Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He was created to be a cure and a weapon. Nothing else. 

The Professor had always been clear about his purpose in life—why he brought him into the world, why he crossed the line of morality so he could be there, listening to his words, passing the tests, becoming the vessel of all his faith—not just as a scientist, but as a desperate grandfather. 

Gerald Robotnik was a genius with a heart that tried to catch up, but ended up shattered when Shadow failed in his most important purpose. 

Sometimes, Shadow wondered, if Maria had died from her illness, would the Professor have had more compassion, been in his corner, stood as his defender against the army’s mistreatment? To them, he was just their weapon—one whose only flaw was his ability to speak and all that time wasted with a dreamer of a girl instead of training for his future function. Would the grief have been lesser, more manageable? Would Shadow have simply suffered a silent abandonment? Or would the Professor’s rage have burnt just as brightly, his hatred flaring with the intensity that made him spit truths Shadow didn’t need to hear after losing his dear friend but maybe deserved to?

It had been a long time since he spiralled into this vortex of what ifs. 

In the Blank Space, in the midst of pain and anguish, watching the first family he ever had vanish like a fleeting but soothing dream, resigning himself to the fact that they were headed down death’s corridor without knowing it, there had been a ray of light, sparking a long-crushed seed from fifty years past. 

He had seen the father he once thought he had imagined, now through the lens of social experience he lacked back then.

The patient, rational, and curious man who shared theories with him, who taught him with a demanding yet tender edge, as if he were his son and not an experiment. 

It was bittersweet. On one hand, knowing he had not idealized the Professor. On the other, bearing the weight of knowing he had been mostly responsible for the descent into madness of a man with so much untapped potential despite his advanced age.

The question resurfaced again. 

If Maria had succumbed to her illness, would the guilt have been shared?  Would the grief have been lived by both of them, better navigated by Shadow, then with an expert hand to help him row through the emotional storm toward a safe shore? 

The Professor bore more guilt than he should for not progressing as fast as he wanted, as fast as he expected, as fast as his family on Earth demanded, angry for having lost their daughter and sister in a research that used her as a test subject. 

If only they had seen the tears, the outbursts, the desperation when the scientists went to sleep and only a handful of soldiers remained guarding the base and watching over the humans aboard the ARK. 

If only they had witnessed what Shadow had to, served as a shoulder to cry on, hoping that his own feelings of guilt and inadequacy would lessen the burden on this good man who only wanted his family to be happy and healthy, the bare minimum one should expect from life. 

Maybe, if time and not fate had been their enemy, Shadow wouldn’t have lost a father along with a sister. 

Maybe, if he had taken the bullet, he would have healed and become the weapon the army had asked for. 

Maybe, if he had placed Maria in the pod, they would have imprisoned him and stolen years of his life, making him undergo a time jump brought forth by a Professor who had fought to ensure his creation wouldn’t be taken from him and used against his hopes. 

Maybe, if the Professor had still been executed, Gerald’s son and his wife could have gotten their daughter back and enjoyed the little time she had left. And she could have played and shared joyful moments with her real sister, not a substitute that couldn’t meet all her needs nor fill the void left by the little sister she barely knew and only interacted with through letters and home videos.

And maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe... 

He drowned in maybes. Sank in them.

Rouge told him it was a waste of time.  That even if he could have taken the Professor and Maria out of the Blank Space without consequences, he was no longer the same Shadow, and it would be a tough adjustment for them all. That ruminating on what ifs was the intelligent person’s way of wasting time without indulging in the mundane hobbies of the 21st century. 

Omega stated that his life had X reasons to become what it was now, and that altering them after the fact was foolish and thus out of character for someone like Shadow. 

Sonic simply told him to allow himself to feel. To cry. To get angry. To snap. To isolate.  To seek comfort in social interactions to avoid what was still raw. Whatever he needed in the moment. To let himself be taken care of. And if he didn’t know how to let others do it, then to do it himself—without surrendering his freedom and autonomy to anyone else. That it was time he decided how to manage his energy, his pain. That fifty years had passed for him in the literal blink of an eye, and he was still stuck because no one had let him process anything. And no one had the right to criticize if it took him ten months or ten years to move on.

Against all odds, that was the advice he most needed to hear. 

And maybe that’s why Shadow gravitated toward Sonic after that. 

Toward his races, his childish competitions, their back-and-forths, their rivalry turned healthy, his bad jokes, his loud and radiant presence. Everything that made Sonic who he was—what used to drive him mad but was now healing him, soothing his soul. With Sonic, he could be and the blue hedgehog would never hold it against him. If anything, his advice made one thing clear: Sonic wasn’t an idiot, and he understood mental gymnastics better than Shadow gave him credit for. 

Only now did he realize that if Sonic had raised Tails when he was barely a teenager himself, he must know at least a little psychology, however basic. After all the chaos with that damned Prism, it was obvious; without Sonic and his influence, Tails was just a Shadow without a Maria.

And after feeling Sonic literally fade in his grasp, Shadow knew he wasn’t as healed as he thought, and the line that separated him from Sonic’s friends had become as blurred as the hero he barely saved.

“How did you know Knuckles meant more to you than I did?”  he dared ask Rouge one afternoon, during a movie and couch session he joined by inertia.

The bat choked on her soda. After a few pats on the back, she stared at him wide-eyed, ears so perked they could’ve touched the ceiling.

“Knuckles doesn’t mean more to me than you.”

“I’m not in one of those… what do you call them? External validation spirals?”

“Reminders that you’re loved.”

“Whatever. I meant, how do you know you felt different to the echidna than to me? Or Omega, or Topaz, or anyone else you like.”

Rouge studied him, eyes narrowed, brain kicked into full gear, yanked out of her downtime with no warning.

“Well…” she started, just to stop him from brushing it off and storming out before she could chase him. But even then, she wasn’t quite sure how to answer.  “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I just… know?”

“In what sense?”

Rouge pondered once more. “Well… I don’t know. It’s like… You just know.” 

“If I understood that answer, I wouldn’t keep asking.” 

“Yeah, yeah, sorry… Hm… I guess… I don’t want to cuddle you—No, that’s a lie, you are cuddly and I like doing it.” 

“I’m not cuddly.” 

“Of course you are.” 

“I’m a literal hedgehog.” 

“And yet, you’ve never pricked me when I’ve caught you in my arms.” 

“You don’t catch me, I let you.” 

“My point still stands.” 

“You’re dodging the question.” 

“No, this is how a normal conversation flows—” 

“IF I MAY,” Omega’s voice buzzed from the armchair, sunken under his weight and therefore entirely surrendered to him. “THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE SENSATION OF FRIENDSHIP AND THAT OF BEING IN LOVE LIES IN THE BRAIN, HORMONAL, AND BEHAVIORAL SYSTEMS INVOLVED IN EACH BOND. IN FRIENDSHIP, BRAIN AREAS ASSOCIATED WITH AFFECTION, EMPATHY, AND COOPERATION ARE ACTIVATED. THESE INCLUDE THE MEDIAL PREFRONTAL CORTEX, ANTERIOR CINGULATE CORTEX—” 

“Omega, you’re ruining rom-coms that haven’t even premiered yet for me.” 

“UNLIKELY.” 

“Okay, hun,” Rouge focused on him again. “With a partner, you want a certain exclusivity and you do things you wouldn’t with friends.” 

“AND WHAT ABOUT OPEN RELATIONSHIPS?” 

“Yeah, well, it’s a pretty broad spectrum—” 

“THE FALLING-IN-LOVE PROCESS FLUCTUATES AND CAN FADE OVER TIME. FRIENDSHIPS TEND TO GROW STRONGER.” 

“Tell that to all my high school friends…” 

“IF YOU’RE UNBEARABLE AS AN ADULT, YOU MUST HAVE BEEN A NIGHTMARE AS A TEENAGER.” 

“Says the champion of social norms!” 

“Thank you for not answering me,” snapped Shadow, standing up before a cushion meant for someone else hit him. 

“Just ask Sonic already… It’s not like he’s exactly traditional when it comes to relationships.” 

Shadow didn’t dignify that with a verbal response. He simply slammed the front door on his way out.

He decided not to follow Rouge’s advice and simply wait for things to settle down. 

