Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“That went well”. 

It categorically didn’t. They stand together outside a military building Levi feels ill trying to gauge the size of. He feels ill at a lot these days. Around them dot too many people who take sideways glances at the two of them and hurry their children along. There are two guards, in pristine white, standing close enough to be encroaching but far enough to not seem - well, truce breaking. Their own troops are stationed outside the city. Bringing them in would have also been truce breaking.

“They hate you,” Levi says simply. “The way they look at you. It’s the way people used to look at me. 

The air here is full of birds that screech loudly. They’re almost the same goddamn size as him and they fly at anyone with a hint of fucking food in their hands. Everything in Liberio is too big, actually, too dirty on top of that. Industrialisation, Yelena had called it. Levi can see the years of smoke from their automobiles, from their factories, in every stone that builds this fucking place. The city goes on for as far as Levi can see, has tracks for trains that run through its centre. And people, so many fucking people. 

“Tybur was fair. He seems - fine”, Erwin says, congenial. Levi just wishes he would drop the fucking mask. He knows it’s unfair to ask, not when they are still out, not with guards still around them. He just itches to see him. “This feels familiar, no? We’ve been here before, you and I. Spending our days arguing with scared noblemen”.

They have. That was different, though. Their fight seemed more righteous, back then. Erwin was more - 

Levi doesn’t finish the thought.

“They’re not noble,” he scoffs instead. “They don’t even have that excuse. They’re all just people”.

Tybur’s extension of the olive branch, Eldian to Eldian, means they are offered a room in a tavern - no, in a hotel , with crystal goddamn chandeliers and stuffed heads of animals Levi has never seen hanging from the walls. There is a fireplace, too, marble floors. Not that him nor Erwin have had a chance to luxuriate in it, or do anything at all. Honestly, Levi is quite sure Erwin would have gladly left him on Paradis, if it wasn’t a strategically idiotic move. 

“Quiet”, Erwin commands, softly. “Don’t talk ill of our new friends”.

“They are not our friends”. 

Erwin smiles at him. It makes Levi ache. “You looked a bit bored in there, if I’m honest”.

Levi’s brows raise, incredulous, bland with distaste. “Bored? I was watching your back. I don’t trust a single one of them anywhere near you”.

It comes out too emotional, too raw. It makes him cringe slightly. 

“They can’t get anywhere near me”, Erwin says, soft in the back of his throat. “It’s overwhelmingly tempting, all those demands. Trade deals? Peace? It's all about advancement. They’ll go back on half of it, I’m sure. A bite of my thumb, a taste of their own medicine. It would be something, wouldn’t it?”

Levi’s gaze hits the floor. 

“It’s never that easy”, he says, bile in his throat. 

“No”, Erwin agrees. “No, that would be more trouble than it’s worth. But it’s very strange, how violently unaware these people are of the suffering they cause”.

Levi laughs at that, he can’t help it, it crackles in this throat. The guards behind them tense. They seem constantly on edge. It’s fair, Levi decides. Erwin reached out first, decided - against Yelena’s violent disagreement - that they could breezily organize some form of peace treaty with Marley, by extension the world.

“No, that’s not - believe me, people are unaware of the suffering they cause everywhere”, Levi promises.

Erwin blinks, scratches just under his chin. “Right, of course”.

His hand comes up to rest on Levi’s shoulder, as though he could lose him in the streets here, as though someone might take him. The idea is ridiculous, Levi thinks. No one could catch him. He's still got a good sense for disappearing. 

“It’s the way they look at you, actually”, Erwin says after a moment, “that concerns me”. 

The sun is beginning to set over the smoke of the city. It paints Erwin golden. In those parliamentary rooms, in front of commission after commission, alone and abroad in a world he doesn’t know nor fully understand, Erwin had still managed to look so completely untouchable. 

“Me?”, Levi mutters, pulling his overcoat around himself. The worst thing is he gets it. They stand out in their uniforms, the thick wool of them. They don’t just look out of place, they look out of time. With so many delegations, from all across a world they didn’t know existed until a year ago, Levi can feel how different they are like a slap in the face. 

He can’t bring himself to hate them, though, not really, no matter how much they stare. He remembers, distantly, like a dream, being afraid of Titans. Now, walking across the streets, he looks at the faces of these people - his people, in some removed way - and wonders if he killed their cousins, their mothers, fathers, thinking they were some brainless beast. 

He wants to tell Erwin but stops himself. He doesn’t need another reminder of what they have done. Levi has done enough to ensure he’ll never forget, he thinks, swallows sickly. 

“Oh you’re done already!” 

It’s called from the crowd. Zeke fucking Jaeger saunters towards them, waving mildly. 

“Clearly not much to say to you all, hm?”, Zeke drawls. His gaze lingers on Levi. Not that he can really see that, with how the sun is reflecting off Zeke’s glasses. He just knows. Erwin’s hand tightens on his shoulder, like he can feel the tension. He definitely can. Levi feels alight with it now. “Welcome to Liberio, soldiers. I’m your welcome - wagon”.

A year or so has done little to quell the hate, it rises like bile in him, up and out his fucking throat, scratches at his insides. Erwin - fucking charmer, fucking betrayer - offers a hand. 

“It’s good to see you”, he says, emotionless. Levi stays quiet, gaze skirting over him, the acknowledgement of his presence already too much of an acquiescence. 

Zeke smiles bright but short. He lifts his index fingers, as though he is telling them to wait, all polite and civil. Oh, Levi fucking hates him. It’s funny, too, because a moment is all it would take for Levi to rip him apart. 

“You two are dismissed”, Zeke tells the guards. 

“But, War Chief -” 

“War Chief?” Levi tastes the word. His rank presumably. What a stupid fucking title. “They make that one up just for you?” 

Zeke’s tongue rests on his incisors briefly. He reaches into his jacket and pulls out a letter. 

“Magath's orders, not my own”, Zeke shrugs, hands it to one of the soldiers. “I’ll look after myself, boys, I promise”.

The guards exchange a look but salute, weird and unnatural. It doesn’t take them long to fuck off into the stream of officers and pedestrains. There seems to be a military presence everywhere, on every street corner, coming out of every shop, off every boat. 

And then they are alone, the three of them. 

“You’re looking well, Commander”, Zeke lilts, drags his gaze over Erwin. The wind - humid and smoggish - brushes Zeke’s hair over his eyes. “Very... whole”.

Levi moves on nothing but instinct, two steps of deadly intent, dark eyed towards Zeke. Erwin catches the collar of his coat, with two fingers, holds him back with an unreadable expression. Levi shoots him a withering glare, one really meant for Zeke, honestly. He just doesn’t want - well, he doesn’t want anyone else to remind Erwin how much he has changed more than most already do. 

“You’re not so bad yourself, from what I’ve been told”, Erwin smiles. 

Zeke’s expression barely twitches. He would be almost unreadable, if Levi had not had him weeping and screaming at the hilt of his sword. Erwin seems to be too, and that is more concerning. I know him , Levi tells himself but sometimes he wonders if that’s still true, if the Erwin he brought back is the same as the one he almost left behind. 

So Levi owes him this, really. Owes him to stay calm and on his best behaviour. They’re here to save the world. They’re here to save the world. Levi is calm. 

“Healing powers, what can I say?”, Zeke shrugs. “Oh, there is a good little coffee shop by here”. He points towards the mass of crowds. “I’ll take you there, first”.

“First?”, Levi snaps. 

“We have a night”. Zeke’s gaze shifts around the crowd, focusing on Erwin. “It’s not good to stay in one place for too long. It makes conversations difficult, if you understand”.

Oh. The brass don’t very much trust Jaeger either then. Well, he did fully bungle their operation a while ago. Levi feels mild satisfaction at that. 

“Do you drink coffee? Yelena brought some over, I think”. Zeke begins to walk. Erwin’s hand detaches from his shoulder and settles at the small of his back. Levi kind of despises how reassuring that is. “Oh, with the wine. Did you get the wine?” 

“We did,” Erwin says. “Yelena is a character but what she’s done for Paradis - by extension you -” 

“Oh, Yelena ”. Zeke joins the queue to the open little stand. The heat makes the green paint look like it’s melting, the white and red tarp over head billows in the sea breath. “Yes, she’s almost like -” Zeke gesticulates, points at him. “Almost like my Levi, mhh? Although dramatically less -” 

“Dramatically less?”, Levi snarls, dares him. Zeke gives him a patronising little grin, doesn’t answer 

“This place is lovely”, he says instead, over the top of him. “Old family. It’s very homey. The coffee is excellent, the tea is great, miles above your stuff, no offense. I did spend a while amongst you all. It was interesting. Very -” 

“Stagnant”, Erwin says, blandly. He has a worrying look in his eyes. 

Zeke is quiet for a moment but his smile is very tight. He scratches his beard. “I was going to say quaint”.

He talks then, to the owner, in Marleyan. They just have to stand as he does. Levi’s gaze is on Erwin, tired but so sharp. He’s watching Zeke like he can learn a whole language from one shop front interaction. Zeke is laughing with whoever runs this shop. 

“Here”. Zeke hands off the other cup to Erwin. “On me”. He looks down. “I got you an ice cream”.

“That’s kind of you,” Erwin says, in lieu of Levi saying anything. Zeke shoves the ice cream in his face. Erwin is looking on expectedly. Levi takes a breath in, and lets it out slowly through his nose. He snatches the cone out of Zeke’s hand. 

“I really wouldn't push him, Zeke”, Erwin comments, mild. It's sort of the same tone you tell a child that your dog bites. Levi would know, sometimes he uses it on him. 

Zeke blows on the coffee. “Mhh. On edge?” And then he looks around, a little skittishly. “Let’s walk”.

“On edge?”, Levi repeats, teeth gritted. He’s in half a mind to bin the fucking ice cream out of pride. It’s only the rancid realisation that there is enough milk and sugar compacted into it to have saved about three rickets ridden children from the Underground that makes him eat it. 

“Don’t be rude”, Zeke says. “Or the next rounds on you”.

And it’s a stupid trick, really, a stupid instinct, but Zeke brings out the worst in him. He feels childish and surly around him, giving into all his needling. With a brush of their shoulders and quick fingers, Levi plucks his wallet out Zeke’s coat, hands it back to him between two fingers. “My pleasure”.

Zeke’s face morphs between irritation and awe, before it settles into a grin. 

“Street urchin tricks!”, he coos. “I love it”. 

“I’m sorry”, Erwin says, slightly strained. Zeke shrugs. 

“Don’t apologise on my behalf”, Levi mutters. 

“You’re missing a sir, there”, Zeke needles. “He’s your commanding officer”.

Levi’s jaw tightens. He doesn’t dignify Zeke with a response. He hasn’t called Erwin that in years, not even mockingly, but the words still sting. Maybe because of how difficult Erwin has been recently. Sometimes it’s like they are back to being strangers, like Levi is back to being a nuisance Erwin just needs to take care of. Other times Erwin just won’t stop touching him. Today is one of those days it seems, Levi thinks, when he feels Erwin brushing his arm reassuringly. 

They walk along a bustling promenade, the water lapping dark and oily against sheer stone walls. The sun is so much hotter in Marley, hotter than the shore back home, and Levi had thought that was hot. He can feel it on his nose, on the arch of his cheeks. The pollution doesn’t make it better, it makes everything smell and look so stifling. Zeke is rambling on about the streets, the boats, the port; Erwin nodding along, sipping on his coffee. He points to Levi’s ice cream after a while.  

“It melted”, he says, not unkindly. Levi looks at his hand, swears. He had not even noticed, too focused on the way Zeke’s arm is brushing Erwin’s as they walk. It makes him uneasy. 

“Fuck”, he mumbles, takes out a napkin to wipe his hand. Zeke snorts, amused. 

“Tired, Captain?”, he teases. “Thought you were meant to have sharp senses. Maybe you do need a coffee”.

Erwin hands him his own. Levi doesn’t want it, really, but he takes it anyway. It keeps his hands occupied, which is probably why Erwin gave it to him in the first place. Distractions. He feels like a child again as he sips on his coffee. It’s too strong, too bitter. Of course Zeke would like something like this. He bets it goes amazing with his disgusting cigarettes. 

They keep on walking. It’s only when they get to the end of the beach, after Zeke has droned one for minutes, where the waves are higher and louder that Erwin stops, considers him.

“What did you come here to say, Zeke?”, he asks. 

Zeke raises an eyebrow, amused. “Can’t I just want to spend some time with you?” He licks his lips. “You are an interesting man, Commander”. 

Levi’s grip tightens on his cup. Zeke’s eyes flicker to him, just for a second. Whatever. He can put two and two together, Levi thinks, he doesn’t give a shit if he looks too protective, too possessive. That’s what Erwin brought him here for. 

“I think we are past the posturing, really”, Erwin comments.

Zeke’s teeth grit even as he grins. “Are we? I have heard you are posturing a lot in that room”. 

Erwin tenses, visibly so. Zeke can tell too, Levi knows, can see it in how his smile widens and his eyes gleam. 

“Is that so?”

“Have it on good authority”, Zeke muses. “But what do I know. Half of it is prejudice, probably. Although I am sure, Captain, that your glares are not making it any easier”. 

“Right”, Levi deadpans. “Won’t someone think of those poor generals”. 

Zeke laughs, a bit hysterical. He downs the rest of his coffee, throws his cup away on the beach, carelessly. Levi watches it roll away in the sand, blown by the wind, watches it end up in the water, pushed by the waves. He thinks of Zeke throwing those rocks across Shiganshina and forces himself to think of nothing at all.

It doesn’t matter, anyway. This beach is trashed already. Bags and cups and food and those damn seagulls flying all around. It makes Levi nauseous, to be honest, all this fucking waste, all this fucking excess. 

“I am just saying”, Zeke says, pushes his glasses up. He looks around, so painfully obvious it makes Levi’s head ache, takes out a note and drops it into Levi’s empty cup. “Address is there. Place is secure. We’ll talk later. You need help if you want this to work, trust me. You don’t know Marley like I do”. He sounds almost frantic. “I’ll be there. Nine sharp”. He gives them a parody of a military salute. “Let me walk you back to your hotel”. 

People give them a wide berth once they are back on the streets. Right, Zeke is a freak of 

nature here too. Who isn’t? It makes Levi despair slightly. There is no amount of charm that can make these people change their mind, he thinks. Erwin knows it too. It’s why he is - posturing, he guesses. Zeke is not entirely wrong. Erwin is not used to conceding ground. 

“You can’t believe a word he says”, Levi tells him as soon as the door is shut behind them, in the privacy of their hotel room. Erwin’s jaw twitches.

“Careful”, he warns. “Don’t talk like that”. 

Really, Zeke is their best bet. Levi knows it too. He just hates that he is, he hates how him and Erwin can seemingly act like this is all perfectly normal, like this is where they were meant to be the whole time. But Levi made sure of it, didn’t he? He was the one who brought Erwin back, the one who kept him here, their Commander. He bites the inside of his cheek, looks away. A few years back he would have snarled at Erwin for talking to him like this. Now - well. He guesses it’s part of his punishment. 

He follows Erwin into the shower. That’s the best thing about Marley, truly, maybe the only good thing. Warm water and perfumed soaps. If he closes his eyes Levi can still see how dirty the seawater was lapping at the beach. He looks at the shower jet, clear and steaming. He guesses it’s easier to look the other way when this is the shit you can enjoy if you do. 

“We’ll go tonight”, Erwin tells him, words covered by the sound of the water spraying onto the tiles. “I need you to let him speak. He is our only advantage and he is easily flustered. We can get more out of him. So don’t let your emotions interfere with my decisions”, Erwin says, gaze firm and words too cutting. “Are we clear?” 

Levi’s teeth grit. He barely bothers to nod.

They fuck in the shower, fast and perfunctuatory. It’s fine, they both need this and there is no time to do much else. Erwin doesn’t open him up, just slides his cock between his thighs, the soap between them makes the slide easy. He has Levi panting with his hands braced against the tiled walls, head hung low and eyes squeezed shut. He bites on Levi’s shoulder when he comes, jerks him off fast and tight, so tight it has Levi swallowing back whimpers.

“Can I trust you, Levi?”, Erwin murmurs, after, head to his back and water running cold between them. 

He didn’t use to ask, before. 

“Who else would you fucking trust”, Levi gets out, skin breaking in goosebumps. Erwin hums behind him.

“Who indeed”, he mutters. 

Levi understands anger. He’s intimate with it. He understands Erwin thought a lot of his sacrifice and that to have this opportunity at the expense of all that sacrifice probably feels like an unforgivable sin. It fractured something fundamental between them. Most sacrifices do. Levi did not save him because he saw some hope for them; world peace and a happily ever after. He did it because he knew, in his heart, Erwin was only one black hearted enough to see this through. 

Maybe that’s love; to see the absolute worst in someone and see it as salvation, still. 

It doesn’t really matter anyway. Erwin is still dying, just slower. 

The bar is small, with tucked away tables with candles that are lit only for show. The lights overhead are ornate, let off a warm golden glow, diffused through green glass lampshades. It’s a smog of smoke and conversation and laughter that sounds cultivated and soft. Levi tries to think of an equivalent back home. He’s never really been in a bar that hasn’t broken into a brawl within twenty minutes. 

The light falls on Erwin’s features well. A suit is a suit regardless of where you are, so they don’t seem so horribly out of place. He can imagine Erwin here, actually, a little book in the corner, an expensive drink. 

“You suit this place”, Levi says. Erwin doesn’t look at him, but his lip quirks an inch. 

“Because it’s pretentious?” 

Fuck him very much, then. That’ll be the last attempt at a compliment he makes tonight. 

“Well you said it, not me”, Levi mutters. 

Zeke is at a corner table, he beckons them over, stands when they approach and takes the liberty of pulling Levi’s chair out. 

“You clean up well out of uniform, Captain”, he smiles. 

Levi really wants to set fire to his fucking beard with the candle for that. He considers Erwin’s words from before; no interference, no emotion, he flusters easily. He takes the chair offered, looks up from under his lashes like he used to at marks before he robbed them blind. 

“You’re not bad yourself”, he says evenly. 

Zeke laughs, scratches his beard and pushes his glasses up his face before he settles too, wipes his palms on his trousers from an angle he thinks Levi won’t see. He does fluster easily, he thinks mildly. Erwin is watching him now, his gaze like a brand on his profile. He doesn’t quite know what Erwin was expecting, he asked him to play along, so play he shall. 

“I ordered some drinks”, Zeke says, clears his throat. “Enjoy, please. It’s not keg-warm ale, or moonshine I could polish my shoes with”. He laughs, weakly. He points between the different shaped glasses. “That ones bitter, it has sweet edge. That ones milder, smoother. This ones a bit smokier”. He pushes a glass towards Levi. “Bitter, with a sweet edge, I think”.

Levi prays that’s never worked on anyone. He fights not to roll his eyes. 

“I don’t drink”, he says. 

“Usually”, Erwin intercedes. 

Zeke gazes between them for a moment. Levi clicks his tongue. 

“Usually”, he acquiesces. He takes a sip of his drink. It tastes like nothing he has ever tasted before. He puts it down, eyes it warily. 

“You are really -” Zeke searches for the word. “Accomodating tonight, Captain”. 

Levi snorts. He doesn’t think he has ever been called accommodating in his life. The entire situation reminds him of his first years Above, forced to go to fundraisers and state dinners, the opulence of it all nauseating and Erwin’s gaze constantly on him, watching him, always watching him. He had gotten used to it in the end, learned to stay quiet. The idea he could learn how to tolerate Zeke too is nauseating. 

“He has his moments”, Erwin says. His gaze is clear on Zeke. “What a wonderful place you have brought us to”. 

“Mhh”, Zeke nods, lights himself a cigarette and slides his pack across the table in offering. Levi’s nose curls. “The owner is traditional. It’s a private club. Lets in just enough people to not make it look suspicious. Marleyan, good connections, but still owns a business inside the confinement zone. He doesn’t live here, though. Most people think him a scammer. A Marleyan taking the opportunity to make Eldians feel like they are just a little bit important”. He takes a drag, inhales deep. “But he curates a good crowd”. 

Erwin has leant forward, brows furrowed in interest. 

“So is he a benefactor? A Restoration sympathizer?” 

Zeke tuts, ashes on the small plate on their table. “So many questions, Smith. And bold words, too. You should be content with the information I am giving you. See”, he points at the two of them. “This is why the brass doesn’t like you”. 

“Too many questions?”, Erwin asks, lightly. “That’s fair. My curiosity has never served me well”. 

Zeke nods in agreement. “And you are not even asking the right ones”. 

Levi’s teeth grit. Supponent bastard. 

“And I suppose you would”, he mutters. Zeke’s gaze moves to him, eyes glinting. 

“Well, Levi”, Zeke says, clinks their glasses together. Levi doesn’t think he has ever used his name before. It doesn’t like it in his mouth. “I wouldn’t ask them, because I have the answers”. 

God, they have done nothing but talk like this for days. Well, Erwin has. Levi observes, mostly, gives his tactical knowledge when it’s needed at the table, tells Erwin his thoughts in private. It’s not like he doesn’t have a mind for politics, he understands it well enough. What they are here for, what they have to do. It’s this stupid posturing that makes his head ache, make his jaw tense and his leg twitch. 

He looks at Zeke and thinks of throwing his drink in his face, smashing his glasses in. Would it be satisfying as he is imagining it to be?

“Levi”, Erwin says next to him, quietly. “Have a drink”. 

He forces his gaze away, takes another sip. Erwin needs him calm, he thinks. He will stay calm. 

Zeke is looking between them, now, eyes wider. He licks his slip, has a chuckle. 

“Well, I have to say, I didn’t think it would work quite like this. Even in my wildest dreams”. 

“I admit I am not following”, Erwin tells him, mild. A perfect mask on his face. Levi can tell, though, he can always tell. 

“Right, forgive me”, Zeke says, swirling his drink in his hand. “It’s just been - impressive, to see you two together. Have you wondered, Commander, why Marley has asked you to bring your Captain with you, when he could probably bring down their entire military on his own?”

“That’s an exaggeration”, Levi mutters. Zeke doesn’t pay him any mind. 

“I have, yes”, Erwin answers. Something inside Levi twists painfully. He hadn’t told him that. “I thought it was a cheap trick to put me at ease. Hoping I lowered my guard, perhaps”.

A cheap trick. Levi looks away, averts both of their gazes. 

“An uneducated guess. Well, I can’t fault you. I am here to tell you, Commander. Your captain is just another thing of yours they want. Along with your land, and your Titans. But I’d wager”, Zeke smacks his lips, “that they’d be willing to leave you alone on your little island, if only you’d gave your Captain away”. 

Levi laughs at that. An ugly snort, but he can’t help it. He looks over at Zeke, disbelieving. “Are you drunk?” He turns to Erwin, gets up. “This is a waste of time. We should -”

“No”, Erwin says, firm. “Sit down, Levi”. 

Levi’s jaw tenses. They are here to save the world, he thinks, and sits back on his chair. Zeke is looking at him with an odd look in his eyes. It’s disconcerting. 

“Why the fuck are you looking at me like that?”, Levi snarls. Zeke seems to snap out of whatever had taken over him. 

“Forgive me, Captain. You are just a little wonder, is all”, he smiles. He’d look better with a few teeth missing. He turns back to Erwin, like Levi is some afterthought. “What do you know of the history of the Ackermans?” 

“Very little”, Erwin answers, terse. He has not looked at him once. “Not many history books in Paradis, as you can imagine”.

“No”, Zeke acquisces. “Well. I’ll be brief. As the legend says -” His gaze slides back to Levi. “They are bred to fight. To protect. Perfect warriors, results of Titan science, of many, many experiments. Supposedly, they answer only their Liege”. Zeke looks at Erwin, head tilted. “You. Are you following?” 

Erwin just blinks, levelly. It’s a really perfect mask, Levi thinks. Zeke seems to enjoy their silence, which is worse. 

“They say there is an indestructible bond before an Ackerman and their Liege. They can’t disobey, they are bound to follow. Even at the risk of their own death. Are you -” 

“No, I’m following”, Erwin says, offers his palm while he takes a sip of his drink. Levi thinks he is too, unfortunately. Erwin’s calmness is a safe bet, Levi thinks, in the face of Zeke’s rapt attention. “Legend just isn’t convincing science, that’s all”.

Zeke hates that, it’s obvious. 

“You are quiet”, Zeke says to him. Easier target in his eyes, probably. Levi shrugs, picks his nails and tips his chin towards Erwin. 

“He’s not told me I can speak yet”, he drawls. Zeke’s nostrils flare. 

“Don’t be facetious, Levi. You’re not clever enough for it”. He turns his attention back to Erwin. “Almost all legends have an element of fact in it. Given what you now know of the world, would you say any fairytale to do with Fritz has been false? And it’s empirical, too, isn’t it? -” He points at Levi. “Have you ever seen anyone move the way he does?” 

“No”, Erwin says, simply.

“It’s not natural”, Zeke promises, like that somehow makes defeat to him more bearable. “It’s dormant, until it isn’t, or so it’s theorised. You know, they were meant to serve the royal family. We don’t have any Ackermans here. You have the only two remaining”. He says, like it’s a tragedy. “Did you have a moment like that, Levi?” 

Erwin’s gaze moves to him. Levi grits his teeth. 

“Yes”, he says, clipped. 

He keeps his gaze away from both of them, but he can feel Erwin’s reaction. Maybe it’s something he shouldn’t have conceded to Zeke. 

“You did?”, Erwin asks, and he’s kept his voice light. A sort of curious intellectualism. 

“I’d wager you weren’t always strong”, Zeke says, with a wide-eyed grin. “No-one fights like you do, unless you know exactly how it feels to be powerless”.

It’s unfortunately astute. Levi feels the words settle under his skin. He has to brace against them. There is a rising panic in his chest he’s going to have to push down. 

“I wasn’t”, Levi says slowly. 

“See?” Zeke says to Erwin. Erwin’s gaze is on him now, like he can read his discomfort. He probably can. “I think it would have felt not unsimilar to titan shifting, like a flash of something straight down -” 

“Your spine”, Levi finishes, sickly. He looks at the ice melt in his drink, tries to keep his breath even. Erwin’s jaw works, he resettles in his chair. 

“So a liege?”, he asks. Zeke preens, like he can’t believe he got him to bite. “I am not royal”.

“Neither is Eren”, Levi says, before he can help it. He knows what devotion looks like, he sees it in Mikasa. He knows exactly how it feels. 

“I am”, Zeke says, lightly, finger trailing the rim of his glass. Levi snorts, it makes Zeke flush a little, a glare on his face. 

“You’re a fucking freak”, Levi says, it feels like catching a window ledge as you’re falling, finding purchase. “That’s all this is. You’re no fucking intellectual, you’re a fetishist. I can suck your cock if you really want, Zeke. You don’t have to tell me it's a prophecy. I imagine for someone as lonely and sad and small as you, the idea of someone who can’t say no would appeal -” 

“Enough”, Erwin says, harsh. Levi feels the words catch, cut off. Zeke swallows, stares at him with something between desire and contempt. It’s not a new look, Levi’s been getting it his whole life. Zeke clears his throat, takes a long sip of his drink and looks at Erwin. 

“You never want to deal with that mouth of his?” 

Erwin shrugs. “Levi has insight into most common men. I lose it, sometimes, when faced with the bigger picture”.

“I’m not common”, Zeke snarls. 

He might believe it too, sat there fantasizing about some little slave by his side. The most baseless of desires, Levi thinks, digs his nails into his palm. 

“Because you are of royal blood?”, Erwin asks, head tilted. “Is that why we are here?”

“Fuck that. I am not a fucking experiment”, Levi hisses. Zeke’s cheeks are flushed with alcohol and anger. 

“That’s not it. That time has passed, your Ackerman is bonded, clearly”, Zeke grits out, gaze on Erwin. “I am surprised he didn’t cut my head off as soon as he got me out of the Titan”. 

Levi swallows, looks away. The failure of that day still burns in his throat. Erwin doesn’t like to be reminded of it either, barely mentions anything that happened then. Levi can feel him shift next to him, tense, lips tight.  

“So what”, Levi says, breaks the silence when Erwin has stayed quiet for too long. “Just wanted to share your infinite wisdom? Spare me”.

Zeke grabs Levi’s abandoned drink, starts sipping on that too. Freak, Levi thinks, disgusted. Probably wanted to taste his fucking saliva. 

“I am here to warn you. They have let you come because they want you. They want you here and ready to fuck and spread your seed where they deem it appropriate”, Zeke tells him, shrugs and looks back at Erwin. Levi’s head is spinning. “So you better be ready, Commander. That’s all I am saying. You brought here your most valuable bargaining chip and you parade it in front of them every day”. He leans forward, knees knocking into Levi’s. “So what will you say, when they ask? I have heard them talk. Will you save your little island, when they ask for him? When that will be the only thing stopping them from razing you to the ground?” 

Zeke’s pupils are dark, slightly crazed. Levi looks to Erwin, where he is standing as still as a statue, expressionless. Suddenly he can feel that ice cream from earlier crawling back up his throat. He won’t be sick, he decides, takes a breath in. He won’t. 

Erwin is unmoving, still. Zeke leans back in his chair, a satisfied smile on his face. Levi watches him as he takes a cigarette out, lights it. He wants to grab it from his fingers and put it off on his face. 

“That’s flattering, Zeke”, he forces himself to say, doesn’t want to look at Erwin again. He is scared of what he’ll find on his face. “But I don’t think I am that valuable”. 

“Mhh, maybe”, Zeke concedes. “But your progeny would be. How many women do you think they’ll make you impregnate in a year?” 

There is bile at the back of his throat again. Levi squeezes his eyes shut, bites his tongue and doesn’t think of his mother. 

Erwin hums next to him. It makes Levi’s hands shake slightly. He tries to hide them under the table.

“So they’d harness his power, like the titans, correct?”, Erwin asks. He leans forward, grabs one of Zeke’s cigarettes. “An army made of them and unbelievably strong, obedient soldiers”. 

His voice is calm, only a hint of anger in his words. Zeke smiles at him, pleased.

“Exactly. No Marleyans needed”. He spread his arms. “Just Eldians and Ackermans. There’d be no more wars to win quickly enough”. He looks over at Levi, gaze half-lidded. “Then I guess they’ll just have some pretty little pets”. 

He cannot stand it anymore. His hand is moving before he even knows it. The slap resonates loud in the bar, cuts into the other patron’s chatter. Levi is breathing hard, looking down at Zeke, his cheek red and his glasses broken. 

“Are you done?”, Levi grits out, can feel his shoulders moving with the force of his breath. 

“Sit back down”, Erwin says, although it’s strained now. 

Zeke just smiles at him, their eyes locked. There is just a hint of glistening fear in them, Levi can see, under his self-satisfied grin. 

“Nah”, Levi says slowly. “I don’t think I want to”.

“Please”, Erwin murmurs, softer. It makes Levi’s eyes fall shut. He sinks down slowly, keeps his eyes on Zeke. Ever so slowly conversation is beginning around them again. Eventually Zeke looks away, tips his chin at Erwin. 

“You should give him to them”, he says. “I mean it. It’s one man”.

Erwin is the wrong man to play that kind of numbers game with. If Zeke thinks that’ll work, he’s read him wrong. Erwin shrugs. 

“I don’t know, from what you’ve just said, I think I have every reason to keep him. Thank you for the advice, though; maybe I’ll breed him like a prize bull”. Erwin takes a breath in his nose, steadying. 

Levi knows the horror has shown on his face, he shutters it fast. Zeke is looking between them now. 

“How callous, Commander”, he smiles. “But I don’t think you have the stomach for it. I am just saying; you can’t threaten full scale destruction while attempting trade deals. It’s a bad look. Marley attacked because it needed resources, consequences be damned; give them one. Their industry is dying, they’re an empire in decay. People know how to kill titans. I don’t think anyone knows how to kill him”. He inclines his head towards Levi. “Reiner told a pretty tale about how terrifying you are”.

Erwin’s throat works. 

“I’m not giving away my best soldier”, he says. 

Zeke’s nose curls, annoyed. “I’m not finished”.

“Excellent”, Levi breathes. Every muscle in him is tense, he can feel his body’s desire to move, this trembling he’s having to fight not to show. 

“I want to see Eren”, Zeke says. “But I’m useful here, and I’m watched too closely. Give over Levi, I’ll take care of him. Marley will ease off on the attacks, give you time to regroup - which I know you need - it will take their guard down. Maybe you attack, maybe you don’t. Maybe Levi and myself are taken. Maybe Paradis’ charming Commander has more to him than bold threats and pretty lies. You get your right hand man back, I get my brother, whatever research they do on Levi I give you”.

Levi feels something hopeless run through his blood. “Oh you have this all tied up, don’t you?” 

“It’s neat, isn’t it?”, Zeke grins. “Believe me, Levi. I wouldn’t face you empty handed”.

“No”, Erwin says, so instantly it takes Levi by surprise. 

Zeke looks over, his eye twitches, he laughs, a bit uncertain. “Don’t get sentimental on me, please. I suppose we could get them Mikasa, couldn’t we?” He smiles, placidly. 

“No”, Levi breathes, nauseous. 

“No”, Zeke agrees. “I don’t think Eren would like to see me after that”.

Levi is not so sure. Eren has changed a lot; he is not the snotty kid who joined the Survey Corps anymore. It’s hard to tell what he feels about anything, let alone Mikasa, who he always pushed away a moment and run back to the next, whose decisions he often complained about. 

He looks at Erwin, his side profile, his tense jaw. Is this what Levi brought him back for? For Erwin to leave him like a dog at the shelter? 

It would be retribution, in a way, Levi thinks. Both doomed with some kind of blood disease, now. Erwin destined to die and him -

He exhales through his nose, controlled. This is not the time for useless platitudes. Erwin has no need for them; neither does Levi.

“You look conflicted, Commander”, Zeke comments. “I imagine it’s hard to even consider this. Because you wouldn’t just give up your best soldier, would you?” 

Levi freezes. His heart is thumping too loud in his chest. Oh, Erwin won’t like this. He won’t like it at all. 

“I imagine you are going to tell me what else I’d be conceding, now”, Erwin says, calm. The mask is back on his face, like it never cracked. 

Zeke laughs. “Oh let’s not pretend. You know exactly what I mean. It’s no surprise you don’t want to give away your prize bull ”, Zeke taunts, takes Erwin’s words. “Though I am not sure there is a lot of breeding going on. You keep him close, don’t you, Commander?” 

Erwin doesn’t react, so Levi doesn’t either. It’s getting harder and harder not to. He sits on his hands just to stop their shaking. 

“And why do you think that would stop me?”, Erwin asks. Smoking and sat back on his chair he looks like they could be talking about books. Suddenly Levi can’t stand it anymore - all of it, the pretense of indifference, the performance, the taunts and the reality of what might happen. He stands up, feels both Erwin’s and Zeke’s gaze on him. 

“I’ll be outside”, he says through gritted teeth. Fuck them both. If they want to talk about him like he is not there he might as well fucking leave. 

He is shaking when the fresh air hits his face. He was sweating from the heat today and now he feels like he is freezing. 

This was to be expected, he tries to tell himself, pressed against the wall and gaze on nothing in particular. Erwin is a strategist. They are here to save the world. What does a last name even mean to him? This should all be meaningless, really.  He lived so much of his life so much worse than this. He’s been on borrowed time since the day Kenny found him. Survival is easy because it has no consequences; you do or you die, you kill or you’re killed. Erwin gave him consequences, gave him something to believe in, something to be disappointed by, a life to live beyond some rat race; higher purpose. It’s a curse, really. It’s a total fucking curse. 

So what if he’s a political prisoner; they’ll feed him, likely. Is that not the only requirement for existence? You get horribly used to things, so horribly fast. The sun was once this unattainable luxury, and then within half a year it was getting in his eyes and making well-threaded uniform collars feel sticky. He could suck this up, if Erwin looks him in the eye and leaves him here. He can suck it up. When the hell did he get so self-important that humiliation became some form of torture. That’s disingenuous, he knows, because the second this power crackled through him for the first time he’s done everything to avoid it. 

It’s war, all the decisions are tough. Levi made the worst one of all. Took a sacrifice from the only man he’s ever loved and drew it out for 13 more years. Erwin was the only man for the job, that’s what everyone told him, while Eren took the charred remains of his best friend to some field in Shiganshina. Levi’s the only man for this job. Consequences, he thinks, grimly. They come knocking at your door like debt collectors. 

He laughs, a humourless and croaked thing. It’s really fitting that the only thing that dragged him from the cockroach infested floor of his mother’s brothel room, that allowed him to build reputation, would curse him to lose his autonomy. 

Erwin knows opportunity. It’s just Erwin has always used opportunity at the expense of himself; an execution to stage a coup, a suicide run for a chance at victory. He makes it seem noble. It’s scared Levi shitless over the years. If their positions were swapped, Erwin would have said yes on the spot, he’d have agreed without a blink. Levi could have begged and seethed and it would have made no odds. When Erwin makes a sacrifice, he does it from the front lines. This is not how he plays games. He wonders how Erwin would plan without Levi as his gambit.  

If Zeke is a liar, he considers, then Levi could kill him and run. There are enough sympathisers that he could blag his way closer to home. Or he could just leave, and never look back and live in this strange new world as a stranger. It’s what Kenny would do, he considers. Or maybe it’s not. Maybe he had more integrity than Levi gave him credit for. 

Erwin will make this call, he knows. Because Erwin knows what Levi is capable of, and maybe by some miracle Zeke will be good on his word, and nothing will happen. 

If Levi agrees first then it’s his choice, right? Is that freedom? 

The idea of being away from Erwin feels like pulling yarn too taut, watching the thread begin to fray. It lends credence to Zeke’s bullshit, hateably. Maybe what he feels for Erwin is some indelible code. Levi doesn’t consider himself particularly selfless but the idea of what could happen to Erwin on Paradis while he is stuck here in this cesspool makes his chest feel too tight. It’s funny, too, because arguably Levi is responsible for the worst thing that’s ever happened to him. There is some sort of twisted irony in that, the type that Zeke would make sure he appreciates. 

He looks down at his hands. They are not shaking, now, at least not visibly. He forces himself to breathe in and out, steady. When Erwin comes out, he won’t let him ask. It’s less humiliating that way, he decides. He thinks of watching Kenny’s back as he retreated, as he left Levi in that fighting ring, thinks of seeing him leave and still not reaching out to stop him. Is this really that different? He didn’t run after Kenny, agreed to the decision he made. He can do the same here. Severe the thread first. 

The door to the bar opens. Erwin comes out, his steps steady and his back straight. No Zeke behind him, thankfully, Levi cannot promise him he wouldn’t jump him at the first chance. Perhaps they have nothing to discuss anymore, if the decision has already been made.

Erwin looks around, his eyes finding Levi, gazes locked. He tilts his head towards the street they came from. Levi forces himself to walk towards him, to fall into step with him on the way back to their hotel.

He is quiet, so Levi doesn’t speak either. He can barely look at him, if he is honest.

The walk back seems to last hours, or seconds, he cannot tell. He feels on autopilot, his throat dry. When they are finally back in their room he lets the door close behind them, watches as Erwin sits on the bed, exhales heavily, eyes fluttering shut.

So this is when he tells him, Levi thinks. 

“When do I need to be ready for?”, he asks, and thinks himself quite skilled for managing to keep his voice so steady too. 

Erwin looks up at him.

“Ready?”, he repeats, voice empty.

“Yes, ready”, Levi says, impatient. “I need to pack a bag, don’t I? And I am guessing you have shit you want me to do”. 

Erwin is still gazing at him with his vacant look in his eyes. It makes Levi want to punch him in the face, if he is honest, but he guesses he has already filled his quota tonight. 

He moves to his side of the room, starts gathering his clothes. 

“When will you tell the brass?”, he tries to ask again, turned away from him. Easier to talk. 

Silence, still. Levi’s teeth itch. 

“Ohi”, he snaps, turns around to find Erwin staring at him, his breath forcefully even. “Do I not deserve to know that, at least? You know, Erwin, you are a real piece of shit. I wouldn’t have thought you so vindictive. You still hate me for what I did, fine. I broke your trust. Doesn’t mean that now you get to hide your plans from me -”

“What plans am I hiding, Levi?”, Erwin asks, seems to snap out of it slightly, bewildered. “What are you talking about?” 

“No? No plans? No intel you want me to get while I am stuck here with that beast?” Levi laughs, bitter. Fuck, he had wanted to handle this better than he is. “Fine. I guess I’ll -”

“You are not staying here”, Erwin cuts him off, firm. “Obviously”. 

Levi stares at him. His chest is heaving slightly. 

“What do you mean, I am not staying here? Did you come up with a whole new genius idea while I was waiting outside?” 

“Nothing like that”, Erwin says, stands up suddenly. “You are just coming back to Paradis with me”. 

Levi’s brows lift, just a little. “And that’s a tactical decision, right? Not just because you are fucking me?” 

Erwin’s jaw works, he observes Levi with the same caution he used to in the earliest days between them. Good, Levi thinks. 

“I can’t risk it”, he says slowly. “He gave away a lot there; they think you are terrifying. Mikasa is strong, but she’s not you. You bring people a lot of hope, back home, Levi. People don’t like Titans, they find them unsightly, they find war difficult. You are human, and it makes them trust you”.

“Mikasa will be as strong as me”, Levi admits, ignoring the part about Erwin’s years of meticulous propagandising. “Give her time”.

“I don’t have time”, Erwin says, sharper than he means to, probably. 

“According to Zeke you’d have me back in a blink”, Levi says. “See? I’m amiable” 

“Zeke just wants to study you”. Erwin shakes his head. “And he wants to do it here because they have got a century of medical advancements on what we have. Do you think I’d leave you here, really?” 

Levi doesn’t know, honestly.  

“Then what’s your plan?” 

Erwin is quiet. Levi just watches him. 

“Erwin”, he says, soft. “We are getting nowhere here. They have the men and the weapons to chip away at us until we are nothing. No-one back home is built for war, and it’s tiring them out. Eventually someone will break, we’ll fuck up and god knows what it will cost -” 

“ I know” , Erwin snaps and his breath comes out ragged. “I know. I -” He grits his teeth. “I don’t want to let you go”. He lets out an incredulous laugh. “It was never even something I considered. I could send you out there day after day, and even if I knew nothing else, I knew that you would come back”.

Levi swallows, leans back against the dresser, fingers curling around the wood. Erwin’s words are physical sometimes; a punch or a caress, a hug. 

“Do you believe what he told you?”, Erwin asks, and his voice is milder now. 

Levi shrugs. “I had a moment, when I knew I was strong suddenly. So did Mikasa, I asked her. My uncle had no love for the crown, and apparently he was inseparable from Uri Reiss by the end -” 

“You had no love for me in the beginning”, Erwin says. 

“Yeah. Exactly”, Levi says. “So maybe. I don’t know. I -” He considers whether it’s even worth laying it out. “I’d never felt anything like what I felt for you. Maybe it was similar in intensity to what I felt that day, when I was a kid”. He sniffs, and then, as flippant as he can force himself to be. “Fuck it. Some dogs end up with crueler owners. You never hit me, at least, never forced me –” 

“Levi”, Erwin breathes, shakes his head shortly, his eyes screwed shut. “Don’t”.

They are quiet again for a moment. 

“I don’t believe it”, Erwin admits. “It doesn’t make sense”.

Levi looks at him. “Every person is a slave to something”, he says, and can hear Kenny’s rasping dying breaths as he repeats it. 

Erwin’s gaze meets his. “Only to the things we lacked. I don’t think that’s some scientific mystery, nor do I think it’s some condition of your strength. I think it’s human nature”.

“Yeah?”, Levi says, tentative. He’d rather believe that, he thinks, and Erwin makes things very believable. 

“Me to the answers I never got as a boy”, Erwin says, like chewing glass. 

“Me to -” Levi begins. “What? Love?” 

“Companionship, maybe, understanding”, Erwin says. “Trust. And,  Levi, you never once followed an order you didn’t want to”.

“Were you keeping track?”, Levi asks, tsks in the back of his throat. “Don’t sell yourself short; most of your decisions were the only way out alive”.

Erwin smiles a little at that. “You also never really held your tongue”.

“That’s because someone has to tell you when you are being insane”, Levi says. His nails are still digging into the dresser. 

They are silent for a while. Levi can feel Erwin’s gaze on him like a brand, even if he is not looking back. He always knows when Erwin’s attention is on him, he can feel it. He takes a breath in, shakily. 

“I thought you’d make the tactical decision”, he says, cautious. “Like -” He swallows. “Like I did”.

Erwin shakes his head. “That was not a tactical decision”.

Levi bites his lip. It was both, is the truth; he didn’t trust Hanje to lead them, didn’t trust the kid with the Colossal. And he wanted Erwin. He wanted Erwin back. He is self-aware enough to admit that. 

“Part of it was”, he gets out, croaked in his throat. “But I couldn’t - you heard Zeke. I wanted to kill you, I couldn’t. You asked me to let you go, I couldn’t. Maybe I just - he said we are protectors -”

“Own your decisions, Levi”, Erwin interrupts suddenly. “You chose to stay in the Survey Corps. You chose to use the serum on me even when -” He stops himself. His gaze is harder now. “I won’t let you pretend your whole life was just dictated by some higher power”. 

His jaw is too tense, his muscles coiled. The fucker always knows what to say, Levi thinks, because now he feels ashamed for even considering that. It’s pathetic, really, to try and get out of his responsibilities like that.

“I guess it would be retribution”, he mutters. “If you left me here. I chose your destiny for you”. 

Erwin is staring at him now, so intensely it makes Levi shiver slightly.

“Do you really think so little of me, Levi?”, Erwin asks, quietly. “Do you honestly believe I would do that to you?” 

Levi bites the inside of his cheek, looks away. 

“No”, he admits. “I don’t”.

“Come here”, Erwin says. 

Levi walks towards the bed, until he is standing in between Erwin’s spread legs. Erwin’s hands finds his hips, thumb at his waist. 

“It scares me how quick I was to say no”, Erwin admits, soft. “How it was not even a question. Between having tactical advantage and you by my side, I’d choose you”. 

Levi swallows, thread his fingers through his hair. Erwin’s eyes flutter shut. He doesn’t think they have been this gentle with each other in a very long time.

“I thought you still had not forgiven me”, he murmurs. 

“Maybe I haven’t”, Erwin says. “It doesn’t matter. I’d still choose you”. 

Levi lets go of a breath he didn’t realise he was holding. Erwin reaches out, his knuckles just an inch from the skin of his cheek, like he can’t quite bring himself to close the distance. Levi does it, pushes his chin into the heel of his palm. 

“If you’d told me to, I would’ve”, he breathes. “I keep wondering if it’s our best bet”.

Erwin frowns, seems to allow himself to consider it. “You would be the only choice, regardless of what Zeke told us, if I were to send someone here - and I thought about it - it would be you. It’s why I haven’t”.

“Why?”, Levi asks. 

“Because you are cunning, and you are true. You are the truest man I’ve ever known, Levi. Men without integrity fall for anything and Zeke talks a good game, he’s charming, he has a nose for the ideologically malleable, probably because he is himself. I wouldn’t let him lose on anyone else”.

Levi snorts. “I’m impervious to charm?” 

He holds Erwin’s hand in two of his own. Traces Erwin’s palm, where a scar once sat. It was gone when his arm regrew. 

“You’re almost impossible”, Erwin says. 

“Talking from experience?”, Levi asks. They have not spoken this openly in a while either, everytime camaraderie and warm conversation grows something happens, the wrong thing is said, or duty demands attention. He missed talking to Erwin. “You were never very charming to me”.

“If I’d asked you to dinner would you have said yes?”, Erwin smiles. 

“Obviously”, Levi says. “Do I look like I’d turn down a rich-boy footing the bill?” 

Erwin chuffs a laugh. Levi watches him, the lines around his eyes when he smiles, all the little things he remembers from laying next to him for so many years. 

“Hearing you speak about me like that was horrible”, he says, all at once, like pulling out a blade, or relocating your shoulder. “I have watched you bargain with lives before, I didn’t realise I would be squeamish when it was mine. Were you worse after I left?” 

“Unequivocally”, Erwin murmurs. Levi appreciates the honesty deeply. 

“Do you trust him?”, Levi swallows. 

“No”, Erwin says. “Do I think he means it? Yes. I think he’d do anything to see Eren. I think he has some desire to help. Trust? Absolutely not”. He looks up at Levi. “I am sorry. I am sorry you thought, for a moment, I'd do that to you”.

Levi grits his teeth. “You play a good game”.

Erwin’s gaze softens. “I think we are past games, Levi”, he says, grips his hips tighter. Levi lets him pull him forward until he is on his lap, his arms looped around Erwin’s neck.

“I am a selfish man”, Erwin mutters against his lips. “You know this”. 

“Mhh, in some ways”, Levi concedes. He would know; he is one of the things Erwin claimed for himself. “I know you think worse of yourself than you actually are. Even you wouldn’t condemn a population just because -” He stutters. Erwin is gazing at him, fond, brushes hair behind his ear. 

“Because I love you?”, he asks, finishes what Levi wouldn’t say. These are not words they exchange often. Too much weight to carry; when you could die any day on the field. But now, in this room, with only the two of them and far away from home, Levi will take this. He shivers when Erwin pulls him closer, brings their mouths together. It’s slow and soft, nothing like earlier in the shower, nothing like Erwin has been with him recently. 

“I hated speaking about you like that too”, Erwin murmurs. “But I hated hearing him more. He acts like -”

“Like it’s his right to own me”, Levi finishes. “I know what to expect from him. It was harder coming from your mouth. But I understand”.

“I didn’t want to say those things”, Erwin says, brushes his lips down the curve of Levi’s neck, down his shoulders where his shirt has parted. “All I wanted was to show him how you are mine instead”. 

Levi shivers at the words, eyes falling shut. His grip tightens in Erwin’s hair, he holds him closer.

“Yeah?”, he asks, rough. It’s a stupid fantasy, really. But if he has to go, if they have to separate, he would like to be Erwin’s, even if just for tonight. 

Erwin hums, parts his shirt and helps him shuck him off. His hands trail down Levi’s chest, his waist, taking in his muscles, his scars, every blemish on his skin.

“Yes”, he says. His voice has gone low with arousal. “And the brass, too. I told you, it concerns me how they look at you”. 

“I guess now we know why”, Levi says, bitter, looks away. Erwin grabs his chin, forces their eyes to meet again. 

“They can’t have you”, he breathes. “None of them can”. 

“Thank you”, Levi murmurs, the words trip out his mouth before he realises just how stupid they sound. He is grateful, god he is, because for a moment he wasn’t sure. He used to hate the idea of being Erwin’s. Now it’s all he has left. Sometimes he feels delirious at the idea that his biggest problem was once Erwin Smith, that he was the worst thing in Levi’s life. It makes him want to laugh now. 

Erwin pulls him close, Levi’s arms tighten around his back, hug him so fiercely. He can feel Erwin breathe him in, face hidden in the crook of his neck. Levi makes a noise, before he can help it, soft in the back of his throat. It’s nice to feel the pads of Erwin’s fingers on his back, the way they grip into the skin, protective. It’s still gentle, Levi can feel it; for all the violence he wrought and inflicted, ordered from afar, he has gentle hands. He’s warmer to touch than he used to ever be. It’s the same clawing warmth Eren and Zeke have, simmering under the skin. Levi minds it less on Erwin. 

He thinks he understands his ancestors. Protection isn’t just given, or taken, it goes two ways, equal. Strength in return for something harder to define, not just purpose, but safety too maybe. Sometimes he looks at Mikasa, sees how desperately she wants to be protected herself, looked after, and feels so grateful for how him and Erwin are. 

“If you ask me, I’ll do it”, he gets out, rough. “You know I will. And not because it’s an order, but because I believe in you”.

Erwin pulls back slightly, looks at him with such love and fondness in his eyes it takes Levi’s breath away. Erwin is so good at hiding, sometimes Levi forgets everything that’s between them. 

“Your trust is the greatest honour, Levi”, he says. “I hope you know that”. 

It makes Levi flush, hateably, makes him dip down to kiss Erwin again just so he won’t spot the blush on his cheeks. It’s stupid to be this affected, he knows. But Erwin always treats him like he is this precious thing - even if he sends him out in battle, even if he leaves him to fight, even if Levi comes back covered in blood and scars and sweat Erwin always looks at him like he is valuable. 

And it’s not like Zeke does, not like the brass does; they see Levi’s skills, and his body, and the way he moves and that’s enough for them. But ever since Erwin put his face in the mud Underground he has always seen more than just some weapon. Levi knew since the first moment they met, since Erwin used his friends to make him comply. He is dangerous , Levi had thought, and had felt too known for comfort. 

It’s good to be known, now. To be understood so intimately. He lets Erwin flip them around, lets him lay his body down on the sheets, kiss down Levi’s neck, his chest. Levi musses his hair, pulls at the blonde strands. If he is left here, without Erwin, he thinks, will he even be human at all? 

“Levi”. Erwin’s voice pulls him back to reality. His eyes open, meet Erwin’s gaze from where his head is propped up on his stomach. “Don’t think about him, please. Or them”.

Levi swallows, nods. “Sorry”, he whispers. 

He so vividly remembers realising that they had fallen in with one another; nights spent talking, the creeping realisation you know someone. Sometimes thinking about good times makes him ill, it is a harder and more intense feeling than considering anything that ever went wrong in his life. He thinks about the leave they took with Mike, before Maria fell, and Levi was surly with disinterest in a way that made Erwin smile. They had a good thing, for a while, easily the best thing to ever happen to Levi. He’s not afraid to admit that now. 

Erwin was strong in a way Levi had not thought possible. In his life he’d never had an equal, Kenny was too unknowable, and then Levi was far too stronger than anyone around him. He slips his fingers around Erwin’s front, undoes the buttons on his shirt, slides it off his shoulders as Erwin starts on his belt. 

“Did you want me back then?”, Levi asks, and it slips out unbidden.

Erwin gives him a bemused look. “You never talk about the past”.

He really doesn’t. He hates reminiscence. 

Erwin comes to lean over him. Levi’s fingers trace the firm muscle on his shoulder, down his chest. He’s searching Levi’s eyes for something, Levi isn’t sure what, he never is when Erwin looks at him like that. 

“Indulge me”, Levi murmurs. 

Erwin’s hand strokes past his navel, his fingers trace over the outline of Levi’s cock. It makes him sigh out in pleasure, it’s the softest touch, barely the implication of more, but it makes Levi’s thighs fall open. Erwin talks, soft, and his voice like this always makes Levi’s hairs raise a little, makes this feeling settle across his chest and in his head. It’s deliriously nice. 

“I was intimidated by you”, Erwin admits. “It’s hard not to want to squirm under your gaze” And he laughs, so soft and fond it makes Levi tremble. “You look a bit sultry when you are furious. It was very confusing”.

He bites back a smile at that. “I don’t think I was making you squirm. You were fairly fucking unreadable”.

Erwin’s lips draw a line up his jaw, blunt nails dragging a pattern over his cock. Levi arches a little. 

“I wanted someone to believe in me”, Erwin says softly, their eyes lock. 

“I wanted something to believe in”, Levi admits, in a breath. 

When they kiss again it’s searing. It’s possessive in the sweetest way, like sinking into a warm bath. His fingers are tight in the muscle of Erwin’s back, his mouth pliable. Erwin kisses like he leads, gives as much as he takes. It’s the most precious thing, Levi thinks, the thing he is the most protective over; Erwin’s gentle humanity. He doesn’t believe in it, Levi knows, so Levi keeps close like a secret, like a flame you cover to make sure it doesn’t go out. 

Erwin shifts, pressing down, lets Levi feel the heat of him, the solid weight of him. His breath is warm against Levi’s cheek when he speaks again.

“I didn’t see it at the time, but you did believe in me”, he murmurs. “Even when you didn’t want to”. 

Levi’s eyes flutter shut, his fingers gripping tight in Erwin’s skin. 

“You are very convincing”, he gets out. “And you gave me food and a bed. I was easily swayed”. 

Erwin smiles, brushes his cheek with his knuckles.

“I am not sure it was only that. I tried very hard to get you on my side”.

For a long time Levi didn’t understand what Erwin saw in him. He knew what Erwin wanted from him - his strength, his talent, his ability to execute the impossible. But the rest was harder to grasp; the idea that Erwin would want to spend time with him and would value his opinion were foreign concepts at the beginning, they all seemed part of some sick joke. They were getting closer and closer, spending more and more time together and the first time Erwin had kissed him, certain and strong and hard, Levi had taken it with no questions and expected nothing more. He had taken it all - the kissing, the fucking, a warm bed. He knows a good deal when he sees one. It had taken him night and nights in the same bed, days on the field looking out for each other, evenings spent in silence with candles burning to realise what Erwin was offering him, what he had the chance to experience. 

Even then, it had felt too fragile to speak out loud. But Levi had stayed. He always stayed.

Erwin’s hands are at the waist of his trousers, he helps Levi shuck them out, sits back on his heels to get naked too. When he lays over Levi again it makes him shiver from how good it feels, from how familiar and yet nostalgic it is to have Erwin skin to skin like that. They have not taken their time in a while. 

“I couldn’t be on anyone else’s side now”, Levi breathes, as Erwin kisses down his chest, his stomach, presses his lips to the inside of his thighs. Levi is hard and leaking on his stomach, now, shivering from arousal. “It’s always been you”. 

Erwin’s gaze is soft on him when he takes Levi into his mouth, tongues at his hard cock. It makes Levi hiss, oversensitive, makes him buck up in Erwin’s mouth. His hands bracket Levi’s hips, stroke over where the muscle has tensed. There is something tense about doing this here, the idea of letting his guard down so far from home feels too vulnerable for comfort but Erwin has a power too destructive and available for anyone in Liberio to try anything here. So he lets his hands fall to his sides, and doesn’t feel an itch in his teeth above having his throat bared and his stomach on show. 

Erwin pulls back, replaces his mouth with his hand. It punches a breath out of Levi, the slide of his warm palm, the calluses on his fingers. Erwin leans on his elbow, rests his weight so he can watch Levi’s face. He presses a kiss to the side of hair, the vein at his temple. It makes him smile, a sort of grimaced thing. He never quite knows how to handle Erwin’s tenderness. Even if he achingly missed it. He turns a little in his arms, strokes the edge of his fingers along Erwin’s features. On the arch of his cupid’s bow, he takes Levi’s fingers in his hand, crooked and too small and cold to the touch against the heat of his lips, Erwin kisses over the knuckles. 

“Turn over”, he murmurs. 

Levi does, back arching as Erwin traces the line of his spine down to his tailbone. His thighs tremble a little, this anticipation in his pit of his stomach he can’t seem to shake. Erwin kisses the path he stroked, over each corded muscle on Levi’s back, sinuous from overwork. He can feel it all shift with his breath. 

Erwin’s tongue presses flat against his hole, makes his knees shift to accommodate instantly, a half caught cry in his throat. 

“ Fuck” , Levi breathes, forehead to the pillow. His tongue is so warm, makes Levi feel a desperate desire to fuck back against it but Erwin has grip on his thighs that makes him sense he’s just going to make him take this. His hand comes up Levi’s front, rests on his throat for a moment before they move up his chin, press against his mouth. Levi sucks them in. He tastes a little like the cigarette he smoked, the pads of his fingers just a little sour. Levi doesn’t care, he doesn’t care about much right now. Erwin has a way of blessedly scattering his thoughts. His fingers press just inside Levi’s cheek, feel the heat of his tongue, move across his gums. It makes Levi drool slightly, embarrassingly. His eyes squeeze shut. Disgusting. He is not at that point of the night where he can just let go of that.

Erwin seems to sense it as he pulls his fingers free, drags them down to join his tongue. He doesn’t push in yet, just strokes there, teasing, added pressure along with the wetness already there. Levi’s knuckles go white in the pillow. His body feels coiled, strung out. He wants Erwin to keep him like this forever, he wants Erwin to shove his cock inside him. He doesn’t know. It’s maddening, really, the way Erwin takes him apart bit by bit, unhurried in a way that makes Levi’s gut tighten in frustration. 

“Erwin”, he bites out, voice muffled against the pillow. Erwin’s fingers are just rubbing circles across his hole, now, not pushing, not going in. He won’t give him the satisfaction of fucking back against him. For now. He might, if he gets desperate enough. 

Erwin chuckles against his skin, his breath hot as he pulls back. He trails his mouth up Levi’s spine again, pauss to suck at his neck.

“Mhh?”, he smiles, fingers pressing more insistently now, not quite breaching him.

Levi turns his head, glares at him over his shoulder. 

“Quit -” He sucks in a breath as Erwin finally sinks one finger in. “Fucking teasing. Fuck, Erwin, I can take more, come on -”

Erwin hums again, fond and amused. 

“Impatient?”, he asks, curls his finger just right. Levi’s breath shudders out, close to a moan. 

“And you aren’t?”, Levi asks, breathy. Fuck it, he can play this game too. “I thought you wanted to show Zeke that I am yours”. 

Erwin leans over him, pushes his fingers deeper and sinks his teeth into Levi’s shoulder. Pain explodes behind his eyes, electric, it forces a groan out his lips. He hangs his head, tips his neck when Erwin laps over the mark, tongue soothing the imprint of his teeth. 

“I thought you’d prefer me sweet”, Erwin muses, adding another finger. “I’m as much yours as you are mine? Something to that effect -” 

“Bullshit”, Levi gasps.  

“Quite”, Erwin agrees. His nose pushes at the downy hairs of his undercut. “I like taking my time with you. He wouldn’t, you know, he would -” 

Levi moans, it tumbles between his lips before he can help it. The heat that moves through him is white hot, like shame, like hatred, twisting with his arousal unpleasantly. He bites his wrist, eyes wide. 

“Don’t”, Levi drags in breath. It makes something scratch at his chest. 

“Why?”, Erwin asks, softly. He chuckles, and the sound makes Levi’s eyes flutter shut. “He wants you so desperately, it gives me a new appreciation of you -” 

“Oh thanks”, Levi snorts, even if sweat is breaking out across his skin now. Erwin is three fingers deep, and his words are sending a fever through Levi. 

“Really”, Erwin says, there is this little bit of delight in his voice. “I liked watching him watch you. He misreads your moods so terribly. I could give him a chance, I could give him a hundred, I think, and he’d still not take you from me”. His voice is slightly breathless now, Levi can hear. “I don’t think I need to show him. I don’t think I want to”. He’s fucking his fingers evenly, deep and sure. It steals Levi’s voice, leaves him clinging to the sheets under his fingers. “I find it strangely fascinating, to watch him try and understand you. I could tell him exactly what to do with you, exactly how to fuck you, all the little things you like, how soft, and how slow, how you like it fast when you think you deserve it -” Erwin’s hand presses against his stomach, holds him in place as he fucks him with his fingers. Levi is limp in his grip, his chest aching, he squeezes his eyes shut against the words. “How gently you really want it. He’d ruin it all for you”.

He bites his lip, can taste blood. His body feels bow-string taut, aching for release, unsure from what.

“Breathe, Levi”, he hears, soft. 

He does, gasps air down his throat. Erwin pulls his fingers out, presses himself against Levi. He can feel how hard he is, can feel every point of connection between them, Erwin’s soft skin and firm muscles. 

There’s a palm under his chin. “Spit”. 

Levi does. Zeke’s words keep ringing in his ears, submission like it’s some curse Levi can’t escape. He doesn’t feel cursed, now, here. Not at all. 

Behind him Erwin is keeping him stretched open with his fingers, sliding Levi’s spit down his cock. When he presses it against Levi’s hole, wet and hard, it makes him shiver, makes him jerk back in instinct even if Erwin is gripping his nape, keeping him pinned. He could shove him across the room with one movement, Levi knows. He doesn’t really want to.

“He wouldn’t be able to have you like this”, Erwin mutters, guides only the head of his cock inside him and keeps still. It drives Levi out of his mind, makes him tremble and shake with anticipation, with the effort of staying still. “A shivering little thing”.

Oh. Levi’s eyes squeeze shut. 

“Quit talking shit, Erwin”, he rasps, cheeks flushed. “Come on, fuck me”. 

Erwin exhales behind him, amused, grabs his hips and moves shallowly inside him, never slides fully in. Levi’s teeth grit, his brows furrowed.

“Erwin -” He manages to get out, croaked in his throat. His shoulders shake. “Erwin, please”.

For that, Erwin rewards him, fucks into him slow and aching until he is fully seated inside Levi, his forehead pressed against his back. Levi’s lips drop open, his moans don’t come out, just a silent groan stuck in his throat. 

Erwin stays still for a moment, buried deep, breathing slow and measured against Levi’s spine. His hands stroke over his hips, up the curve of his waist, his touch secure, like that of a man who knows what he is owed. He moves slow, drags himself out just enough to make Levi feel empty before sliding back in.

Levi’s nails dig into the sheets. He feels stretched, searingly full, body thrumming with heat and frustration.

“Fucking - move”, he grits out, voice raw.

Erwin hums, the sound thoughtful. “I think he’d rush this”, he muses, rolls his hips just enough to make Levi’s breath stutter. “Wouldn’t know what to do with you if you started begging under him like this”. 

“I am not begging”, Levi says, jaw tightening, something like shame curling in his stomach. “He wouldn’t have me begging”. 

He is really shaking now, feels like he is being pulled apart at the seams by Erwin’s slow pace, his hard cock. He can’t push himself back enough to gain control - he doesn’t want to, really, and that realisation alone has his thighs trembling. 

Erwin kisses the nape of his neck, drags his teeth lightly over his skin. “I know he wouldn’t”, he murmurs. “You get like this only with me, don’t you? You only let me take you apart”. He bites at Levi’s shoulder again. “My perfect Captain”. 

Levi won’t give him the satisfaction of a response, but his body is speaking for him. His muscles tense, his back arches, his hole clenches around Erwin’s cock. Erwin groans at that, finally snaps his hips forward, fucks into him deep and slow. Levi can feel it in his spine, in his teeth, in the base of his skull. There might be tears in his eyes, and he might be smiling, and his voice is croaked and far too fond when he gasps; 

“You’re such a bastard”.

Erwin takes his wrist, pulls him up a little. Levi blinks, forced to see himself in Erwin’s blue eyes. 

“Turn, would you?”, Erwin asks. He slides out of him, and Levi makes a soft noise in his throat. He sits up, uncertain. 

“What like -” 

“Here”, Erwin murmurs, so soft, and brings Levi into his lap, so close they are sharing breath. He holds himself steady as Levi settles above his cock, sinks himself down, arms and legs looped around Erwin’s middle, his neck. 

“Wanna gaze into my eyes?” And it doesn’t come off as scathing as it should. 

“Yes”, Erwin says, with sincerity that is sharp as a blade. Levi’s breath hitches. 

He lets Levi set the pace, his hands trailing patterns down his back, across his collar, the ridge of shoulders. Levi’s touch is mirrored, he strokes the arch of his bicep, the curve of his neck and up to his jaw, muses hands through his hair. Their lips are just brushing, soft, barely the impression of a kiss. Erwin pushes his hair back, strokes the skin just under his eye. Levi lets his eyes flutter shut. The intensity of the intimacy is almost too much. He puts his head on Erwin's shoulder, hides away. Erwin’s arm comes around him immediately, lips falling to the crown of his head, dropping kisses against the hair. 

It’s impossible for his hips not to speed up, but Erwin slows him down, hushes him, sets a pace that sends rolls of pleasure up Levi’s back. 

“In spite of it all, I need you to know”, Erwin murmurs. His hand comes to rest on Levi’s cheek, cups it there, thumb under his chin. “You are so very precious to me”.

Levi gazes at him, defenseless. He’s flushed, and a curl of blonde has settled over his forehead. He’s so handsome, the sun here has already bronzed the skin on him slightly, Levi can see where it ends on his neck. It sometimes takes his breath. Levi strokes his cheek, fingers trembling. 

“You’re everything to me”, Levi whispers, purses his lips against the intensity of the feeling, and shrugs. “Just everything”. 

Erwin smiles, gives the softest laugh. Levi’s eye twitches. 

“What?”, he snips and then gasps when Erwin lays him back, fucks into him with more depth. Levi’s legs wrap around his hips, keep him deep and close. 

“Nothing”, he smiles. “Only you could make everything sound so offhand”.

