Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 5th, 2006

Tyler couldn’t help but stare at that photo of the boy with a frown. Blue hair swooped to the side and such a smile, that literally any other time he would’ve looked at him he would have smiled back.

But the boy was dead, so he couldn’t do such a thing.

“CELEBRATING THE LIFE OF

JOSHUA W. DUN

JUNE 18th, 1988 - SEPTEMBER 28th, 2006

SERVICE WILL BE HELD IN…”

It was a photo on the school bulletin, a photo of a kid named Josh. He’d seen him around, of course he had. Everyone had, whether they liked him or not. It was an invite to a funeral. Tyler probably wouldn’t go, he felt like it was disrespectful to show up and act like knew anything about him. He didn’t, and he felt awful about that too. Kids had been talking about it for days, there wasn’t avoiding it. It was all people could do after a kid died.

Tyler had heard so many rumors; like how he was killed or he’d killed himself. Maybe he’d gotten into an accident. His family themselves had never stated anything outright. He felt terrible for the kid either way, the kid had only been 18 max.

Today was the assembly for the kid. “Josh Dun, 1988-2006.” It was almost like some sort of fever dream, having a kid you saw just the other day just parish, and then knowing he was probably sitting in the morgue when he should be in a classroom was horrible. It made Tyler’s stomach boil, absolutely churn. He had to take a few deep breaths to stop himself from thinking, from thinking about how no one would’ve been able to stop Josh’s fate. No one had even known.

The bell rang for the first time that day, and that registered Tyler’s brain into action of getting to class—but he couldn’t turn his head away from that photo. 

He looked so happy, it made him rethink everything as someone who was alive. He should be happy like that. Tyler swallowed harshly before he walked right back up to the bulletin and ripped the photo off the wall.

The cobalt colored pin that had been holding it fell to the ground with the sudden tug, and Tyler couldn’t help but back up a few inches as he stared at it. He didn’t even know what provoked him to do that, but he looked down at the photo, to the pin, and back at Josh.

He wished he could make it to his funeral, he really did. But, he never thought he would.

Instead of pinning the piece of paper back up, Tyler folded it and shoved it into his pocket. He quickly turned on his heels, eyes darting around to make sure no one had watched him, before taking his first agitated steps towards his first period.

—

It was a slow walk to the assembly.

He hated his class; just a jumbled up mix of kids he didn’t fit in with. He didn’t hate the people, just the fact he didn’t want to talk to any of them. Though, unfortunately, he had his younger brother, Zack, in tow before he knew it as they sat down on the bleachers in random orders. Tyler and Zack sat down right in the front.

“Why do we need an assembly for this kid?” Zack asked just barely over the overstimulating chatter of the rest of the students around them, “Was he that important?”

Tyler held back a sneer, “I don’t know, it could be something important in general. Maybe not… him as a person, but to maybe-“

“Do you think he killed himself or something?” Zack suddenly asked, making Tyler lean away, “What if this is some suicide prevention thing? Oh gosh, and then we have to hear about-“

“Can you shut up?” Tyler barked at Zack, and it made a few heads turn which caused him to go bright red. “Just… be more mindful, dude. Even if it’s not, you can’t just say that about stuff like that.”

Zack’s eyes were a tad bit wide before he turned away with a huff, embarrassed himself that he just got scolded at by his older brother—in school, at that.

Tyler watched the way Zack slouched down a bit, and he couldn’t help but just shake his head with a sigh.

He looked around the gymnasium, all the students lined up in rows and rows against one long wall and it was almost sickening to look at. There were so many kids at this school, and Tyler couldn’t help but think about how many were affected by Josh’s death. It made his stomach queasy again, and he couldn’t help but slump over like his brother had.

His eyes flickered to the people setting up on the entire rest of the gym; setting up mics and pulling the large projector down from the ceiling. It was probably going to be a long and droning presentation, one where he wished he’d just been in class instead. There were a few people, adults, talking between one another in whispers—none of them laughing or smiling. It would’ve made Tyler weird out if they had been.

Eventually though, the lights dimmed a tad, and all of the students became equally quiet simultaneously. There were sounds of shoes squeaking, turning towards the unfamiliar speakers in the front.

It was a lady in front of the main microphone set up in the middle of the room; blonde hair only a bit past her shoulders, a blue floral shirt that flowed more around the sleeves, and glasses—anyone would be able to tell she was some sort of public speaker.

“Good morning students, I’m so happy to be here.” A nasally voice came through the mic. It made Tyler’s ears perk and ring, and he forced himself to stare at the ground of the gymnasium.

“My name is Ashley, and around here in Ohio, I am a Domestic Violence Advocate, and counselor.”

Tyler’s heart stopped for a moment, because everyone had said this assembly was about Josh. But even the teachers had said so? Tyler understood, but he really wished it wasn’t true. A terrible way to go out; violence from someone close. But that confirmed how he died, but it didn’t make him at ease or comfortable knowing. On the contrary actually, it made him paranoid and shaky.

“… a boy from this school, suffered from such. Apparently, for a long time, too. He didn’t reach out… and most don’t because of fear.” The woman spoke, but Tyler was beyond that.

“Some might not think they’d be believed, or taken seriously. Some don’t have any other options but to stay. Shame, guilt. It all happens, and that terrible feeling of trepidation, that you’ll get in trouble or the law causes someone to bottle it up and pretend it doesn’t happen, or act like it’s fine. Only then, the violence can escalate. And in some cases, it’s too late to act.”

Tyler held himself then, trying his best to listen but he just couldn’t focus. It was like every thought was frozen, and not even the new knowledge of Josh… this kid… could defrost it.

Why did he even care so much? He hadn’t even known him. But he just couldn’t shake it, because he’d known him enough. It wasn’t like they had been strangers. They had known each other; small waves whenever Tyler had been playing basketball and Josh had been in the bleachers watching. Or whenever Tyler would walk into class, Josh would say hi, and then Tyler would smile and nod back before Josh went back to talking to his other, better friends.

He felt crazy, because he shouldn’t feel this way towards a guy. Just some guy. It wasn’t that serious. But it was, and it hurt the longer he took it. It hurt like he was a pop can being crushed.

Tyler zoned out the entire rest of the presentation.

—

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 6th, 2006

Tyler had a hard time during practice, and his classes… and just with everything. It was frustrating, because he couldn’t bring himself to do any school work the next day. Though, he felt like a lot of students had been that way recently. There had been this suffocating sort of feeling that circulated from person to person, almost like an airborne disease.

Maybe because Josh’s funeral had been yesterday night.

