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Chapter Text

I wake up to my alarm on my phone and I turn it off getting out of bed. I grunt as I get a stretch in heading to the bathroom to take a shower. After 10 minutes I get out of the shower and dry off before getting my uniform on. I go to my bathroom mirror and straighten out any kinds of wrinkles I may have before grabbing my gear and heading out to my squad car.
"7-Adam-19 show me 10-41, 10-8" I say on my radio as I finish locking by up my Remington rifle. I drive around for a little while until deciding to stop for some coffee and gas. I stop at a gas pump climbing out of the car and begin to fill it up to a full tank before walking into the gas station. I walk in and I get my coffee black and a chocolate donut and I know; how cliché of me. I walk up to the register and pay for my items and leave. As I'm leaving I get a call. "Dispatch to 7-Adam-19.' '7-Adam-19 go ahead.' 'Be advised there is a code 19 at Washner and Cornis street' '10-4 attach me to call' '10-4.'" And with that I paid for the gas and started my way to the code 19 code 2.

Two blocks away from the address I pull into the rundown part of town. Pulling up to the address it seemed to be an old beat-up house abandoned for what seems like years. "'7-Adam-19 to dispatch' 'Go ahead 7-Adam-19' 'Show me 10-23. Be ready to 10-63 description of place of .'" A few moments pass before I hear dispatch again. "'Go ahead.' 'It's going to be a blue grayish two bedroom house on Cornis Road. It's going to be the fifth house down on the right. Appears to be nobody on or in the premises. Let me get back up to my location.' '10-4. Enroute to your location now.'" I step out of the car walking up to the door which seemed to be ajar. "'Be advised the front door is open I'm going to be making entry at this time.'" I say as I step into the house. As I walk in further a putrid smell hits me like a slap in the face. I turn left around a corner freezing where I stand. As I look closer it looks like a small frail-twig like body laying lifeless as a what u assume is a coyote eating at the remains of the body.
I stop at it trying to get its attention. The coyote stopped what it was doing and looked back barring its teeth at me. 'Well I got its attention.' I thought to myself as I backed away slowly with my hands in front of my body. The coyote pounced at me knocking me to the floor before I had time to react. I held it back by its neck pushing it off of me and kicking it away giving me enough time to grab my pistol and shoot it. 'Bullseye' I think to myself before scrambling to my feet making my way over to the body. As I get closer I see that it was the girl from the missing persons report. "'Break, break, break.'" I speak in the radio stopping all in-coming calls. "'Be advised code 55, 10-109 Charlie, 10-107, code-91. Let St. John's know one 10-109 Charlie is en route.'" I say picking up the child and jogging to my cruiser putting her in the back seat. I back out of the driveway and make my way code 3 to the hospital.

After 3 minutes I arrive at St. John's hospital. "'7-Adam-19 show me 10-23 with patient.'" I say getting out of the car putting the girl on the gurney that the medics had waiting. I watch as the hospital staff rolls the gurney inside exhaling the breath that I didn't notice I was holding. I put my hands on my head trying to catch my breath and calm down from my adrenaline high. "You alright officer?" A nurse asks me and I nod my head in response to his question. I put my hands down getting into the cruiser moving to the public parking before getting out, going inside and waiting for the girls parents and the doctors.

After around two hours I have two officers walk in the emergency room doors with two distressed looking parents. I stand up wiping my sweaty palms on my pants whilst smoothing the wrinkles. "How is she?!" The mother asks. "Unfortunately I don't have that information yet. All I know at the moment is that she is in surgery." I say stepping in front of the parents blocking them. "HOW THE HELL DO YOU NOT KNOW. IT'S YOUR FUCKING JOB TO KNOW." The father now yells at me. "I'm sorry sir I am trying the best I can as well as the doctors are. I'm sure if you just give them some time then-" "SOME FUCKING TIME?! IVE GIVEN YOU PEOPLE PLENTY OF TIME TO FIND MY DAUGHTER. I AM DONE SITTING AROUND AND WAITING. NOW MOVE OUT OF MY GODDAMN WAY AND LET US SEE OUR DAUGHTER." He attempts to push past me but I stop him. "I'm sorry sir but I can't let you do that because they have her in surgery. She needs the surgery to-" "WHAT MY DAUGHTER FUCKING NEEDS IS HER PARENTS. NOT YOU PIGS." The father yells again as both of them attempt to push past me. "Sir I need you to calm down." I try to explain as I put my hand out in an attempt to stop them. *WHAP* was the first thing that my brain processed before it proceeded the pain and heat going through the left side of my face. I look at the mother who was scolding me holding her purse as her husband stood there with his hands to his side. I gave them a pitiful look before motioning to the officers behind me as I turn the husband around putting cuffs on him as another officer does the same for the wife. "LET ME GO YOU BASTARD." He yells thrashing around. "I'm sorry sir but I can't do that." I say as I have the second officer help me search him. "Do you mind taking them down to the station? Also no need to press charges. They're distraught parents who are just trying to take care of their baby girl." I whisper to the officer next to me to which I get a nod in response. I hand him off and go back to waiting. "'7-Adam-19 to dispatch.' 'Go ahead 7-Adam-19.' 'Show me 10-6' '10-4'"

