Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Minsoo is the first of them to fall. The bullets hit him in quick succession and from all directions, but the shooters disappear just as quickly, so nobody knows where to look once the shooting stops.

He’s strangely pleased about this, however. With him out of the firezone so quickly, this also means he gets to rest early. And for Bang Minsoo, long-suffering leader of Korean boy band Teen Top, this is the only thing he’s been looking forward to all day.

Byunghun offers a hand to help him up, but Minsoo wants to be dramatic and grasps his hand instead. “Avenge me, brothers,” he says, but only Byunghun takes his dying words to heart.

Jonghyun’s face is all business as he nudges Byunghun, silently telling him to leave Minsoo behind if he wants to stay on the ground so badly. “We can get them there,” he advises, pointing to the flat ground behind a small slope.

Byunghun nods and moves out with his teammate, but not before throwing Minsoo one last glance.

Minsoo is sleeping peacefully on the ground. As far as he’s concerned, his role in this story is finished. He rolls over to his side, stays there for a few minutes, then decides to get up and find a bench to lie down on, because the sun is murderous and even with his shades on, this heat is really not something anyone would want to lie down in.

He stands up and lumbers away to the locker rooms.

Team C.A.P.’s November Rappers is named this way, because nobody could agree on a proper team name. Minsoo wants to name them after himself, Byunghun wants to honor their birth months, while Jonghyun is adamant at being considered a rapper like his seniors. Byunghun, fed up with his members' antics, firmly suggests that they put all of the suggestions together if it will make everyone happy. The resulting name is an incomprehensible word salad that nobody wants to say out loud, but at least the three of them are satisfied. 

Their opponents’ team name is Team Others, but they are only known as this to Team C.A.P.’s November Rappers.

If you asked Chanhee, Daniel, and Changhyun, however, Team Others would much rather be called Team Double-V, because they are Teen Top’s Visual Vocals. The team name is, of course, met with resistance by everyone who isn’t on Team Double-V, and because Team Double-V is a very stubborn team, they refuse to listen to the opinions of people who cannot carry a note.

“I can sing,” Jonghyun protests.

“You’re a rapper, remember?” Changhyun retorts.

“Minsoo’s the only one who can’t sing here,” Byunghun says.

“You can’t sing either,” Daniel answers.

Byunghun glares at Daniel. “I can. Ask Minsoo.”

Minsoo glares at Byunghun. “You’re a rapper.”

“It’s hot today,” Chanhee says, because bringing up the weather seems the most productive thing to do after everyone finishes arguing with each other. 

Suddenly, Changhyun feels a fantastic idea coming on and snaps his fingers to confirm this. “We need to change our team name,” he says.

“What for?” Niel asks.

“We should be called Team Triple-V from now on,” Changhyun says, his chest already beginning to swell with pride at his quick wit. “Because the third V will stand… for Victory.”

“Great idea!” Niel claps his hands excitedly. And then, as if sharing one mind, they begin to form a giant V with their bodies. Changhyun leans over to touch his left toes, while Daniel does the same to touch his right toes.

But Chanhee wants to join in their heroic poses too, so he forms an extra V in their center. Their ending pose resembles a muddled W instead, and Team C.A.P.’s November Rappers is not moved by the display.

“What are you doing!” Changhyun explodes at Chanhee and shoves him away.

“Triple-V,” Minsoo snickers. “More like Visual Vocals are Very… uh... Very Bad.”

He trails off and ends in such a lame and anti-climactic manner, that the diss is ignored by everybody present.

Jonghyun slaps his dejected leader’s back good-naturedly. “You tried,” he consoles.

“Hey, are you even a rapper?” Chanhee says, pointing a taunting finger at Minsoo. “I thought you were a rapper.”

“Maybe you should leave the insulting to us,” Byunghun says, covering his face in embarrassment.

Daniel and Changhyun try to reform their heroic V sign again, but Chanhee knocks their heads and demands that they take the game seriously. Byunghun throws them a sympathetic glance. It isn’t easy being teammates with a Blood B Brother.

Today is the first time in a while that their game of Rock, Paper, Scissors works out well for everybody, because not one member is stuck with both Blood B Brothers on the same team. In spite of the heat and the threat of buying lunch for the winners afterwards, it's hard for the other blood types to see this as a totally bad situation. 

They fiddle with their vests and check their weapons before heading out to the field. Nobody can remember whose idea it was to play paintball at this time, but they all remember that the losers have to buy lunch for the winners. This is motivation enough for them to give this game their all. Because they are a single, cohesive unit of young men who sing and dance for a living, everyone is united in their conviction to not buy anything for anyone. 

Outside, the buzzer sounds and once they conclude their mandatory exchange of threats and glares, everyone heads out to earn their free lunch.

Team C.A.P.’s November Rappers avenge Minsoo’s early loss by taking out Chanhee next, but this only happens because he’s clumsy enough to expose himself to them.

As Team Triple-V moves into a more strategic position behind some stray barrels, Chanhee’s feet get tangled up in each other and he falls to the ground. Byunghun takes advantage of this, takes his aim, and fires at the barrels instead of Chanhee.

Chanhee stops trying to get up and opts to point a finger at Byunghun and laugh. After several tries, a frustrated Byunghun is finally able to land one on Chanhee’s chest.

Team Triple-V is now short one member, but Chanhee is still laughing.

Jonghyun slaps a hand on Byunghun’s back in congratulations. “What did Minsoo say to you anyway?" he asks, wondering if Minsoo had any practical advice to give them. "I couldn’t hear him.”

Byunghun shrugs. “I don’t know. I couldn’t hear him through his helmet either.”

“Well, if it’s you and me, we can take them. They’re both slower and I don’t think they know how to use these guns.”

“Don’t be too sure,” Byunghun warns. “I’ve seen them on the computer. Their aiming skills are very good.”

“You’re just saying that because you keep losing those games.”

Byunghun kicks Jonghyun’s shins and punches his arm for good measure. “You don’t even play games anyway, what do you know?”

“At least I’m bigger,” Jonghyun gloats and immediately runs away before Byunghun can smack him again.

It takes an extremely well-coordinated attack to take Jonghyun down.

All Changhyun needs to do is present himself as an easy target to take down by dancing in the middle of some open ground. Changhyun does not want to do this, but because Daniel is older, he is forced to sacrifice his body and his dignity if it will bring food to his team’s stomachs.

His efforts pay off.

Because Jonghyun does not play computer games, he does not know a trap when he sees one, so he pounces on the opportunity and stands up to take his shot. But before he can squeeze the trigger, Daniel shows up out of nowhere and lands some shots on his vulnerable body.

Jonghyun hits the ground hard and hears Byunghun’s mocking voice from somewhere. “Serves you right, you noob!”

Jonghyun does not play computer games, but he definitely knows what a noob is. He wants to do something offensive to salvage his pride, but the gloves are kind of heavy, so he settles for waving an angry hand at his unhelpful teammate instead.

It’s just as effective as his more offensive option, because Byunghun materializes from his hiding spot, comes over, and kicks Jonghyun’s ribs before going off to find the rest of Team Triple-V.

Team Triple-V is is going to lose this game, but because they don’t know it yet, Daniel and Changhyun are walking without a care, still on a high after their last kill.

“Now, only Byunghun’s left,” Niel says. “We’re going to win that lunch, Changhyun, I can smell it.”

Changhyun rubs his stomach absent-mindedly. “This was too easy. Byunghun’s lousy at video games too, I won’t be surprised if he loses this one.”

Pleased with their near-victory, the remainders of Team Triple-V amble aimlessly through the rest of the course. Because they are confident that they only have one person to worry about now, they let their guards down without caring about the consequences.

“Unlucky King Lee Byunghun,” Changhyun sings.

“He’s going to buy us free lunch,” Niel answers.

Changhyun raises an eyebrow. “That doesn’t even rhyme.”

“It so does,” Niel defends himself.

While they are arguing, they are also beginning to think of lunch. And because they are already thinking of lunch, they run straight into their consequence. Their consequence is named Lee Byunghun, and he’s aiming his weapon right at them. Team Triple-V reacts as anyone would react under similar stress and duress.

They panic.

“Run, Changhyun!” Niel cries, but he doesn’t get very far before Byunghun’s paintball bullet hits his back.

Changhyun, seeing that he’s the last man standing for Team Triple-V now, uses his biggest weapon to try and win his attacker over. But because only Minsoo is affected by Changhyun’s charms and because Byunghun can already smell the fried meat he’s having for lunch, Changhyun’s cute smile is rendered useless.

The gods decide to smile on Byunghun that day.

With Changhyun taken down by the improbable Byunghun, Team C.A.P.’s November Rappers win the game and their free lunch.

Except they don’t, because nobody else brings their wallet that day besides Minsoo. It’s the group’s final practical joke on their leader before going home to rest and even if Team C.A.P.’s November Rappers wins the game, Bang Minsoo is an inconsolable mess at the restaurant.

“There, there.” Byunghun is the only one concerned by Minsoo’s sulking. “At least the meat is good.”

“Our leader really is the best,” Niel says before taking a big chomp out of his chicken leg. “You’re not such a bad guy once you put your wallet to it, Minsoo. Don’t listen to the reports and anyone else who thinks otherwise.”

Chanhee laughs as he helps Jonghyun cook the meat. “That’s what you get for trying to leave the game early. See? Cheaters never prosper.”

Jonghyun nods and confirms everyone's suspicions. “I was there. He seemed really happy he was the first guy who lost.”

“What, really?” Changhyun says in astonishment, not knowing what to do with his respect for their leader after hearing this piece of information. On one hand, Minsoo’s paid for their lunch. On the other hand, he is still a lazy piece of work.

“I don’t see why you’re so bothered anyway,” Niel says, finally feeling sorry for Minsoo and passing him a thick slice of meat. “The oldest members always pay for the food anyway. And besides, we didn’t bring our wallets today, so it's kind of not our fault. We’ll make up for this, we promise.”

“Yeah, but we won,” Minsoo sulks, but accepts Niel’s small act of mercy by chewing on the meat slice. "This goes against the basic principles of everything."

“Nope, Byunghun won,” Chanhee corrects. “So, he doesn’t have to pay. You, on the other hand, didn’t even try to win. Did you even try to win?”

“Well, yeah.”

“No, you just stood there,” Changhyun accuses.

“Okay fine, I just wanted to sleep,” Minsoo surrenders. “But it was so hot and I was so tired.”

“It’s not our fault you stayed up past midnight playing LOL again,” Chanhee says.

“Hey, it was a good game and I made many good memories with everyone who was online last night,” Minsoo says.

“Whatever,” Jonghyun says. “At least we're eating something good for lunch today. Thank you, leader.”

Minsoo only waves the comment aside, because he is already used to Jonghyun's insincere tendencies. 

Byunghun continues to pat Minsoo on the shoulder consolingly. Minsoo leans into the contact, because Byunghun is the only one at the table who understands.

“We’re never playing paintball again,” Minsoo declares, exercising his authority for the first time in weeks.

To nobody’s surprise, nobody tries to rebut this statement.

Everyone, that is, except Jonghyun.

“Will anyone teach me how to play virtual paintball, though?”

Byunghun kicks him under the table. “Shut up and eat your food, noob.”

Jonghyun smirks, but he keeps silent and finishes his lunch.  

Chapter Text

It’s when they’re lounging around the living room, eating Byunghun’s cereals and watching television that the topic of body mass is brought up. Lately, it had been a very delicate and hot issue among the members, because it had become quite obvious to them that, after hitting their early twenties, their youthful looks had been steadily declining.

“Changhyun, obviously,” Daniel said without a second thought. “He’s always eating.”

“Oh no,” Chanhee said, quick to rebut this claim. “It’s got to be Minsoo. He’s always sleeping.”

“Well, I think it’s Chanhee!” Changhyun exclaimed proudly.

Daniel and Chanhee stared at him.

“What? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“I’m the visual, I can’t get fat.”

“That’s right, because his face is already so small. If he gets any fatter, it’ll be a disgrace.”

Chanhee shoved Daniel.

Daniel shoved Changhyun.

“What was that for!”

“Explain yourself.” Chanhee huffed.

Changhyun opened his mouth, but began to stammer as soon as he saw the murderous expression on Chanhee’s face. “It’s your…” he flailed for words. “It’s your face. You know? With a face like that, you’re practically destined to get fat.”

“That made absolutely no sense,” Chanhee said. He turned to Daniel. “Did that make sense to you?”

Daniel shrugged. “Kind of.”

Changhyun raised his arms victoriously.

“You’re just saying that because you don’t think I’m sexy enough.”

“Angels think Byunghun is sexy,” Changhyun said.

The two stared at him for a grand total of three seconds before shaking their heads violently.

“You guys are too mean,” Changhyun accused.

Daniel raised a hand. “Hey, to be fair, I gave it some very serious thought.”

“Byunghun isn’t the sexiest member of Teen Top.” Chanhee said with a vicious arrogance. “He isn’t even the sexiest member of anything.”

“Someone’s insecure.” Daniel snickered.

Chanhee flung some cereals at him. “If we’re talking sexy, though, I think I fit the bill pretty well.”

“What are you talking about?” Changhyun argued. “I’m obviously the sexiest here. Talk to anyone, they’ll tell you all about how Ricky’s evolved from child wonder to full-grown sexy man beast.”

“Nobody says that.”

“Nobody asked you, Niel.”

“The reason why neither of you is sexy,” Chanhee said. “Is because neither of you are the visuals. I’m the visual of this team, so I’m obviously very sexy.”

“No, you’re the visual of this team because your face is pretty,” Changhyun said. “Sexiness has nothing to do with it. Besides, sexy rhymes with Ricky, so I guess it was already destined from the start.”

“Sexy rhymes with Chunji too.”

“Your body has to be on-point if you want to be sexy,” Changhyun said. “And you have the flexibility of a log. Now, Ricky, on the other hand…”

Daniel laughed at Changhyun’s logic. “But that’s where you’re wrong. Sexiness starts with the eyes, and none of you have sexier eyes than me. I can stare anyone into submission.”

Chanhee scoffed. “Yeah, if you want them to submit in laughter.” He shook his head. “Besides, what use are your eyes if your lips ruin everything else?”

“But my lips are my ultimate charm!” Daniel cried. “You’re just jealous ‘cause you’re getting fat.”

Chanhee threw himself at Daniel. Meanwhile, Changhyun was carefully going over some other crucial details.

“If we’re talking body sexiness though,” he said. “Maybe Jonghyun’s got this one in the bag.”

“Make up your mind,” Daniel said from the floor.

It took all of two seconds before Changhyun arrived at a decision. “Nope, I’ve decided. Ricky is definitely the sexiest.”

Byunghun wandered into the room, scratching his stomach idly. He was hoping to get some of the cereals he'd had this morning to eat in his room.

“Admit you’re wrong and call me sexy!” Chanhee screamed from his position on Daniel’s back. “Both of you!” Somehow, he’d gotten Changhyun pinned down with Daniel as well.

Byunghun took one look at them, then quickly retreated to his room, deciding that now was probably not the time to grab some bites.

In a sudden burst of strength, Daniel sat up and managed to throw both members off his back. “I have an idea,” he declared. “Let’s wait for Minsoo to come home, then we can ask him what he thinks.”

“Why?” Changhyun looked confused. “Is this because he’s oldest?”

“But Minsoo’s got the sex appeal of a rock!” Chanhee said. “He’s just cool and manly. He wouldn’t know sexy if it sat on his lap and gave him a dance!”

“But that’s the whole point of being sexy,” Daniel explained with all the patience of a frazzled kindergarten teacher. “You have to be able to seduce all sorts of people with your charms. I can stare at him until he calls me sexy, Changhyun can do some stretches, and Chanhee…”

Chanhee beamed hopefully at him.

“Chanhee can stand somewhere and look pretty.”

Chanhee pouted. “I can sing for him.”

“No singing.”

“And I can also –”

“No dancing either.”

“… Fine.”

“I’m only saying this for your own good. You can’t dance without getting into accidents.” Niel crossed his arms defiantly. “Go on, tell me it’s not true.”

“It’s not true,” Chanhee lied pathetically.

But Changhyun was still looking confused. “I don’t like this idea so much. Doing that in front of Minsoo’s just too awkward. And weird!"

“You wimp,” Chanhee said, but he was secretly ecstatic that he had one less person to worry about now.

“You know, in retrospect, I guess this probably wasn’t one of my better ideas,” Daniel said, now beginning to regret his life decisions.

Changhyun flopped down in front of the TV and began to eat the abandoned cereals. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you guys.”

Chanhee grabbed the cereal box from Changhyun’s hands. “Prepare to lose, Niel. Let your senior teach you the ways of seducing a person.”

Changhyun scoffed. “Yeah, seducing Minsoo. Good luck.”

Chanhee paled, but only slightly. “My sexiness will work on anybody. Guaranteed.”

At his declaration of war, Daniel had no choice but to get motivated as well. “Oh, he'll pick me," he said, all confident and cool. "Niel is way sexier than Chunji. It's obvious."

"Your lips are obvious."

Daniel made gross kissing sounds at Chanhee in response.

“Hey, we need your help,” Chanhee said as soon as Minsoo stepped into the dorms.

“Yes, what is it,” he said, not wanting to know.

“It’s important that we get your serious input on this,” Niel said.

Minsoo tried to sidestep the two. “Okay, I understand.”

“Teen Top’s future depends on it!” That was Jonghyun, who’d voluntarily inserted himself into the competition to take his friend Changhyun’s place.

Minsoo groaned upon seeing that all avenues for his exit had been blocked. “What is it then?” He prayed silently that whatever it was the three were planning, it had better be quick. After a long day at the studio, all Minsoo really wanted right now was to sleep.

And quite possibly, a few drinks also. The looks in his members’ eyes did not look good.

“We need you to tell us – stay still!” Chanhee re-positioned himself, so that Minsoo could not get away. “We need you to tell us who the sexiest member of Teen Top is.”

Minsoo relaxed and stopped struggling to get out of Niel and Jonghyun’s iron grips. “Oh, is that it?” he asked. “Isn’t it obvious? I always thought it was me.”

Beside him, Niel let out a king-sized sigh. “I told you he’d be like this.”

“Shut up, this was your idea,” Chanhee snarled.

“Maybe he needs a demonstration,” Jonghyun suggested, much to Minsoo’s alarm.

Niel nodded, blind to his leader’s growing distress. “Great idea. Minsoo, stop moving already! Didn’t we tell you this was important?”

“My sleep is important,” Minsoo said, but nobody heard him.

“Trust us, this is going to hurt us more than this is going to hurt you,” Chanhee said. “Now hold still, we planned this all out. Jonghyunnie will dance for you, Niel will stare you into submission, while I will do something completely different and it will blow your mind.”

For some reason, the only word that registered in Minsoo’s head was the word ‘blow,’ and because Chanhee was the one who had said it, the word ‘blow’ became a hundred times more sinister and foreboding than ever before.  

Minsoo did not like the sound of any of that. “I don’t like the sound of any of that.”

Jonghyun shook his head. “Tsk, when did you become so selfish? I thought you were our leader.” He strutted over to the center of the living room and began doing some stretches. “If you say that I’m the sexiest, I’ll buy you dinner.”

“Hey!” Niel yelled. He shoved Minsoo down onto the sofa. “No under-the-table deals!”

Jonghyun huffed. “Fine.”

Minsoo was still struggling to escape. “Guys, please, I just want to sleep. Please let me sleep.”

“No sleep for you until you can tell us which one you think is sexiest,” Chanhee said, now taking off his jacket. “And just between you and me, Minsoo, I really do think it’s me. Think of your special videos. It’d be a shame if someone… Deleted them.”

Minsoo paled.

“Hey!” Niel yelled. “No blackmail!”

Chanhee crossed his arms. “You’re just jealous you didn’t think of it first.”

“Hey!” Niel yelled at Minsoo. “You took all those pictures of me before, right? Tell me that’s got to mean something!”

“He has pictures of me in his phone too,” Jonghyun said.

“He has pictures of all of us,” Chanhee said.

“He has no pictures of you in his phone,” Niel said.

Chanhee glared at Minsoo. “Why am I not on your phone? I’m not good-looking enough for your storage space, is that it?”

Niel was in gleeful stitches at Chanhee’s misfortune. “That just means I’m his favorite.” Here, he side-eyed Jonghyun. “He has more pictures of me in his phone than you or anyone in this house. Don’t even try to deny my sexiness now.”

“A lot can change in five years,” Jonghyun said. “Things’ll be different as soon as I finish with him tonight.”

Minsoo almost wanted to cry. He’d only been home for ten minutes, and his head was already drastically starting to ache. In between wondering when he became the proper authority for this silly game and what he did to everyone to deserve this, Minsoo almost gave in to their demands right then and there. But all thoughts of surrender screeched to a halt as soon as he saw his light of salvation walking across the room.

It was Byunghun, who was dressed to go out in search of the cereals that had eluded him all day.

Minsoo saw his opportunity and grabbed it.

“Help me, Byunghun,” he pleaded. But because Minsoo had a bad habit of laughing in uncomfortable situations, Byunghun was unable to tell whether he was being serious or not.

“They’re trying to seduce me, help!”

Byunghun decided not to take him seriously.

Before he could make it to the door, Byunghun felt someone tug on his arm urgently. He turned around and found Changhyun, who had seemingly appeared out of nowhere.

“He’s telling the truth,” Changhyun said and took a sip from a small carton of juice. Despite his urgent arm-tug, he was looking absolutely bored with the current state of affairs. “The guys have gone mad with the idea of sexiness.”

Byunghun did not want to know what he was talking about, but he spied a desperate Minsoo frantically nodding at them from his spot on the sofa. Byunghun decided to take them both seriously now, so he cleared the way for Minsoo to make his escape.

“Hey, Minsoo and I are going out for a while!” he said and was relieved to see that he was being ignored by the rioting members.

An ecstatic Minsoo leapt from the sofa and bounded over to the door, fully convinced that he could have kissed Changhyun on the spot for being such a beautiful guardian angel. But because he didn’t want to give anyone the wrong idea, he shoved Changhyun roughly instead to express his sincere and undying gratitude.

Changhyun kicked Minsoo’s shins to express his sincere and undying annoyance.

Minsoo ruffled his hair in reply. He was too giddy to care about physical punishments now.

Meanwhile, Byunghun was staring in complete disbelief at the rest of the members across them. A half-naked Jonghyun was attempting to do a thousand push-ups in a minute, a half-crazy Niel was making bedroom eyes at their turned-off television, and a half-witted Chanhee had taken off his jacket and was doing something nobody was able to properly describe.

“I don’t see what they’re all fighting about anyway,” Byunghun said. “I mean, isn’t it obvious that I’m the sexiest member of this team?”

Changhyun put down his juice carton. “Now wait a minute, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Isn’t that right, Minsoo?”

But Minsoo had already dashed out the door before anybody could get a coherent reply out of him. 

Chapter Text

The more Changhyun thought about it, the more it began to make sense.

He stared at a picture of the Avengers on Byunghun’s tablet, and while he’d have used his own, it’s currently not an option, as Niel has hijacked it for his own purposes. Changhyun pouted at the screen. Just because his tablet was still charging, did not give Niel the right to use other people’s units without permission. But Niel was taller and snarled like a pregnant mountain lioness when threatened, so Changhyun has opted to intently study the Avengers on Byunghun’s tablet instead. Besides, his train of thought was coming in quickly now, and Changhyun was worried that if he took his eyes off the picture for even a second, he’d lose track of everything.

So, he continued to stare at the picture, slowly counting the members posing on the screen.

Six of them and six of Teen Top.

It would make anyone wonder.

Teen Top as superheroes. Why hadn’t they done that before? 

Of course, Jonghyun would be The Hulk, because they’re both the biggest. They also had the best abs.

Although Jonghyun had long outgrown his explosive and unpredictable temper, everyone knew it was still there. All that sneaky guy was doing was hide it long enough until people forgot about it. And then, as soon as the opportunity presented itself, he'd suddenly let it all out on the poor, unfortunate person who'd pissed him off. Changhyun had been keeping tabs on his friend's daily moods, so he knew that it had been a while since the temper had shown itself. This meant that it was bound to come out soon, so the only thing left to do was start wondering who would be unlucky enough to get Jonghyun's anger full-force. It had to be someone who committed something very wrong very recently. 

Someone like Ahn Daniel.

Niel had, after all, unjustly taken away Changhyun's tablet for the simple and petty reason that his own tablet was still charging. All of which left Changhyun in the very precarious situation of choosing whose tablet to borrow in the meantime. Jonghyun was out on a schedule right now, while Minsoo was so glued to his own unit, he probably took it to bed with him every night – which was probably the reason why their leader didn’t have a girlfriend yet.

This left the ’93 liners.

Changhyun eventually settled for Byunghun, as Chanhee was much more terrifying when he was angry. Byunghun’s anger was instant and short-lived, but Chanhee was vengeful. Part of the torture was living in constant fear of his retribution. Never knowing when exactly he was going to strike - this was what was so terrifying and agonizing about Chanhee's revenge process. The guy just had the most uncanny timing, so that by the time you thought he’d forgotten all about it, you would have already lost. The moment you let your guard down was the exact moment he would strike.

And besides, Byunghun was still asleep, so Changhyun was able to swipe his tablet without a hitch.

And here he was now.

His eyes fell to Black Widow and Changhyun immediately decided that she was a perfect fit for Chanhee. Both of them were vengeful, spiteful, and the sneakiest people anyone knew. They both put up strong, uncaring fronts, but they weren’t fooling anybody. Like Black Widow, Chanhee cared deeply for his teammates, even if he didn’t show it a lot. Instead, the love came out in the little things, like his attempts to make dinner for them, his birthday greetings that came regularly without fail (it didn’t matter that he wasn’t always the first greeter, what mattered was that he never forgot anyone’s birthday), and his small acts of mercy when he’d only reveal your less embarrassing secrets on interviews.

They were both good-looking too, and while Changhyun will never give up the fight for Teen Top’s visual, he had to grudgingly admit that Chanhee would always have a huge advantage over him.

So that made them both divas, then. Changhyun shrugged. You can’t have everything. Wasn’t that the way things worked? If you cared about your appearance that much, then you had to be a diva. The attitude probably came with the responsibility of being the team’s visual.

At least Changhyun could comfort himself with the fact that Chanhee wound up being the girl.

After Black Widow, there was Hawkeye. Hawkeye, the silent, solid archer – that was obviously Minsoo. Both of them didn’t say much, so they usually gave the impression that they didn’t care. This was the reason why Leader Minsoo had fewer female fans than the rest of them – while the silence was an attractive factor for men, his unwillingness to perform fanservice was a major deal for the female Angels. Not that he minded anyway.

In fact, it looked like Minsoo was stuck in his own world, spending his free time composing songs, sketching designs, and sleeping. He was always stationed high up in his perch, away from everyone else, but this gave him a unique enough perspective to see the bigger picture all the time. Granted, everyone on Teen Top had a mind of their own, but there was no denying that Minsoo really was the most artistic of them all. By having that unique vantage point to see what others could not, Minsoo was able to make some very beautiful things.

It was just too bad he almost never bothered to put in the energy for things he didn’t think were important enough, like dance practice.

Besides, Changhyun liked to imagine that Minsoo, as uncaring and insensitive as he was sometimes, watched over them anyway. He almost never interfered, because he knew they all preferred handling things on their own. But when Minsoo came into the picture – or got unwillingly dragged in, courtesy of Chanhee or Niel – he always had a solution that satisfied everybody.

Changhyun tried to picture Minsoo in purple and decided that it wouldn’t be such a bad thing after all. Then, he tried to imagine Chanhee in a tight suit, and he almost hurled Byunghun’s tablet at the wall.

Shaking his head to get rid of the disturbing images, Changhyun willed himself to look at the picture again and concentrate.

Now, for the hard ones.

Byunghun could be Iron Man. Both of them were flashy, showy, and used an infinite number of fashion enhancements to stand out. Tony Stark had his suit, while Byunghun had his make-up and insoles. While Black Widow and Chanhee were the visuals, Iron Man and Byunghun were the ones who people remembered.

The two of them liked to complain a lot and loved to start conflicts, if only to prove their superior logic right. Either that, or starting a fight was already so ingrained into their personalities, that there was no real way to get rid of them anymore. And while all superheroes had alter-egos, Iron Man’s Tony Stark wasn’t just a human disguise – he was a different person entirely. Iron Man without the suit was a totally different man, much like how there was such a huge disconnect between L. Joe and Lee Byunghun.

But they were still the most loyal members and important contributors to their team’s successes. The suit and the make-up were there for show, sure, but they hid some deep insecurities. Insecurities that, Changhyun figured, would ruin both people if they ever got revealed in public. But of course, Teen Top being the weird family that it was, already knew all about Byunghun’s weaknesses and loved him despite them anyway.

It didn’t stop him from picking on the other members, though.

Iron Man picked on Captain America.

Byunghun picked on Niel.

So now, Changhyun had his fifth comparison. He grinned widely and gave himself a pat on the back for his hard work.

Niel was Captain America. They didn’t look compatible at first, but if he gave it some really serious thought, Changhyun could start seeing the similarities.

Like Captain America, Niel was a morally upright man who took his values seriously. Teen Top was everything to Niel, which was why he always made sure they stuck together in spite of the controversies and rumors. Minsoo was the leader and Chanhee was the shadow force behind the throne, but it was Niel who glued everybody together. Without him, Teen Top would have faded away with the rest of the generic boy bands long ago.

Despite Niel’s sacrifices, he was still naïve in a lot of ways. People thought Changhyun was the innocent one, because he’d been graced with an immortal face. But really, it was Niel who was the most fragile of them all. Niel was also a regular gentleman, and even Changhyun had to admit to himself that introducing his hypothetical baby sister to Niel didn’t seem like such a bad idea.

That meant that despite his sort-of leader status, Niel had to be protected just as much as he protected them. Like Captain America, Niel seemed to have a lot of issues he didn’t want to tell anybody. That was okay. You couldn’t expect someone to be so hyper all the time. But even though Changhyun had his off days, it didn’t mean Niel had to be so withdrawn all the time. Jonghyun had mentioned that Niel was barely getting any sleep these days, and of course who wouldn’t worry after hearing that?

They never really talked to him about it, but Changhyun figured that a Niel Appreciation Day was long overdue. He’d even be willing to forget about Niel’s punishment. He could always teach him the consequences of taking other people’s tablets without permission another time anyway.

Changhyun frowned and made a mental sticky note to talk to the others about Niel. He glanced at the monitor again and found that he’d gotten stuck with... Thor?

He cocked his head to the side and tried to see how it felt like to be compared to a Norse god.

A god.

A god.

After saying the word over and over in his head and savoring the way it sounded, being Thor didn’t seem like such a bad choice anymore. Not that he was a bad choice in the first place. Thor was awesome. He was big and strong and all the things Changhyun wished he could be, but wasn’t. And of course, it was always a big plus to be able to fly and wield a huge hammer.

The idea of being Thor excited Changhyun, because they were almost the same in their own ways too. They were both forever curious about everything, the designated peacekeepers of their teams when things got heated, and easily the most well-balanced members. Unlike the others, they didn’t have much baggage and angst, which meant that they would always have the biggest and brightest smiles. And, like Thor, Changhyun was a very easy man to impress. You could give him anything and he’d genuinely feel like the luckiest person in the world.

So that was it. He was Thor. Now, if only he could figure out a way to be able to grow a cool beard like that and get away with it.

Changhyun rubbed his chin thoughtfully and began to imagine himself wielding a mighty hammer, with the most magnificent golden locks trailing in the wind. Just as he was about to imagine himself taking off with his beautiful red cape, he felt someone hit his head roughly from behind. He turned around and glared at the offending visitor.

“So that’s where my tablet went.”

Changhyun threw himself to the floor and immediately began to beg for mercy. “It’s all Niel’s fault, I promise! He said his tablet was charging so he took mine, so I borrowed yours because you were still sleeping and you weren’t using it anyway, so I borrowed it okay, but look, it’s fine I didn’t break it so please don’t kill me, Byunghun, please!”

But Byunghun had lost interest in his junior’s apology and was now leaning over the couch, taking a peek at what Changhyun had been doing with it in the first place.

“You’re taking an online quiz? That’s why you took my tablet?”

“Borrowed, Byunghun, borrowed. Were you not listening or something?”

He wasn’t listening.

With his gaze focused on the screen, Byunghun silently read the text to himself and poked the tablet randomly. Changhyun got up from the floor and looked over his senior’s shoulder to see what he was doing.

“You’re Black Widow?” Byunghun said.

“What?” Changhyun replied, offended. “No, wait, Chanhee’s Black Widow and I’m Thor. I had a whole process for this, okay –”

“I’m Black Widow too.”

“Uh, no. You’re Iron Man.”

“But I’m Black Widow.” Byunghun quirked an eyebrow. “Says so here. Look.” He shoved his tablet into Changhyun’s face, so his result was clear for the boy to see. 

“That’s impossible.” Changhyun made a face. "Why are we both girls?"

“It’s just a stupid quiz.”

“No, it’s not!” Changhyun grabbed the other boy’s shoulders and shook him. “We can’t be the same Avenger, because that would mean we’re the same kind of people, and we are not the same kind of people.”

“Well that’s something we can agree on.”

Changhyun made a move to grab the tablet. “Gimme that, I want to try again.”

“Uh-uh, your time is up.” Byunghun held his tablet out of reach. “You want another go, you use your own unit.”

“It’s with Niel, I told you already. You never listen to me.”

“That’s because you hardly say anything worth listening to,” Byunghun huffed and sat down on the sofa. “Now shut up, there’s this other thing I want to try.”

Changhyun plopped down next to Byunghun, his face immediately lighting up upon seeing the new test he’d loaded on the tablet.

“Ooh, ooh! I want to try that too! Please?"

“Hey, Changhyun, I’m returning your tablet now, thanks for lending it to me.” Daniel entered the living room, waving the gadget in the air. “You might want to charge it, though.”

But nobody heard Daniel and there was little reaction to his dramatic entrance. This displeased him greatly, so he stomped his way over to them with as much noise as possible, before stopping in front of the sofa and giving the top of their heads the most severe glare he could manage.

Only Changhyun looked up at Daniel.

“What are you doing?”

Changhyun looked back down. “Byunghun’s doing this really amazing thing.”

Daniel looked down at them and was immediately disappointed when he saw that they weren't playing a game.

“It’s just a quiz.”

Now, Byunghun looked up at Daniel. “Yeah, but come on. Don’t tell me you’ve never thought about this before.”

Daniel squinted his eyes at the tablet and read the headline out loud: “Which Teen Top member are you most like? Really?”

Changhyun shrugged.

Daniel plopped down next to Byunghun.

“… Let me have a go when you’re finished.”

 When Chanhee got back to the dorms that evening, he was afraid he’d walked in on some kind of satanic ritual.

Daniel and Changhyun were doing a bastardized version of the Free Step in their living room, all the while shrieking the name “L. Joe” loud enough for the people five streets away to hear. Byunghun was immobile on the sofa, staring into a great void only he could see. Jonghyun was sitting next to him, peacefully shut off from the world, his attention hooked by something he was fiddling with on his tablet. Minsoo was nowhere to be found. Probably out drinking with his production team again.

“What the hell is going on here?”

The dancing boys would not stop dancing. Instead, they looked over at Chanhee and waved merrily at him.

“I’m L. Joe!”

“I’m L. Joe too!”

“But how can we both be L. Joe when he’s L. Joe?!”

“Everyone is L. Joe!”

“SHUT UP ALREADY, WOULD YOU.” Byunghun finally exploded. Then, he went back to moping on the sofa again.

“Someone’s salty ‘cause he got C.A.P.”

“Don’t worry, Byunghun, C.A.P. isn’t so bad.”

“Getting C.A.P.’s not a bad thing. C.A.P.’s cool.”

“He’s not as cool as L. Joe, though.”

“Which you didn’t get, Byunghun, so ha!”

Chanhee looked out the window to check if the world was ending, and was mildly surprised to see that the moon hadn’t turned blood-red yet.

“AHHH!”

Chanhee whirled around and saw Jonghyun doing the Power Rangers pose on the sofa.

“I’M NIEL!” Jonghyun roared.

“And I’m L. Joe!” Changhyun screamed back.

“So am I!” Daniel hollered at them.

Byunghun was still a vegetable.

“… What?” Chanhee was still confused.

Changhyun sighed at Chanhee. “I was taking this online quiz to see who I was on the Avengers, so Byunghun tried it too, and then we all tried it, and then we found this quiz to see which Teen Top member you were, so now Byunghun’s having an identity crisis – ”

Daniel shoved him out of the way and held out Byunghun’s tablet to the still-confused Chanhee. “Take the quiz and see who you get. Bet it’s something as uncool as Byunghun’s.”

“NIEL! NIEL! NIEL!”

“L. JOE! L. JOE! L. JOE!”

The two youngest members had moved on from their Free Step battle, and were now trying to do the drunken master version of their Miss Right Handshake choreography. Byunghun was still dead to the world.

Daniel raised an eyebrow. “Bet?”

Chanhee glared and grabbed the tablet. “Call.”

When Minsoo got back to the dorms the next day, he got the distinct feeling that something had changed in the dorms and that there was nothing anyone could do to make things the way they were before. There was a shift in the balance so subtle, that only a true bandleader could detect it. It was clear now to Minsoo that he’d been left out of yet another inside joke the kids had plotted against him.

Instead of the usual insults and lewd jokes about where he’d been last night, Minsoo was greeted with a deathly silence. Chanhee and Byunghun were giving him venomous stink eyes, while the rest of the kids were being extremely unhelpful, incessantly cackling at him when he tried to ask for help.

He desperately rummaged through his memory banks, but he could not, for the life of him, remember what he could have possibly done to offend them.

Chanhee and Byunghun were now speaking to each other in urgent, hushed tones, and upon feeling their leader’s eyes on them, stopped to level him with a cryptic gaze. Minsoo shuddered and cursed the unlucky timing of their teamwork. It was good that he was wearing his shades then, so that no one was able to see the mounting terror in his eyes. He smiled nervously at the pair and slowly edged out of the dorms, ultimately deciding that maybe breakfast outside wasn’t such a bad idea after all. 

Chapter Text

Ricky

They’re having dinner at the dorms when the subject of Changhyun’s weight gain is discussed. As usual, the members rib him for piling so much food on his plate and how he’s going to pay for all the excess when he hits his thirties. But Changhyun’s thirties are a million years from now and he's really not in the mood to put up with their ribbing tonight, so he stays quiet. The other members notice this and try to lift his spirits by goading him further.

“Seriously, what will Angels say when their cute baby Ricky turns into fat baby Ricky?” Niel starts.

Changhyun sighs. “I don’t know.” He rolls his eyes. “Maybe they’ll say I’m being well taken care of?”

“Maybe the fat will double the cuteness,” Chanhee suggests.

“Of course you’d know,” Jonghyun says. “You aren’t getting any thinner yourself.”

“I would like for all exercise freaks to shut their holes now, please.” Chanhee is about to steal Jonghyun’s chicken off his plate, but he is swiftly beaten to it by the chicken’s rightful owner. So, he settles for giving a totally ineffective death glare to Jonghyun instead.

“Don’t worry, I don’t think you’re getting fat,” Byunghun says.

Chanhee shows his appreciation for this thoughtful comment by deciding not to steal anything from Byunghun’s plate for the rest of the night.

“Changhyun, if you get fat before Chanhee, I’ll never forgive you.” Niel still isn’t letting go of the topic. “Didn’t we make that pact to make sure Chanhee’s the first to rot away in ugliness?”

“What kind of a pact is that?” Chanhee cries.

Jonghyun sticks out his tongue. “Ask Byunghun. He’s in on this too.”

Byunghun clenches a fist and raises it at Jonghyun. “What are you talking about?!” He turns to Chanhee to beg his forgiveness for something he didn’t know he did. “I don’t know what they’re talking about.”

Chanhee steals Byunghun’s chicken.

Byunghun is about to charge at Jonghyun, but Minsoo pulls him back down in his seat. “Hey! No rowdy behavior in here. You’re going to make a mess.”

“I wonder if I’ll ever get fat.” Niel rubs his stomach thoughtfully. “Sometimes, I wish I’ll get fat. Maybe I’ll stop looking so weak all the time. Changhyun, what’s it like to gain weight?”

Changhyun involuntarily glances down at his stomach and winces. Minsoo notices this and clicks his tongue at Niel.

“Nobody’s getting fat here,” he says. “Quit it.”

“You’re right,” Niel agrees. “Maybe I’m better off asking someone else instead. Hey, Chanhee, what’s it like to get fat?”

Chanhee is about to charge at Niel, but Minsoo pulls him back down in his seat. “What did I just say about rowdy behavior?”

Niel sticks out his tongue at Chanhee.

“Listen, everybody,” Minsoo says in a rare show of authority. “If you’re just going to make a mess anyway, then quit it with all the fat talk. I’m not cleaning up after you guys tonight.”

