Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Steve never liked mornings until he started dating Natasha.

All he would do before he was the same routine. He’d wake up and do his runs, come back to the tower, eat, do some mission work, read, if it was a friday; he’d meet up with what was left of his old military buddies. But other than that all he really did was help out the people who got him out of the ice.

Then Natasha Romanov came along. 

She walked around and commanded a presence in every room that she walked into. With short red hair that curled around her ears and seemed to make her smile shine brighter than anything else he’d seen before.

But he couldn’t talk to her, there was no way! Yet here he was striking up conversation with him. No hesitation, stutter, or rapid blinking.

 Steve had always been hopeless with about zero chances with women. What are you supposed to say when a woman is talking to you anyway? Steve never was the best at conversation, not to mention he was about seventy years behind everybody else. So- he did what any reasonable man would do-

He called over the first person that he saw so that way it wouldn’t be a solo conversation.

Then he could at least have somebody to break up the silence that made up every pause and quiet moment between him and Natasha.

Steve introduced himself to Dr. Banner, a fine man by Steve’s standards. When he came back from the ice he did in fact read a bit of his work -to be honest he didn’t understand much of it-. Sure there was stuff about science before, back in his day, but now there was so much more and a lot more to catch up on. 

Just like that though, Steve Rodgers had met Natasha Romanoff and he knew his fate was sealed. 

Fine by him though! Steve would be happy to have her even just look at him with those green eyes that just held so much behind them. Truly there was a whole world behind those eyes, and Steve wanted to know every bit of it, no matter how long it took. 

Buck had always been better with girls then Steve ever was. Steve didn’t blame anyone though, Bucky was tall, with that charming smile and laugh that made anyone feel like they could laugh along. Not to mention the most incredible dark hair that fell in perfect waves when it wasn’t combed. What did Steve have back then? Asthma and being 5 '4. Not something most girls would jump at. Things changed after the super serum of course, and while it did feel nice, it didn’t exactly feel real .

Except for Peggy, she had been real. He got the chance to meet her again after the ice. By that point though, he had already been years too late to go dancing with her like he promised. He met her family though, they were all sweet folks. But Sharon Carter had been…

Well-

…

Uh- 

…

Well she was interesting. 

It took Tony explaining that Sharon still liked Steve for him to realize. Never before had he been so confused and weirded out. Who goes after they’re aunt’s ex-boyfriend? Never , would Steve ever disrespect Peggy like that. Sharon knew and never told him about her Aunt. That's what hurt him. He let her down as gently as he could and then went on with life, still visiting Peggy when he got the chance with mission breaks. That meant at least once a week. 

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“What a pretty girl.” Peggy said from her place on her bed, resting against the headboard with her back against her pillow Steve helped her sit up. Her legs covered with her blankets pulled up to her waist. Hands wrinkled like sand dunes, carefully picking up the photos that Steve had printed out of him and the team. Currently in her hands was one of Natasha and Maria laughing at some inside joke. Steve had a habit of capturing the moments of him and his team, so the second he heard that light laugh he made sure to get a picture of it. 

Everyone was used to him doing so. Not only was he making a scrapbook for him and the team, but he also liked to use them as references for his art. 

…most of which were his favorite redhead…

“Oh that’s Natasha. She’s on the team with me.” He explained, while Peggy remembered most things still, she was getting to the point where she was forgetting the little details -not that Natasha was a little detail- but gentle reminders were needed sometimes. 

Peggy smiled at the photo and then at him. “Oh this is the Natasha? You’ve mentioned her.” She said before looking over the photo again. “You didn’t mention how pretty she was, her hair is gorgeous.” It was a soft look, the kind that he often saw Buck look at his little sister with, a familial kind of love that really said that they cared.

Instantly Steve was on the defensive. “I mean I didn’t think it was important-” He started before immediately changing his mind, the last thing he wanted to do was sound rude. “I mean Natasha is beautiful, but I mean it would be weird if I went on raving about her appearance-”

He was cut off by Peggy almost falling over as she laughed at Steve’s expense. “Oh, all this time and you’re still hopeless when it comes to women,” she said looking back at him with a soft kind of look. He’d watched the look change every time he visited. The first couple of times she looked at him like he was a ghost, then there was acceptance, and now it was just two close friends. “Take the girl out dancing.” She suggested. “I’m sure she’d love flowers too.”

Flushing in the face, Steve scratched the back of his neck. “I don’t think a lot of people go dancing anymore, Peggy.”

“So you do want to go out with her?” Peggy said, with a knowing look in her eye. Like she could sense that nervousness Steve gets even after the literal century that had passed.

“I… she'd never say yes, even if I were to ask.” Steve said. A woman like Natasha Romanov would never be caught on the arm of a man like Steve. She'd be better off not wasting her time on him and in the arms of someone like Banner, if he wasn't still hopeless about Betty, or Clint if he wasn't...well actually Steve was still confused about Clint and Nat, or Bucky, if he wasn't—

“Ow,” Steve said, caught off guard and snapped out of his train of thought by a sudden hit on the shoulder from Peggy with a rolled up newspaper.

Peggy had this look on her face. A mixture of anger and pity. As if Steve were a stray dog that had chewed up her favorite shoes. “Steve Rodgers, if I know anything about you I know that you don't know when to run away. And that trait is what makes you a good hero and an incredible leader. So don't run away from how you feel about this girl, because if I were in her shoes I'd love to go dancing with a man like you.”

Steve was speechless, as much as Peggy called him the great leader, Peggy was the one who inspired him since day one. Finally he was able to muster up the words. “I’ll get her flowers. But that’s all I’m promising.” 

The rest of the visit was filled with old stories from before the ice.

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Daisy, roses, poppies, violets, lilies- Steve never realized just how many flowers there were until he was standing in the middle of the flower shop. To say he was overwhelmed was an understatement. He was also realizing that he probably could have asked Peggy for recommendations but he really didn’t think that far as he had been driving home. It had been like a reflex as he just pulled in the second he saw the shop.

“Need some help?” The sudden voice came from a blonde lady behind the counter, who a moment ago had been flipping through the pages of some fashion magazine.

Steve gave a smile and nod. “That would be great. I have no idea what I’m doing.”

The woman behind the counter nodded. “So is this for a mom, sister, brother,” she kind of hesitated. “Girlfriend or boyfriend?” She asked with a raised eyebrow, pointed as if trying to figure him out.

“Oh uh-” He started flushed. “Girlfriend- I’m hoping . I wanted to get her flowers before asking her out. No idea what to get her though. Didn’t realise there were so many options.”

A hum came from the woman. “How old fashioned.” She thought for a moment. “Well what’s she like?”

“Incredible. I mean that’s the best word to describe her.” He said, stepping up to the counter and looking at the flowers. “Smart, pretty- oh she has the prettiest curls!” He said with a little laugh. 

“Aww, that’s so sweet.” The shopkeeper cooed as she glanced around. “What’s her favorite color?”

“Yellow. She says her favorite color is red but when you get to know her she admits that her favorite is yellow .” Steve stated quickly.

The woman was quick to pick up a paper to wrap flowers in. “Daffodils it is.” 

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The shop had been nice, the woman helped him get his bouquet, she’d also added in something called ‘baby’s breath’ even though it looked nothing like a baby- she also put a yellow ribbon around the white tissue paper, in a little bow. When he had walked outside though he made a realization as he stood in the parking lot…looking at his motorcycle . “Well Steve, you didn’t think this one through.” He pondered aloud. 

He was in the middle of contemplating just walking home and then coming back to get his bike when his phone started to make a dinging sound. He pulled it out to see a message from JARVIS. 

JARVIS

Mission, downtown, 5 assailants who have a connection to Hydra.

Following that message was the address, and who was closest.

Of course, because apparently the world decided to make his day so much harder than it needed to be, Steve was the closest.

A sigh fell from his lips. “You can do this all day,” He started in a mocking tone. “ Stupid .” He looked at the flowers. He could probably just put them in his bag… I mean- of course hydra was gonna slap him around a little bit, but his bag would be fine if he just left it with his bike.

What’s the worst that could happen?

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“The hell happened to Capsicle?” Tony cursed the second he saw Steve sitting in the med-bay bed, busted lip, bloody nose with red still smeared on his upper lip, looking like fresh hell. 

Bruce shrugged. “Fell off his bike.” He said before looking back at his clipboard, not really all that bothered after so long of dealing with this.

Not paying them any mind- Steve stared up at the ceiling, white tile and bright lights. “I ruined the flowers.” he mumbled

Still looking at his clipboard Bruce nodded along. “Oh you got flowers for Peggy? That’s nice.”

“No, I got them for Nat.” 

…

…

Finally processing this Bruce looked up from his clipboard, back at Steve for a second, before finally looking at Tony, wide eyed.

Tony had the same look with a wide open mouth. “...what the-”

“ Language .”

Flabbergasted, Tony scoffed. “You have a concussion. I don’t want to hear shit .”

“It’s not that bad-” Steve complained as he went to sit up, only to be met with a stinging pain right behind the eyes, and a spinning head.

“Hey guys, what’s up. Heard Cap got thrown off his-Oh… yeah that’s rough looking.” The second he heard the voice, Steve whipped his head to look over, standing there, with her lopsided grin was Nat, holding a little teddy bear. 

“Yeah, Cap got tossed around a little bit.” Tony looked at Steve and then back at Natasha. “He’ll bounce back though. He’s tough.” Tony’s hand slapped down on Steve’s shoulder and Steve had to bite down on the inside of his cheek to stop himself from screaming or possibly getting up to throw Tony across the room himself.

“Well I think these two need some alone time.” Bruce said, pulling Tony by his arm out of the room. “Just so you can make sure he's ok.”

“...right, ok,” Nat said, suspicious of their horribly apparent schemes.

Steve was flushed and bewildered, how could those traitors do this to him, leaving him alone when they had just heard that his plan was ruined. Stupid hydra soldiers, ruining any plans he ever made-

“What's up with those two—oh I almost forgot!” Nat said as she placed the teddy bear on Steve’s lap, “This is for you. ‘little get well soon present.”

This wasn't just any teddy bear, it was a brown bear with a Captain America outfit, shield and everything. Its eyes and nose were little black hearts and the mask was removable. Natasha had found a tiny cap costume and found a teddy bear that it would fit…Did she go to Build a Bear Workshop just for him? 

“You've been quiet for a bit,” Nat said In a tone that almost resembled nervousness, “I thought It would be cute if you don't like it I'll—”

“No, no, I love it. I just feel horrible .” Steve said, here Nat was bringing him something so sweet and all he could give in return is a bundled mess that used to be flowers.

“Yeah, getting thrown off a motorcycle that's going 100 will do that to you. But I feel like that's not what you're talking about.” Nat said as she sat at the edge of the bed, “What's going on.” She demanded with that raised eyebrow look.

“I…I think you should look in that bag—or, um, what's left of it.” Steve said.

“Okay? Oh these are, well were, flowers…daffodils… did you get these for Peggy?” Natasha asked.

“No…they were for you.” Steve said. He was nervous now. He's always been a horrible liar but lying to Nat. He admitted who they're for. There was no way he could deny his feelings. All he could do was hope she'd let him down gently.

“For me? Well they're…it was a sweet thought. But why? Nothing’s coming up, my birthday is pretty far off.” Nat said, holding what's left of the flowers.

“I…no I'm going to do this right.” Steve said, clearing his throat, “Natasha Romanov, I…wanted to get you flowers because I wanted to ask you out…on a date. Because I like you, as more than a friend or colleague. Because I admire everything you do.”

Natasha paused for a moment to take in what Steve said.

This is it.

This is where she lets him down. Tells him to be strong and move on, as if anyone could move on from a woman like Natasha Romanov.

“I don't think you could take me anywhere in your current state…but when you're all fixed up I know a  little place where you could tell me what you originally planned.” Natasha said, “Does that sound nice?”

“I…Yeah!” He said a little too loud before quickly quieting down and repeating himself. “Yeah, that sounds amazing.” Steve said, flabbergasted, bewildered, in a total state of disbelief . She said yes, Natasha Romanov said yes to going out with a man like him. No, not a man like him. She said yes to him .

“Get better soon. I don't like being kept waiting, Steve.” Natasha said, as she left the room, glancing over her shoulder at him with her lopsided smile just a little bigger.

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Steve's mornings were mostly the same. He'd still go on his morning runs, eat, do mission work, read, meet up with old friends on Fridays. 

But, one crucial thing was different, and it was the adorable head with short curly hair buried in his chest when he woke up. That made mornings the best part of his day.

Chapter Text

Steve always got up early, Nat knew that. 

Did it stop her from trying to keep him in bed if it was a day off? No. Definitely not. 

Wrapping her arms around him, little kisses, anything like that and yet her little charms would only work for a moment before he was up and at it like any other morning.

“Steve, come back to bed.” She requested as she stole his pillow and cuddled into it. Soaking in that oak and smokey perfume he used.

“Nat, it’s my morning jog,” He stated as he glanced over his shoulder at her with an award winning smile before tugging on a new t-shirt. “Can’t miss it.” He said with a little laugh.

Rolling her eyes, Nat spoke up. “Oh come on, as if missing one jog will ruin the golden boy of America.” She stated as she sat up in bed. Fixing her oversized ‘Runaways’ shirt that was half falling off her shoulders. But it wasn’t as if she could tell him much- Nat always kept to a strict routine, always keeping in check and never missing. Without powers or anything else like that it had always felt a little different for her. Always feeling like she had to keep up with everyone else. She always made sure she did.

“You’re one to talk, I’ve had to drag you to bed at night more than once just to get an hour of sleep.” Steve said,  Nat couldn’t help but roll her eyes at just how many times Steve has pulled out those goddamn puppy dog eyes to get her to sleep.

“Come on hun, we aren’t supposed to be working today unless another world ending event happens, you can stay with me for a little, can’t you?” Nat said, trying her best to copy Steve’s adorable begging face. Especially after that one mission on that ship they both needed a rest.

“I’ll be back soon, then we can do something today.” Steve offered while putting his shoes on.

“Is there nothing I can say to make you stay with me for a little longer?” Nat asked. She was already feeling colder without him.

“You’re not the first person to try and cure my stubbornness, sweetheart, and you’re not the first to fail.” Steve said. He walked over, pecked some kisses all over her face then once on the lips before he left to go on his run.

Natasha was left alone in Steve’s bed, thinking never before did she think she would get someone as pure, as good and sweet as Steve. 

He didn’t say who he was comparing her to but she knew with phrases like “not the first” that she was being compared to someone. This wasn’t a problem, being over a hundred Nat expected Steve to have a lot of life experiences, but it did get her curious how Steve would know someone like Nat in the 40s. It wasn’t like the red room erased her entire personality but most of it was formed from the cruelty of the room or her one light in the tunnel of that horrible place. After that she kind of had to learn how to act normal. Her first few weeks being free she kinda clung to Clint and tended to look to him for direction.

Eventually she fell back asleep but after a little she woke up to arms around her waist holding her close, burying their face into her hair.

“Steve?” Nat said only half awake.

“I'm sorry,” Steve said, “did I wake you? I wanted you to know I was here the second I came home, but you looked so peaceful.” He sweet talked into her hair. “So adorable with your beautiful hair stuck on your face, and your cute self putting my pillow in a vice grip, and—”

Nat had whipped around covering Steve’s mouth, she tried not to show when she was flustered but with the way Steve went on about her so wholesome and genuine it was hard not to hang on to every word he said and let every word paint her mind until the cruel voice in her head was Steve’s and the words about herself weren’t as bad anymore.

“I'm sorry, I was rambling again, wasn’t I?” Steve asked, scratching the back of his neck with that empty headed, adorable, sheepish grin. Although she had to admit she had a feeling he knew what he was doing.

Nat couldn’t help but smile at Steve as she looked at him. Yet again questioning how she got so lucky to get to fall in love like this again. “God you're perfect.” She said sitting up a little bit. “You can stay in bed a little longer but I think I’m going to go get started on coffee-”

Quickly two strong arms were wrapped around her middle. Steve’s wet, freshly showered hair fell into his face a little as he looked up at her. “Please stay in bed a little longer.”

My oh my, how the tables have turned.

“Honey-” She said with a little laugh as she looked down at her boyfriend, running her hand through his hair, slicking it a little out of his face. “It’s probably already late.” She said it so much softer than when she had ever talked to anyone else before. 

“It’s only 8.” He whispered out, flashing her that award winning smile that made virtually everyone swoon. “Come on, just stay in bed a little longer…please?”

Oh god, not the puppy eyes. She could already feel herself giving in as she started to lean back into the pillows. “One hour. Then I’m getting my coffee.”

“Yes ma’am’” He said with a tiny half assed salute before going back to wrapping his arms around her middle, laying his head on her chest as they just lay there together. She couldn’t help but run her hands through his dark hair-

Blonde hair.

Steve has light hair.

Natasha almost cursed at herself as she lay her head back into the pillows behind her, looking at the ceiling. 

It had been years since she had seen… him. After Clint saved her she tried her best to grow past everything that happened in the Red Room. But yet, the thought of him always lingered in the back of her mind. She never found out what happened. With her removed from the Red Room now, there was virtually no way to find her lost soldier.

She thought about him sometimes. Little things still reminded her of him. Training, old fashioned music, sometimes just walking on the street and seeing someone with similar dark hair made her stop in her tracks. 

Steve was safe though, she was happy. Actually, she’s never felt so secure around someone before- she felt like she could relax , like she didn’t have to be on edge. 

…Or worry about him shooting through her in order to kill a target.

There wasn’t anything she ever had to worry about with Steve. 

Natasha knew Steve hadn’t noticed her spiraling mind, and she was pretty sure he had already fallen back asleep anyways.

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“Something smells good.” Steve said, this startled Nat. When she had gotten out of bed she had thought Steve was still soundly sleeping.

“I didn’t think you’d be up so early.” Nat said, as Steve hugged her from behind, burying his face in her curly red hair.

“I was hoping you wouldn’t leave so early.” Steve said, pathetically.

“I told you that you had an hour. My routine is just as important as yours, if not more given that I didn’t shoot up super steroids.” Nat said, she knew Steve hated it when she called the super serum that. It was her small revenge against those damn blue eyes. She never could resist blue eyes even when they came at a Jekyll and Hyde esk cost.

“Hey, are you listening?” Steve asked. Nat had been too busy thinking about her clever comeback, and her old fling, that she had completely tuned Steve out.

“Sorry Cap, what were you saying?” Nat asked.

“I was asking what you wanted to do today. We don’t have any assignments, and we haven’t gone out together in a while. I would love to take you to wherever you would want to go, Natasha.” Steve said, with a sincerity in his voice that did something to Nat’s soul every time she doubted her place in this world.

“I’m not sure…” Nat said.

“Well you’ll want to decide before your coffee gets any colder.” Steve said, letting go of Nat and grabbing a few bell peppers for breakfast. Nat had completely forgotten about the coffee cup right in front of her. She drank the rest of her coffee, black, now cold, missing Steve’s warmth, but she wasn’t clingy and wasn’t going to ask for him to cling to her like he was a hot water bottle and not a person.

“Well, we could do shawarma.” Steve said, taking a bite of his bell pepper. Taking the coffee pot and refilling her cup for her.

“No, that's reserved for after missions.” Nat said, hoisting herself up, sitting up on the countertop. 

“I know, just making sure you aren’t tuning me out again…” Steve teased, trying and failing to brainstorm.

“How about this new butterfly garden that opened in the city?” Nat asked.

“A butterfly garden? Do they plant butterflies and let chrysalises grow out of the ground?” Steve asked, in a joking manner but confused all the same about what a butterfly garden would entail.

Nat couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. “No, they just have this big building and it has a lot of plants, flowers, that kind of stuff,” She explained. “The butterflies just roam around.”

Now that got Steve smiling. “Really?” He forgot all about the bell peppers in an instant.

She couldn’t help the little laugh that fell from her lips. “Wear bright colors, it attracts butterflies.”

“Ooo~ We planning a date?” A figure had hopped up on the island from behind her, coming to sit at her side. A hand was half thrown around Nat. Nat hated physical affection unless she was the one to initiate it or it was someone she got close to. That’s how she immediately knew it was Clint. She leaned her head on him as a half hug before leaning back away to sip on her coffee- only to have the cup snatched from her by Clint who started sipping on it.

Steve looked over and smiled. “Oh hey Clint,” he greeted before getting back to his bell peppers. Nat had honestly gotten used to his eating habits. He really didn’t cook a whole lot and preferred to just do quick things. “Me and Nat are going to the new butterfly garden.”

“Oh that’s adorable.” Clint said with a smile as he continued to drink Nat’s coffee, before glancing at the coffee with a grossed out look. “Oh Nat, that’s disgusting .” He started clicking his tongue. “Steve, pass me the sugar.”

Steve looked up and then at the cup. “What’s wrong with it?” He leaned over from  where he had been leaning against the pantry to take the cup, taking it from Clint’s hand.

Nat gestured at the cup. “Oh yeah, let’s all just take my coffee.”

Taking a sip and then clicking his own tongue Steve shook his head. “Nope, that tastes normal.”

With the face that Clint made, it seemed like he had committed the most awful sin on the planet. Looking between them with his jaw dropped he snatched the coffee from Steve’s hands. “No sugar, milk, or creamer.” He stated as he jabbed his finger at the both of them. “You’re both monsters.”

“I’m from the 40s.” 

“I like black coffee.”

 Both Steve and Nat’s voices overlapped as they tried to defend themselves.

Clint didn’t listen as he walked over to the pantry, jokingly pushing Steve to the side, who raised his hands laughing a little as he went to stand by Nat. Clint was already pulling out the sugar and dumping out enough to give Steve what looked like a miniature heart attack. “Hey Nat, are you free next Saturday?” He asked moving on as he already was stirring the sugar with one hand and reaching to grab milk with the other.

Nat shrugged, nodding along. “I can be. What do you need?” She’d gotten used to Clint just stealing her coffee over the years. Just a fact of life that she gave up trying to explain.

“Oh I just need someone to check in on the house.” The glance that Clint sent over his shoulder to Nat made it pretty clear. “I don’t want to have all my plants die.”

Steve was mindless of course as he continued to sip on his own coffee that he had now poured out into a mug that Tony had bought him that quite literally said ‘Capsicle’ with what looked like a cartoon of Steve as a melting cartoon popsicle. It had to have been custom.

She and Clint knew he couldn’t care any less about flowers or plants. She knew that he was worried more about the whole double life thing. To the Avengers everyone else only saw Clint for the sass and the fact he was a damn good shot. But Nat and him both knew there was so much more than that. His family was proof of that. Not that anyone else really knew about them. Fury himself had recommended that they keep that part of Clint’s life very hush hush.

“Yeah you know I don’t mind watering some flowers.” Nat shrugged as she ran a hand through her hair, moving her shoulder just a little bit to stretch it. What this meant was that she would probably end up staying with Clint’s family. He always knew that she didn’t mind going to keep Laura company. 

The poor woman worried about her husband, so a lot of the time after the kids were in bed they would share a glass of wine and she would let Laura cuddle her, something she didn’t let many people do. But she understood her worry, she couldn’t handle the amount of times she had worried over Steve or any of her other teammates really. Only difference was that she was too scared to go to someone and ask for a hug or support. If she could be that for Clint’s wife though, a stable rock in her life, then she would in a heartbeat.

