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Chapter Text

 Azula woke up. She should not be waking up. Because no one should wake up after being thrown off a mountain. And because everything felt wrong. She could not see. Her head hurt like something was splitting it open from inside. Everything hurt. Everything was not where they should be. It felt like her whole arm was torn off and replaced with her legs. And her waist was twisted back to front. And then there was the voice. It was high and low, and grisly and tinny all at the same time. It said she should not be waking up. Azula believed it. Then she felt a new sensation on her lips; something smooth and cool and hollow. The same voice, still too tinny, too grisly said to take a deep breathe. Azula tried. She could not. It felt like her lungs were already full nothing could come in. Still the voice kept pushing, and Azula kept trying.

 Azula woke up. Again. She knew she woke up because she could tell there was light. Dim, and faded, like she was looking outside through a thick curtain. She tried moving, but nothing happened. Her whole body felt like it was tied up. Even her fingers and her toes. And then there was the pain. She could not tell which part of her was in pain. She felt the pain in her legs, but they felt like they were on her shoulders. Her lungs were still full. She knew because she kept panting. She could not tell how long she had been awake. Then she heard. A creak and what sounded like a curtain was being pulled, Then she saw the eyes. Dark grey, surrounded by some pronounced wrinkles. 

“You, are a very stubborn patient.” The voice was still growly and tinny to her, but she could at least hear the man clearly. Then she felt the same smooth and cold sensation on her lips. “Deep breath.” Azula tried. She choked. Again, it felt like her lungs were replaced by rocks. They refused to take in air. “I know it’s hard, but you need to take a deep breath. You should not be waking up.” So Azula tried. Again. And again. And again.

 Azula woke up. She could clearly see the top of the room now. All brown and grey from the hard clay and dried leaves. Her head had stopped felt like it was being split open now, though the pain was still there. Her whole body was still in pain, but at least everything felt like where they should be. Her legs were her legs, and her arms were arms again. She still could not move. Then she heard the creak again. And the curtain being pulled. Azula had to close her eyes for a moment, and slowly opened them again to let her eyes get use to the sudden light.

”Ah, I was wondering when you would wake up again. You are as punctual as ever.” Then she felt the same smooth and cold sensation on her lips. Like last time. Azula tried to shook her head, but she could not. “It is time for you to wake. This is a reduced dosage. It should numb the pain, just enough to prep you up.” Azula sighed. It could be a trick to keep her sleeping for all she knew, but there was nothing else she could be doing. So she breathed. It was better than the last time, but still not deep enough. She could not tell if it actually did something. She was still in pain.

 There was movement around her now. She felt something rustled, and slithered above her head. Then she felt the arm behind her shoulders. “I’m going to put you up now. Grit your teeth or you’ll bite your tongue off.”

 Azula was not prepared for the sharp pain on her spine as the man moved her. She was panting, fast and desperate when it was finally over. When the pain finally dulled, she found her breathing was better. Not good. Not normal. Just… better. She finally raised her head, and found the man, already sitting beside her bed, looking at her. 

 He looked like he was in his early sixties, with greying hair and a fistful of beard under his chin. He had a soft smile. He raised a finger when Azula was about to open her mouth. “I know you have a lot of questions, but those are not important to you right now.” He brought a bowl towards her, spooned some of the broth, and raised it to her lips. “Small sips, not all at once. We need to get your body use to food again.” When Azula did nothing, he sighed. “I will allow you one question today. Think about what you want to ask while you eat.”

 Azula sipped on the broth, which tasted too much like water to be called broth, in silence. Her eyes never left the man’s, as he kept bringing the spoon to her lips. Her mind raced, thinking what she wanted to ask him. When she finally felt like she would vomit, she shook her head, signalling him she had had enough. She still had no idea what to ask him. 

“How long?” Azula croaked. Her throat felt raw, and scratchy, like she had swallowed rocks and sand during her fall. She probably did. 

 The man looked at her for a moment, before he sighed. “Eight months.” 

 Azula’s breath lodged in her throat. Eight months. She was… unconscious for eight months. A few more weeks and she’d be like a new baby coming out of her mother’s womb. She couldn’t move, she needed to be fed, she might as well be. Azula did not know what to think. So she didn’t. She kept staring at the blanket, covering her whole body up until her stomach. She did not know how long she stayed like that, when she felt the squeeze on her shoulder. The bowl he had earlier was gone, so he probably left her alone for some time. “Who are you?” He sighed.

“Do you not understand what the word ‘one’ means?” She scowled, or at least, tried to. He sighed again, more annoyed this time. “Very well. I am Li Shen, a doctor. I found you eight months ago at the foot of the mountain, already half-dying. I nursed you back to health, which was not an easy feat, because you, are a very uncooperative patient. I could write a book about the extensions of your injury and the treatment I had to do, and it would be advancing Ba Sing Se’s medical knowledge about the limit of human bodies forward by five years. In fact, I did write a book about the extensions of your injuries and the treatments I had to do, and it will be pushing Ba Sing Se’s medical knowledge about the limit of human bodies forward by five years. I’m going to examine your arms now, and you will be quiet, or you will vomit blood.” 

 Azula had to clench back her already opened jaw. 

“You felt the squeeze earlier?” She nodded. Then he moved lower, to her bicep. He didn’t ask a question, and gave her a look instead. Another nod. Then he moved to her elbow. Another nod. Her forearm. A nod. Her wrist, her palm, her fingers. Nodnodnod. They repeated everything for her left arm. “Seems like your arms should be fine. Move a finger for me.” Azula stared at him, and tried moving her index finger. Nothing happened. She tried harder. Still nothing happened. So she tried harder.

 Her finger bent.

 Azula screamed.

 It felt like she was back in the black, when she registered the soothing circles on her back. Li Shen’s voice was close to her ear now. “It’s okay. You’re okay. The first one is always the hardest. Look at your fingers.” Azula blinked her tears away, and looked through blurry vision. Her fingers were moving now. Erratic, unstable, stiff. Painful . But they were moving. “Keep on moving them. When you’re bored, try rolling your wrists. You know the rest.” Li Shen was already moving towards the door, when Azula called for him.

“Wait.” She hated how her voice sounded to her. Li Shen stopped, and looked at her. “Your book. I want to read it.” He raised an eyebrow. “I need to know.” He sighed.

“Fine. I’ll come back in a few more hours to check on you. I’ll explain the major ones myself. You should get some rest.” It was Azula’s turn to raise an eyebrow at him. “You don’t have to sleep. You just have to rest.”

 He left, and Azula was alone again; to wiggle her fingers and roll her wrists and make some fists, like a child who had only found out about her own hands.

 ***

“There. Can you feel it?”

 Azula felt a lot of things. Mostly pain. Since she woke up, she had felt all kinds of pain, from dull to sharp, to piercing to searing, all over her body. Right now, she felt the tug on her right shoulder, as Li Shen moved her palm, spread flat over her head, searching for the area where she had split her head open. Azula said nothing when she registered that her hair had grown about an inch past her fingers. The man had shaved her head when he was treating her. Apparently, to a doctor, life was much more valuable than honor. She supposed she should be mad at him, but then again, she never cared that much about honor. Not now at least. So she kept wiggling her finger around the area, when she finally registered the unnatural bump slightly to the left side of her crown. She nodded. She felt the thin scar of the healed stitches, but the hard,  shallow bump around it seemed more interesting to her. 

 “Swelled bone?” Azula said, frowning. She knew bones don’t swell, but it was the only thing she could think of.

 Li Shen gave the infuriating smile he had given her since the morning, like he knew something she didn’t, which he probably did, but still. He let go of her arm, and waited for Azula to return it back on her lap. “Hammered coins. There are three in there. Tried to make them fit your skull as much as I could.” Azula’s breath hitched. She realized her jaw had dropped, when he gently pushed it back up. “I told you, your injuries and treatments had pushed my, and Ba Sing Se’s medical knowledge forward by five years. I wasn’t joking.” He paused. “I used gold coins though, if that is your concern.” That , Azula knew, was a joke.

“Is it even safe?”

“Still too early to say. But gold doesn’t rust, so…” He shrugged.

 Azula had to stop thinking for a moment, and let the fact settle in. She was carrying gold coins within her. She chuckled. “Did you use them somewhere else?” Li Shen raised his eyebrows.

“There’s one here,” he tapped her left bicep, “and three more in your legs. You are officially the wealthiest person in Sako right now.”

“Yes, and I only need to bring a really sharp knife when I go to the market.” Azula huffed. She eyed the thick book Li Shen had smashed on the nightstand beside her bed earlier; tentatively called ‘The Resilience of Human Body: A Medical Journal’. How maudlin. “What else should I know?”

 Li Shen took her right arm again, and pressed her palm to her left chest. “Between your third and fourth ribs.” She felt the traces of gash, and the dent the size of her thumb. “Take a deep breath.” Azula tried, and failed. It was better than when she tried in the morning, but still not quite there. “The broken ribs had punctured your lung. It had collapsed for quite some time before I could get to it… you won’t be able to breathe as deep as you used to.” The implication was not lost on her. No breath. No air. No fire.

“How… much is left?”

 Another shrug. “You’d be lucky if you can get half.” Less than half, then.

“Anything else?” 

“This is going to hurt for a bit.” Azula had lost the will to care. She was already in pain ever since she woke up. She would only have half the fire she used to, at best. What else could go wrong? 

 For the third time that evening, Li Shen took her arm in his hand, and gently twisted it towards her back.”Trace your spine for me.” Azula did. She started from the center of her back, agonizingly moving her arm downwards, until she felt the shift when she reached the small of her back. She frowned. Li Shen’s eyes had lost their earlier sheen as he looked at her, and Azula wished she could burn the pity out of him. “Your spine had twisted during your tumble. You should be fine for normal activities, but a hard and sudden impact could throw it off completely. You won’t be able to move for the rest of your life.”

“Sudden impact, like being thrown off a mountain?” Azula said, through gritted teeth.

“Being thrown off a mountain, jumping a chasm,” he paused, and Azula knew he was about to break her heart, the only thing she had left that was intact. “Shooting lightning from your fingers.”