He momentarily side-eyes Changhyun, who still looks tired, but has lightened up considerably after his announcement.

“Okay,” Chanhee says, now seizing the moment to redeem himself. “If anyone’s getting uglier in the future, then it’s got to be Niel.”

Niel whirls to fix Chanhee with an angry stare. “What are you talking about?” Eager to pass the buck, he sets about finding his next target and settles on the nearest member. “Minsoo’s going to be way past his prime by the time he hits thirty. So he’s obviously going to be the ugliest man here.”

“Why me?” Minsoo whines, but because his whine makes him look pathetic, everybody pounces on him like a pack of hungry hyenas.

“Tattoos don’t age gracefully.” Byunghun shakes his head. “And you’re covered in the stuff. Think of how it’ll look when you become a father.”

“Your face is going to get bigger too,” Jonghyun contributes. “Kind of like Chanhee’s, but not that big.” He puts a finger to his chin. “Come to think of it, maybe the weight is doing you some good. Your face is really small.”

Chanhee flings a piece of tissue at Jonghyun. “Admit it, Minsoo, when have you been ever voted as our visual anyway?”

Minsoo is about to charge at Chanhee and nobody bothers to stop him, because it’s sweet to see the leader disobey his own orders sometimes. But it is Changhyun’s sudden comment that makes Minsoo put his rampage on hold.

“I think he’s pretty good-looking,” he says. “And his tattoos are way cool. They give him a really cool image.”

Minsoo punches Changhyun’s arm playfully in thanks.

Niel decides to celebrate Changhyun’s return to the conversation by starting a healthy argument once again. “Of course, the tattoos are a case-to-case thing,” he says. “They work for Minsoo and Jonghyun. But what about Chanhee? He has a tattoo but he still isn’t cool.”

“You’re never going to be cool,” Jonghyun says.

“Even Niel has you beat in coolness,” Byunghun agrees.

Chanhee leaps from his seat in order to smother all three imbeciles in his hateful embrace. To the members’ terror, he is met with no resistance, as Minsoo and Changhyun have already excluded themselves from this argument, and have settled for taking all of the remaining chickens left in the delivery boxes for themselves.

L. Joe

Sometimes, Byunghun thinks Minsoo is the only friend he has who makes sense. The only friend he can rely on. The only friend who understands. The only friend who cares.

Minsoo thinks Byunghun is drunk.

“I love you, Minsoo,” he slurs.

Byunghun attempts to express his undying devotion for his leader by reaching out to try and wrap him in a loving embrace. But Minsoo is quickly moving out of his way, and the farther away he tries to get from him, the more aggressive Byunghun becomes. Seeing this, Byunghun switches gears and tries to land a wet kiss on Minsoo’s face instead. When that doesn’t work, he settles by leaning on Minsoo’s chest and crying.

Minsoo panics and quickly wraps his arms around Byunghun to make him stop.

“Don’t you love me?” Byunghun sobs. “Tell me you love me.”

Minsoo hesitates and tries to stall for time by patting his back awkwardly. “I love you, Byunghun,” he finally says.

“Ah, I’m glad,” Byunghun says. He calms down and his sobs melt away into hiccups, to Minsoo’s immense relief.

“I was worried,” Byunghun says again. “You looked so lonely lately, so I thought I’d tell you I love you. Have I told you I love you before? Because I love you, Minsoo. I just thought you should know.”

Minsoo rolls his eyes. “I only look lonely because I’m working on songs all the time now. I thought you knew this already.”

“I look up to you so much, you know?” Byunghun continues, somehow unaware that Minsoo is still a part of this conversation. “So much. Sometimes I wish you were actually my big brother. You make me want to be a better person.”

Minsoo shudders. He does not want this kind of responsibility.

“I really love you.”

“See, this is why we try not to drink with you.” Minsoo tries to steady himself in order to be able to help Byunghun steady himself. “You get weird when you’re drunk.”

“I love all of you.” He hiccups again. “But nobody loves me. Everybody loves L. Joe. But nobody loves me.”

He's referring to himself by his stage name again. Until now, Minsoo has always been unsure whether he should take this sort of thing seriously or not – on one hand, this happened way too much and it was starting to get old. On the other hand, it did happen way too much, which meant that something needed to be done to fix it.

Minsoo does not really want to fix it, but he feels that he should at least try. He’s the leader, after all. Ordinarily, whenever Byunghun needed any fixing, it was usually best to let someone like Chanhee or Niel handle him. But neither of them are here now, and Minsoo is, so Byunghun is Minsoo’s problem for now.

Minsoo is going to fix this. But first, Minsoo has to put him to bed.

“Let’s go to bed now, Byunghun,” he says and starts to drag him towards the living room.

Feelings are rarely discussed among the members, because any aggressive emotions they share towards each other are usually sorted out by hitting everyone within reach. And if that didn’t work, then yelling at the offending member usually did the trick.

But Byunghun is not himself tonight, and Minsoo has a suspicion that maybe their old fashioned ways of solving problems aren't going to work this time. So, he summons every positive feeling he can muster for Byunghun and attempts to let them out in a manner that won’t make either of them feel awkward.

“You know, Byunghun,” Minsoo starts. “You’re really handsome.”

This is not what Minsoo wants to say at all, but it seems to have livened Byunghun’s disposition.

“You really think so?” He looks up at Minsoo with what could only be described as hopeful stars dancing in his eyes.

This is probably one of the most awkward conversations he’s ever had with another man, but Minsoo plods on anyway. “You really are. Angels love you for it.”

Minsoo nods in a self-satisfied manner. That should do it. Now that they’re already at the bed, he can dump Byunghun here, retreat to another room somewhere, stay there for a while, then come back to the living room once he’s fallen asleep.

But Byunghun is still awake.

“No,” he says as soon as he’s collapsed on the bed. “Angels love L. Joe. Nobody loves Byunghun.”

“I love Byunghun,” Minsoo says hurriedly, wanting to get this conversation over and done with.

“You’re just saying that because you want me to fall asleep faster,” Byunghun whines, and this time, Minsoo knows it’s pretty bad, because Byunghun rarely whines these days.

He looks away guiltily before flopping down on the bed next to Byunghun. “Look, if I stay with you here tonight, will you forget this conversation ever happened?”

“No.”

“Come on, Byunghun, show some cooperation.”

“No.”

“You know, that’s your problem, you never cooperate.” Minsoo scratches his nose and looks away again, realizing that this is probably the wrong thing to say. He tries again. “I mean… if I sleep here with you, on the bed tonight, then will you forget about this issue of yours already?”

“No way,” Byunghun says, a cheeky grin spreading over his face. “No way am I gonna forget the night Mister Bang Minsoo told me he loved me.”

Minsoo knocks the top of his head with his fist. “Be serious here,” he tells him. “I’m serious. Forget about it. We love Byunghun for who he is. Even if he can be an annoying jerk most of the time.”

Byunghun bursts into laughter and Minsoo relaxes, knowing that his job is finished for the night.

“I’ll write a song for you someday.”

“Please don’t.”

“A song for you, a song for Chanhee, a song for Niel, a song for Changhyun, and a song for Jonghyun,” Byunghun continues.

Minsoo does not want a song, because he is afraid of all the emotions Byunghun will want to put in that song.

“I’ll write a song for all of you. I write songs for all of the special people in my life.”

But a song may not be so bad, he thinks, especially since Byunghun writes better songs than him sometimes. Minsoo places his fist on top of Byunghun’s head again, but this time, he ruffles his hair gently. “Go to sleep. We’ll still love you in the morning.”

Byunghun smiles and drifts off into peaceful slumber.

But Minsoo, while proud that he helped avert another emotional disaster, stays awake for quite some time, because Byunghun has curled into his side so tightly and refuses to let him go.

This is why Minsoo hates sleeping beside people.

This is also why Minsoo is still awake when Byunghun shoves him to the floor in the early morning.

But he’s the leader after all, he figures. Certain sacrifices have to be made for the good of the team.

At least, this is what he tells himself the next morning when Byunghun looks down at him from the bed with a worried and judgmental look on his face, wondering out loud if Minsoo was also drunk last night to think falling asleep on the floor was such a good idea.

Niel

“He looks like a pervert.”

“He keeps hogging the stage.”

“He can’t act, dance, and his raps are always average. Why is C.A.P. their leader again?”

“Niel’s lips are scary.”

“Leader C.A.P. is lazy. Maybe Niel should be their actual leader from now on.”

“… Niel’s lips are scary.”

“Ha!” Niel cries and tosses his cellphone to the bed. “I win!”

Minsoo laughs and keeps scrolling down on his phone. “My phone hung. Give me a sec and I’ll find another one for you.” He glances at Niel. “You feeling better already?”

He nods. “I can’t even remember what I was so bothered about in the first place.”

Minsoo grins to himself. Score another one for the glorious leader. There really was no better way to deal with the daily stress of being an idol than reading comments online. They were all so mean, of course, but they were also so silly. 

They were always worth having a good laugh over.

Niel picks up his phone and scans the webpage again. “Ah, here, I found one,” he says. “Who does he think he is, a thug? What’s with all the tattoos?”

“That again?” Minsoo says, but self-consciously looks down at his arms.

“Hey, I hear that fish comment all the time. It’s only fair you get that tattoo thing to yourself.”

“My tattoos are super cool. Shut it, stage-hogger.”

“Pervert.”

“Fish face.”

“Lazy C.A.P.”

“Hey, this isn’t fair. Why do all of these comments like you?” Minsoo’s eyebrows meet in frustration. “I can’t find a single one that makes me look good.”

Niel is about to fire back with another insult he remembers seeing online, but the look on Minsoo’s face stops him. “That’s because you never do any fanservice,” he says instead. “Maybe if you play with the fans a little, their image of you will change.”

Minsoo shrugs and remains glued to his phone. “I thought they liked it if I didn’t do fanservice,” he mutters. “Really, everyone here likes you. Any criticism about you at this point is just mindless bashing.”

“Stupid, that goes for all of us.”

Minsoo shrugs again. He unconsciously makes a pouty frown, but Niel wisely chooses to keep his silence.

“Okay, here’s one,” Niel says, turning his gaze back to his phone. “Leader C.A.P. is a really good big brother to Teen Top. I admire his rapping and his composing skills are obviously getting better. I wonder what his new tattoo will look like next?”

Niel looks back at Minsoo with a wide smile on his face.

“Someone really said that?” Minsoo says, surprised.

“You don’t believe me?”

“Let me see.” Minsoo scoots over to Niel, but Niel holds his phone out of reach.

“No, you can’t.”

“Who said that? What’s the username?” Minsoo says, still unbelieving. “I’ll find it myself.”

Niel looks away for a moment, then turns back to Minsoo with a little guilt. “… Ahn Daniel.”

There’s a moment of silence, which Minsoo spends blinking stupidly at Niel.

“Now who looks like a fish,” Niel says.

Minsoo laughs and shakes his head. He runs a hand through his hair and goes back to fiddling with his phone.

It’s when Niel closes the webpage on his phone and turns on his game that he hears Minsoo’s soft voice beside him.

“You’re just a liar, liar,” he sings.

Niel looks up at him and laughs. He punches Minsoo’s arm, because he knows what’s coming next.

“… I love you, liar, liar.” Minsoo returns the gaze and grins.

Niel smashes a pillow against his face in reply.

Chapter Text

Changjo

They’re similar in personality, so Minsoo figures that Jonghyun may be able to enjoy some of his games also.

“You have no one else to play with,” Jonghyun accuses.

Minsoo shrugs. “It’s not that,” he lies.

“Why don’t you just find someone online?” Jonghyun asks, not bothering to hide his confusion at the way Minsoo is acting right now. Usually, it is the younger ones who pester the older ones to play games with them, not the other way around.

“What’s wrong with spending a little time with me?” Now, it’s Minsoo’s turn to look accusatory.

“It’s not that,” Jonghyun hastily backtracks.

“Please, we just need one more person.”

“Seriously, is there no one else you can play with?”

“You can use Changhyun’s laptop. Here.” Minsoo dumps the laptop in front of Jonghyun, refusing to listen to reason.

He frowns. “But you know I don’t like playing those kinds of games.”

“You can learn. I’ll teach you.”

When Jonghyun doesn’t answer him immediately, Minsoo decides to use his trump card. “Okay, if you do this for me, I’ll buy you those weights you’ve been looking at for two weeks.”

Jonghyun perks up at the offer. “Buy me three shirts too.”

“Okay.”

“And a new cap.”

“Are you trying to take all of my money?”

“Okay, just give me one of your old caps. I’m not picky.”

“Hey, wait a minute,” Minsoo says. “What am I getting out of this?”

“The joy of having spent quality time with me.”

“That’s a stupid prize.”

“Am I not your favorite member?”

“No you’re not.”

“Who is?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“How could you be so cold to a brother?” Jonghyun gasps dramatically.

“You’re not my brother.”

“Well, I guess you’re going to have to find a new playmate, then.”

Minsoo lunges after him. “Wait!”

It’s easy to convince Jonhyun after that. All it takes on Minsoo’s end is more forceful convincing, another one of his old caps, and the threat of physical punishment. They turn on the game’s practice mode first, where Minsoo sets up a dummy account for his junior to use. Unsurprisingly, it takes Jonghyun forever to decide on a character.

“Hey, you’re doing this on purpose.”

“Am not,” Jonghyun says. “Do you want to win or not? I’m just picking the best kind of character so we can win.”

Minsoo rolls his eyes.

“You should be more appreciative of your younger brother.”

“I already told you, you’re not my brother.”

Jonghyun feigns hurt. “Ah, so mean, so mean. How could you be so mean?” He starts rapping horribly on purpose, knowing it will piss off Minsoo.

It does, and the leader doesn’t beg him to stop, not really, but he does further emphasize the threat of physical punishment if he does not shut his mouth, which Jonghyun does, because he does not want to get hit. Eventually, after Minsoo goes to the bathroom twice to relieve himself, opens up a bag of chips, and checks his internet accounts, Jonghyun is finally finished decorating his character and finally ready to learn how to play.

Minsoo has all the patience in the world to teach him, because he wants to win and also because he’s scared of pissing off Jonghyun with excessive backseat driving. Jonghyun gets the hang of the game quickly and soon, they’re off playing an actual mission.

“Okay,” Minsoo directs. “We’re going to flank this guy, you understand? You come in from the left side, behind the trees. I’ll go right up to him so he doesn’t see you.”

Jonghyun nods and does as he is told. Their online opponent falls right into their trap and Minsoo is over the moon.

“Good job!” he says. “See, I told you you’d get the hang of it.”

“Ah, but I’m dizzy,” Jonghyun complains. “I don’t get how you guys can sit like this all day. It ruins your eyesight.”

Minsoo chuckles at him. “It takes some getting used to. You’ll learn to love it.”

“I don’t think so. This is really bad for the eyes, I’m not kidding.” He flexes his shoulders. “And it’s rough on the back.”

Minsoo shakes his head. “You complain too much. But you’re doing good so far.”

The pair accomplishes a few more easy missions and Jonghyun is slowly gaining confidence in his online skills. He’s sure he isn’t going to do this anymore, even if Changhyun might ask him really nicely, but he has to admit that playing online had its perks.

Getting to spend more time with his leader isn’t so bad either.

Before he can finish this train of thought, however, someone lands a big hit on his character and Jonghyun is momentarily paralyzed by surprise. On-screen, he sees Minsoo’s character rushing in to help, although Minsoo himself is having a heyday over his rookie mistake.

“Keep your mind on the game, you noob!” he laughs, as his character lands some key hits on their opponent.

Jonghyun sticks a tongue out at the screen, but regains his bearings, and is finally able to deal the finishing blow to their opponent.

“Good, good!” Minsoo says from his side.

But Jonghyun’s character is still swiping at the air even as their opponent has virtually dissolved from the game. His online sword lands against Minsoo’s character and Minsoo’s health bar instantly goes down.

“Ah!” Minsoo yells. “Watch your aim! We’re not immune to friendly fire here, remember!”

Jonghyun sneaks a glance over at his panicking leader, looks back at his screen, and feels a smirk growing on his face. He regains control of his character, raises his sword, and lands more hits on Minsoo.

There’s an annoyed sound beside him that quickly gives way to laughter, and before Jonghyun knows it, Minsoo is retaliating with a few more hits of his own. Their impromptu battle continues, even as their online teammates are sending them puzzled messages, before they finally decide to leave the two alone and continue the mission themselves.

Minsoo is still whacking his character, when Jonghyun finally lands a decisive hit of his own and kills Minsoo’s character off for good.

Now deciding that the game isn’t as fun anymore without a team leader to beat up online, Jonghyun logs off and stretches his arms behind his head. Computer games were really tiring. No wonder Changhyun never got any taller, seeing as he was always hunched playing in front of his laptop.

He feels someone knock the top of his head gently and Jonghyun looks up to find Minsoo grinning down at him.

“Okay,” he says. “You win. I’ll get you your stuff within the week.”

Jonghyun scratches his ear sheepishly. “I was only kidding about your caps. I’m fine with just the shirts and the weights.”

Minsoo snorts. “After that stunt you pulled, I shouldn’t be getting you anything.”

“You have to. I worked hard to keep up today.”

“I didn’t say you didn’t,” Minsoo says. “I’m just saying that maybe you should have thought about who you were attacking first.” Then, he twists Jonghyun’s ear viciously, and it’s all the signal the younger one needs before leaping over his chair and tackling Minsoo to the ground.

They’re still tussling and wrestling on the floor by the time Changhyun gets home, but because this is how Teen Top’s gym buddies truly express themselves, he leaves them alone.

But then, he notices that his laptop’s been nicked from his room again without permission, prompting him to join them on the floor to teach them a lesson about private ownership and respect for basic human rights.

Chunji

He finds Chanhee sitting by himself in the kitchen, his face cupped in his hands, and moping so dramatically, that it’s hard not to go over to ask him what was wrong. Chanhee was, if anything, a champion sulker and there was nobody in the whole of South Korea who could pull off a sulk quite like him.

Minsoo reflexively looks around the kitchen to see if any of the others had a hand in Chanhee’s momentary depression. He finds no one, so he quietly takes a seat across Chanhee and waits for him to start the conversation. Minsoo braces himself, because with Chanhee drunk and depressed like this, a discussion of feelings is sure to follow. It’s difficult discussing feelings with the members, because Minsoo is never any good at comforting anyone and emotional stuff always makes him awkward.

But they have schedules tomorrow and he doesn’t want the dark mood now to spill over to the rest of the group then.  

Feeling Minsoo’s hesitant presence, Chanhee looks up to address him. “I’m getting fat.”

Minsoo is temporarily taken aback, because harsh truths are never easy to say.

“No you’re not,” he lies.

“Look at me.” Chanhee isn’t listening. “Just look at me. My face is getting bigger and it’s not stopping. I’m getting fat.”

“Changhyun’s getting fat.”

“Changhyun’s supposed to get fat,” Chanhee says. “He keeps eating. But what about me? I hardly eat.”

Minsoo thinks about all of the pizza and chicken Teen Top has devoured in the past couple of days, but wisely chooses to maintain his silence.

“My good looks are fading. If this keeps up, I won’t be Teen Top’s visual for much longer. I’ll have to resign.”

“Have you been drinking again?”

“No, I have not been drinking again,” Chanhee says. “What makes you think that?”

Minsoo gazes at the half-empty bottle of wine behind Chanhee. “Just guessing.”

Chanhee groans and slides further in his chair. His entire head is on the table now and he’s leaning on his cheek, staring pathetically at Minsoo the entire time. “Will people still like me if I’m fat?”  

“Of course they will. We’ll hate you for it, but you’ll still have your fans.”

“I don’t care what any of you think,” Chanhee huffs, but he’s obviously lying.

Minsoo tries again. “If things get bad, you can always become the Masked Singer again.”

“But then I won’t be visual anymore.”

“Which means any one of us can be visual with you out of the picture,” Minsoo says. “See? It’s a win-win for everyone.”

Chanhee laughs, but it’s a short-lived one that enjoys a few seconds of life before melting away into wet sobs of grief.

“Hey, you know I didn’t mean that,” Minsoo says hurriedly and tries to resolve the situation by pushing his handkerchief towards Chanhee’s face. He is reminded of that one night he had to take care of a drunken Byunghun, and Minsoo starts to wonder if there is some sort of universal gene that all ‘93 liners share that triggers emotional delusions when drunk.

“Chanhee, please stop crying.” He’s almost begging now. A distraught Chanhee is never a good thing, because his crying can last for either minutes or hours, and it’s always so hard to console him every time.

The sobs fade away into hiccups and Chanhee finally lifts his head off the table, grabs Minsoo’s offered handkerchief, and snorts all of his depression into it. Minsoo winces. He knows he’s never getting that handkerchief back again.

“You know what I like about you?” Chanhee says after a while. “You never judge anyone. That’s why I like talking to you, Minsoo. You never judge anyone.”

Minsoo is terrified at the revelation, because this means that Chanhee will talk to him and only him from now on. “What about Byunghun?” he asks.

“Oh, I talk to him sometimes too.” Chanhee shrugs. “But it’s nice to get the perspective of someone older, you know?”

Minsoo groans internally and bemoans, not for the first time, the curse of being the oldest guy in the group. There’s a small part of him that revels in the attention and how dependent the others are on him, but it’s a very small part and the less Minsoo listens to that very small part, the better.

“So you’re not sad about getting fat anymore?” Minsoo asks hesitantly, in case the word ‘fat’ triggered another emotional outburst.

Chanhee grins and shakes his head. “Actually, I was sadder about Niel’s solo… and also a little jealous. But you’re always biased to Niel and I didn’t want to put you on the spot.”

“Hey, that’s not true,” Minsoo grumbles.

“It’s okay. I’ll get over it. I just wanted to give you a hard time.” Chanhee laughs. “Besides, you’re useless when we talk about stuff like this. So I talked about something else so you wouldn’t feel awkward.”

Minsoo does not know if he should be grateful for this or if he should reach over the table and strangle Chanhee instead.

“It’s not Niel’s fault anyway, I know that already.”

“Yeah,” Minsoo agrees. “He works hard. Too hard, sometimes.”

“He’s a good kid.” Chanhee nods. “He deserves it.”

“Are you sure you’re okay now?” Minsoo asks, still worried about Chanhee’s red eyes.

Chanhee waves a hand at him and laughs. “I said I’m fine. I just needed to cry a little, that’s all.”

“That was a little?” Minsoo wants to ask, but he keeps the remark in, in case Chanhee starts bawling again.

“Well, if you’re sure.” Minsoo gets up and moves towards the living room to sleep, but feels a tug on his arm that stops him in his path. He turns to Chanhee.

“Will you sleep with me tonight?”

“You room with Changhyun, don’t you?”

“Yeah, but I don’t want him to see us in bed together.”

Minsoo’s face reddens, while Chanhee’s shaking with laughter. “I’m kidding!” he says. “We can stay in the living room.”

“Byunghun’s in the living room.”

“So? I don’t mind. Do you mind?”

“Yes.”

“You’re the best, Minsoo. I knew I could count on you.” Chanhee leaps off his chair and skips towards the living room in such an effortless manner, that Minsoo has to wonder if he was ever really drunk in the first place.

Minsoo follows him to the living room, and even if he knows he’s fighting a losing battle, he puts up the pretense of fighting to the end anyway.

“Move,” he growls at Chanhee, who’s taken control of the only other bed in the living room.

Chanhee is giddy at the idea of sharing the bed, so he makes a big deal of it and moves to make room in between giggles. Minsoo grumbles and lies down next to him, but figures that it’s probably not going to be so bad after all. He will lose sleep for this, but at least Chanhee’s not crying anymore.

“Hey,” Chanhee says softly, nudging Minsoo’s back with a fist. “Thanks. I really needed that. I’m serious.”

Minsoo rolls on his back and stares at the ceiling. “Yeah, I know. Now go to sleep already. We have a long day tomorrow.”

“I won’t give Niel a hard time for this,” Chanhee promises. “So you don’t have to worry about that either.”

“Idiot,” Minsoo grumbles again. “Who’s worrying?”

A chuckle is his only reply before he nods off to sleep.

He wakes up the next morning to Byunghun’s dumbfounded look. He takes a quick glance to his side and finds Chanhee still fast asleep.

“He’s just lonely,” Minsoo explains. “Needed me to tuck him in and read him a bedtime story.”

He must have seen the alarmed look that crosses Byunghun’s face, because he’s quick to add: “It’s fine, no big deal. We just need to take better care of our friend here, that’s all.”

Byunghun shrugs before going back to sleep. “If you say so,” he mutters, before throwing back one last, judging look at Minsoo. 

It’s a familiar look and Minsoo almost rolls his eyes. But he feels Chanhee curl into his side again and hears Byunghun’s muffled laughter, so that by the time all three of them are up and about and completely wide awake, it takes all of Minsoo’s energy to try and not to throttle someone. 

But then, later at breakfast, Jonghyun walks up to him with a mischievous look on his face and shows him the picture he took of Chanhee drooling into his shoulder. Behind him, Minsoo hears Niel and Changhyun chortling unashamedly, but Chanhee’s ice-sharp glare forces them into silence before he can make a move.

Satisfied with the silence, Minsoo raises a spoonful of cereal to his mouth.

“You guys are just jealous,” Chanhee suddenly says, and honestly, it’s hardly Minsoo’s fault anymore that Niel and Changhyun are sprayed with the cereal he’s spit out of his mouth.

 C.A.P.

“Our leader C.A.P. is really awesome,” Chanhee explains to the camera Changhyun is holding. “But he’s also really spoiled. It’s okay, though. We here at Teen Top have already accepted this guy for who he is a long time ago.”

“It’s not like we had a choice,” Niel adds. “But we’ve adapted to each other, so we’re a stronger unit now. Right, Chunji?”

“Absolutely.”

Changhyun is still giggling when he focuses the camera back on Chanhee, who’s smearing the lipstick as thickly as possible on Minsoo’s lips. “Tell the camera what you’re doing,” Changhyun prompts.

“We’re showing our leader that we care,” he answers without hesitation. “We want him to look good for the camera, so we’re making him pretty.”

“Zoom in on his nose,” Niel suggests.

Changhyun zooms in until Minsoo’s nose smothers the camera lens. “Our leader’s face is really no joke,” he marvels.

Niel applies the hot pink blush-on on all the places that aren’t Minsoo’s cheeks. “We spoil him too much here, really. Let it be known that we here at Teen Top really, really love our dear leader, Bang Minsoo.”

“It’s a forever kind of love,” Changhyun agrees. “Any comments for the camera, dear leader Bang Minsoo?”

Dear leader Bang Minsoo is silent, because dear leader Bang Minsoo is sleeping.

“Thank you for the kind words, dear leader Bang Minsoo,” Changhyun says, but it’s hard to get the words out between his giggles. He slowly angles the camera to his left and finds Jonghyun using eyeliner to intently draw some oblongs on Minsoo’s belly.

Feeling the camera on him, Jonghyun momentarily looks up from his work and flashes a V-sign.

“That’s my good friend Jonghyun,” Changhyun helpfully informs the camera. “He’s unleashing his inner artist. Our leader is so nice for giving him this opportunity.”

Chanhee’s laughter is heard off-camera.

Meanwhile, Jonghyun’s face is a picture of intense concentration and Changhyun zooms in to capture this moment on film. Jonghyun pauses for a moment, then snaps his fingers before drawing some hearts and angel wings to add variety to his masterpiece. It’s hard to squeeze them in because of all the tattoos, but Jonghyun is determined to make this work.

“Careful not to draw on his mom’s hand,” Changhyun says. “He’ll be really mad if you do.”

Jonghyun’s eyes flick to the hand imprint that’s tattooed on Minsoo’s chest. He nods. “Got it.”

“You guys are crazy,” Byunghun says beside Changhyun. But he’s also laughing at Minsoo’s face, so nobody takes the comment seriously.

“We’re just showing him we care.” Niel is now making squiggly lines on Minsoo’s forehead with some mascara and all the expertness of a modern artist.

“Seriously, this guy sleeps like a rock,” Chanhee says and dabs the face powder on the entirety of Minsoo’s face.

“You know, that’s exactly the kind of thing that invites bad luck,” Byunghun says.

“Whatever, at least I’m not just standing around and –”

Minsoo’s eyes flick open before Chanhee can finish his thought. Everybody else freezes in panic.

Chanhee leans over Minsoo’s face and gives him a wide smile. “Good morning, beautiful.”

“I had nothing to do with this!” Byunghun yells before fleeing the room.

Changhyun’s camera is still rolling.

Minsoo darts his gaze towards the camera and gives it an ominous wink before grabbing Chanhee’s face and shoving him away.

“Oh crap,” Changhyun says, while backing away towards the door. “Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap.”

Reaching above him, Minsoo’s hands find his target – Niel’s head – and takes it down to the floor next to Chanhee. He rolls off his bed and tackles both members at the same time, while Jonghyun flies towards them in an attempt to rescue the others.

In between the morning smackdown and taunting laughter, Minsoo points a finger at Changhyun. “You’re next.”

“We’re not going to upload this, we promise!” Changhyun says, now seeing that the other three have no hope of freeing themselves from their leader’s loving punches. “I’m giving you the tape as soon as you’re finished!”

All four members on the floor are laughing despite getting hit, but Changhyun still winces in sympathy. It’s not all fun when you’re getting hit by Minsoo and Jonghyun at the same time.

Minsoo re-surfaces from their dogpile and gives Changhyun a thumbs-up. “You’re good.”

He’s still filming his rumbling members when, out of the corner of his eye, he sees Byunghun re-enter the room, holding some tissues and a bottle of alcohol in his hands.

“He’ll need this when he’s done,” he explains. He’s about to approach them to try and break up the fight, but notices Changhyun still watching them intently from behind his camera lens. “Hey, aren’t you going to turn that off yet?”

Changhyun doesn’t look up at him, but a small smile begins to form on his face before he answers. “Nah,” he says, breathing out a happy little sigh. “This is fine. I like them like this.”

Byunghun crouches down on the floor next to him, hears the breathless laughter of his members fill the room, and lets the noise wash over him. He sets his things on the floor in front of him and makes himself more comfortable beside Changhyun.

“Yeah,” he agrees, a contented smile beginning to form on his face also. “This is good.”

Chapter Text

It was amazing to Byunghun sometimes how radically they’d all changed since debut. They had, for lack of a better description, become so stunningly attractive, that nowadays, he had to catch himself when he’d stop talking altogether to stare off in someone’s direction. Jonghyun was the usual suspect, by virtue of how visible the change was with him, but to harbor such thoughts for their youngest member seemed… wrong, in a way. Despite having only a two year advantage over him, Byunghun still felt dirty thinking about his junior like that.

The same applied to Changhyun, although Changhyun would still always be a kid to everyone on the team. It was charming, if you were a woman with a motherly instinct. But if you weren’t, and if you had to live with the guy for more than three years, then annoyance would be your first reaction to Changhyun, although none of them would have been able to explain why. It was an endearing sort of annoyance though, so they’d all learned to keep the impulse to give him a good whack in the head under control.

But things changed the higher you got up the age ladder, starting with Niel. Niel had really grown into his own since debut, and it was getting harder and harder to see him as a kid these days. Put him together with Chanhee, and it became next to impossible to think straight anymore.

The implications were too horrible to even imagine, that amid his confusion, Byunghun was certain that this was the sort of personal crisis that only a seasoned professional could help sort out. Luckily, the band had their own in-house expert on matters like this.

So, it was without ceremony, and without any hint of subtlety that he barged in on Minsoo at the studio and asked if he could see some of his videos again.

Minsoo looked up at him like it was no big deal, then gave him a wink before reaching out a hand.

It was almost like buying drugs, Byunghun thought, silently dropping his hard drive on Minsoo’s waiting palm. Not that he would ever really know how that felt, exactly. Minsoo might have some idea, although he highly doubted their leader actually took the drugs. He was already spacey enough without them, so it wasn’t like he needed the extra substances for a boost.

“Stressed-out again, huh?” Minsoo asked, smirking.

Byunghun shrugged, already used to the routine. “It’s nothing big.”

Minsoo scoffed. “Oh, I’ll bet.” He caught the pained look on his friend’s face and softened his features. “Hey, no problem. I’m just kidding you, you know that.”

Of course he was. Ever since Minsoo had found a reluctant ally in the dorms in his cause for good porn, he’d been nothing but gracious to Byunghun. It didn’t stop him from constantly ribbing him, though. It was always so easy to rile him up, what with the way he always turned a bright red whenever they brought up the topic.

“Just more of the usual for now,” Minsoo said. “I haven’t had time to download the newer stuff. You know how busy we’ve all been lately.”

“Yep.” Byunghun nodded, giving a small groan at the subject. “Thanks. I owe you.”

“No problem. Just don’t tell Chanhee about this, or we’re both screwed.”

Byunghun laughed. “Oh, that guy wants to watch it too sometimes, I can tell. Although I doubt he gets the same way I do.” He caught Minsoo’s bemused expression and began to stutter. “Not that I get that way about anyone specifically, though, just –”

The door to the studio opened a fraction, scaring Byunghun into silence. But whoever opened the door must have sensed the delicate issue the two men were talking about, because the would-be intruder closed the door immediately, leaving the two alone.

“You don’t have to explain anything, you know.” Minsoo gave him an easy grin, once the danger had passed. “I already know what this is about.”

Byunghun stared at him, stunned. “You – you do?”

Minsoo shrugged. “Sure. Why wouldn’t I? You’ve only been doing this for the past year.” He chuckled at his friend’s frozen expression of horror. “Relax, I know how you feel.”

Byunghun continued to stare at him, the shock still unable to leave his face. “You – you do?!”

Minsoo’s grin grew wider. “Of course, man. Sometimes, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do, right? Too bad it’s not something you can do with other guys, but you need that little moment of release every once in a while.”

Byunghun relaxed. That was exactly how he felt. What a great thing to know that not only a friend – but the team leader, of all people – was in on it too. “Thanks.” He ran a relieved hand through his hair. “You’re a real friend.”

“Bah.” Minsoo ducked his head, embarrassed at the compliment. “Don’t mention it. Anything to help a guy in need, huh?”

But now, Byunghun was curious. “Say,” he began. “Who do you think about when you do it?”

“Huh?”

“Is it Niel? Because it’s kind of obvious it’s Niel.”

“What.”

“He said he does it when he’s stressed,” Jonghyun said, like he’d just discovered some great secret. 

Changhyun gave him a doubtful glance. “I don’t know. It’s just…” He paused to take a bite off his banana. “He doesn’t seem the type to watch that kind of stuff, you know?”

“Well, he does, and he does it when he’s stressed, which might happen more often than we know.” Jonghyun scratched his ear. “Minsoo didn’t seem bothered or surprised when he asked, so it might be some regular thing.”

“Who would have thought, huh?” Changhyun pondered the gravity of this surprising news his friend had shared with him. “You’re sure he really said that?”

Jonghyun nodded. “I was just about to enter the studio and I heard. I don’t think they knew it was me, though.”

“You have some good ears.”

Jonghyun puffed his chest. “Well, that, and the studio isn’t exactly soundproof. Get to the door close enough, and you’ll hear everything.”

Changhyun finished off the rest of his banana and dumped the peeling on their dining table. “Watching those kinds of videos, though…. I thought our leader outgrew that years ago?”

His friend scoffed from where he was leaning on the kitchen sink. “That guy doesn’t outgrow anything. It’s the other one I’m more interested in.”

Changhyun laughed. “You’re right. I wonder what Chanhee thinks about this. I know he hates those things.”

“He probably knows. Byunghun said he might even want to watch those videos when he gets the chance. And who knows Chanhee better than Byunghun?”

“You’re right, you’re right.” He paused and mulled this over. “What a weird thing to get into, huh?”

“I don’t think it’s weird.” Jonghyun stared at his friend, his entire face scrunching up in concentration. “Do you?” he finally asked. “Want to watch those videos, I mean.”

“Huh?”

“Watch them with me?” Jonghyun shook his head violently, frustrated at the shyness that had suddenly muddled his entire speech. “I mean, if Byunghun does it to destress and if he might be watching it to improve his bonds with the others…”

Changhyun stared at him.

Jonghyun scratched his nose and looked away. “I just thought you might want to watch them with me, that’s all.”

Changhyun did a double-take. “What do you mean?” he demanded. “What are you talking about?! Just because they’re doing it, doesn’t mean I have to, too!”

If he could have, Jonghyun would have clobbered his own head. Of course, he thought. Of course this guy wasn’t ready yet. And the nerve of him to ask him so quickly too! He pulled the trigger on that one too early, and things would be forever awkward between the two of them now. 

“And when have you been interested in those videos? I have lots of other ones we can watch together!” Changhyun fixed his friend with a meaningful stare. “Better videos, Jonghyun. Better than Minsoo’s.”

Jonghyun blinked at him. “So you’re okay with watching them? With me?”

Changhyun shrugged. “Why not? We’re friends, right? Just not right now, because it’s too early for that kind of stuff.” 

Jonghyun beamed. 

“And we might have to tell the others about it, too. You know how they get when we go off to do something by ourselves.”

Jonghyun pouted. “Who needs the others?” he asked. “We can handle each other just fine!”

“Yeah, but…” Changhyun looked uneasy. “You know how they feel about… supervision."

Jonghyun crossed his arms, feeling his frown settle deeper on his face. Seems like he had a lot of work to do yet to properly convince his friend about this. 

“Hey, want to watch porn with me?” was the question Changhyun lobbed at Chanhee over their late lunch.

Chanhee almost choked on his coffee.

“Byunghun’s watching it with Minsoo, Jonghyun saw, so he’s inviting me, so I’m inviting you.” Changhyun shrugged. “It’s probably a team-only viewing, so you’d better invite Niel too. You know how he gets when he’s left out of group activities.”

“Nobody’s watching anything!” Chanhee said. “And we’re not making this a team-building thing either! I’m going to give that Choi Jonghyun a piece of my mind when I see him.”

“Hey, it’s not his fault.” Changhyun frowned. “You want to blame someone, blame Byunghun. If he didn’t go to Minsoo in the first place, then this would have never happened.”

Chanhee squinted his eyes. “I knew this was Minsoo’s fault. Every time one of you mentions porn, I just know it’s got his stink all over it.”

“Well, of course you would know. You seem to know everything Minsoo’s been up to these days.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?!”

Changhyun scooted a little farther away from his snarling bandmate. “Nothing, nothing!” He wiped some sweat off his forehead. “I was only kidding, geez!”

“And besides, if I had to watch that kind of… video with anyone, it’d be with Byunghun, not that dumb gorilla.”

“Oh, so you do watch it. Just not with Minsoo,” Changhyun said. “Somehow, you watching it with Byunghun makes more sense.”

Chanhee’s face turned a violent shade of red. “I never said that, you brat!”

“Well, if you won’t watch it with me and Jonghyun, then we’ll just do it ourselves. I just asked you, ‘cause you get so touchy about us doing things unsupervised.”

“Do you even know what you’re going to watch?”

Changhyun gave him a pained look. “I’m not a kid anymore, alright? We’re all adults in this dorm. I think Teen Top’s youngest members can handle a little sweaty stuff.”

Chanhee groaned. “This is more than just ‘sweaty stuff,’ you know. These are Minsoo’s videos we’re talking about. They’re more intense than sweaty.”

“I know. I have my own collection anyway, so it’ll be fine.”

Chanhee almost fell off his chair.

Later that evening, Niel walked in on Chanhee rolling around on his bed and groaning about something. Knowing his dramatic senior, it was probably about some inconsequential thing, like somebody breathing on him without permission. Niel started to walk back towards the door in case Chanhee got mad at him next, but the other man caught him before he could even grab the door.

“Niel!” Chanhee bolted up from his bed.

“Hey, don’t mind me,” he said, raising his palms. “I was looking for Changhyun.”

“You tell Minsoo to stop giving his videos away.” Chanhee pointed a finger at Niel. “It’s driving the rest of us nuts.”

“Oh, is that what this is about?” He grinned. “And what makes you think he’ll listen to me?”

“He always does,” Chanhee growled. “He sure as shit doesn’t listen to anyone else on this team.”

A light bulb went off in Niel’s head and he flashed an evil smirk at Chanhee. “Oh, is somebody jealous?”

It took all of Chanhee’s self-control to keep from growling louder. “Wipe that smug look off your face right now, you brat. You always do this whenever we talk about stuff like this, I swear.”

“I do it, ‘cause it’s so much fun to make fun of you.”

“Shut up. Tell Minsoo his videos’ days are numbered.”

Niel gasped dramatically. “You wouldn’t!” He put a hand to his chest for added effect. “Those are his most precious possessions on this cruel planet. What kind of a friend are you to take those away from him?”

“I said to shut up. He doesn’t need those any more than you need your face.”

Niel grabbed the nearest thing – someone’s dirty sock on a chair, probably Changhyun’s – and flung it at Chanhee. The sock landed pathetically on the floor without even reaching the bed.