Or… it was because it had not stopped raining since last night. It was like the weather had sensed people being tense, and just decided the rain should help make it worse. By the time he had gotten home later that day, the rain only poured more, and lightning had started to strike.

Tyler was helping out in the kitchen, peeling some potatoes, his mom stirring something around in a large pot. The familiar scent filled his lungs, and it made his stomach feel even more empty than it already was. He hadn’t eaten anything for lunch that day, so this was probably going to be a refreshing dinner.

Though, Tyler’s mom noticed his sour attitude.

“What’s wrong, Ty? You seem so tired today.” She asked as she added a few things into the pot with a flick of her hand.

Tyler didn’t know if he exactly wanted to bring up Josh, and his funeral, how he didn’t go because of a stupid assembly, and then also the entire assembly itself, and how he was actually starting to miss Josh-

“Just didn’t sleep that well,” Tyler mumbled, lazily peeling a potato, causing him to have to redo it.

His mom didn’t buy it, “Is it about that boy who passed?” She asked, “Lots of parents have been talking about kids being low because of it.”

Tyler’s breath hitched, and he swallowed it. He held his breath long enough probably to turn purple. He didn’t take his eyes off the peeler and the potato, his hands a bit shaky.

“Yeah,” He simply said, “‘Cause of that.”

“Well, you know how it goes, honey,” His mom says quietly, “He was a nice boy, his mother is the sweetest. I’m sure he has his own special place to rest.”

Talking about Heaven wasn’t what he would’ve liked to hear, but he just listened and breathed out and blinked slowly.

“Did you know him well, Ty?”

“Uh, sorta. He came to my games a lot.”

“I bet he was just a darling.”

Tyler then yelped, dropping the potato and peeler he had onto the counter with a clatter. He felt the sharp pain in his fingertip, and he panted a tad when he saw the dripping blood as he avoided letting it get on the potatoes and counter. He held his finger in his palm, taking a few breaths.

“Oh, Tyler- geez-“

“I’m fine,” Tyler said, “I’ll just go clean it up.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m fine.” Tyler repeated a bit more firmly than he meant to, but he just needed to get away for a moment. He turned out of the kitchen and towards the downstairs bathroom, closing and locking the door.

The metallic smell his blood gave off made him nauseous, so he rushed to the sink and cleaned what he could without it causing more damage. He didn’t even realize how much he was panicking until he watched his hands vigorously shake.

Tyler couldn’t calm down, he needed to get out, even if it was raining.

He put on a bandaid, almost swinging the bathroom door open and walking up to the front door. Tyler looked over his shoulder a few times, making sure his mom wasn’t aware of him leaving. It was dark, he knew she wouldn’t let him if she knew. He swiftly put on his coat, grabbed his keys and flung on his hood before quietly leaving out front.

Tyler had his hands on his head, trying to take in as much air as he could to soothe his defeated body. He’d stayed up all night, just because of this dude, his funeral. He should’ve gone, but he didn’t think he would’ve made it through. He wondered how everyone else had reacted, what the turnout was like.

It was hard to walk on the alternating sidewalks, and eventually he stuck to the grass. He didn’t know how long he had been walking for, but he made it so far he was at a graveyard. THE graveyard.

Tyler stopped momentarily, turning his head towards it. He didn’t think he should. He couldn’t. But it would only be for a moment.

He made no effort to stop his legs from making him walk into the open gates.

Tyler walked through the rows of graves, careful to avoid stepping on the stones that were planted in the ground and avoid stepping on flowers. Most were some white roses or normal red roses, but some happened to be in vases which rendered useless at the moment because they were all drenched with rain water. It was dark, and Tyler had to squint a bit to see.

But eventually, he saw it. It was a half stone, arched and covered with crosses and flowers. It was so out of place, because it was so fresh. So new. It didn’t deserve to be there, not with the people who died decades or even centuries ago. The dirt that had been there was still brown, almost mud. Tyler stared at it, wishing he had brought something. He felt around his hoodie before he felt something; around his neck. A cross, it wasn’t one of his special ones—so he didn’t mind to place it down as an “offering”. It was still meaningful, it was still his.

He pulled it off from his neck, slowly walking closer in the lightning as the grass squished underneath his shoes—placing the cross down gently right on one of the edges of the stone. Tyler couldn’t help run his hand over Josh’s tombstone, the fresh stone sending shivers completely down his spine in discomfort.

Tyler had to pull away. He turned, long and deep breaths. He kept his head low, slowly walking away.

But he felt some sort of tug, he didn’t know why. He didn’t care. He wouldn’t.

Lightning struck.

It caused a loud boom, and it was almost like someone had yanked Tyler right off his feet. He fell forward, his ears ringing—and he almost started to worry that he had gone deaf before he looked over his shoulder to where it had come from. His vision went out briefly, and he swore he could taste metal in between his lips. It took him a few to breathe too.

Once his eyes had focused enough, he locked his eyes on Josh’s grave. Was that the thing that had been hit? Was it the cross? He didn’t know, Tyler’s head pounded. He panted, sitting up and struggling to lift himself to his knees.

Tyler took another glance over to Josh’s grave.

He saw a slight movement from underneath the wet dirt. Then he heard an ominous thumping through the rain and ringing.

It wasn’t long before the dirt started to spread across the ground from the disturbance underneath. 

Chapter Text

Tyler watched in horror as the ground curdled and fought against the thing crawling from the ground. It was almost like it was pulling a bow off a present, but the present was a bomb.

He was practically rooted into the ground, but he was almost genuinely stuck to the ground because of the weight of his clothes and the mud sticking against his body. Rain washed his face clean of the dirt that stained him, and he couldn’t tell if it was washing his eyes out or he was crying.

His knees ached, and it felt like they were chained together. Tyler couldn’t move, and all his brain processed was the ground slowly opening—like a demon from hell was crawling up onto Earth.

Tyler regretted even coming to the grave, placing his cross down. He felt like he had just sinned and this was his punishment. Tyler felt like he could plead for forgiveness over and over just for this to be fake. He would’ve punched himself if the pain he felt from his fall didn’t hurt enough to assure him yes, this was happening.

A door opened—the coffin door, shoving the dirt to the side like a coerced entry. All the dirt was forced to bundle up as a person desperately crawled out of the ground. A monster. Tyler finally used his legs, but only to back himself into a tree.

A person crawled out, desperately clawing at the moist ground and pulling himself out like his legs didn’t work. Tyler could hear the groans, the way the person got on hands and knees; staring at their dirtied open palms.

The person's hair was silver, soaking now in rain that was starting to restrict Tyler’s own breathing. He felt like he was just having buckets of never ending water poured over him—like it was all targeting him.