Yes, he hadn’t felt that churn in his stomach when he was with Rouge, his face didn’t burn when she teased him in good humour, and his heart didn’t sink with dread when he saw her interact with someone who might’ve shown interest in her beyond friendship. There was that fear that one day she’d realize he wasn’t worth it and find someone better to spend her time with, someone who wouldn’t snap at her or go silent or just be generally unpleasant. But he felt that way with everyone, so it didn’t count. 

Even if with Sonic, that fear intensified.

He had never almost lost Rouge in the way he almost lost Sonic. There had been close calls due to the life they lived and the futile yet persistent attempts of the doctor, but he’d never had to carry her in his arms while her body faded from existence. 

Thinking about it, imagining it, sure, it made his pulse spike. 

But remembering Sonic like that crushed his chest until he couldn’t breathe. 

He supposed reality hit much harder than imagination.

That his mood soured when he saw Sonic alone with Amy, chatting, laughing, and basically doing things he couldn’t do with Shadow because he lacked the right, positive, complementary traits, because his insecurity pushed him to improve or he’d be left behind. 

That almost losing Sonic forever, not because he had done something wrong, something unforgivable—though he wasn’t sure if, after trying to destroy the Earth and everyone Sonic loved, there was anything Sonic couldn’t forgive him for—but because he had almost failed to save him, because he had almost failed to protect an innocent life sacrificed for him once again… 

And that had left a mark. And worsened his fears.

He guessed he’d been unsuccessful. 

If having more of his belongings at Sonic’s house than at Rouge’s apartment, sleeping more nights at Sonic’s than with his siblings, eating breakfast there before work and dinner after his shift meant anything, that is. 

That strange sensation in his stomach every time Sonic was near hadn’t gone away. If anything, it had grown. 

But Sonic seemed happy with the arrangement, so he didn’t try to fix it. You can’t fix what isn’t broken. That would be illogical and stupid.

Even so, Rouge’s words didn’t seem to align with whatever it was they were doing. “Dating” was what Tails called it when he wanted to tease him for the day, excusing it by saying he didn’t like Shadow for his brother. But what they had didn’t look like the novels Maria used to write in her spare time, dragging him to act them out when she was having a good day; it wasn’t what Rouge watched on TV; it wasn’t what Amy dreamt it’d happen to her one day. 

They hadn’t kissed, hadn’t confessed, and didn’t call each other boyfriend. In fact, Shadow doubted anyone besides their respective siblings even knew. Not that he minded. He didn’t think Sonic would like judging looks for lowering himself to be with someone like Shadow, even unofficially. And Shadow wasn’t one to share his life with anyone.

He liked what they had. 

Maybe too much. 

He couldn’t lose this.

He never told Sonic how strongly he felt, in case it scared him off. 

But he did need to know why Sonic even put up with him in the first place so he wouldn’t falter. And so, after gathering his courage one day, he just asked him:

“Why did you choose me?”

Sonic didn’t hesitate. “I don’t think I chose you. It just happened,” and he had a flash of that afternoon, so many months ago, when Rouge had given him a similar answer. His stomach leapt with joy not reflected on his face.

“I’m glad it was you, though,” Sonic continued. 

“Why?” he insisted. 

“Because you’re good. Caring. Thoughtful… Why are you with me?” 

“None of your business.” 

“It kinda is?”

He never answered him, but something must’ve amused Sonic, something he must’ve seen on his eyes, because he just curled up closer to him on the bed until he fell asleep on top of him. Shadow had grown used to his weight, which helped him fall asleep; an anchor to his reality, to the present, not to a past in suspension. 

He realized he didn’t want to lose that either. 

‘Good, caring, and thoughtful’ if he refused to do what was asked of him, he’d be proving the opposite and he’d lose this.

Shadow was selfish. He was selfish when he didn’t do everything in his power to break the pod and put Maria in his place, for not stepping in front of the bullet, for not saving the Professor and letting himself be locked away, for wanting to make the world pay for his loss, for holding Sonic down when he should’ve been as free as the wind. Let him be what he couldn’t. 

Perhaps, one day, Sonic would realize he had agreed to carry around an egotistic hindrance by his side, but if Shadow could drag it out just a little longer, he would.

“Commander?”

Abraham already had his eyes on the door when Shadow knocked, opening it without waiting for a response.

“I agree to your petition.”

Abraham looked surprised. There was a flicker of something in his eyes, his lips pressed into a thin line. Shadow paid it no mind. Abraham always wore that grim expression when he had to speak to Shadow, or vice versa. He supposed it was an undeserved penance for having to watch over the one responsible for losing a great friend and his family.

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes.” 

Abraham hesitated before rising with a heavy sigh. “Then I’ll inform Adela. Wait in the medical bay.”

He could do this. He could undergo medical procedures, tests, be analysed, studied. It was the first thing he learnt to do when he came into the world. 

He supposed that this time, given the opportunity, he could fulfil his father's frustrated dream. Even if he wasn’t the granddaughter the Professor had in mind, he could finally carry out his other mission by helping the sister from whom he’d stolen a noble soul to grow up with. One that Adela deserved more than Shadow, who had only agreed to help her for selfish reasons rather than to make up for the harm he had done.

Shadow nodded and headed toward the medical bay. 

One day, perhaps, his selfishness would come to light, and they would leave him and hate him—just like the Professor had, upon seeing what a failure he truly was. 

Until then, he would simply do as he was told in order to keep what he had managed to get. Silent obedience was the second thing he had been taught to do, and he was good at it. He only had to remind himself what he was created for to get back in that mindset.

Chapter Text

"Tails, do you think Shadow’s acting strange?"

His brother stopped dead in his tracks; Knuckles' battered communicator, about to be fixed, forgotten on the messy desk. Tails took off his goggles, making his deadpan look fully visible, and Sonic mirrored it with great skill.

"Yeah, sure," the fox humoured him after a moment of stubborn silence that lasted just a bit too long. "Shadow’s acting weird, Amy’s in love with life, Knuckles is clueless, and you are asking obvious questions. What even is this conversation?"

"Buddy, I’m serious."

"So am I."

"Don’t you see him a bit concerned and standoffish?"

"That’s just him."

"Well, he’s starting to worryme."

That managed to earn some sympathy from his little brother. "Shadow has never been a sharer. I still don’t even know his favourite colour, and he’s been your boyfriend for almost a year."

"Purple," Sonic replied easily. "And I know he’s secretive, but this is different. Well, I shouldn't have bothered you with this, sorry, buddy. What are you working on today?"

"I’m fixing Knuckles’ latest victim," the fox answered cheerfully, spinning his chair to face the device in question. "I’m making a graphene coating. Let’s see if the third time’s the charm."

Sonic ruffled his brother’s hair, earning one last annoyed look before Tails put his goggles back on. "I’m sure it will work, little bro. And if not, I’m sure you’ll invent your own graphene."

Tails let out a laugh. "That's one of my resolutions for this year."

"Go for it, then!"

"Sonic."

"Yeah?"

"Don’t worry about Shadow. He cares about you. When he’s ready, he’ll talk to you."

Sonic's smile would’ve faltered if it weren’t used to stay put in the most precarious situations. "Since when are you so wise?"

"A survival instinct I developed after moving in with you."

"Hey!"

Okay, it was a bit sad that Sonic had to drag his eight-year-old brother into his romantic messes... Just messes. Although they strayed from social norms, Shadow and he had reached a kind of understanding and comfort zone where they could both expand and introspect whenever they saw fit, counting on the other’s presence as a pillar instead of an obstacle.

Sonic had spent years scoffing at Amy’s definition of love, something the pink hedgehog described as a ‘state of silent comfort.’ Sonic told her that just by the definition, he didn’t fit the criteria, and she reminded him that if anyone knew about silences, it was him.

She had been just as cheeky as she was now when she teased him for his eyes lingering on Shadow’s figure for too long.

Amy had been a constant in his life. He couldn't remember, since he left his parents' house, a moment when the pink hedgehog wasn't by his side — whether as an unrequited and abrasive crush, a loyal friend, wise advisor, or party buddy.

For a time, Sonic found himself crushed by karma for believing that the 'someone' he always heard about would end up being Amy, because they fit well if they ignored his need for freedom and her desire to share every second together. He thought that as he settled into his new normal, it might work out. He even brought it up once and she assured him she wasn't the one for him.