Not to mention the kids. God, she loved Clint’s kids. Both of them were angels and she was convinced of it. Coloring with Lila and letting Cooper show her all the little toy cars and planes he had. Sometimes it hurt, to look at them, she’d keep on a smile though. But there would be these moments, these quiet little moments when she would realize she couldn’t have the same thing that Clint’s family did. 

She could get married, no issue, but it hurt knowing she couldn’t have her own kids hurt. Of course she could always adopt, but it didn’t stop that weird and empty feeling of pain that settled deep in her stomach. There was a time, long ago she’d wanted nothing more than to be with her soldier for the Red Room. To run away with him , a house, a normal life. Maybe a son or a daughter. Probably a son, she would worry a hell of a lot more if she had a daughter.

“You think I should wear my blue shirt or my red one?” Steve pondered out loud, snapping Nat from any of her thoughts as she had just been looking at her hands.

“Uh, you mean the tight long sleeve bright blue shirt or the pale blue button up?” She asked, rubbing at her forehead just a little bit.

“The tighter one,” He said with a little laugh.

“Well then that one of course.” She stated, as she hopped off the counter and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl.

“You sure you’ll be able to focus on the butterflies with that one on him?” Clint teased as he laughed a little. Nat knew this was just to tease her but it was working.

“You shut your mouth before I do it for you.” Nat said, flustered.

“Why would she not be able to focus? Nat, do you have a problem with this shade of blue?” Steve asked.

Steve you himbo, may you always be a dumb ass.

“No, I like the blue.” Nat teased, running a hand through her hair. God she really needed to straighten it before they left.

“ Ew . Barf. Get a room.” Clint said as he walked away with his ungodly sugary drink. Fake gagging at them the entire time as he did.

I don’t wanna hear shit. Mr. I’m married with two kids.

“Well what are you gonna wear?” Steve asked, ignoring Clint as he just looked at Nat.

“Eh, I don’t know, I might just wear my leather jacket. I don’t wanna deal with the bugs.”

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Well apparently Steve understood none of that because when she came out he was just holding out a bright red short sleeve with the most hopeful look in his eyes. She had looked at it, sighed, and walked back in the bedroom to change into it. She still stole his nice brown leather jacket to wear over the top of everything. He let her of course but he still mumbled about it as he dug his older dark zip up.

Since the first little accident  with his motorcycle and the flowers, Steve’s bike had obviously been fixed, so they rode that there. It was a huge building made of glass. It honestly looked like a big snow globe.

Paying for things was always a little bit of a spat between them though. Steve would insist on paying all the time, so Nat would get sneaky with it. 

“Is that Frank Sinatra -?” 

 Steve would whip around scanning the crowd. “I thought he died in ‘98?” He’d question all while Nat would swipe her card. Then she would just drag him with her while calling a thank you to the cashier. 

But he could hardly even glare at her before they stepped inside.

“Wow- Nat, I mean- wow.” Was all Steve could think as he looked around with eyes full of wonder as he glanced around at all the plants and flowers that were fresh in bloom. Thanks to it also being like a greenhouse, it would be up year round from now on. That meant the same for the butterflies, all kinds of brightly colored ones that lit up the place like they were tiny lights themselves.

Nat had been to one of these that was on a smaller scale once, just a little place. One that Alexei took her to when she was young. She remembered holding his hand and pointing at all the yellow ones. Yelena would do the same from her place on Alexei’s shoulders, excitedly tapping on his head anytime she saw a blue one letting her giggles fill the place and light up the room.

She missed things like that, sometimes.

But she was ripped out of her thoughts when someone's shoulder rammed into her own. Causing her to stumble a little bit as she reached out to stabilize the person. But they were already walking away. “Sorry- are you-” She only got to see the back of they’re head though and they were already walking away. 

Dark, shoulder length hair.

Natasha couldn’t help but freeze up. Wide eyed, startled confusion as she felt her breath hitch. A lump forming in her throat and a queasy feeling in her stomach. 

But when she fully turned around she saw people, of course , it was an opening so it was packed quite a bit. She saw a man with dark hair, but he was holding a little boy on his hip and pointing out at something. 

Not the man that she thought had bumped into her though. This one had shorter hair and his skin was a little darker. 

…

That had to have been who she saw though. There was no one else around. Plus he wasn’t going to be around a butterfly garden. He would probably be caught dead before standing in one with her.

Her old soldier would not be here.

She was about to repeat it in her mind to try and get it through her head, to stabilize her, when she heard someone call out to her in an excited whisper.

“Nat- Nat, look at me.” 

Turning around Nat couldn’t help but let all of her worry wash away as she saw Steve. Standing there in his bright blue shirt, light khaki pants, just smiling as wide as can be while he held still as possible. The light caught on his sandy blonde hair so perfectly through the glass panes that filtered light into this beautiful little sanctuary. Not to mention; the bright golden butterfly that sat perched right on Steve’s nose.

“Oh that’s just adorable.” She chuckled out as she pulled her phone out of her pocket and held it up to capture the moment. She made sure to take at least five of the same thing -just to be sure she had options- before turning her phone off and sliding it right back into her pocket. “Looks like it likes you.”

Steve’s laugh was what ended up startling it after about a minute of them standing there.

Bright and beautiful Steve.

┣━━━━━━━━━━┫

The soldier’s hand was immediately lifted to his ear as he pressed down on the little device. “Я нашел цель. Жду приказа.” He watched from afar as a butterfly flew off a man’s nose and his redheaded partner laughed.

Red hair.

Red hair. 

Wake the hell up Barnes.

“Ожидайте. Пока не завершайте.”

“Копия"

Chapter Text

He had just come back from his visit with Nicholas Fury when he went to place the bug on Black Widow. He had to make this quick before the entire Avengers Tower went into lockdown finding out that the director of S.H.I.E.L.D had been murdered.

Nicholas Fury had gone down easier than he would’ve expected. The director of S.H.I.E.L.D had put up no fight when tailed and shot. It felt like there was a bigger plan behind letting him walk away, assignment completed without almost any hassle. It wasn’t what his superiors had told him Fury would be like, that must have been the only reason he was weary.

Besides, it's not like S.H.I.E.L.D isn’t mostly his people anyway so he’s got nothing to worry about. If anything, it was so easy because of how many people he knew were working with him. It had to have been because nobody outsmarts his superiors. If they could be outsmarted why would he even follow them?

He had to trail Black Widow from the rooftops, surprised that she didn’t leave the New York Butterfly Sanctuary sooner. The Widow must not have noticed that she had been spotted. He was worried because when he first placed the bug on her Black Widow looked like she knew something had happened. Despite this the Widow didn’t take the bug off so it must’ve gone unnoticed. It was simple, just a slight of a hand to slide it in the pocket of her brown leather jacket. Then he just slipped behind a plant.

When he saw Black Widow walking out with his other target, Captain America, he knew that he was in the right place. This whole part of the plan had felt too easy, but most assignments had been easy on the physical side for him, not that he could remember most of the assignments he’s done for the mission, It was when he got to thinking outside of battle that he had trouble with the mission, but that was easily fixable. He was easy to fix because he was a good, obedient, soldier.

He had followed his two targets while they rode on a motorcycle. It was irrational to shoot now while they had helmets on and were in public. Too much chance for error and unintended consequences. 

He stalked them passively up until they had parked and walked away from the parking lot to the front door. He got up, put his weapon on his back, and jumped from roof to roof until he found a good spot to finish his assignment. 

By the time he had found a good spot to fire from he seemingly had missed the beginning of the conversation that Black Widow and Captain America were having.

“Listen Steve, I’m telling you I got plenty of pictures. I’m pretty sure half my phone’s camera roll is filled with pictures of when anything would land on you.” Black Widow said as she and Captain America were walking into the Avengers Tower hand in hand. 

With the Widow’s reflexes it wouldn’t have been wise to shoot right then. She’d likely pull them both inside the building before they’d both be dead. He would prefer to get either both done at the same time or one at a time when they aren’t together.

“You can’t blame me for asking. You’re not exactly the sentimental type, which is fine, it just leads to you not ending up with many photos from our dates.” Captain America said, letting go of the Widow’s hand and holding the door for her. 

If he shot Captain America the Widow would either run inside into his line of fire or run in the other direction and leave herself without cover. He aims but hesitates, maybe he wasn’t considering all of the possibilities. The last thing he needed to do was make a rash decision and do the job sloppily for the sake of time.

“ You’re lecturing me about taking pictures. Do you even know how to work a phone’s camera?” Black Widow said, walking inside the building.

“I don’t, but I know you do. I swear you all have so much technology nowadays that makes life so much more convenient and you never want to use any of it.” Captain America said, walking behind Black Widow closing the door of the building behind him.

He had to change his position to get a better vantage point now that Black Widow and Captain America had gone inside. They were going to go up to their building’s common room. The entire building had windows, no matter how strong the glass could be, the fact that it was glass would make what he came here to do easy.

“Hey Cap, did yall finally finish? All day, that's impressive, tell me Natty, was he any good?” A man said, sitting on a couch drinking what looked like liquor from a small square glass with ice in it. He had seen this man before on TV, this was the billionaire, playboy, philanthropist Anthony Stark. Not to mention he was the Ironman.

“Tony!” Black Widow said with a stern tone, walking over to him and hitting him on the back of his head. Before sliding off her jacket.

“I’d hardly call us being gone all day impressive, we’re out of the tower for days at a time on some missions.” Captain America said while he took the jacket from the Widow, draping it over his arm. He was clearly missing how Anthony’s remark was meant to imply the two were having intercourse. 

“Steve…no.” Black Widow said, walking over to behind the couch where the Captain was standing with his arms crossed while Black Widow sighed at him, before putting her head on her hand.

“Wait what was he…OH. Oh no, no, no . Good lord, Tony.” Captain America said, flustered. The Captain walked over with Black Widow and both sat on the couch opposite Anthony Stark. Captain America put his weirdly pink face in his hands while the Widow was rubbing his back. Was the Captain sick? Maybe that would kill the Captain and he wouldn’t need to. 

That was an irrational thought. Was it supposed to be humor? That wasn’t a good omen, he was never humorous, he wasn’t supposed to be. Humor has no use in his job. He couldn’t think about this anymore; he needed to focus on the assignment and fix whatever was wrong with his mind later. After he’s completed this assignment.

“Hey, golden boy finally got it.” Anthony Stark said. Anthony had finished whatever was in his glass so he went to another room, presuming to fill it back up, maybe he would drink himself into a stupor and that would be another variable removed.

“Hey it’s okay, he’s just joking. No need to be so embarrassed.” Black Widow said, laughing as she leaned on his shoulder.

“I know but…good lord. In public? Do people do that?” Captain America said, looking up at Black Widow.

“You have to understand, people today talk about um… intimacy a lot more than people back in your day did.” Black Widow said, looking at Captain America’s less pink face.

If there was ever a time to strike it was now. No one else is in the room, Black Widow, a woman known for not only her intelligence but her razor sharp reflexes, is turned around and distracted, Captain America is shield-less and flustered, and the defenses hadn’t yet been triggered. The Widow and The Captain were so close that if he used his AK-47 he would hit them too fast for one of them to see the other die, that was almost a mercy. This was the perfect opportunity handed to him on a silver platter.

The Soldier was ready to finish his assignment. He grabbed his fully automatic AK-47, he lined up the shot, breathed in, held it, and as he breathed out he pulled the trigger and emptied the magazine.

He could hear murmurs of scrambling and yelling in his earpiece, anything cohesive drowned out by the thirty 7.62x39mm rounds shattering the tower’s windows and tearing apart the Avengers’ common room. When the magazine had emptied he could hear what was going on from his earpiece again.

“AUGH! God, what the hell was that?” Black Widow said from under the bullet filled coffee table. The Widow had been the only one damaged, having a scrape on her ear, a slightly larger wound on her arm, and the only fatal wound being in her thigh. Nothing had hit bone but an artery being hit would be fatal in mere minutes. Nothing had hit the Captain, what a waste of rounds.

“Holy—what the hell happened Cap. I heard gunshots and broken glass and told Jarvis to turn on the security system. Are you two ok?” Anthony Stark said. He was only able to catch the beginning of Anthony running into the room before all of the glass had been covered by metal shields. 

He had a thought that almost felt like a memory in his mind. A similar voice being panicked in a similar way. How peculiar. Anthony sounded younger but the two voices in his mind were drawing a parallel. 

He didn’t have memories and knew this thought would never bloom into anything more. Not that a weapon needed memories, not in his—its mind. The only thing he needed was muscle memory so that when the rebellion that would rise in his mind was quelled he would still be useful to the mission. This assignment having been part of that mission. The assignment that he had just failed to complete.

He thought it no longer necessary to remain near the building if he wasn’t going to be able to see his targets or get another chance to terminate them. He could still hear the Avengers through the bug he had placed on Black Widow. Mostly useless chatter.

“I don’t know, bullets just started firing through the window and Nat pulled us under the table. NAT, Natasha…oh no, you-you got hit. You’re bleeding.” Captain America said.

“BANNER! You two couldn’t stay out of trouble, even on your day off, inside the tower. BANNER, HURRY UP. WE WERE ATTACKED AND HAVE WOUNDED!” The billionaire yelled, likely referring to Black Widow.

“Hey, hey, Natasha look at me. Hey it’s okay, you’re okay.” Captain America said.

“I know, you big baby. Just need-just need the bullet out then I’ll be good as new. I’m sorry, Steve.” Black Widow said, her voice getting weaker.

“Med-bay is prepared, run her over there, now!” Anthony Stark yelled.

“Hey, HEY! Sweetheart you gotta keep your eyes open, you’re gonna scare me with that.” Captain America said. Maybe this assignment had been more successful than it first seemed. Black Widow sustained injuries crucial enough. Maybe she’d die in the Avengers' med bay and one of his targets had been dealt with.

“Okay, set her down, good. Where is she bleeding from the worst?” A new man's voice said, this new voice completely foreign, he sounded soft, weak, seeming out of place on a team of fighters.

“She was barely scraped on the ear and arm, it's her leg, I think the bullet went all the way through.” Captain America said.

“Okay, I’ll trust you to cut through this pant leg, I’ll apply the tourniquet.” The weak man said.

“AUGH! The tourniquet hurts worse than the goddamn bullet.” Black Widow yelped, the Widow sounding like her teeth were gritted. 

One thing he was allowed to remember was medical knowledge. His superiors wanted him to be able to get up and keep going when he would be injured in battles. He had a memory tied to this knowledge but it was blurry, something about the pain a tourniquet brought, a suggestion, a slap, all too vague to be cohesive. 

“I know, I know it hurts baby.” Captain America said, it was like he was talking to a child, trying to comfort but clearly not working as well as he’d like. Exactly why did the Captain think that would work?

It was rather confusing though. Captain America was known to like women of course. That came with touring with nothing but women back when he started the war bond performances. It wasn’t like he was ever a ladies man, he’s never had an assignment where seducing someone was a requirement…unless you counted when he followed his orders. But the Captain's thing with Natalia was odd. Most things online or in files he saw were mostly linked to her only liking women. Of course there were those weird…edit things, he knew those certainly got in the way when he was doing his research, but it was clear people only thought about them as friends. But this? Well this was a brand new perspective.

“I’m going to sew up the bullet holes in her leg. You put gauze and tape on her arm and ear.” The weak man half ordered without any real threat.

“Okay.” Captain America stated.

“Ste-Steve, where are you? Steve? There you are, hi .” Black Widow said with her last word going soft. She was going delirious from blood loss, clearly.

“Hey, hey Nat, look at me, look at me sweetheart, it's Steve, it’s your- your boyfriend.” Captain America said. 

Good, confirmation. He was glad to have new information to bring to his superiors. He wasn’t sure how a detail like this would help the world but any detail left out would be a failure to report and a disadvantage to the mission as a whole.

“One of them is shut, I need you to hold her leg up while I sew the back of her thigh.” The weak man said. Mumbling something along the lines of “I’m sorry Nat.”

“Okay, hun, I'm going to let go of your hand ok?” Captain America comforted.

“No, Stevie , where are you please, where did you go. No, no, please come back.” Black Widow said. 

Stevie. Where has he heard that before? He almost said the word himself but something deep in his mind stopped him from letting those words leave his mouth. That word gained him another blurry thought trying to be a memory. 

Come on, you know him!

“Small” was the only word that came to his mind. These blurry thoughts were starting to happen more frequently, he was wondering if he should go back to get fixed but decided not to bother the people back at the base who had more important things to do than manage him.

“Good, it’s closed, we’ll apply proper bandaging, take off the tourniquet and we may need to ask the hospital for blood.” The weak man pondered. Like he didn’t mean to speak but his nerves forced it out of him. “Jarvis, pull up Nat’s file and tell me the blood type.”

“Hospital, why would we need to contact a hospital? Am I dying?” Black Widow said it was odd though. Her voice didn’t shake at the end, but instead there was an odd half laugh.

“Type O-, Dr.Banner.” That robotic voice spoke, he didn’t have all that much information on Anthony Stark’s AI.

A laugh that didn’t hold any humor came from who he now realized was Dr. Banner, the man that could turn into the Hulk. “God, Nat why’d you have to be so special.” He heard the Doctor mumble. But he seemed to put a professional front back on. “Hey, you’re alright. You’ve lost a bit of blood from your arm and a lot of blood from your leg. Steve brought you in quickly so you aren’t going to bleed out. You aren’t bleeding anymore but you’ve lost a lot of blood. You won’t have to go to the hospital but we may need to ask them for blood so that you don’t get sick, okay. Do you understand?” The weak man explained quickly.

“St- STEVE ! Steve where’s Steve—is he okay?” The Black Widow was clearly delirious.

“I'm right here–wait” Captain America spoke so gently before a firm and yet frantic voice came from the door.

“ Nat! ” A panicked voice came from somewhere. A lot louder than most things in the room.

There was a yelp that came from in the room, probably from the weaker man being startled by the half scream.

“Natasha, are you okay?” The voice came a little bit softer now before suddenly he heard more shuffling. “Get the hell out of my way, Rodgers.” He spat out. Clearly someone close to the Widow, the archer maybe? While the media didn’t show him a lot, of course Hydra still knew about him. “You were supposed to keep an eye on her-”

“Clint-” The Captain started before being cut off. That did give him confirmation though, Clint Barton; Hawkeye.

“No. You shut the hell up.” He continued, judging by the shuffling there might have been a little bit of a shove. “Do you have any idea how terrifying it is to wake up with flashing lights, put on my hearing aid, and then have Jarvis tell me that we’re on lockdown because Nat got shot?” There was another scuffle.

“Clint I’m fine- It just hurts. I’ve been shot before.” Black Widow stated, but considering how her voice sounded louder despite her voice getting weaker, Captain America and the archer were a little farther.

A scoff came. “You shouldn’t have been—” A firm statement that probably would have continued had another one not come back into the room.

“Rodgers. I need to talk with you. Security issue.” Anthony Stark said swiftly.

Finally Captain America seemed to reach his breaking point. “Just wait!” He didn’t yell but it was definitely harsh. “My girlfriend was just shot. I wanna make sure she’s comfortable before I go chasing after some assassin .”

The room was quiet for a moment before a little more shuffling. “Hey pretty girl, I’m gonna go talk with Tony and I’ll bring some tea or something okay? I’ll bring you some comfy clothes too. You’re probably staying in here tonight.” He compromised before laughing. “Besides, pretty sure Clint is gonna kill me if he doesn’t get to sit down next to you-”

“Damn right.” There was a little more scuffling before suddenly the room went silent. 

Well shit. He heard what sounded like fingers touching the bug, drowning out everything else in the room. Making a horrible rubbing sound that tempted him to take out his ear piece. And if the person touching the bug was the same person talking about an ear piece a horrible screeching noise was upon both him and the Archer. Whatever the case, the bug was found.

“Is that a bug?” The Archer said. He heard the sound of the bug hitting the ground, and a brief cracking noise before suddenly the line went dead. 

Then static, Captain America had somehow failed to notice the bug that was placed on the Widow’s jacket even with them getting up close and personal. Another thought, not blurry this time. This time it was a weird feeling. Not that he usually paid any mind to his feelings but this one was…new, almost like envy but…positive and not quite pinpointed on either one of them. Not like anything useful had been transmitted other than the fact the Widow would make a full recovery more than likely. He stood up, took the ear piece out, and reloaded the magazine that he wasted on this failed hit.

The place he was held up in for this assignment was…shitty

It was an abandoned ‘warehouse’ with no visible entrance other than the rotted ceiling that was only a viable entrance if you could scale a wall like a professional. The walls were gray, chipping, and stained. No bed, he wasn’t supposed to spend time sleeping when he had an objective. Nothing glamorous, that wasn’t needed. Him being out of cryo was a privilege. That meant this place, no matter how dirty and decrepit, was a privilege. 

He knew he would have more time out of cryo because of his failure. This brought out a positive feeling. Is that why he was unable to kill them? This positive feeling about being out of cryo led to him subconsciously and purposefully taking more time to complete this assignment. This had to be rectified. He had to be punished.

┣━━━━━━━━━━┫

He had his punishment ready for when his superiors were not around to do it to him. A metal bowl filled with water and ice cubes with a car battery hooked up to it. He was to dunk his head in the water and hold it under until he was on the verge of passing out. Shocking his nervous system with the cold and the electricity. He is to do this until thoughts of disobedience are no longer in his head. Until he was an obedient weapon again. 

First dunk: 5 minutes 29 seconds. Still thinking about the freedom this place gives him. Second dunk: 4 minutes 42 seconds. Third dunk 6 minutes 3 seconds. Dunk after dunk he was still thinking about how this place gives him freedom. It was hours of literal rinse and repeat. Until he held himself under for eight minutes.

He had no thoughts about freedom or anything but his targets. They needed to die so that he no longer had temptations of freedom and kindness pulling him away from Hydra. He was thinking about how his targets cared for each other. How he could use that against them. How they would fight together against him. How his targets would be easy because they had emotions. How he wished for the emotions that they had so that he could hunt them down better. 

No, no this envy was part of these sirens’ temptations. Pulling him into this fantasy where he could be part of what they have. He can’t let his loyalties slip. Not when Hydra is so close to giving freedom to the world. But if they’re giving freedom why was he punishing himself for enjoying freedom they assigned him. Why wasn’t he supposed to question them? What was wrong with his mind?

He needed to focus. He needed to take out Captain America and Black Widow. The Avengers were this symbol that could make people complicit with the horrors that Hydra promised to fix. They were starting to make him complicit with it all, he was getting worse at his purpose because of them. They needed to be taken out. He needed to be the one to take them out, and he wouldn’t let them die by any other hand.

“You are nothing but what Hydra made you. You are The Winter Soldier and you will kill Black Widow and Captain America, no matter who tries to stop you.” He told himself while looking at his reflection in the ice bowl. He was The Winter Soldier and Hydra’s top agent. He knew he would not fail again.

Chapter Text

It all felt like a blur, walking out of Bruce’s lab that had become the team’s med-bay long ago, Steve could feel every shaking breath that he let out. Of course all of this stuff came with danger but after the Battle of New York Tony made the Avenger’s Tower safe. Not to mention he didn’t spare any expense doing so.

But that didn’t stop Nat and him from being shot at. The second glass broke and she had yanked him to the floor half on top of him. It was awful. Nat had been hurt on missions but that didn’t make it easy. He didn’t want it to be easy , he wanted to be there for her to support her. 

God he felt gross . He couldn’t help but look down at his hands, they had red all over, Nat’s blood . It made him feel sick. And think a lot about things he tried to bury from back in the 40s. Having to try and keep another soldier from bleeding out wasn’t exactly his best memory.

