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"Zaid!"
"I don't wanna hear it!"
"But I saved you though! They wanted you to go!"
"Oh, so what? I should thank you?"
Elimination that night was rough. Hannah and Benji pulled a blindside on Zaid and Ivy that left Zaid utterly distraught. He never wanted Ivy to go, he loved her more than the moon and stars, and ever since Tristan left, they've had eachother.
It was easier when it was just Tristan, not because he didn't care about them any less, but because he had Ivy going through the same thing he was. Now, they're both gone, and he was all alone
"Hey, Benj" Said Hannah, interjected their conversation "He needs time"
Zaid spat back "Yeah, 'cause you know how I feel" He was sick of their bullshit. Why weren't they with Jade, shouldn't this blindside mean they were all buddy-buddy now?
"I do" Said Hannah, tone somber "You forget that I lost Amelie, Diego, and Tristan"
Why was she complaining about Tristan? They weren't nearly as close to her as he was with them. She shouldn't be complaining
"Whatever, you'll never understand how I feel" He walked back to the shelter, a swirl of emotions bubbling inside him: Rage, sadness, vengeance, and a little bit of hope
Benji and Hannah were left there, stunned, yet they knew why he was so upset
"Is it my fault?" Benji asked, tears still intact from Zaid's confrontation
Hannah sighed "No, it's both of ours, he just needs some time to adjust. He'll come around, I promise"
She gripped the taller man's shoulder in reassurance, but all he could think about was the friend he just lost
It was different then when he fumbled on friendships previously. Most of the time people left him because the couldn't handle him, but this time, he actually messed up, and there was nothing he could do to fix it. All he could do was watch as the one person who took a chance on him out here (Other than Hannah) completely and utterly hate him
•••
Curfew had eventually arrived for everyone, and they were all getting ready for bed. Jade and Isabel were helping eachother put their bonnets in, while Hannah and Benji were talking. But no matter what Hannah said, Benji couldn't get his mind off of Zaid, who was curled up in the corner avoiding everyone
"Benj" Hannah said to him, snapping him out of his train of thought "Just leave him alone, I already said he'll be fine"
"I know that" Replied Benji "But how can I not be worried about the guy?"
"How about we discuss this more in the morning? I'm pooped" Requested Hannah.
"Fine, I'm tired too"
Isabel then blew out the little candle they had to bring the light out of the room. Hannah then initiated their normal routine.
"G'night, Isabel!"
"Blessed be Jade!"
"Night Benji"
Benji looked over at Zaid bundled up in his sleeping bag avoiding everyone, "Night, man". Zaid heard him, but refused to speak back, not to a traitor like him. Benji knew he was purposely ignoring him, so he let him be. Maybe tomorrow things will all go back to normal.
So, now Zaid was left alone with his own thoughts. The only thoughts that came to his mind were about Tristan and Ivy. He missed them so much, it wasn't even funny.
He missed their late night cuddle sessions, he missed building sleeping bag forts with them, he missed their yoga sections, beach days, food gatherings, he missed it all.
He missed Ivy's sweet laugh, her adorable smile, her beautiful face, the way she seemed to know everything about everything, he missed it all.
He missed Tristan's adorable tooth gap, their cheery and positive vibe, their ramblings about random things, the way they seemed so independent, yet still needed people to look out for them. He missed it all.
Tears began to prick the corners of his eyes. Why couldn't have it been him? Ivy should still be here, Tristan should still be here, they should all be there together, but instead some stupid crumpet muncher, the guy who told him he had a dump truck ass, and the girl whose name rhymes with banana had to take them away.
What started and slight tears turned into quiet sobs. He had never missed friends more than he missed them. They were more than just friends, they were family, and here he was thinking family would always stick together, what a joke.
He knew Tristan nor Ivy would want to see him like this, hell, he didn't want to see himself like this, so he sucked it up, and began to drift off to sleep while reminiscing
•••
Zaid's eyes suddenly fluttered awake, but he couldn't feel the hard ground on his body. He was confused, until he realized he was...in the middle of a field?