Sonic didn’t believe her until Shadow appeared for a second time in his life.

After months of mourning, of nightmares filled with his golden, fading form plummeting toward the Earth, of moments of pause plagued with guilt that caught up with him no matter how fast he ran, Shadow had showed up in front of him and his friends, with Rouge and Omega by each side, amnesiac but still in for a fight and in sync with him. As if nothing had happened at all. As if all those grieving months had been imagined. They were erased the moment Sonic’s eyes fell on him, his heart fluttering, mind telling him it was some illusion, some trick from Eggman to mess with him. But why would Eggman think Shadow of all people would made him crumble? Even though the joined forces by the end, he’d been a thorn on Sonic’s side since the doctor released him from stasis. And most importantly, Shadow had used Eggman when the man thought it was the other way around, and Eggman had the emotional maturity of a rock. No offense to rocks around the globe.

Eggman seemed to have some kind of personal vendetta and hatred towards the ebony hedgehog, proving Sonic’s theories right. If it was only about Shadow’s 'betrayal' or the disappointment in his grandfather, who, according to what he’d heard, had been an inspiration since his younger years, Sonic never truly knew for sure. Maybe it was a mix of both.

The doctor hated Sonic because he was ungovernable and mocked him every time they met, apparently immune to his threats and attacks. As for Shadow, he despised him because he was a family legacy that became an opposing force instead of an obedient minion. He tried when Shadow was at his lowest, had gone as far as looked for, took and encased him as a relic and still failed to be Shadow be on his side, and Sonic figured that’s where his hatred took root. Shadow might have more brutal methods that did not always aligned with Sonic’s philosophy, but he always did what he thought was best and right and had the best intentions at heart.

And Sonic was lost since he saw him saving Earth for the second time on his own, going against all voices around but the one that bloomed from within. Shadow had Sonic’s trust and, since that moment, his heart, too, even if the Blue Blur had a hard time coming to terms with it.

The thing with him was that he didn’t ‘fall in love’ as it was portrayed or ‘felt attracted’. Attached, yes. Drawn, sure. Curious, absolutely. Comfortable, no doubt. But there was something in the way he wanted Shadow to be an exclusive part of his life that wasn’t like the case for Sonic’s other friends or by how he’d expect ‘love’ to feel like. At least, not the kind of love he thought Shadow deserved. Perhaps, Shadow needed someone more in line to what a partner should be like, and maybe he’d go look for one when this deal he had with Sonic had come to its end, but by the time being, Sonic just enjoyed whatever they had. Their races, their meals, their shared time, their confidences.

The latter each time scarcer.

Sonic wasn’t exaggerating when he said Shadow’s actions were weird. Although distant and taciturn, Shadow had moments of intimacy that Sonic was the sole target of. He knew about the nightmares, the meltdowns, the silent anxiety creeping if left to his own mind for too long. Learnt Shadow’s need to keep himself busy and never enjoying a sunset or just the scenery of a blooming field or the quiet whisper of night was because his mind was always so much louder it hurt. Either by migraines or heartache, it chased Shadow to the ends of the world as guilt had haunted Sonic.

Shadow had never asked Sonic to slow down, but had made him want to stop and be still just for him until he was back on track, back to his usual snarky and curt self. Had managed to make Sonic want to stay put in the same place for the rest of his life without complaint, probably because Shadow hadn’t asked such of him and didn’t expect to, either. He had taught Sonic that the red thread of destiny didn’t have to weight as chains as he’d thought, but could be a fun tug of war that kept him on his toes and exhilarated.

Shadow's avoidance, lack of eye contact, and the hums or monosyllables that had become the norm over the past week had worried Sonic enough to make his stomach twist. He thought about asking Rouge, but he didn’t want to make the situation worse by breaking the trust Shadow had placed in him. Besides, he assumed that if the agony grew with each passing day, it meant Rouge didn't know anything. Either that, or she had become bad at giving advice, which was unlikely.

He had opted to ask Shadow directly, too, but always received a ‘no’ in response to his ‘Is something wrong? Do you want to talk about something?’. The only variation was when Sonic tried a humoristic approach by asking, ‘Penny for your thoughts?’ and Shadow had replied that he didn’t have any change. And while it was funny and endearing, it didn’t dispel the hero’s doubts.

That's why he ruled out going to Amy, having exhausted the two main courses of action: waiting and addressing the issue with Shadow. Maybe she had a third ace up her sleeve, but Sonic didn’t want to bother her, feeling that airing Shadow's problems, even without knowing what those said problems were in the first place, would be a betrayal, involving an outsider in their issues. Shadow liked Amy, but that didn’t mean he’d be okay with her being their situationship counsellor.

Sonic chose, then, before taking that drastic step and accepting the consequences, to ask Tails, who lived with them, if he had noticed anything strange or knew something. His brother and Shadow weren’t best friends and maybe never would be, but there was a cordiality born from the affection they had for him separately that kept the house from becoming a battlefield. So, even though the chances of Shadow sharing what troubled him with the kid were slim, Tails had always been perceptive for his age and might have a theory to guide Sonic down a path he hadn't tried yet.

“Shadow cares about you; when he’s ready, he’ll tell you,” the fox had assured him, demonstrating his faith in him was founded with his precocious intelligence.

There was something odd about people vocalizing thoughts rooted in one’s mind; hearing them from an external voice made them sound like a better idea and managed to recharge patience. Sonic still felt uneasy, but less burdened. Whatever was worrying Shadow, he would tell when he thought it was appropriate. Probably when he solved it on his own. Problems, when turned into anecdotes, became easier to share, stripped of the weight of needing help.

His phone rang, making him stop dead right at the edge of the bustling city at the start of the week. Sonic stretched, noticing the knots in his muscles loosening and the anxiety evaporating through his pores. He even let out a small, incredulous laugh when he saw Rouge’s name on the caller ID. There might be some truth to telepathic connections because the bat rarely called him.

“Hey, Rouge, what’s up?”

She barely let him finish the sentence before hurriedly demanding, “Sonic, you need to go to GUN now. Shadow needs—”

And he didn’t wait for her to finish either. He was already running toward the building where Shadow worked.

It was a foretold disaster, just that Shadow didn’t want to admit it, less in front of GUN’s scientific team and Abraham.

As soon as he saw the cylindrical chamber, his skin crawled and his jaw clenched so tightly that his temples throbbed like the prelude to an impending migraine.

They weren’t going to lock him up. Not this time, at least.

This wasn’t about the distrust his so-called co-workers felt toward him. This was about helping improve Adela’s quality of life. He wasn’t main character here. He had to stop being so self-centred.

“Shadow?” Daria’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts, and her hazel eyes soothed him, reminded him he also needed to breathe.

“So,” she continued, “we don’t have much recent data on you beyond the one of fifty years ago, and after that, it’s mostly surface-level, from when you were... well, asleep.”

Forced into a coma. Years of his life taken away. Frozen imprisonment.

It was so cold there. Perhaps, too cold? It was September. It was starting to cool down, but this much? His fingers were tingling.

Was this some kind of trap? Were they trying to incapacitate him? Space had always been cold, but the ARK had been so warm… Until it was only cold. Coldness and looping memories and helplessness…

This place was sterile, frozen, depersonalized, and so loudly silent.

It had to be this way. Back on the ARK, the room hadn’t been any bigger than this cramped rectangular space, where the team could barely move freely without bumping into the chairs. The monitor lights hurt his eyes. Why did they have the brightness so high? And why had they closed the door? Did no one else know they were here? Did Rouge know? Why hadn’t he mentioned anything? Would Abraham have told her, seeing that they lived together and were practically friends? Would Omega notice if he went missing and raise the alarm? Would they hurt him if he dared to come help? Should he have told him? He wouldn’t have been much of a makeshift therapist, but the robot had a degree of loyalty that flesh-and-blood people could only dream of.

He had been an idiot. He should have told someone what he was going to do. He should have told Sonic, Vanilla, heck, even Tails. Someone who would know that if he disappeared, it wasn’t out of whim or need this time, but imposed.

GUN wouldn’t dare lock him away until he was useful again, until they learned to tame him like they once asked the Professor. Now, far more people knew about his existence; what happened fifty years ago was public knowledge... But Shadow wasn’t exactly liked by the public, to begin with. He was tolerated even in close circles because of the approval Sonic had given him, nothing more.