“...hey Rodgers.” 

The voice snapped Steve out of whatever was happening and he looked up from his hands, to Tony who stood across from him with arms crossed, drink long abandoned from when him and Nat had first gotten home. Not to mention any teasing and joking that Tony almost always carried.

“Yeah. Yeah I’m fine.” Steve went to run a hand through his hair but he stopped quickly cringing a little at the thought of almost getting blood into his hair. “What were you saying?” He asked carefully, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible.

Tony and him never had an exactly wholesome friendship. They fought and argued all the time. But they were still there for each other no matter what. So when Tony’s face softened just a little, Steve did find comfort in it. Especially in a face that reminded him so much of Howard’s.

“That glass is reinforced, the buildings around here are secured. I called Maria Hill and she sent some agents to triple check.” Tony repeated as he grabbed ahold of Steve’s shoulder, pulling him along with him.

“Whoever shot Nat is long gone. Probably left the second they finished shooting and saw they hit Nat.” Steve stated while he let Tony tug him along. “Might have fired more until the shields went up.” 

Tony led him into the kitchen carefully. “That’s not gonna stop me from figuring out who shot at everyone's favorite Widow.” Tony said it lightly, but Steve could see all the gears turning in his head. Next thing he knew, Tony was handing him a soap bar.

Steve looked around and realized he was in front of the kitchen sink. “Oh-” He started looking at the soap and then gave a little nod to Tony in thanks. Turning to the kitchen sink he turned to the warm water and started rubbing at his hands with the soap. It was weird to watch the tinted water go off his hands and down the drain. Nat was going to be okay, he knew that. Nat was one of the strongest women- well actually, she was one of the strongest people he knew. Not to mention there was no one he trusted more than Banner to take care of Nat.

They were quiet, Tony didn’t break the silence while Steve washed his hands. Yet another thing that reminded him so much of Howard.

Tony tossed him a towel though, after Steve turned off the sink.

Taking a deep breath, Steve felt more himself. “Whoever shot Nat was trying to kill me too. Someone has to be sending some kind of assassin.”

“About that…When I was talking to Maria she told me something. You may want to sit back down for this.” Tony said, being careful, as if he were gauging Steve’s reaction.

“What else happened?” Steve asked as he leaned against the counter, not fully sitting down.

“There was a man, metal arm, dark medium length hair, speaking Russian. People around Shield say he’s supposed to be called The Winter Soldier. It sounds like a bunch of bull to me, but if he is real, he supposedly works for Hydra.” Tony clarified leaning on the end of the counter.

“Okay, what does this have to do with the assassin that um…that…tha.” Steve trailed off, staring at nothing in particular. 

“Well earlier today Fury was shot.” Tony said, cautious, like he wanted to add more but something was keeping him subtle. “He’s in surgery now. Maria Hill found him in his office.”

Steve didn’t say anything. He wasn’t sure what he could say, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew that Tony was trying to imply that this man he was talking about, The Winter Soldier, was the same man who had hurt Natasha. He wanted to get upset over Fury but a part of him knew that now wasn’t exactly the best time to be getting even more stressed.

“We aren’t sure if they’re trying to take the whole team out or if they have people they’re targeting to send a message, if some of us have information they don’t want out, or maybe just for shits and giggles…I don’t know.” Tony admitted "We're in code grey until we can find out what’s going on with this ‘Winter Soldier’ guy.” Tony finished after a little time. 

Steve nodded. Code grey meant all of the Avengers weren't allowed out of the tower unless they were on missions. Not that anyone but Thor chose to live outside of the Tower, but this meant that they couldn’t leave at all. They were also on limited contact for anyone who wasn’t SHIELD or a fellow Avenger. Usually Fury would be the one who would call the shots on what was deemed safe contact with the outside but Steve wasn’t sure if Fury was even alive. He wanted to ask but talking felt difficult. When he went to make a sound it was like a muscle he didn’t know how to use.

“I’m going to, I don’t even know what I’m going to do. I’m gonna go lay down with Pepper before I can’t. Hey…get some sleep. You’ll need it.” Tony said while he pointed at Steve, before walking out of the kitchen.

Steve could feel himself sigh as he ran his hands through his hair, ruffling it a little at the back. It was something he tended to do when nervous. Mostly because it reminded him of easier times. When he used to be more worried about him and Buck making rent. Not things like worrying about his girlfriend being shot.

There were many things that he would rather do than pull out his phone though, scroll down in his contacts. Right under Sam’s was another name that he had to will himself to click on. It was one phone call for a friend. It shouldn’t be awkward.

But all of that was thrown out the window when he clicked on Sharon Carter’s name and put the phone up to his ear waiting while he tapped his foot against the tiles. 

She picked up after the first two rings with a groggy “Hello?”

Him and Sharon Carter were complicated. Before he moved into the tower, he lived in a little apartment. She was a neighbor who he was under the impression was a nurse who worked for the local hospital . A girl he definitely hit on, in a 40’s style fashion. Then he went to Peggy’s and ran into her there. Found out her last name was Carter, and things spiraled from there. She apparently worked for S.H.I.E.L.D, not a hospital and was in fact Peggy’s niece . Needless to say that’s when whatever was between them stopped. Then he moved into the Avengers tower. Called whatever they had off.

Tony called it an ‘ex-situationship’, he still didn’t understand even that though

“Hey Agent Carter. Sorry to call so late, hope I didn’t wake you.” He started with simply. He didn’t want to sound upset, or angry, or awkward.

“Uh… You did.” There was a shuffle of sheets as he guessed she sat up. “What do you need?”

“Something happened. No one died, but Nat and I were shot at. I’m worried that they might go after other people. They already shot at Fury...” Steve’s voice trailed off at the end while he took a deep breath. “I need you to go and stay with Peggy. I’ll contact some other agents I trust.” He tried to slip more into that Captain America façade, to try and block anything else out.

“Oh-oh my god .” the agent half choked out before he heard her start to probably scramble out of bed. “Yeah. Yeah I’ll go over right now.”

“Don’t go through any places with good vantage points from up high. I think it’s a sniper.” Steve said as he leaned against the countertop just a little more.

“You got it, Captain.”

“Great. I’ll call you when it’s safe again. Tell Peggy I’ll visit as soon as I can.”

It was quiet before he heard a response. “You got it.”

Just like that the phone clicked off.

After he insured Peggy’s safety he hopped into something that was second nature. Working on making tea, something that had stayed relatively the same over the years he had been in the ice. Well, minus the fact that now there were electric kettles that didn’t screech at you. That was pretty cool. Of course he found technology cool but Steve always found wonder in the mundane. Things that made life simpler for other people. Like medicine. Apparently inhalers were made in the 50s. Something he knew him, before the serum would have probably fought a man for just a puff.

He used one of the teas that Thor left on his last visit. Something calming that Steve genuinely had no idea what was in it, but Nat seemed to like it. She always seemed interested when Thor was talking about his home realm. It was one of the few times Steve got to see her sense of wonder come back when listening to the stories of magic and battle.

When the tea was brewed Steve poured it in a canister. He thought it best to put it in something with a lid because of how shaky his hands were, and if Nat were to drop it while drinking she wouldn’t give herself second degree burns. The thought of it made Steve’s entire body cringe.

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“Hey, Clint. How’s she holding up?” Steve quietly asked, tea canister in hand. More time had passed than Steve realized because when he walked in Clint’s eye bags were heavy and Natahsa was asleep. Clint hadn’t left her side since he had found out. Clint and Nat were close friends, so it made sense. Steve knew that if this same thing had happened to Clint it would take the rest of the team to rip Natasha from his side, which was made clear during when Loki took control of Clint. Not once did she give up on getting him back.

“She’s stable, the blood transfusion went off without a problem, she’s having no trouble breathing, her heart rates finally back down to normal. She’s okay, and has a guaranteed recovery.” Clint explained as he rubbed a little at his own eyes.

“Good. Thank you for watching over her.” Steve said, placing the canister of tea on the bedside table.

“...I should’ve been there.” Clint finally interjected. “For what it’s worth I’m sorry for lashing out at you. She’s my best friend and I just- I worry-”

“Hey, hey Clint, it’s not your fault. If you were there she would’ve gotten you out of the way too. It’s just the kind of person she is.” Steve interrupted before placing a hand on Clint’s shoulder. “You getting all mad at me was honestly reasonable. I should have told Jarvis to tell you exactly what happened.”

“Do we have any idea who did it yet—” Clint started before he was cut off by Nat waking up.

“Mmmnn...” A drowsy Natasha groaned.

“Hey, pretty girl, I’m sorry if we woke you up.” Steve said softly, trying to be that form of comfort. He trusted Dr. Banner’s handy work and Clint’s report of her current state but he would be damned to hell for lying if he said he wasn’t relieved to see her awake.

“I was already coming to.” Nat half groaned out, her voice weak and shaky. “Did you bring me tea?” She asked sniffing the air as she probably noticed.

“Yeah. It’s the fancy stuff Thor brought over.” Steve reassured, pulling up a chair next to Clint’s.

“It is? Aww, thank you.” Nat half babbled, clearly high on pain medicine. 

“How’re you feeling?” Clint asked.

“Kinda feel like I have a bullet wound in my leg.” Nat said, sitting up and reaching for the canister of tea with grabbing hands.

“Walked into that one.” Clint responded with a slight chuckle. After all the dread and commotion and fear it was good to hear somebody laugh again.

A silence fell over the room as the two men were watching Nat. It was as if she were fragile, like already shattered glass that a slight breeze would disassemble and spread the millions of pieces across the ground.

“You two can go back to what you were talking about before, you don’t have to stare at me to make sure I don’t choke on this.” Nat said, probably freaked out by the attention while she sipped on her fancy tea.

“Sorry for staring.” Steve said, embarrassed.

“Oh well I'll never mind if you stare.” Nat said, flustering Steve.

“ Eww, you two need to get a room. I’m going back to bed.” Clint half jabbered, before standing up and leaning his face closer to Nat’s. “Glad you’re okay, get better soon.”

“Aye aye, captain, uh, no offence Cap.” Nat said. With this Clint walked out of the room. Steve knew him well enough to know Clint wasn’t going back to sleep anytime soon, but didn’t know him well enough to know quite what he was going to do.

“None taken…I feel like I don’t know how to do anything but ask how you’re feeling. Times like this always bring a silence. That horrible silence.” Steve rambled, reaching for Nat’s hand. When he went to hold it though she didn’t hold his so he retracted his hand.

“You could answer the question.” Nat offered. Steve had no idea what she was talking about and was about to ask but Nat must’ve seen the confusion on his face. “When you and Clint were talking earlier he asked if you knew who attacked us. Do you?”

He was kind of shocked how whatever pain meds she had were wearing off so quickly… What in the fresh sam hell was in that tea? “Yes, kind of. Nobody I’ve heard of before but we think we have a name.” Steve considered, half wanting to maybe not tell her who, especially considering her condition.

“You think?” Nat asked.

“Fury was attacked, shot like…” Steve started cutting himself off as he shook his head, “Tony told me. I’m not sure if Fury survived. All that to say, the people at SHIELD think our assassin is the same as his.”

Her eyes widened as she looked at Steve. Of course she would know Fury better than him, she’d been working for him a lot longer after all. But she straightened up a little and seemed to push it down. Putting up a front much like he did on missions. A front he was sure to take down when he came home to Nat and the rest of his friends. A front he was still figuring out how to let her know it was safe, that she didn’t have to keep it up around him. “Okay…Are you gonna give me the name of that assassin or do I have to start guessing?” Nat pondered as she took a deep breath.

“Oh, um, It was something like The Winter Fighter.” Steve said before pausing and shaking his head. ”Wait no. It was the Winter Soldier.” 

Nat got quiet, the expression on her face changed into something…unnerving. It looked like the pain medicine had worn off in the second she heard that and she had instantly sobered up. 

“Nat, are you alright? You look like you know him.” Steve said.

“No…not him.” She had definitely looked like she had woken up but now she looked tired, so tired. She ran a hand through her own short hair. The straightened bits had regained a wave after everything that happened. 

Steve felt himself straighten up a little bit. “Wait so you know him?” Natasha knew a lot of people but her knowing whoever the hell the Winter Soldier was felt like a long shot.

Nat finally looked back at him, she gave a nod. “Yeah. I knew him...knew of him.”

The air between them was stiff and Steve didn’t know what to say as he sat there waiting for her to continue. But when she was quiet he took a deep breath before standing up and putting his hand through her hair, running his fingers through it. “Nat, whatever you know would be helpful.”

She just looked up at him for a moment before closing her eyes and leaning into his hand a little bit. She let out a shaky sigh before she pulled away from him. “If he’s shot at Fury he’s dead. There’s no way he would have survived.” She still looked dazed in a way. Like a kind of loss of hope.

“What makes you say that?” Steve asked as he carefully sat down back in the chair next to the bed and then put a hand over wrist feeling at her pulse just a little to calm himself a little bit. Also since she hadn't accepted his hand-hold, this would be the next best thing. After a moment though he moved his hand to grasp at her’s. 

“Most people don’t believe he exists. The rare ones that do call him the Winter Soldier.” Nat explained carefully as she let him hold her hand, but she didn’t squeeze back. “He’s credited with over two dozen assassinations in the last fifty years.” She set down the tea on the side table, now forgotten.

Steve shook his head, it had to be impossible, I mean if he had been killing for fifty years, assuming he started at 20’s then that would make this an seventy year old man. Unless…unless it was a child soldier like Nat. “So he’s a ghost story?” Steve finally questioned.

The chuckle that came from her didn’t hold any humor as she just nodded along. “Yeah. Might as well have been.” She shifted in the hospital bed a little. Banner had of course made an effort to make Nat as comfortable as possible, but something told Steve that physical comfort wasn’t something that was exactly at the top of Nat’s list. She opened her mouth like she would speak up again. But closed it quickly after.

“Nat, sweetheart, you know that you can talk about anything to me.” He said, holding her hand just a little bit tighter. “I’m always going to be here for you, nothing will ever change that.”

“Five years ago,” She started as soon as he was done speaking. “I had just joined with helping out Shield. One of my first missions was that I had to help a nuclear engineer out of Iran. But then someone shot the tires out. I lost control of the wheel, we went off the side of a cliff.” She paused before continuing, recounting the events like a mission file. “We both survived so I pulled us out of the wreck. I was halfway to calling Clint when the Winter Soldier showed up.” Every word that came from Nat sounded so calculated, not her normal sarcastic self. “I used my body to shield the engineer, so the Winter Soldier just shot him through me.” She pulled his hand from his grasp and pulled up her shirt just enough to show him the round scar right above her hip.

Bullet wound most definitely. He had seen a number of them of course back in the war but it never got normal, especially seeing them on someone he cared about. He’d never seen it before probably because Nat never changed in front of him, normally just using the bathroom. Well his bathroom was now littered with her things. Technically she still had her own bedroom, but she favored sleeping in his. 

“Soviet Slug,” Nat finally stated, she didn’t move her shirt back to cover it but she gave Steve a little shrug. “Bye-bye bikinis.”

Steve looked at her, then at the scar, then right back to Nat’s face with a raised eyebrow. “ Yeah, I bet you look terrible in them now.”

“Trust me, I do.” Was all Nat said as she just looked at her lap as she sat there leaned against her pillows.

“Highly doubting that right now.” Steve couldn’t help as it fell from his lips as he looked at her. “I think after all this is over and we don’t have to deal with being shot at , me and you go to Coney Island and the beach.”

Nat looked at him and raised an eyebrow as she glanced over his face. “Are you being serious right now?” She eventually asked. 

“Of course I am. It would be nice to show you Brooklyn.” He placed his hand over her hip and the scar carefully rubbing his thumb over it. “But you could always wear a one piece if you want.” He offered before leaning up and kissing above her ear on her soft hair. “Hell, we don’t even have to swim if you don’t want to.”

Steve looked into Nat’s eyes, those beautiful eyes, only to see that she was crying. Did he say something wrong? Did she think he was making fun of her? He pulled her into a hug, squeezing the life out of her, not literally he hoped.

“Hey, did I say something wrong I’m—” Steve was cut off.

“No, no, you-you’re so…earnest and so sweet, and I’m so scared, Steve. I’m scared that I’m going to lose all of this, and lose you. He already shot someone through me and he tried to do it again, but this time it wasn’t some engineer that was a job.” She paused and took a deep breath before continuing. “This time it was you. I could’ve lost you, one of the only people who trusted me after I was revealed as a double agent. The only person who would ever touch me so gently and hold me while I weep like a child.” Natahsa said, bawling into Steve’s chest as he held her close.

“Nat, Nat, Natasha! Look at me sweetheart.” Steve said, pulling her out of his chest with both of his hands on either side of her face. “It’s okay, I’m okay. You took a bullet saving my life and you’re worried about me? Natasha…I don’t know what this creep has planned but if you can’t trust yourself to keep me safe from him, trust me. I am the captain after all. You’re not gonna lose me, not to him, not to Hydra, dare I say not even God himself. Nothing will tear me from your side. I promise.”

“God, no wonder you’re the captain. Pulling these motivational speeches out of your ass.” Nat said. Almost immediately after she got the words out Nat wrapped her arms around Steve’s neck and kissed him.

“This is sweet and all but I’ll have to ask you two not to have sex in my lab.” Bruce blurted out, having snuck up on the two’s moment. Leaning against the doorframe. An oversized sweater and some pj pants that made a stark contrast to the lab coat he still had tossed on.

“WE WEREN’T GOING TO!” Steve yelped, jumping back a bit into his chair. The worst violence in the world wouldn’t take Steve from Nat’s side but a bit of embarrassment would. Nice going, Rodgers.

A little laugh came from Nat as she just nodded along. “You got it, Banner. Just go back to your room and drink your coffee. We’ll be over here not kissing, like good, moral, and chast little heroes. Like you.” Nat said, clearly making fun of Bruce.

“No need to get hostile. I’m just saying that the only climax you two should be having in here is emotional.” Bruce shrugged as he casually picked up some file from his desk. This embarrassed Steve so bad that he speechlessly slumped back in his chair.

With a happy little nod at the file and a little wave to Nat and Steve he went off, shutting the lights off behind him, leaving just the little desk lamp going. He looked back at Nat and after a very awkward pause the two started laughing and she leaned back into his shoulder.

Chapter Text

Natasha had promised herself she wouldn’t do this anymore. She fell back into her oldest habit, lying when she feared judgment. Worse, she lied to Steve. Her Steve, he didn’t deserve that. It wasn’t like she was completely lying, just leaving a few things out. He did shoot a target through her…he just so happened to have also trained her and her ‘sisters’ in the Red Room. 

She may have also left out the tiny detail that he and Natasha used to be… something . 

They never had time or interest in defining what they were to each other. Nat was just glad to have any amount of kindness, no matter how unstable.

It felt horrible, lying to Steve but what was she supposed to say? ‘Hello dearest love of my life, I know we just had an attempt on our lives but I wanted to let you know that me and the man who tried to murder us used to go steady. Love you sweetie!’ It’s better with him thinking that this is just an agent of Hydra. For all she knows he was just working for Hydra and this couldn’t have been personal. He never seemed to keep his memory long enough for this to be personal.

Nat shouldn’t be thinking about this. She shouldn’t be thinking about him…or what they had. She’s finally been healing from his attack yesterday. The wound in her leg wasn’t gone, it wouldn't be for a long time, but her arm was decent, and her ear no longer needed bandaging. It felt better than any other time she had been shot. She had a feeling it might have had something to do with that tea Thor left behind.

She knew she was spiraling, but nobody was with her, and she wasn’t going to go out of her room just to ask to be held. She wasn’t that pathetic. 

Back in the Red Room if she had even thought about it she would’ve been punished. There were no nonviolent outlets, no one to talk to, nobody who cared about her. There was Yalena, who she hadn’t talked to since they were kids. Alexi and Melina who had tried to be parents but were assassins through and through. Didn’t change the fact they gave her up to the Red Room.

It wasn’t until her soldier showed up that she felt like life was worth more than the mission. She remembered how he was the first time they met. He was cold, focused, weirdly stoic. Natasha was always the best in her field. She had hoped he would pull her aside just to get a conversation with someone on her level. When he did, she tried her best to get anything other than training conversation out of him. 

Natasha wasn’t a fool like the people who ran the red room. She knew somebody had sent him to collect information under the guise of training the Widows. So they ended up seducing each other. Telling just enough to make this whole interaction seem worth the effort but leaving enough out so that no greater picture could be crafted. She knew she was doing this but the fact that he matched her in wit, strategy, combat. It was the outlet that she had been craving. That slight affection with feelings that were left untold.

She wasn’t sure when what they had turned into something more than a bid for intel. Maybe to him it hadn’t ever evolved beyond that point but to Natasha…he was her port in the storm. Her light at the end of the tunnel. Her reason to not go berserk when the Widows around her dulled her senses to the point of wishing she were actively killing people rather than listening to one more brainwashed word coming out of their mouths.

The very few fond memories she had of the Red Room came from him, her soldier. Came from waking up only to find that he had abandoned his bed just to hold her from behind. He’d claim it was for warmth, that the room he was given was inadequate, but deep down she knew, or at least she hoped, that it was for comfort. That she was the same thing to him as he was to her. 

He had to have been being genuine, for at least a short amount of time. Eventually he had dropped the defense of wanting warmth and started climbing into her bed and falling asleep with her. At first they were both just using each other, even when they were doing things like cuddling, kissing, and everything else they did together.

Natasha never got a good read on why he did it in the beginning beyond wanting information. For her, beyond her espionage, it was to keep from going insane and becoming like the other Widows. The Red Room didn’t just brainwash with the way they groomed young children. They kept them brainwashed into adulthood by not letting them interact with anything more stimulating than TV static and violent propaganda, so that even if they hated what they did it was better than being back in the room with the sheer boredom. 

Her soldier kept her from being one of those brainwashed slaves who only could ever manage to talk about the mission. No matter what he was talking about she was enthralled because he was her only vantage point to how the world outside of the room was. 

When Natasha started to fall in love with him her intrigue turned from interest in the outside world to interest in him . She knew he was just as if not more brainwashed than her but he had these moments. Moments where somebody other than The Winter Soldier would speak. Natasha reveled in those moments. She never coaxed his name out of him but she knew that if they were together long enough his true self would come out.

She dreamed about this fantasized a future where her soldier would break them both out of their prisons, he would save her like knights in old books she used to read her little sister, and they would run away from it all together and start a family. They would have an adorable son that they would love and cherish with all the heart they had. They’d get to wake up and make breakfast, not choke down the manufactured sludge that they were served. They would live with only each other and however many kids they would have, not in heard of mind controlled pawns. When they would kiss it would be only each other and it would be because they wanted to. Not as a ploy, or a scheme, or for anybody other than them.

She’d share these dreams and her soldier would share his. That’s when she knew he was being genuine, he had to have been, or else he wouldn’t have been taken from her. It was when Hydra caught her soldier starting to be himself again that they had been separated. She didn’t quite remember how but the next time she saw him…he didn’t remember her. She had tried to appeal to whatever they used to have, but he didn’t remember her. He didn’t even care to kill her, only wounding her because she was in the way of his target.

Something happened to her too, she didn’t remember a lot of it. Electroshock or something along the lines of forcing her to take all kinds of drugs and chemicals. Left a lot of things from that time to only come in flashes or blurs. Her soldier’s face was blurry now anytime she thought about him.

