Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Joel was walking down a lonely, sun-beaten road. His backpack hung down heavy on either of his shoulders, breaking his muscles in more and more with each hour that he walked. It was quieter than he was used to. 

Tess was always here with him. 

Joel lowered his gaze to the space beside him, his eyes hot all of a sudden. He’d gotten her killed. Bitten. All for a stupid goddamn battery that didn’t even work, for a truck that he didn’t even have. He didn’t even really know why he was still going on. Tommy, the name jumped to him. He was the reason for all of this. He wasn’t responding. 

An annoyed, typical-sibling expression claimed Joel’s face. Tommy’s stupid goddamn stunts. He was long tired of cleaning up after them, especially now that they’d buried Tess six feet under. 

This better be worth it. 

Someone screamed. 

Joel raced his eyes up and searched over the immediate area. There was a gas station on the side of the road. Its once white tiled exterior was stained yellow with age, and dressed green with foliage and vines. They covered the windows as well, denying any view inside. They didn’t stop the screams. Another one rang out, high-pitched and girlish.

Joel heard Sarah in it. The air in his chest stalled, replaced with the panic that came along whenever he even thought of a kid, or their general concept. He winced underneath the ensuing, familiar, phantom light of a soldier’s gun. His hands grew wet with warm blood, there was something small and dying pulling on his shirt, tiny squeals of agony in his ears-

“Don’t touch me!” 

The words snapped Joel out of his own memories. He shook his head and then refocused on the gas station, a new shade of nausea in his expression. He knew there were hunters in this area, another reason why he mourned Tess’ ruthless company. He knew what he’d just stumbled in on. 

Ain’t your business, Joel attempted. Ain’t your kid. 

Another scream. 

What am I doing? 

Joel started walking. It was someone’s kid in there. Someone’s little girl. Or no one’s. Did it matter? There was a kid in there, and she was screaming for her fucking life. The thought softened him. 

There was also that lingering weight on the back of Joel’s head: the imagined feeling of Sarah looking down on him from someplace beyond the earth, watching and judging and waiting. If he ever got up there to meet her again, how could she look at him, knowing he’d let some other little girl go through hell? 

“ No!” 

The nausea in Joel’s eyes shifted into determination. It ran lower, solidifying around his trigger finger as he approached the gas station. The screams grew louder, more feral and panicked with each passing second. He put some more urgency into his search, and forced open the glass set of front doors, subsequently announcing his presence to anything inside with a loud thump. 

Another scream covered Joel’s entrance. He rushed his gaze over each of the gas station’s dimly lit aisles, finding nothing at first, until another scream led him to the furthest one and he rushed towards it. 

“ Nn!” It wasn’t words anymore, only panicked sounds. 

When Joel turned the corner, he let his eyes race ahead, his stomach already twisting at the scene he found. There was a man on the other side of the aisle, his belt swinging freely from one side of his loosened pants. Underneath him, there was a girl, small, and thrashing and crying and kicking like a terrified animal. 

Another scream began. 

Joel shot, interrupting it. 

A splash of blood burst from the man’s face, dousing the girl underneath. Her image was quickly hidden though, buried underneath the fallen corpse of her attacker. She yelped, and scrambled again, whining and crying until she was free from the prison of his weight. She balled up in her spot right after, staring down at the inexplicable melon-head beneath her. 

“Hey.” 

The girl’s eyes snapped up. Any panic that had begun to simmer down immediately surged back. She spared a second to glance down at the body again, her eyes racing up and then looked at Joel with the exact same type of terror, before emerging with something in her hands. 

Joel watched, immediately suspecting a gun. “Whoa, now-” 

The girl lifted her hands up, revealing an old switchblade. She smeared the tears on her cheeks away, trying to seem bigger than she was, but it didn’t work. 

She was a terrified kid. 

The urgency in Joel’s expression blinked. “Hey,” He repeated again, his voice painted soft, though he didn’t let himself hear it. The girl just stared up at him with her knife, not realizing the tremble of her own grip or the violent shakes that rippled through her entire, bare body. He just realized that now. Only her knees were covering her, along with the clearly torn pair of underclothes on her lower half. She cringed under his eyes. “It’s okay,” He tried. “I’m not gon’ hurt you.” 

The girl didn’t even blink. She just stared up through her tears, terrified of him. 

Fuck. 

Joel wasn’t any good at this. Out of practice, more like. Anyway, he caught the girl’s eyes resting on his gun. He followed her gaze, his expression softening with something akin to sympathy. “This was just for him,” He promised, lowering himself down to her level and releasing a creak of his knees in the process. “Do… do you want me to take him away from you?” 

The girl stole glances in between the man in front of her, and then the dead one laying by her trembling feet. Eventually, she bobbed her head up and down, nodding. She sniffled after, tugging Joel’s heart, despite his best attempts. 

“Alright,” Joel agreed, not allowing himself to hear the softness of his own voice. The girl watched him behind terrified eyes as he inched closer. Her eyes sank with him as he leaned down and grabbed the corpse by either of his wrists; they followed him down the aisle until both of the men were gone. 

When Joel came back, the girl’s eyes found him again. She balled up again, becoming smaller and smaller with each step he took towards her. He was tall, and big looking, bigger than the man he’d just dragged away. Her eyes found the gun again. If he was going to use it, she at least hoped he used it before he touched her. The other man hadn’t wanted it like that. His friends hadn’t. 

She didn’t want to go through it again. 

She hoped he just shot her. 

“ Kid.” 

The girl’s eyes perked up. Had he been calling her? She switched her knife open, cautious. Joel just sighed. There was still a corpse just down the aisle, his belt completely undone, his pants a little less so. It made it hard to blame her. 

“You don’t got anything,” Joel commented gently, moving slowly while he dug into his backpack. He emerged with a sweatshirt, along with a pair of sweatpants, both far too big, but better than nothing. He stretched his arm out after, offering them over. “Here-” 

The girl scrambled back an inch, wary, and desperate to maintain the five foot gap or so between them. 

Joel sighed. “Look, kid. If I was gon’ hurt you, I would’ve done it already.” It was blunt, but logical. He didn’t have anything left inside of him, nor the time, to offer anything better, anything that this kid deserved. “These are clothes,” He reached his arm out again. “Do you want ‘em?” He let his eyes stray around the building. “Are yours around here somewhere? Do you want me to go look-” 

The girl snatched the clothes out of Joel’s grip. By the time he looked back, she was already in her ball again, desperately upkeeping her five feet of distance. He spared her the pain of having him watch as she slipped the clothes on, and ducked his head away. “Okay?” He asked after a few seconds. He didn’t get anything in response, unsurprisingly; he let them sit for a few more seconds before turning his head. 

Joel’s clothes swallowed the girl. She seemed content with that. She’d tucked her knees all the way up to her chest, making herself as small as she could. Her still-shaking hands still clutched her knife, baring it up and pretending like it’d actually do anything. It hadn’t ten minutes ago. She stared up at Joel, waiting, or just petrified. He couldn’t tell which. There were tears in her eyes. She tried to blink them away: they just came back again. 

“Are you from the Q.Z?” Joel nudged. They were only a few hours southwest of Boston. The kid looked scrawny too, too small for her age, like most Q.Z kids. “Do you know how to find your way back?” No answer. “Do you… do you need any help findin’ your way back?” 

The girl’s expression flared, and she bared her knife up again, scared. Of the Q.Z? It wasn’t clear. She seemed scared of everything right now. 

“Easy,” Joel soothed dismissed. At least he knew the kid understood him now. She hadn’t said a single word, except when he’d heard her screaming. “It was an offer. Not a threat.” He sighed then, and shrugged. “If you ain’t goin’ back to the Q.Z, where are you goin’?” His eyes ducked towards the corpse behind them. “It ain’t safe for you to be all alone out here, ‘specially if that little knife’s all you’ve got.” 

An annoyed expression temporarily overwhelmed the fear in the girl’s face, a silent ‘ no shit.’ 

Joel almost snorted. He didn’t. “Are you hurt?” He began again, his voice still painted over in that gentle, disarming tone, though he’d never own it. “Where are your parents? Do you… do you have any?” 

The girl didn’t answer, or even react. She just stared forward, watching every movement that Joel made with careful, tear-glazed eyes. Her hands stayed glued to her knife the entire time. 

“Look, kid, if you don’t give me anythin’ here, I can’t help you.” Joel stared ahead, waiting, but again the kid didn’t say anything, only stared. He sighed, and lifted himself up to his feet again, reluctant. The better part of him wanted to just leave, to turn and keep on to Tommy’s and forget that he’d ever stumbled in on this. The rest of him was looking at this kid, and how goddamn small she was, and how much she was shaking still. She looked so terrified. She wouldn’t last five minutes out here. 

Someone else would come along. 

Or something else. 

More hunters, infected.  

And it would be Joel’s fault. 

It isn’t your concern, he tried one last time, but it was no use. 

Joel sighed again, and then shifted his weight, fighting himself. “There’s a town nearby,” He disclosed. “My friends’,” He added after. “I’m headed there right now. They’ve got runnin’ water there. Electricity, walls.” The girl listened quietly, and watched behind stale tears. “They’re good folk.” Frank is, he corrected himself quietly. 

“You’d be safe there,” Joel continued, gentle. “Could have some time to figure out where you’re goin’.” He let his eyes sit against the girl’s face, waiting for any sort of response or even just some acknowledgment, but he didn’t get any, only a terrified little face meeting his own. He tried not to let the sight soften him as much as it did. “It’s west of here,” He offered, retreating. “You just follow that road out there and you’ll find it, got it?” 

He hesitated. “Tell ‘em… tell ‘em Joel sent you.” 

The girl stared. 

Joel sighed again, and then turned. Ain’t my kid, he attempted as he fled, though that thought brought little comfort. That little girl in there was going to die. Against every instinct inside of him, he found himself wishing she’d just follow. Whatever. Kids died every day. He knew that now. This was no different. So why couldn’t he just forget about it? 

There was a stumble. 

Joel turned back, trying to ignore the sudden lift of his heart inside his chest. The girl stared back at him, wearing that same tear-masked, scared expression. Her knife was still clutched tightly in her grip, shaking, and she was still watching Joel, wary of his every move. She inched forward though now, tiptoeing inch by inch until that five foot distance between them was reinstated. 

Joel stared back. He’d never admit to the small smile that tugged against the corners of his lips. “You comin’?” He questioned, hopeful. 

The girl didn’t answer, only stared up. 

Joel prepared himself to get used to that. “It’s about four hours,” He announced, turning his head west towards Bill and Frank’s town. “Think we can manage that without you stickin’ me?” His eyes bowed down towards the knife. 

The girl followed Joel’s gaze down to her knife, slowly realizing that it had been an attempt at a joke. She found his face again after. She almost looked confused, under that scared look in her eyes. 

Joel just turned away, fighting off the urge to try and offer the girl a smile, and then claimed the very left side of the road. He left the right for her. “You ain’t walkin’ behind me,” He dismissed. Even if her knife was small, it was still a knife, and she was also so small that it wouldn’t be hard for her to sneak up on him. “This way, I ain’t walkin’ behind you either,” He added after. 

The girl realized that, and then claimed the right side of the road, her eyes still tracking Joel as they began to walk. She risked a brief second to glance back at the gas station, her eyes foggy and also longing for a reason that he couldn’t find. Before too long, her eyes sailed back, watching him again. 

Joel met the girl’s gaze with his own, and then shied away, afraid of the softness that he could feel claiming his face. 

Ain’t your kid. 

Ain’t your kid. 

So, why was he walking her to safety? 

He didn’t know. 

They walked for a few hours before they stopped. 

The girl had been limping for the first few miles. Joel had pretended not to notice it at first, mainly because it wasn’t hard to guess the immensely personal reason for the injury. Ain’t my kid. That thought had long grown old. She was still a kid, and she’d been through something no child ever should. Still, he was too much of a coward to say anything, or feel anything.

Twenty years ago, he would’ve done anything to make this little girl feel safe, soothed. Hell, he would’ve taken her in if she had nowhere else to go. 

It wasn’t twenty years ago. And he was a scared man now. 

As the sun sank lower, the kid’s limp worsened, and she was falling further behind. It was almost dusk anyway, so Joel stopped them. 

Immediately, the girl’s eyes raced up, wary, and shining. Her hands tightened around her knife, an attempt at a threat, though it played out more like a plea. 

Joel let the gaze pass. In the last three hours, he’d become suddenly used to the feeling of eyes sitting against his face. He didn’t blame her. The kid was probably terrified of him, no matter his gentle tone or how he hadn’t gotten closer than five feet to her the entire day. “You’re hurt,” He nudged now. The girl shied her eyes away, quiet. “Look, it’s gettin’ dark anyway. The rest is uphill. You don’t want to tack on a sprained ankle, do you?” 

The girl lifted her eyes up, blinking away the fog that had gathered there. She sank her weight down on her hip then, waiting. 

Joel nodded, and then led them a little further uphill. “We want to get up high,” He explained on the path up. “Better view.” He didn’t know when he’d become a wilderness teacher. Maybe because it was clear that the kid had no clue where she was going or what she was going to do. Where had she even come from? Who? He didn’t know a single thing, only that she had no clue what she was doing out here. 

All he could think of was Sarah. 

She would’ve been lost too. 

That girl had loved her nail polish, her hair, her makeup. Joel remembered the first and last time he’d tried to take them camping. She’d woken up with her hair in tangles and had cried the whole way home. He frowned at the pain of the memory, of her , and stuffed them both away. 

The girl glanced around the hilltop that Joel stopped them on. There was a tree trunk on the far side. She claimed it, and slid down, balling herself up and then settling her eyes against his face. She watched him move, her grip on her knife tensing and waning over and over as he moved. 

“I’m only gettin’ sticks,” Joel shushed as he collected the kindling around them. He gathered a collection of small, dry sticks, and then crouched down, making sure that he was in agreement with their five foot distance. “The drier your wood is, the more room for oxygen, the less smoke you make.” Again, he found the lessons just running out of his mouth. He was going to dump this kid, he knew that: he might as well dump her with some clue of how to survive beyond the walls that he suspected she’d come from. 

The girl watched Joel assemble the small twigs and sticks into a teepee shape. He stuffed some old newspaper from his backpack in the center, and then lit a spark to it. The fire caught. As he’d promised, there was barely any smoke, if any. She watched, cautiously curious. 

Joel caught the girl’s gaze. Her arms were tied around her body, her knees tucked up into her chest. Under the looseness of his clothes, he could see her shivering. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the cold, or if it was because she was still terrified. Maybe both. “You can come sit,” He invited, gesturing towards the fire. 

The girl followed Joel’s gesture, and then returned to his eyes. They were dark and cold, like hers; both of them were wearing a muzzle. 

“You don’t trust me,” Joel translated. He nodded after, not even a little angry-seeming. The girl watched, curious again, and afraid. “I’m sure it ain’t easy to,” He admitted after, softer. Again, the girl didn’t answer, only stared, and shivered again. He frowned at the sight. “Look, kid, you’re cold.” He scooted back a few feet, allowing the girl that five foot distance. “We can trade places.” If he was the thing standing between a cold, traumatized kid and probably the only warmth she’d had in days, he’d move, and he did. He hoped someone would’ve for Sarah. 

The girl watched the now empty spot beside the fire, her skin tingling and begging to be closer to its warmth. She rushed a glance towards Joel right after, confused almost, and still afraid. He watched her, attempting a bored expression. “I’m not gon’ hurt you, kid,” He promised. “I know that means nothin’ to you,” He realized after, his voice low, gentle-like “I won’t.” He felt his eyes soften out of his own control; for self preservation, he glanced the other way.

“It ain’t okay, what he did,” Joel began, keeping his eyes anywhere but on that little girl. “I mean, you’re just a little kid. Not that it would’ve been okay either way, but… well, I’m just sorry, and…” A sigh cycled out of his lungs, and he dipped his head down. “... fuck, I’m not any good at this,” He muttered to himself. 

The girl blinked away the tears that had begun to build in her eyes, and then replaced them with a pitying look. “... you really aren’t,” She agreed quietly. 

Joel’s head sprang up, and he stared back at the girl, almost shocked to hear her actually speak after the last four hours or so of nothing. His ears had grown used to the quiet. It almost felt offensive now, to hear her speak, like a slap. “You can talk,” He commented awkwardly, his tone staggered and unfocused like a child. 

The girl’s eyes narrowed. Of course I can fucking talk, the look said, her silence returning. 

“Well, you haven’t exactly given me a whole lot to go off of here,” Joel defended himself, scoffing lazily. “Are you from the Q.Z?” He repeated. “Do you have folks there? Anyone who cares?” 

That phrasing slipped accidentally out of Joel’s lips. He grimaced after, annoyed with his own words. ‘Cares.’ That one in particular was a mistake. The girl shared his tense expression. “Fuck you.” 

“Sorry,” Joel admitted. “That ain’t how I…. you know what I meant.”

The girl just rolled her eyes, and then glanced away, quiet. 

“My name’s Joel,” He volunteered suddenly, for no other reason than to fish for the kid’s name. 

The girl caught on immediately, and glared back, cautious. “You said,” She replied, her tone flat and uninterested. “What are your friends’ names?” She nudged after, reluctant. 

“Bill,” Joel answered. He was just glad that the kid was talking. He’d answer her questions, if it meant that maybe he’d have any clue who she was or where the hell she’d come from. Bill would want to know, need to know, to let her in. That was the reason he was asking. The only reason. Obviously. “And Frank.” 

The girl frowned. Men’s names. She’d been hoping for women. 

Joel caught the disappointment. “You don't…” He sighed. “... you don’t got anythin’ to worry about with them,” He muttered quietly, holding the kid’s gaze. After a few seconds, her face changed, softening with understanding, and he pulled away, but not before she shivered again. 

“Will you come sit?” Joel gestured towards the fire again. “I swear I’m not gon’ do anything.” 

The girl’s expression hardened. “That means so much to me,” She commented flatly, using the exact same snark that Sarah would’ve. Joel sat in it, his expression soft with grief. Despite her feist, the girl stood, and then plopped down in front of the fire, immediately sinking with the heat. He watched, glad. “Stop fucking looking at me.” She tried to make it a demand, but it was a plea. 

Joel listened anyway, and turned his eyes away. The fire crackled between them, filling the sudden quiet. And then: 

“... it’s really gonna be safe there, right?” 

Joel felt the smallness of the girl’s voice settle into him like a knife. The mask had slipped. Next to him was a scared little kid, who’d been through hell today and God knows how much longer, who had nothing more than another strange man to sit next to, who just wanted to know that maybe sometime soon she’d feel safe. 

His expression softened. “Bill and Frank’s?” He questioned gently. He abided by the kid’s plea, and didn’t look her away. She gave a small hum of a yes. “It will be,” He confirmed. “They’ve got real walls there, electric ones. And traps all around.” A warm chuckle claimed his throat, just for a second. “Bill’s a bit of a safety-maniac.” His eyes misted over. “He’s a protector.” 

He held his watch. 

“You’ll be safe there.” 

The kid nestled a little, sinking with dull relief that settled beside the pain in her stomach. Joel hadn’t seen, because she’d asked him not to look at her, and he hadn’t once since she’d asked. She nestled again, more so now. 

Joel kept describing the town. 

And the kid tried her hardest not to fall asleep to it like it was a lullaby. After a few minutes, it got easy. The thoughts of that gas station found their way back back, souring the warmth of the fire, and the man beside it. 

They sat like that until dawn, neither of them trusting enough to let their eyes close. 

When the sun rose, they kept on, each of them clinging to their respective sides of the path. 

Joel felt the kid stealing glances. He let her, pretending he didn’t notice. Her knife was in her pocket now. She didn’t even notice the change, but he did. He tried not to let himself feel any type of way about it. 

He was already failing.

Chapter Text

The girl had never been in the woods before. That much was clear. 

Joel glanced over his shoulder for the tenth time in the last hour. He’d let the kid walk behind them. He hadn’t even realized that until now. Stupid, he tried, though no real venom came with that thought. It was hard, watching the kid: she couldn’t be any older than thirteen, and it showed. 

The girl leant down beside a pothole in the road they were walking along; there were only weeds, though she didn’t care, looking past the overgrowth and finding a little flower hidden inside, its petals bright and pretty. Her fingers dove down by the stem, like she was going to pluck it up out of its place and tuck it away behind her ear for her own collection, but then she stopped herself. 

The little flower didn’t deserve that, to be plucked away and stolen only because someone else wanted it. 

She hadn’t deserved it either. 

Joel turned his gaze away as the kid moved on from the pothole. Her eyes soon found their newly claimed spot against the back of his head. He ignored it as he had for the last day, only thinking of the man that they’d left behind and his unbuckled belt, and then kept on leading them. Walking them. 

Joel’s pace slowed. The girl turned her chin up behind him, hyper-vigilant. Her fingers slipped back towards her pocket, lingering by the knife hidden away there. “What?” She questioned, inching back when he moved, immediately skittish again. 

“Nothin’,” Joel dismissed, slowing as he realized the girl’s terrified demeanor. Fuck. He didn’t realize he’d freak her out so much just by stopping. “There’s just… there’s somethin’ up ahead I don’t think you should see.” 

The girl’s eyes narrowed with mistrust. In a second, all of the mistrust from the day prior swelled up again. “Bullshit,” She shook her head, inching back another step. 

“Kid,” Joel began, sighing. “If I was gon’ hurt you-” 

“If you were gonna hurt me,” The girl repeated. Her knife was free from her pocket now, and clenched tightly between the smallness of her hands. She spared a rushed glance at the woods on either side of them, searching for faces. “There are a lot of other fucking things to do.” Her eyes ran back to Joel before long, accusatory. “Low on supplies? Ration cards?” 

“Christ,” The word left Joel in a huff. “I ain’t gonna sell you, kid.” 

The girl just shrugged, like it was the most obvious thing. “We’re going down that road,” She outlawed, pointing towards the path that Joel had decided against with the tip of her knife. “And you have to walk in front.” She tried to make both demands just that, demands, but really they came out like pleas. 

Joel listened anyway. The kid was just as tense and scared as she had been when he’d first found her now, any semblance of trust built up squashed like a bug as soon as he did something unexpected. “Okay,” He agreed, walking again. “It… it really ain’t for a kid to see,” He tried one last time. 

“Yeah, I’m sure,” The girl snorted, doubtful. “Keep walking, old man.” 

A faint creak of amusement spilled over Joel’s face. “Ain’t gotta make it personal,” He drawled, carrying the best attempt at life in his voice that he’d managed in twenty years. The girl only huffed, blind to the value. 

Joel’s pace slowed as they made it further down the road, because he could see a ditch coming up ahead, the exact reason he hadn’t wanted them to come down this way. He didn’t even know the kid’s name; still, she was just a kid, looked only thirteen or so. She’d already seen too much, Lord knows. 

And now there were skeletons on the side of the road. Little ones. Wrapped in swaddles. Pacifiers hid in the caverns of their skulls. 

Joel heard the girl’s pace slow behind him. Despite his best attempts, his expression softened, and he let his focus drift over, sorry. She peered down at the skeletons, her gaze hooked on the smallest ones. Her eyes softened against them. They were only babies, some of them still held close and cradled against their parents’ bare ribs. 

“I told you,” Joel sighed. He didn’t mean it as an ‘I told you so.’ It was a quiet announcement of trust, a gentle reminder that he hadn’t wanted to steer them away for any ulterior motive or because there were men in the woods waiting to take her. There really had been something down this way. He hadn’t lied. 

The girl just slanted her eyes over, shooting a quick glance, and then returned to the sight of the bodies. “There’s holes,” She realized, spotting a repetition of gaps throughout the rib cages. 

“Bullets,” Joel commented grimly. The girl waited her eyes against his face, nudging for more. “F.E.D.R.A,” He sighed. “When everythin’ first happened, they rounded people up from their homes, promised them room in a Q.Z.” 

The girl shook her head. “And?” 

“And there weren’t always room.” 

A reaction pulled over the girl’s face. “But babies don’t take any room,” She disagreed. “And they’re babies. ” 

A tug played through Joel’s heart, followed by the softening of his face. She was a good kid. He could tell. “They take food,” He corrected quietly. “And mindin’.” He shrugged limply. “Ain’t worth it to F.ED.R.A.” An image of Sarah appeared in his mind, followed by the wetness of her blood spilling over his hands. He grimaced, and then kept walking. “C’mon. Let’s get movin’.” 

The girl stayed. “I don’t get it,” She admitted, her eyes still glued to the skeletons. “Why not just leave them alone? They weren’t hurting anybody.” 

Joel’s expression softened. “Dead people can’t get infected,” He sighed. He thought of Sarah again. “Come on now. You shouldn’t be lookin’ at that, anyway.” 

The girl rolled her eyes. “Why not? I’ve seen worse.” 

Joel didn’t dispute that. “I don’t want you lookin’ at it,” He excused gently, trying not to think about how he was claiming some sort of ownership with that. 

The girl noticed. She narrowed her eyes, defensive. “You’re not my fucking dad,” She reminded coldly. 

Joel felt a wince play over his face, for a reason he couldn’t even find. I know, he should’ve answered. I’m not. Instead, he was quiet, reeling from something that never should’ve hurt him in the first place. 

Another ten minutes, and they stopped again. Or, at least, the girl did. 

Joel turned his head back at the sudden lack of footsteps and watched the kid, and the reluctant, awe-filled glint lighting her eyes. He followed her gaze, and found the long-destroyed airplane spread out over the meadow beside them. “Is… is that a spaceship?” She nudged.

Amusement spilled through Joel’s wrinkles. He smothered it. “It’s an airplane,” He corrected, huffing shallowly. “It ain’t all that,” He dismissed. 

The kid’s face scrunched like she’d taken personal offense. “It was in the sky .” She rolled her eyes, and then placed her hands on her hips and gazed ahead at the remnants of the plane scattered in the valley before them. There was wonder in her eyes. 

Joel was quiet, and just let the kid enjoy it. It was nice to see something other than terror on her face, or mistrust. There was curiosity. It belonged there, unlike everything else. “It was,” He confirmed, watching now too. “Y’know, I… I went up at sunset once. The sun made the clouds glow, like a big, slow explosion.” The story fell out of him, natural; the kid listened, interested, and not scared of him for the first time. “It was real pretty.” 

A softer look claimed the girl’s face. She glanced over and observed Joel under a new gaze, a slightly not-so-cold one. She didn’t notice the curl of her own lips. 

Joel was pretty sure he hadn’t seen the kid smile before. He tried not to appreciate it as much as he did. 

A distant view of fences welcomed them to Bill and Frank’s. 

The girl squinted up at the barbed-wire fences, her expression wary. Joel heard her pace slow behind him, and he allowed it, imagining the way her eyes were probably racing over every crevasse now in a hunt for other faces or men. “Watch your step,” He broke her out of it, instead leading her eyes to the warzone of dug-out holes scattered over the grass. 

The girl’s eyes narrowed. “What’s the deal?” 

“Bill,” Joel sighed. “He’s a bit of… well, he can be a little paranoid,” He admitted, earning himself a skeptical glance from the kid. “Frank’s real nice,” He added right after. “He’ll love havin’ a fresh face around. I know that.” 

The girl still had a scrunch in her face. “And Bill?” 

Joel sighed again. “He’ll come around,” He dismissed. “He just likes keepin’ the place safe, that’s all. It ain’t for no reason. They’ve got runnin’ water, electricity,” He repeated his promises from the previous night. “You can have a little bit to… to figure out what you’re doin’ and all.” The sound and image of him became gentle again as they brushed by the previous day. 

The kid’s eyes shied away. She didn’t say anything, only traced her eyes over their surroundings, unsettled by how quiet it was. It didn’t feel like anything lived here. Anyone. 

“What if they’re not here?” 

Joel grimaced. He’d noticed it too. “They will be,” He denied. 

They have to be. 

He pressed the code into the gate, the girl waiting behind him. 

You have to take her. 

The quiet stretched into the rest of the town. 

Each footstep deepened a wrinkle on Joel’s face. He palmed his hand over his watch the entire time, hunting for any sight of life in the ghosttown around them. The flowers were all old and dead, the paint on the buildings chipped, the wood long rotten. 

Frank would never let it get like this. 

Joel’s eyes brushed past the gates they’d just slipped past. The metal was worn, sagging. 

Bill would never let it get like that. 

A grimace settled over Joel’s face. He kept leading them to the main house, even though he already knew there’d be no one in there, no one alive, no one to take this girl off his hands. She waddled behind them as they passed through the front door, dependent. 

Fuck. 

It smelled like dust inside the house, and rotting food. Joel’s eyes glazed past the dining room and found the table, still made up from the last meal, the food barely anything more than ash by now. Meanwhile, the kid busied herself with the fancy paintings and decor scattered around the house, all of it totally new. She dragged her finger along one of the landscapes, smirking at the collection of dust that she’d earned. It didn’t last long though.

“They aren’t here, are they?” 

Joel grimaced. He turned his nose up and found the stink wafting down from the bedroom upstairs. He didn’t need to think much to determine the source. Two more friends dead, and a kid left in their place, a kid that he was going to get killed. 

“They ain’t,” Joel echoed, sighing deep. “Fuck.” He sank down into one of the dining hall chairs, his thumb and his index finger pressing firmly against either of his temples in an attempt to flush out the sudden stress. 

The kid watched, quiet. “Does… does this mean I can’t stay here now?” 

It wouldn’t be so bad. Lonely. But she’d rather that than feel someone handle her again. She’d rather that than bury her best friend again. 

Joel shook his head immediately. This place had been prone enough to raiders when Bill was here to protect it. If he left the kid here all alone, then he should’ve just left her in that gas station. It would’ve saved them both time, and the world some air. 

“It ain’t safe,” He dismissed. 

The girl’s expression slackened. She was tired of waiting to be safe. She’d been holding her breath ever since they touched her. She just wanted to let go. “I thought that was the whole point,” She muttered, her eyes on the floor. 

“It was,” Joel nodded. “When there was someone here to protect it.” You. He sighed, and then rubbed his fingers harder against his wrinkles. “I’m headin’ out west to my brother’s,” He admitted suddenly. “T’s why I was headin’ here, to get a truck maybe.” He lifted his eyes past the wall of his fingers, finding the kid’s doe, waiting eyes. She was so young. Fuck. 

“I could take you.” Joel pushed the words out before he couldn’t. “... I can’t leave you here,” He muttered after, shaking his head and saying it more to himself. 

The girl just stared. “Why not?” 

Joel lifted his eyes, finding the real question painted across the girl’s face. Why do you even care? Why’d you take me in the first place? 

Why’d you give me your clothes? 

Why’d you make me a fire? 

What’s in it for you? 

Joel cared. Barely even twenty four hours. Jesus, he was so pathetic. Fuck. It didn’t matter. He couldn’t say it, not out loud, not underneath the rotting body of another man who’d cared. Look where that had gotten them. 

You are going to be hurt again. 

The world was screaming it at him. 

Still, Joel was jumping in heart first, knowing the valley of grief waiting for him on the other side. 

“You’re… you’re just a kid is all,” Joel mumbled. He hoped the half-excuse sounded more convincing than it felt. Maybe it would if he could make himself meet the kid’s eyes: he couldn’t. “You don’t deserve nobody else around. ‘Specially after… after everythin’ you’ve been through.” He hung his head and then shook it, unable to look at anything but the floor. “... and I won’t leave you to it.” 

The kid stared down at Joel’s image, a little pathetic, but also sweet. Did he know that just not leaving her would be the nicest thing anyone had ever done? The only time anyone had ever made that choice? Her expression warmed with a reluctant pace. She felt something fuzzy in her chest swell. 

“Ellie.” 

His eyes raced up. 

“My name,” The kid took her turn bowing her eyes now. “It’s Ellie.” 

Joel felt something move inside of his heart. He wished he hadn’t. “Ellie,” He repeated. Her name sounded warmer in his voice. She didn’t mind it. Once those hunters knew it, they’d run away with it, made it theirs. This was nicer. He stretched his hand forward, offering a gentle, though failed attempt at a smile. “Nice to meet you, Ellie.” 

Ellie stared down at Joel’s hand, and then shook it, failing to hide the smirk that curled over her lips. “Jesus, dude, you’re so old.” It came out softly. 

Joel took the criticism. It was nice to have seen even a smirk on Ellie’s face, much less the grin that had been there seconds prior. He was glad to have put it there, because that meant that it was there at all. And it was nice to know her name. His heart wouldn’t stop feeling things. Fuck. “There’s a garage over yonder,” He disclosed suddenly, using it as an excuse to tug his hand back. 

Over yonder? Ellie thought quietly, a short-lived jump of her old self. The parts that had survived that gas station kept her lips sealed and silent, and her posture stiff and unsure. She always felt so wrong now, like a planet thrown off its axis. She didn’t know who she was anymore. 

“I’m gon’ go see if there’s something in there I can’t fix up,” Joel announced. “There’s a shower upstairs.” His voice was softer now. Fuck, he had to stop allowing that. “Why don’t you get yourself one?” He tried not to let his heart clench at the way the kid’s Ellie’s eyes immediately yearned. He couldn’t imagine how nice the idea of rinsing off probably was for her right now. “Then we can scavenge around for anythin’ useful.” 

Ellie thought it over, and then nodded. “Okay.” 

Their first plan. 

Joel found a truck in the garage. Its engine was intact, and its battery dead, but he’d been able to scavenge around enough to charge it. He busied himself with the rest of the hood, an unconscious attempt to take his mind off of the minefield that he’d just thrown himself into heart first. 

“I could take you,” Joel’s words played between his ears. What the hell was he fucking thinking? The worst part was he didn’t even regret it, not truly, not in his heart. Somewhere buried inside of him was that gentle man, the one who had kissed band-aid dressed knees and chased away nightmares and sang to a little body in his lap. The kid, Ellie, was tearing that man out of his grave like it was so easy, and it’d only been two days. 

This wasn’t going to end well. 

Joel kept himself busy with the truck for half an hour for Ellie’s sake. Still, when he made his way upstairs, he could hear her crying, the soft, small volley of sound hidden underneath the rushing of scalding water. 

He felt his heart soften. 

He tried his hardest not to feel it. 

She’d been through too much. 

Ellie stared down at the water pooling around her bare body. She was curled up as tightly into herself as she could manage, like if she could just make herself small enough, she’d disappear entirely, as would all the things in her head. 

