Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Blue is all alone, laying next to empty bottles and papers on the floor of the bedroom he and his friends share. His friends... They've always slept in the same room together since day one. Unless it was their Minecraft rooms, which would always be next to each other anyway. They had an unbreakable bond. How long has it been since they've met? Like over a decade?

... That's not a concern of Blue at the moment. The only problem he's mulling over is the last three lines waiting for him.

He can just do it now..

Can't he?

He can. He wants to. a lot. very much. Feels like his only purpose right now.

... He can't move.

After squirming on the ground as an effort to move, which fails, Blue giggles to himself.

He's wearing an expression that is a mix of exhaustion and happiness.

There's no thought behind his eyes.

He feels great.

He needs more.

More...

He hears the doors open and steps approaching him.

No, whoever it is, they can't end his happiness now. They can't!

"Alright. That's enough for today Blue."
Orange holds him under his shoulders and tries to lift him up. "You've got more important things to do than this."

"Noo but I only have three more! Let go of me!!"  Blue whines as he is getting dragged out of the room. He trashes and writhes in Orange's hold. His voice is getting louder, "I said let go!!"

Orange couldn't bear hearing Blue shouting anymore. It pierced through his skull every time. This thing had to stop. He longed the time when Blue was their calmest, gentlest one in the group. Now look at him... Losing his mind over things that are hurting him and his friends.

After a long struggling, screaming, angry trip, Orange manages to get Blue out of their home. They're both finally at the ground of the computer, the dim light of the screen hitting Alan's room can be seen.

He brings Blue to the couch, where Green was laying on with his headphones over his ears. As soon as he spotted the other two, he immediately takes it off and greets them.

Orange gestures Blue to him and Green already knows what he's supposed to do. He lets go of his phone and hugs Blue.

𝘋𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮.

Orange goes back to the room to get rid of whatever Blue was doing. Meanwhile, Green was nattering to Blue about his day and showing what he has been doing on his phone.

Soon Blue's head gets too heavy and he lays down, dragging Green with him. Green doesn't mind. It's better to prevent him from going back to the room for now.

Blue makes out noises and grumblings like he has no idea of where he is. What he is. Who he is.

"What's my name?" Questions. Ask him questions Green. You have to bring him back to his senses.

"Green.." Blue mumbles back. Green smiles.

"What's your name?"

".. My name is Blue. "

Green nods and pushes Blue's hair away from his face. "What are you?"

".... A fighting stick figure.."

Relief washes down Green. He remembers who he is, at least. "What about me?"

Blue pauses a little, then responds. "An artist." 

Green lightly gasps. "Awww!" He hugs Blue tighter as Blue chuckles. Such a warming sight, that brings a huge smile onto Green's face.

Blue tries to get out of his hold.

Oh no.

He can't let him go now.

"Wait! I've got more questions!" Green stutters as Blue begins to squirm again. He tries to keep Blue in his place. It was a bad decision though, because Blue began to panic even more now. Damn it, Green. "Wha—ugh!—What do you like to do in your free time?!"

"Drugs! Let me do them!!" Blue trashes and flaps his limbs like crazy, so Green begins to scuffle him back. Gotta show him who's boss!

In no time Blue gets uncontrollable and Green pins him down to the couch. At that moment Orange re-appears.

"Green, don't fight him back!" Orange pats Green's shoulder. Green relaxes and lets go of the other. Blue takes advantage of his freedom, as he swings a powerful punch to Green.

"Agh!" Green holds onto his face and stumbles back, hitting the arm of the couch. "Fuck!"

Yellow arrives and runs up to Blue and wraps his arms around his shoulders, hindering him from going for another blow. Feeling overwhelmed, Blue begins to screech and scream.

Orange takes Green away as Yellow does the same with Blue.

Blue, however, escapes Yellow's grasp and sprints back home.

Well, good thing Orange knew this was gonna happen and hid his stuff away...

"Holy shit, that was the strongest punch I've ever taken from Blue. Genuinely."  Green complains, still holding his face. "This is getting too far. I can't keep up with this, man!"

"I'm so worried for Blue.." Yellow speaks up. They have never in their life, seen Blue so angry towards any of them. This is so new and terrifying. They wish it could stop...

They're trying their best to help him out of this.

"All of us are. We're doing our best, but how are we gonna succeed if he keeps going back to it? Especially after promising he won't after every time?" Green sits back on the couch. "Each time he cries and apologizes, saying he regrets it. But does the outcome change? No. I'm sick of this."

"I know... " Orange's guilty voice follows. "What more can I do? I am trying to let him proceed as slowly as possible so he can learn.. to not be depending so much."

