forgot to mention that there's an orange button as well. You use that to check incoming written messages. There's a small mana signal that is produced when you receive a new one; if you keep the device on you, you should be able to detect it easily. Also, since the device has its own mana-sensing capabilities, we will be alerted if it is taken more than ten meters away from your person. In that case I'll send a courier to check up on you; this is so that we can shut the device down if it's stolen."

Despite himself, Rai was mildly impressed. "That's perfect. Out of curiosity, who developed this device?"

"Oh, just one of our engineers," Yuan said off-handedly. "We have many researchers and engineers. After all, half-elves aren't the most intelligent race for nothing."

"Do you do any research yourself?"

"No," Yuan sighed. "I wish I had the time, but unfortunately my time is taken up with maneuvering between Cruxis and the Renegades. A pity, really."

Rai was starting to develop some newfound respect for this man. "Out of curiosity, what do you know about the angel transformation?"

Yuan's gaze snapped back to meet Rai's instantly. "Are you interested in it?"

"...Yes," he replied, surprised by the sudden intensity. "On a purely academic level, that is."

"You don't want to undergo it yourself?"

"I...haven't decided."

"Don't do it," Yuan said quickly. "Take it from me. For half-elves, the negative effects are not worth it. Kratos would not know, as he was a human."

It was as Rai had expected - it seemed Yuan had more of an idea about this than Kratos had. Although - why would Yuan care this much whether Rai experienced negative effects?

"Can you explain why?" he asked, after a pause.

Yuan looked pained. "It's a long story, and not one I have time to tell now...but promise me that you'll listen to me before you make any drastic decisions."

Of course I will. It's not like I want to suffer from negative effects of unknown severity... "I will. But don't take too long. Don't forget I have a way to contact you now."

The angel gave him a ghost of a smile before his wings materialized and he soared off towards the Renegade base.

Despite the sweltering heat and the endless sand, the Triet desert was actually filled with life if one cared to look. From where Kratos lay in the shade of a sand dune, various signs of animal life were clearly audible, and the trill of a few magical birds filled the air. 

To Kratos, it served as nothing but a reminder of another time, over four thousand years ago, when he had traveled in this area with his old friends.

...It had not been a desert then.

But the past was the past; there was no point in reminiscing about it now. His friends from back then were as good as gone - one dead, one insane, and the last bitter and broken. He no longer knew them, and they no longer understood him. Maybe it was true that time broke all bonds, no matter how strong.

He had thought he'd left all his bonds behind when he lost his wife and son all those years ago. But then there had come his reacquaintance with Rai, and now he'd found out that Lloyd was still alive, and...well. It seemed some higher power was intent on making sure Kratos could never completely let go of his emotional ties.

Both Rai and Lloyd gave him far more headache than they should - the latter completely unintentionally and the former decidedly less so. Kratos had a sneaking feeling that Rai took pleasure in intentionally aggravating him at every opportunity.

He had perhaps been too harsh with the female half-elf when she had mentioned Rai's obtuseness, however. It had felt like a personal jab, since he couldn't help but feel responsible for any shortcomings his son might have. And yet - there was no way the half-elf girl could possibly know this. He knew she had picked up on his curtness at the mention - she was much sharper than he had initially assumed. He should, of course, have known better than to underestimate a half-elf - one who was lauded as a genius in her village, at that.

She was right, too, no matter how much he disliked it. Rai undeniably had issues, though it was no fault of his own. Kratos had thought he might suffocate with the guilt last night when Rai had continued to keep both Kratos and Lloyd both awake with his obviously violent nightmare. There was only one thing it could have been about. It was all his fault, for letting his own son go through something so horrible under his very nose. Condoning such a thing…

He hadn't been able to bear being in the same room, listening to one son try desperately and unsuccessfully to wake the other, while the latter screamed and convulsed. He'd found himself retreating first to the lobby downstairs, and then out to the desert when that proved too little to block out the sounds from his angelic hearing.

That hadn't helped the choking feeling of guilt that had plagued him for the rest of the night.

Thankfully, it seemed like Lloyd might have managed to comfort Rai a little.

Kratos stiffened suddenly, though his eyes stayed closed. Two very familiar mana signatures were approaching - the very subjects of his recent thoughts, in fact. After a moment of stillness, he finally sprang into action, retreating to the other side of the sand dune quickly as his sons came into view. 

Lloyd was speaking animatedly, but Rai appeared distracted, his green eyes unfocused. Kratos narrowed his eyes, observing carefully. Maybe it would help to keep an eye on them - he might then understand them a little better. He knew he was mostly doing this to reassure himself that his sons had still grown up fine despite his absence, and had to fight back another wave of guilt at the thought.

"Rai! You said you had some special training you wanted to do, right?" Lloyd's voice was slightly impatient as it became clear that Rai hadn't heard a word. "Rai!"

The half-elf blinked as if coming out of a trance. "...Right. As I was saying, I have something I would like to try before I do any sword training. Let's continue to travel - all you need to do is leave any human enemies to me. It shouldn't take much time before bandits decide we're easy targets."

Lloyd gave him a puzzled look, but Rai didn't elaborate. "All right, I guess. What kind of training...?"

Rai gave a sudden grin and Kratos felt his breath catch in his throat. The last time he had seen his son smile was when he had been only a year old. Innocent, unbroken...happy…

"You'll see," he barely heard as the boys disappeared around the other side of another dune. Kratos took to the air and followed with a heavy heart.

Chapter Text

Normally when Lloyd trained or fought, things went almost on automatic, like his limbs just knew what to do. This time he felt hyperaware of every action. 

Possibly it was because he was being extra careful not to kill any human enemies. Somehow, though, it felt odd - wrong even - to be deciding how or whether to kill his enemies in the heat of battle. Like he was playing with their lives or something. Like he wasn't taking them seriously. 

It didn't make much sense if you really thought about it, since he'd have no qualms killing them all otherwise.

Still, he swallowed the unease and did little more than deflect the bandits' attacks, letting their clumsy blows glance harmlessly off his swords so Rai could dispatch them. The half-elf's sword stayed unused at his side - he seemed to be focusing on hand-to-hand combat for some unfathomable reason. 

What he was doing was odd, though - he barely ever brushed the enemy, and yet the men would stumble or cry out in pain with each brief contact. Lloyd hadn't yet had the chance to fully observe it, busy as he was fending off monsters simultaneously, but he could see that Rai didn't seem satisfied with his current progress. Rather, he seemed increasingly annoyed as time went on, despite dancing easily around the bandits' attacks like a battle artist. Lloyd couldn't help but wonder, again, when Rai could possibly have had the chance to get this good at physical combat.

He finished killing the last monster and was poised to ask Rai whether he wanted help with the bandits when he paused as if compelled, staring at the scene unfolding in front of him.

Only one bandit still stood, locked in fierce combat with the half-elf - or rather it was more accurate to say that he was furiously swiping at Rai with his dagger and continually missing. Then Rai's flattened palm finally made contact with the man's chest - barely brushed it at all, though the half-elf's face was contorted with concentration - and suddenly the man screamed horribly in pain, so loudly that Lloyd's gut twisted violently in response. 

It didn't end there - the man continued to scream, writhing and gasping and clutching at his chest. The desperate shriek ended abruptly in a wet cough as dark, almost blackened blood spurted from his mouth, and soon after the bandit had collapsed helplessly onto the sand, clawing at his chest and throat like a drowning man.

Dead.

Though the man was silenced, sound had not ended, and Lloyd's gaze snapped back to Rai...who was laughing wildly, staring at his own hands. 

He didn't appear to notice the blood spreading from the man at his feet, lapping at his feet and soaking thickly into the desert sand.

What had Rai done? Lloyd wondered, disturbed despite himself. He hadn't seen any visible attack on Rai's part, certainly not enough to do this much damage. There had only been those glancing blows - how...?

His legs finally came alive and moved him to stand next to Rai, where he glanced shortly at the body on the ground. 

"How did you do that?" he asked carefully after a short pause to gather his thoughts. Rai was still chuckling to himself, his grin wide and more than a little disturbing, but he paused at this and glanced at Lloyd and then the body as if only just remembering they were present at all.

"Ah, right, I almost forgot," he said in response, ignoring the question - why does he always do that? Lloyd thought in annoyance - and kneeling in front of the man he had killed. Then he flicked out the dagger he had bought earlier from somewhere within the cavernous depths of his cloak, and before Lloyd had time to react, Rai sliced firmly into the man's chest.

"What are you - " he gasped. Killing in a fight was one thing, but why further harm a dead body? Rai ignored him calmly, continuing to make precise cuts. It was his sheer manner that kept Lloyd from immediate intervention - this was no lapse in sanity or uncontrolled attack. It was evident that Rai knew exactly what he was doing. 

Presently he was peeling back the man's skin and muscle with his fingers. Lloyd suppressed the urge to gag, though the nausea was hard to fight, and watched as the man's heart was exposed. Then he could only stare.

He didn't know too much about how the inside of a person was supposed to look, but there had been vague diagrams in old schoolbooks, and he was pretty sure that - well. This heart looked burned, and not only that, as if it had imploded from the inside. Lloyd shuddered. No wonder he had died the way he had...but still, how...?

Rather than being equally disturbed, Rai was looking unnervingly triumphant again, a smirk curling his lips as he inspected the dead man's inner cavity. His hand reached out to caress the stilled heart, fingers trembling ever so slightly, and a short laugh bubbled from his lips, as if he couldn't help himself. Lloyd was unable to hold it in any longer.

"What - are you - doing?!" he burst out in a trembling voice, and finally Rai turned to look at him, his hand leaving the man. Specks of blood dotted his face, probably from killing some of the other bandits, but his eyes shone.

"I was right," he said wonderingly, talking more to himself than to Lloyd. "To think that this is even possible...this is...amazing. The things I could do..."

"You're scaring me," Lloyd said as lightly as he could, only partly joking. Rai's expression cleared a bit and he focused on Lloyd's face.

"Oh - sorry," he said, not sounding sorry at all. "Like I said, I was just trying something out. I figured out a way to use mana to enhance my short-range attacks, that's all."

This was the understatement of a lifetime. "Look, I may not be the brightest when it comes to technical terms, but even I know that what you just said isn't enough to explain what you did," Lloyd argued. "Even I use mana in my short-range attacks; that's how attacks like Beast work. But nothing I can do is...is anything like what you just did."

"I wouldn't want to reveal my secret, now, would I?" Rai said evasively, grinning. He seemed to be in a very good mood now. 

After killing a man by exploding his heart and then cutting him open to verify the result.

"I suppose not," Lloyd managed uneasily, unable to respond in kind to the teasing. He wasn't sure why this should bother him so much. He himself had killed more men than he could count. 

Rai seemed to finally notice that Lloyd was uncomfortable and took a step closer to peer into his face.

"What's wrong?"

"I...nothing..." How was he supposed to voice his discomfort with this? It wasn't like he could just say "the way you laughed earlier was really creepy". That...yeah, that was definitely a bad idea.

"Never mind. You want to get some sword training in, then?"

Rai smirked in response. "You bet."

A few days ago, Lloyd would have been elated at getting the cold half-elf to crack a smile.

Now it brought to mind only snapshots of the bloody scene he had witnessed moments ago.

Chapter Text

Despite the ever-changing nature of the desert, the Triet Ruins were an immutable part of it; gray, crumbling, yet constant. Their true nature was no longer known, but it was obvious to anyone that they were a remnant of an ancient civilization from a time before magitechnology had disappeared from the world.

Indeed, there was much about the very architecture that made absolutely no physical sense. Thin pillars that held up slabs far too heavy, corners that took up more space on one side than the other...there was unmistakable magic woven into the very structure of the building. The knowledge of how to do such things had been utterly lost by time. 

Rai couldn't help but want to know more about how it had been built. It pained him to think of all the technology, and more importantly all the knowledge, that had been lost. It was too sad, that a civilization this advanced was now gone, with most records destroyed and only ruins left to mark its existence.

Thankfully there was still Tethe'alla. He couldn't wait to gain access to the flourishing world. Maybe he'd just forget about the Journey of Regeneration and go into research.

But then there was the small problem of half-elves being subhuman there…

"Rai!" Lloyd slung an arm around his shoulders, the sudden weight making Rai stagger as he tried and failed to push the swordsman away.

"What?"

"So are you going to tell me what the new technique was?"

"Nice try, but no," Rai shot back, but he smirked despite himself. Lloyd had been trying to catch him off guard with that question ever since they'd trained.

"What are you guys talking about?" This was Genis, who had paused his conversation with Colette and was looking back at them through narrowed eyes. "I really do feel like you're keeping secrets from me lately."

Rai looked off towards the ruins, leaving Lloyd to answer. The swordsman laughed awkwardly and moved away to run a hand through his spikey hair. "What makes you think that, Genis?"

Genis said nothing, but Rai could feel his brother's gaze burning into him. His skin prickled with unease. It was obvious that Genis was still irritated and suspicious that Rai was hiding things from him. He still wasn't sure how Genis was so sure that he'd been lying the day they'd left Iselia.

He is your brother, you know, said Akira. People can pick up the strangest things sometimes.

I'm still trying to figure out why Genis was so suspicious of us earlier, Future interjected tiredly. I've yet to hit any concrete conclusions. Although he always has seemed to be able to suspiciously tell when you lie to him.

He's still staring at you, CO noted. He looks suspicious, and angry, and even hurt. Probably he thinks you don't trust him.

There were murmurs of assent from the others and Rai groaned internally. Don't tell me you all think I need to confront him again about this?

There was no answer, but there was definitely a general air of agreement. You guys...I already talked to him about it once…

It's not just a matter of stupid emotions and annoying confrontations, said another soft yet firm voice at the back of his mind. If you want Genis, or anyone else for that matter, to be useful to you, you need to be able to make them trust you. With their lives, if necessary.

What was this voice? Rai had a feeling it came from the part of his mind that housed his selfishness and his ambition. But he couldn't help but think that it was right, regardless of how callously the idea was phrased.

He pushed the resolution to resolve matters with Genis aside temporarily as they finally reached the entrance to the ruins. One could see that it had once been elaborate and grand, but now not much was left but crumbling pillars and a slab on the ground. There was a stone tablet on a pedestal next to it - the oracle stone, of course. Rai found himself fascinated by the rich, forest-green color of the slab, however. Was this - ? His suspicions were confirmed when Raine shot forward as if propelled by some unseen force, caressing the stone slab lovingly. "This is polycarbonate...! Oh, just feel the wondrous smoothness!"

Polycarbonate. Now that he thought about it, wasn't that something commonplace back in that weird place where Akira had lived?

It's called Earth. I lived on Earth, muttered Akira.

He remembered it being some kind of thermoplastic substance. In fact, it wasn't stone at all. Ignoring the conversation about Raine's eccentric behavior, he strode forward and knelt to touch the surface himself - yes, it was smooth, far too smooth to be any kind of stone. Raine and the others wouldn't know that, though, he realized. Things like plastic or other synthetic materials probably didn't even exist here in Sylvarant. No wonder Raine kept going about its wondrously smooth surface. Of course it was going to be smooth.

He was caught up with a rush of both pity for the Sylvaranti - who had no idea of the kinds of luxuries they were missing - and anger at Mithos for putting in place a society that halted technological development. The flourishing world, Tethe'alla, just like the ancient civilizations that had been advanced in magitechnology, was probably similarly advanced to the civilizations back on Earth. And this was over four thousand years in the future of that ancient civilization. He couldn't even imagine how much more advanced this world could have been after that much time; and yet all that time had been wasted, with these two isolated worlds simply existing, making no progress but simply swinging back and forth through loss and gain of the same exact technology like a pendulum. Such a waste of the intellect of all those scientists and researchers, rediscovering the same concepts again and again and again…

He backed away to allow Colette to open the entrance and closed his eyes briefly. When you looked at it that way, it wasn't only the angels on Derris-Kharlan that were puppets. Everyone on this world, everyone in Sylvarant and Tethe'alla - they were all governed by the regeneration process, and Mithos was the puppeteer.

In fact, in an odd way, Mithos really had made himself a god.

It would be interesting, though, he mused as the slab finally slid open and they made their way into the ruins, to look at the development of Sylvarant and Tethe'alla over that time. Magitechnology had been lost and rediscovered several times; it would be intriguing to see whether that development had followed the same or a similar trajectory each time, or whether it had differed in any significant way. How replicable was the human condition, when a large population of people was exposed to the same conditions again and again over thousands of years?

He made a mental note to check for that information if he ever had the opportunity. Hopefully Cruxis had kept an accurate historical record, despite neither Sylvarant or Tethe'alla having one.

Entering the ruins was more nerve-wracking than he'd expected. In the game it had just been another dungeon, but in real life, it was pitch-black, crumbling, and ominous. Raine had procured a lantern in Triet, and was using it to light the way, but that didn't change the fact that it was extremely difficult to see anything clearly and that the footing was precarious.

"This is so cool," said Lloyd in a stage whisper. Kratos snorted from ahead and Genis shook his head resignedly.

"In a few minutes, you'll be whining about how boring this is," he pointed out. Interestingly, Lloyd didn't respond. He was too busy looking around, eyes wide.

"What is this place, anyway?" the swordsman asked finally.

Predictably, it was Raine who answered him. "A remnant of the ancient civilization who once occupied this land. Almost no records of its true nature remain."

They travelled in silence for some time, down a long, crumbling corridor that sloped slowly downward, deeper and deeper underground. Although they hadn't yet encountered any opposition, Rai could hear faint sounds of life from further into the cavern and knew that this was probably a sign of the monsters that had since settled here, either placed deliberately by Cruxis or drawn here by the power of the summon spirit. But they probably wouldn't even encounter Efreet this time around; no, they were here to see Remiel. Rai's lip curled in disgust at the thought of seeing that bastard again. He acted so high and mighty...Rai couldn't help but want to rip him off his pedestal to get rid of that attitude.

Come to think of it, weren't they also supposed to meet - and fight with - Sheena on their way out of the temple? Or had that been outside the Balacruf Mausoleum? Whichever it was, he wondered if that would still happen with the slight changes he'd so far rendered to the events. He couldn't help but hope they wouldn't meet her - they'd be exhausted after fighting whatever monster lay in the seal room, and Colette would probably be suffering from some effects of "Angel Toxicosis", as Raine would soon dub it.

Genis stumbled suddenly next to him and Rai caught him by the arm at the last moment before he went tumbling into the dark abyss that had opened up on the right. His heart had sped up to a startled pounding, threatening to burst out of his chest. He struggled to regain his normal breathing as he righted his stunned brother and pulled him firmly to his other side. "Be careful," he warned the younger half-elf, trying to sound firm, but it came out shakily. Genis hadn't died in the original plot. If Rai had been a moment too late just then, would his brother have died because of him?

From what Rai could see in the meager light from Raine's lantern, Genis was just as shell-shocked. His hand clutched at Rai's side, probably involuntarily, and after a moment Rai grabbed his brother's hand, ignoring Genis's slight resistance when he realized.

The other group members were shuffling from up ahead, but they obviously weren't sure what had happened due to the dim lighting. "Is everyone all right?" Raine called worriedly from the front. Genis still appeared to be trapped in a shocked silence, his smaller hand shaking in Rai's grasp, so Rai decided to answer. 

"Genis almost fell into this chasm that appeared on the right," he called. "Everyone, be especially careful here. It would be nice if we had more light, but..."

"You're right," Raine said, sounding even more worried. "But lanterns are expensive, and we couldn't afford...still, perhaps we really should have tried to get at least one more..."

Lloyd's voice sounded from directly in front of Rai and he realized that the swordsman must have made his way back towards them. "Are you okay, Genis?"

Genis finally spoke. "Y-yeah..."

Lloyd, who now had possession of the lantern, probably noticed their clasped hands, but to his credit he said nothing, only falling into step beside them near the leftmost wall. After a while Rai made eye contact with him and, upon some silent agreement, they shuffled Genis forward to his sister, who immediately grasped his shoulders. The small half-elf let himself be maneuvered, still oddly silent. After a few moments the lantern had been passed back up to Raine, who wordlessly held it out so that Genis had a clear view of his footing. The rest of them shuffled close together, unwilling to risk a fall; Rai could feel his shoulder brushing Lloyd's with every step and Kratos was so close in front of him that he nearly bumped into the swordsman more than once. Thankfully the left wall remained solid, but progress was slow, Raine swinging the lantern carefully all around to make sure there were no more sudden drops that went unnoticed. The silence was unsettling, too; earlier Rai had been able to hear the sounds of monsters, but now it was oddly quiet, as if there were none this deep into the ruins. Or perhaps they were here somewhere, still and silent, and one wrong move would stir up something terrible. He preferred not to think too much about that.

After so long of walking in silence that Rai thought he might be going insane (and imagining noises to boot) there was a scuffling sound from up ahead; Genis had stumbled into Raine, pushing her slightly into the wall. They were okay for a moment, and then a slight rumbling became what felt like a full-out earthquake. "Cave in!" roared Kratos, diving forward and taking Genis and Colette with him. The Professor was still on the ground, the lantern several paces ahead. Rai felt a crumbling of stone across his face and tried to move, but was frozen in indecision - forward, towards Kratos, or backwards? What would fall? The whole cave or part? Should he cast Guardian? Akira's voice sounded in his mind. Move! Now!

There was a sharp pain in his shoulder as he was jerked backwards, and a resounding crash came from where he'd just been. There was more rumbling as rocks fell and shifted and it seemed like everything was suddenly ridiculously loud, most of all Rai's heart, pounding in his ears. He realized as the noise died away that he'd unconsciously cast Guardian after he fell, which was good, since from its meagre light he could see that it had protected both himself and Lloyd from some large boulders that had rolled towards them from the cave in. 

As it became silent again, their breathing sounded loud and labored in the darkness. Rai could feel Lloyd's hand, still on his arm from when he'd jerked Rai out of the way, shaking slightly. He himself was no better, and his shoulder had probably been dislocated too…

"Rai! Lloyd! Are you all right?" Raine's muffled voice sounded from somewhere on the other side of the rockfall. Rai let Guardian fall with a sigh of exhaustion and tried to respond, but found he was entirely too breathless. Lloyd's voice sounded from beside him.

"Wasn't that the Professor? But what did she say? I couldn't understand her, did you catch that?" The swordsman's voice was soft, and he too sounded short of breath and a bit shaky. Rai inhaled deeply and then shouted in Raine's direction, "We're both all right! Is anyone over there hurt?"

"Ow! You just took my ear off with that yell," Lloyd grumbled, shifting in the darkness. Rai chuckled despite himself and then cut himself off at the sharp pain from his shoulder at the movement. He was distracted from this as Raine gave her response.

"We're fine. But it seems we have a dilemma now. Perhaps we should go on, and ask Remiel whether there is an alternate way out.  Meanwhile you two should make your way back out - be careful, since you no longer have a light - and wait until morning outside the ruins. If we're not back by morning you should try to brave your way back to Triet and fetch the supplies to come in and take care of this rockfall. We should be fine for now - we have enough supplies to last at least a week in here."

Rai thought it over. "Understood," he shouted back after a short pause, with some disappointment that he'd be missing what went on. "Be careful!" At least they had Kratos to look after them. The seraph wouldn't die that easily.

There was a short silence. Finally Lloyd said, "Um, Rai? Mind telling me what she said? How could you hear, anyway?"

"You mean you couldn't understand anything?"

"I listened as hard as I could, but..."

Rai realized suddenly. "Oh. It must be because I'm a half-elf. We've got better hearing." He thought back over what he'd said and cursed inwardly. He probably shouldn't have brought up his race again.

"Oh, I should have known," Lloyd said cheerfully. "Uh, anyway, what did she say then? Are they okay?" he added worriedly. 

"Yeah, they're fine," Rai managed through another jolt of pain from his injured shoulder as he tried to shift his position. Lloyd seemed to notice something odd in his voice.

"Did you get hurt?" he asked. Rai gritted his teeth through another onslaught of pain but couldn't hold back a gasp of pain.

"Yes," he admitted tersely. "My -" he hissed again, "my shoulder. Dislocated. Could you help me out?"

Lloyd seemed to understand what he meant because he shifted slightly and then, after some difficulty due to the lack of light, placed his hands carefully on Rai, one at his shoulder and the other braced at the side of his neck. "Good thing the Professor taught me this. It's going to hurt a bit," he warned, gently probing Rai's shoulder with his fingers, which were bare - he must have removed his gloves. He was probably trying to get a feel for where the bone was supposed to be.

"I know," Rai said more sharply than he'd intended. "Can you just get it over with?"  He narrowed his eyes and braced himself, but he still couldn't help his hiss of pain as Lloyd quickly jerked his arm back into place.

"Sorry. Did that do it?" the swordsman asked.

Rai moved his arm experimentally, rolling his shoulder. "Yeah, I think so. Thanks." He felt the ground carefully, to get an idea of what the footing would be like in this darkness, then stood, stumbling slightly and catching himself against Lloyd, who in turn must have braced his hand against the wall from the sound of it.

"Hey, careful," Lloyd said, a hint of playfulness in his voice. That drained away as he added, "It's going to be a bit difficult getting out of here with no light. We'll have to stick pretty close to this wall."

Rai bit back the scathing retort. He knew Lloyd wasn't trying to be patronizing, and that his own mood was just sour. He shouldn't take it out on Lloyd. "We'll manage," he said stiffly, pushing past Lloyd and starting to move forward while keeping close to the side of the cavern. After a short pause, he heard the other start up after him.

They travelled in silence for only a few  moments before Lloyd spoke. "Did I offend you?"

Rai sighed. "No." Somehow, in the following silence, Rai felt like Lloyd didn't believe him. "Okay, maybe a little bit. But I'm just being me, you know. Rude. Easily offended. I'm working on it."

"That's not what I meant," Lloyd sighed. "I just...I want to learn how to stop doing that. It sucks for you to keep being offended because I don't know how to word things."

"It's fine," Rai insisted. He really needed to stop snapping at Lloyd every time he was in a bad mood. Even as this thought crossed his mind, a wave of nausea washed over him. Somehow, this darkness wasn't agreeing with him, and Akira didn't seem to like it much either; he could feel the tension radiating from his other self. He was forced to stop as the feeling threatened to become overwhelming, and Lloyd bumped into him from behind.

"You okay?"

It took a few moments for him to respond. "I hope so," he managed finally, voice thick. "I...god, I need to get out of this place."

Lloyd sounded worried. "I think we're almost out, but it will be a few more minutes still...do you want to stop and rest?"

He didn't want to, but...he was starting to think he'd have no choice. If he could see, the world would have been spinning, but as it was he felt dizzy and had to lean heavily against the wall.

"Rai?"

He remembered the question. "I guess so," he said weakly, letting himself slide to the floor and cradling his head between his knees. He hardly heard Lloyd lower himself to the ground nearby, but he felt it when a gloved hand tentatively touched his back.

"Do you feel ill?"

"Don't touch me," he groaned, and Lloyd pulled his hand back as if he'd been burned.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No."

They sat in silence for a while, Rai breathing heavily and fighting off waves of nausea. His head was pounding terribly, and he felt a sense of terror - about what, he had no idea. Was it the darkness that was causing it? Why? His head split in a fresh wave of pain as a silent command made itself known in his mind.

Kill. Humans should die.

The voice was high and unbroken - the voice of a child. But it struck in him a terrible fear, though he still couldn't place its source. He could feel trembling wrack his body and he pressed his head hard to his knees, trying to stop. Nobody is here, he argued shakily to himself. Nobody but you and Lloyd. That voice was nothing but a figment of your imagination. Get it together!

W had broken itself back into existence, even though he'd heard nothing from it for quite a few days until now. No, no, no, no, no, it was saying frantically, making Rai's heart speed to a startled thrum. I don't want to, don't want to kill anyone - let me die instead - Some other voice tried to respond to this, but Rai couldn't bear it any longer.

NO!

W's voice faded away, at least he thought it had, leaving only the cold air of the cave and the blood roaring in Rai's ears, making his head pound.  He'd broken out in a cold sweat, but the surroundings were returning to him more clearly and the nausea was fading away, though the fear was still there, clearer than ever. He didn't feel like himself. Lloyd's hands were on his shoulders, shaking him.

"Snap out of it, Rai," the swordsman said urgently. Rai hardly cared what he was saying. His sense of relief at remembering that another person was here with him was so great that he couldn't help but lean into him, barely holding back the urge to cry. What was wrong with him? He inhaled shakily, trying to get ahold of himself, but hot liquid spilled out of his eyes all the same. Somehow the hardness, the voices, his shell, his mask - all seemed to have dissolved until it was only just him, torn apart by the darkness and the voice, that voice -

He inhaled again, so sharply that it was nearly a sob, and let himself collapse against Lloyd's presence, trying to remind himself of where he was, when he was. Lloyd hesitated before putting one arm around him, rubbing his back slightly in an attempt to comfort. He said nothing now, perhaps realizing that asking questions wouldn't help. Rai's breathing was fast, labored, almost hysterical, and he tried to force himself to slow it, to calm down. Lloyd must have noticed the tears - he'd have felt them, at this range - but to his credit he said nothing, just stayed right where he was. Silent. Accepting.

Helplessly, Rai cried.

Lloyd kept still, and his movements when he made them were very careful. He felt like the situation was fragile, and that any wrong move would bring everything crashing down.

Rai was openly sobbing now, which gave Lloyd a weird feeling because it made everything feel so unreal. He had an idea that this boy here with him now was not Rai, or at least not the Rai that walked around with them every day. Maybe it was the boy he'd seen only a few times before while Rai was sleeping - but he'd never before surfaced with the half-elf was awake. This boy was hurt, and afraid, and didn't know how to handle either of those things. The usual Rai embodied none of this, which was what made this so confusing.

Who was this stranger that lived inside the half-elf? Was it his true self? Was it some shadow of him that represented what he had been as a child? Lloyd didn't know, he couldn't know, so he only held him, trying to just be here, trying not to think so much. The boy - Lloyd was having a very difficult time thinking of him as Rai - shook in his arms and his hands tightened on Lloyd's back. Lloyd reflexively pulled him closer in response, making a shushing noise as if he were soothing a child. He thought maybe he was. He'd thought for a second the boy might be calming down, but then he began breathing too quickly again and his breaths became fast and violent, his whole body quivering. "N-no," he pleaded, his voice so thin, so small, so much so that it hardly seemed like Rai's voice, but at the same time it was. "I don't want to. No more."

Lloyd hadn't told him to do anything. He felt a cold chill run down his spine. "It's okay," he said firmly, putting his voice close to the upset half-elf's ear. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to."

He wasn't sure if he'd been heard. Rai continued, "Please don't - don't make me - I don't want to die - "

"You're not dying!" Lloyd said firmly, not letting him go on a second longer. "Rai - please - you're here, with me, not in whatever terrible thing you're remembering. You're an adult, you're strong, you can fight. Nobody can make you do anything. You're not going to die..." He continued, just saying whatever was on his mind, not wanting this to go on one second longer. The half-elf went a bit stiller and lifted his head from the crook of Lloyd's neck. Maybe he was listening. Emboldened, Lloyd continued. "I won't hurt you," he said urgently. "It's me, Lloyd. Come on, snap out of it. You're not in danger."

Finally Rai seemed to go completely motionless. The tears stopped slowly as the half-elf brought his shuddering breaths under control. "I...w-what...?" But it was Rai's voice again, now. It seemed like he'd returned to himself. Lloyd felt such relief flood through him that his whole body sagged with it. That had been freaking scary. He released his grip and let his forehead drop onto the fabric of Rai's shoulder, now having to bring his own breathing under control. He felt like he'd just fought a strenuous battle.

"Lloyd?" Rai's voice was even clearer now, though he still sounded shaken and out of his element. "Are you all right? What happened?" He could feel the vibrations of the half-elf's voice when he spoke.

Lloyd felt a long, tired breath leave him. It was a few seconds before he worked up the will to lift his head and blink his eyes open - not that this mattered, anyway, in the unrelenting darkness that he was really starting to hate. "You mean you don't remember?"

Rai's voice when he answered was both apologetic and apprehensive. He probably had some idea that whatever had happened hadn't been good. "Only sort of. I remember feeling unwell, and kind of...scared...and then everything's kind of a blur. What was I...?" He shuddered and fell silent. They were still sitting close, though Rai had stopped leaning against him, but Lloyd didn't have the energy to move. He'd let Rai field this one. The half-elf didn't move either.

Finally, after they'd sat in silence for a few moments, Lloyd decided he needed to take control of the situation. Rai seemed perfectly content to just sit here, perfectly still - maybe he was in shock or something, or trying to remember what had just happened - but Lloyd didn't think he could bear this place for much longer. He extricated himself from Rai and forced himself to his feet, staggering a little bit. One of his feet had fallen asleep. "Let's get out of here."

For a few seconds he thought Rai wouldn't respond, but then he said wearily, "Good idea."

They stumbled their way up the hallway in a subdued silence. Neither spoke again until they'd reached the sunlight.

Chapter Text

The rockfall was deafening, and Genis was almost glad it was dark so he didn't have to see the extent of it. As it was, he whirled around, heart thudding in his throat, and tugged at Raine's sleeve wordlessly, unable to speak. That fall had happened right behind him, and Rai and Lloyd had been there...

Raine put a comforting hand on the top of his head, and he could feel that she was about to say something moments before she called out to Rai and Lloyd. Genis let out a sigh of relief when he heard his brother call back, though he sounded a bit shaken.

When his sister ended with instructions to dig them out if they weren't back within a day, though, Genis felt his blood run cold. Right. They were potentially trapped down here. He bit his lip, feeling suddenly ill.

"Rai doesn't have a light, either," he realized aloud. "Raine..."

"He'll be fine," she said bracingly. "The two of them only have to make their way back up to the entrance, and it's a straightforward path. Anyway, I trust Rai at least to be able to retrace his steps precisely. They'll both be fine. I'd be more worried about us," she added under her breath, and started fiddling with the lamp, which had gone out. Genis wasn't sure if he'd been meant to hear that.

"We just have to finish the trial and then we'll be able to see them again," Colette said brightly, but Genis could hear the nervousness in her tone. Kratos's low voice sounded from somewhere just ahead.

"There's no point standing around," he said in that unfriendly way of his. "Let's press on." At that moment the lantern came back on, and by its light Genis saw Kratos turn away and start to walk onwards, not waiting for a reply. Raine ushered him and Colette onwards.

"Go on," she said. Colette fell into line behind Kratos immediately and after a moment of hesitation, Genis followed suit, unable to keep himself from glancing back at the blocked passageway one last time.

They walked in silence for a long time, and when they reached any areas where thinking had to be done about where to go next, Genis allowed Raine and Kratos to do it, his heart really not in it after the unexpected split in members. It did occur to him that it was odd that Colette didn't need to help solve the puzzles in the ancient ruins, considering these trials were meant to be for the Chosen anyway, but he supposed it didn't matter if she got there in the end. At one point when they were walking down another long hallway, with a series of inscriptions on the walls that Genis simply couldn't bring himself to be interested in at the moment, he fell into step next to Colette, sensing her unease.

"Are you nervous about meeting Remiel again?" he asked.

"A little," she admitted, and Genis noted that he was currently talking to the more serious side of Colette, a side she rarely showed.

"You know, you can talk to us if you're worried about anything," he told her after a pause. "You don't have to act carefree all the time. It's okay to be scared or frustrated."

"Thanks, Genis," she said softly. He noticed she didn't deny it.

"Are you sure you can't tell me what's really going on?" he said finally. "I know there's something, you know. Something about this Journey none of you want me to know. You haven't told Lloyd either, have you?"

At least she didn't do him the indignity of denying that such a truth existed. "No, I haven't," she admitted, downcast.

"What about Rai?" Genis asked carefully. She didn't reply for a while.

"He knows," she said finally, and Genis let out the breath he'd been holding.

"I knew it," he muttered. "But how does he know? You wouldn't have told him and not me or Lloyd. You and Rai aren't even close."

"He...actually, he...somehow, he figured it out on his own," she murmured.

"He - ?" Genis shot her an incredulous look. "What? I guess Rai really must be smarter than I am. I'm pretty sure I have all the same information he does, and yet I haven't deduced anything."

"I don't think it's that he's smarter..." she started, then trailed off. "I mean...Rai, as far as I can tell, he's really...sad. And he keeps to himself, and thinks the worst of everything. I think he can pick up on...bad things...easier than most people."

"That's cryptic," Genis said, slightly frustrated. "So you're saying whatever this secret thing is about the Journey, it's a bad thing. Which I'd pretty much guessed already." He sighed. "Whatever, forget that for now. I guess if you don't want to tell me, there's nothing I can do. Now that I have your serious side to talk to for a moment, though, have you noticed how close Rai and Lloyd have been getting lately?"

"Yes," she said quietly. "Actually, I was going to ask you about that, too, Genis. I mean - it's good, of course, if they're getting along..."

"But you don't actually like it," Genis guessed, and the guilt in her blue eyes was answer enough.

"It's really wrong of me," she agonized. "I mean, I don't have any right to tell Lloyd who to be close with. And I think Rai is a good person..."

"I don't think you need to feel guilty," Genis told her bluntly. "You're in love with Lloyd." She blushed, but didn't deny it. "And you're going through some tough things right now, as far as I can tell - even if you won't tell me what they are. So it's natural you don't like that there's now an extra person to take away his attention. I don't think anyone would really blame you for that."

"It's so selfish, though..."

"I don't know how much I like it either," Genis admitted. "I mean, I think it's good that they don't hate each other for no reason anymore, but it feels weird, since they sort of used to communicate through me and that's not needed anymore. But it's more that it's something I'll need to get used to. In your case, though, your relationship with Lloyd is special, so..."

"I..." Colette hesitated. "I want Lloyd to be happy. So it's a good thing if he has more friends around him that make him happy - but there's something inside me," she lowered her voice further, "something that wishes that it could be just me. That I could be enough." She shook her head. "But I shouldn't think that way!"

"I think it's fine," Genis said bluntly. "As long as you don't go murder Rai to keep him from stealing Lloyd, you're probably in the clear."

Her blue eyes filled with horror. "Genis!"

"I was joking, joking. Sorry." He sighed. "Anyway...talk to someone when you're feeling down, all right? Whether that's Raine or Lloyd, or even me. I'm always ready to listen, too, you know. But it might not be a good idea to go to Rai," he added dryly. "I doubt he'd appreciate it."

"You know, I actually kind of...accidentally cried all over him before we left Iselia," she admitted, and Genis stared at her in shock.

"What, really? I didn't know that. Wait, he...let you?"

She nodded, and it was hard to tell in the dark, but it looked like she might be blushing a bit.

"Huh."

"I mean, he did seem kind of annoyed," she said, sounding embarrassed. "He got mad at me, but he also seemed like he was worried, and he didn't push me away. So...I think he's really a good person, deep down."

"Well, I knew that," Genis said, "but Rai's...I mean, sure, he's a good person. Technically. But he doesn't usually see a problem with hurting people when he thinks they're being stupid. So I'm surprised he was that understanding of you. Not to sound like I think he's a jerk," he added hurriedly. "But you know what I mean."

"He's also kept his promise not to tell Lloyd," she continued. "I mean, about...you know...the Journey, I mean."

"Yeah, yeah, that thing I can't know either," Genis said, and a bit of irritation was audible in his voice. "It's still - woah, Colette, watch out!" He pulled her to the side just in time as an enemy emerged from the shadows, suddenly glowing with fire. Genis fired up a spell at top speed. "Icicle!" The odd ball of fire fizzled and died and Genis turned to Colette, who was shaking. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she said. "Thanks, I didn't notice that."

"No problem."

"Are you children all right?" Raine asked, taking a few paces back towards them. "I heard fighting."

"This weird...glowing ball-thingy attacked us," Genis reported. "I took care of it, though."

"Good job," Raine praised him. She frowned. "That's odd...we haven't encountered many enemies since entering, though it seems there are some. I wonder..."

"Maybe the rockfall scared them away or something," Genis suggested.

He stayed alert the rest of the way through, and Colette kept a tight hold on her chakrams, but nothing disturbed them all the way until they reached the altar. And then a huge, flaming lava beast burst out of nowhere, snarling at them and balls of fire spewing out of its nose.

...This would be a long fight.

"Ah. About that rockfall..." Remiel cleared his throat and Genis shot him a suspicious look. "It was...part of the trial," he said. Genis got the distinct impression that Kratos was giving the angel the evil eye. Remiel added quickly, "So of course, it'll be cleared out again. And I will ... graciously provide a warp pad for you in this room for easy return to the entrance."

Remiel was definitely suspicious, Genis decided. Rai had always seemed to think the idea of Cruxis was stupid, and Genis was starting to agree with him. Remiel didn't seem like he was truly a divine being - he just came across as a pompous, arrogant, bastard who was playing a role - at least once the initial awe wore off. Even Colette appeared less than impressed, though she kept her head bowed and all her body language respectful. Genis found himself wishing he hadn't said that line about Remiel being Colette's true father - if that was true, she had a pretty damn annoying man for a father, one who didn't mind having her potentially killed in rockfalls.

Genis didn’t pay all that much attention while Remiel finished off his usual speech, but when multicolored wings sprouted from Colette’s back he felt his jaw drop in astonishment. He ran over to her. “Colette - that’s so cool,” he said in awe. “Can they - are they real, or just mana constructs? They have to be mana constructs, right?”

“Well, I can move them…” Colette said uncertainly, and demonstrated by giving her wings a few experimental flaps. Then suddenly  they disappeared and she turned around and smiled at Genis. “And put them away.”

“So mana constructs, then,” he said in amazement. “I wonder if, with enough practice, I could learn to construct some for myself…that would be so amazingly sweet.”

“It probably wouldn’t be easy,” Colette admitted. “I’m not…doing anything to make them appear, really. It feels like they’re just a natural extension of me.”

“Still,” Genis said wistfully. “It would be so cool…”

“Let’s get going,” Kratos said shortly, and Genis couldn’t help but glare at him. 

“Well, someone’s a mood-kill,” he muttered, but followed the others to the warp anyway.

He wondered how Lloyd and Rai were doing outside, whether they’d be surprised that everyone else was back so soon. He thought back to his earlier conversation with Colette and then shook his head slightly, banishing the thoughts. It was all too complicated.

He’d let Lloyd deal with this on his own.

Chapter Text

Lloyd stared into the embers of the fire, lost in thought. He lay back to back with Rai, mostly to conserve heat, and above them the sky had turned pitch black and the stars twinkled from their places. He was pretty sure the half-elf was asleep, though you never really knew with Rai. 

Lloyd, for his part, was having a hard time drifting off. He felt oddly on edge, even though he'd set Noishe as a lookout. The dog was a surefire monster detector; Lloyd could be sure if any approached, Noise would give that piercing howl of his and take off. Yet he couldn't make himself relax, keeping his sword sheaths close by and his eyes open, looking alternatively at the heart of the fire and the expanse of the desert beyond it.

This last event had been...weird, to say the least. It made him even more curious to know what was up with Rai, though he was worried as well. What on earth had happened to him before he came to live with Raine and Genis? And more than that, why were all these things just surfacing now? Lloyd didn't know how long Rai had been having the nightmares, but he highly doubted the half-elf had been having panic attacks like this one all along. That wouldn't have been hidden so easily. So was it a recent thing? Was it that he was starting to remember something?

There was something else that Lloyd was starting to realize. Despite Rai's outward self-assuredness and precise words to his companions, he seemed to turn on himself really easily, and to assume that others would do the same. How many times already had he automatically thought that Lloyd would reject him or betray him? He probably thought the same of the others, even his brother and sister. Lloyd thought back to the time they'd been exiled from the village. Rai had accused Raine of not caring about him, when it was obvious to every other person that she did. For being insanely smart, Rai could be pretty dumb at times too.

Lloyd sighed and shifted his head from where it was pillowed on his arm, staring back into the fire again. He hoped the others would manage to find a way out; he wasn't exactly keen on having to make the trip back to Triet and back again to dig them out.

Just as he was starting to drift off, some sound made him jerk awake and he sat straight up, relaxing when he heard Genis's voice in the distance. A moment later, the group had emerged from the ruins, looking a bit dirty and slightly singed but mostly okay. Genis glanced over at them and raised a hand. "Hey, guys. Had fun relaxing out here?" He seemed to have recovered from his shock in the ruins. Lloyd heard Rai stir beside him.

"Not so loud," he said quietly to Genis, motioning to their sleeping companion. "He seems really tired." 

Raine and Genis both gave him questioning looks, but the next moment Colette gave a little moan of pain and collapsed. Raine caught her, her blue eyes shocked, and Lloyd rushed forward to her side, all thoughts of Rai forgotten. "What happened? Was she hurt in the ruins?" he demanded, forgetting himself to keep his voice down. Raine looked confused.

"No...we all protected her, and she hardly had a scratch on her," she said, putting glowing green hands over Colette's torso in a diagnostic spell. Another voice came from behind them.

"Must be the Angel Toxicosis," Rai said sleepily, sitting up and blinking. Lloyd glanced back at him in surprise and Raine shot him a sharp look.

"What do you mean? Angel Toxicosis?"

Rai seemed to jolt awake at that, his eyes suddenly very alert. "Ah, sorry. I was still half asleep. That was just...a joke, since I assumed that she was sick because of whatever Remiel did this time, to continue turning her into an angel." He coughed into his hand, but met Raine's eyes squarely. "I do know this is no joking matter," he said, before Lloyd could say the same thing. "Sorry."

Raine still seemed suspicious, but she seemed to accept this, turning back to Colette. "I actually agree that this is probably a side effect of the angel transformation," she said. "Oddly enough, I was thinking of calling it 'Angel Toxicosis' as well...I suppose Rai and I do have some similarities, as siblings. If she doesn't get better by morning, we'll have to search for a doctor in Triet." 

Lloyd laid his hand on Colette's forehead. It was burning up, and her blonde hair stuck to her face. He brushed it behind her ears and hovered worriedly as the Professor laid her down by the fire and covered her with a thick cloak. He thought, not for the first time, that this was terribly unfair. Why should Colette have to go through all this for a position she had been born into, with no choice in the matter? And there was nothing he could do to help. He clenched his fists.

"Lloyd," the Professor said gently, placing a hand on his arm. "Colette will be all right. The rest of us should rest up, as well."

He knew she was right, but he felt terrible just leaving Colette like this. He hadn't even been there in the ruins to protect her…

"Come on, Lloyd." It was Rai this time. "It'll be even harder to protect her if you're falling asleep on the trip tomorrow." It was like the half-elf had read Lloyd’s mind.

Reluctantly, he scooted back over to his place between Rai and Noishe and lay back down, mind in turmoil. Why couldn't anything ever go smoothly? His objective, his reason for coming along on this journey - it had been to protect Colette. What was the point if he couldn't even do that?

"Lloyd. Stop moping."

"I'm not moping," he whispered back. "Go to sleep."

He felt more than heard Rai's chuckle. "You were getting mad at me for being down on myself earlier. Well, same to you now."

Rai had a point and Lloyd knew it. "Okay, fine, you win."

"Can you guys stop whispering over there?" came Genis's tired voice. "Some of us are trying to sleep."

They quieted, and soon after, Lloyd was well and truly asleep.

Rai, in contrast, lay awake long into the night. Despite seemingly having moved on, his thoughts hadn't left those moments earlier in the ruins for a second. What in hell had happened there? 

What worried him about it most was that W had resurfaced again with no prompting from Rai, and more than that, had even affected Rai's behavior. In hindsight, he was sure W had been most of the reason he had collapsed like that, sobbed like that. Without Rai even realizing it, W had partially taken control.

That scared him.

In the last few days before then, he'd been hearing nothing from that voice, and although the others kept chattering on as they always did, there had been nothing out of the ordinary, and at any rate they weren't nearly as problematic as W was. They never tried to take over or overwhelm his senses unless he wanted them to, for one thing. They were his instruments, not the other way around. W was…different.

Akira, on the other hand, had been silent for some time as well. This made Rai more sure than ever that his past self was somehow tangled up in all of this. Akira had to know what was going on, and Rai would bet any amount of gald that it had something to do with whatever he couldn't remember about his early years. He'd been in Cruxis, so, what, had Mithos done something to him? What could have possibly been so bad? Had something about the atmosphere of the ruins after the cave-in triggered subconscious memories of it?

He sighed, shifting a little and pushing his forehead against the back of his wrist. For a few moments he just breathed slowly, trying to collect his thoughts. He was aware of Lloyd's slow breaths behind him, signifying that the swordsman was asleep, and the others seemed to be asleep as well, except Kratos, who was still acting as lookout. 

There was no point in just thinking in circles. If he wanted to know what this was all about, he needed to take steps toward that goal, not just flail around aimlessly trying to hit on something.

Realistically, what were his leads on finding out what had happened, short of just waiting to remember on his own? There was Kratos, who seemed to know, but this was problematic because Kratos thought Rai had his memories of that time.

And there was Akira.

Akira?

At first the voice did not respond. Then a sigh.

I was wondering when you'd ask, brat.

You already know what I want.

Yeah. You want to know what I know about what happened earlier. But, Rai…

What? You think it's better for me not to know? I beg to differ. Do you really think it's good for me to have unpredictable panic attacks? One could strike during the fight at the Tower of Salvation - actually, it almost definitely will at this rate, if I'm right and this has something to do with Mithos. Especially since he'll probably recognize me, even if he thinks I'm dead so far.

That's true, Akira admitted. But I...I can't just...it's not that simple, Rai. What you went through back then...it almost broke you. It was worse than anything I went through as a child, and look how messed up I am. He laughed bitterly, insofar as he could inside Rai's head. I would have thought that at least in rebirth, our luck could have changed. But no, just like with me, you were pushed to your limit, and were forced to break yourself into pieces to survive.

A realization was dawning on Rai, one that he had probably already known on some level. That's why the voices exist.

Yeah, Akira said quietly. Well, at least that's why W exists. You've probably guessed by now what he is. 

Rai did have his guesses. But he said nothing, and after a moment Akira continued.

That scared, broken child is all that was left of your innocence. I tried to help as much as I could, but in the end there was no way for such a young child to survive such pressure sane, without withdrawing somehow, somewhere. By the time Raine found you, you were damaged, an empty shell of yourself.

You're talking like W is the real me, Rai snapped, and the one talking to you now is a shell. Well, this is me now, and if W is so broken and weak then I don't need him anymore. In fact, I've probably been better off without him.

Rai could feel Akira's sadness and pity in his mind, but his past self said nothing.

What? If you've got something to say, spit it out, Rai insisted, annoyed.

Rai...Akira sighed. Look, even if you were originally a construct created by your mind as protection because it couldn't handle the situation - that's all just wordplay. You're as real as I am. Of all people, I would know that. Maybe you've guessed from the memories you've gained from me so far, but I had this same problem. Whatever part of me was sensitive and hesitant and cared about other people was beaten out of me and forgotten in the corners of my mind, because to survive in the world I needed a harsher personality. I needed to be the man I wanted to be, a man who could kill the stepfather who abused me, who could crush anyone who offended me, and keep from exposing myself again. It's not that simple, of course. The human mind is fucking complicated. Did you know this was actually the reason I went into medicine? He scoffed, but Rai could hear a note of grief in his voice. Fat lot of good that did me in the end.

But anyway, Akira continued, W isn't something you can just get rid of. The other voices, which you've unconsciously used to store logical patterns to fall back on, aren't full-fledged personalities like him. Whether you want to consider him as the 'real' one or not, he's still an existence very close to your core. He's part of you. You'll have to coexist with him somehow, otherwise things are going to get...He paused. ...Bad.

What did you do?

...I think it was different for me, Akira hedged. It seems like this is affecting you differently partly because in this world, the brain and the body work so oddly. With mana entering the mix, some things just seem supernatural and impossible to me even still. But either way, I...I was fucked up. God, now that I'm out of that hell, I can see it...He shuddered. The last few years of my life weren't pretty, Rai. You don't want to emulate me.

Then what the hell am I supposed to do?! Rai screamed in his mind, frustrated beyond belief. Not only was there a stupid, crazy entity in his mind, but it turned out that entity was the real thing and he, Rai, was only a construct? He was still having a hard time wrapping his mind around the implications.

Calm down, Akira hissed urgently. The last thing you want right now is for W to show up again, dammit. That's why I'm so scared of telling you exactly what happened. I think if you remember it all at once, you might break...again. Anyway the results are totally unpredictable. Just...just know this - the solution isn't to reject W outright and try to fall back on relying on stock patterns again. That's only going to make this worse. I think...somehow, we need to focus on getting W to heal. He is part of you, after all.

The 'real' me, apparently, Rai said bitterly. Akira chose not to respond to this, continuing his argument.

If we leave him like this, eventually he'll do something crazy and we'll both be dead.

Rai's head was pounding furiously now. He felt like pulverizing something. Fine. I don't know anymore, he said after a pause, and there must have been a note of finality in his tone because he felt Akira's presence diminish. Rai could feel the mana in his body flowing, pulsing restlessly with the desire to do something, provide some outlet for the confusion he was feeling, and he slowed his breathing, trying to calm it down. This furious mana was his so-called "physical" mana, he knew - the type he had such little control over. Spiritual mana, which allowed him to do magic, was the one he could control by pure concentration of mind, and allowed him to interact with mana in the air and cross distances of space. Physical, on the other hand, was far less useful - it sprang up when his emotions were roused, lending strength to his muscles. Less refined, but almost everyone used it. Now it was at an ultimate high, making his spiritual mana stir restlessly as well.

Across the clearing, he heard Kratos shift and knew that the seraph had probably detected the sharp spike in Rai's energy. He forced himself to calm down, and only after he had managed to soothe the mana to a more reasonable level did he notice that he had clenched his fists so hard that his palms were bleeding from his fingers digging into them. It stung, and as he glanced at the wounds he found himself thinking something he'd thought multiple times since they'd started this journey: I need to learn healing magic.

But first he needed rest. And so, after what felt like hours more of trying, he succumbed to an uneasy sleep.

By the time Genis stirred again, the sun was just peeking over the horizon and the day was on the cusp of becoming unbearably hot once more. He yawned and stretched, rubbing his eyes a little, and then glanced around their makeshift camp. His thoughts immediately went to Colette first - she still lay where she'd been last night, eyes closed - but when he went over to her and felt her forehead, it seemed to have cooled down and he breathed a sigh of relief. Hopefully she was just sleeping now and would wake up soon, perfectly fine. He wished he could do something more to help her with this, but it seemed this was just one more of those burdens that the Chosen had to bear on her own.

Surprisingly, Raine was still asleep, which was kind of crazy because usually she was up well before him. Or maybe not that crazy, he realized, glancing at Kratos kneeling beside Noishe, since she'd probably switched night watch shifts with Kratos at one point. Yesterday's ordeal had been pretty crazy, after all. Sure, Remiel had given them that portal to warp to quite near the entrance, but that fight had been insane.

On that note - he couldn’t stop thinking about how something about Remiel totally rubbed him the wrong way. Yeah, sure, he'd been awed by the angel when he first saw him and all that - but the more he observed him, the more he seemed like an arrogant bastard. Genis himself had been the one to ask whether Remiel was Colette's father, but it seemed suspicious the way the angel kept strategically bringing that up to string Colette along. Not to mention that he seemed to think of himself as above them - he might not even be trying to hide it. Okay, fine, he was part of Cruxis, but that didn't mean he was a god.

Genis wondered if he should wake the others. He glanced at the sky and decided that they could probably sleep for another hour yet, and hopefully Colette might be better by then too, so that they wouldn't have to carry her while she was still sick and in the heat of the desert to boot. He stood from where he'd been kneeling by Colette and walked over to the other side of the remains of the fire, towards Kratos, pausing by Rai and Lloyd. The two of them were both in the shade of a large rock, facing away from each other and evidently fast asleep. Genis was about to move on when he noticed something and leaned closer to Rai, furrowing his brow a bit in confusion. There was a splash of crimson on his half-open palm, and upon closer inspection Genis realized it was blood from deep scrapes across Rai's lower palm, seemingly from his own nails. Carefully, he extricated Rai's other hand and curled his brother's fingers open, only to find a similar result. He felt a pang of worry. Had Rai done this to himself in his sleep? Could he have been having one of those dreams again?

Thankfully, the Triet Ruins were located by a small oasis, and there was some water available. Genis took a trip to it to a soak a washcloth before returning to Rai and gently cleaning the blood off his palms. The wounds seemed to have mostly closed up during the night, but if Rai was planning to use his sword today or even fight hand-to-hand they would definitely sting. Genis grabbed some clean cloth from his pack and bound the wounds carefully, hoping that would help. As finally finished and stood, sighing, he noticed Kratos's eyes on him and walked over to the mercenary. "Good morning," he greeted him. Kratos didn't respond, as expected. It took several more moments before he spoke at all.

"Is Rai injured?"

Genis studied him suspiciously. "Yes, but it's not very serious. Just his hands. I was going to ask Raine to help heal them when she wakes up, although they'll probably need a bit of time to heal fully even so. It seems like his nails must have been digging into his palms when he slept."

Kratos's eyes flitted downwards. "I see," he murmured, sounding somehow regretful. Genis could feel the questions burning inside him and stopped himself from asking them. He still hadn't been able to figure out Rai's connection with this man, other than the fact that they'd almost certainly known each other somehow before Rai had come to live with Raine.

"Wait, Rai's injured?" This was Lloyd's voice. Genis walked back over to him.

"Hey, you're up. Yeah, I don't know when it happened."

Lloyd sighed, glancing over Rai's shoulder at his hands and shaking his head. "Well, those definitely weren't there last night," he sighed. "Don't tell me he's been dr-" He stopped, glancing at Genis guiltily.

"I know about his dreams, Lloyd," Genis said in a low voice. "Not what they're about, but enough. How could I not know by now?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Lloyd admitted. "But you'd think if he dreamt last night and somehow did this to himself, I would have noticed..."

Genis sighed too, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. "You know, I guess I'm actually glad you guys get along now. Now I don't have to worry about this ungrateful guy all on my own."

Lloyd grinned. "Yeah, he is kind of annoying sometimes, isn't he? Like he doesn't want anyone to ever be concerned about him. He just closes up sometimes, and tries to push me away."

"Yup, sounds like him all right. Tries to act like the bad guy, right?"

"I can hear you, you know," Rai mumbled sleepily. He rolled over to face them and yawned, eyes opening to slits. "If you want to have a conversation without waking me up, then don't do it right next to my damn ear."

Genis couldn't hold back his giggle, though he muffled it with his hand. Lloyd was a bit more tactful, though there was laughter in his voice too. "Hey, sorry. Did you sleep okay?"

"Honestly? No. I feel like shit," Rai muttered, sitting up and pressing two fingers between his eyes. Then he winced and glanced at his hands. "Oh, right..."

"What do you mean, 'oh right'?" Genis said immediately. "Do you know how you got injured?"

"Did you clean these up for me, Genis?" Rai asked. "Yeah, I just...without knowing it..."

"So you weren't asleep, then," Genis guessed. "Still, you should be more careful. What on earth were you thinking about to be clenching your fists that hard? Your mana must have been pretty roused up. A little much even for you."

"Nothing important," Rai said without inflection, and Genis knew he'd be getting no more out of him on this subject. Lloyd seemed to be giving Rai a knowing look, but Rai didn't acknowledge it at all. Genis wondered again whether something out of the ordinary had happened on their end after the rockfall. If it had, though, they obviously weren't telling.