The hot water was new. It was scalding, actually, but she didn’t know how to change that because she’d never had a nice shower like this before, and she preferred it this way anyway. Her skin was red, burning. She waited for the feeling of all of the handprints and grime to wash off of her as their physical imprints had, but no such relief came. She was boiling herself, and it still didn’t change a fucking thing. 

This was permanent. 

She’d never be someone they hadn’t touched. 

Riley never would be. And she hadn’t even gotten the chance to scald herself like this. 

She kept crying. 

When Ellie came down the steps, her fingers were wrinkled, and her eyes were puffy. Joel didn’t see it, for both of their sakes. She was still wearing his clothes, too, despite the pile he’d left out for her. He didn’t see that either. 

Joel did see what Ellie was packing. Her eyes dove past any of the boxes of useful things scattered around them, clothes, toiletries, shoes, and instead settled on the comic books. She rifled through the pile, her puffy eyes lighting up like a kid in a candy store. He watched, and then felt something softening across his face, and a sudden weight in his heart, so he didn’t watch anymore. 

“Pack some real shit,” Joel muttered casually under his breath, no real venom to the order. He didn’t get anything in response, only a blurry middle finger sent from the corner of his eye. He denied the smirk that threatened to spill over his lips. 

The truck waited for them in the garage, along with a backdrop of guns. They lined the entire wall. Ellie didn’t even glance at them. 

Joel thought it was because she was scared. He didn’t know that the bag he was currently stuffing into the backseat hid its own piece, buried deep under a layer of comic books. 

It didn’t really even have anything to do with Joel. 

Guns were power. 

And Ellie wanted power. 

No one was ever going to put their hands on her again. 

Ellie stood, thinking, by the passenger door. Her eyes ducked briefly towards the backseat, reluctant. She found Joel’s face after, and the softness of it that he tried to hide under a grumpy exterior. Fuck it. Before she could think about every reason why it was a mistake, she climbed into the passenger seat, more of a kid than she’d ever let herself be. 

“Whoa.” 

There were so many buttons. 

The kid had never actually been inside of a car before. That much was clear. Her hands found whatever they could press. The window, and then the radio. Before too long, the dashboard jutted open in front of her like a spring. 

Joel watched, amusing himself with how hard the kid jumped. “Never been in a car before, huh?” 

Ellie shot over a brief, spiteful glance, and then began fiddling with the glovebox. “It’s like a spaceship,” She defended herself, hands wrist-deep into all of the junk. 

“More like a piece of shit Chevy,” Joel snorted, no real venom to the curse. Ellie noticed that. She felt safe because of it. There was never any real anger behind his words. There was never any anger with him. It was so not what she was used to. She liked it, though. “I reckon it should get us to Wyoming, though.” He sank an eyebrow down. “I hope,” He muttered after. 

Ellie’s lips curled, a shadow away from being a smile. “Hey, look.” She reclaimed her hands from the glovebox, holding something. A cassette. “I used to have a bunch of these.” 

Joel watched the kid press the tape into its deck, almost impressed that she knew how. It would’ve taken Sarah a few hours, at least. He plunged the thought from his mind as soon as it came, and the name, wincing. The kid didn’t notice. She was focused on the music, decreeing a verdict. After a few more seconds: 

“Better than nothing, I guess.” 

Joel snorted. “Put your seatbelt on.” 

Ellie glanced over. “Huh?” 

Joel’s expression softened. He stopped himself from reaching over and pulling it for her. She’d given him her name. That didn’t mean he could just go and break her personal space now. 

“Your belt,” Joel repeated, wrapping his hand around his own and tugging it up from his chest so that Ellie could see. She trailed her eyes up the belt, finding where it came out of, and then turned her focus to her side and found her own. 

“Oh, shit,” Ellie commented as she buckled it, curious. “What’s it do?” 

“Keeps your ass in that seat,” Joel drawled, immediately snapping his eyes up into the rearview mirror and imagining Sarah crumpled up in the backseat. He squirmed away from the memory. 

Meanwhile, Ellie was smiling to herself. “It’s like an astronaut seat,” She literally cooed the sentence, her voice small and reluctant like the rest of her. 

Joel practically winced. She was such a kid. “It is,” He echoed, unable to manage anything more. Thankfully, the music took over for him, filling the quiet. 

“I am an old woman, 

Named after my mother. 

My old man is another, 

Child who’s grown old.” 

Ellie listened to the soft strum of the banjo, and the gentle, fuzzy vocals that always came along with old, live performances. “Okay. This isn’t that bad, actually,” She admitted, refusing to look anywhere else but the window as she nudged the volume up. 

Joel smiled. 

He had to stop doing that.

Chapter Text

Ellie loved the road. Maybe it was because of the Q.Z. After being trapped behind walls for her entire life, being able to just go was her new favorite thing. It was probably why she loved space so much too, and dinosaurs. She liked the untame, the open, the endless. It’d barely even been a day in the truck so far. She hadn’t taken her eyes off of the windows once. 

A part of it was fear. 

Always wanting to be able to see what was out there. Making sure no one was coming. There weren’t any hands closeby, no belts to be torn off in a rush. 

The rest of it was fascination. 

“How do you think all these roads are empty?” Ellie tucked her knees up to her chest, making herself small on the seat as she stared out the window with her palms pressed against the glass. She watched the broken down trucks and cars whiz past them, the speed exciting her. 

“Military,” Joel answered. He bowed his eyes over from the driver’s seat, briefly verifying the seatbelt still strapped over Ellie’s chest. “They had big trucks with plows on ‘em to clear the roads so that their tanks could get through after.” 

A reluctant spark of excitement lit through Ellie’s eyes. She’d stopped waiting for Joel to hurt her ever since they left Bill and Frank’s. He was right. If he was going to do anything, he’d have done it by now. It didn’t mean she’d stopped holding her breath though. Even if he wasn’t going to use her or sell her or whatever, he was still a grownup, and every grownup that she’d ever known had hit her, or yelled at her, or thrown her in dark closets, or starved her, or rubbed hot peppers on her open wounds if she complained that it hurt. 

The list went on. 

That was what being taken care of was. 

Ellie waited for it now. It hadn’t come yet. 

“I wanna see a tank.” 

Joel glanced over, amused. “You will,” He assured. “Helicopters, humvees.” He shrugged. “Military went to shit pretty soon after everythin’ went down. Most of it’s scattered all over now, in fields and whatnot.” 

Ellie glanced over the windows again and started a search of the grassland around them, all the while still listening. In the last twenty four hours, she’d quickly grown to like all of Joel’s stories. She’d probably asked him about a hundred questions, just today. He grumbled each time, and muttered a complaint, each time hoping that she couldn’t see past the mask. 

She couldn’t. 

Maybe he just didn’t like her. 

He probably didn’t. 

“What’s your brother’s name?” 

Joel glanced over. What was that now? A hundred and one questions today? He’d lost count. “Tommy,” He answered, unsure as to why. He just liked Ellie’s questions, or really more the fact that she was asking them. He appreciated the shift from the total silence that she’d given him at first, again for  a reason he couldn’t find or wouldn’t admit. 

She was warming up to him. 

He cared about that. 

He was attached. 

“Older or younger?” 

“Younger,” Joel admitted.

“So, like, seventy?” 

Joel panned his eyes over to the passenger seat, watching how Ellie smirked under the convincing look of annoyance on his face. “Funny,” He droned flatly, widening the reluctant smile on her face. He was just glad it was there. Two days ago, she’d been shaking and naked and staring up at him from behind the cover of her own knees. She was slowly coming out of that shell of her own body. He was watching the process, quiet, glad. She deserved it. 

Joel had only known Ellie for two days, but it didn’t matter. She was a good kid, so much so that it was plain to see. And almost even worse, she was cute. 

She’d named every bird that had flown by them so far. 

Polly. 

Dave. 

Dave again. 

Joel glanced back in the rearview mirror every time, every time expecting to see Sarah crumpled back there. Every time, he didn’t, but still he kept on looking.

“Why’d you guys split up?” 

Joel glanced over again, his expression a little more hesitant now, guarded. “Alright,” He proclaimed suddenly, drawing Ellie’s gaze. “If I answer, I get to ask some questions about you.” He spared one of his hands from the wheel and then let it linger, waiting for her to shake. 

Ellie hesitated, thinking it over. “I can say no,” She outlawed. 

The language of that sentence had Joel immediately nodding. Jesus. 

Ellie thought it over for a few more seconds, but eventually leaned forward and shook Joel’s hand. It was the first time she’d ever let him touch her. She didn't notice. It’d felt so ordinary, safe. Maybe that seemed unimportant, but after everything she’d been through, it wasn’t. “Fine,” She agreed. “But you answer first. Why’d you separate?” 

“Well, Tommy’s what you’d call a joiner,” Joel began. Ellie settled in, ready for a story. It was cute. He didn’t see that, though. If he told himself he didn’t, he didn’t. “He joined the military when he was eighteen. Wanted to save the world.” There was a bitter tone in his throat. It was unfamiliar. “I couldn’t speak to him most of the time he was there. Reckon that was good practice for now.” 

Ellie listened. 

“Well, he quit that,” Joel huffed. “And didn’t learn a damn thing from it. Twenty five years later, he joined the Fireflies.” He announced the word, mocking it. He missed the way that Ellie straightened right up in her seat in response to that fucking word, along with the movement of her palm, which suddenly hid a patch of her sleeve. “Made the exact same damn mistakes.” 

“Was he, like… is he still a Firefly?” 

Joel didn’t hear the unease in Ellie’s voice. She always talked sort of small, like if she spoke too loud, a pair of hands would come along and find her, so he didn’t flag it. “No,” He dismissed, snorting again. His voice wasn’t so bitter now, though, not with her; he softened his tone, and made sure that he didn’t notice. “Bein’ Tommy, he quit that, too.” 

Ellie sank. Her hand did, too, forgetting the shadow of something hidden under her sleeve. “So,” She cleared her throat. “What, you’re, like, chasing after him now?” 

Joel shook his head. “He left a while ago,” He dismissed, his voice easy again when he spoke to Ellie, all the bitterness fleeing his tone as well as his face. “Except, now, he hasn’t been answerin’ me on the radio. He’s never done that. He belongs to a town. It’s safe. He always answers in a day, maybe two.” He shook his head. “It ain’t right.” A brief, sibling-look of annoyance reclaimed his face. “Now, I’ve gotta go find him. Dig him out of another damn hole and probably clean up whatever mess he’s found his way into.” 

Ellie’s eyes waited reluctantly against Joel’s face, their approach soft. “What if you don’t find him?” Her mind wandered back to Bill and Frank’s, as did his. What if it was the same thing? 

Joel wouldn’t accept that. “I’ll find him.” 

“How do you know?” Ellie pushed. 

“Because I’m persistent,” Joel answered, sounding so sure. He shook his head. “You keep going for family.” 

 Ellie’s eyes waited again. She knew she wasn’t that. A sudden weight wilted over her face, a longing for something that would only ever be a daydream. I’m just cargo, she reminded herself. An empty body now, flesh, and nothing more. Or at least, that was what it felt like. 

She just wanted to be a kid. 

She’d never really felt like one before. 

“Okay,” Joel brought Ellie’s focus back. “Now, I get to ask some questions.” He was quiet after, lulling over his choices; he knew so little about Ellie, where she came from, who she came from: he had a lot of options here. “Are you from the Boston Q.Z?” 

“Yeah.” 

Joel glanced over after, his expression slack. “C’mon,” He lectured. “I gave you a whole story.”  

Ellie rolled her eyes. “ Yes,” She began again. “F.E.D.R.A school,” She added after, her expression hardening. “It’s for orphans.” 

Joel’s expression twitched. Christ. How many drugs or alcohol had he smuggled to the ‘people’ running those schools? He’d never had to think about it before, but now he was staring down the barrel, looking down at a little girl, one who’d probably been raised up by addicts because of him. “How old are you?” 

“Thirteen,” Ellie answered. 

Joel’s heart clenched. That was too young. He’d already known that the kid was just that, a kid, but actually hearing that number hurt. It was too little for everything she’d been through. “How’d you get out of the zone?” He tried next. “It ain’t easy-” 

“Pass,” Ellie interrupted. Her eyes suddenly seemed glued to the passing fields. She had her hand wrapped around her wrist, her grip so tight it had to be hurting. She wouldn’t look Joel’s way. She’d skirted herself to the very edge of her seat, as small and as far away as she could make herself. 

Joel’s expression softened. He had a feeling he’d strayed too close to how she’d ended up in that gas station. He hated how tense he’d made her. He wanted to fix it. “Who’s your favorite astronaut?” 

Ellie’s eyes perked up. They were lit up now, immediately alive with the mention of space. “Sally Ride.” There was a smile on her face, reluctant, shy, hiding the excitement bubbling underneath. 

Joel smiled too. “I don’t think I know her,” He lied. 

Ellie looked at Joel with more loathing than she had in any other moment they’d shared. “You don’t know Sally Ride?” 

Joel smiled at the offense she’d clearly taken on Sally Ride’s behalf. “Tell me about her,” He nudged. He wanted her to be able to talk about something she wanted to talk about, not military schools or bad memories. She jumped at the opportunity, unable to hold herself back like she normally would. 

“She was the first American woman in space,” Ellie began, talking at about a million miles an hour. “She was the only woman on her crew. It was her and, like, four dudes, and do you know what? No one knows any of their names.” A grin lit over her face. “Only hers. That’s fucking cool.” 

Joel’s wrinkles deepened with amusement. “That is cool,” He echoed warmly. “F.E.D.R.A taught you all that?” He was almost impressed. He’d heard nothing but nightmares about those schools. The scars on Ellie’s face and knuckles only solidified that. 

“No,” Ellie snorted. “I just like books.” 

Joel smiled. Sarah had been a big reader too, always nonfiction. She’d wanted to be a park ranger when she was older, spend all her time outside looking after all the animals. God, she’d been so good. He missed her so much, missed filling the spot that she’d claimed against his chest. It felt so empty now. He turned his eyes over to the little girl beside him now, terrifying himself with the corresponding fullness. 

He looked at this kid and felt something similar to how Sarah had made him feel. 

It terrified him, because he was only going to fail her. 

Joel sat quietly for the rest of the ride, scared. 

Ellie noticed. She’d been hoping, without admitting it to herself, that Joel might ask her another question about space, or maybe what her favorite book was. He didn’t, though. 

Maybe he didn’t like her. 

When had it become so important to her that he did? 

The radio claimed the silence of the truck, replacing their conversation. 

“If dreams were lightning, and thunder were desire,

This old house would have burnt down a long time ago.” 

When the sun started to set, Joel let up on the gas. 

Ellie picked her head up and searched for an explanation. “That’s far enough for today,” Joel announced beside her, flicking the turn signal underneath his hand and then turning the wheel towards the meadow beside them; there was a treeline after fifty feet or so. He started them towards it. 

Ellie dragged her backpack out of the bed of the now parked truck, along with her sleeping bag. Joel watched from his spot a few feet away. His hands moved under him, building a fire. He amused himself with how she climbed down from the truck bed like it was Everest. She was such a kid, a small one at that. She was cute. That was the thought he wouldn’t let himself hear. 

Ellie rolled her things out and then sat down opposite Joel. She watched his hands build their fire. “Aren’t you supposed to put more wood?” 

Joel shook his head again. “The less wood you put, the more oxygen,” He explained, setting down a sparse supply of twigs and bark around the scraps of paper he’d placed in the middle. “The more oxygen, the less smoke. Remember it, because you’re gon’ be makin’ the fire tomorrow night.” 

Ellie glanced up. “Do infected see the smoke?” 

Joel hesitated. “No.” He lifted his eyes up, finding the smallness of Ellie’s face, and then bowed them down again, sparing himself from the wilting look that he knew would come as soon as he spoke again. “People,” He corrected. 

Ellie’s face fell. She sat back, and took an abrupt, much more careful look at the woods around them, like all of a sudden there was a pack of men out there, waiting for them to go to sleep. She inched closer to Joel. She didn’t even notice it. He did. He lifted his eyes up, carrying the immediate glint of fear hidden within them, and then shied away again before she could see. 

“No one’s going to find us, Ellie,” Joel followed. She listened, unaware of the hot layer of tears welling up in her eyes. He spared her from knowing. “I’ll stay up tonight and keep watch,” He offered after, his tone uncertain, because he knew she never would’ve trusted him with that role two days ago. 

Ellie just stared up behind doe-brown, young eyes. There wasn’t any objection in them. She just peered up at Joel like she was studying him, trying to comprehend him; her face warmed after, trusting, comfortable. Safe. She laid down after, her body relaxed like the rest of her. 

Joel watched, and then fled his focus to the fire in between them, trying to deny the softness of his heart inside his chest. Stop, he begged, but it wouldn’t. 

There was a kid falling asleep in front of him. 

Joel had been here before. 

And he knew where he was going. 

And still it didn’t matter. He was just as taken as he had been the first time. 

“Joel?” 

He focused again. “Mm,” He hummed in acknowledgment. 

Hesitation followed, along with a small rustle as Ellie fidgeted in her sleeping bag. “What… what if Tommy’s town is like Bill and Frank’s?” It was so easy to fall into the idea that nowhere would ever be safe, everything would fall through. That was what it felt like now, anyway. 

Joel frowned. “It won’t be,” He promised, sounding so sure. 

Ellie pouted still. “... but what if it is?” 

Joel frowned again. It was softer this time. “Well, I told you I’m persistent, didn’t I?” He sat his eyes against the flickering image of Ellie’s sleeping bag, her face turned away from him, the rest of her curled up as small as she could make herself under her blankets. His heart moved in his chest. “I’ll make sure you’re safe, Ellie. I promise.” 

Ellie turned her chin over, finding Joel’s face. No one had ever promised her anything before. And no one had ever spoken to her so softly. 

Joel was cool. 

She fell asleep to the thought. 

Joel stayed up for the rest of the night and watched over her as he’d promised, afraid. 

He watched Ellie wake up in the morning. It was hurried, scared, barely even a few seconds. Like she had the night before, immediately, she turned over, and closed her eyes again. She sat like that for a few minutes, pretending to be asleep, oblivious to the stray tears on her cheeks, and then woke up again once she thought he was convinced. 

Joel watched the entire process, and listened to the faux, exaggerated yawn that tumbled out of Ellie’s lips as she struggled up in her sleeping bag and rubbed her eyes. Weight filled his face. One second, she was waking up from a nightmare, no doubt haunted by something that never should’ve happened, especially at her age. The next, she was yawning and rubbing her eyes like any other kid. 

Jesus. 

“What’s that smell?” Ellie drew Joel’s focus back. He turned his eyes over to the pot of something brewing beside her and led her there. She craned her neck down, approaching the pot and lifting the lid up with the cadence of a wild animal. He watched, amused, and then smiled to himself as she darted back at the sudden, overwhelming stench of coffee.

“Dude,” Ellie gagged. 

“Not a fan?” Joel drawled. 

“ Ugh,” Ellie slammed the lid back down, and then fell back, scrunching herself up and hiding inside the warmth of her sleeping bag. “ That stuff smells like shit. ” Her voice was muffled through the fabric. 

Joel smiled. Sarah had hated it too. That suddenly familiar shadow of fear followed his smile, and that name. 

“Let’s get movin’.” 

Ellie grumbled from her sleeping bag, comfortable. 

Joel smiled again. 

Ellie rubbed the sleep out of her eyes once they were driving again, trying to sober up to focus on the map underneath her. She was their appointed guide, because Joel had to drive. It was a bad idea, considering she didn’t even know what a fucking interstate was. It just looked like a bunch of numbers. They also had, like, three maps, all somehow necessary. 

It wasn’t surprising when Ellie made them miss their exit, like, three times in a row. She waited for Joel to yell at her, or slap her, or just even raise his voice a little, but he didn’t. “When’s the next one?” He asked each time, not even holding a tremor. 

It was new. It was nice. 

Joel kept driving, waiting for an answer to his question, as Ellie continued to attempt to navigate. The fields around them transitioned into tall, metropolitan buildings, and then a city grid. Kansas City. He kept them far away from where the Q.Z walls were supposed to begin. He’d only heard rumors of how fucking horrible K.S military was, and just those were enough to make him keep their distance. 

Despite the distance, the city was still unnervingly quiet. 

They should’ve run into patrols or even just spotted a stray truck by now. 

Ellie had noticed too. “Where’s F.E.D.R.A?” 

A frown dragged across Joel’s face. “Focus on the map,” He nudged. Something felt off. He wanted to get them out of here. “There should be a ramp or somethin’ comin’ up soon. We want to get on interstate seventy.” 

Ellie listened, and then trailed her finger along the paper in her lap while she searched. “Seventy,” She repeated, waning with relief when she found the number. “Okay, yeah, it should just be a few more-” 

The car stopped. 

Forty to zero in less than five seconds. 

Immediately, Ellie’s seatbelt cut against her chest, keeping her in place as everything else in the car jerked forward, along with her breath, and the map. “ Geez.” She jerked her eyes up to Joel’s face, angrily searching for an explanation, but he wouldn’t look at her. He was stuck on something else. She followed his line of sight, and then straightened. 

There was a man in the road. There was blood smeared over his shirt, but it looked brown, and not fresh. His face was dirty, his hair unkempt. He didn’t have a belt. He was limping closer to the truck, a single arm stretched forward as he suddenly cried out. “Help me!” 

Ellie felt her mouth go dry. “Joel?”

Joel knew what his name meant now. It was a quiet request, a question. What are you going to do? 

Joel’s expression hardened. He dropped his hand to the stick underneath him, jolting the truck into fifth gear, and then leveled his foot against the gas. Ellie stiffened beside him, clinging onto the passenger side door. There was a thump right after she did so, inexplicable at first, until she reared her head out the back window and watched the body of that man slump down in the aftermath of the speed with which Joel had struck him. 

More yelling demanded Ellie’s focus again. She craned forward, launching her gaze down the street that they were now speeding down, and then widened her eyes. There were men on the rooftops, all of them holding cinder blocks. “Look out!” 

There was a quiet moment as one of the cinder blocks sailed down towards the windshield, and then a crash. The force of it jerked the tires, beginning a sudden war between Joel and the following series of cinderblocks for control of the truck. Screeches lept out from their truck, followed by the stench of burning rubber as their tires skidded against the street. 

“Joel!” Ellie watched another cinder block sail down towards them, and then flinched hard as it plummeted through their windshield. She jumped back, hiding her face from the sudden flurry of glass. The entire truck sank an inch suddenly, followed by a hissing sound. 

Joel swore. Their tires were out. He tightened his grip against the steering wheel, fighting for just a few more seconds of stability, and then flinched hard as they crashed through the side of a laundromat. 

Forty to zero in two seconds. 

Both of them flew forward in their seats. Ellie was smaller in her seatbelt, and had more room to fly. Joel managed to jut his arm out and catch her head from slamming into the dashboard just as he saw her lurch. She crashed into his arm, a much softer landing. The rest of her was recovering from the shock of the crash, like Joel beside her. 

The sound of yelling sobered Joel, followed by footsteps. He groaned, and then made himself sit up, the shock of the crash screaming across his old bones. “Ellie,” He panted her name, the entire time imagining Sarah crumpled up and blood in the back of the truck. “Ellie-” 

“I’m okay,” She interrupted, also managing to sit up. Her hands reached for her seatbelt, the fabric pulled so tight that it was cutting across her chest, and pulled it off. 

“Then get out,” Joel rushed. “Fast-” 

Before Joel could even finish the order, Ellie’s door opened, and both of their eyes raced up. A man stood in the frame, his hands grimy, his eyes hungry. She barely even got a glimpse before she was being torn out, kicking and screaming. A pair of gaunt arms squirmed their way around her waist and yanked. “No!” 

“Ellie!” Joel caught her hand in his. He held onto her tighter than he had to anything in twenty years. Still, she slipped out of his grip, and then screamed. 

“ No! ” Ellie screamed as the man pulled her away, the entire time struggling as hard as she could against his hips, which were squirming under hers, content. She wanted to fucking puke. “Don’t fucking touch me!” 

“Shh,” The man whispered, holding on. His voice was soft and eerie against the bare skin of Ellie’s neck. She whimpered, feral. “And hold stil-” 

Crack. 

The weight behind Ellie waned, and then slumped down to the ground. She slumped with it, trapped suddenly underneath the weight of a body. No. This felt too familiar. She was back there, in that gas station. She was stuck-

“Ellie.” Joel’s voice arrived, panted and afraid. He slid down beside the corpse, moving as fast as he could. With little effort, he flipped the man over, revealing Ellie shaking underneath. It looked too familiar. As soon as she was free, she jolted up, and then disappeared, balling up behind the cover of the truck tire behind her. “Are you hurt-” 

“I’m fine,” She snapped, staring down wide-eyed at the corpse. 

Joel went to open his lips, but then there was a crack, and he lurched down, along with Ellie. Gunshots. A storm of them began from outside. 

Joel’s hands over the truck door until they found the handle, and then fetched his rifle from inside. “Keep your head down,” He ordered amid the rush, hoping Ellie heard and listened. He didn’t have time to look. He had to get them out of this. He had to keep her alive. He had men to kill. 

While Joel shot, Ellie clasped her hands over each of her ears, and stared down at the corpse of the man who’d grabbed her, treating his dead face like shelter almost. There was a loud crack, the closest one yet, followed by the sound of glass shattering above her. She ducked her face down into the tops of her knees, afraid. 

Joel’s face didn’t have time to melt when he looked. He had to find Ellie someplace safe. “Ellie,” He called, sparing one hand away from his rifle and shaking her when she didn’t peek up at him. “ Hey, hey.” He found her eyes. Fuck, there were tears. Immediately, he was reminded of the fact that she was just thirteen, and then his face melted. 

Get her safe. 

Joel raced over their surroundings, soon finding a spare room just five feet or so opposite them. There was a small gap in the drywall, the only way inside. It was as good as it would get. “Ellie,” He demanded again, drawing her eyes. “Hey, you see that hole there?” She followed. “Do you think you can fit inside?” 

A gulp moved down Ellie’s throat. “Yeah,” She managed, yelling so as to not be drowned out by the gunshots. 

“Okay. You’re gon’ climb inside-” 

“Are you crazy?” Ellie immediately protested. “They’ll hit me.” 

Joel shook his head. “They won’t hit you,” He promised, but Ellie didn’t hear him. Another gunshot cracked above them, followed by more glass falling. She ducked her face into her knees, waiting for it to spill down over her, but he rushed forward, using himself like a shield to cover her from it. “ Ellie, ” He called as he sat back. “Look at me, hey.” He found her eyes, and then held them. “I won’t let them hit you. Do you hear me?” 

Ellie swallowed, and then nodded. 

“You stay low, you stay quiet, and you’ll be fine,” Joel continued with the promises. “I’m gon’ cover you, so they won’t even see you.” Ellie slanted her eyes over, finding the hole again with a frightened gaze, and then nodded again. “When I say go, you go.” He wrapped his grip back around his rifle, loading another cartridge, and then rose up from behind the cover of the truck. “Go!” 

Ellie army-crawled across the linoleum as fast as she could. Her body was all but vibrating the entire time, alive with fear. Cracks sounded off behind her, Joel emptying his rifle so that the hunters wouldn’t see her. Only when she was safe behind the hole, they paused. 

Joel ducked down, reloading. His heart didn’t feel so stuck in his throat suddenly, now that Ellie was safe and hidden behind a thick layer of drywall. He could think now. More importantly, he could focus. 

Ellie listened to the quick volley of cracks that ran out over the laundromat. Joel’s rifle. Methodical, calm, almost. He knew what he was doing. The small pops of the hunters’ returning fire flickered away one by one, dying after barely even a few minutes. Silence took over in the aftermath, deafening after the barely-over thunderstorm of gunfire. 

Ellie peeked out of the hole. 

Joel was standing in the middle of the laundromat, an array of fresh bodies scattered around him. Ellie felt the sight soothe her. “Joel?” 

He picked his eyes up. “Hey-” 

A door slammed open behind them. 

Joel hadn’t heard the hunter coming. He spun around, only barely having time to shove away the shotgun that the man was holding. Boom, the shot jutted up into the ceiling above them. A second later, Joel was tackled to the ground. He hit the tile hard, his fifty year old bones immediately aching in protest, though that was soon his last concern, because there was a slab of rebar being shoved down against his throat, hard. 

“You stupid motherfucker!” The hunter dug the metal down deeper, pushing a choke out of Joel’s throat. “Those were my friends you killed!” 

Ellie watched Joel’s feet struggle underneath the hunter, her eyes lit up with something in between fear and responsibility. 

No. 

Ellie dropped down to her knees, and then turned her backpack upside down until her gun clattered out. She wrapped her fingers around the metal, her grip unsure, and then disappeared beyond the hole in the wall, rushing for Joel. 

Joel was cool. He’d given Ellie his clothes, and he’d noticed she was hurt, and when she asked, he didn’t look at her, not if she didn’t want him to. He kept her safe. He didn’t leave her. No one had ever done that before. 

She wouldn’t let him die. He hadn’t let her. 

Ellie claimed a space behind the man, the gun raised in her grip. Then she fired. 

Pop. 

The blood blew out of the man’s chest and splashed against the tile underneath. Ellie skirted back then, dodging the slump of his body as it slumped down by her feet. The sounds of the struggle from just seconds earlier ended with the gunshot, and were soon replaced by a sudden wave of screaming. 

“Fuck!” Ellie’s eyes snapped down to the man. He looked more like a boy now, clinging to the hole that she’d left in his chest and crying like how she probably would. “Fuck! It hurts! Oh, God, it hurts so much. I can’t feel my legs!” 

A blood puddle began from underneath him, soiling the bottom of Ellie’s sneakers. She skittered back, a childish attempt to save her favorite sneakers from the blood of the man she’d shot as he sobbed in agony. Joel watched from the ground, the sight hollowing him. Jesus Christ. She was thirteen. A kid. And he’d just made her… 

God. 

Joel struggled to his feet. “Ellie,” He reached his hand out, waiting for the gun. Where had she even gotten it? Not now, he lectured himself immediately. She was staring down at the boy, and listening to him scream. Just another thing to add onto the list of everything she shouldn’t know. “Hey. Give me this.” With a reluctant pace, he slid his hand under hers, and then stole the gun away from her. 

Ellie almost reached for it back. She didn’t, only stared down again at the man wailing behind them, and then her own hands. It felt like they had blood on them, even though they didn’t. 

“My mom,” The boy began, sobbing. “She isn’t far. She’ll know what to do. I’ll tell everyone we’re friends. We can trade with you. No one else has to get hurt. Just let me go. Please.” 

Joel watched Ellie wince with each promise, each plea. His expression hardened then, and he smoothed his palm over her shoulder, turning her the other way. “Go back behind the wall,” He ordered gently.

Ellie’s eyes raced up. She understood what Joel was really asking. Beneath them, the boy did too. 

“No!” He sobbed again. “Please!” He screamed after Ellie as she turned. “Please! Please, don’t! My name’s Brian! I’m a person-” 

By the time that the screaming stopped, Ellie was hidden again. She sank down again, as small as she could possibly make herself in the darkness of the sealed-off room. Hot tears welled up in her eyes until they spilled down either of her cheeks. She smeared them away, sniffling. 

“ Ellie.” Joel’s voice was muffled through the wall. It sounded gentle. “ I need to get in there. It’s blocked.” 

Ellie sniffled again, and then brought her head up. There was a table blocking the door. “I’ve got it.” Hoping her voice hadn’t sounded as unsteady as it had felt, she stood in front of the blockage, and then tugged against it. Joel pushed from the other side. After a few seconds, his face appeared in the doorframe. His wrinkles were deep with guilt; she wouldn’t meet his eyes to see it. 

Joel frowned. “Listen-” 

“I saw a building,” Ellie interrupted, flitting her eyes up before dropping them again. “Across the street. It was covered up. I thought we could hide there.” 

Joel understood the sudden shift for what it really was, another one of Ellie’s pleas, but a silent one this time. As he had for all of her others, he minded it. “Good catch,” He praised, letting her hide away. She forced her eyes up, meek, and then let them fall again. He frowned. “C’mon, then. And stay close.” 

The sound of trucks got Ellie to start moving again. More men coming. She followed Joel across the street. 

It was a coffee shop, a small one. Ellie wrinkled her nose up at the stench that ran through the entire place, meanwhile watching Joel standing beside her. Newspapers covered all of the shop’s windows, hiding them from the sound of the trucks outside and painting the entire room in a dull brown. He peeked through what little rips there were, hoping for a better idea of what the hell he’d walked them into. 

“What’s happening?” Ellie nudged quietly at the sound of yelling outside. 

“They’re searchin’ the apartment buildings,” Joel answered, watching. “But they’ll be comin’ through these places next.” The words slipped out of him without thought. He’d only ever had Tess with him in these scenarios, or Tommy, not a literal child. A little girl. He immediately regretted them. 

Ellie stared back, trying not to display the sudden wash of fear. Joel met her eyes, frowning. “We’re going to be okay, Ellie,” He promised, sinking down so that he was at her level. His old man knees cracked in complaint, something she would’ve smirked at if she didn’t have gunpowder on her hands, and the phantom blood of a dead boy. “Are…” He made himself ask. “... are you okay?” 

Ellie ducked her face away. She didn’t answer, solely focused on hiding the pathetic, billowing layer of tears in her eyes. “I’m fine,” She answered, though the shake of her own voice betrayed her. 

Joel frowned again. “I should’ve heard him comin’,” He began, letting the softness and guilt of his gaze wait against Ellie’s face. She didn’t look back. “It ain’t like you killed him,” He reminded immediately after. “But… well, just with your age…” He was tumbling through each damn word. “It ain’t fair. You shouldn’t have to know what it means to hurt someone like that.You shouldn’t have to know about any of this.” His voice caught. “I’m sorry.” 

Those words drew Ellie’s eyes. ‘I’m sorry’s’ didn’t seem to fall easily out of Joel’s lips. She hadn’t known him long enough, and he was too soft with her, but she just got that impression. Also, no one else had ever told her that before. She sank a little. And then: 

“It wasn’t my first time.” 

Joel’s face reacted with sad surprise. It looked like he’d sucked on a lemon. Ellie almost found it funny, but then she didn’t, because now she was thinking about her first time. 

Riley’s face. Tears and bruises painted over her fair skin. 

Blood spilling underneath Ellie’s trembling hands. 

That fucking knife. 

Whimpers. 

Joel watched a story that he didn’t know, no doubt some unimaginable nightmare, play over the smallness of Ellie’s face. Partly for the sake of his own heart, he made himself interrupt it. “Y’know, you’re lucky.” 

