Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

In Bob’s defense, he doesn’t exactly have the best control of his powers. And he’s got a lot of them. He actually does everything he can to not use his powers as much as possible considering the whole Void that consumes humanity and traps them and him in their nightmares. He doesn’t even remember doing that! 

So, it’s really not his fault that he didn’t know he could time travel, right?

Right?

Yelena has been helping Bob with his negative self talk and his habit of blaming himself for every problem that he is tangentially connected to.

But, in this case, it’s definitely on him, yeah.

At first he doesn’t realize he’s time traveled. He’s just doing the dishes as he does because none of the other Thunderbolts ever do the dishes and, well, while they’re out saving the world and stuff, Bob has a lot of free time.

He’s listening to his music, jamming with his hands in the sink, scrubbing out a mug that Yelena ate ice cream out of because she eats ice cream out of mugs “like a heathen” as Ava would say. It’s only when he realizes that the second mug that he just grabbed isn’t one that they own that he pauses to look around. 

“Uhm,” Bob says unintelligibly. 

Alarms start to blare and Bob realizes he should probably get out of here.

Elevator is probably a bad idea but he is on one of the utmost top floors. So… how to get out of here?

Shadows seep from his skin and if he were not panicking he would probably succumb to the dread that void is returning and instead taps into the training that his teammates have given him and disappears into the shadows, metaphorically and quite literally physically. 

It’s a form of teleportation that he doesn’t like to tap into in fear that he become It again but something that Ava insisted he master. 

However, he’s never been good at locations. More… people. His team are his tethers, both emotionally and with his powers. When he starts to lose himself to them, he reaches out to them to ground himself. 

So, when the shadows take him to a sterile torture room he’s never been in, Bob is understandably concerned (he’s fucking terrified, who is he kidding) but he knows that someone he loves is somewhere near so that means everything will be okay. 

What he’s not expecting is Bucky with even longer hair and a different arm he definitely didn’t have earlier running in and freezing at the sight of—

“Bob?”

“Bucky! Where… are we? Are you on a mission?” He lowers his voice. “Are there… bad guys here?”

“There are so many bad guys here,” Bucky mutters, his voice hoarser than it usually is. He takes Bob’s hand, flinching slightly as terror and petrification floods him as it always does when someone touches Bob, and pulls him behind him. “How did you get here?”

“Shadow teleportation.”

“How has my life come to this?” Bucky mutters. “How did we get here?”

“Uhm. Well, I got here by shadow teleportation. I don’t know how you got here.”

“Not here ,” Bucky motions around them with exasperated gesticulation. “I mean in the past.”

“We’re in the past?”

Bucky pinches his nose, muttering curses under his breath. “Okay. Bob. We are currently in a HYDRA base sometime before 2015.”

“Oh. I don’t wanna be here.”

“Neither do I. Which is why we need to get out of here.”

“How?”

Apparently it involves a lot of Bucky punching and shooting people while Bob stays behind him. Eventually, they break free and make their rushed escape, switching out their stolen cars every 20-30 minutes. 

They tried to teleport again but it seems that Bob’s out of juice (which he’s silently thankful for. Everytime he uses his powers, it makes him feel icky, like he just drank a gulp of olive oil and then doused himself in a bath of olive oil and he doesn’t know why he compares the feeling of becoming an apathetic killing machine to olive oil but apparently he doesn’t like olive oil that much.) So they have to go the old fashioned way. 

Which is by stolen car. 

Bob feels kinda bad about stealing all these cars but HYDRA stole Bucky and want to steal him back so he gets why they have to do it. Still feels bad. 

“If we’re back, that must mean the others are too, right?” Bucky says.

“Considering my powers are tied to you all, then most likely.”

“Right, Great. Fucking— alright. So where would they be in…” Bucky grabs a newspaper that sits near his feet, “2012? Jesus fucking Christ. In 2012.”

“Well,” Bob says. “Yelena is still with the Red Room. Alexei is still in prison. Ava is still with SHIELD—”

“Which is currently infiltrated by HYDRA.”

“Yikes. And Walker… where would Walker be in 2012?”

“Probably in the military,” Bucky says. “He graduated from the USMA in 2009.”

“Aw crap,” Bob groans.

“What?” Bucky asks, straightening with alarm.

“I’m addicted to meth again.”

As much as he can joke about this time of his life, his addiction ruined his life in more ways that he can count. It was all-consuming, the hunger, the craving, the need. He burnt every feeble bridge he had as he exhausted every revenue of money he had to get one more high. It deteriorated his body and mind and though his powers were able to push through the fog of withdrawal, the clarity is beginning to fade and his body is not equipped to go cold turkey. 

“Shit,” Bucky says. “What… what can I do?”

“Besides give me supersoldier serum? I don’t know.”

“You’ve still retained some of your powers though, right?” 

“I don’t know. It’s not like they’ve ever been the most consistent.” Bob shakes his head. “This is a problem for later. Right now, we gotta find everyone else.”

“The question is, though,” Bucky says, “if they’re going to find each other first.”

.-~*~-.

Oh fuck no. 

Yelena comes to at the ballet barre surrounded by women who had become ghosts of her past. 

Oh Bob, what did you do?

Because this has to be Bob. What else could it possibly be?

It takes a grueling few days of playing the role that she had fought so ardently to distance and recover from and she hates how the mindset is still so easy to fall into, how the numbness takes over again and she follows her orders like a good little soldier. 

Walker’s probably in a war zone right now, Yelena muses to herself. Serves the bastard right. 

It’s only when she’s sent out on assignment that she is able to slip away and vanish. She’s done it before and it’s definitely easier the second time around. 

Her first order of business is breaking Alexei out of prison. As much as she can get sick of the old man, if he’s come back with her, there’s no way he’s getting out on his own without getting himself killed. 

Thankfully, it is her Alexei. She doesn’t know what she’d do if she went there and it was the Alexei of this time. 

It’s surprisingly easy. The security in 2012 is laughable compared to how much technology had advanced in the past decade and the biggest trouble she has is keeping Alexei’s big mouth shut so they don’t get caught on the way out. 

Alexei is talking her ear off about how it feels to be in his younger body, how spry he feels, how rejuvenated, how young, but all Yelena can think about is her floundering plans on what to do next. 

Finding Bob is easier said than done, and that’s assuming he’s where he’s supposed to be and not with the others.

She needs to find a way to contact them but that’s easier said than done. 

She steals a smartphone off someone and uses it to search for any relevant information that can help them. Her heart stutters at the date, at the realization that she’s really in the past, in 2012 where Natasha is alive and okay and about to have her life irrevocably changed.

She’s almost tempted to stop Nat from joining the Avengers but Yelena knows that in their lines of work that danger is inevitable and that Nat chose to die a hero. 

But none of that matters now. Not when Nat is somewhere in the US alive. 

What would she think of Yelena now? This Yelena who is not her Yelena and not the Yelena of this time. 

Yelena tries not to think about it too much. 

No.

She’s got a Bob to find. 

.-~*~-.

Ava didn’t recall this, but her and Walker had crossed paths once.

And apparently, it’s now, in a shitty bar in Jordan.

She remembers vaguely, being here on an assignment and getting flirted with by a grating man that she punched in the crotch before making her way to her mark. 

And apparently that was John Walker himself, cocky military man here with the US military to help contain the Syrian civil war within Syria’s borders. 

Ava wonders what the consequences will be if she doesn’t take out her mark now. 

Eh. 

Whatever.

She’s already planning to change a lot more than just one kill she barely remembers. 

It was something political she guesses, considering when and where she is. But, looking back with hindsight, was definitely not one of the bad guys. 

Damn HYDRA. 

Bucky’s in HYDRA now, she realizes. Yelena in the Red Room. Alexei… wherever he was before they became a team. 

Their lives so close to weaving together and yet so far away.

She spots Walker across the room and she recognizes that this is the Walker she knows. Despite his bravado, he has mellowed over the months they’ve been a team. He’s still an ignorant, arrogant asswipe but he’s not as bad as he used to be. Low bar, she knows, but she’d say she tolerates the man now, something she definitely couldn’t say when they first met. 

His eyes meet hers and he stiffens, relaxing slightly at the familiar face, but tense in the unknowing. 

She approaches him and she can see the way he tracks every one of her steps.

“Hey, JV,” she says. “Looks like we’re both not where we’re supposed to be.”

He lets out a sigh of relief. “Did you do this?”

“Do you think I did this?” she snaps.

They both pause.

“Bob.”

“What can that man not do?” Ava says. 

“A lot,” Walker says flatly and Ava punches his arm. He doesn’t wince in pain like she expects his past body to do. “Wait,” Walker says. “I still have the serum.”

“How?”  

“I don’t know. Just like I don’t know how we time traveled.”

“God, I can’t believe out of everyone, I’m stuck with you.”

“Well, believe it. Because right now, we’ve gotta work together to find—”

“Bob?” 

Bob, standing hand in hand with Bucky, stares at Ava with wide eyes. 

“Huh. I guess I still have a little juice left,” Bob says before promptly passing out.

Chapter Text

It’s easy to carry Bob out of the bar, with the strength of two super soldiers pretending he’s a passed out drunk being pulled out by his friends. 

They all cram into a tiny hotel room in town, all doing a shit job at acting like they’re not worried about Bob and instead focus on the insane problem at hand.

“The Battle of New York hasn’t happened yet.”

“So we stop it,” Walker says. 

Ava rolls her eyes. “Thank you, for your riveting and ingenious idea, Walker. We definitely weren’t already thinking the same.”

“Well, hey, if you’re thinking it too, then it must be a good idea.”

“I don’t know if you remember, but we are nobodies right now. Actually, no, we’re worse than nobodies because we have some not so pretty connections and even worse reputations.”

“Well, you don’t yet. Aren’t you a SHIELD agent right now?”

“Yeah, a stealth operative that they gave an empty promise of a cure to. One they will definitely notice going rogue. Believe me, I know they will.”

“Well you’ve already not completed your mission. Congrats! You’re rogue. And so am I considering I’m going MIA in the middle of deployment.”

Bucky, who has yet to add to the conversation until now, grimaces with an irritation induced headache. “And I’m the Winter fucking Soldier. We’re all on the run from our pasts, now presents, and somehow we need to get Bob awake again and get Yelena and Alexei and somehow get all of us to New York before Loki opens that Chitari portal while also not being taking in by SHIELD in the process.”

“We’ve got this,” Walker says. 

“Wow,” Ava says. “Thank you for your unwavering optimism. Except, oh yeah, we’re completely fucked if we get caught and we’re also fucked if we do this wrong. Who knows what could change if we divert these events. Something worse could come or what had been a victory could lead to the decimation of New York. Wasn’t there a nuke involved?”

“Yeah, but Iron Man stopped that,” Walker says.

A silence falls over them.