He interlaces their fingers before Levi can cover his face with his arm, keeps them pinned up by his head. When he fucks into him this time, Levi has to break a hand free to grab the headboard, this guttural noise forced out his throat at how deep it feels. 

Pressed this close, Levi can’t think outside the warmth Erwin offers, filled up and held close. There is nothing outside of this, outside the slide of their skin and the puff of their breath, outside the drag of his cock against the firm muscles of Erwin’s stomach. He lets himself go to it, fully. His name tumbling off Levi’s lips in broken little gasps. It’s been months, at least, since the last time they touched like this, since they had the time, or the desire. He feels spread thin with desire, knows he can’t last long like this. 

“I don’t even have to touch you, do I?”, Erwin murmurs, traces his lips along the shell of his ear. Levi’s head shakes violently. 

Erwin smiles against his skin, pleased, slows down again, pressing in deep and holding there just to watch Levi squirm. Levi lets out a ragged, breathless sound, fingers flexing in Erwin’s grip. He tries to grind down, chase that last bit of friction but Erwin’s hands are firm, keeping him exactly where he wants him. 

“I don’t -”, Levi gets out, eyes squeezed shut. “I am not gonna ask for more”. 

Erwin kisses down his cheek, his jaw.

“You don’t need to ask, Levi”, he says, and his voice is teasing but warm, soft. He draws his hips back slow, drags every inch of himself out and then sinks back in. 

Levi’s lips drop open in a silent scream, his moans sound like a plea, body trembling from restraint. He wants more, he needs more but he won’t ask, not because he is ashamed, or embarrassed, but because he can take what Erwin gives him and nothing more. And Erwin is giving him so much right now already, his soft touch, handling him like Levi is something delicate, something Erwin refuses to let shatter too soon. It’s a nice fantasy, Levi thinks, eyes rolling backup. It sets something off inside him, an ache so raw he feels feverish with it. 

Erwin presses their foreheads together, breath fanning over Levi’s lips.

“Let me see you”, he murmurs, voice lower, softer. “Come on, sweetheart”.

Levi’s chest seizes. He is not anyone’s sweetheart, he has never been but when Erwin says it he believes it. It’s Erwin’s greatest power, he knows, more dangerous than the Titan’s, the ability to turn his words into reality. And even if Erwin does not use it often with him, even if he doesn’t really say these things; they are always there, in his hands, in his voice, in the way he looks at Levi like he’s worth holding onto.

He meets Erwin’s gaze again, lets himself drown in it and Erwin rewards him, finally, fucking into him hard and deep, his grip tightening around Levi’s wrists. Levi gasps, his head falling back, pleasure ripping through him so intensely his vision sparks white at the edges. 

Erwin releases one of his hands, fingers trailing down his stomach but never wrapping around Levi’s cock, just skirting around the skin there. 

“You don’t need it”, he murmurs, and Levi shakes his head again, flushed with embarrassment. He can feel the hint of amusement in Erwin’s breath.

“Shut up”, Levi curses, and then Erwin fucks into him just right, makes him choke on his own breath, hips jerking up. “Shit -”

Erwin kisses his temple, his cheek, his jaw. “Come for me”, he coaxes. “I want to feel it”. 

Levi shudders and finally gives in. He lets himself fall over the edge, spilling between them with a broken gasp. His whole body tenses, pleasure rocking through him so hard it leaves him breathless. Erwin holds him close, Levi lets himself be dragged a little, lets his body move, fluid, with with motion of Erwin’s fucking. His gaze is hazy over his shoulder, paints the contours of the room all muddy. He could be home, he thinks, fingers digging into Erwin’s shoulder blades. This feels like home, here in his arms. 

He kisses the edge of Erwin’s jaw, nuzzles his cheek. Erwin leans over him, stares down at him with such wonder in his eyes Levi almost wants to flinch. He kisses him, head lifted off the pillow, Erwin ducking down to meet his lips. It’s stunningly romantic, Levi thinks, coming down off his release, head spinning. Erwin can make carnality feel like this ideal, feel like something above the filth of human need. Maybe that’s the only reason Levi can stand this. 

When he comes inside him it makes Levi’s head tip back, makes his lips drop open and his eyes roll. For a moment, just a perfect moment, nothing matters. 

“You’re smiling”, Erwin says, breathless. 

Is he? 

He pats Erwin’s shoulder, firm, makes him roll off. For some reason he feels caught. He puts the back of his hand to his mouth, wipes it like he could wipe the emotion straight off his face. 

“I was just -” He struggles. “I was happy” 

Erwin is quiet, but his fingers trail across Levi’s shoulder. He moves to stand, Erwin grabs his wrist. 

“Stay?”, he murmurs. 

“Shower”, Levi says. 

“Just a moment”, Erwin promises, and looks at him with huge blue eyes. 

“No chance”, Levi says, flicking his wrist free. 

He leaves the door open, turns on the spray. He can see Erwin from bed, watches him gaze at him, smiling and chuckling. Levi clicks his tongue. 

“You are transparent as fuck, you know”, Levi calls over the spray. 

“Just testing your obedience”, Erwin calls back. 

“It has firm limitations”, Levi snarks. 

He towels his hair, brushes water droplets off his skin. He damps the edge of a clean cloth, and comes back to bed. Erwin’s gaze follows him, warm. Levi settles beside him, wipes the sweat and come off Erwin’s stomach. He lets himself settle close, head on Erwin’s chest. Outside there is the soft sound of automobiles on cobble, loud to Levi’s ears. He has not really slept since he arrived here. It’s a very loud place, with all the trains and the boats and the airships. 

Erwin’s fingers are absentmindedly stroking his hair. It’s nice. Meaningless touch used to make him feel like a cat, butting his head against a warm palm even when he scratched the same hand minutes prior. He’s tamer now. 

“I don’t know what to do”, Erwin admits, softly, he takes a steadying breath in. Levi looks up at him. 

“None of these people, not a single one of them”, Levi says slowly. “Have an ounce of your edge”.

“You give the oddest compliments”, Erwin chuffs. 

“They are used to winning”, Levi says simply. “You know what loss tastes like”.

Erwin laughs, slightly bitter, it makes his chest rumble under Levi’s ear. 

“You could say that”. 

“It’s the same reason we could fool the MPs, Underground, same reason why we won against the interior. They don’t know what it means to -” He swallows. “To give something up. There is always something you have to give up to win”. 

Erwin is staring at him now, blue eyes inscrutable. Sometimes it’s unsettling how fast he can go back there. Levi loathes it. He wants Erwin warm and soft in bed for as long as it can last. Because it won’t last, he knows, he might never get this again. He can feel it like a knot tightening around his neck. 

He slaps Erwin’s shoulder. 

“Riveting pillow talk, by the way -”

Erwin grabs his wrist, makes him lose balance as he pulls him forward, brings their lips together. He kisses him slow, an apology Levi doesn’t care to hear on his lips.

“Don’t get all mopey on me now”, Levi whispers, keeps his eyes closed for fear of what he’ll find in Erwin’s gaze. Erwin doesn’t answer, just pulls him closer, tucks Levi’s head under his chin so Levi can hide in the crook of his neck. 

“Rest, Levi”, he whispers, and against Erwin’s skin the world outside doesn’t sound as loud as it did before. 

-

He wakes up before Erwin when with the sound of pebbles being thrown at their window. It’s painfully fucking clear who it is, and he wants to jump in the streets just to curse him out, make him eat rocks like he’d deserve for interrupting the only rest they can get, interrupting the last few moments Levi can memorise and keep safe in his chest. He can sense him downstairs without checking, can tell he is drunk, too, and close to blowing up whatever semblance of cover they might have. 

“Erwin”, he mutters, shakes Erwin awake. It never takes long. Erwin’s eyes open the second Levi touches his shoulder.

“What is it?”

“Zeke”, Levi says, simply. Another pebble hits the windows. His teeth itch. “Go talk to him. I can’t -”

Erwin sighs, nods and gets up. Levi watches him dress, a stone in his chest, his ribs constricting like they are trying to push his lungs out. 

“You know you -” He tries, licks his lips. “You know you can -”

Erwin doesn’t answer him, just leans over to kiss him, press him back down in the sheets. 

“Just for now, Levi”, he breathes out, and he sounds slightly desperate. “Let’s - I have not talked to him yet. I am just - meeting him. I’ll be back here soon, alright?” 

Levi studies Erwin’s face, searches his gaze. It’s childish, he wants to say, this is all childish. Do what you have to do , he should tell Erwin, should push him back for even daring to pretend this is not happening. 

But he has been hard on Erwin, he knows. Has told him to get a grip too many times, when dealing with the Colossal, eaten inside by the guilt of what he had done. Sometimes it’s easier to just face reality. Levi prefers it. You can’t get lost in dreams that way.

Dreams are all Erwin has ever had.

So Levi will pretend, for him. Just for him. He cups Erwin’s cheek, kisses his lips again. 

“Of course”, he says. Another pebble hits the window. “Go, or I’ll start throwing stones back at him”. 

Erwin smiles at him, a quick thing. He turns away before Levi can really study his expression. Maybe he is grateful, maybe he feels pitiful. He doesn’t know. 

He watches Erwin open the door, take the stairs. Alone in bed he lays on his back and looks up at the ceiling, the intricate plaster decorations. Everything inside him is itching to move, to run, but he won’t. He won’t give Zeke the satisfaction.

He manages to stay still for about a minute longer before he crawls out of bed and close to the window. It’s closed and he’d have to pull the handle to open it properly but it’s old enough that he can use his knife to crack it slightly. If he looks down he can see Zeke and Erwin standing barely a feet away from each other, their blonde heads close together. 

The air carries their voices, which is annoying, really they should be quieter. He presses himself flat against the wall on the off chance either of them look up and see his outline against the glass. 

“ – I don’t enjoy negotiations in the early hours of the morning”, Erwin is saying. 

“I’m not -” Zeke says over him, he is drunk, it’s obvious in his hand movements, in how he’s fighting to keep his own voice from rising. “I’m on your side” , he hisses. “Have you thought about it? I keep thinking why you wouldn’t just agree, heaven above, it’s a good plan. I would look after him. I would. They want to do terrible things to him, but I really wouldn’t let them. Give him up -” 

“No”, Erwin says, firm. Levi can sense he’s furious, even if his tone hasn’t changed. “No, see, you keep saying give him up and that’s what I don’t quite understand. Because by the virtue of your own plan, I’m lending him at best”.

“So you are considering it?”, Zeke says, almost breathless. “I thought you would infer all that, by the way, I didn’t realise you were so fastidious about word use -” 

“Words are important to the likes of us”. Erwin’s shoulders are broader than Zeke’s, even if their height is almost fair, it gives him this edge. Or it’s just how he holds himself. “We are not strong like Levi. So I take care over them”.

Zeke takes a step back, puts distance between them, huffs a laugh as his throat works. He lights a cigarette, busies his hands. 

“Fine. I borrow your Ackerman”.

Erwin gives him nothing, it’s impassive. 

“Stop it”, Zeke snaps. “You know, either you are not nearly as heartless as they all say you are, or you’re - you’re -” He takes a heavy drag in. “Just angry I came up with this idea first, and trying to ruin it. Are you?” 

Erwin looks at him, really studies him, before he smiles, gentle. “I forget how young you are”.

“What the fuck does that mean?” Zeke gapes for a moment. He clears his throat, rolls his shoulders. “I have less time than you, better acquainted with this power. You’ll blink, and have months left, and you’ll leave him regardless”.

“If we live that long”, Erwin shrugs. 

Zeke sniffs in. “Please, Commander. He’ll keep you around till the 11th hour”.

There is a heavy pause between them. Levi realises he hasn’t been breathing. 

“If anything happens to him. I’ll level this city”, Erwin says, evenly. 

Levi squeezes his eyes shut. 

“Nothing is going to happen to him”, Zeke sounds more chipper now, and then, with a bit of delight. “Have you even given him the choice yet?” 

Erwin takes a breath in. 

“I wasn’t going to make it one”, he says. “It was Levi who suggested it” 

“He knows his worth”, Zeke snorts. 

“He’s not like us”, Erwin repeats. 

“Are you going to say he’s better?”, Zeke snarls, drunk. “You know, if a lamb bares its throat for slaughter, it doesn’t make it better than the other who have already died”. 

“It’s a good phrase”, Erwin muses. “Did your father tell you it?” 

Even from here Levi can see Zeke’s jaw tensing, can see the flash of hatred in his eyes. Idiot, he thinks, Erwin shouldn’t provoke him. It’s not worth it, not with Zeke this drunk and unpredictable. 

But Zeke’s fist unclenches, he takes a step back as he chuckles.

“Low blow, Commander. I guess you are not above them”. He takes a drag of his cigarette. “He makes you lose your composure”.

Levi swallows. Zeke is right, and Erwin should stop showing so much. It’s not wise, it’s not his style either. Erwin shakes his head. 

“You are not telling me anything I didn’t already know, Zeke”, he says, calm. Levi’s heart is beating too loud. “Are we done here? Satisfied with my answer?” 

“Sure”, Zeke snarls. “We can sort details tomorrow. I just needed - well, Commander, I needed an answer. I think you have gone soft, I think you have forgotten we are still on a time limit -”

“I have not forgotten”, Erwin interrupts. His voice is lower, quieter. “I have not forgotten at all”.

They are quiet for a while, then Zeke kicks a rock on the street, the sound too loud. 

“Go back to him, then. We are on a tight schedule, after all”. 

His tone is both smug and bitter. Levi doesn’t wait to hear Erwin’s answer. What can he reply, after all? He has shown all his cards, he thinks, and should feel anger but he can’t. They both have targets on their backs - is it really that bad to add another? He doesn’t know. He doesn’t think he has tried to hide what he feels for Erwin in a long time. He should scold Erwin for not hiding anymore either but he doesn’t want to, selfishly. He wants Zeke to know. He wants Zeke to be afraid, wants Zeke to realise he can’t have him, that he was Erwin’s first and will be Erwin’s last. That makes him pathetic, probably, both of them. He doesn’t think it matters now, when they are almost at the end of the world. 

He goes back to bed without even looking down. He knows Erwin has left, he can feel it, can sense he’ll be back in the room soon. He thinks of trying to pretend to be asleep but Erwin would call him out on his bullshit instantly. In the end he just waits sat on the bed for Erwin to come back.

The door creaks open, slow. Erwin looks old as he steps in, eyes tired and lines around his mouth. He doesn’t look at Levi, just strips off his clothes, slides back into bed. 

“He was drunk”, he says. 

“Yeah”, Levi nods. “That was evident. Idiot fucking move, to come here”.

His heart was beating too fast earlier but it has slowed down now, a calmness settling over him. Erwin looks up at him from where he is laying on the pillows, finds his gaze.

“Levi”, he says. Just that, only his name. He takes Levi’s hand, brushes his knuckles with his lips, long eyelashes fanning his cheeks. Levi’s throat feels dry. 

“You should rest, Erwin”, he tells him, keeps his voice calm and level. “It’s late”.

Closer to sunrise than Levi would like, he wagers. Erwin nods, his jaw works, his eyes falling shut. He shifts his head onto Levi’s chest. Levi doesn’t mind the weight, he strokes through the blonde strands, strokes along Erwin’s temple. 

“Your heart is so steady”, Erwin murmurs. “It always is”.

Levi swallows. He is steadfast, he supposes, in many ways. Maybe it’s inherited, as this power is too; steady hands, a steady heart. He closes his eyes, brows furrowed. 

“Listen”, Levi says, behind his eyes there are patterns, flashes of yellow and gold. “I’d do anything for you -” 

“I know. I know”, Erwin interrupts, his voice sounds thick, his throat raw. “Please. I know”.

He opens his eyes again, this sudden sense of vertigo going through him, he pulls a breath through his nose. It’s like when you lie down after a day slaloming between titans, your body remembers the motion, makes your head spin even once you’re on the ground. It’s worse for Levi, can take hours to feel present, to stop his vision toppling. It’s half the reason he doesn’t drink, it feels unbearably like a bad day in ODM. 

He doesn’t risk closing his eyes again, just watches the sun begin to paint the rooftops through the gossamer curtains. The birds don’t tweet, that soft way they do in places like Trost, they just cry from morning to night. There is something pressing hard on his chest, this inescapable feeling. On his shoulder Erwin’s features look at peace, Levi brushes his hair back, feels something like tears crawl up his throat. He doesn’t cry though. He puts his hand out, watches his fingers. They don’t even tremble. 

Erwin wakes, pulls Levi’s attention to him. He sits up, watches him for a moment. 

“You didn’t sleep”, he says, it’s not a question. Levi draws his knees up, rests his elbows in them to scratch fingers through his hair. 

“Nah”. His throat is raw too. He sniffs in, widens his eyes against the grit he feels in them. 

Erwin hesitates, this odd aborted movement he half commits too, before he seems to regain himself. Levi wonders if he was going to hug him again. He thinks they’ve hugged - proper; arms around each other and holding on for dear life - about three times. Once after Maria fell, when they found each other in the carnage of casualties and viscera, once when they overthrew the monarchy, and then last night. 

He wonders if they’ll hug if Levi comes home. He wonders if they’ll hug when Erwin leaves here without him. 

The day passes in this sort of haze, like he’s a second behind his body. Zeke is quieter, if only because he’s wincing at the sunlight. Strolling between military buildings, Levi asks; 

“Do those cute powers of yours not steam away hangovers?” 

And Zeke just looks at him, opens his mouth and then closes it, clicks his tongue and mumbles. “God, you are such a bitch”.

“Thanks to you we’ll be spending unlimited time together”, Levi says, low. Erwin is talking to some general, shaking hands like it’s a tug of war. 

“Well apparently you offered”, Zeke snorts. 

“You sound like you find that hard to believe”. Levi breathes in, and can’t keep the snark out his tone. “I serve humanity, Zeke”.

“You don’t serve humanity, Levi”. He says like it’s a bad joke. “The Commander does”.

“I’m his right hand”, Levi drawls. “Sometimes they move on instinct, before you even have to think”.

Zeke snorts. “Do you think that sounded clever?” 

Levi shrugs. “I think that’s true”. 

They stand side by side, gaze on Erwin. Levi watches him agreeing to whatever the general is saying, watches him glance back at Levi and nod, curt, turn away completely and start following the man down some corridor. He doesn’t call for Levi, doesn’t ask him to join. Next to him Zeke bumps their shoulders, presses closer.

“You think that’s it? Maybe they are ironing out the contract -”

But Levi is not listening, not really. He is watching Erwin’s back, how tense his shoulders are. Even if it’s not today it will be tomorrow, or the day after, or the one after that. It doesn’t matter. If he closes his eyes he can still feel the weight of Erwin’s head on his chest, can still feel his breath against his lips. 

“He’ll leave you alone, you know”, Zeke is saying. “Do you think you can handle that?” 

Erwin has disappeared now, walked into some room, behind some corner. Even if he cannot see him Levi can still feel him, can still feel the heat of his palm against his cheek. 

“Yeah”, Levi answers, calm. “Yeah, I can”. 

Chapter Text

He used to be able to count the minutes since Erwin left. It wasn’t out of some pathetic need for reunion, It was just something to do with his head. It’s been three months, he knows, he’s keeping track of the days at least. The sun is getting warmer, the air thicker and humid, he knows he’s been here for almost a season. The problem with keeping track, exactly, is that he doesn’t really sleep. Even when he tries, he’s wired awake. He watches a moth butt against the light fixture in his room and thinks of Erwin’s words, murmured into his hair, just before they parted; ‘I’ll come back for you’.

He doesn’t dare ask himself when. It feels too much like despair. He just keeps the words close, sacred and safe in his chest.

“Wide awake?”, Zeke murmurs, stretches beside him. The sheets pool around his waist.

They’re sharing quarters. No-one trusts Levi alone, and Zeke has spun a pretty tale of Commander Smith’s orders to him and complete obedience which means he doesn’t need to be held in shackles. The pretense is worse than the physicals sometimes. Sometimes he thinks he’d prefer a cell, but that would defeat the purpose. Zeke reaches out, Levi grabs his wrist, feels the bones grind.

“Don’t touch me”.

Zeke just laughs, soft. “I’m turning out your light. One of us needs the sleep”.

He reaches past him, clicks it off. The room goes black. Levi stays awake.

When he sleeps, these rare and short hours, he dreams more vividly than he ever has in his life; amalgamations of here and home, of Underground and beyond the walls, back when beyond the walls meant something. They’re garish and fevered, and don’t make sense, and even when he wakes damp with sweat, trying to remember the specifics is impossible.

He wakes before Zeke every morning, without fail. Over breakfast Zeke says, with a grimace Levi doesn’t quite buy;

“My bosses want a good look at you”. He interlaces his hands, leans his chin on them. “We should give them something more”.

“Give them more what?” Levi still struggles to understand how they can have eggs and meat and bread for every meal, but he’s not complaining. The fruit is better, too, strawberries sweeter and apples crisper. “Blood? Hair? Piss?”

“Access to you”, Zeke shrugs. “Are you free tonight, by the way?”

Levi lifts his brows. “Free?”

Zeke laughs, scratches his beard. The sound is like a special sort of torture, like a fork scraping a plate, like nails on a chalk board.

“You know what I mean. We could go to dinner?”

“We could”, Levi agrees. They could do anything, really, it’s not like Levi’s schedule is packed past whatever medical test the brass decides they need to perform on him. He is stuck with Zeke. So really, if Zeke wants to wine and dine him, bring him to some fancy ass place Levi will never see again in his life; well, they can do that. He won’t say no to a good meal.

Zeke looks delighted at that. Of course he does, Levi thinks, watches him with a sort of apathy. He has become some sort of odd fixture in Levi’s life. Not important enough and still always present. He has a first row seat to everything Levi is subjected to in Marley. Levi thinks he probably quite enjoys it. He guesses he can’t wait to tell Erwin every discovery they have supposedly made about him and his line whenever Erwin comes -

He swallows, looks down at his plate. He tries to avoid that train of thought, it leads nowhere, really.

“So what’s the plan today?”, he asks. So far it hasn’t been awful. Marley can run a lot of tests, apparently, but it takes a fair amount of time to get the results. So these first few months have been a lot of waiting and stalling. He is not particularly keen on accelerating the process.

Zeke shrugs. “They got some results back. We are meeting a doctor, going through that”.

Fucking great. At least he is involved in the discussion, Levi thinks, although they often just speak of him as if he is not there. He is used to that though, he was an anomaly in Paradis as well.

The doctor’s office is some large sterile room with instruments Levi has only ever seen used for torture. The man’s face lights up when they walk in.

“Ah, finally”, he says, “we have things to discuss! Sit, sit”.

Zeke does immediately. Levi would rather stand, really, this place gives him an eerie feeling. But he sits down anyway, careful, hands on his lap. He stares at his shoes, polished and new. They gave him new clothes as soon as Erwin left - tried to make him wear that stupid fucking armband, too. They can’t exactly force him, though.

He pays attention only because Erwin would want him to, really. The doctor is waffling on about high bone density, bone health, minerals and whatever else. It’s Zeke who interrupts him, looks at Levi.

“Well would you look at that”, he grins. “With how you move around with your gear, I would have thought you’d have empty bones. Like a bird”.

Levi stares at him, unimpressed.

“With how he moves around?”, the doctor asks, curious.

“The ODM gear they use on Paradis is built with agile and light bodies in mind”, Zeke explains. Levi wants to roll his eyes at him. What the fuck does he know? “Levi doesn’t look very...” He searches for the word. “Dense”.

Levi snorts. “It’s countermovement, idiot. You think we can afford weight requirements on Paradis?”

“No, but it’s not like the average soldier is stuffing themselves with sweets, isn’t it?”, Zeke mocks. He looks at the doctor, points at something on his records. “You should see it, doctor. Really”.

“Well”, the doctor says, with a wince. “Medically, Levi, if I may, you’re not well. Looking at all this it’s as though you spent twenty years without sunlight, it’s -”

“I did”, Levi says, feels his eye twitch.

The doctor takes a moment, eyes narrowing, as though he doesn’t quite believe him. “Well it’s not good for you. It’s important for -” He phrases it as though Levi was some Mitras girl, too scared to get a country tan to walk anywhere without a parasol.

“I know it’s important”, Levi snaps. “I -”

“He grew up underground”, Zeke says, pitifully. His arm drops around Levi’s chair. “Some Paradisian practice for getting rid of their undesirables, I think”.

“Oh”. The doctor scratches his chin. “How inhumane”.

Levi grinds his teeth, forces his breath out evenly.

“The strength you describe then is preternatural”, he continues. “Not unlike yours, Zeke –”

“Preternatural?”, Levi breathes, incredulous.

“It means -”, Zeke begins.

“No fuck off, I know what it means”, Levi snarls. It makes the doctor shift in his chair.

“I mean that you share characteristics”, the doctor says, patiently. It makes Levi want to tear his throat out. “That it’s inline with the literature on your bloodline. But -” He reaches out, Levi flinches back. “May I?”

He settles, lets the doctor take his hand.

“See? The ridges on his nails, and -” He takes a torch, puts a thumb on Levi’s eyes and pulls the skin down. “Pale conjunctiva. I’ll bet you are ill a lot, are you, Levi?”

“No”, he says. “Colds, but -”

“Colds”, the doctor smiles, affirmed in some way. He scribbles something.

Zeke puts a hand on his neck, squeezes and flashes him a smile. “I’ll take you for a steak later”.

“I’m not sick”, Levi hisses, flicks Zeke’s touch off him.

“No”, the doctor agrees. “You are not. I’ll clear him for testing, he’s the real deal”.

“What?” Levi turns to Zeke.

Zeke takes a breath through his nose, shrugs. “Achk. Brass thought maybe you were a fake. Wanted proof there was something indelible in your DNA. Make sure you are no pig in lipstick. It’s a good thing!”, Zeke says, with a smile. “You’re a marvel”.

“You told them about me”, Levi snarls. “What? They don’t trust you?”

Zeke clicks his tongue, gives Levi a long look before he leans close, taps his armband. “They don’t trust any of us, Levi”.

Levi settles back, sucks on his cheek. The doctor is talking to Zeke again, showing him something. On the table, just to the right, there are three pairs of surgical scissors, thin and pointed. It’s about an arms reach away. He gave his blade to Erwin, before he left, and he was searched the same night. Something is making him itch for a weapon.

There is water in a jug just a bit further, glasses.

“Sorry”, Levi interrupts, tries to make his voice flutey and weak. “This is a lot. Can I get some water?”

Zeke looks at him, then shrugs. The doctor motions. “There”, he points.

Neither notice when he slips the scissors up his sleeve. He resettles, water in two hands.

“Do you need a sugar cube or something?”, Zeke asks, slightly incredulous. Levi shrugs, sips on his water.

“It’s all very new, that’s all”, he says. “You should be able to understand, I guess”.

Zeke looks rightfully chastised at that. He nods, turns to the doctor again. “So when do we start?”

“Tomorrow at the latest”, the doctor says. “I just need to get these documents cleared. I am sure the brass is eager to start, but they need -” He eyes Levi nervously. “They need to - settle some things, first. Preparations, you understand”.

Zeke nods, sagely, as if this all makes perfect sense. Maybe it does to him, Levi wouldn’t fucking know. He probably went through similar exams, he considers, or maybe not, since they have been handing each other Titans for centuries here. Levi blinks, feels for the scissors in his sleeve. He doesn’t even know why he is thinking about that.

The day passes slowly. There is not much to do as a political prisoner in Marley, it turns out, although Levi is sure he’ll be busier from tomorrow. The thought makes his teeth itch but it also makes his muscles coil. Ready for a fight. It’s all he is good for, apparently, or at least that’s what they keep telling him. He spends the whole afternoon in the training area with Zeke and the other Warriors, the kids who will eat them one day. Poor bastards. Levi keeps to himself, like he has always done, and everyone keeps their distance. Except for Zeke.

“It’s always interesting to see how many scars you have”, Zeke muses when Levi is changing after a shower. “I would have thought someone like you would have the ability to keep himself pristine”.

“I am not a shiny toy, Zeke”, Levi mutters, dries his hair. “You forgot our little encounter? You try do that without getting a bit disheveled”.

“You were more than disheveled, to my memory”, Zeke says, and it sounds in-between leery and fearful.

They actually do end up getting steak for dinner. It makes Levi slightly nauseous, if he is honest, the way people eat their meat so bloody here. He munches through it anyway.

“This would have been nicer”, Zeke comments, “without tomorrow looming over us”.

Levi looks at him, questioningly. “What do you mean?”

Zeke looks around, drops his voice to a whisper. “I mean they won’t be nice to you, Levi. They have let you acclimatize, these past few weeks, but now they are ready to play the game”.

“Just like you organised, no?”, Levi scoffs. “Fucking spare me. I have had worse”.

In the morning he slips the scissors into the side of his boot, laces them tight. Zeke throws him a T-shirt, military standard, the cotton soft.

“They’re definitely going to make you sweat”, he says.

“Joyful”.

Zeke leans close, smiles. “I’d do as I say”.

They make their way to the same training grounds, but there is no-one there but a selection of officials, soldiers held at attention whose eyes train on Levi the second they see them. They’ve put chairs out for the generals. Levi recognises them from when he first arrived, recognises them from when they were talking to Erwin.

“Zeke”, one says. Zeke salutes, pulled to attention. He’s important then. “At ease. Look at you; what an achievement. It’s always you, isn’t it?” It’s said with a hint of derision Levi quite enjoys. “And that’s the Ackerman? You caused us a lot of trouble, from the field reports”.

“You should come to the field, sometime”, Levi says evenly. “See it for yourself”.

Zeke laughs, a tittering thing. “Commander Magath is in charge of the Eldian division, here. So, technically, he’s your boss”.

“Technically”, Levi agrees.

Whoever approaches next makes them both salute. So he’s more in charge, Levi guesses.

“He’s contemptuous looking”, the general says, succinctly. “Well, Jaeger. Does he cooperate?”

“He’s a delight, General Calvi”, Zeke smiles, drops an arm around Levi congenially. Levi’s eyes fall to the doctor from yesterday, stood a little back, clutching a clipboard. “Paradisians treated him rather terribly, due to his lineage. I’m sure there was a part of him that was relieved to escape. That Commander Smith knows a good deal when he sees it, practically threw him at our feet”.

God he lies so easily, it trips off his tongue as naturally as conversation. It’s only knowing it’s a lie at all that makes Levi clock it.

“The devil drives a good bargain”, Calvi admits.

“He’s dangerous”, Levi promises. They hold eye contact for a moment too long.

“Zeke”, he says slowly. “If Captain Levi here is so cooperative, why does he look like he wants to gut me?”

“Well, General, sir”, Zeke begins. “It’s - it’s his resting face, I believe”.

He shakes off Zeke’s touch, suddenly can’t stand it. The pretense is appalling. He feels exhausted by it already.

“Just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it”, he says, and takes barely an inch of a step closer to them.

The guard on his right, barely nineteen, pasty and freckled and white, shoves his batton into Levi’s side. It’s not a baton though, it’s not just blunt force, it sends some white hot agony through his side, makes his knees buckles against his will. It makes him cry out, makes his whole body tense for a moment, teeth grit.

Zeke is holding a hand up. “Hold on - hold on -”

Levi drags a breath in through the shock, looks up from under his hair at the boy.

“He moved so fast”, the soldier blunders. “He -”

“Do that to me again and I’ll make you fucking eat that thing”, Levi snarls. Zeke holds his shoulders, gives him a look between horror and bemusement.

“Sorry, Levi”, he breathes. “It’s for animals”.

Levi’s breath comes sharp and furious. It’s not like he has never experienced or witnessed anything similar - Underground, the police used to put thieves in stocks, leave them for everyone to ogle at and worse. Levi just never got caught. And it’s more than that, really - he is not used to this anymore, he thinks, holding his side and watching the instrument in the guard’s hands. For someone so convinced of their own inhumanity, Erwin was always good at making him believe he was more human than all of them instead.

“It’s used for cattle, usually”, Zeke continues, his voice a mocking drawl. Levi wants to rip his tongue out. “To push them along. For compliance, mhh?”

“I am not a fucking cow”, Levi mutters. His side is still hurting, there is still a buzz where the prod touched his skin.

“Then move along without needing to be told so”, Magath says. His jaw is tight.

Levi doesn’t answer, just stares at him. Magath doesn’t look at ease, the soldiers don’t either. Zeke looks mildly delighted.

General Calvi claps his hands. “Oh he will move”, he says, looks at Levi and points carelessly to the training grounds. “Run. Let’s see how long an Ackerman can hold out before he drops”.

“Run”, Levi repeats, expressionless. “In circles? That sounds like every negotiation table I have sat at in Marley -”

The soldier raises his prod but Zeke clicks his tongue.

“Careful, Levi”, he tells him, low. “You don’t want to find out what they do to the real wild ones”.

So he runs. They’ve cleared the training ground for him, uneven terrain packed underfoot. It’s hot, the kind of heat that seeps into the bones and slows reaction time. In his boot the scissors are pressing against his shin in a way that’s not exactly safe nor comfortable but he’d rather focus on that than on the rest. Like the time passing, how much his muscles are starting to ache. It becomes harder and harder to ignore after a while. He doesn’t know how long.

At some point someone shouts at him to pick up the pace. Another voice tells him he’s dragging his feet. Levi is used to exhaustion. He’s lived in it, fought through it, bled into it. It’s always been easy for him to retreat in his own head, let his body take command. He has always done it. But this is different, this is meaningless. There’s no enemy to cut down, no moment of reprieve between skirmishes. Just endless pounding against the dirt, lungs burning as his body demands the rest Levi won’t give it.

He can feel their eyes on him. The soldiers and the officials watching him, waiting for him to break. He can’t see them, though, not really. Sweat is pouring into his eyes, salty and blinding and painful.

They make him run past the point where his breath starts to hitch, past the point where his vision darkens at the edges. He feels the sweat soaking into his t-shirt, the fabric clinging to him. They want him to collapse, Levi knows. He won’t give them that.

He stumbles, just once, but he catches himself before his knees can hit the dirt. He’s listing forward, muscles cramping, his body shrieking at him. He can’t even swallow properly anymore; his mouth is dry as paper.

He can hear Zeke at some point, somewhere on the sidelines. “General”, he says, “don’t you think we’ve seen enough?”

The sky has changed color, it’s almost dark now. He can distantly hear the General and whoever else talking between themselves, discussing what to do until someone gives a halt.

Levi slows, forces himself upright. It takes everything in him to keep his steps measured, not to let them see the way his legs tremble under him. He breathes through his nose, long and steady, as he turns back to face them.

Calvi is smiling. The kind of smile that sets Levi’s teeth on edge.

“Good”, he says. “Let’s see what he has left”.

Zeke is giving him this appraising look, eyes narrowed just an inch. His eyes are following the line of sweat that’s currently making its way down Levi’s throat. There is a shuffle of feet, and on his right stands a collection of soldiers. They’re tall, broad, and well maintained. Levi knows a fighting ring when he sees one. He just doubts the general will take bets.

The soldiers don’t look Marleyan, they don’t speak Eldian amongst each other. One of them turns to the officer, lifts his brow and says something. They don’t look pleased to be here, conscripted from home likely, some faraway place that now flies Marley flags.

“What’s he saying”. Levi tips his head, lets his hands rest on his knees for a moment as he drags in breath, cracks his neck.

“He says he doesn’t fight boys who can’t fight back”, the officer says, lights a cigarette.

Noble, Levi guesses.

“Tell him he -”, Calvi begins.

“I speak your language, sir”, the man spits. Levi feels bad, actually, that he’s going to have to beat him half to death. Because they have the same look in their eyes as Levi.

“Do you need a moment, Levi?”, Zeke asks, a smile in his voice. Zeke ‘I won’t hurt him’ Jaeger, can go fuck himself.

“Nope”, he grits. He motions with his fingers to the group of them. They seem to understand. There is blood in the air, the metallic taste of violence. With the clawing humidity and the darkening sky, Levi could be Underground again.

The second they make a move on him, Levi feels a pulse through his bones that makes his exhaustion slip away. There are seven or so, and three have gone around his back. They don’t land a hit on him, not one of them. They are slow, and they underestimate him, and maybe they feel sorry for him too. But Levi doesn’t know what they will make him do next, and he doesn’t have the luxury of going easy on men who pity him. He puts all seven on their backs.

“Under three minutes”, Magath says, stunned.

Levi didn’t break any bones, he was careful, just harsh enough to make sure they don’t get back up. The adrenaline fades, and the edges of his vision swim.

“There should be ten more in the break room”, Calvi says, eyes narrowed. “Get them”.

The man who looked at him with pity hisses something under his breath as he hobbles away.

Levi doesn’t need to know the language to gather the meaning. Ten more, he thinks, ten more is doable. Probably.

“You gonna make me cripple your whole army in one night, General?”, Levi asks, squints against the ache of exertion in his chest.

“Hit him, would you Zeke”, Calvi says, with a clench of his jaw.

Levi gives him an incredulous, furious look. Zeke sucks on his cheek to fight his smile.

“Well, you’re cooperating with our military, aren’t you?”, Magath snaps. “And Commander Smith left you in the War Chief’s care. Have you never been disciplined?”

Levi shakes his head. “I’m just exemplary back home, what can I say”.

“Smith gave that mouth of his lee-way”, Zeke sighs. “On account of the blessings of his heritage”.

Zeke raises his palm, closes one eye like he’s measuring the distance, and gives him a succinct back hand across the cheek. It doesn’t really hurt, Levi thinks as his head whips with it, it’s just bitingly humiliating. He doesn’t think he’s been slapped since he was a boy. Comparatively, Kenny’s were significantly worse.

Levi licks his lip. It hasn’t even split. “You never hit a man before, Jaeger? Not bad for your first go”. He wipes sweat from his face. “I forgot you only know how to throw a ball”.

Something flashes across Zeke’s gaze. He is about to speak but is interrupted, a new group being sent into the arena.

It’s ten of them this time. They step into the yard looking wary, but not hesitant. Someone must have told them what happened to the last group because they move in tighter, more coordinated. These ones don’t pity him, Levi thinks. That’s good, really. They shouldn’t, because he is aching all over and his cheek is red and he is starting to get really fucking pissed off.

Zeke exhales beside Calvi, tilting his head with an air of manufactured boredom. “Try to last a little longer this time, gentlemen”, he muses, as though Levi isn’t standing there, shirt soaked through with sweat, pulse hammering through his skull.

One of the new soldiers cracks his knuckles. “He’s small”, he says, and his accent is thick, foreign. Another conscript from some occupied territory, then. He turns to Magath. “Is this a joke?”

“Fight”, Calvi simply orders. “Or I’ll make sure you regret it”.

That settles things; the soldiers stand to attention. Levi glances at Calvi, his sunken-in face and tight features. The look of a sadist, that’s for sure. Levi knows how to recognise them.

When the soldiers move in Levi’s body knows before the mind does, his pulse roaring in his ears as he ducks a strike, steps inside the space of another opponent, and slams a knee into his gut. The air leaves the man in a choked sound, but Levi’s already moving again, fingers closing around another soldier’s wrist, twisting until he hears the pop of dislocation. Someone gets in a hit; an elbow grazing his ribs, pressing too close to the place where the cattle prod got him earlier. It hurts. His vision goes white at the edges for a second, pain licking up his spine, but he doesn’t falter. He turns with the impact, lets it carry him, and uses the momentum to drive his heel into the bastard’s shin. The soldier drops with a sharp yell, clutching his leg.

Levi doesn’t stop. He doesn’t slow. The exhaustion is there, but it doesn’t matter. These assholes don’t know that he has fought like this with nothing in his stomach, throat dry from lack of water; that he has fought like this with the bodies of his comrades still warm on the grass. His mind is blank, only calculation and movement, only the electric charge of a fight he knows he has to win. Because if he stops, if he loses, they’ll do something worse.

Then it happens.

Levi’s foot sweeps out, catching another man’s knee wrong. The sound it makes, sharp and sickening, cuts through the humid air like a gunshot. The soldier doesn’t scream right away. There’s just silence, and then a breathless, awful keening as he crumples to the ground, clutching his ruined leg.

Everything stills.

Levi blinks sweat from his eyes, heart slamming against his ribs. His breath is ragged, chest rising and falling too fast, but he only watches as the man writhes in the dirt. The rest of them hesitate now, hands twitching at their sides, waiting for a command that doesn’t come.

Calvi shifts, eyes narrowing with something sharp. Satisfied. And then Levi knows.

He swallows, tongue pressing against the roof of his mouth. His jaw is tight, his head pounding. But his voice is steady when he asks;

“Should I kill him?”

For a moment, no one moves. The soldier whose leg he shattered groans low in his throat, and it’s a bad sound, something that says he won’t be walking right ever again.

He can hear the smile in Calvi’s voice when he speaks; “With your bare hands?”

Levi shrugs. His head is pounding. He thinks of Erwin, briefly, of all his empty words on his humanity, his warmth, his kindness. Bullshit. Levi is not kind. He wants this to stop, he wants this to end, and he knows what these generals want from him. Why should he not give it to them?

He lifts his chin, squares his stance. “Well that’s what I am here for”, he says. “Am I not?”

Zeke’s smile has dropped. He looks disturbed now, really, which is good. He should sleep with an eye fucking open.

“Zeke”, Calvi says, although he doesn’t take his eyes off Levi’s. “What did you tell the Commander to make him leave his Captain here?”

“I told him Marley had better wars to fight, and that Levi could win them. The devil wants peace”. Zeke says it like it’s an insult. “I assured him it”.

Calvi huffs a laugh, a short and delighted thing. “Congratulations, you’ve secured us a legacy. My god”. His gaze rakes over Levi. “And you do as we say?”

Levi’s jaw works, he looks at Zeke, and then back at Calvi. Fuck it, he thinks.

“Commander Smith told me to serve you”, he says, nausea rising through him. “So I will”.

“He won’t move against Paradis, obviously”, Zeke says, pushing his glasses up his nose. “It’s entirely against his purpose, I doubt he’d even be able”.

Cavli just shakes his head, takes a step closer, and puts a firm hand on Levi’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, Captain. We have many more wars to fight”.

Magath takes Zeke aside, murmurs something to him. There are medics checking the soldiers, putting them on gurneys. None check Levi, none dare to move close. Eventually it’s just him and Zeke, the sun almost completely set.

“Well -”, Zeke begins. Levi close fist backhands him, it takes the last of his strength with it. Zeke’s nose crunches, satisfyingly, his whole body reeling back. Zeke cries out, a wild thing. “Goddamnit. Goddamnit”.

Levi staggers back, squeezes his eyes shut. “You enjoy that? Watching me sweat?”

“Yes”, Zeke says, cups his bleeding nose. “Come on. You tore me out my titan and stabbed me through the mouth. It’s only fair”. They observe each other for a moment. “Think of it like this; maybe you’ll sleep tonight after all that exercise”

“That boy won’t walk again”, Levi snarls.

“Yes”, Zeke muses. “You made sure of it, didn’t you? Will it really weigh heavy on your conscience?”

No. It really won’t.

“Magath told me Calvi wants to show you off tonight. It’s a gentleman’s club, Marleyan military only. I’m your plus one”. Zeke’s tone is strange, slightly off.

“Never had an invite before?”, Levi surmises. “I must be very special”.

“They never liked me much”, Zeke admits. “I used to run here too, train on this track. They said I was miserable. Look at me now”, he muses.

“You’re still fucking miserable”, Levi mutters.

He only has time for a shower, to scrub blood and sweat of his skin before he’s being dressed up and driven by Zeke to his next trial. He puts the window down, lets the wind whip through his hair. It’s nice, actually. He lets his eyes close for a moment.

“Dogs do that”, Zeke says mildly. He steers with one hand, the other idle out the window, tapping ash off the end of his cigarette. Levi stares at him, lip curled, the smell of the leather in here makes his head ache harder. Zeke’s gaze falls to him for a moment, he motions to the space between them, where the cigarettes lie. “Want?”

He doesn’t, not really, but it’s like the day demands it. He takes one, lights up.

“You do it more now”, Zeke says. “You drink more too. Have you noticed?”

“Nope”, Levi says. He’s shaky with exhaustion, he realises. A pick up is probably necessary.

“You were quite ascetic when you arrived”, Zeke muses. “But I think, really, you’re a bit of a hedonist. Pain-pleasure avoidance; you obeyed so you didn’t get shocked earlier, you fought so you didn’t have to fight more. You’re smoking because it feels good, you’ll drink tonight because you want to”.

“God, you are insufferable”. Levi sinks into the chair, cups his forehead. Zeke laughs, a soft thing. The air is thick with smoke and leather; Levi can’t stand it. He drops his forehead to the side of the window, eyes closed and wind messing up his hair. His body is still thrumming, a dull, steady ache settling in his limbs, exhaustion pressing at the edges of his mind but his nerves still lit from the fight. If they didn’t have to go to this event he could lay in the bath in his room, take a long warm shower like the ones he never got in Paradis. Instead he is here.

Zeke is watching him, side-eyeing him like he is something to be studied. He has always done this but Levi guesses today re-ignitated the spirit of research in him, or whatever the fuck. Levi can feel it, the weight of his attention, the way his fingers are tapping idling against the steering wheel.

“But I am right, aren’t I?”, Zeke asks after a while.

Levi shifts, stretches his neck. “About what?”, he mutters.

“That you are a bit of a hedonist”, Zeke says. He flicks his cigarette out of the window. “You enjoy it. Not just the fighting, the aftermath. The heat, the ache”. He glances at Levi again. “I reckon you quite enjoy feeling used”.

God. Levi doesn’t answer, just shuts his eyes. wWhat would Yaeger know? Levi is not about to explain it, not about to tell him how odd it used to feel to come back to his body, how he has just learned to accept something else taking over, how sometimes in battle he even started to crave it, if it meant being able to look away from all the death. It doesn’t work like that anyway, not really. Erwin had asked once, when he got the Colossal and could not remember much of what was happening during his transformations, had asked if Levi felt the same, during his - fits, he thinks Erwin had called them, or maybe it was another word, a fancier one. It’s not like that, Levi remembers everything. He is not a spectator. He can feel how that kid’s leg broke under blunt force even now. But it’s easier to pretend. Easier to act like it’s all instinct taking over. Like he doesn’t enjoy the smell of blood in the air, the way his muscles pull and shift with each movement.

“I am sure that’s what you like to believe”, Levi murmurs, takes another drag of his cigarette. “Fucking freak”.

Zeke shrugs, flicks his cigarette out of the window. “You are terrifying. I told you, can’t say I don’t like watching you sweat”. He looks at Levi, rakes his gaze over him. “It’s a pretty view. All wet and flushed, answering their orders. I can’t tell what’s better - seeing you hate this, and do it anyway; or the fact that I think you secretly enjoy it when someone tells you what to do”.

Fuck him. Levi flicks his cigarette at him, puts it out on the bare skin of his forearms. It makes Zeke flinch and owl, makes the car smell like burnt meat.

“I thought we had been over this”, Levi hisses. “I am not in a good fucking mood, Zeke. Next time I am putting that out on your eye”.

“Right”, Zeke says, and huffs.

Zeke parks up, throws his keys to some boy and drops an arm around Levi. “Please be on your best behaviour. I know you and high society are not -”

“Don’t want me to embarrass you?”, Levi asks. “I can behave”.

The atrium is all gold and red, high ceilings and glittering crystal and marble. The decadence makes him ache. Their laughter is grating, awful and none of them are particularly pleased to see Zeke. Levi, however, they’re all very pleased to see him. It’s disorientating, actually. Zeke is not permitted the same respect, he doesn’t talk so openly, only speaks when spoken to. It makes something in Levi squirm, something like sympathy. He’s not sure, he hates it honestly.

“And you took him down, or so I hear”. It’s some general, some commander. They all know “Zeke, and little Annie, and Reiner. They were our best. Well, Zeke was eventually”.

Zeke puts a hand on his shoulder, slips away with a soft, excuse me.

Levi shrugs. Does he tell him he broke his ankle right in half the first time he fought Leonhart? Or that Zeke almost took everything from him? They are not weak, by any stretch of the imagination. Marley, realistically, would be disappointed by Ackerman’s fairly quickly; Mikasa is impulsive, Kenny was a wreck, his mother -

Zeke bumps his shoulder, hands him a glass of something in a long flute.

“To Marley?”, he suggests.

The General gives him a long look, like he’s not impressed with the sycophancy and then he gives Levi a once over, like he’s working something out. Allegiance, probably.

“To Marley”, Levi says blandly. It hits the back of his throat, and then his head within seconds. It’s actually, annoyingly, really fucking nice. It’s got sharper bubbles than ale, and a softer flavour than wine.

“Come with me”, Zeke says, in a rare moment where no-one is speaking to either of them. He takes him out to a balcony, views over the sea and no stars in the sky past the smog. There are flowers though, trailing over the stone of the balustrade. The breeze of the ocean is pleasant.

“You were looking overwhelmed”, Zeke says, and uses his hand to fan him like he’s a lady with a corset too tight.

“I wasn’t”, Levi lies. “Probably the wine you keep plowing me with”.

“Mmh. Sparkling. It’s a real delicacy”, Zeke says. “You’re lucky. Do you have carbonation on Paradis?”

Levi stares at him blankly.

“That’s a word for you to take back to Smith, then”. Zeke gives him a smile. “It’s what makes it bubbly. And -” He snaps his fingers. “Electrocution is what made your side hurt, this morning. Two new words”.

“Electrocution”, Levi enunciates, tastes it. Zeke clinks their glasses.

“There you go”, he winks.

It makes Levi bite back a smile, for some reason. He lets half a laugh out between his teeth. They are quiet for a moment, before Zeke inhales.

“I got you this, by the way”. He unravels a napkin, shows him something from the buffet table Levi had pointedly ignored. “You don’t get these fruits where you are from. I thought -” He shrugs, clears his throat. “You look like you need some vitamins”.

It looks good; pastry and sugar and something like cream. Zeke holds it out between his thumb and index finger. Makes no move to actually give him it. Levi just rolls his eyes, feels warm with how stupidly obvious he’s being. It’s kind of pathetic. He puts a hand beneath Zeke’s to catch the excess, and eats out his hand.

It’s easy to eat in one bite, it’s made like that. Food for easy conversation, it makes Levi feel repulsed, really. But the flavours are new, and maybe Zeke is right, he does like a nice thing or two. He laps his tongue, once, over the filling that’s still on Zeke’s thumb. Zeke’s eyes dilate. It’s really pathetic.

Zeke’s eyes are dark now. He is not grinning anymore, not really, his lips parted. It makes him look younger, as young as he is, when he is not wearing that stupid mask of fake bravado. His hand stays where it is. There is still cream on his thumb. Levi’s gaze flickers to it. When he looks up he can see Zeke has followed the movement, can see the desire in his eyes.

Levi pulls back, quick, his hand falling to his side.

“Not bad”, he says, looks out onto the ocean. “Ridicolous, though. Why is it that small”, he snorts. “Everything is a game here, even fucking food”.

Zeke’s lips curl into a smile. “A game. Right. You know, for all your complaints, you are not bad at playing along, Levi”.

Levi’s hands clench into fists. “That’s what I am supposed to do, isn’t it? That’s the plan”.

Zeke’s gaze flickers to the doors. The party is still going on inside. If anyone has noticed they are missing, they don’t care.

“Mhh, yes. But is it all torture, really? I was right, by the way”, he says, all self-satisfied. “You smoked, you are drinking now. You know you are allowed to like things, Levi”.

Levi watches him, gaze moving up and down. “And what do you think I like?”, he asks, steps closer. Zeke’s pupils dilate even more. “You?”

Zeke is flushing, Levi can see. The effect he has on him is kind of infectious, if he is honest. Sue him, he likes to see the man squirm. He is warm with alcohol and food and adrenaline is still pumping in his veins.

You are allowed to like things, Levi.

Levi lets the silence stretch out. Zeke’s mouth opens, closes again. It’s like he wants to tease Levi again and doesn’t know how, like he didn’t expect anything of what happened. It’s too easy, really, Levi thinks, though it stings somewhere deep down. Zeke’s the last person he should be wanting to get a reaction out of.

“I think you like being toyed with more than you let on”, Zeke manages to get out, in the end. He fumbles with a cigarette, lights it. “Isn’t that what your Commander did, too?”

He doesn’t want to think about Erwin right now.

“Don’t talk about him”, he says. Zeke’s eyebrow raises.

“Doesn’t get you going?”

“Is that your goal here?”, Levi asks. “Give me a cigarette”.

Zeke hands him his pack. Levi takes one, puts it in his mouth, leans over to let Zeke light it. His hand is shaking as he does, Levi can see it through half-lidded eyes.

“Just curious”, Zeke says. “Did you start taking orders from him as quick as you did from the generals here? Even quicker with your bond, I bet”.

“He didn’t treat me like some sort of animal, if that’s what you are really wondering”.

“Yeah, well. No cattle prods in Paradis”.

Truth is Erwin is smarter than that, Levi thinks. He immediately understood what Levi cared for and used it against him, understood what he needed and gave it to him. There was no beating needed after that first fight. Maybe he got conditioned, who knows. At least he knows what manipulation looks like, and Zeke is entirely too obvious for it.

“What will you do?”, Zeke asks mildly, leans back against the balcony, elbows propping him up. “If it all goes well, you and him. You could travel, with what time you have left, see more. I'm well travelled, it gets much better than Marley, I promise”.

Levi swallows, looks away and shrugs.

“You don't even allow yourself to hope?”, Zeke asks, lifts his brows. There is some genuine sympathy in it. “That's sad, Levi. You’ll have a lot of life to live without him, you know. Find some spark”.

“That your advice?”, Levi asks, gazes at him. “I'm not gonna spend it with you”, he adds on, in a snark.

“I only have a few years”, Zeke says, soft. “But I told him too; thirteen pass in a heartbeat”.

Levi drags in a breath, lets it out slow. Suddenly he feels so tired. He takes another sip of his drink, wets his lips.

“You should spend less time thinking then and more time doing, Zeke”.

“And live like you?”, Zeke asks, he leans over, brushes Levi’s hair over his ear. Levi weathers the touch. “Impulse to impulse?”

He turns. Zeke has moved closer, just a bit, his leg almost between Levi’s, though it’s more implication than anything actual. The air here smells like less salt, more of the flowers in bloom around them, sweet and earthy. Levi feels amiable, all things considered. It's definitely the wine.

He smiles, lets it fall across his face. “You think very little of me”.

“I think so much of you”, Zeke murmurs. “Really, Levi”. His gaze flickers to his lips, once, back up to his eyes.

“You are a charmer”, Levi says. “I'm sure you say that to every poor bastard you pin against balconies”.

“I don't”, Zeke promises, crowds a little closer. “You are very singular”.

Their noses are almost touching.

“So I hear”, Levi says, letting his voice drop to the space between them. “I hear I'm about to save Marley, right?”

And Zeke laughs, private and soft, like this is their secret. It is, in a way. Maybe this betrayal means more to Zeke. They don't treat him well here.

“For Marley, Levi”, he smiles, and ducks closer, a breath against Levi’s lips like he's asking permission. Levi lets him, inclines his head just an inch, accommodating.

Zeke closes the distance, palm cupping Levi's cheek. He tastes like smoke when his lips presses against Levi, he always smells like it too, the fancy fucking tobacco they have here. It’s not unpleasant, really, Levi will give him that; or maybe he is just drunk, and tired, and lonely. He misses Erwin, he misses his touch, he misses feeling like more than just a weapon. If he lets Zeke cups his cheek, lets him kiss him soft, will he feel more human tonight in bed? With Erwin he did. He always did.

Zeke’s hand slides from his cheek to his nape, wraps in his hair to pull softly. It makes Levi shiver, makes him melt slightly against the balcony. So what if he enjoys this, what if he enjoys the wine and the cigarettes and a touch that’s not clinical. He can have this, for a bit, can’t he? He lets Zeke press closer, lets him slide his leg between his with more intention. His head is spinning slightly. He is pretty sure he is spilling his wine all over the floor. The next time Zeke tries to deepen the kiss he lets him, opens his mouth for him. Zeke almost pants into his mouth at that, grips his hair tighter.

“Fuck, Levi”, he groans. “I can’t believe you’d let me do this”.

Is that what’s happening? Zeke’s other hand slides under his shirt, grips him at his waist and runs down his skin. For a moment it feels pleasant, for a moment Levi just wants to press closer. Zeke’s knee is rubbing against him now. Levi’s hips twitch without him meaning to move. It would be so easy to - so easy to just - he could just let go and pretend -

His eyes open, suddenly. Zeke’s glasses are fogged up, his cheeks red. His grip on Levi’s hair is too tight now. Why the fuck is he allowing this?

He doesn’t really realise what he has done until Zeke is pulling back with a howl, his hand flying to his mouth, his gaze on Levi wild. Levi can taste blood on his tongue, and he knows it’s not his. His chest is heaving with how deep and fast his breath is.

“I - you - stay the fuck away from me”, he pants, hands in fists. Zeke is looking at him bewildered, his hand still around his mouth.

“Stay the fuck away?”, he repeats with a crazed laugh. There is blood on his lips. “You are insane, you bit me for daring to come close when that’s what you were practically begging me to -”

“I wasn’t begging”, Levi snarls.

“You were eating out of my palm like a slut”, Zeke hisses.

“You kissed me”, Levi shouts. His lips are steaming, where Zeke’s blood still sits. He's bitten straight through the lip, Zeke is tipping his head forward so as not to stain his white uniform. He launches forward, covers Levi’s mouth.

“Shut up”, he snarls. “God have some discretion. You -” Levi pushes him off, wrenches his face away from the touch. “You are such a fucking nightmare”. Zeke steps back, laughs furiously. “I feel unendingly sorry for Erwin Smith because you are completely tapped in the head. He loves you, I think, and you still have a face like a slapped arse. I am being so, so good to you, and this is what I get”. His voice rises a little. “You can't seriously expect me to think you wanted nothing to happen”.

You look quite sultry when you're furious, Erwin had said, soft smiles and warm touches, and everything this is not. Levi is not sure what he was expecting.

“You need an actual lobotomy”, Zeke scratches both hands through his hair, despairingly. “Which was on the cards, by the way. A needle right -” He taps above his eye. “There. Might make you bearable to be around for more than five minutes. I said no, I said it might affect your strength. Which it wouldn't. So, ‘thank you, Zeke’ is something you could be saying because this -” He motions around. “Whole thing could be much fucking worse if I wasn't in your corner. And you - you thank me by biting my lip off after - yes - wanting a kiss”.

Levi blinks.

“You need to learn to take rejection better”, he says levelly. He steps forward. “Thank you, Zeke. For not letting them torture me. Thank you very much for not letting them put an ice pick through my skull. Happy?”

“Well, no. Obviously that's not -” Zeke shakes his head. “You stupid little mindfuck, now I feel bad. I feel bad. You bit me in the face and I feel bad!”, he shouts.

“Zeke”. Levi puts a finger to his lip. “Discretion”.

“Stupid little bitch”, Zeke mutters.

“That's an ugly reaction”, Levi sighs. “Was that your first kiss?”

“Oh fuck off”, Zeke wrestles for his cigarettes. “Fuck off”.

“Can I have one?”

“Absolutely not”, Zeke mutters.

He steps closer, wrenches the pack off Zeke’s hands. He is really no match for him in his human form - no one is to Levi, but Zeke is not even trained like a proper soldier. Zeke curses at him, stumbles back slightly.

“Does it please you, to do this? Is it out of spite?”, Zeke snarls, lighting his cigarette. “Pretending not to want the things you do. Do you need control like that because you have it nowhere else in your life?” He snorts. “Like all your fucking cleaning, your order, do you know how much of a nightmare it has been to live with you? You call me a freak, well, look at yourself. You are lucky they are not interested in your brain. You’d get diagnosed with I don’t know how many disorders”.

“I don’t know what that means”, Levi says, tries to keep his voice light. He hates this, though, he really does. Zeke has a way of getting under his skin. “And I didn’t ask you to be my handler. You set all of this up”.

“And you should thank me for it, as I said. Careful, Levi”, Zeke warns him, low. “I could blow this up in an instant and never let you see your Commander ever again”.

Levi’s hands are trembling at that but he tries not to let it show. Zeke is all mouth and no action, he knows. It’s just so exhausting, to deal with this, deal with him. He keeps himself strong, for Erwin. It’s easier to do this than it is to fight Titans, than it is to fight Underground. He just feels like a dog left on the street, sometimes.

“You wouldn’t”, he mutters. He finishes his cigarette, stabs it out. “Can we go, Zeke? Have we made enough of an appearance? Now that you know we won’t fuck in the toilets”.

He doesn’t stay to hear the answer. The entire day, the wine, Zeke - it’s all making his eyelids heavy and head fuzzy. Inside it’s even worse, the lights are overwhelming, everyone is talking. He wrenches himself back when someone touches his shoulder, heart pounding. Oh, it’s bad if he is not noticing people coming up behind him.

The man in front of him is old, his smile hateable and his gaze leering. Levi has run out of patience.

“So, is it true? Seven men in three minutes?”

Levi’s teeth grit. “I could show you one better -”

“Ackerman”, Zeke says, voice calm now. Stoic. “General Magath wants to talk to you”. He smiles apologetically at the man. “Another time”.

He tries to steer Levi away, hand on his shoulder. Levi shrugs him off. His head is pounding now.

“What does that fucker want -”

“We are leaving”, Zeke says, smooth. “Got the all clear. Just don’t bite me and don’t murder anyone until we get to the car. Can you do that or do you need a muzzle?”

Levi doesn’t dignify him with a response.

The ride back is silent. Levi lets his head slide against the window glass, lets his eyes close. He feels both at alert and exhausted at the same time. He wants to sleep with an eye open. He wants to kick Zeke Yaeger out of his room.

He showers the second they get in, scrubs himself until the skin is pink. Zeke has the gall to give him some knowing smile when he comes out, like he's won. He hasn't. Levi kissed him and he freaked out, it was pathetic. It was really, really telling. Zeke is a lonely creature. Levi has the power here. He takes a breath in his nose. He just suddenly feels, spinningly, out of control.

This place is so foreign, Zeke's touch, and his smell, it's all so foreign. Levi feels so exhausted, and so defenseless and god, maybe the idea Zeke is on his side is becoming an okay one.

“He writes”, Zeke says, emptily. “To you. It's not safe to give you them. But we communicate. This won't be your forever”.

“He writes to me”, Levi repeats, swallows.

“I can't risk trying to give you them”, Zeke says. “I can't risk much. I check the room, constantly, to make sure it's not tapped -” He cups his forehead. “Uhm, microphones, oh you won't even -” He laughs, like Levi is this stupid unfortunate thing. “I'm being very careful on your behalf”.

“Right”, Levi says, settles beside him on the bed. He feels awful, all of sudden, nauseous and twitchy. “Thanks?”

Zeke stares at him.

“You do this face”. He motions. “I've only ever seen it on women, where you curl your lip and you do something with your brows, drop your mouth open. It makes people feel very small, very small, Levi. It used to scare me, when I was younger, when I saw girls do it to me. But I realised, they only do it because it's easier to pretend you don’t care, and that caring at all is some - some small and stupid thing, then face just how small and stupid you are”.

Levi takes a deep breath. In his sock the scissors are still pressed against him. They tore through the skin on his ankle, soaked the cotton in blood. Zeke doesn't know a fucking thing, he thinks, about anything.

“Anyway”, Zeke breathes in. “If me and you pull this off I need you to be ready. We have a lot of confiscated parts here; pieces of your ODM gear we took. No one can put it together. Could you?”

Levi shrugs. “Yeah”.

“I took this”, Zeke goes to a wardrobe, throws him a back piece, where the wire spools in. “While on Paradis. Can you use it? If I get you the other parts”.

Levi picks it up, feels the familiar weight of it. He turns it over. He feels something in him give out.

“They have serial numbers”, he says. “Each one. I know who you took this from”.

“Oh?” Zeke pours himself some dark and smoky smelling liquor, undoes his top buttons and settles back on the bed. “A friend?”

“A good one”, Levi murmurs. “Best in the corps”.

“After you obviously”, Zeke says. “Second best? really?”

Levi nods and for a small and earnest moment allows himself to feel the loss, proper and engulfing. The way grief is for people who can afford it.

Zeke laughs, laughs this belly-aching and intense thing like Levi has told him the funniest joke in the whole world.

“Oh god”. He wipes his eyes. “I see why Erwin cultivated so much in you. The gap between first and second? Significant”.

Levi doesn’t laugh. He doesn’t even twitch. Just watches Zeke with that same flat, dry look he knows puts people on edge. The kind of look that doesn’t blink. The grief feels overwhelming, it’s easy to let it be replaced with anger, with the desire to kill this fucking beast who took so much from him.

Zeke notices, of course. His laughter quiets like the dying crackle of a fire. For a second it even looks like he might apologise. Pathetic. Of course he doesn’t.

Instead, he lifts the glass to his lips and says, with that lilt of mockery that makes Levi’s molars grind; “Mike, right? Reiner said some things. Were you all friends? He was alone when I found him. Of course he could tell I was different. I was curious, those outfits of yours. He wasn’t much of a match, I have to say. Nothing like you, he froze over, trembling like a lamb -”

Levi’s vision tunnels. He stands, slowly, careful with the motion so it doesn’t betray the sudden flash-flood inside him. The scissors in his sock dig deeper into the flesh, urging him forward.

“Don’t”, he says, and he thinks Zeke must have gotten too used to him sitting placid and still and going along with his plan, because he doesn’t flinch, doesn’t realise how much anger is simmering under Levi’s skin.

Zeke shifts on the bed, lounging, smug and flushed from the alcohol. “He made a sound when he died. Not what I expected. More like a whine than a roar. So loud, I even tried to talk to him. But he was just screaming and screaming so I -”

Levi moves before the thought finishes. His body is a thing separate from him, the motion trained and sickeningly fluid. The punch lands on Zeke’s cheekbone with a wet sound and Zeke only laughs again, blood blooming like poppies at the corner of his mouth.

“You’re so predictable”, Zeke breathes, wiping it with the back of his hand. “You know nothing else but this”.

Levi slams him again, this time knee to ribs, hand to throat. They go sprawling across the mattress, Mike’s gear clattering to the floor. Zeke’s drink spills, dark as blood on the sheets.

“I’ll fucking choke you if you speak any more. I am so tired of you, I am so -”

Zeke grins with all his teeth, sharp and terrible. “Tired? Levi, you were just waiting for this. You have been itching to hit me every day you have been here”.

He grabs Levi’s wrist, twists it hard, takes him by surprise. Levi snarls, shifts weight, digs his elbow into Zeke’s solar plexus until he chokes on his own breath.

“Fuck you”, Levi hisses. He’s on top now, knees pressing into Zeke’s hips, the metal of the scissors still searing against his skin. “You are pathetic, you are so fucking pathetic, so desperate for attention you’ll take a beating instead of a fucking or any other touch -”

“Well we kissed”, Zeke says, low, guttural. “So you know, I have experienced that too”.

Levi’s grip tightens, warning.

“He died for this”, Zeke grins. “For you to be here. Think about it. We are achieving all of it for Eldia”, he sneers. “Are you going to ruin it, Levi? All their little hopes and dreams? Because you can't control this -” He leans up, taps a finger against Levi’s chest, right over his heart.

“Shut up”, Levi snarls.

But Zeke is still talking.

“He was screaming and crying, weeping and begging. He wanted to be saved, in those final moments, he wanted to be strong and he couldn't. I wonder what it would take to get you there, Levi. Would you do it? Would you cry and beg and weep if I let them torture you here like they want to. Cut open your skull and poke around while you are still awake -”, Zeke laughs. “You going to beg like Mike did -”

The sound he makes is wretched. The type of cry he only lets out when wild in battle, blood soaked and furious. He pulls the scissors out his sock, one fluid motion Zeke is defenseless against. He makes a garbled choked sound when Levi stabs him, stabs and stabs until there is blood in the soft hairs on his arms, arterial spray across the linen sheets, across his white shirt. Zeke screams, and then stops, goes white and passes out. Levi keeps stabbing.

Already he can see it healing, can watch the wounds try to close. It's fruitless, he thinks, as his arms begin to tremble but the catharsis is worth it. He drops the scissors, eventually. Wiping the blood out his face he falls back onto his knees. Zeke is silent beside him, but his chest is rising and falling.