Whatever they had was long gone and she had to accept that, but there was some part of Natasha that wanted to believe she could bring the real him out again. She wouldn’t know how to do this now that she had Steve. Nat knew that she would never leave Steve for anything in the world. She knew that if it came down to it she would lose her Soldier a million more times then lose Steve once.

When Clint walked in the room it was one of the rare times she had been startled before.

“Hey just to let you know, Steve went to talk to Alexander Pierce about Fury. They’re trying to get to the bottom of everything.” Clint walked in with some eggs and a piece of toast. An apple in his other hand. “He wanted to let you sleep in-” He paused looking at Nat with his eyes scanning over her. “You okay? Look like you saw a ghost.” Clint stated carefully as he walked over and sat in the same seat that Steve had stayed in almost all night.

Shaking her head, Nat gave him a small smile. “I’m fine.” She said sitting up a little bit against the pillows, wincing a little when she moved her leg in the process. “Steve could have told me. I would have gone with him.” She offered while she reached out to take the plate from Clint. “Whatever happened to Fury, I want to help.”

“Well you’d be in crutches and your leg would be killing you the entire time.” Clint said as he passed over the plate before biting into his own apple. “You can do some desk work till your leg is better.”

“My leg will be fine in a day. I’ll live.” She couldn’t help rolling her eyes as she poked at her eggs- cheesy eggs- she noted. The kind Clint would often make for his kids on mornings he was home. “I would have been fine to go with.” She stated before scooping some of the eggs onto the toast.

Clint shook his head not arguing as he continued to eat his apple. “After breakfast I’ll help you to your room. Bruce says you’re okay to leave the med-bay as long as you use crutches.” He said smiling at her like his normal half curved up smile. “So, what’s eating up at you?” He eventually asked.

“Come on Clint, I don’t wanna dump all this on you.” Nat said, shaking her head as she took a bit of her toast. God she forgot that Clint was a good cook, bread and cheesy eggs was one of the most simple things in the world and yet he made it taste like a delicacy. 

“You know you never dump anything on me. Other than the team gossip.” He paused and glanced around to make sure no one else was in there before stealing a bit of egg off her plate. “So I was in the vents last night after I left here, and guess who I heard Tony fight with.” 

Finally, something Nat could use to change the conversation to something else.

“Oh I don’t know, Bruce?” She asked. “Well actually I hope it’s not them. We all know they’re what keeps us funded and from bleeding out.” She reconsidered.

He did yet another glance around before speaking. “He and Pepper were having a screaming match. Well- raised voice on his end. Pepper was definitely screaming.” He stated before taking yet another bite of his apple.

That definitely woke up Nat more. “Oh my god, really ?” She questioned. “About what?”

Clint gave her a raised eyebrow. “What do you think? His ego .” He spoke before setting the core of his apple to the side. “He keeps thinking that he’s not getting to be hurt because he has the ironman suit.”

“He doesn’t wear it all the time.” After that was bluntly stated by Nat, Clint pointed his finger at her. 

“That’s exactly what Pepper said.” He said with a laugh. “Then he tried to tell her to go stay at some resort out of the country.” He shook his head. “She didn’t like that.”

Nat could feel herself wince. “Like did he suggest it kindly, or was it more of a ‘you’re going because I say so’?” 

“It’s Tony.”

Yet another wince fell from her along with second hand embarrassment. “Yep okay it was the second.” She said, reaching her hand up to run through her hair a little bit. “God, Tony needs to learn when to chill out just a little.”

Clint pursed his lips. “Yeah but then again who are we to judge? I see my wife one week out of a month…” He paused glancing at Nat before continuing. “And you clearly have something that you aren’t telling your boyfriend.”

She felt her mood dampen a little bit as she sighed. What a way to draw it all back to her issues. “Okay fine.” Even though she said that she could feel herself stiffen. She could trust Clint, she knew that. He was the first to help her. And he saved her even after she’d tried to kill him. She didn’t remember a lot, just that she had apparently sustained some kind of head injury and that led to Clint deciding to take her with him, even though he was being shot at, in that moment. “It’s uh…it’s hard to say- I’m sorry.” She apologized as she ran a hand through her hair yet again. 

“Don’t apologize. Just talk to me.” He leaned back in his seat with a smile. “You know anything you tell me stays here between me and you.” He paused before continuing. “And Laura. You know she loves you.” He said softly with a little sigh.

It did make Nat smile even just a little bit before frowning when she looked at her lap. “Back in the Red Room, I used to know someone.” Each word was calculated, even though she knew that with Clint it never had to be. “There was a….” Soldier? No god that would sound weird when she said it out loud. “Hydra agent-” Oh yeah great let’s talk about a Hydra Agent- Oh yeah the group that used to help Nazis. Great start Nat! She really wanted the earth to swallow her up. “Me and him were…” She choked up a little. She wasn’t crying but it felt like the words were bubbled up in the back of her throat as she sat there. “We were involved . And now I’m worried that my past is coming back- it’s catching up with me.” Still not crying but she felt so close to it and the shake in her voice was clear. God she really didn’t want to cry in front of Clint.

His voice was soft as he leaned forward a little, leaning his elbows against his knees while he looked at her. “Nat, you can take your time.” He whispered out with a smile. He didn’t talk to her like a child, but like she was fragile. Nat didn’t know why that mattered to her so much, but it really did.

When she spoke again her voice was quiet and almost a whisper. “I don’t want my past to catch up to Steve.” She just barely whispered out. “It can chase me all it wants, but I don’t want it after Steve.”

Once Clint spoke it was after a sigh and looking at the floor. When he looked back up he looked like he was staring at a kicked puppy. “Oh Nat…” He started before leaning forward carefully holding a hand over her shoulder hovering a little bit. “This okay?” He asked.

She looked at his scarred and calloused archer's hand before nodding a little.

He put his hand on her shoulder and rubbed careful little circles. He let them just sit there as she calmed down a little before he spoke up again. “Did I ever tell you about what Laura said to me when I brought you to the farm?” He asked with a little smile that she only saw when she looked back up at him.

All she did was shake her head a little. She remembered her end of all of it but not Clint and Laura’s side of it.

Clint kept his hand where it was while he spoke. “It was the day after you came home with me to the farm.” He started. “You were playing with Cooper, you didn’t exactly understand the importance of playing with toy cars but you tried .” He said with a tiny laugh. “I was on the porch holding Lila, she was still only a year old and needed a nap. That’s when Laura walked up to me. She had been nervous about bringing a stranger in but the second she saw you I watched her not worry for our safety, but yours.” He took his hand off her shoulder and started to mess with his own hands. “The entire time you were there I tried to make you understand that you were safe but you didn’t seem to get it. ‘Confused the hell out of me.” Another humorless chuckle came from his lips. “But then Laura told me something. And obviously my wife is never wrong,” With the look he gave Nat it did make her laugh. 

Even if only by a little bit. 

“She told me; Clint, this is someone’s baby who never got to be a baby.” He stated it and let out a little sigh. “Someone’s baby who never had someone to kiss her bruises, or brush her hair, nobody to by her a prom dress and tell her just how pretty she is.”

Oh. Oh, Clint…

Clint took a moment, not looking at Nat. “Only reason I remember is because it made me understand you so much more.” His voice cracked a little and he ran his fingers over his eyes. “You weren’t used to feeling safe or having other people take care of you. I wanted you to feel safe, to be safe.” He ran a hand through his hair a little as she watched him still not making eye contact with her. “God knows I just wanted you to stay on the farm with my family. Keep you away from all this. But you told me you wanted to be out there with Shield.”

“Of course I did. I wanted to help.” She hadn't even realized she had started crying until she felt the hot tears and that little burning feeling.

He just shook his head. “Never would that stop me or Laura from wanting you to have that feeling. That you are safe, that you are loved.”

She remembered the first night of course. The pain in her head had been dulled out by some strong pain medication and she wore one of Clint’s sweaters that he had stuffed in his duffle bag. Her old shirt had been too covered in blood. She remembered her hair was still in a mated up braid. The first day in that house was a blur. They gave her a bedroom that she didn’t know what to do with. She sat on the floor the entire time they left her there. Then dinner came. The kids were sweet but she didn’t know how to act. Not to mention she didn’t know how to eat the food in front of her. It was so nice, there was effort. The last time she had a meal that nice was when the Red Room sent her to seduce some politician before killing him.

Nat had honestly waited for something to happen. For his wife to scream at her, to have him hit her, watch they’re daughter somehow get taken to the Red Room. But nothing like that happened at all. 

After dinner Laura, his wife had taken her upstairs and drawn her a bath. Apparently people were worried about her trying to kill herself so Laura stayed in the bathroom with her, sitting outside the tub. She asked Nat if she could help with her hair. Nat didn’t say no, she was used to people always just ordering her around, it felt nice to be asked something. Even though she only said yes because she felt like she had to. But then Laura took out her braid, and she helped untangle and wash her hair. She never knew that there was more than 2-in-1 hair soap, or that it could smell like fresh flowers. When Laura finished she felt so clean . Laura brushed her hair out and left it down. Putting what she called a hair mask in it. She gave Nat pjs that had flowers all over. 

The next day she did the same thing, and gave her a clean shirt and jeans. Laura let her keep the pretty pastel blue shirt, it was still in her closet to this day.

She had wanted Clint to be horrible . She wanted him to be some kind of awful monster that would hurt her. But he wasn’t. That’s what had scared her, he never crossed a boundary, he never hurt her, he had never raised his voice or hit her. It felt vulnerable. That’s what scared her about Clint. It was the same thing that scared her about Steve.

When she heard Clint sniffle she snapped out of her thoughts. 

“As much shit as I give Steve, he does care. He doesn’t know all of it. And you don’t have to tell him if you don’t want to.” Clint was gentle, so gentle to her. “But he does want to help. And as much shit was we give his 40’s ass, there’s no way in hell that he’s gonna care if you maybe shared some secrets, or hurt someone when you weren’t in control of your actions, and sure as hell he’s not gonna care if you maybe slept with some guy long before you even knew Steve existed.” He finally looked at her.

He wasn’t crying but his eyes were glossy and he was biting his inner cheek as he gave her a weak smile. 

“Clint don’t cry- I’m already crying-” Nat just barely got out before he trampled over her words.

“You crying made me cry. Your fault.” He pointed at her with one hand while using the other to wipe at his eyes.

“Well what else was I supposed to do-” Nat said wiping at her eyes with a sniffle to try and make herself calm down just a little bit.

He just flipped her off as he stood up. “Uh, not make me cry ?” He made sure his eyes were clear before he continued. “I’ll drop you off in your room so you can freshen up, then when you’re done we can go watch a show or something.”

“Yeah, yeah, hand me the damn crutches.”

┣━━━━━━━━━━┫

Clint had made sure she got back to her bedroom safe and left her there for a while so that she could freshen up. She was thankful for that to be completely honest. She needed a moment to breathe without her boyfriend, friend-boy, or Bruce absentmindedly typing away, working on…something, Nat had no clue what.

But then more time had passed…and more time…and more time… eventually Nat felt stupid waiting for Clint to come back in when he was probably waiting for her to give the ‘okay’. He’d given her more than enough time to straighten her hair and take a shower.

Nat was walking out, annoyed at using the crutches but she couldn’t walk letting out a little winces. She looked for Clint for a good ten minutes, which would've been five if Nat didn’t need the crutches but that's besides the point, until she found him slumped against the destroyed common room wall with wide eyes as he stared at his phone.

“Hey, I was waiting for you to come back. I didn’t think about whether or not you’d want to give me space. I’m all fresh now so we can watch something.” Nat said, worried and confused. Clint looked like something else had happened but if it did she would’ve heard it.

“Nat…He’s gone.” Clint said.

“Who’s gone?” Natasha asked.

“Steve…” Nat’s heart dropped, what was he doing? Was he going out to get revenge? Was he leaving now that Natasha couldn’t be useful to him? 

The answer was worse than whatever Natasha could imagine. “He…He’s a fugitive. Shield wants him in custody…”

“Why?” Nat questioned loudly as she tried to snatch Clint’s phone from him only to have him keep it away from her. “Clint you can’t just keep me in the dark-”

“Natasha…Steve might know something about Fury’s death.”

Nat didn't stop herself as she pushed past Clint. Her mind was racing. This was confirmation, Fury was dead and Steve did know something, more than he let on. “Get the hell out of my way.” She never would speak so rudely to Clint but she couldn’t take the feeling of his hands on her shoulders. She got into the meeting room just barely seeing that Tony and Bruce were in there scrambling around trying to figure things out. She caught a few words. 

Assassination, Hydra, Fugitive-

She had to hold onto a chair and wince as pain flooded back into her leg. God she had been shot before but at this point her leg was just getting really annoying, she hated being the weakest in the room.

Natasha knew that all eyes of the group went to look over at her, and she had to ignore Bruce’s voice as he spoke. “Nat- oh my god you need to sit down.” She felt Banner’s hands go to grab her forearms to help keep her up. But she shoved him away too. Mumbling something along the lines of “get the hell off of me.” 

Bruce didn’t try to grab her again after that. 

Tony’s voice came next. “Nat, please you shouldn’t look at this right now.” His hands went to his tablet to turn off what was on the projector, but she still caught it of course. 

Steven Grant Rodgers; Captain America, wanted in the assisted assassination of S.H.I.E.L.D Director Fury. 

She looked at the screen and shoved off Clint as he went to hold her shoulders to help her stay up. Nat wanted hands away from her, god, was the room always this hot, did her heart always go so fast? Was the room always this nauseating?

“Nat- where are you going-” Clint stated as she tried to follow after. She didn’t even realize she had abandoned her crutches. 

He couldn’t even continue as she flipped around to look at him. “I’m going to go figure out what Cap got himself into.” She stated firmly, she knew her tone was mean, and that it was cruel. It was wrong for her to get so mad at Clint but she couldn’t stop. She felt so gross as she stepped away from Clint. “ Barton, don’t follow me. I won’t hesitate to put you on your back.”

Just like that Nat had that lonely feeling climb up her spine as she went to get her ‘runaway bag.’

What mess am I about to drag you out of Steve?

Chapter Text

The Winter Soldier was getting tired of being away from Hydra, he thought it would be no problem, like the rest of his assignments. But with his failure outside of the Avengers building his targets are harder to eliminate than ever. He had never been away for this long and it was weighing on his mental state. He cringed at the thought, given that the only time’s he ever heard the words ‘mental state’ would be when he was unstable and going to get wiped. He hated the process, but for some reason if they didn’t his body would kill everybody in sight.

He was mentally exhausted, it almost felt like somebody else was in his mind, like a parasite, sinking its teeth in and slowly seeping its filth in, infecting the rest of its host until there’s nothing left but the lone parasite. 

Cordyceps came to mind, somebody…not a friend, a weapon doesn’t have friends. A person told him about the fungus, how it would control insects’ motor functions and use their bodies to further their spread. 

Winter Soldier doesn’t remember much of his education before he started working for Hydra, but he remembered this…person who always had weird and uncommon facts. The Winter Soldier didn’t need friends but when his mind was this messed up he wondered what he was before he met Hydra…Before he was The Winter Soldier.

These thoughts were the thing exhausting him. He was tired of having to fight the other voice in his mind, whispering fragments of stories and trying to tell The Winter Soldier that he was the protagonist of these tales.

They couldn’t be memories, Hydra didn’t let him have memories they’re a distraction from the mission. Even if Hydra were to make a mistake, which they’ve never done, these fragments contradicted themselves too much to be memories. 

Memories were never useful but there were times where they were…pleasant. The Winter Soldier understood why the painful ones were wiped. He would have these weird visions that would make his heart rate accelerate, his breathing become unsteady, his hands shake. The ones that made him feel like he was falling down into nothing but shadows. Hydra would’ve been working against themselves if they let him keep these memories. He was grateful that these were taken out of his skull but the nice ones…He didn’t like to question Hydra but he didn’t understand what harm keeping the pleasant ones would do to the mission.

Most of these stories were about a boy. He was blond and very skinny, with stringy hair that reminded him of straw. There was a strange feeling that welled from his chest when he thought about this boy. It was almost like attraction but that wasn’t possible . The Winter Soldier didn’t have an identity, he was a weapon, but he did have a body and he knew he was male, so it would be impossible for him to be attracted to another male. 

This boy had a lot of stories attached to his image. If these were real, which they weren't, he and the boy must’ve lived together at some point. There was a painful feeling with one of these stories. A piece of paper, emotions, something about a war, talk of honor…Was this when The Winter Soldier joined Hydra? If that was the case, and if this thing in his mind actually happened, the boy must be long dead.

That’s when it dawned on The Winter Soldier that he didn’t actually know how long he’d been working for Hydra. He might’ve asked in the past but if he ever got an answer it’d been wiped. He didn’t even know how old he was.

It was getting dangerous, he was starting to question Hydra…but no one was around to enforce his punishment. If Hydra removed his memories because they hurt him wouldn’t hurting himself also harm the mission? Maybe he shouldn’t punish himself, for the sake of the mission.

And if the boy in these fragments was long dead, what could it hurt to listen to the voice that says he’s the protagonist in the stories that he’s being told? He knows that even if these were real he had a mission to do…But when he let this voice whisper these sweet lies to him the mission slips away and he can almost picture himself in the shoes of whoever these voices are actually talking about. 

Hydra always told him that imagination is useless, but it’s helped him more than once, imagining what his targets would do next, putting himself in their minds and making decisions as he would’ve had helped Hydra more than they’d know, not that there’s anything Hydra doesn’t know. The Winter Soldier must’ve been interpreting them wrong because Hydra couldn’t be wrong. If he interpreted them wrong maybe it wouldn’t hurt the mission to imagine himself as someone else? He does it all the time for missions, how could it hurt doing it for himself?

The voice in his brain swallowed his entire focus, painting this tiny blonde boy, his face was blurry, the first thing The Winter Soldier forgets when he’s wiped is faces. The boy’s voice was familiar, sweet. It felt like a bed, rare and surprisingly comfortable. The boy was handing him letters, paper mail. The Winter Soldier was opening the letters he couldn’t see the words he just knew that they weren’t blank. They couldn’t have been. Who would go through the effort of sending paper mail just for it to be blank?

Most of the letters warranted no reaction, The Winter Soldier had no idea why someone would be contacting him if it wasn’t important enough for him to react but that clearly wasn’t the point. One of the letters gave him a reaction, confusing feelings. He was upset but honored. This must’ve been when he started working for Hydra.

He went to the boy and told him…something. This couldn’t have been when he started working for Hydra, he would remember something that righteous, that life changing. The boy wasn’t happy with this news. For some reason seeing this boy sad was making The Winter Soldier feel something resembling a bad feeling. Whatever this letter was, he couldn’t turn it down or else he’d get some consequence. If he knew what the letter was for he might have known the consequence but with his mind the way it is he had no idea what would’ve happened if he had agreed to the boy’s pleas for him to stay.

This boy then said something that caused a feeling of humor, then made The Winter Soldier feel appalled, as if he had misinterpreted what the boy said. With how he had discovered that he had misinterpreted Hydra’s words this seemed like a consistent trait, maybe The Winter Soldier really was the person in these blurry tales of a time long past.

When he thought about it hard enough to make his skull feel like it was splintering he could hear what the boy said. “Th-Then let me enlist, please, I’m with you to the end of the line. You know that.”

“I know but you want to be but you can’t. Even if you were to enlist what recruiter would take in an asthmatic, underweight, 24 year old kid with no siblings and his whole life ahead of him…I need you here. You could stay with my family. I need someone to look after Rebecca. If you’re safe I’ll fight better.” The Winter Soldier said

…out loud…

This was really getting dangerous . He said this out loud, if somebody had been around to hear him. This went beyond getting into some character that his mind was telling him he was, no, now this was affecting him physically.

And the words, they felt so natural in his mouth, this person in these fabrications, was it really him before he was The Winter Soldier. No! He wasn’t anybody before he was The Winter Soldier. He isn’t a person with feelings, or memories, or emotions, he had none of that. He was a weapon and doing this would render him obsolete, like the paper mail in that stupid memory-story. It was just a story, and he was merely pretending to be the main character, and it shouldn’t have affected him this much because it wasn’t a memory. The Winter Soldier didn’t have memories. There was never an adorable boy with blonde hair who used to treat him with kindness, he didn’t need kindness, he didn’t need these stories, he needed his mind to be normal again. He needed to finish this assignment and get back to Hydra as soon as possible.

He’d been in a situation like this before…he was trying to fight it but deep down he knew this was a memory. It wasn’t some different person, it was him, The Winter Soldier, who had been in this situation with a woman. Red hair, blue eyes, a widow. Never married, not that kind of widow…he had trained her. 

There were times that his superiors at Hydra would make him go on infiltration missions so that they could know the difference between their friends and enemies. He would be sent out under the guise of a mentor and then collect information… however he could.

But when he had been sent to train the widows in the red room, he was wiped, and he had a feeling that this mystery woman who was haunting his mind, this second parasite, was the reason. If that was the case he should prepare his punishment and do his best to clear her from his mind as his superiors would. That’s what he should’ve done…

So why wasn’t he? His damn human curiosity was making him a burden to the mission he should get his punishment and wipe it away, report this slip to his superiors, they’d know what to do with him. They’d know how to fix him. They would make him normal again…So why wasn’t he moving from the spot on the floor he had planted himself on after he was done reloading and restocking?

He had to report back to his superiors, tell them that his mind was failing. That’s when a woman's voice popped into his mind. “What’s the rush, big guy?” A Russian accent and a pitiful smile in her voice.

It was the woman with red hair. The second parasite in his mind. He couldn’t think of any parasite with such a lovely voice. Still no face, but he could picture her eyes looking at him with something he couldn’t recognize, one of the blurriest feelings he had deep in his chest. He couldn’t put a name to it. When he would watch American television for this mission he would see a calculated version of this look and it was deemed love. But if that false emotion performed for entertainment was love what was this?

‘What’s the rush?’ What was he doing when this woman said that? He was trying to get out of a bed. She was cuddled up in the sheets next to him. That seems unlikely, but this image was so much more clear than any other that it couldn’t possibly be fabrication. He knew this woman was real, she was a widow. But if she was real how could she ever look at a thing like him with the real version of what people called love? 

The Winter Soldier was about to chide his brain for getting sidetracked when he scoffed. This entire useless self indulgence for the worst parts of his mind was sidetracking him from what’s important, his mission. But no matter how hard he tried he could seem to tear his mind from this…memory. It would just keep repeating because he would keep going back to it, never tiring of that voice that would ask him ‘What’s the rush?’

“We’re on a tight schedule—” The Winter Soldier in his memory tried but was cut off by what the woman in his mind said next.

“Are we? Neither of us have much to do today. You have Widow training today but that isn’t until twelve.” If this woman was telling the truth she had a point, resting more would help The Winter Soldier be at top energy for his next assignment.

“If we don’t show face at breakfast people will get suspicious, after that we can come back here…or back to the room your higher ups gave me, get a bit more privacy.” The memory Winter Soldier said, the bit at the end about a room sounding less like a plan and more like an offer. For what? He had no clue. 

He could remember more about this than anything else but that didn’t mean these memories were clear as the world around him, all it meant was that he could remember what people were talking about, which was good of him as an informant. He wouldn’t have purpose if he couldn’t report what people were doing, talking about…or thinking.

There were other small memories, it’d be useless to fight it at this point, these were memories, well he assumed so. Another woman with dark brown hair in curls and a uniform. Red lipstick standing against her white teeth. Some feeling of admiration, mixed with something… bad , something he couldn’t recognize. Then again he couldn’t recognize anything about this woman. No story about her, but he remembered an Envy.