"Well, I guess we should go ahead and get going, then," he said when it was clear that nobody was going to say anything else. He strode over to Raine and gently shook her awake. Her tired blue eyes fluttered open immediately, and her first reaction was to turn worriedly to Colette. Genis held back a fond smile. His sister could be hard as nails at times, but she truly cared about all of them.

Raine hovered over Colette for a few moments before the Chosen stirred. "Everyone?" she asked weakly, her voice confused. Raine helped steady her as she sat up, and Lloyd immediately raced over to her side.

"You collapsed after we came out of the ruins," Raine explained. "Are you feeling better now?"

She still seemed confused for a few moments, then blinked and seemed to come to a realization. "Oh. Yes, I - I feel perfectly fine. I'm so sorry..."

"Stop apologizing, you dork," Lloyd said, but his voice was full of affection and relief. He put his arms around her and she returned the hug lightly. Genis smirked a little and shook his head.

"Well, then, let's get going," Rai said. His voice had become cool again, and Genis couldn't help but send him a look. He felt like his brother had always been a bit too cold towards Colette. Genis had a hard time understanding this, as she was the nicest, most genuine person he knew, but then again Rai had also been at odds with Lloyd for a long time. He was probably just being difficult.

After Raine had soothed the pain in Rai's wounds at Genis's behest, they packed up camp and set off, the desert sun already starting to beat down upon them. Kratos was still there, but he hadn't spoken since they'd left the ruins. Genis didn't know how to feel about the man; he seemed aloof most of the time, but he seemed to take his job seriously enough. Multiple times he'd saved one or more of the other party members at risk to his own life. 

The journey back to Triet was long and a bit quiet. They were all still tired out, despite the sleep, and the desert sun was merciless. Colette in particular was subdued, walking silently next to Raine, who put her arm around the blonde Chosen once in a while. Genis hoped Raine had it under control, whatever it was. Kratos brought up the back, his eyes constantly scanning the landscape for threats, and Lloyd and Rai and Genis were in a single file line in between, trudging on at a constant pace. They'd encountered some enemies when they'd first left the ruins, but everything had been clear and quiet for some time. Finally Genis dropped back to walk next to Lloyd, tired of the silence.

"So how'd it go for you guys after the rockfall?" he asked him, out of lack of words to say. Lloyd glanced at him with an furtive look on his face.

"Nothing much happened," he said. "We felt along the wall to get out and then set up camp to wait for you guys. I'm more worried about how it went on your end."

Genis knew Lloyd was hiding something, but decided to let it go. He'd just had that conversation with Rai about not prying into others' lies, too...He let out a sigh. "Yes, well, it was about as eventful as you'd expect," he said. "Stumbled through the rest of the ruins in the dark, found the seal room, fought a huge flaming lava beast - "

"Wait, what?" Lloyd's eyes went wide with excitement, just as Genis had known they would. "Nobody told me about that!"

As he described the experience to his enthusiastic friend, Genis felt some of the burden on his shoulders lighten. Regardless of what else happened, as long as he still had his friends, all was right in his world.

Chapter Text

Rai listened to the light conversation between Lloyd and Genis with one ear and to the stillness of the desert with the other, but his thoughts whirled chaotically.

He hadn't been able to use the communicator for quite some time. He'd reported to Yuan once, on the way to the ruins, but what with the rockfall and such he hadn't had the chance to do it again. He had to find some opportunity to sneak off alone when they got back to Triet, and to make sure nobody followed.

Then there was also the subject of ... of W. Having thought about that was the whole reason his palms still throbbed dully, and why he knew it would be extremely painful to fight with his katana. But he had to face it, Akira had said, unless he wanted to risk W taking over completely and getting them all killed. Allowing such a thing was completely unacceptable.

Rai had been able to train a little with his sword, taking the chance to practice whenever possible with Akira giving instructions from his mind, and its weight was starting to feel more familiar. According to his past self, when he became accustomed enough to it the sword would start to feel like an extension of his arm. As it was, though, he wasn't yet nearly good enough with it, and he currently had Akira on the lookout while he used it, controlling his muscles when necessary. 

Plus, he still hadn't been able to ask Kratos whether he'd gotten the Cruxis Crystal yet, or even figured out whether he could. The mercenary had disappeared multiple times - during the night particularly, he often vanished to "get some air" whenever there was another keeping watch - so for all Rai knew Kratos might already have the crystal by now. It was just a matter of talking to him about it.

And, speaking of that, he needed to first ask Yuan what he had been going to say about the transformation. Ugh, this was all so complicated…

On a more uplifting note, he'd also tested out his new gauntlets on the way to the ruins and they'd worked perfectly. Sheathing and unsheathing the attached claws was a mere matter of prompting them ever so slightly with his mana, and storing mana within them was easy as well. They had a limit, Rai could feel with his mana sense, but they should still definitely hold about twice as much mana as he normally had within himself. That meant that during a given fight he could have up to three times the amount of mana he normally did, which was an enormous advantage. He wondered if these gauntlets had been some sort of rare artifact and that the human selling them hadn't understood how valuable they really were, not being able to use magic himself. He'd been insanely impressed when Rai had proved able to extract claws from them, after all. Rai allowed himself a grin. At least things sometimes worked in his favor.

But he did need to obtain better clothes for fighting, he thought, glancing down at himself. Currently he was compensating by casting well-timed local Guardian fields and keeping a very thin layer of mana over his skin to blunt blows (although it couldn't completely block them); he also relied heavily on Raine's healing. But the mana layer also required an inordinate amount of concentration, which he was dearly hoping would get better with time. He knew clothes that provided magical protection, fueled in part by your own mana, could be found somewhere, but there had been no such garments in Triet. It made sense, he supposed; how would humans have access to that? The fact that they'd had some magical artifacts was astonishing enough already.

And he couldn't wait to get out of this desert. The heat and this stuffy cloak were both insanely annoying.

He heard a giggle from near him and realized it was Genis; his brother and Lloyd were now flanking him, grinning. Maybe they'd been trying to get his attention.

"You were off in your own little world again, is that it?" Lloyd teased, putting his hands in his pockets.

"I suppose so," Rai replied promptly, but he smiled a little to soften the words. "I've got a lot to think about," he added, and it came out a bit more darkly than he'd meant it to. Genis and Lloyd exchanged a look.

"Rai, can I talk to you later?" Genis asked him. "When we get to Triet?"

No, no, I need to talk to Yuan and ask Kratos and practice and...damn it. Out loud he said, "Sure. But I'll want to get some air first, though. So I'll be gone for a couple of hours."

Genis grinned and gestured widely around them. "You're not getting enough air right now?"

Rai kept his composure. "Night air," he amended. "Air that isn't sweltering hot."

"Oh," Genis said, deflating a little. "Well - I can come with you, then. We can just talk outside."

"No!" Rai said, and then paused and checked himself. He thought he heard Kratos give a short snort of laughter from behind them, though his face was completely impassive again as soon as Rai glanced back. "Sorry, Genis. I just...I meant I'd want to be alone for a while. I can talk to you afterwards."

His brother still seemed a bit suspicious, but he nodded. "Okay." 

Lloyd spoke for the first time in a while. "I actually wanted to talk to you about something, Genis," he admitted. "So while Rai is out getting his... air, just hang out with me." Genis grinned.

"Okay!"

Their voices died off again and for some time, the group walked on in silence. Rai sighed, flexing his hands a bit and trying to ignore the sting. He really did need to learn some healing magic, even if it was just minor pain-numbing stuff. He hoped he had the aptitude for it. If he didn't, it would be pretty ironic, he thought wryly, since Akira had been studying healing, hadn't he? Maybe he should talk to Raine about that now. Maybe he should apologize to Raine, actually. They still weren't really talking, were they? Maybe he'd been a little too harsh with her back in Triet.

Finally he made up his mind and walked forward to Raine's other side. "Raine?"

She ignored him, her gaze fixed on the Triet Oasis far in the distance, but her mouth hardened into a thin line. Colette, who was perhaps more perceptive than Rai gave her credit for, slipped back a little to walk with Lloyd and Genis, leaving Raine and Rai alone in front, a short distance away from the rest of the party. 

"I'm...sorry," Rai said. It still felt sour in his mouth, but seemed to get easier each time he said it.

"What for?" she asked tersely.

"Ah...for being rude to you?" he said uncomfortably. "You...you are my guardian after all. And you've been taking care of me since I was four. So I guess I was...out of line."

She didn't say anything for a few long moments, while Rai wondered what else he could possibly say to make her forgive him. Then finally she sighed, "You want something, don't you, Rai?"

He felt a rush of relief mingled with slight annoyance that she immediately assumed that. "This is the kind of thing that makes me think you don't really love me, you know," he said lightly, making sure she could tell he wasn't trying to pick another fight. "You immediately assume I have an ulterior motive." He paused, then admitted, "But...I guess you're actually right. I did have something to ask you."

Raine let out a long breath, but there was a hint of a smile on her face. "Yes, Rai? What is it?"

"Could you teach me how to use healing artes?" he said in a rush. She glanced at him in surprise.

"You want to learn healing?"

"...Yes. Well, it would be really useful," he admitted. "Do you think I have the...aptitude?"

Raine looked thoughtful. "Usually, it's said that to use healing artes you need a certain capacity of empathy and compassion for others," she said. And you lack that, went unsaid.

"But what if you're healing yourself?" he persisted. "I'm sure I could muster up the intent to heal myself..."

"I'm not sure it works that way," she sighed. "Still, it's not unheard of for people to master it anyway, though it may be more difficult for those of a certain temperament. We can certainly try. But first, Rai..."

He'd expected she'd want something in return. "Yes?"

She paused for a few moments and Rai fought the urge to fidget. What would she ask?

"Please know, Rai," she said finally, "that I do love you. It is true that I don't always understand why you act the way you do, but I've raised you since you were four and both you and Genis are almost like sons to me. If I am more overprotective of Genis, it is because I feel he needs it more, not because I prefer him over you. As far as I am concerned, we are all blood-related siblings."

Rai opened his mouth and closed it again.

He felt like an absolute jerk. He could hear Akira laughing, as he always did, and Future was saying haughtily, I told you it was a bad idea to be rude to her, if you would just listen…

Raine glanced at him and smiled. "It's okay, Rai," she told him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Don't be too down on yourself. I understand. I just don't want you to feel that I'm not on your side. And I'm sorry for slapping you, too, all right?"

Hell, I’m more than a jerk. I am literally the scum of the earth right now. ...Damn.

"I'm...I'm really sorry," was all he managed, finally. What else could he say to that? She smiled at him again.

"It's all right, Rai. But don't think this means I'll go easy on you! I hope you'll pay more attention to what I say from now on, young man."

He breathed out, relieved that the heavy mood was starting to dissipate it. "I'll try," he said, feeling more than a little off-balance.

"Just try?"

"I will," he corrected. "Sorry. I was just...I've been a bit on edge since we left Iselia..."

"I think we've all been," she agreed. "But as long as we don't lose sight of who we are, I think we'll all be fine."

And maybe, just maybe, Rai agreed.

Chapter Text

Genis had to admit that the Ossa trail scared him a little. 

Although he'd kind of had his fair share of being in less-than-inviting places before now, what with the Desian ranch and the Triet Ruins, each new area seemed to bring its own perils. Now that they were out of the desert and into a more habitable area, the poisonous vipers and scorpions seemed to have mainly subsided, but Genis could feel the presence of many other creatures in the vegetation here. It kept him tense, battle-ready, even as he tried to keep the group talking.

They weren't making it easy for him, either. Lloyd seemed to have remembered again that he'd been worried about Colette, because now he was just trailing after her like a watchful bodyguard, and of course Kratos was as impassive as ever. Genis had hoped he'd at least be able to strike up some conversation with Rai, but his brother appeared weirdly tense and distracted. 

Although maybe it wasn't that weird now - he'd just been weird in general ever since all this Regeneration stuff had started. 

Genis sighed a little and quickened his pace a little bit to catch up with Raine, who was walking in the lead with her blue eyes narrowed critically at the path ahead.

"Do you know how long this trail is, Raine?" he asked, for lack of something to say. She answered without taking her eyes off the road.

"It'll take us until nightfall to get through it, most likely. Factoring in a short stop in the middle to get something to eat."

Genis nodded, having expected something like that. "Hey, Raine - did you notice it seems like there are some underground catacombs here?"

She gave him a brief, approving glance. "Yes, Genis - you're right. They were left behind by the same ancient civilization that left so many other ruins - most likely some kind of mining tunnels. That's about all that's been documented about them."

Lloyd, a few paces behind them, seemed to perk up at this. "Woah, tunnels! Professor, can we - "

"No," Raine said in mock exasperation, not even letting him finish. "Lloyd, this journey is perilous enough as it is. We don't need to go looking for trouble."

Lloyd looked crushed. "But - "

"It's okay, Lloyd," Colette murmured. "We can always come back later, after the Regeneration."

Lloyd looked a little appeased. "Ah, yeah, you're right," he chuckled. Raine didn't look at either of them, something tired and sad lining her expression, and Genis felt a heaviness in his chest that he didn't know how to voice. On impulse, he glanced back at Rai, who was trailing behind at the very rear, but his brother didn't even seem to be paying any attention to the conversation. 

Genis wondered how Rai could pride himself on being so analytical and observant when half the time he quite literally didn't perceive things that were right in front of his face.

He decided to try again, slowing his pace until he was back next to Rai. "Hey, what's wrong with you today?" he probed softly. Rai blinked like he was waking up from a trance and then looked at Genis.

"I'm just worried about the Journey," he said, in that light tone he always used when he was making excuses. Genis sighed.

"Rai, can you do me a favor?"

His brother's green eyes turned wary. "What is it?"

"Don't lie to me. I understand you can't tell me everything, but then just say so, say that you can't tell me. I want you to stop lying."

Rai said nothing, his expression neutral. Genis kept eye contact for a few more moments and then let out all his breath in frustration.

"Am I really asking something so hard, Rai?"

Rai simply looked at him for a few more moments, during which Genis tried and failed to read his expression. "I guess I shouldn't lie again in response to this," he eventually joked, and Genis could have hit him. "Anyway...look, Genis. I'm different from you. What you're asking may seem obvious to you, but it's not necessarily that easy for me."

"Because it's so hard to just not lie when I already know every time you lie anyway," Genis said sarcastically, letting some of his frustration bleed into his tone.

"If you really do know when I lie, it shouldn't matter either way," Rai pointed out maddeningly.

"That's not the point," Genis insisted. "It's about the principle of the thing. Lying feels like you don't trust me. Lying feels like you think I'll be fooled. Do you really not understand how well I know you, Rai?"

Rai's eyes flashed and Genis knew he'd hit a nerve. "No matter how well you know me, you still don't know everything," Rai said in a low voice. He kept going when Genis tried to speak. "Let's stop arguing, Genis. I feel like we hardly ever talk without arguing anymore. Can't you just let it go?"

Genis glared at him but subsided, turning his gaze back to the front and noticing the uncomfortable silence from the rest of the party, who had obviously heard the whole conversation but were trying to pretend they didn't exist. Genis sighed, and Lloyd let out an awkward laugh.

"Ah, so...wow, the sky is just so blue today, isn't it guys?"

Genis closed his eyes. "Lloyd. Shut up."

"Hey, it is, though!" Lloyd protested.

"Wow, you're right, Lloyd!" Colette exclaimed. Genis rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, such a surprise after it having been blue every other day before this," he drawled, flitting his eyes to Rai. His brother was directing an icy look at the back of Colette's head. Genis elbowed him.

"It really is, though," Colette chirped sincerely. "It's so pretty, it surprises me each and every day." Genis couldn't help his wince. He snuck another look at Rai, who now looked downright murderous.

Yeah, this would be a long day.

Lloyd had been giving him weird looks quite literally nonstop ever since his conversation with Genis, so Rai wasn't too surprised when the swordsman drew him aside as soon as they'd made camp for the night.

"Rai, can I talk to you?"

"Do I even have a choice?" Rai said wryly, even as Lloyd turned to lead the way without waiting for his response. Resignedly, Rai followed. He didn’t particularly want to deal with Lloyd right now, not while he had so many other things on his mind - why hadn’t Sheena been here? Still, maybe it was best to just hear Lloyd out and get it over with.

After they were several paces away from the others, Lloyd turned and met his eyes squarely. "Rai, I agree with Genis."

Well, that much was obvious. Rai waited, but Lloyd didn't continue. 

"So?"

There was a hint of confusion in the other's eyes. "What do you mean, 'so'? Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"Well, of course you agree with him," Rai pointed out. "What about it?"

"You don't seem like you agree."

"I don't," Rai confirmed. "Again, what about it?"

Lloyds gloved hands formed into fists. "Stop acting this way."

"What way?"

He should have seen that punch coming, now that he came to think of it. Rai got to his feet, scowling heavily and rubbing his aching jaw.

"What happened to the person who was so against my getting injured before?" he snapped, feeling more hurt than was probably necessary. "You seem okay with aggravating the wounds now."

Lloyd looked slightly abashed, but only slightly. "You had it coming. Rai - do you lie to me, too?"

What a stupid question.

Rai opened his mouth to say 'of course not', but when he looked at the expression on Lloyd's face he didn’t quite manage to get the words out. His silence was answer enough.

"How can you believe that's right?" Lloyd said angrily. "You shouldn't lie to your friends!" When Rai still didn't respond, Lloyd's gaze darkened further. "Or is it that you don't consider us to be your friends?"

Tread carefully. "It's not that," Rai said, trying to sound as non-aggressive as possible. "Maybe we just define friendship differently. I don't think even a friend has the right to demand truth all the time." Even as he said it, he could tell just by looking that Lloyd didn't understand. Maybe I'm wasting my time here.

"It's not about demanding things," Lloyd insisted. "It's because if you're lying, that means you don't trust the other person. If you don't trust them, how can you be friends?"

"I don't even trust myself, Lloyd, how do you expect me to trust you?!" Rai snapped, then reigned in his temper with an effort. "Look, it's not that I don't trust your or Genis's intentions. But good intentions aren't enough sometimes!"

"I guess friendship is impossible, then," Lloyd shot back. "You won't even bother to show me your true self, or consider me a true friend."

Rai felt his expression harden along with his chest. "That's that, then," he said coldly. "You needn't try either." He turned on his heel.

"Wait - Rai - " It seemed to be dawning on Lloyd just what he'd said, but Rai wasn't exactly feeling very gracious towards him right now. "Rai, wait!"

Rai stopped in his tracks and turned back to glare at the other's grip on his wrist. Lloyd let go quickly and held up his hands, gaze imploring. "Sorry. Hold on - that's not what I meant, okay? Let me finish."

Rai didn't give him the consideration of an answer, opting to stare at him flatly instead. Lloyd rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"Eh, right, so. Look, I...this is hard for me, too, okay? Normally it's simple, people who lie or cheat or steal are bad people and I'm not friends with them. But even though you do things like tell lies and say rude things to people and...ah..." He looked apprehensive, but plunged onwards. "...anyway, you do some of those things, but I don't think you're actually a bad person! I - I know you're a good guy, Rai. I know you actually care, deep down...that's why I want to consider you a friend. But it's confusing, because from the things you do, you're not the sort of guy I'd want to be friends with. No - I mean! That didn't come out right - "

"I get it," Rai cut in, saving them both the trouble. Despite his efforts to hold on to his anger, it was waning fast. Lloyd was just such a well-intentioned, bumbling idiot that it was almost impossible to stay irritated at him. "It's hard for you to reconcile the discrepancy between my character and your paradigm of friendship with the fact that you consider me a friend."

Lloyd looked sheepish. "Ah...yeah? I didn't quite understand all those words, but I think so."

Rai sighed. "Okay. Fine. Is that all?"

"I...well." Lloyd's dark eyes held an apology. "So...truce?"

Come to think of it, Lloyd's eyes weren't all that dark, not compared to Akira's...they were closer to brown than black. Like a chocolate brown…

Why was he thinking about this? His eyes closed briefly. "Fine," he caved. 

"And...can you...try to be more truthful with me? Just try," Lloyd added hurriedly. "I understand if you can't always do it."

"Fine, I'll try."

That was a lie, too, but Lloyd's expression was so hopeful that Rai felt like a jerk. Great. I need to stop letting him get to me.

"Anyway, are we done now?" Rai threw over his shoulder, starting to walk back towards the camp. He was starting to think he was getting the hang of dealing with Lloyd now. He wasn't that difficult to predict…

"Can I touch your hair?"

"Ye - What?" Rai stopped walking and gave him an incredulous look. Akira was snickering.

"It looks really soft and shiny," Lloyd said, with no embarrassment whatsoever. Rai opened his mouth and closed it. "Not like mine," Lloyd added when he didn't respond.

Rai found his voice again. "That's because you slather it with gel every morning."

"I - how did you know?!"

The objection actually startled a laugh out of Rai. "Lloyd, do you actually think anyone would believe your hair could be so gravity-defying without it?"

"Oh. Yeah. Heh, good point." The hand at the back of the neck was back as Lloyd chuckled sheepishly. "So...anyway. Can I?"

He'd almost forgotten the question.

"No, but you're going to do it anyway, aren't you?"

"Yep!" Lloyd slipped off his gloves - at least he'd had the foresight to do that much - and tucked them into his belt. Then he reached out reverently and stroked Rai's hair.

"Lloyd, this is more than a little weird."

"Right, sorry, almost done!"

"Okay, that's enough. Any more and I'll start messing with your hair."

Lloyd's hands left his head immediately and his face split into a grin. "Your hair is soft."

"I'm starting to think you're actually insane, Lloyd Irving."

"What does ins - "

"Don't ask," Rai groaned. "Never mind."

"Hey, tell me!"

They bickered all the way back to camp, but to his chagrin, Rai wasn't genuinely irritated for a minute of it.

The dark, early-morning sky above was still, and there was no sound but for the wind sifting through leaves. For a few moments, the two figures standing in the shadow of a large cliff said nothing. Finally, the taller of two spoke.

"Yuan, I've told you many times. Although I'm looking past it in light of our friendship, you won't be able to keep this from Mithos for long."

The half-elf crossed his arms and looked away, his green eyes hard. "That's nobody's business but my own, Kratos. Or are you planning to move against me on your own?"

"You already know the answer to that. I care only about bringing peace to the two worlds, but the revival of Martel has no importance to me. I don't think she herself would have wanted to be brought back to life in this way."

At the mention of Martel, the pain in Yuan's eyes was obvious, but none of it bled into his speech. "Then we have nothing to discuss."

Kratos sighed. His friend wasn't going to be convinced. He knew that sooner or later, Mithos would find out that Yuan was the true leader of the Renegades who kept foiling Cruxis's plans, and he didn't particularly want to be around when that happened. Mithos would be absolutely furious, and his state of mind right now wasn't exactly the most sane…

"Oh, right. I wanted to ask you, Kratos - why did your group slaughter four of my Renegades? They wouldn't have engaged you in battle on their own."

"...Do you really think I will discuss that with you, Yuan?"

"No, I suppose not." Yuan's eyes glinted with suspicion. "I can only assume your group has something to hide. And considering certain...factors, I have a good idea about what it is. ...Be careful, Kratos. If you step wrong, your son's life could very well come into jeopardy."

Kratos stepped forward threateningly, his eyes flashing. "If you cause harm to him in any way, then your life is forfeit," he growled. 

Yuan held his gaze for a few moments, then amended, "It'd be a last resort, of course. ...Mithos is holding that over you as well, isn't he?"

Kratos only grunted noncommittally in reply. It was true, of course. Mithos Yggdrasill was a friend in name, but in reality he kept him close simply because he knew too much about Kratos to be safely made an enemy. Even Yuan was only safe because Mithos still believed he was on their side.

Still. If Yuan was going to use Lloyd as a bargaining chip…

"There's something I do need to share with you."

"What is it?" Yuan asked, his green eyes sharpening with suspicion. 

Kratos hesitated for a moment. "The child you refused to acknowledge fifteen years ago...He didn't die."

Something unreadable flashed in Yuan's expression, but there was none of the shock Kratos had expected. "I know," he said stiffly. "I encountered him recently."

Kratos rallied quickly. "You're probably curious about why he's still alive. As you know, I initially brought him back to Cruxis as my own son. However, Mithos was getting too heavy-handed with him, so I placed him elsewhere. Mithos believes he is dead."

"Why are you telling me this?" Yuan asked coldly, still not meeting his gaze.

"He's your son, Yuan!" Kratos snapped.

"I have no son!" Yuan snarled, his eyes snapping back to meet Kratos's.

"Denying it won't make it untrue."

"He's dead to me, Kratos. It was that way when you brought him to me fifteen years ago, and it's the same way now."

"How can you be so irresponsible?!" Kratos snapped. He wanted to physically hit Yuan until he came to his senses. "Refusing to acknowledge him back then was bad enough, but your son is alive and is nearly an adult now. You can't just hide from that."

"Why had you led me to believe he was dead for the past ten years, then?" Yuan shot back. "Until a few days ago, I had no idea he was alive!"

"I knew that you had never wanted him, so I thought it was best to tell you that. Since I left him and did my best to forget him for ten years, even I didn't know if he was still alive. But now I've stumbled across him again through sheer chance, and somehow he remembers me." His voice was thick with despair now. "I did him so much wrong, and - the boy still thinks I'm his father, Yuan! He deserves the truth at least!"

"I assume you're talking about me?"

Kratos's blood ran cold as Rai stepped into view around the tall outcropping, face shadowed by the dim evening light. How had he not noticed him approaching? Had he really been that distracted?

"Cat got your tongue, Kratos?" Rai said, sounding faintly amused. The composed expression on his face was entirely unnatural. What he had just heard had to have shocked him terribly, but the utter lack of concern nonetheless present in his voice sent a chill down Kratos's spine. "So you weren't my father after all." He sounded mildly interested now, as if he was curious about something.

Frozen in place, Kratos darted his eyes to Yuan. The man's facade had finally cracked - he wore an expression of complete and total shock. Kratos couldn't blame him; Rai in this particular mode was rather unsettling.

Rai turned his face towards Yuan. "So you are my biological father. Interesting." He paused, then added, as if he had just remembered something, "Ah. I apologize for being alive," he said seriously. "I must have given you quite a nasty shock the other day. No wonder you were so surprised, I was wondering about that."

For the first time in more than a hundred years, Kratos saw Yuan absolutely lost for words. The half-elf simply stared at his son, his eyes lost. Both standing together in the same place like this, their resemblance was obvious. Rai looked more like his father than he did his mother; they had nearly the same nose and a similar overall facial structure, and their eyes, despite being different shapes, were precisely the same shade of green. Even his hair wasn't fully his mother's; although it was almost white, there was a hint of blue. Still, Kratos knew there was something about Rai's face, a soft beauty, that reminded him of the elf Yuan had become entangled with years ago.

Finally Yuan seemed to regain some semblance of control. "A-at any rate. Rai - you seem to have misunderstood something. I am not your father - "

"Please," Rai snapped. "Do not underestimate my intelligence. I'm hardly asking you to take responsibility or to publicly proclaim me as your son, but don't try to deny what's obvious."

Yuan looked weary. He raised a hand to his forehead, eyes closed, and then finally turned to Kratos. "Look, I - why don't we discuss this later? This has been a long day..."

There was nothing but pure exhaustion in the lines of his face now. Kratos couldn't blame him. He had not only recently found out that the son he'd rejected was still alive, but that very son had realized the same thing, appeared in front of his eyes and confronted him, acting like a soulless angel.  Rai cut in, unfazed. "We must meet again later, then. I have questions to ask you, Yuan. Even though I'm not asking you to act like a father, I think I deserve some answers at least."

Normally, Yuan would probably have refused, but at this point Kratos didn't think he would have the energy to object even if Rai insisted on going back with him right now. 

"Very well. I will return." Without another word, the blue-haired angel sprouted his wings and leapt into the air. Within a few seconds, he was out of sight in the darkness.

Raine had been planning to have a word with Rai when he got back about just wandering off on his own, but when her brother finally appeared on the trail she took one look at him and stopped short. Rai's eyes were blank, and he didn't even look at her as he walked slowly towards the fire, passing several people until he reached his pack. Then he wordlessly extricated his sleeping cloth and lay down, all without acknowledging her or maybe without even noticing she was there.

This behavior was starting to become more frequent, she realized, and it worried her. It was characteristic of Rai to be like this when something happened to shock or worry him, but the fact that it was a state he was now in almost more often than not was...both telling and difficult to explain. The Journey might be stressful, but not enough so to merit this. What was going on with her brother these days? Raine cast her mind back. This had first started around the time Kratos had come to the village - she still remembered the time when Rai had had that suspicious meeting with the man, and then retreated into his shell afterwards - and had continued, on and off, throughout the Journey. There had been the morning they set off, the time after that incident with the Desians, the time just after the Triet ruins, and now...it was all too often. What did all of these incidents have in common? The one with the Desians she thought she might understand. The others, however, seemed unrelated. She could only conclude that there had been other factors she hadn't been aware of.

Raine made up her mind. She'd wait to bring this up to Rai, but if she couldn't find out from him then she could at least ask Lloyd and Genis, one or both of whom was sure to suspect something. Genis had been close to Rai for a long time, and she had to admit that he was better at reading their brother than she was, and Lloyd had also grown quite friendly with him of late. She'd have to bring it up.

She couldn't help but notice, too, that Kratos was also absent. Had Rai encountered him again, and had they discussed something that had been disturbing? Rai had departed shortly after Kratos had - the mercenary supposedly to scout the nearby area for enemies and Rai to take a stroll - but on second thought, maybe it had been purposeful. Perhaps Rai had some reason to want to speak to Kratos alone, away from the rest of the group.

She thought back to the earlier argument between Rai and Genis and sighed. That, too, had been a long-standing issue - Rai's inability to be truthful even about the smallest of things - but it wasn't until now that it had become such a major problem. It seemed like Rai was hiding more from Genis than ever before, or perhaps Genis had simply become more perceptive. Either way, this didn't bode well for their relationship. Raine knew Genis wouldn't turn his back on Rai - he cared about his brother too much to do that - but feelings of hurt, of not being trusted, could run deep. It could form an irreparable rift in their relationship, and she didn't want that.

Not like what had happened with her…

She sighed. She had tried, she really had. Keeping her relationship with Rai good would have been hard enough if they'd had a stable one to begin with, but she'd never quite managed to establish one in the early years, because the young Rai had been almost more unpredictable than he was now. At least at this point she had some idea of what to expect from him; back then, she had been continually shocked and blindsided by his behavior. And the child, in turn, had sensed her mistrust and taken it to heart. She loved Rai, she really did, but she had to admit that there was a thread of misunderstanding between them, some level of wariness that they both had around the other - her because she had yet to understand aspects of him, and it was scary to think that she didn't know this child she had practically raised; and for his part, because - her heart gave a pang - he didn't truly believe she cared about him.

How ironic, she mused, that he associated her lack of trust and understanding in him with a supposed lack of love. The two didn't go hand in hand - Rai had to know this, as it was quite literally why he was arguing with Genis. She wondered whether he'd thought to apply it in this setting.

There had been a point in the beginning where she'd thought she had started to get ahold of what Rai was like, and how to handle him - but then that had occurred, and…

Raine shivered. She still couldn't understand, still couldn't begin to understand - how such a small child could view others' lives as so insignificant, like flies - how such a young child could have utter disregard for another race so thoroughly enmeshed in his very way of thinking. In hindsight, it probably had to do with whoever his guardian or guardians had been before he had come to live with her - whoever they were, Raine would kill them if she ever met them, because what did they do to the poor child - but at the time, she had been unable to react with anything but shock and fear and mistrust. She'd tried to hide it, of course, but Rai had always been uncannily perceptive - almost more so as a child, before he'd learned to systematically lie to himself as well.

She had reason to suspect Rai had been, for lack of a kinder way to put it, abused as a young toddler. The way he used to withdraw into an empty shell of himself, and shrink back from her touch when he couldn't see her, and a great many other signs (some of which he'd grown out of, others of which he never had) - she'd recognized them from what she'd seen of other half-elf children in the past. It was an unfortunate commonality, that half-elven children who were raised by elves or humans almost never had happy upbringings. It was hardly surprising that so many grew up bitter or insane.

Raine sighed and arched her back, feeling her stiff muscles scream in protest. She'd been sitting here a few hours now, and she was looking forward to Kratos getting back so she could catch some sleep. He'd switch off with her again in a few hours, of course, but Raine was exhausted, and the mercenary had ungodly stamina. She caught herself wondering sometimes if he even needed sleep, impossible as it was that he didn't.

She glanced over at Rai one last time, feeling that familiar constrictive pain, like someone had a fist around her heart and was compressing slowly. Tentatively, she got to her feet and made her way over to his side, kneeling next to him and pausing to look at his face. His eyes stayed closed, but she wasn't sure that he was really asleep. She hoped he was, hoped he wasn't lying awake still worrying about whatever had been troubling him. Gently, she reached out and brushed his hair out of his face, tucking it neatly behind one long ear.

Her hand brushed against something cold as she did so and she started slightly, then realized that Rai was wearing earrings. She wondered why she hadn't noticed it before - maybe because his hair covered them - and when had he gotten them pierced, anyway? It wasn't a big enough deal for her to be irritated that he hadn't consulted with her about it, but it still saddened her. Rai had been trying to make his own decisions since he was four - never had he once voluntarily asked her about anything.

They looked nice, though - silver. Rai's ears were exceptionally long, but having the piercing close to the base balanced them out a little bit - the overall effect was flattering. She doubted that was his reason for having them, though. She could sense a faint trickling of mana from the artifacts and had an inkling that they were enchanted. That was Rai, all right - ever practical. She sighed fondly, smoothing his hair a little more before getting to her feet again and making her way back to her post.

Though Raine did not notice it, Rai's eyes blinked open once her back was turned.

Chapter Text

The overpowering stench of fish permeated the air in Izoold, accompanied by the loud of chatter of fishermen and merchants going about their business. Too small to be a port town, and yet too large to really be just a village, Izoold was known all over Sylvarant for the quality of seafood, but not much else.

It was also an important waypoint between Palmacosta and the desert continent, which brought in visitors where the nonexistent tourism industry failed.

Currently, however, it didn't seem like many passenger ships were running. Most seemed to be in the business of transporting goods to Palmacosta, and the locals appeared wary of the party, even when they noticed Colette's presence. Rai knew it was mostly his fault - he was the member who looked most obviously non-human, and the villagers were obviously not fond of half-elves. Unlike in Triet, he got the feeling that here, people were more suspicious and hateful than they were scared.

Rai gagged a little as they neared the docks. The fishy smell was making his gorge rise, and he wasn't sure whether he'd be able to handle a sea voyage. He'd never even been on a boat - what if he got seasick?

I always used to get seasick whenever I was on a boat, so you probably will, Akira informed him.

Just great.

They asked around the docks with little success, though some of the fishermen pointed out that a few of their friends who'd return soon might have room for a few extra passengers. Finally the group retreated to the local inn for the night, exhausted. There were only two rooms, one of which was occupied, and each room had only two beds - it was a tight squeeze. Raine and Colette shared a bed, Genis shared with Kratos, and that left Lloyd and Rai to bunk on the floor.

Genis was out like a light as soon as they got there, and Lloyd seemed equally tired. Even Colette, who Rai was pretty sure might not have the ability to sleep anymore, lay down immediately and closed her eyes. Rai, for his part, felt completely not tired. And he was pretty sure he'd never be able to sleep with this stench anyway. Finally, sick of the stuffy atmosphere of the inn, he stepped outside, breathing in the cool (though still smelly) night air.

He'd only taken a few steps before some smelly kid barreled into him from the side, almost knocking him over. He scowled and the kid bowed immediately. "I'm sorry, sir!"

Rai almost didn't notice it, but at that very moment there was another presence just behind him and he whirled around just in time to see another kid removing his wallet from Rai's back pocket with such a light touch that Rai hadn't even felt it.

Rai gave the children an icy glare as they turned to flee and arrested the one with his wallet on the spot with a quick gravity spell before striding swiftly up to him and snatching the wallet back. There was real fear in the child's eyes as he tried to move his feet from the ground and found them unresponsive.

"You shouldn't live like that," Rai told him pointedly.

"Wh-what are you?" the kid demanded sharply. "Y-you're a filthy half-elf!"

Rai knelt down and put his face close to the child's. "So what if I am?"

"Get away from me!" the boy screamed. His friend was long gone, having fled as soon as he'd gotten the chance. The kid reached out to push Rai away, but Rai dodged the clumsy attempt.

"Don't touch me with those grubby hands," he said in disgust. "And be glad I'm feeling in a charitable mood today, brat. Keep in mind that I could kill you with a thought. You probably shouldn't mess with people like me."

The gravity spell had worn off by now, and the child seemed to have noticed because he immediately darted away, though not before giving Rai a look full of fear and hate.

Rai sighed and continued on his way, feeling a bit weary now. Couldn't he just take a nighttime walk in peace?

Apparently not, because he'd only made it partway to the docks when a rowdy crowd of men who'd obviously had a bit to drink showed up. He attempted to pass them by politely, but then one of them noticed him and any hopes of that were dashed.

"Hey, look'oo we 'av-ere," the man slurred, staggering to a stop and roughly nudging one of his companions. "One o' them. What's 'e doin' in a place like this?"

The other squinted at him and seemed to come to some sort of realization. "You're right," he said, and this one seemed a bit less drunk and a bit more control of his words. Louder, he snapped at Rai. "What are you doing here, half-elf?"

Rai realized that the people of Izoold probably wouldn't be convinced if he claimed to be an elf instead. "Move along, gentlemen," he said pleasantly. "I mean you no harm."

"Heh, I'll believe that when I see it," another of them snorted, moving closer to Rai. Rai resisted the urge to take a step back and met his gaze squarely. "He's a real pretty boy, isn't he?"

Rai surprised himself with a sudden wish that Lloyd or Kratos were here. God, you can handle yourself, Rai. Stop being stupid, he told himself. 

"You want to have some fun with us, pretty boy?" the man continued, grinning lazily and moving forward again, putting out a hand to touch Rai's face. This time Rai did step back, tensing and automatically getting into a battle stance. The men laughed as if a witty joke had been told. The circle was closing in around him, and Rai's eyes darted around the street. He thought quickly.

Gravity spells would be useless - casting one over such a wide area would hardly weigh them down for a second, and would take too much out of him for him to flee immediately after. Other than that, all he knew were spells to kill people…

He could kill these men easily, and looking at their ugly leers as they advanced towards him, he wanted to. But he probably shouldn't be suddenly committing murder in a random village. Izoold did have a police force, after all, even if it was small. And if enough people fenced him in, they could probably take him down, especially as he could hardly massacre the whole village to prevent them from arresting him. 

One of the men took a swing at Rai and Rai dodged easily, thankful for his physical training sessions with Lloyd and Kratos. He could feel the weight of his sword at his side, but using that would also be deadly. The men would never come out of this alive. Could he kill all of them at once? There was a chance that one or more would escape, though, and then there would be witnesses. They'd never let him on a boat, then, that was for sure. Rai narrowed his eyes in frustration, dodging another lunge from the man and trying to ignore the jeers and raucous laughs from the rest of the group.

Why had he never learned to disarm without killing?

He might have been able to do it had it been only one man. But if he tried to engage them in a serious fight right now, like this, five on one, Rai knew he'd end up landing a killing blow on at least one.

Akira might be able to do it. But his past self appeared to be unresponsive right now, probably resting or thinking about something else. No - for now, Rai was on his own.

Just as he had resigned himself to just trying to kill them all as quickly as possible and hoping none escaped - he'd even mustered up the magic, letting it flow out of his core and into his fingers - another figure swept out of the shadows, expertly spearing one man in side of the neck with a hand and kicking another at the back of the head. Both went down, unconscious, and the other three gave yells of anger and rushed at the new figure. Rai took action, too, kneeing one of the men in the groin and hitting him on the head with the hilt of his sword when he went down, taking him out cold, and by the time he'd done that the mysterious cloaked figure had already taken out the last two men.

The figure turned towards him, face obscured both by the dark hood he was wearing and the darkness of the street. Rai walked a bit closer and inclined his head. "Thanks," he said. "You really helped me out there."

The mysterious person said nothing, but reached up and pushed the hood back, and Rai felt a thrill of shock. This was not a man, as he'd initially assumed. Instead, there was a female in front of him - an elf, he realized. Her face was exquisite, perfectly sculpted, her hair pale - though telling its precise shade was impossible in the low light - and, as he realized in the light of the moon, her eyes were a striking violet.

"You're - an elf," he said finally.

She inclined her head and made to walk away, but he reached out almost without realizing and caught her at the wrist, then let go when she flinched away, feeling sheepish. "Sorry. But - please, at least tell me your name. I'd like to repay the favor."

The elf finally spoke, her voice a rich lilt that gave Rai a tingling feeling down his spine. "I am Aalissi," she said, words accented. "And you needn't repay it."

"I want to," he insisted, feeling like it was imperative that she didn't walk away. "Please, at least stay and talk to me a for a while. I've never met an elf before. It - it's truly an honor, Aalissi."

She turned and seemed to really consider him, his violet eyes pensive, and he held her gaze calmly despite the way his heart was beating like a drum. "You are?" she said finally.

"My name is Rai," he responded carefully. He tried to say it closer to the way it was meant to be said in the elven tongue, but he wasn't sure he'd gotten it right.

"Rai," she repeated, and hearing his name in its lilting elven pronunciation, in her voice, did something to his insides. "Bearer of lightning." She sighed and dropped her gaze. "I can see you're not going to back down. Would you like to relocate to the docks? I feel we can speak better there."

"Of course," he said quickly. She started walking and he fell into step beside her.

When they reached the edge of the water, the elf walked down to the shimmering ocean and sat on the edge of one of the docks, letting her toes barely skim the water, and after a moment Rai followed, settling down next to her, though he couldn't dangle his legs down. 

"You have a beautiful name," he told her, and she gave him an unreadable look. To his dismay, she seemed entirely unaffected by the compliment.

"Thank you, Rai." He felt his stomach flip-flop a little again at the way she accented his name. "May I ask why you were not fighting those men?"

He sighed. "I was afraid I'd kill them," he admitted. "Thought that wouldn't help my case any. The people of this village already hate me enough for being a half-elf without adding murder to the list."

"I see," she murmured, and looked away, over the water. "I'm sorry if I appear standoffish, Rai. The tainted are not usually welcome among elves. But as an outsider to my people, I have no right to judge you."

The ‘tainted’…ah, the half-elf prejudice again. "I don't mind," he said quietly. "I'm used to it."

There was a pause, and then Rai said, "If I may ask, what brings you here? I hadn't thought there were many elves left in Sylvarant."

"I left my village," she admitted. "The location is secret. My next step is to find a vessel that might take me to Palmacosta."

"That actually happens to be the way I'm headed, too. Maybe we should find a ship together."

She hesitated, and Rai knew she was considering it. It couldn't be comfortable for a girl like her to travel alone, no matter how good a fighter she was. "Is it just you?" she asked finally, and Rai realized what the problem was.

"No," he said quickly. "I'm traveling with a group. My brother and sister, and three other people besides."

"Are you all tainted - I apologize - half-elves?" she asked. 

"No, only myself and my siblings. The other three are humans."

She nodded, violet gaze not giving anything away. "I see."

There was another pause, during which Rai looked at her unabashedly. She really was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen aside from his sister. He wasn't sure what to make of it.

Finally she turned and gave him an amused smile. "If you stare so much you'll wear a hole in my face, Rai."

He smirked at her. "You're pretty," he told her, hoping to startle a blush out of her, but she stayed perfectly composed.

"Those men seemed to find you quite pretty as well," she pointed out, and he started a little and then laughed.

"Low blow," he said lightly. "So are you really travelling alone, Aalissi?"

She nodded. "Yes. I've encountered my fair share of men and women like those. Many humans assume I am a half-elf; I'm told they can't tell the difference."

"That's right," he confirmed. "Humans can't sense mana signatures."

Her violet eyes showed wonder. "It's hard to imagine how that's even possible."

"I know what you mean," he agreed, leaning back slightly on his hands. "To me it's as natural as breathing."

They were relatively quiet for a while, listening to the quiet whisper of the wind and ocean and watching the moonlight turn the ocean crests silver and black. Despite the lack of conversation, it felt comfortable, sitting here like this with her, a reasonable person who didn't seem to care who he really was and what he was thinking. He glanced at her again sideways, noting the hair cascading down her back. It was silvery pink in the light of the moon, and there were several rings in her long ears, encrusted with elven runes. She didn't react to the scrutiny, except to eventually turn and meet his gaze, studying him just as he was studying her.

"You don't look part-human," she admitted after some time. "If it weren't for your mana signature, I'd think you were one of us."

"An elf, you mean," Rai said. "Yes. I have more elven blood than human, if that means anything."

She shut her eyes briefly. "Yes, I can tell," she said softly. "Your mana signature is like shadow and wind. Hardly any of it is tainted."

He was too impressed to comment on the continued implication that humans were somehow dirty. "You can tell that?"

Aalissi tilted her head ever so slightly. "Can't you? I can also feel your age, and the - " She stopped suddenly. Rai wondered what she had been about to say.

"How old am I, then?"

"Only just past a hundred and seventy-nine moons," she said, and smiled a little bit. "You're young."

He felt a bit ruffled at that, though it didn't show on his face. "You don't seem much older than me."

"You should know as well as I do that elves age differently than humans, Rai. But I'll satisfy your curiosity. I've just passed my two-hundred and sixteenth moon cycle."

Rai did some quick calculations in his head. "So you're eighteen years old, then," he realized. "Pretty young for an elf. Technically our age difference isn't much more than a blink of an eye..."

She inclined her head. "Yes. I forgot that you would be more comfortable counting in...years. I apologize for that."

"No problem." He paused, taking in her features all over again. She looked similar to him and yet different, the lines of her face finer, her lips fuller, her eyelashes longer. 

A human woman could never compare.

No wonder so many half-elves existed.

She laughed a little bit. Her laugh sounded like bells. "I can tell you're not thinking anything truly indecent," she smiled, "or I would probably smack you, young or not."

"You can read my thoughts, too?" he asked casually, suddenly alert. The smile didn't fade from her face, but there was something calculating in her violet eyes.

"Oh, just a feeling," she said lightly. Rai eyed her suspiciously, but let it go.

"So what made you leave your village?" he asked. "Don't you have any family there?"

He knew as soon as he'd asked it that he really shouldn't have. Her eyes grew sad. "I'd rather not speak of it," she said softly. "Suffice it to say that the only person who could have kept me there is no longer of this world."

"I'm sorry," he said, to fill the silence. He got the feeling she knew he didn't really mean it - her eyes cut to him in a sort of unreadable way, but she said nothing.

"You know, I wouldn't normally just start talking to a stranger like this," he admitted after a few moments. "And I get the feeling it's not too usual for you, either."

"You're right," she acknowledged. "But it's understandable. You're young, and you're not used to seeing others like you. And I have been navigating alone amongst humans for too long. It's almost a relief to meet a fellow elf - or close to it."

He wished she'd stop calling him young, but bringing it up would sound petty and just make him seem even more childish, so he said nothing. She was giving him an amused look, though. Again he had the strong, odd feeling that she could read his mind.

"I should probably go," he said finally, starting to get to his feet. "Are you staying at the inn here?"

"Yes," she said, taking his offered hand and allowing him to pull her up.

"I'll walk back with  you, then."

She inclined her head ever so slightly, and they walked back through the dirt roads of Izoold towards the town entrance, where the inn stood. Neither said another word, but Rai could feel that she was at ease, too, the swirl of her mana calm and relaxed.

...An elf. He'd met an elf.

Maybe this walk hadn't been so useless after all. 

Last night when Lloyd had gone to bed, he hadn't seen Rai anywhere, but when he awoke to the calls of fish vendors outside and the exuberant cries of seagulls, the half-elf lay on the floor next to him. He probably hadn't gone to sleep this way, but he was now facing towards Lloyd, and the fingers of his outstretched arm nearly brushed Lloyd's shoulder.

The most astonishing thing, though, was that Rai appeared peaceful, and not only that, but Lloyd thought he might even have a slight smile on his face.

Could he finally be having a good dream instead of a nightmare? Lloyd wondered. Fascinated, he watched to see if the expression would go away (and tried, for several minutes, to decide whether he was imagining it), but it remained for quite some time, until finally Rai sighed slightly in his sleep and then stirred, seeming to wake up a bit. Then he yawned and stretched, arching his back like a cat before collapsing back onto the floor again with a wince and finally opening his green eyes. He blinked at Lloyd, who blinked back and only just then realized he'd been staring.

"Good morning," Rai murmured, yawning again. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah. It seems like you did, too, huh?"

Rai looked at him hazily. "I suppose so."

"You were smiling."

"Was I?" Rai shrugged and sat up slightly, then winced again and put one hand to his stomach. Lloyd followed his line of sight and realized that there was a fresh bruise on Rai's side, large and yellow and purple. He didn't know how he hadn't noticed it before. Anger bubbled up inside him, but it wasn't at the half-elf.

"Who did that to you?" he said tightly, not even bothering to conceal the anger in his voice. Rai eyed him warily.

"What makes you think someone did it?"

"You're not clumsy, there's no way you got a bruise like that on accident. Someone did that last night," Lloyd told him with certainty in his voice. "Who was it?"

Rai didn't say anything for a few moments. Then he sighed and glanced around the room. Nobody else appeared to be awake.

"I guess there's no harm in telling you," Rai said finally, but his green eyes were guarded. "Some men tried to...mess with me last night when I went out for a walk."

Lloyd knew that 'mess with' was probably a gross understatement. He could feel pure, unadulterated fury rising inside him. "I'll kill them."

"Calm down, Lloyd," Rai said wearily. "Nothing happened. I was holding back a bit because I didn't want to accidentally kill them and one got in a lucky hit, that's all."

"If I'd been there, I wouldn't have let them lay a single hand on you," Lloyd growled. Rai looked a little surprised.

"Yes, well, I'm sure you have the skill, Lloyd. But I'm starting to be glad you weren't there. I'm afraid you would have killed them all."

"Scum like that would probably have deserved it," Lloyd muttered, but the statement had taken the edge off his anger. He probably wouldn't really have killed the men, but he'd definitely have felt like it. He was getting sick and tired of people treating his friends like second-class citizens.

Rai was smirking now. "What?" Lloyd demanded, a bit defensively. He knew that look.

"That's adorable, Lloyd," the half-elf teased. "Trying to be my knight in shining armor. I'm impressed."

"Sh-shut up," Lloyd said, blushing even if he knew it was only a joke. "You know what I meant."

Rai's eyes were still amused, but there was a hint of seriousness in his voice, too. "I appreciate the sentiment, Lloyd, but you should probably get used to these things. You know half-elves like me aren't exactly popular."

"It's stupid, though," Lloyd insisted. "Anyway, any person who wants to be a jerk to you because of that will have to get through me first. And all the others."

The half-elf shrugged, though he didn't seem genuinely annoyed. "Fine, don't say I didn't warn you," he sighed. Then he yawned again, opening his jaws wide and narrowing his green eyes to slits.

"You're like a cat," Lloyd blurted before he could help himself. Rai threw him a look that was both startled and amused.

"Am I? I guess I need a tail and some cat ears," he purred. His voice held a hint of something Lloyd couldn't place and he blushed without quite knowing why.

"I was just saying."

"If I'm like a cat, Lloyd, then you're like a dog," Rai pointed out. "No wonder we never used to get along."

"I'm pretty sure that was your fault, though," Lloyd corrected him. "You still haven't told me why."

Rai got to his feet, not addressing this. "Anyway, we should probably go and start looking for a ship to Palmacosta again," he said, and just like that, the conversation was over.

When Raine finally awoke, silently and without motion as she always did, it was to low voices conversing. It took her a few moments to place them as Lloyd and Rai. It seemed like the two were getting along better now, which was a relief. Raine had gotten tired of trying to convince Rai to accept Lloyd back in the village, but the other boy had always been a bit of a sore spot for her brother. She'd never quite figured out why.

"Who did that to you?" Lloyd said suddenly, his voice suddenly tense, though he kept it quiet. Raine felt her ears perk up, too.

"What makes you think someone did it?" came Rai's diversion, his voice as neutral as ever. She felt like sighing aloud. Why was her brother so difficult?

Even when Lloyd insisted, she felt almost certain that Rai would refuse to tell. So she was shocked when, after a short pause, he said, "I guess there's no harm in telling you. Some men tried to mess with me last night when I went out for a walk."

Raine felt a protective fury rise inside her at the thought of what might have happened. Rai's cavalier tone didn't fool her one bit.

"I'll kill them," came Lloyd's low growl, and she couldn't help but agree with him.

As she listened to Rai's reply, she felt mixed feelings. Anger that men had attacked her brother, but relief that there were others here who would protect him, who would get angry on his behalf. She'd been afraid that Rai's tendency to drive people away from him would be effective within the party, but it seemed he'd formed his own bonds anyway. She tuned back into the conversation when there was a pause. Then Lloyd said suddenly, "You're like a cat."

Raine almost laughed, but managed to keep quiet at the last minute.

"Am I? I guess I need a tail and some cat ears," her brother teased. There was no mistaking the suggestive implication in his voice. She blinked in shock. If she hadn't been pretending to be asleep, she would have reached over and smacked him. Not for the first time, she was glad this was Lloyd he was talking to - innocent, well-meaning Lloyd. Any potential double entendre would be lost on him.

When Rai stood up, effectively ending the conversation, Raine swung her legs over the side of the bed and got up as well.

"Good morning, boys."

Rai looked at her as calmly as ever, but Lloyd started guiltily and threw Rai a sheepish glance. "Morning, Professor," he said.

"I'm going to wash up," Rai threw over his shoulder as he left the room.

The next few minutes were a flurry as the members of the party awoke and began to get ready to head out. The hope was that they'd be able to find a ship to set sail on, whether as passengers or otherwise. The inn's bathing facilities were limited, so it took some time for all of them to take their share. Raine didn't have the heart to deny them, since the last time they'd had a real bath had been Triet.

Finally, though, they exited, fully dressed and each with their packs on their backs. When they reached the lobby Rai was already there, sitting on a chair in the corner next to -

Raine's heart stopped for a brief moment.

An elf.

The young woman was beautiful, as elves always were, with pale pink hair and striking violet eyes. She was dressed in white, the top baring her navel and shoulders and her slender hips wrapped in a skirt-like cloth, though Raine suspected there were shorts underneath it. Strips of cloth wound over her legs and belly, twining down until they tied into the traditional sandals Raine had often seen elves wear in the village. At the hollow of her throat was an intricate dragon tattoo, and she wore a large fan at her back, but Raine wasn't naive enough to think these were only for decoration.

Slowly, she approached them. "Who's your acquaintance, Rai?" she asked cordially.

Rai glanced at the elf, who got to her feet and bowed politely, strands of her long pink hair falling slightly into her face. "I'm pleased to meet you. My name is Aalissi."

"Wow, she's even prettier than you, Rai," Genis giggled. Rai glared at him, but Aalissi smiled behind her hand. Rai shot her a look of mock betrayal.

"I see," Raine said. "Nice to meet you. I'm Raine, Rai's older sister."

An odd expression crossed the elf's face, but she inclined her head. "It's an honor."

Lloyd bounded forward and extended his hand. "I'm Lloyd. Nice to meet you!"

She took his hand hesitantly as if unsure what to do with it, watching as he shook it up and down enthusiastically. "It is nice to meet you as well...Lloyd."

"I'm Colette! I'm sure we'll be the best of friends!" chirped the Chosen. Aalissi smiled back at her, but there was something odd in her gaze as it flickered to the jewel at Colette's throat. She said nothing.

"Aalissi will be coming with us," Rai said, not making it a question. Raine gave him a stern look and even the elf glanced at him disapprovingly.

"I apologize," she said quickly, addressing Raine. "What your brother means is that I request passage with you just until Palmacosta, since ships are difficult to find." She nudged Rai in the shoulder.

He didn't look at any of them, but Aalissi nudged him again, more insistently this time, and Rai said finally, "What she said."

Raine stifled the urge to burst out laughing.

"Of course that's fine," she said, smiling warmly at Aalissi. She wasn't without her suspicions, of course, but there were five of them and only one of her. Raine would have to be on her guard in case Aalissi was after Colette, of course, but she also couldn't think of any reason for an elf to be after the Chosen.

And to be fair, Raine was probably a bit biased. She already had a feeling Aalissi might be a good influence on Rai, who seemed to have warmed up to her quickly. That in itself made her think the elf was likely to be trustworthy. Rai wasn't one to trust people easily. The girl's mana was clear and bright and her manners impeccable. And more than that, each member of the party was trained in physical combat, so the only worry would be to make sure Colette was never left alone with Aalissi while she was travelling with them.

Realistically, Raine was probably just overthinking it.

And when she saw the way Rai looked at the elf girl, with a mixture of awe and interest and forced indifference, Raine couldn't help but smile.

Chapter Text

At least Akira had only been half right.

Sure, it seemed like the whole world was spinning sometimes, and his legs felt like jelly and it was a constant struggle to keep himself from throwing up. But it still wasn't unbearable. He wasn't really seasick...just a bit discomfited, that was all.

Rai retched and almost threw up over the railing into the ocean.

"Are you okay?" Genis lounged against the side of the ship nearby, taking his eyes off the frothing blackness of the night sea for a moment to glance at Rai. He seemed to be in equal parts amused and concerned. Rai didn't bother to answer him, and after a few moments his younger brother let out a sigh.

"Well, we'll be there soon, anyway," he said, obviously trying to sound reassuring. The effect was ruined a bit by the thinly veiled laughter in his voice.

"Not until tomorrow morning," Rai groaned. "There are a good few hours - " He cut himself off, afraid that he'd throw up if he tried to so much as utter another word, and braced his forehead against the cool metal of the railing, breathing slowly. It'd taken them all day to find a boat willing to take passengers to Palmacosta, and they'd only pushed off a few hours ago. Most of the trip was still to come.

Genis said nothing, but Rai could practically feel the grin he was trying to hide. "What?" he snapped finally.

"I'd never have thought the mighty Rai would be taken down by something as trivial as seasickness, that's all," Genis said offhandedly, shrugging his shoulders. The twinkle in his eyes gave him away.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Rai managed through gritted teeth.

"Only a little bit," Genis said quickly. 

"You like seeing your older brother weakened, is that it?" He swallowed back bile as the boat rocked suddenly to one side. Genis didn't meet his eyes. 

"Eheheheh...maybe?"

"God, how can Lloyd and the others be asleep?" Rai despaired. "At least Lloyd is entertaining, I'll give him that much. I could use him around a distraction."

"Maybe you get too distracted by him these days..." Genis muttered.

Rai gave his brother a surprised look. "Excuse me?"

"Oh, nothing."

He narrowed his eyes. "Don't get any funny ideas, little brother," he warned. Genis widened his eyes innocently.

"Would I ever?"

Rai only groaned and turned away again, shutting his eyes.

When Lloyd came to with a jolt in the dark cabin, it took him several moments to remember that he was on a ship, sailing to Palmacosta. He wasn't sure what had woken him, but when he sat up groggily and glanced around him the others appeared to be asleep. Genis, Raine, Colette, and even the newcomer, Aalissi, curled up in a corner…

But no Rai.