Chanhee rolled his eyes. “And what was that supposed to prove?”

Niel started to look around for a shoe to throw, but the room was so messy, he thought better of it and went back to teasing Chanhee instead. “Why are you so affected by this anyway? What do you care about those videos?”

“I care when they’re giving our youngest brats some crazy ideas. You know Changhyun and Jonghyun are planning to watch those things together? From Changhyun’s personal stash?!”

“I can’t believe you only found out about Changhyun’s collection now. But then again, I guess it makes sense why he wouldn’t tell you.”

“They were planning on inviting you, you know. They didn’t want you to feel left out.”

“I think this is one thing I can afford to be left out of.” Niel laughed, shaking his head. “Those two, seriously.”

“How does this not disturb you?!” Chanhee demanded.

“How does this disturb you?” Niel countered. “What, did you want to watch them with someone or something?”

Chanhee turned bright red again and sputtered, unable to come up with a credible excuse immediately. Niel laughed harder at his teammate’s flustered expression.

“Ha, I knew it. You do want to watch!” he gloated. “No need to feel so shy about it, though. Byunghun watches them too.”

“I know,” Chanhee groaned. “It’s that guy who started this whole thing in the first place.”

“Oh, he’s having one of those days again, huh?”

“One of what days?”

Niel crossed his arms haughtily. “Oh, he hasn’t told you, I see.”

“Has he told you?”

Niel deflated. “Well, not exactly. He tells Minsoo, so Minsoo tells me.” He paused and scratched his ear. “Okay, so he doesn’t exactly tell Minsoo. But Byunghun, he gets so obvious sometimes, it’s hard not to assume anything else, you know?”

“Is there anything you two don’t tell each other?”

“You’re just jealous we’re tight like that.”

“Shut up. Shut up and go away and leave me alone forever.”

“Why are you so worked up anyway? We’re all guys here, aren’t we? It’s not totally weird if we watch those things.”

“It’s weird when the brats want to watch them together, you brat!”

“You really need to come up with a better name to call us.” Niel rolled his eyes. “You mean you haven’t watched any of those things? Ever?”

Chanhee crossed his arms. “Of course I have. I’m a man too, aren’t I?” He snarled at Niel’s dubious expression. “Unlike some guys, I don’t get so addicted to those things, that I need to watch them every time I get a personal crisis.”

Niel snickered. “Sounds like you know a lot more about this than anyone else here. Are you sure you’re really grossed out that Byunghun’s been watching them?”

“What does that guy even have to do with any of this?!”

Niel cackled madly and dashed out the door before Chanhee could throw something at him.

“Chanhee says to stop giving your videos away to people.”

Minsoo looked up from his laptop. “Uh?”

“Chanhee says to stop giving your videos awa – shut up, you know what I said.”

Minsoo grinned. “Tell him I said no.”

“You tell him. Do I look like a messenger to you?”

“He doesn’t even listen to me anyway.”

Niel sighed. “You know, personally, I don’t really care. Watch those videos, for all I care.” He paused. “No, wait a minute. I think you better give that stuff a break too. You’re always so tired on stage because of those stupid videos.”

His leader pouted. “Am not.”

“Are too.” Niel frowned. “Seriously, is that why you’re always so tired when we have concerts? Maybe Chanhee’s got a point after – oh my god!” He yelped and covered his eyes.

Minsoo guffawed at him, turning his laptop’s screen away from Niel’s line of sight. On it was a paused video showing two women doing something unspeakable. “You’re just as bad as he is. What’s wrong with this?”

“Nothing, you stupid. You know I hate having that kind of thing shoved in my face.”

“Oh?” Minsoo said before he could stop himself. “What do you like shoved in your face?”

Niel rolled his eyes, already long-immune to Minsoo’s jibes. “You’re so lame. Bet Chanhee’ll freak if you say it to his face.”

Minsoo laughed. “He acts like he’s never seen stuff like this before.”

“I bet he has. He just wants to maintain that clean, princely image he has.” Niel paused, considering this. “You know, if anyone has to worry about their image, it might be Changhyun. People still think he’s an angel, even if he watches that stuff as much as you.”

“Oh?”

“Bet you didn’t know he has a private collection of his own.” Niel grinned, seeing the surprised look on Minsoo’s face. “He’s going to watch some with Jonghyun later, I think. Better step up your game, Leader Sir, you’re losing your touch.”

Minsoo chucked a pillow at Niel and missed wildly, accidentally hitting Byunghun, who’d unknowingly walked into the crossfire.

“Is it true?” Niel asked him without skipping a beat. “Chanhee likes watching Minsoo’s videos when nobody’s watching. Is it true?”

Byunghun threw the pillow back at Minsoo’s laughing face. “How should I know?”

“Don’t you two talk about this kind of stuff?”

“He talks to me,” Minsoo piped up from his spot on the living room bed. “Why talk to a useless guy like Chanhee when he can always talk to a more reasonable man like me?”

“Yeah, because that makes everything so much better,” Niel retorted. He turned back to Byunghun, losing interest in arguing with Minsoo. “Did you know Changhyun has a better collection? I heard he’s watching some of the videos with Jonghyun later.”

Byunghun paled. “That sounds so wrong.”

“Tell me about it.”

“I don’t know, it actually sounds kind of fun.”

“Shut up, you perv, nobody’s talking to you.”

Minsoo stuck out his tongue, which Niel promptly ignored.

“Hey, what are you doing here anyway? Chanhee just gave the order to make that guy stop giving his videos away. If you’re here for that, then you’re in some serious trouble.”

“No, he’s not. Watch me care about anything Chanhee says.”

“You’re just sore he doesn’t listen to you.”

“Shut up, fish face.”

“I didn’t know Jonghyun was into this sort of thing,” Byunghun said. “I’m not surprised about Changhyun, but Jonghyun?”

Niel shrugged. “It’s actually not that surprising, if you think about it.”

“I didn’t think he was interested in anything that didn’t involve working out or eating.”

“Watching these things is a form of working out.”

“Did you hear something?” Niel said loudly. “I swear I heard something, but it sounded like Tarzan, so I couldn’t understand a word.”

Minsoo gave his pillow-chucking skills another try, but ended up watching the pillow sail high above Niel’s head instead. It landed smack on an unsuspecting Changhyun’s face.

Minsoo groaned. “Why must everyone come in here when I’m clearly trying to have a moment with my laptop?”

Changhyun stared at him. “This is the living room,” he spoke slowly, in case Minsoo couldn’t understand. "I live here. This is public property. What are you talking about?” He threw the pillow back at his leader.

“Is it true?” Niel turned to the new arrival. “Is it true you’re watching some of your videos with Jonghyun later?”

Changhyun gasped loudly, visibly scandalized. “Who the hell’s been spreading that around?!” He punched Niel square in the shoulder. “Nobody’s watching anything! And I’m not watching it with Jonghyun!”

“Too bad,” Minsoo commented. “Want to watch it with me and Byunghun?” He looked at Byunghun, who was quickly turning an amusing shade of red. “That’s why you’re here, right? To watch it with me?”

“Nobody’s watching that stuff with you!” Niel yelled. “What is it with you and doing things with everyone?!”

“I’m so lonely,” Minsoo whined. “You guys don’t respect me here at all.”

“Again,” Changhyun announced, in case anyone still wanted to know. “This is the living room. I live here. This is public property. I have all the right in the world to pass by here whenever I want.”

“Since when have you been downloading your own collection?” Byunghun asked, not sure if he should be angry or interested.

“Since none of your business.”

“What kind of an answer is that?”

“The kind of answer that’s none of your business,” Changhyun huffed. “Why do I need to get everyone’s permission before doing something? I’ll never get married at this rate!”

“Who’s getting married?” Jonghyun asked, walking into the room. “Can I be best man?”

“Jonghyun!” Changhyun said. “Jonghyun, they’re spreading ugly rumors about us. They say we’re going to watch some videos later.”

Jonghyun looked at him. “Aren’t we?”

Niel laughed and pointed a finger at Changhyun. “You’re a dirty liar, you know that?”

“You got that ‘dirty’ part right,” Byunghun muttered.

“Why is everybody in my room?!” Minsoo wanted to know.

“Why the hell is everyone so noisy?!” Chanhee demanded, stomping out of his room. He passed by Minsoo and saw the webpage he was on. “Ugh, are you watching that again?”

“You’re right, I should stop,” Minsoo said, turning back to his laptop. “I already saw this one last week.”

“Oh my god,” Chanhee said. “Why is everyone out of bed, what’s going on.”

“It’s not even that late yet,” Changhyun protested.

“We’re watching some dirty videos,” Jonghyun said. “Do you want in?”

“He wants in, alright,” Niel said, struggling to get the insult out in between breathless laughs. “Just not in the place you’d expect.”

Chanhee and Byunghun leapt at a laughing Niel and tackled him to the floor. Their two younger members looked on in slight disappointment.

Jonghyun nudged his friend. “I don’t think we should be watching those videos yet.”

Changhyun nodded. “Not tonight, at least.”

“Ah, screw this,” Minsoo growled from his bed and snapped his laptop shut. “I’m not in the mood for anything anymore.” He looked at his two youngest bandmates, ignoring the chaotic rumble on the floor. “Who wants take-out?”

Chapter Text

.

2015: something about the body

.

Changhyun likes looking at Minsoo’s tattoos the best. They make him look so manly and so tough, that no one would ever be able to guess how big a dummy he was in real life. They also make him look so effortlessly cool, and Changhyun is momentarily reminded of his youthful obsession with looking as manly as Minsoo. Now that he’s older and knows how silly things would look if he was exactly like his leader, Changhyun finds that he’s become more comfortable in his own skin and more content with his own natural charms.

But he’s still always left in awe of Minsoo’s tattoos.

He knows that Minsoo’s tattoos look this way because he is so good at drawing. If he wasn’t composing or sleeping, his leader could usually be found with his sketchpad, doodling away, not caring if anyone was watching. It’s out of sheer curiosity that Changhyun wants to try this out also, even if he’s certain he’s going to fail. But if it will help him understand his leader in the process, then he is willing to try anything.

So one day, he asks Minsoo to teach him how to draw. The request is turned down at first, of course, but Changhyun is persistent, and it’s probably because of this and the fact that somebody’s taken an interest in his hobbies that make Minsoo fold.

“Just let yourself go,” Minsoo advises, looking over Changhyun’s empty sheet. “Don’t overthink it.”

He tries again. But everything’s a bad idea before he even gets it down on paper, that he ends up not drawing anything at all. He turns to Minsoo to tell him he can’t do it after all, but Minsoo looks so absorbed in what he’s doing, that Changhyun chooses to observe him instead.

He looks so free when he’s drawing, Changhyun thinks. There’s a weird sort of light that comes alive in his eyes, which is different from the light that comes alive when he’s on stage, or the light that comes alive when he’s having a good time with them. It is similar, however, to the light that shines when a song he’s working on comes together, and Changhyun’s face lights up in understanding.

As if sensing his intense gaze, Minsoo puts down his pencil for a while and rubs his eyes. Then, looks over, finds Changhyun staring at him, and grins sheepishly, as if he’s been caught doing something indecent.

“Ah, seriously.” Changhyun shakes his head. “I can’t do this.”

Minsoo blinks at him. “Can’t do what?”

“I can’t draw.” Changhyun shakes his head again. “I can’t draw like you can.”

Minsoo blinks at him again. “Sure you can,” he says. “It’s just different for everybody, that’s all.”

“But I can’t do it as well as you.”

“You don’t have to do it like me.” Minsoo scratches his ear. “Do it on your own terms. There’s no set style for anybody.”

When Changhyun still doesn’t look like he understands, Minsoo tries again. “You’re an artist, aren’t you? It’s just like dancing. When you dance, you let the feelings flow through your body to make art. It’s like that.”

“That’s different,” Changhyun says. “I’m only good with interpreting the choreography. If there’s anyone who’s good at making a dance, it’s Jonghyun. He’s good enough to make something new. I’m better at understanding that something and making it good.”

Minsoo looks at him for a moment, then squints, as if trying to wrap his head around this. Changhyun decides to let this go. It doesn’t matter, he figures. Why should it matter anyway? His leader probably lives in a world where everyone is his kind of artist and capable of producing new things - everyone, including guys like him. Changhyun may not know what it’s like to make something totally new by himself. But he does know how to make some existing thing entirely his own, and while it’s a different kind of art, he can understand why someone like Minsoo wouldn’t see it this way.

He’s so distracted by his own thoughts, that he almost doesn’t notice when Minsoo starts the conversation again. “That’s still art,” he protests. “No matter what, even if it’s something someone’s already done, you can still make it personal enough.”

“But I didn’t make it,” Changhyun says. “It’s not mine.”

Minsoo shakes his head. “It’s not,” he affirms. “But you make it a new experience for other people anyway. That’s still new. That’s still art.”

This time, it’s Changhyun’s turn to blink rapidly at him, and Minsoo, content with this reaction, stretches his arms over his head, and focuses on his sketchpad again.

A week later, Minsoo enters the dorm with new tattoos to show off. Everyone is immediately fawning over them, admiring the bright reds and pinks that are leaping out from his arms. Changhyun draws nearer to take a better look at them and his eyes widen when he recognizes them as the same designs he’s seen Minsoo sketching before.

He looks up, finds Minsoo staring right at him, waiting for his reaction, and there’s a moment of understanding that passes between them. Changhyun smiles. “I like it,” he says out loud, making sure Minsoo knows that he remembers where he first saw the designs. “It’s art.”

Minsoo, pleased with this, beams widely at him and ruffles his hair gently in thanks.

.

2014: something more than the body

.

Lately, it’s becoming more and more apparent to Minsoo how much their youngest member is changing. The change isn’t slow and gradual like it is with the others – with Jonghyun, the change is sudden and comes all at once, and for a moment, Minsoo feels threatened at this new monstrosity their youngest is turning into.

But they’re work-out buddies also, and have been ever since Jonghyun exploded into puberty. When they’re at gym together, Minsoo sneaks peeks Jonghyun’s abs sometimes, and marvels at the hard work the kid’s put in for so long. He remembers all their previous work-out sessions and the tips he kept throwing the kid’s way, and Minsoo can’t help but feel proud about it, like he had something to do with the building of those abs.

But he doesn’t want to look like he cares that much, so he tells Jonghyun very little.

“Nice work,” Minsoo would say after they finish their session.

Jonghyun would nod back at him. “Thanks. You too.”

This is how their work-outs usually go – they hardly talk to each other, because to talk at the gym is to waste time. But they know how to goof off once in a while, sometimes taking selcas together or making fun of Byunghun’s exercise shortcuts on the rare times he shows up with them.

Minsoo was shy about it, at first. The gym, after all, was his place for a long time before Jonghyun came along. His territory and his kingdom, long before anyone else wanted in on the action. But he adjusts, so now, he is becoming more and more thankful that people look to Jonghyun to carry the baton of Teen Top’s manliness instead of him. This means that, with Jonghyun there, Minsoo does not have to go on any diet or follow a hellish exercise regimen.

But it is his pride as a man that powers him through his daily work-outs, if only because he still has to hold onto something as the band’s leader.

As their schedules get more and more hectic, however, Minsoo’s visits to the gym get more and more sporadic. Instead, most of his free time is spent at the studio now, where he exercises a different set of muscles until dawn.

Meanwhile, Jonghyun is still able to find time to hit the gym in the midst of all this. He initially asks Minsoo to join him, but the requests stop coming when it becomes apparent that Minsoo is happiest at the studio than anywhere else.

Minsoo wishes he had Jonghyun’s tenacity, but because his personal energy reserves are enough for just one activity at a time, he knows that it’s a lost cause. So he donates some of his old things to his teammate, like some dumbbells and leg weights, which Jonghyun can lug around on schedules.

“I’ll treasure these forever,” Jonghyun says and makes an exaggerated expression of thanks. Minsoo slaps his head, and the fact that he has to reach up to do it now isn’t lost on him.

“How did you get this huge,” he mutters under his breath.

“Not my fault you got so old,” Jonghyun lobs back, but runs away to his room before Minsoo could catch up to him. But then, he spies Jonghyun eagerly giving his old dumbbells a try the next morning, and everything is forgiven.

Sometimes, Minsoo thinks he should be jealous and annoyed at these recent developments, but he’s grown up with Jonghyun, so he knows he isn’t doing this to upstage anybody. Even if everyone else is so convinced that Jonghyun’s sole purpose in life is to be as weird as possible, he’s at least always so honest with everything he does. He does most things with pure intentions, especially things that involve making life harder for his older bandmates, and despite everything, Minsoo decides that this is what he likes best about their youngest member.

So, when Jonghyun approaches him shyly one day to broach the idea of producing a few songs of his own, Minsoo is all smiles, ready once again to help him become the best version of himself.

 .

2013: something he also has

.

Jonghyun doesn’t originally want to be a singer. He doesn’t originally want to be a dancer either. Nor is he originally so excited to have been born in South Korea. Sometimes, Jonghyun wishes he were born elsewhere – America, Antarctica, or even the moon. He wishes he were something else, like an action star, a professional athlete, or some bigshot alien’s bodyguard on the moon.

But he isn’t any of that, which Jonghyun supposes is for the best. He remembers reading a book on outer space when he was younger, and the thing that sticks out for him is that there’s no oxygen in outer space. Which means becoming anything on the moon is a totally impossible idea.

He used to imagine that standing on a stage and singing to a crowd of thousands was a totally impossible thing too – yet, here he was, surrounded by his members and Angels, full of love, all day, everyday. That he earns money from this is secondary to Jonghyun. For him, all that matters is getting the chance to express himself and being able to connect with strangers on a daily basis.

Nobody used to take him seriously when he told them of his plans of going to the moon. Now that he’s a singer, everyone wants to be like him, automatically saying yes to most everything he says.

It’s a good feeling.

What makes it even better is how everyone else on his team is so much better than he is. Having more people to look up to means more chances to learn, and if there’s anything in the entire world Jonghyun loves the most, it’s learning something new.

Jonghyun’s second favorite thing in the world is hearing other people sing, most especially Niel. Of all his members, Jonghyun enjoys hearing Niel sing the most. He knows how hard his senior’s worked to get to this point and has been told many times over how Niel didn’t originally plan to be a singer also, just like him.

This is different from how Jonghyun views the other two vocalists.

Because Chanhee and Changhyun are already natural singers, they are always expected to do well. But with him and Niel, things are a little different.

Because neither of them originally planned to be singers, neither of them really believe that they can do well like the others. Even if competitive spirits run high in the band, there’s no one else who puts in more work than Niel, simply because Niel knows he isn’t as naturally good as the others.

Jonghyun knows this and also knows that this is how he feels as well, so it’s only natural that he listens just a little bit harder whenever Niel sings. Someone else has to recognize his hard work after all, and who else on the team has keener instincts than Jonghyun?

He hopes Niel knows this too. “You’re a really good singer,” he tells him after another successful concert. He stares at Niel until he’s sure enough emotion is reflected in his eyes for the other singer to see.

“Thanks!” Niel smiles at him. It’s a good smile, wide and big, and it lights up the rest of his face. It’s only when it reaches his eyes that Jonghyun drops his gaze. “You too, Jonghyun,” Niel says and claps a hand on his shoulder. “You sing really well too.”

Jonghyun’s delighted smile is enough to bring both of them over the moon and beyond.

.

2012: something he doesn’t have

.

It starts out as a game at first, where the three youngest members get the idea to copy their seniors for a week, partly to irritate them and mostly just to have a few laughs.

On the first day, Changhyun runs off to find Minsoo to try and convince him to draw a few tattoos on his arms. Niel dares Jonghyun to imitate Chanhee’s diva ways, which the youngest does with gusto. He overdoes this and earns a few swats to the head, but it’s hardly enough to prevent him from trying.

On the second day, Changhyun is still with Minsoo, because Minsoo is still refusing to draw the tattoos for whatever reason. The other two opt to join him, because pestering the leader is always fun, and it’s safer than dealing with Chanhee, who still seems to be in a sore mood from yesterday.

On the third day, the game comes to an abrupt and unprecedented end when Niel, trying to imitate Jonghyun’s high kick, spends the rest of the day hiding from Byunghun who he’s accidentally kicked on the head.

Changhyun and Jonghyun are still with Minsoo, and because this is the most obvious place Byunghun will think to find him, Niel ducks into Chanhee’s bedroom instead. Byunghun will never think to find him here, Niel thinks, because no one is crazy enough to hide out with Lee Chanhee after effectively pissing him off the day before. Niel hopes Chanhee finds enough forgiveness in the goodness of his heart to let him hide out here, so as to let the wrath of Lee Byunghun pass without any major incident.

He walks into Chanhee practicing his vocals, and because it seems Chanhee is in a suitable mood today, Niel is granted access inside, so long as he doesn’t do anything to disturb the peace. Chanhee tosses a few magazines towards Niel and turns to his computer again to figure out the song’s chords.

On Chanhee’s second try with the music, Niel stops reading the magazines and becomes entranced entirely with the other man’s voice. He’s the emotional vocals, but Chanhee is power vocals, and if there’s anything Niel knows he lacks, it’s that.

Niel wants to know how Chanhee’s voice gets that way. Was he born with it? How long did he have to practice to get such a nice, clear voice?

Chanhee gives him a baffled look at first, then shrugs. “It’s just practice, Niel. Same as you’ve been doing.”

But it’s like Chanhee was already born a good singer even before auditions?

He blushes a little at the praise. “You’re a good singer too, you know. You’re main vocals, after all.”

Chanhee should be main vocals, Niel thinks. He’s so much better, it’s obvious. And much better-looking too, although Niel is insistent that puberty will change things for the both of them.

Chanhee makes a small snort of agreement and looks ready to gloat, but stops immediately, as if remembering that this isn’t the time for that. “Emotional vocals,” he says instead, jabbing a finger at Niel's chest. “That’s you. I’m power vocals. If we sound too much alike, then there wouldn’t be any variety in the band anymore.”

Niel must look like he still isn’t convinced, because Chanhee shakes his head good-naturedly at him before continuing. “Just because I’m power vocals, doesn’t mean I can’t be emotional when I sing. Same for you. Just because you’re emotional vocals, doesn’t mean you can’t show some power when you sing. Why are we still talking about this?”

He shrugs. “Everyone else seems to think different.”

“Who cares what they say!” Chanhee exclaims. “You know what you’re good at, don't you? What do they know?”

Of course, Niel realizes that this shouldn’t be a big deal to anyone by now, most of all to him, but every time he hears Chanhee sing, Niel becomes more and more convinced of the opposite.

“This isn’t a competition,” Chanhee reminds him. Niel nods in agreement. “We’re both good at different things. Have some more confidence in yourself. If the main vocals isn’t confident, then even lead vocals will get affected.”

Niel blinks at him, surprised at how uncharacteristic Chanhee is being today.

“Don’t get it wrong.” He scoffs again. “I’m only saying this because I can’t let you make me look ugly on stage.”

Niel laughs. That’s more like the Chanhee he remembers.

Suddenly, they hear a furious padding from outside and Niel immediately runs to hide himself under Chanhee’s bed covers, his self-preservation instincts kicking in. Almost as soon as he’s covered his toes completely, a scowling Byunghun swings the door open, asking if Chanhee’s seen his prey anywhere.

“Maybe he’s with the other kids,” Chanhee answers. “Didn’t they want tattoos from our leader yesterday?”

Byunghun shakes his head. “Already checked. He’s not there.” He pouts and crosses his arms. “Ah, that kid is really gonna get it! I can still feel my head ringing.”

Chanhee laughs. “You complain too much.”

Byunghun shrugs and turns to leave. “Well, if you see him...”

“I’ll swat him on the head for you, if you want.”

Byunghun seems ready to agree to this, but becomes distracted by Changhyun running at him from the living room. “I did it, I did it!” he crows, proudly waving his left arm for everyone in the dorms to see. “I’m cool now.”

Byunghun looks down at his arm and squints at the pink flower sketched on it. “A flower?”

“The coolest flower,” Changhyun corrects. “If it’s from Minsoo, then it’s automatically cool. Do you want one too? Jonghyunnie’s in there, trying to get him to draw a dragon on his face.”

Niel rips the bed covers away, unable to take this injustice any longer. “No fair!” he cries. “The dragon on the face was my idea!”

“There you are!” Byunghun yells and points at him.

“I’m cool now.” Changhyun sticks out his tongue and waves his pink flower smugly at Niel.

“All of you, get out!” Chanhee says. “How am I supposed to be the greatest singer in the world if you all keep barging in on me like this?”

“I’m getting a dragon on my face too, I don’t care what anyone says.” Niel leaps from the bed and runs out of the room.

Chanhee snorts, then turns back to his laptop again, but instead of resuming his singing practice, he checks the internet to see if it really was possible to get a dragon tattooed on one’s face.

Changhyun looks at Byunghun and points to his arm in glee. “I have a tattoo.”

“It’s not even real.”

“You’re no fun.”

 .

2011: something he knows is there

.

“You smile too much,” Minsoo tells Chanhee one day, like it’s a bad thing. Chanhee scoffs, thrusts a finger into his leader’s ear and wiggles it inside. Minsoo jerks so suddenly and twists his head so violently, that Chanhee’s almost afraid his finger will tear off.

He dislodges his finger from the ear anyway and laughs loudly at Minsoo’s annoyed expression. Minsoo whacks Chanhee’s head in retaliation, and feels a small sense of redemption at his flustered squawk. “Cut it out,” he warns him and walks off to his bed to sleep.

This, Chanhee decides, is his team’s problem. Few of them smiled enough, and Lee Chanhee, near-expert in his bandmates’ various facial expressions, is determined to fix this. Niel and Changhyun already give their smiles away so freely, so there’s not much work to be done there. Jonghyun, still shy with the older members, is not as generous, but leave him alone with the other two and it wouldn’t usually take long before he started smiling on his own too.

It’s the other two who’re the problem, Chanhee thinks.

Minsoo, their leader, is just as shy as Jonghyun, if not even more so. His smiles were small, like he was grinning at his own private joke, so they usually went unnoticed by the others. When he laughed, he was usually the only one in the room who did this, so he looked crazy doing it, making everyone else hesitant to join in.

But there are times when his smiles are just perfect and these are Chanhee’s favorite ones most of all. Unfortunately, they were too few and far in between, although for Chanhee, this was the reason why they were always so special.

Right now, however, Minsoo is asleep, and while Chanhee usually harbors no qualms about waking him up from his naps, he doesn't feel like doing it right now. He could always try later again anyway.

So, he trots off to find Byunghun instead. Byunghun, his same-aged friend, who could not be any more different than him in personality.

If there was any guy whose smiles were the hardest to get, it’s him. Smiling for Byunghun was probably a painful experience, because getting him to smile usually felt like pulling a tooth out. This baffles Chanhee to no end, because how could anyone hate being happy?

This never stopped him from trying, however, because his smiles could be honest too, if he wanted – they were different from the smiles he’d throw at Angels or the constant preening he did in front of the camera. Sometimes, when it was just the six of them, alone at the dorms, lightning struck and Byunghun’s face would crack into a smile. Like Minsoo’s, these smiles were small, but this was because Byunghun didn’t want anyone else to see. With Minsoo, his smiles were small, because that was just how his mouth was shaped.

Chanhee bursts out giggling at the thought, and finds that he can’t stop, even as he walks into the kitchen and stops in front of Byunghun, who’s getting ready to eat his cereal.

“What’s so funny?” Byunghun frowns automatically, as if assuming the laughter was directed at him.

It takes a while before Chanhee can calm down to tell him. “Minsoo,” he begins, successfully holding his laughter in. “His mouth – it’s really small.” This triggers another bout of giggles and Chanhee has to sit down if he doesn’t want to be rolling around on the floor.

Byunghun stares at him for a moment before pouring some milk into his cereal. “So?” he asks. “I’m small.”

“Who pissed in your cereal?” Chanhee wants to grumble, but he remembers he’s here to get a smile out of his friend, so he says instead: “But it’s really small. I can’t imagine a big voice coming out of something so little. Can you?”

Byunghun considers this. “I guess so,” he says.

“He’s like a gorilla when he laughs,” Chanhee adds, remembering the vivid images that crossed his mind before. “No wonder everyone else is so scared to join in when they see him do it.”

When this gets no reaction from Byunghun also, Chanhee huffs, but he is adamant at getting a smile out of his friend, even if it will take him all day to do it. He almost throws a quick prayer to the gods to forgive him for what he was about to do to his leader, but the image of Minsoo in a gorilla suit flashes before his eyes, and Chanhee decides to put the prayers on hold for more important things.

“Like a deranged gorilla,” he persists, leaning in so closely to Byunghun until half his body is over the table. “Think about it, Byunghun, our own leader laughs like a deranged gori – augh!”

Chanhee’s foothold on his chair falters, and he wobbles dangerously for a few seconds, before tumbling face-first into Byunghun’s cereal bowl. He brings his head up quickly, his cereal and milk-smothered face hiding his horrified expression. Byunghun isn’t always forgiving when someone ruins anything of his, and Chanhee is immediately sorry to have earned his inevitable ire. He winces in anticipation for whatever is about to come next. Perhaps he should have sent that prayer up to the gods after all, he thinks.

“Oh crap, Byunghun,” he says hurriedly. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to –”

But the apology is cut short and Chanhee almost leans in closer to make sure that he isn’t hearing things, because Byunghun is leaning far back in his chair, pointing a finger at his milk-soaked friend, and laughing. Lee Byunghun is laughing.

Of course, Lee Byunghun is laughing at him, but this insignificant detail is something Chanhee chooses to ignore for now. He wipes some of the milk from his eyes and flicks some of it at his friend, and Chanhee is pleased to see that this is another insignificant something Byunghun also chooses to ignore.

 .

2010: something he doesn’t know he has yet

.

Byunghun doesn’t exactly make his disdain for hyperactive people a secret. This is something that doesn’t take long for everyone else to figure out, so they adjust accordingly, either by clinging to him in a misinformed attempt to make him feel welcome, or by staying out of his way altogether.

Long used to being on his own and left to his devices, it’s unclear to Byunghun how anyone could cling to anyone else so much, or how so many people found it so necessary to be with someone else all the time. Minsoo and Jonghyun were the exceptions sometimes, and Byunghun suspected this had something to do with all three of them sharing the same birth month. But when the rest of his bandmates got in the mood to piss him off, the other two would join in as well, leaving Byunghun on his own again.

He grows to tolerate his members, though, even if it takes him a while to do so. Chanhee’s the first loud person he becomes close to, which is fine, because Chanhee at least understands, even if he usually isn’t one to respect boundaries.

Niel and Changhyun are a little harder to adjust to, because with them being so restless all the time and Byunghun being so irritable all the time, it becomes, as Chanhee describes, “a recipe for disaster.”

“You let them get to you, that’s why,” he explains. “They’re always like this anyway, so you might as well get used to it.”

“But do they have to be so loud all the time?” Byunghun moans.

Chanhee shrugs. “You’re an idol now. Everyone’s supposed to be loud sometimes.” He pats Byunghun’s shoulder in sympathy. “You can be loud with fans, if you like. Everyone loves fanservice.”

So Byunghun gets loud with the fans, and the fans love him for it. He throws them hearts, smiles more than usual, and gets extra-clingy with the others, because he knows they’ll love him even more. If any of it feels unnatural, Byunghun casts the feelings aside and works harder at making fans happy instead. His actions scare the members a little, but they warm up to him almost immediately after, so he supposes that he’s made them happy too.

Even if his demeanor and overall attitude suggest otherwise, Byunghun does enjoy making people happy. He isn’t as loud about it as the others, but at least the intent is there, so everything works out in the end.

Except it doesn’t, not really, because Byunghun observes his members sometimes, and of all of them, it’s Changhyun who shines the most, which Byunghun doesn’t really understand. He wants to understand.

Everybody liked Changhyun right away. But with him, small, tiny Lee Byunghun, it had to take them a while before really opening up to him. Where Byunghun had to work hard to get people’s attention, Changhyun got it automatically. He didn’t have to work hard to be endearing. He just was.

At first, Byunghun is envious. But because he knows Changhyun, he also knows that the cuteness isn’t put-on or fake. It’s all natural and pure, so the envy turns into curiosity. Soon enough, his curiosity turns into admiration, although Byunghun would be the last person in the world to admit this. Until eventually, it turns into a natural, brotherly affection he resigns himself to, because it is impossible to stay angry with Changhyun for long.

He evaluates himself by using Changhyun as a reference. Is he being too annoying? Too pushy? Too angry? Changhyun gets bullied by the members too – how does he handle not exploding at them every time? It doesn’t get easier, however. Idol life, Byunghun finds, is difficult to get used to.

These are the thoughts running through his mind as he softly pads his way back to his bedroom, ready to turn in for the night. He passes by his juniors’ shared room, finds the light still on, and is about to enter to tell them to go to sleep. But they’re all sitting together so seriously, that this gives Byunghun pause. It’s only when he peeks through the door that he realizes that they’re all just playing something again on their tablets, which explains their hunched-over postures.

Well, at least only Niel and Changhyun are playing. Jonghyun is watching them from the top bunk, giving out the appropriate reactions whenever someone dies in-game.

“They’re not that scary,” Changhyun is telling them. “They’re okay. They’re more easy-going if you don’t annoy them too much.”

“I like Minsoo the best,” Niel declares. “He laughs at my jokes.”

Above them, Jonghyun scoffs. “He laughs at everything you say.”

Changhyun laughs at this. “They’re all okay. We just need to get used to them, that’s all.”

“Byunghun, most of all,” Niel replies. “I never know if he’s mad at me or not. At least I know how to act with the other two.”

“He scares me, that guy,” Jonghyun says. “He doesn’t even hit that hard, but he’s still scary.”

Outside, Byunghun frowns, but considers letting this go, because sleeping sounds a lot more appealing right now than beating up some disrespectful juniors. The conversation lulls to a stop after that and Byunghun is about to leave for his room, but Changhyun doesn’t seem to be finished with the topic yet.

“I think we should give him a chance,” he says. “We’re all still new to this. Him, especially. He’s from the States, remember? Chanhee told me he might have a harder time adjusting to this than anyone else. We should give him a chance.”

“Okay,” Niel agrees immediately. “You’re right. We’re going to be a team for a long time. It’ll be weird if we didn’t like one member.”

Jonghyun makes a noise of agreement of his own above them.

“I think he’s a cool guy,” Changhyun says, shrugging like this is no big deal. “He doesn’t even have to try to be cool sometimes. I wish I was like that.”

Byunghun quirks a smile at this, figuring that he could forgive Changhyun for being such a brat sometimes if it meant he could hear him say the nicest things. This, Byunghun knows now, is why people find it so easy to love Changhyun. So, he resolves to try it out too and give him a chance also.

“But I still think Minsoo’s the coolest of them all,” Changhyun says suddenly from inside. “There’s a guy you really can’t beat in coolness, no matter what anyone else says.”

He’ll try, Byunghun tells himself, slowly counting to ten.

He promises he’ll try really hard.

Chapter Text

“The first-ever meeting of the Teen Top Anti-Porn Committee is now in session.”

The statement was met by loud jeers and taunts, and Chanhee, unused to such monstrous booing, threw a pillow in the direction of the loudest noise-maker to make it stop. Jonghyun dodged the flying projectile instantly and watched it land on another member’s face instead.

“Ow!” Changhyun yelped.

“What the hell is this?” Minsoo crossed his arms.

“This has to stop,” Chanhee said. “I already told Niel to tell you, but it seems you refuse to listen to reason.”

Minsoo looked back at him defiantly. Then he loosened his stance, his angry stare slowly giving way to confusion.

“Stop giving your videos away to people!” Chanhee said, when it seemed that the answer wasn’t going to occur to Minsoo any time soon.

“Told you,” Niel said, not bothering to hide his snicker. He wished he'd brought some popcorn. “You’re in trouble now.”

“I don’t see why I have to be here too.”

“You’re just as problematic as this guy!” Chanhee pointed an accusing finger at Byunghun. “You didn’t start this, but this is all your fault anyway!”

“What?” Changhyun said, rubbing his nose. “That doesn’t make sense.”

“My point is,” Chanhee said. “Those videos have to go. Do you hear me, Minsoo? This is all your fault, you enabler.”

“Hey, you’re not the boss of me,” Minsoo said, more miffed that he was being told to cease all pornographic activity, instead of Chanhee calling a team meeting without his permission. “I can do whatever I want with myself. I’m a free man, this is a free country.”

Changhyun clapped his hands. “Yeah, Minsoo!” he cheered. “Now, that’s a real man for you. A real man!”

Chanhee grabbed Minsoo’s cap lid and shoved it downwards. “No!” he said and wagged a finger at Changhyun. “Don’t imitate the pervert! Bad!”

“Yeah, don’t imitate the pervert gorilla!” Niel joined in, always willing to lend a hand in the destruction of Minsoo’s credibility as the group’s leader.

“You know what we should do?” Changhyun said suddenly. “We should start stripping on stage.”

Niel turned to fix him with a mildly horrified look. “With your face? I don’t think so.”

“You’re one to talk about faces!”

“I’d like to start stripping on stage.”

“Shut up, Minsoo,” Chanhee said.

“That’s not fair,” Byunghun said. “I can’t strip. Changhyun can’t strip. Where does that leave us?”

“Hey!” Changhyun stopped pounding Niel’s shoulder to defend himself. “I can strip!”

“No stripping!” Chanhee yelled, trying to bring back some peace and order to his disrupted meeting.

“Jonghyun can join me,” Minsoo mused. “He can take off his shirt, I can take off my pants. It’ll be a good stage.”

“Fantastic idea,” Jonghyun said in full agreement. “We can be the Bang/Choi Show!”

“Bang/Choi Show, hut!” Minsoo leapt to his feet and flexed his arms.

“Bang/Choi Show, hey!” Jonghyun joined him on the bed and imitated his leader’s pose.

“It will be nothing but me and Jonghyun showing off our bodies,” Minsoo announced, ecstatic with his fabulous idea. “It’s gonna be great.”

“Bang/Choi Show, holla!” Jonghyun pounded his chest. Minsoo did the same.

“This is supposed to be the Anti-Porn Committee, not the Strip Club!” Chanhee yelled at them.

“Screw your Committee, I like the Strip Club show just fine,” Niel said. “Yeah, Jonghyun! Flex those abs!”

“Work it, Minsoo, work it!” Changhyun cheered from the floor.

Minsoo decided to show his appreciation for this heartfelt cheering by leaping off the bed and onto Changhyun, imitating the frog splash he saw on his favorite wrestling program.

“If it will make you happy,” Byunghun said, raising a hand. “I swear I’ll abstain from watching those videos.”

Chanhee’s face lit up in joy. “You mean it?” he said, edging close to his friend’s face. “You really, really mean it?!”

Byunghun backed away immediately. “It doesn’t really matter to me anyway.”

“You sell-out,” Minsoo accused, getting off Changhyun. “What happened to our alliance?”

“What alliance?”

“Hey, I can be your ally,” Changhyun volunteered. “My videos are way better than yours. We can share!”

Chanhee tried to smack the excited grin off Minsoo’s face. “Stop encouraging him!” he hissed. “You’re supposed to be our baby-faced baby! How could you let yourself be influenced by this monkey?”

“He didn’t influence anyone!” Changhyun said. “Nobody influenced me! I can’t help it that I’m a pervert now, can I?”

This stunned the room into silence. Changhyun’s latent perversion had been one of the team’s better-kept secrets for years now, but to actually hear him come out and confirm it instead of denying it vehemently was something else.

“Wow,” was all Niel could say.

“Attaboy, Ricky!” Minsoo cheered, charging towards him to give him a hug. Changhyun dashed away from him, the memories of that horrible frog splash still fresh in his mind.

Chanhee sniffed. “You were supposed to be one of the good ones,” he said. “You were supposed to be good and pure and too innocent for this world.” He paused and glared at him. “At least, that’s what the fans think.”

“Let my friend live,” Jonghyun said. “I think it’s cool he wants to watch that kind of stuff.”

Changhyun charged towards him to give him a hug, which Jonghyun happily returned. Minsoo looked on in envy.

“You know, this isn’t really going anywhere,” Byunghun said. “Honestly, there’s nothing you can do if we want to watch porn sometimes.”

“Yeah,” Niel agreed. “This is getting kind of boring.”

“You brats are so unappreciative of my efforts,” Chanhee huffed. “Go ahead, watch all you like. You’re not going to drag me down to that level.”

“Yeah right.” Niel snickered. “I know you check Minsoo’s laptop when he isn’t looking.”

“That was you?” Minsoo asked. “No wonder some of my videos keep disappearing.”

“You know I’m only doing this for your own good.”

“But you said you stopped doing that last year!”

“You’re our leader! You’re supposed to set a good example.”

“But you deleted all the good ones.” Minsoo looked like he was about to burst into tears.

“You monster,” Niel accused. “Now look at what you’ve done.”