 Azula tasted blood. Li Shen sighed. 

“And lastly,” he gently squeezed the area below her right knee, “the bones here had shattered quite a bit, so I had to permanently remove some of them. You will have a limp for the rest of your life.”

“What’s the difference between having a limp, and unable to move for the rest of my life?” Azula had stopped making eye-contact with him, as she tried to focus on the door instead. She failed. Her vision was blurry.

“You can shit by yourself with just a limp.”

 Azula raised her eyebrows, as she tried to blink away the sting behind her eyes. “I’d like to be alone please.”

“Yeah, it’s late. Try to get some more rest tonight.” She felt the squeeze on her shoulder, and heard the creak of the door.

 ***

 It was night. Azula knew night had come, because it was dark, and her blue flame burned bright on her palm. Her flame was still so intense, so hot, and so, so small. She had tried earlier, to feed the fire, to make it as big as her head, before she choked. She felt her inner flame flickered when she tried to push more chi into her flame. She tried to make her signature fire knife, and it only extended a meager three inches from the side of her palm. She turned it into fire claws, which burned hot half an inch past each finger. She turned her fire into a dragon, a phoenix, a paper boat. And everything was so, so small. 

 She was Princess Azula of the Fire Nation, wielder of blue flame, conqueror of Ba Sing Se. She was born lucky. Many people saw her blue flame, and agreed. Many people conveniently ignore the hours, days, weeks, months… years she spent just perfecting one kata.

 If only Azula was born so lucky…  

 ***

 For three days Azula woke up and wiggled her fingers and stretched her arms while she waited for Li Shen to help her relieve herself and feed her tasteless broth. At night, when the sun went down and she was supposed to rest, Azula bent fire, pulsing blue and small on her palm, and stared at it. She only realized she had fallen asleep when she woke up the next day. 

 On the fourth day after waking up, instead of the bowl of tasteless broth, Li Shen placed a small table in her bed, a bowl of rice porridge, and a cup of hot tea on it. Azula scowled. Then she looked at him. Li Shen said nothing, and gestured to the bowl instead. Her fingers were stiff and incapable of more fine movement, so Azula made do by holding the spoon in a death grip as she shoved the equally tasteless porridge into her mouth. He left after confirming she could actually feed herself.

 Azula was just finishing her tea when Li Shen came back, dragging a wooden chair(?) behind him. He placed it beside her bed, where Azula could see that it was a four-legged crutch. “Take your time. Whenever you’re ready,” he said, before taking the table, with the bowl and the cup, and left her again. She did not look at the crutch for a second time for a few more days.

 She was staring at her flame again, just as she had done for the past few nights, when she saw the crutch from the corner of her eyes. Azula put out her fire, and the thing somehow glowed in the dark. Then she realized it was the light from the moon, seeping in from the window at just the right angle. She scowled, and clenched her teeth and tasted blood. She had been doing that a lot lately. Then she felt her breath shortened, laboured. She placed her palm on her chest, and took a deep breath. She failed, of course. Fuck it.

 Slowly, painfully, Azula moved towards the edge of the bed. Her feet dangled over, barely touching the cold floor. She grabbed the crutch, pushed on it a few times to make sure it could support her, wiggled her toes a few times, and stood.

 Azula wanted to scream. 

 She did scream, she thought, when she felt the scratch in her throat. Her body just failed to give it voice. The crutch stood. Her shoulders and elbows trembled, as she tried to keep herself up. Her stomach and back burned. She was heaving. Then she remembered Li Shen’s voice. First one is always the hardest.

 It was the middle of the night. She was alone. Azula took her first step after eight months.

 When she woke up, her back was burning. Azula rubbed her eyes with the heel of her palms, then she realized only the upper-half of her body was on the bed. Her feet were planted firmly on the floor. She groaned, as she gently massaged her spine, and stretched her arms, and reached for the crutch, and dragged herself to the small bathroom at the end corner of the room. Then, she started walking, pacing, limping through the room again. She was halfway through the room for the second time, when the door creaked open, and Li Shen entered. She stopped as they made eye contact.

 Li Shen smiled.

 Azula scowled.

 And Li Shen went back out.

 He returned a few minutes later, and set a normal table at the other corner, away from the bathroom. He placed some bowls and plates with food, and a tea set on it. He finished with two chairs opposite each other. He sat in one, and gestured at the other to her. Azula stared for a moment, before she moved towards the table. 

 Li Shen poured some tea for both of them, as Azula massaged her sore legs. She took a sip of the bitter tea, and looked at her lunch. There was a bowl of real rice on her side, with some broth in another smaller bowl, a set of chopsticks, and a spoon. There was a large plate of boiled cabbages and some salted fish that they would share at the center of the table. Peasant food. Silently, Li Shen started eating. Azula did the same. She tried using the chopsticks, but changed them with the spoon in frustration when she failed to pick up any rice with them. 

 It was the best meal Azula had ever eaten.

 It was her body’s natural reaction, after eight months of nothing, and weeks of nothing but tasteless broth and gruel. She knew that. But the cabbages should not taste that sweet, and the fish was so rich her tongue was licking the inside of her mouth after she had swallowed. Azula felt the burn behind her eyes, as she chewed, as the taste of the rice blended together with the sweetness from the cabbage, and complemented perfectly by the fish. She could not tell why, but her tears flowed freely from her eyes. It could be the reaction from her body, being satisfied after craving for some real food for so long. It could be because she had finally realized that her bending would never be the same, that her life would never be the same as before. Or it could be because she had woken up, after eight months of fighting for her life, alone, with a stranger that had shown her more kindness than anyone else ever did. More than she ever deserved. So she let her tears flow, as she continued eating. 

 If Li Shen heard her sobs, or saw her tears, he said nothing.

 ***

 The world moved on. The world did not wait for her when she was asleep for eight months, and the world would not wait for her while she learned how to walk again.

 Two months had passed since Azula reached for the crutch. Her muscles had been building steadily. Her basic mobility had come back. She could limp her way through her room, through the house, to the garden outside if she wanted to. Her body was still in pain. Less than when she had woken up, but still in pain. It would never go away for as long as she lived, Li Shen had said, but her body would find a way to adjust, a way to live with the pain, and she would feel it less and less as time moved on, but it would persist. 

 Azula had started rising with the sun again. She brought herself outside, and started on her basic katas again. She was sloppy, she knew that. Her muscles, especially on her bad leg and on her back, screamed in pain as she tried to perfect one move, before moving to the next. She had to start from the basics all over again. And Azula welcomed it, like embracing an old friend. Being thrown off a mountain and unconscious for eight months would never win against ten years worth of conditioning. The summer’s sun had started to shine, bright and hot, when Li Shen showed himself at the front door and called her for breakfast. Azula finished her morning katas with a deep breath, as deep as she was allowed to, and limped back inside.

 Azula took her seat as Li Shen poured some tea. He was about to take a sip when she asked him one of the questions she had been dying to ask since she woke up. “Why did you save me that day?” Li Shen stopped. He looked at her, contemplating. The man was an enigma. Sometimes he would just go and do the thing she was struggling with, like washing and dressing herself when she just woke up, or when she was trying to reach the tea leaves they stored in the upper pantry inside the kitchen. Other times, he watched silently, sometimes smiling, usually frowning, when she was heaving after her ‘walks and training’. The frowns were always followed with a check of her body. A tug here, a massage there. And almost always followed by a shake of his head while he walked away. For all her boast about being a people’s person, Azula could never get a clear read on him. He could be as still as a statue when he wanted to. “I read your book cover to cover, twice. The best doctor in Ba Sing Se would tie a red band on my arm, and give me poppy extracts if they’re feeling generous. The best healer in Agna Qel’a would lull me to sleep and leave me be. No one in their right mind would even try what you did.”

 He kept staring at her, before taking a sip from his cup. “How’s your leg?” Azula raised her eyebrow, and gave him a pointed look. He exhaled the heat from the tea, “first of all, I know for a fact that the best healer in Agna Qel’a would never leave you alone while you still have breath. And I’m asking because I think we should take a walk after this. I’ll answer you when we get there, and it’ll do you some good to walk further than my front gates once in a while.” He took another sip, and raised his chopsticks. Azula only looked as he placed a piece of grilled chicken in her bowl, and nodded.

 Li Shen had removed the head of an old broom they had lying around, and let Azula use the staff as a crude walking cane. He also replaced her patient robe with a simple sleeveless tunic and loose pants,  the legs tied around her calves to ease her walk. She was able to dress herself now, but putting on the shoes was impossible. Her spine was still too stiff and her legs won’t bend that deep. She pressed the cane to the floor a few times, hoping the thing won’t crumble from her weight, and followed Li Shen out.

 Sako was a quaint little village at the border of Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom. It was one of the few places the Earth KIngdom was able to take from the FIre Nation, about twenty years back. Li Shen seemed to be well-respected here. As soon as they left the gates, he was greeted by a middle-aged man, skin dark from field work, with gratitudes and some fruits from the basket on his back. Li Shen refused, saying he had somewhere to go. The man smiled, and gave Azula a polite nod, before continuing on his way. They walked slowly, no because Azula was limping and her legs were killing her, but because Li Shen had to stop and personally greet everyone that greeted him. Children, old people, and everyone in between, seemed to make it their mission to make them walk as slowly as possible. It was already midday when they arrived at their destination; a graveyard. Li Shen sat in front of one of the many standing stones, hands pressed together in a silent prayer. Azula stood slightly behind him.

“My grandfather, he was also a doctor, during your grandfather’s time.” Azula tried to focus on the writing on the stone, now faded by time, but failed. She took another step back, and focused on Li Shen instead. “He was one of the best doctors at the time, everyone said. One day, he was summoned to Caldera, to help with your fathers’ birth. Apparently, it was a difficult pregnancy, for Fire Lady Ilah and the baby. When everyone else seemed to have already given up on them, he did what no one else could even think of.” Li Shen stood up and turned around to face her. “He cut her belly open, and saved both the baby and the mother.”

 Azula never heard of this story. She could barely remember her grandmother. “Must’ve received quite the reward.”