Levi lists forward, screams like he screamed when he lost Furlan and Isabel. Until his throat is raw and aching and he's gasping. Screams all the sour hate and aching resentment out of him.

Slowly, he stands, goes to the bathroom and washes the scissors clean, washes his hands and his arms even as the blood steams off. He looks at himself in the mirror; the exhaustion on his face, the rise and fall of his chest under his red shirt. He squeezes his eyes shut.

When he comes out again, Zeke is sat up, hand on his stomach and face wet with sweat. He flinches back at the sight of Levi. Before he laughs, weak and choked.

“Fuckssake”, he breathes. “I didn't know you had a weapon. You wasted it on me? Could have taken out Calvi, or Magath - bastard he is, do you know how many Eldians he sends to die? - and you chose me. You - you -” He puts his head in his hands. “Have just zero understanding of this whole thing, don’t you? Really stupid, Levi -” He cuts himself off, frown on his face. “Where are the scissors?” Reedy and terrified. Pathetic.

“Drying”, Levi says.

“I'm not feeling amiable anymore”, Zeke says and then points to Mike’s gear. “How important is that? Soon they will make you fight titans, they told me so. They have an attempt at ODM, do you want to risk it? Or do you want to cooperate with me?”

“You're awful”, Levi breathes. Gingerly he lies down. “You might have killed him; but Mike was three times the man you are”.

Zeke hums gently. “And your Commander I'm sure”, he sighs, scrubs both hands over his face. “More humanity in his pinky than I have ever known. And you, Levi?”

Levi grits his teeth. “I'm a beast like you, Zeke. I'm just fucking stronger”.

“Nasty whore”, Zeke mutters and yelps in pain as he tries to turn onto his side. “You stabbed me in the guts”.

“It's where it hurts the most. Where you bleed out the slowest”.

Zeke makes a noise, disgusted. “You’re a slave, Levi. A violent, virulent little slave. I only wish I'd gotten there before Smith. So you'd be one for me”.

“Fucking shut up, I am begging you to shut up”, Levi grits, pulls his knees to his chest.

To his credit, Zeke does. He turns over, kills the light.

Levi doesn't sleep. He wishes he would, his body is desperate for it. But he can only think of Mike, can only think of his stoic nature. He can only think of how close he and Erwin were; best of friends. Had they even discussed his death? They didn't have time. Unacknowledged, alone, screaming and begging. Levi shudders.

Zeke snores beside him, wounds healed, alive and well.

Levi breathes through his nose, and forces himself to think of nothing until sunrise.

-

The morning after Levi doesn’t acknowledge him and Zeke doesn’t try to speak to him. The scissors are not in the sink anymore. Levi goes through the motions: more physical tests, more medical examinations, lifting weights and pushing things and fighting, always fighting. He feels like a caged animal, his muscles screaming with overexertion every night until they tell him he will get a few days to rest. Recuperate. How kind.

He steals a knife from the kitchens but doesn’t try to stab Zeke again. The air in the room is thick with his desire to though, sour with unspoken things. Zeke moves slowly around him, like a dog that's been kicked too hard, too often. Still cocky, still annoying, but there’s a new caution to him. Like he can smell Levi’s limits more sharply now.

Levi’s stomach is sour and his head tight. He cannot sleep; sometimes when he is sure Zeke is resting he just paces the room, does the Corps’ routine stretches on the cold tile floor until his thighs tremble. Push-ups until he’s shaking. Anything to keep from thinking about Mike. Or Erwin, or anything from the past at all. He writes to you. Erwin wouldn’t do that, he wouldn’t reveal that to Zeke, which means Zeke is lying, that Levi is being baited. He spends too long in the shower every morning; anything to keep from thinking about how Zeke keeps staring at him with that awful look of desire and contempt in his eyes.

It takes around a week for the routine to break. When he enters the training grounds next with Zeke, Magath and Calvi are there again. They have not been since that first time, or at least not on the ground; they have just left other men in coats to collect data and shout orders. Fucking cowards, Levi thinks, refuses to look away from them even when Zeke salutes them in deference.

“At rest, War Chief. Captain”, Calvi says, voice pleasant. “You’ll be undergoing a trial today. Experimental assessment”.

Levi glances at Zeke for a moment, but Zeke is staring straight ahead.

“I thought I had been doing that already”.

“This time will be different”, Calvi says. “We want to observe the physical responses of your kind under... chemically-altered conditions. See what happens when your body is dulled. How much instinct remains. You understand, such things might happen on the field”.

Levi’s throat tightens. “You’re drugging me”.

Magath calls over some rat-faced doctor, a needle with some sort of liquid inside in his hand.

“We’ll have to start slow”, Calvi says, like it’s nothing. “Probably increase your dose until you are deemed incapacitated enough”.

Levi’s mouth goes dry. Incapacitated. He doesn’t think he has ever felt that. Even when he was hurt, he could always fight; even when he was outnumbered, he always had his strength.

“Zeke told us you are not used to alcohol”, Magath says. Levi looks at him, lip curled. He should have seen this petty revenge coming. “So we think this will be similar. We might not need to administer many injections at all”.

“If I may”, the doctor interjects. He looks pale and his eyes are sparkling with excitement. Levi fucking hates him. “You’ll have to let us know, Captain. When your vision starts being impaired, that’s when we should stop”.

“And what exactly are you learning from this little experiment?”, Levi asks, flat. He can feel fear crawl up his chest even as he tries to keep himself perfectly still.

Magath’s face is unredeable. “You are a soldier. Soldiers are tested”.

“What’s the test?”, Levi asks again, but he knows already, really.

“We don’t know how much of your strength will remain, and we cannot risk any other soldiers being hurt”, Magath says. “So you’ll be fighting the War Chief. Whatever happens, he’ll regenerate”.

Wouldn’t Levi know. His hands are itching with the urge to turn and punch Zeke in the face, but he tries to swallow it down. The doctor takes his arm, Levi flinches despite himself, his breath tight in his nose.

“Sorry”, the doctor says, reedy, syringe in hand. “May I?”

Let them, Levi wills himself. He thinks of Erwin, thinks of home. Let them. He tilts his forearm, exposes the vein along the crook of his elbow. He watches the liquid disappear inside him. He breathes, in and out, and shrugs.

“Nothing”, he says, short. “If this doesn’t work, do I still get to beat him incontinent?”

Zeke snorts, lip curled. Magath just tilts his head towards the doctor. The doctor gives him another shot, and another, and then has to move to his other arm to find a vein. It’s hitting him, he can feel; vertigo hitting him, nausea ripping through him. His eyelids feel heavy.

“I’m seeing double”, he tells the doctor. It’s not quite that bad yet, but it’s getting close, and complete abandon is something he’s not willing to risk. He can fake patheticness for these generals, he’s really not willing to give them the real thing.

“One more”, Zeke presses.

Levi glares at him, furious.

“I’m not fighting him if he stands a chance”, Zeke says with a shrug. “I like my limbs unbroken”.

“Eh”, the doctor begins. “With respect. I made up the first one in ratio to his weight and his -”

“He’s probably burnt through it already”, Zeke says. “He’s barely human, doctor. Give him another, for my sake”.

Magath rolls his eyes. “It’s on your head if you break him, Jaeger”.

The doctor takes his arm, and it’s only when Levi tries to wrench it back and doesn’t manage that he realises he’s miscalculated this. His muscles feel heavy, uncooperative, chemical exhaustion settling like a malaise over him. He closes his fist, unravels it, furtively. His body feels about three seconds behind his head.

Zeke takes his coat off. Levi has lived with him now for months, but he’s never quite noticed the muscle in his forearms, the wiry blonde hair, the vein on his biceps. Levi never focused on that before. He never saw Zeke as a physical threat. He swallows.

“All good?”, Zeke asks, smiles placidly.

Levi forces his eyes open.

“You’re swaying”.

He is?

“Just fight me”, Levi snarls.

Zeke throws a punch, Levi dodges. Zeke takes a step back. It’s childsplay, disorientingly without heat. The longer this goes on the more Levi feels the effects wash over him, has to shake his head to clear it.

“So the drugs work”, Magath is saying to Calvi.

“At least we have something we know can take that edge out of him with now -”

Levi’s attention is drawn back. Zeke slaps his cheek, hard, like you hit someone who's going into shock.

“Focus up, soldier”, he taunts.

Levi can feel how shallow his breath is, even if he feels outside his own body. Numb.

He goes for Zeke, even if it feels like moving through treacle. Zeke catches his fist, drags him close and punches him hard in the gut. It steals all his breath, makes his head fall against Zeke’s shoulder. His body crumpling for a moment, knees giving out.

“Oh -”, Calvi says, like a nobleman at a hunt. “Good shot, Jaeger”.

“Stand up straight”, Zeke tells him. Levi doesn’t think his eyes are even open. “That’s it”. He pushes him to stand up, holds his shoulders steady. The second he lets go, Levi’s balance goes, his legs going out from under him “Oh, no, that won’t do. Come on, stand up”.

Levi forces himself to, it feels impossible.

“If you slept at night”, Zeke says mildly. “This might not have hit you so badly. But you don’t look after yourself, Levi. So we suffer consequences”.

Levi cannot stand him, he throws another punch. Caught, again, this time Zeke spins his arm, pulls it up his back. It sends a sharp spike of pain straight through his shoulder. His jaw clenches shut, his eyes wide. He has to force himself not to cry out. Zeke’s spare arm wraps around his neck, chokes him in the crook of his elbow.

“Has anyone ever seen you like this?”, Zeke whispers against his ear, only for them to hear. “I won’t tell Erwin if you don’t. It can be our secret”.

Levi struggles, but it’s hopeless. He’s been spiked before, Underground, but it was never, ever like this. He tries to pull in breath, but Zeke’s arm is closed tight on his windpipe.

Zeke holds him there, gentle, almost, in the crook of his elbow, like he is comforting a child. Levi scrabbles at his arms, nails scraping. It’s useless. His muscles don’t obey him. They are sluggish, distant, like he is commanding someone else’s body.

“Oh, he is panicking now”, Zeke almost coos, loud for their onlookers. “I can feel his little heart racing. He has never been handled like this before, has he?”

Magath’s voice is expressionless. “Not under controlled conditions, I’d wager”.

Calvi hums. “He was probably too precious to their army, wasn’t he? We should go back to the lab after this, doctor. Get a few more readings. I’d be fascinated to see how low his oxygen levels can get, really”.

“I don’t know if that’s safe -”

“Go get your instruments now, then”, Calvi interrupts, impatient. “What are you here for? Him being unconscious should be the perfect time to study him, shouldn’t it?”

Levi snarls at that, or tries to. The idea of being poked and prodded while he is passed out has his stomach rolling, fear spiking through his spine. But the sound only comes out as a choked, wet gasp.

Zeke tightens his hold, just slightly. Just enough to make the world narrow to a pinpoint.

“You are too used to being the predator, Levi”, he murmurs, which is fucking hilarious, really, because Levi has spent half his life running from the police, and the other half from titans. “You think people can’t touch you. That you are untouchable. But look at you now. You are small enough to hold in one arm. I could do anything to you, and you wouldn’t be able to bite back this time”.

Levi’s vision is blotchy. He can’t get enough air. He is vaguely aware he is trembling.

“And it’s funny”, Zeke continues, almost conversational. “I thought you’d be more dignified. But you are squirming, Levi. Twitching like a little rat”.

“Don’t kill him, Yaeger”, Magath calls. An order. It doesn’t make Levi any more calm.

Zeke grins. “It’s a blood choke. He’ll black out before he suffocates”.

He shifts his grip slightly, lets Levi fall back into him, snug against his chest. Levi can’t even hold his head up anymore. His toes are barely scratching the ground until he cannot even manage that, limbs going limp and vision blacking out. He makes a broken sound in his throat. He doesn’t mean to. It just slips out.

“Oh”, Zeke purrs. “That was precious. What was that, Levi? A whimper? I have never heard that from you”. He leans down, lips brushing Levi’s ear. “Oh, I’ll have fun reporting this to your Commander, that’s for sure. He broke down fast, I’ll tell him. How do you think he’ll take it? I bet he thought you could never be defeated”.

Levi’s eyes roll. He can’t feel his fingers anymore. Zeke’s grip eases, just enough for Levi to gasp in a ragged breath. It doesn’t help, not really. His lungs are burning. His ribs feel cracked from the inside. He tries to swing an elbow, but his limbs betray him. Useless.

Zeke chuckles low in his throat. “Shh, Levi. Don’t fight it. You are almost there”.

He’s right, there isn’t a point. Between the drugs and the pressure at his throat, Levi knows he has precious seconds left awake. The panic in him has risen to a crescendo, pounding in his ears, drawing all his focus. Zeke had to pump him full of sedatives to get him like this, he reminds himself. And Levi is just a man, as much as everyone likes to ignore that. He is just human. He doesn’t know how to convince them all of that. Something claws at his chest, this child-like urge to cry that it’s not fair. It’s not fair. Nothing is. He lets instinct take him over, animal-like.

Levi uses all his strength to pivot his weight down. It throws Zeke off, sends him into the dirt but it sends Levi there too.

“No you don’t -” Zeke snarls, grabs onto the cotton of his shirt before Levi can even catch his bearings. It sends a dust cloud up when he straddles Levi’s waist, forces him into the dirt on his back. The weight is already too much, even fighting fit, he is just too small to allow himself to be pinned like this. Zeke’s hands wrap around his throat in earnest. It’s not a choke-out, not some well-taught military technique, Levi thinks, it’s much more feral. “You know. I’m sure you are thinking; but I have always obeyed, and you have. But there is this look in your eye, Levi, that makes men want to break you. You could obey every command, and still they would do this to you, till that spark in your eye is gone”.

And Zeke sounds a little breathless now. Levi’s body twitches, once, from lack of oxygen but the fight in him is gone.

“Careful”, the doctor says, frightful. “Please - his lips –”

“He’s very strong”, Zeke says, but his voice is muffled now, blissfully. Levi’s hands are limp by the side of his head, he couldn’t move them if he wanted to. “You can handle it, can’t you Levi?”

Can he? Fuck it, who knows. If he dies, he thinks, it would be well timed and Zeke would get the bollocking of a lifetime. His vision is black, and his ears are ringing. He thinks he hears his voice, once, soft in his ear but he couldn’t be sure. He wonders what Zeke would tell Erwin, if he’d tell him anything at all, and then everything goes dark.

-

He wakes, dry mouthed and sluggish, in bed. The sun is setting now, it casts the whole room in a vivid orange-red. It was the morning a second ago. So the drugs work, clearly. Moving feels like a task he’s not up for.

“You’re alive then”.

Levi closes his eyes, turns his head. Zeke is beside him, sat in a chair with a book in his hand, a cigarette in the other.

“You’re a spiteful fucking prick –”

“You’re slurring, Levi”, he says and offers him a glass of water. “I can’t understand you”.

Levi forces himself up the pillow a little, and doesn’t quite have the fine motor skills to hold a glass. Zeke smiles, far too pleased, and tilts it into his mouth for him, letting it run rivulets down his shirt, under his top.

Zeke’s fingers linger a moment too long on Levi’s jaw, wiping water from his chin like it’s tender. Like it’s intimate. Levi flinches, sharp and involuntary, his lips curling in a snarl. Zeke smiles like he’s been kissed.

“There he is”, Zeke says, low. “Back from the dead. You sleep like a baby, Levi. Well, when you allow yourself - I guess we kind of forced it, didn’t we? All soft little noises and twitchy fingers. You should have probably rested more. Of course you woke up earlier than expected”.

Levi narrows his eyes, forces his tongue to work. “Were you here the whole time, you fucking creep?”, he croaks.

“Mhh, most of it”, Zeke says brightly. “Got a scolding first, you know, I wasn’t exactly gentle at the end but you deserved it. Then they let me come back here. You’ve been out for hours”. He leans in close, still holding the glass, and his voice dips. “You looked beautiful. You know that? All flushed and helpless. I see why Erwin kept you close. Though I doubt he ever got the view I just had. Have you ever been defeated like that?”

Levi tries to raise a hand to shove him away but his arm gives out halfway. It slaps the bed weakly instead. Zeke doesn’t move.

“Easy”, he soothes, like Levi’s a skittish horse. “I don’t think you have. Is that right?”

Levi’s head thuds back against the pillow. His breath rattles. “I never let anyone sedate me like that, no”, he mutters. “Fucking coward. You knew”.

Zeke laughs, delighted. “That’s good. You’ve still got that sharp little tongue. And yeah, I knew. Can you blame me? You bit me and then stabbed me in our rooms. Gotta take revenge where I can. You are too strong for anything else”.

Levi stares at him. “Did you suggest this?”

Zeke doesn’t answer, just leans forward, strokes a thumb across Levi’s cheekbone. Levi jerks again, as much as he can. His body’s still molasses-heavy.

“That doesn’t matter”, Zeke murmurs, like they’re in on something together. “I could have kept going. I could have told them to drug you more. Could have told them to put it in your food. But I didn’t. And now it’s done, isn’t it? We don’t have to do it again. If you are good”.

Levi’s breath hitches. His head is pounding. He squeezes his eyes shut. His whole body feels like it’s struggling to get into fight or flight against the drugs.

“Oh, don’t worry”, Zeke says quickly, mock-innocent. “I am just teasing”.

He leans back, takes another drag of his cigarette, exhales a long stream through his nose.

“You’re lucky I like you”, he adds. “You’re lucky Erwin likes you. I think about that sometimes, you know. What he sees in you. Clearly we don’t see the same thing. You’re rude, and you are all jagged edges and bad attitude”. He looks Levi over, slow and measured. “But I think I understand a bit better now. You are quite likeable when you are vulnerable. Are you vulnerable with him?”

Levi closes his eyes. His hands curl in the sheets. “Don’t talk about him”.

“Why not?” Zeke tips his head. “Isn’t this exactly what he’d want? You, resting. You, looked after. He’d probably pat my head if he were here”.

He really wouldn't. Levi smiles, it falls across his face, almost deliriously. He drops his head back against the pillow, hair over his face.

“You don't know a goddamn thing about him”.

“I don't”, Zeke agrees. “But I'm coming to know you”.

“Drugged and beaten?”, Levi murmurs. “Is that how you want to know me?” He clicks his tongue, breathing feels like an effort. “Don't answer that. You've shown me. I fuck like I fight so, I don't fuck well while I'm out my mind. You wouldn't be the first to try”, he snarls.

“I wouldn't fuck you sedated”, Zeke snarls, horrified. It makes Levi snort.

“Mmh”, Levi blinks. “You're a real gentleman”.

Zeke doesn't say anything else on it, his brows are set together, he's staring at Levi.

“I've upset you”, he says, breathes in. “I'm sorry”.

“Fuck off”, Levi mutters, drops his arms over his head, hides his eyes in the crook of his elbow. He loathes the word upset, it makes him think of being back Underground, of his mother's blurry face, of crying silently so Kenny wouldn't beat him stupid. Upset. Levi is not upset.

“I think Erwin likes a challenge”, Zeke muses, like a hypothesis. “A truth to be uncovered, a conspiracy to break down. You are your own little mystery. I see what he liked”.

“Maybe he just loves me”, Levi snaps. “Consider that?”

“Not for a moment”, Zeke smiles.

He clears his throat again, and sits up. Puts the cigarettes on Levi's bed.

“Put one in my mouth”, Levi mutters. Zeke obliges, lights it up for him.

“I made you tea”, Zeke says, meeker. “If you want it”.

Oh god. Is he back to acting like Levi’s sweetheart? He can’t fucking stand it.

“Is that your way of making up for all this bullshit?”, he asks. Zeke almost looks offended.

“I wish you’d see I am on your side”, he says, gets up to get cups and a teapot from a little table in the corner of the room. He pours some tea for both of them, brings a cup to Levi’s lips again.

Levi drinks, if only because his throat is parched. Zeke’s gaze is dark on him, observing.

“This is shit”, Levi croaks. Something like disappointment flashes across Zeke’s eyes.

“Yeah, well. I am not the expert. And you were down for a while”.

The thought of Zeke being in the room and making Levi tea while he was passed out makes him shiver unpleasantly. He doesn’t think he has ever been asleep while Zeke was awake, through all the weeks he has spent here. He doesn’t want to know what Zeke was seeing while Levi was blue and pale from the choking. He runs a finger across his neck, hisses slightly at the touch.

“I am bruised”, he gets out, more of a statement than anything else. Zeke at least has the decency to look away.

“As I said”, he says. “I got a scolding”.

“These won’t heal like yours do”, Levi tells him. “You’ll see the marks for days”.

Zeke doesn’t pretend to look upset, at least. “They might let you off doing more tests”.

“Don’t ask like this was all for my benefit”, Levi snorts. He lifts his hand, takes the tea himself this time. His strength is trickling back into him, slowly. God, he hates this. “It’s embarrassing, Zeke”.

Zeke pulls a cream from the side table, nods like Levi just doesn’t get it. He thinks about telling Erwin about this, and can’t quite imagine his response. He thinks of the look in his eyes when he left Levi here, the way he cupped his cheek one final time before they said goodbye.

“I don’t think we tell Erwin about this”, he says slowly.

“Oh?”

“I think it would be a shame”, Levi swallows. “For me to go to all this trouble for your plan, only for him to kill you before you get a chance to complete it”.

Zeke snorts, an unsettled thing, and blinks a few times. “Whatever you feel Levi”

Zeke moves forward, cream on his fingers, and tries to put it to Levi’s neck.

“No more drugs”, Levi snarls, tries to catch his wrist and misses.

“It’s just arnica”, Zeke says, with a gormless fucking smile behind his lenses. “You have that back home”.

Levi narrows his eyes.

“I am not lying”, Zeke promises. “When have I lied to you so far?”

He considers it, and, after a moment, bares his throat. Zeke’s fingers are warm still, always warm, and only press with clinical care. It’s impersonal enough of a touch that Levi sinks into it.

“I like looking after you”, Zeke murmurs while he works, like he thinks Levi can’t hear. Levi twitches his fingers, feels the move in time with his body. “I wish you’d let me, more often. You are beautiful, Levi, truly. I suppose you have no reason to trust me though, in your eyes. Did Erwin touch you like this, at first? Before you allowed him more? Would you -”

Levi catches his fingers, twists. They snap cathartically.

Zeke howls.

“The drugs are wearing off”, he tells him.

“Excellent”, Zeke snarls, holds his fingers to chest.

“Thank you for the tea”, Levi says. “And the cream”.

He gets up. His clothes have changed, he’s barefoot now, he ignores how awful the idea they had him naked is. Zeke grabs his shoulders, slams him against the wall. It sends a shock of fright through him, unsettling. Zeke’s cheeks are flushed, his eyes dark.

“Ow”, Levi says, levelly.

“I wish you would listen to me”, Zeke says, almost feverish.

“I do listen”, Levi promises. “You think I’m beautiful but only when I’m weak. You’re not the first to say. Men are, in general, greedy and odious about the things they want for themselves -”

“I’m not like other men”, Zeke says and strokes down Levi’s arms like he didn’t just slam him here. “I am nothing like anyone you have ever met. I’ve taken you places here you’d never dream off. I’ve - I’ve shown you more, in the few months here, then your Commander has shown you over years –”

Levi pushes him off. Zeke clatters to the floor. He feels, for a moment, almost euphoric when that heady crackle of power comes through him again.

Zeke’s still on the floor when he looks up, wrist pressed tight against his chest like it aches. Levi watches him, breath still ragged from the surge of adrenaline, the crash of it now turning slow and syrupy in his veins. He closes his fist once, twice, just to check he is able to do that again.

“Well, you’ve still got fire”, Zeke says, voice hoarse but gleeful. “They’ll be thrilled”.

Levi stares him down, chest heaving. “That you didn’t break me? Oh, Zeke, it’d take a lot more than that”.

Zeke shrugs with his good shoulder, starts to push himself upright. “I am sure. Don’t worry, they’ll keep trying to find out just how much”. He grins, blood on his lip where Levi must’ve caught him. “But tell me, Levi, how did it feel? The second before you blacked out? All that strength draining out of you?” He watches him, head tilted, like he is studying some odd creature. “Have you ever even felt that before?”

Levi doesn’t answer. He just flexes his fingers again, catching the faint tremble still left in them. Zeke clocks it. Of course he does.

“You were perfect”, Zeke says, almost gently. “Do you know what you look like, without that look in your eyes? I think it’d be easier for you, really. Don’t you think? If they thought you were - domesticated. And it’d save you so much worry, so much anxiety, if you’d just did that for me, if you just -”

Levi steps closer, watches Zeke cower back. Good. He pushes him, back hitting the wall again. Even with his strength not fully back, even with their height difference, he can keep him pinned easily. He grabs his collar, slams him again hard enough into the wall that Zeke’s breath leaves him in a quiet, startled grunt.

“Do you think I want to hear your stupid little fantasies?”, he snarls.

“They are not fantasies, Levi”. Zeke’s eyes are huge, almost pleading. “We could try that, we could -”

“I said shut up”.

Levi’s voice almost breaks over the words. He is so tired of this. His hands won’t stop shaking. He doesn’t know if it’s rage or what’s left of the drugs or some awful mix of both, but he feels like a wire drawn too tight. Like one more word might snap him clean in two.

But Zeke doesn’t stop. Of course he doesn’t. He leans in like he wants to be close to the heat, like he can’t help it.

“You liked it”, Zeke whispers, drunk on his delusions. “Didn’t you? The way I touched you after. The way you let me. You are all violence but I think it suits you, really, to be docile, to be taken care of. I would”.

Levi stares, speechless. His mouth works, and no words come out. He doesn’t even know what his eyes are doing, but he thinks he must look as desperate as Zeke does now.

“You are actually batshit”, he breathes. “You’re fucking insane. Get this through your fucking skull; I can hardly stand you, I can hardly stand to look at you, to be around you. Loathing doesn’t come close to describing it. You are fucking crazy”.

Zeke shakes his head. “No, I am not. I just see it. I see what you have decided not to be, at your own risk, at your detriment. You liked it when I kissed you too, I felt it in your breath, I felt the way you almost let yourself have it, enjoy it. You have to feel this - this - thing between us. Maybe I am mad, if I am, it’s your fault!”

They stare at each other, breathing the same air. Too close. Levi should step back. He feels like he’s running a fever, like the world is melting around him. He hates it. He wants to sweat it out, rid himself of the poison in his blood, of Zeke’s words and his stupid possessive affection.

He grabs Zeke’s shirt, drags him down to meet.

It’s a terrible kiss. Their teeth clink, painful, but Levi doesn’t mind it. If this felt good, he decides, there would be something seriously, seriously wrong with him. He’ll burn through this, all these feelings, he’ll make Zeke regret wanting it. He’ll -

Zeke cups his cheeks, strokes under his eye, and kisses him back. Levi’s lips open.

It’s instinct more than desire. A lean into motion, into something physical and real to cling to after all that violence, all that cold nothingness. Zeke’s mouth tastes smoke and blood. Nothing aligns, really, it’s awkward. Zeke is too eager, Levi too forceful. Levi pushes forward anyway.

He wants to feel something that isn’t drug haze, isn’t medical gloves, isn’t the ache of being manhandled for observation or strain his muscles against whatever task they have made up for him next. He wants to feel his body again, raw and wrong and alive. This is the worst way to do it, logically he knows, but what are his options here? Maybe stabbing Zeke again, making him pay for all of this, but Levi is so, so tired of fighting.

Zeke moans into his mouth like he thinks he’s winning something. Levi fists his shirt tighter.

Zeke’s hands slide to his waist, reverent like he’s still in the middle of some hallucinated fantasy, like this means something. His fingers press into Levi’s skin like he’s trying to memorize every sharp dip and edge, like he wants to keep him. That’s the worst part really, how gentle he is trying to make this. Like Levi is his to keep, his to care for. Levi snarls against his lips, jerks his hips forward just to ruin it. He hears Zeke’s breath hitch, like he can’t believe it’s happening. It makes Levi's stomach turn. He wants to claw his own skin off.

Instead he lets Zeke spin them around, lets him fumble them backwards toward the bed Levi just woke in. Every step feels like a dare to himself, if he is honest. How far can he push this? How far does he have to let Zeke go to feel like he is something human again? His touch is hateable but it’s touch, it leaves goosebumps on his skin like he is some virgin, like he has never been fucked before. God, it’s bad, he thinks, and feels shame and anger run down his spine.

“I knew you wanted this”, Zeke murmurs, half-reverently, as he crawls over Levi on the bed. Levi lets him do, even spreads his fucking legs for him. He is sure Zeke feels like this is what he has always been entitled to.

“Stop talking”, he mutters, drags Zeke down again for another kiss. The angle feels all wrong again, Zeke won’t let him direct the kiss at all. His hand cups his cheek, strokes the skin under his eye as he tries to slow Levi’s pace down. Zeke’s thigh presses against him, his smile feels satisfied against Levi’s lips. He groans, despite himself, hips seeking friction.

“You’re aching for it”, he grins. “How long has it been since you allowed yourself this?”

“I’m hardly able to sleep next to you”, Levi snarls, bites Zeke’s lip for good measure. “You think I’m fucking my fist in the shower?”

“Wow”, Zeke mocks. “All these months, and all that pain and no reprieve. Did you want a reward?”

Levi ignores him. Lets him pull his shirt off him, scramble at the soft material of the trousers they’ve put him in until Levi is naked. Zeke’s fingers bracket his ribs, his waist, drag over all the skin he can find. Levi puts a hand to his face, bites back any sort of noise.

“Ah”, Zeke drags breath in his teeth. “Did you want it to be him again? That’s romantic, Levi, really. That’s something from a novel. Holding out, all tortured and alone, for the man who left you here. Do you think about him taking you, and telling you how good you have been, promising you it’s over –”

Something white hot rattles through him at the words. Levi grabs Zeke’s face, squeezes his cheeks hard. “Enough”.

“Why?”, Zeke asks, bitter. “You’ll be thinking about him anyway”.

Levi breathes in. “Low standards, huh? You don’t get much action either”.

Zeke brings his lips to Levi’s neck. Levi threads fingers through his hair, just to make sure he can wrench him back if needed. But Zeke just presses his tongue to the bruises he left, soothes the skin. It makes Levi’s eyes fall closed, his breath tighten.

“Not with you scowling in my bed”.

Zeke starts on his own shirt, begins to unbutton it. Levi cannot bear the idea of their skin pressing together.

“Keep your clothes on”.

Zeke gives him a look, and then continues. “I want to feel your heart race against mine”.

Oh fucking hell. Levi wants to crawl out his skin.

He’s pressing these whispers of kisses down Levi’s side. There is something sick and twisted in Levi that just wishes Zeke would choke him again. He tugs his hair hard. Zeke twists away.

“Ow”, he snarls. “That hurt”.

“Do something about it then”, Levi hisses.

Zeke takes both his wrists in one of his hands, and presses them above Levi’s head. Levi lets him. He wants to fight, wants to bite Zeke’s shoulder and be fucked so hard and so raw it feels worlds away from love and comfort.

“Sometimes I look at you”, Zeke says, brows knit in something like confusion. “And want to break every bone in your body. And other times, I so desperately want you to like me”.

“That’s ‘cos you’re pathetic”, Levi says evenly. Zeke’s gaze goes dark, he licks his lips.

“Open your mouth”, he instructs.

Levi does.

Zeke spits down his throat.

Levi punches him in the jaw.

They roll over, Levi on top, Zeke underneath him. Their lips meet again. His hands tug through Zeke’s hair, Zeke’s bracket his waist. Zeke laps into his mouth, must taste himself there. Levi kisses him until his lips ache, until his jaw hurts. Zeke chuckles into his mouth, delighted. There is no pleasure here, but there is desire, such violent desire. Levi feels consumed by it. Maybe he will lose himself here, in the mire of Zeke’s attraction towards him, in the horror of it all, like drowning in mud. He feels filthy.

“Grind your little hips -”, Zeke grins.

“Fuck off”, Levi snarls. “Seriously. Have you actually done this before? You’re fucking repulsive”.

Zeke gapes. “Have you? Love is a sacred thing, Levi”.

“I don’t love you”.

Zeke smiles, slow and infuriating. “But you are mine, still. At least for now”.

Levi laughs. He can’t help it. A short, joyless sound that bursts from his throat. “You’re so far gone, it’s fucking embarrassing”.

Zeke shifts beneath him, his cock presses up against him. It makes Levi’s stomach twist, if he is honest. He could end this, right now. He could elbow Zeke in the throat and drag himself out of bed, leave him panting and aching. But his body is thrumming with adrenaline; it’s traitorous like that, going in overdrive when it wouldn’t move before. His thighs are still spread, his chest heaving. Zeke runs his hands up his ribs like he’s worshipping something.

“You’re just touch-starved, really”, Zeke says, voice thick with amusement. “It’s not your fault. You’ve been left too long, like a dog. And now you’re crawling towards the first warmth you can find”.

“You don’t know what being starved means”, Levi snaps.

“Mhh, maybe”, Zeke murmurs, lifts his hips to roll against where Levi is hard and aching. “But you have your tells”. He lifts himself to kiss along Levi’s jaw again, dragging his mouth to the corner of his lips. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone how bad you wanted it”.

It would be insulting if the words weren’t so fucking pathetic, if Zeke wasn’t touching him as if this was their fucking wedding night. Levi pushes down against him, sneaks a hand between them to grab his cock through his trousers, too hard and too harsh.

“How long have you been hard for? Did it get you off watching me sleep?”

Zeke’s fingers press harder into his skin, his grip tightening as though he’s trying to claim him. “You can never just back down”, he mutters, his voice dark and rough. “I think that’s why I want you so badly”.

Well, he is getting him now, Levi guesses, hatred and anger rushing through him. He rolls his palm against Zeke’s hard cock, watches his eyes roll back from the simplest of touches. It’s kind of sad, really. He grinds against him harder, so hard it must be painful and still Zeke doesn’t pull away, only pants against him louder.

“Fuck, let me get it out at least -”, he mutters. Sure, Levi will give him that. He slaps Zeke’s hand away from where it’s fumbling with his belt, undoes it for him instead. When Levi puts his hand around cock his eyes go dark, his lips drop open. “God, Levi. You can be good when you want to, mhh?”

Levi tries to tune him out. He can make this fast, he can make this quick. Zeke is leaking so much already. He lets saliva pool in his mouth, spits it out onto Zeke’s cock and watches how he throbs in his hand.

“Animal”, Zeke pants.

“Thought you liked that”, Levi snarls. He tries to reach behind himself but Zeke grabs his wrist, stops him.

“Let me”, he says. Levi shakes his head. His hair is plastered with sweat now, fringe into his eyes.

“Fuck no -”

Zeke jerks under him, rolls them over again, grabs Levi’s jaw. “I said let me”, he snarls again, pushes his fingers into Levi’s mouth and even howls in surprise when Levi just bites them. “Motherfucker -”

“It’s not happening, Zeke”, Levi tells him, flat. “Aren’t you just happy to get your dick wet?”

Zeke looks like he is actually hurt. His glasses are skewed across his face and his cheeks are flushed. He slides a hand down Levi’s leg, thumbs at the inside of his thigh, caressing more than gripping.

“Please. I’ll make you feel good, come on, just let me -”

“I said no”, Levi snaps. Zeke flinches a little, his lips turned down. For someone that claims to own him, he is at least listening to what Levi is saying - that, or he is just scared his fingers will get broken again. Levi sighs, rubs a hand over his face. “You can suck me off, I guess”.

Zeke's eyes light up. It's mildly endearing in a pathetic sort of way. Levi fingers himself open, doesn't take his time, barely lets it feel good. He really, really, doesn't want this to feel anything past perfunctory. He puts on no show, just spreads his legs and fucks three fingers into himself.

“Your fingers are so little, though -”, Zeke is saying. “And mine are -”

“Oh fuck off”, Levi snaps, vicious. Zeke’s mouth snaps shut.

“Sorry”, he swallows.

Levi shuffles, lets Zeke settle between his thighs. He takes off his glasses, puts them on the sheets beside them. He takes Levi down his throat, sucks him deep. Levi grimaces, the scratch of his beard on the skin inside his thighs makes him feel nauseous. Zeke is moaning around his cock, like this is some privilege. Levi covers his face, keeps his jaw tight shut. He's hard, which is shocking to him, actually, because this is so bad. It's testament to how long it's been. He should have held out, should have let this be Erwin on clean sheets back home, with a firm grip on his thighs and a gentle sigh of his name like it's something precious -

“You’re moaning”, Zeke says, laps at his cock. “What are you thinking about?”

Levi’s eyes open.

“None of your business”, he snaps. “Okay. Enough -” Zeke takes him back in his mouth, Levi’s head tips back. The scratch between his thighs is suddenly just too much. “Enough. You can fuck me”.

“Oh I can, can I”. Zeke’s brows lift a little. “Very kind”. He leans over Levi, their eyes meeting. Levi turns over. Zeke catches his shoulder. “I want to see your face”.

“Fine”, Levi breathes. What damage can it do?

He can let Zeke fuck him on his back, legs around his waist. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s just sex. Levi is good at it, like fighting. It’s brutish too, in its own way, it’s just its own type of power. Zeke is slicking up his cock, Levi can feel the hot, persistent feel of it against his thigh. It makes his stomach turn, not entirely out of revulsion.

When he pushes in it hurts. It’s been too long, and Zeke is not gentle. He bottoms out with a gasp and moan, drags Levi’s legs close and holds him by the waist. Levi grits his teeth, his hand shoots out, digs into the muscle on Zeke’s forearm.

“God”, Zeke breathes, eyes squeezed shut. “You feel incredible -” He begins to move with these shallow little thrusts that still steal Levi’s breath. “You like it, don’t you? Tell me -”

“I like it”, Levi grits out, so Zeke stops fucking talking. “I like it - fuck -”

Zeke speeds up, drags him up and down his cock. Levi meets his thrusts, even if this feels anything but good, even if it’s painful and not pleasurable at all. He just can’t let Zeke fuck him into the mattress, can’t lay there and just take it. The ache in his muscles feels better than the fucking, if he is honest, so he might as well take that. Zeke hides his face into his neck, mouths against his shoulder.

“Oh you are perfect”, Zeke gasps, his grip tight on his waist. “You are so perfect -”

He doesn’t want to hear those words from Zeke’s mouth. They feel hateable, nothing like the sweet nothings Erwin would murmur into his ear sometimes, words that would make Levi shiver and believe whatever he was saying, if even just for a moment. Under Zeke he doesn’t feel perfect at all. He feels dirty, he feels mean, but at least he feels fucking human.

He grabs Zeke’s hair, pulls him up so they are face to face again.

“Kiss me”, he breathes, just to shut him up. It’s better to just feel.

Zeke doesn’t hesitate. He kisses him like it means something, like Levi asked because he wanted closeness and not just silence. Levi lets it happen. He opens his mouth for him and lets Zeke kiss him deep and slow like he wanted to do earlier. Whatever. Zeke’s hips slow down to something deeper, less tortuous. Levi’s eyes flutter shut at it, at the sensation. With his eyes closed it’s easier to let it take over, to let the heat of the kiss spread over him, tongue and teeth, the warmth of two mouths pressed together, the feeling of hands on his skin. Zeke kisses him for long, so long that the sharp edges of the day soften, almost, the ache in his hips, the raw burn in his throat. Levi arches up against him, involuntary, their chests brushing. Zeke’s shirt feels nice against his skin, soft. Too soft, too nice. It’s when Zeke groans into his mouth that Levi realises his cheeks are wet with tears.

Is this all it takes to make him forget it all?

He wants to move but he doesn’t want Zeke to see. He blinks his eyes once, twice. His vision is swimming but he wants his tears to stop. There is nothing nice about this, nothing soft; there shouldn’t be. Zeke’s cock still feels too big inside him, too dry, his thrusts are too shallow. Zeke pulls back slightly, sighs against his lips.

“This is all I wanted”, he whispers, and Levi would laugh if it wasn’t so horribly pathetic, if he didn’t feel so horribly pathetic for wanting a soft touch like this too.

He chokes on a sob, turns his head and presses his temple hard into the pillow, teeth grit. Zeke’s mouth is back at his neck, against the bruises he left earlier. Levi wishes he’d just fucking bite.

He doesn’t though, he just strokes through his hair and kisses the bruises he made. His tongue presses into the divot of his collarbone, trails back up to the skin under his ear. Levi tilts his head, his breath deepening. Zeke chuckles, the sound reverberates against Levi’s jaw. It’s not some condescending half-laugh, the one Levi has come to know. It’s warm and intimate, horribly gentle.

“Sensitive?”, he asks, and his lips trail the shell of Levi’s ear.

“Yeah”, Levi breathes. He is. He’s sensitive in all the places violence just can’t reach; the skin under his jaw, the soft shell of his ear, the inside of his thighs. Maybe he likes it, enjoys that there are these places on him that are not scar-numb or overworked muscle. He likes the way the air tickles the skin of his undercut, he enjoys the sensation. He likes what Zeke is doing now.

Zeke pushes into him deeper, fucks him hard enough that Levi’s body is folded. He lets it happen, lets the sweat build between them, tugs his hands into Zeke’s hair. He sniffs in, wetly. Zeke pulls back, cups his cheek, his eyes flicker over Levi’s face, take in his tears and his flush.

“I’ll look after you”, he murmurs, right against Levi’s lips. “It’s just you and me, here. Okay? I was - I - I am sorry, alright? You are so perfect, Levi. Anyone would want to see you wide open, defenseless”.

Does he think Levi is crying at his treatment? At his time here? God, Levi wishes. He makes a guttural noise when Zeke takes his cock in hand, works him as he fucks him. He’s getting faster, uncoordinated inside him. Levi lets his body rock against the headboard. He knows he’s practically doll-limp. He can’t focus on the sex, can’t focus on his thoughts either. It’s not like that heady, bliss Erwin could give him. It’s this inferno in him, too hot and too much, horror and escapism. It’s like those awful fucking cigarettes, it’s like drinking too much, it’s all the horrible addictive tendencies Levi has avoided his entire life, because they lead you to ruin. Lead right here, as your stomach coils in hate, and your body gives into things it shouldn’t even want.

Zeke’s hand is warm, too warm. Erwin’s touch never felt as searing, as scorching, not in this way that makes Levi feel like he is suffocating. He gasps for air but cannot quite get it, his throat feels too tight. Zeke probably mistakes the sound for a moan because he starts jerking him faster, tighter. His thrusts have lost all rhythm, the drag of his cock inside him too shallow. Their sound of their bodies coming together wet and loud is making Levi’s stomach turn and yet he can feel his stomach muscles clenching too when Zeke swipes his thumb over the head of his cock, fucks into him harder. He tries to shift slightly, angle his hips better.

“That’s it”, Zeke is murmuring, “that’s it, Levi, you are right there -”

He is, he can recognise it even through the fog of his brain. Zeke’s lips drag softly under his jaw, the touch too tender for whatever this is. Levi’s eyelashes flutter shut, his lips dropping open. He can feel himself start coming when Zeke moans, breathless;

“Oh, sweetheart, you are so -”

It shocks the orgasm out of him, eyes wide open and teeth gritted. His hand shoots out before he can even realise what he is doing, even as he feels himself tightening around Zeke, even as he feels the way Zeke shudders at the sensation, as he feels his cock spurting got inside him while he slaps Zeke with so much strength he can immediately see blood coming out of his mouth.

“Fuck”, Zeke groans, half-delirious, “oh, fuck -”

His grip on Levi’s waist tightens, too painful now. He is still coming inside him and Levi just wants him off, wants him as far away from him as he possibly can. He tries to push him away but Zeke snarls, grabs his wrists and pins them above his head.

“Don’t you dare, you little slut”.

His cock is still hot and pulsing. Levi squeezes his eyes shut against the sensation. It steals a groan from him, this horrified and weak noise. Zeke trembles above him, presses the bones on his wrists until it hurts.

The heat leaves him all at once. Zeke pulls out, rolls away and puts his hands up in something like mock surrender. Levi doesn’t move. He can feel the come on thighs, cold suddenly after being so warm. They lie, separate and panting.

Zeke laughs, an incredulous bark. “You slapped me. Of course you did. And you spread like a whore”.

Levi can’t bare to sit still, to share space. He feels brutally lucid all of a sudden. He pulls on his shirt, takes the teapot Zeke had and begins to make himself more. The urn is still full of hot water. There is fresh tea. There is tea and coffee everywhere here, for every occasion; breakfast, lunch and dinner.

“Did he call you sweetheart?”, Zeke asks mildly. He’s lying under the covers, letting them pool at his waist, arm behind his head and cigarette lit in hand. Levi ignores him completely. “Oh he did. Did you let him? I seriously struggle to imagine you sweet for anything”.

“You lack imagination, then”.

Levi breathes into himself, pulls all these scattered parts together. The sex has helped, unfortunately. He feels entirely rid of whatever was thrumming like a poison through his veins. He pours two cups, settles back on the bed. He hands Zeke one. Zeke whose looking awfully fucking sated, and horribly self-satisfied.

“You’d make such an excellent housewife, Levi”, he smiles.

“War is wasted on me, I know”, he mutters in return. He puts a hand out, quirks two fingers. He doesn’t even need to say what he wants anymore. Zeke just hands him a cigarette, lights him up as he takes the tea.

“I am tired of fighting you”, Zeke murmurs, and his eyes are horribly earnest. Levi swallows.

Yeah. He is tired too.

“You wanna fuck for the remaining time we are forced to live together?” Levi doesn’t quite get the revulsion out his voice.

Zeke shrugs. “I want things to be nice. I want you to be good. If you are, this could be pleasant, could it not?”

Maybe Levi plays the game. Maybe he kisses Zeke while they lie side by side and in return Zeke negotiates less torture. Maybe that’s his best bet. Playing the game, playing Zeke’s affections. For some reason it makes him feel cold.

“Fuck off”, Levi murmurs, exhausted again. He wonders how many times Zeke can bring him to this state; so fucking done with it all, before Levi just nods along with his stupid fucking delusions.

Zeke just drinks the tea, eyebrows raising. “You are good at this”.

“Yeah”, Levi agrees. The more time passes the more his skin is crawling with the need for a shower. Zeke is staring at him still, studying him, head tilted.

“I don’t know what you want”, he says, finally. “I don’t think you do, either”.

He wants to go home, really, that’s all there is to it. He wants Erwin back. He wants away from this horrible city filled with horrible people, with things he doesn’t understand, words he has never heard before. Maybe a single year of not constantly fighting has gotten him soft. Whatever. Has he ever spent this much time away from Erwin? He won’t allow himself to think about it too long, just like he doesn’t allow himself to think about Erwin in general. What is he doing, is he well. When will he back. Is he aching for Levi like Levi is aching for him.

He stubs his cigarette out on the edge of the bed. Fucking pathetic. He is not some wife whose man went to war. Erwin trusted him to do this, and all Levi is doing is falling apart at the seams.

“I just want all of this to be over, Zeke”, he ends up saying, in the end. “It’s as simple as that”.

Zeke hums, pensive, sips more of his tea.

“Maybe you are right”, he says. “War is wasted on you. I think I can see it now. You don’t need much more than this, do you?”

Levi swallows. What is this, exactly? Tea to drink, cigarettes to smoke, body aching from fucking, a bed with clean sheets. Sure, maybe that’s it. His dreams have not gotten much bigger, it’s true. He doesn’t think they need to. They still feel impossibly far away.

“I am just pragmatic”, he mutters. Zeke snorts, puts his cup down and stretches lightly under the sheets.

“I can see that”, he says. “You are not a dreamer”. He pauses briefly. “That’s your Commander, isn’t it?”, he asks, soft. He does not sound mocking, or sour, or jealous. For some reason the question almost makes Levi tear up.

“Yeah”, he croaks. “Yeah, that’s Erwin”.

Zeke’s gaze is almost too kind on him now, too understanding. Levi fucking loathes it.

“The time will pass, Levi”, he says. “You will be together again. He loves you, even if I despise it -”

Levi stands up suddenly, pulls his trousers back on. His ears are ringing, his skin crawling. He cannot bear to hear this, not now.

“I am gonna go shower”, he says. “You do whatever the fuck you want”.

He leaves Zeke on the bed, slams the door to the bathroom shut when he gets inside and locks it too. His hands are shaking slightly, he feels nauseous with the ache between his legs. He catches his own gaze in the mirror, stares at himself. His neck is bruised, there are dark bags under his eyes. He looks worse than when he got here, even with all the fancy food he has been eating.

Everyone in Marley looks gaunt, like all their industry and progress has stolen something in return. Their soldiers come back soulless, broken in a way Levi hasn't seen back home. He guesses you don't live to be that traumatised on Paradis. Maybe in a few years Levi will be jumping at the sound of doors closing, maybe he’ll be put in some institution once this is all said and done, once Erwin is gone and Levi remains. He can grow old, broken by the life he fought so hard to live.

It doesn't bear thinking about.

He showers for a long time, half hoping Zeke might fall asleep, half because he's felt disgusting since the moment that syringe touched his arm this morning. He let Zeke fucking throw into dirt, and then fuck him afterwards. God, what a horrible fucking mistake. He scrubs the dirt out from under his nails, watches the drain water turn from muddy brown to clear against the ceramic. His skin is pink from the heat, it makes his pulse thrum against his skin far too loudly.

Unfortunately, Zeke is still awake. He's looking contemplative which is not a good sign. Levi slides under the covers. They are clean and fresh, and cool against his skin. The sheets are clean, Levi is alive, he’s eaten, he's drunk. It's fine. It's fine. It could be so much worse.

There is this thing in his gut, twisting and turning like a serpent that tells him it's not fine. It's not fine at all.

“Did you ever fight Erwin?”, Zeke asks mildly.

And Levi is feeling surly enough again that he nods.

“Yeah”, he sniffs. “He won”.

Zeke’s brows lift. He doesn't even try to keep the surprise off his face.

“Won?”, he gapes. “But not - I mean - he didn't throw you to the ground”. And then, after a beat. “Did he?”

“He's strong”, Levi says simply. “Really strong”.

“You're playing with me”.

“I'm not”, Levi shrugs. There is something stupidly enjoyable about watching Zeke’s features shift with uncertainty.

“He's not stronger than you”, Zeke says, not quite aggravated but getting close. “Smarter, maybe. No offense”.

“He was smart about it”, Levi shrugs. “Didn't need to drug me half unconscious”.

“No need to be bitter”, Zeke sighs. “You could have won”.

“Maybe”. He doubts it somehow. What would he have won? “I was surprised when he first came at me. I was on the backfoot, he was fast and he was bigger, and I'd never had to fight someone who used ODM as well as me”.

“You talk about him easier post coital”, Zeke hums.

Levi closes his eyes. His guard is just lowered an inch. And maybe he wants Zeke to come to know Erwin too. Know how dangerous, and how strong, and just how fucking out matched he is. Maybe he wants him to know just how deep Levi’s trust goes.

“I thought maybe you wouldn't fuck me”, Zeke admits. “I mean, I could see you were into me –”

Levi rolls over, makes sure Zeke can't see the distaste on his face.

“But I thought with your bond, perhaps it was just impossible. You are just very human, under it all, aren't you?”

Levi breathes in. “So many doctors, and so many trials, just to tell you all something that fucking asinine”.

He turns around again. He hates giving his back to anyone. Zeke blinks at him, eyes heavy like sleep is calling him already.

“Can you blame us, Levi? When you move like that, look like that?”

Levi just stares at him. He thinks of that first encounter with Erwin, the way he had come at him with no fear at all even after seeing him fight, the resolution and the wonder in his eyes.

He shouldn’t be surprised by the looks he gets here, really. It’s not much different in Paradis. Erwin had created this mythos around him, this promise of safety and strength once he joined the corps. It turned sneers of freak into this worship Levi hated at the time. He sees it for what it is now; protection. Erwin made him untouchable to save him this fate.

“I am just like anyone else”, he says. “I am just stronger”.

Zeke gives him a crooked smile before shifting in bed, settling for sleep. “I guess we are not so different then, after all”.

The words make Levi’s stomach twist. He breathes out, slowly, flexes his fingers just to feel them moving.

I don’t think he ever saw me as anything other than human, he wants to say, but it would be too fragile, too revealing. Men like him, men like Erwin, they cannot be this vulnerable, show their cards too much. It’s fine, Levi thinks, eyes fluttering shut. He can be a monster here for a little longer, can let Zeke think he is some kind of faulty animal. When he is home, under Erwin’s gaze, then he’ll allow himself to be human again.

Chapter Text

When it happens, it happens fast. Levi is not privy to most of the details. Zeke doesn’t trust speaking them aloud the closer they get to the moment. In the days leading up to Liberio’s destruction, Levi feels like a dog before a storm, like lightning is about to strike, like he can smell ozone in the air. He gets the tang of it on his tongue, that sharp and overly clean taste, just before he knows he’ll have to act: thoughtless and instinctive.

He doesn’t allow himself to think it might fail, that Zeke might have overestimated them, that Erwin might have miscalculated this. The idea of being stuck here isn’t something he can face.

But it’s Erwin’s plan, and Zeke - well - he has a mind for deceit, and a good grip on strategy so, of course, it works. It’s faultless. The devil's double cross them, Marley’s ace Ackerman takes their prize warrior down in a spectacle that Levi barely remembers, and they’re gone in a flash. It’s this blur of violence, and pretense, and horror. He takes no pleasure in revenge, he can’t look at the pure terror on civilians faces and think, you did this to us too. He’s not that type of man.

He is just happy to be gone. He doesn’t even allow himself to feel the happiness until his feet are on solid ground.

The air on Paradis is so crisp, so much cooler. It’s like he can breathe for the first time in months. There is bustle around him; debriefs and chatter and the euphoria of a well won fight. And then there is Erwin, and him, two steps from one another. Levi feels like he might be in a dream, for a moment.

“Levi”, he says, a little breathless, a little fond. He has marks under his eyes still from the colossal, his hair mused. They gaze at one another. “Your hair has grown”.

Yeah, it has. His undercut has grown out and the sea air in Liberio made it kink in the hint of curls.

“You have stubble”, Levi notes. His chest feels tight.

“You don’t like it”, Erwin surmises.

Levi shrugs. It’s irrelevant, really, it’s an irrelevant detail. He doesn’t want to be pathetic, so he doesn’t say what he is thinking. I have been dreaming of you exactly as you left. He doesn’t think he has much to say at all. He realises, suddenly, that in all their time apart he has never imagined this exact moment at all. Just the aftermath. Being together again, fighting together, working together.

He swallows, gaze dropping down and away from Erwin’s face. Embarrassing. His fingers twitch. He just wants to touch him already but there are too many people around them, busy with everything else going on, disembarking, prisoners to handle, supplies to sort, wounds to heal and other things Levi might not even be aware of.

Erwin puts a hand on his shoulder. It makes Levi’s eyelashes flutter.

“There are a few issues requiring my attention”, Erwin says, quietly between them. “Why don’t you - I’ll have someone show you where you are staying. Get some rest. I can join you after I am done. If you’d like. We can debrief properly tomorrow”.

Levi doesn’t trust his voice not to shake, so he just nods. When he lifts his eyes Erwin is staring at him, gaze piercing. Levi wonders what he is seeing, if he can tell how he feels, if he is focused just on the length of his hair, the way he has filled up slightly even if he is still just as pale, the signs of sleepless nights under his eyes.

“I’d like that”, he manages to croak out.

“Good”, Erwin says, squeezes his shoulder just once before letting him go, fingers lingering just briefly. “I’ll be there as soon as I can”.

He doesn’t stay to see Levi nod again. Levi watches him go. It’s only when he disappears from view that he forces himself to move.

His room is in some military base camp near the port he remembers was being built before they left. It’s finished now, simple one-floor buildings all around. It’s nice to just see the sky when he looks up. The showers are empty, everyone else is still working, so Levi takes his time. He can feel adrenaline leaving his body, slowly, even if he still feels on edge. By the time he gets back to his room he is surprised to find Erwin there already, sat on a chair in the corner and still in his uniform. The marks under his eyes have disappeared. When Levi comes in his gaze lifts, finds his immediately. He shows Levi a set of scissors and clippers.

“I thought you might want a haircut”, he says.

Levi can feel the corner of his lips twitch. “So it’s you who doesn’t like it”, he says.

Erwin smiles. “I have a razor too”.

“You don’t know how to shave yourself?”

“I didn’t say you had to be the one doing it”.

Levi shrugs. He has never trusted anyone other than Erwin near his neck. “A haircut would be nice”.

He stands, offers the chair to Levi. The sun is beginning to set, not quite the vivid reds and oranges that would paint Liberio’s skies. It’s just a warm golden glow. Levi crosses the room, sits down. He’s changed clothes, and even the brush of his shirt feels different here. Erwin saved him the trouble of talking at length with his squad, who had crowded him in such genuinely unaffected joy to see him again it had taken his breath for a moment. Sweat soaked, and covered in blood, with the leather of gear still digging lines into their thighs and shoulders they’d all really wanted to hug him. It’s only back here, now, that he allows himself to retroactively feel any sense of homesickness. It would not have served him in Marley.

Erwin strokes a comb through his hair, leans down a little.

“You smell different”, he says, clears his throat a little like he realises it was a terrible opener.

“Oh yeah?” Levi lets his eyes close, he can only smell his fresh shirt, really. The sensation is sending these little quivers of pleasure down his neck, across his shoulders.

“Mmh”, Erwin says. “In your hair, and your skin. Smokier. Zeke smells the same”.

Oh god. Something nauseous turns in his stomach. He hadn’t even noticed.

“We were sharing quarters”. Levi swallows. “It’s rancid that I’m smelling like him”.

“Unavoidable, then”. Erwin takes the clippers to the grown out hair at his temples, at the nape of his neck. “He said you picked up some nasty habits”.

The timbre of his voice makes Levi tremble a little. He wonders if it’s obvious this close.

“Casual habits”. Levi lets Erwin tilt his head. “Nothing I can’t kick. I don’t -” He squeezes his eyes shut, he is going to have to talk about it all eventually. “Tell me about you, about here”.

Erwin huffs a soft laugh. “Fast progress, there is so much to say, though I doubt it’s as exciting as your adventures. Everyone missed you and -” He talks, in that same low and even tone Levi remembers. It’s easy just to listen, till he’s not thinking of anything at all, not of those final weeks in Marley, of the promise of escape against the mounting knowledge of all the things they wanted to do to him if he had to stay. It’s just Erwin’s voice, and nothing else, like the softest caress.

His hand is holding Levi’s head, his palm under his chin and his thumb on his cheek bone. It’s dark outside, suddenly, and the weight of his hair is gone.

“You dozed off”, Erwin says gently. “I didn’t want to wake you”.

“Sorry”, he says, trying to sit straighter, dragging himself present. His body feels half asleep still, it’s something of a foreign feeling, now. Even if Erwin used to talk him down, after missions. “Sorry”.

“No”, Erwin murmurs. “It’s alright, really”.

His thumb strokes the skin under his eye. Levi tilts his head back a little, gazes up at him.

“You look tired, Levi”.

Levi lets his eyes close again. His breath is deepening again with each one of Erwin’s soft touches.

“I didn’t sleep much”, he admits.

“No”, Erwin agrees. His thumb is drawing patterns under his eye. “I didn’t think you would”.

His hand moves lower, curls around Levi’s throat for a second before moving behind, stroking the skin of his nape, his short hair where his undercut is now fresh. Levi moves with his touch, accepts every caress, head hanging when Erwin strokes his nape with his knuckles. He would feel slightly pathetic if it wasn’t for how nice it is to be touched this softly again.

“Let me do your stubble”, he murmurs after a while. “Before I fall asleep again”.

“It’s not urgent”, Erwin says. Levi shakes his head, blinks himself awake and stands up from the chair.

“I want to do it”.

He wants to feel Erwin’s skin when he touches him, not the burn of his hair. It would be too similar to - he puts the thought away. Not here, not now. He won’t ruin his night like that; the first night to have Erwin beside him again, the first night he will finally close his eyes without the sound of Zeke’s heavy breathing in the room. He wants to stay in this concoction of fresh clothes, slow caresses, words that don’t mean much. Just for a little while.

He makes Erwin sit down, prepares the razor and the water and the cream. Erwin is perfectly still under his touch, does not tense or flinch when Levi tilts his head to shave the hair on his neck. He doesn’t close his eyes either, just stares at Levi in complete silence, gaze piercing and following his every movement, every twitch of his expression like he is learning him all over again.

When he is done Erwin’s arms come around his middle, pull him close. Levi rests his cheek on the top of Erwin’s head, hands running down his neck, his shoulders. Erwin’s breath is deep where his face is pressed against his torso, his fingers pressing into Levi’s back.

Levi doesn’t know how long they stay like that. It’s nothing like the desperate hug they had given each other after the fall of Wall Maria, it’s something softer, more tender, like finally coming home. Erwin pulls away first, stares up at Levi.

“Let’s go to sleep”, he murmurs. Levi just nods. Words feel superfluous.

They curl into each other in bed. Levi puts his face against Erwin’s chest, breathes him in. With his arms around him and the covers over them it’s like he is surrounded by him, like nothing else exists past his touch.

-

He wakes slowly, with the sun, lets himself come to awakeness in increments. He stretches out. Erwin’s sat up, his back against the wood headboard and his fingers trailing through Levi’s hair absently. When he shifts in bed there is a crinkle, the sound of paper under pressure. Levi sits up a little. There is a panoply of sheets across their duvet, laid out dutifully. Erwin’s reading through it. Levi buries his head back into the pillow, takes a deep breath in.

“What is all that?”

“You”, Erwin says. “Your reports; doctors and field reports, the things they made you do. Zeke gave me them”.

Levi sits up a little, sniffs in. His body feels stiff, now that it’s been given what it was craving. He leans his head against Erwin’s shoulder.

“It’s in Marleyan”, Levi says, blinking at it.

“Well”. Erwin shrugs. “I had a lot of evenings spare with you gone, and Yelena’s company”.

Levi ignores whatever that spurs in him. Erwin can spend evenings with whoever he likes.

“Impressive”, he says flatly. It’s in perfect, uniform lines, except the notes his Doctor made. He came to know his handwriting quite well, over the time, he would watch his pen and wonder if the dull ballpoint could go straight through his palm with enough force.

“I’m not fluent, by any stretch”, Erwin says, awkwardly effacing. Levi gives him a look, that look Zeke said he detested, that makes people feel small for trying. Levi fixes it, fast, suddenly. The idea Erwin might feel small under his gaze, for the sin of intellectual curiosity, makes him a little ill. “You didn’t learn?”

The door opens, Zeke breezes in like he owns the room. Levi feels his hackles rise like a cat. Feels all the good will and warm, sleepy affection leave him. He pulls the covers up like he has something to hide.

“Knock”, he snarls. “You fucking idiot -”

Zeke gives him a glance. “It’s nothing I haven’t seen. He was an excellent roommate. Cleanest my place had ever looked -” He puts a cup down on the bedside table, it steams. “For you, Captain. Are we talking about his abysmal language skills? I did all the ordering at dinner”.

“Why are you in my room”, Levi says levelly. Erwin’s fingers are still stroking his hair.

“Eh, we are looking at your -” He squints and turns the edge of a paper. “Albumin levels, together. Obviously”. Zeke throws a finger at Erwin. “He’s good. But medical knowledge is particular”. He sits on the edge of the bed. Levi feels his eyes widen a little.

“Daddy dearest give you that?”, Levi asks.

“It’s nine in the morning”. Zeke purses his lips. “Can we not?”

He turns to Erwin. “Was he here earlier? You didn’t wake me?”

Erwin looks a little bemused. “You were asleep”.

Levi swallows, looks at Zeke. Zeke looks back, a grimace on his face Levi doesn’t know what to do with. Until he clocks it. It’s envy. He presses himself a little closer to Erwin, watches the expression darken.

“I’m a real threat here, Levi”, Zeke says. “We’ve done a role reversal; you can be my minder this time”.

Levi’s lip curls.

“This -”, Erwin asks. “What’s that word?”

Zeke takes in a breath. “Uhm. It’s not a translation thing, it’s more – it’s his insulin, it’s like in your blood when you -” He waves a hand. “Sorry, I’m not as good as my Father at explaining concepts to people who can’t grasp them. It’s not really that important. ”

“Prat”. Levi clicks his tongue. He feels too vulnerable laying like this in bed, barely woken up, Zeke so close and Erwin still stroking his hair. He doesn’t think has ever seen him like this, past - well, past the time he drugged him and threw him in the dirt. His skin is prickling with some unnameable feeling. He wants to tell Zeke to fuck off but it feels like admitting defeat, in a way. What is there to hide?

He kicks the covers off, throws his legs off the side of the bed and feels both Erwin’s and Zeke’s gaze on him when he stands up. He is still in yesterday’s shirt but it’s long enough that it covers him. He still finds his trousers first thing to shrug them on. When he turns around the desire is plain on Zeke’s face. Levi ignores it, grabs the mug from the bedside table, sits on a chair and takes a sip. Erwin’s gaze finds his, amused.

“You are really drinking it?”

“I learned a few things, Commander”, Zeke smiles. “Just like you did”.

Erwin looks to him instead. Sat against the headboard, in civilian clothes and with papers between them, him and Zeke just look like friends. It’s nauseatingly similar to their meeting in that awful bar in Marley. Levi almost wants to leave them alone again.

“It certainly looks like it”, Erwin comments, looks down at the papers again. “Some of these tests seem - well. Unethical is one word for it”.

“I already told you, I did what I could to keep him safe”, Zeke says snidely. “As was in everyone’s best interest. Mine, too. He is less than an ideal roommate when he is angry”.

“I cannot imagine”, Erwin hums, turns a page. Levi wants to slap those documents out of his hands. He feels naive for expecting a quiet morning, some peace. Of course it wasn’t going to happen.

“But he can be quite pleasant, too”, Zeke drawls. “As I am sure you know”.

Levi tenses at the words, jaw tight. If Zeke even dares to - if he tries to tell Erwin - if he even implies -

Erwin doesn’t take the bait, of course. He just hums again, looks over to Levi.

“Did they share these results with you?”

Levi shrugs. “Not all of them”.

“He is an interesting little creature”, Zeke says. “There was a lot to write”. He looks at Levi too, gives me that odious smile of his and takes a cigarette out. “But we had our fun too, didn’t we, Levi”.

“Don’t fucking smoke in here”, Levi says, teeth gritted. Zeke blinks.

“Oh? You didn’t seem to mind, all these months. You didn’t seem to mind a lot of things”.

“Turn your own walls piss yellow”, he snarls. “Save mine”.

Zeke offers him one, inclines the packet towards him. Levi shakes his head. He gives him a look of surprise.

“A lot of physical tests and here -” Erwin points, engrossed. “Where is this?”

“Oh”, Zeke says. “It’s in the east. Marley is skirmishing there. It’s where they wanted to send Levi, once they knew he wouldn’t run away”. He points over the next couple of pages. “These are quite garish ways they wanted to make him obey”.

Erwin’s brows crease, his gaze flickers to Levi once, unsettled.

“Thank you, then”.

Zeke looks a little taken aback. “Oh, for not letting them poke around his brain”, he laughs. “Least I could do. You know, all these papers miss the beach trips and the sunsets, and the wine, and the parties -”

Erwin's jaw works, almost imperceptible. “Well looked after then, when you weren’t breaking him like a horse”.

“I actually think Magath liked him. He fucking hated me”, Zeke muses. “People were being pleasant to me who hadn’t ever bothered to glance my way before”.

It’s true. They all quite liked him, by the end, Magath had said, once, have not trained someone this splenetic since Leonhart, with a fondness that made Levi pointedly not think of Petra, and Gunther, and everyone else who they left in that forest.

Most of those generals are dead now. Survivors will be digging up corpses from under rubble and promising revenge on Levi. How exhaustingly cyclical. Horribly human.

“I think Levi’s a bit like a weed”, Zeke says. “You could put him anywhere and he’d thrive; underground, in the sun, home or away –”

“Oh fuck off”, Levi huffs.

“Also”, Zeke says over him. “That’s exactly how you break a horse, no? Have to give an apple after the whip”.

Levi ignores the rush of vertigo. Think of days of exhaustion and nights of wine and dizzying praise. That’s exactly how they saw him.

“On the subject of reward”, Zeke smiles. “How's my brother?”

“We’ll get to that”, Erwin promises. “Lets just take some time to lay out our intentions, mmh?”