“Steve’s alive here,” Bucky says, voice devoid of emotion, hidden from them. 

“Lemar’s alive too,” Walker says, disbelief evident in his voice. “Hell, he’s probably down the street.”

“We can’t dwell on it,” Ava says. “There’s too much at stake to get lost in that.”

“She’s right,” Bucky says. “Now, our next order of business is finding—“

An obnoxious flurry of car honks crescendos from the distance.

It grows nearer and nearer until it finally ceases as an ugly beat up car pulls up in front of the hotel.

Alexei and Yelena exit the car, Yelena burying her face in her hands with embarrassment and Alexei waving both of his hands at them with all the bravado of a man who just got out of prison again. 

“How did they find us?” Ava asks.

Alexei and Yelena parkour up the side of the building and tap on their window. Yelena cocks her head at them, eyes scrutinizing and analytical.

Bucky rushes to open the window and   barely squeezes through after Yelena.

“Yes!” Alexei bellows. “Team is back together just as it should be!”

Walker rubs his temples. “Can we bring the volume down, please? I feel like my head’s caving in.”

“Of course,” Alexei says in a whisper. “This is covert operation.”

“It’s good to see you,” Yelena says, looking around at them and taking in the clear differences in their appearances. 

“Team is reunited!” Alexei whisper screams. “Now. What is big plan?”

“There is no plan,” Ava says. “Not yet. At least, not until Bob—“

Bob awakes with a gasp, shooting up from the bed, eyes glowing and black shadow misting from his agape mouth. 

And then he shakes his head and he’s back with a goofy lopsided grin. “Oh man. You guys would not believe the dream I had.”

“If it had to do with time traveling and breaking me out of HYDRA, then unfortunately it wasn’t a dream,” Bucky says.

Bob’s eyes go wide. “Oh crap.” He collapses into the pillows, burying his face in his arms. 

Yelena puts a hand on his shoulder. “It is okay Bob. You didn’t mean to. And hey! This is… this is just a new opportunity, right? Make change. We’re always talking about changing things for the better.”

“Yeah, things like consistently flossing and staying hydrated, not rewriting the timeline!”

“Let’s just all take a breath,” Ava says. “First things first, we need to get back to the states.”

Bucky huffs. “Which is going to be difficult to do when none of us have a valid passport.”

“Speak for yourself,” Walker says. 

Bucky flips Walker off.

“I will find us way to America,” Alexei says. “For now, you rest. It has been long days. You need sleep.”

Bob raises a hand. “I just woke up.”

“Can’t believe I’m saying this, but Alexei is right,” Ava says. “I think we all need to come back to this with a fresh pair of eyes.”

It takes a long few hours for them all to get to sleep, none of them comfortable in the unfamiliar setting and already insomniacs, but the exhaustion of the days they’ve had have them collapsing into exhaustion…

…and waking up from the sound of a horn honking.

They all jolt awake and look around blearily at their even more unfamiliar surroundings.

“I got us boat!” Alexei boasts.

“How the hell did you get us on this?” Bucky says.

“Do not worry about logistics. We are on our way to America! In fact,” Alexei pokes his head out the top hatch and then joins them once again. “We are here!”

Disregarding the clear possibility Alexei drugged them in their sleep and stole a ship, it is a relief to know that they won’t have to figure out the logistics of smuggling them out of Asia.

“It is the Liberty Lady!” Alexei says, pointing in the distance.

“Fuck,” Bucky mutters. “We’re too late.”

The skies are filled with alien ships, screams filling the smoke filled air. 

“What do we do?” Ava asks, numbly watching the destruction in the distance.

“We save whoever we can.”

There’s no way they can face off against the giant ships in the sky — none of them are fliers — but there’s plenty of aliens on the ground and even more civilians that need saving so they know they need to delegate.

It takes another grueling ten minutes to get to the heart of New York before they can split, but by the time they hit the wreckage, they have all been snapped awake and have become ready to face the chaos.

Bob stays to the edges, helping point people to safe zones and helping with basic first aid.

Yelena, Alexei, and Walker team together to fight off as many aliens while Ava and Bucky search the rubble, Ava phasing through the debris to save the people trapped beneath.

Like the well oiled team they’ve become over the months, they communicate only through clipped code and dedicate their focus on taking down as many aliens and save as many people left alive as they can.

Time blurs, caught in the adrenaline of disaster, and they almost miss when things escalate just as it had in their past.

But Bob doesn’t miss it. He watches as the aliens circle his friends, their ships growing nearer as a hole is ripped into the sky, and the petrification and protective rage consumes him and his hand is stretched out before he can realize what he’s doing and it all disappears into a puff of black smoke. 

He feels familiar arms wrap around his middle from behind and he melts into her touch, grounded back to reality and glowing eyes meeting kind blue and with a shaky shadowed breath, Bob is back.

He sees the residual black filling the sky and dread pools in his gut. 

“I didn’t—“

“No,” Yelena says. “Just the aliens.”

It still makes his heart clench, knowing that aliens can be plenty human with lives and families of their own and—

Yelena grips his hand and he realizes the black has begun creeping up his arms. 

“Thank you, Yelena,” Bob says.

“Of course,” she says, smiling gently at him.

“I’ve gotta say, you bunch are a curious group of misfits.”

Yelena and Bob’s heads snap up and meet Nick Fury’s eye.

“My question is, why are you here?”

Yelena and Bob eyes meet and it hits them at the same time.

They didn’t have a plan for what they’d do when they got here, and they definitely didn’t plan for what would happen after.

So, in short, they’re fucked.

Chapter Text

Despite the team being comprised of assassins, mercenaries and supersoldiers, the five sit squeezed on a couch across from a stoic Nick Fury like a group of preteens called to the principal’s office.

They’re still sweaty and grimy from being on the galactic invaded battlefield, but they’re also all used to worse, and their physical discomfort is a welcomed distraction from the unease they all feel facing down the past version of a man they all know is powerful, persistent, and can cut through their bullshit.

And fuck, they’ve got a lot of bullshit.

It’s Ava who goes to say something first, having known Fury in the past, but he cuts her off with a stern look.

“You’re supposed to be in Jordan, Agent Starr.”

She doesn’t make a quip, something so foreign to the rest of the team, enough to make them tense even more.

“I did my research on you all. Or at least, I tried to. But you all are ghosts. Except for you, Mr. Walker. Did Ava pick up a stray on her way back?”

“I am not a—“

“Zip it.” Fury leans forward. “Today was the debut of something meant to be great. A new dawn into something that is necessary in the world we now live in. Instead, you shmucks have hitched a ride on the premiering of my team of heroes. So, who the hell are you and more importantly, what is it that you want?” 

“We just want to help,” Bob says, so earnest as he always is that they can tell even Fury is taken aback by his honesty.

“Really? Just good samaritans helping in a time of crisis?”

“Is that so hard to believe?” Yelena asks.

“Yes,” Fury says, eyes narrowing. “I don’t believe in altruism even when the world is ending. Plus, you all don’t seem the type. Your skills are impressive, I will say that. Obviously trained. By who, I don’t know yet, but I will find out. And you’re a good team. Clearly not just strangers who met in the war zone that was New York. That kind of familiarity comes with time. Time I don’t understand how you all would have gotten together without raising any suspicion or at the very least getting on my radar.”

”Covert operation,” Alexei says with a sage nod.

”Clearly,” Fury says. “Which has me wondering who you’re working for.”

”No one,” Yelena says. “Not now.”

”But you were before? Anyone I should be worried about?”

”Yes,” Walker says. “But not yet.”

”Cryptic. And this someone, do they have any more of you hiding somewhere that I should know about?”

”No,” Bucky says. “It’s just us.”

”Which brings me back to my point. Group of seemingly unconnected people. I may not know who you are but I see how you fight. You don’t fight the same, so you’re clearly not trained by the same people. And people don’t just come together for no reason. What is it that could make such a ‘covert’ team show their faces?”

“There’s people in your team of heroes that we know,” Bucky says, and all their heads snap to him, eyes hard as they try to calculate his angle. “They brought us out.”

“Is that so?” Fury asks. “And what exactly is your connection to them?”

Yelena, resigns to this choice of action, uncomfortable with how close to the truth it is, but knowing that the best lies are built upon what is grounded in reality. “Natasha Romanoff is my sister.”

“My daughter,” Alexei pipes in. 

This makes Fury pause, brows shooting up. “Natasha Romanoff doesn’t have any family.”

“That she speaks about, no,” Yelena says. “I can’t imagine she can look back on our childhood fondly.”

This makes Fury reassess Yelena, knowing what he knows about the Red Room.

He turns to Alexei. “So that makes you…?”

“Oh,” Yelena blinks, realizing Fury’s implication. “He was not our trainer nor torturer. It is a long story, but… he’s the closest thing we had to a father before…”

“I see.” He doesn’t. There’s no way he can with how much they are omitting. There’s no reason for him to believe them, especially over one of his most entrusted agents. But they can tell he’s considering their story. “And the rest of you?”

“That’s a bit more complicated,” Bob says.

“Then uncomplicate it for me.”

Bucky sighs. “My name is James Buchanan Barnes.”

“You’re supposed to be dead,” Fury says, hiding his surprise well, but his recognition clear.

“So’s Steve.”

“Fair,” Fury says.

“You might know me now as the Winter Soldier.”

“Fuck. You’re serious. You’re actually serious.” He turns to Walker and Bob. “Please don’t tell me you’re Tony Stark’s secret son or Banner’s long lost cousin.”

“Met Banner’s cousin,” Walker says. “Kinda a bitch.”

Ava punches him hard in the arm and sneers, knowing the punch did no damage.

“We’re with them,” Bob says, gesturing to the others. “Unconnected to the rest of the Avengers.”

Fury’s gaze goes stony. “And how do you know about the Avengers Initiative?” 

Bob’s eyes go wide, realizing his mistake. “Uhm.”

“You know too much,” Fury says. “And considering one of my own agents is here with you, I can more than just speculate where that leak could have come from. And yet, I don’t think that Starr is the one running the show here. In fact,” he turns to Yelena and Bucky, “they all seem to defer to you. Considering your relationships to my team, that doesn’t surprise me. So, I’ll ask again. Who are you and what do you want?”

“We want to be Avengers!” Alexei blurts out.

They all look at him with shock and deadly looks. 

“Is that so?” Fury asks.

“We all have our pasts. And though theirs are not mine to share, I will share mine. I am Red Guardian! Supersolider and protector of Russia! And… circumstance has kept me from being hero. But now I can be hero again.”

“Is that what you all think you are then? Heroes?”

“We could be,” Bob says. “If you gave us the chance.”