The bizarreness of the sentence drew Ellie’s eyes up. 

“If you’d shot the rifle, you’d have a broken shoulder,” Joel continued gently. “Your form was all wrong.” 

By some miracle, a smile curled over Ellie’s lips. “I know how to shoot a gun, asshole,” She muttered back, ducking her chin down to sit atop the peaks of her knees, balled up against the rest of her. “F.E.D.R.A school, remember?” 

Joel snorted. “No wonder your form’s shit.” 

Childlike offense claimed Ellie’s face. “What the fuck?” 

A smile broke over Joel’s face. He fished the pistol out of his back pocket then, and held it between them. Ellie’s expression darkened a little at the sight of it, but for the most part the smirk on her face stayed, the sudden lesson a chance to prove herself. “Show me how you hold it,” He asked, slipping the gun into her hands with a cautious pace. 

Ellie fidgeted, and then gripped the gun. Across from her, Joel frowned at her form, and then tugged the gun. It came easily into his hands. “Good way to get yourself killed,” He remarked, earning himself a tossed over glare. “Hold it again.” 

Ellie listened, and took the gun again. She watched quietly as Joel brought his hands down to sit atop hers. They were warm, and big against hers. His weight was gentle, and conscious of itself. He lifted his eyes after, cautious. “Is this okay?” He made sure. 

Ellie’s heart melted a little bit at the fact that he asked. “Yeah.” 

“Okay,” Joel echoed, his voice softer than he wanted to hear. “Your right hand grips the left,” He began after, moving Ellie’s hands around the gun so that her form was correct. She watched, listening closely. “Thumb goes here. Just like that.” He nudged her fingers up with his own. She let him guide her. “Now, look.” 

Joel tugged the gun again, and this time it barely budged. 

A smile flickered across Ellie’s face. Her eyes darted up to check Joel’s face after, a giggle escaping her in the process. He watched, and smiled too, bigger than he’d ever let himself admit. Excitement. It belonged on the smallness of her face, unlike so much else. And he hadn’t heard her giggle before. Immediately, he felt his heart physically bind to the sound. God help him. 

Joel’s ears returned to the sudden quiet in the aftermath of Ellie’s giggle. He lifted his head now, focusing on the noticeable absence of trucks or voices outside. She noticed too, and then found his eyes. 

“Stay close,” He reminded as they stood. 

“Okay,” Ellie agreed. She trailed after him as they snuck out, barely a pace between them.

There was an office building across the street. Tall, lots of windows. Joel slanted his eyes up at it as they approached. They’d sleep there, he decided. He could get a good look of the city when dawn came, maybe find a way out. 

Ellie kept watch while Joel worked on getting them inside, her head on a constant swivel for more men. Meanwhile, she listened to the continuous jiggle-jiggle of the locked door handle. She swerved her eyes over after a few more seconds of nothing, and found a vent cover just above the door. 

“Hey,” Ellie pointed. 

Joel had seen the vent. Immediately, he’d dismissed it. “It’s too small.” 

“For you,” Ellie dismissed. “I could fit.”  

Joel glanced back, frowning. Ellie peered back with that same frown, eager to get out of the openness of the street. “The door’s not gonna get any less locked,” She reminded, waiting beneath the vent now. “C’mon. Boost me up.” 

Joel frowned again, but then kneeled down. Better risk something being in there than them being found out here. Still, he hated it. He lifted Ellie’s weight up with just one of his hands, a brief reminder of how small she was, and then watched her disappear into the vent. She took half of his breath with her. “Be careful,” He pleaded after her, though he’d never admit to it. 

Not even a second later, a scream lept from the inside of the vent. 

Immediately, Joel felt his heart leap up to his throat. “Ellie?” There was a brief quiet that followed. Each damn second took a year off of his life. “Ellie!” 

“Something crawled on me!” Her voice sprang from inside the vent, followed by another yelp. “I think it was a spider!” 

Joel felt the blood drain through his body, followed by a brief, overwhelming roll of his eyes. “Jesus Christ,” He let out a breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding. “Do you see anything?” An annoyed huff shot out from the vent in response, sending a smile over Joel’s lips as he waited. 

“There’s a door,” Ellie answered eventually. A thud sounded through the concrete as she dropped down on the other side of the vent, followed by the sudden jiggle of the door handle. Her face appeared in the doorway soon after, flushed from fighting off imaginary spiders. 

A smirk pulled over Joel’s lips. “You survive?” He checked. 

Ellie glared back at Joel. “There really was a spider,” She asserted, trailing after him as they disappeared into the shelter of the building. He just smiled, not completely convinced; the long paved-over smile marks beside his lips were starting to deepen again. He didn’t know how he felt about that. Too much. 

The office building was empty. 

Ellie stared up at the forty or so floors of stairs waiting above them. She trailed her eyes over and found Joel’s face after, like she was checking if he was joking or not. He offered a meek shrug, and then passed by her, beginning up the first step. “Try doin’ this with my knees,” He remarked, already aching. She fussed in complaint, but then followed after him. 

By floor ten, their pace had halved. 

“How much longer?” Ellie complained from the caboose. 

“The higher up we are,” Joel panted. “The less chance someone will come.” That made Ellie refocus. She perked up, quickening her pace again, though it only lasted for so long before she was huffing again. “Try ‘n think of something else,” He commented. “It’ll make it go faster.” 

Ellie groaned, and then racked her mind. “Joel,” She started, panting.

“Mm,” He huffed back, unable to spare the air for a word. 

“What…” Huff. “... did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?” 

An exasperated smile broke over Joel’s face. “What?” 

“Oh sheet,” Ellie panted, smiling reluctantly. 

A grin flickered over Joel’s face. He only barely saved the chuckle from slipping out of his lungs, exerting such effort for a reason he wasn’t even sure of anymore. “Punny,” He remarked, putting a smile on her face. “Tell me another,” He asked after, and she did. 

After ten more floors, and a few more shitty jokes, Joel let them stop. That made it sound like it was his choice. Really, as soon as he saw the thirtieth floor sign, he slid down against the wall, finally letting his knees rest. Ellie watched from above, a flickering smirk on her face, despite how she wasn’t much better off. 

“It wasn’t that bad.” Joel snorted at the pant in Ellie’s voice. He sat for a few more seconds, slugging off the weight of his own head to the wall behind him. She smirked again, waiting. “Okay, lazy. Get up.” 

Joel opened his eyes, and sent a playful glare up at the little face opposite his. “‘Lazy,’” He huffed, claiming her hand and then accepting the tug that she gave to help him up. “I’m fifty six years old, you little brat.” 

A smile lit over Ellie’s face. She followed after Joel once he was on his feet, waddling close behind like a little duckling. She didn’t let herself think about it. She wasn’t weak, not a kid anymore. She didn’t need anyone. He was just nice. He was safe. She wouldn’t let herself think about it. 

Ellie made them makeshift beds out of old sofa cushions she found in the office space they were sleeping in. Joel wandered in the background, making sure that they were alone and also setting up their defenses for the night. Her eyes raced over at the sound of glass shattering, finding him. 

“What are you doing?” 

Joel turned his eyes up, lifting them away from the dustpan of shattered glass sitting in his grip. “We’ll hear if someone’s comin’,” He explained, crossing the room and then shaking the glass down in front of each of the doorways. 

Ellie’s expression shifted, sinking almost. “That’s so smart,” She commented thoughtlessly, softer than she meant it to come out. 

Joel’s expression softened. He took the remark for what it really was. Ellie felt safe with him. He tried not to let it mean as much as it did, but it was a wasted effort. Immediately, something filled his heart, a new place paved for her next to the tomb he already carried. An instant wash of fear followed right after. 

Breathe, Joel reminded the sudden thickness in his lungs. He sighed out, barely skirting past a panic attack. The crunch of the glass under his feet announced his retreat to his sleeping bag. 

Ellie glanced over, smirking. “Are you still out of breath?” 

Joel nodded, quiet. 

Ellie smirked again, oblivious. She settled down into her cushion-bed, curling up underneath the added layer of Joel’s sweatshirt, which she still hadn’t given back. He watched from his own bed, his expression painfully soft. “Hey,” He asked, drawing her eyes.  “Earlier, when we were talkin’ about hurtin’ people,” He began gently. “... what did you mean it wasn’t your first time?” 

Joel watched Ellie shrink. It was always her first reaction, like if she just made herself as small as possible, she could disappear from it all. It made him wince everytime. “I don’t wanna talk about it.” She turned over, hiding away from his eyes. 

Joel’s features softened. “That’s okay,” He soothed. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Ellie peeked over her shoulder at that. He wondered if she realized the look on her own face. He did. It melted through him. Before long, she hid away again. “I’m just… it ain’t fair,” His voice was soft. “Your age, and havin’ to deal with all this.” He wasn’t just talking about hurting people. 

Which was worse? 

Being the one getting hurt? 

Or doing the hurting? 

Ellie literally didn’t know. “... I thought I’d like it,” She confessed suddenly, breaking Joel out of whatever sentence he was about to stumble through. He turned his gaze over, giving her his whole focus. “... shooting him.” She continued. “... I thought it’d make me feel safe after…” She stopped, rustling again. “... mm.” 

Joel thought through what he was going to say, for once. “How do you feel?” He pressed gently. He just wanted Ellie to talk. She hadn’t said a single word about what he’d walked in on just a few days ago. She glanced away every time he even mentioned it. He knew himself how little that helped. It was one thing for him. It was another thing entirely for a thirteen year old baby girl . 

“... like them,” Ellie answered simply. “... hurting someone,” She curled up tighter in her sleeping bag, if possible, wincing underneath the memories of the screams of her victim, as well as her own. “... he just wanted his mom.”  

Joel winced too. “He was hurting us first, Ellie,” He reminded gently. “It ain’t like you just walked in, and… and did that.” He turned his eyes over, grateful. “You saved my life.” 

Ellie couldn’t forget what it’d taken. She couldn’t forget being in that same spot, staring up at a stranger’s face, crying as they hurt her. She swallowed, and hid her face away in the darkness, trying to shroud the hot layer of tears welling up in her eyes. “... I’m like them,” She repeated. 

Joel felt his heart melt. He didn’t know what monsters ‘them’ were, hadn’t even known that there had been more than one hunter in that gas station until right now. Still, he knew enough. 

“You are nothing like them, Ellie.” He sat up, finding her eyes and holding them despite how she was barely peeking out of her pillow. “You’re so good. I… I see you when you think I ain’t lookin’,” He confessed softly. “Even just flowers in the grass, you treat everything like it has a heart. You think of how you’d feel before you do something. You’re a kind person. A good kid.” He sank back down an inch, shaking his head. “You aren’t anythin’ like them.” 

Ellie sat quietly in the wake of Joel’s words, trying not to let the tears spill out of her eyes. He saw her. When he looked, she was there, worth enough for him to make out. A good kid. No one had ever called her that before. No one had even thought it. She’d only ever been a problem. 

Was this what it felt like to not be one? 

Ellie’s lip puffed. She turned her face away before Joel could see, smearing the wetness off her cheeks. He pretended not to hear the sniffle that followed. 

“Hey,” He nudged softly, whispering. 

Ellie tilted her face over, pleading quietly for no more questions. 

“Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?” 

Her expression foiled, confused. “What?” 

“Yeah,” Joel sighed, hanging his head. “It runs in your jeans.” 

He waited after, marinating in the silence that followed, and then savored the smile that finally lit over Ellie’s face. Before she could stop it, a giggle followed, a mix of a laugh and a cry, and she grinned. 

“That sucked.” 

Joel pulled a face. “Oh, yeah? Why are you laughin’ then?” 

Ellie grinned in response, unable to help herself. “I’m not laughing.” She crossed her arms over her chest very matter-of-factly, and then stuck her nose up. 

Joel just chuckled. Jesus. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed. The sound alone lit another smile over Ellie’s face. His laugh was so him. Warm, and heavy, and safe-sounding. Like a guitar. 

Ellie giggled again, because then she could hear that sound again. 

“Go to bed,” Joel lectured after, putting on a low voice, because then he could hear- 

Ellie giggled again. That. “ You go to bed!” 

For no reason clear to either of them, that was the funniest thing in the world, and they both broke out laughing, disrupting the otherwise quiet night. Joel made sure to memorize the sight of Ellie’s cheeks, flushed and pinched with laughter, oblivious to the fact that she was doing the very same. 

He watched her smile to sleep that night. He fell asleep grinning, too. 

It was a nice change. 

Neither of them heard the broken glass.

Chapter Text

Ellie woke up to someone touching her. Immediately, her eyes darted open, and she waited, hoping for some shitty joke or a grumble, anything to indicate that it was just Joel, but nothing came. He wouldn’t touch her like this in the first place. He always asked. Always. And he was gentle. Meanwhile, a large pair of hands were rubbing roughly down her spine, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. 

Ellie fought the physically restricting swell of terror suddenly flooding her system, and managed just the small movement of just turning her face. The terror inside her immediately swelled, and she froze, because there were a dark pair of eyes staring back at her. A man’s face. She stared up at him, physically frozen and a victim to the pure dread rushing through her. 

She’d been here before. 

A thick breath struggled through Ellie’s lungs, and she stared, barely not panicking. 

“... sit up,” The man whispered, not taking notice. “... slowly.” 

Ellie’s face wilted, and she shook her head. “... just kill me,” She pleaded, defeated. She wouldn’t feel it all again. She felt bad that Joel would wake up to her lifeless body, though. He was nice. 

The man’s face changed. He didn’t understand. “... what?” He shook his head. “... I don’t want to hurt you.” Despite this promise, there was a pistol in his hands. Ellie eyed it, the entire time wondering if this was how Bryan had felt: scared of her. “... just do what I say and everything will be fine.” It was a familiar lie. She pouted underneath it, hollow. “... sit up now.” 

Ellie moved slowly, her limbs heavy and weighed down with fear as she sat up in her sleeping bag. She caught a brief glimpse of Joel beside her, his eyes shut, his good ear pressed to his sleeping bag. There was a boy kneeling by his feet, a revolver stretched out in his grip and aimed between Joel’s eyes. 

Ellie frowned. “... hey,” The man hissed, drawing her eyes back. “... crawl over here,” He ordered, bowing the gun in his hands down and gesturing to the empty space in front of him. 

Ellie just stared in response, blinking underneath the sudden well-up of tears in her eyes. The man’s expression softened almost when he realized. “... hey,” he tried. “... hey, I’m not going to hurt you, okay?” The man seemed to wince underneath the unrelenting fear in her gaze. “... just crawl over here,” He repeated. “... please,” He added after. 

Ellie furrowed her brow. After another few seconds, it wasn’t the plea that made her move. It was the gun aimed between Joel’s eyes. She crawled forward and then sat in front of the man, squirming already. Something heavy sank against her temple suddenly and she winced. His gun. 

“... wake him up now,” The man whispered, pressing the gun a little firmer against Ellie’s head. She wrinkled her nose, afraid. He had to stop himself from pulling away. 

“Joel,” Ellie called, waiting her eyes against his face with an unprecedented dependence. He didn’t stir, sleeping still. She frowned. “ Joel. ” 

Joel’s eyes opened. He stared up at the water-damaged tiles above him for a few seconds, groggy, and then turned his head, searching for Ellie. Her sleeping bag was empty. “Over here, man.” 

Joel turned his eyes over, still half-asleep, though as soon as he found Ellie, he was completely awake. Her hands were lifted up childishly like she was being arrested, and there was a gun pointed against her head. A man stood behind her, a stranger. He raced for his gun. 

“ Don’t,” The man dug the pistol a little deeper into Ellie’s temple. She winced under the pressure, fussing. The mere sound made Joel freeze. “Don’t,” The man repeated, a little gentler. “I just want to talk.” Her eyes peeked up at that, curious almost. Wasn’t he going to hurt her? She didn’t understand. 

Joel’s expression hardened. “Let her go, then,” He growled out, the fierceness of his tone matching the dark, slightly panicked look in his eyes. 

The man tightened the gun again. “I didn’t hurt her,” He announced, trying not to sound as scared as he looked. Joel stared back, glaring. “That means you won’t hurt us, okay?” 

Us. Joel glanced over, realizing for the first time the small boy crouched down a few feet away from his sleeping bag. His expression twitched. Hunters didn’t keep kids around, and they certainly didn’t put a gun in their hands. This man was something different. 

“Hey.” Joel’s eyes snapped over. “You won’t hurt us,” He repeated. “ Right? ” 

Joel’s eyes narrowed. “Sure.” 

The man stepped back, tugging Ellie back along with him in the process. Joel felt his heart jump. “That’s a weird fucking tone, man-” 

“That’s just how he sounds,” Ellie interjected, still holding her hands up by either side of her head, like a fucking kid. Jesus. “ Joel. Tell him we’re good.” 

Joel’s eyes softened against Ellie’s, and then became dark again when they returned to the man. “We’re good.” A breath pushed out of Ellie’s lungs. She curled her fingers up into anxious fists, waiting for the gun against her head to push closer again, but instead it slipped away. Joel’s snarled declaration had surprisingly been convincing enough for the man. 

“Go,” He nudged, sending Ellie forward. 

Ellie scrambled forward at the opportunity, crawling away from the man’s hands, and then let Joel’s fingers wrap with hers and tug her all the way behind him. “... I’m not hurt,” She whispered before he could ask. Still, he ran his eyes over her, making sure that she really was okay. He glanced up after, refocusing on the strangers just feet away from them. 

Joel forgot to take his hand away from Ellie. She didn’t tug away to remind him, instead settling in. 

“You wanted to talk,” Joel started, growling still. “ Talk. ” 

The man seemed to shrink a little under the roughness of Joel’s voice. It was almost pathetic, how clear it was that he was new to this. “My name’s Henry,” He volunteered, further solidifying his inexperience. “This is Sam.” 

Jesus. 

It’d take a few missing fingers for Joel to give out Ellie’s name to a stranger. It was pathetically obvious what a stranger Henry was to confrontation. Joel considered it a quiet miracle that they’d even made it this far. 

Even Ellie knew better. She stared back after Henry gave his name, knowing better than to just give up her own. Hell, it’d taken almost two days for her to let Joel know it. Rather than impressed, he just felt sad. She’d been through too much. 

“We’re wanted here, just like you,” Henry continued. “We saw them attack you earlier. I bet you came up here for a view, huh? Find a way out? So did we.” 

“I don’t care,” Joel replied, growling still. He hadn’t let Ellie surface from the cover of his own body yet, treating himself like nothing more than a human shield ever since he’d woken up to a gun against her head. 

“You will,” Henry promised. 

Joel’s expression slackened. “Oh, yeah? Why’s that?” 

“Because I know a way out of here.” 

The annoyance on Joel’s face flickered, and he was quiet after, waiting for more. He only then realized Ellie’s fingers, still intertwined with his own. Something in his heart moved. Damn it. 

“There’s an old tunnel system that runs all under the city,” Henry continued. He was hiding Sam behind him now too, just like Joel was with Ellie, both of them wary of the unfamiliar expression on the other man’s face and both of them protecting something much more precious than themselves. 

Joel’s brow furrowed. “K.C has a subway system?” 

“Not a subway,” Henry denied. “Maintenance tunnels. They lead all the way out to the suburbs.” A smile flickered over his face, a secret peek at the kid he was inside, hidden underneath this poor disguise of bravery. “It’ll be a straight shot out of here, man. No hunters.” 

Ellie and Joel were wearing an identical expression of mistrust. “If it’s so fucking perfect down there, why are you here?” 

Joel caught on fast. “You haven’t been down there,” He guessed, immediately scoffing at the corresponding look of confirmation that ran across Henry’s face. “Jesus. There could be a horde down there for all you know.”

Henry’s expression slackened. “Yeah, I don’t know what’s down there,” He admitted fast. “But I know what’s up above.” He flattened his palm against the smallness of Sam’s back and drew him closer. His eyes ran past Ellie in the meantime. She returned the gaze with a glare, still wary of him. His face softened. “From the looks of it, you two do too.” 

Ellie scowled now, a shitty disguise to equal the one that Henry was putting on. “Fuck you.” 

Joel bowed his eyes down and caught the fire in Ellie’s eyes. It was performative, an attempt to draw attention away from the rawness underneath. His expression softened, as did Henry’s. It just made her madder, how easy they both seemed to see through it. She turned her face away, scowling. 

“I didn’t mean to scare you earlier,” Henry apologized. Ellie avoided the attempt, suddenly very focused on the fabric of her sleeping bag. Joel watched softly beside her, still holding her hand inside his own. “I’ve never even held a gun before that,” He added, drawing a brief, still-annoyed glance from her. “I’ve never done any of this before.” His expression softened. “I just need to get us out of here.”  

Ellie found Sam’s face. He smiled up at her, unassuming. She swallowed, and melted a little bit underneath the innocence of his gaze. He had no clue. He just saw another kid, someone to play soccer with or giggle beside, not some sad thing to frown down at like Joel or Henry. For the first time since she could remember, she didn’t feel her own body. Just what was inside. 

Ellie sank a little, like Sam’s eyes were warm water. She liked him. 

“I didn’t know any other way how,” Henry continued, frowning. He let his eyes sit gently against Ellie’s face. Now that he wasn’t shrouded by darkness and holding a gun, she was starting to realize how safe he looked, like a big kid who hadn’t really grown up. “I was never going to hurt you.” His expression twitched. “But you didn’t know that. And I’m sorry.” 

Ellie stared back at him, quiet. Her posture wasn’t so tense now, though, a declaration of acceptance that would have to do, because she wasn’t talking. 

A well-meaning smile drew over Henry’s face. “Listen,” He asked, finding Joel’s face again. “I can lead us through. All you have to do is kill like how I saw you out there.” His expression softened, the desperation hidden underneath this  attempt at bravery revealed. “Please,” He added after. 

Joel turned his eyes down and found the smallness of Ellie’s face, thinking. There was trust in her gaze. Whatever he decided, she’d go along with. He knew that now. Before long, he looked away for his own sanity. “Fine,” He finally agreed. 

A grin broke out over Henry’s face. “Really?” He nudged Sam’s shoulder then, and started moving his hands in quick, fluid movements. “They’re saying,” He translated, each word seeming to tie to a new movement. “They’ll help us.” 

Ellie turned her eyes up and found Joel’s face, a little ‘are you seeing this too?’ Something moved in his chest again, a quiet feeling of adoration, the same one that came every time he saw that little glint in her eyes. Damn it. 

Climbing down the thirty-some flights of stairs was a lot easier than the trip up had been. Ellie smiled the entire way, just content with the fact that they weren’t going up again. Joel watched, his expression soft. 

The tunnels were cold and dark. 

A beam of light flew down from Joel’s flashlight, though the vast nothingness wasn’t exactly comforting. Ellie stared down alongside Sam and Henry, wondering what, if anything, was hiding in the shadows. Meanwhile, Joel was too busy conducting threat assessment. He let his hand wait on his holster as he led them, cautious. 

Ellie’s eyes were glued to all the shadows. “Joel?” He panned his eyes down, whatever question she had worth enough to him to look away. “You don’t really think there’s a horde down here. Right?” 

Joel’s expression softened. “No, Ellie,” He promised, even though he couldn’t guarantee that. He did anyway, for her. “It was just somethin’ I said.” 

Henry poked his head in. “If anything was down here, it would’ve jumped out at us already.” 

Joel’s expression furrowed in disagreement. “We don’t know that,” He denied, focusing again. “So keep your voice down.” 

Henry just smiled. His eyes found Ellie after he was done rolling them. “Y’know, your dad’s kind of a pessimist-” 

“I ain’t her dad.” 

“He’s not my dad.” 

The tunnel went quiet in the aftermath of the rushed speed of both Ellie’s and Joel’s voices. He winced at the ferocity of his own tone and the thickness of the silence that followed. He turned his eyes down after, wincing again at the sight of Ellie’s face, or lack thereof. She was looking all the way away from him, a quiet refusal to meet his gaze. His heart shifted. 

He wasn’t her dad. 

She wasn’t his kid. 

Of course. 

So why had he forgotten that? 

Why had she? 

Ellie chewed the inside of her lip, pouting. Beside her, Joel avoided eye contact, as did she. 

Sam broke the quiet, somehow. Ellie glanced back at the feeling of someone touching her, jumping almost, a new reflex, but then sank again when she realized the smallness of the hand. He started singing after, speaking. She looked to Henry. 

“He wants to say hi to you,” Henry translated, smiling. 

Ellie’s eyes sank back down to Sam’s face, reluctant. She almost looked over at Joel, a quiet search for some type of permission, but then she remembered that he wasn’t her dad and she wasn’t his kid, and she caught herself. “How… how do I…?” 

Henry smiled. “Like this.” He pressed his hand to his temple, like a salute almost, and then lifted it out, palm-facing the air. “You try now.” 

Ellie repeated the movement. Sam’s face lit up in response, putting a smile on her own face. “Cool,” She grinned. 

“Can I tell him a joke?” 

Joel’s eyes tilted over, soft. He was wary, though, careful to dip them away if Ellie looked his way, still recovering from the outside insinuation that she was his to look after. 

“He’d love that,” Henry granted. “How about you tell it to me first? Then I can relay the message.”

“Okay,” Ellie managed another smile. “Wait, let me think.” She pressed her lips to one side of her face, drawing another soft glance from Joel, not that he’d admit to it, not right now, not so soon. “Ooh, okay. Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?” 

Joel’s lips tugged.

“Because he was outstanding in his field!” Sarah’s voice finished for Ellie. 

Sam giggled after. Ellie followed right after. 

Joel listened, suddenly gripping the handle of his revolver tighter while he led them through the darkness. He had so much to protect. 

The tunnels opened up after a few more minutes. Joel turned his eyes and followed the trail of brightly-drawn, crayon scribbles. Sam lit up at the sight of them and ran forward, imagining a playroom on the other side. Joel just barely caught him. “Wait,” he lectured, tugging him back like he would Ellie. 

“Sam,” Henry lectured, taking Joel’s place on his arm. 

Joel waited until Sam was hidden, and made sure his own body was still blocking Ellie’s, and then pressed forward through the doors, leading with his revolver. Almost immediately, his gun dropped. 

It really was a playground. 

The drawings filled the entire room, lit up underneath the natural light streaming in from the manhole covers overhead. Pastel, childlike scenes decorated the walls. Castles fitted with stick-figured princesses and knights, sprawling mountains with brightly-colored dragons to fly inside them. There was a soccer net on the far side of the room. Kids had lived here. 

Sam’s eyes lit up at all of it, and then bounded forward, catching Ellie’s arm and tugging her along with him as he ran for the soccer field. Immediately, she ripped her hand back, a hard-earned reflex. He turned his eyes back, confused, and waiting. 

Joel watched Ellie turn her face up to him, like some quiet ask for permission that she didn’t even realize. 

“Can I go play?” Sarah’s little voice played in his ear, followed by the faraway image of her waiting to go join her pony-tailed friends by the swings.

His heart softened, as it had then. “Go on,” He nudged. 

Ellie pulled away, and then turned, following after Sam. Joel’s eyes trailed after either of them, softer than he’d admit right now. Soft, hushed giggles claimed the room as they started a sudden, very competitive game of soccer. 

Ellie was taking it easy on Sam. Joel noticed as he watched, his heart squeezing again. 

They giggled. 

“God,” Henry listened. Joel turned his eyes, only now remembering that it wasn’t just him and Ellie in this room. “Been too long since I’ve heard that sound.” He glanced over. “What about her?” 

Joel watched the kids again. “Haven’t heard it enough,” He agreed quietly. 

Henry’s eyes lingered. “She isn’t yours,” He questioned cautiously.

“I found her,” Joel answered before Henry could ask. There was some sort of confidentiality here, two protectors completely on their own finding nothing more than an ear to speak into and have someone understand. “I reckon you really scared her,” He thought aloud. “When you woke her up like that.” 

Henry’s features crinkled. “I know,” He answered, guilty. “I’m sorry, man. It’s just… look, if you were me, would you wake up her or you ?” 

Joel glanced away, the answer obvious. 

Henry set his eyes on Sam. “It kept him safe. I’m not sorry for that.” He found Joel. “And you would’ve done the same. You may not have been her father,” He watched Joel’s face soften again at the distant sound of giggles. “But you were someone’s.” 

The softness on Joel’s face caught, replaced with a suddenly distant exterior. He let his eyes fall down, hanging them against the broken watch on his wrist. 

Sarah. 

Joel watched Ellie play soccer now, and thought of nothing else but the hole in his chest, the aftermath of his last failure. Breathe, he reminded, pushing down the sudden thickness of his breath. Breathe. 

Joel hugged his palm to his watch, the voodoo doll for his heart, and watched Ellie giggle. 

He was almost glad to return to the blackness of the tunnel. 

Ellie and Sam walked together now, a comic book shared between the collective grip of their hands. Joel and Henry took turns glancing back at either of them, the only difference between them being the fact that Henry didn’t pretend not to enjoy each snapshot. 

Focus. 

Joel fixed his eyes forward, reminding himself of the potential danger around them. He rebalanced his grip on his gun, an extra nudge. The feeling of a warm breeze sailing against his chin helped sober him up, and drew his gaze. 

They were approaching the end. 

A smile lit over Henry’s face. “See?” He hooted. “I told you it’d be easy, man. The whole way through and we didn’t even see one thing-” 

“Quiet,” Joel dismissed, eyes racing over the suburb they were entering. Houses lined either side of the seat, all of them vantage points. He watched, wary. “And turn your light off.” He lowered his fingers to his own flashlight and switched it off. Ellie watched, and then did the same. He gave a brief nod of approval, which she sank under. “We ain’t home free yet.”

Henry just smiled, doubtful. He remembered just in time to spare Ellie another comment about how paranoid her dad was. “Just admit it, man,” He goded. “My plan worked. We’re out-” 

Crack. 

A sound as loud as a bomb cracked right above them. 

Immediately, Ellie shrank down, covering her head with her arms. Before she could even pick her face up, a hand found hers and then pulled, bringing her to safety. “Get down!” Joel’s voice bellowed beside her. He cursed, grimacing but not risking his own safety as he watched Henry grab Sam and try to make a run for it. “Get down!” 

Another crack erupted above them, only barely missing Sam’s ankle. Finally, Henry dove for cover, dragging his kid brother beside him and landing behind the same truck as Joel and Ellie. 

Joel huffed, satisfied. “Stay down,” He outlawed. 

Henry just nodded, panting, his lesson learned. 

Ellie shrank down at the sound of another gunshot. It was louder and larger than any gun she’d ever heard before. It sounded like a monster. “Where the fuck is it coming from?” 

Joel turned his eyes over and peeked through the windows of the truck for an answer to Ellie’s question. She watched, holding her breath with each inch that he risked above their solid metal cover. “Joel,” She tugged, wincing again at the crack of another gunshot. He offered a gentle shush, and then kept watching, his eyes scanning over each of the houses down the street. 

Another gunshot. 

“There.” Joel found a glint at the end of the street. The very last house, dead-center of the street, its position offering barely any cover. Damn it. He looked to the far sides of the street then, investigating the football field of overgrown backyards and packed driveways at his disposal. “I can make it,” He decided. 

Ellie’s whole face reacted. “No, you fucking can’t,” She corrected harshly. “He’s gonna kill you if you go out there.” 

Joel’s features softened. “Ellie,” He began. 

“And if he doesn’t kill you, then he’s gonna kill us.” She waited her eyes against his face, persistent. There was fear there. 

Joel frowned. “Do you trust me?” 

Ellie sank back a little, and then perked back up, sure. “Yeah.” 

Joel felt something in his chest shift. He sank down a little too, and then nodded. “I’ll be right back,” He answered softly. “I promise.” He found Henry’s eyes as he snuck away from the cover of the truck. “... make sure she stays here,” He begged as he left. 

Ellie’s chin turned loyally after Joel as he disappeared into the darkness of the nice. A pout claimed her face, and she sank down, waiting. Her heart felt weird. Missing. Taken away with him. 

She really cared. 

It wasn’t just because he was nice anymore. 

He was Joel. 

She was immediately afraid to lose him. 

Crack. 

Ellie’s eyes lurched up again, worried again. “It’s okay,” Henry tried beside her. “He knows what he’s doing,” She just hunkered down, waiting. 

After what felt like forever, there was a pop. Joel’s gun. It went quiet after, no more cracks. A flashlight appeared in the window of the sniper’s nest, blinking on and off. 

“It’s safe,” Henry assumed, rising up from the cover of the truck, Sam perking up beside him. Ellie peeked her head after, a little more cautious. She kept watching the flashlight in the window, narrowing her eyes. Joel was flashing his light. It was fast, urgent, almost. Like a warning. 

“Something’s wrong.” Ellie didn’t know what that something was, or what the warning was for, not until she heard the trucks, and felt the warmth. She turned her head, and then paled, meeting the mechanical gaze of the headlights down the street. “ Henry? ” 

There was a semi-truck. Run, its razor sharp plow read in messy spray paint, demanding a chill. Gathered behind the truck, there was a crowd of hunters, at least a hundred strong, all of them armed. It was like a fucking army. 

Henry stared, his heart freezing in his chest, as did Ellie’s. “Run,” He panted, quiet at first. And then the engines roared, and the trucks started forward, and he yelled. “Run!” 

Ellie snapped her focus after Henry as he disappeared down the street, dragging Sam behind him. “ Fuck.” She took off after him, though the gap between them was quick to widen. She was thirteen, considerably smaller than him, and running with a much smaller pace. The growling of the truck’s engines grew closer. The warmth of the headlights became a burn. 

Run, painted in spray paint, crept up behind Ellie. 

Crack. 

She ducked her head down at the sound of that same rifle, but didn’t stop running. Joel. She could make out his silhouette in the window, but not the panic on his face as he tried with everything inside of him to take out the truck just feet behind her now. 

Crack. 

Crack. 

The pace was desperate, like him. 

Crack. 

Finally, one of Joel’s shots landed. A bullet lurched through the front windshield of the truck closest to Ellie just as it was above to run her right over. The driver’s hands slackened against the wheel, sending the entire truck careening off the side of the road and into a porch. The wood crumpled like paper, allowing the truck to be almost completely swallowed into the body of the house. 

Ellie kept running. 

And then the house exploded. 

The fuel from the truck lit, producing a fwoosh and a looming cloud of fire. The glass from both the house and the truck blew out alongside scrap metal and pieces of both the truck and the porch. The pressure of the explosion shoved Ellie down hard onto the rough cement road under her feet, though at the same time it saved her from the oncoming storm of debris. Joel watched a windshield wiper spear through the air past her, just inches from her head; his heart recovered from the sudden lurch. 