GUN wouldn’t dare turn the hero against them, because Sonic was beloved and admired by a great many people, and that could put their recovering reputation at risk.

No, they couldn’t do anything to him...

The place reeked of cables, monitors, and overworked computer towers, and everything was so similar… The sounds and the smells were the same, the white of the room that awaited him, the chamber he was supposed to enter and let them do as they wished, the offering of his body, his will, his space—But they couldn’t. They weren’t going to pull the same trick again.

They couldn’t lock Shadow away again, not while Sonic still put up with him, while Rouge still found him useful, not until they could figure out how Omega worked so they could tinker with him at will. There was too much at stake. He was safe.

He had said yes to this. He had agreed. Adela needed his help. Maria would have wanted him to help her sister. She wanted him to help the entire planet; her sister couldn’t be the exception but the priority.

“So, we want to run some tests to check for compatibility,” Daria kept explaining, looking at some papers, unaware of his internal turmoil. “I know about your blood and DNA, but I’d feel better if I had the data in front of me and could draw my own conclusions. Are you okay with this?”

Adela depends on you.

“Maria depends on you”.

“Shadow, focus, this is important. She is important. You’re the key. I know you are. I’ve worked so hard. You have to be.”

You can’t be afraid of some cylindrical chamber. You can’t be so selfish. You can’t be so useless. Not again. You can’t—

“Shadow,” Abraham’s voice boomed, and Shadow’s attention returned to the commander, unintentionally slipping to the rest of the scientific team behind him.

He was nothing but a specimen to study, a phenomenon too vast for their simple minds to grasp, too rare to fit in as just another GUN agent; too alive to be used at will.

Why did the professor make him a hybrid? Why did he have to be a pawn in a half-finished game when he came to? Why couldn’t he stop being angry about things that didn’t even matter compared to his failure?

“Daria asked you a question.”

“Shadow, I’m asking you a question. Answer.”

“Focus, Shadow, please. This is for Maria.”

No. Maria was dead. She was dead because of him.

He was useless. He was going to fail again. He was going to ruin everything again. Why was he here? Why did he decide to do this? Why was he going to ruin another innocent Robotnik’s life—?

“Because you’re good. Caring. Thoughtful…”

Sonic.

He didn’t want to lose him. He couldn’t afford to lose him.

He had to do this for him. For Adela. He could help her. He could atone. Fix it.

“You will fix what you broke. It was all your fault”.

“With all due, respect, Commander,” Daria looked at Abraham with concern. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Agreed... Shadow, why don’t we step outside for a moment and we talk?”

<<Shadow, come here, I need to talk to you.

He’s not cooperating.

It gives me the creeps.

He doesn’t talk. He just stares.

It’s impossible to work like this.

Please, Shadow, you have to try. For Maria. Don’t you want to help Maria? Please...>>.

“I’m sorry.”

His voice came out rough, stumbling, as if he hadn’t used it in years. Like he hadn’t used it in five decades. His throat ached just from using a gift he shouldn’t have had in the first place. Why did the Professor bother making him talk? He knew sign language; he didn’t need to communicate with words. Why would he do such thing in the first place? Weapons don’t talk. Cures don’t talk.

His tongue felt heavy and rough. Would it be too much to ask for water? Yes, it was always too much trouble every time he asked for anything.

He had to focus, see where he was, what he was doing. This wasn’t a mission with Rouge and Omega. This wasn’t filling out paperwork. This was returning to his primary function.

He just had to stand still, nod, and let them do their thing.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Daria reassured him. Daria was nice. She was kind. She never looked at him like a monster or showed interest in him as a phenomenon. “Look, come here,” she pointed at several monitors below the large window that displayed the chamber he needed to enter. “We’ll be controlling everything from here, okay? And we’ll have an open line of communication the entire time, so if anything happens, you just have to say it.”

Was that true or just a formality? Daria was the team leader, and from what Abraham told him on the way here, she would have the final say on how things were done and to what extent.

“Hm.”

“He isn’t much of a talker,” Abraham commented, and maybe he could take offense if it weren’t true. And if it hadn’t been said with a slight, joking scoff, an attempt at rapport.

So, he wasn’t supposed to talk, then. Point taken. He was getting better at deciphering tones.

“Whenever you’re ready, you just have to go in there and lie down,” Daria continued, now absorbed in her monitor like Tails when he got excited over a new invention. Shadow supposed that if he were just a normal hedgehog, formality would take over instead of this suspicious kindness. She was a scientist, a doctor, in the end. Those always wanted just one thing from him.

He could give it this time.

Just lie down.

Easy enough.

“We’ll do a check-up of your vital signs, your neurological function, and your blood and nervous systems, okay? Later, we can do more physical tests, but for now, I want to get this clear to know what I’m working with.”

A what. Not a who.

This wasn’t a medical check-up, which he usually refused to undergo; this was experimentation, he was nothing but a specimen to be studied.

This was what he had agreed to. This had been his decision.

Do it and stop feeling sorry for yourself already.

“Whenever you’re ready, sweetheart.”

If you asked Shadow once the storm had passed, he’d tell you he didn’t know when it happened, didn’t know when he moved, whether it took long, or if they had to tell him twice. One moment he was standing in front of Daria, and the next, he was lying down in the chamber, the door closed, cold seeping into his skin, his stiff spikes scraping against the metal, his ears pressed against his skull trying to block out the crushing silence surrounding him. He had space to move. He kept his hands over his stomach. Moving down, up, faster and faster at each breath he took.

He thought he heard Daria, with her sugary voice drowned out by the snap of his tongue against sealed lips, breaking the annoying nothingness that reverberated around him. Why was there no noise?  Was this thing soundproofed? Was it just for whoever went inside? Was it just so no one could hear him? If he banged on the glass, would he be able to break it? Were his powers effective inside here?

They hadn’t been last time.

How long had the Commander from fifty years ago planned to keep him like a gun in a holster? Was that chamber made by the Professor? Had he wanted to get rid of him because he saw his latest creation was just as useless? Would he be relegated to a forgotten creature in some dusty corner like the Biolizard that came before him?

Was this thing closing?

Were they taking his air away?

This thing was so cold. He couldn’t move.

The liquid was up to his neck and freezing.

It was like drowning and choking at the same time.

It seeped into his lungs, numbing him.

They woke him just once before sealing him away for decades.

The Professor was there.

“You’re going to fix this whole mess. You’re going to fix it in my name. It shouldn’t have happened.”

He was so angry.

He looked at him with disgust.

He never had before.

He hated Shadow.

He was withing his right to be.

“They want a weapon? Fine. They’ll get one. Let’s see if you’re good at that.”

Maria became blurry. He only clearly remembered running, her hand in his, her gasps, him pulling, ready to catch her if running was too much for her body.

Why were they chasing a twelve-year-old girl? Why did Shadow take her with him? Why didn’t he leave to be chased? Why was he so selfish to take her with him?

“I told you to protect her.”

He should have hidden her and used himself as bait. The soldiers had wanted him, not her. They couldn’t do permanent harm to him. But to her, to her…

“Why did you let them kill her? It should have been you.”

The Professor wasn’t going to help him. He was hurting him. Everything became a blur.

He couldn’t see. His vision was darkening. They were putting him to sleep. They were going to lock him away again. They could hurt whoever missed him. He didn’t want them hurt. He had to get out of here.

“I should never have created you.”

If you asked Abraham, he wouldn’t be able to pinpoint the moment everything went south.

Shadow might be a ticking bomb, but he showed a self-restraint Abraham hadn’t seen even in his best-trained soldiers. If something annoyed him, he left. At worst, he’d snap before. Not the most professional behaviour, but Abraham knew it could’ve been worse.

Like breaking GUN material.

The only warning he got, which couldn’t be called one, was a puzzled comment from Daria.

“His heart rate is elevated.”

He’d dismissed her quickly. “He’s faster than average. Maybe it’s normal for him.”

“No, according to this report—”

And then everyone’s attention turned to a shower of broken glass, and Abraham thought of all the times Rouge teased him in that playful, unprofessional tone about needing to know Shadow better now that they ‘worked together,’ no matter how many times Abraham corrected her saying Shadow at most worked for him.