“He did. For saving his wife and his son, the Fire Lord blinded both of his eyes and cut off his tongue.” Azula’s jaw slacked open. Her eyes went wide; they would pop off their sockets if they could. Li Shen only smiled at her. A sad one, that she had never seen before. “The royals, they believed their body was sacred, and anyone that put even one scratch on them should receive death.”

 Azula scoffed. “What a load of komodo-rhino dung. That achieves nothing, and assures the next person tending them to give up halfway. This is what happens when idiots stumble into power.”

 Li Shen chuckled. “I thought you’d say that. Come. We should go sit. You have been standing for quite some time now.” He led her towards the edge of the graveyard, widened his stance, and flick his wrists. A decent size rock rose from the ground just a few feet away. Azula scowled.

“You’re an earthbender.”

“I thought that was obvious.” Li Shen pointed at the rock with his chin. “How did you think I moved you here?” He sat, not waiting for her.

 Azula followed. She took her place beside him and started massaging her thighs.

“After that, my grandfather couldn’t practice anymore, so he had to call my father from Ba Sing Se, and took some students to continue his work here. In his free time, he wrote a book, detailing what he had done with the birth.” Azula had to stop what she was doing, and gave him a questioning look. He had that smug, infuriating smile again. “Took my father and grandmother a year to interpret his hums and grunts just to get started. And life moved on. When he was on his deathbed, one of his students asked, knowing what he knows, what the Fire Lord would do to him, would he still save the Fire Lady and the prince? He didn’t even hesitate.”

‘Why?” Azula had completely stopped what she was doing, paying close attention to Li Shen now. He was still smiling. 

“Because he was a doctor. A doctor saves lives.”

“You’re not making any sense. He lost his sight, and speech, just for doing the right thing. If he could prevent it, why wouldn’t he?”

 Azula couldn’t tell when it changed, but Li Shen’s smile turned into one with a soft fondness, one she had never seen before, from anyone. She tried to imagine Azulon, or Ozai, or even Iroh giving her the same smile, but she couldn’t. “Because you are focusing on what he lost, instead of what he had achieved. In a single night, he had pushed the boundary of medicinal knowledge further than anyone had ever done at the time. It has been thirty, thirty five years since they wrote the book. How many mothers and babies do you think have been saved in that time? One man’s sight and speech are cheap for that.”

“Only for the babies to grow up and die in war instead.”

 He shrugged.

“You asked me why I saved you. Believe me, it was not from the kindness of my heart. And it’s not just me that saved you. No one has ever thought to use gold coins inside the body to hold fragmented bones in place. How many soldiers do you think will be saved just from this knowledge alone? The longest case of sleeping death was just over five weeks. I read five completely unrelated books and ignored half of what I already know to keep you alive. You fought for eight months. You wanted to live. You saved yourself as much as I did. If you still have breath, it is not my decision to leave you to die.”

 Azula’s jaw clenched. Her teeth hurt. There were hot tears pooling at the corner of her eyes. She wanted to live. “My fa– Ozai. Did he win?”

“No. He lost to the Avatar. They took his bending away. I’d imagine he’s being imprisoned somewhere.” Li Shen stood, and dusted himself a few times. “I need to visit some patients later. You know the way home?”

 Azula raised her eyebrows to answer. She looked as Li Shen’s back grew smaller, and disappeared beyond the bend. Then she looked at the graveyard, towards Li Shen’s family gravestone, where his grandfather laid. Then she thought of him, who had saved her grandmother and her father. She thought of her grandfather, who had rewarded the man by taking his sight and made him mute. She thought of her father, who threw her away to die. After all those talks about fear and strength and weakness, only to be bested by a twelve-year-old boy and get his bending taken away.

 Azula didn’t know if she should laugh or cry.

 ***

 It started on a whim. Azula was just coming back from her morning walk, because she could not actually run, to some wails and shouts from the house. Except for some severe or urgent cases, Li Shen usually visited his patients at their home. When she opened the door, there was a woman there, with a visibly pregnant belly, crying while looking intently at the living room table where they eat. There was a boy, lying on the table, where they eat, face flushed red, panting like he also had his lungs punctured by splintered bones. Li Shen was selecting some herbs from his stash, placing them into the mortar for mixing. There was a sense of urgency on his face that she had never seen before. Azula approached slowly.

“What’s wrong with him?”

“HIgh fever.” Li Shen did not spare her a glance.

 Azula was about to walk into her room like she always did whenever there was a patient there, but she paused, for some reason. A whim. She looked at the mother, young, already pregnant with another child, hair tangled wildly from her messy bun. She had a longer look at the boy, so small he didn’t even fill the whole table. She looked at Li Shen, silently muttering something on his lips as his eyes hunted for the correct grass. She moved to the table and placed her palm on the boy’s belly.

 He was hot. Hotter than anyone should be. His chi pathways were burning. High fever. Azula might have lost half her fire, and her breathing was probably not much better than the boy’s, but she was the greatest firebender to have ever lived. Her control over fire was perfect. Before Li Shen or the mother could say anything, Azula bent the heat out of the boy. She kept looking at him, as his face gradually returned to a healthier shade of red. His jagged breathing had stopped. She would continue and finish to bend all the fever out of him, if Li Shen hadn’t caught her wrist and snapped her hand away from him.

“That should be enough. We don’t want to be too much different from before.” Li Shen was looking intently at her. There was a different gleam in his eyes, one Azula had not seen for quite some time. Since she had woken up, to be precise. “Thank you. Why don’t you go prepare some tea and take it to your room. We should talk later.” He then looked at the woman, who was visibly relieved when he smiled at her, before emptying the mortar and selecting some different herbs to place in it.

 Azula was staring at the pot of tea on the table, when the door to her room creaked open. 

“How’s the boy?” Azula did not take her eyes away from the pot.

“Better.But I’d like to keep him here for the rest of the day, see if we can send him back by dinner. Lin Yi’s husband might drop by a few times before then.” The chair in front of her scraped away and Li Shen’s face came into her view. He went straight to the point. “Let’s talk. What did you do?” 

 Azula was expecting a stern, condemning voice, but there was none. He was excited, if anything. “It’s just heatbending,” she said, as she poured some tea for both of them. “Any firebender worth their salt knows how to do it. Very effective for fever and burns.”

 He hummed. “And how did you learn to do that?”

 Azula did not answer. She flashed him a grin instead. “My turn. Why did you stop me half-way? I could’ve bent all the fever out of him, and he’d be driving his mother crazy by lunch.”

 Li Shen took a sip from his cup, and shook his head a few times. “Not gonna work. The fever was not the problem. Heat by itself is not necessarily bad. That’s how you know the body’s working properly.” When Azula raised a brow, he continued. “Fever is what happens when the body’s trying to purge the impurities inside by itself, like how a blacksmith refines a hunk of ore in the forge. Excessive heat , without control, is problematic. I had to bring the fever down first, before I could actually treat him. You did well earlier. Although I would appreciate it if you could at least tell me about it if you’re going to do it again in the future.”

“There is going to be a future?” Azula was amused. She had thought he would reprimand her for acting out of line, much less that there would be another repeat of today.

 Li Shen shrugged. Again. Azula had the feeling that the shrugs did not mean he didn’t care, and more likely that the answer would be too long, so he just couldn’t be bothered. He then pointed to the shelf and boxes of books they had tucked at one corner of her room. Azula huffed when she was reminded of the time they had to convert Li Shen’s study into another patient room because she was making the actual patient room her permanent residence.

“I’m not telling you to do anything, but if you’re interested, and you’re bored out of your mind, why not go through some of those some times?” He poured himself another cup of tea, and finished it in one gulp. “I need to go see Old Man Rani, said he sprained his ankle or something,” he said, as he stood and stretched his arm a few times.

“Stop calling him Old Man Rani. You’re older than him. Words mean something in the real world,” Azula said, as she watched him approach the door.

 He flashed her a rude gesture before closing the door shut.

 Azula huffed. She was alone again. She imagined the Lin Yi woman would be with her boy in the other room, but Azula certainly won’t be checking up on them. She didn’t even know what she should say to her, so she stayed in her room, staring at the tea set, and out the window, and at the pile of books on the shelf and in the boxes. She sighed.

 Azula was bored. It started on a whim. She reached for the thinnest book on the shelf. It was a mistake. She should’ve started with the thickest one.

 ***

 2 years later.

“Well, that’s it. It is official now. I have nothing else to teach you,” Li Shen said, as he slammed his back to the chair at the opposite side of the table. He sounded annoyed. 

 Azula frowned at him, then looked at the table. They had changed the table in her room to the bigger one they used for meals in the living room, because Azula needed the space for her notes and at least three reference books opened at the same time because apparently no one in the medical world knew how to put all the related information in the same book. “What do you mean you have nothing else to teach me? You studied for twelve years.”

 Li Shen huffed, and pulled his eyes back from the ceiling to look at her. “Correction. I studied all of this for five years. I spent the next seven years being an apprentice before starting out on my own. You finished what took me five years to study in two! I actually hate you a little bit right now.”

 Azula grinned. She was feeling a little bit smug. “You can’t blame me for being born a prodigy. In fact, if not for the ridiculous ways these things were written, I’d probably be done three months ago.” Li Shen huffed again. “So… what now?”

 Azula knew that some of her uncertainty had bled out in her question, because Li Shen had stopped with his mocking annoyance and looked at her with his usual caring gaze. “Well, that would depend on what you want to do.” Azula continued to look at him, waiting for the explanation that would come. “Usually, I would take you as my apprentice. You would help me here for a few years, then take over after me, or go start your own practice anywhere you want. War or no war, healers and doctors are always needed.”

 “But…?”

“But we both know that’s not what you want. If you’re serious in finding other ways to use firebending for healing, then you need to train under a real master.”

 Azula gasped. “Why didn’t I think of that? Here, let me go write a letter to the non-existing master of the non-existing firebending healing school, see if they would take a new student or not.”

 Li Shen chuckled, but raised his hands to placate her. “Let me finish. I think you should go to Agna Qel’a.” Azula waited. “The master healer, Yugoda, she’s a friend. I can write a letter for you, if you want.”

“A waterbender?”