But he recognized the blue hair. And he remembered where he was, the situation.

Josh was alive.

He was alive.

Was that even him? Was it alive?

Tyler almost passed out, and he was sure his breathing was loud because Josh turned his head right over to him.

He was wearing some sort of nice jacket, underneath; a long sleeve grey and white shirt that was stripped, black jeans that stuck to his legs too. Tyler saw just how pale his skin was, no blood circulation—his skin almost a pale taupe color. Josh’s hair stuck to his forehead, and he slowly stumbled up with a harsh wince.

“Hey!” Josh called in a grating voice—once that remained familiar but so far off than what he was expecting, all Tyler could do was squeak and quickly stand. So he could talk, but that didn’t ease his worries. He didn’t even look back before he started to run to the exit.

“Hey, wait! Wait!” Josh yelled a few more times, but Tyler’s mind was screaming at him.

It couldn’t be real, he was sure of it. Josh had been buried, buried just yesterday. He had been gone for days. The assembly at school, all the students. He was pronounced dead. He was supposed to be dead. But Tyler looked over his shoulder, and Josh was there following him with a limp and his eyes looked almost glowing with a slight bit of red-

“Hey! Watch-“ Josh started to say, before it was too late and Tyler ended up running right into a tombstone and falling to the ground. He couldn’t believe he got so unlucky that he fell twice. Tyler groaned, this time, holding his shin and not making an effort to get up. Pain rocketed up his body and it made him cry out a bit before he pushed himself up enough to breathe better.

“Hey, are you alright?” Josh suddenly asked way closer, and Tyler turned and realized that Josh was kneeled right next to him; his hand slowly moving to touch Tyler’s shoulder before Tyler pushed himself back with his good leg—just screaming at him.

“Get the hell away from me!” Tyler yelled, and that scared Josh up and back. Josh held his hands together in front of him with slightly wide eyes, and Tyler’s eyes followed him.

Josh’s eyes were red because the whites of his eyes were bloodied—and Tyler wondered if that was from the impact of when he died or if this was a… recent event. Either way, he looked terrible; and his brown eyes that he remembered were so dull, like there wasn’t the usual moisture to soothe them. Josh had a hunch to him, like he was constantly in pain. The way Josh just held himself showed discomfort, and all that did was reinforce that he was struggling.

Tyler started to mumble and cry to himself a bit, he was sure he was going insane. “What the fuck, what the actual-“  

“Tyler?”

Tyler shut himself up. He hated the sound of his weak voice that wasn’t as strained since he wasn’t yelling across the cemetery, but still so pinched. Tyler realized it took Josh a long time to breathe between each breath, like he kept forgetting. Breathing didn’t seem to help him, but it definitely kept something running through Josh’s nervous system in a way.

“Josh.” Tyler mumbled back, not even thinking that Josh would have remembered him—know him at all, actually. His fear wavered from his heart, but he kept his eyes wide; his body alert. His body was completely expecting Josh to attack in some way.

“What’s wrong with me?” Josh asked in a weary voice, looking down at his hands again. Josh’s hands shook, but they wouldn’t stop. It was a constant tremor—not like a shiver, but convulsion. Josh’s body kept stiffening, but then quickly loosening in a constant protest.

Tyler opened his mouth, but couldn’t choke the words out. He only croaked in response, taking in a heavy gasp and that’s what made him realize he was crying.

“You’re dead, you’re supposed to be dead,” Tyler spat, almost in disgust. He couldn’t believe that this was happening, his brain refusing to believe that this was what came out of his visit from the cemetery. “You’re dead.”

Josh gulped, his breathing stuttering. Tyler could see the way his jaw tightened, realization creeping into his features. His eyes looked panicked, and his trembling got so bad he looked like he was about to fall over. Tyler thought that he had been shocked or scared—but he couldn’t even imagine how Josh must’ve felt.

“No… no. No.” Josh kept repeating to himself; trying to take in the fact he had first, died, and then second, woke up in a coffin and in a cemetery—dealing with pain across his body that throbbed, never stopping. He felt dizzy, and sick, but his stomach didn’t even feel like it was sick. It almost felt like it was eating itself, and that sent chills down his spine. He felt everything; the way his clothes stuck to him, how his hair fell, every movement inside and out. It felt like he was feeling everything for the first time again.

Tyler couldn’t speak, but Josh did himself.

“I can feel my skin crawling,” He said, his hands moving far from his body like he was scared to touch himself. That’s when Tyler noticed how unnervingly weird Josh’s body was anchored—his fingers in somewhat unnatural shapes and how crooked he stood.

“Is- is my skin like, decaying? And I can feel it?” Josh asked with a frightened expression, taking another look at his hands before just closing his eyes and stumbling back. Josh shook his head.

“I think there’s other things you should be worried about right now,” Tyler choked out, but he didn’t mean to sound rude the way he did.

Josh’s eyes opened, “What?”

“You’re… dead. How did you-“

“If I knew what happened, you think I would’ve let it?” Josh cried out, “I was just dead wasn’t I? Maybe I wish I stayed dead.”

Tyler shook his head and held his hands out in defense. He hated those words, and they stunned him to silence again.

Josh slowly, and finally, collapsed to the ground and onto his knees. His body looked exhausted, and Tyler didn’t know what he should do. He didn’t know how to help, and he didn’t even know if he could.

Josh looked up though, silently and slowly reaching out to Tyler.

“Tyler, you have to help me,” He begged, “Maybe- maybe find a gun or something-“

“What?” Tyler screamed at him, “What the hell- no! I’m not shooting you!”

“Please! It would just be a mercy kill, please! I don’t want to stay like this, and then you’d be able to put me back in my grave like nothing happened!”

“But it wouldn’t be nothing to me!”

Tyler couldn’t even stop the words before they came out from his lips, but he just kept going as Josh sat in silence.

“Why do you even think I’m here? I- I missed your funeral yesterday- and I felt terrible. I came here on a walk because of some… stupid assembly at school for you and- and I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. I placed my cross on your tombstone, and now you’re here.” Tyler said, his words slurring together as he tried to track everything up to this point.

Josh was quiet, and Tyler furrowed his eyebrows at him.

“I’m sorry, but I’m not doing that.” He managed out with a slight crack of his voice.

Josh didn’t say anything back—no arguing further. But, he did speak up after the silence of the rain and lightning.

“Please, just help me.”

Tyler felt his heart drop, and then he looked at the exit of the cemetery. He didn’t think he had much of a choice. He couldn’t just leave him like this, plus; his guilty conscience wouldn’t let him. He’d come back, for some reason, and help Josh either way.