Lloyd deliberated for a while. Rai probably just wanted to be alone, anyway, and Lloyd's eyelids still felt heavy. He could just go back to sleep…

But the niggling feeling that he really should check on the half-elf anyway wouldn't go away, and so he sighed and got to his feet, a little unsteady as he adjusted for the rocking of the boat.

He got his bearings and made his way out of the cabin and up some stairs to the main deck. After emerging into the open air, for a few moments he just looked around and blinked, trying to adjust to seeing anything in this darkness. For a second he thought Rai wasn't there. Then his vision cleared up and he noticed a figure leaning against the railing on the left side of the boat, his pale skin standing out in the moonlight. Rai was almost glowing, Lloyd thought. He stared for a few more moments before Rai noticed him - actually, now that Lloyd thought of it, that was odd for Rai, since he usually sensed mana signatures far quicker than that - and turned his head slightly to acknowledge him.

Lloyd walked forward, a bit apprehensive. Rai might be annoyed with him if he'd come out here to be alone, or something.

"What're you doing out here?" he asked carefully. 

"Being seasick," Rai grumbled weakly.

Ah. Now that he looked, he could see that the half-elf's complexion was slightly green and his bangs were plastered to his forehead. The bruise on his cheekbone stood out more starkly than ever, sending a pang of guilt through Lloyd's stomach as he remembered how he'd punched Rai at Ossa Trail. He probably shouldn't have.

"Have you tried lying down?" Lloyd ventured. "I heard that sometimes helps." He did have a feeling that he'd heard that somewhere, though he had no idea where.

"Didn't help," Rai said immediately. "And the air in there is stuffy. I can't stay inside."

"That's too bad," Lloyd said. He didn't know what else to say. Thankfully, he didn't have to.

"It's probably stupid of me to stay near the edge of the boat," Rai continued. "I should probably be trying to stay near the center so I'll feel less of the boat's motion. But there's nowhere to sit over there and I'd probably topple over without this railing." He cast a look of disgust at the deck. "And the floor here is disgusting."

Lloyd had to agree with him on that. "How come you'd fall?" he asked. "You feeling dizzy?"

"Dizzy, nauseous, my head's aching, ... " Rai counted them off on his fingers. "And I'm sweating bullets. The sea air was already disgusting enough without all this." Lloyd hid a smile. He felt like the next moment Rai would start complaining about how the sea was ruining his hair.

"Well, you could still stand in the center of the boat if you think it'll help. I mean, you could hold on to me so you don't fall," he offered. Rai eyed him consideringly. 

"Aren't you going back to sleep?"

"I can't sleep with you out here sick!" Lloyd exclaimed, then rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "I mean, and, uh, I also couldn't sleep anyway," he added quickly. Rai still looked pale and unwell, but the corners of his lips turned up slightly.

"I don't know if it'll even help, you know," Rai warned. "I've read that once motion sickness really starts, the only way to stop it is to get away from the motion. Not something I can do right now without jumping overboard. ...Honestly, that doesn't seem like such a bad idea right now..."

"Don't do that!"

"I was just joking," Rai amended, and Lloyd blushed a little, feeling stupid for not picking up on that.

"Yeah, well...you sounded serious," he defended himself. Rai snorted.

"When do I not sound serious?"

"...Okay, good point." There was a slight pause, during which both of them stared out over the ocean into the inky blackness. Then Lloyd said, "So are you sure you don't want to try going to like the middle of the deck, or whatever?"

"I told you it probably won't work."

"I still think you should at least try," Lloyd insisted. Rai sighed and looked at him.

"Why did I have to mention it? Fine. But if it doesn't work, then you have to go get some sleep."

"No promises there," Lloyd said. He wouldn't put it past Rai to pretend it didn't work just to get him to leave. Rai gave him a weak smile.

"I think I'm rubbing off on you," he said. "Fine, but don't blame me if you're tired tomorrow." He straightened up, pushing away from the railing, then stumbled and almost fell. Lloyd caught him by the arm to steady him.

"Woah, be careful."

"I'd forgotten how dizzy I get when I change position," Rai groaned. "Martel. I told you this was a bad idea." He didn't go back against the railing, though, just continued to unsteadily make his way towards center deck. After a moment Lloyd took Rai's arm and slung it over his shoulders to help him upright. He thought maybe the proud half-elf would pull away, but Rai just leaned into the support and kept on, even as beads of sweat trickled down his brow. Even the tips of his ears were green.

They made it to roughly the center of the deck and paused, standing unsteadily. "Maybe we should go against the wall of the cabins," Lloyd suggested. "It's a bit off from the center, but it might be better than being against the side of the ship." Rai just nodded, looking greener than ever. Lloyd helped him quickly to the wall and Rai slumped against it. 

"I think I'm going to throw up."

"Well, look on the bright side; the floor's so dirty already I doubt anyone will even notice," Lloyd pointed out, earning a half-smirk from Rai. Then he sobered up again.

"This is terrible," he moaned. "I can't wait to get back on land."

"They said we'd arrive tomorrow morning," Lloyd reassured him. "So...it shouldn't be that long now."

"About four hours left until dawn," Rai managed, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand. Lloyd stared. 

"How did you know that?"

Rai shrugged. "I've been counting hours. What else was I going to do with my time?"

Lloyd shook his head in wonder. "We don't even have any of those...time-keeping things, whatever they're called. You're amazing."

Rai shook his head. "That's hardly even a compliment coming from you, Lloyd. You think saying multiplication tables is amazing, too."

"Yeah, well, this is more amazing," Lloyd insisted. "I think you're even smarter than Genis."

"I'm also older than Genis."

"Just accept the compliment," Lloyd told him. Rai sighed. 

"And everyone calls me difficult," he muttered.

"Yeah, well, I can be plenty stubborn too." Something else occurred to him. "Do the others know you're sick? How come nobody else stayed up with you?"

"Genis did, actually," Rai said. His voice was shaky again. Man, the seasickness must be pretty bad. "For an hour or so. I ordered him to go to sleep after a while, though. And Raine wouldn't have come out on deck for anything, and at any rate I wouldn't have made her. The ocean - well."

"Wait, what?"

Rai gave him an incredulous look. "You mean you haven't - " He paused. "Never mind. Anyway, there's that, and then Colette asked me if I was okay but I told her to leave. Actually, I might have been a bit more snappish than I should've been..."

"You were rude to Colette?" Lloyd wasn't sure if he was annoyed or not.

Those green eyes looked at him steadily. "You know it's hard for me to deal with her."

And somehow, Lloyd did know, even if Rai's sometimes obvious contempt for Colette annoyed him. He knew Rai still tried to be considerate of her feelings. He sighed. "Yeah. I just don't understand why you don't like her."

"She acts all happy and fake all the time and it just annoys me."

Lloyd couldn't even deny it. "She just doesn't want to burden us," he said a little sharply.

"Yeah, well she should stop thinking of herself as some sort of superhuman, noble goddess when really she's just a person like the rest of us," Rai growled, then gave Lloyd an apologetic glance. "Sorry. There's no point arguing about this. We're not going to agree. I know Colette is important to you."

"...Okay," Lloyd sighed after a moment, shaking off the annoyance. "What about...your new friend? Aalissi?"

"She did ask if I was feeling okay," Rai admitted. "I told her I just had things to think about."

"Why didn't you tell her the truth?"

A bit of color came into Rai's pale cheeks. "I couldn't outright admit I was sick to her," he admitted. "Though she probably guessed anyway. It's not exactly subtle."

Lloyd watched him carefully. "Do you...like her or something?"

Rai gave him a surprised glance. "I hardly know her. But I guess she is pretty amazing. Yesterday - "

"I think you should be careful with her, Rai," Lloyd interrupted him. "I mean, like you said, we barely know anything about her."

"This coming from you, Lloyd?" Rai seemed amused, as though he’d forgotten he felt sick for a moment. "You're one of the most trusting people I know. What's brought this on?"

He wasn't sure himself. "I'm just not sure about her, that's all," he argued.

"Just out of curiosity, Lloyd. What's wrong with liking someone you barely know?"

"Why her, though?"

"She's gorgeous, powerful, intelligent. And she's an elf," Rai listed off. "What's not to like?"

"We've got people in our group that are plenty smart and attractive, too," Lloyd insisted.

"Like who?"

Lloyd's argument fizzled out. The Professor was Rai's sister.

"If I didn't know better, Lloyd, I'd think you were jealous," Rai teased. "What, do you have a crush on Aalissi?"

"What? No!" Actually, when he'd first seen her at the inn he'd felt something like dislike towards her, though the feeling had been gone a moment later.

"Are you saying you like me, then? I guess that's why you're so eager to hang out in the middle of the night like this."

It took Lloyd a moment to understand what he was saying. "W-w-what?" he stammered. "Rai!"

Rai laughed, actually laughed. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. It's just so easy to mess with you."

Lloyd couldn't decide whether to be angry or flustered. He settled for glaring.

"I'm sorry, okay? Don't be so sensitive." There was still laughter in his voice, even if he was apologizing. Lloyd smiled too despite himself. Why couldn't he stay angry at this maddening half-elf?

"Feeling better?"

"A bit. You have a way of distracting people, Lloyd," Rai smirked. "You're just so good at being a total idiot."

"Thanks - hey!"

Rai laughed harder and Lloyd tried hard to glare at him. The effect was ruined by the smile still tugging at his mouth. "You're insufferable," he said finally. Hell, he didn't even sound annoyed.

"You learned a new word."

"Okay fine, I guess it's 'make fun of Lloyd' day?"

"It's always that day."

"Can't I get a break sometimes?"

Rai grinned at him. "I'll consider it." Lloyd almost punched him in the shoulder before remembering he wasn't feeling well.

"You should be glad you're sick, or I would've hit you."

"Not the face again, I hope."

Lloyd sighed, letting his head fall back against the wall. "Yeah, yeah. I won't hit your precious face again, I get it."

"Look, it's still bruised." Rai pointed to his cheek.

"I'm sorry."

"This bruise is honestly worse than the one on my stomach, I'm just saying. It still hurts too..."

"Rai - ! Look, okay, you can punch me in the face, too. Go ahead, anytime you like."

"Meh, I have better ways of getting back at you without resorting to violence." Rai was still smiling, but there was something in his voice Lloyd didn't like. He eyed Rai warily.

"I don't like the sound of that."

"Anyone who touches my face has to reap the consequences."

"You're so vain. I don't know why I ever even worry about your getting hurt, you obviously do it enough on your own."

"What can I say? I'm pretty and I want to keep it that way."

"Arrogance isn't attractive, Rai."

"Girls like confidence."

"Confidence and being full of yourself aren't the same thing," Lloyd pointed out.

"Eh. Details." He shivered.

"Are you cold?" Lloyd asked immediately, automatically taking a step closer. Rai shook his head.

"No. I just feel like shit." He ran a hand through his hair, slicking his sweaty bangs back from his face. "I think I might actually hate the ocean."

"You shouldn't curse," Lloyd said suddenly, before he could stop to think about whether that might offend Rai. Rai just glanced at him.

"Why not?" he asked. There was nothing but curiosity in his voice. "You do."

Lloyd struggled to find words to explain. "Because...that's..." He paused. "Like, you look so perfect, and then you say words like that and it shatters the illusion."

Rai looked amused. "You're saying curse words are too ugly for my pretty mouth?"

"Yeah - no wait, that's not what I said! Stop twisting everything!"

"Basically the same thing." Rai blinked and glanced up at the sky. "It's not that I don't understand the sentiment." He added in a low voice, so softly that Lloyd almost didn't hear, "A certain foul-mouthed voice doesn't really help matters..."

"What?"

"Nothing." Rai ran a hand through his hair again. "Damn, my legs are killing me."

"Maybe we should just give up and sit on the ground," Lloyd suggested.

"No way. I'd rather jump overboard than sit on this deck. I bet the sailors haven't cleaned it even once."

"We can like...sit on my jacket, or something. I'll just rinse it off when I next get the chance."

Rai gave him a suspicious look. "Knowing you, you'll just put it right back on after. I'm not sparring with you if you do."

Lloyd grinned. "Fair enough. So is my jacket good enough for the high and mighty Rai to sit on?"

"Hmph. Just hurry up and take it off, then."

Lloyd complied, and a moment later they were both leaning against the wall side-by-side. Rai stretched out his legs with a sigh of relief.

"Oh my goddess. That feels so good. I was standing there for hours."

Lloyd just grinned at him. After a moment Rai cut him a glance. "Hey, no judging. I have standards, okay?"

"I didn't say anything."

The sun was finally starting to peek over the clouds, and seamen walked busily all around deck, attending to something or another. Most of them gave Rai and Lloyd side glances, but said nothing, just went about their activities. Rai sighed and glanced at Lloyd. Hell…

Lloyd, who had fallen asleep hours ago with his head on Rai's shoulder and who Rai hadn't had the heart to push away. He'd stayed up with him after all, and been a pretty good diversion. So Rai had decided he'd be a good sport but god his shoulder was aching now. Lloyd's head was surprisingly heavy for having so little in it.

He wished he could've gone to sleep too, but the way his head was aching and the waves of nausea made that impossible. Maybe moving closer to the middle of the ship had helped, but only a little. But on the positive side, they were probably close to Palmacosta by now. He should probably stand up so he could look over the railing and see whether he could spot land. Only then he'd have to wake Lloyd up.

Rai nudged the sleeping swordsman. "Hey," he said softly. "Lloyd!" Lloyd didn't give any sign of having heard, his breathing slow and deep. ...At least he wasn't snoring.

When another man passed closely by, Rai called out to him. "Excuse me, do you know what time we'll be reaching Palmacosta?" he inquired. The sailor gave him a hostile look.

"Half-elves," he muttered hatefully.

Rai pretended he hadn't heard. "Sorry, I didn't quite catch that."

"We'll be there in less than an hour." He gave Lloyd a disgusted glance. "So you'd better tell your boyfriend to wake up." Rai opened his mouth, but the man walked off without waiting for answer, muttering, "Fraternizing with a half-elf...it makes me sick."

Rai passed a hand over his eyes in frustration. God, so now these sailors not only hated him, they seemed to think he was dating Lloyd or something. Well...who was he to correct them? He was a lying half-elf, after all.

"Lloyd," he said a little louder. "Come on. You should get up now."

Lloyd didn't stir.

Rai groaned and let his head fall back against the wall a bit harder than necessary.

"Rai! Is Lloyd out here already - " Genis cut off when he took in the scene. "Oh. How come he's sleeping here?"

"It's a long story," Rai said tiredly. "Look, can you help me wake him up? Apparently we're nearly there."

"You look terrible," Genis said bluntly. "Looks like you didn't get any sleep at all."

"Thanks, I didn't," Rai said wryly. "Are the others up yet?"

"Most of them. They'll be out in a moment." Genis shared an understanding glance with Rai. "Okay, let's get this bum up." He knelt next to Lloyd and shook him a lot less gently than Rai had been doing. "Hey! Lloyd! Get up!" the younger half-elf said loudly in his friend's ear.

Lloyd groaned and turned his face away from Genis, nuzzling into Rai's neck. "Mm, Rai...five more minutes..." he mumbled into the half-elf's collarbone. Genis raised one eyebrow and the same man who'd spoken to Rai earlier passed by and gave them a hateful look.

Rai had had enough. He pushed Lloyd firmly away from him, ignoring the look Genis was giving him, and held him upright by the shoulders. "Come on, get up."

Lloyd's head lolled to the side, then jerked up. He blinked hazily. "Wha - where...?" He finally opened his eyes fully and took in the surroundings. "Oh. Crap. I fell asleep. Sorry, Rai!"

"It's fine," Rai said wearily, rubbing his shoulder and neck. "Thanks for staying out here. Look, we're almost there," he offered by way of distraction.

"Wow, really?" Tiredness forgotten, Lloyd leapt to his feet and sprinted to the railing, where he stared over the sparkling water with wide eyes. "Rai, Genis, look! Land!"

Genis shook his head and gave Rai another look - something like we'll talk later - before following his friend. "Yeah, Lloyd, I know. That's where we're going, you know. Land."

"Hey, c'mon, you gotta admit it looks cool!"

Rai tuned out their conversation and put his head in his hands. Too bad medicine didn't seem to exist here. Maybe Raine knew some sort of spell to help with seasickness, but she'd shut herself in a corner of the cabin as soon as she'd gotten here, trying to pretend they weren't on a boat, and Rai hadn't had the heart to ask anything of her when she was obviously so terrified. Why am I such a good guy? he thought to himself sarcastically.

He could hardly wait for them to land at Palmacosta, as crowded and loud and gross-smelling as the port town was sure to be. Anything - even being grilled by his little brother - would be better than this boat.

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Despite how long Aalissi had been out in this human world, each new city still shocked her. The overtly messy and inelegant marketplaces, the inelegantly sprawled buildings and huts…how could humans live this way?

Then she always had to remind herself that they didn’t have magic, that they needed tools and technology that the elves could easily do without. And after all, this was the declining world. That was why…

No, but she was getting ahead of herself. Already she could hardly believe her luck at stumbling across the Chosen’s group so neatly. For now, she needed to continue to gather information and avoid raising any suspicion.

I will see you again, Fae, she vowed silently, like she had many times before. It doesn’t matter what I have to do. I will, I swear it.

“Hey, watch it!” snapped an old man. Aalissi neatly stepped over his cane and inclined her head politely, not even able to feel any resentment towards him. These people were only afraid: with the Desians terrorizing them constantly, who could blame them?

And, after all, it wasn’t as if her people treated the tainted any better…

Aalissi narrowed her violet eyes suddenly, zeroing in on a cloaked figure walking casually a few paces ahead. Only a few meters ahead was the Chosen’s group, which she’d split from for the day - but what - ?

Carefully, she pulled her own hood over her head to cover her hair and ears and trailed after the person, trying to zero in on his or her mana signature, but with the sheer number of people in the street, there was far too much noise to detect it with any accuracy. Something about the person - it was either a woman or a very short man - jogged something in her memory. The way they moved, light on their feet but still swift, graceful like a cat…what did it remind her of? Due to the heavy traveling cloak, however, she couldn’t make out their features or even their style of clothing under the cloak. It was evident after some time, though, that they were keeping a close eye on the Chosen, trailing the group, staying nearby when they paused to browse stalls. 

The Chosen’s group was now returning to the inn they had rented out for the night, two of them lingering outside the entrance, and the figure suddenly split off, darting into a nearby alleyway so suddenly that Aalissi barely saw the movement. She cursed under her breath and muttered a quick elven fleetfoot spell before dashing up to the edge. She peered into the alley carefully, hoping the mysterious stranger would not be looking in this direction, and managed to catch the edge of a dark cloak turning a corner. Her footfalls magically quickened and silenced, she followed suit.

She must not have been careful enough, because when she turned another corner, the figure was nowhere to be seen. She realized her mistake too late; as she went to leap out of the alleyway, a sudden cold blade pressed to her throat made her stop in her tracks. 

“Who are you?” came a low, threatening voice in her ear. It was a woman’s voice. Aalissi paused. She wasn’t sure she wanted to use elven magic to get out of the situation if she didn’t need to. Revealing too much seemed unwise.

When she didn’t respond, the women jerked her closer, the dagger digging slightly into Aalissi’s skin. She let out a slight hiss of pain under her breath. “Answer me,” the stranger demanded, quiet but insistent. “Why are you following me? Who sent you?”

“I could ask you the same question,” she shot back. “I saw you following the Chosen. Who wouldn’t be curious? There are those who wish her harm, after all. I’m just an honest, worried citizen.”

The woman’s grip around her neck tightened. “An honest citizen cloaked and silent? Don’t lie to me. I won’t ask a fourth time. Who are you?”

She had no choice. Aalissi focused her power and flash-stepped into the ethereal plane for a split second, dashing straight through the dagger blade and flipping around to face the stranger, her own dagger now in her hand. Her breaths came fast and hard, power sapped from using the costly ability, and she was glad for the wall at her back, offering support. She could finally see something of the woman’s face — full, red lips, pale skin, a hint of black hair from underneath the hood. The lines of her mouth tightened briefly, but a moment later she leapt up the side of a nearby building and was gone, fast enough that Aalissi didn’t have time to stop her. Within moments, her mana signature had vanished, far enough out of range that in the crowded city, Aalissi had no idea where she’d gone.

She let out a frustrated breath. Whoever this woman was, she was human — feeling her mana at such close proximity had made that much obvious — but her movement were too fast to just be a human. Could she be one of the fabled ninjas of Mizuho? But they were supposed to be gone from this world. Cruxis had wiped out the faction here many years ago, at least from what she’d heard from the elders back home.

Unless…

Aalissi could feel her blood run cold. If this was an assassin sent from the flourishing world, the Chosen’s group was in more trouble than she’d realized.

Quickly, she hurried back out of the alleyway, dropping the hood and cinching the cloak at her neck to hide the shallow gash on her throat. A few strangers gave her looks as she made her way back to the inn, but she had more important things to worry about. She needed to make sure the Chosen was safe. When she finally slipped back through the front door, the innkeeper glanced up and then gave her a friendly wave. “Ah, you’re back! Some of your friends just returned some time ago. Would you like a bite to eat before heading up to your room? It’s on the house tonight!”

She realized the lobby and dining area were bustling with patrons, dining, drinking, and chattering raucously. There must be some sort of event. “Perhaps in a bit,” she said, smiling at him. “Thank you for the offer. I’d like to retire up to my room for now.”

He gave her a polite nod as she moved past him and headed up the stairs, trying not to appear too hurried. Her room was a single one, but she believed the one just next to it belonged to the two half-elven siblings, and the one next to that should be the Chosen’s room, where she was staying with the purple-clad mercenary. Quickly, she moved over to the door and knocked.

After a few moments, the door opened, and on the other side was the mercenary. His eyes narrowed slightly when he saw her.

“Yes?”

She tried to peer past him into the room, but his body was in the way. “I was just wondering if the Chosen was here. I wanted to speak to her.”

He looked as though he was about to say something, but a voice from behind interrupted and he sighed and stepped to the side.

“It’s okay, Kratos. I’m here,” the blonde-haired Chosen said, stepping forward. She was smiling, but there was wariness in her eyes too. “What did you need?”

Aalissi let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. It appeared the Chosen was unhurt. “I - my apologies for interrupting you, Chosen. I was just wondering if you wanted to — ”  The mercenary was staring her down. “Ah — get a drink with me, perhaps? It seems they are free for the night.”

The girl’s eyes lit up and the smile widened. “Of course! I love making new friends. And please, call me Colette!” She glanced over at the mercenary, as if to ask for permission, and after a moment, he nodded. 

“I’ll come down too, of course,” he said, looking straight at Aalissi. “It’s my job to protect the Chosen.”

“Yes, of course,” Aalissi said quickly, and gave him a demure smile. He didn’t respond, so she backed out of the doorway. Colette stepped out after her, running one hand through her long blonde hair, and they walked back down the stairs, the mercenary trailing silently behind them.

A few moments later, they were nestled at a table in the corner opposite the door, the mercenary seated several tables away with his eyes still fixed on her. As a human, he shouldn’t be able to hear their conversation from this distance, but something gave her the feeling that somehow, he could hear every word.

“Aalissi?”

She shook it off and turned to face the Chosen — no Colette. “My apologies, Cho - Colette.”

Colette smiled ruefully. “He can be a bit much, can’t he? I’m sorry. But he’s just doing his job.”

“Of course,” Aalissi reassured her. “I understand.” Should she tell the Chosen about the possible assassin? Or should she tell the mercenary — Kratos — perhaps? Maybe both? She realized Colette was looking at her expectantly and she took a sip of her drink. “It must be difficult,” she continued. “Being the Chosen.”

The girl across from her put one hand to her hair again. “Well, it’s my duty,” she said cheerfully, but Aalissi detected a hint of resignation behind her words. 

“Even a Chosen is a person,” she responded quietly, looking Colette straight in the eyes. “And even a Chosen needs friends to be honest with. People to support her, and room to have doubts and fears.” Almost without thought, she infused the slightest bit of magic into her words, wanting to make the Chosen more at ease. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the mercenary shift, one hand moving slowly to his side, closer to his sword hilt.

Colette looked a bit chastened. “I…” She stopped. “You - you’re right,” she said finally, in a smaller voice. Her gaze had dropped to the drink in her hands. “I’m sorry, Aalissi. Normally I wouldn’t want to open up to someone I don’t know well, but…” She glanced up again. “Somehow, I feel comfortable with you. It’s like I can just tell you don’t mean me harm.”

Aalissi smiled at her. “Your caution speaks well of you, Colette. You would do well to be careful. But I can assure you, as an elf, I want your journey to succeed. I wouldn’t want any harm to come to you. And, as somewhat of a special person myself, at least in the eyes of the world…I can understand, if only a little, what it must be like to have so much on your shoulders.”

Colette’s gaze had softened a little, but the cheery smile had come back, and somehow Aalissi felt disappointed. The smile wasn’t fake, exactly, but something about it felt…off. “Thank you!” the Chosen said, warmth in her voice. Then her eyes flitted down from Aalissi’s face and a different expression crossed her face, fast enough that Aalissi couldn’t quite tell what it was. “Are you hurt?” she said worriedly. Aalissi realized belatedly that her cloak had loosened from her neck, slipping to reveal the cut. Her hand went up to it automatically.

“I - it’s nothing,” she said quickly. “Just a shallow scratch.” 

“Still not nothing.” Colette’s eyes were reproachful. “If you want to be my friend, you need to take better care of yourself. I’ll go get the Professor to take a look at it.”

“Colette - ” The Chosen was already gone, up from her seat and moving through the crowd towards the stairs. Aalissi stared after her, off-balance. 

She’d thought she had an idea of what the girl was like — noble, cheerful, self-sacrificing, and friendly. But somehow…it seemed like there was more beneath the surface than she’d realized. It might not be as easy to manipulate Colette as it had first seemed. Despite herself, Aalissi was intrigued.

She blinked as the mercenary stepped into view, filling the seat Colette had just left. 

“Be careful, using your elven magic,” he said coldly, voice low enough that she knew none of the humans surrounding them could make out his words. “I don’t take kindly to spell-casting around the Chosen.”

“My apologies,” she said quickly. “It was nothing malicious. Just - ”

“Elven charisma,” he interrupted, somewhat disdainfully. “Trying to manipulate those around you. Yes, I know all too well.”

She decided to ignore his rudeness. “Setting that aside for a moment, I have something important I think you should know.”

He just stared at her without responding, so she continued, “I think there may be an assassin after the Chosen.” She pulled aside her cloak to reveal the shallow cut. “She was cloaked, but — ”

“The woman who was following us through the town,” Kratos interrupted her. “Yes, I noticed her. You alerted her to your presence?” 

Aalissi felt a bit of anger well up inside her, but she ignored it. “Unfortunately, yes, she spotted me. But I managed to get a look at her, at least. Black hair, pale skin, and purple garb underneath the cloak. And from her movements…” She paused, weighing how much to tell him, and made a decision. “I believe she may be from an ancient ninja clan. One I hadn’t realized was still in existence.”

Kratos’s eyes widened a little bit. “I see,” he said. “Well. I suppose your information is not completely useless, then.”

She fought the urge to roll her eyes. “I’m glad,” she said. She thought she’d managed to keep the sarcasm out of her voice, but Kratos looked a little amused all the same. Without waiting for his response, she stood and walked back upstairs.

As she was about to head into her room, Raine exited hers, followed by Colette. “Aalissi,” the woman said, her eyes going to Aalissi’s throat. “Colette told me you had a bit of an injury. I can heal it for you, if you aren’t an expert in healing artes.”

She considered refusing, then decided against it. “Thank you,” she said politely, allowing the half elf to place a hand at her throat. Raine’s fingertips glowed green, and within a few minutes the cut had knitted together seamlessly, with only a faint line signifying that it had been there. 

“The scar should go away over the next week or so,” Raine said. Her eyes were calculating, knowing. “What happened?”

Aalissi considered. “I ran into a bit of trouble with some townsfolk. I managed to de-escalate the situation without too much issue.”

“I see,” Raine said. She still looked a little suspicious, but as she opened her mouth to say something else the younger half-elf exited the room and joined them in the hallway.

“Raine, where are Rai and Lloyd?”

“I’m not sure. They haven’t returned yet,” Raine admitted. Colette’s expression had darkened momentarily, but when Aalissi glanced at her, she looked neutral again. She wondered if she’d imagined it.

“Lloyd went to go find him,” Colette said. “I’m sure they’ll be back soon!” Her tone was cheery again. Genis looked worried. 

“Raine - ”

“I’ll wait up for them,” she said. She glanced at Aalissi. “We’ll see you tomorrow, Aalissi.” Aalissi gave them a respectful nod as the older woman shepherded her brother back into the room, shutting the door behind them. It was obvious she wanted to discuss something without Aalissi hearing. A few moments after they disappeared into the room, she sensed a faint pulsation of Raine’s mana as she cast a spell - perhaps one to muffle sound? She didn’t have too long to think on it, though, as at that moment, Colette put a hand on her shoulder. 

“Thank you for being so friendly to me,” the girl said softly. “Maybe we can have a drink again another time.”

“I’d like that,” Aalissi said, then joked, “Although it’d be nice to do it without your rather intimidating guardian angel.”

Colette giggled a little bit. “He isn’t that bad. I’ll see you tomorrow, Aalissi. Good night.”

“Good night,” she responded automatically, and watched as the Chosen retreated into the nearby doorway.

Despite herself, she found herself more intrigued with this party than she’d originally expected. Joining in on this journey might have been an even better idea than she’d thought.

With a slight smile, Aalissi returned to her room.

Chapter Text

Rai stared out over the shimmering water, his eyes distant. His toes skimmed the water as he absently swung his legs back and forth over the edge of the dock, and the sea air was cool and briny. This secluded portion of the docks was far removed from the main ones, a small fishing area behind some storage-houses, and there wasn’t another soul in sight.

Just the way he liked it. 

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Things felt like they were getting more and more muddled every day. It was hard to keep sight of what his goals were even supposed to be, anymore. Was he meant to try and keep the party on track? Was there even something above and beyond he could do? And now there was all this stuff he had to deal with about his own mental stability. How could he possibly work on integrating W? He barely knew where to start.

Maybe channel some of Lloyd when you’re interacting with him, Akira suggested unexpectedly from where he’d been long silent. Rai started a little and narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

Can’t read my thoughts…right. 

Hey, is that what you’re focusing on? I’m trying to help you. 

Rai rolled his eyes and decided to let it go for now. Yes, well. I suppose I can try that. This is just all very strange. It has to be magical in some way.

It definitely is, Akira agreed. I don’t think a human could have split their mind apart in precisely the way you have. This is above and beyond what I knew of in my previous life. I think slowly you have to try to think back and gather information so that you can regain your memories. That could be ultimately the only way you can make yourself whole again.

Setting that aside…Rai looked absently at his palms, inspecting the gauntlet on his right hand, now slightly battle-worn. Is there something I’m supposed to be doing right now? Trying to steer the party in the right direction? 

There was a pause while Akira thought. Well, he said finally, you seem to be pretty on track in terms of the Regeneration. You have the Book already and they’re planning to set out for the seals. But the other thing you’ll have to make sure happens is…well, destroying the Desian ranches. That just kind of…happened to go that way, in the game. It wasn’t part of the group’s goals.

Rai sighed, the memories coming back to him. Right - Magnius was supposed to attack Palmacosta, kidnap Chocolat, and spur the party to go rescue her. Then they were meant to have a confrontation with Magnius, kill him, and end up destroying the entire ranch. Not doing that would be a huge departure. 

We’re supposed to get news of that when…Rai furrowed his brow, trying to remember. When we’re at Hakonesia Peak, right? 

Technically, yes. I’m not sure if the timing is still right for that, though.

Rai sighed. If that didn’t happen, maybe he’d have to make up something or come up with some other reason why they needed to go back to Palmacosta. 

He tensed suddenly, his hands clenching on the edge of the dock. Someone’s coming. A moment later, he relaxed as he recognized the mana signature.

“Father,” he said, neutrally, as Kratos lowered himself to the docks beside him. There was silence for a few beats.

“Are you alright?” Kratos murmured finally. There was something in his voice Rai couldn’t quite place. He hesitated.

“I will be. I just have some…less than perfect memories of this place,” he said finally. Kratos seemed to accept this. 

“I’m sorry, my son,” he said quietly, after another pause. Rai couldn’t help but feel taken aback. This wasn’t like Kratos. It took him several more moments of frantic mental searching to remember what the angel was probably apologizing for.

“It’s fine,” he said wearily. “I’m too tired to keep up any kind of grudge right now. Yeah, it turned out Yuan’s actually my - ” It was hard to say, for some reason. “ - father,” he continued by force of will, “but…I can understand why you never told me. Abandoning me in Palmacosta is less understandable, but I’ve known about that for a while now.” He didn’t meet Kratos’s eyes, so he couldn’t see the mercenary’s expression.

“He does care for you, you know,” Kratos replied finally. His voice was still quiet and subdued. “Even if he doesn’t quite understand it himself.” The mercenary let out a quiet, bitter chuckle, again seeming very uncharacteristic. “I don’t envy you, Rai. Both your fathers are ancient, un-aging, probably somewhat insane angels.”

Rai wasn’t sure what to say to that. Laughter didn’t seem quite appropriate. “Yes, well - I suppose I’ll have to manage,” he said. Finally turning to look at Kratos, whose expression was now unreadable, he continued, “On another note — did you make any progress on that favor I asked of you?”

Kratos hesitated. His hand seemed to twitch slightly towards his pocket, so quickly that Rai wasn’t sure if he’d imagined it. “Some,” he said haltingly. “But…Rai…have you spoken to Yuan about the effects of the transformation?”

“Not yet,” Rai admitted. “What progress?”

Kratos sighed, looking out over the water and resting an arm on one knee. “Well - I may have managed to obtain a Cruxis Crystal for you…” 

Rai’s heart sped up automatically and he took a deep breath, trying to clamp down on his excitement. “But?” 

“But it doesn’t have a key crest. In theory, any key crest can be effective even for a Cruxis Crystal, but…depending on the particular crystal, and the particular wielder, sometimes strange things can happen. The most effective way would be to have a Dwarf custom-make an appropriate crest.” Kratos shook his head. “Rai - how much do you know about Exspheres?”

Rai hesitated. “Not very much,” he admitted finally. He considered whether to say more, then decided against it, opting to simply continue to stare out over the water. It took several more long moments, but eventually his patience was rewarded. 

“I have something to admit to you,” Kratos said finally. “…I - I was not completely truthful with you when we spoke about the angel transformation last time.”

Now this was not something Rai had expected. He let his eyebrows rise, not bothering to hide his surprise. “Oh?”

Kratos shook his head, his auburn eyes fluttering shut for a moment before he opened them again and fixed his gaze firmly on Rai’s. “I worry about you undergoing the transformation, Rai, if I’m honest. I didn’t want you to take it lightly.”

“…Okay,” Rai said carefully, after a pause. “But?”

Another sigh from the Seraph. “…I ask, as I did before, that you speak to Yuan about this matter first. Not only is he a half-elf, as you are, but he is also much closer and more familiar with the experimentation that has been done.” 

Rai nodded. He knew better than to waste his time arguing. “I’ll talk to him first, then.” 

There was another silence. This one lasted for quite some time, and Rai was just about ready to get to his feet to leave when Kratos spoke again. “Would you like to spar?”

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Genis sighed. How could it be possible for one single city to expand and change this much? There was nobody around so far that he remembered from his time here; instead, it seemed to be bustling with strangers.

He'd been going around the town square asking people what they knew about the ranch, but he hadn't had too much luck so far.

"Pff. Those Desians," one man had said disgustedly. "Governor General Dorr will take care of them!"

Genis did find that the more he talked to people, the more he became curious about this new Dorr individual. Was it really true that he was opposing the Desians? How was that possible? Would the Desians really allow that? It all felt very odd.

He couldn't help think about to what Alai had said, as well - that the Desians might be planning a raid on the village. Was Palmacosta truly ready for an all-out war against the Desians? He knew from stories he'd heard that it wasn't unheard of for the Desians to destroy entire villages at times. Not to mention what had happened to Iselia as soon as the peace treaty had been breached…

Genis ducked into the shadows behind a stall and leaned against the wall, glancing around the area. There were many people going about their daily business, but there was also a certain air of tension, of preparedness; like the people of Palmacosta knew that at any minute, their peace could be shattered.

That was when it happened.

Suddenly, there was screaming and yelling in the distance, and sounds of fighting. Genis tensed, his grip suddenly white-knuckled on his kendama. He saw a group of children nearby, probably all less than ten years old, pause and glance over in confusion.

Immediately, he raced over to them. "Come on, kids," he said urgently. "Follow me".

"But I want to keep playing!" one of the children protested, but another one, who looked slightly older, shushed her immediately, grabbing her hand.

"Come on, Rina. Listen to him. Something's going on." There was fear in his voice, but it remained impressively steady given his age.

Genis hesitated for a moment. Where would be the safest place to take them? Probably not Governor-General Dorr's office - the Desians could see that as a target if Dorr was really taking a stand against them. The church? No, the Desians might target that as well, with it being a symbol of the Chosen, and the Regeneration that would defeat the Desians. Then it hit him - the Palmacosta Academy. There was a secret underground room there - he wasn't sure what its original use had been, but he and Rai had discovered it once when they used to live here. It was a natural cavern, so it seemed unlikely that it would be affected even if the Desians decided to burn down the Academy.

"Follow me," he told the kids, his voice more confident than he felt. As they hurried into the academy, he could hear the sounds of marching and fighting getting closer. Ignoring this, he hurried the kids to where he remembered the passageway and led them through the crawlspace he and his brother had discovered so long ago. Hopefully no Desians would be able to follow them there. "Stay put," he whispered to them when they had finally reached the underground cave. He speculated it must be part of a natural cave system. Hopefully there were no monsters here - when he strained, he couldn't hear any movement in the cavern.  "Until everything quiets down, okay? And just in case anything goes wrong - there's another exit to this cave. It comes out in a forest near the village. I've been here before, so don't worry - there aren't any wrong turns. Okay?"

One of the kids was starting to tear up, but they all nodded silently. Genis felt a crushing sensation in his chest as he left them, crawling back through the tunnel, but he had to go see what was happening with the rest of the villagers.

He had a sinking feeling in his stomach about what he would find.

As Genis carefully slipped back out of the academy, his heart dropped to his navel. He could see in the distant streets familiar uniforms, and feel the mana signatures of many half-elves - more than he could count. He looked around the suddenly-empty  square and realized that there were humans here, hiding in corners, behind their stalls - probably more within buildings. "Why?" he heard a woman's agonized whisper. "Dorr and his forces are away…who will protect us?"

Genis suddenly couldn't swallow. He wet his lips nervously with his tongue. Seriously? What were the chances?

Carefully, he made his way closer to the adjoining streets, sticking to the edges of the town square. He managed to reach an area adjoining where most of the people seemed to be concentrated, crouching behind a tree in a patch of greenery near a bench. The Desians seemed too absorbed in what they were doing to notice him, herding the townspeople into a crowd and forcing them to stay there. It was mostly scared women and children, and a few men that were unarmed. Made sense, if the town's fighting force was conveniently away...

In the center of the clearing was a huge half-elf with a muscular build, a scarred face, bright red hair and a cruel smile, surveying the gathered humans like a cat might survey a rabble of mice. And...

Genis could barely breathe. There was…a raised stand in the middle, with a tall pole…and a rope around the neck of a woman. She stood on a stool, her face shadowed.

The large, cruel Desian, who seemed to be the leader, surveyed the line of Desians, his smile widening sharply. "You! The new one. I'll let you do the honors. Kill her however you wish." As Genis's gaze was drawn helplessly to this new Desian, who wore a distinctive purple helmet that covered his face, he breathed in sharply when he noticed who was standing nearby - unmistakably Alai, his purple hair as electric as always, a cruel smirk on his face.

"Of course, Lord Magnius," came the confident response from the helmeted Desian. Genis started again at this. Lord Magnius! This was the Desian leader who had been mentioned when Rai was kidnapped by whoever that really fast half-elf had been. But more than that...something about the voice sounded familiar. But what?

"Mom! No!" The anguished cry came from a girl, maybe Lloyd's age, struggling against several Desians to reach the clearing. "Let me go!"

The woman on the pedestal lifted her chin slightly, her gaze sad but firm when she looked at the girl. "I will be fine, Chocolat. Please. Take care of the store in my stead."

"No!" The girl continued to struggle, color high in her cheeks. "No. First grandma Marble, and now Mom - no! Please. Take me instead!"

Genis felt as though he had been stabbed in the chest, even as another part of him wondered wryly how many more shocks he could take at one time. Marble, who had been killed because of him. The name was distinctive enough that he couldn't tell himself it was a coincidence. He had watched Marble killed. Was he really going to watch her daughter undergo the same fate?

"Why not?" came a cruel voice. Genis realized it was the Desian in the purple helmet again, now looking in the girl's - Chocolat's - direction. "If you want it so badly, why not? If you're all right with it, of course, Lord Magnius." This last was an anticipatory purr. Genis's gut clenched. The woman on the stand looked panicked.

Genis tightened his grip on his kendama as Magnius laughed, a roar that set his hair on end. "I can tell we're going to get along," the monster of a man said to Purple Helmet. He lifted his chin sharply towards one of the other Desians, who dragged the now sobbing and wailing mother from the pedestal, while the Desian who had been holding back Chocolat now shoved her forward to take her mother's place, tears now streaming down her face as well.

"Wait," Purple Helmet said. His voice was darkly amused, a sharp contrast to the horrific words he said next. "Bring the girl here. I'd like to kill her with my own sword."

As they dragged Chocolat to him, the slender Desian putting one gloved hand to the hilt of his blade, Genis began readying his mana. Even if this meant his own exposure and even death, he had to act. He didn't think he could live with himself if he just watched. Again.

"Stupid girl," the Desian said. "This is what happens when you thoughtlessly provoke your superiors. Your careless actions have consequences, you know. Be grateful you have the opportunity to pay for it yourself." He began to draw his sword, and Genis stood, loosing several fireballs directly at his head.

Multiple things happened at once, then. Purple Helmet leapt back immediately, dodging the attack even as he unsheathed his sword the rest of the way; Chocolat stumbled backwards; several Desians pivoted towards Genis in shock...

And a familiar swordsman in red leapt into view, hurtling straight for the Desian with the purple helmet, his twin swords slashing through the air.

Rai shifted in the uncomfortable helmet, feeling somewhat uneasy. Alai had selected it for him specifically, in part because it was supposed to somewhat change the sound of his voice.

"So, Alai," Magnius was saying, looking at Rai with only mild interest. "Who is your subordinate?"

"He's a relatively new recruit, but a good one," Alai said smoothly. "A good fighter."

"Hmm. Take off the helmet so I can see your face, newbie," Magnius growled.

They'd anticipated this. Rai pulled it off, letting his pale hair spill out down his neck. Magnius surveyed him with narrowed eyes.

"He's an undercover operative within the Chosen's group," Alai continued. "The Chosen this time is quite favored by Yggdrasill, after all. He's to ensure she comes to no harm."

Magnius smiled, though there was a cruel edge to it. "Welcome, then. Your name?"

"Akira," Rai said, without hesitation, ignoring the answering internal indignation from his other self.

Magnius nodded at him, but seemed to be losing interest. As he turned to speak to one of the other men, Rai and Alai slipped away to the side, and Rai slipped the helmet back on.

"What's your reason for coming on this raid, anyway?" Rai murmured, almost impossibly quiet. They were among sharp-eared half-elves, after all.

"Why, to see my new friend dance, of course." Alai grinned that now-familiar grin.

Rai rolled his eyes, knowing it would be invisible under the headpiece. "…Right."

As they arrived at Palmacosta, Rai did his best to blend into the crowd, herding humans into the main square as they'd been told. Something about the way the men cowered and fled from him felt delightfully good, but it left a bad taste in his mouth at the same time. Terrorizing the children - that, he really wasn't a fan of.

He made his way through the merchant stalls, forcing them away from their goods at sword point. A couple of the shopkeepers who often delighted in refusing to serve half-elves, Rai took special pleasure in removing. He may have been a touch too heavy-handed with those, but it was hard to feel too bad about that.

He wasn't above taking useful items, either - he might as well get something useful out of being forced to take part in this raid. He acquired several lemon gels, a few extra elven earrings - how did random human shopkeepers get their hands on them, anyway? - a dwarven-made bow, and a beautifully-carved enchanted bracelet. Lastly, an intricate map caught his eye - a quick survey confirmed it was of Palmacosta, but it wasn't just any map - there were multiple little-known pathways and tunnels marked by hand. As he gazed at it, an annotation near the Academy jogged his memory of a cave he and Genis had found there, long ago. Snapping out of his reverie, he pocketed the map and shoved the humans towards the clearing.

Magnius was already standing there, at the center of the scene, arms crossed in front of his unnecessarily beefy chest, power practically radiating off him. The man might be evil and scarred, but he wasn't bad-looking.

This isn’t exactly the time, Rai, Akira snipped, sounding caught between amusement and genuine rebuke. You can discover your sexuality later. This situation is fucking insane.

…Noted, Rai thought back tersely. Incidentally, what was that about not being able to read my thoughts? Akira remained silent, as expected, but he didn't have time to hash this out now.

He glanced around the clearing, taking things in in more detail. He felt more than saw Alai take his place beside him - though his mana signature was now expertly camouflaged, Rai was still hyperaware of it. As he glanced around, surveying the humans and any potential hiding spots closely from his memories of the area, he realized multiple party members were already on standby on scene - Kratos leaning against the wall of a shop, cloaked in shadow; Lloyd standing tensely next to him, his brown eyes clouded and both hands already on his sword hilts, tense as a drum; Aalissi somewhere on the top of the building behind Rai, though he could only sense her with the somewhat closer proximity and not see her; and a small half-elven silhouette behind the bush Genis had always hidden behind when they played as kids.

Hopefully Aalissi won't recognize my mana signature, Rai thought. He was putting a great deal of effort into masking it, even allowing Akira to partially dictate his movements so he could focus, but with the mana enhancer still making his mana more prominent, he knew he wasn't fully succeeding. Akira, be ready to dodge any incoming attacks. He felt assent from his other self.

Finally, Rai noticed the true centerpoint of the scene - a brown-haired woman who must be Cacao, Chocolate's mother, with a noose around her neck.

He swallowed, throat suddenly dry. Although he hated Chocolat, her mother was different. If things went ever so slightly wrong, Cacao would be dead.

He realized abruptly Magnius was now looking at him. His chest constricted and he forced himself not to physically react, continuing to flank the inferior beings - no, Holy Martel - humans - carefully. Fuck, he was getting too into this Desian role. Hopefully he doesn't drag me into this...

"You! The new one," Magnius boomed, and Akira snickered in Rai's mind at the irony. "I'll let you do the honors. Kill her however you wish."

Fuck. Outwardly, without missing a beat, Rai said smoothly and with pleasure, "Of course, Lord Magnius."

This was when Chocolat burst onto the scene, screaming about how she wanted to take her mother's place, and Rai had an idea. As he spoke out, suggesting cruelly Chocolat take her mother's place, he heard Akira say, Wait. Are you really going to kill her?

As the wailing mother was dragged down from the pedestal and Chocolat shoved forward, Rai's plan took more concrete form. "Wait," he said coldly to the Desians, channeling all his genuine hatred of her into his voice. "Bring the girl here. I'd like to kill her with my own sword."

Look, for all I care we can kill both of them, Akira was continuing, urgency mounting in his voice. But this would be seriously out of character for you. And you have history in this place. Think carefully.

Stop getting distracted, Akira, Rai snapped as Chocolat was brought in front of him, her eyes glaring with hate even as tears streamed down her cheeks. As much as I'd like to, I'm not planning to kill her. I need you to maneuver my body. I expect an incoming attack from either Lloyd or Genis. We need to dodge it. They don't know it's me, so they'll be going for the kill.

As the Desians who had been holding Chocolate stepped back several paces, giving Rai a wide berth to avoid getting in the crossfire, Rai stepped forward towards Chocolat. "When I dodge, run," he whispered, barely moving his lips - he saw in the widening of her eyes that she'd heard. Louder, he proclaimed with feeling, "Stupid girl. This is what happens when you thoughtlessly provoke your superiors. Your careless actions have consequences, you know. Be grateful you have the opportunity to pay for it yourself." He could practically see the gears turning in Chocolat's mind. At the same time, he issued a directive to his other self internally.

Akira.  Start to attack, now. I expect one of the party members to intercept. Either way, though, I'll use my mana to trip Chocolat backwards, making the sword swing miss.

Akira didn't need to respond with words - he was already drawing their sword. And then, immediately, multiple large fireballs were heading directly for Rai, coming from the very bush Rai had expected them to.

He felt his muscles contract, propelling him back and out of the way, narrowly missing barreling into Alai. As they brushed past each other, their mana resonated, flooding Rai's body with cool power. He didn't have time to dwell on it, though - Akira brought their arms up as a certain red swordsman hurtled through the air unexpectedly, the white ribbons on his collar arcing around him as he spun, twin swords slashing down lethally towards Rai. Their swords met with a clang as Rai channeled his mana to his arms, augmenting his power as Akira struggled to parry the blow.

Fuck, he's strong. Rai could barely breathe as his arms faltered under Lloyd's pressure and Rai's body spun and somersaulted backwards, away from the danger, the augmented mana in his limbs used to its maximum extent to speed his movements. And yet somehow, Lloyd was still on him again. Rai gritted his teeth and just focused on channeling every bit of mana he had, both his own and the swirls of energy he had gained from Alai, into his skeletal muscle so that Akira could keep them alive. Around them, the clearing had descended into chaos - Colette twirling her chakrams through lines of Desians, Kratos close around her; Genis slamming magical attacks around him with the force of a whirlwind, and Aalissi, who had grabbed Chocolat when she stumbled and whisked her away faster than any of the humans would have noticed.

Even as his body traded attacks and dodges with Lloyd dizzyingly fast under Akira's fierce concentration, Rai was acutely aware of Alai nearby, watching with an odd look on his face, his now-familiar mana less controlled. When Rai was flung back hard against a nearby merchant's stall, crashing through the wood and the stall crumbling in two, Alai flickered between them, parrying Lloyd's ensuing attack with a growl. Rai's breath came hard and fast, his heart pounding so fast it hurt his chest. His relief at Alai's intervention filled his body, but the sounds of the battle were suddenly muffled, a faint ringing in his ears taking their place as he struggled to stand and grab his sword, slipping twice before he managed to regain his footing. The shock seemed to have shaken Akira's control of their body. Fuck. Lloyd is a monster. I need to never cross him again.

Even as Lloyd tussled with Alai, the impossibly fast half-elf more able to match Lloyd's raw power than Rai had been, Rai could feel Lloyd's single-minded focus, his need to get to Rai. Somehow, his performance seemed to have gotten to Lloyd, his cruel willingness to kill a daughter in front of her mother igniting a moral passion in the swordsman, and it didn't look like that would abate so easily. But we can't fight him, especially while avoiding mana attacks and trying to avoid killing him. We need to take the out Alai's giving us.

Agreed. Akira's response was quiet. Give me the rest of our mana to our legs and core. Rai complied without hesitating, and Akira flung them up, dizzyingly fast, launching Rai onto the roof of the building he had sensed  Aalissi on before. He rolled twice to absorb the impact and was back on his feet immediately, racing over the roof tiles, away from the battle, leaping from building to building. He had only gotten a few blocks away when a slim figure leapt in front, intercepting him, long pale pink hair around her like a cloud.

"Rai," she said sharply, and his heart stuttered, still breathing fast and hard. She knows.

She stepped closer, and he let her, knowing that at this range, and with him no longer able to guard his mana signature in this state of exhaustion, that there was no denying it. She reached towards his helmet and he didn't resist as she slipped it off. They were close, now, nearly nose-to-nose. He could see the confusion and yet somehow, understanding in her eyes.

"What are you doing?" she murmured softly. "Rai - this is a dangerous game."

He let out a breath, helpless, yielding. "Will you tell the others?"

Aalissi's gaze sharpened slightly. "No. I was close enough to feel your mana, to feel as you tripped the girl. You were never intending to kill her. But I need to know what's going on."

His eyes closed briefly. "Fine. But not here." He looked back at her, taking the helmet back and replacing it on his head. "Later. You'll find me imprisoned at the ranch. Make sure everyone gets through this okay. And..." He paused, retrieving the Palmacosta map from his pocket. "Use this to help whoever needs it to escape."

She looked conflicted - calm, but worried, and perhaps disappointed, but she reached out and accepted the worn parchment, their fingers brushing for a brief moment. "Be careful," she whispered, and was gone.

Lloyd snarled, redoubling his efforts against the Desian who had intercepted him. This one seemed different than the others, no helmet on his face, and it was in that moment Lloyd finally recognized him. He stopped, swords still held at the ready.

"It's you," he growled. Alai's hair was still as purple as it had been the day when they'd met in this very marketplace, when Lloyd had defended him against discrimination from a stall owner. That very stall now lay in shambles, where the Desian in the purple helmet had slammed into it. Unfortunately, that Desian had managed to escape, his high-and-mighty words from before nowhere to be found.

Alai's eyes were determined, matter-of-fact. He paused, lowering his sword partway. His ears were still silver-studded, giving him a more elegant appearance than the average Desian. "You've saved the girl and her mother already," he said smoothly. His eyes moved around the clearing, but Lloyd kept his focus on him, watching for any unexpected move.

Then there was a choked noise from behind them, and Magnius's voice, strained but still audible, rang out. "Desians! Fall back for now!"

Lloyd whirled around, backing up so he could still keep Alai in his field of view, and saw Magnius crouched on one knee, clutching a deep gash in his chest. Across him was Kratos, a steely glint in his eye as he returned his sword to his side, blood dripping off the tip. "Target the Chosen and reap the consequences," the mercenary growled. He realized Colette stood just behind, her blue eyes wide with shock. Magnius must have tried to harm her.

In a flash, Alai was at Magnius's side, stabilizing his arm. "This way, my Lord." Magnius braced a hand on the ground, and the two leapt away.

Lloyd let out a breath, finally lowering his swords. He wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead, trying to calm his racing heart. The reminder of the Desians had retreated, leaving in their wake the distraught townsfolk, and a few unfortunate civilians that had gotten caught in the crossfire. Raine was already hard at work tending to the wounded.

In the turmoil, he hadn't even thought to confront Magnius about Rai. But they had more reasons to target the ranch now. After what had happened today...

He sheathed his blades, not needing to clean them. He hadn't drawn a single drop of blood, after all. He'd help with the aftermath of the attack soon, but that battle had been intense enough that he needed to recover for a moment. As he eased himself to the ground in the shade of a nearby tree, leaning back against the cool bark, he shut his eyes and thought back to the events. That Desian with the purple helmet...

Something had been especially unsettling about him. He had been cruel, evil even. Someone who would be better off gone. But something about his slender frame, the way he had moved in combat, had felt oddly familiar. Not only that, but he had seemed oddly defensive in his movements - never trying to attack Lloyd directly, only dodging and parrying. But why?

If he ever saw him again, he had to confront him. Obviously, there was more to this than Lloyd had initially thought.

 "Lloyd?"

He blinked his eyes open in surprise. It was Sheena, her black hair disheveled. In the suddenness of the attack, he had completely forgotten about her. Her eyes were hard,  determined. "You're going to the ranch, right? I'm coming with you."

Chapter Text

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Sheena dashed along the corridor, her footfalls silent. She hoped Lloyd's group would manage to remain undetected as well, but it seemed unlikely - they'd donned Desian uniforms, but as soon as they had to take off a helmet or were questioned by a Desian, their cover would likely fall apart. Still, they were strong enough as a fighting force that they could likely push their way through. Sheena had preferred to operate on her own, allowing her to take a stealthier approach.

She sensed Desians making their way down the adjoining hallway and ducked behind a corner, pressing a seal to the wall and allowing its magic to flood her skin, making her blend into her environment. This ranch was almost maze-like - all foreboding dark hallways. Surely it must be nicer further in. Magnius couldn't possibly spend all his time in such an environment.

Once the Desians had passed, she slid back into the hall, making her way through the facility systematically, a mental map forming as she went. Several minutes later she had found herself in a lounge area of sorts - indeed, not as foreboding as the hallways from earlier. As she paused to get her bearings, she heard several footsteps approaching. Cursing inwardly, she leapt behind some haphazardly stacked crates, activating another seal for good measure, and kept icily still.

"You really can't tell me anything, huh?" one of the Desians was saying. Sheena could make out some of their features through the gaps in the crates - one tall, the other shorter and slender. Both had forgone helmets, though they wore standard Desian uniforms. "I've never seen you around before, but somehow you're on speaking terms with Lord Magnius."

They both sat down on the couches nearby, the taller Desian putting his feet up on the table between them as his companion answered, sounding somewhat apologetic. "Some classified stuff involved, I'm afraid." His voice was cool, smooth, but he sounded quite young.

The taller Desian seemed to accept this. He leaned back against the couch and sighed. "And you're friends with Alai, too. I never quite know what to make of that one. I suppose he's already shown you around?"

"Yes. There was ample opportunity this morning." The younger one crossed his legs, leaning back as well. As he did so, Sheena got a clear view of his face - startlingly handsome, with refined features and bright green eyes. His hair, a pale blue, framed his features and his mouth formed into a grin. "On another note, I'm surprised we didn't take any prisoners from the raid. Not enough space, or what?"

"I think we had our hands full with the Chosen's group deciding to attack us," the other one grumbled. "Did you have to go that far, Akira? We wanted to put them in their place, sure, but..."

The younger one - Akira - laughed. It wasn't a nice laugh. Sheena could feel a cold sweat on her skin, and resisted the urge to swallow, focusing on her breathing - ever so slow, ever so silent. "Oh, but I couldn't resist. The melodrama - a daughter begging to be killed in front of her mother..." He was still smiling, gaze distant, as though reliving some past moment. "Isn't there something exciting about it?"

The other Desian shifted where he sat on the opposite couch. "I...suppose I can see why Lord Magnius likes you," he said. There was an odd mixture of fear and awe in his voice. "You seem...quite like him, in some ways. They're inferior beings, of course, but I find picking on the powerless more than needed to be...distasteful."

Akira's eyes refocused as he seemed to come out of whatever reverie he had been in. "Those who are weak are fated to be trodden on," he said. "Well - no matter. If there are ever any...unpleasant punishments you need to administer...please feel free to solicit my help." He smiled, and Sheena fought to stay still, despite the fear and hatred welling up inside her chest, as though an energy of its own. Though she hadn't moved, in that moment, Akira's gaze seemed to snap directly onto hers.

Her heart stuttered, and for a moment she was light-headed. She forced herself to remain perfectly still. She still had the camouflage seal active - him looking towards her was probably coincidental -

His eyes remained fixed on her as he said slowly, "Didn't you have to attend that meeting?"

The other Desian groaned. "I suppose I should prepare for it, yeah. I...it was good talking with you, Akira. I'll see you around?" He was already standing, walking towards the exit, a note of fear still in his voice, seemingly relieved to get away from his unsettling companion. A heartbeat later, they were alone in the room.