Zeke’s smile turns a little tight but he turns his palms up. “I’m very willful. However long you need. And here I thought we’d be seeing less of each other”, he says to Levi.

Fuck. Of course. Who else could keep him in check. Very carefully, Levi swallows.

“Zeke”, he says. “Can we have the room?”

Zeke gives him a very knowing smile. “Mhm. Of course. I’ll follow your other little soldiers wherever they take me”. He puts his cigarette in his mouth. “Perfect timing”.

Erwin waits until the door is closed. There is an incredulous, stagnant pause between them.

“It’s a precaution and it won’t be for long -”

“I just spent six months with him”, Levi begins, low in his throat. “And I just wanted -” He cuts himself off, realises how petulant he sounds. “It’s fine. I wish you would’ve told me, before letting him into our - this - room, and -” He stands. “Actually, it doesn’t matter. It’s fine”.

“Well, it’s not”, Erwin says, diplomatically. “Is it?”

“Well, it not being fine isn't going to change it, so it’s fine”, Levi breathes. “I am just so tired of him, and of this. I am -” He turns on his heel, faces Erwin. “I am allowed to be tired”.

“I didn't say you weren’t”, Erwin says, watches him carefully.

“That”. He points at the papers. “Doesn’t come close to how -” And his voice is rising, the indignity of it all getting ahead of him. “It’s over, anyway”.

“Levi”.

He squeezes his eyes shut at the sound of his name.

“You can tell me”.

“You’re reading all the grizzly fucking details over breakfast”, he grits. “And you are reading them with him”.

“He is helping me with the vocabulary”, Erwin says, slow.

Levi wants to tell him that he has Yelena, that if he really wants Zeke he can help him anywhere else other than the room he is sleeping in, at any other time other than when Levi is unconscious. Erwin’s gaze is fixed on him, his brows furrowed, like he is not understanding. Fuck him, Levi thinks, and swallows down all his words.

“It doesn’t matter”, he gets out. “As I said. It’s fine”.

“Levi”, Erwin tries again, more careful this time. “I know it mustn’t have been easy. The documents -”

Levi snorts. “The fucking documents”. He rubs a hand over his face. “Do you really think there is everything in there?”

“No”, Erwin admits. “You can tell me. You should tell me”.

Levi’s throat feels too tight, his chest like it’s being crushed. He can feel his hands shaking a little. How can he even explain what it was like? To be poked and prodded, and touched, and stared at, the cattle prods and the fighting and the exhaustion, and having to go along with it all without even -

“You know they fucking drugged me?”, he blurts out, and regrets it immediately after but it’s like a dam has been broken. “Until I could barely fucking see, made me fight while I was swaying on my feet -”

“I have read the report”, Erwin says, takes a step towards him. “Levi, I am sorry -”

“Oh, you read the report”, Levi snaps, steps back. “How wonderful. Did you compare notes with Zeke? Asked him how it felt to choke me until I passed out -”

Something flashes across Erwin’s face.

“Choke you”, he repeats, slow. “That wasn’t on the records”.

Levi’s hands are in fists, his nails digging into his palms.

“Oh, it wasn’t”, he snarls. “How odd. If you had asked me, if you had talked to me before starting to -” He swallows, suddenly can’t stand Erwin’s gaze on him, his furrowed brows and the worry and what seems like pity, like Levi is some kicked puppy on the streets. It was not like that. Levi is used to this, to the pain and the fighting and the horror of it all. He can’t bear for Erwin to think they have broken him, that from now on he is going to be this traumatised little thing. He needs Erwin to look at him like before. Even anger would be better than this. “We fucked, right after”, he ends up saying, pushed out of his chest. “We have been fucking since”.

Erwin doesn’t react. His face is suddenly blank, like Levi is discussing some military operation with him. Levi hates it.

“I had gathered”, Erwin says, voice even. “He is not exactly subtle”.

“And you don’t care?”, Levi manages to ask. His hands are really trembling now.

Erwin looks to the door from where Zeke has just left them.

“He is obsessed with you. That’s ammunition”.

“Ammunition”, Levi repeats, hates how shaky his voice sounds. “That’s it?”

Erwin takes a step closer. Levi forces himself not to take one back.

“He thinks he has his claws in you. You let him think that. You gave him just enough to keep you safe, that was a good move, all things considered. He was only person on your side, you were right to -”

Levi squeezes his eyes shut. “It wasn’t like that -”

“No?”, Erwin asks. “You are smart, Levi”.

“It wasn’t -” Levi grits his teeth. “So bloodless. I didn’t fuck him for strategy, It wasn’t – I wasn’t thinking -” His voice is rising. “Do you need to think it was some play for power? Is that what you need? It wasn’t. I guess I am just a slut. Sorry to disappoint you”.

Erwin’s eyes flash, his lips drop open. He takes a moment to regain himself.

“You haven’t disappointed me”, he says with the clearest voice, like he needs to press the words into Levi’s skin. It makes something well in him, he struggles to tamp it down, this overwhelming despair.

“I let him -” Levi’s lips move and the words don’t quite come. “I let him - I just let him”.

Erwin reaches out, Levi flinches back. He can’t bear the idea of being touched.

“I fought him”, Levi says, and he focuses his eyes on nothing at all. “I could barely stand straight. He choked me out. I couldn’t stop thinking, as I layed there in the dirt, and he wrapped both hands around my throat, what he would tell you if he’d killed me. If he’d give you the truth, or say it was some mistake, some lapse in military judgement. I saw in his eyes, for a moment - for a moment - he really wanted me dead”. He grips both his biceps in arm. “When I came to we were back to coy comments and snarking back and forth and I realised - it was flirting to him. It was always flirting; the fear, the violence. To me it was torture, to me it was exhausting, and I was so fucking done and to him it was a game. So maybe you are right, I gave him what he wanted”. He laughs, croaked and humourless. “Maybe I just wanted something nice”.

There was a night, after they made Levi kill titans, made him watch them empty those syringes into helpless men and women, and made Zeke turn them, where all they did was kiss. Mouths open and scorching, slow and endless, and Zeke never asked for more. Levi had stayed up until dawn, fingers tracing his lips and wondering what the fuck he was doing anymore.

“Do you think he still wants you dead?”, Erwin asks.

“I think -” Levi’s eyes fall shut. “I think neither of us know what we want. The sex wasn’t even good”, he huffs. “Actually it was fucking abysmal, and now I have to babysit him until we work out what the fuck to do. He so desperately wants to shove this in your face, you know. He thinks he’s given me something that could - could come between us”.

“Has he?”

“He’s not given me anything”, Levi snarls.

“Taken something, then”, Erwin offers. Levi’s hand shoots out, he might have wanted to push him, or hit him but it was half-hearted and aborted. Erwin catches his wrist, the grip gentle. He is watching Levi now, reading so deep into his eyes Levi feels helpless to it.

“He asked me if I had been waiting for you”, Levi breathes, and his voice is too small, and too soft. “I had been. I had wanted -”

Erwin kisses him, kisses him like it’s instinct, his grip on his wrist loosens, and comes to interlace their hands. The other cups his cheek, angles his head. Levi breathes in, lets his lips open, tips up onto the balls of his feet to deepen it. It’s so good it makes his head spin a little. Their tongues brush and Levi’s back hits the wall. Erwin kisses the side of his cheek, soft and almost chaste. It brings a sob to Levi’s throat.

“I shouldn’t have done that”, he gasps, “I am sorry, I shouldn’t - I wanted -”

“Shh, Levi”, Erwin hushes him, soft, lips dragging across his skin, his fingers running through his hair, scratching against his skull. “It’s alright. It’s alright”.

It’s really not. Something inside him, feral and hurt, wants to scratch at Erwin, push him away and run from him, curse him for leaving him alone and making him endure this too. But Erwin pulls him close, cradles him like he doesn’t want to leave any space between them. Levi’s fists are trapped against his chest, his eyes filling humilitiangly.

“I shouldn’t be feeling like this”, Levi gets out. “You are right, we should - debrief, and -”

“No”, Erwin says, firm. “No”.

Levi lets himself sag against him, only Erwin’s grip holding him up. He feels so weak, suddenly, more than he felt in Marley. In Marley he felt helpless, and clueless, but he was strong at least, he could prove he knew how to fight. Erwin makes him defenseless, like the reality of everything that happened is suddenly settling in, now that Levi is in front of him.

“I shouldn’t have assumed your role without discussing it, first”, Erwin says, softly. Levi makes a sound against his chest.

“There is no one else who can guard him”, he croaks.

“Mikasa -”

Levi shakes his head. “Mikasa is too close of a direct link to Eren. She shouldn’t be assigned to him”. He tips his head up, meets Erwin’s gaze. “You know that too”.

Erwin doesn’t dispute it, just stares back at him, his gaze so clear, swipes his fringe away from his forehead.

“I won’t force you to do something you can’t do”.

Levi bristles, tries to push him away with little strength at all. Erwin holds steady.

“I can do it. There is no one else who can”.

“Levi”, Erwin says, soft. “I need to know. If this is too much, if you can’t handle it -”

“Fuck off”, Levi snarls, untangles from Erwin’s embrace and wraps his arms around himself. “I am not some broken toy. I was just - I didn’t think about it, alright? I didn’t think about what would come after. When I was there, I tried to think of nothing at all”. He takes a deep breath in, eyes fluttering shut. “Just tell me what the fucking plan is”.

When he opens his eyes again Erwin is staring at him, gaze searching, calculating. Assessing him, Levi knows. He wants Erwin to hold him close again but that would be selfish. They have shit to do. It was stupid of Levi to not consider his duties.

“Fine”, Erwin acquisces, finally. “But you will tell me if -”

“Yeah, yeah”. Levi waves a hand. “Let’s just get it done with”. So Erwin tells him everything, while Levi makes tea again, his cup now cold. They’ll go through a trial period, feed Zeke both real and false information, enough to check if he is crossing them, not enough to be compromised. Only after they will consider if it’s safe for him and Eren to meet. Levi just listens as Erwin updates him on everything that happened while he was away, politics and funding and skirmishes and alliances. Levi mostly keeps quiet.

“Fine”, he says at the end. “Should be easy enough. Do I still have my squad?”

Erwin’s brows furrow. “Of course”.

“I need to meet with them”, Levi says. “See where their training is at. I have not used ODM much either”.

“I’ll arrange that”. Erwin swipes his hair back. “We should move closer to the woods”.

Levi lifts an eyebrow. “We?”

“Well, I am staying here, of course”, Erwin says. “I have notes to go through with him”.

God. The thought of the two of them getting closer makes Levi nauseous. “Right. Of course”.

Erwin seems to realise he has misstepped, hesitates for a second. “I’ll admit, I am hesitant to part with you, too”, he murmurs. “Not so soon after I just got you back”.

Levi swallows, looks away. “You don’t have to sweeten me up”.

“I am not”, Erwin promises. “Levi, please. I wouldn’t lie to you, not about this”.

He doesn’t know why everything feels like a game, now.

“What was your read on him?”, Erwin asks. “Is he genuine?”

Levi takes a breath in his nose, squeezes his eyes shut.

“I don't know”, Levi admits. “He's a contrarian. I think there must be something desperate in him, y’know? To sell his family out like that. I can see it in his eyes, the way he seeks validation. I think he'd seek it from Eren too –”

“What about you?”, Erwin asks. Levi thinks about it, rationally, lays it out in his head.

“Nah”, he mutters. “Not me. Maybe you. He doesn't respect me. He's scared of me, but he doesn't respect me. He finds little acts of retribution, always -”

“The drugging”, Erwin says.

“Mmh”, Levi agrees. “We fell out a few days before it”.

Erwin nods. Levi doesn't elaborate.

“He's deferential to Marley”, Levi admits. “Though -” He clears his throat. “They cultivate self-loathing in everyone. It's not - it's nothing like here. It's so different to here. He never once seemed remorseful, that's all, and he never talked of what he really wanted. I just wouldn't trust the future with someone with that much self-hatred”.

“Oh?”, Erwin asks, a little wry. Levi clicks his tongue.

“Different type”, Levi says.

“Different type of loathing?”, Erwin asks.

“You are motivated, at least”. Levi shrugs. “He's a cynic. He's a cynic to protect himself”.

Erwin smiles. “Did he talk about his plans at all?”

“No”, Levi says. “Maybe I didn't prod”.

“I knew you'd be astute”, Erwin says, fond around the edges. It makes Levi smile a little, though he bites it back.

“He had a grating voice”, Levi swallows. “But I think -” Levi searches for the word. “I think he is miserable. I don't know if he's ever been happy once. Or - he's never let himself be”.

“Do you think you make him happy?”, Erwin asks, a quirk in his lip.

“I keep him entertained”. Levi bites his lip. “I think - I think there is something about me that –” It’s on the tip of his tongue, though he struggles to name it; this look in Zeke’s eyes, this intellectual, sated, desire. “I think there is something about me that proves what he thinks of the world. I don’t know what though”.

A tremble runs through him. If Erwin notices he says nothing on it.

“Talking about him will become harder”, he admits.

“Because he’s always going to be here?”, Levi cringes.

Erwin gives him a grimace. “I’m sorry”.

“It’s fine”. Levi crosses his arms, tone flippant. “Should’ve fucked you last night, taken my chance”.

Erwin smiles. “Is that what you wanted?”

“Of course”, Levi tilts his head. “I’m only human”.

“I know”, Erwin says, like a promise. Under the table they are sitting at his hand finds Levi’s leg, grips at his thigh. “I know”.

Even a touch as simple as that makes a thrill run down Levi’s spine. Yesterday being in Erwin’s arms again felt like something out of a dream, today he wants his hands all over him, wants to to be pressed together, skin on skin, sweat mingling and sharing breath. Erwin’s eyes are dark on him, his grip tightens on his thigh, possessive. It makes Levi shiver slightly, gaze half-lidded.

“Come here”, Erwin says, lets him go and pushes his chair back, legs spread.

Levi stands, moves to settle on Erwin’s lap. Erwin’s hands go around his waist, stroke him from his torso to his hips.

“I missed you”, he says, quietly, looks up at Levi with such sincerity in his gaze and openness on his face, it takes Levi’s breath away. “I thought about you constantly”.

“Yeah?”, Levi asks, means for it to come out teasing but it just sounds breathless. “What did you think about?”

“Many things”, Erwin says, moves a hand to cup his cheek, stroke his skin under his eye. “The colour of your eyes, the slope of your nose. Your mouth”. His thumb moves to Levi’s bottom lip, pushes slightly. Levi lets his lips drop open, watches how Erwin’s gaze goes dark. “How it’d feel to have you under me again”.

“What are you waiting for, then?”, Levi breathes.

That’s all it takes, in the end. He lets Erwin lay him in bed, lets him remove every item of clothing he is wearing, slow and reverent, like he is savouring this, like he is learning Levi all over again. His hands run down Levi’s body, touch him everywhere he can reach like he is making sure Levi is really here with him. Levi just shivers under him, goosebumps on his skin and hips twitching.

It’s a while until Erwin finally takes him into his mouth, starts opening him up with his fingers. Levi melts into it all, eyes fluttering close and breath deep. It’s only when Erwin lines up and interlaces their fingers that he opens them again.

“Look at me”, Erwin breathes, and holds Levi’s gaze as he pushes inside him. Levi’s lips drop open, arching against him. He can’t believe how good this feels, how full he is and how all-encompassing the sensation is. How safe he feels with Erwin above him.

It’s slow, and deep, and tender. He doesn’t want to speed up and Erwin doesn’t seem to want that either. He makes Levi come first, thumb swiping at the head of his cock, then comes inside him as he kisses Levi deep and wet, arms trembling and breath deep.

“I love you”, Erwin whispers against his mouth, and all Levi can do is hug him close, as close as he can, pressed together so he can feel Erwin’s heartbeat against his own.

After, when Levi is showered and putting his clothes back on, Erwin strokes the short hair at his nape one last time before letting him go.

“I’ll be in my office”, he tells him. “Bring him for dinner”.

“For dinner”, Levi repeats, and even the thought of spending the rest of his day with Zeke does not seem as horrendous now. “He’ll be elated, I am sure”.

“I’ll try not to let him get to me”, Erwin says.

“Get to you?”, Levi snorts. “I didn’t think that was a problem”

Erwin shrugs. “It might become one, after everything you have told me”

That makes Levi smile a little, a secret thing. He’s allowed to enjoy the idea of Erwin tearing about alliances for his honour. He can indulge in dreams too sometimes.

Erwin kisses him goodbye, once on the lips, once on the forehead. It leaves Levi slightly dazed. He goes outside too quickly, should have at least waited for his flush to settle. Zeke is sat on a patch of grass in the sun, he squints at Levi.

“You look -” He struggles, his mouth opening, and then closing again. He seems to shutter something off his face. “As good as you hoped for?”

Oh, the sex. Of course he would notice.

“Better than I could have dreamed”, Levi bites back.

“You told me you don’t dream, Levi”, Zeke says, and his tone is level and cold. Levi doesn’t let himself luxuriate in it. “So. How does one survive as a prisoner of war, give me all your tips”.

Levi sits opposite him, watches him pick at blades of grass. “You’re barely a prisoner, Zeke”.

“Mmh”, Zeke looks up. “There is no freedom on this island, is there? So, we are all prisoners in a way”.

Levi glances at him.

“You can tell your Commander that one”, Zeke says sweetly. “When you talk about me over sex”.

Levi ignores the rush of chagrin at that.

“So self-important”, he mutters. “You fucking wish”.

Zeke doesn’t even deny it, just stares at him with that mix of contempt and desire Levi has come to know so well. There were times, in Marley, where the hatred would disappear, where Zeke would look at him like they were real lovers, where their gazes would lock, Zeke’s filled with wonder. But Levi is not naive enough to assume Zeke’s hate for him has subsumed. That’s the look all men get when they are getting their cock warm.

The day passes in relative quiet. Levi feels like he has the upper hand here, at least, the sun is reinvigorating, the air feels cleaner, he has slept more than four hours and there are familiar faces around him. It’s a vast improvement from their last predicament. Zeke seems to be able to tell, too.

“You are less tense”, he comments. “You almost look like you might be able to enjoy life”.

“I do enjoy life, Zeke”, Levi deadpans. “I am enjoying the chance to carry blades around with me immensely”.

Zeke rolls his eyes. “With all the pleasures in the world, you always choose violence”.

I choose violence with you, Levi thinks, doesn’t say. He can show it to Zeke without words, he thinks, vendicative. He is only human, after all. He’ll take the chance to enjoy Erwin’s touch, make Zeke see all his jabs and cruel jokes mean nothing at all. When he leads them to Erwin’s office for dinner Zeke’s eyes are predictably sparkling with delight.

“How wonderful”, he croons as they walk towards the room. “I hope we can look at those documents again. Or maybe we should compare other kinds of notes?”

Levi’s nose curls. God, he wants to punch him; better yet, he wants Erwin to just shut him the fuck up. He has the ability, he knows, would succeed where Levi failed.

In his office Erwin has already glasses out, pouring wine. His head raises when the door opens. “Ah”, he says, smiles at Levi and keeps the smile plastered on his face when he turns to Zeke. “Here you are. You’ll forgive me, Zeke, we finished the bottles you so kindly sent us last time. I am not sure the Paradis wine will be up to your standards”. He hands him a glass. “But let’s cheer anyway. To a successful mission”.

Zeke takes the glass. Levi doesn’t; he doesn’t want to cheer to anything at all, simply stares at the two of them as they clink glasses together.

Zeke takes a sip, makes a face.

“Terrible. Even if not as awful as I imagined it would be”, he says, looks over at Levi. “Is that why you are not drinking? I guess you got used to finer things. I treated you well, after all”.

“I have no reason to drink tonight”, Levi says, terse. Zeke huffs.

“Yes, I am sure it was such a chore, when we were together. You know, Commander”, Zeke says, sits on the couch. “I showed him a lot, in Marley. Delicacies you don’t get here, entertainment you don’t have. Did I spoil you, Levi?”, he asks, tone innocent.

Levi gives him an incredulous glare.

“He's no fun”, Zeke says, mostly to Erwin.

“Really?”, Erwin says, brows furrowed. He looks achingly genuine. “I think he's great fun”.

Zeke’s smile turns wry. He shrugs. “Different standards”. He leans forward, fingers stroking the fresh cut hair at Levi’s nape. “I like this by the way -”

Levi grabs his wrist, pins it to the table, and slams his knife between Zeke’s outspread middle and ring finger. It imbeds deep in the wood.

“Don't touch me”.

Zeke’s mouth falls agape. Even Erwin seems a little taken aback.

“So -”, he says, tight. “Those delicacies, Zeke?”

“I took him lots of places. He really only enjoyed the food, though, I think. It's human nature though to seek what you never had, and not care for things out your frame of reference”.

God, Levi hates him.

“Such as?”, Erwin asks, a smile on his lips. It's that sparkling, half-amused one, he used to give it to noblemen, and Nile, and almost everyone he thinks very little of. They never seem to notice.

“Museums, art galleries. Marley has beautiful collections, from all over the world. Really, second to none. Levi -”

“I didn't see the point looking at plates and vases from all the pretty places you destroyed, now that enough time has past that you can write a little plaque about how you did them a favour by putting their shit on show”.

Maybe it had made him think too much of progress, of the idea of tables and chairs from underground that have never seen sunlight, laid out with a little sign that explained how unfortunate the time was, and how poor the souls were. And how good things are now. Things are never that good.

Erwin doesn't agree, he can see the way his brow twitches. But he doesn't say anything.

“There is a section for Eldia”, Zeke says, his smile knowing. “You'd like it, Commander. It's a bit of flagellation, doesn't paint us very well but they take Eldian children to see”.

Yeah, actually, Erwin would like it. It's the type of knowledge he almost died for, laid out and packaged neatly to be gawked at.

“Maybe we’ll go together, someday”, Erwin says to Levi.

“I think you stepped on it”, Levi says flatly. “In our escape”.

That makes Erwin laugh, a soft quirk of his lips. Levi feels himself smile back, just the slightest twist. Zeke stares between them, turns to Erwin.

“I didn’t realise you shared his twisted sense of humor”, he smiles, gritted. Erwin shrugs, sits on the couch in front of him. Levi briefly contemplates taking a chair out of the table, ends up sitting next to Erwin instead.

“I like his wit”.

Zeke gives an incredulous laugh. “Right”.

“We don’t have museums here, not really”, Erwin says. His tone is casual but Levi can read the interest under it. He looks at Levi. “Do you think I have trampled them all?”

“There are other places to visit aside from Marley”.

“But their own archives will be depleted”, Zeke puts in. “As you so wonderfully put it, Levi. Marley holds most important historical artefact. Or well, held”. He reaches over, grabs some simple bread and meat from what is on the table between them, takes a bite. “The food is better than the wine, I have to say”.

Levi scoffs. “That’s what happens when you don’t force your animals into cages”.

Erwin’s brows raise. “Oh?”

They start a conversation about agriculture and farming Levi cannot be bothered to listen to. He knows Zeke finds him incurious, that Erwin sometimes thinks that too but that’s not what it is. Levi is practical. Survival always comes first. It’s difficult to pay attention to what doesn’t further that goal. With Erwin it would have been different, he thinks. He likes listening to Erwin talk, he likes how he explains things, how he is never condescending with him. Zeke was everything but that.

He just settles next to Erwin, tunes them out and takes some food, too. He is so exhausted, still, he might fall asleep to the sound of Erwin’s voice again. All the lack of rest has finally caught up with him.

“Levi”, he hears at some point. “You are quiet. I’d thought you’d jump at the chance to side with your Commander in an argument against me”.

Levi blinks himself into the scene again, looks over at Zeke. There is something pathetic in his gaze, something needy. Does he really want Levi’s attention this badly? He probably just got too used to having him react to all his taunting.

“I am tired of arguing with you, Zeke”, he mutters. Zeke’s face lights up.

“Oh? We can be friends, then?”

“That’s not what I said”, Levi gets out, teeth gritted. “God, you -”

Erwin puts a hand on his leg, squeezes it slightly. Levi should bite his fingers off, really, for even daring to imply he should have more patience with the man he is still being forced to spend every breathing hour with. But Zeke’s jaw tenses as soon as he sees the touch, jealousy flashing across his eyes, and that’s enough for Levi to settle back against the couch.

“Whatever”, he mumbles. Erwin’s grip moves higher up his thigh, his thumb digging in. Levi crosses his arms across his chest, scowling. Zeke gives him a bitter smile, refills his glass.

“Ah”, he says. “Now I see how it is”.

“See how what is?” Levi leans his head back, lets his eyes fall shut. His tone is so exhausted. But then, really, between these two men he has very little to prove. They know the complete extent of his strength.

“Maybe the two of us can talk another time, Zeke”, Erwin says. “I think we are tiring Levi”.

“I thought I was under surveillance”, Zeke smiles, and Levi can hear the click of his lighter. He doesn’t have the strength to tell him off.

Erwin’s hand touches his shoulder, awfully gentle. Levi looks at him, brows drawn together. He’s uncertain what Erwin’s even asking for a moment, before he uncrosses his legs, tips his gaze down. Fuck it, Levi thinks, he has nothing to lose. He let Zeke fuck him till he was drooling. He can show him how he acts when he’s with someone he can stand.

He drops his head onto Erwin’s lap, curls up there. Erwin’s fingers come to card through his hair.

“He’s like a cat”, Zeke says, with an inch of resentment. “I don’t think I have ever seen him with his eyes closed for longer than a minute”.

“I’m still here”, Levi snarls, though it’s not got much bite. Erwin’s fingers are warm and soft on his temples, the crown of his head. He can enjoy this, he can enjoy how much it’s making Zeke seethe. As if Levi would have ever allowed himself this in Marley.

“Well”, Erwin says, and Levi can hear the smile in his voice, that one that makes you feel like you are in on a secret with him. “He must trust you more now then”.

It makes Levi sigh out a laugh. Zeke just clicks his tongue.

“I didn’t realise the toll his strength took on him”, Zeke muses.

“Yes you did”. Erwin’s voice is level, Levi can feel it. “You spent months testing it”.

Zeke shifts a little, the sound reaches Levi, even if his eyes are closed.

“Well, he never needed that”.

“A break?”, Erwin asks. “No, he wouldn’t. He’d never see an opportunity for one. He only rests when he thinks he can. Don’t let me speak for you if you disagree, Levi”.

“I agree”, he murmurs.

Zeke laughs, a croaked thing. “It’s a bit catty, Commander, to show me this”.

“Show you what?”, Erwin asks, with that awful genuineness. He can imagine the guileless look in his eyes. “You exhausted my Captain. We can entertain one another enough, so I’m letting him rest. He’d come to fast if he thought you’d run away”.

Levi hums.

“Excellent”, Zeke drawls. “I was worried”. And then, with a sniff. “So he told you we fucked”.

“Yes”. Erwin curls his fingers into Levi’s hair.

“I’ll admit I didn’t get him half this sweet”, Zeke sighs.

Erwin laughs, a soft thing.

“But then”, Zeke continues, a bit virulent. “I have not got his undying loyalty”.

“Mmh. Do you think that’s what it is?”, Erwin asks, thoughtfully.

“I do”, Zeke says, firmly.

“We have spent more time together. He just trusts me”, Erwin says. “It’s quite an easy concept, really”.

“Oh please”, Zeke scoffs. “You send him out there time and time again and he keeps on going for these little rewards; a bit of praise, a little scratch under the chin, a good night's sleep, a fuck if he’s lucky. You have no idea how often I caught him daydreaming about you”.

“How flattering”, Erwin hums.

“Do you think it’s real love?”, Zeke asks.

What does it matter? Levi thinks. This is how things are. He protects Erwin and Erwin trusts in him. Whatever bond they have, it doesn’t need a name. He is the only person Levi feels safe around, the only one that can make him come undone with one touch. And Erwin - he loves Levi, he supposes. He cares for him, trusts in him, fucks him well and -

“Me for him?”, Erwin asks. “Of course”.

He says it so casually, like it’s just a given truth. His fingers caress Levi’s cheekbone, make him shiver slightly. They don’t use these words often, yet today it’s the second time Erwin has told him this. Maybe the distance has made him soft, maybe it’s some possessive desire. Levi doesn’t know. It’s giving Zeke ammunition, though, to admit it so carelessly.

“Mmh. I meant him for you, Commander, you know that”. Zeke’s voice comes out acerbic, like he was not expecting the answer, was not expecting Erwin’s casual admission.

“Well, I cannot answer that”, Erwin says. His thumb is drawing patterns at the soft skin under his jawline.

“Because -”

“If you say because I am a slave”, Levi mutters, though his words are coming out a little slurred. He can’t believe Erwin is getting him so looselimbed with Zeke in the room. “I will throw my knife at you”.

His eyes open, just slightly. Zeke is staring at him, still smoking his cigarette. He takes a drag, exhales carefully out of the way.

“I was going to say because you let me fuck you anyway”, Zeke says, leans back, arms spread around the couch. “But I guess that works too”.

Erwin’s fingers stutter against his neck for a second. Levi’s teeth grit.

“And I reckon you don’t let many others do it. Only your Commander”, Zeke continues, stubs his cigarette out. “So I wager I must be quite special. Even if you are acting like you cannot stand my touch now”.

The worst thing is that it’s true. Before Marley he had not had sex with anyone but Erwin for years. They never talked about it, but he knows Erwin hasn’t either. Maybe he did while Levi was away. It doesn’t matter. When it’s the two of them, there is no one else.

He wants to speak but Erwin grips his nape lightly, makes his eyes flutter shut again.

“Levi cannot act”, he says, calm. “He cannot lie. I am sure you have noticed, through these months. So if he cannot stand your touch now, I recommend you keep your distance”.

There is a possessive edge to his voice that makes Levi’s cheeks flush. Zeke doesn’t answer immediately, although Levi can hear the sound of his lighter again, the first inhale of a new cigarette.

“You have made your point, Commander”, he says. “I didn’t think you’d enjoy making such a spectacle, but I guess you have always had a flair for the theatrics”.

Erwin shrugs. “It was a long six months”.

“I can imagine it was difficult”, Zeke muses, “given his many... capabilities”.

“Well, thanks to Levi’s sacrifice we’ve had months of uninterrupted peace”, Erwin says, fingers tracing the shell of his ear.

“That’s not what I meant”, Zeke smiles. Levi opens his eyes briefly, watches Zeke sink back against the sofa, arm out like he has someone to wrap it around. “I am a little jealous of you, I suppose. You really hold all the cards, don’t you? I mean, the Colossal is a massive military asset, and you have your little monarch you installed, your pretty little slave by your side. You’re the type of Eldian they tell stories about to scare the masses”

“I have never been well liked”, Erwin promises.

“And that doesn’t bother you?”, Zeke asks, and Levi can hear under the snideness of it there is something genuinely baffled about it.

“Not particularly”, Erwin says. “I have done some unforgivable things”.

Zeke’s silence holds something, before he laughs gently. “He told me you two fought”.

Levi shifts, lets his eyes close. Erwin is quiet too, considering.

“I don’t count what I did to Levi as something irredeemable”.

“He said you won”. Zeke exhales. The smell hits Levi’s nostrils. “I think he was just playing into your image. I can’t imagine him losing a fight”.

“Really?”, Erwin asks, mildly.

Zeke lets out an uncomfortable short laugh.

“I worked out what meant the most to him”, Erwin says easily.

“And took it from him?”, Zeke asks.

“Circumstance took it from him”.

Zeke laughs at that, genuine and hearty. “You were just conveniently the only thing left?”

Levi sits up. It draws both their attention to him immediately. “You almost won hand to hand”.

Erwin gives him an incredulous look. “I was on the backfoot. You were used to sloppy MPs, I just got the jump on you”.

Zeke cups his head into his hand, rubs it over his face. “Sweet. Very sweet. I might go to bed”.

Levi stands. “I’ll take you”.

Zeke grimaces.

It’s the door down from where Levi and Erwin stayed last night. The walls are thin enough that Levi thinks he’d hear him make a runner. Outside the door Zeke turns back to him.

“Did you really enjoy that?”

“Having my hair stroked?”, Levi asks. “Yeah”.

“Fucking hell”, Zeke murmurs. “You adopt his horribly glib mannerisms”. He offers Levi a cigarette, Levi doesn’t take it. “So what? We will pretend what we had means nothing? That there was nothing between us”.

“There was nothing between us”, Levi snarls.

Zeke shakes his head, huffs. Levi slams him against the wall.

“This isn’t a game. This is no cat and mouse shit. I don’t pretend like I hate you, I actually fucking hate you. You were a quick and easy fuck, nothing more. Got it?”

They’re breathing the same air. Zeke is staring at him, the air between them suddenly electric. He watches Zeke’s eyes close, his head tilt down. Fucking hell. Levi smacks his head off the wall.

“Ow!”, Zeke yelps. “Got it. Got it”. He touches the back of his head, winces. “You have both made enough of a point”.

“Doesn’t seem like it”, Levi grits out, but he is too tired for anything else, really. He rubs his face, points at the door. “Just go inside”.

He can see on Zeke’s face the temptation of asking if Levi is following, but he pulls back at the right time. Good, because Levi would have hit him again.

“That confident I won’t run?”, he asks instead.

Levi shrugs. “I’d hear you. Thin walls. I am a light sleeper”.

Zeke snorts, shakes his head and opens the door to his room. “Well then, Captain. Thank you for such a lovely evening”. He steps closer for a second, makes Levi tense up. “You still looked like sin, even all sweet in his lap. A cute little pet”. He grins, steps away. “Goodnight, Levi”.

He closes the door behind him. Levi just stands there, stares at where Zeke just disappeared. He wants to kick the door down and punch Zeke straight in the face, slap him until he is spitting blood, choke him out until he is gasping for hair. His fingers are tingling with the desire to. But that’s what got him here in the first place, isn’t it? Physicality leads to more physicality, touch leads to more touch. He breathes in, heavy, steps away. He wonders if Zeke is waiting for him to follow him inside and take the bait.

He doesn’t, though. He goes to his room instead, curls up in the still unmade bed from earlier today. Normally he’d find it disgusting, but Erwin’s smell clinging to the sheets makes him feel like something is restored, finally. Even if he can hear Zeke’s steps across the wall.

Erwin finds him like that, when he finally leaves his office too. Eyes closed and ears strained and in an odd space in between sleep and complete awareness of what’s happening around him. It’s a weird dichotomy, Levi thinks. He has never really experienced anything similar.

When Erwin joins him in bed he starts stroking his hair again, soft. Levi makes a sound, half acknowledgement and half appreciation.

“I thought you’d leave”, Erwin admits, at some point. Levi grunts.

“Did you want me to?” He shuffles closer, Erwin’s arms around him. “I’d rather hear what you have to say about me”.

“No”, Erwin reassures him. “I wanted you to stay”.

“Mmh. Didn’t think you’d get so possessive”.

“I would like you to tell me, if I crossed any boundaries -”

Levi scoffs. “Bullshit”, he mutters. “You enjoy it. You enjoy that I let you touch me like that in front of him. You enjoy the things I let you say”.

Erwin hums. Levi can hear the smile on his face. “Mmh. I am quite transparent, aren’t I?”

“Because you want to be”, Levi says, eyes closed. “You want him to see”.

Erwin shifts, rolls over him, kisses under his jaw, at his neck. Levi’s breath deepens.

“I do”, Erwin says, voice low. He presses even closer.

“And now you want him to hear”, Levi breathes out, gasps when Erwin’s teeth scrape at his nipple.

“And what do you want, Levi?”

Levi wants - he wants - he doesn’t know. He wants to enjoy the weight of Erwin’s body over his, how he can feel him harden against him. There isn’t much more than that in his head right now. It feels like a ridiculous game to allow themselves to play when so much is at stake.

“Kiss me”, he murmurs.

Erwin closes the distance, presses him back into the pillows. He traces the contours of Erwin’s muscles, fingers under his shirt to push it off his shoulders. Erwin leaves lazy, warm kisses along his jaw. He strips Levi down, lays him on his chest so they kiss, skin to skin.

“I thought about this”, Levi admits.

“You did?” Erwin sounds appreciative. Levi did demand to know what he thought about earlier, he supposes, and he gave no answer himself.

“I like how you kiss me”.

Erwin smiles against his lips, tilts his head back slightly.

“You prefer it to the sex”, Erwin says, almost amused, but softer and warmer.

He does. He’s always enjoyed heavy petting. It’s probably pathetic, some hangup from never having a decent hug as a kid. Sex is always a means to an end. Levi’s never seen true affection in it. He thinks a lot about the perfunctory, wordless, sex they’d been having since that day in Shiganshina. Erwin probably knew it was punishment, realistically. It’s not like Levi didn’t deserve it. He’s just endlessly grateful that maybe they are past it. Even if it took six months of separation.

Erwin takes his cock in hand, strokes him slow and kisses him deep. Levi lets it wash over him, head to toe and when he comes, he lets Erwin kiss the sound out his mouth. It leaves him boneless and trembling, and leaves Erwin smiling and sated. He settles between Erwin’s legs, kisses the inside of his thigh, Erwin’s blunt nails on his scalp. The smell of him is so familiar, the weight of him in Levi’s mouth when he takes his cock. It’s not something he does regularly. Sometimes he gets an itch for it, though, something insatiable.

Erwin hisses between his teeth, head tipped back, throat on show. He never bucks, though, Levi has a strong grip on his hips. He likes the helpless little noises Erwin can’t seem to stop when he swallows him down, when he hollows his cheeks.

They are breathing as hard as each other after Erwin’s orgasm. Levi knows he’s flushed, wet-lipped and panting. Erwin just stares at him, this glistening look in his eyes like adoration.

“Do you think about after?”, Erwin asks him, once their breath has settled, once they are wrapped up in each other’s arms again.

“I barely think about tomorrow”, Levi says.

Erwin gives him a look, mildly disheartened.

“Zeke asked me the same”, he says, and looks at the patterns of the wood on the ceiling. “He said we could travel together; me and you”.

“Would you want to leave here?”, Erwin asks, gently. Asks it as though of the two of them Levi has more to lose.

“I don’t care to stay, particularly. Zeke said so; I’m like a weed, put me anywhere”.

“I don’t enjoy how much of what he says about you you take on” Erwin strokes his cupid bow. “I’d like to see this whole world with you. I really would”.

Levi ignores how tight his chest feels at that. “Deal, then. I’ll try not to die”.

Erwin huffs, his gaze softening. Levi can’t stand to look at him. He might do something stupid, like cry.

“And you better do the same, too”, he croaks. Erwin reaches forward, kisses his forehead.

“I will, Levi”, he says, and like this, wrapped in each other, it’s easy to believe him.

-

He wakes up the morning after to the sound of Zeke’s door opening. He is up in an instant, knife in hand and clothes thrown on half-hazardly. Erwin sits up straight next to him, immediately alert.

“Levi?”

“Zeke”, Levi mutters, and gets out in the corridor. Zeke has barely managed to take three steps away from his room before Levi is slamming him against the wall.

“What did I fucking say?”, he snarls, his forearm to Zeke’s throat. “Did you think I couldn’t hear?”

Zeke is coughing, weak, trying to get Levi’s arm away from him. Levi’s heart is beating too loud in his chest as he scans Zeke’s body, tries to look for a weapon and finds none. He lets Zeke go, suddenly, lets him fall to his knees on the floor.

“Fuck -” Zeke weezes, bent over himself. “It’s always the same with you, isn’t it?”

“I warned you”, Levi tells him, terse. “Where the fuck were you going?”

“I couldn’t sleep, alright?”, Zeke gets out, looks up at him through his glasses. He suddenly looks quite young. “It’s so fucking silent on this island. I wanted a cigarette”.

Levi’s eyes narrow. Zeke is still in his pijamas, cigarette behind his ear. There are no weapons on him; he is not even wearing shoes. Still.

“I am meant to believe you - what? Were trying to be civil and not smoke indoors? Fuck off”.

Zeke pulls himself up to his feet, looks away, suddenly squirmish. Well, this is new, Levi thinks. He doesn’t really hate it.

“I like the air here”.

Levi’s brows lift.

“What?”

“The air”, Zeke enunciates, jaw tight. “Might be the only good thing about this wretched place”.

The air is nice here, it’s true. Marley was suffocating, even the sky never looked right, the colours too intense, nothing like Levi had ever seen. Zeke is still not looking at him, gives him only a quick glance.

“If you are done with the beating, Captain, I am going to go back -”

“Let’s go”, he says, starts walking down the corridor. Zeke blinks at him, takes a moment to folllow.

“Where -”

“You wanted to smoke, no?”, Levi asks, impatient. “You wanted the air. So let’s go. It’s morning anyway, I am not going back to sleep”.

“How kind”, Zeke comments, terse, but Levi can tell he is actually surprised.

Outside the sky is just beginning to tinge pink. Levi has always liked this time of the day; just before everything starts getting in motion again. He normally wakes up naturally at this time. His body might still be recovering, although he feels much more rested now, less like a gust of wind might blow him over. Not even the smell of smoke next to him when Zeke lights his cigarette bothers him.

“I didn’t think you’d jump out of bed that quickly”, Zeke admits after a while. Levi snorts.

“Run all those tests, and you underestimate me like that?”

Zeke smiles. “Love weakens the strongest men. Thought you would be too doe-eyed to notice me gone”.

Levi sighs against the way his lip quirks. Zeke notices, steps a little closer, so their shoulders are almost brushing.

“Crazy of you to come out here with me, though”, Zeke continues, he sinks down to a crouch, squints up at Levi. “You’re not in all your gear. I could transform and crush you in my palm”.

“I could have run any day I was in Marley, killed you in your sleep”, Levi says simply. “And I didn’t”.

“Do you think I’m a man of my word?”, Zeke asks mildly.

No. He really isn’t, Levi knows that rationally. He sits too. The grass is a little damp, cold with morning condescension. It’s sitting across the fields still in the distance, like a fog, or a spider's web.

“I think you’re like me”, Levi says. “You know a good deal”.

Zeke shutters a response of his face at that. “I’d offer you a cigarette but I’m realising I’ll have to start rationing”. He offers his half smoked one. Levi takes it, inhales deep, and ignores how pleased Zeke looks. “Do you not like to do it in front of your Commander?”

“Our Commander, no?”, Levi asks, eyes limpid. Zeke laughs at that, gives him a wink and takes the cigarette back. “I just do things when I want to, Zeke. It’s not complicated”.

“Wow”, Zeke smiles, looks in awe. “It must be beautiful to live so simply. These people call you a hero. I lived in the walls for a bit, I read the news, you were practically legendary. Do you have any hopes and dreams for them all? I know you barely have any for yourself”.

Sometimes he feels so much for them all, so intense and deep and overwhelming, and when he tries to find the words for what he would want to do, or how he would begin to help, he finds they just don’t exist. Humanity is a vast thing now, it’s not contained to three walls, it sprawls endlessly and everywhere it goes it eats itself soulless.

“I suppose”, Zeke says softly, when Levi doesn’t answer. “You have experienced a lot of suffering”.

“So have you”, Levi shrugs. Zeke tenses a little beside him.

“Well”. He scratches his beard, clears his throat. “Different kind. I always had food, and a roof. I meant, in some way, you must resent them”.

“Resent who?”, Levi asks. “I don’t play that game. It’s pointless. That’s a real mire, I could resent everyone, if I wanted to. I have starved, Zeke, really starved and you know what I realised?”

Zeke is smiling at him, just watching him talk.

“It takes a lot of energy to hate”, he says. “And if I find myself able, then I know I must be doing alright, and use that energy for something of value”.

“You’re really very kind, Levi”, he murmurs. “Under it all, aren’t you? But you told me you hate me last night. I must be worthy of a lot of your energy”. He smiles, a little self-satisfied.

Levi smiles, downwards, crooked. “I suppose”.

They are still looking at each other when the door behind him opens, suddenly. It makes Levi jump slightly, gaze swerving to where Erwin is coming out of the building.

“Commander”, Zeke salutes, lazily, takes another drag of his cigarette. Suddenly Levi realises how close to each other they are actually sitting, legs brushing.

Erwin is staring at them, gaze inscrutable. He is in his uniform, already, hair swept back, prim and pristine. He tilts his head in acknowledgement a Zeke.

“I take it you were not trying to make a run for it?”

“I was getting bored in that room by myself”, Zeke says. “You are not a very gracious host, Commander. All those noises”.

Levi refuses to let himself be embarrassed. Erwin is looking far too pleased. Levi should really stop allowing him to - to - show him off like this, maybe, he doesn’t know how to name whatever it is they are doing.

“Don’t strain your ears, Zeke”, Erwin says, walks past them, fingers trailing across Levi’s shoulders for a moment. “I trust I will see you later. Levi, we are leaving for the woods tomorrow. Get a few more soldiers on your squad”.

They both watch him go, back straight and strides long across the field. Zeke stretches next to him, shuffles slightly.

“I don’t like camping very much”, he comments. Levi sighs.

“Tough luck, this is not a hotel stay”.

Zeke grins at him. “Look at you, using Marleyan words and all. So you have learned something”. He bumps their shoulders together. “Can’t say I am excited to see you in your gear, Captain. Quite traumatising memories there”.

Levi hums. “You will just have to behave, then, won’t you?”

Zeke’s eyes are sparkling when he looks at him.

“You know me, Captain. Would do anything to please you”.

And for a moment he even manages to sound sincere.

-

They leave in the early hours of the morning. Levi watches Erwin give detailed instructions to the men they are leaving behind while he waits on his horse. Zeke is in a carriage, not allowed to ride on his own. I’ll keep him company, Erwin had said, with a smile that had made Levi squirm. The thought of the two of them together without him still makes him uncomfortable.

They are not leaving with many soldiers, but they don’t need them. Truly, Levi could do this on his own, could definitely do this without Erwin too. He is not blind to the fact that Erwin coming with them is strategically a terrible idea, and he is not sure he believes Erwin’s insistence to be the only one to plan with Zeke. It irks him, even if keeping Erwin close by sates some kind of anxiety inside him, like a guard dog knowing he is doing a good job.

Sometimes he catches them talking, their smiles warm - or at least affected that way - their gaze sliding his way like a joke Levi’s not privy to. He fucking hates it.

“Do you wonder what we talk about?”, Zeke asks. It’s a sunny afternoon, and the birds are chirping. Zeke has convinced him to play catch, and Levi honestly doesn’t mind the easy monotony of repetition. They might have that in common. It doesn’t really feel like war is impending here, in these quiet sun soaked afternoons but Levi can feel his arm hairs rise when he gives too much thought to their whole situation.

The ball lands in a perfect arc in Levi’s open palm. Zeke has a good throwing arm. Though Levi knew that already.

“Not really”, Levi says, throws it back.

“It’s nothing salacious”, Zeke promises. “Mostly just the -”

“I said I didn’t care”, Levi snaps.

Zeke gives him a look, his throw makes his voice pitch with exertion. “You must care a little, or you wouldn’t be annoyed”.

“Everything annoys me a little”, Levi says, has to step back to catch the ball.

“Even Erwin?”

First name terms. Fucking excellent. This time the ball hits Zeke square in the chest, has a spin on it.

“Ow”, Zeke says.

“Especially Erwin”, Levi says. “We do argue”.

Zeke’s brows raise. “Really? Does he just - kiss your hair and stroke your cheek and you forgive him?”

Yes, mostly. Zeke smiles at his lack of response.

“Things were frigid between you both when we first met, I thought. I thought maybe he was cruel to you. Made me quite happy to think you were in some miserable soul bond”. He throws long again, makes Levi run for it.

“You saved our relationship”, Levi snips. “Really put it into perspective for me”.

Zeke laughs at that, jaw dropped. “The sex wasn’t that bad”.

Levi crosses the clearing towards him, drops the ball back into his palm. “Sure”.

“Wait, are we not playing anymore?”, Zeke asks, and turns to chase him when Levi walks past him. “Y’know, I didn’t even believe much in that Ackerman stuff until I saw you two together. He makes it all very believable”. He brushes their shoulders.

It’s a game to him, Levi wants to snarl and has to bite his tongue. Sometimes he watches them together and feels bad for Zeke. He doesn’t know what to make of that. It’s sickening, given everything.

Zeke catches his wrist, Levi turns on his heel.

“What?”, he snarls, pulls it back.

“Thank you”, Zeke says, and his smile is unsettingly genuine. Levi ignores how his chest tightens. “That was fun, really. We should play again”.

“Fine. Yeah”, he grits. “It was”.

Later, once the sun has set, nothing but cicadas and lamp light and the darkness of the forest, Levi feels something in him come to a boiling point.

“What’s the game plan here?”

Erwin looks up. It’s rare that they are alone, now. Either one of them is usually with Zeke. Tonight he blessedly fell asleep right after dinner. Levi can hear his soft snores from the other tent.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean”, Levi feels his lip curl, frustration cresting through him. “He thinks I’m your little lapdog. We just played fucking fetch all afternoon and -”

“Lower your voice”, Erwin says, but he’s still smiling, soft. “Please”.

Levi shakes his head. “He treats me like that because he sees you treating me like that”.

“Do you want me to stop?”, Erwin asks, eyes glacial. Levi’s jaw works. “If so, then you should just tell me, Levi”.

Levi scoffs. He runs a hand through his hair, fingers catching at the roots. “That’s not the point”.

“Maybe not”, Erwin says calmly, “but you brought it up”.

Levi looks away, jaw flexing. “He thinks he’s in on something. And you let him think it”.

There’s a long beat. Paper rustles somewhere from a breeze under the tent flap. The cicadas are so loud, Levi thinks he could be screaming and Zeke still wouldn’t hear them.

“Is he wrong?”, Erwin asks, finally.

Levi’s head snaps back toward him, eyes flaring. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Erwin’s voice stays maddeningly mild. “I mean you don’t seem to mind the attention”.

Levi takes a step forward, teeth grit. “I don’t seem to mind? You are one to talk”, he scoffs. “I thought all the shit you pulled at the camp was enough. But you’re enjoying this more and more. You fucking love it”.

Erwin tilts his head, then nods, slow and deliberate. “A little. I’ll admit it”. He stands, movements unhurried, steps closer so his height forces Levi to look up, their bodies too close now. “You hate how he looks at you”, he says, voice pitched low, almost fond. “But you hate it more when I let him without looking at you too”.

Levi doesn’t respond. His breath comes short. He doesn’t know what to say that wouldn’t betray how true that is.

Erwin leans in, just enough for Levi to feel the heat of him. “Do you want me to stop treating you like mine?”

The words hang heavy between them. Levi’s fists clench, nails digging into his palms.

“You treat me like that for him”, he grits. “So he sees it. You want him to think -”

“I want him to understand”, Erwin cuts in, voice sharp now, low and clipped. “What he can’t have. What he -”

Levi glares. “What he could? Stop the crap, Erwin. I told you, you are transparent”.

Erwin smiles, slow and unhurried. “Maybe. If he behaves”.

Levi’s head is spinning, something coiling hot and heavy inside him. “You’re sick”.

“You don’t seem to mind playing along”, Erwin says. “You’ve been warmer with him”.

“Because I am not stabbing him every other hour?”, Levi snarls. “Fuck off, do you want me to do that?”

“No”. Erwin finally reaches out, brushes hair away from Levi’s face, his thumb grazing his temple in a way that feels too soft for the words they’re saying. “I didn’t say that. I think you have been behaving quite well, really”.

Levi’s breath stutters.

“Quite well”, he repeats. “You want me to fuck him?”

Erwin’s brows lift faintly, like he’s amused by the bluntness but not surprised. “Perhaps. Or maybe I only want him to watch”.

“I told you it wasn’t like that. I didn’t fuck him as a power play”.

“I’m not saying you did. I am saying I would”.

The statement makes Levi shiver, hits him like a slap. The silence between them this time is thicker. He looks at Erwin, really looks - at his calm confidence, the smugness just beneath the surface, the maddening control. He should hit him. He should walk away. Instead, he takes a breath through his nose, chest tight.

“I don’t want him”, he says finally, quiet but firm.

Erwin nods. “Good. You don’t have to. He wants you, anyway”.

Levi’s cheeks feel warm, his breath short in his nose.

“So what I want doesn’t matter?”

“I didn’t say that”, Erwin says, cups his cheek only for a moment before Levi slaps his hand away. “What you want matters greatly to me”.

Levi squeezes his eyes shut, laughs mirthlessly. “I just thought we were past this”

“Past what?”, Erwin asks.

“Fucking -” Levi tries not to let his voice get too harsh. “Obsession. You. You get these little - little projects and you just can’t help yourself. He and I are one for you and you know, Erwin, he might be endlessly jealous of you, but you are not much better either. And not because he fucked me. God, you couldn’t give a damn about that: he’s seen the world. He’s travelled, and he’s cultured, and he’s charming -”

“Well, I’m a little jealous of your feelings now -”, Erwin says, with a downturned smile.

“Shut up”, Levi snarls. “I don’t find it impressive. You do. And I know you look at him and you can’t understand his bitterness and existentialism, because he’s seen all the things your father -”

Erwin takes a step back, a little wide eyed. “Careful”.

Levi swallows. “I’m sorry”.

There is a burnt, far too young look in Erwin’s eyes. Levi feels a little nauseous at causing it. He works his jaw, shakes out his fist like he threw a punch.

“I’m sorry”, he says again. “He gets under my skin”.

“He does, doesn’t he?”, Erwin asks, smile tight.

“You get in my head”, Levi mutters, he puts a hand to his face, scrubs his face. “I just -” He looks at Erwin. “I don’t need to know your plan. Just promise me you know what you are doing. I can’t - fuck him for gain, I can’t. You can comment on the circumstances of my childhood too, if you want”.

“I wouldn’t”, Erwin says, soft.

“Yeah, you’re nicer than me”, Levi grits. There is a long, breathless pause between them. “Sometimes I feel bad for him, when I watch him with you”, Levi admits.

“Shall I be kinder?” Erwin busies himself. “You are more forgiving than you give yourself credit for, Levi. Unfortunately, I’m not. I have the pleasure of reading over all the words they wrote about you, and all the things they planned to do, and I see his name attached to it all. So, yes, I enjoy showing him you are mine. Forgive me, that”.

“Oh, you’re defending my honour”, Levi huffs.

Erwin smiles, a bitter thing. “We both know you don’t need defending, Levi. I am just not honourable enough to let that go”.

The quiet that follows is heavy and strange. The lantern’s glow flickers low and warm. Levi can still hear Zeke’s breathing from the other tent. He is so attuned to it, to Zeke in general, it’s starting to get on his nerves.

“You don’t have to be kinder”, Levi says suddenly, and it comes out sharper than he means.

Erwin’s brow rises. “Is that permission?”

“It’s not anything”, Levi mutters, brushes his hair behind his ear. “He’s not some orphaned dog sniffing around the campfire. I just -” He stops. “Don’t give him more than he can run with”.

“You think I’m that reckless?”, Erwin asks, gaze sharp. “When it comes to you?”

Levi’s jaw ticks. He turns just enough so Erwin can see the line of his mouth, how tightly it’s drawn. “Maybe I do”. His voice is bitter, he can hear it himself. He hates it. “You are dangling me like bait. Even after all -”

Erwin stills, eyes narrowing. “After all?”

“You left me there”, Levi blurts.

The words hang in the space between them. Erwin’s mouth parts slightly, but he doesn’t speak right away. He steps closer, careful, his gaze never leaving his face.

“I did”. Erwin finally moves, cups his cheek again. His hand caresses him slowly, curling at the base of Levi’s throat, thumb brushing just under his jaw, just enough pressure to hold his attention. His gaze burns into Levi’s, unflinching. “I gave him the wrong impression, didn’t I? I let him think he could borrow you -”

Levi looks up at him, sharp “You want to own me now because you had to let me go?”

“Yes”, Erwin says, and his voice doesn’t falter, his gaze remains fixed on him. His thumb presses on the hollow of Levi’s throat, his other fingers spread across his collarbone. “I do”.

Levi breathes in, sharp, nostrils flaring and eyes squeezing shut. His jaw is too tight, his hands curling at his sides. Fuck this, he thinks. He should pull away. He is not a fucking dog. He is not -

“Right there”, Erwin says, voice lower now. “That”.

Levi’s mouth tightens.

“You want it”, Erwin continues, enunciates it low and calm. “Even if it disgusts you. Even if you’ll bite through your tongue before you ever say it out loud, even if you don’t want Zeke at all”.

Levi swallows. His jaw clenches. He stares at the ceiling, as if it’ll help.

“You don’t hate it”, Erwin says, leaning in, his breath ghosting across Levi’s ear. “You hate how much it turns you on”.

Levi doesn’t speak. His throat works once, twice. He turns his head just slightly, like he might respond, ends up leaning into Erwin’s grip instead.

“There it is again”, Erwin murmurs, voice full of something dark and satisfied. “You really are terrible at pretending you don’t like being mine”.

He’s breathing harder now, he knows, deeper. If the air was colder you would see it puff in short clouds. Erwin’s gazing at him, Levi feels dizzy with the intensity of it.

“I’m yours”, Levi whispers. “You know that. It’s always whether I’m yours, never if you are mine”.

Erwin chuffs, a soft laugh. “Respectfully, Levi. I’m not the one who slept with the man who put a hole through me. So I’ve never questioned it much”.

He baulks, something white hot and shameful coursing through him. When he bucks back, Erwin’s grip holds fast on him.

“Do you -” He searches Erwin’s gaze desperately. “You don’t -”

But Erwin’s smiling, fond and playful, in the lamplight his eyes glitter like the sea at sunset.

“Fuck”, Levi breathes, almost euphoric with relief, it makes him smile, unguarded. “That’s not funny. Don’t do that”.

Erwin ducks down, kisses him. Levi pushes once at his chest, feels a thrill when Erwin just takes his wrist in his grip. He’s stronger now, not that he was ever weak, but there is a power under his skin Levi is aware of, hot and electric. He flexes his forearm once, and feels the grip tighten. It makes Levi groan, just a little, soft.

“See?”, Erwin murmurs, puts no distance between them, kisses the words into his mouth. He squeezes. “You like it. You’d let me if he was here too -” Levi trembles, tellingly. “If you were more honest with yourself, Levi, this wouldn’t be so bad for any of us”.

“We are -” God, he feels delirious. “About to go to war - shouldn’t we -”

“Enjoy the privilege of inanity while we can? Absolutely”, Erwin murmurs against his throat. Levi shudders.

“Bullshit. You never do anything without a reason”. Erwin tilts his chin up, index finger where the skin is softest, like the pressure of a blade.

“Don’t I?”, he muses, and then, with all the promise and hope of a man who has stolen countless hearts, he leans forward. “Levi, nothing in this game I am playing with Zeke will hurt you. Do you trust me on that?”

And Levi knows he’s a fucking charlatan, and has seen where his hope and his promise leads, and still, he nods. Erwin puts an inch of pressure on his bottom lip with his thumb and Levi sinks to his knees. Erwin smiles at that, far too pleased. Levi bites at his thumb, warningly. Erwin is not wrong, that’s the worst part, and Levi had countless indulgent and addictive fantasies far from home about Erwin being just like this.

Erwin watches him from above, quiet for once. Not smug, just silent, letting the weight of the moment settle between them. His thumb stays at Levi’s mouth, daring, pressing. Levi could pull back. He could stand and sneer and say something cutting enough to make Erwin retreat.

But instead he opens his mouth, just slightly, lips parting around the pad of Erwin’s thumb, sucks him in. Erwin exhales, long and slow. “You make it very hard to be decent”, he says softly.

“Then don’t be”, Levi answers, and shivers at the sound of his own voice, rasped and hungry.

It makes something inside Erwin snap. He hauls Levi up fast, hand fisted in the back of his shirt, kisses him hard and fast, teeth scraping. Levi bites at Erwin’s bottom lip. Erwin laughs into it, grabs his jaw like he wants to shake the truth out of him.

“Don’t get mean now”, Erwin mutters.

“Do something about it”, Levi snaps, and groans when Erwin puts his hands under Levi’s shirt, dragging it over his head, pushing him on the small cot in their tent.

They end up barely undressing, clothes rucked up and shoved aside. It’s mean in the way hunger is mean, greedy and demanding. Erwin’s mouth is everywhere; his neck, his chest, his ribs, the inside of his thighs. Levi claws at his back until Erwin pushes him off, turns him around and presses his hard cock against him while Levi is panting on his hands and knees, head hanging low. It’s hard and fast and too loud, Erwin grunting above him, and for once Levi lets himself think about Zeke hearing, about him waking up to this. He moans louder at the thought, falls to his elbows as Erwin drives into him, pushes his fingers inside his mouth to keep the noise coming.

“That’s it, Levi”, he pants above him. “Louder, come on. Louder, sweetheart”.

Levi trembles under him, eyes squeezing shut. He can’t bring himself to obey but he doesn’t push Erwin off either, doesn’t calm his breathing or the sounds he is already making. Erwin bites a mark into his neck, harsh enough it makes Levi cry out, toes curling. The pain lances through his shoulder, radiating at the point where Erwin’s teeth sink in and his mouth breaks blood vessels.

Levi can feel sweat at his temples, can feel it where their bodies meet. Erwin’s hands are bracketing his hips, pushing and pulling, controlling the force and speed of their fucking. It’s fast, almost too fast. Eventually Levi has to give into it, chest on the bed and thighs shaking, he can only take it.

“Fuck -”, he gasps, eyes squeezed shut. “Erwin -”

And saying it still feels precious, still feels novel to let it fall out his mouth unguarded and warm. Suddenly he just feels stupidly in love. What a thing to be furious about, he thinks. What is he protecting himself from anymore? Will he look back once their thirteen years are up and be grateful he never let himself feel fully. He can’t find a reason, now, with Erwin inside him, why he’d ever be ashamed of this. He spent weeks wanting Zeke to see it, seething over his comments and his comparisons, hissing how he didn’t know a thing. He could show him now, he could show him all of it, show how little of himself he gave away and how much Erwin owns.

It doesn’t have to serve anything. Maybe Zeke was right, he is just a hedonist. Maybe Erwin always knew that.

He tips his head up, as Erwin presses closer, lets him at the other side of his neck too. His arms come around Levi’s front, one over his chest and the other between his legs. He lets Levi fuck into his fist. Levi tilts his head back, brings their lips together desperately. It makes his body strain, twisted around and balanced on his elbow, fucked so deep and so fast he’s making his breath come out in hiccuped gasps. Erwin kisses him filthy, it’s a type of kiss Levi would usually despise until he’s like this; all tongue and not much else, lapped over his lips, drool on his chin, complete abandon.

He comes in a rush, a noise he would have tamped pulled from his guts, he’s helpless against. The blood in his ears is loud, his pulse hammering against his throat. He twitches through it, as Erwin spills inside him, mouths still connected.

“Fuck”, Levi breathes, and his legs don’t feel like they quite work, so he just has to lie still as Erwin pulls out and holds him close. Their is sweat drying on his skin, and he tries not to think about how he’s in the middle of a fucking forest. He’s feeling well fucked enough that a haze is over him. He doesn’t want to break it.

Erwin is kissing at the marks he left, his arms tight around Levi’s middle, he separates only to pull covers over them.

“Zeke asked me today if you just stroke my hair whenever we fall out and I forgive you”.

A moth bounces against the lamp over and over. Levi turns it out, casts them into an oppressive dark. The forest is quiet at night. The trees are too tall. It unsettles Levi a little but here, now, he just feels warm.

“You do most of the time”, Erwin muses. “Sometimes you get inside your own head”.

“I get inside my own head”, Levi snorts. “Sure”.

Erwin smiles, soft, nuzzles at his side. Levi lets him do, even if he feels fucking disgusting, sticky with sweat and come, still wearing his clothes. Erwin licks at the sweat of his neck, licks where he left his marks.

“Well, I just took you out of it, did I not?”

“Don’t be so fucking smug”, Levi grumbles, but there is no heat behind it. He lets Erwin pull him closer, arms around his middle. His eyes close, suddenly heavy. Erwin is pressing soft kisses at his shoulder, behind the shell of his ear, his neck. It’s sending little shivers of pleasure down his spine. “You just tire me out”.

Erwin makes a self-satisfied noise behind him. Levi should elbow him in the guts, really.

“I trust you”, he murmurs, eyes closed. It’s easy to say in Erwin’s arms. “Just - I don’t want to give him anything more than what I have already given”.

Erwin kisses his nape, presses his forehead against him.

“Anything you give, Levi”, he says, soft, “is always yours to give”.

Levi doesn’t answer, just squeezes Erwin’s arms where it’s around him. He is too tired to say anything back, so he lets sleep take over him instead.

-

The morning after he wakes up looking mauled. His neck is purple, vessels burst. Levi hisses when he presses a finger against the bruises, ignores Erwin’s smile when he hears it.

Zeke spots them immediately, of course.

“I thought you were the one with the biting streak”, he tells Levi, eyebrows raised. Erwin has still not come out of the tent.

“Not with him”, Levi says, casual, and maybe yesterday he would have had a sarcastic quip to give back but today he just feels like telling the truth. Zeke’s eyebrows raise even higher.

“This is new, Captain”, he comments. “Was expecting you to spit at me”.

Levi shrugs. “Can still do that”.

But he doesn’t. He trains with his squad instead, puts his collar up when dealing with them. Erwin’s gaze is on him the whole time as they go through motions, twists and jumps and flying across the trees. He missed ODM, Levi thinks, there is nothing quite like it. He doesn’t let himself waste gas but he can’t help but try some of his most difficult moves regardless. When he comes down Zeke is staring at him with his mouth open.

“What?”, Levi asks. Zeke bites his lip, looks away.

“Didn’t take you for a show off”, he says. “Guess I should have known better”.

Show off. How fitting, Levi thinks. Maybe Zeke truly reads him better than he thought.

“You’re a little flushed”, Zeke smiles and tilts his head, re-evaluates. “Windswept. You look pretty in your element. Missed that detail when I was - about to die”.

Levi shrugs. He does feel windswept, he enjoys the sensation, like stretching a well toned muscle you haven’t used in a while.

“You cut through the air like a knife to butter”, Zeke says. “You make it look easier than breathing”.

“It isn’t”, Levi says.

“I know”, Zeke promises. “I’ve caught a lot of your friends out the air”.

Levi gives him a level look. They are alone, he sent his squad on break, and the sun is still high.

“Want a go?”

Zeke gives him an incredulous look. “Not really”.

“Scared?”, Levi asks.

“I’m not five foot and feather-light soaking wet”, Zeke says. “So I’d -”

“Erwin’s decent with ODM”, Levi shrugs. “I’m not good ‘cos I’m small”.

“I suppose decent is extremely high praise from you”, Zeke says tightly. “And that won’t work, by the way, I won’t be goaded”.

“I played catch with you”, Levi pouts. Zeke’s gaze falls to his lips.

“That’s not a fair comparison”, Zeke steps forward, taps Levi on the nose. “You shouldn’t teach your enemy to use your technology”.

“I thought we were allies”, Levi cocks his head. “And you’d be hopeless, so I’m not that concerned”.

Zeke laughs, shakes his head like Levi is ridiculous. He points upwards. “Go. Do something impressive again. Maybe I’ll feel compelled to join you”.

Levi shows off in earnest. He doesn’t even know what makes him do it. Erwin’s put him in a far too good mood. Zeke’s eyes are glistening a little, he whistles, claps once.

“I’m not doing that”, he says, with a smile but he steps forward, feels the weight of the canisters at Levi’s thighs. “They’re heavy”.

“They are”, Levi agrees. Zeke circles him, intrigued, his hand hovers over Levi’s. Levi opens his palm, lets him take the hand grips. Zeke threads his fingers into the triggers, presses just enough to hear the mechanism. Levi puts a finger by his. “Top ones for the anchor, bottom ones for gas”.

“Do you not get motion sick?”, he asks, his voice is by his ear now. It makes the hairs raise a little, the skin prickle. “How do you control direction so well? I’m guessing there is a way to control the gas too”.

“Cadets do”, Levi says. “And there is a slider for direction, and gas. You’re full of questions”. He tilts his head up, Zeke looks down.

“Well, my last conversation was less productive”, he says, warm and soft, conversational.

Levi goes cold. “With my dead friend”.

Zeke stills. His hands retreat slowly from the gear, held up like he’s not sure if Levi’s going to strike him. He probably should.

“Right”, Zeke says, after a beat, voice quiet. “Didn’t mean it quite like that”.