Yellow and Green share a glance. Their faces filled with sorrow.

After a sigh, Yellow concludes; "We have to keep our patience. He would do the same for us." The other two nods.

"Where's Red by the way? Have you seen him, Yellow?" Green asks.

"No. I haven't seen him today. I've been on my laptop the whole day."

"I can tell."

"Excuse you?"

"I'll go check up on him." Orange interrupts their little quarrel and leaves to find Red.

Soon he spots Red in his animal farm, busy with stuffing earbuds to each animal's ears.

He taps him on the shoulder. "Hey. Why are you doing that for?"

".. They were scared of the shouting."

"..."

The guilt hits like a truck again.

Quietly, he joins next to Red, sitting on the hay.

There's a heavy silence between them.

Soon though, Red breaks it.

"I don't like being near him when he's not himself.. "

Orange slowly nods, not making eye contact. "I know.."

"He doesn't feel the same. He's not safe anymore."

"I know..."

"I wish we could go back in time and stop him from beginning that crap."

"Yeah."

"..... I really hate to see him like this."

"Me too." Orange sighs.

Silence.

Red pets the animals.

...

Red takes Orange's hand. "You don't have to blame yourself, you know.."

Orange's eyes widen. "Am I too easy to read?"

Red smiles. A bittersweet smile. "Anyone can tell by looking at your eyes. It's obvious you're taking the whole responsibility to yourself. We are one in this, Orange. Don't put yourself under the pressure."

"... "

Orange goes back to his deep thoughts.

"Thank you, Red. "

"Of course. "

They share a smile together.

Chapter Text

It was an energetic day filled with sparring with others, watching movies —which they've been delaying for a while— , Red and Yellow's shenanigans and them arguing over silly things. Like if hotdogs are sandwich.

It was tiring, to be frank, but in a good way.

With a smile, Green watched Yellow chase Red around the couch. When that failed, Yellow swiftly climbed the couch and jumped over Green to finally pin Red down.

"Dude! Watch it! You almost kicked me in the face!" Yellow chose to ignore Green's complaining to come face to face with his opponent.

He watched them struggle for a while.

Then a thought struck him. His eyes widened.

He hasn't seen Blue all day.

He looked over at Orange, who was happily animating with Alan.

Green frowned. Blue is not the type to leave everyone alone, since he is always next to at least one person. His presence is warm and appreciated all the time. Unless...

His eyes began to search. He got up from the couch and checked the places Blue generally idle in.

His usual spot for cooking? Nope.

Go upstairs.

The so-called 'secret room' he goes for silence to read his books? None.

Go downstairs.

What about the storage closet where he keeps his farming loot? Not here..

Go upstairs once more.

The table they play games on? No..

Green feels over the edge. It gets scary when Blue is away alone.

Eventually, he found Blue in their room, laying on his bed. But this time, it felt different.

Blue wasn't acting weird. He was pretty chill, actually. When he noticed Green standing at the door, he smiled.

"Hi." He even waved at him.

Green smiled back. "Hey, Blue."

Green approached him as Blue sat up in his bed. Even his movement was sober. It was fast and direct, instead of slow and sloppy.

Oh, how Green missed seeing him like this..

"So, How you've been? I haven't seen you today." Green said conversationally, as he sat next to Blue. "You missed out a lot, man."

Blue chuckled. "I've been okay.. just.. wanted some space." He looks.. how to describe it, apologetic..?

Green exactly knows why.
"I understand." He pats Blue's shoulder.

"Actually. I'm not going to lie. I felt like I needed to give you space.. from me." Blue fights back tears filling eyes.

No, not again..

He has done this emotional episode too habitually already, now it's getting humiliating. He doesn't want to look like he's following a script every time to gaslight the others to forgive him and stay on his side even though the fault was completely on his end.

He feels weak.

How sad.

He can't fight it anymore.

How embarrassing.

He hides his face behind his hands, sniffling.

How disappointing.

"I am.." His sobs cut his sentence.

Green is speechless. He can only watch. He has seen this scenery happen countless times already.

He's crying again, great.

Try not to show you're feeling bad if you can. It'll only demotivate him more.

"I am so sorry Green.. I really am trying to stop."

Green sighs. "I know, Blue."

Blue shakes his head. "Please believe me, I am trying!.."

Green pulls Blue in a hug. He rests Blue's head on his chest and gives him pats on his back. Blue's sobs and whimpers fill the room.

His entire body is shaking.

Green fights back tears as well. He rolls his eyes. He's still getting emotional for witnessing Blue going through this.