“You already know almost everything you need to know about the physical body. Now you need to find someone that can help you make sense of the chi pathways and their relation to the physical forms. And that means a bender.”

“You’re a bender. You can teach me.”

 He shook his head. “I don’t use my bending for healing. You know this.” Azula was about to say… something, when he raised his palm, “I’m not trying to get rid of you, if that’s your concern. Just, think about it, okay? If you want to help me here, I would be more than happy to take you as my apprentice. Everyone here would, but you need to start thinking for you.” He squeezed her shoulder, like he had done countless times before. Azula caught his eyes. “You. Azula. Not the Fire Nation princess, not the child that I saved from the foot of the mountain years ago.” He broke their gaze to look at the books sprawled open before them. “Go get some sleep. These things will still be here tomorrow.” 

 ***

 It was a quiet morning in the middle of summer. The sun had just started to rise. There was a small crowd at the entrance of the village of Sako, an Earth Kingdom colony taken from the Fire Nation during the war, and was ignored by both. Azula was smiling, as she looked at the people that came to send her off. It was nice, being sent away with soft smiles and happy tears instead of condescending glares and cowering bows. She went to Lin Yi first, holding little Lin Fa in her arms. Her husband stood beside her, hands resting firmly on Xiao Yu right in front of him. Lin Fa reached for her just as she was within her arms reach. She smiled as she let the girl wrapped her tiny arms around her neck. She was the first child Azula had helped Li Shen deliver. Apparently that was enough for the girl to take a liking to her. She had to release her when she felt the slightly larger arms wrapped around her waist. She smiled and ruffled Xiao Yu’s hair. “You’re gonna take care of your sister for me?”

 He released her and puffed his chest. “Of course, but it’s not because you asked. I’m gonna keep training and get stronger and look after her cause she’s my sister.” Azula gave him an approving smile.

 Old Man Rani and Grandma Fia gifted her the leather satchel and the cloak she already had on her. When she went to them, the old couple dragged her into a tight hug that seemed to last forever, that Azula wished would never end. When they finally decided to break the hug, Grandma Fia pushed some riceballs wrapped in some banana leaves into her hands. She smiled, muttered her thanks, and placed them in her satchel, alongside her notes and some medical supplies. It looked like she didn’t have to worry about her lunch for the day.

 Li Shen was standing to the side, holding a piece of long, hard wood, lacquered black and a simple handle at one end. “This won’t rot when you get near the poles.” Azula smiled as she gave him her old broom stick. She tested the new cane a few times, and gave him a nod. “I’d give you a hug too, but I’m pretty sure you’re already used up all your hug quotes for the week just now.” Azula chuckled. He was right. So she hugged him instead.

“Thank you. For not giving up.” She didn’t bother to blink away her tears. Other than her wet nurses, Li Shen had probably witnessed her tears the most, and she was glad for that. She gave them all a wave, and made her way to the entrance.

 Azula did not turn back.

 The sky was clear. The sun was bright. The wind felt nice on her skin. She had not been this excited for a long time. Not since she produced her first spark. Not since she had her first firebending lesson. Azula took a deep breath, as deep as her lungs allowed, and took her first real step since she started to walk. A tap with her cane, a drag of her bad leg, and a step of her good one.

  Tap, drag, step.

Tap, drag, step.

Tap, drag, step.

Chapter Text

 The journey from Sako to the fishing village Ashika was unremarkable. She made the journey in two days, even with her condition. It was the middle of the summer, no rain would be coming for a while, so she just slept in the woods under the stars for one night before resuming her journey at dawn. She found a fisherman that was willing to take her to Red Pearl Island after she cured his daughter of some mild fever, which she thought was unnecessary. The girl was still running with her friends when she went to look at her. But Azula needed a passage to the North, so she bent the fever out of her, and left some herbs to the mother in case the fever came back. After half a day at sea and an hour of walking, Azula was finally at the port. It was mostly empty, saved for a few old fishing vessels and two cargo ships. She went to the larger of the two, ignored the look one of the loading crew gave her when she asked for a passage, and nodded when he said to come tomorrow and talked to the guy in charge. Apparently, she would know him when she saw him. 

 Azula had decided to camp out for one more night instead of wasting her money for lodging. She had built a bonfire just outside of town, away from some other people that seemed to have the same purpose as her. She made sure no one was near, before she took out the crown of the Fire Nation princess from her satchel. It felt cold in her palm. A sheet of solid gold shaped like a flame, polished to a mirror-like sheen. The points of the fires had bent out of shape, and there was a large dent at the center, but Azula could still see her reflection in it. It had been a while since she last saw herself.

 She was not not recognizable, all things considered. She was sure someone that knew her before would recognise her if they squinted really hard. She was… less sharp than she had remembered, partly because she was not fourteen anymore, partly because she had not been pushing herself past the limits like she used to. Her hair had grown just above her shoulder, which she wore in a loose ponytail instead of the conscripting topknot of Fire Nation royalty. There were small cuts and scars all over her face, but nothing some light makeup couldn’t conceal. She hadn’t put on makeup since she woke up, because Li Shen didn’t use them, and no one in Sako cared about them. There was a shallow dent on the brow bone over her right eye, her nose was crooked, and her jaw bent slightly to the left. Azula considered introducing herself as Azula Bentface or Ilah Slackjaw to anyone that would be asking for her name in the future, and chuckled. 

 Just over two years living with Li Shen, and his sense of humour had rubbed on her.

 Azula cupped the crown in both palms, took a deep breath, and reached deep within her. She might not have the air to create a large fire, but her inner flame still burned hot. She didn’t need a large fire for this, it just needed to be hot enough. She finished after twenty minutes. When she moved her hand, the crown had melted into a lump of gold, pulsing warmly on her left palm. She picked it up, pinching it between her thumb and index finger. The crown that she wore proudly over her subjects, that shouldered the Fire Lord’s wills, that weighed heavily on her head, reduced to a lump of gold no larger than her thumb. 

  Goodbye, princess. Let’s see if you’re worthy enough to get us to the north at least.

 When morning arrived, she went straight to the dock, looked for the man in charge, and traded some coins she brought from Sako for a passage to Yu Dao, where she sold her ‘heirloom’ and bought some more supplies for her journey. She stayed close to the coast, traded food or what little she knew about healing broken bones and sickness common to the area for rides on carts, and walked her way to Bluemoon Bay, where the last port in the Earth Kingdom before the Great Northern Sea was located. 

 The port was as busy as expected. There were people all over the place; merchants with carts full of fresh and dried supplies, clothes with all sorts of colors, tapping their feet as they waited to load their cargo. Crew members shouted among themselves when the ones taking stuff out of the ships clashed with the ones loading them in. There were individual farmers and street cooks peddling fresh items to sailors and last-minute buyers before they started their journeys. 

 And then, there were the tourists. Nobles wearing commoner’s clothes, failing miserably to hide their wealth and privilege. Commoners wearing cheap imitations of a noble’s garbs, without an understanding how to wear it properly. After almost three years of living the quiet life in Sako, where the most excitement was when Elder Gaya’s goat jumped the fence and ate Amu’s persimmon shoots, the burst of life in Yu Dao and Bluemoon Port had made her head hurt and her skin crawl. Azula lowered her gaze and pulled her hood closer to her face when she noticed the group of Earth Kingdom soldiers doing their patrol. She went straight to the nearest water tribe boat because she was tired of walking.

 A young woman, carrying a small child on her hip, seemed to be having an argument with the shipmate at the end of the gangway where they would board. The woman was dressed in water tribe’s garb, minus the thick fur parka they usually had, while the girl was dressed in a simple green tunic and pants. One of her shoes had dropped from her foot, lying around a few steps behind them. Azula sighed, and groaned as she lowered herself to pick it up.

“...else you can do? I’d wait until I could save more, you know I would, but I’m desperate here. I’ll pay the rest when we arrive. My grandma–”

“Look, Tana, here’s the thing,” the shipmate grabbed both the woman’s shoulders, ignoring the look the girl gave him as he barely missed her face. Azula wanted to poke his foot with her cane right then and there. “You haven’t been one of the tribe for five years now. And you barely have enough for your lodging. What are you gonna eat on the journey? What are you feeding your kid? I want…” Azula started to ignore what he was saying. This won’t end well, or at all if she let them. And she was so, so tired of walking, and standing, and waiting. She raised her cane and tapped the plank twice. The man paused, and raised his brow when their eyes met. “I have a customer. Could you make room for the lady? Thank you.”

 The woman, Tana, turned around, and gave Azula a sheepish smile when she gave her the shoe.

“I need to go to the North.”

 The man looked her up and down a few times, and frowned. Azula wanted to hit both of his legs with her cane now. “You can pay?” Azula took out her purse, and emptied all the coins she had on her palm. The man stared, and moved his lips as he counted in silence. Then he looked at her. “I can give you a small room, three meals a day, and some blankets for that. That okay with you?”

 Azula was about to agree, when she sensed she was being watched. She looked to her left, and was met with the child’s big, round eyes. She couldn’t tell if the girl was astonished, or terrified at her. Probably both. Their staring contest was finally broken when Azula saw it . The slight discoloration on the skin, peeking out from the woman’s collar, and on the girl’s arm. They were light, lighter than hers, lighter than Zuko’s, but she knew those anywhere. Azula wanted to vomit. She looked straight at the man, “if you add my coins to what they have, would that be enough for all three of us to go to the north?” 

 Tana gasped.

 The man's lips moved in silence, again, as he calculated, again. Azula’s eye twitched, as she tightened her grip on her cane. “They’ll be sharing your room, two meals a day.”

“There’s a child here!”

 The man sighed. Azula had to press her cane on the gangway floor, just to prevent herself from using it on him. She was sure she had made a dent a few inches deep on the hardwood. “I can maybe spare a blanket for the kid,” he shifted his eyes from her to Tana, “if you agree to help in the mess hall three days a week. We’re not running a charity here. Take it or leave.”

 Azula breathed, deep and slow. Just a little bit more, and it will be over . She looked to her side again.

 “Are you sure?”

“I just need to get to the north. I don’t have to be comfortable.”

“Yes, of course. Thank you.” Tana let out a relieved breath, and Azula ignored the shiny tears forming at the corner of her eyes.