'Why can't some people just act like adults.' I think to myself as I book the two males for battery and assault. I walk into the sally port getting back in my car getting ready to head back to the hospital. "'Dispatch to 7-Adam-19 be advised that you are needed in the debriefing room.' '10-4'" I say in my radio as I step back out of the cruiser and walk to the debriefing room.

As I walk in I see the department physiatrist along with a sergeant, two detectives, and the captain looking down until they noticed my presence. They all have a melancholy look on their faces as the sergeant -who I recognize as sergeant Bray, a father of who used to be my best friend- approaches me. "What's up with you all being here?" I ask flabbergasted. "The hospital just called. And we were just informed that your victim, Rio Clemente, had unfortunately died during surgery. She was severely injured. They did everything they could but her condition and injuries were to severe. I'm so sorry." He says as he puts a hand on my shoulder. When I feel his hand I immediately push it off feeling empty and my face clearly showing it. "You tell her parents?" "Yes they have already been informed." "Ok then. You have my report. If you need anything else or wish to ask me any questions regarding the case let me know and I'll answer them. If not then I'll be heading back out." I say turning around to walk out. "Cheshire. You should take the day off. Process it. Collect yourself." The captain says stepping forward. "I have processed it. And I have collected myself; therefore there is no need for me to take a day off." I say about to continue.
"It's not a suggestion. Nor is it negotiable. Take the day off, that's an order. And while you're at it why don't you talk to Dr. Baxton. I'm sure she would love to talk with you." He says to which I just shake my head. "If you need me you have my number." I say as I walk out of the room making my way to the locker rooms changing. After a minute or two I step out with my gear almost making my way to the front lobby before being stopped. "I thought I said to go talk to Dr. Baxton before you leave." The captain says. "With all due respect sir I'm not talking to a shrink. I'm fine. I told you I'm fine and I'm going home. Like you told me to do." I say before continuing, ignoring him and leaving the building. I go to the police parking garage and get in my motorcycle before leaving back to my apartment.

I grab my mail from the community mailbox before I head to my apartment on the first floor. I unlock the door to my apartment stepping in before closing the door. I kick off my shoes dropping the mail on the counter grabbing a beer from my mini fridge next to my couch and sitting down.
I drink and I drink and I drink. I wallow in self pity sobbing, yelling, and screaming. I throw stuff at the walls yelling at the top of my lungs. "FUCK." I let out a heartbreaking screaming sob. "Fuck man.." I whisper digging the bottom of the palms of my hands in my eye sockets sliding down the wall of my living room. "I'm so sorry Rio..." I whisper breaking down. I let myself drift off to sleep from the overwhelming exhaustion. I'm awaken to a loud pounding on my door and yelling. I groan in pain and brace myself of my hands and knees before getting up. I take a step before stumbling and falling through my glass table. I let out a long groan blacking out once again.

Chapter Text

I wake up from my dream-like state to laughter around me; my older brother, who's next to me in the passenger seat, my little sister who is 13 sitting behind me, my other sister who's not far behind in age being 10, another one of my sisters who was 6, and the twins who were brother and sister being 4 1/2. The trailer we were going to be staying in was hooked to the back on my mom and dads minivan, the trailer having to be big enough to fit eleven people, even though of course some still had to sleep outside in tents. We are driving on the highway and I have to slow down due to traffic. "You know you could've gone out drinking like a normal person for their 21st birthday right?" My brother says next to me. "Yeah well I don't know if you've noticed but I am anything but normal." I retort with a soft chuckle. "Fair, you got me there but I mean still!" "I'm sorry for wanting to spend time with my family some until I have to go off to college. Forgive me my dearest brother." I say in a mockingly funny manner which earns me a slap on my bicep. "Oh shut up." He says rolling his eyes. "Buba" I hear a soft voice from behind me. "What's up Ella?" I ask the third oldest. "I have to go peepee." She says frowning and doing the pee dance in her seat. "Can you hold it we're almost out of traffic?" I ask looking at her in the rear view mirror which shows a little head shaking no. "Alight I'll try and pull over so you can get in the trailer but you have to be quick got it? She nods her head frantically. "Alright give me a sec." I pull over, "get out on the right side so you're not going on the road ok? And be careful on the ice please!" I say unlocking the doors. I watch as she climbs out and goes to the trailer door waiting for my parents or grandparents to open the door. I look back ahead before I hear a skull-splitting screech and feel a sharp pain go through my right side and a substance like water but thicker, before everything goes black. My eyes jolt open to the sound of people shouting and a piercing pain on the right side of my abdomen. I try to look around but something is stopping me from moving my neck. I move my eyes to look in the rear view mirror to see what was going on and check on my siblings in the back first. When I do so everything seems to freeze. Where my lively and happy siblings once were was now replaced with blood and guts. It was horrific. More than words will of be able to describe. As I continue looking something catches my eyes in my peripheral, and when I look in my brother direction I'm met with something so horrific I'm paralysed.