Tyler grunted a bit, standing up—pain shooting through his leg again. Josh’s eyes were watching him, and it almost looked like those paintings when the eyes followed you. Josh was trembling, but still somewhat still.

“I can…” Tyler started, thinking of what he could possibly do, then he had a small lightbulb go off. “I can sneak you into my basement. It’s nice, no one goes down there until we… figure this out. I don’t think it’s good for you to… stay out here.” Tyler suggested, taking a few steps closer to Josh.

Josh didn’t know how to respond besides nodding, slowly pushing himself up and stumbling towards Tyler. Tyler finally got to see how his face looked. He was scared to touch Josh, so he still kept a distance.

They walked together out of the cemetery, and it was an awkward silence. They both felt distant, and they were on just two completely different wavelengths. Tyler had almost walked down the wrong street because he was so distracted. Josh was losing speed—not like he had been a fast walker before. But it was like his body couldn’t get up and move this far around, and Tyler wouldn’t doubt it.

Tyler had managed to get Josh to his house. He didn’t think of much of a plan to get Josh in. He stopped right in the front and slowly turned to Josh.

“The basement door is underneath the main stairs. Don’t fall down them. Light next to the last step. I’ll have to distract my parents or something,” Tyler explains quickly, wishing that he had had a full proof plan.

Josh looked confused, taking a few extra seconds to process it. He almost was looking at Tyler like a crazy person, and Josh didn’t even realize that he was doing so. “Door underneath main stairs. Got it.”

“Okay…” Tyler mumbled, taking his key out of his pocket and unlocking the front door. He peeked through a small crack, making sure no one was lingering around the main room before motioning for Josh to follow.

He could hear his dad and mom talking in a further room, the kitchen he was sure, and started walking over. He knew he looked terrible, and that’d probably get them to pause and pay attention to him for a few minutes. Tyler’s shoes were tracking in mud, and he was sure Josh was doing the same. Tyler suddenly felt fear that maybe that’d give them both away, but Tyler’s legs weren’t stopping. They were headed forward.

Tyler’s head ached suddenly, and his vision briefly blurred when his eyes adjusted to the bright lights coming from the kitchen. He started to shiver, and his hands gripped at his clothes that started to feel tight around his body. He heard his mom’s voice, and it suddenly felt like it was going to be alright.

Once he walked into the kitchen, both sets of eyes from his parents turned on him. His mother gasped, and his dad looked to be in disbelief.

“Tyler!” She said in a worried manner, immediately rushing over. “What happened? You’re completely soaked.”

Tyler felt his breath catch in his throat, and he almost wanted to collapse into her. His brain couldn’t handle everything at once, and his body felt a harsh weight wrapped around him—like some sort of weighted blanket. He couldn’t just tell the truth, and they probably wouldn’t believe the fact that a zombie Josh Dun was in their house and heading to the basement.

Once he heard a distant creak from the basement door, he covered it up with a weak voice.

“I fell,” was all he could manage before he broke down just right there. He didn’t even know what led him to truly just do that; his head lolling forward onto his mom’s shoulder with his hands covering his face. Maybe it was the death of a friend, and then seeing his dead body walking and talking, the fact Josh was in pain and asking Tyler to kill him, the assembly, the shock of it, disbelief and grief but then the grief being taken away so quickly. His body couldn’t just take it, neither could his mind.

He heard a muffle from his mother speaking to him, and he knew she was leading him somewhere but it almost felt like he wasn’t there.

Tyler couldn’t remember a thing.

—

He sat in bed for a few hours, he didn’t know how long exactly, but he knew his family was asleep. Tyler got up, he hadn’t been able to relax. He knew Josh was waiting for him.

Tyler walked around his room and grabbed a few things; a few blankets and a pillow, a few sources of light like a lamp and a lantern, and new clothes with hope that they also fit Josh. He then went to the bathroom; a rag or two that he made damp with water, a lot of wrapping to help with anything open wound, and a lot of bandaids.

He walked through the dimly lit halls of his house, a small comfort being provided. Tyler found his way towards the basement and began to walk down.

It was pitch black. He couldn’t see a thing, and once his feet touched the cold floor he sighed. He looked around for any sign of Josh—maybe Josh hadn’t been real or maybe he left. Maybe he had gone to someone else.

“Tyler?”

Tyler yelped and suddenly threw a punch towards Josh, and Josh yelled a bit with an “ow”. Tyler had dropped a few things before slapping his hand over his mouth.

“Oh geez, dude,” Tyler managed, “I’m sorry.”

Josh turned on the basement light, rubbing his face.

“Why did you even have the light off?” Tyler asked as he picked up the lantern and blanket he dropped. Josh shrugged, “It seemed nicer down here that way,” Josh grumbled, “Maybe it reminded my body of the grave and it was comforting.” He joked, trying to lighten… something. Tyler gave an awkward chuckle, and Josh rubbed his face a bit long before his eyes looked down at everything in Tyler’s hands.

“All of that’s for me?” Josh asked, taking a few things to help. Tyler didn’t like how close Josh was, but he let him. No stopping it now.

“Yeah,” Tyler said simply, “Just to… help you get situated in my cold basement.”

Josh laughed a bit, walking to a small corner of the basement.

Tyler’s basement didn’t have much, since they had an attic and when they first moved here everything had just gone there first. There were large shelves that almost separated things in isles, but the corner was almost a small base. Josh looked like he had already set camp there, since an old mattress was pushed against the wall. Tyler placed all the things down on the shelves, grabbing the rags and looking over at Josh.

He didn’t know if he should offer to help, but Josh planted himself on the mattress with a wince made him frown. Tyler sat next to him, and he took a deep breath before pushing himself closer.

There was dried mud across his hands and face, and Tyler reached up and started wiping Josh’s face off. Josh flinched away, but didn’t protest once Tyler started to wipe him off—instead, looking over with large eyes.

Tyler saw the red from the whites of his eyes again, it looked like he had gotten into a bad fight or something. He wondered if Josh knew how he had died, but he didn’t bring it up.

“You’re committed to this now? Not scared?” Josh asked quietly, blinking slowly.

Tyler seemed a tad confused, but just nodded as he got the last of the dirt off.

“You know,” Josh said, “I’m surprised it was you at my grave at night. I thought you didn’t like me too much.”

Tyler stopped his hand, lowering it into his lap. That made him feel sick, and he didn’t even know why. He truthfully hadn’t thought he cared that much too, but it hurt more when Josh said it—and it made him feel like a douche.

