Chapter Text
Blood painted the ground in front of you. Blood and guts. Your breath hitched as small tears formed in your eyes.
“———“
Your mind didn’t recognize the name you screamed. Your vocal cords protesting at, what you assumed to be, a blood-curdling scream.
Hot tears blurred your vision. Eyes wide and yet, not registering anything besides the blood taking over your vision.
You called her name again and again, but she didn’t answer.
She couldn’t.
You knew she couldn’t.
She was dead.
She was gone.
And it was their fault. They would pay.
Tears still blurred your vision as you took a step closer to the men reeking of blood and alcohol. Their laughter filled your ears.
Your sisters had been right. Men were bad. Men were evil. They had warned you and yet you hadn’t listened. Or was it only these men? Then no one would miss them, would they?
Your vision was gone, mind numb.
Just this once. You would listen to your sisters just this once.
Opening your mouth, something wet dripped down your chin. Saliva, it was only saliva.
Your teeth broke into soft tissue, when had you bitten down? You didn’t know.
Screams filled your ears, but you didn’t react. Didn’t care. Didn’t notice. Your mind numb.
Something wet dripped down your chin. Saliva, it was just saliva.
The taste of metal filled your mouth, it was overwhelmingly strong. But it made you feel alive.
You were alive. Alive. Alive. Alive—
———
Your eyes shot open. Mind screaming at you. Warning you of a threat, a danger, something you couldn’t see.
The dreams were coming back. They were luring you in with whispers and promises of revenge and peace.
You didn’t even know who you should take revenge on. It was a secret your mind kept from you and you didn’t know why.
You leaned back, letting yourself fall into the soft pillow and bedsheets that didn’t belong to you. Promising yourself just five more minutes in a room that didn’t belong to you. Enjoying your peace before your brother, that wasn’t really yours, would crash into the room that didn’t belong to you.
No. It wasn’t that these things didn’t belong here. You didn’t. You were the thing that didn’t belong. You knew you didn’t and yet you ignored it.
You ignored many things, one being your mind, as it tried to lure you back into falling asleep with whispers and promises you didn’t understand.
Give in. Don’t.
You don’t belong. You do.
Trust me. Don’t you dare.
Finally having enough of the ridiculous nonsense others would call thoughts, you stand up. It was early. Too early to be standing up already. But you’d make it work. Anything was better than having to listen to your own thoughts.
After getting dressed you tip-toed into the kitchen. You’d do what you always did when your own brain was suffocating you. Baking. It calmed your nerves and soothed the unwanted thoughts. You didn’t know why. You didn’t care.
If baking helped you survive without going insane, you’d bake.
And baking you did.
———
You were halfway done with your third batch of cookies when your grandmother—She isn’t, you know she isn’t. Shut up—entered the kitchen.
Even without looking at her you knew she was shaking her head disapprovingly.
“Maybe you should talk about it,” she murmured, placing a hand on your shoulder, “rather than bake enough cookies to feed the whole town?”
Her tone was soft. Gentle. Caring. You bit your lips and nodded like you would actually consider her suggestion. But you wouldn’t. Couldn’t. You didn’t even know what you were feeling so how would you be able to tell others about it?
She sighed. Too familiar with your dismissal of your own feelings. “I am worried about you. Your aunt—“ She isn’t. She’s not your aunt. You don’t belong. You stole this family. You didn’t. “—is worried about you. Your brother—“ Liar. Manipulator. You’re not better than them. You were. “—is worried about you. Are you even listening to me?”
She stared at you like she expected you to answer her. So you nodded. Which seemed to have been the correct response as she trailed off about them worrying about you.
You couldn’t stand it. The look in her eyes. Pity. She was pitying you. And you hated it.
“Is Gon already out?”
Her voice halted. Abruptly stopped by your question. She shook her head and sighed, probably giving up on her speech. You wouldn’t listen anyway.
“Yes, he left already.”
You nodded.
“Maybe you can bring him some cookies?” You nodded.
“He’s at the swamp—“
You interrupted her before she could finish.
”Is he still trying to catch the Master of the Swamp?” This time she nodded.
Of course he was. After all, aunt Mito had promised him he’d be allowed to take the Hunter exam if he succeeded in catching the fish.
So you took some cookies and wrapped them in a small handkerchief, before making your way to the swamp.
Gon was sitting on a tree branch. You weren’t surprised. This child was way too athletic for his age and you had no idea how. And you surely weren’t climbing up there, so you called his name.
He seemed shocked at first. Then he made his way down the tree, his smile so wide you were afraid his skin would snap.
“Big sister (Y/N)!” You winced. Like actually winced. Face twisted in discomfort. You hated when he called you that. Even through you really loved your brother, you absolutely loathed when he called you his big sister. Because it’s a lie.
You smile at him as you hand him the handkerchief. And he took it grinning like an idiot. And he was. He was your idiot.
“I made a few cookies, I thought you might like some. You’ve been fishing non-stop the last few days Gon” It was true. Gon had been trying to fish for the Master of the Swamp for almost a full week now, up until now to no avail.
“I’m this close”—His fingers were touching—“to catching it! I just know it!”
He beamed at you. You shook your head in disbelief.
“Is this Hunter exam really this important to you?”
Despite your tone being a little bit flatter than you would have liked, your question was genuine. You didn’t get it. Why would anyone put themself through torture, just to receive a piece of paper at the end? No thank you. You weren’t masochistic enough for this level of stupidity. But Gon apparently was.
“I need to! I want to become a hunter to find our father!—“ He isn’t. You don’t have a father. Yes, you did”—You’ll come with me, ne ane?”
You nodded like you understood him. Like it all made sense to you and you felt the same. But you didn’t. Of course you would follow him wherever he might go, but you didnt understand his motivation.
Human emotions were such interesting things. You didn’t understand them at all. You didn’t even understand your own emotions.
And so Gon claimed the tree back up and started fishing again. And maybe you shouldn’t have done what you did next. But you did. Gon would have fished this fish anyways and no one would notice if you pushed it a little into the right direction.
So you left. Humming. Totally unfazed as Gon happily exclaimed that he finally caught it! Not even when he carried it into your small town.
No one noticed the faint golden glow on the fish. Why would they. To them it was just the sunlight. But it wasn’t.
And thus you packed your bag for the Hunter exam. And somehow you had a feeling that it would completely flip your world upside down.
At least you wouldn’t be alone.
You had Gon, your little brother.
And Gon… Gon had you.
His older sister.