‼️WARNING GRAPHIC DETAIL AND GORE‼️

As I look at my brother I see his left eye hanging out of its socket and his jaw split in half the bone showing through what was left of the skin on his jaw. The ski had been pushed forward entering through the back of his skull and exiting halfway through his face. There was brain matter on the skies and all over his lap. Blood coated the dash, what was left of the windshield, and after a few seconds of processing was on myself too. I panic and reach over to check his pulse to which I don't feel anything I try and unbuckle myself but unable to due to me being pinned under the dash. I reach to grab off the thing that was preventing me from moving my neck and ripped it off as I reach over to my brother to 'stop' the bleeding as there was still blood coming out.

‼️SLIGHT TALK OF BLOOD BUT NOT TOO BAD YOU MAY CONTINUE FROM HERE. ‼️

I feel hands wrap around my bicep pulling me away from him as more hands help hold me to the seat as a pair straps the c-collar back on preventing me from moving. I hear mumbling of voices before everything goes dark again.

I wake up with tears streaming down my face, trembling and a thin sheet of sweat formed all over my body. "Sh sh sh sh.. it's ok.... I've got you." I hear a voice say in my ear frightening me. I shriek trying to pull away from the mysterious voice from behind me but I'm unable due to there being a pair of arms wrapped around my waist. I began panicking and trying to push the hands off. "Beaux. I need you to calm down. Try and take some deep breathes for me and-" before the man can finish I'm kicking, hitting and scratching trying to escape the man's grip which only gets tighter the more I struggle. I'm flipped fully onto my stomach as the man's weight crushes me into the bed. "It's sergeant Bray, Beaux... take a deep breath. I'm not gonna hurt you." He says letting me calm down slightly before getting off of me. I turn around and look at him through my watery eyes. I notice someone else next to the sergeant on my right. I panic and move away from the man before I realize it's just my reflection. When I look closer I can see I tear stained face and snotty nose. He notices me looking at myself and grabs a tissue and wiped my face for me. “Beaux..” he started, “you know we’re all here to help you. Just let us in. Please…?” He asked softly. I sniffle back a sob before I….

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Fun little cliffhanger for yall. Enjoy and I’ll see you in the next one 😉

Chapter Text

Before I...

2 years earlier at St. John's hospital

I'm waiting at the end of the bed of what was left of my family as a doctor comes in and introduces himself. "Hello Mr. Cheshire? I'm doctor Antonio I'm the head of neurology and I'm here to discuss life support with you." He says walking up to me. I turn my wheelchair to get a good look at him and show him I'm listening. "After numerous tests on your father and sister we have determined that they will not be waking up any time soon. I am so sorry to inform you that your family was pronounced brain dead at 19:43 hours. We did everything we could." I stay silent as another doctor walks in. "I know this is hard but we wanted to know about life support. Seeing as you're the only relative left you are the only one that has the ability to take them off of life support. I know this is a lot to ask and I know this is hard but-" I scoff. "Hard? You're asking me to take the only family I have left off of the only thing keeping them alive. So who the hell are you to tell me this is hard. You know nothing about what I'm going through and you have the AUDACITY to ask if I wanted to take my only family off of life support?! YOU DON'T GET TO TELL ME HOW HARD IT IS." "Sir if you could please just take a breath-" "TAKE A FUCKING BREATH REALLY?! I CANT FUCKING BREATH. ITS LIKE A FUCKING STONE IS CRUSHING ME AND KILLING ME SLOWLY. I CAN'T FUCKING JUST 'BREATH'." I yell my breath picking up. "Sir?" Dr. Antonio walks up to me as my breath quickens into hyperventilation. "Crap he's having a panic attack grab the O2." "On it." Moments later an oxygen mask is put on my face and it becomes easier to breathe. I feel myself becoming faint before everything blurs and goes black.