“Ellie!” 

She picked her head up, weary. 

“Ellie,” Henry slid down by her side, racing as he hooked her arm with his own. “Get up, come on.” He tugged, making her struggle to her knees. “Come on, Ellie.” 

She picked her head up again, confused. The ground had just rumbled under her. She was sure. “Henry,” She made his name a question, seeking an explanation for the sudden earthquake under her palms. “What is that?” 

“What?” Henry couldn’t feel it. “It doesn’t matter. Let’s go-” 

Something growled. It was loud. The rumble made its way over the entire suburb, like a monster. 

Ellie turned her eyes back to the house, watching. 

And then everything erupted. 

A wave of infected lurched out of the crater, and then another, and then another. There were dozens. Hundreds. Barely infected bodies sprinted wildly for the hunters, screeching and hungry, followed by fungus-swarmed, further-gone infected. There was one big one. 

Ellie watched it, frozen with dread, despite how Henry was tugging against her and yelling at her to, “Run!” The monster looked seven feet tall, and maybe just as wide. Each of its footsteps sent a deep rumble into the very same concrete that she was still kneeled over. It growled, a deep guttural sound, and then turned its fungus-plated imitation of a face towards them. 

She shuddered. 

“ Ellie!” Henry hooked his arms under hers, and then tugged her up to her feet. “Fucking run!” 

The bloater started moving. 

And Ellie ran. She ran for her fucking life, a literal monster, one that would hide under the bed or in a bedroom closet, chasing right behind her. She lost Henry practically in seconds, her pace again falling behind. She couldn’t even see which direction she was running in anymore, the house long lost in the sudden mess of hunters and infected. Trucks speeded past her on either side, only inches away, and running over heaps of bodies, infected and not. 

Something jumped at Ellie, and she tumbled underneath it, yelping on the way down to the concrete. It was an infected, but not like any she’d seen before. Fungus wrapped around its head, snuffing out anything remotely human. She peered up at it with wide eyes, yelping again when it snapped its jaw open in preparation to fully tear out her throat. 

Crack. 

The infected slumped down atop Ellie, dead weight. She struggled underneath it, growing tired of the familiarity of this feeling. Eventually, she managed to sneak her way out, and then bounded up, dodging the near tackle of another infected as she began running again. 

Crack. 

Crack. 

Joel shot anything that got within an arm’s length of Ellie, some infected, some not. You can’t miss, he chanted each time he aimed. You’re taking too long, he’d panic each time he had to load another shot in. He was going to fail. 

Ellie stopped short suddenly, demanding Joel’s focus. He followed her line of sight and found two pairs of legs sticking out from underneath a nearby car; a corresponding set of faded, boys’ sneakers kicked desperately at a building gathering of infected. Sam, He realized. Henry. He couldn’t help the way his expression slackened. 

Of course Ellie was rushing right towards them, gang of clickers forgotten. Goddamn it. Did she even realize how much her life meant? Did she realize it meant anything at all? 

Crack. 

Joel tore a hole through the clicker pawing at Henry. With his breath held high in his throat, he watched Ellie pounce on the other one, knife in hand, and then in that monster’s throat. She tumbled down with it, crashing to the ground. 

“Ellie!” A pair of arms swept her up, a smaller hand captured in the other end of its grip. Henry. Her eyes ran down to his side. Sam. “Stick to me! And run!” 

Barely before they got a step, Ellie felt herself catch on something. A hand, tethered around her wrist. Henry’s grip on her other arm yanked in response, and he dropped his eyes down, as did she. 

There was a hunter on the ground, maybe only twenty. A clicker was straddled on top of him, too busy with the feast of the man’s ripped open chest to notice Henry or Ellie. The hunter noticed, though. His young eyes hid in the shelter of her face, screaming the entire time. “Help! Help me!” 

Henry managed to tear his eyes away, unlike Ellie. “Ellie,” He risked his hand and then yanked her wrist away from the hunter’s dying grip. “ Follow me.” The bravery in his voice didn’t seem like as much of an act as it had been a few hours ago. He pulled her back into his grip, next to his brother’s place, and then led them to safety, out of the chaos of the hoard. 

Henry almost didn’t feel like a coward, for once. 

They found a motel away from the city. 

The quiet felt deafening after the thunderstorm of gunfire and screaming. 

Ellie sat curled up on a windowsill in their motel room for the night. She stared out the dust-painted window beside her, studying the moon hanging in the sky outside. The sound of rustling traveled over from the bedroom, a bedtime story told through sign language. She didn’t really hear it. Her eyes were stuck on the bruises on her wrist, left there by that hunter who’d been eaten alive. 

“ Help! Help me!” 

Ellie rubbed against them, hard, but she didn’t even feel it, or notice the fresh new bruise underneath, not until another hand replaced her own. “Hey.” 

Joel. He was touching her arm. 

Fuck. 

She pulled away fast. 

Joel frowned, an immediate apology written in his face. He was so preoccupied with it that he missed the way Ellie yanked her sleeve up, or the glance that she spared to his holster.

“Sorry,” Ellie muttered, turning her face away and running back to the moon outside before Joel could say anything. She missed how his expression furrowed. That word didn’t belong in her mouth right now, or at all. He wished he could ban it. 

“Don’t apologize,” Joel shook his head in a gentle lecture. “I’m sorry.” He offered one more brief glance towards the now covered bruise on Ellie’s wrist, and then turned his eyes back to the spare bed behind them. “Why don’t you go try and get some rest?” He nudged. “Been a long day for you. And we’ve got a helluva lot of walkin’ to start tomorrow.” 

Ellie nodded, glancing towards the bed. “Joel?” 

“Mm,” He hummed, letting himself take a seat on the windowsill. He gave Ellie a few feet of distance after her sudden jumpiness just a minute ago. 

“Can… can Sam and Henry come with us?”

Joel’s expression softened, not even because of the question, just how Ellie asked it. He felt like the same dad he’d been twenty years ago, smiling fondly down at Sarah as she asked if one of her friends could come over and play or sleep over. It was such a kiddy tone. Ellie deserved it. 

“Well, I’m not sure where they’re plannin’ on after this,” Joel began. His heart softened at the slow wash of disappointment over Ellie’s face, and immediately he corrected it. “But I can ask.” 

Ellie sat back, a smile on her face. “Okay.” 

Joel smiled too. “Go to bed now,” He ordered, messing his palm over Ellie’s hair and smiling at the playful jab she sent his way in response. 

“ You go to bed,” She echoed gently, the same sentence that they’d both laughed their guts out to barely a night ago. 

Joel offered a gentle chuckle this time, and then messed Ellie’s hair one last time while on the path to his sleeping bag. Henry and he had given up the beds so that the kids could have them. It was going to be a long night for their backs.

Ellie wore a smile as she tucked herself into her bed. Sam’s wasn’t even an inch away, because they’d pushed them together. She couldn’t remember the last time she had a bed. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had a friend. 

Ellie’s eyes darted over at the flapping pages of a comic book. “... shh,” She lectured, taking Sam’s little hands into her own and then freezing the noisy paper in his grip. She picked her head up after, listening for something. A specific sound. 

A smile spread over her face when she heard it. 

Joel snored. 

“Okay,” Ellie decided, freeing Sam’s hands and watching as he continued his search for the spot that they’d left off at in their comic book. “What are we up to?” She enunciated each word so that he could read her lips. 

Sam presented the comic book up to Ellie’s eyes, showing off an ink-colored drawing of a spaceship landing on a diverse, orange planet. “Cool,” She grinned, leaning down so that she could begin to read the text boxes. 

Sam nudged Ellie suddenly, drawing her eyes back up. “What?” He just stared for a few seconds, hiding in her eyes, and then moved, grabbing for something beside him. 

Sam emerged with a notepad and pen in his grip. Ellie watched him as he scribbled, curious. Eventually, he turned the paper around. 

Are you ever scared? 

Ellie lowered the comic book in her grip, and then accepted the notepad that Sam nudged into her hands. She glanced over him, wary, and then lowered her eyes to the paper waiting under her now. 

All the time. 

Sam’s head picked up. He seemed surprised.

Ellie shrugged back. 

Don’t I look scared? 

Sam shook his head fast. Never, he stole the notepad back. He let his eyes loose against Ellie’s face and then wrote down his next question. What are you scared of? 

Ellie smiled, a defense mechanism. Scorpions, she lied, trying to make Sam giggle, but he just frowned, waiting for a real answer. People hurting me. 

Ellie tucked her blankets up a little further around herself, an unconscious attempt to feel safer; she always felt so turned inside-out now when she thought about those men, as if the entire world could see her insides. She could feel their eyes. Sam watching now didn’t help. 

Being all by myself, she added too. 

Sam’s little face softened. I’m scared of the monsters, he wrote back, turning the notepad around so that she could see. 

Ellie's expression softened. She shook her head after, determined. I won’t let them hurt you. 

It wasn’t the first time she’d promised a friend that. 

Sam frowned. Do you think someone’s still inside? He wrote suddenly. Even if they’re turned? 

The question was so sudden and obvious in its intention that it made Ellie stop. Immediately, she glanced over Sam, immediately looking for a bite. Her heart dropped at the stain of blood that revealed itself, hidden under his pant leg. Before he could dodge away, she tugged it up, revealing the fresh bite underneath. 

Ellie’s eyes widened. “Oh, fuck.” 

Sam tugged his jeans down, hiding the bite from Ellie’s eyes, like if he tried hard enough he could make it disappear for both of them. She stared back at him, her heart sagging down from its place in her throat when she saw the fear in his eyes. “Fuck.” She repeated softer now. 

Meanwhile, Sam was busy scribbling. 

Henry says the people are gone inside. 

I don’t wanna be gone. 

Ellie’s heart fell again. “You’re not gonna…” She swallowed her words, and then took the notepad, writing. 

You’re not gonna be gone. 

Ellie darted her eyes over her shoulder, verifying the closed door, and then tugged her sleeve up. Sam’s eyes widened. There was a bite on her forearm. No, bites. Plural. They looked old though, healed almost. He lifted his face, confused. 

“My blood,” Ellie frowned, speaking softly. “... is medicine.” She picked her head up after, fighting the sigh that she wanted to let out. She hadn’t thought about her bite since the gas station, hadn’t even looked at it. It felt so heavy on her arm. “... look.” 

Ellie took her switchblade from her pocket and then thrust the blade open, cutting it through her palm with no warning. Sam tugged her arm, scared. She just shrugged him off, lowering her grip to his leg and spreading her blood over his bite. “... there,” She sat back, cradling her bleeding palm.

Sam peered down at his own leg, wide-eyed. Will it really work? He wrote. 

Ellie nodded her head, sure. You’re going to be okay. 

An electric smile claimed Sam’s face after, and he lept forward, practically tackling Ellie with a hug. She offered the same expression, and then hugged him back, the sadness that always came along with the thought of her bites washed away and replaced with the happiness of this moment. 

“I won’t let anything hurt you,” Ellie whispered. Sam didn’t hear the comfort of her words, only the pillow of her breath. He settled in, smiling. 

Will you stay up with me? He scribbled after they separated. 

A smile curled over Ellie’s lips. “All night,” She promised. Sam smiled again, and then snuggled into her side, comfortable in the mass of their pushed-together beds. “It’s gonna be so fun with all of us together,” She began, luring him to sleep with the warmth of her voice. “You’ll like Joel. He makes coffee in the morning, and it stinks. But he’s really nice. And he keeps us safe.” 

Ellie let her eyes fall, preparing to keep going, but Sam was already asleep in her arms. A smile twitched over her face, and she sat back, and let her eyes close too. 

It was a quiet night. 

It was a quiet morning too, at first. 

Ellie stretched underneath the blankets, slowly starting to come too. The pain was what woke her up, a dull ache setting into the cut along her palm. She curled her fist up, wincing, and then groggily opened her eyes. “Sam?” 

Ellie rose up from underneath the warmth of the bed and turned her eyes over the room, searching. “Sam,” She found him. His back was turned to her, his head shaking back and forth every few seconds like he was twitching. His breath sounded weird. Still, she had no doubt that it’d worked. 

She would’ve made a vaccine. 

Marlene told her that. 

So she had no doubt. 

“Sam?” Ellie stood, and then started around to his side of their mega-bed, her hand stretched forward and reaching for his shoulder. “Hey-” 

As soon as Ellie touched Sam, he shrieked. She jumped back at the sound, barely claiming enough time to realize the froth in his mouth or the wildness of his eyes before he jumped her. 

Something loud startled Joel away. He opened his eyes, searching, and then realized the bedroom door, where the kids were. It was wide open, splintered into pieces by some unexplainable force. 

And then Ellie screamed. His name. She screamed his name. “Joel!” 

Joel’s eyes scrambled. He found Ellie in seconds, and then felt his heart lurch in his chest at the sight in front of him. She was on the floor on her back, and kicking and screaming. Sam was perched on top of her, beating down as hard as his little arms could and quickly breaking through the defense of her arms. He was snarling, and foaming at the mouth. He was hungry. 

Joel didn’t have time to think. He just moved. He lurched forward in a race for his gun, but just as it brushed past his fingers, Henry dove in, stealing it away into the air with him. “Henry!” He demanded over Ellie’s screams. “He’s infected-” 

“That’s my little brother!” 

“That ain’t-” 

There was another scream suddenly, demanding Joel’s eyes. He hunted for Ellie, half expecting her to be gurgling in a puddle of her own blood. When he found her, she was still alive, thank fucking God, but she was losing the fight. 

Sam beat his arms down a little harder, breaking Ellie’s arms away from her face. “ Joel!” She screamed his name again. 

“Henry!” He was begging now. 

Henry stared down wide at the scene in front of him, watching as his little brother lifted his arms up, his nails bared like talons, and then swung down towards Ellie’s throat. 

“ Ellie! ”

Pop. 

Ellie didn’t even hear the gunshot. Sam’s blood splashed out from the right side of his head, chunks and bone just as much as liquid, and then he crashed down on top of her. That was how she knew it was over. 

Sam’s body was so small. Still, it felt so overwhelming. Ellie whimpered as she struggled out from underneath him, painting herself with his gore in the process. He slumped down onto the carpet beside her afterwards, completely limp. The blood began its way through the fabric, painting everything around them red. 

“Ellie.” 

She kept on staring, frozen. 

“Ellie,” Joel repeated, panting. She glanced back finally, breaking her eyes away from the puddle of gore right beside her, formerly her new best friend. Once she found his face, she hid in it. “Hey.” She looked at him so small. It killed him. “Hey, sweetheart. Are you hurt-” 

Ellie whined suddenly, a damaged attempt at a warning of the gun currently pointed against either of their heads. Joel turned his eyes over, his expression softening at the realization. “Henry,” He focused, maintaining a gentle tone. “Hey.” 

Henry didn’t answer, didn’t even look. His eyes were wild and wide and shining with tears as he stared down at the growing puddle of blood in the corner, as well as the body drowning inside of it; there was a bullet hole in Sam’s little face. His own big brother’s doing. “What did I do?” His voice was a pant. “What did I do? What did I do?” 

“Henry,” Joel inched forward. “Henry. Just give me the gun.” 

Henry didn’t answer. “Sam,” He continued, whimpering. His cheeks puffed like he was going to be sick. “What did I do?”

The gun swayed suddenly, aiming at the blood puddle, and then landing against the smallness of Ellie’s face. Immediately, Joel lurched, pushing out a sigh of relief when Henry’s focus returned to him. “Just give me the gun, Henry,” He pleaded again, stretching his arm forward and reaching for the end of the pistol. “That’s all you’ve gotta do. It’s that easy. Just give me that gun.” 

Henry puffed his cheeks again, nauseous. “It’s my fault,” He whimpered. 

Joel shook his head. Ellie too, not that either of them noticed, not even her. “It’s not your fault, Henry,” He dismissed. “There was nothing you could’ve done.” He reached out again. “Just put the gun down and we can talk about it some more-” 

“I didn’t save him,” Henry panted. “I didn’t save him. It’s my fault.” He was working himself up, panting harder and faster and suddenly flipping the gun over in his hand until it was pressed firmly against his own head. “Sam,” He croaked, taking one last look. 

“ Henry, ” Joel stepped forward, though Henry didn’t even blink. The gun wasn’t for them anymore. “Henry, don’t-” 

Pop. 

Ellie wailed, and watched as Henry’s body crashed down to the ground, his now broken head only inches from her sneakers. She stared down at the conjoining puddles of blood, silent except for the panted rate of her breath. They were dead. They were both dead, only puddles now. 

Sam? 

“Ellie,” Joel moved first. No longer held hostage by a gun, he raced forward, sliding down to his knees in front of her and blocking the morbid sight of the bodies behind them, no matter the puddle of blood or how it soaked his clothes. She croaked at the sight of his face, managing nothing more. “It’s okay,” He hushed, pressing his palm against the back of her head and then pulling her into his chest. He couldn't not. 

Joel didn’t know whether or not to be surprised or to wait for his heart to break when Ellie snuggled in. “... Joel.” Her voice hid in his shirt. 

His face melted. “I know,” He shushed, holding her closer. “I know, honey. Don’t look. It’s okay.” 

Ellie dug her face in. She didn’t know how long they stayed like that, her hiding inside of Joel like all of this could’ve just never happened if she burrowed deep enough. It didn’t work. She sank away, disappointed. 

“Hey,” Joel mourned. His voice was so soft. “Hey-” 

Ellie shook her head, quieting whatever Joel was going to attempt. He frowned then, and glanced around the room, beginning an attempt to find some reason to get her out of this room while he covered the bodies. 

That was when he saw the bite. 

Joel’s heart froze in his chest. 

There was a gash clawed into Ellie’s wrist, unmistakingly shaped like teeth. Joel stared down at it, his skin pale with terror, his heart wrestled with dread. The overwhelming quiet was the only reason she noticed, above everything else. He was never quiet, but now he wasn’t even sounding a breath. Her brow furrowed against the inexplicable wreck on his face, until then she followed his eyes. 

Joel waited silently for Ellie to start crying, for her to be scared, for her to show any typical reaction, if there was one. Instead, she just rolled her eyes, pushing a few tears down her cheeks. Anger claimed her face. She spared a single, raging glance to what remained of the bite on Sam’s ankle, and then turned, escaping the room. 

“I’m fine,” Ellie threw out on the way, half-whining, half-snarling. 

Joel fell a step after her, his heart still in his throat. 

What the hell?

Chapter Text

Ellie didn’t speak the entire day after the hotel. Joel felt himself panicking because of it, not because of the quiet, he was long used to it with her, but he just needed to hear the sound of her voice and have something other than clicking or screeching come out. She was bitten. For the last twenty four hours, she’d been bitten, and still she hadn’t as much as twitched. She didn’t even seem scared, just annoyed, if anything. 

And she wasn’t saying a word. 

Ellie felt Joel’s eyes weighing down into her arm while she led them, as they had every second since the hotel room. It’d long grown old. The reasonable part of her knew of course he was staring, of course he was probably scared right now and needed her to just say something. The rest of her, the girl who’d been bitten twice and lost a best friend and survived each time was fucking angry. 

Why did she live? 

Again? 

And why hadn’t the cure worked like Marlene had promised it would? 

She’d already given so much just for the idea of it. 

Was it all just fake? 

It was night and Ellie still hadn’t spoken. And she still hadn’t turned. 

Joel turned his eyes up from the fire in front of them, not bothering this time with the smoke. His focus was stolen ten feet overhead, perched on a rock and watching the stars beside Ellie. Her feet dangled, peaceful, not even twitching. He watched, his heart still stuck in his throat in the same place that it’d been since he’d seen that goddamn bite on her wrist. 

Since Sam had turned. 

Since Henry had blown his brains out right in front of her. Thirteen years old. 

“Ellie,” Joel croaked called, watching her feet pause. “Food.” He peered down to the stew bubbling in their fire, glad for the excuse since she seemed so keen on avoiding him suddenly. 

Ellie’s feet disappeared from her perch. Soon after, she found a place down by the fire opposite Joel. The dry heat was a nice excuse for the glassy layer clinging to her eyes. His too. 

“Are you hungry?” The words felt clunky coming out of Joel’s mouth, mostly because they didn’t belong there right now. 

How are you alive? 

Why aren’t you surprised? 

What haven’t you told me?

How are you alive? 

Those questions all felt right. But Joel couldn’t ask them, so he just handed over a mug of canned meat, his heart leaping with relief when he felt the brief warmth of Ellie’s fingers. She felt so alive. He didn’t understand why, but that didn’t matter, only that warmth. 

Ellie stuck her nose down into her food and ate quietly, her eyes glassy, her throat silent. If it weren’t for the palm clasped over her arm, no one would have any clue that something might be hidden under there. 

“How do you feel?” 

Ellie lifted her eyes up from her stew, their color dark and unreadable. “I’m fine,” She muttered before sinking her chin again. 

Totally fine. 

Not dead. 

Sam’s grave flashed through her mind. 

And Riley’s. 

A deep pout sagged over Ellie’s face, worsened by the neverending feeling of Joel staring down into her arm. She tugged her sleeve down, hiding away from him. For the first time, his eyes felt like everyone else’s, digging into her and making her want to be smaller than she was. 

Ellie brought her eyes up again, glaring back at the undeserving, soft fear written into Joel’s eyes. “I’m not gonna fucking turn, okay?” All the anger in her lept out, latching onto the closest victim. “Stop staring at me.” She sank away again. 

Joel’s features softened. For the first time, he didn’t follow that plea. He didn’t understand. It felt like he was walking around in a slumber, a desperate vision that’d begun from the moment he’d seen that bite on Ellie’s arm. But it was lasting too long, and she still wasn’t dead. “Ellie,” He begged, risking an inch forward. “I’m just…” He lifted his hands and then dropped them, exasperated. “... I don’t understand-” 

“There’s nothing to understand, okay?” Ellie blurted, trying and failing to make it sound like an order. It came out like a plea. “It doesn’t matter. I’m okay. Can’t that just be enough?” 

Joel’s whole face reacted. “It is enough,” He promised fiercely before he could hold the words back. “But you just have to explain it to me,” He begged softly, frowning when Ellie sank again and pouted down into her soup. “You’re alive, Ellie. You’re breathing. Christ, you ain’t even twitchin’.” Her brow furrowed, her pout deepening. She gripped onto her fork tighter, making her knuckles white. “And you’re not surprised either.” 

Ellie glared away. 

“Just talk to me.” 

He made it sound so fucking easy. 

“Tell me about the worst day of your life,” Ellie asked suddenly, pouting back at Joel. “The worst thing that’s ever happened to you.” He met her gaze, frowning. She pouted. “It’s not so fucking easy, is it?” 

Joel sat back. “Outbreak day.” 

Ellie’s expression caught. The blind defensiveness on her face blinked for a moment, replaced with a sudden catch of somber curiosity. Joel stared back, sighing. “Alright,” He announced. “I’ll go first.” Even if it took hashing out the worst fucking memories he conjure, it’d be worth it, as long as he could know for certain that he wasn’t going to wake up to her screeching and dead in the morning. “And then you.” He stretched his arm forward over the fire, waiting for her to shake it. 

Ellie sat quiet, thinking. Finally, she leaned forward, accepting the deal. “Fine,” She agreed, retreating back. 

Joel dipped his head, grateful. Ellie’s eyes waited against his face then, listening. A shallow smile panned over his face. This felt like a bedtime story, something soft for him to lull her to sleep with, except now it was only the worst day of his life. “It happened overnight,” He began, sighing. “Just a few hours before, I’d taken Sa… my…” He sighed, bowling his eyes down. “... I’d taken my daughter, Sarah, to one of her soccer games that same day.” 

Ellie’s expression caught, first with surprise, and then not. It made sense for Joel. He was so gentle, but strong, a soft protector. That sounded like a dad. Or at least her daydreams of one. His face always seemed to appear now, blurred and uncertain, in the shadow of that word. 

“It was all so normal,” Joel shook his head. “It was my birthday, actually.” 

Ellie’s brow raised, a quiet ‘seriously, dude?’ that she was too polite to say out loud. He smiled, and then nodded. “I know,” He admitted. “Bad luck.” 

“Anyway, I was home with Sarah,” Joel continued, his voice low and gentle and quiet in a sad way that Ellie hadn’t really heard from him before. “Safe,” He added. “And then my idiot brother got himself into a bar fight, and I had to leave her and go pick him up.” He shook his head limply. “I didn’t even know the danger until I was headin’ back. Somethin’ felt off. The interstate was jam-packed and there were sirens everywhere. I just knew I had to drive faster.” 

Ellie sat, listening, the bite on her arm mostly forgotten now. 

“When we pulled up, she was outside.” Joel’s eyes darkened. “One of those things was chasin’ her. Our neighbor.” 

“What happened?” Ellie nudged quietly, interested. 

“I killed him,” Joel answered loyally. “First time,” He added after, frowning. “But I would’ve done it all over again. Anythin’ to keep her safe.” 

Ellie had a feeling it hadn’t exactly panned out like that. 

“I told her it was gon’ be okay. I’d keep us safe,” Joel nodded, stuck in the memory. “And then we crashed. Truck caught us on the way out of town.” He turned his eyes over his shoulder, thinking of the truck that they’d left behind in K.C, and how he’d seen Sarah’s crumpled body in the rearview mirror every time he’d looked. “Her leg was broken. She couldn’t run, so I had to carry her.”

“We got separated from Tommy,” Joel remembered after. “I was scared, leavin’ him. He… I… well, I raised him, too, for the most part. Felt like a chicken runnin’ around without my head, leavin’ him. But I had to.” 

“For Sarah?” Ellie thought quietly. 

“For Sarah,” Joel praised in an echo. “I didn’t know where I was takin’ us, really. I just knew we had to get away from town. From the people.” He lowered his chin suddenly, rubbing his thumb over the hard bone underneath like he could just press out the building stress of the sudden memories. “There was a runner that’d followed us. I couldn’t reach my gun with Sarah in my arms, so all I could do was run. I heard it gettin’ closer. I was sure it was gon’ get us.” 

Joel bowed his eyes down. “And then there were gunshots.”

Ellie sat back a little, like Joel had just told her that everything was going to be okay. He frowned, because he’d felt the exact same twenty years ago. 

“There was a soldier,” Joel began, clearing his throat through the sudden hoarseness. He bowed his eyes away, warning of the sudden storm. “I told him Sarah was hurt.” His wrinkles crinkled after, a silent admonishment for himself. “He thought I meant…” His eyes bowed to Ellie’s arm. “... you know.” 

“I know,” Ellie agreed dryly. 

Joel huffed softly. “Yeah, I reckon you do.” He sighed after, and then lifted his eyes into the fire, using it as an excuse for their sudden shine. “He thought she was sick.” He shrugged limply. “So he fired.” 

Ellie’s face fell. “What?” 

Joel lifted his eyes. 

“He just shot her?” Joel’s heart tugged at the upset in Ellie’s voice. She was sweet. “Fuck,” She sat back. “That’s so fucked up. I’m sorry, Joel.” 

The wrinkles beside Joel’s eyes crinkled as he smiled shallowly “That’s alright,” He lied softly. “I… a part of me’s almost glad,” He excused, sighing. “If she could see what I am now, what the world is…” He shook his chin. “... she’d be terrified,” He muttered. “... terrified of me,” He added after. 

Ellie’s whole face reacted. “ What?” She scooted forward, bewildered. “That’s not true.” Joel offered a disbelieving smile, only to appease her. “ Joel,” She demanded, pouting. “You’re not scary.” 

“Ellie,” He disagreed gently. 

“You’re not,” Ellie fussed, pissed off by the fact that Joel wasn’t agreeing. “You keep people safe, Joel. You’re nice, and you like my jokes.” His wrinkles crinkled, soft amusement claiming his face. “You’re the only reason I’m here,” She added after, demanding his eyes. “If you hadn’t found me in that store, I would’ve killed myself.” There was no doubt in her voice. She shook her head, sure. 

Joel’s heart caught at that confession. The sudden, overwhelming wash of relief played over his face, and danced inside his chest. “It’s your turn now,” He reminded gently, scooting forward an inch. 

Ellie looked away. She’d forgotten. 

Joel frowned, watching her. “How ain’t you turnin’?” He nudged her along the way. 

Ellie frowned. “I don’t know how,” She admitted, turning her eyes down to her sleeve and then pulling it up to reveal her bite. Bites. “It just doesn’t happen.” She turned her arm over, letting Joel see the others for the first time. His expression caught. He still wasn’t used to seeing that bite on her arm, bites now. His heart hung by a thread every time. “The first was in Boston.” She hesitated after, resting her words on the edge of her tongue. “My best friend was there.” 

Joel was quiet, listening and giving Ellie his whole focus and the safe space she needed like how she deserved. 

“We were in that mall,” Ellie started. “Like, near the corner of the Q.Z?” 

Joel’s expression slackened. “You mean the one that’s off limits?” 

Ellie matched his expression, smirking briefly. “ Yes, ” She quipped, retreating back into her ball of herself soon after. “There was an arcade,” She remembered softly, staring off into the fire and losing herself in the moment. “We played Mortal Kombat.” 

A soft look claimed Joel’s face, followed by a brief smile. Tommy and he had loved those games when he was a teenager. “Who’d you play?” He nudged, giving Ellie a brief moment to just be a kid in what he knew would probably be just a series of nightmare memories. 

A grin lit over Ellie’s ace. “Kitana,” She answered loyally, smiling. “She has this combo move where she totally slices your head clean off.” Her nose wrinkled with her smile. Joel watched, his heart clenching in his chest. “It’s sick.” 

“Sounds sick,” Joel echoed gently. 

Ellie smiled again, though with each quiet moment that went by of the fire crackling between them, it faded. “We didn’t hear it coming,” She started, bowing her eyes now. “It jumped her first.” She stared into the fire. “I didn’t even think about it. I just pounced on it.” She swayed her chin. “I couldn’t let it get her.” 

Warmth spilled through Joel’s face. Pride. “That was real brave of you,” He praised. 

Ellie flitted her eyes up, bitter. Maybe it was brave then, but it still didn’t matter now. Riley was still gone. 

“It didn’t get her,” Ellie shrugged, clearing her tone of its sudden smallness. Her eyes fell down to the bites on her arm in the meantime, as did Joel’s. They both stared at the bites. “It got me,” She murmured, even though he probably could’ve fucking guessed that. 

Ellie frowned, lifting her eyes up from her arm briefly and finding Joel before hiding away again. “I was so fucking scared,” She admitted, unable to look at him while she said it. He was glad, because his face broke. “I didn’t know what to do.” She frowned. “And I was so fucking mad.” Her nose scrunched, dark, angry, shadows filling the wrinkles. “Every day at school, I told myself, ‘it’s not gonna be like this one day.’”  

Joel’s expression softened. F.E.D.R.A, he remembered, grimacing. 

“But then I was just gonna die in some stupid mall.” Ellie shook her head, that anger rushing back again for a few brief seconds. She shook it off, huffing. “It’s fucking luck that we waited,” She mumbled. “Riley had a gun. She could’ve just…” Her voice trailed off, distant. “... but she didn’t. ‘It’ll be okay,’” She quoted. “ ‘I won’t leave.’” 

No one had ever said that to Ellie before Riley. 

And now Joel. 

“Nothing was happening,” Ellie remembered. “I didn’t understand. Everyone turns in hours . But I was fine.” She lowered her eyes down to her arm, fingers brushing gently over the marred skin. “Still, it didn’t matter. I knew as soon as someone saw it, they’d kill me. F.E.D.R.A fuckers included.” She peeked up. “It’s why I didn’t tell you.” 

Joel’s heart sank. “I wouldn’t have…” He couldn’t even get the words out, didn’t even want to think of the image. There was no world in which he’d put Ellie down like an animal, just so he could live, not unless he went right after, and even then, no. 

“I know,” Ellie finished, bowing her eyes down again. “I just… it was nice to pretend. Like if I wasn’t what I am, then everything that happened for it is fake, too.” A fresh pool of tears welled up suddenly. She sniffled, and then rubbed her sleeve against her cheeks, hiding her face as she did it, a last ditch attempt to maintain some dignity. Joel watched, his heart sagging down to his feet. 

“Riley was so happy about it,” Ellie frowned. “She wanted to go to Marlene.” 

“Marlene?” Joel echoed, furrowing his brow. “‘Firefly’ Marlene?” 

Ellie bobbed her chin. “Riley is… was a Firefly. She thought we could trust her.” She shrugged after, limp. “Wasn’t like I could go back to school. And it wasn't like we could get outside the walls by ourselves. I’d never even seen a runner before that night. And Riley was the one that killed it. Barely.” 

Joel frowned. Even though it was impossible, he wished that he could’ve just found the girls. He knew he would’ve kept them safe. Tess too. She would’ve loved Ellie. “I’m surprised Marlene didn’t shoot you on sight,” He muttered gently. 

Ellie huffed, nodding. “She wanted to,” She answered. “Riley convinced her not to, but she still tied my wrists up and kept us for, like, three days. Made her people run all these fucking tests to prove I wasn’t gonna turn.” 

Joel grimaced. “What tests?” 

“Counting the fucking alphabet?” Ellie shrugged. “Stupid stuff.” A relieving, familiar sight of sarcasm whittled over her face. “I think she was just most impressed with the fact that I didn’t turn into a screeching fungus monster.” 

A tired smile fell over Joel’s face. It was just nice to hear Ellie sound like Ellie. The sadness on her face soon trickled back though, making her chin sink again. 

“She said that I was something more. That whatever had happened to me was-” 

Joel’s expression slackened. “‘Was the key to finding a vaccine,’” He finished, frowning. 

Ellie picked her head up, surprised, and then nodded. “There’s other people like me?” 

“No,” Joel shook his head. “I don’t know,” He corrected after. “I just know I’ve heard that before. A lot. Marlene definitely has too.” 

Ellie’s face froze. “You think she was lying?” 

“I don’t know,” Joel repeated, frowning when he saw the pure need written on Ellie’s face. Jesus. Who the hell could sit a kid down and tell them they could save the world? Who could give someone that much false hope? Marlene. That’s who. “It just ain’t the first time she’s cried wolf. Let’s say that.” 

Ellie felt the fact sink into her like a knife. She sat back, her face a victim to the explicit rage running through her. “But she promised.” 

Joel’s features softened. Another lick of anger ran up him, and showed on his face. “Marlene makes a lot of promises,” He apologized, thinking of Tommy. 