Levi’s jaw works, tight and silent. He feels the burn creep up his spine. He doesn’t lash out, though. Just exhales, slow and sharp, and turns his head away.

“Didn’t mean it doesn’t bring them back”, he says flatly.

“I know”, Zeke says, and for once, he doesn’t offer more. It’s better this way. Honest. Ugly. Not smoothed over.

Erwin steps out of the tent a little while later, clean and calm, shirt rolled up to the elbows and sleeves glinting in the light. Levi is sitting under a tree, sharpening his blades. He can tell it’s putting Zeke on edge, even if he is trying to remain focused on whatever Paradisian history book Erwin is entertaining him with currently. It’s quite a nice feeling, to have him so twitchy, nervous and flushed, eyes skittering to Levi constantly.

Erwin’s hand brushes the top of his head when he reaches them, stays there for a moment too long.

“There’s a river”, he says, to no one in particular. “Past the east ridge. Fast-moving, clean. Should be good for a swim”.

He’s already looking at Levi. Not a question. Levi bites the inside of his cheek. His neck is throbbing where it’s bruised.

Zeke squints toward the sun. “A swim?”

Erwin doesn’t look at him. “It’s warm. Some of the men have gone yesterday, came back within a couple of hours. It’d be good to cool down today”.

Levi exhales through his nose. He knows this pattern. Knows this kind of maneuver, where Erwin lays the scene and then leans back to let the game play itself.

He nods once. “I’ll go”.

Zeke’s grin is in between bitter and victorious. Levi wonders how much of this game he has caught on to.

“Then I guess I will too, won’t I?” He stands, stretches out and looks over his shoulder. “Coming too, Commander?”

“Paperwork, unfortunately”, Erwin says. “Maybe later”.

Zeke smiles, civil.

It is warm, not that inescapable humidity he felt in Marley, just warm. There is still a breeze. He knows where the stream is. There were expeditions where they’d camp nearby - if they made it to nightfall - and Levi would wash blood off his face in the river. He remembers that god awful mission to retake Maria, and there hadn’t been enough horses, far less enough swords, and they were just civilians, untrained and terrified. They’d gotten about this far, and Erwin had found him, while thousands screamed below and held his shoulders tight enough to bruise; we can’t save them, Levi. So they’d sat shoulder to shoulder, wide eyed and shaking, and the screams got quieter as they hid in the trees. In the night, when it was almost silent, Levi had tried to wash the blood out from his fingernails but the water had been red too.

It’s not now. It’s crystal clear. There are flowers in bloom and brambles with fat blackberries on them, bees and birds singing. Everything that vivid, summer green. Levi blinks back to himself, watches Zeke watch him. They both strip down, Zeke discards clothes in a messy pile on a sun warm rock and takes a step into the water, hisses.

“Cold”, he mutters.

Levi follows, though makes less of a complaint. It’s nice on his muscles, and good against the heat. He cups the water, wets his face and hair. Levi swims out, until his feet can’t touch the ground. Zeke follows, and then smiles, a little gleeful.

“Are you treading water?” It only comes to his shoulders. “Hold onto me if you need”.

Levi gives him a level, unimpressed look. The time passes, as time does, and his limbs brush Zeke’s underwater and they talk about inane things. Levi gets out before him, lays where the sun is to dry himself. He cracks an eye open when the water sloshes, and Zeke stands above him before dropping to sit beside him. He knows Zeke is staring.

“What?”, Levi asks, and stretches out.

“I -”, Zeke begins, his voice is soft, considering. “This is enough for you, isn’t it? Not - forever - just this, now, and you don’t care it will end, or that it’s meaningless”

.

Levi frowns. “Everything ends”.

“No, I know”, Zeke says, and he sounds frustrated. “But even in Marley, I watched you demand to live. You have only ever suffered, Levi, and lost, again and again”.

Levi swallows. “I know”.

“The world is a horrible place, but you want it, even though it hurts you, for this -” He motions. “For an afternoon in the sun, or a -”

“Would I not be horribly selfish, Zeke?”, he asks. “If I wallowed in the life I was able to live?”

Zeke just stares at him, blinks, wide and uncertain.

For a moment, neither of them speaks. The breeze is drying his hair, the heat is making him feel like a lizard. Levi tilts his head toward the sun, closes his eyes. He can feel Zeke's gaze on him, though it doesn’t feel unwelcome, just there - resting, waiting.

When Levi opens his eyes again, Zeke is still watching. Not in the calculating way he’d come to know from Marley. It’s like he’s trying to memorize this, like he’s afraid it won’t last. Not for the first time Levi is reminded of how young he actually is.

“You’re not selfish, though”, Zeke says finally, and his voice has gone a bit hoarse. “I think you’re -” He cuts himself off, scrubs a hand through his damp hair, then looks down at Levi again, really looks. “You surprise me.”

Levi huffs. “Good”.

Zeke chuckles, quiet and almost fond, and Levi sees it coming before he even moves, sees it in the look in his eyes, and doesn’t pull away when Zeke leans down and presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

Levi doesn't pull away. He turns his head just slightly and lets himself meet Zeke properly, mouth soft and open. They have never kissed like this in Marley. It feels like something is loosening between them, soft and sweeter than whatever was there before. It makes Levi’s breath stutter against him a little.

When they part, Zeke lingers, forehead almost resting against Levi’s. Levi doesn’t move. The sun is warm and his body aches, but it’s the good kind, the kind that comes after swimming and sunlight and not thinking too hard. This is not unpleasant, and Zeke is right. He’ll take what he can, he’ll take this.

Zeke breathes out after a while, exhales shakily. “You were right, before”, he says. “Everything ends. Mabe all of this suffering will end too. Maybe it won’t. But I think - if you can’t stop the suffering, you could at least stop the people. That’s mercy, isn’t it?”

Levi’s eyes open, though his body stays relaxed. “That sounds like something a murderer says when he’s trying to feel better about it”.

Zeke laughs, breathless. “Yeah. I know”. He moves away slightly, looks away. Levi props himself up on his elbows. “Just - if I could just make sure no one else would ever be born into this, then maybe that would be... kind”.

Levi shifts slightly, looks at him. Zeke is not meeting his gaze. “You’re talking like someone who’s already made a choice”.

Zeke’s mouth twitches. “Maybe I have”.

Levi wants to press on. He knows a half-truth when he hears one, knows when someone’s trying to tell him something sideways. But Zeke’s jaw is tight, now, his hand curled around blades of grass. If they kept at this, Levi thinks, and feels something cold wash over him, if they really kept at this. Would Zeke answer, if he asked?

Zeke turns his head, looks at him, more open than he’s ever been. “Sometimes I think you’re the only person who could understand”.

“Understand what?”, Levi asks.

But Zeke just smiles, faint and crooked, blinks himself back to his usual demeanour and laughs awkwardly. “Nothing. Let’s not talk. Let me kiss you again, Captain. This is the sweetest I have ever seen you. Did the Commander fuck you that good, last night?”

Yes, Levi thinks. He sighs instead. “You’re exhausting”.

Zeke kisses him again, just a peck on the lips. It makes Levi smile a little, how stupidly gentle he wants to be. Zeke strokes the skin under his eye, looks down at him.

“He makes this whole horror show just a bit more bearable for you, doesn’t he?” He’s smiling softly, like he’s trying to understand something.

“I suppose”, Levi whispers. He doesn’t think much about it.

Zeke kisses his neck, Levi lets his arms drop around his back. Zeke doesn’t kiss any further, just presses his ear to Levi’s chest. Levi pushes his weight onto his elbows, looks down at him.

“Does it make it all worth it?”, Zeke murmurs. Levi’s fingers stroke his curls, thick and blonde, a little dark from the river water but drying golden in the sun. It’s just something to do with his hands.

“I don’t know what you mean by worth”, Levi answers. “And I was born, and so were you, and we’re inescapably in the here and now”.

Zeke kisses him for that, like a reward. He tastes the word; “Inescapable. I suppose. Does the warmth of non- existence not call to you, Levi? Of all people, you deserve it”.

Levi is not afraid of death, but he’s never found himself begging for it either. Death is not what Zeke means though. He thinks of never having crippling hunger pains, of not knowing the rotting stench of his own mother’s corpse, of never having found Farlan and Isabel and learning what loss really tastes like, of meeting Erwin and beginning to know all the contradiction and the confusion of life beyond survival.

“Would you wish your life on anyone else?”

Levi shakes his head. No, he wouldn’t, of course he wouldn’t but he still - he still wants it, clings to it, constantly. Maybe that’s pathetic to Zeke.

“Neither would I”, Zeke says softly.

Levi closes his eyes. “I would not kill anyone for the sin of living”.

“Of course not”, Zeke agrees. “Though, we are both killers, Levi”.

Levi blinks, their eyes are locked. They are. He swallows, shifts his weight, carefully.

“Is that peace, then, Zeke?”, he asks softly. “Nothing at all?”

Zeke strokes his collar. “Life is just chaos, Levi. We are just atoms that can’t touch, stardust that tries too hard, and there's nothing more to us, just matter forced to continue. Put enough hydrogen, and oxygen, and carbon together and in some random variation upon that theme, you get you and me. The only difference between stars and us is fear. Fear pushed you to be so strong, Levi”, he says, softly. “Lit in your veins some ancient, biological imperative to survive and you are a slave to it. We all have it, a need to spread, and continue, forever. Yours is just obvious. For what, Levi? What are we letting that fear drive us to do? More titans, more fighting, more walls?”

“We are made of stardust, are we?”, Levi asks.

Zeke smiles, hopelessly. “You are not following”.

Levi shakes his head. He doesn’t even feel patronised, he genuinely has no frame of reference for the words Zeke says. But he catalogues them, carefully, for Erwin. This is a layer from the truth of Zeke, he thinks.

“We are”, Zeke tells him. He takes Levi’s palm, strokes the veins and the lines. "You can see the stars so much better on this island, constellations full, they are all the same compounds as us. When very ancient stars die, they send out all these elements, infect the universe with it, like when you blow on dandelions, send spores to continue, eventually they clump together”. He interlaces their palms. “And you get life”.

“Oh”, Levi breathes. Zeke’s gaze is hard to look away from all of a sudden. He really should know better than to be disarmed by intellectual charm by now. Zeke just smiles, like seeing wonder in Levi’s eyes has lit some in his own. Erwin would’ve ripped the world apart for a chance to have known this knowledge first hand and fresh, to let it trip off your tongue like small-talk. Their hands are still interlaced.

“A vast oversimplification”, Zeke says, low in his throat.

“What does all this mean to you?”, Levi asks, his breath is a little deep now, they are almost sharing air.

Zeke’s gaze searches his eyes, for a moment, before he smiles.

“I’ll tell you one day”, he murmurs. “Some of the stars are thirteen billion years old, Levi. Eldia’s empire lasted only two thousand years. These walls have been up for barely a century. We are really insignificant”. He leans a little closer, their lips brush. “A blink of an eye in the face of eternity, and so much suffering”.

Levi swallows. Behind him the thicket moves, parts and rustles. Zeke moves back, just a little.

“Am I interrupting?” Erwin’s voice makes his stomach swoop. It’s not guilt, it’s something harder to name.

“Never”, Zeke smiles.

Erwin steps out into the clearing, sleeves still rolled, forearms catching the light. He looks like something out of another world entirely: orderly, composed, too golden for a place like this. His boots are still clean from when he shined them yesterday, even if he had to walk through the grass and the mud to get here. Levi watches Erwin take in the scene without comment: two bodies drying in the sun, still naked and too close, Zeke’s damp hair curling against his temple.

“Didn’t think you’d actually come”, Levi says. It comes out more hoarse than he’d like. “Paperwork finished?”

Erwin’s eyes flick to him, unreadable. “Enough of it”, he replies, mildly. “Didn’t want to miss such a fine afternoon”.

He settles down beside them. Not in between, not quite close, but close enough that Levi feels it like a hand at the base of his spine. There’s a moment where all three are silent.

Erwin opens the shirt button at his throat. “I am glad you two found time to unwind”, he says.

Zeke chuckles, low and easy. “You said it was warm, Commander. Thought I’d take your advice”.

“That wasn’t advice”, Erwin says, glancing at Levi.

Levi shrugs, stretches his arms behind his head. His heart is beating too loud. “Orders then?”

“No”, Erwin says, and his smile is barely there. “Just the suggestion of a good idea. I trust you to know the difference”.

The tension coils beneath the surface like a current. Zeke shifts, leans back on one hand, and glances sidelong at Levi, but his words are aimed at Erwin. “You always trust him, don’t you? That’s rare”.

Erwin’s smile turns. “I did not think you were still questioning that”.

It’s quiet again. Levi feels the heat rising in his chest, not just from the sun, though it still glints off the water, casts golden lines across Erwin’s knuckles where they rest in the grass. He feels too vulnerable, laying naked on the rocks in between these two men. He keeps his voice steady when he speaks.

“Zeke was telling me about stars”, he says, and cannot muster to put any scorn in his voice. It felt true. “Apparently we’re made of them”.

Erwin’s brows lift, faintly. “Is that so?”

“Something like that”, Zeke murmurs, watching them both now.

There’s something in his tone, a slight provocation. Levi doesn’t take the bait, but Erwin tilts his head, gaze sharp but still amused.

“You’ve always had an eye for the poetic, Zeke. Even in your tactics”.

“Mhh, I do”, Zeke says, and then stretches out, lazy and sharp-eyed. “You know, Commander, I thought you were the poetic one, but I am starting to understand you better. You are very cynical, aren’t you? Levi less so”, he says, gaze drifting between them. “Or less than I expected. It’s very evident, once you know him. A romantic at heart”, he presses on. “He is different when you're not around, Commander. Relaxed. Almost personable”.

Levi’s jaw ticks. “You talk too much”.

Zeke grins. “Just observing. You’ve got your own gravity, that’s all. Changes the air when you walk in”.

Erwin’s voice is quiet. “Levi adapts to what’s required”.

“Mmh”. Zeke leans back, thoughtful. “Funny. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him relax around you”.

Levi can feel his lip curl. It makes something inside him tick, that even after giving Zeke so much, he still wants to see more. “You are not being subtle, Zeke”, he cuts in, flat. Zeke shrugs.

“Never said I was trying to be. Just curiosity, especially after seeing you so sweet”. Zeke looks at him, then Erwin. “You two have a... dynamic”.

Erwin’s mouth twitches, not quite a smile. “Nothing ambiguous about it”.

Levi looks up at him, sharp, just for a second. Heat behind his ribs, sharp and irritating.

“Huh”, Zeke says. “So it is like that”.

Levi scowls. “It’s not anything”.

But he can feel it, can feel Erwin’s presence settling into his spine, familiar and infuriating, like standing at attention even when no one's called it. His fingers twitch at his sides.

Zeke laughs under his breath. “Does he always answer for you?”

Levi bristles, opens his mouth. Erwin speaks instead.

“Only when it’s efficient”.

Zeke raises both hands. “Right. Efficient”.

Levi hates this, hates the way it twists in his gut, hot and uncomfortable. Next to him Erwin shifts closer. Levi can feel the heath of his body, clothed where he is laying there naked.

The silence feels painful. His lips are still damp from Zeke’s, his cheeks sun flushed. He wants to reach for his shirt, but the silence is so deep it stalls movement.

“Swim with me?”, Erwin asks, breaks the spell like throwing a pebble into water.

Levi doesn’t want to get cold again after just warming up, but he nods regardless. He doesn’t want to say no in front of Zeke, he doesn’t really want to say yes either though. He feels like he’ll misstep either way.

Erwin strips off, folds his clothes by Levi’s. Stepping into the water, he splashes his face, scrapes water through his hair before offering Levi his hand. A strand of blonde is curled across his forehead. Levi feels his mouth go dry, even if he’s seen this sight a thousand times, something about it feels fresh.

Levi trembles a little when he submerges himself, takes Erwin’s hand and lets him drag him further out. His hands find Erwin’s shoulders, Erwin’s find his waist. His feet aren’t touching the ground.

He puts his head against Erwin’s collar, the skin cool and wet. “What the fuck are we doing?”

“I don’t know”, Erwin muses, soft against his hair. On the shore Zeke is reading again, legs crossed and head tipped against the sun. If he can hear them he’s pretending not to. “Did you kiss him?” Again, it’s painfully fond.

“He kissed me”, Levi says, and it comes out far too petulant.

“How pedantic of you”, Erwin breathes, underlying delight in his voice. Levi give him a flat and incredulous look. God, he is pretty, Levi thinks hopelessly. The muscle on his shoulder is plush to the touch, all the bones sit right under his skin. Which was some compliment back where Levi was from.

“You’re flushed”, Erwin tells him. “Caught the sun?”

“Something like that”, Levi murmurs. “What’s your game?”

“I told you, I don’t know”. His eyes are so blue in the sinking sun. “What do you want to do, Levi?”

He makes a frustrated noise in the back of his throat, takes his teeth to Erwin’s collar bone lightly.

“I don’t - can you -” He huffs. “Can you just tell me what you want me to do?”

Erwin gives him a long look. “But then we just prove Zeke right, don’t we?”

“Oh that I’m your fucking - liege?”

“I’m your liege”, Erwin corrects lightly. “In this context, at least -”

“You wanna drown?”, Levi asks, placidly.

Erwin kisses him, soft, with a smile and a chuckle. Levi sinks into it, despite himself. “Did he really tell you we are made of stardust? God, What a line, really, It would have worked on me”, he hums, considerately.

“He was being seriously patronising. Flirts like a two-bit grifter”, Levi promises. “He said a lot, actually, very revealing. I kissed him hoping he’d talk more, and now you are here, so he won’t. He’s afraid of what you think, and you can keep up”.

“Levi”, he says, and Levi can almost feel it in his chest, mildly admonishing. “And here I thought you were wholly against sex for strategy?”

“It was a kiss”. Levi clicks his tongue, he looks at Erwin under his lashes. “I have a eye for an opportunity, too”.

Erwin gazes at him, smile downturned and eyes crinkled. He strokes Levi’s hair out his face. “I know”. He quirks his brow, squeezes Levi’s waist. “Follow my lead?”

“When do I ever do anything else?”, Levi murmurs.

Erwin huffs a breath, barely audible, presses his forehead to Levi’s for a moment. The water shifts around them, warm where their skin meets, cold at the edges.

“You’re shivering”, he murmurs.

He is. “It’s the water”, Levi says, and it’s not quite true, but it’s not quite a lie either. He thinks he started getting goosebumps as soon as Erwin arrived. He doesn’t pull away.

From the shore, Zeke watches them over the edge of his book. He hasn’t turned a page in minutes.

“I think”, Erwin says slowly, like the words are unfamiliar even to him, “we’re allowed not to know what this is. For now”.

Levi blinks up at him. “That means nothing”, he says. “And you are lying”.

Erwin brushes a hand down Levi’s back under the water. His gaze is fond, soft. Levi could almost believe him. “We don’t have to solve it all at once”.

Levi scoffs, soft. “That’s new”.

“I’m learning”, Erwin says, dry. “Even I can try”. He swipes Levi’s hair back. “It can be more, for me. It can be just this for you”.

“Maybe”, Levi says, quietly. He doesn’t quite believe him.

They drift quietly. Levi lets his forehead rest against Erwin’s collar again. His voice is lower when he speaks.

“He’s watching”.

“I know”.

Levi doesn’t move. Erwin’s hand is still under the water, resting low on his back, too low to be casual. His thumb brushes over the dip of Levi’s spine, slow and deliberate.

“Don’t start”, Levi mutters, but doesn’t stop him. His fingers tighten briefly around Erwin’s bicep beneath the surface.

Erwin tilts his head, lips close enough to brush Levi’s ear. “We’re already in it”.

The water shifts with their movement. Levi’s breath catches as Erwin’s hand slides down, pulling him closer. Their hips meet with a soft splash. Levi exhales through his nose.

“Fuck’s sake”, he murmurs. “You picked the river for this? There is mud, we could be in the fucking tent -”

Erwin’s mouth brushes the edge of his jaw. “You didn’t say no”.

From the bank, Zeke shifts. The sound of a page turning, belated and mechanical. His gaze is steady, the book forgotten in his lap.

Levi catches the movement out of the corner of his eye. “He’s still watching”.

“I know”, Erwin says again, low, amused. He doesn’t stop. One hand comes up to cradle the back of Levi’s neck, the other still anchoring him under the water.

Levi lets himself be kissed, briefly, messily. The warmth of Erwin’s mouth lingers against his, the way their bodies are pressed together is making his cock stir up. He shivers against Erwin, fingers twisting at his hair, pulling at his scalp.

Erwin makes a low noise, one that Levi feels more than hears, deep in his chest. The hand at Levi’s back slides further down, gripping the curve of his ass under the water. The heat between them blooms sharp, insistent. Levi sucks in a breath between his teeth.

“Are you serious?”, he mutters, but he’s already tilting his head to kiss Erwin again, deeper this time. It’s wet and close and a little too honest. Erwin bites at his bottom lip, sharp, possessive. The river moves with them, soft ripples breaking around their bodies. Levi hooks a leg around Erwin’s hip, dragging him in until there’s no space left. His fingers roam under the water, over the taut lines of Erwin’s stomach, nails grazing the skin. “You really want Zeke to watch you get off in a fucking river?”, he asks against Erwin’s mouth.

“Well, it seems you are the one who is trying to get me off”, Erwin replies, voice rough. His grip tightens, makes Levi buck up against him.

“Don’t be smug”, Levi breathes, slightly ragged. “It doesn’t suit your pretty face. Is he still watching?”

“Staring”. Erwin kisses his neck. “Should I wave?”

“You’re a bastard”, Levi groans. “So is he, though. Am I not relaxed around you?”

Erwin shrugs, his breath hitching as Levi’s fingers find his cock. “Not when others are around, your hackles go up fast”.

I’d like to be, it comes into his head unbidden, almost trips to the front of his mouth. He stops it. He’s let himself think about it more and more, Zeke’s influence no doubt; the idea of this all having an end, and then some fresh start. He should stop, realistically, even if he survives this, Erwin won’t, at least, not long enough to reap any real benefits.

“Levi?”, Erwin says, his hand on his chin. There is a frown on his face.

His lips drop open. He doesn’t know the words for the itchy, longing inside him. It makes him thoughtless, and selfish, and he’s kissing Erwin far too deep before he remembers they’re being watched.

“Your lips are cold”, Erwin murmurs. They are, and he is trembling, and can’t really feel his toes. Erwin pushes his shoulders a little, guides him to the shallows. “Come on”.

The water, at least, gave them some element of subterfuge. When Erwin lies next to him on the sun-warmed rocks, it strips ambiguity. Erwin gives him the softest smile, like he’s holding back a chuckle. It makes Levi smile an inch too, gaze falling away, bitten back and bashful.

Erwin’s body crowds him, balanced on an elbow, and chest covering Levi’s. It makes him warm, at least.

They kiss deep, Levi allows the pleasure to ratchet, gain momentum until they are gasping each other’s air. He can grind his hips just a little here, not that he’d push for more, he enjoys the softness of the pleasure.

“Should I leave, boys?”, Zeke asks, and snaps his book shut hard enough it makes Levi’s senses return wholly.

“Why?”, Erwin asks, strokes Levi’s collar. He lets his eyes close. “You are watching”.

“You’re a sight”, Zeke says, and it’s not as sardonic as Levi thinks he’s hoping for.

“You have kissed him too”, Erwin says, lightly.

Zeke laughs, a little uncertain. “Is that, what? An invitation?”

Levi feels vertigo ridden for a moment, a breath rushing out of him.

“What?”, Erwin asks, blinks levelly, almost innocuous. Levi tries to redirect his attention, tries to bring their lips together again. Erwin just strokes his lips, index finger fucking into his mouth languidly. “Do you need an order, too, Zeke?”

The authority in his tone makes Levi shiver, makes him hot with arousal and shame in a way he has not felt since he first joined the Corps, since Erwin was an enemy he needed to stay away from, not get closer. It’s different, now. He is not alone, he trusts Erwin, but the embarrassment at having Zeke see him like this, at having Zeke here at all still makes him flush, makes something coil in his stomach. Zeke gives a breathless laugh next to him, incredulous.

“You are bold, Commander”.

“Am I?”, Erwin asks, tone light. Levi nips at his finger, gets Erwin squeezing at his cheeks lightly for his efforts. “I thought I had been quite obvious. Levi tells me so, anyway”.

Zeke’s gaze moves to him, makes their eyes meet. Levi can see the jealousy and desire behind them, can see how blown his pupils are. Erwin’s hand moves to his throat, slow, makes his eyes flutter shut again.

“I have heard you choked him out”, Erwin says. Levi swallows against his palm, arches up against him. Suddenly all he wants is for Erwin to fuck him slow and gentle, make him take it with his quite authority, make Zeke watch just how much Levi trusts him, how Zeke could never touch him like Erwin is now. “You said you were taking care of him”.

“I was”, Zeke replies, petulant. “And we shook hands after, didn’t we, Levi?”

“Fuck you”, Levi mutters, turns in Erwin’s grip.

“I think you should apologise to my Captain, Zeke”, Erwin continues, calm. “If you want to play this game”.

“Ah”, Zeke says, shifts next to him. Levi feels his knuckles brushing his cheek, soft. He doesn’t chase the touch, doesn’t pull away either. “So there is a game to play”.

Levi doesn’t want to hear about that. Erwin can have his schemes, his games, his plans, but here Levi does not want to think about which chess piece to move, he just wants to let his body take over like it does on the battlefield.

He opens his eyes, meets Erwin’s gaze, so blue and so dark at the same time.

“Kiss me”, he mutters, and doesn’t expect Erwin to agree but this time he does. Their lips brush, soft, until Levi loops his arms around Erwin’s neck, brings him down to kiss him properly, open and filthy, Erwin’s thumb caressing at the hollow of his throat.

When they separate Levi’s limbs feel heavier, lax. See, he wants to tell Zeke, I can relax for him. When he turns slightly to look at him Zeke’s hand is on his cock, holding himself tightly like the sight is too much.

“You are starved”, Levi says, voice hoarse already. Zeke’s gaze is dark, unashamed.

“It’s not a secret I have always wanted you like this”.

Erwin hums. “He’s quite the sight, isn’t he?”

Levi’s eyes squeeze shut. “Erwin”, he gets out. He feels like a little animal, a pet, being spoken of like that. It’s shameful, he thinks, cheeks reddenning, and his cock leaks against his stomach anyway.

“He really -” Zeke shakes his head, marvelled. “Was not like this with me”.

“Relaxed?”, Levi asks, clipped.

Zeke leans down, Levi’s shoulders set.

“May I?”, he asks, and in fairness to him, he asks Levi direct. He isn’t sure he could handle this game if it was played through Erwin.

Levi shrugs in apathetic agreement. Zeke’s mouth finds his neck, his tongue presses against the bruises that Erwin left yesterday. Erwin kisses his jaw, matching Zeke’s pace. Levi’s eyes flutter, despite himself. The attention is heady, he can’t pretend it isn’t. His hands bury in different shades of blonde.

“He’s so covered in marks”, Zeke says, not the first time he’s commented. He strokes over scars; teeth marks from titans, knives from Underground, all puckered white skin.

“So was I once”, Erwin says, softly. He really was, he was more reckless than Levi, or no - maybe Levi was just stronger. But Erwin had scars from close calls long before Levi saw sunlight.

“Hazards of the job?”, Zeke muses. His hands are softer than Erwin’s, Levi can feel, but Erwin’s are gentler. He doesn’t know how to fully catalogue the difference, but Erwin’s still have calluses from holding triggers, still feel rough, are bigger than Zeke’s. They both heal, Levi knows, but he could cut both their hands off, feel them fresh and still know the difference.

Even with his eyes closed he knows it’s Erwin’s knuckles that are brushing his inner thighs, drawing patterns on his hip bones, ever so soft. It makes Levi’s lips drop open, his legs fall apart.

“Even with these scars though, he stays so pretty”, Zeke says, breathless.

It would make Levi cringe, he thinks, if they were back in Marley in that oppressive heat, in those rooms that felt far too opulent for how they all felt about Levi, but with Erwin here it makes him a little flushed. It’s the agreement Erwin hums, he thinks.

“What do you like most?”, Erwin asks, mildly. Levi’s breath is far too ragged.

“Oh”, Zeke clicks his tongue, uncertain. “I’ve never thought about it. If he frowned less maybe his eyes”.

Erwin tuts, his hand wraps around Levi’s cock, makes a soft sound spill from his lips.

“You don’t like his eyes?”, Zeke asks.

“No, I adore them”, Erwin says, simply. “Just, you know, Zeke, if you didn’t undercut your compliments with insults, he might even give you one in kind”.

Zeke laughs, incredulous. “I doubt that. God, you’ve barely touched him and he’s leaking in your palm”.

He really is, Levi thinks, and bucks up into Erwin’s grip, shivering. Erwin hushes him, soft, presses a soft kiss to the skin behind his ear.

“You are leaking too, Zeke”, he says, amused. “And neither of us has touched you at all”.

Zeke’s voice is rough when he answers. “You are cruel, Commander”.

“I told you what I want, Zeke. Apologise to my Captain”, Erwin says, firm. His grip is lax on Levi’s cock, his breath warm next to him. “I am not asking again”.

When Levi looks up he expects to find Erwin’s gaze on him but it’s not. It’s on Zeke’s instead, cold and calculating, sterner than Levi has seen him with him in a while. Or maybe that’s how they always are, maybe Levi just wasn’t paying attention. He thinks back to Zeke’s question, a taunt more than anything else: do you wonder what we talk about? Now he wishes he had asked, wishes he knew more about their discussions. He imagines Erwin’s voice, low and firm, telling Zeke all the ways in which he wronged Levi, making him feel small for it, as small as Levi felt when his vision was swimming and his body was giving up. It’s petty resentment, he knows, but he lets himself indulge in the fantasy, lets himself wrap his arms around Erwin’s neck to bring him down for another kiss. Erwin kisses him soft, this time, his lips first, his temple after. It makes Levi moan softly, melt on the sun-warmed rocks.

“I thought we had moved past this, Levi”, Zeke says, cheeks flushed from arousal, maybe from embarassment at being spoken to like that. He’ll get used to it, Levi thinks.

“Levi is a lot more forgiving than I am”, Erwin says. His hand lets go of Levi’s cock, moves to the inside of his thigh and thumbs at the skin there, makes his legs spread slightly.

Zeke’s jaw sets, his eyes skittering in between the two of them. He takes a breath in, nostrils flaring, gaze resting on Levi.

“My apologies, you little devil”, he says, teeth gritted. “Do you want me to kneel at your feet, too?”

“He never asked that”, Erwin says, lightly. “But perhaps he’d like his cock sucked”. He buffs Levi’s cheek, gets his attention. “Would you?”

And Levi can’t deny him anything when he looks like this, his hair free from product and falling across his forehead, skin sun-kissed and gaze dark.

“Erwin”, he gets out, can’t think of much more. It usually takes a lot longer for him to get like this. “Fuck - whatever - can you -”

Erwin hushes him, soft, moves behind him so Levi can rest his head on his thigh, so he can stroke Levi’s hair, caress down his shoulders, his torso. Levi’s legs fall open further, Zeke moves in between them immediately, eyes hungry and lip bitten.

He never let him do this again after that first time, no matter how many times Zeke begged. He has a slight desire to choke him between his thighs, make him flush and watch his lips turn blue. He watches Zeke take off his glasses, lay them in the grass before he brings his mouth over Levi, takes him in his throat. Levi’s teeth clench, a hiss of breath filtering between them. Zeke’s grip tightens on his thighs as they tense. Levi grimaces before he can help it. The pleasure is that same sickly heat, inescapable.

Erwin tuts, sighs. It makes Zeke look up.

“Softer with him”, he says. Zeke looks incredulous.

“He’s not exactly going to break”. He strokes Levi languidly, presses wet kisses to his cock. “Is that how you did it, then? Kill him with kindness”.

Erwin strokes down Levi’s stomach, his hand laying flat on his lower stomach, thumb stroking an old knife wound, a white line against the muscle. It makes Levi twitch in Zeke’s hand, makes his back arch a little. He feels the frustration in Zeke’s breath against him.

“You know -” Erwin begins mildly, his other hand tangles in Zeke’s hair, as he says, offhand; “You can start again”. It’s different, jarringly so, when Zeke swallows his cock as deep as Erwin’s grip allows. “Less pressure, let him chase it”.

Levi’s head thrashes, a broken sound in his throat. Zeke moans around him.

“I find your theories about myself and Levi distasteful”, he continues. “For a number of reasons. I think, mostly, because it’s a disservice to how hard I worked to get here. Years, really. I was just patient, and you’re right, I was kind. It was not manipulation, Zeke. He was beautiful, and he was incredible, and my god I wanted him, but mostly -” Levi’s teeth are chattering, it’s too open, too horribly raw to hear. “I was lonely, and he was too. And this world had never afforded him arms to fall into, and it had never given me anyone to hold”.

Zeke’s eyebrow arches a little, like he doesn’t quite believe it, but his eyes are wide on Levi. Levi has to look away, the words are building in his chest, Erwin’s voice and Erwin’s smell, and -

“Careful, he’s close”, Erwin says, mildly. Zeke pulls away. It makes Levi’s breath leave him in a swoop, desperately empty.

“Nothing to do with me”. Zeke wipes his mouth, curls in his eyes, and spit glistening on his lips.

“Then try harder”, Erwin says, with a smile.

Zeke’s nostrils flare. Levi feels fevered.

He’s a fast learner, he’s taking on the words, stopping to kiss the skin at his hip, letting the pressure build till Levi’s gasping.

“Better”, Erwin says, and Zeke’s breath stutters. Levi squeezes his eyes shut. He would have never thought hearing Erwin directing someone else would affect him this much. He thinks that’s all he wanted, really, whenever they were inside Sina, whenever they’d have to prostrate themselves and play horrible games to get just a little bit of funding for the next expedition. He would look at Erwin, mask off, his set jaw and the slope of his nose and the fire in his eyes, and wish he’d just show all of them what he was really made of.

He is now, he thinks, delirious, arches up into Zeke’s mouth and feels him groan around him. Erwin’s hands are on his chest, stroking softly.

“Fuck -”, he moans, and tries to hide his flushed face into Erwin’s thigh but Erwin doesn’t let him, his hand on his cheek suddenly, keeping his face up, facing the sky. Levi’s eyes open, breath ragged and lips dropped open. Erwin is staring down at him, eyes dark, observing him so intently Levi wonders if he could tell how close he is just from the fluttering of his eyelashes.

“Beautiful”, Erwin mutters, makes Levi shiver.

Zeke pulls back slightly, lets his lips drag against Levi’s cock.

“Levi”, he says, “can I -”

And Levi knows what he is going to ask before he even can.

“No”, he gets out, voice hoarse, twitches when Zeke’s grip tightens slightly around his thigh.

“But -” “He said no”, Erwin says, smoothly. “Are you not satisfied with what he is giving you? I think he is being quite generous”. He smiles down at Levi. “Indulging me, really”.

“Indulging you”, Zeke mutters, spiteful, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “What a chore this must be for him. Letting me suck his cock while he won’t even let me inside with one finger -”

Erwin’s brows furrow for a moment. Clearly he was not expecting that, Levi thinks, but the thought of having Zeke inside him with anything else other than his cock has always felt too intimate to him, too fragile. If he was going to do it, he might as well feel it all.

Erwin’s gaze is considering on him. He pulls Levi up slightly, slides a hand to the back of his thigh, grips it for a second before pressing a finger against Levi’s hole. Fuck it, Levi thinks, and fucks back against the pressure, head thrown back.

“Well”, Erwin mutters. His eyes move from Levi’s face, meet Zeke’s. “Would you like to watch?”

“What’s my other option?”, Zeke asks. “You are both here, and no one else is allowed to watch me”.

“You move”, Levi says, head lolled back, breath laboured. “And I get the pleasure of tackling you to the ground”.

“The pleasure”, Zeke drawls. “Oh don’t tease, Levi. Maybe I can spit down your throat again”.

Erwin pulls his fingers away only long enough to suck them wet before he brings them back to his hole, presses in, slow, two deep. They fucked last night, hard and fast. This is anything but. Erwin’s fingers press soft and insistent, never too deep, and never quite stretching, just slow and endless.

“Ah -” He gasps. “Maybe I can clock you in the fucking jaw, mhh?”

Trembling, his hand digs into Erwin’s arm, blunt nails on muscle, his head thrown back and his brows pitched together. Erwin’s spare hand strokes through Levi’s hair, covering his forehead like you might check for a fever.

“It’s alright”, he murmurs, soft by Levi’s ear. It makes his eyes flutter shut, a shiver running down his spine. Trust Erwin to be that intuitive. “He doesn’t appreciate being riled up”.

“Really?”, Zeke asks, presses himself against a tree, rakes through his nearby trousers for his few remaining cigarettes. “Enjoyed it plenty with me”.

“No”, Erwin murmurs. “He tolerated it. You had the gall to say he’s never relaxed with me? Zeke, he’s never even been comfortable around you”.

Zeke’s jaw is set, his hand closed around his cock, his other flicking his lighter open.

“I’m sure”, Zeke says, inhales deep. “I did get the unique opportunity to fuck him terrified, far from home, and utterly alone. I’m sure you’re a little jealous. You get him warm and safe and pliant, and I’ll take him scratching like a wild cat, twisting against his fate, and dreaming of you -”

“Shut up”, Levi snarls. “You -”

Zeke smiles, his hand speeding up on his cock, his cigarette hung on his lips. “You’re too easy, you’re just so easy. How can I help myself?”

Erwin presses his fingers deep, crooks them inside him. It makes Levi’s jaw clamp shut, drool on his chin. Erwin is too quiet, it’s never a good thing.

“When we kissed, the first time, he bit straight through my lip”, Zeke muses. “The second time he was a bit softer, but it was probably the drugs, still in his system, a bit languid. My god, Commander, look at you, you are furious”. Zeke blows smoke out his nose. “See? I can play my own games”.

“Your games don’t serve him, Zeke”, Erwin says, low. “And, as much as you desperately dance around it, that’s all you really want to do”.

Levi feels gutted by the words, his breath leaves him all at once. When he opens his eyes Zeke is staring at Erwin, lips dropped open.

“That’s a bold assumption”, he says, strained. Erwin hums behind Levi, spreads his fingers inside him.

“I see how you look at him, when you think I am not paying attention”, he says, calm. His touch feels scorching hot on Levi’s skin. “Really, Zeke, you give yourself away. What was it you called him the other day -” Erwin pauses for a moment, fucks into Levi deeper, still so slow. “Ah. A little miracle, wasn’t it”, he prompts, soft. Levi shivers against him, hides his face into his arm.

“We were discussing science”, Zeke says, teeth gritted. “Don’t twist -”

“And yet titans are a curse, are they not?”, Erwin interrupts. “We are cursed, me and you. But him -” He holds Levi closer, adds another finger and makes him keen, lips wet against his skin. “No, to you he is a miracle”.

There is silence for a while, a moment too long, Erwin’s fingers still fucking languidly inside him. His lips brush Levi’s temple for a moment. When Levi looks up at him he is staring at Zeke again. Levi can see the quiet satisfaction on his face, even if his jaw is still set - the telltale signs of an argument won.

“Fine”, Zeke grits out. Levi looks over to him, how tense he is, how coiled his muscles are. For a moment he thinks Erwin might have pushed this too far, but Erwin’s hand caresses down his ribs, reassuring. “I guess I have - a fascination”.

“There is no shame in wanting this, Zeke”, Erwin says, and manages to sound almost sweet. Sincere. “You have seen how we are. I wouldn’t hold it against you, if you were honest”.

He pulls his fingers out of Levi, leaves him aching and empty. Levi whimpers softly, grabs his hand.

“Don’t -”

“One moment”, Erwin tells him, soft, kisses his forehead before looking back at Zeke. “So. Would you like to be honest?”

Zeke’s gaze is wide, his lips dropped open. He breathes out a laugh, incredulous, shakes his head and throws his cigarette away.

“Honest”, he repeats, like a curse, gives a startled sound. “Oh, Commander. You said you didn’t get him in bed with manipulation. I guess it’s different for me? I doubt you fuck good enough for me to spill everything I have”.

“We are on the same side”, Erwin says, limpid. “Are we not?”

Zeke’s features scrunch, a hand coming up to scratch across his beard. He takes in a ragged breath, his eyes searching Erwin’s face, then Levi’s. Levi recognises the frustration, that bone deep itch you can’t reach and that stops your words short of your mouth. It’s how Levi feels talking to Zeke.

“We can start small”, Erwin says, almost kindly, like he won’t push too much. “Do you want to kiss him?”

“I have kissed him”, Zeke snaps.

“That’s not what I asked”, Erwin says, and lifts Levi’s weight a little, presses the blunt, wet tip of his cock against him. Levi’s breath hitches, his hands on Erwin’s thighs. “Please, Zeke, I am really not jealous”, Erwin breathes in, pushes in slow. Levi’s thighs shake to accommodate, spread as he is. Erwin laughs, a strained puff against his ear. “If he had come home and not been so starved and sweet for me, maybe. But you’ve shown me all I needed to know to be reassured”.

Zeke stares at Levi now, and Levi tries to glare and can’t quite manage it.

“Do you want me to kiss you, Levi?”, Zeke asks. There might be an inch of something hurt in his tone, like these past couple of months have all been some elaborate lie. Levi always made his intentions clear.

Erwin smiles at that, strokes Levi’s cheek.

“Yeah, alright”, Levi grits, and shudders as Erwin bottoms out inside him, their bodies flush together. Levi’s back to Erwin’s chest.

Zeke comes closer, tilts Levi’s head a little, his smile downturned. “I think you want me a little”.

Erwin moves, fucks into him with an arm around his chest. Levi’s hand has to brace on Zeke’s shoulder, a gasp ripped from him.

“I -”, he breathes. “Feel bad for you, that’s all, you’re -”

Zeke kisses before he can finish the sentence, say, pathetic. It’s slightly scattering to have four hands on him, Erwin’s lips at his shoulders and his spine, and Zeke’s tongue against his. He has to separate from Zeke to drag in air. Zeke’s mouth follows his, brings their lips back together before Levi can get enough fresh air in his lungs to feel orientated. Emboldened, Zeke’s hands cup his cheeks, angle his head, sat up on his knees between their legs. Levi’s eyes fall shut, Erwin’s pace is torturous inside him, but the pleasure is making him shake, and maybe he enjoys the attention, he isn’t sure, but the touch is kind. Erwin is here, and Zeke is his mission, and he’s here too. So, really, Levi has nothing to worry about at all, and that’s not a half bad feeling.

Zeke pulls off slightly, stares at him, palm on his cheek.

“Oh”, he breathes, “you are not really thinking much at all, are you?”

He kisses him again before Levi can answer, harder this time, deeper. Levi succumbs to it, lets his head loll back against Erwin’s shoulder, feels his powerful thighs move under his hands, his cock splitting him open.

“You are though”, Erwin whispers at his ear. “My Levi. Always so sharp. You can let go, sweetheart, it’s alright. I’ll take care of it. You just take it”.

Levi groans into Zeke’s mouth at the words, wonders if Zeke has heard any of that at all. Suddenly the idea he has doesn’t seem as humiliating as it would have only minutes ago. The game is set, everyone is playing their role - just like Erwin predicted, as he always does. Levi can trust him, Levi can let go. He is in between two of the most dangerous men in this war and his limbs feel heavy, his thoughts sluggish, and he doesn’t feel guilt for any of it. There will be worse times, he knows, times where he will have to be sharp and careful and dangerous again. He can take some reprieve here.

“Can I touch you?”, Zeke whispers against his mouth. His hands are on Levi’s legs now, stroking. If he reached out he could even touch where Erwin is pushing inside him, Levi thinks, and feels his cock leak at the thought.

“Yeah”, he gets out, rough, whimpers slightly when Zeke’s hand wraps around his cock. His grip is softer, now, his touch lighter. Erwin hooks his chin over Levi’s shoulder, makes a sound of appreciation at the sight.

“You are a fast learner”, he praises, and Levi can see Zeke flush instantly at the words.

“You are too smug, Commander”, he spits, but there is no real heath behind it, Levi can tell. He understands, really. Erwin’s praise is something heady.

He is not going to last long like this. Zeke’s touch is so soft it’s almost teasing, Erwin’s cock feels impossibly big inside him. He turns to mouth kisses at Erwin’s neck, his throat, feels Erwin’s thumb stroking the skin under his eye.

“Erwin”, he groans, leans into the touch when Erwin swipes his hair back and kisses his forehead.

“Whenever you need, sweetheart”, he says, and fucks into him harder, hard enough Levi loses what little control he had over his movements. He lets himself go limp, sigh and rest against Erwin’s chest, eyes closed.

He can feel Erwin lose control too, the sweat where their bodies meet, the raggedness in his breath. Zeke kisses at his jaw, presses kisses to his lips. Levi just lets him and tilts a little so Erwin can kiss the side of his mouth. He feels fractured by the pleasure, pulled apart. He’s gripping Erwin’s arm, and can hardly hear the noises he’s making against the rush of blood in his ears.

He comes, back arched and body shaking. Zeke lets him fuck his fist through it, holds his thighs open. Erwin doesn’t slow down, just hisses in his ear at how tight Levi becomes around him. The feeling rakes through him, leaves him twitching and trembling in their arms.

“I love you”, he murmurs, breathless, punched out his heart as Erwin fucks into him. He leaves uncoordinated kisses at the side of Erwin’s mouth, all tongue and wet lips and aching devotion.

Erwin buries his head in Levi’s shoulder, comes inside him with a soft sound, and kisses the words back into Levi’s shoulder blade.

“I love you too”.

It makes him smile, eyes creased and head fallen back. Zeke grabs his jaw, angles his head, and stares at the way it falls on his face. Erwin’s hand catches his wrist at the action, the grip looks painful on Zeke’s bones. Levi doesn’t have the energy to push away the warm, languid feeling in his bones, and lets Zeke stare all he likes.

“You have a beautiful smile, Levi”, Zeke says softly, breath trembling as he touches himself.

Levi hums, eyes falling closed again. He still feels warm, still feels good. It’s making him overly gracious, really. He leans down, strokes Zeke’s cheek with his knuckles. It’s the softest he’s ever touched him. Zeke leans into it, starved, his lips dropping open. Zeke kisses him, pushes forward a little desperately. Levi lets him, falls back against Erwin’s chest. Zeke’s breath is ragged against his lips, Levi can hear how furiously he is stroking his cock, the sound of skin against his skin. Suddenly his desperation feels more than pathetic, it’s almost tragic. He loops an arm around Zeke’s neck, lets him hide his face in the crook of his neck. Zeke whimpers against him, a broken sound.

“Levi”, he sighs, and makes his name almost sound like a prayer. He doesn't respect me, Levi thinks of telling Erwin, he's scared of me, but he doesn't respect me. He is not so sure about that, now, can almost see Zeke’s taunts and insults as aborted attempts at rebellion, failed acts of domination. He runs his hand through Zeke’s hair, caresses it softly. It makes Zeke groan, strained.

“I need -”, he moans, and Levi feels Erwin hug him closer, spread his legs wider.

“You can, Zeke”, he says, and Zeke starts coming almost immediately with a shout, cock spurting over Levi’s stomach, his crotch, marking him. It should feel like possession but it doesn’t, it just makes Levi feels completely Erwin’s, Erwin who is holding him still, keeping him spread, allowing this to happen and not letting him go. Levi shivers against him, lips falling open and eyes squeezing shut, something hot running inside him. He moans softly, lets himself be kissed deep when Erwin angles his head, neck twisting to reach him better.

“Perfect”, Erwin whispers against his lips, “so perfect”.

When Levi opens his eyes Zeke has pulled back, cheeks dark and panting, hair matted in sweat and hand still cradling his cock. He looks like he could come again in minutes, Levi thinks, vulnerable and young. It’s so far from the image of the man who choked him in the dirt back in Marley, it’s almost surreal.

He grimaces when Erwin lifts him slightly to slide out of him. His thigh muscles feel strained, his abs hurt and his stomach is coated in come. He is about to say something but Erwin lays him back against the rocks, kisses his temple.

“Let me clean you up”, he whispers, and Levi nods tiredly, treasures Erwin’s low tone and how private the words feel.

Zeke settles beside him, puts his glasses back on and drags his trousers close, hauls them up his legs.

“I am sorry, you know”, he says, slowly.

“For choking me?”, Levi snorts, breath still a little ragged, eyes closed.

“For all of it”. Zeke takes his hand, kisses his knuckles. “You don’t deserve it”.

And it sounds like a revelation to Zeke, like something has changed his perception. Something twinges at the back of his skull, alarm pushing against the warm blanket of pleasure over him. Zeke said deserve, present, not past, like Zeke will have more to apologise for.

Erwin comes back, the sleeve of his shirt wet from the river, uses it on Levi’s stomach. Levi tuts, makes a face. Erwin shrugs.

“I’ll change when we get back”.

“Good”, Levi murmurs, tilts his head when he drags the cool cotton over the line of his throat.

He pulls his shirt on, shucks on his trousers. Doing up the buttons seems like a chore. He motions his hand, points at Zeke’s cigarettes.

“I only have two left”, Zeke pouts.

“I’ll ask for tobacco when we next get supplies”, Levi says.

“I can’t roll”, Zeke mutters.

“I’ll teach you”. Levi kisses his teeth.

Zeke’s eyes glitter for a moment, offering the packet. “And here I thought I was corrupting you”.

Levi shrugs. “Yours go down a hell of a lot smoother”.

Erwin strokes his hair, gazes at him. “He would chew it, on occasion, when we first met”.

That was Farlan’s habit more than his, really, but it stained his teeth too much like Kenny’s for comfort. He’d given it up once he died, anyway, and saw no point spending good money on an addiction that only reminded him of what he lost.

“I smoked and gambled and drank, like any good petty criminal”, Levi says. Even if it made him scrub his skin raw, made him feel disgusting. There was no way to escape it though, underground, all the water was poison, at least the alcohol was sterile, and the smoke could hide the taste of food gone bad.

It’s taken him a decade to acquire the palette to find the things he survived on a luxury.

Zeke offers Erwin the last one. It’s actually sweet, Levi thinks. He would’ve made a good big brother, if he’d really gotten the chance. He doesn’t know why he lets himself think it. Erwin smiles, gracious, and takes it.

“Reformed then”, Zeke decides, and nods at Erwin. “Your work. You domesticated him”. And it’s more playful than it is condescending.

“Mmh”, Levi murmurs, inhales deep. “I was about your age, maybe a bit younger”. That’s strange to think about. He felt a lot older at the time. Zeke probably does too. There is about as many years between him and Zeke as there are between Erwin and him. Erwin had felt a lot older than him, back then. “I was hopelessly attracted”, Levi says, mirthlessly.

Erwin gives him a long look. “He tried to stab me in bed, once”.

“He successfully stabbed me in bed, once”, Zeke says.

Levi quirks a smile. It had been cathartic. “Not in the reports, unfortunately”.

“And here I thought you went through every gruesome detail of our time together with him”, Zeke says, leans back to cross his ankles, smile soft.

“He was being awful, I lost my shit”. Levi leans against Erwin’s shoulder. “It’s not a long story”.

“I am sure you’d like to have seen that, Commander”, Zeke says, glances at Erwin briefly. “You looked like you could kill me earlier”.

It’s said sheepishly. Levi is even surprised he is bringing it up. He wishes he could have seen Erwin’s expression, wishes he could have experienced his grip on Zeke’s wrist for himself.

Erwin takes a drag of his cigarette, puts it out. “As you said, Zeke. He successfully stabbed you in bed”. He looks at Levi, strokes his fringe away from his forehead. “I am leaving the decision to him”.

“Mhh, my private executioner”, Zeke agrees. “An honour, really”.

Erwin smiles, soft. “Yes. I would know”.

Levi bites the inside of his cheek to hide his own smile, looks away. Zeke seems on the verge of asking what they mean but stops himself. Either he is learning, Levi thinks, or Erwin being there inhibits him. It’s probably both.

The sun is setting over the hills, makes the river in warm oranges. It’s getting colder, too, cold enough they’ll need a fire soon. Levi gets up, stretches and starts buttoning up his shirt, feels both Erwin’s and Zeke’s gaze on him. It makes his nape tingle.

“We should head back”, he says. Erwin nods.

The walk back is quiet, blissfully so. Zeke seems lost in his thoughts, distracted, even. Maybe he is overwhelmed. Levi almost asks him if he is alright. They played worse games than this though, he knows. He will be fine.

Back at the camp he hesitates in front of his tent, turns around to look at the two of them.

“I wouldn’t have taken you for someone who takes time off his duties for what you did today, Commander”, he says, looking at Erwin. “But it’s good to know you are. You should do it more often”.

“Are you concerned about my workload, Zeke?”, Erwin asks, amused. He is smiling but Levi isn’t. The words make a chill run down his spine. You don’t deserve it.

Zeke shrugs. “Just an observation. Make of that what you will”. He gives them a salute. “Goodnight”.

Levi watches him disappear in his tent, turns to their own only when he is gone. Inside he looks at Erwin, feels his chest tighten at the sight of his windswept hair, his shirt unbuttoned at the neck and sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

“He just played along”, he tells Erwin, quietly. “You can’t trust him. You know that, right?”

Erwin looks at him, fond, kisses the top of his head.

“I know, Levi. But there is value in that, too. Now I know how he plays his games a little bit better”.

Levi doesn’t know if that’s true.

There is a pause, Erwin gazes at him. “Could you still kill him, Levi?”

It takes him off guard, for some stupid reason. Was this a test? But no, Erwin’s gaze is just flat and sad.

“Yes”, he says, warily. “Of course I could”.

“Was today nice?”, Erwin asks, and something sickly is twisting in Levi’s guts at the tone.

“It was”, Levi swallows. “Unsustainable though. We can’t fuck him on the side, I told you that”.

Erwin’s eyes close, and suddenly he looks almost exhausted, his grip hard on the desk behind him. Something horribly nostalgic, and terrifying, rises in Levi’s stomach, it reminds him far too much of the night before they went to retake Maria, before Erwin -

“What’s happening?”, he asks, tries to keep his breath even. “You - you have to tell me, if you know something, if -”

“I don’t know anything, Levi”, he says. “And that worries me most”.

“What?”

Erwin shrugs, and scrapes a hand through his hair. “Things changed, while you were gone, there is a desire for revenge, it’s seeping into everyone. I thought - I thought our attack on Liberio might sate it, I thought it might remind them what war looks like. But it’s emboldened the sentiment, I think, and I -”

“You told me, I know, political skirmishes, that they are fine with squashing the world. That’s insanity though, and Eren doesn’t have the fucking balls to pull it off”, Levi snaps.

Erwin is silent, completely silent. His head shakes ever so slightly.

“Today was nice, wasn’t it?”, he murmurs, after a moment. “Can we just - can we just sleep?”

Levi feels the desire to fight on it slip out of him. He’s tired too, and still affection-warm, and the future seems so distant, in this forest, faraway from it all. Erwin is impossible to argue with when he looks dejected.

Levi rests his head on his chest, clothes changed and lamp out. The forest is loud tonight; owls and cicadas, the odd snap of a branch.

“I’ll kill him”, Levi murmurs. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll fight as much as we need”.

Erwin’s throat sounds choked when he inhales, presses his nose to the crown of Levi’s head. “I don’t want you to have to fight at all, Levi”.

Chapter Text

World peace is none of Levi’s business. He wishes everyone would stop congratulating him on achieving it. He didn’t. He just stopped one travesty, really, by committing another. And besides, it’s all about the angle. What they did was betrayal back home, they killed a hero, and made him a martyr, and now Erwin is hounded and hated on Paradis as he was when he was head of the Survey Corps. Levi is a traitor too, he supposes, although they never held him to quite the same gold standard they held Erwin, or Levi never positioned himself there. 

Maybe they got what was coming to them. To be loathed by the place you would have sacrificed everything to protect. To be lauded as a hero by the country that tortured you. 

It all happened too fast, and yet, Levi can still see it in vivid detail when he closes his eyes. Zeke had offered them an ultimatum, had said, I like you, I do, so let me tell you my plan , and of course, it had been bat shit, and Levi hadn’t had a chance to ram a foot into his mouth before he’d screamed himself an army of people Levi had once called comrades. 

And then it was betrayal after betrayal, Eren’s and Zeke’s, and half of Paradis on the side of annihilation, until it was up to him and Erwin, and those poor kids they dragged into hell with them. 

So now they are here. Erwin has sealed deals, and signed treaties, and even if the whole of Paradis is furious with him, somehow now they are here. In some country Levi can’t spell the name of. The first city on their map - Erwin’s map. Erwin who only looks bright eyed when his curious gaze is moving around, and whose shoulders slump as soon as the novelty goes away. 

It doesn’t matter, really. Levi has seen his body torn up and destroyed, the result of Zeke blowing himself up to kill them, of Erwin jumping in front of him to shield him from the explosion. He had watched him regenerate slowly, painful hours spent staring. He remembers every detail, the hole in his stomach and his face crumbling, remembers exactly how it felt. Sometimes when he closes his eyes that’s all that’s left in his mind, the memory of that day and Shiganshina melting into each other until nothing is left of Erwin at all.

So Levi can handle him with his head hung low and the proud tilt of his jaw gone. It’s a miracle they are even here. It’s a miracle Erwin does not have a death sentence hanging over his head still. It ended better than Levi had ever dared to hope. 

And yet. 

“We should go explore, tonight”, Erwin says from where he is sat at the desk. Their room is chilly, the cold seeps into Levi’s bones. “The woman at the desk told me there are a few nice shops and restaurants nearby”. 

Levi is exhausted, honestly. It’s disorienting, to not be able to snap out of it like he used to. To not feel that spark inside himself he’d try to access when he was at his limit. 

“I am not -”, he starts, swallows. Turns his head to the side so he is not looking at Erwin. “Can we go another night?” 

There is a moment of silence, then steps on the wooden floor before the bed dips with Erwin’s weight next to him.

“Too tired?”, he murmurs, and Levi can hear the hint of disappointment in his voice. 

“No”, he says, squeezes his eyes shut. Sits up. “It’s fine. Let’s go. I just need to wash”. 

Erwin is staring at him, eyes piercing. “I can go on my own if you -”

“No”, Levi interrupts, harsh. He can feel his fingers trembling with anxiety. “No, I am coming”. 

Letting Erwin out of his sight seems impossible, these days. What’s more pathetic is that it doesn’t even matter if Levi is with him or not, now. He’d probably fall over at the first attack. 

It’s not like he has needed to fight since that day. No-one wants to fight. Erwin takes his hand, kisses his knuckles. 

“Whatever you want, Levi”.

He says that a lot. Which is disconcerting, because Levi has never been allowed to want anything before and has no idea how to start. It wasn’t strange to conceptualise that severing the connection to whatever creature was giving them all this curse, would take away the gifts that came with it. Levi had only been thinking, weak with relief, that it meant Erwin had his whole life ahead of him. And it was only a while later that he’d realised there was something missing inside him too. Now he has to live like everyone else. 

He fights off a yawn, and gets himself dressed. Erwin only takes him for dinner, doesn’t make him browse shops. Levi finds consumption tetchy, Erwin knows, and he has a low threshold for enjoying it. Food has a purpose, so he finds it easier. Clothes he doesn’t mind either, they are necessary. 

This country is further north of Marley, but it’s a territory, they speak the same language, or swap out their own when they serve Erwin and him. Erwin is charming their server with questions about her family; if she grew up here, if she likes it. Her brother goes to university in a place Erwin had questioned about, faraway so she doesn’t see him much. He had asked the name, and taken note of it. 

She knew who they were. They had their pictures taken and plastered across every newspaper in every language. These people are so grateful to be alive sometimes it overwhelms him. He feels a lot more emotional these days, actually. Or he doesn’t have the capacity to push it aside anymore, now there is nothing to push it aside for. 

They don’t pay for dinner. 

“That’s a good trick”, Levi tells him. The air is chilled, it makes Levi cough into the crook of his elbow. “Charm us free dinners wherever we go, would you?” 

Erwin slings an arm around him, tips his head up to look at the rooftops. “I’m just curious”. 

“Overly chatty”, Levi tuts. “You should be careful, seriously”.

“Of what?”, Erwin asks, and his voice is soft and far too young sounding. “What do we have to be afraid of?” 

Levi pushes his arm off. “I don’t know, Erwin. We can just keep running then”.

Erwin grabs his wrist, something ripples through him when he realises he can’t pull away. That was an unfair thing to say, he thinks, only after.

“I am not  -” Erwin looks pale in the dark street, the gold of the street light not giving him any colour. “That’s not what I am doing. Do you think that’s what we are doing?” 

“I don’t know!”, Levi snaps. “I don’t know what we are doing, Erwin. I have no concept of what we are doing. I don’t - I -” He breaks off. “I just want to enjoy this and I can’t. Do you not think about it? Back home? -” 

“Of course I do”, Erwin murmurs. “I -” 

“You don’t -” Levi can feel some writhing injustice slither through him. “Think we should have stayed, maybe?”

They have skirted around it so much over the last few weeks. Erwin wrote an open letter, once the dust had settled, it spoke of the meaning of freedom, and what moving forward meant, the importance of finding a place in the world, and of seeing it too, collaboration in the face of destruction. Historia still writes to them, told them it was badly received. A lot of Erwin’s actions have been scrutinised suddenly, by men who were singing his praises and parroting his words not too long ago. 

“Do you want to go back there, Levi?”, he asks, and takes a step forward, a strange look in his eyes. Levi’s back hits the wall behind him. “I don’t”. And he laughs, croaked. “I really don’t. I don’t want to sit in rooms and argue with people too small-minded to think about anything . The same people who, what, ten years ago I was convincing you were a person too, that you deserved a chance to live in sunlight . I now need to argue that - that - that girl, who gave us our food, whose brother goes to university, and every other life like hers didn’t deserve to end? And even then, even then, they’d probably throw me back in jail and execute me, and you. What has that place ever done for you, Levi? What has it ever done for me? Killed my father for the sin of thinking, and will continue to kill anyone who wants a chance to see a world they’d rather level than experience”.

Levi breathes hard, their eyes locked. 

“I just thought -”, he tries, stops. “I thought -”

He doesn’t know what he thought. That’s part of the problem, really. He had never thought about what would come after, had never dared to let himself imagine. Levi is pragmatic, he deals with reality. I thought you’d care more than this , he wants to say, and stops himself because he knows it’s cruel and untrue. It’s just that he feels so - listless, now, now that they apparently have nothing more to do. Now that Erwin has decided there is nothing more to do. 

“It doesn’t matter”, he croaks in the end. Erwin looks too pale in front of him. He doesn’t even know how this argument started. “I am sorry, I am just tired”. 

Erwin stares at him for a second more, his jaw set. He almost looks like the Commander again, Levi thinks, and hates himself for thinking it. Maybe he’ll call Levi out on his bullshit, maybe he’ll get home and start writing another letter, maybe then he’ll give Levi something to do -

Erwin exhales, heavy, looks away. “No, it’s my fault”, he says, quietly. “I insisted on going out. I should have let you rest”. 

There is not enough rest in the world that will make Levi get his strength back. He bites the inside of his cheek, moves away from the wall and continues down the street. 

“There is time”, he says, and feels the words hit with how true they are. That’s all they have now, really. Time. It’s somehow both beautiful and terrifying. 

Back in their room he watches Erwin draw a bath Levi knows he doesn’t even want. He lets himself be cajoled into it anyway, his back to Erwin’s chest and eyes closed. He can almost ignore the pretense like this, when he is not shivering from the cold and Erwin is solid and still against him. Like this, he can almost believe they are really at peace. 

-

He wakes up with the sun high in the sky. It’s odd - he sleeps fitfully, wakes up from nightmares, but apparently can sleep well into lunchtime now. He never used to, really, even when he managed to sleep past sunrise. It’s slightly disorienting. 

Erwin is still in the room, at least, even if he is already dressed to leave and staring out of the window. Levi can see him thrumming with the desire to just head into the streets. It’s a miracle he has not done that, really, but Levi thinks he scared him with how furious he had gotten over it, once, over waking up and finding himself alone and without the instinctive knowledge that Erwin was safe. They are both learning, in their own ways. 

Levi stretches, joints aching. His eyes still feel heavy. 

“I just need a minute”, he mutters, gets out of bed. Erwin doesn’t even turn.

He splashes cold water on his face, looks at himself in the mirror. He looks both puffy and gaunt - an odd dichotomy. He has never had this much time to notice the way he looks, has never had these many mirrors around him either. He wonders if Erwin felt like this too, after Levi injected him - if he felt the same odd detachment from his own body, the things it could do. The things it can’t anymore, in Levi’s case. It was probably worse for Erwin, Levi decides, splashing his face again, and he should really fucking stop acting like a little bitch, because he isn’t the one who lost and regrew a whole arm. 

“Breakfast maybe”, Erwin calls. “At that little place down the road, we went a few days ago”.

It’s not breakfast anymore, Levi knows. 

“Sure”, he calls back. “And then those shops we didn’t do”.

“I -” Erwin begins, and cuts off, sheepish and soft. It’s strange. They’ve never been this before; lovers, lovers who compromise and bicker, who don’t quite know how to judge the other's mood. “I’d really like that”.

Levi can’t fight the smile that tugs at his cheek. “Good”.

They have a good day, all things considered. The shops are sweet, and Erwin never really wants to buy, he only wants to look. It’s just strange sometimes, strange to see him so unguarded, even if they were always unguarded, strange to think of the months Levi spent in Marley in abject misery, and strange to think of all that came before and since. It’s just odd how quickly you get used to not fighting. Maybe Levi is just terrified by the idea he might have to again, terrified by the idea he can’t. 

After dinner, the woman at the front desk catches his attention. “There was a call for you, Mr. Ackerman”.

He’s really not used to anyone using his last name. And truly he’s not sure how calls work either, but he just nods. Erwin frowns, but just shrugs. 

“I’ll get us some wine?” 

It sounds good. Levi likes the booze outside of Paradis. It has more flavour, and he quite enjoys a buzz now he can actually enjoy it. It makes Erwin smile wider, it makes Levi laugh gently. 

They re-call for him, and hand him the receiver as it clicks through, connects. Levi sort of knows who it’s going to be, eyes falling shut as he leans back against the desk. 

“It took me a while to track you both down”. Zeke’s voice is smooth, scuffed with the crackle of distance, but the same as ever. 

He supposes this mistake would catch up eventually. He saved Zeke Yeager’s life. He tries not to dwell on it too much. It was just - it felt right in the moment. He could have killed him on sight, but Zeke’s eyes were wide and he called Levi’s name with such a terrified resolution to die. Levi had severed his legs from the Founding Titan, let him heal and then handed him readily over to Marley. 

“I thought you would be in jail”, Levi says into the receiver. “Or dead. I was praying”.

“Well, you know me”. Zeke inhales. Levi can almost smell the smoke. “I can talk my way out of a lot. I’m working now, sort of, non-profit with Yelena and Onyankopon, handing out blankets to orphans. You’d love it, really”.

“Oh”, Levi says, forcing himself to swallow. That sounds a worthy cause. Levi so desperately wants to feel worthy.  “We are -” 

“Travelling?”, Zeke says, with a knowing sort of tone. Levi grimaces. “Of course. I told you to, didn't I?” 

“You also tried to kill me, fairly mercilessly”.

There is a pause. “I am sorry”.

“Stow it”, Levi mutters. “I really don’t care”.

“it’s gone, isn’t it?”, Zeke asks, soft. “Like it’s gone for Erwin and I, that power in you. Are you alright?” 

Levi clenches his jaw, feels a tremble run through him. 

“I am fine. I have all my limbs and can still throw a punch”, he says, terse. He expects a chuckle but can only hear Zeke take a drag of his cigarette on the other side of the line. 

“It must be hard. Have you thought about what you’ll do?” 

What he’ll do when? After? He has been living in the after. He still cannot envision past what they are doing now. 

“Why did you call me, Zeke?” 

“Can’t I just want to check on an old friend? You saved me after all”. 

Spared would be a better word. Or maybe condemned, who knows. Levi doesn’t feel like correcting him. 

“I guess”. 

There is a pause. Levi hears Zeke shift, clear his throat. 

“Is it still the same with him?” 