The sat up in the wet, dewy grass to see nothing but a vast plain concealed in fog. He was confused, but his confusion quickly melted away when he saw some figures in the distance
"....Guys?"
There they were, Ivy and Tristan, simply just making flower crowns together without a care in the world. Zaid's eyes welled up with happy tears, he was so happy to know they were okay
He stood up and walked, no, ran towards them He ran as fast as he could, trying to reach them, to see them, to speak to them, to just know they were safe. But, the powerful gusts of wind kept him from reaching them, the fog kept him from seeing them, it was like the world wanted to see him weep
Just then, he fell face first into the ground, almost as if the wind seemed to take him out, but it wasn't the wind. I giant chain with a heavy weight kept him locked on the ground. He couldn't give up, not when he was so close, but he wasn't
They kept going farther and farther away and the weight kept getting heavier and heavier, but he kept going. Even if it hurt, even if he wanted to quit, he couldn't, not when he was so close
"You should just give up"
That voice... It was familiar... No, he couldn't let it stop him, he will reach them, and he wouldn't let some stupid voice tell him anything
"It's not worth it"
I.
"You could've just saved them before"
Will.
"But you didn't"
Not.
"Because you don't deserve them"
FAIL!!!!
"No!" Zaid screamed, loud enough that it could wake up even the heaviest of sleepers "I'm not gonna give up! I'm not gonna fail! Not when I can't protect them!!!!!"
He screamed again, but not out of rage, of fear. The weight pulling him down turned into a deep, gaping hole. The hole was pulling him in, he couldn't stop it. He hung onto the edge for dear life
With tears streaming down his cheeks, he screamed "Ivy! Tristan! Anyone! Please help me!"
Suddenly, he heard footsteps. He looked up to see Spencer, Hannah, and Benji, the three people he blamed the most, the people who took who he loved
"You did this!" He yelled, pouring out every bit of pure, unfiltered rage he had left in him "You took them both away! You should be ashamed!"
They did not respond, they just stared at him with cold, heartless eyes. Zaid was bubbling with rage at this point. Voice cracking, he uttered "SAY SOMETHING! ANYTHING!"
They still didn't respond, they just gave eachother a nod. Hannah placed her heel on Zaid's forehead, kicking him into the dark abyss bellow
He couldn't even scream he was so scared, he was petrified even. He couldn't move, he couldn't talk, he couldn't do anything to convey how terrified he was. No one would listen anyway, he was going to die alone, no Ivy, no Tristan, no-
"GASP"
Zaid shot up like a bullet, adrenaline coursing through his veins. The pure darkness wasn't there anymore, just the darkness of their shelter with the moon shining above. What a horrible nightmare
At that point, he broke. He broke into uncontrollable sobs, he didn't care who heard, he needed to get out all of that pent up sadness and rage. The nightmare wasn't real, but those feelings were: Feelings of resentment, fear, sadness, rage, anxiety, and every other negative emotion in the book
He was shaking out of pure fear, his throat hurt from the sobs, his eyes felt damp yet completely dry, but he didn't care. He just kept on letting go of all of these emotions
Eventually, he gained control, while still lightly crying. Surprisingly, no one woke up, which he was grateful for. He did see one thing: Benji, sleeping in the stupidest sleeping position, snoring without a care in the world
Zaid thought he should care, he should care that he took the one thing keeping him sane out here, he should care about taking away the one person out here who loved him so much more than a friend
He already considered Benji an enemy, but at that point, he felt it. He felt nothing, yet so many horrible things towards this person for simply playing the game
This is what hurt the most: It was still a game, and yet, he was still crying over it. He shouldn't be feeling this way, he needs to suck it up because that's how the game worked. People lose eachother all the time, and the game just kept on going
He wiped the stray tears and started to get settled once again. He was ready to channel his anger into one thing and, one thing only: Taking out the enemy, no matter what