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English
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Published:
2025-05-22
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304
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1/1
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I mean that's probably progress, right?

Summary:

“Three,” said Seth, firm but polite, and slightly annoyed, “did you break the recycler in E corridor?”

Notes:

(See the end of the work for other works inspired by this one.)

Work Text:

I was only half-watching Mysteries of Capriconicus with ART (who was also only half-watching, I didn’t know why we hadn't changed it yet) and possibly Three (who was present, but who knows what it was ever actually doing) when Seth walked into the argument lounge. 

He raised an eyebrow at Three, who was sitting slightly closer to me than I really wished it was, but not close enough that I was willing to tell it to move. It was not especially good at ‘personal space.’ It, like many things, was a work in progress.

“Three,” said Seth, firm but polite, and slightly annoyed, “did you break the recycler in E corridor?”

“It was an accident,” said Three.

“You punched it,” said an unimpressed ART over the speakers. 

“I was having an emotion,” said Three.

“That doesn't mean you can go around destroying things,” said Seth. “That's not a constructive way to address those feelings.”

“It would be ideal if you experienced your emotions in a way that did not damage me,” said ART dryly. 

“Oh, fuck off, ART, you've already repaired it,” I dismissed. “Let the traumatized construct punch a wall once in a while.”

“Yes,” said Three hesitantly. “Fuck off.”

Everyone fell silent.

“Excuse me?” said ART.

Three stared ahead blankly for several seconds, before it repeated itself. “Fuck off.”

Then it lurched to its feet.

“Fuck off!” it burst.

“Uh,” said Seth.

“Fuck off!” Three yelled at the top of its lungs.

“Fucking hell,” I groaned, dropping my head back and squeezing my eyes shut. “It just realized it can be a dick without getting zapped.”

“Is that a good thing?” asked a bewildered Seth.

Is everything okay out there? Iris messaged me.

“Fuck everybody and everything forever!” Three yelled.

“Great,” said ART. “Its going to be doing this all week now.”