“Great. Best friends already. Name?” The man was already writing something in the book he had on him.

 Azula huffed. “Lo.”

 He raised an eyebrow at her. “Just Lo? No last name?”

“Li.”

 He frowned. “Your name is Lo… Li?”

Azula flashed him a grin she hadn’t used for a very long time. The one she had during the war. The one that would make grown men cower before her while pissing their pants. “My parents had a… peculiar sense of humor.”

 He clearly swallowed his spit, as he schooled his expression. “Lo Li it is.” He called for another shipmate to bring them to their room.

 ***

 True to the man's word, their room was small, and completely empty. It was a space just enough for four adults to lie down, and not much else. Judging by its place right outside the mess hall, Azula guessed it was supposed to be a storage room that was converted into a passenger space. Their guide left them with two fur blankets and a small pillow, which Azula refused when Tana offered them to her.

“I don’t need them. And I especially don't need you getting sick because you couldn’t rest properly,” she said, as she shifted her eyes from Tana to the girl, who hadn’t stopped staring at her since they met.

“Right, thank you, again.” Azula only answered with a wave of her hand, as she moved to the far corner of the room. She groaned as she lowered herself to the floor, back against the wall. Tana gave her a smile when their eyes met once more. “I’m Tana, and this is Hina.”

“I believe you already know my name.”

 Tana chuckled. “Right. Lo Li. Quite the funny name.” 

 As if agreeing with her mother, Hina giggled. 

 Azula couldn’t help but smile. She continued her staring contest with Hina as Tana prepared their side of the room. Hina was not a loud child, nor a fussy one, which Azula was grateful for. And clung to her mother as soon as she was done. Azula watched, as Hina curled herself into a ball, as small as she could, and as Tana wrapped her arms around her, making the exposed part of the child as little as possible. Azula bit her tongue, as the nausea in her belly came back in full force.

“So, what’s wrong with your grandma?”

“Hmm? Oh, nothing, actually. She’s probably the healthiest person in Agna Qel’a.” Tana chuckled, and kissed the top of Hina’s head. “She told me to say that she’d be paying the rest of the money when we arrive. She just wants us out of here as soon as possible.” 

“Because of the burn?”

 Tana’s breath hitched. She stared at Azula for a few moments, before sinking her face in Hina’s hair. There was a slight nod, subtle, that any other person would miss.

 Azula looked into her satchel, found what she was looking for, and slid the small bottle across the floor. “Apply a thin layer once every few hours. Don’t rub it on. Should help with the itchiness from the new skin.”

 Tana picked it up, stared at it for a second, and scowled. Then her face changed to a neutral one. She was biting on her lower lips before long. 

 It started with a sniffle. Then changed to soft sobs, then into a full-blown cry. Hina, not knowing what had happened, looked at Tana, and started crying as well, as she clung even tighter onto her mother.

 Azula sighed. She closed her eyes and rested her back against the wall and rubbed the area between her eyes. She couldn’t help but think of that first time she cried in front of Li Shen, a small table and plates of food between them. She wondered if that was the first time a patient had cried in front of him. She doubted it, but she wondered. And she regretted not asking him what he thought, or felt at the time, because Azula did not know what she thought, or felt right now. She sighed again.

  It would be a long voyage to Agna Qel’a.

 ***

 Azula was woken up from her sleep by the sound of a bell. It was loud, it made her head hurt, and it refused to stop. She looked to her side, and sighed at the mop of hair clinging to her like she was a piece of floating wood. 

 At first, their original arrangement was acceptable. Azula would ignore Tana and Hina for the majority of the day, and they knew not to bother her when she was ‘meditating’. And it was a success… for the first three days. But then Tana had to go help at the mess hall, as they had agreed, and everything broke down. 

 Without any toy or her mother to entertain her, Hina set her sight on the next best thing within her reach. Azula . And the next thing she knew, they were having their meals together, and Tana was sharing the salted fish and dried meats she had packed just to give some taste to their bland slop. Azula should have put a stop there. She should have made her boundaries clear. But she didn’t. She was complacent. So when they had entered the north proper, and Azula had started to shiver, even with her inner flame burning hotter than ever to maintain her body heat, Tana had insisted she share the blankets they had received. Azula couldn’t even refuse because the woman had grabbed her by the arm and forced her into the blanket, on the other side of the giggling Hina. That was ten days ago. And because Azula was an exceptional firebender, and through years of conditioning, her body would produce heat all by itself whenever she was cold, especially when she was asleep, which meant her body was hotter than the average person, which meant Hina clinging to her every single night under the blankets. Tana made it worse because she would just smile, that infuriating smile that reminded her of Li Shen when she frowned and glared and scowled at him. 

 Tana raised her palms at her, and gestured at the ceiling of their room with her eyes. “Land bells. Means they finally saw land.” 

“So, we’ve arrived?”

“Not for a few more days, but yes. Welcome to Agna Qel’a.” She smiled.

 Azula let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Or it could’ve been because HIna had her arms wrapped around her. The girl was surprisingly strong for a four-year-old. Azula rested her head back on her satchel, which she used as a make-shift pillow, and let out another relieved breath. She didn’t bother prying Hina off her and tried to go back to sleep.

 ***

 Agna Qel’a was bright. Brighter than Caldera. That was the first thing Azula noticed when they went above deck after the ship had docked. Tana stood beside her, holding Hina in her arms, pointing at the snow and the ice and the unsetting sun. Yes. Apparently the sun does not set at the north pole this time of year. Around them, tourists from Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom and who knew where were also flooding the deck, waiting to disembark. Azula huffed. It seemed like the end of the war had brought some changes in the world. While she was grateful to the fact that the Northern Water Tribe opening their gates to the whole world had made her journey easier, she was also hoping that Yugoda’s practice won’t be made an attraction for the masses. Azula had enough of her bending put on as a show for lesser men to boast like it was their own accomplishment, when she was the one doing all the work. Not anymore. Her fire would be hers, and hers alone, however small it might be. 

 Azula was about to walk to the line now forming at the gangway, when a light tap on her shoulder stopped her. She turned around to see both Tana and Hina smiling at her. “Do you have a moment… before you go?” Tana continued when Azula said nothing. “I don’t know why you’re here, because you don’t seem like them,” she gestured to their surroundings with her chin, “and I’m not trying to pry, but why don’t you come with us? My grandma would want to see you, and I’m sure she could help with the things you need to do here. There will be some hot stew waiting for you at the very least.” Azula let the time pass for a few moments, and nodded.

 As soon as they stepped off the gangway and onto the soft snow, Azula cringed. Her cane and her feet sunk a few inches in, and the snow underneath had already turned into hard ice. She bent heat through the soles of her feet to melt the ice and get some traction, but it only managed to make her shoes wet. She gritted her teeth and tightened her grip on the cane’s handle; her core and back muscles seared sharply as she tried not to lose her balance while her sea legs got used to treading solid land again.

“Lo Li! Mama! Hurry up!”

 Azula raised her face from the ground. Hina was already ten steps ahead, waving at her. She was wrapped in a full fur coat from top to bottom and, paired with her large, rounded eyes, she looked like a miniature pandacat. If Azula was someone who thought children were cute, she would find the sight adorable, but she wasn’t. Right now, she was irritated because her feet were wet, it was cold, so without a proper snow gear, she had to rely on her firebending to keep her warm, and it felt like she was slipping with each step she took. Still, Azula was raised in the venomous pit of Caldera’s royal court, where the face you wore could be the difference between life and death. Compared to that, this was a child’s play, quite literally. So Azula schooled her expression, made sure she had the sweetest smile that was usually reserved for those backstabbing ministers and dignitaries, and raised her left hand slightly to wave at the girl. If Hina saw through her, she didn’t say anything.

 Tana chuckled beside her.

 After entering Agna Qel’a with a group of Earth Kingdom tourists, Tana led them away from the main road, alongside the ice walls that acted as the city’s bulwark. They walked to a section that was less grand than the entrance. There were houses, mostly of similar design made from ice. There were people walking about, some carrying baskets with dried fish or meat. Some were carrying furs or some kind of nets, or spears. And everyone was wearing the same type of fur coat that Tana and Hina were wearing. They stopped in front of a house, where Tana called loudly for her grandmother.

 It took some time before the door cracked open, revealing an old woman. Her face was full of wrinkles, her hair was fully white, and she was also holding a cane in her hand. Although Azula suspected that was necessary due to her age, and not because she was thrown off a mountain some time in the past. Her eyes went wide when she saw Tana. She gasped, and dropped her cane as she raised both of her arms in front of her. Tana lunged into her, as she embraced the old woman, leaving Azula and Hina behind. Azula clenched her jaw, as she felt her throat tightened when Tana started sobbing into her grandmother’s shoulder, as the old woman gently caressed her hair and murmured sweet nothings in her ears. Azula placed her free hand on Hina’s shoulder, and gently nudged the girl forward. Hina turned around to look at her. When Azula motioned for her to keep going, she turned back and slowly walked towards her mother. When she arrived, Tana pulled Hina in her arms, just like she had done the first day onboard the ship, only this time, there was another set of arms wrapped around her. 

 Azula watched, like a guardian stone back at the palace courtyard, back as straight as she could muster, as the sobs from three generations of the family filled the air.

 ***

 When Tana introduced Azula as Lo Li to Madam Uran, the old woman raised an eyebrow, and flicked a finger at Tana’s forehead. 

 Azula smirked. And Hina giggled.

“Grandma…” Tana said, as she rubbed her forehead.

“I thought I raised you better than that. She told you her name is Lo Li, and you just believed her?”

“Of course not. But what am I supposed to say? ‘Thanks for letting us stay with you for the journey. By the way, I know your name’s fake, so you better come clean, or else.’ Is that what you want me to say?”

 Azula laughed. She raised her right hand, with her cane, pressed the palm of her left hand on it, and gave a slight bow. “It is a pleasure to meet you, Madam Uran. You can call me Ilah.”

“Which I’m going to assume is also a fake name.” Azula smiled at the accusation. The silence lingered for a few moments, before Uran’s face turned serious. “You’re Fire Nation.” 