The sentence again ran through Ellie. She sat up straight, and then stared into the fire, thinking, raging for a reason untold. Joel watched quietly, waiting for something more, for the story to lead them to that hell where he’d found her, but it never came. “I don’t wanna talk about this anymore,” She decided suddenly. 

Joel frowned, but didn’t push. “Alright,” He granted softly. A fond smile tugged over his lips soon after; a desperate attempt followed to give her the same. “Why don’t you start tellin’ me about all these stars, then?” 

Ellie picked her head up and rediscovered the stars overhead. Every night that they walked west, they got brighter. Now, a galaxy painted the evening sky; swarms of iridescent purple and blue. “They’re pretty,” She commented thoughtlessly. 

Joel smiled. “Do you know any of ‘em?” He nudged. 

“You don’t know Sally Ride?”

Ellie’s voice echoed between his ears. She loved space. He could work with that. 

“I’ve never seen this many,” Ellie prefaced, bewildered. “I think that’s Venus, though.” She pointed up, leading Joel’s eyes to a tiny prick in the night sky. 

“How can you tell?” Joel nudged, only so that Ellie would tell him. 

“‘Cause of how little it is,” Ellie answered. “And bright.” 

His eyes fell down then, and found her face. His Venus to protect. 

“Hey,” Joel brought Ellie’s eyes back down from space. “How did the astronaut make up for losing his crew's tools?” A preliminary, knowing smile lit over her face. She perked up, alive. 

“How?” 

Joel’s wrinkles deepend with his smile. “He apollogized.”

Ellie giggled. The sound was enough to make Joel’s heart leap in his chest, like a cow over the moon. The crackling of the fire took over in its aftermath. She turned her chin up inside the sound, and watched the stars again.

“I tried with Sam.” 

Joel’s eyes fell. 

“To fix him.” 

Joel’s heart plummeted. She knew. A rush of softness erupted over his face. She tried to save him, he realized after, frowning, and cursing himself. He’d been a room over, sleeping and peaceful, meanwhile Ellie was dealing with something she never should’ve been saddled with. 

“I didn’t even think it wouldn’t work,” Ellie mumbled. She lowered her eyes, feeling so stupid now. “Maybe if I’d just gotten you instead, Henry wouldn’t have…” She pursed her lips, sparing both of them the words of what he had done. “... mm.” 

A fire lit itself inside Joel’s chest. “Ellie,” He beckoned, scooching around the fire until he was sitting beside her. She didn’t meet his eyes, too busy sinking underneath the weight of the world, a burden that never should’ve been put there in the first place. She was too small. 

Fuckin’ Marlene. 

“Listen to me,” Joel ordered. Ellie didn’t return the gaze, too guilty. “Ellie. Hey. You look at me, honey. Right now.” Pouting, she lifted her face, finding him. “That was not your fault. There was nothin’ anyone could’ve done about it, not me, and not you.” 

Ellie shook her head. “I rubbed some of my blood onto Sam’s bite,” She continued, unconvinced. “Maybe it was something else. Maybe if I just did it right-” 

“Ellie,” Joel interrupted, shaking his head fiercely. “That is not your job.” He held her eyes, making damn sure she heard him. “You don’t have to be a cure. Not for a world that’s already taken so much. Not for a woman who didn’t give a damn about nothin’ more than that arm.” 

Ellie didn’t hear him. “But Sam-” 

“Sam was gone as soon as he got that bite on him,” Joel chanted, like maybe he could get that thought physically stuck in Ellie’s head. “I know that ain’t fair. I know you wish you could’ve done something, but it wasn’t your fault.” She stared back at him, pouting like a little kid. The sight whittled him. She was too young for all of this. “You don’t have to be a cure, sweetheart.” He shook his head. “Not with me.” 

Ellie turned her eyes over, finding Joel’s and hiding in them. He watched her face melt a little bit, like that was the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to her, like he was the first grownup to even remember her name or notice that she existed. And when they had, they made her hurt. Put a knife through her eyebrow or locked her in a dark room with a chain around her wrist or made her cry because it was funny. 

Ellie fidgeted a little at the memories, and then relaxed, remembering the softness of Joel’s eyes waiting across the fire. “C…” She opened her mouth and then closed it, hesitant. He watched with a clenching heart. “... can I sit with you?” Her eyes found anything but him while she asked. “... I just don’t wanna be alone.” 

It was the quietest Joel had ever heard Ellie speak, the softest, the smallest, like even that tiny ask was too much and too annoying. He felt his heart squeeze in his chest. He had to force himself to unclench his fists, and reminded himself of all the reasons why he couldn’t start walking back to the Boston Q.Z. and make sure every F.E.D.R.A fucker there paid for making her so sure that she deserved nothing. 

It was also a change, her asking him to get closer. 

“Yeah, honey,” Joel answered as fast as he could. “C’mon.” He scooted over on his sleeping bag, making space for Ellie to settle in by his side. She balled up in her designated spot, content, and also too nervous now to move even an inch closer. This was probably so annoying. God. She was so fucking stupid. So pathetic-

“You wanna scooch over?” Joel read Ellie like a book. It was cute, in a sad way, how easy she was making it what with the tiny ball she’d curled herself into. 

Ellie didn’t realize her own pout. Can I? The expression asked, making his heart squeeze. 

Joel moved for Ellie. “C’mere.” She felt the gentle weight of his arm hang down onto the smallness of her shoulders; it was a conscious weight, safe and caring and so ready to pull away if it was what she needed. “Tell me if this ain’t okay,” He outlawed gently. 

Ellie didn’t answer, only settled in, God forbid snuggled. “You aren’t scary, Joel,” She reminded. His gaze fell down and found her face, fond. He hadn’t looked at anything as softly as he did her, not for a long time. “... I know scary,” She reminded next, facing away. “You’re not it.” She shook her head. “You never were.” She wetted her lips. “Sarah would’ve known that, too.” 

Joel’s heart clenched. He lowered his chin then, drooping his head down to sit atop Ellie’s, careful with the weight. The side of her face rested against his neck now, while the rest of her was tucked into the crook between his shoulder and chest. The dying ends of his beard scratched her freckled cheek, and he felt her wrinkle her nose at it. He smiled. It’d always made Sarah giggle too, whether it be his beard or his brother’s sad copy. 

“You’re a good kid, Ellie.” 

Her eyes raced up, though all she found was the bottom of his chin, mostly since she refused to surrender her new hiding spot against his neck. 

“I fight too much,” She corrected quickly, already stocked up with a laundry list of all of the reasons he was wrong. She’d had it waiting practically since the second she was born. It’d just gotten longer over the years. “And grownups don’t like when I curse.” 

“Which grownups?” Joel shook his head. Ellie’s cheek smudged against his neck, following him. 

“F.E.D.R.A ones,” She answered. “I used to cry too much when I was little also,” She remembered, adding it to the list. “And I’m short. Made it annoying for drills. I’m just saying, like, I’m not goo… I’m annoying,” She shook her head. Fuck. The words were just coming out and they wouldn’t stop. 

Shut up, she pouted. 

“Ellie,” Joel’s voice fanned down like his breath, warm. “First of all, you’re supposed to cry when you’re little. Second of all, you sure as hell ain’t annoyin’.” 

“You should’ve seen me, dude,” Ellie shook her head again. “They used to put me in the Hole all the time ‘cause I wouldn’t shut the fuck up.”

Joel’s heart caught. “What the hell is ‘the Hole’?” The words came out low in his throat, growled almost. 

Ellie shrugged. “Solitary confinement.” She said it like it was the simplest thing. Meanwhile, those two little words in her little voice robbed Joel of any of the breath he had in his chest. “I set the record, y’know,” She added suddenly, and he prayed to God that the next sentence out of her mouth wouldn’t be something horrible. “Four days.” She held up her fingers, proud. “I was six.” 

Joel felt his breath leave again. “Jesus Christ.” Before he could stop himself, he used his other arm and turned Ellie around until she was sitting completely against his chest. His other arm followed, and he hugged her then, as close as he could, like she was just small again in his arms and he was hiding her from those fucking soldiers who wanted to put her in a fucking closet. 

“What are you doing?” Her voice rose up from his chest, muffled against the warmth of his shirt, and almost confused. 

“I’m hugging you,” Joel answered, heart tugging at the fact that he had to explain it to her. 

“Oh.” Ellie sat, hesitant, and then coiled her arms around Joel’s waist, snuggling deeper, though she’d never admit it. “Why?” 

Joel frowned again. “Because no one ever should’ve done that to you,” He answered softly, cupping the back of Ellie’s head with his palm and holding her closer. Her brow furrowed, confused still, but she snuggled in again. “I’m sorry, kiddo. You deserved so much better than that. .” She turned her face up against his chest, melting under the words, even if she didn’t totally understand them. It was so wildly different than anything she’d ever been given before. 

Ellie cuddled in. She liked this so much more. 

Joel watched Ellie fall asleep on him, a smile drawn over his face. He leaned down and brushed away the dried tears on her cheeks with the softest touch he’d used in twenty years. 

We’re okay. 

Joel let them take an easy pace when morning came. 

Ellie took advantage of the slower walk, and caught up to Joel. She bowed her face down, refusing to look his way as she slipped her fingers into his and clung suddenly onto his hand. He turned his eyes over, a victim to the idiot smile that spread over his lips. 

He squeezed. 

I see you, it declared. You’re okay with me. 

And she was. 

Chapter Text

Their surroundings started getting different every day they headed west. 

Ellie watched mountains beginning to swallow up the horizon with wonder in her eyes. Boston had always been so flat, nothing to stare up at but steel walls and dirty buildings. It was so pretty out here. The sun would light against the mountain peaks at dusk and dawn and make it look like they were glowing. She stared every time, every morning for a month now. 

And the stars. 

The stars were so bright at night. 

Ellie could look up and literally see the galaxy. Joel watched her every night, a smile drawn over his face. The terrified, shaking, tiny girl he’d found in that store was missing, replaced with this full-of-life kid who loved the stars and puns and dinosaur facts. The fear was still there, no doubt, but not the only thing anymore. He knew, as soon as he got them behind Tommy’s walls, it’d just get better. He was looking forward to it. For her. And for him. 

There weren’t any people out west. 

Ellie liked that. 

“Dude,” She panted, dragging her sneakers through the inches of fresh snow around her ankles. “What the fuck? They didn’t have this stuff in the Q.Z.” 

Joel peered back, smiling. “Oh, c’mon, it ain’t that bad,” He drawled, feeding Ellie the very same line that she’d given him after they’d climbed forty flights of stairs in K.C. He waited after for a response, but he didn’t get one, only a sudden explosion of cold against the back of his head. He turned his eyes back, smiling. 

Ellie stared back, and then made a show of wandering her eyes over their snow-blanketed, mountainy surroundings. “Whoa, who did that?” She wondered aloud, curious. 

A sudden burst of cold ripped Ellie’s eyes back. She was only met with the back of Joel’s head, walking away, and shaking a little like he was laughing. It wasn’t hard to picture the shit-eating grin undoubtedly plastered over his face. “You asshole!” 

He just chuckled. 

Ellie watched the two bunnies hanging over Joel’s coat dangle with his gait as they trudged through another snow-drowned day. “Are you ever gonna teach me how to hunt?” She questioned, quickening her pace to catch up with him. Her stupid legs were so much smaller than his; combined with the snow, she was constantly lagging behind. He waited for her though, every time. 

“I thought you didn’t like killing,” Joel replied sincerely. 

Ellie frowned. “I don’t,” She nodded. “But I wanna help too.” She wrinkled her nose up as they walked, thinking. “Maybe I could take care of it after,” She thought aloud. “So, I don’t have to hurt anything.” 

Joel’s heart tugged. “I think the killin’ would be easier for you than the ‘taking care of it after,’” He snorted softly. 

“What?” Ellie frowned. “Do you think I can’t do it ‘cause I’m a girl?” 

Joel turned all the way around, meeting Ellie’s eyes with a slack expression. “You know I don’t think that,” He answered seriously, watching the small, soft expression that graced her face. 

“I know,” She echoed warmly.

“It just ain’t a job for a kid,” Joel continued, bringing his hand down and catching one of Ellie’s mitted hands in his own as they walked. “I reckon you’ve got a few years ahead of you before you have to know what a bunny looks like on the inside. Okay?” 

Ellie smirked. “I wanna help us though,” She complained still. She felt bad, Joel doing everything: feeding them, keeping them safe, keeping her safe. She didn’t deserve all of that. 

“You already help,” Joel denied, squeezing Ellie’s hand. “C’mon. Out of the two of us, which one knows every dinosaur from the Triassic, Jurassic, and Cretaceous period?” A smile flickered over her face. “ All three? Do you have any clue how impressive that is? Hm?” 

“Shut up,” Ellie grinned.

Joel smiled too. “Tell me about one of them,” He requested gently. 

Determination filled Ellie’s eyes, the need to please. “Well, raptors are from the Traissic period,” She began, matching the soft smile written over Joel’s face. “People think they were sure big and scary ‘cause of some old movie or something, but really they were super little. And they were one of the first dinosaurs. Totally primitive. Isn’t that awesome?” 

Joel’s wrinkles creased as he smiled. “Totally awesome,” He echoed gently. 

The mountains getting taller around them acted as a gradual invitation to Wyoming. Joel didn’t actually know exactly where Tommy’s town was, or what it even looked like, only that he’d last radioed near the Cody tower. Aside from that and a few other details, it was up to their imaginations. 

“Do you think it’s gonna have walls?” Ellie wondered as they walked under the shadow of distant mountains. She couldn’t remember the last time they’d seen a building. She loved Wyoming. “Like the Q.Z?” 

“Maybe,” Joel answered. “I know it’ll be safe,” He promised after, because that was what Ellie was really asking. "Tommy and I talked on the radio a few times before he stopped respondin’. They’ve got kids there. Electricity. Hell, I think they’ve even got a library.” 

Ellie’s eyes perked up. “Really?” 

“You can find every book they’ve got on Sally Ride,” Joel granted, smiling. Ellie’s lips curled up, her cheeks pinching underneath the sudden grin. She was actually really excited to get to Tommy’s town. Even if he was a Firefly. 

It’s gonna be safe there. 

It’s gonna be okay. 

Ellie couldn’t remember the last time she’d ever been capable of that thought. Joel made it easy. 

“Do you think Tommy’s gonna be happy to see you?” 

Joel glanced back from the river beside them. A brief frown claimed his face. “I ain’t sure,” He admitted honestly. “I believe the last words he said to me were, ‘I never want to see your goddamn face ever again.’” 

Ellie looked up. “Damn. What’d you do?” 

Joel’s expression slackened. “I took care of us,” He answered flatly. “I just… well, we have differin’ opinions on how I went about it.” 

Ellie slowed briefly. There was something darker to the sentence, a brief hint at a Joel that she didn’t know, maybe the one that he was convinced Sarah would’ve been terrified of. “Did you hurt people?” 

Joel slowed too. “Yes,” He answered, honest again. 

“Innocent ones?” 

Joel waited longer this time before answering. “Some,” He admitted gently. 

Ellie stopped now. A sudden weight claimed the bottom of her heart. “Did… did you ever…?” 

Ellie left the sentence hanging, but Joel worked it out, eventually. As soon as he did, he turned completely, his expression horrified. “Jesus, no.” Something lurched inside of him at the mere thought. He looked nauseous. “No, I would never… Ellie, I need you to know I’d never lay a hand on you-” 

“I know,” Ellie interrupted, any doubt flushed completely out of her system. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Joel shook his head. He slowed his pace down, waiting for Ellie to catch up by his side, and then laced his fingers with his own. You’re safe with me, his palm said, squeezing gently against hers before it slipped away. I promise. 

“Tommy’s a good man,” Joel added suddenly, because everytime he brought him up, Ellie seemed to tense a little, for some reason that he couldn’t yet make out. “He loved Sarah like she was the sun. Y’know, one time she fell during one of her soccer games. He jumped up over the fence, right in the middle of the game, and made sure she was okay.” A grin flickered over his face. “God, she was so embarrassed.” 

Ellie smiled briefly, ignoring the undying tingle in her gut. “He sounds cool,” She agreed, unsure if she was lying or not.  

Joel looked over, smiling. 

A blurry pack of horses appeared over his shoulder. Ellie’s eyes drifted over, watching. There were men, too. Riders, approaching over the distant hilltop. An immediate wash of fear claimed her face, and she stopped dead in her tracks, leading his eyes over. 

Shit. 

“Ellie,” Joel raced his hand back. She understood, immediately tying her fingers with his. His grip was tight. As the riders drew closer, he tugged her back,  completely hiding her behind his own body. She had a split second to realize, with a frown, that he was blocking her, like maybe this time the bullet would hit him, and not his a kid. 

Joel didn’t even try to make them run, the fond memory of Ellie dragging her feet through the snow a liability now. “Stay behind me,” He panted, tugging her closer and hiding her body with his own as well as he could. He hoped it would be enough. He prayed. 

The riders came to a stop, circled now around Joel and Ellie, like a pack of vultures. 

“We ain’t lookin’ for trouble,” Joel announced, clutching tightly onto Ellie’s arm and panning his gaze over the gathering of riders with a wary eye. She peeked from over his shoulder, tense. “We’re just passin’ through-” 

“Drop your rifle,” One of the riders ordered suddenly, a man, shrouded with an old cowboy hat. 

Joel listened, and then let his gun fall down from its place over his shoulder. He couldn’t afford a stray bullet, not with something so precious barely hidden behind him. He squeezed Ellie’s hand suddenly. We’re okay, it said, a quiet reassurance that he couldn’t risk out loud right now. 

“Have you got any bites?” One of the riders lurched forward, watching from behind the brim of her brimmed hat with narrowed, dark eyes. Her skin was dark and fair, and her hair fell over her shoulders in thick, even braids. One of her hands waited on her stomach. 

Joel felt Ellie’s fingers tighten around his own. “There ain’t any infected out here,” He tried, swallowing. 

“Says who?” The woman huffed. She lifted her hand suddenly, and Joel tensed, waiting for the sudden gleam of a rifle, though it never came. She tugged her bandana down from her face and then pressed her fingers to her lips, eliciting a sharp whistle.

Another man appeared, a leather leash bound tightly in his fist; a snarling, large german shepherd waited on the other end. It looked hungry. “If you’re infected, he’ll smell it on you, and he’ll tear you up.” Without any warning, he dropped the leash. “This is your last chance for a bullet.” 

Joel’s fingers tightened, catching Ellie’s sudden attempt to retreat. I know, he thought quietly, the palpable terror in her grip agreeing with the panic in his own. “We just want to be on our way,” He repeated, voice hoarser than he wished. All he felt was the roaring of his own heartbeat between his ears, and the smallness of her hand in his own. He was going to fail again. “We don’t got any bites-”

“This should go fast then,” The man interrupted. His eyes fixed on Ellie suddenly. She stared back, scared. “She takes five steps back.” 

Joel’s expression hardened. No, he wanted to growl. I won’t let anything happen, he wanted to turn around and tell Ellie. She was clinging onto him so tight. But the riders had guns, and if he didn’t make her move, he knew all it would get her was a bullet. Goddamn it. 

Joel turned around, facing the immediate, explicit protest scrawled over Ellie’s face. I know, his expression read, meanwhile his lips said something else. “I’ll still be right here,” He promised softly, though any comfort that that might’ve offered was immediately overshadowed by the feeling of his hands breaking away from hers.

“ ... Joel,” Ellie whisper-hissed, pouting. 

“It’ll be okay,” He shushed. “Just listen.” 

With a deep, unpleased frown, Ellie tiptoed back five steps, each pace the smallest it could possibly be. Her hand felt empty by her side, the warmth from Joel’s palm fading away as he turned back around and faced the approaching dog. 

He’ll smell it on you, Ellie remembered, panicking. What would he smell? What if it was on her? What if she’d given it to Joel somehow? She watched the pounce up suddenly, its frown paws landing against his coat, and winced like it’d jumped on her. 

Ellie waited for the flash of teeth, the spill of blood, Joel’s scream, but it didn’t come. The dog dropped down lazily, and then continued past Joel. The relief she’d built up in her system disappeared when she remembered it was coming for her now. 

They used to sic dogs on the kids. 

At F.E.D.R.A school. 

Old military practice apparently, except they’d run out of the proper clothes that soldiers used to wear to protect themselves from the dogs’ teeth during training. It was meant to make them run faster. Well, Ellie had been the smallest. The easiest target. She still had teeth marks on her in a few places. 

This dog looked like it could be the same fucking one. 

Ellie watched it approach, the air in her lungs suddenly thick and useless, her heartbeat suddenly a flutter. She was so sure that those dog’s teeth, bared now as it growled, were going to end up lodged in her throat while she drowned in a shallow puddle of her own blood. She didn’t dare move. She couldn’t. She only stared, trying to focus on the distant, blurry image of Joel as it jumped up on her. 

Something wet. 

Ellie scrunched her face, confused. And then she realized a long tongue, running over each of her fingers and searching for scraps of the jerky she’d eaten for breakfast. A smile dared its way over her face. She’d never gotten this close before, never seen how dark and cute their eyes could be. Normally, she was on the floor by now, crying and writhing away from the teeth in her leg. 

“... hi,” Ellie whispered, smiling again. She lifted either of her mitted hands up to scratch behind the dog’s ears, and then giggled when his tail thumped, content. “Joel,” She beckoned, lifting her eyes. “Look.” 

The terror on Joel’s face was only beginning to break away. “I see,” He echoed softly, breathless. He reached his hand out, waiting, and then melted a little when Ellie bounded up and took it. He hid her back behind him, practically panting. We’re okay, he chanted quietly, clawing for a steady breath. We’re okay. 

A sharp whistle brought Joel’s eyes back. The dog disappeared behind the crowd of riders. He watched it go, relieved. 

“What’s your business out here?” 

Joel managed to lift his eyes away from Ellie behind him. He squeezed her hand, making up for the loss of her face; he just needed to know she was there, safe, behind him. We’re okay. He clawed out a breath. “I’m lookin’ for my brother. That’s all.” 

The woman who’d asked the question narrowed her eyes, casting down a hard look from atop her horse. “What’re your names?” 

Ellie felt Joel hesitate. “Joel,” He answered finally. It made her insides squirm, how he hesitated longer with her name, like she was something more precious to protect. He made her feel so safe, even with a crowd of strangers around them.  “And Ellie.” She squeezed onto his hand. 

The woman’s expression had already slackened before Joel even uttered Ellie’s name. “You’re looking for Tommy,” She guessed inexplicably. 

Joel’s face answered for him. The woman frowned again, but then pressed her fingers to her lips and whistled sharply, ordering forward another horse from behind the line of riders. “They come with us,” She announced loudly, and none of the others seemed to question her. 

“Can I pick my rifle back up?”

The woman examined Joel behind narrowed eyes, and then shook her head. “No.” She tugged her reins then, not giving him another look. 

Ellie found Joel’s face. “Do you know her?” She nudged quietly, accepting his hand as he reached down from atop their new horse and helped her climb her way up like it was Everest; a soft look of adoration claimed his face the entire time, paired with still-rampant relief. 

“No,” Joel answered. He made sure Ellie was steady behind him, and then tugged the reins, following after the line of riders, that of which was led by the woman. 

“She seemed to know you,” Ellie commented. A smirk claimed her face. “She seemed to fucking hate you, actually,” She corrected right after, giggling. 

Joel threw a soft glare over his shoulder. “Okay, you little brat.”

Ellie giggled again. Joel felt her smush her face into his shoulder right after. He breathed, a victim to the immediate clench of his heart. We’re okay, he reminded himself, drawing his fingers back so that he could lace them with hers, the sounds of that dog snarling as it stalked towards her still ringing between his ears. You’re okay.

A blip appeared on the horizon. A distant town, sheltered by tall, thick walls as well as the surrounding mountains. 

Ellie watched with large, dark eyes. “It looks safe,” She commented, oblivious to the pure want in her own voice. 

Joel glanced back, his expression soft. “It does,” He agreed, giving her hand another gentle squeeze before facing back ahead and watching the gates part in front of them. His breath fell out a little when he saw what waited inside. 

It felt like they’d stumbled on a time machine. 

The first thing Joel saw was the school, passing by on their right side. He tilted his chin after it, watching a small line of toddlers waddle their way out of the brightly-painted, double doors. He imagined a small, curly head of hair bouncing along after them, and thought of Sarah. 

Ellie was too busy thinking with her stomach. She didn’t even know the words to describe whatever smell was spilling through the main street, having only ever lived off of dumpster scraps and long expired M.R.E’s, only that she’d never wanted anything more in her entire life. “ Dude,” She gushed, tugging at the ends of Joel’s jacket like a little kid. 

He chuckled, glancing back. “Settle down.” 

Ellie tugged again in complaint. Fuck, it smelled so good.

They stopped all of a sudden. 

Ellie tilted her eyes over, only finding the back of Joel’s head. His gaze was stuck on something to the left of them, his expression unreadable. She followed his line of sight and then led a failed attempt to find anything significant among the construction site beside them. There were men and women working on a house. It looked like the roof was being stripped down. She didn’t understand what was so interesting. And then: 

“ Tommy!” 

Ellie found Joel again, and then searched the construction site again, not that she’d recognize a man she’d never met, a Firefly , of all things to be. 

Joel brushed his hand briefly over Ellie’s shoulder on his rush down from the horse. “Stay here.” He acknowledged her, and then he was gone, hurrying across the street. Her eyes followed his rushed path and locked onto another man, less gray around the temples and a little quicker in pace. He still looked like Joel, just a little less weathered. Less soft. Or maybe that was just the Firefly tattoo on his arm spoiling her thoughts. 

Tommy practically tackled Joel with his weight, and vice versa. “Tommy,” He repeated, a victim to the bright smile that spread over his entire face like wildfire. He held Tommy as close as he could, and closed his eyes, only focusing on the sound of his baby brother’s heartbeat, strong and healthy. 

“Joel,” Tommy echoed, practically giggling with glee. Two grown men in the middle of the street, both of them looking straight out of an old western, giggling like two little boys. Ellie watched, kind of perplexed, sort of smiling. 

Tommy leaned his weight back, prying himself out of Joel’s arms so that he could see his big brother’s face. “¿Qué... qué diablos estás haciendo aquí, hermano mayor?

Joel’s eyes shone with his smile. “Yo vine aquí para salvarte. ” They both laughed again with how ridiculous that statement was now, and then practically tackled each other once more. 

Tommy grinned at the feeling of his brother’s arms circling around him. He closed his eyes, and buried himself  closer, and let himself remember this feeling. He couldn’t even think of the last time it’d happened. He couldn’t remember the last time his brother had been anything but the walking dead. 

And now he was laughing. 

Maybe it had something to do with that kid that wouldn’t stop staring at them. 

Tommy lifted his eyes up from his brother’s shoulders, and found the little girl waiting on the same horse that his brother had all but jumped from. Immediately, the thought entered his mind. Was this another niece? No, his mind corrected a second later. Her skin was the same color as the snow around them, lacking the warmth and Chilean color that Sarah had. Still, she was wearing his brother’s sweatshirt. 

The kid seemed to shrink under Tommy’s eyes, so he spared her. The questions in his mind stayed behind. 

Joel didn’t notice the confusion on his brother’s face. He was too focused on the kid now, and coaxing her down from the horse. “C’mon, kiddo,” He nudged, his voice gentler than Tommy had heard it sound in twenty years. He surrendered his arm to the girl as she stepped down from the saddle, his eyes focused on nothing but her, like she was the only thing worth looking at. 

By the time that they were walking to figure out what smelled so good, Tommy only had more questions. 

The dining hall was warm inside, so warm that Ellie could take her jacket off. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d done that in days. There were so many people inside, too. She watched all of them while she ate, her eyes waiting longer on the men. And Tommy too. He caught a few quick glances shot his way as they ate, her eyes never meeting his, only the brand on his arm. 

Later, Tommy thought the whole time. He wasn’t going to question a kid, especially not one that seemed so skittish. Joel needed to cough up some answers, though. The relief of having his brother hold him again was beginning to fade, doubt sinking in. 

His brother was a smuggler. 

He wouldn’t smuggle a kid. 

Would he? 

Ellie’s plate was practically licked clean in less than a minute. Joel noticed beyond the porcelain edge of his own dish, frowning. He knew it wasn’t because she was hungry. He always made sure she was well fed, more often than not at the expense of his own needs. She’d probably just never eaten for any reason but to not starve before. This food actually tasted good, and it wasn’t even that great, just not expired. She’d never had that before. 

The woman from earlier had joined them. Maria, they’d learned. She watched Ellie, and then Joel, her eyes narrowed like a hawk. Tommy’s face wasn’t all that different, just softer, his doubt better hidden and not as extreme. 

“We’ve got plenty of food here,” He began, dipping his eyes Ellie’s way. She tugged her sleeves up, conscious of the weight of his gaze. “If you’re still hungry.” 

Ellie just looked to Joel, not answering. It didn’t slip past his notice. He sat up a little taller, glancing briefly towards his brother in a search for some possible reason for the sudden quiet, and then the rest of the dining hall. Maybe it was all the people, he guessed. They hadn’t seen another face in weeks. It made sense for her to be a little wary, especially with everything she’d been through. 

Maybe we’ll leave the tour for tomorrow, he thought gently. Give us some time to adjust. 

Maria didn’t seem like she was going to make that easy. “So, what are you doing all the way out here, Joel?” He met the coldness of her gaze. Suddenly, he felt like he was in an interrogation room. “Last we heard, you were still in the Boston Q.Z.” 

Joel’s lips tugged. “‘We’?”

Maria turned her eyes over, sitting them expectantly against Tommy’s face. He frowned, and then sat taller, sighing. “‘We,’” He nodded, intertwining his hand with Maria’s and also showing off the rings waiting on either of their fingers. “She’s family, Joel.” 

Joel’s expression shifted. “Oh. Congratulations,” He replied, even if his brother seemed to have chosen his number one hater for a wife. He still didn’t know why. He wondered how Tommy had described him: the devil on earth, it seemed. 

“Congrats,” Ellie repeated numbly. Joel glanced over, again taking notice of the sudden, withdrawn look on her face. He frowned.

“Is there anywhere we could stay-” 

“What are you doing out here?” Maria was still in interrogation mode. 

Ellie glanced up, frowning at Maria’s tone. She was being an asshole, and only to Joel. It was starting to piss her off.  “We’re treasure hunting,” She butted in, voice dripping with sarcasm. 

Maria just frowned, disapproving. Ellie glared back, unbothered. 

Tommy interrupted the quiet stare-off. “How ‘bout we show y’all around?” He caught Joel’s eyes and then stood. “Then we can get you set up somewhere.”

Joel nodded, making a quiet vow as he stood to make this fast for Ellie’s sake. “C’mon, kiddo.” She took his hand, and then followed in his shadow. 

Joel was still taken aback by the main street, even though he’d seen it already now. There were so many people, families, all laughing and talking and going about their days as if life was normal. Vendors lined either side of the walkway, handcrafted goods and vibrant art hanging from the small shops. A group of kids darted their way past him, giggling and chasing after each other as they ran. He watched after them, peace drawn over his face. 

And then Joel felt Ellie cling onto his hand, and he focused up again. As welcoming as this place was, he could easily see how it might be the exact opposite for her. She’d never seen the old world. Neighborhoods like this were like something from an alien planet, and this street alone was probably more people than she’d ever seen before. That was what he guessed anyway, because she was really hanging onto him. He offered a gentle squeeze. 

We’ll be home soon, it said, even if he didn’t know what that looked like yet. Only that it’d be just them, like how it had been out there. No strangers for a little while. And a warm house. And soft clothes. Everything he’d wanted to give her for the last four months. 

“How do y’all power this place?” 

Tommy glanced back. “We’ve got a dam a few miles away,” He answered, slowing his pace to walk beside Joel. Beside him, Ellie held on a little tighter. He noticed. “Don’t ask me how the hell it makes electricity,” He smirked after. “I just know it works.” 

“We’ve got fences,” Maria started. “Running water, appliances, pretty much anything you could ask for. We’ve even got a jail, not that we’ve needed it.” 

“Radio?” Joel filled in. 

Tommy frowned suddenly, and took an abrupt interest in anywhere but Joel’s face. Maria answered for him. “Yes,” She admitted. “We try to stay off of it, though. Don’t want to advertise what we have here and run the risk of the wrong type of people finding this place.” 

Ellie connected the dots almost faster than Joel did; Maria hadn’t exactly bothered to hide it. “Who’s the wrong type of people?” She pushed, her tone narrow. 

Maria didn’t answer, and it was almost louder than if she’d just spoken. 

Ellie glared into the back of her head for the rest of their walk. Maria didn’t even know Joel. He wasn’t the wrong type of people. He wasn’t scary. He was her favorite person ever, and Maria was treating him like nothing more than the dirt under her perfect boots. It made her mad, especially with Tommy standing right there by her side with that fucking brand on his arm. Joel was the bad one? 

Shit was fucked. 

“Hey, look it.” Joel’s voice coaxed Ellie back. She followed his eyes, and then immediately forgot Maria. There was a library on the side of the road beside them. It was small, but even through the windows, she could see rows and rows of books. There was a space aisle. Her whole face lit up at the brief glimpse. He watched behind a soft grin. 

“ Joel, ” Ellie whispered, her chin trailing after the building after they passed. Joel watched fondly. She tugged his arm like a little kid, making him smile again. 

“I saw,” He didn’t even need to ask to know it was the space aisle getting her so worked up. 

“Can we go? ” She tugged again. 

A smile flickered over Joel’s face. “How about tomorrow?” He compromised, holding his hand out for Ellie to shake. She did, as fast as she could. “I’ll build you a whole bookshelf to fill up.” Her heart lept at the promise. 

Maria was a long forgotten thought.

This was what this place was. 

A real home. 

With Joel to fill it. 

They were safe here. He wasn’t gonna leave her. She could just be, with him. Not a cure, not a soldier. Not anything, just herself. She could be happy here. Her heart seemed a little less heavy suddenly. She cuddled closer into his arm. He smiled, and then clung back. 

“Look, Joel,” Ellie pointed again, her eyes caught on a series of horses peeking out from each of their stalls in the stables. Their eyes were dark and large, and adorable. They seemed so gentle. 

Tommy noticed the adoration on Ellie’s face, and donned his brother’s smile. “You wanna pet one?” He offered softly. 

Ellie glanced over, the innocence in her eyes blinking a little under the weight of his eyes. She ran away to Joel’s face then, searching him for some type of permission. “Go on,” He nudged, loosing his grip around her hand. 