———————present———————
"And that's what happened... I couldn't bring myself to face it so I just ignored it." I shrug as I sniffle. "Jesus Beaux... I never knew..." "No one did. I wanted it that way." "You know that no one would judge you. We all want to help you." "Do you know how I would be treated if anyone knew what happened? I would be the mayor of pity city. And if I was then no one would give me the stops and the cases that I want. They would see me as weak. And I can't have that." "Do you see yourself as weak...?" I make no comment. "Beaux... you're not weak. You are so far from that. Most people wouldn't have continued with this life. Most wouldn't try to help others. You are one of the best officers I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. You are smart, you are caring, you are kind, and you are the most selfless person I know." "Thanks I guess." I say my face beat red. "No problem. I should go now. But I'll come back later. I promise." "Mkay. Bye." I say as he walks out of the room. I get up and look around. I walk into the bathroom to get a good look at myself. I see cuts on my face and my neck most of them are on my arms and the bad ones are wrapped in gauze. I wince as I touch my face as I feel a burning sensation course through my face. I lay back down and go back to bed.

—————— 1 week later —————
I'm discharged from the hospital and given pain meds against my protest. I pull up my phone ready to call a taxi but before I can I hear that familiar voice. As I look up I see Sergeant Bray standing in front of me. "Hi?" I ask. "Hey I was told to pick you up along with your meds." "I can just call a cab. And I wasn't planning on taking the meds anyways." "The doctors say that you need to take them." "Yeah well I don't care what the doctors think." "Yeah well maybe you should because without them you would probably be dead." "Exaggerating a little?" "When we found you you were cut in the arterial vain in your arm. If it weren't for the paramedics and doctors then you would probably be dead. So show them a little respect." "No one said that I didn't have respect for them all I'm saying is that I don't want to take the meds." "Why not?" "Because I've seen plenty of people get addicted to them and I refuse for that to happen to me so I may as well avoid it all together." "I mean I guess but what if you don't get addicted? You're going to be in a lot of pain you know that. So just take them for a few days and lean off of them. If you need help I'm always here to help you. You've got my number." "Thanks but I think I'll stay away from them." "I can't make you do anything." He says with a shrug as he opens the car door for me. As we drive he talks. "So the chief told me to tell you that he's signed you up for AA meetings. And he just wanted me to let you know." "Oh hell no. I am not going to no damn AA meetings." "I don't think you have much of a choice." "Yeah well I'm not going. You can tell him that." "I'm not telling him! You're the one not going!" "Ughhhh fine. I'll tell him." The rest of the drive is quiet. He walks me to my apartment and hands me my spare key. "Me and some of the guys decided to clean up the glass and the rim of the table while you were away. Took us some time to find your spare key but here you go." "Thanks." I grumble out. "And I hope you don't mind but I threw away your beer." He says in one quick breath. "YOU WHAT?" "Beaux now calm down there's no need to be so angry-" "I paid for that!" "I know and I'll pay you back-" "Just go." I tell him already ticked off. "After he left I immediately went to the store and bought two six packs of beer. When in got home I finished almost a full pack before blacking out drunk on my couch.