Akira stood, his gaze still unwavering, fixed on her. Bile rose in her throat, but she couldn't swallow, couldn't afford to make any movement - though it was looking more and more as though somehow, he knew she was there. How could she escape? It had been a good hiding spot, but it also meant she was cornered, with no good way to retreat.

"Has anyone ever told you it's rude to eavesdrop?" he murmured. "Why, if I were a lesser man...maybe I'd take it the wrong way."

Fuck. Still, she said nothing, waiting to see what he would do next.

"If I were a little bird in this room right now," he continued, "I would be very careful. Being found out could mean death." He turned away, that gaze finally moving off of her, and she let out a slow, silent, quivering breath. "Unfortunately, I have somewhere to be, but I'll have to come search this room thoroughly in a few minutes. Perhaps this was all just my imagination."

With that, he walked out of the room. Sheena held her breath until his footsteps had faded, and then sprang into action, slipping out the door as quickly as she could manage. There was no sign of him outside, but that didn't mean he wasn't nearby - obviously, there was more to him than met the eye. But he was giving her an out for some reason - whether for his own sadistic pleasure or some other goal, she couldn't say - and she had to take the opportunity.

...As she continued her stealthy movements, even as minutes passed without any further trouble, her heart continued to race.

Rai watched as the assassin slipped out of the room and down the hallway in a flash, silent. Even though he hadn't met her yet, the glimpse of jet-black hair, dark eyes, and lilac fabric under her cloak made him even more certain of her identity. And that odd mana signature…

What would Sheena be doing infiltrating Magnius's ranch?

Akira? Weren't we supposed to meet her at the Ossa Trail?

In the game, that's how it was… Akira sounded thoughtful. But you've changed quite a few things. Perhaps something happened to make her more wary of the party. Maybe she's taking a more cautious approach.

He couldn't shake the unease. What does that have to do with infiltrating this ranch, though? Shouldn't she be focusing on Colette?

There was no answer from Akira, but he knew his other self was as perplexed as he was. He sighed and walked back into the hallway, abandoning his hiding spot. Well, shit. Now Sheena had seen his face.

Plus she probably thinks you're a sadistic, twisted asshole, Akira pointed out.

Obviously. He was walking down the hallway with purpose now, resuming his investigation where he'd left off when he'd been intercepted by the other curious Desian who'd unfortunately recognized him from the Palmacosta raid. He'd made for Magnius's office first, using the opening Alai had given him when they got here, and had managed to copy the contents of some digital storage devices using the equipment Alai had provided, but he couldn't access the data on them himself. After that he'd just been making his way through the ranch, trying to see what he could find before he had to slip in amongst the prisoners. But what can I do about it? I'll have to hope she doesn't immediately blow my cover when she sees me in the party. Hopefully a ninja would have more discretion than that.

Even if she doesn't blow your cover, if she ends up joining the party like she did in the game she's bound to ask you about it, Akira pointed out. What excuse are you going to give?

Rai paused as he reached what seemed to be a series of storage rooms. This seemed promising. As he walked casually into one of them, he shot back, What do you mean, excuse? I'll say the truth - that it was an act I was putting on as infiltrator within the Desians. Isn't that enough?

Akira was silent, but Rai could feel his unease. What?

You know she'll probably be suspicious. I mean, you sounded pretty disturbing back there.

Rai sighed, running his eyes over the crates. His gaze fell on a bookshelf, and he strode over to it. I know that. There's only so much I can do here, though. If she decides not to trust me, that's on her. I think if secrets come out, it'll be pretty obvious ultimately that I wasn't really on the Desians' side. If not, we'll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.

There was a pause as Rai looked over the context of the shelf, nothing really standing out. Do you think this triple agent business is really going to work? Akira said finally.

He noticed a large leather-bound book and pulled it off the shelf, flipping it open. Ah - a record of host bodies. Maybe not as useful as it had first appeared. I don't know, he admitted finally. Obviously, it’s a huge balancing act. I don't expect it to work forever - maybe just long enough to be useful. When we go to the Tower of Salvation though…

Yeah. If Mithos shows up…

The statement went unfinished, but the two of them were obviously on the same page. Rai replaced the book and continued his sweep of the dimly lit room. An ancient-appearing tome caught his eye next. He raised an eyebrow as he brushed dust off the cover, revealing the title - The Ancient Kharlan War. Interesting. What's this doing here?

He pocketed it, kneeling to investigate the bottom shelf. He squinted to make out the titles, the overhead light not quite adequate. Doubt anyone's looked at any of these in quite some time, Akira said. Much less Magnius. Can you imagine?

Rai smirked, holding back the mirth that bubbled up unexpectedly at the image this conjured up.  True enough. He paused, pulling out one of the books, heart suddenly racing. Elven Lineages: The Sylvarant Dynasty, Before and After. Seriously? Could this have something to do with the Sylvari?

Seems worth looking into, Akira said. As Rai made to open the book, a loud alarm sounded. He cursed under his breath.

Think our friends have been discovered?

He shoved the book into his bag next to the other - with some difficulty, the two thick tomes not insignificant in mass. Yeah. I'd say it's time for me to get back over to the prisoner block.

Won't the other prisoners think it's weird if you suddenly join them? Akira mused as Rai melted back out into the hallway, his movements precise - brisk but deliberately unhurried.

Bet they'll be more worried about all the chaos unfolding in the Desian ranks around them, don't you think? He strode over to the prisoner's block, keeping his movements confident as he passed several Desians, who were scrambling to secure the area, and casually dropped his belongings into one of the chests that contained items confiscated from the prisoners before turning a corner and ducking into the small closet he'd scoped out earlier. He slipped inside, stripping off his Desian uniform to reveal his usual attire underneath.

He paused, concentrating. No mana signatures just outside. Exiting, he dropped the uniform into a nearby laundry chute as planned, then slipped his legs over the edge of the nearby ledge, twisting his body and leaping to the level below. There was an unoccupied cell here, one that was obviously meant to hold those with elven blood - unlike those that held the human prisoners, the locking mechanism was magical, and required a specific magical key to open. There was no guard, precisely because nobody was being held here, but he knew from his earlier subterfuge and information-gathering that one of the guards patrolling the prison area should have the key. At the entrance to the open cell, he hesitated, an unexpected tightness in his chest, a nervousness.

What's wrong?

I… Rai hesitated. He knew he should enter right away, the chances of a Desian showing up higher the longer he lingered. Once I close the door, I actually won't be able to escape. Unless Lloyd and the others can rescue me.

Akira didn't respond, but he didn't need to. Rai swallowed down the sudden feeling and stepped inside, even though every movement felt wrong, somehow. Giving up his power…Why didn't I realize it would feel this way? Even as he felt nausea rise at what he was doing, he took a deep breath and let the cell door swing shut.

Locked.

Trapped.

He dropped to his knees, his legs suddenly giving way, as W - no - his own feelings - rose up inside him - inescapable terror, helplessness, like drowning in a black sea. He gritted his teeth, even as he saw black around the edges of his vision, and blinked his eyes shut, breathing in deeply. After several breaths, letting the feelings wash over him, deliberately not pushing them away, he probed his own mind. What's wrong?

There wasn't a concrete answer, but as he sat with the feelings, though they didn't fade, he was able to think a bit more clearly. This must relate to his childhood. What he had undergone…been forced to do…

As he thought it, the feeling of being unable to breathe intensified, the tightness in his chest almost painful, and he forced himself to keep breathing evenly, mechanically. Obviously, he was on the right track. Some part of him had learned at a young age…never to give up control. But there were times that had to be done, and he couldn't afford to break down every time it happened… But.

It's okay, he deliberately told himself, hoping this part of himself - he really needed a name better than W - would respond to compassion. It's fine to feel this way. Understandable, even, if horrible things happened when you lost control before. But things aren't the same now. You're older, stronger, and you put yourself into this situation. Nothing will happen. The world won't end.

Though there was still no response, and he still felt like shit, his breaths came easier, his vision less blurred.

You okay, kid? Akira's voice was finally back. He sounded worried, as though he'd been trying to speak for some time.

He unclenched his fists, realizing his nails had been biting into his palms. I should be.

There was a sense of relief from his other self. You're back with me. W again?

I'm not calling him that anymore, Rai corrected, wearily. It's just…me, I guess. A shadow of my past memories and emotions. Being imprisoned like this seems to have triggered some unpleasantness.

…That makes sense, Akira said carefully. You know we'll probably be okay, right? I mean - even if Lloyd's group doesn't -

I know. Rai sighed, settling down more comfortably on the floor of the cell and leaning back against the cold wall. If they don't make it here, I can still contact Alai. It was a testament to the ferocity of his training that his communicator had remained integrated with his mana despite the strong emotions. And if he can't…rescue me -  The word felt dragged from him, a reminder of his powerlessness - then eventually, when the Desians realize I'm not supposed to be one of the prisoners, there's bound to be an opening to escape.

He shivered. In just his sleeveless shirt, cut off at the midriff, the Desian base was much cooler than it had been in the heavy uniform. He couldn't risk using magic, though - it was probably a bad idea to draw attention to himself now. He got back to his feet, legs feeling a bit steadier now, and glanced through the transparent magical walls of the cell at the adjoining corridor. Nearby, one of the humans in the more traditional cells glanced at him through the bars, distracted from where they had all been gathered on the opposite side, watching the Desians' turmoil. He made as though to look away again, then did a double take.

"You're - " he said roughly, his voice clear through the walls as he twisted towards Rai, knuckles tightening on the bars. "You're one of them. What are you doing in there? I haven't seen anyone in that cell before."

Rai shrugged, returning his gaze coolly. "I suppose I garnered Lord Magnius's ire somehow. More importantly, what do you think's going on over there?"

The human was still looking at him with disgust and fear, but he seemed to process the question. His grip loosened on the bars and he glanced over his shoulder again before looking back at Rai. "There must be intruders. I've heard that alarm once before. But I doubt they'll make it far." This last was said bitterly.

Before Rai could respond, there was a disturbance among the prisoners as a Desian guard made his way back along the hall, his whip lashing through the gap between the bars. Several humans let out yelps of pain. "Settle down, inferior beings," the Desian growled. "Know your place."

Rai swallowed as the guard walked closer, his gaze turning to Rai. It wasn't a Desian he recognized - not one who had been part of the Palmacosta raid. "Who are you?" the man snapped, pausing in front of Rai's cell. "I didn't know we'd imprisoned one of our own. What did you do?"

He shrugged, not flinching back from the cutting gaze and words. "You're asking prisoners to self-report why they're here? The organization's really stooped to a new low, hasn’t it?"

The Desian snarled. His grip tightened on the handle of his whip, but to Rai's surprise, he didn't use it. He was silent for a moment, stepping back and giving Rai a more measured look, red eyes gleaming. "I don't have time to deal with you now," he said. Some of the anger was draining away, replaced by something arguably worse - a cruel smirk. "But you're a pretty one, aren't you?" His gaze lingered on Rai's belly, tracing further down. "Perhaps some one-on-one…interrogation is in order."

Bile rose in Rai's throat. He didn't break eye contact. "I invite you to try," he said lethally, and the Desian laughed as he walked away again, cracking his whip again towards the human prisoners.

The human from the other cell was looking at him again, something different in his eyes now. "Do you have a death wish? I wouldn't have wanted to get on his bad side." Despite the words, there was almost admiration in his tone. He seemed to look at Rai more closely. "That outfit doesn't seem very practical. It's not standard prisoner garb either - did you choose that? Anyway, it seems to be attracting the wrong kind of attention. I can try to get you one of these blankets. Well, if you can even call them that." He cast a disgusted gaze at one of the thin cloths that lay in the cell nearby.

"That's okay." Rai found himself a little touched despite himself. How could this man think of anyone else at a time like this?

He has a point, you know. This…isn't the first time men have made these sorts of comments. Remember Izoold?

Shut up, Akira. Rai crossed his arms across his chest, casting his gaze over to where the Desian guards stood at the far end of the room, his newest enemy joining them. Where was Lloyd, anyway?

He wondered if the group would insist on trying to rescue all the prisoners. If they did that, they'd probably have to destroy the ranch as they'd done in the game. He cast his thoughts back to Magnius - a cruel man, to be sure, but also surprisingly loyal to his own. Was killing him outright the best option?

And you care about this why? Akira's voice sounded amused now. Did you like that he let you be a sadistic villain, Rai? Did terrorizing the humans feel that good?

It's not just that, Rai retorted. I mean - it's not that. I just wonder if he'd be more useful alive.

How? Akira challenged. He's a twisted, cruel man. And he isn't all that bright, unlike some of the other Cardinals. What could we gain from keeping him alive?

Many of his followers are quite loyal to him, Rai argued. If nothing else, he's a charismatic leader. If he could be convinced to join a different faction later, he could be very useful in swaying other half-elf supremacists to follow him. What would we gain from killing him?

We wouldn't have to deal with those same traits causing trouble for us if he were dead, Akira fired back. He wouldn't have the chance to re-establish an outpost here or elsewhere, and imprison more humans.

And you've cared about that…since when? Rai leaned against the cool wall of the cell, keeping his gaze fixed on the hallway. No signs of a new disturbance yet. I find it hard to believe you've suddenly gained a sense of compassion for who you essentially consider game characters.

Fair enough. Akira's voice was amused again. You're right - I don't. I suppose I'm being contrarian. And - keeping him alive where he wasn't in the game makes him a wild card, just another unrestrained variable. It seems easier - to me, anyway - to just kill him.

That's true, Rai conceded. There are pros and cons either way. Let's just see where the chips fall.

Before Akira could respond, there was the sound of a scuffle from the far end of the prison area. Rai pushed off from the wall, standing warily at attention. He heard a choked sound from one of the Desian guards. "You - inferior beings - !"

They were here.

Lloyd kept his grip tight on his sword hilts as he raced down the corridor, footsteps sounding entirely too loud. They'd tried entering disguised as Desians, but that hadn't lasted long, and they'd been forced to fight. And then they'd seen…No. He was acutely aware that they were racing a clock. If that Desian leader showed up, they'd be in trouble.

Still. Lloyd's jaw clenched as he turned a corner, fast enough that he had to brace his hand on the wall as he did so to avoid colliding with it. Even if Magnius did show up...he'd cut him down, if he had to.

He sensed more than saw the rest of the group alongside him - their footsteps, synchronized with his own, the sound of their breathing. It'd taken him only a moment to internalize the digital map they'd found earlier, and none of the others seemed to mind him taking the lead, dashing through his mental model with precision. With his single-minded focus on the route, he hardly registered color, shape or sound, even as he stayed dimly aware of the blaring alarm sounding overhead, the sharp relief of the overhead lights - cold and clinical.

Genis's voice sounded suddenly behind him, almost making him break pace. "Do you think Rai will be there?" he murmured, voice still slightly shaky. "With the other prisoners."

Lloyd forced his jaw to relax. "Of course he will," he growled. "And if he's not, we'll find him."

They turned yet another corner and Lloyd narrowed his eyes as he beheld two Desians facing them, their eyes wide and shocked. He didn't even pause, and seconds later he was on them, crashing them over the head with his sword-hilts in one fluid whirl and leaping ahead as they fell to the ground, stunned. Then they were past, onward into the next hall.

He hoped Sheena hadn't been caught as easily as they had. She supposedly knew of a self-destruction switch, somehow. If she could only activate that...

...But they had to get to Rai before then. Lloyd leapt over some fallen crates and rolled, ending up back on his feet and changing directions quickly, barreling through the next door. Finally, there it was - the prison area. Tall cages, throes of humans.

Three Desian bastards, standing in front with their wretched whips.

He didn't hesitate. And when he caught a glimpse of the fresh blood dripping from their leader's whip, all thoughts of sparing their lives left him. He was a whirlwind, twin swords moving in deathly synchrony as he cut through the enemies, eliminated the threats, barely even registering when one tried to choke out words. He was too busy scanning the cages. Where are you, Rai?

He knew without looking that the rest of the group would be behind him, taking care of any Desian that had survived. He strode forward without glancing at the slain, walking between the rows of cells. The humans within, packed like sardines, stared at him in awe, their voices rising in consensus as they reacted to the sudden change, but he ignored them, looking for any sign of the familiar pale hair, slender frame. There seemed to be no sign of Rai among them. He forced himself to keep walking, keep looking, holding his swords in a death grip.

"Lloyd."

The voice was familiar and not - smooth, distinct, and yet wearier than it normally was. He whipped around in its direction, and finally saw him - Rai. Standing in an odd cage, with translucent walls, a door without a keyhole. Lloyd ran to him, his palms hitting the wall, swords clanging to the floor. Rai's expression held relief, an unguarded emotion Lloyd wasn't used to seeing on him.

"You're okay," Lloyd breathed. It was half-statement, half-question. He scanned the half-elf's body - unmarred face, the skin of his arms and stomach pale as ever but with no sign of injury. When he looked back up, Rai's eyes had never left his face.

"I'm fine," Rai said softly. "Focus on finding the key, you idiot." There was no bite to the remark.

He glanced reflexively at the door. Smooth, no keyhole. "There is one?"

"A magical key," Rai corrected. Despite the solid-appearing barrier, his voice was clear, unimpeded. "Should be on one of the Desians you killed." There was no judgement in his voice, positive or negative. "You made quite a commotion." Some amusement.

"Yeah, trying to get to you," Lloyd said, almost angry. And what they'd had to witness... He turned on his heel, ready to dash back to investigate the Desians' bodies, but paused when he saw Genis in front of him, holding out an object, flat and rectangular, precisely the same shade of blue as the shimmering walls of the cell.

"Thanks," he said, feeling his breathing ease a bit. That's right - he wasn't alone. He accepted the strange object, then looked askance at the door.

"Try touching it to the door," Rai prompted. He obeyed immediately and felt an answering warm buzz in the magical key. The door swung open without preamble. No sooner than it had done so, Rai was out of the cell. Lloyd blinked at the empty space before turning to look at the freed half-elf. Rai just looked back at him. "Lead on," he said.

He wasn't used to Rai deferring to him. "Well - we need to free the rest of the prisoners. We also need to find your stuff. And then we need to get out of here before that Desian leader or someone shows up. Sheena - I'll tell you about her later - she might end up activating a self-destruction switch for the ranch, so we have to move fast."

Rai took all this in impassively. "I know where my stuff is," he said. "I'll grab it. You focus on freeing the rest of the prisoners. I'll meet you in the hallway." Before Lloyd could say anything, he had dashed away.

Right. Swallowing his emotions, he retrieved his swords and turned his attention to the large cages. Raine had already found the key to the largest one nearby, and he saw her pause before unlocking the door. "Don't panic," she said, her voice calm but radiating confident authority, and the disorder and commotion within the crowd of disheveled humans seemed to die down somewhat. "We will get you out of here, but you have to stay calm and follow our direction." Nearby, Colette was addressing the prisoners on the opposite end of the room similarly, Kratos at her side.

Genis, still standing next to Lloyd, shot him a smile. "Looks like we may get everyone out of here yet," he said. "Before Sheena blows us all up."

He couldn't share the levity. "Where's Aalissi?"

"I think she followed Rai." Genis frowned. "I'm not sure why."

He moved back towards the room's entrance, hands never far from his swords. Colette and Raine were now leading the humans out of the cages in a surprisingly orderly fashion. He flanked the group, ready to intervene if any additional Desians appeared. Genis had already moved to do the same on the other side, his kendama at the ready.

As all the humans made it out of the cages, Lloyd exited the room first. The hallway was empty but for Rai and Aalissi, both standing deceptively casually. They'd been conversing softly, but stopped when Lloyd approached. Rai had his gauntlet back, and his bag strapped at his waist, sitting neatly behind him. His eyes looked pale in the light from the nearby window - rare within the ranch. His sword was strapped at his waist as always, but next to it was something unfamiliar - a coiled, serrated whip. Its metallic black edges gleamed in the light. His black pants hung low on his hips as always, the pale expanse of his skin contrasting with his clothing and gear. Lloyd focused back on his face as Rai turned to him.

"Want to take point?" the half-elf said. Beside him, Aalissi was still looking up at his face, though she had turned and nodded to Lloyd. She tucked a strand of her long pink hair behind one jewel-encrusted ear.

He nodded. Distractions aside, he could feel relief filling his chest. Rai was back, he really was. And fine. But - this wasn't the time to let down his guard. They needed to get out of the ranch first.

As they set off down the hall, his allies helping shepherd the human prisoners, Lloyd tuned out the chatter of the others, focusing ahead of them. He realized that at some point the overhead alarm had changed, louder and sharper. He could only conclude that Sheena had flipped the destruction switch. He sped his pace, knowing the others would follow. As they made their way back through the halls, many of the Desians he had previously knocked unconscious had disappeared, but the halls were notably empty. Perhaps they had fled, recognizing the imminent destruction. All the better.

He kept on high alert, but they encountered surprisingly little after that. Not long after, they were exiting the ranch, the humans all accounted for. As the last of them trailed out, panting, the alarm intensified, like a plaintive scream. Lloyd kept leading the group away, not pausing the swift pace, and they were several minutes away when he heard it - an explosion, loud enough to make him jump even at distance. The ground trembled under their feet. He steadied himself and whipped his head around to look back in the direction they had come from.

Where the ranch had once stood, nothing remained.

Chapter Text

The fire crackled, burning hungrily upon the nest of logs, casting long cascading shadows along the clearing. It was punctuated only by the sound of the occasional hoot of an owl, and by the ominous sound of the oppressive silence. Rai sat cross-legged on the ground, staring into its depths, his companions likewise seated in a circle around. Lloyd, to Rai's left, had been especially still, uncharacteristically so, staring at the ground with his jaw clenched. To Rai's right, Aalissi was straight-backed, eyes closed, almost peaceful. Raine and Genis across from him appeared lost in thought, like twin mirrors, and Kratos sat in the corner, his face as brooding as it always was. Even Colette was quiet, her normally cheerful face shadowed.

Lloyd was the first to break the silence, his fist hitting the ground in front of him in a sudden movement, the thump of it against the ground deafening in comparison. "Dammit!"

It seemed to break a sort of spell, everyone blinking, shifting their gaze to the swordsman. Rai sighed as he shifted on the ground, pulling one knee up to his chest and resting his elbow on it as he looked at Lloyd. He didn't speak, but kept his gaze on his friend, expectant.

"Why…" Lloyd's fists were trembling. "What kind of world do we live in, that…" He stopped, and Rai felt an almost-panic rise in his chest in spite of himself. When Lloyd was at a loss for words, something felt not quite right with the world.

"What did you see?" Rai asked quietly. His gaze never left Lloyd's face.

Lloyd opened his mouth, but didn't answer, looking up at the others almost helplessly. Raine took a deep breath from across the fire. "We encountered some disturbing truths before we managed to get to you in the ranch," she said. Her voice was clear as always, but there was a deep weariness in it.

There was an anticipatory dread in Rai's chest. He swallowed, pushing it aside. "I see," he said carefully, unsure whether he should push or allow the group to reveal this at their own pace.

Raine closed her eyes for a moment, then blinked them open again. Nobody else seemed to want to speak. Eventually, she continued, "We always knew that the Desians were cruel, that they felt themselves superior. We assumed, of course, that they treated humans as slaves in their ranches, doing physical labor or other tasks." Another pause. Rai resisted the urge to speak.

His patience was rewarded as she continued. "What we saw was more than that. Humans being systematically tortured, in rows, as though on an assembly line. Nobody was asking them questions or interrogating them. There was no obvious purpose. No purpose other than the torture itself, the suffering."

Rai's heart was beating hard enough he could hear it in his ears. He swallowed against the sudden unease in his stomach. He hadn't realized Magnius had gone quite this far for efficient exsphere manufacture. Not only that, but although he knew that must be the reason, he couldn't even reveal this to the group without questions about how he knew. They were left believing that the torture was entirely senseless, mechanical, mass sadism. His next breath was shakier than he would have liked.

"And it wasn't trivial torture," Raine continued, after another pause. "I…I won't go into detail. But those people were made to suffer, in many ways. Ways that nobody should have to." Her gaze was shadowed in a way that Rai had never seen from his sister.

Genis, next to her, was silent, but there was clear anger and pain on his face as he stared into the fire, his grip white-knuckled on his kendama. Kratos's eyes had closed, and Colette had tears streaming silently down her cheeks.

"That's enough," Lloyd said. His voice was quiet, but everyone's gaze fell back on him, as though drawn by a magnet. "I…I can't understand why…why that could happen. But there isn't a "why" that could justify it, anyway." His gaze had become fierce, and he looked up from the ground, making eye contact with each member of the group. "We can't allow this evil to continue in the world. We just can't."

Genis was nodding, his gaze locked on Lloyd's, but Raine looked troubled. "I understand your feelings," she said. "Trust me, I do. But we mustn't lose track of our main purpose. In regenerating the world - "

"Regenerate the world?" Lloyd cut in, voice shaking with anger. "What meaning does that have if we can't even help those being wronged before our eyes?"

Rai put his hand firmly on Lloyd's shoulder, but he looked straight at Raine when he spoke. "I agree with Lloyd."

Raw surprise showed in his sister's eyes. He knew why - she would have expected him to be pragmatic, somewhat emotionally distanced - to align with her on this. And he was - but she didn't know what he did.

What do you mean? Akira said. It was the first time he had spoken in a long while.

Making a specific decision to target the ranches is a strategically good decision, Rai replied impatiently. In the game, it just magically happens that way. If we want to keep events predictable, isn't it better to make it an explicit goal? Not only that, this lets me investigate each ranch, taking what I like, with no evidence left over after the destruction.

"Why?" Raine asked, the surprise not bleeding into her voice as she controlled her expression, but her gaze was sharp on his.

"I think finding out more about the Desians, and undermining them, aligns with our journey," Rai said calmly. "Of course, we want to regenerate the world. But there's so much we don't know about that, and the legends passed down by the church are vague. What is the real purpose of the Desians and their ranches? How does the regeneration defeat them? We don't have to stop in our journey, but targeting any Desian ranches we come across kills two birds with one stone - we may gain more understanding of our world and what we're doing, and alleviate suffering at the same time. Help those who are being wronged, as Lloyd says."

He could feel Lloyd's surprised eyes on him, but kept his own on Raine. She held his gaze for a few heartbeats, then shook her head, letting out a breath. "I suppose that's not unreasonable," she said, looking around at the others. "What say the rest of you?"

Colette's blue eyes still held grief, but she glanced up at this, a determination in her gaze. "I agree with Lloyd…and Rai," she said softly. "I…I'm still devoted to my duty to regenerate the world. But I can't simply turn my back on such suffering."

Raine nodded, her gaze moving to Genis. The young half-elf answered without pausing. "I agree with Lloyd, of course," he said, voice hard. "What they're doing is wrong."

Aalissi spoke as well, her eyes finally opening. "I don't know if my voice is the most important," she murmured. "But, for what it is worth…I agree."

There was quiet for a moment, multiple eyes on Kratos. The mercenary sighed, crossing his arms. "I am simply here to do my job of protecting the Chosen," he said. "If this is what you wish, I have no objections."

Aalissi leapt high, flicking her fan open in one fluid motion and letting magical missiles emanate in waves, each precisely striking its own scarecrow target as she somersaulted through the air. When she landed, there were neat blast marks in the center of each dummy.

There was a clapping sound from nearby, and she turned immediately. She'd felt Rai's presence there, of course, but she hadn't consciously processed it.

"Impressive," he said as she met his gaze. He was walking closer to her, hands now casually in his pockets. Compared to when she had first met him in Palmacosta, his hair had grown past his shoulders, giving him a more elegant look, and the muscles in his abdomen and shoulders were more defined.

She inclined her head slightly. "Thank you. Although you, yourself can fight similarly, can you not?" Her gaze lingered on the serrated whip coiled at his hip. She could feel his mana coursing through it - it was no more an ordinary whip than her fan was an ordinary fan.

"Perhaps," he said. His gaze was as intense as ever as he noted her attention. "…If you'd like to touch it, be my guest."

Something about the way he said this might have made a lesser woman blush. Aalissi simply crossed one arm across her belly, tucking her pink hair behind her ear with the other. "Maybe another time," she said. There were answering hints of surprise and amusement in his face.

"More importantly..." he started, beginning to walk in the direction of the lake, his movements inviting her to follow. She obliged, matching his pace while keeping a respectable distance. "I have a promise to make good on, don't I?"

"You do." They were silent for a time until they reached the water's edge and Aalissi was the first to sit, folding her legs neatly to the side and pulling her long hair over one shoulder. Rai dropped down next to her, closer than he'd been when they were standing - she caught a whiff of his scent, clean and warm. He turned to face her, leaning back on his hands.

"Ask away, my dear elf. I can't possibly refuse a lady."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "You already know what I want to know, Rai. And I have been patient."

His smile faded. "Yes. Well..." For a moment he looked uncertain, an expression much closer to his age. "I have reason to believe not all is as it seems about the world regeneration," he said finally. "And I think you do, too."

She didn't humor him. Eventually, he continued. "I don't know how much you know about the different factions. But I have to know more about this world. And...there are things about the elves and their involvement with some of these organizations...that are deeply tied with my own past and heritage." A glint of pain in his eyes, one he wasn't trying to hide.

Her breathing felt constricted. "And that means you joined the Desians why?"

He shook his head. "I'm not really one of them," he said. "You must know that." His gaze was entreating, and he leaned forward a bit. "But pretending to be gives me power, and the ability to gain knowledge I couldn't have otherwise." He stared at her, green eyes piercing, and seemed to come to a decision. "What do you know of the Renegades?"

It was an unfamiliar term. She shook her head. "I don't know what you speak of," she admitted. She resisted the urge to shift backwards, to put distance between them. She let her mana sense reach out to him, softly and stealthily, and felt his powerful core, with only that bare hint of taint that marked him as a half-elf. She could feel no hint of a lie in his emotions.

"A secret faction," he said. "One that opposes the Renegades - and..." he hesitated, searching her gaze. "Cruxis."

She knew her intake of breath had revealed that this organization, she did know. She said nothing.

"It is with the Renegades," Rai said softly, "that my true allegiance lies. I've aligned myself against Cruxis. Now the question is, Aalissi - which faction of the elves do you align with? Those who remain distant from Cruxis, or those who work with them?"

An old pain had surfaced within Aalissi, one that felt both confining and stimulating. "I am no friend of Cruxis," she said, with feeling. "But before I say more, I must ask you. Can you tell me of your personal history with the elven involvement with them?"

He sat back against, letting his gaze drift to the lake. "Do you know of an elf called Althaea?"

She didn't hide her surprise at this. "Of course I do. She was a famous researcher. But Thalendir - " She stopped. It was too painful, too similar to her own story.

Rai was looking at her again now, a wistful sort of sadness in his eyes. "Althaea was my mother, and I was born within Cruxis."

And suddenly, she understood. He, too, was a victim of the chieftain. When Althaea had been handed over to Cruxis to be made use of in whatever terrible way, she must have been with child. And whatever he had experienced as a child had likely turned him against Cruxis, given him a reason to hate them just like she had. But..."Who was your father?" she couldn't help but cautiously ask. "Was he a human?"

Rai smiled slightly, though there was still sadness in his face. "I think that's a story for another time," he said. "And you, Aalissi? Do you not follow your chieftain's leadership in allying with Cruxis?"

"No," she said bluntly. "That was part of why I left the village. And now, others have done the same. I believe they've now established a second settlement, one separate from Thalendir. But I cannot remain there. I must recover what was taken." She felt the familiar fire flood her veins.

Rai was watching her carefully, reflectively. "Was someone dear to you given to Cruxis?" he murmured, his green eyes pinning her to the spot.

She closed her eyes briefly, unable to hold that clear gaze. "Yes," she breathed. "My closest friend. Fae." She opened them again, looking back at the man in front of her. "He was bright, strong. Young and idealistic. But what did that get him?" Her voice shook, strained by grief. Unable to remain on the bank, she rose quickly to her feet, but lacked her usual grace, and began to lose her footing, almost tripping into the lake. In a flash, Rai was beside her, his warm body pressed against her side, stabilizing her.

Normally she would have thanked him and moved away, but her legs still felt weak, and she found herself leaning on him. Unexpectedly, Rai's hands turned her to face him. His gaze was fierce, and his touch at her hips burned. "We'll find him," he said. "And if we can't, we'll still make Cruxis and Thalendir pay - and make it so nobody else has to go through the same thing."

There was an odd feeling in her throat, extending into her chest. For so long, she had been on his mission alone. But now...

She reached out softly, cupping his face briefly with the lightest touch. "Thank you," she murmured. He looked surprised, but his eyes fluttered closed for a moment.

"Don't thank me now," he said. "Thank me once Cruxis is no more."

When Lloyd had returned to their room at the House of Salvation, neither of his two companions had been anywhere in sight. Now, he found himself at the training ground a short distance away. There was evidence of recent magical damage to the training dummies, but nobody was here.

He contemplated whether to do some training himself, but for once, his hands didn't jump to his blades as they normally would. Ever since the mission at the ranch, he hadn't quite felt like himself. Most of the party had returned back to Palmacosta first, escorting the prisoners, while Lloyd had chosen to come with Rai and Aalissi to make their way in the direction of Hakonesia Peak, the rest of the group to join later.

Instead, he found himself walking aimlessly, staring at the tall grass around him. He could see the lake in the distance, a shimmering expanse, the water peaceful. As he got closer, the bank coming into sharper relief, he realized there were two familiar figures sitting near the water - Aalissi, her pink locks cascading down around her, and Rai, close beside her, speaking to her, leaning in, lips barely moving. Lloyd made to call out to them, but before he could, Aalissi had stood suddenly and stumbled. Rai was up in a flash, his arm encircling her waist as she fell against him. Lloyd stopped walking, and stared. Instead of stepping away after steadying her, Rai had put his hands at her waist, turning her towards him, their bodies nearly touching as he said something emphatically, though Lloyd couldn't make out the words. Something in him wanted to look away, but he found himself continuing to watch as Aalissi reached out and cupped Rai's face. The scene felt private, something Lloyd hadn't been meant to see.

Still, when a moment later Aalissi stepped back, out of Rai's arms, something in Lloyd felt relieved. He could feel his heart pounding unnecessarily hard in his chest. He waited a few extra moments before starting to walk forward again, and as he approached he saw the moment when both sensed him, Rai turning his gaze from Aalissi to Lloyd, raising a hand in greeting.

"What were you guys talking about?" he found himself saying as he moved closer, then cursed inwardly. Sometimes he hated his own straightforward nature.

Thankfully, neither of them seemed fazed, though there was still a touch of color in Aalissi's cheeks, different from her normal regal calmness. "Just getting to know each other a bit better," Rai said, shifting his weight away from Aalissi and letting one hand rest on his hip. "I think we've all been a bit on edge since…the ranch."

The explanation made sense. Lloyd had no reason to feel slightly irritated, absolutely none. He pushed the immature feelings away, to be more closely examined later. "Yeah," he agreed, honestly. "But we're together. And…we'll get through it." He believed it, but maybe saying it again would make him believe it more.

Rai was still looking at him, his gaze knowing, but some degree of warmth had entered his eyes. "That's such a Lloyd thing to say."

"Thanks for earlier," Lloyd said, ignoring this. "For backing me up when we talked at the campfire, about going after the Desians. …Both of you." He looked at Aalissi, as well, and she dipped her head politely.

"I appreciate your sense of justice, Lloyd," the elf said. Her voice was delicate but precise, as always. Lloyd pushed away another wave of inappropriate irritation. This isn't like me. She's being genuine.

"Thanks, Aalissi." He smiled at her, and some of the heaviness in his chest eased, though he rubbed the back of his head with one hand, a bit embarrassed at the praise. "Though it's nothing special. I…I'm just glad I have friends that are willing to go along with it, and help me do what's right. Are you planning to continue with our group? I feel like I don't know much about you."

She seemed to hesitate, hugging her body with her arms and crossing her legs at the ankles. "Yes. I…I have my own issues with the Desians. I hope in time I can tell you more."

Maybe she had her own painful past, just like he did. "I'm sorry for whatever you went through," he said, looking directly at her, and her eyes glimmered with some unknown emotion.

"Thank you."

After a moment, Rai broke the silence. "Shall we return to camp?" He didn't wait for a response, starting to wade back through the tall grass. Lloyd fell into step beside him, Aalissi trailing behind.

"Are you upset?" Rai murmured after a moment. The question made Lloyd's heart pound again in response, and he took a breath. Why would Rai choose to ask this with Aalissi still close behind? There was no way she wouldn't be able to hear the conversation. Even Lloyd knew enough about elves to understand that.

"Of course not," he responded quickly- perhaps too quickly. How else could he even answer? He took another breath and amended, quietly, "I mean - it sounds like you guys have secrets I don't know about. But I can wait until you're comfortable telling me."

They were quiet again for some time, Aalissi falling back into step with them as they approached the training grounds. This time, Lloyd felt a familiar energy, the irritation he'd felt making his palms itch to unsheathe his blades.

"Want to spar?" he said as they walked up to the charred training dummies. Rai grinned, running a finger down the handle of his whip - a weapon Lloyd still wasn't sure where he'd gotten.

"Sure. But only if Aalissi joins in. She was incinerating those scarecrows impressively before." Beside Rai, Aalissi stepped forward, pulling her large intricate fan off her back and twirling it expertly.

Lloyd didn't answer verbally, choosing to unsheathe his blades in one fluid motion, whirling through the air towards Rai. He saw the half-elf's expression change, tightening as he moved quickly in response, unsheathing his own blade and bringing it up to parry the blow with a clang. Even as he continued his onslaught, there was something that felt oddly familiar about the situation, the way Rai's lithe body moved, the swing of his sword, giving Lloyd a strange feeling of deja vu.

He let his mind loose, losing himself in the movements, trying to overwhelm Rai with sheer speed and power. He paused when one of his blows nicked Rai's arm as the half-elf missed the parry, and leapt back, dropping his swords to the ground. He didn't have the presence of mind to spar safely with real swords right now. Without him verbalizing this, Rai met his gaze and let his own sword drop to the ground as well, showing his palms as if to invite Lloyd to continue, even as his breaths came hard and heavy. Aalissi stood nearby, poised and assessing, then set her own fan down as well. When Lloyd blurred forward again in Rai's direction, she intercepted, vaulting forward gracefully into a spinning kick that Lloyd barely managed to dodge with a growl of frustration.

The next few moments blurred together as Lloyd attacked Rai in hand-to-hand, utilizing the unique explosive style he had learned from Dirk, while Rai dodged nimbly and Aalissi intercepted with her own elegant martial artistry. He wasn't sure when it had become a two-on-one match against him, but he welcomed it, letting himself hold back less, pouring his effort and power into the fight. He could feel Rai tiring, his blows less energetic, blocks turning into retreats. There was a sheen of sweat on the half-elf's exposed skin, his breath coming in gasps, but he continued the fight even as Lloyd pressed his advantage, finally managing to land a blow on Aalissi that sent her careening across the clearing, cartwheeling to a kneeling position, her hair askew, and managed to swipe Rai's legs from under him, pinning him to the ground by the throat.

Rai tapped the ground, a universal sign of surrender, and Lloyd instantly released the pressure on his throat, though he didn't immediately move off him, still pinning him with his body. Rai gasped desperately for air, lips parted, but his eyes, heavy-lidded from exhaustion, were on Lloyd. "Fuck...you," he managed, but without any real vitriol. As Lloyd fought to catch his own breath, his own sensations came back to him one by one - the pounding of his heart in his chest, blood rushing through him. Hid hair, slicked with sweat. And Rai's body, hot underneath his. With this last realization came a tingle of heat down his neck and spine, different from the simple aftereffects of battle. Quickly, he rolled off Rai, getting to his feet and offering the other his hand.

There was a pause as Rai caught his breath, pushing his hair back from his face, before he took Lloyd's hand and stood. Despite his sweat and exhaustion, his skin was only lightly flushed, but the way he was still looking right at Lloyd made that same tingle under his collar intensify. He ran his hand through his hair and looked away, towards Aalissi, who was walking back towards them, gathering her hair back together over one shoulder.

Lloyd glanced back at Rai, and the half-elf's gaze lingered on him for several beats longer before he smirked slightly and looked over at Aalissi. "Are you okay, my lady?" he asked, tone mixing genuine question with playfulness. "I think we may have ignored you a little too much. Might leave you thinking we don't know how to show a lady a good time."

Aalissi actually smiled, her appearance now as smooth as ever as she finished tying a white ribbon in her hair and crossed her arms under her chest. "On the contrary, Rai. I found myself enjoying myself quite a bit."

He got the distinct feeling he was missing something, but ignored it and held out his hand. "Good fight, Aalissi. You're a strong opponent. I could tell you weren't going all out."

She look at his hand uncertainly for a moment, as though unsure what she was meant to do with it, then reached out, placing her hand in his. Lloyd shook it firmly.

"Thank you, Lloyd," she said. Her smile returned for a moment. "Though I'd like to spar one-on-one sometime. Rai tends to require…a lot of attention."

This startled a laugh out of him. "He really does." He looked back at Rai, who had an expression of mock affront on his face, belied by the persistent smirk.

As they all reclaimed their equipment and made their way back towards the House, Lloyd realized that somehow, he felt lighter, more at ease.

Rai sat on the now-familiar bank, staring out over the now-black water of the lake, lit only by moonlight.

How many moonlit rendezvous are you planning to have, anyway? Akira snarked. As was starting to become customary, Rai ignored him. While he waited for the man he was meeting to arrive, he might as well think about something more productive -

Like what the hell happened during that spar today? Akira cut in. Rai sighed heavily, even as his other self continued, Seriously. What was that? I know I tease you about Lloyd, but…what you felt just there was not friendship, kid.

What do you think it was, then? Rai shot back wearily. And, regardless of your answer - what do you suggest I do about it? Don't we have enough to worry about already, Akira? A possible inevitable doom, multiple crazy thousand-year-old fathers, triple-agent status…do I  need to continue?

I mean - fair enough - but that doesn't mean this isn't an issue, too, Akira argued. If you're this attached to him, you're going to start making stupid decisions. May as well do so with awareness.

He didn't respond immediately, pulling his legs in and crossing them, and shutting his eyes for a moment, feeling the breeze on his face. …Okay. Fine. I…maybe it isn't just a friendship. Maybe it's more. But again, what can I do about it? Do you really think explicitly addressing that is going to help anything? And not only that, won't it only complicate matters? All I can do is do my best to manage it, and keep making decisions as best as I can otherwise…am I wrong?

Akira, for his part, was quiet for a moment. I…just be careful, brat. I'll stop pushing - but eventually, this decision's going to be made for you.

He had nothing to say, so he didn't. And it was just then, with surprisingly good timing, that Kratos made his appearance, materializing next to Rai so suddenly that he almost jumped.

Managing not to react, Rai stretched out a leg in front of him casually, turning to face Kratos as the mercenary settled on the bank next to him. "Fa-" he started, then paused, the word stuck in his throat. Father, he had been about to say - what he had been calling Kratos almost since his first reappearance. Somehow, after the pivotal meeting with Yuan, it felt different. Then, deliberately, he continued. "Father," he said, dipping his head in acknowledgement. He could see from the narrowing in Kratos's eyes that the odd moment hadn't gone unnoticed.

"Son," Kratos said, mirroring him. He smiled slightly. "Though I'm not your only father, now. Maybe you're richer for it."

Rai felt odd, hearing that. Was it that simple? He simply had two fathers?

Didn't you say it yourself earlier? Akira pointed out, darkly amused. Multiple crazy thousand-year-old fathers? Don't act all shocked now.

"I suppose so," he said out loud. "I - maybe I've started to accept him now. My other father."

Kratos met his gaze calmly, and there was some genuine relief in the way he leaned back, shoulders losing some of their tension. "You had a conversation with Yuan, then?"

"…Yes. And I learned a lot from it." Rai leaned forward. "I…I don't know if I want to delve into the depths of all of that right now. But there are some important things I have to clarify with you. Like what to do about Mithos, for one."

His father seemed to understand immediately, lips tightening. "This is part of why I didn't want you on this Journey," he admitted. "Mithos will find out you're alive. I must admit that this…causes me some disquiet."

"But we can't avoid it," Rai pressed. "Even if I abandoned the group now - I'm too involved. Even just with Yuan. I can't just walk away. One day or another, Mithos will know. So what's our strategy?"

Kratos seemed to consider this, staring out over the lake for a moment. "How much did Yuan tell you - and how much do you remember?"

"I know you faked my death," Rai said bluntly. "That after what - what happened to me - you didn't think it was safe for me to be with Mithos anymore. So you somehow made it look like I'd been killed by - some sort of anti-half-elf group?"

Kratos nodded, his gaze shadowed. Before he could respond, Rai continued, voice a bit strained, "I should say this, too. Father - thank you for doing that. For doing what you could to protect me. And…what happened…it wasn't your fault."

The mercenary's face showed raw shock, eyes widening. Rai could guess why. It must be unexpected to hear this, especially when only a few short months ago, Rai had been coldly angry, even asking Kratos for favors in return for how he had been wronged in the past.

To his credit, though, Kratos didn't try to argue against Rai's framing. "Thank you, my son," he murmured, and Rai was suddenly strongly reminded of a very similar moment in Yuan's audience chamber. Two fathers it is, then. "Whether I deserve your gratitude or not…I should not do you the dishonor of rejecting it. You've really grown."

He inclined his head, serving the dual purpose of acknowledging Kratos's praise and hiding his face for a moment. The unexpected warmth in the words had reached him, even if he wasn't quite sure what to call the feeling. When he raised his head, it was to return to his objective. "So when Mithos finds out I'm alive, what are you going to tell him?"

Kratos hesitated. "I know you're more aligned with Yuan, Rai - but it still remains that I have a certain…loyalty to Mithos -"

"Yes, you're still loyal to Cruxis - I know," Rai interrupted, a bit frustrated. "But it's not as though you'd want Mithos to find out you deceived him. Maybe a story about my having been kidnapped by that group and somehow escaping, or being rescued? Perhaps I don't even remember the details of it. I end up being found by Raine, and the rest is history."

His father looked taken aback only for a moment, and rallied quickly. "Yes. That's how it happened, and what I will tell Mithos, should he ask."

The pause that followed was heavy. "Thank you," Rai said finally. "Though - perhaps you should reconsider where you fall, more broadly. I…learned some additional things from Yuan. Like what happened when you yourself defected from Cruxis…and what caused you to go back."

This time, Kratos must have been more prepared for Rai to surprise him, because only the slightly movement of his knuckles at his sides betrayed his reaction. "That was then," he said, voice somewhat rough now. "What I lost - "

"Yes, you lost," Rai interrupted. "But now? You know Lloyd is alive. And I'm back in your life, too. Can you really say you have nothing left but to cling to Mithos?"

Kratos chuckled, startling Rai. "I really cannot understate how much you've grown, my son." The warmth in his voice made Rai off-balance, uncertain, and he looked away, back across the water. He had expected defensiveness or pain, not this…whatever this was. After a moment, Kratos continued, still with some amusement, "You're right. But there's only so much hard-hitting truth us old men can take in one session. Give me some time, and take your win for now."

He let out a breath, and managed to turn back towards Kratos again. "Fine." Somehow, the word lacked the bite he'd meant it with when he said it aloud. He wanted to ask more - like, when was Kratos going to reveal to Lloyd that he was his father? - but Kratos's request for time had taken some of the wind out of his sails. So instead of saying anything else, he stood, offered a hand to Kratos.

Kratos took it.

When Genis had read about Hakonesia Peak as simply a barren mountain range that separated the central and eastern continents, he hadn't expected it to feel so - serene? Majestic? It was hard to really find the right word - and that was saying something, for him.

The sun was starting to creep down the horizon on the other side of the range, as though it was falling down, nearly hiding behind the austere cliffs. The air was cooler here, crisper - far different from the warm, salty breeze in Palmacosta. Their seven shadows stretched longer and longer as they walked, dappled on the cashew-colored stone wall of the adjacent cliff, and Genis's breath blew out like a cloud as his breathing quickened the higher they ascended. By the time they finally reached the mountain pass, heralded by tall flags set into the stone, he was glad to collapse at the edge of a nearby clearing while the group entered the small dwelling present there. He glanced up when another shadow fell over him, furrowing his brow slightly when he recognized Rai.

"Hey," Genis said by way of greeting as his brother settled silently on the ground beside him, running a hand through his now-longer pale hair and staring out over the expanse of the plains between here and Palmacosta. He was tired of the tension between them as of late, and they hadn't had much of a chance to talk since Rai's kidnapping.

"How are you holding up?" Rai asked, still not looking at him. Genis felt a pang in his chest - surely, *he* should be the one asking his brother that question.

"Okay," he said aloud. "What about you? I know you don't like to talk about your feelings, but…I mean, some crazy stuff just happened. You got kidnapped by the Desians, for Martel's sake. We haven't even talked about it."

Rai did look at him then, lips curving into a ghost of a smile. "You must have been dying to ask that. Surprised you lasted this long."

"Hey," Genis said again, this time with mock indignance. "Seriously. Don't downplay it. I'm really worried about you, you bastard."

"Mm. You're not going to ask what Magnius wanted with me, or how he even would have known who I was?"

"…Not if you don't want to say," Genis said deliberately, and saw Rai blink at that.

"Surprisingly restrained of you," he said. "Well…honestly, I don't know much. They didn't interrogate me or anything. Whatever they might have planned, you all rescued me before they had a chance to execute it."

Genis let some of the tension in his spine release, leaning back on his hands. "I guess that's good, at least. Still, it does bother me. Why they specifically went after you like that, and said Magnius wanted something with you. Though I guess it doesn't matter, now that…" He hadn't realized it would be hard to say it.

"Now that we've killed Magnius by blowing up his ranch?" Rai completed dryly, no hint of disquiet in his voice.

"Well, yeah." He palmed his forehead for a moment, sitting up again. "Okay, look. Let me just get to the point here. Rai, I know there's more going on behind the scenes than you're telling me. And maybe now I have things I'm hiding too - like, remember when I said I got the warning about the raid from a random half-elf? You probably guessed, but he wasn't just a random half-elf."

He paused, but Rai let the silence linger for some time, though there was no judgement in his eyes. Finally, Genis continued, "It was the same guy who dragged me back to Iselia. The one with the purple hair - and the same guy who - " Another pause. "Well, you weren't there for the actual Palmacosta raid. But he was - and it just reminded me that - even if they're fellow half-elves - those Desians can't be trusted. They're…just evil." He felt a familiar burning in his throat and swallowed forcefully.

"Genis, do you know much about the elves?" Rai said, and Genis could only blink at him for a moment.

"Well - not really," he admitted finally. "Obviously, they're still around - Aalissi is one, even - but we have no idea where they might live. Not anymore, after all the conflicts."

"Aren't you curious?" Rai continued. "You're right, Genis - there's a lot I'm not - that I can't - tell you. Not yet. But this is one thing I'm trying to learn about. The elves, and how some of them might fit in with the current state of the world. Aren't you curious? Why do the Desians exist? What is the point of their human ranches? How exactly does the Regeneration even fix anything?"

He stopped himself from answering immediately, from reciting the textbook answers they'd learned in class. Obviously, Rai was questioning the narrative. And despite himself, he was curious about the elves. "What are you saying?" he said finally, slowly.

"You're smart, Genis," Rai said, and coming from him, Genis knew this wasn't mere flattery. "I could use your help. To research anything we do know - about when the elves melted into the background - why and how. Where their settlement might be now. And…what it is the books don't say - and where they contradict each other."

The burning in his throat was back, but there was also an anticipatory thudding in his chest - not entirely bad. Rai was finally including him - even if in the most cryptic, Rai way possible - and Genis had to take that olive branch.

"Sure," he said, the casual word belying what lay underneath. "Of course. I actually already have some books that vaguely reference the elves - all I have to do is cross-reference them with anything I can find in libraries - although you probably should've told me this earlier, I could've used the Palmacosta Academy for research - "

Rai was grinning slightly now, somewhat sheepish. "You're right, I probably should have. But I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out, right?"

Chapter Text

Rai leaned back against the solid trunk of the tree, ignoring the bark scraping uncomfortably against his exposed skin. In his hand, he held a small box - black, unassuming enough, but of exquisite make. He stared at it before letting his hands close over it again, tilting his head back, the pitch black sky visible briefly through the tree tops before his eyes closed.

Oh, come on, Akira's voice came impatiently in his mind. Why not just open it, already? I'm curious, too, you know.

Rai ignored him, suppressing the urge to shiver as a cutting breeze blew through the forest, making the trees rustle. He supposed he should have expected the Asgard region to be this windy, but that didn't make it any less irritating.

Seriously? You're going to get lost in thought now?

Ignoring Akira again, he cast his mind back to the events of the day - they'd investigated the city, learned of the supposed ritual to summon the summon spirit, and wound up facing the false summon spirit, just as they had in the game. Only then had the group finally learned that the true seal lay in the Balacruf Mausoleum.

He'd considered nudging them in the right direction to begin with, but they were already suspicious enough of him as it was. No need to add even more things to explain away. It was probably better this way anyway. It gave him time - time to figure out what he was going to change, and how.

Rai opened his eyes, looking back down at the box in his hands. He hadn't quite thought through everything when he'd asked Yuan to give it to him. Equipping it seemed the obvious move. But what would happen? Was...was his mother's spirit, or imprint...still within it?

He felt the muscles in his neck tighten as he forced himself not to look away from the box. He would have to evaluate the exsphere eventually. There was no reason to wait.

Tuning out whatever other unimportant thing Akira was now saying, Rai let his mana flow into the box. It warmed in his hand, and without preamble, clicked open.

The stone was surprisingly simple - round, pebble-sized. It was hard to make out its color in the dark, but it looked paler than Rai had expected. Carefully, but a little awkwardly, he picked it out of the box with his gantlet-covered hand, taking care not to make contact with the uncovered tips of his fingers.

I have a feeling I shouldn't let it touch me directly unless I'm ready to equip it, he thought in Akira's direction, interrupting whatever else his other self had been saying.

Probably, Akira admitted. You're the expert on all this magical stuff, though, brat.

Rai rolled his eyes. So helpful. He took a steadying breath. There was nothing for it, then. He'd unequip his current exsphere, and equip this one.

Wait, Akira broke in. Are we sure your regular key crest is going to be enough?

He hesitated, gazing at the object in his palm. It glimmered ever so slightly in the moonlight. We can't be certain. But as far as I know, it's only Cruxis Crystals that need any specific care in that realm - or in the case of rare side effects, like that condition Colette develops later. Even for Cruxis Crystals, the reason Colette gets all these side effects is supposed to be because she doesn't have a key crest, right?

The emotion Akira sent him could be best described as a shrug. We're sure this isn't a Crystal?

I… Rai kept his gaze fixed on the innocent-looking marble. I suppose we can't be sure. But Yuan didn't seem to think it was. He'd know, wouldn't he?

…Fair enough. Well, get on with it then, brat. We can't sit here hesitating all night.

He slid the exsphere back into the box, then grasped the gem already set into the back of his other hand. With a quick motion and a grimace, he tore it off. Sharp pain stabbed his hand a moment later, as his body caught up to the fact that some of his skin had just been ripped off.

Kind of gross how they grow into you like that, isn't it? Akira mused. Rai shook his hand, scowling. The pain abated into a dull throb, and he detached the key crest from his old exsphere. With it off, he suddenly felt weaker, his muscles heavier and his mana muted. Carefully, he slipped it into his pocket. It, too, was alive, after all. Then, after pausing to consider, he pulled his shirt off over his head.

Wait, are you…?

Not bothering to respond, he scooped up the new exsphere again and pressed it to the key crest. Then, slowly, he brought it towards his now-bare chest.

The moment it contacted him was familiar - the hot, searing feeling of the exsphere reacting to him, to his mana, and attaching itself to his skin. But then, inexplicably, suffocating grief, longing, and guilt filled him, like drowning in a dark pool, so deep that he couldn't see the light. Simultaneously, his mana seemed to flow out of him - out, into the ground, the air, the tree at his back - and it was as though his senses had expanded, like a deaf person regaining their hearing, or a blind person suddenly able to see. There was life, mana in everything - each tree with its own signature, power flooding through every blade of grass. Rai realized he was laughing wildly, even as inexplicable tears poured down his cheeks.

-ai! Rai, stop it! I may not know much about magic, but even I can tell if you keep doing this, you'll die!

The voice, which he belatedly realized was Akira's, was puzzling, and it was hard to pay attention to it, when there was so much else. His breathing came easier now, though the crushing pain in his chest was still there, but it barely bothered him, peripheral compared to the expanse that was the forest - a sea of energy, undulating, until Rai could hardly tell where his body ended and it began.

Rai! Snap out of it!

His vision blurred, and dimly, he tried to focus on Akira's words, on the alarm in them. It was true, his life force was indeed fading out of him - his limbs, once at his command, felt light and heavy all at once, and cold, with no movement left in them. But was that truly an issue? He wasn't just his body anymore - he was more.

Rai! There was something strange about Akira's voice, something he'd never heard before, and it made him pause, focus back on the words. Seriously - even if you don't care about losing yourself in this moment - think of the others. Lloyd? Genis? Raine? What would they say if you were gone? Come on, if you still want to be one with the universe later, you still can - just stop for now!

Lloyd. Suddenly he was back in his body for a moment, the swordsman's face flashing into his mind.  What would Lloyd be thinking now, with Rai not having yet returned? Was he searching for him?

Yes, exactly, Akira said urgently. Lloyd. Come on, let's go find him.

Find him. To do that, Rai would have to stand up, and right now his legs…

He clamped down on his mana forcefully, with all the strength he could muster, and forced it to stop flooding out of his body, even as severing that connection hurt, felt like his spirit was being rent in two. And then, even though he was still dimly aware of the heightened mana in everything, it wasn't euphoric or ever-present - like it had retreated, and left Rai his body again.

For a moment, he just lay there, trembling. At some point during that, he must have slid to the ground, because he lay on his back, the leaves rough against his bare skin. The air was colder, the sky darker. …How long was I out?

I…I don't know either. Akira sounded exhausted now. A while, I think. I…I couldn't feel most of what you felt, but I felt some of it. Rai - what the hell did that exsphere do?

He exhaled shakily and managed to sit up, but it took longer than it should have. I'm not sure. Feelings flooded through me immediately - like a terrible sadness - I don't know if that had to do with my mother, and what she felt during its creation? He swallowed and closed his eyes for a moment. He needed to try to stand, needed to make his way back into town - if he didn't, there was no guarantee Lloyd or anyone else could find him. And then…it felt like something was back, something that was part of me - that had been torn away, long ago, that until now I hadn't known was gone. I've always been able to sense mana, but all of a sudden, it was everywhere - and so strong, stronger than I've ever felt. And… He struggled to articulate himself, not sure if Akira would understand. It wasn't just mana anymore. It was life. Feeling. Meaning. And it was all connected.

He finally managed to push himself up off the ground, staggering and stabilizing himself against the nearby tree, as Akira said, Wow. Well - maybe it has something to do with the experimental nature of the exsphere? The usual ones are awoken on humans, not elves, after all. And apparently this one fed off your mother while she was pregnant with you. Maybe it fed off your energy, too?

Maybe. Rai cast around briefly before finding his shirt and managing to pull it back on. It wouldn't do to return to Asgard shirtless, after all - or with an obviously new, special exsphere. His new expansion of sensation was still there - his awareness of the pulsating life energy around him unable to be ignored - but he was already getting used to it, like it had been there all along. We need to get back to town.