“What is?”, Levi asks, irritated. He doesn’t fucking want to play the guessing game. 

“You know. The bond”. 

The question hits him in the face like a slap. It’s the first time he has considered it, is the truth. The only thing he has ever noticed is not just knowing if Erwin was safe, when he wasn’t right in front of him. The thought makes his head spin for a second, makes him feel dizzy with panic. 

“Fuck off”, he gets out, slightly breathless. “Nothing has changed between us”. 

Zeke hums. “Not even for him?” 

Levi throws the phone down, harsh. It slams loudly over the desk, makes the woman who made the call for him startle slightly where she is cleaning one of the windows. Levi stares at the phone, breathing hard, almost expects it to start ringing again, loud and insistent. But it doesn’t. 

“Is everything alright?”, the woman asks, closer now. Levi had not even heard her move. He would have, before all of this. 

“Yeah”, he manages. “Yeah, everything is fine”. 

He turns, heads towards the stairs without another word. His heart is beating too loud in his chest. 

He knows, really, that nothing had changed between them. Or everything has changed, but what they have hasn’t. He thinks about holding Erwin when he wakes up gasping at night, the Colossal gone but his and others’ memories still with him, thinks about stroking his hair until his tremors subside and his breath evens and his grip tightens around Levi’s waist like he needs him as proof of what’s real. It’s not science, it’s not an experiment. It’s nothing that can be changed so quickly. 

So he knows, deep down. He knows. But he also knows they weren’t always like this. He knows what Erwin saw in him Underground, knows he sought him out for his strength. What can he actually give Erwin, when he doesn’t have that anymore? When he cannot protect him, when he is so tired he can barely protect himself? 

He must open the door louder than he realises because Erwin’s gaze snaps to him immediately when he enters the room, brows furrowed in concern already. 

“What happened?” 

“Nothing”, Levi manages. “Just - Zeke. He called”. 

Erwin nods. “What did he have to say?” 

“Marley let him go”, Levi says. “He is working in Liberio - or what is left of it - or something, making amends”.

“Court mandated or good will?” Erwin manages a smile. 

“Apparently the latter”. Levi’s jaw works. 

Erwin makes a considering face. “That’s good of him”.

There is a pause between them. Erwin pours two glasses. Levi feels like there is something in his throat. 

“Listen”, Levi begins, hands pressed to the wall behind his back. “We - he -” He starts again. Lately he’s noticed that his tone can be too harsh for Erwin to handle, too sour and too sharp. He used to spit his thoughts straight out his mouth, Erwin used to seem to always handle it. “I know this isn’t easy for you. I know I’m not the easiest company, too.  I - I’m sorry if I’m too -” I don’t want to be another burden for you. He doesn’t say it. 

“Levi”, Erwin murmurs. It makes his eyes close, like a caress. “What did he say to you?” 

“It’s so stupid”. Levi scrapes a hand through his hair. “He just asked if I still -” He works his jaw. “That bond, thing -” 

“The one we decided probably didn’t exist?” Erwin gives him a warm smile. 

“That one”, Levi agrees, lip quirking. “But I don’t know, nothing has changed, I just - I feel so tired, and you - this - all this - is all you ever wanted. You told me we could go anywhere, and see anything, and I know that’s beautiful to you but it’s - it’s terrifying to me. You are right, I don’t want to go home, I honestly could never go home. You are right, they never treated me well, or you. I just - I don’t know. There is no bond and I still just want to follow you, and I feel like I should - want more”.

Erwin just gazes at him, soft. 

“I don't’ know”, Levi whispers. “I really don’t know”.

“It’s not wrong to live for yourself, Levi”, Erwin says soft. “I know you -” His jaw works. 

“I feel so selfish”, he whispers, too raw. “I just feel so selfish”.

He sits on the armchair in front of Erwin, sprawls. Erwin is looking at him, his lips pursed. 

“I know you are not used to this”, he says, voice steady. “I am not, either. I just - haven’t we done enough, Levi?”, he asks, and really it sounds more like he is begging. His grip is tight on the arm of his chair, his eyes too wide and too blue all of a sudden. Levi swallows, looks at him.

He doesn’t know how to give Erwin absolution. Many dislike him, many hate him. They have brought war and destruction and pain. Levi knows that. He can deal with it. Even if the thought of everyone they couldn’t save makes his throat dry and his chest heavy. They did what they had to do. 

It’s different for Erwin, he knows. Levi wasn’t the one calling the shots, not really. 

“It’s not about that”, he mutters. “You gave them everything. Fuck, Erwin, you were going to die for them. And you have your dream, and you have always had it, but I don’t. I don’t - I am not like you, I am not - I can’t -” He can hear how fast he is breathing, suddenly. He hates it. He used to be able to control these things. “I didn’t make promises, I didn’t have any dreams. All I knew was how to fight for you. And now I can’t even do that”. Finally admitting it after dancing around the truth for so long exhausts him. When he looks down at his hands he can see them shaking in his lap. “I can’t -” He swallows. “I can’t be that for you anymore”. 

“I don’t want you to”, Erwin murmurs. Levi doesn’t dare look up at him. “I don’t need you to”.  Erwin leans forward, takes Levi’s hand. When Levi meets his gaze he looks desperate, eyebrows pulled up. 

“Do you really think I want you to fight more? That I want to put you through more? Everytime I think about the things I have asked you to do -”

“You had to make choices”, Levi interrupts, forceful. “It’s not - it’s not about that. I don’t think that. I just - I -” He blinks, fast. “We had roles, right? And I - it helped. I could be your - your -” He flushes, furiously. How fucking pathetic. “I knew how to help you. What I could give you. I don’t know that anymore”.

“I would take anything”, Erwin laughs. “Scraps of your attention, Levi -” 

“Don’t charm me”, Levi warns. “I’m not - I can’t -” 

He tightens his grip on Levi’s hand. “I put you through hell –” 

“I would have followed you there anyway”, Levi whispers, purses his lips against this lump in his throat. “I just - I - we have done so much damage. Did we fuck that kid up? Did we use him for our cause and break him? And if we did then is this all our fault? And I know -” He breathes. “I know it’s happened, it’s happened . And it could have been so much worse, and it would have been without you. It’s justified, right? When I’m your Captain and you’re my Commander. But now we are just us, and I can’t justify any of it”.

“What about me?”, Erwin asks, slow. “Can you justify that choice? I shattered any illusions I was a good man that day, and you chose me anyway”.

“I never thought you were a good man”, Levi strokes his cheek, jaw tight. 

“What gave it away?”, Erwin laughs, incredulous, he’s pale now, trembling slightly. “When I - I forced you to join the military? When I saved Eren for my own gain? Or - maybe when I let Annie Leonhart destroy half a city, or let her kill your squad, or when I tricked those kids into killing themselves with me. Maybe when I burnt Liberio to the ground to bring you home”. He scrapes a hand through his hair. “I don’t have anything to offer Paradis, Levi. Really, I have nothing to offer this world, so I think I just get to see it. Do I deserve that?” 

Levi licks his lips, can’t find words. “Of course you do”.

“I don’t know”, Erwin admits, crouching to meet Levi’s eyes. “I don’t know. I was so angry at you, when you brought me back, because dying felt like some absolution for what I had done. Telling you about my shameful little dreams, and your voice when you told me to die, it was absolution. Then I woke up, and my dreams were - there, and solid in front of me” He wipes a hand over his face. “And I thought about my father, he had such genuine hope, and I had none anymore. He would have been broken, if he knew what it was like out here. That it’s just as bad and cruel as behind those walls”. He laughs, choked, and wipes his face, tears in his eyes. Levi feels his stomach drop. “He would never be proud of me, I know that. He would hate everything I have become. Enjoying this feels so wrong, and yet, I can’t help myself. How awful is that?” 

Levi grits his teeth. Erwin’s head drops to Levi’s knee. 

“I caught it, on your face”, Levi whispers. “How much you love traveling, and seeing these places. And it hurts because -” 

“I am a monster?”, Erwin chokes. 

Levi tilts his head up. “No. No, because I am not  - I don’t feel - I don't know how to enjoy it. And I want you to be happy”.

Erwin looks at him, lost. “Sometimes I think I am. Or that I could be. And then I close my eyes and all the memories, mine and of those before me, they all come flooding”.

Levi’s chest feels too tight. He cradles Erwin’s cheek in his palm. 

“Do you - do you still wish I hadn’t brought you back?”, he croaks. He doesn’t know if he really wants to hear the answer. 

Erwin swallows, doesn’t speak, just shakes his head. He takes Levi’s hand, kisses his palm. 

“At times”, he admits, quietly. “But when I think about how much we have to see - when I look at you. I am grateful. That might be the worst part”. 

“I don’t regret it”, Levi gets out. “I don’t”.

Erwin nods, slow. The quiet stretches.

Levi shifts in the chair, like his body can’t quite sit still. “I ache all over after we have walked too long sometimes”, he mutters. It’s abrupt, off-topic, but his voice sticks to it.

Erwin doesn’t react. Just watches him, careful

Levi exhales through his nose. “Not the point. I know. Just - feels like a curse sometimes”.

“I thought we had gotten rid of that”, Erwin says, dry. “Didn’t we?”

Levi huffs. Rubs at his face. “Right”.

He goes quiet again. Then: “You remember that first village we went to, on the coast?” he asks, voice lower. “The one with the blue-tiled roofs”.

Erwin nods. “You didn’t like it”.

“I did”, Levi says, throat heavy. “I just - I was in pain. I couldn’t understand how I could be in so much pain, just walking around a seaside town. It felt easier to pretend I wasn’t enjoying what was in front of us than admitting that”. He swallows. “That’s pathetic, isn’t it”.

A pause. Erwin’s mouth twists. “I could tell. You are not a very good liar, you have never been”.

“I know”.

Another silence. Levi shifts forward, resting his forearms on his knees. His voice, when it comes again, is flat. It’s easier to force it out like this than showing everything that he is been keeping inside. 

“I’ve been trying not to notice how different you look at me now”.

Erwin frowns. “I don’t -”

“You do”, Levi cuts in. “Not in a bad way. Just different. Like you’re... checking”.

“I’m not”.

“You are”.

Erwin looks away. “Maybe”. 

Levi nods. He knew that already. He had found it suffocating at the beginning, insulting. He still does, in some ways. “I’m trying not to mind. But I do”.

Erwin clasps his hands together between his knees. “What is it you think I see?”

Levi shrugs. “Someone you have to take care of”, he gets out, cheeks flushing.

“I’ve always taken care of you”.

“No”, Levi says, quiet. “You didn’t have to”. 

Something flickers in Erwin’s expression. Guilt, perhaps, Levi doesn’t know. He doesn’t answer.

Levi picks at the seam on his trouser leg. “It’s hard to know what’s left. Of me. Of us”. 

Erwin swallows, looks almost chastised. 

“I suppose I wanted -” Erwin closes his eyes. “I suppose I thought - at first - that maybe after everything you had done for me, you might want me to take care of you. Or no -” He scrunches his eyes closed. “I wanted to take care of you. I just wanted to, for no reason other than I have always wanted to”.

Levi feels his skin tingle, like the blood in his veins is too hot, like it’s pushing against his cheeks. 

“I wanted that too”, Levi murmurs. “Before everything went to shit, I wanted - I wanted you to take care of me after I came home from Marley. Now that I actually need it -” 

“You don’t want it”, Erwin smiles. “You are a contrary thing, Levi, you always have been”.

Levi tuts, rolls his eyes. “It’s just hard to accept it. You shouldn’t have to deal with me snapping over it, though”.

“No”, Erwin disagrees. “I suppose it’s selfish of me too. It’s the only thing that gives - meaning, I think. I would feel hollow, seeing this world alone”.

“I would too”, Levi admits. “So - we should get over ourselves, huh?” 

“I am so guilty”, Erwin admits, practically a whisper. “All the time. But I don’t want you to be, I would hate for you to be. You had no part in my scheming, Levi”.

“I just made sure it all happened”, Levi murmurs. “And now, I can’t even do that”.

Erwin strokes his hair. “Lucky I am done scheming, then, surely?” 

Levi huffs a laugh. “Yeah, maybe”.

There is a pause. 

“I keep thinking about all that time in Marley, trying to seek out information, falling apart and dreaming of you in the thirty minutes I let myself sleep. What was all that for? Those people are all gone. All those useless tests on me, for a power that’s gone anyway. I don’t know - what a waste of time”.

“Not a waste”, Erwin tuts, half a smile on his face. “I know all about your terrible immune system. I was not surprised you need rest”, Erwin murmurs with baring honesty. “I know how it feels”.

They have not spoken about this, not really, they have skirted around it. But Levi feels this weight of his shoulders, suddenly, at being able to talk freely. It takes the humiliation away, a little, just talking. 

“I need a lot of rest”, Levi cringes. 

“We have nothing but time”, Erwin says, softly, sweet and warm.

Levi stares into his blue eyes. Is this enough for Erwin? A world to explore and Levi’s surly face, his rude comments and standoffish behaviour, his inability to let himself enjoy anything past bare necessities. It is enough for Levi, it’s more than enough. It seems to be for Erwin too, from the way his face pulls into a smile every morning when Levi wakes. 

“Are you putting on a brave face for me, Erwin?”, Levi whispers, caresses his cheek. “I don’t want you to. I don’t need you to. There is nothing you need to put yourself together for anymore”. 

Erwin flinches slightly, eyes squeezing shut for a second. His breath seems artificially even. 

“It’s been difficult, not to fall apart”, he says, slow, an admission. “Sometimes I think that if I’d let it happen, I couldn’t fix myself back up”. 

Levi swallows. It’s disarming to see Erwin so honest. He is not hiding that well, anymore, has not been in a long time. Levi could tell, those final weeks of war, that Erwin was keeping himself sane through sheer force of will, that he didn’t have anymore to give. No one did, really, but it was different for Erwin. Levi strokes his thumb over the skin under his eye, feels his breath stutter out of him.

“We have nothing but time”, Levi murmurs back to him. “You need to let go, Erwin. You can’t carry all of that around”. 

“Maybe”, Erwin breathes out. He hunches slightly, face pressing into Levi’s leg. Levi scratches his nails at his nape. He looks like a child like this, too big for his games now. Trying to hide away. “Maybe”.

This is the most he’ll get out of him today, Levi thinks, cards his fingers through his hair absentmindendly. That’s fine. Maybe Erwin does not need him to be strong, maybe he just needs him to not be his subordinate anymore. Not someone he needs to be the Commander for. Levi can do that, he thinks, he can see it more clearly now. He can throw away his title, and Erwin’s, and whatever else exists between them that makes Erwin curl into himself at night when he thinks Levi is asleep, makes him turn the pillow around to hide the tears he sometimes cries during nightmares. Levi bends down, presses a kiss to the top of his head. 

“Let’s go to bed”, he mutters, eyes closing. Erwin nods slightly, the hint of a movement, takes a shuddering breath in. He doesn’t move. Levi pretends not to feel the material of his trousers getting wet. He just lets him be. When Erwin moves away his eyes are red but dry. 

“Let’s”, he gets out, clears his voice.

In bed he brings Erwin close, his head on Levi’s chest. Levi’s heartbeat feels calmer, steadier. It’s easier to accept this new role now that they have spoken it out loud. 

“I have seen the ugliest parts of you, Erwin”, he whispers, feels Erwin tense against him and holds him closer, reassuringly. “You don’t need to hide from me”.

Erwin doesn’t answer. Levi runs his fingers down his arm, the hint of a caress, up and down. He can make himself softer if that’s what Erwin needs. Not a blade, anymore. Something dulled, maybe, something gentler.  

He was not the type of man to have virulent wishes, the types he saw in people around him Underground, cursing anyone who dared have a good life. 

“What do you want to do next, Levi?”, Erwin asks. “What do we - how do we…” He trails off. 

It’s a vast question. An ocean of opportunity that feels impossible not to drown in. He closes his eyes. Up until now he has just shrugged, and gone where Erwin desires. Has tried to hold a semblance of his role, even as it’s fractured around him. 

“I want to go somewhere warmer, after this”, he murmurs, and he knows, maybe, that’s not what Erwin meant. “Eat good food, and lie down not because I’m tired, just because I can. I can’t - I can’t visit another building”, he admits.  “Or look at another statue. Sorry”.

Erwin chuffs a laugh. “I like hearing what you want. Somewhere warm? Further south than Liberio, maybe. Or further east”.

“You could read one of the many books you’ve bought”, Levi hums. 

“Quite”, Erwin murmurs. 

There is a pause. Levi closes his eyes, breathes in, breathes out. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to - fight earlier”.

Erwin shakes his head. “It’s not a fight, Levi. Just a conversation”.

Yes. Nothing needs to be a fight anymore, Levi supposes. 

-

They take a boat south. The passenger ones are nicer than military vessels, by a long fucking shot. The rooms have big beds and furnishings, and you hardly feel like you are in motion. There is a lot that Levi struggles to wrap his head around, like how there can be a swimming pool on a boat, or a gymnasium, how there can be a full kitchen with all the food you could imagine. But he lets it wash over him. 

He’s glad the boat is enormous, though, because wherever Levi goes someone recognises him, wants to shake his hand, or tell him how he saved their lives. 

Erwin is reading in one of the lounges, two fingers of whisky on the glass table beside him. The sun is lighting the sea red, just touching the horizon, and Levi is finding that some skills are still in his blood; he’s trouncing a forty something Marleyan academic at pool. 

“So you play often?”, the man asks. He has to do something, he’s not had a shot at the table in a while. 

“No”, Levi murmurs, voice concentrating. There is the rich clink of resin on resin. The black ball slips neatly into a pocket. “Not often at all”.

“Oh”, he says, and can’t quite hide his disappointment. “Well, you play very well”.

“Another?” 

The man shakes his head, takes his leave with half a smile. Erwin looks up, gaze so overly fond. 

“Scaring away potential friendships”, he says, eyebrows raising. 

“Where was that drink he said he’d buy me if I won?”, Levi hums, leans his weight back against the table. 

Erwin is smiling at him,  indiscernible and private. Levi feels so watched under his blue gaze. 

“What?”, Levi asks, suddenly far too conscious of himself to not feel sullen. 

“Nothing”. He shakes his head. “You -” And Levi watches him try and find the words. “You are very competitive”.

“I am not”, Levi clicks his tongue. 

“I think it’s sweet”.

“ Sweet” , Levi breathes, comes to sit by Erwin. “Enough”. Again, that gaze. Levi purses his lips. “ Enough ”.

“I just feel I am coming to know you”, Erwin murmurs, as though it confuses him too. 

“You do know me”. Levi rolls his eyes, and takes his whisky, even if the taste makes his nose curl. “You know me better than anyone”.

“It’s different”, Erwin says, and doesn’t elaborate. Levi sinks into the leather, and looks at him under his lashes. 

“It’s different”, he echoes. “Alright”.  

In the days that follow he starts to understand what Erwin means. Levi watches move through this mundane life. He is curious about everything, which Levi knew, but he didn’t realise just how much. He could talk to the walls, really, which is just as well, because Levi can entertain him only to a point. He talks to old ladies and rich men and teenagers on holiday with parents, to cleaners and waiters and bartenders, about everything and anything. Inane things. Card games and clothes and food. He is interested in all of it. It’s almost childish, Levi thinks. Like a kid finding out about their own reflection. 

Erwin is sheepish about it, sometimes. Gets in conversations that last an hour or more and realises only when they are over that Levi has not contributed a single word. Levi waves his excuses away. 

“I like listening”, he says. Erwin presses a kiss to the top of his head. That’s another thing Levi is getting used to, he guesses. How easy Erwin is becoming with his affection. He supposes he has always enjoyed eyes on him, on Levi, on the two of them together - but this feels different. It’s not for show, or to make a statement. It’s just easy. Comfortable. 

Not everything is. Erwin’s nightmares get worse. Levi’s do too, maybe out of some weird symbiotic attachment, but he can’t let that show. Erwin’s gaze is unseeing sometimes when Levi tries to shake him awake, his limbs stiff like stone. It makes Levi ache with an odd sort of fear, makes him shake at night when all he sees is Erwin’s pale and tired face, his guts spilled over the battlefield, blood pooling out of his mouth. He doesn’t dream about anyone else. That makes him feel guilty, too. Isn’t that fucked up? To only think about the living. He left so many comrades behind, and all he can think about is the man next to him. 

Sometimes Erwin doesn’t sleep at all. Levi tries to stay awake with him and fails, again and again and again. It’s like all his alertness has left him, and that’s disorienting. He wakes up bleary-eyed with Erwin reading next to him, dark bags under his eyes, drinking tea and snacking on food he presumably left the room for, or called someone to deliver. And Levi never hears any of it. 

He starts dreaming about that, too. Shadows he can’t see and noises he cannot hear. He becomes paranoid about clearing their room, locking the door, sleeping with weapons nearby. Precautions in case he is taken by surprise, now that his senses have apparently abandoned him. 

“Your body knows it can rest, now”, Erwin tells him, glasses perched on his nose. He looks tired but healthy. “That’s instinct, too”. 

Levi clicks his tongue. What a stupid notion. Danger is always around, even if it’s not as visible. 

They don’t really fuck. Levi starts noticing after a week or so. It starts bothering him, too, even if he is always too tired at night and Erwin too wrecked by his guilt. He is trying to hide, still. Levi catches him multiple times staring at his book as if he is reading and never turning a page, lost in whatever images his mind is shoving at him. 

The routine becomes too much. He wanted rest and warmth and he got it. It’s not good for Erwin, to be this stuck, it’s not good for him either. He is relieved when he sees land on the horizon, maybe a night of travel away. 

“You’re that Commander”. It’s said at lunch, by a tall and tan man about Erwin’s age too. He has a look in his eye that Levi knows, that he sees in his own reflection, and in Erwin’s too. “Who saved the world”. The tone is wry. 

He introduces his wife, and they end up at a table together. Erwin likes to talk. 

“I was a General”, the man tells them, lights up a cigarette and offers a tin, where they sit in neat rows. Levi shakes his head. “In the East. I fought Marley too”. He raises his brows. “Lost, in a way, I suppose. Though, we all lose to Marley in the end. They strike too good a deal, and want too voraciously. It’s against the instincts of most of humanity, that kind of greed. Or so I like to think”.

“I think if cultivated, it’s in all of us”, Levi says, and surprises himself with it. He doesn’t usually talk at all. The General smiles at him, brief, seems to agree. 

“It was a short war, all things considered. The world ended before either of us could surrender”. He doesn’t sound disappointed, it’s just mild. His eyes look faraway, for a moment. “I was happy, when I heard: no more Titans. I had never seen anything like it when they dropped them on us. Reigning from the sky”. He takes a heavy breath in, exhales smoke. “War”, he says, with a quirk of his lip. 

“War”, Erwin agrees. 

“I hear things are bad in Paradis”, the General says. “Detritus. Only natural. The dust is still settling”.

“A -” Erwin breathes through his teeth. “Potent mixture of nationalism and ignorance, I suppose”.

The General shrugs. “You would have had a place at the top of that food chain, wouldn’t you?” 

Erwin smiles, a weak thing. “An old friend used to say similar things. Unfortunately I chose humanity, in the end”.

“Well, I thank you for it”, the General huffs. “Otherwise I would be smeared in some foot shaped crater, I think”. He doesn’t say it with the same reverence as others. Levi appreciates it. “I wouldn’t be too worried. These things are cyclical. Paradis was this - horror story for so long, this place no one would dare go near”, he shrugs. “You two don’t seem so bad”.

“How tolerant of you”, Levi says, blandly. 

“I tried”, Erwin says. “I wrote. I promised them this was no way forward”. 

The man gives him a once over. “They can’t hear it from you. You have the face of a soldier. You need young and pretty revolutionaries, trust me. My country was in pieces, before we joined the Eastern-alliance. I know what unrest looks like. Sometimes innocence is all we need to see, to remember our own”.

Levi ignores the nausea that rips through him. Erwin nods, takes it in without saying a word. 

“You’re a real poet”, Levi mutters, after a moment. 

“I’m a charlatan”, the General promises, and puts his hands up. “As most men of war are. Don’t tell my wife”, he winks, and Levi gives him a look that could be taken as a smile if someone was generous. Erwin laughs softly, too long after the joke lands.

The table quiets. The wine is low. The sea grumbles underneath them like something turning over in its sleep.

“I hope you enjoy your travels”, the General adds, after a pause. “We all deserve some pleasure, I think. After everything”. 

Erwin lifts his glass, contemplative. “Do we?”

Levi’s stomach drops. Erwin’s gaze has gone distant again. The General doesn’t seem to notice, chuckles lightly at the comment. 

“Here we are anyway. Might as well”. The General’s wife touches his arm, nods toward the hour. She looks nervous, likes she has realised how terse the air has become. The General nods at her.  “Well”, he says, rising with a sigh, “another day survived”.

He offers his hand. Erwin shakes it politely. Levi nods. Then they’re gone. For a while Erwin just sits there, still holding the rim of his glass, watching the waves move. The wind is making Levi’s arms break out in goosebumps. He stands up. Erwin’s gaze flickers to him.

“I am cold”, he mutters, and wonders if it’s enough to make Erwin focus on him instead of wherever else he is retreating. Erwin just nods, doesn’t speak at all as they walk back to their room. 

When they are inside Levi peels his jacket off and tosses it over the chair. Erwin is looking out of the window, motionless. 

“You’re doing it again”, Levi mutters, unbuttoning his cuffs. He forces his voice to stay even. “Getting dramatic about things no one even said”.

Erwin doesn’t reply at first. His arms are folded loosely across his chest, like he’s trying to take up less space. Or maybe he doesn’t notice the way he’s curled in on himself.

“He was right”, he says at last. “About needing something… young. Innocent”.

Levi makes a noise in his throat. “He was talking about propaganda”.

Erwin’s gaze flickers to him - dry, faintly amused. For a moment he looks back in his own body.  “So was I”.

Levi sits on the edge of the bed, starts pulling off his boots. “You’re not exactly old and grotesque, if that’s what you’re spiralling about”. He clicks his tongue. “Are you fishing for compliments? You lead a revolution yourself, pretty boy”. 

Erwin hums, looks out of the window again. Levi’s chest tightens. He doesn’t know what he has to do to make Erwin keep his gaze on him.

“So what?”, Levi asks. “Armin Arlert had a face that could turn authoritarians? Be fucking real”.

Erwin looks at him, surveys him. “No. He just might have had more fight left in him”.

“And what?” Levi tilts his head. “You think he would’ve moved against Eren as fast as you did? Billions more dead but you are right - Armin had very nice blue eyes”.

“You’re angry”, Erwin says, flatly. 

“I’m not”, Levi grits. “I’m just -” He swallows. “I get a little tired re-hashing this. You are here, I chose you and I think you want me to still feel guilty for that. But I don’t”.

Erwin chuffs, incredulous and shakes his head. It makes something fizz through Levi, unquenchable rage. He spent a year being low-eyed and meek over his decision, then he lived in Marley, and maybe it made him selfish. 

“Alright”, he says, and busies himself, looks anywhere but Erwin’s direction. “Armin would have been the poster boy for Eldian redemption. I fucked up. Sure, a couple million more might have been trampled, and I might be dead, or alone here, or Zeke might have blown me up in that forest, but you don’t really care about that -” 

“Don’t”, Erwin warns. 

“Get over it”, Levi hisses. “My god, get over it. I’m sorry, I can only I’m sorry so many fucking times”.

“Especially when you are not”, Erwin says, far too mild. 

“What the fuck do you want me to say?” Levi scrapes a hand through his hair. “That I’d rather not have this?” He motions between them, he feels feral with irritation. It always makes him cruel.  “That I’d rather be alone? This was a mistake, coming here. We should have continued north, I should have kept my mouth shut and followed you like I always do. You’re itchy to move, to not have to think. You say ‘haven’t we done enough?’ but you don’t believe it. I get it, I do. But I need a fucking break. I don’t know, maybe we should just go our own way”, he says, forcing his tone to be light. 

Erwin just stares at him, long. The regret is almost immediate. He can feel an apology on the tip of his lips. Erwin just stands, in one smooth motion, comes close, close enough to feel his breath. 

“Whether you’d rather be alone, is up to you”, he says, low and vicious and far too calm. “You brought me back to lead? I did it. Maybe your loneliness would give you something to gnash your teeth on, Levi. Your problem? You have never been wrong about anything in your life except me. Thinking you could kill me and then choosing not to, forgiving me the death of your friends and letting more kids die after sending me to my end, it’s all your only misstep -” 

Levi’s hand moves before he even thinks about it. Erwin catches his wrist, the grip impossible. His eyes widen, the air seems impossibly dense all of a sudden. 

“It was your decision, regretting it is yours as well. Unfortunately, these are my feelings. I’m sorry I can’t lead you neatly through the rest of our lives, Levi”, Erwin gets out, drops his grip. Levi’s wrist aches as he watches Erwin head to the door. 

“Where are you going?”, he croaks. 

Erwin chokes on a laugh. “Nowhere you can’t follow, don’t worry”.

The door slams shut. Levi looks at his hand, realising it’s trembling. His whole frame is. He feels suddenly frail, too small, smaller than usual. Erwin’s fingers had touched around his wrist. He knew that, of course, it just feels different now. He swallows, lowers himself on the bed, sitting down. He is shaking so hard he fears his legs might give out. He waits it out with his head between his knees, staring at the floor with his lungs not filling properly, until the worst has subsided and he can grab a glass of water without fear of smashing it to the floor. 

He drinks in small sips. His heart is still beating too fast in his chest, he can feel fear spiking inside him. Of what, he is not sure anymore. An hour must have passed and Erwin is not back. Not having him close makes panic build, turns his eyes wide and his breathing erratic. He should go look for him, he thinks, and then immediately puts the idea away. He doesn’t know where he is and this boat is massive. What would he even do, anyway? His legs can barely hold him up, and he doesn’t even know if he wants to see him. There has been exactly one time in his life he has felt scared of Erwin; it was not when Levi was looking up at him, drenched in mud and panting Underground, not after seeing him send thousands and thousands of people to their death, not even when his gaze was empty and his face pale and Levi was not sure if he was still all there. But seeing him grab Levi’s sword with his bare hands, face like stone and gaze like metal - that had terrified him. Knowing the strength of him, the extent of his conviction, his resolution, realising that he was helpless to it, could do nothing else but follow. It had filled him with dread, this suffocating, inescapable feeling of doom. 

He was scared earlier, too. Levi wonders if Erwin could tell. If he had seen the fear behind his eyes, felt the spike of terror in his pulse. He is not afraid of Erwin hurting him, really - it’s that if Erwin wanted to leave him behind, now, he could. He could knock Levi unconscious and disappear. Levi wouldn’t be able to find him.

In the end he curls in bed like a dog, staring at the door. His eyelids are getting heavier by the second but he wants to wait for Erwin to be back, wants to say sorry, wants to slap him and demand an apology too. He stares and stares and stares until his vision starts getting blurry, until all he can do is succumb to sleep.

When he wakes up again the room is dark. Someone must have turned off the light. He can see the contours of Erwin’s shape near the door, his finger near where he knows the lightswitch is. Just arrived, then. He is surprised he even woke up. His head is pounding and his mouth feels like cotton. He squeezes his eyes shut against the pain.

Around him Erwin is moving, steps as light as he can manage. Levi hears him undress, feels him lift the sheet from his side of the bed, slide in. Levi keeps his back to him. He wants to turn around and burrow his face into Erwin’s neck, wants to wait for him to fall asleep and punch him square in the nose. Fucker. His wrist throbs, a phantom sort of pain. 

Erwin shifts next to him, crawls closer. He lifts a hand, makes Levi tense instantly. 

“Levi”, Erwin whispers. Levi’s teeth grit. 

Erwin waits for a moment, mutters his name again. Levi can feel him close, propping himself up, looking down at him. He could reach out, Levi thinks, he could make himself soft, could hold Erwin close and kiss his forehead. Then he thinks of trying and failing to get out of his grip and feels helpless. If he gives in, if he gives this too, what will be left of him? If he makes himself pliant, how can he defend himself again? 

Erwin sighs, turns around, puts his head on the pillow. Levi bites his lip, stares into the dark. Erwin’s body feels warm next to him and Levi is so cold. He doesn’t turn. 

-

They disembark at a port town in the south east. The temperature is similar to how Liberio’s was, but the architecture is different. They’ve managed, impressively, to not speak the whole morning. 

But they are eating now, on a balcony with bright and beautiful flowers and warm sand-coloured stone walls, and around them everyone is talking and happy. 

“So was that a fight or a conversation?”, Levi asks, pours himself more tea. It’s excellent, he can’t lie. It’s making him attempt recourse. 

“That was a fight”, Erwin says, flatly, not raising his gaze from his book.

Levi crosses one leg over the other, angles himself slightly away. His shirt is rolled to his elbows, and all along his arm has broken out in dapples of freckles. His face is probably the same. Erwin is just generally bronzed, all over. Levi would find it attractive, if he wasn’t so angry. 

“There is a library in this city, it’s older than Paradis, one of the most beautiful in the world -” 

“You came here for the sun, didn’t you? And you’re not a voracious reader”. It’s mild, and far too cutting. Erwin licks his thumb, turns the page of his book. 

Levi’s tongue rests on his incisor, arms crossed. Something stings in his chest. 

“Alright”.

They fall into uncomfortable silence. Have they ever fallen out? He tries to rack his brain. These are the types of fall outs him and Furlan used to have; cold mornings, and terse afternoons, over stupid things like what they spent coins on, on who left bread out. 

Eventually there was just wordless forgiveness. Maybe he just has to wait for that here too. 

Levi studies the intricate patterns on the tiles under his seat. There are cracks in the ceramic, they cut through the red geometric shapes. He grits his teeth. 

Erwin closes his book, calls a waiter over to pay. “Just for future reference; you make me slightly regret opening up to you, if you throw it in my face when you can’t control your cruelty”.

Levi’s gaze meets his, sharp. His mouth opens, closes. 

“So this library?” Erwin raises his eyebrows, takes his bag and stands. 

It’s not a bad place to spend the afternoon, because it’s compulsory to be silent. Levi does a good job pretending to read about history, even as his stomach churns and Erwin’s words roll over in his head. He can’t stop thinking of a rebuttal, all the things he should have immediately said. He doesn’t mean to be cruel, it’s this defensive instinct inside him. Kenny did it too, would snap things that made Levi flinch back and then a few hours would go by and he’d ruffle his hair and say, sorry, boy, you know how I am. Levi doesn’t want to be like that. He really fucking doesn’t. 

Between one building and the next is a little suntrap of a garden. Levi settles in it, tilts his head back. Erwin is inside, still, but the dark and smell of the books is suffocating between that and the silence. At least, Levi thinks, there is light in his eyes. 

Alone, though, Levi enjoys the heat and the sound of chatter. His body doesn’t hurt, and the sun feels good, and only alone and unwatched here can he allow himself to enjoy it. He lets himself tip his head back and breathe in the fresh air, can smell the sea even from up the hill. He remembers, suddenly, how it felt to come up from Underground, how it felt to bask in the sun for the first time, to learn to enjoy the sensation even after Furlan and Isabel were gone. It makes his throat feel too raw and his eyes sting, for some reason.

It was so long ago and yet here he is, still aching. Hypocrite, Levi thinks. He should apologise to Erwin, probably. Should let him know he understands, even if he pretends he doesn’t. He pulls himself upright, blinking fast. He should -

With his eyes open and his head straight his gaze settles on the man in front of him, on the other side of the courtyard. He is already looking at Levi; staring, really. Levi met this man every day for months. Let him touch him and use instruments on him he never really understood. His doctor. Suddenly his nose fills with the phantom smell of Marley, the cars and the smoke, the bleach the doctor would use, the sterile odour of his office. Levi doesn’t even know his name. He would never forget his face, though. 

The doctor smiles, nervously, waves slightly before coming over. Fucking brave, Levi thinks, tenses up immediately, fingers digging into the arms of the chair he is sitting on. 

“I thought it might be you. I knew you’d survive”, the doctor says, coming closer. He stands in front of Levi. He is not an imposing man, Levi could take him as he is too but he feels the urge to stand up anyway, forces himself not to give into it. “I have a lot to apologise for, I suppose”. 

“I was expecting you to be dead”, Levi tells him, keeps his voice flat. The doctor’s lips purse. 

“Maybe I would have deserved that”, he says, quietly, sits down on the chair opposite Levi’s. The other visitors move around them, Levi can hear the chatter and sound of steps. 

He doesn’t answer, just keeps his eyes on the man in front of him. He can tell the doctor is unnerved by his gaze. It makes sense, Levi thinks, he watched him fight and kill man after man, titan after titan. The doctor wrings his hands, looks at his feet. 

“I don’t know why I did it, really”, the doctor says, fingers twitching in his lap like he’s afraid Levi will reach across and snap them. “Well - no. I do. It was the research. The opportunity”. He glances up, gives Levi a weak smile. “We’ll always need science, right? They gave me money and a position and I took it. I did what they wanted”. 

Levi’s jaw twitches. He stands up. “I really don’t fucking care”.

The doctor licks his lips. A nervous tick, maybe, but it makes Levi’s stomach lurch. 

“I regret it. I was part of something horrible. I always think about whether the results I got were worth it”. 

“Levi”, Erwin calls. Levi doesn’t take his gaze off the doctor, like he’s a real threat. It doesn’t matter, his body is reacting like he is one, even if he isn’t. In his peripherals he can see Erwin come close. “You wandered off”.

Yes, Levi thinks, irritably, if their positions were swapped Levi would probably be furious. Another thing Erwin can lord over him; his cruelty and his hypocrisy, his contrary and ugly nature - 

“Oh”, the doctor says. “You are here with friends. I am sorry. I presumed - I presumed you were alone”.

Erwin’s gaze falls on the man, and then Levi. “A friend, Levi?” 

“No”, Levi says, slowly, feels an overwhelming need to sit again. He takes the chair opposite him. The doctor takes it as an invitation to continue. 

“My wife died, and my boy”, he says, slightly watery. “I was away with work. I thought there was no point going back, half a day and I knew the rumbling would reach me. But it didn’t. I suppose you saved my life, for what it was worth”. 

Levi stares at him, feels this overwhelming desire to cry. “Was it worth it?” 

“Living?”, the doctor asks, meekly, and looks at his feet. “Should I ask you the same?” 

Erwin’s voice is stern, and low, in that way it would become when faced with MPs, or parliamentarians. “Can I ask how you know him?” 

The doctor gives Erwin a brief, and weak smile. “You are him, aren’t you? Commander Smith”. His eyes crinkle slightly, his mouth a thin line. “I was his doctor, in Marley. I am working at the university here. It was serendipitous, really, to see him”. 

Levi looks away, focuses on anything but this. Why the fuck did he want to come South again? 

“I am -” He gives a laugh, reedy. The sound is painfully familiar. “Wasting my breath on apologies, if you’ll excuse me one more question for your Captain”. 

“He’s not my Captain anymore”, Erwin says. Great, Levi thinks, excellent. He doesn’t even fucking know why that hurts. He swallows against his aching throat.

“Yes”, the doctor says, wipes his hands on his trousers. “Quite right” 

“What?”, Levi asks, gaze level, legs crossed and head tilted. It takes all his strength to affect haughtiness. 

“Nothing that happened to you was kind”, he says, brows drawn together. “I tried my best to treat you with dignity, I wanted to, I hope you know that. I know I failed, sometimes. But I felt sympathy, I did. We pushed your body to do things that should have ruined it, and we had plans to do so much worse. So, I have to ask, because I have thought about it so long: why did you save any of us?” 

Levi tilts his head, eyes towards the sun, he lets them close. “What’s even the point of vengeance?” 

“You were scared”, the doctor pushes, and Levi suddenly realises this must weigh heavy on his conscience. It makes almost a smile twinge his lip. He guesses everyone’s sins catch up to them. Erwin’s gaze sharpens on him, now, Levi can feel it. “And alone, you had every right to leave this world to die. What did it do to earn your forgiveness?” 

“Who said anything about forgiveness?”, Levi says, soft. “If that’s what you’ve come for, you’re not getting it. It’s gone -” And he can hear the viciousness begin to creep into his own tone, even if he keeps his voice level. “That preternatural power. And I feel every ruinous thing you put me through, don’t worry; every lap I was made to run when my muscles burnt, and every bone I fractured from violence, every weight I lifted that shredded my tendons. Rest assured, doctor, you won’t get my forgiveness anytime soon”.

He has unshed tears in his waterline, Levi sees. Good. Weedy little men shouldn’t be allowed to torture unless they can handle the aftermath. He hopes it fucking haunts him. 

“You can tell it was for science all you want”, Levi hisses. “But I remember the glint in your eyes. I was your experiment, a rat you wanted to study and destroy. The fact that I am a sentient human was an obstacle to you. I am sure you would have preferred a fucking  puppet -”

“I am sorry”, the doctor is pleading, hands clasped together now, “I am sorry, if - if there is anything I could do -” His lip is trembling, his eyes are wet. “I can help with your pain, I am sure, I can - I could fix what I caused, I am sure there are tests I could run that would explain -”

Levi laughs, disbelieving, stands up and takes a step closer. The doctor cowers, brings his arms to his face. Behind him he can feel Erwin hovering close.

“There are tests ?!”, he gets out, fists clenched. “You think I want your hands on me again? You filthy fucking -”

“Levi”, Erwin says. His hand rests on Levi’s shoulder. “We should go”. 

Levi’s hands are shaking. Again. He guesses tremors are just part of his life now. For how much of that is the man in front of him responsible? Levi stares at him, the tears running down his cheeks, his arms up in defense. He spits at his feet, watches the doctor flinch and squeeze his eyes shut. 

“Never look at me again”, he manages, voice cracking. “I hope I haunt your nightmares”. 

He shrugs Erwin’s hand off his shoulder, turns and knocks past him, heart beating too fast and sweat on his brow. He can vaguely hear Erwin calling him, catching up to him. Levi doesn’t want to deal with him too. He cannot handle the confrontation, now, cannot handle whatever the fuck Erwin will have to say, good or bad. He is exhausted, really, tired of all of this, of the failure that is his own body. Behind him Erwin has reached him again. 

“Levi -”

“Not now”, Levi grits out, doesn’t turn and walks faster. Once they are out of the library he can feel his lungs feel with air again, even if his ears are ringing. It’s not enough. He forces himself to continue, move forward, get as far away from that man as he possibly can. 

“You should sit down”, Erwin says, “Levi, you -”

“ What?! ”, he roars, finally turns around. Erwin is staring at him, eyes wide. “What, Erwin, fucking what?! Was I too cruel? Is that it? He opened up to me and I was cruel? Asked for forgiveness and I didn’t grant it? I really can’t fucking apologise for that right now -”

“I am not asking you to”, Erwin tells him, brows furrowed. “Levi, you are shaking”. 

He is. Violently, too. Fucking embarassing. He can feel himself swaying on his feet before Erwin grabs his wrist, pulls him close and upright. 

Levi wrenches back to no avail. Erwin’s other hand is on his lower back, and really, Levi just wants to cry, which is also pathetic, but at least he could do it against Erwin’s chest, and hope fucking no-one sees him. 

“Sit”, Erwin murmurs. “Please, sit”.

He takes Levi to a wall, sits him against it. Levi covers his face, lets Erwin settle beside him. His jaw is aching, and his throat feels like glass is smashed in it, and he can’t quite allow his tears to fall. 

“This is so stupid -” 

“It’s not -”, Erwin says, firm. 

“So stupid, and it doesn’t even matter, it was six months, and I was fine -” 

“Levi -” 

“Like I’m scared of some ratty fucking doctor who couldn’t even land a punch on me now –” 

He puts a hand to his forehead, feels his tears on his cheeks. He ignores it, lets them fall directly onto the ground below. 

“Worse fucking things have happened. It doesn’t matter”, he mutters. He is just more emotional now, in general, over Erwin, over everything. 

“It does matter”. Erwin touches his shoulder. “If it makes you feel like this, it matters”.

“Oh enough. Can we just not”, Levi croaks, wipes his face desperately. 

“He hurt you”, Erwin says. “I’m sorry -” 

“He didn't. He just did what he was told”, Levi grits out. God, everything hurts; his head and his eyes, he’s still trembling. “It was just a few fucking needles. I just - I feel -” He grits his teeth. He doesn’t have the words to describe it.

Erwin is just looking at him. Levi wishes he’d touch him, pathetically. He is probably still angry at him. 

“I wasn’t expecting it, is all”, he manages. “Just took me by surprise”. 

Erwin nods, slow. Placating, Levi thinks, like he knows more about whatever he is feeling than Levi does. It makes his teeth itch. 

“You should drink some water”, he says. Levi can feel sweat down his temples. “Here”.

He produces a flask from one of his pockets. Levi’s throat feels too raw to keep his pride and refuse the offer. He downs it in one, hands it back to Erwin, lightheaded and still shaking. Erwin places a hand on his shoulder, touch light. Levi slumps against it anyway. 

“I am fine”, he gets out. “It’s fine”. 

Erwin hums. His thumb is rubbing circles over Levi’s arm. Levi swallows, forces himself to straighten up. The doctor is just a man, he thinks, just an old man. It doesn’t matter that he can still feel his touch all over, his gloved hands and his needles, can hear his odious words, taking measurements and asking for tests, pushing him to do more, more, more. His limbs ache with some phantom pain.

“You should go back inside, I -”

“No”, Erwin interrupts. “Let’s go back. Come on”.

He wants to bite something back but his tongue feels too heavy. Erwin steers him through the streets with a hand on his back, warm through the cotton of his shirt. His legs still feel weak, his fists clenching and unclenching like some nervous tic. Embarrassing, he thinks, eyes squeezing shut. So fucking embarrassing.

The second they get inside Levi sinks to the bed, cups his eyes in the palms of his hand. Erwin knees beside him, puts a hand on his knee. Levi feels sick. 

“You can go”, he mutters. “Please. I’m sorry. For yesterday, for this, I’m sorry. I’ll be fine by dinner”.

“You wouldn’t leave me”, Erwin says. Levi rolls his eyes. 

“Yeah”. He grits his teeth. “This is different”.

“Why?” 

Levi shrugs. “Just is”.

“Because it’s you and not me?”, Erwin asks, and his tone is that inciting, flat one. “Because you are just so giving, and I would never deign to step away from sightseeing my way through my problems to look after you?” 

“I didn’t say that”. Levi’s voice is shaking, he feels like his body is ripping apart, trembling under the surface, tears rising in his throat, across his cheeks. Elbows to his knees, he cups his forehead, watches the ground twist and turn and reform under the heavy-weight of his tears. 

“No, Levi. But it’s how you feel. I just -” 

“Can we just not argue for a fucking second?! Please, Erwin”. Speaking again breaks something in him, like a rock thrown in a still pool, it makes his tears fall and his shoulders hunch. His teeth are chattering, and he doesn’t have the strength to stop himself from crying. It’s so intense it’s silent, his chest racking in hiccuped breaths. He scratches his fingernails into his hair, tries to stroke some reprieve from this headache into his scalp. Back curved and face wet, there is no point in wiping the tears, there doesn’t seem to be a fucking end to them anyway. He gasps for air as he stares at the floor, vision swimming. “I can’t - I - I just -”

Erwin’s hand feels too warm on his knee now. The touch is making his skin crawl, his teeth itch. He jerks to the side, moves away. Erwin remains kneeling next to him, doesn’t reach out again. If he was alone Levi would curl on himself, close the curtains, shut his eyes to leave the whole world outside. But he is not. 

“You can’t what, Levi?”, Erwin asks. His tone is firm, harsh almost. It makes Levi flinch. “Tell me”. 

“Nothing”, he manages. “Nothing”.

He tries to wipe his face with his arm. It doesn’t really help. He feels like everything is just seeping out of his body in tears, cannot even remember the last time he cried. 

He doesn’t even notice Erwin has moved until he is standing in front of him, until he is cupping his cheek in his palm. Levi tries to jerk his head away, an animal whine coming out through gritted teeth when Erwin grabs his chin, forces their eyes to meet. 

“Perhaps we wouldn’t be here, if you were as honest as you are trying to get me to be with you”.  

“Fuck you”, Levi gets out. His eyes are still streaming. “What do you want me to say, mhh? You know what it is, you know - I told you, you read all the fucking notes, didn’t you? You have all the details so what - I won’t - you can’t -”

“Handle it?”, Erwin smiles, bitter. His grip slackens and Levi still can’t move away. He rarely can when Erwin demands his attention. His nose curls, eyes closing. 

“Would you blame me for thinking of that?”, he breathes. When he opens his eyes again Erwin is staring at him, gaze inscrutable. He is quiet, for a moment, like he is weighing his opinions. Carefully choosing his words. 

“Do you need me to be the Commander again, Levi?”, he asks in the end. His voice is steady. “Is that what you want?” 

“No”, Levi answers, immediately. He can feel his teeth chattering. “I want - I want -”

“I think you want me to look the other way, really”, Erwin continues, interrupts him. “Look away from my own issues so you won’t spiral into yours”. 

“Yeah?”, Levi croaks. “Fine, sure, maybe. What good does it do, huh? Look at me. Can’t even fucking stand up to a stupid old man -”

“Who tortured you”, Erwin finishes, voice lower now, almost a murmur. It makes Levi shiver slightly, even through his panic, even through the wave of nausea the words inspire. “And you did stand up to him. And I wish you’d see, really, that I’d do it for you. If you couldn’t”. 

Levi lets his leg bounce, it’s better than shaking all over, bites his lip and shakes his head. 

“This is so stupid”, he hisses. “I know that. I know”.

“Levi”.

He drags in a breath, tries to look anywhere but Erwin’s face, the ceiling and the floor, the window behind them. 

“Levi, please”.

Levi was meant to be the one who could keep it together, wasn’t he? In the face of it all, he could push through. Was that some miracle of his bloodline? Is that gone now? Will every minor fucking inconvenience and bad day have him sobbing? He can’t do that to Erwin, he can’t be as broken inside as he is out, that’s just not fair. 

“Where have you gone?”, Erwin asks, soft, imploring. “Please, you hate it when I do this. Come on, Levi”.

He puts his tongue on his teeth, presses till it hurts. 

“I -” He begins, breathing in shakily. “Fucking hated today. I hated that you didn’t speak to me –” 

“You didn’t speak to me, either, in my defense -” 

“ I know ”, Levi snarls, vicious. “I know, I - I tried, actually, at lunch I tried -” And his breath is coming out shorter, pathetically. 

“Shh”, Erwin says, soft. “This isn’t the issue -” 

“No but it is” , Levi snaps. “Because we have only reconciled ‘cos you feel fucking sorry for me. That was sheer luck, what happens next time? -” 

“We talk”, Erwin murmurs, stalwart. Levi feels more tears in his eyes. “Together”.

“I’m sorry”, he mutters. 

“Why?”, Erwin presses. “Why do you keep apologising?” 

“Because this is shit for you, already”, Levi murmurs, tears on the edge of his nose, he wipes them fruitlessly. “What’s the point of me if I make it worse?” 

Erwin blinks, stares at him. “Do you…” He scrapes a hand over his face. “Do you really feel like that?” 

Levi shrugs, he just feels so exhausted. “I don’t know”. And then, stupid and indulgent and far too emotional, he admits; “I don’t - I don’t know why you’d keep me around, now. And even before - before I got - like this”. He sniffs in, and then, dangerous but true, he admits, knuckle to his mouth. “Between me and your dream, you didn’t choose me”.

Erwin nods, slowly. “I know. I know, Levi”.

“But you, uhm -” He can feel his eyes fill, and then he’s crying again, and pushing words past the ache in his throat. “You got to see the world, right? And, I am still here. So - so you got both, maybe”. Levi shrugs. “I don’t know. I know, what I made you do was horrible, so it’s all a bit bitter and maybe I should have let you go, and maybe I would have made peace with that but I -” He cuts himself off.  “I wake up and I worry you will leave, and I go to all these places, and try and seem interested enough, or interesting enough to keep your attention and sometimes, I don’t know, I feel I am losing you when you are right there”.

Something breaks across Erwin’s face, some dawning realisation. Levi isn’t sure of what. 

“Levi”, he murmurs, his hand coming to his cheek. “You did so well”.

Levi drops the weight of his head into the touch, feels something inside him shift. 

“And I am not going anywhere”, Erwin promises. “Nowhere”.

“I’m so tired, Erwin”, he croaks, lets his eyes close. Erwin’s thumb is stroking patterns into his skin. 

“I know”, he says, quietly. “And I know I have contributed to it. You have been so good, Levi. It’s alright. You can rest, now”. 

The words wash over him, soft and soothing, make him exhale a shuddering breath out. He can feel his weight slumping more and more into Erwin’s touch until Erwin shifts to sit on the bed, Levi’s forehead pressed against his arm, his hand in Levi’s hair, caressing throught the strands. He presses a kiss to the top of his head. 

“You are the strongest person I know, Levi”, Erwin mutters. “And it’s not merely because of your skills”. 

Levi makes a sound, doesn’t answer. Erwin continues, seemingly unbothered. 

“That will never change. You said I did not have to hide from you. I wish it could be the same, between us. You do not have to shoulder everything for me. You have carried enough weight. You can rest”, he says again, gently. “You can rest”. 

Levi feels the permission settle in his bones. Maybe it’s the bond, maybe it’s his fucked up nature. He didn’t realise how much Erwin’s permission meant. They have fit into their roles for too long, he thinks, nose scrunching to stop more tears from coming. Maybe they just have to learn to be anything else. 

He doesn’t say anything but he knows Erwin can tell how his words have helped, can feel it from the way Levi is slumping more and more against him, from how his breathing is gradually levelling out. Erwin hums low in his throat, soft and pleased, keeps stroking his hair. It makes little shivers of pleasure run down his spine. 

When he finally speaks his lips are pressed against Erwin’s arm, the cotton of his shirt damp with his breathing and tears.

“I didn’t think I could say anything without it sounding pathetic”, Levi murmurs. “Still don’t, really”.

“You said enough”, Erwin says, soft. “I should have known better. I have been -” He searches for the word. “Self-conceited. I do not want my pain to overshadow yours”. 

“You haven’t”, Levi gets out. His throat feels raw. “I should have - I’ll try talk more”. He sniffs in. “If you try, too”. 

Erwin hums his assent. His arm is warm around him. It’s the first time in days that Levi doesn’t feel chill in his bones. He doesn’t want to move, hopes Erwin does not want to either. Silence falls between them again.

“You’re still shaking”, Erwin says, eventually, voice gentle. 

Levi lets out a small breath, something between a sigh and a scoff. “Yeah, well. Can’t switch it off”. 

“I know”. He pauses, then: “You don’t have to explain it”.

Levi nods once, barely. Then he shifts closer, lower, settles with his shoulder against Erwin’s ribs, head ducked low, like he’s trying to fold himself into the quiet.

“You’ll cramp up like that”, Erwin murmurs. “Come here”. 

Levi hesitates, but Erwin’s voice is soft, his touch gentle. He ends up giving into it, climbs onto Erwin’s lap, knees bracketing his thighs.

“This is nice”, Levi admits, soft. 

Erwin's smile is an imprint against the crown of his head. 

“I want things to be nice for you”, Erwin murmurs. “I thought about it, while you were away in Marley. I wrote about it -” 

“You are far too sweet”, Levi mumbles, even if the idea thrills him. 

“It was just fantasy then, though. Nothing was nice. Was anything ever nice?”, Erwin laughs, slightly despairing. 

Levi hesitates before he admits, softly; “In the forest, before the war -” 

“Torturing Zeke?”, Erwin chuckles. 

“I don't know”. Levi nuzzles closer. “Everything had been horrible, and I came back to you, and things seemed so -” He grits his teeth. The games they played, the meaningless sex, conversations that spiralled into long hours of nothing. 

“I told you”, Erwin murmurs. “I wanted to enjoy inanity, while we could”. 

“Did you think we would die?”, Levi asks, because Levi had resigned himself to losing Erwin a long time ago. It feels unendingly surreal to have him sometimes. 

“I suppose”, he murmurs. “But I suppose I considered the alternative too”.

Living with everything he had done. Levi understands that.

“Being nice to you is a full time job, though. I must take it more seriously”. Erwin’s tone becomes lighter, like he’s forcing it to be. For once Levi doesn't mind, he just tilts his gaze up. Erwin’s eyes are warm, and present. He buffs Levi’s hair out his face. “Because you are so very surly”.

Levi bites back a smile. 

“Well, you are very distant. And can be quite cold”, Levi tells him. 

“I can”, he admits. 

“And you were mean, I fucking hate a cold shoulder”, he says, slides his weight up a little so they are nose to nose, brows furrowed. 

“I know”, Erwin says, with a smile half fond and half apologetic. 

Levi traces his features, the arch of his nose, his cupid’s bow. He follows it with his eyes. He takes a breath in, a shaky one, and lets it go. It’s fine, he tells himself, it’s a luxury to have the time and the headspace to be worried about the next time they could fall out and not when they will next face death.  

“I really love you”, he murmurs, and doesn't know if he's ever said it first, ever said it unprompted. Erwin’s eyes widen just a fraction, before he strokes Levi’s cheek. 

“I love you too”, he whispers, kisses the side of Levi’s lips, his chin, the arch of his throat. He lets out a soft breath, a shudder running through him. His hands bracket Levi’s waist, push gently till he tips to the side, the mattress to his back and Erwin’s weight over him. Their lips brush once, their breath mingling. Levi’s fingers tighten on the fabric of Erwin’s shirt, digging in. 

Erwin kisses him deep, kisses him like he’s starved for it. His hands come under Levi’s shoulder blades, pull him close. It feels hard to keep pace with, feels dizzyingly intense given how little they have touched recently. His lips feel kiss bruised, and the helpless overwhelm of it all is scattering his breath, and he wants desperately, and needs - 

Erwin pulls back, a jolt of his head. Leaves Levi feeling like he’s in freefall. 

“I’m sorry”, he murmurs, strokes his cheek and searches his eyes. “Are you alright?” 

Sorry? Levi blinks, flushed and panting, he sits up on his elbows. Erwin’s breath is controlled in his nose. 

“I’ll tell you if it’s too much”, Levi tries to keep a snarl out his voice, ignores the indignant rage in his guts that arousal is fighting with. “Don’t treat me like glass”.

Erwin’s jaw tightens like he’s caught between apology and restraint, but doesn’t back off. He cups the side of Levi’s face again instead, his thumb sweeping once across the cheekbone, kisses him again, slower but still so deep. Levi is losing breath to it anyway, to the weight of Erwin’s body over him, even if he is still propped up. He tries to push Erwin back down, arms around his neck, bites at his lip and groans low in his throat when Erwin lowers them both on the mattress. 

“You’ll tell me”, Erwin breathes, lips dragging against his, and Levi would snap at him if it wasn’t for the inflection of his voice, the way it sounds like less of a question and more of an order. He nips at Erwin’s lip again, nuzzles into his neck. He can’t tell if he is still shaking. He doesn’t think so. Erwin’s body is making him warm, his weight keeping him still. He bites at the skin of his neck, gently, feels Erwin’s grip tighten on his hip.  

“Come on”, he groans. “Erwin. I need -”

He doesn’t need to say it. He sucks in a breath as Erwin’s palm shifts, slides up his thigh, pushes one leg further out, then the other. Levi’s breath hitches, his hips thrusting up of their own accord. 

“I missed you”, Erwin murmurs, slides lower, lips tracing his collarbone. He inhales deep, pressed against Levi’s skin. It makes Levi shiver, arch up against him even more. 

“Me too”, he gasps. “Missed this. I am not good with words -”

Erwin’s hand snakes under Levi’s knee, lifts it, bends him, spreads him just a little more. Levi squeezes his eyes shut, lets himself burn with want. The stretch isn’t much but it’s enough to startle heat into his spine, a throb in his cock. Erwin’s gaze is hungry on him, dark. 

“I know, sweetheart”, he says, low in his throat. The word makes Levi’s cheeks flush. “Come on, off”. 

He taps Levi’s hip, helps him remove his trousers, his shirt. Levi watches him as he leans back slightly to strip his shirt over his head. Like this, when he is laying on the bed, naked and panting and spread open, and Erwin is still so composed in front of him, he feels - he feels - it’s odd to name it. He knows he is small, obviously, he has always been aware of it, but he has always been strong. He doesn’t feel strong, now. His leg is jittering, he has so many scars from the war. He watches Erwin’s muscles shift as he moves. It makes a shiver go down his spine, heat and anxiety coiling in his gut. 

His own muscles flex when Erwin strokes the sides of his ribs. He feels more sensitive now than he ever has. He didn’t realise how protected he was from stimulus, pain and pleasure. He feels carved open, like Erwin’s touching the very heart of him now. It terrified him to begin with. He was probably too irascible about it, when Erwin would try and coax sensations that now feel like a shotgun barrel to the chest. He had not realised the distance he created, while trying to protect himself, while also demanding openness from Erwin. 

It’s been awhile since he was a civilian, though, since he’s had to negotiate nuance. Erwin has only ever been a child or a soldier, Levi realises, and feels his guts swoop a little at not realising it sooner. 

Erwin brings his mouth to the inside of his thigh, takes corded muscle between his teeth. Levi gasps, legs trembling. He doesn’t bite hard, it’s just the implication of pain, and still it has Levi leaking against his stomach, lips open and sweat already pooling at his hairline. Erwin is moving with the same dedicated intensity he put to use in military strategy, redirected. Levi doesn’t fight the pleasure, doesn’t bite back cries. It feels oddly freeing. Erwin’s smile is pleased, outlined against his cock before he swallows him down. 

Levi’s fingers thread into his hair, tighten and tug as Erwin’s nose hits his stomach. His hands bracket Levi’s hips, hold him up slightly. His mouth feels desperate, like he is relearning Levi’s taste. It can’t have been a week since they did this, Levi thinks, but it feels so different. 

The pleasure is overwhelming him already, threading up through his stomach. He really won’t last if Erwin keeps up like this. 

“Erwin -”, he gasps, sitting up. “I can’t -” 

Erwin just pushes him back against the mattress, holds him with a palm flat on his chest. Levi tries to thrusts up, watches the muscles in Erwin’s arms flex to keep him down. He can, Levi thinks, the oddest thrill running through him. He’d have to scratch and spit, and fight as dirty as he did as a kid to get out. His orgasm surprises him, rips straight through him with a cry. Erwin keeps his mouth on him, till he’s writhing and oversensitive, pinned on the bed like a butterfly.

“Fuck”, he croaks, throws an arm over his face and shivers at Erwin tonguing at his cock, licking him clean. His palm is still on Levi’s stomach, warm and steady, lifts and lowers with each of Levi’s shuddering breaths. He feels wrung out already. 

He doesn’t realise Erwin has moved until he grabs Levi’s wrist, gently, lifts his arm away from his face. 

“Let me see you”, he murmurs. “I missed seeing you like this”. 

Levi tries to avoid thinking about how he might look. Flushed and kissed raw and trembling. But Erwin’s gaze is so fond, so full of love, he allows himself the thought for a second. The shaking that seemed like the most awful of weaknesses earlier feels reinvented, here, made new under Erwin’s hands. He can tremble and shiver and cry as much as he wants, here. He can be weak. He can let Erwin hold him close, hold him down. 

He surges up against him, hands on his cheeks, kisses him deep and fast and too frantic. Erwin moans, his hand behind Levi’s skull, fingers carding through his hair, pulling at the strands. He pulls back after a while, Levi still chasing his lips.

“Slower”, he breathes. “Levi, slower”. 

Levi doesn’t want to slow down. He wants to push at Erwin until he devours him whole. He continues like Erwin never said anything, arches up against him to rub at his cock, even if he is still too sensitive from his orgasm. 

Erwin lets out a laugh, eyes sparkling. “What’s gotten into you, huh?” 

“Nothing, I just want to fuck”, Levi tells him, petulant. “If you are too tired to keep up just -”

Erwin doesn’t let him finish. He captures Levi’s lips again, grips his chin to tilt his head up until Levi is gasping for breath again, trying to tip his head back and away. It leaves him dizzy and breathless in the best way possible, head spinning and body tingling. Erwin doesn’t let him go, just slows his pace down instead until they are barely brushing lips, until he has him melting on the mattress again. 

“Slower”, he whispers again. This time Levi can only whimper, nod his head frantically. He can feel Erwin’s erection hot and heavy against his leg, can feel his cock starting to stir again. Erwin’s fingers find his lips, Levi sucks them in. Something breaks across his face, a hopeless chuckle coming out his mouth. 

“What?”, Levi mumbles around the pads of Erwin’s fingers. 

“Nothing”. He smiles, his arm coming around Levi’s middle. “You are very beautiful”.

He pulls Levi close, twists his weight so he is on his back, Levi plastered to his chest. His wet fingers pressing soft but insistent against his hole. Levi makes a noise, kisses at Erwin’s jaw, nips his neck. He can leave marks now, Erwin is under no scrutiny from councillors, or the public, from the military below and above him. He’s sex-warm and dozey and Erwin’s fucking into him with long and dexterous fingers. It’s been so long that the stretch feels delicious, and Levi does not worry where the closest knife is, or if the window is ajar, if the door is well locked. He just pants wetly against Erwin’s shoulder. 

“Nice?”, Erwin asks gently.

“Nice”, Levi agrees, kisses his shoulder. 

They kiss, languid, while Erwin stretches him. His cock hard and leaking, pressed against the planes of Levi’s stomach. It’s good, Levi thinks, it reminds him fully of Erwin’s desire. It’s nice to be wanted, he thinks, to be desired so heatedly. It’s not so scary now he’s in the sun, and the world is not so walled in, now that he is far, far away. Being wanted is better than being useful, he thinks. He doesn’t know when the shift occurred, maybe it only happened now, but he lets himself feel the force of it. He doesn't want to be useful to Erwin, he wants to be loved by him. 

“Please -”, he groans. 

Erwin’s tongue finds the shell of his ear, traces it softly. “Alright”, he says, kisses him softly under his jaw. 

He is three fingers deep, now. Levi feels them all. Even this is different, he knows - there was a time when they could fuck hard and fast and angry and Levi could handle it, could take it without complaint, would seek it out sometimes and enjoy it too. He doesn’t want that, now, doesn’t know if he could stand it at all. The stretch always feels immense, overwhelming. 

Overwhelming is good, though. He sits up, lifts slightly and grabs Erwin’s cock, makes him hiss and squeeze his eyes shut. It always thrills him to see Erwin so affected. Levi rubs over him, his cockhead only catching at his hole, never entering, only the tease of what’s to come until Erwin’s grip moves to his waist, tightens warningly. 

“Let me inside you”, he mutters, low. His voice is firm, like he knows Levi will just listen. He is right, Levi thinks, eyelashes fluttering and lips dropping open as he takes Erwin’s cock, sits down on it inch by inch, slow and inevitable. When his eyes open again Erwin is staring at him, eyes dark. 

It makes Levi flush, how intense he is. Erwin’s gaze feels different on him now, somehow. He is not looking at Levi like it might be the last time anymore. There is no desperation, just desire on his face. 

Erwin runs his hands over Levi’s thighs, touches him all over softly before his grip tightens over his legs. Before it used to feel like he was trying to commit Levi’s body to memory. Now it’s just proprietary, makes Levi feel small and warm under his touch. 

“You are beautiful”, Erwin says again, quietly. Levi’s nose curls. 

“You are getting too sentimental”. 

Erwin chuckles, sits up. The movement makes Levi groan, his cock deeper inside him. Erwin’s lips brush against his, still smiling.  “I thought you wanted me to be”. 

Erwin’s hands find his hips, where the muscle of his thigh meets the sharp point of his bone, his thumb tracing it. He takes Levi’s weight easily, controls the speed he brings him down on his cock with. Levi watches the muscle in his forearm as he does it, and finds his mouth dry over so little. 

“I -” He begins, breathless. “Don’t like it when you lie -” 

His voice breaks off into a cry. Erwin thrusts up to meet him, fuck into him hard. Levi’s head falls to his shoulder, fingers twitching. 

“I’m not lying”, Erwin murmurs, right by his ear. Levi feels insane from it. “I am really not lying. I think you know it too, deep down”. Levi’s eyes screw shut, too breathless and somehow unable to drag in more air. “I notice how people look at you when you turn your head, when the sun catches your jaw, or your cheekbones, the way your hair falls on your forehead. Don't you ever ask yourself why people stare?” 