Chapter Text

I wake up to a pounding on my door. I stumbled my way to the door to see Sergeant Bray at the front door. I open the door just enough to stick my head through the crack. "Are you drunk?" "Maybe. What's it yours.." "What?" "Nothing." "Beaux we talked about this you're going to be going to AA" "Nuh uh. You talked about it. I said nothing I never agreed to going to AA and I never agreed to stop drinking." "The chief said-" "I don't care what the chief says I'm not drinking on the job I can do my job just fine I'll drink if I wanna drink." "Oh so you don't care about what I say. What if I say you are on suspension for two weeks for disregarding orders." The chief says coming into view. "I uh... that's not really fair you gave me an ultima-" "No what's not fair is that you come into the job every damn day hungover because you refuse to get the help you need. That's unfair." I stay silent and look at the ground. "Now if you want to stay in patrol you'll go to AA meetings and you will stop drinking and YOU WILL go talk to someone about your problems. Unless you want to be stuck working the front desk for the rest of your career. You understand?" "Yes sir..." I grumble out "Good now let us in." I open the door all the way revealing the empty bottles of beer on the ground and only four remaining full bottles on almost empty. "Jesus Christ Cheshire. We just threw away your bottles and you already got more. It's been 8 hours for Christs sake!" I just kept my head down avoiding eye contact with the two. They go over and work on cleaning up the bottles and dumping out the ones with beer still in it. "You really don't see the problem?" The sergeant asks me. "I guess..." "It's a yes or no Cheshire." "I don't know!" He sighs. "You're going to AA whether you like it or not. I will drag your ass in there if need be but you will go. Do you understand?” “Yes sir..” “Great now this?,” he motions to the alcohol, “This is no longer acceptable.” He annunciates by throwing the bottles in the trash. “Got it?” “Yes sir…” “Good.” As sergeant Bray continues to pick up chief leads me into my kitchen going through my cupboards before finding a cup and filling it with tap water. “Drink this.” He hands me the cup. “I’m not thirsty.” “You were thirsty when you were downing those beers now drink the damn water.” I hesitantly grab the cup drinking it. “Good.” He goes and fills up the cup again. “Again.” He has me do that a few more times. “If I drink anymore I’m going to vomit.” I tell him as I put a hand on my mouth. “You’ll be fine one last cup.” He made me down two more cups before I ran to the sink vomiting what was left in my empty stomach. He just pats me on the back. “Good. Get as much alcohol out of your system as you can.” He tells me as I continue to vomit. When I’m down I slide down the counter side into the floor putting my head on my knees. Chief tries to rub my back but as soon as his hand touches me I swat it away. He just sighs and goes to the sergeant talking to him about something but I’m too drunk and tired to hear and to give a shit. They then come over and the chief rinses my lunch down the drain as the sergeant waits for the chief. Once the chief is done they reach down grabbing me by my armpits lifting me up. “C’mon Cheshire up you get” they carry me to bed bedroom laying me on my bed. Moments after i hit the bed I black out. When I wake up in the morning I have a raging headache and I feel sick to my stomach. I sprint over to my toilet before hurling what was left of my breakfast yesterday. “Fuck…” Is all I manage to get out before throwing up again. I decided to take a cold shower before heading out to go for a ride. I get dressed in my gear putting on some sunglasses under my already shaded visor. I get on my bike starting it up before heading out. With no specific destination in mind I just ride around the city. That is until I get pulled over. “Hi sir, the reason why I’m pulling you over today is because you were swerving a bit back there. You had anything to drink this morning?” He asks in one breath. I flip open my visor responding, “no sir I have not; also sorry didn’t really I was swerving back there.” “That’s no problem licenses, registration, and proof of insurance.” He tells me. “No problem my wallets in my right pocket I do have a handgun on my right as well. Just letting you know.” “Alright just move slowly and keep your hands where I can see them.” “Yep.” Is all I say as I grab out the information. I hand him the information and he heads back to his car. Not much later after he gets in his car I hear the sound of tires screaming. but before I can get completely out of the way the SUV hits the back of the explorer sending it flying into me which leaves me tumbling over his car onto the pavement I lose my breath before everything goes dark.

Chapter Text

I wake up to sirens around me and an ache all over. I try to sit up just for forces laying me back down. I open my eyes seeing people surrounding me my visor open and sunglasses off causing the painful migraine to take over. I groan out and shut my eyes again. The next time I wake I feel pain shooting through my body up and down my spine causing me to shriek out in pain. “He’s awake.” Is all I hear before loosing consciousness. When I wake for the final time I’m in a white clean room filled with the sound of beeping machines. I sit up fully with a groan before gagging around the tube in my throat. I reach for the tube in a panic the beeping sound getting more intense as I try to pull it out. Three people come rushing in as two of them hold me down and one goes to the tube. “Just cough while I pull it out. It’ll be ok.” As he pulls it out I continue coughing even after the tube is pulled out. “There you go, that’s better.” The older man rubs my arm before checking. My vitals and such and leaving. I lay there stuck in my own head unable to move. Unsure of how long I was dissociated for I come back to my senses as I hear a knock on the door. I see the sergeant and the chief walk in. “How you doing?” The chief asks first. “Fine I guess.” I spit out my voice gravelly and horse. “You were in pretty bad shape when we saw you. Scared us to death back there.” I look at the window just to see the sun is just now rising. “How long have I been here for?” I ask slightly nervous. “Ummm. A few days I would say.” I just nod and continue staring out the window. “So uh how you feeling? Like physically, I guess.” The sergeant asks unsure. “You mean how does it feel to be hit my a car? Not very good, thanks for asking.” I snip out. “I know I’m sorry I don’t really know why I asked that.” “It’s fine..” I grumble out. “I’m just going to try and get some rest.” I lied to them knowing that I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. “Alright well we’ll see you later I guess.” They both bid their fair wells before leaving me alone to bed rot. I dissociate for the next few hours before finally falling asleep.