Ellie tiptoed beside Tommy, like she was trying to make herself as invisible as she could. He spared her a comment about it, mainly because it was plain to see that it wasn’t personal. Her eyes were glued to the brand on his arm. Just more questions for Joel, once they had a moment. 

“His name’s Callus,” Tommy disclosed, watching Ellie linger by a single one of the stall windows. A chocolate brown horse poked his head out and pushed itself into Ellie’s chest, demanding gentle pets. She stared down, a shy smile curling over her lips. “He likes you,” He commented softly, keeping himself back and letting her just have this little moment. 

“Really?” Ellie cooed. 

The sound alone melted through Tommy’s chest. Joel’s kid or not, this girl had Sarah’s spirit. She was curious, and gentle, so conscious of the weight of just her own fingers on Callus' fur. Tommy found himself hoping suddenly that she was Joel’s in some way. He’d be proud, to share a family with this kid. 

“I’m sure,” Tommy granted. “He ain’t broken in yet,” He added. “He's actually been a real pain for the ranch-hands. But he's calm with you.” 

A smile ran over Ellie’s whole face like a sunrise. “... hi,” She greeted softly, brushing her palm along the white patch of fur on Callus' forehead. The horse stared back behind brown, gentle eyes. “... so fucking cool.” 

Tommy watched, a smile shadowed under his mustache. 

“What’s she doing with you, Joel?” 

Joel turned his eyes over from the soft image in front of him, finding Maria’s waiting, mistrusting gaze. “She’s the comedic relief.” He ran away from the question. It wasn’t his place to say the reason Ellie was with him in the first place. It wasn’t his story to tell. When she was ready, and after he made sure it was okay. 

Maria wasn’t amused. “She isn’t yours,” She guessed coldly. “Why is she with you? Where are her parents? Where’s she from? How old is she?” 

Joel tilted his face over, trying to plaster over the annoyance starting to boil underneath his skin. 

Tommy saved him. “Maria,” He interrupted, picking his eyes up from Ellie and Callus, the softness lingering behind. “Hey, what about that house across the way from us? It still empty?” 

Maria flushed the suspicion out of her face as she turned away from Joel. He frowned after her, but managed to hold his tongue. He didn’t want to argue in front of Ellie. He knew too well what that felt like. Tommy did too. 

“It is,” Maria granted. “The radiator’s a little flimsy, but it should do.” 

Ellie blinked. “What’s a radiator?” 

The house was bigger than anything Ellie had ever seen. She thought that it’d end at the living room, but then there was a whole kitchen too, and a staircase, which led to a whole nother floor. She bounded up the newly polished steps, her eyes racing over the hallway of doors at the top. There were so many rooms. Did she get her own? 

The lights worked. 

“ Dude,” Joel heard Ellie exclaim from the top of the steps. He smiled to himself, content. 

Tommy watched from the kitchen. Maria was gone, already following Ellie up the steps. Joel watched her go. It wasn’t Ellie she seemed to hate, only him, in fact mainly on behalf of Ellie, like he was the worst thing in the world for her. Either way, he didn’t say anything. Something told him he didn’t want to get any further on that woman’s bad side. 

“What’s she doing with you, Joel?”

Joel tilted his eyes over and pushed out a sigh his brother’s way. Tommy was waiting in the kitchen, already lifting his arm up and fetching two glasses out of the cupboard. A bottle of whiskey followed. He let it down onto the countertop, and then glanced Joel’s way. 

Joel shook his head. “Not with her in the house,” He rejected, taking a seat by the kitchen table. 

Tommy opened the cabinet again to put the whiskey back, but mainly to hide the smile that curled over his lips. The last time he’d seen his brother, he’d been ten bottles deep, and numbed by however many pills. Now, he wouldn’t even touch it. And it was because of Ellie. For her. 

Tommy’s heart soared a little inside his chest. He stuffed it down after, trying not to get his hopes up. He still didn’t know what his brother was doing with a little girl. “Joel,” He started, taking a seat across the table from him. “What’re you doin’ with her?” 

Joel bowed his eyes down. He listened after, heart softening at the fast thud thud of Ellie’s footsteps through the floorboards. “It ain’t my place, Tommy,” He denied quietly, though his lack of a real answer was more telling than if he’d just explained. 

Tommy sucked in a breath. He pictured Ellie’s little face in his mind then, and felt his heart soften at what he now knew she’d probably been through. Christ, she was so young. “Jesus,” He commented quietly. Joel nodded quietly in agreement, not saying anything more. “I reckon you found her then?” 

“Without a scrap on her,” Joel recounted softly. “Shakin’ like a goddamn leaf.” 

Tommy frowned. “Jesus,” He repeated again, sighing. It made sense now, why Ellie had been staring at him all day like he was going to throw her. Still, she hadn’t looked at anyone else like that, only him, and the brand on his arm. It lingered in his mind. “So, what, you took her out of the goodness of your heart?” There was doubt in his voice. 

Joel just nodded. “She was so small. I couldn’t leave her there.” God. Now that he knew Ellie, the memory of her curled up as small as she could make herself, bare and trembling beside the body of a half-naked man, inside that gas station was like a dagger. He wished he could’ve been there sooner. Hell, if he could go back and take her from the second she opened her eyes, he would, not a second to hesitate. “I knew it’d be safe for her here. And I was comin’ anyway, tryin’ to find you. So, I took her with me. Didn’t think twice about it.” 

“So, that’s it?” Tommy shrugged. “Your job’s over now?” 

Joel’s expression flared just at the suggestion. “She ain’t just cargo,” He denied, frowning. “I’m all she’s got. And she was all I had, too. I know your wife may turn her nose up at it, and I know she could do a whole lot better, but that kid’s all I care about, Tommy.” The confession flew out of him. “I just want her to be happy here. Give her everything she needs. Who knows? Maybe she could just be a kid again.” 

His heart squeezed at that thought. 

He hoped so. 

Tommy studied Joel, his heart lifting in his chest despite how he tried to fight against it. “You look happy,” He commented, testing the waters almost. 

A soft breath fell out of Joel’s lungs. “It’s because of her,” He murmured. “Haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since I saw her. Dumped my pills out in a river somewhere near K.C.” He brushed his thumb over his watch’s broken face. “She’s more important.” 

Anything good in the world rotted with Sarah when Joel buried her. 

And then Ellie came along. And she brought his will to live back with her. He had to get up each morning. He had to feed them. He had to keep her safe. He had to show up. There was no other option. It all came easy after that. 

She was his sunrise. 

“She’s a cute kid,” Tommy agreed softly.

Warmth spilled through Joel’s face. “You’ve got no clue,” He smiled. “Pretty sure that girl could tell you every star in the sky. She’s so smart.” 

Ellie listened from the top of the steps, the meek smile on her face hidden behind the tops of her knees. She’d grown so used to belt buckles, dark, lonely closets for days on end, grown adults hitting her with their whole weight when she was just a toddler. Joel was so completely different. He was so nice. And this was their home now. And she was safe here. And he wasn’t leaving. 

“There’s a place for you two here,” Tommy uttered from the bottom of the steps. “We have a school. Ice cream. Democracy. This place actually works, Joel.” 

Ellie smiled against her knees, excited. 

She could be so happy here. 

Ellie was glad when Maria and Tommy left. 

Too much new in one day. New faces, new people, so many people. New things. She hadn’t even known what a radiator was until today. Right now, she’d actually take just Joel and her out there beyond the walls, a campfire in between them, the cushion of their sleeping bags underneath. But their new house, just the two of them, was a nice alternative. 

Joel was cooking something. The smell wafted over towards the couch, where Ellie was curled up, waiting. “Dude,” She drew his eyes away from the stove. She was crouched down in front of the T.V now, inspecting the cabinet underneath. “We have a movie box.”

Joel chuckled. “You mean a DVD player?”  

Ellie glared back. “Yes.” 

Joel kept on smiling. “We do have one,” He agreed. “Why don’t you rummage around and see if we’ve got any disks to go with it?” He listened to the corresponding clatter of Ellie rifling through the cabinet, his eyes set on the steaming pan of chopped meat in front of him as she did so. “Find anythin’?” 

“ Dude, this one has a dinosaur on it.” Ellie held the box up, grinning. 

Joel watched softly. She sounded like such a kid. We’re gon’ be okay here, he realized quietly, his heart squeezing at the thought. “I was hopin’ to show you that one,” He commented. “Tommy liked it when he was little. It’s all about dinosaurs, I think you’d really love it.”

Joel expected now the little flinch that came with Tommy’s name. He registered it, but didn’t say anything. Ellie had been doing it all day. He made a note to ask her about it after he was done cooking. “Can we watch it?” 

“If you can figure out how to get it in there,” Joel drawled, smiling. Ellie turned her back to him, determined. 

By the time that Joel was crossing over the dining room, two steaming bowls of food balanced carefully in his palms, Ellie had finally managed how to figure out how to put the disk in. She watched the DVD player swallow the disk up, fascinated. 

Joel watched as he sat back on the couch, smiling. There was so much more he could give Ellie here. “Be careful,” He warned as he passed over her bowl. “It’s still hot.” 

Ellie just smiled, and then curled up on the cushion beside Joel, letting her head limp down against his bicep. She’d never had anyone to care if she burned her tongue or not. He moved in, better supporting the weight of her head. She smiled, and then focused on the hot meal beneath her. “What is this stuff?” 

“Pastel de Choclo,” Joel answered. “My mama used to make this for me when I was your age. Probably didn’t do it justice-” 

“Dude, this is, like, the best food I’ve ever had,” Ellie interrupted, her bowl already half empty. 

A smile flickered over Joel’s lips, lighting up the rest of his face. “I’m gon’ take that as a competition,” He remarked. 

Ellie grinned. “You’re on,” She replied, voice muffled through a spoonful of meat. “You were speaking Spanish earlier,” She remembered now, still stuffing her face.

“I was,” Joel nodded. “Tienes salsa por toda la cara.” 

Ellie’s face lit up, impressed. “What does that mean?”

“I was born in Chile,” Joel fibbed, a smirk drawn over his lips. “My family came over when I was smaller than you. Tommy weren’t even born yet.” 

“That’s fucking cool,” Ellie gushed. 

Joel smiled. “You’ve got sauce all over your face,” He admitted finally, rolling his eyes when Ellie immediately smeared it away with her sleeve. “I’m gonna have to house train you,” He muttered against the top of her head, smiling as she slipped down on the couch and let herself lean a little closer into his side. 

“Good luck,” Ellie grinned. 

Joel chuckled against the top of her head. The sound fanned down over her, warm and strong, like his heartbeat against her ear. “Hey,” He nudged after a few minutes. She turned her face up against his shirt, spurred on by his sudden, serious tone. “I wanted to ask you,” He started, his voice soft, like a warning. She braced. “I noticed you were real jumpy with Tommy earlier.” 

Ellie dropped her eyes immediately. 

Fuck. 

“I don’t blame you,” Joel hurried, trying his hardest not to mess this up. “Lord knows you’ve been through hell. I just wanted to check in with you. It seemed like you were a little more careful around him than anyone else. I wanted to make sure he didn’t give you any reason for that-” 

“He didn’t,” Ellie interrupted, feeling the small breath that Joel let out in response. It was quiet after. He was waiting, because even if Tommy hadn’t done anything, there was a reason she was scared of him, and that was important to Joel. She knew it was. “You thi…” She closed her lips, an attempt to swallow up the memories threatening to rush out. 

Joel waited patiently. “It’s okay,” He encouraged softly, squeezing Ellie’s hand. 

Ellie felt conscious suddenly of Joel’s body, so much bigger than hers, so much stronger. Living under the shadow of her memories, she curled herself away from him, her eyes glued to her new fuzzy socks while she did it. He sat, unaffected. Whatever she needed to feel safe. 

“You think it was hunters,” Ellie began, her voice soft and distant. Joel listened loyally, giving her all his focus. “... the men.” She curled up tighter at the mention of them. He wanted to reach out for her, brush her shoulder, tell her it was okay. But it was more important to respect her boundaries. He stayed still, his eyes soft against her as he listened.

Ellie pouted. “Marlene was gonna take us outside the walls to some doctors,” She mumbled. “But then some smugglers she stole from showed up, and she got shot.” Her face seemed younger suddenly.  The movement of her breath in her lungs felt manual. She panted quietly, working herself through the memories. “She gave us over to these guys instead.” She swallowed.

“Fireflies.” 

Joel frowned. He didn’t need to hear the rest of the story. He could guess. Christ. No fucking wonder she’d been so wary of Tommy all day. The last men she’d seen with that same brand on his arm had broken her apart from the inside, used her like she was nothing more than a body for their own pleasure. His stomach twisted at the thought. 

She’d probably been so triggered all day, and he’d had no clue. 

God. 

“I told Marlene to come with us,” Ellie continued, pouting. “I asked if we could just wait until she got better. But she took Riley’s gun, and then she sent us off with them.” Her features twisted together with confusion, and rage. She didn’t understand. “Her miracle cure. And her newest recruit.” She bit her lip, holding back the growing lump in her throat. “Riley was so young.” Her voice broke. 

Joel’s breath caught in his throat. “So were you, honey,” He reminded softly. The gentleness of his tone hid away the rage bubbling underneath. 

Fuckin’ Marlene. 

Joel wished she would’ve just given the girls over to him, and Tess. He would’ve kept them safe. 

Tess would’ve loved Ellie. 

“I didn’t even think when they tied our wrists up,” Ellie croaked, drawing Joel’s eyes back. She pulled her knees up and tucked them to her chest, a quiet warning of the approaching gravity of the memories. “I just thought they were running more tests on me. Like with Marlene.” She dipped her face down, embarrassed. “... and then they started touching us and stuff.” 

Her voice was so small. She was.

Joel could feel it clawing through him. He watched Ellie with dark, sad eyes, and listened as she told him whatever she needed him to hear, whatever she needed to say. 

“Riley tried to fight so hard,” Ellie remembered wetly. “They just got rougher every time.” She was peeking across the room like she was witnessing it all again, hugging her knees to her chest just like she had in that room. “I to… I told her to stop, Joel,” She whimpered. “... I told her to just listen to them.” She planted her face down into her knees, too ashamed to do anything else. “... who the fuck says that?” 

Joel shook his head. “Ellie,” He hushed, his voice soft. “Listen to me, you were scared, sweetheart. Like anyone would’ve been.”  She didn’t answer, only sniffled from her ball, still burying her face in her knees. “Look at me. Look at me, honey, hey.” He planted his palms against either side of her face, and then nudged gently until she brought her chin up. His gaze wilted against the tears in her eyes. “ Nothing that happened in there was your fault. I can’t imagine how afraid you must’ve been-” 

“ Riley wasn’t,” Ellie interrupted, pouting. “ She was the brave one. And they killed her, and not me.” 

“That is not your fault, Ellie,” Joel shushed. “You listen to me right now. Hey.” He brushed his thumb over Ellie’s freckled cheek, stroking away the tears underneath. She leaned in, pouting. “I know that girl was not just fightin’ for herself. She was fightin’ for you, too. If she could see where you are, that you’re safe and warm,” He pressed his palm closer to her face. “I know it would’ve been worth it for her. You make it easy.” 

A stream of tears spilled down Ellie’s cheeks. She pouted up at him, finally free of the overwhelming guilt on her shoulders after four months. Joel brushed them away behind soft eyes. “Come here.” 

As soon as Joel moved for Ellie, she all but pounced into him, burying her face deep into the safety of his neck. He held her as close as he could, and she snuggled in, content. “I appreciate you talkin’ to me, kiddo,” He praised softly, because it meant something to him that she hadn’t told him all of this a month ago but she had now. “I know it ain’t easy.” 

Ellie shook her face. “... you make it easy,” She stole his words. 

A proud smile claimed Joel’s face. He lowered his eyes, running the adoration in his gaze against the top of Ellie’s head. Finding her was the best thing he’d ever done, alongside making Sarah. 

Joel glanced over their bare house, already littered with the beginnings of a life, and vowed to fill it. He held Ellie closer. She snuggled in. “We’re safe here now, honey,” He vowed softly. “No more walkin’. No movin’ around. This is it.” She screwed her face into his shirt, and tried to make herself believe that. It was hard. She’d never had a home before. “I know it might take some gettin’ used to. I’ll be here for all of it. I promise.” 

Ellie bit her lip, swallowing down the sudden lump in her throat. “You’re so cool, Joel.” It came out like a whimper. 

Joel smiled sadly. He wasn’t cool. He just cared about Ellie, and he put her first, and it was too damn plain to see that she’d never had that before. Only dark closets and belt buckles and grown adults who laughed at her when she cried. He frowned at the thought, and then hugged her closer, a quiet vow. 

“This is home,” He murmured. “All you’ve gotta do now is just be a kid. Think you can manage that?” 

Ellie scooted her head up and down Joel’s shirt, nodding. “If you’re here,” She answered.

Joel’s heart squeezed. “Well, I ain’t goin’ anywhere,” He promised softly. Ellie snuggled closer in response, content, and then turned her face against his chest to peek out at the T.V beyond them. 

They watched their dinosaur movie. 

Ellie fell asleep hidden deep against Joel’s chest. He carried her up to bed, his grip gentle like he was holding the most precious thing in the whole world. He tucked her in for the first time ever, and made a mental note to find some dinosaur blankets to replace the current flower pattern that he knew she hated. 

No more roads. 

No more danger. 

They’d made it. 

This was going to be home. 

Everything was going to be okay. 

Joel couldn’t wait to wake up tomorrow.

Chapter Text

They’d only been in Jackson for three days, and still, Joel felt like he could think up every detail of the town library if anyone asked. Ellie would probably live here, if she could. There were so many books, and so few people. It was her designated hiding spot from the packed streets outside. He always tagged along. 

“I know it might take some gettin’ used to. I’ll be here for all of it. I promise.”

Ellie was going to know him as a man of his word. 

Like Sarah hadn’t. 

Joel picked his head up from the space book that Ellie had left him with and watched, smiling softly, as she bounded down the aisle towards him, an army of books cradled preciously in her arms. “Don’t run,” He tutted as she sat down cross-legged beside him. 

“Look at what I found,” Ellie gushed, taking the first book in her collection and then holding it right up to Joel’s face. He humored her, smiling again. She was so alive. Only three days in their new home and she already felt like so much more of a kid. He couldn’t wait for each new day. 

“Sally Ride,” Joel read the title, Ellie holding it up for him. “America’s First Woman In Space.” 

Ellie bobbed her head, her entire face lit up with the might of the smile growing over her face. “It’s for you,” She pushed the book into Joel’s hands, so much larger than her own. 

Joel chuckled. “You givin’ me homework?” 

“Uh huh.” Ellie sat straighter all of a sudden, performing a salute like a military officer. “ That better be done by the end of the week, cadet, or it’s two days in the Hole,” She grumbled, crossing her arms across her chest and pretending like a little kid. 

Joel managed to plaster a smile over his face. Meanwhile, every word Ellie had just said dove into his chest like a fist. It was so obviously something she’d been told that she was repeating now, probably by a grown adult, probably when she was barely anything more than a baby, probably something that had made her cry at the time. He only barely resisted the urge to pull her in and hug her, because she was none the wiser, and giggling still. He didn’t ruin it for her. 

“Look at all these pictures,” Ellie whispered, flattening herself down on the fuzzy carpet underneath and then perching her chin against the edge of her book. She stared out at the dinosaur illustrations underneath, content. “Did you know a lot of dinosaurs used to live in Wyoming? They found these fossils one time of this T. Rex and a triceratops fucking each other up.” 

“And now we live here,” She followed, smiling. 

Joel’s lips curled up. “Which one’s that?” He pressed his finger against one of the drawings in Ellie’s book, quizzing her. 

Her eyes followed. “Ankylosaurus,” She answered confidently, lips tugging wide into a happy smile. “He’s my favorite,” She confessed softly. 

Joel smiled too. “Why?” He wondered. 

Ellie’s smile blossomed into a grin. No one else had ever wondered about her before Joel. No one else had ever cared how she saw the world. No one else had even noticed. “‘Cause they were herbivores,” She murmured. “They didn’t hurt anybody. But they’d still protect themselves if anything ever came after them.” She watched him, and then plopped her chin down against her book again. “You’d be an ankylosaurus,” She realized, eyes set on the page. 

Joel’s heart softened. You’re everything, he thought softly, letting the fondness of his gaze loose against Ellie’s little face. She was so precious. 

“You’d be a T. Rex.” 

Her whole face lit up. 

Joel listened to Ellie explain the rest of the books she’d grabbed while they walked home. 

That night, they found a new place on the bookshelf he’d built her, still raw with sawdust. 

Joel was cautious with bringing Tommy around their first few days in Jackson. He wasn’t allowed in their house, a boundary that he had volunteered after suffering through a watered-down version of everything that Ellie had been through at the hands of men who wore the same brand that he did. He wanted to do it right, with her. Mainly because he was already so taken. 

That Sarah-sized hole inside of him was crying suddenly, begging to be filled in. Ellie sat there like a puzzle piece.

But he had to do it right with her. 

The house was Ellie’s place to feel safe. For Joel, that came first. If he let Tommy come inside, knowing how uncomfortable she was around him that brand on his arm, then that was gone. Her place to hide from all of the strangers outside, her sanctuary away from everything that she’d been through, it would be robbed away, like so much else. 

Tommy and Maria’s house was a middle ground. 

This was their first dinner over. 

Ellie sat as small as she could in her chair the entire night, her eyes set loyally on her plate, which she’d barely even touched. Tommy’s image sat across from her, blurry, but unmoving. Meanwhile, Maria and Joel struggled through a civil conversation. She just watched him, sort of melting underneath the pure understanding on his face. He wasn’t mad. But he didn’t not care, either. 

“-plenty of clothes over at the reuse center,” Maria’s voice cut in every few seconds, dodging in between the thoughts of the brand hidden under Tommy’s sleeve, and all of the nightmares that came along with it. “A lot of kids’ stuff. Plenty of space shirts.” 

Joel’s voice chimed in too. “Sounds right up Ellie’s alley,” He agreed, quietly missing her commentary. It was a quiet miracle, Maria and him managing to get along for her sake. “We’ll stop by sometime this week.” 

Tommy didn’t take up any space. The gentleness on his face was like an invitation, a gentle nudge for Ellie to do whatever she needed to feel safe around him. She could take as long as she needed. He just wanted her to feel comfortable. 

Underneath the table cloth, as Maria continued on with her verbal tour of Jackson, Ellie’s fingers were wound tightly around the fabric of Joel’s sleeve, like he was the only thing in the world she knew. She didn’t have to come tonight. He’d told her that over and over, offered for them to just stay home and put on a movie, but she’d wanted to. 

Tommy seemed cool. He seemed safe. And Ellie knew that Joel would never let anyone near her if they weren’t good. Also, he was Joel’s brother. Joel’s family. A part of her, all of her actually, wanted to believe that maybe that made him her family too. 

It probably didn’t. 

But she liked the idea. 

Plus, he wasn’t going anywhere. And as long as he was around, she was gonna have to deal with her shit. Better to get it done fast. 

“My brother told me you like old arcade games,” Tommy spoke suddenly, the softness of his voice hiding underneath Maria and Joel’s boring conversation. Ellie looked up at him, perking up a little bit like she would if Joel had asked that question, and then sinking again when she remembered she was afraid of him. The brand on his arm, more like. 

“I do,” She admitted, coy, cautious. 

The wrinkles beside Tommy’s eyes crinkled with a welcoming smile. Ellie melted a little. The smile had done its job. “You want to know somethin’ secret?” He went to lean in, but then stopped himself, conscious of his own weight, so much larger than hers. 

Ellie scooted forward, barely an inch. “What?” 

Tommy lowered his voice down to a whisper. “... I’ve got a whole collection of old video games in the dresser over there,” He whispered, shadowing his lips with his hand like he was letting Ellie in on some big, dark secret. She barely kept the smile that wanted to flicker over her lips. “... don’t tell Maria,” He shushed after, like he wasn’t sitting right next to her. “... she don’t like clutter.” 

A smile managed to grace Ellie’s face. “I… I could take them off your hands,” She volunteered suddenly, perking up a little in her chair. 

Tommy chuckled. His laugh was warm, strong, safe, like Joel. Like Joel’s. “How noble of you,” He returned, smiling. 

Ellie smiled too, shy, and then settled. 

He wasn’t anything like the other Fireflies. 

And Joel wouldn’t let anyone bad near her. 

She knew both of those facts. Her body, with all of its memories, was still catching up, though. 

“Can I play one?” 

Ellie turned her eyes over to the living room, finding the dresser that she now knew contained Tommy’s hidden stash. She missed the way his eyes lit up in the meantime. “You bet you can,” He agreed quickly, trying not to sound so damn ready to leap for a chance to get to do something with her. “C’mon. You’ve got the pick of the litter.” 

“What’s a litter?” 

Joel’s eyes followed Ellie and Tommy as he led them to the couch. She perched herself atop the cushion furthest from his, but still smiled a little when he passed over an old game controller. Her thumbs found the joysticks, and wandered contently as he set it up. 

Joel watched, his heart squeezing inside his chest. 

Ellie shared glances in between the racing game in front of them and Tommy on the other side of the sofa. It was kind of funny, how hard he was trying, still while losing. Badly. He was in eighth place on the screen, and she was right up in first, smiling behind the peaks of her knees with a glee that a kid should wear. Joel watched from the dining room table, peace written over his face. 

“You know you can use that thing at the top of your screen,” Ellie pointed out, so comfortable with her lead that she was just watching, amused, while Tommy struggled from the bottom half of the T.V. “The little bomb.”

Tommy slated his gaze down to the remote in his hands. Ellie watched, entertained with his confusion. He didn’t really seem like a grownup, just a big kid. It was disarming. 

“The big button on the back,” Ellie pointed, leaning closer to Tommy, not even realizing. She tapped it, and then they both lifted their eyes up, watching a cartoon explosion fan out over the split T.V screen. 

Tommy smiled. “Thanks,” He chuckled. “Last time I played these games was with Sarah,” He admitted, unconscious to the fondness hidden inside that sentence. “She used to whoop my ass silly at this stuff.” His smile flickered. “It’s been a few years,” He added, his voice a little softer now. Rawer. Yearning. 

Ellie glanced over, sympathetic. It was a personal thing to say. And he trusted her with it. She settled again, the stiffness in her limbs melting gradually. “I could let you win,” She volunteered suddenly, smirking. “I guess.” 

Tommy grinned too, and then chuckled. “How noble of you,” He repeated gently, not blind to the cushion of distance that had disappeared since the game began. She snuck in an inch as he booted up the second game, trying to hide past his notice. A smile tugged under his mustache. She was so Joel’s. Just like Sarah. 

“My mom was a Firefly.” Ellie admitted halfway through their next game. Tommy’s eyes danced over, his attention snared, meanwhile, she refused to meet his gaze, suddenly very dependent on the game that she was destroying him in. 

“She was?” Surprise painted Tommy’s voice. Ellie couldn’t blame him. Here she was, so damn afraid of that mark on his arm, and her mom had borne the same one. She hadn’t even told Joel that.

“Marlene’s best friend,” Ellie doubled down, tucking her knees in a little at that name. 

Tommy felt his heart shift. He could see how just the sight of this kid caught his brother. She was cute, and knew everything about space, and dinosaurs. Also his top suspect for the growing collection of missing comic books from the town library that he kept hearing about. 

“What’s her name?” Tommy pushed gently. 

“Was,” Ellie corrected flatly. “And…” She tucked her chin away against her knees. “... I don’t know.” Her eyes hid across the room, and then their game, because, God, was that fucking sad. 

  A fact Tommy’s face reflected, followed by a wave of determination. “Marlene’s best friend, huh?” He drawled, resting the game controller down on the couch and then settling back against the cushion. Ellie peeked over with curious eyes, watching him as he racked his brain. “Reckon she looked like you,” He murmured. 

Ellie watched. “Don’t know,” She repeated, offering a limp shrug. 

“Anna.” The name jumped out of Tommy’s mind before he could catch it. Ellie stared up at him in its wake, her eyes and ears hungry for more, even if she didn’t realize it. “Anna Williams,” He repeated, surer now. “Yeah. Marlene’s right hand.” Her eyes lit up. “Had that little nose of yours,” He added, reaching out and pinching the end of hers before she could jab away. 

Despite herself, a giggle slipped out from Ellie’s lips. “Anna,” She repeated, playing the name out on her tongue. “Did you know her?” She asked, scooching forward on her cushion until she was waiting eagerly beside him, fuzzy socks prickling at the edge of his jeans. 

Tommy nodded. “I knew her-” 

“What did she look like?” Ellie interrupted, forgetting any distance again. “Did she really look like me?” 

Tommy smiled, his eyes soft against the excitement on Ellie’s face. He was fast to realize that he was the only thing between her and the only information she’d ever have about her mom. It made him eager to remember as much as he could, for her. “She had dark hair, like yours,” He began. She hung onto his every word, the game controller dangling from her wrist long forgotten. “And her eyes were big and brown-” 

“Like mine, too,” Ellie finished softly. 

Tommy smiled. “Yeah,” He agreed. “I didn’t meet her too many times, but when I did, she always fought real well.” Ellie listened, hanging onto every word. “If we were in a pickle, she’d always be the last one with me. Can’t think of any man who was any tougher than your mom.” A grin flickered over her lips. He smiled at the sight, glad to have put it there. “Y’know what? We had an arcade machine in our station. She beat me silly with it a few times, too.” 

Ellie giggled, and then clenched the game remote in her own hand, like some piece of her mom was hidden inside; like the switchblade waiting for her back home across the street, its tip dug into the wood of her dresser. 

“I didn’t know her too well,” Tommy prefaced again. His tone was sorry, like he wished he could somehow go back in time and get all new memories with Anna, just so that he could tell them all to her daughter. “But I’ve got some stories.” 

“Can I hear one now?” Ellie pushed, interrupting the offer Tommy was about to make. He just smiled warmly, and nodded.

Ellie listened to a lullaby about her mother, narrated in a gentle, southern drawl not unlike Joel’s. The distance that she’d surrendered in between Tommy and her disappeared gradually as she settled in against the cushion he shared. He amused himself with each of her little questions and interruptions. 

“One time, we were in F.E.D.R.A lockup-” 

“What’d you do?” Ellie interrupted, painting a smile over Tommy’s face. 

“Commented on the wrong soldier’s face,” Tommy drawled. His eyes softened with the giggle that followed. “He looked funny!” He defended himself after, only because he knew it’d make her laugh again. Immediately, that sound was tattooed on the inside of his heart, just like it had been his brother’s.  

“What’d my mom do?” Ellie wondered after, waiting. 

“ She knocked the guy out,” Tommy gossiped. 

Ellie grinned wickedly. Cool, she thought, pride written over her face, for a woman she’d never known. 

Tommy continued with his story. Eventually, he felt Ellie’s head begin to lull down on his shoulder, not that she really noticed. tilted onto his shoulder, not that she noticed. She was still hanging so tightly onto each word that escaped his lips, hungry for each new gifted detail about her mother. Before long, she was dozing off, falling deeper and deeper against his bicep, and the warmth and safety that he brought now. Like Joel. 

Tommy’s brand was long forgotten.  

It was like it’d been burned off, gone forever. 

All that was left was him, and him was cool. And nice. And safe. Warm. A protector. All of the adjectives that seemed to come along with the Miller brothers. 

By the time that dinner was over, Ellie was fast asleep against Tommy’s shoulder, the smallness of her face tucked into his bicep, her game controller still hanging from her wrist. He lifted his eyes away from her face as Joel approached, though the softness stayed behind in his gaze. Joel returned the look with a matching fondness. 

“... you found the best one, huh?” Tommy whispered, not a stranger to the fondness in his chest. There was a little girl buried somewhere in Texas, and old pictures around the house, that had claimed it too. 

“...cuéntame sobre eso,” Joel returned. He let the moment sit for a few more minutes, both brothers listening to the peaceful sound of Ellie’s little breath pushing out against Tommy’s shirt. Eventually, he lowered himself down, scooping his arms under her legs and arms. “... time to go,” He whispered down as he lifted her up, meeting the brief crescents of her eyes. 

A mumbled attempt at Joel’s name slipped out in response, and then a tiny yawn, followed by more peaceful breaths. 

Joel sent out a prayer that he could see Ellie this peaceful forever. “... let’s get you home, kiddo,” He whispered. 

Tommy’s eyes trailed after his brother. And his niece.

He watched them disappear into the house across the street. 

The stairs groaned under Joel’s weight as he carried them up. Ellie stirred briefly at the noise, but only cuddled deeper into his arms once she opened her eyes and saw him. She’d never been carried to bed before. This was nice. 

“... my mom’s name was Anna,” Ellie whispered as Joel laid her down into her bed. She whispered the word again right after, like it was gold. “... she looked like me,” She added, a drowsy curl tilting over her lips. 

Joel smiled at Ellie’s excitement. “That’s nice, kiddo,” He returned, his voice soft with the lateness of the hour. 

“... Tommy knew her,” Ellie continued, her voice a gush. “... he told me about her,” She added after, perching her chin down on the dinosaur plushie that Joel tucked into her grip. “... one time, they got stuck in F.E.D.R.A lockup together. She broke them out.” A grin flickered over her face. “... showed those fuckers who’s boss.” 

Joel smiled. “I don’t like that face,” He teased, making Ellie giggle. “No escape operations from you anytime soon, little miss. Hm?” He waggled his eyebrows at her, and she giggled again. 

“... no promises,” Ellie returned, disappearing under her blankets. “... Tommy’s cool ,” She concluded, muffled. 

Joel smiled. “Goodnight, kiddo. Have good dreams.” The top of her head peeked up again as she fell asleep. He watched softly for a few more minutes, and then turned away towards the door, allowing himself a brief glance around her room on the way. 

It looked like a lot more of a kid’s room than it had two weeks ago. Still bare-ish, spaces littered around the dressers and desks waiting to be filled with more of a life, but it was a good start: 

Ellie’s growing collection of t-shirts stuffed her dressers, even with winter approaching. Her ‘purple-as-fuck’ coat hung over the door, which was plastered over with a poster about martians that they’d pawned off the librarian; Ellie was convinced they only managed because the librarian had a crush on him, something she hadn’t let him live down for the rest of the day. 

Her bookshelf was growing heavy. 

They were building a life here. 

Two weeks in Jackson became a month. 

Maria thought Ellie should go to school. Maria thought a lot of things. 