Lloyd reached the front gate of Asgard and stopped, his breath coming slightly heavy from how quickly he'd combed the village.

But if he wasn't in the village, where would Rai have gone this late at night?

His hands curled into fists as he scanned the forest beyond the entrance as though expecting to see Rai emerge from between the trees at any second. The details of the landscape were hard to make out, lit only by the dim light of the crescent moon. If Lloyd wanted to venture out there to look for him, he'd have to go back to the inn and grab his gear - as it was, he wore a simple black tank top and pants, all that was really needed for a casual walk around town.

Just as he'd decided to go back and grab his swords, he saw a figure stagger out of the woods and froze, watching. As the man got closer, walking with less purpose and vigor than Rai would, Lloyd realized it was Rai - his clothes covered in dust, his pale hair in disarray, and his eyes gleaming with exhaustion. He didn't appear to have his sword with him, but he had his gauntlet, and that whip he always kept at his hip now. Lloyd might be imagining it in the moonlight, but his face looked pale.

Lloyd raced forward to meet him, several paces past the entrance, and Rai paused, just looking at him. As Lloyd reached him, he swayed slightly. Though he righted himself immediately, Lloyd cursed and grabbed his arm anyway to steady him.

Multiple thoughts surfaced - Where were you, you idiot? Why didn't you tell me where you were going? What the hell happened? - but what came out, somewhat roughly, was, "Are you okay?"

Rai didn't shrug his hand away, which almost made Lloyd slacken his grip in shock, and his gaze when he looked at Lloyd was softer than he usually saw, but strangely knowing. "Thanks," he murmured. "For coming to look for me."

His angry follow up questions died in his throat. Rai hadn't answered the question, but…obviously he wasn't okay. "Of course, you idiot," he said tightly. "Let's get back inside first. And you're leaning on me whether you want to or not."

He waited a beat, but somehow, Rai didn't object at all, just leaned into Lloyd's support and started walking again, Lloyd automatically following. They made their way back to the inn in silence. Lloyd realized that Rai's shoulders were trembling slightly where he had gripped them, and he had to keep himself from tightening his hold on the half-elf in frustration. What the hell had happened? This level of exhaustion wasn't normal for just training. But it didn't look like he'd been in a fight with anyone else, either.

Finally, they reached the room where Lloyd and Rai had been staying. The others were housed elsewhere, which meant that for better or worse, nobody else was likely to be aware of Rai's foray into the forest. Lloyd expected Rai to crumple into bed immediately, but he hesitated at the edge of it, bracing a hand against the side, then made to tug his shirt off over his head. His fingers fumbled and he nearly fell again. Lloyd had had enough.

"You stubborn idiot," he said, immediately stabilizing him by the waist. "Tell me what you're trying to do. I'll help." He didn't wait for Rai to respond, grasping the hem of his shirt, but Rai's sudden hand on his wrist stopped him.

"Wait," the half-elf said weakly. "I - actually, I'll sleep with it on - "

Lloyd's eyebrows must be near his hairline. Rai, wanting to sleep in dusty, sweaty clothes? And why had he suddenly changed his mind? There was something more to this.

"Don't you want to at least change?" he pressed. "You're covered in dirt. I can grab a washcloth, too."

Rai's eyes closed for a moment, as though he was gathering himself. "Okay. Can you hand me a different shirt? I - I can change into it myself, I was just dizzy there for a moment. I'm better now."

This wasn't the time to pressure him. Lloyd grabbed one of his own clean black tank tops from his bags and handed it over to Rai. "Don't fall," he warned, and moved to the corner of the room where there was a bucket of clean bathing water and several clean washcloths. As he wet one, he couldn't help but glance back worriedly over his shoulder. Rai had turned his back and had finally managed to slip off his top. He seemed to be about to put on the tank top.

"Wait," Lloyd said, walking back over quickly. Rai's barely-there flinch didn't escape him, so he stayed standing behind the half-elf - he must have turned for a reason.

"Yes?" Rai turned his head to give Lloyd a sidelong glance, but kept his body facing away. The lines of his neck were tense. In answer, Lloyd put a hand on Rai's shoulder, and then when his friend didn't pull away, used the washcloth to clean the dirt of Rai's back, using careful, deliberate movements. But when he went to move to Rai's arms, the half-elf reached out, taking the cloth from him.

"Thanks, Lloyd." His voice was tired, but sincere. "I can take care of the rest on my own. Please."

He swallowed, mouth suddenly dry. "Okay." Don't think you've heard the last of this, he thought, but didn't have the heart to interrogate his friend now. Not while he was…like this. "Get some rest," he said instead.

Soon after, Rai seemed to be deep in sleep, his breaths peaceful for once. Lloyd, however, lay there, staring at the black behind his closed eyelids. Sleep, as much as he would have welcomed it, refused to come.

Raine stared at her brother, concern, anger, and suspicion warring within her. Pale as he was, leaning against the headboard of the bed, there was a defiant glint in his green eyes as he looked back at her.

"Don't be mad at him, Professor," Lloyd implored from where he sat nearby, perched on the edge of his own bed. She turned in her chair enough to give him a withering look before directing her attention back to Rai. She still couldn't fully make sense of the relationship between the two, but she had something more important to deal with now.

That diagnostic spell she had just run…

"What happened exactly, Rai?" she asked, tightly controlled.

"I - went a bit too far testing a new technique," he said, exactly as she'd expected he would.

"And what technique was this?"

"I won't say more than that now." The statement was firm, like a matter of course. She stared him down, and he held her gaze.

"And you didn't tell us this last night…why?" She turned again to glance at Lloyd, gaze cutting.

"I didn't want him to say anything," Rai said calmly, directing attention back away from Lloyd. "I could tell I hadn't drained myself enough that I wasn't in any real danger. I hoped I'd recover enough by this morning."

It was reasonable, in a way, that was the trouble.

"You could have recovered more quickly with support earlier," she argued. "Waiting was reckless, Rai."

To this, he gave no response, but the resignation in his gaze was answer enough. She sighed. "Regardless, you aren't well enough to travel today."

Lloyd cut in again at that, and as she turned to look back at him she noted his fists were clenched where they rested on his thighs. "I can stay with him - "

"No," she said immediately, and then paused when she saw the look in his eyes. "I appreciate your concern, Lloyd, but strategically, it makes more sense for myself to stay. I'm more attuned to healing, and the group would feel your loss more from a battle standpoint. The trial at Balacruf is unlikely to be easy."

The young man seemed to struggle with himself for a moment, then glanced back at Rai, who met his gaze and nodded once. Lloyd sighed. "Okay. Thank you, Professor."

She stood from the chair. "I'll go let the others know that Rai and I will be staying," she said. "I'm sure Kratos will be able to guide you well enough. Though I am disappointed not to be able to see the ruins…" She sighed, then looked back at Rai, gaze sharpening. "But this is more important. I hope you take this time to think a little bit about your recklessness, young man."

Not waiting for him to respond, she turned and left the room. As she descended the stairs, she heard Lloyd murmur something to Rai, and not for the first time, wondered what it was that she was missing.

Genis sighed as he stubbed his toe on a root for what felt like the umpteenth time, and took a few staggering steps to regain his balance. Ahead of him, Colette seemed to be navigating the path with surprising grace, considering her often-clumsy nature. Lloyd, on the other hand, in lockstep beside him, looked distant, gaze fixed ahead, his usual excited chatter absent. Kratos, bringing up the rear, was silent as ever.

"So what did happen to Rai, anyway?" Genis asked Lloyd quietly. His friend sighed, shaking his head and massaging his temples.

"I don't know," he muttered. "He did something last night, and got back exhausted. But he didn't tell me anything."

"He didn't seem injured?" Genis pressed. He hadn't gotten the chance to talk to his brother himself before they left - Raine had insisted that he would be fine, but that he needed to rest and not be bothered.

Lloyd shook his head. "Not specifically. I mean, his hand..." He trailed off, furrowing his brow.

"His hand?"

Lloyd seemed to think better of whatever he had been about to say. "No, he just seemed generally exhausted. Didn't look like he'd been attacked or robbed, either. I think what he told Raine - about going too far practicing some technique - is probably right. It's just, he wouldn't elaborate on what it was."

"So he had to stay behind because he nearly exhausted his mana in some way?" Genis guessed. Lloyd looked blank and Genis sighed.

"Maybe?" Lloyd said finally. "You know I can't sense it. But I guess that could be why he was so exhausted like that. He seemed mostly fine physically."

"...how much do you know about the things he's hiding, Lloyd?" Genis asked. "It's obvious he's not totally honest with any of us, but it seems like you two have been closer lately."

"Not a lot," Lloyd admitted. "And I also don't want to betray his trust by telling others things he's not ready to share yet."

"Of course," Genis said, and waited.

"He...I think he's had a difficult past," Lloyd added finally. "And he's still dealing with some of the issues from that, and maybe it's part of why he's...like he is. But other than that - I don't know what else he might be hiding. It feels like he knows a lot about...well, everything. I don't know how."

"He asked me some weird questions recently," Genis shared quietly. Colette and Kratos shouldn't be able to hear at this distance, as humans. He cast back in his mind to that moment, his eidetic memory finally coming in handy. "He said there was a lot he couldn't tell me yet, but that he was trying to find out more about the elves. And he asked, 'Why do the Desians exist? What is the point of their human ranches? How exactly does the Regeneration even fix anything?'"

Lloyd was quiet for a few beats, the only sound their footfalls in the dirt. Then, "I don't think I'm smart enough to understand the implications." He shook his head. "But...that idiot. It sounds like he's trying to fix everything on his own. Why not tell us? We're his friends." His voice had started to rise slightly, but quieted again at Genis's sharp look.

"He might be letting us in a bit," Genis pointed out. "He actually asked me to help dig up information on the elves. And honestly, even asking me those questions was...a lot. It tells me that he's questioning - " he softened his voice further. "The entire narrative. The Journey itself."

He could see the gears turning in Lloyd's mind as his friend struggled to understand this. "So..." He hesitated visibly. "He might think we're not doing the right thing? Or maybe there's more to everything than we know?"

"Maybe," Genis confirmed. "Despite whatever he's hiding, though, I think he's probably trying to do the right thing. Cold as he can be, I know deep down...he does care."

"Yeah, exactly." This time there was no hesitation in Lloyd's words. "You don't have to tell me that."

"Somehow, though," Genis continued, "it seems like he opens up more to you. I mean, not in terms of...revealing his plans, or knowledge, or whatever. But...emotionally." Some of his frustration bled into his voice.

Lloyd rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "I...maybe. I think maybe I kind of...made him."

Despite the vagueness of the statement, Genis felt like he understood anyway. He sighed. Lloyd, after all, was...Lloyd.

"Well," he said finally. "I say you keep doing whatever you're doing, Lloyd. And I'll see if I can get him to understand that I can be trusted. Starting with the elven stuff. And then maybe we'll get a clearer picture - of what he knows, what he's hiding, and why."

Lloyd grinned. "Yeah. ...Thanks, Genis."

Genis shook his head, not responding. There was what would have been a significant silence, only he tripped over another root. "Ow! Hey - shut up, Lloyd!"

The swordsman, laughing, grabbed his arm to steady him. "Hey, pay attention to where you're going."

He grumbled, but couldn't stay angry. At least Lloyd was back to himself. Maybe this seal wouldn't be as annoying as he'd thought.

Chapter Text

During his usual exploration of Welgaia, Rai found himself in an unfamiliar prison block. Young though he was, he realized maybe this wasn't the best place to be - but it was too late to back out now. The elderly woman seated in the cell had already noticed him.

"What's your name?" the woman asked him. Rai eyed her suspiciously, but the look in her brown eyes was soft. She looked trustworthy enough.

"I'm Rai," he said finally, though he turned his face obstinately away. When he darted a look at her a few moments later she was still smiling gently.

"Why are you here, Rai?" she asked. "You don't seem like a prisoner."

"I'm not," he admitted. "Mithos is my father's friend. He teaches me stuff while my father is away. I don't really like it here."

"I see," she said.

"Are - are you a prisoner here?" Rai asked her. The lady's eyes turned sad.

"That's right, my child. My name is Sofia."

"Maybe I'll ask Mithos to let you go," Rai offered. He didn't like how sad she looked.

She smiled again, but the darkness didn't leave her eyes. "Thank you, sweet child."

There was a short pause. Then Sofia shifted closer to him and asked, "Would you like me to tell you a story?"

"What kind of story?"

"A story about peace and war, sadness and happiness. A story about humans and half-elves - "

"Tell it to me," Rai ordered her, then paused at the surprised look on her face. He was used to ordering around everyone here except for Mithos and Father, but the way she was looking at him bothered him. "I mean...may I please hear it?" he asked, emulating the way he was meant to speak to Mithos. Sofia looked at him for a few moments, then smiled again.

"Of course, Rai. You see, once upon a time, very very long ago, humans and elves lived in harmony..."

Rai jolted awake, his heart pounding, and took a moment to remember where he was. The odd sensation of hardly any mana in his body, and the vague persistent awareness of the overflow of it in the environment, reminded him; Asgard, after he'd gone and stupidly nearly killed himself with the exsphere, right.

The dream - the memory - it had been innocuous enough, at least on the surface. But something about it made him sick with dread and guilt.

Akira?

His other self almost seemed to sigh, mental voice though he was. So you're finally re-living it all, huh?

I don't know about 'all'. Rai struggled to sit up slightly in bed so he could reach for the water glass on the adjoining table. It was a pretty short memory. And I don't know its significance.

His other self was quiet, and Rai didn't bother to press the matter. He already knew what had happened to him in Cruxis, after all - Yuan had told him. Mithos had forced him to kill someone. Could the memory itself really be much worse?

Rai nearly dropped the glass when somebody suddenly entered the room. Raine immediately sat in the chair near his bed, her blue eyes glimmering with something he couldn't name. "You're awake," she said shortly. "Your sleep has been very restless. I've been doing some research on how to best help you - your mana is nearly totally depleted. It'll recover with time, but…"

He closed his eyes for a moment, gathering himself. "Don't tell me you're considering a transfer?"

She didn't avert her gaze, her eyes still firmly locked on his when he opened them. "It's taboo, but done when needed within family. And Rai, you are family."

He hesitated. "It'll make you weaker, Raine. Until you're able to recover your own mana. I don't know if it's worth it."

Raine looked amused. "Come, Rai. I'm stronger than that. I can do without some of my mana for a few days."

Rai barely knew why he still wanted to resist. He did feel terrible - nearly drained, his mana a painful trickle in his veins, like being parched for water, but with no water able to quench his thirst. Recovery on his own would take slow, painful days - if he took Raine's mana, he could recover enough to move nearly immediately. But…

Her gaze was warm, knowing - something he rarely saw on his sister, someone nearly as guarded as he was. "What are you afraid of?" she murmured. "That I'll know something about you that you don't want to expose? Rai, I raised you. Whatever happened to you before you came to me, in that ever-so-secret organization when your father was away - do you think it'll change our bond?"

He felt like he'd been drenched in ice water. What does she know?

She searched his gaze. "Don't worry. That's all I know. Did you think me completely oblivious? I may not have access to all the facts, but again, I did raise you."

Akira? Are you as baffled as I am? How could she know this?

Maybe you said something about an organization when you first came to live with her, Akira pointed out. And…as for something bad happening to you…I think any freaking idiot could figure that out at this point.

Shut the hell up, Akira.

He swallowed. It felt like knives. "Okay. Ignoring how much that…" It was so hard to say. "…scares me, for inexplicable reasons…I guess…okay."

She didn't respond verbally, gaze warm, and placed a gentle hand on his arm. Rai forced himself not to tense in response and closed his eyes as his sister's mana rushed into him - filling, like a golden glow. His starved system embraced it, the familiar-yet-not power rushing through him, and in it he felt her - intelligent, but warm, her feelings towards him suddenly tangible, like a magical signature showing him her love. He shuddered. It was too much, but at the same time, there was something powerful about it.

He realized he was pulling more and more of her mana, nearly brimming with it, and jerked his arm away from her, almost angrily. She looked a little pale, but her eyes when she opened them were all her - slightly hazy, but present. "Raine - you idiot! Why didn't you stop me after I took just a bit?! You - " Words failed him.

Raine smiled, though she had to put out a hand to steady herself on the bed. "I have nothing to say for myself, Rai," she murmured. "But when I felt your mana, your isolation - " she paused, voice faltering. "Rai, I am here for you. If I cannot support you, what kind of sister does that make me?"

He wanted to punch her and hug her at the same time, and opted for the latter, pulling her in so fast that he couldn't think better of it. "Idiot," he grumbled, and felt her smile again.

"Touche."

Rai huffed as he tried and failed again to execute the spell Mithos had taught him. He glared at the rat scurrying in its cage.

"Try again, Rai," the cold voice said - not threatening, but Rai gulped just the same.

"Yes, Mithos."

He focused all his energy, let his mana extend into the rat, and this time -

The animal squealed, loudly, its limbs suddenly jerking at unnatural angles as it stopped in its tracks, and then fell over, unmoving.

He should feel happy that he'd finally managed it, but there was a scared, constricting feeling in Rai's chest. He bit his lip, unable to look away from the suddenly motionless animal.

"Don't worry," Mithos's voice came again. The man stepped forward until he was next to Rai, and Rai unwillingly met his gaze. "It's just a rat. Not a half-elf like you or me. Its living or dying means nothing."

When Rai finally awoke again, it was hard to know what time of day it was. Though his mana was still depleted, he now had his sister's, warm and comforting, and something about it made him feel safer, even as he remembered the dream he had just been having.

Mithos was such an asshole, Akira said in his mind, and Rai nearly laughed. It was such an Akira thing to say.

True, he shot back, not bothering to hide his amusement. Something way worse is coming, isn't it?

Akira didn't respond this time, but Rai already knew the answer. He glanced around the room and realized that Raine was in the next bed, fast asleep, her pale hair splayed in all directions. She must be exhausted from the mana expenditure earlier. He felt a stab of guilt. Probably unwisely, he tried to get up out of bed, then realized that despite the new golden mana in his veins, his legs were still made out of jelly. He collapsed on his knees near Raine and she stirred, eyes opening. For a moment she just looked at him through heavy lids, and then she sat up suddenly.

"Rai! What are you doing out of bed? You need to rest!"

Grudgingly, he let her help her back into bed. "I feel so useless."

"And that's how you'll need to feel for a bit," Raine said firmly. "Maybe it'll help you remember to be a little more careful with your own life next time."

He shut his eyes, no good response ready. Already, the tiredness was creeping back up on him. Maybe I wasn't as recovered as I thought…

Unwillingly, he drifted back into slumber.

Rai felt sick, but he forced himself to stay standing, to take in what was happening.

"Well?" Mithos's voice came. It was calm, but displeased, and it made his heart beat so fast he was dizzy. On the floor between them, head bowed and hands in chains, was Sofia.

"I - I didn't mean it," Rai managed finally. "I was just exploring."

"You were told explicitly not to venture into that part of the city," Mithos pointed out, words still cool and measured, but Rai could hardly breathe. "And now I find out you've been meeting with this human - not once, but repeatedly. What lies has she been feeding you?"

"Nothing!" Rai burst out, then forced himself to moderate his tone. "Nothing. I just - I was curious - "

"You're right, Rai," Mithos said. His voice was now amused, but this only made chills spread throughout Rai's body, and he clenched his fists to keep them from trembling. "You did nothing wrong. It was her - who tempted you into going back, who fed you lies about how humans and half-elves can all get along in harmony. What do you have to say for yourself, prisoner?"

Rai watched, horrified, as Sofia lifted her head. "I only told the truth," she said. Her voice was soft, but clear. Mithos's eyes flashed with anger for the first time.

"Still lying," he said, voice cracking like a whip. "And so you shall be punished. Rai, I will have you do the honors."

No. No no no…

"No, please - " he started to say, but when Mithos's disappointed and angry glance fell on him, the words died in his throat. He had no ability to defy Mithos - and who was to say that Rai wouldn't be the one killed instead, if he refused to kill Sofia? Even if he didn't do it, surely Mithos would kill her himself…

He looked at Sofia again, and there was understanding, acceptance in her eyes. She nodded, almost imperceptibly. He felt like screaming, like crying.

"Use that spell we practiced," Mithos said, his tone still that cold, terrible amusement. "She is nothing more than that rat from earlier. Go on. I know you can do it, my talented boy."

Even as a part of himself screamed, sobbed, and fractured within, another part of Rai hardened, moved. Mustered up the mana, almost in a trance. The way he had practiced so many times before. And let it loose, straight towards the woman.

He didn't let himself close his eyes or avert his gaze, knowing Mithos was watching. Sofia gasped, then made a terrible noise that made Rai's hair stand on end, her body convulsing horribly. But faster than he would have thought, it was all over. She lay still on the ground, those warm brown eyes just staring - lifeless. Just like the rat.

Mithos laughed - cold, and high. "Well done, my boy. You are truly worthy to be my successor. Although, I was only bluffing. I didn't expect you to actually kill her. I just wanted to teach you a lesson, so you wouldn't go visit her again."

It was too much, too cruel. But he couldn't let his reaction out. He shoved himself, the child screaming, crying, forcibly into a little box in his mind, leaving only the coolness, the mask in control, even as every piece of his mind felt like it was splintering, his mana rushing through him.

He bowed his head.

Rai awoke again, shaking. He was starting to hate waking up over and over in this same room, this same bed. He forced himself to breathe against the feeling of lead all through his chest and shut his eyes for a moment, steadying himself. In his head, that familiar voice was sobbing. Why did you have to do it? Why did you have to kill her?

He felt again that sickness, the roiling in his stomach. I'm sorry, he responded, almost desperately. I'm sorry. You were right, in a way. I shouldn't have pushed you away. No matter how logical it was…maybe we shouldn't have done it. You - we - knew it was wrong, after all.

Even as he said it, he found himself second-guessing - had there been another choice? When Mithos had ordered it that way…

The voice continued crying, and Rai simply accepted it, internalized it, letting the guilt and defiance roll through him, letting himself feel both sides of the conflict. Ugh. No wonder I tried to forget this. It's so horribly tragic, isn't it?

Yeah. Akira finally spoke back up, sounding subdued. It's funny, I think - I think that was the moment Mithos was really impressed by you, where he thought he could really groom you into someone special, who could match him. But it was also the moment you broke.

…Yeah. Fuck. Rai took deep breaths, managing to sit up in bed, and held his head in his hands. I need to think about this. What does it mean that this happened?

Don't start blaming yourself for it, Akira warned. Seriously. I mean, that way lies…nothing good. But…if you want to think about how this affected you, and how it leads to things you feel and do now…then yeah, I think you should think about it.

And what is it that it tells me about myself? Rai shot back bitterly. That I'm fundamentally twisted - someone who could kill someone who had shown me nothing but kindness, in cold blood, just because someone ordered me to?

You were a child, Akira argued. And Mithos had power over you. You knew he could kill you just as easily. What choice did you have?

I had the choice not to do it anyway, Rai snapped. Like W - like that other part of myself wanted. Whether it cost me my life or not. To not become that type of person.

But seriously, what type of person? Akira pressed, equally angry. Look, think of this as if it happened to someone else. Like Lloyd, or Genis. Would you blame a child for following the order in that situation, especially if they felt cornered? Felt forced? Or would you blame the adult who was forcing them to do it?

Logically, Rai understood Akira's argument. The right answer was obviously to blame the adult. But…

Akira sighed in his mind. Look. It'll take time to process it. But stop blaming yourself, okay? Every time you do, I'll be here to argue, so if you don't want to hear that, keep it in mind.

Fine. But…I feel like there was no right choice here. When I did what I did, I did a horrible thing, and had to break myself apart because of it. But if I'd gone with what W wanted - if I'd just refused…maybe I'd just be dead, now. How could that have been the right choice?

What makes you think there was a right choice? Akira shot back wearily. In some situations, you can't win, and the one Mithos set up here was one of those. So instead of agonizing over it…maybe you just accept that. In every situation, all you can do is your best, after all - and when looking at decisions in the past, by definition, whatever you did was the best you could at the time.

Rai was silent for a moment, processing this. Wow, he said finally. I didn't know I had such a sage living in my head.

Shut up, you brat, Akira growled. Rai smiled, and for once, had a sentimental thought - Akira, who had remained damaged, unable to heal in his own life, was now able to help his future self with how to do what he couldn't.

Chapter Text

Genis sat up on his sleeping-mat, staring at Colette by the light of the campfire. As soon as they'd exited Balacruf after completing the seal, she'd fallen ill again. Now, she lay there motionless, with no indication she was awake, but her mana told a different story: roiling, active. Maybe she was just anxious and having trouble falling asleep. But...

He couldn't help but think of how this was the second time now that she'd collapsed after a seal. Unbidden, his mind returned again to the questions Rai had casually raised. If this process was right, good - heavenly, even - then why did it feel so...wrong?

On the mat to his other side, there was a shuffling noise. He turned to face Lloyd, who was now sitting up as well, hair mussed but no hint of sleep in his eyes either. "You, too?" his friend whispered, and Genis nodded, then got up from the mat without further preamble, walking softly away from the camp. He could hear that after a pause, Lloyd followed.

"You're worried about Colette too, huh?" Lloyd murmured after a moment, as they walked slowly together until they reached the nearby lake. Genis sat down on a large log and Lloyd took a place beside him, bracing his hands on the wood and leaning back to stare over the moonlit water.

"Of course," Genis said, belatedly. "I mean...I know it's part of the process. Everything she's going through now, though...it just makes me think. Rai's right - what do we really know about the Regeneration, anyway?"

Lloyd's gloved fingers scraped the wood of the log. "Yeah," he said tightly. "I just...hate all this. Barely knowing what's going on...how much evil there is in the world, and we're just waiting for Colette to...to take it on herself...to get sicker and sicker, and change her own body more, if these first two seals have shown us anything."

"Exactly." Genis shook his head. "It's obvious there's more to it than we know. And...you must know this even better than I do, Lloyd - that Colette knows more than we know. But she won't tell us. Whether it's to protect us, or..." He stopped, uncertain of the alternative.

"But how does Rai know?" Lloyd burst suddenly. He turned to look at Genis, shaking his head. "Genis, I just - " He seemed to struggle with himself. "Fighting, taking action - it's something I know how to do. But dealing with all this, not knowing what's even going on..." His gaze looked almost desperate. "I don't get why he doesn't tell us."

"You know I've tried to get him to open up before," Genis sighed. "Lloyd, I think at this point, if anyone has a chance of getting him to tell the truth...it's you."

Colette heard her coming before she saw her - soft footfalls she never would have heard before, but now stood out, a pitter-patter that had purpose, coming closer and closer to their group. She made herself keep walking without reacting, even as she automatically scanned the forest. A moment later, a purple-clad figure emerged, dashing straight for them, and Colette relaxed. It was Sheena!

She stopped, raising a hand to wave cheerfully. "Sheena!" Her voice trailed off before she could continue as she realized that the girl wasn't reacting, just racing straight for Colette, a steely glint in her eyes, her cards held deftly in her hands. Wait…

Even before the cold realization had hit her, Lloyd was already there, blurring in front of her faster than she'd realized he could move, parrying Sheena's blow and sending her tumbling backwards, where she rolled to her feet several feet away, scowling. Colette swallowed painfully.

"What are you doing?!" Lloyd snapped, mirroring her own thoughts.

Sheena didn't even respond, racing forward again, but this time Kratos was the one to intercept, sending her skidding backwards effortlessly and forcing her to brace her palms on the ground, vaulting herself instantly back to her feet. Lloyd made a frustrated, angry noise as he dashed forward himself, this time launching his own attack, and for a few frantic moments Sheena was on the back foot, managing to dodge as Lloyd and Kratos fought synergistically and Genis fired off spells. Colette couldn't bring herself to join them.

The battle, furious as it was, ended faster than Colette could even finish processing the moment, Sheena panting and dusty, leaping backwards to put distance between herself and the two furious swordsmen. It was then that Colette spoke.

"Sheena," she said. Her voice was soft, but she saw that the other girl had heard, glancing up, her dark eyes unreadable. "What's wrong? How can I help?"

Pure shock showed in the mysterious girl's eyes, then anger. "What are you talking about?" she snapped. "I'm - I'm trying to kill you, don't you get it? Why are you - you should hate me!"

If you think death scares me at this point…She shoved away the uncharacteristic thought, letting herself smile gently, wistfully instead. "I know you're kind, Sheena. I saw it when you helped us at the ranch. You put your own self in danger to save the prisoners. So…really…what can we do to help? I'm sure we can all figure this out together!"

"I - what - " Sheena straightened, her cards held limply at her sides. "No, we can't. Whether we want to or not. The Regeneration isn't good for everyone, you know!"

Colette felt like all the air had been sucked out of her and forced herself to take in a long breath. "What do you mean?" Her voice was too calm, too cheerful, but she couldn't help it - that was just her default when she had nothing else to give.

Sheena's eyes were shadowed now, like she'd already said too much. "Never mind. But I will try again. Prepare yourself! And stop thinking of me as a friend!" Before anyone could say anything else, she'd fled, melting into the forest as quickly as she'd arrived. Lloyd and Kratos lowered their swords, staring after her.

Chapter Text

Luin was even more stunning than Rai remembered from the game - all sparkling waterways, lush foliage, and intricately built homes. But unlike in Asgard, which hadn't had a nearby human ranch, the beauty was tempered by a suffocating, pervasive, fear. When he walked up to a stall to peruse the wares, he could see the exact moment the merchant realized his race - the widening of his eyes, the sudden trembling of his hands where he had been polishing a small dagger.

"At ease," Rai said, making sure his hands were visible. "I'm no Desian."

The shopkeeper bowed his head. "M-my apologies, sir. Please, I - let me know if anything catches your fancy."

He let his eyes run over the items on display - an array of daggers, odds and ends...and a ring that, for whatever reason, was emanating mana.

Without asking, he picked it up, studying it more closely. Physically, it was small, silver, and unassuming - but the emerald gem inside held power. As suspected - it seemed it worked similarly to his gauntlet, enabling mana to be stored inside, and drawn upon at will.

"Ah, that caught your attention?" The shopkeeper was watching him now, his hands braced at the edge of his stall. "Please - take it. Just an odd relic I found. To you, it's free."

"Is it magical?" Rai asked bluntly. The man's eyes widened again.

"W-well. I'm not - I'm not sure. One of them left it behind, and - " He cut himself off, as though afraid he'd said too much.

"One of the Desians?" Rai pressed. There was something familiar about the mana inside, a remnant of the previous owner.

The merchant shuddered and his eyes darted around the courtyard as though expecting a Desian to pop out of the bushes. "M-my apologies, my Lord. Yes - I admit one of them dropped it, and I - I should not have, but I picked it up - "

"There is no need to apologize," Rai said swiftly, trying to make his voice gentle, encouraging, despite his impatience. "What did he look like?"

"I - I don't know, Lord - please - "

"No need to call me that," Rai said, a little sharply. "I will pay for this in full. Name your price, sir."

"No, I - truly, I'd rather not sell it," the merchant insisted. "I never should have picked it up at all, and I've -" His eyes darted around again. "I've lived in fear that he will return - what he'd do to me if he knew I sold his possession. This way, I never had it. It's only fitting it go to you - " He stopped, but Rai understood - because he was a half-elf, just like the Desian.

He let out a breath. "I do see your point," he said softly, smoothly. "But don't worry. I know the owner. He's not the wrathful type. And I'll just tell him I found it, not that I got it from you. With all that said - can I just pay for it? As...a thank you, for holding on to it, and keeping it safe. This isn't a trap - if I bore ill will towards you, I could simply strike you down where you stand, could I not?"

The man's expression had changed, still fearful, but calmer now, and perhaps a hint of respect. "I - I - yes. I'm sorry for all the trouble. 50 gald would be more than enough."

Only 50? Rai thought, but it was probably best to just take the offer. At least he wasn't going around scaring them into giving away magical artifacts for free. He inclined his head, placed the gald on the table, and strode away, still inspecting the ring.

Pausing a few paces away, he slipped it on. As expected, it adjusted to his finger, fitting perfectly. And the mana inside...

It wasn't someone he knew. At least, he didn't think so. But was there a hint in there of Alai's cool, intoxicating power?

He glanced up, scanning the street. Where had the others gone, anyway? Ah - there they were, Lloyd kneeling and talking to a young boy, the other party members close by. He rolled his eyes, starting towards them. Soft-hearted as always.

As he approached, he caught the boy saying, "So can you train me? Please, please!"

"You'll have plenty of time to learn if that's still what you want to do," Lloyd told him gently. "Why not join your friends for now?" Rai realized there was a gaggle of other children nearby, laughing and splashing in the fountain.

"I don't have time," the boy insisted. "Father's gone. If the Desians come back, who will protect Mother?"

There was a short pause. Rai couldn't see Lloyd's face, but after a moment he clapped his hands on the boy's shoulders. "Okay. I'm only here today, so how about I teach you some things?" His voice was still strong, but there was a slight roughness, and Rai knew the boy's words had affected him.

"Yay! Thank you!" The child's face lit up, and something twisted in Rai's gut despite himself. A day of training from Lloyd wasn't going to give this kid the ability to fight off Desians. Even humoring him was cruel in its own way.

He looked at the rest of the party and saw similar emotions reflected in their faces. The only one to look back at him was Aalissi, her violet eyes sad, but with a glint of something steely. He nodded to her. I know. This is part of what we're fighting against.

Not interested in listening to more, Rai walked away, leaving the child to Lloyd.

He had more important things to figure out.

Colette sighed.

How had it come to this?

She glanced over at Rai, who was surveying some magical objects displayed at a nearby stall thoughtfully and disregarding her completely. Why had Lloyd thought this would be a good idea? She remembered how he'd pulled her aside before leaving to go train with the child, and somehow convinced her that exploring the city with Rai of all people might be good.

“So…” she started tentatively. “Um, what do you think we should be looking for?”

He gave her a cool look. “Raine and Kratos will handle information-gathering about the route forward. When it comes to you, I think we just need to lay low and avoid too much attention. I know that might be difficult.”

She felt a wave of shame and depression wash over her. She knew she was too conspicuous: even when trying to act the part of the prim and proper Chosen, her natural clumsiness shone through. She said nothing.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, and Colette wondered if he said mean things on purpose or whether he was just oblivious to the effect his words had on other people.

“I…I just,” she started. “No - nothing.”

Rai let out a breath and stepped closer to her. “… I’m sorry.”

“W-what?”

“I forgot I can’t be sarcastic around you. And - maybe that was a bit rude. I’m sorry, okay?”

She glanced up tentatively, but there was nothing but honesty in his eyes, no trace of that cold, contemptuous stare she often saw.

“Oh - okay. It’s, um, no problem.”

He put a hand on her shoulder, startling her, and guided her through the crowded streets until they were at a secluded bench, divided from the street by an overgrown patch of shrubbery and shaded by the branches of the tree that grew behind it. If Rai hadn’t brought her here, Colette wouldn’t have noticed it at all.

“Here,” he said, pushing her down onto the bench and dropping down next to her, leaning back and gazing up at the leaves above with an air of satisfaction. “Now you can be as clumsy or conspicuous as you want. Nobody’s going to notice.”

Colette couldn’t help it; she giggled. “You just wanted to be alone, didn’t you? You hated that crowd.”

“You got me,” he admitted, with a hint of good humor in his voice, and she was struck suddenly by how much he’d changed. The Rai back in Iselia would never have joked around like this.

That reminded her that the change seemed to be somehow because of Lloyd, and that brought her feelings down again. But - no, it was stupid to be bitter about something so petty. It wasn’t like her at all.

“You’ve changed a lot,” she observed, and felt like hitting herself. She sounded way too accusatory. Thankfully, he didn’t seem offended.

“You’re right,” he said, still staring heavy-lidded at the sky through the gaps in the leaves above. “A lot’s happened, you know. I guess I was holding back a lot more before. Putting on more of an act.”

It shocked her, how candid he was being. “What…what made you stop?” she ventured.

He sighed, drew himself up and propped one arm on the back of the bench, looking at her. “I’m not really sure. Maybe that incident when a certain girl cried all over me?” he suggested teasingly, and Colette blushed involuntarily.

“I’m sorry about that - “

“Have you thought about it more since then?” he continued, talking over her apology. “About the burden of the Chosen.”

“I - just don’t have a choice,” Colette whispered. “It’s the only way to save the world - "

“How do you know that?” he said sharply, and she flinched back at the suddenly forceful words. He lowered his voice and continued, still angry, “Why are you so sure that your particular death is necessary for the world? Just because some history books told you so? Just because some pompous angel is perpetuating it?"

Even as he finished saying it, she saw something change in his eyes as he looked at her, the fury lessening. "You don't have to answer that," he said, quieter now. Again, she could detect no trace of a lie in his words. "Really. I'm - I can't possibly understand what it's like to be you. So just…think about it, okay? That's all I ask. And…understand that things may not go the way you expect."

There was silence for a moment. Colette sighed and leaned back on her palms, letting out a half-hearted chuckle. "Thank you, Rai," she murmured. "For caring."

After Colette had left, Rai put his head in his hands. He stayed like that, motionless, for probably longer than was strictly advisable. Finally, Akira broke the silence.

You really care about all of them now. Well, to some extent. But once we get to the Tower…

Yeah. Rai lay down on the bench, pillowing his head on his arms, and stared up at the sky - powder-blue, as though mocking the cruelty of the world below it. His new mana sensitivity was distracting, the energy flooding through the greenery, and more distantly, the humans, calling out to him in a thrum of power, but he ignored it. I can tip Lloyd off, try to keep Colette from losing her soul. But Mithos will intervene - and he'll realize I'm alive. And...I can't think of any option that doesn't include me going with him, at least at first. If I overtly align myself against him off the bat, there's no telling what'll happen.

Right. Akira sounded grim. So, what - instead of Kratos betraying the group, it'll be both of you?

It seems that way. Rai closed his eyes, feeling the breeze on his face. Luin really was peaceful. It made the sick knowledge that it would likely be destroyed by the Desians feel worse.

Should we be trying to prevent that? Akira mused.

I don't know. It's hard to know when exactly it'll happen. And...despite our agreement earlier to destroy the ranches...will the group feel an urgency to infiltrate Kvar's ranch without that? And what about Sheena? Not having a summoner join us could mean the end of trying to save the world.

...Yeah. Akira was silent for a while. Well. Guess it's too bad, so sad for that kid, isn't it?

Stop, Akira, Rai thought back sharply, finding himself angry with his past self for once. Just...stop.

Akira didn't respond, and Rai cast his thoughts back towards the Tower, and what lay beyond. We'll have to figure out where we want to steer things, he thought finally. Obviously, we still want to reunite the worlds and allow for a new World Tree. So we'll have to make sure everything that needs to happen for that, still does. I'll have to talk with Yuan more - come up with a safe plan to germinate the seed and reunite the worlds - maybe figure out how to best help Lloyd get to the point where he can wield the Eternal Sword. But…what about after all of that?

What do you mean? Akira asked flippantly. That'll be the end, won't it? You won the game. Happy ever after.

But it's not, though, Rai argued. Don't you remember what you learned about the…the game world? Eventually…it happens again. The humans and half-elves war…they push magitechnology to ever greater heights…and in the far future, they drive the Great Tree to death again. Shouldn't we figure out a world order that prevents that?

Akira was quiet again, and for a while they both were, Rai just letting himself feel the breeze, listen to the rustling of the leaves and the distant chatter of the townsfolk. Finally, his other self mused, Shit. I guess you have a point there, brat. But that's…that's big. I mean, we might be smart and magically powerful, but we're still a single half-elf. How do we pull of something like that?

That's the thing. Rai smirked, opening his eyes again and lifting his right hand above him, opening and closing it, watching how his new ring caught the light. We're not alone. We already have ties to the Renegades, for one. And Alai and Yuan have made some implications about third party half-elven factions. I was reading that book I got from the Palmacosta ranch, about elven lineages. There was some…interesting stuff in there, about the Sylvari. But it also implied something else - a faction of half-elves that, drawing from elven tradition, wanted to take a balanced approach to magical technology - one that didn't avoid its use at all, but was sustainable, didn't draw more from the land than what it could provide. I have a feeling if we talked to some of those people…we might have something in common.

You might be on to something there, Akira admitted. But still - how would we change that into new governance for the world? A way to make sure nobody repeats history, even our enemies?

We need the help of our allies to figure it out, Rai insisted. Yuan, Kratos…even Mithos, if he could be convinced, though he may be too far gone…they've lived for four thousand years. Their experience and knowledge about world factions, governments…it's far beyond what I could dream of. Even others, like Regal or Zelos…Alai…each have their own political experience and sway. What I need is a coalition of powerful, intelligent people who all buy into the importance of this goal. Figuring out how to do it? It'll work itself out from there.

But who leads all this? You?

If I have to, Rai said, after a pause. But we need more knowledge first. Allies. Ideas. Time. By the time we reunite the worlds, though, there needs to be a plan. Because that power vacuum in the confusion after reunification - that'll be the real opportunity.

You know, Akira said finally, people might disagree with you. This could mean you have to use force at times - force new priorities on those who don’t want it - for the greater good of the world. Is that okay?

Rai closed his eyes and again and smiled grimly.

Do you even have to ask?

Chapter Text

Rai stared up at the waterfall, his ears pounding from the sheer noise. He hadn't realized from his memories of the game that Thoda would be like…this. There was definitely a hot spring, but there was also a nearby river, hence this large waterfall - which he supposed made sense, as many geysers pulled from other water sources.

He turned his head back in the direction of the geyser and watched as the group made their way cautiously along the thin path to the door they'd finally figured out how to open, single-file. Hopefully nobody would fall into the geyser. He'd asked to stay behind so he could have a while to think, and surprisingly, they'd seemed relatively okay with it. Maybe they still trusted him to a degree.

Yeah, it's pretty naïve of them - you've been super sketchy, Akira said. Rai rolled his eyes.

Is it naïve, or do they just not want to assume the worst? I haven't done anything overt against them, after all. It's not as though they know I was the Desian at Palmacosta.

Yeah. Wait… what's that in the waterfall?

He paused and scanned the lines of water again closely, then took a few steps forward, nearly leaning over the edge. What in the world…

There seemed to be a man in the water, seated on the flat surface of a rock directly under the waterfall, cross-legged with his eyes closed, the force of the water drenching him.

He's crazy, Akira said flatly. Rai was inclined to agree.  But he was also strangely curious. What on earth would drive someone to do something like this? Was it some sort of training? And how had he gotten down there anyway?

Some additional searching revealed that there were indeed stone steps built into the side of the ravine, leading down to the base of the waterfall. Against his better judgement, Rai started down them.

I'm scared to even ask this, but what the hell are you doing, Rai?

He ignored his past self. He was a strong swimmer, after all, and could cast a mana shield around himself to protect from any injuries from rocks if he did get swept into the current. What was the worst that could happen?

Once he finally got to the bottom, standing on the bank of the river just adjoining the waterfall, he had a better view of the man. He wore loose robes - nothing even remotely appropriate for swimming - and was simply seated, still. He seemed human - rounded ears, mana signature clean. Rai realized even if he tried to ask why the man was there, he'd be unlikely to hear over the din.

Surprisingly, the man seemed to notice him anyway - blinking his eyes open and leaning back slightly out of the water to glance over. Then he beckoned Rai with his hand.

Ugh. Did he really want to get completely drenched?

You're the one who came down here, idiot, Akira pointed out.

Okay, fine. We're doing this. He took a moment to remove the magical ring he'd recently obtained in Asgard, just in case, and tucked it away into a secure pocket in his satchel. Then he braced himself and waded into the water behind the waterfall. There was no way to do this gracefully. Finally, he made it over to the man and leaned his elbows on the rock next to him, raising an eyebrow at the guy as though to say, Now what?

The man smiled at him, then leaned in close and spoke loudly - too loudly, really, given Rai's enhanced hearing, but with the already-deafening waterfall, he didn't even flinch. "I can tell that you are conflicted, young man. If you're here to think, you should give meditation a try. Just sit under the waterfall and…be. Let yourself feel everything around you. You might be surprised by what you find."

Hey, hey, careful, Akira warned. Remember what happened the last time you…'felt' everything around you? I don't want a repeat.

It's okay. This time I'm expecting the possibility. I won't let go of myself. And, hey - I have you to pull me back, don't I?

He pulled himself up onto the rock next to the man, nearly slipping off for a heart-stopping moment as the icy-cold water drenched him, momentarily taking his breath away. How the hell was this human even staying seated under these conditions? Finally, after several minutes of very undignified maneuvering, Rai managed to find a spot he could sit far back on the rock while still letting him lean into the waterfall.

What if this guy kills us once we close our eyes, or something? Akira growled.

These slippery rocks aren't exactly the most maneuverable, Rai pointed out. Plus, if I'm sitting here focusing on the mana of everything around me, don't you think I'll notice if he suddenly moves?

Akira's voice subsided, grumbling, and Rai almost smiled fondly before he caught himself.

He forced himself to sit up straight, bracing his hands on the edges of the rock, and let the water crash into the top of his head, cascading down him in an unstoppable torrent. It took some experimenting before he could find a position where he could actually breathe, but eventually managed it, and sat there, still, gasping for air, keeping his eyes closed. He'd thought he'd be focusing a lot on the world's mana while meditating, but in that moment all he could even process was physical - the sheer cold, the feeling of the water on him, the way his clothes stuck to him uncomfortably, the roughness of the rock, and the overwhelming sound.

"That's right, young man!" the human yelled, and Rai nearly slipped off the rock in shock. "Feel it. Don't think, just feel."

He gritted his teeth and reinforced his grip on the slippery stone. He thought he was starting to get an idea of what this was all about, though. With this much physical sensory input vying for his attention, maybe it actually could drown out some of the thought - even the overwhelmingly broad mana awareness that he'd had ever since he equipped the exsphere. Right now, he could barely focus on any mana other than his own and that of the man next to him.

He made himself stay there, refocusing on everything he could feel. He noticed his heart, thrumming in his chest - the water, surprisingly feeling less cold the longer he sat there, its constant assault almost becoming reassuring in its unchanging rhythm - his hands nearly numb where the gripped the rock. And as he got used to those things, he did notice the mana - his own, strangely still within him - the man's, calm and clean as before; and the ambient magic in the air, laced through the water, and pulsing in the sparse greenery on the cliffs. But he couldn't lose himself in it - his body was too acutely present, too separate - bombarding him with the constant physical onslaught.

He wasn't sure how long he remained motionless, as though time itself had stopped as Rai sat, focusing on the physical sensations and letting the mana awareness fade into the background. Suddenly he realized there was a very familiar pool of mana nearby - cool and powerful - and jolted back to reality, opening his eyes. The human was inexplicably gone, and - yes, there on the bank stood the owner of that familiar mana, his gaze fixed on Rai, equal parts amused, and intrigued and…worried?

Rai made himself move, his numb fingers nearly betraying him as he almost slipped off the rock again, and managed to get back into the water behind the waterfall, struggling through the water until he finally reached the bank. When he tried to push off the bank to exit the water, his arms trembled and unexpectedly gave way, making him splash back down and gasp again at the renewed chill at his chest. Shit.

Alai had moved to the bank now, and stood over him, his hand reaching out to Rai. Rai didn't bother to hesitate, and clasped it, letting the other half-elf pull him out of the water. He paused on his knees at the bank, trying to catch his breath, and unexpectedly, Alai knelt on the ground too, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I can't say this was what I expected to find you doing," he said wryly, but there was concern beneath the teasing. "Lord Yuan wanted to speak with you. If…if you're feeling up to it."

Rai laughed breathlessly despite himself, then stopped and breathed in deeply again, lungs burning. "You just have impeccable timing, don't you? Last time it was a dramatic kidnapping, this time you rescue me from a waterfall."

Alai smiled slightly, too. "Hey, I'm at the whims of our Lord just like you are. He does have a rather…busy schedule."

"He does," Rai agreed, and finally managed to get to his feet, waving off Alai's help and watching as the other man stood as well - much more gracefully and seamlessly than Rai had, to his chagrin. "My group will probably be occupied for at least several hours, but I don't know if that gives me enough time to meet Yuan…"

"I'll have one of my subordinates watch the entrance and let us know when they come back out," Alai said easily. "I've got a temporary teleporter set up nearby, so we can go directly to the base, then come back when we need to. I'm more worried about you. Dare I ask why you were sitting in a waterfall?"

"It's…a bit of a long story," Rai admitted wearily. "Did you happen to see a strange human under the waterfall?"

"No," Alai said carefully, "but I'd only just arrived - you sensed me immediately, as always." There was something pointed about that last part.

"Of course," Rai said, and grinned suddenly. "How could I miss your arrival, Alai? More specifically, that mana of yours."

Alai shook his head with air of defeat, holding up his hands. "Alas. I use an experimental enhancer with a guy once, and lose my element of surprise forever."

"Does that mean it was a one-time thing?" Rai mused back, and Alai gave a short laugh.

"Well, well. When you trick people into drinking experimental drugs, most of them don't want a repeat experience."

"I didn't hear a no," Rai teased. He slicked his wet hair back and glanced around the cliff - deserted, but not exactly the most secure place. "Shall we? And, if you don't mind, maybe I can dry off at the base before meeting Yuan."

"Of course," Alai said, his gaze lingering on Rai for a moment before he turned to begin walking. "And maybe we can chat a bit, too. Before you meet Lord Yuan." The wording was casual, but Rai knew it was anything but. Letting his lack of answer hang in the air, he took one last look around the area before striding after Alai.

Where had that human gone?

Rai exited the washroom, drying his hair with a towel. He really could get used to having hot running water. How had he gone so long without this?

Alai was sitting on the sofa in the corner, legs crossed casually as he fiddled on his communicator, but when Rai approached he glanced up. He seemed to take in Rai's state of dress - or undress, really - for a moment before making it up to his face, eyes flitting to the towel wrapped around his waist and then up his chest. He pocketed his communicator and gave his signature grin. "Feeling better?"

"Yes," Rai said simply, holding Alai's gaze for a moment before glancing around the room. "Where are my clothes, anyway?"

Alai leaned back on the chair, resting one arm on the side. "I had Jari take them to get them cleaned and dried. Should be back soon." He smirked again, leaning forward. "He may have made some…assumptions about the situation. Which I didn't correct."

When Rai didn't respond immediately, Alai continued, deliberately, "This being my room, after all." He held Rai's gaze, assessing.

What?

Rai kept his face carefully blank, which he realized too late was an admission in itself, but internally he was reeling. This was the same room he'd woken up in when Alai had first kidnapped him for that meeting with Yuan, and the same room he'd found himself in after Alai had brought him back, exhausted, after the Palmacosta raid. He'd assumed it was a guest room of some kind, not…

He huffed, letting some surprise bleed into his expression. "Well. You got me there. Do you normally interrogate people in your own room?"

"No," Alai admitted immediately. "But with how important you were to Lord Yuan, and what I'd heard about you…I admit I was intrigued. And what's the fun in a dingy old interrogation room?"

"You and I both know there are options in between," Rai pointed out coolly. "An audience chamber, for one."

Alai grinned again, leaning back. "Yes, but you've always been asleep from exhaustion - an audience chamber doesn't have a bed, and I'm nothing if not a gentleman. Wouldn't you agree?"

This fucking asshole.

Rai took a step closer, not missing the slight way Alai's arms tensed, though the grin didn't falter. "If I didn't know better," he said softly, "I'd think you were trying to seduce me."

Alai actually swallowed, and his gaze flicked down again for a moment before he focused back on Rai's face, the smile fading for a moment. Then he ran a hand through his hair, laughing slightly. "Touche. Overlook it just this once?" He held his hands up as though in surrender. "And…put some clothes on before you get any closer. My heart can only handle so much." The words were light. Rai rolled his eyes and withdrew, plopping down on the edge of the bed and running the towel over the wet ends of his hair.

"What was it you wanted to talk about, Alai?" Rai pressed. He suspected this was the real reason they were here, in Alai's room. Alai didn't want any unexpected interruptions. Having a complex political conversation half-naked wasn't really his preference, but he supposed it would have to do.

Alai stood, crossing to the door and locking it. Rai didn't react. "My room has sound-proofing spells woven into its construction," Alai said, as he walked back over, this time sitting on the bed next to Rai. "It's that way for all high-rankers. Too many secrets around here, you know. So - you can speak relatively freely. With that out of the way…" He paused, fixing Rai with an uncharacteristically serious gaze. "What's your game, here? Why are you with the Renegades, and what's your connection to Lord Yuan?"

Rai pulled himself further on the bed, turning to face Alai. "So the mask falls," he mused, and saw a slight flash of irritation on Alai's face before it was suppressed. "They're fair questions. I'm sure you're not the only one wondering. But before I answer…what is it Yuan told you about me, Alai? Something that made you so intrigued that you spirited me away into your own bed?" He said the last teasingly, but it did little to break the tension.

"To never let you come to harm," Alai said bluntly. "That you could well be one of the most important pieces in our plans, but that you needed to be tested. That you were intelligent, calculating, and not to be underestimated. I got the sense Yuan specifically selected me to be your handler because he didn't feel anybody else was up to the job."

Alai's actions were suddenly starting to make more sense. He supposed Yuan had reason to think Rai was dangerous - he thought back to how off-balance the seraph had been when Rai confronted him about his fatherhood near the Ossa Trail. He found himself feeling a little pleased, and tamped down on the reaction. This was no time to be full of himself.

"That makes sense," he said aloud. "You are. Up to the job, I think. I wouldn't have engaged this much with probably anyone else." He saw Alai's brow furrow slightly at his candidness, but the next moment he looked close to pleased before he leaned closer, studying Rai closely.

"So?" Alai breathed. "I've been honest with you. Don't I get a reward?"

"Of course you do," Rai purred, and saw how Alai had to lean back, reassert the distance between them. "Look," he said more seriously, "I'm in a difficult position here. I probably shouldn't reveal much more than Yuan has, himself. Let's just say I have a personal connection to him, something that's hard to sever. As for why I'm with the Renegades - it's a goal alignment. I'm not for what Cruxis is doing - or the current status quo of the worlds." He watched Alai closely, but as expected, there was no surprise at the implication that there was more than one. "But that raises the question - how much do you know about Cruxis's plans, Alai - and why is it you're with the Renegades yourself?"

"Lord Yggdrasill claims to want an Age of Half-Elves," Alai said, his voice low and tight. "On its face, that's already preposterous - subjugation of elves or humans will only lead to ruin. But through my interactions with Lord Yuan, I know it's more than that - and I think you do, too."

"Exactly." Rai leaned forward. "Perhaps you know, then what a truly successful Regeneration would mean for the world?"

"The end," Alai confirmed. "The loss of any hope that we can establish another Mana Tree."

He really does know, Rai thought, surprised by his own relief. The feeling of being able to say this to someone else after thinking about these topics so long with only Akira for conversation was hard to describe.

"Right," he said aloud, and some of that, the feeling of being understood, bled into his voice. "Which is why we must prevent the Regeneration - but also why just re-uniting the worlds wouldn’t be enough - "

"Because then we'd run out of mana," Alai said grimly. "Lord Yuan has been trying to research how to germinate the seed. But it's not an easy problem."

There was a pause, heavy and light with shared understanding, both staring at each other. Then Rai said, "I was reading about the Sylvari. Tell me, Alai - has your family figured something out about sustainable mana use?"

There was a moment of shock on the other half-elf's face, but he rallied quickly. "That's their entire project, yes," he said. "Culturally, they draw more from the elves - the idea of respecting mana, respecting the world." His voice carried a level of earnest emotion that Rai had never heard in it. "In a way that most half-elves would never dream of, with their wanton experimentation and overuse. But unlike the elves, we don't believe we should shackle ourselves away from progress - using magic only for menial tasks. We just have to have the proper awareness - to never develop a technology that goes too far, that saps more mana than it repletes." Rai realized that he'd gotten Alai on a topic that he had a lot to say about.

He just grinned, staring at Alai, and the other half-elf paused in his diatribe. "…What?"

"That's amazing," Rai said simply, not even trying to be political now. "Alai, this is exactly what we need. What the world needs. You have no idea how happy I am to know your faction exists."

Alai stared back, then smiled - for once real, unguarded - and Rai had to remind himself to start breathing again. He hadn't expected that genuine expression. Then it melted away slightly, as Alai said, "But like I said - actually germinating the seed, fixing the worlds - that's a hard problem."

Rai shook his head. "It may be hard," he said, "but I'm confident we can do it. Yggdrasill himself is only a half-elf, after all - not something divine like he pretends. The same way he got hold of the power to split the worlds, we can merge them again. Trust me - I know more than even Yuan does. No, the real question is - what do we do after we merge the worlds and germinate a new World Tree? What do we do to keep all of the idiots in the world from killing it again?"

Alai was looking at him with something close to wonder. "How can you be so sure?" he whispered, and Rai had the sudden odd desire to reach out, to comfort him. He pushed it away. "Not even Lord Yuan is that confident. And you're too - too rational, too calculating - to just say that - "

"Because I know things he doesn't," Rai admitted, not sugarcoating it. "I can't admit all of how I know. But - the Chosen's group could be instrumental here. Think of it, Alai - to oppose Mithos, we need a hero. Someone who can fight against him, can find and wield the power 'Mithos the Hero' once wielded. To remake the world. And neither you nor I are that hero."

Something was dawning in Alai's expression. "That boy, then? The one with the too-strong exsphere. You think finding out the true nature of the world might spur him to fight against it?"

"Maybe," Rai said. They'd already covered a lot of ground. "That part is a gamble, of course - though I have reason to think it's a pretty good one. But whether it's him or someone else - we can work with Lord Yuan to ensure the right steps happen - working with the summon spirits of the world, reversing the damage that was done when it was split. But, Alai, that's where you and your family come in - even if we manage to combine the world, even if we have a new Mana Tree - without careful planning, the factions in the world will develop magitechnology and kill the tree. That's why your philosophy is so important."

Alai stared at him for a long moment, then leaned back, letting out a breath. "Damn," he said. "This is a lot to take in. I'm not saying I completely buy it, mind you - but…you're damn convincing."

"You don't have to believe it on faith," Rai pointed out. "There's a lot you already know. I think we agree that we need to oppose Cruxis, stop the Regeneration, and work towards a new Mana Tree and restoration of the worlds. That's Yuan's goal, too, and he has plenty of planning and knowledge in place to help us do it. About what comes after…" He paused. "Think about it. But having someone like you help plan it…well, it just makes us that much likelier to succeed."

"Fair enough," Alai said. He shook his head. "Obviously, Yuan's warning that I shouldn't underestimate you was a massive understatement."

Rai laughed a bit at that. "Hey, careful. Too much flattery and I'll start getting ideas."

There was a knock on the door, and Alai stood from the bed, opening it to reveal a familiar-looking half-elf, his blue hair slicked back neatly. Jari, the same one who had brought a drink platter during Rai's last meeting with Yuan. "The vestments you asked for, sir," he said smoothly.

"Thanks, Jari." Alai took the neatly folded stack and closed the door again, then handed them to Rai. "Well - it's time you put on some clothes, as enjoyable as you are without them. We need to talk with Yuan."