———————-1 1/2 weeks later———————

I’m finally discharged from the hospital ready to order a cab, that is until an unmarked patrol car comes rolling to a stop. The window rolls down before I hear the voice from the car. “Let’s go Cheshire we don’t wanna be late for your first AA meeting.” “I’m not going.” I grumble out trying to flag down a taxi. “Bullshit. You’re going, get in the damn car before I have to drag your ass in.” He demands. I roll my eyes before limping away on my crutches. “Alright well be it.” He says getting out of the car. He walks up to me picking me up in his arms carrying me to his car. “LET ME GO DAMMIT, IM NOT A FUCKING CHILD.” “Yeah well you fucking act like one so imma treat you like one. Now we’re doing this the hard way because you refused to listen.” “Is there a problem here gentlemen?” A desk receptionist asks walking towards us. “No ma’am.” “Yes ma’am” we both answer at the same time sharing a glare with each other. “What seems to be the problem?” “There is no problem he’s being dramatic.” “I am not! This man is trying to kidnap me!” “I would not put it like that.” Well how would you put it? You’re putting me in your car against my will! That’s basically kidnapping!” I yell out managing to get myself out of his arms without falling. “Sir I’m going to have to ask you to step inside with me.” “What really?! I know him I’m his sergeant. I was given the responsibility to pick him up from the hospital and take him to his AA meeting. Ima police officer.” He says pulling out his badge flashing it. “I’m sure you are sure but again for his safety and yours we need to go inside and double check.” He sighs defeated knowing that this wouldn’t go anywhere unless he complied. A nurse picked up my crutches handing them to me before gently guiding me inside. They guide us to a room with security cameras and a guard. “So what’s going on here today?” “I’m just trying to transport him as per request of my chief.” “What station do you work at?” “SBPD.” “What’s your chiefs phone number?” 131-313-1313.” “Alright sir what’s going on today?” He asks me this time. “I’m just trying to go home and he tries to tell me to get in the car, I tell him no, try to walk away, and when I do he gets out of his car and grabs me trying to force me into his car.” “Ok well when you put it that way-“ “No one said speak. Is this true? Did you try forcing him in your car?” “Yes but I-“ “That’s all I needed I don’t need you to explain yourself.” He begins typing in the number and it rings a few times before a voice on the other line answer gruffly. “Hi this is Mr. Wagner with the St. John’s hospital I’m a security guard and I had a man attempt to force another man into a car. He’s stating he works for you. Is there any way that you can come down here and verify that for me?” There’s talking on the other line and a bunch of yep’s and uh huh’s on this side of the line. “Alright thank you, I will see you soon. Yup no problem, you too.” He hangs up and walks out ignoring us. “What is up with you man? I mean why are you acting like this, this isn’t like you.” “Fuck you. You don’t know me.” I tell him with my arms crossed in a chair. He just sighs sitting down waiting for the chiefs arrival.

Chapter Text

The man is called to the front and leaves only to return with non other than the chief. I look down the second we make eye contact slightly embarrassed by my actions. "So what's going on today?" Asks the chief. "Well I came here to-" "I wasn't talking to you I was talking to Cheshire." I look up shook and confused on why he was asking me. "Oh um... he was trying to get me to go with him I insisted on getting my own cab and when I walked away he tried to grab me and put me in the car. Then the nurse intervened and here we are.." I grumble out. "So I assume that he told he was taking you to AA, I also assume that he told you that it was by MY orders, which you seemed to refuse and make a scene out of this. Am I heading in the right direction?" "Yes sir..." "Great!" He clasps his hands and heads for the door standing aside it with one arm exceeding him in a manner leaving to assume he wants me to follow. "Let's go. We're going to that AA meeting." I head out the door and wait for him just outside. "Sorry to waste your time sir have a good one." "No problem at all. Have a good one as well and stay safe." "Yup you too." We walk out to the car and he peers above the car and around himself as he lets me in the passenger seat of his car. He gets in on the other side and we drive in silence as the sergeant follows. We arrive at a church and head inside. The second I enter that room it feels like all eyes are on me. My breath hitches in my throat as I try to back out only for hands to touches my back gently pushing me forward into the group. I turn around to face them with my head down. "I can't do this. I can't. I have to go." I say panicked. "Beaux you'll be fine. You need help." "I promise I stop please don't make me do this." "Beaux.." his voice fades as I go back to the memories bringing me back to that moment...