Joel wasn’t so keen on pushing that on Ellie. They were still new to town. New to somewhere this safe, in her case. All the crowds still made her nervous. Not to mention, the images that she’d given him about everything her last school had put her through were fresh in his head. All he had was scraps, and still it kept him up at night. He tortured himself imagining everything she hadn’t told him. Thirteen years’ worth of F.E.D.R.A. There was probably so much. 

Joel let Ellie be the one to decide about school, despite Maria’s comments about that. The only rule he laid down was that they’d at least go and take a look before she made her mind up, much to her pouting. 

As soon as they stepped into the linoleum, locker-dressed hallways, Ellie’s grip on Joel’s hand tightened tenfold. He spared a softening glance down to the sudden paleness of her face, half debating leading them right out of here and to the safety of their home. But he wanted her to at least test the waters. 

“I could give you a look around the classrooms,” A soft, kind voice called over from the other side of the hallway. Ellie’s teacher, maybe, depending on how well this visit went. With the little, tense fingers coiled tightly around the edge of his shirt, Joel kept his hopes low. 

“That’d be great,” He agreed gently, giving Ellie’s shoulder an encouraging squeeze before leading them down after her teacher. Mrs. Ryan, he suddenly recalled. 

Mrs. Ryan stopped them in front of a classroom door. It was paved over with brightly lit construction paper; deep blues and bright whites were cut into little snowflakes to celebrate the nearing season. A friendly snowman waved from the bottom of the door, a black, paper smile paved over his face. 

Ellie stared at the door, bewildered. She’d never seen anything on classroom doors other than rules, carved into the wood with a knife that’d probably been dug into her, too, at some point. This place was so colorful. The teachers were all soft-spoken and kind-looking. She felt like she was on Mars. No. She felt like she was on Earth, and she was from Mars. 

She didn’t belong here. 

The school. 

Jackson, too? 

“Ellie.” A gentle nudge led her eyes away from the colorful door and up to the safety of Joel’s face. “Hey. You got any questions you want to ask your teacher here, kiddo?” His voice was soft, completely patient. He’d lowered himself down to her level, letting his weight lean on his old knees even though they ached, making himself a martian too. 

“Anything you’d like to know,” Mrs. Ryan encouraged gently from her door. “I can’t imagine how different this place probably is from what you’re used to.” 

Joel sighed, agreeing. He watched Ellie’s eyes tiptoe through the open door beside them and then into the classroom. He wondered what she was looking for. “There’s no Hole,” She commented quietly, answering his question and also breaking him in two with just three words. 

“There ain’t,” Joel agreed passionately. “Nobody is putting you in any box here, Ellie. No one’s gon’ hurt you. I swear.” Ellie turned and found his face, unsure. 

“But, if they don’t hurt you, then what happens when you do something wrong?” 

Ellie’s voice was so sure, and so young. It speared into Joel’s chest and left his heart hanging behind him. He just swallowed, fighting suddenly to push down the lump in his throat, and the sudden homicidal urges tugging at his fingers. Thankfully, her teacher stepped in. 

“If you do something wrong,” Mrs. Ryan began, softening her voice and also lowering himself down to Ellie’s level. “Then we’ll have a discussion about it, so that we can avoid it next time.”

Ellie scrunched her nose up, unconvinced. “But what if it’s really bad?” She was fishing almost, waiting for a ‘ we’ll hurt you,’ but it didn’t come. 

“Maybe we’d involve the council,” Mrs. Ryan shrugged, unsure, like it’d never even gotten to that point before. “Listen, Ellie. It’s really important for me to know, and I’m sure for your dad, too, that you know that no one here is ever going to lay a hand on you. We absolutely don’t tolerate cruelty against students. Children. If anyone ever tried, you could come to me, or any grownup, and we would put an end to it immediately.” 

Joel shuffled quietly beside Ellie, and tried not to focus on how his heart soared at the label he’d been assigned. Pride raced through his chest. By his side, she didn't say anything either, only held on a little tighter to his shirt. Again, his heart moved. 

“Okay,” Ellie agreed reluctantly. She still didn’t sound totally convinced. 

She just needs time, Joel reminded himself, pushing out a slow breath. He was pretty pleased with this visit, all things considered. 

Mrs. Ryan lowered her eyes to her watch suddenly, still knelt down in front of Ellie’s face. “It’s half-day right now,” She announced softly. “How about you go on to the cafeteria and sit with the other kids until lunch lets out? You could get a good feel for how things run, and your dad and I could talk a little more about school. Nothing you can’t hear about after.” 

Ellie clenched her grip around Joel’s shirt again. He almost smiled at the feeling, suddenly remembering Sarah’s tiny hands, hugging onto his leg like hell her first day of school. Tommy had cried as much as her. “That sounds like a good idea,” He tested the waters. “What do you think, kiddo?” 

Ellie felt annoyed that she agreed. “Okay,” She forced her fingers away from the safety of Joel’s now-wrinkled shirt. “You really won’t leave?” 

Joel shook his head. “Cross my heart.” 

He watched Ellie disappear down the hallway, under the influence of a new type of helplessness that he hadn’t felt in twenty years. 

Please let them be nice to her. 

“Mr. Miller,” Ellie’s teacher called him back over. He nodded, and then started after her, trying not to feel the goneness in his chest. It was like the first time he’d dropped Sarah off at daycare. What the hell did he do now when she wasn’t here? Little brat, he thought affectionately, getting him all attached. 

Ellie clung onto the edge of her sleeves as she tiptoed into the cafeteria. It was so loud. She felt smaller at the sound, and all of the kids. At least two hundred, all packed into one room. Lined tables filled to the brim decorated the cafeteria, no place left for her. She tiptoed back now, much preferring the quietness of home. 

“Hey!” 

Ellie’s eyes darted back halfway through her escape attempt, and locked onto a smaller table set in the very back of the cafeteria, near where she was. A girl was perched down on top of the table, smiling. She had dark, thick hair, and a pretty nose. Her eyes were amber. There was a boy next to her too. 

Ellie felt her cheeks burn on sight. Don’t be weird. She forced her face to settle, and then tiptoed over as the girl waved her over. 

“Hey,” The girl repeated, smiling still. “You look lost.” 

Ellie’s cheeks burned again. “I’m new,” She excused. 

“Welcome,” The boy chimed in, plastering a dumb, friendly grin over his face. He had dark black hair, and a pale face. He was tall. “My name’s Jesse. This is Dina.” He nodded her way. “What’s your name?” 

“Ellie,” She answered, hands hiding deep inside her pockets. The burning on her cheeks wouldn’t go away. She couldn’t help it. Dina was so pretty. 

Dina smiled again. She glowed. “Do you wanna sit with us?” She stretched her arm out, gesturing to the wide array of seats left at their table. 

Ellie let out a breath. “Please,” She answered, taking shelter from the busy cafeteria and hiding in one of the many empty seats waiting beside Jesse. He felt really safe. Like Tommy, kind of, but bite-sized. 

“So, how long have you been in town?” Dina began, picking at the apple slices on her lunch tray. Jesse reached over to steal one, and she pushed him away, smirking. “I don’t think I’ve seen you.” 

“Like, a month,” Ellie shrugged. “There’s so much shit here. I’ve never had a T.V before.” 

Jesse smiled. Beside him, Dina frowned. “Just you?” She pushed. There was a gentleness to her voice, empathy, almost. Had Dina come here all by herself? That was what it seemed.

“No,” Ellie shook her head. “Me, and my… my…” She let the word that she wanted die on her tongue, unsure if she was allowed. 

Jesse found it. “Your dad?” Ellie felt herself nod. “I think I’ve seen him around. He hangs with Tommy, right?”  

“Tommy’s his brother,” Ellie nodded. 

“Oh, shit. So he’s your uncle?” A smile lept over Dina’s face. “Tommy’s really nice.” 

Ellie sent out a quiet prayer of gratitude to Tommy for making her cool by association, and she also didn’t correct Dina, just like how he hadn’t corrected Jesse. “He’s cool,” She agreed. 

“He’s in charge of the stables,” Jesse chimed in. “We help out there. We’re working after school today.” He smiled suddenly, and so did Dina beside him. “You should come by,” They both volunteered. 

Ellie smiled. A following image of the horse that she had met her first day in Jackson, Callus, rushed through her head. She missed him. “Okay,” She agreed. 

Dina and Jesse both grinned, which made Ellie smile again. The anxiety in her chest that had spawned as soon as they entered this school was melting away with each nice look they gave her. She’d never had more than one friend before. 

Ellie was excited for the stables. For the next day. She was still getting used to that. 

Joel watched the smile on Ellie’s face as they walked home, a curl drawn over his own lips. She looked happy. It was all he’d wanted, the entire time they’d been walking to Wyoming. After Sam, after Henry, after finding her in that gas station, after every night she’d woken up sniffling: all he’d wanted was for her to be safe, warm. He wanted her to have a home. Them. 

And now she was smiling. 

“What are you smilin’ about?” Joel teased softly, squeezing Ellie’s hand. 

Ellie smiled, and then stared down at the ground, refusing to admit the sudden burn on her cheeks. “Nothing,” She offered a brief jab. “Just, like… life.” 

Joel felt his heart squeeze inside his chest. 

He could live here forever. 

Chapter Text

It’d been two months in Jackson. More than half a year now since Joel had found Ellie nonverbal on the side of the road. December was beginning to take over the town, leaving the buildings blanketed in white and the fireplaces roasting in every home. Holiday decorations followed closely behind. 

Ellie was perched in front of their fireplace, her eyes watching the flames with wonder. Meanwhile, the sound of pots and pans drifted over from their kitchen; Joel, no doubt, making them something mouth-watering for breakfast. Eating three meals a day came easy here with him cooking; even if it was just grilled cheese before bed, everything he made was always the best she’d ever had. Her stomach growled now in anticipation. 

Ellie had never been warm during winter before. She was so used to F.E.D.R.A’s old, shitty dorms, and their fossil-like heaters. She remembered shivering almost to death under her single blanket every single night. Sometimes Riley would slip into her bed for body warmth, or vice versa, and they’d shiver together. Her cheeks burned at the memory, the reaction making her think of Dina. 

It was warm in Jackson. 

Their home, and Tommy and Maria’s. The nursery there now, waiting for the unborn baby inside Maria’s stomach to fill it. Ellie’s room. Joel’s room, on the few nights when she’d get a really bad nightmare and he’d let her sit with him until she fell asleep. Even the floors were warm. The blankets, too, and the beds. It all felt so safe. She smiled and tucked her cheek down against the top of her knees, happy. 

“Hey.” Joel brushed his palm over the top of Ellie’s head all of a sudden, leading her focus away from the hearth and instead to the plates he was juggling in his hand as he sat back onto the sofa. “Breakfast.” She felt her stomach growl again, and then hurried up into the spot beside him, stealing one of the plates out of his grip. 

 “Easy,” Joel chuckled, lifting his arm up and allotting Ellie a space to settle in against his side. A moment after, he stole the plate back out of her grip, and then replaced it with the larger one. She was still probably only eighty pounds soaking wet. He’d been trying to adjust that over the last few months, but, unsurprisingly, stubbornness seemed to radiate off of her, so he was still fighting. “How’d it come?” 

Ellie smiled up at Joel through a mouthful of eggs, a sight he could replay with another kid of his . “Charming,” He drawled, just as he had then. She finished the scene without even knowing, and giggled, then kept on eating. 

“You finished all your homework for tomorrow?” Joel remembered after their plates were emptied and sitting on the coffee table. Their eyes lazily watched the DVD they’d left in the T.V from the night before. 

“Last night,” Ellie answered fast. “Fractions.” 

Joel tried not to frown. Ellie finished her homework days before it was due. Every time. He wondered what she was so afraid would happen if she missed it. There’d been multiple nights so far where she’d keep them both up until midnight, almost silent, until all her sheets were filled out. Those were some nights where she’d sit in his room until he carried her to bed. 

Still, school was definitely easier than it’d been two months ago. Ellie had stopped flinching each time a teacher handed her something, as he’d learned in parent-teacher conferences. It made him proud, to fall under that first word. It also made him sad, that new progress they’d made. She was such a good kid. His kid . 

“You need any help with the… the science?” Joel drawled, itching to put a smile on Ellie’s face. It worked. 

“I know not to ask you,” Ellie giggled, spreading a faux expression of dramatic offense over Joel’s face. 

“Hey.” 

“Tommy told me you guys blew something up once for one of your science fairs!”

“It was a mockup of Pompeii,” Joel defended himself fiercely, making Ellie laugh again. “Did he tell you that? Historically accurate, might I add.” Her face lit up with her smile. He shadowed. He was such a cheeseball. Sappy old man. 

“What was the lava made of?” Ellie pushed, amusing herself with the image blooming in her head. 

“Tomato sauce,” Joel admitted, muttering. A bubble of giggles burst immediately underneath him. He smiled and rolled his eyes, and then took the blanket laid over them, pretending to bury Ellie. She laughed even louder, and then surfaced, smiling. The sight softened him. He could live in this moment forever. 

Joel didn’t patrol outside the walls. Unlike Tommy, and most of the other men, grownups, for that matter, in town. The few times he’d gone, Ellie had barely spoken to him the following days.  He didn’t blame her. They’d walked so long to be safe here. If she chose to go out every damn week, putting her life at risk, he’d be mad too. Also, he’d promised her he wasn’t going anywhere; he didn’t intend on breaking that promise. 

Joel made himself useful at the construction sites inside the walls. Funnily enough, even after the world ended, everyone needed contractors. 

Joel set his eyes against the new patch in the wall. They couldn’t lay new wood over any of the gaps until winter ended. All of the lumber was soaked and frozen stiff, impenetrable until spring. So, they laid new beams against the gates that would help hold if anything pushed. It made him nervous, even if those walls had been standing for fifteen years straight. 

The drills that Tommy had started enforcing in response to his brother’s anxiety made Joel feel better. Not to mention, the patrols had barely seen any infected for the last two weeks. Nothing was going to happen. Jackson was untouchable. And Joel did have anxiety. He wasn’t a stranger to overblowing shit. He’d taken medication for it before the world fell apart. Now, he just worried too much. 

“Making a mountain out of a molehill,”  Tommy called it. Joel chucked and played along every time. He definitely didn’t mention the walls to Ellie. She thought it was safe here. It was, but it meant a lot to him that she had that promise. She was just starting to let her breath out here. He wasn’t going to make her hold in again. 

The drills were kind of scary. 

But Tommy and Maria said it was all just for practice. To be safe. So Ellie didn’t think about it. Plus, finding a random hiding spot as soon as the alarms went off was kind of fun, like the town was all one big game of hide and seek that even the grownups took part in. 

Today’s alarm went off while she’d been helping out in the stables, as she had been for the last month. 

Joel would always hear around town now how helpful Ellie was every time anyone saw him without her. Everyone thought she was his kid, and he was her dad, and neither of them ever heard about the other correcting anybody, so he got used to hearing what a good job he was doing, and she got used to people telling her she didn’t look a lot like her family. 

The horses all loved Ellie, especially the mares that everybody else spooked. It reminded Joel of the flower she hadn’t plucked outside Bill and Frank’s. He knew she saw herself in the scared ones. She was so gentle with them. They were gentle back. It was that easy. And it meant she was helping break in the horses now. 

Tommy watched from the edge of the pen, his arms crossed proudly across his chest. He panned his gaze away from Ellie, and the supposedly wild mare underneath her, then watched the line of three middle-aged men, supposedly his best stage hands, standing by watching, their expressions sour from the last hour of being bucked off.

“Y’all can walk on home,” Tommy announced, sharing the same, prideful smirk that Ellie was wearing as the three of them trudged away. She passed by him on the edge of the fence, the reins tied slack around the saddlehorn, and accepted the fist bump that he offered up. 

Ellie turned her eyes back down to the mare as they kept on trotting, offering a gentle brush of her mane. The horse snorted, content, and perfectly calm. You’re just tired of old men riding you. Even if she only thought it, she felt like the horse could hear her; it snorted in perceived agreement. 

Ellie pressed her lips together into a thin pout, and then leaned forward and draped her arms delicately around the mare’s neck, offering a hug of understanding. Tommy watched, his arm hanging over the fence. Fondness hung in his dark brown eyes. 

“Tommy!” He looked away for a second, and caught Dina’s face through one of the stable windows. “Where does this go?” 

Tommy narrowed his eyes, recognizing one of the saddles held up in Dina’s grip, no doubt supported by Jesse, hiding underneath the frame of the window. “Hang it by Bullseye’s pen,” He asked, smiling as Dina dropped out of sight. His bite-sized workers. They were better help than anybody else, though, and Joel wasn’t the only one who liked to see Ellie have friends. Good ones. 

A siren broke through the peace of the moment. The call of another drill. 

Tommy reacted with casual urgency, annoyance more than anything, until he heard the whinney of a horse behind him. His eyes raced behind him just in time to catch the last few seconds of Ellie tumbling to the ground, the mare rearing above her. Hooves crashed down by her head, missing by mere inches. “Ellie!” 

Tommy was over the fence in less than a second, and made the distance of the riding pen disappear even faster. Ellie was curled up on the dirt, hiding her head between her hands, meanwhile, the horse kept on stomping above her. “Shit,” His breath was lost under the sound of the siren. He managed a grip on the reins and then tugged the mare away, handing her off to Jesse, who’d come running. 

Ellie accepted the hand that Tommy lowered down. He didn’t pull her up right away, instead knelt down in front of her, glancing over for injuries. “You hit your head?” 

Ellie shook her head. “She just got freaked out,” She dismissed, clapping the dirt off her hands. 

“Nothing hurts?” Tommy triple-checked. “Nothin’ bleedin, missin? Everything’s still in the right place?” 

Ellie rolled her eyes, but smiled. “Yeah,” She began. “But your face is killing me.” A shit-eating grin erupted over her face. 

A huff fell from Tommy’s lips, followed by a chuckle. “Yeah, you’re okay,” He decided, tugging Ellie up to her feet with his hand as he stood. “Go on and hide with your friends,” He nudged her along. 

“Are you gonna count?” Ellie teased. 

Tommy smirked. “Go on, you little shit.” 

Ellie grinned, and then disappeared behind the barn doors. She found two oversized piles of hay waiting for her, and smiled again. She dragged her breath in suddenly, pushing out a shrieked, sharp series of clicks. Jesse’s head burst out from his hay pile, alarmed.

“Dude,” Jesse sank down again, slackened eyes hiding behind a patchy wall of straw. 

Ellie laughed. “I’m gonna eat you,” She warned casually, gathering a collection of hay and then disappearing inside her own little pile. The alarm continued on outside, still deafening. Out of nowhere, she caught a stray foot to the ribs, and she groaned. “Ow,” She announced, smiling still. 

“ Sorry, ” A muffled voice rang out from the other corner of the pen. Dina emerged, hay running down from her long, dark hair. Ellie smiled at the sight of her, and how she was practically buried, much like herself. 

“ Can you guys shut up? ” Jesse peeked out again. “There’s supposed to be a horde of Infected outside, remember?” 

 “Yes, sir,” Dina saluted. “Hey. If there was really a horde, wouldn’t we wanna be running by now?” 

Ellie shook her head. “‘The main street would be the worst place to be,” She corrected, painting her voice with a southern twang. “Joel, like, actually quizzed me on the fucking drill plan.” Hide. Wait for a grownup. Him. Don’t come out until the alarms stop. If she wasn’t so against hurting, she would want to be out there if there ever was an emergency, instead of hiding like cattle. But she wouldn’t have to worry about that. 

Dina smiled. “That’s cute,” She remarked.

Ellie didn’t argue. She just offered one final smile, and then disappeared completely into her hay pile, like a submarine. 

Even Jesse laughed. 

“How do you know how to do this?” 

Ellie glanced over the familiar surroundings of Joel’s room. Like her own, it’d gotten fuller over the last few months. He’d hung some of her drawings up, which made her heart feel all heavy and weird, but in a nice way. A few books from the library decorated the dressers by his bed. Clothes from the reuse center packed his closet, like hers. Garland and string lights were strewn around, waiting for the coming holiday. 

“Sarah loved to have her hair done,” Joel answered softly, drawing Ellie’s focus back to the gentle fingers moving behind her. He hadn’t tugged once. He was so careful. “Can’t tell you how many types of braids I learned for that girl.” There was no complaint in his voice, only fondness. “Tommy, too, a few times.” 

Ellie giggled. Joel smiled at the sound. “I’m not girly,” She remarked suddenly, feeling the need to defend that for a reason she couldn’t place. 

“I know,” Joel promised, smiling at Ellie’s feistiness. “But if your hair gets in your face, you become a little demon.” He prodded her teasingly with his spare fingers, and then watched the smile erupt over her face. “Sarah wasn’t all girly, either,” He added now. “You should’ve seen her after her soccer practices.” A wide smile tugged over his lips. “I swear to God, I’ll never know why they made those uniforms white. My poor washin’ machine.” 

Ellie giggled. “She sounds cool,” She commented delicately. 

Joel’s eyes softened. “She was,” He agreed. “She would’ve loved you,” He added after, making Ellie’s heart squeeze. She’d never been worth loving before. But Joel thought different. Clearly. “I bet y’all would’ve been good friends.” 

Ellie nodded her head. 

“Don’t move,” Joel interjected, saving the braids in her hair. 

Ellie stilled. “I bet we would’ve been,” She agreed. 

A happy look painted Joel’s face. After a few more minutes, he pulled away, and then gazed down at the neat pair of french braids lining down Ellie’s brown hair. “There you go,” He announced, brushing the top of his palm over her head. She smiled under the contact, then shook him away like a wild animal, making him chuckle. 

“Can I stay in here for a little bit?” Ellie pressed, watching Joel sit back against his pillows. 

“You okay to sleep?” Joel worried. Every other time Ellie had stayed with him, it was because she’d had a rough day, or because she’d woken up wet-faced from a nightmare memory. 

“Yeah,” Ellie crashed down beside Joel. He watched her, amused. “Just don’t wanna go yet.” 

Joel smiled. “That’s alright.” He settled down, and collected one of his ‘assigned’ space books from the dresser. The lamp cast a dim, gentle light over the warm room, as well as the pages. He lifted his eyes up from the paper briefly and smiled down at the bite-sized, Ellie-shaped ball by his feet. He tossed over a blanket, smiling at the little giggle that rose up in response, muffled. 

When Ellie dozed off, Joel scooped her up, and carried her to bed. She wasn’t so skin and bones anymore, the result of living off a full stomach, probably for the first time in her life. She’d have it forever now. He’d make sure. 

Joel let Ellie down in her bed, his pace delicate. He dragged her space-themed blankets up afterwards, sealing her away from the cold December air. The collection of comic book posters hanging up around her room now watched over her for him. So did the scarce collection of framed photos on her desk: 

A picture of Ellie’s horse, Callus. Only she was allowed to ride him and feed him now, a favor from Tommy. It bought some cool uncle points for him, and it also guaranteed she’d show up to the stables every day, and keep seeing her friends. Joel got such a kick out of her having them. Tommy liked seeing it. 

A polaroid of Joel, and Ellie grinning right beside him, presumably. It was taken over their shoulders. The main focus of the shot was the television screen in front of them, displaying a clear game of Mario Kart, in which she was completely kicking his ass, as she had his brother, who sat defeated in front of the couch. 

A final photo of Ellie and Dina and Jesse, all wearing grins. Joel smiled at that one. They looked like kids. She looked like a kid. It was all he wanted for her. 

Joel fell asleep smiling. He’d been doing that a lot lately. 

Ellie was at the stables again the next morning. Joel had walked her there before he left for the construction site down the street. Her hair was tucked into her hat, still cradled in the same braids he’d made for her the night before. She brushed her fingers over the edges as she started to scoop out each of the pens, her nose wrinkling up at the stink. 

Callus’ head appeared over his pen. Ellie smiled, and brushed her palm down his snout, abandoning her shover. “Good morning.” He stared back at her behind big, brown eyes. It felt like a conversation. “You wanna go out later?” She bobbed her head, and then smiled to herself when he followed. “First, I’ve gotta shovel your shit, though. Okay?” 

Ellie returned to her shovel and wheelbarrow, her hands warm behind the gloves that their neighbor had made her for Christmas. Dina and Jesse weren’t here yet. Tommy was probably just getting back from patrol. She didn’t mind being alone, though. She liked the horses, and they liked her back. 

Then the siren started again. Another drill. 

“Oh, shit.” Ellie let the shovel down fast, and then started down the aisle of pens, offering a comforting brush or a gentle shush to each of the horses that were spooked. She ran her palm over the same mare that had bucked her off a week ago, meeting its eyes. “You’re okay,” She promised gently. “I’m here.” She always stole Joel’s words when she was thinking of how to talk the horses down. 

A new sound joined the siren. A bell, clanging back and forth with an urgent pace. 

Ellie turned her face away from the horses. She felt herself swallow. That was a new sound. For the drills, but also for Jackson. It was so fast. It sounded panicked. She swallowed again. 

Hide, Ellie repeated what she was supposed to do in her head. But right now, she just wanted Joel. She spared a final glance over the horses and then grabbed at the latch of the barn door. 

Immediately, a body pounced through the gap, painted with frost and snow and topped with fungal plates that burst out of its cranium. 

“Fuck!” Ellie lurched back just in time to avoid the arm that jutted her way, its fingertips blackened with frostbite. The clicker recovered fast, and lept forward again, scattering a storm of hay in its wake. Her hand raced back and found the tool rack behind her just in time to send a pitchfork lurching into its face. The clicker stopped in its tracks, stealing the handle out of her grip in its tumble. 

“ Fuck,” Ellie huffed. She tiptoed back from the growing pile of blood. It’d been so long inside the walls, she’d almost forgotten what gore looked like. She tried not to see Henry and Sam in it. The horses whinnied around her, panicking again. 

Not Ellie. Think, She shook her head fiercely, like she could literally expel any fear and shock out of her mind and replace it with focus. Joel. Her face darkened with determination. Tommy, Maria. If there were infected out there, she had to find them, use herself as a fucking human shield if it came to that. Her family. Those words in particular kept coming. 

Ellie didn’t let herself stop to think about how the siren wasn’t a drill anymore, because it’d just slow her down. Still, as soon as she pushed through the doors, she stopped, because the single clicker that had broken into the ranch seemed like a joke suddenly. It was fucking mayhem outside. 

A dark ring of smoke was billowing over the walls, like everything beyond them was on fire. Ellie squinted and realized people on the rooftops, sending gunfire down at the horde. The horde. Bodies of infected bustled through the main street, tackling anything in their sight. It’d been filled with kids and holiday decorations and music ten minutes ago. What the fuck had happened? 

Ellie turned her eyes down the street and found the wall. The imprint of a massive fucking body was left in the wood, fungal plates silhouetting the top. Infected spewed through it, filling the streets. Tommy was on the wall today. Wasn’t he? Fuck. She swallowed, an attempt to send away the cold rush of panic building inside her ribs. The safety of home was broken, and the real world had found her again. Vacation over. She’d been stupid to think it wouldn’t be. 

“Ellie!” She turned her eyes up, searching. “Ellie!” Maria stared down at her from the roof of the butcher’s shop, a rifle clutched in her hands. “Get inside!” 

“Where’s Joel?” Ellie shouted back up, ducking her head down and dodging the runner that Maria quickly put down from the roof. 

“Get inside now!” You’re grounded until you’re ninety, Maria’s tone translated. Ellie ignored it, and her, and then raced her eyes over her surroundings, searching through the horde for either Joel or Tommy. They were out there in the danger somewhere, and here she was, her flesh a perfect shield. “Ellie!” Maria yelled after her when she left the corner of the street behind. 

Ellie turned her eyes down each alleyway that she sprinted past. She relied on the shooters on the rooftops to get past the runners and the clickers. Growling was coming from somewhere close. Deep groans, like an actual monster. She headed towards the sound, knowing immediately that wherever the biggest infected was, she’d find Tommy. He liked looking cool. 

And he liked keeping people safe. 

Plus, Joel wouldn’t be anywhere else but keeping him safe, if he wasn’t with Ellie first. 

Ellie chased the growling down to an alleyway, in between the pediatrician’s office and an old outfitters store. The footprints in the snow that she was following consumed her own. She held a breath, and hoped that Joel and Tommy really were down this way, and that she wasn’t just leading herself to her own very violent death. She hoped. 

A pair of hands planted suddenly against Ellie’s shoulders, so fast that she couldn’t see the face they belonged to. The brick wall of the alley met her back as she was shoved aside. Her eyes caught Tommy’s in the same glance that he spared her way. 

“Ellie-?” 

Tommy stopped short. Joel slammed into him a second later, almost toppling them both with the force that it took to stop. The anger that began to claim his face disappeared completely when he realized Ellie. Explicit relief took its place. “Ellie,” He panted, catching the back of her head against his palm and pulling her close. In the seconds that followed, the anger washed back. “What the hell are you doin’ out here?”

Before Ellie could even open her mouth, another growl gurgled from the other end of the alleyway, and Joel tugged her back out of his chest. “You stick to me like glue.” He held her eyes. “Do you understand me?” She nodded. He swallowed her hand in his own. 

Another growl rumbled from the other end of the alley, closer this time. “Joel,” Tommy warned, loading two casings into his shotgun. 

“Stay behind me.” Ellie didn’t have the time to argue how it should be the other way around. The monster on the other end of the alley showed itself. Her eyes widened. She’d never seen an infected so big. The monster was at least seven feet tall, and as wide as a bull. Fungal plates and frost coated its entire body, protecting anything delicate inside. It growled again. It sounded like an earthquake. 

“Holy shit.” 

Tommy and Joel’s eyes both raced back. They glanced in between this monster and the carnage on the main street behind them, trying to decide which direction held a better chance of all of them coming out of this alive. Ellie, most importantly. Meanwhile, she was watching the bloater’s teeth, prepared to jump right in front of them. 

“Move!” 

Three pairs of eyes raced up and found Maria’s face hanging over the roof’s edge, then sank down to the burning Molotov waiting in her steady hands. 

“Move,” Joel and Tommy repeated, lurching back and pushing away a non-existent Ellie, who was already gone to the street edge. 

A shower of flames claimed the bloater as Maria dropped the bottle. The immediate stench of burning flesh filled the alley, followed by gurgled screeching. Ellie wrinkled her nose, watching, while Joel and Tommy waited in front of her, their shotguns drawn in case the fire didn’t do the job. 

The bloater managed one final limp forward as it died, and Tommy fired a load into its face, blowing away what little fungal protection remained. It collapsed down after, and lay in a spreading pool of ash and blood. 

Joel breathed. “Christ.” He lifted his hand behind him, capturing Ellie’s again, and then turned around to see the main street. Tommy followed. The scores of infected had thinned down. Someone had managed to get to the kennels, and scores of flesh-eating dogs were now pouncing at anything that moved. Joel watched one of them sink its teeth into a runner. In seconds, it’d been ripped to pieces. He turned Ellie’s eyes away. 

The worlds had crashed, the one where she’d just been a kid for the last three months, and the one they’d been safe from, the one where she’d seen a man kill himself right in front of her eyes because she’d lived. The one where Joel had found her on the side of the road, shaking without a scrap on her, half-dressed grown men piled around. 

“Are you okay?” Joel pressed his palm against Ellie’s cheek and glanced over her, searching for bites or scratches or anything. He tried not to hear how hoarse his own voice was. 

Ellie nodded her head, making sure not to break her face from the gentleness of Joel’s grip as she did so. She performed the same search over him and emerged, content. “I had to come looking,” She pouted as she claimed the place under his arm, remembering the anger in his voice when he’d first seen her. “I’m not sorry.” 

Joel sighed. “I ain’t mad,” He shushed. “I’m sorry I raised my voice.” Ellie settled her face against his shirt, quiet. He frowned down at her. “I just thought you were safe somewhere. It scared the hell outta me, to see you with that thing right there.” He turned his eyes back over his shoulder and paled again at the charred corpse behind them. He’d never seen one that big. 

“I know,” Ellie mumbled, because she’d been just as fucking scared. She wouldn’t have been two months ago. But after living behind these walls for so long, she’d almost forgotten what it felt like to watch Joel almost die. She hadn’t even. Danger had just been far away for too long. It was like she had no tolerance for it anymore.

“We’re okay,” Joel returned. He brushed his fingers over Ellie’s temple, tucking away the strands of hair that’d escaped her braids. She snuggled closer, daring to smile. We’re okay. His heart was strong and steady against her ear, and so not bitten or dead. Tommy, too. There was warmth in his face. And Maria-

“Look out!” 

The words lept from Ellie’s lungs before she even processed the image of the clicker lurching for Maria as she stepped off the ladder to the roof. Her next actions didn’t have much thought, either. She jumped away from the safety of Joel’s chest and claimed Maria’s place, letting her arm fill the sudden absence between the clicker’s teeth. 

“ Ellie! ” 

They crashed. 

It took longer than it should’ve to kill it. 

Joel and Tommy both barely stopped themselves from firing off their shotguns. The shrapnel would tear through Ellie just as much as the clicker with her right under it. Maria was the one that ended it. She sank her knife down through the clicker’s skull, so deep the tip peeked through from the other side, bloody. 

“... oh, shit,” Ellie panted, mere inches beneath it. 

“ Ellie .” Joel ripped the body off of her, sinking down to his knees by her side and offering his hand as she struggled up. “Did it get you?” He draped his gaze over her wrist, frowning at the blood that he found. “Christ.” 

“It doesn’t hurt,” Ellie lied. “I’m fine.” She already knew she was gonna get a lecture for this. They’d talked before, about her using herself as a human shield. What a shocker, Joel wasn’t open to the idea.

Joel wasn’t angry yet. He could see the wince on Ellie’s face. That was more important. “Give me,” He reached his hand out, waiting. She passed her arm over with a pout, and watched him tie a cloth over the newest bite in her collection. She winced when he squeezed. “Sorry.” His voice was soft. 

Neither of them noticed Tommy and Maria gaping over Joel’s shoulders. 

Finally, Maria staggered forward, drawing Ellie’s gaze. Her expression softened at the tears billowing in Maria’s eyes, and Tommy’s beside her. Jesus, they looked so sad. She almost felt dead, just sitting under their gaze. “I’m fine,” She sat right up, unbothered. They very clearly didn’t believe her, only thought she was crazy. 

“Ellie, what did you do?” Maria pressed a hand against her stomach. She swore she felt a kick underneath. Her other hand flew in front of her face. She turned her eyes to the side and found Tommy’s eyes. They were both silent. 

“Joel,” Ellie asked. She seemed more exhausted than anything, like she couldn’t bother to explain this again. 