This time, it felt less intimidating entering Yuan's office, though the anteroom and magical scan were still unorthodox. Alai entered directly after him, and Yuan turned to look at them both. Unlike the last time they'd met, Yuan was in his full battle armor, seated at the round table. He looked exhausted as always.

"Rai," Yuan greeted him. "Alai, thank you for bringing him."

"I'd like Alai to stay, if that's all right," Rai said, cutting off the last word, Father, that automatically tried to append itself to his sentence. "We were…having a bit of a discussion about the organization's plans."

Yuan leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. "Certainly. At least for a while. There are a few things I want to say directly to you, as well…Rai." He got the distinct sensation that Yuan, also, had been about to acknowledge their relationship, before censoring himself due to Alai's presence.

A few moments later, they were all seated around the table. "How have you been?" Rai asked, breaking the silence.

Yuan sighed. "Overloaded as always, of course. Alai's been a huge help managing things here, along with Botta." He gave a nod to Alai. "Now what's this about you two discussing plans?"

Rai looked to Alai, who inclined his head to Yuan. "About preventing the Regeneration, Lord Yuan," Alai said. "And about the ultimate reunification of the worlds, and germinating the Great Seed."

Yuan didn't hide his look of surprise at that. "I…see. Rai, I didn't know you knew quite so much."

"I did grow up in Cruxis, after all," Rai said casually, and saw Alai's body freeze where he had been about to take a sip of his water. "Things about the nature of the world, or what Lord Yggdrasill was planning…don't you think I'd have some sense?" He felt Alai's stare and pointedly kept his gaze on Yuan.

For his part, Yuan did glance at Alai, then back at Rai. "Ah. You're being surprisingly open in front of him. Perhaps you two have bonded?" The words were light, but with an underlying sharpness.

Rai shrugged. "If you've trusted him with this much information, I think he can handle this. More importantly, Lord Yuan - do you already have a plan for the worlds and the Great Seed? Or is the primary focus now to prevent the Regeneration?"

"Preventing the Regeneration takes obvious precedence at the moment," Yuan said, with perhaps a hint of defensiveness. "If this current Chosen ends up being as close of a match as she seems, and Martel is successfully revived, it will be a disaster. The Great Seed will die, and this world will be all but lost."

He was watching Rai's reaction closely, as if uncertain if this was new information, but Rai only smiled placidly. "Yes," he said. "But once we manage to avert the Regeneration, where do we go from there?"

"Are you so confident we can prevent it?" Yuan shot back. "I wonder if we should simply assassinate the Chosen now. There's already an assassin from Tethe'alla, I believe - but she seems to be making a bit of a mess of things."

"That's certainly a thought," Rai mused. He didn't want Colette assassinated; it would cause huge deviations from the game and Lloyd might lose all will to go on. But he needed strategic reasons why it was a bad idea. "Kratos is protecting her, for one. But also, killing her could bolster the support of the population for the Church and thereby Cruxis. It could also prompt Yggdrasill to move more openly against us - it seems he's mostly thought of the Renegades as an unimportant distraction, but if we kill the closest chance for a successful resurrection in years, that view may change. If the Chosen and her group could be turned against Cruxis by revealing truths about the Regeneration at the right moment, they might be more valuable alive than dead, don't you agree?"

"Sound reasoning," Yuan admitted, "but you run a great risk - of the Regeneration succeeding."

"That's why it's a good thing I'm in the Chosen's party, isn't it?" Rai pointed out. "I can nudge them into realization at the Tower of Salvation - and if it doesn't work, I can kill Colette myself. And I'm sure you were already planning on having some of your best operatives hidden nearby with the same idea, were you not?"

Yuan smiled, folding his hands in front of him on the table. "I was, yes." He glanced over at Alai, whose expression was now unreadable. "I do apologize, Alai, for saddling you with this troublesome operative. You've done an admirable job managing thus far. I don't know that I myself could have done the same."

Alai managed a grin, though it didn't quite have his usual easy quality. "You're not wrong, Lord Yuan. But I'm happy to do it."

"Stop talking about me like I'm not here," Rai said, jokingly. "I'm on your side, aren't I?"

"It does seem that way," Yuan said, amused. "Well, Rai. You have a plan for the Regeneration. Do you want to tell me your plan for beyond?"

Rai leaned forward. This was his chance. "The actual logistics will depend on what happens at the Tower," he admitted. "Navigating that will be a challenge in…more ways than one." He knew Yuan caught his meaning - Mithos would recognize Rai, and realize he was alive. "But ultimately, we need someone who can form pacts with all the summon spirits. Much like one 'Mithos the Hero' and his companions once did." He wasn't sure how much Alai knew about the current leaders of Cruxis being those same ancient beings. "However, unlike back then, the worlds are split now, with opposing summon spirits, and those connections forming a cage around the Great Seed."

He could see Yuan's surprise in the lines of his face, in the tightening of his fingers on his glass, but he only said, "Go on."

"You probably already had severing those connections in mind," Rai continued. "But if we do so without reuniting the worlds first, we run the risk of the seed germinating in a twisted form - being unbalanced by too much mana from the spirits of one world."

He could just see the gears turning in Yuan's mind as the seraph frowned, letting go of his glass altogether and folding his arms across his chest again. This was where Rai had the advantage of foreknowledge - he knew Yuan hadn't anticipated this in the game, and that was why the Great Seed had gone berserk, and they'd had to hijack Rodyle's mana cannon to stop it. But Kratos had known, meaning it wasn't impossible to put the pieces together in advance.

"You may be right," Yuan said, after a long pause. "But how do you suggest we mitigate this?"

"I'm not entirely sure," Rai admitted. "We might have to talk to a summoner - someone who knows if it's possible to make the pact without fully awakening the spirit and thus severing the bond. That way, the pacts could be made, but the Seed kept in its cage, the bonds maintained, until we were able to reunite the worlds. Which, as you already know…will require Origin's sword."

Yuan's gaze flickered to Alai for a moment, then he sighed. "Alai," he said, "I have already shared much with you. But I hope that you understand that by remaining in this conversation, if any information leaves this room, your life will be forfeit. And you know my threats are not empty."

Alai bowed his head. "Of course, Lord Yuan."

Yuan nodded to him, then immediately fixed his attention back on Rai. "And you know the cost of severing Origin's current pact?"

He closed his eyes. "Yes. But I can't prioritize one life over the world's fate." Not even Kratos's, went unspoken.

"And who do you expect to wield the sword?" Yuan pressed.

"It depends," Rai hedged. "I think someone in the Chosen's group could - if they were turned against Cruxis, which will be easy enough. But the only one strong enough to do all that is required is probably…"

Yuan's eyes flashed as he realized what Rai was getting at. "You want him to kill his own father?"

"I think there's only so much we can arrange in advance," Rai sidestepped. "Even a chess master has to know when to step back, when to wait for more information. But…we need a hero, Lord Yuan. Someone who can convince the spirits to his side with his ideals - someone who has the strength of ideals to do what needs to be done, like Mithos once did. And, strategic as I am…I'm no hero. But Lloyd…" He paused. "I think he could be." 

They were all silent for several more beats. Then Yuan sighed, palming his forehead for a moment. "You're far too intelligent for your own good," he said. "Make sure you keep me in the loop, do you understand? Playing games this complex on your own will be disastrous. Trust me. I know from experience."

Rai didn't flinch. "I understand. …Thank you." He glanced over at Alai, who was staring at the table as though there were a million thoughts running through his mind. "And hey - you assigned someone very smart to keep an eye on me. So I'm sure I'll be fine."

Alai looked up at this, flashing his signature smirk. "Lord Yuan, you'll forgive me for using some…unorthodox methods with this one. He's been a bit…difficult to handle."

Rai felt himself flushing slightly - what was wrong with him? - as Yuan shook his head and sighed. "That's fine. I don't even want to know. Rai, there were some things I wanted to discuss with you one-on-one, but it may have to wait." He glanced at the communicator on his desk. "It seems you'll need to return to Thoda soon."

As they left the office, Rai barely managed to hold in his smile. 

As they arrived back at the forest near the geyser, Rai stole a glance at Alai. The other half-elf had been unusually quiet ever since the meeting with Yuan. "Are you okay?" he asked finally, against his better judgement, and Alai glanced at him in surprise.

"Worried about me?" he teased lightly. "I'm fine. That was a lot, but…we'll have time to talk about it more. For now, we just need to make sure we keep the Regeneration from happening. I'm more worried about you. Tough keeping up appearances with your friends, isn't it?"

How does he always flip everything like that?

Rai sighed. "Yes, well. I shouldn't get too attached - things are going to crash and burn once we reach the Tower of Salvation."

Alai was watching him carefully. "Shouldn't be attached, sure. But are you?"

He knew Alai must have guessed some of Rai's turmoil - he'd been there for Rai spectacularly failing to fight back properly against Lloyd in Palmacosta, after all. "I'll figure it out," Rai said wearily. "What's your next Desian assignment? You're not going to be around Kvar any time soon, are you?"

Alai narrowed his eyes. "Actually, I was going to visit the Asgard ranch, yeah. I'm not sure if Kvar has any particular plans to do anything out of the ordinary soon, though. That man tends to keep his cards close to his chest."

Great. Don't tell me Alai's going to be around for the destruction of Luin. Well…we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

"Be careful," he said aloud. "He's not someone to cross easily."

"I don't need you to tell me that," Alai said, crossing his arms. "But - thanks. I'll reach out later." He winked. "Don't miss me too much." With this questionable pronouncement, he was gone. Rai shook his head and started the short walk back to Thoda. Hopefully the group wasn't too suspicious about where he was.

As the geyser started to come back into view, he didn't see any sign of the party. But by the time he'd reached the edge of the water, he saw Lloyd's familiar red silhouette exiting the door of the seal. Perfect timing. The Renegades' network really was scary.

As the party trailed out, looking exhausted, Rai raised a hand in greeting. Lloyd, seemingly the only one with any energy left, raced forward to meet him. "Hey! Did you get a chance to rest a bit?"

He smiled without planning to. "I did. This place is surprisingly relaxing. How was the seal?"

"Tough," Lloyd admitted. He sighed and cast a glance at Genis. "Way too many water puzzles."

"As though you had to do any of them, Lloyd," Genis shot back. "They were easy, anyway."

This was when Colette, who was standing behind them, collapsed; Raine and Kratos, who had obviously been expecting this, caught her.

"Colette!" Lloyd sounded distraught as he raced over to her, and something twisted in Rai's chest.

"It's the Angel Toxicosis again," Raine pronounced, as Rai had known she would. "We should find a place to make camp and rest."

"I was scoping out the woods a bit while you were gone," Rai said smoothly. "This way."

He turned away from Lloyd and Colette and led the group in the direction of the clearing he'd seen earlier. Damn Alai. For all his teasing…when it came to his warning about attachments, he was probably right.

That didn't make this any easier.

Chapter Text

Lloyd watched as Colette came to join him on the log, her face deceptively cheerful. He'd asked to speak to her alone. Because…

"Here," he said. He handed her one of the mugs he'd brought from camp, filled with liquid. "Have some coffee."

"Thanks!" She smiled at him as she took the mug, sitting on the log next to him. He narrowed his eyes as she held it with her palms to the sides, not even flinching, a sick feeling rising in his chest. Could it really be?

"It's hot, isn't it?" he pressed. She smiled.

"Yeah, really hot!"

Lloyd swallowed. He hated tricking her like this, but he had to know. "It's actually iced coffee."

She stared at him, then down at the cup. "…What?"

"Yeah, I had Genis make it cold." He watched her, unable to look away, as that cheerful smile returned.

"Oh!" She giggled. "Yeah. Of course it's cold."

He felt anger rise inside him, hot, washing away some of that sick feeling. "I lied. It's actually hot." He glared at her as the smile fell away and she dropped the mug; it hit the ground and rolled to the side, but neither of them even looked at it. "I knew it. You can't feel anything at all. How long has this been going on, Colette?!"

"I - um, I - "

He just stared at her as she stammered, not about to give her an out now. Finally she sighed, closing her eyes for a moment.

"I guess you had to find out eventually." She sounded resigned, tired. "Did Rai tell you?"

"What?!" He could hardly speak. "No! He knows? But - forget that - do you really think I don't know you, Colette? How the hell could I not notice? You haven't been eating, either!"

"I - I eat - "

"Barely. You even started eating things you don't like. That's not all - you haven't been sleeping, either."

She giggled, and he almost wanted to hit her. "Of course I sleep! See, my eyes aren't red or anything - "

"Stop lying to me! You always do that fake giggle when you lie." Swallowing was painful. Was he really this useless, someone she couldn't depend on?

"Th-that's not - "

"Is it that hard for you to trust me?" he cut in, unable to stop his voice from shaking. Colette looked stricken.

"I - no! It's not like that, I just…I just didn't want anyone to worry…"

"Tell me what's actually happening to you. Please."

"I - " She sighed, shook her head. "I don't know. I knew the Chosen's journey would require a lot of me, that there would be trials. But I guess I didn't realize that these things would happen along the way. After the first seal, not being able to taste food, not being hungry…then, after the next seal, not being able to sleep. And now…this."

Lloyd could barely feel his body. "Why didn't you tell me?!"

"I thought - well, I just thought this was part of the Chosen's journey, part of becoming an angel. Part of my duty - "

"Your duty?" He stood from the log, unable to remain where he was. "Giving up your ability to eat, sleep, feel?! How can that be what you have to do?!" An echo of Rai's question from earlier played in his head - How does the Regeneration even fix anything? Was this what being the Chosen meant - being a sacrifice?

She gave a shaky smile. "It's not all bad! I mean, my eyes have gotten way better - I can see really far away now. And I can hear even the faintest sounds really well. I…" She hesitated, pain glinting in her eyes. "I can hear them so well that sometimes, it's…painful."

He pulled her to him, hugging her tightly, burying his face in her hair. "I'm sorry. I…I didn't realize what was going on at all. I'm so sorry."

"Please don't tell anyone," she whispered, and he felt like his heart was going to shatter. This was what she was worried about?

"Why?" he managed.

"I - this is something I have to handle as the Chosen. And I don't want you guys to worry, so - "

"Just stop," he said. He could feel frustrated tears welling in his eyes. "You're so stupid." He hugged her tighter, so tight that it might have hurt - if she hadn't already lost the ability to feel pain.

"I'm sorry, Lloyd," she breathed. "You're crying for me, and I'm so grateful - so happy that you care about me this much. And yet, I can't cry myself, anymore. I'm so sorry."

Helplessly, Lloyd held her, and cried.

Rai knew Colette had probably detected him nearby, with her angel hearing, but he felt rooted to the spot, listening to Lloyd - crying. Lloyd.

Hey, Akira said cautiously in his mind. This is good, right? Things are still going like they did in the game. Lloyd still noticed what he was supposed to notice. And you can manipulate him -

Yes, it's good, Rai returned simply, cutting his other self off. He made to walk away, but was more distracted than usual, and he stepped on a branch, making the leaves rustle loudly. Shit.

He heard Lloyd pause, no longer sobbing. "Who's there?" His voice had gone from broken to threatening so fast that Rai was having trouble processing it. Defeated, he walked out of the shelter of the tree.

"Nobody important," he said quietly. "Just me. Sorry to interrupt."

Lloyd was staring at him in that way - the stare that saw right through him, asked questions he didn't know how to answer. "Did you know about this, Rai?" he said quietly, and despite the vagueness, Rai knew exactly what he was asking.

Rai walked over to them and sat down on the log. "…Yes. Of course I did. It's not hard, after learning enough about the Chosen's journey, to read between the lines. And…I noticed changes too. Of course, the angel wings wouldn't be the only one."

There was frustration, maybe hurt, in Lloyd's expression now, but his voice was still quiet. "Why didn't you tell me?"

That soft question hurt more than anger would have. "It wasn't my place to tell," Rai argued. "If Colette wanted to keep it a secret - "

"But sometimes secrets have to be told," Lloyd interjected, voice a little louder now. "Sometimes, when people you care about are hurting, and you know they're just trying not to burden others - " His voice broke.

"I'm sorry," Rai said, and realized he really was. Did he sound it? He wasn't sure what else he could say. "Lloyd, it is unfair. It is. But you also have to think about what you're going to do. Did you really think the Regeneration would come without sacrifice? What did you think being Chosen meant?"

"I - I - " Lloyd's eyes glimmered with raw pain. "I don't know. But what else can we do?"

"Nothing," Rai said simply, glancing at Colette, who still sat close to Lloyd, her blue eyes sad. He stood. "At least not right now. Not if Colette still wants to do this. It's her choice, after all. What we can do is be here to support her. But...keep your eyes open, Lloyd. And follow your instincts. If you can't help but feel that something is wrong...it probably is."

With that, he walked away, leaving Lloyd and Colette alone in the dark clearing.

Aalissi couldn't help but think things were building in a bad direction.

First, there was Colette - undergoing change after change with every seal, though she was trying, clumsily, to hide it. Then Lloyd and Genis, both worried sick about her, and shaken, obviously questioning the journey as a whole. And Rai…

He'd vowed to stand against Cruxis and Thalendir with her, but the fact remained that she knew hardly anything about what he was truly up to. He was with a secretive group called the Renegades…so was that where he'd gone while the rest of them had been releasing the seal at Thoda Geyser?

As she walked, bringing up the rear of the group, she cast her gaze in Rai's direction. He was just a few paces ahead of her, but as usual, was quiet, walking as though lost deep in thought. They'd camped for the night in the forest near Thoda, but now they were on their way back to Luin. And yet…

Her head snapped up suddenly as she sensed a familiar mana signature, approaching fast. That assassin, again.

Aalissi flashed in front of Colette immediately, fan unfurled, and saw the rest of the group tense in response. That was when the girl burst onto the scene, seemingly having jumped through the treetops, and vaulted in Colette's direction from the air, her cards in hand. Aalissi deflected effortlessly in a graceful flip, sending the assassin flying with a single mana-enhanced swing of her fan. Sheena hit the ground hard, rolling several times before making it back to her feet, scowling.

"You again?!" she heard Lloyd snap as he raced forward as well, putting his body between Sheena and the rest, his twin swords held threateningly in front of him. "Why are you after Colette? You should know after working with us - she's an innocent girl - nice, kind. How could you want to kill her?"

Sheena opened her mouth as though about to respond - and then froze, her face suddenly motionless, her mana swirling with dread and fear. Aalissi followed her gaze and realized she was looking straight at Rai, who stood casually a few paces behind Lloyd, his whip loosely in his hand. His gaze was fixed on Sheena, too, and there was a barely perceptible smirk on his face.

Then, suddenly, the assassin just leapt back, and was gone in a cloud of smoke. Aalissi couldn't feel her mana anywhere nearby anymore - she seemed to have well-and-truly retreated.

She relaxed her battle stance, lowering her fan, and turned to the Chosen. "Are you all right, Colette?"

Colette only smiled at her, a little wistfully. "Yes. Thank you for protecting me. I only wish we knew why she was doing this."

Something inside Aalissi twisted. "Never mind that for now." She touched Colette's hand. "You would do well to worry about yourself, too." She saw a flash of something unreadable in Colette's eyes, before she bowed her head, her bangs hiding her expression.

Aalissi shot Rai a look. He now looked deceptively innocent, but she knew there had to be a reason why the assassin had been that afraid at the mere sight of him. Had they met before? She wanted to confront him about it, but there were too many party members with enhanced hearing to truly have a private conversation.

Unfortunately, it would have to wait until they reached Luin.

Chapter Text

Luin had been peaceful, with sparkling waterways and lush foliage, music playing in the streets.

Rai had known this might be coming, but it didn't make it any easier to take in - the charred, burned smell of torched buildings - the blackened trees, waterways dank with soot - the moans of injured and dying - the crackle of fires still raging, and the sounds of a lively city no longer there.

He glanced over and saw that Lloyd's face was contorted with grief and fury - and above all a shattering, helpless, raw pain - that, ironically, hit Rai harder than the destroyed village itself.

Lloyd said nothing, though, just leapt forward - scrambling through the destruction, scouring it for survivors. The rest of the party flurried into action as well. Rai saw no immediate sign of Desians, but there was no doubt as to who could have caused this.

Slowly, Rai walked deeper into the village, staring around him. There was almost something oddly serene, mesmerizing, about the ominous silence, punctuated by the hungry fire, the creaking of wood. He tried to make out what the structure of the town had been before, but with debris strewn everywhere, he hardly knew where the streets lay. The merchant's stall he had stopped at before was impossible to pinpoint - buried somewhere in the rubble. Bridges destroyed, every last fixture ransacked. No single building standing. At his feet lay a charred stuffed animal, one limb half-ripped off, its blank eyes staring at him.

He swallowed. This was...worse, really, than he had been expecting. And yet all he really felt was a sort of...emptiness, a resignation.

He heard a tiny, desperate sound of despair from nearby - Lloyd - and without thought, had whirled around, raced to where he felt Lloyd's mana, subdued and chaotic all at once. His friend knelt on the ground, and in his arms was a boy, an enormous gash across his chest, his clothes so bloody the original color couldn't be made out. His gaze was fixed on Lloyd's, and Rai realized this was him - the same boy they'd met when they first visited Luin, who had asked Lloyd to train him.

"I...I did it, right?" the boy asked in a tiny, broken voice. "I fought them. I...protected her. Did I - did I do well?"

Rai could see Lloyd's whole body shaking, the way he clenched his empty fist at his side. He realized that only a few feet away from the boy lay a woman. The family resemblance was unmistakable. But...

Quietly, he strode over to her, knelt. No mana. No life. Gently, he shut her glassy eyes, his chest heavy, and met Lloyd's gaze briefly. Rai gave a minute shake of his head, and the way tears brimmed in Lloyd's eyes only made the heaviness tighter.

Then the swordsman blinked the tears away, looked down, and smiled at the boy. "You did," he promised, and his voice barely trembled. "You did well. I'm...I'm so proud of you." This time his voice did break on the last word, but the boy smiled anyway, faintly, even as his eyes grew hazy. Then...his mana flickered away, a flame put out.

Lloyd drew in a shuddering breath, and now the tears spilled down his cheeks as he pulled the boy to him, eyes squeezing shut. Rai walked over to him, put a hand on his quaking shoulder. As he did so, he realized his party members weren't the only familiar mana signatures he felt in this place. Sharply, he glanced over at the opposite building, and then for a moment, forgot how to breathe.

It was a very familiar half-elf, his distinctive purple hair half tied back, the rest loose, flowing to the small of his back. Though there was no helmet, he was wearing Desian gear. He felt Lloyd shift under his grasp and looked back to him helplessly as he looked up, already following where Rai's gaze had been, his body tensing. Rai realized, far too late, what was about to happen as Lloyd lowered the boy gently to the ground and then leapt forward, snarling, unleashing his swords with lethal speed, his mana suddenly furious.

Alai whirled to face them, his red eyes wide in surprise, and Rai knew he was really and truly startled, had been distracted for whatever reason, and for once, wasn't ready for this, hadn't been one step ahead, somehow hadn't noticed the party's arrival, though it wasn't even remotely in-character for him. He started to move into a defensive stance, to unsheathe his blade, but Rai knew he was too late, that he wouldn't make it. And Rai was already moving.

He and Akira were in simple, instant, wordless agreement, his past self controlling his muscles without needing to be told as Rai sent every bit of mana he could muster to them and shot forward to intercept. And he lashed out with his whip, he drew from his new ring and let some of that warm power from its previous owner flood him, flood the whip as an extension of him, extend into a mana barrier that Lloyd hadn't been expecting, and send him staggering backwards from impact, swords clanging uselessly against it. Akira somersaulted Rai to land directly in front of Alai, who was now in battle stance, his sword at the ready. But when Rai turned his head slightly to look at the Renegade, he saw the sheer shock in his eyes, heard the shallowness of his breath. Rai didn't have time to think why, but Alai seemed affected by something more than just the sudden attack. Those red eyes might have flickered momentarily to Rai's hand, to the ring on his finger. But then his gaze was fixed on Lloyd again, and Rai mirrored him.

The pure shock and betrayal on Lloyd's face hurt Rai despite himself, and he let it spill onto his expression, knowing that appearing cold and unaffected in this moment would only fracture their trust more. He needed to stay in the party until the Tower; he couldn't afford for everything to fall apart now. Behind Lloyd, the other party members were racing up, combinations of betrayal and shock warring in their faces, but Kratos looked unreadable, standing with his arms crossed, and Aalissi was all poised, tense lines. Her expression held no judgement when she looked at him, only worry.

"Rai...why...?" The fight had drained from Lloyd, and he sounded so lost that the twisting feeling in Rai's gut only deepened. He wanted to lower his weapon, go immediately to Lloyd, take everything back. But he couldn't.

Instead, he turned his head slightly, addressing Alai under his breath. "Go." He knew most of the party would hear, with their enhanced senses - everyone but Lloyd. He couldn't say more than that, and Alai seemed to know this too, because he didn't respond, didn't reassure Rai in any way - just melted away, darting through the wreckage until he was out of sight. It was a testament to his usual quickness that none of the party even had the time to give chase, staring after him in shock, then focusing back on Rai, the full force of their collective hurt nearly crushing him.

Rai dropped the mana shield. Dropped the whip. "I'm sorry," he said, and let every ounce of his true hurt and regret bleed into his voice. "But he's not the one you need to take revenge on. I swear that to you." He sounded full of conviction, and he didn't have to feign it. Alai didn't like killing helpless innocents any more than Rai did; it was unlikely he'd actively participated in the raid at all, even if he'd pretended to.

Lloyd only stared at him, seemingly lost for words, and it was Genis who stepped forward. "That was him," he said, accusing, but with a slow dawning of understanding. "Alai. The one who outed me as a half-elf in Iselia. The one we met in Palmacosta. And the one who we saw again with the Desians during the Palmacosta raid...who saved that one Desian, the one with the purple..." He trailed off, eyes widening, and suddenly was really looking at Rai, his eyes taking in Rai's body in a way he usually didn't.

Then suddenly Lloyd dashed towards him, a familiar sword swing coming his way, and Akira flipped Rai back, out of the way, even as dread filled him. The move was identical to what he'd done during his fight with Lloyd in Palmacosta, when he'd been disguised, wearing the very purple helmet Genis had alluded to. Lloyd stopped, not continuing to attack, just as Rai had expected, but he was breathing hard, gaze piercing Rai, fury and recognition battling in his eyes. "It was you," he breathed. "It was you all along."

He calculated quickly. "I - I'm not sure what you - "

"Stop, Rai." Lloyd sheathed his swords, but he didn't look away from Rai for even a second. "I knew something was wrong even at the time. It was you I fought back then, wasn't it?  And..." He hesitated, and something of the way he normally looked at Rai, just a hint of his usual warmth, was there - and it hurt. "You were holding back. You were trying not to hurt me."

"How could I have been there?" Rai pointed out. "You saw what happened. Rescued me from a Desian cell. How can that be if I really fought you in Palmacosta?" He knew there was a pleading, desperate edge to his words, but leaned into it, and saw conflict glimmer in Lloyd's eyes.

Raine stepped forward now. "Rai," she said, but her voice wasn't as cold as he'd expected, just pointed, serious. "I think it's time you let us in on what's going on. I don't think any of us really believe you've betrayed us outright, but the situation is obviously more complex than we know."

He breathed in, then out. Emotional manipulation wouldn't work on his sister, especially since her mana would be fully recovered by now. "All right," he said, and let the defeat he felt show, let them understand that they were winning something from him. He wouldn't tell them the whole truth - couldn't tell them about Cruxis at this stage - but about opposition to the Desians? That, he could spin.

"There's more to the system than we know," he said. "Than even I know. But...not all half-elves are with the Desians. There are opposing factions. One of them is called the Renegades." He looked to each party member, saw their rapt attention, surprise and relief more prominent now than suspicion, and knew each one was cross-referencing this with what they knew, with what Rai had said and done in the past, and even with Alai.

After a pause, he continued. "They became aware of me, scouted me," he said. "You've guessed by now, but Alai is a Renegade. I first saw him in Iselia - he was undercover at the ranch there at the time, and you met him, Genis. And...when I was kidnapped before Palmacosta...I didn't know about it in advance, but that was the Renegades. Testing me. Initiating me. The misdirection about Magnius was just that - something meant to make you think it was the Desians who took me."

He watched their expressions closely, then added, "They offered me something - a test, and an opportunity. To infiltrate the Desians during the Palmacosta raid - not to help them, but to prevent civilian casualties."

Genis burst out at this, his voice shaking. "Prevent how?! If you were that Desian in the purple helmet, you...you..." He swallowed. "You taunted Chocolat, you asked to kill her with your own sword - you were about to, until we attacked!"

Rai didn't respond directly, but shifted his gaze to Aalissi and saw the understanding in her eyes immediately. She stepped forward, calm as always, and though her voice was soft, it carried, everyone hanging on her words.

"He's telling the truth," she said, looking at each party member in turn, her violet gaze regal, earnest. "I felt it at the time. Remember my position on the rooftops? I was closer to him than any of you. Close enough to feel his mana, realize who he was. And...close enough to feel as he used his mana, to trip the girl. He never intended to kill her."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Genis accused, but he sounded more uncertain now. Aalissi dipped her head.

"I sincerely apologize for that," she said, and everyone with mana sense would know her to be truthful - her life force entirely unmasked, honest, bright. "I chose to confront Rai directly, to give him a chance to explain. He told me about the Renegades, and it fit with pieces I already knew. He begged me not to reveal it right away, and knowing he was still on our side, I...I acquiesced."

Thank you, Aalissi. He could have kissed her in that moment. She'd framed everything perfectly - all without telling a single lie. What had felt terrible at the time, her discovering his identity, had turned out to be an unexpected boon.

"Then how did you end up in that cell?" Raine demanded, not lingering on the prior revelations, only pressing forward with precision. She was demonstrably the most dangerous one here.

Rai inclined his head. "That was part of the cover story. When the Renegades kidnapped me, they set you up to think I'd been kidnapped by the Desians, who I'd actually infiltrated. So...I slipped into a cell, just where I knew you'd find me. I'm sorry for deceiving you."

"And what about how you acted at the ranch?"

He had to glance wildly around the clearing, initially unable to identify the asker. Then he saw her - Sheena, standing from where she must have been crouching behind some rubble. Multiple party members tensed at the sight of her - she'd attacked Colette multiple times, after all - but she didn't even react, her accusing gaze fixed on Rai. He swallowed.

"What are you - "

"I saw you," she interrupted, cutting through the deflection. "Though I didn't know it was you at the time. Must have been before you conveniently slipped into the cell. But you seemed pretty convincing to me. Just like a cruel Desian."

He put up his palms helplessly. "Would you fault me for playing my undercover role? Did you see me harm anyone?"

She snorted. "Maybe not physically. What was it you said? 'Oh, but I couldn't resist. The melodrama - a daughter begging to be killed in front of her mother - isn't there something exciting about it?' You were smiling. The other goddamn Desian bastard was scared of you!"

Rai's blood ran cold as she quoted him. He hadn't expected to remember what he'd said, word for word. It must have affected her more deeply than he'd thought.

He glanced at the rest of the party - could he undermine her testimony? But he saw that it was too late - they believed her - recognition, shock, disgust...resignation?

"You remembered that well," he acknowledged, and saw the redoubled surprise - probably, nobody had expected him to own the damning quote. "But if you haven't had to play a role in stakes that high, you can't possibly understand. I'm sorry I put you through that." He made himself sound regretful, understanding, forcing warmth into his expression, even as he clamped tightly down on his mana, hiding the irritation.

She was still glaring at him, and he shrugged, continuing, "Are you perhaps the pot calling the kettle black, here? You're trying to kill the Chosen, after all." He saw this land, saw the other party members look at her, recalibrating, remembering that she was an enemy.

Sheena looked taken a back, then defensive. "I have my reasons for that," she shot back immediately.

"Reasons," Rai repeated. "Reasons you can't tell us...right? Maybe you do understand, then - that sometimes what we say isn't always what we mean." He shook his head. "So why are you here? Were you going to try and kill Colette again?"

She looked furious, then hesitated, some of the fight going off of her. "No," she said, and her voice was rougher now. "Not...not now. What just happened..." She looked around her, and Rai took the opportunity to register her appearance - clothes tattered, blackened with soot - bloodstained. Had she been here, fighting, during the initial attack? "I have to do something," she continued. "What the Desians did was..." She stopped. "More than wrong. And the townsfolk here have been kind to me. Please - believe that at least for now, my only goal is to help them." This last seemed to be directed at Colette - she didn't spare Rai another glance.

There was a heavy silence. Then Colette said, "I believe you. Like I said, Sheena - you're good. Kind. I know that. That's why I know your attacks against me are for good reason, too. And...I think we need to do something about the Desians. So maybe...if you're going to the ranch...you can join us - "

"Wait." It was Raine this time, arms folded across her chest. "I appreciate your point, Colette, but she's someone who tried to kill you multiple times. And we've just had multiple new revelations. I think we need time to process. Sheena...I do see you are injured. Would you allow me to heal you?"

She assented, and as Raine went to her, beginning diagnostic spells, Rai made himself glance back at the rest of the party. Genis was gazing at the ground now, fists clenched, and Colette still looked uncharacteristically serious, but was looking at Sheena instead of him. Kratos seemed impassive as ever. But Lloyd's gaze was fixed directly on Rai.

Rai only looked back, waiting, and after a moment Lloyd strode towards him. He walked with purpose, and Rai nearly expected to be decked in the face, but when he got close, Lloyd stopped, staring at him fiercely. Their gazes remained locked, then Lloyd said, a slight tremor in his voice, "You stupid idiot. In Palmacosta...I nearly killed you."

It landed, sending a cold chill over Rai's body. "I know. I felt it."

"How...why..." Lloyd struggled for a moment. "I can understand that maybe you were undercover. Even if I don't like that you hid it from us. Even understand you playing that role really well - even if it's a little creepy, a little disturbing, that you could pull it off. But how can I live with the fact that I could have - Rai, in that moment, I really would have - " His fists were clenched, trembling.

"I'm sorry I did that to you," Rai said softly. "No - to us. I didn't quite expect that to happen - for my performance to land that way. By the time I realized...it was too late. And...I couldn't bring myself to really fight you - "

"I know," Lloyd choked. "That makes it worse. Can you imagine, Rai, if I'd killed you, and then taken off the helmet, and put it all together - that it was you - and that's why I'd felt you holding back? Do you know what that would have done to me, you bastard?"

Rai couldn't breathe, because it was hard to confront - that Lloyd still cared about him this much - even after he'd just protected a stranger from him, even after he'd hid so much from him. And the thing that he focused on most was that he might have killed Rai?

"I - I'm sorry - " Rai started falteringly, but Lloyd had already crushed him into a hug, and Rai just stood there, frozen, for a moment. Then he hugged Lloyd back, trying to stop the unnecessary shaking his body had decided to start doing. "I'm sorry," he said again, and knew his voice sounded broken.

"Shut up," Lloyd said, tightening his arms around him. "Idiot."

Even as Rai stood there in his friend's arms, he knew wretchedly this wouldn't last. A reckoning was coming. And Rai didn't know how he would handle it when it finally broke Lloyd down.

When Rai walked a little way from where they'd made camp, every party member lost in their own thoughts, it didn't take long to find Sheena, curled on the ground next to a log, staring at the stars. When she saw him, she glared immediately, every muscle in her body tensing.

"Hey, calm down," he said lightly, showing her his palms. "Just wanted to talk."

"Why would I want to talk to you, you creepy bastard?"

"Harsh," he said, trying to lighten the mood, but the glare didn't falter. "Look - aren't you curious about why I said what I said? Obviously I wasn't really a Desian - that much should be clear."

"No good person can act the way you did," she said decisively, without a hint of hesitation. "Can say what you did, the way you said it."

He didn't care at all about Sheena as a person, but the sheer confidence with which she said it still stung a bit. He paused for a moment, then said, "…Fair. Maybe I'm not straightforwardly 'good', then. But maybe I'm also not 'evil'."

"What does that even mean?" She drew herself up, sitting straighter against the log, and crossed her arms. "What you said - I couldn't even have come up with that, much less said it. What kind of person can even imagine enjoying…that?"

He got the implication, the idea that he'd even conceived of enjoyment in watching a daughter beg to be killed instead of her mother. "The kind of person who's been through things just as dark," he snapped, much more sharply than he'd intended.

She looked taken aback for just a moment, and then the harshness returned. "Do you think that excuses it?"

"No," he said, then took a breath. "No - but doesn't it explain it? After all, we're not talking about someone I actually hurt - we're talking about something I just thought of, something I could imagine and use to play a role. Couldn't things I went through in my past explain how I could go there? Does that make me evil?"

"I - " she huffed, looking away from him. "I - whatever. I don't like you, do you get it?"

"Of course." He sat down next to her, noticing her flinch. "I don't know that I much like you either," he continued, and she redoubled her glare. Come on - are you the only one who gets to dislike people? Irritating, self-righteous girl. "But I do know something about your…mission. That's why I want to talk. Hearing that, are you going to refuse?"

"Just spit it out already," she snapped. "Bastard."

He grinned, but felt no warmth. "You were hired to kill the Chosen," he said clearly, levelly. "You're an assassin from Tethe'alla, the flourishing world. Because if the Chosen were to succeed, Tethe'alla would suffer. But now, when you've been faced by the sheer suffering of the people of Sylvarant…and with the reality of having to kill a self-sacrificing, noble girl…suddenly you're not so certain."

There was growing shock and fear on her face, and he hated that he found a cold pleasure in it. "But what if," he continued, not bothering to wait for her to confirm or deny the truth, "there was a way everybody could win? A way to not have to kill Colette, who sees the goodness in everyone, even you?" He knew his tone had begun slightly mocking, and attempted to reel it back to simple objectivity.

She swallowed. "What are you talking about?!" A demand.

He put an arm casually on the log behind them, and she tensed. "What if I told you I don't want the Regeneration to happen either? Theoretically, that is. Perhaps the whole reason I'm here is to stop Colette from completing it. Do you still need to kill her?"

"Why - " Sheena was shaking, he wasn't sure whether from fear or anger. "Why would you want to stop it?"

He shrugged. "Maybe I don't like this status quo of world reversal? Need it matter to you why, Sheena? Or are you that eager to kill Colette, to watch that beautiful girl die at your hand?" He saw her flinch, and knew he had her.

She was quiet for a moment, then said, "If you think this will make me think you're any less of a monster, you're wrong. You're worse than I thought you were."

He actually chuckled at that. Maybe she wasn't as boring as he'd initially assumed. "That's fine," he said. "Think me monstrous all you like. But I think we're aligned on this, are we not? Act with us against the Desians, as you already wanted to do. Don't kill Colette. And let me be the monster, so you don't have to."

He stood and walked away, leaving her motionless next to the log.

Well. At least one interaction had gone smoothly.

He found Kratos next, the mercenary standing at the outskirts of Luin, staring at the still-burning buildings. They'd searched the town thoroughly, but hadn't found a single survivor. Everyone had seemingly either died or been taken prisoner.

"Father," Rai said, and Kratos cut him a glance - not startled, but still unreadable. Rai walked up and stood next to him, and they both looked out over the destruction for a while.

Finally, Kratos spoke. "You acted recklessly today, son. What does that man mean to you?"

Fuck, right to the jugular.

"Not going to ask about my connection with the Renegades?" he mused. Kratos folded his arms.

"Even if it wasn't confirmed, I presumed you were more aligned with them. You've been talking to your father quite a bit, after all - and I know you wouldn't align yourself with Mithos. But I didn't expect you to throw away your cover quite so spectacularly."

"Well," Rai said, "maybe I'm not as detached an observer as you are. Maybe there are things I actually care about."

He saw a flash in Kratos's eyes and knew he'd hit a nerve. "You're part of the reason I care more than I should, as of late," he growled. "As is Lloyd. But both of you have been testing my patience."

"You're right," Rai admitted. "I did mess up - miscalculated. I didn't expect Alai to be there - for Lloyd to see him with that perfect timing - "

"You do realize," Kratos said lowly, "that you just exposed Alai to an agent of Cruxis -- to myself? I knew him as an intermediary between the grand Cardinals, but now I know he's one of Yuan's subordinates."

Rai shrugged helplessly. "I know. But is he better exposed, or dead? Not only that - are you really planning to report this back to Cruxis, Father? About Alai…or myself?"

Kratos was quiet for a while, during which Rai was a little more tense than he would have liked. Finally, the seraph said, "No, at least not now. I think you know that. But you've put me in a position of having to lie to one of my oldest friends, one who I am currently officially aligned with. I do not appreciate that."

"You're already lying to him about Yuan," Rai pointed out. Kratos rolled his eyes.

"Why must you always try to gain the upper hand, child? Accept the small victories you garner. And I haven't forgotten that you never answered my question. What does Alai mean to you?"

"I - " Rai stopped, frustrated. "He's an ally. A comrade. Someone I didn't want killed."

"An ally," Kratos repeated. "One you flung your own body in front of without a thought, to protect against a killing blow?"

"You make it sounds so dramatic," Rai said. "Sure - more than an ally. A friend I wanted to protect. Isn't that enough, Father? Must I be as cold, as detached as four thousand-year-old angels playing their power games?"

"You're playing with fire, Rai," Kratos warned. "When you're playing factions like this - friends aren't just bonds. They're liabilities."

"I know," Rai shot back, before he could stop himself. He took a breath. "Don't you think I'm aware? None of this is easy."

Kratos sighed, turned towards him, his eyes gleaming with something more this time - tired, resigned, and maybe regretful. "Perhaps it's inevitable," he said. "With your brilliance, and yet youth. Us old men are relegated to watch, even as we know the mistakes being made."

So condescending. Rai swallowed down his irritation. "And you aren't making any yourself?" he challenged. "What are you doing, anyway, Father? Aligning yourself with Cruxis, even when you know the flaws in Mithos's plans? At least Yuan has something to say for himself - at least he's resisting!"

Kratos looked weary, not even mounting the anger Rai had expected. "You're right, son. But that doesn't make the game you're playing any less dangerous - any less painful."

"What do you suggest I do?" Rai let some of his helplessness, his annoyance leak into his tone. "I tried to stay impartial, detached. It doesn't work. Not for anybody. Not you, not Yuan, not even Mithos. In the end, we're fallible, emotional beings." He half-wished Kratos would give him an answer. But he could see in his adoptive father's face that…he wasn't, couldn't.

There wasn't one.

Chapter Text

Aalissi stood perfectly still, her back pressed to the cold wall as she waited for the right moment to duck around the corner, watching Sheena carefully as she led the group. As they made their way stealthily through the ranch corridors, Aalissi found herself next to Rai, her shoulder brushing his arm. His sheer body heat always surprised her -- he was so much like an elf that sometimes she forgot there was human in him, too. His mana signature next to her, slight taint though it carried, had somehow become warm, familiar.

The two of them ended up briefly a ways from the rest of the group, crouched behind a crate, as several Desians passed by. She felt Rai suppress his mana -- likely wholly unnecessary, as most half-elves were abhorrent at sensing it. But he did well at it, better than she'd expected -- nearly erasing his own presence, and making her turn, startled, needing to physically see him to confirm he was there. He looked at her too, blinking, then leaned close to her ear. "Thank you," he murmured. "For earlier. Telling them what you did. Confiding in you was truly wise."

"I only told the truth," she whispered back. "And I have much to ask you. Not least about that half-elf."

His breath fanned her cheek as he exhaled quietly, green eyes weary. "Seems to be everyone's question. 'That man. What is he to you?'" This last, he intoned in a deeper, monotone voice.

She was amused despite herself. "Kratos asked, I presume?"

"Obviously. Why, were you going to phrase it differently?"

She mulled this over for a bit as they moved, carefully flitting from one hiding spot to the next, tracing the group's steps ahead of them. "Perhaps. I might have asked how you found a Pair. I didn't think that was possible for non-elves."

They slipped into another crevice, his body close enough that she felt his breath catch at her words. "Pair...?" His eyes narrowed. "You'll be the death of me. You had to drop that at a time I can't interrogate you about it." Before she could say anything, he'd slipped ahead. She followed silently. Perhaps it made sense that he didn't know. Even among elves, true Pairs were rare. That made Rai's obvious mana resonance with the purple-haired man even stranger. But if they truly were...

Well, it was no mystery why Rai had so instinctively defended him, why he had thrown himself in front of him with that desperate look in his eyes. Why Alai had stared at him like a doomed man offered salvation.

She smiled to herself. It was at once poetic and tragic. She remembered their own first meeting -- how he'd been all youthful charm, wanting to impress her. Ironic that it was Alai who brought true emotion from him, cracked his composure. Caught between that and his bond with Lloyd -- for someone like Rai, who so obviously craved control, it must be sheer torture.

She'd expected Rai to catch up with the group, but he lingered behind, and she found herself squeezed into a hiding spot with him yet again when they had to duck to avoid another incoming patrol, both obviously feeling their mana far before seeing them. She studied him.

"I've wondered this before," she murmured. "How can your mana sense be so sensitive? You seem...perhaps as perceptive as I am. Despite your taint."

He huffed slightly. "You and your elven words. Don't you see how condescending that is?" He seemed more amused than angry, though.

"It's simply the truth," she responded, and this time there was a flash of something akin to anger in his eyes. He moved closer suddenly, nearly pressing them together in the enclosed space, touching his forehead to hers -- his mana, practically elven as always, pricking against her skin. So powerful. But despite the escalation, she sensed no physical intent from him. No -- this was a power move -- meant to force her to feel him -- feel his mana.

She put a palm on his chest, pushing him back slightly, and smiled. "I understand better why men are entranced by you, now," she said, and he rolled his eyes.

"And what entrances you?" he breathed, lips barely moving. There were still Desians in the hallway down from next, their boots marching loudly as they patrolled, meaning they'd have to stay hidden for now. "Certainly not me, I must admit."

Aalissi let herself smile a bit more. She reached out and cupped his face, not unlike what she'd done all those days ago at the lake shore. "Mm. You're beautiful -- if you'd been a beautiful lady, that would undo me. As it is, you lost the battle before you started."

"So that's it," he said in realization, and she was unsurprised that for all his intellect, he hadn't even considered the possibility. "Well. I suppose that still saves my ego." His words were gently teasing, self-effacing.

This time she was the first to duck back out into the open, Rai following, as they raced past to join the rest of the group, where they'd entered a large room. Aalissi stepped over the threshold and froze, Rai nearly bumping into her from behind. His warm hand rested on her shoulder, a silent query.

She only looked forward, taking in the scene. Not far ahead, the group was staring too -- Lloyd tense, fists clenched, Raine for once icily still, Genis trembling. Kratos, stiff. And Colette, her hands clasped in front of her, her long blonde hair hiding her expression. But Aalissi was hyperaware of her mana -- golden, shaken.

The room made up an enormous assembly line. On one end, humans went in. On the other, machines came out. And at the very end...exspheres.

She closed her eyes a moment, recalibrating. She'd known Cruxis had unorthodox, even cruel methods. But she hadn't quite realized that the enhancing gems half-elves were using -- the exspheres -- were created through human life force. The elven experiments...could it be?

Rai moved next to her, his hand still on her, comforting, and she let herself lean into him for a moment. But when she opened her eyes, refocused on his mana, she knew he was calm. He'd known.

She turned to him, keeping her voice low. Above the noise of the machines, she knew the others wouldn't hear. "Is this what they did with the captured elves?" she whispered. He didn't answer, and she tightened her grip on his arm. "Rai. I must know."

He turned to her, eyes sad. "Cruxis was experimenting with exsphere research on elves, yes. It's what happened to my mother. ...Maybe Fae, too."

It hurt more than Aalissi had expected it to. She'd prepared for the worst - had expected that by now, Fae would be dead. But for him to have been mechanically processed, turned into a tool, his mana ripped from him --

Rai was putting his arms around her, and she accepted him, leaning against his solid presence and letting his familiar scent ground her just briefly, before pulling away. Now wasn't the time.

He touched her shoulder one last time, bracingly, before moving forward, next to Lloyd. She saw Lloyd turn to him, his whole body stiff, his voice audible from where she stood. "Did you know about this, too?"

Rai didn't answer, but she knew why -- there was suddenly another presence, a powerful presence. She flash-stepped to Colette's side immediately, one hand at her fan, scanning the room.

"Well, well," came a cold voice. "I see we have some rats."

A man stepped into view, his features austere, ears long and pointed, eyes red and slanted. A half-elf -- dressed in full battle armor, at that. He smiled cruelly. Around Aalissi, the rest of the group shifted into battle stances, bodies tense.

"Who are you?!" Lloyd demanded, and Aalissi saw the half-elf's cold eyes flick to him, assessing.

"You barge into my ranch and demand my name?" he asked, voice calm, but with an edge to it. "I am Lord Kvar -- one of the Desian Grand Cardinals. And who are you, boy?"

"Someone who's going to make you pay for everything you've done," Lloyd growled. Aalissi realized what he was going to do only too late as he raced forward, faster than she'd thought a human could move, his swords thrusting lethally forward. Kvar, for his part, leapt out of the way, and for a moment they were a blur of bodies as Lloyd attacked with relentless fury, the Grand Cardinal managing to parry and dodge, though not without effort. With how entangled the two were, nobody else could join without friendly fire. Then Kvar made a movement and several mechanical objects flew through the air towards him, from different points around the room, so fast Aalissi barely had time to register, much less warn Lloyd. But Rai had already cried out a warning, even as he thrust out an arm, sending sharp wind mana at several of the weapons. They crashed to the ground, but some others sent out synchronized bolts of lightning straight towards Lloyd. The swordsman had obviously heard Rai's warning, and flipped backwards, narrowly missing being electrocuted. He glared at Kvar, breathing hard.

"You," Kvar snarled. "Could it be…?"

There was such hatred in his voice that Aalissi mustered up her mana, ready to loose it at any moment. She wasn't sure what had prompted the change, but the man's mana was dark, boiling with pure vengeful killing intent. She followed his gaze and realized that the cloth that usually covered Lloyd's hand had slipped, revealing the round exsphere set there.

Then Kvar straightened up, laughing chillingly. Aalissi gritted her teeth, shifting closer to Colette, as he continued to cackle for far longer than necessary. She saw Lloyd's grip tighten on his swords.

"So," Kvar said eventually. "My Angelus Project comes back to me at last. Of its own will, no less."

"What are you talking about?!" Lloyd's voice was shaking with fury as he stepped threateningly towards Kvar, who only smiled cruelly.

"You don't know, do you? Allow me to enlighten you -- what that exsphere you have really is. It was the result of an experiment of mine, you see. All exspheres are awakened from humans, extracting their life force to grow and awaken -- why else would we waste time raising you inferior beings? But that particular one -- this was the result of time-consuming research -- the culmination of all of our efforts -- " There was underlying fury, now, held tightly at bay. "And yet, before it could be offered as an offering to Lord Yggdrasill, it was stolen -- by that filthy female host body." He spat each word contemptuously.

She saw Rai step forward, putting a hand on Lloyd's back, as Lloyd snapped, "What the hell are you talking about? Female host -- you can't possibly mean -- " His voice trembled on the last word, and Kvar laughed again.

"Your mother, of course. Host body A012, human name, Anna. She dared escape the facility with the exsphere. She met her death, of course."

"You killed -- "

"Now, now -- don't blame me." Kvar's voice dripped with mock-kindness, and Aalissi braced herself. "It wasn't I who killed her -- it was your father."

"You're lying," Lloyd snarled, but Kvar only shook his head, smiling.

"It's true. When her key-crest-less exsphere was removed, she turned into a monster, and your father killed her. Pathetic, isn't it? But more importantly, the exsphere was lost. For it to come back to me now, after all this time…" His voice was a purr.

Aalissi took stock of the environment, but there was nowhere to run -- Desian footsoldiers surrounded every exit, and more of Kvar's floating electric weapons hovered in a large circle around them. Sheena moved suddenly, raising a card, but Kvar thrust out his arm immediately and one of the weapons moved, lightning emanating from it, and the next moment Sheena had leapt back with a hiss of pain, the card going up in flames. Rai glared at her.

"Now," Kvar said. "It's time for me to reclaim my property." He stepped forward, and Lloyd growled, blurring into activity again, but this time Kvar was ready for him. His floating weapons coalesced, sent lightning flooding through Lloyd, who gasped, falling to his knees. In the same moment Rai had moved, his whip cracking in the air, a mana shield pushing Kvar back several steps.

"Wait," Rai said smoothly. "Lord Kvar, it would be perfectly within your rights to simply kill him and take the Exsphere, as you intend. But might I ask that you simply take the Exsphere, and imprison him for now? I have some interesting information you may want to hear."

Kvar focused on him, calculating. He was silent for a few seconds, and then the cruel smile returned, along with -- a glint of recognition? "Certainly," he said. "Men -- seize them."

Kvar's office was plush, comfortable -- nothing like the sterile environment Rai realized he'd been envisioning. He sat back in the chair, watching as Kvar took a seat on the other side of the table.

"So," Kvar said, sounding mildly interested, like a tiger who noted a squirrel at the edge of a clearing. "You're our little spy among them. Pronyma did tell me about you." In front of him, the exsphere sat, and his gaze often flitted to it, reverently, as though he could hardly believe it was there.

"Yes, Lord Kvar." Rai leaned forward. "To keep the Chosen alive, of course, and ensure she remains…motivated. Congratulations on reclaiming the fruits of your Angelus Project, sir."

"I would say flattery would get you nowhere," Kvar said, "but in this case -- thank you. I am indeed pleased." He stroked the exsphere before looking back up at Rai. "So. You had some information for me, did you?"

"Yes. It couldn't be said in front of the Chosen's group, but -- it's likely in our better interest to keep the boy alive. I suspect that with him dead, the Chosen would lose all motivation to continue."

Kvar studied him, saying nothing for some time, during which Rai remained deliberately casual. Finally, he said, "I suppose that is reasonable. We wouldn't want Lord Yggdrasill's plans to be impeded. Though you seemed rather…fond of the boy."

Rai shrugged. "He is entertaining. But my first priority is ensuring our Lord's plans -- and staying in his good graces. And perhaps if you can finally offer this exsphere to him…" He trailed off, and Kvar grinned, obviously filling in the blanks himself. Thank Martel he's in such a good mood because of the exsphere, the freak.

"I do have some additional information for you, though, Lord Kvar," he added, and Kvar looked back to him. "Have you heard anything about what Lord Rodyle is working on?"

Kvar's eyes narrowed. "You'll have to be more specific than that."

Rai shook his head. "I’m not referring to the Mana Cannon," he said deliberately, and saw Kvar's fingers tighten slightly on the edge of the desk. Rai knew he must be wondering, How does this nobody know about that project? He continued, "But were you aware he was working on his own Angelus project?"

"What?" Kvar snapped, then paused, taking a breath. When he spoke again, his voice was cool. "That's not possible."

"I suspect he's been taking your research," Rai continued. "He's been utilizing a host body in Tethe'alla to attempt the creation of his own Cruxis Crystal. I would be careful working with him."

"How would you know this?" Kvar intoned coldly. His whole demeanor had stiffened, the exsphere forgotten on the table.

Rai grinned. "I report to Alai. You still need to ask that question?"

Kvar gritted his teeth. "That slippery -- why didn't he tell me before?"

"He's neutral," Rai pointed out. "An intermediary between you all. You expected him to take sides? But…" He paused, leaned forward a little more. "I have no such restrictions," he murmured. "And I don't think it's fair for research to be stolen from the one who put in all the work. Wouldn't you agree, Lord Kvar?"

Kvar's gaze was piercing. "If this is true," he growled, "Rodyle must be -- " He stopped, as though recalibrating what he wanted to say in front of Rai.

"Eliminated?" Rai finished smoothly, and saw on Kvar's face that he'd guessed right. "Why do you think he constructed his ranch on that remote island? Sure -- maybe it was to keep the Mana Cannon you were helping with a secret. But do you think that's the only thing he's hiding?"

Kvar said nothing, and after a moment Rai added, "I believe Lady Pronyma has her own suspicions. Of course, you won't take my word for it -- you're far too intelligent for that. You might consider speaking with her, as well." He leaned back.

He'd been planning to poison Kvar, had already contacted Leina, the current infiltrating Renegade, but with how well this had worked…perhaps he'd be more useful alive, for now. To sabotage Rodyle without Rai having to lift a finger. Then again…

Rai sighed internally. No. Kvar already had the exsphere, and he wasn't going to give it up without a fight. And the others would never be satisfied without freeing the prisoners at this ranch. What a shame.

As he waited for Kvar's response, he let his mana swirl around his hidden communicator, selected one of the pre-loaded options, so Leina would know to proceed with the poison plan. This new communicator version Yuan had given him before he left the base last time was really proving to be quite useful.

"You've been of use," Kvar said, finally. "Of course, if your information is false…you will not like the consequences."

Rai bowed his head, even as there was a knock on the door. "Your tea, Lord Kvar," came a muffled voice from the outside.

"Come in."

A Desian entered, carrying a tray. It wasn't Leina -- but Rai knew she would have orchestrated what she needed to. That woman was pure weaponized competence. As the tea was set in front of Kvar, he raised his eyebrows at Rai.

"Are you sure you don't want any?"

"You are too kind," Rai said smoothly. "No -- I'm afraid my stomach doesn't handle it well." He watched as Kvar lifted the cup to his lips and took a sip. Quite anti-climactic, really. At least the cyanide he had snagged from that shady merchant all the way back in Triet was finally getting some use. He was glad Leina had already hated Kvar -- she hadn't taken much convincing.

"Did you hear what happened to Magnius's ranch, incidentally?" Rai asked, and Kvar frowned, setting down his tea.

"It was destroyed, but under mysterious circumstances. I presume Magnius is dead." He glanced down at the tea. "A bit more bitter than usual, I must say. Perhaps you were wise to defer." He shook his head. "The service here is certainly taking a downturn."

"It seems that way," Rai agreed. "Quality control not quite what it should be, for a Cardinal."

Kvar looked at him. His gaze was slightly hazy, but there was a dawning confusion in his eyes. "What?"

Rai grinned. "I didn't expect it to be so easy to tamper with your tea," he said slowly, clearly, unable to help the thrill that ran through him at the widening of Kvar's eyes, the way he tried to stand and stumbled, falling back into his chair. The poison was certainly as quick as advertised.

"You -- " Kvar choked, his face pale. He started to reach under his desk, and Rai was on him in a flash, tackling him onto the ground by the throat, blood roaring in his ears, chair knocked over.

"No activating any emergency systems," he said. "That would be cheating, my Lord." Kvar was pulling at his hand where it squeezed his throat, but his pull was weak, laughably so. "You know," Rai continued conversationally, "nothing I said about Rodyle was a lie, if it makes you feel any better. He did steal your Angelus project. And plans to steal the remainder of your data once you're dead, I'm sure."

Fury and despair swirled in Kvar's eyes, even as his eyes began to stare, to glaze, and Rai knew the Cardinal's vision must be fading. "It's nothing too personal," Rai added, almost as an afterthought. "I considered keeping you alive, to help get rid of Rodyle. But…you were a little too cruel to Lloyd, you see." Kvar's mouth was moving, but he had no breath to speak. Rai tightened the hold on his throat. "Don't worry. I'll take care of Rodyle. Even if I'll be taking your precious exsphere myself."