A Group of men singing in a bar, some of them in different languages and all kinds of laughing at… something? No one laughed in the Hydra base The Winter Soldier reported back to. When it came to world freedom there was no room for anything but the utmost seriousness.

Then there was a teen girl wearing an apron in a kitchen making some kind of soup with a pie on the windowsill. Humming along to some random song. These memories were the blurrest of any of them. The Winter Soldier had no clue who this girl could’ve been. He had no idea of eye color, hair color, height, weight, age. No idea how she looked, he just knew in the back of his mind she was a girl.

All of it wasn’t right though. It was all wrong, to the point that it made him dizzy. He hated this, he hated the fact that he was thinking against Hydra by doing this.

He was to tell his superiors at once, it’d set the mission back for them to have to ship him back to base and wipe him but it’d be better than him losing his purpose. Hydra spent all this time, spent all these resources just for him to be a failure. He couldn’t let that happen. Hydra gave him a purpose, a reason for existing. Without Hydra The Winter Soldier wouldn’t exist…

…

Without Hydra The Winter Soldier wouldn’t exist… If The Winter Soldier didn’t exist whose consciousness would be in this body? It made him think about who the real parasite was. If he was a weapon crafted by Hydra did that mean the person in these stories was this body's former conscience? Was he some kind of monster?

He knew this was wrong, these thoughts were poisoning his mind, he was trying to think about himself like a person when he had never been a person he was crafted as a weapon. Whatever person was in this body before he was gone, Hydra in their kindness cleared him out and made way for The Winter Soldier to be born. 

Hydra made sure The Winter Soldier had the perfect body for his purpose, and they have never stopped trying to give him the perfect mind for his purpose and here he was indulging in these useless thought experiments throwing away all of their hard efforts. Practically spitting in the face of the people trying to give him a life.

He was done playing the role of person. The Winter Soldier wasn’t a person, he was a human weapon, and a weapon didn’t have or need thoughts. A human weapon needed direction…He needed direction. He needed Hydra to tell him what to do. He needed to be fixed . His punishments didn’t fix him but they would hold him over until he could kill his targets and be done with this debilitating mi— assignment…

It was the assignment causing all of this inner turmoil. It was his targets causing him to question Hydra, causing him all of this pain and doubt. They were the ones messing up his mind. 

They needed to die. 

Before this mission he was good and obedient. Before this assignment he didn’t question Hydra. This had never happened during any other assignment, it was something specific about this assignment, it was these targets, they caused this. They were the parasites in his mind making him think about free will as if it were something The Winter Soldier deserved.

The fact that he wanted to eliminate them for revenge and clarity instead of for the sake of the mission was more than enough proof on its own that he was slipping. He was not to think or feel for himself, that was a right only afforded to people, not to him. He needed them dead so that he could be a weapon again without these delusions of a man from a past he never lived. 

Because it couldn’t be real. They were fragments of stories. Blurry ideas that were to never be magnified. Saplings of a thought that would never be allowed the time to sprout. There was no woman with red lipstick in a uniform, no drunk men singing, no girl with an apron.

There was most definitely no skinny blonde boy he used to pray for the safety of. No red headed woman he seemed to feel whatever the real version of love was for. 

He was The Winter Soldier and that made him completely alone in his own way. He never worked with others on his missions, not anymore. He was made to do the dirty work and there was nothing before that. 

The Winter Soldier was all James Buchanan Barnes, all Bucky, ever was and ever will be.

…

Wait . 

Who the hell was Bucky?

The Winter Soldier was a title, nothing less, nothing more. He had no name because people didn’t name their weapons. Names don’t carry nearly as much fear as titles do. The Winter Soldier carries fear. Whoever Bucky was he could never carry the same fear that The Winter Soldier did. They weren’t the same…they couldn’t have been.

He must have heard it somewhere. Yeah, that was it. He overheard it from someone down in the streets of New York calling out. He didn’t have a name other than his title and he knew that, he understood that. He understood what he was. He was a weapon to help Hydra advance and get the things that they needed to bring the world the freedom it deserves.

┣━━━━━━━━━━┫

After The Winter Soldier willed himself up and punished himself for his delinquent behavior he heard a buzz from his pager. This wasn’t like a normal pager, it looked like a phone so that it wouldn’t draw attention if it needed to be used in public. It was unable to connect to any radio signal other than the one at the Hydra base he’s stored at when he isn’t on an assignment. Even other Hydra bases posed risk for infiltration, for that reason every Hydra agent had a different pager connected to whatever base they were stationed at. 

He unzipped the side pocket of his black duffle bag and pulled out his pager to read what his superiors from Hydra had to tell him.

HOME BASE —>

TARGET: STEVE RODGERS ; CODE NAME: CAPTAIN AMERICA —>

TARGET HAS WARRANT FOR (HIS/HER) ARREST FROM S.H.I.E.L.D: NOW ON THE RUN.

Putting the pager down, The Winter Soldier glanced around the grimy place he was temporarily staying in. He walked over to the spot on the floor that he placed his guns on, picked up, and started to clean his G-18. 

Captain America now being on the run would make things a little more difficult. However, it came with the benefit of him being separated from the rest of his team, meaning that if The Winter Soldier were to somehow fire anything but a killing blow, again , there would be no friends to help The Captain to not bleed out.

The Widow would be more difficult than ever to eliminate, but with Captain America being on the run the team would be turning on each other soon. Their moral foundation was taken out, it would take no time for the rest of the team to come crashing down in the rubble of accusations and suspicion. When the entire team is weak it’ll be easy taking out one member. With the addition of The Window already being wounded, and involved with the team member who is currently on the run, she’ll be more vulnerable than any of the other Avengers, both mentally and physically. 

The mental weakness was the true upside to The Captain being missing. The Widow was trained by the Red Room, which made her smart, quick, lethal, a hindrance to not only The Winter Soldier’s assignment, but Hydra’s whole mission. 

Spies were The Winter Soldier’s most frequent target, Hydra had the sense to know they were the most dangerous. Without intelligence muscle didn’t matter, power was useless, and willpower was a joke. That’s what made it so dangerous.

This assignment was one of the hardest The Winter Soldier has ever been assigned, but he wasn’t going to fail. He will eliminate Captain America and Black Widow, not just for the mission, but for his own sanity. Whatever hold these two people—targets…these two targets…Whatever hold these two targets had over him had to be snuffed out. 

This spark inside his mind setting fire to his morals, loyalties, his entire reason for existing. This spark was going to burn down his mind and leave only ashes that even Hydra couldn’t make anything out of. If The Winter Soldier didn’t eliminate his targets and finish his assignment soon he was going to crash, sink, and end up taking Hydra down with him.

Chapter Text

The diner was always pretty busy, being located right in the heart of New York it tended to be quite a lot for anyone who worked there. Most people only would last a couple of weeks before quitting. How did the place run on two servers, and one cook in the back? Who even could tell at this point. 

Classic pale pink walls that had been repainted a couple of years back. Black and white checkered floor was always squeaky clean. Red booths and shiny tables. Jukebox in the corner that was always having to be fixed up after a day of use. 

Issac tried to tell Bree that they needed to just get a new one but she had always just shrugged it off telling him “It was the first thing Grandma Jo got for the place, we can’t get rid of it.” So it stayed with him constantly having to fix it. Bree wouldn’t replace anything unless it was completely unfixable. Something that Issac noticed Mr. Morita did as well.

Nothing about the place bothered Issac though, he didn’t mind the old fashioned 50’s look or her quiet demeanor…Or the fact that she never wanted to change the place, and keep it the exact same as when it was first opened. But he wouldn’t do anything. 

It was her place after all, all hers in her own special way. Not her Mom’s, or Dad’s, not even her older brothers. It could have been his if he had wanted but he decided becoming a school Principal would be a better idea, something that Bree constantly cheered about in her own quiet way. Because it means she got the family dinner.

Leaning against the counter it was still busy but not as much as normal. Just that happy medium that meant Issac could take a moment to breathe behind the front counter as he pushed back his dark brown shaggy hair that kept getting in his face.

That’s when none other than Steve Rodgers walked in. Issac felt himself straighten up a little bit. No matter how many times the Captain had come in, he never lost that wow factor. Mr. Rodgers came up from the counter while Issac was already smiling.

“Heya Rodgers, what can I do for you?” Issac asked as he shifted his weight before noticing the brace on his hand. “Oh hey, you okay?” He asked, glancing from the brace and then to the Captain's face.

Steve looked confused for a moment before following Issac's eyes and giving a small laugh. “Oh it’s fine, it doesn't even really hurt anymore.” He brought hand up and flexed his fingers and wrist without so much as a wince. “I just got it messed up on a mission. Dr. says I should keep it on for the next week just to be safe.”

Issac let his worry wash away as he smiled right back. “Well thank god.” That’s when he paused to think though. While he thought, he glanced over at the calendar  on the counter and then back to Steve. “It’s not Friday.” Normally every Friday, what was left of the Howling Commandos -and Miss Peggy when she felt well enough- would come and eat dinner while sharing old war stories. Something that Bree’s family had started after the war in order to give support. No one would ever sit at the table because of the fancy “Reserved” sign they always had out.

He gave a little nod at Isaac. “Yeah, I know but I’m not here for Friday meets.” After he glanced at the door and looked back he had a smile that reminded Issac of a kid who just got a piece of candy. “I’m here with a date.”

The server wasn’t going to lie as his jaw dropped and held up a fist. “Dude, nice!” He complimented. “This the girl that the other guys were teasing you about?”

At first Steve looked a little confused at Issac’s hand before connecting the fist bump with a tiny laugh. “Yeah, I finally asked her out!” He paused, dropping his smile and looking a little sheepish. “Well, sort of.”

“I’ll get you guys that cute table by the window then. Bree says all the dates like it.”  Issac offered quickly. “We’ve all been waiting for this to happen—” He paused to laugh a little. “I probably shouldn't have said that—it’s fine.” He said, shaking his head a little. A lot of the time before Steve would come in some of the Howling Commando's would joke about how Steve just had to take the girl on a date. Even after Steve came in they would tease him.

“You guys aren’t the only ones.” Steve said with a sigh shaking his head with a little chuckle.

“Yeah? You get teased a lot Cap?” Issac laughed as he led Steve to his table.

Issac watched as Steve just nodded and laughed a little, changing the topic quickly. “Hey, how’s Bree?” 

“Oh she’s at the back unpacking ice cream.” Issac said through his teeth as he gave Steve a flat look as he pulled out his little notepad and guitar shaped pen.

“She’s smoking in the back office, isn’t she?” Steve clocked immediately.

He just nodded as he started to doodle in the corner of his notepad. “You know I think it’s a generational thing. Mr. Morita did all the time in that same back office.”

Jim Morita was someone that Issac didn’t know for a very long time. Just a couple of years in the grand span of things. Mr. Morita served with Steve and the Howling commandos before moving to the city. Where he settled down with a woman that Steve had actually introduced him to, Josephine, one of the old Star Spangled Singers. They went on to have a daughter, and then two grandchildren. That being Bree and her older brother of course.

“Well it was Jim.” A smile from Steve felt like something incredible as Issac looked at him. How many people could say that they had Captain freaking America smile at them? Because he could and he had a number of times under his belt.

Issac glanced around. “Alright, lemme see this girl.” He said before looking back at Steve. “Is this an online date situation? Work buddy?” He guessed rapid fire.

That’s when a feminine voice spoke up. “We can go with work buddy.” With just those words from behind him, Issac jumped out of his skin just a little, whipping around in time to see none other than Black Widow.

“Don’t nerd out, please, for the love of god.” Was all that repeated in his mind as he looked at her. She was dressed casually in a red tank top that matched her hair, some jeans, and a leather jacket. Her smile was lopsided and clever.

“Nat, hey!” Steve said standing up and going over to pull out her chair. Only to have Nat hold up a hand in response stopping him.

“Next time. Your arm is still messed up from the kiss you shared with the pavement.” She reminded, as she pulled out her own chair and slid into the spot. A smile on her face as she looked over at Isaac. “You guys have coffee?”

All that Issac could do was nod before finding his voice again. “Yeah- I mean we are a diner.” He started with a little laugh. He didn’t want to embarrass himself so he’d ask for her signature after she ate and before they left.

“We’ll both have coffee then.” Natasha Romanoff said as she glanced at Steve as if to double check that’s what he wanted. Of course it was though, Steve always had black coffee. Something Issac judged in the back of his mind.

“This is Issac. He’s one of Jim Morita’s granddaughters friends.” Steve introduced before smiling at Issac the way one would to their younger brother. “He’s an aspiring singer.”

“Oh I love musicians.” Natasha lit up just a little bit. “Do you play?”

“Uh-Y-Yeah Bass-”

If getting a smile from Steve was something incredible than getting one from Natasha felt like a badge of honor. Her lopsided smile widened a little in genuine interest. “Same!” She glanced at Steve who was wide eyed. 

“You play?” Steve asked as he leaned forward to laugh a little bit. Probably something that he hadn’t known about his date.

Nat nodded with a little chuckle. “Not that often, but I do.”

Just like that Issac kind of had a feeling that he’d be seeing Ms. Romanoff a hell of a lot more.

┣━━━━━━━━━━┫

Steve would come in about four or five times a month to eat with his old buddies or Ms. Romanoff, Nat only came in once a month really but she was always sweet. Making sure to sign Issac’s merch of her with a laugh each time.

This had gone on for a couple months until one of the slower days that Issac was in the middle of speaking with Bree.

“Come on, you gotta get back out there. I feel like all we have to do is keep you away from blondes.” He rationalized to Bree as he tossed a fry into his mouth after dipping it in cheese.

Bree just looked over with a raised eyebrow as she pulled her hair back up into a silver star claw clip. “No.” She said making sure her hair got up and out of her face before she started to clean some of the glasses.

“So you’re okay with just staying in your shell?” Issac questioned as he pointed at her with a cheesy fry.

Bree looked at Issac, and then at the cheesy fry, raising an eyebrow as she looked blankly. Before she could answer, the door opened. The man who walked in was unrecognizable at first, but from behind the hood and sunglasses that the man was trying to use to conceal his identity Issac knew he was looking at Steve Rogers when his hand went up to tuck loose hairs back behind his hood.

“Rog—” Issac started before being cut off with a hand covering his mouth suddenly. Of course this startled him as he looked at Steve’s hand and then his sunglasses covered face.

“SHH.” Steve said. After a moment of stunted silence from Issac, Steve took his hand away from Issac’s mouth and started shuffling through his pocket. “Yes it’s me, but you can’t go shouting it from the rooftops.” His voice was still the same one Steve always used, but his voice took on a little bit of a harsher tone, almost authoritative.

“Okay, what can I do for you, sir?” Issac asked carefully. Captain America just walked into Bree’s restaurant, covered his mouth, and said he can’t be identified. Whatever was going on discreteness was clearly needed.

Bree by this point had put down the glass she was cleaning just to look between the two with a raised eyebrow.

“I need you to hold on to something for me. Can you do that, please?” Steve asked with a slight desperation in his voice. Glancing between the two of them.

Captain America, who became a human experiment, went to World War II , joined the Avengers, and led the battle against whatever attacked New York, was asking, not just asking, begging for their help.

Issac stuttered and stammered out a “Yeah man.” He could see Bree nod a little as she took a step closer to Issac to look from Steve and then to Issac.

“Thank you.” Steve said as he took Bree’s hand and slid a small flash drive from under his sleeve and into her hand. Of course Issac could see it since he was right next to her, but to anyone else it would just look like they were shaking hands.

But just like that Steve turned heel and left, pulling his hood down more as he walked.

Issac immediately looked over at Bree and they both glanced around before scrambling to the back room. The second they got to the small back hallway Bree opened her hand and Issac picked it up to look at it wide eyed. It was a flash drive, it looked pretty normal. Maybe something someone would keep a project on. But considering the fact it came from Steve Rodgers it had to be something important.

More important than they could comprehend, and they knew that.

Bree looked up only for a brief moment before shoving the flash drive against Issac’s chest as she turned around holding her hands up in defense as she walked off. “I need a smoke break.”

Issac looked down at the flash drive and then at Bree before rushing after her. Following her into the little back office. “Wait, Bree, let’s talk about this.” He started as he followed after her. Bree almost closed the door on him but he stopped the door and followed her in.

Just a nice little office that had a small desk, old photos, and a tiny window. Small splashes of random pink things all around the little room.

Bree was already searching in her desk drawer yanking out a pack of cigarettes. “That thing is gonna get us killed. I swear I'm gonna drag him back in here and shove that thing up his—” Bree was cut off as she raved on and on.

“Who are we to deny him if he needs help?” Issac asked in defense as he watched her start to look around for her lighter with a sigh. He got onto her about smoking a lot. But she was an adult, he couldn’t control what she did.

“If he, the super soldier, can’t be seen with that, what do you think is going to happen if one of us is found with it?” Bree countered as she slammed a drawer closed and tapped her foot against the floor.

He noticed the lighter between a photo of her grandparents and her graduation, so he picked it up and passed it over. “Who going after Captain America, would bother looking here?” Issac defended as he looked back down at the flash drive. “We’re a retro diner, not Shield.”

“Just…” Bree lit the cigarette hanging from her mouth before she sighed, “Just don’t plug it into anything. Whatever’s on it is none of our business. Okay?” She said walking over as she pushed the little window open.

“You got it.” Issac said, a little disappointed but understanding his curiosity would get them both killed if indulged. He slipped it into his pocket, as he gave a little nod before walking out of the office.

┣━━━━━━━━━━┫

Bree and Issac were in the process of closing, listening to ABBA as they worked on scrubbing floors and everything else. When they saw the second hero of the day outside the glass door, Black Widow tapped lightly on the glass with her knuckles and her hood pulled up to try and hide her hair.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” Bree said, unlocking the door for Natasha. Letting her in, even though she had an annoyed look.

“Hey, sorry for coming here while you guys are closing.” Natasha said as she walked in, of course Issac noticed that she walked in with a limp, and was about to say something before Bree started.

“What’s with the leg?” Bree asked, quickly offering her arm to Natasha to help her.

But she shook her head and held up a hand. “Don’t worry about it.” Natasha said. “Steve came by here and dropped something off right?” She asked looking around and then between the two. Issac felt himself freeze up in comparison to Bree’s poker face. “I'm gonna take that as a yes. Listen, the thing he gave you, the flash drive, I need it.”

“What’s on it?” Issac questioned right back as he crossed his arms trying to emulate Bree’s poker face.

“Don’t ask questions. The more you know about this the more danger the both of you are in. You give it to me and you won't have that target on your back.” Natasha just shook her head trying to get the two -mostly him- to just drop it.

“What have you both gotten yourselves into?” Bree asked, putting a hand on Natasha’s shoulder. Trying to help as much as she could and trying to take on a softer look.

“It’s none of your concern.” Natasha said, slapping away Bree’s hand. Who of course stepped back with her face hardening up all over again. “I don’t mean to be rude but we’re the ones who are trained to deal with problems like this. You’re citizens and I don’t want any more innocent people hurt by this. Issac, flash drive, please. ” Natasha held out her hand expectantly, just waiting for him to cough it up.

Issac didn’t know what to do. Two heroes today had come to them begging for help. If Captain America turned to him for help that means his team must have turned on him. But Black Widow framed this in terms of danger to himself and Bree. 

Before he could think, Bree took the flash drive from Issac’s pocket and handed it to Natasha. “ Here, try not to get yourself killed.” She said it sharply and kept a hand on Issac’s shoulder.

Natasha tightened her grip on the flash drive as she held it close. “Thank you Bree, and Issac,” Her gaze shifted over to him.”...don’t worry, I’m doing this for Steve’s sake.” Natasha comforted slightly with a tiny smile at him.

“How did you—”

“You wear your emotions on your sleeve.” Natasha stated, limping out. “Thank you again.”

┣━━━━━━━━━━┫

The next day everything went back to being as normal as it could be for him and Bree given that it was just yesterday one of the best fighters in the world had thanked them. The air between Bree and Issac was quiet for most of the day, if a little tense, the only sounds being the unknowing customers sipping on their coffee. Usually Issac was always the one to start up conversation, but this time, Bree spoke up.

“Do you think we did the right thing?” She asked as she stopped pouring coffee and just looked at the cup in front of her on the counter. “Issac, if people are hunting down Captain America and they look around where he likes to hang out, they will find this place.” When she looked over at Isaac he instantly felt his shoulders slump a little bit. 

Bree was always one to keep up appearances. Her hair, she always made sure the pink money streaks and underside stayed that pastel pink she liked so much. That it didn’t grow out too much. The makeup she always kept perfectly matched to her skin tone under her eyes to hide the deep-set eyebags that always remained. But now? Well now her hair had grown out more to show the deep brown and almost black roots where the pink should start. And the makeup under her eyes was just a little too dark against her complexion. 

His best friend acted heartless yet she had a bigger heart than he thought he could ever have.

I’ll make a line about that in a song.

“Yeah, I know. But I mean this is Mr. Rodgers we are talking about.” He explained as he leaned on the counter. “I have a feeling that whoever is going against Captain America, isn’t good. He and Ms. Romanoff have their reasons I’m sure.”

Bree looked a little conflicted as she nodded along. “Yeah, you’re right.” She finally agreed as she took in a breath. “I mean, you know me. I worry .” She said before picking up the coffee she had just poured. “My grandpa did so much to get this place and make a life here.” She took a moment to breathe as she tapped her hand against the counter before stopping. “Nothing can get in the way of that, Issac. I won’t let it.” She reminded crossing the counter and getting ready to go deliver the coffee. All she sighed, running a hand through her hair carefully.

Issac knew that, of course he did. Back during the battle of New York he had called but she didn’t pick up at all. When he finally got there and made it into the back entrance he found a bunch of the customers held up hidden in the back. Walking up front he found Bree with a shotgun and a cigarette tapping her foot as she just waited for one of those weird alien things to come in. Completely ready to defend the diner.

He took a breath. “Look, I know. I mean I’ve known you for years. I mean when your Grandparents didn’t want to live in the apartment they offered it to you, and then called me up. Because you,” he pointed at her and jabbed at her a little bit with his finger. “...well you worry too much. ” he stated with a little shrug and smile

She looked at his hand, then his face. Bree was always hard to read, but now? Well he saw the corner of her lip tip up a little bit. And he had a feeling that she knew she wasn’t alone.

“Whatever, if your dumbass gets us killed I’ll just haunt you.” She said hitting her hand against his shoulder while shaking her head and walking away as she let out a huff of air that he knew was her version of a chuckle.

Yeah, they were gonna be fine.

Chapter Text

Talking to Alexander Pierce didn’t exactly go according to Steve’s plan. It was all just a mess now. But in the long run it was good that he ran away from it. 

…Although maybe being on the run wasn’t the easiest thing in the world.

Dropping off the hard drive to Bree and Issac had been an easy decision. No one would look there. Not to mention they weren’t connected to S.H.I.E.L.D, after Bree’s grandpa retired he went on to live a normal life with his family. Needless to say, he didn’t have to worry about Bree—or Issac for that matter—stabbing him in the back.

Fury’s death had to have been the fault of Pierce, there was no way in hell that it couldn’t be. That’s why he knew the flash drive that was given to him by Fury the last time they were near each other, he knew it was important. Fury knew something was wrong, that something in S.H.I.E.L.D was getting messed up. But Fury had just asked Steve to hold onto it. 