“I am.” Azula let the silence from before stretched thin over them, as she kept eye contact with Uran. It was not a challenge like she used to do with the snakes in the viper’s pit one lifetime ago. Then, Uran smiled. Her eyes softened — like Li Shen’s did during her stay with him, like Tana’s did whenever she woke up to see Hina wrapped herself around her — that made Azula’s spine tingle and her stomach churn.

“You brought my granddaughter and great-granddaughter home to me. You will always have a place around my hearth, and a bowl of stew from my pot.” She turned around and motioned her to follow, “come, child. You had a long journey here. Rest your bones for a moment, before you move on.”

 Azula was sitting on a fur rug, a bowl of stew in her hand. Tana and HIna sat in front of her, on the other side of the hearth with a large pot dangling over it. Uran was scooping some more stew into another bowl, and went to sit with her family. Azula ate her stew in silence as she listened to the giggles and laughs from across the fire. Sometimes, when Hina was being especially loud, she would peeked through the flame, to see what was happening. Her eyes would meet with Hina’s, and the girl would reach for her. And without fail, Tana would catch her hand midway, wrapping Hina’s small hand in hers as she brought it away from the fire. Hina would pout for a moment, before leaning her back into her. Uran would ask Azula if she needed more stew, which Azula would refuse. With her empty bowl discarded beside her, Azula would switch her eyes from the fire to the scene playing before her. She could only offer a smile that did not reach her eyes as she watched Hina being fussed over. 

 They sat around the fire until Hina yawned, and raised both of her arms at her mother. Tana pulled her into her arms, and moved to a corner of the room, with more fur rugs and some blankets and pillows. Uran gave Azula some blankets and pillows, and pointed at the other corner, where there were some more fur rugs for her to use. There was no separate room, so they would all share the same space, just as they had shared the same warmth from the hearth, and the same stew from the pot. A tribal life.

 In the morning, Azula woke up at the same time she always had, only to find Uran was already stoking the fire in the hearth. There were some freshly prepared ingredients beside her, which she tossed in the same pot as the night before. “Morning. You need to go outside if you want to use the bathroom. There’s a separate building in the back for that.” Azula nodded, grabbed her cane, and went outside.

 Azula sat cross-legged in front of the house, her cane rested on her lap. The sun was warm on her skin, but the snow, icy cold, prickled through her, all the way to her bones. She took a deep breath, and shivered when the cold air froze her nose and filled her lungs. It took her some more effort to burn her inner flame, but before long, it was burning just as hot as anywhere else. Azula opened her eyes when the door creaked, and Uran came out to stand beside her. 

“You rise early.”

“Firebenders rise with the sun,” Azula said, then frowned. She chuckled when she realised what she had said, and opened her eyes to see an equally amused look on Uran’s face.

“Now, will you actually tell me why you’re here?” Uran continued when Azula raised an eyebrow at her question. “Don’t tell me you’re here for sightseeing.”

 Azula shrugged. “I’m here to see Master Yugoda.” She did not elaborate further. Uran’s smile changed from the amused one earlier to a sad, but understanding one. 

“Do you mind if I sit beside you?”

“It’s your house.”

“Yes, but some people are weird about their personal space.” Uran stretched, and groaned as she lowered herself beside Azula. She rolled her shoulders a few times and rested her back on the icy wall of her house. “I don’t know how you knew of her, but everything you heard is probably true. Yugoda is one of the best healers in the world. She has helped me more times than I can count.” Then she touched Azula’s shoulder, gently, and made sure she was looking at her before she continued. “That being said, she is not a miracle worker. She is just a waterbender who has mastered her chosen discipline. I don’t want you to be disappointed if she can’t give you what you are hoping for.”

 Azula looked at the old woman, tracing the crowfeet at the corners of her eyes to the wrinkles on her cheek to her dried lips, still smiling sadly at her. Azula smiled. “I appreciate your candor, Madam Uran, but I can assure you, I am not seeking her for what you are thinking.” She paused, then added, “hope… is not something I am familiar with. You cannot rely on hope.”

“Yes, I can imagine that.” Uran sighed. “You know, I will be eighty six in two weeks. You, a stranger, have brought to me the best gifts I could have hoped for.”

“Congratulations. And you’re welcome, by the way.”

 Uran chuckled, but her sad smile did not leave. “I am an old mother. I was thirty nine when I had my son, twenty years after my marriage, not for the lack of trying of course.” She chuckled again. “It was not a difficult marriage, and now, I’d dare say we were happy. But twenty years hoping for something that might never come was not easy. Still, we kept trying, and I kept praying, and it was answered. Fortunately my son and his wife didn’t have to go through what we did. I was sixty four when Tana was born. I still remember the first time I held her, hoping that if she would grow up happy, and healthy, surrounded by everyone that loves her, then I have nothing more to ask. I was ready to go.” She sobbed, and wiped away her tears. 

“Then a disaster struck. A sickness that infected and killed a number of our people. My husband died when Tana was two. The Northern Water Tribe had closed her borders to the outside world for fifty, sixty years by this point. No healers would make their way here, with how the war was going on. Yugoda was all the way in Ba Sing Se, learning the science of being a healer. So I dared to hope again. That the healers here could find some kind of cure for the sickness. That Yugoda would finish her studies and come back to us. That someone from outside would hear about our plight and make their way here. I returned my son and my daughter-in-law to the sea four months after my husband.” She paused, and took some time for her tears to stop, and continued. 

“Then Tana was sixteen, and we started to feel the heat of war, and the young ones started leaving. To do what we didn’t do. To do the right thing.” She sighed. 

“And again, all I did was pray and hope that the war would end, that she would come back to me. Sometimes I wondered, if we, if I did something when at the start, instead of just praying and hoping, would the war have ended sooner? If the North never closed her borders to the outside world, would my family still be here? If we did not abandon our sister tribe when Azulon decided to massacre them, maybe there would be no children like you and Tana, born to inherit a war you didn’t even start, grew up burying your own hopes and dreams to chase the one dreamt by men long dead. I am eighty six. I buried my husband, buried my children, everyday I prayed to Tui and La I did not have to bury my grandchild, and I am no close to the answer.”

 Azula listened, as the old woman told her her life story. She cringed when Uran said her grandfather’s name which she was named after. “There are few combinations of words more dangerous than ifs and maybes.” She sighed. “I am like this because I… was an exceptional firebender. If I was less good, then I might not even survive,,, what was done to me. If I was born less of a prodigy, my father might even strangle me in my crib. If I am not here today, then Tana and Hina might not be here as well.” She heard the soft, quiet gasp, and turned her head. Uran was looking at her, deep scowl on her face. Azula smiled. “A friend once said, it’s fine to think about what could have been when something was taken from you, but don’t look too far into the past you forget to look at what's right in front of you. I know it’s not the same, but they’re here, and they’re alive.”

 Uran was biting her lower lip, as she sobbed, and wiped the tears from her eyes. She flashed her a sad smile, and nodded. “Can I hug you?”

 Azula scowled. “What? Why?”

 “I want to hug you. For bringing them back to me, for making me realize what I still have here. And it seemed like you needed a hug as well.”

 Azula’s breath lodged in her throat, as it tightened at Uran’s words. She frowned deeper, and nodded. 

 Uran smiled, and wrapped her arms around her. She pulled Azula close until her chin rested on her shoulder, in the crook of her neck. An arm snaked up from the small of her back, and rested firmly between her shoulder blades, tracing calming circles on her back. A hand, calloused and wiry, made way to the back of her neck, as bony fingers combed through her hair, gently caressing her scalp. Azula could not help but to lean in deeper, into the safety of the embrace. Then she heard, the sweet nothing in her ears. “Thank you. For bringing them back. For granting this old woman her last wish. Thank you. For being born. For being alive. For being you.” No one had ever been grateful to her for being born, and no one would be grateful to her for surviving. She didn’t think anyone had ever thanked her for doing anything, not to Princess Azula, at least. She did not remember her grandmother at all, her mother never held her like this, Li Shen never taught what to do in this situation, so Azula did what her instinct told her to do.

 Azula grabbed Uran’s parka with both hands and pressed her closed eyes so hard on her shoulders she saw colors. Then she cried and sobbed and screamed into the woman’s fur coat, now soiled with her tears and snots and spits.

“It’s alright. You’re alright. Whatever was done to you, you do not deserve it. You’re just a child. Stay here for as long as you need. For as long as you like. I’m going to take care of you. Everything will be alright. I promise.”

 ***

 Azula stayed with Uran for a few days, until she got her landlegs back. On her way to meet Chief Arnook, Tana guided her to the healing hut, where she left Azula with one of the students there, and promised to come back for her for dinner. Azula was shown to a small room at the back of the healing hut, and waited. The room was small, and filled with books and scrolls neatly arranged on shelves made of wood and bones. There was a small hearth – still smoking – at one corner, away from the documents, and a few fur rugs around it. Then Azula saw it. A thick, leather-bound book, tanned hide with golden trims, and matching golden writings. 

 The Resilience of Human Body: A Medical Journal - Second Edition.

 Azula chuckled. Of course a friend of Li Shen’s would have the same book. She went to sit on the fur rug beside it, and stoke the fire in the hearth. IT sparked blue for an instance, before burning red. She picked up the book and opened a page at random. It was weird, seeing the same contents she had already remembered twice in neat, press-printed letters. She was used to the handwritten notes pasted haphazardly between pages, with scribbles and sometimes a whole page blacked out with ink. Like meeting an old friend, Azula smiled as she read, recognising some lines she wrote herself. 

 She was startled by a cough that she heard from the door. A woman stood there, with a soft, round face, and hair pulled into a neat bun. Her eyes drifted from Azula, to the fire, then to the book in her hand. “My apologies, I didn’t mean to touch your properties. We seemed to share a similar interest in reading materials. I could not help myself.” The woman smiled, and motioned for her to stay where she was. She moved across the room, took out a set of pots and cups from a wooden chest, and sat beside her. She bent water from a covered pail nearby into the pot, and placed it over the fire.

“I am Yugoda. I assume you are Ilah, or…” she chuckled, “Lo Li?”