“I don’t even know why I went,” Tyler said, “I just… found myself there.”

“God sent you there,” Josh mocked.

“Maybe.” Tyler said, though, taking it seriously.

Josh caught that, but didn’t say anything, he looked over at the shelf and saw the change of clothes, and the lantern, and the blankets. His eyebrows knitted together, and he messed with the dirt on his hands and his fingernails that looked an odd pale blue color. He gulped, looking back over to Tyler.

“Thank you.” He said a bit louder, and it was in the voice Tyler recognized; a bit more confident but smooth. His voice must’ve gotten used to being used again.

Tyler could only nod, giving the rag to Josh and getting up.

Josh stared at the spot where Tyler had been sitting, almost dejectedly cleaning his hands off.

Tyler placed Josh’s clothes next to him, as well as the blankets, making sure he didn’t need to do more unnecessary movements.

“I think I’m going to go to bed, I’ll come back down tomorrow.” Tyler promised, turning to the stairs again.

“Tyler,” Josh called again, and Tyler turned—he would have to get used to hearing his name from Josh.

Josh rubbed his head, “How did people react?” He asked, awkwardly, “When I died?”

Tyler thought about it.

“Everyone was just… sad. It felt empty, and it felt tense for like, days. Still is.” Tyler said to him. Josh didn’t know if he should like the answer, but he nodded.

Tyler couldn’t read him, but he mumbled, “Good night.”

Josh’s ears perked, and with a small eyebrow raise and smile he replied back, “Good night.”

Tyler turned away and walked up the creaking stairs, out the basement door and to his room.

That night Tyler had a nightmare, where Josh had been a zombie like in the movies. He woke up in a sweat multiple times, and eventually after the third time waking up; he opted to stay awake.

Chapter Text

 SATURDAY, OCTOBER 7th, 2006 

“…and all of the nats were all over me all night.” Josh complained to Tyler the next morning, “They were flying all over all me and crawling on me.”

“Well, you are a corpse technically in my basement, so that probably doesn’t help that much.” Tyler mumbled as he ate through his bowl of cereal, having the occasional cough from which he assumed was from the dust of the basement.

Josh narrowed his eyes at Tyler, frowning at him. “Do I really look that much like a corpse already?” Josh asks before his eyes widen, “Oh God, do I smell like one?” He asked, taking a sniff at his clothes.

“Language,” Tyler mumbled, slowly pressing his bowl against his lips turning the porcelain up as he drank the milk out of it. Josh silently watched Tyler, and he couldn’t tell if Josh looked hungry for something or not—but once he pulled the bowl from his face Josh turned away.

Josh’s eyebrows furrowed at Tyler’s words as he suddenly realized what Tyler had said.

“Language?”

“You said God’s name in vain.”

“You can’t seriously believe that he’s gonna strike you down if you say his name, right?”

Tyler stayed silent, his hands tightly holding the bowl that he felt like it was going to crack under pressure. He didn’t want to bring it up, his relationship with God confusing enough. As much as he resented Him, he couldn’t shake any practices that had been drilled in his head for years—even if his parents (who had even forced those practices) didn’t practice them themselves anymore.

“He struck me down once. He can do it again.”

Tyler said it quietly—looking down into his empty bowl, he wondered if Josh even caught that. But honestly, with the way Josh was staring at him, it looked like Josh wouldn’t miss a single syllable.

“What do you mean he struck you down already?” Josh asked, rubbing his arm with a wince.

Tyler raised a brow, “Do you not remember a single thing from last night?”

“Besides the tears and yelling, then you also bringing me here? No.” Josh admitted, looking down like he was shameful.

It really all had been very quick. Tyler couldn’t even remember himself how he was standing in front of a dead man, who was sitting on a mattress in his basement and his parents didn’t even know… but maybe it was for the better.

He took a breath, placing the bowl down on one of the many shelves before turning back to Josh.

“I had gone up to your grave, saw all the flowers and things on your grave, and I hadn’t brought anything-“

“I still can’t believe you went to my grave alone.” Josh interrupted with a chuckle.

Tyler felt his face heat up, glancing at Josh from the corner of his eye. Why did he almost sound hopeful? Why was he so excited that him of all people who went to his grave? Multiple people had been to his service, Tyler was probably one of the only people who hadn’t done a single thing after Josh had died. Why was Josh so… happy?

He huffed, his face not noticeably pink in the dim lighting of the basement but Tyler could just feel it. “Did you want my explanation or not?”

Josh shut up, leaning back on the bed which didn’t help Tyler’s focus.

“… and-… I hadn’t brought anything to your grave. I had only brought myself, I just… I didn’t want to go to your funeral service, but I just felt so terrible- and guilty. I wanted to at least see… the grave.” Tyler spoke, Josh staring as he waited for Tyler to finish. 

“And… I didn’t think I would forgive myself if I hadn’t, so I just went and I pulled my cross off just something to put there, and then when I was walking away there was a thing of lightning.”

He took in a long breath after speaking, since he really hadn’t taken much of a breath before he had—his voice having sounded shaky and quick.

Josh was almost in awe, like he hadn’t even expected an answer. He was stuck in his spot, back tracking to everything that Tyler had said to him.

“I am glad… that you came though.”

Tyler pressed his lips together, swallowing hard, Josh not even waiting for a response to continue. “Everyone did.”

“Everyone did?”

“Everyone in our grade, I mean. Almost everyone went, your grave is loaded with flowers.”

“But how many of those people actually care, Tyler? I mean… I can only think of maybe 7 people who were actually there and my friend, half of those people I doubt I even know the name of.”

Tyler shrugged, knowing that Josh probably had a point. Tyler himself could barely name everyone in their grade, and half of them he’s known since middle school.

“I don’t think anyone else at our school would’ve taken me in like you did.. A lot of them probably would’ve just left me,” Josh said with a fond smile, “It’s kinda like Frankenstein don’t you think? All the lightning… you could make an awesome mad scientist.”

Tyler scoffed, “Not really. Victor Frankenstein hated his creation. I don’t hate you one bit.”

Josh laughed, rubbing his pale face a bit like Josh had expected his cheeks to heat up, “I think I’ve gotten that concept now.”

The corner of Tyler’s lips curled up into a small smile, and it felt so genuine to himself—and even if it was small he hadn’t smiled so fondly, without hesitation, in a long time.

Josh stared at Tyler, his pupils almost blown wide as he just… watched. He was so shameless at doing it too, like he did it often. He was quiet before speaking up.

“What do you think is going to happen to me?”

Tyler’s head perked up and his smile quickly faded, “What do you mean?”