Now, even Chanhee was beginning to look nervous. “Well, if you didn’t watch that sort of thing so often!”

“Look, he can’t help it, alright?” Byunghun said. “It’s not our fault everyone in this house is so pretty. It’s really all because of you guys that we keep watching this sort of thing to remind us of the better things out there!”

This sudden confession stunned the room into silence yet again. It was one thing to continuously flaunt your good looks among guys, and it was also one other thing to fall for each other. Those were okay and still acceptable for everyone involved. But to openly admit to these things in front of the other guys was something else entirely, and it was difficult to ignore the icy awkwardness that followed this confession.

After a lengthy silence, Jonghyun slowly raised a hand. “If we’re confessing things here,” he said. “I admit I’m not very attracted to girls either.”

“Really?” Changhyun asked, looking hopeful.

“Really?” Chanhee asked, looking terrified.

“I’m not very attracted to guys either,” Jonghyun clarified, ignoring their saddened and relieved expressions. “It’s all about the personality, you know. The personality. I don’t think looks should be everything.”

“Really?” Minsoo asked, looking extremely grossed-out. “You’re so lame.”

“Why are we confessing things here all of a sudden anyway?” Chanhee asked everyone. “This was supposed to be an intervention, not a confession session.”

But Niel, always one for juicy gossip about his members, was having none of it. “Who cares about that now?” he retorted, fully immersing himself in the moment. “This is way more exciting than your idea.”

“Ugh.” Chanhee groaned, although he was also secretly very excited to hear his friends’ deepest, darkest secrets.

“Hey,” Niel said and turned to Byunghun. “Is that why you don’t like showering with us anymore?”

Byunghun look pained, instantly regretting making that confession. “That’s none of your business!”

“But you just told us,” Changhyun said. “We’re involved now.” He gasped. “Do you look at me in the shower?”

Niel looked at him, skeptical. “What’s there to look at?”

Changhyun threw a pillow at Niel. “I’d like to confess that I’m not a pervert.”

Niel threw the pillow back to its rightful owner. “That’s a stupid confession.”

“Why don’t you confess something if you’re so good!”

“Fine,” Niel huffed. “I confess…” He gulped nervously. “I confess that, okay, maybe I do look at you guys in the shower sometimes.”

Byunghun looked scandalized, while beside him, Changhyun looked pleased.

“I don’t look at you, you know,” Niel said, taking some pleasure in the crestfallen look that had replaced his gloating expression from earlier.

“Wanna know who he looks at?”

“Not you, Minsoo.”

“Aw.”

“Niel, would you please stop looking at other people without their permission,” Chanhee said severely. “It’s rude.”

Niel narrowed his eyes. “I look at Chanhee, actually,” he said, just to piss him off.

Chanhee preened and pretended to tuck some hair behind his ear. “Well, I am very attractive. I can’t help that you keep looking at me.”

Minsoo made some gagging noises beside Niel.

“I was kidding, I actually like looking at Jonghyun.”

Jonghyun leapt on the bed again and imitated his favorite Power Rangers pose. “Recognize your true leader, peasants,” he declared proudly from his roost.

Minsoo threw a stray pillow at him while making some loud booing noises.

“If everyone just looks at each other anyway, then why are we still watching porn?” Chanhee piped up, ever the voice of reason.

Jonghyun plopped back down on the floor. “I don’t look at anyone.”

"You liar," Byunghun accused, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

Niel pouted at Jonghyun. “You’re no fair.”

“What’s there to look at?” Changhyun harped at him.

“I’m serious!” Chanhee said. “What’s the point of watching that stuff anyway when we’re all here?”

“Because it’s fun?” Minsoo said. “At least I like watching it ‘cause it’s fun. What about you?” He nudged Byunghun.

But he was not going to stoop down to his level. “I’m not saying anything anymore.” He crossed his arms.

“As long as we’re doing confessions,” Chanhee said. “I want to hear what Minsoo has to say.”

“What? What do I have to say?”

“Who do you look at in the shower?” Niel demanded. “You even take pictures, don’t you? Admit it.”

Minsoo shrugged. “I look at myself.”

A moment of silence followed this revelation. Everyone looked at him with unreadable expressions on their faces, although Chanhee was hardly impressed.

“Your confession is the worst.”

“We should really strip on stage,” Changhyun said, eager to take everyone’s minds off his leader’s dumbness. “Think of the reactions.”

Minsoo leapt on the bed, giddy with this idea. Then, before anyone could think to do anything, he began to do some body rolls and slowly started to take his shirt off. “I need you baby, baby, baby,” he sang. “Uh, uh, uh.” Everyone else looked on with varying degrees of horror.

“I feel abused,” Niel said. “That’s my part, isn’t it? Stop abusing my part of the song!”

“Is it too late to call child services?” Changhyun asked.

“Somehow, I can’t bring myself to look away,” Chanhee said, half of him disappointed with himself, and the other half intrigued by what Minsoo was going to take off next.

Byunghun was moaning by himself and covering his face with his hands, while Jonghyun was making gagging noises behind him.

Minsoo continued to flex in front of his unappreciative team. “This is where the real gunshow’s at, gentlemen,” he said. “Check it – ohhh yeah.”

“Oh my god.” Changhyun covered his eyes.

“I feel violated,” Niel said. “Seriously, never sing my parts that way again.”

“Please put some clothes on,” Chanhee said. “People might see you and actually think you’re our leader.”

Byunghun snapped out of his funk. “Jonghyun, quick! Take him down before he takes off his pants!”

“Don’t give him any ideas!” Niel yelled.

But Minsoo had already begun to undo his belt. Jonghyun wasted no time and tackled him to the ground.

“You guys are no fun,” he whined from the floor.

“You know what your problem is?” Changhyun stood up and adjusted his belt. “Your problem is, you aren’t sexy enough.”

“Are we doing this again?” Niel groaned. “Hey, whatever it is, nobody wants to know. Or look.”

“I am a grown man now,” Changhyun explained to his captive audience. “And I just thought all of you needed to know that.” He took off his shirt and pants.

“Oh my god.” Niel stared at him, torn between looking horrified and bursting into laughter. “He just took off his pants, didn’t he?” He nudged Byunghun, who’d gone back to moaning by himself again.

“Well,” Minsoo said, sweeping an appreciative gaze over Changhyun’s body. “At least he’s not totally naked.”

Chanhee burst into laughter.

“Please don’t give him ideas,” Byunghun pleaded.

“No longer am I the cute Yoo Changhyun of before,” Changhyun gloated, now that the ice had been broken. “The Yoo Changhyun who stands before you now is a manly and sexy beast, bursting with appeal and charm. As such, I demand to be treated more seriously.”

Everyone stared at Changhyun in silence, wondering how long it must have taken him to practice his speech in front of the mirror.

“That’s going to be easy,” Byunghun finally said.

Chanhee rolled around on the floor in laughter.

“Prepare yourselves –” Jonghyun’s voice came from the bed. “Let me show you now how a true king of sexiness looks like.”

He ripped his pants off, swung them above his head, and threw them away.

It was Minsoo who caught them. He frowned at his prize in disgust.

“Choi Jonghyun, you brat! Don’t even think about taking off your – dammit!” Chanhee yelled. Jonghyun was posing on the bed, now totally naked.

Minsoo stared at him, seething with envy. “Hey,” he said, now also standing up. “How come he gets to strip and I don’t?” He tossed Jonghyun's pants behind him and took off for the bed, looking to end Jonghyun’s ten-second reign as their hottest member.

Byunghun stared on at all of them in disgusted wonder, unable to come up with words to properly describe his feelings about the situation.

“Good show, good show!” Niel egged on from the floor, waving encouragingly at them. A naked Jonghyun was being pinned down by a near-naked Changhyun and Minsoo, while Chanhee, still fully-clothed, was trying to restore order and balance from the top of the dogpile.

Byunghun weighed the pros and cons of helping Chanhee. On one hand, his help would definitely sort this mess out faster. But as it was, he also didn’t feel like getting squashed by anyone’s naked bodies at the moment, so he remained on his spot on the floor, unable and unwilling to do anything to address the chaos. 

“Hey, Chanhee, maybe you should take something off too!”

But he could do something about his loud-mouthed bandmate beside him.

“Take it off! Take it - ow!”

Niel’s pained shout was enough to bring a relaxed smile to Byunghun’s face. For now, at least, some semblance of order and balance had been restored on his side of the dorms. Everything else could sort itself out later - preferably at some late, late date and time, where all of his members could be fully-clothed and fully sane. 

Byunghun wasn’t going to hold his breath on that last one, though. 

Chapter Text

“Read this,” Niel says, shoving his tablet closer to Minsoo’s face.

Minsoo instinctively starts to mutter things about being leader and respecting one’s elders, but he grabs it anyway. His eyes skim over the article, disinterested and bored, and they stay that way until he finishes reading.

“That’s it?” He snorts and gives the tablet back to Niel. He’s had worse things written about him before – and he’s lived through them too. He figures his other teammates could stand to hear some bad things about themselves every now and again.

But Niel doesn’t look like he agrees. “Did you even read it?” he asks. It’s a stupid question and Minsoo tells him so. Niel hits him for that.

“Wait ‘till you read the stuff they say about me,” Minsoo says, with some pride.

Niel shakes his head. “Shut up,” he says. “Shut up and look at it again. Then think of our friend when you do. Our sweet, innocent, little friend who has done no wrong in his life…”

Minsoo snorts again, but he reads it again if it will make him happy.

He still isn’t impressed.

“Quit worrying,” he says. “This is nothing.”

“It might not be for him!” Niel hisses, smacking him again for his trouble. “You’re useless. At least ride with me on this.”

Minsoo finally decides to hit him back and revels in the sounds Niel makes when he does. After all these years, it’s still very satisfying to get his revenge in such tangible ways like this. He hopes he never gets tired of it.

“Fine.” Niel huffs. “I’ll just get someone else to do this with me instead. Just so you know, you’re useless.”

“Just so you know, you’re annoying.”

“At least you’re still uglier than I am.”

“You’re really annoying.”

“If our little Changhyunnie suffers from an emotional crisis because of this and doesn’t recover,” Niel says, shaking his head in disappointment, “then I’ll make sure to tell him how concerned his dear leader was.”

“Shut up, you’re noisy.”

“And you’re ugly.”

Minsoo chases him around the dorms the rest of the day, not stopping until he’s gotten in a good whack or ten upside his head.

The next day, Byunghun is irrationally nice to Changhyun, and Minsoo instantly knows that it’s because of the stupid article. He confronts Niel about it as soon as they're able to spare a moment during practice.

“I told you not to make a big deal out of this.”

Niel raises his nose and crosses his arms. Minsoo looks at him, unimpressed. It’s a classic Lee Chanhee pose and it doesn’t look quite right on Niel.

“Why is this one article different?” Minsoo asks. “You’ve had all those things written about you. So have I. And the others, too. What’s with this one?”

“You read it,” Niel answers, like that’s supposed to shed light on anything.

Minsoo blinks at him, waiting.

Niel sighs loudly. “Because no one should hate Changhyun,” he says. “He’s our little angel, our tiny prince charming, our –”

“Our annoyed dance instructor if you two don’t hurry up and move it,” Chanhee says from behind them. He slaps both of their behinds for good measure. “What’s this about?” he asks. But because he’s already heard Changhyun’s name, he’s able to connect the dots fairly quickly. “Oh, is this about that thing Niel read about Changhyunnie online?”

Minsoo resists the urge to smack the smug look off Niel’s face.

“I wouldn’t worry about it,” Chanhee says. “I guess it's alright if we didn’t tell him we read it too.”

Niel resists the urge to smack the childish, taunting look off Minsoo’s face.

“But it wouldn’t hurt to try and be nice to him either.” Chanhee grins at their glaring contest. “You two, seriously.” He trots back to practice, suddenly ruffling Changhyun’s hair as soon as he’s in formation. Changhyun yells something at him in response and smoothens his hair in front of the mirror.

“He’s going to figure this out.” Minsoo hisses.

“You’re ugly.” Niel glares.

They shove each other the entire way back to the center of the dance studio.

Jonghyun also looks like he’s gotten in on the act with everyone, but it’s not terribly out of character for him to be so nice to Changhyun. The two of them have been close since debut, so it’s often difficult to tell when they’re being nasty to each other or not.

What is out of character for Jonghyun, however, is that he is sharing food with Changhyun backstage. Jonghyun nearly never shares his food when they’re out performing, especially not with a fellow glutton like Changhyun. Minsoo is understandably jealous.

“Hey.” He shoves Niel beside him. “Give me some.”

Niel hurriedly finishes off his bread slice. “No more,” he says, bread crumbs spraying out of his mouth and onto Minsoo’s shirt.

Minsoo scowls at him and shoves him again, harder, but Niel looks absolutely pleased with himself. But the look immediately gives way to panic, as he realizes too late that maybe he’s tried to swallow the bread slice too hard and too quickly. Minsoo looks on in satisfaction when Niel dashes off to the nearest water fountain to loosen his throat.

He grabs a bread slice off Byunghun’s plate instead, and Byunghun, already used to this game of theirs, grabs the last slice Niel’s abandoned on his plate.

“You read that thing he showed you, right?” Minsoo says. “Is it really that bad?”

Byunghun looks up at him, wondering. It takes him a few moments before he realizes what they’re talking about. “Oh,” he says. “Yeah. Yeah, I did.” He swallows, takes a drink from his water bottle, and wipes his mouth. “It wasn’t really so bad. Yours was worse. Niel’s too, before.”

Minsoo nods approvingly. “That’s what I told him.” He points at Niel, who’s still gasping and heaving by the water fountain. “You think Changhyun saw it too?”

“Maybe.” Byunghun shrugs. “If he has, he hasn’t reacted differently. He’s still the same.”

Minsoo nods approvingly again. “He’s tough. He’ll make it.”

“Hm. I don’t know,” Byunghun says. “What they wrote there was pretty bad, now that I think about it. But it can’t hurt to be nice to him for a while, right?”

“You moron,” Minsoo says, nudging him roughly. “You mean you aren’t nice to him all the time?”

“You too!” Byunghun accuses, nudging him back. “You’re worse to him than I am, sometimes!”

Minsoo beams with a weird sort of pride. But he remembers he’s trying to be nice, so he adopts a sterner look instead. But he also remembers that he isn’t supposed to care about this little thing, so he finally ends up looking like a confused child at last.

“I don’t know. Maybe you should ask Jonghyun about it. Those two tell each other everything.”

“Hm. You’re right.” Minsoo coughs into his hand. “I still don’t think we should be so bothered.”

Byunghun nods. “Me too. But Niel’s being so annoying about it, I figured we could stand to be nice to Changhyun for a while.”

Minsoo clicks his tongue and swats his head. “Idiot,” he scolds. “We should be nice to each other all the time.”

Byunghun laughs at him. “Who died and made you our group counsellor?”

“Shut up. I’m just saying, ‘cause he might not be okay after all.”

“I thought you said this wasn’t a big deal.”

“Shut up, Mister Perfect. You wouldn’t know, you’ve barely had any bad press since debut.”

“It’s not my fault I’m so popular.”

Minsoo raises a hand in mock threat. Byunghun flinches in mock fear. They look at each other for a moment and burst out in laughter.

“Hey!” Niel exclaims, making his way back to them. “Who ate that last one?” Minsoo and Byunghun point at each other instantly. Niel glowers at both of them and hits both of their heads in retaliation.

Their performance that day goes by without a hitch and they only experience the minor problems, like Minsoo missing a beat with his rap, Minsoo missing a beat in their dance, and Minsoo missing a beat when they flash hearts at the audience. Everyone rags him about it backstage, but Minsoo has his mind on other matters, like how deceptively normal Changhyun looked the entire time.

He’s still thinking about it even when they pile into their van, and he’s annoyed that he’s spent so much time thinking about something that shouldn’t have mattered in the first place. Beside him, Niel is still running through all of his mistakes earlier at the broadcast, with the matching exaggerated repetitions.

“What was that for!” Niel says, seconds after getting slugged by Minsoo again. He pouts at him, rubbing the sore spot on his arm.

Minsoo grunts and settles down for a nap. “This is your fault,” he tells him. He casts one last worried glance at Changhyun and frowns at himself for worrying, before pulling his cap over his face. 

Dinner back at the dorms is a normal affair, until Changhyun makes an idle comment about how fat he’s gotten recently. He pinches his stomach lightly for emphasis, but only Jonghyun laughs normally. Niel and Chanhee laugh a bit too loudly, while Byunghun keeps his head bowed and sips his soup like the polite guy he is.

“I don’t think you’re getting fat,” Minsoo says before he could stop himself. Had the comments mentioned Changhyun’s weight gain? He doesn’t remember.

There’s an awkward silence that falls upon the members and Minsoo looks up from his food, already knowing that it’s because of what he said. He sees Niel snicker into his hand, and Minsoo is instantly able to find a way to get rid of the tension.

“Niel’s lips could use a diet, though.”

That brings the lively atmosphere back, although Minsoo pays for it later when Niel steals his share of the cake they’d saved for dessert.

Tonight, it’s the eldest members’ turn to do the dishes, so Minsoo does his part by gathering all the dishes from the table and dumping them all in the sink for Chanhee to wash.

“Haven’t been able to stop thinking about it too, have you?” Chanhee smiles at Minsoo from the sink.

He shakes his head, not realizing he’d been looking at the floor that long. “You too?” he asks.

“Kind of hard not to,” Chanhee says. “Not when Niel keeps talking about it.”

Minsoo chuckles, despite himself. “He’s kind of right. I didn’t think it was anything big, at first.”

Chanhee nods. “Then you read it over and over again…”

“And the more I did, the more I thought he didn’t deserve it.”

“Byunghun’s been thinking about it non-stop too,” Chanhee says. “He just didn’t want anyone else to think so.”

“Yeah, he’d be like that.” Minsoo laughs. “Have you noticed anything different about him?”

“Changhyun? No. He’s been so normal so far. If he’s bothered about it, then he’s good at hiding it.”

“This is all Niel’s fault.”

Chanhee laughs. “Not really. One of us would have found out about it sooner or later.”

“Yeah.” Minsoo sniffs. “But who would have talked to everyone else about it? Talked to Changhyun about it?”

There’s a beat of silence before Chanhee speaks up again. “I might have. But only if he’d been acting depressed or something.”

“I’m not blaming you. Nobody talked to me either last time, when it happened.”

Chanhee glances at him, worried for a while, but relaxes when Minsoo smiles easily at him. It’s true, though, Minsoo thinks. He’d developed a thick skin for these sorts of things long ago, that it was easy to forget the possibility that some of his other members might not have the same dispositions. What more for Changhyun, who barely had anything of this level written about him in the first place?

“Hey,” Chanhee says, snapping him out of his thoughts. “I don’t think it’s bad, what we’re doing. Knowing him, he’s probably put all that behind him already.” He dries off the last of the dishes and wipes his hands on a towel. “But I don’t know. He might have been thinking about weird stuff again. It was published just this week, you know.”

Minsoo nods, scrunching up his face in concentration. Chanhee chews his lip nervously.

“Fine.” Minsoo lets out a large breath and runs a hand through his hair. “I’ll check on him tonight if it will make everyone happy. But for the record, I don’t think it’s a big deal.”

Chanhee laughs. “That’s fair. But it never hurts to make sure, right?”

“Whatever.” Minsoo points towards the sink. “You missed a spoon.”

Chanhee turns and looks behind him. “What? Where?”

Minsoo walks up to him and slaps his exposed head. “Just kidding, you idiot.”

Chanhee flicks the wet towel towards Minsoo, not feeling particularly sorry when the towel smacks across his nose a bit too harshly.

He walks inside Changhyun’s room and isn’t totally surprised to find Jonghyun with him there. Minsoo feels a surge of panic well up inside him when he sees them staring intently at a laptop, but is immediately relieved when he discovers that they’re checking each other’s e-mails.

Wasting no time, he walks over to the bed and taps Jonghyun on the shoulder. “Hey,” he says and jerks a thumb towards the door. “Out. I need him for a while.”

The two youngest members exchange a glance. Changhyun sighs and shakes his head, which might have been some sort of secret signal between the two, because Jonghyun is still lingering by his friend’s side. He glares up at Minsoo. “What for?” Jonghyun asks.

“Nothing. It’s private business. I think.”

“Make up your mind.”

“Do you want to die?”

“Not if I kill you first.”

“Hey, this isn’t the time to be annoying.” But Minsoo catches the look on Changhyun's face and he instantly wavers on the spot. “Fine,” he says. “Fine. You can stay. But you have to shut up until I’m finished.”

Jonghyun crosses his arms, smug. “Okay.”

“Changhyun,” Minsoo says. “The others and I have been talking…” He pauses. How exactly did someone start these sorts of conversations anyway? He pinches the bridge of his nose, already adding this experience to his mental list of reasons why he probably shouldn’t have been made leader of this team. He tries again. “It’s about this thing Niel saw on the internet.”

“Ah, I knew it.” Changhyun sighs and looks down at the floor.

Minsoo squirms, already uncomfortable.

Jonghyun, meanwhile, is being totally unhelpful, shooting sharp glares towards Minsoo when he thinks he isn't looking.

“Yeah, of course. What else would you want to talk to me about?” Changhyun shakes his head. “I read it too. It’s okay, you know. You don’t need to be so awkward about it.”

“Yes, well…” Minsoo fidgets. “Well, I just wanted to tell you – and this isn’t just from me, it’s from the other guys too – we wanted to tell you to don’t mind any of that stuff.” He draws in a breath, gaining confidence now, thanks to his past experiences. “All that stupid stuff they post online, we don’t really listen to that. What do they know, huh?” He grins when he finds Changhyun nodding at him from the bed. “We’re the only ones in the world who can make fun of you, okay? Remember that.”

He sucks in a breath and nods to himself, completely satisfied with how his speech turned out. But his confident stance immediately withers, because the other two are laughing at him from the bed, and Minsoo has no idea why. He thinks he hears some muffled laughter also coming from outside the room, but he isn’t sure he can just leave to check right now.

“Was that it?” Jonghyun says. “Was that the inspirational speech from our leader?”

Changhyun hiccups and waves a hand in front of his face, trying to will the last of his laughter away. He’s mostly successful. “Jonghyunnie.” He coughs.

This is probably another secret signal of theirs, because Jonghyun nods at him immediately and gets up from the bed to leave. He smiles at Minsoo and claps a warm hand on his shoulder.

“You tried,” he says, before exiting the room. 

Minsoo looks back at Changhyun, confused. “Okay,” he says. “What’s this about? We’re really concerned about you here.”

“It’s really okay, I keep telling you,” Changhyun answers. “And thanks, that’s good to know. Really.”

“Are you sure?”

Changhyun nods.

“… Really?” Minsoo wonders if he’d been like that too, before. “Because Niel didn’t think so. He wouldn't stop bugging me about it.”

Changhyun laughs. “I’m not surprised. But really, it’s okay. I’m okay. You don’t have to be so worried.”

“Kind of hard not to.” Minsoo scratches his ear. “The comments weren’t… nice.”

Changhyun snorts. “Yeah, you could say that again,” he says. “But honestly? I’m almost happy they were talking about me at all. I barely see my name in the comments anyway, so it was no big deal when they talked about me there last night.” He fiddles with his blankets, then stops, once he sees the horrified look on Minsoo’s face. “But it’s okay! It’s not as bad as it sounds, I promise!”

“Are you sure?” Minsoo gapes at him, now wondering if he should have dragged any of the others in with him. He wasn’t sure he could handle this on his own. “Because it does sound bad, even if you said it isn’t.”

“It really isn’t that bad. It’s just…” He looks down at the floor again, but the uncertainty lasts for just a moment. He looks back up again at Minsoo. “I’m not the best at anything on this team, I know that already.”

Minsoo starts suddenly, raring to interrupt, but Changhyun raises a hand before he can get a word out.

“Before you say anything, just…” he says. “You have to promise you won’t overreact. Because I know how this sounds, but you have to believe me. It’s really not as bad as I make it sound.”

Minsoo frowns, unsure.

“Promise!”

He sighs, giving in. He runs a hand down his face. “I’m such a softy for all of you, I swear,” he grumbles. “Fine. I promise.”

Changhyun smiles in thanks, then continues. “I’m not the best singer, or the best dancer, or even best visuals.” He pauses and puts a finger to his chin. “Wait. Okay, so maybe I can be best visuals.” He grins when he hears a loud snort. 

“I’m not sure I follow.”

“I’m just fine with not being the best, that’s all,” he says. “That’s fine, right? I mean, it’d be awesome if we were perfect all the time, which we are when you aren’t screwing up on stage.”

“Now, wait a minute.”

“But I just want to make people happy. I can’t make everyone happy, but at least the ones who matter to me are.” He smiles up at Minsoo. “That’s what matters to me. So really, I’m good.”

Minsoo stares at him in disbelief. “You just thought about this? By yourself?”

Changhyun narrows his eyes. “You don’t believe me?”

“It’s not that! It’s just… I never thought about it like that before.”

“Neither did I!” Chanhee yells from the doorway and bounds into the room, knocking Minsoo aside to get to Changhyun. The rest of the members spill into the room after him.

Jonghyun is the last of them to follow, and he is immediately apologetic as soon as he enters. “Sorry,” he says to Changhyun, scratching the back of his head. “They wanted to know about it too. I couldn’t stop them.”

Changhyun sighs. “It’s fine. I’d hate to repeat that to everyone anyway.” He tries to shove a weeping Chanhee off him. “Get off! I’m okay now!” But Chanhee holds onto him tighter, still yelling incomprehensibly through his tears.

“You knew about this?” Niel demands, looking at Jonghyun. “And you didn’t tell us?”

“Stop that,” Minsoo scolds. “It wasn’t his to tell.”

“He didn’t even want me to tell you guys anyway,” Jonghyun answers, before throwing a worried glance to his friend.

“What?” Chanhee looks up from his suffocating embrace to properly glare at Changhyun. “Why didn’t you?”

“Because I knew you’d all be like this!” he says and is finally successful in throwing his clingy senior off. “Seriously, I’m fine! I was pissed about it, of course. But Jonghyun told me not to worry about it, so I didn’t.”

“Just like that?” Byunghun says. “Really?”

Changhyun shrugs. “Sure. I don’t even know who that anonymous poster was anyway! Why should I care what they think?”

“But all that stuff about not being the best?” Minsoo asks, still uncomfortable about that last revelation. “What was that about?”

“Well, it is true,” Changhyun says. “But I meant that in a good way! See, this is what I meant when I said it wasn’t a big deal.”

Chanhee pokes a finger to his chest. “Explain,” he huffs.

“When you’re not the best at anything, then that’s a good thing,” he answers. “Because that means I can only get better, right? If you’re the best, then you’re stuck at that level and you can’t improve. At least I can still work harder and get better.”

The older members take a few moments to silently digest this and once the realization hits them, they all stare at Changhyun, amazed.

“You really are something,” Byunghun marvels.

Niel nods on at him in a mix of pride and approval. Then, he looks at Chanhee and laughs, pointing a finger at him. “Then that means you’re stuck like this forever,” he gloats. “You’re definitely better vocals and visuals than everyone here, so it’s all downhill for you from now on.”

“Hey, do you want to die?”

“Yoo Changhyun, you’re a genius. I don’t know why I was so worried in the first place,” Niel says, giving him a high-five.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell all of you,” Minsoo moans from the side.

Jonghyun bursts out in sudden laughter. “Your speech was really something too, you know.” He chokes, trying to tone down his chuckles. “Really one of a kind. Very inspiring.”

Chanhee joins in on the laughter, his feud with Niel instantly forgotten. “Hey, when I have problems, you should talk to me like that too.” He lowers his voice and swings his arms from side to side, miming a gorilla. “We’re the only ones in the world who can make fun of you, okay? Remember that.” He collapses to the floor in a fit of laughter.

Minsoo frowns at him. “Hey, I don’t sound like that.” He catches Byunghun trying to hide a smirk. “Do I?”

Byunghun looks away, face reddening.

Niel pounds away at his chest, sending Chanhee into more laughing spasms.

Jonghyun grins at everyone and joins his friend on the bed. He nudges his shoulder lightly. “See, what did I tell you?” he says. “Told you it was going to be fine.”

“Yeah.” Changhyun smiles up at him. “Thanks.”

“No problem. So, you’re going to be okay now, right?”

“Of course I am. It wasn’t really a big deal in the first place anyway.”

“Because if they start making fun of you about it, I won’t help you.”

Changhyun looks at the rest of the members and shakes his head. “No,” he says. “I don’t think they’re going to bring this up again. I’m pretty sure they won’t.”

“I guess you’re right.” Jonghyun scratches the side of his nose. “I wonder when I’ll get to see some bad comments about me too.”

Changhyun slaps his thigh. “Moron,” he says. “Everybody loves you. There’s no one who talks about you like that.”

Jonghyun hums, considering this. “I guess.”

“Besides, if anyone talked about you like that, I’d hit them for you.”

Jonghyun laughs, shoving him lightly. He laughs harder when Changhyun begins flexing his arm. “Okay,” Jonghyun says. “Okay, you win. I’ll leave it to you, then.”

“Of course!” Changhyun answers. “I’m older than you, aren’t I? Of course I’ll look out for you!”

Jonghyun laughs again and pretends to throw a punch. Changhyun immediately dives under some pillows and Jonghyun chases after him, kicking the laptop shut by accident.

“Hey!” Chanhee yells from the floor. “No kicking around on the bed! You’ll break something!”

“I’ll break your face!” Niel yells, stomping on him.

Chanhee glares up at him and pulls Niel’s legs from under him, sending him toppling to the floor with him. Niel yells for any of the rappers to help him out, but both of them have already vacated the room, choosing to watch some TV outside, instead of dealing with the rest of the members.

The nasty comments are downvoted and deleted the next day, and nobody feels the need to bring it up anymore. But it still doesn’t stop Minsoo from being overly nice to Changhyun anyway, and nobody brings this up either, because Changhyun is obviously enjoying the extra attention.

“Just being a good leader,” Minsoo says gruffly. “Friend, I mean,” he says almost immediately, correcting himself. “Being a good friend.”

Changhyun already knows this, but he smiles at him, grateful all the same.

Chapter Text

Byunghun was halfway between waking up and going back to sleep when he felt someone shaking him roughly. As he hated being woken up for no good reason – and with him, there were no good reasons, unless you were in the hospital or were about to do something to land him in the hospital – Byunghun dealt with this minor annoyance the same way he dealt with all minor annoyances.

He shoved the hand off his shoulder and burrowed himself further into his blankets, to return to his sweet, sweet darkness. It was the group’s day-off and he intended to enjoy it to the fullest.

The minor annoyance laughed, and from its deep baritone, Byunghun was immediately able to identify the minor annoyance as Minsoo. His hatred for him increased tenfold – of all people, Minsoo was supposed to understand his need for extended sleeping hours better than anyone. So to have that big lug of a hypocrite wake him up now was bad enough to knock it up to a level higher than his regular minor annoyances. He'd have to talk to him about that later.

But first, he needed to go back to sleep.

“Whatever, let’s go.”

That was Chanhee. Byunghun recognized that irritated voice anywhere.

Not that he particularly cared, of course.

If his sleep was being disturbed, then nothing – or nobody – could be possibly more important than getting it back.

And because it didn’t sound like anyone had to go to the hospital anyway, Byunghun was fully determined to stay in sleep stasis for as long as he possibly could. He thought he heard Minsoo say something about charging or charger or charges, but Byunghun figured that it was something that only concerned Chanhee.

Not him, obviously, so he slept on.

Then, he woke up.

It was unbelievably hot inside the dorms today and for a second, Byunghun wondered if it was his blanket’s fault for making it this way. But even after he’d stripped it off him, the sweat still trickled down his back. He sat up and shook himself awake. When he gained his bearings, he found Niel, Changhyun, and Jonghyun having some weird stand-off in the middle of the living room.

Changhyun was the first one who spotted him. “Ah!” he said and pointed a finger at Byunghun. “Crap, he’s awake now. We’re so dead.”

“It’s not my fault,” Jonghyun protested immediately. He pointed a finger at Niel. “It was your ball.”

“You kicked it,” Niel countered.

“Right at the aircon!” Changhyun added.

“And who was supposed to be goalie?”

So now, they both stared at Changhyun with an accusing hatred in their eyes.

Byunghun blinked away the remaining grogginess from his eyes, before finally confronting them. "Okay," he said, already bracing himself for an answer he knew he wasn't going to like. “What did you guys do this time?”

The situation was this: to celebrate a rare day-off, the three youngest members decided to play football. However, as it was too hot to play outside, playing indoors seemed a much more appealing – if not less sensible – option for everyone involved. But because of Niel’s enthusiastic shouts, Jonghyun’s enthusiastic kicks, and Changhyun’s enthusiastic everything, a quiet game was not to be so.

“So now the aircon’s broken, which really isn’t my fault.”

“Shut up, Changhyun, you let that ball hit the thing on purpose.”

“How is that even possible!”

“It was your ball.”

Byunghun groaned to the heavens. After spending such a lovely time sleeping the morning away, waking up to errant juniors and a broken aircon unit were definitely down there on his personal list of things he wanted to be dealing with right now. Byunghun decided he needed the advice and guidance of someone more experienced in the art of denying the existence of broken things.

“Where’s Minsoo?”

Niel waved a hand towards the door. “Out visiting his mom. And before you ask, Chanhee isn’t here either. He said he had to buy a new cellphone case.”

“Minsoo said you were in charge today,” Jonghyun said.

Byunghun stared at him, quite unable to believe it. “What?” he said. “That can’t be right.”

But the morning’s events replayed immediately in his mind and suddenly, without warning, Minsoo’s low rumble of a voice made its way to Byunghun’s sleep-ridden memory.

“Charge?” Byunghun said again. “Is that what he said, that I was in charge?”

Changhyun exchanged a look with the others. “Yeah, that’s what he said. Are you okay?  Do we need to get you coffee or something?”

Charge.

Byunghun was in charge of them today.

So that was what Minsoo had been telling him earlier.

“Shit.”

Seeing that Byunghun was now beginning to feel the gravity of Minsoo’s instructions crash down upon him, the other three members tried to look at him with some sympathy.

“Sorry?” Jonghyun offered.

But Byunghun was still in a state of shock. There was absolutely no way he would be able to handle any of this on his own. He decided to take care of this the same way he took care of most of his other problems.

He tried to go back to sleep.

“Hey!” Niel said, bounding over to rip the blanket away from Byunghun.

“Leave me alone,” Byunghun said under the blanket, still fighting to hold onto the belief that this was all a bad dream and that he would wake up from it soon.

“This is useless,” Changhyun said, before striding over to them and successfully wrestling the blanket away from them both. “You’re a man aren’t you? Wake up and face it like a man!”

This woke him up completely. “Me? What did I do? I didn’t break the stupid thing!”

“Yeah, but you still have to help us think of something,” Changhyun answered. “You’re in charge now, remember? Think of what they’ll say when they get home and find everything like this. They’ll never put you in charge of anything again.”

“That’s a good thing!”

“It’s not!”

“Yes, it is!”

“Shut up, both of you!” Niel said, fed up with their nonsense. “It’s almost five o’clock. Byunghun, don’t look at me like that, nobody judges you for sleeping the day away.”

“We can bring it up on the next variety show.”

“Shut up, Changhyun.”

Byunghun looked all around him to try and assess how much cleaning they would have to do in a passable enough fashion, so as to escape detailed questioning. The poor, broken aircon whined and hissed, a pathetic trail of water dripping out of it sadly and forming a small puddle on the floor.

Byunghun groaned. “Shit,” he said. Then, for added effect and further emphasis, he said the word again ten times more, each with different intonations and tones of voice than the last. It was as if he was trying these variations out on his tongue, to see how each of them sounded to properly convey his mounting despair.

Jonghyun waited for him to finish before making a sympathetic sort of noise. “I know what you mean,” he said. “Manager’ll be pissed if he has to replace the aircon again.”

“Forget about him!” Byunghun grabbed his hair, the reality of the situation already setting in. “What about Chanhee? You know how he gets when there’s no aircon!”

“Oh, so that’s what you’re worried about,” Changhyun said and rolled his eyes. “How are we going to pay for this now?”

“Nobody has to pay for anything,” Niel said. “What if we just fix this thing ourselves?”

“Do you know how?”

“We can search the internet.”

“That’s a stupid idea.”

“No,” Byunghun said, eyes shining again with hope and promise. “No, it’s a great idea. Niel, look for something online. Changhyun, keep your eyes on your phone and see what time they’re going to get home. Jonghyun, you’re with me. Let’s look for some tools and stuff we can use.”

The three members looked at him in stunned silence, surprised that Byunghun would come to life so quickly after such a crisis.

Byunghun looked at them. “What?” he said. “I’m in charge here, right? Get to work!”

They moved.

Thanks to Byunghun’s incredible dissemination of assignments, things had moved fairly quickly and a bright tomorrow without getting yelled at by their oldest members suddenly became possible. By six in the evening, they all felt like they had become vaguely qualified to take in part-time jobs in electronics shops.

“This is neat stuff,” Jonghyun said. “Now I can actually fix things for my mom back home.”

Niel sighed happily. “I’ll have some special talents to fall back on after my idol career.”

Then, as if on cue, the aircon sputtered and let out a terrifying hiss, long and high-pitched, before releasing even more water from its insides.

Jonghyun laughed. “You were saying?”

But the laughter would not last for long.

“Chanhee says they’re five minutes away from here!” Changhyun said in panic. “Are you guys even done yet?”

“Shut up,” Byunghun said. “This is harder than it looks.”

The aircon sputtered again and Niel frowned. “No kidding,” he said. “But they’re going to come home and see this. Why did they leave you in charge again?”

“Why does anyone even have to be in charge?” Changhyun said. “Aren’t we all adults in this dorm?”

“Someone’s got to be in charge, so they’ll have someone to blame,” Niel explained.

“Oh.” Changhyun clapped a supportive hand on Byunghun’s back. “Good luck, then.”

Byunghun snarled. “Shut it,” he said. “Look, I thought of something else, but you guys have to do it well, or else we’re all dead.”

Changhyun opened his mouth to protest, but Niel silenced him by pretending to knock his cellphone out of his hands. Changhyun retaliated by socking Niel on the shoulder. Byunghun slapped both their heads to keep them focused on the task at hand.

The plan was this: Niel and Changhyun were to wait outside the door until Minsoo and Chanhee arrived. Then, they would put their annoying charms to good use by distracting them to the best of their abilities, preventing them from entering the dorm and witnessing the disastrous aftermath of their indoor soccer match.

Meanwhile, Byunghun and Jonghyun would remain inside to do their absolute best to make sure there would be no more disastrous aftermath to speak of.

It was almost six-thirty in the evening when Minsoo and Chanhee had made it back to the building, and immediately, Niel and Changhyun began to pry them away, convincing them of the long-term benefits of a late dinner gathering among friends.

It had mostly worked on Chanhee, who never said no to a round of beef and beer, even if tradition dictated that he would be paying for most of it. Fortunately for them, he was so happy that his day had gone perfectly well – a claim that was proven by his shiny, new cellphone case.

Unfortunately for them, Minsoo had had a particularly tiring and trying day, after spending the entirety of it accompanying his mother and sisters on a shopping trip. After such long periods of walking, where his only payoff were some new accessories he’d found in the mall, Minsoo wanted nothing more than to crash down in his bed and sleep.

He shoved everyone aside, ignored their desperate calls for a change of heart, and barged into the dorms. He slammed the door in their faces, annoyed that they were all still so loud at the end of the day.

Ignoring the horror-stricken looks of the two wannabe mechanics sitting on the floor, Minsoo went straight to his bed and fell into it, face-first and without a care in the world. This was his rightful spot in the universe and nothing was going to take him away from it now – not even what he thought was some broken appliance, and his members’ feeble attempts of trying to put it back together.

“Don’t tell Chanhee,” was what Byunghun’s hurried whisper might have been, but Minsoo was already too far gone in the world of dreams to care.

He thought he heard his inner conscience tell him to “never put Byunghun in charge of anything ever again” – although Minsoo didn’t think it much of a surprise if it was something Byunghun might have added as a desperate afterthought.

Chapter Text

One day, Minsoo falls ill, which isn’t very surprising, but because this is the first time he’s sick to the point of immobility, his members are at a complete loss at what to do.

“I already texted our manager and told him you were sick,” Chanhee says, striding into the room. “You didn’t have any schedules today, did you?”

Minsoo shakes his head, but finds that this makes him dizzier, so he settles for a small groan instead. Luckily, Niel is there to interpret this.

“I don’t think so,” he translates. “Like you do anything anyway except sleep and hang out at the studio.” He snickers when Minsoo frowns up at him.

“Hey.” Chanhee slugs his shoulder lightly. “Be nice. He’s sick, can’t you see?”