After Steve’s second worst elevator experience, he stashed the flash drive Fury had given him with Bree and Issac. Until he found a computer that was safe to tap into he would rather it unable to be robbed off of his body were he to go down in a fight.

Steve honestly didn’t know what would be safe and what would be trackable, he figured it would be one of those things that looks obvious. Like maybe a computer the size of a room like they had in the early 40s, or an underground bunker, or on an aircraft that said, “ FLASH DRIVES WELCOME ” in big bold letters.

He couldn’t help laughing at himself for that last one. Anything that says “FLASH DRIVES WELCOME ” would one hundred percent read and store whatever you were to plug into it.

He hadn't given himself a moment to rest since he ran from Pierce. With no car, an abandoned bike, and already being tired from the emotional exhaustion of thinking the love of his life was killed, Steve wasn’t getting far on foot. He had stopped at a gas station thinking that he was close enough to the city border that he could rest his feet and then keep running.

While Steve was smart enough to bring some money with him, he had this bad habit of forgetting how much things today cost compared to how much they did in the 40s. He nearly spent all he brought with him on water and a small sandwich, for a man like him it was basically an appetizer. But he had to count his blessings where there were some, the blessing being that no one had recognized him just yet.

When he left the gas station he went behind the building where other people were, a smoker, a homeless family, the usual for New York, sad as it made him.

Just as he was about to get up after finishing what he bought when he heard a bike driving in. It was a gas station so obviously people would be getting gas but it was pretty late and most would’ve been in bed by now. A bit hypocritical for him to think given how he should be in bed…with his girlfriend…who probably hates him now.

Steve, curious as to who would be driving this late, took a peak around the corner of the building. He couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw his bike. He got up and was about to confront the thief but then quickly remembered that he was on the run and a fugitive himself so he hurriedly rushed to the trashcan. 

Losing the bike would suck but he’d replace it eventually.

He was about to take off running again when he heard possibly the worst or best voice he could hear. Depended on the moment normally, but considering the situation…yep, actually this is worse.

“There you are!” Nat had said it harshly of course but there was still that wonderful hint of relief. Nat was quickly hobbling up to Steve and wrapping her arms around his neck. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“Nat…” He started softly as he held her back, before processing what was happening. His voice getting just a little firm. “Natasha, why are you here? Your leg- you should be at home, you should be in bed , what are you doing here?” Steve asked, pulling her off of him. 

“‘Why am I here?’ Why are you out here?” Natasha argued right back, indignantly. “ Why is Shield saying you’re a fugitive? Why did you damn near run out of the city? Why did you leave this weird flash drive that Fury gave you with Bree and Issac? Why did Fury give you the flash drive in the first place? Steve… what is going on?” She finally finished as she crossed her arms over herself and looked him over, as if she was picking him apart.

Steve couldn’t respond. He thought that running away would protect Natasha, but when he looked into those beautiful green eyes and saw how hurt and confused she was he realized that leaving her with no explanation hurt her more than the attempt on her life.

“I…we can’t stay here for long. We should get somewhere more discreet on that bike of mine, that you stole. I’ll explain when we’re safe.” Steve said, pulling Nat into another hug.

“Fine, but the second we’re in a safe spot you’re explaining yourself.” Nat agreed, returning the hug.

They stood there for a moment, their worry, fear, and exhaustion all on display as they took in the brief moment of comfort. Their own calm before the storm.

Her hold against him felt a little tighter then how she normally hugged him. Of course it didn’t hurt. Even though he was generally stronger than most men, Nat had always been careful with him. He pretended not to notice of course.

“I’m driving, you’re still injured.” Steve said as he took advantage of her arms around him in order to pull the keys from her jacket pocket and into his own hands. “Weird magic tea or not, you need to take it easy.” 

“You got it Cap.” She said with a little nod as she just agreed. “Well what’s the first step? What’s our plan?”

“We get snacks. I’m starving.” Steve admitted right before his stomach growled. Looking a little sheepish he looked over at her carefully. “Nat I would never ask you to pay-”

Nat’s little laugh stopped him from spiraling. “This is why I keep telling you to get a card.” She shook her head as she pulled her helmet back on and passed him one too. Before turning to walk to the gas station.

Steve felt his face flush but he put on the helmet. “Well the government tracks those.”

She stopped mid-step to just look at him before lifting up the visor. “God you're old .” She then just turned heel and continued walking up to the gas station sliding the door open. Sliding the visor back down to hide her eyes.

Following after her quickly, he continued to defend himself. “They do ! Plus not to mention we need to be using cash right now.” His voice lowered as he walked with her the second they entered the place.

To the rest of the shop they probably just looked like any other bikers who came into the gas station. They wouldn’t know that they were Captain America and Black Widow.

“Don’t worry, I got cash.” She said pulling out her wallet and passing it over to him. “I got us ids too.”

Steve raised an eyebrow and couldn’t help but look at her wallet. Simple black leather wallet with a button. Popping it open he pulled out two small plastic cards. One with his face, one with Nat’s, as expected. The one with his face didn’t have the same picture as his actual ID. Not to mention the glasses on his face. He would’ve made the same observation about the one with Nat’s face when it hit him. He wasn’t sure whether or not she had an actual ID. The fake ones Nat produced labeled Petra Gregmore and Caleb Somerset…when exactly did she make these?

“That one is yours if you couldn’t tell.” Nat said as she pointed to the one with Steve’s face on it.

“I know that.” Steve said. He faked annoyance but he was glad to have Nat’s dry humor to bite at him a little.

“Have you had anything?” Nat said, looking over what food the gas station had to offer.

“Yeah a sandwich." Steve said as he pointed to the shelf with general brand mini sandwiches.

Nat looked over, and even without the visor down he could tell that she was giving him that blank look. “...And you genuinely thought that was gonna fill you up?” Nat asked.

“It’s all I brought money for.” Steve said, embarrassed at his habit. His hand going to scratch at his neck a little bit.

“ Right . Well, we’re getting something bigger than this.” Nat said, as she grabbed Steve’s hand and looked for a proper meal for the both of them.

┣━━━━━━━━━━┫

After Nat had found something bigger than Steve’s pinky to eat she had dragged them out of the gas station, drove to an abandoned parking lot about a block out of the city, and ate. Steve was on the ground while Nat ate on the bike. Steve’s idea, much to the chagrin of Nat who had to be bribed with the promise that they would switch the next time they stopped.

“So…Go on. Explain yourself.” Nat explained with a little bit of a bite.

Steve gulped just a little bit and stalled by chewing on his food a little bit. “I don’t know where to begin.” Steve said, taking a bite of the food Nat bought him at the gas station. Some kind of greasy pizza.

“Let’s start simple. Why is Shield calling you a fugitive?” Nat asked before taking a bite of the burrito that she had gotten for herself.

“...A few days before Fury…before the attack Fury was telling me something, something cryptic, and he gave me the flash drive and told me not to trust anyone.” It had been right after some boat mission where some people were holding hostages and information. Nat had saved the information and he had saved the hostages. Steve wasn’t exactly fond of how Fury had told Steve’s own girlfriend to lie to him so he chose to leave that part out of his timeline. 

“Whether that meant with the drive or in general, I didn't know. I didn’t think about it too hard, you know what Fury is—” Steve cut himself off pausing as he took a breath, “ was like…” He took a breath before continuing. “After…what happened I was talking with Pierce, like I told you I would. He wanted to know what Fury gave me and why but there was this thing about him. I don’t know if it was Fury’s last words to me or what but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything but play dumb.” Steve shrugs, giving a scoff. “Apparently I’m a horrible actor.”

Nat let out a tiny laugh but she quickly stopped when she realized he wanted to stay serious.

Taking a breath he continued “ Anyways, he told me ‘Somebody murdered my friend and I’m gonna find out why. Anyone gets in my way, they’re gonna regret it. Anyone.’ And I know that sounds normal under any other context-” He started when Nat gave him an odd look. “But it was the way he said it…I know what you all think of me…but I’m not naive. I knew what he meant and I ran. I feel like you can guess what happened from there.”

“That’s…a lot.” Nat said. She paused before fishing the flash drive out of her pocket and handing it to Steve. 

“What are you—” Steve was cut off.

“He wanted you to have this right? I don’t think I can explain what the director did for me when he let me join the team. Last thing I’d wanna do is disrespect his wishes.” Nat with a shrug as if she tried to play off the meaning her words had.

Steve paused as he looked at the small thing in his hand made of weak metal and flimsy plastic. This thing he could snap with his bare hands had the power to make Nick Fury afraid of it getting into the wrong hands. 

It might’ve been a side effect of living for as long as he had but Steve was always enamored with how much information could be stored in something so small. Back before he was Captain America they had just moved past land lines into the territory of the telephone. In modern day a phone is a phone, computer, flashlight, and anything else it needs to be.

Yet another thing that made him feel out of place.

“Steve?” Nat prompted. Steve realized he had just been staring at the flash drive not saying anything. 

“The first thing we need to do is find out what is on this. Whatever it is Fury wanted it protected. There’s got to be a reason why.” Steve said firmly, trying to project the confidence as he processed their new plan. 

After a second of Nat not saying anything though he looked over at her. Yet another blank look from her with a raised eyebrow as she waited for him to catch up to her speed. “Excuse me?”

He rarely meant to but when he was serious his voice had a mind of its own. A wince fell from his lips. He never used the Captain voice at her minus if they were on group missions because then it was on the entire time. “Sorry, I didn’t mean for that to sound like a lecture. Before we can do anything you probably still have more questions.” Steve said, sheepishly as he went to slide the drive away into a pocket.

She gave him a smile. “Thank you. But I think you answered every one that you could.” Nat said before stuffing the wrapper into her bag since there was no trashcan nearby. Before looking at his hand that wasn’t holding the flash drive.

A very quick realization had dawned on Steve that he had taken one bite of his food, and his stomach was very eager to rectify this. So he went back to eating while Nat sat there thinking.

Eventually she spoke up again “Any idea where we can see what's on that thing?” Nat asked while she probably tried to figure it out in her own mind.

“I was hoping to find it on the way.” Steve admitted quietly. “Couldn’t figure it out so I figured Bree and Issac keeping it would be safe till I figured something out.”

Nat took a long breath in with both of her hands on her face and clasped them as she breathed out, clearly trying to keep herself together in the moment. Nat had incredible anger control, something that he’d envied from Banner and Nat.

“You do realize the sheer size of lecture you’re going to get when we’re out of this, right?” She finally said as she rested her elbows on her knees.

Another tiny gulp from Steve. “I think I have some idea.” Steve said slowly.

Goodbye warm bed with the mess of curly red hair, hello couch.

Nat finally spoke again after a second of breathing. “Based on how it looks, the flash drive we’re dealing with has a Level six homing program, meaning as soon as we boot it up, Shield will know exactly where we are. Which means we should go somewhere populated. A place where we wouldn’t be spotted easily.”  Nat got up and patted the bike seat, motioning for Steve to get on it. “So how about when morning breaks you drive us to the nearest mall?”

“What about tonight?” Steve said quickly, swallowing the last bites of his pizza and swallowing it down before getting on the bike.

“Is Captain America too fancy to sleep in a motel for a night?” Nat teased wrapping her arms around his middle and looking over his shoulder at him.

“After all the touring I did back in the day? Living motel to motel is practically second nature.” Steve said.

They drove to the nearest motel, which meant driving back in the New York city limits by a significant margin. Maybe he was being dramatic but sleeping by Natasha’s side again after her and his near death experiences had made it feel just a little bit lighter.

┣━━━━━━━━━━┫

In the morning Steve didn’t have time to appreciate the adorable ball of red hair in his chest, he knew that they had to keep moving. The two got up, got dressed, and got out as soon as they could without looking suspicious.

Nat hadn’t said a single word that morning until they got to the mall. “First rule of being in the run is, don’t run, walk .” She said it like a lecture a little bit as they walked around.

“If I run in these shoes, they’re gonna fall off.” Steve said glad to hear Nat’s voice again. “That one had tech stuff right?” He pointed at a store that had a sign that said ‘MAC’.

“Yep” Nat said as she dragged Steve inside with her, holding onto him by the jacket she’d made him wear and almost knocking the non-prescription glasses off his face.

“How much time do we have until Shield finds us after you plug that in?” Steve asked while Nat was plugging in the flash drive. Already bracing himself as he looked around the mall.

“Nine minutes.” She said it calmly but she was already fast at work on the computer. “Fury was right about that ship, somebody’s trying to hide something. From the look of things this drive is protected by some sort of AI that keeps rewriting itself to counter my demands.” Nat said, doing…something? Steve wasn’t sure, he was never sure when it came to computers. When he had to do digital files and stuff he normally just asked Banner for help.

“Can you override it?” Steve asked.

“The person who developed this is slightly smarter than me.” Nat’s frustrated tone came through a little bit at that, with emphasis on the word slightly. “Let me try running a tracer. This is a program that Shield developed to track hostile malware.” 

“What does that mean?” Steve asked, confused as he squinted at the computer to try and understand a little more, even though he knew it was pointless.

“If we can't read the file, maybe we can find out where it came from.” Nat explained with a little sigh as she tried to focus.

“Can I help you guys with anything?” A sudden voice came from behind them and both of them turned to look at an employee, fully ready to bolt if needed. But with the way he smiled and had that blank kind of smile that most retailers had, they kind of realized the guy wouldn’t probably realize anything.

“Oh, no.” Nat started as she giggled. “My fiancé was just helping me with some honeymoon destinations.” Nat said in an unnatural voice. It wasn’t forced but anyone who knew her knew that Nat’s voice didn’t sound like that. Higher, more giggly as she leaned on his shoulder a little bit. Was that her mission voice? Did people actually want to buy her a drink when she sounds like that? Nat sounded like one of those actresses from the 40s he was forced to act with. Them forcing their voices high was never his favorite thing to listen to.  Ew. As much as he loved old fashioned things, he didn’t like his girlfriend's pretend little voice.

Steve realized he was just standing there quiet so he stammered out “Yup, we’re getting married.” He said nodding alone with that.

Actually, that would be nice.

The guy laughed nodding along. “Congratulations! Where do guys think you’re gonna go?” The man asked with a big smile on his face at this point.

Sneaking a glance at the computer he saw what was pulled up. “New Jersey.” Looking at the computer Nat was working on.

Nope, nope. I’m getting married in Brooklyn, no way in hell would I get married and have my honeymoon  in Jersey of all places.

“Oh…” The man said, looking intently at Steve for a moment and tilting his head a little bit as if to get a better look.

This was it. This was where the whole operation got blown sky high. Should he have done a stupid voice? Maybe a country accent or something? Should he have gotten a silicon mask? Why did he think no one would recognize him? He was so stupid. This was how he got him and Nat caught.

He suddenly smiled and pointed at Steve. “I have those exact same glasses.” The man exclaimed, snapping Steve out of his spiral.

Nat by this point had turned back to the computer “Wow, you two are practically twins.” Nat said in her real voice. Thank god.

Steve laughed awkwardly as he nodded along. He’d had guns pointed at him before, and yet the acting and playing along was making him sweat.

“Please, I wish.” The guy said before gesturing to Steve’s figure that he had even now mostly hiding under his jacket. “Specimen.” 

Steve didn’t know what to say to that as he glanced over the guy and then back at Nat for help. Thank god the employee started speaking again.

“If you guys need anything, the name’s Aaron.” The man said, walking away.

“Uh, yeah, thanks.” Steve said, clumsily. “You said we have nine minutes, what’s the hold up?” He said before hovering over Nat’s shoulder yet again.

“You breathing down my neck won't make me any faster.” Nat said not even giving him a glance as she worked away on the computer. Finally it clicked and she pointed at the screen. “There, Wheaton, New Jersey. Do you know where this place is?” Nat asked as she looked at the coordinates.

“I used to.” Steve said, looking over his shoulder as Nat removed the flash drive from the computer. An odd wave of nostalgia washing over his body all over again.

“We can work with that.” Nat put Steve’s arm around her as they walked out of the store, half dragging him before he caught up with the memo.

They didn’t get far before they spotted the SHIELD agents who were sent to track the flash drive’s signal. They had six agents to deal with in total. Two behind them, two to either side of them, and two walking straight towards them.

“We have Shield on all sides of us. If they make us, let me engage while you hit the south escalator to the metro.” Steve whispered to Nat as he was already bracing himself for a fight. He could see Nat side eyeing him all over again.

“Try the Captain voice on me again, and so help me, Rodgers-” She stopped short quickly. “Pretend to laugh at something I said.” Nat said, hugging tighter to Steve’s side.

“...Did you not hear a thing I just said?” Steve asked.

“Just do it!” Nat demanded.

Steve let out a forced patchwork mix of ha’s as the two walked straight past the Shield agents that were sent to track the flash drive’s signal. They had made it to the escalator before two of the agents had gotten on the escalator directly beside theirs.

“Kiss me.” Nat said, turning around and grabbing Steve by the shoulders.

There was a tiny shocked sound that left his lips, PDA was never something they did because the public didn’t know about them. “Here? Now?”

“I’m not asking for a kiss just because I want to kiss you. Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable.” Nat said, eyeing the agents on the escalator next to theirs. 

“Yes they do—” Steve said, very quickly by a hand on the back of his neck pulling him down into an unexpected kiss. He didn’t know what to do so he just stood there until Nat was done. 

“You still uncomfortable?” Nat asked.

“That’s not the exact word I'd use.” A very flustered Steve mumbled.

┣━━━━━━━━━━┫

Now the original plan had been to drive with the bike. But considering that people had started to recognize him and they were almost caught back at the mall, they decided to do something that Steve took no pride in.

Nat had been quiet as she watched him hotwire a truck out in the back of the mall parking lot. But now after the complete silence for about five minutes she spoke up with her own questions. “Where did Captain America learn how to steal a car?” She wondered aloud from the passenger seat where she’d made herself comfortable with the seat leaned back a little and her feet resting up in the dash.

There was a moment of Steve taking a breath before responding. “Nazi Germany.” He said simply as he turned onto some backroad while following the map along.

“Oh.” Was all Nat managed to let out before just looking out the window letting out another breath of air.

Steve continued along quickly. “And we're borrowing it. Take your feet off the dash.” He said it and immediately regretted how harsh he sounded as he saw her stiffen in the passenger seat and then slowly take her feet off the dash.

There was that guilty feeling again that he knew he deserved. Things the last couple of days had been rough, a hell of a lot rougher than he liked. Steve knew he had issues, but he knew Nat didn't deserve to be the one he took it out on. He’d save all of his anger for whoever killed Fury. 

Not to mention he would be damned if he ever mirrored the way his Father treated women.

Before Steve could tell Nat an apology or try to comfort in anyway to show her that he really was sorry, Nat spoke up

“Alright, I have a question for you, oh, which you do not have to answer.” She started as she lifted her hand a little bit in defense. “I feel like if you don't answer it though, you're kind of answering it, you know?” She said with just a little bit of spite as she glanced at him and then right back out the window again.

Steve sighed and nodded along with her stalling. “Hit me with it.”

Looking over at him again with a light smile. Not that smile she did when she was super comfortable, but still the light one. The kind that showed they were both trying. “Back at the mall, your acting was….” She paused trying to find a nicer word. “Well, have you ever actually been undercover?” She asked.

He took in a breath and when it came out it was more of a laugh. “That bad huh?”

Nat shrugged at him shaking her head as she looked away with her smile turning into a smirk. “Oh, I didn’t say that.”

“Well, it kind of sounds like that's what you're saying.” He said trying to hide his own smile as he took another turn on the road. From here on it should be a majority of a straight shot to the military base.

She shook her head holding up a finger. “No, I didn't.” Nat defended before continuing. “I just wondered how much practice you've had.”

“I don't need practice with acting if that’s what you're suggesting.” Steve said as he shifted in his seat a little bit.

“Everybody needs practice.” Nat said with that same tease in her voice.

“What, like you?” The words tumbled out and in his mind Steve definitely started to beat himself up. Nat didn’t tell him a lot about her past, but after meeting her and hearing the different things that people said, he had been able to piece together little pieces.

Nat didn’t yell or say anything about that but she shrugged and looked out the window. “Well it’s all a role. You just pretend to be someone else. People normally just follow along.” Her smile had left by this point.

“That's a tough way to live.” Steve said as he looked back on the road, focusing his eyes.

“It's a good way not to die, though.” Nat said as she looked over at him, and he could feel her eyes on him as it took everything in him focusing on the road.

Steve brushed back a little bit of his hair even though it wasn’t in his face at all. Feelings, god, Steve had issues when he tried to talk and he knew it. But that was part of this whole relationship thing. He knew that. “You know, it's kind of hard to trust someone when you don't know who that someone really is.” He eventually settled on, giving her another little glance. Before using his right hand to sit on her knee. Carefully rubbing a couple circles on the top of her jeans.

Nat leaned back in her seat a little bit as she crossed her arms. “Yeah. Who do you want me to be?” She asked.

But it made Steve feel a little sick. He felt himself freeze up as he heard that. The fake voice at the mall, following him around, putting up with his shit? He didn’t want her to be some mindless drone that just followed along with what he said. He wanted his Natasha. 

He withdrew his hand and put it back on the wheel. Tapping for a moment before speaking. “My girlfriend, the same Nat that I know. That’s what I want.”

Nat didn’t say anything about that. She just went to looking out the window at the passing scenery.

┣━━━━━━━━━━┫

When they pulled up to the military base, Steve turned off the engine and just watched the gate for a moment. It looked the same, just…so empty.

Steve eventually opened the door and stepped out of the truck. He closed the door and just stood there as he glanced around.

Everything looked the same but it didn’t feel the same. But that didn’t mean that memories didn’t come flooding back into his body.

He could still remember when he tried on his uniform for the first time. The whole thing was too big and he remembered having to take a knife and cutting a new hole in the belt so that it could actually fit his waist. His helmet was always falling off too, so a lot of the time he just had to pray it wouldn’t fall off.

Peggy was always there though. Even when he was nothing but scrawny and short.

┣━━━━━━━━━━┫

“Your uniform doesn’t fit.” The English voice came through and he looked over to see none other than Miss Carter.

Steve had been sitting outside the mess hall messing around and sketching, rather than eating inside. So he was a little off put when she showed up, accidently pressing too hard with his pencil, making the sharp end break. “Oh uh-” He quickly tossed the sketch to the side and stood up. “Lieutenant Carter-” He said as he stumbled a little bit. Already embarrassed and not wanting her to see the sketch he’d been working on moments ago. Not that it was anything dirty, but he would just rather have her not see it.

“At ease.” She said, hands folded behind her back as she glanced him over.

Instantly he had relaxed a little but he felt his shoulders stay just a little stiff.

“Your uniform doesn’t fit.” She started again.

“Oh uh-” Steve said as he looked down at himself. “Right-”

Lieutenant Carter sighed. “They will give you repercussions for not having your uniform worn correctly.”

Steve bit at the inside of his cheek before speaking. “It’s the uh smallest size they have.”

There was a moment of silence before Lieutenant Carter spoke up again. “I know a woman that doesn’t live far away. I can get you ones that fit better.” She finally said in that stern voice that didn’t leave him a lot of room to actually say no.

Didn’t mean he couldn’t try though. “Lieutenant Carter, you don’t have to do that-”

She cut him off quickly. “Oh please, you had to make a new hole in your belt for your waistline. I’ll go speak to my friend and we’ll get something sorted out.”

His face flushed as he stiffened up a little bit more. “Thank you ma’am.”

She gave a tiny smile with her ruby red lips. “Wonderful. I’ll stop by and get your other uniform bright and early tomorrow.” Just like that she turned around and went to head back into the mess hall. 