“I mean… this is the best condition my body is going to be in, what do you think is going to happen? Honest to… everything, my body hurts, and it feels like my skin is slowly being ripped apart.”

Tyler winced at the explanation, but Josh just kept speaking.

“… and… I can almost feel how still everything in my body is. I feel like nothing is working, I know it isn’t. I don’t even know if my heart’s working because of the lightning shock or if it stopped a long time ago and I’m still somehow going…

“Why did it have to be me who cheated death? How is that fair to anyone?” Josh asked, starting to look panicked, like everything was starting to crash and burn again. It seemed like Tyler had been a distraction, but not a good enough one after he was done talking.

Tyler slowly got closer, holding a hand out to try and get Josh to calm down a bit, because panicking wouldn’t help anyone in this situation. But honestly, he was still scared to get near Josh a little.

“Hey- calm down a bit-“

“Calm down? Don’t tell me to calm down when I’m just dying all over again.” Josh whisper yelled, trying to not alarm Tyler’s family but it was becoming increasingly difficult through his fear and frustration.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry-“ Tyler said, stopping a few feet away from Josh, “We’ll figure this out, we’re gonna figure it out together before it gets any worse. Maybe we’ll be able to figure out how to… how to revive you.”

Tyler didn’t mean to say it with such determination, but that’s how it sounded when he tried to reassure Josh. Josh almost laughed at him, but it seemed like the declaration was confident enough for Josh to get distracted again.

“So you’re really gonna go all mad scientist on me?”

“Whatever keeps you alive.”

—

“Was making the basement this cold necessary at all?” Josh asked Tyler, holding onto his own arms as his fingers dug in.

“Is it really that bad?” Tyler responded, looking around the basement. “Too much?”

“Way too much.”

After their initial conversation, Tyler had immediately tried to do research in the least suspicious way to try and keep Josh’s body from decaying. The thought alone was enough to make him shiver if the basement's temperature wasn’t enough already, but he couldn’t even imagine what it must feel like. He was hoping the cold atmosphere would slow down that process, like a morgue.

Tyler had opted to open up the tiny windows in the basement. Since it was getting colder out, he thought the wind would help bring in the cold weather—but he had to immediately put screens in all the windows so no extra bugs could bother Josh. Since the basement had its own AC, Tyler had turned it all the way up and just prayed his parents didn’t ask why the bill went up. He opened up all the vents so the basement could get that maximum airflow, and he even tried to bring fans down to have extra air just blowing around down by their feet.

“But when I looked it up it said it was okay.”

“I’m not a slab of meat, Ty, I’m still technically living. I feel like it’s a bit much.”

Tyler’s breath hitched a bit because of Josh using his nickname, and it almost sounded like Josh had been itching to use it because it came out so naturally. Only his family ever called him Ty, probably because he didn’t have many friends.

Josh turned off one of the fans, sighing a bit dejectedly. Tyler noticed it barely over the sounds of the other loud fans he had brought down, frowning a bit. Tyler was kind of treating him like that; just a piece of meat waiting to be served on a platter. Guilt filled him, and as much as he wanted to say sorry, he just couldn’t. He couldn’t say how afraid he was.

Josh then slowly sat himself down on the floor, wincing as he grabbed at his side. Tyler stared at him.

“I’m starting to miss my mom.” 

Tyler’s heart broke, but he didn’t say anything in response—which made Josh start speaking again.

“It feels like just a little bit ago I saw her, but I don’t even remember if we had a conversion… or- or if I did something? I don’t know. I haven’t gone long without seeing my family, I don’t think I won’t be able to not see them.”

Josh turned to look up at Tyler, “How do you think they’d react to seeing me? Do you think they’d want to?”

Tyler was frozen in place because of the question, gulping down anything that could come off as harsh. He didn’t want to bring up how Josh had died to him yet, it was too early. He didn’t want to talk about the abuse Josh had to go through leading up to his death, let alone the abuse that caused his death. He had to hold off… and also lie.

“I’m sure they would…” Tyler mumbled, looking down at the ground to avoid his eyes.

“Do you think we can? One last time?” Josh asked desperately, “I really want to see my mom… and my sisters and my brother… I don’t even know how I left them.”

“Maybe- but we have to-“

“Please.”

Tyler had to go quiet for a moment. He had to think.

“Do you think I should scope out the situation? Of your family?”

“Without me there? That’ll be weird…” Josh said but he rubbed the back of his neck and sighed like he was relieving a pain, “But I think it’s necessary. Tell me what they’re up to. I don’t want to scare them.”

Tyler swallowed, hard. He felt it in his chest that everything he was doing was a bad idea, that even bringing Josh in had been a bad choice. But he couldn’t say no, he couldn’t shake his head or reject a dead man’s wish—he felt like a sinner if he did otherwise.

Besides, it was a way to learn more about Josh without having to ask Josh directly—and even though Josh himself wasn’t scary, he just couldn’t ask him anything. Josh seemed so hopeful in Tyler, and he felt like he should already know all the answers to Josh’s questions… and he was going to try.

If he were honest, Josh didn’t look to be in any condition to be anywhere outside. In his mind, he was scared to even let Josh out… almost a possessive feeling was washing over him. He wanted to keep him downstairs in his basement, away from the elements as he tried to help. He wanted to keep him safe. He wanted to…

Tyler had to zone back in. He took in a big breath.

“This afternoon. How does that sound?”

Chapter Text

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 28th, 2006

Tyler was covering his ears as everyone piled into the classroom. It was an overwhelming amount of people, too many, and it’s not like he had anything to calm him down at that moment. He didn’t have any earbuds, anything to fidget with, just himself as he had to try and distract himself from the burning feeling in his stomach and the pounding in his head that the people around him caused.

His breathing was admittedly quick, and anyone around him probably could notice the mini panic attack he was having just by the way he was slouched over in his chair, and also trying to block his face in case he started to cry. Not like he hadn’t cried in class before, just not straight up bawling like he usually did whenever he had a panic attack. The worst it got during school was him freezing up so much that he locked his knees, which caused him to almost pass out—no tears required.

The last thing he needed was a lesson on how to write your resume. This was supposed to be a journalism class, and the only thing Tyler had managed to journal was how depressed he had gotten while taking the class. It was difficult in its own right, especially with an idiotic teacher who thought they were so stupid that she spelled out the word, “know”.

Most of the class were seniors just trying to get their last English credit before going to college, most hadn’t expected for the class to be so difficult. It was pretty common for him to hear people complaining after a test, or during a test people seemed to give up in the middle of it. Tyler found it stupid himself, and he didn’t even know how he managed to get a B- in this class.