“I am concerned, okay,” Niel says and looks down at his friend. “You ate something again, didn’t you? See, this is what I keep telling you. You just eat anything, so look at what happens.”

“Dunno.”

“Helpful.” Niel snorts, but puts a concerned hand on Minsoo’s forehead. “You’re heating up a bit. Plus your stomach hurts. At least you don’t need to go to the bathroom.” He paused. “You don’t, do you?”

In lieu of a proper reply, Minsoo leans over the bed and proceeds to vomit into the empty trash can there instead.

“Gross.” Niel makes a face, but peers into the trash can anyway. “Dude, that was sick.”

Minsoo grins and gives him a thumbs-up.

“Bet Changhyun can throw up better than that.”

“Forget about that,” Chanhee says, putting down his phone. “I just texted the others to see if they could bring home some medicine. I’m going to make some soup. Niel, you stay here and keep an eye on him.”

“You know something?” Niel says suddenly. “He might be pregnant.”

“What?”

“He might be, you know. I’ve read the stuff they put on the internet. It could happen.”

“Could what happen?” Minsoo asks, wanting to make sure he’s heard right.

“You being pregnant.”

“Ugh, Niel.” Chanhee shakes his head.

But Minsoo is beaming widely. “It’ll be really funny if I was, though.”

“What if we tell the others he’s pregnant?” Niel wonders out loud.

“They won’t believe it,” Chanhee replies, adamant.

“They will, if we tell them they’re the father.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

The sound of someone entering their dorm stops Chanhee’s reply in time. Changhyun walks into the living room, his face a picture of concern.

“Is he okay?” he asks, a little out of breath. “Minsoo, are you okay?”

“Well, is he?” Niel asks.

“Is he what?” Chanhee replies.

“Pregnant!”

“Pregnant!” Minsoo repeats, his eyes widening.

“Pregnant!” Changhyun repeats, bringing a hand to his chest.

Changhyun looks at Minsoo.

Chanhee looks at Niel.

Minsoo tries not to look at anyone.

After a beat, it’s Changhyun who breaks the silence.

“Well, are you?”

Minsoo blinks, puts a hand to his stomach, and slaps it gently. Feeling nothing kick back in response, he shakes his head. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Oh.” Changhyun, who had been secretly preparing himself for the possibility of Minsoo’s babies running around the dorms, looks down at his leader’s flat stomach and pouts, disappointed. “Too bad.”

“You do whatever you want to do,” Chanhee says, going to the kitchen. “I’m going to make him some soup. You two wait for the others.”

Niel turns to Changhyun, incredulous. “You didn’t actually believe that, did you?”

“Of course not!” he replies, face reddening. “He’s a guy, isn’t he? He can’t get pregnant!”

“Yeah, sure.”

On the bed, Minsoo is laughing, but this is immediately cut short by his stomach cramping up again. Niel sighs. “Wait there,” he tells the others, before going into his room to fetch more pillows for Minsoo.

Changhyun walks over to the side of the bed and peers into the trash can there. “Oh, gross!” he exclaims, but gives Minsoo an approving thumbs-up all the same.

The minute he gets home, Byunghun is immediately besieged by Niel and Changhyun, who are excitedly crowding him up against the door, both of them talking over each other in an attempt to tell him the joyous news faster.

“Welcome home!”

“Hey, Byunghun, guess what!”

He blinks at them, unable to get a word in.

“Minsoo’s pregnant!”

“And you’re the father!”

Byunghun falls to the ground.

When Byunghun comes to, he hears a smattering of voices talking above him. He’s almost afraid to open his eyes, as if doing so will confirm the horrible news he’s heard earlier.

“You two,” Chanhee says in that half-exasperated, half-amused tone of voice he usually uses when talking to the others.

Byunghun slowly opens his eyes, trusting that, as long as Chanhee was still able to reprimand the others, then this world was still a sensible one, which made it perfectly safe for him to come back to it. “Whu?” he says.

“Ah, you’re up.” Chanhee’s face is peering down at him. “Did you get the medicines?”

Byunghun sits up and wipes the spots from his eyes. “Yeah,” he says and reaches into his pocket to get the pills. After handing them off to Chanhee, he turns to his side and sees Minsoo on the other bed. “How are you?”

“Not pregnant.”

That sends Niel and Changhyun into a laughing fit.

Byunghun glares at them. “You two are so dead.”

“He fell for it, he fell for it!”

“Right on the floor too!”

They laugh again.

Byunghun stretches a leg and kicks Niel from behind, sending him to the floor. Minsoo guffaws at this.

“Aw, you’re just sore you fainted!” Niel whines, rubbing his behind.

The door opens again and their last member walks into the room.

“Jonghyun!” Changhyun greets, bounding over to greet his friend. “Guess what, guess what! Minsoo’s pregnant and you’re the father!”

There’s a passing moment of confusion on his face at first, but before Byunghun could call out a warning, Jonghyun breaks out into a wide smile.

“What?” he says and rushes towards Minsoo. “Is it true? Is it true? Is it a boy or a girl?”

“Hey, Choi Jonghyun!” Chanhee yells from the kitchen. “Stop bothering your leader! And someone help me out here, the soup’s almost done.”

“Don’t worry, baby,” Jonghyun croons before standing up to help. “Daddy Jonghyun will take care of you.”

“Idiot, who’s pregnant?” Minsoo laughs at him and shoves him away.

Later at dinner, Minsoo is able to drink some of Chanhee’s soup without throwing up. As a sign of solidarity, the rest of the team is also having soup with him in the living room.

“This soup is burnt,” Changhyun complains. He sees the looks on everyone else’s faces and realizes that it’s just him. “Not fair,” he groans.

“So,” Niel starts. “Have you thought of a name yet?”

“Ugh,” Chanhee groans. “He isn’t pregnant, Niel. Nobody in this house is pregnant.”

“Yeah,” Byunghun agrees. “We’re all guys, aren’t we?”

Minsoo and Jonghyun, who are both sitting on the bed, exchange a look.

“Not yet,” Jonghyun says, after a while.

“We can think about it later,” Minsoo says and shrugs.

Against his better judgement, Chanhee decides that if these two were going to be future parents, then this way of thinking would simply not be allowed from now on. “Take this more seriously, would you? Names are important.”

“Yeah,” Niel adds. “Look at me.”

Minsoo makes a face. “We’re not naming it Daniel. It’s going to be a boy, not a fish.”

Niel lets the comment slide. “Well, in case you get another kid, then I’ll have you know that the name’s still available.”

“Shut up, this isn’t happening again.”

Jonghyun feigns hurt. “What are you talking about?” he moans. “Don’t you want to be with me anymore? Honey? Baby? Honey baby?”

“Will you get off from there already,” Chanhee pulls him off the bed. “Can’t you see he needs his rest? How can he get that if you won’t stop bugging him?”

Changhyun, despite his earlier complaints, manages to finish his soup anyway. Once he’s licked his bowl clean, he glances over at Chanhee yanking Jonghyun off the bed and starts connecting a few dots. “Hey.” He nudges Byunghun. “You think Chanhee’s the father? Look at how he won’t let Minsoo alone.”

Byunghun looks at them before raising an eyebrow at his friend. “That’s stupid.”

“You don’t need to get jealous.” Changhyun pouts. “So Chanhee can’t be the father ‘cause you said so. Niel! I think you’re the father.”

Niel nods with a self-satisfactory air and glares at Minsoo. “Why else do you think I’ve been trying to get him to name the kid after me?”

“I’m not naming it after anybody!”

“You’re not naming it after me?” Jonghyun stands up, prepared to take action against this slight in character. “But I thought you said I was your favorite!”

Byunghun catches the panicked look in Minsoo’s eyes and yanks Jonghyun’s shirt. “Settle down, kid,” he says. “Nobody’s saying you aren’t the favorite.”

“But you said!” Jonghyun pouts and points an accusatory finger at Minsoo.

“I didn’t!” he replies, looking as defensive as a sick man could get. “I’m not naming it after any one of you.”

Chanhee, despite himself, whirls on him, offended. “Why not?”

“Because I hate all of you.”

“Oh my god.” Changhyun puts a hand to his mouth and gasps. “He really is sick.”

“Hey, Changhyun,” Niel says. “What if you’re the father?”

He takes this as his moment to set an example for his older members. “Then I would take care of the baby,” he answers, puffing his chest out proudly. “That’s what a real man does, right? I wouldn’t run away from my responsibilities.”

Minsoo grumbles from the bed. “How about taking care of me first?”

“You mean he’s the father?” Jonghyun asks, still unable to let this go. “What is this? I can’t believe you! I feel betrayed.”

“Now, come on,” Byunghun says.

“You’re hurting me with your lies.” Jonghyun turns away from the bed dramatically. “I can’t even look at you anymore.”

Minsoo huffs from the bed. “Fine, so don’t look.”

Jonghyun looks back at him and frowns. “You’re not doing this right. This isn’t what’s supposed to happen.”

Even if he’s still feeling slightly dizzy from the pain in his stomach, Minsoo is still able to find the strength to lean down and swat Jonghyun’s head. “This isn’t one of Byunghun’s dramas, you moron.”

“Hey!”

“You know what,” Niel pipes up from the floor. “I think it really is for the better that Minsoo isn’t actually going to give birth to anybody. Think how the babies will look like.” He shudders.

“Hey, Niel.”

“What?”

“When I get better, you’re really going to get it.”

“You two stop that right now.” While their arguments – any argument, if Chanhee were asked – were usually amusing, he could feel a mild headache coming on and was quickly finding himself in no mood to deal with his members for the night. “Nobody’s pregnant, okay? I saw Minsoo last night, so I know.”

Changhyun gasps loudly and quite dramatically, while Niel runs over to Jonghyun, who has already begun to look upset.

“What are you saying!” Niel yells at Chanhee. “Look at what you’ve done! Now Jonghyun will never be able to dance again. Think of the pain this drama will cause him.”

Chanhee sighs, blaming Minsoo’s sickness for his woes. “What drama?” he asks. “Byunghun, help me out here.”

“Listen to Chanhee, all of you. He’s the only one in this room who’s making sense.”

“What about me?” Minsoo whines from the bed.

“Not you.” Byunghun looks at him. “Pregnant men don’t get to talk.”

Chanhee shoves Byunghun away and points a finger at Niel before he could get a word out. “All of you, shut up. The only way Minsoo could get so sick is if he ate something weird.”

“I knew it!” Changhyun yells, raising his arms. “It was the soup! Just so you know, I blame the soup.”

Chanhee hits his shoulder. “Shut up,” he tells him. “The only thing he could have eaten before now was something from last night. And I saw him drinking his milk again, so it has to be that.”

Everyone looks at Minsoo.

Then, they look back at Chanhee.

“But he drinks his milk everyday,” Niel says. “It’s his ritual.”

“No, but remember the last time Byunghun drank it by accident?” Chanhee replies. “It was expired, so he got sick the next day. It might have happened again.”

Everyone looks at Minsoo again.

“You’re stupid,” Niel tells him.

Minsoo throws a pillow at him.

“He’s right,” Chanhee says, raising a finger. “Seriously, do you not check the dates and just drink anything in the fridge?”

Minsoo hesitates. “Maybe.” He catches the disappointed look in his members’ faces and he is immediately embarrassed. “Look, I was just so tired from yesterday, okay? It’s not my fault I didn’t see it was expired.”

Changhyun shakes his head. “And you call yourself our leader?” He sighs. “What were you tired from anyway? You hardly did anything at the photoshoot yesterday!”

“Hey, looking this good takes a lot of work. Of course ugly people wouldn’t know.”

Jonghyun sniffles loudly. “I thought for sure I was going to be a father. Baby, how could you lie to me like this? I was going to make the best father.”

“Whatever, I never said I was pregnant,” Minsoo says. “And isn’t this Changhyun’s fault? He didn’t clean the fridge like he was supposed to.”

“Hey, don’t blame this on me!”

“Can we give this a rest now, please?” Byunghun says. “All this talk of pregnancy is giving me a headache.”

“Hey, maybe Byunghun’s pregnant,” Niel stage-whispers to Chanhee.

Chanhee shoves his face away. “Nobody is getting pregnant in this house,” he says, firmly. “I don’t think we can stand mini versions of each other anyway. Think about it.”

“I can,” Minsoo says. “At least, I can stand mini versions of myself. I like myself.”

“Of course, because nobody else’ll appreciate you otherwise.”

Minsoo pouts at Niel. “You have shitty bedside manners.”

“I think you would have been an okay father,” Jonghyun confesses as soon as the laughter’s died down.

“Really? That’s great. I’d make you teach him all the choreography so he can sub in for me when I’m tired.”

“Never mind, I take it back.” Jonghyun frowns. “You would have been a terrible father.”

“What? My plan’s foolproof.”

“Your plan involves child slavery,” Changhyun says. “Seriously, why are you our leader again?”

“What great friends you all are,” Minsoo whines. “Kicking your sick leader when he’s down. What did I ever do to deserve this?”

“You count me out of this,” Byunghun says, quick to defend himself. “I’ve been nothing but nice to you since this whole thing started.”

Everyone – including Minsoo – jeers at him loudly. Byunghun crosses his arms and frowns at them. “Well, it’s true.”

“That’s enough now,” Chanhee says. “Everyone, out. Let your sick leader rest. Changhyun, Niel, you take the dishes.”

They do as they are told, dragging Jonghyun with them to the kitchen.

“Hey, ban him from the milk already, will you?” Niel yells before leaving the room. Minsoo yells something back at him, but they are both laughing at each other so loudly, that the insult is lost in the noise.

Byunghun stands up, walks over to the bed, and looks down at him. “Well, you look fine enough. You’ll be okay for tomorrow?”

“Yeah, yeah. But if I’m still sick, you’ll have to carry my sick ass for whatever we have.”

He laughs. “You’re too heavy.”

“About time you pulled your weight on this team.”

“Shut up.”

Chanhee grins at them. “Hey, if there’s anyone who needs to pull weight around here, it’s definitely you.” He points a finger at Minsoo. “You lazy ass.”

“Aw, you two are no fun.”

“Being sick hardly is.”

“When I get better tomorrow, all of you are going to get it. So rude to your leader, all of you. I’ll resign.”

Byunghun laughs again. “As if. You like it here too much.”

“Yeah,” Chanhee adds. “And who else will put up with you? Face it, you’re stuck here with us, like it or not.”

“Yeah, lucky me.” Minsoo pouts. “Stuck with you useless people and Chanhee’s stupid soup. Changhyun’s right, you did burn it a little.”

Byunghun laughs at the look on Chanhee’s face.

“Hey, Minsoo.”

“What?” he replies, still smirking a little at Chanhee.

“Are you feeling better yet?”

“No. Why?”

“Just checking to see if I can hit you already.”

Chapter Text

It’s only Chanhee who realizes the gravity of their leader’s actions at first. He waits until the interview’s finished, waits until they’ve all piled into their van to go home, and waits until he’s shared a few words with Byunghun before giving Minsoo an earful.

Because Minsoo still thinks everything’s still somehow a joke, he deflects Chanhee’s scolding with a grin and some hurried reassurances. But when their manager gets a call and tells them that they have to leave again to have a word with some company higher-ups, that’s when the others know it’s fairly serious. When their van pulls into the company parking lot, Niel catches the solemn look on Minsoo’s face. The expression doesn’t change even as they all enter the meeting room and are lectured at length about what went wrong.

Minsoo’s frown only gets deeper when the company representative tells them that they can leave and go home, except for Minsoo, who’s expected to stay for a while longer. Minsoo doesn’t react to this, and Niel realizes now that he’s known all along that this wasn’t a joke, and that he’d probably already anticipated the trouble waiting for him as soon as Chanhee exploded on him back at the van.

Niel wants to tell him something, but they’re all filing out the door as they go, and because the representative is still looking at Minsoo with a severe expression, he is only able to put a hand on his leader’s shoulder before he leaves. It’s acknowledged with a small nod, but it doesn’t do anything to reassure Niel, whose worry intensifies when Minsoo takes his shades off and rubs his face, bracing himself for what’s to come.

Outside, the members are quiet, torn between wanting to wait for Minsoo and going home to escape the awkward atmosphere. The conflict is most visible with Changhyun, who looks up at Niel and Jonghyun, trying to find some comfort there.

“It’s serious now, huh?” he asks them fretfully.

Chanhee scoffs. “It’s always been serious. That idiot just doesn’t want to acknowledge it.”

Niel shakes his head. “He knows,” he tells him. “He already knew when we told him about it.”

“Not that it matters,” Byunghun says and looks towards the closed door. “He’s in for it now.”

Changhyun looks at all of them. “They’re not going to replace him, are they?”

“Probably not,” Jonghyun replies, quick to reassure him. “It’ll be too much work if they do.”

“So, the military, then?” Changhyun asks. “What if they take him out and make us a five-member team from now on?”

“Not going to happen.” Jonghyun shakes his head. “We work so well as six members.”

“Right,” Niel agrees. “They’re probably just going to give him a scolding, then make him apologize to the fans after.”

Byunghun frowns. “I don’t think this is something he can just say sorry for. What he said… it was really bad.”

“But he meant it as a joke, didn’t he?” Changhyun says. “I mean, it was bad, of course, but he still meant it as a joke.”

Chanhee shakes his head. “You should never joke about things like that,” he says seriously. “I don’t know why he would think it was funny.”

“He laughs at things we don’t find funny,” Niel insists. “He does it all the time.”

Chanhee gives him a look. “That’s not an excuse.” He crosses his arms. “We could be the only ones who know that. They obviously don’t think it was funny.”

“Well, it’s no use talking about it now unless something finally happens,” Byunghun says. “We should wait for him back at the dorms. He’s not going to be in a good mood when he comes out of that room.”

Jonghyun glances at the door. “I think they’ll be here all day,” he guesses. “He’s right, we should leave.” He pats a hand on Changhyun’s shoulder and guides him out.

“Niel.”

He tears his gaze away from the door and looks at Chanhee.

“This is really serious.”

He nods. “I know that.”

“He’s our friend,” Chanhee continues. “But he should know that what he said was wrong.”

He nods again. “I know.” He sighs. “I think he knows that too.”

“I hope so.” Chanhee nods.

“Chanhee?” Niel asks, hesitantly. Chanhee looks at him, waiting. “What if they get rid of him?”

“We don’t know that yet.”

“But what if?”

Chanhee sniffs indifferently, then looks out the window. “We’ll figure that out later.” He turns to leave. “We should go.”

Niel casts one last look at the closed door and tries to pretend that he isn’t imagining the strained yelling he can hear from inside. He imagines Minsoo’s bowed head inside, imagines how badly he’s taking this, imagines how much more quiet he’s going to be from now on after finally opening up to the rest of them.

Then, he tries to imagine performing on stage without Minsoo, grimaces and squashes the thought, ashamed of himself. He sprints down the hallway after his bandmates and tries to imagine something positive instead, like maybe, if he ran faster, then the faster this terrible day would end.

“Things’ll get better, right?” Changhyun asks him back at the dorms. “They don’t sound very concerned.”

“They’re concerned,” Niel replies. “Besides, things can’t get any worse than this.”

“What if they make him leave?”

“We won’t let them.”

On the television, the station they’re on is replaying their interview, and neither of them feel the need to say anything, even as that telling moment comes on again. Changhyun winces and lowers the volume. “That looked bad,” he says.

Behind them, Byunghun makes a small noise of agreement. They hadn’t even realized he’d been watching the replay with them this whole time.

“It is bad,” Byunghun says.

“Do you think it’s going to get worse?” Changhyun asks, turning to him. “Everything’s so bad now. I don’t know if things’ll be good again after this.”

He shakes his head. “Who can say?” he answers and pauses at the pout Changhyun gives him. “I mean, I hope it doesn’t get worse, but this doesn’t look like it’ll blow over soon.”

“You’re all too negative,” Niel pipes up. “This is our Minsoo, isn’t he? We know how he is. We know how warped his sense of humor is.”

“That’s right,” Changhyun agrees. “You know how he’s the only one who laughs at things sometimes? And how we’re all scared to join him when he does?”

But Byunghun is still looking pensive. “I don’t think that’s going to work this time.” He sighs. “That was really bad, you know? It’s fine when he hits you guys.” Changhyun makes an indignant snort from the couch. “But what he said there… It’s different.”

He is about to say something else, but the door opens and Minsoo trudges in, head bowed and face set in a deep scowl. This is usual, normal behavior for him, but after today, nobody in the room is sure what to do.

Changhyun switches to the sports channel and turns up the volume. Niel is nudging him and silently mouthing at him to do something. Byunghun is staring at Minsoo putter around in the kitchen, looking for a glass of water.

It’s noisy in the kitchen, where Minsoo is making his movements as slow and as loud as possible, if only to break the awkward silence. He steps into the living room and sweeps a tired look over everybody.

“No need to be like that when I’m around, you know.” He grunts. “I already know you’re all mad at me anyway.”

“We’re not all mad,” Niel says immediately, then looks up at Byunghun. He’s still staring at Minsoo. Niel amends his statement. “I’m not, I mean. Mad. I’m not mad.”

“Me neither.” Changhyun nods his head.

Minsoo grunts again, but doesn’t look totally convinced. Niel looks up at Byunghun, waiting to see if he had something to say.

“How was it?” he asks, when Byunghun maintains his silence. “How did the meeting go?”

Minsoo blinks at him, both surprised and suspicious that he wanted to know. “It was okay,” he answers anyway. “They were mad, of course. I’m apologizing to everyone tomorrow.”

Niel nods. “That’s good, right?” he says. “Nothing’s going to happen?”

“Who knows?” He shrugs.

“If it helps,” Changhyun says, his voice small, like he’s afraid of joining the conversation. “You’re the only one who can be leader here.”

Minsoo grunts again.

“Look, we already tried, okay?” Changhyun says again, a little desperate now. “Chanhee and Byunghun tried, but they got mad when we wouldn’t listen to them. It was weird.” He frowns when this gets no reaction out of either Minsoo or Byunghun. “There’s no one else! You’re the only leader we’ll follow on this team.”

“If they’re going to replace me, then it’s no problem.”

“They’re not!” Niel says, suddenly afraid. “They’re not going to replace you, okay? We won’t let them.”

It’s difficult to gauge Minsoo’s reaction from his spot on the couch, but Niel hopes that his sincerity gets across.

“It’d be nice if everyone else felt that way.” Minsoo meets Byunghun’s impassive gaze, issuing a silent challenge. Byunghun doesn’t bite.

“They do!” Changhyun says forcefully. “They really do feel the same!” He stutters, catching the sour look on Minsoo’s face. “Well, I know Jonghyunnie feels the same. I haven’t asked the others yet.”

“Don’t bother,” Minsoo says harshly, glaring now at Byunghun. His eyes momentarily flick to his two other juniors on the couch and he falters at their crushed expressions. He tries to manage a small smile for them, but it comes out looking like a grimace. “Look, I appreciate it, okay?” He softens his tone. “I’m thankful you guys are at least okay with this.”

Niel nods at him and Minsoo accepts this. “If you’re all done with me, I’m turning in,” he tells them before starting off for his room. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“That’s it?” Byunghun scoffs at him. “You’re done?”

Minsoo stops in his tracks and fixes Byunghun with an angry stare. “What do you want?” he says. “I’ve had a long day. You can get mad at me tomorrow.”

But Byunghun isn’t backing down. “That’s all you have to say to us?” he says. “After shooting your mouth off like that on live TV, that’s all you want to say to us?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Minsoo scowls. “So sorry for letting you down again.”

“Don’t bother, Byunghun.”

It’s Chanhee. Everyone looks up at him, surprised. Only Minsoo looks displeased to see him.

Behind him, Jonghyun stares out at all of them, looking both bewildered and nervous. Changhyun beckons him over to the couch and he shoots everyone an apologetic glance before scrambling to sit with him there.

“Do you even care about this at all?” Chanhee demands. Minsoo stares back at him defiantly, not budging an inch. “Because if you don’t, then maybe you should tell us so we can all stop wasting our time.”

Niel considers stepping in, but remains rooted to the couch instead, suddenly afraid to approach his three standing seniors. Chanhee’s anger is an unbelievable sight, but Minsoo’s stoicism in the face of it is incredible. Niel wants to see where this will go.

“I’m not the only one who thinks this way either,” Chanhee says, unrelenting. “Byunghun does too and –”

Minsoo barks out a laugh. “No surprise there.” He sneers at them. “You two are always together on everything, huh?”

Byunghun bristles. “You –”

“Is everything a joke to you? Is this a joke?” Chanhee fires back before Byunghun can complete the insult. “You ruin everything for us and you still act like this.” He turns to the three members seated on the couch. “Hey, kids, here’s a great lesson for you,” he says, pointing an accusing finger at Minsoo. “Here’s an example not to follow so you don’t jeopardize your careers.”

“What?” Minsoo glowers. “You want me to apologize, is that it? I’ve been doing nothing but apologize the whole day. A few more isn’t going to matter.”

“You could at least show us you care instead of acting like nothing happened!”

“Hey,” Niel says suddenly, glaring at Chanhee. “I don’t think –”

But Byunghun silences him with a look, then glares back at Minsoo. “You don’t want this, is that it?” he accuses. “You think we’re wasting our time here?”

“Hey!” This time, it’s Changhyun who objects, already tired of the arguing. “This is too much! He wants this just as bad as we all do, okay? It was just a stupid mistake, he isn’t doing this again. Right?” He directs this one to Minsoo, eyes wide and pleading.

“You, sit down,” Byunghun says with a snarl. “He’s the oldest guy in this room, isn’t he? He can speak for himself.”

“Leave him out of this,” Minsoo says, gritting his teeth. “If you two want to be mad, fine, be mad at me. No need to involve anyone else.”

Chanhee frowns and faces his younger members again, completely ignoring Minsoo. “And if all of us flop after this?” He asks them. “If nobody listens to our songs anymore because of this? Will you still forgive him then?”

Jonghyun shifts nervously and lowers his head, afraid to look at anyone. Changhyun makes a strangled noise in his throat, but looks away also, unable to answer the question.

Chanhee looks expectantly at the last member on the couch. “Niel,” he says.

Niel gives Minsoo a frantic look instead. “He’s not doing this anymore,” he says. “I’ll make sure he won’t. Okay?” He looks back at Chanhee. “Okay? Are we okay now? Can we move on and let this go?”

Byunghun snorts, but remains quiet otherwise. Chanhee shakes his head, making his disappointment clear.

“You’re too much, the two of you.” Niel leaps to his feet, unable to believe their impassive expressions. “This is really too much.” He looks at Changhyun and Jonghyun on the couch. “Isn’t he our friend? How can you all act like this?”

“I’m saying this because he is my friend!” Chanhee yells back. “He comes in here, looking like he doesn’t care about any of this, or any of us. Do you know how that makes me feel?” He whirls back to Minsoo and shoots him an accusatory look. “Do you know how that makes the rest of us feel?”

He must look like he’s about to cry, because the anger has gone out of Minsoo’s eyes and he looks down at the floor instead, looking more defeated than defiant. Even Byunghun’s anger seems to have died out also, as he uncrosses his arms and completely focuses on Chanhee.

“I know you care about this too,” Chanhee says in a half-whisper, his voice coming out smaller than Changhyun’s earlier. “But you could at least show it, you know?” His breath hitches. “You’re supposed to be our leader. We’re supposed to look up to you. And then, this happens and you don’t look like you care at all.”

Niel falls back on the couch beside the other two and keeps his lengthy reply in his head. He looks on at the tense scene in front of him, still unsure of what to do.

He knows Minsoo cares about this and knows he is sorry, but he has trouble expressing himself sometimes, and it feels like nobody else knows this besides Niel. He knows he is also frustrated and disappointed with Minsoo’s attitude, but he doesn’t know how to express this out loud to his older friend.

Minsoo deserves to be told off, Niel knows this, but he’s heard enough lectures for today and could probably stand to hear words of support from his friends. They weren’t being fair about this, Niel thinks, ganging up on him and assuming he didn’t care at all when he really did.

He looks up at a shuffling noise and is as shocked as everyone else when Minsoo slowly goes down on his knees and bows so low that his forehead touches the carpet.

“I’m sorry.”

He’s shaking so much, that it almost looks like he’s crying, but when his voice comes out again, it’s firm, solid, deep, and doesn’t tremble once. “I’m sorry.”

“You –” Byunghun starts, but cuts himself off when he realizes he has nothing to say.

“I’m sorry. Chanhee, I’m sorry.”

Chanhee’s lips quiver slightly, his eyes immediately beginning to water. He puts a fist to his mouth and coughs into it loudly. He rubs his eyes, trying to cover up how shaky his cough had sounded.

“Byunghun, I’m sorry.”

Byunghun is still staring at him, his mouth agape. He wipes a shaking hand on his face and sucks in a sharp breath.

“Niel, I’m sorry.”

Niel coughs to cover a sob that was threatening to come out and clenches his fists so tightly, that his knuckles are beginning to turn white. He takes in the sight of their leader bowing on his knees, completely humbled, and looks away, throwing his gaze to the floor instead of him.

“Changhyun, I’m sorry.”

Changhyun hurriedly wipes the stray tears falling from his eyes and sniffles loudly. He shakes his head, silently telling him that this isn’t needed, but Minsoo doesn’t look up from his position.

“Jonghyun, I’m sorry.”

Jonghyun has the same frozen expression of horror as Byunghun, but keeps his gaze locked on Minsoo, waiting to see what he would do next.

“Everyone, I’m sorry,” he continues, keeping his head glued to the floor. “This won’t happen again. I promise it won’t.”

“We know already!” Chanhee doesn’t bother to hide the sob that bursts out anymore and allows the tears to flow freely from his eyes now. “It’s okay now. Minsoo, please.” He gets down on his knees, facing him. “Please get your head off the floor. It’s not a good look for Teen Top’s leader.”

Minsoo starts shaking again, but this time, it’s because he can’t stop himself from laughing. He lifts his head from the floor, but doesn’t make any move to get up from his knees. He scrubs his eyes with his arm. “Teen Top’s leader,” he says, as if hearing this for the first time. “That’s me.” He looks around the room, finds everyone sporting similar distressed expressions, and chuckles, finding the sight strangely funny.

“I’m the leader.” He shakes his head at Chanhee. Lets out a shaky sigh and sniffs. “And I messed it all up.”

He looks at all of them again. Nobody dares say anything.

“Me. My fault,” he continues in a daze. “I really shouldn’t have said that. What was I thinking, huh? If they replace me –”

But his lecture is cut short, as Changhyun bolts from the couch and launches himself at Minsoo. His vicious hug sends them both tumbling to the floor, Minsoo on his back and Changhyun’s arms wrapped tightly around him. Before Minsoo could push him off, Niel, then Jonghyun, Byunghun, and finally, Chanhee rush towards them, burying them in a dogpile.

“Hey,” Niel says, giving Minsoo a relieved grin once he catches his gaze. “You’re our leader, right? Leaders shouldn’t be on their knees and crying. Right, Bang Minsoo?”

He bursts out laughing. “Idiot,” he huffs from the floor. “Who said I was crying?”

“Our leader doesn’t cry,” Changhyun says. “He never cries. Right?”

“Right,” Jonghyun agrees. “It’s not you. It’s not normal.”

Minsoo chuckles, sending warm vibrations into everyone piled on top of him. “So I take it I’m forgiven, then?”

“Idiot.” Chanhee sniffs from the top. “Who said we wouldn’t?”

“Just don’t say stuff like that again and we’re good,” Byunghun says. “Okay?”

Minsoo reaches out a hand and rests it on Byunghun’s head. “Deal,” he says. “And that goes for all of you too. If you think I’m being stupid on-air or anywhere else, you’re free to tell me off.”

“Even me?” Jonghyun asks, before he can stop himself.

“Especially you,” Minsoo answers. “We’re all friends, right? I don’t want my friends to be scared of me.”

“You don’t scare me,” Changhyun declares. Everyone laughs at this.

Minsoo swats his head fondly. “Thanks.” He gives them all a small grin. “All of you, thanks.”

“You’re my friend,” Chanhee says. “And you’re older than I am. I’m sorry for yelling.”

Minsoo shakes his head. “Nothing to be sorry for,” he says. “I’m the only one in this room who has to apologize for today. Don’t worry about it.” He blinks at them, then moves to shove them off. “Now all of you, get off. I can’t breathe down here.”

“It’s going to be hard, starting today,” Byunghun tells them at breakfast the next morning. “For all of us. I checked some websites and everyone’s pretty angry. They’re not going to let this die down.”

Minsoo frowns. “They’re probably going to keep bringing this up every time we show up outside. Wouldn’t be surprised if they bring this up at our next comeback either.” He pauses, considering this. “If they’re going to let us even have a comeback.”

Everyone looks down at their food, not sure how to answer.

“Enough of that now,” Chanhee says. “Didn’t we already talk about this last night?”

“I’m sorry.” Minsoo ducks his head. “Everyone, I’m sorry. I don’t think this is going away soon.”

Chanhee nudges his forehead back up with a finger. “Hey, do we need to give you a group hug again?”

Minsoo laughs.

“What did they tell you yesterday?” Changhyun asks. “Are you going to be okay?”

“Well, first, I’m going to write everyone an apology and post it online,” Minsoo says. “Then, I’m going to drop by the office again later. I’m not sure what they’re going to do next, but they told me they were giving me another chance.” He smiles at everyone’s lightened and hopeful expressions. “So I guess you’re all still stuck with me after all.”

Niel swats his arm. “We’re going to put up with you for as long as it takes,” he says. “And we’re not leaving you behind either. We all talked about it before you woke up.” He nods at everyone at the table. “We’re going with you to the office later.”

Minsoo snorts, but nods gratefully at him.

“We’re a team,” Jonghyun says. “You’re our leader. We still trust you, no matter what anyone else says.”

“You’ve been outvoted, Leader Bang,” Chanhee says. “You have no choice in the matter now. You’ll have to let us go with you.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know that already.” Minsoo growls, but is unable to hide his wide smile. “Too much work to find another group anyway,” he adds as an afterthought, then laughs as he dodges Chanhee’s hands.

“Well,” Minsoo mutters, running a hand over his shaved head. “I guess it doesn’t look that bad.” He turns his head sideways to get a better look at it through the mirror. “It could be worse. Kind of suits me too, I think.”

“Makes you look tougher,” Niel agrees, playing with his own hairdo, although he eventually gets distracted by the bright yellow mohawk sitting in the center of Minsoo’s head. He stifles a laugh.

Beside him, Changhyun grins and coughs into his hand, trying to disguise the laugh that was about to spill out. “It’s cool, like mine,” he says. “We look like real men now.”

Jonghyun squints at the mirror, hesitant fingers rearranging some stray hair strands. When he runs out of hair strands to adjust, he nods at himself, satisfied. “At least my dye job isn’t so bad.” He turns to look at the others. “You should see Byunghun, though. I wonder who he had to offend to get such a weird hairstyle.”

“I heard that!” Byunghun snarls, waving a fist.

“What are you talking about?” Chanhee says, entering the dressing room. “It’s a terrible hairstyle. Call it out for what it is.” He laughs mercilessly at the mournful expression on Minsoo’s face.

“I know,” he whines, pouting at the mirror. “I look stupid.”

Chanhee snorts. “As if you weren’t stupid enough already.”

Minsoo decides to take the high road by ignoring this comment, but he is still unable to tear his gaze away from the mirror. “Looks like they still aren’t over what happened, huh?” he says quietly. “Guess I’m going to be paying for it until we’re done.”

All chatter of their new hairstyles come to a sudden halt and everyone exchanges awkward looks with each other, waiting for someone to make the first move. Minsoo rolls his eyes at them through the mirror. He knows that it’s become a taboo topic for them, and that everyone had done a good job of burying that traumatic interview, but that didn’t mean they all had to tiptoe around it every time someone brought it up.

He squares his shoulders and gives his reflection one last defiant look, before turning to his members. He crosses his arms, hoping to look authoritative enough to get their attention.

“Who cares about that now?” he says. “I’ll live.”

“You’re the one who brought it up,” Niel blurts out.

“Shut up.” Minsoo grins at him. “I’m still the leader, right? If I can’t move on from this issue, then nobody will.” He runs a hand over his mohawk again, as if trying convince himself of this, but frowns, feeling the obvious lack of hair.

“Maybe if I had a hat, it’ll be cool too,” he mutters to himself. “My mom doesn’t need to see this.”

Chanhee snorts loudly and nudges Byunghun. He stands up from his chair, reaches for something behind Jonghyun, then smacks his head for that earlier crack about his hairstyle. He smirks at Minsoo and gives him a small nod before tossing a hat towards his face. "To you," Byunghun says, giving Minsoo a wink, but the impact of his joke is lost in the midst of loud booing from his members.

Chapter Text

One day, the youngest members decide to forego shaving, just to see how they would look after, and by the end of their week and a half-long experiment, it’s decided that Niel’s the most hideous-looking of the bunch.

“Don’t look at me,” Changhyun says, running a hand under his chin and hoping they were looking at him. “This was your idea.” He rubs his chin again, relishing the sharp little stubble there that almost makes him feel like a true man. He’s hoping really hard the others are looking at him as he does this.

“I guess even facial hair can’t completely hide these lips.” Niel slaps Changhyun, who’s begun to laugh out loud at the accuracy of this statement. “Shut up. Stop laughing.”

Jonghyun points an accusing finger at Changhyun. “You haven’t stopped touching your chin all week,” he says. “You don’t look manly at all. You look like a kid with a beard.”

“A little beard,” Niel corrects.

But Changhyun can’t hear them over the sound of his fingers scrubbing across his newfound manliness.

“You don’t look as cool as I thought with that beard,” Niel continues when it doesn’t look like Changhyun’s lost his temper yet. “Somehow, I thought you’d have looked better.”

But Changhyun only stares at him, grinning and trying to scrub his chin harder.

As this isn’t the reaction Niel is looking for, he turns to Jonghyun to try and pick on him instead. “You think you’re any better?” he says. “Have you seen a mirror? You don’t look as good as I thought either.”

Jonghyun pouts and deflates, hurt that Niel would say such a thing to him immediately after their formed alliance against Changhyun. “At least I don’t look like you,” is what he says in retaliation.

“Shut up, you wish you could look like me.”

“I’d rather die.”

They continue to trade insults for a while, and before long, even Changhyun starts to join in, as he’d gotten bored with being left out.

“Fish aren’t meant to have beards,” is Changhyun’s contribution to the argument, and it’s said with no small amount of smugness. He is, after all, the only one who still almost looks like himself. He turns to Jonghyun. “And you,” he says, “you look so old. Are you trying to look like Minsoo?”

This sparks an idea in Jonghyun’s head. “That’s right,” he says, no longer bothering to defend himself. “Where is that guy anyway? I think he’s disappeared for so long, he’ll have a beard a mile long by the time he gets back.”

But Niel is shaking his head. “Not him,” he tells them. “Not that guy. He can’t do many things right, and one of them is growing a proper beard.”

“Right,” Changhyun says. “Because you’re so great at growing a beard, huh, Mister Fish Lips?”

Niel rolls his eyes. “Shut up, you manchild freak,” he returns, but there is little heat to his words. 

“Hey,” he says after a while. Then, he shakes his head, after he sees the other two members trying to rub each other’s chins while making a game of it. “What the hell are you guys doing?”

Neither of them makes much of an effort to stop their game.

“None of your business.”

“Why do you want to know?”

Niel considers their answers for a moment. “Hey, let me in,” he finally says, and this is all the permission he asks for before joining the game too. It appears that this was the right thing to say, because both Changhyun and Jonghyun allow him to join their game without much complaint.

This is how Chanhee walks in on them, then – all three of them reaching out for each others’ jaws and making long, muttering noises when they finally make contact with each other. Oddly – or unsurprisingly – Chanhee finds that he doesn’t particularly care what the three are up to this time.

“All of you are gross,” he informs them as simply as if he were greeting them a good morning.

“Shut up, no beard, no opinion,” Changhyun says.

Chanhee snorts at this, only mildly offended. “That’s what this is about?” he asks. “Facial hair? You three honestly have nothing better to do with your time?”

“Well, what else do you want us to do?” Niel says. “We’ve finished all our video games and the rest of the month’s still free. What else were you expecting?”

Chanhee wonders if this weird little game of theirs could really be considered as some totally-normal event. It must be, he thinks, especially since none of them have dropped their hands since he’d entered the dorms five minutes ago.

“Don’t you have any friends? Outside this dorm, I mean,” Chanhee asks, out of pure, legitimate concern.

“We’re friends,” Jonghyun answers.

Chanhee watches Jonghyun try and reach out for Niel’s lips (totally normal), while at the same time, Niel is trying to poke Changhyun’s jaw (kind of normal). And then, there was Changhyun, who’d successfully landed a hand on Jonghyun’s ass (... still within the same reality as normal, Chanhee decides). 

“It’s the schedule, isn’t it?” he finally asks. “Tell me it’s the schedule that has you all like this.”