—————————Flashback ————————

High school. What I thought would be the worst four years of my life.
I headed into the locker room to change out into my football gear; looking down walking in only to bump into a solid chest. I look up pure fear in my eyes as I try to move to the side. "How many times have we told you to stay out of the way?" The quarterback asks. "Sorry it won't happen again." "Yeah but you keep saying that and it keeps happening. You see my problem here right?" He asks shoving me into the locker room leaving me to land on my ass. "Now we have to teach you a lesson on respect; again." He says walking up to me looking deeply into my fearful eyes and down at my trembling form. "I haven't even done anything yet and you're already cowering!" He lets out a roaring laughter along with our fellow teammates. "The only reason why you're on this team is because your dad's the head coach. You are nothing. You're so bad even he won't let you play!" He says with a smile in his face letting it fade as his face gets closer to mine. "You are nothing. And you will always, be nothing." He says as he lands the first blow. Everyone gathers around as the number of blows to my body increase. "Stupid, useless, peace of shit." annunciated by kicks is the last thing I hear before I black out.

—————end of flashback—————

I zone back in feeling arms wrapped around me, a hand on my back hushing me and pressed against a chest. I can feel the stream of tears down my face and my trembling body. Fearful of who these people are I let out a shriek pushing them away using my hands and feet to push me back into a wall near us. "Beaux..." chief says cautiously taking baby steps near me. "Beaux it's ok... you're safe. No one here's to hurt you, I promise." He says his hands in front of his body as if to defend himself. My eyes become softer as the situation becomes more real. I look around to see people staring at me, some even whispering between themselves. I quickly stand up and push past the crowd with my head down walking out of the doors to the church. I before I can make it far I hear a voice calling my name. "Beaux wait!" I hear a voice call along with quickly paced footsteps behind me. I pause with my head down embarrassed by what happened. "What happened in there? Was it something we said or did?" I shake my head no. "Beaux what's going on..." the sergeant asks me with a hand on my lower back. "Nothing. It doesn't matter. Please just leave it..." I grumble out shaking his hand off my back. "Beaux you were screaming bloody murder and trembling... you're not ok please just talk to us we're not going to judge you.." "I said just leave it! Please..." I yell at them before mumbling. They both share glances with each other nodding in silent agreement on approaching this topic later. "Come one let's get ya home." Chief says leading me to the passenger side of his crown Vic opening the door for me before closing it as soon as I get in. They both get in their respected cars and we drive off with no further discussion.

Chapter Text

The chief pulls up to my apartment complex, getting out and jogging around to my side to open my already cracked door the rest of the way. “C’mon let’s getcha inside buddy.” He says grabbing my elbow helping me out of the car. I shrug him off walking up the stairs to my apartment. I fiddle with my keys trying to find the one for my door as the sergeant catches up with us. With trembling hands I open the door just wide enough for me to slip in before closing the door on their faces and locking it. I hear muffled talk and a ‘beaux.’ But I pay no attention to it and walk away toward my kitchen. I open the fridge to find it restocked and empty of alcohol. I slam my door shut before laying on my bed, pulling my covers over myself. I close my eyes just to hear the chain to my door moments later. I open the door and peek down my hall and catch sight of the two. I immediately close my bedroom door locking it. I lean against the door for extra measures. Within seconds I hear pounding in the door. “Beaux let us in we want to help you.” “C’mon bud just talk to us!” “Just go away!” I shout angry and overwhelmed with emotions. “Please just go away…” “Beaux let us in we just wanna help you buddy.” I bury my face in my knees and start crying. “Beaux?” Hearing the desperation in the chiefs voice I wipe my tears, opening the door to my room. He gives me a once over before he walks closer engulfing me in a hug. At that moment I break down and sob into his chest. I feel a hand rubbing my back and a hand rubbing my head. “It’s ok… it’ll all be ok we’re here for you. We’re not going anywhere I promise.” After a minute of two I calm down stepping back and wipe my tears. I mumble out an apology keeping my head down my face heated up. “Hey you have nothing to apologise for. It happens and no one’s judging I promise.” I nod. “I just… I need some time alone. I’ll be fine I just need to wrap my head around some things…” I sniffle picking at my hands. “First of all stop that,” he swats my hands away from each other. “Second of all that’ll be fine. We have some stuff to do anyways but we’ll be back I promise.” He pats my shoulder heading for the front door. I bid them a farewell closing the door behind them. I watch them leave through my window and when I know they’re gone I grab my car keys and call an uber.

The uber drops me off at my car and I head to the hardware store. I go inside and get 6 feet of rope and an expansion hook. I head outside with my bag getting in my car heading back home. When I get inside drilling my hook into the ceiling not caring about what the landlord will say. When I finish that I go to the rope and begin to tie my rope. I hand the rope from the hook standing on a chair to reach it. I write a letter leaving it on my counter for the responders and others to have.