Rouge was right, and that was what annoyed him the most, because he needed to know his agents to recognize signs of a collapse; Abraham just thanked his bad luck it happened in a closed space and not during a mission.

And thanks to that train of thought, his first instinct was to contact the bat.

“Abe, do you miss me already?”

Honestly, he was going to have to start holding workshops on proper workplace behaviour and how to talk to a superior.

“Rouge, are you there yet?”

“Yeeees. I’m getting to the hotel. I have my license, ID documents, the intel—”

“Shit.”

“What? You’re gonna give me a lecture for doing it right, too?”

“Listen, Shadow has lost control, he—”

He looked towards where the hedgehog was, only catching a few golden flashes coming from the chamber. Alright, not ideal but way better than what he feared was already happening.

“He’s just— Rouge?”

She had hung up on him.

As soon as he finished getting another scolding for breaking GUN property, he was definitely doing a workshop so his agents would learn how to act accordingly.

Daria stood up, heading fearlessly towards the door, and the only reason Abraham didn’t stop her was because his communicator vibrated in his pocket.

“Rouge, you—”

“Commander, Sonic the Hedgehog has entered the facility—”

“Send him to the fourth floor. Daria,” the woman stopped dead when she heard a low, commanding voice, “Go outside, if you see a blue flash, that’s Sonic. Call him and bring him here.”

The woman nodded, running to the door.

Abraham ordered everyone out. He had to say it twice for absolutely everyone to leave, and yes, that workshop sounded better and better by each passing second.

Sonic came in like a bull in a China shop, and Daria guided him to where Shadow was, still inside the chamber, something that only worsened the Commander’s nerves, not knowing what to expect.

“We don’t know what happened. We had a communication device going but he was not responding,” Daria explained as they both approached the chamber. “It was just a check-up, data extraction. Computerized. We haven’t touched him—”

“Will it be a problem if I take him out of here?” Sonic interrupted, and Abraham doubted he’d been listening.

Daria just shook her head, not offended in the slightest.

“Shadow,” the hero called, keeping a safe distance, “I’m going to take you out, okay? Will it be a problem if I touch you?”

He must have gotten some sort of answer from Shadow, because Sonic dared to grab him and pull him out of the chamber. He winced watching the agent grabbing the hero by the arms, knowing that even though Sonic wasn’t frail, Shadow had him beat in strength. Still, Sonic managed to manhandle him until they were both kneeling on the ground, with Daria a few steps away, hands clenched over her mouth, eyes anxiously watching.

“Okay, it’s alright,” Sonic’s words echoed in the space, making them clearer and breaking the bubble fantasy both hedgehogs believed they were in. “It’s okay. Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“I couldn’t get out,” Shadow rasped.

“I’ll bring you some water,” offered Daria, leaving the room and just nodding at Abraham before removing herself from the equation.

“Okay, it’s a tight space, I’d be stressed too, it’s okay. Breathe with me, okay? There you go.”

He pressed his forehead to the other’s, one hand finding its way through his quills, expertly stroking them. And Abraham felt intrusive. From a distance, he caught the moment Shadow’s quills looked less sharp, like they were following Sonic’s hand movements while mimicking his deep, controlled breaths. It also helped Abraham to catch his breath after the whole ordeal.

“How about we get out of here?” Sonic’s voice broke the comfortable silence they all fell into. “This place is pretty suffocating. I’m getting stressed. I don’t blame you for snapping.”

A slight nod after two heartbeats.

“I’ll take you to a rest room,” Abraham found his voice, sounding foreign to himself, bizarre like the image in front of him.

Sonic nodded. He got up, with Shadow following suit. Abraham doubted he was all here with them, but it was progress. The two hedgehogs stepped out with him. They ran into Daria on the way, two paper cups full of water in her hands. Abraham asked her to please guide the two to a quiet place, and she headed straight to where he wanted to take them. The lounge on this floor had been abandoned in favour of the one on the first floor, bigger and with more facilities. He doubted that would be a problem for Sonic or Shadow. In fact, he suspected the latter would find it more comforting that way.

He stayed behind to make a call. The sooner they could repair or replace the chamber, the better. And the sooner he received a scolding, the sooner he could leave all this fiasco behind and get back to work, pretending nothing had happened.

He could tell Sonic had raised a child.

He got why Rouge had decided to hang up on him and send Sonic in her place.

He understood why Shadow had allowed Sonic to get close to him.

He was thankful for it.

As Daria rounded the corner with the two hedgehogs close behind her, Abraham caught a glimpse of days gone by, when the ARK had been a safe haven where Maria and he sometimes crossed paths, often with Shadow serving as a crutch for a golden-haired girl whose smile nothing could erase.

Chapter Text

Sonic was angry.

Shadow was too, though that was more usual. He guessed their bad moods had bloomed from the same root.

Rouge had called Sonic so he could go to GUN and take care of him.

To be fair, Shadow hadn’t wanted her to put her life on hold to coddle him, but that didn’t mean he was happy she'd delegated the task to Sonic, airing out their whatever-they-had. At GUN, of all places.

Despite her gossip-prone reputation, Rouge knew how to keep a secret. She was the one he trusted most, and perhaps what was churning in his chest right now wasn’t so much anger as it was the sting of betrayal. He hadn’t expected that a scar torn open would hurt more than a sudden wound, but his stinging eyes proved how wrong he was.

He focused on Sonic to avoid falling deeper into shame. The hero was little more than a blur, living up to his nickname, darting around the small, unused space that served more as a document storage closet nowadays than the break room it used to be.

Daria had left them alone the second Shadow finally responded to one of her questions with the faintest nod. He liked her. He was glad she was going to lead the medical procedures. Her bright scientific curiosity got on his nerves, sure, but he learnt to appreciate that more than the distrustful or even disgusted looks some agents still threw his way. Maybe that was what triggered the silent anxiety that eventually erupted; this sense of bitterness at being betrayed by someone who seemed to like him. Positive feelings never lasted when they were directed at him, but Shadow had hoped that when the inevitable end came, it would finish in awkward encounters and harsh words, not him trapped and sealed away.

But that’s not what had happened, right? That’s not where he was now, right?

The break room wasn’t very spacious, but it had windows that let in natural light and the unsettling view of dust particles drifting through the beams, bouncing with Sonic’s nervous movements. It wasn’t a cage. Neither was the chamber he had broken. Abraham was going to scold him. Or worse, avoid eye contact and give him direct orders for a week, until he got a grip.

He crushed the paper cup in his hand at the thought. And in a blink, the empty cup had been swapped for the second one Daria had handed Sonic before leaving. The one that was supposed to be his. Sonic was probably thirstier anyway, considering he’d been talking to himself nonstop since they were left alone.

“You’re mad,” he forced himself to say, and the words brought Sonic to a halt.

Sonic gave him a quick look. “Well, I’m not happy.”

That was Sonic’s way of saying yes, he was upset, pissed off, frustrated, and any other negative emotion he seemed allergic to naming aloud.

“I’m sorry. Rouge and Omega know about us, just like your brother does,” he defended. “They’re good at keeping secrets. She shouldn’t have called you, even if she couldn’t come herself, though—”

“I’m glad she did,” Sonic interrupted, sitting beside him after giving up whatever he was searching for in his posture. “I know you like to do things on your own, and I’m not gonna force you to talk to me, even though that girl told me something about Maria’s fam—”

“Daria.”

“The doctor? That’s her name?”

“She leads the team that was supposed to run the tests on me.”

“Nice. She seems really cool.”

“She’s very discreet, too.”

Sonic let out a chuckle. “I’m sure you love that. I’m so glad she’s—”

“She won’t say anything.”

“About what?”

“About what happened earlier.”

“That’s good. But, Shads, it’s normal that after everything these people did to you, you get triggered—”

“I mean, about how I acted with you,” Shadow clarified, giving him a sidelong glance. “Daria’s always been discreet about her own things. I figure that extends to me, too. I’ll ask her to keep it quiet anyway. And Abraham doesn’t care about my personal life, so don’t worry, word won’t get out that we’re—”

His voice cut off. He couldn’t pick a word to say out loud. In his head, Sonic was his partner. Sonic, however, had never labelled them. Never introduced them as anything. Nothing. Maybe that’s what they were. A nothing that meant everything to Shadow and that had now been exposed because he couldn’t control himself.