Changhyun finally takes his hand off Niel’s ear. “What schedule?” he asks. “This is our free month, we spend it however we like. We don’t think you’re weird for wanting to be outside all the time.”

“How is that weird?”

Instead of gracing this with a proper answer, Changhyun strides up to Chanhee and sticks his chin out at him, proudly trying to show off his strengthened masculinity. Behind them, Jonghyun is attempting to lay some fingers on the top of Niel’s nose, while Niel is letting this happen as he browses through his phone for some online updates.

“Feel it,” Changhyun orders.

Chanhee rolls his eyes but does as he is told. He snorts when he fails to find anything of import there. “What the hell kind of a beard is this?” he asks him.

Niel and Jonghyun cheer from their spots, and they immediately start booing Changhyun.

Changhyun stamps his foot, insulted by the possibility that his blossoming manhood was not so apparent. “It’s there, it’s there!” he says. “You’re just jealous ‘cause you don’t have the guts to grow one.”

Chanhee snorts again, completely unaffected. “I have better things to do with my time than grow facial hair.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you have lots of schedules right now,” Changhyun retorts. “Why else do you think we did this?”

“You brat, what do you think you’re saying?!”

Now the fight had the full attention of the others, who were excited at seeing a break in the monotony unfold so very quickly in front of their eyes. The down time didn’t give them much opportunity to be excited about new things anymore, so all signs of conflicts and major issues were welcome distractions.

Welcome for all, that is, except Byunghun, who had been in the next room, trying very hard to study his lines for a drama he was going to audition for. But because the noise in the living room had become too great a hurdle for his legendary powers of concentration and complete ignorance of the others, he steps outside the room to see what the commotion was about.

“Hey, at least I have friends outside this place,” Chanhee is saying.

“I still think your beard would suck,” is what Changhyun is saying in return.

As they are both spouting off different sides from different arguments about different topics, Byunghun decides that this isn’t worth his time and makes a move to re-enter his room. Unfortunately, Jonghyun spots him before he can even turn around.

“Ah!” he says. “I wonder how he’d look with a beard.”

“Hey, you should totally join us and grow a beard too,” Niel says. “It’s fun.”

Byunghun is about to tell them no, he isn’t interested, and that would it really be so painful for them to lower their voices so that he could study his lines in relative peace – but Changhyun beats him to the punch as soon as they make eye contact.

“Byunghun!” Changhyun yells merrily.

Byunghun winces, already wary and distrustful of the joy in Changhyun’s tone.

“Grow a beard!” Changhyun says. Beside him, Chanhee appears to have buried his face in the palm of his hand. “You’ll look even more suave with one.”

“You’ll look like a bad guy,” Jonghyun adds. “A real gangster and a hoodlum. Which is what you could be, if you were taller. Come on, unlock your full potential.”

“With a beard?” Chanhee is doubtful.

“Sure, he can get more roles with a beard, at least,” Changhyun says, ever supportive of his best friend. “He can get all the bad guy roles in all of the dramas, and he won’t ever have to need a job again.”

“What, and piss off the entire fanbase?” Chanhee says. “Forget it. Besides, he’s too small. He’ll never be able to pull it off.”

“Says you,” Byunghun says before he can stop himself. “Give me a week to grow one. I’ll show you.”

Chanhee laughs at him again, and it’s here that Byunghun loses all thought for his script if only to prove that he was capable of growing a beard along with the best of them. But before he can muster some sort of reply, the front door opens, causing everyone to turn and look at the newcomer.

“Sorry,” Changhyun says after a while. He approaches the exhausted-looking, unshaven man by the doorway and claps a hand on his shoulder. “We’ve run out of money to give the homeless.”

Niel and Jonghyun go down to the floor laughing, while Minsoo, clearly unamused by the comment, scowls and shoves Changhyun’s face away before trudging into the living room.

Chanhee takes one look at him and groans. “Don’t tell me you’ve joined their stupid game too.”

“It’s not stupid!” Niel and Jonghyun immediately protest.

“It kind of is,” Byunghun immediately rebuts.

But Minsoo’s brows scrunch up in confusion. “You’re playing a game?” he says. “What’s the prize?”

“Nothing, there’s no prize, because there’s no game,” Chanhee answers immediately before the others can get a word in. “These idiots won’t stop trying to show off their facial hair-growing abilities.”

Minsoo huffs and clears his throat, as if this will make his chin stand out even more. “Excuse me,” he says, “but when it comes to beard-growing, there’s none as good as me.”

“What are you talking about?” Niel asks. “What beard? You mean that small patch of hair strands on your chin? You call that a beard?”

“You call that a beard? All I can see is lips.”

“Oh my god, you’re all terrible,” Chanhee says. “Nobody can grow a beard in this house, I think we can all agree on that.”

“Correction: nobody but Jonghyun can grow a beard in this house.”

“Shut up, Jonghyun.”

“Shut up, Changhyun.”

“I dare you to shut me up.”

“I double dare you to shut me up.”

“I double double double double dare you to shut me up.”

“Oh yeah? Well I double double double double double triple –”

“Will you guys knock it off?” Chanhee says. “This is the most mature fight of the century, I swear.”

Silence descends upon the group when it finally dawns on them that even they are starting to get bored with the silly contest.

“You know what would be really nice?” Chanhee says to the group. “Have a contest to see who washes the most dishes. Now that’s what I call a worthy game.”

“What are you, our mom?” Changhyun rolls his eyes. Beside him, Jonghyun is snickering.

Niel snorts. “Yeah, well,” he says. “Bet I could out-mom all of you.”

“No,” Minsoo says, completely missing the point. “My mom out-moms all of yours.”

“That’s not what this contest is about and you know it,” Niel says. But then, he adds as an afterthought, “I think my mom’s better than yours.”

But instead of rising to the challenge, Minsoo snorts and crosses his arms across his chest instead. He isn’t one to discourage the immediate need to defend a mother after all, so he doesn’t try to persuade Niel otherwise.

“I think we should have a contest to find out which among us makes the best mom,” Changhyun says suddenly.

But Jonghyun is shaking his head. “No way,” he says. “I like the beard-growing contest better. At least we all look funny.”

“Oh no, I’m with Changhyun here,” Chanhee says. “Have you guys even seen the dirt in this place that needs to be cleaned?”

“Not me,” Minsoo answers, a little proudly. “I don’t stay here anymore.”

“Okay, so get out.”

Minsoo slaps Niel upside the head.

“What are you doing here anyway?” Niel asks, after he's socked Minsoo in the shoulder.

“What, a guy can’t check if his friends actually miss him?” Minsoo answers, but the loud rumble from his stomach is heard by all in the room, and nobody is fooled by their leader’s lies.

He still continues to pass it off as the truth anyway, if only because he still has his image to maintain.

Everyone else goes along with it, if only because they are all too lazy to do the opposite.

So it’s at this moment that Byunghun chooses to retreat to his room, seeing as things had finally simmered down to their normal levels. He steals one final glance at them all jeering at their hapless leader, and he decides that this is already as normal as things could get with them.

Besides, they were all bored with the stunning amount of free time they now had on their hands, and honestly, Byunghun thinks he understands why they would want to waste their times on little issues like growing a beard.

So now, Byunghun is back in his quiet room after making sure to lock the door. He opens his script to familiarize himself with his character, and soon, he is immersing himself once again in the drama’s setting. This role looks to be a fairly good one, so he knows he’ll have to give it his all if he wants to pass the auditions.

But his eyes wander over the lines given to the series’ antagonist, and he finds himself mouthing them all to himself. As he’s reading these lines, he unconsciously lifts a hand up to rub at his chin, not really minding the lack of hair there.

He tries to imagine that his chin is rough and stubbly, and imagines also how much more effective the lines would sound, if they’re coming from a face that’s covered in hair.

Facial hair is easy to grow, he thinks. If he begins now, he’ll be able to see just how villainous he’d look without having to show it off to everybody else in the dorms.

Chapter Text

Sometimes, Byunghun really, really hated his members.

This was the thought running through his head, as he shuffled out their shared dorms (why did he still live there anyway?) and left behind yet another shouting match between the youngest members about some unfinished game. Whatever the cause or result of that one was, he couldn’t really bring himself to care.

He mulled this over, moving a foot in front of the other in his regular pace, no longer keeping track of where he was headed. At this time, there really was only one other person he wouldn’t mind visiting. Even if it came at the cost of disturbing that other man’s peace in order to appease Byunghun’s ruffled disposition.

It had always been like this between the two, and the familiarity of the situation wasn’t lost on Byunghun, even after all these years.

He enjoyed hanging out with Minsoo the most. While he would never admit it out loud, especially not at the dorms where there were four other blabbermouths ensuring that your secret was never safe with them, Byunghun looked up to Minsoo a lot. He admired so much about him, from his effortless coolness, to his willingness to look stupid for the rest of the guys. More than anything though, he appreciated how down-to-earth Minsoo was, and how he never tried to lord it over the others, even though he was supposed to be their leader.

Of course, most of it had to do with Choi Jonghyun’s rapidly-growing body that showed no signs of slowing. There was also his exploitable soft spot for Yoo Changhyun and Ahn Daniel. Lee Chanhee could also get his way with Minsoo if he’d exert half the effort to manipulate everything to make sure their leader got on his good side.

Actually, most of it had to do with the rest of the members.

Byunghun had never really learned to appreciate the full value and extent of Minsoo’s influence on the team. But when Minsoo moved out of the dorms to go live on his own, Byunghun had noticed, now more than ever, just how big a gap he'd left behind.

It was noisier, for one. The kids would always be noisy, at all times of the day, and this was something Byunghun knew he was supposed to have accepted long ago as an indisputable fact of life. It was as irrefutable as the sun rising in the mornings. Put Teen Top in the same room together, and things were bound to explode in noise and chaos.

But without Minsoo’s silent presence to steady them, things only got more unbearable. Everywhere Byunghun looked, he saw only irritating faces with the most irritating, loud voices. But when he looked around for someone to complain to, Minsoo was nowhere to be found. Chanhee was no help either, choosing instead to leave the dorms for his much-needed peace and quiet without the rest of the members.

Meanwhile, all Byunghun wanted to do was sleep.

This was why, with everything becoming so magnified back at the dorms, he found himself walking down a path that had become recently familiar to him, walked up to a door that would slowly begin to resemble another friendly place to crash in when the world got to be too much, and stood there, hoping to see the member he’d failed to truly appreciate.

When Minsoo opened up, it was obvious he wasn’t happy about seeing Byunghun at his front door.

“You again?” he scowled, but pushed his door a little wider anyway.

Byunghun pushed past him and entered the unit.

Minsoo scoffed from the doorway. “Yeah, sure, make yourself at home, why don’t you,” he said, before shutting the door. He walked over to the kitchen to look over Byunghun’s shoulder. Byunghun, who’d opened up the refrigerator to see what he could help himself to, appeared not to mind.

“You know I got this place to get away from all of you, right?” Minsoo huffed, after seeing Byunghun grab a carton of juice.

Byunghun grinned at him and shrugged. “I can just imagine Changhyun’s face right now if you said that to him,” he said. “Can you imagine the tears?”

Minsoo laughed and flopped down on his bed. “Shut up, he knows why I had to move out.”

“And ever since, he’s claimed dibs on your sofa bed.” Byunghun took the soft chair nearby and stretched his feet over the bed.

Minsoo huffed again and shoved Byunghun’s leg off his thighs. “Let him. The next time I come back, I’ll show him who’s boss.”

“Jonghyun’s also tried to claim the sofa bed, I think.”

“… Never mind.”

The two sat in amiable silence for a while, letting the aircon gently blow the cool air onto their relaxed bodies.

Byunghun liked it whenever he could get Minsoo away from the others. While Minsoo still never neglected to poke fun at him whenever he could, he was always, somehow less of a bully when it was just them together. Probably because there was nobody else to show off for, when it was just them.

Not that anyone respected Minsoo’s authority anymore, anyway.

Byunghun looked around him, a little amazed at how quickly the apartment had filled with accessories, decorations, and other items. Even the aircon had Minsoo’s faint scent to it, he noticed. Slowly, the small unit was becoming Minsoo’s own private space, and Byunghun was understandably envious. If only he could have this sort of peace back at the dorms.

“So,” he said, “how long before you bring a girl here?”

The response came immediately. “You’re here now, aren’t you?”

Byunghun chucked a pillow towards Minsoo’s laughing mass on the bed. “I’m going to leave my juice here on the chair if you don’t stop.”

“Then you can’t ever come back here again.”

“Yeah, right. You’d miss me too much.”

“I’ll see you when we get schedules, don’t worry.”

“That’ll take a while.”

“It’ll take long enough.”

Byunghun continued to sip from his juice carton. “How’s the song writing going?”

Minsoo groaned in lieu of a proper answer. “Don’t remind me,” he said. “This stuff’s harder than I thought.”

“You’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, of course I will.”

“So what did you need my help for, then?”

“Idiot, you’re the one that started it.”

Silence fell upon them again, causing Byunghun to make the faint realization that most of his conversations with Minsoo were either peaceful talks, or unfinished arguments. If anything, he guessed that it was due to their similarities in personality – after all, of everyone in the team, Byunghun often felt that he was closest to Minsoo in this regard. This could explain why they both got along so well.

“You know,” Minso said from the bed, cutting into Byunghun’s thoughts. “If you wanted to get away from the others so badly, you could always get your own place too.”

Byunghun shrugged. “Too much work,” he answered. “I’d rather move back in with my folks if it came to that. They still keep my room for me.”

“Do what you want,” Minsoo said. “I’m just saying. So you don’t have to keep coming here whenever you want to take a nap.”

Immediately, Byunghun felt his face begin to redden. But he didn’t have to think long to come up with a reply, as the answer flew straight out of his mouth and into the apartment. “But I like coming here.”

Of course, this wasn’t what he’d wanted to say at all, but now that the statement had been released out in the open, Byunghun didn’t see the point in taking it back. He still tried to, anyway. “I mean – I like coming here to piss you off sometimes.”

But Minsoo gave him an easy grin. “Shut up, I know what you meant.” He leaned further back into his pillows and stretched. “You know the door’s always open. But it wouldn’t hurt to stay with the rest of the guys now and then.”

“Says the guy who moved out.”

“I’m being serious here. What’s wrong with you anyway? You’ve been crashing here all the time now. I was serious about the moving out thing, if they piss you off so much.”

But now, Byunghun was shaking his head. “It’s not really them,” he began, but drifted off when he found he had no idea where to begin. From the corner of his eye, he caught Minsoo playing with the edge of a pillow. From him, there was no pressure to continue the statement, but it didn’t sit well with Byunghun to just leave him hanging like that.

Byunghun sighed. “It’s a lot of things, really.”

Minsoo scoffed. “With you, it’s always a lot of things.”

Byunghun reddened. “That’s not true!”

Minsoo grinned. “Kind of is.”

Byunghun sighed again and ran a hand through his hair. Lately, he’d begun to see each of his members in entirely new lights. Even as they retained much of their debut selves, there were still so many things that changed. Here, now, alone with Minsoo, Byunghun could clearly see what had changed and what had stayed the same with him.

Minsoo had learned to become more expressive, for one. There were introverts in the team, but there were no anti-social people. Give a quiet guy a little time with the rest of the members, and he’ll be making as much noise as the rest of them in no time. This was something so clearly evident in both Minsoo and himself, even if they both tried to deny this at every possible opportunity.

Sometimes, Byunghun caught himself wishing he had much of the same cool confidence that his leader had. Minsoo could sit and laze about on his bed, completely oblivious to the rest of the world and other things. Whereas, with Byunghun, his feelings immediately showed, no matter his hardest efforts to keep them at bay.

“Hey.”

Minsoo looked up.

“Do you like it out here, on your own?

Minsoo shrugged. “It’s nice. Quiet. Gives me time to think.”

But more time to think was not good for Byunghun, who always had so many things running through his head on any given day. For Byunghun, more time to think also meant more time to mope and brood, causing all of his problems to get bigger and bigger, until they got out of control altogether.

Suddenly, the idea of owning his own place didn’t seem as appealing as it did before.

“You know…” Minsoo’s quiet voice snapped him out of his thoughts again. “You think too much.”

Byunghun blinked. “Huh?”

He scratched his nose and looked immediately sheepish, as if he hadn’t meant to say that out loud. “It’s just…” Minsoo began. “You always think about so many things. Carrying everything on your own. Maybe you should just be honest from now on. With yourself, I mean. And maybe also with me, because I’m supposed to be your friend.”

Byunghun could hardly believe it. Was this guy really trying to inspire him or something? “Hey, are you really trying to inspire me or something?” He snorted. “Changyun’s right, you really aren’t very good at this.”

“Hey, shut up. I’m trying to be nice here, okay? You ungrateful ass.” Minsoo threw a pillow his way. “I’m just saying. You don’t have to tell anyone if you don’t want to. But in my experience, talking to someone about it really helps.”

“Idiot, what do you think I’m doing here, then?”

“I don’t know, drinking all my juice? When I said to talk to someone, I didn’t mean me. Now get out, you moocher.”

“You’re one to talk! Why do you want me out right now anyway? As if you’re doing anything so important.”

“Yeah, jacking off. What time are you leaving?”

Byunghun snorted loudly at this, no longer trying to pretend to be annoyed. “Why am I not surprised?”

“You should be, you ass, I’m an upstanding moral citizen of the state.”

“Okay, Mister Jack Off.”

Minsoo rolled his eyes. “Take it from me, okay? You can’t keep all the bad stuff in. Let them out some time, it’ll help.”

“Are you still talking about jacking off?”

This drew an exaggerated groan from the other man. “Shut up, shorty. You know what I’m talking about.”

Byunghun sobered immediately. It seemed he couldn’t completely hide anything from his friends after all. “Talk to someone about it. Okay, I got it. But what if nobody else likes what I say?”

Here, Minsoo straightened up on the bed, apparently sobering up also along with Byunghun. “They might not,” he said. “But they’ll listen to you anyway. That’s more important.”

“You don’t even want to know what I’m talking about, do you?”

It surprised Byunghun when the answer came instantly from Minsoo. “Why would I?” he asked. “If it’s none of my business, then it’s not. Besides, if I asked you about it, you’ll tell me something else instead.”

Byunghun shrugged and tried to sip more juice from the carton he was holding, even if there was nothing left in it anymore.

“I’m not like the others, you know. I know when to butt out of something that doesn’t concern me.”

Byunghun had to chuckle at that. “Ah, they know when to butt out too, you know. But only sometimes.”

Minsoo gave a short laugh. “Look, whatever it is you’re thinking of doing, I’m sure you have your own reasons for it. You’re not the type to do anything rashly anyway. Am I right?”

“I guess,” Byunghun replied, now suddenly feeling very guilty about not truly divulging himself. But he couldn't deny that he'd gotten something out of this visit anyway. “Thanks. I knew talking to someone older would help.”

“Hey, watch who you’re calling old. I’m not your dad.”

“You kind of look the part anyway. When was the last time you shaved? Last year?”

“That’s it. Get out. Help a guy out with his life problems and this is what I get in return. I’m so glad I got my own place, away from all of you ungrateful kids.”

Byunghun laughed. “Hey, watch who you’re calling ungrateful. Let me buy you a beer some time.”

“You’re just saying that ‘cause you want to drink,” Minsoo accused. “But fine, I accept. It’s your money.”

“Yours too, if I can get you drunk enough.”

“Out!”

But Byunghun was way ahead of him already, moving immediately towards the door and still laughing out loud even as he continued on outside. He made sure to bring his empty juice carton with him on his way out - he couldn't have his leader thinking he was ungrateful and rude at the same time.

Now, making his way back to their shared dorms (seriously, why did he still live there anyway?), Byunghun found himself going back to his shared conversation with Minsoo. He did tell him to be more honest and open, and if Byunghun was going to be both, then he would just have to come out and admit it, then.

Sometimes, Byunghun really, really hated his members.

But the good, honest truth was that he’d hate it even more if he had to go on without any of them. Byunghun knew, deep in his heart and deep in his gut, that this was something that was truly unshakeable. It was as irrefutable as the sun rising in the mornings. Despite all the noise and chaos, it really was so impossible to shake guys like these from your memory.

Byunghun knew this, because Lord knows he’s tried so many times to do so. But amid the loud destruction they liked to cause on a daily basis, he also knew he would never have to feel truly lonely with the others around.

Still, it would help to get that much-needed moment of peace away from the others once in a while.

This was why, halfway through his route home, Byunghun stopped by at a nearby café, whipped out his phone, and texted Chanhee to see if he was on his way home too. Knowing his same-aged friend, he probably wouldn’t be as eager to get back home so early. That unfinished game seemed like it would occupy the kids for a long time yet, anyway.

Chapter Text

The day Changjo lost his cute, nobody else had been able to help him deal with it. Minsoo had long moved out of the dorms, while everyone else – including Jonghyun – had individual schedules of their own. Things were tough without the others, that much was made clear. But if any one of them had to admit this fact out loud, there would be mass jeering and teasing to pay.

It had been a long-established fact that, of all them, only Jonghyun could get away with being cute without making everyone want to cringe and barf up their insides. As such, when he’d lost the power to do so, it was something that didn’t sit quite so well with the members who noticed.

“Jonghyun hasn’t been himself lately,” Niel said to Chanhee suddenly, as if Chanhee hadn’t noticed the same thing. “You think he’s tired?”

Chanhee shrugged. “Have you asked him?”

“No. I figured he’d tell me himself if he wanted.”

Chanhee scratched his cheek idly. “Has he told you?”

“Not yet.”

“So what are you waiting for, if you’re so concerned?”

Niel looked at him like he’d suggested something horrible. “What, and pry all over his private business? What am I, his mom?”

“You might as well be,” Chanhee muttered under his breath. But out loud, he said, “You think we should just give him time?”

“I guess?” Niel said. “But he really hasn’t been himself lately. I’m worried.”

“So tell him.”

“I would, but he’s always so busy nowadays. We barely even see each other at home anymore.”

Chanhee mulled over this for a moment. Niel was right, this was starting to look like a problem. But if there was just one person on the team who could pull him out of his funk, it would have to be that guy.

“Someone’s gotta tell Minsoo about this.”

Chanhee sputtered. “What, him?” he said. “You think he’ll be able to help?”

Niel considered this. “Well, not really,” he admitted. “But you know how he gets when we don’t tell him things.”

“You mean when you don’t tell him things. He generally doesn’t care about what anyone else here has to say.”

“You don’t mean that,” Niel said, even as he was already pulling his phone out of his pocket.

“Look,” Chanhee said, “maybe you’re better off telling Changhyun first. He’s the only one who might have some real idea of whatever Jonghyun’s going through right now.”

Niel’s hand stilled in his pocket. “You’re right. But if those two already know each other so well, don’t you think they might’ve already talked to each other about it?”

Chanhee shrugged. “Won’t hurt to try.”

Niel nodded. “I’ll get right to it. As soon as we’re done here.”

They both came back to reality and found themselves inside a radio broadcast station. It was just the two of them there today, and a few minutes later, two became three, as the radio jock walked in through the door and apologized for being late.

“You guys ready to get on-air?” he asked.

Both Chanhee and Niel nodded their heads, even if it was fairly clear they weren’t a hundred percent into their upcoming interview. If the radio host had noticed, he at least had the good grace to leave it unsaid.

“The life of an idol,” he began, “it must be really tough, huh?”

They exchanged looks. Shrugged, smiled, then turned back to the host. “It’s okay,” Niel said. “We manage just fine.”

“That’s right,” Chanhee said, nodding his head. “Nothing to worry about. Really, we’re fine.”

“That’s good, that’s good,” the host answered, flashing them a wide smile. “Now, seeing as you two are here to represent your team, I guess it should be obvious by now that we’re going to have to ask you about your members. Ah, but don’t say anything you wouldn’t want their mothers to hear!”

Hearty laughter from both members. And, without further prompting, they both launched into the standard updates and reassurances that everyone else on the team was doing fine.

“Except for our leader C.A.P., that is,” Niel said. “Ever since he moved out of the dorms, we never really know what he’s up to anymore. Who knows what that guy’s doing in his basement!”

“You know it’s really bad,” Chanhee added, “when even Niel here doesn’t know what’s going on with C.A.P.”

More hearty laughter from their host – and from the audience too, if the social media reactions were any indication. Business as usual. They could go back to figuring out Jonghyun’s problems later on after this.

Contrary to what they’d discussed earlier before the broadcast, Changhyun was not the first person Niel got in touch with in regards to Jonghyun’s situation.

He picked up the phone and immediately dialed the first number he thought of. Although Minsoo had already moved out of the dorms, he was still always the first one Niel called whenever problems came up. If he didn’t take the time to inform their leader of every little thing, nobody would. If that happened, Minsoo would be left out of the loop entirely. And if that happened, then he’d turn into a big, whiny baby, and would still somehow end up blaming Niel for it.

Which was why Niel figured it best to nip the problem in the bud before it even sprouted.

Once he had planted the seeds of concern in their leader’s conscience, it would only be a matter of time before he came around to check on their youngest.

And to think his mom used to tell him he was no good in gardening.

If only the phone call to their leader went exactly the way he’d planned it.

“I think he’s sick.”

“Huh?”

“Jonghyun. I think he’s sick.”

“… Okay?”

“You call yourself our leader? Aren’t you even a little bit concerned?”

“Should I be?”

“I tell you Jonghyunnie’s sick and you say okay?”

“He’s a strong kid.”

“But he’s sick. Seriously, are you even listening?”

“He has a mom, doesn’t he?”

“You’re so useless.”

“I’m busy.”

“But –”

“Bye.”

And that had been the end of that.

Niel groaned and rubbed his forehead. “Ah, seriously,” he said, “why do I even bother with that guy!”

The situation with Jonghyun was like this – now that everyone had their own schedules, it was rare for them all to be together in the same room at any given time. The problem that lay in this was, whenever they did manage to be together, it was always so obvious that Jonghyun just wasn’t as playful as he used to be.

They missed him, in other words. Where was their youngest member Changjo and who was the large, brooding man who’d replaced him now?

As it was, however, Changhyun and Byunghun seemed to be the only other people in the room who didn’t seem to notice.

“You think he’s okay?” Niel finally said.

“Why don’t you ask him?” Chanhee returned.

“I would, but I don’t want to tick him off or anything.”

“So don’t ask him.”

“You’re no help.”

“Text him instead?”

“That’s an even worse idea! What kind of friend are you?”

Chanhee rolled his eyes. “The nice kind that gives everyone else their space when they need it?” he reminded. “Look, if he’ll tell you what’s wrong, he will. I don’t think pushing him to say so is going to help.”

“You’re always like this. And besides, that’s not what you said yesterday at the broadcast!”

“Well, I’m changing my answer now. You called Minsoo, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, he was just as unhelpful as you.”

“Shut it. Really, I think we should back off a minute here with Jonghyun. Maybe it’s an issue he needs to work out on his own.”

“That makes sense.”

“Of course it does. That’s why I’m older.”

“That’s not how the age system works here, you bum.”

From the corners of their eyes, they both spotted Byunghun scoot a little farther away from Jonghyun. To his credit, he didn’t make the avoidance so obvious. But to any careful observer, the way his eyes kept darting nervously to his younger seatmate was already a dead giveaway.

Chanhee took this as some sort of triumph. “See, I told you we should just give him his space.”

But then Changhyun swooped in from out of nowhere, plunked himself right beside Jonghyun, and began blabbing away about some other inconsequential thing. There was no big change in Jonghyun’s demeanor at first. But to any careful observer, the slight drooping of his shoulders was a welcome thing.

This time, it was Niel’s turn to gloat. “He’s gotta tell someone about it,” he said. “Sooner or later, he’s going to tell us what’s wrong.”

Even Chanhee started to look pensive. “I guess,” he conceded. “But don’t think he’s going to be opening up to you if he does.”

When no reply came from Niel, Chanhee gave him a quick glance, then softened his features when he saw a small pout cross his friend’s face. Chanhee shook his head. “Can’t be helped,” he said. Then, he clapped a hand on Niel’s shoulder. “Come on,” he said, “let’s get some coffee.”

As it turned out, the only one capable of restoring Jonghyun’s zest was none other than the undisputed, begrudging master of youth himself, Yoo Changhyun. Nobody knew how it happened, but after spending just one day with their moody teammate, Changyun had restored him to near-normalcy.

“He just missed me, that’s all,” was all Changhyun had told them. When pressed for more details, he refused to divulge any more, saying only how good it was that a crisis had been averted in time.

“It’s his schedule, isn’t it?” Niel said, refusing to let this discussion go without a fight. “He’s been working himself too hard, hasn’t he? I knew it. This was all really too much for him.”

“You think too much. Don’t worry about it. He’s fine now. But you can talk to him about it, if you want.”

“Ah, Niel,” Chanhee said, shaking his head. “We get you’re concerned. But maybe this is something we need to leave alone for now, huh?”

Niel felt an answer rising from his gut, but managed to catch the meaningful glance in Chanhee’s eyes. He kept his mouth closed.

“You can talk to him. He’s fine now.” Changhyun continued to smile like nothing had happened. “Nothing a little guy bonding can’t fix.”

But both of them still looked concerned.

Changhyun shrugged. “Look,” he said, “everyone gets angry, right? We can’t be happy all the time. That’s all it was with Jonghyun. It wasn’t any of our faults, so don’t worry about it.”

“It wasn’t the schedules, was it?” Niel continued to ask. “I mean, I know what it’s like, and I saw his, so I thought…”

Chanhee snorted. “Humble brag,” he said, and got a sharp jab in the ribs for the comment.

“He should be the one telling you,” Changhyun answered. “But yeah, the schedules were one part of it. Humble brag.”

Chanhee gave a small whoop and immediately slapped Changhyun a high-five. Niel rolled his eyes at the display.

“It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t tell me.” He huffed. “I guess I would’ve wanted to talk to him about it or something, but if you say he’s okay, then it’s cool.”

“Of course it’s cool,” Jonghyun said, suddenly walking into the room. “Hi, guys.”

Of the three, only Niel showed any visible signs of panic. “Jonghyun!” he said. “Are you okay? What happened? What’s –”

But Jonghyun only gave him a thumbs-up. “Don’t worry, it’s all good,” he said. “Sorry about that though, I didn’t mean to be so mean. Must’ve been the schedules.”

“Or maybe it’s ‘cause you keep forgetting to eat,” Changhyun said. Beside him, Niel and Chanhee looked on in terror, then looked on at Jonghyun, in case he flew into a rampage.

Jonghyun frowned at the expressions on their faces, but made no further comment about it. “Let’s go get some food,” he said instead. Maybe he’d talk to them about this again some other time. “Look, it’s fine, really. You don’t have to be so nice so suddenly.”

As predicted, Niel was the first one to react. “What are you talking about?” he said. “I’m nice all the time!”

Jonghyun made no effort to hide his fake cough. “Humble brag.”

Chanhee and Changhyun chortled at the joke, and clapped him proudly on the back.

Niel opened his mouth to protest, but reconsidered this at the last moment. If he had to be the butt of their joke this time, then so be it. The lengths he went through just to see this team happy. Really, these guys were so lucky to have someone like him on board. 

Later that evening, a very concerned-looking Minsoo stepped through the dorms, carrying something which might have smelled like Jonghyun’s favorite pastry.

But only Byunghun was on the sofa to welcome him home.

“You just missed out on all the fun,” he said by way of greeting. “Jonghyun’s okay now.”

Minsoo’s shoulders slumped instantly before he trudged over to join Byunghun in the living room. “Oh,” he said. “So I spent my money for nothing, then.”

“Not really,” Byunghun answered. “We can still have it.”

“Idiot. This isn’t for you.”

“I’m not going to eat all of it.”

But Minsoo stood firm. “No. It’s for Jonghyun.”

“So save him some. I’m just going to have one. Or two.”

“Is no food sacred in this place?”

“Why are you so surprised? You used to live here.”

“You see, this is why I moved out.”

“So why do you care if I eat some of this? It’s not like you’ll be here when Jonghyun gets back anyway.”

“Uh-uh. I’m staying until I see him eat this.”

“What are you, his dad?”

Minsoo slapped Byunghun’s head. “Shut up. The one time I try to be a good leader and this is what happens. You guys never let me have any fun.”

Byunghun’s lips quirked into a smile at the sight of his leader acting so petulant. “Listen,” he said, “you are a good leader. Pretty slow on the uptake, mostly. But you’re okay.”

“What are you talking about? I’m more than okay.”

“Whatever you say.”

“Got that right.”

Byunghun allowed a few moments of silence to pass by before deciding to break it again. “So, how about it?” he said. “I already fed your ego. Now how about feeding me whatever you brought?”

Minsoo sighed and groaned to the heavens. “Okay,” he said. “Fine. But just one, okay? After that, we’re locking this up somewhere.”

“Aye-aye.”

“I mean it. Everyone has to know I got this for Jonghyun.”

“Okay, I said.”

“I’m counting on you here. I’m going to head back to the studio for a bit.”

“Again? But you just got here. I thought you were going to stay?”

“Inspiration calls. I just thought of a new diss rap about you. I’ll put it out on radio once you become big ahead of us.”

“So mean.”

“Byunghun, I mean it. Just one, and that’s it.”

“Okay already! You can trust me. When have I ever let you down?”

Minsoo was about to fire off all the things he still held Byunghun accountable for, but wisely chose to maintain his silence.

His phone started buzzing not long after he’d left the dorms. Minsoo very nearly chucked it back towards his bed once he’d finished scrolling through his messages.

Thanks for the cupcake, the first one had read.

Then came the second:

Even if everyone else said you ate the rest of it kekeke~

“That little –” But Minsoo cut himself short there, figuring it better to call Byunghun the Twerp instead to let him hear all of the insults in person.

Chapter Text

Practice today is just downright cruel and grueling, that it’s reduced everyone to heaving dry spasms on the floor. Minsoo has been tired before, but never like this, where it feels like his lungs are too sore and too large to catch up with all the breaths he needs to take.

Nobody else bothers to offer him words of comfort, and this is something he isn’t taking personally. Everyone in the room right now is tired, and it would be foolish to waste precious breaths on useless statements of comfort. They’re all grown men after all, and if they wanted to be nice with each other, treating everyone else out to dinner was the more productive, more preferable option.

Minsoo closes his eyes and drapes an arm over his face. He feels the tiredness seep and build homes in his bones, but he's too done with tonight to do anything about it. The worst part of it all isn’t that they’re doing this in the first place – it’s that they’re going to have to do it all again in a few minutes’ time.

Fifteen minutes, if their dance director is feeling merciful today.

Minsoo hopes desperately for bad bowel functions for their director today. He wasn’t a bad man – neither of them were – but Minsoo would give anything right now, if it meant delaying the inevitable for a few more minutes of rest.

He feels a shoe graze his shoulder, and even if he knows Niel didn’t mean to hit him particularly, he still makes the effort to wheeze out the obligatory “Five more minutes.”

Minsoo hears a snort above him and even he has to grin at the reaction he’d caused. He’s pleased to have wrenched anything out of Niel tonight, because Niel’s been having it hard especially out of everyone else in the room. Besides, it's always great to have his hard work acknowledged. It isn't easy mustering the energy to mutter a few words, when the time could have been better spent catching up on his breaths.

A worthy sacrifice, if Minsoo ever saw one. Truly, the title of leader wasn’t something just anyone could bear.

“Ah, so tired, so tired, so tired,” Jonghyun says first, and of course it’d be him who’d be the first to speak for all of them.

“I feel like I’m dying,” Changhyun answers, because the two youngest have always been a tandem, and it’d be rude to leave each other’s statements hanging.

Minsoo lifts his arm momentarily, and spies nearly all his teammates leaning against the wall mirror in their dance studio. He can feel Niel’s shoe lightly grazing his shoulder still, so that makes it just the two of them who aren’t wiping their back sweat all over company property.

Minsoo decides to let this one go. They’re all frustrated and tired. If they wanted to wipe their back sweat and nose snot over the company logo, he wouldn’t be the one to stop them either. It’s too tiring to be the only responsible one sometimes, and everyone knows how hard Minsoo’s had to work to try and be something he’s clearly not.

Right now, it’s just his team lying down in the room and complaining, and already, Minsoo can start to hear the crickets outside. He doesn’t have to look further to know what time it is, and no, he probably doesn’t even care at this point either. It doesn’t take a special kind of genius to know that it was already dark outside, and that, no matter how late the time, it would do no good to justify the merits of lying down on a bed instead of the dance floor.

But such things couldn’t be helped. It was time to go back to work after so long, and even if the job took so much out of him, Minsoo couldn’t really find it within himself to complain. Seven long years of dancing and singing and rapping and who knew what else – you’d think anyone could get used to such a life. Despite everything, Minsoo actually enjoyed what he was doing. And if he was being honest, the only thing that made things bearable was that he wasn’t going through this alone.

Minsoo lets his arm drop back over his eyes, determined to get some rest before his feet were made to go through hell again.

If only his teammates shared the same idea.

Because he’d been on his phone first, Chanhee is the first to react to some online thing. From his snort, it’s obvious that this latest update isn’t the cheery kind. “There he goes again,” he says, and Minsoo doesn’t need to take the arm off his eyes to see his friend’s small scowl. “Who does he think he’s fooling at this point? That jerk.”

There’s an empty lull where Chanhee’s usual back-up man would have followed up with another snarky comment, but it’s hard for the back-up man to do that when he isn’t even in the room with them.

It’s also pretty hard for the back-up man to say anything, when he’s the one who’s drawn Chanhee’s ire in the first place.

An awkward silence fills the room instead, and Minsoo allows the mood to fester. He hears some shoes scuffle nervously by the mirror, although the shoe above him doesn’t, so he supposes it’s alright to let Chanhee have his say first. Chanhee was always a pretty emotional guy anyway, and the kind of person to let so many things out after keeping them in for so long. Whatever he had to say, it obviously wasn’t going to be pretty, but Minsoo thinks it’s better to deal with this now, instead of having to handle it later.

They’re all still huffing and puffing away from the hard practice. In this raw state, they’re all bound to be more open and honest with each other, and after weeks of keeping the emotions in, Minsoo takes his usual backseat to let them all talk it out like adults.

Meanwhile, Chanhee is still looking for takers. The spot for his back-up man is wide open and vacant, and he isn’t wasting any time looking for replacements. Even if nobody seems entirely willing to fill the void, you’d have to admire Chanhee’s bullish effort to force his way of things.

“Look at this guy, all carefree and all smiles,” Chanhee continues to say. “He’s not in here sweating it out with the rest of us like he was supposed to. Nope. Instead, he wants to do his own thing. Be happy. Meanwhile, the rest of us are stuck doing this stupid as shit practice.”

At this point in their relationship, nobody is surprised anymore at Chanhee’s vulgar language and angry outburst. But because he directs them to a former friend, they’re all predictably on their guards.

It’s Changhyun who breaks the silence first. He’d grown close to Chanhee over the years, and theirs had become a friendship that broke more common ground than their status as vocalists of the group. But if Chanhee was hoping for a new back-up man, he’d be sorely disappointed. “How can you say that?” is what Changhyun says instead. “We don’t know anything he’s been through. We can’t judge him for anything yet.”

“That’s just the point, isn’t it?” Chanhee all but snarls. “We don’t know anything. We don’t know, because he hasn’t told us. Just a ‘hello, goodbye, I’m leaving,’ then out he goes. What kind of an exit is that?”

“Maybe he was scared, ‘cause he knew this was how you were going to react.”

Chanhee snorts in reply instead and makes a loud, angry sniffle. Minsoo knows that, of all of them, he’s the most likely candidate to fill in the spot for Chanhee’s back-up man. The fact that Chanhee hadn’t given any retort was already invitation enough for Minsoo to step in and offer his own. But Niel still isn’t saying anything, so he’s choosing to keep his mouth shut for now. He wants to see where this all goes.

There’s an angry sniffle again, and Minsoo can hear the disappointment in the sounds Chanhee is making.

Jonghyun’s the one who speaks up next, because he isn’t one to leave his partner on his own. “I thought he explained it clearly enough,” he says, a deep, low voice coming out of his mouth. Jonghyun’s still the youngest on the team, but he no longer acts like it. Seven years have gone by too fast, if this scrawny kid had grown so quickly into a man with more muscles than Minsoo himself used to have at debut. Jonghyun’s opinion counts for something on the team now, and everyone stills so they can listen to him properly.

“It’s been seven years,” Jonghyun continues. “He’s changed. His priorities changed. Aren’t we all the same?”

“He didn’t have to dump us like we were so useless to him,” Chanhee rebuts. If anyone thinks he’s going to cry soon, then they’ll have to wait a while longer. It's obvious to anyone who knew him that Chanhee still isn't done fuming. The tears would have to come later. “After leading us on and stringing us along... making us think he wanted the same thing. Then he does something like this, and now who looks stupid? Does he really think we’re not good enough for him anymore?”