Fury leans back into his seat with a sigh. “If I am being completely honest, you haven’t exactly given me much of a choice. People notice Captain America and Iron Man just as much as they notice the men crushing rubble like it’s tinfoil, a woman who can disappear and walk through walls,” he narrows his eyes at Ava pointedly, “and a guy who decimates hoard of aliens into smoke. The world already thinks you’re Avengers and even the Avengers think you’re the second tier backup I didn’t bother to tell them about. So here’s what’s going to happen. You will be Avengers, but it’s on my terms and not yours. I will find out exactly who you are and if you dare double cross me, you can bet that there will be consequences.” Fury stands, looking over all of them. “Now, are you ready to face the actual Avengers?”

No. No they hell they’re not.

Chapter Text

“Okay, what the hell are we going to do?” Ava mutters as they’re guided through the halls of SHIELD.

“We’ve gotta make a run for it right?” Walker says.

“They’ll just find us again,” Yelena says with a resigned sigh. “Besides, once Nat gets word that me and Alexei are here, her suspicion won’t let us go that easily.”

“Though I hate to admit it, I do not think Natalia will be happy to see us,” Alexei says.

“Definitely not,” Yelena says. She turns to Bucky. “You think you’ll have better luck with Captain America?”

“I didn’t know Steve during this time. And I’m not the me that I was then. I have no idea how he’ll react.”

“Great,” Ava says. “So we’re going in blind.”

“And how are you feeling about seeing them?” Bob asks. “I mean, they were dead. And now they’re not.”

“I don’t know,” Yelena says, the admission more honest than she meant it to be. 

“It’s okay to not know,” Bob says, putting a hand on her shoulder. 

That pulls a small smile from Yelena, knowing the words are echoed from what she’s told to Bob herself. “Thanks, Bob.”

They all steel themselves as they get closer to their destination, ironically the Stark Tower that they were just living in before they got sent back to their past. It looks different, obviously, in its original form, newly built and also newly trashed. 

As the elevator brings them up to a familiar floor that has now become a foreign sight, they can’t help but silently gawk. 

Yelena and Alexei immediately search the room to find Natasha but she isn’t anywhere in sight. 

“Agent Romanoff is currently with Agent Barton as they work to deprogram him from Loki’s mind control,” Fury says, answering their unasked question. 

“So these are the second tier team you kept so under wraps,” Tony Stark —  the Tony Stark, the one who would one day sacrifice his life to save the universe — says, looking the group up and down. “You know, it would’ve been nice to know about them. Could’ve really helped when the aliens first started to decimate the city.”

“Their arrival got delayed,” Fury says. 

“Well, I think a round of introductions is in order,” Tony says. “Tony Stark, Iron Man, I’m sure you already’ve heard of me. Over there we got Steve Rogers, yeah that one, the actual Captain America scooped out from the Arctic and only a little freezer burnt.”

Steve narrows his eyes at Tony as he crosses his arm over his chest in what is supposed to look intimidating, but Bucky knows Steve too well, and knows how out of his depth he is. 

“That’s Dr. Bruce Banner, brilliant mind, though the part that switches into a giant green destruction junkie lacks in that category. Thor fucked off with his maniac brother and the Agent Femme Fatale is with Katniss while he gets stitched up and un-mindfucked, so you’ve only got half the team unfortunately.” 

“Captain John Walker,” Walker says first, going out to shake all of their hands, off putting to both them and the rest of his team, all not expecting his cordial introduction.

“Agent Ava Starr,” Ava says, following in Walker’s fashion and shaking their hands. “I’m with SHIELD.” She shoots Fury a look, no doubt signaling that she will not keep her connections with SHIELD a secret, but won’t divulge in their cruel treatment nor what she did for them.

“Yelena Belova,” Yelena says. “And this is—”

“Alexei Andreovitch Shostakov, also known as Red Guardian, Russia’s first official super soldier!” His handshake is enthusiastic and almost painfully firm. “Captain America, it is honor to meet you.” 

“I didn’t realize there were others like me,” Steve says, eyes widened with surprise. 

“Yes, yes. Me, Walker, and—” Bucky makes a noise that cuts off Alexei. 

“You too, Captain?” Steve asks, shrinking slightly at realizing that he is no longer the only one with abilities like his. 

“Yeah,” Walker says, uncharacteristically shy. 

“I’m Bob,” Bob says, waving awkwardly. 

“You turned the aliens into smoke,” Bruce says.

“Uh. Yup. That’s… that was kinda me.” 

“Kinda?” Tony repeats, cocking a brow.

“Yeah, it’s kinda a long story.” Bob rubs the back of his neck with discomfort. 

“And you?” Steve asks, looking at Bucky, and he feels his heart still in his chest before pounding so hard he’s surprised everyone can’t hear it. 

Bucky realizes he still has his HYDRA muzzle on and that Steve would have recognized him immediately without it. He holds out his metal hand and shakes Steve’s hand detachedly, firm and impersonal. “They call me the Winter Soldier.” 

Bucky can feel the stares of his team, the confusion and disbelief and pity. He ignores it all, soaks in the shame and guilt and pushes through. 

“But you can call me Jamie,” he amends. This only makes his team stare at him harder. 

“Alright, Jamie,” Steve says. “It seems like we’ll be working together. Fury informed us that you and Ms. Belova are the leaders of your team.”

“Uhm,” Walker says, “we’re really more equals than—”

“We all have our own strengths and our own weaknesses. It’s how they come together on the field that matters,” Yelena says. 

“Words of a good leader,” Steve says, nodding to her. 

“Well,” Tony says. “I don’t know about you all, but I need a drink. And a shower. Maybe not in that order. Or maybe at the same time. There’s guest suites on the floor above us. Feel free to snag a room and make yourself comfortable. I’ve got a feeling we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other.” And with Tony starts to walk away but pauses. “Wait.” He turns slowly to face Bob. “I know you.”

“Uhm. No you don’t.”

“I do,” Tony says. “You popped out of nowhere into the tower the other day. JARVIS couldn’t figure out how you had gotten in.” He snorts to himself. “Well, seeing the disappearing act your teammates got and whatever shadow schtick you’ve got, I can make a few theories.”

“It’s a form of teleportation,” Bucky says. “He hadn’t meant to come in here. He was looking for me.”

Not entirely true, but the closest to the truth they can give. 

“Teleportation, huh. And I thought the craziest person I’d meet today was the Hulk.”

“Don’t call him crazy,” Yelena says, the biting statement leaving her lips without her thinking.

Tony holds his hands in surrender. “Not saying anything about him. Just his powers.”

The fight leaves Yelena and she sheepishly steps back, realizing she had been putting herself between Tony and Bob. 

“Well, with that, I’m going to take up Tony’s offer,” Bruce says. “Anyone else want to join me? Upstairs, I mean. Not…”

“Yeah, we got it,” Ava says flatly. “I’ll come with. Heavens know I need a shower.” She turns to the rest of the team. “Thunderbolts… disassemble?”

They roll their eyes and nod in agreement.

Despite being the New Avengers, they all still had a soft spot for being called the Thunderbolts, what had once been a joke that then become a title that they wore proudly and comfortably, much more than they did with the New Avengers. 

“You okay, Bob?” Yelena asks, taking Bob’s trembling hand into hers. 

“Meth withdrawals plus a Void crash is not a good combo,” he says quietly. 

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” Yelena says. “We’ll take nice warm showers and when we get out we can sit together, have a nice actual meal, and do a puzzle or something.”

“That sounds really nice,” Bob says.

As they all head to the elevator, Steve jogs up to Bucky, grabbing him by his flesh shoulder. “Hey, Jamie.”

Bucky stills beneath his touch.

“I know that… that my reputation precedes me and that… that someone like you who has his own version of the serum, one in this new modern world, I’m sure you have even more of an understanding of what you can do and who you are because of it. To be completely honest, I’m still not used to all of this, everything I’ve become.” He shakes his head. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, I don’t want that to make you think any sort of way about me and that I want to get to know you just as Steve and Jamie. Now, I don’t know much about why you’re called Winter Soldier, and I can tell that it’s a long story, one that’s probably not so nice too. And… that ain’t any of my business. But, uhm. Now that we’re on a team together, I hope you know that… that I’m here to listen. If you need it. Or to talk. About other things, not just team things, or, or supersoldier things—”

“I’d like that,” Bucky cuts him off. Bucky searches Steve’s eyes that soften with relief, still buzzing with anxiety. He hadn’t realize how lonely Steve was fresh out of the ice. No, how alone he felt and how terrified he felt about reaching out. “It’s… you’re right. It’s not a pretty story. And I don’t think I’m ready to tell you yet. But I’d like to get to know you. I don’t know a lot of people.”

“You’ve got your team.”

“Yeah, but that’s because I got stuck with them. I don’t have a lot of people in my life I choose to know.”

“Well, aren’t you stuck with me too? I know how Fury has been with the Avengers Initiative. I can’t imagine he gave you more of a choice.”

Bucky chuckles darkly. “Yeah, you could say that. But, still, I’m here right now talking to you and not Stark, and believe me, there’s a reason for that.”

Steve laughs. “He can be abrasive.”

“But?”

Steve’s lips quirk up. “That was it.”

And then Bucky is joining him in his laughter and for a moment, it’s back to a normal he forgot he had, back in 1941, back before everything went to shit. 

He knows it can’t last. 

But he can’t help but hold onto it before it’s stolen away.

Chapter Text

Who knew a shower could be so rejuvenating?

Lots of people, probably, who take showers more frequently than them.

Bucky shut down after his encounter with Steve and he can tell his team is regarding him with caution.

It’s Ava who breaks through the unspoken barrier and approaches him.

“What the hell was that?”

Bucky holds back a wince. “I was—“

“Err!” She loudly mimics a buzzer. “Hear that? That’s me cutting off your bullshit.”

“That’s stupid as fuck.”

“And so are you.” Her expression softens. “Why did you lie to him?”

Bucky’s head falls back. “I don’t know . I panicked! Honestly. That’s the pathetic truth. I saw him and he wasn’t the old man that I’ve been loathing for the past years. No, he’s the Steve I remember, back where my memories get murky. He’s just so… good.”

“This is going to blow up in your face. Epically.”

“You don’t think I know that? But… but it’ll be nice to pretend. Just for a little while.”

Ava pauses, taking him in. “He’s not your him, you know.”

“I know.”

“And you’re not his either.”

“I know. Okay? I know I’m not. God, if Sam saw what an idiot I’m being he’d—“ Bucky stops. “I never got to see if we’d work it out,” he says quietly. “Me and Sam. We got so wrapped up in the New Avengers that things just… blew up. And now he’s out there somewhere, Riley’s still alive, and he doesn’t—“

Ava tilts her head. “Doesn’t what?”

“Doesn’t need me anymore.”

To his surprise, Ava pulls him into a hug. Bucky melts into her touch, resting his chin on her hair, wrapping his arms gently around her, afraid if he clings to her the way he desperately wants to that he’ll hurt her.