“Tyler?” called a very familiar voice in front of him. His heart was already beating pretty fast, but the voice made just his heart stop. He looked up, seeing who was staring over his desk when he saw the familiar face.

Dyed blue hair that admittedly, looked pretty damaged, but the way he managed to style made it look perfect just for his head. Round and dark pupils, that in the shitty light of the school (that was saved by the window light) almost looked like a soft hazel. Thinly arched eyebrows and slightly pale skin that Tyler swore looked soft to the touch. As much as he wanted to reach out and just touch it, he had to stop himself from doing so.

Josh smiled at him once he looked up, but his head jerked softly to the side as his face contorted into worry for Tyler. “Hey dude, you alright?”

Josh leaned down, and Tyler shrunk down into his seat underneath his eyes. Not that he was afraid of him or anything… he hoped. Quite the opposite. He really wanted to be friends with Josh, and Josh seemed to be the same way—but Tyler’s awkwardness got in the way, which made it hard for him to be able to just make one friend or move.

“Fine.” Tyler said in a shaky voice that made it clear that he was obviously not fine. Tyler mentally dug a hole for himself right then and there, curling up inside of it.

“I wanted to ask you a question,” Josh said, trying to move on and break some sort of silence between them.

Tyler nodded, swallowing so harshly he was sure Josh had heard it, because Josh chuckled.

“You’re gonna do basketball this year, right? Like last year?”

Tyler’s eyebrows furrowed, last year? How did Josh even know about that? But he did recall Josh often going to his basketball games, even if he hadn’t remembered it because Josh’s hair had been his natural color. The more he thought about it, the more he realized just how often Josh would show up at his games. The thought made him go red, and Josh narrowed his eyes at him which made Tyler go more red.

Tyler nodded, “That’s… that’s the plan. I always play basketball.”

“Sweet,” Josh said quietly—practically cheesing, “You should tell me whenever you have a game coming up, maybe I’ll go and cheer you on.”

“You can just check on the bulletin, they always have it listed when there’s going to be a game.”

Josh stood there for a moment, like he wanted to say something else, but he gave up with a sigh and rubbed the back of his neck—and that’s how Tyler knew he fumbled something and he internally cringed at himself.

Tyler then focused on the way Josh’s hand was running across his desk, how his fingers were just feeling around the smooth, cold texture the desk had. Tyler felt himself starting to think, but really think. He didn’t know why, but his thoughts moved to just what it would be like to be friends with Josh.

What music did he like? What did he even like doing outside of school? He knew he was in a band… which was pretty cool. Really cool. Almost like a breathless feeling. He knew he played drums, which was even cooler. He wondered if he acted any different than how he did now, all the things he could find out if he just talked to the dude. But he couldn’t. His heart just beats too fast whenever he was around him, so much so he felt like he was dying. His thoughts almost stopped, and he was so distracted with just staring that he forgot to even say anything to Josh.

Just like he was doing now.

Tyler blinked a few times and looked back up at Josh, but Josh was kind of just standing there—almost like he didn’t just want to sit down. Tyler pressed his lips together, gaining a wave of courage to speak again.

“I think… seeing you at my games would be… great though.”

Saved it, because Josh looked up with a small smile. Tyler wanted to jump up and down at that alone for some reason, like his heart was going to jump out of his chest and do everything for him. He blinked up at Josh, and he noticed Josh’s cheeks flush a familiar soft pink. Josh had to look down, licking his lips to make them look glossy—kind of like how some of the girls at school would have their lips. He never usually liked the look, but it made him stare at Josh’s lips for a bit longer than he intended before he sat straighter in his chair.

The final bell rang out, and Josh had to force himself to sit down, his hand running across Tyler’s desk before he sat down more near the back of the class.

Tyler sighed, his nerves falling. They were still on alert, since they were getting tests back that day—otherwise, he felt more comfortable. Though, he swore he felt eyes melting holes into the back of his head from the back of the classroom.

— 

C+

Tyler hadn’t taken much time to read any of the useless notes that the teacher had left for him, because no matter how much he tried to follow said notes—his grades remained the same.

As the bell finally rang out, everyone started to file out the classroom; along with the teacher to watch the hallways. Tyler was usually the last one out, just so he wouldn’t get shoved around in the hallway. He got out of his chair slowly, grabbing his backpack before he felt a tap on his shoulder.

“Tyler?” asked Josh’s voice, almost fearful.

Tyler whipped his head around, seeing Josh, gripping his paper like his life depended all on the 3 slips of paper with red marking. Josh was staring at him; eyebrows furrowed and an almost tearful looking gaze as he barely managed his emotions. It made Tyler’s heart drop, so deep it reached his stomach and made it burn. He hated it, because he had only ever known Josh to be so… satisfied.

“What grade did you get?” Josh asked quickly, his hand gripping onto Tyler’s arm suddenly—like he was losing balance. Tyler stumbled on his words and told him straight away.

“C+.” He said, his voice shaky. “Why? What?”

Josh shook his head and hid his face behind his paper. Tyler could faintly hear Josh murmuring “no” to himself over and over again. Tyler blinked everything away, swallowing it down.

“What?” Tyler repeated, gently trying to grab Josh’s paper. It was a bit hard without ripping Josh’s paper because of how fiercely he was holding the sheet, but without much more effort Josh let it go; the paper crinkled to match where Josh’s fingers had been.

Tyler looked down at it, reading each page before looking at the grade.

F+

Tyler frowned at it. He knew it had been a hard test, it really had. No one really ever got good grades in this class, and he just felt terrible seeing that Josh was clearly struggling with it. Tyler was about to say something, but when he looked up; Josh’s eyes were turned to his feet, biting his nail nervously as he shifted from foot to foot. And then he said something.

“My Dad’s gonna kill me.”

Tyler scoffed at first, only because it was such an absurd statement. But, when taking another look at Josh, he suddenly only felt fear for him. He looked so serious, and scared. It wasn’t a, “I’m going to be yelled at really bad” kind of troubled look, but more like a, “my dad is probably going to put a gun to my head if I don’t fix the grade” kind of look.

He shivered, glancing back down at the paper before looking up at Josh.

“It-... It was a hard test, man.” Tyler tried to say as reassurance before continuing, “I mean I barely did any better-”

“But you passed , I didn’t even get that.”

“I know- I know,” Tyler said, “But… but maybe I could help you or something? Maybe I could help you correct the test so you can get a better grade? Like, you come over or something?”

Tyler felt like the words passed out too easily. He just asked Josh to hang out, at his house. That was odd in itself, especially for him, but he felt like Josh needed it. But he immediately felt regret, a deep, deep regret.