“Shadow,” Sonic said, noticing the pause turning into a full stop. “You think I’m mad because people saw that I care about you?”

“You just said you were mad.”

“Of course I am upset. I hate seeing you hurt. But I don’t… I'm sorry if the way I handled it embarrassed you. I saw you needed help and acted without thinking, you know how I am—”

“You hate this place. But they can’t hurt you. They won’t do anything to you just because you’re more associated with me than before.”

“They can try,” Sonic said, waving a hand dismissively. And despite the heaviness of the conversation, his smile returned to its place. It never left for long. Shadow was going to miss it so much. Seeing it up close, instead of from faraway, stolen glances like he used to. “I’d fight armies to be with you. Because I want to be with you. I like being with you. My friends know I love spending time with you. Amy’s been teasing me ever since we started going out—”

“I didn’t know your friends knew.”

“I don’t keep you a secret. I just don’t go around telling people my business.”

It was a solid argument. For all his chatterbox nature, if you really thought about it, very little was known about Sonic’s private or personal life. Heck, people knew more about Shadow than about their local hero; where he came from, what his childhood was like, or what circumstances shaped his early years.

“To be honest, and maybe you’ll punch me for this,” Sonic laughed, “I brag about you a lot.”

“About me?”

“Yeah. I’m so sorry if I made you think I was just playing with you or that I didn’t take this seriously. I know you like structure. And things being clear. I just—I'm not built for a formal, normal relationship. But I love you.”

“You do?”

“Of course I do!”

“This is the first time you’ve said it.”

Sonic blinked, like the realization seemed to smack him. “Well… you know I have the worst timing ever,” he joked, nudging him lightly. His lips pressed into a line, but he was still smiling, the silver lining on any cloudy day that Shadow always clung to. “I’m making all this messier for you, aren’t I?” he sighed, scratching behind one ear. “I get it if you don’t want to go home and would rather stay at Rouge’s. And if you don’t wanna talk to me until everything settles. I suck at this. I’m so sorry. But at least let me know how you’re doing today. I care, I swear I do. I’m so sorry I hurt you instead—”

“You never hurt me.”

Sonic scoffed a laugh, looking away with a faint blush on his cheeks. He scratched his nose as he said, “Guess it’s hard to hurt the ultimate lifeform, huh? Bold of me.”

“After what happened today, I don’t feel I deserve such title.”

“Shadow, few people would’ve done what you decided to do after having your trust betrayed by this same organization. I think you’ve earned it even more!” he bumped their shoulders together. “Listen, I don’t know how to do this. It’s too much for me, I admit it. But I won’t back down because of that. If you want to do this, I’ll support you all the way. Just tell me what you need and how you need it, and I’ll do it.”

Shadow pressed his lips together. He didn’t know what he had done to deserve someone like Sonic by his side. He knew what he had to do to keep him, though.

There was a light knock at the door, which drew the two hedgehogs’ attention away. The burst of their bubble made them realize how close they’d been. He suddenly pulled away, glancing over at the doctor, who was watching him with a warm smile.

Despite her intrinsic and underlying curiosity, the main emotion in all his interactions with Daria had been warmth and camaraderie, as if he were just another normal coworker. That unsettled him more than obvious looks of disdain. No one was that nice for no reason.

“How are you guys doing?”

Sonic looked at him before answering, as if asking for his approval. “Peachy.”

“Good!” she beamed, though the muscles in her face remained tense. “Listen, uh, I know we still have a few tests to run, but the Commander gave you clearance to go home. I think we should talk about how to handle this in a better way. If you come into work tomorrow, I’d be happy to—”

“What’s left to do?” Shadow interrupted, and Daria stumbled in her well-practiced speech.

“Um, well... The chamber is unusable—”

“I apologise.”

“Oh, no, I didn’t mean to point fingers, I was just— I meant— Well, it’s true that you broke it but— I’m not blaming you— Even if it was you— But I’m not mad— Though the Commander looked pretty upset— Oh, but I don’t want you to feel bad—”

“You wanna use your Phone-a-Friend, ma’am?”

Daria blinked and then let out a small laugh, the tension in her shoulders easing. That was the effect Sonic had on everyone, such a contrast to what he himself inflicted on his peers.

“Sorry, this is new territory for me and I’ve totally messed it up,” she blurted in a burst of honesty.

“You did everything fine,” said Shadow, keeping his monotone. His voice cold, low, unkind. “I’m the one who didn’t know how to handle it maturely. I’m sorry if I caused a problem.”

“No! Not at all! I thought a short explanation would be okay, that’s what I usually do. But I should’ve been more sensitive, I’m sorry.”

Shadow grimaced at her choice of words. “Should’ve been more sensitive.” “What I usually do.” “Sorry for not coddling you like the defective goods you are.”

“What was it that you needed,” he deadpanned, his brusque tone catching both Daria and Sonic off guard.

“Well, since we can’t continue with the plan, a blood test could work for now. It’s very quick, painless, and—”

“Okay.”

“Shads—”

“Lead the way.”

“Oh, it doesn’t have to be today—”

“Adela’s health is not getting better by the minute.”

The name wiped away any attempt at cordiality that had been forming in the small room. Daria’s timid smile dropped, Sonic stared at his sneakers like they were the most interesting thing in the world, and Shadow maintained eye contact with the doctor, as if daring her to contradict him.

But her professional ethics crushed any argument that could place the wellbeing of an object over a suffering patient.

“Okay,” she agreed, clasping her hands in her lap, “we can do it in my office, if that’s okay with you.”

“It is.”

Daria nodded and turned on her heels to walk off. Shadow jumped from his seat to follow her, but Sonic gently grabbed his arm.

“Do you want me to be there with you?”

Yes. “No, it’s fine.”

“I don’t mind—”

“I do.”

Okay, that came out wrong. The look on Sonic’s face and the way he let go of his arm like the touch burned him hurt more than his previous shameful behaviour in front of his boss and the assigned science team.

“It’s like when they take your blood. Nothing fancy,” he tried to fix it.

“Yeah, but you hate—”

“This isn’t about me,” he almost growled.

“When is it?” Sonic scoffed.

It was so sad, seeing them side by side, feeling firsthand the vast differences in what they brought to a room. Sonic was a breeze of calm and good vibes that made things move forward; Shadow was a windstorm that wrecked everything in its path and undid any progress made.

“I’ll be outside her office,” Sonic decided. “If you need anything—”

“I won’t. You’ve done enough.”

And he left the room before a reply could come.

The blood draw happened quickly and without incident. Daria was becoming his favourite person in this coven of delusional egomaniacs.

“He wasn’t forced. He was given time to think it over and he agreed after a few days.”

Abraham, however, was dropping down his list with every word he said.

“Sure...” Sonic dragged the word out, not taking his eyes off the window into Daria’s office. He assumed the woman usually closed the blinds for patient privacy, but judging by the look they exchanged when he arrived, he had a hunch she made an exception this time. So, yeah, new favourite person around here.

“I’m sure Shadow hasn’t felt any pressure to say yes to his best friend’s sister, whose death you keep hanging over his head to keep him on a leash.”

Abraham’s jaw shifted. “Shadow and I have reached some cordiality for the sake of peaceful coexistence.”

“Cool... Tell me, do you hunt down all your agents before getting all buddy-buddy with them?”

Abraham exhaled sharply through his nose. “He has agency. In fact, he’s the one who gives me the most headaches out of all my agents.”

“Must be tough that your best weapon has a conscience,” Sonic snapped.

“You’re ruining your reputation by being near him,” Abraham judged him, and they exchanged a side glance. “If it weren’t for his affiliation with us—”

“He’d be happier,” Sonic interrupted, and his foot started tapping the floor at a speed that irritated the Commander. “Free,” he spat the word.

“He is,” Abraham stressed. “We had no idea you two… had gotten so close. I wasn’t surprised Rouge reached out to you when she couldn’t handle it herself, but—”

“Sorry, was I supposed to sign some form? Some kind of ownership waiver?”

“Everything done!” Daria’s cheerful voice clashed with their argument. Realizing it, she deflated, and Sonic hoped Abraham would also let her go home soon. “Um... Sorry, am I interrupting something, Commander?”