“Okay, I’m over all this sappy shit. It’s time for me to get something to eat. I feel like my stomach's gonna cave in. You gonna join me?”

“Yeah. I think I will.”

“You know you can’t exactly chow down with a muzzle on,” she says. 

“JARVIS has already seen my face. It’s not the rest of them that I’m afraid of seeing me.”

Bucky spoke too soon.

As he and Ava head to the communal kitchen, the two barely catch the sound of a dagger swiftly flying through the air. 

Ava steps in front of Bucky and phases through it, grabbing it before it hits him.

“What the hell?” Ava shouts.

On the other side of the room, Natasha Romanoff stands ready to strike, two daggers filling both palms and face dark. 

“Soldat,” she spits. 

“Ah fuck,” Bucky says. “I forgot about this.”

“About what?” Ava hisses.

“I don’t understand what you’re doing here or why Fury would take you in, but I don’t trust you,” Natasha says. 

“Let’s just all take a breath,” Ava says, holding her hands in surrender and taking a cautious step towards Natasha. “And put down the weapons.”

It’s then that Natasha notices that Bucky has taken no move to defend himself, no weapon in hand to mirror her, and his face too emotive to be the blank killer that she had met. 

“Hello, Black Widow,” Bucky says in Russian.

“What the fuck dude?” Ava says. “Don’t be a creep about it. You’re doing that thing. Where you’re being a creep.”

Bucky sigh. “Romanoff.”

“Zimniy Soldat.” Bucky flinches at the title and Natasha studies him with analytical scrutiny. “You’re….”

“Not a brainwashed murder machine? Yeah. As much as I can be,” Bucky says. It hits him at that moment that he doesn’t know if his immunity to his trigger words has traveled back with him or if his past body, past brain is still susceptible to HYDRA’s manipulation. Nope. That’s a problem for later.

“How?”

“Time,” Bucky says. “Technology I don’t understand. Therapy.”

“The 3 T’s to unwrite Russian brainwashing,” Ava quips. 

Bucky punches her lightly in the shoulder to which she goes to punch him back but pauses, realizing she’s on the metal side. 

“You keep saying brainwashed,” Natasha says.

“A story for another time. I’d really like to get something to eat before I start trauma dumping my life’s story.”

Natasha doesn’t smile at the joke, but she does follow him to the kitchen. There’s mountains of various takeout — a stack of pizza boxes, white clam boxes filled with various Asian dishes, and catering trays filled with Mexican and Italian food.

“It’s a fucking feast,” Ava says, eyes lighting up as she starts to fill her plate. 

“Well, we do have four supersoldiers,” Bucky says.

“God. The Avengers are so overpowered now,” Ava says. 

“Oh, we are so OP,” Walker says, making his entrance. “I mean, c’mon. They—” He stops, seeing Natasha, and gives her a courteous smile. “Hello.”

“Captain John Walker,” Natasha says coolly. 

Walker doesn’t make the mistake of regarding her by name, instead turning to the food. “Oooh. Is that shrimp scampi?”

“How’s Clint?” Bucky asks, ignoring Walker.

“What does it matter to you?” Natasha all but snaps. She is protective of Clint, Bucky knows this, and he’s sure she doesn’t like that the Winter Soldier is asking him by name.

“Heard what Loki did to him. No one deserves that.”

She takes in his words, thinks back on the mentions of brainwashing, and for the first time in their conversation, she softens. 

What follows is an incredibly uncomfortable meal as Bucky and Walker inhale several plates of food while Ava and Natasha clean off a single plate and then engage in a tense staring contest, both mostly pointing their attention to Bucky. It takes everything in him not to acknowledge it and he’s finishing a second serving of birria when he hears familiar footsteps approach. Bucky quickly puts his mask back on, making Natasha tense and reach for her weapon, when Steve comes in looking as exhausted as Bucky feels. He brightens when he sees the others, quickly shoving down his tiredness and plastering on a smile. 

“Hope there’s still some left for me,” Steve says.

“Oh, plenty,” Walker says. “I don’t know if there’s enough room in the fridge for all of the leftovers.”

“Then I guess I better get something to eat.” Bucky can tell when Steve notes Bucky and Walker’s stack of paper plates. He clears his throat. “So, what are your plans after this?”

The three time travelers still.

“I… don’t know,” Ava says.

Steve chuckles bitterly. “Yeah. Me neither.”

“I’m sure Fury has plans for us,” Bucky says, unable to hide the bite in his words. 

“Yeah, guess you’re right.”

It’s Bob who comes in next, looking like complete and utter shit. He’s trembling, his skin clammy and pale, and wet hair sticking to his already sweaty forehead. 

“Bob,” Ava says, standing from her chair. “Where’s—”

“She’s taking a shower,” Bob says. “I would’ve waited but, uhm. I didn’t want to be alone.”

Ava immediately ushers him into a seat between her and Bucky and takes his hand in hers. “You should eat.”

“Please? I feel like I’m starving,” Bob admits quietly.

Ava’s brows shoot up. She doesn’t know much about withdrawal and expected it to lower his appetite, not increase it. “Want anything in particular?”

“Literally anything. I can’t… I don’t know how to choose right now.” He looks anxiously between everyone else’s plates, the variety overwhelming.

“I’ll get you some of that pizza.” 

Bob sighs with relief. “Pizza sounds great.”

Ava can feel Natasha’s stares and Steve’s questioning.

It’s Steve who breaks the silence first. 

“Super soldier appetites, am I right? I feel like I can never eat enough after a fight.” 

“Oh, no. This is because of the meth withdrawal. But hey. What’dya do about it, y’know.” Bob gives him a sheepish, self deprecating smile, but freezes when he sees the horror fill Steve’s face. Bob ducks his head. “Uhm.”

“You don’t owe us an explanation,” Steve says. “I’m sorry I asked.”

Bob shrugs. “You didn’t know.” To avoid continuing the conversation, Bob takes a small nibble of bread and struggles to get it down, following with another miniscule bite after miniscule bite. Another awkward silence falls over them before Yelena’s petrified voice echoes through the halls, her footsteps growing closer with terrified haste. 

“Bob?!” 

Bob sits up. “Yelena!”

It takes Natasha a moment of shock, disbelief, and denial before Yelena comes around the corner and immediately runs to Bob. “You can’t just— you can’t just leave like that Bob. I thought something—”

“I’m sorry,” Bob whispers, shrinking into his seat.

Yelena deflates. "No,” Yelena shakes her head. “I— I’m sorry. You are allowed to go wherever you want. I just… I came out and you weren’t there and—”

“You thought the worst. I get it. I should’ve let you know I was leaving.”

“Yelena?” Natasha whispers.

Yelena’s head snaps up and eyes start to fill with tears as she sees her sister, alive and young, so young. 

“Na—”

“Yelena! Yelena, you must try this soap. It is like butter on skin. I smell delightful. You—” Alexei turns the corner, wearing only a towel, and also freezes, seeing Natasha. “Oh.” For the first time, Alexei is completely silent, just taking in the sight of his once dead daughter. 

Natasha stands up, pointing a gun at Yelena, the muzzle darting between her and Alexei. “I don’t… I don’t understand. Is this a test? A… a trick?”

“It is not a trick,” Yelena says. “And it is not a test.”

Natasha looks between the two of them, a little broken, and so utterly lost. “Then why are you here? Why are you both here?” 

Steve, who jumped out of seat when Natasha did, tries to place distance between her and her two targets. “Hey. Let’s just calm down. Natasha, who are they?”

“Her sister,” Yelena says.

“And her father.”

“You are not,” Natasha breaks off into an almost hysterical laugh. “You are not my family.”

Devastation cracks into Yelena and Alexei. They expected it. They did. They just weren’t prepared for how much it would hurt.

“Man. And I thought her reaction to the Winter Soldier was bad,” Ava mutters.

“Can we please put away the guns in my tower?” The tense air is interrupted by Tony’s entrance. “I mean, c’mon. You’d think it’s common courtesy. Don’t smoke inside, don’t point guns at each other, I mean, guys, have some manners.” He whistles as he notices the dent that Steve, Walker and Bucky made in the food. “I’m glad I over-ordered. Keeping up with your stomachs is going to cost a fortune on its own. Now, it seems there’s some drama going on and while I’d love to dig into it, I need a drink. And it seems you all do too. Robocop, you seem like you’d enjoy a sex on the beach.”

“Natasha,” Yelena says, taking a step closer. “I know you won’t believe it, but we aren’t here for you.”

And somehow, those words cut deeper than any admission that this was a ploy just to hurt her. 

“Then why are you here?” Natasha asks lowly. 

“Because there’s things bigger than what we saw today,” Bucky says. “And we’re going to need more than just the Avengers to survive it.”

Chapter Text

“What does that mean?” Natasha asks. “That there’s something bigger out there?”

“I saw it,” Tony says, voice hollow. “While I was flying up with that nuke that Shadow the Hedgehog over there disappeared with his mind along with the alien army.”

“I feel like I’m more of a Tails,” Bob says, raising his hand.

“There’s something out there, something worse than what we fought today, and I for one would much rather have a team with four trained supersoldiers than whatever team of misfits Fury originally put together for us.”

“Let’s not dwell on that,” Walker says. “We stopped the aliens, right? We deserve to celebrate! Or at the very least, relax.”

“Walker is right!” Alexei says, his boastful voice weaker than usual, the hit to his heart from Natasha’s rejection diminishing the glory of victory. “I am sure there will be debrief after debrief tomorrow, but for today, we shall rest.”

Natasha pushes away from the table first, storming out gracefully, avoiding Yelena and Alexei’s intense gazes. 

It’s then that Bruce enters, dragging his feet with exhaustion and taking a seat with them hesitantly with the plate he filled with curry and biryani. 

“What did I miss?” he asks, voice quiet. 

“Bruce, right?” Ava says, turning to the meek man. 

“Uhm, yeah. And, sorry, you’re…?”

“Ava,” she says, holding out a hand to shake. 

“I saw what you did out there. I mean, not when— I saw the news footage. How…?”

“It’s not a pretty story,” she says. 

“Oh,” Bruce says, nodding thickly. “I understand that.”

“I’ve got another guy too,” Bob says, waving awkwardly. “It, uh, isn’t very nice. But Hulk seems like a pretty cool guy.”

“Seriously?” Bruce says. 

“Oh yeah,” Walker says, with a mouthful of food. “The other guy sucks. You do not want to meet it.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Bruce says, ducking his head as he takes a spoonful of food to politely exit himself from the conversation.

“So what’s the story behind all this?” Tony asks, gesturing vaguely at them. 

Alexei at some point excused himself to get changed — and probably cry, Yelena notes to herself, knowing they’ll have to talk about it eventually — so he isn’t here to tell the tall tale of how the team had come to be.

“We were covert operatives,” Yelena says. “And we were put on a team together.”