He doesn't deserve it.

None of them does.

But it's happening anyway and they're battling.

Blue is battling against himself. And the others are watching, cheering, consoling and most importantly, believing.

Then Blue falls weak again and it all begins over.

Over and over.

The doors open. It is Yellow, possibly curious where Green had disappeared. He sees the familiar scene taking place and his face drops. Cautiously, he approaches the other two and sits next to them.

Yellow's hand finds itself on Blue's back, rubbing circles gently. "Blue.."

Blue can't control the burst of his emotions anymore. He's blubbering about how terrible he's doing and how inadequate he is and how disappointing he is and how he doesn't deserve friends like them.

How disheartening to think so.

The doors burst open again, louder, this time it's Red shouting at Yellow for escaping. The others glare at him. His mouth shuts when he notices the fragile moment. "Oh..." He instantly finds himself next to their distressed friend too.

"How did it all come to this point?" Blue manages to get out between hiccups. "I never wanted to end up hurting any of you, I swear!"

"We believe you."
"We know."
"You can't help it."

They truly mean their words. However, It has been said enough to lose their impacts. One more time and these words will feel empty.

Blue has to take action.

He has to progress.

He has to let himself be what his friends believe he will be.

So stop being such a disappointment. I'll stop tomorrow? You've said that weeks and weeks before. When is the tomorrow coming? Does it even matter if you stop anymore? You have been sober only a handful of times, now everything feels unreal. They probably forgot who you used to be. You did this to them. You did this to yourself.

...

"Blue?" Green feels the light growling in Blue's heavy breath. As if the sudden silence of his cries weren't bad enough. "Blue.. Are you okay?" Green pats his back cautiously, to awaken him..?

"I am not. Can't you tell?! I'm a mess! Why can't I stop thinking about- just. just going there and..."  Blue can not even finish his angry ranting due to how much strength he has lost. His fingers gripping onto Green's shoulders. "I can't.. I can't stop the clouds from appearing. They're not leaving. They're always there and so tempting! Why can't I beat them?!"

At this point, Blue is beating onto Green's shoulders and shouting degrading insults towards himself.

"Why am I so weak?! I'm supposed to be better than this! I'm a shameful sight!" Blue is losing his breath and gasping for air between his enraged bawling.

The others are trying to hold his arms because if Blue keeps going, there'll be bruises all over Green, despite them not even fighting!

Orange must've heard the screams, since he appears at the stage taking place.

What a view that used to be unusual.

Orange internally sighs and goes over to help the others,

Blue snaps out of their hold and runs away with a flushed face. While doing so, he pushes Orange out of the way, causing him to almost lose his balance of his standing.

"Ow..."  Green moans. "Why'd he beat me bro what did I do??"

Yellow shushes him with his finger and looks back at Orange.

"This time he wasn't even intoxicated."  Red perks up with a blank glint in his eye.

"...."  Orange takes his time to answer. "Well. It wasn't from anything outside this time. Whatever that was, it was happening inside of him."

Yellow nods. "Anxious emotions can make people do anything."

"What about me, helloo? I think I'm bleeding here." Green complains as he walks towards the bathroom, taking his shirt off to look at the damage.

"You'll be fine, stop bitching." Red snaps back as he follows him.

"Should.. Should we go after him?" Orange asks, pointing at the door with a worried expression.

"I don't know. He could be so overwhelmed right now. Where can he go anyway?" Yellow states as he gets up. They both know the dangers Blue could face if he makes sudden decisions.

"Well. Gotta find him then." Orange and Yellow starts their quest for Blue.

Next thing they know, they've spotted him in the basement, next to their old or extra equipment. In the dark.

"Go away.. I don't deserve any more solace from you." Blue softly speaks, interrupting his quiet sniffling.

"Yes you do." Orange replies,

"And you won't escape from any of it." Yellow adds.

They both gently sit opposite of Blue. Not attempting to open the lights or forcing Blue to get up.

They just stare at each other in silence for a while. They wait for Blue to settle.

"Why do you keep showing up to give me support? Why do you guys still love me, when I keep leaving you in the middle of the progress?" Blue rants, as if he committed such big sins.

"Because you're our friend Blue. Of course we will not leave you behind. We stick together. No matter what." Orange has a determined spark in his eyes as he spoke to Blue.

"We'll always look out for each other. If you fall, all of us will bring you back to your feet." Yellow joins with a grin.

It's surprising they haven't lost their belief in him yet.

Blue gives a small smile to them. His heart feels light again, filled with will.

Will to show them their determination is equal.