Josh looked hopeful, like Tyler had saved him.

“You’d do that?”

Tyler nodded, responding back simply, “Yeah.”

Josh sighed, almost in relief, “Today?”

Tyler winced. He looked down, trying to think. He couldn’t do it today, Tyler was a mess as it was, but when was he never? He had so much homework, and he also had all his chores, and his room looked like where depression walked if not inside people. He didn’t want Josh to see that, not today.

“Not today,” Tyler mumbled, “Tomorrow?”

Josh shook his head, frantically, swallowing hard and looking around like someone was there to get him. He was practically shaking, and couldn’t sit still. Tyler wanted to console him, but Josh seemed to be in his own world.

“C’mon, please? This afternoon?” Josh pleaded.

“I’m sorry- I don’t think I can.” Tyler responded shakily.

“Please. I can’t go home. I don’t think I can.”

Tyler’s shivers turned into shakes, and he felt trapped in a situation that he both wanted to help but escape from at the same time. “What about any of your other friends?”

“They wouldn’t help me the way you do.”

Tyler stood in place. He stared. He blinked increasingly less, like if he looked away, Josh would just leave. Josh was pretty much doing the same thing, his hand still on Tyler’s arm. Josh’s look was begging, begging for some sort of help he didn’t have the right answer to. He knew if he refused, there was going to be a punishment, but even then, he thought of himself as not the right choice. The right person. He knew he wasn’t. Not for Josh.

Tyler shook his head stupidly. “I’m sorry. Tomorrow.”

Josh let out a cry, something pitiful and shaky, he had to cover his face–his hand holding onto Tyler’s chair now for balance.

“It’s okay. It’s okay.” Josh said with a harsh tremble in his voice, his forearm going up and covering his eyes. He took in a long breath that made Tyler flinch, gaspy and holding something worse in. “Tomorrow. Okay.” Josh agreed.

Then, Josh went in for a hug. Not a full one, but it was almost like he was trying to see how Tyler would react to it, like Josh knew something Tyler didn’t.

Tyler just went for a small hug. It was quick, but a hug none the less. Tyler was sure Josh could feel his heart, because Tyler could feel Josh’s–and Josh faintly laughed through tears. Josh’s heart felt so fast, Tyler thought he had stopped breathing. It was so terrifying, because it was something he hadn’t felt from anyone else before. It was so unique, and it was his and Josh’s moment.

Josh pulled away, his eyes almost squinted as he sniffled. He patted Tyler’s shoulder, “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

And then Josh left the classroom, without another word. Tyler realized he was still holding Josh’s paper, and as much as he wanted to call out to Josh and give it to him–he didn’t think that Josh would ever take it, let alone look at it. Tyler stared down at it, Josh’s handwriting across the page with scribbles and alien doodles around the page. Some questions were even left unanswered, or had question marks next to them with harsh comments from the teacher. Tyler swallowed harshly, and the bell ringing to signal he had 1 minute to get to class being the only thing to snap him out of it.

Tyler jolted, rolling the paper up and shoving it into his pocket as he sped walked out of the class.

—

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 29th, 2006

Tyler came in the next day with the intention of checking on Josh.

He walked into the classroom just a bit later, just so he could walk up to Josh’s desk first instead of Josh walking up to his. He didn’t want Josh to think he was avoiding him, just that he wanted time to think… mostly about him, but still.

Tyler walked in, holding his breath. He walked to his seat and let his bag hit the ground before looking at the back of the class–getting ready to waltz on over to Josh.

But… there was nothing. No one there. Tyler frowned, his eyebrow raising. He tilted his head and looked back at the door and sat down in his chair a bit dejectedly. Where was he? He was usually in class by now, he would’ve thought. Tyler frowned, staring at the door–also only looking up from his desk to see who walked in, always hoping it would be Josh.

The classroom was quieter than usual. Tyler didn’t feel the need to cover his ears this time.

He looked around, before the teacher walked in with a gaunt expression.

“Hello, everyone.” She said quietly, bringing her hands together and standing right up against the wall in front of everyone. “I know some might not be doing so well today, and some of us already know the reason for that.” The teacher said, and Tyler looked confused. He looked around, and he did notice the grim faces. He suddenly felt worried, trying to zone back into the teacher as his thoughts ran wild.

“As some may know, we had an unfortunate passing last night of a student.”

Oh, that probably meant Josh just stayed home because he had been friends with him.

“And that person was in this class.”

Maybe he’d try and give him a call after school. To check in. Maybe he wasn’t feeling well and Tyler needed to give him his school work.

“In the back of the classroom.”

Oh no.

“Josh Dun, as you may have heard.”

Tyler’s entire body felt like it had been shattered into dust, and he was being blown through the wind. He was frozen, yet he was shaking. He couldn't stop, there wasn’t stopping it. His hands wouldn't stop, nothing would stop. His thoughts, his mind, his body, his fucking heart.

“It was an attack on his family… but I will not be able to disclose much more than that.”

He could’ve saved him.

All he had to have done was let Josh over. Maybe that would’ve saved him. Tyler felt a warm tear on his suddenly pale and clammy body. He couldn’t believe it, there wasn’t any way that was true. Tyler had just saw him yesterday. Yesterday.

Yesterday.

Yesterday.

Tyler felt like he was going to pass out.

Was anyone else feeling like this? Was he the only one? Was this God’s cruel punishment? He couldn’t think of it any other way. He couldn’t see it any other way than he was. It was serious to him. Why was it so serious to him? Josh and him weren’t close. But they were. They had been. The intentions of them being close had been there, they had connected, even if they didn’t fully push their ways to be near each other, they were connected. And Tyler hated it. He hated how he hadn’t taken advantage of it.

He heard a few cries behind him, a few short ones as the teacher vividly spoke. Tyler tuned it out, not being able to move. Or speak.

—

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 7th, 2006

That’s what Tyler thought about as he walked to Josh’s house. He wouldn’t call it a home, Josh never seemed comfortable enough with it to call it such. Tyler realized Josh hadn’t remembered a single thing of the day he died, and honestly, Tyler couldn’t be more grateful for it. He didn’t want Josh to remember any more pain than he already was feeling–physically and mentally, nor did he want Josh to remember their conversation. The one that could’ve saved Josh. The one that could’ve helped him.

Tyler had left Josh behind, only because he hadn’t wanted Josh to feel like he needed to see his family. As much as he wanted Josh to see his family, he knew literally anyone else would be terrified at the sight of Josh.

Especially his family.

The ones who saw him die at the hands of the family's father.