Rai watched, not averting his gaze from the hate and hopelessness in Kvar's eyes as life finally left them. And then the Cardinal was gone, the powerful mana extinguished, the sharp intellect no longer there behind his narrowed eyes. Rai found that he did regret that.

He stood, leaving Kvar on the floor, and scooped up the exsphere from the desk. Then he strode over to the terminal in the corner of the room, pulling out the data device he'd received from Yuan. He hadn't lied -- he'd take all of Kvar's research data himself. He didn't want Rodyle getting his hands on it any more than Kvar did.

As he finished and pocketed the device, the door behind him burst open. Rai tensed, whirled around, then relaxed minutely. It was Lloyd, breathing fast, a fury in his eyes, tempered by a hint of relief when he saw Rai. Then his gaze went to Kvar on the ground and showed shock.

Behind him, some of the rest of the party burst into the room. They'd all managed to escape after all. Rai kept his eyes on Lloyd. "I killed him," he said simply. "I'm sorry I took your revenge away from you, Lloyd. But I have your exsphere back. We should get out of here."

Lloyd's face was blank as he stared at Kvar's body. "You…" he said, and trailed off. His voice was just as empty. Rai wondered if he was noting the purpling on Kvar's throat, the finger marks. He hadn't meant to leave such obvious evidence, but…

Rai strode over to Kvar's desk and glanced under it. Sure enough, a control panel -- including the self-destruct mechanism. "Have you already freed the rest of the prisoners?" he asked sharply.

Lloyd seemed to get ahold of himself. "…Yes. Sheena should be leading them out of the ranch now."

"Good. I'm going to trigger the self-destruct. Any objections?" Nobody said anything and Rai tripped it. "We can talk about whatever you want later," he continued wearily, getting back to his feet. "I'm sure you're wondering plenty of things. Let's get out of here first, all right?" He reached out to his hidden communicator again with his power, this time triggering the third stored message to Leina. Destruct triggered. Evacuate all operatives.

Rai stepped forward towards Lloyd, who was now staring at him, and picked up his hand. Lloyd didn't flinch as Rai set the exsphere gently back onto the key crest. "There," Rai said. "What's rightfully yours. Shouldn't let her sacrifice go to waste." Something flashed in Lloyd's eyes then, but Rai didn't have time to interrogate it now. He clapped a hand on Lloyd's shoulder as he passed, not making eye contact with the others standing close behind, all looking at Kvar's body. "Let's get out of here."

The party sat around the campfire near the ruined Luin, in near-silence. It felt reminiscent of the last time they'd destroyed a ranch, the air itself heavy.

It was Lloyd who finally moved, bringing his hand up and staring at his exsphere in the firelight. "This - this thing -"

His voice was raw, shaking. Rai shifted, both palms on the ground by his sides as he turned towards his friend.

"Lloyd," he said softly, but he could see the word hadn't reached him. Kratos stood a few paces away, leaning against a tree, his gaze shadowed.

"I don't know if I can use this," Lloyd said finally, his voice wooden. "The fact that it fed off my mom -- "

"And what about her sacrifice?" The question came from Kratos, who'd lifted his head unexpectedly. "Did she die in vain, Lloyd? And more importantly -- are you strong enough to protect others without it?"

Lloyd's fist clenched over his other hand, covering the exsphere. He said nothing. Around the campfire, Rai could see the others, examining their own exspheres, their expressions clouded. Only Aalissi lacked one, but she looked troubled where she sat in the corner, braiding her long hair over one shoulder. It looked dark in the firelight.

"Those who became exspheres…would want their suffering to mean something," Rai murmured, breaking the silence. "At least, that's what I would want. Rather than to be discarded, in the end."

Lloyd's eyes flashed as he turned to him. "How would you know?!" he demanded. "How it feels, to know that your own -- " His voice cracked.

Rai made up his mind. Abruptly, he pulled his shirt off over his head, ignoring the intakes of breath from around the fireplace. Lloyd's eyes widened. "Wh -- "

He let the gem set on his chest speak for itself, the color the precise shade of his eyes. "You all know there's more to me than what I say," he said quietly. "Well, here's one such secret. This exsphere of mine? It fed off my mother. So, no, you're not the only one, Lloyd."

Emotions warred in Lloyd's expression -- shock, sympathy, dawning understanding. "That's why you -- " He stopped. Then he reached out, letting his fingers brush across the exsphere, the surrounding skin. Rai shuddered involuntarily, feeling Lloyd's warm mana more acutely than ever through the heightened sensitivity around the gem.

"Yes," he said simply, not needing to hear the rest of Lloyd's statement. Part of him knew he should look around at the others, too, and survey their reactions to what he had just revealed, but he couldn't tear his gaze away from Lloyd, from the pain in his eyes.

"Why did you kill him?" Lloyd asked softly. "Like that."

Rai breathed in, slowly and purposefully. "He was going to cut you down to take that exsphere," he said bluntly. "I couldn't let him."

Lloyd's eyes fluttered shut for a moment, as though Rai's words had struck him. Then he opened them again. "So you got him alone?" he asked. His voice was still quiet. "Tricked him. And killed him, with your own hands around his throat?" There was no judgement in his voice, only question.

"He was strong," Rai said. "Strong enough that he could defeat you. Do you think I would have stood a chance just attacking him?"

"No," Lloyd said, unhesitating. "But I have a feeling you didn't need to strangle him, either."

"He -- " Rai's words caught in his throat and he forced them out angrily. "He hurt you. He made light of -- "

"I know." Lloyd paused, never looking away. "That's why, then?"

Rai broke eye contact first. "I…does it matter? He's dead now. And the prisoners are safe."

"It matters," Lloyd said softly. "I don't want you to dirty your soul for me, Rai."

He turned back, meeting Lloyd's gaze. "Then don't make situations where I have to," he said, a little sharply. "You reckless idiot."

Why was Lloyd smiling? Rai turned away, crossing his arms.

"You were undercover among the Desians at the Palmacosta Ranch," Raine said unexpectedly, reminding him that the others were still here, listening. Rai met her icy blue gaze over the flames. "As you told us in Luin. Is that why Kvar agreed to meet with you? You're still considered a Desian, even now?"

He'd hoped they wouldn't focus too hard on that. "Yes," he admitted. "The Desians believe I'm a spy within the Chosen's group."

There was an intake of breath from Genis. Rai ignored this. Raine didn't flinch. "And are you?"

Rai didn't look away. "I think you have enough information to know the answer yourself," he said flatly. "My answer won't change that."

Sheena spoke up, then. "I can't trust you, myself," she said. "But I'm setting that aside for now. I…I'd like to continue traveling with you all, for now." She addressed this to the rest of the group, not even looking at Rai. "I won't try to harm the Chosen again. I…this system, the Desians…it's wrong, all wrong."

He knew his conversation with her before, threat and assurance alike, was the real reason. As Raine nodded and said something back to Sheena, Rai turned back to Lloyd, uninterested, but felt a flush of heat when he realized that Lloyd's eyes hadn't moved off him.

Rai leaned closer to him, and Lloyd murmured, his gaze on the exsphere between Rai's collarbones, "You equipped it the night we reached Asgard, didn't you? That's why you didn't want me to see your chest. And why you were…drained, like you were. There's something dangerous about it."

Lloyd wasn't stupid, and Rai would do well not to forget that, no matter how idiotic he seemed at times. "Yes," he admitted. Lloyd reached out as though to touch the exsphere again, but stopped, and Rai realized he was disappointed. What was wrong with him? Then Lloyd reached for his hand instead, picking it up, examining it. Rai was too taken aback to resist.

"How is it," Lloyd said softly, "that these hands can be so graceful, and yet so lethal?" His thumb brushed over the tips of Rai's fingers, and Rai shifted where he sat.

"Lloyd -- "

"I should be disturbed," Lloyd continued. "Way more than I am. You know?"

"It's okay to be," Rai said, but Lloyd shook his head.

"I know. But…instead, all I can think about is…that you did it for me." He huffed, but there was little amusement. "Martel. There's something wrong with me."

Before Rai could respond, Lloyd's eyes were fixed on him again, though he hadn't let go of Rai's hand. "Did you choose that method on purpose?" Lloyd whispered. "Did you feel that much hate for him? Did you enjoy it, Rai?"

"What if I did?" Rai breathed. "Would that disturb you?"

Lloyd's eyes darkened. "Yes," he said. "And no." He shook his head. "It's wrong," he continued. "But…can I really judge? I would have killed him if I'd been strong enough. With my own swords."

"And that would have been completely justified," Rai insisted. His hand, where Lloyd held it, closed around Lloyd's. "He experimented on your mother. You would be well within your rights to do more than just kill him."

Lloyd breathed out, slowly. "And that's what makes you dangerous," he said. His eyes glinted with something unreadable. "But not to me. Right?"

Rai's mouth wouldn't move, but he squeezed Lloyd's hand, and that seemed to be answer enough. Lloyd held on for a beat longer before releasing him, turning back towards the fire. Rai did the same, breathing again.

Despite the complexity, he knew he would do it all over again.

Chapter Text

The Tower of Mana was impressively tall - enough that it had Rai wondering how the people of Sylvarant could possibly have built such a skyscraper-esque structure. A byproduct of a lost age.

The thousands of books that lined the walls had intrigued him too, but the more he looked through them, the more he realized that anything interesting must have been purged, replaced by Cruxis revisionist history. He went on looking, knowing that at the very least, Boltzmann's book should be here.

He knelt down to survey the lowest shelves, bracing a hand on the cold stone floor. He was a little surprised that the party had allowed him to stay behind while they tackled the seal this time. He knew Raine, in particular, was exceedingly suspicious. But maybe she thought he was better in the party than driven away. And it seemed like she did still tentatively believe he hadn't truly betrayed them - just that he was playing a dangerous game.

Lloyd, on the other hand...

Rai sighed, running his fingers over the spines of the tomes. Lloyd had obviously been uncertain, shocked, maybe even horrified at the evidence that Rai had gotten Kvar alone in his office and then strangled him to death. There was no way Lloyd fully trusted him, which was probably for the best, given what was coming. And yet...

He absentmindedly ran his fingers over the exsphere below his throat, biting his lip for a moment. Then he shook his head, refocusing. Books. Not Lloyd.

A dark red, almost black leather-bound book stood out to him, and he pulled it out. The words were in old Elvish, which should have disappointed him, given he couldn't read it - but instead, he grinned. This meant it might be older than the establishment of Mithos's new world, or close to it. Flipping through, he realized it was some sort of book of magic - of ritual - diagrams of circles and sacrifices. Probably something that edged the realm of demonic - old magics better off not revisited. Unhesitatingly, he slipped it into his bag. As he did so, he felt an odd shiver down his spine, and shook it off.

He finally reached the last and only shelf he hadn't reviewed yet; near the end of it he found Boltzmann's book. He rolled his eyes as he pulled it off the shelf, brushing off a thick layer of dust. Of course it had to be the last place he looked. He glanced through, and it was all healing spells, advanced techniques. They relied heavily on care - healing intent. Rai was starting to think he'd have to give up on learning any himself. He'd give the book to Raine. At least then she could better protect Lloyd.

"I see we have a scholar, here," came an amused tone from behind him, echoing in the large space. Rai whirled around, recognizing the cool mana immediately, and strode towards Alai, who was leaning against the doorway, his long hair tied up for once, watching him intently.

"Not much of a reader yourself?" Rai asked.

Alai shrugged. "I had to read a lot, growing up," he said. "Part of my education.  But...for fun? No." His eyes gleamed. "You, though - I have a feeling if so many things weren't pulling you in so many directions - maybe you'd just stick your nose right in a book and never come out."

"I think," Rai said softly, taking a step closer, "you might be underestimating how much danger draws me in."

Something shifted in Alai's eyes. He didn't move away. "Danger like flinging yourself in harm's way to protect me?" he murmured. The tone was deceptively casual. Rai forced himself not to break eye contact.

"He really would have killed you," he said. "Why...why were you so distracted, Alai? It isn't like you."

Alai took a moment to respond, flicking his long hair back, where it hung from the tie at his crown, exposing the curve of his neck. He looked more vulnerable than usual, like this. "I...didn't expect them to be quite that ruthless. To raze Luin outright. I may be a cold bastard, but...it's not something I take great pleasure in."

"And that was enough for you to let down your guard?" Rai pressed. Alai's gaze flitted, for a split second, to Rai's finger, and something dawned on him.

Rai let a hint of the mana from the ring flood him, then reached out and touched Alai's face with his fingers. The way Alai shivered and briefly closed his eyes told him all he needed to know.

"You're the one who dropped this in Luin," Rai accused. "And...this mana isn't yours, but it belongs to someone related to you. I feel traces of you in it. You were there looking for this, weren't you?"

Alai sighed. "No point in denying it. It belonged to my mother."

Rai tamped down on his surprise. For some reason, he could hardly imagine this guy even having a mother. He made to pull the ring off his finger, to return it to Alai, but froze as Alai's hand on his stopped him.

"No. Keep it," Alai said softly. "I...I think it's better that way."

What? "I can't keep your mother's ring," Rai argued. "I can feel the protective instinct in the mana. It - "

Alai's red gaze burned into him. "I can't accept that woman's protection," he insisted. "It's how I lost the ring in the first place - carrying it around in my pocket, unable to wear it. And...you saved my life back in Luin. It's only fitting."

Rai swallowed. Uncomfortable as it was, if this was Alai's choice… He nodded. "I'll keep it safe," he said quietly. 

Alai strode inside, taking a seat on one of the large chairs that lay scattered about, and Rai followed, one hand on his hip, bemused. "You aren't worried about my group returning?"

Alai shrugged, glancing up at him as he pulled his glossy length of tied hair over one shoulder, keeping it from catching behind his back. "Not really. They saw me in Luin, saw you take my side. I presume whatever story you spun, it involves an explanation of our entanglement. And that group of yours has far too many powerful magic users - we'll feel them coming from a mile away."

Rai sat in the chair opposite him, crossing his legs. "You reported the Luin events to Lord Yuan, I assume?"

"Of course." Alai looked a little subdued. "And...got grilled a bit, admittedly. 'What are you to him? I trust you know not to become too involved, considering your position'." This last, he pronounced in a surprisingly good imitation of Yuan's haughty tones.

Rai half-laughed. "You know, I was getting the same from Kratos. 'That man. What is he to you?'"

Alai's gaze pinned him. "What's the answer?"

Rai leaned back in his chair. "...Getting serious, I see. I don't quite know how to answer that. You're fun to work with. But more than that, you're important to my vision of the future. I told you last time, Alai - your faction's culture and research surrounding mana - it's exactly what the world will need."

Alai's eyes were sharp, knowing. "And you thought through all of that when you saved me?"

Rai exhaled, a little shakily. "Maybe not. Am I not allowed to want you alive?"

They were quiet for a moment. Then Alai murmured, "Perhaps Yuan wasn't too off-base with his warnings."

"Planning to ask to be re-assigned?"

Alai looked back at him. "...No." The understatement hung in the air between them.

Rai stood, the silence suffocating. "Let's go for a walk." He headed for the door without waiting, but heard Alai's footfalls after him, clacking on the hard floor. As he exited the Tower, he saw that it was dark. But...

It was night, late enough that the moon was high in the sky, the sky a canopy of stars. They were far enough from civilization that out here, with no torches burning, no fire...it ought to be pitch black. Instead...

He blinked staring out over the trees. Though colors were gone, he could see. Much too far. Far too well.

Akira?

Yeah. His past self sounded grim. I think this exsphere was more than we bargained for. Well...we knew that. But...we should probably think about a better key crest.

"Rai?" It was Alai, who had stopped behind him where he'd frozen in the doorway, putting a hand on his shoulder. Rai started a little at the oddity of hearing his own name on this man's lips, and at the sensation of his familiar mana, cold and warm against his shoulder.

"Sorry," Rai said, and stepped forward. Alai exited and brought a light out of his pocket, one of the Renegades' devices. Rai blinked at it. Strangely, it cast a halo that allowed a gradient of color, but otherwise didn't change what he could see.

They walked, steps quiet on the packed earth. It was eerily quiet - no sound of insects or small animals - and chillier than Rai had expected. He rubbed his arms and Alai glanced over, himself clad in a long cloak, though the hood was down. "You really stay pretty exposed, don't you?"

"Maybe I shouldn't," Rai admitted. "I just…wearing too many clothes feels like an irritant to my mana sense. I don’t like being blind." Even more so now, he didn't add. After it expanded.

Alai looked amused. "That's interesting. Clothes dampen it a little, but not much. You really are a creature of sensation, aren't you?" The question was teasing, dripping with underlying meaning, even as he flared his own mana out. Though it wasn't quite like when they'd taken the enhancer, Rai felt that cool power again, intoxicating as it always was, and shivered.

"You're not making me any warmer," he pointed out, and Alai laughed.

"So that's how you experience my power?"

Rai stopped, facing him. "Cold. Like a deep sea."

Alai let the hand holding the light dip down lower, casting shadows. His eyes appeared nearly black in the moonlight as his gaze dipped across Rai's skin, down to where his exsphere was hidden under his clothes. "Yours is warm," he murmured. "Effortlessly powerful. Impossible to ignore."

Rai swallowed. "Was it the enhancer? That made us...attuned, to each other. Like this."

The taller man's gaze flicked back up, tracing his throat, his face. "Perhaps. We could always try it again. See what happens."

A thrill of anticipation rushed through him, and he forced it away, tightening his shoulders. That would be far too dangerous. So why was it that part of him could hardly wait?

Remember what Aalissi said, Akira warned. Rai felt a chill. Pairs, she had called them. He stepped back from Alai, crossing his arms deliberately. Alai looked knowing.

"Have you heard of something called 'Pairs'?" Rai asked, partly against his better judgment.

Alai started walking again, and Rai fell in beside him. "…Yes. An old elven myth. I highly doubt it corresponds to anything real. Why?"

"You noticed the elf in the Chosen's group, right?" Rai pressed. There was no way Alai hadn't - she stuck out like a butterfly among moths. "She…she seemed to think…"

He paused, but he knew Alai had already put the pieces together. Alai stopped again, giving a quick, incredulous exhale. "Really? She assumed that about us? We aren't elves."

"She seemed to imply it," Rai confirmed. "I don’t know if she sensed something about our mana. But…we connected through that enhancer before…and I'm also carrying your mother's mana in this ring. Hard to know how much that might have affected her perception."

Alai shook his head, but turned to look at Rai again, considering. "Maybe I should test the enhancer with someone else. I wonder…"

Rai ignored the irrational annoyance that bubbled up. "You should."

A slight grin. "Is that irritation I hear?"

Rai rolled his eyes. "Please. You'll have to report back." He let his gaze become more serious, stepping a little closer. "Whether their mana is really as impossible to ignore as mine."

Alai's gaze searched his, then he put a hand on his hip. "…I'll be sure to let you know. Somehow, I doubt it." There was a pause, and then Alai continued, "I should probably, at some point, give you the actual update I was sent to give you."

Rai only lifted his chin, waiting, and Alai continued, "Lord Yuan will be watching the ritual at the Tower of Salvation along with Yggdrasill. And…Lord Botta, and some of the other highest rankers - Leina included - will be on standby, in case the Chosen needs to be killed, kidnapped, or the ritual otherwise interrupted." He paused, but Rai gave no reaction to this. "And…I won't be there. " For once, there was no playful gleam, no levity in his eyes. "Rai…I may not know much about you, but having learned you grew up in Cruxis…what will it mean when Yggdrasill sees you there?"

"I'm not sure," Rai admitted. "You might have guessed, but he's probably not aware of it, yet. He might not react well when he finds out. But…he wouldn't kill me on the spot…I don't think…"

Alai sighed, raking a hand through his hair. "Martel. I'm going to tell Leina to be ready to intervene at the drop of the hat. You're far more reckless than you should be."

"Where will you be?" Rai asked, and Alai crossed his arms again.

"In Tethe'alla. I have connections to the nobility there, too - but it's a real pain keeping those up."

He's even more valuable than I realized.

"Good luck," Rai said aloud. "I'm sure things at the Tower will be…handled, one way or another. There'll be so many powerful people there, I doubt everything will go completely sideways." Or maybe it would, for precisely that reason…

"Well - don't die before I can test our mana again," Alai warned, a superficial playfulness back in his voice. "I haven't found anything this interesting in a while. Don't spoil my fun, eh?"

Rai grinned, radiating confidence he didn't feel. "I won't."

When Colette came to, blinking her eyes, she was initially confused. She couldn't sleep anymore, so why -

Then the memories came rushing back - the fourth seal, the tower, the battle. And collapsing as they exited the seal, that familiar pain spreading through her body.

She sat up and realized Lloyd had been sitting on the ground next to her bedroll. He must have been watching over her, but had dozed off while sitting, his head hunched uncomfortably. When she shifted he jolted awake, his brown eyes alarmed.

"Colette! You're awake. Thank Martel. Are you okay?" He sounded less certain, more subdued than usual. She opened her mouth to respond, and…couldn't.

Her throat hurt, and she put a hand up to it, but realized no matter how much she tried, no matter what she wanted to say, it wouldn't pass her lips. She felt tears starting to form in her eyes - it was too much, too cruel - and blinked them away aggressively. She smiled at Lloyd.

"…Colette?" The pain, the fear in his voice hurt her, like shards of glass embedded in her chest, and she forced herself to take a shuddering breath, bracing herself against it. "Say something," he begged. She smiled wider, shook her head. What else could she do?

The next moment Lloyd had crushed her in a hug, but she could feel him shaking, even as his strong arms enveloped her. "I'm sorry," he murmured, and she wished she could tell him he had nothing to be sorry for, that his being here was the only thing that kept her going. She glanced up over Lloyd's shoulder and saw other party members sitting up, staring at her, sadness and horror battling in their faces. Only Rai seemed unperturbed, leaning against a tree in a far corner, away from the others. When she met his gaze, though, he gave her a nod, something close to respect - maybe understanding? - in his eyes, and that made her feel, if not better, at least grounded - like not all was truly lost.

She hugged Lloyd back, burying her face in his neck, and inhaled his familiar, comforting scent. Once they reached the Tower, she might never see him again. If there was anything that might have made her stop the Journey, more than losing her taste, sensation, even her voice - it was that.

But even as she entertained it, she knew stopping wasn't an option. This was what she was meant to do.

Martel, give me strength.

The group had been subdued ever since they'd left the Tower of Mana. Rai knew Colette losing her voice had hit hard for everyone - more than anything else, an unmistakable sign of what this Journey was doing to her, what she was sacrificing. Lloyd had spent all day near her, attending to her, but when they finally stopped for the evening in the cliffs near Hima, he followed Rai to where he'd stepped away from the group, wanting to escape their distrusting glances if even for a moment.

Rai sighed, putting his hands in his pockets, and turned to meet Lloyd. "What is it?"

Lloyd fixed him with a serious gaze. "Rai. I trust you."

Rai was breathless, and then hot fury bubbled up within him. What was with Lloyd just spouting lines like this all the time? Wasn't this the same thing he'd said to Zelos in-game? It was essentially manipulative. With someone professing trust like that, it would be difficult for most people to continue their betrayal.

"Prove it," he said lowly. He saw raw surprise in Lloyd's eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"You can't actually trust me," Rai snapped. "I saw your doubt back there, at the ranch. Your horror. And…it was justified. Just…stop lying. I don't need that reassurance."

To his extreme annoyance, understanding filled Lloyd's eyes, something close to pity. Like he thought he knew something Rai didn't and felt sorry for him.

"Rai." 

Rai turned away, refusing to look at the swordsman anymore. He didn't want to see that hateful expression.

"Rai, look at me." Lloyd caught at his arm, forcing him to turn back that way. Rai felt nauseous at the compassion that Lloyd was practically radiating. Lloyd's next words, however, managed to surprise him.

"You're right," Lloyd said, no trace of hesitation in his voice. "I did doubt. Have doubted. I've been afraid that you would betray us. I've wondered about your darker impulses. I'm only human. I'm not perfect." He took a breath and continued before Rai could interject. "But - I want to trust you, Rai. I know you're not a bad person, regardless of what anyone else might think. So...I decided to trust you."

As often seemed to happen when he was facing Lloyd, Rai found himself with nothing to say. How could someone just...decide to come to a certain conclusion? With no proof? That was like saying, "I wish gravity didn't exist, so I decided I'll believe it doesn't from now on." You just couldn't do things like that.

Lloyd held his gaze for a few more heartbeats as if trying to figure out Rai's thoughts, his brown eyes resolute. Then his hands went to his belt, where he detached his swords. Letting the left one clatter to the ground, he unsheathed the other and pressed the hilt into Rai's hand.

"W-what - " Rai stammered, feeling any semblance of articulacy leave him as Lloyd stepped closer, guiding Rai's wrist until Rai had the flat of the naked blade pressed against Lloyd's throat.

Lloyd closed his eyes.

"If you want to kill me, now's your chance," he said simply. "But I know you won't. I trust you, Rai."

…

There was no question about what to do next. Even if Rai had wanted to kill him - which he didn't in particular - he couldn't kill Lloyd. Lloyd was necessary for the plot, for events to play out the way they were supposed to. If Lloyd died, it would make things far too difficult. Rai had never entertained thoughts of killing him.

But Lloyd didn't know all of that. Even when he must be unsure of Rai's true intentions, he was still willing to place his life in Rai's hands.

Rai found that his hand was trembling and he immediately lowered the sword, afraid he would end up turning it and cutting Lloyd on accident. How was it that Lloyd could believe in him more than Rai believed in himself?

When he glanced back up, Lloyd was looking at him with a smile. "See? I knew you wouldn't do it."

"But that - that doesn't prove anything," Rai stammered, aware that his thoughts were a total mess. "I could just be trying to trick you - "

He cut himself off as Lloyd pulled him into a hug, knocking the sword into the grass at their feet. The swordsman didn't react when Rai tried halfheartedly to push him away, except to tighten his grip. "I'm sorry," Lloyd murmured. "I know it must be really hard for you, with everyone suspecting you like this. And yeah, I get what you're saying. I know this doesn't give me any of the proof you like so much. But guess what? I don't care. Maybe you are trying to trick me. If so, then fine, I've just been tricked. I believe in you. If that gets me killed, then so be it. You've already saved my life many times over. It's the decision I've made and I'll stand by it."

Rai was still shaking and he cursed his weakness. Why was it that time and time again, it was Lloyd who saw his fear and uncertainty? If Lloyd ever wanted to, he had more than enough leverage to blackmail Rai into almost anything. That's the point, though, Akira said, subdued. He wouldn't want to do that. Obviously he trusts you.

Could Rai really believe that? What if he was wrong?

He still couldn't understand why Lloyd trusted him. Rai couldn't promise even to himself that he would never choose to harm any of his companions. Depending on the gravity of the situation, he might choose to kill even Genis, though he had a sick feeling in his stomach at the thought. He wasn't like Lloyd, who could be counted on never to make certain decisions, regardless of other factors.

He didn't think he could ever return the level of trust Lloyd was showing him. 

Rai didn’t deserve it.

Chapter Text

Raine breathed deeply from where she sat on the cliff overlooking Hima, with fields of green, forests, visible beyond. Her breath solidified into a cloud when she exhaled, stiff in the cold air.

They'd arrived earlier in the day and had managed to secure the services of a merchant who touted dragon rides, which had been convenient enough. Plans had been made to leave for the Tower of Salvation the following day. They were close, now, to their ultimate goal.

So why did her chest feel so heavy?

She folded her legs under her, crossing them, and rested her wrists on her knees, shutting her eyes for a moment. The true nature of the Regeneration…she had known for some time that Colette becoming an angel meant dying, but that didn't make it any easier to swallow.

And what the assassin had shared with her…about the existence of another world…one which would be destroyed if the Regeneration were to be completed…

"Raine."

She opened her eyes, feeling Rai's familiar mana signature. She didn't respond, but he stepped over, sitting down next to her near the cliff.

"Thinking?" he asked finally. She turned to look at him. He looked more tired than usual, his cheeks ever-pale, green eyes dull.

"Yes," she said. "About more things than one. There is much I've wanted to ask you, Rai - so much that you've been hiding. But now, on the eve of the Regeneration…I'm not sure it's the time to ask."

He looked understanding in a way that he almost never did, with her. "I know I've worried you," he said. "You're trying to make sure this Journey goes well. Things I've done have…flown in the face of that. I do regret making things harder for you."

"But you don't regret doing it," she said, and he didn't deny it. She sighed. "I should at least ask this. Your new exsphere?"

He shifted. "…Yes. It…it was awakened on my mother. An elf."

Raine couldn't help but be surprised at this. How would an elf have ended up in a human ranch? Wasn't that where exspheres were made?

"It's complicated," he said, as though reading her mind. He sighed. "Raine, I - this world is more twisted than one might ever suspect. And don't try to get me to tell you more - I can't, not now. But…be ready. And…I'm sorry."

She inhaled sharply, her cold rationality for once not enough. How could he just say something like that and expect her to simply accept it? But she knew that if he had decided he couldn't tell her something, he wouldn't. Arguing wouldn't help. "You're implying something about what will happen tomorrow," she said slowly. "Something about the nature of the Regeneration itself. But what could be worse than…" She stopped. She'd almost revealed Colette's secret.

"Than Colette dying?" he asked wryly, and she felt her heart stutter. So he'd known that much. …Of course he had. "You'll find out in due time. But Raine…please know…everything I do, have done…I'm trying to do the right thing. In my own way. Even if it doesn't always seem like it."

Before she could say anything in response, he stood, dusting off his legs. He clapped a hand on her shoulder. "Thank you," he said. "For everything."

Nonplussed, she stared at him as he walked away.

As Rai walked back down the slope, he saw Genis seated at the edge of a small pond, his toes dangling above the water. Rai strode over.

"How are you holding up?" he asked his brother, who started, then glanced at him with his innocent blue eyes.

"Okay, I guess," Genis said. "Everyone's been kind of down, of course. And there's how Colette lost her voice. I guess becoming an angel isn't all fun, huh?"

Rai sat down next to him. "Maybe not. …Had you made any progress on that elven research, by the way?"

Genis shrugged. "There's been so much going on - so not much. I did manage to find a few books in Asgard and a few more in the Tower of Mana. So I have a few guesses on where the elves might be - likely either somewhere on the island in the northwest, which is uninhabited as far as anyone knows, or in the highlands surrounding the Ossa trail. But that's as far as I got, really."

Rai was genuinely impressed despite himself. His brother had managed to narrow it down more than he had, and that was by research alone - he didn't have the same access to intelligence Rai had through the Renegades. "I'm surprised at you, little brother," he said. "That you got that far. That's…quite helpful, in fact."

Genis sighed, not looking at him. "Thanks. But it feels a little hollow right now. "

They were quiet for a while. Then Genis said, "So…you've got an exsphere from your mom as well?"

He should've known Genis's mind would go there, too. "…Yeah. She was an elf, but the exsphere was awakened on her, anyway."

He saw his brother's shoulders stiffen, and knew he was thinking through the implications. "When did you find out?" he asked.

"Around the time we were at Asgard."

The gears were turning visibly in Genis's mind. "That was when you fell sick of mana exhaustion," he said slowly. "Did that have to do with the exsphere?"

"Yes," Rai said. There was no harm in admitting this. Not now. "It…it ended up having a stronger effect than I was expecting."

"So that's why your mana's felt different since then," Genis sighed. "Stronger - warmer. I thought I was just imagining it."

"Is that all you wanted to ask?" Rai pressed, and Genis pulled his legs up away from the pool, turning to face him.

"No. What about the Renegades? So they oppose the Desians? Is that all there is to it?"

Rai met his brother's gaze squarely. "They do oppose the Desians. I'm sure you got a certain feeling when you met Alai several times - that he wasn't quite the same in philosophy as them."

Genis didn't flinch. "Maybe not. But he obviously sees humans as beneath him."

That…was probably true, actually, of Alai. "I never said he was perfect."

His brother shook his head, expression resigned. "Rai, I know you're still not telling us everything. Whatever it is - is it something that's going to hurt us, when we find out?"

Breathing was hard, all of a sudden. He forced himself not to look away. "It's hard for me to answer that," he said slowly. "Genis, I - I said this to Raine, too, but - please know that…everything I've done, will do…it's in the service of a good cause. Please believe that."

Dread was bleeding into Genis's eyes as he stared at him. "What are you saying?"

Rai held his gaze. "I'm sorry," he said. "For all the lies I've told. For all the trouble I've caused you. For all the sleeping spells -"

"Idiot brother," Genis said, but his voice shook. "They stopped working on me a long time ago."

He couldn't help the fond smile. "I know." He swallowed. "Genis - thank you. For caring. For wanting to know. For…for everything."

"Why are you saying it like that?" Genis was shaking, and he braced his hands beside him, leaning forward. "Rai, why does this sound like a goodbye?"

He made himself grin. "Hey, you're easily fooled. I wanted to see how you'd react if I was serious for a change. It's just - the Tower - it's a big step, you know? We never know what'll happen. That's all."

Genis was still staring at him with that same look, but then he sighed, leaning back. "…Okay. But if you're lying, I won't forgive you," he warned.

Rai's mouth laughed, and his hand moved to run through his hair, but inside, he felt only cold.

Rai stared up at the sky. Pitch black.

But when he lowered his gaze - he could see.

Nothing was the same anymore - not others, not himself.

He'd been telling the Renegades that he could nudge Lloyd into intervening, maybe preventing Colette from becoming an angel. But after thinking about it more…

It was probably better if she did become one. Only then would it truly hit home that Cruxis was the enemy. And only then would Colette gain the full powers of an angel. She'd regain herself, of course - her soul and memories, if he remembered the phrasing right - once an appropriate key crest was found. And the group was more than capable of doing that research, just as they had in-game.

Plus, if she became an angel, that'd protect her from the Renegades killing her. Which was also a possibility he wouldn't put past Yuan, despite the arguments Rai had made against it.

Of course, Mithos couldn't be allowed to take her up to Cruxis, to resurrect Martel. But as long as Botta showed up before that, like he was supposed to…

"Rai."

He glanced up and saw Kratos, his expression unreadable in the dark.

"…Yes?"

"Things won't be the same after tomorrow," the older man warned. "And when Mithos sees you - "

"I know," Rai sighed. "We've got the backstory, right? We'll just have to do what we can. Hell, this Tower of Salvation thing is going to be one huge powder keg, isn't it?"

"I won't be able to openly act on your side," Kratos warned.

"I know that. Well - even I won't be able to openly act on the group's side, that's the trouble. Making Mithos think I'm truly against him, right when he finds out I'm alive - that would be suicide. But what of your allegiances, Kratos? Are you truly on his side? Do you want Martel to be revived?"

Kratos hesitated. Then he said, "I am still loyal to Cruxis. But if harm is going to come to you, or to Lloyd, then…" He paused. "I cannot say."

"So if I try to prevent the resurrection…" Rai trailed off.

Kratos folded his arms. "You'll have to defeat me."

Rai sighed, leaning back on his hands. "Fuck. Well, I guess it's good you've been training me, huh? But once you bring out your wings, I'm sure you're harder to fight. Damn, you're really doing this? You're going to fight both your sons?"

Kratos said nothing, and Rai rubbed his eyes. He suddenly felt exhausted, like the weight of the world was pushing on his shoulders. "Okay," he said. "Well, I hope you think long and hard about whether Mithos is really sane, though. And what you're going to do after this. Assuming we manage to thwart the ritual, anyway. I guess, if you manage to resurrect Martel, then…you win."

"Are the Renegades planning something?" Kratos asked.

Rai actually laughed. "Do you really think I'm going to answer that, after you just admitted you're still going to act in line with Cruxis?"

There was another short silence. Then Kratos said, "Do not underestimate the emotional toll this will take, son."

Rai laughed again, helpless. "Oh, don't worry, I'm not. But I have no choice."

After he was done talking with Kratos, Rai went looking for Aalissi. It didn't take long before he found her - not too far from the exit of town, in a nearby isolated spring. He sensed her mana before he saw her, so when he got closer and saw that she was bathing, her long hair heavy with water, swirling around her, but doing nothing to hide the expanses of porcelain skin, he immediately averted his gaze, even as their eyes met.

"Sorry," he said, walking a bit closer, but kept his eyes fixed on the trees to the left of the pond, not looking anywhere near her. "I…I wanted to talk to you before the Tower tomorrow. But if now's not a good time - "

"Rai," Aalissi said, and her voice was soft but amused. "You don't have to keep avoiding my gaze."

"But you're - " he protested.

She laughed. "I forget how different human customs are from ours. There is nothing to be ashamed of."

"Maybe for you," he muttered, but made himself look at her again, focusing pointedly on her face. He moved closer, sitting down on a nearby rock. "Enjoying the water?"

"Yes. It is surprisingly refreshing, especially compared to that pile of dust that is Hima."

He laughed despite himself. "Wow, a bit of sarcasm, huh? I suppose even elves can get fed up of traveling."

She ran her hands through her hair, pulling it over one shoulder as she wet it through to the tips. He realized he was following her movements and shut his eyes for a moment, willing himself to focus. "Aalissi - you know what happens tomorrow, right?"

"The Chosen sacrifices herself," Aalissi confirmed. "Part of a ritual to revive the Goddess Martel, from what I understand. Though I don't quite know how that connects to…the world - the worlds."

He nodded, made himself look back at her face, her amused violet gaze. "Yes. I had considered the idea of stopping the ritual entirely. But…I think it's in our best interest to let it continue…to a point. We need to ensure Cruxis doesn't take Colette with them, but we can allow her to release the seal. That way, she'll undergo the full angel transformation, and become nearly indestructible. There's a way to restore her heart and memories with the right knowledge, after all."

"You know much," Aalissi observed. She waded through the water in his direction, and it took a great deal of effort for him to keep his gaze above her neck. It was a good thing he wasn't prone to blushing.

"…Yes. Are you on board? I know you're…a little fond of Colette."

She stepped out of the water, picking up a towel laid out on a nearby stone. "Perhaps, but I think your reasoning is sound. And there is more at stake than just her…though it does sadden me, to put her through this."

"Then I need you to take a backseat during the confrontation tomorrow," Rai said. He stared out over the water so that he didn't have to look at her. "Let Lloyd lead. Help with any fights if needed. The Renegades should intervene - should take us and Colette before Cruxis can take her with them. That'll be enough."

"I can do that," she said. She laughed. "You can look at me now, Rai. I'm wearing clothes."

He turned to face her, disgruntled. "You're a little evil, you know that?"

She smiled. "I am aware."

There was a pause, and the atmosphere sobered in degrees. Rai sighed. "This isn't going to be pleasant," he confessed, and Aalissi's eyes were knowing.

"Yes. I don't enjoy this type of play either," she said quietly, strapping on her sandals. "But…this world is twisted. So twisted. Sometimes…that which appears evil is not so. And those who know…have no choice but to live with that."

Rai didn't know what sort of terrible, masochistic thought process would have made him wander out towards Hima's cliff at this moment, but for some reason he did it anyway.

So now he was standing with his back to the cliff wall and listening to Lloyd talk to Colette, even though he knew full well he shouldn't be privy to this.

"Colette, you - " Lloyd's voice was trembling hard. Rai swallowed. "Your voice - "

There was a short silence and Rai knew Colette was probably conveying something to him. 

"'I'm sorry?'" Lloyd managed to read out. "I - Colette - " His voice broke, thickening, and Rai felt a horrible twisting in his chest. "I'm so sorry - you were suffering so much, and all I was thinking about was myself - I couldn't protect you - "

Lloyd was crying now, Rai could hear it, and he knew he should walk away but he couldn't get his frozen limbs to move.

Finally, after listening to Lloyd's strangled sobs for a few moments, he took a few steps up the pathway until he could see what was going on, his new vision supplying a clear image even in the darkness. Colette held Lloyd as he cried, the two of them impossibly close.

Quietly, Rai walked away.

Despite how tired he was, Rai lay in bed for what felt like hours, unable to sleep. Finally, when he was just about to drift off, he heard the sound of someone entering the room and opened his eyes slightly. Lloyd - finally returning. How could he have spent this long out on the cliff with Colette? He must be freezing.

Rai didn't move as he listened to Lloyd undress, wash up. Eventually the swordsman got into the bed, slowly, quietly, as though trying his utmost not to wake Rai. Not wanting to talk, Rai stayed quiet, keeping his eyes closed. Lloyd settled in on the other side of the bed, and just then, everything was silent. But Rai could sense something - motion? He strained his senses, trying to pinpoint it, and then realized - it was Lloyd, quaking silently, the slight reverberations felt through the mattress. Rai turned towards him, and his accursed new night vision showed him clearly - Lloyd lying with his back to Rai, but shaking, and - Rai realized far too late - crying, softly.

This wasn't supposed to happen. Lloyd was supposed to cry it out in Colette's arms and be done. Why was he doing this, here and now?

Rai should just ignore this, and go to sleep. He should -

He cursed his own weakness as he reached out against his will, putting his hand on Lloyd's shoulder. Cold, as he'd expected - from being outside that long. Lloyd didn't react, and presently, Rai moved closer, putting his arms around him. Lloyd gave a shuddering gasp, then went quiet, like he was trying to make sure no more sounds escaped. "Sorry," he heard his friend whisper. "I - I didn't want to wake you - "

"Shut up," Rai whispered fiercely and buried his face in the back of Lloyd's tank top. "Just…shut up."

Chapter Text

When Lloyd jolted awake, he felt oddly warm, even as his heart raced. Today was the day. The final seal. And who knew what Colette would have to give up next? His stomach twisted, but his tears had dried up—and the time for that had passed. He needed to be strong, and stand up to whatever the day brought.

He tried to move and realized there was a warm body curled against his back. With the motion, the person stirred, looping a hand over Lloyd's side. Gently, Lloyd tugged at Rai's hand just enough to roll over to face him. The half-elf didn't seem fully awake yet, though he shifted again at the disturbance. He looked exhausted, his face pale in the morning light. His exsphere was visible on his bare chest, set at his sternum, and hardly thinking, Lloyd reached towards it, letting his fingers brush it.

Rai's body jerked at that, and his eyes fluttered open, hazy but quickly focusing on Lloyd. Lloyd half expected him to move away, to immediately put distance between them, but instead Rai just looked at him, weary.

"How are you feeling?" Rai asked him, even though Lloyd felt he was the one who should be asking this.

"Fine, "Lloyd managed. "Not great—but fine. I have to be strong."

"For Colette?" Rai's voice was soft. As he said it, he reached a hand out casually, placing it at Lloyd's waist. The touch burned. Lloyd wasn't sure why he didn't shrug it away.

"Yeah. And…for you."

Inexplicably, shock, anger, then hurt flashed in Rai's eyes, faster than Lloyd could ponder them. He felt a need to explain himself. "I know you know more than you can say," Lloyd said simply. "And this has been hard on you, too. I can see it."

Rai shut his eyes, letting out a shuddering breath. "You fucking idiot."

Lloyd wanted to crush him into a hug, but managed to stop himself. "Do you think, just because you don't cry, I don't see you hurting?" he murmured.

Rai huffed, then moved forward suddenly and threaded his arms around Lloyd, squeezing hard enough to hurt, their bodies pressed together. Rai was warmer than he looked. Lloyd froze. This, he hadn't expected. It wasn't Rai. But he couldn't move, couldn't react, as Rai said softly, "Thank you, Lloyd. And I'm so sorry. For everything that happened—for everything that will happen. Follow your heart, your instincts. They're right, more right than you know. "

He held Rai by the shoulders and pushed him back so he could look at his face. "What the hell do you mean by that?" He couldn't help the tremor in his voice. But the softness—the openness—in Rai's green eyes was gone, replaced by resignation. He pulled himself gently from Lloyd's grasp, rolling out of bed.

"Come on. It's time to go."

Lloyd willed his legs to stop shaking, but he couldn't stop the cold dread, couldn't tear his gaze away from the endless rows and rows, the coffins, floating in space all around the bridge. They stood in a cosmic graveyard. "What the hell—" he started shakily, then swallowed.

"The past failed Chosen, I presume," Raine said. Her voice was even, and he couldn't see her expression.

He'd known there had been Chosen who'd failed the Journey in the past. But to see it like this—scores of bodies, alone, unmarked—tossed into this space without fanfare…

"Are you saying," Lloyd bit out, "that if Colette fails, this is where she'll end up?"

Raine didn't answer—she didn't have to. He looked away from the coffins and nearly tripped as he scrambled to race across the bridge. It didn't matter—he needed to get to the Tower. Every second he spent here was time wasted, time he wasn't there to protect Colette.

It seemed like all the others had already arrived, their dragons making it here first. Lloyd dashed through the door at the end of the long path, a raised dais coming into view. Atop it knelt Colette. He felt sick as he stopped short, staring at her, even though he didn't know why. This was what they were here for. For Colette to release the last seal. For Colette to regenerate the world.

"Lloyd," came a soft voice. It was Genis, with Sheena and Aalissi close by him. Rai stood there as well, arms crossed, expression unreadable. He didn't even look at Lloyd. Kratos was nowhere to be seen.

Then a light shone from above, and Remiel was there, haughty as ever, arms crossed as he looked down on Colette. "Now, my daughter," he said, but his voice was cold. "Release the final seal! In doing so, you will complete the final sacrifice of your human existence—your heart and your memories. By doing so of your own free will, you will become a true angel!"

What?

Lloyd heart dropped into his stomach, and he couldn't feel his fingertips, couldn't hear anything through the roaring in his ears. Muffled, from beside him, he heard Genis say, "What? Colette's going to forget about us?!"

And then, his ears were clear, in time for him to hear every last word as Raine said, "Colette's human life will now end, and she will be reborn as an angel."

He whirled on her, hardly able to breathe. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm sorry, Lloyd." Raine's expression contorted with pain, more emotion than he'd ever seen on her. "I promised Colette I wouldn't say anything…but Colette will give up her life to regenerate the world. Becoming an angel…means dying."

"That is not quite correct," came Remiel's cold voice, and Lloyd's gaze was drawn back to him helplessly. "The Chosen's heart will die, and her body will be offered to the Goddess Martel, hence reviving the Goddess. This is the true nature of the world regeneration! The revival of the Goddess Martel is the revival of the world itself!"

Raine spoke up again, her voice unwavering. "Lord Remiel, we have heard of a world known as Tethe'alla, which lies parallel to Sylvarant."

Lloyd just stared at her, shocked—another world? What did that even mean?—as Remiel snapped, "That is not for you to know."

"That means it is true, correct?"

"From whom did you learn of it?"

Sheena stepped forward now, her black eyes burning. "Can't Cruxis make both worlds peaceful?"

There was a pause, and then Remiel smiled cruelly. "If that is what the Chosen desires, she may lend her power to the Cruxis by becoming an angel. Once the Goddess Martel is revived by the Chosen, the two worlds will truly achieve peace."

Colette finally moved, her head tipping up towards Remiel, as she gasped, though no words came out. Lloyd took an involuntary step forward, his fingers curling into fists.

"Is that true, you ask?" Remiel continued, looking down at her. "You know why you have come here."

Colette stood, and she turned. Her expression when she met his gaze made Lloyd want to cry, to scream. That smile of hers—but there was sadness in her eyes. He raced forward, then realized somebody was grabbing him from behind, keeping him from moving.

"Genis, let me go!" he snarled, not far gone enough that he would harm the small half-elf to move forward.

"I don't want anything to happen to her either!" Genis's voice was trembling, but there was an undercurrent of steel. "But what else are we supposed to do?! The people of Sylvarant are suffering, too!"

"But—" He stopped, and into that silence, Remiel spoke again.

"The sacrifice of one single person will save the world. Are you saying you would choose her soul over the entire world? …Now, Colette. Come join your father."

Colette walked towards him, a magical circle activating around her, and Lloyd flung Genis off, unable to hold back. He raced to the foot of the dais. He just didn't understand.

"Remiel—is there no another way?" he shouted, staring at the angel. "If Colette's your daughter—surely you don't really want her to die, either!"

The look on Remiel's face chilled him to the bone. "My daughter? Don't make me laugh. When I came down to play the role of guardian angel, you inferior beings just started calling me her father on your own."

Lloyd just stared, unable to speak. He felt sick.

"I merely placed the Cruxis Crystal upon this sacrifice selected to become Martel's vessel," Remiel continued, and Lloyd had had enough. He leapt up onto the dais in a single movement and raced to Colette's side, pulling her forcefully by the shoulders to face him.

"Colette!" he pleaded, desperate. She met his eyes calmly, and then—somehow—her voice sounded in his mind.

Lloyd—it's okay. I realized what was going on. Every time I met Remiel, I felt that he wasn't my real father. But…still, for some reason…I feel like crying.

He swallowed the shards of glass that were suddenly in his throat, held her hands in his. "If you realized what was going on, then…why?"

You can hear my voice? I'm so happy. I'll be able to say goodbye to you in the end.

Lloyd's chest hurt so much he thought he might die. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I couldn't save you." His voice was breaking openly, and he hardly cared. "I promised to protect you, but it looks like I couldn't keep that promise."

No. Thank you, Lloyd. Because of you, I was able to find the courage to protect the world—and to live these sixteen years to the fullest. So please. Let me do my duty.

She stepped backwards, and he held onto her hands, desperate. "No, Colette!" But the resolute look in her eyes was iron, absolute, and she pulled away from him, suddenly floating into the air backwards, faster than he could stop.

It looks like it's time, her voice said. …Goodbye.

He stared uselessly as light surrounded her, the shimmering wings bursting from her back, her eyes closing. And then she opened her eyes again.

Blank.

A sound rang out—of laughing, crazed laughing, and Lloyd realized it was coming from Remiel. "Hahahaha! I've done it, I've finally done it! Martel's vessel is finally complete! With this, I shall become one of the Four Seraphim!"

"You bastard!" Lloyd unsheathed his swords, his blood thundering through his veins. "Cruxis—the angels—the Goddess—it's all just a big lie, isn't it? Let her go—now!"

He dashed forward, more furious than maybe he'd ever been, feeling his mother's energy fill him through the exsphere warm on his hand. Remiel smiled, raising an arm and sending a golden beam straight at Lloyd, but he ducked under it easily, swinging lethally with his swords. Remiel swept down from the dais, sending lethal magic fanning out, and the rest of the party engaged immediately—Sheena a furious flurry of movement, Raine, Genis, and Aalissi sending spell after spell at the angel. And Rai, standing eerily still behind Remiel, his eyes cold, hesitating. But then he seemed to make a decision, blurring into action the way Lloyd had only seen a handful of times—so fast his movement was impossible to follow, his whip flicking lethally toward Remiel—barely glancing his back, and yet causing the angel to choke, double over in pain.

"How—" Remiel spat, his voice strangled as he dropped to his knees. "How can an angel, the ultimate being…lose to a group of humans?"

Lloyd had already looked away. He raced towards Colette, where she stood at the corner of the dais, her wings flapping behind her, her eyes staring. "Colette, come back to us!"

There was no response. He grabbed her shoulders, tight enough that it should have hurt. "Colette! Have you really forgotten me?"

A familiar voice sounded nearby, and Lloyd glanced around wildly before realizing it was Kratos, standing nearby, his arms folded. "You're wasting your time. Not only did she lose her memory, but she has lost the soul to listen to your words. She is now merely a puppet standing before death's door."

Lloyd whirled on him. "Where have you been? What are you—"

"The Chosen desired the regeneration of the world and chose this path herself," Kratos continued coldly, but he wasn't looking at Lloyd. "By the summoning of the Chosen to Derris-Kharlan, the seal will be broken, and the regeneration will be complete."

His heart was pounding. "What…what are you talking about?"

"It is what you desired as well. We will take the Chosen as the new body for Martel."

We?

Remiel's voice sounded now, pathetic, groveling, from where he lay at the foot of the dais. "Lord Kratos! Have pity on me! Please, lend me your aid!"

Kratos looked down on him, cruel disgust in his expression. "Have you forgotten, Remiel? I was once of the inferior race—a human. Does the ultimate being seek help from that which he despises the most?"

Remiel choked on his own next words and lay still. But Lloyd didn't have time to spare for him at the moment.

"Kratos, who the hell are you?!" he demanded. His swords were back in his hands, held at the ready. Even though he was now expecting it, it was still surreal to see the wings burst from Kratos's back as he finally met Lloyd's gaze.

"I am of Cruxis, the organization that guides this world. I am one of the Four Seraphim, sent forth to keep close watch over the Chosen."

"You deceived us!" Sheena shouted. Kratos shook his head.

"Deceived? If the Chosen merges with Martel, she will awaken, and the world will be saved. Is that not what you wanted?"

"Once her body is taken by the Goddess Martel, Colette will truly die," Raine pointed out. Her voice shook slightly.

"No," Kratos said, impassive. "She will be reborn as Martel."  He moved towards Colette, no longer looking at the rest of them, and Lloyd stepped in front of her, swords aloft.

"You think I'm going to let you do that?!" he snarled. "Colette is our friend!"

Kratos unsheathed his blade, nothing but cold contempt in his face. "You really believe you can defeat me?"

Even as he said it, Lloyd was already on him, attacking furiously, but Kratos deflected, effortless, backflipping backwards, his wings flapping to speed his movements as he lunged and spun. But Lloyd's every sense was focused in on him, reading his movements, responding, and for a few moments there was only the clash of their swords. Then one of Genis's fireballs flew towards Kratos and he leapt back, away from Lloyd. It was in that moment that Rai was on him, using his own sword this time, his green eyes cool. Lloyd managed to take the opening as Rai knocked Kratos's sword arm down, and he leapt forward, holding his twin blades at Kratos's throat.

There was a pause, no sound except their heavy breathing, Kratos's amber eyes staring at him. Lloyd saw an odd glint in them—respect, maybe—but no fear. But before Lloyd could make the final move to strike the life out of him, there was suddenly another blinding flash of light, and then another man stood there, dressed all in white, with long blonde hair and cruel green eyes. He was winged, too, and there was an exsphere set at his throat. Rai had leapt back, for the first time showing emotion—and in his eyes, there was now something akin to fear. Lloyd tensed.

"So," the angel said. He sounded amused. "I suppose not even you could bring yourself to fight against such an opponent." He was looking at Kratos, who bowed his head.

"Lord Yggdrasill."

The angel turned his gaze to Lloyd. The eyes were cool, intelligent, and alien—like a snake. "So you are Lloyd?"

Lloyd was way out of his depth, he could feel it. "Why ask if you already know?" he managed defiantly. The angel laughed.

"So the dog has bark. You aren't going to ask me to introduce myself? Well—I may as well. I am Lord Yggdrasill—leader of Cruxis and the Desians."

Cruxis and the Desians?

Lloyd didn't dignify this with a response. What could he possibly say? Instead he advanced again, swords slashing. But before he even got anywhere close to Yggdrasill, the angel raised his hand and Lloyd was sent flying by an invisible force. His body crashed into something hard, and he gasped, crumpling to the ground, barely managing to hold onto his swords. He fought to open his eyes, to keep his gaze on the enemy. The angel laughed cruelly and turned towards Rai, and for a moment, looked blank.

Then he laughed again, a high, cruel laugh that made the hair on Lloyd's arms stand on end. "Well, this is certainly interesting! Could you really be?"

Rai, for once, simply appeared to be rooted to the spot. His sword was still in his hands, but it was limp at his side, hands trembling, his face blank, and Lloyd realized with a creeping horror that it was that same look he'd had in the Triet Ruins, that he'd had in Palmacosta—when he'd collapsed, when he'd lost himself.

Yggdrasill smirked cruelly. "Well—I suppose we'll see if you've grown in battle, shall we? Perhaps if you can withstand this, you're still worthy of being my successor. Despite the obvious treachery you've displayed!"

He moved forward suddenly, a golden light extending towards Rai, and Lloyd could only watch helplessly, knowing that any move he made wouldn't be in time. And then somehow, Yggdrasill grunted, having been flung backward a few steps, and there was someone new in between them—a blue-haired man wielding a giant sword, staggering to his knees.

"Yuan," the angel snapped, regaining his footing. "What is the meaning of this?!"

The unfamiliar man bowed his head. "Lord Yggdrasill. Please, forgive me. I ask of you not to harm him."

Lloyd tried to struggle to his feet, but his legs had apparently turned to jelly, and his knee hit the ground painfully. He gasped, but nobody even looked at him. Yggdrasill was staring at the man in front of him, looking between him and Rai, assessing.

"Don't tell me…" he said slowly. Then he laughed. "Well. I do see the resemblance now. I must admit I didn't see this coming. You were his father, Yuan? And you left him to Kratos that whole time? Now that is amusing!"

Yuan lifted his head minutely. "Forgive me for hiding it, Lord Yggdrasill."

Yggdrasill looked back to Rai, who had been staring at Yuan in shock, but now straightened up, something of his normal sharpness returning to his eyes. "Lord Yggdrasill," he said, clearly, and Lloyd's chest constricted. "It is good to finally see you again."

The angel smiled. "Is it? I suppose it is. You'll have to tell me all about why you were alive after all."

Lloyd couldn't keep silent. "Rai! What are you doing?! This...this is a mistake, right? It can't be true!" His voice was weak, winded as he still was from smashing into the stone pillar, but they all heard, turning to look at him. Yggdrasill appeared greatly amused.

"I see you've been making friends, Rai," he purred. Hearing that name from him, said so familiarly, made Lloyd feel like the air was getting sucked out of the room. "Any explanation you want to give them?"

Rai's eyes were terrifyingly blank when he turned to Lloyd, and he didn't know how to process it, what to hold onto. Rai crossed his arms, sword now sheathed at his waist—showing that he wasn't fighting, now—but how could he be aligning himself with…them? Lloyd glanced around him, saw Raine, Genis—both crumpled in a corner, where they'd also been flung earlier in the fighting—staring at Rai. He saw his own horror reflected in their faces. Aalissi was slumped nearby, her violet eyes exhausted, but her expression was unreadable.

"I don't need to explain myself to you," Rai said, his voice so empty that Lloyd felt hollow in turn, as though all meaning had been drained from him, from both of them. "You, who know so little." That landed, made his limbs heavy. …It was true. This whole confrontation had proved it.

Yggdrasill laughed. "As cold as ever. I see you've aged well."

Rai bowed his head, but before anything else could be said, a magical missile shot through the air towards Yggdrasill, who dodged out of the way with a growl. Simultaneously, what appeared to be a Desian had darted forward from where a group of them had just appeared near the dais and intercepted Colette, leading her back towards the group. Kratos and Yggdrasill moved immediately, killing several more men who moved forward. At the back stood a tall half-elf with dark hair, surveying the scene. "We'll take them alive!" he barked, and before Lloyd even knew what was happening, one of the men had grabbed him, too. He stared back over his shoulder at Rai, who was now looking at him, but made no move to follow them, only standing next to the two angels. The pain, the desperation in his eyes made Lloyd dizzy, but he was too weak, too breathless to say anything, to call out. He should look away, but couldn't bring himself to. Had Rai really betrayed them? He knew his feelings showed on his face. Then, unexpectedly, Rai's voice sounded in his head, almost like Colette's had not too long before.

Lloyd. I'm sorry. But not everything is as it seems. Trust me.

Rai's face was the last thing Lloyd remembered, before all faded to blackness.

Chapter Text

The next thing Lloyd knew, he was jolting awake, but his surroundings were unfamiliar—a plush room, a bedspread. He sat up quickly, then braced his hands on the mattress next to him, head spinning from the movement.