‘I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough and that I couldn’t protect her. If I could I would give my life for her every time. I’ve lost too much and it hurts too bad. I’m sorry for whoever finds me. I love you all, goodbye.

-Beaux Cheshire

Chapter Text

I pull the noose over my head taking a deep breath, I cuff my hands behind my back so I can’t turn back even if I wanted too. Looking out the window at the world just one last time. “Forgive me.” I say to myself before kicking the chair out from under my feet. The moment I feel the noose pull I my neck I begin to choke. I thrash my legs around trying to find something to stand on but failing from every angle. I hear a knock at the door before I pass out.

——————Sergeant brays POV——————

“Hey I got a bad feeling about leaving Beaux there by himself. He’s obviously emotionally compromised.” “I know but there’s not much we can do.” “Can we at least check on him? Act like we’re being him something, maybe donuts?” “If you think that we need to we can.” “If we could please.” “Alright I’ll meet you there.” “Thanks chief.” “No problem.” I hang up stopping at a donut store before heading off to stop by Cheshires place. I head up the stairs stopping At his door. I hear a thud come from the room. I knock on his door waiting for a response. And after a minute of no response I begin to panic but try to tell myself to calm down and think reasonably. After but two minutes the chief shows up and I’m panicking. “He hasn’t answered the door. I don’t hear the water running, I’ve called him multiple times. If he was sleeping then he would’ve woken up from the calls. I’m getting really worried that he did something stupid.” I say in one breath. “Take a breath. It’s ok.” He tells me as he reaches onto the door frame of the apartment. He pulls is hand down showing a key. He unlocks the door and swings it open. I drop everything freezing. “Shit. God dammit.” The chief says rushing to his side. “Dammit Bray get your ass over he and help me cut him down!” As if breaking out of a trance I rush by his side holding Cheshire by the waist as he climbs the chair and cuts the rope. He helps me lower him to the ground as I check for a pulse. “Shit no pulse.” I say as I begin compressions. “C’mon Beaux… C’mon!” I hear the chief calling in an ambulance in the background but I’m too focused on cpr to care. After a few minutes the chief pulls me back so the medics can get in. “Please you have to save him.” “They’ve got it. It’s all up to him now…” I hold back a sob refusing to look away. “We have a pulse!” I let out the breath that I didn’t know I was holding. “Oh thank God.” I whisper to no in particular. “I told you he’d pull through.” He clapped me on the back. “Alright we’ll meet him at the hospital ok?” I stop there still trying to comprehend what happened. “You did good kid. If it weren’t for you then he wouldn’t be alive, give yourself some credit.” He says walking out. I walk out with the medics as they load the stretcher into the ambulance. I jog over to my car running code with the ambulance and the chief.

—————————Beaux POV————————

I wake up to bright lights and the smell of bleach. I look around noticing the sergeant and chief sitting in the chairs in civilian clothes, and sleeping. That’s when I become painfully aware of the tube that’s in my throat. I begin choking and trying to pull it out my monitor beeping from my heart rate spiking. Both the chief and Bray wake up in a panic. “Beaux it’s ok I need you to calm down for me okay? Can you do that?” Bray says standing at my side as chief Vick rushes to get someone that can help. I grab his hand squeezing it as I choke on the breathing tube. A doctor rushes in with a nurse and chief. He the doctor snaps on gloves before he begins to remove the tube as nurse switches off the machine. “It’s ok buddy… There ya go. That should feel much better.” The nurse comes to my side and puts a cup of water to my lips. I turn my head to the side refusing to drink it. “Mr Cheshire, you need the liquid in you.” “I have saline I’ll be fine.” I say, my voice hoarse. She sighs, “yes but it will help your throat, I strongly advise that you drink the water.” “I’m good, thanks.” I say bitterly. She sighs setting the cup down on the sink next to me before walking out. “So considering what we know we have decided that it would be best to place you in a facility. You will be 10-13’ed and that is end of discussion. If you have any questions let me know and I will answer them to the best of my ability.” He says with a smile before walking out. “Hey buddy how you doing?” Bray says in a soft voice. I lay there ignoring him. “What happened. I mean why? Why would you do it? Did you think you had no one to talk to? What happened with Rio was not your fault you know that right?” He says rubbing my shoulder. “Get. Out.” I grumble out. “What?” “GET. OUT.” I face him glaring at him. “Beaux-.” “Get out or I will make them get you out.” He sighs. “I hope you feel better beaux. They walk out the door moving past the nurse watching me. ‘Great u have a babysitter now.’ I think to myself. I look to my right out the window. I replay the moment I kicked the chair out to the moment that I woke up.