Levi has. But it's because he's uncanny, not beautiful, because people stare at things that unsettle them. He has had admirers, sure. Men leer because he is small and indifferent, and women swoon because he's cold and distant, and cares far too deeply in the end. 

“I would tell you more often, I would tell you everyday -” Erwin's teeth are at his jaw, his voice low, like the words are tripping straight from his head, not filtered. “Would you let me? God, traveling with you, making conversation with men who talk to me, talk to me but stare at you, and you, you only ever look at me. They trip over themselves for your attention, and I just need to say your name. It's a heady thing, Levi”.

Where else would Levi look? Sometimes he thinks Erwin doesn't get just how deep this runs, how intense this feels for Levi. He lived twenty-five years as a civilian, with petty feuds, and friends, and all the things that seemed important. The Survey Corps are intense; the love, the connection, it's all heightened. That's all Erwin ever knew - the love of his father, its loss, and then the horror of war. This thing between them, its depth, the things they have shared together, it feels so raw and so real. Levi has never known anything like it. 

“I love you”, Levi murmurs, gasping. “I just love you”. Maybe he’s the only person Levi has ever loved. Maybe it was altered chemistry, some ancient bond. Levi begins to doubt it more and more, with everyday that passes, where he feels it all the same. 

The pace is all Erwin. Erwin’s hands on his hips, Erwin’s thighs fucking up into him. He’s just a passenger to the pleasure, head to toe, trembling and surrendered to it. 

Erwin shifts his grip, slides his arms beneath Levi’s thighs, rolls them without effort. It makes Levi land flat on his back, breath caught in his throat. His legs drawn up and folded easily around Erwin’s hips, the full weight of Erwin’s body over him, his cock pressed against him where Levi wants him the most. 

“Erwin -“, he starts, his voice breaking, ending in a groan as Erwin fucks into him. He tries to push up, palms pressed against Erwin’s chest. It’s heady to feel him so unmovable. He doesn’t think he has ever experienced anything like it. 

Erwin’s chest rises and falls slow and steady, not even straining. He just looks down at Levi, eyes dark, doesn’t shift when Levi pushes at his shoulders. 

“You are fucking heavy”, Levi breathes. He’s already going still beneath him.

Erwin’s mouth quirks. “I think you quite enjoy it”. 

Levi flushes, turns his head. Erwin’s hand comes to his jaw, guiding his gaze back.

“I know you are not used to this”, Erwin says, voice rough. “It used to be pretense, I am aware. I’d keep you down and you’d indulge me, really -“ He slides out of him, ruts against him anyway, like he cannot help himself. “Indulge my fantasies. I used to lie awake thinking about it, you know”, Erwin grunts, eyes squeezing shut. Levi can only tremble at the words. “About pinning you like this, making you stay. Keeping you”. He leans in to kiss Levi’s cheek, then his jaw, then the corner of his mouth. His voice lowers. “I didn’t want to let you go then, I don’t want to now. I have you, Levi. I have you”. 

Levi’s throat closes around the sound he wants to make. He shifts beneath him, pressed against the mattress, his eyes stinging with some deep desire. 

“You have me”, he repeats, croaked. “You do”.

Erwin exhales, long and shaky, like the words actually did something to him, like they reached some raw place that still ached. He lowers himself fully, chest to chest. Levi wraps his arms around him instinctively. Erwin’s cock is thick and hot where it presses at Levi’s entrance. He moves slowly, reverently, easing back inside until Levi gasps and clutches at his back.

It’s overwhelming. Levi breathes in shallow little gasps, eyes fluttering shut. Erwin’s hand cradles the back of his neck, and he doesn’t move yet, just stays pressed deep, heavy and warm, grounding Levi in place.

“You feel so good like this”, Erwin whispers. “So open. You don’t have to be anything else”.

He begins to move, slow and deep. Levi clings to him, thighs tight around Erwin’s waist. 

Every thrust makes him tremble, not from pain, but from the sheer intensity of it - how much he feels, how much this means. There’s no way to hide from it, no place to tuck his expression or swallow down the way he moans against Erwin’s throat.

Levi cauterised the need for fantasy a long time ago. It still reared in him sometimes, pragmatically, more so than anything else. He'd pull comrades, or accomplices, up off their feet. He'd save as much as he could, over and over. Sometimes he would wonder who could save him. Erwin, realistically, he'd told himself. He could see the desire to, could feel it in the way they touched. The pretense of being held down though, of Erwin’s physicality being as dutifully overwhelming as his mind was to Levi, was only that; pretense. And Levi is a terrible actor. 

The reality of it is heady and dream-like. The bedsheets smell like foreign flowers, and the room is far from home. Home has never meant safety to Levi, not once, so difference makes him at ease in a way. Or, no, because he was restless on Marley. Maybe it's just Erwin, just the weight of his body, the feel of his skin. 

He wants so badly, and so deeply, so voraciously. It's not even a desire he can put a name to, it's just a feeling. He wants this forever, for Erwin to be flushed and aching from the arch of Levi’s neck, or the twitch of his body, the tremble he can't quite help. Wants him to touch the bone on his wrist that now is fragile, the point of his hip bone, the muscles on his stomach and his arms that only carry his weight now. Are only strong comparatively, not the strongest. 

Erwin’s thumb comes to his chin, presses up a little. Levi’s tongue comes over it, sucks it into his mouth. Erwin’s other hand is by his temple, bracketing his cheek, thumb grazing the skin under his eye as he fucks into him so deep it's making Levi’s breath rattle. It's insane to feel the softest of caresses on his face, like first time lovers, gentle and uncertain and learning against the slow and even, well-earned pace Erwin is fucking him with. Proprietary and certain. Erwin brings their noses together, puts a wet thumb to Levi’s lower lip, pulls at it. 

His whole body feels malleable to Erwin’s touch, like he's being remade by his hands. Levi lets it happen, let's himself imagine this as Erwin claims to see him; beautiful and wanted. A shudder runs through him, his cock trapped between the hard planes of Erwin’s stomach and his own. 

“Good”, Erwin says, low and hoarse. He wonders what changed on his face, what gave him away. 

“I need -”, Levi tries, and he really isn’t sure what he needs. 

“I know”, Erwin murmurs, which makes things easier, Levi supposes. “We will take it slow”.

Erwin’s lips are soft, he kisses into this fragile place opening in Levi, new and terrifying. He feels weak, and somehow unafraid, even if he should be. He thinks that’s the scary part. Erwin makes him fearless. 

“Tomorrow”, Erwin begins. His voice makes Levi tremble, makes his eyes flutter halfway shut. “Tomorrow we can stay in, just us, like this, all day”.

Levi never dared hope for that, for simple and unending pleasure. He wants their legs intertwined, wants it to be midday and have nothing to do but kiss Erwin. Watch the way the sun maps his features at every hour unitil it sets. 

“Is that all you wanted?”, Erwin asks, earnest, and so soft. 

Levi nods, feeling hollowed by the truth of it. It should feel stupid, in the lucid cold light of day, it always does. 

“Yes”, he admits, finally. 

Erwin surges to kiss him, a thumb on his chin keeping his mouth open. Levi lets him kiss him deep and filthy and so sweet, still, lets him press closer, deeper into the mattress. It’s so much all of a sudden he is struggling to take breath, lost in between Erwin’s mouth and his weight pushing him down, lungs constricting and expanding and suddenly he feels like he is about to burst with this unnameable feeling of love and desire and of his body finally giving up. He moans into Erwin’s mouth, loud and desperate, and for once he doesn’t feel ashamed at the sound. Erwin wants this and more, so he’ll give it to him. There is nothing to lose here, nothing he has to defend himself against.

He thinks Erwin can feel his surrender, can sense it somehow because he groans against Levi’s lips too, his hands sliding back to his thighs, pushing him and folding him until there is nowhere else for Levi to go, until his feet are knocking against Erwin’s shoulders. His pace has picked up, harsher and faster and yet Levi doesn’t mind it. He wants Erwin to take everything, now that he can. Now that Levi is not able to fight him anymore.

“I love you”, Erwin is saying above him, breathing hard, “I’ll keep you safe. I’ll take care of you, alright? You don’t have to worry, sweetheart, I’ll take care of you. I am not going anywhere. I am not letting you go anywhere”. 

The words make something snap inside him, something feral and primal, make him start scratching at Erwin’s back, trying to push him off, teeth bared and an animal noise coming out of his mouth. He trashes and twists and turns and doesn’t get anywhere. Erwin doesn’t let him, just holds him down with an ease that makes Levi tremble, makes his cock leak and twitch against his stomach. Erwin hushes him, soft, slows his pace down only to grab Levi’s wrists, hold them above his head. 

“Breathe, Levi”, he says, lifts just enough that Levi can gasp down air. He strains in Erwin’s grip and feels no give. This should make him panic, he thinks, distantly, this goes against everything he has ever known. And yet he doesn’t think he has ever felt safer.

He exhausts himself, eventually. It doesn’t take long until he stops squirming and tensing and his breathing calms down, until Erwin is humming appreciatively, nosing at his cheek. 

“Good”, he murmurs, low. “Good”. 

The exhaustion feels earned with Erwin above him, the ache in his muscles warm. He’s missed the feeling of a fight a little, or at least the strain of it. Probably a bit fucked up of him, honestly. He thinks Erwin gets it though. Erwin always gets it. 

Erwin’s grip shifts to hold both of Levi’s wrists in his one of his hands, the other snaking between them, taking his cock in his fist. Levi’s back arches, their chests brushing, he chokes on a cry. His eyes squeeze shut. Erwin’s thrusts are harsher again, firm and deep. Levi’s body is caught in it.

Erwin comes first, presses him down with a groan and a curse by his ear, hips trembling and pace unforgiving. It makes Levi smile, makes a rush of something delighted and sated run through him. He wants Erwin just as helpless to this as he is. The feeling tips him over the edge, has him coming in Erwin’s palm. He feels exorcised by it, freed. His nails are digging into the meat of Erwin’s shoulder, his head tucked against his throat. He falls back, limp, when his tremors subside. 

Erwin rolls off, lays beside him, propped on one elbow. He’s watching him, Levi can tell, even if his eyes are closed. Levi laughs, it trips out of him unbidden, more of huff against a smile than anything else. He feels deliriously good natured. 

Erwin laughs too, a little tentative. Levi opens his eyes just to see it, just to watch his eyes crinkle. 

“I knew you always wanted to be stronger than me”, Levi says, eventually. 

“I did not - that’s not what I said”, Erwin tuts, with mild indignation. “And I am not”.

“Sure”, Levi murmurs, stretches out. Moving feels monumental, he just wants to bask in this for a moment. “Whatever, Smith”.

Erwin just strokes his hair back, shakes his head softly. His touch is so gentle, Levi thinks, it makes him tip his head up into it.

“Are you alright?”, Erwin asks, after a moment. 

“I feel amazing”, Levi admits, and snorts. “Is that terrible?” 

Erwin smiles, soft and considered. “No, Levi, it isn’t” 

 “Better than alright”.

Erwin smiles at him, soft and a little incredulous. 

“You were having a breakdown not so long ago -”

“It wasn’t a breakdown”, Levi snaps, peeved. “And whatever. What do you want me to say, that you have a magic cock?” 

Erwin chuckles, reaches out to hold him close and press a kiss to the top of his head. 

“If you so desire”, he teases. Levi doesn’t think he has heard him talk these inanely in years. Making meaningless jokes, laughing in bed. The thought makes him warm as he turns around, snuggles into Erwin’s chest.

“I need to bathe. I stink”, he mutters against his skin, eyes closed. Erwin is stroking his hair back, the movement hypnotic. It’s making him doze off already. 

“You don’t”, Erwin tells him, affectionate. “I’ll run you a bath in a minute”. 

“Mhh”, Levi hums. His eyelids feel so heavy. “Liar”. 

Erwin doesn’t answer, just runs his fingers through his hair, his breathing getting steadier again. Levi’s is too, follows Erwin’s pace, like he has always done. He is helpless to this, really, helpless to Erwin’s touch, his love and his care. The admission feels so much easier than it would have just hours ago. 

“I love you”, he mumbles again. His eyes are closed but he can feel the way the words hit Erwin anyway, the way his fingers stutter against his scalp slightly. “I really do”. 

Erwin holds him closer, breathes him in, chin hooked over his head. 

“I love you too, Levi”, he exhales. “Always. I always will”.

Erwin’s voice is warm, soft, his touch reassuring. For the first time when saying these words, he doesn’t sound like he is writing his own death note. Erwin is not his actions, and Levi is not his strength. Even if It’s impossible to separate, sometimes, when they are forced to remember all that has happened. But they have to, if they are to make anything of the time they have been afforded. 

Life never felt like a guarantee, never once to Levi. Now it stretches, boundless and unimpeded in front of him. All he wants is this; simple and slow. Even if they fight, and even if it hurts. He thinks of tomorrow, and it doesn’t hurt his chest quite so much anymore to face. 

Chapter Text

The sun is coming in, lazily. This far south the second it peaks over the mountains the air gets warm. He is up, Erwin is not. It’s rarer these days. Leant by the payphone, Levi holds the receiver under his ear, caught by his chin. Around him the hotel is beginning to stir, setting up breakfast, porters moving luggage. Levi flips a letter between his fingers.

“Does he know you are calling me?”

Zeke has a habit of making the mundane sound conspiratorial.

“I got your letter, I called your number. How did you find us again?”, Levi asks.

“The good doctor got in touch. See? We have mutual friends”.

Levi feels a tremor of revulsion run down his spine.

“And he knew where we were staying?”

“No, I called around a few places. You are famous, remember?”

“You’re still pathetically desperate, then?”, Levi says, blandly.

“You are still awful”, Zeke says, a smile in his voice. “Good, I am glad you have not lost your edge”.

“You left an address?”, Levi says. “Very presumptuous of you, Zeke”.

“Well, you are in the area, sort of”, Zeke says. “You could visit me”.

Levi swallows. The feeling that inspires is odd, half terror and half curiosity. An itch he can’t quite scratch. A score he left unsettled. A mercy that doesn’t suit him. Maybe he does want to see Zeke again. The thought makes him a little nauseated.

“A little north east of Fort Salta, closer to the sea. I have a house on loan from a Marleyan benefactor. It has about eleven rooms and a swimming pool”. He is talking blithely, in that tone Levi remembers. “The back garden lost a wall to the Rumbling but the rest is excellent. Another minute or so before you cut me out and I may have lost my new accommodation”. He laughs, it sounds painful.

“You chose the last place you reaped destruction?”, Levi snorts. “You reminiscing? Or just a masochist?”.

“Bit of both”.

Right. Levi would know about that. He swallows, takes a breath.

“Is that why you sent this invite?”

Zeke’s letter is crumpled in his hand. He only read it once but it was enough to burn the message in his mind.

“What, because I am a masochist?”, Zeke snorts. “Probably. I mean, we have not exactly parted on good terms. And you rudely cut me off last time I called”.

Levi ignores the comment. He had fucking deserved it.

“You want to be friends again? Want me to hold your hand, look you in the eyes and say I forgive you?”, Levi asks, terse. “It won’t fucking happen”.

Zeke genuinely laughs at that, like Levi has just told the funniest of jokes. “Come on, Captain. I know you better than that”.

Captain. He gets called that in the streets but the word has a different flavour in Zeke’s mouth. It feels more real, somehow, like it still means something.

“So why did you reach out?”

He hears Zeke light a cigarette on the other end of the line. It makes Levi wish he had one himself, even if he has not smoked in months. Since he last saw Zeke, probably, since before they fought against each other again.

“Well, to put it gently, everyone I knew on my side is either dead or considers me an unforgivable traitor. Which I am, I suppose. But you never really thought I was on your side either way, so I guess I am hoping you might tolerate my presence again. To reminisce together. Or not. I guess you could take your revenge, now. I don’t regenerate anymore”.

It’s weirdly honest. Levi blinks, holds the phone closer to his ear.

“I have no interest in fighting you, Zeke”.

“Shame”, Zeke chuckles, self-deprecating. “Maybe it’d help”.

Levi feels a spike of irritation rush through him. He has never liked self-pity, never understood it much. It’s an indulgent emotion that does not serve him in the slightest. Zeke takes another drag of his cigarette, gives a breathy, broken chuckle. It sounds like he is on the verge of tears. “I don’t know, Levi. I guess I am just -”

His words are slurred. Levi’s jaw tightens.

“Are you fucking drunk?”

Zeke laughs again. God, Levi wants to punch him in the face. He guesses Zeke is still good at goading him, then.

“It’s the morning, Levi”, he says, a tut in his voice. “Of course I am”.

Levi wants to throttle him. Zeke clears his throat, after a moment, changes tact.

“How’s our Commander?”, he says. Levi’s nose curls.

“Excellent”, Levi says, and tries to adopt the same blithe ambivalence that Zeke throws at him. “Has taken to modernity like he was born for it. Embracing exploration in the name of all our fallen comrades who can’t see it themselves”.

“Good”, Zeke says, a little clipped, sardonic. “So the nightmares don’t wake you?”

Levi squeezes his eyes shut. Bastard.

“Ask him yourself”.

“So you are coming?” Zeke’s voice lightens. “Lovely”.

Levi bites his lip. He honestly doesn’t know what Erwin will want.

“If we come you better have cleaned”, he snips.

“To your standard? I’ll do my best”.

“If”, Levi presses.

“If”, Zeke agrees, almost giddily.

He tells Erwin about it later. Survival has ebbed slightly from a vicious guilt into something insatiable in Levi. They steal kisses and smile into each other’s lips, and when Erwin looks at him the blue in his eyes is present and warm. Maybe they have an understanding now, they are gentler with each other. Levi lets things be gentle, and so far it has not been ripped out his hands.

He passes Erwin the letter, lets him read over it, a downturned smile on his face.

“It would give us somewhere to go next”. There is an edge of curiosity in Erwin’s eyes. “Aren’t you interested?”

“To see flattened earth?” Levi quirks an eyebrow. “I’d rather you take me to another museum”.

Erwin’s brow quirks.

“Well, that is simply not true. You sulked all of yesterday -”

“I didn’t sulk”, Levi says through gritted teeth, tries to avoid looking at Erwin and catch the the mirth in his eyes so his lips won’t break into a smile too. “It just wasn’t what I was promised -”

“Oh, it wasn’t?”, Erwin laughs, puts the letter down. “What did I promise?”

He knows exactly what he promised, Levi thinks, shooting him a glare. He cannot even keep the act up, drops it immediately when Erwin’s hand curls around his waist, pulls him in between his legs. He has gotten soft.

“I am sorry”, Erwin says, kisses the corner of his mouth. Levi melts into the touch. “I should have payed more attention to you -”

Levi nips at him, takes Erwin’s lower lip in between his teeth and pushes him down against the mattress. It takes very little to get him going these days, Erwin has noticed it too. Sensitive, he hums against Levi’s skin every time he is kissing down his body. It feels freeing, to feel this much pleasure without violence. He has gotten soft, he has gotten selfish. He takes it all.

Later, when Erwin is towelling him down, he says, looking at the ceiling;

“I bet Zeke would fall over himself to go to museums with you”.

Erwin hums, focused on his task. The towel is warm against Levi’s skin.

“Are you trying to pawn me off?”

“Isn’t that what you did?”, Levi asks, eyebrows raised. He can feel the moment Erwin stutters slightly in his movements.

“Well”, Erwin says, clears his throat. “I -”

“It was a joke”, Levi rushes to say. Whatever. It was. It was funny. Fuck Erwin’s overwhelming guilt. He sits up, strokes Erwin’s hair back, hands on his cheek, forces the moment to pass. “He would talk a lot, probably. You don’t like that”.

Erwin turns slightly, kisses his palm.

“Alright”, he says. “So we don’t visit”.

He stares at Levi with his blue eyes. Fuck him, Levi thinks. He knows exactly what he is angling at.

“Don’t even try it”, he warns. Erwin smiles, kisses his forehead and doesn’t answer.

At night when Erwin is asleep he stares out of the window, looks at the mountains on the horizon. It’s his choice, he knows. I don’t want to ask anything more of you, Erwin had told him one night in the dark, face buried in between Levi’s shoulder blades. He certainly won’t ask for this. The last time Levi had seen Zeke he had been weeping and screaming and begging for death. Maybe Levi truly was his executioner in the end. Maybe he just wants for Levi to finish the job.

-

Erwin sends a letter in kind, a gentle thank you for the offer. He says a date to be expected. It’s Levi’s decision in the end, even if it feels like it shouldn’t be. He says a firm, I wouldn't mind visiting, and means it. He is curious too, as much as Erwin and Zeke would probably say he is not. He wants to see where the end of the world starts, he wants to see Zeke too.

They take an airship further South-East, a train into the depths of the desert. The town is beautiful, Levi can admit. They approach from the North, so the destruction is not so clear. On the edge of the city lies a house that’s out of place; Marleyan architecture with eastern hints. This was land the empire fought over, land they sent Zeke into to win, and that in the end no-one won.

Further beyond the house is flat and barren. It’s uncanny to look at the too long, stretched beyond the horizon, foot shaped holes in the ground. There are people in the wells of the dirt, toiling soil, turning it up with trowels and hoes. It’s fertile underneath, brown and soft where it isn’t compacted.

Zeke is amongst them. He looks up, squints against the western sky where the sun is beginning to set and bounds towards them like a puppy off a leash.

“You came!”, he calls, wipes his hands down his shorts and grins cheek to cheek. He looks the most at ease Levi has ever seen him, his shirt is soft and worn down, a cotton that is light in the heat. “You really came”.

Levi ignores how surreal it is to see him, how suddenly it feels as though no time has past at all. “You were expecting us, no? You better have changed the sheets”.

Zeke smiles, delighted. He’s dusty from the desert winds, his cheeks slightly too sun caught. He looks young, suddenly, now he has been released from whatever curse was holding them all. He looks much younger.

“Sheets are changed, kitchen is scrubbed”. He looks between them, marvels for a moment. Erwin is quiet, too quiet, it makes Levi look up at him. “Look at this”.

Zeke pulls a coin from his pocket. It’s old, very old. He flicks it on his thumb, hands it over to Erwin.

“Eldian”, he says. “Old empire, it’s an antiquity, must have been turned up when the town was levelled. Interesting, is it not?”

Levi makes a face, a curl of his lip. How many children dead, families destroyed. Interesting is one word for it.

Erwin takes it, regardless, brows rising mildly. “That is something”.

Zeke turns to Levi. “How are you?”

“Fine”, he answers, curt, immediately. He’s not willing to give anymore.

Zeke doesn’t seem phased. He clicks his tongue, shakes his head. “I thought peace would make you sweeter”.

Levi’s jaw ticks. Zeke is still smiling at him, like nothing went on between them, like he did not try to kill him, kill Erwin, and all of Paradis with them too. Blood is rushing through his ears as he looks at him, studies his face. Suddenly he doesn’t look younger, or different. He looks exactly the same as he did in that forest, before screaming so loud Levi had felt paralysed as he watched his comrades turn into beasts.

Erwin touches the small of his back, gentle. Levi breathes in sharp through his nose, looks away.

“I am going to go for a walk”, he announces. Zeke even looks surprised. “Explore the area. You better have fucking cleaned the house when I come back. I am not sitting in filth”.

“I thought the Commander would be the one insisting for a tour -”

He doesn’t stay to hear the rest. It’s unsettling; he doesn’t know what game Zeke is playing here, doesn’t want to join in. Walking through the barren land, he is not even sure why he came. There is destruction all around him, even if life is moving on, even if homes are being rebuilt. They couldn’t run from this forever, he guesses. The worst thing is the sight is almost reassuringly familiar, after all cities they have visited, far away and untouched. It reminds him of Paradis after the fall of Maria, all those years ago, the way some people had refused to leave their homes, had insisted on trying to repair what was lost.

By the time he is heading back the sun is setting and the temperature has dropped, his skin breaking in goosebumps. Zeke’s place is the best lit in the area, stands out in the darkness. Easy target, Levi thinks. He wonders if anyone has ever tried to murder him, if he is recognised on the streets like they are.

Erwin is on the porch, bent over a book, brows furrowed. The coin Zeke gave him is on the table. It occurs to Levi that anything could have happened to him while he was sulking, and he wouldn’t have been able to stop it. Suddenly his throat goes dry, heart beating too fast. He is getting better at leaving Erwin alone. It still feels awful.

Erwin’s gaze lifts, meets his.

“He made me check if the room was to your standards”, he says. Levi lifts an eyebrow. “Was it?”

Erwin shrugs. “Fine enough”.

Levi sits in front of him. Erwin is following his movements, gaze piercing.

“I’ll be the judge of that”, he mutters, realises that he had not even considered leaving. Erwin is still staring at him.

“Will you?”, he asks, airy.

“He tried to blow you up”, Levi says, teeth gritted. “We were never going to celebrate -”

“Celebrate what?” Zeke’s voice comes from behind him. “I thought we could at least have a toast tonight”.

Levi stands, swift. It makes Zeke take a step back, involuntary, maybe. He is not a threat anymore.

“Excuse me”, he murmurs.

Zeke moves his body, an exaggerated show of meekness, and presses himself back against the door frame when Levi pushes past.

The floors are terracotta, a warm red. The place has wealth behind it, although it hides it behind rustic furnishings. That’s a thing in Marley, he noticed, there is more depth to class than just status. On Paradis it was clean cut. There is a fire lit in the living room, books line the shelves. The dormer windows look onto blackness, but in the morning it will be warm, the view beautiful. It’s a nice place to face your sins, Levi thinks.

“To your taste?” Zeke is behind him, a bottle in either hand. “Red or white?”

“White”, Levi says, immediately.

Zeke’s lip quirks briefly, almost guilt, almost humour. “Of course”.

“Where’s Erwin?”, he asks.

“KItchen”, Zeke tells him.

It’s not quite terse, but it’s almost there. The temperature feels low between them, the conversation has lost the bite it used to have, the heat that seemed natural.

Erwin is getting glasses, shirt rolled to his sleeves. Levi settles beside him like a shadow, takes an apple from the bowel placed neatly on the wooden countertops. Erwin quirks a smile at him.

“Cut it into a flower, would you?”

Levi snorts. “I don’t think my hands are steady enough for that anymore”.

It was a trick he learnt for Isabel, and it cheered up squads. People like pretty things in horrible places, Levi knows. Erwin’s fingers trace the veins on his hand, over the ridges of his knuckles.

“Alright?”, Erwin asks him.

“Me?”, Levi asks. “Fine”.

They rejoin Zeke together. Settling on the sofa opposite him, glasses and wine and a low glass table between them. Zeke’s gaze flickers between the two of them, back and forth, a sort of disbelieving smile on his face.

“Oh!” Zeke snaps his fingers, wrestles something out his back pocket. It’s rolling tobacco, he tosses it onto the table. “You said you could roll, I was intrigued”.

That was one of the last conversations they had, civilly. Levi had just kissed him. He leans across the table, picks them up. Erwin is pouring wine, the light from the fire refracting off the glass.

“Sweet digs”, Levi says, blandly. He lays out three papers. “How’d you swing this?”

“I’m hated by almost everyone”, Zeke smiles, and murmurs a thanks when Erwin passes him a glass. “But there are those that think I was instrumental in saving the world. I mean, I was”.

Levi puts a filter in his mouth. “That what you tell yourself?”

Erwin lays a hand on the back of his neck, strokes into his hair appeasingly. It makes his eyes flutter.

“We all played our parts”, Erwin says.

That makes Zeke laugh, croaked. “Is that what you tell yourself?”

Levi glances between them. Their gazes are held, blue on blue. Not for the first time, Levi wonders what they spoke about it in the Paths that tipped Zeke into joining their fight. It doesn’t take much to imagine. Erwin can be convincing.

“Here”, he says, breaking whatever spell has fallen over them both. He licks shut the seam of the paper, he offers the cigarette to Zeke.

“Look at that”, he smiles. “Straight as an arrow”.

Levi pulls his legs up, kicks his shoes off and settles his weight a little against Erwin’s arm. He takes the wine, swallows too much for a first sip, maybe. It’s probably not polite, it’s probably not in character either because Zeke is staring at him now, amused.

“That bad already?”, he chuckles, before his eyes widen briefly. “I am guessing you can enjoy wine... better, now”.

Levi frowns at him. It takes him a second too long to realise it’s not just a distasteful joke.

“I did not come here to be scrutinised, Zeke”, he says, flat, takes his cigarette and leans over to where he has spotted matches over the table. “But no, you don’t have to worry, if that’s what you are asking. I am not a threat to you anymore, you can sleep at night”, he scoffs. The tobacco tastes nice, expensive. He inhales deep. He had missed this, truly. He is only collecting vices these days.

“Well, this wine is not poisoned”, Zeke says, flippant. “So you don’t have to worry either”.

“I thought you wanted to toast”, Erwin says. When Levi glances at him he is leant back against the couch, sipping on his wine, gaze glacial. It makes a shiver run down his spine. He has not seen Erwin this stoic in a long while. He is not sure he wants to see more. “Not antagonize”.

“The two are not exclusive”. Zeke clicks his tongue, lights his cigarette too. “Fine, fine”. He raises his palms. “I guess we won’t reminisce, then”.

Is that what he wants to do? Levi is not sure. He is the first to finish his glass, the first to refill it and then down it again. Levi watches him as his cheeks get more and more red, his speech slurring, spread over the couch. He is still engaged, though. He has not stopped talking since they smoked that first cigarette. Erwin is oddly quiet next to him. The wine is making him warm, making his eyelids heavy and his thoughts fuzzy. He leans further against Erwin, lets his eyes close. It’s disturbingly similar to his first night back in Paradis, in Erwin’s office.

“Am I boring you, Levi?”, Zeke calls. Levi doesn’t bother opening his eyes. Yes, honestly, Zeke is talking about the war he fought here, before, long-winded tales about comrades now dead. Levi sincerely does not care.

“I’m still listening”, he yawns. Erwin’s bicep is a good pillow, though, and between travelling and dealing with Zeke, he’s halfway towards sleep. He crosses his arms.

“I always loved this area”, Zeke says. “Of all the places I was sent, I liked it here. Where have you been?”

It’s perhaps his first open question in forty minutes.

“We went north for a bit”, Erwin says. “I thought it was pleasant enough, the -”

“Food is dreadful”, Zeke interrupts. Levi hears the flick of a match. “Though, maybe it was a comfort, it’s not dissimilar to Paradis, in a way. Stews and potatoes. Pieck likes it, though she enjoys creature comforts. Quite like you, Levi”.

“She must loathe you”, Levi mumbles. “You seemed pally”.

“My plan was full proof, even she agreed when we spoke. My betrayal had many layers to it”, Zeke says, with an air of arrogance that makes Levi’s eyebrows tick.

Erwin huffs a breath, a hand falling to Levi’s thigh. He shifts a little, leg crossing. Levi feels the way his shoulders settle.

“You disagree”, Zeke says flatly.

“You know my feelings, Zeke”, Erwin says. “We’ve felt each other’s memories”.

“Don’t make me blush”, Zeke snorts. “You make it sound so intimate. Well, maybe it was. You are very dangerous, offering hands to people when they are at their lowest. You really made it feel like a choice. I see now it wasn’t one, same as Eren. You can tell he admired you”.

Levi has wondered what they saw together. He has never asked.

“What did you tell him, in the end?”, Zeke wonders. “You made him stop at a fraction of the destruction he was hoping for”.

“In the end, he was a child”, Erwin says, takes a breath in his nose. “And he was scared to die. So I did what I always do, and convinced him it was noble”.

Levi’s eyes flinch open, he feels a wave of nausea through him. “I’m going to bed”.

He gets up, limbs heavy and stiff. If Zeke was more lucid he’d probably notice, would probably comment on it too. He doesn’t get far before Zeke speaks again.

“Sore subject?”

“Levi thinks me too self-commiserating”, Erwin offers, smoothly. Levi doesn’t really want to engage. Zeke puts him on edge, drunk people put him on edge, the feeling of alcohol sometimes does too. He should just leave them here. Instead he turns around, leans against the doorway.

“I think we have discussed our survival enough. That’s it”.

Zeke glances at him. His eyes are red, the top buttons of his shirt undone. He is not as clean shaven as he was earlier today. Levi imagines him living here alone, drinking by himself on this couch - working under the sun and the wind by day, and drinking himself into the past when the sun sets. Perhaps it’s a good thing his escapism seems to be altruistic, now.

“Right”, Zeke says, looks at him from beneath his lashes, eyes hazy. “Survival. Which, these days, we seem to be getting very good at”.

He gives out a laugh, broken and thin, hiccuped. If Levi closes his eyes he can see him again, torso naked and hanging, wrapped into some animal figure and mouth open and screaming.

Erwin leans forward, pours himself more wine. “You’d call this mere survival, still?”

Zeke’s gaze flicks to him, then back to Levi. There’s something slower in his eyes now, something pulled taut beneath the surface.

“I’ve been thinking about Eren”, he says, quietly. “Lately. A lot more than I expected to”.

Levi doesn’t answer. He doesn’t sit, either. He’s half-shadow where the firelight fades, still wound tight like he hasn’t quite come in from outside. He is not sure he wants to step back in.

Erwin hums. “You sound surprised”.

“Well”, Zeke replies, voice soft, “I didn’t expect it to feel so... unfinished”.

His gaze is fixed on nothing, lost, lips dropped open. Erwin’s head tilts, gaze meeting Levi’s. He nods, slow. Levi takes the sign for what it is. He lets himself slip out into the corridor, dark and quiet, lets his eyes close for a second before starting to head upstairs. He’d like to tell Zeke he doesn’t want to think about the past, but what would be left, then? Isn’t that what Zeke called them here for?

The guest bedroom smells of clean linen and night air, the window stil barely cracked open. Erwin’s book is already on his side of the bed. Levi runs a finger of the dresser, feels the polished wood underneath. When he looks at his hands they are not even shaking.

He doesn’t want to say it out loud but Levi is fairly certain he knew Eren better than either of them. Zeke would call it childish, and Erwin would nod sagely because it was his oversight that made them close in the first place. He thinks about that day on the roof, Armin’s charred chest moving with ragged final breaths, and Erwin cold to touch and blue lipped. It was his choice, and maybe having his best friend by his side would have sent Eren away from violence, or maybe it would have just enabled him further. Maybe is a fucking curse of a word, and a pointless thing to ponder.

Zeke wants to talk about maybes, he wants them to understand what he hoped to achieve, and it’s pathetic, honestly. He never stood a chance against Eren.

He slips under the sheets, watches the way the moonlight cuts shadows across the patterns of the window. This is a nice house, he decides. Outside he can hear voice on the breeze, the chatter of the town. It’s alive, the odd bit of riotous laughter, a child’s scream of excitement. Healthy noise.

Erwin joins him not long after, takes a heavy sigh and then chuffs a laugh. “You left this afternoon and this evening?”

Levi cracks a smile, shifts up the headboard. “Harsh of me, I know”.

“He wants to see you”, Erwin says. “All he talks about is you. He says you are looking well, practically glowing, says he wasn’t expecting it”.

Levi snorts. “Tactful as always”.

“Says it’s a sin you cinch your trousers so close at your waist”, Erwin smiles. “Noticed you added a belt loop, wondered if it was for his sake”.

“Right”. Levi sits up. “What did he actually say?”

“No, he actually said that”, Erwin says, laughing exasperatedly.

Levi buries his head in his hands.

“I think he wasn’t impressed about what I had to say about regret. Thinks I’m a hypocrite. Which I am, obviously, but that doesn’t change my opinions. He pivoted quite quickly when he saw –”

“How much of a nightmare you are to argue with”, Levi surmises.

Erwin gives him a wounded look. “It was a gentle debate”.

Levi throws the covers away, Erwin shucks of his shirt, changes out his clothes and joins him obediently. He puts his head on Erwin’s chest, lets his eyes fall shut.

“He must be lonely”, Levi murmurs. “To want us here”.

“Yes”, Erwin agrees. “He must be”.

-

In the morning he lets Zeke accompany him to the market. He speaks a little of the language here, even if they don’t speak it back to him. Levi has never once in his life had to haggle up, but everyone seems determined to give him produce either free or heavily discounted.

“They’ve never done this for me”, Zeke tells him, with almost a pout. “You must hate it though, look at you, shoulders all tense. Your legacy belongs to the world now, Levi”, he sing-songs. “Not just Paradis”.

The sun is at the highest point in the sky when they begin to walk back. He makes Zeke carry everything. He does so dutifully. It’s warm here, not as humid as Marley, it’s a dry and flat heat. Levi quite likes it, but it’s making sweat pool at his collar bone.

“You know, you look good”, Zeke tells him. “Really good. Couple more freckles and you might even call that a tan”.

“Yeah, you said. Erwin told me”, he says, mildly. Zeke at least blushes.

“Well, you do. I thought peace might haunt you, or I don’t know - that your ineffable sort of charm was in your power”.

Levi ignores him.

“How long do you plan on staying here?”, he asks instead.

Zeke blinks at him.

“Well - I don’t know. I have not really thought about it. You don’t like it?”

“I never said that”, Levi shrugs. “Where are your - the others?”

They have arrived at house. The door is locked, Erwin must have left, probably intentionally. Levi curses him under his breath.

“The ones that are not dead consider me scum”, Zeke smiles, opens the door. It’s even less authentic than his usual ones. “You are my first guest”.

“What an honour”, Levi says, deadpan. He watches Zeke take groceries out of the bags, start putting them away. His cabinets are empty, plates untouched. This morning they got breakfast downtown. There are only apples in a bowl, the same he saw yesterday. He gets one and bites into it, pulls himself up to sit on the counter.

“Why did you really want us to come, Zeke? I know you are not expecting forgiveness”.

Zeke has stilled from where he is standing, palms flat on the wooden surfaces.

“You are right to guess that. I am not your Commander”.

“Fuck off”, Levi tells him. “Do you want someone to tell you what a great job you are doing, then? Is that it?”

Zeke’s fingers flex slightly, his face still turned.

“You are the last person I’d call if I wanted to be complimented”.

“You want to talk about Eren”, Levi says. His chest feels too tight for a moment. “But it’s not just that, or you would have reached out to one of the brats -”

Zeke moves so fast Levi barely has time to duck. One moment he is turned with his face away and the next his arm is swinging, a glass in hand. It hits the wall behind Levi, breaks into shards too small to avoid completely. One cuts across his cheek, he can feel blood down his skin. Levi forces himself to keep his breathing even, even if his heart is beating too fast and his hands are shaking. He jumps off the counter, stands against the wall with his arms behind him to try and hide the tremors.

Zeke’s eyes are wide, his chest rising and falling with his panting.

“Why do you always -” He starts, cuts himself off, rubs his face. “I just wanted to - to - spend some nice time together. Alright? That’s all there is to it”. He laughs, bitterly. “We managed, once, did we not? And now you get to play holiday with the fucking - love of your life, apparently, and you get free meals and people throw flowers at you, and I am stuck here exactly where I was before because you -” His voice is raising, teeth gritted. “Decided I wasn’t worth your time finishing off”.

Oh. Levi’s throat feels too dry to speak. He forces himself to anyway.

“I won’t finish the job, if that’s what you want me to do”.

Zeke’s smile is more of a grimace.

“No, I want to speak to you without my head being bitten off for once, because you, and your Commander, as much as I loathe it, are the only people who are actually insane enough to meet with me again. He is going to be the one finishing the job, by the way, once he sees what I have done. You are bleeding -”

Zeke steps forward. It’s not sudden but it registers as enough of a threat to make Levi lurch back, an arm shooting forward. Fuck. Pathetic. Zeke is staring at him, brows furrowed.

“You are shaking”, he says, and even manages to sound concerned. “Are you - are you alright?”

“Yes”, Levi gets out, forces himself to drop his arm. “Wonderful”.

He brings his fingertips to his cheek, they come back smeared. The cut is small, at least, doesn’t seem deep either.

“Does this happen a lot?”, Zeke asks, softly.

“Why?”, Levi snarls. “Worried I am losing my charm along with my ineffable powers?”

“No, I meant -”

“Or people throwing glasses at me? I’ve avoided that up until now”, Levi says, and continues immediately. “You know your fucking damage? You have the whole fucking world at your fingertips now, and I get it, it sucked for you. Mope all you want, Zeke, and act personally fucking victimised by my desire to move on, but that’s all you”. He pushes a finger against Zeke’s chest. They are too close, and there is a wall behind Levi.

Zeke stares at him. It’s a level sort of stare, like he wants Levi to break first, look away.

“I have a maddening desire to hurt you”, Zeke says, low, his breath heavy in his nose. “Like an itch I can’t scratch, just to see how much you have lost. I thought about it a lot, how unfair your advantage was when we were together in Marley, when you would break my fingers, or my nose, or my arm for daring to breathe too close to you”.

Levi keeps his breath even. He won’t pretend he doesn’t feel fear, though. He wonders how fast Zeke is. If he bolted now he could get the table between them. If Zeke reacted quick he could catch his collar, or his arm.

“Relax”, Zeke says. “I won’t. You didn’t take revenge, I won’t either. I just want you to know -”

“Can you just step back?”, Levi says, and he hates how sharp his voice becomes, how tinged with panic.

Zeke blinks, stumbles a step or two backwards. Levi breathes again.

“Does it stop?”, Zeke asks, and it’s so soft. “The misery of it, the guilt. How’d you get over it? I wanted thirteen years, I really didn’t consider ever having more. My father told me that was my fate from the youngest age. Now I have fifty years of this”.

Levi grits his teeth. He’s the wrong person to ask. On some banal level Levi has only ever considered living his life or dying. He scrambled to survive for so long, from the moment he breathed. He cannot abide Zeke’s self-hatred.

“You think living is a curse, Zeke”, Levi says. “I thought it was a gift, one I didn’t get, so I fought for it tooth and nail, and now I cherish it, ‘cause I watched a lot of very deserving people have it taken from them”.

Zeke’s lip curls. “How saccharine of you”.

“Shut the fuck up”, Levi snaps. He puts a trembling hand to his forehead. “Please”.

“I’m sorry”, Zeke murmurs. “It was just words, I didn’t - I wouldn’t actually hurt you -”

Yeah well, Levi’s body cannot tell the difference between a mild threat and a knife fight anymore apparently.

“That’s reassuring. You have no track record of ever lying or hurting me, right?”, Levi snarks.

He grips the table in front of him, hard. It’s not just his hands that are shaking now though, it’s his legs too, his whole body feels wrecked by tremors. It has only ever been this bad once, after talking to that doctor in a foreign library of a foreign country. Erwin felt distant then and he does now too. Suddenly he is irrationally angry that he’d leave Levi here alone. He reaches forward, tries to grab a jug of water from the table and only manages to knock it over.

“Shit”, he gets out, teeth gritted and eyes squeezing shut. His back muscles feel too tense, locked. This was a mistake, he thinks, desperately. He should have never come here.

Zeke tries to come closer again, hands extended and palms up.

“You should sit down -”

“Stay away”, Levi spits. He waits another few seconds for the tremors to subside enough he can pull a chair out, slump onto it. “Fuck”.

He is exhausted, suddenly. He can distantly feel his hair stuck to his forehead, damp with sweat. It’s another while before he manages to grab the glass of water Zeke has put in front of him. Levi is not prideful enough to refuse that.

“You cherish your life even like this?”, Zeke asks. Levi glances at him. His eyes are red, bloodshot, mouth downturned. He doesn’t know how he could think he looked young, just yesterday.

“Like this?”, he scoffs. “I have been so much worse, Zeke. You have, too. So yes, I’ll take this, and I’ll try to make the best of it too”. He rubs his face, wipes sweat away with the back of his hand. “If you can’t do that for yourself then do it for someone else. I don’t care”.

Zeke is still staring at him, head tilted.

“They were not kind in Marley, when I was a prisoner there. Obviously. I cried of joy the first time an officer hit me and I did not feel my body immediately regenerate. I was laughing too. I probably terrified the guards”. He swallows, looks away. “All I could think of was, I can finally end it. Even when you wouldn’t”. He looks up at Levi again. “Why didn’t you?”

Why didn’t he? Levi has tried not to think about it too much. Did he get too attached, was he too understanding? Was it punishment? In the end he thinks he was just tired, really. He shrugs, drinks some more water.

“I didn’t need to”, he says. “It was over”.

Levi watches him sink into the chair opposite him. He smiles, sort of brokenly.

“Were you going to try and save Eren?”, he asks.

“No”, Levi says, squeezing his eyes shut. “No, that wasn’t an option”.

“But I was”, Zeke mutters.

“Honestly?”, Levi says. “I just realised you were never the threat I thought you were”.

Zeke gazes at him, then shrugs. “That’s quite brutal for someone with my ego”.

“Erwin -” He begins. “Erwin knew what to say to Eren. He knows what to say to everyone. He pulled the same gambit as he did with me”.

Zeke drags a breath in. “You say that like you blame him, you know”.

“I don’t”, Levi says, instantly, sharp. “That’s just what you hear because you would, like you blamed your father for your circumstance, or Eldia for your torment”.

“And you are just perfect, aren’t you?”, Zeke snarls.

Levi puts his head in his hands, a humourless laugh coming out of him. “I don’t know what you want from me, Zeke. I really don’t. Begging to spend time with me and then antagonising me. You think if you pull my hair and shout at me I might kiss you again? I won’t stay here if this is how you treat me and I’m already pissed off”.

“It’s -”, Zeke begins. “It’s hard not to resort to violence with you, it’s what you did to me. And if you still could I think you would have broken my nose for throwing that glass at you. I am sorry, for what it is worth, it’s just I only knew you as this... impossible thing”.

It’s the unknowing that makes Levi the most fearful. He might still be capable of that, of lashing out. He is still strong, relatively, but Zeke is a soldier, and stronger than he lets on.

Zeke leans forward, his hand coming to Levi’s cheek. It sends a scattering of panic through him, makes him squeak his chair back, wood on tile, eyes wide. His heart is hammering.

There is sympathy in Zeke’s eyes now.

“If you need to pity me to feel something other than self-loathing, that’s whatever, Zeke. But it’s fucking pathetic”, he says, shakily.

Zeke shrugs. “Part of me finds it unfair, I guess. Your strength was never the issue in all of this, it cannot be used or transferred like the Titans. You fought all your life and now you are paying for it”. He sighs, leans back. Levi’s shoulders drop slightly. “But I also think it’s retribution. You made me feel so small, you know?” He asks, rummages in his pocket while looking at Levi. The movement tenses him up further. He doesn’t think Zeke has a weapon on him but he might be wrong. “Now it could be me doing that to you”.

He takes his tobacco out, puts it on the table, both hands visible now. It doesn’t make Levi feel any safer.

“So yeah, I guess I pity you”, Zeke continues. “You lost the one thing that made you who you are”.

Levi wonders what Erwin would do, if he was here. If he’d just use his words or his fists, too, if he’d protect Levi like Levi has protected him. But Erwin is not here, now, and probably did not even think this might happen. He still isn’t used to this, no matter how often he massages the knots out of Levi’s back, no matter how often he wakes up hours before Levi is even beginning to stir. He can spot the surprise and the uncertainty in Erwin’s gaze, sometimes, when Levi’s hands start to shake from nothing, when he asks him to slow down as they are walking through the streets.

That’s just all I have ever been to you, he wants to tell Zeke, but it’d be wasted breath. He is not sure he cares, either. This is just the body he has now. As long as Erwin is safe, it doesn’t matter; as long as he is away from Zeke’s prodding, he is safe.

It’s just a shame he has to deal with it now.

He watches Zeke light his cigarette, inhale deep. The smell of smoke makes him want to have one too but he refuses to try and roll. He is not sure he has the motor skill for that yet. He presses his palms against his thighs, tries to calm his heartbeat down.

“Does he care?”, Zeke asks him suddenly. He is looking outside out of the window, gaze on nothing in particular. “That’s what he picked you for”.

Levi gives out a breathless laugh.

“Right. I guess I should be grateful you are not bringing up the bond”.

“Well, I have accepted he won’t just abandon you. I guess I am wondering if it affects how he sees you. It definitely affects me”.

“Yes, you mentioned”, Levi says, teeth gritted. He wishes Erwin would come back, or that he could leave the room without shuddering at the thought of giving his back to Zeke.

“You still look the same, though”, Zeke says. “You look good”.

Levi’s face goes sour. He knows it does, he can feel the way it pulls.

“Really”, Zeke says, like Levi doesn’t believe him. It’s not that. “These clothes suit you, and your face looks brighter, you smile more at what he says, I don’t think you even notice but -”

“Do you know the last thing I felt before I got that power?”, he asks mildly. Zeke’s voice cuts off.

“Well - no” He swallows. “You said - did you say you were attacked or something? So fear, probably”.

He smiles, tightly. God, Zeke has no idea. He won’t tell him, won’t tell him how it felt to feel that helpless, and that afraid. He remembers their smiles, their leers, the jeers of - I wonder if he inherited his mother’s skills. To see his whole life spread out ahead of him, hopeless and inescapable.

He watches Zeke’s eyes go slightly feral with the knowledge withheld.

“I don’t want your compliments”, he says.

“Alright”, Zeke says, slowly. He looks almost put out by it. He laughs, like he’s stupid. “Y’know I had this vision that he might fuck it all up with you, that you might be freed by whatever binds you to him and -”

“Choose you?”, Levi asks, eyes wide, incredulous. “Get fucked”.

Zeke puts his cigarette out in Levi’s water glass and stands. “Alright”.

Levi forces himself not to react. Zeke just watches him, towers over him, before he starts towards the door. Levi waits until it slams shut before he takes a shuddering breath out. He was lucky, probably. He should not get on Zeke’s nerves. The idea makes something in him nauseous. He won’t be intimidated. If he can’t throw a punch he’s pretty sure he can still take one.

He waits until he feels more steady, more present, until he can breathe. Then he makes bread, enjoys the simplicity, enjoys taking out his twitching anxiety on dough. It works to an extent, but he cannot stop considering tonight; if he should tell Erwin immediately, if they should leave, if he should give Zeke no more of his time. He cuts the vegetables Zeke and him got, uses all the unopened spices and oils Zeke has clearly never touched.

Erwin comes back first. Levi tenses at the sound of the door, relaxes at the shape of the shadow.

“You are cooking?”, Erwin asks, smiles brightly. It falls when he says the cut on his cheek. “You cut yourself?”

“Something like that”, he mutters.

Erwin touches his shoulder, searches his eyes, and seems to find something there because he frowns. It’s a deep and intuitive sort of frown.

“He threw a glass in my direction. He didn’t actually touch me”, Levi says, tries to make it bland. Erwin doesn’t buy it, which is frustrating too. He turns back to the pan he’s heating oil over. “It doesn’t really matter, he was getting a rise”.

“It does”, Erwin says. Levi’s jaw ticks.

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have left me alone with him”.

He sees when the words hit Erwin, when his face pales slightly. Levi looks away, bites the inside of his cheek. He busies himself adding vegetables to the pan.

“I am sorry”, Erwin says, quietly. Nothing more. It’s too genuine for Levi to get angry at him, at the way he just forgot. His shoulders sag a little.

“Nothing happened. He is pathetic, you know that. He just wants to see me -” He swallows, throat suddenly tight. “Weak”.

Erwin reaches over, turns the fire off. Levi would protest if he wasn’t just so tired. Erwin stands behind him, brings him close, his back to his chest. He kisses the top of his head, soft. Levi lets a shuddering breath out, eyes closing.

“Perhaps we should leave”, Erwin says. “He is not -”

The door opens again. Levi tenses up immediately, Erwin’s arms tighten around him. When Zeke comes in he expects to hear his voice slurred and rough with alcohol and smoke, but it’s clear instead.

“Cooking? I could smell bread from down the road -”

“I think we should talk”, Erwin interrupts, voice gelid. “Before sitting down for dinner”.

He lets go of Levi, turns around. Levi feels cold already. He turns too, glances at Zeke, still standing on the other side of the room. Their gazes meet but Levi doesn’t have to hide any fear this time. It’s an odd feeling, to feel safe next to someone in this way.

“Right”, Zeke agrees, slow. “Yes, let’s make this quick. I guess I am not a very gracious host, and Levi is not exactly a model guest either. It was nothing serious, he must have told you”. He grins. Levi can see the glint in his eyes, can hear the words even before they are spoken. “Though I am sure you’ll agree, there is some pleasure to be found in seeing him so helpless. Without any drug, too. Feels like retribution that he is finally the one flinching back -”

Levi was expecting the taunt, he was not expecting Erwin’s reaction. He startles when Erwin launches from his side, crosses the room to slam Zeke against the wall behind him, face in a snarl and a hand around his neck. Zeke just lets him, his arms remain limp by his side.

“I have been kind with you, Zeke”, Erwin gets out, teeth bared but voice still compose in d, eyes gelid. “I have been patient. I have tolerated your taunts and your insults, granted your requests when I didn’t have to. We were at war, different morals apply. I am not an unreasonable man. But now, Zeke - you have pushed enough”. He pulls Zeke back by the grip on his throat, slams him back. Zeke’s head hits the wall so hard Levi can hear his teeth rattling, he grunts on impact. “You think you can intimidate him? Win against him? I’ll keep you still while he cuts your fingers off if I have to. Do you understand me?”

Zeke is really choking now, face read and mouth open and gasping. His eyes are wide, fixed on Erwin. Erwin rattles him again, grip tightening.

“Answer me”.

Levi’s hands are shaking again, though it’s not in fear. Adrenaline, he thinks, eyes on Erwin’s ice-cold expression, his bulging arms. It’s been a long time since he has seen Erwin snap in anger, this aggressively at least. He used to be on the receiving end of it, when he first joined the Corps, when he didn’t know why making Erwin finally snap and break his composure used to feel so good. He is not noble enough to deny it feels good now, too.

Zeke is making a rattling noise, now. For a second Levi thinks he might actually choke to death before Erwin releases him, lets him fall to the floor and hit the ground on his knees.

“I said”, Erwin says again, jaw tight. “Do you understand?”

Zeke is nodding, coughing spit on the terracotta floor. His gaze raises briefly, wild and pained, meets Levi’s.

“Levi”, he starts, voice croaked. “I’m -”

Erwin backhands him before he can finish, he lets out a whimper instead of words. It makes Levi flinch, too. He wasn’t expecting Erwin to get so -

“Answer me first, Zeke. Then you can apologize”.

“Apologize?” Zeke laughs weakly, his lip is split. “I was just going to say it’s a bit pathetic to have tattled to your lover over our argument -”

Erwin drags him up to standing, punches him across the jaw. Zeke’s head whips with it. Levi watches Erwin reel back for another, watches the twitching mania in Zeke’s eyes, the grin on his blood stained lips.

“Erwin”, he says, and his voice feels steady at least. He feels steady with Erwin here, it’s an odd feeling. He watches his fist stop short of Zeke’s nose at the sound of his name. Zeke’s watching too, eyes wide. “It’s what he wants”.

“I gathered”, Erwin says, tight with exertion. “I just don’t care all that much”.

Zeke flinches at that.

“You can punch him again, if you want”, Levi shrugs. Erwin does, without a second of hesitation. Zeke cries out, cups his cheek.

“Fuck”, he gasps, and he’s not smiling anymore, he just puts a hand out, tries to keep a bit of distance between the two of them. “I understand, I understand”.

“You’re so desperate for punishment when we are so far past that. You got your pardon, if you wanted to die you could have let them execute you. So you don’t, really, want to die as badly as you make out”, Levi says, leaning back against the counter. “Just live, for a day or two, Zeke. Do nothing but live. See how it treats you”.

Zeke just stares at him. Erwin’s jaw tightens.

“He’s being very gracious to you -”

“Yes”, Zeke snarls. “I have gathered, thanks”.

Levi smiles, briefly, turns away. “You should clean up, Zeke”.

He stumbles to standing, wrenches his arm back when Erwin tries to help him, and turns to Levi with a placid smile.

“When’s dinner?”

“Out”, Erwin snaps.

Zeke smiles, almost delight, almost fear. Levi listens to his feet on his stairs, footsteps receding. Erwin shakes his wrist, curls his fingers against his palms.

“Punching with a closed fist?”, Levi tuts. “Did I teach you nothing?”

He takes Erwin by the arm, takes him to the sink. His knuckles have burst, there are blotches of red on them.

“It feels more satisfying”, Erwin says. Levi agrees. He runs the tap, ignores Erwin’s hiss when he puts it under the water. Erwin is quiet for a moment, nothing but the sound of the running water. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine”, Levi murmurs. “Are you?”

“I’m so furious at him”, Erwin admits. “Is this how you felt all the time?”

“Burning indignation? Yes”, Levi says. “Everyone wanted to hurt you”.

Erwin cups his cheek, tilts his head up. “It felt good, it felt very good to hurt him for you”.

Levi smiles tightly, hums. “Felt good to call your name and watch you stop”.

“Yes”. Erwin’s voice is low. Levi can almost feel it. “Yes, it’s nice”.

“Like having a hunting dog”, Levi murmurs, he looks at Erwin’s hand. “This will bruise, you should ice it”.

“A hunting dog?”, Erwin says. “You are quite feline. Maybe you could be a whippet”.

Levi snorts. “A dog for people with money to waste”.

“Mhh”, Erwin hums. “I was more so thinking they are always cold”.

The water is running clear, now. Levi would like to bandage Erwin’s hand but he has no idea where Zeke’s supplies are and he is not about to go find him. He probably still has some gauze in his bag, he thinks. He shuts the tap, makes to turn. “Let me fix this up -”

Erwin grabs his wrist, pulls him close. The edge of the counter is digging into Levi’s back, Erwin’s arms caging him in before he bends down to kiss him, slow and hungry. Levi lets him, melts into it.

“I would do so much more for you”, Erwin murmurs, low. “You know that, right?” “I know”, Levi says, shivers. It feels heady, really, to have Erwin like this. Not just his protection but his complete attention. That was always the main difference between them, Levi used to think, that Erwin had dreams beyond the Walls, dreams beyond Levi, while Levi’s mission had always been Erwin. It feels oddly equal now, now that Erwin doesn’t have a whole country to fight for. Just him. “I am surprised you stopped”.

Erwin hums in agreement, hoists him up to sit on the counter so they can be face to face. He cups Levi’s cheek, swipes his hair back. His gaze falls on his cut, he traces it with his thumb.

“It’s so close to your eye”, he says, gaze dark. “I wouldn’t have, if he had cut you there”.

Levi stares at him. He can feel heat pooling in his stomach, can see it in Erwin’s eyes, too. He wonders how it must have felt for him when Levi would say things like that, how it must have felt to be so in control of Levi’s strength. For a moment all he is thinking of is how much he wishes he could give Erwin that again. Complete ownership of some unstoppable power.

He takes Erwin’s wrist instead, nuzzles into his palm.

“He didn’t”, he says. “It’s alright, Erwin. I am fine. We can move on”.

There is a lot they could rehash, between the three of them. Levi is not sure that’s what he wants to do, really. Not with Erwin here at least. It wouldn’t take long for the guilt to drown him again.

Erwin just looks at him for a moment, then nods. He steps back, lets Levi slid off the counter, protests only slightly when Levi starts wrapping his hand.

“It’s not hygienic”, he tuts. “Just let me”.

Erwin nods, stays still for him. Levi enjoys the silence, the steadiness of Erwin’s breath, the focus on his task.

“What did you make?”, he asks, voice soft, after a moment. Levi can feel his eyes track his movements.

Levi shrugs, turns back to the stove. The oils and the veg have gone cold, but they smell good. It makes him realise he is hungry. The sun is dipping, it must be late afternoon. The air is still warm, birds still chirping. “Nothing very special”.

“Can I help?”

“Can you?”, Levi asks, mildly.

Erwin huffs, incredulous, brushes their shoulders. “You are quite particular, that’s all”.

He is, that’s true. Erwin cuts the bread, which is a safe starting point.

“We could eat outside”, he says. “Get some air”.

Levi nods agreement. That would be nice. Levi probably needs it. Heading out the back patio the tiles become more intricate, the designs more complex, even if they are cracked. The table out there has the same floral patterns. Levi scrubs it down before Erwin is allowed to put plates on it.

Bird song is morphing into the gentle hum of cicadas. The air smells like lavender and heat and Levi’s cheek doesn’t really hurt anymore. Erwin sets cutlery, Levi brings out dishes. When they sit, eventually, they both look quite pleased with themselves. They shouldn’t be, they won a war, they should probably not be self-satisfied with dinner on a veranda. Normalcy is just something to be celebrated, still.

Zeke joins them, slinks outside like a stray whose smelt food, and sits down gingerly. The skin under his eye is purple and vicious looking.

“Woah”, Levi drawls, takes a glass for Zeke and pours him some wine. “That’s some shiner”.

“Yup”, Zeke agrees, hissing between his teeth as he presses the cool glass against it. “I’ve come off worse than you”.

“Naturally”, Levi says, feels more at ease here. He nods towards the food. “Help yourself”.

Zeke stares at the table with nothing but mild contempt in his eyes. Erwin is watching him carefully, Levi can see. It’s a miracle he is not snapping his teeth. It makes him sort of giddy, if he is honest, in a childish kind of way.

In the end Zeke fills his plate, leans back against his chair.

“You should try have a swim”, he says, lightly. “The pool is nice”.

Levi looks over. The sun is setting over it, the water looks dark and muddy, leaves floating on the surface. He never really understood the need for a pool, though he can admit it is warm here. It would be nice to cool down. He has been having more and more of these thoughts lately, where he catches himself enjoying amenities he would have scoffed about just months ago.

“It’s not very clean”, he says.

Zeke rolls his eyes, drinks some of his wine. He doesn’t down the glass, at least.

“You have swam in rivers, if I recall correctly. And I think I do”.

Levi ignores the comment.

“There is a current. It’s different”.

“We’ll clean it”, Erwin offers. Zeke turns to him, eyebrows raised.

“Oh, will we? I wasn’t expecting you to offer -”

“Zeke”, Erwin interrupts, firm. “I won’t go back and forth again like this. I don’t enjoy your company enough to, to be frank, so perhaps we should -”

“Sorry”, Zeke stumbles in to say. “I didn’t - yeah, we’ll clean it”.

Levi’s brows raise. A flush is spreading over Zeke’s cheeks, gaze downcast, hands wringing in his lap. It would be amusing if it wasn’t so frustrating, to watch Zeke constantly pull at their pigtails. If it did not actually turn to violence more often than not.

Erwin leans back against his chair, his gaze still on Zeke.

“Better”, he says. Zeke’s flush deepens.

Conversation is stilted until Erwin throws a bone and mentions some archeological site they stopped to visit somewhere, at some point. Levi is fuzzy on the details, but even he was impressed. It was odd to experience something corroded by time and not by war. They are not dissimilar, he thinks. That is what will happen to their bodies now.

“I would have expected you to settle down, by now”, Zeke says at some point. Night has fallen, it has brought a chill Levi quite enjoys. He is looking at Erwin but the words are for him, Levi knows. “It’s been a while”.

Levi props his feet on Erwin’s thighs, settles deeper in his chair. “Nowhere really inspired us”

“Life is long and the world is vast”, Erwin says, his thumb following the line of Levi’s ankle. “I want to see it”.

“And you?” Zeke tilts his head. It makes Levi frown slightly. He doesn’t know quite when Zeke decided he belongs barefoot in a kitchen somewhere making tea and listening to conversation silently. Probably in his own fantasies actually.

“I grew up in a cave, Zeke. I’ve always yearned to see the sky”, he drawls.

“What about you?”, Erwin asks. Zeke has thrown a pack of cigarettes into the middle of the table graciously. Erwin reaches to take one.

“Me?” Zeke shrugs. “I don’t know. I could stay here, maybe. I have not thought much about it. Maybe I should… write, I don’t know, go to university”.

“Don’t you need to be sma -”, Levi begins. Erwin squeezes his calf.

“That sounds nice”, Erwin says over him. “You have a lot to say”.

Zeke’s gaze sweeps between the two of them, uncertain. “Thank you?”

“You don’t like what you are doing here?”, Levi asks as Erwin passes him the cigarette he had a drag from, shares it.

“It’s menial, that’s all”. Zeke’s lip curls. It ticks Levi off, immediately.

“Most worthy things are”, Erwin says.

They are gazing at each other now, in that way they both do, like there is a loaded gun between them. Levi is tired of it.

“Well”, he says, reaching over to collect their plates. “You can both worthily clean the pool for me”.

Later, once he’s showered and the house is quiet. Erwin pulls him close, chest to chest, his fingers on the muscle of Levi’s back, over each knob of his spine.

“Do you think he will be better tomorrow?”, Levi asks. Erwin hums.

“I think so. I think he wants to be our friend”.

“He’s shit at it”, Levi mutters.

“Terrible”, Erwin agrees. “He can try again tomorrow, I suppose”.

Levi huffs a laugh. “Gives him something to do, at least”.

-

A week goes by without incident, maybe more. In the heat, with very little routine, Levi loses track of the days slightly. It’s nice, in a way. Erwin and Zeke clean the pool. Levi watches, which is more amusing than helping them. Zeke’s bruises begin to heal slowly, it’s odd not to see him recover in moments. He helps with breakfast, mostly, brews coffee and boils eggs. He still never knows when to shut up, he says things that make Levi have to take steady breaths out his nose. But he seems to have gathered where the line is. It’s slow in a good way.

He spends his days in the garden, mostly, his eyes closed and face tilted to catch the sun. He lets himself enjoy the pool, lets himself sleep in as much as he wants. Even if Erwin has slowed down with his touring it’s still a struggle to keep up with him sometimes - Erwin seems to have realised it, too, waits for him instead of leaving him in bed most days. It’s nice to wake up in Erwin’s arms, kiss languidly until they are grinding against each other all soft and lazy, the sun coming in through the blinds and Levi still open from the night before. They have never fucked as slow as they do here. It always leaves him dazed and satiated, makes him go down the steps each morning with his shoulders unlocked and his forehead smooth, no frowning lines on his face. Each time he catches Zeke staring, though he has not been bold enough to comment since the day of their fight.

He has not touched him, either. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t look. Levi can feel him staring when he is laying on the grass, soaking up the heat and feeling the warmth settle in his bones. He ignores it, mostly, keeps his biting comments to himself as much as he can. He shuts himself in the kitchen instead, keeps his mind occupied. They have produce he has never seen, here, nevermind tasted. Zeke’s kitchen begins to look like someone is actually living in this house.

It occurs to Levi they have never discussed when to leave. Erwin doesn’t bring it up and neither does Zeke, so he stays quiet, too. He is not fed up with this yet, regardless of Zeke’s jabs. He has learned when to shut up and Levi has learned when not to provoke him. His hands still shake sometimes but the rest and the quiet are helping. Zeke comments on it at some point, when Levi comes out of the pool one afternoon, stretches his limbs before laying down to dry.

“Can I ask you something?”, he says. He sounds nervous. Levi is too content to check. Zeke is sat with his back against a tree, keeping himself in the shadows.

“Mhh”.

“I have asked you before and you avoided my question”.

Levi cracks an eye open. Zeke is looking at him already, his book forgotten on the grass.

“Bet I was right to”.

“Maybe”, Zeke nods. “Probably. I am just curious”.

Levi sighs, throws an arm over his eyes.

“Fine. What?”

“I just noticed you have not had another... episode”, Zeke says, carefully. “Since -”

“Since you tried to hit me and threatened me?”, Levi asks, casually. “No, I haven’t”.

“When did they start?”

As soon as everything ended, he wants to say, and it would be true but also not entirely. It took a while for everything to settle, for his brain to catch up and inhabit a body so different.

He stares at Zeke.

“I saw that doctor again”, he says. “Somewhere. He wanted to speak to me, ask for forgiveness. I already had tremors, just not as violent”.

Zeke smiles something sad. “I guess me and the doctor both left an impact”.

“Hard to forget”, Levi deadpans.

Zeke just sits down beside him. “It seemed really… easy for you”.

Levi stares, incredulous. “Did it?”

Zeke swallows, shrugs. “You sweated, you suffered, obviously, but you would bounce back”.

“Am I not bouncing anymore?”, Levi asks, closes his eyes.

“You are different”, Zeke says, contemplative and soft. “You look strong - but then you looked strong before, and I still would think to myself I am taller, and broader than you and it would not matter -”

“Matters now”, Levi supplies. He is not precious over it. Zeke and Erwin are more so than him but they have bigger egos. That’s not fair, he thinks. It would just set them both off to say.