Minsoo can understand where Chanhee is coming from, because he’s felt the same thing. It was more than humiliating to see the drama unfold online and on TV – after initially agreeing to keep this behind closed doors, it was understandable why anyone would be so angry about how things had turned out.

But no, even when they were all at their worst, he’d chosen to please the fans anyway. Cater to them and their every need. Answering all their questions with vague status updates. Of course they’d start fawning over him the moment shit hit the fan. 

The fans were important, of course. Everything they did was for them, and always would be. But Minsoo thought that there should have been some things that even they had to keep secret from the outside world. In a profession where nothing really belonged to them anymore, it was a little degrading to know that not even your problems would be kept private.

At the same time, Minsoo wondered what the point would even be if they all worked hard to pretend like nothing happened. Who, then, would appear more concerned with maintaining fanservice?

He twitches his fingers in frustration, not wanting to make a sound just yet, so he wouldn’t have to get involved. It was a difficult situation, to be sure. On one hand, you had to be tactful enough to respect someone’s feelings. But at the same time, you kind of wished the other side had shown the same kind of restraint, instead of taking to social media to vent out.

Their friend may have had nowhere else to turn to at that point, but what did he hope to accomplish by broadcasting it all online? Now look at where his dramatics had gotten them.

“He’s a drama queen,” Chanhee says, making it clear that the anger still hadn’t gone out of him. “That’s all he ever was, and will ever be. I’m happy he changed careers. I think his new one suits him just fine.”

Anyone would think the team was already falling apart. And maybe they were, but Minsoo still believed in this group. It would take more than just the departure of one member to tear them away from each other.

“You don’t mean that,” Changhyun protests, although it’s a feeble one. Still trying so hard to keep the peace, even if he was already so torn up inside. Minsoo wishes he were that strong too. “None of you do. Right? He used to be our friend.”

“Used to be,” Chanhee cuts in.

But Changhyun plods on. “I mean, I’m hurt by what happened, obviously. But at the same time, Jonghyun’s right. Maybe –” and here, his breath hitches a little “– maybe it was just time for him to move on.”

Jonghyun gives a small grunt in agreement.

Minsoo feels the shoe above his shoulder begin to move, and he straightens his posture somewhat, already waiting to hear what Niel has to say about all this.

He hears Niel sit up, but he still doesn’t want to be a part of the conversation, so Minsoo maintains his silence and goes on pretending to be asleep. He isn’t sure if the others are buying the act, but he’s thankful nobody’s forcing him to say anything.

“I know how he feels,” Niel finally says. “I know what it’s like to want to go on your own and do your own thing. I know this, okay? I understand.”

The heavy silence that greets him makes it easy to tell that everyone else had been waiting for him to weigh in. Niel continues to speak. “You guys know me, I always prefer doing things on my own. And I know all of you are like that too. But…” he pauses, and Minsoo can tell Niel’s looking down and taking a breath, like he’s wont to do when he’s extremely nervous.

When his voice comes out again, it’s much smaller and tighter, but no one shows signs that they notice this. “But everything’s just so much fun when I’m with you guys, you know? It’s nice when you get to do things on your own, but it’s also so lonely. That’s all I’m thinking of right now, that he’s lonely and on his own. It’s alright to get angry, because I’m angry too. But nobody wanted this to happen, right?”

“He didn’t have to leave the way he did,” Chanhee answers. “If he wanted to leave, fine. But I don’t know why he had to make such a big mess out of things. He wanted attention, he got it. It’s so typical of him too, huh? Always making the fans happy. How noble of him.”

Minsoo hears the tired sigh that escapes Niel, making it clear how badly he wanted to agree with Chanhee out loud. But the other two members are still in the room with them, and Minsoo knows Niel doesn’t want to fracture the team any more than necessary.

He takes this as his cue to butt in.

“He sure is a dramatic guy, that one,” is the first thing he says after taking his arm off his eyes. Nobody looks at all surprised by his intrusion. How rude, Minsoo thinks. And just when he thought he had them fooled all this time too. Still, he continues. “We should’ve known this was going to happen with him. He’s always been this way, remember? Keeps the bad things in for a while, then blows up in front of everyone when he can’t take it anymore.”

Chanhee scoffs at this. “I’m surprised you’re just as surprised as we are. Didn’t you guys talk about this?”

Minsoo shrugs. “We did. But I didn’t think he’d be doing… y’know, this. He told me he had problems, but I didn’t think it’d go this far.”

“That’s not surprising at all, “ Chanhee says immediately. “You never think.”

Changhyun makes an affronted sort of noise and slaps Chanhee’s knee. Beside him, Jonghyun starts to shift uncomfortably. Minsoo makes an easy grin and lets the insult go for now. They all need to blow off some steam anyway. But he doesn't dare look up towards Niel so he wouldn’t have to see that sad, concerned look he's sure to be giving him right now.

“Don’t worry though, you’re still right,” Minsoo says. “He should have talked to us properly before doing anything. Giving surprise interviews doesn’t count for anything.” He doesn’t have to think twice to know that this was a true thing for all of them. The moment the news broke, Minsoo’s phone had gone aflame with concerned and angry messages from everyone related to the issue. He remembers sending replies only to people he felt to be important, before shutting his phone off and calling it a day. None of those replies had been sent to any of the other members.

After that, many talks were had – sometimes, the talks involved the rest of the members. Most of the time, it was just him and a bunch of other company men. He also remembers only one private talk between the six of them, but even then, it felt like they were all still hiding things from each other. It had been long and it had lasted all through the night, but nobody had been completely honest with each other then. It was like a bad game of poker, where nothing ever really went anywhere, because nobody was willing to put down their cards.

A terrible experience, if Minsoo ever knew one. He hopes they don’t have to go through it again, but he knows they’ll have to, at some point. Just like what they were doing now, only they needed to be complete again the next time they would do it.

“I don’t know why you’re still holding back,” Chanhee says. He always was the most aggressive one of them all, pushing at everyone’s limits just to get what he wanted. “He’s not here. Nobody else is here. It’s just us. I know you’re angry about this too, so why can’t you just be honest with us?”

“Because it’s obvious you’re only riling me up to get someone else to back you up,” is what Minsoo wants to say, but he doesn’t want the night to end in tears.

Instead, what he says is this: “Because I'm tired and we still have work tomorrow.”

It’s a good, practical, leader-like thing to say – and even better, it does the job.

Niel and Changhyun are the first to crack smiles at the comment. Jonghyun’s the next to react, snorting loudly to show his appreciation for the distraction. Finally, even Chanhee can’t hold back his laughter at the accuracy of his answer.

“You, Bang Minsoo –” he starts, but wheezes away into loud coughs of laughter.

“Good old reliable Mister Bang.” Niel claps him on the shoulder. “I knew we could count on you.”

Jonghyun throws a smirk in their direction. “Yeah, to say the stupidest things.”

“You brat, you’re getting ruder by the day,” Minsoo fires back.

Changhyun runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head fondly, although the small smile on his face looks like it’s there to stay.

Minsoo allows his chest to puff up in pride. It took a remarkable amount of experience to be able to throw out such comments and be able to get away with it – but if he were asked, he’s pretty sure he’ll end up crediting his team anyway.

Of course it’s terrible to lose a member the way they did.

Of course he’s angry that they all have to start again from scratch.

Of course he wishes that the sixth member had stayed.

But it’s tragic to rest on useless what ifs and go on hoping for a different outcome. Not when a new beginning wasn’t so far away. Besides, other groups have had a similar experience too, haven’t they? And look where they are now. Still stronger than ever, in spite of the loss.

Minsoo figures it wouldn’t hurt to try it out with this team.

They’d get other moments to talk about it and let their feelings out again, but right now, their time is up.

Minsoo slaps the floor with both palms before sitting up again. “Okay, let’s go,” he says, willing the feeling back in his feet. Loud groans of protest greet the statement, but he knows without needing to look anymore that they’ll do as he says anyway.

“If you’re still angry, just dance it out,” he advises. “It’s all about us this time, okay? Nothing else in the world but us. And I know you all like the sound of that, ‘cause you’re all so full of it.”

Jonghyun flexes his shoulder and grunts, like he doesn’t need to be told twice. He shoots up from the floor and starts touching his toes in front of the mirror.

Changhyun begins warming up again in the center of the dance floor, a determined frown already beginning to settle down on his face. These days, Minsoo has to look twice to make sure their second-youngest hadn't grown up so rapidly too.

“Lee Chanhee,” he calls, meaning only to check that he’s okay and no longer seething. “I swear to God, if you screw this up again, I’ll kick your ass.”

Chanhee rolls his eyes and waves the comment away. “Whatever, Bang Minsoo, I’ll take care of it,” he answers, which is his own way of telling him he’s okay. He scoots a little closer to the mirror to smooth out his bangs. “Besides, I’d like to see you try and do that.”

Minsoo makes an offensive gesture in response, directing it towards a specific spot in the mirror, so Chanhee can get a clear view of it. Jonghyun barks out a laugh at the immaturity of the scene. Changhyun lets out a defeated sigh, because he can’t help it that he’s the most logical one left on the team now.

Niel gives a gentle kick to Minsoo’s shins, his own way of helping the team’s leader get off his ass. He crouches low to Minsoo’s side and pokes his shoulder. “You don’t have to try so hard, you know,” Niel says. “You don’t need to prove anything to us.”

Minsoo hears the concern there, but he snorts his emotion away. “Really?” he answers, quirking up an eyebrow. “Could have fooled me, the way you’re all acting.”

Niel gives him a small smile in reply, because Niel completely understands where Minsoo is coming from, and Niel knows that Minsoo will show his feelings in due time. Niel also knows when to give Minsoo his space, so he moves to drift closer to Chanhee to check up on him.

Minsoo allows himself a few more seconds on the floor, before standing up again. He places his hands on his knees, letting the remaining sweat drip slowly from his head down to his chin. He finds that his breathing has stabilized and already returned to normal. 

And just in time too.

The door to the studio opens, and the room becomes alive again with the idle chatter of their back-up dancers, and the commanding voices of their instructors. Somewhere in the middle, his teammates are hamming it up in front of the others, making it look like they could still do this all night. Nobody would have been able to guess that a quick, emotional meeting had taken place over that fifteen-minute water break.

Or maybe they had, which was why they left them all alone then.

It’s useless to dwell on things like that now. Feelings like these, they could always be let out another time. But it was good to have quick talks like these in between, so that when the time came to get all emotional, nobody would come into the next meeting as loaded as before.

This was always their way of doing things, wasn’t it? Hit each other now for the small stuff, so that when the time came to talk about the more serious things, none of them would be angry enough to accidentally kill each other.

“You guys ready?” their instructor says, but it’s clear he isn’t really waiting for an answer.

The only way now is forward. So Minsoo shakes his legs again and sweeps one last look over his remaining teammates. Like him, they’re all ready, if not still a little anxious.

That was okay. They were still togther anyway. They’d get through this eventually.

From his place up front, their instructor gives them the same examining look, before nodding his head at their expressions. “Okay then,” he says. “Back to work.”

Minsoo gives his thighs a final fist bump and waits for the music to start.

Back to work.

Chapter Text

By the time they had already become properly acquainted with each other, it occurred to the other members that Changhyun may have been suffering from a case of misplaced admiration.

Although they were all unabashed admirers of Big Bang, they were at least responsible with their worship. Changhyun, however, displayed no such restraint, as he was occasionally hanging around Minsoo whenever he could, by virtue of the similarities shared between his leader and his beloved. T.O.P. For some reason, Changhyun thought that by sharing the same birthday, the same deep voice, the same position of being rappers, and sort of the same stage name, his leader Minsoo and T.O.P. must be very good friends. If not that, then perhaps they were the same person, and even if Minsoo was a pale copy of the original, this was still okay with Changhyun as long as they still vaguely resembled each other.

This was getting to be a major concern for the rest of the members.

But where they tried to do the responsible thing by trying to wean Changhyun off his unhealthy habit, Minsoo did not share their concern and was lapping up all the attention he was getting instead. It also didn’t help that Niel was encouraging his behavior, simply because he thought it was funny.

“Were you not showered with enough attention as a child or something?” Byunghun asked.

Minsoo mumbled something in reply.

“What? What did you say?” Chanhee turned to Niel. “What did he say?”

Minsoo turned to Niel and mumbled something.

“He says you’re just jealous.” He nodded at Minsoo. “Yeah, I think so too.”

The two exchanged high-fives.

Byunghun scoffed. “Yeah, jealous. He’s got an admirer because the kid thinks he’s someone else. I’d rather have someone like me for who I really am, thanks.”

“So maybe you shouldn’t be calling yourself L. Joe anymore.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

Apparently, it also did not occur to the other members that Changhyun had always been hanging around Minsoo out of genuine friendship, and not really because he actually admired him. But they were so deep into their plotting phase now, that Changhyun didn’t feel the urgent need to tell them all what he really felt. Besides, they were all bored and everybody needed a distraction. If Changhyun’s case of misplaced admiration would be all it took to get them out of their rut, then he would go on pretending to really admire Minsoo for whatever little thing.

“Maybe we should settle this the old-fashioned way,” Jonghyun suggested. “Something so clear, Changhyun won’t have any choice but to stop his stupid hero-worship.”

“I’m still in the room, you guys,” Changhyun said, stomping his feet to grab their attention.

It nearly worked. Chanhee looked at him for five seconds before turning his attention back to the group. “He needs to know Minsoo isn’t hot shit.”

Minsoo reacted to this by punching Niel’s shoulder.

“I didn’t say anything and you know it!” Niel howled in protest, but was quick-witted enough to stomp on Minsoo’s foot in retaliation. The two of them ended up in a rumbling mess on the floor.

Everyone else looked on with as little interest in the brawl as possible.

“So, a contest?” Byunghun spoke up, remembering the suggestion aired earlier.

“Something with bloodshed!” Jonghyun cheered. “We have so much stress to get rid of these days.”

Byunghun slapped Jonghyun’s elbow, because this was the only part of Jonghyun he could properly reach. “No one’s killing anybody,” he said.

Chanhee raised a cursory hand to prevent Jonghyun from acting in retaliation to Byunghun’s pathetic attack. He made a low noise in his throat that told everyone else about the gears that were now starting to whir to life in his head.

“Well, I may have an idea,” Chanhee said. “Minsoo won’t like it, though. Maybe.”

“Who cares what Minsoo likes?” Changhyun said. “Let’s just do whatever we want.”

Jonghyun grunted and shook his head. “You still have so much to learn about the world, Changhyunnie.”

“I’m older than you, shut up!”

Jonghyun was about to retort to this, but was stopped short by Minsoo’s roar of victory and Niel’s sad, whining noise from the floor.

A thud was heard later on, which was later revealed to be Minsoo’s head striking the floor after Niel tripped him, but if you asked anyone else about it, they would all claim they were too disinterested to really care.

They decided on basketball.

It was really mostly Chanhee’s idea, but he’d so generously let the other members in on it, simply because they’d all agreed with his Very Great Idea.

“I hate this idea,” Changhyun whined. “And I hate this team even more.”

“Shut up.” Chanhee smacked his head. “It’s a great idea and you know it.”

 “We’re going to lose.”

“No we’re not. What are you talking about?”

“I’m serious. We’re going to lose for sure,” Changhyun continued to assert. He turned to Minsoo like he was expecting him to help. “I don’t get it, even. How is this going to make me stop liking him like you said?”

Minsoo shrugged. “Whatever. I don’t really care.”

“You’re kind of supposed to! We’re talking about you here!”

“No, we’re talking about you and the love affair you’re trying to have with me.”

“Love affair! What love affair? And I thought you liked me trying to make a love affair with you.”

“Do whatever you want, man. I already told you I didn’t care.”

Chanhee was glad to have been right about Minsoo not caring about this idea, but to say so would mean he actually cared about Minsoo’s current interests. And so, because Chanhee was no slum book with no time to invest anything in their leader, he decided to avoid commenting on the issue for now.

He was, however, mildly miffed about just one thing.

“Well, what do you call me, then?” Chanhee said to Changhyun. “Dead weight?”

Changhyun raised his head to the ceiling, as if preparing himself for prayer. “We’re so going to lose.”

It was time to discuss strategy.

For Team L. Joe, the plan was to use their bodies to their advantage and take charge physically.

“We’re going to foul them every chance we get,” Niel said, something evil glittering in his eyes. “And I mean hard. Hit them hard.”

Byunghun shrugged. As long as he wasn’t the one getting beaten on this time, any plan was a good plan to him. “Doesn’t make a difference to me.”

But Niel was still muttering under his breath. “Gonna show them who’s the real handsome guy on this team.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Gonna teach them to grab my stuff and not return them after.” Daniel was still muttering. “What does he think I am, a baggage counter?”

“Did you guys have a fight again or something?”

“We’re going to foul them! Foul them hard!”

“Yeah, captain!” Jonghyun pumped a fist, always in the mood to defy or physically maim anyone older than him. He was thrilled Niel decided to push through with his earlier calls for bloodshed.

Byunghun rolled his eyes and started dribbling a ball. “Yeah, whatever.” He was secretly worried about Minsoo’s safety and Niel’s state of mind, but if this was all to stop Changhyun from admiring their leader even further and giving Minsoo an even bigger head than necessary… then Byunghun supposed he could let this casual violence slide.

And as long as he wasn’t going to be on the receiving ends of Jonghyun’s bloodthirsty state of everything, he decided he was going to be just fine with whatever the hell his team wanted to pull.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the court, the other team had also drawn up a strategy of their own. But because Minsoo had signed out of this game ten minutes ago and because Changhyun was still struggling to figure out the rules, only Chanhee knew about this strategy.

The strategy was this: open sabotage.

Chanhee looked at his team and saw no hope there. Minsoo was not going to help and Changhyun was going to be useless. At this point, only Chanhee was the team’s saving grace, but he would be caught dead before exerting any effort to raise the team’s standards on his own. He wasn’t going to win anyway, not with this team, so Chanhee decided that if they were going to lose, then they were going to lose in style. His style.

He caught Changhyun trying to dribble a ball and saw his chance. He walked over to the other boy and tapped his shoulder.

“I used to be a prodigy back at school,” he declared. “In fact, if I didn’t become an idol, I might have even qualified for the NBA.”

“Oh, really.” By his tone, it seemed even Changhyun had enough sense to know when he was being lied to. He made no effort to hide his disdain for this either.

“I hope you all realize how lucky you are I chose to sing for a living instead of this,” Chanhee plowed on, either ignoring the other boy’s unimpressed tone or not picking up on it altogether.

Behind them, Minsoo scoffed. “Yeah. Right.” He took a shot and watched the ball clang against the rim.

“Anyway,” Chanhee said, returning to Changhyun. “I can teach you. I can see you’re having a hard enough time on your own anyway. You’re in need of some professional guidance.”

“But you’re not a professional.”

“Do you want my help or not?”

Changhyun shrugged.

Chanhee took this as a sign of defeat and grinned. “Well, for starters,” he said. “You're supposed to shoot the ball here.” He pointed to their side of the court.

Changhyun scratched his head. "Here?" he said.

"Here," Chanhee said.

Confusion was slowly setting in once he’d seen Byunghun and Niel rough-housing on the other side of the court. This was the side Chanhee was very obviously not pointing to. “But if we’re supposed to shoot here, then why are they over there?”

Chanhee scoffed. “Because that's where they're supposed to shoot their ball, duh.”

“No.” Changhyun shook his head. “I mean… Don't they have to defend their goal from us, that's why they're there and not here?”

“Goal?” Chanhee laughed. “Goal? This is basketball, not football. Please concentrate.”

“Ah, you know what I was talking about.”

“That’s a basket. In basketball, we call it a basket. That’s why it’s called basketball. Seriously, don’t you know anything?”

Changhyun gave his senior a withering look. “I’m not totally stupid, you know,” he said. “I at least know that much.”

“Ha! You hear that, Minsoo? He says he isn’t stupid.”

“Leave me out of this,” Minsoo said, fully aware of the deception Chanhee was trying to set up. Despite this, he made no effort to involve himself in this scheme, even if their youngest member’s dignity was on the line.

He lazily chucked his ball towards the hoop, then glared at the hoop when the shot didn’t go in.

“You totally suck at shooting, you should stop.”

Minsoo walked over to his two teammates and smacked Changhyun’s head.

“What was that for!” he cried. “You know he said that, not me!”

“Whatever.” Minsoo trudged back to the free throw line to resume his battle with the basket.

“So not fair,” Changhyun whined, rubbing his head.

“There’s no referee anyway,” Niel said, rubbing his hip where Byunghun had kicked it earlier. “Who’s going to referee?”

“No one.” Jonghyun shook his head.

Niel grinned. “So, we foul them. Hard!”

“Yeah!”

Byunghun sighed. “Okay, so who’s going to pick on Minsoo?” Wasn’t this the whole point of the exercise anyway, to take Minsoo down so hard, that Changhyun would lose all sense of admiration in him?

“No one’s going to pick on him,” Jonghyun said. “Maybe if we leave him alone long enough, the ball might run out of air.”

All three of them turned to look at Minsoo still trying and failing to shoot his basketball.

“Well that settles that,” Niel said. “Byunghun, you can handle Changhyun. Jonghyun and I can take Chanhee.”

“Hey, are we even going to play seriously here?” Byunghun asked.

His two juniors shared a look, then turned back to him with a long-suffering gaze in their eyes.

“I hate to be the one to tell you this,” Niel said. “But I think you’re the only one here who’s taking this seriously.”

Jonghyun shook his head. “You’re always like this. You take everything so seriously all the time, then you get mad when we don’t. I don’t know why you keep doing this.”

“Yeah, do you want to play basketball professionally or something?”

“It’s not that,” Byunghun said. “It’s an honor thing, that’s all. And what about the original plan to save Changhyun?”

“Save? Who’s saving who?” Jonghyun retorted. “I’m just here to shoot people and play ball.”

Byunghun gave him a look. “I think you mixed up the order there.”

“Mixed up what? I know how to construct my sentences just fine on my own, thanks very much.”

“Bah, who cares about Changhyun now?” Niel said. “Besides, only crazy people’d still worship Minsoo after seeing the way he’s shooting that ball.”

The trio looked back at Minsoo and saw that he was still trying and failing to shoot his basketball.

Byunghun shrugged. “Well, I guess you’re right,” he conceded. “But that still doesn’t mean Jonghyun gets to hit people!”

“What are you so afraid of, I’m on your side, aren’t I?”

“I still don’t trust you!”

“Well, I don’t trust either of you, so take that!” Niel fired back, then looked so proud of himself for successfully involving himself in a heated argument again.

“Here’s another tip: if you want to go to the basket faster, you can dribble once, like this.” Chanhee bounced the ball against the floor, caught it with both hands, and stopped. “Stop here, then shoot it. It helps, if you don’t know if you’re going to shoot or not.”

Changhyun raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t that traveling?”

“Who doesn’t love to travel?” 

Changhyun rolled his eyes.

Truth be told, Minsoo no longer knew how much time they’d spent in this rented gym. It must have been quite a while, he figured, as it had been forever ago since he’d picked up this ball to shoot, and still, nothing was going through the stupid net. There was a basketball game of some kind that was supposed to have started a while ago, but because nobody called on Minsoo to join yet, he’d elected to continue his battle with the net in peace. He squatted down low on the free throw line, shutting out the ruckus completely. So what if his members were ripping each other to shreds? He’ll sink the damn basketball if it takes him all day. Being Teen Top’s leader meant he’d been able to develop the incredible trait to drown out all noise unrelated to him, and it was this ability he was practicing now. If only his basketball skills were just as polished as his willful ignorance.

Minsoo dribbled once. Bounced it again against the floor for good measure. Spun the ball in his hands and cocked his head.

So far, so good.

He stuck out his tongue and prepared to shoot the ball.

Lifted his arms above his head and released the ball.

His eyes widened in anticipation as he watched it sail slowly towards the basket. Then, they darkened in despair as he watched the ball sail over the backboard and out of bounds.

Minsoo put his hands on his hips and growled.

There was going to be hell to pay.

Now, they were discussing positions. Niel’s team had taken the liberty of also choosing the other team’s positions for them.

“Chanhee can be center, because it’s more fun that way,” Niel said.

“I want to be forward!” Jonghyun volunteered.

Niel nodded. “Okay, then I’ll be forward too.” He turned to their other member. “Byunghun, we’ll go easy on you – you’ll be point guard. That way, you can think of all the strategies and tell us what to do. Changhyun can be the other guard.”

“What about Minsoo?” Byunghun asked, against his better judgement.

“Minsoo?”

“Hmm.”

Jonghyun and Niel faced each other, both of them wearing matching devious smirks. “Waterboy.”

Chanhee clicked his tongue, looking mad at himself for finding their joke funny. “Not that I agree with you guys choosing my team’s positions for us, but I think we’re on the same page with Minsoo.”

“Who said this was your team anyway?” Changhyun said, barely flinching when a basketball nearly grazed his cheek on its way to Chanhee’s face.

Chanhee rolled his eyes, also barely flinching when the ball failed to go anywhere near his face entirely. “Hey, is there anything you can actually do?” he gloated, sneering at a very cross-looking Minsoo who was standing right behind Changhyun.

Minsoo stuck out his tongue to let Chanhee know exactly how he was feeling, before jogging over to his fallen ball to retrieve it.

As the group’s lazy afternoon wore on, it became clear that there was no game of any sort that would be happening that day. Instead of falling back on the rules of fair play, both teams had descended into unruly madness by going all-out in a brawl they’d all claim was friendly later on. But looking at the mess now, it was difficult to see which part of Byunghun and Changhyun taking turns slapping Niel, or Jonghyun’s stomping of Chanhee’s feet was supposed to be friendly.

A more rational mind would have called on their leader to sort out the mess, but Teen Top’s leader was embroiled in a battle of his own, and so, could not muster up the will to properly give a shit about what everyone else was up to.

Currently, this solitary battle was about to come to a close, even if it would take a while for the bigger fight on the rented court to wind down.

“Who cares about this anyway,” Minsoo muttered under his breath, putting his hands on his hips in a proud stance of surrender. His earlier will to make that one basket had all but evaporated, and he was ready to head home and call it a day. He huffed, made his way towards his rumbling members, and tossed the ball behind his head as he went.

But there was no clang and no extra bounce that followed his lazy toss, and that was enough to stop Minsoo in his tracks completely. He turned around just in time to see the ball slide smoothly through the net.

“Oh,” he said, his eyes going wide.

Behind him, his members continued to hit each other.

“Oh!” he said, getting excited now. He raised both fists in the air, briefly musing that this must be what it felt like to be champion. He looked around at his members and saw that no one else had witnessed his miracle shot.

But Minsoo was too high to care right now. He’d finally managed to sink the stupid shot and he'd beaten the stupid hoop. He could now face his mother with pride and go home a winner.

He walked over to his members with a happy grin on his face and shoved them all to the floor to celebrate, not really minding when they all ganged up to get him back for this afterwards.

Chapter Text

Growing up to become something of a minor celebrity wasn’t honestly that big a deal to Jonghyun, but he would admit that it still came as a shock, especially now that there were just five of them left. He was used to waiting and working hard for any promise of success, no matter how uncertain the prospect was. Being forced to grapple with such feelings was, after all, par for the course for anyone in the business, whether they were very successful at it or not.

And Choi Jonghyun, youngest member of boy band Teen Top, considered himself quite successful indeed. He had money now and he was being paid to do things he loved. And to top it off, he was doing it all with friends he could call brothers now, even if he would never say so to their faces.

But everything had gone by too fast for him and he couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that maybe they’d already peaked long ago, and that they were now in the downward stages of their careers, just biding the time they had left together until they called it a day. Jonghyun didn’t want to give up and he was nowhere near ready to call it a day, either. He understood his seniors – they were old, maybe they were tired of the life already. But Jonghyun, he still had a lot more to prove and a lot more he wanted to say, but the road behind him was looking a lot longer now than the road that lay ahead of him, and that was something that scared the shit out of him.

Jonghyun wasn’t done. But he was scared of the days that left him feeling closer to the tiredness than ever before, and even more scared of waking up with bones and joints that were more tired in the morning than they’d been the night before. He tried to console himself by making fun of Minsoo and his age, but that trick had been working less and less lately, and Jonghyun knew he’d have to square up and own up to the truth sooner or later. He just didn’t think he wanted to do any of that now. Not when there were still a lot of things he could preoccupy himself with, even if he knew all he was doing now was running away.

There were just five of Teen Top now, and they all looked a little weaker than before, but that didn’t mean they were dead yet. Still, Jonghyun couldn’t help but think that they were all probably just going through the motions until someone else was brave enough to say enough was enough and pack it up.

He doubted anyone’d ever get the courage to speak up like that anyway. Not after what happened with Byunghun and his messy exit.

Frankly, Jonghyun missed Byunghun. Reluctant as he was to admit it, Jonghyun had actually looked up to Byunghun early on in his career. He even grew to rely on the guy, even if their personalities didn’t always mesh so well. But now, he considered that maybe he had the right idea by leaving the team the way he did. Jonghyun had no way to confirm this, of course, but with Byunghun’s ugly departure still a little fresh in everyone’s minds, there was no way he could just talk about this to anyone else, either.

But he could throw out little hints, by saying things like how he’d started to miss his members, which didn’t really make any sense, because the other guys were still there with him, came when he asked them to (most of the time), and joked around like always when they found themselves together again.

It was all the other moments in between that bothered Jonghyun. They all had their distractions: Minsoo had become more interested in his video games, while Chanhee coped by going out more and drinking with anyone else who was available. Changhyun was dropping by the gym more often. And then, there was him and Niel, trying out new things together, like planning out that café, partly because any distraction then was a welcome one.

But distraction or not, it didn’t mean Jonghyun was able to completely take his eyes off the members. In fact, this new turn of events only made him warier than ever before – and yeah, okay, so maybe he was also a little jealous too. This was because he noticed that everyone else looked like they were adjusting to the change just fine. They lost a member they all grew up with, and Jonghyun knew how much it hurt them – but why did it seem like he was still stuck in the past, when everyone else was already beginning to make small steps forward?

Everything was going too fast for him. And yet, it still sometimes felt like time was at a standstill for him too. It was all very confusing, but Jonghyun didn’t have much time to think about these things any longer.

Changhyun’s shoes squeaked on the floor of their dance studio. This told Jonghyun his friend had just finished his set of warm-ups and was now gearing up to ask him where everyone else was.

Today, they were about to have their regular group practice, just one of many since they became five, and Jonghyun hated the fact that he was already starting to get used to the routine. He wasn’t particularly looking forward to going home so bone-tired by the end of it, either. Nobody was. After all, it wasn’t very exciting to put yourself through the exhaustion and hassle of having to re-learn old choreography with new formations.

That must have been why the rest of the members were running a little late today.

Just then, the door opened, and in strode Niel, who at least had the grace and politeness to look slightly embarrassed by being five minutes late. He raised a hand to them in greeting. “Yo,” he said, a grin on his face.

“What are those?” Changhyun shrieked upon seeing the drawings on Niel’s arms.

Niel was so taken aback by the outburst, that he nearly bolted out the door in shock. He calmed down when he saw that it was only Changhyun who’d done all the yelling. “What’s your problem?” he demanded, making his voice a little louder to disguise the fact that he’d nearly had a heart attack.

“What’s yours?!” Changhyun shot back. He remained glued to his spot on the floor, unwilling to move anywhere. He continued to stare at Niel in wonder. “What’s wrong with your arms?”

“What? Oh.” Niel glanced at his arms and shrugged, now a little sheepish. “I actually woke up with this, just today. I didn’t think anyone would notice.”

Jonghyun rolled his eyes.

“It’s a tattoo, you little freak, is this the first time you’ve seen something like this?”

“Shut up. Look, I know what they are. I just want to know why.”

Niel looked down at his arms again. “Why not?” he answered. “Anyway, what’s your problem? It’s not like you haven’t seen something like this before.”

Changhyun chewed the inside of his cheek. “It’s just…” he began. “It’s just, you said you weren’t getting any.”

“Eh. Times moves on. Things change. You know.” Niel shrugged again and gave a hopeful grin.

“Are you trying to be like Minsoo now or something?”

This time, it was Niel who rolled his eyes. “That guy has nothing to do with this. Besides, it was my own decision. It’s my body. I get to do whatever I want with it.”

Changhyun huffed and ran a hand through his hair, still obviously displeased and put-off by this. But he backed down, and Jonghyun suspected this was because Changhyun might have understood some of Niel’s logic, what with his recent obsession with the gym and all.

“Didn’t it hurt?” Jonghyun asked, wanting to dispel some of the awkwardness that had now settled between his friends.

Niel perked up instantly, grateful for the question. He un-crossed the arms he’d self-consciously brought against his chest. “Yeah, well,” he began. “I thought Minsoo was right about these being super painful, but they really aren’t. I mean, they were painful at first, but maybe that’s only because mine are still really little. Doesn’t matter, I’ll still show him what’s what later.”

Later happened sooner than any of them thought, because it was at this point Minsoo and Chanhee entered the dance studio together, both looking so unconcerned by being the last ones to arrive.

Chanhee took one look at Niel and nodded his approval.

Minsoo took one look at Niel and scowled. “Stop copping my style, you frog,” was what he said in greeting.

“Yesterday, I was a fish. Today, I have become a frog,” Niel said, rolling his eyes. “Make up your mind.”

Minsoo grinned and socked his shoulder.

Jonghyun sat unmoving, his back against the studio mirror and became lost in his thoughts again. Chanhee noticed this and walked over to squat on the floor in front of him. He put a finger to Jonghyun’s forehead and pushed against it gently. “What’s up?” he greeted.

Jonghyun snapped out of it and shook his head. “Nothing, nothing,” he said. “You guys are late.”

Chanhee snorted and sat on the floor. “Minsoo takes forever to get ready. But he still goes out in a t-shirt and pants and thinks that warrants me waiting for him for, like, an hour, or something.”

“You take two hours to get ready and you know it,” Jonghyun rebutted.

This brought a laugh out of Chanhee. “Yeah, but at least I don’t force him to wait for me to finish.”

“Yeah, well,” Jonghyun said, giving him a helpless shrug. “Things might change later on, who knows. Maybe you guys will start living together too before I know it.”

Chanhee furrowed his brows and stared even more intensely at him now. Jonghyun, to his credit, shuffled a little under this increased level of scrutiny.

“Are you okay?” Chanhee asked.

Jonghyun tried to give him his brightest smile, but failed. Realizing he’d be unable to come up with a proper lie to throw the other member off his tracks, he decided to give it to him straight instead. “Niel’s got tattoos now.”

“Well, sure, we all saw them.”

“He said he wasn’t going to get any. Before, I mean. He said he wasn’t going to get any before.”

Chanhee considered this for a moment. He shrugged. “Before was before. Now is now. It happens all the time. Besides, getting a tattoo’s a personal thing. He must have really wanted one, if he had it made.”

Jonghyun nodded, but he wasn’t immediately willing to let this go. He looked up to say more, but their instructor had already entered the studio, so he lifted himself off the floor instead. Chanhee followed suit and was already beginning his warm-ups on his own. Jonghyun rightly deduced their conversation was over for now, and he felt relieved to see it was so. He didn’t feel the immediate need to talk about this with anybody right now, especially since drinks weren’t involved yet.

Maybe next time.

Adjusting to the hole Byunghun left behind was not an easy thing – more than the dances they had to work around and the re-shuffled lines, it was clear something was missing in their team dynamics. But comeback season was on the horizon now, and everyone was determined to give their honest effort to see it through.

Making a new album without their second rapper still felt a bit weird, but it meant Jonghyun would start getting more bits to rap, so it’d worked out fairly well for most of them. Meanwhile, Changhyun was thrilled that he was going to start getting even more lines this comeback, even if he was still so scared by this change in events.

Changhyun had been happy, of course – it was obvious enough to anyone who knew him well – but he hadn’t realized they’d divided all their songs so thoroughly. Now that he was getting a huge chunk of the lines all to himself, he couldn’t help but be a little daunted by the prospect. And he’d still be relied on to be the team’s best dancer, on top of all this. Changhyun knew pressure, but this was a different thing altogether. All those years of training had helped him overcome moments like these, but with everything else that had happened so far, the pressure had somehow doubled and things were now starting to bear down on the guy.

Perhaps that was why he’d hit the gym recently, armed with a fresh determination to prove that Jonghyun was not the only man on this team who could have muscles.

“Oh hey, Minsoo has muscles too,” Niel said.

“Yeah, you just can’t see them,” Minsoo agreed.

“True muscles are the ones you don’t need to flex every day.”

“I’m not so insecure that I have to keep flexing these babies.” Minsoo lifted up his shirt to demonstrate. “That’s why I don’t flex them. Because I know they’re there and that they’ll never leave me no matter what I do.”

Jonghyun roared in laughter, but Chanhee was less impressed and threw an empty plastic cup his way. “Will you cover that shit up before someone walks in on us and think you’re our leader?” he snarled.

“You’re just jealous.”

Meanwhile, Changhyun paid them all no mind, now fully concentrated on lifting his dumbbells.

“What’s up with you?” Jonghyun asked. All around him, everything he once considered safe and familiar began to change immediately before his eyes. And with Niel’s recent tattoos still a fresh memory in his mind, it was as if the transformation series had taken place all at once, leaving Jonghyun horribly frustrated and angered by the sudden enlargement of Changhyun’s pecs.

Changhyun looked up at him and caught the intense, brooding expression on Jonghyun’s features. He decided to provoke the storm head-on, so that it might leave his friend alone. “What’s up with you?” he repeated.

But Jonghyun frowned and refused to budge.

Changhyun put down his dumbbells and was now beginning to look concerned, much to Jonghyun’s horror. “No, really, what’s up?”

But Jonghyun shook his head and chose to take on his inner storm himself.

Changhyun shrugged and looked just the slightest bit unnerved before moving on. He knew some things about being left alone to be with your own problems. “Suit yourself,” he said, then picked up his dumbbells again to resume his warm-ups.

Jonghyun didn’t know how to feel, didn’t know if he should be disappointed or relieved to see Changhyun drop the conversation.

But he wished he could have complimented Changhyun’s body when he had the chance.

Today, Jonghyun was hanging out at Minsoo’s place, having been dragged there by Chanhee. The older singer had made the usual complaints about refusing to be anywhere alone with Minsoo, but they no longer had the heat or disgust of before. Jonghyun considered this a good change. It would be bad if this was one of those things Chanhee didn’t want to outgrow.

“Food’s here,” Minsoo announced, bringing a tray over to his visitors.

Chanhee took one look at the tray and groaned. “Not this again,” he said.

“What? What is it?” Jonghyun asked, rubbing his hands. He hadn’t noticed how hungry he was until now.

Minsoo smiled a great smile at them all. “Ramen,” he said, proudly unveiling his work with a flourish.

“Again?” Jonghyun pouted. “But you –” Minsoo hit him before he could say any more.

Getting smacked on the head was normal too. It was how Minsoo greeted people he especially loved and Jonghyun was happy to see they were still the same as before, despite all the changes. 

But he hadn’t come here to revel in his relationship with Minsoo. Jonghyun was here, because he felt a desperate need to find a way back to the familiar. In between Niel’s tattoos and Changhyun’s blossoming masculinity, it seemed he’d run out of safe things to cling on to in this rapidly-changing world.

It was no surprise then, that he elected to seek counsel from Minsoo. And perhaps, Chanhee too, but that was really only because it so happened Chanhee was right there in the room with them.

It helped to have two of his older friends with him here, but it was really Minsoo Jonghyun had been looking forward to staying with. Minsoo, whom he’d unexpectedly gotten really close with over the years. It must have been because of the rap crash course Jonghyun had to take with him when Byunghun left.

But Minsoo was here and he and Jonghyun were very close now. Good, steady, reliable Minsoo. If there was anybody on this team who wouldn’t just give in to sudden changes, it was this guy. He was useless a good deal of the time, but when push came to shove, then came to a near tumble off a high cliff, Minsoo could find it within himself to become surprisingly dependable. One could always trust him to come through in a pinch, but this was only when absolutely all other options had been exhausted and there was virtually no other way left.

So Jonghyun did his best to make himself at home with Minsoo and his basic ramen and his comforting apartment. It was, after all, a place that had become something like a third home for the rest of the members, even if anyone – including Minsoo – was barely in it most of the time.

By the time their usual catch-ups and joke trade-offs were done, Jonghyun steeled himself to discuss more serious matters with his leader. He took several moments to do this – after all, he would end up divulging things he couldn’t really tell the others, not even Changhyun or Niel. He needed a level-headed approach to this, and who better to talk to than Minsoo himself? And Chanhee was here too, as a nice bonus, so it all lightened Jonghyun’s mood considerably.

By the time Jonghyun looked back up to officially broadcast his heart’s worries, he didn’t expect to be greeted by such a radiant smile.

Jonghyun gaped at Minsoo, utterly flabbergasted. “What’s wrong with you?” he asked.