“Ah, the underground types. Must be weird to have your closeups. I know the other two spies haven’t been taking easily to it.”

They all try not to flinch at the term “closeups,” a term that Valentina enjoyed to throw around.

“Definitely didn’t expect to make our debut like this,” Bucky says. 

“So, how long have you been working together?” Steve asks. “You clearly are familiar with each other.” Unlike us, goes unsaid. 

“It’s been a little over a year,” Ava says. 

Tony whistles. “Then you’ve definitely got a leg up on us. I mean, seriously, I don’t know what Fury was thinking.”

They all chuckle awkwardly. 

“Well, you know Fury,” Bucky says. “He’s a cryptic bastard who only tells you what he wants you to know.”

“And amen to that,” Tony says, holding up his glass before taking a long drink. 

They all eventually break off, being shown to their rooms for the night, winding down and get dressed into the plain pajamas that Stark provided with the rooms.

Bob immediately finds himself in Yelena’s room, wringing his hands nervously and avoiding her gaze. 

“Yelena, I’m scared.”

She stands from her perch from the bed, rushing to him. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m worried that I don’t have control of… it.” He looks up at the ceiling, clearly noting the surveillance of JARVIS. “The withdrawals they’re… they’re making me so tired. And I’m worried if I go to sleep, it won’t be me who wakes up.”

Yelena takes his hand and hisses as the echoes of gunshots, whips, and screams surround her. “Bob. You need to sleep.”

“But what if I hurt them? What if it comes back and I can’t stop it?”

“Then we’ll help you again. You’re not alone, Bob.”

Bob sighs. “I know.”

“Come. Lay down. Sleep.”

So Bob does. 

And as fatigue pulls at his consciousness, exhaustion settling in and the reprieve of sleep overcomes him, Bob drifts away…

Chemicals course through Bruce’s bloodstream. The pain is all consuming. He didn’t know it was this possible to feel this way, atoms rewriting themselves, threading into something grotesque and different and wrong.

There’s a monster inside of him. There is a monster that consumes him. There is a monster that is him and he is the monster and there is no together, just two separate atrocities that should not exist nor coexist.

His scream turns into a roar, his skin stretching as his body turns into something unrecognizable. He watches with horror as he transforms into this crime of nature.

He is a passenger to the creature, feeling the impressions deep within the fog as it destroys his life’s work, destroys his life.

It is relentless. It is insatiable. It is everything Bruce refused to believe himself to be. 

But the monster is him, a part of him, a creation from and because of him.

And it’s when he returns to his human flesh, looking down at his unblemished, unmarried hands that he truly feels the monster he is.

The monster is him and he is the monster and the monster is his and he is—

The air is damp and thick, the scent of the cave stale yet piercing against his nose. 

The pain in his chest is insurmountable. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to move. It hurts.

Tony watches with confused horror as he sees himself rip his shirt open and reveal that chunk of metal stuck into his skin.

“What the hell did you do to me?” His other self asks, voice hoarse, eyes haunted.

Yinsen, and God look at him, alive and grinning cheekily, so unphased by the horrors that they’re living in.

He’s whistling. Tony forgot about that. How much Yinsen would whistle.

“What I did?” Yinsen chuckles. “What I did was to save your life.”

“You did,” Tony says, stumbling towards Yinsen. “You did save my life.”

The image warps and his other self is in the Iron Man suit, the first original suit, and Yinsen is on the ground, bleeding out and wheezing and dying.

“My family’s dead. I’m going to see them now, Stark. It’s okay. It’s… I want this. I want this.”

“No,” Tony begs. “No, you gotta hold on, Yinsen.” He turns to his other self. “Why aren’t you doing anything?! Why aren’t you saving him?!” Tony falls to his knees beside Yinsen. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m—“

The chilly air stings Steve’s nose, the wind freezing against his skin as the train races. Steve clings to the side of the train, Bucky barely hanging onto the bar just feet away from him. Steve climbs the side, so close yet so far.

“Bucky!” Steve watches himself scream. “Grab my hand!” 

Bucky’s hand reaches out to him, so trusting, belief that his best friend will save him him, but the bar breaks, and Bucky descends into the snow with a bloodcurdling scream.

The scene loops. 

“Bucky! Grab my hand!”

Steve is so close yet so far. Bucky is holding on for dear life. 

“No,” Steve breathes. “No, no, no!” He tries to push past his other self to get to Bucky but loses his own grip, falling with Bucky.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Stuck in this torturous repetition, not even a minute, as he watches himself fail over and over again, unable to do anything about it.

It takes what feels like hours before he’s able to reach Bucky, but the illusion changes, a hand gripping his wrist and twisting. 

It’s Bucky. A Bucky who doesn’t look himself, eyes dark and tired and haunted, grip stronger than it should be.

“You can’t change what’s already happened, Steve,” he says, his voice rough, eyes stained with tears.

“I have to try,” Steve pleads, tears already drained from him. 

“You can’t,” Bucky says. “You have to move on. You won’t be able to get out if you don’t.”

“Get out?”

Metal snapping. A scream. Wind howling. “Bucky! Grab my hand!”

“No. No! I can’t leave—“

“You already did.”

The words hit him like ice coursing through his veins. 

“Take my hand,” Bucky says, holding out his gloved hand. “I’ve got you, Steve.”

“I miss you so much,” Steve whispers, a sob breaking the words. 

Bucky’s eyes flash with pain and sorrow. “I missed you too.” 

Steve takes his hand and it feel so solid that it’s hard to deny that this isn’t real. 

“C’mon,” Bucky says. “We have to get through the worst of it and find the others.”

“The others?”

Chapter Text

The gun is cold against her tiny palm.

The kickback from the shot reverberates through her tiny shoulders.

The pain is accustomed and numbing in her tiny body. 

The knife is heavy and sharp in her tiny palm.

The blood is warm against her pallid skin.

The pain is… is…

The neck strangled between her palms is tiny.

Their breaths are wheezed and choked.

Their bones break beneath her tiny palms, their blood is warm against her pallid skin, the pain is… the pain… the…

It’s a torturous loop, watching herself grow through the years, slaughtering the more she ages. 

It’s a torturous loop, watching herself diminish through the years, punished for her failures and forced to learn.

It’s a torturous loop, watching herself warp and break and unbreak until she is unrecognizable yet what she recognizes in the mirror.

It’s a torturous loop, it’s torturous, it’s a loop, it’s…

“Natasha!” A faraway voice yells, echoed and muffled and distant.

Cold against her palm.

Heavy and sharp in her palm.

Warm against her skin.

The pain. The pain. The pain.

“Natasha!”

A hand grabs her shoulder and immediately she fights back. 

The gun. The blood. Their breaths.

The pain, the pain, th—

The fight is brutal, ravenous nearly, instinct and training beaten into her taking over her. Her enemy is formidable (and familiar, so familiar, yet so far away, where have you been, what happened to you, why are you here) and it’s not until she’s taken aback, detained by a tight grip by a figure three times her size.

“Natalia, it is us, we will not hurt you,” the deep lilted voice says, making her head feel like it’s prickled with needles.

And then she finally sees. She sees through this illusion and is left to face the ghosts of her past. 

“What… what’s happening?” Natasha asks, uncomfortable at how off guard she is around the two.

“We are in the void. A place that holds your innermost shame,” Yelena explains.

“Why? No. How? Did Loki—”

“Not exactly,” Yelena says. “It would be best we explain this outside or else—”

A knife flings past Natasha face, barely grazing her cheek. 

“That happens,” Alexei finishes. “Come, we must get out of here. Together.”

.-~*~-.

Not again. 

That’s what Walker thinks when he wakes up back into his shame room.

It’s the room with Olivia and JJ again and Walker groans. How many times does he have to face his past failure? How many times does he have to come to terms with his neglect and abandonment of his family?

But the scene changes and Olivia looks at him. Not the memory him. Him him.

“You left us, John.”

He’s frozen in his spot, the words caught in his throat.

“You left us, back in the future to come back and live your pipe dream of actually being worthy of the shield.”

“No. I— I didn’t do this,” he says, taking staggered steps towards her. “Bob did.”

“It’s always excuses with you, isn’t it John? Well, you don’t have to worry about JJ anymore.”

“What do you—”

The world tips and he’s in a new room. Him stripping himself of the battered US Agent costume, JJ’s cries background noise to this vengeful man he once was.

And then the cries disappear.

“JJ?” Walker gasps. He tries to follow where the sound was but is met with an unsolvable maze. “JJ?!”  He starts to rip apart what he can, tearing through the labyrinth of memory. 

“He’s not here, Walker.”

Walker snaps around and meets Ava’s sad eyes.

“No. He is," Walker insists. "I just have to find him."

“We’re in the past, John. Almost 15 years in the past. And John Jr. he… he’s not…”

Realization dawns on him and his heart drops. “He’s not born yet. No. No. He— he can’t—” Walker shakes his head. “No. I’ll just… Olivia and I are still together now, we’ll—”

“What? Have sex 14 years from now? On the exact date and exact time that even you don’t know? At the possibility that you’ll have the same baby that would become JJ? And even if you did, he wouldn’t be your JJ. Because you’re not the same John Walker. And that’s a good thing.”

“How?”

“Because you’re a better man. Don’t get me wrong, you’re not a good man, but…. you’ll never be the same father you were to him. So he’d never become the son you knew.”

Walker scrubs at his eyes. “Why do you know so much about this? Why have you thought of this? Why haven’t you said anything?!"

“Because… you needed to realize yourself. I’ve been studying quantum mechanics for nearly my entire life. There are things about time travel, things that are constant and things that can never be. And when I realized when we are, I realized there’s more than just us that’s been impacted by the change in time.”

Walker darkens. “Bob—”

"Didn’t have control of his powers. Just like he doesn’t now.”

“So he just gets a pass. For fucking with our lives. For fucking with my life.”

“No. He doesn’t. But—”

“But what, Ava? My son is dead. For all intents and purposes, my son is dead and will be dead and will never be alive again. And for what? So I can be an Avenger? So I can go back to a time where everyone I love is still in my life but my son will never exist? It’s a fucked up trade off. It’s— how could I ever choose—”

“You don’t have to choose. Because you don’t have a choice in this. It’s happened. It’s done. So, what are you going to now?”

Walker stops and ponders over her words. “I… am going to get out of this stupid fucking void and I’m going to punch Bob in his pathetic face.”

.-~*~-.

Oh, his time with Palladium poisoning is definitely not one of his proudest moments. Seeing himself piss himself on a stage in front of a giant crowd is… embarrassing doesn’t even encapsulate it. 

Tony is a smart man. He became aware of how where he is works pretty quickly. His worst hits on repeat unless he breaks through the facade of walls separating his memories. 

Doesn’t get him any closer to getting out though.

He follows Rhodey out of the mirage party and stumbles upon rubble and wreckage.