“Yes”, Zeke says, and doesn't sound smug at all. “I’d - you know I’d protect you if -”

“Oh god, please don’t try that”, Levi mutters, making to stand. Zeke touches his arm, doesn’t grab - in fairness - just touches softly.

“No, I just mean”, Zeke begins. “You saved my life. When I said you were different I meant - it seems - it -” He struggles. Levi quite enjoys it. “I don’t know. You are gentler, did you always want to be?”

“Yes”, Levi says, shrugs. “Doesn’t everyone?”

Zeke shakes his head. “I suppose, but you were so…” He tries again. “You are still good at settling, y’know. The ladies at the market ask for you when you don’t come with me. You barely smile but you -” His jaw works. “Do you know the effect you have on people?”

“Erwin says that too”. He rolls his neck, pressing his shoulder blades together. The conversation is making him tense, more so because Erwin is out. To buy groceries he said. Most likely he is visiting a town nearby, exploring. Levi doesn’t mind. “Very sweet of you both”.

Zeke smiles, it crinkles the skin around his eyes. He looks fond. Levi doesn’t mention it. They have known each other a fairly long time now, he decides Zeke has a right to smile like he knows him.

“Sore?, Zeke asks, conversationally.

Levi leans forward, stretches out. “Stiff, I think”.

Zeke reaches out, Levi allows it like a cat might, with a rigid spine and focused gaze. It’s a touch without heat, though. Zeke just digs the pad of his thumb into the hollow between Levi’s neck and skull. It’s more pressure than Erwin uses and something cracks, quite satisfyingly, when Zeke moves his hand down.

“You’re okay at this”, Levi says.

“Mmh”, he agrees. “Used to do it for Pieck”.

“Didn’t have doctors for that?”, Levi grunts. Zeke’s fingers are pressing into his spine. It’s almost too much. “Too busy with torture?”

Zeke chuckles behind him, his breath warm against Levi’s ear.

“I suppose”, he says. “I have never had many pleasant experiences either. What with the spinal fluid and all”.

It’s the first time Levi has really considered that. He goes rigid until Zeke’s touch, so much even Zeke is taken aback, his hands leaving his body suddenly.

“Did I -”

“No”, Levi rushes to say. “No, it’s fine. I just - I never -” His brows furrow. “Was it the same doctor?”

Zeke touches him again, slowly. Levi leans back slightly, encourages him.

“Ah”, he says, softly. “I see. No, it wasn’t the same person. I don’t remember as much as you do, really. I was unconscious for most of it. It wasn’t so bad”.

“I am sorry”, Levi tells him, sincere. He hisses when Zeke presses with too much force. Zeke makes a surprised sound.

“You could have handled this, when -”

“I know”, Levi says, bitten off. His eyes squeeze shut. Zeke’s hands caress his shoulder, just for a second, a silent apology.

“I’ll be more careful”.

To his credit, he is, so much so that Levi starts relaxing against him, only the sound of birds and cicadas around them. He wonders where Erwin is but he is not too concerned. It’s the first time since the incident that he feels truly at ease with Zeke this close.

“You are so tense”, Zeke murmurs. His voice has gone deeper, it makes Levi shiver slightly. He knows Zeke can feel it when his hands stutter against his back. “No wonder everything hurts all the time”.

Yes, he knows. It’s even more evident when he has to deal with his tremors, when all his muscles and nerves seem to lock in impossible ways.

“Erwin says the same”, he mutters, eyes closed. “Says what he manages to undo one day is back to being all knotted the next”.

Zeke hums behind him.

“Does he do this often?”

Every night, almost. It seems too private to share, so Levi just nods. Zeke’s touch has gotten softer, his thumbs digging into his shoulder muscles now. He grazes his hair, at some point, lightly.

“Are you growing it?”

Levi shakes his head. He thinks, vaguely, that he likes when his nape is naked and Erwin can kiss it softly when he is fucking him from behind. Maybe he can ask Erwin to fix it for him soon.

“Nah”, he says. His mouth is too slow to form words, almost, his limbs heavy. He doesn’t think he has ever relaxed this much around Zeke. “Just haven’t given it much thought”.

“It looks good on you”, Zeke murmurs. “You had it like this in Marley, I remember”.

Did he? Levi doesn’t think much about those months, or tries not to. When he does it’s never pleasant. Zeke probably has different memories. Towards the end Levi was an easy fuck.

“I don’t like the weight”, he murmurs. “Can I -”

Zeke winks, throws his cigarette packet onto Levi’s lap, and gives him a knowing smile. “Don’t have to ask”.

“Right”. Levi takes one, draws his knees up as he lights it. The grass sharp against his feet, dry and dehydrated. It makes the soft soil and the cold green of Paradis feel like a dream, like it never happened. Zeke is watching him, considering, but it’s not got any heat behind it, Levi can tell.

“What?”, Levi asks, slides his gaze to him.

“He’s very good to you”.

Levi takes a heavy drag in. “You say it like it’s a shock”.

“It is”, Zeke says, shrugs. “I suppose. Thought he’d -” Zeke cuts himself off, and frowns. “Why did he not stay, do you think?”

Levi shrugs. “He tried to enact change once. He did his fucking best, lost an arm and was thrown in jail for it. Besides, I don’t think he could stay and listen to his own rhetoric be thrown in his face. They all think he’s a charlatan now and hell -” Levi breathes in. “He did not overthrow our monarchy for the sake of the working man, that’s for sure”.

Zeke chuffs a laugh. “You are harsh for someone so loyal”.

“Blind loyalty is for children”, Levi says. “He is a devil, of course”.

“Of course”, Zeke agrees, and then, almost a jibe; “Blind pursuit of truth, though? What are your thoughts on that?”

Levi rolls his eyes. “The things we do for our daddies, huh, Zeke?”

Zeke laughs, hearty. It surprises Levi. It would have sent him into a vicious mood in the past. “I suppose”. He gazes at him for a moment, and then makes a defeated, humoured sound. “Ahck, here’s to my hopes he would - would - join another revolution or fight another good fight”.

“Leave you his scraps?” Levi’s lip quirks.

“You’d be a wreck”, Zeke tells him, magnanimously. Levi’s brows raise.

“Oh, would I now?”, he snorts.

“And I’d pick up the pieces. You’d be hesitant, obviously”.

“Obviously”, Levi agrees.

“But my perseverance and charm would, eventually, win you over -”

“You’ve given this way too much thought”, Levi tells him.

“Well, I’ve not had much else to do out here”. He smiles. “I’ve put it to bed, don’t worry, I see how he looks at you. I’m - really happy for you, Levi”.

Levi stares at him, mouth agape before he laughs, unable to help it, a breathy sound. “Shut the fuck up, Zeke”.

Zeke shrugs, grabs the cigarette from his fingers, takes a drag.

“I have gotten magnanimous, what can I say”. He exhales, looks at the sky, eyes squinting. “I don’t know, you got a shit hand at life”.

“So it’s pity?”, Levi asks, terse. He doesn’t particularly care, really, but it makes his teeth itch slightly. Zeke looks surprised at the question.

“Well, no. I guess it’s more like -” He searches for the words. Levi steals his cigarette back. “Admiration”.

Levi stares at him. Zeke confuses him, is the truth. He cannot make sense of his jealousy, of his hatred and adoration all mixed in one. He thinks of the glint in his eyes when he choked him, the ire when he threw that glass; how softly he’d kiss him after a while in Marley, how insistent he’d be on trying to bring Levi pleasure. It’s different from the usual lust Levi has experienced from others, it goes much deeper than that. He is not sure how much of it is projection.

“Admiration”, he repeats. Zeke nods, cheeks flushing slightly, Levi can see. His bruises look a lot paler now, his eye is not swollen anymore. “What is this, a confession?”

Zeke blinks, adjustes his glasses. “Well, I have always said I wanted you”.

It’s not the same, Levi wants to say, doesn’t. Zeke probably knows, too. He is just too awkward to admit it, too embarrassed to look at the truth of it. He is so painfully lonely, Levi thinks. How many people did he lose like this? Hiding behind his contempt to not address his feelings? Suddenly Levi just feels sorry for him.

He leans back suddenly. Zeke is still sat behind him. It means Levi ends up snug against him, back to his chest. Zeke goes rigid immediately.

“Are you -”

“Shut up”, Levi mutters, grabs Zeke’s arm and pulls so it’s around his chest. It would almost be an embrace, if Zeke wasn’t so tense. “Can you fucking relax? It’s like you have never touched me before”.

Zeke babbles something Levi doesn’t care to hear. He turns slightly to find a better position, holds Zeke’s arm close until he finally gets the message, until his breath starts slowing and his hand becomes flushed against Levi’s chest, thumb stroking at his collarbone.

“What is this?”, he asks after a while, voice still slightly strangled. Levi keeps his eyes closed, doesn’t look at him.

“I don’t know, Zeke. Sometimes touch can be just nice”.

Zeke’s breath stutters slightly. Levi lets himself sink deeper against him, counteracts the tension in his body. It feels like years have passed before Zeke settles back against the tree behind him, brings Levi with him.

“Alright”, he whispers, still tentative. Levi just hums in response. “Think you were the last person to touch me, actually, when you dragged me half dead out of that hellscape”.

“Erwin choked you”, Levi reminds him.

Zeke snorts. “True”.

“You used to call me starved”, Levi says. Zeke’s hand is mapping his chest with only the pads of his fingers.

“In fairness”, Zeke says. “You really were. It was kind of spellbinding”.

“Spellbinding”, Levi echoes, dryly.

“What?” Zeke clicks his tongue.

“Nothing”. Levi smiles, tight. “You just - say words, don’t you? I was never sat daydreaming”.

Zeke’s knuckles stroke his shoulder, his voice soft. “Yes you were, Levi”.

Levi closes his eyes. “Your torture kept me too busy to be having lonely musing about what ifs”.

“My company was torture?”, Zeke says. “You wound me”.

Levi chuffs a laugh. They are quiet for a moment before Zeke shifts his weight, breathes out.

“I really missed you”, he says, with a soft earnestness. “I knew I would miss you. I would think of my plans and then imagine your smile; that little one you do that’s more exasperated than humoured, or the sound of your voice. I - I had to do it, if I hadn’t done it then I never would have, because I knew -” He breathes out. “I knew you were beginning to mean more to me than any of it”.

It’s not a revelation. Erwin had guessed it. Levi had hoped it might not be true. It doesn’t make him as uncomfortable, hearing it from Zeke. It’s just sad.

“Is this the confession you planned in your little fantasy?”, he asks, tilts his head so he can look at Zeke’s face. He watches the smile that crests across his lips.

“More or less”, he lilts. “You’d be really taken with it, in my fantasy, and then I’d kiss you with no war between us to make it sour”.

“Oh you think it was war that made it sour?” Levi raises an eyebrow. “Interesting”.

Zeke looks down at him, tongue on his teeth. There is bemusement on his face, some slow dawning realisation too.

“You are either being very cruel or very easy”, he says, and then squeezes his eyes shut with some instant regret.

“You threw a glass at my head, who knows, we could have been having these chats night two if you’d played your cards right”, Levi drawls and he isn’t even sure he means it, he is just drawn in suddenly, by how easy this game feels. It strikes him that he might have missed this back and forth.

“What would your Commander think?”, Zeke asks, and his voice is a little breathless now.

“He’s not my Commander anymore”, Levi says.

Zeke's eyes dart up, and then down, he takes a steadying breath and cups Levi’s cheeks in one firm movement. He searches Levi’s eyes for a moment, brows furrowed, like this could be one big joke, like Levi might pull back and laugh at him. He’s not that kind of man.

Zeke brings him forward a little, tilts his head down. When their lips meet, Levi can admit it feels different to what it used to. Zeke had always liked playing at being lovers. Levi had never wanted to, even if he prefers a kind touch, a soft word - and he doesn’t think Zeke was being completely honest, either. He enjoyed the affectation more than the reality of Levi. It doesn’t feel like that now, as his lips drag softly against his mouth, his thumb stroking across his cheek and his embrace not tight enough to make him feel trapped.

It’s slow in an exploratory way, like Zeke is learning his body all over again. He might very well be, Levi thinks, so much has changed. He is not the little miracle Zeke was so fascinated by anymore, and maybe that’s why this feels softer, easier. He doesn’t feel scrutinised, or observed like a pet like he felt in Marley - or at least not as much. Zeke is different too, Levi can tell, doesn’t have the bravado or the arrogance he once held. It makes him better at kissing, makes him pay more attention to the small changes in Levi’s breathing, the fluttering of his eyelashes.

They kiss for so long Levi has to pull back because his neck is aching. He hunches forward, huffs a laugh, presses fingers against his tendons.

“Well, you just ruined all your work”.

“I think you did, actually”, Zeke answers, eyes glinting still. He shifts closer to Levi, arms around his middle and chin hooked over his shoulder. It’s nice, Levi thinks, a shiver running through him at the way Zeke is palming at his stomach. It’s really nice. It’d be so easy to just let himself go, grab Zeke’s wrist and push his hand lower, give into the heat building in his gut. It wouldn’t be fair, though, to either of them. To Erwin, too.

He extricates gently from Zeke’s hold, pushes himself up to standing. Zeke looks up at him, that kind of adoring look in his eyes he used to get in Paradis, too, just for a second, before it got obfuscated by scorn and regret.

“Help me with dinner”, he says. “You need to learn how to cook a fucking meal”.

Part of him is expecting Zeke to push back, snarl at him, make some comment about how much of a tease Levi is, how easy and how terrible. He doesn’t realise how much he was readying himself for it until Zeke laughs, stands up too. Levi’s shoulders drop slightly.

“Getting tired of playing housemaid?”

It has no bite. Levi’s lips quirk up briefly. “Shut up”.

The mood is light and easy until Zeke quiets down. Levi watches him as he cuts vegetables on the counter with way more concentration than required. He sighs.

“Spit it out”.

Zeke glances at him nervously, then to the door. Oh, Levi thinks, resists the urge to roll his eyes.

“Well, it’s just -” Zeke swallows. “What are you going to tell him?”

“What do you think?”, Levi asks, humoured. Zeke’s jaw twitches slightly.

“I don’t know. I never really understood your arrangement”, he admits. His nose curls in annoyance, almost. “It’s as if he owns you but doesn’t at the same time”.

Levi hums. Of all the hypotheses, all the lurid comments Zeke has thrown at him, at Erwin, at the two of them together, he supposes this is very tame by comparison.

“I would tell myself he was lying, when we were in Paradis”, Zeke continues. “That he actually was jealous, that it was a pretense. But he wasn’t, not really. It was infuriating. I still don’t understand it”.

Levi doesn’t know how to explain it, either, doesn’t know how to describe the trust and the love between them. It didn’t come easy, they fought tooth and nail for it, but it feels like a blessing now.

“He’s not jealous of you”, Levi tells him.

He knows what jealousy looks like on Erwin. He’d been jealous of Levi for a while, in some way. He’d explained it later, once they were closer; his strength, his friendships, his nature, all of it gave him an envy and a lust that had made things ugly between them in the beginning. It’s not the same here.

“Of course”, Zeke murmurs. “Nothing much to be jealous of”.

Levi looks at him under his lashes, a sideways glance. “Are you angling for a compliment?”

“No”, Zeke says. “You don’t really give them”.

Levi turns, leans against the counter. “You’re handsome enough”.

The door opens. Levi moves towards it, meets Erwin as he comes in. He’s caught the sun across his cheeks.

“Fish”, he says. “There was some at market”.

“I’ll grill it. Zeke’s over there attempting to cut some vegetables”.

“Attempting?”, Zeke gasps.

Erwin leaves it on the table, and heads towards the stairs. Levi follows him up to their room, watches as he unbuttons his shirt, discards it for another. The muscles in his back ripple as he reaches for it. Levi just leans back against the door.

“What happened?”, Erwin asks, fond.

“Huh?”

“You’re skulking suspiciously”, Erwin says, turns on his heel. “I met someone at the market, They are Eldian, from Marley though. Interesting, isn’t it? How we find each other”. His voice is bright with intrigue. Levi finds himself smiling. “He asked me for dinner, I said I’d consider”.

“You should go”, Levi tells him, earnest.

Erwin’s eyes narrow, his smile still in place. “Interesting. So what happened?”

Levi frowns, suddenly feels squeamish. “I kissed him”.

“Good”, Erwin says. “I would have killed him if he’d tried to kiss you”.

Levi gives him a long look. “You’re not… I don’t know. I don’t even know why I did it”.

Erwin smiles. “Because you’re attracted to him. You two definitely have a rapport, of sorts”. He comes closer, eyes glittering. “Did you think I’d mind?”

“I knew you wouldn’t”. Levi crosses his arms, feels oddly defensive. “I just don’t know - I don’t know why I care enough to give him a chance, honestly. I think I’d tell myself pity, but it’s not that”.

Erwin’s gaze softens even as he comes closer, crowds Levi against the door. Levi looks up at him, chin tilted.

“Do you have to know?”, Erwin asks, searches his face. Levi huffs.

“Well, he does. Definitely thought about it. Feels only fair I do too”.

Erwin hums, lips curling into a smile.

“Has he finally put his pride aside and come to terms with his adoration, then?”

Levi’s nose curls, he refuses to look away. “Well, I guess there was no glass smashing involved this time”.

Erwin reaches forward, cups his cheek. His thumb strokes where Levi knows his cut is, only a faint line now.

“I don’t think it’s pity”, he says, quietly, his gaze on Levi’s scratched skin. “I think you are very generous, Levi, and I think you know how loneliness feels”.

“I am not doing fucking charity”.

“No”, Erwin agrees. His lips quirk. “You are also partial to some praise”.

Levi flushes at that. He can’t help it. Maybe it won’t show as much now, with all the time he has spent in the sun. “Fuck off”.

“Mhh”. Erwin leans down, their lips brushing. Levi can feel his smile against his mouth. “It’s alright, darling, I like that too. I enjoy seeing you get what you deserve”.

“Even if you weren’t there?”, Levi breathes. Erwin tilts his chin up, presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“Always”, he says. Levi’s eyelashes flutter shut when Erwin kisses him deep, licks slow into his mouth. His arms loop around Erwin’s neck. It’s a while before Erwin pulls back slightly. “You know I trust you”.

“I know”, Levi says, eyes still closed. He drops his forehead against Erwin’s chest, breathes him in. “Just, I don’t know. Didn’t want to rush anything. He is fragile”.

Erwin’s hand has curled around the back of his neck, fingers tracing his nape. The motion is sending little shivers of pleasure down Levi’s back.

“You know him best”, he says. “You understand him more than I do. I can keep myself occupied”.

Levi smiles, pats Erwin’s chest before looking up at him again. “Yeah. You go on your playdate”.

Erwin snorts, kisses the top of his head before finishing buttoning his shirt. “Careful”.

Some sliver of discomfort runs through him at the idea of Erwin leaving, of intention being hung in the air between him and Zeke, expectation.

“It's worked out well for me”, Erwin is saying. “I didn't feel like I could avoid extending an invite to him”.

“Zeke?”, Levi asks.

“Yes”. And then, almost bashful. “I couldn't really be bothered honestly”.

Levi snorts. “Yeah?”

“He just spars too much. I want a conversation”.

“I think he's trying to impress you”, Levi says.

“I know”, Erwin says wryly. “Doesn't make it any less annoying”.

Levi snorts. There are moments he finds it oddly endearing, if he is honest. When they both talk about shared interests and not war. Levi sees a little too much similarity in them both for comfort.

“You are alright with me going?”, Erwin says. “I realise…I just -”

“I think if push came to shove I have more willingness to kill than he does”, Levi says mildly. “I’ll go for the eyes”.

Erwin smiles, fond and despairing at once, strokes his cheek once with the back of his knuckles. “I think he would be disappointed to hear you say that”.

“He can prove himself worthy of my trust then”, Levi says, eyes rolling. And that is what this is, more than anything, a gamble that might not pay off, a test, a need for proof. He knows Zeke has a capacity for kindness, he has just never seen it not come without expectation. He swallows, convulsive. “It’s fine, really. I’ll be fine. Nothing will happen”.

Erwin puts a hand on his shoulder. “I wouldn’t leave if I thought anything would”.

That’s a pretty sentiment. They kiss once more, foreheads pressed together.

Back down stairs Zeke has finished cutting vegetables and has taken no initiative to do anything with them. Levi isn’t certain he’s actually moved.

“Done”, he says, with a smile.

He would not have lasted a day under Levi’s command if they had been on the same side of the war.

“You are leaving?”, Zeke asks, gaze on Erwin.

“I made a friend”, Erwin says, with a smile. “I’m going for dinner”.

“Who?”, Zeke asks, immediate. “If they are Marleyan I’ll know them”.

“Eldian”, Erwin says, crisp, reaching for his coat. “Moved here -”

“Wait. Dark hair? Lives closer to town. Yes”, Zeke smiles. “I know him”. Then, meeker, “Oh. He invited you for dinner?”

“He did”, Erwin gives him a brief smile, and then, as Zeke’s mouth opens. “Have a great evening”.

“Right”, Zeke says, blinking rapidly. “Yes. You too”.

The door closes shut behind him. Levi’s brows raise as he stares at Zeke, still watching the door.

“You look like a kicked dog”, he says, leans forward to get the board of vegetables away from him. The chunks are all uneven. He sighs. “Do you know how to grill fish?”

“You are not going with him?”, Zeke asks. His tone is in-between careful and hopeful, it makes Levi wonder how would Zeke react if nothing happened at all. It’s not a pleasant thought.

“No”, he says, turns on his heel to take the fish out, his back to Zeke. He can feel his shoulders tensing. “Guess you just have me to keep you entertained. I don’t know shit about old Eldian trade though, sorry. Hope you won’t throw a glass at me for that”.

He starts skinning the fish, probably more aggressively than needed. At least he can show Zeke he can still use a knife. He can still -

“Did something happen?” Zeke’s voice comes from the same spot, not closer. “You look worried. I know the guy, he is fine. Interesting character, I am sure your Commander will have fun. He also has a limp so I don’t think he is really a threat -”

“I am not worried”, Levi says, forces himself not to snap. He squeezes his eyes shut, grabs the edge of the counter. “Obviously he -”

A chair scrapes against the kitchen floor. It makes Levi turn around instantly. Zeke is standing now, is looking at him with his brows furrowed.

“Levi”, he says, tentative. “I am not - I won’t try and hurt you again”.

“Right”, Levi forces himself to say. He doesn’t know why his mood has changed so quickly. Maybe it’s that he told Erwin to leave himself, maybe it’s that he kissed Zeke. This would be on him, wouldn’t it? Or maybe it’s the fucking kitchen, maybe he just can’t cook with Zeke ever again. Trauma, memories, who the fuck knows. It doesn’t really matter anyway.

Zeke is still eyeing him weirdly. Levi just wishes he’d stop. He is about to tell him to fuck off when Zeke gives a breath of a laugh, shakes his head and looks away.

“Well, I probably shouldn’t be surprised that’s how you think of me”.

“What?”

Zeke finds his gaze again, smiles something sad. “Earlier, at the pool. I enjoyed it, of course, but I enjoy this too. You can just make me cook for you, Captain, I wouldn’t mind”. He shrugs, takes a cigarette out. “I guess you have no reason to trust that”.

Levi studies him as takes a drag, looks out of the window. His heartbeat is calming down, slowly. If this is all some tactic, he thinks, Zeke has become a much better actor.

He steps closer, reaches over to get a cigarette too. Zeke is looking outside the window again, remains still and moves only to light Levi up.

“You can just make me cook for you?”, Levi repeats, lips twitching up. Zeke’s cheeks flush red. “Is that what gets you off, huh?”

“Shut up”, Zeke mutters. He bumps their shoulders, soft. “I just quite enjoy your company”

“Enjoy it more now that I’m not ready to break your bones?” Levi busies himself, calls the words over his shoulder, as he lights the stove.

Zeke huffs. “I enjoy it more now I’m not saving you from open brain surgery every 48 hours”.

“I was very ungrateful”, Levi muses, and ignores the shiver that goes through him.

“I suppose I was too”, Zeke says, and it’s soft, almost contemplative. Levi doesn’t press him on it. They cook with a quiet camaraderie Levi has not felt in years. Soft jibes but nothing that cuts, shoulders brushing. Zeke pours him wine, they take the food to the living room, sat on opposite ends of the sofa and facing each other. Zeke laughs.

“What?”, Levi asks him, tilts his chin with almost a smile.

“Nothing”, Zeke smiles, sucks on his bottom lip. “Is fish your favourite food?”

Levi gives him an incredulous look. “No. What’s yours?”

Zeke gives it a moment of thought.

“Cigarettes?”

“You’re a fucking disaster”, Levi mutters. Zeke laughs.

“Uhm, my mother made a good apple pie”, he says. “When I was home, which was rare. So that, maybe. Now you”.

Levi considers it. “Honey, maybe”.

Zeke barks a laugh. “Why?”

“It doesn’t spoil”, he says, like Zeke is thick. “You can put it on wounds, and it tastes it good”.

Zeke’s smile drops just a little, his brows furrowing. “That’s very utilitarian of you”.

Levi just knows what a lot of things taste like rotten. It puts you off them. Zeke has cleared his plate already, put it aside.

“You have a talent for cooking”, he says.

“I just know how bad things can taste”, Levi says. “Gives you an edge”.

Zeke puts his feet up, gazes at him for a moment. “Can I ask you something? And can you not repeat it to Erwin”.

Levi frowns. “Fine”.

“What did Eren like? In general, I suppose”, he says, earnest. It makes something in Levi twist. He thinks of countless, unending conversations with mothers and fathers, lovers left behind, describing the bravery of some dead soldier’s sacrifice.

“He…” Levi breathes in. What did he like? Levi spent so much time with him, he should know. He snorts. “He used to like everything, anything would excite him”. Levi looks away. “I knew he was dangerous, though, from the moment I met him. But he was sweet, I thought -” He cuts himself off. “I don’t know what I thought. I suppose it doesn’t matter”.

Zeke frowns. “I wanted to know him”. He refills both their glasses. “It’s what I regret the most, I think. That I didn’t get to”. His lips twitch. “Selfish, I know”.

Levi shakes his head.

“I don’t think so”, he mutters, puts his own plate out of the way and grabs a cigarette too. “It’s just human”. He looks at Zeke, head tilted. “I think it was too late, anyway. By the time you got to Paradis”.

Zeke gapes at him. “Is that supposed to be comforting?”, he blinks, pushes his glasses up his nose. “You are even worse at this than I remember”.

For some reason the comment makes Levi flush. He knows he is not good with words, not good at expressing what he really means, not good at choosing the right tones and cadences like Erwin is. It used to embarrass him more - all the fights he got in with Erwin just because he could not explain himself, refused to go back, give more.

“Sorry”, he says, clears his throat. Zeke’s gaze widens. “Sorry, I am not - I did not mean it like that. I just meant he - he -” He struggles to continue. There is so much he could say about Eren, really, but what use would that be to Zeke? What comfort would it bring? “He was so young when he joined the Corps”, he settles on, takes a breath in. “Everyone was, of course, but some of them were less - you know, kids that had to fend for themselves. Eren - he had seen shit, obviously, but he had his friends. They let him be a kid, I guess. He was loud and annoying and persistent. He wanted to impress. It was -”

“Impress you?”, Zeke asks. The tone is not defensive, he is smiling.

“Sometimes”, Levi admits. “Erwin, too. Erwin - well, you know. He was good at propaganda”, he huffs.

“Mhh, yeah, of course”, Zeke nods. “So Eren believed that?”

Levi bites the inside of his cheek, looks away. “Until he didn’t, I guess”, he mutters. “I let his friend die, I gave Erwin the Colossal instead. Maybe things would be different now, I don’t know. I don’t regret it”.

He says the last words as a warning but Zeke just hums, swirling his wine, his gaze on the liquid. He is silent for a while, cigarette burning between his fingers. Then;

“Was he happy?”, he asks, softly. “Did he get to, at least once?”

Levi swallows, squeezes his eyes shut. He thinks of childish excitement and talks about the ocean and the sinking realisation of what Erwin had lost.

“Yeah”, he gets out, croaked. “Yeah, he was. Sometimes. He got that”.

“Good”, Zeke says. “I suppose”.

Levi nods, curt.

“I reconciled with my father, in some way. In the end”, Zeke says, breathes in deep. “We were all misguided, maybe”.

Levi doesn’t think he’d appreciate agreeing. He stays quiet. The closest he came to the level of conspiracy that mired Zeke and Erwin’s lives was Kenny. He wonders what he’d be like if Kenny took to Levi’s lineage with the same fervour Grisha took to Zeke’s. He’d probably be a little more fucked up, honestly. Erwin, at least, had the choice to pursue his obsession.

Zeke pushes his glasses into his hairline, rubs a hand over his face. “I still fucking hate him, though, honestly. Because he must not have cared, really, even if he said he did, and apologised. I don’t even think I understood how little life he was giving me when I became a warrior, I just wanted to impress him. Mr. Ksaver put it -”

“Who?”, Levi asks, mildly.

“My friend, I guess”. Zeke shrugs, swallows. “The Beast Titan before me. It was his research I continued. But - uhm, he was kind to me, the kindest anyone has been to me”. Zeke’s thumb is stroking an obsessive line over his wrist, his shoulders a little tense. “I have his memories, so I know, really, I was a cheap replacement for his own loss. He’d play games with me, or talk to me like a human. By the time I told him about my parents, it felt like the easiest decision in the world when he told me to turn them in”.

Levi bites his tongue. Sounds fucked, if Levi is honest. Swapped one manipulator for another.

“Guy who raised me”, Levi begins slowly. “My uncle, I guess, when I was eight or nine, there was a tavern owner who was kind to me, he’d give me scraps and, y’know, ask if I was alright. Kenny killed him for it, beat the shit out of me to teach me a lesson. Said there was no-one who’d be nice without a price on it to a kid like me”.

Zeke swallows, looks away. “I know. But he was -” Zeke cuts himself off, squeezes his eyes shut. “I know”. He squints at Levi, leans forward to fill up his wine glass. “I can’t picture you as a child”. With forced levity.

It makes his lip quirk a little. “Knock-kneed and ugly”.

“Now, I really can’t imagine you ugly”, Zeke says, with a glint in his eyes. He puts the bottle down but doesn’t move back, their bodies close. Levi huffs a laugh. The proximity feels nice, after talking more, doesn’t put him on edge.

“Flatterer”, Levi snorts. “Bet I wasn’t that pretty when I was coming at you covered in blood”.

Zeke’s gaze is dark, now, fixed on Levi.

“No, you were”, he says, low. Levi looks up at him, meets his eyes. It’s not the first time he has heard that, Erwin used to say so too. But he was also never at the end of Levi’s sword like Zeke was. “Though I prefer you like this, I think, and not because -” Zeke clears his voice, flushes suddenly. “I can tell you prefer it, too”.

Oh. Some odd feeling makes his way down Levi’s spine, coils in his gut. He breathes in through his nose, short.

“Put these down”, he mutters, hands Zeke his glass. Zeke blinks, puts both their cups down on the table. When he turns back around Levi leans forward, grabs the collar of his shirt before he can talk himself out of this with his own self-deprecation, holds it tight to feel the edge of control. “If we do this, I need you to understand, it won’t be like the fantasy you were describing earlier”.

Zeke swallows, eyes wide and pupils blown already. He nods, just a bit too eager.

“I know -”

“I am not leaving Erwin”, Levi clarifies, spells it out. “I cannot think of - I can’t -”

Zeke’s gaze softens.

“I know, Levi”, he says again. “I can see it. I could always see it, even in Marley, before he left, even when things were cold between you”. His cheeks flush slightly. “I - I’d like to enjoy this, with you. If you want to”.

Levi searches his face, looks for deceit. Zeke’s gaze is wide and open, the bruises on his face almost gone, his cheeks red from the heat and the wine.

“Alright”, he decides, finally, and brings Zeke down to kiss him.

It’s more heated than before, more intentional. Zeke is not as tentative, even if Levi can tell he is still careful, or maybe just less demanding. Levi pulls harsher at his collar, leans down so Zeke can settle over him. His hands end up on the arm of the couch, either side of Levi’s head. He doesn’t put all his weight over him, doesn’t try to cage him in as much as possible like he would have attempted once. He tastes of cigarettes and wine, still sweet on his tongue.

Zeke kisses with a messy desperation, his weight dropping to his elbows, his fingers running into Levi’s hair, musing it. It’s oddly endearing, Levi thinks. Zeke’s breath is heavy through his nose, when they part for breath he still brushes his lips against Levi’s. It’s not desperate in a possessive way, not like before, it doesn’t make Levi delirious with a need to bite or snarl. The heat of it is a low simmer. Levi opens his mouth to it, lets Zeke kiss him deeper, groan into his throat. He has to twist his head when Zeke’s tongue pushes too hard, muscles against his, he separates them.

“Hate that”, he says, grimacing. Zeke wilts slightly.

“Sorry”, he whispers.

He looks sort of devastated. Levi feels strangely awful.

“You talk more than me, your tongue is just stronger”, he tries to joke. Zeke smiles, a twitch of his lips against the flushed embarrassment. Erwin is fond of his forthrightness in bed, and it was a necessity with Zeke before this.

Zeke strokes his cheek, looks down at him with his lip bitten, maps his features with his eyes. Levi looks too, lets himself look for maybe the first time, the sharp angle of his jaw, the curl of his hair, his dark blue eyes and smiles lines around them. He has a weathered look about him, Levi thinks, that makes him look older than he is. Levi feels something roll through him, press heavy on his chest.

“I’ve not seen your room yet”, he says. Zeke’s pupils dilate a little.

“I can show you”, he murmurs.

He has fucked Zeke before, he has to tell himself, it just feels so strangely different as he leads him upstairs, a few doors down from Erwin and his. It’s much bigger, obviously, the bed looks like it could fit four men easily. He thinks of Zeke here alone, and wonders how he hasn’t gone insane yet.

“Nice”, he says, leaning his weight back against the door.

“To your standard?”, Zeke asks. He’s stood a few paces away, his hands in his pockets, his gaze not quite meeting Levi’s. Between them this thing simmers, almost at a boil, Levi feels breathless with it.

“Yeah”, he shrugs.

Zeke gazes at him, his brows drawn together, he looks like his mouth is working around words. Levi pushes away from the door just as Zeke takes a step towards him. His hands find Levi’s hips immediately, Levi’s sliding into his hair. Levi lets his body slip into the embrace, lets his head angle, lets Zeke take his weight like a lover would. His mouth moves off Levi’s lips, trails a line down his throat, to the hollow of his jaw. He groans when he licks a stripe up Levi’s neck.

“I love when I can taste the sweat on you, you are always so pristine -”, he moans, nuzzles into him and makes Levi realise he has never heard Zeke say what he likes in bed either. Just what he wanted to do to Levi, and even then, it was always informed by his weird ideologies. He wonders what Zeke likes now he has discarded some of them, or is trying to at least, or maybe just lost faith.

“Yeah?”, he breathes out, eyes squeezing shut when Zeke bites at the skin of his neck, sucks on it. Still possessive, then. “What else do you like?”

Zeke detaches slightly, looks at him, pupils blown.

“I’ll show you”, he says, voice rough, walks them both towards the bed. Levi’s knees hit the edge, he lets himself fall on the mattress, propped up on his elbows. Zeke crawls between his legs, bends down to kiss him again and starts unbuttoning Levi’s shirt with trembling fingers. His beard scrapes against Levi’s chest when he moves to bite and suck at his nipples.

“Oh”. Levi breathes, eyelashes fluttering, arches up against the sensation. His hands end up over Zeke’s head, pull at his hair. Zeke moans against him, encouraging. Levi pulls harder and gets a choked off whimper in response, gets Zeke not so subtly humping against the mattress.

“More?”, he murmurs, fingers carding through the strands. Zeke nods, fast, groans louder when Levi pulls again. He doesn’t think they have ever talked this much during sex - Levi, at least. Zeke would go on some odd monologues, now and then, probably hoping to get a rise out of him but most of the times Levi just wanted to get it over with. It was probably terrible for Zeke too, Levi is starting to realise. Or maybe he is just giving him too much credit now that Zeke has gained some empathy.

He stops only when he notices how fast Zeke has been humping the bed. When Levi pulls his head up to meet his gaze he looks destroyed, eyes dark and lips red and bitten. He looks like he could come in seconds. It’s a bit surprising, really, but maybe it shouldn’t be. Erwin had realised it immediately.

“Strip”, Levi says, and Zeke’s fingers are around his belt before he has even finished speaking. His hands are shaking.

“You too”, Zeke gets out. Levi nods, shucks his pants down. He is half hard, which is more than he ever gave Zeke when they were in Marley. Zeke is a mess already, cock hard and red and weeping. The sight leaves Levi slightly dizzy.

He swaps their positions, straddles Zeke’s hips. Zeke sits up to meet, his fingers on Levi’s hips, thumbs on the little dimples at the bottom of his spine. They kiss like that, Zeke’s fingers trailing up Levi’s spine, their cocks almost brushing. It must be agony for Zeke, to be this close but he doesn’t push for more, just sits untouched, hips twitching, as Levi kisses him senseless.

“You’re being very well behaved”, Levi murmurs.

Zeke makes a noise between a moan and a huff of laughter, despairing and aching. Levi feels his body move the way it did when he fought sometimes, without much decision. He moves back, stands in front of the bed. Barefoot on the tiled floor he gives Zeke a once over, before he sinks to his knees. Zeke’s eyes widen, immediately.

“You’re not -” He says, mouth opening, closing, a flush on his cheeks so dark it looks like burn. “You don’t have to -”

Levi watches the muscle in his thigh twitch, the downy blonde hairs raising when Levi puts his cheek on his thigh.

“Pull my hair, or choke me, and I’m out”.

Zeke is just staring, his breath laboured, his eyes wide. He nods, once, like words have finally abandoned him.

When he puts his mouth on him, Zeke hisses, head thrown back like it’s all too much. He’s sensitive and his cock is heavy in Levi’s mouth, hot and leaking. He’s being really gracious, he thinks to himself, laving the head with his tongue once before he takes him deeper. Zeke cries out, his hand finding the crown of Levi’s head before immediately dropping to touch his shoulder, twitching apologetically. Zeke’s eyes are screwed shut, his eyebrows pinched and his mouth dropped open like he’s in agony, he’s working hard to control his breath.

“Was I last your fuck?” Levi pulls away to ask, a drawl in his voice, he sucks the head of Zeke’s cock back into his mouth.

“Fuck -” Zeke chokes. “Yes, yes - of course you were -”

Shouldn’t have tried to end the world, Levi thinks mirthlessly, and he might have gotten more action.

He hollows his cheeks, angles his head and Zeke makes a broken sort of sound. His thighs are tensing so much, his stomach muscles twitching. Levi can tell he’s close already, can feel him on the edge. He switches between the steady pressure of sucking and soft licks whenever Zeke’s orgasm draws too close, until Zeke is trembling under him, gasping.

In the end it doesn’t matter, Zeke folds in on himself with jolt and cry, when Levi’s mouth is barely on him, comes so suddenly and so intensely it leaves them both stunned. Levi sits on his knees, breath unsteady, and considers saying something about how pathetic that was. He doesn’t.

Zeke just watches him, swallows down his pants. He can see the embarrassment in Zeke’s eyes, and braces himself for some ribald comment about his technique, his skill, his past.

“You -”, Zeke tries, his voice giving out. “That can’t be comfortable on your knees”.

Levi blinks. No. It isn’t. It makes him flush, oddly.

Zeke offers him a hand. Levi takes it, and is a little shocked when he has to use little to no strength to pull himself up. His thighs are aching from keeping them spread, he can feel it in his lower back too. His feet are a little unsteady.

“Can I touch you still?”, Zeke asks.

“Yeah”, Levi says. His voice sounds a little uncertain, from the whole situation, maybe. Zeke searches his face before pulling him down with him on the bed.

“I am sorry”, he says, flushing. “It’s just - you are just -”

Levi can feel his lips twitching. “I guess I should feel flattered”, he says.

Zeke flushes even darker. Did you want it to be him again?, Levi remembers him saying, and he could throw all of that in Zeke’s face. He’d deserve it, too, even if he is all repented now. But he has never been one for revenge.

“It’s cute”, he mutters instead. “And you are young, you can recover, right? Or should we just end the night here -”

Zeke shakes his head, leans over to kiss him again so frantically Levi gives out a laugh against his lips. Zeke does not shrink under it, though, just smiles and kisses him deeper.

“I’ll make up for it”, he swears. Levi can feel him twitching already against his hip. He wonders if he tried to get with anyone else and couldn’t, or if the trauma of it all was just too much, if he simply didn’t have any interest. He doesn’t want to think it’s just because Zeke only wanted him again. He is not going to ask.

Zeke rolls over him, presses their bodies together, makes Levi feel more of his weight this time but it feels more out of a need to feel him close than anything else. Levi’s arms loop around his neck to hold him. It already feels more intimate than all the other times Levi has had him inside.

He watches as Zeke presses kisses down his stomach, his hips, the top of his thighs. The inside of them when Levi lets his legs spread. He is fully hard, now, cock leaking against his belly. Zeke looks up at him, a question in his eyes.

“I know you have told me no before but I -” He swallows, his hands on the top of Levi’s thighs, gripping and caressing. “I’d just really - I’d like to -”

“Fuck me with your fingers?”, Levi asks, says it before Zeke can. His tone is too kind and uncertain, it’s almost too much. Levi is used to crassness between them, vulgar words. He can allow this to happen, though, had prepared for it, knew Zeke would ask. “Sure. Probably the best way to get you hard again”. He grabs a pillow, puts him under his back, spreads his legs wider. “Come on”.

Zeke groans at the sight, squeezes his eyes shut for a moment like he might come again on the spot. Levi feels giddy with it, if he is honest. He leans over past Levi, takes a tin of something out from his bedside table, begins to slick his fingers.

“You’re so fucking presumptuous”, Levi says, incredulous.

Zeke gives him a look in return. “Don’t be so self-important, I’ve been here alone for months”.

Levi flushes, feels it tip his ears. “Sure. Whatever”.

Zeke grins, it’s pretty when he’s not being vicious, and strokes the shell of Levi’s ear where it’s gone scarlet. “The world doesn’t revolve around you, Captain”, he lilts.

“You were thinking about me when you touched your cock, though, right?” Levi tilts his chin, combative.

Zeke gasps, mouth agape. “Well, I had to think about something”.

He laughs when he kisses Levi, soft against his lips. Leans his weight down, props himself on an elbow as he slides his other hand between Levi’s thighs. Levi takes a breath in, lets Zeke push a finger into him. They are broader than Erwin’s, shorter, the ridges of his knuckles more pronounced. Levi makes a sound he can’t quite help. Zeke kisses the side of his lip, the ridge of his jaw. Levi can feel the intensity of his gaze, it makes him oddly self conscious. He doesn’t quite know what Zeke was expecting from him.

“This probably isn’t going to be as mind-blowing as you were hoping”, Levi tells him.

“Can you turn over?”, Zeke murmurs, and his voice is so low and so soft, concentrating. Levi obliges, the pillow lifting his hips slightly, his cock caught between the material and his stomach. Zeke hooks an arm around his chest, presses his front to Levi’s back. It’s oddly intimate. It’s vulnerable too, Levi knows distantly, he should tell him to move, should demand not to be pinned. Zeke isn’t pressing weight against him though, just hugging him close. The press of his fingers is intense, two deep and fucking him steadily, stroking with the pads. Levi gasps shakily, his knuckles turning white against the sheets.

“I thought about this, actually”, Zeke tells him, his voice low, a breath away from his ear. Levi shivers at the sound, arches into the touch. “I have wanted this so badly, for so long. You knew that, though”.

“It was hard to miss -”, Levi starts, and has to clamp his mouth shut on a moan when Zeke presseses harder inside him. He bites his palm, eyes squeezing shut. Behind him Zeke groans, at the sounds Levi is making or at the way he is clenching around his fingers, he doesn’t know.

Erwin would move his hand away, at this point, would hook his fingers inside his mouth to keep the noises coming. Or maybe he’d ask Levi to move it instead, all soft and gentle and so dangerous, murmurs of sweetheart and darling and all the words that make Levi’s cock weep and his skin break out in goosebumps. Zeke doesn’t do any of that, just hugs Levi closer, nuzzles in between his shoulder blades.

“Can you blame me?”, he asks, gasping. He sounds like he is the one being fingered, Levi thinks, bucks up against him. “I just wanted to feel you close. You are so beautiful, Levi, I spent so long dreaming you’d let me take my time instead of rushing everything. I just wanted to make you feel good”.

“Maybe now”, Levi manages, teeth gritted, forehead pressed against the mattress. “You just wanted to own me then”.

Zeke sighs behind him, like he truly regrets it. “Let me make up for it”.

He adds another finger, slow and yet sudden enough a whimper escapes Levi’s lips. They are pressed so close together that Levi can feel the way Zeke twitches at the sound, the way his cock is filling up fast again. He wants to rut against it, desire pooling in his gut, doesn’t know if he wants to give Zeke the satisfaction.

Are they even playing those games anymore? Levi doesn’t think so. He lets himself go, fucks back against Zeke’s fingers, moves so Zeke’s hardening cock is pressed up close. Zeke groans, swears under his breath.

“Fuck, you are going to make me come again”, he gets out. “You are so - you are too -”

Levi doesn’t get to hear it. Zeke cups his cheek with his free hand, angles him so they are kissing deep and wet and filthy. Levi strains for it, moans into Zeke’s mouth when he feels his fingers spreading inside him. He can feel sweat pooling under him, on the pillow, on the sheets. Zeke is rutting against him, now, desperate again, breath heavy and cheeks flushed.

“Did you -”, Zeke is gasping. “Did you want this? That first night we kissed - what was it to you -”

Levi squeezes his eyes shut. It feels like such a nightmare, all of that time spent in Marley, but he remembers that night they kissed. He remembers the lilt in Zeke’s voice, his stupid humour, his fond smile like they had anything in common. He remembers his own disarmed laugh, his exhaustion, the way Zeke had seemed so awful and yet so palatable. Levi remembers the attraction, he remembers hating it.

He’s trembling now, pushed up onto his elbows as Zeke brings their lips together.

“I need you to fuck me”, he murmurs, slurred and soft. Zeke whimpers.

“Of course”, Zeke whispers. “Anything, Levi, anything”.

He sits back only enough to fumble for lube. Levi stays face down, shoulders taut and breath heavy.

“I wish I knew what that was”, Levi admits. “I hated you, but god - you were - you were -” Zeke groans again, desperate. He doesn’t dare push in, just lets his slick cock rub against Levi’s hole.

“I was what?”, he begs.

“Stupidly fucking attractive”, Levi admits, teeth grit and cheeks flushed.

Zeke laughs, and it’s warm and awed, and not at all like some well won victory, not self-satisfied or smug. It’s a lonely laugh. He slides into Levi slow, and Levi can feel his ragged breath and his shaking form above him. His grip is tight on Levi now, intensely so, but it’s like he’s holding to him for support, not like he’s pinning him down.

“I don’t think I have ever heard you say that”, he breathes, shakily. Levi’s lips drop open, eyes squeezed shut and Zeke hot and pulsing inside him. He twists an arm behind him when he feels Zeke starting to move, grabs him to pull him close, keep him still.

“Wait”, he gets out. “Keep still a moment. I need - I -”

Zeke hushes him, presses soft kisses behind his ear, scrapes his teeth across his neck. He stays still, careful of his weight, presses Levi down without crushing him. Levi is panting against the sheet, eyes closed. He doesn’t know why this suddenly feels too much. Erwin has been fucking him every night; Zeke is smaller, opened him up with three fingers. It’s an odd feeling, to have someone else inside him after so long. It had not felt this intense in Marley, maybe because the disgust and the horror had just covered up anything else.

“Does it hurt?”, Zeke asks, and Levi can feel the concern in his voice but also the edge of something else. He gives him a choked laugh.

“You fucking wish”, he says. Zeke makes a sound between offense and disappointment. “You can move”.

Zeke is considerate when he does, starts moving slow. It takes them a while to find a rhythm still, for Zeke to get used to Levi moving under him, meeting his thrusts. His hands are gripping at Levi’s hips, thumb stroking at the bone there.

“Fuck, you feel so good”, Zeke groans behind him, stutters slightly in his pace. “You look so good, god, I missed this -”

Did Levi? He doesn’t know. Maybe he did, if he sought it out again. Maybe Erwin is right, he likes the praise Zeke gives him. He likes the way he babbles during sex, he likes how he doesn’t seem to be able to control himself, how his hips start moving faster without him realising. He likes making him flush.

“Turn around”, he says when Zeke’s groans start sounding like he will come again soon. “I wanna ride you”.

Zeke whimpers behind him, nods agreement against his nape and settles with his back on the mattress, gaze wide and pupils blown. Levi climbs over him, grabs his cock and lowers himself slowly until he is fully seated, palms on Zeke’s chest and lips dropped open. Zeke’s gaze is adoring on him, his hands caressing Levi’s thighs.

He looks down, hands trailing over Zeke’s stomach, the ridge of his hip. Zeke just watches him, hips twitching and mouth agape. Levi rolls his weight a little, sinks up and down in soft motions. Zeke’s eyes squeeze shut, his hands tightening on Levi. There is sweat at his forehead, Levi leans down, runs his fingers through the strands. Zeke inclines into the touch, starved and desperate.

The pace is languid, and the pleasure is syrupy. Zeke is trembling with the effort of keeping it slow, Levi can sense how desperately he wants to fuck up into him. Levi just wants to see how long he can go without doing it. To watch him try his best sends a thrill through Levi, it’s the same kind of one he felt throughout his time in Marley, watching Zeke’s eyes go dark, inciting him and pulling back. Levi had hated himself for it back then. Now it’s not so bad. It’s not so bad at all.

“God -” Zeke chokes. “Levi - please -”

His grip is tightening, his hands controlling the speed, lifting Levi and sinking him down. Levi doesn’t think he’s even noticed that he’s doing it. It’s making Levi shudder. Zeke fucks up into him and drags Levi onto him, chasing the sensation. Levi throws his head back, a gasped noise coming out from his throat. It’s almost too much, the depth of the thrusts, the grip Zeke has on him. He is going to leave marks, Levi can tell, finger prints on his hips. He doesn’t even think it’s possessiveness, nothing in Zeke feels possessive now. He thinks he has just forgotten, really, forgotten that Levi’s skin is thinner, and he marks more easily, that he trembles from more now.

Zeke pushes his weight up, and it knocks Levi onto his back, sending a rush of something through him, this fear that’s overwrought with arousal. Zeke must see something flash in his eyes because he stills.

“Sorry -”, he murmurs, hands on either side of Levi's head. “Sorry, are you -”

“Fine”, Levi murmurs, eyes on Zeke’s. Zeke’s cock twitches inside him, his hips rutting. It’s an uncannily similar position to the one Zeke had him in that time they fought in Marley, on his back in the dust, choking and twitching. He thinks Zeke recognises it too.

Zeke brings his mouth to Levi’s neck, kisses where his hands grabbed, his thrusts still unsteady. Levi lets out a choked, unbidden laugh at the sensation of Zeke’s beard, raises his shoulders to push him out the crook of his collar.

“Tickles”, he mutters, tries to glare, when Zeke pulls back with wide eyes at the sound.

His smile turns hopelessly fond, he drags Levi close into what feels like a fierce hug, tight and too warm. Levi doesn’t care, just throws his arms around Zeke’s neck and lets him fuck him deeper. He has no rhythm, now, not really, keeps one arm around Levi and slides his free hand down his side, finds his thigh, his ass, groping and squeezing like he just can’t get enough of touching him.

“Does it feel different?”, Zeke murmurs against his neck, and of course he would ask, Levi should have guessed it. He arches when Zeke thrusts into him harder, chokes on a gasp.

“More intense”, he gets out, head thrown back. Zeke is still mouthing at his neck, his touch softer now even as hips speed up. “More - just more, it’s just more”.

Zeke pulls back, stares at him with blown out pupils. His hair is matted in sweat, curls sticking to his forehead. Levi lets himself be looked at, stares back and only lets his eyes flutter shut when Zeke spreads his legs further to fuck him deeper, lips dropping open.

“I can see it on your face”, Zeke breathes, voice low with arousal. “It’s different. In Marley you’d only let me see when you were thinking about him. But you are not, now, I can tell”.

“How would you know?”, Levi asks, breathless, and maybe that’s a terrible thing to say but he wants to know, wants to know what he looks like when Erwin is on his mind. He thinks about him coming home after dinner and his chest tightens. He misses him and doesn’t at the same time, oddly, wouldn’t want him here now but wants to fall asleep in his arms.

“You’d get this flush on your cheeks”, Zeke says, a thumb caressing his cheekbone. “And you’d let your eyes close, and you never did, you barely do it now”.

Levi feels it grow across his nose, a tingle under his skin, hot. He remembers how it felt to have them both touch him, the difference in the feel of their hands, or the pressure of their lips on his skin. The press of both of their bodies against him.

“You stare a lot”, Levi says, and it’s without the bite it would usually have.

Zeke just smiles, brushes his nose against Levi’s, and shakes his head softly. “Can you blame me? He stares at you too”.

Erwin does, Levi thinks with a tremble. He always has, and it used to feel as horrible as Zeke’s gaze did. Zeke’s pace is almost uncontrolled now, he’s chasing his own release. Levi grabs his jaw. Zeke whimpers.

“Sorry”, he says, breathless, tries to slow down. He pushes his weight back onto his knees and pulls Levi flush against his hips before he brings his hand to Levi’s cock. Zeke touches his cock like he remembers the exact words Erwin told him, the exact way to make him arch, his toes curl. The world almost ended between the last time Zeke touched him and now, they both almost died and he still remembers how the right pressure to make Levi gasp.

It’s pathetic, a part of Levi tells him, and another finds it quite sweet. Zeke keeps an even and steady pace somehow, even as his thighs tremble and his skin dampens with sweat. Levi is sweating too, it’s a hot night, and the chill in the air has not reached them here, wrapped up in each other. He groans as Zeke leans down, their chest brushing.

When they kiss it’s messy, mouths open and wet, Zeke pants against his lips like a dog. Levi’s lips twitch at the way Zeke’s thrusts lose the rhythm.

“You close?”, Levi asks against his lips. Zeke seems past words. Levi feels breathless too. “Again?”

“Sorry -”, Zeke manages. “I can -”

“It’s fine”, Levi promises, brushes the shell of his ear. “We can do this again”.

Zeke comes with a shout, buries his head in the crook of Levi’s neck. Levi can feel the intensity of it, the way his body shudders, how tight he holds Levi. Levi lets him, runs his fingers through his hair, hushes his whines as he kisses his cheek, the corner of his mouth.

“I am sorry”, Zeke breathes out wetly against him, voice trembling. “Sorry, I wanted - I should have -”

“It’s alright”, Levi says, caresses down his back. “It was nice, it felt nice”.

Zeke shudders, it’s a full body tremble, wrecklingly strong. Levi wonders if anyone has ever told him that, wonders what Zeke’s other experiences have been like. He is not sure he wants to ask, or know at all. He just keeps touching Zeke calm and slow as he feels him going soft inside him, Zeke’s breathing evening out slowly against his neck until he pulls back to stare at Levi. Zeke looks wrecked, lips red and wet with spit, hair in matter curls sticking to his face. Levi stares back, fingers tracing lazy circles along Zeke’s damp shoulder, the kind of touch that’s quiet and grounding. Zeke shudders under it like he doesn’t quite believe it’s real.

“You look like you’re about to cry”, Levi says, voice low. His thumb brushes the sweat from Zeke’s cheek, soft.

Zeke lets out a shaky breath. “I’m not”, he lies, poorly. “I just - I wanted you to feel good”.

Levi tilts his head slightly. “You think I didn’t? I already said we can do this again, didn’t I?”

Zeke breathes out like he’s still taking in the words, like he doesn’t quite believe it. His hands tremble where they rest on Levi’s hips, he pulls out and leans forward slowly, like he’s waiting to be stopped. Levi doesn't, just raises one brow.

“What now?”

Zeke doesn’t answer with words, just lowers himself further, kisses down Levi’s chest with a reverence that feels like muscle memory. His mouth is warm, damp, lips parting just enough to taste him as he goes. When he reaches Levi’s cock he breathes him in slow, hands curling around Levi’s thighs and eyes glassy, presses a kiss to the tip. It makes Levi twitch, leak slightly against his stomach. He cannot pretend to be unaffected by the worship. His eyes squeeze shut, hips shifting in encouragement. Zeke exhales hard through his nose, lips parting.

He starts slow, tongue flicking over the flushed head, makes Levi hiss sharply, oversensitive. Zeke’s lips wrap around him as he sinks down. Levi’s hand finds Zeke’s curls. Like this he can feel how much Zeke is shaking still, overwhelmed but eager, spit slicking his chin as he swallows him down. Levi arches, a hand coming to his mouth, knuckles to his lips.

“Fuck -” Levi croaks, and looks down incredulously. “Did you make note of everything that makes me moan?”

Zeke looks up at him with big eyes, like he’s done something wrong. Levi squeezes his eyes shut, pats his head like he might a dog and watches his features relax a little. Levi lets himself moan, lets his hips roll in time with the motions of Zeke’s mouth. It doesn’t take much, he’s keyed up already, the night has left tension in Levi’s stomach, a knot that’s slowly coming undone. Zeke holds his hip, strokes the bone and Levi comes with a breathy cry.

Zeke pulls back, immediately kisses him. It makes Levi sigh, makes his lips turn up into a smile. He’s leaving sloppy kisses across Levi’s cheeks, his chin, the corner of his mouth. It makes Levi grimace.

“You’re like a puppy”, he mutters.

Zeke licks his cheek. Levi puts a hand on his forehead, wrenches him back and fixes him in place with a glare.

“Don’t ruin a good thing, Zeke”, he warns.

Zeke just smiles, grins cheek to cheek and rolls off him. Levi shifts up to join him, watches as he pulls a cigarette out the pack, offers it to Levi first. He takes it, lets Zeke light him up.

“You look out of it”, Levi tells him.

Zeke smiles lazily, takes a deep drag. “I feel like I could be dreaming”.

Levi turns onto his front, props himself up on his elbows. Zeke’s fingers trail down his spine, stop at his tailbone and make their way back up.

“These were your dreams?”, Levi snorts.

“I'm anticipating you calling me pathetic”, he smiles. Levi raises an eyebrow.

“Me? Never”, he murmurs, lets his eyes close as he takes a drag of the cigarette. Zeke’s fingers are nice on his back. Zeke shifts a little, Levi can feel him staring. The sky outside is a deep purple, the very bottom of it tinged orange. Erwin will be back soon, probably. “Run us a bath”.

“Us”, Zeke says, tastes it. He smiles at Levi, fingers still skimming down his back. “Are you not hot? We can go to the pool again”.

Levi takes a last exhale of his cigarette, puts it out.

“Are you trying to get out of making me a bath?” “You?”, Zeke gasps. “I thought it was us”. He pokes Levi in his side. “Come on, it’s gonna feel nice. Refreshing”.

Levi sighs, gives in, follows Zeke down the stairs. His muscles are aching, legs tired. Sex with Erwin has been slower, recently, still heated but softer, gentle touches before falling asleep or right after waking up, the sun peaking through the windows. Zeke notices, of course, keeps a small self-satisfied grin on his face as he grabs Levi’s hand, leads him to the pool. They are naked, still, the sunset glow slowly fading and the sky clear enough that they don’t need any lights. Zeke goes straight in the water once they get there, watches Levi lower himself down slowly. It feels good to wash the sweat away.

“This was a good idea”, Levi admits. Zeke’s hands fall on his hips, bring him close. Levi lets him, loops his arms around his neck. He remembers being wrapped like this around Erwin in that river, Zeke’s gaze heated on them. He wonders if Zeke is thinking about that too, if he has been thinking about it for a long time now.

“You are full of compliments today”, Zeke murmurs, gaze on Levi’s lips. Levi shrugs. His mouth is open and ready when Zeke leans in to kiss him, softer and slower now, savouring it. It leaves Levi warm and flushed.

“I guess today you deserve them”, Levi says when they separate, watches the flush spread across Zeke’s cheeks, visible even in the night. He runs his thumb over Zeke’s cheekbone, soft.

“I thought a thief might have gotten in”.

Erwin’s silhouette becomes sharper as he steps forward, his lips curved in a smile. Levi looks at him, rolls his eyes. He can feel Zeke’s grip tightening on his hips even as he leans back slightly, like he doesn’t know whether he wants to defy Erwin with their closeness or run away from him.

“Those days are behind me”, he says, watches Erwin roll up his trousers and sit by the side of the pool. “Nice dinner?”

“He had interesting stories”, Erwin says.

He slides out of Zeke’s arms slowly, brushes his lips against his collarbone as he goes, and swims over to Erwin, leans elbows on the ceramic to gaze up at him. Erwin looks down, his smile soft. His fingers brush wet strands out of Levi’s eyes.

“He wants to meet you”, he says to Levi.

Levi snorts. “Why?”

“Because I speak very highly of you”, Erwin lilts, clearing his throat he looks up. “We should have some wine, all of us”.

Zeke hums agreement, an edge of uncertainty to it. “Sure. I don’t think he’s my biggest supporter though honestly”.

Erwin shrugs. “He lost family, deployed abroad but he is understanding. You were a bit of a poster boy by the sounds of it”.

Zeke looks a little ill. “Right”.

“He was”, Levi agrees, and then before he can help it. “So was I, though”.

“A prettier one than me”, Zeke wagers, giving him a brief smile. Levi rolls his eyes, drags himself out the water.

“Levi was more infamous than anything”, Erwin says, fondly. Levi gives him a sideways looks. “I don’t think anyone knew what to expect”.

“He means I ruined his investment opportunities with my surly nature”. He stands, stretches out. “Noblemen found me unpalatable”.

“Noblemen”, Zeke smiles, swims closer. “Such a bygone term. Gives away you grew up a century out of time”.

“What else gives us away?”, Erwin asks, with a genuine curiosity.

Zeke shrugs, drags himself out the water too and grabs a towel he brought out, throws one to Levi. “I don’t know. They are hard to catch. I find it sweet though, I will tell you when I spot another. You have a charm that's antiquated”, he says to Erwin.

“It was antiquated on Paradis too, don’t worry”, Levi mutters. Erwin gives him a look, Levi returns it. “You’re a gentleman”, he adds, sardonic.

Zeke smiles, brighter. “Do we - want some more wine?” And then, primed for rejection. “Or bed, I am tired”.

“You should see how big his bed is”, Levi says. “He should have offered it to us, if he were a half decent host”.

Erwin looks down at him. “We would have declined, obviously, as we are half decent guests”

“Obviously”, Levi tuts.

They end up getting more wine out, sipping on it spread on the chairs outside. Levi curls by Erwin’s side. He can feel Zeke’s gaze on him but it’s not jealous, or heated, just soft, understanding, maybe. The night breeze feels good on Levi’s skin and the wine is making his eyelids heavy. It doesn’t take long for him to lay his head on Erwin’s thigh, let his eyes close as he listens to them speak, as he listens to Erwin talk about his dinner. His fingers are scratching Levi’s head, going softly through his hair, down his nape. He only realises he has dozed off when he slowly comes back to awareness, eyelashes fluttering. Zeke is speaking in soft, hushed tones.

“I guess I have to thank you”.

“For what?”, Erwin asks. His nails are still scratching at Levi’s scalp, behind his ear. “He makes his own decisions”.

“No, for your -” Zeke clears his voice. “Your advice, I guess. Or - thinly veiled threat”.

Levi tenses against his leg. If Erwin has noticed he is awake, he is not giving him any signs. He hums, shifts slightly next to him.

“Well. I wouldn’t have left if I didn’t think you had listened”.

“I know”, Zeke says, quietly. He sighs, Levi hears him standing up. “I’ll let you be, Commander. I -” He fumbles, searching for words. It’s rare to him like that. “Appreciate your efforts. Good night”.

“It’s no effort”, Erwin says, dismissive. “You have been a better host, these last few days. Have a good rest, Zeke. We’ll talk tomorrow”.

Levi’s eyes are still closed but he is sure Zeke must be flushing. He hears his step retreating, slow. Erwin is quiet for a second before he squeezes Levi’s nape softly.

“I know you are awake”.

Of course he would. Levi grumbles, stretches slightly.

“Thinly veiled threat?”, he asks, sarcastic. “Wanna explain what that was about?” He looks up at Erwin, meets his blue gaze. Erwin just stares back, unflinching, that steely look in his eyes he gets when he does not want to share something. The idea of him and Zeke talking about him is suddenly nauseating. Levi sits up suddenly, jaw tight. “Erwin, just fucking tell me”.

“I suggested he should listen to your wants and your needs”, Erwin says. “Nothing more”.

“He was expecting to get me in his bed and you advised him on how to do it?”, Levi asks, teeth gritted.

Erwin gives him a long look. “I wasn’t playing matchmaker, I didn’t give him my blessing or anything. I was a little worried, because he seemed not to care about violence. I didn’t want to threaten him outright, I thought it might incite him”.

Levi’s brows furrow. “You thought a lot about this”.

Erwin blinks. “Of course I did”.

It makes his chest tighten.

“In the end I just -” Erwin breathes in. “Said you are different now and that you are done fighting, that he should think about what that means to you”.

“What does that mean to me, Erwin?”, he asks.

Erwin gives him a private, soft smile. “I couldn’t say, Levi. That’s for you to know, for the likes of him and myself to find out”.

Levi sets his shoulders, gives him a once over and then settles back. “Alright”.

There is a pause between them. It’s getting colder now the sun is gone, now only the light from the house casts them in gold. Erwin takes his coat off, drapes it over Levi’s bare shoulders.

“I think he thought about it”, Levi says, sniffs. “It was - he was - it was different”, he settles on.

“I think he loves you, a little, in his own way. He has such a strong desire to please”, Erwin muses. “Maybe you could have found an accord, together, if I had -” He clears his throat, eyes distant. “If it had been too late for the serum”.

Levi looks at the water, focuses on it. “I would have killed him, Erwin. I wouldn’t have stopped until he was dead”.

Erwin looks at him, breathes in, then out. “And then after?”

Levi bites his cheek, draws his knees up to his chest. He feels cold at the thought, this unbearable ache in his chest. He’d be alone, he reckons. Alive, but alone.

“I’d have been fine”.

Erwin kisses his forehead, drops an arm around him. Levi moves against him.

“Is this fine?”, Erwin asks, gentle. Like the two options are comparable at all.

Levi has never been happier in his whole fucking life. It feels too raw to admit, though. Too much. Sometimes even the happiness hurts, low in his guts, so unfamiliar a feeling he doesn’t know what to do with it.

“It’s good”, he murmurs, buries his head against Erwin’s collar. “It’s good”.

Erwin hums against him, holds him close and kisses the top of his head. Even this would have been impossible not so long ago. They have never been this soft with each other, this understanding. They have never had this much time.

“I love you”, Levi mutters against Erwin’s chest. “I am - I am grateful, you know. Even if I don’t show it”.

“For what?”, Erwin asks, soft. Levi shrugs.

“I don’t know”, he says, a lump in his throat. “All of it, I guess”.

When he pulls back slightly to look up Erwin is smiling at him already, his eyes lucid. Levi would say something about it if he wasn’t sure he looks the same.

“You deserve everything”, Erwin says, voice raw. “Everything”.

When they kiss it feels so natural, as everytime they kiss does, and yet still so intense. Levi loops his arms around Erwin’s neck, pulls him closer. His chest feels like it might burst with the weight of his affection. He thinks of Erwin not being here with him, of chasing Zeke to his death, and cannot believe they got here instead. Erwin sighs against his lips, soft. Levi’s eyes open just to look at him, the flush on his cheeks and the way his eyelashes flutter.

“I am grateful, too. That you got me here, even if it took me a long time to admit that”, Erwin says, quietly. Levi kisses him again, harder this time, feels him solid under his lips.

“You are just very stubborn”, he breathes. “But it’s good, right?”

He cringes a bit at the question, how whiny it sounds. But Erwin just tilts his chin up with his thumb, looks him in the eyes as he smiles.

“Yes, Levi. It’s good”.