Minsoo shrugged. “You want a coffee?” he said, an extra hop in his voice, as if he’d detected the incoming seriousness of this moment and wanted to chase it away with all the cheeriness he could muster.

Chanhee was giving Jonghyun one of his intense side-eyes again, but he scoffed and scarfed down more ramen. “He already has that café thing with Niel,” he said. “He doesn’t need your piss coffee.”

“Wasn’t asking you,” Minsoo muttered and moved some things around, making sure to try and knock his cigarette case away from Jonghyun’s line of sight.

“Not you too!” Jonghyun all but wailed.

Minsoo gave up trying to hide his cigarettes. “Huh?”

“This is all wrong!”

“Huh?”

“You’re not supposed to offer me coffee! You’re supposed to say get out, like you always do! I’m overstaying my welcome now, aren’t I? I was counting on you!”

“… You didn’t want to come here?”

“Some leader you are! I thought you’d understand, of all people!”

Jonghyun looked very much like he was about to burst into tears right there on the spot, while Minsoo was also looking like he would cry along with him.

“Are you even okay?” Jonghyun said, when he couldn’t take the silence any longer.

Minsoo’s face broke into a grin. “I’m so glad you asked!” he said.

The sight of Minsoo giving his smiles away so generously was enough to send Jonghyun into another panic. “What’s wrong with you?” he asked again, regretting his sharp tone as soon as it came out.

His angry panic was not enough to dissuade Minsoo. “Nothing!” He wouldn’t stop smiling either. “But thanks for asking!”

Jonghyun was struck dumb and he went still, unwilling to believe the wanton positivity flowing out of his leader. “You were supposed to be normal!”

Now he had Minsoo’s attention. “Huh?” came his intelligent reply.

“You… you’re happy!”

“… Yes?”

“You’re not supposed to be!”

“I’m not?”

“No!” Jonghyun continued to vent. “Niel’s not supposed to have tattoos. Changhyun’s not supposed to be so big. You’re not supposed to be happy!”

A fragile silence fell upon the pair.

Chanhee took this as his cue to intervene.

He slurped the last of his ramen and set aside his chopsticks so he could properly face Jonghyun. “You’re freaking out,” he said, with all the wisdom and knowledge of someone who had known him for six years. “Stop freaking out.”

“Who’s freaking out?” was Jonghyun’s intelligent reply. “I’m not freaking out.”

“Yes, you are. You have been for a while now.” Chanhee grabbed his shoulders. “Is everything okay?”

Jonghyun, unsure of what to say then, released a sigh and was surprised that it came out much heavier than he’d expected. He shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. “It’s just…” he said. Across him, his other two members were giving him such patient looks, waiting quietly for him to continue. Minsoo had stopped smiling, but he’d started looking just as intense as Chanhee did, like he was ready to stay there all night if it meant getting to the bottom of this. Jonghyun liked that look on him, so much that it gave him enough courage to plow on. “It’s just, everything’s so… so different. But it’s still the same, a little. I mean, I still feel the same sometimes. But everything’s gotten so different. Like, look at you guys, you’re all acting a little different too. Not like me. I’m still the same.”

Minsoo snorted. “No way you’re not the same, kid,” he said. “You’ve been like this for a while. You didn’t think we’d notice?”

Chanhee shook his head. “Nobody’s different from before, Jonghyun.” He took his hands off Jonghyun’s shoulders and settled down more comfortably in front of him. “We’re still here. Well, we’re not all here, obviously. But we’re still here.”

“Sometimes, I think you’ll all just leave. Sometimes, I think I’m the only one still taking this seriously. Sometimes, I think he might have had the right idea for leaving. I think of so many things sometimes, it’s like I can’t turn any of them off, they just show up and they’re there and I don’t know how to get rid of any of it.”

“Sounds to me like you should stop thinking for a while.”

Chanhee elbowed Minsoo’s chest.

Minsoo, as if sensing the solemnity of the moment, made the conscious decision to let this slide.

Jonghyun continued. "I don't know how I can fix it and I'm really sorry I haven't so far, but I promise I'll try and find a way. If it'll mean helping the team move forward, I'll do it."

Chanhee snorted. "Who says you have to do any fixing?" he said. "Maybe consider not fixing it. How does that sound?"

Jonghyun looked up at him, surprise etched all over his face. He hadn't honestly considered this was even an option before, and he told Chanhee so.

This was where Minsoo jumped back into the conversation. "Well, sometimes, I try not to fix things, either. Sometimes, I let them be and let them slide. You know?" He shrugged. "Gives me less of a headache that way."

"But if I'm still going to keep thinking like this, wouldn't that be bad?"

"They're coming from you, aren't they?" Chanhee asked. "Your thoughts, I mean. They're all coming from you." He waited for Jonghyun to nod before continuing. "Then they can't be all bad," he concluded. "I know you and I know most of what you're thinking, so that means your thoughts can't be all bad. So I say keep thinking them anyway. That's fine by me. But it'd help if you didn't keep them locked up in your head forever."

Jonghyun nodded his head slowly, taking in this piece of advice as carefully as he could.

"You know, maybe you're not the only one feeling this way too," Chanhee continued. "That's why I think you should just... just keep thinking. Then, start talking. To us, you know. We won't judge you or anything, so if all you need is someone to listen, we're always here. You can always talk to us. We could actually solve a lot of things if we just talked about our damn problems."

Minsoo snorted. "So you are telling him to fix it," he said. "Make up your mind."

Chanhee punched Minsoo in the shoulder. "Okay, I apologize," he said to Jonghyun. "Don't try to fix them on your own, is what I mean. Let us in sometimes, Jonghyunnie." He paused and glanced sideways at Minsoo. "Well, I'd understand if you didn't want to talk to him, he's useless. But you know what I mean."

Minsoo pouted and jabbed a thumb at his own chest. "Hey, I can listen too," he said. Then, to Jonghyun, he added, "You can talk to me too. But do that only after you've talked to everyone else. I hate to say it, but Chanhee's right, they're going to be more useful at this sort of thing than I am anyway."

This admission of fault was something so normal and welcome, it brought a hearty laugh out of Jonghyun. "No, you're okay," he said. "I'm sorry I got mad that you were so happy."

Minsoo waved a hand. "Don't mind it, stupid," he said. "It's nothing, it's fine."

Jonghyun looked at his seniors and was filled then with overwhelming love and affection for the both of them. He imagined Niel and Changhyun sitting there with them too, and he let the love and affection wash over them too. He tried to fit Byunghun somewhere into the picture too, but the image was just a little hazy and fuzzy, making Jonghyun think that now probably wasn't the time just yet.

And so, because Chanhee had told him to, Jonghyun cleared his thoughts and prepared to voice out even more of his innermost thoughts. "You guys are the best," he confessed. "Really. I'm really glad I know you. I love you."

"Ew, stop," Minsoo said.

"I want you to know this," Jonghyun continued. "I also want you to know we should all go out for drinks right now. I'm thinking about drinking tonight. Call Niel and Changhyunnie too, they should come too."

"Now you're talking," Minsoo said.

"Thanks," Jonghyun said, making sure to look directly in Chanhee's eyes this time. He swiped a finger under his nose shyly and ducked his head.

Chanhee grinned and rubbed his hair with such fondness, it almost made Jonghyun tear up. "That's right," Chanhee said, now approving of this open show of emotions. And so, sticking to his earlier words of advice, he turned to face Minsoo so that he, too, could tell him what was inside his heart. "You're paying, you useless leader. That's the least you could do for our youngest."

Minsoo protested loudly, but because he was a man who expressed more with his actions than his words, he elected to punch Chanhee, square in the chest, to drive his point home. Meanwhile, Jonghyun had started punching Niel and Changhyun's numbers into his phone, not really noticing that the ugly thoughts swirling around his head had stopped just then.

He would start thinking these things again, of course. But he'd learned to quit storing them up inside himself and start letting them out instead, allowing his members and his other loved ones to take on the darkness together with him.

It was another thing that was starting to change for him, but Jonghyun found he rather liked things this way. He hoped it would be something that would stick around for a longer time to come.

Chapter Text

When the derogatory nickname began to make the rounds on the internet, Niel knew it was a matter of time before the rest of the members got wind of it too and gave him hell for it. He was only partially right, in that the teasing only became more merciless the more he fought back. So, he took a backseat to this one, allowing them to make utter fools of themselves, if only to help them defend their personal dignities.

“From now on,” Chanhee announced, “we all cease to be individuals, and shall henceforth be known as Boys.”

He paused, waiting for Byunghun to explain to the other kids what the word ‘henceforth’ meant.

“You will be Boy Number One,” he continued, pointing to Minsoo. “I’ll be Boy Number Two, and so on, until Boy Number Five – that’s you, Jonghyun.”

They nodded sagely, reveling in their new nicknames.

Niel huffed from his place on the floor.

Chanhee heard this and addressed him. “Niel,” he said. “Seeing as you’re the only one Angel will recognize and remember, you’re just going to be known as Niel. You don’t get to be a Boy like the rest of us, I’m sorry.”

He crossed his arms. “I still don’t see the point of this,” he said miserably. “If you guys want to make yourselves look stupid, then I don’t want to get involved.”

Changhyun snorted and shook his head. “Too late,” he said. “You’re going to be our new leader now, I think. Because they only know one name and it’s yours. You can’t back out now.” Then, he slid behind Byunghun immediately, terrified of the death glare Minsoo was now giving him.

“Look, it’s just a stupid nickname.”

“Then how come they only know yours?” Chanhee challenged. “’Niel and the Boys,’” he said, adding in the necessary air quotes with his fingers. “Maybe we should change our name to that instead.”

“Teen Niel,” Changhyun suggested.

“Niel’s Teens?” Byunghun added.

“Niel and the Boys,” Jonghyun said, nodding his head in finality.

“Don’t feel bad about it, Niel.” Chanhee put a hand on his shoulder. “I think it isn’t really a bad thing, being the only one the fans know.”

“But you guys work just as hard too!” Niel said. “Where’s your nicknames?”

“I have a nickname,” Minsoo said. “It’s C.A.P.”

Everyone stared at him for a moment before rolling their eyes. Minsoo’s expectant smile slid off his face rather quickly. “That was a joke,” he muttered dejectedly, punching Changhyun’s arm to get over the embarrassment.

“Ow!” he whined, rubbing his arm. He glared at Niel. “See what you did! You’re making us turn on each other!”

“You’re causing discord in the team!” Chanhee added.

“Guys, please, this isn’t a really big deal,” Niel said. “If we just ignore the nickname and move on, maybe they’ll forget all about it.”

But Chanhee was shaking his head. “But this is the internet,” he said, in the tones of a teacher who was announcing the class’ bad grades. “The internet never forgets.”

Byunghun thought about all of his pre-debut pictures floating around in the unforgiving circuits of cyberspace and shuddered. He nodded at Niel, confirming Chanhee’s ominous declaration.

“Can I be Dancing Boy?”

“No, you’re Boy Number Five.”

“Why can’t I be Dancing Boy?”

“You don’t get it, Jonghyunnie,” Chanhee said. “Ever since we all got demoted to mere Boys, we lost all of our talents along with it. We’re all just background singers and dancers to Niel, as far as the fans are concerned.”

Jonghyun pondered this carefully. “But that means I can still be Dancing Boy, Changjo.”

“No, that means you’re Dancing Boy Number Five.”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“That’s the point, okay? This isn’t supposed to be fun. Our individual pride is on the line here!”

Jonghyun pouted. “I like being Dancing Boy.”

“I like you as Dancing Boy too!” Niel continued to protest. “It’s just a stupid nickname. We can tell Angel to drop it if it makes you that mad!”

Chanhee faked a dramatic gasp. “You mean you actually want to tell our fans what to do?” He shook his head. “Half of them are old enough to be Changhyunnie’s mom!”

“Hey!”

Minsoo raised a hand tentatively.

Everyone looked at him expectantly.

“Um.” He cleared his throat, now uneasy with this undivided attention. “I’m still leader here, right?”

Chanhee looked at Niel.

“What are you looking at me for!”

“Boy Number One asked you a question.”

“I don’t care!”

Minsoo took this as a yes and plodded on. “Then if I’m still leader here, I declare this conversation closed. Niel’s the only named member here and that’s final.” He rolled his eyes at Niel’s shocked expression. “Geez, like I really care, I just want to go to sleep. Let’s go to sleep now, okay?”

And without waiting for anyone else to answer after him, Minsoo stood up and trudged back to the couch to take his fifth nap of the morning.

With their First Boy now out of the picture, Chanhee took it upon himself to step up and take charge. “All Boys in favor?”

“I –”

“Niel, you’re not a Boy, how many times do I have to tell you?”

“But –”

“Well, with all Boys in favor, then I say we follow Boy Number One and close the meeting. Adjourned!”

The next day proved to be a glorious one for Niel. He didn’t care if nobody else felt the same.

Minsoo frowned and put down his phone. “Well, that settles it,” he said. He turned to Changhyun and clapped his shoulder. “Congratulations. You’ve just been promoted to Boy Number Three.”

“Wow!” Changhyun clapped his hands. “Does this mean Jonghyun gets promoted too?”

“Oh, yeah. Congratulations, kid, you’ve been promoted.”

“That’s awesome!” Changhyun clapped his hands again. “Jonghyunnie, we’ve been promoted!”

Jonghyun grumbled. “I’m still the Last Boy.”

“We’re arranged by age, kid. Get used to it,” Minsoo growled. “Now, if the majesties are finished eating, then maybe we can all get a move on?”

“So, how’s it feel like to no longer be a Boy?” Niel asked, putting a fist to Byunghun’s face and miming an entertainment show MC.

Byunghun gave Niel a panicked look and tried to call Chanhee for help with his eyes. But Chanhee, apparently sore at still being Boy Number Two, turned away from the imaginary interview with a huff.

“Um,” Byunghun stammered. “I’m still not very sure.”

“Ah, to achieve fame so quickly!” Niel fawned. “That’s cool, humility’s a good look on you.”

Byunghun shrugged helplessly, trying his hardest to communicate his unease with this sudden recognition to Chanhee.

Chanhee was still not looking at him, however, and had instead, elected to bother the two youngest members. Neither of them really minded, to be honest, now that they’d been promoted and all.

“I wish I was still a Boy.” Byunghun sighed.

Niel shook his head in sympathy. “Fame changes a person,” he agreed. “But hey, Niel and L. Joe, we make a pretty good team, huh?”

Byunghun shrugged again, not really feeling this new sudden spike of fame.

“I still wish I was still a Boy.”

It turned out this new surge of fame among the Teen Top members didn’t stop with Niel and Byunghun, much to the joy of Niel and Byunghun.

“What did I tell you,” Chanhee gloated to everyone else. He placed his arms around Niel and Byunghun in a burst of pride and affection for them both. “I told you all, but did you listen? No, you did not. You lot doubted me and now look at how Angel repays this distrust.”

Minsoo frowned and put down his phone. He was starting to get tired of being the reader of bad news for his team. “What the hell?” he said, still not getting over his disbelief. “There are six of us here and it’s you three the fans actually know? These popularity contests must be rigged or something.”

“How dare you accuse Angel of cheating,” Chanhee accused.

“So, how’s it feel like to no longer be a Boy?” Niel asked, repeating yesterday’s imaginary broadcast. He put a fist to Chanhee’s nostrils, miming an entertainment show MC.

Chanhee cleared his throat and winked at their imaginary camera. Unlike Byunghun yesterday, Chanee was determined to ham it up and make the most out of his imaginary screentime. “It feels great! I can’t wait to show the country what Teen Top’s Chanhee is really capable of!”

“Teen Top’s Chanhee is super capable of making his nostrils super huge!” Minsoo said, miming a concert heckler.

Chanhee threw a shoe at him to shut him up. “Shut up,” he told Minsoo. “Boys don’t get to have a say in my business.”

“Boo,” Changhyun and Jonghyun said, immediately backing up their leader.

“You Boys are just jealous,” Chanhee said and crossed his arms in a huff. “It’s not my fault Niel, L. Joe, and Chunji are super popular and the rest of you aren’t.”

“I don’t care,” Jonghyun said and turned to Changhyun, eyes shining with hope. “Look, maybe this means we’ll be getting promoted again.”

Changhyun pouted. “What’s the use of getting promoted if there’s just three of us in the team?” he sulked.

Jonghyun considered this. “You’re right,” he said, then joined Changhyun to sulk.

“I think it’s time I properly asserted myself now,” Chanhee said to his fellow named members. “Now that Angel knows us, we’ve become much more powerful than before. Now, all we have to do is how to harness our new powers properly. He winked at them. “Here, watch. Hey, Bang Minsoo!”

Minsoo grunted and came over to the table. “What.”

“Yeah, Boy Number One.” Chanhee grinned and tossed his jacket to him. “Put this in the laundry, will you?”

Minsoo scowled down at the jacket in his hands. “You serious?” He tossed it back at Chanhee’s face. “Do it yourself.”

“Hey, wait!”

But Minsoo had already walked out of the room.

Chanhee turned back to Niel and Byunghun, a crestfallen look on his face. “I guess stardom isn’t all it’s cracked up to be,” he sulked, now sporting the same look as Changhyun and Jonghyun.

Weeks had passed since Niel, Byunghun, and Chanhee regained the power of their stage names, leaving most of the remaining Boys to continue to peruse the internet with the hope of seeing Angel recognize their talents also. But no such thing had happened, thus leaving Changhyun and Jonghyun with mixed feelings of disappointment and hurt. The only reason Minsoo had given up on this useless activity altogether was because he’d deemed it all to be a waste of time and effort.

Besides, he’d reasoned, the bosses still recognized him as Teen Top’s leader and so, as long as they were still calling him to the office for meetings and other important things, then he didn’t really care if everyone else addressed him as Boy Number One.

“Hey, Boy Number One! I’m talking to you!”

“Fuck off!”

But for some reason, Minsoo never failed to flip his shit if Chanhee was the one doing the addressing.

Meanwhile, Niel, who had been expected to milk the joke on Minsoo for as long as it took, had been focusing his efforts on lifting the spirits of their sullen youngest members instead.

“Look, you’re all better at things than I am, okay?” Niel said, a little desperate now. “Like… Jonghyun, you’re better at dancing than I am. And Changhyun… Changhyun, you’re a real hard worker!”

“I’m cuter.”

“No, you’re not.”

Changhyun tried again. “I’m cuter.”

“Okay, fine.”

Changhyun beamed at them all, immensely pleased that his tactic had worked. Beside him, Byunghun rolled his eyes, but decided to give this victory to the kid.

“Listen, we’re all Teen Top, aren’t we?” Niel said. “It shouldn’t matter if the fans know only a few of us right now. What matters is that they get to know all of us in the end! Besides, we can’t dance properly if there’s only three or five of us. We’re six for a reason!”

Byunghun felt his heart lift momentarily thanks to Niel’s motivational speech, but he also started to wonder where their actual leader was and why he had nothing to say about this.

“I said, hey! Boy Number One!”

“And I said fuck off!”

Oh, right. Chanhee still wasn’t finished bothering Minsoo, it looked like. Byunghun looked back at the others in time to hear their youngest members’ reactions to Niel’s inspiring words.

“Well, I guess you’re right,” Changhyun said. “As long as Niel agrees I’m the cutest guy here.”

“I said no such thing, you brat.”

“You said I was cuter than you!”

“That doesn’t mean you’re the cutest here! Wait ‘till Chanhee hears about this!”

“… I still want to be Dancing Boy,” Jonghyun said. “Can I please just continue to be Dancing Boy Changjo? Well, you wouldn’t even have to call me Changjo, just Dancing Boy would be good, I think.”

Byunghun snorted. “I don’t even know who started this anyway,” he said. “We’re all in the same group. “Just because some stupid online comment called us that stupid nickname, doesn’t mean we have to believe it.”

“Yeah, look what we’re letting that comment do to us!” Niel said. “We’re gonna fall to our ruin before we know it.”

“Oh, that doesn’t sound so bad,” Changhyun said. “I mean, it’d be great if we fall to our ruin as long as only you three are known by the fans. Meanwhile, Jonghyun and Minsoo and I can recover our careers and start over.”

“Whose side are you on anyway?” Niel demanded.

“Besides, ever since this whole thing started, you’ve done nothing but ignore us since Angel promoted you from Boy status,” Jonghyun accused, pointing a finger at Byunghun.

“Watch where you’re pointing that finger, brat,” Byunghun said, knocking the finger away. “And I’ve been trying to ignore all of you way before this Boy business. Get your facts straight.”

Changhyun and Niel stopped their argument to gasp in collective shock at Byunghun’s attitude.

“Joke’s on you, we’ve been trying to ignore you since you were born,” Niel retorted.

“That doesn’t even make any sense!”

“Your face doesn’t make any sense!” Chanhee said from across the room, but before anyone could properly react to this, they realized he’d directed the insult to Minsoo.

Minsoo retaliated by chucking a pillow at Chanhee. He’d originally been planning to sleep with it, but now that the quality of his face was called into question, he decided certain sacrifices must be made in order to preserve the integrity of his good looks.

Chanhee looked to his other comrades-in-arms for some help. “This Boy is attacking me!” he told them. “Help me!”

Niel and Byunghun gave him the most indifferent stares they could manage.

Minsoo continued to intensify his attacks.

Changhyun and Jonghyun decided they weren’t going to let the stupid business of nicknames bring them down anymore, simply because spending more time to worry about this meant less time devoted to thinking up schemes to mess with their elders.

“You know what, that’s it, Jonghyun and I don’t care if we’re Boys anymore.”

“Yeah, we’ve both decided to be Girls now, we don’t care if you guys wanna stop us or not.”

“Wait, I didn’t say I wanted to be a Girl.”

“Well, it’s either that or you’re back to being a Boy. What do you want?”

“But why do I have to be the Girl?”

“I’m going to be a Girl too, stop whining.”

Meanwhile, Minsoo had since stopped pummeling Chanhee with his pillows, so he could properly chortle at them. “Hey, ladies!” he called out. He’d always wanted to say that to his team as their leader. “Hey, ladies.” He laughed even harder at himself for drawing the word out far longer than necessary.

Chanhee took advantage of Minsoo’s distraction and hit him back with Niel’s football.

Minsoo yelled in pain and charged towards the ball’s rightful owner to take revenge for the undue damage to his liver.

“What are you running at me for?!” Niel said and immediately ducked behind Byunghun to save himself.

And before Byunghun could really register what was happening, he was already on the floor with Niel, suffering from their loving leader’s love shots.

Not for the first time that month, Byunghun found himself wishing he’d just remained a Boy like the others.

Finally, exactly a day after this legendary argument in Teen Top’s dorm, it reached the group’s attention that Angel had finally wised up to the facts and realized who their real talented member was.

“Ricky!” Changhyun crowed, so very triumphant with the news that broke out. “Angel loves Ricky now, it’s official. I told you I was the cutest guy around, didn’t I?” He directed this last bit to Niel, but because Niel didn’t want to give Changhyun the satisfaction of this win, he turned away to ignore him instead.

Minsoo nodded at Jonghyun and clapped a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. “Hey, Boy Number Two,” he greeted. “What’s up?”

But Jonghyun shrugged the hand off. “Don’t talk to me, you filthy Boy. From now on, you have to address me as Dancing Boy Changjo.”

“What happened to Girl Number Two?” Byunghun asked.

“Forget it, if I have to share such an unremarkable nickname with our leader, then I’d rather risk being Dancing Boy Changjo instead. It’s in my veins. Dancing is my life. Without it, I am nothing.”

“That’s the cheesiest, stupidest shit I ever –”

Chanhee was unable to finish the rest of his sentence, not after Minsoo had socked him clean in the arm. Not that anyone else minded, but Chanhee still made sure to sulk about this in public as dramatically as he could, muttering all the while about “stupid Boys” and their “filthy hands they couldn’t keep off me for five minutes.”

Meanwhile, Niel was just happy that this whole nonsense was over and done with.

At least, he thought this whole nonsense was over and done with until Teen Top’s next public performance that month, where Niel would end up getting the loudest cheers and fanchants from the crowd.

Chapter Text

Perhaps his first real clue that things were no longer the same between them – would never really be the same, not anymore – was when he heard their reactions to his paintings. 

They’d each said it differently but what it all came down to was that they all thought his art was “pretty.” Just that, no more and no less. Something halfway between – 

“I knew you had it in you all along, hyung!” (Changhyun)

– and –

“You get up to some pretty weird things, huh?” (Jonghyun)

– with a little extra helping of – 

“Well, it’s better than your music.” (Chanhee, the little shit)

But of all the things his members had told him, it was Niel’s comment that put him truly at ease, only because he felt it was the most honest one: “Please don’t make me pay for it,” which came immediately after he was forced to pick a favorite. 

It made Minsoo laugh out loud at the time. Of course he forced Niel to buy it anyway, just to be petty. 

But that was it. 

Had he been expecting… more?

Comments from his family didn’t count because – well, they were family. They were supposed to tell him they thought his paintings looked nice. Maybe he should have expected the same from his members?

But they’d been honest anyway, hadn’t they? He was grateful for their reactions, of course. They didn’t have to comment on his art but they did anyway, and he appreciated the input whether they did it out of a sense of loyalty to him or not. 

And yet… a small part of him couldn’t help feeling irritated – resentful, even – because their reactions had been so lukewarm. It wasn’t good that he felt this at all and so he took a step back to collect himself again. Took a step back to think and realize… 

“Ah, I’m getting old, aren’t I?”

A declaration made out loud to his room, his canvas, and his dogs. 

Bangja barked once and laid back down on the floor. Minsoo scoffed, picked up his brush, and started to paint.

“You’ve been eating a lot more lately!” his sister told him one morning, sounding proud. “Look at you not being so picky about your food anymore – and you know how to cook, too! You’re going to make some lucky woman very happy one day.”

A direct contrast to Jonghyun’s jibes about his growing belly. “Just pops out like wow! I mean it, hyung. That’s seriously impressive.” 

“Whatever, I like him better this way,” Changhyun asserted and wrapped his arms tight around Minsoo to prove his point. 

Minsoo secretly liked getting hugs from Changhyun, but there was no way in the world he was going to admit that out loud. “Changhyun wants me to get diabetes and die,” he whined, but didn’t make a move to shake away from his grip. “What kind of members are you, treating your leader like this?”

And so the cracks about his weight would continue and maybe Minsoo told himself he wasn’t affected by them but sometimes, after washing up in the restroom, he’d look at himself in the mirror and pinch his belly fat. Sometimes he’d seriously think about working out. Sometimes he would actually follow through with it. 

Most of the time though, he just looked at himself and thought.

Should he be concerned that he wasn’t losing his mind over his weight gain? 

He looked very different now from before, this was true. Gone were the days when he could still believe that he looked good enough to fight for visual rights in the group. 

But looking at himself in the mirror… was it bad that he just didn’t care about this at all? And anyway, why lose hairs over a belly that was destined to grow big when he had bigger issues to worry about like his painful foot? 

His foot, his gout. His members all knew about it, but not how bad it was starting to get. Why should they know? Why should they know about it and be burdened with having to think about his lame foot every time they had to perform in public?

Because that was what he wanted, right? To perform again? They’d talked about this but only in passing, like they’d all assumed that it was something they still wanted to do. 

At the time, Minsoo had mindlessly agreed with them because maybe deep down, it might have been something he wanted to still do, too. Now, he thinks it might have been him clinging to what was familiar and sure for him. It was definitely him worrying about bringing the vibes down when he was supposed to be doing something more responsible for them. 

So maybe he wasn’t that worried about becoming so big. 

It was a minor issue. Nothing to be scared of. He could handle it just fine. 

Minsoo looked up at the mirror to look at himself. He wasn’t in his bathroom anymore. He was back at the studio with his team, running out of breath now after forcing his legs to re-learn choreography he hadn’t danced in months. He was hunched over and bent at the waist, hands heavy on his knees as he raced to get his heart to beat normally again. 

His foot was throbbing and he felt like lying back down on the floor again but they were due to do the whole thing over again in three minutes and everyone was working so hard and he didn’t want to be the reason they’d stay late at the studio today… 

“Woah, hyung! You doing okay there?” Niel bounded over, eyes big and wide with concern. 

Minsoo wanted to wave him off. Ended up shoving him away instead because he was too tired to do anything else anymore. “Fine,” he wheezed. And then because he couldn’t help it: “Besides, it wasn’t me who messed up the choreo this time.”

“Oh my god,” Changhyun whined from even further away, turning beet red from the embarrassment. 

Niel turned away to point a taunting finger at Changhyun. Minsoo heaved again, relieved he’d been able to distract them all away from him in time. 

A minor issue. That’s all. Nothing to be scared of. 

He was going to handle this just fine. 

Chanhee’s first texts came during his stint in the military, back when he was still terrified of being the first of them all to break free and do something on his own. What started as a harmless little “you’d better keep in touch or I’ll kill you” type of thing had now evolved into a constant stream of messages between them both. It didn’t matter if Minsoo barely replied to a lot of anything these days, now that they’d resumed their lives as ordinary civilians. Chanhee kept texting him anyway. 

The military break had been good to Minsoo. He remembered being excited about getting his turn to serve and then feeling a little guilty about it afterwards, like maybe he shouldn’t have been so happy about going away for almost two years. 

Still, he enjoyed as much of the new scenery as he could and tried to get the most out of his new routine. It was a welcome break in a pace he’d become too comfortable with and anyway, it was nice having to do things without any expectations for once. He loved serving in the military. Loved learning the value of hard work all over again and reaping the real, tangible rewards for your effort.

And then his time was up and after that, it was back to his new, old life as Bang Minsoo. 

Chanhee still liked to call him “Private Bang” sometimes. Considered it their own private little joke even if Minsoo thought the gag had gotten old long ago. He wasn’t about to tell Chanhee that, though. 

“You know, even a thumbs-up would be nice,” Chanhee said. 

This, referring to this strange new vow of silence Minsoo had started practicing on all their shared group chats. “I send you guys new stickers all the time.”

“You don’t even reply to me.”

“What’s there to reply to? You keep sending me your schedules like I’m supposed to do something about them.”

Chanhee rolled his eyes and scoffed into his drink, irritated but still a long way off from being truly pissed. “Well, maybe learn to take a hint next time.”

Minsoo laughed. “Next time,” he said. “Okay.” 

“Okay,” Chanhee said back. He held his gaze for a second longer, looking at Minsoo with suspicion like was expecting him to take back the statement. He looked like he was about to say something else, but he shook his head and took another sip. “Okay. Whatever you say.”

Sometimes he thought about doing something drastic. Anything, really. Switch things up a bit, give him a jolt of fresh life. Inject some excitement back into his routine. 

Nothing much had really changed with Minsoo over the years, which was a real problem in itself. But who to tell? Certainly not his teammates – he loved them, but they all had their eyes on the same goal they had ten years ago. Him, he was already looking someplace else and it was eating him up that he was. 

Minsoo wasn’t getting any younger. He was growing bigger and his body would often wake up with more pain than he ever had before. He wasn’t honestly sure if he could stand to keep up with them for much longer, but when he looked into their eyes and saw that they were still as earnest and decisive as they were when they were still teenagers, he withdrew into himself and maintained his silence. 

No way he’d bring them down now. Not when things were starting to look back up again. 

“Oh, Minsoo-hyung. Yeah, he’s been doing more and more of his own thing lately. Please continue to support him, though. That old man needs all the fans he can get.” 

Only Jonghyun could get away with this kind of joke, told live to his viewing fans. Minsoo snorted but didn’t turn off the stream. He’d send that kid a DM later, though, remind him who the older one was between them. 

Maybe, just maybe, Minsoo was relieved that he’d been so casual about it. Let’s not bother hyung now, he’s having so much fun by himself. He’s just going through some things, that’s all. A minor issue. Nothing to be scared of. He could handle it just fine.

Of course Jonghyun wasn’t outwardly sorry he’d said any of that in public. But he always made sure to pay extra attention to Minsoo whenever they’d all meet up again. He wasn’t about to tell his junior he appreciated the effort – the team had never been one to publicly talk about their feelings anyway – but if he jostled Jonghyun a little more than usual, smacked him in the ass whenever he got a free moment, then he hoped the message was passed along just fine. 

A memory came to him, then, unbidden. A memory from when they were all still so young and bright-eyed about their futures, struck with all the newness the celebrity life had to offer. They were so much happier then, but only because they didn’t know any better. 

“Kids,” Chanee said, clapping his hands. Back then, ‘kids' was what they still called each other to remind everyone else about the hierarchy. Things tended to be like that when everyone’s ages were so close to each other. “My noisy, stupid, impatient kids. Shut up and listen to your leader.” 

Back then – even now, actually – being addressed as their leader was almost like a death sentence to Minsoo. With everyone being as old as they’d been before, he really hadn’t wanted to make things more awkward between them than usual. “No, don’t listen to me!” he’d said, turning frantic. “I’m not your leader!” 

Changhyun had been the first to turn white at that. “Oh, my god. It’s happening. He’s finally leaving us. I knew it’d come down to this.” 

Jonghyun had leapt from his chair then and slapped his palms down hard on the table. “Why?” he’d roared, so loud that it was almost like he wasn’t joking anymore about being mad. “You said you weren’t going to!” 

“Let him do what he wants,” Niel had said then, jumping in. “He’s a grown man.” 

Byunghun had laughed at that, but Minsoo wasn’t able to remember if he’d laughed in agreement or disbelief. 

He blinked back to the present. 

Something drastic. Maybe he’d been long overdue for it anyway. 

He shook his head, mind drifting down to his flabby belly again. 

Then, clicking his tongue, he picked up his phone to bother Jonghyun. 

He’d been smoking a lot more lately. Still, when Niel entered his house and took one whiff of the remnants of cigarette smoke in the air, all he did was make a face and wave the smell away. “You’re painting again?” was what he offered as a greeting instead. 

Maybe he’d said that to be polite but also, maybe he’d said that because Minsoo’s place was a mess and there was paint and all these other things scattered on the floor. 

Minsoo let the corner of his mouth rise in an almost-smile anyway. “It’s nice,” he said. “Don’t have to talk to people so much when I’m painting.”

“You’re talking to me.”

“You talked to me first.” 

“You let me into your house!”

“You’re the one who invited yourself over!” 

It’s been way too long since they’d spoken like this to each other. They exchanged a look and laughed.

If there was ever going to be a moment he had to look back on and point to as his big defining realization, the moment where it all clicked for him, it was this moment right here. Even with Niel in the room with him, Minsoo was unable to help the longing and regret, a “too bad we’re never going to meet like this again” kind of sentiment; the sinking feeling that he was going to miss all this, even if it was still happening right in front of him. 

How long had he and Niel been friends for? So long now, and sometimes Minsoo had to wonder if Niel was starting to notice him drifting away by the day. 

But Niel is polite and Niel is already used to all the weird little quirks that make up his personality. So all Niel did was comment on his paintings… and take a dig at some of the food he still had leftover from last night. 

“Hey!” Minsoo said, waving a paint brush at him. “Don’t they feed you back at the agency anymore?” 

“It’s your agency, too.” Niel replied with a pout. “You should know better than anyone.”

“I know. That’s why you never see me there anymore.” 

“You could drop by sometime. See how the other kids are doing.” 

‘Kids,’ by this point meaning all of the new guys they suddenly had for juniors. Watching them go at it so earnestly, put their noses to the grinder for a shot and a dream… It was almost nauseating to look at. 

Had he been like that before? It made him just as sick to think about how naive he’d been back in the day, but all he said to Niel now was, “Nah. You guys have it all under control.” 

“Well, maybe some of the kids want to see you, you know.” 

“Who would want to see me?” 

“I do! You don’t think I’d want to see you around when I’m practicing, too?” 

Ever since they’d all grown up to go their separate ways, the age lines between them had become less and less defined. Changhyun and Jonghyun still talked to him with some respect, while Chanhee never saw him as a respectable senior to begin with – but Niel… Niel had become braver about calling things for what they were. He rarely hesitated to confront Minsoo about anything anymore, and it made Minsoo feel… small, maybe. Like he’d somehow lost all the rank and good standing he had with them before, like he’d somehow become less because he wasn’t as into the life as they still were. 

His more rational side told him that it was all bullshit. But after all he’d been through, he felt like he deserved to wallow. 

When it looked like Minsoo wasn’t going to say anything, not even react to the outburst, Niel scowled and shook his head. He sighed. “Look what you made me do,” he said, but by this time, all the heat had gone out of his body. 

“Sorry,” Minsoo said, although he wasn’t sure what for. 

Niel waved it away and didn’t push the matter further. “So… painting?” he said, another attempt at a peace offering. 

Minsoo shrugged and accepted it. “Like I said. It’s nice.” 

“It suits you.”

“What, the painting?” 

“Yeah. And all the paint stains.” 

“Hey, that’s how you know I’m a real artist. You gotta get dirty if you want to make something great.” 

Niel rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I’m sure. Has Chanhee seen any of these yet?”

“What’s he got to do with any of this…” Minsoo muttered. “Said they were fine.” 

“Oh.” Niel blinked. “That’s okay, then.” 

“You like anything you see?” Minsoo asked, waving a hand around the room. 

“Well…” Niel turned around to consider the four paintings scattered around. They probably looked like silly splashes of color to him. Even then, Minsoo wanted to know if they’d made any kind of sense to his friend whatsoever. “They’re all okay, I guess. You must have worked really hard on them.” 

“Shut up. Don’t give me that.” 

“It’s true! Isn’t it?” 

“It is. But don’t give me that.” It was the wrong thing to say, but Minsoo couldn’t help it if he was so stubborn. 

Niel picked up on it immediately. “What’s with you lately? You don’t call, you don’t text. Then when we meet up, you’re always in some kind of mood.” 

“What mood? I’m as happy as I can be out here.” 

“Whatever!” Niel said, frustrated. “I don’t care! I don’t care anymore. Listen, they’re all nice, okay? I don’t know what else you want me to say.” 

“Now you don’t mean it.” 

“What are you talking about? Of course I do!” 

“So pick a favorite.” 

“Why do you do this to me, hyung? What have I ever done to you to deserve this?” 

“You entered my house, that’s what you did. Now tell me which one you like best.” 

Niel squinted his eyes at him again, as if trying to discern if Minsoo was joking or not, and deciding if he should confront him about that, too. Eventually, he gave up and made a vague sort of gesture to point at one of the finished canvases. “That one,” he said. “Okay? Please don’t make me pay for it.” 

He caught the small frown Niel was giving him as he said it, but Minsoo, always the guy looking for the easiest, most pain-free way out, chose to talk over his guilt and distract his friend with something stupid yet again. 

He’d been doing that a lot more lately, too, he thought. Ducking and diving when things got too difficult to deal with. 

So he laughed harder, hoping to make more noise on top of all that other noise, and gave Niel his asking price. 

When Niel reacted the way he’d expected him to – with a loud, exaggerated yell that was so over the top, his eyes had started to bulge out of his head – Minsoo wasn’t able to remember what had caused him so much distress in the first place. 

He’d always been told he was an artist and so art was what he wanted to do. Drawing and coloring and now, painting – these were all so different from the noisy busyness of the lifestyle he’d become used to. Unlike the singing and the dancing, he at least didn’t feel like he’d been roped into doing his art. 

Creating art. Maybe that was what he’d been missing all along. 

It wasn’t a real mystery to him why he enjoyed painting so much. There was more peace and freedom to be found here than anything else he’d done with his life. The more he swiped one color after the next on the canvas, the more he felt his problems going away, one by one. He liked that he was free to make such a mess and feel rewarded for the effort. 

You couldn’t make a mess when you had all of the nation’s eyes on you. It was something that was true for him, even if the team hadn’t made it as big as they’d always dreamed of. These days, it seemed he was always being yanked back into the spotlight whenever he did something wrong or offensive. 

It was all so draining. Full of mindless agreements to everything that was asked of him. Continually being forced to consider the feelings of so many other people before taking his own into account. 

So you know, he thought, there had to be something more to this out there. Something bigger than the biggest stage he’d ever been on. Brighter than all the stage lights he’d had to wear sunglasses to protect himself against.  

Something… more. 

He’d been smoking more lately. Painting more, too. Going back inside his head to see what was left of him there. So much thinking and reflecting so that by the time he’d met up with everyone else again, he was already so tired and spent. No wonder he never had any energy left for dance practice. Rapping the same lines he’d been force-fed as a teenager… 

His phone pinged, then. Another message from Chanhee. Another schedule, another online singing event with songs that didn’t belong to him. Why had he never once been trusted to make something original? More than a decade in the industry and still, they were forced to wait for whichever PD had the next burst of nostalgia and have them guest on one of their stupid programs. 

A bad mood. Thinking about all of this had put him in such a bad mood. Another bad day, huh. Minsoo shook his head and tapped another cigarette out of his pack. And everyone wanted to know why he was smoking so much. 

His eyes drifted out the window. He sighed, mulling the great outdoors and drawing out a long drag. 

It was such a lovely day out. Maybe he’d do a little trimming in the garden.