There’s a roar filling the air and Tony stumbles back at the sight of The Hulk and The Abomination fighting off, something he knows he wasn’t personally involved with which meant…

“Banner!” Tony shouts. “Bruce!”

A comparatively smaller figure flinches in the distance and Tony grabs his arm making him flinch even harder.

“Stark?” Bruce exclaims with shock. “What are you… what are you doing here?”

“Beats me,” Tony says. “But all I know is I want to not be here.” 

Bruce pushes his crooked glasses up his nose. "I think that we are caught in a—"

"Hell where our worst memories repeat over and over again? Yeah. I figured that out."

"The question is why," Bruce says. "And why these memories? You would think it would latch onto fear, but instead I feel this..."

"Shame," Tony finishes, voice small.

"Exactly."

"What does something gain from latching onto our shame?"

"I don't gain anything."

They both jump, meeting the kicked puppy eyes of Bob.

"You did this?" Tony asks, voice low.

"No. My... my other guy did."

Another distant roar.

"I can see what you meant about it not being nice."

Bob rubs the back of his neck. "Yeah. I'm sorry about that."

"Why does it do this?" Tony asks, his inquisitive scientist mind more curious than concerned about the predicament they've found themselves in.

"My powers they're... they're like yin and yang. Or... the dark side and the light side."

"So, wait, let me get this straight. You're saying every time you use your powers it unleashes and evil version of you?"

"Uhm. Essentially."

"That's incredibly inefficient."

"More like inconvenient." Bob shrugs.

"So, how do you use your powers then?"

"Oh, I usually don't," Bob says, lips tilting up slightly. "Don't really like letting the void out."

"Then why did you—" Tony stops. "Oh right. Alien invasion. Duh." Tony huffs. "Well, I don't know about you two, but I'd really like to not be here. So," Tony holds his repulsor that had somehow come with him in this hellish nightmare realm to the rubble that looks just a little too fake, "are you two coming or what?”

.-~*~-.

When Steve and this odd dream Bucky burst through the wall, Bucky goes completely still, his face shuddering and going blank. 

Steve follows his eyeline and his breath catches. 

On the table is Bucky, stripped down to just his briefs, arm amputated and face twisted in pain. There’s something metal against his temples and Steve realizes too late what they are and watches with horror as Bucky is electrocuted and he screams in agony.

Steve goes to run to him but Bucky holds him back. 

“There’s nothing you can do for him,” Bucky says.

“No. I have to—”

“You can’t save him. Not anymore.” Bucky takes Steve’s hand in his. It's then that Steve really looks at this dream Bucky. There's something deep in those eyes that Steve knows innately, knows is Bucky, but there's this armor around him, like he's protecting himself from the world. No. Protecting himself from Steve. “C’mon. We have to get to the next room.”

If Steve thought he was unprepared for this demented hall of memories, he’s wholly unprepared to see himself, no serum in his veins, tiny and frail and sick, holding his dying mother’s hand.

“Ma,” he whispers. 

Bucky doesn’t hold him back this time. He lets Steve go and stumble beside his mother’s bedside, committing her face to memory, allowing himself to listen to her voice one last time.

“We’re getting close,” Bucky says. “I can feel it.”

Steve tears his eyes away from his mother. “Close to what?”

“Getting out of here.”

Steve's head lifts and he meets Bucky's eyes. “And where is here?”

“Your mind.”

Steve curses. “Loki?”

“No. Worse. But…. also better. Because I know how to get us out.”

“How?”

Bucky sighs. “Unfortunately, the power of friendship.”

“... What?”

Chapter Text

When the next room takes them to an all too familiar street with a wrecked car that haunts Bucky with the ghosts of the past he didn’t quite remember, his breath catches in his throat.

“No,” Bucky breathes. “Steve. Let’s… we’ve gotta get outta here.”

“Is that… Howard?”

“Steve. C’mon.”

When the Winter Soldier stalks up to the drivers seat, Steve’s brows furrow, lost and confused. “Jamie?”

The merciless gunshots make Steve flinch and he falls against Bucky’s chest, trembling into him like he’s 100 pounds and huddling for warmth in the Brooklyn winter.

Bucky immediately wraps his flesh arm around Steve, disgusted in himself and unworthy to comfort the man.

“Let’s go, Steve,” Bucky murmurs. 

Steve just nods against his chest and lets himself get led into the next room.

The two stumble into the cockpit of the Hydra bomber that sent Steve into ice.

Steve shudders looking around at the familiar setting.

“I never thought I’d come back from this,” Steve says, voice hollow. “I mean, why would I?”

“Your sacrifice saved New York.”

Steve laughs dryly to himself. “Sacrifice. Right.”

Bucky frowns, taking a step towards his friend. “Steve?”

“When I woke up again, I just wondered, why me? Why did I get chosen? Why did I have to live when they didn’t get to? What did Captain America matter when the hero,” he spits the word out like it’s poison, “isn’t a hero at all.”

“You are,” Bucky says weakly. 

“No I’m not!” Steve snaps. “I’m not a hero. I’m selfish! I’m weak! I’m… I’m tired. Fuck, I’m so tired.”

It hits Bucky and he wants to be sick. “You wanted to die in that plane.”

“Of course I wanted to die! Do you think I sent an airplane nosediving into the arctic because I wanted to survive?”

A thick silence falls between them. 

“Bucky was dead. You were dead, and I didn’t know how to keep going on without you.” He chuckles bitterly. “At least I could pretend I was going out a hero instead of a coward. But I’m no hero. I’m just a man. A man that lost everything.”

Bucky takes Steve’s hand and his head snaps to meet his eyes. “You may have lost… but you didn’t lose everything.”

Steve smiles tearily. “I lost you.”

“Steve—“

As the plane makes its descent, Bucky prepares for the impact but instead is met with quiet.

Cold.

Cold.

His mind starts to get foggy and he grips Steve’s hand to stay grounded to the present.

It’s when he feels arms wrap around him from behind that he shakes out of his stupor and to his surprise is met with Walker.

“You back with us, Bucky boy?” 

Bucky shakes him off. “Get off me.” Bucky looks around and recognizes the cemented columns and the illusion of US Agent killing the Flag Smasher. 

Walker flinches at the sound of his screams and Ava grips his arms.

“We’re almost out,” Ava says.

“Yeah,” Bucky says. “I feel it too. We’re close.”

“You see him too?” Steve breathes.

Ava rolls her eyes but looks to Bucky. It’s Walker who takes over instead.

“Yeah. And do you see that?” He points to his other self.

Steve nods. “Point taken.”

The scene shifts once more and they’re sent to a New York shrouded with darkness, the black silhouette of their friend floating in the air.

“Oh boy,” Bob murmurs.

Walker, as promised, storms up to Bob and punches him hard in the jaw.

“Walker!” “What the fuck, man?”

Bucky holds Walker back but he doesn’t put up a fight.

“What the hell was that for?” Yelena shouts at Walker.

The OG Avengers all look at the Thunderbolts with confusion and morbid curiosity. 

“JJ is dead because of him,” Walker spits.

Those in on the time travel deflate with empathy and grief. 

“Walker,” Bucky starts, letting his grip loosen.

“Whatever. What’s done is done. Now, get in here, asshole.”

The OG Avengers watch with even more perplexity as Walker pulls Bob into a hug. “I’m pissed as hell at you, Bobby, but I know you didn’t do it on purpose. And even though what you did may have wiped him from existence, the consequences of what’s gone on past what you’ve done aren’t directly on you and aren’t your fault.”

“I’m getting some major hot and cold right now,” Tony says, holding his hands up.

Alexei is the second to join in on the hug. “Bob! You must be kinder to yourself and not let your guilt consume you.”

Yelena snakes beneath the two of them to hug Bob. “It’s okay to feel and it’s not about deserving or being allowed.”

The darkness starts to lift.

“Oh, wow, you really weren’t kidding about the power of friendship,” Steve mutters.

Bucky wraps his metal arm around Bob’s middle. “Everything’s going to work out how it’s supposed to in the end even if things don’t make sense right now.”

Light cascades over them.

Ava places a hand on his shoulder. “We got a second chance because of you and we won’t waste it.”

And then everyone wakes up with a gasp in their own beds.

Steve reaches out to Bucky who is no longer there and he collapses back into his mattress, sweat soaked and the familiar numb sorrow washing over him again.

“JARVIS,” Steve says. “What time is it?”

“It is 5:21AM, Captain Rogers.”

Steve sighs and pulls himself out of bed. He makes his way to the balcony he spotted in the common area and is surprised to see Jamie already out there, metal arm resting on his knee as he looks out at the rising sun. 

When Steve approaches he sees that Jamie’s got his mask on.

“Hey,” Steve says.

Jamie just nods at him.

“You would not believe the dream I had. Nightmare, really.”

Jamie’s head tilts at his words. “Nightmare, huh?”

“Yeah,” Steve says. “It was all the worst moments of my life and my… my best friend was there. He… he died a long time ago. And then all of you were there sort of and then everyone was hugging and, you know what, dreams are weird. I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this.” Steve looks out at the multicolored sky. “It’s nice to know the sunset hasn’t changed.”

“Yeah,” Jamie says. “I missed it when I was with HYDRA.”

Steve stills. “When you were what.”

“Ah, fuck,” Jamie mutters. “I forgot you didn’t know yet.”

“Know what.” Steve stands.

“HYDRA’s… not as gone as you think it was.”

“No, I brought that plane down—“

“You knew that plane wasn’t the end of HYDRA.”

Steve flinches back, the words hitting too close to the truth. “I don’t understand.”

“HYDRA’s infiltrated SHIELD. And a lot of other places.”

“And, what, you’ve just let it be?”

“Hey, man, I just got out yesterday. Give me a break.”

Steve stops. “You… yesterday?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Then uncomplicate it.”

“It’s not my story to tell.”

They end up in a staring match and Steve feels his chest constrict as he looks into his eyes.

“Did you kill Howard Stark?”

It’s his turn to flinch. “Yes.”

Steve takes in his words. “Was any of that really a dream?”

“No.”

With moves so slow, Steve knows the other man can flee at any moment, but he doesn’t. Steve cups the mask, trembling hand against cold metal. When he pulls it away, his heart freezes in his throat.

Bucky smiles sadly up at Steve. “Hey, pal. It’s been a while, huh?”

Chapter Text

Yelena stirs a pot of Kraft mac and cheese, Alexei sitting at the other side of the island.

“Kate Bishop is probably a child now,” Yelena says. “Out there in her big house and her fancy clothes, watching clips of the Avengers on her computer and wanting to be just like Clint Barton one day.” 

“You don’t talk about her,” Alexei says. “Kate Bishop.”

“I don’t talk about a lot of things,” Yelena says. She looks down at the pot sadly. “Kate Bishop made shit mac and cheese. So bland. So bad.”