Joel offered a brief look of amusement, and then turned his focus back to his brother and his sister-in-law. Tommy was staring down at him with the most potent expression of sympathy, like he was ten minutes away from burying another daughter. It took the breath out of him for a second, until finally he managed to spawn words. 

“She ain’t gon’ turn,” Joel promised, his voice so even that it must’ve scared some ability to hear him out into Tommy, who was thinking of nothing more than watching his brother fall apart in a field somewhere. “She’s immune. Tommy.” 

Tommy forced a breath down into his lungs. “What… what?” The only word he could manage. 

“What?” Maria repeated beside him. 

“I’m immune,” Ellie repeated, like they were both stupid. Joel knocked her gently at her tone. 

Tommy wasn’t any less confused. He pinched his fingers against his browline, and then emerged again. Maria stared beside him, still peeking out from behind her hand. “What do you mean you’re immune? Immune to what?” 

Ellie’s face slackened. “To the flu,” She announced. Joel knocked her again. “It’s not my first bite.” She tugged her sleeve up now, wincing only because of the temperature. “They’re old as fuck. See? I’m totally fine. You guys can stop crying.” 

Tommy inched closer to get a look. He kept Maria back, and the bump along her stomach, then turned his attention to the three little bites along his niece’s Ellie’s forearm. They were all faded and old; healed instead of fungal. He tried to make his mind keep up with the sight. “What the fuck?” He rubbed his palm over his face, squinting. 

“How long have you known this?” Maria pressed. 

“Like, six months,” Ellie admitted. 

Maria turned her eyes over to Joel, seeking out the same answer. “Since Boston,” He replied. 

Tommy’s eyes dulled. “That’s what Marlene wanted with you,” He realized. Weight spilled into his face. It made everything he knew about what Ellie had survived so much worse. 

The weight had taken Ellie’s face too. “She thought that whatever happened to me could make a cure,” She mumbled, taking a sudden interest in the snow under her feet. 

Maria sighed. “Cover those bites up,” She realized finally. 

Ellie complied. “Don’t fucking shoot me,” She sent back her own demand.

Joel sent over a look. As he did so, he realized a face hiding on the other end of the alley. Seth. He worked construction, too. His face paled. Ellie’s eyes followed, and then hers did, too. Tommy and Maria’s behind. 

Seth pulled his gun. Joel shot to his feet and pulled Ellie behind him so fast that she got whiplash. “Move aside-” 

“Seth,” Maria began. 

“Put your gun down,”Joel interrupted, growling. 

“She’s bitten-” 

“I’m not gonna fucking turn,” Ellie barked. She tried to peek her face out from behind Joel’s body, but he didn’t even let her squirm. His arm kept her behind him, hidden, safe. 

“Sure, you won’t,” Seth agreed. 

Ellie rolled her eyes back into her head. 

“Seth,” Maria asked, pushing aside the wall that Tommy had made himself into and stepping forward. “Lower your gun. Now. ” Her tone was strict, and meant business. Even Ellie felt intimidated by it. She glanced over from behind Joel, kind of proud. “She isn’t going to turn.” 

“She’s bitten,” Seth repeated, waving his gun around before jutting it towards Ellie’s arm. Joel’s entire face reacted. The anger in his eyes radiated heat. “Have you all lost your minds?” A crack rang out over the alley, no doubt another bitten person, put down like a dog in the street. “Everyone else seems to get the idea.” 

Joel’s brows hung down, angry. “Lower your fuckin’ gun.” Ellie’s eyes snuck over. She’d never heard him curse like that before. It seemed to scare Seth into compliance, along with Maria’s town. He grimaced, and then holstered his pistol. 

“I’m trying to keep us safe,” Seth speared Ellie with a point of his finger. All three of the other grownups all glared at him. “It’s only a matter of time.” 

“I’m not gonna fucking turn,” Ellie complained again. 

Seth shook his head, disapproving. “How about you watch your language?” 

“Don’t tell my kid what to do,” Joel warned. Ellie’s eyes jumped over again. She felt something move in her heart, like it belonged somewhere suddenly. 

More faces appeared suddenly in the entrance to the alley. More eyes that took in the sight of Ellie’s bite, and then Joel cradling her behind him. Seth rose up. “She’s bitten!” He pointed, just in case they didn’t fucking see. 

“She’s not going to turn,” Maria announced to the sudden crowd. “She’s immune!”

Ellie grimaced before that word even slipped out of Maria’s lips. No. She cringed, and then planted her face into the back of Joel’s shoulder, her insides on fire suddenly. Fuck. It wasn’t as scary to have everyone think she was just going to turn. To be something different? Something rare? That was so much more dangerous. 

Fuck. 

Fuck, fuck. 

Fuck. 

Ellie wasn’t surprised when a hand she didn’t recognize yanked her out of the alleyway. Not Seth, just another face that she couldn’t discern from his. “Ellie!” She sent her eyes back, searching for Joel’s face, or Tommy’s or Maria’s, though almost immediately, they were lost in the crowd. Her eyes caught glimpses as she was dragged, other faces with bites on their arms or legs accepting their fate, followed closely by the crack of a gun. 

“ Joel, ” Ellie didn’t even realize that she called for him. He did, though, and in an instant, the grown ass man dragging her through the street was in the snow, and she was hidden safely behind his frame. 

“ Joel,” Maria started. 

The surviving members of the Council, other than Tommy and Maria, glanced over from their places beside Ellie’s escort. Joel met each of their gaze’s, completely ready to put them in the ground. His face reflected that. “She won’t turn. You ain’t gon’ drag her. She’s a fuckin’ kid-” 

“She’s dangerous!” A new voice chimed: someone from the crowd that had formed, a diminished imitation of Jackson’s typically bustling streets. Whoever had survived the bloodbath. 

“She’s immune,” Another one corrected, repeating Maria’s exact words. Ellie winced. Maria had just been trying to help, keep a bullet out of her head. But, fuck. There was a mob around them now, all of them aching for a glimpse of the immune girl, maybe a cure to the massacre still littered all around them. 

Confused murmurs traveled over the crowd. 

“Look at her arm!” Ellie pulled her sleeve down, trying to hide behind Joel’s frame. “She has more bites!” 

“They look old,” Another voice gasped softly. It sounded like her fucking teacher. 

A collective wash of interest spread over the crowd. The entire town was still in shambles from the horde. 

Joel spared a glance over the dozens of faces. He recognized their neighbors, men and women he shared construction sites with, Ellie’s goddamn teacher. Supposedly the same people that adored his kid, and now they seemed half a step away from stealing her away, like she was nothing more than a 4’11” vaccine for them all to snort. 

“What if she can fix the people bitten?” 

“Her blood!” 

“What if she turns still?” 

Ellie grabbed onto Joel’s arm, like he was the only stable ground for miles. 

“We should tie her up!” 

Joel’s expression exploded. Tommy and Maria lurched at that too. “She’s eighty fuckin’ pounds,” Tommy began.  

“We’re not tying anyone up,” Maria finished, her voice carrying the calmness that the situation required. Ellie hid silently behind Joel’s arm, and hung onto every word that came out of every mouth. She could feel her own body, stiff like cement. “She’s a child like anyone else’s here. And this place is supposed to be better. ” That reminder seemed to shake some sense back into the crowd. They felt a little less like a mob. 

“Ellie is immune.” Murmurs spread over the crowd like fire. “We can all discuss it as a community after today. None of us are in any state to be making decisions right now. For tonight, she should be able to sleep in her own bed. This has been a hard day for everyone, especially our children.” Maria tracked down the remaining members of the Council, and then shrugged. “Should we vote on it?” 

Ellie was squeezing Joel’s hand tight enough to bruise. She didn’t even realize. Too busy watching the vote. She tracked each hand as it flew up. One, then three, then five. She didn’t even realize she was holding her breath until it was decided she could go home for the night. She let the air out, and then tucked her face into the side of Joel’s shirt. She felt people watching her as they passed. She tried not to feel it. 

The council people escorted them home, along with a few neighbors trailing curiously behind. Maria and Tommy were on their toes, wary. The entire town had seen bites on Ellie’s arm. Immune or not, it was dangerous. 

Joel was appreciative when Tommy and Maria volunteered to sleep on the couch. 

“What are they going to do in the morning?” Ellie listened to Joel’s voice echo up the stairway as she changed into her pajamas. His voice was so quiet, like she wouldn’t hear him if he tried hard enough. He wanted to make this any easier. Today had already been scary, the wall breaking. He just wanted to take her home, and tuck her into her own bed, and make her feel safe, like every other parent in Jackson was probably doing right now. Safe wasn’t happening. For a while. 

Joel breathed out another rush of anger. 

“They’re going to want to vote on it,” Maria frowned. “Obviously, Ellie’s… of interest.” She cringed at her own wording. 

“That’s so fucked,” Tommy shook his head. Maria bowed her eyes over, glaring, and reminding him of Ellie, who they all knew was probably right upstairs, listening, intentionally or not.  “Sorry.” 

Ellie decided she didn’t want to go back downstairs. The murmured discussion continued on as she retreated to her room. She hesitated in front of her bed, daydreaming briefly of just disappearing under the blankets, before opting for the comparative shelter of her closet. She sat in a ball in the furthest corner. The darkness reminded her of the Hole. It felt familiar, which almost made it feel safe. 

Plus, Ellie always did most of her thinking in the Hole. It felt easier in here. 

I just wanna leave. 

That was the sentence Ellie couldn’t let herself say. They knew. All of the faces around town. They all knew now. How many men? She felt completely bare again, tied up in a dark room by her wrists and just waiting for someone to come along and fill it, and hurt her. She wanted to go somewhere without people. Somewhere empty and quiet. 

Home didn’t feel like it anymore. 

Another thing stolen. 

“Ellie?” Joel’s voice traveled from down the hall. He searched his bed first, and then appeared under her door. His eyes cast over the empty bed. In his defeat, he caught a glimpse of her, hidden under the hoodies and t-shirts hanging in her closet; they practically shared one now, with what a little thief she was. His heart sank. “Ellie,” He repeated, approaching. “What are you doin’ in here, honey?” 

Ellie met Joel’s eyes. “It…” It feels safer in here. “... I think better,” She mumbled instead, turning away. That other sentence felt too pathetic. 

Joel’s expression softened. He sank down then, and claimed the place across from Ellie. She found his eyes in the darkness; there was a thank you in her face that she wouldn’t say. Before long, she hid it down into her knees. “ They all know, Joel,” He made out. “ I hate it.” 

“I know,” Joel sighed. The warmth of his breath filled the closet. It was heavy, and familiar. He smelled like the coffee he loved so much. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”  A little fire of warmth pitched in the bottom of her stomach at that name, but soon it was washed over by the memories of the mob today. Were they outside? “I won’t let anything happen to you. You know that, don’t you?” 

Ellie tried to believe Joel. Really, neither of them knew what was gonna happen tomorrow, and he was just trying his hardest to make her forget that, because she was just a fucking kid. And she’d thrown herself in front of that clicker like it was nothing. For Maria. For the baby in her belly. Tommy’s kid. 

“Maria and Tommy wanted to say thank you,” Joel proposed, unsurprised at the immediate hum that Ellie gave. Tired, it translated. She just wanted to hide here. “Okay,” He agreed gently. “I’m proud of you.” 

Ellie furrowed her brow, her face still hidden in her knees. “ I thought you hate it when I do that,” Her voice rose up, muffled. 

The wrinkles beside Joel’s eyes creased with an attempt at a smile. “I do,” He stressed. “But you protected somethin’ precious today. And you saved Maria’s life.” He crossed over to her side of the closet, their backs both against the wall. She gave herself a few seconds, and then snuck into the place under his arm. He smiled. “You make it real easy to be proud.” 

Ellie’s lips tugged apart. She stuffed down the tears that wanted to rush out. “No one’s ever told me that before,” She admitted, refusing to hear her own sniffle. 

Joel winced like Ellie had hit him. “Well, I have now.” She snuggled in closer in agreement. The silence was starting to hang over them. The aftermath of everything that’d happened today. 

That crowd had been so fucking big. So much bigger than her. 

And so hungry. Every pair of eyes pushing and races for a glimpse at the bites on her arms. Scattered questions thrown around about how they could take it. 

“Her blood?” 

Joel pushed away the tension he could feel starting to run up Ellie’s body. “Hey,” He lowered his hand and managed to guide her face out of his shirt. He pressed a knuckle on her jaw and led her eyes over to his. “I won’t let anything happen to you.” I’m here this time. He didn’t say that, but she heard it. She inched closer to him, looser underneath the shroud of darkness the closet gave, before snuggling in again. 

“... there’s other Fireflies here, Joel,” Ellie whispered, like someone could hear and scream it to the crowd that she imagined still waiting outside. “... what if everyone figures out about the doctors out west?” She made herself smaller under the blankets. “... they already wanna bleed me on fucking Main Street.” 

Weight shadowed Joel’s face. “That’s not happening.” Ellie didn’t surface. She didn’t know if she believed him, and she was so tired of being a cure. It’d been fun, being a kid for a little bit. It felt over now. “Hey.” He tilted her chin up, making their eyes meet. “We’re gon’ be okay. No matter what happens tomorrow, I swear. What’s the worst it can be?” 

Ellie tried a shrug. “Human sacrifice?” 

Joel found her eyes. She tried to make herself smile. It didn’t work. “... I just thought it was different here,” She mumbled, looking down. So fucking stupid. 

Joel felt his heart sink. He lowered his chin and pressed a kiss down against the top of Ellie’s head. That was the first time he’d ever done that. She let herself settle in. “I’m right here. No matter what they try ‘n decide. It doesn’t matter.” He offered his hand over. She took it, and played with his fingers, so much rougher than hers. They’d killed more. “I’m not going anywhere. Stuck like glue now. You’re gonna hate it, y’know. Gonna have me until I’m in diapers.” 

Ellie managed a smile. “You mean you’re not already?” 

Joel chuckled. “Okay, you little brat.” Ellie giggled, underneath the weight of his arm. It pushed a smile over his face. That sound was everything to him, especially after all today had been. 

Ellie snuggled in completely after that. She let her head down on top of Joel’s lap. He took a jacket crumpled up on the bottom of the closet and draped it over her, scaring away the cold. He let his fingers down after and ran them through what remained of her braids. Dark, wavy hairs ran out. He started to redo them. Maybe it could make it feel like they were in yesterday, and not today. 

“Joel?” 

Joel hummed gently in acknowledgment. His fingers continued gently through Ellie’s hair. She felt her eyelids getting heavier. She was so warm. She felt safe here. That felt like a blink-and-you-miss-it type of thing again. She tried to make it last. 

“Am I a bad person ‘cause I don’t want to do it anymore? The cure?” 

Ellie felt Joel’s fingers pause in her hair. She held her breath. “Ellie.” He said it like there was an obvious answer. She waited, unsure. “You’re a good person, honey. A good kid.” Her chest tightened again at that praise, even if he gave it out so often. He knew how much she loved it; needed it. “Don’t let anybody tell you any different.”  

“If it was anybody else but me,” Ellie started, refusing to sit up or look anywhere in Joel’s direction. This felt so pathetic. “If it was those people today-” 

“But it ain’t,” Joel shushed. “Look at me.” He planted his hands against either of Ellie’s shoulders and forced her to sit up and meet his eyes. “You do not owe anythin’ to anyone. You went through hell because of those bites.” She looked away. “None of those people out there get to tell you what to do with them. No one does. No one but you. Do you understand me?” 

Ellie sank down a little. “I just don’t wanna do it.” She hated how she was whining. “I don’t wanna go back to them again. And fucking doctors. I don’t trust Marlene-” 

“You don’t have to give me a reason,” Joel shushed. Ellie pouted up at him, half-convinced. “You don’t have to explain yourself for anyone.” He clasped her cheek. “You got that?” 

Ellie tried a smile, despite the tears spilling down her face. She felt Joel’s thumb swipe across her cheek and brush them away. “Aye aye,” She managed after. He smiled. 

Joel let them sit back again. Ellie laid down and claimed her place against his side once more. He let his arm hang down over her. She cuddled in. “You don’t owe the world anything,” He whispered down. “You’re just a kid. That’s all you’ve gotta be. For me. For anyone.” 

Ellie curled up under her makeshift blanket. “Are you sure?” 

Joel’s heart pained. “I’m sure.” It almost hurt more when Ellie relaxed. He could feel her relief. It killed him, to think she’d been worrying herself sick over this. “You’re a good person, sweetheart,” He repeated the promise. “You’re a good kid. I promise.” 

Ellie’s eyes watered. She bit down on her lip, and held herself still, trying not to make a noise. Joel watched, his eyes soft. He started to braid her hair again. “It’s all gon’ be okay.” Her head started feeling heavy. “Rest your eyes now for me, sweetheart.” He started to hum. His voice vibrated through his chest, settling her down.

She fell asleep to the sound of his voice. 

When Ellie woke up, she was tucked into her bed. Her eyes waited against the peek of sky she could see through her window. What was outside waiting for her? Nothing worth getting up for. She scrunched up underneath her blankets, content with the warmth. Knock, knock, knock against her door. She sank down at the sound, not blind to the fact that any peace to be had today, maybe for a long time, was already over. 

Ellie sat up and met Maria’s face in the doorframe, just remembering now that Tommy and she had slept over last night. 

“Town meeting’s at nine,” Maria tried to smile. She failed. 

Ellie stared back. She could hear Tommy and Joel’s voice echoing up the steps, and the smell of something cooking. Pancakes. Her favorite breakfast food. She guessed that wasn’t a coincidence. “What do you think they’re gonna decide?” She pressed. 

Maria frowned. “I don’t know, Ellie,” She admitted. She glanced over into the hallway and then stepped forward. Ellie’s mattress sank under the sudden, added weight. “I’m so sorry for all of this. I don’t know much about your history with Marlene,” The squeak that the mattress gave as Ellie shifted split Maria’s sentence into two. “But I can’t imagine it’s much different from everything yesterday, and today. This is supposed to be your home. Your community. And to see them like that yesterday-” 

“Is this supposed to be making me feel better?” Ellie interrupted, leaving the glassiness in her eyes unclaimed. 

Maria tried a smile. It failed. “You took that bite for me,” She reminded them both. She turned her face down, and pressed either of her palms against the visible bump underneath her shirt. She could feel what was waiting for her inside. A smile fought its way onto her lips. “You saved my baby. Our baby. You can’t know what that means to me.” She looked down the hall. “Joel can.” 

Ellie’s eyes shined. “It’s not that big of a deal,” She reminded Maria. She felt like the Pope right now. She’d read about those guys in a book one time. “I can take it. Remember?” 

Maria’s eyes crinkled with a smile. “I know,” She nodded. “But that doesn’t make it anything less.” She lifted her palm from her stomach and found Ellie’s hand instead. She squeezed gently. “You’re a part of this family, Ellie. Like anyone else in this house.” Ellie blinked away the sudden heat in her eyes. “We’re not going to let anything happen to you.” 

Ellie tried to smile. It turned out something like that, maybe a little sadder. Maria offered one in return. “Why don’t you get dressed and then meet us downstairs?” She brought her hand away. Ellie managed to stop herself from reaching for it. “Tommy worked real hard not to burn anything.” 

Ellie smiled. “Okay.” 

Joel watched one of his own hoodies make its way down the steps. He tried to smile, and then set down a plate by Ellie’s spot at the kitchen table. She had one of those. “Get some food in you,” He pressed his palm against her head before he turned away. 

Ellie scooted closer to Tommy’s spot as she ate. He watched, attempting to carry the joviality he always did. It was hard this morning. He could already see crowds of people moving towards the town hall through the windows. There were going to be a lot of opinions today. A lot of people, hungry for the cure sitting beside him, all five feet of her. 

The town hall was so big.

Ellie felt so small. She let her eyes travel over each of the seven council faces that were going to be deciding what to do with her. Tommy offered a soft look under her gaze. Maria, too. It reminded her to breathe. Whatever these people decided, it’d happen. She’d learned that after calling this place home for the last three months. It felt like she was tied up inside that gas station again, waiting for strangers to decide with her life. Would they kill her? Worse? 

Ellie waited anxiously. Joel's arm was settled around her shoulders. He was sitting as close as he could next to her, trying to fight the quiet panic that’d claimed her face as soon as they walked in here. Their pew was completely empty except for them. No. Dina was smiling over from the other end. She was trying her hardest to cheer Ellie up. It was a tough job right now. 

Every other bench was filled to the brim. Mainly men, a fact that Ellie very much noticed, and a handful of women, the general makeup of Jackson. She felt every one of their eyes waiting on the back of their head. It made her so uncomfortable. She curled up and pulled her knees to her chest. Joel frowned beside her. He sat closer, trying to block her as much as he could. It didn’t really work. 

“Good morning,” Their eyes both jumped ahead at the sound of one of the Council members’ voices. It wasn’t Maria or Tommy. A man, somewhere in his fifties. “Obviously, this is going to be a hot topic.” His eyes grazed past Ellie, and her arm. She swallowed. “Let’s all keep in mind that we’re talking about a child here. Not just what she could offer.” 

A brief look of gratitude washed over Joel’s face. Maria’s and Tommy’s too. “If I could start-” 

“Sorry,” Another woman interrupted Maria. She looked over, frowning. “I have something I’d like to share. I think it’s important information before we begin.” 

Everyone around the room shared glances. The woman didn’t talk, only looked past the crowd. On cue, the looming double doors at the back of the town hall groaned, pushed open. Joel turned his head back, along with everyone else. A woman in a wheelchair was rolling herself down the aisle. She worked in the radio room. A boy trailed behind her, pushing a cart; Joel recognized the town’s H.A.M radio sitting on it. His brow furrowed in confusion. Ellie fidgeted beside him. 

Tommy watched the boy connect the radio to the hall’s speakers. His eyes narrowed. “What is this?” 

The council woman glanced over. “They found it yesterday. Just listen.” 

Murmurs drifted over the pews. Ellie sat up in her seat, getting ready to bolt. She had a bad feeling. She forced herself to breathe, and then winced under the crackle that the radio gave as it began to play out through the speakers.

“- llie. Dark, brown hair and eyes.” Marlene’s voice. “Around five feet tall.” 

Joel’s eyes trailed down to Ellie, along with every other set of eyes in the town hall. She scrunched up uncomfortably, and tried her hardest to make the floor just swallow her up. It didn’t work.

“She has a bite on her right arm. Maybe more by now. The doctors believe the Cordyceps inside her head mutated, and that’s why she won’t turn.” A softened huff fell over the radio. “It could make a vaccine.” 

Fascinated murmurs and noises of excitement spilled over the pews behind her. Ellie buried her face into her knees, and tried again to just disappear. Please, she begged the hardwood floors. Please, just take me. Joel squeezed her arm, and drew her out. She surfaced again, avoiding eye contact with anyone. 

The radio kept crackling in and out. “... f you catch her, make contact on this channel.” Joel winced at the wording. Catch her. His mind immediately jumped to the picture that Ellie had painted for him, her too-small wrists tied up in some building, Firefly brands on the hands that were hurting her. He winced again. 

Fuckin’ Marlene. 

Fuckin’ Fireflies. 

“Don’t touch her.” Marlene enunciated the word ‘don’t,’ like her army of so-called freedom fighter martyrs had to be reminded not to put their hands on a thirteen year old girl. Joel watched Tommy shake his head. “We can’t afford another fuckup here.” 

The same, furious look filled Joel’s face, then Tommy’s, and finally Maria’s. Probably Ellie’s, too. She’d find it funny, if she didn’t feel so fucking angry right now, and sad, and about a million other things. 

“Is this on a loop?” The Council started talking again as the recording began to replay, drawing everyone’s gaze, everyone except Ellie. She stared down at the floor, quiet. 

“It is,” The woman in the wheelchair answered, turning her fingers down on a knob against the radio. Marlene’s voice faded away. Ellie was grateful. “It has to be new. I only caught it last night, and I know I would’ve heard it earlier.” More murmuring spread over the seats.

“What channel is it on?” Tommy muttered. 

“Eight,” The woman answered. 

Tommy pinched his fingers to his eyebrows. Firefly channel, Joel translated, watching. “Ellie,” Her dark, angry eyes waited against the face of another stranger. A council member. “What do you know about this?” 

Ellie just glared in response, quiet. It wasn’t these people’s fault. They didn’t know why she was so fucking mad. They didn’t know a lot. But she didn’t care. All she could manage was to keep her mouth shut, because she didn’t know what would come out if she didn’t. The glare, she allowed. 

“With all due respect, ma’am,” Joel took over. “She doesn’t owe y’all anything.” Murmurs spread over the crowd behind him. He didn’t care. His priority was Ellie, unlike anyone else here. 

“Tommy,” He cast his eyes over and met another council-person’s face. An older man, somewhere in his fifties. “You were a Firefly.” He lifted his eyebrows in quiet agreement. “Do you have any clue where these doctors are?”

The answer was written very clearly on Tommy’s face: yes. Still, he shook his head. “That’s my niece there,” He denied calmly. He cast his eyes over the crowd in response to the murmurs, fighting the eyeroll that he wanted to give. “You’d all be doin’ the same,” He didn’t apologize. 

Ellie caught the glance that Tommy threw her way. It was like it was just for them, this little second of eye contact. He offered a weighted smile. She tried to reciprocate. The softness of his face sent praise at the attempt. Niece. That word was now tattooed on her heart. She felt warm. 

“Can you track the signal?” Another councilman asked the woman by the radio. 

“The general location,” She granted. “It’s out by Boulder, Colorado.” 

The next obvious question hung over the room. To hand Ellie over or not. She turned her face and glanced around the room, recognizing the faces of her neighbors, parents of kids she knew from school, the same people that told Joel that they adored her. And the option that they preferred was clear in all of their faces. Anger filled her face. 

Her body. 

That was all they saw. 

And it felt familiar. 

“How many miles is that?” 

“How many people would go?” 

“Do we have enough resources for a trip like that?” 

“We’ll have to.” 

They were all talking about it like it was decided already. Like it wasn’t even worth asking her. Who cared what she thought? What she wanted? Her body was all they saw. 

Ellie rose to her feet before putting much thought to it. Every eye raced to her, which just made her mad all over again. She didn’t give them another word. She stormed down the aisle between the rows and disappeared behind the hall’s thick double doors. The cold winter air met her like a whip. 

“Don’t let her leave,” She heard a voice muffled behind her just as the doors closed.

Ellie snarled. She threw herself down onto the curb of the street and then hunkered down. All of her was so tense. So fucking angry. It wasn’t two grown men using her like just an empty flesh doll anymore, it was her own community. The people she shared a home with. Her lips dragged apart with the realization. She’d really felt at home here, for the first time in her life. What a practical joke this was.

Ellie glared up at the sky. It felt like it was laughing at her. Everything was. 

“Hey.” Ellie felt a hand grab her shoulder suddenly. Before she turned, she twisted the arm that belonged to it, snarling again. “ Ow!” She whipped her head back and found Dina. 

“Fuck,” Ellie let go. “Dina, I’m sorry-” 

“It’s okay,” Dina shook her head, and then plopped down by Ellie’s side. “I accept it on behalf of Jackson.” Ellie offered a short huff. Nothing else. “I’m sorry, Ellie. That was so fucked up in there. They didn’t even ask you-” 

“I know,” Ellie interrupted. She couldn’t talk about this. She’d start crying. She’d be so pissed if she started crying. “It’s fine.” It wasn’t. 

“It’s not, ” Dina stressed. “Bringing that radio call in there? Without even letting you hear it first? Everyone saw your face. That’s so fucked up to do that to you.” The anger in Ellie’s face found her eyes. They welled up with tears and heat, a mixture of her rage and the urge to just cry like a kid. 

“Everyone saw my face?” Ellie tried to joke. It escaped with a pout. 

Dina frowned. “I didn’t mean it like that.” 

The doors opened again behind them. Neither of the girls needed to look to recognize the weight of Joel’s footsteps. Maria and Tommy probably weren’t far behind. Dina pushed out a breath, and then stood, brushing the snow off the back of her jeans. Ellie watched, frowning. She would beg her to stay, if that wasn’t pathetic. This felt like the last time they were going to see each other. And she didn’t even know what they’d decided in there yet. 

Joel watched them hug. Dina’s face peeked over Ellie’s shoulder. He cast her a grateful look. She was a good friend. “I’m gonna see you soon,” She promised, refusing to let either of them hear the tears in her voice. 

“Okay.” Ellie was pouting too. After another minute, Dina was gone. Joel filled the empty place by her side. When she sat again, he sat, too, and encouraged her head to fall against his shoulder. She waited for him to talk. 

Weight seeped into Joel’s wrinkles. “We’ve got two options,” He started gently. Ellie listened. “We leave and go to the Fireflies.” Already, he didn’t sound pleased with option one. “They’ll try ‘n make contact with Marlene tomorrow over the radio. Tell her we’re comin’.” He frowned. “We’ll let their doctors find a cure.” 

“What if I say no?” 

The framing of that sentence pushed the breath out of Joel’s lungs. Christ. This was all so unfair. “Then they kick us out,” He admitted. He’d practically erupted when they’d decided that. Maria and Tommy had argued it as much as they could. The entire town agreed on it. Every hand risen except Tommy and Maria’s, and his, and Dina’s, bless her soul. 

“Kick me out,” Ellie corrected. 

Joel shook his head. “Us.”

Ellie tried to offer any expression of gratitude. She couldn’t move her face away from a pout, or a snarl. It was like the same exact thing was happening to her all over again. No control. Didn’t matter if she said no. “I don’t have a choice,” She realized fast. 

Joel frowned. “That ain’t true,” He tried to convince them both. “We could leave. Find someplace else. You don’t have to do this, kiddo.” 

“There isn’t any place else like this,” Ellie argued. Joel couldn’t correct that. They both knew it was true. “I can’t make you leave it,” She mumbled after. Just for me. She wasn’t worth all that. 

Joel’s expression softened. “I would,” He promised. For you. 

Ellie knew that before Joel said it. That was the problem. If she forced their hand and made them kick her out, he’d follow like a shadow. And maybe he’d get killed beyond the walls, or bitten, and it’d be her fault. “You’d make me stay,” She argued numbly. 

Again, Joel couldn’t argue. They both knew Ellie was right. If this was him, he’d chain her to her bed, if that was what it took. As long as she didn’t follow him into danger. “I don’t have a choice,” She repeated, facing away. His heart sagged. He couldn’t imagine how familiar this all was for her. He hated it. He wished he could make it disappear, but he couldn’t. He was failing her. All he did was fail her.

Ellie tucked her knees up to her chest, making herself small under Joel’s jacket. She’d stolen it this morning. “We have to go.” She tugged her fingers under her sleeves, already imagining wires protruding out, leading up to various machines stationed beside a cold, paper bed. Strangers’ faces hidden behind paper masks, their skin turned blue with alien, latex gloves. 

Joel watched Ellie make herself even smaller. His heart broke. “Listen to me,” He lifted himself off of the step and then perched in front of her. His hands found either of her shoulders. She watched him behind distant eyes. “I’ll be with you the whole time. No one has to go but us.” He pressed a palm against her cheek. She leaned in, soothed by the warmth. “And if anyone does anythin’ you don’t like, you just tell me, and we’re out.” 

Ellie wanted that so bad. “But they’re making us go,” She argued, ignoring the whine in her own voice.

“That don’t mean we have to stay,” Joel soothed. “I don’t care what those people in there say. If anyone gives you a reason, we’re gone.” He brushed his thumb over Ellie’s cheek, and then let his hand fall down to her shoulder again. “I won’t let anythin’ happen to you, sweetheart. I promise.” Her lip tugged down. She jumped forward and hid her face against his chest before he could see her cry. 

Joel wrapped Ellie in his arms. She let her weight slump over, leaning completely against his chest. She felt so safe in this cocoon. If nowhere else, she had right here. “‘It’s you and me, kid,” He murmured down. “Against the whole world.” 

Ellie snuggled in, and closed her eyes. 

You and me. 

It was too cold to cry the next morning when they left. 

Joel woke them up before the sun was up. He had a feeling Ellie wouldn’t want an audience while they packed up. He was right. As they stuffed Callus’ saddle bags with their sleeping bags and blankets and backpacks, no one was watching. What a nice change.

Maia and Tommy were already waiting at the stables when they arrived. Ellie managed to appreciate that. They’d fought for her as much as they could with the Council yesterday, and Tommy had tried his best to prevent this, her being sent off to the Fireflies again like a lamb to the slaughter. She could see on his face that he didn’t think the same. Maria, too. Their eyes were heavy with guilt. 

“I’m sorry,” Maria hushed as she pulled Ellie into a close embrace. Ellie had to remind herself not to shrivel away. She felt raw all of a sudden, like she hadn’t in months. Anyone touching her felt like fire. Anyone except Joel.

Ellie didn’t have anything to offer in response. She accepted the next hug quietly; Tommy’s arms cradled her against him. She added him quietly to the list of people she still felt safe with. He held her like Joel. And he was a good hugger. “Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid for me, hm?” 

Ellie screwed her face deeper into Tommy’s shirt. “ Don’t worry, ” She tried. “ We’re leaving all the stupid here. ” 

Tommy managed a smile. “Okay, you little shit,” He offered softly. Ellie’s lips twitched. 

Joel watched Ellie climb her way up onto Callus’ saddle. The smile that he would’ve worn another day dragged into a frown. She was too small for this. He wished he could walk them back across the street, and tuck her back into bed. But he couldn’t. His wince deepened as she clung onto the back of his coat. 

“Are you sure you’ve got everything?” Tommy asked from the ground. Every question he could think up was one more minute they could stay. 

“Map, packs, sleeping bags,” Ellie answered, nodding. She sounded like a kid. 

“Got it all,” Joel agreed softly. He was trying to drag the seconds on with as many words as he could, too. It took effort today.

“Vigílalos cuando llegues, hermano mayor,” Tommy ordered gently. For both of their sakes. “No confío en Marlene.” 

Joel’s eyes darkened at that name. “Yo tampoco,” He agreed. “No te preocupes. Tú me conoces.” 

Tommy’s eyes shadowed, too. “Hago.” He frowned after. Finally, there was nothing left to say. He offered one last soft look up at Ellie, who tried and failed to return it, then he watched as she got smaller and smaller. Finally, she disappeared behind the gates, along with his brother. Half of his heart trailed after them. 

Ellie watched the walls disappear behind them. The lasting gaps allowed her one last peek at home. Soon, it faded away into the snow. 

To Marlene.