"You're finally awake."

He looked at the Professor, who was watching him, arms crossed. Her expression was calculating, but with underlying sadness. For a moment, he wasn't sure why. Then he remembered—the Tower—how anything and everything had been a lie—how Colette had—Rai had—

Lloyd scrambled out of bed, only staggering a little, and ignored the Professor's exclamation and attempt to stabilize him as he located Colette, standing near the door. He ran to her, not even caring that he stumbled and nearly fell. "Colette!"

Even as he said it, a sick, drowning feeling rose within him, because she didn't even look—just stared ahead, her eyes empty, so empty. Nothing of her, of that girl he had always loved, was there. He crushed her to him, embracing her, unable to help it. "Colette. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." His voice shook, and he could smell her familiar scent—but that was all. Though she didn't push him away, there was no indication that she heard him, that she felt him.

He wanted to cry, but he took a deep breath, steadying himself, focusing on her warm body against his. He had to be strong for her. "I'll bring you back to yourself," he said fiercely. "I promise." He made himself pull back, staring into her empty eyes one more time. "Wait for me. One last time." No flicker of recognition. He had to look away.

Genis and the Professor watched him, grief in their eyes, though Raine's was more subdued, a hint at the edge of rational calculation.

"All that…really happened, didn't it?" Lloyd said, the words dragged out of him. He looked hopefully between them all—Raine, Genis, Sheena—but nobody contradicted him. Sheena looked away, her face twisting. He inhaled, swallowed.

"Where are we?"

It was Raine who answered, sitting down on the edge of one of the beds, sighing. "At the base of…an organization called the Renegades."

The name was familiar, though it took Lloyd a moment to place it, his brain overloaded from all the revelations that had just slammed into it. "The…Renegades," he repeated. "That…that organization Rai talked about?"

Raine nodded, crossing her arms again. "It seems that way. They looked like Desians, but presumably, the ones who took us—rescued us—from the Tower, were Renegades. An organization which opposes Cruxis…and the Desians."

He'd known, but it still knocked the breath out of him. That was right - what that angel had said…"So, Cruxis—" He had to stop, gather himself. "Cruxis and the Desians…are the same organization?" He could feel the frustration, the anger burning in his chest. How could that even be? All the evil, all the cruelty…and it was being done by the very organization which claimed to rule the world, whose bidding they had been doing? It was like a sick joke.

"There seems to be no other explanation," Raine confirmed. "That angel, Yggdrasill—he called himself the leader of both."

Genis spoke up now, his voice subdued. "I've heard the Desians mention him before, too. 'Lord Yggdrasill'. It seems like it has to be true."

Lloyd absorbed this. "Okay. I still don't understand why, but…this means Cruxis is—" He stopped. He had meant to say evil, but what did that even mean at this point? "Our enemy," he finished. "Just like the Desians. On the other hand, the Renegades…"

"They oppose Cruxis," Raine finished, putting a finger to her lips, eyes narrowing. "But…that doesn't mean they're on our side, either. We must be cautious."

"And…we're at their base, now?" Lloyd confirmed cautiously. She nodded, but his thoughts were already moving to something else, something that made his stomach churn, made him want to scream to avoid thinking about. "And…and Rai—" He cursed at the way his voice faltered, stuck in his throat, and swallowed angrily past the pain.

"He went with Cruxis," Genis finished, his voice hot, simmering with fury—but under it all, hurt. "And…Yggdrasill called him his successor."

Lloyd couldn't even respond, didn't even know what that meant. Sheena was the one who spoke.

"I knew there was something wrong about him," she said, angrily. "There always was—"

"Stop," Lloyd snapped, then stopped at the hurt on her face. "I—just…just don't, okay?"

Raine looked between them both, expression equal parts understanding and weary. "Lloyd—I understand how you feel, but—"

"There has to be more to this," Lloyd insisted. "I know it looks bad. And—is bad. Rai was hiding things from us. About his past, about his goals. But—but that doesn't mean—" He didn't know what he wanted to say. That what they'd had between them hadn't still been real?

They were looking at him with despair, but also pity, and it only made him more defensive, more frustrated. "I heard his voice," he confessed. "Just before I was taken by the—the Renegades. He—he apologized—" He wished he could make his stupid voice stop shaking. "And—and said that everything wasn't as it seemed. And…." Trust me. He couldn't bring himself to say it. Something about it felt like baring his soul.

Raine's eyes looked wet, and she inhaled sharply. "Lloyd," she said gently. "Lloyd. I don't know what you heard. We have no way of knowing if it was…if he was truly communicating with you, somehow. But, even if he was…surely you understand that it could have been manipulation?"

It hurt, hurt so much that he really thought he was going to die. He kept himself from physically clutching his chest, shutting his eyes against the pain. But he couldn't say anything. He didn't—he couldn't—believe that. But he knew there was nothing he could say.

Genis spoke again. "Of course there was more to it," he said, in a sharp tone that sounded unlike him. "There always is. If we confront him, he'll have plenty of things to say. Rational reasons. Arguments. But that doesn't change the fact that he lied to us—that he knew the truth of the world and didn't tell us—that he let this happen to Colette—that he knew that Yggdrasill guy—any of it!" He was yelling by the end, then gasped in a breath, hands twisting into the fabric of the bed he sat on, his gaze shadowed. If Lloyd could have been in any more pain, it probably would have intensified, but he didn't think his body was even capable of it. Because…Genis was right. Even if Rai hadn't betrayed them…he had.

"Okay," he heard himself say. "Okay. So…for now, we have to think of him as…" He forced his mouth into submission, to continue moving. "Our enemy. Kratos, too." That was the other betrayal, but with everything else that had happened, he could hardly bring himself to process it. "But what do we do from here?"

Sheena looked up at him, her gaze intense. "I spoke to Raine about this, but not the rest of you. There's…Sylvarant isn't the only world that exists. There's another one, called Tethe'alla."

Right. Raine had said something about that, among all the other things that had happened at the Tower. It all felt so long ago. "What…what does that mean?" he asked, blankly.

"Another world, parallel to this one," Sheena continued. "And when the Regeneration happens in Sylvarant—that would force Tethe'alla into decline, even as Sylvarant began to flourish. …I'm from that other world. That's why I was sent here, why I was meant to kill Colette. To keep the Regeneration from happening." She paused, her gaze shadowed. "There's something else I should say. When I joined the party, Rai told me…he said he was trying to prevent the Regeneration, too. That I didn't have to kill Colette, because he'd handle it. But…he let her lose her heart and memories anyway."

Lloyd couldn't think through the implications, even as it caused another painful stab to his chest—it felt meaningless on top of everything else. "Okay. So…you're from that other world."

"…Yeah." Sheena hesitated. "Maybe that's where we should try to go, now. Tethe'alla's more advanced than here—if anywhere would have the research, the knowledge to help us get Colette back—it would be there."

It made sense, even if it was a long shot. And Lloyd would never forgive himself if he couldn't bring her back, so he didn't have much of a choice. "How can we get there?"

"There are special flying machines," Sheena said, "called Rheiards. I know the Renegades use them. They should be somewhere in this base. If we can find some, we can make it to the other world."

Lloyd glanced at Raine, Genis—both looked back at him, nodding.

"It's all we can do, for now," Raine said, sounding resigned.

"But we're prisoners here for now, right?" Lloyd pointed out. "I assume. And—if we're trying to use their…Rhey-thingies—chances are the Renegades won't just give them to us."

As if on cue, there was a knock on the door. "Come in," Raine said, and a Desian—no, a Renegade, entered, his features obscured under a helmet.

"You're awake," he said in a gravelly tone. "Good. Lord Botta would like to speak with you."

Rai leaned back in the armchair, staring at Mithos, who looked back, smiling. The refreshments on the table between them—sweets, savory snacks, beverages—made the situation feel surreal. He wasn't sure how to process that.

"I should have said this before, " Mithos said, still smiling unnervingly, "but welcome back. It really has been a long time."

He was aware of Kratos, of Yuan, seated in their own spots around the table, but couldn't look at them, didn't dare move his attention from Mithos. "Thank you," he said, and crossed his arms. "I—for a long time, I didn't remember much of my time here. It's only recently that everything…came back." That's why I didn't return, went unsaid, but he knew Mithos would hear it loud and clear. Why I didn't tell you I was alive.

"I suppose that's understandable," Mithos said, perfectly still. Smiling. "Did you remember it all, Rai? That old lady, too?"

Rai was ice, only ice, and he was lucky that the default mode of his face was pure blankness. In his mind, Akira whistled. Wow. He's fucking savage. How could he bring that up, just like that?

"Yes," he said without pausing, voice even. "Of course I do. It was a valuable lesson, after all."

There might have been a slight hint of satisfaction in Mithos's expression. "And what lesson was that?"

Rai laughed. "That humans are worthless," he said easily. "That you have to be able to do what's needed. That the broader principle is more important than the individual. It really was an important moment—it taught many lessons, all at once. Impressive, even for you." The casual respect, even warmth, in his voice surprised even him.

Mithos laughed too—and there was even real affection in it. He glanced at Yuan, Kratos, who both sat stiff, unreadable. "You see? He may have been both of your son, in different ways—but he has more potential than that, doesn't he? I'm sure you understand now, my old friends, why I was so devastated when he…disappeared, all those years ago." The last words dripped with danger.

Kratos spoke, dipping his head. "Lord Yggdrasill—you must be curious about what happened—"

"Oh?" Mithos looked at him, crossing one arm across his torso and resting his elbow on it, thumbing his lip thoughtfully. "Do go on, then."

"The full truth escapes even I," Kratos admitted, meeting Mithos's gaze unflinchingly. "What happened was what I told you, all those years ago—the attack by that anti-half-elven group—Rai, gone—all the blood. I still don't know how he could have survived it."

Mithos nodded, still seeming almost amused. "I see. Well, Rai?"

He shrugged. "Not all my memories are back, you know. I've only started regaining the earliest things—of being here—of you. I vaguely remember going on a mission with Father—Kratos—but…I don't know what happened, after that. I just know somehow, I ended up with a pair of half-elven siblings in Palmacosta. And that's where I grew up."

"Tragic," Mithos mused. It sounded real. "You could have spent that time with me, and by mere happenstance…well. No matter." He straightened, looked at Yuan. "And you, Yuan? You couldn't have intervened like that at the Tower, had you not already known. You knew your son was alive, did you not?"

Yuan nodded, not making any effort to hide the pain glinting in his green eyes. Rai knew this was by design. "I discovered it not too long ago," he said, his voice slightly rough. "I…I admit that I did not know how to face it. But when I saw he might come to harm—"

Mithos nodded, still cupping his face in one hand. "Yes. I do see what you mean, old friend. It would be difficult indeed." Rai stayed still, just watching, not letting himself even understand what emotion he was feeling. Right now, it was far too dangerous. "But you did directly stand against me, you know," Mithos continued. Rai forced himself to keep breathing normally, regularly.

Yuan bowed his head. "Yes. I…am sorry. But you know I have always been…a man who loved. I am loyal to you—how could I not be—when Martel was—is—the love of my life—" His voice shook, and Rai was impressed. Obviously, the apple had not fallen far from the tree. "But to not protect my own son—"

There was a pause. Then Mithos said, "I understand, Yuan. How could I fault my own friend, who I know so well? But please keep in mind…that I do not take betrayal well. You understand, of course."

Yuan nodded. "Of course…my Lord."

Mithos grinned now, leaning back in his chair. "Well—now that all that unpleasantness is out of the way." He turned back to Rai. "You passed the test. Speak freely, my protégé. What is it you want to do?"

A beat. Rai was of two minds. The path of safety and pain? Or…destruction? He leaned forward, folded his hands.

"I want to come to my own conclusions," he said, calm. "To travel, to understand the world. To play my own games. Not yours."

There was an intake of breath from Kratos, but Rai ignored it, just looking at Mithos. Mithos's grin faded slightly for a moment, then he laughed.

"Well. The cat is a tiger, eh? I'm surprised at you, Rai. Of course, I knew you had hidden depths. You're too smart not to." He leaned his elbow on the chair, staring at Rai, almost adoring. "Why not?"

What?

"You're…fine with that?" Rai said, for the first time not fully controlled, unable to keep the slight incredulity out of his voice.

Mithos chuckled. "You make me sound entirely unreasonable. I can be strict at times, certainly…but how could I deny a brilliant young man the ability to arrive at his own conclusions? I only ask that you continue to talk with me. After all, conclusions reached without guidance can be…dangerous."

Rai had reasserted his control. He exhaled. "Continue to talk by what means?"

Mithos was watching him. "I could give you a communication device—"

"No," Rai said, and this time it was Yuan's aborted breath he heard. He was probably going to give both his fathers a heart attack if he wasn't careful. "I don't want you tracking my movements. I want to come to my own decisions." What could he lose now?

"I see," Mithos said. He was still smiling. "I continue to be impressed, Rai. And…it's understandable, of course. Why would a man like yourself want to be monitored? Don't worry, then. I shall arrange for our meetings. I have that capability, after all."

Is he saying he can track us anyway? Akira asked incredulously. Rai ignored him.

"So you'd be watching me, anyway?" Rai asked, smooth. Casual. "That's disappointing."

Mithos laughed again. "Does that make you sad? How about this—I won't, unless I want to meet with you. When I do, I'll send a messenger to your location. Is that acceptable?"

Rai leaned back. "I suppose so. Do you mind if I ask you a question?"

"Ask away."

"At some point, Cruxis was experimenting on elves," he said plainly. "Growing exspheres on them. Is that still going on?"

Mithos shrugged. "You know of your mother, then? I suppose it's fair of you to ask. No—we're not running those anymore. All the elves that were part of those experiments are dead—everyone who equipped the resulting exspheres that came of them also died horrible deaths. We've abandoned that line of experimentation for now."

Fuck. I think we really did narrowly survive, Akira breathed in his mind. Rai had to agree. Likely, the only reason he'd survived equipping his was something about being in the womb when the exsphere had fed off his mother. There was a cold in his chest, a realization of how closely death had passed him by.

This also means Fae is definitely dead, Akira added.

"I see," Rai said aloud. "That's…a shame. Is there anything left of any of them? Mementos, perhaps? A friend of mine…knew someone who was part of the experiments. I just wondered."

Mithos seemed a bit taken aback for a moment before his expression melted back into cool amusement. "Of course. I can let one of my researchers know to show you. If you can find the records for the elf in question, I'm sure they can give you any belongings that are left behind. I am nothing if not generous to those on the right side, after all." His eyes glinted. "Even if you're still coming to…your conclusions."

Rai dipped his head. "Thank you."

Raine crossed her arms as she stared at the half-elf sitting on the opposite side of the table. He was tall and muscular, marking him definitively as part-human, but his eyes glinted with that signature intelligence of elves. Beside her sat Lloyd, uncharacteristically subdued, as well as Genis and Sheena, both tense. Aalissi wasn't there—hadn't been there ever since they'd come to in that room—but Raine had more important things to worry about at the moment.

"Lord Botta, is it?" she asked the man cautiously. He nodded.

"Yes. You are Raine Sage. Lloyd Irving. Genis Sage. And Sheena Fujibayashi—correct?" He looked at each of them as he said their name, and Raine crossed her arms.

"You're well-informed," she said, and though it was ostensibly a compliment, her words were accusatory.

He blinked at her, a faint glint of apology in his eyes. "We aren't a secret, intelligence-gathering organization for nothing, I'm afraid. Still, we mean you no harm."

"So we are free to go, I take it?" she shot back immediately. There was a pause.

"Do you think that's wise?" Botta asked. He crossed his arms. One shoulder and arm was bare, the muscles clearly defined. She focused on his face.

"You are the leader of the Renegades," she said instead of answering. "And your organization works against Cruxis and the Desians. Is that correct?"

"Yes."

"What is the true nature of the Church?" Raine pressed. Botta didn't flinch.

"The Church of Martel is only an instrument created by Cruxis to rule the world. The supposed angels are half-elves who have evolved by using special exspheres known as Cruxis Crystals—though the Church is none the wiser."

It made a terrible sort of sense, especially after seeing the interactions with Rai. "And they wish to revive the Goddess Martel?" Raine pressed. "I presume they send oracles to those of the mana lineage and control their marriages to create the Chosen who become the vessel. …It seems meaninglessly drawn out and complicated, to be frank."

He smiled slightly. "Well. I'm impressed."

"And what of this other world, Tethe'alla?" she continued, ignoring the flattery. "How does it play into all this?"

"It competes with Sylvarant for mana," Botta said. "Necessitating this back-and-forth of 'world regeneration'. And…the one who created this system…was Cruxis's leader, Yggdrasill."

"What?" It was Genis, finally speaking from where he sat to her left. "How is that even possible? Create an entire world?"

Botta didn't respond, and Raine turned the conversation back to something useful, filing away the tidbit about Yggdrasill. "If you are against Cruxis, part of your goal must have been to prevent Martel's revival," she said. "Hence, your intervention at the Tower. You wanted to prevent them from taking the vessel up to…" She recalled the angel's words. "Derris-Kharlan."

"Yes," said Botta. "If we had arrived earlier, we could have simply killed her." An intake of breath from Sheena and Genis—Lloyd, for his part, was oddly silent. "As it was, she had already transformed into an angel. The Chosen is now a lethal weapon whose only goal is self-preservation—we wouldn't dare lay a hand on her."

"And why take the rest of us?" Raine pressed. "Why keep us here?"

Botta glanced at Lloyd, and confusion filled Raine's mind. How was he valuable to them?

All Botta said was, "Please. This is a lot to take in. Perhaps you should take some time to think? You should not leave the base, but you may have free reign of the lounge and guest quarters here. Rest assured we will not harm you."

Genis started to speak, but Raine put a hand on his arm and he fell silent. Escape they must, but for now, it was best to accept this, to regroup. "Understood," she said. "We are against Cruxis as well—so in that much, at least, we are on the same side. But you can't keep us here forever."

Botta inclined his head, and Raine stood to leave, her mind whirling.

As Lloyd followed Raine out of Botta's office, he felt like his emotions were simultaneously chaotic and separated from him—like he was both a mess of feeling and a hollow shell. He'd been listening to the conversation, but none of it had felt like it meant much. The Renegades were against Cruxis, sure—but they'd had no issue with the idea of coldly slaughtering Colette if it served their purposes.

This was the organization Rai had claimed to be a part of? Though who knew if that had even been true, at this point.

He glanced up as they walked into the lobby, then stopped as he saw someone very familiar seated on one of the sofas, his legs casually crossed as he frowned intently at a round object in his hand. His long purple hair was unmistakable.

Lloyd strode towards him, ignoring Raine raising her hand warningly, and the half-elf's eyes shot up to him immediately. For once, he seemed slightly taken aback, before his eyes narrowed.

"Alai," Lloyd said, voice tight. "It's you."

The man gave an easy smile, leaning back on the sofa. "Lloyd! Well, well—good to see you again. Last place I'd have expected to meet—"

"Cut the bullshit," Lloyd snapped, and he saw a barely perceptible tightening in Alai's face, though it was gone a second later. "You're supposed to be Rai's friend, right?"

Alai stared at him, eyes calculating. "Sure, I know him." The words were light, casual. They gave Lloyd nothing.

"Do you even know where he is?!" Lloyd burst out. "He was supposedly a member of the Renegades, alongside you. So why—" He stopped himself, unsure what he was even trying to accomplish.

"Why?" Alai repeated. "Why, indeed." He leaned forward, resting his arms on his thighs, his hair hanging forward from where it fell down his shoulders, head tilting up to maintain eye contact with Lloyd. "I presume he went with them, then?"

Lloyd was breathless with rage. "You knew? So then why? Is he not with the Renegades after all?"

Alai shook his head. "Look. I get why you're upset. I really do." He raised his hands as though in surrender. "But…this isn't my place to tell. If Rai hasn't given you certain answers."

It hurt, it hurt so much. So whatever it was Rai had been hiding, the secrets from his past…this man, he had told. And now Alai refused to let Lloyd in on it—and worse, Lloyd understood—because if Rai hadn't told him, then why should he be told?

He forced himself to relax his body, muscle by muscle. "Okay," he said. "I'm sorry for biting your head off."

Alai had an odd look in his eyes. As Lloyd made to walk away, he said, "Wait."

Lloyd paused, turned back. Alai continued, "Even still…Rai really does care about you. Even I could tell that much."

It only hurt more. "Thank you," Lloyd said simply, aloud, and walked away.

Chapter Text

Aalissi let out a breath as she watched Lloyd walk away from Alai, back towards the room the party was staying in. Raine, Genis, and Sheena followed, though they looked at Alai—she couldn't see their expressions from here. She'd listened in on the conversation between Raine and Botta from outside the door, tamping down hard on her mana so neither would notice her.

She realized Alai was looking right at her, red eyes gleaming. "So, pretty elf girl. What's your game in all this, eh?"

She walked over, sat on the couch opposite him. "Will Rai be returning?"

He shrugged. "I don't know any more than you do, my dear elf. Why aren't you with your friends? I heard you asked to be put in another room."

Aalissi folded her hands. "I simply wanted some distance."

"Right." Alai looked knowing. "Or maybe you wanted to avoid being grilled—on knowing more than you should."

She breathed in—three, four beats—out. "Your organization opposes Cruxis. Is there a process for membership?"

The Tainted leaned back in his chair, crossing his legs. "That's a new one. An elf, interested in joining? This, I have to hear."

"I have my own reasons to oppose Cruxis," she said evenly. "If Rai were here, he could vouch for me. That's the only reason I asked about him."

Alai eyed her, gaze assessing. "I don't know for sure," he said, "but I suspect he'll be back soon. And…I suppose I can talk to Lord Botta for you." He paused, as though deciding whether or not to continue, then said, "So. Are you the one who put this idea of Pairs into our dear friend Rai's head?"

She hadn't realized her offhand observation would reverberate to this extent. "Perhaps," she said. She allowed the slight amusement she felt into her voice. "I simply stated what I felt. Your mana resonance together…it was quite striking."

There was a glint of annoyance in his eyes, though she didn't understand why. "You elves," he muttered, "and your fatalistic thinking."

She pulled her long pink hair over one shoulder and crossed her arms. "You needn't pay much attention to it," she said lightly, "if it bothers you so."

He crossed his own arms, mirroring her. "Isn't it a myth?"

"So some say," she admitted. "But some of my acquaintances have known them. Elves who are so magically compatible, so synchronous, that their mana yearns to meld together. Their bonds are often irreplicable, one of a kind—but can be obsessive, can even drive them mad."

"Elves," he repeated. "But Rai and I are half-elves."

She crossed her legs at the ankles and let her hands rest on the couch at her sides. "Yes. But both of you…with hardly any taint."

His eyes flashed. "There you go again. Not everyone wants to be a pretentious elitist, you know?"

Apparently, something about her was really rubbing him the wrong way. It was quite fascinating. "I meant no offense, Alai. Just that you are more elven than not. That you could be a Pair—or something close to it—didn't seem impossible. But if it is so disquieting, please—pay it no mind."

The irritation melted away so quickly, she almost thought she'd imagined it. He smiled easily at her. "Fair enough. You know, you may want to go talk to your friends. They might get…antsy, jump to their own conclusions, if you don't."

She knew he was trying to assert power over her, but she didn't react. "Good idea," she said, smiling at him, and saw the brief hint of annoyance that was quickly masked. "It was nice speaking with you, Alai. I hope you will put in a good word to Lord Botta." She rose and bowed politely before exiting, but couldn't help her continued amusement at the way his cold mana flared at her words.

Lloyd's pacing was interrupted by a knock on the door, and when he opened it, a familiar pink-haired elf stood there, as prim as ever. Her violet eyes held an unspoken apology.

"Aalissi," Lloyd greeted her, surprised, and stepped aside to let her in. He saw Raine survey her suspiciously as she entered.

"It is good to see that you are all safe," Aalissi said softly. "I was placed in separate quarters, but it seems I was brought here straight from the Tower, as you all were."

Lloyd supposed it made sense—there were only four beds in this room, after all. And Aalissi hadn't given them any reason at the Tower to believe she was suspicious. Though she had been more in the know about Rai's allegiances than the rest of them. He still remembered her words back in Luin.

"Did you hear about the Renegades?" he asked. She nodded.

"Yes—it seems they oppose Cruxis, and the Desians. What are your plans now?"

Raine spoke up. "What have you been doing until now?"

Aalissi turned to look at her. "I spent some time investigating my surroundings," she said calmly. "I had my own conversation with Lord Botta. And I spoke to Alai in the lounge for a time. It seems Rai may come here soon."

Lloyd felt like he'd just been smashed with a ton of bricks. "What?!"

Her gaze flitted to him, surprise glinting in her eyes. "He is a member of the Renegades, after all."

"But he aligned himself with Cruxis back there," Lloyd argued, feeling deeply conflicted. Now he was making the argument the rest of the group members had been making against him.

Aalissi nodded. "…Yes. That is true. I am not sure how to reconcile that, myself."

He swallowed. "How are you so calm about this?"

She met his gaze evenly. "Not being so will not change the outcome."

Lloyd realized that he wouldn't be able to understand her, even if he asked more questions. He sighed, the fight going out of him. Before he could respond, there was another knock at the door.

He strode impatiently to it and opened it, expecting to see another helmeted Renegade, or maybe Alai.

It was Rai.

Lloyd froze. It was like his brain had broken, couldn't compute Rai—who had betrayed them, had stood next to the angels—and now, inexplicably, stood in front of him. He felt the simultaneous urge to hug him and beat him into a pulp.

Rai looked cautious, like the slightest move would cause an explosion. "Hey," he murmured. "Sorry. I know it's sudden. Can I come in?"

Lloyd was unable to speak, but he stood aside, letting Rai into the room. Raine was just staring at him, but Genis was glaring, so hard that Lloyd wouldn't have been surprised if Rai burned to death on the spot from the sheer heat of it. Sheena's fury was palpable, too, coming off her in waves.

"Rai," Raine said. Her voice was cool. "Why are you here?"

Rai stood against a wall. He looked tired. "To check on you, of course."

Lloyd nearly exploded at that, but managed to hold it in. He said nothing, and saw Rai's gaze flicker to him for a moment, before he refocused on Raine.

"You owe us an explanation, do you not?" Raine's voice was ice.

Rai's gaze shuttered. "Do I? Perhaps you should use your own head a little, too. You have enough information to figure out my allegiance yourself, after all."

Raine only stared him down, and Rai crossed his arms. "Don't tell me you all lost your will to go on. Do you need me around for direction that badly?"

Lloyd couldn't remain silent at this. "What are you talking about, you bastard?!"

Rai looked at him, but his gaze was only cool, that dreadfully familiar blankness. "Think, Lloyd. What is it you need to do?" he urged softly.

Sheena spoke up, fire in her voice. "We're going to do what we need to do to save Colette," she snapped. "Something you never did—even though you knew what would happen to her!"

"I'm not the only one who knew," Rai pointed out. He looked straight at Raine. "So did she. And she kept it a secret. Kept going with the Journey."

"Don't deflect onto others," Lloyd growled. "She didn't know the whole story. She didn't realize Cruxis was—that the Regeneration was a lie—"

"Was it a lie?" Rai asked, his voice maddeningly light. "The resurrection of Martel…do you even know enough, to know whether it's good or bad?"

Lloyd's words died in his throat. That pain was back, the one that made it hard to breathe.

"I presume Sheena's told you about Tethe'alla?" Rai continued. Nobody answered him, but Lloyd knew that Rai could tell just from looking at them that they knew. He glanced around the room, then nodded. "So that's your plan. Go to Tethe'alla, and look for a cure for Colette."

"We're going to bring her back to normal. No matter what," Lloyd said, firmly.

Rai's gaze might have been warm for a split second as it met his before it was eclipsed again by that flat expression. "Good. Botta's not going to let you go officially, you know. But I'm sure you all can manage an escape. You won't need my help for that."

He pushed off the wall, began to walk towards the door, and Genis spoke up for the first time. "Rai—is that really all you have to say for yourself?!" His voice shook, but Rai barely looked at him.

"My justifications won't help right now," he said, facing the door. "Understandably, you can't believe anything I say. You need to find out more—on your own. And I'll be doing things my own way."

Lloyd stepped forward, putting a hand on his shoulder before he could stop himself. "Rai," he said urgently. "Please. Why are you doing this? Can't we just figure it out together?!"

He noticed the half-elf tense under his grip, and felt it in that moment. This was still Rai. And he wasn't unaffected, no matter what expression he made. But Rai only said, "I'm not your enemy. And maybe you, out of everyone, believes that, Lloyd. But for now…this is the way it has to be."

Lloyd could only stare after him, helpless, as he walked away.

Aalissi waited only a beat in the silence after Rai had left, then stood, leaving the room before anybody could say anything or ask where she was going. She hurried down the hall, where she could feel Rai's mana signature ahead, and managed to catch up. "Rai," she said softly, and he stopped, turning to look at her. His green eyes were tired—so tired.

"Aalissi," he said. "You aren't staying with the others?"

"Fae," she said simply, and he exhaled, then pulled her gently into a nearby room, shutting the door.

"I asked," he said. "And…" He lowered his gaze, and then put a hand in his pocket, rummaging around for a few seconds. Then he held out a fist, opened it. In his hand was an achingly familiar object. The silver leaf, identical to the one Aalissi wore around her own neck, symbolic of their commitment to the natural mana of the world. Her eyes burned as she reached out to touch it, her fingers trembling.

"I'm sorry," Rai said quietly. "He's gone."

She'd known, she'd already known, but somehow the confirmation, seeing his necklace, its luster faded, rusted, crushed her more than any prior suspicions ever had. "No," she whispered, and shut her eyes, unable to even reach for the leaf, to even move. This wasn't supposed to happen. This…

Rai moved forward, his arms encircling her, and she let herself lean into them, into his too-warm body, suffused with his fiery mana. She realized she was sobbing and forced herself to pause, taking deep breaths, but Rai's arms only tightened around her.

"Don't hold it in," he whispered. "Let yourself grieve. What happened—it was wrong. And it isn't fair."

She didn't know how long she cried—whether it was hours or only minutes—but when she finally pushed herself back from him, his shirt soaked with her tears, he didn't seem irritated, only dejected. She remembered his own history.

"How did you get this?" she managed, voice trembling. "Did you visit—were you—"

"I went to the site of the experiments," he said tonelessly. "Where Fae—my mother—all of them—were kept. There was nothing left from my mother. But I was at least able to retrieve this for you. I'm sorry, Aalissi."

He must be hurting, too, but he'd been strong for her—comforted her. Impulsively, she embraced him again. "I'm sorry, too," she said. When she pulled back, he extended his hand again, the necklace on his palm, and this time she took it, tucking it into her bag, though she could hardly look at it.

"You aren't really with Cruxis," she said. It was a statement, not a question.

He sighed. "No. But I grew up there. You know that. If I too openly defy them, my life is forfeit."

"I'm coming with you," she said firmly. "I told Alai I was interested in joining the Renegades—and if that is a good avenue, it is what I shall do—or if I should come with you, help as a free agent, I can do that as well. But I want Cruxis gone."

He met her gaze. "Joining the Renegades might be complicated," he said softly. "Given you're an elf. Many of them don't take too kindly to you. But I don't know that you need to. I could use your help, myself."

She stared back, unflinching. "Then consider me yours to use."

He started, then laughed a little, despite the situation. "Aalissi. Don't say things like that. People could take it the wrong way."

She smiled back. "Let them assume what they may."

Alai hadn't objected when Rai had immediately wanted to talk to the Chosen's group when he got back, but he found himself oddly restless as he waited for him to come back. He supposed maybe he really had been a bit worried about the infuriating young half-elf—that maybe, after going to Cruxis, he wouldn't quite make it back the same. But when he'd returned, he'd still seemed himself, if a bit weary.

He glanced up as he heard the sound of a door and saw Rai emerge from the room he'd pulled the elf into earlier. She exited after him, nose slightly red, and…had she been crying? As he watched, she stood on her toes and leaned towards Rai, saying something into his ear. He nodded, and she melted away, back towards her quarters.

Alai stood, pocketing his communicator and putting a hand on his hip, studying Rai as he strode over. "Suppose your friends didn't kill you after all, eh?" he said lightly. Rai only let out a long breath.

"They may as well have," he muttered, so softly Alai didn't fully trust that he'd heard.

"Your swordsman was upset?" he half-asked, half-stated, and Rai huffed, meeting his gaze more fully.

"I betrayed him, Alai. Of course he was upset."

Rai must be really shaken if he wasn't playing their usual games. "I'm sure he'll come around," Alai said, watching Rai closely. "Even if you did let his girlfriend go soulless."

His partner's green eyes went entirely blank. "Yes, well. It had to happen. Now she's protected—from us as well as any who would harm her."

"What do you plan to do from here?"

"I have some ideas," Rai said, palming his face, pushing his hair back. "But first…I could use some rest." His eyes met Alai's and Alai knew immediately what he was thinking.

"Crash with me," he said easily, grinning. "It's basically a tradition at this point. Wouldn't do to do anything else."

Was that a ghost of a smile on Rai's face? "Sure, Alai. Why not?"

It wasn't long before they were in Alai's quarters. It was interesting how quickly he'd gotten used to this—how Rai being here felt like an inevitability. "Feel free to wash up," he said. "Or whatever you want to do. We can talk when you're more rested." He shrugged off his own overcoat, laying it on the chair near the door. "I could use a nap myself."

Rai had set his gear down in the corner, but was now studying him. "How was your…stint in Tethe'alla?"

He sighed. "Pain in the ass." He pulled his shirt off over his head and didn’t miss the way Rai watched, his gaze flicking down then back up to his face. "It's a bit of a political nightmare there. Half-elves are treated as second-class—so although I have a noble identity there, it's as a human. Not Alai Sylvari, but Alai Vander. Keeping up the glamor is a pain, though."

"Mm." Rai stepped closer, his gaze intense. He had that look he sometimes got, like he could see right through Alai. "Must be hard. With that face, those ears. That body." Something about the way he said it skewed indecent. Alai crossed his arms. He wasn't sure anymore whether to respond in kind—he was starting to wonder if things would really escalate.

"A bit," he admitted. "Nothing I can't handle. You're…planning to go to Tethe'alla, too, aren't you?"

Rai continued studying him. "Astute as ever. Yes—I don't think it's a bad idea to keep tabs on the Chosen. We don't want Yggdrasill taking her, after all."

"And that's the only reason?" Alai pressed, dropping down into the chair. Rai remained standing, looking down at him.

"No," he said, grinning slightly. "Of course not. But what would be the fun in telling you everything?"

Alai smiled back. This, he could go along with. "Let's see. You talked with Lord Yuan about summon spirits…perhaps you want to do something about that?"

Rai rubbed his lower lip absently, even though Alai knew he was anything but. "Hmm, maybe. And…I'm thinking of doing something about Rodyle."

That, he hadn't expected. "You killed Kvar," he pointed out bluntly. "Without orders, I might add. Planning on using the same method?"

"Not right away," Rai said. He leaned forward, too close, putting his hands on the arms of the chair, and Alai stopped breathing. "I thought I could get your help. If that's okay?"

He was irresistible, and also an absolute bastard. "What kind of help would that be?" Alai managed. Thankfully his voice came out even. Rai wet his lips with the tip of his tongue and Alai couldn't help that his gaze went there, though he didn't linger.

"I'm sure you could talk to the other Cardinals," Rai continued, voice soft. "Tell them certain…truths. That might give them incentive to…take care of him."

Alai leaned back in the chair, staring up at him. It definitely wasn't to put distance between them, not at all. Rai looked amused, but he stood back up, allowing the withdrawal. "Maybe," Alai said. "What's in it for me?"

"What do you want to be in it for you?" Rai asked, in a tone that was entirely too suggestive. Then he laughed. "Alai, you don't like Rodyle any more than I do. And he's a threat to all of us with his mana cannon. This world is low enough on mana as it is."

Alai watched him for a moment. Then he said, "Mind if I come with you?" He enjoyed the genuine surprise that showed in Rai's eyes.

"How come?"

"Well," Alai said. "You'll be working towards our path to reuniting the worlds, right? How could I stay behind? Anyway, you'll need my connections. How were you planning to get a Tethe'allan travel permit?"

Rai looked thoughtfully at him. "I'm sure I would have found a way. Still, if my ever-so-helpful partner is offering…why not?"

Alai stood, and Rai didn't pull back, putting them nearly nose-to-nose before Alai stepped to the side. "Even more important to get some rest, then," he said wryly, walking in the direction of the bathroom. He paused before entering, throwing over his shoulder, "Wait, don't tell me…is that elf girl coming with us?"

"She is," Rai said without hesitation. "Can you get her a permit, too?"

He felt a little more irritable than was strictly necessary. "Sure, fine."

"What, you wanted it to be a trip just the two of us?"

"I'm just not too fond of elves," Alai said shortly. He turned around, leaning against the wall. Rai was now removing his gauntlet, his belt. "But…fine. I guess she does seem loyal to you. She asked about joining the Renegades."

Rai stripped off his shirt and Alai watched shamelessly, noting again the exsphere set between his collarbones. "Maybe it's better if she doesn't join," Rai pointed out, pushing his hair back. "Being an elf—and it would complicate things more, I think."

"You want her as your own loyal follower," Alai guessed.

"Makes it sound so diabolical," Rai mused. "When you put it like that." He walked over and slumped down on the bed. "Fuck. I'm exhausted."

"I'll let you get some rest."

Lloyd's footsteps sounded too loud to his own ears as he raced down the hallway, his companions following close behind. All but Aalissi—she'd only bothered to leave a cryptic note, not even talking to them in person. That she was sorry, but she'd decided to follow Rai.

His pace had sped without his conscious effort, and he slowed it slightly, realizing Raine and Genis were falling behind. It made sense that Aalissi had stayed with Rai, he told himself. After all—he'd obviously shared much more about his true plans with her. Just like he had with Alai.

Just not with Lloyd.

His fingers twitched. It would be really nice if someone would show up to block his way right now. Someone he could slice to ribbons with his swords.

But for whatever reason, escaping was proving to be—strangely easy. Maybe too easy.

He reached the door at the end of the hallway, listened a moment, and then entered. The hangar. Empty, except for several colorful flying machines.

"I was right," Sheena said, sounding relieved. "Rheiards. Come on. Let's hurry."

Lloyd walked over to them, half-expecting an alarm to go off or a trap to spring, but nothing happened. He put a palm cautiously on one of the devices. Still nothing.

A few moments later, they were all seated in their own individual machine, ready to go. There were a few frantic minutes while Sheena appraised them on the basics of how to work these things, but once she'd explained it, Lloyd found it surprisingly simple to understand. It wasn't too different from handling a sword, or putting together something from scratch. There was a mechanical logic to it.

But as they sped forward, out, over, and into the sky, he couldn't help but wonder—how could their getaway possibly have gone so smoothly?

Rai, he thought. It's you, isn't it? You bastard.

I'll get you back, even if I have to beat sense into you to do it.

He had no idea, at that moment, how difficult it'd be.

Chapter Text

Zelos wanted to die.

This was probably at least the fifth stupid noble council meeting he'd had to attend in the last two days. And all of it on fruitless arguments.

Two days ago, a large white tower had appeared. The people of Tethe'alla mostly didn't know what that meant—but the top nobility, the members of the highest echelons of government, did. This was what had happened before Tethe'alla had last been regenerated, 800 years ago. And now, the ambient mana in the air was declining, according to Meltokio's research laboratory. However, nothing else had happened. No Desians had appeared. None of the other things that were prophesized had happened.

The council wasn't discussing anything useful, though—of course not. Instead, they were squabbling about whose fault this might be. Many of them likely didn't even know about the other world, much less what must have happened. Zelos wondered about Sheena. Her assassination attempt must have failed…

Zelos sighed heavily and leaned back in his chair, staring around the table. The King of Tethe'alla—silent, as always, his pale face blank as he stared across the table. The Pope beside him, his beady eyes gleaming. Probably scheming as always.

His attention turned to the noble next to the Pope, across the table from Zelos—young and handsome, with long dark hair and eyes. Alai Vander, of the house of Vander. It had been headed by an old noble for a long time, and Zelos hadn't even known he had a son until he died under mysterious circumstances two years ago, and this young man stepped into his place. At the moment, he was smirking, reclining in the chair with ease, and his cool eyes were on the noble who was speaking. Then his gaze shifted. He met Zelos' eyes and winked.

Zelos crossed his arms, studying him. He wasn't sure what to make of the guy. It'd been a while since he'd been at any council meetings—and he chose now to show up? Then again, Zelos couldn't blame him—if it hadn't been part of his stupid agreement with Cruxis in exchange for eventual freedom from the title of Chosen, he wouldn't be attending, either.

"This has been prophesized for many years," one of the decrepit old fogies was saying. "Perhaps we have not properly followed the teachings of the Church—"

"We have followed every edict perfectly!" another snapped. "It must be those blasted half-elves. Only they could affect the mana—"

"A truly a fascinating argument," Vander interjected smoothly, and the two men glared at him. "I trust you both have a proposal about what should be done next?" They were silent, and Vander smirked, looking back at Zelos. "Chosen—what do you make of all this?"

Bastard. "I agree with Vander," Zelos said. "Squabbling over conjectured fault is pointless. Information is what we need, more than anything else. We should allow the research lab to investigate this, and reach out to Mizuho and the elves to see what they know. Not everything that was prophesized has occurred, after all—there are no Desians yet terrorizing the land." He noted the satisfied gleam in Vander's eyes and narrowed his own as he sat back again.

The Pope chimed in. "As expected of our debaucherous Chosen," he said, his voice oily as always. "He asks us to watch and wait—anything to avoid action. But we must protect our world of Tethe'alla! We must deploy all provincial forces at once to gather information and to screen any travelers, any without permits. We must tighten the restrictions on half-elves—before they act against us!" He looked over at the King, who appeared blank as ever. "Don't you agree, Your Majesty?"

"I…" The King paused, looking troubled. "Yes, yes of course."

The Pope leaned back in his chair, eyes gleaming in satisfaction, as the other nobles murmured around the table. "I suppose it is decided, then," he said. "Those of you with men at your disposal, redirect them to this task. I will redouble the checkpoints for traveling permits. And we will arrest all registered half-elves remaining free, and conscript them into mana research. All those in favor?"

Zelos crossed his arms. He noted Vander remained motionless, too, his gaze now unreadable. The Pope, King, and all three other men raised their hands. "Very well," the Pope said. "Council adjourned!"

The other men lost no time in exiting the hall, but as Zelos made to stand, Vander said, "Wait."

Zelos stood anyway, and walked around the table to where Vander sat. As he did so, Vander said, "I appreciate your backing me up there, Chosen." The words were of gratitude, but there was something amused in his tone.

"Yes, well," Zelos said, leaning against the wall near him. "As you've seen, I'm not exactly the most effective one to have on your side. All this political maneuvering is dreadfully boring. I'd rather be out with my hunnies, you see."

Vander grinned. "Of course. But you're still the Chosen—your word holds some weight." His eyes became more intense. "What do you make of the half-elf crackdown?"

A memory flashed into his mind—a pale-haired woman, the flash of magic…blood-soaked snow, and he answered more seriously than he usually would. "Half-elves can be dangerous," he said, "certainly. But I don't agree with blanket laws against them…restricting their freedom. You?"

"Dangerous, certainly." Vander stood, stepping away from the table. "But will antagonizing them, subjugating them, fomenting hate…work, forever?"

He remembered the desperation, the hate in the woman's gaze. How her hand had trembled as she cast the fateful spell. He shoved the memory away and pasted a carefree grin on his face.

"I wouldn't know. I'll leave that forecasting to someone more—"

"There are no women here, Zelos Wilder," Vander said, sharply. "I don't need your persona. Only your thoughts."

They stared at each other for a beat, assessing. This guy had obviously latched onto him for whatever reason—and Zelos didn't really want to get involved. It might make things troublesome. Then again, if he tried to avoid him, he might only get more persistent…

Zelos shrugged, putting up his hands as if in surrender. "Loosen up, will you? Let's grab a drink, then. I need something to distract me, if I'm going to be spending time talking to a guy."

Vander smiled, the intensity from before immediately hidden away. "Lead the way."

As they walked down the dark back streets of Meltokio, Zelos felt himself relaxing a bit more—even in the company of someone admittedly calculating, and definitely dangerous. It was only here that he had ever had reprieve—whether from his sterile home, his role as the Chosen, or the halls of the palace. Here that he could simply engage in pleasure, without thought. He hardly even cared, for once, that a light rain had started, misting his perfectly-styled hair, making it curl.

But when he attempted to lead Vander down the alleyway to his favorite bar, the other man stopped him, a hand briefly on his arm. "I know another place," he said, leaning closer so Zelos could hear. "Somewhere we can talk more freely."

Zelos sighed, but let himself be led. Why not, at this point? They walked farther, their footsteps splashing quietly on the wet stone of the street as they ducked into another side street, one much less lit. Under the cover of darkness, nobody spared him a second glance, or called out his identity as the Chosen. He could get used to that. Presently, Vander stopped at an unmarked, unassuming door—one that looked like a staff door to one of the adjoining businesses, though it wasn't clear which. Until Vander had paused at it, Zelos hadn't even noticed it. There was no handle—presumably it was an exit only. Zelos, intrigued despite himself, watched as Vander placed one palm on the door and knocked with the other, a long and complex series of knocks. The door swung open, and he didn't hesitate to follow Vander inside.

As they descended the dimly lit stairwell, the door swinging shut behind them, Zelos spoke. "This is more than just a casual place to talk, you know," he said, keeping his voice airy. "I presume you're not planning to assassinate the Chosen—too many people saw us exit the palace together for that. So why bring me to such a place?"

Vander paused on the steps, glancing back over his shoulder at Zelos. "Why? Are you planning to tell the Pope? The King?"

Vander couldn't be asking to actually get the answer—he knew very well that the Pope was the last person Zelos would tell about anything. "That sounds like there's something to tell," Zelos said aloud. "I presume this is part of Meltokio's underground. It's obvious that the half-elves have secret networks, after all. Dangerous information to expose to an agent of the state, no?"

Vander turned fully to face him, taking one step back up, his face close to Zelos's. "I know more than you think," he murmured, making Zelos strain to hear his words. "How you wish to abandon your role. How Cruxis has reached out to you."

Fuck. This guy isn't just a Tethe'allan noble. Pushing further on this, right now, in this stairwell, wasn't the right move. "Well, well," he breathed. "Then…lead on. Mister Vander. I hope I'm still at least going to get a drink out of all this."

There was a ghost of a smile on Vander's lips, before he turned and resumed his walk down the stairs. "Of course, Chosen."

"Call me Zelos," Zelos said casually, following him down the rest of the way, and paused at the bottom. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but it was indeed a bar—though on second glance, many of the patrons…were obviously half-elves—that unnatural mix of features, some with pointed ears, some with human ones—some lithe, like elves; others tall and burly. Vander put a hand casually on his shoulder.

"Then, call me Alai," he said, grinning. "Come. It's on me."

He followed Vander—Alai—over to the bar. "So you're more sympathetic to the half-elves than you let on, then," Zelos said. He made himself not look around the bar too obviously, not focus on any one half-elf. There were other humans, here, too—or were they just half-elves that passed really well?

"Perhaps," Alai said, as he gestured to the bartender. "Like I said. Subjugate a powerful people, push them underground…alienate even the ones who would have been on your side…not a good move, is it?"

Zelos couldn't help but agree. Sure, he'd been raised to distrust half-elves, that they were filthy, non-human creatures—and it was true that they were dangerous, different, often duplicitous—but the idea that they had underground networks, well…Zelos had never seen a reason to go after that. He would have done the same, in their position.

The bartender, a man with ears as pointed as an elf's but a broad, muscular frame, had made his way over. "Alai," he said cordially. "Back again. And your friend?" He trailed off as he looked at Zelos, and his face froze in shock. "This—he—" His gaze snapped back to Alai's. "Why would you bring him—"

Alai only smiled and pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket, handing it over to the man, who scanned it frantically. His face twisted for a moment, then morphed into a calm mask. "Well. You'd better know what you're doing." He looked back at Zelos. "My apologies, Cho—er—"

"No need," Zelos said, automatically. He didn't want to draw any more attention to himself in this place than strictly necessary. His flirtatious mask was not going to be useful here. "Just here for a drink. Anything you recommend is fine. I'm not picky."

The bartender nodded and stepped away. Zelos turned to Alai. "I hope you didn't just promise him you'd kill me after this meeting, so he didn't need to worry," he said lightly.

Alai smiled. "As you said, assassinating you would not be a smart move—at least not here and now. We were seen leaving the palace—and not only that, who would I trust to back me against the Pope, then?"

Way to come on strong. "And you're that certain I'll back you?"

"No." Alai crossed his legs, leaning his arm on the table. "But you don't like him, either. And you don't care about subjugating half-elves. All you care about is being liberated from your position. But are you so sure Cruxis will really grant you that?"

Zelos crossed his arms, his body stiff against the back of the barstool. "Who are you?"

Alai was grinning again. "Not pulling any punches, eh?"

"Neither are you. You're obviously connected to Cruxis. But not part of them, either."

"More to come with time," Alai said softly. "Tell me, Zelos. You want to know more. Are you willing to talk with one of my associates? I must warn you, though…speaking with him may be even more…destabilizing…than having a drink with me."

Zelos wondered how that could even be possible. But at this point, he couldn't afford not to know. Alai had struck at the heart of something he'd often wondered—was Cruxis even telling the truth about releasing him from his position? Or were they just using him, stringing him along?

"Why not," he said. He took a sip of the drink the bartender had unceremoniously left at some point during the conversation. It was sweet, but with an edge of danger. "Is he a half-elf?"

"I'll let him speak for himself on that," Alai said. "In fact—he's here, now. If you're open to it."

Okay, that was fast. Zelos steeled himself. "Sure. Where?"

Alai stood, beckoned to the bartender, who walked back over. Alai whispered something to him, and the man nodded. "Please, follow me."

Against his better judgement, Zelos threw back the rest of his drink and followed the two men past rows of booths and into a hallway, where the bartender knocked on one of the doors.

"Come in," came an even voice from inside. And they entered.

The room was cozy, well-lit—full of plush chairs, a round table in the middle. There was a slender man seated on one of the chairs, his legs crossed. He looked shockingly young, and his skin was pale, his eyes green, his long hair light. The ears were long, pointed. There was none of the usual unsettling mix of features—nothing about this guy looked human. As his gaze fell on the two of them, he grinned.

"Alai—you made it. And you were able to bring him, as well." His eyes burned into Zelos as he said this, scanning, assessing. "Fascinating. Truly a pleasure, to finally meet Tethe'alla's Chosen. After so much secondhand knowledge."

Alai stepped forward, taking a seat on the sofa opposite the elfin man, and Zelos followed, sitting next to Alai, not betraying any of his wariness in his movements. "I can't say the same," he said. "Haven't heard of you, myself."

The smile only sharpened. "I shouldn't give you my name just yet, Zelos. Not until I know what you plan to do. And I'm sure we both agree that giving a false name would be entirely pointless, if we both knew that was what I was doing?"

"So your true name is a liability, huh?" Zelos said, leaning back, studying the unnervingly pretty man—and coming from Zelos, that was saying something. "With your friend's casual mentions of Cruxis, that tells me something. You're afraid I'll go back to them with your name. Which means they know you—and may not know you're not on their side."

He expected surprise, defensiveness—but instead, the other man laughed delightedly, leaning forward. "Well, well. You really are more than just a playboy, aren't you? I'd suspected, but I didn't expect you to reveal your fangs this quickly. Still, you're jumping to very specific conclusions. Whether it's Cruxis, the elves, or another group I fear exposure to…you can't really know, can you?"

"I have no inroads to the elves…or other groups," Zelos shot back. He didn't like the way the man looked at him, with amusement and interest, maybe even attraction. "But you evidently know of my connection to Cruxis."

"I do," the man said, still sounding amused. "How Pronyma approached you, years ago. How you've been dancing on the end of their string, hoping that they'll finally release you from your burden."

His heart was beating fast, but he pushed down the anger, forced himself not to be baited. How did these bastards know so much? "So you do have inside knowledge of Cruxis," he pointed out. "Now that I know that, I could very well describe your appearance to them—tell them of this meeting. Whether you give me your name or not."

"You could," came the immediate response. "But you won't. You don't know what game you're playing, don't even know enough to be sure whether telling them that would harm you more than it would help you." Tone still amused, but precise, sharp. The man looked him up and down, slowly, and Zelos kept himself from reacting, from crossing his legs. The next words were low, almost seductive. "If you're that curious about me…and want to get to know me better…I can tell you my name. It's Rai."

Zelos glanced at Alai, who sat next to him, and realized his gaze was fixed on Rai—rapt with attention, maybe even hunger. He looked away. Fuck. Whatever was going on between these two, he wanted no part of it. "Fine. Whatever your name is. What the hell do you want from me, anyway?"

"You don't want your role as the Chosen," Rai said. The intimate quality to his voice had gone away, and now it was flat, clear. Why was it so hard to get a read on this bastard? "You feel that it should have gone to Seles—whether now, or…at that time, all those years ago." A cold, knowing tone at the end, like he was well aware what he was poking at. Zelos forced himself to breathe normally. "So you'll even work with Cruxis, the very ones who made your life the hell that it is, if they'll only release you. But tell me this, Zelos—does Seles really deserve this burdensome role? Will pushing it onto her really make you free?"

There was a familiar pressure in his chest, suffocating him. "Who are you to judge?" he snapped. "Seles would make a better—"

"And if there was another way?" Rai interrupted, his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward, gaze intense. "If dismantling the whole Chosen system—and Cruxis with it—was possible…what then? Maybe nobody has to be burdened with this anymore. Like you, like your father before you…" He paused. "Or perhaps escaping it yourself is all that matters—Seles be damned. Even then, I know you don't believe Cruxis will release you of the burden easily. Not when they know that's their leverage against you."

The cornering was too precise, nearly surgical. He was right, too, that was the maddening part. "And what is it you want from me, Rai?"

Rai didn't smile. "I think you can guess. Want to hazard one?"

Fuck. This bastard. "You oppose Cruxis. You're working against them, for some goal of your own. And you think the Chosen of Tethe'alla would be useful."

Rai took a casual sip of his drink, an odd blue concoction. "This system is certainly far from perfect, isn't it? But you wouldn't just be useful, Zelos. You would be an invaluable ally. You could take down the Pope—who I know you despise. You could act against Cruxis—a role only you can do, as their spy, as Chosen. And I could be useful to you, too. As you can tell, I'm far from powerless, myself. And Cruxis…isn't as untouchable as they make themselves out to be."

He found himself tempted. But he wasn't going to agree to anything like this—ambushed, manipulated, in unfamiliar territory. "Perhaps. Is there anything useful you can tell me, then—rather than just lording information over me?"

"I do apologize for that," Rai said. He didn't sound all that sorry, but he didn't sound mocking, either. He poured some of that blue drink into another glass and offered it to Zelos, who took it—why the hell not? "I'll tell you this—and I'm sure I don't need to tell you to avoid disclosing it to anyone else. The Chosen of Sylvarant reached the end of her Journey, and activated the final key. But the Regeneration wasn't fully completed. Despite that, the mana flow has already reversed. If things continue down this path, if we don't come up with another solution…Tethe'alla will go into decline. And the Chosen system will only be reified—forced marriages, births, until the mana lineage can produce another Chosen of Regeneration—one who can save Tethe'alla from its fate once again, as the last Chosen did 800 years ago."

It was similar to what he'd expected, but hearing it aloud didn't make him feel any better. "Even though the Regeneration wasn't completed fully?"

Rai shrugged. "Yes, that part is a bit odd. It's hard to predict exactly what will happen. But perhaps keeping the Chosen of Sylvarant from completing it fully will protect Tethe'alla in some way. Her friends have no intentions of allowing her to do so, anyway—they weren't too happy about her having to die, you see."

Zelos gritted his teeth. It was a stark reminder of how the Chosen system was paralleled in the other world—that there was someone else out there—a girl who had been forced to bear the burden he had, but worse—to die for the world.

"And what next?" he pressed.

Rai looked at him. "Nothing, for now. Just think on what I've said. On whether you want to lie down and die—or whether you want to make sure nobody has to go through what you went through. Oh, and—if the Sylvaranti Chosen's group shows up, there may be an opportunity to join their group as a spy. Keep an eye out for that, will you?"

Is he clairvoyant, or something? "Fine," Zelos said. "I would say it was nice to meet you, but…"

Rai smiled. "The pleasure was all mine."

The room was quiet after Zelos departed. Rai picked up his drink and finally let himself look at Alai, who was staring at him in a very dangerous way—elated, fascinated, but nearly predatory.

"I think that went well," Rai said lightly, and took a sip.

This seemed to break whatever reverie Alai had been in. His body relaxed. "More than well," he said, pouring himself a drink as well. "I suppose your suspiciously exhaustive knowledge applies not only to matters about the world and Cruxis, but also the Chosen's personal life. Why am I surprised at this point?"

Rai couldn't help but laugh. It was true, it really was unfair, from Alai's perspective. It wasn't that Rai was smarter than him—he just had essentially supernatural knowledge due to the game knowledge from Akira. There was no way Alai could match that, but he was still trying, the adorable bastard.

"There are still things you know that I don't, Alai," he pointed out. "And things you can do. I wouldn't even have access to Zelos without you."

Alai shook his head, drinking his glass in one long draught and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Sure, sure. Flatter me from up there. I'll drag you down from your throne eventually."

"It isn't just flattery," Rai insisted, but he was laughing again and knew Alai was annoyed by it. "Really, Alai. Don't be that way. Or do you want to strip me down to a towel again, to gain some power back?"

That gaze from before, again. "I wouldn't mind," Alai said softly, dangerously. "But it wouldn't help. I want more than that."

Rai hid his reaction by crossing his legs, reaching for the bottle again. "Your human disguise is…interesting. I'm surprised they buy it."

Alai scoffed, and let it melt away as he sat back, the black hair becoming purple, his ears pointed again, his face subtly shifting. "Despite their clumsy attempts at subduing half-elves, humans simply don't have the finesse to do it properly. Look at all the underground networks—the many half-elves that have infiltrated their own society. Idiots like the Pope have little understanding of how far it goes."

"I like you better without it," Rai said simply, ignoring the diatribe, and Alai froze for a moment. Then he relaxed back into casual ease.

"So do I," he said darkly, and Rai knew it must be maddening, even humiliating, to have to hide his true appearance just to be able to move through society. Unlike Rai, Alai couldn't pass for an elf—he was too tall, too muscular—just slightly too tan, though still pale. And—

"Thanks again," Rai said softly. "For the ring. Letting me use it. It's the only reason I can move with this much freedom."

Alai smiled slightly. "It belongs with you. …Not me." Before Rai could respond to this, he stood, stretching, his shirt rising to reveal his toned stomach. Rai let his gaze move up back to his face, as Alai continued, "Let's go. We've lingered here long enough. And you have other pawns to entrap, don't you?"

That was true enough. Rai finished the rest of his drink, enjoying the slight fizz of mana in his veins, and stood too. He walked over, placing a hand gently on Alai's back. "Don't forget to replace the glamour," he murmured, and Alai sighed.

"Yeah. I know."