“Kraft mac and cheese changed their recipe.”

“No they did not.”

“Yes they did. It is less cheesy now. Or… it was. Will be. But now it is more cheesy. Taste, taste! You will see.”

Yelena takes a spoonful and stills before a moan of delight leaves her throat. “Oh wow. That is so much better. Why did they change it?”

“Who knows? Companies changing things all the time. Like Cheetos. They changed their white cheddar Cheetos. They used to be so soft but now they are rough and hard and rip up your mouth. Or, well, they would rip mine if it were not indestructible against such a tiny foe.”

“Well they’re probably soft again now too.”

“You’re right,” Alexei breathes. “So many foods are back.”

“And so many foods are gone. Think of all the shit that came out in the past however long.”

“We probably should be more careful about how we talk about this stuff,” Bob says, his first words spoken since they escaped the Void. “I mean.” He points to the ceiling.

“Ah yes,” Alexei says. “Stark’s robot spy.”

“I am an artificial intelligence, Mr. Shostakov,” JARVIS corrects. “And though I may monitor and record in the main areas, I can assure you that Mr. Stark is a busy man and is not scrubbing through the footage in his free time.”

“Creepy,” Alexei says. “In prison there were many cameras but the other prisoners would wipe their shit on the lens so they could kill each other.”

“And with that, my appetite is gone. Bob?”

Bob cringes away. “No thank you.” He hesitates and then caves in, taking the pot and spoon from Yelena and digging in. “Isn’t Kate Bishop part of Sam’s Av— uhm. You know.”

“Yes. She was. Which is why we haven’t spoken in a while. And now there is no reason for us to. Not for another few years.”

“You still could.”

“And say what? It just… it wouldn’t make sense.” 

Alexei sighs, knowing that Yelena would not allow to be pushed any further now.

“Your sister seems… nice,” Bob says. “I’d only seen her on the news and stuff but she’s…”

“Don’t bullshit me, Bob. She hates us.”

“Okay, yeah. But still. I think she has the capacity to, y’know, not.”

“I hope so,” Alexei says, the words uncharacteristically grave. “Because I don’t know what will happen if she doesn’t.”

The three are interrupted by the sound of broken glass and shouts.

Immediately, the three run towards the ruckus only to find Tony holding Bucky by the throat on the ground, Bucky doing nothing to fight back, while Steve pries Tony away.

The man thrashes in Steve’s grasp, punching him hard in the nose and disorienting him enough to go back to lunging after Bucky.

It’s Walker who is able to hold Tony back enough for Yelena to rush to Bucky and place herself between the two men.

“What the fuck is happening right now?”

“This bastard killed my parents!”

“I think Stark piggybacked on Bucky’s shame room,” Bob says quietly.

“You do not understand,” Alexei starts.

“Oh, I understand plenty,” Tony says.

“No. You don’t,” Yelena says firmly. 

“Tony,” Steve says. “He was taken by HYDRA.”

That makes Tony stop fighting, though the rage in his eyes didn’t disappear. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Tortured,” Walker says. “Brainwashed. Fucked up so bad that he didn’t know his own name.”

“I think they get the point, Walker,” Bucky says, narrowing his eyes at the man he still hasn’t quite yet forgiven let alone become amicable with. 

Tony’s brows furrow as he looks between Walker and Bucky. He turns to Steve and grabs a fistful of his shirt. “Did you know?”

“Not until just now,” Steve says. 

Tony lets go of his grasp and takes a step back. “I… I need to think.”

And with that, he leaves to his lab. 

It’s Bob who follows Tony, trailing behind him and making his way down the familiar yet unfamiliar elevator.

“Why are you following me.” Tony glares at Bob. “I shouldn’t have even let you get down this far but I don’t like things I don’t know and I don’t know you. For all I know, you could turn into smoke and get through the door yourself.”

“Uhm, I can’t do that. As far as I know.”

“You know, I did a background check on all of you. Or at least, the ones that I could, and you? You aren’t anything special. In fact, your life’s pretty shit. Not even old enough to drink but addicted to the hard stuff. Criminal record, fired from nearly every job you’ve gotten — jobs you didn't hold onto very long might I add — fake prescriptions from more than a handful of fraudulent doctors, and hell, you’ve got the shakes right now and I’m sure if you could’ve you would have snuck in your fix. But hey, you’re an Avenger now, whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean. You think you have the chops for it? Or do you want to find another dank alleyway to shoot up in?”

“You’re projecting.”

“Excuse me?”

“Your struggle with alcoholism isn’t a secret. And your pride definitely isn’t. You were the original hero and now you have to face a group of strangers who you feel intimidated by.”

“I am not—“

“You are. And you have every reason to. Supersoldiers, assassins and spies. But you’re Tony Stark, the genius who made the Iron Man suit, who originated what it means to be a hero in our world. And you don’t even know how much you mean to that world. To the people in it.”

“And what, you’re one of those people?”

“Sure.” he shrugs. “I mean, you’re fucking Iron Man dude. I can’t believe I’m even talking to you right now.”

“And why are you?”

“I don’t know, dude. Because you’re right. I’m a nobody. I’m worse than a nobody. I’m someone so expendable that the only reason I can do what I can do is because I was a guinea pig destined to die while trying. But I didn’t die. And neither have you. Not yet. But it’s scary. Death is scary. And I think it’s a scary thing to see your parents die when you’ve gotten the distance and time to grieve.”

“Don’t talk about them.”

Bob holds his hands in surrender. “Just remember that sometimes there isn’t someone to blame. Sometimes there are actions done by people and those actions aren’t their own.”

“It was him. His hand on his gun.”

“And his memories erased through electrocution and his body tortured—“

“Do you want me to feel bad for him? That there’s some quota of suffering that makes what I’ve suffered through enough?”

“No. I just think you need perspective on something you don’t understand.”

“I understand enough.”

“Sure.”

“No. No, you don't get to do that.”

“You don’t want to hear what I have to say,” Bob says. “And it’s not on me to make you listen.” 

Tony continues to shout and cuss out Bob but he just heads to the elevator to join back with his friends. 

Chapter Text

Steve had barely gotten the chance to process Jamie being Bucky and Bucky being alive and HYDRA taking Bucky before Stark came and attacked him. 

Bucky had found his way to the gym, destroying a punching dummy, his metal arm swinging with such immense power that it makes Steve flinch.

“I know you’re lurking, Stevie,” he grunts as he continues to demolish the punching dummy.

“Bucky—“

Bucky lets out an especially aggressive punch and the dummy flies across the room, denting the wall. He sighs and holds his hands to his forehead. “What.”

“Bucky,” Steve says, voice wobbly. “You’re alive.”

“Yeah,” Bucky says. “I am. But I’m not the man you lost.”

“And I’m not the man I was when I lost you.”

“You don’t get it, Steve.”

“I know you, Buck. I know you and I know that despite everything that’s happened you’re still—“

“Did you know what broke me when HYDRA had me?” Steve goes silent. “It wasn’t the torture. Not at first, no. It wasn’t when they cleaned out what used to be my left arm with nothing to knock me out. It wasn’t when they were electrocuting my memories out of my head. No. It’s when they showed me you died.” Steve flinches back, eyes wide and teary. “I didn’t believe them at first but the evidence was irrefutable. It was then I realized that no one was coming for me. I think I held out hope that somehow you’d know that I… that you’d come get me like you did back in the war. But you were dead and I was as good as. And I stopped fighting.”

“Bucky—“

“I don’t remember all the people I killed for them. Sometimes I think it’s a blessing but most of the time I just feel guilty because they deserve to be remembered and I don’t deserve to get the reprieve of not knowing. I know that they were innocent, though. I know they had families. I know that they were loved. I know that it hurt when I killed them, not just how I killed them, but to those people who loved them. It hurt them the most because they were left alive to feel it.”

“Buck.”

“Wanna know what I do remember? I remember the satisfaction after the kill. Of going back to HYDRA and preening under their curt praise and waiting for my next order because even though I couldn’t remember my own name and even through I was their weapon to point, something in me was starving for a purpose, for something to feel, and when my purpose was taking out whoever they pointed me towards, I only felt completed when I finished a mission.”

Steve is just shaking his head, tears falling silently.

“I’m not a good man, Steve. So leave now while you can. Let me go before I ruin every expectation you have of who you think I’m supposed to be.”

“I’m not going to leave you—“

“But you did!” Bucky shouts and he immediately steps back, realizing the words are for someone that this young, naive man isn’t yet. 

“I didn’t know,” Steve cries. “If I had known—“

“Steve.”

“Bucky, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

And with that, Bucky deflates, seeing Steve for who he is. A lost 20 something year old who just got thrust into an unfamiliar world, who has yet to be hardened by all of his own wrongdoings and insurmountable loss he couldn’t stop. Steve who has found the first tether in this daunting, terrifying world, who he refuses to not recognize. 

Bucky pulls Steve close and Steve falls apart against him, tears soaking his shirt as he wails with grief he hasn’t let himself feel since he was pulled from the ice, and Bucky stands there, guilty and hating himself.

.-~*~-.

“Why are you still wearing your suit?”

Ava looks up from the mug of tea she’s stirring and meets Bruce’s eyes.

“What gives me the power of intangibility leaves my body is in a state of quantum energy deprivation, destabilizing every molecule inside of me leading to debilitating pain and is slowly killing me.” She smiles sardonically. “The suit helps. Somewhat.”

“I’m… I’m so sorry. Is there anything—“

“Unless you’ve got some quantum energy lying around, I don’t think you can help.”

“I’m sure Stark—“

“Stark wouldn’t—“ She stops because hey, in this new timeline, lives rewritten and unlikely alliances formed, Tony Stark may actually help her. He’d probably be ecstatic to one up Hank Pym in quantum technology and harness quantum energy to stabilize Ava before somehow use it to destroy greenhouse gases or something. “Huh.”

“Stark may be a jerk sometimes but he does care. More than you’d expect. I’m starting to figure that out for myself.”

“I’m sure Stark would want to help you too.”

Bruce shakes his head. “Oh, he can’t help me. Not with this.” 

“But he can help me?” Ava asks, cocking a brow.

“It’s not the same.”

“Yeah, it’s not. Which is even more the reason to get his help.”

“Just… thank you, Ava. But it’s not worth it.”

“You mean you aren’t.”

His head snaps up, eyes wide as he meets hers. 

“Bruce. You may never be able to get rid of the Hulk, but you are not a monster because of him, and he is not a monster because you are.”

He swallows thickly. “I’ll talk to Stark for you.” And with that he scurried out of the room.

Ava sighs. Baby steps. 

.-~*~-.

What am I doing? Walker thinks as he follows Natasha up to the roof. 

This isn’t any of his business. It’s Yelena and Alexei’s business.

But Walker has been in enough shared shame rooms with them both to know how much losing Natasha haunts them and he knows exactly what it does to someone when they push away their family.