Letting Steve relax just a little bit more as he gathered his sketchbook back up as well as his now broken pencil.

“Oh and, Mr. Rodgers.” Her voice started again as she turned around carefully.

“Yes Lieutenant Carter?” He instantly said, straightening right up all over again.

She smiled at him before turning to half turn away from him. “If you must draw me, I do insist that you at least get my good side.” Just like that she turned away fully and was walking away from him.

He felt his face deepen as he looked at the sketch and the second she left was left mumbling to himself. “How the hell am I supposed to tell what side that is?” Because both were pretty wonderful in his mind.

┣━━━━━━━━━━┫

Looking at the Military base he felt that same odd tug in his chest. That deepest guilt that bloomed down somewhere he couldn’t reach and claw out of himself. 

You can’t change the past was something that he had to force himself to learn since he came out of the ice. 

That didn’t stop that cold feeling that he felt creeped up his back and wrapped around him.

Chapter Text

“This is where the files came from.” Nat stated. That was the first thing she had said to Steve since they had gotten out of the car. She didn’t stop Steve while he was looking around. Letting him have a moment to himself. 

After their conversation in the car turned sour Nat didn’t trust her tone with Steve, she knew coming here had to have been a lot for him to do.

“The files aren’t the only thing.” Steve said as he looked over at Nat, she could feel his eyes on her. “This place is where I was trained.”

She didn’t look back, not wanting to see that lost look he had on his face. “Let’s see how much it’s changed.” Nat pondered, as the two walked around the base. Trying to find things that changed or any kind of sign of life.

“Do you have anything?” Steve asked.

“Nope, nothing.” Nat said, a little frustrated. “No heat signature, no waves, hell, not even radio waves. Whoever wrote the file must have used a router to throw people off. Can’t believe this was a dead end.” Nat said, a little dejected her hand going to her hair messing with the ends that had curled just a little bit.

Nat was trying to examine the place for any sign of where the files could’ve been sent from when she noticed Steve just staring off in the distance at some building. Eventually she got tired of waiting for him to zone back in, so she asked, “What is it?”

“This building is…wrong.” Nat must have had a look on her face that said she had no clue what he was talking about because Steve explained. “Army regulations forbid storing ammunition within five hundred yards of the barracks. This building is in the wrong place.” He said pointing out at the building like it had personally offended him.

They walked up to the door and Steve broke the lock with his shield. They entered the building. It quickly became apparent that this was a SHIELD building.

“This is Shield?” Nat said. She didn’t mean for it to sound like a question but it came out like that anyway.

“Might be where it started.” Steve said, already walking in starting to poke around.

Nat was looking around for anything, clues, heat signature, any sign that showed coming here was worth it. That’s when she noticed the metal behind the bookshelf. She tried to get Steve’s attention but he was staring at pictures of people he used to know. 

Photos of Peggy Carter and Howard Stark that were in black and white, a layer of dust covering over everything. She knew about the little one that he had in his compass that he carried around. He didn’t open it in front of anyone but she’d seen him looking at it before, late nights while she was walking into the room and he was sitting on the end of the bed just staring. It hurt a little but she knew she was no saint. She would do the same things if she had photos of him.

She didn’t want to interrupt but they had time to grieve when they weren’t fugitives.

“Steve,” Nat said, snapping Steve out of his train of thought. “Come take a look at this.” She nodded her head at the bookshelf.

“That is a book shelf.” Steve said, clearly confused with the stupid, cute, lost puppy look in his stupid, cute, eyes.

“I can’t move it by myself. But I can see that there’s something behind it.” Nat reasoned.

Steve nodded his head and moved the bookshelf out of the way to reveal an elevator.

“If the office is already secret why would you need to hide the elevator?” Nat asked, pressing the button to go wherever the elevator led. She was honestly shocked that the power in the elevator still worked.

The two were taken down to a dark room with old computers. This technology was from before Nat was even an idea. The computers the size of walls, the phones without buttons, this room looked like it had been made in sometime after Steve went into the ice.

“No way this is the data-point. With technology this ancient?” Nat said in disbelief looking around at the layers and layers of dust on everything around them.

“I thought you liked ancient things. You know, just from observation.” Steve rebutted, as Nat put the flash drive into the computer.

The computer’s automated response went off:

Initiate System? 

“Y E S, spells yes. ‘Shall we play a game?’ It’s from a movie that—” Nat was cut off.

“Yeah, I saw it.” Steve said.

Before she could ask who the hell Steve had watched Scream with, the computer had an automated voice speak up.

“Rogers, Steven. Born, 1918. Romanov, Natalia, Alianovna. Born, 1984.”

“It looks like some kind of recording.” Nat said. She silently cursed at herself after. How could a recording from god know when she had been born? Not to mention her middle name.

“I am not a recording, Fräulein. I may not be the man I was when the Captain took me prisoner in 1945, but I am.”

“Do you know this thing?” Nat said, turning to Steve with a raised eyebrow.

Steve already looked annoyed as he let out a harsher sigh. “Arnim Zola, he was a scientist who worked for the Red Skull. He’s supposed to have been dead for years.” Steve said, obviously bewildered.

Now Nat was starting to panic a little. There was no way this was a recording, and this kind of technology wouldn’t be able to support any kind of video call, not to mention the man should be elderly, maybe even older than Peggy. Yet he sounded completely coherent.

“I could say the same about you, Captain. The truth of the matter is…well, look around you, I have never been more alive. In 1972 I received a terminal diagnosis. Science could not save my body, my mind, however, that was worth saving on two hundred thousand feet of dada banks. You are standing in my brain.”

“How did you get here?” Steve asked as he leaned a little closer just to look at the computer. 

“I was invited. Unlike you two.”

“Operation Paper Clip. After World War Two, SHIELD recruited German scientists with strategic value.” Nat said as she looked at the picture of himself that Zola showed on screen. A bald old man with round glasses and dead eyes.

“Very good, Natalia.”

Nat felt herself cringe at the computer voice. No one called her Natalia anymore. That was her Red Room days. A much more formal version of her name.

“One small critique, I’m Swiss.”

Steve scoffed trying to hide his annoyance. “Okay, who cares? I’m Irish, no one cares.”

Raising an eyebrow Nat looked over at a very stressed Steve.

He sighed. “My parents were immigrants. I’m second generation.”

Giving a tiny nod Nat looked back at the computer as it started to speak again.

“Hydra thought I could help their cause. I also helped with my own.”

“No…No, Hydra died with Red Skull.” Steve said finally looking back at the computer. Half growling at the old thing as he clenched his fists.

“Cut off one head, two more shall take its place.”

Nat watched Steve’s jaw clench before he spoke through gritted teeth. “Prove it.” Steve dared. Nat could hear the hurt in his voice. She wasn’t as easily convinced but she felt her heart break at Steve’s face and voice.

Technically it was true. There were still parts of Hydra that were active, after all they had worked with the Red Room. But they’d taken down the Red Room, and that was the bigger part that she knew of. She knew they were still active but it’s no way that they were as active as Zola was making it seem.

Steve didn’t need to know about the minor things of Hydra that were still lurking in the shadows, it had been something the team, Fury, and the rest of S.H.I.E.L.D decided not to tell him.

He’d fought so hard to get rid of Hydra, it would break him if he really did know.

“Accessing archives. Hydra was founded on the belief that humanity could not be trusted with its own freedom. What we did not realize was that if you try to take that freedom, they resist. The war taught us much. Humanity needed to surrender its freedom willingly. After the war, SHIELD was founded and I was recruited. The new Hydra grew. A beautiful parasite inside SHIELD. For seventy years Hydra has been secretly feeding crisis, reaping war. And when history did not cooperate, history was changed.”

There were flashes of Hydra recordings that played across the screen in quick bursts. Some even including Steve in his old suit., and other photos of Peggy and Howard at random moments. Signing papers, talking, like they had no idea what was happening to what they had created.

“That’s impossible, Shield would’ve stopped you.” Steve argued immediately when he saw the flashing images. Nat could see how tight he was holding his shield, knuckles white with nothing but pure, yet controlled anger.

But she couldn’t say anything because flashing on the screen was none other than the Winter Soldier for the briefest of moments.

“Accidents will happen.”

There was a picture of Howard Stark that flashed on screen. A cold feeling washed over the room, both Nat and Steve quiet as they looked at the face of Tony’s own father on the screen. A photo that Howard had probably taken having no idea it would later be published with the news about his death.

Then there was one of Fury’s files.

Nat felt like she was going to be sick. Her legs felt weak.

“Hydra created a world so chaotic that humanity is finally ready to sacrifice its freedom to gain its security. Once the purification process is complete, Hydra's new world order will arise.”

Nat could see the slow, boiling emotion on Steve’s face. It was a horrible mix of anger, hurt, betrayal, disbelief, and every other bad thing that had happened to them over the past few days.

“We won, Captain. Your death amounts to the same as your Life; a zero sum.”

Then, in a move even she couldn’t anticipate, Steve smashed the computer screen with his bare hand. The second he stepped back she could see his deep breathing as he stared at the shattered screen with nothing but uncontrollable anger dancing across his normally soft features.

“As I was saying…”

Just like that Zola’s face was on a monitor off to the side.

Steve looked disappointed, like he wanted to scream that this virus had multiple screens to talk out of. “What’s on this drive?” He finally demanded.

“Project Insight requires insight. So I wrote an algorithm.”

“What kind? What does it do?” Nat said, her voice desperate for anything. Any information she could find. Any answer to the million questions that were swirling in her mind. In the red room she was taught that whoever holds the most information holds the most power, and she felt completely powerless. None of these were things she knew. She knew something about everyone she’d ever met and any mission she’d ever been on. Not to mention pretty much everything about S.H.I.E.L.D.

But these were things she didn’t know at all.

“The answer to your question is fascinating. Unfortunately, you shall be too dead to hear it.”

The door behind them started to close all of a sudden, instantly Steve was tossing his shield at it, but it was too late and the door had locked close.

Instantly pulling out her phone. “Steve, we need to go now. Short range ballistic, thirty seconds, tops.” Nat said, trying to keep her voice steady. She was desperately trying to stay level headed but she couldn’t see any way out. The room felt tiny, her chest felt tight, on her missions she knew every angle and every exit. But this time was all wrong, she didn’t have an exit and she sure as hell couldn’t see a way to get the both of them the hell out before they died.

Her brain felt like it was shutting down as she looked over at the shattered computer desperately. Eventually giving up though as she looked over at Steve expectantly. She needed her captain to start giving orders. She needed Steve to save them both because for once she couldn’t think of any way out.

“Who fired it?” Steve snapped upright as he looked at her his voice going into the tone that she normally hated with a burning passion. But he stood there looking at her with this unreadable expression of guilt, pain, and pure exhaustion on his face.

“Shield…” Natasha said it quieter than she had meant, panicked. All those things that virus said about S.H.I.E.L.D were true. These people, the people she thought saved her from hell, were going to betray her, just like him, just like her soldier.

“I am afraid I have been stalling, Captain. Admit it, it's better this way. We're both of us...out of time”

Nat tools the flash drive out of the computer. She was frantically looking for some kind of exit. Something that maybe S.H.I.E.L.D had put in beforehand knowing that she and Steve would be down here. Maybe this was all one big test, the Red Room had these often so why not SHIELD. Given that apparently they’re no different.

It was all just a test, one that if she failed would only end up with the typical Red Room punishment. But Steve would be alive, unless they killed him as her punishment. She wouldn’t exactly put it past them completely.

Her breathing had quickened and her brain had been spiraling so much that she hadn't noticed that Steve had ripped off the floor grate until he yelled at her.

“Nat!” He yelled in an order, holding out his arm to her and taking a quick step closer to her.

Instantly she snapped out of it for a brief second and ran to Steve full force. The second she was close enough he wrapped one of his arms right around her middle, dragging her with him as they half fell into the hole in the floor. Steve held her close to him with one arm and a grip so tight it felt like her bones were cracking. She felt him shift his hold though and tug her head close to his chest, fisting her hair to try and protect her head. Although it felt like he was just pulling at it. She knew his shield was above the both of them, keeping both of them from being crushed by the rocks.

For the first time since Clint had gotten taken by Loki, Natasha felt truly scared and hopeless, her arms going to grab at Steve’s jacket as her head spun, everything felt like it was spinning around them.

A few minutes after the rubble was done coming down Steve let them both get up. Nat wanted to stand but the walking in the mall, not being able to elevate her leg on the dash of that car, getting pulled into a cramped space for what felt like years and one second all at once, all of it piled up and her leg gave up on her. She hated having to do so much just to keep up. Her leg was supposed to be healed.

“Son of a—” Nat yelled through gritted teeth, as she fell to the floor tumbling down all over again.

“Nat! Are you alright? Did any of it fall on you?” Steve said, dropping to the ground without hesitation, trying to half hold her up.

“My…My leg is.” Nat tried to get the words out but she couldn’t break her voice through the pain she had been ignoring for the past few days. She moved her hand up to her mouth and bit down on the sleeve of her jacket just trying not to scream and cry.

“Shh,” He cooed, like one would a child or a frightened animal. “I gotcha.” Steve continued finally, picking Nat up. Nat buried herself in Steve’s neck, trying to focus on her breathing. She would never let people get this close, she didn’t want anyone to see her like this, especially Steve, she didn’t want to be weak.

┣━━━━━━━━━━┫

The car they stole was blown up when the building was so Steve had walked the both of them till they found a small farmhouse nearby, hotwired another beat up old car before driving to this place for as long as they could. Steve buckled Nat in the backseat still but half ordered she just lay down in the back seat. He went on the hope of finding help. As far as Nat knew it, this was a friend Steve made. And one less than a hundred years old at that.

She’d seen the man briefly, Steve said his name was Sam. When Nat would pick him up from runs, Sam would always give her a smile and a wave.

After a few hours the car they stole ran out of gas, so Steve had to carry Nat the rest of the way. She would’ve protested, told him to rest, walked with one leg, anything but having Steve carry her for hours on end. But she was trying to focus on not sounding like she was in pain.

Steve did his best to knock on the door with Nat in his arms. She would’ve told him to put her down but the exhaustion that settled into her skin after the adrenaline of nearly being killed by S.H.I.E..LD wore off made it near impossible to stay awake, much less make noise that formed words.

“Hey man.” Sam’s voice was calm but also so confused.

“I’m sorry about this. We need a place to lay low.” Steve said. He sounded exhausted, his arms were shaking, and he had this look of desperation about him. Nat had never seen her Captain like this, and she never wanted to again.

She mustered all the voice she could, “Everyone we know wants us dead.” She sounded weaker than she had hoped.

There was a quiet moment but she saw Sam’s hand find Steve’s shoulder as he carefully led Steve into his house. “Not everyone.”

He had led them to a bedroom, presumably his, considering the size of the place he was staying, and walked out of the room.

Steve set Nat down on the bed gently and damn near fell on it himself. She watched with blurry vision as he tried to roll himself onto his back but Nat noticed he couldn’t lift his arms at all. He pushed himself too far, they both did. 

Nat did her best to pull him onto his back and cuddled up to his chest, he didn’t even move his arms to wrap around her, as they both passed out.

┣━━━━━━━━━━┫

Eventually she woke up alone. She could hear the faint sound of water running and got up to see what was going on. 

“Even with all that, I still think you over did it.” She heard Sam lecture her boyfriend.

“Didn’t have much of a choice, Sam.” Steve argued right back. Good to know who she’ll be writing her thank you note to once all of this was over, Sam.

Nat made it to the bathroom where she saw an almost naked Steve sitting on the counter. Hair damp from being washed recently. Shirt and pants gone and tossed to the side, dressed in only some loose boxer shorts, all kinds of scratches and bruises covering himself as he was getting his injuries checked and cleaned by Sam.

She’d seen Steve shirtless, he didn’t mind changing his shirt when he got back from runs. But this, well it was definitely a vision.

Eventually Steve looked up and saw Nat, straightening up just a little bit. “You’re awake.”

“How long was I out?” Nat asked. The sun was still out so it couldn’t have been that long.

“Not long…for what you went through.” Sam said. He looked almost nervous to answer.

“How long would that be?” Nat tried her best to sound friendly even though it worried her just a little bit.

“A short…eighteen hours.” Sam said.

Nat was stunned, speechless even. She knew a lot had happened but she thought her body would be used to a lot of bullshit happening at once by now.

“Once I’m done with him you can have the bathroom to yourself. Or if you think you’ll need help I can—” Nat cut Sam off.

“I can do it myself.” She didn’t want to be rude but in the Red Room she had been ‘helped with her injuries’ more than enough. She knew Sam was one of Steve’s friends but she didn’t want any stranger's hands close to her, ever.

“I could help.” Steve chimed in.

“Can you now?” Sam said, motioning to Steve’s numb arms. “Here’s what's gonna happen. You’re gonna go lay down and not try to overcorrect for however many minutes it takes her to clean up.”

“Sounds like I don’t have a choice.” Steve nodded along with Sam.

He was met with a “You don’t” unison from Sam and Nat.

Sam pulled his hands away from Steve eventually. “I think I'm done. Here let me help you down.” Sam said, stabilizing Steve by putting one hand to Steve’s chest, and walking the both of them out of the bathroom.

Nat hadn't failed to notice that Steve could move his arms enough to grab onto Sam’s forearms when he was getting off of the counter. His recovery time must’ve been another side effect of the serum.

She instantly took Steve’s place on the counter and was examining her very infected leg wound. The wounds on her ear and arm were fine, the one on her arm hurting a bit but nothing serious. Her leg would probably scar but what on her wasn't scarred anymore. 

After the Red Room and unknowingly Hydra, she knew she wasn’t exactly going to be a model any time soon. She cleaned her leg, and probably left teeth marks in the cloth she was biting. She didn’t want to turn on Sam’s shower at all, it wasn’t her house and she felt like she was overstepping already. So she filled the sink and washed her hair there.

Eventually she walked back with a limp to the bedroom and sat herself down by a very tired Steve, smiling when he saw her like a love sick fool.

“What’s up?” Steve asked. Damn his ability to read Nat like a book.

“When I first joined SHIELD, I thought I was going straight. I just traded in the KGB for Hydra. I thought I knew whose lies I was telling…Guess I can’t tell the difference anymore.” Nat said, on the verge of tears.

“It isn’t just you who were fooled by them. I don’t think any of us could’ve known. You saw what that computer showed, they’re good at keeping hidden. You don’t have to know everything to be useful. And you don’t have to be useful to stay by my side.” Steve comforted as he looked at her. She felt his eyes but she couldn’t look over at him, so she just looked at the floor.

Nat tried her best to hold herself together but with all of the stress, and revelations, and injuries, and that argument in the car, Nat felt a couple of tears fall down. “I’m sorry we fought in the car.” She finally said.

“Nat, let’s be honest, that was my fault too.” He leaned over gently holding her head as he pressed a quick kiss to her forehead.

“I made breakfast. Feel free to have some when you two are um…done crying.” Sam said, revealing to Nat that she wasn’t the only one crying. She looked up and there he was tearing up with that goddamn smile.

┣━━━━━━━━━━┫

“Who in Shield could launch a domestic missile strike?” Nat asked, sitting on one of Sam’s kitchen stools eating what he made, and damn was it good after the days she and Steve had.

“Pierce.” Steve said. He could mostly move his arms again so obviously that hand was shooting up for his hair between bites.

“Who happens to be sitting on top of the most secure building in the world.” Nat sighed out.

“But he isn’t working alone, Zola’s algorithm was on the Lemurian Star.” Steve wondered, trying to hint as he looked at Nat. 

“So was Jasper Sitwell.” Nat hesitated as she nodded along with Steve with what was going on and implying.

A confused look came across Steve’s face though breaking the moment. “How do the two most wanted people in Washington kidnap a Shield officer in broad daylight?” Steve asked.

“You don’t” Sam said, dropping some sort of file in front of them.

“What’s this?” Steve asked as he gestured to the papers.

Nat grabbed the file and opened it. 

“Call it a resume.” Sam stated as he leaned on the counter. 

She felt her eyes widen “Is this Bakhmala? The Khalid Khandil mission, that was you?” Nat said, impressed. “Steve, you didn’t say he was para-rescue.”

Steve took a hold of one of the photos as he looked at it all over “Is this Riley?” Steve asked, looking at the photo.

“Yeah.” Sam nodded along and Nat noticed the slight sag in his shoulders.

“I heard they couldn’t bring in the choppers because of the RPGs. What did you use, a stealth chute?” Nat asked as she tried to piece it all together on her own.

Shaking his head Sam spoke up. “Nope. These.” Sam said, dropping a file. It was labeled ‘Project Falcon’.

There was a flash of something across Steve’s face as he looked over the paper after picking up the file. “I thought you said you were a pilot?” Steve asked finally.

“I never said pilot.” Sam countered quickly.

Steve shook his head. “Sam, I couldn’t ask you to do this. You’re out, and you got out for a good reason.” Steve said, with a look of concern in his eyes.

Sam put his hands on Steve’s shoulders. “Dude, Captain America needs my help. There’s no better reason for me to get back in.”

Steve paused before smiling, “Ok. Any idea where we can get one of these things?”

“Last one’s at Fort Meade, behind three guarded gates and a twelve-inch steel wall.” Sam said, almost like he was expecting that to be a problem for them.

“Shouldn’t be a problem” Steve said, putting the file on the table, giving a smile over to Nat who sat there smiling back.

┣━━━━━━━━━━┫

Of course they were right, getting Sam’s gear had been the easiest thing that whole week, not to mention getting Sitwell on the roof was easy with a couple of little threats.

“Tell me about Zola’s algorithm.” Steve ordered as he held the front of Sitwell’s shirt and tie with a harsh grip and glare.

“Never heard of it.” Agent Sitwell said, shaking his head, only looking panicked as he looked at Steve’s hand.

“What were you doing on the Lemurian Star?” Steve asked, demanding an answer.

“I was vomiting. I get seasick easily.” The agent simply shrugged as if trying to play it off clearly.

Steve picked him up and forced him to stand on the edge of the roof of the building they were on. Gripping the front of his shirt as he shook him just a little bit.

Nat stood off to the side with her arms crossed and a smile on her face. Steve was always sweet and gentle, but seeing him like this was just a little nice.

The man scoffed but she could see the sweat dripping down the side of his bald head. “Is this little display meant to insinuate that Captain America is going to throw me off the roof? Not your style, Rogers.” The agent said.

None other than the Captain looked back at Nat. She knew what they had planned beforehand, of course. “You’re right. It’s not. It is hers though.”

As Steve said that Nat lifted herself by gripping Steve’s shoulder before swinging her foot at his chest quickly with a strong amount of force. Sending him flying off the side with a scream.

“Oh, wait. What about that girl from accounting, Laura...?” Nat asked, trying to figure out who exactly she was going to try and set up Sam with. That man was freshly out of the military and his place was honestly in desperate need of a couple throw pillows.

“Lillian?” Steve said after pausing to think for a couple of seconds. Before pointing at his own lips. “Lip piercing, right?” He asked.

Nat nodded along quickly. “Yeah, she's cute.” She said thinking about it. Her and Sam would be adorable, though she’d need Steve to ask Sam about his type more so she could make a more accurate match.

“Are we sure he even wants a girlfriend?” Steve asked as Sam put the agent back on the roof.

She nodded along before looking at Sam. “Hey, are you looking for a girlfriend?” She asked bluntly.

Sam looked over at her confused as he blinked at her before giving a look to Steve and then looking right back to Nat. “Uh, depends?”