“Nothing,” he assured her. “You can go home if you want, Daria.”

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to get started on the compatibility tests. It’ll only take a moment!”

A small smile tugged at Sonic’s lips. She sounded just like Tails, excited to start working, and he imagined you’d have to drag this woman home to get her to rest until she collapsed on her living room desk. He’d have to ask Shadow about it.

Speaking of the devil, his partner stopped right behind the doctor, inspecting where the needle had gone in. Sonic walked up to him, the pleasant conversation between the doctor and Abraham turning into white noise in the background.

“Hey,” he whispered, almost like he was about to share a secret. “How’d it go?”

“Fine.”

Shadow only stopped checking himself when Sonic took his hand. He looked at their intertwined fingers and then threw a quick glance at his boss.

“Is this okay?” Sonic asked.

Shadow pondered. “For me, yes.”

“For me too,” he assured him quickly. “Listen, uh, do you wanna come home with me, would you rather go somewhere on your own, go home and I leave for a while, go separate ways, or you can go to Rouge’s and stay there like I told you—”

“You’re rambling again,” Shadow observed, but his tone finally had that dry humour edge that only the trained ear could catch. Sonic loved being part of that exclusive group. “Do you really want me in your house?”

“Always,” he nodded, a hand halfway to cupping his cheek. He tightened his grip on his partner’s hand. “So, wanna race there? I promise I’ll give you a head start, but just for today.”

A half-smile formed on his lips that didn’t quite reach his beautiful ruby eyes. “Don’t make me beat you more easily than usual, hedgehog.”

“Oh, it’s on!”

Distracting Shadow with a quick kiss only they knew had happened before taking off running wasn’t cheating, no matter how much Shadow insisted. It was just smart play.

Chapter Text

Just because his way of showing love to his partner wasn’t the traditional way, didn’t mean Sonic didn’t care or that he didn’t notice the little things. It was hard not to notice them when you were head over heels. Shadow made such thing easy. When he saw him, he forgot about the world around them; when they had plans, his whole focus shifted toward that and nothing else; when Shadow showed any signs of distress, Sonic was on high alert with all five senses sharpened.

Shadow didn’t need to eat. It was more of a guilty pleasure, one that dated back to when he’d “steal” sweets from the kitchen for Maria and she’d share. It was one of the sweet memories he had from that time, one he treasured and remained part of his routine as a way to honour her. He enjoyed the things she no longer could, even if it was just a bite of something before going to bed or starting the day. Over time, it became a habit once he found a group to belong to, and to the memory of Maria, Rouge and Omega were added. The trio usually had at least one dinner a week together, with some random movie playing in the background that none of them paid attention to, too busy talking about their day. Sure, two out of the three didn’t actually need to eat, and it was usually Rouge doing most of the talking, dropping all the gossip she’d stashed up to share only with her most trusted people. But it was everyone’s favourite moment of the week, even if none of them admitted it out loud.

Sonic didn’t fully understand their dynamic, but he appreciated that Shadow had found himself a home.

Later, it became something that helped solidify the relationship slowly blooming between the two hedgehogs. Snacks that the “loser” paid for, turning their races into something more thrilling. Something Sonic started to look forward to more than the running itself; spending quality time with Shadow, sharing a meal, talking, noticing how their lunches and dinners kept stretching longer and longer. Realizing he enjoyed just sitting there, chatting about nothing, more than pushing his body to the limit and bickering over who won by a fraction of a second. Trying to ignore the butterflies in his stomach, avoiding Shadow instead of seeking him out because he got scared, and running was more his style than sitting down to figure out why the fondness he felt for Shadow was different and deeper than what he felt for the rest of his friends.

Almost ruining something that hadn’t even had the chance to start. The confession. The reciprocity. The first steps of what they had now.

It was fair to say that meals were an important factor for them.

Shadow always made sure to show up in time for dinner, ending the day with Sonic and his brother. He did so that night, but didn’t take a single bite.

He used the excuse that it was unnecessary, like that made it okay, like it would somehow soothe the worry that had closed Sonic’s own appetite.

Maybe Sonic didn’t know how to be in a traditional relationship. But that didn’t mean he loved any less; if anything, he loved harder. At least, he had fallen for Shadow hard. He wasn’t a game Sonic use now that he had found someone to match his speed. This was a commitment, one that didn’t scare him, because it was with Shadow. And with Shadow, everything was better.

They weren’t going to sleep that night. Sonic had expected that much. He’d been through nightmares and night terrors with Shadow before. Sadly, it had become something of a routine.

He usually woke up automatically when Shadow kicked off the sheets or started tossing around, messing up the spot Sonic liked to rest his head on until morning.

On good nights, Sonic managed to calm him down without him even waking up. He’d stay up for a few minutes to make sure Shadow’s breathing evened out, then lie back down on his chest and follow suit.

What Sonic didn’t expect that night was to be woken up not by his partner thrashing on the bed, but by a shove that sent him flying off it, crashing to the floor and into the wall.

His breath got knocked right out of him, and for a few seconds, the only sound in the room was both of them gasping for air. With a groan, Sonic pushed up on one knee and clutched the spot that had taken the hit. That was definitely going to bruise, and he’d be lucky it’d be just that and not something broken. He took a deep breath, and his back muscles tensed. He slowly started piecing things together, remembering the layout of his room and thanking Chaos he’d rolled across the floor instead of flying straight through the window.

Picking glass out of his quills was the worst.

Even after his breathing started to return to normal, the air remained heavy with the choked breaths Shadow was taking, clearly unaware of what he’d just done, where he was, or what had happened.

With more effort than usual, Sonic got to his feet and dragged them toward the bed, keeping his distance.

“Shadow?” he tried, getting no response except for the black ear that twitched in his direction. “Hey, it’s me. You’re home. You’re okay. Can I touch you?”

In the dark, Shadow reached for his hand and interlaced their fingers. Sonic squeezed. Shadow pressed his lips together, forcing himself to inhale through his nose and exhale through his mouth.

Sonic brought his free hand to his shoulder, rubbing up and down his arm and squeezing gently when he reached the top.

“I need you to touch me, to bring me back to reality,” Shadow had asked once, and Sonic obliged every single time the night got hijacked by ghosts from the past.

He huffed out a breath when the comforting motion brought back the sting, and let himself fall onto the bed.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, don’t worry, I fell and landed wrong—”

“When did you fall?”

“Um, got startled and rolled off, it’s nothing—”

The lights turned on, momentarily blinding him, and he blinked, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hand before letting out a groan and shielding his shoulder.

“Let me see,” Shadow commanded, brushing his hand aside and finding a red mark already turning purple. Sonic didn’t need his eyes to fully adjust to the sudden light to notice how Shadow’s stone expression had hardened.

“Just a bad fall, I told you,” he downplayed it.

“Is there such a thing as a good fall?” Shadow deadpanned.

His eyes dropped lower, scanning the rest of him, and Sonic, out of pure curiosity and a desire to escape the overhead light, followed suit.

There were other similar bruises on his hip and a rug burn on his knee. He was glad his back was pressed against the cold headboard.

“I’m gonna get you some ice.”

“It’s fine, really—”

“Don’t move,” and he left, a golden blur trailing behind.

“Like I can,” he muttered, going against the instructions.

Shadow rolled his eyes the moment he zoomed back in, cloth-wrapped ice in hand, and nudged him down gently against the pillow.

“Why is it so hard for you to follow a single instruction?” he scolded, pressing the cold pack to his shoulder with a care that didn’t match his tone.

“It’s like you just met me,” he joked, trying to distract himself from the pain. He adjusted his aching back against the pillow. “Well, at least this time you shoved me onto something soft.”

Sonic had been told many times that his sense of humour crashed more times than it landed.

Moments like this made him understand why.

Shadow’s gaze swept over him again, slower this time.

“Did I push you or did you fall?”

“Both things can be true.”

“…I’m sorry.”

“Don’t. You just had a nightmare.”

“That doesn’t give me the right to mistreat you.”

“Hey, those are big words—”

“Sonic, have you looked at yourself?” Shadow snapped.

“Yeah, I landed on my shoulder and rolled, it seemed by the evidence. If anything, it was the floor and the wall that hurt me—”

“The wall too?”