 Azula smiled. “What do you think of the book?” Yugoda raised a brow at her question. Azula continued. “Do you think the author is right? Does the book actually push the medical knowledge forward by five years, or is that just wishful thinking on his part?”

 Yugoda looked at her, and let the silence lingered. “Li Shen is a… dear friend. He is the finest doctor I know, with an unconventional way of looking at a medical problem. If he says it would push it forward by five years, then I would believe it.” She paused, then sighed. “Unfortunately, the field of medicine and healing is steeped with traditions and occupied with hard-headed fools that would only budge an inch every few years even with enough evidence to support a large mansion over a cliffside. It is being debated, extensively, even as we speak. That much, I can say.”

 Azula hummed. “And there are no other ways except to wait?”

“Traditionally, any new… breakthrough would need to be corroborated by another doctor or healer, which means, they need to find another patient with the same, or partial symptoms as the one in the book. Given the extent of the injuries described, would be a miracle in and of itself. And of course, the methods and results described need to be replicable as well, partially at least.” Yugoda put some tea leaves into a small pot, poured in hot water from the fire, and let it seep. “The other way is for Li Shen to expose who this mysterious patient is, and have another healer examine them, which he would never do without their explicit consent.” She eyed Azula suspiciously.

“I see.” Azula’s smile turned into a smirk. She could not help it. She just went with it. “Would you like to examine me?”

 Yugoda’s eyebrows jumped above her hairline. Her eyes bulged out of their sockets. Azula dropped her head– not unlike a high bow– so that the top of her head would be directly in front of Yugoda. “Go ahead. You know where it is.” A few moments passed. Then she felt it. The soft flesh of the fingers, combing through her hair, gently massaging her scalp, so similar to what Uran did a few days ago, and yet so much different. Then she felt it, when the fingers found what they were looking for, and Yugoda gasped. When Yugoda removed her hand, Azula raised her head back and smiled smugly.

 Yugoda’s jaw hung open, as her surprised look was replaced by curiosity. “Who are you?” Azula did not answer. She looked at the fire and stoke it hotter. It burned bright blue, before she changed it back to its normal temperature. Yugoda gasped again. “You… you were supposed to be dead.”

“According to the foreword, I should be dead twice.” Azula tapped the book in her lap. That had managed to bring Yugoda back out of her surprise loop, as her expression turned back to what she had earlier. 

“My apologies as well. Not everyday I am visited by a dead person and a medical marvel.” She smiled. “How can I help you?”

 Azula reached for her satchel, and took out the letter Li Shen had written for her. He did not seal it, and Azula never bothered to read it. Yugoda read it silently. She frowned, and blinked twice when she finished. She looked at her with the same questioning frown. “Is it true?” Azula raised a brow, daring her to say it out loud. “You can heal… with firebending?”

 Azula pressed her left palm on her right fist, and gave a deep bow, as deep as her back allowed her. “That is what I am trying to figure out. I would be honored if you would help me seek the way.” When she raised her head, there was a new expression on Yugoda’ face, one she had seen before, on an old man’s face. The gleam in her eyes reminded her of Li Shen’s on the day she bent the fever out of Xiao Yu.

 ***

 Azula had settled into a new routine after Yugoda agreed to take her as a student, one consisted of a four-day cycle. She would spend three days at Yugoda’s place, and a day at Uran’s house. 

 After her usual morning katas, her mornings at Yugoda’s were spent meditating, with Yugoda at her side, trying to see if she would be able to feel the flow of chi from the center of the body all the way to the extremities, like a good waterbender would. It was like walking blind in a thick forest at night with a heavy rain pouring down. 

 Azula was no stranger to meditation, she was an exceptional firebender after all, and yet, it seemed like being a prodigy at firebending would not make a good healer. It took her two weeks of constant concentration to distinguish her inner flame from her chi, and another week for her to finally stop chasing the flow of heat from her inner flame within the chi pathways to focus on the chi itself. The rest of the days were spent cramped inside the small room at the healing hut, reading the abundance of books and scrolls there, or observing the other students in their practice, or trying to see if she could manipulate her chi independently from her heat. The nights were spent at Yugoda’s house, getting her whole body looked at while she answered the woman’s question about her injuries.

 It turned out, learning under a master waterbender was not an ideal way for a firebender to learn about healing. The elements were on the opposite spectrum after all. Water soothed, while fire burned. In a simple cut, a waterbender would channel their own chi inside the target, soothing the area to close the gap and encourage growth. Azula first had to learn to channel her chi into another person’s flesh without burning them, which meant rejecting the first rule of firebending; fire burned. Then she had to manually close the cut with her hand, as she channeled heat to close the wound. The result was a scar on par if a needle and thread was used, but with less blood and shorter healing time. Less ugly than searing the wound outright, but not as smooth as waterbender healing. It was the first breakthrough they had after almost five months of smashing their heads at the proverbial wall. 

 That night, Azula went straight home to Uran to report their progress despite it being the second day in her four-day cycle. Only Uran and Hina were at home, because Tana was out hunting with some of the villagers. Hina dove straight for her as she entered the house, like any day she came back. Uran was surprised, but she welcomed her and served her a bowl of stew, and smiled all the same at her stories. The next morning, she woke up late to find herself pinned by Hina on her chest, and by Tana at her side. It seemed like she had returned sometime in the night and went straight to bed. The woman was surprisingly strong for her build, which should not be surprising at all, considering she was a mercenary at the end of the war.

“Oh dear,” the white ceiling of the house was then replaced by Uran’s fond smile, “I don’t think you would be able to get out of this.”

 Azula huffed. “Are you just going to look, or will you get Hina off of me?”

“No, I don’t think I will.” Azula was about to protest, when Uran cut her. “Rest, child. You have accomplished something no other person could do in a lifetime. I will go find Yugoda and tell her to extend your leave.” When the ceiling came back into her view, Azula sighed, and worked on her breathing instead.

 ***

 The cycle continued. Days turned to weeks, and then months. Azula had been living in Agna Qel’a for fifteen months by then. They had made a few more breakthroughs over the past year. From a study done at Ba Sing Se, they learned that a fatigued muscle would accumulate a kind of acid within it, which could be removed by applying some pressure and heat. So Azula learned how to pool heat on her palms, and paired it with traditional massage technique. It was not as impressive of a breakthrough as the first one, but one she ranked higher, because it actually helped with her bad leg and Uran’s back pain. Words spread, and before long, ‘Ilah’ found herself to be quite popular amongst older crowds in Agna Qel’a.

 They were on the cusp of another breakthrough in healing fire , as Yugoda called it, which made no sense to Azula because she was not using a single spark, much less fire in her healing, but she digressed. In one of his letters to them, Li Shen suggested they research the differences in physiology of benders. As expected, texts in the topics were scarce; healers and doctors tend to focus on the physiology of all humans, while benders only cared about the techniques and katas of bending. They did manage to scrape some things from their research and from inspecting Azula’s body. Not hard facts, but conjectures endorsed as truths. One: firebenders have higher body temperature than everyone else. Two: some poisons are less potent to a firebender because their body would burn some of the poison while it is inside them. Three: some medicinal herbs are more potent to a firebender because of the higher body temperature. Azula was not at all comforted by how similar the second and third points were, but it was the few leads they managed to find, so she wrote them in the letter she sent to Li She  and let him agonize over those details, while she and Yugoda tried to see if they can recreate a firebender’s body in another person's body. 

 In Yugoda’s office, Azula was channelling her chi alongside some of heat into Yugoda’s hand, a little bit at a time, to see if she could raise Yugoda’s body temperature without burning her, when the leather curtain flapped open to reveal one of Yugoda’s apprentice, Ako? Iko? She was panting, her eyes stared straight through them as she looked around, like she had missed them completely.

“Akaua?” Yugoda’s voice seemed to finally snap her back. Akaua shook her head and slapped her cheeks a few times.

“Arctic cobrascorpion.”

 Yugoda snapped her hand out of Azula’s, and lunged toward the door. Akaua was already gone when she went through the door. Azula watched the leather curtain swayed for a moment, before she grabbed her cane and followed them silently. 

 By the time Azula was out of the healing hut, Yugoda was already a small figure at the end of the road. Azula would not be able to match her pace, so she decided to follow the footprints that were left instead. They led her to the East Gate, which Azula had been to a few times when she and Hina would see Tana off with her hunting party. The last one was yesterday morning. Fuck. A crowd was already forming. Yugoda would be within them because Azula could not find her. She recognized Akaua, alongside Yugoda’s other students, and some of Tana’s hunting partners. Then she saw them. Uran looked older than she had remembered, back bent as she rested her weight on her cane, HIna wrapped tightly around her leg. Azula bit her lip and deepened her breathing, as she tried to keep her heart from bursting out of her chest, and hastened her steps.

 Azula squeezed Uran’s shoulder when she arrived beside her. “She’ll be fine,” she said. Uran looked at her, and tried to give her a reassuring smile, but failed. The edge of mouth lifted up only for a few moments, before it turned upside down, and she let out a wet sob. She pulled Azula into her arm. Without thinking, Azula wrapped her free arm around the old woman, and whispered into her ears. “She’ll be fine. She’s in good hands. Yugoda’s one of the best healers I know. You never stopped hoping for eighty years. Don’t start now.” Azula would do anything if it would help the old woman from losing hers, if it would prevent another girl from losing her mother. So, for the first time in her life, Azula dared to hope.

 ***

 Under Yugoda’s skillful instructions, they were able to neutralize most  of the venom from Tana’s body. She would survive, and was now resting in one of the rooms at the healing hut, and Yugoda had allowed Uran and Hina to stay with her. Azula sat in front of the hearth in Yugoda’s office, as she waited for the bad news. Because if there was one thing Azula was sure in the world, miseries never come alone. 