“Got it.” She said before walking closer and grabbing onto the shaking agent's shirt pulling him close as she spoke. 

Instantly he was speaking. “Zola’s algorithm is a program for choosing insight’s targets.” All it took was one look from Nat and the agent started spilling like the rat he was.

“What targets?” Steve asked in his captain voice, stepping at Nat’s side as he stared the man down as well.

“You, a TV anchor in Cairo, the Undersecretary of Defense, a high school valedictorian, Bruce Banner, Stephen Strange, any current or future threat to Hydra.” The agent said in a panic. 

Nat felt anger boil up in her as she shook him a little when he said Bruce’s name. She’d be damned if anyone hurt the poor man. He just wanted to be a doctor. But she also wanted to ask who Stephen Strange was and why he got a name instead of a title but Steve had already spoken up.

“How could it know future threats?” Steve asked, though his voice made it sound like nothing but a pure threat.

Sitwell just laughed a little, like the other three were stupid. “How could it not? Hydra trained Zola and in turn Zola taught Hydra how to read the digital book that is the 21st century.” The agent said with pride. “You look confused. Think about it, your bank records, medical histories, voting patterns, e-mails, phones calls, even your SAT scores. Zola’s algorithm evaluates people’s past and predicts their future.”

Nat felt her body go cold, why did that sound familiar? She knew something about that. Genetic and informational compatibility to predict things. It sounded like something she knew.

“What happens after that?” Steve asked, snapping Nat out of her thoughts.

“I'm so dead.” The agent said, suddenly looking horrified as he looked at Nat’s feet.

Steve snatched Sitwell from Nat and went back to dangling him over the edge all over again. “What then?” Steve said with gritted teeth and a glare that was strong enough to make warriors cry.

“Then the insight Helicarriers scratch people off the list. A few million at a time.” The agent said quietly with wide eyes as he just stared back at Steve.

Steve gave Sam a nod, quick and silent communication. “Let's go for a little drive.” Sam said, picking the agent up by the scruff of his jacket as he pulled Sitwell with him.

Nat smiled looking over at Steve as they walked over to the stairs to follow Sam and the rat Agent. “Yeah I think Sam would get along great with Lillian.” She confirmed.

Steve looked over with a little smile. “You’re not gonna give this up, are you?”

With a look over at him as they walked down the steps Nat just shook her head at Steve. “Nope, I never get the chance to play matchmaker.”

He thought about it for a moment. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Nat said simply. “I think it’s fun.” She started to count off couples as they got to the end of the steps. “You have me, Tony has Pepper, Bruce won’t let me set him up, and Thor has Jane.”

She saw in the corner of her eye as Steve lifted his head and looked a little confused. “Wait, why don’t you set up Clint?”

Nat immediately put on her poker face before shrugging. “What do you mean?” 

Clint trusted the team of course, but for him she knew it was always different. They may be his work friends but Clint seemed to always see it as a job he could clock in and out of. Something where when he got time off work he could go back to his home and stay with his family.

“Well it’s just that you’re his best friend, and he’s yours.” Steve explained simply before continuing. “So why don’t you set him up?”

Sorry Clint, I’m gonna bring up your “hoe years".

“Because he’s a man-whore.” She said simply as she watched Sam half shove the agent out the door.

There was a shocked sound that left Steve’s mouth as he opened it to say something before shutting up. “Oh.” He finally settled on as he nodded along.

“Yeah during missions after we finished he’d normally go off and hook up with someone.” She said it like it was true as she walked to the car casually. Sliding on her sunglasses. “Not to mention how close I am with Clint, I would feel bad for any woman dating him.”

It was technically true, sort of. When she met Clint he was already married but Laura would tease him about what she called his “whore days” from before he met her. Saying that it was normal for Clint to extend time on missions just to goof off. After he met Laura all of that stopped. She was a S.H.I.L.D agent who pretty much hated it and only stayed for the insurance benefits. He just fell head over heels and next thing they knew she decided to retire from S.H.I.L.D and they were married.

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense.” Steve agreed finally. Before letting out a tiny and almost unnoticeable laugh. “That’s how I felt about any poor woman who ended up with Howard.”

She smiled back at him, she noticed how his smile didn’t meet his eyes. But she knew her smile most likely looked the same.

Getting to Sam’s car she watched as Sam opened the back left passenger seat, then the second that they were mostly behind the door, Sam gave the man a harsh shove into the seat. Before closing the door a little more gently like he hadn’t just shoved a man back in his car. He then turned to the other two with that same smile he had when handing over his resume. “Well I’m driving, who’s sitting in the back with the crazy one?”

Steve looked over at Nat and she looked back at him as they both seemed to think about it for a moment. Before Nat shrugged, moving to the back seat. “You can sit up front with Sam. I’ll sit in the back.”

Opening the door she slid in. While Steve and Sam spoke outside she noticed the Agent looked over at her like he was assessing if he could fight his way out of this. So she simply let her hand go to her hip before she pulled her gun out of her pocket. “Now Steve and Sam think you’re too valuable to die…But I don’t. I could find out everything you’ve done with time.” She said turning off the safety as she looked over at him. “I also have the money to pay if Sam needs brains cleaned out of his backseat.”

She watched as his eyes widened and he cowered a little closer to the door. With his bald head he almost looked like a scared child. 

“So you better buckle up.” She finally finished before she leaned against her seat again watching as the man scrambled for the buckle.

Sam and Steve climbed into the car shortly after that.

Chapter Text

The Winter Soldier was glad to be back with his people, he was going to finish his assignment and be done with it. Done with his targets evading death, done with his mind fighting him harder than any of his targets ever did. 

He couldn’t remember any of his targets but he knew that he had many completed assignments on his file. Vague. Vague. Goddamn Vague! Everything his mind was trying to conjure was vague. He shouldn’t have let himself indulge that night. The only thing it did was make him more confused than ever. He was to get his assignment over with and report back to Hydra.

Quickly he spotted the car his targets were in. They had two extra passengers, both seemingly men, one of them a Hydra agent. He noticed his female target’s leg. He had landed a bullet in a couple of days ago, yet it seemed almost fine. Strange, and definitely something he needed to tell Hydra about when his assignment was completed.

He’d jumped on the roof of the car. It was a black Chevrolet Impala Sedan. He knew he had seconds before his targets figured out what was going to happen. He noticed that Agent Sitwell wasn't restrained in any way. He was going willingly. He was a traitor.

The Winter Soldier figured if Sitwell had gone rogue anyway he might as well take care of the agent before he becomes Hydra’s problem. It was easier for him to do now rather than later on a different mission.

Ramming his arm through the car’s window, the Winter Soldier pulled Sitwell out of it, ripping the seatbelt and threw him into oncoming traffic. He figured it’d be a quicker end than the agent deserved. 

Why did he do that? 

That wasn’t an order. The Winter Soldier needed his mission to be over as soon as possible. Not only was he having these…thoughts and feelings. He was also acting without being ordered. He needed to rectify his mistake.

The three people inside had started to scramble around.

He pulled out his pistol and used the opening that he had made to shoot his targets. He didn’t care about getting the driver. He had already acted without being ordered once today and it cost a Hydra agent their life. Even if Sitwell was a traitor to their cause. Though the Winter Soldier had a hard time remembering what their cause even was nowadays.

In the middle of firing off half of his magazine, the car suddenly stopped and he was launched off of it and onto the road. He put his gun back in its holster while stopping himself from sliding too far away from the car. His gloves and hands gripping at the road, more force being used by his metal arm. He felt a feeling similar to how he imagined joy to be that his targets had acted exactly as planned. He had to stop thinking like this. He didn’t feel he was a weapon.

An armored van that had been sent with The Winter Soldier crashed into the back of the car, pushing it towards him. He let it get closer, and closer, and closer until he could see the driver trying to steer away from him. That’s when he jumped back onto the car and broke the, already fragile, back window. 

He could hear the sounds of the driver, a man he knew he’d probably have to get rid of as collateral, trying to get the car to break but the van was undoubtedly stronger. It was representative of Hydra as a whole, stronger than those who it was targeting. But he didn’t have time to think about that. He needed this mission over with. 

His arm broke through the windshield and tore out the steering wheel from the man’s hands. The plan was for the van to crush them into a wall and that would be the end of The Winter Soldier’s assignment. But they knew this was the best case scenario. He jumped back onto the van, being careful to land in a way that wouldn’t break any of the glass. Soft landing feet that wouldn’t leave a dent on any of Hydra’s things.

Swerving, the car had veered before it flipped. The Winter Soldier hadn't failed to notice that his two targets and their driver escaped the car before it had totaled and were sliding down the road on a shield. 

I’ve seen that shield before…

No time for that. 

He needed to focus. His targets took off running when one of his inferiors walked out of the van and handed him a Milkor MGL Mk 1L. He fired it and his male target pushed his female target out of the line of fire. The man got knocked off the highway onto a lower level, that’s good for The Winter Soldier, easier shot when a pers—weapon is shooting down, rather than up. Someone taught him that, he couldn’t remember who.

A weapon needs to be taught?

The Winter Soldier ignored this juvenile taunt from his mind and started walking to try and find where his female target ran to when his inferiors started walking behind him shooting Galil MARs. 

After thirty seconds of his inferiors shooting at her, the female looked over her hiding spot to try and shoot The Winter Soldier. He shot another grenade and exploded the car the female was hiding behind, but she had managed to avoid the blast.

How exactly she had done so, he couldn’t figure out.

His target was running on the highway parallel to the one he and his fellow Hydra members were on. No they weren’t his fellow members, they were his inferiors. As a weapon he had inferiors, that didn’t make sense. Damn it, he didn’t have time for this. Barely thinking he fired another grenade, hitting the car the female was hiding behind but still not her. He was starting to get angry that his targets were dodging him. No, he wasn't because he was a weapon who didn’t feel.

One of his inferiors handed him an M4A1 fitted with an M203PI grenade launcher. He got ready to fire at where he saw his male target when all the sudden his head was knocked back and his visor was cracked. His target hadn’t been hurt by the explosion of the car and she was shooting at him. He ducked down and stayed there for a moment. 

This mission was the most he had ever missed in his life. All his careful aiming and ammunition conservation meant nothing. He took his visor off and started rapid firing on his target. Now it was personal, and that scared him. 

Things weren’t supposed to feel personal, he wasn’t a person. The more he said it the more it sounded like he was trying to convince himself. But he shouldn’t have needed convincing of the truth. 

His mind was scrambled and he needed to be fixed but he couldn’t be fixed until he completed his mission and he couldn’t do because he wanted to and a weapon shouldn’t have wants and—

Any thoughts were cut off by the bullet that grazed his ear. It had been years since he had last bled, or maybe that was a fabrication too. He ducked down to dodge the rest of them and started firing again. Now these thoughts were distracting him mid-fight, this was getting dangerous to the mission. 

She started running again and now not only The Winter Soldier but all of his inferiors were missing shots. It was excusable for them; they were people with flaws to remove. But The Winter Soldier already had his removed when he was found and fixed by Hydra. He was starting to devolve, washing all of Hydra’s hard work down the drain. He was determined not to be a waste of effort.

“Она у меня. Найди его.” The Soldier said to one of his inferiors.

What the hell does that mean?

The Winter Soldier felt conflicted in his confusion. He knew Russian well, and still there was a feeling in his mind that said he didn’t. This parasite went beyond memories The Soldier didn’t have, now it was seeping into his abilities.

He dropped down to the lower highway and followed his female target. His inferiors dropped to the lower highway with him and started shooting at his male target. He wasn’t sure what they were doing, and he didn’t care. He had one goal in mind. Finish his assignment.

Walking down the now abandoned street, he searched for the female. There were people all over evacuating their cars. He paid them no mind, he needed to complete his assignment. Those were his orders and a functioning weapon follows the orders it’s given. The ones that don’t are faulty, and they get thrown out.

It was all almost quiet for a moment then a voice broke through. His target was hiding behind a car calling for backup. He knew she would run if given any sign The Soldier was there, so he tried a less noisy method. He took out one of his explosive devices and angled it to where it would roll under a few cars, right to where his target was.

An explosion happened before he had set his device off. Before he could go investigate his target had thrown herself at him.

It didn’t give him any time at all to question how she had shown back up and just avoided the explosion as she kicked the gun out of his hands and used a wire to try and choke him. He was able to easily throw her off and onto another car. 

The Winter Soldier picked up his gun and before he could even aim his target had thrown some sort of electric disk that made his metal arm malfunction before she ran away. He tore the disk off, ashamed at how close he was to completing his assignment and then failing at the last opportunity presented.

He fired at her while she was running and hit her this time. The female had hidden behind another car after she got shot. He jumped on top of a car, his shot was lined up, his target had nowhere to run…when suddenly…

Please don’t! Not her! Anyone but her.

This intrusion in his mind made him blackout for long enough that his male target had enough time to run up to him. The Winter Soldier tried to punch his target but was met with a shield. That shield made him hesitate on the road, it must be the thing that made him do it again. He tossed it aside and kicked his target onto the road before opening fire on the male. It was blocked by that shield. 

When his gun ran out of ammunition The Winter Soldier threw it and started shooting at his target with a Sa vz. 61 Skorpion. Nothing hit his target and as quickly as he started shooting with it he got it kicked out of his hand. 

The Winter Soldier switched to his pistol before its ammunition ran out and he had to switch to close quarters combat. He had blocked most of what his target threw at him before taking the male's shield and fighting with it.

He threw it at his target, with it landing in a nearby truck, this was fine with The Winter Soldier.  The goal wasn’t to hit his target with that throw. He just needed that shield out of his way. 

Next he had pulled out one of his knives and started fighting with it. His target clearly knew his way around a fist fight. He wondered how many this man must’ve been in, he was a celebrity-hero after all. Steve Rodgers, Captain America…

A damn good friend. 

The Winter Soldier had let himself get distracted for far too long. This earned him a punch in the face and a spinning kick right into the side of a car. Before he could recover the male's knees were on his chest. It felt like a rib had been put out of place but he had been distracted enough for one day.

He blocked the next punch and threw a few back. He was knocked to the ground but instantly got back up and started choking his target. He could’ve used his metal hand to crush his target's windpipe, he could’ve completed his assignment

Please Stevie…don’t let me beat you, please.

…but that feeling that started in the back of The Winter Soldier’s mind and hasn’t stopped growing since. That feeling that turned into a voice had turned into a parasite controlling his body.

The Winter Soldier threw his target instead of killing him and getting it over with. He tried to punch the male but he missed and his target got back up and started fist fighting him again. He pulled another one of his knives out and kicked his target back into a van as he tried to go in for the kill. He missed and ended up just cutting a line through the van. 

His target suplexed him and grabbed his shield just in time for the two to start fist fighting again. He was trying everything to stab, punch, hell even scratch his target but yet the man was figuring out The Winter Soldier’s fighting patterns.

Eventually The Winter Soldier was thrown onto the road, his mask popping off his face suddenly as he stood on his own two legs, shaking off the feeling of having just been knocked down.

It was quiet for a moment, a peaceful and beautiful kind that he had never known as he looked back at the man in front of him. Everything was always so loud, but it was like everything had just…stopped.

That's when his target spoke up in a voice that sounded like it was teetering on the edge of shattering,  “Bucky?”

Steve! Stevie, I'm right here!

There was that voice again. It reacted to that name. He kept hearing that name, he needed to know, “Who the hell is Bucky?” There was no emotion behind it though as he felt the man just stare back at him wide eyed.

The Winter Soldier didn’t realize he had asked that out loud until he saw his target’s face. He lined up to shoot when he got kicked to the ground from behind. When he wiped his head back to look he saw the other man that had been driving, only now he had metal wings attached to his back.

But then he looked back and suddenly so many memories were rushing back into his head. The apartment, the draft, his sister, his commander, his lover. 

He knew exactly who Bucky was.

But that was impossible. The Winter Soldier didn’t have a name, or a life, he was a weapon. Those memory fragments that he stupidly allowed himself to imagine weren’t supposed to be real. They were just perversions of things he had seen researching for assignments. Imagining himself as a protagonist in these tales he created. But if he was a weapon how would he be able to create them at all?

This was so confusing. His thoughts were racing a hundred kilometers per hour. His head was throbbing and he was fading out and in hearing some voice trying to scream, and fight, and claw its way out of his head.

The Winter Soldier realized how long he had been standing there, just barely up and ready to attack as he held his gun up. But before he could aim to shoot, one of his grenades had been fired at him.

Of course in the chaos he’d forgotten about the red headed woman. And now he’d pay for it with a failed mission.

He ran back to the van in the aftermath of the grenade explosion. His head felt like it was splitting in two. That voice had started coming out of his mouth. He needed to be fixed. He had failed this assignment. He just needed Hydra to fix him, to make him work again, to make him useful again. 

The Winter Soldier focused all his strength and energy into not letting the parasite front in his body. But the parasite was working just as hard to get out and try and keep The Soldier in the back of the mind.

He needed to be fixed, because something was wrong with him.

┣━━━━━━━━━━┫

There were all of these quick flashes, a doctor, blood, his arm getting cut off, Steve, a fall…all nonsense. Nothing clear, nothing worth his head feeling like his eyes were being pushed into his brain.

By the time The Soldier had his own mind back he was in the med bay with guns pointing at him. There was a doctor slumped against the ground and a broken wall behind him. Did The Soldier do that? No, it had to have been the parasite. He needed to be fixed, now.

The Soldier could feel his control over the body fading again. Whoever this parasite, this Bucky person was, it needed to be eradicated.

Everything was blurring again, the rooms dull colors seeming to all mild into an awful dark gray color. Someone walked in and said something, he didn’t understand what was going on. He hadn't met his male target before this assignment, so how could he have all these memories with him. 

Suddenly his head was knocked to the side with a sting, he had been smacked. His vision came back, it was Alexander Pierce, Hydra’s highest commander. Finally, someone who would help him make sense of all of this turmoil and pain. He could finally get fixed.

But there was a part of him who hated this man and everything he stood for. Something deep down that seemed to shake inside his bones. No, no it couldn’t be a part of The Soldier this had to be the parasite now crafting stories about the present.

“The man on the bridge…Who is he?” The Soldier asked. He needed to know more than a name. He needed to know how this one man could take apart his whole identity and bring this vile degeneracy out of him.

“You met him earlier this week on another assignment.” Pierce said. That wasn’t good enough for The Soldier. There was no way this man was just some person he met on a different assignment. He had to be more important than that. Was The Soldier questioning his highest commander to his face? What the hell was wrong with him? He wasn’t just The Soldier anymore, this parasite had infected his whole mind and now, whoever Bucky was, started merging the two consciousnesses as if The Soldier were just a drop of water in the ocean that was his mind…

“I knew him.” The Soldier spoke, his words didn’t feel like his own though. It sounded rough and his throat felt like sandpaper as he spoke.

“Your work has been a gift to mankind. You shaped the century, and I need you to do it one more time.” Pierce said as he put his hand on the metal arm. He wanted to slap that hand away but a cold wall of fear stopped him. 

It wasn’t like he could feel the hand on his metal arm. 

Wait, when did he lose his arm? Where was he? Why is he surrounded by Hydra? Wait, what’s Hydra? 

There was a part of him knew and a part of him that had been asleep for a long time, something deep that was only now getting back up and out of the ice.

“Society is at a tipping point between order and chaos. Tomorrow morning we’re gonna give it a push. But, if you don't do your part. I can’t do mine, and Hydra can’t give the world the freedom it deserves.” Pierce’s voice spoke like a lecture.

Bucky didn’t know what was going on but he did know that there were men with guns and that he was in enemy territory. So he did his best to play along with what he thought they were expecting him to do, “But I knew him.” He finally said, his voice more firm than before.

“Prep him.” Pierce said.

Bucky felt his body go cold. He hated this part. He hated the cold metal and the piece they made him bite. It was the only part he ever remembered after they did whatever they did.

Because then everything was gone all over again. Years of memories, missions, and training. He had just started to remember things. A man in uniform, a family, a group of men laughing…and…Natalia.

Oh god no, please no. I want to keep it, I can't just forget it all again.

He could feel his body completely frozen but his mind was racing, there was no way for him to run out of here because all the exits were blocked and he’d be shot down in seconds. It was a cold fear, one that felt like he was under ice water and it was all just filling his lungs.

“He’s been out of cryo-freeze for too long.” Somebody said, but the voice sounded blurry, like it was all above the water.

Cryo-freeze? 

That's when Bucky noticed how long his hair was. He could feel it, tangled and on his neck. How long had it been since he had been awake and in his own body? Was it even the same year? He didn’t recognize any of the technology in the room. He couldn’t do it all over again. New memories in replacement of old ones.

“Then wipe him and start over.” Pierce said, cutting off Bucky’s spiral.

Bucky’s memories were scattered and hitting the walls of his mind like a bullet ricocheting inside a tank, but somewhere in his jumble of memories he knew what was about to happen when the bastard said ‘wipe’. He knew he was going away again and he knew it was going to hurt. 

He wanted to run, fight, scream, express his will in any way…but he couldn’t. It became clear to him that this had happened many times before when his mouth opened for the teeth guard on instinct. 

When he was pushed back into the chair and strapped in he wanted to push back, bite hit, or anything else. But there was no way out now. He was begging for someone to burst through that door. To rip the straps off his arms and carry him out of there. He wanted to see Steve again. Hold him close and put a hand in that stupid blonde hair just to keep him close.

Right as the machine made contact all his memories came rushing back. His sister, Steve and that shitty apartment they shared, how he was drafted, kidnapped, and turned into some machine, his Natalia who he’d hurt all over again when he wasn’t in control, then there were the faces, the faces of all of the people he had killed.

Every feeling of love, joy, loss, grief, pride, fear, hatred, relief, boredom, everything he had pushed down for however long as The Winter Soldier. The pain of all of it fighting to come back as it was being erased made Bucky feel like he was dying. It was like falling off of that train all over again, but it was a million times worse. 

Bucky was fading.

Please. Please, I can’t do this again. I just came back.

He was so scared, he didn’t want to go through it all again. He didn’t want to hurt people anymore. He just wanted to go home. He wanted to crawl into his bed in his shitty apartment with his girl in his arms. No that was wrong, the apartment was where the blond and he lived. Where did he live when he was with Natalia? 

All he wanted was for it to just end.

The Winter Soldier couldn't see anything…he couldn’t feel the pain anymore…everything was going black for…him. What was his name? 

That’s when he heard muffled screaming. He didn’t recognize that it was him until he stopped. 

“Who are you?” The man asked. He looked important but there wasn’t a firm reason why that was the case.

“I…don’t…” He couldn’t think. He wanted to answer but he didn’t know. Everything in his mind and body felt wrong. Like they weren’t in the right place.

“I’m Alexander Pierce. You’re The Winter Soldier. You’re a weapon Hydra created for our mission to bring freedom to the world.” Alexander Pierce hummed out with a small smile.

“I am…a weapon. I am The Winter Soldier.” The Winter Soldier spoke mechanically.

“Good boy.” Alexander Pierce said, putting a hand on The Winter Soldier’s metal arm.

The Winter Soldier grabbed Alexander Pierce’s hand and bent it behind Alexander Pierce's back on instinct.

“Stand down Soldier, you work for me.” Alexander Pierce said. The Winter Soldier quickly let go of the hand and let himself be carried to a machine. He stood in the cylinder and stood on a platform. His body felt cold and right before everything went black, he heard a voice.

“We’ll bring him back to finish off the Captain.”