He winced as Shadow grabbed his pillow and placed it over Sonic’s, adjusting him so that his back was resting fully on something soft.

"I shouldn’t have slept here," Shadow growled.

"I’m glad you did," Sonic countered. "I’m glad you let me be there for you."

"Yes, I really showed my gratitude."

"Come on, are you going to beat yourself up over a nightmare?"

"I could have killed you if it had been worse."

Sonic scoffed, sounding fake even to his own ears. "Oh, please, don’t flatter yourself. I can handle a punch. And this wasn’t your best, by the way."

"This isn’t funny."

"No, it’s not funny that you’re tearing yourself down over having a nightmare. Who did you think you were defending yourself from?"

"That’s not—"

"Relevant? I think it is."

"Don’t change—"

"The subject? I guess it’s technically the same, just not the part you want to dwell into."

"This is stupid," he dismissed. "I don’t need you justifying me."

"And I don’t need you punishing yourself over something you did unconsciously."

"Yes, according to you, I can’t make my own decisions."

"Asleep? Neither you nor anyone else."

"Well, when I decided to help Adela, with everything that implied, I was awake and clear-headed."

"Ah... You heard that..."

"I did, and I’d ask you to stay out of antagonizing my boss."

"He antagonizes himself…"

"Tower’s not Eggman, Sonic. If he wants, he can lock you up--"

"Ah, yeah, not the same at all. He could lock me up for six months or worse, huh?”

"Well, maybe when it’s fifty years, you’ll start taking this seriously. I’m bringing you an ibuprofen. Press this where you hit yourself," he instructed, tossing the ice pack onto his lap.

With a sigh, Sonic let his head fall back against the headboard, feeling doubly bad when the impact was softened by the pillow, smelling of Shadow’s scent, the lavender that lulled him to sleep every night and was now just a reminder of the empty space next to the bed.

Shadow had an apology on the tip of his tongue when he heard the soft knock on the kitchen door, but he swallowed it when he saw the backlit figure of the fox.

"Hi."

"Good night," he nodded, turning back to look for all the half-used ibuprofen boxes in the pantry. These people and their damn habit of not knowing what they had in their own house.

"The good ones are in the back," Tails helped, sitting in the nearest chair.

"Of course... Thanks."

"You’re welcome."

"... Sorry if we woke you."

"Yeah... Let’s say I was asleep."

Shadow huffed. "Kid, are you sure you’re not part owl?”

"Nope, I ran my tests."

And Shadow believed him completely. It would be the most normal thing the kid had done while locking himself in the garage.

"But I wish. Imagine being able to turn your head 270 degrees? That’s sick."

"It is," he conceded, mixing the powdered ibuprofen into a glass of water.

"Is Sonic okay?"

He swallowed. "Yeah, he fell off the bed." Fucking hypocrite, getting mad that Sonic lied to him and now using that same lie with his own brother.

"Ah... And you, are you okay?"

"I am. This is for him."

"I know, that’s why I asked about him first."

"Hm.”

"Who’s being mean to you?"

He froze. Looked over his shoulder. Tails had his chin resting on both hands, as natural as if he’d asked about the weather.

"What?"

"Who’s being mean to you," he enunciated, earning an irritated look. "You didn’t eat dinner," he recalled.

"I don’t need to eat."

"Well, you sure did eat plenty these last few months..."

"Less than you."

"I’m a growing kid."

"You’re a pain, that’s all you are… Tails, it’s late, I’m tired, what do you want?"

"For you to tell me who’s being mean to you."

"Why? So you can team up with them?"

"No, to know who I should dust off my blueprints for world domination for."

"Why do you even have those?"

"They’re from before I met Sonic."

"That doesn't answer my question or make me feel any better..." he rolled his eyes and turned entirely to face him. "Why do you even care if someone is making my life miserable, anyway?"

"Because only I get to do that."

"Listen, this has nothing to do with you. It’s adult stuff. I’m handling it."

Tails scrutinized him and, when he seemed satisfied, shrugged. "Just tell me if you need any help."

Shadow didn’t deserve anyone in this family he would eventually break.

"...I'll consider it."

"Good." He jumped to his feet and walked back down the hallway. "By the way, I’m gonna take this weird wholesome moment between us to let you know that those blueprints haven't been thrown away in case you break my brother's heart."

"I wouldn't expect any less from you. Now go to bed, it’s late."

"Yeah, let’s say I’m going to bed."

"Tails, go to bed. I’ll go check in a bit."

No response.

Brat.

Sonic had his eyes closed when he returned to the bedroom. He turned off the lights and blinked to adjust his vision to the darkness, walking from memory to the nightstand on his partner’s side to leave the glass there. He made the slightest noise, but it was enough for Sonic to jolt and groan sleepily.

"Sorry."

"I wasn’t asleep."

Judging by his voice, he was about to, though.

"No, I mean... I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you."

"Meh, I shouldn’t have unloaded my problems. It wasn’t the time or a competition."

"You rarely ever do," Shadow observed. He lay back down on his side of the bed, finding the pillow back in its place. He gave Sonic an inquisitive look, but the lack of light lessened its weight. "I can listen, too."

"Yeah, I know, but I don’t like digging up the past. It already happened," Sonic shifted, taking the glass and drinking it in one gulp. Shadow held back the scolding when he felt Sonic's fur brush against his from the movement and he leaned into the warmth.

"Besides," Sonic continued after clearing his throat. "That’s why I go to therapy. So I don’t burden my friends with my problems."

"You wouldn’t bother me."

"Still..."

"Is it working?"

"What? Therapy? I’d say yes. The nightmares have lessened, the anxiety too... I won’t get in an elevator or tiny room for fun, but I think I can handle it."

"GUN has psychological support for its agents."

"Hm... If you think it might help... Do you know if they’re good?"

"They’re pretty professional."

"That’s not what I meant."

There was a heavy silence.

"They like me as much as anyone else there..."

"You don’t have to do therapy with them, Shads. I can help you look. Ames has lots of contacts and a killer sixth sense, I’m sure she—"

"I don’t think airing GUN business like that is a good idea."

"Psychologists have their Hippocratic oath. They don’t go around sharing what you tell them."

"It’s an ethical oath. Hippocratic is for doctors."

"Well, an oath is an oath. I doubt all agents are forced to go to them, right? It’s probably something available by law. Then you decide whether to use it or go private."

"Rules are different for me."

"Talk to Daria."

"She’s not my boss."

"No, but she runs the medical team assigned to you, right? She seems chill. I’m sure if you explain the situation, she’ll back you up, and Abraham will agree just to keep you two quiet."

"Yeah, sounds like him."

"I shouldn’t have stuck my nose into your business.”

"It’s fine."

"No, it’s not. It was condescending of me. I know you can fight your own battles. But you know I’m an idiot, and when I see people I love hurting, I act first and think later."

Shadow’s heart skipped at the second confession that Sonic loved him. He silently thanked the night for hiding his blush.

"You never think before acting."

"You’d be surprised," he nudged him, letting out a low groan.

"Does it hurt much?"

"It’s fresh. Tomorrow it’ll probably be better. You’re not the only one who heals fast, faker."

"...I’ll talk to Daria tomorrow."

"Cool."

Out of habit, Sonic let himself fall with a sigh on top of him. Before Shadow could wrap his arm around him, Sonic pulled away.

"Ah, sorry... You probably don’t want me falling asleep like that after what happened, right? It’s just a habit—"

"I like your habit."

Sonic also thanked the night for hiding the crimson in his cheeks.

He returned to his spot on Shadow’s chest, the quills barely brushing his chin. Shadow wrapped an arm around him, burying his hand in Sonic’s quills and stroking them familiarly.

Sonic fell asleep in under a minute.

Shadow stayed awake all night, not wanting to interrupt his much-needed rest again.

True to his word, the first thing Shadow did when he arrived at GUN the next day was go see Daria. He knocked on her office door and waited for the doctor to give him permission to enter.

"Shadow! We were just talking about you!"

He forgot what he had to ask her. He forgot his promise, the confidence Sonic gave him even when he wasn’t standing by his side. Everything was wiped from his mind when he saw the blue eyes staring back at him, half-lidded in a serene yet tired smile.

‘We’ as in, Adela was there, chatting with Daria and now staring at him intently.