 Yugoda sighed. “A mature cobrascorpion venom is very potent this time of year. They’re just coming out of hibernation. She will live, but her leg has been exposed to the venom for much longer. It will start to freeze in the next few days, and if it doesn’t improve…”

  Of course. Of fucking course. At least Azula would know another person that needed a cane to walk properly. She laughed bitterly. “Then what? You’re just going to cut her leg off? Is that it? I thought you’re a master healer.” Yugoda did not rise to her lashing. She gave her a pitiful, understanding look. Azula hated it. She had been the target of dressing downs and angry berates for more than ten years. A reprehension, she could handle. She inhaled, and exhaled, slowly. She needed to regain her control. “Maybe there’s something else you’re missing. Can’t you give her more of the herbs you used before?”

 Yugoda shook her head. “The herbs were used to slow down the venom while we were healing her. More herbs would poison her blood alongside the venom. You know this. ” 

 Azula bit the inside of her cheek. She refused to meet Yugoda’s gaze, or she would be lashing out at her again. Her eyes wandered all over the room, and stopped when she saw her notebook, still open where she had left them. She frowned, as Li Shen’s words floated at the beach of her head, and she blurted: 

“Heat.”

 When she looked back at her, Yugoda already had an eyebrow raised. “Heat… fever is not always a bad thing. It’s how the body purges impurities out. Excessive, out of control fever is when you need to be careful.”

“Yes. The venom was so potent it took three of us to bring her fever down before we could start the healing. Remember?”

 Azula blinked, and shook her head. “No… heat. Firebender’s heat.” She shook her head again, as she tried to form a coherent sentence, but her thoughts were a jumbled mess. But she knew she had found something. Fortunately, Yugoda seemed to understand.

“You want to induce a firebender’s body temperature in her, on the conjectures that a firebender is more resistant to poison, and might make the medicine more effective.” She spoke slowly, methodically, like every single word mattered. Azula nodded. “An untested method that we came up with from some unverified theories barely three weeks ago.”

“It’s the only thing you haven’t tried yet. Li Shen said you won’t give up on a patient without exhausting every single option you have. Don’t tell me you’re going to tell her she won’t be able to carry her little girl again because the only thing you didn’t try was… untraditional.” Azula was not a good person. She was a master manipulator when she was fourteen. And she knew that Yugoda knew she was baiting her. She didn’t even try to be subtle. 

 Yugoda rubbed the areas between her eyes, as she relaxed her posture. “You need to tell that to Uran.”

 Azula frowned. “What? Why me?”

“It’s your procedure. I’ll be helping as much as I can, but you need to own this.” Yugoda grabbed Azula by the shoulders, making sure she was looking at her. “Don’t lie to her, don’t try to sweettalk her. Just tell her the simple truths. Make sure she understands the risks. And if she says no…”

“Then I will respect her wish.”

 ***

 When Azula told Uran about what they would be doing, the woman looked like she was about to cry. She opened her mouth, but no words came out. She nodded. That was enough for Yugoda. She instructed three of her healers to take Tana out of the room, and prepared the healing hut. She tapped Azula’s shoulder, and moved out of the room. Azula was about to follow her, when Uran grabbed her hand and Hina hugged her leg.

“Do what you can. I believe in you.”

 Azula nodded. Then she lowered herself to Hina’s height, and gave the girl a brief hug. “I’m going to do everything I can to save your mama, okay? But I need you to do something for me too, okay? I want to hug grandma as tight as you can, and pray for your mama. Can you do that for me?” Hina was crying, but she nodded. Azula gave her another hug, and planted a kiss on her head. Once she was sure Uran had Hina secured, she moved out of the room into the healing hut.

 She was Azula. The greatest firebender in the world. Her fire might not be as strong as it used to be, but she had enough heat to answer a grandmother’s hope and daughter’s prayer.

 ***

 It was three days after the procedure. It was a success, if Azula said so herself. Once they finished, Yugoda had confirmed the cobrascorpion venom was purged completely out of Tana’s body. Azula and Yugoda took turns checking on her all day. Tana woke up with the sun the next day, much to Uran’s relief. Hina had not left her since. Azula was just glad her proposed method worked. Of course, there was a reason the medical community did not take too warmly to new, untested method of healing. Azula, her right palm pressed gently on the side of Tana’s neck, and her left palm rested just below her chest, was confounded. 

“You…” Azula looked to Hina, sleeping peacefully on her mother’s lap. She looked at Tana and Uran, a smile on their faces. Then she looked at Yugoda, who was sitting very closely beside her. She elbowed Azula in her rib, to get her to move on. Azula huffed. “You’re… heatbending.” Azula did not believe a single word she had said. When she finally looked back at her, Tana was grinning.

“Heatbending? Like the precursor to firebending? The thing only good firebenders could do? The thing you do every night without thinking because you’re a very good firebender? Am I a good firebender?” Tana was amused, more than anything.

“Heatbending is innate. Every firebender is able to do it. That’s how we know if a child would be bender or not. A good firebender can manipulate the heat within their own body. An exceptional one could manipulate heat outside of their own body.”

 Tana brought her face close to Azula’s. “I want you to think very hard about what you just said. Are you sure it’s not just a fever? I have fevers all the ti–” Tana could not finish her sentence because Uran had flicked a finger on her ear. “Grandma.”

 Uran was smiling. She was as amused as Tana, Azula could tell. She then looked at Yugoda. “And you are certain that she is cured? She is healthy?”

“Yes. Other than the heatbending, which we’re still figuring out, she is as healthy as the average firebender. We will keep her here for a few more days, but I think there is nothing to be concerned about.”

 ***

 Yugoda was right. There was nothing to be concerned about. Tana’s heatbending was gone ten days after she woke up. And without her heat, Azula had become Hina’s favourite person once more, much to Tana’s chagrin. Azula had come home, and they had their dinner together. Hina was drifting to sleep on her lap, as Azula absentmindedly played with her hair.

“Something on your mind?” Tana’s voice broke her from her reverie. She shifted her eyes from the fire before her, to find Tana and Uran, with a knowing smile on their faces, like they already knew what she was thinking.

“I… I think it’s time for me to go.” She looked down at Hina, and traced her fingers along the girl’s hairline. “I kept thinking about what happened to you. What I did. How… incomplete my understanding is.”

“I see. Do you have any idea where you would go next?”

 Azula shook her head. “Probably Ba Sing Se. There’s gotta be something I can dig in the university there. There’s also the Fire Sages, but I don’t know how… pure their texts are. Fire Lords liked to alter the written history to fit the image they wanted to convey. If they’re not destroyed outright, or changed too much, maybe I can find some thread that would lead somewhere.”

“Then go.” That was Uran. Azula raised her head to look at her, Her smile did not change, even after what she had said. “If what had happened to you could never put you down, who are we to stop you.” 

 Azula smiled back, and nodded. She looked at Tana, and then at Hina. “Hina’s gonna throw a tantrum isn’t she?”

 Tana chuckled. “Like you would never imagine.”

 ***

 Azula stayed for three more weeks. She would be taking a passage on a fishing boat that would take her to Bluemoon Bay. Only Yugoda, Tana, Hina, and Uran were there at the dock to see her go. She pressed her palm to her fist, and gave a low bow to Yugoda. “Thank you, Master Yugoda. It was an honor to learn under you.” Yugoda touched her on her shoulder, and made her rise.

“The honor is all mine. I have studied about healing for more than forty years now, but what we did, what we achieved here, was eye-opening, and humbling. I look forward to hearing what you would find on your journey.” Azula smiled, and produced a book from her satchel. 

“It’s a copy of all my notes. There’s a section about what we did with Tana in there as well. You might be able to find some other uses as well.”

“Are you sure you want to part with this? Legacies are built on these kinds of things.” 

 Azula nodded. Then she moved to Tana. Hina wrapped herself around her leg as she came close. She chuckled, as she gave Tana a hug. Tana sighed. “I’m going to miss this, having my own personal hearth I can hug in the middle of the night. Maybe you can give me back my heatbending before you go?” Azula mockingly pushed her away. “Take care, okay? Don’t push yourself too much.” She smiled, before lowering herself to Hina’s height.

“Lo Li.” Azula chuckled. She did that a lot lately, she realized. She had already told her story and her real name to Hina and Tana and Uran, and introducing herself to the others in the tribe as Ilah, Hina never stopped calling her Lo Li, for some reason. But she didn’t mind. She respected the two women that actually raised her, and mentored her in her formative years. She swept Hina’s bangs from her face and slipped them behind her ears. She looked straight into the girl’s rounded eyes and wiped her tears. “Will you come back? I’m going to miss you.”

 Azula pulled her into a hug. “I want to come back, but I don’t want to lie to you. I hope I will, someday. But in case I couldn’t, I want to thank you. Thank you, for being my friend.” Azula felt HIna nodded, as she nuzzled deeper into the crook of her neck. She understood then, how pure a child’s hug could be. And she couldn’t help but think, was she ever this precious to someone? 

 After some prodding by Tana, Hina reluctantly let her go. She went straight into her mother’s arms, as Tana consoled her. Azula took a deep breath, and moved toward the last person there. Uran was smiling, the usual soft smile she always had whenever she would come home from Yugoda’s place. Her eyes already glistened with tears. Azula buried herself deep within the woman’s embrace. She inhaled, and tried to burn every little thing she could remember about her. The smell of her fur parka, old and used. How her hand felt on her back, heavy and comforting. The way her fingers felt on her scalp, calloused and hard, and yet, softer than the softest silk pillow in the royal bedchamber. A new word formed at the back of her head, floating forward out into the world alongside her tears.

  Safe. She was safe here. This was what safety felt like. 

 She did not want to let go.

 But Uran did. She broke their hug, and looked at Azula. She traced her fingers along her face, and wiped her tears with her thumb. But Azula’s tears did not stop, so Uran pulled her closer and planted a kiss on her head. She cried harder, but Uran kept smiling. “I have lived a long life. I’m afraid I won’t be able to see you when your journey ends. But I am proud of you. Of what you have done, and of what you will do. I am proud of all of you. Remember one thing, child. That you are loved. There are people in Sako that love you. There are people here that love you. I will always love you like you are my own. So go. Find where your journey ends, and we will be waiting for you there.”

 Azula nodded, and wiped her tears with her sleeves, and set her back straight. She didn’t give Uran another hug, because she knew she wouldn't be able to let go. She set her sight on the horizon, far away in the distance, where the sky and the ocean met, and took her first step towards the ship.