Here comes the magic of a heartfelt monologue. Let’s hope his practice with Bob will be enough.

“I really fucked up with my family,” Walker says, joining Natasha who sits staring at the rising sun. 

She doesn’t acknowledge him.

“I was a shit partner. A shit father. And… and my son’s gone now.”

She tenses just slightly at his words but doesn’t turn to face him.

“My biggest regret is how I left my family before I lost them.” Walker takes a seat beside her. “Yelena and Alexei have lost a lot. But the thing they fear most is losing you again.”

“They didn’t lose me,” she snaps. “Alexei sold us off to the Red Room. And Yelena…” She trails off. “I got out. I got out and she didn’t.”

“But she did now,” Walker says. “Alexei? I get not wanting to forgive him. He’s an idiot at best and a selfish, obnoxious dick the rest of the time. But Yelena? She’s one of the best people I know.”

“You’re close?”

He snorts. “No. Absolutely not. She tolerates me at best. But she hated me when we met. Maybe she still does. I don’t blame her though. There’s a lot to hate.” His smile falters. “I know one thing for sure though. She doesn’t hate you. I don’t know if you hate her and I know my opinion means absolutely nothing to you, but I wasn’t kidding when I said Yelena is one of the best people I know. She will do anything to protect the people she loves. She’s selfless and kind and everything I’m not. So, take that as a glowing review from a guy who’s only gotten those from racist neonazis and people so far right that they fell off the side of the flat earth they believe in.”

“You’re a confusing man, John Walker.”

He laughs bitterly. “Yeah. I am, aren’t I?”

“What do you get out of all of this?” Natasha asks. “Out of all of them, you’re the one with the cleanest slate. Promising military career, at least before you left mid-deployment to come to New York and apparently part of a secret black-ops team with hardened criminals and killers.”

“I lost everything,” he says. “When I lost my family. And my… my reputation. It’s not going to show up on any document or file. They wouldn’t know about what happened. But I disgraced something good. Something important. I fucked it up for the sake of revenge and it ruined my life.”

“Revenge tends to do that.”

“Don’t let it bubble up,” Walker says. “Don’t regret losing the little time you have together.”

It’s when Walker is walking away that he realizes that maybe those words weren’t just for Natasha.

Chapter Text

So it turns out disappearing to another country without notifying any of your commanding officers or peers and showing up on the news fighting extraterrestrial terrors with superpowers you definitely didn’t have the day before will cause some confusion and alarm. 

Walker is thankful that SHIELD has taken the lead on pacifying the military’s questions and demands, but Walker has to face Lemar. 

He’s not ready when the call comes in, body going completely still when he hears his voice come through the tinny audio of his Motorola Droid. 

“John,” Lemar says, pacing on the other side of the phone, Walker is sure. “What the hell is going on, man? I thought maybe you went home with someone at the bar—"

"You thought I would cheat on Olivia?"

"I don't know what I thought! But I wasn't thinking that you were in New York fighting off aliens and now they’re saying you’re part of some secret superhero team like it’s a comic book and I don’t understand what’s going on—”

“Lemar,” Walker says. “Just take a breath.”

“Don’t tell me to take a breath,” Lemar snaps. “Just… please. Tell me what’s going on.”

“A lot of it is classified—”

Lemar scoffs.

“But what I can tell you is that… that there’s a lot going on that not even I understand. And that those aliens are just the tip of the iceberg.”

“That’s… cryptic as hell.” Lemar laughs slightly hysterically. “John, you were picking up cars in the videos I saw of you. You were punching through concrete. What— what did they do to you?”

Walker freezes at Lemar’s choice of words. What did they do to you? When he was given the opportunity to get the serum, the culmination of his career to represent his country and carry on Captain America’s legacy, of course he jumped at the opportunity. His acquired powers were the one thing that made him worth a damn now. Without them, what was he? Who was he?

“It’s—”

“If you say classified, I’m taking the next red eye to New York just to personally shut you up myself.”

Walker lets out a grief stricken chuckle. “I’ve missed you, Lemar.”

“It hasn’t even been a week since you went rogue.”

Walker pushes his palm against his eyes, trying to stave the tears that threaten to fall. “Yeah. I know. Still. And I hope you know that even after…  despite what I… I care about you, man. You’re the best partner I could’ve ever asked for.”

Silence. “Jesus, John, you’re talking like you’ve got a death sentence or something.”

“I don’t,” Walker says, the words holding too much that Lemar couldn’t possibly know.

“Are you safe?” 

“As safe as I could be.”

“Are you… are you okay?”

Walker pauses. “I don’t know. I think I am.”

“I know I was joking before, but if you need me there, I’m sure I could somehow convince them to—”

“No,” Walker says. “It’s… it’s not safe for you here.”

“What are you up against?”

“You wouldn’t believe me.”

“I’m believing a lot more these days.”

Walker laughs and a tear slips down his cheek. He wipes at it hastily, taking in a shaky breath. “I’ll tell it all to you one day. Promise. But…”

“You can’t now,” Lemar finishes. “At least… at least tell me if you’re in too deep, okay? I’ll be there. You know I will.”

“I do know,” Walker says. “And I can’t thank you enough because of it.” Walker chokes back a sob. “I’m sorry, Lemar.”

“For what?”

The words get caught in his throat. “For… for everything.”

Lemar goes quiet again. “John. Just, tell me. You’re gonna get out of this okay, right?” Alive, he doesn’t say.

“You know I don’t make promises I can’t keep.” Walker sniffles and wipes at his eyes again. “I’m sorry, Lemar. I gotta go. But… I’ll keep you updated. I’m sorry.” Walker hangs up before Lemar can reply and he throws his phone across the phone with a loud curse, letting himself cry for a short minute before willing the tears away and joining the rest of the team. 

.-~*~-.

Yelena is sparring with Alexei, Bob sitting criss-cross applesauce on the floor and keeping track of the points as he nibbles at a protein bar when Natasha comes in. 

“Mind if I tap in?”

Alexei and Yelena both watch her with trepidation and tightly concealed hope.  

“Go ahead,” Alexei says. 

The two circle around each other, eyes sharp and bodies taut like the trained predators they are. Within a blink they’ve gone from sizing each other up to lunging towards their opponent.  There’s a blur of dodges and blows between the two Red Room trained women. They know each other like breathing, every punch or kick familiarly ingrained in the other’s mind, moves anticipated with pure instinct. 

Natasha catches Yelena’s fist, trapping her arm, but Yelena twists her arm and flips her around.  Natasha catches herself and uses the momentum to get a hit in. Yelena takes the hit, winded but unphased by her strike and makes one of her own. Natasha immediately clocks the move and slinks away from the blow. 

Their hands meet, both holding back another hit, each blow met with their own. 

Yelena flips around her, swiping his foot beneath her legs to trip her. Natasha catches herself with a handspring, kicking out as she does. Yelena dodges, nearly grabbing her foot but just a moment too late, and Natasha surges towards her, sending a flying kick to her chest. She staggers back with a cough.

They circle each other once again with anticipation. Before she can dodge, Natasha takes Yelena’s arm, flipping her over her back and slamming her to the ground, face cool as she holds her down with her knee. 

“You're rusty,” Natasha says.

“I’d hope so,” Yelena says, flipping them around and pinning Natasha. “Haven’t been with the Red Room for a while. Seems like you are a little rusty too.” Yelena pulls away and flops to the mat beside Natasha, head turned to look at her. 

“How did you leave?” Natasha asks. “They…”

“It is a long story,” Yelena says. “One I am not ready to tell.”

“And why did you… why did you bring him here—”

“Alexei,” Yelena starts. “I know that what he did hurt us—”

“He gave us up! He sent us back!”

“We were going to be shipped back to the Red Room either way!” Yelena shouts. “I… believe me, Natasha, I’ve held my grudges. I was betrayed too. But that life, you were right. It was a cover. But it was real to me. It was always real to me. It wasn’t to you, though, and I think you always knew how it was going to end.”

“It shouldn’t have had to. Not like that.”

“I know that we are not related by blood. That our family wasn't… but you are my sister. You will always be my sister.”

“And what does that mean? Really? You said it yourself, that family, it was just an act. You’re really going to side with the man who pretended to care and sold you out anyway?”

“Alexei… he is like a father to me, even still. And I can’t… I don’t…” Yelena looks at Natasha with a lost expression, feeling like that little girl looking up to her big sister when things didn’t make sense. “Please do not make me choose. Please do not make me choose between you and him.”

Natasha stands, not meeting Yelena’s desperate gaze, and walks out.

.-~*~-.

“HYDRA,” Fury says, voice flat. 

“Yup.”

“HYDRA… like the ones Captain America fought in World War II? You’re telling me they’re still out there and in SHIELD?”

Bucky nods, glancing at Steve who sits stiffly, his restless foot the only indication of his anxiety.  “That’s correct.”

“And how do you know this?”

“Because I’ve been with HYDRA for the last 70 years.”

Bucky immediately regrets his bluntness when Steve flinches beside him. 

Bucky knows Fury’s microexpressions enough to know that this surprises him. “I see.” He leans forward. “So why tell me now? Why tell me at all?”

“Because I’ve defected,” Bucky says. “And I can guarantee they’ve noticed I’m missing and know exactly where I am and I’d very much prefer to be on the side that cares about my free will and not the ones who have tortured me in my every waking minute since 1945.”

Once again, Steve flinches at his words and Bucky feels a wave of guilt and shame.

“So this is a completely selfish endeavor then, huh? That’s your angle? No altruism to stop the Nazi organization that apparently can create supersoldiers and infiltrate one of the most secure organizations in the world?”

Bucky’s jaw clenches. 

“I don’t know much about you, Sergeant Barnes,” Fury says. “And I’ll be frank, I don’t like not knowing things. And provided this new information, I can see why I don’t. But what I do know, from what every book and biopic and museum exhibit says, you’re a good man. I don’t know if I truly believe in that, good men with good intentions, nor do I believe in the way history is preserved. But I do trust my gut, and my gut is telling me that somehow despite whatever it is you’ve been through and what they’ve done to you, that you’re on our side. How? How the hell should I know? For all I know, you could be planted here by HYDRA themselves and playing me right now. But to do what I do, I need to know how to recognize when an asset is advantageous, and having you on my team with the knowledge you have? Well, that’s priceless.” 

“Don’t call me an asset.”

Fury cocks a brow but nods. “Understood.” He leans back into his seat, crossing his arms. “So, what can you tell me?”

“Well, it started with Operation Paperclip and led to Alexander Pierce becoming the leader of HYDRA.”

Fury’s gaze grows stony. “Damn it,” he grits out.

“You better do some housekeeping, Fury,” Bucky says. “Because this goes all the way to the top.”

"Well then, in that case," Fury's lip quirks up. "Where do we start?